#if there's anything I ever learnt from my past relationships is that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

euphoricfilter · 1 year

Note

im in LOVE w your yandere ddlg fics… can i request one w namjoon? 🫣🫣 i feel like he fits the ddlg concept so well ugh

𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦:

pairing: yandere! namjoon x f. reader

genre: fluff || smut || non-idol au || established relationship au ||

summary: if namjoon’s life were a book, he thinks the day his eyes set on you, it had been the start of a fairytale. where he is the prince, and you, his princess.

word count: 5.5k

tags/ warnings: disgusting amounts of fluff, buff bf namjoon, reader is definitely an ipad baby, she’s also very very spoiled, and very very shy, ddlg themes, non-sexual dom joon, descriptions of murder, a few references to literature, smut in the forms of: unprotected sex (this is fiction, don’t be stupid), dom! namjoon, sub! reader, he’s girthy, size kink, cockwarming, belly bulge, dick riding, female masturbation, fingering, oral (f. receiving), multiple orgasms, creampie, lots of praise, and she’s a bit of a pillow princess, aftercare

notes: i agree!! he fits this concept so well!! and thank you for reading my other works babes! and here i present my last post of 2022! if there are mistakes, no there aren’t you didn’t see anything

request rules can be found here || my masterlist

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

You were Namjoon’s fairytale dream. A distressed princess locked in the wicked witch’s tower— that was this corrupt world that the two of you lived in.

Him, your knight in shining armour, sweeping you off your feet and dressing you in pretty dresses and jewels just like a true princess.

Truthfully Namjoon liked the classics better, words articulated like poetry and feelings forever carved into paper with ink. Little pieces of each author weaved into each book they’d ever written, secrets between pages and fantasies hidden behind flowery words. Hours upon hours of knowledge stacked up in Namjoon’s mind, useless little things that no one had ever cared to ask him about.

Perhaps romance novels were his guilty pleasure. That sickly feeling you get, reading about two people so in love that you have to sit back and realise that your own life is nothing more than a slow burn. Where truly, you’re the side character that is left and forgotten, watching the people around you— the main cast of the story, fall in love and find their god-awful happiness that you can only dream of.

You see, Namjoon had learnt how patience was a virtue. He’d waited year and years for that love story, for the perfect, pure, unadulterated adoration for another human, like in all those romance novels.

Countless flings and unexplainable anger from all the women who had shattered his heart over and over again had led him to you. Had steered him towards the right path. Perhaps like the yellow brick road, him being Dorothy and you, Emerald City. His final destination.

You’d always been awfully shy. Something Namjoon completely adored about you. Something he knew you were a little insecure about; among other things.

His remedy to your doubt, fucking you until all you knew was his and your names. Fucked so dumb you could only cry, clinging onto him like he weren’t the wolf and you weren’t little red, pure white dove chomped and chewed in his jaws like Carol Ann Duffey had described— you locked in his claws as he ripped away at tattered old clothing.

Past relationships had ended on bad terms for you, similar to himself, because it seemed no one had ever taken the time to read into you properly. Hadn’t taken the time to map out your story on paper and analyze you; the perfect specimen, the apple of his eye, a goddess among humans and his pretty little princess.

So soft and so pretty. Something a little sick, twisted, in his mind that he’d been able to lock you away in a cage like a bird, delicate little wings snapped in two where escape was impossible; thoughts of a life without him nothing more than a breathy whisper in the wind.

“Which one do you want today, sweetheart?” Namjoon’s arm laces around your shoulder, tugging you closer into his side. Your Mary Janes tapping gently against the tile floor.

You peer into the display case, fingers tightly clasped around the sleeve of his hoodie; an anchor for your fraying feelings, anxiety creeping up your spine.

He doesn’t rush you, simply raising an eyebrow at the worker behind the counter who gets angsty at your thoughtful pondering. Line of customers slowly building behind the two of you; and Namjoon can hear a few impatient mutters.

“Strawberry, please” you fall back into his side, weight solely dependent on Namjoon holding you up.

Your boyfriend turns his attention back towards the barista, fingers carding through your hair.

“One americano, a hot chocolate and one of the strawberry cakes, thank you” he turns his attention back to you; watching as you rock and forth on your heels.

“Why don’t you go and pick a table out for us, darling?”

You hum, fingers tugging at his sleeve mindlessly once more before you’re scampering towards a table by the window.

Namjoon feels his cock twitch in his pants as you bend over the table slightly, collecting the discarded straw wrappers that had been left on the table; and he watches your skirt raise a little up your thighs, supple skin taunting him.

He doesn’t bother with whatever the barista tells him, pushing his card across the counter as he watches you; legs bouncing anxiously as you grip the hem of your shirt, finally taking a seat.

He waves at you as he waits at the end of the counter, the scent of freshly brewed coffee thick in the air and Namjoon worries about the impeding headache you’re sure to have.

“Here you go, pretty” he places the tray in the middle of the table, tutting when you go to grab your mug of hot chocolate. You simply fall back into your chair, eyes trained on Namjoon’s hand as he places your drink before you.

“Thank you” you smile up at him as he pulls out the chair beside you.

“You’re welcome” he coos, dragging your chair closer to his own, his neck craning to kiss your temple.

Your smile is shy though your attention is quickly snatched by his fingers that dig around the pocket of his hoodie.

He pushes his phone to your side of the table, hand laying heavy on the back of your neck as you pick it up.

“I’m gonna get a new high score” you tell your boyfriend, turning to give him a determined smile as your tap tap tile game loads.

“Yeah?” he asks, eye smile so pretty you get lost looking at him for a moment. Only snapping out of your own little reverie when he blows on your hot chocolate. “Drink up” he reminds you.

You nod, delicate fingers picking your mug up by the handle, and you watch as Namjoon brings his own coffee to his lips for a taste.

“Good?”

You nod, “Good”

Namjoon’s thumb continues to brush over the back of your neck as you hunch over the table, bottom lip tucked between your teeth as you load up one of the songs of your game.

Your mouth falls open when Namjoon’s fingers dig into the back of your hair, tugging your head back.

He watches as your lips close around the forkful of cake he feeds you, endeared smile on his face as a little bit of the cream clings to the corners of your lips. You don’t seem to take much notice as his thumb brushes over your bottom lip, eyes glued to the screen of his phone.

Your lips part after swallowing, tongue peeking out to lick at the pad of Namjoon’s thumb before he’s slipping it into your mouth.

“Yummy?” he asks, and you fall back into your chair— game suddenly long forgotten as Namjoon’s thumb lays heavy on your tongue.

You nod, fingers itching for the fork. Your boyfriend simply tuts, “Let me do that for you” his thumb slips out of your mouth, soon replaced with another large forkful of strawberries and cream.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Namjoon’s attention is quickly snatched from his laptop when he hears a gentle knock on the door of his home office.

You always seemed to count a few seconds before you opened the door, always mindful that he was often busy; even if he’d made it clear that he was never too busy for you.

“What’s wrong, darling?” he closes his laptop, glasses perched on the bridge of his nose.

“You’re not in bed” you whisper, still lingering in the doorway. Frilly-socked feet shuffling anxiously against the carpet.

Namjoon thinks you look like a dream, eyes heavy with lingering sleep, thin strap of your silk nightdress slipping off your shoulder as you curl in on yourself. Always ever so shy, even after years together.

He’d taken his time pampering you that evening. An hour spent in the bath where’d he’d lathered your body in thick suds of soap, sweet smelling like roses that had sat in the summer sun all afternoon, skin warm like petals that had basked in the golden rays of light. Silent promises of a love that will last forever, until he takes his last breath, until the world ceases to exist and his love can longer be— traced under light fingertips that knew your body better than you ever would.

You squirmed as he’d rubbed lotion into every inch of skin your body had to offer— body his temple, your soul his goddess that he worshiped like you were his only purpose in life. Each breath he took, every step he’d continue to take, everything for you.

You’d laid spread across his lap as he’d worked any knots out of your back before dressing you up pretty for bed. Flimsy silk nightdress tickling your skin, brushing against bare thighs, where Namjoon’s hands had the freedom to roam your body until you’d been giggling at him to stop.

His favorite pastime, brushing your hair before bed; his hands those of Rumplestiltskin, each strand treated like intricately created golden thread, gentle as he tugs each knot until perfect.

He’d been there when you’d fallen asleep, bones jelly after he’d fingered you to an orgasm and mind nothing more than cotton candy softness as you’d tugged your precious little bunny to your chest. A gift he’d given you your first date together; and although you claimed you never had favorites , it was always his bunny that remained in your arms as you slept.

And truly he thought tonight he would finish up the last of the project he’d been given, the rest of the week yours; his time cupped in your hands to use however you pleased. The smile you were sure to give him each day after work, worth the pain of a single one nighter.

“I have some work to finish up, why don’t you go lay down, and I’ll be there in a little while” he tilts his head, gentle smile toying at the corners of his lips.

Your lips mould into a pout, “No” you shake your head, voice pulling out a little whiny “You have to come with me, Joonie. Right now”

“But I’m busy, darling” he coos, rolling his chair away from his desk. Legs falling open and he wonders how long it’ll take you to crawl into his lap.

He watches you thrown yourself to the floor, falling to your knees with a dull thump, and he worries they’ll bruise. You don’t seem to care, too pre-occupied with the start of your bubbling tantrum to care about any future injuries; you’ll be sure to milk all of your boyfriend’s sympathy when you he patches you up later. Crying until he’s kissing it all better, and maybe he’ll buy you a gift for being so brave.

He’d seen you scrolling through a few shops online earlier in the day before dinner, rosy-red blush painting your cheeks at a few items you’d hopefully saved.

You hiccup, stuffed bunny clung to your chest as you shake your head. “No, no” you sniffle, “You have to come now” your legs kick a little underneath you.

It was no secret that Namjoon liked to spoil you. Truthfully, he didn’t see the issue— what else was he supposed to do when housing a little princess? If you wanted something then who was he to say no?

Especially when you looked up at him through wet lashes, tears clinging to your cheeks like freshly fallen rain would the petal of a flower.

“Don’t cry” he frowns, heart clenching at the utter distraught on your face; cheeks glazed in saline tears and eyes watery, another miserable cry ready to slip past your lips. “Come here, my precious little baby”

The sob you let out is pitiful, bunny’s fluffy little paw held so tight in your hand as you push yourself to stand. Floppy ears soaking up your tears as you wipe your cheeks.

Namjoon’s hand’s curl under your thighs as you push yourself into his lap, a new wave of tears spilling down your cheeks.

“oh dolly” he croons, “You’ve been fussy all day, haven’t you? What’s wrong?”

Your arms wrap around his neck, face tucked tightly into his shoulder as you choke on another sob. Bunny tucked between your chests.

His thumb is gentle as it brushes over the top of your thighs.

“Tell me what happened” he rests his cheek against the top of your head, mean little smile pulling at his cheeks as your sobs fizzle to little hiccups.

“Work” you whisper, fingers threading into his hair, tugging rhythmically as you mouth at his neck.

“What happened at work?”

You whine, pushing your body flush against Namjoon’s. His hands wander, grabbing your ass as you rock forwards; bare pussy brushing over his pyjama pants.

“There’s a— there’s a new guy” your hips falter and Namjoon holds in a groan as your weight settles right over his cock.

Namjoon hums, “What about him?”

“He—“ a breathy moan drips off your tongue as his fingers dig into the meat of your ass.

“He what, darling? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong” he murmurs, fingers mean as he tugs your face away from his neck by the back of your hair.

Your mouth falls open, and Namjoon watches your eyes glaze over, though this time it’s not tears; and he wonders if you can see how ruined you look in the reflection of his glasses.

“Tell me” your thighs clenching at his tone.

You whimper, “He said a bad word, can’t say it”

Namjoon’s head tips backwards, “Go ahead and say it, baby. I won’t get mad”

“Promise?”

He smiles, endeared “Promise”

“He asked me on a date” your fingers grasp onto the neckline of his shirt, and your boyfriend hums, “I said no, because I have a boyfriend”

“And?”

He watches as your bottom lip quivers, breath hitching in your throat. “Said you didn’t need to know, could be a quick fuck in the back room”

Namjoon’s jaw ticks, “What’s his name?” his fingers skim over your jaw, your hips jutting forward. “Name, darling”

“Jimin” you breathe, “Told Nana, and she said she’d talk to him”

“Yeah?” Namjoon hums, “I’ll sort him out, okay?”

“Okay” you nod.

“Well done for telling me, darling” he smiles, an attempt to ease any lingering anxiety you had. The last thing he wanted was for you to hate work when you enjoyed it so much.

Your hips rut forwards, Namjoon pulling your nightdress up around your hips, watching as your bare cunt drags over his slowly hardening cock.

You lean forwards, lips brushing over Namjoon’s jaw as his hands guide your hips. You moan as the head of his cock brushes over your clit.

“Feel good, darling?” Namjoon’s breathing is heavy, one of his arms tucking under your thighs as he hoists you further up his chest, his free hand tugging his pants down.

Your hand travels between your bodies, tips of your fingers brushing over Namjoon’s slit, precum oozing out the tip as your hand runs down his length.

“Up you get” he helps you, head of his cock running through your slit as you roll your hips forwards.

You bite down on your bottom lip, watery whines bubbling up your throat with each nudge of your boyfriend’s cock running over your clit. Arousal seeps past your folds down Namjoon’s length.

You hold his cock against your cunt, Namjoon’s fingers digging into your hips, sure to leave bruises, but you didn’t seem to care all that much as your hips roll forward.

“Inside Joonie” you whine, tongue laving over the skin of his neck.

Namjoon takes a hold of the base of his cock, and you use his shoulders as leverage, chair wobbling under your joint weight as you line up his cockhead with your hole.

Your fingers run through your folds, wetness soaking your fingers as you circle your clit gently, Namjoon helping you as the tip of his cock brushes over your hole. And you let out an involuntary whine as the stimulation.

Your arms wrap around Namjoon’s neck, head of his cock splitting you open as you ease yourself down an inch before you’re pulling off slowly.

“Your pretty little pussy is so small” Namjoon groans. Flared cockhead pulling your pussy taught as you try and ease down lower.

You breath gets stuck in your throat, Namjoon’s fingers gently thumbing at your clit as you clench around his length. Slowly starting to stuff each agonizing inch into your cunt.

You whine as you reach the hilt, hips rutting forward messily. You moan at the lick of please that wracks through your body with each slow drag of Namjoon’s thick cock against your walls.

Namjoon pulls your face away from hiding by the back of your neck, tugging you until your lips mould into one, tongue pushed into your mouth, fresh minty toothpaste coating his tastebuds.

You start to bounce in his lap, childish impatience starting to take over as you chase after an orgasm. Always a little greedy when it came to your own pleasure, using Namjoon to get yourself off before you ever allow him to chase his own release.

“That’s it” he moans, unabashed in his arousal.

Namjoon uses his legs as an anchor, holding the two of you in place, ensuring the chair doesn’t tip over as the back of your thighs slap against the top of his own.

You moan as his thumb continues to brush over your clit, a ring of your arousal gathered at the base of his cock with each jittery raise of your hips.

“Doing so well for me” Namjoon groans, “Always such a good girl, yeah?”

“Mhmm” you nod, bunny tumbling to the floor. Long forgotten as you feel the precipice of your pleasure slowly boiling away in your stomach.

“Gonna cum for me?”

Your thighs shake at that, deep groan of pleasure shooting straight to your cunt as you continue to ride Namjoon like it were the last time.

“Go on, cum for me”

Namjoon’s hands find themselves perched under your ass, aiding you as your legs start to grow tired. Muscles in his arms bulging as he drags you up and down his length.

“So small, could use you as my own little fleshlight. You’d like that wouldn’t you?” he groans, mirth swimming in his eyes.

Meanly, Namjoon pinches your clit and that’s all it takes for searing hot pleasure to wash over your body, thighs shaking at your release.

You hiccup another sob at the burning arousal as Namjoon continues to ram his cock back up inside you, thick rivulets of your slick coating his balls as he chases his own release.

“Too much” you cry, hands wrapping around his wrists as his fingers dig into your hips.

“I’m close, hold on for me” Namjoon’s head tips back.

Namjoon can feel your pussy as it pulsates around his length; you let out something akin to a squeak as you feel his cock twitch.

Mouth falling open in a silent moan as his warm cum paints your insides white.

You raise up on shaky legs, tip of his cock left nestled between your walls before you’re falling back down on his length; cum pushed deep inside of you.

“Oh my baby” he coos, fingers gentle as they brush through your hair, “Sleepy?”

You nod, words fizzling out on your tongue as you yawn.

Your cunt continues to clench around his cock, even as you fall asleep on his chest.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

The bell above the door is obnoxious in announcing Namjoon’s arrival.

‘Pages of Love’ the little bookshop you worked at.

He would have gotten you to quit the shitty little job by now if it didn’t hold such significance in your relationship. He’d first met you here, had dates here, and it made you so happy that Namjoon couldn’t bare to see the sad pout that would be sure to form if he ever suggested you left this place behind.

“Namjoon” the old woman behind the counter smiles, waving him over. “I’m sure you’re aware but it’s y/n’s day off”

“Actually, Nana, I’m here for something else” he smiles, expression saddened and the old woman frowns.

“Anything” she nods.

“It’s about Jimin. He doesn’t happen to be working today, does he?”

“He’s on break right now.” She tuts, “Is this about what he said to y/n. I’ve already warned him about it”

“She came home upset” he shakes his head and Nana sighs.

“Poor girl. She’s lucky to have you, Namjoon”

“Thank you” his smile is genuine, though it drops the moment he steps out the door.

And he waits, waits weeks before he decided what he wants to do with the lowly piece of shit that dared suggest you cheat on him.

Waited weeks as he wrote down every sick little fantasy he had about the ways he’d maul his body. Shredding limbs, gutting him alive. Maybe he’d decapitate him and then send his head to his mother, or chop his filthy dick off and make him watch as he fed it to whatever animal is willing to chew on nearly nothing.

Written fantasies weren’t enough. Namjoon’s fingers always itching, always eager to finally wrap around the boy’s lithe throat and make him beg for mercy until his face is red and pride oozing out of his body with his fear.

“I’m gonna be home late tonight, little one” Namjoon tucks your hair behind your ear, gentle smile rivaling your frown.

“Why?” you ask, blinking up at him through your lashes.

“I have a small job I need to take care of”

“Can I help?”

“Nope” he leans down, soft feathery kiss pressed to you cheek before he’s pulling back, standing at full height.

You look up at him, “You can’t go”

“And why not?” he challenges.

“Because” your defense weak and truly Namjoon wishes he could stay.

“I charged your ipad this morning” and your eyes light up.

“Be quick, okay?” you push yourself up on your tippy toes, hands cupping his cheeks as you press a kiss to his lips.

“Promise” he smiles, “Now be a good girl, and don’t cause any trouble”

“I won’t” you wave him off.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Namjoon isn’t exactly sure what he expects to see when he finally gets home, a quick detour to Seokjin’s house to wash off Jimin’s blood and a change of clothes taking longer than he’d anticipated when his friend had insisted on making them both tea.

He can’t help the groan that bubbles up his throat at the sight of you. Skirt flipped up with three fingers, knuckle deep inside your pretty little pussy as you play a colour by number game on your ipad.

“Fucking hell, darling” he kicks his shoes off, jacket long forgotten on the floor as he crouches down in front of you.

You pull your slick covered fingers out of your cunt, gently circling your clit as you blink down at him.

“Couldn’t wait until I got home?”

“I got bored” you whine, legs falling open wider and Namjoon takes that as his invitation to run his thumb through your slit.

His hands hold your thighs in place as he leans down to press a kiss over your clit, tongue slipping from between his lips to lick over the bundle of nerves.

You hips stutter as his tongue drags across your folds, another wave of arousal seeping out your cunt at the unexpected nudge of his tongue against you hole.

Your fingers tangle into your boyfriend’s hair as he sucks over your clit, fingers teasing your entrance before he’s pushing two fingers inside of you.

“How pretty” he coos, accompanied by a wet squelch. “The prettiest little pussy, it’s a wonder how you fit anything inside of you”

You squirm, finger stuffed into your mouth as you try and hold back an embarrassed moan.

“Not little” you whine, hips chasing Namjoon’s fingers each time he pulls out.

“Oh, but you are” your thighs twitch as his warm breath brushes over your sensitive clit, hours of mindless toying with your cunt bringing you to the brink of an orgasm.

Namjoon kisses over your mound, kisses over your clit, and then kisses over his fingers as they curl up inside of you.

He can’t help the smile that pulls at his cheeks at the guttural moan you let out when he finds that particular spot inside of you.

“Cum for me, darling” his voice breathless, as he starts to scissor his fingers.

All it takes is one mean little nip to your clit and you’re tipping over the edge; legs shaking as they clamp around your boyfriend’s head.

His tongue continues to flick over your clit, fingers nestled deep within your walls as he helps you ride out your high.

“Enough” you whimper, tugging his head away from between your legs.

You squirm at the glossy sheen that covers Namjoon’s chin when he finally pulls away from your pussy.

“Well done” his hands run up and down your trembling thighs, “Think you can take a little more?”

Your eyes flicker down to his cock, heavy in his pants and you nod; tongue wetting your lips.

“My good girl”

Namjoon pulls you to lay across the length of the couch, fingers tugging your blouse over your head as you shuck off your skirt.

You tug messily at the back of your bra, and Namjoon smiles, bending down to help you.

He groans, taking one of your nipples into his mouth as he palms himself through his slacks.

“God, you’re so pretty”

Your squeak when he bites the plush skin, trail of kisses searing as he reaches your neck.

Your hands fumble with his pants, waistband pulled taught as your try and slip your fingers into his underwear.

“Always so impatient, aren’t you?” he coos, “here let me help you”

You pout at the loss of warmth, the loss of his large body completely covering your own; hands grabbing for neck when he sits up on his knees.

Your hips rock upwards, silently begging for any sort of stimulation as you watch Namjoon’s cock spring free, slapping against his stomach.

Your pussy gushes another wave of slick at the sight of your boyfriend with his hand wrapped around his cock, his hands always had been big; swallowing the girth of his cock when your fingers barely wrapped around it.

You can feel the phantom ache in your jaw, countless times he’d shoved his dick into your mouth, splitting it open like he would your cunt with absolutely no mercy.

“You’re staring” though there’s no embarrassment in his tone, eyebrow lifted cocky and lazy smile tugging at your lips.

“Inside, please” you whine, legs falling open enough for him to slot in place.

“Of course, sweetheart”

Your legs tremble in anticipation, eyes squeezing shut as he runs the head through the slit; slicking up his length before he’s pushing at your entrance.

“You sure you can fit me?” you can hear the laugh in his voice, retort on the tip of your tongue only he chooses that moment to nudge the tip of his cock over your clit.

“Joonie” you complain, “please, need you”

And Namjoon watches, lets you, grab onto his length, watching as you rut your hips down until he’s popping inside of you.

Your walls constrict around him, and he’s absolutely fascinated by how such a small pussy is even able to stretch around him.

“Good girl” and he can’t help the moan that follows.

He’s barely thrusting, gentle roll of his hips feeding each inch of his cock into your wet cunt.

You moan like he was ramming into you, always so sensitive, always so responsive to his touch.

“Feel good?” he asks when he finally bottoms out, thighs connected and heartbeats in sync. It’s moments like these Namjoon revels being alive, being one with you. Truly the closest you’ll ever be to one another; and he thinks he finally feels complete when lodged between your sodden walls.

“So deep” you whisper, fingers skimming over your stomach.

Namjoon pulls your legs over his shoulders, bending forwards until you’re almost folded in half.

Your moan is breathless when he gently pulls out, only to snap his hips back into you.

Your hands grasp onto the pillows of the couch as Namjoon picks up his pace, your tits bouncing, and cunt squelching with every brutal thrust into you.

“Fucking hell, you are tiny” Namjoon groans, and you whimper as his hand presses down on your lower stomach.

You dare take a look, hiccup of a moan ripped from your throat as you see it. An outline of his cock right bellow your belly button, head nudging the taught skin with each thrust into you, only for it to disappear as he pulls out.

Your fingers splay over it, cunt convulsing around his length as your feel him move under your skin.

You feel it rising, pussy swollen and worn from your previous orgasm. Namjoon seems to know, he always knows when you’re slowly climbing to the peak of high.

His fingers find clit, tight little circles sending jolts of pure, blissful pleasure through your body, another wave of arousal seeping out your cunt to soak his cock.

“Gonna cum for me?” he moans between eat thrust, “Be a good girl and cum for me”

The cry you let out is near pornographic, knees knocking against the side of Namjoon’s head as he continues to flick at your clit. Pleasure numbing that when you finally reach your high, your mind blanks, a blanket of fluff consuming you as Namjoon continues to jackhammer into your used cunt.

“Doing so well for me. So close. I’m so close” he groans, fingers finally pulling off your clit as your thighs continue to shake.

When you come to, Namjoon’s thrusts are a sloppy, thrusts barely coordinated as he ruts into you.

And your breath hitches at the final twitch of his cock, he pushes as far into you as he can before he’s cumming.

Thick waves of cum filling you up. He groans as you clench around him, walls still spasming from your own release. And he gently rocks into you, an attempt to push his cum as deep into your soiled cunt as possible.

“You did so well, darling” he swallows thickly, back of his hand wiping the sheen of sweat from his forehead.

You whine as he begins to pull out, mixture of both your releases dribbling out of your hole.

Your thighs twitch when Namjoon parts your lips, hole clenching around nothing as you push another wave of his cum out of your pussy. His fingers scoop it up, circling your entrance before he’s pushing them back between your walls.

“What do you think about a bath?” he hums, watching your eyes fall droopy.

You nod, hands blindly grabbing for your boyfriend to pick you up.

He smiles down at you, arms slipping beneath your body to pick you up as he wanders further into the house.

You wriggle around when he flips the light on, eyes stinging a little at the sudden burst of brightness.

“Alright missy” he sits you on the toilet, and you lean your head against his hip as pee, bones too floppy to even think of holding yourself up.

You remain sat on the toilet as he runs a bath, fussy when he picks you up again though it’s easily soothed with a gentle kiss to your lips.

He thinks you fall asleep as he washes your back, gentle as his soapy hands grope your breasts, thumbs brushing over your nipples and you squirm at that.

Namjoon is endeared when the two of you finally get out the bath, skin soft and sweet smelling, perfect for kisses. And he can’t help the laugh that bubbles up his throat when you kick your pyjamas away, refusing to put them on yourself when his hands were fully capable.

“Oh my little princess” he kisses both your cheeks, “How about some cake for being such a good girl?”

You see, Namjoon had always been a little bit of a liar. Had told so many lies that truly he didn’t know the what was real and what was not anymore. And if he didn’t know then you never would either.

Every little lie he’d told you from the start, every white lie, every left out detail of his life suddenly seemed insignificant when you were tucked under his chin, sleeping so peacefully, a true sleeping beauty.

And maybe he didn’t really like the classics. Maybe his real love of novels were romances, because he’d always be the prince and you’d always be his princess. A perfect fairytale that would always have a happy ending.

Because if anyone dared scribble out the pages, change his plot, then he would simply erase their existence, and the readers of his life would never know the difference.

You belonged to him. You are his as much as he is yours.

Your life his only reason. Your happiness that little spark of good that still resides inside him. And as long as you come home every day with that same pretty little smile on your face, then Namjoon feels no guilt for the countless people that lay dead, long forgotten by the world as they rest six feet under for daring bring you sadness. Because he’d erased them, with no way to wiggle their way back into the story of his life.

Because what was a prince if he couldn’t take care of a villain that would disturb his perfect fairytale ending?

#bts fanfic #bts fluff #bts smut #bts angst #bts namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #namjoon fluff #bts x reader #bts imagines #namjoon smut #namjoon angst #namjoon fanfic #bts requests #namjoon x y/n #bts yandere #yandere namjoon

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whimsicalwritingsandmore · 5 months

Text

Want You Back | ateez x reader

Pairing: werewolf!ot8!ateez x werewolf!reader

Genre: fluff mostly, romance, poly, a little angst?

Warnings for this chapter: mention of an emotional affair

Word Count: 3143 words

a/n: the chapter I have been waiting for. :') it is time. I look forward to your reactions and feedback! It'll definitely help me work on my writing for these types of scenes in the future! :D Enjoyyy! <3

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Chapter 7

When you thought about it, you had a lot of feelings going on at the moment. Your emotional state felt like a merry-go-round that was never-ending. There were times when you didn’t know what to think when it came to your situation with the boys. This was one of those times.

All your life you had learnt that the bond between mates was sacred and predestined. You were taught that it was something that couldn’t be explained with logic, it was a connection so heavenly and divine, you were tied to one another for forever and more. To a point, you believed that there was indeed a revered and sanctified essence to the bond you and your mates created. But was it really unbreakable?

When you sought therapy from Chan’s friend Ryunjin, she didn’t give you a complete doom and gloom outlook on things. She reassured that there could be a possibility of reconciliation but, not everything was necessarily foreordained.

“Is it even worth it to continue? I feel like it’s all been a lie.” you dispassionately asked.

“In a perfect world, there would be no mistakes. So then, it might be fair to walk away in that case. But realistically, we are all prone to committing errors, and if we were to always leave and continue searching for perfection, we’ll always be searching and never satisfied.”

“I don’t know if I could trust them.”

“That’s fair, you don’t need to immediately off the bat, you should first talk to them and take it from there. I‘ll be honest, you know deep down the right answer, it’s up to you to decide what is best for you.”

Yes, fate allowed you to meet the boys.

Yes, fate brought you all together as each other’s mates.

Yes, fate played a significant role in your relationship when you thought about it.

But fate also played a harsh game with you, as some would say. You were thrust into an emotional upheaval and everything you ever knew and were told about love and relationships was far from the truth. So yes, you believed a relationship was sacred and you believed people were meant to come into your life and cross paths for a reason. But it did not mean they would necessarily always be a part of the journey.

Ultimately, you still loved the boys. And deep down, the thought of just walking away felt unacceptable given that there was still a lot that you wished to communicate, discuss and get off your chest. Once you had gotten past the anger that simmered inside of you like a boiling pot, you felt more reassured that you could have a civil discussion with a firm and determined but also calm resolve.

It surprised you just how much anger there was contained in you. As you continued your sessions and Ryunjin continued asking questions and poked you for answers, it all erupted like a volcano.

And it felt really good to let it all out.

However, you didn't expect things to happen so soon. If you were being completely honest with yourself, you weren't really sure when the right time would present itself, so you decided to leave it up to fate. If anything, your belief had been further strengthened given the last few months. Life may have been harsh, but it resolidified the courage and strength that you didn’t realize you had in you.

Minho had informed you that your bond to the boys would remain passive as if it was in a deep slumber until you chose to communicate with them. With no communication in the past six months, they could not sense where you were but rather feel your lingering presence somewhere.

At the window, Seonghwa, Yunho, Yeosang, San, Mingi, Wooyoung and Jongho all stood with glassy eyes as they peered inside. Only Hongjoong wore an unreadable expression.

Your mind wandered to your past.

Kim Hongjoong was the reserved but charming boy in your primary school who you befriended as it was just the two of you who sat at a table alone, everyone else in their own little groups. He looked at you occasionally and you thought he was weird. It wasn’t until during lunch when you heard some of your classmates snickering about you behind your back, he passed you a cookie, sat next to rather than opposite you, and told you he liked your hair which was in a pretty French braid. He then attempted to engage in a conversation about which games you liked to play and things you liked to do. Though a bit apprehensive, you became comfortable with him after a while and from then on, the two of you were two peas in a pod.

As you got older, it wasn’t necessarily a romantic bond. Being the two introverts that you were, both of you spent time fairly often together and hardly with anyone else. You were best friends and wherever one of you was, the other was sure to be there or nearby. When both of you attended high school, Hongjoong was the center of attention for most girls. They would gift him lavish presents on his birthday and any holidays that came by, hoping that he would return their feelings. He didn’t but you found it amusing how well liked he was.

“They don’t know how annoying you really are.” You joked.

He would respond by playfully pulling your ear and ruffling your hair. Hongjoong never told you this, but as much as he liked to mess with you, he also liked to take care of you. When you would question if your hair looked good, he would gently fix it and tell you how beautiful you looked. He would wait for you outside your classroom when your classes were separate and treat you to delicious snacks and treats from time to time. He couldn’t explain it at the time, you were special to him although you weren’t bonded, and it irked him when someone would try to woo you off your feet.

Like the time you received a rose from a classmate for your birthday, Hongjoong was not amused. He latched onto you and followed you everywhere you went, and then brood at the person trying to sweet talk you.

Then on your 16th birthday, you both bonded and realized you were each other’s better half. It all made sense now in your minds and Hongjoong adored you more than anything.

The next two years were just the two of you, filled with fondness, devotion and tenderness.

Snapping back to the present, you were frozen in your spot. There they were, and excluding Mingi, it had been six months since you last saw them. They all still looked the same as far as you could tell in contrast to yourself, who now sported blonde highlights and layered hair complimented with a small nose ring on the right side of your nose.

You invited them in, joined two tables with their assistance and brought out eight cups of peppermint and chamomile tea. You sat at the head of the table with four boys each on either side. No one attempted to break the lingering silence.

Until Seonghwa did.

"Your hair looks very pretty." He complimented in a sweet soft voice.

"T-thank you." You slightly bowed, touching your hair. It caught you off guard, they seemed to be so calm and that puzzled you.

"Mingi told us about you being here," Yunho stated, "We felt your bond after a long time."

"Mhm," You nodded in response, "When I got cornered, I initiated it to alert Mingi."

"Who were they?" San asked.

"Humans turned into rogues actually. My friend Changbin did some research, just like what we heard back home, some of the rogues managed to escape here and turned anyone who offered their loyalty and liked to wreck havoc."

You heard slight snarls emitting from some of the boys. Given everything that happened with the rogues, each of them was ready to tear any of them apart if given the chance.

"We're so glad you're okay. When Mingi told us what you've been doing, we felt comforted to know you were somewhere safe." Jongho declared.

Hongjoong scoffed.

There it was. If there was anyone out of eight of them who wouldn't hesitate to hide his annoyance and anger, it would be Hongjoong.

"Are we done with the small talk and pretending like we aren't mad?" He announced.

"Hongjoong." Seonghwa warned.

"No, I will not keep quiet," he seethed, turning to you with pure, fiery anger in his eyes, "Tell me Y/N, was it fun? Frolicking around and pretending like you didn't have any mates waiting for you."

"Hongjoong!" Wooyoung yelled.

But Hongjoong ignored everyone and continued, "We were worried sick, we were broken, we needed you and here you are living your life without any regret."

"It's not like that Hongjoong." You started.

"That's enough Hongjoong!” Mingi exclaimed.

"No, it's not enough, don't you remember the pain you were feeling Mingi? The aching feeling and sleepless nights. We were all miserable, and not just us, the young ones at the daycare were pining for her too but she didn't even care."

"You don't know..."

"Don't know what? Tell me what I don't know Y/N. Because it seems my mother was right about you."

That one statement paused everything. For a moment, you reeled yourself at Hongjoong's words. Kim Hongjoong was the first one you met, the first one you bonded to and the first one you kissed and shared most intimate moments with in the beginning before meeting the others. It was just you and him before meeting Mingi and now, he sat across from you saying the one thing you hoped you would never hear him say.

"Maybe my mom was right."

Mrs Kim hated you and you never knew why. But those sessions with Ryunjin revealed something.

“She hates you because you have what she couldn’t.”

It didn't take long for you to see red. The anger you once thought you had come to terms with erupted again and in your subconscious you slowly put the pieces together. Hongjoong's mother was the reason for the majority of your insecurities and while the boys did carry their own faults in neglecting you, she was the cause that made you spiral further. She was the one pushing Lila and she was the one who would make comments about the boys not liking a whining Luna, and the "fact" that a Luna is supposed to not be a nuisance to her mates. All because, in her eyes and mind, she saw you as an embodiment of what she could never have again.

And just like that, you snapped.

"You're a real piece of work Kim Hongjoong," you snarled viciously.

Hongjoong's eyes snapped in surprise along with everyone else’s by your tone. No Luna as far as it was known would use that kind of tone with her mate. And the fact that you did was extremely shocking to them.

"What did you just say to me?"

"You heard me," you bit back ferociously, "You have the guts to sit there and accuse me so shamelessly as if you are a saint who never messes up or makes a mistake."

Hongjoong didn't respond, he glared at you trying to assert dominance but failed.

"You're talking about the pain you felt, okay fine, I won't dispute your feelings. But what about how I felt? What about my sleepless nights and my aching heart. Does none of that matter? You’re completely disregarding my feelings? I was falling apart Hongjoong! I was crushed and at my wits end and you know more than anything how hard I tried to get your mother's approval, only for you to sit there and tell me she was right? Was she really? Because I sacrificed a lot more than you did Kim Hongjoong and you know that. What do you not know Hongjoong? You know everything and you know exactly what you did." You barked.

"Wait..." Yeosang interrupted, "Y/N what do you mean?"

You narrowed your gaze at Hongjoong who looked everywhere but at you, poking his cheek with his tongue. Tears streamed down your face uncontrollably and you felt your resolve breaking apart slowly but you held your ground.

"Do you remember what you told me Hongjoong? I should dress up more like Lila. Kind of funny how you were so into how she dressed and what she wore. I knew you two had a similar interest in fashion, so I tried to write it off, but then the way you hugged her, the way you were so into what she was doing, your "harmless" messages…you knew exactly what you were doing."

"What are you trying to say—"

"YOU WERE HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR!” You shrieked. “You were emotionally cheating on me Hongjoong and you knew exactly what you were doing. You knew my insecurities but you didn't care, you expected me to keep quiet and still be there for you because "I'm your mate" and I was supposed to listen to you and obey. You were using me Hongjoong exactly like what your mother did to your father."

The breaking of this revelation sent everyone in a spiral. They hadn't realized till all the pieces clicked together. That's why Hongjoong had Lila around so much, that's why he would keep suggesting they all should stay out late and do things. He was trying to cover his tracks because not only was he emotionally cheating on you but also on them. But it would have only been clear when you found out.

Hongjoong's mother did the same thing to his father after Hongjoong was born. It was during the sealing of the realms and his father, being clan leader, was away majority of time as a witness to the sealing. Mrs Kim found solace in another clan member until Mr Kim found out and denounced his bond with her. They continued to live together for the sake of their children as having separated parents was frowned upon and subjected the child to unfair treatment, but Hongjoong’s father built up a lot of resentment for years to come and never considered rekindling the connection. He wanted nothing to do with her romantically.

As such, Mrs Kim didn't like the way you were living such an idyllic life — you had a blissful relationship that she would never have again.

And she rathered Lila because she was the daughter of the clan member, the one who was exiled from the pack, her former love affair, and who joined another pack on the other side of town. No, she wasn’t Mrs Kim's child, Mrs Kim just simply preferred her over you.

Your voice broke the boys out from their dazes.

"I loved you Kim Hongjoong and I still do. Gosh, I still care so much about you even though I shouldn’t and I still want to make it work because I know, I know you aren't a horrible person, at least I thought you weren’t. But now I'm wondering if I really know you at all."

And that's all it took for Hongjoong's facade to break. He thought you wouldn’t find out. He knew what he was doing was wrong but his infatuation got the best of him. Truly, it started off as any ordinary friendship. Lila was kind and nice and that was that. But there were times when she would subtly flirt with him. At first, he paid no heed and rejected her affections. But after a while, when work and meetings became a bit overbearing and his mother would annoy him with the same old tell-tale of you not being good enough for him despite his reprimands that you meant everything to him, he allowed some reciprocation now and again but without any physical attachment. He thought that wouldn’t define it as him cheating…

But it did and he knew it. So he would rope in the other boys to go to lunches or dinners. They were friendly with Lila too so it wouldn’t come off as too odd, in contrast to if it was just the two of them. Hongjoong was aware that the boys did not really care for Lila like they did for you, and it would take a bit of coaxing to get them to join. Heck, even he didn’t care for her like that but it was such a spur of the moment, he couldn’t help it. He had a feeling some of the boys were questioning him before you disappeared but after your disappearance, they had all hit a wall and it was never revealed.

“I hate you.” You seethed.

Those three words broke Hongjoong from his daze. You, his best friend, first love, his first in many things, hated him and it was all his fault. He wronged you and continued to do so because he was trying to run away from the fact that his actions were damning and inexcusable. In his mind, still communicating with Lila would mean he hadn’t really done anything wrong. It was a twisted and poor attempt of trying to absolve himself from taking accountability. He could feel Mingi and Seonghwa’s fiery gazes and he was too terrified to look up to see the others.

You got up and stormed out of the café. The others just stared blankly in shock and despair from what they just heard. Hongjoong didn’t deny it and it felt like a ton of bricks hitting them all at once.

As you rushed out, Chan, Jisung, Minho and Jeongin passed by. They came to check on you but when you brushed past without acknowledging them and Chan saw your mates through the window, he immediately asked Minho to go after you. Jisung turned all around to figure out what just happened, but when he saw your mates on the other side of the window, he was not pleased. Chan felt Jisung's shift in aura. It was much darker than Jisung’s usually fun and joyful temperament and character. While Jisung may not be very good at fighting, he was very good at magic and spells, and at using strategy and wit over bod. And when someone hurts a person close to him, well, it doesn't usually end very well.

“Since when does Jisung float?” Jeongin asked.

Jisung began levitating with a menacing glare piercing through the window. Good things the streets were clear for the night.

“Oh dear,” Chan muttered, “This isn’t good.”

Jisung left the two behind, stormed into the café and scowled at the eight men.

"So,” he retorted with one hand in the air and a dark and purple cloud engulfing the room, “Which one of you is Hongjoong now, hm?"

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Tag list:

@eastleighsblog @sehun096rainbow @greensnakeglobep @satsuri3su @zonked-times @sugarrush-blush @lomons @explorewithd @chatsgotmytongue @scarfac3 @popcatx0 @angrynightnight @sannieluvrr @idfkeddieishot @alicia-dpa @park-simphwa @puppyminnnie @mysticfire0435 @sundayysunshine @chngbnwf

(I just got the chance to go through my activity and add all who requested to be on the tag list. There were quite a few notifs so if I missed you, firstly, I'm really sorry!! Please send me a private message so I can add you to the list! It'll be easier for me to catch!)

#ateez fanfic #ateez x reader #ot8 ateez x reader #poly ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez series #poly!ateez

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natashxromanovf · 4 months

Text

Forever mine

JJ Maybank x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 1301

WARNINGS: slight fighting (verbal, very mild), mentions of food, one swear word

REQUESTED: {x} by @arkofblake

SUMMARY: Yours and JJ’s relationship, from the day you met to the present time and what you learnt about each other throughout those years.

A/N: Thank you for requesting this babes! I loved writing it so much, I hope you enjoy reading it as well <3

You vividly remember the first time your eyes laid on JJ Maybank. It was a sunny afternoon amid September, the weather surprisingly summer-like. Walking inside a restaurant, you were supposed to meet a friend of yours for brunch but she bailed on you at the last second, leaving you standing on the street all alone. You thought about going back to your dorm but decided otherwise. You were really hungry, already here and to be honest, you could use some peace and quiet to gather your thoughts.

“What can I get for you?” a blonde boy questions you, giving you a warm smile. As you look up at him, the breath you were about to let out hitches in your throat and the words get stuck in your mouth. A moment passes by and you finally collect yourself again, already feeling the heat creep up your neck.

“I’m sorry,” you laugh a bit, looking down at your hands. “Could I please get some pancakes with maple syrup?” you politely ask, returning him the smile.

“Of course, ma’am, coming right up,” the guy says as he leaves, leaving you speechless. The blonde couldn’t have been much older than you, maybe a year or two but not more. And the fact that he’s really gorgeous didn’t slip past you either, because that is one of the finest men you have ever seen in your life.

Before you know it he comes back with your food, placing a plate in front of you. You flinch a little when the plate collides with the table, as you aren’t aware of your surroundings. You quickly snap out of your thoughts though, as he starts speaking.

“Can I get you anything else?”

“Oh, no thank you, I think I got everything I need,” you reply, looking up at him once again. He nods and starts to walk away, as you gather the courage to do something the girl you were a week back would never do. “Except maybe,” you start, catching his attention once again. “What’s your name?”

He smirks before answering, letting you know that he was waiting for that question. “JJ,” he answers. “JJ Maybank.”

“What’re you thinking about there, babe?” JJ questions as he tucks your hair behind your ear, a gesture he learned you love very much.

“About the day we met,” you honestly answer a small smile appearing on your face.

“Oh, you mean about the day when you were literally at a loss for words when you first saw me?” he says cockily, earning a slight smack on the arm from you.

The two of you were currently lying down on his couch, watching your favourite TV show, trying to unwind from your morning classes. “Do you remember the day when you first kissed me?” you ask, grinning wildly as the memory flashes across your mind.

“Of course I do,” JJ replies. “We were sitting on the beach in Outer Banks. It was the first time I took you there, to meet my best friends from high school. They all left and we were watching the sunset, it was particularly beautiful that day. You were talking about how much you like them all and I just decided right then and there that I wanna spend my whole life with you,” he finishes and you turn around, pressing a deep kiss against his lips. When you part you just stare at him for a few seconds, the biggest smile on your lips. He mirrors your expression, his fingers caressing your arm, barely touching you but still erupting goosebumps all over your body.

“I love you,” you finally say, him returning the words. After that, you give him another pack and then you stand up, grabbing some clothes from the drawer in his bedroom. You stop for a second and realise you have your drawer at his place. You don’t know when it officially became your drawer, it just sort of happened. I mean, it was just a matter of time to be fair, you’re barely at your dorm anymore.

“Where are you going?” the blonde shouts from the living room, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“To take a shower,” you exclaim, closing the drawer. “I’m meeting with Amanda later,” you remind him, blowing a little kiss at him before closing the bathroom door.

“What’s going on?” asks JJ as he enters the apartment, placing his keys on the cupboard near the door.

“Bills,” you simply answer, your face still scrunched with confusion and a bit of anger. This has been a repeating problem for the past few months, something the two of you can’t get rid of. The apartment lease has gotten higher just around the time you started having money problems and the stupid landlord won’t give you a few extra days to pay for the place. “I get my pay in a couple of days,” you state as a matter of fact, more to yourself than to the man now standing next to you.

“Yeah I know but that bitch downstairs just doesn’t wanna give us a day or two more,” he almost shouts, silently praying your downstairs neighbour heard that.

“Jesus JJ you can’t just scream like that!” you suddenly snap, catching him by surprise. He takes a slight step back, trying to figure out what the problem is right now. He has done this multiple times already and you always laugh at it.

“Y/N,...” he starts but you shush him with your hand, taking a breath.

“I just can’t deal with this right now,” you say, grabbing your car keys and throwing the door open. Once you're outside you stop for a second, taking a deep breath of fresh air, trying to stop the tears that will inevitably come. To your surprise JJ follows you downstairs, stopping just a step or two behind you.

“Y/N what is going on?” he finally asks, stepping just a bit closer.

“I don’t know,” you honestly reply, the first tear starting to roll down your cheek. “I don’t know, J, nothing’s wrong, everything’s wrong,” you murmur, a sob escaping your lips.

“Hey, hey, darling, shhhh,” he says as he wraps you in a tight hug, making you press your head to his chest. “We’ll figure this out, I promise,” he swears, softly caressing your back. You finally let yourself breathe, really breathe and take a moment to relieve some of the stress that has been building up in you for weeks now.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” you start, your voice a bit muffled by his shirt. “I had a terrible day at work today and college is just too much right now and my Mom just called me with another one of her problems and now I saw the bill and I just,” you ramble, meanwhile JJ comforts you in the best way he knows how. “I really need to take a break,” you finish, finally letting go of the blonde. As soon as you look up at him he presses a reassuring kiss to your forehead, the forgiveness for shouting at him hidden in that gesture.

“I know Y/N, and I will make sure you get the rest you need. And remember, just because we fight doesn’t mean we won’t work things out. We’re not your parents, love,” he whispers, pulling another sob out of you but this time a sob of relief.

“I know, J, I know. I guess I just need a reminder from time to time,” you smile up at him. He softly wipes away your tears and when he’s done, he guides your lips into a comforting kiss.

“Good. Because you’re the best thing that’s ever been mine,” he mutters, putting his hand around your shoulders, and guiding you back inside the apartment.

outer banks taglist: @hallecarey1 @lovelyjj @ilyjohnb

jj maybank: @velvetcloxds @tenaciousperfectionunknown

hope you enjoyed this! don’t forget to like, reblog and/or comment, it really helps writers with motivation <33

taglist form

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #outer banks #outer banks x reader #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank fic #jj maybank fanfiction #outer banks fic #outer banks fanfiction #taja writes #fanfiction #taja’s 202 4 the plot

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probably-writing-x · 9 months

Text

Doomed.

summary: okay so like conrad x reader where she’s belly’s best friend that went to cousins every summer and got with conrad and basically are dating like him/belly in s2 with everything going on with susannah and either while they’re still together or after they break up she goes to brown to tell him she’s pregnant and just very angsty 💗

You weren’t sure of the exact moment you’d lost Conrad. But part of you felt like it was doomed before it had even started. Like he was a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode, to disappear. Sometimes you thought he could see a future with you. And other times it felt like your whole relationship was simply him counting down the days. He broke your heart without ever really having it. The two of you were destined to end, as much as part of you wanted so badly to convince yourself that you wouldn’t.

“I’m just saying (y/n) we can leave any time you want, honestly. I’m obviously glad that you’re coming with me but I totally get it if you want to leave,” Belly assures you from the passenger seat as the two of you turn past the Cousins sign.

“Come on, it’s fine,” You return, “I wouldn’t have offered to drive if I didn’t feel okay about being here. Plus, this place has memories for all of us, I don’t want to lose that either.”

You glance out of the window to the houses passing by the car, the way they all seem to blur into one until you reach that one.

Jeremiah’s car is already parked up outside and him and Steven get out together, looking back as the two of you pull in.

“Well, it’s a good sign his car is here,” Belly points out the four by four parked up closest to the house.

You pull your keys from the ignition and take a deep breath, one that seems to rattle against your chest. For a moment, it all comes flooding back to you.

——Six Months Earlier——

“I really hope you’re not telling me that we drove all this way and you forgot the fucking keys,” You groan, wrapping your arms around yourself and rubbing your hands up your arms to keep the heat in a little.

“It’s a new car, okay? I’m not used to my keys being separate,” Conrad returns coldly, rummaging through his bag to find anything resembling the keys.

“Okay they’re not in there,” You shake your head, “Lets just find somewhere to stay or something.”

He stands up straight and looks at you, frowning, “This weekend was meant to be perfect. Drive all the way here, go to the beach, whole house to ourselves, we were-“

“Hey,” You cup his cheek, brushing a thumb over the skin, “Come on, we’re here together, I don’t care what we do.”

He leans into your touch and turns his chin to press his lips against your palm.

“Actually,” He pulls away from you, “I’ve got an idea.”

“I don’t trust that,” You grimace but he laughs and pulls your hand into his, dragging you behind him.

Both of you pile back into the car and he grins in your direction, driving you back away from the house and down the street in the opposite direction to the way you’d came in. You’d learnt that in the times when Conrad was being spontaneous, it was better to just let him do it. He got an idea and ran with it and it was better to run with him than try to pull him back.

“Okay so where are you taking us?” You ask him as he turns into another corner, eventually stopping the car.

When you look out of the windshield, you can just about make out the shape of the rolling waves in the dark, glistening a little in the clouded moonlight. You’re parked behind the dunes, a single spot in a clearing of the trees, the same trees that gather behind the car like a crowded shelter.

“I’ve got blankets and pillows in the back of the car from when you stayed at my dorm,” He explains, “We can set up a bed in the back, sleep in the car.”

“I love this life of luxury Fisher,” You joke.

“I’m sorry this didn’t work out like we thought it would.”

You reach over and squeeze his hand, “We’re together, aren’t we?”

You both climb out of the car and set up the pillows, blankets and comforters in the back of the car, folding the back seats down to give yourselves more space. Conrad reverses and turns the car so that the trunk faces out to the sea, noting that you’ll thank him for it in the morning when you see the view.

“There we go, that’s pretty good if you ask me,” You grin, “But I’m so tired I think I’d sleep anywhere.”

You get in beside him and both of you shuffle under the covers until you’re comfortable. His long legs fold under the comforter in your direction and you shift again to try and find the right spot.

“Connie I love you but could you please-“

“You what?” He stops you, leaning up onto his elbows.

“I-“ You feel your cheeks burn red hot at the words, “I just meant that I wanted you to move over-“

“You love me?” His voice is soft and full of excitement, his eyes creasing with the intensity of his smile.

You throw your hands over your face, wishing away the embarrassment, “Forget I said anything I didn’t mean-“

You feel him shift beside you until he’s hovering over your form, his hands reaching out to pull each of yours away from your face.

“You love me,” He confirms once again, “I love you more.”

You fight back a smile as you watch him speak the words, letting them echo in the space between you.

“Say it again,” You grin widely, your expression matching his.

Conrad chuckles and leans down to press his lips to yours, soft but yet so certain of himself. Unlike any time he’d kissed you before - this one sealed with love.

—— Now ——

“(Y/n)?” Belly calls over to you, “Are you coming?”

You look up to see all three of them stood at the doorway, leaving you in the driveway towards the house. You shake your head to clear away your reminiscent moments and look back to them.

“Yeah, sorry, just spaced out for a second,” You nod, hurrying your steps a little more in their direction.

When you all get into the house, the sound of his voice is what your ears instantly tune into. So distinct. So clear against the echoing walls.

“Dad I’ll talk to you later,” His voice snaps as he rounds the corner, stopping at the sight of the four of you.

Conrad’s eyes fall to Jere first, move to Belly and to Steven, before landing on you.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

You know he’s speaking to all of you, but you wince like the words were meant for your ears only.

“Enough of the knight in shining armour act, Conrad. We’re here to help,” Jeremiah defends, “This house means just as much to us as it does to you.”

“I don’t want to hear it, okay? I’ve got it under control,” Conrad returns, dragging a hand through his hair as he tears his eyes away from you.

“Really? Because it doesn’t fucking seem like it,” Jeremiah scoffs, “Be fucking honest with yourself Conrad, you’re just as lost as we are.”

“I can handle it!” Conrad raises his voice and you flinch instantly, your hands clenching as the anxiety courses through you.

His eyes drop back to you and his face softens, as if instantly aware of his impact.

And it takes you right back.

—— 3 Months Earlier ——

“I’m just saying I think it’s just a way better movie, you know?” You persist, opening the passenger side door of the car, “And the storyline is just so much better it’s like-“

You pause when you see him, his eyes drifting off to the road, his ears turned off to your words.

“Con? Are you listening?”

He glances up and back to you, “Oh, um, sorry, what did you say?”

You frown just a little and place your hand over his on the gearstick of the car, “Is something going on? You’ve been quiet ever since we got to the theater.”

It’s as if another light switches off in him when you ask, “No, no, I’m okay.”

“Con,” You reach up to brush the hair away from his forehead, “Talk to me.”

“I just-“ He pauses at your touch, as if pocketing it, “There’s just a lot going on, you know? With the funeral, and Jere, and college and Stanford and… I just don’t know how much more I can take.”

“Nobody’s asking you to take on all of this by yourself, okay?” You cup his cheek, “I’m here, you’ve got Laurel and Steven and Belly, you’ve got a whole family of people that want to help. Do you know that?”

He closes his eyes for a second and nods, and you move your hand down to his chest to feel the beating of his heart against you.

“You don’t need to do everything on your own,” You repeat, “I’m here.”

He places his hand over yours but something feels empty, like his heart isn’t beating for you in the way you’d felt before. His eyes glaze over a little like they don’t really see you but you repress it anyway.

The two of you drive back to his college dorm and collapse into his bed to watch a movie, or two, or three. It seemed like Conrad’s batteries had already run out for the day and you’d do anything in your power to let him recharge. You’d put on his favourite films, and laid down on his chest as he tucked one arm underneath his head. His other arm wasn’t around you, however, it was holding his phone, scrolling through aimlessly.

“Con?” You glance up at him, “Do you want to do something else? We don’t have to watch this if you don’t want to, we co-“

“It’s fine,” He snaps harshly, not glancing away from the blue light screen.

You swallow the lump in your throat and lean up onto your elbows, bumping against the wall of his dorm in his single bed.

“Okay well something’s obviously not fine,” You comment, “Talk to me Conrad let me-“

“Just fucking stop with your ‘talk to me shit’,” He doesn’t raise his voice but he practically spits the words at you, tossing his phone down onto the side, “I don’t need you to be a therapist, okay? I don’t need that.”

“I’m not trying to be your therapist, I’m trying to be your girlfriend,” You defend, feeling the strength slip from you in the tremble in your hands.

“Well maybe I don’t need that either!”

He raises his voice then and you can tell he regrets it. He pushes himself up from the bed and stands, dragging a hand through his hair.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You speak and instantly hate yourself for the way the words tremble on your tongue, the way your whole body feels numb.

“I-“ He stops himself, pacing a little across the room, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then what did you mean it like? Because if that is what you want, then that’s what you’ll get. I’ll leave. I’ll go right now,” You sit up on the bed, “I’m not waiting around for you to change your mind.”

“(Y/n) I didn’t mean-“

“Go fuck yourself Conrad,” You state, standing up and grabbing your shoes and bag from the floor.

“(Y/n)!” He reaches out a hand and grabs you, turning you around to him.

“Tell me you want me to stay,” You look between each of his eyes, tears spilling out of your own, “Tell me you want me to be here, that you want me to be your girlfriend, that you still meant what you said when you told me you loved me. Tell me you want this.”

He’s silent, his lips parting with no words, his eyes filling like yours.

“Goodbye, Con.”

—— Now ——

You were stood in the shell of the room you used whenever you were in Cousins, it feeling oddly empty without Susannah’s touches dotted around. She’d leave you fresh towels on the sheets, and a new candle burning on the nightstand. This time, those little bits were missing.

Come to think of it, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d slept in this room. It got to a point where you’d stay in Conrads every night, even before the two of you were together. It started with late night conversations and transpired into you falling asleep on one side of his bed, then the two of you coming back late and stumbling through the dark into his room, then the two of you falling in love. You shake the thought away as quickly as it had arrived.

You sit down on the mattress and take a deep breath, glancing around at the room that you’d practically been brought up in - every summer spent within these walls. You weren’t ready to lose this house, it was simply another change in your life you weren’t ready to accept.

Your hand moves to rest on your stomach, already swollen and growing underneath the baggy t-shirt you had on. You take a deep breath and smooth over the skin, terrified of the idea of life being beneath your touch.

Before you can think any more, there’s a light knock at the door and you quickly drop your hand away.

“Sorry, it’s me,” Conrad pokes his head around the door, “Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

You shift over on the bed and he sits down beside you, glancing at your eyes before looking down to your tummy, and back up, as if he’s checking you over.

“How are you feeling?”

You swallow the lump in your throat.

——Two Months Earlier ——

The drive to Brown had never churned your stomach like this. Maybe that was the morning sickness - did that happen this early? Another thing to google.

You hadn’t spoken a word to Conrad since you’d left that day. The funeral was two weeks after, and you’d avoided him for the entire day. You didn’t need anything else to make the day worse, and neither did he.

But, only a couple of days after that, you’d seen lines on a test that confirmed all of your worst fears, all of your dreaded expectations.

You were pregnant. A month pregnant, from just before you and Conrad had split up. Could the timing be any worse?

You pull up into the parking lot and let out a shaky breath. You still knew his schedule from when you’d meet him from classes or know when he’d be free for you to call him. He’d be coming out of a biology lab any minute and going to his favourite spot by the water on campus just behind the building that nobody seemed to think existed. That’s where you wait, on one of the benches just on the edge of the water, your entire body trembling.

You hear him before you see him, mumbling a goodbye to one of his classmates as he circles around the corner towards the back of the building. He looks down at his phone before stuffing it back into his pocket, sighing deeply before looking up. His entire body stops in its tracks.

“(Y/n),” He exhales, closing the space between you until he’s stood in front of the bench, “What are you doing here?”

“We need to talk,” You manage to force out, clenching your hands together to stop them from shaking.

“Yeah, you’re right, we do,” He crouches down in front of you, “I’ve been thinking abo-“

“Con,” You cut him off, watching as the fragments of hope seem to dissipate from his eyes, “I’m pregnant.”

You see his shoulders drop a little as if the heaviest weight has towered down onto them.

“You’re-“ He clears his throat, “You’re pregnant.”

“About a month,” You confirm, “Before you ask, yes it’s definitely yours and no I have no idea what I’m doing.”

He seems to compose himself quickly, kicking into fight or flight mode, and he drops his books onto the floor, shifting so that he’s sat beside you. Cautiously, he reaches out and takes your hands into his.

“Are you okay?”

“Con did you not hear what I said?” You scoff, unable to keep eye contact with him for any longer.

“I know what you said, but I want to know if you’re okay first.”

“Well it’s not exactly been the easiest month,” You pull one hand free from his and drag it through your hair, letting him still hold your other cold hand between his, “And I know you have a lot going on and I’m sorry that this is awful timing but I-“

“Woah, woah, woah, don’t apologise for anything,” He shakes his head, “This isn’t your fault (y/n).”

You’re silent.

“And, hey, we’ll figure it out. Whatever we choose to do, whatever you choose to do, we’ll make it work. And we can-“

“See that’s the thing though, isn’t it Conrad? There isn’t a we anymore.”

He pauses, his grip loosening on you as if his hands have gone numb. His eyes drop to the floor before he glances back up, seemingly holding less hope than he had before.

“We’re not together anymore and this isn’t going to be the reason that changes,” You let out a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding, “Of course you need to know because this is as much your baby as it is mine, but we’re not… how do we even begin to raise this baby when we can’t even take care of ourselves?”

“We’ll figure it out,” He nods as if trying to force some sort of certainty from him and into you, “We’ll do our research and we’ll speak to the doctor and we’ll read all the books and… we’ll make it work.”

You look down at your tummy, across to where his hand held yours, back up to his eyes - and it all just feels… numb. He wasn’t yours, and yet you were carrying his baby. You weren’t his, and yet this news had just changed his entire existence. A baby. You feel your stomach somersault once more and let out a shaky breath, no longer breathing for you but breathing for two.

—— Now ——

“Your scan is soon, right?” Conrad asks, “I did some research and they said that by now you should be able to-“

“Con,” You cut him off, looking down at your hands in your lap.

He frowns, “What is it?”

“I need you to be honest with me,” You let out s breath, “I need you to tell me if this is what you want. Because if it’s not, you can jump ship. I won’t hate you for it, I won’t resent you. But you need to decide whether this, all of this, is what you want.”

“(Y/n),” He speaks your name like it’s a breath clinging to his lips, “You seriously think I’d leave you to do this by yourself?”

You half-laugh, tears brewing in your eyes, “I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Hey,” He takes both of your hands into his, turning both of you to face each other, “A whole lot of stuff in my life is shitty right now, and I’ve made a lot of really fucked up decisions that I can’t take back. But not this. This is my lifeline (Y/n). You and this baby, it’s my lifeline.”

You swallow the lump in your throat.

“I’ll be better, I’ll be better than I was, I’ll do it all better.”

You look into his eyes, eyes that you’d once been so sure you could trust with your life. The lips that had kissed promises into you that you were sure would never break. The hands that you once thought would catch you from any fall. But all of it holds such an uncertainty now. Those eyes are the same ones that didn’t shed a tear when they broke your heart. And those lips are the same ones that yells and curses spilled so freely from. Those hands are the same ones who no longer wanted to hold you when you needed them the most. And that’s why, despite the certainty you want to convince yourself is held behind his words, you drain all emotion from your voice and say;

“Will you?”

#tsitp #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp conrad #conrad x reader #conrad x you #conrad x y/n #conrad imagine #conrad one shot #conrad drabble #conrad blurb #conrad angst #conrad request #tsitp imagine #tsitp one shot #tsitp drabble #tsitp blurb #tsitp request #tsitp angst

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fortheloveofwonderland · 1 year

Note

Congratulations on your milestone!

If it’s not too late, I’d like to request Spencer/Reader post prison with this lyric.

“You’re the cure, and your eyes have dug me out of my grave more times than I could ever count. You’ve always been the one to breathe me back to life - The Cure by The Movielife

Thank you.

Oh how I love post prison angst! And this was the perfect song for, thank you darling!

You’re the Cure

Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Summary - you’ve always been the ray of light in Spencer Reid’s often dark life. But in the wake of his incarceration, can you be his cure?

CW - past drug addiction, past parental abandonment, mentions of Maeve arc, prison arc, emotionally distant Spencer, break ups, bad mental health, mentions of not eating and bathing, an almost relapse, heavy drinking, maybe one swear, tears, hopeful ending.

WC - 4.4k

Spencer Reid had never seen himself as someone who needed saving. Being forced to grow up at ten years old when his father abandoned him and his sick mother, had a way of instilling in him that when things went wrong, he could only rely on himself.

His drug addiction only went to further perpetuate the notion that he was on his own. Even when his brain was muddled by the dilaudid he knew his team was aware of what was going on and not a single one of them ever said anything.

So Spencer got used to fending for himself, keeping his emotional issues internalised. He loved his friends but he learnt not to count on them. As such he made a habit of keeping his cards close to his chest, never letting anyone in fully.

Spencer Reid could only truly depend on one person and that was Spencer Reid.

But then he met you.

You admittedly joined the BAU at the worst possible time. Spencer was off work while he dealt with the grief of losing Maeve and he heard all about you through stories from Garcia and JJ. Both women described you as a bouncy, happy-go-lucky, ray of human sunshine. And to be perfectly honest, that filled Spencer with dread.

It was one of the darker moments of his life and the idea of someone coming in and trying to force their light onto him was the last thing he needed. Spencer liked to deal with his trauma by wallowing in it on his own, he didn’t need other’s trying to cheer him up, to drag him out of the shadows. He wasn’t looking for someone to try and make it better, to take his pain away.

And then you showed up and you breathed him back to life without even realising you were doing so.

From the moment he met you he had instinctively gravitated towards you, like you were magnets of opposing poles who were inherently drawn to one another. But his wounds caused by Maeve’s death were still so raw that he wasn’t in a position to open his heart up again.

So the two of you fell into a wonderful friendship, probably the best one Spencer had ever had in his life. You were the light to his dark, the sunshine on his cloudy day. You were the first sip of coffee in the morning, the crisp pages of a new book. You were his favourite song.

You were his cure.

The whole team joked about the two of you, often referring to you as work husband and wife. Truthfully what you had was essentially a romantic relationship minus the intimacy. And at some point Spencer found the scars start to heal and his heart began to open up again without his realising.

Almost two years after you joined the team, when Spencer kissed you for the first time, it was like the most natural thing in the world.

You’d been leaving work together one night and you offered him a ride home like always but somedays Spencer enjoyed taking the metro to clear his head after particularly long days.

He walked you to your car nonetheless and as you were saying goodbye he leant in and kissed the corner of your mouth as though it was something he did all the time. And then he kissed you again, this time directly on the lips and the strangest part of it was how it didn’t feel strange at all.

You never talked about what it meant but you didn’t need to. The next time the two of you went to the movies he slid his hands in yours as you walked towards the theatre. He spent the night with his arm protectively around your shoulders while you snuggled against him.

And outside of your door after he walked you home, he kissed you again, this time much more passionately. You’d subsequently invited him in and the two of you finally took your relationship to a whole new level.

You never defined your relationship per se. Somewhere over time Spencer started referring to you as his girlfriend and it was just so simple.

Your relationship had grown and blossomed as though it was the easiest thing in the world, like you’d always meant to be together. Up until he’d met you, Spencer’s life had been full of complications but you were the least complicated thing in the world.

You were the full stop to the end of all his paragraphs, you banished all the darkness from his life. You were the cure for everything that ailed him.

But then he was arrested.

Being locked in a cage for two and half months for a crime he didn’t commit brought all those demons out of the shadows that you had chased away with your light. He was sure even your sunny aura couldn’t bring him back from this.

And after his release, he started shutting down.

It started in small ways, ones in which you didn’t even really notice at first. Conversations became more one sided, his casual touches were few and far between. Then he started leaving for work earlier and earlier and you started getting used to waking up alone in an empty bed.

During his stints of mandatory leave from the BAU you barely saw him and you knew that was by design. It became apparent that he was avoiding you, pushing you away along with the rest of the team.

But you weren't the rest of the team. You were his partner, you shared a home together; a life together. You were once able to pull him out of any hell he was going through without even really trying. But this time he seemed so lost you worried he’d never find his way back to you.

Even when he was home, mentally he was elsewhere. Perhaps he was still stuck inside a prison cell at Milburn, or maybe he was trapped in a perpetual nightmare that revolved around Cat Adams.

You tried to comfort him, to offer him a reprieve from his dark thoughts but after so many attempts you gave up trying. There was only so much you could do and to be perfectly honest, you didn’t think there was any way of freeing him from the clutches of his monsters.

Seven months after his release from prison, the two of you called time on your relationship.

You moved out of his apartment and in with Penelope as a temporary measure while you found your own place. You took an indefinite leave of absence from the BAU while you worked on piecing your life back together.

You didn’t see or speak to Spencer for several months that followed the break up. You made Penelope promise you not to tell you anything pertaining to him, it wasn’t your job to worry about him anymore. And even thought it killed her to do so, Penelope agreed to do this one thing for you.

Spencer had allowed himself to get swallowed up in the darkness and this time even your magnificent light wasn’t enough to cure him.

***

Three months after the break up you still felt just as fragile as you did the day you moved out of his apartment. Your heart had taken a beating, it was bruised and battered and it would take a long time for it to heal, you knew that. But after three months you thought you might have made some progress. Instead you were still stuck at square one.

You’d moved out of Penelope’s last month into a tiny little studio apartment not far from Dupont Circle. You hated it if you were honest, but it was better than continuing to put Garcia out by sleeping on her couch.

You hadn't been back to the BAU since the break up and had recently started looking for other jobs. You’d interview at the DC Field Office and were hopeful to get an offer, but it would be bitter sweet. You loved the BAU, you didn’t want to leave, but you knew you couldn’t work with Spencer again. Not with the way your heart shattered everytime you simply thought his name.

You were trying to move on, it was all you could do. But what you didn’t realise was Spencer living in a whole new level of hell.

***

The final nail in Spencer Reid’s coffin was when you moved out of the apartment. And what made it a harder pill to swallow was the fact it was his own fault you’d done so.

He’d thought he’d been protecting you by bottling up his emotions and not dragging you down into the pit created by his time in prison. He thought if he didn’t talk about it, it would go away. This was one thing you couldn’t shield him from, one thing he needed to work through on his own the way he’d grown so accustomed to doing before he met you.

But he’d pushed you too far, right out the door. And from there his life simply spiralled out of control.

He left the BAU, just up and quit one day without any warning. He knew it was terrible timing with you taking a leave of absence but he couldn’t stop himself. He woke up one day and decided he’d had enough.

For the months that followed he didn’t leave his apartment much at all. He wasn’t eating properly, wasn’t showering as frequently as he should and barely sleeping more than a couple of fretful hours a night.

To be alone with himself like this for eternity would be agony. Without you there to breathe him back to life his appetite for living died.

On one of his rare trips outside of the four walls of his tiringly lonely apartment, he brought a vial of dilaudid. He kept it in the middle of his coffee table for weeks, unopened, just as a reminder that he could take it if he wanted to.

But thankfully it never did come to that. Instead of getting high, a particular rabbit hole he may never find his way out of, he drank.

In actuality, it wasn’t much better and he knew that. Just because he’d never had a dependency to alcohol before didn’t mean he couldn’t develop one, clearly he was susceptible to addiction. But drinking was the only thing that helped numb the pain, aided in distancing himself from his tormented thoughts.

Without you the demons were able to sneak closer and he lived with them among the shadows. You were always the one to shoulder the brunt of his misery but now he had to face it alone because he’d pushed you away. The lightness in your heart that he had always envied was gone, casting him forever into blackness.

He needed you here, the cure when his thoughts turned to cyanide, when he was going out of his fucking mind.

He’d been drunk for more days straight than he could count and with each passing day the dilaudid grew more tempting. He moved it from the coffee table more often, rolling the vial around his hand, tapping his nails against it; contemplating the sweet release that would come with just one hit.

But it never would be just one hit.

The things he’d seen and done in prison haunted his every waking breath and seeped over into the small window of sleep he managed. He was never going to be the same after that experience, it had hardened him in a way he never realised possible.

It had created a shell around his heart, a solid armour snugly encasing the organ in order to protect himself from his own emotions. But ultimately it hadn’t just been himself his emotions had been locked away from.

In the seven months you stayed by his side after his release he hadn’t once been able to tell you he loved you. It only occurred to him after you walked away that he hadn’t said that to you since the morning he’d left for Mexico.

In seven months the most physical contact the two of you had was a few occasions when you’d dared to place a kiss on his cheek. You hadn’t kissed properly, hadn’t been intimate, hadn’t even so much as held hands since before he made the decision to go to Mexico.

It wasn’t that he didn’t think about it. There were multiple times he’d almost initiated something, almost drawn you into his body when you were laying in bed side by side yet miles apart. But he always stopped himself.

The sad fact of the matter was: Spencer didn’t trust himself to be with you anymore. But in order to survive in prison he’d had to become someone he didn’t recognise and it wasn’t so easy for him to shed that new persona. And as if to really drive that point home, when he’d had Cat pinned against the wall with his hand around her throat, he knew he would never trust himself with you again.

The darkness was inside of him now, leaching into every pore. If he was the kind of man who could have killed Cat, or Scratch, and slept well afterwards, who’s to say where he would draw that line?

As much as he missed you with every strangled beat of his shattered heart, keeping you away from him kept you safe. And he only ever wanted you to be safe.

But without you, he may well meet his demise at the bottom of a bottle, or the bottom of a vial.

You were the cure. Your eyes have dug him out of his grave more times than he could ever count. You’ve always been the one to breathe him back to life.

And so maybe it was inevitable that he called you, perhaps it was a feat in itself that he’d managed months on his own. But when he found himself on his bathroom floor, half a bottle of whiskey clouding his brain and a needle full of dilaudid in his hand, the only thing that was going to stop his relapse was you.

He didn’t expect you to answer but he prayed you would. And maybe someone was looking out for him, maybe there was some kind of higher power smiling down on him because you answered after three rings.

“Spencer…” your voice was barely above a whisper as you spoke his name. Just those two simple syllables from your lips wrapped him in a blanket of your warmth.

“H-hi Y/N.” His own was hoarse, run down. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d spoken out loud and it showed.

Tears rolled down his cheeks, heavy and thick as the hand holding the needle trembled.

“Did you…did you want something?” Your voice held the weight of the pain he’d cause you and made even more tears fall.

“Uh…” he stared at the needle, brushing his thumb along the plastic tube. This was so unfair of him. He couldn’t do this to you, drag you back into his mess like this. He knew if he asked you would come running in a heartbeat. But it wasn’t fair of him to ask. “It’s nothing. Forget I called.”

“Are you sure?” Your tone was riddled in concern.

“Y-yeah. Sure. V-very sure.” He stuttered, choking a little on his own tears.

Before you could reply he hung up the phone before he could change his mind and beg you to come and save him from himself. He tossed the device aside and focused on the needle. He leant back against the bathroom wall, pulling his knees up to meet his chest.

The cool tile on his bare feet was a nice repreve, but the dilaudid would be better.

His shirt sleeve was already pushed up to his elbow, the tie was already secured around his bicep. The needle was full, all he had to do was press it into his waiting vein and all of his problems would melt away.

But this was one grave he may never be able to dig himself out of. Once he relapsed there would be no going back, no getting sober this time. But his sobriety didn’t mean as much to him as it once had, and perhaps it was worth succumbing to his demons for a chance at peace.

***

Despite how hard he tried to sound like himself, it was easy for you to see through Spencer’s thinly veiled lie. And as much as you didn’t want to involve yourself anymore, you couldn’t help yourself.

Taking care of Spencer Reid came as naturally to you as breathing. You didn’t intend on doing it, and most of the time he didn’t need looking after. But you did it anyway in small, every day ways.

You did it in the way you made him coffee every morning before work. You did it in the way you ran your fingers through his hair after a stressful day. You did it in the way you grasped his hand when he needed something to ground him, when you offered him a soft smile of encouragement when he needed it.

He’d always called you his cure, as though you were the antidote to all the horrors in the world. He’d told you that your smile was the sweetest medicine, that your mere presence in his life was therapeutic.

So if there was any way you could help him, even after he’d pushed you away and caused you to leave, you would find it and you would do it. Which was why after he hung up on you, you were quickly jumping in your car and driving across town to the apartment you used to reside in.

The door wasn’t just unlocked but it was open a crack. Immediately your heart started to race and you were so glad you hadn’t officially quit the BAU yet and you were still in possession of your firearm.

Your hand shook as you pulled the weapon from your holster, nudging the door further open with your shoulder. You made quick work of taking in the room. It looked to be ransacked, like someone had broken in and turned the place upside down in search of something.

You held your breath as you silently started across the room, manoeuvring in and out of piles of debris left behind in someone's wake. You headed towards the closed bedroom door, gun pointing right ahead of you. You focused your hearing but thus far couldn’t make out any distinctive sounds.

Pushing open the door, you found the bedroom in much the same state as the living room. You tried not to allow yourself to get sentimental as your eyes swept across the unmade bed and you thought back to late nights and early mornings snug beneath those sheets with Spencer. The bed that was so big but you’d never know it as he always kept you as close as humanly possible.

The bathroom door, like the front door, was open a crack and a light pooled from inside. It was then you heard the sound of haggard breathing punctuated by loud sniffing, causing the hairs on the back of your neck to well and truly stand to attention.

As you listened to the unmistakable sounds of a grown man sobbing, you lowered your gun and tucked it back in your holster.

A deeply disturbed and troubled man had ravaged this apartment but it was not the work of some petty criminal. Spencer had turned his home into a reflection of his own tortured mind, you had no doubt.

You were somehow more tentative after you knew someone hadn’t broken in. You had never seen Spencer cry before, he always liked to put up a tough exterior, probably something to do with him being the baby of the BAU for so many years.

You’d seen him vulnerable, probably more than he’d ever let anyone else see him, but you’d never witnessed him with his walls stripped away completely. And honestly, the thought of it scared you a little.

But no matter how scared you were, despite how much he had hurt you, you pressed on.

You inched open the bathroom not wanting to startle him and found him on the floor, hugging his legs to his chest and sobbing into his knees. But the truly terrifying part was the vial and needle discarded at his side. A silk tie was fashioned into a tourniquet around his arm.

“S-Spencer?” You gasped, covering your gaping mouth with your hands.

He stiffened and slowly lifted his head from where it had been buried in the fabric of his slacks. His eyes were red rimmed and tears silently streamed down his cheeks. His hair drooped lifelessly onto his forehead and his face clearly hadn’t seen a razor in months.

He somehow looked even worse than when you visited him in prison.

“Why are you here?” His voice cracked and his words were slightly slurred.

“You didn’t sound like yourself on the phone. I needed to see you with my own eyes.” You heard the sadness in your own tone, unable to hide it.

“I’m not myself.” He exhaled a breath that sounded like he had been holding it in for years. “I haven’t been since prison.”

You swallowed, daring to take a few steps further into the bathroom. Spencer let his legs fall and stretch out in front of him on the linoleum and you slid down to sit next to him, the only thing separating you was the drug paraphernalia. As if reading your mind he exhaled again before he spoke.

“I didn’t take it.” He wouldn’t look at you, instead he looked down at his hands. “I wanted to, but I didn’t.”

“Why are you slurring then?” You watched the side of his face. He clenched and unclenched his jaw several times.

“Whiskey. Not dilaudid. I swear.”

“I’ve never known you to drink.” Of course it was a relief that he hadn’t taken the drugs, but hearing that he was drunk wasn’t a whole lot better.

“I hadn’t had a drink in nearly ten years. I gave it up around the same time as I quit dilaudid, I guess I worried it would become one vice replacing another. But I needed something. And alcohol was the lesser of two evils.” He was still slurring but he was surprisingly coherent.

It didn’t surprise you in the least that Spencer could still string a logical sentence together when he was inebriated.

“Why did you call me, Spencer? Of all the people you could have called, why me?” You whispered as though you weren’t entirely sure you really wanted an answer to that.

He finally looked at you, glancing to his side with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He ran his tongue along his bottom lip in contemplation for a moment or two as though formulating a carefully curated answer. But really, the answer was incredibly simple.

“Because you’re my cure.” He shrugged, his tears had dried up but the stains on his cheeks remained. “And right now I am in desperate need of remedy.”

“Spencer…” You sighed, your own eyes misting over with tears. “I was always here for you, you could have talked to me about anything but instead you shoved me aside and tried to deal with things on your own.”

“I’ve never been very good at asking for help. I’ve only ever been able to rely on myself. People leave. People aren’t reliable. But you…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “You brought the kind of sunshine into my life I could only dream of. You have saved me in more ways than you will ever know. Your mere existence in my life has been more help to me than I can explain to you. That’s why I call you my cure, because it's the best way I can think to describe what you are to me.”

“I knew you would be different after prison, Spencer. No decent man can go through an experience like that and come out unchanged. But in your bones you are still the Spencer Reid I fell in love with.” You tried to tell him much like you had countless times in those torrid seven months. You hoped this time he might actually hear it.

“I’m really not sure that I am, Y/N.” He raked his fingers through his tangled hair with a meek shake of his head.

“I am.” You nodded. “I’m sure. Spencer, whatever you had to do inside was for your own protection. It was every man for himself and you did what you did to survive. And Cat…? After everything she’s done to you, I wanted to strangle the bitch too.”

Spencer’s eyes widened, looking a little like deer caught in headlights. He was gnawing on his bottom lip haphazardly as he stared at you.

“Really?”

“Yes, Spencer.”

“Do you really think I can come back from this?”

“Yes, Spencer.” You repeated, defiance in your voice. “And I’m going to help you. Whether you want me to or not. Because my love for you is stronger than the pain you caused me. I will be by your side, showering you in light until there is not even a sliver of a shadow for your demons to hide in. Let me be your cure, Spence.”

You reached out your hands towards him, palm upwards and fingers spread to create enough space for his own to slot between them. He glanced between your face and your hand a few times before his lip quipped up ever so slightly at the corner in a small smile.

And then he reached for you, his fingers finding those spaces between your own that always seemed like they were made intentionally to fit his. It was as though someone had crafted you both perfectly for each other.

Spencer had never been a believer in higher powers but it was the only reason he could fathom for how you had found him.

In a world consisting of nearly eight billion people, what were the chances of the two of you meeting? What were the odds of two perfectly imperfect people finding each other and slotting together in such an inconceivably faultless way?

As you sat there hand in hand, Spencer knew he would do anything to keep you by his side for as long as he lived. Even if it meant allowing you to see all his flaws, all his cracks. Because he was certain now you would love every one of his broken pieces.

You were the light casting away his shadows. You were the air being breathed into his lungs. You were the thread holding him together.

You were the cure.

#milestone celebration #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x y/n

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viviennevermillion · 8 months

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flowers for an aching heart

✧ notes: day 2 of my "autumn remedies" event! if you liked this fic, consider reblogging and commenting! here's some useful information on how to recognize abusive behaviors in relationships. stay safe y'all!

✧ synopsis: gepard learns of your abusive past relationship and promises to always treat you with consideration and care. 1.8k words

✧ now playing: pink medley — kurt hugo schneider

✧ warnings: mentions of past abusive relationship, aftermath of emotional abuse

To Gepard, you were the most beautiful flower he had ever laid eyes upon. He'd smile at you when you weren't looking, just watching you idly go about your day beside him while asking himself how he had managed to end up with you. He felt lucky that he was privy to your love. After all, through the hardly intelligible stammering and blushing when he had asked you out for the first time, the chance had been there for you to just not understand what he was trying to convey to you. You had told him once that the bouquet of flowers he brought to you that day was pretty much the tell-tale sign that he was attempting to ask you out. Now that he got your affection and love everyday, he hardly remembered what it was he was so worried about. Although, that didn't stop him from getting flustered about it anyway.

At first Gepard had thought that you were shy, just as he was. But as more time passed with him being your partner, he found that that didn't quite fit the bill. You always seemed cautious, as if walking on a tightrope around him. He didn't know what to do to make you realize that he'd always be there to catch you when you fell. You chose your words carefully; always checked back with him whether there had been something you said that had upset him. He just shook his head. "I would tell you if there was anything, promise", he had reassured you and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

To you, the love that Gepard gave was anything but self-evident. You've known love that was selfish and exploitative. Escalation and affection that spun an endless cycle, sucking you dry of emotion like a vampire who'd leave you to bleed after they had gotten their fill. You knew now that what you had experienced was but an abstracted distortion of the concept of love and you knew in your heart that Gepard was different. But unlearning that was hard. You tried your best to trust him and you only really noticed you had been tiptoeing around his reactions again when he seemed a little lost about your overly cautious nature.

Probably even more than he did, you too yearned for a love that didn't leave you on edge and you knew that being with Gepard was a step into that direction. He was kind and considerate. He'd always make sure you were alright; would check that you weren't too cold or uncomfortable or overworking yourself. You knew, rationally, judging from everything you had learnt about him, that he didn't expect anything in return; that your love wasn't currency for your freedom and safety. But you supposed that was simply part of the journey. Knowledge needed time to arrive in the mind of the individual and often even longer to settle in their hearts. You'd get there in time. You just hoped he hadn't enough of you by that point.

You knew Gepard was a patient man. Perhaps an amount of patient that astounded you and left you to wonder whether it was just your warped perception; an ideal of him that you conjured up in your mind. You were used to the world around you burning; always a little bit. Sometimes sparks would quietly rise from the wreckage; other times you had been caught in the eye of an inferno. But now that the fire was out; what was there ahead? Where should you start in this unfamiliar world?

You were so lost in your thoughts that Gepard's voice behind you caught you off-guard and you promptly dropped the flower pot that you had been holding. It was a rare seed that hadn't been seen in Belobog for 700 years during the Eternal Freeze. The plant had recently been imported by IPC merchants, but it was still quite hard to get one's hand on. The shattering sound echoed through your ears right into your head and you felt your heartbeat quicken. You remembered how excited Gepard had been about obtaining this plant. It had been growing steadily for about 3 months now and he had been really proud of how it turned out.

You made a mistake. The scars on your soul told you that mistakes would rekindle the fire; reignite the pain. It was why you were careful; why you'd tread lightly wherever you went. The world was burning again in this moment and at the same time the eternal cold was creeping up your skin, leaving you to shiver and freeze, only waiting for what would come next.

Gepard turned his head to you from across his small greenhouse abruptly, alarmed at the sound. He looked a little disappointed about the broken plant but the feeling immediately faded when he noticed the tears in your eyes which you yourself hadn't even realized were there. Gepard put the flower he was holding down gently and made his way over to you. With each step he took, you grew more afraid of his reaction. But instead of getting mad, instead of blowing up like a ticking time bomb, the man you loved simply took off his comically oversized gardening gloves so he could cup your face in his hands and wipe your tears away with his thumb. His delicate touch and the honest and loving look he gave you felt like it was about to burn your skin, yet it felt soothing.

"Hey... don't cry", he whispered quietly and pressed gentle kisses to your skin. First the tip of your nose, then your cheek; until his lips eventually met yours in a sweet kiss. Your lips trembled under his and you felt relief wash over you. And yet, somehow that made you cry more. It felt a little embarrassing, even though that was far from how your boyfriend saw you.

"What's wrong?", he asked, feeling a little lost on what to do. He sat down on the floor of the greenhouse and opened his arms to you. "Come here." You listened and sat down between his legs, letting yourself melt into his arms. You took a few deep breaths and closed your eyes, the world seeming to stop for as long as Gepard kept holding onto you. His embrace was one of safety and protection and sometimes you cursed yourself for forgetting that. But old habits died hard. "Can I ask you a question...?", Gepard seemed hesitant and you knew what conversation this would bring, "I've always noticed that sometimes you seem on edge around me... especially since we started dating... and I keep wondering whether it's something I did. Please tell me how I can make you feel better. I want to make you happy, that's all I really want." You spotted that familiar blush on his face.

This time it was your turn to press a soft kiss to his lips, which seemed to catch him by surprise and just made him even more flustered. You knew he deserved to hear the truth from you, to understand that he didn't do anything to upset you. So you told him. You told him of your previous relationship. How this person had made you scared and hesitant; made you afraid of messing up. How you had lost sight of the parts of you that you liked the most and instead became a people pleaser, at least for a little while. How they made you doubt your perception. First it had been the relationship, then you slowly had started to question your capability for accurate judgement even outside of it. You felt unsure, unsafe. Stuck on a tightrope and only one gust of wind away from falling. You remembered the nights in which you had found it difficult to rest. How you had felt ridiculous and embarrassed of things you had previously been proud of.

Gepard listened attentively. You mused that perhaps, now that you let it all out, you went on a little bit of a tangent. You just hoped you hadn't scared him off. Gepard took your hands into his and looked into your eyes with a sincere expression. "Thank you for telling me... I understand now", he whispered and gently caressed the back of your hand with his thumb; hesitating at first, "I get it, really... my... my father was like that. I don't really talk about it often... in retrospect, maybe I should have."

He let out an awkward chuckle. "Believe it or not... Serval was always the strong one", he confessed, "I couldn't keep anyone safe back then." "You can now. That's what matters", you hugged him closely, "I feel safe with you." Gepard hugged you back. "I'm glad to hear that. I love you", he kissed your cheek again, "you don't ever have to worry about upsetting me. I would never want to hurt you." You nodded.

Gepard pulled out a pack with seeds from his pocket. "Oh, you have another one?", you asked upon realizing it was the same plant you had dropped. He nodded and smiled. "I came prepared."

He stared down at the seeds absentmindedly. "You know...", he began, "I always thought flowers are the most beautiful when they bloom freely without interference; no matter how they turn out. The same goes for people. Even if you mess up, I first and foremost want to see you thrive. I want to support you and be by your side through the good and the bad. And I'll be proud of you for every bit of progress you make."

You grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a desperate kiss, tears falling down your cheeks again. But this time they did because you were moved by his words and how much love you had found in them. He kissed you deeply and lovingly, holding your hand in his to reassure you he'd be here with you for as long as you'd have him. He kissed away your sorrows and when your lips finally parted you found yourself with a bright smile on your face once more.

"Sorry about your plant", you sighed. He chuckled. "Seems we both just might be bad gardeners", he got up from the greenhouse floor and reached his hand out to you with an encouraging expression, "but we can try again - together." You took his hand, like a lifeline that was thrown to you to pull you from the deepest depths of the ocean. And looked forward to your future with him.

You knew now what came after the fire. Even the harshest inferno would eventually subside to make space for new beginnings and rebirth. One seed could one day grow into a vibrant garden if you just nurtured it and gave it time.

Life would always reclaim the space that destruction had left behind. And it all started with a couple of seeds, a few discarded flower pots and the warmth of Gepard's smile.

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #hsr #gepard x reader #gepard landau x reader #gepard landau #hsr gepard #gepard x you

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heeheesang · 1 month

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ʂƚɾαɳɠҽɾ ∂αɳɠҽɾ ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

four -> yn's past. (my apologies for the long chapter🥹)

“yn! that’s literally so funny what—“ byul, elle and i were cut off from laughing as we accidentally bumped into o ur seniors. “oh, sorry.” elle apologised as the three of us bowed as an apology for bumping into them. i looked up to see the three people i least expected to see, jay, ni-ki and jungwon.

“oh, please don’t worry about it.” jay reassured us as elle’s smile widened, meeting eyes with the older male as we bowed again. “aren’t you three auditioning for the new hybe survival show..? if i’m not wrong, you’re kim wonbyul.. kim elle..? and you’re yoon yn.” jay asked when the air became thicker.

“ah yes… we’re happy to meet you..?” i said, trying to form words since we were still new to bumping into idols and all. “was that a question or were you actually forming a sentence?” riki chuckled as i rolled my eyes playfully, “let her off riks, she’s new to this. well, we have to get going but it was nice meeting you.” jungwon said as he stared directly into my eyes.

what? does he wanna kiss me or something what’s with the attitude change?

i scoffed softly as i made an excuse, “sorry i have to attend to this.” i said rolling my eyes as i looked directly at jungwon. maybe i shouldn’t have done that, maybe i should’ve. that’s nothing compared to what he did to me in high school. he should’ve learnt his lesson by now, right?

“yoon yn. YOON YN!” elle yelled back for me as tears dropped down my cheeks, turnimg around as i faced her. “what.. elle. what is it? i’m sorry for acting up but.. i’m sorry go on with the dance practice without me, i’ll just see you next episode.” i said as i smiled through my tears, elle was about to open her mouth again but i just went up to her and hugged her, “i’m fine don’t worry about me.”

i walked past the walkways and got to a dark spot where i always went to if i needed to release my thoughts into space. i was wearing a grey tank with a beanie and some sweatpants as the cold wind brushed my hair, fuck i should’ve brought a jacket. i sighed and took out a stick, lighting it up as i inhaled a puff and let the smoke disperse in the air.

did i deserve that in high school? maybe it was a wake up call… but still, jungwon didn’t start a ‘call yn a slut’ chain, some stupid juniors did. maybe he isn’t all bad, am i thinking too much? jeonghan would hate me if i ever forgave jungwon this quick. jungwon didn’t really hurt me, just mentally and emotionally. again, it’s my fault for pushing him to be in a relationship with me… i knew he was emotionally unready or unstable a few weeks into our relationship so why didn’t he say anything?

“you know… sometimes it’s good to let your members know where you go. and it’s best to let your brother know where you went,” a familiar voice struck in my head as i snapped out of my thoughts, taking another puff of the tobacco flavoured stick as he sighs, “look yn… what i did back then—“

“please. no.” i cut him off as he pointed to the seat next to mine, i nodded and made a big space between us as i took yet another puff. “your friends and your brother are worried. they started coming after me because you talked about me..?” jungwon admitted as he sighed deeply and i nodded, “sorry about them.”

up til now, i hadn’t spared him a single glance. “yn, can we talk?” jungwon asked as he faced me, “we are talking.” i said, before he took my stick and threw it on the floor and used his foot to stop the fire from burning, turning me slowly to face him.

“please?” he said in a soft voice that i almost melted at, i nodded my head.

“i was stupid to say that you cheated, you obviously didn’t and i was at fault. i wasn’t very responsible as a boyfriend and i was seen with multiple girls and i said i had no time for our dates. i’ll be honest, i was jealous of seeing you spend more time with wonwoo than me.. so i made my schedule packed with tutees… i realised how stupid i was to think that i was in the right to tell everyone you chested and those juniors… called you names… because of me.” he took a deep breath to continue but i out my finger to his lips and shook my head with a deep sigh.

“look jungwon. i’m leaving that in the past, i’m happy, i’m glad you realised what you did wrong. i’ve tried everyway to avoid you but i guess the world just isn’t on my side. if we’re going to be label mates then, hello i’m yoon yn. what’s your name?” i said as i offered my hand, “yang jungwon, nice to meet you yn.”

“nice to meet you too asshat.”

masterlist | back | next

taglist! @rosas-in-the-garden @ilikekpop-c @aloloveswonie @jwonistic @drunkhee @h4918ymc @huieee @xiaoderrrr @ilovejungwonandhaechan @yourssincerely-mimi @n1k1mura @nnana2

hhs’ notes! double update!! omg the amount of support on this smau is insane like actually insane i love you all so much especially my readers from my last smau🥹🫶🏻 jungwon and yn making progress..! how do we feel? honetsly so much mixed feelings right now but like… better chapters to come that will cure our curiousity😭 as always, thank you for reading and enjoying this chapter, i’ll see you on the next chapter! i love you all so much mwah mwah mwah🥹🫶🏻🫶🏻

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kpopaussieline · 2 months

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First Kiss With bff!Hueningkai

T/w: Kissing, mention of reader being insecure, I think that's all? Let me know if I missed something

A/n: I was having thoughts and I just had to write them. Sorry if this is bad :)

W/c:💀 Idk. 1k+ maybe? I'm so sorry

You were fairly inexperienced with romance. You'd dated people before, but something always went wrong and the relationships never progressed far.

You'd learnt to live with that. Obviously you just weren't ready, or you just sucked at relationships. Either way, the love life was non-existent right now.

But now all your friends were dating- being affectionate, being couple goals and making you a third wheel.

You were jealous. As cliche and cringey as it sounded, you had so much to give and no-one to give to.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

You were hanging out with your best friend, Kai, at his place. You'd spent the past nine hours talking, listening to music, watching Netflix and eating.

And cuddling. Always cuddling. He was so clingy with you, you could be as close as humanly possible, and it still wouldn't be enough for him. Like right now, you had your arms around each other, your legs intertwined. A Marvel movie played in the background, but you weren't paying attention. You were too distracted by the pleasant tingle on your leg where Kai was running his fingers back and forth, back and forth, tracing patterns on your skin.

He snuggled his face into your neck and let out a content sigh. That's when you felt his lips press to your skin.

You craned your neck and gazed down at him with wide eyes. "Did you just kiss my neck?"

Kai looked up at you, blushing. "Yeah... Sorry, I couldn't help it."

You chuckled, still surprised, but finding him adorable when he's flustered. "It's okay."

And it was okay, because you'd been best friends for years and you were nearly too comfortable showing affection at this point. You'd lost track of how many people (including your parents) had asked if you two were actually dating.

Kai focused back on the movie, still snuggled into your side. "You ever think about your first kiss?" he asks out of the blue.

Your eyes darted from the TV to your best friend. You felt yourself blush a tiny bit at the unexpected question. You'd never kissed anyone because- apart from the tragic relationship history- you were insecure about not being good at it, and you hadn't wanted to let your partners down.

"Uh, yeah. I think about it sometimes," you admitted. You pause, then sigh. "I wish I could just kiss someone already."

Kai looked up at you with a soft gaze as his lower lip caught between his teeth. "What if...?" he trailed off, blushing madly and looking away.

You watched him patiently, waiting for him to finish his sentence. Your head automatically tilted to the side slightly as you waited.

He went quiet as he continued chewing his lip and avoiding eye contact. When he finally looked at you again, he seemed sheepish. "What if we have our first kiss together?"

You blinked, not sure you'd heard him right. Your face warmed and your heart started racing. You'd never admit it, but you'd had a little crush on Kai for years now. He didn't know, but you wondered now if he felt the same? Or was he just 'helping out a friend'?

Kai noticed your hesitancy and flushed more. "Sorry, it was a stupid idea. Forget I said anything." He looked away again.

"No, no, it's not stupid!" you reassured him. "I was just... caught off guard, that's all." There was an awkward moment silence. "So, um..." You licked your lips. "Do you want to?"

You really liked Kai. Secretly, you would love to share a memorable first kiss with him. It didn't matter to you now whether it went good or bad, it'd be with your best friend/crush of three years, so it wouldn't matter.

Kai's eyes flickered up to yours, he looked so nervous and innocent. "Only if you want to."

You shrugged, trying to act cool. "I mean, yeah. You're my best friend. I'm really comfortable around you, so I guess sharing a first kiss isn't a bad idea."

Kai sat up and angled his body so he faced you. He licked his lips and glanced down at the covers of his bed. Your heart was hammering in your chest and you suddenly forgot how to breathe smoothly.

You guys made eye contact before his eyes dropped to your mouth. Kai brought his hand to the side of your face as he leaned in closer.

It was fairly quick. Before you could fully process what was happening, Kai's lips were on yours.

It felt...

Electric. Like a warmth- a buzz- was spreading through your body as his lips pressed gently to yours. You put your hands on his shoulders and brought him closer as you moved your lips against his. He responded immediately, putting his other hand around your waist and bringing you against his chest.

You guys stayed like that for a moment before Kai pulled away, keeping you held to his body.

"That was-"

"Shh," you interrupted. You leaned in and connected your lips once more, wrapping your arms around his neck.

The second kiss only lasted a few seconds before there was a knock on Kai's bedroom door. Your heads whipped to the side, jump-scared by the sudden interruption.

"Time to go home!" Kai's mum called through the door.

"Okay!" Kai replied, and you picked up on his slightly breathless voice. That made you smile as you looked at his lightly flushed cheeks.

Kai locked eyes with you and flashed you a playful grin. "We can continue this another time," he teased.

But you knew he wasn't joking. And you were thankful for that, because now that this had happened, how could you possibly look back?

#txt #tomorrow x together #hueningkai #hueningkai fluff #soft thoughts #txt fluff #txt kai

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chaotic-nick · 1 year

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You can Still Learn: Eren Yeager × Reader

Here's the first instalment for my '400 follower milestone fic specials' with the theme '[Un]learning' where my favourite life lessons in twenty years of living are used for fics!

Plot: Eren's asked why his girlfriend doesn't play any sports, he didn't expect that he'd get mad at something in your past. WC: 1396

Lesson learnt: Playing a sport with a bad group of people ruins it for you, but don't be discouraged because there are people who'll make you want to pick it up again. + Someone will genuinely want to teach you something + the sooner you leave your 'group' of 'friends' the sooner the bad memories stop.

note: Established relationship, college au, reader is coded to have a big chest.

A girlfriend was never something that suited Eren in his first year of university. Quickly making himself known in their batch and their major’s seniors, then university organisations and then the sports teams that wanted him. He’d never maintain a relationship past a conversation. That was what everyone thought of him.

Everyone who knew him agreed that the lucky one signed up for heartbreak. Or worse, fall victim to a classic toxic college romance story.

“Babe,” Eren’s chin dug into her exposed shoulder, eyes scanning the textbooks stacked on the park’s wooden tables. “I don’t wanna leave you here. I already feel bad.”

He called for her again when she slouched forward, abruptly leaving his chin in the air, “Babe.” Truth was, the image everyone knew of him was his personal life bleeding into the impression he made.

Eren was far from what everyone thought he’d be. An abrupt change in the second semester of their second year when he first laid eyes on her.

“Hmm? Sorry, had an earphone in.” Part of it was the fear of letting her down when they first worked on a group project.

As they spent more time with their hands holding each other in her dorm, he turned lovesick. Never wanting to see the worst expressions on her face. “Do you wanna play ball?” He’d even go as far as calling himself the best boyfriend out of everyone in his circle.

“When did I ever play?” She turned to him already knowing that he wore a frown. “I like spending time like this. Really.”

He stood up, dribbling the ball that sat on the ground by their bags, looking for a way to convince her, “This’ll be the first time you’ll play ball and—”

“— first time playing ball outside my dorm.”

His hand froze, a disturbed expression stretching his mouth into a disgusted frown. “Fine. I’m not gonna feel bad leaving you here.”

“Good, good.”

Eyes followed Eren as he leaned to her table to look at her notebooks spread open. “Whatcha reading? Or notes?”

“Studying . . . reading into theories . . . parasocial relationships.” Followed by a proud, “Mhm. Big brain stuff.”

He nodded, like always. It was better to just agree. Last time he pushed her into an hour of discussion of colour theory in film. “Cool cool, remember to—” only to be interrupted by a whistle from his friends.

“LOVERBOY YEAGER!” Yelled Jean throwing them a cocky smile to hide the look of envy in his eyes.

Behind him came Connie to wave a hand as he rested his elbow on Jean’s shoulder. “Hey (Y/n).”

“Hello Connie,” then to the blonde that was shadowing Eren, “Reiner!”

The basketball that Jean passed to Reiner returned to him at high speed, bringing a force worse than a punch to his gut. He didn’t need to turn to them, already knowing that it was Eren.

“Don’t look at her like that.”

Holding his gut, he turned to Eren while his face showed that he fought the pained expression from showing, “I’m not?”

“You were.” Reiner pointed out, crouching down for the ball.

Instigating them more, Connie joined, “Yeaah, eyes big, mouth wide open. All that.”

“Does she play anything? Like basketball? Stuck sitting like that?” Instead of lunging at Jean, Eren only held the collar of his shirt up to his chin. “Just curious, really.”

“Honestly, yeah. You two are polar opposites. She studies and you, you just pass.”

In the hour that they were playing together, Eren properly turned his body to look at her whose form only resembled a shrimp more. “Dunno.” He shrugged.

Reiner joined them to hand Connie the ball, “Pfft, you two are stuck together—”

“—Like always together.”

“Really,” Eren repeated, “We don’t talk about stuff and. . .”

“You’re telling me you don’t know anything other than her name”

“No, I don’t know stuff like that yet.”

“And you’re all head over heels, wow.”

With wide eyes and in the sternest he’s ever been he cut them off, “I can tell you how soft her cheeks are though.”

“Ahh,”

“Great.”

“Like the Mochi Mikasa’s mom makes. Really!”

Subconsciously walking on the exposed side of the road, Eren’s hand now swung the mesh bag where she insisted to keep the ball in rather than, “I don’t want you letting it go and then dying because you got hit.” And the other firmly holding her hand.

“You okay?” She asked, wanting to take a picture of him with her backpack slung in front of him. “I can carry my own bag, ren—”

“No.” Came a firm tone. Silence enveloped them again when they crossed the road, switching sides with her. “Babe, do you play any sports?”

Tiredly she held up her free hand up to his eyesight, clenching it into a fist. “That’s just taekwondo. Not balls?” Then her pointer finger poked out up to touch her thumb, forming a circle. “Dorm activities don’t count.”

“Uh-huh, then it’s a no.” A long look at the side of his face, slowing their pace. “Not even when we’re going rounds and rounds and I tap out?”

“Not at all, babe. Like an actual sport.”

Facing the street again she started in a softer tone, “I wanted to . . .” and when she felt him look down on her she looked up with a grin, “. . . play with balls. You made it come true— sorry. But I wasn’t joking. Got sick after Volleyball— google lied when they said it’s good for asthmatics.”

“Well shit.”

“Mhm, and, and before that, I wanted to play basketball, though.” Joining the line at the their usual takeaway place she let go of his hand and faced him.

“What happened?”

“I think it was the end of tenth grade, bunch of my friends got together in a circle— they were all

basketball girls and were just throwing the ball around. I thought, why not join them? I need a

break from studying for exams. And then while I was distracted I was hit in the chest area, when I looked at them they were laughing. Like straight to the boob. Shit, it hurt. So I never played with my own so-called friends.” Looking down, her shirt stretched the text over her chest. “My boobs made it a good target for them it seems.”

“What the— shit! Fuck? Babe what?”

“I mean my boobs were just there so, yeah I guess it was funny to them”

“Still,” he emphasised, eyebrows furrowing together. “That’s shitty of them to do.”

“Come to think of it they always made fun of my chest, that was the only time they hit it though. No, wait . . . three times, I think.”

“Babe,” he repeated, “It’s fucked up shit.”

“It was in the tenth grade, ‘ren.” Waving at the owner’s daughter through the window, she didn’t understand why Eren was more pressed than her.

“So what? Come on babe, you’re learning how to dribble right now.” he caught on quickly and tried to talk in a lighter tone, “—then when you can shoot hoops we’re getting couples’ jerseys, yeah?”

“Oh shut up, let’s go or—”

“Yeah back to the park.” His civility can only last to an extent.

“No, to the dorms after we eat. You need a shower, baptise your clothes in detergent.”

“And you’re hugging my arm.”

“Because if you keep swinging you’ll hit someone.” The image of her wearing a pouted expression before pretending that it was a genuine mistake only boiled his blood more.

“It better be one of your so called friends.”

“I don’t talk to them anymore.”

“Good.” Still, she’s told him enough about them to know that this was . . . tame. “I’m still mad at them, fuckers can burn.”

“Wow.” Unable to stop the grin tugging at the corner of her mouth, “maybe high school would’ve been more fun with you in it, or with genuine friends.”

“And you could’ve learnt— I’m sorry it’s just so, what the fuck, babe?” Seeing his eyebrows meeting like in anger for something that had happened fours years ago brought a smile to her face, a warmth to a heart that only knew rejection when it wanted to learn.

“We can probably do that when we’re done with our tests.”

#nick writes fics #eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader #eren x you #aot x reader #aot x y/n #aot x you #aot fanfiction

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aloneinthehellfire · 2 years

Text

Chapter 1: Flickering Lights

Raining Hellfire Series | Season One

Word Count: 6525 words.

Warnings: Swearing, flashbacks to past trauma, bad relationship with biological parents, Will's disappearance (let me know if I missed anything!), + fairly decent writing if you pretend it is

[A/N: I can't blame you if you find this hard to read, my terrible writing + a high word count would make anyone suffer. But, if you do read all of this chapter, I hope you like it :) Also much more Eddie content to come it's hard putting Eddie into the story when he wasn't introduced until Season 4]

Flickering Lights

What did you do?

Oh my god Y/n

WHAT DID YOU DO???

You wake up with a pounding heart, sweat soaking the bed. It had been a while since you had that dream.

The alarm clock on your bedside table read 8pm, meaning your well-thought out ‘power nap’ has lasted 8 hours. All the sleepless nights you spent studying seemed to have caught up with you.

“Fireball him!”

Your head spins to your window, noticing that you had left it open before sleeping. Bed creaking, you walk over, grabbing at the handle while hearing the busy chatter of young boys.

Living next to the Wheelers’ house meant that you had your very own commentary of the events that unfolded in the basement. Mike and his friends usually played D&D down there, something you never knew existed until you moved to Hawkins and got to know the family next door.

Mike’s friends were as annoying as they were loud, happily interrupting your day as you came home to drone on about their campaigns. Personally, you didn’t truly mind. While you’d rather walk into your uncle’s house in peace, it was sweet that they saw you as someone they could talk to. All because you and Nancy had grown close over the past 2 years.

You thought being the new Freshman in Hawkins’ High School would at least give you a fighting chance. Until you learnt that everyone already knew eachother since they had grown up there, and you felt just as lonely as you looked. Nancy being assigned as your tour guide was blessing sent from the big man himself, she not only showed you around but began inviting you to lunch with her friend Barb. Admittedly, it was probably out of pity at first but after you got to know eachother, there was an instant connection.

You count yourself lucky to live next door to a family that welcomes you as if you were one of their own.

Slamming the window shut, you quickly adjust your look in the mirror. Even though you had been here two years, your room was still pretty bare. You hadn’t taken much with you in the first place, leaving most of your things in California since you left so quickly. There wasn’t much reason for you to decorate. Your plans to leave as soon as you graduate were set in stone. No matter how long you stay here, it isn’t ever going to feel like home.

You make your way into the living room, noticing the beer bottles that had been abandoned on the kitchen counter as you walked past.

You live here with your uncle, an arrangement your parents had made since the event. It’s not that you hated your uncle, but you certainly didn’t like him. You understood how inconvenient it all must have been, especially since your aunt had died three months prior to your arrival. But rather than just talk, he liked to drink. A lot. So did your mother in all fairness, so it must run in the family.

The living room was filled with pictures of your aunt. Mostly from when she was younger but your uncle loved taking photos when she was alive, taking any opportunity to snap a picture when he thought she looked beautiful. It was something that was quite bittersweet now. Even the chair that sits untouched in the corner as if it is waiting for its owner to return. Bittersweet.

A note was stuck to the dining table.

‘Out with a few people from work. Try not to get into trouble.’

You sigh. It wasn’t an uncommon note for him to write. The notes he left were always short and snappy and always left out any possibility for you feeding yourself.

Grabbing the note and ripping it in half, you venture into the kitchen, swiftly grabbing the bottles to take with you as you exited through the back door toward the metal trash-cans. The air was much colder than you realised as it attacked your bare legs. Clearly this wasn’t the weather for comfy shorts.

The sudden sensation caused you to drop a bottle, smashing as soon as it hit the concrete.

“Fuck.” You whispered, knowing that there was no way you would be able to pick up every piece.

“Need some help there?”

You brought your gaze to the young boy who was now staring at you with a goofy grin, clearly amused at your impromptu balancing act.

“Oh hey, Dustin.” You said casually, as if your arm wasn’t cramping from the awkward position.

Without a word he takes a few bottles from your hand to help you straighten up, you both discarding the bottles before turning back to eachother.

“Thanks.” You chuckle, staring down at him. There was a pretty big height difference between you two, but that was expected for a 16 and 12 year old.

“Anytime, Y/n. You know you’re my favourite Wheeler.” His smile was too precious.

“You realise I’m not actually- wait. What about Nancy?”

Yes, there was Mike but him and Nancy always had a special bond.

He begins walking back around to the Wheeler house, curiosity leading you with him. He brought you to join his friends, silently pointing at Nancy’s window. Looking up, you could see her stood by it and facing her room with a phone in her hand.

“Ah yes, she uses a phone. She must be the devil.” You mock, earning a small giggle from Will.

Dustin ignores your comment, turning to Mike instead.

“There’s something wrong with your sister.”

“What are you talking about?” Mike questions, helping Will with his bike before walking over to join you.

“She’s got a stick up her butt.”

“Yeah. It's because she's been dating that douchebag, Steve Harrington.” Lucas chimes in, shaking his head in disgust.

You look back up to her window, seeing her twirl her hair. You knew she was talking to Barb but it was undeniable that she was talking about Steve.

“So she’s dating ‘The Hair’... I don��t think that qualifies her as a jerk.”

“Yes it does!” Lucas replied quickly.

“Yeah, she's turning into a real jerk.” Dustin said solemnly, Mike adding that she had always been a jerk.

“Nuh-uh, she used to be cool.” He said defensively, grabbing his bike. “Like when she and Y/n dressed up as elves for our Elder Tree campaign!”

“Hey! Don’t go spreading that around. And if anyone asks, Nancy did that long before I did.” You really didn’t need him blabbering about something you did two years ago.

“She didn’t even accept the pizza slice, Y/n. Who would do something like that?” Dustin stared at you. It was pretty clear that Nancy’s recent behaviour has left him disheartened.

“Only a true monster.” You said shaking your head and grabbing your heart dramatically before faking a faint. The eruption of giggles meant you had succeeded in cheering them up.

Dustin gave you his signature toothless smile and you ruffled his curly hair before they all said goodbye and rode off. Will and Mike still behind but talking to one another so you thought it best to just go back inside.

After kick-brushing the shards of glass towards the bin (you’d deal with it tomorrow morning), you stepped onto the small porch of your back door and swung the door open. You heard Will’s goodbye and the sound of pedals before the porch light began flickering.

Great, you thought, I guess I have to fix that too.

“So did he call?”

“Keep your voice down.”

You were stood by your locker with Nancy and Barb. You had no idea how you got to that conversation but clearly they preferred the topic of boys much more than you did.

“I told you, it's not like that. Okay, I mean, yes, he likes me, but not like that. We just made out a couple times.” Nancy says with a lovesick look in her eyes.

You groaned, placing your head on your locker. Your so-called ‘nap’ meant you hadn’t slept more than 2 hours last night and you were starting to feel the consequences hammering in your head. Barb, however, took your groan as a different meaning.

“‘We just made out a couple times’,” Barb mimics Nancy’s voice before returning to a serious tone, “Nance, seriously, you're gonna be so cool now, it's ridiculous. Even Y/n agrees with me.”

“No, I'm not. And Y/n just doesn’t like Steve.” She replies, sending a satire glare your way. It’s not false; you did like to fantasise about Steve’s reaction to waking up bald one day. But seeing how much your friend liked him meant you had to be nice.

“It’s not him necessarily. It’s those friends of his.” You say, shuddering as if the thought was disgusting. Truth is, you and Steve used to be good friends in Freshman year until he started hanging out with Ken and Barbie.

“You better still hang out with me and Y/n, that's all I'm saying. If you become friends with Tommy H. or Carol -” Barb says.

“Oh, that's gross! Okay, I'm telling you, it was a one-time... Two-time thing.” Nancy defends herself, opening her locker to find a note. You read it immediately and groaned again.

“As much as I love talking about someone who thinks there’s no such thing as too much hairspray… I need to get to class.” You slam your locker shut, saying quick goodbyes as you walked off.

Class didn’t start for another 5 minutes but truthfully, the conversation was boring you. Sure, you’ve talked about boys before. Plenty of times. But it never felt the same as when you were 13.

“Oh my god Y/n, did he, like, kiss you?” Your best friend asked, her voice squeaking slightly at the word.

“Ew, no. Well, not yet anyway.” You said, leaning back nonchalantly. In actual fact, you were screaming inside.

“Well when you do, I want to be the first to know. Your first kiss is a big deal and I’m lonely so let me live through you.” She giggles, bumping your shoulder.

“Who else would I even tell?”

You hadn’t thought about that night in a long time. You stop and take a breath. To think that the year only went downhill from there.

Shrugging off the thought, you quicken your pace, turning the corner at such a fast pace that anyone coming the other way would surely collide with you.

Which is exactly what happened.

“OW!” A loud, slightly higher pitched voice rung out as your forehead most certainly hit theirs. The force was powerful enough to send you backwards, sending your books to the floor and scattering the pages that you had hoped would stay tucked into them.

“I’m so so so sorry.” You said hurriedly, wincing as you grabbed your head. That was gonna bruise.

“Well yeah I should hope-”

The voice stopped for a second and you removed the hand from you head to get a better view. And immediately, you blushed.

Before you was a boy, which normally wouldn’t phase you but this boy looked… cool. His clothes, first of all, were incredibly cool. All black with a long sleeve shirt that read ‘WELCOME TO HELL’ in bold red letters, hidden beneath a black jacket. And then his hair was just… wow. It was messy, but the good kind. It fell to his shoulders but was layered so it made it fluffier. Lastly, his left hand held three chunky rings, designs that you couldn’t very well due to the aching in your forehead. That very hand was now held out to you as he looked upon you with concern written on his face. He was just, well, beautiful.

All that staring at him caused you to become temporarily deaf.

“Helloooo?” He sang, waving his hand to get your attention. He most certainly already had it.

“Sorry?” You said, blushing even harder. What was happening.

“I asked if you were alright.” He smiled. God, you loved that smile.

“I, uh, yeah. Well, um, yes.” You rambled, attempting to pick up your books before you embarrassed yourself any further. You needed to get it together.

“As long as you’re sure.” He laughed, handing you a book.

Both of you slowly stood with you attempting to shuffle your books into a more comfortable manner. Why did you leave your bag in your locker? Ugh. When you looked back up at him, you opened your mouth but found you had nothing to say. Why was your brain just malfunctioning?

“Look-” You began, ready to apologise again and again. You didn’t want to make an enemy.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” He cut you off, crossing his arms.

“What?”

“I get it. Avoid the freak or you’ll be thrown from your little group.”

“I… what?” Confusion was setting in.

He leaned in, looking around the hallway before speaking.

“I get that you and the other clearly superior beings don’t like people like me or, well, just me. And seeing as I’ve never seen you around before, I will spare you the traumatising experience of having to admit that you and I bumped heads.” His voice had changed along with his demeanour. You were seriously missing that smile now.

“I’m not with them.” You were shaking your head now, and his eyes fell to your journal.

“Ah. Y/n. I’ve heard quite a few rumours about you.”

“What?” There were rumours?

“Hm. Yeah, you’re the one that’s trying to fit in with all the other pricks in here because you didn’t make it at your last school. So please, don’t use me as your way to prove your shallow heart to your glorious leaders.” He took a step back, clearly waiting for you to throw an insult his way.

Your heart sunk. You knew he had to have a good reason to hate them, the same way you did too. But you definitely weren’t expecting him to speak to you like that. You were wrong about him, the same way he is completely wrong about you. He was just like every other boy.

“Fuck you.” You said, barging past him, trying not to notice the way his eyes widened. You think you heard him say something but you just needed to find a bathroom fast. Tears were threatening to spill. It’s not what he said, but the mention of your last school tore at something inside you. Pain. Anger. Regret.

You burst into the first bathroom you found, closing and leaning on the door while trying to will the tears away. You needed to get your emotions under control. You let out a sigh before you heard giggling erupt from the other corner of the room. Pulling your focus towards them, your breath hitched. You’d notice that hair anywhere.

“Y/n, hey.” Nancy’s voice rang out. It was nice of her to pull her lips away from Hawkins’ very own playboy for two seconds just to talk to you. You tried not to notice the way her face was flushed.

“Hi.” Steve said, sliding his arm around Nancy’s shoulder.

You stared at them before realising the situation.

“Gross.” You plainly said, turning around and swinging the door back open. Nancy noticed your teary eyes and stepped away from Steve to look at you with worry.

“Wait, are you okay?” She asked.

“Never been better.” You muttered. Not wanting to stick around longer you quickly exited and made your way to class.

As much as you liked Nancy, it was none of her business.

Photography was something that you discovered a passion for in Hawkins. While living in California would have provided you with so many amazing photo possibilities, Hawkins just felt different. It was quieter. You found so much beauty in that. So when the opportunity of taking a photography class was presented to you, you took it.

Most days your teacher would let his class experiment with the school supplied cameras, something you loved since you didn’t have the money to buy your own. You desperately needed a job but nowhere would take you, mostly because you were only 16.

You sat next to Jonathan, watching him shift around with the focus on his camera. You liked Jonathan, he wasn’t like the others at Hawkins. In fact, it seemed he was the only male here who didn’t make you want to rip your hair out. He was most definitely shy, usually stuck in his own world. For the first year you knew him, he had barely uttered two sentences to you. But now he was a lot more comfortable with you. He was a friend.

“Taken any new photos lately?” You asked, resting your chin on your hand.

“A few. Nothing worth adding to my project though.” He said quietly before a satisfied hum sounded; he had set the camera to his liking.

Your teacher had given us a project that he, to your dislike, had named ‘Happiness’. You were instructed to take photos of what makes you happy, hoping you would dig deeper and create more meaningful pieces. The minimum amount of photos was twenty. You didn’t even have one.

“You wanna borrow my camera tonight?” He turned his eyes to your direction, raising his brow.

“Uh… no, no. It’s fine. I don’t really know what I’d want to shoot yet anyway.” Shaking your head and flipping through the textbook in front of you.

“You know you need to start sometime. Even if it’s just something small. Like a favourite place of yours, or even a person.” He says, bumping your shoulders with a knowing look.

He knew you were struggling with this. It wasn’t that you couldn’t take great photos, because you were amazing at it, but happy things just weren’t your expertise.

“I’ll think about it. So… you up to anything tonight?” You look at him, begging to change the subject.

He just shrugged, making notes in his book before putting his pencil down and turning his body to face yours.

“Have you seen Will lately?”

The question caught you by surprise. Was something wrong with Will?

“Yeah, I saw him last night when he was at the Wheelers.”

“Did you see him leave?”

“I remember he rode off with Dustin and Lucas but that’s about it.” You began to feel your stomach twist. Something was clearly wrong.

“Okay, thanks.” He said, rubbing his face.

“Is everything okay?”

He looked at you, eyebrows scrunching together before he shook his head and continued fiddling around with his camera.

“He just-” He said after a while, setting his camera back down, “He just didn’t come home last night. And I was working when I shouldn’t have been but my mum needs the extra cash right now and I know I should have been there to make sure but-”

“Hey, hey,” You placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him down, “He might have just stayed the night as Dustin’s or something and forgot to call.”

You knew it was an empty gesture, you had a bad feeling that you just couldn’t shake. You hoped that by convincing Jonathan he was fine, you’d convince yourself.

Will was a quiet kid, much like his brother, but you’ve seen the way he talks about his friends. When you first met he usually let the other kids take the lead in talking to you but as soon as you asked what D&D was about, you saw his face light up. Usually you would be bored half to death, but seeing how happy it made him, you became invested. You began to feel protective of him, of all of them. You don’t know what you’d do without them.

“I hope so.” He said in a small voice before the bell rang out. He grabbed his stuff, saying how he needed to get home. Understandable. You just wished that Will would be home when he got there.

Every day, after the last bell has rung, you would make your way to the benches that sat just behind the school, further up the field. It was usually an empty area where you could sit and listen to music without being disturbed. Somewhere you could think while not thinking at all. You were meant to meet Nancy for a study date later but it still gave you two hours to yourself.

Grabbing your Walkman, a tape already set in its slot, you placed the headphones over your ears and pressed play, laying on your back so that your legs hung off the edge of the picnic bench.

I hear the ticking of the clock

I’m lying here, the room’s pitch dark

I wonder where you are tonight

“Hello?”

No answer on the telephone

“Yoo-hoo?”

And the night goes by so very-

“What the hell?” The headphones were suddenly yanked away from you, causing you to squint against the sun at the figure that stood over you. You sat up straight and prepared to take back your headphones.

“Sorry, I did say hello but you’re music was too loud- wait, what even is this?”

“None of your business.” You say, snatching the headphones from their hands. The rings glinted in the sunlight, catching your eye. You recognised those rings. Oh shit.

“Keeping it to yourself. That’s cool, very mysterious.” He said with a chuckle.

It was him, the guy you had bumped into earlier. Even now, after a long day at school, he looked incredible- No. He may look like a god but he still insulted you.

“What do you want?” You ask defensively, a glint of anger in your voice as you remembered past events. Making sure to stop the tape, you clutched your Walkman before stuffing it back in your bag. So much for having some time to yourself.

“Hey!” He said, waving his arms to stop what you were doing, “I just wanted to talk. About earlier.”

He crossed his arms against his torso, looking at the ground. He looked shy all of a sudden. He then took your silence as an opportunity to speak.

“I didn’t mean to be dick to you. Or insult you. I just…” He paused, walking around the space as he thought of what to say, “I get pretty guarded when I speak to someone. You spend so long as ‘The Freak’ that you get used to being treated like ass and I wasn’t in the mood for it today.”

“I-” You began, setting your bag down.

“No, I was an idiot and I insulted you. Which wasn’t cool of me at all, I don’t even know you and I was just as much of a judgemental asshole as the rest of them so I’m so very, very, sorry.”

You weren’t expecting this at all. In all honesty, you would have probably forgotten about the meeting in a few hours time. Words were stuck in your throat and you just blurted out the first thing in your mind.

“I like your rings.”

He looks at you in surprise and you feel the colour rushing to your cheeks. Why the hell did I say that?

“Sorry, I just didn’t know what to say and I didn’t want there to be this awkward silence because, like, the more awkward it gets the more I want to be silent but then that just makes it more awkward and I… I was rambling wasn’t I?” You clock his amused grin that spread across his face, creating the most precious crinkles you have ever seen.

“No, no it’s fine, it was cute.” He blurted. It was now his turn to turn red. He laughed weirdly, obviously embarrassed of his own remark.

“I’m sorry too. That’s what I wanted to say… that I was sorry. I get it, the whole people treating you like shit thing. I get that too. I can’t blame you for defending yourself. I just… is that really what people say about me?”

“Huh?” He shifted his gaze from your lips to your eyes.

“That thing you said, about the rumour. Do people really say that?” You quieten. You’ve been here two years now and you didn’t even begin to think what people were saying behind your back.

“No, no, no… well, not exactly.” He quickly sat down next to you on the bench top, placing his hands lazily on his lap, messing around with his rings. Why does he only have rings on his left hand?

“What do they say?” When he stays silent you enquire further, “Seriously tell me. At least if I know I can prepare myself for when Tommy and his band of walking cliches come for me.”

“I haven’t heard much,” He finally says, tilting his head towards you, “But I heard people say all sorts of crazy stuff when you first appeared. Something about you being sent away because your parents didn’t want you. And one about you only being friends with that Wheeler girl because you wanted in to the hoard of wannabes.” He said so matter of factly as if he didn’t believe it’s true.

“Oh.” That’s all you say. You had to admit, that stung.

“I don’t believe them!” He raises both his hands as if he had just been caught by the cops.

“No, don’t worry it’s… fine. At least I know now.” You quickly added. You weren’t a wannabe, but the first part was true.

“Anyway,” He said, “I never got to formally introduce myself when I made the most awful first impression in the world.”

He gets up to stand in front of you, bowing so theatrically that you began to giggle.

“Eddie Munson, at your service.” As he straightened up, his hair whipped behind him and he extended a hand, “And you are?”

“You already know my name.” You laughed, shaking your head.

“Shh, pretend I don’t, I’m trying something here.”

“Okay, I’m Y/n, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Eddie.” You take his hand, trying to ignore how the brush of his skin made your heart flutter.

“Pleasure is all mine, Y/n.” He pretended to kiss your hand before gently dropping it and sitting on the grass in front of you, stretching his legs and using his arms to prop himself up.

“No last name there Y/n?” He asked.

“Not something I use very often. I’m thinking of dropping it completely, like Madonna or Prince.” It’s true. You never say your surname out loud. You weren’t even sure you were allowed to after that look your parents had given you that night.

“I like it, make a statement.” He nodded, he obviously noticed how uncomfortable the mention of your family surname made you.

“Exactly.”

You both talked for a while, mostly about school and how much you both disliked Harrington and his gang, laughing at eachother’s jokes until there was a moment of silence. Not awkward just… peaceful. You were looking into the distance, noticing the young boys you knew were riding their bikes past the front field. There were only three of them.

Remembering what Jonathan had told you suddenly brought you back to reality. As you looked back at Eddie, you saw he was already staring at you, a soft smile on his face.

“What time is it?” You asked, looking at the watch on his wrist, attempting to hide your own smile at his own but failing immediately.

“It’s about… 5.” He said nodding in agreement with himself.

“Oh shit I’m late!” You started grabbing you bag, hopping off the bench and turning to look at Eddie who was already stood next to you.

“For what?” He questioned, closing the space between you both as he looked down into your eyes. You couldn’t deny the warm feeling in your chest.

“I was meant to be meeting Nancy to study like 20 minutes ago! My god, I think she might actually kill me.” It was true, Nancy was very serious when it came to studies.

“Ah well, that sounds… fun.” He smiled, leaning against the bench.

“Yeah I can’t wait for her to scream at me about hydrogen atoms.” You laugh, adjusting your backpack. Thank god you decided to ride your bike in today. You had your drivers license but you were missing a key part; a car.

“Thank you,” You said, turning around, “for coming to apologise. I’m glad you did.”

“Me too.” He smiled again, grabbing part of his hair to cover his cheek, “Now go, I would hate to find that you were brutally murdered by a science book.”

You laughed, saying a quick goodbye and sprinting toward your bike. Maybe he was better than you thought.

Your recent high had been shattered when you made it to the Wheeler house.

Karen had opened the door, welcoming you in and letting you know that Nancy was in the dining room with everyone else. As you both walked through, you could hear Mike’s raised voice as he complained about having to stay in.

“We’ve been over this. The chief said-” Karen said, sighing as if they had been having this conversation long before you arrived.

“I don’t care what the chief said.” He snapped, both of his hands on the table.

“Michael!”

As they continued to argue, you made your way to Nancy, smiling with raised eyebrows at the quarrel before you. She just shook her head in disappointment, smiling back as you took a seat next to her.

“Will could be in danger!”

“Wait, what?” Your attention now completely focused on the dark haired boy, “What happened?”

“He went missing, they found his bike on the side of the road today. He hadn’t made it home last night.” Karen answered solemnly. Your heart sank, so many scenarios running through your head.

“They’ll find him.” Mr. Wheeler said in monotone. He was clearly more interested in his paper than the conversation.

“More reason to stay put.” Karen chimed. She was clearly just trying to protect her child.

“Mom! I don’t see Y/n staying home!” Mike whined. You glared at him. Why did he have to bring you into this?

“Y/n lives next door, it’s not like she’s riding out in the dark. End of discussion.” His mother demanded, finalising their argument by taking a sip of her water.

“So… Y/n and I were gonna study for the chemistry test at Barb’s house tonight. That’s cool right?” Nancy spoke, looking at you to agree with her. This was news to you but you nodded along nonetheless.

“No, not cool.” Karen said, spinning around to face you.

“What? Why not?”

“Why do you think? Am I speaking Chinese in this house? Until we know Will is okay, no one leaves.”

You chose to stay silent. You knew Nancy didn’t want to leave just to study at Barb’s house.

“So we’re under house arrest?”

“Don’t be dramatic Nancy.”

“This is such bullshit.”

“Language!”

You zoned out of the conversation, your thoughts drifting to Will. You had possibly the nicest time of your years here talking to Eddie while at the same time, Will had been missing. He could be all alone and afraid. And you told Jonathan that he was okay.

“You’re just pissed because you wanna hang out with Steve.”

That caught your attention. Of course this had to do with Steve. Nancy looked at you with an expression you couldn’t quite read, yelling at her Mike for spilling her secret. You came here to study with your friend and she was just going to ditch you for her new boy toy. Rude.

“You’re such a douche, Mike!” She screamed, shoving out of her chair and storming off to her room.

“I… should go with her.” You mumbled as you stood up and left. You didn’t want to stick around much longer.

When you entered Nancy’s room, she was sat on her bed with the phone that she must have grabbed along the way. You silently sat on the edge of her bed, setting your bag down on the floor and taking your shoes off.

“Yeah, sorry, we’ll meet up another time… okay. Bye.” She hung up and placed the phone on her night stand, sighing.

“Steve?” It wasn’t really a question, you knew she wasn’t talking to Barb.

“Yeah… I’m really sorry. He asked me to meet up with him tonight and I couldn’t find you at the end of school to tell you.” She gave an apologetic smile. “But I guess that doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Your mom is just scared. Will is literally missing. I can’t even imagine how Joyce is feeling let alone your mom.” It was a heartbreaking thought, knowing Joyce and Jonathan were having to deal with all this right now.

“I know, you’re right. Mike just gets me worked up sometimes. I mean, can you believe he just blurted about Steve like that?”

“It was uncalled for, I guess.” You chuckled as Nancy grabbed her cards and held them out to you.

The night went smoothly. You still worried about Will but trusted that the sheriff would find him soon. As you quizzed Nancy, the images of a familiar smile filled your mind. You just couldn’t get Eddie out of your head. Clearly it was written all over your face when Nancy tilted her head laughing.

“What’s that smile for?”

“What? Nothing. I just… really love Chemistry.” A failed attempt at misdirection.

“Shut up, you’re thinking about a boy.”

“How did you-”

She just raised her eyebrows.

“That obvious, huh?” You might be able to keep in words but your face always gave you away.

“Well, tell me! Who is he?” She squealed, excited that you may have met someone.

Before you could answer, there was a tapping noise at the open window, causing both of you to jump and scatter the cards everywhere.

“Yeah, who is he?” Steve said in a high-pitched voice, clearly mocking you both.

“Steve!” Nancy made her way to the window. You just stayed sat on the bed.

Yay..., you thought while rolling your eyes, it’s Steve.

“What are you doing here? I told you I would have to stay in tonight-”

“I know. We’ll study here.”

“No, I told you, absolutely not, go away-”

Yes, please go away Steve.

“I don’t want you to fail tomorrow.” He interrupts, flashing his signature smile. You didn’t think it was possible to roll your eyes harder.

Despite her earlier protests, she opened her window further, allowing him access. He climbed through, landing softly on his feet. You would be impressed if you weren’t aware that he has snuck into many girls’ windows before. What a gentleman.

“What did I tell you? A ninja.” He was clearly referencing an inside joke you didn’t know.

You began putting your shoes back on and stuffing your books back into your bag. It was obvious that you weren’t wanted anymore.

“Y/n, what are you doing?” Nancy asked with so much innocence that you figured she was oblivious to Steve’s actual plans for being here.

“She’s probably just tired.” Steve remarked, shrugging. That asshole.

“I didn’t feel like sitting here while you made out with Mr Hairspray over there.” You shot back, happy with Steve’s offended reaction that Nancy ignored.

“What? No, we’re just studying I promise.” Nancy walked to you, hand on your arm. “Plus you didn’t even tell me about that boy.”

“Wow, never thought Y/n would even have a boy.” Steve snorted with his hands in his pockets.

“Steve!” Nancy hushed. She knew you two didn’t get along but still managed to act surprised when you fought.

“Y/n!” She also said as you stuck your middle finger at him, standing and swinging your bag onto your shoulder.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Nancy.” You said, smiling in reassurance that you didn’t blame her for this sudden situation.

“Bye, Y/n.” Steve said cheerily, giving you a wave.

“Bye, Hairy.” You replied as you left her room, smirking to yourself.

You didn’t need to turn around to know Steve was angry with your nickname. A nickname that surely was going to make a comeback soon. It was too good to let go now that you started.

You stood at the counter as your uncle walked in, bringing the stench of alcohol in with him. He had been drinking with his work friends again. You were pretty sure he doesn’t consider them as ‘friends’, it just gave him an excuse to drink.

“Aren’t you meant to be asleep?” He muttered.

“I’m 16 and it’s only 9.” You replied softly. He wasn’t a horrible man. Truth is, he was still mourning. He and your aunt never even got to have any kids before she died. This was as new to him as it was to you.

“Ah. Well, I’ll be in the other room if you need me.” He patted your shoulder and left holding a beer bottle he had removed from the fridge.

You just sat in your room for the rest of the night, attempting to study the cards you hadn’t gotten the chance to look at before the horny mascot of shampoo had crashed your study date. But no matter what you tried, your mind was running a hundred miles an hour with every thought but chemistry. Will. Eddie. California.

You knew this year was going to be different. You felt it as you got into bed, body shivering as you turned off the bedside lamp that had began flickering.

Yet another bulb to replace.

Chapter 2: Pool Parties and Good Punches ->

#stranger things #stranger things reader insert #stranger things x reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #dustin henderson #mike wheeler #will byers #lucas sinclair #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #x reader #female reader #eddie munson fanfic #fanfic

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how-masterful · 1 year

Text

My personal opinion on the 'Yaz and the Master' debate is he was absolutely messing with her. Even from the start. From the moment he met the fam he wanted to mess with all of them by giving them what they wanted.

He gave 13 a friend who understood beyond the companion level. He was texting her, he knew spycraft, he was seasoned in alien invasion. He was the genius 13 could bounce off of rather than yank by the hand to safety. He was an equal.

He gave Graham the possibility of knowing more about the doctor. Graham was a parental type, he was curious about just who he, Ryan and yaz had run away with. O had a shelf full of information on the doctor, and offered it to him. He was information.

He gave Ryan involvement. Ryan wasn't truly craving anything from the fam, he'd built his relationship back up with Graham, dealt with his dad, and had promised help to Yaz. All the master had to do was make him feel involved, like he did need to come back, rather than stay at home. He was vindication.

But with Yaz? Yaz was the most desperate. He could see from the moment she was in that chamber that thirteen had a secret favourite. Yaz craved the doctors approval, craved to impress her, craved to be loved. So all he had to do was turn on the charm, tease her and make her feel needed. Not only would that give Yaz pause, but also make thirteen feel jealous too. He had her pinned down as the last one to leave instantly. He was the attention she craved.

I think any 'attraction' people see between them both is purely his jealousy of the doctor manifesting. It's the reason he keeps Yaz around when he's the doctor, why he pushes her buttons when he's the seismologist. Its why he says to her 'stick with me, yaz'- he's taunting her. Because he knows yaz will refuse to leave until she's forced out.

Nothing will ever come close to his fascination with Jo, to me Yaz is the spy master's version of missy's obsession with Clara- a girl who is so desperate to be the doctor, that he can mess with eternally because they know they won't leave until they're pulled away. But Jo was different, she didn't want to be the doctor, she was empowered by him. She learnt from her past mistakes and adapted, like when she learnt to resist hypnosis.

Overall, Yazter wasn't real. It was never intended to be. It was purely the master doing what he does best- pushing the doctors buttons by teasing their closest friends.

#doctor who #bbc doctor who #the master #sacha!master #dhawan!master #sacha dhawan #spymaster #bbc #doctor who series 12 #yaz khan #thirteenth doctor #jo grant

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tracingpatternswrites · 5 months

Text

The Patchwork of Us | Chapter 10

(I'm just copy/pasting my A/N notes into this post)

My darlings! I'm feeling quite emotional now that I'm about to post the final chapter of this story.

I cannot tell you all how incredibly blown away and happy I am over the reception of this fic. It started as a silly idea and having so many people reading along and commenting has really made this into such a special journey.

In this country, we celebrate Christmas on the 24th so I'm back in my childhood home tonight, and I'm sitting on the sofa in the living room writing/editing/posting Wolfstar fanfic while my family watches telly around me and it's like I'm 16 years old again (and not like it was 16 years since I used to do this, hush).

Anyway, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has joined me on this journey and everyone who has read and kudoed and commented so far. Without you, this wouldn't be as fun. I'm so humbled and grateful that you have fallen in love with these idiots (and Teddy) the same as I have. Thank you!

Also a special thank you to @heartofspells and @squintclover for being so encouraging, for betaing, for bouncing ideas and for always, always, always being my biggest cheerleaders when I have a new bizarre AU idea. I love you both!

I will post the actual full post for this fic tomorrow, but you can read it from the beginning here.

Snippet below the cut.

“Why can’t I come?” Teddy asked, his bottom lip pushed out in a pout as he kicked his legs against the side of the tub.

He was perched on the edge of it, watching as Sirius was getting himself ready. Sirius had pulled his hair up into a ponytail, studying his face in the mirror. He was pondering whether or not he should add some eyeliner or if that would be too much. He would have to leave in a few minutes if he didn’t want to be late. His heart was fluttering happily in his chest as he thought about the evening.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been on a date, and he felt quite out of practice. He used to be pretty good at them, but as with everything it seemed to become more and more daunting the longer he put it off. The last one he’d been to had been well before Teddy had come into his life.

He’d hooked up with some guys since then, of course. It had usually happened when his friends (with James at the forefront, cheered on by Dora) had dragged him to a club. It had never turned into anything more than a casual hook-up though, and Sirius knew that was mostly his own fault. He hadn’t felt ready for a relationship, everything with Dora and Teddy had just felt too complicated.

This was different though. Remus was different, and Sirius felt comfortable admitting that to himself now. Remus was already a part of his life, of Teddy’s life. He was someone who was already there and would be there, regardless of what Sirius thought about it. That was a thought that both thrilled and terrified him.

It was a gamble, of course, because so much was at stake, but it still felt like it made sense. Asking Remus out had been a spur-of-the-moment thing, he was floating high in post-orgasm, but the light in the other man’s eyes had told him immediately that it had been the right thing to do.

For a while he had thought that the fight between Remus and James would get in the way, but as Sirius had learnt a long time ago it was impossible to stay angry with James Potter for more than five minutes. Remus had tried his best, Sirius had to admit that much, but in the end nothing ever stood in the way once James Potter had set his mind on something. For the past week he had put every little bit of energy into making Remus forgive him, and by the way he had turned up to celebrate a couple of nights ago he had finally succeeded.

Remus had admitted as much, too. He had said he’d forgiven James for not telling him straight away, and that they’d had a good conversation about it. Remus hadn’t told him any details though, and neither had James, clearly set on keeping his promise to Remus not to spill any more of his secrets. It was okay, Sirius thought, because he figured Remus needed someone in his life that he could trust. Someone aside from Sirius, that was, because he had promised himself that he would be one of the people that Remus could depend on from now on.

Sirius had asked Harry to come over and watch Teddy while he was gone, and that had seemed like a winning concept up until just now, when Teddy had suddenly changed his mind. Once he had clocked that Sirius was going to meet up with Remus, he had been nagging Sirius’ ear off about being allowed to tag along. Sirius loved Teddy, and he was happy that the boy clearly wanted to spend time with him and Remus both, but had really been looking forward to having some alone time with Remus.

“Padfoot!” Teddy’s impatient voice yanked Sirius out of his thoughts. “Why can’t I come?”

“Not this time,” said Sirius before deciding he might just as well go all in, and he carefully applied the eyeliner before smoothing it out with a finger. “You can see Remus tomorrow.”

“But I wanna see him now ,” Teddy pouted, and Sirius smiled a little as he turned around to look at the boy.

“I know, but me and Remus are going to have dinner alone tonight.”

“But why ?” Teddy demanded with a frown.

“Because,” Sirius replied, and this time he grinned as Teddy gave an unimpressed huff.

“That’s not a reason,” Teddy complained. “You always tell me that’s not a reason.”

Sirius laughed, “Well, this time me and Remus want to have some time alone, we have…adult things we need to do.”

It was the truth, Sirius thought, because he had a feeling he’d spend most of the evening picturing how Remus would look bent over various surfaces.

“What adult things?” Teddy demanded, but Sirius was saved by the knock on the door.

“That’s Harry,” Sirius said. “Go let him in, I’ll be down in a bit.”

Sirius chuckled to himself as Teddy stomped down the stairs, and when he heard the front door being yanked open he went into his bedroom to check himself in the mirror. He smoothed his shirt out, half-turning to check his arse in his jeans. He looked pretty good; he knew that he cleaned up well but it was nice to see that he hadn’t lost it even if he was out of practice.

He slipped his silver rings onto his fingers before throwing one last look at himself and then venturing downstairs. He found Harry and Teddy in the living room, and he had a horrible feeling that he blushed faintly as Harry let out a wolf whistle at the sight of him.

“You clean up good, Padfoot. Hoping to score?” he smirked, and he looked so much like James just then that Sirius very nearly flipped him off before he remembered that it was, in fact, not James but his seventeen-year-old godson and he was sitting next to an eight-year-old.

Continue on AO3.

#the patchwork of us #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #teddy lupin #muggle au #read on ao3 #hp fanfic #my writing

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sequinsmile-x · 1 year

Text

Time Went On for Everybody Else

Despite how much he would miss the place he learnt how to be part of a family again, he found himself kneeling on the ground where his blood had once marked the carpet, his eyes fixed on the spot where he had almost lost his life.

-x-

This all came from a conversation I had with @hancydrewfan about Aaron continuing to live where Foyet attacked him.

Someday y'all will learn if you say something offhanded to me this will happen...or you all know exactly what you're doing. I know what I'd put my money on 😉

-x-

Words: 2.3k

Warnings: Mentions of blood/previous injury. Pregnancy.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

At first, it hadn’t bothered him.

He hadn’t had time to think about what had happened to him in the place he called home. The pull at his still healing scars on his chest and abdomen enough of a reminder alongside his son’s empty bedroom full of clothes Aaron knew he would grow out of before he saw him next. When he was finally released from the hospital, Emily by his side with his bag slung over her shoulder after she insisted on driving home, the blood stain he knew must have been left behind was gone.

He’d since found out in the years that had passed that Penelope had cleaned it up. She’d come over with bleach and her bright pink rubber gloves and scrubbed the floor until it was as good as new, leaving no physical trace of what Foyet had done to him in the one place he should have been safe.

When Haley died, murdered in the place they had bought together, young and naive and so sure it would be their home forever, he sells the house. He can’t bare the thought of raising his son where he had lost his mother. Aaron couldn’t walk into their old bedroom where he’d found her body without being able to smell her blood in the air or walk past the room where he had killed Foyet. The sound of his facial bones fracturing under his fists echoing throughout the house in the middle of the night, the ghost of it only ever one step behind him.

Aaron knew that he could have moved, that he could have used the money he got from the house sale to buy somewhere new, but his overriding concern was making sure that Jack had some familiarity. His decision to stay, to live in the place he’d been attacked, was solidified when he brought Jack home after Haley’s funeral and he saw his son physically relax as soon as they were in the apartment, his tiny shoulders loosening from stress he never should have been burdened with at his young age.

Jack felt safe there, and that was enough for Aaron to stay.

When he and Emily first started talking about moving in together, something they already did in all but name when the conversation came around, her moving into the apartment he once only shared with his son seemed like the most natural idea. She had no real connection to the apartment she’d moved into on her return from Paris, and she made no secret of the fact she’d never finished unpacking. She told him once, early on in their relationship as they were wrapped up around each other in the bed that was now theirs, that she never fully unpacked. It was a hangover from her childhood when she’d never lived anywhere long enough to have roots. She’d always leave at least one box packed, a way of reminding herself that nothing lasted forever. Something that life had continually reminded her of again and again.

Aaron felt nothing short of pride when she unpacked everything when she moved in with him and Jack. A smile on her face and a thin sheen of sweat on her brow as she collapsed the last of the boxes without saying anything. He’d pulled her in for a hug and a kiss, tasting her smile as he welcomed her home.

Eighteen months down the line they were moving again, into a house she’d bought them but they’d chosen together, her trust fund financing a home that they’d both been looking for longer than either of them would admit. It felt strange for the apartment to be empty, all of their furniture and belongings either already at the new house or about to be on their way in the moving truck. The emptiness of the apartment somehow made it seem bigger and smaller at the same time, leaving him unsure how so many of his memories with Jack and with Emily had taken place in such a relatively small space.

This was the place his son felt safe again after so much uncertainty. It was where Emily had grown close to them and become part of their family. The kitchen was where Emily and Jack had tried to make him breakfast on his birthday, narrowly avoiding having to call the fire department when he happened to get out of bed and find them. The living room was where he’d proposed to the woman he was now lucky enough to call his wife, a simple night in watching a movie turning into more as he realised he couldn’t wait any longer to give her the ring he’d bought even before she’d moved in.

The master bedroom was where she’d told him he was going to be a father again only a couple of weeks ago, their hopes from the last year finally coming to fruition, the timing of the move perfect.

Despite all of that, despite how much he would miss the place he learnt how to be part of a family again, he found himself kneeling on the ground where his blood had once marked the carpet, his eyes fixed on the spot where he had almost lost his life. He’d seen the crime scene photos and could picture the bloom of the stain when he closed his eyes, a grim pattern he knew he’d never quite be free from.

“Honey, the truck is ready to go and…”

Emily fades off as she walks into the apartment, the sentence she’d walked in already saying lost as she finds her husband sitting on the floor in a space that was all too familiar to her. She blows out a steady breath, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she makes a decision on the spot. She turns back to look into the hallway and she smiles at Penelope and Jack who were standing just a few paces away.

“Jack, sweetie, why don’t you go with Aunt Pen and follow the truck, your dad and I will be there soon, ok?”

Jack nods enthusiastically, any usual desire to be wherever she and Aaron were lost to his excitement over the move and his fascination with the large truck that held most of their belongings.

“Ok!” He says, and Emily winks at him, grateful that he is so agreeable and once again, foolishly, hoping that the tiny baby inside of her would one day be the same. Something Aaron told her was absolutely not going to happen because it was half her. Emily looks at Penelope who nods, an understanding smile on her face as she loops her arm around the little boy’s shoulders, not so quietly whispering to him that they’d get a McFlurry on the way.

Emily watches them go and gives herself a moment before she steps back into the apartment that was now empty apart from her husband and she closes the door behind her. She walks over to him and places her hand on his shoulder, smiling as she squeezes it when he looks up at her.

“You ok?” She asks, and he nods before he looks back at the ground, his eyes fixed on the spot her gaze would still drift to on long nights when sleep escaped her and she made her way from their bed to the couch. She sighs and sits next to him, something that seemingly snaps Aaron out of whatever trance he was in for a moment as he reaches out, his hands on her hips as he helps guide her down to the ground.

“Em, you shouldn’t be-”

“Aaron, I am 8 weeks pregnant I can get on and off the floor quite easily,” she says, cutting off his already frequent attempts to help her or try to convince her she shouldn’t be doing something, “As soon as it becomes an issue you’ll be the first to know.”

He smiles and nods, letting her settle next to him without further comment. She wraps her arms around one of his and kisses his shoulder before she rests her head against it, content to sit in silence until he was ready to talk. It was one of the many things they had in common - their need to work through something by themselves before they let someone else in. A side effect of both of their childhoods that they were working on together, each of them becoming the other's safe space.

“Dave asked me once why I never moved after Foyet,” Aaron says, his voice quiet as he continues to stare at the carpet, “I considered it when I was still in the hospital, the thought of coming back here was…a lot.”

“Why didn’t you?” She asks, already knowing the answer but allowing him to talk it through.

“At first the thought of moving also a lot. I’d lost Jack and Haley and Foyet was still out there,” he says, clearing his throat, “Some nights I sat here and waited for him to come back to finish the job.” The mere thought of it makes her freeze, her hold on his arm tightening as her breath catches in her throat. “Then after Haley died and I sold the house…”

He drifts off and she sighs, finishing his sentence for him, “You wanted somewhere Jack would feel at home.”

He nods, turning his head as he finally tears his eyes from the floor so he can kiss her forehead, “Yeah. That felt more important than anything else.”

She tilts her head to look up at him and smiles softly, releasing one of her hands from around his arm to cup his cheek. She pulls him in for a kiss, her thumb pressed into his dimple. When she pulls back she smiles at him, her hand still on his cheek as she looks at the floor herself, swallowing thickly as familiar panic climbs up her throat.

“I’ll always remember just knowing that something was wrong that morning,” she says, chuckling humourlessly as she shakes her head, “I still can’t explain why, Pen likes to say now that it’s because you and I are meant for each other. That some unknown force let me know you were in danger because I love you,” they both laugh at the suggestion, and she looks at him, her eyes shining, “The ridiculous thing is I was completely in love with you at the time I just didn’t know it yet.”

Aaron presses his forehead into hers, “I was in love with you too.”

She already knew that, their long-felt mutual feelings for each other something they had both admitted to in the early days of their relationship, but it still felt good to hear. Good to know that she wasn’t alone in sometimes wondering what would have happened if they’d given in to their feelings long before they had. She liked to think if they’d been together then, if she’d gone home with him that night, that she would have been able to save him.

“When I got here and called you, and heard your cell was inside, and when I realised your door was open. When I saw the blood…” she clears her throat, looking back at the floor again as she blows out a shaky breath, “I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared,” she laughs bitterly, “And I was once undercover as a terrorist’s girlfriend.” He joins in on the laughter, the sound loud and out of place given what they were talking about, but she smiles widely at him, a sure sign that was the response she’d been hoping for, “It’s why I was so insistent on helping you afterwards. Driving you to and from work, paying for your medical bills-”

“You…” he pulls back to look at her, his brow furrowing, “You paid for my medical bills?”

She feels her cheeks flush, embarrassment that she hates flooding her body and making her feel warm, “Yes,” she replies, biting the inside of her cheek, “Who do you think paid for it?”

“I always assumed Dave, I guess,” he says, tilting his head at her, his eyes full of love and wonder “Why didn’t you tell me?”

She shrugs, “I don’t know. It didn’t feel important.”

“Em-”

“It’s just money, Aaron,” she says, a comment that had become a frequent one recently as they finalised everything about the move, “It’s something I have an abundance of, and at the time it was the only way I could love you.”

He stares at her for a moment but he drops it, nodding before he smiles at her, “It isn’t the only way anymore.”

She nods and she rests her head against his shoulder again, “No, it isn’t,” she sighs, her stomach rolling in a way it always seemed to these days, “We should get going though before I throw up on the carpet.”

He places his hand on her still flat stomach, “Baby giving you trouble?”

She hums, “As always.”

He stands up first before he offers her hand, smiling when she rolls her eyes but takes the help anyway, letting him pull her up onto her feet as she grimaces at the way her stomach rolls again. He pulls her into a hug, his arms wrapped tightly around her as he looks at the carpet again, the invisible reminder of the violence he’d survived here flashing in his head.

It wouldn’t be in the new house, a place where they could start afresh. His first home where violence didn’t linger in the background. His father’s anger ever-present in his childhood, Foyet’s ghost in the house he’d shared with Haley and then the one he shared with Emily and Jack. The new house would be free of it. A place where they could raise and add to their family.

A place where they would all be safe.

“You ready to go?” She asks, pulling back and smiling at him, and he knows if he says no, if he says he wants to stay, she will do. But he doesn’t want to.

He doesn’t need to.

“Yeah,” he replies, linking their fingers together as he tugs her towards the front door, “I’m ready.”

-x-

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queengiuliettafirstlady · 9 months

Text

Spectacle of Love

Fandom: Ikemen Sengoku

Pairing: Kennyo x MC

Part of Summer Days Sultry Nights Content Creator Challenge hosted by @violettduchess and @aquagirl1978

Prompt: 11. Fireflies

Tag: Established relationship Party Improvised Dance Surprise spectacle Kisses Fluff

Word Count 2.234

Author’s Note: A party at the castle offer two lovebirds the perfect occasion to spend some time together, dancing in the garden under the moonlight before wandering through the forest to a spectacle worthy to be admired as they basked in each other company, their hearts closer than ever as they enjoyed the view foretasting a blissful night to spend bathing in Love. 🥰

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@kitwicekissmedeadly @lordsisterxotome @aquagirl1978 @violettduchess @atelieredux @klutzyroses @randonauticrap @thewitchofbooks @princess-pray-a @itsjudesfault

You can find me on AO3 as QueenJuliet 😊

Thank you for everyone who will like, reblog, or comment please be gentle with me english is not my first language so please do not leave rude comments I apologise for eventual errors I hope you will like it 😊

It was the evening of the feast, a lavish banquet was held to celebrate … she did not even know what, but somehow anyone gathered in the hall of Kasugayama castle appreciated the idea, music could be heard from a distance as the men inside drank the night away, loud chers and metallic clangor of katana and swords could be heard from time to time, making her chuckle softly certainly Kenshin would have never learnt the art of quietness and a side of her was happy that way, after all it would have been so boring otherwise, and judging by the overly mirthful voice of Shingen he too would have not stopped pestering his friend either, she turned to get a peek at it in time to see Yukimura making a flee from the door away from his boss followed closely by Yoshimoto, her giggles resonated in the still air of the night carried over by the frizzy breeze along the suffused melody of the nocturnal animals.

She was sat on the patio looking over at the moon, letting the chill air of the night refresh her mind, smiling at herself at the sight of someone sitting next to her, his musky and woody scent she would have recognized among thousand invading her nostrils making her heart leap up at the sound of his deep husky voice, ever able to make her sigh dreamily

“I was looking for you.” a shy smile danced on her lips as she tuned to look at him, the warm light of the lanterns reflected in his chocolate eyes crinkled with affection

“Sorry for the bother.”

“Please don't even mention it, however I think you may need some.”

“You are wonderful, you know ?” she took the glass of water he offered her gulping it down, before looking gratefully at him

“Thank you. The meals were delicious but it seems the cook has not paid for the salt he used.” a throaty chuckle slipped past his lips she gazed at him fondly, giggling softly feeling her heart melt by the sheer idea she was able to make him happy as he made her, desiring nothing more than to shower him in the love he deserved of, as he so generously did to her, grateful for that feelings that linked their hearts together against all odds.

The frizzy air of the evening getting colder by the minute, but she did not felt anything of it warmed up by the shawl he so generously leaned over her shoulder, his scent invading her nostrils making her dizzy noticing he had stood up only when he offered her his hands, she promptly took raising to her feet ready to follow him inside, when a playful idea flickered in her mind, she took both his hands in hers, she smiled at the thought she really had him wrapped around her fingers seeing his eagerness to follow her movements as she begin to spin around the garden, feeling him doing his best to follow her lead before switching up the roles, she eagerly gave up to lost in the admiration of his handsome features gawking in awe at the smoldering passion glimmering in his eyes, such shade of dark brown chocolate like piping hot cocoa in winter keeping her warm whenever he set his gaze on her, making her happy wherever they went, showing his love with both words and actions enough to melt her heart at the deep affection he held for her.

They were dancing under the moonlight, bathing them in its light looking at that peculiar show of love along the curious stars peeking from their castles in the sky, immersed in their own world deaf and dumb to the outside as they waltzed around the grass, before coming to a stop, their eyes locked together caught amidst the blaze of a burning passion impossible to tame he melted his lips on hers, her fingers gripping the front of his kimono to stead herself from his passionate kiss she so eagerly reciprocated, moaning at the sensation of his tongue leading her in a slow sweet dance of their own, unaware of the amber gaze of his friend looking at them with a knowing smile on his lips, chuckling softly before slipping inside once more, reluctantly he pulled away only when breathless leaning his forehead to hers, his hot breath fanning over her lips at his heartfelt confession she did not shied away to reciprocate.

“I love you more than anything in the world my angel .”

“I love you too, my tanuki, more than I can say.”

His eyes speaking of promises and secrets as he took her hand in his, leaving a soft kiss on her knuckles

“Come with me.” this words alone had her hooked to follow him everywhere, curious to know more about his surprise but even simply delighted at the thought of spending some time alone with him, she squeezed lightly his hand revelling in the warmth of his fingers entwined with hers

“There is something I want to show you.” he did not needed to add anything else to convince her but he did, desiring to egg her on her own curiosity, his kindness melted her heart she did her best to sync her movements with his, smiling at herself noticing how he had slowed down his own to match hers.

They dived in the forest surrounding the castle for a bit, it was dark all around only the moon showing them the way but she was not afraid, she had full trust in him and she knew that he would protected her anywhere, plus she couldn't help but ignore all her doubts pushed to follow him further into the vegetation by curiosity alone, his presence alone made her feel safe despite their surrounding, she managed only to caught glimpse of through their walk.

They arrived in an empty field, alike the others they had walked through, when suddenly he turned to her, a bright smile curling his lips lightning up his gruff handsome features as he looked down at her, his onyx eyes crinkled with affection he encouraged her to get closer to him an invite she had no intention to refuse, huddled in his arms with his shawl covering her shoulder she felt safe and happy to simply bask in the moment with him, away from the noisy feast.

Foretelling her impatience he wrapped his arm tighter around her hips as they sit side by side on the soft grass, murmuring

“Be patient my love.” a sheepish smile curled on her lips, it was embarrassing and yet the thought he was so in tune and thoughtful of her make her heart swell with love, she shifted closer to him smiling at the tender expression glimmering in his moonless eyes as he caressed the flowers all around him, before picking one that had fallen from the stem bringing it to lips, brushing his lips on it before leaning over her, she was so taken aback by his sudden gestures and mesmerised by the love lighting his features she was pulled away from her awe only by his husky deep voice

“It looks even more beautiful on you.” gently she touched next to her ear, where she had felt his fingers brush on her curls, a smile brighter than thousand sun curled on her lips as she looked up at him managing to murmur

“Thank you, so much.” an heart melting smile curled his lips as he leaned over to brush his lips on her forehead

“Thank you for staying.” a sweet kiss suggelling their love, making her forget all about the reason that brought them there, basking in the happiness of being together.

Reluctantly he pulled away, carefully wrapping his shawl tighter around her shoulder as the breeze grew frizzier by the minute, murmuring softly in her ear

“Look around you.” she promptly obeyed, taking in the wonderful sight before her eyes,

“It is wonderful.” she looked at him, blushing softly at his answer, compliments that never failed to fill her heart with affection for him

“Indeed.” the gentle frizzy breeze treasuring his words as he looked at her, she turned around smiling at him taking his hand in hers, admiring fireflies lighting the path around them, the grain field lightened by the moonlight as they stayed there looking at that spectacle, flowers blooming all around them, their colors brightened by the visit of the fireflies buzzing here and there in search of a lover to share a precious night with, travelling far and wide only for love, it was such a dreamy naive thought and yet she could not help but sigh softly thinking of it, smiling to herself at the warmth of his hand engulfing her entwining their fingers together, heat rising to her cheeks at the intimacy of his touch, she meet his gaze briefly enough to see a light blush veiling on his cheeks.

She smiled as one landed on her hand she promptly raised to show him, admiring the gentleness of his calloused fingers on her skin as the little bug slide on his, mesmerized by the light reflecting in his soft gaze admiring the little firefly travel on his bigger hand before fling away a tender smile curling his lips as he gazed off in the distance almost as to follow it

“I thought you may have liked it.” his voice husky and low, only sound to break the still air of the night,

“You know me so well it is not fair.” she giggled hiding her blush in her sleeves, squeezing softly his hand in hers, her eyes locked with his as he cupped her face in his hand

“Please do not cover yourself from me my angel I want to see all of you.” an heart melting smile curled her lips she raised her hand brushing her fingers on his cheeks revelling in the tender smile curling his usually stern lips, their eyes glimmering with all the love they felt for one another, she did her best to convey standing on her tiptoes to plant a soft kiss on his cheek

“Thank you for the wonderful spectacle my tanuki.” her soft nicknames melting his heart he wrapped his arms around her bringing her closer to his chest, cupping her face with one hand melting his lips on her forehead, revelling in her tingling giggle filling his heart with happiness he did not know to be worthy of.

Gently she kissed his scar before brushing her lips on his nose, affection swelling in his chocolate eyes as he looked at her, leaning closer to brush a feather light kiss on the tip of her nose before sliding down to melt his lips on her in a sweet soft kiss they wanted to last forever, conveying all the deep love hold in their heart only for one another, her fingers gripping his kimono to steady herself from his passion, moaning at the feeling of his tongue waltzing with hers, reluctantly pulling away only when breathless, he leaned his forehead to hers brushing his fingers on her cheeks looking straight into her colorful eyes he would have recognized among thousand, reflecting her unstoppable curiosity

“I love you more than anyone in the whole world.” a smile so bright to put the sun itself to shame danced on her lips, warming his heart with the warmth of thousand suns

“I love you so much, words are not enough to say.” he hugged her closer to his chest leaving a reverent kiss full of devotion on her soft curls basking in her soft giggles, melting at the soft brushing of her lips over his heart, making it burst and swell with all the deep sealed feeling he held only for her, doing his best to keep his composure when he heard her sensual murmur in his ear, a glimpse of passion flickering in her eyes as she looked straight into his deep onyx eyes, smiling at the soft caress of her fingers on his cheek trailing softly on his lips

“Please my tanuki do not hold anything back with me. I want you as you are.”

her words brushing away the little self control he had, reassuring him the desire of deepening their intimacy was mutual, far from his mind was left her dissatisfied and so not wasting a second he took her in his arms, revelling in the amazed expression glimmer in her eyes as she giggled happily al the way back home, bashfully hiding her face in his neck as they entered in the castle, not meeting anyone, not even servants, things that lead them to believe Shingen had them retire early to give them enough privacy, request he was exempted from following as he looked at them from the patio in front of his room smiling at the curious sight of her laughing all the way held in his arms while a bright smile curled his usually stern lips and gruff features, his heart bursting with happiness for them both as resumed his moon watching with a malicious smirk dancing on his lips as he saw them slip inside their room, ready for the continuation of a magical night in which they would have not shied away from showing off their love to one another with all themselves until dawn.

#summer days sultry nights ccc #ikemen sengoku #my writing #ikemen sengoku kennyo #ikesen kennyo #ikesen

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orchidrene · 2 years

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How does/did your unrequited love (ex crush, ex partner, etc.) feel or felt towards you?

꒰🌸 welcome to orchidrene's cottage”♡ᵎ꒱ˀˀ ↷ ⋯

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Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

✁・・・

Pile 1

How do they feel right now?

Right off the bat, they see you to be authoritative, powerful and a great leader right now. They think that you're the kind of person who provides others with wisdom and guidance but makes or atleast tries to make really firm and decisive decisions. You seem to be a person of great personal strength to them. Right now you seem to have a lot of mental clarity and strength of will. They also see you to be a bit blunt and honest, you might say things as they are without fear or bias. They definitely see you as a strong and complex personality. Both of you might come from similar places and backgrounds, if not, they see you to be an equal and think that you're someone familiar and like home to them. I'm getting you both still being in contact, you might talk casually and act like nothing happened in the past. They might help you a lot with work/assignments/projects or vice versa. They also seem to provide you with a lot of guidance and advice. They view you through a very nostalgic sense, it's like they're comparing the current you with your past you. They're really proud of you. You might be acquaintances who are friends but no one really knows that you are friends and you aren't close but at the same time you're really close 💀 (I'm not sure how to explain it, it might just be very private, both of your emotions seem to be very private right now or even a friendship.) People think you talk only regarding work even though your aura stands out different when you're together, I'm sensing a lot of sexual/romantic tension here, it's like everyone and everything low-key blurs and fades when you both are around each other. People do intuitively feel something but since you both seem to be so casual about it, they just choose to dismiss it. Their heart beats faster around you while your heart feels like it stops. I feel like you both never moved past the talking stage but you might not even be sure if they ever liked you, they feel like fast movement could make success but for whatever reason, they're choosing not to come forward. They might even be dating someone else. They're taking what they learnt from your situationship and trying to build a stable relationship with that but whenever they have any moments with you, they wonder if they should just let go of their partner and move towards you instead. They feel like you're not interested anymore and might reject them though. They might've texted you a lot in the past after the situationship was over but you didn't seem to view them romantically (according to what they picked up.) I feel like right now all they want to be is nice and warm to you. A slow burn energy, not gonna lie.

How did they feel back then?

I feel like you had a lot of illusions about the connection as well as yourself back then, I don't think it's anything negative though, it's just that you chose to believe that they didn't really like you even though it was obvious that they did. I feel like you might share 8th house synastry, this person felt like you looked at their dirty laundry and accepted it like it was nothing. I'm getting you not really making any moves after the first time (maybe you confessed.) You might have talked to them through text saying the sweetest things just to ignore them in real life even though I feel like it wasn't exactly ignoring, you just got nervous around them. I feel like you didn't have the best family life or deal with imposter syndrome which leads to you feeling left out so obsessing over someone is like your escape. I feel like they were in a much better place, they might have been popular, they were very strong personally. They might've actually argued with you a lot though you didn't really argue back 💀. Back then, both of you were very diligent to each other, I'm hearing you say "I'm sorry, I can't date you because I like someone else even though I don't know if they like me back" and them saying "I'm sorry, I can't date you." They don't seem to tell the reason as to why they can't date though. They seem to have gotten really gassed up and motivated because of you, they're a winner but they became much more of a winner because of you. You watching and rooting for them had them was like fuel on fire to their motivation and sense of inspiration. I'm getting them looking for you in a crowd and actually being able to notice you right away. You both kind of looked for each other but didn't go to meet or talk to the other. At that time you had a lot of love to give away. You liking them made them really confident for whatever reason. I'm getting you acting really confident at wrong times 💀. This person probably left you dumbfounded with their witty words :'). They did like you back though, it's obvious. You could pick up on their feelings which they think you did but they aren't entirely sure but they hope you know that you mean so much to them.

Pile 2

How do they feel right now?

I feel like you provide others' with a lot of love, emotions and communication. You express yourself really clearly and freely (or atleast you try to.) They think that you have really good friends and they consider you to be a really good friend too. They think you're a very loving and loveable person. Right now, however, they think you're heartbroken over someone or something but aren't aware of it yourself, it's like they can feel how hurt you are but you can't feel it 💀. They think you're not very open to receiving love (even though you're giving it away) and are in denial of your true feelings. They might act like a mentor to you these days, I feel like you both are trying to make firm decisions that you won't regret, regarding something other than the connection. I feel like you're the type who overthinks so much, you paralyze and tend to avoid making decisions or taking action. You're seem to be really confused about this connection too. Your person is in love with themself and knows how to take care of themselves, they're fulfilled with how and who they are regardless of how they come off. They seem to be looking for a relationship, I'm not sure if it's with you though (not actively.) You might have been attracted to Pile 1 (that might be more of a future energy for you). You both seem to have really strong willpower, I feel like it's something one of you taught the other. They think you're learning how to remain focused. They might think you have a model like aura and a classy way of carrying yourself. They feel like they acted like a douche back then.

How did they feel back then?

Back then, you might have been trying to get closer to them based on unstable and unsure assumptions. You were very diligent towards your person back then too which they definitely did notice. I'm getting you giving them love in a manner that wasn't obvious but was still very noticeable. They felt like you were very supportive and loyal to them even behind their back. You let them act like a teacher to you but didn't become a pushover yourself. You might have experienced a tower moment with them. There might have been a temporary period of chaos. You might have felt like they didn't care about you and there was a misunderstanding, you started distancing yourself? I think this was harder on your person than it was on you, you might have even cried because of them. Your person might have asthma or something like that too. I feel like both of you had a way of shoving issues under a rug but you don't seem to hold grudges against this person and vice versa. Both of you just really care about each other. They might've taken some time before they apologized but you forgave them right away. They did a good job in hiding away their feelings for you though, back then even when you were sick or hurt, they weren't able to look after you.

Pile 3

How do they feel right now?

You might come off disconnected from yourself right now, they feel like you're so focused on pleasing other people which has caused you to forget yourself. Maybe they feel like you're spending too much time alone and it's getting detrimental to your mental health. I feel like you're just trying to find and create a sense of calmness in your life and surroundings. They think that you're a trustworthy and supportive person regardless of how disconnected you are with yourself right now though. I feel like you both are trying to put your best foot forward, you don't want the other to see your darker sides anymore. I feel like you're able to adapt and change regardless of the chaotic environment. I'm getting a very graceful way of handling conflicts from you. Your person has a lot of illusions regarding other people and things, they always choose the worst possible option so it totally makes sense as to how they didn't choose you 💀. They might be the type to choose a good time over a good thing. They're very cautious when it comes to you though, in case you'll beat their heart. Maybe they told you something like "can I get come time?" And took a lot of time and space but you were always very patient until they started dating someone else. I feel like one or both of you have Earth moons with water suns which leads to you trying to conceal your emotions. They literally see you as Elsa from Frozen, like how she tried to keep her powers hidden to not hurt others and so that she wasn't left out [she just wanted to be treated like a normal human :(], it makes sense though "conceal, don't feel, don't let them know and now they know, let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore, let it go, let it go, turn away and slam the door, I don't care, what they're going to say, let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway." You might share mutual 12th house synastry, you turned cold after they entered your life. I feel like even though you come off like you don't really care, you always tend to search for their support, not only because you love them but because they completely changed you as a person, you're longing for your past self that died because of them and you might have felt like they were the only person that cared about your past self, took care of then, understood them, saw them off and grieved over your past self's death. You changed so much because of them, there might have been a time when you didn't like stepping out of your house :( like at all. I feel like they're always watching you, they might even dream about you and vice versa, it's like you start forgetting them but they show up in your dream and ruin everything (if yes, they deal with it too.) They might have a partner right now, I feel like they're sticking with their partner mostly only because they might suffer when alone, I'm getting them texting you when they're hurt and being afraid that they'll hurt you if you ever date/date again so they're dating someone else :(. I feel like this is more of an ex pile than an ex crush pile. Feelings are intense, you both might feel like you know everything about each other but at the same time have a hard time trusting each other. You're both like "the one that got away" to each other. There's a lot of love though but a lot of illusions too. You probably aren't in contact in the 3D right now. They want to thank you for being with and for them, for making them believe in themselves and trust themselves more, they're also sorry about everything hurtful said or done.

How did they feel back then?

They thought you were independent especially at the beginning of the talking stage, you seemed to be really busy and not care too much about them. I feel like they acted like a puppy and were always waiting around for you. They really liked the way you looked out for them and provided them with support and advice. There was definitely some 12H synastry. It's either that you were so confused about your own emotions, if they're trustworthy, etc. You were just having a really hard time with everything, you were overwhelmed. You might have had other people's opinions confuse you too or you got into the relationship but you still were very scared of them leaving but you didn't even know if you liked them back or if you could trust them, very confusing energy. You definitely gained a lot of wisdom through this experience, you might feel like you've turned colder and warmer at the same time, you're longing for your brighter self again. You might feel like you weren't even living before you met this person because you didn't realize how deep your emotions ran but they were the one who changed you into a really melancholic personality. You might have very well, taken this person for granted causing them to leave you. They were definitely very patient and loving towards you though, it makes sense as to why you miss them so much. I'm getting a very heartbreaking and sudden ending for you. They care about you a lot though, you both have an unconditional sense of love for each other, they could have hurt you but you'll always love them and they will always care about you and hold you somewhere deep and close inside their heart. They know that you love them a lot too :). They just don't want to make things any more bitter than they already are.

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