#if I disappear for a few days its because im trying to figure my shit out lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heyidkyay · 11 months

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I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Seventeen

A/n: IT'S BEEN A WHILE! Hi, I'm very sorry for the wait! But even so, I hope this next part will have been worth it, there's a lot going on here and it jumps around a bit but it is longer! Enjoy? x

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Lots happening!! Mentions of food, body issues, bouts of sadness and struggles with both physical and mental health (dw, there's still a healthy amount of fluff, im not that evil)

Masterlist

“Excited, darling?”

Matty’s enlivened voice startled me from the messy thoughts which swarmed my mind, I glanced up and out of my daze to find him walking over. I hummed back in soft confusion.

“I mean, you’re finally getting out of this shit-hole and your face only continues to look like that of a slapped arse,” Matty snorted as he dropped down onto the bed beside me, though he did nudge my shoulder to soften the blow.

Still, my eyes narrowed as I wrinkled my nose up at him in retort.

“This do you any better?” I goaded, getting into his space.

I watched his mouth pull up into a lopsided grin, it stayed there even as he rolled his eyes at me and proceeded to shove my face away from his.

“Tons." Matty blew out, "But come on, darling, what’s been going on, eh? Figured you’d be bouncing off the walls by now, been planning an escape ever since you first opened your eyes.”

I quirked a brow at him. “Erm I’d quite like to remind you, Healy, that I am currently incapable of bouncing from foot to foot at this very moment in time, let alone any walls. Also, I’m pretty sure that Dr Mann would rescind my release papers if I even made an attempt.”

With a shrug, I shot him a braggart smile.

“Yeah, alright Einstein.” Matty drawled with another roll of his eyes. “That still doesn’t answer my question though, does it?”

His gaze drifted downwards then to where I held my phone tightly in my good hand. Its shattered screen tended to draw the eye- but I figured I’d get it fixed soon enough, when I had a bit of money to spare instead of taking up the guys’ offer of just getting me a new one altogether. They were utter idiots if they thought for one second that I’d ever agree to an offer like that. Though, it had been rather sweet.

But in truth, I only had my phone on me because I’d been waiting on a text. Or a call. Or any sort of notification that would let me know that George hadn’t just gone and disappeared off of the face of the Earth- again.

Though it seemed to be an ongoing thing with him, something of a hobby now that I’d actually thought about it...

See, after the events that had transpired during his last visit, it was safe to say that I hadn’t heard from him again since he’d left. Which, in itself, had been quite the dramatic exit.

What with Hann having gone off at him whilst the rest of us had been too fucking shell-shocked to try and sort things out between ourselves. George had taken his opportunity and ran with it, darted the second fate had given him the chance. Which had actually been in the arrival of the day-nurse with my breakfast, who’d been awfully surprised by the audience of people, as well as the very tense atmosphere we’d created.

The lads, well mainly just Ross, had reassured me a few times since then that they’d let George know about my discharge from the hospital, but there hadn’t been any sort of response from him. Not anything of worth at least, unless you considered him blocking me on every social media platform.

Yeah, that’d hurt.

“Love.” Matty called out again with a huffed laugh, gently knocking me sideways.

I blinked out of my stupor and over towards him, “Sorry, what?”

With an exaggerated groan, Matty rolled his eyes at me and fell back onto the bed in a strop. “You know… when they listed off what the fuck was wrong with you, I don’t remember them ever bringing up amnesia.”

“Oh, piss off.” I scowled and tried to swat at him, but I couldn’t hide my slight smile, especially when I carefully lowered myself down to join him, the two of us just sprawled there, sidewards on the sheets. I kicked at his ankle childishly and his legs locked around mine in retaliation.

“Almost wish I’d been given amnesia if it meant I’d be free of you.” I mumbled, hoping he’d take the bait.

And he did. Matty gasped brightly and I could only laugh at the indignant expression that overwhelmed his face.

“You prick, take that back!” He practically shouted, slapping the back of his hand against my hip.

“Sorry, no can do, Healy. Lying’s a sin and all that gobshite.”

I received a derisive snort in return but when I glanced over at him, Matty was wearing a fond sort of grin. “Our little atheist, glad to have you back.”

I shook my head in mock exasperation, fighting off a wider smile, and then proceeded to shove at him when he tried to rope me into an awkward sort of hug due to our position. “Oh sod off, would you!”

“Nah, at least not until you say you love me!” He quipped back, burying his chin in my hair.

“Matty!” I groaned, but ultimately resigned myself to the fact we’d probably be stuck here a while. “You’re actually such a stubborn prat.”

My head reeled back as best as it could into the mattress when Matty’s face suddenly popped into view above me. “Pot, meet kettle.”

Helplessly, I groaned again.

“Knob.”

—

Knock. Knock.

I looked up from where I’d lazily been packing at the soft sound and smiled when I saw Lee stood in the doorway waiting for me. “Hey.” I greeted him with a soft grin and he returned the sentiment just as easily.

“You got everything?” Lee asked me whilst he made his way over, eyeing what little items remained on the bed.

“This is the last of it.” I told him, tucking away a folded t-shirt. “Why, you gonna miss me or something?” I questioned with a sly smile, feeling very smug when he laughed and gave me a feeble nod.

“‘Course I will. Besides, you know you’re my favourite patient, what am I going to do without you and all your chaotic fuss?” He quipped and I had to chuckle, feigning a halfhearted glare even as I pointed towards him.

“You say that now, but you’ll be glad for the peace.”

Lee shook his head, wearing a smile that was only ever made for sorrowful goodbyes, and I had to tut at him before I started getting all misty eyed too. I stepped forwards and threw my one good arm round his neck to tug him in.

“‘M gonna miss you.” I mumbled into his shoulder, silently cursing the tears that had started to prickle behind my eyes. He only hugged me tighter at the admission before we finally parted ways, and I watched as he tried to brave a real smile for me.

“I’m gonna miss you, too. Reckon everyone here will,” Lee sniffed, “You and your boys have made this ward into a VIP lounge of sorts.”

We both snorted at that, knowing it to be all too true. Everyone had been aiming to get a bed in our unit, what with the band coming and going, Matty and all his theatrics. Just thinking about it, it was a massive surprise to suddenly realise that there had been a real lack of paps.

Or maybe, I’d just been shielded from it… I made a mental note to ask one of the lads later on.

“I’ll come visit.” I assured Lee before my face fell into an anxious sort of frown, thinking it over. “Wait, that’s alright, ain’t it? Me stopping by?”

With a simple mirth filled laugh, Lee pulled me into another long hug, “I’m counting on it.”

I hid my smile in the collar of his scrubs.

—

“Oi.” Ross said to me, nudging my knee with his free hand from where he sat in the driver’s seat, it broke me from where I’d previously been watching the world outside pass by. “Was talkin’ to you.” He added.

My brows lifted and I blinked as I turned away from the window.

“Sorry, just strange being outside again. Feels weird.” I told him honestly, fingers tapping away on the door handle.

The giant snorted in turn and moved to shift gears. “Like when you get back off holiday weird? Or you’ve been frozen and just woken up, sort of weird?”

“Second. Futurama type shit.” I nodded decisively, eyes skittering over everything we drove by so that I could take it all in. The gossamer sky and its many clouds. The dozens of contradicting faces. Those with their frowns and them with their laughter. Even the postbox got its fair share of gawking. But then I had to shake my head and peer back over at him, “What were you saying anyway? Before.”

Ross blew a soft exhale out of his nose and I watched one side of his mouth quirk upwards slightly. “I asked if you were gonna be alright, camping out at Matty’s place and whatnot. Figured you might’ve finally had enough of the daft idiot.”

I laughed softly and shook my head at him in turn. “Nah, we’ll be alright. Besides, Doctor's said I needed to have someone close by whilst I’m still recovering, didn’t they? And Matty, he offered.” I shrugged, playing with a loose thread on my jeans. “Well, I say offered, he just sort of decided- but I was just grateful for it all the same. I mean, who else would’ve put me up for so long? Not like I could just head on up to my mum’s if I wanted, or have my boyfriend wait on me hand and foot.”

I snorted at the very thought, but it died the second I saw the hardened eyes Ross wore- even with them casted out towards the road. I knuckled his shoulder in hopes to ease his sudden solemn mood.

“Awh, what’s wrong, MacDonald? Sad you didn't get the chance to house me for a couple weeks, ey?”

Ross cracked a smile at that just as the car made a right, he glanced over at me. “Yeah actually. Could’ve had a right laugh me and you together. Plus, nursing you back to health would’ve given me the chance to get out of a couple of these upcoming meetings we’ve got going on.”

My mouth dropped open at the revelation and I flicked his upper arm in retaliation. “Oi, I’m not some helpless pawn you can use!”

With an amused roll of his eyes, Ross flashed me a toothy grin. “I know that- still, would’ve been a win, win though.”

I simply shook my head at his wind up attempt and left the topic to rest.

Trying not to move too much in my seat, despite my discomfort, I let my head loll back against the headrest. “What time did Matty say he’d be back anyway?”

Said prat had gone and dipped out of the ward a little over an hour before I’d been set for release, claiming he had ‘shit to sort out’.

Ross had originally offered to bum us both a lift but in the end Matty had decided on getting himself an Uber after having given the bassist strict instructions on where to collect the rest of my medication and how to get me home. ‘Safe and sound?’ Ross had assumed, but no. Matty had given him quite the detailed description- having already accounted for the journey and its flow of traffic when we'd first received the news- but he’d also had another rant prepared for what would occur if those points were not met.

It’d been a laugh. For me, at least. Ross not so much.

“Uh,” I watched as Ross’s eyes flickered to the dashboard of his swanky motor before he answered me, “Probably be back about the time we are, could already be there.”

His phone dinged then and we both shared a look when a couple more rapidly followed.

“Guess you’re a psychic, MacDonald.” I told him, then chuckled to myself when Ross winced and moved to turn the radio up, mainly in hopes to drown out the many messages from Matty on his pinging phone.

By the time we pulled up to Matty’s, both Ross and I were rather thankful for the fact that the frontman had seemingly made it back before us, seeing as he’d gone and left the front gate wide open so that the car could graze up the driveway.

I peered as best as I could through the windscreen at the house as I unclipped my seatbelt and Ross turned off the engine. It looked far too still, which always through me off whenever I came over, but even more so than usual. The hospital had been severely overcrowded though, and so it was incredibly bizarre to be welcomed by something so polar-opposite.

“You good?”

Absentmindedly, I nodded at Ross's question and the man took it for what it was, hopping out so that he could grab my things for me. The car was eerily quiet for a brief moment before the boot opened and the sound of rustling and the birds that had nested in the nearby oak tree flooded in. I tried not to focus too hard on the faint buzz that’d started up, deafening my left ear, and instead moved to follow.

“He reckons he left the front door unlocked for us, so just head on in, yeah? I’ll grab this lot.” Ross told me, catching my attention once I’d finally managed to slam the car door shut behind me.

“You sure?” I questioned him, eyes squinted as they got used to the full force of the sun. Even with its sly chill this time of year, London always came with a harsh glare.

“‘Course, go on. I’ll just be a sec.”

I nodded to myself and paced the rest of the way up to the stoop. Luckily, Ross’d been right and the handle gave way with just a gentle push, allowing me to step inside.

“Matty?” I called out, peering my head around the hallway’s first corner to see if he was in the living-room or kitchen. “Matt?” I said again, this time a little louder.

“Yeah! 'M up here!” I heard him shout back, voice muffled and a way away. I frowned but found myself already making a beeline for the stairs.

“What the fuck are you even doing up there?” I asked out loud as I slowly edged my way to the top. “You better not be on the shitter, Matthew! I’ve been there, done that, and would very much not like to relive it.”

I grimaced at the vivid reminder my mind then gifted me. It was safe to say that it hadn’t been the most gracious of days for either one of us.

See, the tour bus flu was indeed very much real and also a huge fucking menace. Six hours stuck in a moving metal bin fitted with one singular toilet in a bathroom no bigger than a coffin was actual hell when you were yoshing and another person had the shits.

Matty and I hadn’t been able to look one another in the eye for a good while after that. Only forgetting about it when Hann had gone and gotten himself shitfaced after a show and nearly sliced himself in half climbing up the bus’s steps. It had taken us a bit to finally find the humour in it though, still it was not something I’d like to experience again.

“Oh, shove off, you’re dying to catch another glimpse of this arse!” Matty replied and I had to roll my eyes whilst I took a second to catch my breath on the landing. Though it wasn’t too long before I was wandering down towards where I’d heard him shout.

“If I wanted so see something flat and pasty then I’d-”

The words I’d been about to speak were ripped from my lips the second I bypassed one of the many doors Matty’s house had to offer, completely taken aback.

I could hardly blink, let alone fathom it, as I tried to take the entire room in whilst Matty jumped up from where he’d been putting something together down on the floor so that he could flaunt his way over to me.

“Like it?” He questioned me with a sly grin, but I couldn’t find the right response to give him, especially with my jaw hanging by my feet.

It was an absolute contrast to everything the room usually offered. Gone were the beige covered concrete walls that decorated the rest of the house, replaced by a calming white that had been paired with a beautifully muted sage feature wall. The bedsheets had been revived by a lovely floral pattern but softened by a plethora of blankets and pretty pillows.

The expected wooden dresser and side tables had also disappeared and in their place now stood antiques coloured the same as the green wall, with brass handles and etchings. Then by the window there was a large collage of pictures, practically an album plastered there in a spiral which stretched from the window to the far corner. I couldn’t quite get myself to move towards it because I'd been stunned to actual tears.

When I finally looked back to Matty, he wore an anxious sort of smile, one of which was almost a smirk but tinged with a little insecurity.

“Matty, I-” I blew out a breath and glanced around again. “You did this? All this?”

He scratched the back of his neck, gaze skitting about the room with mine. “Yes, no? Dunno, not sure if those tears are a good sign or not, so if they’re bad, it was all Ross, yeah?”

With a soft snort, I gifted him a far too fond smile. “First of all, I’m not crying. And second, why would any of this upset me?”

“Oh yeah, ‘course, how stupid of me. Too cool to show emotion us, eh?” Matty feigned as he dipped his head a couple times and pursed his lips, playing along. “You actually like it then? ‘Cause I sort of came up with it on the spot the other day- picked it all out myself as well. Had Ross and Hann put the dresser and shit together though, then paid some guy to paint for me, 'cause fuck that.”

He shrugged it all off, acting as though the gesture was nothing. But I could tell he was proud, that of his work or my reaction I didn’t know, but it was probably both though knowing him. I had to grin.

“Thank you.” I whispered with conviction before finally enveloping him in an overdue hug.

“Ah, take it you liked the surprise then?” I heard Ross say as he waltzed in behind us, dropping my stuff just outside the door.

I pulled away from Matty to watch him walk further inside.

“Even set up the steps! Knew you could do it, mate.” He continued, clapping his curly haired mate on the shoulder as he gestured over towards the right side of the bed.

My forehead pinched as I rounded the two to get a better look at what he meant. “What steps?”

Matty was back to looking a little sheepish again and he trailed on over to where a small set of wooden steps resided. He toed at the structure lightly, “Figured you still had a hard time with he hospital beds and this one, well it’s a lot higher. Reckon these will make it a lot easier, innit?”

Wow.

I couldn’t even get past my fish-mouthing before Ross was intervening again. “Go on then, have you tested them out yet?”

Matty’s eyes widened slightly before he laughed and shook his head. “No, man. Finished just up as she walked in.”

So that’s what he’d been doing.

“Well then, best make sure they’re stable enough for her majesty.” Ross cajoled, wearing the slightest hint of a smirk whilst he prodded at Matty’s shoulder. “Can’t be having any more injuries, can we?”

I rolled my eyes, but not even Ross being his usual twattish self could dim my mood.

Matty’s wary gaze darted over to me and I had to hold back a laugh, “Come on, do as the man says.”

I was met with a petulant scowl before Matty finally relented and shimmied his way over towards the steps in a huff. “Why am I always the one getting fucked?” He mumbled under his breath and I had to hide my smile in the cuff of Ross’s shirt when he moved to throw an arm over my shoulders.

“Ah, come on, Healy. Be a good sport, won't you.”

“Yeah, I mean I’d do it but imagine what Dr Mann would say if I’m already in A&E before the days out?”

Matty glared at the pair of us but didn’t comment, instead he put a courageous but cautious foot on the first step. Ross and I stood there with baited breath, waiting in anticipation whilst Matty drew in a shaky lungful of air before finally allowing the step to take the brunt of his weight.

His eyes had been glued shut but when nothing happened he slowly pried one open, the other soon followed when a prideful grin threatened to overwhelm his face. Ross and I cheered loudly in congratulations (and sheer shock), before Matty, in turn, did a silly little bow for us shortly followed by an odd dance.

“Alright, Louie Spence. Calm down before you really do hurt yourself.” I chuckled and took his outstretched hand in mine when he motioned for a bit of help back down.

“And you said I’d fuck it all up.” Matty beamed like the cat who got the cream back at Ross. “Pay up, dickhead.”

I glanced between the pair in rising amusement and observed the way Ross scoffed before he ultimately dug his hand into his back pocket.

“How much did you bet?” I couldn’t help but ask them.

“50 quid said I’d get the ump and give up. 100 if I paid someone else to do it for me. 200 if it broke.” Matty relayed, happily counting the extra notes he’d been handed.

I laughed at Ross’s prominent scowl before the giant tackled his bandmate onto my freshly made bed.

“No, not the clean sheets!" I gasped, shooing the two. "Get your dirty shoes off my pillows, MacDonald! Oh for fucks sake.”

I should’ve known better than to try and stop them, because even with a broken body they still somehow managed to rope me into their antics.

“Guys!!”

—

Recovery felt much different outside of the ward I'd decided.

There was no proper routine here at Matty’s. And although I was forever grateful to him, for everything he’d done in the build up to my release and for letting me shack up with him for a few weeks, it was also very hard.

I was still in pain. More so, sometimes. There was no Lee here to rely on, and I couldn’t find it in me to burden Matty any further than I already had. Everything felt like a task to me. From sitting up to showering. Or even going to the loo and drinking a glass of water.

I mean don’t get me wrong, the first couple days had been heaven sent. The peace and the quiet. But then the peace had quickly grown tense and the quiet too loud. And I was left stuck here in my own head for hours at a time.

Being out of hospital meant life getting back to normal. It meant days passing without much fuss, friends stopping in but never for too long, meetings and calls and messages- all of which only ever concerned Matty, seeing as Delia had threatened to sack me if I even thought about doing any work whilst I was supposed to be resting. Which meant no emails, or designing.

But the band meetings Ross had previously mentioned a couple days prior appeared to drag on for hours, and Matty would be holed up in his office or the studio for most of the day. Not that I had much room to complain, he had a lively hood and actual shit to do. I couldn't keep interfering with that.

It was just hard. Hard being alone. Hard feeling so isolated.

Hann was busy with Carly and work, and when he had the time to spare it was mostly spent with us just talking about the new album or how I’d been getting on. Which was nice enough, but I hated lying to him, to everyone really.

Ross had been back and forth, he’d annoy me for a couple hours whilst Matty was busy and then he’d disappear for a couple days and I’d hear nothing. Maybe a vague text here or a tag on Twitter there, but that was it.

And me, I was slowly abandoning what little sense of reality I still held onto.

Things with George hadn’t gotten any easier.

In fact, I started to ignore everything and anything to do with him.

The guys they never mentioned him, not even in passing. But I knew when he’d been around. I could always tell. Ross wouldn’t look me in the eye. Matty told too many jokes. And Hann would give me this pitying expression that made me want to hit him.

I avoided all mentions of him and the band on social media as best I could and had started listening to podcasts through headphones whenever Matty’s music echoed through the house.

It was difficult. Everything felt difficult at the moment. Life did.

And so, almost subconsciously, I’d taken to hiding myself away for longer periods of time. The room Matty had made for me was a safe haven, it made me feel more at home than I would’ve in my own bed. But it was also isolating, being at Matty’s cut me off from the outside world. He had no real neighbours, no local parks or trails to wander, and the only scheduled visitor he had was the cleaner who came in every Wednesday.

My body and I were also on the outs. A little like George and I, I supposed.

It was an evident struggle having to relearn parts of myself. To acknowledge these new scars I had and the thing that came with them. It was still a shock to me each morning to wake up and be reminded of the damage to my ear. To my head. The throbbing migraines that followed, as well as the ringing and the utter silence too.

Most days, I just wanted to scream. Others I wanted to disappear altogether.

—

“Looks to be healing rather nicely. Though I’d be a bit wary about the wound on the back of your head, it seems to be taking a little longer than the rest.” The doctor told me and I simply nodded in return, wanting this whole charade to be over and actively avoiding the tiny mirror adhered to the wall opposite from where I was sat on the bed.

It was just another checkup, I told myself in hopes to calm the nerves. I’d had two in the time I’d been out, and this was just the third.

“What- it isn’t infected is it?”

That was Matty, he’d joined me as per usual.

In my peripheral, I saw the doctor shake her head in response to his question. “No, but I would suggest keeping an eye out for any abnormalities that might arise. Oozing liquids, light throbbing, heat and what not.”

Matty hummed and then proceeded to ask another rapid fire of questions whilst I just stood up and dipped back behind the curtain to change out of the gown they’d given me.

“How long until the cast can come off?” I overheard him say.

“Three weeks, hopefully. Though we’d probably recommend a splint after that. At least until she’s in physio.”

I kept on breathing. In and out. Out then in. Ignoring the muted whispers that followed.

I tugged on the large hoodie Ross had leant me, one that actually covered my cast, then stepped back out. “Are we all done?” I questioned and the woman turned to me with a polite smile, clipboard in hand.

“All good to go. Your prescription should be ready at the front desk, you only need to head to the pharmacy.”

I nodded and quietly thanked her, slipping out of the office and then the unit altogether as quick as my feet would let me. Unaware of the troubled gaze which followed behind me.

—ROSS’S POV—

With a quiet huff and a flick of his wrist, Ross waved off George’s silent question as he tried to pay attention to what Matty had been saying on the other side of the phone.

The two of them had been holed up in the studio since the early hours of the morning- mostly because he’d been shafted with ‘G Duty’ (a glorified name for babysitting the walking self-destruct button they all called a mate basically)- because the knob hadn’t been sleeping as of late and so he'd decided to come in and work through some things. Not that it’d helped much. They'd gotten fuck all done.

“Say that again, mate. Didn’t quiet catch it.” He murmured into the phone, listening intently even whilst George decided to take a seat near him instead of heading back behind the deck.

“Just- I don’t know what to do, man! She’s been- I don’t know! It’s like she’s turned into a zombie or summat! Lifeless. Dead, almost.” Matty hissed through the speaker, and Ross could practically visualise his turmoil, the way he’d be scrubbing at his face or anxiously tapping his foot.

He sighed heavily to himself. It seemed they’d known one another for far too long.

“She won’t eat, and if she does then it’s only ever in her room. She comes down in the middle of the night and I hear her puttering about down here, she’ll make a tea or something then she’s gone before I can even see her, and I won’t hear a peep til the next evening- that's if I’m lucky.” Matty went on to say, describing to him what the last week or so had been like for the pair of them.

“I’ve tried everything, mate. She doesn’t want to come on a walk, or go to the shops. Even step into the garden, for fucks sake!” He was whispering harshly now and Ross could easily pick up on the stress which lined his tone. “Gimme a sec.” Matty told him after a tense pause had passed and so Ross listened to him faintly pad about his house before a door soon opened.

“You alright?” Ross asked him with a furrowed brow, only glancing up when George shifted slightly beside him. He ignored it for the time being.

“Yeah, yeah.” Matty assured him, albeit a little breathlessly. “Just had to step outside for a fag. Didn’t want her to hear me either.”

“She there?”

Ross could almost hear him shake his head. George shifted again too and so he shot him a dark look in hopes he'd fuck off.

“Nah, in her room." Matty replied, "But I don’t know. Rather not chance it, you know?”

Ross hummed in reply, then inhaled slowly. “How did the check up go yesterday?”

“Fine, I ‘spose. Doctor said her cast could come off soon, so that was a plus. But they're still a little iffy about everything else though, her ear especially…”

“Still can’t hear a thing?” Ross asked, picking at a long thread in the studio’s sofa.

“Nope. Ringing sometimes, she's said. But otherwise nothing. Sometimes I’ll be talking to her about random shit and I’ll see her turn her whole body just so her good ear’s facing me. I dunno if she even notices it.”

“I know, I’ve seen it too.” Ross mentioned gruffly, his chest growing uncomfortable at the thought of it. At the thought of having to see her go through even more heartache. “Did she say anything?”

“Barely spoke a word to me on the way home, mate. Picked up her favourite too.”

“Five Guys.” They both said simultaneously, and Ross’s mouth quirked upwards when he heard Matty’s airy chuckle titter out.

“Yeah, got her usual. But she mentioned having a shower when we first got in and so I left it for her to heat up and went to sort out some crap, but I came down later it was still on the side. And that was hours after we’d got back, man.”

Ross chewed on a loose thumbnail, lost in his own head.

“I just, I don’t know, what if she’s like depressed or something? I mean, I get it. More than fucking most. But her? Seeing her like that... Ross man, it’s killing me.”

“I know, mate. I know. You just gotta hold out, yeah? She’ll bounce back. She always does.” He attempted to reassure, but he was fucking fretting over it all too. How much could a single person suffer through before they just caved in?

“Ross.” Matty paused after he'd said it though and so Ross waited. He listened to his mate work through his tangent of worries, heard his shaky breaths, and just waited.

“What if she doesn’t?” And the tone Matty used was one he’d only ever heard once before, the morning that he’d decided he needed to get clean.

Ross hadn’t even realised that his jaw was wrenched shut by the grit of his teeth before he went to reply. “Then we be there for her. Like she was for us. Like she’s always been.”

“Right.”

Ross didn’t say anything for a long while and it almost sounded as though the line had gone dead before a loud trembling exhale ripped him from the tension.

“Look, mate. I’ll head on over tonight, alright? Surprise her.” He decided, “Bring dinner or dessert. Fucking whatever. You can go out for a bit. Clear your head. I’ll try and see if I can get her to talk.”

Whilst he listened to Matty ramble away in return, asking if it was a good idea, if he was sure, Ross caught George’s eye from across the sofa before the drummer quickly startled away. Ross watched him closely after that, but still found himself mulling things over. Wondering how he could possibly fix this apocalyptic mess that'd been created. If anyone even could.

But then he decided in that next moment, he at least had to try.

If not for his own sanity, then for her's.

Part eighteen>

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alexandraswords · 11 months

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F*CK NORMAL

An overdue ending to a (un)well decorated drinking career.

Introduction

Friday, June 9, 2023 9:28 AM

Today is one of those days where I am just tired, and a bit bored, but mostly tired. I am exhausted. Mentally at least. I have really been putting my all into my sobriety to the point where my day revolves around meetings but im starting to lose momentum. I have a headache, the dog wont stop barking, i'm trying to pop the zits on my face. Basically being alone with my discontented ass self is not something I'm great at... yet.

I should meditate or journal or text another AA member. But I just want to sleep and be normal and relax. But fuck normal.

I thought drinking was normal. I thought my diet of vodka and water and the occasional box of cheez-its was adulting. I thought I was mature and well refined and socially acceptable because I drank, just like everyone else, because, you know, drinking is normal... right?

Wrong. Not for me. I am NOT normal. So I have to do abnormal shit to keep my addictive eating disordered alcoholic riddled ass self sober and happy. I have to keep listening to other people because me making my own decisions landed me in a crack den sharing a room with a friend I would consider a sibling, whom which a fought with constantly to the point where I dragged the mattress from our third floor apartment (if you consider that uninhabitable shit hole, an apartment) down out side below out kitchen window so if I jumped maybe the universe would send me a sign saying that it is or isn't time yet. Okay so I didn't actually do that, but I sure as shit thought about it... a lot. Like a lot. I mean i couldn't even barely walk to the bathroom let alone haul some shit down the stairs. Hell, I wouldn't even walk across the street to get my own liquor. I would bribe my roommate by telling him if he went for me and took my card he could buy something for myself. I just didn't care anymore. I hated everything. I hated that I had to be loaded to be able to walk because my shakes were so bad. I hated that I had to drink to even feel sober and functional and not hallucinate and vomit and dry heave bright green bile. And worst of all I hated that I had lost control.

My eating disorder and my alcoholism made my reality disappear. The food temporarily until my life became a cage, and the nicest word I can think of to name it would be a vomitorium because it was actually that repulsive if you could see inside the walls of it. The alcohol took control over me so I didn't have to deal with food, but also made it so I didn't worry or care about ANYTHING.

So I guess this is how I'm going to start this ... whatever rant of words form a book. Where I'm at right now. Because right now is all I have. Yes, I am in full self pity mode, but if there's one thing I've learned from AA it's that I need to take action, and never have I ever felt worse after going to a meeting. So,lets go fucking make our bed, and meditate or some shit and get ready for today. So, yeah, Fuck Normal.

So, Why the fuck not?

I got most talkative in fifth grade. The english section of my English SAT’s, I aced. People (my boyfriend) seem to like my writing and have told me If I don’t do something with it, then they’ll publish it themselves… which I’m pretty sure falls into the lines of plagiarism but lets be honest here. I am probably one of the biggest procrastinators when it comes to doing something that is actually good for me. Why? The fuck if I know. Maybe because all I’ve known has been chaos and panic since, like, forever, that when it comes to the real things, like happiness and joy and pride in work that I’VE DONE… well, I'm just not used to that type of thing. But I figured, fuck it. I can write a book. All i have to do is elaborate on how awesome I am at self sabotaging and add in some very few lessons I picked up and am still learning day by day. Basically I’ve decided its time to just put all my shit in one bound piece of parchment instead of having to explain my life story to everyone as if its my first day with a new therapist.

But alas, melodramatic Alex is bored and avoiding meditating, to keep her shit together and be healthier, obviously, because that would actually be beneficial to my well being. So for now i’ll just throw it in one of the corners in the back of my mind while it slowly simmers into a pot of anxiety attack soup while I try and explain to you (briefly before the pot starts boiling) how fucking insanely delusionally fantastically fucked my life is, and how I got here, and why I wouldn’t change one second of it for anything. But I mean, there’s forwards and shit in books right? So can this be like a PS after the main intro forward? ‘Cause This sober bitch has to go meditate before a meeting so I can stay mindful in my sobriety and not add homicide to my list of criminal activities. (That was a joke) So for now, just for today, Namaste Sober.

P.P.S- enjoy the buffet of garbage that hopefully is not similar to mine. But if you can and most likely will relate if you’re reading this (most likely because my clever title struck a chord in your twisted little heart) then just know, you're not alone in this shit show, but no one ever really puts the shit show on the ‘gram now do they?

#sobriety #clean and sober #addiction recovery #sobercommunity

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fandomfixationstation · 3 years

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Warning: mention of death of a loved one.

Todays concept is MC gets a call that like their parental figure has died one way or another and this upsets them greatly because one, they aren’t there to help with anything two, the only people there to do anything are their siblings three, they considered said parent a angel or a blessing by god (optional/bonus points if said parents name means angel-) They don’t say anything at first though they seem rather angry and now one can figure out why. then they hide and have a mental breakdown to cry in hopefully but unlikely peace. now I shall write the response headcanons / scenarios or whatever I will do Update: well I didn’t write a scenario / short story bit for all of them because i ran out of energy to do so and then i never went back to it, though if anyone begs or askes nicely I could in theory maybe work something out. this was something self indulgent and was something i wrote to really get me out of a bad headspace. Lucifer

He is the first one to realize something is wrong, especially if they aren’t a very angry person.

probably doesn’t get to ask about what is going on because he is forced to deal with something else and rather quickly

though when people start inquiring where they went after lunch, finding it unlikely that they would randomly choose to skip class or something he makes his goal to find them.

Probably doesn’t take him long to find them after he starts looking. gets it in the first three guesses of where they are hiding.

“why are you hiding here with Cerberus?” Lucifer said with a bit of amusement. he figured he would find them here with his dog. just not curled up and cuddling.

“wouldn’t you like to know” was all they uttered out, having no real energy to argue, or fight. though it was clear they had been crying their eyes out.

“well something is clearly upsetting you, why not talk about it. nobody else is here to listen in” Lucifer offers to lend an ear to listen to their problems. he was also hoping that by doing so he could get to the root of the problem and deal with it. expecting that he was going to have to knock one of his brothers into line again.

“I just received some bad news. that’s all. also, I’ll be otherwise located Friday, so like, don’t worry if I’m not around on Friday, I will be back like Saturday, so there is that” They explain, clearly not wanting to get into the details of the so called bad news.

“otherwise located?” Lucifer inquired as to what the hell they meant by that.

“yeah, um, I will be visiting - visiting the human world for the day.” visiting might not be the word they were looking for but it was the word they went with nonetheless.

“your visiting the human world?” Lucifer was surprised to say the least. especially considering he wasn’t hearing about this till now.

“yeah, i was talking to Diavolo not long ago to make sure it was alright” with a sigh the were back to melting into the side of the dog.

“normally you are excited to visit the human world, what happened” lucifer wanted to get to the root of the misery they were feeling and he wasn’t gonna sweep this under the rug.

“for fuck sakes, you really aren’t gonna leave me alone till I say it huh? my parent fucking died. are you fucking happy, lucifer? Jesus Christ.” doing everything in their power to hold back a second wave of tears as they add on “my blessing of a parent died. can we drop the topic now?” they said clearly not wanting to hear anything come out of lucifer's mouth as they hardly give him the chance to speak.

“ah, I see, my condolences” Lucifer was trying to figure out what to say at the same time he was trying to figure out how to cheer them up or at least make them more comfortable. “do you want some Kleenex? how about some water?” lucifer inquired simply.

“water would be nice.” they let out a sigh.

“im sure your parent was a lovely person. I think it is safe to assume that they’ll end up somewhere where they are safe and happy” Lucifer states simply as he holds a hand out to them to help them to their feet.

“I have no doubts about it. so you don’t need to tell me twice. it just. . . hurts” They says rather quietly. Accepting lucifer’s hand and pulling themself to their feet.

”go take a seat in my office, no one will bother you in there. I’ll join you soon enough with your glass of water.” Mammon

This man probably thinks he did something wrong, spends half the day trying to figure out what he did

if its not that he is trying to figure out who pissed them off and who he should be yelling at.

he hates to admit it but he doesn’t like seeing them angry or upset.

is probably gonna be first to realize that they slipped of to somewhere and start trying to find them right away.

after checking a few other areas, Mammon finally considers they might have just gone home to hide. knocking on their door and slowly opening it mammon calls out into the room “Oi, human are you in here?”.

“Go away Mammon” they were heard but very muffled as they had encased themselves in several blankets, clearly sounding like they were crying. unless they choose to eat gravel or something.

“what’s got you so bumbed out?” Mammon said fully entering the room now know that they were in the room and completely ignoring their request to go away.

“I said go away, I don’t want to talk about it” They said pulling the pillow to their head in hopes to block out more of the world. so that they didn’t have to look up and face the fact they were a hot mess. so mammon didn’t have to see them like this.

“no! the great mammon isn’t leaving till you say what's bothering you! that way I can fix it for you!” Mammon declared boldly. goofy grin on his face hoping that his optimism would help cheer them up.

“you can’t fix this. you cant bring back the dead. well unless you use necromancy, but. that's never worked out” They had let out a dry laugh for saying all of this. but now they were holding back tears trying to not cry their heart out for a second time.

“oh human...” Mammon was at a loss of words, though to be fair he didn’t get the time to form a full sentence.

“I’ll never get them back. they were practically an angel” they sniffled, trying to not sob. “my parent died mammon. what the fuck am I going to do?” they didn’t really expect an answer from mammon.

“Listen here, the great mammon will deal with all the technical talk, and will make sure you can go to the human world long enough for you to do what you need to. but till then and maybe after, I’ll be here for you.” mammon explained simply.

after letting out a chocked sob they reached out a hand and grabbed onto mammon's arm. “thank you” they sobbed out. mammon just sat there and patted the blanket pile gently trying to give as much comfort as he could.

“do you want a hug?”

“please-”

Leviathan

since he hides away and does online classes (Correct me if im wrong) he might not even realize something is going on

unless he messages them and doesn’t get a response.

will ask if the others have seen them and like will try to figure out where they were last seen.

eventually puzzles together that something is wrong and he should look for them

Satan

He although wrathful himself, isn’t able to see through the anger and might be a little annoyed about them for being so.

though he does understand that there is probably a reason for them being upset. he’ll do his best to figure out what caused them to act this way.

he’s stubborn and straight forward, he’ll probably be direct and ask what is wrong and wont leave till he gets an answer.

or he might occasionally bring it up and keep getting updates with how their doing kind of thing.

doesn’t really have to seek for them when they hide away because he watched them slip away and got worried and followed them

Asmodeus

he is very quick to realize something more is going on, something more than meets the eye.

probably doesn’t directly do anything at first other than same some sugar coated words in hopes it cheers them up.

when that doesn’t work, he gets very worried and tries to convince them to do somethings to ‘take your mind off of things’

knows exactly where to look to find them. first try!

Beelzebub

one of two ways, he either doesn’t notice anything for the first little bit, or he has a strange feeling nagging him that something is wrong and he tries to figure out what.

once its clear that they’ve disappeared he is quick to start looking, might take a while to find them because he is gonna check everywhere to find them.

bear hugs no questions asked, will try to comfort to the best of his abilities.

will ask them what they want to do after a while to see what he can do to make them feel better

Belphegor

tbh honest probably knows something is up right away.

with either avoid it entirely or bluntly ask what is wrong

if he doesn’t get a direct answer or is shooed away he doesn’t have the energy to push for the truth, might be a bit annoyed.

once he hears that they have gone missing it probably wont take him long to find them.

will sit down next to them and be like ‘now will you tell me what is wrong?’

Solomon

since he doesn’t have the same amount of time with them he may not notice at first. or he does notice ASAP because holy shit what happened why are they so mad.

might try to inquire what is wrong and like use his natural charm to try to cheer them up.

when he hears they are lost or missing ect. he uses magic to find them as quickly as possible.

will do a bunch of considerably silly and goofy things trying to get them to smile or laugh before trying to get them to talk about whats bothering them

Simeon

doesn’t take him long to figure out something is wrong, just one look and he knows

but other wise, he’ll simply ask if you want to talk about it. when bluntly rejected he’ll leave them alone

they go missing during the day? maybe it was worse than he first realized, he’ll go looking for them.

will find them within the hour, maybe a half hour if he’s lucky.

mans will try to comfort them any way he can.

_____________________________________________________________ sorry, for not doing Diavolo, luke and barbatos, i just didn’t really have the time to do them nor could i figure out how to do ones for them so like aihogdsifh sorry. but i do hope you enjoy this post nonetheless.

#OBEY ME #Obey Me Levi #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me lucifer #Obey me beelzebub #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #obey me belphie #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmo #obey me headcanons #obey me headcannons #obey me scenarios

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everlesslahote1 · 3 years

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‘LET ME GO PLEASE!” (Seth Clearwater) -Requested -

J“Can you do a Seth one. His imprint is attacked (maybe he try’s to sexually assault her/or does) by a man when she’s walking home one night. Paul Jared and Sam were in the woods as wolfs and come rescue her. They bring her back to Sam and Emily’s and call Seth. Lots of caring protective angry Seth. The pack have to calm him down and stop him from doing anything. He ends up scaring his imprint because he’s so angry. Soft moment at the end when Seth says sorry and lots of hugs and kisses”

-No problem love❤.

Seth Clearwater x Fem!Reader

(warning: Near sexual assault)

- Enjoy!

“Bye guy’s see you later” Y/n said leaving her friends house from working on a school project as she disappeared into the dark woods she tends to take home.

She knew wolfs were on patrol in the area so she didn’t think twice on her way into woods, she knew they wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

After all she did see them as family and knew they felt the same way as she gets told everyday.

As Y/N walked the wood something just didn’t feel right but she always took this way back home so what’s wrong now?

Was it that it was darker then when she would usually take the woods home? she just shrugged it off.

She was deep in her thoughts until she heard a stick break behind her which caused she to turn fast but to see nothing.

“maybe I’m just tired, that’s all” she said to herself not wanting to get scared of maybe a little animal in the night.

Just as she started to walk again she felt her mouth being covered and her small figure being dragged to be pushed into a tree.

She started to scream and kick as the strong figure starts to unbutton the shirt she took from Seth the night before.

“LET ME GO PLEASE!” she screamed and kicked with tears streaming down her face.

“Your a fighter, I like you” the man said in her ear harshly before throwing her down making her hit her head on a bolder hard.

She took her shaky hand and touched the top left corner of her head to only see blood on her hand.

She soon left her world turning and her vision blurring due to her being in shock.

Y/N struggled to back away from the man and keep conscience but all she heard was his sick words leave his mouth in a blur.

Almost as if she was being pulled into the deep end of a pool and couldn’t keep her head above water.

Only as she felt her button down come off completely and the chilly air hit her bare arms so when she blacked out.

-Wolf’s Pov-

“LET ME GO PLEASE!” Sam heard making his head shoot up to the direction of the voice he knew all to well.

Jared’s Wolf soon became visible from tree’s with Paul’s wolf next to him as they looked at their alpha for the next order’s.

‘was that Y/N?’

‘No shit’

‘Get to her, Now!’ Sam thought as him and his Beta’s ran to where they heard Y/n’s screams and cries for help only to find her unconscious with blood dripping down her face, no shirt and a older man standing over her.

Jared growled as the man started to unbutton Y/N’s pants, catching the man’s attention.

The man couldn’t believe what he was seeing in front of him, he didn’t know if it was the count of beer’s he had took back to back early or if it was reality.

3 wolfs... a Black one, a dark grey one, and a chocolate brown one.

All that stood over 6 foot looked at him like he were their next meal which he didn’t want to be.

‘He’s Human, I cant hurt him’ Paul thought as he inched closer to Y/N but keeping his eye’s on the man.

In all honesty if Sam wasn’t there and it was just him and Jared he wouldn’t have thought twice on attacking the man who dared hurt his little sister.

She was to good to have anything bad happen to her, she kind, giving, smart, funny. Everything about her gave the pack a little sister vibe.

Even before she knew about the imprint and wolfs, she would always walk up to Embry and Jared in school just to crack jokes and make them laugh so everybody wouldn’t think they were sum killer ‘gang’.

Jared and Sam soon started to chase the man off so that Paul could shift and take the small girl to Emily’s house.

As Paul pulled his short’s over his hip’s he made his way back to Y/N before gently taking her in his arm feeling her cold skin.

“I Gotcha smalls” he spoke as if she could hear him.

Paul Jogged all the way to Emily’s before walking into a worried Emily as he laid Y/n on the couch before looking to his own imprint, Rachel.

Soon enough, Jared and Sam came through the door with the rest of the pack long side them to find a puzzled Emily and Rachel , a quiet Paul, and a passed out y/n.

After awhile of silence Sam took this time to settle on what to do.

“Call Seth”

-Y/N Pov-

Y/N slowly gained conscience only to hear Seth’s voice screaming at the top of his lung’s.

She looked down to her clothes to find she’s in a jacket and and sweat’s, she slowly reaches to corner of her head where she felt pain shoot to only feel cloth.

She was now in a bed that was in Sam and Emily’s guest room.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LET HIM GO!” Seth screamed which made Y/N flinch, she as never seen Seth mad or even heard him yell in anger.

Seth was always happy or at least holding a smile even in a bad case he would be the one to bring a smile to her face.

Anyone’s at that matter...

“He was human you know the rules-”

“I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT ANY DAMN RULES WHEN IT COMES TO HER, WHAT IF IT WAS EMLY?” Seth responded to Sam.

Sam understood the young boys anger, he knew his skin felt like burning metal, Sam wanted to react the same way when they found Y/N shirtless in front of a sick intoxicated being but held it together.

“S-seth” Y/N finally spoke in a horse voice catching the angry boy and everyone’s attention almost instantly.

Seth walked to the Y/H/C girl’s side in 3 long strides before sitting in the chair next to the bed she was laying on.

“Hey Bean, you ok?” He said calling her by the nickname he gave her because he knows she didn’t and wouldn’t eat beans even if her pet goldfish’s life was on the line.

and she loved Goldie like a son.

“I'm fine but y-you have to calm down, he’ll get what’s coming for him one day” She said grabbing her lovers hand hoping he wouldn’t yell anymore because it made the headache she had 10 times worst.

This infuriated Seth, How could she be so calm and humble at a time like this? After what just happened to her? Even after that man left her for dead when three over man sized wolfs showed up?

What if it wasn’t the pack? What if it was that red head leach they have yet to catch? She would be dead.

And that’s all Seth could think about... She could have died... and he wasn’t there save her...

“calm down!? YOU WERE NEARLY RAPED AND I HAVE TO CALM DOWN!?!” he said shooting up from his seat next to her now towering over her.

She flinched as if his voice was like a hammer on her head that just kept on banging, as if it was the last thing she would hear before she passed out.

He saw affect he had on his imprint with his voice and it slapped him like his mom did when she told him to do the dishes but he had a smart come back.

Seth took his spot back next to Y/N and grabbed her hand again now calming him self.

“I’m sorry” he said put his head down while keeping hold of Y/N’s small hand.

“Im so sorry Bean, but what if they wouldn’t have got there in time- its my fault... I shouldn’t have let-”

“Hey... its not your fault, come here” she said opening her arms to the scared boy.

As Seth climbed in the arms of his lover gently so he wouldn’t cause any aches in her sore body, Emily gave everyone a look that said ‘give them time’ and everyone shifted to the living room.

Seth rested his head of Y/N chest before taking a deep breath, taking in her scent, a scent he would miss if he lost her.

He waited a few mins before speaking...

“I’m sorry for yelling” he said looking at her.

she just gently kissed his head and played with the hair’s on the back of his neck making him relax his tense body on her.

“I understand my love” she said closing her eyes as they lay there in silence, loving one another’s presents and letting the stress slip away.

Bonus

“you do know I’m going to make you apologize to Sam right” Y/N said with her eyes still closed.

Seth huffed playful before he spoke.

“Of course you are bean” he said before planting a soft kiss on her lips that she gladly returned.

“I love you”

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mizunetzu · 4 years

Note

PART 3 OF ITS YOUR FAULT PLS !!!! I LOVE IT EKDBJSHD

Well since y’all asked so nicely-

——————

Kuroo x reader - it’s your fault (pt. 3) (final)

⚠️warnings - angst

Pronouns - male, he/him

part 1 can be found here!

part 2 can be found here!

——————

Sports sucks. That’s what Kuroo knew about (y/n), yet he still egged him on to play volleyball with him. He had a choice to say no, which was what younger him was hoping for, yet he still did it in hope of gaining his affection.

All his life he thought he was annoying. All his life he’d been in the mindset of how annoying he was, and how blissful it would’ve been for him to just disappear off the face of the earth.

So when (y/n) suddenly stopped showing up to practice, Kuroo didn’t expect himself to get worried.

He was starting to miss all the clingy touches, or the ‘good morning, Kuroo-kun!’ every single morning practice. He didn’t realize how quiet the walk was to his classes, or to and from home, when (y/n) wasn’t there to fill the noise on random things he found cool or how his day was. He didn’t know how expensive the drink (y/n) religiously bought him from the vending machine was, even though he bought him the drink with a smile plastered on his face like it was nothing.

“Oh, (y/n)? He quit the team.”

Kuroo dropped the volleyball he was holding. He’d gone up to coach nekomata to ask where (y/n) was, and why he wasn’t showing up to practice. But he was regretting asking in the first place. Nekomata gave him a sympathetic look.

Kuroo picked up his volleyball, gave him the best smile he could afford, and walked away. Why was he so devastated? Why did his heart feel like it sunk into his stomach? Why was his chest hurting like that? He should’ve been glad that (y/n) was finally gone.

So why does his heart hurt so much?

————

Kuroo figured he’d stop by his apartment to see what was going on. It’s been weeks, yet he couldn’t find him anywhere in his classrooms, and he nor Kenma could reach him on his phone.

When he walked up the stairs, looking for the ever familiar door to his apartment, he was nervous. For once in his life when going to talk to the boy, he was nervous. It wasn’t a good feeling, he never felt nervous to talk to him before.

When he noticed the door slightly ajar, he clutched the apology basket of sweets in his hand tighter. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to apologize for, though. Maybe for yelling at him, or maybe for something else.

“...hello? (Y-y/n)?” When he opened the door, he was met face to face with construction workers, and a blank apartment. Kuroos heart stopped beating. A man, who Kuroo believes was the apartment owner, looked at Kuroo, to his schools jacket, and down to his basket saying “I’m sorry (y/n) :(“

“Oh? Are you here for that (h/c)-haired kid?” Kuroo nodded vigorously.

“Sorry bud. He moved out a few days ago.” Kuroo couldn’t hide the devastated frown from tugging at his lips. He mumbled a small “sorry” and spedwalked out of the building.

He spammed (y/n’s) phone, probably texting more than he ever did his whole life combined, with “where are you’s” and “hey look I’m sorry, okay? Please answer me’s”

None of them were even read.

Kenma didn’t react well to knowing one of his best friends moved away so suddenly. Unlike Kuroo, (y/n) was good friends with him, practically attached to the hip. When Kuroo told him he couldn’t find (y/n) at his apartment, Kenma clutched his ds harder and glared at the screen like it was it’s fault for making him disappear.

But as much as Kenma blamed the ds, they both knew it was Kuroos fault.

———

Kuroo strived to be a better person. He came to terms with his feelings for (y/n), and how he could never repeat his mistake again.

He grew to love (y/n), and he messed it up so bad.

He’d be sure to never lead anyone on again, minus when he’d lead his team to victory as their new captain. He’d try and hold less grudges, tell someone when he doesn’t like them, as to let them down easy instead of blowing up in their face, and even bought his team snacks and filled up their water bottles during practice.

Kuroo walked around the unknown streets of miyagi, scanning his eyes for a mop of bleached hair. He knew Kenma got distracted on his phone, but this was excessive, even for him.

Eventually, his eyes landed on two bright figures. Kenmas usual bright blond hair, and a tuft of orange next to him.

“Kenma!”

Kenmas head whipped up, and he shut off his phone, but then a flash of (h/c) came into his peripherals. He looked a little further down and locked eyes with someone who made his throat close up.

(Y/n).

He looked older. Not in the way that he looks physically older, but he carried himself with a somewhat mature, grown stance that made Kuroo so a double take. His hair was slightly longer and he was wearing a black team jacket instead of the red Nekoma jacket he used to wear. Shocked (e/c) colored eyes morphed into an expression of pure resentment, making Kuroos shocked happiness short lived. Kenma walked up next to him, about to ask what happened when Kuroo turned his head away, walking with his head down.

Kenma waved bye to Hinata, when his eyes landed on (y/n). He was talking to a silver headed guy, with a distasteful frown directed at Kuroo. He didn’t say anything though, just ducked his head and walked beside his captain.

———

(Y/n) kept his eyes fixed on the ground, as Nekoma and Karasuno stood in a line, facing eachother. Kenma was practically standing in front of him, shocked to the core, but also averting his gaze. Not just because (y/n), but Hinata next to the boy was staring at him with his mouth agape.

Eventually everyone filed into the gym, Hinata stopping Kenma to talk, while taketora eyed him menacingly. (Y/n) side-eyed the little interaction with an unwanted jealousy. He wanted to talk to Kenma, he WAS his childhood and best friend. But it soon dissipated when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

That jealousy turned into hatred.

“Can we talk, (y/n)?”

(Y/n) slapped Kuroos hand away and stepped past him, pushing him back slightly with his shoulder.

“Don’t call me that. You have no right. It’s

(L/n).”

Kuroo watched as (y/n) stepped into the gym, his lips pressed into a fine line.

—————

(Y/n) sat on a bench in the corner with an obviously closed off aura, watching as people set up the net or the players from both schools talked to eachother. He walked as Kuroo shook hands with Daichi, not noticing the mop of bleached hair sit himself next to him. (Y/n) flinched when he felt something brush his shoulder.

He whipped his head around to find Kenma, sitting right next to him, but looking straight in front of him. He said nothing, and fiddled with his fingers. Guess he didn’t change, even after a new school year.

(Y/n) relaxed a bit and went back to stalking his team and old teammates with a somewhat less intimidating aura. They sat in heavy silence for what seemed like forever, until (y/n) coughed into his Karasuno jacket.

“S-so how you been Ke-“

“So you’re just not gonna tell me why you left?”

Kenma was looking straight at (y/n), with his normal, neutral gaze. It looked like his normal face, but (y/n) knew how hurt he was. He understood, though. He would be hurt too if his best friend moved without saying goodbye.

“I’m...I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

More silence consumed them. Sounds of sneakers squeaking and the rustle of the net being hung up seemed to vanish under the cloud of quiet sheltering them. Kenma stood up.

“I’m not mad. But I know why you left. And I’m not saying it’s a stupid reason, but you should talk to him.”

Kenma walked away without another word, leaving (y/n) to trail his eyes over to his old teammate, now captain. The frown that summoned up on his face came naturally, despite taking Kenmas words to heart.

He also stood up, brushing himself off and turning his cheery attitude back on. Why play a game with a frown when you’re about to destroy your old team?

—————

(Y/n) wasn’t mad he lost. He was actually quite satisfied with ticking off some of his old teammates by receiving spikes or feints no one saw coming. He sort of felt like an inside man. A spy even. It wasn’t enough to secure a win, but (y/n) never really cared for that.

Everyone was bidding their new friends goodbye, or just idly standing by. He promised Kenma to unblock his number, but only if they never talked about Kuroo again. (Y/n) knew he was being petty, but if it meant never talking to that piece of shit again, so be it-

“Stop ignoring me.”

Speak of the fucking devil. (Y/n) didn’t turn around, choosing to clutch the edge of his black jacket instead.

“Then stop trying to fix a friendship that never existed, Kuroo.”

“Oi!” Kuroo grabbed onto (y/n’s) shoulder harshly, pulling him back and making him stumble a little. (Y/n) pried and clawed at Kuroos iron hard grip. As much as he hated to admit it, he missed Kuroos touch, a lot.

“Can we please have a civilized fucking conversation? I’m fuckin begging you here!”

“Stop fucking cursing and let go of me you fuckass scheming bitch!”

(Y/n) swung at Kuroos head, but avertedly missed. He wasn’t sure if he missed on purpose, or if Kuroo ducked. Kuroo grabbed onto (y/n’s) waist, earning a choked squeak, and hauled him over his shoulder. Kuroo looked for a secluded area, ignoring the fists digging repeatedly into his back and the confused stares he got passing by his team and (y/n’s) teammates.

Kuroo practically threw (y/n) off his back, him stumbling down and hitting the back of a wall a bit harshly, and trapped him between his body and the wall. Both of his hands were on either side of (y/n’s) head, and his legs were long enough to trap him in if he tried to escape.

(Y/n) shrunk back into the wall ever so slightly, but kept the scowl present on his face. Kuroo pursed his lips and sighed.

“(Y/n)-“

“Let me go. I don’t wanna tal-“

“GODDAMNIT (Y/N) IM BUSTING MY BALLS HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IM SORRY!” Kuroo slammed his hands against the wall again, earning a surprised flinch from the smaller boy. “FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! PLEASE!”

Kuroos eyes softened a bit when he finally met eyes with (y/n’s) petrified form, cowering against the wall with his arms tucked in shakily. (Y/n) was quick to push past Kuroo though, diving past him and turning around, free from the wall.

“You see-this is what I fucking hate about you! You act so slick and perfect to the point where you lead people on to think they mean something important to you! I wanted to be a writer, Kuroo! I gave that up to spend my time bouncing a fucking volleyball around with you, and what did I get?! Nothing! I only did it for your stupid friendship, yet I didn’t even get that!”

(Y/n) practically had steam rolling out up his ears, and his words dripped with pure hatred with each retort. Kuroo opened his mouth to speak, but (y/n) beat him to it.

“So if you really want to apologize, give me back the blood sweat and tears I wasted on this stupid volleyball shit!”

(Y/n) punched at Kuroos chest with trembling hands. He kept punching and hitting Kuroo until Kuroo gently grabbed his wrists and pulled him into a hug. Kuroo felt him balling his fists into his back, trying to push him away, but he knew he was stronger. (Y/n’s) mouth was muffled by the cloth of Kuroos shirt, yet he still kicked and screamed at the top of his lungs.

“LET ME GO! I WANT MY CHILDHOOD BACK! I WANT ALL THE YEARS I COULD’VE BEEN WRITING OR LITERALLY BE DOING SOMETHING I ACTUALLY FUCKING LIKE BACK! ITS YOUR FAULT! ITS YOUR FAULT THAT MY ARMS HURT EVERYDAY! ITS YOUR FAULT I GAVE UP ON WRITING! ITS YOUR FAULT! I HATE YOU! I HATE VOLLEYBALL! I FUCKING HATE YOU! I hate you! I-I hate...I....”

Yelling turned into incoherent sobs as (y/n’s) punches died out into love taps. Kuroo said nothing, rubbing circles onto (y/n’s) back, who finally gave up and weakly wrapped his arms around Kuroos waist. He stained Kuroo with his salty tears, choking out half assed “let me go”s in between hics and sobs like a broken record.

They stood like that in comfortable silence, Kuroo combing fingers through (y/n’s) hair while the smaller boys sobs turned into occasional sniffles. Kuroo rocked gently from side to side, attempting to calm him down until he was ready to talk.

“I just wanted to be your friend, stupid Kuroo...” his words were barely understandable through the cracks and sniffles of his voice-also being muffled by Kuroos chest-but the taller boy heard every word as clear as day. He rested his chin on top of (y/n’s) head, looking off to the side.

“Sorry. If it means anything, I was stupid enough to hold a childhood grudge against you. You did nothing wrong. I just...i was dumb and disliked you because I thought you were lazy and annoying even though you were anything but that and...yeah. Sorry.”

Kuroo pulled away from the hug, the cold air hitting (y/n) like a truck. He silently whined at the loss of contact, wiping away stray tears with his team jacket. Kuroo awkwardly held his hands behind his back, his tongue suddenly feeling too big to fit comfortably in his mouth.

“...I’m sorry too.”

(Y/n) averted his gaze, his eyes half lidded and puffy from crying. Kuroo looked at (y/n) with a blank expression.

“Why?”

“For um...being annoying or something. And like...bitching a lot. I’m sorr-.”

Kuroo grabbed hold of (y/n’s) shoulders and shook him violently. “Don’t apologize! You don’t have anything to be sorry for! It’s my fault! Let me take the blame!”

“God shut up you’re gonna make me cry again.”

“...sorry.”

Kuroo looked like a kicked puppy, which made (y/n) burst into a fit of laughter. Kuroos ears perked up as he was graced with the sight of (y/n) wiping happy tears off his face and clutching his stomach. It was a beautiful sight, so beautiful that it made Kuroos chest tighten.

Chuckles died out into snickers as (y/n) huffed and leaned against the wall.

“So-what are we? Friends?”

Kuroo hesitantly nodded, watching (y/n’s) face intently for any sign of protest. When (y/n) broke out into a smile, Kuroo felt like he was on cloud nine. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders after so long. He felt like he was flying.

“We should probably head back. I gotta go back to my schoo-“

“Yeah. Yeah that’s probably..smart...”

It was kind of bittersweet knowing you had to say goodbye to someone you just got your hands back on, but after (y/n) unblocked his number right infront of him before enveloping him in a hug, he supposed it was alright.

“Bye~! call me~” (y/n) mouthed out, stepping onto the bus. People started asking him if he was crying, or what that meltdown was about, but he just shrugged and put some earbuds in with a reserved smile.

Sports sucks. That’s the mindset (y/n) has, and probably will have forever.

But not when I’m with you.

——————

Epilogue:

“(Y/n)!” Kuroo ran up behind the boy and picked him up, twirling him around before setting him down. Tsukishima visibly gagged while Yamaguchi snickered behind him, stepping off the bus and preparing for the training camp.

“Yo! What’s up! God I missed you and your stupid hair.”

“I missed you too~”

...

“So...are we-“

“Yeah, that’s what we said on video chat right? I mean-if you meant it and all.”

“I DID!” Kuroo picked his new boyfriend up, this time placing a chaste kiss on the bridge of his nose.

“And god I love you so much.”

——————

And that’s it!! I hope you enjoyed this series!! Also thank you for 100 followers!! I’m so thankful!!

#hq x male reader #hq fics #haikyuu kuroo tetsuro #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo x male reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro imagine #kuroo testuro #kuroo tetsuro x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x male reader #hq kuroo #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x you #kuroo angst

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imfiguringitoutlovely · 3 years

Text

you're going through a depressive episode||kaminari

pairing: denki kaminari x depressed, he/they reader

type: angst, fluff, it was supposed to be hcs but its more of a drabble?

warning: mentions of depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, dissociation, symptoms of ptsd, mental breakdown

author's note: I've started spiraling again and i really need this right now. please do not read this if you feel like you're in a vulnerable state of mind. also, reader and kami are in class 2-A at this point. and ill have another lams x reader fic come out soon, im sorry, ive been swamped with academic shit.

it'd been officially a little over six months since you'd started dating kaminari. he was the one to make the first move, mostly because you were sure that he was straight after all his antics with mineta and all. but you were wrong. this shocking (im so sorry) guy had a few secrets apparently. number one was that he was bi. number two was that he loved the way you laughed. three was the way he could stare at you smiling all day. four was how much he adored your sense of humor. and so on and so forth.

you picked up on these things. and yes, it was sweet. they made you smile, made you feel loved and appreciated. made you feel secure for a while. and then your depression trickled in and reminded you that the things he loves the most about you disappeared in waves from time to time. it reminded you that you couldn't always show what he loved, you couldn't always embody the reasons he'd fallen for you.

school was getting increasingly stressful. quirk training left you feeling constantly drained. your family wasn't being supportive of neither your schooling or relationship choices, and they didn't hesitate to constantly remind you. and then there was your constant reality, the villains and everything going on with UA. you started to feel like you were fading away, fighting against quicksand. you have to try to fix one problem, but then three others worsen and you have to try and fix those, but then there's more.

you were starting to reach a breaking point. your reality was starting to fall apart. not only were you losing touch with everyone and everything around you but you were spiralling out with your own identity. who were you? who did you want to be? were you really fit to be a hero, or was it a stupid dream? was it even your dream?

your anxiety got really bad as a response. so you were low on energy, out of touch, and you'd get spikes in adrenaline that you were too exhausted to fully process which left you a panicked mess.

despite how bad it was, it took your friends a long time to notice. you hid it because you felt like you didn't deserve to be helped. everyone else was dealing with all these things so easily, it seemed, and you weren't even getting everything they were. your life seemed mild compared to theirs, and so you held it in.

kirishima was the first person to catch on. the whole bakusquad (including you) were eating lunch at a table. you sat next to kaminari, as you usually did, but this time you sat by the edge of the bench. usually you sat in the middle, but you figured you'd sit at the end so you could step away if your anxiety started revving up. this was...fine. it didn't catch any attention. no, what signaled kirishima to suspect something was off was when your boyfriend asked how you were feeling about training.

you had zoned out, deep in your thoughts that all centered around the problems you had to fix that you had no more energy to deal with. you were staring off into your bowl of udon that you'd barely touched when he asked.

"i think it's a little overkill. making us come up with another special move? i'm still trying to get my first one right." he sighed in exasperation, though of course it was light hearted. "what do you think, [Y/n]?"

you hadn't even caught his question. you only heard ringing in one ear and distant voices in another, but they were mixed up and hard to make out in your head.

"[Y/n]? [Y/n]~?" He then tried a nickname and your hero name, but no response. It wasn't until Bakugou yelled that you snapped out of it.

"hey, idiot two, idiot one is asking you something!" but the sudden boost in volume made your anxiety hit hard. you jumped a little in your seat, entire body tensing and going into flight mode as your eyes focused on the people around you. you were too panicked, though, to realize the way kirishima seemed worried, or the way kaminari seemed to start to take the sign, too. you just looked so... so confused and scared until you processed why he'd yelled and what everyone was waiting for. you didn't look okay, and you didn't sound ok, either.

"o-oh. um." you cleared your throat. "well i get why they're making up do it. it'll help...in...fighting. so... im gonna use the restroom, sorry." and you stood and rushed off.

the whole table thought it was off. but they let it go as you being tired or overthinking the special move training. again, only kaminari and kirishima were really noticing the off-ness.

the next time anything showed was during training. catharsis. this was supposed to be the way your frustrations were let out, right? so why the hell was it making you feel worse?

you were training on your general combat skills, which meant minimizing the use of your quirk unless you could ensure it wouldn't be destructuve to the environment. your mind was so foggy and you kept making mistakes. mistake after mistake after mistake, and it was starting to get annoying. of course you were paired with uraraka who'd gotten trained for this during her internship, so it was going.... g r e a t for you. by great, i mean you ended up being flipped over her and slammed onto the ground two times already with her then pretending it took all her energy because she felt bad for you.

by the third time she managed to get you on the ground, you gave up. you just laid on your back, breathing hard and staring at the ceiling. the sounds of the other fights going in in the gym started to just fade into ringing, and you closed your eyes to try and calm yourself down. but the ringing got louder. the floor felt like it was sinking with you still on it, but you didn't bother trying to move away. everything you felt started feeling off, distant. second-hand. your breathing slowed, but you weren't calm. you were leaving yourself, running away from all the aching and anger and disappointment. you hadn't even noticed the way uraraka was crouching by you in complete concern, her brows furrowed before calling mr.aizawa over to help.

aizawa spoke directly to you, and because he was there, the rest of the class started looking over to see what was going on. kaminari especially, who ran over after he saw you just laying there.

"hey, what's going on-?" he kneeled next to you. "[Y/n]? [Y/N], what's-?" he grabbed your hand, gently, put a little spark went through and you immediately opened your eyes. you tensed up as the ringing in your ears overlapped the sound of small conversations coming from your classmates who were starting to crowd around you. aizawa shooed them off quickly, but kami wasn't having it. uraraka apologized before taking over kami's fight. aizawa helped you up, taking note of how after the slight shock you'd gone into a state of immediate distance. he took another moment to look at you, asked if you were physically okay, and then shooed your boyfriend off while granting you permission to sit out the rest of training, something Aizawa was known to only do when push comes to shove.

kaminari could barely focus on the three way fight he was dealing with because you were hurt. mentally or physically, you were hurting but you didn't talk to him about it. how could he help you if you didnt want help?

after class, your teacher insisted on talking to you. he recommended you to the school counselor, who you already knew after the summer camp incident. you went, but you never went back. that night, too, kami went to your dorm. he wanted to have a sleepover. he was a cuddly person, actually (which led to a ton of static all over you and your bed), and typically you adored it, but right now you wanted to shut yourself in to think, to fix. when you let him down, he noticed how... almost robotic it sounded... this had been going on for too long. he had to say something. he had to-

the idiot didn't think and put his thin-slipper covered foot in the doorway before you could close it all the way. his foot died. he inhaled and swallowed his pain before pushing the door open a bit.

"[Y/n]. what's going on? what's wrong?" he looked so worried. he wasn't dumb. you knew that. despite all the jokes the class made and the way he got when he pushed his quirk, denki was smart. he just took a little longer to understand certain subjects and often times had trouble concentrating. it didn't make him dumb. especially when it came to being aware of the people around him.

"wrong? nothing. just need to work on some studying is all-"

"for?"

"a test." he went quiet. because he knew there wasn't a test. you knew there wasn't a test until friday and it was monday and you never really studied until a night or two before. there was an uncomfortable pause that lasted way too long. way, way wayyyy too long. he was the one to break it.

"you don't need to tell me what you're not comfortable saying. but i need to know what the overall issue is so i know how to be here for you. i know im not great with tough feeling, but i want to be here for you." he watched as you went back to your desk. your textbooks were closed.

you knew you couldn't answer with "nothing". "i guess school is stressing me out. you know, with training and all-"

"you know you can always talk to me and ei about setting up a study group. we can do it for homework too-"

"no. no, it's alright."

"...then how can i help you? i want to be here for you. i want to support you the best i can, [y/n]. i know i seem stupud but i'm not blind-"

"i know you're not stupid or blind. i didn't say you were, babe, but i just need space-"

"that's what i've tried to give you. that's what i'm trying to do, but the more i give you, the worse you seem to get-!"

"then stop! then stop and go, kaminari! if im- i know im being stubborn, i know im closing myself off, but im trying to fix everything, okay?! and im-im trying to... im trying to fix this, to fix... to..." your tears started falling, quick. you stood and tried to find your breath, but the wind was knocked out of you. anxiety. "i need to fix it. i need to-to suck it up and-" you leaned on the desk, your breathing quickening and becoming sporadic. "i- i'm-"

denki was in shock. he'd never seen you this way. he was in front of you in milliseconds, trying to guide you through breathing. eventually it worked, but at that you'd already hit your limit. you were sobbing, hesitantly leaning into him even though your senses were bit overwhelmed.

"i just- i didn't- i need to fix everything..."

that night, denki held you. he laid with you in bed and held you as you cried it all out, head starting to ache from it all. he didn't speak until you were starting to calm down.

"you don't need to."

"w-what?"

"fo fix anything. you don't. we go through everything as a class. and as for us, we go through everything as a pair."

"...i have depression. and anxiety. diagnosed."

he paused, but spoke when he realized you were getting anxious again. "is it getting treated with anything?"

"no..."

"then we'll go to the counselor tomorrow together."

"you don't have to-"

"i want to. with you. okay?"

okay.

okay...

#x male reader #xmale!readerblog #my writing #writers on tumblr #denki x y/n #denki hcs #denki x reader #kaminaridenki #mha hcs #x gender neutral reader #read with me lovelies

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we-are-inevitable · 3 years

Text

guys oh my GOD i just found my newsies rants from the first BIG night of my hyperfixation and. hng. there's so much good content in here

*messages copy and pasted under the cut!

NOTE: all of these messages are from April 19, 2020- the first day of my newsies hyperfixation!

listen racetrack and crutchie are some of my babes and i fucking love them

BEN TYLER COOK IS THE ONLY VALID RACETRACK AND I DESPERATELY NEED THEM TO REDO THE CAST ALBUM TO GIVE HIM THE SPOTLIGHT HE DESERVES

I CANT LISTEN TO KING OF NEW YORK ANYMORE BECAUSE. IT ISNT RACE. dont get me wrong racetrack from the soundtrack is like. really good but he ain't livesies racetrack good

also everyone ships race and spot which is valid but idk I just feel like race and albert have more in common?? like. spot is a great character and all of the Brooklyn Newsies deserve so much more screentime and so much more content but i just feel like the only reason people like race × spot is because of the Inner-Bourough Relations and the territorial stuff (bc the brooklyn bois are pretty spooky) but race × albert is so much cuter ?? like they're both Manhattan newsies and they share a lot more screentime and they have a lot more in common and like !! their interactions throughout King of New York makes me cry so hard i love them so much

something is telling me that if i dont learn All Of The Newsies by tomorrow i'm gonna scream

so i think later today i'm gonna rewatch livesies, then watch 92sies, then make myself a google slides presentation with a pic of each newsie and their name so i can figure this shit out

JACK AND CRUTCHIE ARE BROTHERS BUT WE STILL STAN THAT JACK/RACETRACK DYNAMIC

if anyone tries to tell me that racetrack ain't Jack's #2 Dude i WILL bite i dont care

like??? we literally see race kinda take charge after the bulls bust up their strike and jack fucks off to be Emo On The Rooftop (which is still valid and i love him for it) but race steps in and lifts everyone's spirits again and god i love him for it

it's real "Loving Racetrack Higgins Hours"

OH OH OKAY SO THE EMO ROOFTOP SCENE

LIKE. FUCK. people kinda got on Jack's case for leaving after the big fight breaks out and the bulls take Crutchie, but what else can he do? jack is 17. he's scared. he's dealing with his own trauma after what happened to him at The Refuge (which is never explicitly stated, but his reaction leads me to believe there was definitely some kind of ab•se (and its canon that the officers at the refuge don't feed the kids as they should)). he's seen as the tough guy, as the leader, as the father figure for all of the newsies, but he's a kid. he put his life on the line for them, but that's too much responsibility for a teenager.

jack got thrown in the refuge- a jail for kids- because he stole food and clothing for the other boys. he did everything he did for everyone else, without ever taking his own feelings into consideration; it was never a case of "what's in it for me?", it was always "will this help the guys i love?" and that is Jack's biggest quality i think.

anyway- so, he disappears after the fight because he's guilty. he watch his best friend- no, his brother- get taken by the bulls and watched the others he loves get hurt, and he couldn't stop it. again, this is a 17 year old we're talking about. his whole Santa Fe scene is the most pivotal part of the show in my opinion? like- we see Jack having a breakdown, essentially. "just be real is all i'm askin', not some paintin' in my head" is such a painful line because he's holding onto the hope that somewhere he's never seen is good enough to risk leaving his life behind for, and we see the struggles between wanting to stay and help his friends and wanting to get out and live and be able to have a life where he doesn't have to live with such a huge responsibility on his shoulders.

ALSO THE WHOLE THING WITH THE GUYS THINKING JACK IS A SELLOUT BECAUSE HE GOT MONEY FOR TRYING TO CONVINCE THE NEWSIES NOT TO CONTINUE THE STRIKE HURTS MY HEART

like Pulitzer basically said "if you don't tell them to stop this, i'll personally make sure all of them end up in the refuge" and even used Davey as a plot device, since Davey is one of the few that has folks and a little brother, and Pulitzer essentially said "you wouldn't want your pal Davey getting separated from his family, would you?"

Jack believed in the Strike, and he believed in the Newsies, but he couldn't handle the risk of more of his family getting beaten and thrown into The Refuge, and it kills me to see that he couldn't tell the others why he suddenly had a "change of heart", and that they all think that jw just gave up on them until they realize later on that Pulitzer manipulated him right where it hurt most

I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT NEWSIES AND NO ONE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH SO UH,, IM SORRY YOU GUYS GET THE SHORT END OF THE STICK

listen i could write an entire essay over Santa Fe and i love that song and it's just such an iconic "I Want" song and !!! fuck !!!!!! it's so sad but it bops!!!!!

"folks are fightin, bleedin, fallin, thanks to good old Captain Jack! Captain Jack just wants to close his eyes and GO"

and then theres a really long pause and his voice cracks and the next line just ?? hurts me ??

"let me go, far away, somewhere they won't never find me, and tomorrow won't remind me of today"

HE'S SO SAD AND STRESSED AND HURT AND GUILTY AND JUST WANTS TO LEAVE THE SITUATION TO PREVENT ANYMORE BAD THINFS FROM HAPPENING ADN I JUST WISH I COULD HUG HIM

i just realized ive been ranting for 30 minutes i love u all goodnight

#jac txt.#newsies #discord rants

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honestlyandrogynousnightmare · 3 years

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magic reveal

So ive been thinking about the magic reveal we did get and also the different magic reveals we COULD have gotten so i thought id project all my thoughts into another massive tumblr rant:

personally, i dont think the magic reveal was bad at all. yes, i wouldve done it slightly differently, i think it was done way too late in the show and left little time to explore how that reveal affected merlin and arthurs relationship, and obviously we never actually ended up seeing if magic was legalised and all. but i dont hate the magic reveal we got. the key part i really love is that it was done on Merlins own terms, he could have just lied, but instead he finally told Arthur the truth and i think that there were many reasons for that decision being made.

firstly, Merlin definitely felt guilty and blamed himself for Arthur being stabbed, he must have at least partly blamed himself because everything he did directly led to Mordred turning into a little shit. Part of him might have just felt as if he owes Arthur that explanation yknow. secondly, i feel like by that point he was tired of lying in general, he needed to get that secret off his chest. those two things combined with the fact that Arthur was dying may have pushed him to telling the truth, because deep down he did know that it was probably the last chance to tell Arthur the truth.

i liked how they presented Arthurs reaction too, the clear message there was that Athur was angry at the lying, thats the part he saw as betrayal, not the magic itself. he didnt want to believe that Merlin was a liar, when he always saw him as the one person that was entirely honest with him. hell, he still trusted him enough to send him back to Camelot and Gwen so he knew Merlin wasnt evil. If the writers actually did a good job at developing Arthurs character, i feel like itd be more obvious that Arthurs stance on magic was different from his fathers, but yknow bbc and their shoddy writing. I love that moment of acceptance as well, when he tells Merlin that he doesnt want him to change. He doesnt even now about all the things Merlin sacrificed and lost in order to protect Arthur and Camelot but he still accepts him. I think that when he first fund out it was all like “holy crap i dont even know him” but after spending a few hours with Merlin he realises that its still the exact same person he knew the week before.

anddddd as much as i like the way they did that magic reveal, the ending of the show left me with no closure and a lot of tears. my ideal magic reveal wouldve happened earlier, either at the start of season 5 or near the end of season 4. It would give us a chance to see them talk it out, and god we know that there would be arguing, and if arthur wasnt dying he would probbaly be shouting but the key part here is that arthur wouldnt hurt merlin. i think he culd consider sending him away if his father was still king just to protect him but we all know merlin would reply with “no <3″. but since i cant see the reveal happening when uther is king, i will be ignoring that scenario. and again, theres many ways this could play out.

the one way that ive always found interesting was arthur figuring it out on his own, because he may be an idiot, but hes not stupid. *if you like this sort of thing read “so close and im halfway to it on ao3, its a merthur fic and the magic reveal in that one makes me cry so much and the fic is so well written* I feel like at one point, he would just put the pieces together, and it would all make so much sense to him? Merlins random disappearances and scars would make sense, the luck he had when it came to fights, Merlins weird reactions when someone mentioned magic, how on earth merlin of all people managed to survive every battle and fight arthur was in when some of his best knights didnt.

then theres the very cliche “merlin using magic mid battle to save everyone” reveal. because its mid battle, i really cant picture them talking it out there lol, i picture a lot of ignoring but also if other people saw him using magic, we all know the first thing arthur would do is give the knights a good old “if you kill him i will kill you and then myself”, it wouldnt be until later that they would actually talk.

and then like the canon magic reveal, theres Merlin doing it on his own terms. i personally really like thhis one because it gives him so much more control over the situation and over his words. *another fic rec here if you like this sorta thing, its called “to the world that let you by” and its really beautiful and made me cry at 1am so there you go, and as you guessed it, its another merthur*. i love this reveal because it gives merlin a chance to explain, and arthur a chance to listen and try to understand.

now there are loads of different sub categories that could go into those, like Arthur finding merlin creating butterflies out of thin air lol, but i wont go into those. whatever reveal would happen, i feel like “the talk” after would usually end up in a similar way. Arthurs reaction would be similar to what we got in the canon reveal, because the actual magic isnt what would hurt most. it would be the lies. Arthur has been lied to and betrayed by so many people you cant really expect him not to react badly to being lied to. the magic sure would confuse him and put him in a difficult position, because you have to keep in mind that his entire life he has been told that magic is pure evil, and to him, merlin is the polar opposite of that. i think it would just make him question everything, like does he even know this man? has he won any of his battles or has it always been merlin? why is he in camelot? why would a sorcerer be serving him? but he wouldnt hurt him. he wouldnt even consider that imo, sure, he will demand an explanation, but he wouldnt actually thin about hurting him.

and merlin would understand why hes angry about the lying, that much is obvious. and he would be reluctant to tell arthur about the things that were happening behind his back all those years, but he would be honest. and go that conversation would be hard for both of them, i cant really imagine them having it without a lot of crying, shouting and even more wine tbh. arthur isnt good at listening which is why this would be so hard for him too, but merlin has to be honest, completely honest with arthur for the first time in his life and thatd be difficult.

and i think merlin would handle arthurs reactions well, even if arthur decided to lose his temper lol. but i can still imagine him being a bit bitter if arthur judged his choices and stuff when it came to poisoning morgana and freeing the dragon, asking what on earth HE would do in that situation. where the only choices he sees are bad ones, and he has to pick the one thats least evil.

arthur would probably be most pissed off at the thing about his mother tbh, because merlin outright lied there, usually its just deflecting but he made that deliberate choice to lie. but i really do think he would understand all of this, while not every choice merlin did was good, he did it with good intention.

and then arthur would remove the ban on magic and they would kiss and get married amd live happily ever aft-

thanks bbc.

anyway if you want any more magic reveal fics (or links to the ones i mentioned, ao3 can be bloody annoying sometimes) feel free to comment or message me or anything, i have a couple more in my bookmarks.

thanks for reading this rant, scuse the bad grammar, id love to hear your thoughts and opinions on this and magic reveals in general so feel free to comment! have a great day<3

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everlarkficquestions · 3 years

Text

Sunday Stumped Day 35

It’s another Sunday Stumped Day!

Sometimes we straight out get stumped. So every few months we will pick a Sunday when we’ll post of a list of asks that we need your help on.

In this round, we are focusing on asks for specific stories. If your ask for a more general “type of” story is not included, it does not mean we are ignoring it, it just means we need more time to research and answer these asks.

If you know the answer to any of these asks please shoot us a message/ ask/ with the Post number and the fic details and we’ll add it and give you a shout out with our thanks. Any links you can provide will also be super helpful.

Thanks!

Post 1 , Post 2 , Post 3, Post 4, Post 5, Post 6, Post 7, Post 8, Post 9, Post 10, Post 11, Post 12, Post 13, Post 14, Post 15, Post 16, Post 17, Post 18, Post 19, Post 20, Post 21, Post 22 , Post 23, Post 24, Post 25, Post 26, Post 27, Post 28, Post 29 , Post 30, Post 31, Post 32, Post 33 and Post 34 can be found here - and there are still fics we need your help with.

576. Anonymous said to everlarkficquestions: Hi, I am searching everlarkfic that I read couple years ago in ff.net. Post mockingjay, Katniss and Peeta are getting married then when they’ll rebuild Peeta's family bakery, peeta got collapse and they find out that he was dying. In the end peeta died. Annie and Katniss's mother had to move Katniss to district 4 to taking care of her. In district 4, Katniss met with gale and they were slowly building relationships from there?

577. its-hopeless-romantic said to everlarkficquestions: Hey,I am looking for fic in which Peeta is Katniss's college professor (he is 10 years older than her) and they fall in love. He is teaching history of art and I remember he invited her to the opening of his galery. I remembre that he goes to Italy to teach for a few months and before that he introduces her to his family. I think it has 2 long chapters in second one there is his proposal. (It's called Lessons in Love or something like, but I can't find it)thanks 💕💕💕

578. alwayseverlark said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! Looking for a in Panem fic (I think no games) , where Peeta is working in the mines and an accident happens and Katniss is looking for him thinking he’s dead , but Gale thinks she wa s looking for him instead and when he realizes , he’s mad at Katniss.I am not sure if this is one fic... or if I’m mixing two different fics...Thansk!

579. stonyspideypool said to everlarkficquestions:I'm looking for a fanfic were I think katniss wants peeta to take control/be more dominant so she calls johanna and johanna tells her that peeta would never force himself on her and he has dealt with so much blue balls over the years that he's used to it or something (lmao) sorry that's all I remember 😅😅Love the page btw💙❤ literally its the only reason I'm on tumblr, thank you💕

580. amesielee said to everlarkficquestions:Hi I'm looking for a fanfic. It's either a one shot 2 shot or 3 shot and it's about Peeta and Katniss having sex. It's their first time and once it's over Peeta grabs a wash cloth for Katniss to help her out. She then gets mad and assumes he has done it before with Delly. I think Peeta didn't know it was her first time. And Peeta says maybe we are just good together. He then asks if she loves him. It's on Tumblr. I hope you can help xx

581. booksandeverlark said to everlarkficquestions:Hi there! Another story I remember reading but can’t think of the title. I know Leeta is older then Katniss. Peeta knew Katniss’ Parents and is their age. Katniss likes Peeta and Peeta keeps telling her he’s too old for her but she doesn’t care. They start to date and Katniss dad finds out before they can tell and eggs mad. I think Peeta also gets hurt protecting Katniss and how she reacts makes her dad see they are serious. Thanks so much for the help

582. everlark-always said to everlarkficquestions:Trying to find a fic...modern au where katniss is with her friends (Annie Johanna Finnick Gale madge....) at a party and they find her the next morning in bed with Peeta?

(582) This could be I Dare You (To Stay) by Thewritershae - thank you @allie-rose

583. justanotherrandomaccount9999 said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! Do you know of a fic where it the story is about each time peeta ruins a cake? I read it before but forgot the title. The last time was when he made Katniss a cake for her birthday but dropped it when she said she was pregnant. Thanks for everything you've done for this fandom btw :)

584. pleasantturtletheorist-blog said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! So this might be a tricky one (bc I don’t remember much of the plot lol) but basically in this fic Peeta was like “don’t deny me post-sex cuddles” or something along those lines hahah. And I remember the scene being really cute but I can’t remember much else about it. I know this is very vague but if you could help I’d really appreciate it!! 🥺🥺

(584) This is possibly Blowout by Annieoakley1. - Thanks to @sunsetsrmydreams

585. yeeyeejones73 said to everlarkficquestions:Hello:) I was wondering if y’all know the name of a fic where it’s canon post mockingjay and everlark is growing back together slowly. I remember peeta gets a boner while Katniss and him are sleeping. I also think Peeta accidentally sees Katniss in only her towel after a shower and it’s super cute and awkward. I hope y’all can help and also thanks for all y’all do!

586. superpineappleenthusiast said to everlarkficquestions:Hey, I'm looking for a fic where the tributes of 74th games escape the arena. Thanks!

587. anonymous-loner95 said to everlarkficquestions:What the fic where Peeta thinks he's about to sleep with some random girl, which I think is actually is Jo, but is tricked into a room with Katniss?

588. thatgirl56834 said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! First of all, I love this blog! You guys rock! I’ve been looking for a one shot I used to read all the time. It was where Katniss and Peeta were friends in middle school and kissed after their dance but then Katniss moved away. Years later they ended up being neighbors and getting together. Peeta lied about who he was at first but then Katniss figured it out. If you know what this fic is, I’d love to read it again! 💗

588 FOUND! Wishes Old and New by Peetasbunmyoven. Thank you, @sunsetsrmydreams and @allie-rose

589. neonsnail said to everlarkficquestions:Hey I'm looking for a fic where peeta meets katniss and she has some kind of vision that if she gets pregnant prim dies and tries to stay away from peeta but she fails and then she sleeps with peeta to try to get pregnant and fails then disappears and they meet again a few years later and become a couple

589 FOUND! The story ha been identified as The Fool by Myusernamehere but unfortunately it has been deleted by the author. Thank you @katnissdoesnotfollowback

590. everlark-always said to everlarkficquestions: what’s the fic where Peeta cheats (post mockingjay) on Katniss and because of this she ends up with someone else?

591. everlark-always said to everlarkficquestions: Peeta and Katniss are in highschool and Peeta goes to prom with Madge and Katniss goes with Gale. She wears a burgundy dress and at the pre prom thing she meets an old friend from home named Josh.

592. tributeintraining said to everlarkficquestions:I'm looking for a specific fanfic I read years ago. It's a modern AU where Katniss and Gale are in a band together. Katniss is the guitarist and doesn't sing. Gale is married to Madge but was having an affair with Katniss. The public finds out and she leaves the band. She goes solo and starts a PR relationship with Peeta. Her first solo performance is singing "Shake it out". That's all I remember. Thank!

593. supreme-doritos said to everlarkficquestions:Hi! im looking for a fic where the rebellion happens early and the capitol gets overthrown before the 74th hunger games by a tribute (then victor) from district 7. At one point katniss and peeta (who lost his leg in the bombing) look after haymitch but he ends up killing himself so they don't starve during a really harsh winter. Before he dies he asks katniss to give chaff a naked lady mug/glass (i cant remember the name lol sorry) Thank you! I really appreciate you guys <3

593 FOUND! The Avalanche And Little Pebbles by Dyce - thanks to @eggplant8

594. entwodreiquatrocinq-blog said to everlarkficquestions: So i'm looking for this fanfic I read once on FF.net. Peeta and Katniss are intimate in the catching fire arena, and later in district 13, she finds out that she pregnant. Peeta is either in a coma or captured and one of his brothers survived. I believe there is a fight between Katniss and the brother, and he says something like "just because you f'ed my brother in front of the entire country doesn't mean....." That's all I remember, I hope it's specific enough. :)

(594) Possibly The Sharp Edge of Memory by Titania522 - thanks @eggplant8

595. lettrsto said to everlarkficquestions:hi guys!! i can't remember for shit the name of this one shot, i guess it was written for promptsinpanem, where katniss dates gale, but haymitch hates his guts so k&g make a deal w peeta so katniss fake dates peeta while she's actually dating gale behind haymitch's back. can you guys give some help, pretty please? does it ring any light? thank you!!!!

(595) FOUND by the asker! Yours And Mine by Andthisisthewonder

596. jonerys-everlark said to everlarkficquestions:I remember a fanfic where Katniss and Peeta were in the 74th games when Katniss learns that Peeta is with the Careers, she remembers him telling her something (I think) but I know that she then waits until they are gone, and says to the audience something to the effect of , “I have something to say... he has not betrayed me, he is protecting me, as to his confession in the interview, I’m still trying to decide how I feel about it” or something like that, basically, she knows he is on her side an

Do any of these fics ring a bell? Please let us know!

#+#mod post #sunday stumped day #ssd 35 #we're stumped #576-596

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p1nkwitch · 3 years

Text

@lonelyeyesweek

Day 1 - First Meeting

Peter was very reluctant to go to the Magnus institute funding party; uncle Nathaniel informed him that one of his new duties would be to make business with James Wright and he really didn't want to do that. A beholder… What a nightmare.

I would've stayed at home

'Cause I was doin' better alone

The party was unfortunately the most informal way to meet the man, otherwise he would be forced to enter a small room with the watcher to make sure he didn't dry up his family money for an indefinite amount of time.

So he was really dreading the moment he would be meeting this man, Simon kept telling him that James was an old friend and that it would be fine, that he was actually funny beneath all the politeness, however he wasn't so sure about that.

Due to Simon’s and his uncle’s influence he has a very loose idea of some boring old man, a type of academic with a nondescript look that he will forget as soon as he leaves.

With any luck he would just make his acquaintance today and then he may go from the party, Peter preferred to be at home instead of dilly dallying with the masses. As much as he likes to observe people, he likes it better when it's on his own terms and when he is not forced to be part of an event.

So he goes with very little hope for the night, the only positive is that he may get some free food and some alcohol, albeit champagne will not do much for him.

The moment Simon sees him, he zeroes on him and stays nearby talking about his trips to Europe. He also tells him about a few sacrifices he made that actually seemed rather interesting. Still Peter preferred the ones he committed at the ocean, but he knew the man was always more partial to the sky so its not surprising they are all on that vein.

“What about you Captain? You have a few voyages under your belt now lad, how did those go? Were they to your liking?” And the answer to that is a bit complicated, Peter is still getting used to handling a ship, his crew hasn't been properly trained yet to keep themselves in check so he has to… ugh make a few rules.

The other problem is that most of his crew is formed of older, more experienced sailors. Peter is 26 and unfortunately has a rather… soft looking face, he has been trying to grow a beard to at least make himself look a bit more rugged or older looking, but that will take time and he just has a five o’clock shadow for now. It will take him months to have anything resembling what he wants. The graying hair does work a bit better, that he can count for at least.

He is considering hiring someone to relay his messages to, so that way he can stay away most of the time and he can practice his solitude in peace. He really would love to not be perceived until he looks like he wants.

“Its ok, I still need to figure out a few things to be honest, I would love it if the crew was a bit less…”

“Talkative?”

“Friendly” Simon nods at him and pats his shoulder before going back to another story of a trip he made like 250 years ago. It is quite interesting, albeit Peter gets struck with how old the man is. Most of the time he can forget it, easy to do when Simon is so lively, but when he tells him these stories…. hard to ignore in all honesty.

Picking up an offered champagne glass he listens distractedly wondering when he will meet the man organizing this whole charade.

The older man talks to him but at some point his sentence drifts off and he looks behind him with a grin. A bit lost and now concerned, those grins never end up well for him, Peter turns back to check what exactly was his companion watching.

The answer comes to him like a hit to the face.

An older man talking and entertaining several people at the same time, Peter doesn't realize that he was gripping his glass very tightly until Simon waves and calls for the man over.

He wasn't boring looking like his uncle or very, very old like Simon. He must be in his fifties, he was dressed up impeccably with a black shirt that had his sleeves rolled out to his elbows, a deep green vest with golden details and dark green pants.

The man also has a pencil moustache and a few moles near his jaw, which made him stand out. He was also a bit shorter than him, but most people are so that doesn't surprise him.

The air of surety, of knowing he had made him feel bigger than he was however.

Peter swallows and feels his face warm up for reasons he can't comprehend.

When the man turns around towards Simon, he can see his eyes-

Grey.

Peter never looks anyone to their eyes and yet, and yet-

For a second it feels as if the man also froze looking at him, he had a look of….surprise almost?

But it was only for a second, the next thing Peter knows is that the man starts to approach them while he is struggling to not disappear in a puff of smoke. Oh, Forsaken protect him.

“Hello Simon” His voice is very low and amused, oh fuck.

“Hello James!! It's been a while hasn't it?” Ja-

James?

“You are James Wright?” Peter cuts off the man before he answers back to Simon and he realizes that he is an idiot, shit-

No wonder he was so eye-catching then.

…

For some reason James' lips twitch upwards as if he was trying not to smile at something. Peter has no way to know what is so funny.

“You must be Peter Lukas then? Nathaniel… told me about you, its a pleasure to meet you” Peter smiles his usual vapid smile to keep him from prying, he already feels exposed and kind of confused about the man. Better to make this quick and go.

“Yes, uncle mentioned you too, albeit he did not do you justice” ???? What the fuck is he doing, what is wrong with him??? Why did he say that??

Peter feels his hands sweat and his face warm up, he is praying he is not red in the face.

James looks perplexed and he feels Simon staring at him with the biggest grin ever as if he was having the time of his life which knowing him, he probably did, he loves drama after all.

“Is that so?” The man crosses his arms and Peter has to keep himself from staring at the flex of it he has to.

What the hell is wrong with him?

“Yes! He made you sound like a boring old man to be honest, but you are quite the opposite, you look very-” Peter spends a lot of time alone, meaning he doesn't properly talk with people. His usual mechanism of defense is to talk so much that everyone just lets him be.

That translates into him not having a filter, because of that he just says what is on his mind, even if he knows he shouldn't. In this case it is a shot in the foot and he has no idea why, why is he reacting like this? The man is-

Is just a bit good looking thats all!! No need to be so nervous.

“...Good” His face is burning, Peter knows he must be red all over.

He is an embarrassment to the family name, he has to go, he has to go now. How is he going to face him to do business oh shit-

James for his part seems to look at him with something akin to wonder an a bit of curiosity, while Simon-

Simon for his part is sighing mentally about his nephew’s taste in man. Very on brand for a Lukas, albeit Jonah seems to be quite taken aback.

Peter might look like Mordechai but they are not alike at all.

“Well thank you Mister Lukas”

“Peter is alright” Why won't he shut uppppp, what is wrong with him? This has never happened before, a little bit more and he will spontaneously combust.

James smiles at him and something in his chest squeezes. Is he dying? Is his heart giving out on him so soon?

“Well Peter, it was lovely meeting you. I can't wait to make business with you. I'm sure we will get along… very well”

“I can't wait” !!!!!! He wants to die.

Peter is going out to sea for the next 4 months just to get rid of whatever this is.

James grins at him and is about to leave, making him let out a breath of relief when he turns slightly.

“Say… I was going to ask Simon to drink with me after the party, in my office. Would you like to join us?” No!

“Sure” The man gives him a smug look and goes.

Simon pats his back.

“You need to get better at flirting, albeit i do believe you impressed him quite a bit, he usually ignores all the Lukas that come to make business with him”

“Im going to kill myself” He hates his life so much.

“Ah lad don't be like that, its just a few drinks, it doesn't have to go anywhere else”

Several years and flings with the man later. Peter is left with only grief at James sudden passing. They had something of a thing going on, not really labeled, since neither liked that. But the man suddenly broke things up and Peter in his anger left for months on end.

By the time he came back he found out James died and he had a new replacement.

Elias Bouchard.

He hates him on principle.

Peter is cold with him at every little meeting, speaks just as necessary and goes before the man even attempts to chat him up. At least he has his own loneliness, the only thing that truly lasts for him.

It sings out to him, like a siren song, it's easier to get lost on it, to just… become colder and harsher. What else should he do? It's not like Peter could ever love someone like that again.

Or want to.

“-ter, Peter!!”

“What do you want Mr Bouchard?” The younger man was glaring at him and it feels unfair, he should be the one glaring.

“I was asking you if you intend to stop being difficult and listen to me for once! I swear i get you lonely ones love playing at the grief stricken partner, but its been months already im getting tired of trying to talk to you like pulling teeth. Listen- i know i was kind of an ass, but really i needed to do the switch and i was worried a bit about people talking about some favouritism-” What the hell is he on about now??? Also how dare he!

“What- are you talking about? I'm not faking- what are you-!? Listen, I'm not up for games, let alone your games. I have better things to do than be your little entertainment, give me the papers to sign and I will be on my way, off of your life-” Elias gets up and slams his hands on the desk making him flinch.

“That attitude!! I don't want you out of my way!!! I said what I said as James because I was going to change bodies and people were talking about our relationship too much, it would look odd when I became Elias and we hooked up again!!”

Peter freezes.

“What- what do you mean became Elias?” The man who is not Elias??? Narrows his eyes and then suddenly looks surprised and confused.

“You don't know-”

“What do you-”

“How can you not know I told you- i-” Elias? Drifts off and looks to the empty room with a blank expression.

“I forgot to tell you”

“Um-”

“I thought i told you after- oh, oh fuck we ended up sleeping together after sacrificing that woman at the restaurant, i got distracted and-”

Peter starts to piece together a few things.

“James…?” Elias flops on his chair covering his face and doing a muffled scream into his hands.

“I can believe i forgot i got so excited that you let me tie you up that i completely forgot” Peter’s face burns.

“I-”

“Yes, yes it's me, I thought you were being difficult not that you- oh my god you actually were grieving me weren't you? You sap” His face turns smug, and it's so familiar-

The eyes-!

“Yes, those are really mine”

“You-!” Peter wants to punch him.

“Me?” Elias already closes his eyes expecting a punch. Yet he side steps the desk, comes closer and pulls him up to his feet by his tie.

“If you- you want to choke me-” He shuts him with a kiss. It takes a bit to register on the other’s mind because once he does he grips his hair and pulls them closer practically melting against him. Peter doesn't stop kissing him, cnat.

“You twat-” In between kisses he curses him out, he was making the rounds across his neck, decided that he was going to leave pretty little marks for everyone to see. Elias? James? Doesn't seem to mind much.

“Sorry-”

“You- fucking- bloody- ass!!” A bite close to the jugular has him moan a bit, Peter’s hands go to grip his thighs and the other catches his meaning because he lets him lift him up. He carries him to the small couch and drops him there with an ompf-

“Hey-” That he interrupts when he climbs on top of him and starts to kiss him again with a very clear intention in mind.

“Oh…” Yes, Peter is glad he can use forsaken to soundproof the room, he had no intentions to let the other be quiet.

Now that he is not upset, angry or… turned on, Peter lays his head on top of Elias' chest, while he explains the whole being Jonah Magnus, and thinks that he is very handsome.

Not in the same way as James was, no, but he was still very handsome.

“I was leaning more into pretty but unassuming, but thank you for the vote of confidence for the new body” What a smug prick.

“He is not…?”

“God no, only fragments or echos, the real Elias is very dead, its just me”

“Jonah?” Elias nods at his question.

“Basically”

“Huh” The shorter man’s hands play with his hair making him nuzzle his neck. He thinks about it for a bit, but decides to go for it, after all he has gotten this far anyways “Pleasure to meet you Jonah”

The other stays quiet for a bit.

“Pleasure to meet you Peter”

Their relationship is not conventional or normal by anyone's standards, but…

It works.

Somewhat.

“So… I got you so distracted you forgot to tell me huh?” Elias sighs.

“I can show you exactly how enticing you looked to me to make me forget, do not tempt me” Feeling his face heat up he tries to play it off.

“Maybe when we are in an actual bed and want to experiment a bit” Elias chuckles and then turns into a full blown laugh that makes him feel the rumble of it against his ear.

“I can't believe this, but i missed you” He hears Elias heart speed up while admitting that to him, it makes his face warm up.

Peter knows he missed him too, but he wont admit that, too out of character. So instead...

“Will take that with me, feels delicious”

“Oh hush, you already cannibalized yourself, don't be a prick”

Yes, he definetly missed this bastard and he will have so much fun re-aquitaining to him properly. They are closer in age now, Peter’s body is a bit older than Elias now, just 6 years, but it feels good.

This time people will give Elias looks instead of him, Peter’s gray hair and beard made him look older.

“You are impossible Peter”

“Stop reading my mind then” Elias sighs and kisses the top of his head hesitantly.

“Don't make it so easy then” Peter lets out a breath.

Prick.

"Never"

"Rude, what a rude person you are" Peter nuzzles him and that shuts him up.

Better.

#lonelyeyesweek #lonelyeyesweek2021 #james wright #simon fairchild #elias bouchard #lonelyeyes #peterelias #peter lukas

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phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess · 3 years

Text

Concept: RED Spy is down, his watch damaged and the knife blasted from his hand by a clever strike from a BLU. His ribs ache from the force of being hurled bodily into the unforgiving soil of Teufort’s rocky ground, and he grits his teeth into a snarl.

He can fight without his knife, he lived this long as a Spy prior to this whole mess of a contract... but it would not be easy. His ankle feels damaged, twisting as he rolled and Spy curses at the misfortune; still, his arms were hale enough to enact a chokehold when the opportunity arose.

The sun disappears as looming shadows block the light, and hearty chuckles linger in the air, the malice behind the sound sending a shudder through the espionage agent. He understood, this was... well, it was personal to a degree, if he had a downed BLU then of course he would think nothing of enacting some quick revenge for a past death/insult.

But it was also their job. He hoped to take at least one down with him, if possible... but it would not be the end of the world to die here and now, later he could hunt them down and delight in the gurgled screams as his butterfly knife pierced their spinal columns.

Blood dribbled slowly from the shallow indentations in his bottom lip wheren a few teeth had pierced accidentally during the heavy impact. Spy’s tongue darted out automatically to catch it, equally thrilled and revolted by the taste of the coppery substance...

He grunts as a heavy Texan boot digs into his side, and two voices laugh uproariously as if the world’s wittiest joke had just been exchanged. They would pay for tha-...

His vision flashes sharply a second later, pain radiating through his face like an explosion as a steel-capped boot makes contact; without even consciously registering it, Spy knows his nose is broken. That was a sensation he had become all too familiar with in the past.

He cries out as something heavy crunches down on his legs, efectively trapping him.

“Aw, don’t be such a wuss Spah, I manage to carry that around when it’s full all’a the time!” the BLU engineer coos, his expression worryingly unhinged, though not unfamiliar... the RED Engineer had made the same face a truly disconcerting number of times in the past.

Indeed, the toolbox weighed more than one would suspect, and if his ankle had not been shattered before, it certainly was now. There was only one solution, if he could but find it... where was his-...?

“Oh laddie, don’t go looking for your pretty little pistol... our spook went and knicked that when ye blacked out for a second, like the delicate little crossaint ye are.” BLU Demo taunted, crouching down over the RED.

Spy did not recall blacking out, but that’s not generally a good sign...

“You are, as ever, outclassed here, mon frier.” came a smug voice so like his own that it irritated to no end, as the BLU Spy faded into visibility.

If this had been the first death of the day, or even the twelfth, then perhaps he would not have stopped trying to find a solution. Beady blue eyes darting subtly around until some ingenious escape plan came to light and he could be freed from this mess...

But it wasn’t, and he was so, so very tired. Between the Pyro, Sniper and a number of rather lucky swipes from the BLU Medic, Spy had been dying all day long. He would love for this to end quickly... but given the location, and the unlikelihood of help arriving in time to curb the enthusiasm of the currently losing team surrounding him... Spy felt that things were not in his favour this day.

Hovering gently across the room, the intel gleamed innocuously, cruelly. A beacon that lured them all to their deaths day in, day out on these damn capture the flag campaigns; a beloved sight for both the teams’ benefactors.

And so they died, day after day, for nothing more than a glowing briefcase with an ever-changing array of useless paper inside. Why, last week there had been a recipe for some fried chicken with eleven herbs and spices... useless, though Engineer had been eager to try it, as had another fried chicken afficiando on the team.

The week before? A number of magazines, a short story about some science fiction show he was certain may have been written by one of the Pyros, and a crudely drawn map to different households that Spy could not make heads or tails of...

A slap snapped him back to reality, sending fresh waves of sizzling pain through his face as the damage to his nose once again took his full focus.

“Looks as if he’s back with us again.” BLU Spy said, radiating smugness from every pore as he flicked out his knife with unnecessary flourishes. “Good evening Monsieur, seeing as you will be staying with us for some time, I would hope you will be an obbliging guest... and not miss out on the festivities. Such as,” he said, pointing the blade directly at a blue pupil, “when I remove your eye from its socket, hmmm?”

“Hey, I called dibs on ‘im first boyo.” BLU Demo exclaims, swatting at the blade-wielding hand, and trying not to look too pleased as it scored a deep groove across Spy’s face. Spy hisses at him through clenched teeth, loathing the man. “He needs those eyes to see what ol’ eyelander and I are gonna do tae him, aye?”

“Just don’t go hogging him, I’ve had to rebuild a dozen sentries today because of him. Not to mention my back’s achin’ somethin’ fierce from all the damn backstabbing the little red weasel’s gotten away with.” BLU Engie interjected, groaning as he stretched, fingers and spine making awful audible pops. The man flexed his gloved hand and the mechanical whirring sent chill straight down the Spy’s spine. “Now see, I’m thinkin’ that fair’s fair only if’n I get to pull yours right on out of that body of yours. Whatcha think about that, you filthy RED?”

It would technically fall under ‘fair’, but not anything Spy particularly wanted to experience. Before he could open his mouth in his own defence, with a smooth ‘Gentlemen, please...’ the mechanical fist slammed in from the side. Bile rose automatically in his throat at the sensation of a tooth dislodging and blood filling his mouth. The BLUs seemed wildly unhinged today, beyond their normal bloodlust... but they had lost all week long, so they may be getting sanctions and penalties from the Administrator.

His head whirled. When was the last time he’d had more than a few hours sleep this week? The last time he drank some actual water or ate something substantial? Maybe he wouldn’t be in this mess if he’d not insisted on skipping the team lunch during ceasefire, in order to do some covert surveillance in the enemy intel.

Consciousness flickered.

There were delighted but angry voices jabbering back and forth about ‘waiting their turn’, and ‘going a little easy to start because the french fry had to last’...

And then, there was screaming.

It was almost like a bad horror movie, with the sounds of screaming, crunching and swearing flickering in and out. Little snippets of a full scene that he could not comprehend as his battered head swam...

In the sudden silence, loud and grotesque for the heaviness of it, all that could be heard was a sharp, angry series of breaths.

Spy blinked frantically, trying to ascertain what had happened, trying to cling to the here and now when all his body & mind wished for was to give in to the swirling darkness.

A figure coalesced before him, eyes seeming to glow with a feral light, body and bat completely splattered with blood and gore, expression half in shadow.

“S-Sco-...?” Spy tried to get the word out around damaged molars and a outhful of blood. Everything throbbed, but the silence was a symphony of hope to his ears.

“Don’t worry, they won’t fuckin’ touch you again, Spy. I got ‘em.” growled an unusually serious Scout, his fist shaking around the bat’s handle. He seemed frozen, a figure in a portrait surrounded by the broken corpses of the BLUs, uncertain what to do next.

A wheezey exhalation from Spy seemed to snap the runner out of it, and he knelt to shove against the toolbox pinioning the espionage agent to the ground. It clunked to the ground with a heavy metallic finality, and Spy sighed at the sudden freedom.

“Ya look like shit, Spook, so we gotta get ya out of here before those guys fall outta respawn lookin’ for revenge.”Scout says, mouth running while his eyes dart over the mess that the normally immaculate espionage agent made. He slips an arm under Spy and they slowly work the man into a sititng position.

Ankle’s definitely shattered, Spy notes with a true lack of enthusiasm.

“Scout... just prop me against the wall there and take the intel. Once it is secured, they cannot touch me anyway, as the humiliation round will keep me safe.”

“And just who the fuck do you think you are ordering me about like that?” Scout objects, eyes never once leaving Spy’s face.

“Someone who wants to win as much as I do?” Spy hazards.

Scout leans back on his haunces, crouched by Spy. He tilts his head, “Ya a real bastard, ya know that? I don’t care about the intel, we gotta get you outta here. But if it means that much to ya...”

In a frankly ridiculously fluid movement, Scout is up, across the room and back again before Spy could blink. The intel snapped to his back like a magnet.

Spy is hauled to his feet with minimal protestations, an arm over Scout’s shoulders and the runner’s other one about his waist. The majority of his bodyweight was resting on the runner, and Spy felt rather despondent about their chances of surviving like this.

He said so.

“The others are coming, don’t worry about it.” Scout grinned.

Heavy machinegun fire could be heard above near the BLU spawn, along with delighted maniacal laughter. The REDs were here, and judging by the beeping of a sentry, they were spawncamping like no tomorrow.

“See? We got this. So don’t worry about it.” Scout shrugs as they begin the slow ascent up the corridor and hiopefully towards a dispenser. Spy lurching along and trying to think of other things as each jostling movement created little discomforts.

In a momentary pause, he looks to the runner. “Merci, mon... fils.”

The words felt too big for such a narrow corridor to hold all at once.

Scout laughed, half in delight and half from awkward nervousness. “Yeah, yeah, you better thank me. I saved ya butt in there!”

They continued hobbling towards the rest of RED for a long moment, before Scout said, looking anywhere but at Spy. “Don’t worry about it... Dad... I got ya.”

Spy could not help but smile through a mouth of bloody, broken teeth. Suddenly, the world felt a little brighter...

The End

#tf2 #scout #spy #dadspy #fic list #random idea i had just now

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personafanfic · 3 years

Note

Okay after reading your angsty Bitter Sweet goodbye, I need some fluffy Unus and Annus x reader content please. Like them just walking about on a normal day holding hands with reader in between them? Or cuddling on their shared bed or something 🥺

Haha awww of course Anon! Yeah it was kinda my trying to let go story, definitely didn’t work, so I need this as much as you 😂

So sorry this took a while! I ended up writing a bunch of stuff but decided I wanted it as a separate headcanon for them so there is like 4 Headcanons for Unus annus coming out eventually just from this 😂

Fluffy Unus Annus here you are 💕💕 I might do Unus Annus Fluff Alphabet soon but for now here is general highlight reels of the relationship

Ahh Also I wasn't sure if you wanted a Drabble or a Scenario or Headcanons so I just did random fluffy relationship headcanons. I will hopefully get Request Rules out soon but this is what I did for now. IM SO SORRY IF THIS ISNT WHAT YOU MEANT

-Okay well I’m not sure if I made this clear or not but in my headcanins but this is a Vee relationship. Meaning you are involved with both romantically and sexually but not to each other. Like an open triangle or the letter V.

-Theres always the little things in the relationship. You all appreciate and notice different things.

-They both loved how before each video they had to be in you would make sure their suit was perfect. That nothing was tucked in the sleeves weren't rolled and that their tie was perfect.

-They’ll always ‘fight’ for who goes last because that person gets the most time with you. You’ll pull their tie to make them come towards you at the end and it just makes there non existent hearts✨Flutter✨ like oh my god.

-And when I say non existent I mean physically their hearts do not exist. Both of them have a heart of gold. They ACTUALLY melt, they will lean forward and just try to lean on you.

-The two are so creepy though without meaning to be. Like Coraline creepy tho. (Shoutout to Coraline for being my comfort movie)

-Like y’all could be cuddling and talking and all of the sudden you guys might be talking about death or endings, you know, the whole reason they’re there, and you’re not quite sure if you’re gonna stay cuddling or if your about to be ??murdered?? Like, you don’t feel as if your in danger AT ALL but like uhh “…You guys aren’t gonna kill me for your cult, are you??” “ITS NOT A CULT!”

-Annus is the king of doing shit for you but acting like he has NO idea what you're talking about and then refusing to look in your eyes for about a half an hour until you guilt him into looking in your eyes because like, he can't not look into your beautiful eyes

-Unus is the snuggle MASTER ahhhhhhhhHhHHhHHHHHHH. God he will cuddle you SO MUCH. Unless you ask him not to of course. But your warm body against his basically dead body, he is in loveeeeee.

-“I want kids.” “How about a sea monkeys and if you do good with that for a while, like three years, we will SEE about a goldfish.” “They…they only live for two years…” “Well you better figure it out if you want that goldfish.”

-You love talking about the future with them. They are a lil uhhh hesitant. On one hand you talking about the future makes them feel like a FUCKING GOD on the other how are you so sure there will be a future with them.

-Not that they plan on leaving but like there is always a possibility no matter how diligent and careful your are. You know that, by why dwell on only possibilities plus it’s really funny to have Annus’ chaotic god like energy just disappear to your dreamlike fixation.

-Im sorry but can we talk about how if you guys are ever out in public, they will walk right behind you, next to each other, in sync. It looks like you have your own gang! If you were to just see them walking and you don’t talk to them they can be VERY intimidating.

-One time you snapped your fingers and everyone around you looked on edge while they were just confuzzled. Why would you snap your fingers?? And then theres the man a few steps away from you three waiting a bit to see if he needs to call the authorities.

-They can't ALWAYS be here, even if they wanted to. They do have a reason to be there plus sometimes they need to rest so if they know they won't be around or able to contact you they’ll leave sticky notes around the house about the things they love about you, complements, inspirational quotes etc.

-There are so many ups and downs with these two but one thing is for sure. Being with them is so much fun and has had such a difference that you’re not even thinking of tomorrow but whats happening then and there.

✘✘✘✘✘✘✘✘✘✘✘✘✘

Request are Open

Masterlist

I hope you enjoyed

Just a reminder ANNUS IS NOT MARK AND UNUS IS NOT ETHAN they have their own physical form they can get whenever they want. It takes energy to do so, so they rest spiritually (AKA their non physical form and what they actually are) in the minds of their host (AKA Ethan and Mark) No one has actually gotten it confused it is just Very important to me that everyone understands this, if any questions just ask in the asks.

#unus annus fanfic #unus annus fanfiction #unus annus head canons #unus x reader x annus #unus annus x reader #unus annus #unus annus headcanons #Unus and Annus x reader

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kaori-flowers · 3 years

Text

Nikki and Ranboo my all time favorite siblings :)

Also I wrote some shit. It might be sad idk. Idk what people find sad and not sad. Sorry!!

♡

Nikki stood silently next to the others, and she kept her posture straight as she could. Her back was aching and her chest was hurting from the words that were being said. She held her composer, and kept her face dry but she was really hurting. Both physically and emotionally. Nikki glanced at the L'manburg tree and then the rest of the group. Her heart tightened more as the memories of this place resurfaced. She looked down and away quickly, taking a slow deep breath.

"Nikki have you got something to say?"

Quackity had noticed her odd movements and the uncomfortable stiffness she had while standing straight. A few others looked at Nikki quickly, the mention of her name raised questions. To them Nikki was silent. Obedient. She did what she was told, sometimes speaking her opinion about it but still doing it. No one ever really second looked Nikki, just seeing her as a friendly person. That does what she's told..... all the time.....

"Um..."

Nikki was sick of it. She was not a shadow of Wilbur. She was not a shadow of anyone actually. She never will be, but that's what people see her as. It was wearing her down, and upsetting her more and more lately. Everything that was going on was so stressful and it put everyone on edge. So almost every little thing bothered Nikki now a days, especially since she was already extremely irritated. She just wanted to go home to her foxes and flowers, and relax away from all this pain. This war. The suffering. She didn't want to be a part of this anymore. So she decided that she wouldn't. She's her own person who is in control of her own life, and she's about retake control of it like she should.

"A-actually.... I do!"

Nikki moved quick, picking up the lava bucket with her bare hands. Before anyone could piece together what was happening, Nikki threw the bucket. It landed on a thick branch and dumped all down the side of the tree. The lava almost instantly burned the bark and flames errupted quickly, engulfing the tree. Nikki quickly kneeled and put her hands in snow as tears slid down her face. The lava bucket was insanely hot and definitely didn't let Nikki catch a break.

"Nikki!!"

"What the hell?!"

"What the fuck Nikki?????"

"Get water quickly!"

It was too late though because the lava was burning holes into the tree, and seeping inside it. Flames were raging inside the tree as the lava soaked into it slowly. The water seemed to just make the fire rage harder in anger at the attempt to stop it. Nikki looked up quickly as Tubbo walked towards her in an attempted strut. Nikki stood up and kept her hands held out in front of her gently. Tubbo stopped quickly and restrained himself from hitting her.

"Why. Did you. Do. That?! Are you a traitor just like Ranboo?!?!"

Nikki scoffed, rolling her eyes at Tubbo's question. She then gently flicked her head so the hair in her face would disappear. Tubbo crossed his arms and Nikki would have done the same if she could. But her hands are burnt. The others slowly encroached onto both of them, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Ranboo isn't even a traitor! He's just confused and new here! He doesn't understand that he can't live in peace and harmony with everyone. Im starting to agree with him though!"

"Nikki-"

"Shut up! You all need to shut up and listen! Okay?!"

Nikki never had such an outburst before, and it made everyone uncomfortable and surprised. Nikki was usually very silent and obedient to everything that was said or that went on. Suddenly now she decides to jump out of her shell and stand up for herself. She want's to be in control of her life from now on, rather than letting others control her. She is tired of being walked on and looked past.

"NONE of you care about me! None of yo-"

"We do!"

"No you don't! No one asks how I am. Or if I'm okay. No one even gives me a second glance, because I do what you all say! I'm letting you all run most of my life and it's horrible! I hate it! I hate this life that you all gave me!!"

Nikki's voice shook as anger and upsetness rushed through her heart, making her chest tighten. Everyone slowly looked around at each other awkwardly, feeling uncomfortable. No one here had ever seen Nikki so emotionally and defensive before. So it was extremely uncomfortable for them, and they had no clue what to do or really say. They were all used to her being obedient and doing what was asked with very little complaints. Out of everyone Nikki was the one that talked back the least. Until now of course...

"NONE of you are even my FRIENDS!! You only talk to me when you fucking need something. No one ever visits me. No one ever has a normal conversation with me."

"Nikki, I'm sorry i-"

"It's always about asking me to do something for you. Or to join your stupid fucking side. WHY should I even JOIN ANY sides?! NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME. NONE OF YOU ARE MY FRIENDS!"

Nikki's voice didn't bother to hide its emotion, shaking as her heart seemed to tighten in pain. Tears gracefully slid down her cheeks as she yelled at the people before her. Everyone around her was unnaturally silent now, unsure of what to do. None of them had EVER seen Nikki this upset or even crying like this. Tears were streaming down her cheeks in an almost constant flow. Nikki was so upset and she couldn't stop her tears or her voice from shaking. Her throat felt like it had a hard lump in it as she tried to hold back a choked sob. Her hands tried clearing her cheeks of tears but it was no use, because they just kept flowing like a river. She let out a shaky sigh and closed her hands the best she could.

"I am going home. I am no longer a part of this place or any of you. Do not contact me. You didn't care to begin with so do not pretend to care now."

"Nikki wait!"

"Don't touch me! I am DONE with all of you! This is my life and I'm going to live it how I want. I don't want to be your little.... little... SLAVE anymore. I hate all of you for not ever giving a shit about me!"

It was clear in her voice that her mind was made up, and the shock factor prevented anyone from trying to stop her. They all stood and stared in silence, watching her as if they had just seen a ghost. Which Nikki would now become a ghost, or at least a partial ghost. She wasn't gonna stay here anymore. So she was gonna end up as memory in the back of everyone's head. Just like what happened to all the others that left. They all ended up as a memory in the back of peoples head, occasionally popping up from time to time. Not something someone thinks about to begin with, but it manages to find it's way to the front of the mind.

"Are you okay?"

Ranboo wasn't good at whispering but Nikki was a little grateful he tried. He was late to the 'party' but caught the end of Nikki's speech. As her younger brother he worried greatly about her. Especially since her hands are severely burned, and tears were flowing down her cheeks like a river. She lightly smiled at him and nodded ever so slightly, linking arms with him gently. She lead him away from the people, and away from L'manburg. She was done with them. With that place. It was no longer a part of her and never would be ever again.

"Here, they can't see us."

Ranboo made her stop walking and pulled out his pocket first aid kit. She smiled lightly at the thought of her little brother carrying that around. Ranboo gently wrapped each of Nikki's hands with gauze after softly rubbing burn cream on them. Once both Nikki's hands were wrapped, she hugged Ranboo quickly and tightly. He stumbled for a second, surprised by the hug, but hugged her back right away. She closed her eyes and held onto him for a few minutes. Ranboo didn't mind and waited, as he would any other time. He figured she needed a hug and no matter how long it took he would hug her.

"So.... Does this mean I get to live with you now?"

Nikki's throat hurt immensely after she coughed out a few harsh laughs. Ranboo looked at her worried as she gently rubbed her throat. It wasn't too bad though, since she could still talk.

"Sure. We'll have to do some house renovations though."

She smiled softly, as she looked up at her tall brother. It took him a second to understand what she meant, but when he got it he smiled brightly. She hugged him again, this time a lot more gentler and less needy. Ranboo didn't hesitate to hug her back, resting his head ontop of hers. She sighed slowly and closed her eyes as she continued to hold him. Nikki was grateful she still had Ranboo. He seemed to the only one that actually ever cared about her feelings and well being. And even if he wasn't.... Well, now he truly was. He was all she had left now, except for her foxes of course.

"Come on, let's keep going. We have a long walk before we get home."

Ranboo gently nudged her back from the hug and gave her a light smile. She smiled back, nodding a little before linking arms with him again. They began walking the memorized path to Nikki's house quietly. Ranboo was constantly glancing over to make sure Nikki was still okay throughout the whole walk. He didn't exactly care about the house, more about Nikki. She was his only sister and probably always will be. She was so important to him and his mental health without her knowing.

"Thank you, Ranboo."

Her soft voice seemed to put his racing, panicked thoughts at ease. He smiled at her and nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Ranboo was a big softie when it came to his sister, and now it was all about her. He would do anything to protect her and if it meant making sure none of the people he thought were his friends come by.... Then so be it.

#mcyt fandom #mcyt #dream mcyt #dream smp #mcyt fanfiction #dream team #ranboo #ranboo mcyt #ranboo minecraft #nihaachu #nihacu #cc nikki #nihachu #nikki mcyt #kaori writes

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lovelymaybankk · 4 years

Text

midsummer - jj maybank

request - so can you do one where y/n is a kook /pogue like Kiara and they are at midsummers. JJ has a thing for y/n but she doesn’t know. Rafe and topper bring her alone in the Locker room to mess w her and have a reason to provoke jj. JJ comes in and tries to save you my fighting them, it is 5 against 1, so you help him fight and it rips y/n’s dress. Rafe talks shit and calls y/n a slut and finally y/n calms jj down after he wins the fight

a/n - I literally love this req actually sm wtf. its gonna be in lowercase again haha oopsies. and i changed 5v1 to 3v1 bc im cool

tw - swears, fighting, not necessarily a slow burn but it takes forever lol

w/c - 2.819

y/n sat at the edge of her queen sized bed, fingers running oh so carefully across the dress. the dress was a long, baby blue color which looked amazing with her eyes. the dress fell off her shoulders, a slit in the right leg. it fit her perfectly, complimenting her figure in the most amazing way. because of the tightness, she couldn’t wear a bra or else she may have died from how tight is was around her chest.

her legs dangled over the edge, barefoot trying her hardest to not touch the cold hardwood. the last place she wanted to go tonight was the midsummers party. but, growing up a kook life she had to go. thats the one thing about her life she hated. a kook.

a stupid name for being rich. she hated the title so much, that she had decided the past few months of her life to change. it happened the moment she met kiara.

“holy shit!” kiara ran across the beach, kicking sand up behind her. the two girls ran straight into eachother, falling backwards. y/n rubbed her forehead, looking up at the girl that she had crashed into. they looked at eachother the same way, realizing they somehow knew eachother. “you go to kook academy?” kiara finally spoke up, breaking the silence. and for a moment, she forgot what she was running from. y/n nodded, standing and helping the other girl.

y/n dusted the sand off her ass, looking back up at the girl. “kie! stop socializing with the kooks,” a boy hollered, running beside kiara and slapping her back before running again to two other boys. was it that obvious y/n was a kook?

“sorry about that,” kiara smiled to the obviously concerned girl. “thats my friend. hes a dick,” she whispered to y/n, which finally got a reaction from her.

“so, why’re you on the cut?” kiara asked, trying to start a conversation.

y/n shrugged, arms crossing over her chest. “can’t stand my family anymore.” she laughed, rocking from the balls of her feet to her toes. she felt awkward, having necessarily nobody to talk to. she hadn’t lied when she said she couldn’t stand being with her family anymore. all they did was criticise her, saying she had to be more like her sister who had a bunch of friends. while y/n stood mainly by herself with maybe one friend.

kiara nodded, glancing back at the boys who were waiting for her. “hey, do you know how to surfboard?” she asked suddenly, catching y/n off guard.

“yeah, a little.” y/n shrugged, still rocking a little.

“wanna come with my friends and i?”

thats where y/n met the rest of the group.

ever since that day, y/n had joined the friend group. she didn’t fit in immediately. the boys weren’t a fan of her being there when kiara introduced her, but eventually they came around. one more than others. jj thought she was gorgeous, a funny girl who broke out of her shell. but, she was a kook. and jj hates kooks. so he would always pick arguments with her, but y/n never took them to heart.

they got along well. jj always shared his beers with her, knowing she can’t handle as much alchohol as him. he was the most protective of her than anybody, never letting her out of his sight. it wasn’t hard for the pogues to see that he had a crush. everybody but the two knew about it.

when y/n finally fit in, it was like she was always there. her and kiara both agreed on how much they hated the kook life, though there were some upsides, being on the run was a lot more fun.

controlling your own life. it was amazing. refreshing. just being free.

the memory made y/n smile to herself, standing from her bed finally to finish whatever she had left of getting ready. she was going for kiara. the girl finished her makeup, sliding on the sandals she was wearing and going down the spiral stairs. she finished putting her earrings and entering the car with her family. they rode in silence, entering together and eventually everybody left to do their own thing.

“kie!” y/n called from across the porch, running to the girl and embracing her. “i already know i’m not gonna make it her for long,” she sighed dramatically, getting a slap from kie.

“don’t worry, your boyfriend will be here soon enough.” kie teased, arm draping around the girls shoulder like jj’s had done so many times. y/n’s face flushed, hard to tell under the makeup she wore. “oh y/n, be safe. i don’t want you getting hurt,” kie continued to mess with the girl, making her voice deep as to make fun of jj.

“oh shut up kie. you act like i don’t see the way pope and you eye fuck eachother.” y/n retorted, shaking the girl off of her. this got a reaction from kie, the two fighting eachother while making fun of pope and jj.

“damn,” jj spoke to himself, quite loudly, walking towards the two girls. he wore a butlers outfit, hair somewhat slicked back but still messy and untamed. jj looked sexy, as y/n would think.

“see something you like?” kie gestured to y/n, making jj bite his lip jokingly.

“hell yeah,” his arm wrapped around y/n’s shoulder like kies had done earlier, making kie’s eyebrows raise. “how are you two enjoying the party?” he acted like a sever, pulling away from y/n as a group of kooks passed by.

“oh its amazing,” y/n joked, eyes batting aggressively to help convince the boy it was a joke. from behind jj, y/n spotted rafe, topper and their goons. her face pulled into a snarl, “bogeys two o’ clock.”

jj turned, eyes rolling. “they look dumb,” he muttered, connecting eye contact with rafe before turning around. y/n hummed in agreement, kie doing the same.

“hey, i see pope,” kie pointed to the boy who was turned from the group. “i’ll be back.” she let out a brief smile, picking the edge of her dress up to move quickly towards the boy. this left jj and y/n alone, in a peaceful silence.

jj smoothed down the button up he was wearing, looking up at the girl in front of him. he felt the note in his pocket, remembering why he was at the midsummer party in the first place. “i’ll be back, madam, i have to go give a note to princess kook.” he spoke in a posh accent, taking y/n’s hand into his own and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

y/n nodded, bowing respectfully at the boy and walking away in time with him. she went to the back, looking for her family. knowing she wouldn’t be able to find them, she weaved her way in and out of the many people and successfully entered the building.

footsteps were behind her, but she ignored them. suddenly, a boy walks infront of her. hes much taller, dark skinned and y/n recognized him as kelce. her breath hitched, but she continued to walk, trying to go around the boy.

a hand grabbed y/n’s arm, tugging her backwards making her trip on her heels. “um, excuse me-” she tried staying polite but stopped when she saw rafe was the one holding her. seeing the boy made her writhe and try and free herself. “let me go!” she seethed, falling onto her ass.

rafe tsked, looking down the hall before shoving her into the mens bathroom. it was conveniently empty, which helped to bring a sick smile onto his face. topper followed in, while kelce took a moment before also entering.

outside, jj was looking around for you everywhere. he had given the note to sarah cameron, pushing past many people as he tried his hardest to spot you over the crowd. “kie!” jj called, spotting somebody he finally knew. “have you seen y/n?” he was worried. you never just disappeared without somebody. or at least without telling somebody.

kie shook her head, not knowing. “last i saw she was inside.” she nodded her head towards the building, making jj sigh. jj glanced around, noticing he didn’t see the three dickheads either. this made his heart speed up. he tensed a little, ignoring whatever kie was saying and leaving to enter the huge building.

and back inside, y/n was struggling to get out of rafes grip, being dragged around the dirty bathroom floors still on her ass. he gave her arm a rough squeeze, which will most definitely be leaving a bruise before dropping it. y/n hissed, recoiling back into herself in the far corner. topper and rafe stood above her, topper more uncomfortable rather than the boy beside him.

y/n looked at them, concern laced on her face. “what do you want-” she hissed, her leg getting grabbed as rafe crouched to her height. he pulled her close to his body, her knee flush with the boys crotch. where the fuck is jj? the girl wondered to herself, pulling herself away from the boy.

jj ran down the long halls, opening every door to try and find the girl who he was looking for. finally he stopped to catch his breath, waiting outside of the womens restrooms. they wouldn’t be in there, he thought, but he might as well check. jj gathered whatever self esteem he had left, pushing open the door.

rafe’s hand slid up from y/ns calf to her lower thigh, making the girls stomach drop. topper crouched beside the boy, grabbing y/n’s wrists as she went to slap him away. she struggled against him, her mouth opening to scream but she felt like her mouth was dry. she felt empty, weak, trying hard to fight but she knew there was no way. kelce watched from behind rafe, giving y/n a look of apology, almost, before looking away.

y/n regained her energy when she heard soft footsteps outside of the bathroom, letting out a shrill scream of help. it was cut short by a very rough- and non-consensual- kiss. she pulled away quickly, eyes filling with tears as she did so. her head slammed against the wall, sending a shock of pain through her head down her neck. when had she gotten so close to the wall? what are they gonna do to her? now her heart was racing, letting out a silent sob.

jj heard the scream. he stopped, waiting to see if he could hear another. he rushed out of the womens bathroom, bursting the mens bathroom door open. he stopped, his ears turning red from anger quickly. seeing y/n in the corner, surrounded by three guys who he knew she despised made his blood boil.

his anger got the best of him quickly. jj jumped into action immediately, throwing a punch across kelce’s face, catching him off guard. kelce hissed in pain, clutching his cheek before quickly retaliating.

the fighting made rafe and topper release y/n quickly, the girl cowering in the corner in fear. there was blood flying around, staining jj’s shirt as he was obviously cornered. y/n cursed, standing as she watched rafe go to kick jj in the balls. she jumped onto his back, grabbing the back of his collar to choke the boy. he coughed, flipping the girl off with ease. he turned, kicking her shin roughly with a snarl.

jj’s arms were pinned behind him, topper punching his stomach and watching the boy double over in pain. kelce released his grip slightly, giving jj the opportunity to reel his leg foreward, pushing it backwards into kelce’s crotch with whatever energy he had left.

y/n stood quickly, her arm swinging, punching rafe across the face and hitting his jaw. the sudden burst of adrenaline gave the punch extra force, knocking the boy back and making him stumble. he snarled, lunging at y/n and knocking her to the ground, he held her down, tearing the gorgeous blue fabric she wore.

anger surged through jj at the sight, topper going to hit him again. he dodged quickly, punching the boy in the gut and pushing him backwards into the wall. he threw atleast ten punches at the boys face and stomach, slumping down quickly with blood rushing from his nose and lip.

rafe ignored what was happening behind him, one of his hands caressing y/n’s face in a sick way. “you’d be much prettier if you weren’t such a fucking slut.” he hissed, slapping her across the face with anger. his face softened for a moment as he saw what he just did, but quickly returning to his normal resting bitch face.

y/n thought jj might’ve killed him. jj pulled rafe backwards, both of them stumbling before regaining their form. jj grabbed rafes collar, grabbing his jaw roughly. a surge of pain ran through rafe’s body, stopping him from fighting back.

“you never. and i mean fucking never. call my girl a slut.” jj hissed, lifting his leg to kick the boy back. rafe fell, to tired to fight back. jj’s eyes looked at you, covering your chest where the tear was. he sunk beside you, anger still coursing through his veins.

“i’m so sorry i wasn’t there,” y/n could tell jj was beating himself up for no reason, it wasn’t his job to look after you constantly anyway. jj shook his head, feeling so terrible. “what’d they do to you?” he asked softly, seeing as the girl looked a little stirred up but not awful.

“he tried touching me. but im okay,” y/n cooed, arms wrapping around the boy. she didn’t care about the tear anymore. her hands wrapped around the back of jj’s head, holding him close.

“i’m gonna kill him. i swear,” jj spoke as though the boy wasn’t close by, though he may have left at this point (they weren’t paying attention to the three boys they fought off). y/n shook her head, staying silent.

“is there an issue, gentlemen?” a guard opened the door, catching the five in there off guard. y/n looked at him with wide eyes, covering her chest again.

“no there... actually yes.” jj started, clearing his throat and wrapping his arm around the girl beside him. “we were in here for um, destruction of property.” he came up with something, smiling at the guard and squeezing y/n’s side as to tell her to go along with it.

“yup. and these men were about to escort us out.” y/n continued, smiling cheekily as she glanced at the boys around her.

“which is what you should do,” jj stood, helping the girl up.

“escort us. out.” y/n wasn’t the best at lying, but the guard seemed to believe them. he led them out, rafe catching their attention again

rafe let out a sly cough, muttering the word ‘slut’ under his breath. jj turned, ready to throw another punch but y/n caught his arm and stopped him.

“he isn’t worth it,” y/n said softly, leading jj back outside.

after jj taking a shot from a random man, and y/n escaping the wrath of her parents, the pogues escaped the party and ran to meet john b. y/n and jj stayed back, not saying much. there was plenty of awkward silence between them, both wanting to say something about what just happened but they couldn’t. y/n wore the blazer jj had on earlier, covering her chest from everybody.

“so.” y/n stopped walking, jj following soon and looking at her.

“so?” he seemed confused, stepping closer.

“your girl?” y/n brought up what he said earlier, a smile on her face. jj’s face dropped, hoping she forgot he said that.

“i have no clue what your talking about.” jj shrugged it off, continuing to walk. he sauntered away, trying not to show his embarrassment.

“wow, okay.” y/n laughed, running to catch up with him. “guess you won’t wanna be my boy then?” she teased, arm wrapping around his arm and latching them together.

“well, who said that?” jj’s face flushed, grinning cheekily at the girl. the smiled at each other, before bursting out into laughter. they were far behind the group, turning towards each other.

it seemed like there was a gravitational pull between them. y/n’s hands cupped his cheeks, pulling him into a short but sweet kiss. jj’s arms wrapped around her waist, pulling away from each other but shortly returning to each other again. they felt in that moment, like they were perfect for each other. and they were.

#jj maybank #jj x reader #kiara #kiara x pope #pope #pope heyward #john b #john b x sarah #sarah #sarah cameron #slow burn #fight #rafe cameron #topper #kelce #fights #blood #swears #swear

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many-gay-magpies · 3 years

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@honeyseungz @loabivey so that uh. that mini au that you had like a very small rb thread about yesterday (well over a few days ago now that im posting this). well uh. um . actually you know what im just gonna let you read it yourselves

so. heeseung, jay, and sunoo are all brothers. wether its actual brothers or just "brothers" by blood bond or whatever idk. but, regardless, they're brothers. im thinking that like, at first they aren't vampires, theyre just regular dudes yknow? (and just a forewarning, a lot of this isnt gonna be as compliant with the enhaverse theorizing we've done so far, it's just a little brain worm i wanted to play around with, throwing a little bit of enhaverse crumbs in here and there)

but anyway. they're not vampires, im thinking theyre just like... adopted/found family brothers, probably orphans or something. regardless they love each other a lot and its great. personality-wise everything is super different, but just for plot conveniences, heeseung, jay, and sunoo are the yunmeng trio (heeseung as wwx, jay as jc, and sunoo as jyl respectively), and jungwon is lwj.

the three brothers meet jungwon, probably brought together by this Big Fantasy Evil, maybe something involving the vampire queen as a character? idk. there's some big evil shit going down, and the three brothers somehow end up with jungwon and HIS big bro, who im imagining is jake (basically the lan xichen in this situation—very soft, kind, gentle; the vibes are right). both of them are vampires, not that our three orphan bois know that. they get caught up in the danger, and vampire bros jake and jungwon coms to the rescue.

now, a little bit of personality-mapping here: jay is outwardly very loud, fun, temperamental, and sarcastic, generally very much like he is irl; but inside, he's intensely loyal, protective, and loving, with a HUGE soft spot for the people closest to him. sunoo is very sweet, sensitive, and kind—the walking hug of the three brothers, who is certainly not without his bite and wont hesitate to talk back to anyone who hurts them. aggressively and without mercy. also he makes them soup for comfort and is generally best boy. heeseung is very goofy, playful, free-spirited, and bright, but insecure and sensitive underneath it all; generally a loud annoying mess of a boy. pure chaotic neutral and a gremlin if there ever was one. jungwon, on the other hand, is... not. he's nervous, quiet, cautious to a fault and intensely righteous, always standing up for what's right and refusing to waver from his chosen path. very lawful good vibes. he, naturally, is more than a little put off when jay, sunoo, and heeseung's chaotic ass come crashing into he and his brother jake's once-peaceful (ish) lives. and it doesn't help that heeseung is a... huge flirt, and apparently deadset on making jungwon his friend. fuck.

jungwon... doesn't know what to do. and it would all be so much easier if heeseung were dumb or stupid or unattractive or just a total asshole—but he isnt any of those things. he's beautiful, smart, insanely witty with a brain faster than any jungwon's ever seen—he can't help but admire him. but on top of that, he's wreckless as hell, unpredictable, and pushy, and gives jungwon heart attacks way too much for his liking. he doesn't even have a heartbeat. he's fucking dead.

it eventually comes out that jake and jungwon are vampires; the brothers are surprisingly cool with it. not the craziest thing that's happened to them.

the five boys get closer, staying together as they fight their foe (which im becoming increasingly inclined to make the werewolves), and through a series of convoluted events, jungwon learns that heeseung is not only gorgeous, smart, talented, and funny as all get-out, but also sensitive, caring, insecure, and thoughtful... and heeseung, who's only goal had been to break through the nervous and straightforward outer shell of his young dongsaeng, does just that. and jungwon, naturally, starts to fall in love.

somewhere along the line, though, things go wrong—as they were bound to do in an au loosely based off of the untamed. something happens to heeseung; he's fatally wounded after saving jay's life, and disappears, nowhere to be found. his brothers eventually assume the worse; that he's gone forever. but the queen finds him, takes care of him, nurses him back to health. turns him.

when he comes back, nothing's the same. the war is still going, and his brothers thought he was dead—but he isn't. but he's... different. jungwon and jake are quick to realize that he's been turned, how, they dont know—but they talk to him, teach him, try to help him, jungwon especially. of course he does; he's in love. heeseung, of course, is dismissive; doesn't take it seriously. ill be fine, whats so bad about this? or, perhaps, he doesn't let on just how hard he's taking it; fearing vulnerability more than he fears being a vampire.

inevitably, though, heeseung's wrecklessness leads to doom—he lets his bloodlust overtake him, relishes in it, no matter how much jungwon had warned him against it, pleaded with him to take caution. he says it's usefull—says he can help them take out enemies, help them win this war. jungwon warns him that he could end up getting more than he bargained for. heeseung doesn't listen.

heeseung helps them win the war; practically wins it for them. hes happy, bitterly, until he isnt. he's happy, until he sees his brother—sees sunoo. blood-covered, pale-skinned, drained.

no.

heeseung is broken. jay even moreso. jay yells at him; yells and yells and yells and yells. curses him out, tells him he hates him, tells him he's nothing but cruel evil—he doesn't mean it, of course, but no one knows it then, not even him. now he is only angry; so, so angry. heeseung, wrought with guilt and shame and grief, flees—hides himself somewhere secluded, does the closest thing a vampire can possibly do to death, the equivalent of a thousand-year hibernation. none can find him, he's made sure of that. in his guilt and shame and anger he stews, asleep, for hundreds, thousands of years.

after the anger passes, jay is more than anything in mourning—for heeseung as well as for sunoo. he has a realization, that being that, when, inevitably, heeseung comes back, he doesn't want him to be alone: even if he'll have jungwon and jake, it won't be the same as having his brother. so jay pleads, cries, begs for jungwon to turn him—so that they can search for heeseung together, so that when heeseung comes back, he'll have jay waiting for him, too. so, reluctantly, jungwon gives in and turns jay—after which he helps him deal with his newfound immortality and vampiric status—helping him handle his bloodlust and helping him learn how to feed. over the centuries that heeseung is gone, jay, jungwon, and jake grow even closer (j line eyyy), inseparable as they search for heeseung and even outside of that. jungwon and jay are the closest, jay growing a colossal soft spot for the boy and not hesitating to take him under his wing and protect him with all he has (initially, sort of as a replacement for protecting heeseung, but eventually jay's affection for jungwon grows into something all it's own). to be clear, no love triangle bullshit here, only sickening-sweet platonic soulmates jaywon and a jungwon that is still achingly in love with heeseung.

(okay for anyone thats actually watched cql/read mdzs, yes i KNOW lwj and jc did not get along at all and kind of hated each other but. this is my au i do what i want, and if i want to add soft jaywon into the mix then im fucking going to, goddamnit)

OKAY TIME FOR SOME WACKY SIDE-PLOT MADNESS

so. sunghoon. how does he fit into all this? how does he end up being the one to trigger heeseung's "resurrection"? how does heeseung GET resurrected in the first place? well, not to worry, you're about to find out! and i am too because i'm just figuring this out as i go along baybyyyy

sunghoon, im thinking, is a friend of jake's (lets throw some jakehoon in here too bcs why not), either from before everything went to shit and heeseung went and isolated himself, or sometime during the numerous centuries jakewon spent looking for heeseung with jay. either way, sunghoon is this boy who jake is friends with and cares about a lot, and is also maybe kind of in love with. while jaywon spend most of their time looking for heeseung, jake spends his with sunghoon—finding himself often alone, now that his little bother is going off on his own adventures.

in a situation quite similar to heeseung's, sunghoon probably gets fatally injured somehow and is near death, but jake, not wanting him to die, decides to turn him instead. niki is also involved, and it's a sort of package deal, because before meeting jakewon, heeseung, and everyone, they were their own little thing; not unlike jay, heeseung, and sunoo's brother's triad. they were both probably orphans, niki being the much younger one, and as such sunghoon took him under his wing and never looked back. when jake turned sunghoon, niki was basically like "m8 what the fuck" and demanded he be turned too, not wanting his sunghoon-hyung to live on forever while he grew old and died. jake, also having a soft spot for niki, was like "fine alright" and turned him too. so, now their little vampire coven numbered five, and all was (moderately) well.

or not.

the thing was, jake hadn't anticipated how powerful sunghoon would be—there's nothing in life that anyone's found yet that would indicate a person's level of power once turned, so jake had... pretty much no way to see this coming. but, anyway, sunghoon was... really, really powerful. like, insanely powerful. all the abilities vampires were said to have in legends, the likes of which were previously reserved for just legends, he had them; flawless teleportation, mind control, shape-shifting, the whole bit. and on top of that, he was controlled—insanely good at monitoring himself and keeping tabs on his own instincts. one of the most self-sufficient, well-mannered vampires jake had ever seen. it was... frankly insane.

the problem? the queen. this is where she comes in, because she's played a part in all the boys' transformations, albeit indirectly—when jake and jungwon first turned, it was she who turned them. she could sense sunghoon's power, and she wanted it for herself. jake and jungwon had done well at avoiding her, even forgetting about her for a while; but what she wanted, she took, and take she did. it was sunghoon she took: luring him to her in small increments and then all at once, taking control of him, turning him into a mindless puppet. sunghoon had always prided himself in control, and without it, havoc wreaked: bodies dropping left and right, people being killed seemingly at random, their only purpose being to instill fear and paranoia.

now, niki had heard tales, before, from his hyungs but also from regular townspeople to whom the legend had gotten passed down, of heeseung, and how great and terrible he was. heeseung, the townspeoples' folktales said, had been insane, unstoppable: a mad genius far too gone for redemption. niki also knew from his hyungs' fond stories that heeseung, more than evil, was kind and caring; he was loyal, and powerful in his loyalty, and niki thought that if anyone could save his sunghoon-hyung, it was heeseung.

so niki went on a journey. without telling jaywon or anyone else (and thus causing quite the panic), he spent years searching for heeseung, everywhere jaywon had thought to look and everywhere they hadn't, and twice more for good measure. and, by some stroke of luck, either due to his own sheer force of will of something else entirely, niki found him: locked away in an old castle that never quite seemed to stay put, constantly phasing in between realities. it made sense why no one had found him before then—he didn't want to be found. desperately, in fact.

but niki, too, was desperate. he enacted a ritual that was said (by jake, so of course it was to be trusted) to wake any vampire that had gone into hibernation, and, miracles continuing to work for the bitter young boy, it worked. heeseung awoke—startled to find himself staring into the face of a very teary, very angry (visibly) sixteen-year-old.

confusion passed, things and motives were explained, and heeseung (although bitter at having been woken up, and still riddled with enough guilt to last 1500 lifetimes) attempted to patiently tell niki that he had no fucking idea how to help sunghoon whatsoever. niki pretty much said "well you better fucking find a way because you're not going back to sleep now, the world's about to fucking end. also jay and jungwon-hyung have been looking for you for literal centuries, do you know how pissed theyd be if i went out looking for you, found you, then came back empty-handed? really fucking pissed is how much. also sad. did i mention sad?" and heeseung, notoriously weak and also kind of (read: very) in love, is just like "...jungwon? jay?"

so niki brings heeseung back to the others, the return journey taking a long enough time that the two become significantly close to each other, heeseung's long-forgotten big brother instincts (tm) kicking in around the younger vampire. niki has to basically drag heeseung out of the castle by his teeth, because as much as he misses his brother and jungwon, he's still so incredibly guilty, and completely convinced that he isnt worth love or life whatsoever and that jay still hates his guts. and, jungwon... he doesn't even want to think about jungwon. how he failed him. how he let him down. but, niki slowly works through the insecurities, bit by bit: assuring heeseung that, no, even though jay will definitely rip him a new one once he sees him again, he'll also cry and hug him for at least 24 hours because he misses him like hell and heeseungie hyung you have no idea.

they weather a lot together. storms, mental breakdowns, bouts of blood-starvation so severe heeseung thinks he'll lose it again: but they're there for each other. they hunt, talk, keep each other warm, and in it, form an unbreakable bond. niki had heard tales of the legendary lee heeseung, who wiped out entire armies in two seconds flat and comforted his friends when they were sad and annoyed jay to the very ends of the earth: but what he's faced with is a man with more insecurities than niki has hairs on his head—and he has a lot of hairs on his head.

by the time they make it back to the coven's home, heeseung has grown sufficiently attached to the enigma that is niki, and has almost completely but it out of his mind that he's here for his old friends, too. he's only doing this for niki: it's a fact he's comfortable with. so when they reach the front steps he just... freezes.

i have a very clear image of it in my head—jungwon, jay, and jake sense niki's presence, in some weird vampire-y way. it's been around 10, 15 years since he left at this point, so of course they rush out to greet him, ready with scoldings and lashings about how stupid he had been (after, of course, making sure he's unharmed and alright)—but it all dies on their tongues as soon as they see who's with him.

frozen. everything is frozen.

i imagine it's a lot like lulu and artzyy's post. jungwon is the first to move, stepping forward and whimpering out a broken "hyung", and all heeseung's guilt and avoidance is forgotten in favor of cradling jungwon to his chest, holding him close and whispering reassurances into the crown of his head, wonnie, im so sorry, hyung's so sorry; i didn't mean to leave you for so long, i'm here now, its okay. and of course then jay comes in, crying and screaming about how the fuck is it okay, how can it ever be okay, how could you just not mean to leave us alone for 1500 years?! how the fuck do you just expect to waltz back into our lives like nothing ever happened and pretend its all okay?!? and then he hits him, and hurts him, tries to make him feel even an inkling of the hurt he was made to feel for the past fifteen hundred years—but then punching him turns into fisting hands into the back of his shirt and sobbing into his neck and holding him so tight he wouldn't be able to breath if he had the need to and please, please don't leave, why would you leave, you asshole, why did you leave?

so yeah. things happen. reunions are had, tears are shed. some indirect heewon love confessions probably happen later on in the form of very intense devotions of life and self and all that. "walking on the single-log bridge in the dark really isnt so bad" you know the whole shbang. meanwhile jay salty in the background just like "cant you just say you love each other like normal human beings jesus fucking christ"

jayseung's relationship (or the reigniting of it) is, well, rocky. they're both conflicted—jay even more than heeseung. because, the thing is, heeseung killed sunoo. as regretful as he is, that doesn't make it any easier to forget. but he's back, and alive, and in one piece, and he isn't leaving, and jay knows it wasn't really his fault, he wasn't in control—but he killed him. he killed their brother. and it WAS his own stupid fault for losing control in the first place, for not listening to jungwon, so what the hell is jay supposed to think? he flip-flops between being intensely grateful that heeseung is back and okay and finally with them again, and then remembering what he's done, giving him the cold shoulder and not speaking to him for hours on end. and all the while, heeseung is riddled with guilt, and shame, and grief he'd suppressed for far too long; niki's stubbornness combined with jungwon's unwavering support being the only things keeping him from bolting into oblivion all over again. all in all, it's a difficult time—but they get there. eventually.

naturally, they save sunghoon. what else is there to do? they defeat the queen, break her control over their friend—and then jakehoon have their own teary reunion, not unlike heewon's, and sungki have theirs, not unlike jayseung's (although with a... considerable decrease in cursing and conflicted emotions, and a lot more immediate sobbing). they're a mess—sunghoon is traumatized, heeseung is traumatized, jay and niki are traumatized, they're all just fucking traumatized. jayseung will probably take a long time to get back to the way they once were, if it's even possible—there'll always be an empty space there, something gone, something missing, and it's one that can't be filled. jungwon barely lets heeseung out of sight or touch alike, and heeseung isn't much better off. jay's always been the more touchy one out of the three of them; but after years of missing, of longing, there's plenty of time to be made up, and heeseung is just... so, so soft, and warm, and being held by him is the loveliest thing jungwon's ever known.

AND NOW A SUNOO THING, BECAUSE THE IDEA OF ENHA LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER AS OT6 WITH SUNOO JUST FUCKING DEAD DOES. NOT WORK FOR ME

so like. sunoo isn't dead, or he doesn't stay dead, or not the soulless-unmoving kind of dead anyway. you know how necromancy and fierce corpses exist in donghua and shit? well they exist here too because fuck you and also i said so. i made myself sad and now im making it happy again goddamnit.

anyway. after he dies, sunoo gets found by the queen, too, and because she's all-powerful and whatnot she fucking necromances him—figures he'll be useful later. as he is, though, he's basically nothing more than a puppet; like wen ning and song lan were when they were being controlled. his soul isn't... gone exactly, just imprisoned, prevented from being able to come forward and command his body.

so. sunoo is still partially alive, and the boys (jay, jake, jungwon, sunghoon, niki, and whatnot)... don't know that. i imagine that for pretty much the entirety of the centuries that heeseung is gone, sunoo's status as a necromanced fierce corpse goes entirely unknown to them, and it's only after heeseung is brought back by niki that he starts to resurface. i imagine they realize it in a sort of tense, action-filled scenario: the boys have gone to investigate another attack, thinking it's sunghoon, but as it turns out the queen has had TWO undead corpses running around doing her dirty work instead of one. and one of them is sunoo.

heeseung and jay, of course, are stunned. they cant believe it's real; it isn't real, it can't be—and yet.

a lot of angsty plot stuff happens—i dont have the energy or enough shits to give to figure out what. the thing is, the queen only kept sunoo this long and brought him out as a tactic to lure heeseung, make him weaker; and it probably worked. in the midst of both fighting against sunghoon and fighting to SAVE sunghoon, heeseung is bent on saving sunoo as well, and there's probably a lot of very angsty talk wherein there are disagreements about who's life, really, is more important in this situation, and if heeseung is just trying to make up for what he did to sunoo. regardless, heeseung ends up saving sunoo and bringing his soul back to the surface. what he doesn't expect is for sunoo to forgive him—fully and wholeheartedly. and it feels wrong, because no, you should be angry with me, you should hate me and want to hurt me like i hurt you; but sunoo is just... happy. happy that he's back, happy that heeseung is back, happy that they're all together again. and its conflicting, to say the least. even moreso because sunoo isnt stupid—he didnt just act like heeseung was an innocent who did no wrong; he knew he had been wreckless, knew he was at fault, and he forgave him still. loved him still. that was something heeseung... hadn't been prepared for.

like i said in the last part, they save sunghoon; how, im not sure, but they save him, probably with a fair bit of sunoo's help, and they're together again. only the tiny difference here is that sunoo is with them too. sunoo is back, and the gang has yet another undead bestie to teach the ropes of being a vampire to. things are awkward, obviously, especially between the original brother's trio of heeseung, sunoo, and jay; because sunoo is his usual sweet and kind self while jay believes that he should be more angry at heeseung for killing him, heeseung agrees, and jay has some very conflicted feelings about how self-depricating his hyung is being (because like... yeah you killed sunoo and im supposed to hate you but you're not supposed to hate yourself, you idiot, what the fuck?)

(also like. if we're gonna take some more crumbs from cql canon here im gonna go ahead and say sunoo's death was at least somewhat self-sacrificial, even if it was heeseung that ended up causing it in the end)

(i kind of love how jiang cheng-y i made enhaverse jay here to be honest)

(okay this has been in my drafts WAY too long because ive been waiting for some miraculous Other Detail i need to add to pop up in my mind, but honestly i can just add anything else i think of in a reblog afterwards, this bitch just needs to see the light of day)

#magpie thoughts #magpie writes #??? kind of ???#enhaverse #enhaverse theories #ALSO kind of???#enhaverse writing #enhaverse aus #the untamed/cql #the untamed spoilers #idk but just to be safe ig .

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