#idk but when they’re consciously trying NOT TO take advantage it makes the times they unwittingly DO more compelling | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

casliveblog · 6 months

Text

Custom Toonami Block Week 152 Rundown

Spy X Family: After the foreshadowing last week we introduce Fiona properly and the r34 kinda spoiled this one for me because the joke is supposed to be that she wants in on the big operation and she’s seen as a glory hound but it’s really that she likes Loid and is pissy about not being picked to be his wife the one time he needs a fake marriage. I don’t know if I’d have figured it out before the punchline but it’s still pretty funny to watch Anya read her mind and hear here thoughts SCREAM about how much she loves him while she’s wearing a stoic face. She picks at Yor’s insecurities about her home ec skills and tries to not so subtly talk to Loid in code about how Yor isn’t a good fit for the mission despite everyone telling her him suddenly getting a new wife out of nowhere would be massively sus, like we just saw Fiona vent. Also Anya gets some really good moments of propping Yor up and affirming her love for her when she finds out Fiona wants to go Tiger Mom on her and I really wish Anya got more of this instead of ‘she’s bad at everything but it’s okay because she’s cute’ like it’s way more interesting to see her leverage her unique advantage from mind-reading in her own limited way than just kinda bungle through things. Still the episode does a good job of making Fiona’s feelings sympathetic without putting her in the right, like it’d be a problem if we thought she was a heartless witch or if she really was better than Yor for the mission but neither of those happen and she’s able to see Loid has genuine affection for his new family and for now is willing to step back a bit, though she decides on the new mission she has with Loid that she’ll try again. Also the whole ass end credits play before the B-plot kicks in so idk but it’s a cute little vignette about Bond ripping up Anya’s stuffed animal and them making up after a spat, it’s pretty cute and shit.

Inuyasha: More Kohaku action this time and he is forced to kill all the castle guards and steal The Baby back before Sango comes by and is like ‘shit, not again bro’ and he’s conscious for it the whole time and actively crying about it. Meanwhile Abi’s fighting Inuyasha still and is just like ‘oh shit guess it was a normal human castle, oh well god my blood, gonna peace out’. Kohaku suddenly remembers that Sango is his sister and that he killed his parents, getting over the memory block he’s had for half the series and getting past his grief by deciding to take his chance to try and kill Naraku to atone. Sango’s back to mulling over her options because even if she gets Kohaku back there’s no telling if Naraku will still be able to control him or if he’ll even want to live (spoiler, rn he doesn’t) so she decides agaian to try and kill him herself despite deciding that was a bad idea the past few times at the last second but she runs into some of the villagers Kohaku saved and takes solace in the fact there’s still some good in his heart. Both Inuyasha and Kagura’s group come to the same conclusion around the same time that the Baby is Naraku’s heart that was split from Hakudoshi. Miroku and Sango have a nice wholesome moment where he deliberately doesn’t undercut it with a fondling joke Naraku also dispels the barrier around Abi’s nest which Abi didn’t even know was there until her mom pointed it out but yeah now Inuyasha will be able to sniff her out and come get her but Kikyo sends her little cherubs out to warn him it’s probably a trap.

Yu Yu Hakusho: This one’s all about Hiei’s backstory, in a nutshell Hiei’s tribe are like the Gerudo and he’s the Ganondorf of the bunch except instead of making him king they murder him as a baby and slutshame his mom. Apparently Hiei’s just that badass that he was born with full consciousness like Ray from Promised Neverland and he grew up wanting to burn down his hometown which is hard because they’re a bunch of floating ice nomads but both Yukina and his mom’s friend Rui are on board for Plan Hiei Revenge Genocide Mk3 because throwing anyone with testicles off a cliff is not exactly a stable form of government. Hiei’s also looking for his birthright, the jewel of his mother’s tear from when he was born and now carries the same from Yukina, this is a lot of sidequests for Hiei in the last like ten episodes but we’ve got some character building to do I guess. Meanwhile Mukuro has set 500 A-class demons on Hiei and considering Hiei himself is supposed to be an A-class at this point I’m really starting to think the letters don’t mean a damn thing or every time they throw them around to sound important they really mean ‘bottom of this class so we can kinda sound tough’ like theoretically every demon on that list should be stronger than Toguro and somehow I’m not seeing ‘lizard guy with a mace’ as beating Toguro. Either way it’s been six months of Hiei carving his way through nominally strong guys and getting about as much sleep as I did in college and Mukuro’s like ‘okay for real this time just one more strong dude and we’re done and you can be in my inner circle’. Turns out it’s the doctor that gave Hiei the Jigan eye because that’s the only other thing we’ve fleshed out about him at this point and he needs to be haunted by all his demons at once damnit. Like it just feels kinda weird to retcon that Hiei actively made himself weaker when he got the surgery for all the eye has done for him over the course of the series (pretty much jack shit) and then also half-retcon that the doctor told him to not tell Yukina he was her brother because he just gets off on that I guess, no idea how you run a demon back alley doctor’s office on monkey’s paw promises but sure, like Hiei mentions he wouldn’t have told her anyway but it seems like a weird thing to throw in like we’re trying to explain why Hiei was only every exactly as strong as he needed to be to look cool at any given time but it translates his growth into recovery meaning all the power of friendship and relying on others has done for him all series is sorta slightly helped him get back to where he was without it a little faster.

Jujutsu Kaisen: Now we get the Oceans 11 montage of how Mahito pulled off the Finger Heist (also a few other cursed thingies that will probably be important later) basically long story short they keep the fingers in a dimensional maze and Mahito spiritually peed on the finger they confiscated from him so he could smell his spiritual pee to find the right door and sneak into the vault and take all the fingers. So I guess that takes the ‘why don’t we just jam fingers into Yuji till he’s strong enough?’ question off the table, and also like several people are dead and Coatrack guy is just talking about coatracks so he isn’t much help. Still Todo brings up a good point that being all sullen won’t help anyone and pretending they care so much about faceless mooks they didn’t know is hypocritical so we get to the real meet of the collab event: baseball… wait, baseball? Yeah apparently Gojo sensed we needed a filler episode so he slipped baseball into the Goblet of Fire which results in me getting to see Nobara in a baseball uniform which is one of my secret fetishes so I am literally game. It’s a fun little wrapup though like just kinda putting a cap on the relationships that came to a head during the arc, getting some really funny jokes in and alleviating the sense of anti-climax that happens whenever bad guys jump into one of these Chunin Exam arcs like the people who really wanted to see the end of Sasuke vs Gaara. But yeah, Tokyo wins at the end of the day and it’s kind of ironic that The Boondocks kickball episode had more anime bullshit than an actual bullshit anime baseball episode like for the most part everyone’s just playing fair.

Zom 100: Akira’s still in his zombified state under Neo Capitalism but luckily the series is smart enough to not beat us over the head with that for the whole episode so we get the theme by proxy by finally getting Shizuka’s backstory. Her dad was… uhhh Gozaburo Kaiba I think, but yeah he’s the one that put the ideas of success by any measure, to the point where he even said her marrying wasn’t necessary (idk bro seemed like he did it at some point unless he reproduced asexually) and yeah he also killed her puppy because if you thought the adorable puppy was gonna survive the backstory this must be your first anime backstory. But yeah they make it very clear that the balance between ‘need’ and ‘want’ is the theme of the episode and the whole series really. Shizuka finds the bucket list and surprisingly Akira’s boss is willing to let her and Tencho go while gaslighting Akira into staying which is actually more decent than I thought he’d be like given he’s basically eyehumping Shizuka I thought for sure he’d be like ‘nah everyone stays’ given there’s no logic to his leadership anyway and if this was the Walking Dead this guy would have a broken bottle in his neck like a week ago. But yeah Shizuka gives Akira back the list and inspires him to be like ‘yeah thanks for everything but we’re going now and if that’s not good enough for you kindly fuck off, thanks.’ And of course as a climax the truck stop gets a zombie outbreak that Akira gets to sort out and save his boss’s life while demolishing any respect anyone had for his leadership ability and everyone gets to get the fuck out of dodge while Shizuka gets to give a good speech about enjoying the moment to show off her character development so that’s cool. I think her switch happened a little fast but I also kinda like that the way they pull her out of her mindset is by watching someone else make the same mistakes since you’re more likely to give someone else good advice than take it from yourself because psychology is a bitch.

Ranking of Kings: The time has finally come for the final battle, Bosse!Daida vs Bojji! Bosse gives Miranjo his apologize and then an ultimatum to everyone else, swear loyalty to him under his real name or die for the sake of Daida’s kingdom he had for like three days. Everyone reflects on their tragic backstories and the love they’ve shared and watched as Bojji’s grown and unanimously decide to stand by his side and reclaim the real Daida. It’s really cool how when Bojji looks around at them he sees the weakest parts of each of the Big Four, Sword Guy’s mechanical hand, Shield Guy’s missing foot, Spear Guy’s trembling knees from his torn loyalty, and he reflects on the tenderest parts of each of them as they fought for what they loved and decides he’s gonna fight Bosse solo. Everyone’s kind of nervous but Bojji FUCKING OWNS Bosse!Daida, bro can’t even TOUCH Bojji as he’s Attack on Titaning around and busting up his weapon and disabling his body he doesn’t even land a fucking hit on Bojji bro, eventually Bosse has to admit defeat and tries to smash Miranjo but Bojji’s able to stop him so they can reflect on what has to be done properly. Apparently the only way to get Daida back is to kill Miranjo which I don’t really understand since the Dad Shake she had Daida drink didn’t really have any direct link to her but I guess it’s more dramatic. Also there’s a plot about the demon also having the key to fixing Ouken but we don’t get any more on that just yet. But yeah, Bojji promises to save Miranjo from the demon and breaks her mirror, sending her and Bosse’s souls free but her’s is dragged into the demon’s stomach to be tortured by the demon’s stomach demons for all eternity.

Vinland Saga: We find out that Leif’s been making as much money as he can to buy and liberate as many slaves as possible but given that slaves are really expensive and all you have to do to get one is capture some dude he’s not really making a dent. Meanwhile he’s in York while Canute is making his entrance for the big meeting he’s gonna have with King Daddy when he gets shot. But aha! Askeladd’s pulled a beginning of Attack of the Clones on everyone and instead of effeminate Canute it’s slightly more effeminate big titty female slave Canute that took the crossbow arrow. Meanwhile Thorfinn tracks down the assassin and murders him in front of Leif with all the chance meeting grace of a high schooler falling on a titty. He begs Thorfinn to come back and see his dying mother but Thorfinn’s just like ‘yeah how’s that fairy tale world you told me about doin’ huh?’ still Leif says he’ll stay in town if he reconsiders. Now we get the full extent of Askeladd’s plan which is like five layers of ‘but he knows what I know that he knows what I know that he knows’ and essentially they wrapped up the king in the Chains of Commanding and make sleighting Canute a bad look while making Canute seem important and feeding his spy info that will make him complacent and put up a false sense of security. Now for the final scene we have a pretty cool deal of Thorfinn getting his duel with Askeladd again but meanwhile Thorfinn still has a broken fucking arm, now I have two theories as to why Thorfinn’s pushing for the fight right now (aside from just wanting to get it done because he’s a revenge-driven murder monkey). 1. He just saw Leif and is genuinely wanting to get the revenge out of his system so he can take Leif up on his offer and return with him under the false assumption that killing Askeladd will heal all the turmoil inside him. 2. Seeing Leif reminded him of how little progress he’s made in the past eleven years and he’s just an angry little pissbaby with the encounter refreshing the pain and memory of his father’s death that has at least dulled somewhat into a low heat of hatred in his heart. But either way Askeladd has some other shit to do first and Bjorn’s off his deathbad long enough to be killed by Askeladd’s hand, saying all he wanted was to be Askeladd’s friend even if it was a lie in the end. He did it not because he wanted to go to Valhalla because I’m pretty sure Valhalla still counts as long as you got the wound in battle even if you die days later, but because Askeladd was the ideal man to him and that’s how he wanted to die. Askeladd admits Bjorn was his only true friend, maybe sincerely, maybe just to put him at peace before he dies, but he puts his second in command to rest either way. Then he fucking turns to Thorfinn and basically goes ‘okay I got my adulting done, guess I have to deal with your petty childish bullshit now huh?’.

#ooc #Toonami #Custom Toonami Block #Spy X Family #Inuyasha #Yu Yu Hakusho #Jujutsu Kaisen #Zom 100: Bucket List of the Dead #Ranking of Kings #Vinland Saga

2 notes · View notes

sluttbuttsstuff · 3 years

Note

For the prompts, 49 with doppio? >:3 Idk what it is about him I just look at him and think “oh you’re NEEDY needy, huh?”. Thank you so much, you’re a really good writer! :)

No problem buddy, thanks for the request! >:3

Warnings: not sfw, dubcon/noncon, abduction, dark themes, yandere, etc.

Also, my requests are still open, if anyone else is interested!

Enjoy!

Yandere prompt with Doppio, “You want me to fuck you…? Would that make you happy? Would it make you love me?” afab reader, dub/non con

All you wanted to do now was go home. You had had a long week at work, your parents were nagging you again, and to make things worse you had a headache that would not go away. After an exhausting day that began before the sun was out, and ended after the sun had set, you certainly deserved to do nothing more than go home, eat some junk food in your comfy pjs, listen to a podcast while you took a bath and pampered yourself, and maybe jerk off before bed. Unfortunately, you had a “girls night” tonight.

Your friends (your IRL friends at least) complained that you never went out with them anymore (nevermind that whenever you suggested doing something with them, or wanted to chat or text on the phone they were busy) and had forced you to go clubbing with them to celebrate the three-day weekend ahead. You weren’t much of a drinker, and really weren’t much of a dancer, so you had been given the purses to hold while you waited for them to be ready to go home.

You wrinkled your nose in frustration, glaring into the blurry screen of your phone looking at the late time: this was unfair. You were a hard worker, kind to a fault to those around you, and you deserved better than this. Sitting in a corner of a crowded club, everyone in the place having a great time except for you, tired and alone. At least in your apartment, you chose to be there, and at least no one actively ignored you: places like this just pointed out the flaws you hated about yourself more: you were bad with people, and easy to ignore.

Once one of your “friends” stumbled over to the group’s table, you left them with everyone's purse, mumbling you were going to the bathroom (you didn’t know if she heard you and you didn’t care) and left before anyone could stop you. You stumbled your way to the restroom in heels way too high for you to walk in, trying to clean yourself up and find a quiet place to text your goodbyes so your friends wouldn’t worry about your sudden disappearance. Leaning over the sink counter, you wiped a makeup smear off the corner of your lips, noticing a second too late someone behind you.

“Hey, there’s another sink-” You began to say to the blurred figure way too close to you, before a sudden eruption of pain hit the side of your head, and you were out in a flash…

The next time you regained consciousness was several hours later, but it was still dark when you opened your eyes, trying to remember what happened and where in the world you were. The stale cigarette smell, the unreasonably cold ac, the bedsheets starched so strongly that the sheets felt like plastic- this was definitely a motel. But where, and how long had you been here? As you began to sit up, you heard a surprised, timid voice.

“Oh, thank goodness! You’re awake, I was beginning to worry about you! Hold on, don’t move so suddenly, i’ll help you sit up.

Sure enough, as you started moving, your head lit up with painful throbbing that made last night’s headache seem like nothing in comparison. You grit your teeth and clenched your eyes shut, trying not to groan in pain.

“What the hell happened to me last night?” you grunted through your teeth, rubbing your temple as gentle hands helped slowly sit you up propped against cushions.

“Haha, you had a lot of bad luck last night, running into my boss. He was waiting for...an employee in the restroom and thought you were sent after him. He’s a bit paranoid, and he may have...accidentally clobbered you.” The voice apologized, gentle as he handed you what felt like a glass of water.

You forced yourself to open your eyes; it was still dark, but you could tell it wasn’t because of the time of day but rather a lack of light and closed curtains. You looked at..you looked at the person in front of you. Like whoever had attacked you last night, they had long pink hair, braided and side parted. Their eyes were green and wide, and they looked particularly juvenile with a crop top and freckles. They were on the smaller side, perhaps even shorter than you (hard to tell from while on the bed) and their eyes were crinkled in apprehension, like he was afraid you were going to hurt him.

“Erm, don’t worry though, I talked him out of doing anything too..extreme, after all I'm his right hand man! Besides, you seem like a perfectly nice person, I'd hate to see anything bad happen to you. Sorry, I'm rambling! Umm, do you want something for your headache? You were groaning in your sleep, I'm sure it doesn’t feel so good right now-” He went on and on, pulling out some painkillers to take with your water.

After thanking him, you were about to swallow the pill before pausing, looking at the strange man who’d taken you to a remote hotel after his boss had nearly killed you. Sensing your suspicion, doppio exclaimed, “Oh, don’t worry, they’re safe, name brand painkillers! Um, hold on, lemme just-” And he made a show of popping some of the pills you were holding into his mouth and swallowing, sticking out his tongue and opening his mouth to show you he’d ingested it.

Satisfied, and more importantly in a lot of pain, you took some of the pills yourself, much to the relief of the pink haired man.

“Oh good, thank you for doing that! I was so worried watching you asleep, you’ll feel much better now! By the way, my name’s Doppio, it’s a pleasure to meet you! Oh! And I know your name’s y/n because you had your purse and ID on you! Haha, sorry for going through your purse, I was just hoping to find any info on you that might be, you know, important.” he sat on the bed, scooching closer and closer to you.

You cleared your throat, unsure of what to say, and the watchful eyes of Doppio doing nothing to make you feel better.

“Well, um, thank you, Doppio. I appreciate you, um, saving me? Sorry for any inconvenience, I'll just, um-” You try to get up to leave, only for Doppio to place a hand over your leg.

“Don’t go! What, I mean, what if you hurt yourself? You probably have a concussion, and also you haven’t had breakfast? We could eat together and-” Doppio stammered, grabbing your hand and stroking it with his sweaty, cold fingers.

You had to stop him, before things got out of hand.

“Thank you, Doppio, it really was very sweet of you to take such good care of me, but I-”

“Please! You don’t understand, I mean-” Doppio fumbled with his words, clearly trying to make you stay at all costs.

“Doppio, i can’t stay here forever, i need to go home. My friends are probably worried about me by now.” You tried to press on, you didn’t want to upset the man with a powerful boss, but you felt increasingly claustrophobic with Doppio pawing at you.

“You mean those mean girls who left you with their purses all night? Why would you care about what they-” Doppio covered his mouth with both hands quickly, realizing what he just said.

Your blood ran ice cold; how did he know so much about them? Had he been watching you before the “incident”

Using his moment of weakness, you got up from the bed and tried to reach the door; it was time for you to go home, if not call the cops.

Doppio yelped, Throwing himself in front of the door before you could make your escape.

“Please, don’t be scared y/n! I didn’t mean to upset you, I only meant that I can treat you much better than your friends can. I mean, look at how good I've been for you so far?? I didn’t make you dance with me at the club, even though I really wanted to. I didn’t just have my fun against your will in the bathroom stall like the boss told me to do.I saved you from a concussion, or worse! I got you your own hotel room for the night, and didn’t take advantage of you or touch you while you were asleep! I want our first time to be special, after all! Isn’t that what you want?” Doppio pleaded, eyes wild as he tried to smile, trying to calm you.

You were anything but calm however, this guy was clearly obsessed with you, and had been for longer than just one night. Even if at first he had merely seemed like a pathetic “nice guy” you no longer had any pity or time to give him.

“Doppio, get away from the door and let me leave, now.” you demanded in your best authoritative voice. Doppio whimpered, this wasn’t how this was supposed to go at all, you were supposed to love him!

“You can’t! Boss and I won’t let you!” He cried, covering the door with his body. With no other choice, you slid out of your shoes and charged at him full speed. You managed to give him a good blow on the head, and threw him out of the way of the door. He cried, crumpled on the ground. If not for the fact that he had kidnapped you, you might have felt bad for hurting him like this, but you had to think of yourself at this moment.

As you finally unlock and pull open the door, heading towards freedom, you hear the strangest noise behind you.

“RingRingRingRingRing!” Doppio calls after you, in an unnatural, high pitched tone. You try to ignore it, you literally don’t have time for this, but with strength he had not previously displayed, Doppio grabs one of your arms, twisting it behind your back and up to his ear, holding it like a telephone.

There’s a trickle of blood, and one of his eyes is rolled back in its socket, but he calmly says, “Hello, this is Doppio,” Into your hand, as if he was having a normal conversation on the phone.

You scream out, doubled over by the pain in your arm, Doppio silent as he “listens” to his “Phonecall” oblivious to your suffering. Where did all this power come from? He was acting like an entirely different person, and frankly scaring you. Doppio nodded, pulling your hand closer into his ear and intently listening to nothing but air before “Hanging up and pulling you back into the motel room.

He threw you on the bed ( his arms felt much stronger, and more muscular for some reason) before crawling on top of you and pinning you down. You were too stunned, and frankly too scared, to come up with any means of escape, just weakly struggling to throw him off of you to no avail.

“Doppio, please-” You whispered, eyes blurry with tears.

“I talked to the boss, and he helped me figure out what to do. He wants our relationship to succeed after all!” Doppio exclaimed, additude reverted to how he’d first spoken to you. You were confused, you’d neither seen nor heard anyone in or around the room, who was he talking to and how?

“Boss told me that people like you need some discipline in order to be obedient, or you’ll walk all over me. If I can do that, then I can make you love me, and we’ll be happy together, isn’t that what you want?” Doppio told you, stroking your cheek.

“This is not okay, Doppio!” you yell, thrashing against both arms, “Let me go or i’ll-”

...

Wait a minute, both arms?

Then how was he…?

You look over to one side in shock, only to see a floating metallic and red arm holding you down, one on either side. You screamed, overwhelmed by a stalker and strange supernatural forces you couldn’t understand.

“Oh, you can see King Crimson's arms? Interesting, perhaps because of your near death experience with Boss, you can see stands now? Although, it would be bad if you developed a stand, what to do?...” Doppio pondered to himself, speaking apparent babble.

You cried, trying to wake up from this obvious nightmare with no luck.

“Awww, hey y/n, it’s okay, i’m not gonna hurt you! Not if you be good for me and Boss.” Doppio cooed, kissing your cheeks and forehead. “I talked boss into keeping you with us- you’re always so lonely at home, and never have a good time with others, right? You don’t have to lie anymore, I've been watching you for a while. Nobody else seems to, though, they’re too self-absorbed and stupid to realize how incredible you are!” He continued, oblivious to his words not helping, but hurting you.

“You’re perfect for me and boss, we can take really good care of you. Forget this lousy motel, we have mansions and villas all over Italy that we can take holidays to. We have billions of Lira from work, you’ll never have to lift another finger and we’ll pamper you to death. And best of all? You’ll never have to see your awful friends or family again! Isn’t it awful how they treat you? We can get rid of them, so they can’t hurt you!” He finishes, grinning ear to ear, but his eyes hollow and lifeless, staring unblinkingly into yours.

This guy was sick, there was no other word to it. You might have had issues with your family, and yeah your friends could be assholes sometimes, but you didn’t want them killed! What good would that do you, or anyone for that matter?!

Doppio seemed to read your thoughts, “Look, I know it's a lot to take in at once, but trust me. Boss and I have planned this out for a while now, and we’re always going to do what’s best for us, ok? So don’t worry so much, and please stop struggling? Boss warned me if you got too unruly he’d take over and finish what he started last night.

A wave of nausea slithered through you as you remembered, thinking how close you were to dying. You gave up, lying limp on the bed, praying for this to end.

Doppio smiled again, this one almost seeming genuine, and gave you the softest kiss to your lips. It was childish, almost, and he clearly lacked experience, but he gained more confidence from your lack of struggling. With the mysterious hands holding you (stands? King crimson?) his own hands were free to touch you. He started With your cheeks, your face, your hair, your neck, stroking you with feather-light touches, his fingers tracing each curve, digit and flaw like he was trying to memorize it all.

“Finally… I finally get to touch you like this… I’ve been waiting for so long, y/n. Do you know how long I've wanted to hold you?” He whispered, wrapping his arms around your neck, cradling your cheek to his. You didn’t know, and you didn’t want to, but Doppio told you anyway.

“I’ve been watching, waiting...for so long. Following you home from work, listening into your calls, finding your online accounts. I’ve known since I first saw you that you were the one for me, and now I get to prove it to you. I get to show you all the things I've been meaning to do to you. You’ll never be lonely again, not with me around. We’ll never be lonely~”

He giggled the last part, giddy with excitement, as he slid his fingers down your ribcage, your sides, fiddling with the bottom of your shirt. You wriggled, trying to fight him off again, only to your dismay Doppio giggled even harder at your reactions-perhaps because he knew you could never overpower him.

“Ohhh~ still so shy? Don’t be so uptight, y/n, you need to live a little! I know how much you want this; you complain about it all the time on your personal blog-” You could feel the blush on your cheeks heating up your face, desperate to make him shut up, “ How you want someone to have their way with you, to make you forget everything else in life. You’re desperate for someone to truly cherish and understand you; mentally and physically. You want me to love you? You want me to fuck you…? Would that make you happy? Would it make you love me?” Doppio rambled on and on, ripping your shirt off with strength he hadn’t had before.

You yelped, goosebumps forming on your skin as Doppio cackled, rubbing his face on your stomach, and into your cleavage poking out from your bra.

“Yes, let go for me! Show me every emotion, everything you’ve been holding back from me for so long- i need it, I demand it!” He snarled, splitting your nicest bra in half, and biting down on your neck, hard.

You screamed, legs kicking uselessly as the pain blurred your mind and you were operating purely on instinct. Doppio didn’t seem bothered in the least by it, you could still feel his laughter against your sore neck, as he sucked down on it, trying to bruise and mark you. His hands couldn’t help but find their way to your breasts, toying with them and squeezing them with admittedly little expertise. But he was a quick learner, making note of each little gasp and twitch according to how he touched you, and improving his technique from there. He twisted your nipples a bit roughly, already hard from the chilly air and sensitive to touch- you couldn’t help but moan a little in satisfaction. It had been awhile.

Doppio’s moans echoed yours, as he kissed his way down the crevice of your breasts, and licked each nipple in turn. You squirmed, not in fear or anger but pleasure, angry at yourself for letting this strange man win your body over so easily. Doppio kept his eyes on you at all times, studying your face to see how you felt. He’d had to watch you for so long from so far away, alone in your bedroom, or so you thought… it was time to use the knowledge he’d gained to make your body crazy for him.

You jumped at Doppio’s hands, cupping your groin through your pants, trying not to buck into his hands . It was getting harder and harder to deny him, though, why couldn’t you just-?

Doppio pulled your pants down to your ankles, taking your panties with it. He groaned audibly at the sight- your pussy was so wet and dripping, there was still a trail connected to your underwear.

“No, don’t-” You cried, snapping your legs shut, visibly scared at what was taking place again. Doppio was losing patience, crouching down and prying your legs open,

“Stop fighting me, y/n, you clearly want this!” He cried, eye twitching in annoyance. He managed to open your legs again, and buried his face into your pussy. He moaned, licking up a wet stripe against your labia, warm and puffy and so wet for him- he knew you would be, he knew you loved him.

Tears streaked down the sides of your face, this was so much and so intense. Your thighs clamped down on Doppio’s cheeks and neck, squeezing him as hard as you could. Not hard enough, apparently, as he just started giggling again through a full mouth and busy tongue “Ssho good, y/n, why have you been hiding thissh from mee~?” he moaned, tongue circling your clit. You flung your head back into the pillow, gripping the mysterious hands that held you for any source of strength or comfort.

Watching you whimper so pitifully with his head between your legs, obviously blissed out after being so needy and alone for so long, just did things to doppio. He loved the pained, fucked out expression on your face- you couldn’t even keep your eyes open as he snuck one, two fingers into your aching pussy. You whimpered so cutely, and it was all for him and him alone. Finally~

“Y/n, please, i can only hold back for so long, let me make sure it’s not painful… be good for me, please?” Doppio begged, grinding his hips into the mattress before he could help himself. Begrudgingly, you moved your thighs back just enough for Doppio to push them away, when he got a wonderful idea. King crimson, or what Boss had lent him of his stand to use, sensed his thought, and grabbed both your hands in one arm. Doppio pushed your thighs back and up, effectively bending your knees into your chest and displaying your pussy in such a beautiful way. You cried out, surprised by the sudden movements and embarrassed by how exposed you were, but there was nothing you could do about it. Doppio was just too strong.

The other free hand floated down, spreading your lips apart to give Doppio a nice view before pummeling two of his thick, strong fingers inside of you. You screamed, crying as the fingers curled directly into your sweet spot, massaging with robotic-like precision and speed. The sounds you were making were wet, animalistic, and you were quickly brought close to the brink.

“Perfect, y/n! Just like that, let yourself go! It makes me happy to see a side of yourself you never show anyone else- and you never will to anyone but me! Remember, I'm the one making you feel this good, right y/n? You couldn’t possibly find anything half as wonderful from anyone else but me! Me, got it?!” Doppio exclaimed, his voice cracking and becoming much darker, scarier. For a second, you could swear he looked like a different person entirely, wild, angry and dangerous- but you blinked and Doppio was just as before.

Doppio licked his lips, sweating and anxious, this was good enough to make you love him, right? This was what he had to do to make you happy? Boss’s words from before appeared in his head though, and he remembered how Boss had always been right before. Doppio trusted him, and was determined to win you over. Doppio let go of one of your legs-you seemed adequately distracted and restrained to get away from him- and unzipped his fly. In truth, he would’ve preferred to get all the way naked with you for the first time, so you could see and feel the real him as well, but clearly the two of you were too desperate and impatient for him to get fully naked. This time.

You whimpered at the sound of a zipper, feeling the fingers pull out of you. You heard the crinkle of a wrapped, and the muffled groan as Doppio probably rolled a condom onto himself, but you were too afraid to look. The strong floating hand, still wet with your juices, gripped your cheek and forced you to look at Doppio, staring you down with much more restraint and calm than he had been. Doppio kissed your cheek, then your lip, and pushed his warm cock achingly slowly, gently, into your waiting pussy.

You couldn’t help yourself from moaning, grabbing at the hands that held you, thrusting yourself onto Doppio’s hard and hot cock. He bit his lip, feeling you twitch and squeeze around him; he was trying so hard to be gentle for you, why were you still making things so difficult. He chuckled to himself, and motioned for King Crimson to let you go; finally you were beginning to relax and enjoy yourself, and he wanted to enjoy every bit of it.

Without thinking, you wrapped your arms around Doppio, holding him close to you. Your mind was a mess, your body even messier, you didn’t know what to think or do about your abducter/rapist fucking you so tenderly, and you were tired of fighting. So you let him fuck you, slowly and gently and way way emotionally. Doppio wiped away new tears you hadn’t realized were there, shushing you, “It’s okay, my sweet y/n. Just relax and let me do the work. Don’t fight it any more, just let go.” He whispered, pressing kisses into your lips and cheeks far too sweetly.

So you did, you relaxed and sank into the mattress, pulling Doppio down with you. He let go of your thighs, and held you tightly to him as he fucked-no, made love to you. He gradually picked up the pace, huffing and whispering words of admiration to you about your body, or how much he adored you. You took it all limply, the fight having gone out of you and desperate for comfort. The floating arms, which you had forgotten about, reappeared and stimulated your nipples and clit, bringing you closer and closer to the edge.

Doppio sped up as well, he knew this would have to end, but he wanted to make it last as long as possible. This was your first time together, after all. He wanted to make it special. Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him deeper and closer into you. You could feel the spongy head of his dick rub your inside so sweetly, you were starting to get addicted to the feeling. Doppio buried his head into your neck, mumbling nonsense as he pushed in deeper and deeper, faster and faster, as his restraint gave way to passion.

“Y/n I- I don’t know how much longer I can last, but-” He kissed you, as the stroking of your clit sped up. You groaned loudly, you were so close, “Just a bit longer, please~” You begged, biting your lip. Doppio took a deep breath, steeling himself as he was determined to make you come first. He pounded into you, urging you closer and closer, four sets of hands circling your body and drawing out noises and gasps from you out of your control.

“Almost there, please, almost~!!!” You cried, throwing your head back with a final sigh as you came hard and fast, your core heating up and washing over you as Doppio helped you ride it out with clit rubs. Your walls fluttering around him, the face that you made as you came from him, for him, it was too much and he quickly filled his condom inside of you, moaning even louder than you had as he thrust without abandon into your wonderful, most precious place. He didn’t want to stop, thrusting almost to the point of overstimulation, before he had to stop, and collapsed on top of you. He cooed and kissed his praises and thanks into your shoulder and skin, before he noticed the soft sound of you snoring. Poor thing, he chuckled to himself, you’d really worked yourself up.

He reluctantly pulled out, after indulging in 5 minutes of cuddling your sleeping body and listening to your heartbeat. Doppio cleaned the two of you off, and tucked you into the covers of the motel- now would be a good time to set up moving you into your new home. After all, The whole reason you were in the motel is because the moving company Boss had hired to move your things into the main base would take several hours to complete their job, and Boss didn’t want anyone seeing you or Doppio at home. Doppio ruffled your hair as you slept, pulling out his cellphone to check in with Boss and give him the full update he’d requested.

Tonight was going to be very busy.

#sluttbuttstuff #fic #mine #jjba #jojos bizarre adventure #jojo no kimyou na bouken #vento aureo #golden wind #doppio #vinegar doppio #yandere #reader #yandere x reader #doppio x reader #not sfw #yandere prompts

231 notes · View notes

lilhawkeye3 · 4 years

Text

At Arm’s Length

Commander Wolffe x Jedi Reader (gender neutral)

Summary: He may not accept you as part of the 104th, but you’re still one of the Pack— even if you prove so at the highest price.

Warnings: angst and injury

Part 1/10

~~~~~~~~

You may be a senior Padawan, but you still work alongside your Master with his battalion. After all, where better to assign a proficient healer than with one of the GAR’s main aid regiments? You weren’t about to complain.

Or rather, you tried to see the best in the situation and not complain, because you’d seen the hardships of the many people your Master’s battalion had helped... even if your fellow commander hated your guts and thus kept you apart from ever truly getting to know the men you worked alongside with.

He’d been like that since the very beginning, even when his colors were red instead of gray. Never speaking to you more than needed, always with a fierce scowl and usually only when on duty. Only calling you “Commander” or “Padawan,” never even using your last name. His coldness has caused many of the men to consequently be wary of you and avoid interacting outside of duties. Sure, you did have a few of them you considered friends— coincidentally, some of them the men closest to Commander Wolffe— but it still hurt to be kept apart from the rest of the battalion.

You tried not to let your Master see how much the isolation wounded you, especially after you’d accidentally walked back into a briefing room after forgetting your datapad and seen Master Plo with his hand on Wolffe’s shoulder, calling him ad.

No, you’d survive the Commander’s punishment by yourself, even if you didn’t know what you’d done to deserve it. He was the true leader of the battalion, anyways— you shouldn’t even be there.

~~~~~~

This day starts out similar to any other.

You and Commander Wolffe are jointly leading a delivery of food and medical supplies to the outskirts of a war-torn city on a Mid Rim planet. The people there are easier to work with than most and hold no hatred towards the Jedi, so you’re able to take charge with the medicine distribution as you work through healing the most severely injured brought to you. It’s gratifying work, and you’re happy to see the spark of hope that you’re able to bring to your patients’ eyes.

You’ve just wrapped up with the last of them and have fallen back into a more supervising mode as you try and catch your breath. Healing is strenuous work, and you’d recently found yourself pushing further than you really should. The exhaustion rarely ever leaves your bones anymore.

It seems you’ll be unable to have any reprieve, however, and you try to hold in a sigh as you see Commander Wolffe approaching you. “Commander?” You ask, trying to fix your stance to hide your weariness.

He doesn’t seem to notice it. “Got any reason for just standing around?” He huffs, and you can clearly hear the poorly hidden ire in his tone. “Tryin’ to make the place look pretty?”

His scornful addition only serve to further frustrate you, and you try to keep yourself calm, knowing he’s probably looking for a fight. “I only needed a moment to myself, Commander. I Force-healed more civilians today than I have in the same time frame before...” You trail off for a moment to catch your breath, but he takes advantage of your pause.

“You think you’re the only one who’s working your shebs off right now?” He growls, leaning slightly towards you. “Well, suck it up—”

Your eyes narrow and you take a step towards him. “Excuse me, as I was saying, if I try to help any more right now, I will suffer from Force-exhaustion and pass out. Either way, I’d only get in the way if I try to help the men now.”

He begins to speak, his frustration palpable both in his bright Force signature and his low voice. You’re unable to focus on what exactly he’s saying though, as something on the outskirts of your senses catches your attention. You look around discretely, trying to figure out where it’s coming from.

“—are you even listening? You can’t even take this seriously—”

And then you feel it— something on the edge of your senses, a warning through the Force. Your reaction is instinctive and while you start moving before you fully comprehend why, your mind is at peace with your path.

You throw yourself in front of Wolffe just in time to take the shots meant for him.

His helmet may be on, but you can feel the tidal wave of shock and anger and, to your surprise, fear course through him as his arms wrap around your waist when you begin to fall forward into his chest. He cradles you against his plastoid armor as he drags you toward the ground, out of range of any following shots. It’s a good thing he does, as somewhere above the growing static in your ears, you hear the sound of more blasterfire erupting.

The fire spreads through your chest with every breath you suck in, and you find your eyes locking onto the gray paint strokes on his helmet as the Commander barks out orders to the men. You try and focus on that as the pain threatens to make you cry out, and consequently it takes several frantic shouts of your name— your actual name— for you to hazily move your gaze to where you know Wolffe’s eyes are staring back at you.

“You’re going t’be fine,” he says, shifting his hold on you so that you’re tipped more securely against his chest. “General Plo is clearing the path for us to get you out of here.” His fingers slightly tighten on you. “You stay with me, yeah? Just keep fighting, y’hear me?”

You don’t have the energy to give more than a slight nod, but you’re still able to sob as Wolffe stands and begins to run with you in his arms. Each step jostles you against his armor, making the pain worse. He tries to counter it with a constant low murmur of apologies and repetitions of your name to ensure you’re still awake, which you desperately grab onto as a distraction.

It becomes too much at a certain point, and you must pass out in agony somewhere in his flight, because the next thing you’re aware of is opening your eyes to find the duristeel ceiling of a LAAT/i above you as you’re lifted onto the craft in a cot. A moan escapes your lips unbidden as consciousness returns the pain at heightened levels, and you shut your eyes tight in an effort to keep your tears from spilling. You’re their commander. You can’t show the extent of your injury. Your men have suffered worse than this.

And yet, as each breath becomes shallower and more difficult to inhale, you find yourself crying out desperately and weakly. “Wolffe...”

Your left hand has begun to clench tightly at your light gray robes as you swallow the worst of your cries, but time stands still once more when an armored hand gently eases your hold on the fabric and weaves their fingers through yours instead. Their other hand finds your forehead and rests there lightly. The comforting gestures don’t lessen your agony, but they offer a mental reprieve from it, if only for a few moments.

The rational side of you knows this isn’t the Commander. He would never abandon his men while they’re still fighting, and besides, he can hardly stand the sight of you.

But the other half of you that can feel yourself dying takes control of the moment as it tries to distract you from your fear by letting you pretend that for just a few seconds, Wolffe was with you and he cared.

Besides, who would it harm? As your eyes began to flicker shut despite the frantic shouts of the trooper clutching your hand—Comet, you recognized— you doubted you’d be opening them again anyways.

~~~~~~

Do y’all want a part 2? This is only the beginning of their story but idk if anyone is interesting in reading it lol. Let me know!

PART 2

#commander wolffe #commander wolffe x reader #commander wolffe x you #gender neutral reader #oops the angst is back #star wars the clone wars #the wolfpack #104th battalion #padawan reader #jedi healer #fanfiction #star wars fanfic #hawk’s drabbles #tcw #cc 3636 #at arm’s length

399 notes · View notes

the-incapable-hero · 3 years

Text

So uh... I made these on a whim and I couldn't stop. This ended up being longer than I wanted it to be and I still have more ideas. I guess if you want more then let me know? Idk I've never done this before but if you want I could also try doing this for other characters? Maybe. Anyway, enjoy.

Ranboo general headcanons

He likes temperature extremes

Like he prefers it to be super hot or super cold

It keeps his mind in the moment and the cold gives him nostalgia while the hot reminds him of physical contact

That being said he's gotten super tolerant to extreme temperatures and is getting more and more used to it

Why else would he jump in lava so much and walk through his campfire while he lives with barely any walls in a tundra?

Dude is a master at baking and making sweet treats

Before he learned the trick with picking up and placing blocks, he would stress bake

Thanks to this his skill is insane

It's to the point where you could essentially give him an assortment of vaguely edible things and he'd probably be able to make something that tastes like it was made by a professional

Though this does mean that he ends up with a lot of extra sweets

He once made so many cookies that he had to ask the entire SMP twice over if they wanted some just to finish the batch

They appreciated it, but there were definitely some pastries left to expire on shelves and in chests

Techno and Phil get the brunt of it too

It's not like they don't appreciate it, but they've made it a tradition to include any animals that were able to eat Ranboo's treats without getting sick

Ranboo started making pumpkin cookies that dogs could eat because of this

Related to this: gifts and chores

He gives gifts like you would not believe and will do so many chores for Techno and Phil

Their house has never been cleaner

Interestingly enough, Ranboo only ever cleans Phil and Techno's house and never his own

The most he'll do is shovel snow out of the way so that he can actually enter his shack

Does he hit his head on doorways?

Yes

Constantly

There's legitimately a little collection of nicks in the wood of Techno and Phil's doorframe where Ranboo's crown would scuff the wood

Boy has no posture either

He slouches so much and can't bring himself to fix it

It's uncomfortable to him, but he's seen people give him looks when he stands at his full height so now it's a habit for him to be constantly curled in on himself

That being said, when he stands up straight, people are always surprised at least a little because man is a tree

He's surprisingly agile for his size and he uses this to his advantage when fighting mobs or in the rare case he'd actually fight someone

Though I did say agile and not strong

He's… not exactly heavy lifter

It's not like he's weak, he's just not as physically strong as the majority or the people on the server so it makes him look a lot less strong in comparison

He also has the best handwriting on the server

He can write super fast but it looks super nice and legible

He can also do a few styles of calligraphy so people ask him to make banners and stuff sometimes

When he looks people in the eye normally, he just gets really uncomfortable and it amplifies any negative emotion he's feeling

When he's in his "sleepwalk state", his stare is a lot worse

Instead of just affecting him, it affects both him and the person staring at him

They're both frozen, similar to being frozen by fear until one of them can gather enough willpower to look away which can take anywhere from a few seconds to a handful of minutes

He could potentially do this when he's not in his sleepwalk state, but his mind probably wouldn't allow him to neither remember nor stay out of his sleepwalk state so he'd probably just lose his consciousness

He can't teleport, but his footsteps are so quiet that at least a few people on the server think that he can and is just hiding it

He has a really high pain tolerance as well after getting stuck in a loop of him crying then the tears hurting him which causes him to cry more

Thanks to this as well as his temperature tolerance, he's freaked a few people out

He was with Phil at one point and they were going through the nether

Poor Ranboo got shot at by a ghast and while he wasn't hit directly, the fire charge grazed him

Cue his suit being caught on fire and some very ugly looking burns

He didn't say anything about the burns and barely flinched at the fire do Phil didn't even notice at first

Until they got out of the nether of course

"Uh, Ranboo?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you on fire?"

Ranboo: *looks down at arm*

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. Whoops."

Phil: *confused and protective noises as he drags Ranboo to a brewing stand for regen potions*

Another time he freaked Tubbo out because he got cut on something sharp and didn't even notice until Tubbo pointed out the blood that was staining his shirt

Now for the yikes question: does he have scars on his face from crying?

Sort of

There's no visible scars except for at the corners of his eyes and slightly below that place where the tears gather

The rest is actually not noticeable unless he's in a specific light or if you're actually touching his face

The scars are there and you can easily tell because there are rough streaks on his face, similar to callouses

#ranboo #ranboolive #headcanon #long post #dream smp #so uh #not sure if it's obvious but i haven't been able to stop thinking about ranboo #is that sad? maybe. do i care? nope

67 notes · View notes

bthump · 3 years

Note

If you were Miura's chief assistant and decided to end Berserk in a couple of chapters, how would you do it (ofc it'd be an open and abrupt ending, but still)?

hmm interesting question. this is tricky lol, all the endings I like to imagine require like, another arc of build up to work.

well, casca sees moonlight boy, remembers fetus, flashes back to eclipse bc that's all interconnected in her mind, behelit opens. i know that much lol.

OK I KNOW. Casca sacrifices moonbaby which is not a werebaby but is an astral projection by the fetus griff grew out of or whatever. Sacrificing it removes any fetus influence from Griff. OH that's why NGriff is here also, and it's a bit of a fakeout, like, it seems like he showed up bc fate required him to be sacrificed but then only the fetus part is sacrificed and it actually maybe makes him more undefeatable, oh no. also maybe he gets a black swordsman femto-esque villain moment where he gloats about this. Or if not him, Ubik does.

This would be better if Griff takes off and we got a whole nother arc in between but w/e, so basically Casca goes monster, Farnese is also there and like, power of friendship convinces her to chill and not get between Guts and Griff, bc I need them to just fight without distractions. idk. or maybe she does try to attack Griff too and Guts goes beast of darkness and injures her. whatever.

guess they're still in the vortex for this bc elfhelm being around would be too much to deal with. Femto goes back to Griff form to taunt Guts and they sword fight and the godhand just think it's funny I guess. void is like, 'really guys, do we have to do this' and slan's like 'shut up i'm trying to watch the show' and griff is basically toying with guts. Oooh also their commentary tells us that Griff is not all powerful, like 'yeah sure he's got the advantage, but after all he did return to that pitiful human form, and the black swordsman is full of surprises, don't count him out yet' that kinda thing.

from guts' beasty pov griff is a shining light in front of him.

uhhhh this can't go on too long bc you said only a few chapters lol. so like, it's not an epic battle, it's just guts trying and ngriff easily evading/countering him.

hmm Guts being all hidden away in the armour makes it harder to get a moment for NGriff to fuck up because of his feelings which obviously have not actually gone with the fetus :/ Well okay, how about Griffith ends up standing on the dragonslayer and they both have a whole ~moment~ where they stop and stare at each other. Kiiinda want Guts' consciousness to return here but it might be too much. Hm. Actually yeah, ok here's what happens: from Guts' pov we get a whole bit where he remembers human Griff and his consciousness returns, his helmet retracts, they fuckin make eye contact, Griff smiles, and then Guts sends them both over the edge of a platform.

Bc they're in the escher room from yk chapter 7 and also the swirl of hell souls is there below them. gotta mention that.

griff grabs the edge of the platform, guts grab his hand, they look at each other again, maybe guts is like, 'i'm not letting go this time,' if i want to be really heavy handed about it, close up of their hands - and griffith is holding on just as tightly to guts' hand. then griffith's fingers slip.

during their fight we also got a moment with casca and injured farnese, bc yeah I guess what I'm saying is Casca tried to attack and Guts fucked her up and now she's huddled in a corner with Farnese. And their moment is something like Casca, in mostly humanoid form, knocking Farnese aside with "a what are you doing, didn't you see what happened? what I became?" while F is trying to bandage a gaping wound and Farnese coming back and resuming with something like "Stop it, I'm staying right here at your side." They just need /something/ vaguely conclusive and hopeful, bc I'm not brainstorming an epilogue montage lol.

So yeah. idk maybe the final panel should be Casca and Farnese clinging to each other, while the godhand retreat, with Guts and Griff's swords lying on the ground.

so let's see that's like, 1 chapter for behelit to open, 1 chapter to make sacrifice, 1 chapter of everyone going holy shit and guts going beast of darkness and injuring casca, 2 chapters fighting, 1 chapter end. Rushed, like even just this should be like 10 chapters with an epilogue, but can't really help that.

That said, if you literally just meant a couple chapters as in two chapters, thennnnnnnnnn fuck it, moonbaby transforms into Danann who tells Guts she helped guide them all there and asks what he's going to do now, Guts looks back at Casca and Farnese and smiles sadly and asks for a lift off the island, alone this time, without even Puck. Danann gives him a magic thing that unlocks the fast travel system and mentions that Griffith can use it too, and in fact he's on the move right now (bc we gotta have some explanation for griff's disappearing act). Maybe with some implication that Griff knows he’s off to meet Guts for a final duel or whatever lol. (And the assumption is he can manifest clothes and armour. Or is it. Maybe that’s the secret hint they’re actually going to fuck when they meet up.) The last page is like, Guts walking into a portal or whatever, shot of his pouch ft behelit, shot of the brand, shot of him from behind with dragonslayer slung over his back, doublechecking he’s got a condom in his wallet.

lmao i spent all those paragraphs on the long ass first answer trying to squeeze in as much of the stuff I like as I could but honestly the 2nd one is way better when you don’t have any opportunity for build up and it has to be v truncated. Just Guts going off alone back on his revenge bender. i’m leaving my stream of consciousness answer as is anyway.

ty for asking! this was fun :3

#ask #b #theme: ending #headcanons #canon continuation #Anonymous

21 notes · View notes

lilyclawthorne · 3 years

Text

Separate Tides Thoughts

HAPPY SEASON 2 PREMIERE DAY!!

This is literally just a bunch of very stream of consciousness writing, from pretty much every time i had a thought about something while rewatching the episode so it may be messy/all over the place

my immediate concern about these videos luz is sending that aren’t going through, is what if the emperor does manage to even briefly open a portal?? would all of her messages suddenly go through only to not be able to contact again?? and maybe that’s why it kinda looks like a detective/conspiracy board behind camila in the trailer because she has plenty of information from luz herself that she now needs to piece together.

completely unimportant detail but i figured lilith’s gem was like eda’s, in how eda’s gem seems to be a part of her, but we can see in luz’s video that it seems to be attached to lilith’s old dress so just what the fuck is up with eda having a gem in her body

also the fact that they decided to be bounty hunters was odd to me, but it’s clear they really need the money. it was also clear later on that not only did eda not want luz to go after the selkidomus to keep her safe, but also because it was an innocent creature. part of me can’t help but wonder if internally a part of eda didn’t want to go after bigger bounties because having once been the biggest bounty herself, she knows that if the emperor wants them that badly then they may actually not be bad at all

i hate that last season everyone was cheering for eda to be freed, but now without magic they’re very willing to take advantage of her and talk about her. it’s mean and i expected public gossip to happen more for lilith for being a traitor, but then again people may not know about her magic yet so maybe they do still fear her a bit. all of this kinda tells me though that people bought belos’ crap about eda being stripped of her magic because she’s a wild witch, so they’re all judging her again

i love how bitter lilith is about the golden guard. also teen? kinda curious if any of our teens would’ve known him when very young or if he was raised specifically for this role

i like the detail on belos’ statue where there’s a crack over his eye around the same spot luz broke his mask

love how much eda cares for luz and puts her needs first and buying her the only foods she can digest and likes. such a mom. it’s also very clear that she’s struggling and doesn’t want luz to worry about it at all. also side note, love that lilith was asking about apple blood, pls let these sisters get drunk together.

it does not surprise me that eda likes to bring up the curse pretty casually as a retort back at lilith. it seems very in her nature to use it like that, but i can’t help but wonder if she’s avoiding actually addressing it. and if she keeps joking, will that affect lilith into like, idk a breakdown that forces the two of them to talk about it.

LULU?? BESTIE?? thanks hooty i hate it

Luz you’re doing amazing sweetie, show them you’re no sea squirt.

okay so now we can clearly see lilith’s magic is on it’s last legs. almost got herself fucking killed by some fire bees. that being said i’m very concerned about her whole “who am i without magic? without a coven?” i think she kinda misses the structure, and is still used to only knowing what to do simply because she had a leader to follow.

“I AM A WITCH, UNHINGED” i think she’ll be adapting to the chaotic nature of the owl house crew in no time though if she keeps acting like this

“some kind of weird bird worm” i mean she’s not wrong....

“you have no idea what im going through” dramatic emo ass bitch

it does not surprise me that after pardoning eda, the coven would jump at the first opportunity to arrest her again. pretty sure she’ll be a wanted criminal again in no time.

golden guard very much concerns me. villains that go from really fun to intimidating or threatening as fast he seems to do here are ones i worry about. it kinda feels like he enjoys scaring people?? idk im not sure how to describe it. anyways threatening to hold them over the boiling seas where even the steam will give them third degrees feels really fucking cruel but maybe im empathizing here because at the time of writing this im still suffering from second degree burns i got three weeks ago so third degree sounds horrifying rn

love how excited lilith is seeing hooty at work when she’s not the one getting beaten up.

I’m glad luz and eda are talking about luz’s guilt and that eda knows what she’s been carrying around now. i didn’t want to see luz carry around all that guilt for so long she’s too good for that AND its misplaced guilt.

i do love though how at the beginning of the episodes we see the lengths eda will go to by prioritizing food for luz first and doing everything she can to keep the girl safe, and then we come back full circle to seeing the lengths luz is willing to go to for eda as well

“my life is pretty great because i’m friends with luz the human” brb im CRYING.

Luz is SO clever. This girl is so smart and creative and her solution for helping the selkidomus is just wonderful. And also look at that fake selkidomus she made!! That is amazing!!

pls the raspberry Luz gave the golden guard was adorable

i LOVE the parallel between eda doing her first light glyphs and when luz did her first ones. i’m also glad eda didn’t struggle with the glyph like i’ve seen some people worry could have happened

just occurred to me that eda mentioned the gris will sell at the night market. its probably nothing but does make me concerned about them becoming night market vendors instead.

HOOTCIFER? thanks lilith i hate it. also combine it with lulu and you get lucifer.

it’s hard to hear but as we go further into the scrying potion and see the emperor, and the very end of the “what are we eating” conversation that’s fading out from the owl house we hear lilith say “i’m fine with whatever, things are starting to feel right again” and idk if she means since she left the coven or for the first time since she was a kid but either way im so glad to hear it

also my brother pointed out belos is probably saying “knock knock human” because he knows he’s being spied on by the owl house with the potion and i hate that because if the emperor takes any action because of it, it’ll probably be another lilith fucked up moment because she didn’t think it through.

also, one other thing i couldn’t help but do in this episode was notice some parallels between luz and lilith! they’re both going out of their way to try and do something for eda, and are both insistent that they have to do this alone. but also lilith’s line about “you have no idea what im going through” really did make me think perhaps underneath everything she has a dramatic personality, and luz does too at times for fun and wouldn’t it be cute if they got along over something like that.

also this episode? great for pictures of lilith with messy hair, of her screaming, or general annoyance, so, enjoy:

pls i love this face and the noise she makes at this moment as well as her little ear twitch ^

this is my favorite messy hair screenshot simply because it looks SO fluffy here and i want that for her ^

this particular screenshot ain’t about lilith, it’s about the face eda is making here and how cute it is!! ^

#the owl house #toh #owl house #separate tides #posting before my job starts and I end up busy until 6 pm 🙃

17 notes · View notes

krosaceae · 3 years

Note

1, 3, 5, 15 :)

Fanfic Writer Questions! Feel free to send me an ask :)

Thanks a ton for the ask! I'll be answering all these in regards to Barriers, quite possibly the world's most self-indulgent Graire fic (Read on AO3 or FFN)

1. If you had to create a soundtrack for your story, what songs would you choose? Why?

Damn, this is so hard considering how much music I listen to while writing/planning Barriers. I do name my chapters after songs that inspired me while writing said chapter, so I figure my soundtrack would end up being those songs.

There are over 20 songs on that bad boy, and I already feel like this post is going to be long, so you can view/listen to the playlist HERE! I’ll continue updating it as I post new chapters :-)

As for why I picked these songs… or really why I pick any of the songs on any of my playlists. It’s all about the feels, how the music and the lyrics come together to take me to a place I need to go to be creative. You know the feel you get when you listen to a song, and it just reminds you of an emotion, a place, a memory, etc.? I’m not sure if that makes sense lol, but the mood that a song creates in my little Brain World helps me find words to put on the page. Music a lot of the time helps interface Brain Scenes into Written Word, and these songs above did just that… and happened to have names that I enjoyed as chapter titles lmao.

Either way, I do have some Barriers playlists that I will shamelessly plug here.

Gray’s playlist

Claire’s playlist

The ~Graire~ playlist

Rest is under the cut because ya girl went in hehe

3. If you had to direct a scene from your fic, what would you choose? Why? What would it look like? What techniques would you use to convey certain emotions? What would the set look like?

Oooh. Hands down Chapter 8, the Fireworks Festival, particularly when Gray finds out that Claire’s pregnant. AH. Such an emotional scene and I would love to take advantage of the fireworks in the background. I’ll be honest that I don’t watch very many movies, and I’m not a director in the slightest, so I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about.

So obviously our set is Claire’s farm at night. I imagine everything dark and quiet outside, the only light being Claire’s house. Almost shooting that bitch like a scary movie at first because like, Gray is terrified and I’d want viewers to feel that same way.

When Gray finally finds Claire and she’s on the verge of losing her shit, you zoom in on the tears, the soaked blanket, just Claire’s general state of disarray (which at this point, is out of character for the way she's presented herself) the way she grips Gray’s shirt, etc. And once she finally starts talking I picture the camera just focused on the two of them, because Gray is on the edge of his seat waiting to find out what the fuck is going on and doesn’t see ANYTHING else. Plus the booming fireworks going off in the back just as the situation is getting more intense. Claire would say that she’s pregnant and then the screen would go black lmao.

5. What makes your main ship so compatible? Or, what makes them so incompatible? What do they see in each other?

Oooh. This is complicated, because right now where I’m currently at in the fic it could go either way. As much as I would LOVE to spoil everything, I’m going to speak only for where I’m at in the story.

Gray and Claire are quite compatible at their best, v incompatible at their worst. When the two of them both get out of their head and are real with the other, they work well together. Both are sarcastic, sassy, witty, and have similar senses of humor. They both appreciate the value of hard work and dedication to their craft, and overall, want to be successful in life by their own means. In addition to liking the way the other makes them feel and just like… generally finding the other attractive, I think Claire and Gray admire the other’s drive and passion to some degree. They feel like having someone like that around them (whether it be a friend or… y’know, something else >.>) helps them stay on track. Additionally, some of the things they experienced before moving to town, in addition to experiencing the whole pregnancy thing together, helps them connect and understand each other in ways that maybe others around them can’t. Neither of them likes to be judged, so at times this is conducive to them feeling safe enough to confide things in the other that they may not do with anyone else.

However, Claire and Gray are both also really fucking good at building walls (Hence the name of the fic lol.) and spend a lot of time either hiding, running, or pushing people away. At their worst, their relationship is a grease fire. Both have a tendency to mask how they’re actually feeling for various reasons, despite both of them ALSO valuing honesty from others. It's the hypocrisy for me. Claire’s gut reaction is usually to tell people what she thinks they want to hear, lying for the sake of self-preservation because GOD FORBID she be rejected or be perceived negatively. Gray’s gut reaction is to do or say nothing. He fears vulnerability and doesn’t want to be seen as weak, so if he’s not consciously thinking about it, he’s going to say and do whatever will keep the illusion that he’s got it together. Which is just usually acting unbothered and pushing everything down until he’s beyond bothered. The main issue is that they both also say and do things they don’t mean when upset, and it doesn’t help that for some reason Claire seems to really get under Gray’s skin, and vice versa. Their arguing styles are pretty combative, so without any framework for de-escalating the situation, shit can get pretty nasty between them. Especially when jealousy and other complicated feelings get involved. *Wink wink*

15. Pick a previous relationship (or multiple) of your character’s. Explain how that/those impact the way they navigate their way through relationships now.

Hehe. I’d love to talk about Claire’s previous relationship(s), but I’m going to focus on Gray because he’s the main character and like, major spoilers.

Gray and Mary though. Ah. What a beautifully confusing clusterfuck. There was a lot of push/pull in Mary and Gray’s relationship, and it's intentionally confusing in the fic. Idk if any of you have ever had a friend that you’re really close with, one that you’re crazy about, and you know they like you too, but for whatever reason, they don’t actually want to be exclusive or make it official? Whatever the kids are calling it nowadays. But like yeah. Both loved having the other around and hated the idea of losing them to someone else, even if they couldn’t have them. So on top of their actual friendship was a ‘relationship’ based on impulsive, desperate acts of affection, wobbly boundaries, and evading any actual conversations about it all.

For that reason, Gray is determined to be more open about how he’s feeling rather than sucking it up for the sake of not being lonely. He’s trying to be more honest and expressive instead of holding it all in moving forward, as scary as it is for him. Gray’s relatively been a man of inaction in his relationships (even before Mary), and when he did act, it was usually backed by anger, alcohol, or both. Basically the dude is just trying to take control of his relationships rather than being a passenger.

WHEW. That was a blast! I definitely wrote too much but I super appreciate the ask! <3

#askbox games #fanfic writer asks #barriers #graire #harvest moon #dougs-inn #long post #asks

5 notes · View notes

tar-oh · 4 years

Text

Pick-A-Pile: What you need to hear right now:

This is my favorite kind of Pick-A-Pile to do because you never know what’s going to show up! It’s kind of like a free-for-all! I also forgot to originally add that they’re a little shorter than normal because I felt like doing smaller messages, and because I’ve tried posting this exact post about 3 times, I lost that part of the message. So, here it is now! Remember to take what resonates and choose more than 1 if you feel like it! (also if you’re curious about what cd’s they are, message me! lol idk i know some don’t even have the band on them) So anyway, choose from one the random CD’s I forgot I owned (but all are pretty good albums):

Pile 1:

Cards: The Hierophant, Queen of Wands, New Moon in Leo So, for Pile 1 I just kept hearing “Don't let anyone dim your light”. And I guess the Queen of Wands and the New Moon in Leo card both kind of scream that to me, because there’s a lion in both and it’s really powerful. That, and I always kind of think that when I get the Queen of Wands, and with that deck specifically I see it because it’s so bright with all the light colors. Right now, you're shining and you have things to be proud of. I'm seeing that a lot of you have skills or talents that are really shining through, as well as who you are as a person. There may be people who don't want to see you shine, or don't like what you're doing but honestly the biggest message of this pile is for you to do you. The song that played while I was working on this pile was Adelaide by Ben Folds, and while it doesn't connect completely, it's a song about the narrator being questioned why he always chooses Adelaide the city. He explains many reasons, but the biggest is that he just wants to, so I kind of take that to mean do what makes you happy. Also, side note, I think you should check out piles 5 and 6 if you were torn between any of them. Adelaide - Ben Folds (isn’t the piano and bass in the beginning a perfect combo???) Pile 2:

Cards: 4 of Pentacles, 4 of Cups, Balsamic Moon The biggest message for this pile is about healing. Something left you feeling a loss. This could have been a physical loss, like of a situation or a person, or it could just be that you feel like something is missing. Whatever it was that you went through, you need to heal. I think the best way to do so is to feel the emotions your feeling. Try not to push them away. The songs that played while I was working on this were Mad Woman by Taylor Swift and Headspace by The Wombats. Mad Woman is an angry song, asking the agitator what reaction they expected from the narrator. And, while it's an angry song, she still seems to portray this anger in a graceful manner. I'm getting that some of you may be feeling angry about whatever transpired, but I'm also getting that you need to be able to channel this anger in a healthy way. I personally love doing Kickboxing workouts when I'm really pissed? I don't know! Whatever works for you! With Headspace, the narrator talks about how he wants someone out of his head because she's kind of taking over his "headspace". So, maybe whatever this is keeps replaying in your mind and you can't get away from it. While I do think you need to feel those feelings, I also think for some a small break from your own head may be what's needed. Maybe read a good book or watch a movie or something. I'm not saying keep distracting yourself after already distracting yourself, I'm just saying take a bit of time away from those thoughts. Then, come back and feel. Overall, it will all be okay. It's just the getting there that can be hard, but I know you can get there. And, anyway, I think this is my pile, so I'm literally right there with you guys. Mad Woman - Taylor Swift Headspace - The Wombats Pile 3:

Cards: Judgement, 6 of Pentacles, New Moon in Cancer A new cycle is beginning for you. It could possibly be a spiritual one. Or maybe in a relationship (whether it's platonic, romantic or familial). Either way, you're entering into a period of something new. You may be feeling generous, like you want to give something to help people better themselves and heal. Or, for others, just offering up your time and love. Either way, with the judgement card, I always see it to mean something destined. So, whatever it is you want to do was destined to happen. If you want to go in this direction, it's a good idea. And if you already were heading in this direction, keep up the good work. You guys didn't really get a song, but one that played while I was writing this were the end credits from the movie Lore. It's really pretty and maybe if you're into movie scores, check it out. End Credits by Max Richter from the move Lore (side note, the lady who directed this directed the new Black Widow movie coming out and while Lore is NOTHING like a marvel movie, I highly recommend it since it’s one of my favorites) Pile 4:

Cards: Queen of Cups, 3 of wands reversed, Supermoon Things may be moving slowly for you, or perhaps not moving at all. Maybe you're feeling like your hard work isn't paying off. Or, maybe you're afraid to move forward at all. Or even just being unsure of where to go. Or, maybe like the album you chose, Wiped Out, you’re just feeling a little drained and you don’t really want to move right away. Things will be moving for you soon, so if you're unsure of where you're going, then you will know soon. The Queen of Cups is the queen with the strongest intuition, so I think you know where you're going or how to move it forward, you're just not consciously aware of it right now. I think if you kind of take a minute and dive into your intuition, you'll gain clarity. I also think that if things are feeling stagnant to you, then maybe this period of stagnancy was meant to happen so you could gain the clarity you needed. Whatever it is you're going through, things will be moving and it will all work out. Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Knicks came on when I was writing this, and I think there might be something in there for you. Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Knicks Pile 5:

Cards: The Emperor reversed, Strength (or Fortitude with this deck), First Quarter Moon I'm getting a few different scenarios with this group. Also, if you felt pulled towards group 1, maybe read that one. Maybe 6 if you were drawn to that one too. The first has a couple scenarios within itself too lol. Maybe you're involved with someone (it can be in anyway) that is controlling and not in the good way. For others, maybe someone who has authority over you and is taking advantage of that. So, maybe an age gap or something. Or, just in terms of status (i.e. a boss or parent). Either way, I see that maybe they're abusing this control and I see you being able to stand up for yourself. There's a sense of self-perseverance that's needed here. You need to examine this and see if there is a way for you to make things healthier between the two of you. Otherwise, cutting ties may be needed (though, please take what resonates, but also, if this is Job-related, please know that your life is more important than a job. I know we all need to make money to survive, but also, don't work to the point where you're killing yourself, like if this is causing you that much distress. I’m not talking about if you’re just bored. I mean, that comes with a lot of jobs. I’m talking about mental and physical distress). It could even be that maybe this person has yet to abuse this power, but you feel like they will or are expecting the worst from them. In that case, maybe talk to them about this to ensure it doesn't happen. For the other group (or even both!) this is about following your dreams and not allowing someone to stop you from doing so. Maybe you're afraid things won't work out if you do follow your dreams. You have the strength to achieve them, so what's holding you back? Don't let fear do that. Maybe you're working a little too hard to control the outcome. Loosen your grip on the reigns. Or, for others, you're not in enough control, so you need to tighten the slack. Either way, you have what it takes. The songs that really stood out for me were Soft to Be Strong by Marina and Just Exist by Eliza & the Delusionals. With Marina's song, I see this as being you taking control of your life, but not in a domineering way. And maybe if you're someone dealing with someone else, then this is the way to show them how to be. And with the others who are trying to follow their dreams, it's more of a reminder to still be kind of yourself. Maybe you do try something and you fail. I kind of think of that thing the Robinson's say a bunch in Disney's Meet the Robinson's, "Keep moving forward!", and I definitely equate that with this song and your pile. I mean, not directly, but that’s something else that comes to mind, and with Soft To Be Strong, I see that as maybe you’re worn down, but you can still be strong. With Just Exist, it's kind of about how it would be easier if someone wasn't in their life, so I mean this could be taken literally lol. So, I guess, take what resonates. Soft to be Strong - Marina Just Exist - Eliza & the Delusionals Pile 6:

Cards: 7 of Wands, Ace of Wands, Full Moon in Aries You have ideas that you want to put into action, but you're feeling defensive of them. Like, maybe you're afraid someone will steal them if you share them. I'm kind of here to say So The Fuck What? Like, pretty much everything that's been done HAS been done, but it's YOU that makes it unique. So, what if someone likes your idea and decides to use it? Their take is still going to be different than yours. You can't really succeed if you never try, can you? I mean, it is a different thing if someone outright plagiarizes you, in that case fuck em up. (Okay, I shouldn't really be condoning violence lol) Basically just stop holding back and act! The biggest song I got for you was Dreams by The Cranberries and while it's a love song, I definitely think this can apply to you going after your dreams. Also, if you were between piles, 5 and 1 might be some to check out. Dreams - The Cranberries

#tarot #pick a pile #pick a card

29 notes · View notes

dredshirtroberts · 5 years

Text

Best buckle up buttercupz cause this bout to get splodie

Everything will be under a cut because there is high probability this gets TMI really fuckin’ quick and y’all don’t need that in your lives unless you really give that much of a shit about my bedroom activities.

As those who have been with me previously know, this is all stream of consciousness and also apparently my brain has forgotten most spelling rules so if shit starts not looking like words, it’s not you i promise.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this one. I’ve got...a lot of things to go over.

So. If you’ve been following my adventures as of late, I decided to follow a whim and go with a guy I barely know up to Pittsburgh to help him get all his shit out of his old apartment and bring it back down this way close to where I live.

Things to note about this guy: I met him...uh...2??? weeks ago??? on Bumble which is Tinder but less shitty (but still kinda shitty).

Uh...maybe backing up even more???

*headdesk* oh damn this is a lot hang on.

So. End of April I finally ended things for good with my long term boyfriend. Teal deer, things did not go smoothly there and shit ended badly when I was finally able to move out at the beginning of May. There were like...2ish weeks where we were broke up and I was still living with him.

I’ve had some pretty whacked out emotional responses to this upheaval. I legitimately thought he was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I wanted that. But he was abusive and not willing to take responsibility for his part in the end of our relationship. So that sucked, but I apparently hadn’t loved him in ages so that part was less painful. I have been far more broken up about losing my two boys in the end of the relationship. I legitimately feel like I’ve lost my children and that fucking sucks and no one fucking understands cause 1) they’re cats and 2) no one i know has done this and had to leave their babies, they usually got to keep their babies. and that’s fucking...

ANYWAY.

About a month? ish ago? I decide fuck it I think I can handle brief and casual attachments so I can have regular sex for the first time in YEARS. cause of course we move in together and the well dries up completely so like, that was not fun. Have a high sex drive and apparently he did not. Anyway, having fun meeting dudes, casual sex and figuring out how to navigate single life and hookup culture.

There are a couple guys who are prospective long term candidates but like...idek if that’s what I want out of any of this??? because I’m still healing? and trying to keep my feet up underneath me in more than a few ways. I’m also trying to keep my trauma on the DL cause it’s really fucking easy for people to take advantage of me and my issues - it’s kind of how I keep getting into shit relationship situations.

So, like. Tinder and Bumble are fun because I forget that it’s meant to be for meeting people? I just like being super shallow and “sorting” my choices into “yeah I could see having a connection with that one” and “absolutely the fuck not”. I’m 27 and kind of a terrible person on the inside. I overcompensate by being a fucking kindness deathray so i think there’s balance maybe.

Dude comes across my bumble and the fun thing with bumble is if you’re showing as W4M on there, you get to initiate contact. Which is terrifying at first until you realize you literally only have to say hi. So yeah, dude is hella cute, profile doesn’t suck, I swipe like (right, I think?). It’s a match! I open with a simple hi. basic chitchat, whatever.

we go out for a date to a location close by that I actually trust because oh hey he’s moving down this way and has good taste in bars. Food and drinks are had. Take him back to mine cause like, he’s fuckin GORGEOUS. and funny. and smart.

And he’s like “yeah I’ll spend the night, but I won’t fuck you til we’re sobered up.” Which, i mean, be still my beating heart, yeah? (I WARNED you this was going to be TMI y’all. if this is already too much I totes get it, it’s likely not going to be any better further on). So we go to sleep, and maybe I have a hard time sleepign but I’ve *had* a hard time sleeping. We wake up, do the sexing, and then he buys me coffee. Like, not only did he pay for the entire date the night before, tell me he will not have sex with me while there’s a chance i might be drunk, is just fucking...amazing in bed, but he BUYS ME COFFEE.

So like, alright, this is one I’ll keep around for a while cause I’m doing casual shit, yeah? nothing serious, nothing with attachments. no strings. just free food and sex.

Oh and did I mention he’s a cuddler???? but like? a cuddler that cuddles the way I like cuddling???? do you *know* how hard it is to find that??? I’m apparently very specific in my cuddle preferences.

So whatever, we exchange numbers (which I do not do with people from these apps until I’m comfortable with them). He’s also got multiple girls he’s seeing right now and that’s totally chill and like, it’s clear nothing’s going to go quickly here, just fun.

Talking - he’s very clever and does the sentence making doing well. He and one of the other girls he’s seeing goes up to P-burgh to begin the great migration, he calls me while he’s out there, and he’s got some shit going on in his life and I’m like, that’s some drama you’ve got there. It’s shitty for you, hope it gets better, yeah? They come back down, and he drops by to hang out and grab some of the shit he left at mines. He’s waiting to get into his new place nearby, and he needs a place to stash his stuff and I have a relatively safely located appartment so I’m like. I think I got a corner for some shit. Then he’s like “hey, wanna go to [area he’s moving to where his parents also live]” and I’m like, sure. I’m down for a quick road trip.

we’re out that way and he’s like “Hey there’s this park this way and there’s a lodge or whatever I think you’ll like” and I”m like, “k I like parks!” and as we travel out and he’s telling me about it I’m realizing this is not like...slide and swingset park, this is national park style stuff. And I’m like ‘Oh shiiiit I know where we’re going he’s right I do like it!’ we get out there and it’s rainy but we hike a little for s&gs, and then he’s like let’s go inside and all the sudden we’re getting a room for the night???? and this is not your momma’s motor-hotel on the side of the road, this is a kinda swanky lodge and i’m like???? okay???? wish i’d known or i’da packed better for an overnight???

so like...yeah I have a great time, it’s beautiful out there. Like...idk if any of you are familiar with the Blue Ridge Mountains, but the fuckin’...the Parkway y’all. Is one of my favorite places to be and this is right the fuck there and it’s great. The weather’s nice, the food is delicious, clearly I enjoy the company, I have a blast.

We stay the night, get up in the morning and head back to mine and we chill for a minute and I change clothes cause eww i’m wearing clothes I’ve hiked in. I get comfy and ready for a nice day chillin at home. And he’s like “So. Wanna come up to Pittsburgh with me?” I’m now I’m familiar with his planning methods which are none. So i figure it’s a quick overnight, maybe 2 nights and I’m like “Fuck it, sure.” I pack a little better but I’m wearing my contacts and I’m like “I can totally sleep in these a couple nights and be fine” and I just kinda...am in his car on a 7+hr drive to Pennsylvania.

And he’s really easy to get along with. Of course for some reason my period just shows up 3 weeks early out of fucking nowhere which put a little damper on shit but I didn’t have to worry because we weren’t only spending a couple nights up there. We spent nearly a week up there for...reeaassoonnnns?????

I wait til day 3 and I’m like “So...uh, idk if you know this but I had no idea we’d be up here this long or i’d have brought another outfit? and some toiletries?” And he is like... “Um...I didn’t mean to like, abduct you or anything. do you need me to take you back???” To which I respond that all I want is an idea of how long he’s planning on being up there so i can best make adjustments where necessary and that the only date I *have* to be back for is my sister’s bday which is Friday.

This is all fine and we work it out, but I realize that he doesn’t do “planning” apparently. So I get really good at being proactive with trying to figure out what his expectations are.

He’s your typical 28yo white cishet dude. You know what I’m talking about, so some of the stuff I expressed concerns with, I am trying to temper with the fact that he’s literally just as dumb about the world as my dad is and my dad’s a decent person - an idiot about how the world actually works but a decent person.

And like? It’s really annoying being near him because he does everything the way I specifically like it? And I never said a damn thing??? because I don’t talk about my particular eccentricities wrt my preferences in how i like being touched/shown affection/cuddled? So he wouldn’t know???

Really fucking annoying cause I’m trying very hard to make it so my heart doesn’t take over when I’m really trying hard to be chill and casual and clearly he is just wanting to be casual and shit but then he says things? and it’s like...so off-handed and flip but gives my heart the flutters because?? maybe there’s more than just a small potential?

I get real tetchy on my period and put up with a lot less, i was also less than properly medicated so that did not help, but like...I never got to the point I used to get to with my exes where I just...couldn’t handle being around them or their normal ass selves. This guy does things that are annoying sure, and I had less patience for it than normal and then like 2 seconds later he’s literally out of one of my romantic fantasies about how i would like the perfect guy to treat me? and be around me?

*sigh*

Anyway, I had a great time in Pittsburgh cause I’d never been and he found my weakness because I’m a ho for some museums and art and shit and he took me to the carnegie mellon museums and let me just wander around like a doof with my jaw on the floor the whole time. Also we did some other stuff and he took me to Fallingwater which was like an hour or so away from P-burgh but was soooo cooooool.

Oh and I didn’t even mention the real kicker in all of this. He *gets* what i’m going through because he’s been in my shoes previously and it’s fucking mindblowing so he knows what to say and how to do the nice? and like???

IT’S NOT FUCKING FAIR I’M NOT READY FOR THIS SHIT HEART. YOU GOTTA LEAVE ME BE AND LET ME JUST APPRECIATE THAT HE’S PRETTY OKAY???

I hate the universe. Thanks tho, U-girl. I know you got my back.

so. That’s what’s been going on. Got back home safely, he’s got his own place like 30mins to an hour away, easier access to the other girls he’s seeing right now, and I have time to properly process and catalog my thoughts before I see him again.

Cause I’m gonna. He’s *damn* good in bed.

#life post #no really there's a lot of TMI in here #read at your own risk #ya girl's a disaster panda still but at least i'm chill about it rn

1 note · View note

axiolotl · 6 years

Note

Ur RPG characters: 35, 41, 43, 49

!!! thank you joel! i will be doing these for my three tabletop RPG characters: Raina, Petra and Eudora.

(for reference, Raina is badass bounty hunter/lesbian Garrus, Petra is a cocky pirate with a mean streak, and Eudora is a nymph unwillingly torn from the fey realm for a crazy wizard)

i’m gonna put these under a read more because OOOOH MOMMY they got long

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure?

Raina: I think her guiltiest pleasure is watching Reese’s cop dramas. Raina endlessly criticizes and scoffs at every aspect of the shows, claims it’s inaccurate to actual police practices, then discourses about how actual police practices suck, and will generally always say that she hates everything the shows stand for. But week after week… Raina is there with Reese, watching the newest episode or marathoning a new show Reese has found. I don’t think she’d ever admit how much she enjoys them.

Her unguiltiest pleasure, special interest, entire life, is her love of collecting new weapons, maintaining her current ones, looking up new mods and models… I don’t think she has any shame in talking about weapons extensively; their uses, their flaws, their innovations … she has a subscription to Combat Monthly and god forbid you get stuck with Raina in a conversation where the topic is on guns. you’ll never be able to leave.

Petra: Guilty pleasure: She still loves hearing tales of adventure and epic poems told ‘round the campfire or after a night of drinking. Even if they’re the same tall tales everyone has heard since they were kids; she is always fond of them.

Unguilty pleasure: bread, sweets, basically anything baked. she’d always loved them, but she does even more now that her…lover? boyfriend? soulmate? is a professional baker. He always gives her a huge stock of breads every time she goes out on another contract on the seas.

Eudora: Guilty pleasure: It’s hard to say, because she’s lived in the midst of nature and magic for so long, she didn’t really have any concept of not enjoying something wholly and truthfully, or putting up a farce about whether she enjoys or dislikes something. I think I’ll have to play her more in the mortal world to figure that out!

Unguilty pleasure: Mercilessly teasing and tormenting Octavious, the magician who unwillingly summoned her from her home fey realm. She finds no guilt and does not hide the fact that she enjoy the small rebellious things she can do, considering the terms of her summoning requires Eudora to follow direct orders. But Octavious doesn’t give direct orders unless necessary, almost as a sign of respect. In Eudora’s mind, he already committed the ultimate act of disrespect by taking away her independence, and finds that Octavious deserves no respect, grace, or tact from her.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

Raina: Actually Raina was originally bisexual, but there was so much discussion over her being lesbian, and it actually starting feeling more and more true. Physically, she likes women shorter/smaller than her, because she likes the feeling of being physically larger for protection…..and….well she’s a top ok………………………..Mentally she likes women who are on a similar level of thinking, and can keep up with her banter, usually someone who knows how to bite back when it comes to an insult. Raina will never admit this, and probably doesn’t realize it consciously, but she likes having relationships with unstable and truly dangerous women who enable her questionable judgement, because it still somehow feels like a rebellion against her father. What Raina NEEDS is someone who will enable her sense of justice and compassion and will not take advantage of it. She needs someone who can stand by her in combat, but is still okay with feeling protected. Someone she feels is safe enough to open up to.

Petra: I actually think Petra is straight. I keep trying to think of her as pan, or bi, but it’s like she’s resisting it in my head. Physically, she finds men with muscles but also a bit of chub on them attractive. Almost like a lumberjack type of bod. Mentally, she loves someone who will entertain her more fanciful thoughts and plans, and challenge her to be at the top of her game. Since she’s currently in her first healthy relationship with a fisherman-turned-baker named Theo, she’s learning that she needs someone softspoken and gentle, with an underlying strength and protectiveness (she does not consciously realize that she has never felt protected, and having someone who cares protect her is Huge). Someone who gives her a quiet place to be, but doesn’t restrict her when she needs to feel her freedom on the sea.

Eudora: i’m going to be honest joel i’ve been in a worldbuilding black hole for at least three hours since i started contemplating this question about whether nymphs even understand sexual attraction on a base level considering they don’t need to reproduce, so im just going to say: I DON’T KNOW Eudora is so otherworldly and ephemeral that i could never try to understand how she views beauty and sexuality

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

I’m going to say that neither Petra, Raina, or Eudora are particularly religious, for different reasons. Raina finds no solace or comfort in any sort of thought of a higher god, and has found that she can only rely on herself - even if a higher being did exist, it hasn’t helped her so far. In the D&D world there’s no denying the existence of gods and magic, but Petra doesn’t like the restrictions of organized religion, she never liked visiting the local temples. Being a pirate, she believes in a LOT of superstition and spirits and magic. Eudora is not religious because she *is* immortal, and fey at that. She is inherently a free spirit, and may even openly mock a god’s need for a religion to follow them.

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

Raina: hmmm! I think Raina is sentimental, but I don’t think to too many objects. She’s probably sentimental about their ship, the Cydonia, and her two favorite SMGs, but I think her sentimentality, while guarded, comes more from her friends than things. I don’t think she has any sort of things she Needs on her at all times.

Petra: Petra is definitely sentimental; while her cutlasses may be the most valued for their utility, she has a dull fish hook hanging on a chain around her neck that she never takes off. Theo gave it to her, the last vestiges of his life as a fisherman, as a symbol of his love and his understanding of the wonders of the sea. Since she’s a big superstitious pirate and secretly a BIG SOFTY, it’s quickly become her good luck charm.

Eudora: this is another point where it’s like?? idk?? do nymphs value objects or see separate objects in nature as one whole part of beauty?? gamewise, Eudora started out with nothing in her inventory whatsoever. for weapons she summons a bow that is soul bound and ethereal and? she got an item after fighting in a material plane and was like “??? what do with this??” and the party said “keep it, in case you need it later” and it’s like?? nature has always provided everything? hello? and had to make a lil sling bag outta leaves to keep but it’s weird for her. so the answer is……….no

jesus christ joel i can’t tell you how long i spent contemplating these questions but it was SO enjoyable I LOVE YOU

#raina cornwell #raina #frontier heroes #petra sykes #eudora #long post #(in case the read more breaks on mobile)

3 notes · View notes

abadpoetwithdreams · 7 years

Text

Nirvana in Fire Episode 4 Reaction

I thought this would be a fast episode to recap/review, but no. It wasn’t. A LOT HAPPENS. Most importantly? This is the episode where we really, finally get introduced to Jing (and, in a way, to Lin Shu himself) and that whole scene is so important!!! Also there’s the subplot with the slave kids, and the threat of Ni Huang’s impending marriage, and now there’s a subplot TO that subplot about her being in danger from someone, PLUS we FINALLY learn what Lin Shu is ultimately trying to do here in the court, and aaaaaahh. So much goodness! I got a little misty-eyed, even? That’s how good it is. It doesn’t bode well for my poor emotions in later episodes. Will this show ever have a filler episode that I can summarize my reaction to in, like, a single paragraph??? I’m guessing not. But I’m okay with that because I’m enjoying it so much.

Back to this episode, episode 4, we start where we left off with the fight from last episode, with Jing Rui getting flung across a table by Baili Qi. The emperor intervenes and stops the fight before anyone (meaning poor Jing Rui) gets seriously hurt, but in the pause afterwards he notices that Chang Su (who DID manage to swallow all that tangerine without dying, I am very proud of him) is leaning over whispering in a smiling Ni Huang’s ear. So of course the Emperor demands to be let in on whatever secret is being told.

And how cute is the sight of Mei Chang Su and Ni Huang whispering mischievously to each other at the EMPEROR’S OWN TABLE, so to speak? The answer, my friend, is pretty dang cute. They look like they’ve reverted to being a couple of children together. Ni Huang’s so comfortable and close with him, it reeeeeally feels like she instinctively recognizes him and it’s like her brain is just waiting to catch up with her heart which is already making her treat him like a lifelong friend, even if she doesn’t consciously realize it yet. Then again, she seemed already so intrigued from the first instant she saw him … I really want to know what he was telling her; I don’t think he was telling her the stratagem he was about to put into play, because he did seem surprised when she caught on so fast, but he could have been acting so idk. Maybe he just told her to follow his lead. Or maybe he literally just told her what he tells the Emperor he was saying: that Baili Qi is a strong but badly-trained warrior who could undoubtedly be defeated by children.

(Chang Su acts embarrassed as he admits this but COME ON. He is LOVING it.)

The whole room gasps. This is a massive insult delivered by an honored guest in front of the most important people in the kingdom. They are electrified with horror, shocked amusement, and intrigue (and, in the case of Northern Yan’s group: outrage).

And Mei Chang Su, THIS TROLL, puts on his meek innocent face and is all “oh, no, I meant no offense at all, we are all friends here, my bad, it is just that I make mistakes like everyone else, I should really learn to think before I speak ohohohoho”

But the ambassador from Northern Yan is having none of it and demands Mei Chang Su produce some children to be slaughtered by Baili Qi right. Now.

(I feel insulted on poor Jing Rui’s behalf that his buddy Chang Su has basically just said to THE EMPEROR that a child could fight better than he just did, and he does actually look a little miffed here, but only briefly. He is a better person than me, this noble sword-boy.)

(Btw, this scene is a good example of how Chang Su has the SWEETEST smile when he wants to. It is an excellent distraction from his clever manipulation, which I can attest to personally because it distracts ME from paying close attention to what he’s saying, so I’m assuming it worked on everyone else in that hall, too.)

Chang Su says ok, but also he’d have to train the kids, PLUS the kids would have to be previously untrained, and Ni Huang catches on almost immediately and starts helping, the end result being that the two of them work together fiendishly well, dancing back and forth with their varying reasons for why the children they pick for the bout HAVE to be taken from the slaves in the palace–y'know, one of which is Ting Sheng from last episode. It’s about now that I started laughing because “oh no he isn'tttt” but yes: he totally is. Mei Chang Su is already setting things in motion to save the kid Prince Jing mysteriously cares about. Brazenly, in front of the Emperor and the entire court. With Meng surely sweating bullets the whole time as he stands beside the Emperor.

Also there’s a great moment when Chang Su pretends to be VERY contrite about suggesting some children could whip Baili Qi, almost to the point of being flustered, and he stammers out some thing about how it wouldn’t be fair to use kids already trained in martial arts, as that would be an unfair advantage to them, and the Northern Yan crew look like they’re going to have a fit and the rest of the hall busts up laughing (except for the Crown Prince who looks upset by this further insult to the foreign group, and for Prince Yu who just smirks like he’s impressed) and in the meantime Mei Chang Su stands there in the midst of this hurricane he created looking wholly innocent and clueless and ugh I LOVE HIM. HE’S THE WORST.

So Chang Su, with the help of his secret ally Meng, manages not only to get the Emperor’s permission to take three kids from the slave ranks to train them, but also gets permission to train them back in his own house, and is given five days to do so. He also hints that the kids might deserve, oh I don’t know, some kind of reward after they defeat Baili Qi? I SEE YOU, LIN SHU. I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING.

Meng picks three kids at random, and Ting Sheng somehow happens to be one of them. Wow, what a craaaaaazy coincidence!

Later, Jing Rui voices concern about the kids’ chances because he is, y'know, sane, but Chang Su is unmoved. He says he is going to have them use a Towering Phantom technique? Sounds impressive. Jing Rui knows of this technique but has never seen it. Chang Su asks does Jing Rui not trust him? Jing Rui promptly replies that he DOES trust his friend, who is so clever and knows so much. It’s painful to hear him say so. Then Yu Jin chimes in by saying that everything must be ok because Chang Su clearly has a plan: if the kids defeat Baili Qi in this mock combat round, Baili Qi won’t have the gall to then say he has the right to fight Ni Huang. That’s a good point. I’m very impressed that Lin Shu is seemingly managing to kill two birds with one stone, here. Very good.

(Speaking of Yu Jin, slight sidetrack meta time: I’m writing this as I rewatch after making it to episode 16 and then stopping, so I have seen more of these boys than just four episodes’ worth. And this is one of the earliest telling moments I’ve noticed where Yu Jin seems to see Chang Su’s stratagems clearly. He doesn’t see any long term goal in them, but he’s good at seeing what’s going on in the moment. It seems to me like the reason why he notices more about what Su is doing when compared to Jing Rui, is that Jing Rui takes Chang Su’s friendship more for granted. They are already friends at the beginning of the show; Yu Jin begins the show eager to meet this legendarily cool pugilist leader, so he’s a bit more removed from Chang Su the person and more calibrated to view Chang Su the persona. Chang Su is just lucky that Yu Jin is such a happy puppy of a person who wants to see the best in people and so isn’t a suspicious sort, otherwise he would definitely have an edge when it comes to figuring out that Chang Su is such a devious plotter and has some dangerous long-term goals; he is too innocent, alas. I also get the feeling that Jing Rui is at a disadvantage here even though he is the more mature of the two simply because he’s grown up surrounded by not one but TWO doting families so he’s just? Used to being loved? (And yet still hasn’t gotten spoiled, bless him.) But being accustomed to being the center of attention/having a positive network around him blinds him to Chang Su’s machinations. Anyway. Yu Jin and Jing Rui are the Most Precious souls in this entire show so far and must be protected at all costs. I dread what’s undoubtedly coming for them. The show wouldn’t make them this Good for no reason.)

Meanwhile, best of friends Meng is assuring the Emperor that it is very possible that Su Zhe might know a secret technique that would enable children to defeat Baili Qi, and also says even if the kids lose it’s a win-win for the Emperor. He also says even if the kids lose, it “won’t be any worse than it is now.” The Emperor somehow finds that reassuring? I feel like insulting a rival nation’s champion, then losing to him in a fight brought about by the insult IS a situation that would be made worse by the loss, but maybe he figures he’ll just punish this random impertinent strategist if things go wrong and so therefore he, the Emperor, is fine no matter what. Whatever.

The next scene starts pretty randomly with one of the less important concubines crying because she has to light candles at the shrine for a dead Empress. Is dead Empress the current Emperor’s mother? I feel like it must be. Anyway she must have been an awful person if her ghost can scare this woman that badly.

Enter Jingmum!! Jingmum (not her name, alas, but I’m using it for clarification sake) offers to accompany and help her fellow woman because she is a good and wonderful person. How much influence did she have over Jing as he grew up? Because he seems like a fantastic guy, but as a concubine of the Emperor I don’t know how much freedom to just be a mom to her kid this woman had. I want to see what their relationship is like.

Oh, and the current Empress is the one punishing the sad concubine for something trivial like bad handwriting or somesuch. This is an interesting detail because until now the Emperor’s favourite concubine, Crown Prince’s mom, seemed much more obviously hateful. This shows the Empress is also definitely not a good person. It reminds me of how Yu scolded those sparring soldiers so harshly back in episode 2. Guess that’s where he learned it from?

“Your arms must be sore,” a way too kind and compassionate Jingmum says to her fellow concubine, after the latter lights some candles. If her arms are sore, she needs to do some lifting, my gosh. Then again, I suppose she doesn’t have anything to do in her life to strengthen her arms, but still. That’s pathetic. Jingmum even massages her arm as they walk out of the shrine together??? What a saint. She says she was trained in medicine before, so I guess that explains things. Have her take a look at Lin Shu, pls. I want him alive longer than two years ok? Make it so.

Thunder sounds and I’m immediately like “SAVE THE BEAUTIFUL DRESSES” but the two women have the same thought apparently and scurry under cover, much to my relief.

BUT THEN. Their run for cover puts them right outside a secluded room where they can overhear a conversation between some old woman and the most evil-looking handmaid I’ve ever seen in my entire life. This actress flat-out sneers every word, and it’s kind of funny. But the conversation itself isn’t funny: they’re talking about some kind of drug that “the Empress Dowager used on Princess Supreme Li Yang back then.” Um. WHAT?! Someone wants to use this drug on someone in secret, and these women are making the necessary arrangements.

Jingmum and weak-arm concubine hurry away before they are spotted, but that sounded REALLY SKEEVY. My suspicions are confirmed when weak-arm concubine, in major distress, tells Jingmum that this is an emergency: that drug they were talking about is basically a date rape drug that was used in the past on the Princess Supreme. Who, I am pretty sure, is one of Jing Rui’s moms???? (Ten episodes later I know that yes, this is Jing Rui’s mom.) WHAT IS HAPPENING. Nothing good, that is sure. Weak-arm asks Jingmum for advice, and Jingmum tells her to keep silent about what she heard. It’s better to play it safe in the palace and not meddle in secrets, she says. This is exactly he opposite of what Jing would say, I have no doubt. So he can’t have spent THAT much time with his mom: enough to inherit her goodness but not her subtlety, I think.

Back at Snow Cottage we are treated to a long montage of the slave children waving swords around with varying expressions of seriousness on their round faces. Fei Liu is doing all the work to train them, and I imagine he’s a brutal but effective teacher. Lin Shu is sitting nearby paying nearly zero attention; he trusts Fei Liu to get the job done. “Make them faster so I can be sure to win,” he instructs, and I’m pretty sure that’s all he needs to say for Fei Liu to do everything in his power to make these kids the fastest children under the sun. I am curious about why he is so very, very devoted to Lin Shu. They’re such an odd duo but so great together.

Lin Shu does start paying attention, however, when Ni Huang shows up for an unannounced visit. Surprise! As always, he looks momentarily stricken to see her, and I wonder if she realizes she frightens him, she seems like she’s always watching him very closely. She looks like she is pleased to have surprised him, but he covers his reaction almost instantly. Ni Huang is here to see the children’s formation they are practicing for herself, and she is very perceptive in her criticism of it as she walks alone with Chang Su afterwards. I love it whenever Ni Huang shows off how smart she is AND how skilled she is in warfare. She’s perfect. She asks if he maybe has something further planned, and he doesn’t answer, like he doesn’t trust himself to reply. Every time she shows how clever she is it’s like you can see that hidden Lin Shu in him fall in love with her all over again and it’s the WORST. Sidenote: Hu Ge has done amazing work in this show so far, but one of my favourite aspects of his portrayal is that you can so clearly tell when shades of Lin Shu are coming out–which is remarkable, when you think about it, because I still haven’t been introduced to Lin Shu. I still don’t know who he IS. And yet I do, because Hu Ge has such a clear understanding of who he is, he’s clueing me in even without that formal introduction, even without convenient flashbacks, or without ever talking about who he was before. He’s wonderful.

Chang Su finally promises he will do all he can to help Ni Huang out of her predicament (one of the few promises he makes that I 100% believe, lol), and she looks thoughtful.

“For some reason,” she confesses as she looks out at the garden, “I actually trust you.”

Lin Shu’s only reaction is a blink that covers a flinch, and it’s like you can see how glad her confession makes him before reality catches up to his relief and turns it all to pain, and then he just. Walks away. No bow, no farewell, nothing. Because he can’t handle this, and neither can I. Ni Huang watches him go, looking strangely triumphant. Point to Ni Huang, I think. She is DEFINITELY on to him.

That night, Jingmum stays up very late sewing some pouches. She’s planning something. The next day (presumably), the delightful grandmother is back!!!! I’m desperately hoping that this time she doesn’t break my heart. Right now she’s all happy because she’s admiring the nice smell of the pretty sachet she has; the other concubines present also have some. Crown Prince’s mom and the Empress are there, too. The grandmother, learning that Jingmum made the sachets, eagerly asks that she be invited into the hall. Apparently her status is so lowly she cannot visit the grandmother without permission?? That’s so unfair. I wonder if the Emperor’s displeasure with Jing is thus reflected onto Jing’s mother, or if she’s just always been a nobody.

(Sidenote: the Empress’ headdress is a MARVEL. It’s been a while since I’ve commented on costumes. That headdress might be my favourite costume piece of the episode. Either that, or Mei Chang Su’s cute white turtleneck thing.)

When Jingmum comes in, Princess Supreme Li Yang is there. She is so sweet? Jingmum offers her a gift of a sachet, too, but then uses that moment where she presses it into the Princess’ hand to squeeze her hand hard, and the Princess immediately knows something is up. This is a code of some kind, probably a “we need to talk” or something similar.

Grand Empress Dowager, meanwhile, has another memory time slip; she seems to think that Jingmum is new to the harem, and is still just as warm and kind to her, because she’s such a wonderful old lady.

And THEN THIS HAPPENS:

“After Consort Chen gave birth, she isn’t feeling very well. You are a medical maid. Since the Lin family sent you here, you must take good care of her.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. As the grandmother says this, EVERYONE gets visibly nervous and the music gets very tense. There is no Consort Chen, the Empress says. She died a long time ago.

The poor old grandmother immediately is extremely distressed, and starts begging for her eldest grandson. What has happened to her eldest grandson? She cries. Nothing good, I think. Darn it, this old woman has punched me in the heart AGAIN. I will never trust a scene with her in it ever again, so help me. The various women flutter around trying to calm her, and order Jingmum out of the hall, saying this is her fault.

Okay: there is a LOT to unpack here. First: Consort Chen. I don’t know who she is, but clearly her death was NOT a natural one. It definitely had something to do with whatever went down twelve years ago. Second: the eldest grandson. I don’t know who he is? Maybe I’ve heard before, but not enough that I recognize his name. Presumably he was also part of that disaster. I’m assuming both he and his mom (?) were implicated in the same false treason that took down Lin Shu himself, because those women looked scared to hear those names brought up. Furthermore, if he was the eldest son, then I’m guessing that he was a main target in whatever plot went down. Third: the Lin family sent Jingmum? So she’s related to Lin Shu directly? (Aside: I know a bit more about how the various families are connected from where I am in ep16 now, but at the time I watched this I was a lot more up in the air.)

Later, Jingmum is visited by the Princess, who made up some excuse about a rash so she could visit the medically-skilled minor concubine. In truth, she’s just there because she got the signal earlier and wants to know why Jingmum wanted to talk. It’s a refreshing change to see Court women sneaking about for the sake of good, instead of because they’re wicked snakey people (looking at you, Crown Prince mom and Empress). Jingmum explains about what she overheard, and the Princess FREEZES. There’s a flashback, and oh my gosh. The princess was given the wine by HER OWN MOTHER???? WHO ARRANGED HER DAUGHTER’S DRUGGING TO ENABLE THE MARQUIS TO HAVE HIS WAY WITH HER???? THEREBY TRAPPING HER IN AN IMPOSSIBLE DILEMMA OF DISHONOR UNLESS SHE MARRIED HIM?? This is despicable. It’s horrific. And I feel horrible for both the Princess and for Jing Rui, who surely knows nothing of this, and ughhhhhhh. It’s so gross. HER OWN MOM.

Anyway, the Princess is first angry that this painful history is brought up, but when she realizes someone is in danger of suffering this fate today, she is first shocked and then turns all to steel. Jingmum tells her only she can save Ni Huang, who is surely the target of the unknown schemer. Many people are desperate to be allied to Ni Huang and her family via marriage right now. Somehow, they have to protect her.

Does Lin Shu know this is going on???? I can’t imagine how he would, but surely he won’t be kept in the dark for long.

Speaking of Lin Shu, the kids are still flailing around with their swords and they look more adept now. Chang Su congratulates them and they all grin back at him and it’s very cute. This has probably been the best week of their lives. Why is he so good with kids??? The cynic in me is like “because he’s good at manipulating people” but I like to think it’s the Lin Shu part of him, not the Chang Su, that connects with them. Anyway, Fei Liu is like an angry, jealous cat until Chang Su, somehow managing to keep a straight face, gives him a very deliberate compliment to mollify him.

And then: Jing is back! And never mind what I said earlier, HIS costume might be my favourite of the episode. Those strong, vibrant colors? That bright red belt? LOOKING GOOD, JING.

The children scamper off to play, but Ting Sheng pauses to smile shyly at Jing before he goes and I melt a little. Jing is here to check on the boy, but also to let Chang Su know he’s researched his background. Is it just me, or did Chang Su look a bit excited at that? He lights up a little at the prospect of finding out how well he’s duped Prince Jing. A little too well, as it turns out. Jing is particularly cutting as he says, funny story, he tends to be pretty ignorant of politics (heavily implying that politics is the Worst), but he has found out that Mei Chang Su is buddies with both the Crown Prince AND Prince Yu, isn’t that interesting? Coming from someone as forthright and firmly principled as Jing, this is a slap in the face. He somehow manages to even turn how he sips his tea into a diss. Chang Su definitely pauses here; I honestly think Lin Shu planned for this, but that he didn’t anticipate how much it would sting to have Jing think so little of him. He CLEARLY cares a lot about Jing’s opinion of him, which might prove problematic to his persona, I imagine. He says he’s not their friend, they just both want him as their ally, and Jing scoffs: surely the great Mei Chang Su didn’t come to the capitol NOT to try to seize power?

No, that is true, agrees Chang Su. He does want to help guide the next Emperor. Jing looks a little disappointed, but not surprised. He asks with pointed restraint whether Chang Su is going to support the Crown Prince or Prince Yu.

And this is the moment Lin Shu has been waiting for, for who knows how long–you can tell that this is a moment he has been longing for–he doesn’t want either of them. I’d like to choose you.

I did NOT see this coming, but the instant he said it I was like YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! He’s not just tearing down: he’s building up!! It’s not just about ruining the people he hates, he is going to beat them at their own game by raising up an Emperor HE wants!!!! Omg. Omg. So hyped. This revelation made me SO. HAPPY. Because it makes the stakes IMPOSSIBLY higher, and it also makes me love Lin Shu even more. Because this is solid confirmation that this isn’t just a revenge story, and I’m just ECSTATIC because this game Lin Shu is playing is also going to be soooooo much more complicated and multilayered than I had anticipated if Jing as Emperor is his end goal. He’s going to have to play the court like a fiddle, and omg I can’t wait to see him work. Plus, I WANT JING TO BE EMPEROR. So I am aaaaaaall in. This is the best reveal ever.

Jing, meanwhile, almost gets whiplash from how fast he turns to stare at the placidly smiling Chang Su. He looks absolutely dazed for a good few seconds, and it’s adorable–and then he bursts out laughing. This poor man.

He sits down and downs a cup of tea like it’s a shot, which made me laugh in the midst of my giddy excitement, ahahahaha, and then, slightly bitterly, Jing lays out plainly to this strategist just how impossible it is for him to reach the throne. His mother is of low rank, he has no noble family connections through her, he has no connections in the world of politics or in any of the various government ministries, he’s spent basically his entire adult life soldiering and so has no worthy connections there, he is not even a high-ranked prince himself even though he’s 31 because, oh yeah, his dad the current Emperor HATES HIM. So, good luck with that, Chang Su. Hearing Jing list all the ways he’s a (supposed) failure made me so sad. I know basically nothing about him as a person, but I know on instinct that he deserves so much better. Again: the acting is so good. Also the music. The Music starts up in this scene and it’s awesome.

Chang Su looks levelly at Jing. I know you are at a disadvantage, he says. But I have no other choice. And for just a second, he sounds DANGEROUS. It’s one of the few times so far, I think, that Lin Shu is speaking 100% honestly, no restraint or hiding behind masks, but pure INTENT, and the depth of the emotion he had in that one line was just–yes. Yes, do it. Take down those who wronged you, and work impossible wonders to get Jing made Emperor. DO IT. I BELIEVE IN YOU.

(Just … Do it without hurting Jing Rui?)

(Meanwhile, the Princess Supreme tries to visit Ni Huang but Ni Huang is away for the day. So much for that storyline for the moment.)

Back at the Snow Cottage, Chang Su tries to pour Jing more tea while explaining his plan, but Jing is stone-cold not having it–neither the tea, nor this conversation in general. I hate how distrustful he is, but it makes total sense from his point of view. Especially since he was connected to the Event™ somehow 12 yrs ago, if not politically then emotionally. Small wonder that he’s so distrustful and defensive! His continuing bad relationship with the Emperor has to stem from then, because he still believes that the people implicated were innocent. Ni Huang also thinks this, seemingly, but she’s more subtle about it so I guess she got a free pass. Jing comes across as a man who has grown accustomed to being always lonely and unable to trust anyone, let alone grow close to anyone, and it’s horrible even though I believe that the way he has frozen up is what has kept him alive this long, I, Claudius style–if the Crown Prince and Prince Yu thought him a threat, they’d surely have taken him out by now because he is not protected by the Emperor’s good opinion–or, well, by anything, come to think of it. Furthermore, his own father could easily interpret any semblance of ambition as treasonous? Because of his apparent sympathy to the people who died a dozen years earlier, it would be a very small logical leap for the already disapproving Emperor to make. His position in both the kingdom and his own family is terribly vulnerable and I can’t blame him for having adapted the way he has. But I don’t want him to be that way??? I want him to be happy. Gah. WHY CANT THE GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS SHOW JUST BE HAPPY.

(Sidenote: I wonder if he has any sort of subconscious recognition of Lin Shu like how Ni Huang has, but if it’s affecting him in an opposite way–making him even MORE guarded and hostile, instead of instinctively trusting this stranger. Based off the music cues and the acting, Lin Shu and Jing definitely have a Past. I’m eager to find out what that Past is, but also–I’m very scared. The more these two interact the worse I’m going to feel watching it, probably.)

Chang Su tells him he wants to support him simply because political success while backing such a hopeless candidate for the throne will make him, Chang Su, look even more impressive than he would if he worked with one of the other two Princes. Jing seems to believe that this selfish, ugly motive is the truth, which is good for Lin Shu’s goals and secret identity, but also–ughhhhhh. Jing also comments on how he cannot understand how people like Chang Su, who are obsessed with political manipulation and power grabs, think. Again–this is the WORST, because Lin Shu CLEARLY understands Jing really well. So presumably Jing would similarly understand Lin Shu if he knew who he was. But he doesn’t, so. Shu just keeps impaling himself on the sword of Jing’s scorn to coax the stubbornly righteous prince into working with him.

(Sidenote: Jing has THE most beautiful eyebrows. They’re so impressive. Truly worthy of gracing an Emperor. Crown Prince’s sad ‘stache shouldn’t stand a chance.)

Finally, Chang Su asks Jing plainly if he WANTS either of the other princes to take the throne. Jing is visibly upset by this and says essentially that if Chang Su is as great a strategist as everyone says, then he should know the answer to that already. Chang Su smiles and says of course he does: he IS the Divine Talent, after all. I still am amused that he even has that name for himself? But it seems to be well-earned, so go ahead and call yourself whatever you like, Chang Su. Does this mean we can say he actually has four names? Good grief.

Jing gets VERY intense and says that there’s no hope of the throne for himself, but he will do ANYTHING if the Divine Talent can prevent those other two from taking the throne. (Actually, hilariously, the subtitles on dramafever have him say he would “pay whatever prince it takes” but I’m assuming he’s actually meaning he’d pay any price, metaphorically speaking, not that he’d bribe any prince. Because that would kinda go against his whole character as established up to this point, so.)

Chang Su tells Jing that Ting Sheng’s freedom will be his first gift to him. If Jing accepts that gift, then they will be partners in this play for power. Jing is clearly conflicted over this, and soothes his uneasy conscience by telling Chang Su plainly that he does not like sneaky, manipulative people like this, so even if Chang Su does help him to the throne, Chang Su isn’t guaranteed any kind of fame or reward. Chang Su–who, again, looked ever so slightly hurt by Jing’s appraisal of his character–says that’s fine; there is time enough for negotiating rewards later. What really matters to him is how Jing’s temperament is different from the other two Princes’.

(Also, the music, you guys. THE MUSIC. WHY IS THE OST NOT ON ITUNES.)

We’ve never met, Jing tells him coldly. How could you know what my temperament is like? Oh, Prince Jing. I have only known you as long as the fake Mei Chang Su has, and even I know what your temperament is like. Also, did Shu slip in saying what he did, or was it planned? It felt spontaneous. He backs off the statement a little, changing tack and instead reminding Jing that if he doesn’t want the other two princes as Emperor, then Jing is the only other possible successor; no other prince is eligible. The scene ends there, but–I think Chang Su has got him. I think Jing is the type that he won’t be able to get those plainly presented facts out of his head, and he’ll talk himself into actually going for the throne just so he can stop his terrible brother’s. I don’t think Chang Su has to push him anymore, he just needed to plant that seed. I’m so excited.

Cut to Marquis Xie, who is apparently having his wife followed??? His wife, who he drugged and raped decades ago???? He can NOT get any worse, what a disgusting slug of a man. Unfortunately he seems like he’s also very clever. Unfortunate for Lin Shu’s scheming, that is; it’s very fortunate for the story because watching Shu work his magic wouldn’t be anywhere NEAR as compelling or as satisfying if he was just given a bunch of straw men opponents to knock down. Major kudos to the show (and, I’m assuming, the novel) for making basically everyone intelligent. A lot of times stories with brilliant protagonists just write everyone else as stupid so that the protagonist just seems smart; making EVERYONE smart is way harder to write, but the payoff is HUGE. Yes, Mei Chang Su does make some Sherlock-Holmes-esque leaps of logic sometimes that don’t NECESSARILY have to lead to what he concludes, but that being said it’s usually pretty solidly done, plus he has tripped up a couple times anyway, so he isn’t always right. I can live with a handful of convenient deductions when the narrative and emotional payoff is this good.

Anyway, back to what I was saying: Marquis Gross is having people follow his wife. He knows that she tried to visit Ni Huang and that she was not successful. I’m curious about WHY he is spying on her, though. Is he just a jealous husband? Or does he have spies tailing other people, too? I would have thought he’d have had Mei Chang Su followed by now, if that were the case.

Back at the Snow Cottage, Meng is peering at Ting Sheng while the boy sleeps. It’s not as creepy as it sounds. Also, I half expected Meng to accidentally drip candle wax on the kid’s face and wake him up, lolll. He nods at Chang Su like he’s confirming something, and once they are back at Chang Su’s tea table–an already iconic location in this show, tbh–he says something about are you sure that slave kid is Prince Qi’s son? And instantly I’m like ohhhhhhh, wait. Wait. Is Prince Qi the supposed leader of the fake rebellion, the dead grandson the old grandma Empress was crying about earlier?? The oldest prince????? Because of COURSE Jing would care about this boy, if so. But the Emperor can have no idea, I would think? Otherwise this boy would be dead, I’m prettttttttty certain.

Lin Shu lays all this out, and Meng admits the boy looks like the dead prince a lot. He then brightens and says, well, at least this shows the gods have a conscience! The look on Lin Shu’s face when Meng says that–somehow, I reeeeeeally doubt he feels the same, lol. Again, Meng asks what happened 12 years ago and how Lin Shu survived, what horrors has he had to go through, to be here alive but apparently 100% transformed? Once again, Shu sidesteps this question. Once again, I am incredibly frustrated. He says the only thing about his survival that matters is that he will not let this life he’s managed to cling to go to waste.

Then we cut to Ni Huang sitting in what I assume is her manor? Her armor and campaign map are on display in the background anyway, nice touch. She’s reading something. Her brother comes in and asks about the children’s chances against Baili Qi (oh yeah, almost forgot about him after that Jing-Shu talk scene) and Ni Huang doesn’t seem like she was that impressed. Her brother is instantly upset and starts to march over to Chang Su’s house in the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT (I love this brash kid) but Ni Huang sharply forbids him. She reminds him, too, that just because the kids might not defeat Baili Qi doesn’t mean SHE can’t. I totally believe Ni Huang could take him, because I want to believe in her. She’s amazing.

Back to the Snow Cottage, Meng is aghast at the notion of Jing vying for the throne. He’s definitely worried that this plan will get Jing killed. Heck, IM worried about the same thing! But Lin Shu has an answer–a terrible, terrifying, heartbreaking answer:

Doesn’t he still have me? Leave all those despicable and ruthless tactics to me. If we are to overthrow those evil villains, the innocent are bound to be hurt. At times, we might even have to be ruthless to them. If Prince Jing can’t bear to inflict such pain, I will.

There is a LOT to unpack from this little speech (once I stop sniffling and blink these drafted tears from my eyes). Firstly! Lin Shu knows how Jing is limited by his morals and principles AND HE DOES NOT WANT TO CHANGE THAT. He is not setting out to make Jing into a more ruthless person; he needs Jing to stay, well, Jing, if he is going to succeed in putting a Good Emperor on the throne. Secondly!! STAY AWAY FROM JING RUI AND YU JIN. It seems my instincts that Mei Chang Su somehow befriended Jing Rui for ulterior motives is were correct, ughhhhh. Thirdly!!! This speech comes RIGHT on the heels of his previous statement that never mind what horrific suffering he has endured; the important thing is that he is alive and thus he must not waste his life. This plan of his seems more and more like a sacrificial suicide of both body and soul; he knows he doesn’t have long to live (according to his conversation in episode 1), and so he risks what little time he has left by going back to the capitol and exerting himself far beyond what I imagine is safe, both mentally and physically. Not only that, but he knows good, upright Jing would never stoop to the underhanded machinations necessary to win the throne on his own, so here comes Lin Shu willing to sacrifice his own sense of righteousness to keep Jing Good as well as to make him win. We’ve had enough clues now that I really, really, REALLY don’t think this scheming and manipulating and cold calculatory nature is something that is actually natural to our sickly avenger. It is simply that in his mind the end goal justifies any means, ANY AT ALL, and that includes not only hurting innocents, but also hurting himself. Before Lin Shu throws any innocent or good person to the wolves for the sake of Jing’s success, he is throwing his own self away. Before his body perishes, he is already attempting this suicide of self: now that he has his life, he has to make sure it is not wasted. He exists only to get his vengeance and to eradicate the corruption in his family and the government that essentially cost him his life all those years ago, and this means he exists only to use himself up as a sacrifice to ensure Jing wins this harrowing political game. Meng has commented repeatedly on how this Lin Shu is physically changed. He is trying to hold to an equally drastic mental change. In light of this revelation, all of his scenes with Ni Huang, who is subconsciously drawn to the Lin Shu that’s still in there, are made approximately 500% more painful. UGHHHH.

I’m still not over this scene; I might never be over this scene; but I have to move on, so now we cut to the Princess, Jing Rui’s mom. She tells her maids to cover for her and then makes a spectacularly conspicuous escape from her rooms, heading to the cottage where Mei Chang Su is staying. Seriously, she is still in her fine silks, she’s carrying a lantern larger than her head; all she did was cover her hair with a lovely hood. I don’t know where her husband’s spies are right now? But they should be fired.

But somehow she sneaks successfully to Chang Su’s door. He looks surprised, but lets her in for a chat after Meng stealths away. She’s come to tell him about the plot she was told about to drug Ni Huang. He asks can’t she put a stop to this without his help? This poor woman looks decidedly bitter as she tells him that her high rank as Princess Supreme really isn’t much use. She can’t do anything herself for fear that her husband and children will be implicated, and she doesn’t have anyone to accuse anyway. Chang Su assures her he will help. I really like this woman; I don’t have her name down yet. Li Yang? Something like that. She’s so pretty and her voice is so distinct, and I feel so badly for her. And how brave she is to take this risk in the hopes of saving Ni Huang from what happened to her!

But uh-oh, there’s trouble: the Marquis is on his way to his wife’s empty room. The Princess Supreme’s maids panic, until this utterly fantastic old maid (or governess, of somesuch? An old servant who knows how to play people just as well as Mei Chang Su, anyway) takes the situation in hand. She tells the Marquis his wife doesn’t want visitors. When he protests that but it’s him, though! She responds with oh, his wife ESPECIALLY doesn’t want to see him. Something happened with grandmother Empress today and she saw a room in the palace that reminded her of something that happened a long time ago, soooo …

This scene was brilliant. He backs down SO fast–and almost looks ashamed??? Too little, too late, you horrid man. I have no sympathy for him at all. But as a result of his guilty response (which includes him exhorting the old woman to make sure his wife is well-cared for and then him walking away comically FAST) the Princess Supreme’s late-night visit remains a secret, and she herself remains safe. Or as safe as she can be while living under that villain’s roof. Take out the Marquis, Lin Shu, do it, do it now!!

Chang Su walks the Princess Supreme out of his house to be polite, looking very calm, but the instant she’s gone his smile drops and he runs–or the closest we’ve ever seen him run, lolllll this poor invalid man–back into his cottage. Meng comes out of whatever cupboard he was hiding in (hey–where was Fei Liu this whole time? I just realized he was absent) and is like who could possibly want to drug Ni Huang???? Lin Shu, very deep in thought, says it has to be either the Empress or the favored Consort, the Crown Prince’s mother. And he says they won’t know which it is until one of them summons Ni Huang to the palace.

Aaaaand, end episode! Hoo boy, a LOT happened in this one, and again–it was all really important! Except for the boys training, I mean it’s important that they ARE training but those were the only scenes I felt like I didn’t have to pay attention to reaaaaal closely. Jing moves further into the foreground of the action in a big way, and we FINALLY get inside Lin Shu’s head a little as he shares at least a major part of what his endgame is. The stakes are sky high, everyone, and I worry that he’s not going to be able to handle what must be an immense amount of stress that will only worsen as things progress. He’s already having a hard time around Ni Huang, and he hasn’t been in court very long. Also, this cliffhanger is the most intense one yet, because it involves Ni Huang’s safety. I agree with the Princess Supreme that Ni Huang is clever enough to keep herself safe once she’s tipped off, so I hope Chang Su really can warn her at the palace fight! Too bad she can’t just punch the Empress or the Consort in the face, or something. That would be satisfying.

Next up: Episode 5! Hopefully I can get the post written and posted before my plane flight on Sunday. Also, I have a dance competition on Saturday, so really I would have to finish episode 5’s post by Friday to be able to post it before sometime late Sunday … I will try, but I can’t promise for sure.

Also! Sunday marks the beginning of my 10-day tour of Okinawa, which means my updates here will largely rely upon when I can find wifi. Adjust your expectations accordingly and just be prepared for my replies to comments and asks to be less prompt for a few days. And thanks again, guys, for making this viewing experience such a fun one, despite me putting off watching the show for about two years now? I only started writing these episode reactions/recaps for a couple individuals who specifically asked to know my thoughts, and I never expected there would be more of you out there who would be reading along, too, considering the show ended so long ago! Being able to chat with you all is really enhancing my first-time viewing experience, so thanks for that ^_^

#nirvana in fire #badpoet watches nif #badpoet watches #nif response ep4 #long post #cdramas

36 notes · View notes

wienerlicious · 7 years

Text

so @oswinstark tagged me in a thing:

Rules: answer 20 questions and tag 20 wonderful followers you want to know better

Name - Nat

Nickname - Nat. haha i guess #1 wasn’t really my full first name but i don’t really like people calling me by my full name on the internet. have some cute nicknames Taylor used to call me: Bear, Little Bear, My Bear, My Lion, Nuh-tally Bear, Nuh-tally...

Zodiac sign - Virgo

Height - 5′9″

Orientation - queer. not straight. haha i kind of don’t like publicly slapping a label on myself. i lean incredibly heavily toward girls i guess i’ll say. nothing official or technical sounding publicly tho :)

Ethnicity - German

Favourite fruit - growing up it was strawberries. now it’s probably blueberries. or plums. probably plums. blackberries are rad too tho.

Favourite season - ask me a year ago and i would’ve said summer, but i was dealing with a skin condition all this summer and the sweat really bothered my skin and killed the season for me. also my air conditioner is broken. probably fall.

Favourite book series - shit dude i haven’t read books in fucking forever. i’m gonna fuckin date how old i was when i last read actively and say Maximum Ride, Generation Dead, and Pretty Little Liars were all my shit. if comics count the latest run of Black Widow was pretty bomb and so was Fraction’s Hawkeye. oh! and i really really really got heavy into 1872! but i kind of stopped reading comics too and i just absorb whatever fuckery is going on now through social media and summaries and shit

Favourite flower - um idk. back when i was dancing people would buy me flowers and so i was really learning about different types of flowers i got really partial to Spider Mums. that was a long time ago tho so idk.

Favourite scent - god i’m such a fucking piece of shit because i literally have to answer Taylor to this. fuck. especially those little shaved hair side of head spots - like 1 part hair goop, 2 parts Taylor. best smell.

Favourite colour - pink

Coffee, tea or cocoa - cocoa probably. there’s this coffee kiosk in fashion valley mall called Better Buzz. apparently it’s like a Thing in San Diego and they have a bunch of locations and i get why they’re a Thing because i crave their cocoa all the time. even when i get coffee it’s usually a mocha lol.

Average sleep time - lately i’ve been lucky to get like 2hrs lol. when i’m working and have a social life and not currently going through a life crisis, i sleep literally as long as i can to be ready for work the next morning. when i have no obligations and no life crisis, i can sleep for like 16hrs tbh.

Cat or dog person? - cats 10000%. i love other people’s dogs but i’m allergic and they’re so much work and since they play outside so much they get so dirty and like. i don’t think i could ever have one.

Favourite fictional character - tie between Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff and probably Sarah Walker too but it’s been too long since i’ve rewatched Chuck so she’s fading from my mind too much it’s bad :S

Dream trip - fuck idk. i’m just thinking of places i wanted to go with Taylor ugh. it’s not so much the “where” for me as the “doing what” and “with who.” as far as locations go i love all of our national parks that i visited as a kid and would love to go back, and also visit ones i haven’t been to before. i really want to leave the country tho, go to Australia while The Veronicas are touring or something. or see Germany, where my family’s from. or like wait for a Pokemon Go event and get a region exclusive and attend an event in like England or Japan or Australia or something.

Number of followers - holy shit i’m down to 2,147 lmao y’all have been unfollowing like mad. sorry dudes.

Thing you are most proud of - fuck this one’s hitting me hard. i’m honestly not really proud of anything. like every cool thing i’ve accomplished has been a result of right place + right time + surface deep charisma. uh. idk. i’m proud of some of my costumes i’ve made, but in the moment all i can really see are the flaws. maybe i’m proud of other people’s perceptions of me???? other people are always pretty impressed by my costume work, and that surface deep charisma really comes in handy before people like really get to know me.

If you’d go on a quest, what would it be? fuckin winning Taylor back or something. haha fuck that’s pathetic. legit tho like maybe building a way to go back in time or something - just upload my knowledge and consciousness to like my like. idk, November 2016 self? December 2016 self? i had a job i knew was kind of shitty but was still taking full advantage of, a full friend group that was already starting to fall apart but still kinda there, my relationship was just starting to really kick off... idk like i’d go back and really have my shit together. like i’d super USE that job to network with Marvel higher ups, and the people who worked on the lighting & items in our exhibit, try to get a job with a third party company that worked with the exhibit. i’d fucking tone down my personality and be the fucking glue for all my friends that were drifting apart and starting drama. i’d learn how to drive so i could actually organise and host shit for people instead of just hoping someone else would throw something. i’d be more confident and brave and just like. stop assuming people don’t want to hang out with me and fucking put myself out there. i’d squash down every insecurity i had in the very beginning of my relationship and really throw myself into it. i’d go off the birth control that was making me depressed and find a new solution. i’d fucking force us to communicate better and i’d openly talk about how i wanted to live out there instead of just gently putting the idea out there that i did want to live out there but only when Taylor would bring it up. i’d know who to trust and who not to trust, who would still be there for me when my life has gone to shit and who would sell me out for a half baked attempt at a promotion that they’d throw away a month later. fuck that really got away from me i over explained but yeah. quest to time travel. haha.

um i really hate tagging people in shit because i don’t know who i’d be a bother to vs. who wants to interact with me more so idk.

if any of you want to answer these, please do! and then tag and @ me in your post so that i can read them, because i would really like to read them! :)

3 notes · View notes

kkukkung · 7 years

Note

a neurotypical kale croncher??? Teach me how to achieve this way of living

jdkjfkskl neurotypical is an exaggeration but um... i actually rly like salad?? i enjoy nibbling leaves off trees like a small forest animal? this reply is a bit late bc i wanted to answer this properly on the off chance that this chunk of text might help some1 else idk. under the cut!

at first i was just too busy to think abt being Sad and Anxious lol (i worked...... 2 jobs on top of volunteering + uni last semester how did i do that....) n then once i started getting used to it i got into self-improvement/self-care in small ways i guess? like just.... consistently taking care of my skin, going to the gym, doing my hair, talking to my friends abt my problems instead of letting them fester noxiously inside me (!!!!), helping other ppl thru volunteering. i think that through... doing things that feel like you’re taking care of urself (e.g. a sheet mask... a good healthy meal...) u feel better abt urself too? especially if ur self-care IS self-improvement... i think when those two things align u make far more progress!

i also took advantage of the free mental health services around me like my uni counselling service where i had an incredible incredible counsellor who helped me understand and dissect some of my concerns n issues. some of them like... traced back to my childhood and the way i was brought up... i think understanding why you behave/think in certain ways is very helpful bc once u get the cause n the process it’s easier to change it. so i’d totally recommend seeing a mental health professional if you can... but ofc still take everything they say w a grain of salt n.... not every counsellor/therapist/psychologist will be fantastic... like i had a counsellor in high school who couldn’t help me at all n mostly showed me tedtalks on having vulnerability issues lmfao and i didn’t realise she wasn’t suitable for me until i met another counsellor who was the right fit? yeah

plus i think it’s important to have people around you who you know Actually Like You and are willing to listen to your problems. relationships are all kind of trial and error and it’s impossible to expect that people will always say the right thing or never upset you... but i think it’s important that when u do have conflict n whatnot that ur able to have a mature conversation w them about it and that fundamentally, your relationship is not stagnant but also in a process of improvement bc u both want to improve for urselves and for each other! ofc it’s easy to say “surround urself w good ppl!!!!!” like obviously that’s extremely difficult and it takes a long time to realise that some people just aren’t for you... idk where this is going but yeah um be mindful of how ppl around u contribute to ur moods and vice versa!

and ig the last thing is having somewhere u can derive validation from bc we all need validation... especially about the things we’re insecure about, but honestly it’s especially scary to need that bc ur like... exposing ur “weakness” if u ask for it... so personally i derive most of my sense of achievement from things that feel within my control, e.g. academics and self-grooming/working out, and it feels good bc i’ve earnt whatever results i get through my own hard work! but there are things i need to reassured abt that are out of my control e.g. every once in a while i need someone to tell me im not Hideous or a Despicable Human Being jkfsdkjfjk and aah it’s just... a lot easier to sleep at night knowing ppl think ur not Ugly and Annoying and Awful u know... links to the last point bc when u have good ppl around u, u’ll nvr actually have to consciously seek validation bc the mere fact that they’re there is plenty.

aaaand the last (last last) thing is that getting “better” is not a linear upshoot but something that also has ups and downs, so rly don’t put too much stress on urself if u feel like ur not making ~progress~ bc it’s so so so so dependent on circumstance and ive personally relapsed like 15 odd times lol so... take it easy on urself but still push urself to Try u kno. i feel like there are lots of things to live for and to be happy abt, even if they’re not grand cosmological templates of human civilisation. when u... let urself know that u don’t need to Fulfil anything but simply exist, it takes a big burden off ur shoulder!

congrats if anyone read this far jksfkjfkjs and i rly hope u guys feel good abt urselves today and tomorrow and so on and so on... ilu... let’s be neurotypical kale-cronchers together one day,,,

#this got so long i rly cant shut up and its like... mostly useless bc it's just stuff that helped me personally sjffsjdkjk #but do feel free to like... talk to me abt things like this u know...#hope everyone is good 2nite #anonymous #ask

5 notes · View notes

shipcestuous · 6 years

Text

Altered Carbon

I have finally finished Altered Carbon. The last time I discussed it I was only on episode 5. The brother/sister relationship between Takeshi and Rei is an entirely different one by the end of the season, wow.

I have a lot of asks about it (in addition to the ones I already answered). I apologize for making you guys wait!

Massive spoilers! And for anyone who hasn’t seen Altered Carbon, I’ll just say that the brother/sister relationship is definitely...suggestive, particularly from the sister’s side of things.

Anon #1:

Hi, did you watch "Altered Carbon"? There is a very special Brother-Sister-Realtionship in it..

@asweetdeception:

Idk if you've finished Altered Carbon or not but WOW the Rei/Tak relationship is very interesting to say the least and honestly the more you get into the later episodes the more the subtext gets stronger to the point that for me personally it felt more than subtext. It's a hell of a ride.

Anon #2:

Have you finished watching Altered Carbon? Cause if you think it was shippy between Takeshi and Rei in the flashbacks well...[spoilers!!] she comes back to him and it gets really intense! In the end you'll see how obsessive her love for her brother is, what she would do for him and how far she went to eliminate any other person close to him! My mum caught the last episode with me and thought the whole time they were lovers! (It didn't help that Rei went into Ortega's body and 'flirted' with Tak)

Anon #3:

Has the Netflix series Altered Carbon come up yet? Both the show and the sibling relationship it centers around aren't my cup of tea--the former too graphic and the latter too twisted--but I thought it deserved mention nevertheless.

The basic conceit of the show is that at some undetermined point in the future humans learned to transfer consciousness seamlessly from one body to another. Those wealthy enough to afford a constant stream of new bodies are immortal, and everyone else is dust beneath their divine feet. (What follows involves spoilers, so do be warned.) The main character, Tak, and his little sister, Rei, grew up in an abusive home; their father killed their mother, and when it looked like he was going to do the same to Rei, Tak killed him, shooting at the base of the skull to prevent any attempt to retrieve his consciousness. He was offered a pardon if he would join the military, but he refused until they promised to find a good home for Rei.

Years later, he happened to be on a mission to seize a cartel stronghold, and discovered that the recruiter had lied to him. Rei had not gone to a good home, but had been sold in slavery to the cartel. He immediately turned his gun on his squad and she on her fellow criminals, allowing them both to slip off into the night together. There they ran into a resistance organisation; she didn't want to join, wishing that it could just be the two of them, as it had once been, but he convinced her. Then he fell in love with the resistance leader, something she found unforgivable. She responded by betraying the resistance and ensuring that only she and he would be able to escape. In fact, no one escaped. She was resurrected and paid off handsomely for turning the others in but lost track of him in the process.

Two hundred years later, Tak finds himself resurrected in an unfamiliar body to perform a very particular task for one of the immortals. She turns out to be the villain of the series, having become one of the immortals. She spent almost two centuries trying to find out what happened to his archived consciousness, and then engineered an intricate web of plots and gambits to convince another, more powerful immortal to use his influence to get Tak resurrected. She eventually reveals herself to him and tries to get him to trust her, but he quickly pieces together the discrepancies in her story and his memory of the rebellion's fall to realize that she had betrayed them.

As you might expect, he does not react calmly, accusing her of having been corrupted by her longevity and become everything they fought against. She points out that he was the one that had wanted to join the rebellion; she just stuck it out because she couldn't leave him. She insists that all the morally questionable and outright despicable things she has done have been to ensure that, when she finally managed to bring him back, they would be able to spend "all our tomorrows together" (direct quote). He responds by initiating his own intricate web of plots and gambits to render her mortal again and, he hopes, redeem her.

It doesn't end well, unfortunately. He destroys her backups, and they have a big dramatic sword-fight on a crashing airship (it makes more sense in context), but when she seems to have him beaten, she pleads with him to come with her to the escape pods. He gains the advantage, and she tries to bargain with him, instead, saying that, just before she died, she made a backup of the consciousness of the rebel leader he'd fallen in love with, and that she'll give it to him if he'll promise not to destroy her. He refuses, which suggests to me that he cares more for his sister's possible redemption than his lover's possible resurrection.

She then changes her tune, begging him to shoot her in the stack; she'd prefer real death to being put in cold storage. Fade to black, gunshot sound effect. I was sure that either he was going to shoot himself in the stack, too, or else that there would be a reveal that he had just shot her in the head or something. Alas. In the ending, his stack is recovered from the airship's wreckage, and hers is not. When someone asks him what he's going to do next, he tells her that he knows "she" is still alive, and he's going to find her. The visuals make it clear he's talking about the rebel leader, but my headcanon is that he's talking about Rei. Regardless, however twisted by abandonment, jealousy, and detachment she became, even as she began to treat non-immortals like insignificant playthings, despising everyone she'd ever known in her past life, the one thing she never let go of was her overwhelming NEED for her big brother. And did I mention that she taunts him at one point by uploading her consciousness into his love interest's body and trying to seduce him? He figures it out before it goes anywhere, but still!

Anon #4:

In Netflix's series Altered Carbon the main character has a sister that he is super close to. They are constantly looking out for and protecting one another. Rei, the sister, even gets jealous when her brother gets attached to or falls in love with other women. I don't want to give away too many spoilers but there are quite a few scenes, especially in the later episodes, where one can sense that her love for her brother isn't entirely sisterly.

Anon #5:

I really need to recommend Altered Carbon for siblings Takeshi and Rei. The big episode that reveals their back story is season 1 episode 7, and there is a LOT of drama and emotional moments to unpack. They're not canon sibcest, but I think even a casual viewer can see that everything Rei does is about trying to be with/stay with/protect her big brother. And the rest of the series ain't bad too. ;)

Thank you all for writing excellent recommendations about this relationship.

I don’t think we can call it more than subtext, but the subtext is very very strong, and it has to be intentional. There’s just too much of it to dismiss it as acting or writing “fumbles” (that’s the television tropes term).

I have so many thoughts and feelings that it’s hard to know where to start. Obviously the flashbacks to when they are kids are so sweet. Their relationship was so sweet and so pure before they were separated. And it’s so tragic what happened - their abusive father, the death of their mother, what Takeshi had to do (kill their father) in order to save them, and how that act actually meant their separation. Takeshi’s choice to join the military is understandable, but Rei feeling abandoned is also entirely justified. Even though Takeshi thought she was getting a good home, he still chose to leave her and I don’t think that wound of hers ever healed.

It really seems like fate that brought them back together. I love how quickly they turned on their respective sides to choose each other. Takeshi had been living a life of purpose - he had missions and accomplishments that kept him busy - while Rei had been infinitely lonelier. Still, she’s pretty quick to forgive him, all told.

I would have liked to have seen them spend at least a couple of nights alone in the forest before the envoys found them!

I don’t want to say that Tak was “in the wrong” - he was free to choose to stay with the envoys, to die for their mission. But he did not take the time to understand Rei’s position. She didn’t care about their mission - she just wanted a home and a family with him. We know that he loves her, she knows that he loves her - but he wasn’t showing her. And then he becomes preoccupied with Quell.

I do think it was suggestive that Rei was so angry and hurt when she came upon Tak and Quell having sex in the forest but I also can understand, from a sisterly point of view, how that would have hurt. Here he is putting her (Rei’s) life at risk for a mission she doesn’t care about just because he’s hot for the leader. And yet again something is coming between them.

I’m not sure if it was clarified by the story but I think Rei had already made her deal at that point - however, I’m sure she already sensed the romance budding between Tak and Quell. It’s interesting that Rei chose to kill Quell in person in a knife fight. Did she spare her from the virus because she knew she could use Quell’s stack as a bargaining chip with Tak, or was that just how the plan ended up working out?

I think it’s really significant how much we see Tak thinking about Rei in those first episodes. When he has that vision of her sitting there talking to him, and then that scene when he’s in the shower remembering their childhood.

For her it has been 250 years since last she saw him, and that was just for a handful of years - they had their long separation before that. That’s a major testament to how she feels about him. How obsessed she is with him. She obviously cared a lot about her status and her immortality and her wealth and businesses, but she may have started out doing that truly and 100% with the purpose of getting Tak back. She knew she would need money and influence in order to get him out of prison.

She was truly horrible by the time we catch up with her. But I keep reminding myself that she grew up in the Yakuza. She was raised by her terrible father and her “weak” mother, she was spared from that by Tak’s violence, then she was sold into slavery and raised by gangsters. I don’t mean that this excuses her actions, I just mean that those were the values she grew up with - violence, survival, crime, abuse. And it seems like all the “meths” are horrible in their own ways - the message seems to be that that comes about from wealth and immortality - so she’s got that on top of what she already had. I think Tak understood that, which was why he had hope of saving her, why he still wanted to try and save her.

All of Rei’s talk about doing everything for him, wanting the two of them to be together forever, not letting anything get between them, etc. etc. etc. was all pretty suggestive. Then we have, of course, the infamous scene of Rei in Ortega’s body. She might have been sussing out Ortega and Tak’s relationship a little bit (again, that’s also suggestive), but I think we can all agree that wasn’t “sisterly”, and who knows how far it would have gone if he hadn’t figured it out.

She was fierce to the end. He knew he would survive no matter what because he was double stacked but I still love that he died with her, holding her in his arms. Although I wish Quell hadn’t shown up right then to ruin the brother/sister moment.

I find it hard to believe that all of Rei’s backups are gone. Someone that careful who had survived that long wouldn’t put all of her eggs in one or two baskets. We might not see her again on the show but in my mind she’s out there. So I really like the headcanon that he’ll be out looking for her. And as for Quell, if she believed in her own philosophy, she wouldn’t want to be spun back up, would she? Dead is dead? Isn’t that what she was fighting for?

I’m sure I forgot lots of things. It was really cool to see brother = hero and sister = complicated villain as the main story. We saw that recently in Thor but obviously there were a lot more emotions here and suggestions of incest.

#asks #anonymous #takeshi x reil #r: brosis #canon #???#tw: incest #rei and takeshi #rei and takeshi: commentary #altered carbon #nr #commentary #noiv

9 notes · View notes