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writer-monster · 3 years

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11 reasons why cap 4 should reintroduce Bucky Barnes as the love interest, an essay

to start this off, i am not writing this essay from a shipping place nor do i believe that this would have any influence at all over the upcoming movie. i expect nothing. this is simply something that i would personally like to see. (of course no hate to anybody who thinks differently)

here are 11 reasons why i think making Bucky into Sam Wilson's love interest in Cap 4 would be a good move for Disney.

1. on the Chinese film market - and why it's an irrelevant argument against the inclusion of homosexual themes in Cap 4

the Chinese film market is something that has been blamed for a lack of diversity in Hollywood films a lot lately. many people claim that this market with a lot of buying power has been responsible for the lack of gay and black representation in particular within Hollywood films.

and we have certainly seen Hollywood treating it as such, going so far as to cut gay scenes from movies for their Chinese releases, and vastly minimising John Boyega's (a black actor's) presence in the Chinese poster of Star Wars The Force Awakens.

[image ID: on the left is an image of the American poster for Star Wars The Force Awakens, featuring John Boyega prominently on the right-hand side. And on the right is the Chinese poster for the same movie, in which John Boyega is barely visible.]

so we know at the very least that Disney believes this through their own actions and efforts to self-censor for the different markets.

but Captain America 4 is a black-led movie, don't you forget. and Disney can't minimise Sam Wilson/Anthony Mackie in the movie or the poster because it's his movie and his poster. and no amount of creativity in the editing room can change that (thank God!).

so if by their own argument the film is already going to be either banned, panned or slammed in China... then what do they have to fear from making it a gay movie too?

2. oh, the queerbaiting

queerbaiting is an unusual cultural idea. and sometimes i find myself thinking that the term is far too easily used, but then all of a sudden i will stumble upon a movie or show that is so quintessentially cruel and overt in it's... well... queerbaiting that i will start to wonder what the hell kind of a bizarre relationship all these straight people seem to have with their friends. take Troy and Abed from Community or John and Sherlock from Sherlock as the perfect examples of this. (in which my reaction to the show's creators saying the show wasn't gay was to ask so then why did you make it so gay?!)

i felt that Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes in tfatws were getting quite close to this level of queerbaiting.

there was the field scene, the couple's counselling scene, the boat scene, the couple's counselling scene, Bucky going with Sam to face Karli when she told Sam to come alone, the couple's counselling scene, ALL the staring scenes, Sam checking out Bucky's ass here as they said goodbye, the "i would move in with him but" hidden scene, "Uncle Bucky" showing up at the cookout scene, the romantic walking off together into the sunset together ending scene, and the couple's counselling scene. did i forget anything? but i mean seriously, the couple's counselling scene!!! that thing they did with their legs and their crotches while staring deep into each other's eyes, would any straight guy willingly do that? do straight guys crotch-snuggle now?

[image ID: an image of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes during the therapy scene with the quote, "Isn't anybody going to drag me into impromptu couple's therapy and slot my legs firmly between theirs before staring deeply into my eyes?"]

(yeah i stole this image from a buzzfeed article on the fan reactions to the couple's therapy scene. but given that they stole 80% of the content of that article from fandom tumblr, i think it's pretty even-steven.)

there's also the fact that people started talking about bisexual Bucky Barnes a lot after the tiger pictures line, and the lead writer Malcom Spellman responded to the talk of Bucky's bisexuality with "just keep watching". well we watched, Malcolm. but it's beginning to feel like you were just jerking us around.

3. the writing

seriously though, what else is Bucky Barnes doing right now in the MCU? his only remaining connection to anything going on right now is through Sam. there is literally nothing else established that's left for him to do that doesn't involve Sam. he moved to Louisiana to be closer to Sam (canonically), he hangs out with Sam's family (canonically), and Steve is presumably gone and is definitely not coming back for more adventures.

he has no villains or loose ends left. he has no other superheroes that he appears to be in contact with. he has no girlfriend or potential love interest, or even other friends or family. he is living in a tent that he has secretly set up in Sam's backyard and is mysteriously appearing from the bushes when it's time for dinner like a stray cat.

in my opinion there is no other meaningful and pre-established progression for Bucky's character that wouldn't just feel cheap.

plus, i don't think the general audience would be all that surprised if they kissed. i think a LOT of people picked up on all that tension. i think a lot of straight people picked up on all that tension too.

4. the chemistry between the actors & the chemistry between the characters

the original pitch for tfatws was essentially just this, it was the chemistry between Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie and their respective MCU characters of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson.

now obviously Anthony and Sebastian are simply friends, and i wouldn't mean to imply anything more. but they are also not their characters.

Sam and Bucky's scenes together before tfatws were both limited and short, and yet audiences still fell in love with the dynamic between the two characters.

in interviews, these two actors are constantly slipping into character and flirting with each other and frankly it's adorable. plus it's really entertaining. i'd love to see that dynamic, unfiltered, in a movie.

because believe it or not the flirting is actually even more open in their interviews than it was in tfatws. and i'm leaving some links as proof.

this here is known as the "married" compilation

and here's a "lucky dip" selection of interviews - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

and here's Anthony trying to get Seb to take his jacket off.

i'm just saying, why not let their chemistry shine? these two are so talented and so entertaining, especially when you put them in a room together. and can you imagine how absolutely hilarious and brilliant it would be to watch them navigate being a couple?

(and for those who bring up the "friends would be uncomfortable pretending to be dating" argument, i'm not here asking for a sex scene or anything. i don't think anyone would expect them to show any more intimacy (physical or emotional) while playing a couple than what they've already shown together in say... tfatws or in their own interviews. not that i actually expect anything regardless.)

5. if they were a man and a woman they would've gotten together in tfatws

i have no more to add here. just that... yeah, they would've.

6. and i'm not talking about the comics here, i'm talking about the MCU.

i understand fully that none of what i'm saying here falls in line with these characters from the comics. but the mcu itself doesn't fall much in line with the comics either, and these two characters especially are very different from their comics counterparts.

i'm not asking for these two to get together in the comics. tbh i don't think that it would work.

but the mcu Sam and Bucky are different and closer than their comics counterparts. they've got different histories, different backstories, and a very different dynamic. please rest assured that i am only talking about them in the mcu.

7. Bucky Barnes is believably bisexual. and Sam Wilson has never been proven to be straight in the mcu, nor has he had a love interest.

(now please continue to keep in mind that these points only stand for the mcu versions of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, and not at all for their comics counterparts.)

Sam Wilson has never had a love interest, which is crazy because have you seen that man! he has had two blink and you'll miss it moments of verbal expression of attraction to women, both in TWS. and that's the extent of it, through his entire history in the mcu.

Bucky Barnes has had a number of surface-level female love interests, but none of them even came close to the level of connection and chemistry that Bucky shares with Sam.

and i'm sorry SarahBucky fans, but i just don't think there's very much to their relationship either. i love Sarah, i really do. but it's Sam who shares all the meaningful moments and history and chemistry with Bucky. and i don't see what making her into a love interest would do for Sarah's character either, what would that add to her story?

[Picture ID: Bucky at the cookout with Sam, Sarah, Cass and AJ. Bucky and Sam are looking at each other and smiling.]

and also there is the whole tiger pictures thing... again. which does strongly suggest that Bucky is bisexual whether this was intentional on behalf of the writers or not.

8. it's representation... AND it feels natural

marvel hasn't had a lot of queer representation that's been noticeably present in the MCU at the time of writing this.

there have been a lot of failures so far, from the bisexual erasure of Valkyrie in Thor Ragnarok to the wlw erasure in Black Panther.

there was queerbaiting almost identical to the bisexual Bucky baiting for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. when asked if he had considered featuring a gay hero in gotg2, director James Gunn stated that "We might have already done that. I say, watch the movie." after the movie's release audiences were understandably confused about the lack of queer representation. To which the director followed up his comments with, "But we don't really know who's gay and who's not. It could be any of them."

there is also Loki, considered by most fans after the airing of his six episode series on Disney+ to be both a poor attempt at both genderfluid representation and bisexual representation. with both attempts being summed up fairly well by the term "blink-and-you'll-miss-it". (also it's just terribly written and Loki doesn't wear any interesting clothes! fanficcers are a Goddamn blessing in this hard time!)

and let us not forget that Andrew Garfield was apparently FIRED for pushing for a bisexual spiderman. a bisexual spiderman within an interracial mlm relationship no less.

so for all these failures, marvel, why not allow us queer fans this? two brilliant and heroic men in a loving interracial relationship. two heroes that we can look up to.

now, one of the biggest detractions from the argument for representation is the idea of "forced diversity". and some poorly written characters certainly do end up feeling forced into the narrative. take Iceman in the comics for example, with Jean Grey just straight up suddenly telling him he's gay. like, marvel, sweetie, that's not how this works! and i don't know a lot of queer people who thought much of that "representation".

but the crux of the "forced diversity" argument is almost always that it feels unnatural within the story, right? and i don't think that anyone could say that about MCU Sam and Bucky ending up together, given these characters' existing chemistry and their history. they've both played characters in gay relationships before so we know that it's not outside of either actor's wheelhouse. and y'all know that Anthony and Seb can act, people. if it's in the script i believe that they'll make it seem like the most natural thing on earth.

9. it'd be a nice change

there's been an ongoing meme lately about "Disney's first gay character", the joke being that they continually announce gay characters without really ever including gay characters in their films.

this is to the point where Disney has formed a reputation amongst queer audiences of being homophobic.

if Sam and Bucky were to become a couple, then Disney could have its first actual gay character within a gay relationship. AND have him be in the lead of his own movie, no less.

it's also worth keeping in mind that there's likely an overlap between the people who were outraged by a Sam Wilson Captain America, and the people who'd be outraged by a gay Captain America. and if they were already not seeing the film, then i don't think much is gonna change that.

queer audiences would definitely love it, and the media attention would be guaranteed to be huge. i mean, simply look at the amount of media attention mere rumours of a character's queerness gets you and multiply that by a canon confirmation of said rumours.

but i'm pretty sure that Disney already knows this.

10. and yet, in truth, it's not about the representation

in truth i've never felt that i had any trouble relating to characters of any sexual orientation, race, gender, sex, body type, etc. (although that is not to throw any shade at all on people who do wish to see themselves represented) but for me, i think it's more about the story than the packaging.

and yet, a love story is still just a story. straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial. when two characters have chemistry and history and have sacrificed for each other time and time again, and they also can't keep their hands or their eyes off each other, then i'm pretty sure that that's a love story.

straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial, it shouldn't be about these simple labels. it should be about how well written the relationship is. it should be about chemistry, and history, and sacrifice.

because i'm fucking sick of all the hollow, forced romances in media no matter the genders of the participants. i'm sick of lazily written, shallow relationships where any two people sharing the same space for any extended period of time will simply fall in love. it's boring, it's repetitive, and as a writer myself it drives me up the wall!

romance stories suck! and everyone knows that romance stories suck. between twilight, and most of the entire YA genre, and love triangles (so boring), and romance used as poorly-written throwaway subplots in Hollywood movies, the world is in agreement that the romance in western media is simply dreadful. and yet we still want love stories. it's an entire genre that sits at the heart of the human experience (<3), and yet one which so few of today's best known writers seem truly able to capture.

i don't think that i'm the only one who feels this way, either. i suspect it's actually a large part of why fandom is so romance-centred in the first place, that we're all just starving for a good love story.

(btw i think fandom has a reputation for being something that as a whole that it is not. it has this reputation for straight up demanding things and harassing people until they get their way. while unfortunately there are a few people who do this, they're fucking annoying and i swear that they're far from the majority.

in my experience fandom is mostly about writing a five thousand word story at three am while drunk off your ass because it might make someone whom you've never met smile, editing it in the cold light of day, and then posting it. expecting nothing. sometimes getting nothing. and sometimes getting someone send you kudos or a comment so heartbreakingly wonderful that it makes you smile in return.)

11. so once again, it is all about the writing.

i want to see Sam and Bucky get together in the mcu, not because they would be a gay couple but because i genuinely believe that their story has potential to be an amazing love story.

and i know the mcu isn't about the romance. it's why in my personal opinion we haven't gotten a lot of good canon romances besides Peter Quill and Gamora. and i don't think that the mcu should be all about the romance either. i fucking love the action and the fighting scenes. i love the comedy. Captain America: The Winter Soldier had no romance and it was a fucking treasure, it was an amazing spy-action-thriller and it made my little gay heart dance. Thor Ragnarok had no romance, and it was an utterly brilliant comedic spectacle action film. not every movie needs romance.

but mcu Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes were doing couple's therapy and fixing a boat and walking off into the sunset together in tfatws. they were inseparable on the battlefield. they've got a dynamic. it's beautiful, it's romantic, and it's gold.

a budding relationship between them in the next movie would be a good way to explore both characters more without the narrative feeling too stilted and separate. at the end of tfatws, both Sam and Bucky fans found that their respective fave felt somewhat underutilised and that their characters were underexplored.

now, that problem would be even more difficult to remedy in a movie, because the plotline of a movie needs to be really tight to work (giggity). and we know that the central conflict of the movie is gonna be action-based (which is good), but we still need each character's personal journey and growth to tie into the main conflict. (which is another issue that some fans found with tfatws, that these characters didn't really feel connected to the action-based plot on a more personal level.)

if Sam and Bucky are already in a relationship, however, this whole dynamic changes. first, their relationship has already been set up for nicely since TWS and through tfatws and they would officially be the best-fleshed-out couple in the mcu. but most importantly, a relationship gives them a perfect vehicle to explore both of their pasts comparatively and connect them personally to the action-based plot.

do you want to establish that Sam is a little too trusting and naïve? then establish this through his relationship with Bucky, and through showing his placing his trust in Bucky. (rather than through having him sympathise with a villain who threatened to murder his sister and his nephews).

perhaps you want to show Bucky recovering from his trauma? show us how comfortable he is with Sam. they get along, they're enjoying each other's presence, we see more of Sam's life and of his family, and then let Bucky tell Sam something that's raw and dark and honest about his life as The Winter Soldier. something about a memory, one that he only just recalled. he's opening up. and maybe what he tells Sam is even something that sets up the future action-based conflict, to ground that in something real.

you want to explore that Sam has trauma too? do this through Bucky. he tells Bucky a story about his time in the military. in the form of a flashback, he shares his own story of loss to evoke before the audience the shared theme of feeling at fault even when you're simply a helpless bystander to an act of pure destruction.

then, action sequence! and it's directly connected to Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier. explore the grief of someone whose life the Winter Soldier tore apart manifesting into a villain perpetuating the cycle of pain. establish your villain.

Later, Sam is dragged into battle against this villain for protecting Bucky. But Bucky doesn't want Sam to protect him. He feels guilt for what he can't control and he doesn't want Sam getting hurt because of him. Bucky reminds Sam that he has a family, one who needs him and who loves him. He tells him to go home.

Sam reminds Bucky that he's a part of that family. And that sure Sam's a hero and his job is to protect anyone and everyone, but that he's doing it because he wants to. It's not simply to prove that he can, or to prove that he's not a bystander (this connects to Sam's trauma here), but that he's doing it to help people.

and this gets Bucky thinking about who he is and what he's doing here. is he a hero who stands by Sam's side? or is he an ordinary man who stands aside? or perhaps, does he stand alone? what does he stand for? Maybe Sam knows. But does Bucky?

Sam and Bucky fight off the villain again, and for the first time Bucky meets this adversary face to face. And Bucky recognises this villain, and has a flashback to the genuine pain that he inflicted upon them in the form of the Winter Soldier. Bucky freezes mid-fight, he almost dies, and Sam has to save him.

Sam chews Bucky out for almost getting killed because he was afraid for him. but Bucky takes this the wrong way and goes off to fight the villain alone, or perhaps to die alone, he's not quite sure.

He puts up a half-hearted fight. He apologises for what the Winter Soldier has done, and he waits for the killing blow, when Sam swoops down and he saves him. He asks Sam why he saved him and Sam calls him a moron. And then, Sam asks him what sacrificing himself would solve. He tells him that you can't choose your past but you can choose your future (connecting to his own experience of loss and guilt and grief). And that no matter what Bucky Barnes still has a future, whether that's as the Winter Soldier or the White Wolf or just some dork with a day job. And that he has a future as a part of Sam's family too.

Sam fights the villain, and it's toe to toe. He delivers a few good blows, but receives a fair few himself. And then the villain tears off his wings, first one and then the other, in a manner reminiscent of what the Winter Soldier did to him in TWS. Through Bucky's eyes there's a flashback to highlight the parallels. Sam gets back on his feet and he fights his best fight, but is now losing.

And then the heavily injured Bucky steps up and fights by Sam's side, and only together do they take down the villain.

"So... I inspired you, huh?" Sam teases with a smile, utterly exhausted. "With my heroism and-"

"You inspired me." Bucky said, equally exhausted. "Let's leave it at that."

Together, Sam and Bucky go back to the safety and warmth of their family. Sam fixes his wings. Sam goes back to being Captain America. And Bucky... he's around, but it's unclear what he's doing.

That is, until the very end. When Sam is in a fight, and suddenly Bucky shows up and helps him out.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks.

"I've made up my mind." Bucky says. "I'm the Winter Soldier. But now I'll save lives, Sam. Now, like you, I'll be a hero."

Sam smirks. "So does this make you my sidekick, then?"

Bucky smiles. "C'mon, at least make me a partner." He says.

"How about co-workers." Sam says (in flashback, he remembers back to the death of his last on-the-job partner).

"How about friends." Bucky says, with a wry look.

"Bucky... I don't want to see you put your dumbass self in danger." Sam says.

"Oh, and it's ok for you to go running off into danger on your own all the time?" Bucky asks.

"Yes." Sam says stubbornly. "Absolutely it is."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not a dumbass?!"

"Sam, if you think I'm not gonna be watching your back for the rest of time... then you're the biggest dumbass I know. And I don't care if you need me or not, I will be there for you."

"Because Sam, you're more than Captain America. You're more than a good soldier. You're a good man. And I think sometimes, the world forgets what the difference is."

...or something like that.

(i only spent like 15 minutes on that. you know if i were actually writing this movie i would come up with something much better. and if anyone from marvel is seeing this, yes i can come work for you. i will make the time, let's do this thing right!)

finale

at the end of the day, whether or not the mcu chooses to make Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes a couple, it's their decision. and they don't owe me anything.

i'm just some random person on the internet. who thinks that Captain America 4 should #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend

#givecaptainamericaaboyfriend #meta #analysis #captain america 4 #caatws #fatws #tfatws #captain america #cap 4 #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #marvel #mcu #mcu phase 4

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heyitsyn · 4 years

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Manager!Seijoh

a/n: im a seijoh stan and theyre my little plant babies

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

this is so long oml i hate myself

theyre an actual boy band istg

lets be honest, they probably thought you were just another oikawa fangirl

they thought you just wanted to be closer to their captain bc you were another delusional girl who wanted to live out her fantasies

lmao im not trying to be salty

but when you just stared blankly at oikawa tooru after he called you a beautiful flower,

stageplay hinata calling you a mugwort

the team just about threw themselves on your feet

tbh you werent really there to get a boyfriend or for oikawa

you just needed an after school club and the other teams already had managers

the only sport that didnt was the boys volleyball team

imagine why

you were actually a little wary, since you knew of oikawa, being a first year yourself, and you were aware of his psycho fangirls who could probably kill you

but you needed a club that would last you for the next 3 years to graduate

it was kunimi who actually recommended being a manager

you were in his class and you noticed him sleeping in the morning so you gave him your energy bar

‘thanks’

you shrugged and smiled

thats why he tolerated you more than others

you were nice and you were the only one who noticed his tiredness, even the teacher left him alone, and did something about it

sometimes, you even gave him an energy drink

‘can you tell me why youve been so tired lately? i dont think ive seen you wake up until lunch’

he opened the snack and started munching while replying

‘early morning practice for volleyball is still a big adjustment. our captain demands us to be there 6 in the morning sharp and if we’re even a minute late, we’d have to run laps. like for every minute youre late, you have to run those amount’

oh my why is kunimi talking so much

but i love kunimi and first year seijoh boys rights in this household is valid

you furrowed your eyebrows

‘but yall are still growing and you need all your sleep. if i were there, id yell at your captain’

he grinned slightly, imagining your short height beating up their captain

‘meh. you want to be our manager? i saw you looking at the clubs board yesterday and we dont have one so you could take the opportunity and beat him up then’

ofc you agreed bc kunimi was best boi and you just wanted him to have enough sleep for once

after class, he waited for you to finish packing up and when you finished, yall left the classroom

until another guy with a spiky hairstyle joined you and you noticed him as the guy who sometimes came over to eat lunch with kunimi

‘oh, hello l/n-san’

you smiled gently

‘drop the formalities, kindaichi-kun. its only fair.’

he nodded before walking beside kunimi

‘kindaichi, l/n might be our new manager’

the onion head excitedly looked at you

‘really?! yes! so we dont have to fill our bottles ourselves anymore!’

kunimi glared at him and slapped his stomach

‘shes our manager, not our maid’

you laughed but placed an arm on him

‘its okay. i was a manager for my middle school volleyball team so i know a little bit about being one’

the two shared a look

god, they really hit the jackpot

as yall walked closer to the gym, you noticed the big pile of girls huddling at the corner

kunimi sighed

‘l/n, ill warn you ahead of time of our captain. hes kinda,,,, too much’

but you flashed him a smile

‘hes not the first one ive handled’

oml player-chan!!!

so when you opened the door and entered the gym and oikawa hit you with his normal antics, you just stared at him

‘okay and?’

hanamaki and mattsun howled before rushing to you and grabbing you in a hug

‘girls like her really exist!!’

you gave kunimi and kindaichi a signal of help and they nodded before gently prying the senpais off of you

‘senpai, please’

you gave kunimi a grateful nod

coach irihata went up to you bc wow, kunimi has a friend with of another gender?

‘how can we help you, miss?’

‘im l/n y/n, first year, and id like to apply as the manager’

internally, the coach sighed bc you werent the first one to apply

the reason they havent had a manager for years was bc of oikawa’s fangirls hiding themselves under that false facade

but he saw you brush off that comment oikawa make with no hint of fluster or blush on your face so he decides to give you a trial run, in guise of seeing if you could handle these chaotic boys

‘do you have any experience as manager? or do we need to teach you the ropes?’

‘i was a manager for 3 years in my middle school volleyball’

he nodded

‘ill give you one month. a trial run of a month to test the waters’

you agreed and your trial run began

kunimi mentioned that morning practice starts at 6 am sharp so you set your alarm for 5 to get ready and get to school on time before the boys

you remembered how to set up the nets so you quickly put them out (using a step stool bc we short) and ran to get the basket of balls

their water bottles were filled and you were in the middle of lugging the big basket of towels when the third years entered

the 4 of them usually came earlier than the rest so they saw you dragging the basket of fresh towels and wipe your sweat before smiling at the work youve done

iwa was so happy bc it was usually him who did this stuff and now that he had someone do it for him, it was like a god-send

oikawa’s eyes shone and he waved at you

‘yohoo, y/n-chan!’

you cringed at the loud voice of the famous oikawa tooru

‘hello, oikawa-san’

he chuckled at your politeness before hugging you

‘you did all this for us? youre so cute, y/n-chan!’

instead of the normal blush and love-struck eyes, you were actually very uncomfortable of the sudden skinship and you quickly ran to the side when iwa hit him at the head

‘shittykawa! leave her alone!’

‘iwa-chan!’

makki and mattsun stood next to you as the boys did their usual fight

‘is this all an act or are you really not attracted to oikawa?’

mattsun shot him a surprised look bc why was he so straightforward

but you just shrugged

‘hes cute, i admit. but ive seen much cuter and the boys in my middle school team was basically full of him so,,, and i hate guys who think theyre all that just bc theyre blessed w a pretty face. if anything, ill probably go for iwaizumi-san’

pop off S I S T E R!!!

you just won the heart of these two

slowly but surely, they all came to accept you and iwa straight out loves you bc you maintained this routine for the whole month of your trial run

and you still remained indifferent of oikawa’s advances and he was even impressed and slightly agitated that you werent paying attention to him

‘y/n-chan, one date! just one!’

you huffed before looking up from your clipboard

‘i like men, oikawa-san. not boys’

that comment made the guys shriek

‘y/n-chan! youre just a first year! you dont need a man!’

‘youre not a man, oikawa!’

you left oikawa to be tormented by his teammates and went to go and hand over the report to the coach

he was impressed by the notes you made bc they were ones he even missed

like the split-second of hesitation that kindaichi usually has that goes unnoticed but you immediately saw

or the wince oikawa has whenever he so much as jumps an inch

you could even tell the difference between iwa’s spike and if he was being easy or he was going full-out

this added on to the fact that the boys loved you and irihata actually saw kunimi try more

but he thinks its only to earn your praises

‘y/n, youre officially the team manager’

yall celebrated at the normal hang-out spot which was the ramen shop and it truly shocked you at how much these boys ate

granted, this was the first time you ate together but you didnt expect them to eat nearly 5 bowls each

you could only finish 2 and you already feel like throwing up

‘honestly, how do you guys not gain weight after this?’

the table you sat at, iwa, kindaichi, mattsun, and kunimi, looked at you and shrugged

‘i work out’

‘i run’

‘i fast’

‘i poop it out’

lmao im sorry i cackled too hard at this

you stared blankly at mattsun’s answer who said it so seriously that you snorted a laugh

they watched you and your laughter bc you havent really expressed yourself as much

so they made it their goal to see you laugh more

‘y/n-chan! you need to eat more!’

oikawa shouted, clearly food drunk, but you shook your head aggressively

‘i only planned to eat one bowl but he just had to shove another down my throat’

‘but you need to grow, y/n-chan!’

‘i want to grow taller! not wider!!’

As a manager:

oh boy

you basically grew into kinda their mom

‘oikawa-san! you need to rest your knee or youre going to hurt yourself! i will drag you home myself!’

‘kunimi, if you try to get this one more spike, i’ll buy you a bag of those caramel bites you like’

‘iwa-san! if you hit oikawa-san too much, youll destroy the little braincells he has!’

‘yahaba-san, nice dump!’

‘is your knee okay, watari-san?’

yall really forget that watari and yahaba exist sometimes smh

it was part of the work

keeping up with seijoh

so to keep them encouraged, you gave them praises that they always demand for and they always turn to you whenever they did something good

mattsun gives you a look whenever he blocks iwa’s spikes and you give kindaichi a head pat whenever he blocks some too

bc of how you are with them, sometimes, they forget that you are actually just a first year

they get shocked whenever you walk in with kunimi and kindaichi and talk about the current homework bc it slips their mind that their hard-working manager was actually just a 15-year-old girl

so, they try to ease the burden whenever they can

like iwa offering to help you whenever you have to take their jerseys to the laundrymat

or offering to help you with your assignments since theyve only been through it once

more like watari, yahaba, and iwa bc the matsuhana are clueless and acts like they completely skipped that grade

also

!!!!

oikawa’s fangirls ltr dont leave you alone!!!

now, its known that youre the manager of the volleyball team bc oikawa has boasted about your efforts and such

this obvs ticked off a bunch of girls bc they were jealous that you got to spend more time in a single practice with their precious oikawa-senpai than they have their entire lives

more than once theyve cornered you to threaten you to stay away from their senpai or youll have something coming for you

you never take them seriously bc you can fight too and you just give them a look and push them away

but this one time

TRIGGER WARNING-START

okay tea

the self-proclaimed president of the oikawa tooru fanclub, kenta miyo, cornered you at the bathroom with her other minions

you were just washing your hands and drying them off when she marched up to you and grabbed your hair before tugging it back

obviously you were surprised and shouted

‘oi! what the hell?!’

‘you slut! you need to stay away from my tooru, got it?!’

ehm what

you hissed and wrenched her arm from your hair and pushed her away

your hair was now a mess and you were fuming, already sick and tired of the torture these girls put you through

‘he belongs to himself, not you! so stop being delusional and leave me alone already!’

she signalled for the girls to hold on to you which you slapped away but they forcefully grabbed your arm while you kicked at them and struggle to get out of their hold

jesus what do these girls eat

miyo watches you struggle with a smile and cackles

‘oh? no fight anymore, little kouhai?’

you glared at her

‘i dont want to beat yall up bc id get yelled at by tooru so you need to let me go or regret it’

at the mention of his first name, her eyes widened and her face twisted and she slapped you

‘oi! respect your senpai, you brat! dont you ever say oikawa’s first name!’

your lips curled

‘oh? thats funny, because he actually told me to call him that since he wants his cute little manager to be very comfortable with him’

you achieved a feat that she has been working to get her entire high school life and miyo was not happy

‘ive been with him for 3 years and you just suddenly show up out of nowhere and call him that?! i dont think so!’

she had her hands around your neck and you gripped her arms, making her wince

but you laughed at that comment

‘heh, thats pathetic, isn’t it? here you are, my senpai, who has been vying for his attention for 3 years only to be ignored yet a mere first year, who shows up out of nowhere, has been asked to a date nearly a million times every day. that must be tough’

she shrieked at that comment and threw you on the floor, making you accidentally hit your head at the edge of the sink

yall im actually so bothered by this scene and im wincing as im typing

you bit your lip to prevent any sound of pain to escape bc you knew thats what she wanted to hear from you

but you werent going to give her the satisfaction

instead, you looked up at her, hatred swirling in your eyes

‘youre freaking psycho, you know that? once tooru and hajime knows about this, theyre going to give you hell. they wont ever let this go bc im the manager of their prized team and their little baby sister. so go ahead, do what you want with me. bc i paid too much for these nails to be tainted by dirt like you’

saiyo, a girl you noticed to be watari’s classmate when you went and visited him, nervously tugged on miyo’s jacket

‘miyo, we should go-’

‘SHES BLUFFING. AND HERE, SINCE YOUR SOCCERFIELD FOREHEAD IS BLEEDING, LET ME HELP WASH IT OUT’

and she poured over a carton of banana milk over you, making you wince at the sticky and cold liquid

the tough facade was crumbling and you were now screaming for help in your head, hoping that stupid theory from yahaba about team telepathy to work

but it didnt

TRIGGER WARNING-END

when miyo and her girls left, you sat on the floor, soaked and sticky and bleeding

then you begin to cry angry tears

you were angry that you were being treated like this just bc you were a manager

you were angry that you let them do that to you

you were angry that you prized your nails more than punching her square in the nose

you were just angry

periodt

staggering on your own feet, you stood up and leaned on the sink, eyes widening at the dripping red liquid from the gash on your forehead, staining the porcelain sink

you were stupid and unconsciously touched it making you wince

‘shit, that hurts’

you whined quietly

there was little you can do with toilet paper and water to clean yourself up but you managed to at least stop the bleeding

you knew you had to be put on concussion protocol just in case bc you that hit was quite hard but at the moment, that wasnt your concern

practice has already started and this was the first time you werent present for daily practice

this was confirmed at the constant buzzing of your phone in your skirt pocket which you didnt listen to and instead, started thinking of ways to go to your locker and get your stuff and fake being sick but at the same time, not be seen and relayed to the team

time was ticking and you had to come up with a plan fast before oikawa will send the team to come looking around the building for you

once you looked at your reflection and smiled big, you decided it was enough to not show the pain you were in right now

girl im hurting for you

you peeked out of the bathroom door and saw the coast was clear so you quickly ran to your classroom, which was thankfully empty, and quickly grabbed your things

but as you were packing up, the tears just kept falling

it didnt stop as you bolted down the stairs, using your cardigan to hide your face from the public

once you were safely out of school grounds, you finally took out your phone and reviewed through all the worried and concerned texts from the team group chat

but you just replied, ‘im fine but i just feel really sick right now. girl stuff’

you smirked, knowing that would keep the boys away

but oikawa had to go and ask you to call him

‘y/n-chan! do you want oikawa-senpai to come over with chocolates and ice cream?! wings or no wings?!’

your jaw dropped at the question and clearly scandalized by the question

the team was too as shouting began and you could faintly hear iwa scream, ‘oh my god, shittykawa!’

‘im seriously okay, oikawa-san. i just need to be alone right now and ill try and get some sleep. good bye’

then you hung up

there was no way you could tell them

they were in their last year anyways so doing something about it wouldnt matter

and you were strong

but apparently not strong enough to fight them off though

you would cover the wound with concealer and continue on with practice tomorrow as if everything was normal

but there was only so much you could take

just yesterday, they trashed your locker and a week ago, they took your bento and threw it away

you even got into a fight with this one girl but she scampered away, too scared to do anything alone

so you were actually just tired and want everyone to leave you alone

believe me, youve thought of quitting sometimes

but youve actually created a bond with these boys

like when you take hanamaki to get cream puffs whenever he loses against iwa in arm wrestling

or when yahaba calls you at ungodly hours to express his worries for next year and to fill oikawa’s shoes

it was simple moments that you shared with each player that kept you from not leaving

soon, you found yourself crying again and the looks pedestrians were giving you was starting to make you uncomfortable

a girl, with her gross hair in a bun, puffy eyes with a bleeding wound and walking down the street

that was a sight

so you cut a corner to an alley by your house to escape from the judging eyes and you were too busy wiping your eyes to see a boy who was crouched down on the floor and ended up walking over him

omg my baby kyoken hello luv!!!!

you gasped and you were surprised and quickly apologized

kyotani was originally about to yell at you, no matter what, but he saw the state you were in and concluded you were either from a fight or was beaten up

he recognized that and decided to just glare at you and go back to feeding the stray dogs and cats

you breathed a sigh in relief when he didnt yell at you bc that wouldve been the last thing you needed today

‘sir, im sorry for hitting you. if there is something i could do for you, dont hesitate’

he ignored you and you focused on him paying attention to the strays

going into your backpack, you had a milk carton and a sausage stick from earlier

you used your thermos lid to serve as the milk bowl for the cats while you peeled open the meat and used your scissors to cut chunks of it for the dogs to have some

kyotani watched as you went into action to feeding the animals that people usually ignored

he knew you

well, he recognized you

when he watched from the top of the gym, he saw you as their manager who ran around and helped everyone

sure, he still didnt trust you

but he watched you grin and smile as the animals started to eat

‘im in a hurry right now so i have to go but ill feed you again tomorrow, okay? you too, stranger-san. ill bring food for you too’

then you stood up and ran away, probably in a hurry to fix that wound

he wouldve offered to treat it for you but he remained silent, watching the cats mewl at the now empty lid

the next day, oikawa was worried for you and when he saw you at early morning practice, he practically glomped to your side

‘y/n-chan! you okay?! oikawa-senpai was so worried for you!’

you cringed but nodded

‘im okay, oikawa-san’

‘senpai, y/n-chan! call me senpai!’

‘im not going to feed into your kink, oikawa-san’

*cue everyone busting a lung*

to this day, no one still knew what happened to you

you kept it quiet and you were sure you got everything handled

except for one person

kyotani was smart and for some reason he knew you got beat up by the fangirls and the perpetrators were easily found bc he saw them huddled around your locker, probably trashing it again, and lets just say,

no one is def going to mess w you now

back to manager moments!!

during practice matches, the boys rally around you to prevent other teams from sweet-talking you

they make sure no one gets past them and always have excuses to get your attention

you knew what they were doing but you pretended not to, heart warming at their protectiveness and hunger for your attention

even though you have your own jacket, the team gives you theirs all the time like oikawa has his special team jacket w his name at the back and when he feels threatened by schools like johzenji, he makes you wear it

‘youre mine, y/n-chan and i want that blondie to know’

‘ehm, no, oikawa-san. im iwaizumi-san’s’

oikawa screamed

lmao training camps w them is CHAOTIC

YOU WANT TO CRYYYYYY

OIKAWA IS CRYING BC IWAIZUMI IS BEATING HIM UP, MATSUHANA ARE FREAKING OUT THE FIRST YEARS ABOUT THE GHOSTS IN THE WOODS AND NOW KINDAICHI REFUSES TO LET GO OF YOU, WATARI GOT LOST GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND YAHABA IS SCREAMING ABOUT THE WEATHER MESSING UP HIS HAIR AND MAKING IT FRIZZY

reminder: threaten to quit everytime they get too much

your hugs are the best!!!!

you have a special hug for every player

oikawa gets his favorite which was the normal arm around the waist with your arms around his neck while he snuggles in your neck

iwa gets flustered easily so you hug him from behind so you cant see his flustered look

mattsun actually likes the jumping in the air so he catches you type of hug

makki is more tame and has his arms around your shoulder with his chin on your head

yahaba is the twirly kind where he just picks you up and swings you around

watari also gets flustered easily so he likes the one-arm hugs

kindaichi gets blushy at the slightest touch from you but he gives you a hug from behind you himself where he can bury his face in your hair while you caress his arms

kunimi, now he likes it when you squeeze him extremely tight bc it makes him feel loved and feel alive

kyo doesnt even talk to you what makes you think you can give him a hug

their lost for shiratorizawa really broke them though

you made them their own bentos for nearly a week to keep them encouraged and gave oikawa extra attention to keep him from sulking or practicing late

‘oikawa-senpai, lets go watch that new movie later’

‘S-S-SENPAI?!’

then the arrival of our baby kyoken

yahaba was moody the whole practice and you were currently trying to keep him from spiking a ball to someone

‘even just today, he’s late’

‘who?’

‘that stupid dog’

he just keeps mumbling and grunting

and then the said dog arrived

you peaked out from behind iwaizumi, who protectively went in front of you

shock ran through you and you pointed at him

‘puppy-kun!’

lmao puppy what

youve called him that since he refused to tell you his name, but you call him that bc he paid special attention to this one baby beagle

he raised a hand in greeting and you gave him a smile

‘youre a player here, too?!’

he ‘glared’ at you but nodded stiffly

the team really thought that he would lash out at you but he is surprisingly tolerant

the power of the manager

he still hasnt talked to you but he does respond to you and even helps you with chores, still not talking ofc

hes so tsun tsun and he deserves my heart yall

however, youve heard him talk to iwaizumi, and iwaizumi only, so youve heard his voice before

ngl, you were flustered by how gruff and deep it was

then their loss to karasuno

bruh, it was KARASUNO

the entire team fell apart and after the match, each of them ran away from you to stop lashing out

you were also on the verge of crying, seeing the broken look on your third years

your precious third years

you decided to give them their own space but you heard a loud banging sound from the bathroom

yahaba and watari were outside, clearly trying to talk to someone in there on coming out but it got louder

okay you were lowkey like, ‘hm, i should not be here’

but you recognized that voice

you knocked at the boys door to be respectful

‘kyo-san? its me, y/n’

he was silent but he did unlock it

you took this as a sign to enter and you gave yahaba and watari a smile

‘i’ll be fine. go to kindaichi and kunimi. they need your comfort right now’

tbh, you were surprised the bathroom was still intact but you saw the stall door at the very end being rattled and shaken

you remained by the door but you wanted to go to him

‘kyo-san, please come out so i can treat your injuries’

he expected you to say those words like ‘its okay’ or ‘theres always next year’ but you didnt

instead, you knew he was hurt and wanted to help him

he continued to give a few punches to the wall and the door before emerging

you wordlessly treated the wounds and offered your hand

‘im here, kyo-san. dont worry, im right here’

at the ramen shop, you told them to eat as much as they want and wordlessly gave them your card, slightly crying inside bc you know this was going to be like over a hundred dollars

but you were treating the boys bc they deserved it

you sat beside kindaichi, who was just sobbing and apologizing, so you were wiping his tears and holding his hand under the table

this precious babie

bruh i was sobbing when i watched this part like uuggghhhh

after dinner, you walked with the other third years, knowing they would go to the gym, so you gave everyone else your special hugs before sending them home

‘text me when you arrive safely, okay?’

‘yes, mom’

‘KINDAICHI WHAT’

oikawa’s speech made you cry bc despite only knowing them for not even a year, you already feel like a family

you didnt want your family to be broken but you knew they would all go their separate ways eventually

there was a big hug pile of third years on the side where you took a picture and sent it to the group chat

you had to eventually go home after helping them clean up and when you checked your phone, a fresh batch of tears rolled down

each from every person on the team but with the same sentence and same words

‘we love you, l/n y/n. thanks for everything.’

ngl i dont think this was that good and its like 8 in the morning and im extremely tired

i want to do karasuno, nekoma, and fukurodani but im so exhausted i cannot right now

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lilydalexf · 3 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Tabula Rasa

Tabula Rasa has 8 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files fics at AO3 and her website. She writes Mulder and Scully in a very lovely way. I've recced 3 of my favorites of her fics here before: Bird in Snow, Fall: East on M St, and Skuamorph. Big thanks to Tabula Rasa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I'm always extremely pleasantly surprised to get kudos (or, very rarely, a comment) on my old fic, but I'm always happy to see it! I did post them all (I think) to AO3. I'm not surprised people are still reading fic, though. It's an iconic show and now with streaming, it's really easy to watch older shows and natural to want fic about them!

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

XF was my first fandom, definitely my first online fandom, and so it will always have a special place in my heart. Also... I had a great time! I stumbled upon and joined the Scullyfic email list by accident, but it was the best thing I could have done. I learned a lot about how to be a writer and how to be in fandom, and those lessons are still important to me. Foundational. Also, in terms of modern fandom drama, XF was more low-key on the drama (although it didn't seem like it at the time!). But I learned something that's always served me well: find like-minded people, and hang out with them. Don't worry about the rest.

Also... you can't control the show, but you kind of can control the canon.

Because of Scully, I ended up taking a forensic anthropology class in university-- and now I have a Master's in a forensic science! Part of the Scully Effect, and proud of it!

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Definitely mostly email list! I never really got the hang of message boards. Posting fic was exhausting, and tbh I never figured out how to work Ephemeral. I checked it every day, though! I loved, after a new episode, everyone sending in their thoughts and reading everyone's experiences together. Fandom was a lot more work back then, tbh!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

That fic can be just as good, or better, than traditionally published works. There are works of XF fic that have stuck with me for years now, far more than some books I've read. That fan writers can know the characters better than the show writers. The fandom in general was really smart, and mostly more adult than me (I joined fandom when I went away to college, so I always felt at the younger end of the scale. That was good though!).

Also, my first time reading and writing porn. Not gonna lie, I was shocked the first time I accidentally read smut. But I adjusted fast. lol

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I was still a kid (now we would say preteen) when the show premiered- I think in middle school. But I was already into ghosts, aliens, monsters, solving mysteries, and I'd already imprinted on the dynamic thanks to Square One (really)! I was also just old enough to start developing celebrity crushes. Hilariously, I did not twig to the fact that I'm bisexual the entire time I was in XF fandom, despite having enormous crushes on BOTH Mulder and Scully. Ahhhh!

Also, my whole family was into the show, but I was definitely the one with the hyperfixation. I used to take notes and record the episodes as I watched. It just had the right stuff and hit at the right time. And I've always been obsessive.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

As a kid I also really liked Star Trek, and someone had given my dad a book about the history of Star Trek, which I read. This included mentions of fandom and fanfic. As soon as I had a private-- and perhaps more importantly fast-- internet connection (in college), I went looking for XF fanfic, and that was that. Hooked immediately. Also I shipped them A LOT so that's what I went looking for.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I tend to not go back to a fandom once I have a new fandom, so I wouldn't say I'm in it. I did hang around the edges for the revival, of course, because I wanted to experience that with the same people, but since the revival was mostly not that great (with a few exceptions), I didn't get pulled back into it. But I still think of the people I knew in the fandom a lot, and always hope they're doing well.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I've never left fandom, and I've been in a BUNCH: Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Bandom, Supernatural, now CQL/The Untamed and other Chinese-media fandoms, with many smaller ones in between or on the side. I feel like at their core fandoms tend to be similar, although where you host the fandom makes a big difference: Livejournal, tumblr, twitter. I think that because fandoms now tend to be bigger and more diverse (which is good) there tends to be more wank (which is bad). In some of them I was close to a group of people, some of them not. Honestly the best thing is when someone you know from an old fandom is in your new fandom. It's so much fun. I have really good friends thanks to fandom, and I've had them for YEARS. Like. 15 years.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I tend to focus more on ships than characters, but some of my all-time favs: Scully, Hermione, Sirius Black, Castiel, Lan Wangji, Xie Lian. That's just fandom-oriented ones, otherwise we'd be here all day. :D

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I don't often rewatch episodes any more, although if I come across an ep on tv I might. I definitely still think about them though! For example, I'm a teacher now, and just a couple weeks ago one of my colleagues mentioned he'd heard the students saying they shipped two of their classmates, and he was like "Ship? I don't get it" and I was like "HOO BOY, do I have a story for you!" And I explained how shipping came from XF fandom, and why. That was fun. I definitely still think about Mulder and Scully too-- I mean, they're cultural touchstones, so they do come up sometimes in greater pop culture. Also, I was in Hannibal fandom for a while, and Gillian Anderson is still The Best.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I haven't read XF fic in years, even the ones I remember as being really significant/important to me. I still have my all-time favs saved on an external HD though! Fic in another fandom- every day lol.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Blinded by White Light by DashaK has stuck with me. Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Ruby-Throated Warbler by I forget I'm so sorry -- that's lasted as my ideal post-canon MSR and as an interesting and different way to tell a story. [Lilydale note: It’s by rah.] I was always thrilled to see fic by Brandon, JET, MaybeAmanda, Syntax6... and, frankly, everyone on the Scullyfic/ Emuse list. So many talented people in that fandom!

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Things Outside, which is the only thing I've ever written based on a dream, and I'm really satisfied with it. It was hard to write but so much fun to revel in the weirdness. I always kind of wanted to write more because I know a lot more about the situation, but otoh, I like the open, ambiguous ending (usually I am very HEA).

In other fandoms, King & Country in bandom (MCR) and in Supernatural I'm very proud of Hope and Clay. I struggle to write casefics even though I love to read them, but that one really worked out.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I don't think I'll ever write something new. There is an old fic that may be done but it was smut so I was too shy to post it at the time. In theory if I find it and it's decent, I could post it!

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do! I write fic very slowly, but I do write still! I have a million ideas for stories, but I'm so slow at the actual writing part.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I usually take a jumping-off point from canon, or of course, something I need to fix or expand on. Or sometimes I start telling myself a story as I fall asleep and the idea grabs me long enough I can manage to write it.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I was getting into fandom and realized people didn't use their real names. I flipped through my history book looking for inspiration, and decided tabula rasa was a great name for a writer. I tend to add an X because it's rare to get "tabularasa" as a username, and the X is indeed for X-Files (so I'm something like tabulaxrasa most places). I usually go by Tabula Rasa or Tab, though. And I still use it because 1) it IS a great name for a writer; and 2) it's not fandom-specific so I can keep it in every fandom.

I identify with it so much I have answered to this name in class (oops). I have a "Tab" t-shirt (as in the soda, but I have worn it to Comic-Con for ease of ID-- better than a nametag!). And my mom got me a necklace with a "tab" typewriter key as a charm, which I adore. Yes, I have accidental merch of myself.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

As you can tell from the above, my family knows (my family being my parents and sister). They are supportive! I think my mom read a couple stories? But obviously she has to know the fandom to get it... I got my sister into fic, and we even wrote a couple fics together (in Gundam Wing). She's a lot more selective about fandoms, but she's joined fandoms on her own, too. She's just not in one constantly, like me. :p

I tend not to tell not-online friends unless I have felt them out and know they're super fannish, or they bring it up first.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Most of my old fic is now on AO3 and I hang out on twitter a lot, @tabula_x_rasa

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I'm really glad people are still in this fandom! It will always be so important to me. Thank you Lilydale, for this nostalgia trip!

(Posted by Lilydale on March 30, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #tabula rosa

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puppyluver256 · 2 years

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[Image Description: Nat Vancey and an invisible Trencil Varnnia standing in a bathroom, presumably as seen through a mirror given Trencil's appearance. Nat is a teenage girl with pale skin, shoulder-length pink hair, and dark blue eyes. She is wearing a blue and turquoise short-sleeved dress and a blue headband with a pink flower attached. She is pointing up and appears surprised. While Trencil himself cannot be seen, the clothes around his transparent body consist of a fancy turquoise shirt with pale turquoise frilly accents, a brown corset (I think? tbh I’m not actually sure, could also be a weird cummerbund), a turquoise skirt, and a dark orange cape with a purple and pink flower attached. Green smudges can be seen in midair, presumably where he has applied eyeshadow and blush. The wall of the bathroom is pale yellow, and there is a framed picture on the wall and a towel rail behind Trencil with a purple towel hanging from it. End ID.]

-----

“I can see my makeup, actually,” Trencil told her. “I never told you? It’s very faint in the mirror, likely due to my typically lighter application of the stuff, but it’s there. I imagine you might be able to see it too, if you squint.”

“No kidding?” Nat asked. Trencil shook his head and moved over so Nat could step into the bathroom to look at the reflection of his hollow clothes. Sure enough, upon very close inspection, she could make out a few smudges of green powder hovering in midair right where Trencil had carefully applied the real thing onto his face. “Wow, I know you’re not the kind of dad to BS the kids, but that’s still so wild...”

“It’s not enough to completely trust the mirror to show myself,” Trencil said, “but it’s a rough enough guide to allow intuition to pick up the slack.”

+++++

More 101 Smiles! I had a bit of an unexpected hiccup with this one, the way I do the blush and eyeshadow for SFM stuff is usually to put it in a separate multiply layer then merge it down onto the color layer once all the spaces underneath are shaded, so I did that...initially forgetting that I hadn't shaded Nat's face, so I undid that and shaded Nat's face properly and then merged it again...and waaaaay down the line I was painfully reminded that when you merge an effect layer in GIMP, or at least my version of GIMP, if part of the layer it's getting merged onto has nothing on it then that bit just gets deleteeeeed and I had already made enough progress to where undoing that would be unfeasible even if the undo history hadn't erased that part... SO! Guess who had to redo Trencil's makeup, which was literally the whole point of this whole thing (: Ah well, that's just a funny story I wanted to share, and by funny I of course mean the pains of an artist (: Pic turned out good imo either way! Just wish I still has that original Trencil makeup cuz it'd been done based on the original sketch, but honestly the redo still works hehe.

💖🐶 Check out my pinned post for ways to support my artwork, among other things! 🐶💖

~If you like, please reblog to show your friends! Likes are appreciated, but reblogs let more people see my content! If you have something to say, feel free to give feedback in tags/comments/replies as well!~

Nat Vancey and Trencil Varnnia © LimboLane Artwork © PuppyLuver Studios

#smile for me #smile for me game #101 smiles #nat vancey #trencil varnnia #jess drew the thing #sfw #image description

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b00bconnoisseur · 3 years

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Thoughts on ur own gf?

WELL THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR ASKING ANON CAUSE I LOVE TALKING ABT MY HONEYBEAN

Ok so first off, i just wanna start by saying that i love Cam sooooo soo much. Like shes legit not just my partner but one of my best friends and the first person i think of to tell anything to when something happens (whether it be bad or good) and it some ways ITS REALLY NOT FAIR THO

Like they KNOW i tell them absolutely everything cause literally if i even see a bird im like "BABE I SAW THE CUTEST BIRD DO YOU WANT TO SEE A PIC" and so if we're play arguing ill be like "fine i wont tell/show u this thing then" n she'll say "you'll tell me eventually" n its true tbh i give in everytime cause i like talking abt n sharing things with them n they know that nssbjsvs. An y wa y. Yea we're close ndvsnsvs

But ok so Cam is honestly really sweet and i think my favorite thing about them has to be that she's really like a v considerate and understanding person. Like im ngl ive had almost zero to no actual relationship experience and so theres alot of feelings and just *gestures* relationship things ive never experienced before. Like for example im not the best at like communicating personal things and problems in general but ive been working on trying to be better at it and they've been SO patient with me?? Like ive expressed all of this to them and theyve literally been so calm and sweet and assuring me that its okay and that things take time and they understand and are more than willing to be patient with me and i cant even begin to tell u how sweet that is and how much that really really even means to me to hear that, especially from her

And like if smtns wrong w me she'll ask if im okay and if i wanna talk abt whatever it is and i can literally go on abt it for hours while in a breakdown and the whole time we talk it over and they've always everytime been really sweet to me and, again, telling me i dont need to feel bad and reassuring me that stuff is okay and they completely listen and just are incredibly understanding and considerate. Like im abt to cry rn but i just love them so much 🥺 Like i always always feel so much better after talking to Cam about anything and that she really is so fuckin nice yo

Like i cant believe how lucky i got to be with them and just exist at the same time as them 😭

My baby is also so incredibly beautiful like h o l y s h i t. And she'll dissagree with me but its true! They have the most beautiful eyes and the cutest smile!!!!!!! They have dimples and i love them sI MUCH. THEYRE SO ADORABLE AND I WANT TO KISS THEM. N their dimples will show when he smiles and i just 🥺🥺

I honestly cant even tell you how happy and smiley i get when i see my baby and hearing their voice and laugh and its just literally the best thing

This is already long as hell but am i done? No BUT i will try n keep the rest shorter jdhdhs

One thing about cam is that they arent the best at verbally expressing their feelings into words while i v much am cause its my love language. But like the thing is they dont have say a mile long paragraph gushing feelings for me to know that im loved by them. They dont even have to say i love you (she does everyday but even still jdhdhdvs). Like all the above i said about them? Thats love. When she trusts me with stuff that she wouldnt/hasnt with anyone else? Love. When they send me memes and videos about interests i have cause they know id like it even tho theyve no clue about it at all? Love. When they /listen/ to me talk about kpop even tho they know jack shit but know i love it? Love. When we're just joking around together for hours? Love. When they hate hanging up the phone even when theyre really tired cause itd mean our call is officially over even tho we text immediately after? Love. When she sends me photos of their pets and of other animals cause she knows i love them? Love love love and i love love love them so so s o much

Theres so much more i wanna say but im gonna wrap this up so in conclusion: my girlfriend is the most amazing person and i love them more than words can even express. She's my honeybean and im so happy and grateful for them in my life

Heres an actual photo of me as a bonus!

#love you bb!!!!#asks #young anon #my lovely wifey

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combat-wombatus · 3 years

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uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p

#coco answers #nonnie <3

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fibonaccimegumi · 3 years

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i dont really have anyone to tell this revelation i made about myself to but i need to ground it in words and. hey, guess who used to keep a diary of bullshit on her tumblr anyway? so im just gonna ramble to myself here and then throw it to the ether

i havent thought on who i used to be in a long time, until today i was chatting with a friend and a factoid i learned as a wee bab came up. and then i was sitting there thinking about who i was and which house i was in when i learned that fact, watching animal planet in my parents’s room. and i felt that who i was then and who i am now were completely different people. you could cut out the me from ages 0-10 and toss em aside and it wouldnt affect the me of today at all.

i told my friend this train of thought and she made a passing comment of like “no, im pretty sure you wouldnt be who you are today without who you used to be!” and theoretically of course that’d be true, even if point A and point B felt as different as different could be.

but then im thinking on it in the shower, of course, and about some things some friends have done to me recently and how they correlate to other things people did to me over all the years of my life. what happened to me last year that one of my dearest friends did to me left me feeling multiple things, including but not limited to taken for granted, unvalued, wretched, hated, worthless and also left with the assumption that id forgive them for anything unconditionally; which frankly is not and should not be true. said friend and i both tiptoed lines really close to the brink of snapping at each other and cutting the other off, and i could see that happening, and despite circumstances i didnt really want to lose them. so i rolled over and accepted responsibility for the entire situation, even though i had zero control over anything. it was horrible, really, and i thought i was done ruminating on it, but things relevant to it have been cropping up lately, and i watch my soul hitch in my throat and hide, even after reconciliation with said friend. so there’s definitely stuff i still need... to give and or receive attention for? i dont know.

but what’s relevant is that i didnt have any fucking friends as a kid. whatsoever. i dont know why, because i knew people, and i interacted with people, but i never got along with anyone enough to truly be connected to them. i think most people were... scared of me? because i can still think of a handful of people still in my life that dont really understand me and i catch avoiding me at social events. there were some people i could think of as ‘friends’, but it was always onesided in some form, toxic, and never lasted longer than a year, so it never really had time to be a friendship. the first friend i made that was truly a friend and didnt drop out of my life after a year i met when i was just shy of 18. thats nearly 18 years of practical social solitude. but something else to note is that this first friend has a habit of being distant and disconnected, so sometimes its really hard to tell what they think of the friendship and if it means anything; and after the tension of last year, it became even harder to tell.

what happened was, in short, them choosing someone they’d just met and said they didn’t even care about over me, who’d known them for years, at a time where i was already feeling dejected about other events leaving me feeling that nobody wanted me at all, ever, and i was counting on this friends friendship to help me walk out of that. and after that? it sure didnt work. and i know its not their responsibility to validate my existence, but it’s left a hole in my heart bigger than anything ever has. if i had any other experience with my life beforehand, maybe i wouldnt be so affected, but the person i trusted the most betrayed me and it still stings.

they’ve been working to make up for it and i appreciate that so much, so we’re on good terms again, but hoo... there’s still work to do, im finding.

it wasn’t just the friend that i felt took me for granted at the time though, it was the whole group of people that was involved at the time. and they all still hang out, even though i dipped last year to avoid. well. my heart being chewed up and spat on the floor. i peeked in for the first time again earlier this year, and the person my friend had chosen over me of all people was the first to say anything along the lines of “hey, its been different without you, and we preferred when you were here.” like. id been waiting to hear anything along those lines for the entire duration of my time with them, particularly from my friend, but then the one person who was essentially the horcrux of my destruction came along and said that?? fuck if i know what to feel. im still processing that one, there.

im not sure whats gonna happen or where ill go but its all pretty scary tbh, and the bonds that i have with others still feels fragile at best.

wish me luck or something. im exhausted and just want a safe space.

#gaillapeep

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hellbabyfromhell · 4 years

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why (if you don’t mind me asking) is your house taking such a large toll on your mental health? Im sure you’ve explained it already but... I’m out of the loop

i havent explained it, and tbh i didnt explain it to my friends fr a long time because i felt guilty AND embarrassed even though i should have just been madif you happen to know these people irl, i respectfully ask you dont share this with them. i need to speak to them at my own time in my own way. its long

basically my (then gf, now ex’s) fmaily “took me in” right after my dad traumatically died right in front of me and ruined my brain. i was all fucked up and they “took me in”. i felt very safe with them. but the way it ended up was with them bleeding me dry with money because ive been paying my ex’s rent since my dad died, and if you know me you know thats a long, long time. now, i felt that i owed it to them because they took care of me when my dad died, and that kept me from changing things despite everyone’s warnings, saying they were using and taking advantage of me. but they called me their daughter, they cared about me, i thought. but it really went downhill abruptly......it started with small disrespects. first off, i’m paying half the rent of this townhome for an uninsulated attic with no central air or heat on the third floor. it is alternatingly freezing and fucking makes-you-nauseous hot. this family tried to convince me that i had vents and they were just covered by my trash lol and thats why my attic is worth [REDACTED] (its too much). when i literally showed them the floor plans and there was no vent they basically just went Oh.

Then, they changed my name on the neflix account to my ex’s mom’s mom’s name, because there were too many people on the netflix to make a new profile, so they changed MY name, rather than rowan’s boyfriend or their random ass friend, ME, who pays HALF THE RENT AT THIS HOUSE. that seems petty but its like, im really the least important out of everyone?then came the thing that made me really start reviewing my situation:my ex asked to come over, and they said yes. THEY said yes. not me. this was like maybe a week or two max after we broke up. ex’s mom texted me to say “okay, he’s coming over” and i was like “:0( okay thats fine but i wish you’d told me before cementing down stuff because thats a little inconsiderate” and she was like “Well it would have been inconsiderate of me not to tell you at all.” I thought that was really disrespectful bcause like, they REALLY didnt know our situation at all, and i live on the third floor so if i needed something from the kitchen or something id have to walk past my ex because my ex and my ex’s mom wanted to be fucking friends. it was weird and rude and she would NOT budge on the idea of INVITING MY EX INTO MY HOME WITHOUT CONFIRMING WITH ME being rude!!!!!and then i started looking back, and likethis is one of the worst things, like a couple months after my dad died, i was like catatonic, barely present, sick with grief and majorly traumatized. and these people had me sel my father’s car, with everything in it, so that my ex could get a new car “to drive me around safer : )”...... now i have to BEG to get a ride down the street to baskin robbins unless someone themself needs something. i gave up my father’s car and everything inside of it for this, and they let me. at the time it hurt too much to look at but i wish with everything i could have what i left in that car. i will never forgive them for that. i have so little of him and some of out favorite things were in that car and i know they knew that.ive mentioned moving out a couple times and they always say “well give 2 months notice!” done. i have. but they kept saying i needed to stay longer or convincing me it was bad to leave until the ex’s mom’s bf needed surgery and then now i cant leave till after january. i wasnt happy about this at all but i was like Okay well i guessbut then the other night, the ex’s mom’s bf (who has his own medical card) had the audacity to get mad at me for not wanting to get him a bunch vape carts from the dispensary i JUST got hired at even though id just bought a lot, AND HE WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE SMOKING!!!. he asked me a favor and i said i was uncomfy with it and he went fucking off on me.

this is a little snippet. i know you dont know everything just from what im telling you, but what i can say i have done a TON for this family, and this is NOT the only thing he has asked me for, and i don’t know if the doctor prescribed him crack rock because all he does is sit in the living room and watch kill la kill. i was so disappointed in him because i thought he was least complicit and it turns out he hd some issue with me. i’ve done a lot for this family. it was really hurtful.since this i never leave my room, they rarely address me if i do or look right through me. the ex’s mom’s bf asked to speak once in a way that implied that he expected a sorry from me too. you ma believe this to be once sided, but i believe with my whole heart i have done not a thing wrong. i don’t want to apologize. it’s been about 5 weeks now i feel like and they have barely spoken to me. they laugh wildly downstairs and don’t feel even a bit bad that i never come downstairs. that i have to rush around to get packages. that i never use the kitchen or am anywhere near it (not that id want to be because its always stacked high with dirty dishes). my ex’s mom lost her job staying home too much from an illness that shouldnt affect her working since she works a desk job an all she does at home is sit on the couch, do nails, ply overwatch, watch safiya nyagaard and hang out with their friends. i never go downstairs because i feel like its not my home. also my ex’s mom’s bf walks around all hours of the night now so i never feel safe to go downstairs EVER so i ration water and food and when i go to te bathroom people jiggle the doorknob and i say IM IN HERE :0( and also my ex’s mom’s bf walks around puking with the door open and blowing his nose (he did this pre surgery too) and i just am going crazy here i have to get out. they dont give a shit about me . i dont know if i sound entitled, but it really does suck but i feel so trapped. this isnt my house. OH , and when i sked about moving out ex’s mom said well if we all paid the same amoun it’d be [200 less] . theyre using me and dont care and i hate being here and it’s making me really want to die. thank you, it kinda felt good to let that out

#broverload #old roommates

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guess-im-emo-again · 5 years

Text

I Made Notes While I Listened To The New BMC Album For The First Time

More than survive:

- Wills signature whine translates really well to Jeremy

- It was weird to not hear the stretch in “good morning”

- “Hnn GHA I wish I had the skill”

- More dialogue!

- Wills “micheal!” Is a lot less gay sksksk

- Boyf!!!!

- MOTHERS!!!!!

- High notes?!?!?

- I really enjoy the high notes but I’m sad we lost the desperation in the last two “christine”’s

I love play rehearsal:

- I’m so happy with this! My biggest problem with the cast recording has always been that it makes Christine look boring so I didn’t like her till I started watching bootlegs. Finally my goofy queen gets the recognition she deserves!

- Honestly I went to right down every single line in this song I’m so happy about it!!!

- I have too much to say about this one lol

More than survive (reprise):

-“ At least I didn’t have a breakdown, and have to go to the nurse” me too man

The squip song:

- “So suicidal” sounds sadder oof

- Wills fucking anime voice on “yOu GoT qUiCk!?”

- THE VOCODER YESSSSS

- Aw they cut the “picture this” verse :(

- AGAIN THE VOCODER

- The vocoder is supposed to be Rich’s squip holy shit

- Y’all behind the squip there’s his inner dialogue and it has a fucking lisp I’m so In love with this version.

Two player game:

- Tbh I’ve never liked this song a lot

- Micheal sounds high lol

- More 8 bit!

- How did “know that you’re my favorite person” go from “hey dude you’re my best friend” to “MICHAEL I LOVE YOU UWU”

- Honestly yeah I’m still bored by this song :/

The squip enters:

- Sexy anime girl is now sexy cat girl I see

- I....i completely fucking hate the squip.

- I cannot stand the new squid voice I want scary teacher man back

- “I do NOT”

- His singing voice is nice :)

- I hate the surfer/stoner voice so much

- Kinda a downgrade in my opinion

Be more chill pt.1:

- I do like the squips singing voice but I really really prefer to og

- SQUIP IS A DUDEBRO OH NO

- I do appreciate Jason’s aggressions in the “take your hands out of your pockets” line

- Jeremy sounds so sad in this :(

- “Everything about you makes me wanna die” *hyperventilating*

- Is...is that George just doing a silly voice

- “Everything about you SUCKS”

- ITS IS ALSKSKSKKS

- The looking sexy Brooke line is incredible

- -“she had a shirt just like this HEEH”

Do you wanna ride:

- Nothing is really different other than it’s a little faster and the “pink berry” but it’s already such a banging song so no complaints

- I can only think of the Boyfs version now oof

Be more chill pt.2:

- “everything about me makes me wanna die?

- “bE mOrE cHiLl....hehe~”

- COME THROUGH TRUMPET LINE!!

- Squip is a much better manipulator here, he’s not just scary

Sync up:

- “Come one go gGhAAAAA”

- This song is just a roast change my mind

- “You should ignore her” :( Jenna no

- The squip override is really funny to me idk why

- Overall a nice addition to the soundtrack

A guy that is kinda be into:

- Like “do you wanna ride” there’s not a big difference, but that’s okays because I love this song

- “I guess a part of me likes to- who knew?”

- The clapping is cute aww

Upgrade:

- another song I don’t really like lol

- Brook got all “Janet from rocky horror” With her voice and I dig it

- THEY CUT “take me inside you forever” IM CANCELING JASONS SQUIP OVER THIS

- Jearbear? What is this fanfic?

- Jakes character development makes me so happy!

- “Sounds like” “an act? Yeah is not” oh my god they gave jake so much character

- “Player 2” Fuck Jeremy Heere, in this essay I will-

- “I’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am” watch me caption an edgy picture with that in a week

Looser Geek Whatever:

- *chuckles* I’m in danger

- “I felt....in-cons-e*quential*”

- “I knew I had no....potential”

- The beginning of this song sounds like words fail form DEH

- “Being lonely is stupid tough” OOF me too

- You shut the fuck up about Michael

- “geEk”

- I hate this I hate it it’s so much meaner than the og

- “the problem Has Always BEen ME” *music cuts out*

- Out of context this song is so good but in context it makes me big sad:(

- “I’m player one” no you ain’t

- Micheals gentleness is “Jeremy, you coming?” And then Jeremy’s panic and fear in “optic nerve blocking on” is so much better than the og

Halloween:

- this is my favorite song so it better slap just as hard

- “Wo-a-o-WOO”

- HARMONIES YES

- SAXOPHONE

- New verse slaps

- RICH SAYING “and gasoline” IS NOT OKAY

- I still prefer the og but this was really good

Do you wanna hang:

- I HATE this song so much already

- The dialogue really helps explain that this song is borderline assault

- Bitch sound like Lola from big mouth

- Asweep uwu

- Yeah I’m fully done with this song it makes me uncomfortable af

Micheal in the bathroom:

- Xylophone is way more prominent wow

- Come through synthesizer

- The music matching to “I wanna dance with somebody” is a gift from god

- He really portrays the panic attack so much better here wow

- That chest voice on “wish I was never born” hit me hard

A guy that id kinda be into (reprise):

- no comment tbh

Smartphone hour:

- I love this Jenna wow

- The high voice for “this shit”

- QUEEN OF VIBRATO

- “Yeah I know”

- “Jakes house” nice addition

- HOLY FUCK THE WOAH

- “Ignore >:(“

- Saxophone ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

- “For a tiny guy” “aww”

- That whistle tho

- The scream lol

The pants song:

- Oh new Mr. heere oof

- The dialogue underscore is Michael in the bathroom oh no

- He says pants so aggressively

- This song is another one of my favorites

- “He called me a looser-” “he called ME a looser”

- This dialogue is so sweet

The pitiful children:

- Woah new intro

- This version is....more threatening if that makes sense? Like this squip seemed genuinely dangerous

- THEY KEPT THE BEEPS

- “Oh and Mountain Dew” “okay 😋”

- JENNA COME THROUGH BABY

- The opera singer is singing smartphone hour lol

The play:

- That director is a big mood

- THEY CUT “to bad you don’t have one of those, anymore” IM LIVID

- Wills glitches without editing wow

- The dialogue is so sweet holy fuck

- “Hewwo jake will you make jwemy dwink this”

- The in sync screams lol

- The creepy twin dialogue is better

- The build up instead of harsh cut to Christine is interesting

- “oh god” “OW” Oh God” “GAH” OH GOd” “nooo” “OH GOD”

Voices in my head:

- New intro

- It’s faster

- RICHS LISP IS HERE OH MY GOD IM SO FUCKING HAPPY

- Rich sounds like such a dork omg

- Everyone unfollow me this is all I’m gonna talk about for a while

- New girl lines!! I like these ones better

- I just wanna know who Rich’s squip is okay

- They pitched Michael up

- Holy hell Im living for the squip interactions

#be more chill #bmc #jeremy heere #micheal mell #rich goranski #christine canigula #jake palmer #brooke bmc #clowie bmc #mr heere #squip #bmc squip

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curiouser-and-curiouser-fics · 5 years

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Tbh unless this is someone who you’d absolutely have to interact with in person without her forcing herself into your spaces, I would say ghost her. There’s already such a huge gap between the last time you two talked, she’ll have to get the message eventually. Especially since she’s on bad terms with other people in your friend group. She’s caused your guy friend enough discomfort that he’s cut communications, I would say follow his lead. Mute her number, you don’t owe her any civility.

I'm trying to ghost her so hard tbh. It's just that I'm a doormat and I let everyone walk all over me, so eventually I'll feel bad and answer her texts.

And it's so fucking hard to avoid her irl. Here's some examples:

There's a spot where our friend group will meet before church starts so we can all get seats together (it's the campus church but it's also a local one, meaning it's not exclusively for the students; it seats upward of 10k I think). This girl knows where we meet and she'll be there before we will, so we can't just kick her out of the group once we all assemble!! We just take one for the team and volunteer two of us to sit on either side of my guy friend so he doesn't have to be near her.

We found a big round table for us in the cafeteria and set down our phones by our spots we wanted to sit and went to get food, standard procedure. Unfortunately she had spotted us before we left church (this was a different church night) and so we got there and got a table as quickly as we could. We were successful and weren't too worried that she would find us. Regardless, some of us put our phone by our chair and our school ID card by other chairs that were going to be empty since not everyone from our group was there that night. I came back to the table with my plate of food only to see her standing there. I about lost my shit. I sat down and she left to get food and I was like this canNOT be happening. No way. But it was. She ended up pulling another chair and eating out of her lap bc we insisted that 'someone else is gonna show up soon' and we didn't give her the technically free chair. Still makes me laugh😂

She'll wait outside guy friend's work and walk with him to chapel, which he's told her that he doesn't like (I don't remember if she stopped doing it or not, but I know it went on for a while)

She texts him the LONGEST paragraphs

He never answers😂😂😂he's sent me screenshots

I once finally had a free lunch hour and was able to meet up with guy friend in distress and another guy friend (everyone in this friend group minus crazy bitch has been hanging out since first semester, it's awesome). We eat for a few minutes, chat, laugh, talk about classes we're signing up for for next year, and it all seems too good to be true. Because it was. Along comes crazy bitch and she invites herself to sit in the one empty chair even tho she was done eating and we were maybe halfway done (there were originally three of us and we were at a 4 top table)

She'll answer and nod when I'm talking to someone else (borderline interrupting and it's so fucking annoying)

I just....can't stand her....

Anyway, my main point is: I can't block her number or whatever bc I can't avoid her irl and I'm a terrible liar

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tumblunni · 5 years

Text

What do you guys think about the names Dustin and Darcy for my protagonists in Let's Go?

Cos i really wanted to play the co op mode thing by myself, just so i can pretend this role in the plot is filled by two siblings and have a bit of fun roleplaying that. But i dunno yet how the co-op works and whether you'd be able to customize the avatar of the second player or if its just the default trainer? Or can you only play co-op if you have two separate games? Im planning to buy the other version anyway once i get more money, so it could be fun to play my first version with sibling one and then the second playthru is sibling two's turn to shine!

Oh and the whole reason i wanted to do this is cos i wanna try out the customization features to make some ocs now that there's no competitive online stuff unless you pay a subscription fee (LOL NO THANKS). Like..i always felt like i HAD to make my character me in xy/sumo/usum, otherwise its like lying online? But of course i cant actually make me because theres no nonbinary option or even remotely ambiguous outfits for either gender. And you cant have wild hair colours while i dye my hair 24/7 irl lol. Its silly cos like 95% of the gym leaders and other characters ingame have anime hair colours yet the player has to be normal? So yeah i cpuldnt really enjoy making this innacurate defanged version of myself yet i didnt feel like i was allowed to just make up a new character either. Closest i could do was give myself white hair like my old trainersona when i was 12, lol. I mean i guess thats my 'real hair colour' underneath the dye right now, if you think about it that way?

OH GOD PIKACHU CAN HAVE A LITTLE TUXEDO AND BOWLER HAT HOLY FUCK IM SORRY TO INTERRUPT THIS BUT I WAS WATCHING THE IGN REVIEW AND THEY SHOWED PIKA BOWLER HAT PLEASE GO GOOGLE THAT VIDEO JUST FOR THAT 1 SECOND OF NEW FOOTAGE OF MY BEAUTIFUL CLASSY BOYE

okay where was i

Yeah! I think sibling trainers could be a good and unique way to handle a rival! Like having them be your sibling already establishes that rivalry. But it can be a soft and nice rivalry! I wanna go with that fun version rather than the full on angry exaggerated sibling rivalries you often see in kids media. Like i know that some people legit dont get on with their siblings and some people can even have a very gary esque full on rivalry thats sorta 'love to hate' or like..tsundere pretending you hate them. But personally i never had experience with that, i can never relate to those 'tfw u hate ur sibling and theyre always an asshole but lolll u love them anyway' posts. I only got to live with my little sister for a little while due to the catastrophe of abusive parenthood that was my childhood, and i lost contact with her forever when she was very young so i doubt she'd even remember me. *sigh* But like i don't think i only love her so much because i miss her! People say newborns and toddlers are the most bratty so like you'd think if i was gonna ever find her 'annoying' i would have done it back then. I was always just mega proud of her and whenever she'd be 'bratty' i'd be cheering her on and trying to protect her from mom. And when she'd try and pull pranks on me or practise play-fighting or whatever i was just like 'lol thats legit funny' and taking play-falls so she felt better about herself. Like we didnt have much power in that household so i felt like encouraging her pretending to be a wrestler would help her feel like she had some sort of control in some part of her life i guess? And just i wished i was allowed to roughhouse and run around and be all 'unladylike' and just enjoy BEING A KID when i was a kid, yknow? I always had legit fun being with her and legit enjoyed it and was legit proud and legit never annoyed. I just dont understand 'yeah she's annoying but i love her anyway'. I was only ever her rival as a play-rival to help encourage her to like.. Enjoy the things she enjoyed. Feel like someone else cared. I only ever acted like 'ha ha baby stuff yeah sure i hate hanging out with my sister" cos i thought i was SUPPOSED TO. I always felt so guilty doing it and so dissappointed cos id rather hang out with her than be a boring stereotypical teen tbh. I dunno, maybe this isnt typical for siblings and its just a sign of how badly we were raised? I was just real fuckin lonely and absolutely loved having a family member who loved me for the first time since my grandma died. Same reason i always used to act all 'i am too cool i totally am not soft for my lil sister' around my lil sister's dad. I really wanted him to love me too! I used to say swear words at him cos i thougjt he would thibk i was Cool And Adult?? I have soooo many cringe moments from that phase of my childhood. Man it hurts to think that i never actually did get to become that positive influence that protected my sister from my mum and let her know she was loved. Cos i was sent to live with my dad when she was like 5ish? And never saw her again and now im too scared to try and reach out to her again because 1: she probably doesnt even remember me, 2: theres a chance she believes my mum saying i was some horrible asshole who abandoned the family, 3: even bigger chance that contacting her could mean my mum finding me again and big fuckin risk of further abuse. Plus the awkwardness of introducing my trans self when she'd remember me as her sister and all. Sigh! All i can do is hope that her cool dad eventually got custody of her, and that he didnt turn out to be a secret bastard like when i met my own dad. He seemed good, but then again i was just a lil kid and my dad seemed good at first. Sighhhhhh...

SO UMM YEAH WOW I MADE MYSELF SAD

Anyway the point is that whenever i write siblings i'd rather write 100% unapologetic super loving love cos its wish fullfillment for me. This is also why in/cest shipping is a massive beserk button for me, good wholesome family relationships are REAL FUCKIN IMPORTANT and how DARE you corrupt that shit! Some people would fuckin KILL to have that wholesome family!!

Anyway lol thats why i'd like a Wholesome Rivalry for these sibling ocs! Like they challenge each other to contests along the way just for fun, and they react all 'wow my sis is the BEST' when you beat them, so hard feelings at all. And you dont JUST do rival stuff but also sometimes just hang out and have fun cos you missed each other. And if anyone threatens your sibling then THAT is the only time you see the Serious Sibling Power! Rival moments: ha ha lol bet ya cant beat me ooo im a scary villain LOL I CANT KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE HAHA! Giovanni punches your brother: *stony cold death glare from hell as tricksy prank sis turns into an unstoppable vengeance engine* Oh, but also the only other time they'd be serious is in their final battle together! Like most of the 'rivalry' is just competing to make the adventure fun and to help each other get stronger. But if sis/bro ever actually legit said they really want to fight to find out who's the best, and its like..important to help their self confidence, then i think bro/sis would respect that and go all out. Taking a fall and letting them win would be the most disrespectful thing of all! Oh, but i do think there would be one kind of battle like that during the story? Like in one of the more low stakes faux-rival fights the sibling actually does try and let you win, and the challenge is to try and lose against all odds. High stakes super failure battle!!! Imagine the evil team in the background like 'wtf' as these two run the most aggressively slow race of all time! XD

Oh and i kinda thought about different personalities for the two of them based on who you pick? Like i did like that aspect about brendan/may in RSE compared to other 'unpicked option becomes rival' characters in later games that didnt even have one personality let alone two. It just sucks that the personalities they decided to give them were 'female rival is super self concious and thinks youre better than her because youre a boy' and 'male rival is super ego and thinks he's better than you because he's a boy'. Boooo!

So instead of that the personalities i was thinking for these two would be less sexist lol. Male sibling Dustin is basically Wally so far? I need to develop him a bit more to make him a bit distinct, i mean its not like every single shy dude is identical. I'm thinking maybe mix him with all the wasted potential in Brendan? Like in the game they slightly hint at him having the ONE non stereotypical trait of liking cute teddy bears, and that made me think about how much better his whole plot would have been if it actually criticized his sexism and said that he only behaves that way cos he's overcompensating for being bullied for being 'feminine', yknow? And then in the manga they actually DO write him as super feminine, and even as a contest star who loves fashion and dressing up his pokemon! But then GAHHH they present it as some sort of fuckin 'character flaw', like he's shown to be selfish and superficial because of it. And the backstory is that him and the female protagonist used to be 'normal' until a traumatic event. Brendan was a Natural Fighting Prodigy until he saved his female friend from a wild pokemon and was so traumatized that he never wanted to fight again, while she wanted to learn to fight so she'd never need to be protected again. But this is not only presented as Wrong Ways To Be Gender but also like.. Fighting their natural instinct which still comes through?? Like male protag hasnt fought in YEARS yet whenever he's forced to fight he's just magically better at it than female protag who's been practising all these years to become his equal. Ha ha silly girl you can never achieve that! All you get is this patronizing 'well if you just tryyyyy girly things im sure you'll like it' plot and then you get rescued by him in the end because OF COURSE you do. Sigh! I cant believe they made me hate that pairing even more than the games did! So yeah i dont really wanna write Dustin as a jerkass who's secretly got synpathetic motives of internalized homophobia/sexism, cos i feel thats a plot very specific to my perceptuons of Brendan and id basically just have to make Dustin a clone of him and he wouldnt be able to shine on his own merits. Instead i'm just thinking of writing him as a 100% sensitive soul, and he still faces predjudice for not being that bigoted idea of an 'ideal man' but really the fact he doesnt bow down to their demands proves that he's the bravest person here.

And then I'm thinking maybe the female sibling Darcy is the older one and is a bit "gary ish"? Like eitjer way you still have a friendly and loving siblingness, but she's a bit more of a sass who is tsundere about admitting she loves her bro. But i dont think she's the cold or grumpy sort of tsundere, more like a trickstery tomboy? Bombastic loki jock sis! She can only be a bit abrasive with her bro cos she wants to teach him to be tough even when she's not there to protect him. But sometimes she can mess it up and make him feel like he has to change his personality in order to be tough, rather than letting him know she supports him in being "unmasculine" and just wants to help him find the confidence to stand up to people who bully him for it. Like she feels like she is 'weaker' than him in the sense that she worries too much about what people will think if she expresses her real emotions, yknow? Like theyre both suffering from toxic masculinity! He's suffering from the standard form where men who are too 'soft' are beaten down into that mould. Ans she's suffering from the problem where 'masculine' girls feel like they have to be '100% masculine' in order to be allowed to be themselves at all. Like back when i was a kid and before i came out as trans i always used to try and pretend to like sports ans like..cliche macho shit where you Cant Admit You Care About Your Friends and also i wasnt allowed to like ANY feminine things at all. I had to either follow the stereotype of femininity entirely or follow the opposite stereotype, i wasnt allowed to just reject stereotypes and like what i actually like. So yeah me realizing i wasnt really a girl has led to me embracing more 'girly' things than back when i thought i was one! So i think Darcy would have a similar arc but like..the cis equivelant? Just finds people who arent such judgmental pricks and stops having to conform to either of those stereotypes in order to keep fake friends who dont really give a shit about her. She can have a plot about both forced feminine and masculine stereotypes being equally limiting, rather than that shitty 'being masculine is a prison uwu every woman will be happier embracing her love of makeup' shit. That dominant narrative just made me feel like i was somehow wrong about myself whenever i didnt like 100% Of Sports All The Time, i must be somehow girly if i liked even ONE girly thing yet i needed hundreds of proofs if i wanted to be masculine. And like i wasnt just allowed to be neither! I wasnt allowed to like parts of both! I wasnt allowed to BE GODDAMN TRANS!!! So yeah i dunno if i'd go whole hog and make this character a trans man or a nonbinary person tho? I think she's just actually a cis girl who happens to be sporty and brash and likes a lot of 'masculine' fashion and hobbies. And she's just been made to feel self concious about it, as if she cant possibly REALLY be that unless she likes Every Single Boy Thing and wins at Every Single Challenge. Does anyone else remember that shit too? The girls have to win Every sports game against the boys in order to be 'one of the boys' but if you lose even one of them it somehow proves that you're inferior. Even though the boys lost 50 billion games to you and that doesnt prove theyre inferior! Like man she has sooooo many 'gary rivals' in her school life, thats why she loves going on this adventure with a kind brother rival who actually respects her! So her resolution would just be her staying the same but being more confident about it and saying fuk u to those fake friends. Same as her brother's plot, just they both face different specifics to the way this sexism affects them, yknow?

Oh but yeah when i did finally learn about LGBT stuff and realize i was trans it was Big Amazing cos even in the rare stories about Its Okay To Be Yourself it still left me feeling weirdly empty when the girl decides that yes she does wanna be a girl in the end. So i get that these plots might come off as queerbaiting if i write them badly? I need to make sure to make it clear that these characters 100% want to be seen as this gender and its just other people being fuckfaces and trying to define what their gender has to mean. I think maybe i'll try and mitigate this potential misunderstanding by adding different sorts of lgbt content. And, well, also cos i just want lgbt content in all of my stories because i am lgbt, of course! I'm 100% sure that Darcy is gay, and i think also maybe possibly Dustin is trans? Like, his plot is about being mocked for being a 'feminine' boy, but its also even more personal for him because he's a trans boy and he feels like he needs to change his personality in order to pass/he isnt really real because his personality doesnt fit the stereotypical image of a man. Like if you'd looked at the two of them back when they were identical twins, you probably would have expected Darcy to end up being trans if you were the sort of person who believes those basic ass stereotypes about 'boys who play with barbies and girls who play with trucks'. Or i mean maybe its the other way around and Darcy is a trans girl who still has a 'masculine' personality according to stereotypes? Or even both of them are trans and both face being told that they arent real because they dont fit the perfect stereotype of a trans person according to cis perceptions? Or maybe i'm overcomplicating things with all of this and it'd just muddy the message i guess. I might just keep it to them both being cis but also both of them like girls. And i can always apply my trans and other LGBT headcanons to other characters along their adventure.

Anyway LOL im rambling too much!

#lets go bunni #bunni plays lets go

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boo1a4 · 6 years

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11 question tag!

Hey guys so I was tagged by 5 of my fav gals to do the 11 questions tag (THATS 55 QUESTIONS WHY ARE YALL LIKE THIS) but anyway I was tagged by @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime and @yongpal-i (this tag is fucking eternal help me)

Cloud’s Questions!

Do you know a ksong by heart? (bc I don’t :x I can hum a trillion tho)

Blackpink’s As If Its Your Last, Heize’s Star, Day6 I loved you and You Were Beautiful, most of seventeens title tracks and most of their ballads, lastly Pristin’s Aloha! I'm sure my pronunciation is way off but those are tho the ones that I've taken the time to actually sit down and learn!

When it comes to friendships, are you low or high maintenance? (As in your friends gotta talk everyday with you or you’ll feel like the friendship is dying OR if you can spend days without talking to them yet you still remain close)

Ummmm I think it depends on the friendship? also I think I can tend to be a bit of both (cause I'm an insecure ass binch), tho I don't ever feel like my friendships are dying lmao

Do you have a secret that you will take to the grave? (Ofc I’m not asking you to reveal it)

not that I can think of?? like I'm sitting here thinking if there is anything and like honestly no????

Recommend me 5 songs (not necessarily kpop songs)

Dracula Teeth - The Last Shadow Puppets(honestly cloud just listen to all of their music is so great) Daydream In Blue - I Monster (this is honestly one of my all time fav songs I love it too much) No Way Down - The Shins (you know I can't go 2 mins without mentioning them, some great lyrics right here tho also give September a listen in beautiful) Beechwood Park - The Zombies (I'm assuming you know the zombies cloud but on the off chance that you don't BINCH THEY ARE MY ACTUAL FAVORITE well beside cream and zeppelin but they are up there) Kimbra - Miracle (kinda of a random one but this song just never seems to leave me!) Big Bird -Hyukoh (oh that was 6 BUT THIS SONG IS SO GREAT also listen to wing wing!!)

What do you prefer?: first, second or third gen kpop songs?

I generally prefer second generation??? I think????? I like a bit of all of them tho. but like there is no definitive answer to when each of the generations start and end so like I don't even know??? but most of my fav groups as far as music goes are older around 2nd gen but a fair amount of them are gen 3, I have a really strong love for kpop that was released between 2009-2014.

What’s the cheeeeeeeeeesiest thing you’ve done? (one time a former friend of mine was telling me about a problem she had and at the end of our convo I kissed her in the forehead bYE)

girl idk just my whole fucking life tbh, but my family members and irl friends will all tell you I do this thing where I yell sing songs and change the lyrics to their names this includes badly sung kpop songs IM SCREAMING THO CLOUD WHO ARE YOU AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

If you were asked to participate in a variety show, which one of the following would you pick and why? (Pick two!): problematic men, master key, hello counselor, weekly idol, one fine day, law of the jungle

um probs ofd?? id say weekly idol also but damn the hosts would literally be like who is this weird binch!

Your top 10 kpop songs of 2017?

In no order but 1. Would U - Red Velvet 2. Let’s Hang Out - SF9 3. Night Rather Than Day - EXID 4. Aloha - Pristin 5. Missing You - BTOB 6. I Loved You - Day6 7. Teenager - Got7 8. Habit - Seventeen 9. As If It’s Your Last - Blackpink 10. You, Clouds, Rain - Heize

Would you rather live in a huge mansion or a compact studio house?

Im a real messy binch so definitely compact studio

Tell me a fun childhood story (I’ll start! One time an aunt gave me money to buy ‘papas’ (potatoes) at the grocery store so bc I’m obedient af I went and asked the counter lady how many of em could I buy with the money I had so she went ‘uhh, not many tbh’ so i ended up getting like two and when I returned to my aunt’s house she laughed her ass off and said: I meant ‘papas fritas’ (potato chips) Not those! - and uh yeah this is funnier in Spanish but it proves that I’m such an innocent angel I mean wow)

ok so I spent a lot of time at my aunt Lori’s house when I was a kid (like summers, and after school) and my cousin was the BUG queen so she hand made leashes for her pet toads (that she caught) and we walked them around on leashes for like a week but I was always so afraid of them and also hurting them so I WAS NOT ABOUT THAT ahahaha dumb story but it makes me laugh alsoalsoalsdo they had this bench swing in their back yard and my cousin my sister and I would swing on it together for hours at a time and one time we were swinging real hard (REAL HARD) and the links?? or whatever that held it to the ceiling it was hanging from snapped and the three of us of us flew off of it and we all collectively blacked out??? it was so weird but I woke up to my cousin stuggling to get me off of her and then there lays my sister underneath the bench just blacked out chilling (she was fine) then my aunt came running out cause she had just heard the loudest crash ahsdfasdf not long after my uncle put stronger links on it and that bench is still there! From time to time when the three of us get together this story gets brought up its still the most hilarious thing ( ALSO CLOUD YOU ARE SO PURE I LOVE)

If you were offered to start a band, would you accept?

yeah I love music so much why not! not sure I would be able to contribute much lmao

Mir’s Questions!

If you could travel anywhere, but were completely by yourself, where would you go?

hmmmmm do you mean like I wouldn't be visiting anyone and just traveling alone?? or like going someplace where I know no one?? ok cause for the first I would book it straight to az TO SEE YOU MIR!! AND SISTER!! but for the second I would love to go to Japan (my cousin lives there tho so that also doesn't technically count lmao)

What inspires you?

Music, books, and tv shows! Also really well written characters or just interesting people I guess! but on like a ??spiritual?? level my mom?? she's just that binch you know ( like seriously Ive never met anyone kinder or more driven and hard working in my life she's wild)

How many pets would you have in your ideal future? Any specific names or types in mind?

47 KITS, no realistically I want 2 kittos and they will be named Bellamy and Murphy cause I got too also lowkey want to name a cat rami or Elliot or also kaz or Inej damn all the good names wow. Also the name Calloway is my fav name of all time and I WANT SOMETHING WITH THIS NAME

What are you opinions on fedoras

um eww?? what other opinions are there?? what is this question mir I'm???? but like ngl when worn in a none cringe manner then can look nice!

how many spoons can you balance on your face at once (picture or video proof preferred (i’m trying to get someone to do it pls anyone))

girl I've done my time (lowkey did you put this on her cause I told you about my gravy spoon today???)

What is your favorite type of tree?

I like Birch trees!

If you could convince one person to like kpop who would you convert?

damn MY MOM cause then she might listen to something other than bruno mars once in a while

What are three things you are normally associated with and/or what are three things you want to be associated with?

art, sleeping, reading and um idk?? tbh??? like maybe not being shitty and being funny??? idk??? like I don't know????

If you were in a kpop group what position would you hold (ie. leader, main vocal, moodmaker, etc) feel free to tag your mutuals and who they would be!

um hm im a moody binch bonch so probably moodmaker?? mir is main dancer cause yes duh ivy is leader cause she's the only sane one kennedy I feel would be a great rapper like she got that chic thing going she could do it I feel??? and cloud would be our talent tbh??? nom would be the maknae cause she's small I feel! Jeddy would be my happy virus bud cause she's a fun and funny gal ( I love) Jamie ALSO ONE OF OUR TALENTS wow yes I feel a main vocal here she’d go solo and be singing ballads left and right! JESS WOULD BE THE SWEET MOTHER MEMBER THAT EVERYONE LOVES AND IS JUST THE SOFTEST,,,A SUNSHINE GAL.

If you could have any wild animal as a tame pet what would it be?? (i’m ocelot loyal all the way)

damn idk I'm like horrible at taking care of things (including myself) so like honest id just stick to the kit kats

What is your opinion on mint chocolate chip ice cream? (for maj)

The best ice cream (tho I can't eat it anymore and its very cursed)

Nom’s Questions!

how are you? :D

I’m good Nom thanks for asking!

sad ballads or happy upbeat songs?

Im a ballad ho these days they are honestly all I listen to anymore, but I do love me an good upbeat song I'm just slightly more picky about them!

fave anime movie?

ok tie between Whisper of the Heart and Howl’s Movie Castle, I honestly need to see more that arent Ghibli!

dogs or cats?

Cats! (my dog is practically a cat tbh)

do you keep stuffed animals in your room?

I have one! its a portal companion cube! its not technically an animal BUT I LOVE IT ANYWAY ITS ALL IVE GOT!!!! also if you count tsum tsums I've got a few big hero 6 ones!

someone you miss?

My dad, its been especially hard lately.

describe your phone case?

its like rainbow watercolor! I have a pop socket that matches

favorite lore/myths?

Not technically myth or lore but Beowolf! I've seen the movie at least 40 times and I've read the epic! generally I find northern european mythology/literature to be more interesting than southern. but if we’re going for like ubran myths tbh not really my thing ahahaha.

eardbuds or headphones?

both for different things! but when I first listen to an album I like to listen with my headphones!

can I steal your heart?

you already have ~~~~~~~

favorite thing about your ult bias?

His sensitivity and kind heart! I love a sweet boy! Also I'm really here for Boo’s cheeks!

Jamie’s Questions!

If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life what would it be and why?

ohhh there are a few songs that I really really love, Heize’s Star is a song that I listen to daily and I feel like I could listen to it for the rest of my life! also September by The Shins! Miracle Aligner by The Last Shadow Puppets also. Idk man I just really love songs with a mystical quality to them.

If you were in a kpop group what would your group be called and what would your fandom name be?

BINCH AND OUR FANDOM NAME WOULD BE BONCHES

If you could acquire mastery over ONE skill instantly, what would you pick and why?

Singing!! its just about the only kind of musical talent I think I’d be any good at! Im a vocalist ho I just want to be like my favessssss

First reaction if you spotted your favorite celebrity on the street?

I would literally hide so fast omg

First reaction if your favorite celebrity followed you on your favorite social media site?

SCREAMING ALL THE LOVE FOR BOO SEUNGKWAN 24/7 and literally only doing art of him and nonstop posting it

Snap your fingers and you get to steal your favorite outfit off of a kpop idol. What outfit do you pick, off of whom, and why?

OK literally all of Soonyoungs airport looks cause damn that boy does not get enough credit for his fashion (he's the best dressed in the group fite me)

If you were to get a painless tattoo that you could remove with the press of a button, what would you get and where would you get it?

umm probably something really pretty? and colorful? I'm not sure what put I like arm tattoos!

What is your most prized possession?

probably my laptop?? also my collection of sketchbooks!

What’s a YouTube/online challenge that you have always wanted to try?

Im always interested to try those youtube art challenges, I've done the three marker challenge before and the draw this again challenge also!

You get a guarantee that your favorite celebrity will see your social media post but you only get 100 characters. What do you say to them?

I would literally just send my art to them! I feel like it says more than 100 characters can!

You wake up in your dream room. What does it look like?

LITERALLY A LIBRARY AND LIKE NICE AND DARK AND WARM BUT NOT TOO WARM LOTS OF BLANKETS

Kennedy’s Questions!

Make a 10-song playlist for your current mood.

it is here

What vine do you quote the most?

what is that?? who you fighting?

What do you value most in a friend?

I like people who are good listeners! but also people can keep a conversation going! But really tho just genuine kindness and openness.

If you could learn any kpop choreography instantly, what would you learn?

DAMN THIS IS HARD, so many great ones that I love a lot but probably Red Flavor?

If you go to your Tumblr activity page, who does it say is your “number one fan?”

damn Idk them so I'm not gonna like tag them or something lol

What is your ideal clothing style?

I like simple dark clothing that is comfortable.

What is your favorite Snapchat filter?

I really like the ugly ones tbh I don't use them enough

What subject would you like to study, but wouldn’t necessarily want to make a career out of? (for example: I really want to learn about botany!)

psychology, I really love learning about how people work.

Would you rather be constantly half an hour early to everything, or constantly 15 minutes late?

early of course, I hate being late

Would you rather have a single day to spend with your top bias or a week to spend with your number 2 bias?

damn neither??? ahahah no a day with boo would be very blessed!

If you could bring back any disbanded OR inactive group, who would you bring back?

F(X) BINCH I NEED MORE MUSIC

My Questions!

if you had to chose one kpop stage outfit to wear for the rest of your life which would you choose?

favorite music video aesthetic?

Group you are most excited for in 2018?

Recommend me some underrated kpop songs/groups?

If you could join any group other than your bias group who would you join and why?

Favorite soloist? and some song recs?

Childhood Story? (thanks Cloud)

Were you in any fandoms before you got into kpop, if so what were they?

Favorite Comeback/debut of 2017?

astrological sign? Myers Briggs type? Hogwarts House (I'm a Gemini, infp, and Gryffindor)

Random question but what are your favorite names?

Tagging : @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime @yongpal-i (y'all can do mine if you feel like it!) @forgetjunnot @babybyuny @kae-popx @kiheehyunie @jeonwoooo @trbldean130 @howcaniwait @joshhjs @maetaamong and if you’ve already done this you don't have to do it again ahahahaha I feel like everyone has done it already lol

ok thats it do it if you want!

#ok so this literally would not post help me #thanks again for the tag #BYE #tag

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the-rxven-king · 6 years

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idk what to do about this (and ive been thinking about it for over a week now) so im gonna put it under a cut and if anyone else who plays d&d (specifically a dm but anyone tbh) wants to help me out with this player situation id appreciate it a lot, especially if they could get a response to me before tomorrow cause thats when our next session is (which is why ive been putting this off for so long)

tldr i guess cause its lo n g;; i have some players who seem like they arent invested (which as a dm who is putting hours of my own time into a campaign for them really kills my drive to continue running the group) and have caused problems the last few sessions and because its part of a club, i dont know how to tell them “fix your shit or get out” without sounding like a bitch and also without making things awkward

if you want the long version go under the cut

so i have a group of 3 girls and 3 guys. 2 of the girls are as invested as a player should be, as in they actually pay attention when i speak and try to come up with logical, in character solutions almost right after ive finished presenting a problem. the 3rd girl is very soft spoken and a long time friend of mine, and i try to include her when i can even though shes very quiet and tends to fade away. as a dm i am trying to work on including her more because, again, shes so quiet she tends to fade into the background and i really dont want her to be ignored in the group.

my issue arises with the boys. for 2 of them, if they have a conversation with each other, in or out of character, they ignore me. they disregard anything im saying, and pay more attention to each other. if i say one thing that gets them off track, even if its plot relevant, they have to be shouted at until they listen again by both me and the 2 girls i mentioned in the group. i feel bad about yelling at them, and i admit i did blow my top a bit last meeting because not only did they ignore me to a point i had to tell them to shut up in a very loud and unfortunately necessary way, but i also had to stop them from making jokes that made me uncomfortable (aka they were joking about r*pe and im not about that. i know someone who is a victim of that, and it has hurt them beyond belief and after seeing how terribly it hurt them and knowing the repercussions it caused, and just knowing in general how morally wrong it was, it made me feel sick that they found it so funny and i had to tell them off. they were pretty quiet after that, but the awkward and uncomfortable air subsided after that)

the third boy seems to be like??? half listening??? hes constantly on his phone. ive had this issue with a player before, but they left the group before i even mentioned it because they decided it wasnt for them and that was fine with me. hes on his phone a lot and that makes me unsure if he cares, but hell insert himself when he sees fit, if only to like??? make a joke??? he likes to be funny. i dont mind that at all, but it seems in every other serious situation he acts pretty absent. the other 2 will sometimes join him in this like... theyll be talking and pull out their computers and look at memes and mess around and ignore whats going on

like i said ive told them off (specifically the 2 cause honestly the 3rd hasnt really done anything wrong) before, even if it makes me feel really guilty, but its gotten to a point where im starting to feel discouraged. like is my story not good enough, do you just not care, is your main interest in the dice rolling and combat parts (cause as a dm thats not really my main concern im much more invested in telling a good, rich story that the players can shape and mold into something incredible but if they want more combat and such i can try and include it???), are you just more entertained by each other and hanging out then you are by my campaign like... what is it

my only issue at the moment is like... i would have brought this up already but this group formed and only meets as part of a club. theyre in this club and if i ask them to leave they either have to leave the club or they have to distance themselves from the group and find some other way to do it or something like that and both would make me feel bad. i cant force them to be invested in my story, and in no way would i ever want to force them to be invested. if they arent interested, then thats that. my issue is that they are actively causing distraction, or being obnoxious or something like that, and theyre also dragging me down creatively because the fact they dont even pretend to care about anything i say, even if it isnt story related, and constantly have to ask what were doing because theyve ignored me so much and thats really painful to me because i work my ass off for this campaign and this group because this is an original thing im coming up with and it takes a lot of hard work and im not sure that they know i spend hours upon hours upon hours to set up even an hours worth of content for them. its like theyre looking at my hard work, grabbing it, crumpling it up, and chucking it out the window??? at least thats what it feels like for me

so i guess my question is what should i do with them??? like i want to talk to them about it, because ive seen that when separated, one of the boys is invested and can be a very valuable asset to the team, seems to care at least moderately, and is honestly a very nice person to be around and play the game with (not sure about the other but one of them definitely). with the others i just... i dont even know anymore. idk how long i can tolerate it without just giving up. i really dont want to, because one of the 3 girls in this group brings a friend who just listens to the story and is invested and she herself also loves the story, and she makes sure to tell me, and she points out what she loves about it, and it gives me the confidence they... basically kill, to put it bluntly. if only for her, i want to keep going, but the fact that half of my players dont seem to give any shits really hurts me and my creative drive and my will to continue putting personal time and effort into creating this campaign and putting it out there for them.

sorry this got so rambly, i tried getting my point across in few words, but it didnt work out. if you even read this much, thank you. hopefully some sort of solution can be made because i really dont want to have to tell them to leave the group but ive started to reach my end with them

#the raven king speaks #this is kind of negative tbh so sorry about that #i just need help with this because ive been thinking it over for weeks and just thinking about confrontation is making me anxious and like #im literally tense rn just typing about it no fuckin joke #i just want it to get fixed cause this is the last d&d group i have rn and like...#d&d is my life??? and i really dont want to lose it???#making a d&d group is really fuckin hard. its really hard unless youre very popular or have a lot of friends #and i am not popular nor do i have a lot of friends #so i want to get this resolved in a nice way so we can keep playing without any issues #but um... yea theres my negative shit for today how are yall doin

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romancevsreality-blog · 6 years

Text

vanderpump rules, season six, episode two: three cheers for jax’s taco bell sweater!

I was fully prepared to write a whole long opener for this but then as soon as I did my computer was like “lololol suck it” and restarted. I had literally written one word and now I am enraged so let’s just get it poppin, daddy.

We open back at Scheana’s birthday party, and Schwartz is like, “My instinct is to protect Jax,” and Sandoval is like, “I gave him a heads up.” These boys are so loyal to Jax and Jax will shit all over their parties as soon as he can if it helps his bottom line. Jax is the absolute worst and these boys are simultaneously the worst (less Tom Sandoval than Schwartz) for protecting him1.

Meanwhile, Kristen is butting her head in where it doesn’t belong (#ClassicKristen) and trying to get Faith to talk to talk to her. Jax also doesn’t understand why he’s being “attacked” for “somehthing he didn’t do.” Faith says she has proof that she’s telling the truth and that Jax made all of these false promises to her about leaving Brittany and being with her.

Lisa reminds us that most of the stories we hear about Jax turn out to be true. For some reason, Jax doesn’t understand why Brittany is so quick to believe someone else’s story. Kristen’s pissed because Brittany’s easily the best thing that’s happened to - really, to any of the people in that group because Brittany at least seems to have a soul and Jax left his in a basement in Miami in 1879. He’s not allowed home, at least for now.

Scheana goes to have a shot with The Toms, DJ James Kennedy, J.D., and Jax Taylor, who literally looks like the bloated corpse of Hugh Hefner in his velvet suitjacket. Sandoval is vehemently defending Jax, saying there’s no proof that Jax did or did not sleep with Faith and it’s not fair to say he did. Jax is like, “I’m not going to chase Brittany down the street”, and Scheana tells him no, that’s a good idea.

I mean, as someone who has been chased after by a love interest both romantically and maliciously, I... just don’t do it? Scheana says that if she and the girls find out this rumor is true, they’re going to go Lorena Bobbitt on Jax.2

James revealed that Faith missed her period, and Jax is pissed. Those kind of lies ruin people’s lives but also, so does behaving as if your actions have zero consequences, JAX.

The next day, we’re at Villa Rosa, where Lisa Vanderpump’s car broker has arrived. I want to be the kind of rich where my car broker just pops in for tea like it ain’t no thang. Ken’s treated Lisa to a Rolls Royce that she’s apparently hinted to to Ken for a while then. Stassi rolls up like, “I literally don’t have air conditioning in my apartment and here you are getting a Rolls Royce on a Tuesday.” I agree with Stassi and now that she’s my Worst Enemy I hate myself for it3.

Stassi’s come over to meet with Lisa because she’s interested in getting into event planning as a career. She’s come to Lisa for advice because Lisa seems to know what she’s doing, and she needs a reason to get back to Sexy Unique Restaurant that isn’t working there. Lisa likes the fact that Stassi has a je ne sais quoi and gives her a chance to decorate and plan for Guillermo’s party. I know we talked about how Patrick and Stassi are back together, but even Lisa knows it’s not a good idea for them to be back together. Lisa’s like, “Why wouldn’t you get back with Jax?”

Y’all know I am pro-Jax and Stassi.

Lisa asks what it is about Jax that Brittany and Stassi can’t stay away from, and Stassi reminds us that he’s charismatic and manipulative and is such a people pleaser that he’ll say exactly what you want to hear, regardless of the truth. I really think that’s Jax’s inherent problem - he’s such a people pleaser while simultaneously being a narcissist. He wants everyone to like him so much he’ll say anything to get them on his side or get their attention - I mean, Stassi and Lisa are talking about him and he’s not even there - but when all of his lies come to a head it’s everyone else’s fault and not his. We get a great montage of Lisa pointing out that Stassi and Brittany were treated the exact same way by Jax. Stassi sadly thinks that Brittany’s better to Jax than she was, and Lisa reminds her that Stassi loved Jax just as much as Brittany does and regardless of that - it doesn’t make the way Jax treats them alright. We’re allowed to be just as mad for Stassi as we are for Brittany.

I’m sad they kind of blew past this, because I’ve always thought that was interesting. Stassi was the villain in the first season because she was the Woman Scorned and she wasn’t the nicest in general so it was okay for Jax to treat her like shit, especially after the way she treated Laura-Leigh. I think Stassi’s internalized a lot of that, and it’s now manifesting itself in her relationship with Patrick. She allows him to treat her like shit over and over again because everyone around her made it seem like that was okay before, so why wouldn’t it be okay now?

Stassi makes me sad. I don’t think she intends to do harm, I really don’t. I just think she’s naive, book-smart, and desperate to come across a way that she really isn’t.

Katie’s picking up a bunch of Miller Lite cans around her apartment and every time I see that spray-painted BUBBA canvas I want to scream. Everything about Katie feels like a Pinterest fail, including her personality4. Brittany’s knocking on the door and comes in with no makeup so you know she’s sad and mad. Brittany’s embarrassed because realistically - why did Jax do this with one of their friends, and who else has he done it with that she doesn’t know about? It’s sad because it seems like that’s the part she’s truly angry about - he cheated with someone she knows - and not the fact that Jax cheated in general5. She had a feeling he’s cheated, even found someone else’s fake eyelashes on the counter6. Everyone’s truly baffled and this proves that if Jax will cheat on Brittany of all people, he’ll cheat on anyone.

As if we didn’t know that already. Jax would cheat on a broom with a dustpan if that’s where his sexual predelictions lied. Brittany’s bought a ticket to Vegas, she’s gonna hang out with her friend from childhood, and she’s gonna party like a single girl with a reality show does in Vegas (aka: for free). Snaps to you, Brittany. Let the fake boobs breathe and get some creepy dudes to buy you overpriced drinks in a loud nightclub with dancers with eyes so dead and hair so long you’re genuinely concerned for their well being and then binge the next morning on a $50 unlimited buffet that never seems to end. I really love Vegas.

Oh, shit. Jax arrives at Katie’s7. Awkward. Brittany can’t even look at him and Jax is like, “why are you believing this?” She asks to see his phone, and clearly he’s cleared out his texts - WE’VE SEEN HIM DO THIS BEFORE - and it doesn’t prove anything. Jax remains defiant that He Has Done More For Brittany Than She Has For Him as always, and she’s done. She says she hates him in a way that seems so real and genuine I can’t handle it. If it’s fake, someone give Brittany a god damn Emmy.

We’re at PUMP, where Raquel and James have come to meet with Lisa. Racquel’s wearing the shortest of shorts and Lisa of course points them out first thing. Raquel’s gotten some new colored contacts that make her frighteningly catlike8 and she’s interested in working at Vanderpump Dogs. Doesn’t she know cats and dogs are the major enemy of the animal kingdom?! Lisa’s like, “so what do you do?” and because Raquel is a college student, she doesn’t know how to answer any questions other than, “How are you?” and “What are you studying?” The first time anyone asked me what I ‘did’ I was baffled by the entire notion of people not being in college.

Raquel is apparently a model and also is studying Kinesiology, something Lisa is a little impressed by. Raquel’s probably better off volunteering and dressing appropriately at Vanderpump Pups9 than actually working there. There’s more shit picking-up than shit stirring there.

Oh, and James is there to beg for his job back. Lisa was so proud until that moment because she thought James was there for Raquel but GUESS NOT. James is given a trial on Tuesday, which is more than he deserves, tbh. But again, these people have to be working in order for this show to remain about its central source: Lisa Vanderpump Promoting Her Restaurants.

It’s Ariana’s brother Jeremy’s birthday, and I cannot be bothered to care. We see Peter for the first time this season and he’s with Tom Schwartz who pulls into first place for My #1 Most Hated in this episode by whinging about how he misses Katie. I don’t miss her. It’s the second birthday in 12 hours that Katie wasn’t invited to and isn’t that TELLING? Tom’s pretty wasted and it’s not a good look on him at all. Jeremy’s moved into Tom and Ariana’s apartment again and this time, it hasn’t killed their sex life because their sex life was already dead to begin with.

James is shocked that Faith isn’t coming, because it’s not like anyone there is pissed off at her. Everyone’s in pretty much agreement: Faith fucked up, but it takes two to tango, Jax.

Brittany heads back over to her apartment with Jax and starts packing her things. Holy shit, their apartment has a set of stairs up into their bedroom. I would like that in my life, please. Brittany’s rearing and ready to go for Round 2, asking Jax if he fucked in their bed. And then, holy shit:

Jax admits to having sex with Faith.

Oh my god.

Oh my god!!!!

Y’all, I’m not even shocked he did it.

I’m genuinely shocked that he didn’t do the Jax Special: deny it, gaslight the shit out of Faith and Brittany, drag it out for half of the season, and then spend the other half begging for forgiveness to get it in the season finale.

I mean, we all know what Jax is doing at this point. He so badly wants out of this relationship but he refuses to break up with Brittany because he knows that he’ll be the bad guy who broke the sweet girl’s heart, so he continues over and over to fuck up in hopes that she’ll break down and dump him. He always fucks up and says “I understand if you want to break up with me.” Every time. EVERY TIME!!!! He constantly talks about her looks, her work ethic, her desperation in his talking heads. He embarasses himself and her in front of her family and in front of their friends. And now: he cheats on her, which is his last resort. But she refuses to give up because she knows what he has with him is more than without him, and he doesn’t want to deal with the social ostracization that would come with him breaking up with her at this point.

Jax cheated when Brittany and him were having a hard time, and even though that’s not what you should do, Jax did it anyway because he’s a god damn monster. He doesn’t have a good excuse, and then you realize that the sweater he was wearing over the polo is a god damn TACO BELL SWEATSHIRT AND I CAM CRYING LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The editors of this show are my favorite people.

Lisa is being honored at Long Beach Pride, and the Toms and Ariana are going to support Lisa because they have to make sure that Lisa knows they support her. Basically, they’re going to kiss ass. They’re all still baffled by the notion of Jax cheating on Brittany, and James is like, “Faith told me they didn’t use a condom and she missed her period.” That’s when Tom Sandoval does a complete 180 and flips - JAX IS LITERALLY 1000 YEARS OLD. Jax has literally used every single type of birth control ever created on the planet and he does not understand the basic idea of using a FREAKING condom.

There are far many more black people at Jeremy’s birthday than I ever expected and I honestly want a webseries about the black people of Vanderpump Rules now more than ever.

James and Kristen apparently talked last night, and Schwartz is both wasted and being a tattletale. He goes to talk to Jax about how everyone is gossiping about him and Tom Schwartz starts crying. He’s wasted, and he’s realizing that he has no drive. He’s under new pressures - marriage, a future family, and he’s feeling it for real. Tom Sandoval gets my award for Favorite Person in this episode when he tells Schwartz that he is lucky and blessed to have him as a friend and that he’s excited to open this bar with him.

I’m not crying, you’re crying.10

Brittany��s sobbing and on the phone with her mom. She tells her that he admitted to cheating and her mom just sounds like she’s trying to feel bad for her. Jax watches Brittany get into her Uber to the airport fromt the balcony in his Taco Bell sweatshirt and it’s so dramatic but untintenitonally hilarious because of that sweatshirt.

We’re at Long Beach Gay Pride, and Lisa is wearing a white jumpsuit with a cape, so she’s beeng oing through my pinterest board, which is 90% jumpsuits with capes. Lisa is Grand Marshall of their parade, and she’s emotional. Tom and Ariana flag Lisa down and she stops and is like, “Where’s Schwartz?”

He’s pooping. The least surprising thing ever.

Tom Sandoval has a glorious glitter highlight and Schwartz starts straight in with defending Jax and feeling bad that Jax is at home crying to himself on the couch alone. Lisa shuts that shit right down and tells him he’s going to look like a fool if he wants to be on Jax’s side. They’re happy he admitted to it, and Lisa is just hopeful Brittany dumps him 5ever.

One of the rare things in life I didn’t realize I needed was Lisa Vanderpump going to a leather tent. Tom Sandoval decides to get flogged by Ariana to hopefully get some of their issues out via BDSM. Every conversation has devolved back to Jax and Brittany - Lisa asks where Brittany is now, and Tom Schwartz is certain they’re going to get back together because Jax just can’t help himself. Ariana calls bullshit on that and so do I, especially when Schwartz tries to claim it’s in his DNA to be a manwhore.

Cheating is prevalent in Jamaican culture and the burden is always placed on the woman, it’s never then man’s choice to cheat. They’ll justify it with the bible and with science and whatever logic they need to but the truth is, it’s just not right. If you really can’t avoid your carnal urges don’t pull other people into it.

Tom and Tom both tell Lisa they love her and they’re just passionate and enthusiastic about what’s to happen with TomTom, and maybe that comes across as little too much at times. Lisa admits what’s true - she doesn’t need the for their expertise, just for their vibes and general essence. She wants them to help curate a cocktail menu and create an ambiance but leave the design to her.

How many restaurants has Lisa Vanderpump opened?

How many restaurants have Schwartz & Sandoval opened?

I rest my case.

Kristen has arrived at Stassi’s apartment and immediately starts shopping Stassi’s closet, something I do whenever I arrive at a new place after asking if you have any La Croix. No, I don’t want a glass of water11. Stassi’s getting ready for dinner with Patrick and she’s nervous. She’s obsessively putting her hair back because he like it when her hair is pushed back. This is already making me so sad. Kristen is basically staring at Stassi the way Jennifer Jason Leigh looked at Bridget Fonda in Single White Female.

Stassi talks about how she didn’t want to be judged for going back to Patrick after they broke up so she didn’t tell anyone, but she’s thrilled to be back with him. Considering we already know that he broke up with her on their anniversary, this is all so depressing. Especially when Kristen’s like “I’m already planning Stassi and Patrick’s wedding!!!”

Patrick comes over and...

Wait, what?

That’s what Patrick looks like?

No. No. NO! Nonononono.

You’re telling me Stassi left this show for a greasy red-faced coke bloated guy who chose man bun in 2017?!?!?!?!?!@?!?!?!

I AM HAVING A MELTDOWN.

I want to die. Stassi likes him becuase he’s straight out of Game of Thrones and I am gagging. No.

Scheana and Ariana are at work, and Brittany’s returned from her vacation with my favorite revenge look - refreshed and glowing.

Amanda’s Favorite Revenge Looks:

Hydrated, refreshed, good-night-of-sleep, lit from within “I’m not affected at all”

Full glam, tits out for the girls, eyelashes, painted for the gods realess - this is saved for major events

“Oh, I just happen to look this good on a day when I just happen to run into you at this annual party we’ve attended before together”

Brittany had a great time in Vegas, but she’s still going through it emotionally. Scheana tries to be like “I totally know, I was just there,” BIIIIIITCH you were dating Rob five seconds after Shay moved out. Brittany was grossed out by everyone in Vegas despite going there to party like a single girl and like Brittany... did you forget you’re in a relationship with Jax Taylor? Like, Vegas guys are gross, but he’s a decaying specimen dripping venom and STD sludge on everything he touches. She just wants to be alone for a bit and she’s gonna go to work and focus. Because Brittany is smart.

Stassi dressed for Patrick that night, and he’s happy. She asks if he she looks like a skank and he’s like, “Definitely.” Patrick starts immediately questioning Stassi’s ability to be an event planner becuase she’s never done it and knows nothing about it but somehow managed to convince Lisa that she could. When she mentions that his podcast makes her feel insecure about her podcast12, and he condescends to her by using bigger words than she knows like “juggernaut”. Patrick’s going to Amsterdamn without Stassi and he’s like, “Hey, I was without you for eight months, six days ain’t shit.” He doesn’t really let her speak, he just kind of talks AT her - “What lesson did we learn? The lesson is don’t talk when you’re apart and when you get back together, don’t talk about what happened when you were apart.” Stassi want so badly for this to work this time - if you get back together after dating for three years and breaking up for almost a year, it’s embarrassing if it doesn’t work out in the end. Patrick’s freaked out by all of this. She fully says that if Patrick tried to break up with her that she’d be like, “Nope, not happening.” He thinks people don’t realize how crazy she is, and he has no idea.

Jax shows up to work not in uniform - he’s wearing a navy shirt - and Ariana and Tom bought a whip. Of course Tom is turned on by Ariana with a whip, Tom just seems like the type to be turned on when Ariana takes a breath and I love that about him. Jax is probably going to see if he can trade with someone so things aren’t awkward with Brittany, who conveniently walks up and asks for a vodka soda at that moment. A drink that takes five seconds to make magically takes five awkward minutes because Tom Sandoval is the only bartender in America that doesn’t have lemon slices.

Jax is like, “I should go talk to her,” and Sandoval reminds her that’s a terrible idea. Lisa goes to talk to Brittany and tells her that she’s young and doesn’t need to put up with this shit. Tom tells Jax that he probably needs space from their apartment and he needs to get some help. Scheana and Ariana go to help Brittany, and Jax rants about how if anyone not involved - Scheana, Kristen, Ariana - tries to come at him, he’s going to lose it. Tom Sandoval reminds him that he’s the one who put himself in this situation and now he has to deal with it all. Even Sandoval is pissed. Jax is in denial - he’s like, “I’ll go to a hotel, but I don’t think that’s what she wants,” and Sandoval reassured him that yes, Brittany wants to be alone right now. She does not wantt o be around you. But oh, Brittany slept with Jax earlier that day.

Brittany, gurl. Come on.

I get that it’s hard to move on past him but you don’t have to fuck the dude.

Next Week: Tom brings Lisa a gift, Stassi is throwing a “Fuck Jax” party, and Jax flips out. OH, HELLO, LALA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

My favorite part of this episode is drunk Tom Schwartz admitting he has Stockholm Syndrome and Ariana and Tom just talking over him.

I’m so proud of the people on this show for their ability to keep storylines under wraps. I was convinced from social media this season was ging to be boring and everyone getting along and it is so fire.

I’m loving the small doses of Katie and Kristen. It’s the perfect amount, espeically after last season being 100% Katie, 100% of the time.

Another Lala-free episode, what ever will I do?

Seriously, the reason why #MeToo is happening is because men are now realizing that even by sitting back and saying nothing they’re complicit in sexual harassment. “Protecting” your friend makes you culpable. Stop asking women to make men better. Men should be doing that themselves and holding each other accountable. ↩︎

Just here to remind you that Lorena Bobbitt was a woman who was abused and raped in her marriage in a time when no one did shit about women being abused and raped in their marriage and she should have sparked a national discussion about spousal rape. Instead, we get her name tossed around willy-nilly as a form of a crude punchline. What Lorena Bobbitt did was never about cutting off a dick, but the story turned into that. ↩︎

I also wish I was the kind of person who was impressed by cars. Like, I can see that it’s a gorgeously crafted piece of machinery but... eh? I much prefer Lisa’s house porn. ↩︎

Holy SHIT she even has the peephole frame from Friends on her door… but THE PEEP HOLE IS TO THE RIGHT OF THE FRAME. I fucking hate you, Katie. Oh my god. ↩︎

I think she realizes what she gets out of being in a relationship with this guy, unfortunately. I mean, she has @brittany on Instagram. I can’t imagine what she paid for that handle, and she certainly only got it because of her notoriety from being on this show. I would love for @amanda on insta, but I have to settle for @lochnessmanda (shameless plug, follow me!). As we (I mean y’all, not me) have seen from the Kentucky spin-off, her family so wants her to get married to this dude they’ll put up with anything except homosexuality. ↩︎

Fake eyelashes are expensive, if I’m sleeping with a guy with a girlfriend I’m definitely not leaving THOSE behind. Slip those in the sunglasses compartment of your purse!!!! I really should write an article about “nasty beauty hacks” like “no hair-tie and you’re sleeping at a guy’s house? Use your underwear!” I’m disgusting. Didn’t I spend a paragraph talking about how not trashy I am last week? Pfft. ↩︎

Jax is everything I hate about men’s fashion - the chunky sweaters, the collars under crew-neck sweaters, ugh. It’s all awful. He looks terrible in clothes, how did he have a modeling career. ↩︎

Like Michael Jackson in the Thriller music video. ↩︎

Vanderpups is such a lost opportunity here. ↩︎

As a person who is very insecure about the kind of friend she is, it’s nice to see people who are genuinely good friends to others. I’m very lucky to have the friends I have in my life and I hope I regularly remind them of how important they are to me. And now I’m really crying. ↩︎

Honestly, though, growing up in Metro Detroit, this was not a strange question to be asked. I honestly taste Tangerine La Croix when I hang out with my friend Celia’s mom. I would go over there to hang out with Celia, and stay for the La Croix. ↩︎

Speaking of podcasts... ↩︎

#vanderpump rules #GIVE ME LALA #WHERE IS LALA #omg i'm just glad i'm done #bachelor bios are coming this week aren't they #good god i am busy #recap #tv recap #reality tv

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r0rorowurboat · 6 years

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All of them!

200: My crush’s name is: n/a lmao199: I was born in: naples, fl198: I am really: gay?? idk197: My cellphone company is: t mobile196: My eye color is: green/blue/gray/idk man195: My shoe size is: 7 1/2 8 sometimes194: My ring size is: um i think that was 7 too but i dont remember193: My height is: 5′4″192: I am allergic to:pineapples and penicillin191: My 1st car was: a v old red saturn190: My 1st job was: a waitress189: Last book you read: um i think it was uhhhhhh shit uhhhh god fuck it was the warrior cats book but!!! it was bc i was stuck at my sister house with nothing but bibles or that series to read188: My bed is: an air mattress atm187: My pet: is perfect and i love her her name is luna and shes a little black cat who loves cuddles and kisses186: My best friend:is wonderful and i love him185: My favorite shampoo is: uhm. error i hardly ever use shampoo bc i have v dry curly hair and it makes it horrible184: Xbox or ps3: pc boi183: Piggy banks are: cure182: In my pockets: they dont make pockets in womens fashion wtf are you on. but uh. usually my phone, wallet, and keys181: On my calendar: i.. dont.. have one. 180: Marriage is: alright i guess. tax benefits179: Spongebob can: do that annoying laugh 178: My mom: tries v hard177: The last three songs I bought were? *squints* i think... it was keshas new album?176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CQuR8LVKhUE175: How many cousins do you have? 2174: Do you have any siblings? yes i have 3 older sisters173: Are your parents divorced? yeup172: Are you taller than your mom? nope171: Do you play an instrument? not anymore but i used to play clarinet170: What did you do yesterday? uhm spent the day at home as usual[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: nah man168: Luck: to an extent i guess?167: Fate: i dont think so. 166: Yourself: sometimes165: Aliens: yes164: Heaven: nah163: Hell: nah162: God: nah161: Horoscopes: yes160: Soul mates: nah159: Ghosts: hmmm probably158: Gay Marriage: yes!157: War: no156: Orbs: orbs?? what are those?? like in ghost hunter shows? bc if so then no155: Magic: hm. what type? i think theres stuff we dont know about but idk if id call it magic. I think certain things have more power than we give credit. idk its hard to explain.[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs153: Drunk or High: drunk152: Phone or Online: online151: Red heads or Black haired: redheadsredheadsredheads150: Blondes or Brunettes: hmmmm blondes i guess?149: Hot or cold: cold148: Summer or winter: winter147: Autumn or Spring: autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: hmmm oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: usually sneakers tbh but uhhh i own more heels then flip flops138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: hm i mean i guess sweet and poor? im already poor so137: Coke or Pepsi: i dont drink soda, water. or coffee136: Hillary or Obama: obama135: Burried or cremated: cremated134: Singing or Dancing: singing133: Coach or Chanel: um. walmart? 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who or who?131: Small town or Big city: hm idk. probably city? 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither pls128: Manicure or Pedicure: hmmm manicure probs.127: East Coast or West Coast: i live on the east coast but idk west coast is home to a lot of friends so hmmmm126: Your Birthday or Christmas: its like a week apart there isnt much difference125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: i dont sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: icky121: George Bush: memes?120: Gay Marriage: im gay119: The presidential election: my vote didnt matter!118: Abortion: its your body your choice117: MySpace: never had one116: Reality TV: i mean, its fake? entertaining tho115: Parents: eh. 114: Back stabbers: icky113: Ebay: cheap stuff112: Facebook: only for family tbh111: Work: pays the bills110: My Neighbors: dont know them109: Gas Prices: expensive108: Designer Clothes: overpriced107: College: wish i could afford it!106: Sports: nah105: My family: haha104: The future: haha[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: my grandma a few days ago102: Last time you ate: pizza a few hours ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: moving day seeing my extended family again100: Cried in front of someone: the other night with my mom or uhhh in call with kina today actually99: Went to a movie theater: wow uh pretty long time ago i dont actually remember98: Took a vacation: haha idk man97: Swam in a pool: wow uh idk96: Changed a diaper: hm last time i was with the twins. not sure how long its been. maybe 2 or 3 months?95: Got my nails done: when did my sister get married? years ago idk94: Went to a wedding: ^^93: Broke a bone: never have92: Got a peircing: about a year ago91: Broke the law: heh uh 90: Texted: a few hours ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: probably kina or riley rn88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my mom tbh. the kids. wyatt. 87: The last movie I saw: the orphan86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: hm idk getting a job i guess85: The thing im not looking forward to: getting a job lmao84: People call me: by my name. but i have nicknames now!! Ray, rachi, babe, ray baby... its very nice and makes me feel warm and fuzzy and loved83: The most difficult thing to do is: hmmm clean? be honest about things that are bothering me? idk82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never81: My zodiac sign is: capricorn sun aquarius moon80: The first person i talked to today was: the gc i think?79: First time you had a crush: i was v young and they had freckles and red hair and i died78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: um i try not to hide things in general! but someone who will call me out recently is raiken and archie lmao77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: riley lmao tho i beat her to it

76: Right now I am talking to: riley75: What are you going to do when you grow up: i am grown up technically. uh. hopefully be an animator74: I have/will get a job: as a cashier probably73: Tomorrow: i have a job interview and then im gonna get coffee72: Today: was a long day71: Next Summer: hmmm idk70: Next Weekend: IDK GOD69: I have these pets: a cat!! who i love!!! and already gushed about but shes laying on my lap and purring rn and its so soothing68: The worst sound in the world: scratching against those uhhhh holographic things???? god i hate it67: The person that makes me cry the most is: hmnn my dad haha66: People that make you happy: my friends!!! Kina, Ali, Archie, Riley, Leo, Raiken, Mimi...... all of them good pals the squad my faves i love them65: Last time I cried: today rip64: My friends are: GOOD AND AMAZING I LOVE THEM63: My computer is: big! and i like it62: My School: none61: My Car: ded from the hurricane rip me60: I lose all respect for people who: are shitty? idk. 59: The movie I cried at was: hmmmm idk movies dont usually make me cry58: Your hair color is: uhm it was really dark blue but as the color has faded it kind of looks black/brown now57: TV shows you watch: a lot of them56: Favorite web site: uh i guess tumblr55: Your dream vacation: not being here!! probably just going around visiting everyone and hanging out having a good time54: The worst pain I was ever in was: tearing a ligament in my knee it hurt a lot53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium 52: My room is: messy51: My favorite celebrity is: ummm idk50: Where would you like to be: home tbh49: Do you want children: idk48: Ever been in love: ye47: Who’s your best friend: hhhhhhhhhhhh raiken46: More guy friends or girl friends: girls and nb babes45: One thing that makes you feel great is: just hanging out with people tbh44: One person that you wish you could see right now: i guess that would be my mom haha43: Do you have a 5 year plan: i did once. idk what happened to it haha i guess things never really go according to plan and it just hurts more to make one. just set goals, not plans.42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: i did once but i dont think i have the same values as i did when i made that41: Have you pre-named your children: i used to but idk if i want kids anymore40: Last person I got mad at: ummmm hmm 39: I would like to move to: hmm somewhere with 4 seasons not just summer and less hot summer38: I wish I was a professional: artist[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: kit-kats36: Vehicle: um idk small ones i guess35: President: obama? idk34: State visited: ooohhh michigan33: Cellphone provider: ive only ever had the one so idk32: Athlete: uh31: Actor: uh30: Actress: uh29: Singer: hmmmmmmmm rn i would have to say Bea Miller but check back with me in a week28: Band: The Silent Comedy27: Clothing store: hmmmm cotton on has really comfy clothes26: Grocery store: target or publix25: TV show: rn? bnha24: Movie: hhhhhh um idk uhhhhh moulin rouge i guess? it used to be my fav but idk anymore23: Website: tumblr22: Animal: elephants21: Theme park: epcot20: Holiday: halloween19: Sport to watch: none18: Sport to play: none17: Magazine: none16: Book: hmmmmm A Monster Calls15: Day of the week: none14: Beach: hh13: Concert attended: never been12: Thing to cook: uh i guess eggs11: Food: sushi10: Restaurant: its a really good sushi place with bubble tea and thai donuts that i dont remember the name of9: Radio station: hhh idk8: Yankee candle scent: idk7: Perfume: i dont really like perfume it gives me headaches6: Flower: ooooh gardenia5: Color: blue/green teal4: Talk show host: john oliver3: Comedian: hh2: Dog breed: hmmm husky? also labradors and uhhh all dogs tbh ohhh pitbulls and rottweilers i love dogs good yes1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ye mostly

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