#i've seen bad movies before but this one bothers me because it's actually good. it just fucking sucks too
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i can't stay quiet about this anymore. for weeks now i've thought, noo i won't write about knights of the zodiac on my blog. nobody cares. BUT it is the weirdest fucking movie i've ever seen and i need to tell you about it.
knights of the zodiac is an american made live action adaptation of the anime/manga saint seiya. before this film, i'd never even heard of it, but that doesn't matter, because i watched an interview with mackenyu (who plays seiya) who said that the director told him not to bother watching the anime or reading the manga, because he wanted this movie to be its own thing. you know, which is always a great way to bring in your core audience.
with that said, i'm viewing this film entirely on its own merit, with no context of the source material. so saint seiya fans may not want to read this.
the movie came out this past may. i was excited about it for no other reason than mackenyu starring in an american action movie. i'm honestly a little surprised people weren't more jazzed about that. there aren't a lot of japanese actors starring in big budget american action movies.
other cast members include sean bean (who, spoiler alert, dies), famke janssen, and mark dacascos. in case you don't recognize those names, they are, respectively, boromir/ned stark, jean grey from x-men, and the iron chef. if nothing else, i think it's worth watching for the utterly bizarre casting.
the premise, sort of: mackenyu, who appears to be contractually obligated to play angsty younger brother characters (i think this is the 7th thing i've seen him in where he is an angsty younger brother), has an older sister who is missing. he's a poor orphan boy who gets by on winning cage fights. or something. so boromir finds him and tells him he's destined to be athena's bodyguard, and he gets on board with this alarmingly fast, but not after antagonizing athena (who is not yet athena) and throwing out some snarky one-liners. he trains in the middle of nowhere with a masked lady who repeatedly kicks his ass, and he never changes clothes the entire time. there's other stuff too but it's secondary to the absolute batshittery of this movie.
i saw it on premiere night, which was also the premiere night of the new guardians of the galaxy movie. again, A+ move by the promotional team. so there i was on a saturday at 7pm. prime movie going time. and my best friend and i were the only ones in the theater.
although i had no real expectations for this movie beyond Mackenyu Hits Things And Is Sad, i believed one of two things would happen: it would be as terrible as it sounded, or it would actually be phenomenal. but no, it was neither bad, nor good, but a secret third thing: it scratched a deep and rabid part of my id.
and by that i mean, it appeared to be a very high budget love letter to glaringly submissive men.
here's my letterboxd review that i wrote in the brief hypomanic episode succeeding my initial viewing:
okay so first and most importantly, this scene made me actually scream:
it's a joke line, sure, but 1) he definitely means it, and 2) he immediately calls her "princess," which if you've ever read my fic, you'll know that that's a one-hit KO for me.
(putting this under a cut because it's already long)
you see how athena is framed above seiya? that is one of approximately 1000 shots where this occurs. to every male character. at one point, mackenyu perches gingerly on the back of athena's motorcycle. in fact the only male character who attempts to be dominant aggressive and toxically masculine becomes the punching bag of the film.
in the beginning, seiya is in a cage match where people are getting angry at him for "dancing," which means he doesn't fight so much as avoids getting hit and looks pretty doing it. a solid third of the movie involves a very large lady beating the crap out of him. the premise of the film is getting him to devote his entire life to a goddess and obey protect her at all costs.
i'm probably the only one who watched this movie and was like, hmm is this kink coded? am i insane for seeing this? usually when i think of kink coding i think of quentin tarantino's foot fetish, these long gaudy shots of women's feet hanging out of car windows. it's in the imagery and shot composition and power dynamics.
here, the imagery is a lot of kneeling men, the shot compositions repeatedly place the men lower than the women, and the power dynamics are simply that the women have all the power, and the men have a little, as a treat. jean grey is a straight-up femdom, leather and all.
by the end of the climax, seiya is naked, having been stripped of his (magical and very powerful) armor as pre-athena becomes athena and uh, blasts his clothes off in the process. there's probably something to be said there about, you know, literally stripping him of his power.
i think what i find particularly remarkable about this is that the repeated feminization of the male lead is treated as a good thing. a self-actualizing thing. it's the process through which he accepts himself and his destiny. that's the reason i say it's a love letter--i've known a lot of submissive men and many of them really struggle to accept that part of themselves. i had a friend once who was so ashamed of himself--not just that he was submissive, but that submission was an integral part of his identity--that he had a breakdown in my car over it. so i think it's nice seeing a vaguely positive portrayal of finding oneself through (textually) devotion and (subtextually) submission.
god help me, seiya spends the entire film being irritating and bratty. this movie is my personal kryptonite.
don't get me wrong, it's a terrible movie. the writing is awful, the direction is awful, and if it gets a second film, i'll be shocked. it received a 1.9 (out of 5) on letterboxd and a 4.4 (out of 10) on imdb.
but i've also always been a lover of the star wars prequels (and oh boy there's a lot to be said there about submissive men) and so my patience for bad writing is infinite in the face of interesting things happening on a character level. in a world of disneyfied stock plots and bloated marvel franchises, i appreciate when a movie tries to do something different, even if it doesn't do it very well.
anyway, i can't in good conscience recommend it, but i for one plan to watch it at least a hundred more times.
#i would love to tag this so i can find it later but i really don't want it to show up in the official tag#so uhh#film meta
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Ghost isn't allowed to watch saw movies anymore cause he'll point to the screen like
"I've done that one before"
"This reminds me of Mexico, good times"
"Saws an idiot, I could do this way better"
"Oh hey, that's just like how I got this scar, see?"
"Oh that's a good one, better write that down, might come in handy"
Not only does the commentary freak poor Kyle out, but then ghost ends up staying up the rest of the night to avoid nightmares- which he will vehemently deny are movie related- and he's a total bitch the next day
Ghost is actually very fidgety during horror movies. One of the only ways he can get through them is by making jokes or comments throughout the movie. This often comes off as Ghost being unbothered by the movie completely while he's actually barely handling it calmly.
The 'Saw' movies really bother him because he has indeed been in very similar situations before. They bring up bad memories but Ghost is the type to 'face his fears' due to his strong belief in exposure therapy. But still, no matter how many of the movies he's seen, they still scare the shit out of him and make him incredibly anxious.
So, joking around during the movie helps distract him from how much they freak him out. Gaz getting scared because some of the shit he says helps, actually. Seeing that Gaz was more concerned about him than the movie just helps Ghost see that it's just that. A movie. But, unfortunately, he's lived through real horror movies.
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Wash Day With The Moonknight Boys
Pairing: Moonknight trio x Black!Reader
Word Count: 1.8k
Warnings: None, if it wasn't obvious these are self indulgent fluff PALACES
Genre: fluff
Summary: What wash day is like when the moonknight boys drop by for a visit
***
You toss the last bit of hair into your wastebin as you finish taking down your braids.
"Hey, y/n, where are ya sweetheart?" You hear from your living room. Oh. You didn't even hear the sliding door to your balcony open. Apparently your one of your boyfriends is getting much better at sneaking in. It was Marc's voice shouting for you but it's equally likely that Jake had gotten in for him.
"Bedroom!" You shout back, pausing the series you started to get through taking out your hair.
"What're you doing babe?" Marc leans against your doorframe.
"It's wash day so- I just finished taking down my braids." You say standing from the floor to greet him with a kiss.
"Wash day, huh?" He hums.
"Yeah, what brings you by?" You ask.
"Nothing specific, we just missed you. Hope we're not inconveniencing you too much."
"You're never inconveniencing me, don't be ridiculous. Hi Steven, hi Jake, by the way."
"Hello love." Steven smiles quickly.
"You guys are so much better at switching these days." You muse.
"It helps that we aren't hiding from each other anymore. Hello mi vida." Jake shrugs with a lazy smirk.
"Yeah that might help." You giggle.
"So, reinita, what're your plans for the evening? Just washing your hair?" Jake asks.
"Well, that alone is going to take an hour, but I do also have to do something after so that it's manageable tomorrow."
"Are you braiding it again?" Steven's back now, always the most inquisitive.
"Not in the immediate future. I think I'll wear it out for a bit." You shrug.
"Really?"
"Yes lovely."
"Mm I love when you wear your hair out." Marc hums.
"I didn't realize you've seen my hair out?" You frown.
"You know just because you didn't meet me right away doesn't mean I didn't see you before you knew about us."
"I mean I know but in the beginning I hardly wore it out even around Steven. I think I had braids when we met."
"You did." He nods. "I'd like to backtrack though, you said washing your hair takes an hour?"
"Yes."
"Wait how long do the braids take then?"
"To put in or take out?" You laugh.
"Both?"
"Depends on the style. The braids I just had take like 5 hours to put in by myself on a good day and maybe 4 to take out because I can cut them and do much less unbraiding than braiding. But of course that's if I don't get distracted or hungry. Usually I just dedicate a whole day to anything hair related." You shrug.
"Oh- do you just always plan it around whenever we're occupied with Khonshu?"
"No actually that's usually just coincidence, but I do try to make sure we're not supposed to have plans that day. Like today."
"We're really sorry-"
"Don't apologize Steven. I already said you weren't a bother. I love that you all came to surprise me. I just have to wash my hair first then we can order food and watch a movie once I've finished." You say.
"Wait what should I do while you wash your hair?" Steven asks.
"Uh I got some new books on the shelf if you wanna check them out. Or you could watch something, I'm not sure Steven there's 3 of you I'd hope you can manage the hour my love." You chuckle.
"We can manage he's just clingy my vida." Jake rolls his eyes.
"Be nice now Jakey, I love Steven just as he is. Don't make him feel bad about it." You nudge him grabbing a spare t-shirt and your wide tooth comb.
"Sure thing. See you in an hour. Should I order food?"
"We'll wait to order since I'll be a while." You step into the bathroom. You take several minutes to soak your hair before you shampoo. After massaging your scalp for a while, you rinse it out. You cut the water off and put conditioner in your hair. You hear a knock on the bathroom door once you start working through your hair with a comb.
"Are you done love?" Steven's voice is muffled through the door and you giggle.
"No, not yet. I did say I'd be a while lovely." You tell him.
"I know but I was grabbing a phone charger from your room and I heard the water stop."
"Yeah- because I'm about to spend at least 30 minutes detangling it and if I kept the water on it would surely go cold before I get out." You explain. You hear the door crack open before he speaks again.
"Thirty minutes?! That's so long to just stand in silence."
"Well usually I listen to music while I wash my hair but I didn't bring my speaker today so I was probably just going to sing or something."
"Did you want company?"
"You want to sit in the bathroom while I detangle my hair?" You stop detangling for a second to look towards him even though you can't see him through the shower curtain.
"Only if you'd like, to help pass the time, you know? I can talk about our assignment for Khonshu last night, or work today, or the book I've been reading lately. I can also grab your speaker if you'd rather just-"
"You can stay Steven. Come on in baby." You say with a smile. Marc and Jake make fun of him for being clingy but you actually think his tendencies are cute. Even if it means he wants to hang with you while you wash your hair. It's endearing, even if he won't outwardly say it, that he wants to be close to you at all times.
"What should I talk about then?"
"You had a mission for Khonshu yesterday?"
"Yes, I was off work and Jake was bored so, ended up basically running an errand."
"Was it interesting at all?" You ask.
"More interesting than doing nothing but as far as missions for him go, it was very tame." Steven says.
"I hope that silly old bird is being nice to you all." You hum.
"He's not any worse than he's ever been. Still a cranky old deity." He laughs.
"Well tell me about this errand Jake had to run." You tell him. Steven launches in a retelling of their latest Khonshu mission while you finish detangling your hair.
"I'm turning the shower back on but keep talking baby." You tell him once you're finished taking knots out of your hair and scrubbing your skin with bodywash.
"Oh- has it been a half hour already?" Steven asks.
"Probably. I mean I did start before you came in here but I only know how much time I've been in here when I have music to mark the passage of time." You say rinsing first your body and then your hair. When you finally push back the shower curtain and grab your towel Steven is smiling at you.
"Hi." He says.
"Hello, I'd ask if you miss me but, you were in here for half the time I was here." You giggle, tying your t-shirt around your hair to dry yourself off.
"I didn't realize how much effort goes into your hair." Steven tells you.
"I don't usually talk about it. It's never really comes up, but I mean if you have any questions you can ask." You say leaving the bathroom. Steven follows you to your room.
"I don't have anything to ask right now but I'll keep that in mind. Should we order food now?"
"Sure, what do you want?" You ask putting on lotion and looking for clothes. You throw on a pair of shorts and one of your hoodies before Steven answers. "Steven?" You frown at him.
"Steven and Jake are arguing. We're ordering pizza because it'll be another hour before they agree on something." Marc says.
"Alright, pizza it is." You laugh grabbing your phone. You order a large pizza for you to share with them and walk out to the living room with Marc behind you.
"I can't believe Steven sat in there talking your ear off while you washed your hair." Marc muses sitting on the couch.
"Don't start. You know I think it's cute." You smack is arm as you sit beside him and turn the TV on.
"You're so soft on him."
"Because he's my boyfriend? Just like you and Jake- don't pretend I'm not soft to all of you." You roll your eyes.
"I don't need soft." Marc scoffs.
"You sure about that?" You ask carding your fingers through his hair.
"Now that isn't fair." He says with a pout as he instinctively leans into your touch.
"I'm soft, no one said anything about fair." You smile unwrapping your hair to dry it with the shirt you tied it in.
"Don't you own a blow dryer?" Marc asks.
"I do, somewhere, but I try not to use it if I can help it. Air drying is the best way so I usually stick with that. Especially since it'll have all night to dry completely after I twist it later." You shrug. Marc takes the t-shirt from you and takes over drying your hair.
"You're gonna twist it later? Won't that take a while?"
"Depends on how many. It usually takes an hour or so and they don't have to be super nice because I'm gonna take them out in the morning. It's just to keep it from tangling while it dries so it's not a nightmare to style tomorrow." You shrug.
"No wonder you dedicate an entire day to hair related activities." Marc snorts. You're a little surprised to notice he's mimicking what you'd been doing to dry your hair. You know he pays attention to detail when it comes to you but he picked it up rather quickly, even for him.
"I can't help but wonder how long you thought all this stuff that I do takes." You muse.
"I've never thought about it really? Steven says 'not nearly as long as it does take' and Jake has never given it much thought either."
"Right well, as they say, you learn something new everyday I guess." You shrug.
"Is twisting it hard?"
"Not at all actually. It's easier than some of my protective styles that I keep in for extended periods of time."
"So- we could learn to do it, theoretically? If we wanted to help or something."
"You- could. Theoretically. Are you offering to help?" You ask with a small laugh.
"Maybe. Just wondering if it's even possible for us to help you."
"Of course it is. If any of you want to. But that'll be after we eat anyway." You shrug.
"Well- if we can, maybe we will."
"That would be very sweet of you." You muse. He mutters an affirmative as if he's reluctant to admit he wants to help. They're all so bad with words it's both hilarious and adorable.
"Your hair is- really nice. Very soft." He says dropping the t-shirt on the arm of the couch next to him.
"Thank you." You say. You run your fingers through your hair. It's not fully dry but you're sure the shirt is too wet to really take anymore moisture out of it so this will do for now. It'll probably be better by the time you eat and set out to teach your clueless boyfriends how to style your hair. You're as happy to include them in things as they are happy to be included- even if they don't outright say how much it means to them.
***
#marvel#marvel fanfiction#marc spector#jake lockley#steven grant#steven grant x reader#marc spector x reader#jake lockley x reader#moonknight fanfiction#moonknight x reader#moonknight#moonknight x black!reader#steven grant x black reader#jake lockley x black reader#marc spector x black reader#marc spector fanfiction#steven grant fanfiction#jake lockley fanfiction#moonknight fluff#steven grant fluff#jake lockley fluff#marc spector fluff
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Oh my god oh my god oH MY GOD
I was going to wait for the opportunity to rewatch Barbie so I could make sure my opinion was solidly based and not just vibes, but with all the nominations talk right now I am losing my god damn mind.
Barbie is a shit movie.
I've said before that I was extremely excited about the movie and genuinely enjoyed every single second of it but was absolutely completely and irrevocably disappointed with it. It was a bad movie for so many reasons, and I'm gonna start talking about it (despite it not being as fresh in my mind, unfortunately).
Barbie is an incoherent mess that has no idea what it actually wants to be;
50% of the movie is Barbie having an existential crisis, that turns into a quest, that turns into low self esteem issues, that turns into anti-capitalist and anti-establishment shenanigans, that turns into parental issues, that turn into feminist issues about societal expectations of womanhood, that turns into civil rights issues, that turns into absolutely nothing because not a single one of these issues is actually addressed in any sort of meaningful way, depends on handwaving solutions, if it bothers to give solutions at all, and is just a product low shelf bullshit feminism.
And then the other 50% of the movie is a meticulously crafted satirical metaphor for the treatment of women under the patriarchy, with intense emotional gravitas, unbelievably incredible acting, and a(n almost) perfect and complete narrative arc for the characters and the main conflict.
And yet, watching this shit show I am contantly asked by the narrative to take the first half of it seriously, but not the other half.
That's not how a movie works.
You cant make half a satire and half a hartfelt exploration of womanhood in post-modern society. It doesn't work like that. And the very simple fact is that only one of those narratives was actually well crafted and coherent, and it wasn't Barbie's. Don't even get me fucking started on that bullshit America Ferrera speach. I hate it. I hate so much. I was actively enraged while watching it. It was bullshit crowd pleasing half baked ramblings that literally had nothing to do with the godamn movie!!! The whole point, the whole Barbie storyline was about America's relationship with her daughter!!! What the fuck was that speach even about???!?!? At no point in the movie was the things she talked about an issue!!! I hate it. I hate. And I hate anyone who likes it. It's bad writing. It's bad storytelling. It's bad bad BADDD!!! The movie wanted it so much to be the emotional pinnacle, but it wasn't - I'm Kenough was. It's just so bad in so many ways that I can't even fully express here yet.
Look. There was a lot of potential in this movie, and so much love went into crafting it. But the bottom line is that this is a bad movie, created by a conglomerate for the sole purpose of selling products, while trying to be cool with kids and self critical without actually being critical (I can't even begin to form coherent thoughts on the mess that was in-movie Matel, so I just won't). This made the honest part of the movie a fucking mess, while leaving the metaphor close to a masterpiece, and yet I am expected to think otherwise for some reason unbeknownst to me.
This is a bad movie. Barbie is a bad character. Neither Greta Gerwig nor Margo Robbie deserve a nomination for this, no matter how talented they are, and they are.
Ryan Gosling is literally the only good thing about this movie. This was one of the greatest performances I have ever seen in my life. Award shows are absolutely pointless and stupid, but his is a worthy nomination nonetheless.
I really am sorry if you loved this movie. This is absolutely not about you. Like I said, I truly enjoyed watching it. I just don't think it has any merit beyond the Ken storyline.
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Hi, so, I agree that we're unlikely to get even a token reference to Hanukkah or Magen David pendant in the movie. I assume that if they'd kept any references to Nora being Jewish in the movie, the powers-that-be would've publicized it to deflect criticism about casting a non-Jewish actress. Since that didn't happen, my guess is that Jews just Won't Exist in the RWRB movie 'verse.
But I was curious about something in one of your recent posts about how, in order for the for the film to convey Nora's Jewishness despite Rachel not being Jewish, it would have to rely on stereotypes like Hanukkah or a necklace, etc. (I don't have your post right in front of me, so my paraphrasing might be slightly off.) My question, I guess, is how that differs from the book. Admittedly, it's been a few years since I've read it, but to the best of my recollection, Nora's Jewish identity relies largely on stereotypes, such as her very stereotypical Ashkenazi appearance, a necklace at the NYE party (I think), and the Hanukkah reference. I think that's it. Which was enough for me when I read the book--just the existence of a queer Jew on the page was so validating for me as a queer Jew--but, at the same time... If the movie *were* to rely on the same token references to Nora's identity--which, as you pointed out, are kind of the very low bar/lowest common denominator cultural signs representing Jews in media--then does that really make Nora's identity in the book Great Representation?
I'm not terribly invested in the entire discourse of good vs. bad representation, but I'm just curious what you think about the difference between using those specific cultural signifiers in the book vs. the film, independent of the casting of a Jewish actress. Like, if the film had cast a Jewish actress--say Kat Graham, if we're looking for a Black Jewish actress relatively close to Taylor in age--and then only had her wear a necklace and make an offhanded reference to Hanukkah, would it still seem like they were relying on stereotypes to convey her Jewishness? Is it relevant here that with the other minority characters, most viewers can readily identify that the casting is book!canon-compliant, while they probably wouldn't automatically read a Black actress as Jewish without very basic cues?
(On a different topic, I just wanted to point out that Greg Berlanti has done this before. I'm not sure how much creative control he had in RWRB production, but he directed and was deeply involved with creative decisions for Love, Simon. Not sure if you've read the book/seen the film, but in the book, Simon's friend Nick is Jewish. In the film, they cast Jorge Lendeborg Jr., a Dominican actor who isn't Jewish to the best of my knowledge. The film then very clearly erased the character's Jewishness by having him make a joke to Simon about the time they got tipsy on Manischewitz at their other friend Leah's... I think it was a Seder. Anyway, Leah is *not* Jewish in the books, which the Jewish author of the series has confirmed, and actress Katherine Langford isn't Jewish to the best of my knowledge, but what does Katherine Langford have? Whiteness and wavy brown hair, the stereotypical physical markers of Ashkenazi identity! So. Anyway. Just wanted to point out that Berlanti/his production company have done this before: taking a canonically Jewish character, casting a non-Jewish actor of color while hoping no one would notice the erasure of that character's Jewishness, and in that particular case, just... faffing Jewishness on the character who ~looked more stereotypically Jewish, even though the actress wasn't, and hoping that would appease viewers, I guess. I don't know how other viewers felt about it, but I know that it really got under my skin at the time. And it felt like a slap in the face that they just assigned Nick's Jewish identity to another character. I almost would've preferred if they hadn't bothered making the other character Jewish because it didn't actually feel like real representation to me, just a throwaway line/joke, probably to avoid criticism, or maybe to appease the Jewish author. But, hey, Berlanti got a visually diverse cast, so why should he have spent the extra time finding a Jewish Latino actor for Nick??? /sarcasm. But, yeah, it's starting to feel like a pattern in media, and it just pisses me off so much because they could be casting non-white Jews! That would be really great to remind non-Jewish viewers that not all Jews are white! But instead... this.)
Anyway, sorry this is long and rambly and kind of rant-y, but I'm glad you're talking about this. I know you get a lot of hate, so I just wanted to say that I appreciate the attention you're calling to this. I often don't feel secure enough in my own Jewishness to critique antisemitism in media, so I really respect what you're doing here.
Hey Anon!!!!
You win the award for the longest ask I’ve ever had. It’s a good award, don’t worry, I love when people have a bunch of stuff to say.
I’m gonna try and answer this in parts by paragraph, but if I skip something just lmk.
1. Totally agree. They know that people, or at the very least, one person is very vocal about it and they’ve had so many opportunities to say something and haven’t. I’ve contacted them via social media and email, they’ve been silent in all the ways. While Casey has been very vocal about literally everything else, and the director (who blocked me when I called everything out and told him that Rachel was receiving antisemitic hate) is always posting RWRB stuff. So, they’re aware and vocal, just not caring.
2. My feelings on this, is that in the book, Nora is Jewish and any description of Hanukkah and her physical characteristics are there to show that she’s Jewish, because it’s a book. We can’t see it, there has to be some sort of description. Did Casey do the bare minimum and rely on stereotypes? Yes. Not harmful ones, per say, like I have dark curly hair and would go home for Hanukkah, but it’s clear the CMQ doesn’t know a lot about Jews in general (I have another post on that and about how Nora’s book rep is fine, but when looking at it from the movie lens, is a little stereotypical and can border on offensive by giving her the rich Jew trope). BUT, that said, Nora in the book, in my opinion, is solid Jewish rep because she was Jewish on every page without it being constantly brought up. I would say that given what we normally get, Nora was pretty good rep. And given what is known of CMQ’s background and present, and the lack of Jewish education, Nora was fine. Could there have been more or better or different stuff? Absolutely. But at least Nora was a person and not a caricature, you know?
3. If the actress was Black and Jewish and they had her wearing jewelry to signify it, it would fit the character more than throwing it on a non-Jewish actress and saying “look we made a Jew.” It becomes less of a stereotype and more of just a symbol. But even if they didn’t have any of the signifiers, just having a Jew onscreen would be representation enough. Would people instantly think she was Jewish if she didn’t “look Jewish?”Probably not. But she would be, and that’s what’s important. The same way that if a character (beyond RWRB) was any other minority, they wouldn’t have to parade around with a gay flag or a trans button or a T-shirt that says they’re Indigenous. Just the existence would be enough. And if they then relied on some of those signifiers, as long as they aren’t harmful or done purposely to make a drastic big deal, it wouldn’t be forced, it would be much more natural. But just relying on stereotypes is different than a little cue in. A Jewish character played by a Jewish actor wearing a Magen David… that’s power, that’s common, if handled right, it’s basic in a usual way. Is it a little stereotypical since not all Jews wear one? Sure, but it’s not a bad symbol. A Jewish character played by a non-Jew wearing one… that’s a stereotype, that’s using our most important and well-known symbol to make a Jewish character beyond anything else. History lesson for those who don’t know: During The Holocaust, Jews had to wear yellow stars on their clothes so people could instantly recognize them as Jews. So if a Jewish character (played by a Jew) is wearing one, fine, it fits, it could clue the audience in if they would have no other way of knowing but it’s not needed because their existence is enough. If a non-Jew is wearing one, it feels like you’re saying the star that was used to mark our death is the only way we can exist as alive in your production. Tell me if that was all a rambling mess!!!!!
4. No. I did not know that. I saw that movie, but never read the book, so I had no idea that he was supposed to be Jewish. Which is basically exactly what’s about to happen to Nora. Here’s a little thing I feel like people don’t know about good ol’ Greg…
He’s not Jewish. His partner isn’t Jewish. They’re raising their kids Jewish (his kids technically are Jewish via egg donor, but the raising in faith would make them Jewish regardless, I bring this up not for the kids themselves but for the fact that Greg is kinda… taking the parts of Jewish was he wants and leaving the rest.). He says he grew up in an area that was massively Jewish and Italian and said “I’m not sure that I knew if I was one or the other until I was 9 or 10.” What the actual fuck, Greg??! What?!! No. That’s not okay. He was raised Catholic and was an alter boy. He knew as a kid that he wasn’t Jewish religiously and he the way that he twists being Italian and Jewish together is just… wrong. He treats Jewishness like a toy, like a coat to put on and take off. He said he always felt enthralled and comfortable around the Jewish faith (that it was the faith he felt the most comfortable in beyond their (Catholic) faith) and that’s why he’s raising his kids in it, but he and his husband don’t want to convert, that’s fine you don’t have to, I guess that’s up to you. We’re a great religion and community, please raise your kids Jewish, if you’re serious about that. BUT the issue comes with the fact that he wants only the good parts of being Jewish, and won’t look at the bad parts— the hate, the antisemitism, all of that. We’re a toy for him. He says that since his son “thinks he’s Jewish” that it took pressure off of him actually being Jewish. His exact words are “At some point, I’m going to have to make that transition.” Being Jewish to him is a chore, something he’s reluctant to do, but he says he has to, like a child dragging their feet to do their chores. This is different from a convert who felt such a strong pull and wanted to be a part of the community and family. What Greg is doing is not that. He’s putting on a show. He’s letting people think he’s Jewish for clout, he likes that it gives him a Hollywood edge, a diverse credit, but he can still say that he isn’t Jewish when it comes down to it. They do Shabbat and keep traditions and that’s all fine, he said he went to Israel and it was profound, okay. But notice what he still refuses to call himself, what he literally laughs off being known as… A Jew. He doesn’t want to be Jewish, he just wants to reap the benefits. He’ll talk about his Jewish identity while saying that converting is something he’s going to be forced to do. He only talks about Jewish in terms of faith, and he purposely sought out a Jewish egg donor for his children which he said was “not an easy thing to find, by the way.” to keep things kosher in the eyes of religion. I wonder if since the faith was what brought him in and he seems really set upon the fact that Jewish = religious, if he doesn’t even think about the fact that Jews are more than that. He claims as a child he didn’t know if he was Jewish or Italian, while being actively raised not-Jewish, is that a man who has a grasp on the full extent of what it means to be a Jew? He’s definitely raising his kids in the most Jewish ways he’s knows, zero issues with any of that, but the way he talks about things and the way he acts just feels so much like he’ll take the cool parts of being Jewish without the rest. It feels almost like a fetish. He’ll take the benefits of being Jewish while also actively celebrating all the Christian holidays too (in his own home, not just with family), and all the while refusing to even take the idea of conversation seriously (as he says it’s “pressure” and a “transition” and something he’ll have to do someday.) He plays the role of the “Jewish” Hollywood executive to get ahead, but when it comes to standing up for Jews in his productions, he’ll erase them because he’s scared of the backlash that comes with putting Jewish characters into stuff. He wants the happy parts of being Jewish, the place that felt comfortable for him. I’m glad he feels comfortable and welcomed into Judaism, truly, but just wanting the happy parts and not facing the reality of what it means to be Jewish feels wrong.
He’s also a hypocrite. He received some hate mail after making a show with Jewish characters, with his exact words being “I chose to make the hero family of the Jewish faith— and we chose to dramatize it in a lot of ways.” and then asked how to be an advocate. Note: he claims that he experienced “antisemitism first hand” due to this hate mail. I think he experienced people being antisemitic and Jew-hate, and likely it was thrown in his direction. But… if you’re not Jewish and you’re openly non-Jewish, your experience of first hand antisemitism is going to be way different than a Jewish person’s. It’s not going to impact you the same way, it just can’t, you don’t have the lived experienced. *cough* I’ve nearly died many times *cough* He then said all this, before doing exactly what he said he would, reverting back to what he knows… Which is not having Jewish characters and using them basically as pawns.
Greg Berlanti is not an ally to Jewish characters. It’s genuinely really sad that his kids will grow up without that Jewish rep, all because of him. So far he’s done it twice, once for a boy, once for a girl— exactly like his kids.
I didn’t know any of this about Greg until this Anon pointed stuff out. But, oh boy, this is gonna be fun. Watch out, Greggy B. I’m gonna enjoy exposing you on your hypocrisy😘
Did I answer everything, Anon? Were things clear? My phone is on 5% so I’m typing super fast. Just tell me if I didn’t.
#rwrb movie#red white and royal blue#red white royal blue movie#rwrb cast#rwrb#red white and royal blue movie#nora holleran#casey mcquiston#red white royal blue cast#rachel hilson#Jewish#greg berlanti#love simon#talking with anon
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Hummingbird (by Metro Boomin and James Blake) kind of sounds like a Funalec song (delusional)
(basically me OVERANALYSING a song about gw/n and mil/es from spderverse and spinning it into a silly Funalec song)
(I'm also censoring the names and all because I don't want this post to appear under the movie's hashtags. This means I won't clutter them with this long ass essay)
[ACROSS/INTO THE SPDERVERSE SPOILERS]
for context, since this song was written for the movie: from what I understand, it's about gwn's and mles' relationship; it also gets very literal bc this song is played when gwn opens the portal to mles' universe.
"In here, paper walls are
Pushin' back on you like
Eventually you push through
The moment that you realise"
So to briefly summarise the song, it's about wanting to feel connected to this girl whom the singer feels comforted by; "love is unconditional''. The singer feels full of life with them, and it goes on. From what I see it's about mles wanting to see people who understand him as much as his friends do. They're all spider-people, and they all long to be understood. It's a normal human thing to do.
But if we spin it Funalec style, I think it could work especially if we take this song from Alec's standpoint. We actually don't get a lot of Alec content in the canon but mc's fanfic did succhhhh a good job at developing his character; I talked about that in one of my posts (can't be bothered rn), but to summarise it: Alec, like Yumi, never got the love he deserved as a child and thus has to work through life without any of it. He doesn't get the purpose of love and decides that it isn't for him. It didn't work with his family, his friend, his first gf (winking at Emcee)… So why would it work, suddenly? Incoming Funneh banging at his door. Let's get to the actual song:
The song starts with a filtered version extract of the song "Tonight You Belong To Me" by Patience & Prudence. I headcanon Yumi to LOVE romantic songs from the 60s so this 100% works. I can imagine Yumi playing this silly song (/lh) all the time and Alec gets sick of it. Every time he hears it, the track reminds him of Yumi freaking out and getting angry over some random girl at 3AM. In Hummingbird the sample fades away, like it's flying over Alec's head. The sample could symbolize Yumi to him, which just means that he's slowly prioritizing what he wants (being with Funneh and his friends).
"Hummingbird, summer song"
Throughout the song, the singer calls this person a hummingbird, and relates this track to summer. I always found Funneh x Alec to have summer vibes since you kind of relate this season with happiness? It's also the period in which the sun is the most active; so nature gets a lot of energy from it to support life etc !! Also, hummingbirds symbolize (from what I've seen on the internet) in indigenous cultures a messenger of joy. So you could say that Funneh is Alec's hummingbird (?). And maybe Funneh represents summer to him?
"Has it brought my life back?
Hangin' in the balance
Have you brought the light back?"
Before Alec found his friends (Funneh, Kyran and Gold), his life consisted of getting a quick buck from our GENEROUS murderous neighbour Yumi, taking care of his sister and trying to stay afloat. But when he met them, they balanced out the good things and the bad things in his life ("Hangin' in the balance"). It made him actually enjoy things in life; wanting things, needing things, enjoying things... ("Have you brought the light back?")
"Pen pal on a night shift
She's who I get away with
Realising she might
Be all I need in this life"
You could say that... Funneh is his pen pal ig? THROUGH... TEXT? They don't meet very often in canon but they still hit it off every time.
"When I saw a cold snap
I wasn't with the season
Tag was on the ankle"
"When I saw a cold snap" Being without his friend just feels extremely cold and devoid of life (especially with Yumi). He isn't with the season (summer in this case) because he always has to get away from Funneh and his friends.
Also, to bring back the idea that he's prioritizing his needs over being Yumi's henchman, the cold snap could symbolize he needs to remind himself that he is still tied to Yumi.
"Tag was on the ankle"; Well this could mean 2 things.
1. an ankle tag is "an electronic device that is fastened around the ankle of a person who has committed a crime, so that the police know where that person is". This line could mean that he already know what his fate is.
The previous verse could also add another layer; his friends are truly the only place where he gets to be happy, because he knows that he already threw away his life and his future.
2. The tag on the ankle could just be a leash because he's deeply tied with Yumi. It also kind of fits bc the 2 previous lines are (imo) about his situation with Yumi and his life.
"And hummingbird
I know that's our time (That's our time)"
"I know that's our time" It sounds like he's about to leave? Like they're having a nice moment but he can't stay for too long. Flashback to the moments this mf had to leave his friends bc of Yumi (AKA THE OCEAN METAL CONCERT).
"But stay on
Stay on, stay on with me
And hummingbird
I can never unsee
What you've shown me
Stay on, stay on with me"
More pining. He wants Funneh to hold on to him, because he needs her in his life and she showed him so many things; what love means, what life has to offer, having wants, having needs...
Also, the chorus starts at "and humming bird..." to "stay on with me.". It is sung multiple times in the track; he loves her, but he can't stay for long. And this cycle happens SO many times.
"The moment when you realise
There's someone there that needs you
Lap band on the feelings
I tax them for no reason"
Imma be honest. I don't know what's up with the lap band and THE "taxing them" but I'm going to speculate anyway. A lap band is an inflatable silicone device placed around an area of the stomach to treat obesity by slowing down the consumption of food and thus the amount of food consumed. So if you're putting them on "feelings", it's to filter said emotions to slow down said sensations; which means you basically have a hard time processing your feelings to the point that you need a metaphorical device to nullify it? And then there's this line "The moment when you realise / There's someone there that needs you" with "I tax [the aforementioned feelings] for no reason". Alec is taxing these emotions; so he's feeling heavily burdened by these feelings to the point that he's demanding some kind of compensation. He is scared that Funneh (and his friends) need him. He is now important to them. He can't back down anymore; he can't leave, because it'll hurt them. ("The moment when you realise / There's someone there that needs you")
"I added love 'cause love is unconditional
I count on love, I count on love
'Cause love is unconditional within reason"
This line contradicts my ideas for the previous verse but whatever. I guess you could say he both finds these feelings burdening but he also cherishes it and finds it important. AND LAST THING!! Alec didn't get love, but now he does; he knows that love is unconditional within reason thanks to Funneh (and his friends but this is abt her). He counts on love, it sounds corny but it's truly what drives him to keep going in his life!
"Would I sign up again?
Would I sign up again?"
You could interpret these lines as Alec hesitating on whether or not he should continue hanging out with his friends again, since well... He can't back down anymore, since it'll hurt him and Funneh, Gold and Kyran as well. Also I love how the beat here sounds like irregular heart beats OR slowed-down flying hummingbird sounds (a fluttering heart and a bird fluttering their wings).
"And the night was so strong
Forget the time like life is long
Wings beating a thousand strong"
The last two lines really shows that time is very relative. Time feels fast when you're with loved ones, but in the moment, it feels slow. It's the juxtaposition of wanting to stay with someone forever and the wing flapping of a bird LMAO (hummingbirds flutter their wings 80 times per second).
"Would I sign up again?
Would I sign up again?
And the night was so strong
Forget the time like life is long
Wings beating a thousand strong"
So the singer (Alec... in this case?) sings this verse twice, like he is contemplating on his choices as he's spending time with his friends. For the 2nd time though, he sings this:
"Unconditional within reason"
This line calls back to the fact that he deems love to be unconditional. So this could mean that based on his choices, he decides to stay with her. With his friends. IG THIS IS THE GOOD ENDING LMAO IDK IF WE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THAT IF YHS WAS STILL RUNNING BUT YK....
Anyways, this is all I have to say. Someone should teach me how to analyse an art piece without sounding like I've had a stroke writing it.
Overall, this song really captured Alec's character in my opinion; From being dragged by Yumi since age 12 or so, learning what love is and tip-toeing between running away from the things he loves and staying with his friends.
#itsfunneh yandere high school#itsfunneh yhs#rambling#it's been a while#yandere high school#falec#itsfunneh falec#funalec#itsfunnehyhs#a really#really really messy essay#I feel stupid AHAHH
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Hi again! Weird question, but if you could rewrite HTTYD: THW, what would you change?
Ohhh that's a really good question. This answer might get a little long, sorry about that <3
There was a lot that bugged me with this movie. To keep this a little simpler, I'm not going to include the characters from the shows because they seem to be trying to keep those separate so that people who only watch the movies don't feel lost, but you can imagine that all of the characters from the shows (particularly characters like Heather and Dagur would be featured prominently)
Things I would do differently;
Maybe mention something offhand to explain away the lack of support from the outcasts, berserkers, defenders of the wing and wing maidens in the event that they aren't included
Hiccup wouldn't have let the village get that overcrowded. Seeing as we see him relocating dragons to different islands all the time across the course of rob, dob, and rtte, I don't think that he would have let it get this bad.
Astrid and the rest of the gang would have more of an active role in the plot. Astrid was really reduced to being Hiccup's inspiration and very little more than that this movie which bothered me. In the last two movies, though admittedly trivial, Astrid and the other riders have had something to do in the plot. (Specifically in the 2nd movie, getting caught by Drago, turning Eret to their side etc.)
Maybe they're trying to take out some of the other leaders that are working alongside Grimmel to weaken him
Snotlout would be totally different. He would retain the maturity that he had gained through the course of rtte. They don't even have to cut him having a stupid romantic subplot in this movie just keep the Ruffnut thing going and scrap the Valka/Eret love triangle thing completely.
Ruffnut wouldn't be that stupid, she would have led Grimmel somewhere else, or have known Grimmel would have been following her and sent him on a wild goose chase or something. We see her being much smarter in rtte, and even without the rtte thing I refuse to believe that after everything they've been through she's still that dumb.
I wouldn't have reduced every character down to one joke. Fishlegs' character is about more than the stupid baby, Snotlout isn't obsessed with Valka, Tuff isn't obsessed with his beard and Hicstrid's relationship etc. We've seen these characters be funny in several situations in rtte. They have the chemistry to make funnier, more diverse jokes
Instead of making the conflict that Hiccup and the gang just straight up don't know how to work together (because we've seen in both the movies and the shows that by now, they absolutely know how to work together) I would make it them trying to balance their new positions in the tribe and how they were struggling to work together in the light of the fact that they are newly all at the head of the tribe, and this a new kind of responsibility
Maybe they're all overwhelmed enough that they aren't focused so much on working as a team but on convincing Hiccup that their ideas are the right way to tackle the Grimmel situation altogether, which causes more problems in the long run until they reach the end and start doing their jobs and working together like the well-oiled machine they are
I feel like that would make the 'you guys are the best i've got' line more impactful. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that part, but that is heavily influenced by the fact that I actually like the characters and have seen them actually being friends and being competent in the shows. (and lets be honest, what movie only fans actually like the gang? The movies didn't make them feel like a group of friends or competent characters without the context of the show imo)
But seeing them competent and struggling to work together before finally coming together might make that line hit harder
Toothless would not be so willing to leave Hiccup (his best friend for SIX YEARS) for a female dragon he met six minutes ago
He would want to go to her, he might even go with her to the hidden world after Hiccup gives him the ability to fly on his own, but he would want to return.
the light fury would look cooler
Maybe Grimmel would follow Toothless to the Hidden World and start attacking it. Maybe he captures the light fury. Toothless, panicked comes back, and Hiccup and the gang have to take the fight to Grimmel at the Hidden World. Grimmel dies, but they realize that people will always find the dragons no matter what they do and that they're stronger together
For that to work ^^^ then maybe we have Hiccup beginning to think that they brought this on the dragons and maybe the right thing to do before the final fight at the Hidden World.
You know how we had a fake-out happy ending where it looked like maybe Toothless and the light fury would be able to stay before Grimmel comes? It's like that, but we think Hiccup might be preparing to say goodbye to Toothless
This is really scattered and messy, and I don't know how clear any of this is, but that's what came to mind. I really hope that answers your question! If anyone has anything to add or to say about my critiques I'd love to hear it.
Thank you so much for all of your asks, every time I get one it legitimately makes my day it's just so exciting. Thank you so much <3333
#ask#thank you <3#how to train your dragon the hidden world#how to train your dragon thw#how to train your dragon 3#httyd the hidden world#httyd thw#httyd 3#how to train your dragon#httyd#httyd 3 salt#httyd thw salt#httyd salt#httyd 3 rewrite#hiccup#astrid#snotlout#fishlegs#ruffnut#tuffnut#toothless#hiccup & toothless#httyd gang#rtte gang#rosie's httyd brainrot
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I've just watched My Last Day and it got me thinking...
When it comes to movies about Passion of the Christ, I've seen some that look at crucifiction and subsequent resurrection from points of different people in the New Testament.
I remember one straight-to-DVD movie that was from Doubting Thomas's perspective, where Apostle Thomas was looking for the body of Jesus in various places. In the Scripture he was the one that said he won't believe in resurection until he will see Christ alive and he will put his finger in Christ's wounds. Now, in this movie Thomas was presented as a grieving man, who believed that someone stole the body of his beloved Master, so he was desperately looking for Him, and when in the end he comes back to the rest of Apostles, he finally see Jesus alive and well. In this very moment Thomas is happy, shocked, but also ashamed, because he spent whole this time looking for the dead body of his Master.
(Actually, I would like to find this movie. I quite liked it.)
There was also an older movie (from 1961) about Barabbas. We see how Barabbas is pardoned instead of Christ, how he witnesses the crucifiction and the supernatural events that come with it, and how he later lives his life. At some point he gets captured and even meets a Christian man, who doesn't like him (to put it mildly) once he learns who Barabbas really is. Over time Barabbas learns from this man about Christ and even tries to follow His teachings, but finds it hard. I remember that one element of this movie bothered me - the fact that they used cross as the symbol of Christianity, while it should have been a fish... but I guess it worked more for the overall theme of Barabbas living with the knowledge that a Good Man died instead of him, a mere bandit.
Fairly recently (about four years ago, I think) I was able to watch Risen, which is about Roman soldier Clavius who is tasked by Pontius Pilate to find what happened to Jesus's body. So for the most part of the movie Clavius is investigating Jesus's disciples (including Mary Magdalene) and how Christ was perceived by various people - both believers and skeptics. From Clavius's perspective everything supernatural that was happening, has a rational explenation, but seeing how Jesus affected others, makes the soldier curious. And really, the best scene in this whole movie is when Clavius finally meets Jesus and realizes who stands before him.
Finally, My Last Day is from the perspective of one of two thieves that were crucified alongside with Jesus - the one that shows up in Gospel of Luke, admits that Jesus didn't do anything wrong and asks Him to speak for him to the Father so Jesus says: "You will be with Me in Heaven today." In this movie we are treated to the two very contrasting flashbacks - one with Jesus speaking about taxes (which showcases that Christ didn't do anything bad, He only spoke of things some people didn't like), and one of the thief's crime where he actually killed the man he wanted to rob. The thief knows he's guilty and he knows he's going to die, but Jesus seems to receive harsher punishment, since He's flogged before taking the cross. While others are mocking Jesus in His moment of agony and death, the thief speaks for Him: "We are rightfully receiving punishment, but He is innocent." And we see later that the thief gets to Heaven for his faith and willingness of redemption.
Frankly, these are all very interesting takes on one event.
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We know canonically that Leon likes older movies and he's definitely the type to enjoy lying in bed/lounging on the sofa to watch movies in his spare time, extrovert or not (*actually... I suddenly have a headcanon).
But what do YOU think he likes to watch? I feel like he avoids horror, binges vintage dramas and has a secret guilty pleasure for rom-coms. The shitty ones, especially. He's a lonely guy, he gets a kick from 2000's Loser Guy Gets The Hot Girl Because She's Different And He's Funny And We Don't Understand Women genre of film.
*The headcanon, because he's for sure to have pretty steep trust issues, is that a sure fire way that Leon shows "I feel close to you and want to share myself" is to spend his time off watching TV with someone. Sharing his favourite films, enjoying/roasting new ones. Sharing a drink and some popcorn. This is all stupid, cringey fluff. But... it's not too farfetched, I don't think. Watching a film on Leons couch is a special privilege reserved for close friends/legitimate romantic partners.
Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait WAIT
WAIT
What do you mean, "he canonically likes older movies"?!?!? Why, because he quotes Pulp Fiction in RE4make?????
Pulp Fiction came out in 1994, what do you mean "old movies"?????
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Leon was about to graduate high school in 1994. It's 10 years prior to the events of RE4.
/kicks things around petulantly
I'm bouta go full Mr Krabs in the panty raid episode all up in here.
But I've mentioned before that I headcanon him as a huge film buff who worked on student films in college and really enjoyed video editing. He probably would've pursued it professionally if he hadn't had a greater interest in law enforcement.
And as a result of that, he's probably that guy who can give you a list of recommendations for damn near any genre. Even romances. Especially romances, in some cases.
I really do see him as a huge movie nerd, and I like to think he's one of those bougie bachelor guys who has an entire room of his house dedicated to this. Just floor to ceiling shelves with shit across a bunch of different formats. He's not a merch guy. He's an actual movie collector.
It's an easy hobby for him to keep up with despite the chaos that is his life. Movies are quick to consume and easy to collect but can also give him bragging rights if he stumbles on something super rare, since he has more than enough money to blow on shit.
Like. I make the joke that Leon watches Casino at least three times a week, but the reality is that I think he's the kind of guy to be happy to have most anything on in the background while he's doing other shit. Like, there was that stretch of 3 years where, no matter what time of day you looked, My Cousin Vinny was on TV on some channel -- Leon's the guy who doesn't mind it always being on repeat, because a good movie is a good movie.
I also don't think most horror bothers him. It might not be the first thing he reaches for, because the horror genre in general is usually one of two things. It's either "an artist using horror as a backdrop to explore some facet of the human existence" or "I'm about to make the most ridiculous shit possible and it's going to be funny."
There are, of course, bad horror movies that take themselves way too seriously and aren't so bad they're good, they're just so bad that they're bad. But those are indictments of those specific titles, not the genre itself.
Like, you cannot look me in the face and tell me that Leon hasn't seen most things from Friday the 13th to Ju-On to Sharknado. I refuse to believe that.
But I agree with you that actually getting let into Leon's Vault is probably a huge deal, and for him to seriously sit down and watch a movie with someone is very intimate for him -- because it is one of the few things that he's been able to carry into his adult life that's really his and has always been his. It's the only part of himself he's been able to hold onto, so he's probably terrified of exposing it to/sharing it with anyone else.
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You know what, though, about that last post on Sontag and Paglia: since writing it, I've had what they call a download.
There's an expression: "be careful what you get good at." When I was a kid, back in the monoculture, we all went to see the now-forgotten Oscar-bait Richard Dreyfuss vehicle, Mr. Holland's Opus, about an ambitious composer who takes a high-school teaching job, never writes his masterpiece, and discovers in age that his life-long pedagogy and its inspiring effect on his students has been his real chef-d'œuvre. In middle school, my friend Dan and I, who had begun to collaborate on our own comic books, were horrified by this movie. We were ambitious artists! Is this what adulthood would do to us?
The movie's tagline, borrowed from John Lennon, evocative of its resigned melancholy to the missed opportunities and failed utopias of the 1960s, is, "Life is what happens to you / While you're busy making other plans." But my life's not that different now. Sam Worthington and I were plotting outside the local riverfront arthouse theater last night—there was a Lynch revival; I was there to see Mulholland Dr. for the first time in a theater since, well, the first time, just a month after 9/11, though the film's elegy for America wasn't as evident then as it is now—to start a new art movement and save the culture, wildfire smoke from Canada smothering the city (unreal city) on the other side of the Mississippi.
(All of the above is why I placed a little allusion to the film—Mr. Holland's Opus, alas, not Mulholland Dr.—in my novel-in-progress Major Arcana, by the way. Please don't run out and see this weepy old movie on my account—I myself haven't seen it in over 25 years—but if you've already watched it, you might revisit MA, Part One, Chapter 8.)
Now teaching has been fine for me, actually. I can see why other artists and writers find that it misleads them, takes them away from their real work, but it doesn't affect me that way, first, because it keeps me close to the arts of reading and interpretation as practical and performed arts, and second, because it introduces me to some 50 to 100 new people a year. Both of these, I believe, can only improve me as a writer, and my fictional characters' bitter remarks about their own students, especially when these characters are frustrated artists like Simon Magnus or Alice Nicchio-Strand, should never be mistaken for my views.
Criticism, though, is my "be careful what you get good at." A comparative book-length belletristic essay on Sontag and Paglia—it's a good idea, let's face it, one of those good ideas whose obviousness makes it better than something more flashily counterintuitive would be. Why on earth hasn't this been written yet? And look, I'll write it if somebody pays me; I'm not proud. But Anna K needs to write a book before she dies, as I believe Dasha was just telling her, so let her write it. Because I don't really want to do it. I was on a podcast recently—it hasn't come out yet; I'll let you know; not Red Scare—and the host asked me if I wanted to write a nonfiction book, and I said, truthfully, no, not really.
Sontag herself offers a cautionary tale here: the supreme critic as frustrated artist, berating everyone at the end of her days that they shouldn't bother with her essays, that her novels are all that really matter. I myself have never read even one of her novels. (Mea culpa, maestra—I will read at least The Volcano Lover this very summer.) And I understand this because I myself on bad days want to make people sign an affidavit that they've read each of my novels twice before they're allowed to read my criticism! And my criticism, such as it is, I want to say, is just a series of poems, not judgments as such, not pronouncements but moods, occasions for certain styles of thought. "You took my sadness out of context," I want to say when people treat my negative verdicts too seriously, as if I wanted to outlaw this or that way of writing. This is insane on my part, I know, and don't worry, I'm much nicer in real life than Sontag was.
Paglia, on the other hand, holds an ideal of scholarship qua scholarship that neither Sontag or I quite did or do. Paglia's father was a professor, remember, while Sontag and I hail from the true suburban lower middle class, "Lower Slobbovia" as she called it, quoting a comic strip: the kingdom of bêtise. We, Susan and I, are more lowbrow by origin than Camille, which is why we're so much more uneasy than she is with popular culture, but also equally uneasy in academe. Sontag wasn't, as Sigrid Nunez once clarified, a snob—how could she have been?—only an elitist, which, in art, is fair.
(I dedicate that observation to anyone who wants to say I shouldn't write about two lesbians; there are infinite microscopic ridges and hollows to every smooth-seeming facet of "identity," whatever that even is, and as much as I might miss something about their gender or sexuality—and then again, you know, I might not; I was raised in a lesbian-run beauty shop—a lesbian writer to the manner born is equally liable to miss something about their class, ethnicity, or religion. Nobody can say everything, but everybody has some part of everything to say.)
Anyway, my download was this. I've been saying to myself that 2023 is the year I relax my critical clench, unlearn my Arnoldianism, so to speak, as Sontag never quite unlearned hers; and I've been saying to myself, too, that when Major Arcana is finished—which it almost is for me if not for you; it's 50 chapters long, so you'll be reading it until next March—I would write a play. I've wanted to write a play in the abstract, on principle, as it were: I had no ideas for a play. Now I do.
(I should stop looking, ever, at Twitter, but today they're talking about what a bad play Hamlet is—not even a pseudo-political moral objection this time, though the prince is toxic, I'm sure, just about what a "mess" it is. My goal, then, is to write a play as bad as Hamlet.)
Anna K can write the prose treatise on Sontag and Paglia, but I'm writing their tragicomedy, under new names, of course: in the guise, in fact, of wholly new characters, characters in a dream, a dream of siege and sickness and spectacle, a Platonic dialogue on love in which these intellectuals' daemons—Walter Benjamin and Walter Pater, Simone Weil and Emily Dickinson—dance and duel. I call it Saturn Dreaming of Mars. I destine its completion for the end of the year. I plant my flag; I stake my claim; you heard it here first.
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"I just find it interesting that everyone who is always concerned by Tom doing other roles never seem to watch all the other projects he’s done before and since he’s been Spider-Man."
How would this anon know this? I've seen everything he's done except Chaos Walking. Am I allowed to comment now? He's the one hemming and hawing over his career in interviews, tearing up over TCR reviews, turning down good parts, and disavowing a whole movie. Did it seem like he was content before he took his break?
Look. He's a grown man with a team to help him manage his career. We obviously have no say in anything. But he has repeatedly chosen to be in not just in the spotlight but be front and center in controversial projects. If we were speculating and chatting positively (and we do when it's The Impossible, The Lost City of Z, his good work in bad projects, or the possibility of him doing XYZ) it's no problem. But if we say anything outside of that it's "just wait and see". Perhaps someone should write rules on what we're allowed to talk about since it's not clear.
"If people *jokingly* being greedy about Tomdaya content bothers anon, they are really on the wrong part of tumblr."
Jokingly is generous. Tomdaya is a hyperfixation for some people. If you scroll through some of these pages, it's first thing in the morning through midnight. And that's fine. But at this point, that part of social media is the only place to keep track of Tom's stuff. Everywhere else is AI images or people angry about him. If someone has a tumblr rec for Tom fans who aren't nasty toward Z and don't post fake AI images of him *and* have actual info on his career, please share with the class.
How would this anon know this?
Anon and I know this because fans make comments such as: "I just want Tom to work with good directors......and do interesting projects.....", when he already has.... 🥴 PLENTY of times!
I've seen everything he's done except Chaos Walking. Am I allowed to comment now?
Good for you! That's more than most fans.
He's the one hemming and hawing over his career in interviews, tearing up over TCR reviews, turning down good parts, and disavowing a whole movie.
What are you considering hemming and hawing over his career in interviews?? 🥴
And what's wrong with him being appreciative of the positive feedback that he received for TCR? Tom has already said that this series was a very difficult one to make, and it also took a toll on him emotionally. If people are appreciating the series, especially ones who have been victims of abuse (especially the kind that is depicted in this piece of work), then I don't see the problem? 🤷🏾♀️
And what "good parts" did Tom turn down that were NOT turned down due to his previous other filming obligations? NAME ONE! 🤨
You all are just complaining about a bunch of nothing at this point. 🙄
I think some of you all need to admit that you have allowed Film Twitter to get into your heads and dictate what you think and feel about Tom and his films/career.
But he has repeatedly chosen to be in not just in the spotlight but be front and center in controversial projects.
What's wrong with being in "controversial projects"? Don't you think "Saltburn" is controversial? Don't you think "The Whale", "Call Me By Your Name", and "Everything, Everywhere, All At Once" were controversial?
Like, what's the problem? 🥴 If an actor wants to take on a challenging role that's not your usual "cookie-cutter" SAFE role by a filmmaker who loves to take risks, what's wrong with that exactly?
Jokingly is generous. Tomdaya is a hyperfixation for some people. If you scroll through some of these pages, it's first thing in the morning through midnight. And that's fine. But at this point, that part of social media is the only place to keep track of Tom's stuff. Everywhere else is AI images or people angry about him.
I think this is the only part that I can fully agree with. I've already expressed on my blog before that it's kind of sad that it seems like there are very FEW (if any) blogs that are just strictly dedicated to TOM ALONE, and not ones that are mainly about his relationship, or just MCU/Marvel/Spider-Man. 🥴
I've picked up on that too Anon, so you're not the only one. I see tons of Zendaya (only) blogs, and blogs of other actors that are JUST about that actor, and NOT about shipping him with his gf, etc.
Thankfully, I love Tom and Zendaya together, and I like their relationship🥰, so I don't mind seeing their love, following Tomdaya blogs, or seeing posts about them. I love it! 😁
At the same time however, I've already mentioned to you all that I don't usually "Ship" celebrity couples. Tomdaya has always been an exception to me. Usually, I'll just think a celebrity couple is "cute" or whatever, and I'll just go about my day lol. 😅 That's typically been the extent of my "shipping" lol.
Tomdaya is SPECIAL in that they are the first (AND more than likely the LAST) celebrity couple that I will ever "ship" like that lol.
At this current time, I personally feel like Tomdaya is good and solid in their relationship that they've been in w/each other for years now, and we've discussed so many past aspects of their relationship/their breakup/their reunion, etc. over and over again over the past 3 years, so continuing to focus sooo much attention on their relationship is getting to be a bit redundant atp.
I think that until a wedding or engagement announcement officially comes out lol, I feel like I would love to focus a little more on their work, their future projects, and anything new/exciting that is coming out for them! 🥰 Stuff like that excites me too! I like Tom and Zendaya as actors, NOT just because they're in a relationship w/each other.
If someone has a tumblr rec for Tom fans who aren't nasty toward Z and don't post fake AI images of him *and* have actual info on his career, please share with the class.
Me sitting right here with a blog...... 🥴😔
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RG filmography movie suggestions 6/18
The Ides of March post-viewing commentary (recommended 2 times)
"Because that's what this comes down to, integrity. Who we are. Because how we project ourselves to the world matters. Dignity matters. Integrity matters. Our future depends on it."
I'll be honest, I knew very little about this movie, save for it had a really cool poster and it was about politics. And I honestly dreaded this one at first because I hate politics.
I mean I. Hate. Politics.
Don't get me wrong, I do my research and exercise my right and responsibility when it's time to hit the polls, but ugh. Outside of that time, politics do not exist in my world. Hence why I dreaded this one.
However...oh boy. Wow.
Sex, scandal, lies, and the decomposition of life and integrity for the sake of saving face and winning. For the sake of a career not going down the drain prematurely. Suspense and some really solid acting here. I was pleasantly surprised.
George Clooney directed, produced, and co-wrote the screenplay for this movie, and let's be real. There isn't anything I've seen George Clooney put his touch to that's been bad, and this fit into the mold. Throw a talent like Ryan in as your leading guy, and wow, you've got something.
And this was something.
Honestly, the ending really hit me the hardest.
Throughout the movie, I sympathized with Stephen Meyers (RG’s character) because while he did sign up to go into politics, he didn’t necessarily sign up for everything he ran into in all of this. But the ending was when I actually started to mourn for Stephen and how this whole thing played out.
Experiencing certain aspects of your worldview crumble before your very eyes and having to choose one bad choice over another bad choice just to keep your head above water sucks. And while on the outside it seems like he's ahead of the game at the end, when he hears someone he once admired speak so boldly about integrity after he and Stephen both pulled some unethical strings to stay ahead, you can see on Stephen's face how much he's lost.
While he’s contemplating all of this, how much he's actually lost, he's asked a question.
And we're left wondering what he said.
We know the story. We know what was planned to be said. But that sad look on his face just makes me wonder. I'm an optimist, and I'd know what I'd like to think. But I'm also a realist, and I heavily suspect I'd be wrong.
When you play politics, your hands get dirty and if you come clean, you have to pay for the washing.
Overall, this was a good movie. I was more engaged than I expected. It has a lot of great names in it too, and I thought this was written pretty well. Ryan, of course, knocked it out of the park. I was impressed.
I'll never watch this one again lol just because it's not my cup of tea. But if political drama is your thing, then go for it.
It's rated R for a reason, so if there are things that trigger you, I'd definitely recommend googling what topics it deals with because there's some tough stuff that could bother someone. Nothing gory or showing detail, but still. Take care of yourself and check first.
#my thoughts#tb watches rg#the ides of march#ryan gosling#george clooney#ryan gosling movie recommendations#political drama#the ides of march movie#tb watches movies#tbgifs
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So on Twitter especially, there's been a lot of "The Owl House has better queer representation than x," or "x's representation sucks" and here's why that really bothers me in a full essay on tumblr dot com.
Quick disclaimer: This is about queer representation specifically. A lot of popular queer shows have a lot of other issues with different types of representation, or lack thereof, and that can and should be criticized, and many of them include stereotypes or harmful tropes WITH queer rep that also can and should be criticized. This post is about painting queer representation as a black-and-white thing and calling certain shows' representation "bad" without any nuance
First off, what makes queer representation "good" is subjective. The LGBTQ+ community is an amazingly diverse community in both identities and personal taste, and queer representation in media should reflect that with a variety of different stories to choose from. One queer person might like stories where bigotry isn't a huge plot point, while another might want to see their struggles reflected on screen. One might like the show to be about being queer, while another might like a character's queerness to be a side plot at most. Additionally, there are so many different identities and experiences under the queer umbrella that it's unrealistic and impossible to expect a single show, book series, or movie to include them all, and that could very easily result in certain stories being swept under the carpet. Again, this is why a variety of queer shows to choose from is important. There could be a show with amazing, well-written queer characters and storylines, and you as a queer person might just not like it for whatever reason. That's perfectly fine and normal.
Second, I almost never see differences between studios and networks taken into account. Some networks and studios have a long history of loud and public homophobia (cough cough, Disney, cough cough) and queer representation is going to be significantly harder to include without your show paying the price. While The Owl House is facing a significantly shorter run for a variety of reasons, the decision was made towards the end of Season 1, right around the time of Grom and Wing It Like Witches, and especially considering that Disney funded Florida's Don't Say Gay bill, we can assume that queer rep was at least part of it. Considering that before TOH all we had coming from Disney TVA was the cops from Gravity Falls (correct me if I'm wrong) and after TOH got such a positive response from it's online fanbase Amphibia ended up including some queer characters in it's third and final season, we can already see the impact it had. (Which is why it's still important to watch TOH legally if you can-it shows that there's interest in both story-driven shows that skew older AND queer representation! Unfortunately, money is the only way to get through to Disney.)
At Netflix, however, it's a little bit different with a lot of shows because Netflix originals can often come from other studios (Dreamworks, See Saw Films, etc,) and Netflix is their distributor. This can make it a little hard to determine where queer rep is either coming from or being blocked by. For streaming services as a whole, there tends to be more representation, which is partially because of the major switch to streaming happening right now. I also have a feeling that the general theory is that for a kid to watch Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts (fantastic show btw) they'd have to either actively search up the show or at least choose it from their recommended or whatever, while if a kid turns on Cartoon Network or Disney or whatever and a show is playing then they basically just watch it, so for streaming services there's more ways for parents to regulate what their kids are actually seeing. (At least from what I've seen, queer representation is more likely to get a show for kids cancelled but is more likely to be either stereotypical or have a plot that relies on bigotry in shows for adults. And I haven't seen a lot in shows for teens, other than Arcane and Heartstopper.) But whichever way you look at it, queer representation, how hard it is to include, and the variety of stories varies from network to network.
Additionally, shows like The Owl House and Heartstopper are from 2020-2022. We as a community have come so far in the last couple decades, and it's simply not realistic to expect a show from 2012, or even a show from 2018, to be on par with a show from 2021. And the success of shows like The Owl House is largely due to the positive response to previous shows' representation. Same concept as rainbow capitalism: companies are starting to realize that there's money to be found from queer representation and that queer stories are profitable. Which, yknow, is not really the mentality that I'd like to be put into telling my communities stories, but it's better than nothing.
Especially with media for kids, even if a character or story is not the best written, the fact that it was there can be monumental. Looking back as a teenager, the scene in House of Hades where Nico is outed is not really the best or healthiest representation and is not how I would write it in 2022, but at age 8, before same sex marriage was even legalized, I could read about a queer character in an easily accessible and age-appropriate book series that I loved, and that was such a huge step in my acceptance journey. There were multiple copies of almost every Rick Riordan book in both my elementary school library and my local public library, my parents and teachers were already comfortable with me reading the book (even to this day, I'm not really supposed to read books that are visibly queer,) and it was a prominent, three-dimensional character in a series that was my whole life for years. Nico, and later Alex, were the representation I didn't even know I needed, and while today a lot of people agree that they were not the best-written queer characters, the fact that they were there changed my life.
For my brothers, shows like The Owl House and Kipo and books like Trials of Apollo are their Heros of Olympus. And even if they don't turn out to be queer themselves, they at least weren't assholes when I came out. Hell, She Ra taught them how to use they/them pronouns (one of my brothers doesn't quite get it but he has a lot of trouble with spelling and grammar bc of a learning disability and he's trying, which is what matters.) And my brothers, who are 12 and 9 years old, cannot remember a time where they couldn't go to Netflix, Disney+, or their school library and read or watch stories about characters like me. Which, guys, I can't get over how far we've come. I'm 14-16 (not revealing exact age for privacy reasons,) and I can easily remember a time where same-sex marriage was illegal in a lot of states and I had never seen any media with queer characters. And I've watched queer representation get better and better over the years, which inspired me to want to create my own stories too. And while we still have a long way to go, I'm so happy with the way things have been changing.
In short, here's a list of things to consider when comparing and contrasting queer media:
When was this piece of media made? How would this have affected the way these characters are written?
What studio, platform, network, or publishing company is this media from? What is this company's stance on the queer community? What was this company's stance when the media was created?
Has this company or author created any queer media since this particular piece? What does that representation look like?
Are the creators of this media queer themselves? (A little off topic, but always something to consider)
Is it actually queerbaiting, or were parts of this character's story cut in production?
Is this queer representation actually bad, or do I just not like it?
Is this queer media actually bad, or is it just for a different age group (if you don't like shows like She Ra or TOH because they're 'too childish'... they are actually for kids. absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying them, but if they're too childish for you then you might be ready for an adult show)
Did the crew or author face any backlash during production? (For a lot of media, this is a 5-second google search.)
Criticizing media is good and healthy and I 1000% support it, but contextualizing the specific book, movie, or show you're talking about is a necessary step that I very often see skipped.
#cody speaks#queer representation#lgbtq#queer#lesbian#gay#bisexual#trans#transgender#nonbinary#she ra#spop#toh#the owl house#heartstopper#gay shows#hoo#heroes of olympus
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Really looking forward to reading Therapy Works in full when you post it! Do you think you could put all the snippets you've shared, and pit them in chronological order? If not, that's okay too! Another snippet would be fine.
I'm looking forward to this one too! Especially since it will be the first fic of my with the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad cabin! (If you've seen my rants about that.)
Let me see if I can find all the snippets I've posted!
It is obvious to him that Steve has issues, and that he isn’t dealing with them. And it is also obvious that he probably won’t start dealing with them without some helpful nudging in the right direction. He, himself, is all too familiar with that process. It had taken Rhodey and Pepper several years, (and then one solid putting-of-one’s-foot-down) before he had been convinced to give therapy a try.
He had done it though, because he had had friends to help get him onto that path.
Steve has… well, Steve has him now, apparently. Which is why he is now standing in front of his door, a pair ultra-waterproof boots in his hands.
...
“Whatz’ goin’ on?” Tony’s tongue feels a lump of clay. If it was an emergency JARVIS would just wake him up without worrying about Pepper, but for the life of him Tony can’t imagine another reason JARVIS would call him at four in the morning.
“Captain Rogers wished to know if you were awake,” JARVIS responds smartly. “I shall inform him you are indeed conscious.”
Huh? Tony pushes himself up in his bed, willing his brain to catch up. “Why’z he wanna know that?”
“I believe,” JARVIS says, like he’s spelling out something achingly simple. “You once stated he could call you instead of utilising the gym.”
...
Tony’s brain kickstarts and his eyes widen. “Wha—? Oh! Where is he?”
JARVIS continues over him like he hadn’t said anything. “Captain Rogers insisted on not disturbing you if you were not awake.”
“Right, of course,” Tony mutters, shoving back his blankets and glancing briefly at Pepper to make sure she’s still asleep. It doesn’t surprise him one bit that Steve had added that limiter. It also doesn’t surprise him that JARVIS had found a way around it.
...
Steve steps out and scans the room immediately, locating Tony at his tinkering desk. He looks tired, shadows under his eyes and a drawn expression on his face. His hands are in two tight fists by his side, but Tony is glad to see they lack the bloodied bandages from last time.
Steve pauses uncertainly on the threshold, his eyes flicking around nervously and Tony waves him inside.
“Come’on in,” he says, hoping his bedraggled hair reads as creative-genius-at-work and not recently-awoken-by-a-robot. “I was just fiddling with a few things.”
...
“I know it’s early,” Steve says suddenly. He holds himself stiffly, as though he isn’t quite sure he’s welcome yet. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
Tony shakes his head. “No,” he says decisively. “I’m glad you called. I meant what I said last time, but I was worried you wouldn’t take me up on it.”
Steve relaxes slightly, a small smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Well,” he says ruefully. “JARVIS did lock down the gym. And I figured you wanted the glass door to stay intact.” His shoulders roll in a shrug. “Guess JARVIS can be just as stubborn as me.”
...
The mention of insane asylums sets the wheels in his brain in motion. If Steve wasn’t sure if sanatoriums were still a thing, did he think that asylums were too?
Which is why, a few days after his early-morning movie night, Tony finds himself in his lab, several pages open in front of him as dives for the first time into what 1940s doctors actually thought about mental health.
It is all at once less bleak and more disheartening than he thought it would be.
...
At the same time as these and other treatments like lobotomies were being experimented with, psychotherapy and occupational therapists were slowly being brought in. Tony isn’t sure how much of a comfort that is though, because Steve spent most of the 40s at war. If he heard much about ‘mental hygiene’ treatments back then, he doubts it was the brand new Freudian theories.
And that leads him to another question. How much did Steve even know about these asylums, and how much of a concern were they for a man like him?
And a new one just for fun!
The more Tony thinks about it, the more he realises he has no idea how Steve actually learned everything he knows about the modern day. Part of him had always just assumed that SHIELD sat him down and laid it out for him, but even if that did happen, they could never have accounted for everything he needed to know.
Steve must have taught himself a lot of it alone.
#tumblr might remove all the paragraphing#but alas#therapy works#asks#my fic#fanfic#fanfiction#steve rogers#tony stark#wip
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Rewatching winx rn and just wanted to know, Which winx movie is your favourite? And why?
Omggg this question is so fucking hard
I love Secret of the Lost Kingdom SOOO much, it's my childhood fave, and I could scream about the big Rivusa kiss forever if I must, the fight that opened the movie is one of the best in the whole series fight me, it was funny as fuck, the worst fears sequence was amazing, AND THE DAPHNE AND BLOOM FIGHT WAS SK GORGEOUS BLOOM WITH DAPHNE MASK WAS SO GORGEOUS
On the other hand Magical Adventure is so GOOD, it brought back Bloom attacking people, some fucking PEEK Riven characterization, it confirmed my Erendor is evil theory and almost made him interesting, they gave TIMMY jokes god bless, actually bothered to characterize Bloom's parents, gave me the specialists training the Winx in physical combat which i will forever be grateful for, and the TRIX AND ANCESTRAL WITCHES COMBINATION IM SCREAMING!!!!
I'm gonna say Magic Adventure, but only barely. This is just because Magical Adventure has less "Bloom and Sky are the most perfect and specialist people in the world" bs and because "Riven gets mind controlled and accidentally hurts Musa" is a plot point I've seen before in s1 and feels lazy to do it again
I still like the 3rd movie, because I have a soft spot for these movies and I actually like the 3d art style (but not as much in the show, it's kinda jarring, and it's clear not as much time is put into it. So sometimes you get some genuinely gorgeous animation and other times Darcy's hair is a wood plank) but it's also really really bad and I cannot stand the song that plays when they are doing the orientation thing so I don't watch it nearly as much as the other two
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Dreaming
I know no one really wants to hear about someone else's dreams (even though it never bothers me, personally), but that's what I'm gonna spout off about here today.
J and my son think it's weird that I remember my dreams a lot. And they think it's weird that I dream like I'm watching a movie, because they say on the rare occasions they remember their dreams, it's like VR, and it's first person action to them. I FEEL things (like emotions, falling down, running, flying, whatever) like they are happening to me in the first person in my dreams, but I SEE them like I'm watching a movie. The proverbial fly on the wall. I'm sure that in itself says a lot about me as a person, but that's not really what compelled me to write today.
I'm writing because I've had a lot of GOOD dreams that could very well really happen lately, but I've woken up from them feeling really anxious or depressed. I had one about my son hugging me and telling me I was a good mom. I had another one about walking up a street in the neighborhood I grew up in with my best friend. And one about laying in a two-person hammock with J and looking up into a clear, quiet night sky. That's good shit. But I woke up bummed. Because they weren't real; I KNEW they weren't real, and a part of me felt (feels?) like it'd be impossible for any of them to actually be real. And I can remember having similar dreams when I was younger...in school...when I was a young adult on my own. Getting into college and graduating. Getting married. Having a house and a family of my own. Getting a dog. (Stuff that's all actually happened for real for me now, by the way). And I'd wake up bummed out about those too. I remember that feeling. I'd wake up with, 'That's not real/that will never be real.' But now those old ones ARE real. And I told J about the hammock dream, and he said, 'If we are literally anywhere with a hammock where we MIGHT be able to see stars, I promise we're doing that.' But I still have that sinking 'never gonna happen, too bad' feeling about good dreams anyway.
I also frequently have nightmares.
I have to, for some reason, repeat high school as my current self, and I argue with the administration, 'But I've graduated college; I own a house; my SON is in high school...' to no avail.
J and our son are gone. They've left me and they don't want to see me anymore.
I don't know where A is. He's not answering any texts anymore. Or worse, I haven't seen him since before I met J and I don't even know if he's alive.
I used to have a recurring one when I was still living at home with my parents and little brother that the Ohio River flooded, and it washed my brother away. And when my son was born I had dreams that he disappeared from his crib or just right next to me a lot.
Obviously ZERO of that shit has really happened, and I know some if it is totally impossible, and yet, I would wake up from those and go check on my son or my little brother in a panic like they were definitely real. J often wakes up with me early in a morning or in the middle of the night and says, 'That's not real. I'm not going anywhere. Boy is ok...' A has never not texted me back within a day. Ever.
My good dreams have and definitely CAN come true, and they never feel real. So why is it that the irrational nightmarish ones always feel real?
#I'm sure this says a lot of deep shit about me but I just wish I felt the opposite about my dreams#my writing
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