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#i wish i could say life has been better but alas it is much worse
imaginespazzi · 7 days
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Nivi – hey bestie, you’ve done it again – I wasn’t sure it could get more heartbreaking than the last one and yet!
As always, the writing is- well, it’s everything.
The parallels between high school them and college them was immaculate, and I so wish Paige could have fulfilled her dream of kissing Azzi under the confetti, but alas, maybe in another universe 😉
I loved the little exchange about UConn and California, and how that possibility was always there but Paige could just never accept it.
P and UConn winning the natty this year – it had to happen in at least one universe, so thank you for letting it happen in this one.
Side note: Drew and Paige interactions are always top tier, and very much the type of momentary fluff that I needed to break up the sadness while reading.
Side note 2: I love that I don’t even need to imagine what Azzi wearing Paige’s jersey would look like, but I’m glad ucla au Paige got to experience it too 🥹
The celebration with the team was so cute and of course it would be KK that basically helps break the ice (and her lil innocent “you should bring her around more often” 🥺). Also, all the little moments Az got with everyone else in the team was so wholesome, and ofc queen Nika being a loveable menace who’s always just looking out for her twin.
Side note 3: I love love love the two piggyback moments haha, just because that’s so pazzi core to me idk, I feel like there’s been a lot of photos where Azzi is piggybacking Paige irl, like that’s very much their thing so I adored seeing it incorporated here. But then, the ending. I knew it was coming, but it certainly did not make it hurt any less when we got there. “Fuck,” Paige’s voice is still wracked with sleep, “I thought you left.” “That’s more your style,” Azzi says – this was particularly heartbreaking, but I can’t really blame Azzi, even if P is trying so hard to make things right.
Overall, I may or may not have been tearing up throughout the entire chapter, and it somehow hit me even harder the second time I read through it? I think that’s just testament to your writing tbh.
Thoughts on what’s next:
Do things finally start getting better? It can’t get any worse, can it? (famous last words) 😅
I did wonder actually, whether you’d have them win or lose the natty, only because if they did win which obviously they did here (thank you), could that maybe change P’s mind at all on declaring or not?
I’m guessing she obviously sticks to her og decision and stays, and so I’m super intrigued on what might come next for them.
Like will they try going back to being just friends? Even though they’ve already tried and failed and knowing that would never be enough for Paige. But can they really not be in each other’s lives??
Will they try seeing other people again??
Summer’s coming up in the timeline and they’ve never spent an entire summer apart, so what will they do this summer? 😔 Or will we have a big time jump?
So many questions, and only you have the answers, Nivi.
Favourite lines/quotes:
The moon shines against Azzi’s face and Paige thinks that so much has changed, but Azzi’s still that kind of beautiful
“Do you know what my answer would have been?” “Yeah,” Azzi says softly, squeezing her hands, “yeah I do.”
Alternate lyrics that came to mind while reading:
Talk about our future like we had a clue. Never planned that one day, I'd be losing you.
In another life, I would be your girl. We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world.
Oh, and in honour of your love for Taylor, a Taylor lyric that came to mind was specifically this:
And I can go anywhere I want. Anywhere I want, just not home - mainly from the perspective of Paige getting almost everything she’s ever wanted, except the thing she wants most.
PS: I don’t really listen to Taylor’s music much anymore (nothing negative, just a shift in my music tastes these past couple of years!), but if there’s anything you think I should definitely give a listen to from her latest album, let me know!
As always, thank you for all you do for us. Have a wonderful weekend 💗
Much love, -🙋‍♀️
Hi bestie, one thing about me is that I will find a way to make it worse! 🤪
Thank you my sweets, it always means the world <3
I'm glad you caught that because I wanted to hint at the idea that it wasn't just a random decision of Azzi's part to choose UCLA and that she'd always been considering it.
If I can add Drew and Paige interactions, best believe I will find a way to do it. That's another relationship that's so precious to me.
Shoutout to the one anon who asked for Azzi to wear Paige's jersey in the universe as well because I took that and ran with it so I hope they liked it, because I liked their idea (come say hi!)
The team scene was one my favorites to write honestly, especially just in general KK is so fun to write because she's so fun and I need my chaotic family (Paige-Azzi-KK-Ice) to be a thing in every universe.
YES the piggybacks are just so Pazzi-core and I know this is an au but I like to take things from what we already know about them and just tweak it to keep some semblance of realism. Also piggyback are just really cute and Paige seems like the kind to beg literally anyone to carry her anyways
Things will get better because I actually don't know if they can get worse (actually they probably could but it might be hard to come back from lol) but things getting better is gonna take a lot
See if Paige changes her mind and declares, things become easy for them with her going to LA and I'm not in the business of making things easy for them lol
You think I have the answer to these question but truly what I write is just as much a mystery of where my inspiration will take to me as it is to you. So we'll see but we're on the ascent upwards, so no more other people lol!
I LOVE THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY SO MUCH!!
As for Taylor, the new album's pretty good babes if you wanna go listen! Lowkey a lot of the songs work pretty well with this fic lmao. But my favorites are loml and Fortnight I think.
Always love your detailed takes on the new parts and just seeing you in my inbox always makes me smile <3
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ishgard · 3 months
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iris & zinnia for the botanical prompts!
[from @/icehearts, and sorry for the angst lmao]
Oh that's fine I love angst thank you so much >3 Answering for Ahru and I'll put them under a cut because 1. length and 2. spoilers! All the way through EW.
iris :   if your muse could convey one last message to someone they have lost or left behind ,   what would it be ?  
~Snippets from Letters to the Lifestream~
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To Venat: I feel like you know everything already, but if I don't say it I think it'll fester in my lungs. I hated you. Resented you, feared you. I didn't understand you at all. Not until it was too late. I'm so sorry. Thank you for never holding it against me. Thank you for loving me and believing in me. I love you too, so, so much.
To Wilred: I don't know if it means much, but I am so, so proud of you. You may not realize it but you gave me hope and inspiration - to be a better person, too. (there are smudges here, and the lines are scribbled in a more shaky hand) I wish you could see Ala Mhigo now, free and thriving. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you.
To Haurchefant: It's been so long, since I would walk into your quarters and unravel my trials and tales to you. My quill faltered over the paper for so long, remembering how easy it used to be. I never had to pretend, never had to be more than exactly who I was. Thank you. For that, and everything else you gave me. A home, a family, a life. You know, it's not an easy thing, to live after someone dies for you. It's actually really, really hard. But you always believed in me, didn't you? Thank you for that, too. Also, just one more thing. I wish I'd said it then, but I was too foolish to figure it out. I love you. I love you. I love you.
To Emet-Selch: I imagine writing you like this is just going to annoy you. But if anyone actually found these letters it'd be you, I'm sure. Are you having a good rest? The birds are singing, children play, and the star continues to thrive. But what I really want to say is that I miss you. In ways my 'feeble mind' can't fathom but my soul feels keenly. I look forward to meeting you again one day, and annoying you in the next life too.
To Zenos: You godsdamned fool. Why couldn't you listen for once? If you come back again I... Well, I won't kill you again, but I'll do you one worse. I'll make you live. Really live. Oh, you're going to hate it. You're going to love it. (at the bottom of the page, written small) You will come back, won't you?
(on the back of the page, scribbled at a slant in a faster, angry scrawl) You saved me. I hate that you did. But it makes sense that you did, in our special way. I know only you would truly understand it. But here's the thing you won't understand: I love you for it.
zinnia :   how has the loss of fallen comrades and/or loved ones affected your muse ?   has it taught them anything or given them any new perspectives ?
Ho boy. I'm gonna break this down per character (a few, not all). Gonna put the rest under a cut!
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Haurchefant: Bad. To summarize, her mindset basically became "I have to keep going for him, I have to keep going for everyone who is still alive, I have to be everywhere, always, and not ever, ever let this happen again, I can't let anyone else die for me." This was a mindset already seeded by the attack on the Waking Sands and the Bloody Banquet, but really took vicious root with Haurchefant's death. She ran herself ragged until basically post-Stormblood.
I want to say she did gain good things from it too in the long run but that's more her own healing done over a long period of time. She did also realize after he died that she loved him (big oofies), which would be the seed that gradually opened her heart and steadied her spirit in the long run (though also reliant on A Lot of Other Stuff).
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Zenos: As far as growth-through-others goes, I feel like Hau and Zenos are two sides of the same coin for Ahru. The two little consciences on her shoulders. Wounds Haurchefant left in her spirit Zenos carved on her flesh to bleed out. I wrote this thing post-SB that I think gives at least some impression:
A kindred beast wrapped in war and bitter despair. A cutting pain that leaves her gasping, bleeding - alive. Human. She remembers in the struggle what it feels like to drown, to barely stay afloat, and then, against all odds, to survive. It is the bricks and mortar of who she is, reconstructed in a terrible dance for the heavens to gaze upon. As her teeth bite down on supple flesh, and blood spills down her throat, she is once more the victor. Once more, alone. 
So yeah, Zenos was absolutely her mirror, and losing him (both times) hit terribly hard despite all the damage he did. But she also realized exactly what made them different; all of the love and companionship she had in her life, deep roots that made the whole world her beloved home.
She also greatly embraced the idea of 'being a monster', at first in a kind of rabid way, on the heels of that mindset mentioned in the Haurchefant section, though gradually more in the sense of 'being a monster isn't such a bad thing': She's powerful and strong and can protect her friends.
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Venat: Ahru had so many suspicions about Hydaelyn for so long, and then to have them sorta-kinda 'confirmed' by Emet-Selch? Well, it was more complicated than just giving her the rights to be like "Aha! I knew it!" Because that truth of course came with a lot more information, that made everything a lot more complicated.
I think a lot about meeting her on the boat, how once upon a time Ahru would have chosen the option about 'no longer being able to trust Hydaelyn' - because she never really did. But instead, by this point, she felt so much more compelled and asked 'why show yourself now?' Ahru has always been deeply curious (almost not even a strong enough word) about the Ascians and what drives them, about Zodiark and Hydaelyn.
So then to meet her, to share her stories, to learn the truth behind her blessings, changed everything for her. To learn how similar they were, how deep their connections ran. To learn that this Goddess has been standing firm, waiting for her, just. How soul-shaking it was. She had such little faith in Hydaelyn, and Hydaelyn had so much in her.
There's a lot of other complicated feelings between Ahru and her mother, Ahnia, when compared to the sort of warmth and acceptance she realized Venat gave her. Basically, in the course of Endwalker, she gained a sort-of-mother figure who was then taken away from her and it's a really complicated sort of grief she's dealing with there. It isn't, however as debilitating or damaging a grief as some others, for the most part. Rather, she feels more strong and resolute, renewed of purpose.
There's a common theme in a lot of Ahru's loss, of realizing too late what should have been cherished. And that isn't always her fault, either! she's had to realize. But if there's one thing it's all taught her it's to really hold those she loves close, to keep an open heart, and cherish every encounter.
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zydrateacademy · 3 months
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First Impressions - Starfield
I have a friend who once told me that Starfield is a game of compromises, but I can't deny that an open world Bethesda game still scratches an itch that does not get satisfied very often. The likes of Cyberpunk 2077 (which is already three years old, ho' hell...) and Baldur's Gate 3 come along to scratch my back but I still always hold hope for the next Bethesda game. So while I enjoy the game for what it is, this review might have a lot more bad to say than good, because the good is just 'good' and there's just a lot more to say about the bad.
The good here still works. Running around in a new world, picking everyone's pockets (oh yes, the "stealth archer" archetype is just as valid here if a bit twitchy), fiddling with gear and the like. It doesn't quite scratch the same tech/tactical shooter that I eventually turned FO4 into with mods but I think it has the potential when the modding tools are released soon.
Now that is always an ongoing debate. Modders should not be tasked to 'fix' a developer's game, and the baseline game has to be good and enjoyable enough to attract said modders to eventually spend years of their life toiling. As of this writing, Skyrim has 500 new mods published -this week-, and that's not even bothering to look up what's been updated as well. All that said, it still most certainly helps.
The general gameplay loop still works, generally just looting and shooting and slowly upgrading my gear as the enemies acquire better stuff while I level up. I enjoy some of the spaceflight but it's more thin than I expected. Spaceflight is not a "pick a direction and go" but more when you fast travel to planets there may or may not be some kind of encounter, between fighting mercenaries or having your cargo scanned for contraband. Once you're done with the encounter, it's done, and there's no reason to continue flying around.
I still really enjoy spaceflight and I truly wish there was more of it. But so far in ~20 hours it has mostly amounted to "kill three ships, now land on the planet towards your objective".
There's a contraband feature I'm a bit mixed on. Every now and then, notably when you're exploring "abandoned" structures on planets (so far, always occupied by pirates), you'll find some very high-priced illegal item packs you can take to the Trade Authority to hock. Unfortunately this is basically just a special item with extra steps. There's only one or two viable places to go to, to avoid the authorities scanning your ship and I've found a backpack full of high-priced guns can yield more cash than the specialized contraband which has an expected huge markdown when I go to sell them anyway. It's a fun idea but not implemented as well as it could be.
Very quickly, I am hit with this strange double-triple-unlock perk system. Things like upgrading your weapons and gear are behind a tiered wall so you might have to dump points in a line you're hardly interested in (I don't really care that my scanner gets 10 more meters, I'm running towards the thing I'm scanning anyway) just to be able to get the capability of upgrading your own stuff. After that you need to 'research' your ability to craft these things. At a certain point I might just cheat in 100 units of various materials just to skip the research part.
It's basically Fallout4's system but worse, with extra hoops to jump through. At least in FO4 your perks were just locked behind the attribute level and nothing else. But in order to fly the 'best' ships you will need a bunch of perks in the tech tree, for a game you really don't spend that much flying in.
I think the game has a scaling problem. While you can't fly planet to planet manually hoping to run into random encounters (ala~ random spawns on the roads of Skyrim that are different on every playthrough), it also has trouble with on foot traversal itself. People complained about planetfall on the first Mass Effect as just amounting to a square foot space to run around and explore in but I think Starfield would have benefited from that system here. So far in my experience I have simply done the Mass Effect thing and explored the three or four points of interest on a planet and left it at that. You can choose a point and land anywhere on planets and maybe establish an outpost but there's very long expanses of nothing and running between PoI's made me wish for some kind of hoverbike. Or a Mako.
Minor nitpick: Beth games really need to give their merchants more money. Scrolling through some reviews there's one that formatted very simplistically. Perfect? No. Overhyped? Sure. Fun? Yes. A lot of that I agree with. I won't deny Bethesda has some real work to do here (with a major patch coming in a couple of days) but I'm still enjoying the experience.
So here's a thumbs up if you're anything like me and are just suffering from the general dry spell of open world RPGs. It'll do for now.
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belchuggins · 2 years
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Damn, I can’t believe it’s been almost 2 years since I’ve been active on here lmao
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clairecrive · 3 years
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Heyy:) can you write Nikolai x tidemaker reader, while Nikolai is still Sturmhond and the reader is part of the crew. Nikolai fell in love at first sight but the reader is a little introvert, but she snaps one day and confesses her love to him.
Sorry English isn’t my first language:)
Stars in the night
a/n: Hi hun sorry for the long wait. it's a bit shitty but I hope you're still around and like this x
warnings: none, fluff
word count: 2.8K
tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofsheilds , @for-bebbanburg , @randomoutsiders , @pansysgirlfriend, @hannaxmaria , @vintagebitc , @story-scribbler , @crowssixof , @odetostep , @lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl,@gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee, @mriddlemethis, @carnationworld, @thanossexual, @luvxginger, @sanna2020, @partiesandblurrypolaroids, @edithsvoice, @wafflesandschemingfaces, @snugleo, @sugarmelonwater (tag list form)
SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST
Nights were usually y/n’s favourite time of the day. Chaos and shouts left place to eerie silence and the comforting quietness of the stars. Being on a ship meant always having people around whether they were shouting or singing or playing or whatever.
Y/n didn’t mind their company per se, it’s just that sometimes, people’s presence can get too much. But whenever she felt overwhelmed, she knew she could count on the stars to anchor her and help her breathe.
After an exhausting day at sea, no one refused the possibility to sleep and recharge. So, more often than not, y/n didn’t have any trouble in taking the night shift. It actually made her even more popular with the rest of the crew.
The crew’s captain was another thing. Y/n hadn’t a precise idea on him simply because he was always up to something. Sitting still was not in his blood, even where there were no chores to attend to. If there wasn’t something to do, Sturmhond would create it.
He was such at antipodes with y/n’s personality that their interactions were limited to her assignments, her report after her shift or him updating her about his plans. Or rather- her role in them. Y/n wasn’t foolish enough to think that he really made her part of his plans. And to be fair, y/n never asked more than what directly concerned her. Maybe that was why Sturmhond was so interested in her.
There was nothing subtle about the man. From the way he walked like he owned the world, to his shiny red hair. So, when he unusually started to roam around her just because, y/n did notice. Hell, everyone on the ship noticed. It was hard not to in such a limited space.
However, y/n thought nothing of it. It was just him being his extravagant self. Nothing new, honestly. She did not mind it either. The man had a way of being there without being overbearing, which was more than y/n could say about any other men she had met. Well, all except Tolya, of course.
He had started by bidding her good morning and goodnight every day. Then he would come to find her throughout the day, to chitchat above all things. To y/n’s horror, the privateer didn’t desist. He kept coming and y/n honestly didn’t know how to react.
She had always found him quite handsome and charming, but there was something she was absolutely shit at: small talk. And the man wanted exactly that from her. Alas, it all ended up with Sturmond’s voice filling the awkward pauses and y/n barely answering his questions.
She knew in her heart that she was giving him the wrong impression and she feared that her awkwardness would be mistaken for coldness making him eventually desist. Despite her fears though, the man didn’t seem off-put by her behaviour. He kept coming and coming but that didn’t ease y/n in any capacity.
Then one night, he stopped beating around the bush. It didn’t exactly catch her by surprise, y/n knew him, it was only a matter of time before he came out with it. It wasn’t in his nature to be discreet. Or so she thought, based on what she saw.
“Why did you want to be part of my crew? You don’t seem to like me,” he wondered, his green eyes shining in the moonlight.
Despite the words that left his mouth, y/n knew what his question implied. What he was really asking. But however powerful she might be, y/n didn’t have the guts to be upfront with him. Not even with the comforting presence of the stars as their witnesses.
If only he knew.
She knew that this could potentially be a chance for her to test the waters, to see what his intentions were and to make her clear. But alas, she knew nothing about flirting. Deflecting it is, then.
“Tolya and Tamar trust you. I trust them with my life so,” she shrugged, tacitly implying that she somewhat trusted him too.
“I see. So not only do I owe them my life but also an incredible crew.”
“The big and mighty Sturmhond praising someone other than himself?”
“I only sing praise when they’re due.”
“And, of course, no one deserves it more than yourself.”
“Well, you said it darling.” He flashed her a dazzling smile that made the moonlight pale.
Y/n rolled her eyes a bit to convey her annoyance and a bit to avoid him seeing the blush rising on her cheeks.
Truth be told, Tolya and Tamar weren’t the only ones that persuaded her from becoming a part of his crew albeit they were a big part of it. She wasn’t lying when she told him that she trusted them with her life. If it wasn’t for them, y/n would probably be a soulless machine right now. Her body on the outside but really nothing that made her y/n on the inside. That’s what happened to Grisha in Shu Han.
She owed the twin everything but that wasn’t why she made the decision to join them on the Volkovny. They didn’t force her to follow them or anything. And y/n couldn’t deny that Sturmhond’s handsome face didn’t make her sway a little in her decision. That was, however, something slippery about the privateer. It didn’t make him untrustworthy per se, but it certainly made her wary about trusting him.
The biggest push that prompted her to the Volkovny and life on the sea was her experience in Shu Han. Being Grisha meant not having a safe place outside of Ravka and sometimes in Ravka as well. Her home country was war-torn and as much as y/n had been trained to be a soldier all her life, she didn’t feel ready to take part in a fight that she didn’t feel her own.
Despite his unorthodox methods, General Kirigan’s sole purpose had always been making Grisha safe. And seeing as she had seen first-hand how the world treated Grisha, y/n could really get behind his plot, not caring about how bloody it was.
Life on the sea meant no more persecutors. Outside of her crew, no one in the ports they sailed to knew she was Grisha. Not that she was ashamed of who she was, but it’d be like having a mark on her skin if people knew. A mark that made her unsafe. She craved a life where she didn’t have to constantly watch her back. And being on the Volkovny granted her wish.
Not that it was a safe lifestyle, of course. But y/n was a survivor. If she had come out of the keirgud alive, she could well out best every threat that she will eventually cross on the sea. Besides, she knew that the twins had her back. And, in a small percentage, so did Sturmhond.
She and the captain didn’t exactly have a relationship, not like the twins have. She wasn’t his confidante or anything and she preferred to spend her time on her own -as much as life on deck allowed her- but since she was such in close quarters with the twins, that definitely made her closer to him than the rest of the crew. Not to mention that now the captain had started spending his nights with her too.
Well, not all night and not every night but it was a substantial increase in his time spent with her. Sure, it was all parts of him doing his rounds at night and being his amiable self.
So why the hell did her breath hitch whenever she caught his silhouette approaching? She hated herself for feeling like this. And him. Only that she didn’t, not really. It wasn’t his fault, was it? It was just her being silly. It’ll pass, sooner or later.
Only that, of course, it didn’t. In fact, it got even worse. If before she could manage their interaction by playing aloof and uninterested, it has now come to the point where she almost blubbered. Her heart hated her, it’d beat frantically whenever he’d approach, and his intoxicating smell made it impossible to form a coherent thought.
So, y/n decided to just stay clear of him to prevent any embarrassing situation.
After that, things didn’t get weird per se. Seeing y/n alone and drifting away from most group gatherings wasn’t weird. What was though, was her absence during the night shifts.
Before she monopolized those shifts, now she took turns like everyone else.
That was the big spy that made everyone worry about her. Non though went to talk to her about it. It would have been too personal for most of the crew to ask, and those who didn’t think better of it.
The twins knew her very well, she’d come to them whenever she was ready.
The captain… well, he didn’t react at all, which made y/n think that he hadn’t noticed anything.
He very well did, though. And the sign that he did was that he hadn’t come to her anymore. He noticed her withdrawal and while he didn’t understand why he respected her decision.
That didn’t mean that he gave up on her entirely though. His research moved elsewhere; his tactic shifted from approach to observe.
It took him almost a week to be feed with this new tactic. Not only did it prove unsuccessful, but he had almost broken a limb or two in his spying attempts.
One night, the one when he knew that you had taken the shift, he shifted again to ”approach”.
“Lovely night, eh?” He grimaced as the words left his mouth. Lamest approach ever.
“Oh, captain,” y/n exclaimed, startled by his unexpected presence, “yes, indeed.” She agreed, turning back to rest her arms over the bannister.
Nikolai’s eyes shine with amusement and y/n grimaced, cloaked in the darkness of the night, she was torn between wanting to punch herself or him. Maybe both.
“Sorry for startling you. I was surprised to see you here.”
“I’m on the night shift today,” she explained even though it wasn’t needed but saints. If they had given her social skills, she would have been too powerful.
“I see. It does not happen as often,” his eyes roamed over to her face, he could only see the side facing him thanks to the moonlight.
Y/n knew what he was doing, the man was hardly subtle, but she appreciated his attempt of breaching the subject lightly.
“We all took turns; it wasn’t fair for me to hijack this time shift.”
“I’m far too smart for you to lie to my face,”
“Excuse me?”
“What I mean to say,” he sighed, regret showing on his face, “is that I worry that you might have changed your habits because of me.”
“Why would you think that?”
“It has not escaped my notice that you’ve trying to avoid me.”
“Avoiding someone on a ship is an impossible feat.”
“I’m aware,” he smirked, and something told her that seeing her trying to do exactly that amused him to no end. Y/n turned back towards to sea and said nothing. Better silence than pointless words.
“So,” it was Sturmhond who broke the silence, “want to tell me what’s the problem?”
“There’s no problem, captain.”
“Again with lying,” he chided softly. Sturmond knew y/n like the back of his hand. Being on a ship will do that. He knew then that the best way to approach her wasn’t to put her under the spotlight or in a corner.
She sighed, knowing that lying to him would not get her out of this situation. Trying to muster her courage, she turned to him.
“Alright, you’re right,” she conceded and that alone was telling since Sturmonhd’s ego didn’t need any stroking. “You haven’t done anything wrong, though. It’s me.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“You should because it’s true. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by my emotions and I don’t know how to deal with them.”
“So, you just run from the situation?”
“I wouldn’t exactly call it running,” she mumbled under her breath. His intense stare put her even more on edge.
“Isn’t that point of living, though?” he added softly, “Feeling?”
“Maybe.”
“Amazing,” he said with an edge to his voice.
“What?” Y/n’s eyes flickered to him and the expression on his face left her wondering if he was serious or making fun of her.
“I’ve seen you facing volcras and other enemies straight on with a courage that puts to shame many soldiers and yet this is what you’re afraid of?”
“Rejections is much scarier than combat.” Abandoning every attempt of pretence, y/n went with the truth. She was already in the game, now she had no choice but to play.
“Is it?” His brow raised and now there was no doubt that he was making fun of her.
“If something goes bad in a battle, I’m dead. And there’s nothing for me to worry about if that happens, right?”
“But putting myself out there and then getting rejected, means living with the shame and embarrassment of knowing that I’m not enough.”
“Well, that’s a rather tragic take on it.”
“Joke all you want. I don’t suppose you know what it feels like, giving your shining hair and dazzling smile.”
“While knowing you think that of me brings me immense joy, I would also like to point out that you’re wrong.”
Now it was her turn to raise her eyebrow in wonder.
“Rejection takes a whole other shade of intensity when it comes from your family.” The words were said lightly but they made her breath get caught in her throat anyway.
“Is it because of your lifestyle?”
“It’s because of their opinion of me that I’ve chosen this lifestyle.”
“I’m sorry that your family is unable to see how much you shine.” “Maybe it’s because you’ve blinded them?” She tried to ease the tension and she was rewarded with a tease of a smile.
“Oh, don’t point it at me! I will lose my eyes and then you’ll throw me from this ship,” she shrieked and went to shield her eyes as if she was under the midday sun. This foolish stunt earned her the captain’s laugh. One so full and rich that left no doubt of its authenticity. It made y/n smile too and wish that he’d do that more often.
“I would never throw you from this ship.”
“What use could I have with no eyes?”
“I’m sure we’ll be able to find you something else to do.”
“Like being the ship’s clown.”
“While you amuse me to no end, I was thinking about a far more private role.”
“Private as in?”
“Meant for my eyes only.”
“Selfish much?”
“When it comes to you? Shamelessly so.”
The privateer leaned down to her, agonizingly slow giving her all the time to pull away if she wanted to. A million things swirled through her mind in those few seconds. Every worry about what was going to happen, about all the ways this could go sour.
The wheels in her mind turned incredibly fast almost making her lightheaded. Before this could turn into a full session of overthinking though, y/n shook her head effectively stopping the thoughts from growing.
Despite her lacking in basic social skills in an incredibly sad way, conversation with him always flowed easily. She never worried about what she was supposed to do or say or whatever. She could just… be. Be y/n.
That was priceless if not rare. And right then and there she decided that she wasn’t willing to lose it. Not without fighting.
Borne from the spur of the moment the best decision she could ever make, she leaned into him as well. Closing her eyes, she was able to see the corner of his lips lifted a little before she felt his lips on him.
Saints.
Did she say that she was afraid of feeling? Fuck that. This feeling, the feel of the touch of his lips on her, his fingers lightly stroking her face, his breath inside her, him becoming a part of her? She was pretty sure was going to die if she went too long without it.
Angling his head to the side, she pressed her lips on his with renowned fervour. Her hands found their way in his strands. A moan left him as y/n swallowed the sound. Using the grip on his hair, y/n pulled him to her. Sturmond gladly followed her lead, returning the intensity of the kiss before his hands gripped the back of her knees, lifting her up.
He lightly used the bannister as leverage, his grip shifting to her hips holding her so tightly so that losing her was not an option. Not now, not ever.
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danses-with-dogmeat · 3 years
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Howdy! I got an ask/react for the Fo4 companions! How would a romanced companion react to Sole (preferably female) doing things to make them feel 'stronger' or 'protective' over her? Some random examples: Sole "can't" open something and has to ask for help/Sole conveniently forgets her overcoat when she knows it's going to be cold out, etc. the little things :) (Extra thing: you don't have to but if you could go into a bit more depth for Deacon and Hancock's response that'd be great :D )
Okay, this was so. much. fun. I took a few... creative liberties with the prompt, but I hope it’s still in the realm of what you were looking for! And, of course, thank you so much for the ask! I hope you like it!
Cait: 
     Sole pressed a cold cloth to Cait's cheekbone, and she hissed at the pressure of the contact on her swollen cheek. 
"Shit, sorry, Cait." 
"Eh, I've had worse licks than this."
"I know, but still… this one is definitely my fault." 
"It's hardly yer fault, luv, I'm the one who got meself inte this."
"How? I'm the one who started the fight." Sole protested, pulling her hand back so she could look her companion in the eye. 
"Maybe, but I'm the one who gave you yer drinkin’ problem, and that's what got us inte the fight in the first place." Sole chuckled at that, shaking her head. The two had had this discussion what seemed like a hundred times, both trying to take the blame for the constant slew of bar fights that they found themselves getting into. 
Tonight, it had been four intoxicated men who had decided it was a neat idea to discuss the details of what they’d do to Cait if they could get her drunk enough. While the redhead hadn’t seemed to hear, Sole had briskly made her way over to the group to give her two cents on these ideas of theirs. So, Cait had a point, maybe if Sole hadn’t had quite so much whiskey, she could’ve tried to solve the problem more... verbally. But alas, her confrontation had officially started with her fist landing at the temple of the man nearest to her, effectively knocking him out. And it had ended with Cait hauling Sole to her feet after disposing of the man’s companions. 
Cait picked absent-mindedly at the scabs forming on her knuckles as Sole brought the wet rag up to her face once more, dabbing at the blood next to Cait's lip. 
"God, how is it that you always end up with the injuries? All I got was a bruise to the cheek, and yet, here you are, looking like a human punching bag."
"I can tell ya that. It's cus it's always me rushin' in te save your arse. Why do you always take on more than ye can handle?" Sole snickered, not knowing if Cait found her own words as amusing as she had. 
"Because, I know no matter how many assholes I take on, you'll always be there to save me." Cait made a disgusted sound, rolling her eyes at that, much like Sole thought she would, before letting her emerald gaze meet Sole's eyes. 
"I wish you weren't, but yer damn right." Cait said, and Sole felt a little jump in her chest at the sentiment. Cait wasn’t the most tender person in the wasteland, but somehow, she always seemed to know what to say; to Sole, anyway.
The pair sat silently for a bit as Sole finished cleaning up her defender. Wiping down her bloodied hands, and the remainder of the crusted crimson on her face.
"Are ya done fussin yet? I'm tellin’ you, I'm fine. Can we just go te sleep already?"
"One more spot left." She told her, bringing the rag up to her bruised face once more. Sole's eyes fell to Cait's swollen lips as she drew the cool fabric over them, before leaning in to press her mouth softly to Cait's. Sole pulled away, but stayed close enough for Cait to feel her warm, whiskey-tinged breath fan over her as she whispered, 
"Thank you for saving me tonight. I really was way in over my head." Sole looked down, embarrassed at her admission, as Cait smiled at her. 
"It was my pleasure, luv. As you said, I'll always be there te save yer arse." 
Curie: 
     "You know, you don't have to come to me for something as small as zhis." Curie said as she examined the minor cut on Sole’s arm. “You could patch zhis up yourself easily!” 
“Well…” Sole felt heat rise to her cheeks as she searched for an explanation. She knew that every time she came to Curie for something like this, she was taking up the doctor’s precious time, but she couldn’t help herself. What was she supposed to do when Curie insisted on working all day when they were at a settlement? They usually came to settlements to relax, to help make repairs and look into any problems the settlers might be having, but Curie always insisted on doing check-ups for everyone in their vicinity. Sole loved her selflessness and dedication to her work, but… When were they supposed to spend time together? This is what I get for having a workaholic for a girlfriend.
“You know, infection is a big problem out here. I just thought it would be best to seek the help of a professional.” 
“Oh, of course, of course. How responsible of you.” Sole bit at her lip as Curie laughed at her. Well, she really has caught onto the whole ‘sarcasm’ thing.
 “Fortunately, you do not need to worry about infection in zhis, it iz not deep. But come here, with me.” Curie urged Sole off of the cot she was seated on and brought her to a table at the back of the clinic. 
“Wait here, se vous plait.” With that, Curie disappeared around the corner, and Sole stood around, twiddling her thumbs, as she tried to think of an excuse to get Curie off of work early. 
“I was going to clean my supplies with zhis, but we can do your arm first.” Curie said as she came around the corner, a bucket of soapy water in-hand. 
“Here.” Curie set the bucket onto the table and had Sole hold out her arm as she produced a clean rag from the pocket of her lab coat, and dunked it into the warm water. Sole watched as Curie wrung out the cloth, and brought it to the miniscule wound on her arm. 
It was comical, really, the care that Curie took in cleaning the cut that couldn’t have been more than an inch long, and was almost too thin to see. Another rush of heat made its way to Sole’s cheeks as she realized how ridiculous she must seem to the doctor, but Curie made no complaints as she used the other side of the rag to dry off her arm. 
“Zhere! It should be all better. I can wrap it for you too, if you’d like.” 
“Thanks Curie, you’re a lifesaver. But I don’t think you really need to wrap it.” The synth laughed at her as she threw the rag into a basket and picked up the bucket again. 
“Oh, mon dieu, I don’t know about zhat.” She shook her head, a pink tint coming to her pale cheeks at Sole’s flattery as she turned to go into the back of the clinic again. 
“Wait!” Sole said, reaching out her “good” arm to stop Curie before she could vanish around the corner once more. Curie looked at her, a questioning expression on her face. Sole stood, her hand still wrapped around Curie’s forearm, utterly at a loss of what to say. I just don’t want you to go. It’ll be another four hours until you get off. 
I think you should take a break?
Maybe you should have a half day?
Do you need some help here at the clinic? God, when did I become so damn clingy?
“Hmm.” Curie’s eyes pierced into Sole’s as a knowing look washed over her face. “I zhink I know what it is you want.” Sole just stared ahead, wondering silently if that were true. The doctor set down the bucket yet again, delicately taking a hold of Sole’s “injured” arm once more. Slowly, she brought it upwards, then lowered her head to place her lips gently over the cut. “Iz zhat better?” 
Sole giggled, still embarrassed, but definitely glad she had come to interrupt Curie’s work. I guess I can wait a little longer. Maybe make us a nice dinner for tonight...
“Much. Thanks again, Curie.” 
“Of course! Anytime, mon amour.”
Danse: 
     Sole sat at the kitchen table, draining the last of her coffee as her gaze fell to Danse, where he was seated on the steps outside the front door of her Sanctuary home. He stared ahead blankly, brows knitted together above his lusterless eyes as his hands worked to remove a spot of rust from a piece of power armor he had taken off his suit temporarily. Lately, the ex-paladin had been adept in putting on a show for Sole, making her think that he was okay, even after everything that had changed in his life over the course of a few hours. It had been over a week since he had found out about his true identity, and in that time,  Sole could tell that he had tried to remain strong. For whom, she wasn’t sure. She thought she had made it clear to him that she didn’t care about his “strength” in these times, she just wanted him to get through them, whatever the means. Yet, he only seemed to don this look of despair and hopelessness whenever he thought she wasn’t looking, and if she tried to bring it up, he would always attempt to change the subject, or he would tell her not to worry and simply say that he was still working on “adjusting.” 
She hated when he didn’t talk to her. The seemingly insensitive man was always happy to listen to Sole’s problems and offer what advice he could, often suggesting that she discuss her own issues as a form of therapy. But God forbid she tries to get him to do the same. Sole sighed as she mulled over what to do, and noticed Danse’s head twitch to the side, listening, before his gaze dropped down to focus on his task.
He’s been working on that same spot for almost an hour. If it’s not out yet, I don’t think it ever will be. Sole looked around the room, trying to find something that could possibly serve as a proper distraction for Danse, and her eyes fell to the wooden stereo below the window in the living room. She had left it there because she simply didn’t have the heart to scrap the old thing. Too many good memories surrounded it. Memories of her and Nate, dancing the night away as the records spun on and on playing soft love songs until the sun rose; of her rocking Shaun in her arms as she mosied around the living room, listening to the nursery rhyme vinyls that she had received as gifts at her baby shower... But those memories, they were from another life.
Sole shook her head. This is about him, she thought, not me. I can deal with my shit later. Right now, I need to focus on Danse.
She huffed another sigh, this time a bit louder, and watched as Danse ceased his hand movements and tilted his ear towards her again.
“Is everything alright?” He turned to look at where she sat, and Sole tried to look melancholic.
“It’s just… You know… nevermind, it’s not important.” Just as she assumed he would, Danse stood up and walked inside the house, setting the piece of armor and the rag on the table, and pulled out a chair so he could sit beside her. He looked down at her hands, which rested on top of the table near her empty coffee mug. She could practically see the sweat beading on his forehead as he hesitantly brought one of his large hands to rest over the top of her own. Ever since he found out what he was, he’s been afraid to touch me. So... this is a good sign, at least.
“If something’s wrong, I want to know.” He said as he looked up to meet her gaze, his worried expression matching the concern she was feeling towards him. Sole took a breath to appear as though she was steadying herself.
“It’s just… being in this house. It’s great, I mean, it’s still my home and everything, and I don’t want to go anywhere else, but…” she trailed off, her troubled expression only half-feigned at this point, given the truth behind her words. His eyes never wavered, silently encouraging her to continue.
“Some things are harder to look at than others. And that damn stereo over there just has to be staring straight at me every time I sit down at the table, it’s the hardest one for me to see. It's just, it was a house-warming present from my parents. They gave it to me and Nate after the wedding, and now… well, there are no more records to play on it. They were all ruined, and even if they weren't, I don’t think the thing would work anyway. But every time I see it, it reminds me of the people I’ve lost. My parents… Nate… even Shaun.” Sole didn’t have to fake the tears that came unbidden to her eyes as she recalled the memories of her loved ones, and she knew Danse hadn’t missed a thing when he started rubbing her hand softly with his. They sat there in silence for a moment, as Danse tried to reassure her with his gentle touch.
Then, still remaining silent, Danse stood, reaching his hand forward to brush his thumb over Sole’s cheek, wiping away the tear that had fallen. He then turned towards the living room, but instead of going straight to the stereo, as Sole thought he might, Danse opened the side door that led to the covered driveway. She watched as he doubled back, now approaching the stereo. Sole wasn’t sure what she had expected him to do when she mentioned her problem to him; maybe offer to help her take the thing apart, or try and see if it still worked, or simply give her another perspective on how she should view the piece of 200-year-old furniture. Whatever she expected, it certainly hadn’t been this. 
Danse squatted down in front of the large wooden beast of a stereo, wrapped his broad arms almost all the way around it, and stood, lifting the whole damn thing up until he was standing completely upright with the stereo held firmly to his chest. Sole’s mouth hung open as she remained seated at the table, seemingly paralyzed by the shock of what she was witnessing, as Danse sauntered awkwardly towards the exit. A thick vein protruded from his neck as he twisted the piece of furniture to fit through the door, and made his way out into the driveway.
Sole heard a groan from outside, accompanied by the sound of something hard hitting concrete. She stood up, prepared to head outside and see what exactly he’d done with her “problem,” but before she reached the doorway, she heard him call from outside,
“You can’t still see it, can you?”
“Um… no. But Danse, is it-- I mean, are you okay? It took like, four people to bring that thing in when we first moved it to the house.” The brawny ex-soldier appeared in the doorway, his chest still heaving from the effort of wrestling the wooden monster outside. He nodded to her,
“I'm fine." He huffed, "You don’t need to go out there. I’ll take it apart later, if you’d like. Or we can store it somewhere for the time being.” She shook her head at him, a little smile touching her lips. Even after everything he’s been through, he's still always looking out for me. Even with something as small and insignificant as this.
“You know,” she said quietly, “you didn’t have to do that.” Danse looked down at his feet, seemingly searching for something to say in response.
“But thank you.” Sole finished, and his eyes came back up to meet hers. For a moment, she saw a spark return to Danse’s amber eyes as the smallest hint of a smile softened his expression, and Sole felt hope. Hope for him overcoming his grief in this time of crisis, and hope for herself in being able to move on from the memories that had kept her chained to her past for so long. Together, she felt like the two of them could overcome anything.
Deacon:
     “Yes. Two please.” Sole said as Takahashi voiced the only question he ever seemed to ask. The robot placed two bowls of scrumptious smelling power noodles in front of her, and she reached for the bag of caps hanging from her belt. As she looked down to count her money, she heard a clatter of bottlecaps hitting the counter beside her.
“Got it covered. Come on, let’s dig in.” Deacon grabbed a bowl in each hand and headed over to a couple of empty seats at the bar.
“I thought you were still trying to stay undercover?" Sole gestured to the Diamond City guard outfit that the spy donned. "Doesn’t it kinda ruin the illusion if you’re seen in public with me?” She said as she followed him over, sealing up her cap purse once again.
“What? You’ve never seen one of these guys at the noodle stand? Cuz I sure have. Just don’t talk to me, and I’ll be good.” Sole shook her head as she took a seat beside him, instantly deciding to ignore his request.
“Hey officer, I’ve got a question.” Sole swirled her chopsticks around the steaming bowl in front of her, before taking a bite.
“Yes, citizen?”
“Hold on--” she said through a mouthful of noodles.
Deacon laughed as he looked at her full mouth,
“Why--” He tried to talk through his bout of chuckling, “Why would you say you’re going to ask me a question and then take a big bite of food? What did you think would happen?”
Deacon thought he heard her tell him to ‘shut up,’ but it was hard to tell, given the noodles that filled her mouth, and the fact that she was nearly choking in her own fit of laughter.
Eventually, she managed to swallow her food successfully, and was finally able to get some words out.
"No, okay, serious question--" Deacon interrupted her with a snap of his fingers,
"Serious answer." Her genuine curiosity forced Sole to ignore him, and continue with her question.
"Tell me, why do you always pay for everything?" She asked.
"Ma'am, I am a law-abiding security officer. I always pay for the products that I intend to consume."
"I said serious, Deacon."
"Hey, shush!" He brought a hand up to Sole's mouth at the mention of his name, "What part of undercover did you not get?" She cocked a brow at his faked panic expression, noting the grin that he was trying to hide, as he lowered his head and turned back to his noodles.
"Like, okay," she continued, expanding on her inquiry, "whenever we go anywhere, you always pay for everything, and it's really odd. I've never met anyone in the wasteland who's done that, everyone's too busy trying to keep themselves alive to worry about paying for others. So, what? Are you, like, rich or something? I mean, c'mon, what's the deal? I have caps on me all the time, you know that, right?"
"Oh?" Sole saw his eyebrows rise above the tops of his sunglasses as he turned to look at her, "you don't think I'm doing this out of the goodness of my cold, black, heart, do you? No, I'm running a tab over here, honey. You owe me, big time." Sole narrowed her eyes at him, her uncertainty keeping her lips sealed.
"You mean, you didn’t know? Look, I don't know what to tell you," Deacon continued, "I thought you knew! Man, I'm glad you found out this way. Now it won't be such a rude awakening when the invoice comes."
Deacon turned back to his noodles, shaking his head at the thought. Sole's gaze bore into him, trying to figure out his level of seriousness. I really wish I was better at this. This is why I believed he was a synth for a month and a half.
"And if I don't have the money… you're not gonna call out a hit on me or anything, are you?"
“Hmm," he brought a hand to his chin, stroking his finger over it animatedly, "surely there must be some way you could pay me back…” He turned to look at her, wiggling his eyebrows as he did so, and she rolled her eyes, looking back to her noodles as she scoffed.
"Hey! What's with the face! I was talking about community service. Y'know, helping the children, and the elderly, all that good stuff. Get your mind out of the gutter, perv. And to think, I was going to have you volunteering at the children's hospital next week."
Sole instantly regretted taking another bite, as she tried desperately to fend off a fit of giggling in an effort to keep from choking again.
"I can't keep up with you Deacon," she said as she swallowed her food. "You're gonna kill me one of these days."
"Eh, don't worry, I can pay for the funeral." Sole raised a hand and shoved him in the shoulder playfully as he grinned at her.
"Okay, really, though. You do know I can pay occasionally, right?"
"Yeah, I know, I'm your partner, remember? I'm pretty much right next to you whenever you get paid.”
"So… then, why do you do it?"
"Do what?" Sole's nostrils flared at his obnoxious question.
"No? Joke didn’t land? Okay. Serious time," he flung his hands in the air as if surrendering, "I read about something… wasn't it, like, customary before the war to pay for stuff for your… friends?" Sole scrunched her eyebrows in thought,
"Friends? Not really. Significant other? Yeah, a little more common." She looked to where Deacon stared down at his noodles.
Is that, is he... blushing?
"But hey, I don't mind if you don't." She finished, tilting her head forward, in an attempt to catch Deacon's eye. She spotted a flushed little grin spread on his face, before he leaned his head back, restoring his cool composure.
"Oopsies, sorry about that, then. But I did warn you, I'm pretty new to this whole friend thing. So… you know, that's on you."
Hancock: 
     The ghoul lounged comfortably on the couch in the Old State House, idly playing with his combat knife as he waited for Sole to finish readying herself for their outing.
“Ahhh!” 
Hancock leapt from his place on the couch at the sound of Sole’s shriek, his combat knife instinctively falling into a position poised for violence.
He ran across the hall, crashing through the door and into the bedroom. Teeth bared and eyes wide, his head lashed from side to side in search of Sole’s assailant. He spotted her, cowering in the corner as she raised a shaky hand to point at the opposite side of the room.
Hancock’s glare followed Sole’s fear-stricken gaze, and he started towards the desk in the corner she had pointed to, but ultimately failed to see what it was causing her distress.
He turned back to her, an eyebrow cocked, as he raised the silent question of what had been the cause of her terror.
“On the desk!” She said, pointing towards it again, this time with greater intensity. Hancock slowly approached the corner of the room, knife still at the ready, as his eyes continued to search for any sign of… well, anything, really. An exasperated smile spread across his lips as his eyes fell to your attacker. A small, brown, spider picked its way through the objects littering the top of the desk, and Hancock had to hold back a laugh. 
“This is what had you all riled up? Oh, sweetheart, he’s just a little spider. C’mon now, he won’t hurt ya.”
“You don't know that.” She said firmly, her round eyes still trained on the desk. It had sounded like a joke, but her expression remained serious.
“Alright, you want me to get rid of him for you?” She nodded her head vigorously, and he chuckled as he turned his attention to the unsuspecting arachnid. He watched as it delicately stepped over a series of writing utensils, and Hancock frowned. Bringing his knife up to the top of the desk, he rested the flat of his blade directly in the spider’s path,
“That’s it, up you go, little guy.” He said quietly, as it stepped onto his steel vessel. Hancock twisted the knife around in his grip as the spider crawled around it, and made his way to the balcony. Once outside, he tipped his knife to the railing, encouraging the spider to crawl off the tip of the blade. Once the spider was safely making its way along the top of the railing, Hancock turned back towards the doorway.
“There,” he said, stepping back inside, “Now he can’t hurt ya, he’s all the way out there.”
“You… you didn’t kill it?” She asked, tentatively standing up.
“Nah, we only hurt the ones who hurt somebody else first, remember?”
“You don’t know that he didn’t hurt anybody.” She mumbled as Hancock sauntered over to her.
“Aw, give him a chance, maybe he can change, y’know? He doesn't really seem like the troublemaking type to me, anyhow.” He brought his hands to your waist, a smug expression playing on his face.
“Oh yeah, just like the way you always tell people you’ve changed?” She said, sliding her hands up his chest to rest them on his shoulders. “Way I see it, you’re still just as bad an influence on me as when I met you.” She said, a playful glint dancing in her eyes.
“Hmm, maybe you’re right, sunshine. Maybe I can't change any more. Maybe it's just my nature to be a bad influence on you.” He said quietly, a wolfish grin spreading across his face as he leaned into her. 
“Huh, maybe so. But bad influence or not," she pulled away from him slightly, to look up into his smoky eyes, "you really did save me back there. And, I know it seems silly... but I am grateful." His eyes softened at her little confession and, though he knew this too was silly, he couldn’t help but feel a swell in his chest at the thought of "saving" her. 
“And I’ll always be here to save you... from any spiders we happen to come across.” He pecked her lips tenderly, their close proximity practically forcing his mouth to hers. He should’ve known better, once he had a taste, he couldn’t get enough of her. 
“Even though,” He continued, as he pressed a kiss to her nose, “I’ve seen you,” then to her right cheek, “take down,” now her left, “deathclaws,” another to her jaw, “single handedly,” and now down to her neck, “I’ll be sure to handle all the unruly arachnids.” He whispered into the crook of her neck, before moving upwards again and pressing one more kiss to her forehead. He watched, grinning like an idiot in love, as a crimson flush crept up her cheeks. He wasn’t sure if it was from the embarrassment she felt regarding her phobia, or from the heat of his lips on her skin, but he decided it didn’t matter. Either way, he found it irresistibly adorable, and with that, he set his sights on her lips once more. 
MacCready: 
     MacCready sat on the floor, legs crossed, as he counted his ammunition cartridges. There were four of the .308, six of the .50, ten of the 10mm, and a few of the .38. There certainly wasn’t as much as he’d hoped there’d be, but he wasn't worried. Sole always seemed to have ammo to spare, and she wasn't stingy with it like he was. It was yet another perk to being with her.
He gathered his full magazines together near the ammo bag resting beside him, so he could begin placing them inside in preparation for their next outing.
"How are you doing over there, babe?" He asked as he stored the outlying bullets in little bags.
"I think... you know what, nevermind. I'm good." MacCready ceased his action, turning to look at where Sole knelt on the carpet of her Diamond City home. A pile of bullets and empty magazines surrounded her, the stack of seemingly full cartridges was pitifully small compared to his own.
"You, ah, need some help?"
"... No.” 
"Mmhm, okay.” he narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously, but she wouldn’t look up at him.
“Well,” he continued, “I'm going to put my full mags in the ammo bag, why don't I grab yours too." The sniper stood up, and made his way over to her, bending down to grab the cartridges that looked full.
"Wait! No, these, um, these ones aren't done yet." MacCready's eyebrows furrowed, but the shadow of a smile began to spread to his lips as he realized what was going on.
"So," he said, kneeling down so he could see her pretty little embarrassed face. "You haven't finished loading any of them?"
“No." She said quietly, refusing to meet his gaze. MacCready lowered his head so that he was looking up at her as her eyes stayed fixed on the floor. A lock of hair was draped over her forehead, obstructing his view. He reached a hand up and gently pushed it behind her ear, leaning in to give her nose a small peck with his lips.
"You want some help?" He said as Sole raised her gaze to meet his, a small blush forming on her cheeks. She didn't say anything, only nodded yes.
"Alright, you know, you could’ve just asked. I might have said ‘no’ the first time, but you know me, I eventually would’ve come around." MacCready said as he set to work with the magazines that had appeared full, but in reality, only housed half of the amount of ammunition that they could fit within them. He snickered in understanding, it really was the second half of bullets that was hard to load.
"Thank you, sweetie. You’re just so much better at it than I am." She said as she watched his practiced fingers make quick work of what probably would've taken her another hour.
"Of course... but, you are paying me for this, right?"
"Ohh, I think we might be able to work something out." She said, a sly grin playing at her lips.
He just chuckled at her words, but she could've sworn his fingers starting moving a whole lot faster at her suggestive phrasing.
Nick: 
“Tell me, why is this now a regular part of my job duties?" Ellie asked as she finished sewing up yet another tear in Nick's trench coat. "You know you're just going to end up with more holes in this coat every time you leave the office, and I don't seem to recall you ever caring about this old thing's appearance before…" she trailed off.
Nick knew that Ellie was fishing for answers. One specific one in particular, but he liked the ambiguity of the situation. It was this little game he and his secretary would play. He would leave clues here and there that pointed to the nature of his and Sole's relationship and wait to see if Ellie would say anything. All while she continued to try and force the truth from him verbally. He wasn't going to lose this round.
"What? A private detective can't keep up appearances for his clients? I think it's just good for business."
"I think it's a load of bologna. You know we gave Sole her own trench coat after she saved you, right? She could just wear her own, rather than steal yours every time you two go out on a case."
"What kinda fun would that be? I don't mind it, it's not like I get cold anyway. And the poor little lady never knows how long we're going to be gone, so I don't think it's her fault when we're out after dark and she wants to wear it."
Ellie rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh as she poked the needle back through the worn, beige fabric once again.
"She's got you so tightly wound around her finger, it's a wonder she doesn't call you 'Jared'."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I don't know, it’s something I’ve read about, I guess it was a ring shop, or a jewelry company, or something before the war. I thought it sounded clever. Just humor me, won't you?"
The synth just shook his head, uttering a low chuckle as he watched Ellie tighten the thread, forcing the last hole closed.
"There." She said, tying up the last bit of string left over, before cutting off the excess. "It's done." 
"Perfect, thanks a million, doll. I'll see you soon, I've just gotta head out for a--"
"Date?" She finished the sentence for him suggestively, raising her eyebrows in question.
"A case. We're going to head out on a case, Ellie."
"Uh huh, sure. Well, here," she handed him back the coat, "now she doesn't need to worry about the cold air seeping in through all those holes. Let me know if you want me to insulate the damn thing when winter rolls around."
Valentine smiled, an uncharacteristically goofy smile, at Ellie's words. He was so obvious, why didn't he just come clean already? 
"Will do, I’m sure she’ll enjoy that. Thanks again, Ellie. You're the best."
"And don't you forget it." She said, turning back to the mound of paperwork still on her desk beside her sewing supplies.
“Ah well, I’ll get him to admit to it one of these days.” Ellie mumbled as she began sorting through the files in front of her.
Piper:
     Piper looked up at Scarlet from the table in the corner of the Dugout Inn, 
"Yes, so I think we'll both have a nuka cola to start off. Then I'll do the crispy squirrel bits, and she'll have the Salisbury steak." Piper pointed her finger to Sole, who was busy looking down at the table, before making a last-minute decision, "Aaand you'd better bring some of those snack cakes at the end, too." 
"Hm, as usual." Scarlet chuckled at that as her pen scribbled across the notepad in her hand. 
"But that sounds good, you two. I'll have that out in just a minute." The waitress grabbed their menus, Sole reaching up to hand it to her with a smile on her face before turning to peer at her partner from across the table. She waited for Scarlet to disappear around the corner to the kitchen before speaking.
"You really don't find it annoying?" She asked. 
"What?" Piper loosened the scarf around her neck as she looked questioningly at Sole. 
"I know that I ask you to order for me whenever we go out to eat, or drink, and it's gotta be getting a little old at this point, right?" 
"No, not at all, Blue!" Piper said as she took her hat off and placed it on the table, mussing her hair a bit with one hand. "This reporter actually finds it to be pret-ty endearing. It's like, the one thing you can't do. You’re good at, like, everything else, but this I get to help you with. It's a welcome change." Piper's hands dropped to the top of the table as she began absent-mindedly fiddling with her silverware. But her eyes stayed on the woman across the table as Sole smiled at her, still appearing a little embarrassed. 
"I don't know why I can't do it," Sole tried to explain, "I've just never been able to order for myself, even before the war. Just one of those bizarre anxiety things, I guess."
"Well, like I said, I don’t mind at all. In fact, I think it's cute." 
 Preston:
     Sole approached her Lieutenant, shaking her head at him, and she saw him sigh.
“No, the river just keeps going until it reaches a ravine." She told him, "And it’s too steep to climb down. Any luck on your end?”
“Hmm, not really. It's a little more shallow upstream, but it’s still about ten feet wide.”
“Damn.” She said, “We need to get across.” A settlement had sent a distress call across radio freedom almost an hour ago, if Sole and Preston took any longer, they might be too late.
“I guess we’ll just have to go for it.” She said, her face painting a picture of clear disgust at the thought of wading through the murky water.
“Well, let’s at least head upstream a bit. To the shallow part.”
“Okay.” Sole said begrudgingly, her footsteps unconsciously heavy as she followed her companion to the shallow part. Not shallow enough, I bet.
And she was right. As the pair arrived, Preston turned to Sole to gauge her reaction, noticing the way her nose wrinkled at the sight of the brown, swirling water.
Preston heaved a sigh, and started forward. Before he reached the waterline, he turned to see Sole still standing back, feet seemingly glued to the muddy ground. He couldn’t help but smile sympathetically at her, eyebrows creasing upwards as he watched her eyes look longingly at the far shore.
“Come here.” He said.
“I know, I know. Just start going, I’ll follow.” Preston chuckled at the exasperation in her voice. Instead of repeating his command, he simply walked over to her as her eyes remained locked on the other side of the river, when he reached her, he slowly pressed his hand to the small of her back.
“Hey, what are you--?” Before Sole could finish her question, Preston had scooped her up into his arms, bridal style. She let out a squeak of surprise, and he couldn’t keep himself from grinning.
“Is this okay? He asked, the brim of his hat pressing against Sole’s forehead as he looked at her.
“A warning would’ve been nice.” Preston laughed, shaking his head as he adjusted his grip on her, ensuring she was secure before making his way towards the river.
“Hold onto me.” He said, and Sole wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders.
“Ready?” Sole nodded to him, and Preston took a step forward, frigid water seeping in through his boots as he waded in.
“Wait, are you sure you want to do this?” She said, her eyes trained on the river as it raised up to Preston’s knees.
“I might be wrong, General, but I think I already am.” He said, the amusement in his voice faint as he gritted his teeth against the cold.
She felt his body shutter as he continued forward, the water reaching up almost to his waist, as he held Sole up higher to ensure it wouldn’t reach her. She let out a small sigh of relief as they reached the end of the channel. The water became more shallow, and Preston quickened his pace with each step that brought him closer to their destination.
Once completely out of the water, and past the muddy shoreline, Preston finally set Sole down gently. As her feet touched the ground, Sole kept her arms wound about Preston’s neck.
“Thank you, love.” She said, her voice soft as she addressed him as her partner rather than her Lieutenant.
“It was my pleasure, m’lady.” He said, briefly removing his hat from his head as he did so. Sole smiled at him warmly, but detected the faint chattering of his teeth, and when she looked down, she couldn’t help but notice the goosebumps littering his skin. 
“Oh, Preston…” Sole said as she pressed herself to him, rubbing her hands against his back and arms quickly, in an attempt to warm him with her friction. She felt hot air wash over her neck as he released a shaky breath of relief, leaning into her touch. The pair stood there for a moment, Preston syphoning off Sole’s warmth as she tried to repay him for his earlier act of kindness. Her hands slowed from her vigorous rubbing to a more tender sort of touch, before Preston’s head shot up.
“Shit, Sole, the settlement! We’ve got to move!”
X6-88: 
     This had become a common routine of theirs, and X6 wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about it. Every time they were in Sole’s Diamond City home, she would insist on making dinner for the two of them. That, X6 didn’t mind too much; although, after consuming nothing but food supplements in the Institute for so long, it did take some getting used to. But eating the food wasn’t the issue, it was the making of it that had him perplexed. 
As far as he knew, Sole had been the one to install the shelves in her kitchen; and yet, every time she was in need of a spice of some sort, or a condiment, or one of her dishes, she would ask X6 for assistance, given that the shelves were apparently too high for her to reach. Why Sole continued to store her items on the too-tall shelves, he couldn’t begin to guess. But here she went again, asking him to reach for the box of blamco mac n’ cheese on the top shelf, the highest one, one that he could barely even reach. X6 decided it was time to voice his confusion.
“Ma’am?”
“Yes?” She asked distractedly as she focused on the strength of the flame burning on her stove.
“Why do you use these shelves?”
“What else would I use, silly?” X6 scrunched up his face at that, trying to hold back a verbal scoff at her wording.
“Would you rather I just store everything on the floor?”
“Well, no. That would… hardly be sanitary.” He wasn’t sure if she was joking with him or not. Did she think he was joking with her?
“Why do you ask, X?” She grabbed the box from his hand as he extended it towards her, and began tearing at the top of it with her finger.
“Well, it seems nonsensical to me, for you to continue placing all of your items out of your reach. What happens if I’m not here?” Sole placed a saucepan filled with water over the stove and turned to look at him.
“But you are here.” she said, shrugging, “What? Don’t you like helping me out in the kitchen?”
X6 blinked. What the hell did this have to do with what he liked?
“Well… I don’t dislike it. I’m just having trouble with-- I don’t-- I just... do you want me to fix the shelves so they are the right height for you?”
“No, I like them the way they are.”
X6 felt his eye twitch from beneath his shades. Confusion built up inside him, making the courser feel as though he might explode.
“Ma’am--” His voice faltered as he realized he didn’t know what else to say.
“I know they’re not practical, X. But you can reach them, and I like that about them. Even when I’m here alone, the fact that I can’t make dinner without you makes me smile.” X6 furrowed his eyebrows. That explanation didn’t help at all.
“Don’t you get hungry?”
“I'm not completely helpless, you know, I can usually figure something out.” She attempted to look annoyed at his question, but her grin gave her away. X6 narrowed his eyes at her, still not completely satisfied with the way the conversation had gone. He was still just as confused as he was before.
“Huh.” He said, mulling over all she had said on the subject. “Perhaps... in that case, we should ensure that I am by your side for any missions near Diamond City. That way, I can be sure the future director of the Institute doesn’t go hungry.”
“Well, if you think that’s necessary, who am I to argue?” The left side of X6’s lip tilted upwards in an expression of amusement, and Sole openly smiled at him, laughing a little to herself as she turned her attention back to the boiling water on the stove.
“Can you hand me the pepper mill? Second shelf.”
“I know which shelf. But yes, I can.” He said, turning around to grab it, as Sole continued grinning to herself.
Now I just have to make sure he never looks under my bed. Sole thought. If X6 ever found the step stool she had hidden there, what would happen to her kitchen helper?
321 notes · View notes
mercy-burning · 3 years
Text
Second Nature
Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Spencer and Reader share some realizations after one of them has been kidnapped. Category: FLUFF + ADDITIONAL SMUT ENDING (18+) Warnings: Language, brief mentions of kidnapping and injury, bruising, sex (penetrative sex, protected sex, dirty talk, lowkey hand kink—i’m not sorry) Word Count: 6.1k
Full Request: “...Congratulations on your 1k! I have  request for your celebration, if possible. Spencer/Fem Reader. Post prison Spencer, instead of him being taken by the cult, the reader is, making hi realize that she’s Love of life and they get together. Smut,preferred, if possible. Thank you.” — @dreatine 
NOTE: I had a little conversation with @ssa-m-187 about a post which discussed that trope where Person A caresses Person B’s cheek, and then Person A leans into their touch and holds their arm to keep them there for comfort.. I mentioned that I might add it into one of my requests, and this is where it ended up! 😂❤
I also decided to add an alternate/additional smut ending in case anyone wanted only the fluff. It will be clearly marked when the smut starts if you choose not to read it!
MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST
***
Nothing bad ever happened to her. Spencer wished that was an exaggeration but it wasn't. In all the years he'd known Y/N, she was never kidnapped, no one she loved ever got kidnapped, and she never even got sick. Her moods were always visibly happy, no one had ever seen her with so much as a sprained ankle, and even bad hair days always seemed to escape her grasp.
So naturally, when she got taken by Ben's Believers, it came as no shock that Spencer was losing his mind.
Everyone kept telling him that they'd get her back, and that they all knew what to do, but it didn't stop the sinking feeling that weighed his heart down, far away from the surface where she was safe and waiting for him.
Guess it's safe to say, this whole situation stirred up some feelings he hadn't even known existed.
The first thing that came to his mind, aside from the initial shock of her being gone, was the first moment they met.
Y/N and Ashley Seaver had both been added to the team around the same time, and after losing Emily, the three of them had practically become inseparable. But that first meeting, the very second he laid eyes on her, it was something purely magical.
She was trying to open a jar of pickles in the break room, breathy and aggravated curses spilling from her mouth as if she were a sailor.
"Do you need any help?" Spencer asked, not intending to scare her.
But alas, she jumped, dropping the jar of pickles and causing it to shatter everywhere. "Shit!"
He offered to help clean it up, and she accepted, sighing about how everything she had was going to smell like pickles for at least a week. And once everything was picked up, she grabbed a pickle that had landed on the counter and took a bite, promptly saying, "Well, at least I got it open," with a mouth-full of pickle. "Thanks for scaring me, bud."
It was amusing to say the least.
And every time they'd gone out for food since then, Spencer made sure to order something with a pickle every time, just so he could offer it to her and hear her laugh about that day. Every time, she mirrored that moment, taking a bite and saying, "Thanks, bud."
Of course, back then he hadn't realized he did it because he liked her. He just thought it was nice to see her smile, to hear her laugh. That's what friends did, right? Made each other laugh?
That's what kept him going as they searched high and low for answers to get her back. Her laugh. It was there, replaying on a loop in his brain as if he could ever forget it.
And when he got her back, he vowed to make sure he made her laugh for the rest of time.
When they knew where to find Y/N, Spencer made it his mission to be the one who got her out of there. He wanted to be the one she saw when she was being rescued. He wanted to be the one who made sure she was finally safe again and out of harm's way.
And most importantly he wanted to tell her that he loved her. And he didn't want to spend another day without being next to her.
But first he had to get her out of there.
The second he saw her, it was like everything moved in slow motion. She was strapped to some type of mechanism that kept her hands at her sides and her head facing forward. And despite the fact that she'd never been held hostage, she looked very calm. She looked like exactly what the cult wanted her to be: a sacrifice.
It made Spencer's stomach churn. And it felt even worse when they moved in. Because everyone was getting down, and the cult leader jumped for Y/N, striking to kill.
The gunshot stunned him. He stopped in his tracks, hoping and praying that she wouldn't be hurt, and for one final time before he actually moved, he replayed her laugh in his mind. He briefly held on to the image of Y/N smiling at him without a care in the world before he inevitably saw her face to face for the first time in days, most likely without said smile.
But of course, the second it was safe and he ran to her side, she looked up at him and smiled anyway.
As Emily got the final restraints off of her, Spencer took a huge sigh of relief and welcomed Y/N into his embrace.
"Hey, bud," she breathed into his neck, letting him squeeze her tightly. He could practically feel her smile burning into his skin, tattooing itself there for all the world to see, and he squeezed her tighter, thinking of how he wouldn't have it any other way.
They clung to one another the whole plane ride home, curled up into each other and falling asleep after all the stress they'd been under. And it was no surprise to anyone that they even held hands while they did.
Y/N dreamt of him the entire time.
Specifically, she was remembering the day she almost quit. It would have surprised anyone to know she'd felt that way considering she never let her bad days show. But in those particular few months, she had really missed her family—and Ashley,—the cases were getting more and more stressful, and it all seemed to really take a toll on her emotionally.
But that one fateful day, she walked into the round table room, expecting to find no one since she always showed up early, and instead she found Spencer with a large wicker basket.
"What are you doing here so early?" Y/N asked, raising an eyebrow.
He smiled shyly. "Oh, um... I know your birthday was last week, and I feel bad I missed it since I was visiting my mom, so... I wanted to celebrate with you when we had a little bit of time."
He handed her the basket, and she marveled at all its contents, ranging from a few of her favorite books in different copies she hadn't owned, an array of her favorite candies, and most exciting, a jar of pickles.
"Oh, before you break the jar, I have something else for you," he said with a small laugh, pulling something out of his jacket pocket. "I've read that these are good for helping you open jars, and I even got myself one because we all know you're way stronger than me, so if you can't open a jar of pickles, I probably couldn't either..."
She would never know this, but in that moment he was kicking himself for being so awkward, even though the two of them had been friends for years. And he'd never know, but she hadn't even recognized it as awkward. She was incredibly thankful and endeared by his thinking of her, and it was the one thing that made her realize she could never quit her job.
She loved him too much too leave.
So she didn't. That morning she'd been planning on telling everyone her plans to find another job somewhere else, maybe closer to her family, and that night she walked out of the office feeling loved and thankful for her friends, and one friend in particular.
Currently, said friend was sitting quietly in the parking lot of her apartment while she dug up the courage to ask him inside for the night. Her plans consisted of sleeping in for as long as she needed thanks to a well-deserved few days off of work, and though Spencer would most likely return earlier, she desperately hoped she could convince him to stay.
It was quiet for a while and the lights in the car had long since turned off, leaving them in darkness as well as silence. Despite that fact, it wasn't eerie in the slightest... It was comfortable.
Even more so when Y/N reached over and grabbed his hand.
And then she spoke.
"Can... Can you stay? I'm fine, I promise, I just... I could really use some company, you know?"
"Of course," he answered almost too quickly. It made her laugh, and though it was small, he felt a weight lift off his chest at the sound.
The two of them walked up to her apartment in more of that comfortable, dark silence. The only light source to be found was within the dim lights of the hallway, though they'd made the walk so many times it was like second nature.
That familiarity followed them through her doorway, Y/N taking off her jacket and instinctively handing it over with her to-go bag, where Spencer's arms were already outstretched. He took them and removed his shoes, then transported their belongings to the chair in the corner of her living room, maybe five or six steps ahead from the entryway.
Y/N took a large breath and smiled as she flipped on the lights.
Spencer noticed, turning to her with a smile of his own. "Good to be home?"
"Mhm," she responded with a nod. "But you know what would make it even better?"
The knowing smile they shared brought warmth to her chest as he made his way to the kitchen, saying, "Peppermint hot chocolate, coming right up."
As her best friend made noise in the kitchen, Y/N padded over to her couch, flipping on the table lamp next to it and sitting down with an over-exaggerated humph. Her legs curled off to the side as she leaned against the armrest, taking a deep breath and breathing in the warm comfort of home, only amplified a little while later by the aroma of soft peppermint.
She could hear Spencer humming quietly to himself in the kitchen, the sound bringing a smile to her face. He always absentmindedly hummed her favorite song when he was making them food or something to drink, or even when they were just hanging out together in comfortable silence. She wondered often if he ever sang it to himself when he was alone.
And she was going to ask, but before she got the chance, he came up behind her with two mugs of hot chocolate. She took hers gladly with a smile that perfectly matched the warmth of the mug. And while she took the first sip as he walked around the couch and took his regular spot on the cushion next to hers, that warmth spread to her chest. She sunk into the couch as her eyes fluttered closed.
Beside her she could hear Spencer laugh. "That good, huh?"
"You're an expert hot chocolate maker, don't let anyone tell you any different."
Another laugh came from him, and the sound bought warmth to other places.
They sipped their hot chocolate together, once again basked in silence that was only disrupted by the distinct ticking of Y/N's cuckoo clock, a Christmas gift from Spencer one year after she'd mentioned how much she was oddly fascinated by them. It sat on the wall across from them, next to the TV and right above a DVD rack with her favorite movies. She stared at the clock fondly as she drank her way through the hot chocolate, and Spencer did the same.
Eventually they were out, and once their mugs were placed on either side table, they found themselves turning to each other with more of that second nature pulling them together like the moon pulling the ocean. Once their knees touched it was like the ocean dragged them under, only rather than suffocating, they found themselves breathing easier, like they were finally at peace.
The clock rung out, and only after it finished echoing did Spencer initiate conversation. He examined the bruise right under her eye, and once again the gravitational pull was too much, his hand reaching out to touch it with curiosity as well as concern. "Are you feeling alright? Do you need some ice or anything?" he asked softly.
Y/N felt her heart stutter at the featherlight touch of his fingertips, and despite herself, she blushed. "No, I'm okay. Better now that I'm home. With you."
His eyes flicked up to meet hers at her words, and the softness and genuine relief he found in them made him melt.
He moved to take his hand away, but Y/N reached up and gently grabbed his wrist, bringing it back to her face pacing his palm firmly against the whole surface of her cheek. He watched lovingly as she closed her eyes and leaned into his hand further, bringing her hand to wrap around his forearm and hold him there. And in that moment, he had to wonder if she could hear the loud, intense beating of his heart as it drowned out the clock's ticking.
"I... I was so scared," Y/N whispered, keeping her eyes closed. "I mean... In the back of my mind I knew you guys would come for me, but... That was... my first time ever being in a hostage situation by myself, let alone at all, and I..." She paused, stumbling on her words before exhaling a breathy laugh. "Those people were creepy."
Spencer laughed with her, his hand still resting on her face. When she finally did open her eyes again, she looked up at him through her eyelashes, and in that moment she looked so soft and vulnerable that he couldn't help but finally tell the truth.
In a whisper so soft she almost didn't hear it, he confessed, "I was so afraid that I lost you..."
"Yeah, but... You found me," she returned with a smile as she nuzzled into his hand further. "You always do."
Something in the way she said it made him bolder, and he realized then that that's what she always did.
She strengthened him, made him more bold and determined... And she gave him something to hold onto when he was lost. When things felt impossible, Y/N always said the one thing that put him back together and made him feel whole again, whether it was a few sentences, or in this case three little words: "You always do."
Completing him was her second nature, something he wasn't even sure she was aware of.
But now that he knew, he had to tell her.
"Y/n..." Spencer traced his thumb along the underside of her bottom lip, and he could have swore he felt her sigh out. He stayed paused, reveling in the way he seemed to have an effect on her, his thumb longing to slide further and trace her entire mouth.
Nevertheless, he continued. "You are... Everything to me. And I don't tell you very often how much your friendship means to me, but I... I can't keep going forward without you knowing just how much I care about you. Really, it..." He huffed a laugh, hoping he wasn't making an utter fool of himself and that she wouldn't push him away at this confession that was dying to escape. "It's embarrassing how much I love you."
He couldn't tell if it was exhaustion taking hold of him, or the relief he felt at finally getting that off his chest, but he held his breath as he studied her eyes, which were glassy like she was on the verge of tears. Her grip around his forearm tightened and she turned, kissing the inside of his palm and keeping her lips pressed there for what felt like forever, until he started to feel his skin go numb. Realistically he knew it was only a trick on the brain, how such a simple affectionate gesture like that had the most heart-swelling and mind-numbing effects on him because of how much he loved her.
But damn it, he didn't care.
She murmured his name into his palm, and her eyes flicked up to meet his again. That's when he noticed a tear fall from her eye and down her cheek, right into the side of his thumb.
Finally, she responded, "I love you, too, Spencer. I... I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to tell you, but... After what just happened, I don't know if I could ever spend another day without loving you."
His heart absolutely burst at the seams, warmer than before, and most certainly not from the hot chocolate. That warmth only spread, turning into a raging wildfire when she let go of his hand and moved forward, practically tackling him and wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him and pressing her face to the crook of his neck. His arms wrapped around her back, hugging her close as she straddled him and continued to nuzzle into his skin, his presence...
They held each other like that for a good minute before Y/N finally gained the courage to pull back and look into his eyes. They were just as glassy as hers, just as filled with love and comfort and home as she could ever have dreamed. Her hands slid down to rest on his shoulders for a moment before one of them cradled his face.
And then she kissed him.
She knew he loved her, he told her as much, but in case this was already going too far, Y/N kept it light and hesitant, desperately hoping it wouldn't make things weird.
But of course, there was nothing to worry about. And Spencer showed her that as his lips pressed deeper into hers, his hands on her back pushing her closer to him and seeking as much contact as possible.
She brought both of her hands to gently run through his hair, and at the sigh he let out against her mouth, Y/N tugged harder, pulling herself up so she could get into a better, more comfortable position on his lap.
They shared peppermint hot chocolate kisses until the clock rung out again, both of them pulling away with a little surprise.
"Has it really been an hour since it last went off?" Y/N mused in a whisper, taking in the swollen state of Spencer's mouth. The sight sent a course of butterflies through her stomach.
"I guess it has... It's um... It's late, maybe we should get some sleep."
"Only if you come with me," Y/N offered, running her fingers through his hair once more.
Spencer nodded with a small smile, his thumb tracing the bottom of her chin. "Of course."
They pulled themselves off the couch and, hand-in-hand, navigated their way to her bedroom. And even though they'd never actually done it before, sleeping in her bedroom together, the whole journey was so familiar it was like they'd done it a million times over.
SMUT ENDING BELOW
Y/N didn't know what time it was, only that the sun was brightly peeking through her sheer curtains, basking her bedroom in a warm glow that made it almost impossible to be comfortable under the covers. When she moved to take them off of her, she felt a hand snake around her waist, pressing firmly against her lower stomach and holding her in place.
"Are you awake?" she asked aloud to the air, softly in case Spencer was, in fact, still asleep.
"Mhm," he mumbled behind her, his breath softly fanning out across her shoulder. "Have been for about an hour."
"You could have woke me up," she said, turning around to face him. His hand lifted and then settled on her shoulder when she was in position.
"You deserved the rest," is all he offered in explanation as his hand gently brushed the hair from her shoulder. It tickled as it fell behind her, dropping off her body and across the back of her neck. Spencer trailed his fingers lightly up her neck until they reached her ear, and then he trailed them back down and over the curve of her shoulder, and then down her arm. He continued this and smiled as he took notice of the goosebumps that formed all over her skin. The thin tank top she'd changed into before bed left most of her exposed, each little freckle and hair that adorned her skin on display in the warm sunlight.
Meanwhile she smiled, heat slowly rising to her cheeks as she recalled their kisses on the couch. Needless to say, her dreams that night were rather scandalous, something she wasn't unfamiliar with, though given these new circumstances she was more than a little hot right now.
Spencer noticed, his hand halting its movement on her skin and resting itself on her waist over the blanket. "You're thinking about it, too? Last night?"
Y/N looked him in the eye and swore she saw them dilate when she responded. "Yeah. Among other things..."
"What... kind of other things?"
She would have told him, but since it was obvious they were both feeling the heat she bit her lip instead, a teasing look in her eye. "You're a smart man. You tell me."
"What if I... show you instead?" he whispered, his voice broken and obviously a little shocked that this was finally going to happen.
"Take it away, Doc."
His first kiss was sweet, reminiscent of the first one they shared on the couch, and his second was a little deeper. Y/N gave her stamp of approval by sighing, bringing a hand up to play with his hair again, and it was the trigger that shot him forward, his lips working hers with more passionate, methodical precision. Meanwhile his hand dipped under the covers and pressed firmly at her back, slipping under her shirt and bringing her closer.
She wrapped her leg over his waist, pulling herself forward to get as much contact as she could while he swiped over her bottom lip with his tongue. The small whimper she let out at his kisses made his hips buck forward involuntarily, to which Y/N clenched her leg tighter around his waist and tugged a little harder at his hair.
He tipped them over then, rolling so that he was hovering over her while their kisses only grew needier. His hand slipped under her shirt, feeling the expanse of her stomach and her sides. The low hum that came from her throat at his touches drove him half wild, so he boldened them, slowly sliding up and up until he reached her bare breasts. Her legs came out immediately and hooked themselves around the back of his thighs as she whined at his touch.
With curious kneads of her chest and even more exploratory kisses that were reciprocated with an equal hunger and passion, it didn't take long for Spencer to feel his insides churn with a desire that could possibly never be satiated. Even if Y/N was the one who kept him whole, he also knew she would be the one to completely wreck him to pieces. He'd rarely ever felt this type of desire before, especially not towards someone who took up every crack and crevice of his mind at any given moment. And now that he had it, he never wanted to let it go. She was going to utterly ruin him, and he'd never been more welcoming to that type of damnation—the type that was also his salvation.
Because she was everything all at once, devastatingly beautiful in every imaginable way.
Her hands tugged at his tee shirt, punctuating her urgency with a needy little whine into his mouth. He pulled back then, tugging off his shirt at the expense of taking his hands away from her. But from his higher position now, he took her in in all her wild glory, lips swollen and a little red, hair splayed out across the pillows, and her breathing visibly heavy. Even with the bruise under her eyes, she was the most breathtaking person he'd ever seen. She marveled up at him, willing her gaze to trail down his chest and stomach, her bottom lip tucking itself gently between her teeth as she stared at where his sweatpants hung low on his hips.
Y/N reached out and grazed her middle finger across the waistband of his pants, gently feeling the fabric and his skin at the same time. He was still, continuing to watch her explore his body the way he'd done hers, always amazed at the curious look in her eye— the one that was now swimming in a pool of lust. Her hand trailed upwards, feeling the soft planes of his torso until she couldn't reach any higher.
"Having fun?" Spencer mused with a smile as she rested both her hands on either side of his waist.
She sat up then, pressing a kiss to his neck while her hands travelled south, under the waistband of his pants. He sucked in a breath as she palmed him through his underwear, gently nipping his shoulder before she answered. "Oh, I'm having so much fun."
He was going to say something, but words escaped him as she sat up on her knees and continued tracing the outline of his dick through his underwear. He was painfully hard in an instant, a fact at which Y/N gave a low, amused laugh. Once she found the underside of his tip, she gently rubbed it through the fabric with her thumb, and the broken whine that he let out delighted her in every way. Her tongue traced his collarbone and the contours of his shoulders and neck until she reached his jawline. She licked him there too, humming as her thumb worked faster at his dick.
"Mmm, I've wanted this for so long," she told him softly, bringing her lips up to his ear. "Do you know how many times I've thought about us? Dreamed about us?"
"Not as many as me, probably," he choked out with a small laugh, audibly trying to keep it together as his stomach burned with every languid stroke of her thumb over his most sensitive point.
Y/N returned his laugh and sensually kissed his jaw before saying, "I doubt that." Then she dragged her mouth up to his lips and brought her hand out of his pants so she could thread all her fingers through his hair. Though they were kneeling, he was still taller than her, so his hard erection pressed firmly against her stomach as he brought her closer, gripping her hips and melting into her.
When his right hand slipped into her sleep shorts, she whined out and pressed herself harder against him, reveling in the way the heat from his hand practically burned into her ass. He kneaded her there as well, groaning into her mouth when she tugged on his hair and turned her head to deepen their kiss.
It was obvious that she was trying to feel some type of friction— her knees were willing her to get up higher, to feel him hard against her, but alas she wasn't able to reach. She showed her frustration by whining into his mouth and trying to pull herself up, the pressure of her arms around his neck getting stronger with every passing second.
"Spencer pulled away laughing a little, removing his hand from her shorts and bringing it to the front, dragging along the inside of her thigh. "Is there something you want from me, pretty girl?"
The nickname sent a fire through her veins that set off every smoke detector in her brain, the alarm coming out in the form of a whimper. "I want to feel you inside me," she whispered, nuzzling her nose to his and reaching down to guide his hand farther up. When his middle finger breached the fabric of her shorts, she whimpered again, willing herself closer to him. "Please, Spencer."
He hummed lowly, drawing circles into her skin. "Are you prepared? Like, do you... have condoms or anything, do we need one?"
"I have some in my top drawer if you want me to get it," she said quickly with a nod.
He laughed a little, amused at her eagerness, before pulling away from her and helping her off the bed. Once she was feet-first on the ground, she strode over to the dresser where she opened a small drawer on the top left and rummaged through it. Meanwhile Spencer followed her and came up behind her, pressing his front to her backside and making her tense. He brushed her hair aside and brought his lips to her neck, his hands resting at her waist.
She slowly rolled her hips against him, sighing out when his hands gripped her tighter. One of them slipped down into her shorts again, this time coming around front and resting over her clothed pussy. His fingers explored her like hers had explored him, teasing her in the same way that made her want to burst into flames.
"So wet already, pretty girl..." he mused, sighing and attacking her neck with more kisses. "I bet I'll be able to just slide right in..."
She outwardly moaned this time, clutching a condom in her hand and then slamming the drawer shut. "Alright then, Mr. PhD, why don't you put that theory to the test?"
He loved how eager she was, and a little impatient. Something told him that if he teased her enough, she might have just begged him for anything. But he didn't want to do that right now. No, right now he was planning on showing the love of his life just how much she meant to him. He was going to give her everything he had, and then some.
So he turned her around and kissed her, walking them backwards until his legs hit the foot of the bed. He almost went down, but before he could, he turned them around again. Y/N's body hit the bed, her legs immediately opening for him to stand between them. Rather than leaning down to kiss her again though, Spencer ran his hands tugged lightly at her shorts, to which Y/N gladly lifted her hips and allowed him to pull them off. Her underwear weren't too far behind, and then she lifted her shirt over her head, tossing it aside and leaning back on her elbows.
Seeing her fully bare like this was enough to drive him mad, but he held on, spreading her knees apart and sliding his hands along the insides of her thighs. "Y/N, you're perfect..." As he marveled at her and showered her with love and praise, he slid his hands further and further up her body until they reached her arms.
She helped him remove his pants and underwear, and once they were off, Y/N tore open the condom and handed it to him. He rolled it on and then leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. Then her temple, then her cheek... Then he pressed the softest kiss to her lips and looked her in the eyes. "You really want to?"
She smiled at him and nodded, bringing one of his hands to her entrance and pressing his fingers to the wetness that pooled there. "You feel how bad I want it?"
He groaned and kissed her then, circling his middle finger over her clit and making her cry out against him. After a few more seconds of this, Spencer positioned them at the head of the bed and angled his hips forward, the head of his dick coming in contact with her pussy.
He slid in slowly, reveling in every pure, blissful second that went by as he gradually became completely enveloped in her. Once he was buried to the hilt, Y/N threw her head back and bit her lip, her hands reaching out to play with his hair again. He ground himself into her for a few seconds before pulling back and then starting a slow, steady rhythm.
"God, Y/N, you feel so good... So... perfect for me."
"Funny, I was just going to say the same thing about you," she breathed. Her eyes trained themselves on his, and though there was a lot of love there, she saw something else that she recognized, something hesitant. It was close to the same look he gave her last night, after she'd explained to him that she was fine after he examined her injury.
He was going easy on her. But she wanted more.
Y/N reached up to tug his hair gently, biting her lip and batting her eyes. "I'm not made of glass you know... You can fuck me harder if you want to."
Everything from the look on her face to the way she said it to the way she clenched around him as she did made him half feral. He smirked at her without thinking, a natural reaction to her challenge. "Oh, you like it a little rough, huh?"
She smirked back at him and nodded, tugging his hair harder. "Uh huh."
Though he started fucking into her harder, his pace remained slow,  accentuating each rough thrust with a huff through his nose. Y/N's mouth opened involuntarily, the power of his movements rendering her almost speechless. Eventually though, she let out one large moan as her fingers even further tightened their grip in Spencer's hair.
Taking note of her reactions, he felt pleased with himself. "You like that, don't you, pretty girl? You like it hard and deep..."
Her hands dropped from his head and rested at the sheets, gripping them instead as he worked his hips a little faster. "Y—yes, baby, I fucking love how hard you fuck me."
The words tumbled out of their mouths so easily, each syllable spoken with the right amount of lust and truth, it was like their conversation was a dance. Their bodies and their words melded together in a perfect number that brought them further towards the climax.
But, as every dance does, their needed a little flourish.
Spencer reached out and caressed her cheek again, his thumb going straight to her lips. Y/N opened her mouth and sucked it in, swirling her tongue around it and groaning at the way he bit his lip when she did so.
"Fuck, pretty girl, you're gonna ruin me if you keep that up."
She smiled at his words, which allowed him to press his thumb flat down onto her tongue. Her mouth remained open as he held it there, her pants and moans coming out clear as day. And as if that wasn't hot enough, she batted her eyelashes up at him, and he fucked her even faster, both of them starting to feel the signs of impending orgasm.
He could have kept his thumb in her mouth forever, but to aid her in pleasure, he removed it, dragging it down her chin before bringing it to her clit and rubbing in tight circles.
"Fuck, Spence, that's it," Y/N moaned, looking down between their bodies and almost losing it at the sight that beheld her. "Don't stop, don't fucking stop!"
He leaned forward to kiss her then, the new angle finally bringing her over the edge. She cried out into his mouth as it explored her own, soaking up all the sounds she made and using them to fuel his own release.
They came together, and it felt  like years of tension and anticipation and love finally culminated into one giant explosion that enveloped them whole. It felt like, for a moment, nothing else in the world existed, only Spencer, Y/N, and their palpable connection that felt very much like a home in and of itself.
Even as they came down, their breathing slowing down and their touches becoming gentler, that explosion quieted right alongside them, an echo of love and warmth lingering in its wake.
Spencer pulled out and laid beside her, reaching out and gently touching the bruise under her eye. "You okay?"
She couldn't help but laugh. "Yes. I'm more than okay... I'm perfect."
He smiled at her, pure, true comfort settling in his bones. It was a rare feeling, but he was glad that it came with her presence. "Me, too. And I... I meant what I said last night, Y/N, I... I love you. More than words could accurately describe."
Her heart swelled at his words. "I love you, too, bud. More than anything in the world."
He contemplated for a minute, a smile forming as he said his next words. "More than pickles?"
Y/N threw her head back in a boisterous laugh that made Spencer's heart beat a little faster, before playfully hitting his harm and snuggling up next to him. "Yes, definitely more than pickles."
"Good. That would have been embarrassing."
"I don't love you more than peppermint hot chocolate, though. Or that cuckoo clock."
Spencer pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Yeah, but I got you those things, so technically that means you have to love me at least as much as them..."
"Okay. That's fair, I'll give you that one."
With an over-exaggerated, "Phew," Spencer smiled and pulled her closer, the warm sunlight from the windows giving him the most clear view of their legs tangled together over her lavender-colored comforter. It was so domestic, so perfect and loving and real that he never wanted to forget it.
He was thankful that he never would.
***
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cosmiclatte28 · 3 years
Text
Friendship, Love, Courage
MY FIRST EVER COLLAB!! HOSTED BY THE WONDERFUL @danishmiilk
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Characters: Renjun x reader, NoMin!
Fluff romance
Warning : mentions of “stealing”, quite a broken trust but its ending nicely
TW : Stress (?)
HERE WE GO!! I worked so hard on this (even had 2 other friends checked on this and they approved this thanks to both of you #they’re_not_in_tumblr
word count : 12 pages idk how much but come on finish it for me 🥺🥺🥺 thanks
tagging @yutahoes @neopalette @full-hd-sun @swagmonsterofficial @nini-eexxo @hen-marks99 At this point I'm just tagging my moots coz this was my first attempt of collab and i deadass worked so hard on this... it better be read by someone even if they don't like it but they read it 🤭💖 @superm-net @multifandomnet @trashlord-007 @ahsshilee-me @charmingyong
You smile shyly when the cute prefect in blue robe tosses a small smile to you when you pass by him on the moving stairs. He continues his tour of guiding the new wizards and witches into the magical castle, telling them stories, showing them the common room, and helping them adjust to the new living area.
You gasp when you feel a slap on your shoulder, quickly you turn your head to face the now annoyed friend standing beside you.
“Really (y/n)? You’re once again frozen in place when that honey boy you adore walks by.” Jaemin, in his green robe, slicks his blonde hair away while throwing some flirty smile to the younger girls passing by the two of you. They chuckle and blush at his action, unaware of the fact that Na Jaemin already has his eyes on someone.
You glare at him, quickly covering his mouth before catching attention of the living paintings hung on the walls. No, not even the paintings should know about your feelings to that cute Ravenclaw prefect.
“Shut that big mouth of yours please. Don’t you know the walls have ears here?!” you dust off your red robe and continue walking to the dining hall. Shaking aside the cute smile of Huang Renjun away from your head. You’ve met Renjun from the first day of school, he was pure blood with the Hatstall incident at his sorting ceremony. The sorting hat spent a good five minutes pondering if he should be in Ravenclaw or Slytherin. Alas the house of the witty won the cute half-blood. As much as you wish to get sorted into the same house as his (mainly because he is cute), once the hat is on, it sorted you to the house of the brave. You’re still happy though to be one of the brilliant half-bloods in the Gryffindor house.
Renjun was very nice of you, when you first felt lonely in the big school (funny how you, a Gryffindor can feel lonely eh? But that’s your life). When you were struggling to find your way through the halls you had to thank Renjun for accompanying you whenever you had to move classes. But your relationship with him is purely just as close as a stranger. Renjun never sits beside you, nor does he hang out with you, he sits with his own smart gang. For two years he purely just helped you get around the halls. Instead of befriending Renjun, you become friends with the two wizards in your batch, the generous Hufflepuff who helps you ace your Herbology class: Lee Jeno. He is your first bestie, and since he enjoys your loud and fun personality, he calls you one of his friends.
The handsome blonde in green robe by your side earlier is your other best friend, Na Jaemin. A pureblood descending from the Slytherin family. You don’t know how Jaemin wants to be friends with you, a Gryffindor, but here you are. If Jeno helps you with herbology, Jaemin is there for you in potion classes. Though at first you think Jaemin is just using you to help him pass transfiguration and magical creatures. Turns out it was the total opposite, Jaemin is interested in Jeno, and the only person he sees is nice enough to be his wingman is you.
You don’t mind this though since you’ve seen how sincere Jaemin is when it comes to defending you and cheering you up. You know it’s just his ego that doesn’t let him say he is being friends with you because you two click. Screw anyone who made the unwritten rules that a Slytherin and Gryffindor cannot be friends. Well you understand since he is a Pure Slytherin. No one expects Slytherin to befriend Gryffindor even worse a half blood.
Back to the mean time, you walk with Jaemin on your side to reach the library where Jeno has reserved a place for you two. It’s your fourth year in Hogwarts which means you and your friends have to start preparing for the O.W.L test to be taken in your last fifth year. Although the three of you are gifted with brilliant heads, no one can slack their O.W.L and expect to pass. Here you are, limiting your free time and getting your ass dragged by Jeno to always study when you have free time.
“I miss playing quidditch.” You whisper after one hour of sitting down in the library and sticking your nose into the lines and lines of scribbles.
Jeno snickers, “You miss quidditch or you miss being in the same air as Renjun?”
You slap his hand that lays on the table and the young boy groans, “You’re evil! You could be in Slytherin, gosh thank heaven you’re not there or you’ve turned me into a stone.”
Jaemin just smirks, well he likes this side of you. The semi-evil part in your innocent-like façade.
“Dramatic, Lee Jeno. I love flying on the broom and chasing the balls.” You lied and if someone had given you the Veritaserum, Jeno’s guess was right. Your team likes to practice with the Ravenclaw’s team; don't ask why when your team captain is clearly flirting with the Ravenclaw’s captain.
“Come on, no one will buy that lie. It’s been four years of secretly crushing Renjun, why don’t you try to at least “befriend” him.” Jaemin sets aside his book and rests his chin on one of his hands.
You focus back on your book, trying to not fall into Jaemin’s hypnotizing eyes that can make you spill truths. “I am his friend. He never calls me an enemy.”
“Yeah not like that, I mean bring him here to our group study, ask him to sit with you during mealtimes. Invite him to join us when we’re strolling around Hogsmeade.” Jeno whispers.
The three of you shut up when a shadow appears on your table and drop a pile of books.
“Excuse me, mind sharing the table? The place is full and yours is the only one available.” A soft voice greets three of you and like robots, you turn your heads slowly to widen your eyes and gasp when the guy of your gossip is standing here.
“Oh Renjun, yes you can. Please,” Jaemin kindly brings his books to his side and you throw him a death glare. Well, the available space is the one on your side.
“Thank you, hey (y/n)! It’s been a while,” Renjun smiles at you. You just smile and nod, well yes you rarely see him in class, mostly because your schedule didn’t match his and both of you stopped playing quidditch.
You swear, that was the longest one hour in your life. Renjun’s soft sweet fragrance of sweet baked vanilla from the side is enough to make your heart beat faster, not to mention how cute he looks with his glasses when he is focusing on the charm textbook. You know if this guy is going to sit here all day, none of the materials written in the book will be planted in your brain. Still, Jeno and Jaemin had the audacity to invite Renjun into your small study group.
“Hey Renjun, next time why don’t you join us to study for O.W.L?” Jeno asks when all of you clean up your belongings and head for dinner.
Renjun’s smile lights up and he laughs nervously, “Well if that is okay with three of you, I don’t have any friends to study with yet.”
“You’re most welcome here! Just ask (y/n) later about our meeting times. Jeno can help with herbology and I can help with Potions. You can help us with charms! (y/n) here is the queen of transfiguration.” Jaemin welcomingly says all of this. Though most people may be blinded by his sweet words, you want to smack the life out of him when you see his glinting eyes taunting you.
You want to object, saying that his schedule won’t work with yours, but the cat has your tongue and all you can do is stay quiet as Renjun thanks Jaemin for inviting him to the group.
With that, Renjun chooses to walk around the grounds for a while before dinner. Your heart is bursting any second whenever he looks up to glance at the sky and you can see his perfectly sculptured face. No, it is not awkward, he casually talks with you about how he also misses quidditch, he also shares funny stories of the first-year students getting lost in the hallways just like you. Is he teasing you about getting lost in the hallway? Well since it is Renjun you just smile, had it been Jeno or Jaemin their hairs would already be in your hand.
“They’re just like you. Looking so cute when they’re lost and confused, afraid to miss their class.” Renjun stares at you and you laugh.
“I know, it was hard okay memorizing this big hall! Not to mention the moving stairs.” You finally feel less nervous and you can start talking with less stuttering.
“Well, if you’re ever confused just call me. I’ll assist you again like back then.” He chuckles and you laugh.
Well, you sort of have to treat Jeno and Renjun for a butterbeer maybe, thanks to them you finally get to walk around and talk with Renjun on the ground after four years.
That night on the paved grounds. You sit down while playing with your wand, swishing it while practicing some chants (without actually doing it). You sit on one of the grounds, leg straight while you lean on one of the pillars there. There is a soft footstep coming to you and someone took the opposite part of the pillars. You turn your head to catch Renjun’s body mirroring yours, but he is holding a book.
“Complicated.” He shrugs coyly.
You toss your head to the side and smile "Renjun, how did you find me? " Your easy-going Gryffindor traits show up and Renjun calmly looks up from his book to look over his shoulder to you too. “Maybe from this?” he offers you a Marauder’s Map and you gasp.
“How can you have one?” you want to take it from his hand, but he is faster.
Before you can ask more questions, Renjun diverts the topic and asks you about the group study. "So, are you sure your Slytherin and Hufflepuff boys want me to be in the group?" Renjun bashfully asks you this.
You laugh "They're more than happy when you accept their offer. Truth is we all suck at the hard charms. We need a tutor and we also need one more friend to make the space full. You're on our first list."
"I am honored to be first in the list, and I also like having friends to study with. So, tell me what the schedule is." With that, you wave your wand to bring you a piece of paper. "Accio schedule." The schedule paper lands on Renjun's slender fingers from your small pocket and the soft looking boy runs his eyes through the timetable. "Great, I can adjust my classes for this." You feel your heart can't take it anymore when he looks into your eyes deeply.
"So, see you tomorrow afternoon." You stand up trying to leave the ground, since the sleeping hours are coming, but his hand reaches for your wrist. "Sorry, do you want to go watch the quidditch practice between our team tomorrow? It's after lunch." Renjun scratches his neck. You nod "I will!" He smiles "Great, see you! Good night."
You raise your eyebrow "My hand" And he gasps as he lets go of your wrist. "Sorry" Both of you laugh and you finally go back to your room. Things were great, you and Renjun slowly became closer.
You hate the silly rules of staying over your own common room. Like dang you want to meet Renjun in his common room, but you know you’re not the smartest one to unlock their password. Not to mention you are not ready to have eyes pierced on you as you enter the room (if you ever succeed)
So, you end up only able to meet Renjun when he sees you on the hallway and with Jeno and Jaemin. He sometimes appears to you in the garden and you once found him chilling on the school’s astronomy tower in the middle of the night. He’s daring enough to leave his bed and you found him stargazing.
After your one encounter on the astronomy tower, that becomes your regular meeting place with Renjun.
Like tonight, both of you sneaked out of your beds, tiptoeing perfectly through the stairs. Somehow escaping the ears of Mr Filch and voila both of you are smiling ear to ear as the moonlight glows through your faces.
You sit on the porch, suddenly regretting your stupid head for forgetting the scarf. The wind is pretty harsh, and you try to hug your body. Renjun is busy watching the sky through his binoculars. You gave him your binoculars when you discovered he also loves space and the galaxy.
“Want to look at the stars?” Renjun looks at you and hands you the binocular. You nod your head while trying your best to not shake from the cold, but it is cold.
“Silly, forgot your scarf?” he unwinds his own blue silver knit scarf and steps closer to wrap it over you.
“What about you?” you feel worried about his condition. Renjun only shakes his head, “I wore warmer clothes. Also, you shouldn’t fall sick. You need to prepare for your O.W.L tomorrow. Just watch the sky.” He quickly changes the topic when he sees your annoyed face of bringing up O.W.L
You take his advice when he pushes your body to face the sky and you bring the object to your eyes. He was right, the night sky is always mysterious and calming, somewhere out there two of you believe another universe with aliens exists.
Renjun secretly watches you in admiration. He never expects to get this close with you, physically and mentally. By now, he knows your most embarrassing story, your favorite food, and your favorite star.
“Renjun! Quick make a wish!” you tug on his sweater and pull his hand when your eyes catch a shooting star.
Renjun is quick to realize your hand is still squeezing his arm, but he closes his own eyes and makes his own wish. You wish with all your might, things will be better for you and Renjun. You want him, you love him and basically, you’re so ready to risk everything just to get him. Creepy? No, that is love.
“So, what did you wish for?” he whispers near your ear, you see him shivering so you naturally take off the scarf and try your best to share it between both of you.
Renjun’s cheek blushed, “Didn’t think of that. You sure are smarter at things like that.”
You giggle “About your question, don’t you know a wish should remain secret or it won’t work.”
The young man scoffs, “You believe that?”
You nod “Well I thought you do too.”
Renjun smiles, “Fine. I will also keep mine.”
You can no longer hold back your yawn and you realize if both of you stay in this cold air, you’ll need to call in sick and that is not happening. Not when you need to catch up on all class materials.
“See you Injun-ah,” you wave as you drape the scarf back on him. He smells your sweet musk perfume and something tingles Renjun’s mind.
He remembers he had smelt that same hint of scent somewhere, but where. In confusion, the Ravenclaw walks back to his room. Only when his head hits his pillow does he finally remember where he encountered that smell. None other than that silly amortentia potion class. Take a whiff and you’ll know who that special person is.
“Tell me again how he always managed to find you?” Jaemin asks you about how Renjun always finds you. Both of you are sitting in the garden, taking a whiff of fresh air.
You sigh, you know you shouldn’t be telling him this, but you think Jaemin can keep secrets.
“He has a Marauder’s map.” You whisper under your breath.
Jaemin’s eyes lighten and his jaw drops. He really looks glowing with happiness like he won a lottery.
“(Y/n)~” his sing-song tone comes out and you mutter a curse under your breath. Oh no, he is going to ask you something. Which is true.
“Is it possible if you borrow the map from Renjun? Just for a second.” He pouts and draws random lines on your arm. You pull your hand away and slap his hand “What are you thinking? Go borrow by yourself.”
He drives his eyes to his feet, “I really need it, but I guess Renjun won’t let me borrow it.”
You scoff “You know it already. I never even touched it Jaem, it’s really precious after all.”
Jaemin, a total charmer, looks you in the eyes with his sickening puppy eyes “Please, I need it to meet Jeno secretly too! He seems tired but he is hiding it from us…”
“Your point?” you cut the crap out of him.
Jaemin smiles and you see his cunningness really popping up when he bribes you to help him “Point is, can you just take the map from him for a while and then I’ll use it to find Jeno, then you return it to him. Simple!”
You groan “How is that simple? That’s stealing!”
“Borrowing, just that he won’t realize it’s ever gone from his hand.” Jaemin shrugs his shoulder
“It’s not an honest game. You said ``borrow not steal and return.”
“Then try borrowing it from him, he doesn’t talk to me about the map so it’ll be weird if I ask him about that. He will be mad at you for spilling secrets and I know you love him so much.” He smirks, knowing that he won your internal battle.
You sigh, Jaemin really traps you in the mouse trap eh?
“Fine, let me try to borrow it from him. What will I get in return?”
“Woah you're so calculative! I thought we are friends and friends help each other?”
You really regret not joining Jeno to study with Renjun, this Slytherin man is really cunning… luring you to leave the library to “take in the fresh air” but ended up dealing with a dangerous project.
“Okay if you insist, I’ll say if the map worked, I’ll be able to accompany Jeno and he will be happier and you want to see Jeno happier right? Also you’re my best greatest courageous friend, isn’t this like a challenge?” he stares at you with great compassion plus hitting your chivalry ego and since no one is there to slap you, you nod your head.
“Okay Jaemin.” The Gryffindor spirit of not thinking about an action carefully is here.
Jaemin smirks and waves you goodbye after slipping a small tube of potion to your hand. He disappeared like that and you start to think of a way to talk with him about the map, while staring at disbelief for the Felix Felicis in your hand. Dang that Slytherin boy really is questionable.
You spend the afternoon thinking of a way to get Renjun’s map and you finally choose to ask him slowly.
“Renjun! What are the things you always keep in your bag?” you ask randomly but Renjun and you did this a lot of time, so he doesn’t smell your smoke.
He thinks for a while, “Nothing much, books and the map, some quills and chocolates? Why?”
You nod “It’s okay, just curious.”
He doesn’t pester you about it, only talking more about different things.
“Hey, tomorrow is Sunday. Mind to just sit and enjoy the day off? We sit in the fountain courtyard.”
Your brain finds a chance to take his map and so you nod your head.
--
You drop the Felix Felicis potion on your breakfast tea that Sunday morning and you meet Renjun who is looking so good in his casual outfit.
You’re nervous, though luck is favoring you, you are still battling yourself whether you should just snatch the map or ask him nicely.
After talking about different things and driving his attention to other things, you inch closer to Renjun and stare at his lips. Somehow your brain is focused on his lips and oh did you forget you took a potion this morning?? Because your silly head wants to kiss his lips so bad and luck is really on your side.
“Why are you staring at my lips? You really like them don’t you?” Renjun boldy asks, something so uncommon about him.
You gulp and blush, but your heart secretly wants to kiss him.
“Come here,” he pulls your hand closer and once your shoulder crashes with his, he kisses you right in the middle of the day when everyone can see you two sharing a slow kiss.
Your head almost stops working but suddenly Jaemin’s shadow appears in your mind and you quickly put your hand into Renjun’s bag. You didn’t know the lucky potion could be this wonderful because once your hand enters the bag you find the paper already.
Renjun was so focused on the kiss that he didn’t notice your hand slipping the map to your pocket. Only when you’re done did you finally break the kiss.
He blushes and you chuckle “That was intense.”
Yes the kiss was intense but the reason your heart beats super-fast is because of the action you just did. Stealing.
“I love you Renjun,” you whisper, feeling a bit sad for lying to him… but you don’t want to be embarrassed after what you did go well.
“I love you too, I didn’t know our feelings were mutual.” He innocently rubs his burning face and you want to die from lying with him.
“Renjun, sorry for suddenly leaving, but I have to go, I got something to do.” You stand up from the grounds.
“Huh? Oh okay I guess you look rushed.” He stands up too, “Where do you have to go? I can walk you there.”
You shake your head and reject his offer, “No, it’s personal. If you don’t mind, I’d rather go by myself. Bye Injun! See you!” you run away from him and disappear before he can even bid his farewell.
The ravenclaw just shrugs his shoulders and returns to his common room. When he kisses you earlier, he feels so fuzzy and fireworks are popping in his heart. As weird as it sounds, the kiss made him come up with a new imaginative creature.
Yes, Renjun is a ravenclaw who enjoys imaginative creatures. He is talented in drawing, so he spends his time sketching and naming creatures he has in his head. Though you may ask how a Ravenclaw believes in uncertain things with no concrete proof, Renjun has been hiding this guilty pleasure from anyone.
He hums as he sits on his chair and starts arranging his paints. The sun is angled perfectly at this time and he is more than excited to paint the new love creature he has in his mind.
On the other hand, you are running to meet Jaemin.
“I solemnly swear I am up to no goods.” You tap your wand and open the map to quickly find Jaemin.
There he is, somehow lurking in the dining hall. Weird.
You pocket the map and make your way to him.
“Use this quickly. I don’t know how long it takes for Renjun to notice.” You stuff the map into Jaemin’s pocket.
His eyes twinkle “Oh gosh you did it. You do this for me? Thank you!” he taps your shoulder and flies away “I’ll return it to you once I am done. Promise.”
You just wait for him with anxiety crawling in your heart. Something about stealing, lying, and using potion is just not settling well in your Gryffindor heart. You let out a deep breath, and relax a bit.
Only that it didn’t even last long and things are going downhill from here.
While you wait nervously in the dining room, you find yourself face to face with a fuming and disappointed Renjun. “You stole the map, didn’t you?!” he holds back all the anger inside to avoid reaching for your collar.
You gulp, of course he noticed. It’s been almost two hours. Couldn’t Jaemin find Jeno, bring Jeno to return the map to you then go disappear somewhere. Why should you wait for this long.
“I-“ you stutter “I’m sorry.” You apologize, your heart tells you lying more will just bring you to a deeper pit.
Renjun shakes his head, “You stole but I’m hurt you tricked me! Did you mean the kiss or not?”
Your eyes widened, he was just confused about the kiss? Oh how cute. You want to open your mouth, but it looks like the cat got your tongue again and Renjun was faster in assuming things when he is angry.
“You know what? I don’t care about your kiss, I don’t even care about your explanation. Give it back.” His palm opens up to you and you bite your lips “It’s not with me.”
His eyes would pop off from his head “You what? You lost it or gave it to someone?”
Damn Ravenclaws and their quick brains.
“I’ll give it back to you, I promise.” You reach out for his hand, but he snatches his hand away to his chest before you can appeal to him.
“You know what? I found it already.” He looks over your shoulder and sees Jaemin coming to you with a troubled face.
“And by the look of Jaemin’s face, I guess this is not my day.” Renjun sounds super sad and you hate yourself for actually starting all of this. He was in a super good mood earlier and you ruined everything. Now will you ruin your friendship too? and love interest.
You heard Jaemin apologizing (something so uncommon) about something and the next second, you don’t hear anything from Renjun’s lips, just an eerie silence between them and suddenly the man in blue sweater runs away from you and Jaemin.
“I may or may not have accidentally been caught by some other Slytherin, and they wanted to see the map. It ripped.” Jaemin mutters slowly and you feel your world has stopped turning and you should just leave Hogwarts before facing Renjun.
--
Renjun left both of you and there’s nothing you can do. There is, but your brain stops working and your Gryffindor heart cowers and runs away. You sit devastated on the ground and Jaemin copies you.
“We can try to fix this map,” Jaemin tries to cheer you up but you shake your head “We can’t. Even if we can, I don’t think the bond of our friendship can be fixed.” you pull your knees to your chest and put your chin on them
“I’ll find a way to fix this. I promise, I broke the map so let me take the blame for this.” Jaemin stands up with the ripped map and he casts the repair charm.
You just stare at it soullessly. Well the map did come back into one piece, but Renjun’s disappointment can’t leave your head.
“I am sorry (y/n).” Jaemin sincerely apologizes to you and you just hum a silent reply
“Look, I believe Renjun will forgive you. He might not forgive me, but I deserve this. This is not your fault. I made you trick him. I am the guilty one.” your best friend tries to cheer you up, but your mind keeps on thinking Renjun.
--
That young ravenclaw did come into dinner, well he has to as he’s the prefect. But when you leave your chair to tap his shoulder and talk with him, he already leaves with the big group and you find yourself alone, losing your chance.
You ask around where he is, and everyone says he’s in the prefect bathroom enjoying a long bath. You hate how he has a hideout you can’t come to. So, the only thing you can do is wait.
You think of ways to apologize and how he can forgive you. Should you do his chores? Should you do his essays? gosh no he’s smarter than you. Should you buy him some new paint and drawing books? He likes to draw right, but you bite your lips when you remember your allowance this month was finished for good when you bought that new broom.
You go to the toilet, and come back to ask where he is on a passing Ravenclaw, only to curse when they said he is already in the common room.
Great, now you really won’t be sleeping tonight.
“Hey (y/n), I handed him the map already and asked sorry.” Jaemin suddenly taps your shoulder when you are walking to your room.
You just nod “Lucky you, looks like he is not that disappointed at you. Must be because he is afraid you’d turn him into a frog.” you try to tease Jaemin but even your own joke doesn't taste good in your tongue.
Renjun tries his best to avoid you, or more likely avoid hearing your apology or explanation about what happened that day. It’s as if you’re a deadly plague! He did show up a couple of times to the group study meetups, but he never talks to you about anything other than asking your question about the lesson or when the boys ask him about his nerves about the test.
You feel sick from all of the studying, but most of your stress comes from Renjun’s constant ignorance towards you. He did talk to you about other things, he explained to you the lessons you’re still struggling with but he never speaks of that day as if it never happens. Though some people like that better and just brush it off, like Jaemin for example. You’re not satisfied with this. You need his real acceptance of apology or you can’t feel ease in your heart.
You tried all you can, sending him a message filled with handwritten apology, a chocolate of his favorite brand, a chocolate frog, some badly drawn apology painting, a poem, and even try to bring up the conversation whenever you meet but he always finds a way to smile and drive the topic to another thing.
His playful gaze can still be felt by you and he still helps you occasionally in classes you struggle in. He even helps until the last days of the O.W.L test and the guilt in your heart is just piling up.
--
“Good luck on your O.W.L '' Renjun one night smiles at you after cleaning up the books and quills. You gasp “Thank you, you too and Renjun I am sorry.” you finally get the chance to utter your apology intimately without anyone else near you.
Renjun sighs “You’re still sad about that?” you bite your lips and nod “I can’t take it off my head.” The man in blue robes chuckles and messes your hair “Silly. Stop worrying about that. Just focus on your studies okay so that you can pass this O.W.L” you turn red from his action, heart beating super fast upon seeing his cute smile and hand touching your head.
“Alright, I need my sleep. You go to bed too okay, see you for breakfast tomorrow.” he tucks a hair away from your face and bops your nose. You see him walk away after saying good night and when you want to go to your room, you notice a blue scarf he left on the chair.
“Renjun forgot this.” you wrap it around your neck because you have lots of stuff to bring back and slowly you walk to your room, enjoying how his scent softly brushes your nose when the wind is blowing in your direction. You feel calm now that Renjun told you not to worry about it and seeing how he’s back to playing with your hair makes you feel less guilty.
“I’ll return this tomorrow,” you mumble to yourself only to wrap it tighter to your neck when you sleep.
--
The O.W.L this year is nerve consuming and stressful. You and the other students are all squeezed and no one is having their energy other than studying, eating and sleeping. You’ve talked less with the boys, you’re busy isolating yourself in the study room or just in the garden to study and focus on yourself. You also forget about Renjun’s scarf and he seems to forget it too, judging by how he is using another scarf.
All of you made it through the excruciating exam and finally you’re packing your suitcase.
“Are you ready to go home?” Jeno puts his face into your face on the morning of the beginning of the holiday. You have a beaming smile on your face and you happily hug him “Thank you for your help! I did my O.W.L nicely because of your help!” Jeno only chuckles and laughs at your remarks. He only plays with your hair and pushes you away only for you to hit Jaemin’s chest and the cheeky guy is not ready to catch you. You close your eyes, preparing yourself to hit the hard ground and be embarrassed for the rest of the year in Hogwarts, but you didn’t hit the ground. You open your eyes and see Jaemin already standing next to Jeno, eyes running through the hall as he winks and waves his hand to the passing students. So, who is holding you?
“Hoah easy Jeno, you pushed her too hard!” A soft voice you missed. A voice that sounds so cute when he whines or complains. A voice that has been whispering all day all night in your head. Renjun.
“Renjun! Sorry.” you brush yourself as you stand up and tidy your looks. Suddenly feeling conscious if you’ll look good. Renjun smiles, he has his trunk by his hand too, looks like every one of us is going home this Christmas.
“It’s great to see you before the long holiday, (y/n)!” Renjun pushes a small smile and you are busy reaching into your backpack for something. “I need to return this! You left it in the library last time.” you hand Renjun the neatly folded blue scarf which surprises him. “Oh it’s with you! I thought I lost it.”
You laugh “Sorry, I forgot to return it to you.” you extend your arm to him. Renjun quickly takes the scarf and opens it, the next thing you know is that he inches closer to you, wraps the scarf softly on your neck and his lips hover above your own lips. When you look into his orbs, you see how he’s waiting for your permission and while Renjun still has his hand holding on to the scarf on your neck, you close your eyes and feel him pull you by the scarf and seal your lips with a long quiet kiss.
You feel butterflies in your stomach as he gently keeps his hands moving to secure your neck and your heart is thumping so hard.
“I forgive you, go enjoy your Christmas.” Renjun sincerely laughs and kisses your cheek “So, from today is it day one?”
You nod “Day one!” Your heart feels light, the heavy guilty feeling in your heart is gone, his kiss shows how he is not angry at you and you feel his passionate and sincere desire to have you as his significant other.
Jeno and Jaemin pretend they don’t see both of you, just waving their hands to any passing students, telling them to send owls, saying they’ll see them next year and all the season greetings.
“Alright, my train is leaving love. I’ll see you next year. Send me an owl , okay!” Renjun pinches your cheek that’s super red from his sudden actions. You just have a big smile on your face as you nod and wave “See you soon!”
Jeno and Jaemin help you put your stuff into the car your brother has sent to pick you up. You thank the boys, hugging them for being here with you through ups and downs and you’ve made peace with Jaemin. That guy promised you he’ll bring you back your favorite candy from his hometown.
As you sit down in your car, head looking back to the majestic and mystical castle, you smile when you remember how Renjun pulls you into a very sweet kiss and that’s enough to show you how he’s not mad or disappointed at you. You were overthinking, but that’s you. That’s something about your gryffindor heart, always wanting to be responsible for your faults and it feels good to finally see Renjun saying he forgave you already.
Magic and love. Might work side to side, might not. Whichever that is the potion or your attitude, Renjun loves you the way you love him too and that’s what matters.
end
142 notes · View notes
knchins · 3 years
Text
Not Your Friend - Tsukishima Kei
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Summary: Tsukki invites you over for Thanksgiving dinner after a day at the Labor Thanksgiving festival. But things start to fall apart when he introduces you to his family as his friend instead of his girlfriend.
Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Fem!Reader
Rating: T
Word Count: 2.6k (not 206 omfg ally get it TOGETHER)
Server Collab: @haikyuucreations - Home Sweet Home
Warnings: Angst (w/ a happy ending), Very brief mention of sex, stuffed animal abuse (jkjk)
Notes: Anon I hope you don’t mind a happy ending because I totally intended to leaving it open ended but then my heart hurt too much and I had to make them happy in the end. Anyway first collab piece for hqc! Please enjoy <3
 Even though you had been dating Tsukishima Kei for a little over six months now, you were still surprised when he invited you to a Thanksgiving Day dinner celebration with his family and closest friend Yamaguchi Tadashi. He had mentioned the festival that would take place earlier in the day and that after the two of you explored a bit, you’d go back to his home and have dinner with his mother, older brother, and best friend.
 It was a little odd because Tsukishima had disagreed on group dates or meeting your own family multiple times. He always found excuses to not do it. He would only say that he liked to keep his love life private, and asked that you would respect that. And so far you had. You didn’t talk about what went on between the two of you with anyone outside of your relationship, even your friends. You would be vague about your dates and if you had a fight then you’d pretend like nothing was going on. He wanted privacy and you wanted to give that to him.
 Despite that, you were really excited to finally meet his family. He had told you a lot about them and you had always wanted to meet them. You didn’t think he would have agreed if you had simply asked, so you never voiced your wishes to him. Luckily it seemed that time made him comfortable enough in your relationship to want to introduce you to the other people in his life finally.
 That morning you put on one of your best outfits, something that was cute but suitable for meeting your boyfriend’s family. Once you were finished getting ready, you went outside to meet Tsukki at his car. He would never go up to the door, no matter how many times you told him it was okay. He smiled softly at you, approving of your attire. “You look cute.” He said before driving you to the festival.
 The day was spent playing games and enjoying each other’s company. A few people recognized him from seeing his games with the Sendai Frogs and told them how they were big fans of him and the team. You knew he didn’t really care for the attention, always making an excuse to pull him away from the intruding person so he could relax by your side again. Tsukishima was always appreciative of how well you seemed to be able to read him. Despite his usual cold demeanor, people just seemed so eager to aggravate him. It was incredibly annoying.
 Luckily, the fans bold enough to interrupt your time together were few and far between today. Tsukki won you a stuffed brontosaurus, making sure you tell you how inaccurate the plush was as you hugged it close to snuggle with it happily, listening to him list why it was improbable for a dinosaur to be neon pink with orange spots. Of course he added how the head wasn’t shaped quite right and the proportions were a tad off. It was enough to make you giggle as he took you back to his car to take you to his family home.
 Anxiety fluttered in your chest as you watched the scenery pass you by in the window. What if they didn’t like you? You wondered to yourself. What if they thought you weren't good enough for him? A million negative scenarios and interactions raced through your mind as you thought of every conceivable way that you could screw this up. If this didn’t go well, then he’d probably never let you see them again. The thought of that hurt more than anything.
 After failed scenario number five hundred and thirty seven, Tsukki pulled up to his family home and parked out front. He opened the door for you and you stepped out, choosing to leave your new beloved (though inaccurate) dino behind. You didn’t want them to think you were childish because you loved stuffed animals.
 As he shut the car door behind you, Yamaguchi arrived with a wide smile. He greeted you enthusiastically, hugging you before giving Tsukishima a look that you couldn’t quite decipher.The three of you headed inside and deposited your shoes at the door as Kei’s mother came to greet you.
 “This is my friend,” Tsukki began before telling her your name. You couldn’t stop your eyes from widening in shock, looking at him with hurt as you tried to reel in the fresh set of tears that threatened to spill from your eyes. Friend? That’s all you were to him? Since when?
 You managed to compose yourself enough to bow to her as she told you it was nice to finally meet you. She then told Yamaguchi that she missed seeing him every weekend like she did when they were in high school together. The two began a friendly conversation as they retreated into the next room.
 Still frozen in place, you tried to grasp hold on your shattering heart. After everything, the ups and downs, the hiding you away, the confessions of love, the sex, he still somehow thinks of you as only…a friend? There was a lump in your throat, making it painful to swallow. Tsukishima didn’t seem to be pressed by the state you were in, he simply walked further into the house to catch up with his mother and friend.
 You took a deep breath to try and regain control of yourself. You attempted to numb the pain in your heart, simply thinking that if he just wanted to be friends then you’d simply treat him as a friend and nothing more. Two could play this game, not matter how much it hurt.
 Tsukki introduced you to his older brother and his significant other. You and Yamaguchi chatted with him while Tsukishima went to help his mother with something in the kitchen. You tried to keep yourself in the moment and to not think too much about the greeting. Though, he repeated himself again when introducing you to Akiteru. Being friendzoned on what you thought was a date was possibly one of the hardest things you’d ever had to do. You wish you could go back in time and decline his invitation to come over in the first place.
 Yamaguchi could read you like an open book. Not that you were incredibly hard to read in the first place, but it was easy to see that something was bothering you. Of course he knew exactly what was on your mind. He took you to the side after you finished chatting with Akiteru. “I’m sorry, I probably should have warned you I had a feeling this would happen.” He said to you in a quiet voice so that no one else could hear him.
 “I just want to go home.” You confessed. Despite how delicious the food smelled, you had no desire to even be near Tsukishima after what he had just done to you. The pain was simply too fresh, the wound too new. “I think I’m going to be sick…”
 He rubbed your back in an attempt to comfort you. “I think this is just his way of testing you.” Yamaguchi said, hoping that it would make you feel better. Alas it only made you feel worse. Why the hell did you need to be tested? Had you not gone through enough together in the past six months? Anger was starting to overwhelm your hurt and Tadashi attempted to backpedal. “I could be wrong though. Sometimes I don’t know what goes on in his head.”
 You dabbed at your eyes with the end of her shirt sleeve to try and keep the tears from falling. “Can you sit between us?” You asked, “I don’t want to be next to him right now.” He nodded, understanding how you were feeling. He wished he could pull Kei aside and ask him himself what was going through that head of his. Why was he doing this to the girl that he said he loved? Sometimes he could be such an enigma.
 Akiteru informed them that dinner was ready and the table was set. Tsukishima as already seated, Yamaguchi stayed true to his word and sat down next to him while you sat next to Yamaguchi. You could feel Kei’s eyes on you, wondering just what you were doing, but you ignored him totally. You told his mother that everything looked and smelled wonderful and she thanked you happily.
 The six of you began to eat, and everything tasted as good as it looked. It was almost worth the heartache that Tsukishima was putting you through, though you had already decided if he was so ashamed of you then you didn’t need to be in a relationship any more. You were hurt, angry, and at this point didn’t know what else to do. If he wanted to break up with you, then he could have found an easier way.
 The dinner was tense to say the least. You did your best to ignore Tsukishima, even though his family kept asking you questions about one another. How you met, did you hang out often, and many other questions that made it obvious that they were trying to see if the two of you were just friends or not. You kept your answers polite, but made it clear that you weren’t in an intimate relationship with Kei, at least not anymore.
 The slipup caused everyone to stare at you with wide eyes, even Kei himself. You not being together anymore was certainly news to him, though he played it off like it was no big deal. He wondered if this was because he didn’t claim you as his significant other right away or if maybe you’d been wanting to break up for some time now. His own mind was clouded with doubts and anxieties as he became even quieter at the table. It was obvious that there was something going on between you two, it was just unclear what exactly that was.
 Once everyone had finished eating, you helped Tsukki’s mother clear up the dishes and put extra food away. “You know, my son has a very interesting way of handling information he doesn’t want his family to know.” She said as she passed you a dish to dry off. “He has always been a very private person, even as a small child. I never quite understood where he got it from.”
 You weren’t sure what her point was, drying off another dish with the towel in your hand. “He never tells us when he has a girlfriend because he’s afraid we’ll bother them.” She said admittedly, “He thinks we’ll pry too much. I think he keeps it a secret more due to his own insecurities than anything else.”
 “Sometimes being kept a secret doesn’t feel very good.” You replied, not knowing what else to say to her. “Being kept in the dark isn’t that great either.”
 “Well, no.” She said back as she finished the last plate and handed it to you. “But he doesn’t have a whole lot of practice with that sort of thing either. I don’t think he reads women very well.”
 You nodded, wanting to believe that his denial of their relationship was simply due to him being an insecure idiot, but it was a little hard to believe. It still felt more like he was ashamed of you. “He’s never actually brought anyone over besides Tadashi before.” His mother said, “I think this was a big step for him.” She left to go tackle another chore as you stayed in the kitchen, nibbling on your lower lip. Did you possibly jump the gun?
 Tsukishima walked into the kitchen and you realized the two of you were alone. He had an apathetic look on his face. “So we’re not together anymore?” He asked, as if the conversation at dinner was unclear.
 Your eyes narrowed and you threw the dishrag at him. “I don’t know, Kei, you tell me.” You hissed before crossing your arms over your chest. “Can you please just take me home?”
 He was frowning, which although wasn’t totally unusual, it was more pronounced than normal. He nodded his head, letting out a soft disappointed sigh before letting everyone know he was going to take you back to your apartment.
 You walked with him to his car, allowing him to open the door for you. You got in, putting the stuffed dinosaur in the backseat. Honestly you didn’t even want to look at it anymore, you had already decided that you’d pretend to forget it there.
 Tsukki got into the driver’s side, buckling his seat belt and starting the car. Already he knew things were worse than he thought. For as long as he’d known you, he’d never seen you abandoned a stuffed toy. You’d always keep it in your lap or in your arms, somewhere close because you wanted it to feel loved (he really didn’t understand this but chose to let it go). He swallowed hard, trying to figure out a way to fix things before they were beyond repair.
 The drive was extremely tense. He caught you sniffling back tears a few times, the need to console you growing more and more despite the fact that now his heart was breaking too. “Listen,” He said, addressing you by your name, “I was going to tell them, but I wanted them to get to know you first without any pressure.” He was inwardly hoping that the truth was enough to heal your hurt, though he wasn’t entirely sure if it was or not. “I knew they’d pry and I thought it would be easier on you if I just said you were a friend.”
 “Kei we’ve been dating six months now and they didn’t even know you were seeing someone?” You asked, though his explanation did help somewhat, it was still unacceptable that you had been kept such a secret. “Why are you so ashamed of me?”
 “I’m not ashamed of you.” He said back, his voice raising a hair at the accusation. “I never said that I was. I just don’t like them butting into my private life, that’s it. It had nothing to do with how I feel about you.”
 You shied away at his loud volume, sinking into the seat like a child that had just been chastised. “That’s what it feels like…” You mumbled back meekly. “That you don’t care enough to tell them about me.”
 He glanced at you before looking back at the road. “How many times have I told you that you mean more to me than anything in the entire world?” He asked, sounding tired. “I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you.” He always hated saying those words, but sometimes the moment did call for it. Moments such as this. “I just didn’t want my family to pester me about you nonstop. They get carried away and it's overwhelming.”
 You were quiet, unsure what to say. “Why didn’t you just tell me that beforehand so I wouldn’t have gotten hurt?”
 His cheeks turned a light shade of pink, “I was going to tell them right away but I panicked at the last moment. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, really.”
 You blinked slowly, reaching into the backseat for the dino and hold. The action made Tsukishima let out a sigh of relief. It was at least a sign that he hadn’t ruined everything completely. “So are we still broken up?”
 “No,” You muttered back to him awkwardly. “I’m sorry I made you leave early.”
 He shrugged, “I’d rather just be with you anyway. Akiteru can be such a pain.”
 A small smile broke on your face as you rode the rest of the way in a happy silence.
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Mobile Masterlist || Request Rules || Collab Masterlist
Tag List: @dabi-hates-fish​, @hawkward​, @writeiolite​ (I think you wanted to be tagged Io, I don’t exactly remember ad;lfkja;dlfja;sdlfj)
919 notes · View notes
pandaluc · 3 years
Text
Love and Envy, all because of you.
When you like somebody else rather them
Characters included: Diluc, Kaeya, Childe, Jean
Warnings: not proof-read, very slight mentions of wine and fighting
g!n reader
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Diluc
Diluc falling in love is something rarer than winning the lottery. So when this man falls in love, he falls really hard. Stutters, awkwardness, stares, and try-hardness. He does these all as long as you are in his sight.
However, he took such a long time to confess because fear had took over him. He feared to lose you as well, just as the way he lost his father. And well, to his surprise, he regretted not confessing earlier.
He decided to go work in Angel's Share and creek. The door swings open with Kaeya's arm around your waist, and you staring lovingly at Kaeya's eyes. Diluc's mood definitely got worse. And the fact that yoh are with his brother? He knows he has no right to get upset, but he can't ignore this burning flame in his heart the moment he saw the both of you.
He tries to maintain his composure, but deep in him was a mix of lots of emotions. He is annoyed, upset, sad, and disappointed all at the same time. And well it's not too good of a reason, but he might start treating Kaeya more harshly than before.
He is envious. In all people in Teyvat, why his brother? He can't help but stare at the both of you, thinking on the many decisions he went wrong. Thinking those opportunities he should've confessed but didn't. And the more he stares, the more his madness gets replace by sadness.
He lost again one of the few people he always treasured in his life. Though he knows that he should be happy because you are laughing joyfully in Kaeya's arms, but he can't help but imagine him being the source of your smiles.
Ever since, he will start to avoid you and will throw out his anger in paperwork and hilichurls. He distracts himself a lot, and makes sure he is very busy so that you will get off of his head and heart.
If he has to talk to you, he will make sure to have a stern face with a cold voice. He will do everything simply to push you away from him. And sometimes, he would say offensive words he didn't mean just to push you away. He does realize how much you'll get hurt when you and his friendship dies, but deep down in him he knows that this is for the good.
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Kaeya
Ah yes, Kaeya, a very charming person and surely, lots in Mondstadt thinks so too. He is also a flirt and quite social, a reason why you both are friends for a very long time now.
And in his thinking, maybe it won't be such a bad idea to perhaps upgrade your relation to one another. It took him long enough to realize that he had grew feelings towards you.
He would worry a lot when you get hurt. He would make sure that nobody makes you feel uncomfortable. He started to be careful of his duties as the Cavalry Captain just so that he could see you once again. Heck, he even tried his very best to sound genuine instead of flirty when he compliments you. He was even prepared to quit drinking if that's what you find in a man. Sadly, all of his goodness, to you, was just friendliness.
After lots and lots of thinking if he actually have feelings for you, he finally decided to confess. Not until you came running up to him, continuously talking about this man you know that you fell so in love with. "May I know who is this man you fell in love with?". He took his chances but sadly, the name you said was not his. Disappointment filled Kaeya's heart, but at the same time, he found it funny. Funny, that he spent so much time making sure of his feelings that he didn't even get the chance to confess. Funny, how his confidence suddenly broke down when he knew that you had feelings for someone else.
He wanted to tell you that maybe he was the one for you. But, you looked so happy talking about this man you fell in love with. And kaeya is a smart man. He knew at that very moment that he didn't stand a chance. And that he will never be with you.
Even so, he agreed helping you to convey your feelings to the man you love. If it's only friendship you and he could have, then he will take it rather than being acquaintances. He'd remind you here and there to not get your hopes so high for this man, but everytime he does so, you force to him that you are sure of your decisions.
Because of you, he had gathered so much pain in his chest. Much pain that only wine could temporary wash off. During the evening, he'd tell you that he will be doing captain duties when in reality, he goes to his home drinking all the wine he could trying to forget about the pain you had caused him.
In times where you talk to him, he'd still seem normal and as if nothing is hurting him. But deep down, he just wishes to wrap his arms around you and be the man that will love you until the end of life.
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Childe
You and Childe had been very close. He was comfortable with you. He wasn't afraid to show you his downsides, and the times where he cannot do anything but pour tears out. He did not want to hurt you as well. As much as he found fighting fun, he did not want to fight with you, ever.
That is when he realized that he had fallen in love with you. He denied it to himself a number of times but he just can't stop thinking of you. "Are they safe?" "Do they need anything?" "What if they feel alone?" "What if I lose them?". The moment he realized, he wanted to confess. He wanted to be yours. But he feared that him being part of the fatui will be a hindrance to your relationship and may affect your well-being. After all, he rarely gets time to stay and spend time with you.
But the moment he felt the feeling of envy, that is when he thought to himself that he will indeed confess and not give you up. While he was in Liyue's woods, he saw you walking with this man he does not know. He saw your hand holding someone else's. He saw your eyes full of love while staring at someone else's eyes. That exact moment, he decided to meet you as soon as possible and confess his feelings.
He was aware that it might make things awkward and that it might break the both of your friendship. But he wanted to at least do what he can, and take his chances. Some would say he was desperate, but to him, he was simply hopeful. He was hoping and wishing that you will be his.
And so he tried. But he couldn't. He felt scared. He knew he did not stand a chance. So instead, he tried to convey his feelings through actions, not through words. And he hoped to all of the archons and celestial gods that you will realize how much he yearns for your love.
Though in relationships, he doesn't get possessive and jealous easily.. Even if the both of you are just friends, he quite had become just a bit possessive and protective of you. How could you blame him after all? He really wanted you to be his, and for you to know it. He was willing to give anything and everything to you. He would even quit the fatui, despite his loyalty to the Tsaritsa, if that was the reason why you cannot love him back. Sometimes, he'd use his words to hint his feelings for you. "Is that man really all that? Don't you think that I may be better after all?" "Don't keep your hopes high though, he may leave you one day". However, you all took these phrases simply as a friendly way. Or even in a platonic way. After all, there was still a glimpse of a non-seriousness in his tone.
He had thoughts of using his fatui harbinger title to scare the man loving you off. But remembering your smile when you talk about this man, he'd rather set you free to make you happy than to see you all his with sadness in your face.
It cannot be avoided. You and his friendship was slowly but very slightly falling apart. He started to bottle up emotions and hide them from you. You started to spend more time to with your man, and less with him. And it saddened and angered him. But after much thinking, maybe it was good after all. Now that he spends less time with you, maybe his feelings will drift away. Just maybe.
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Jean
The acting grandmaster of the Knights of Favonius. Always so busy with work, and sometimes pressured to help others that she would try to do more than what she could. It was a very stressful life for her, barely getting a chance to rest and take a breath. But you went to her life. She admired and appreciated you oh so much. You would remind her to always eat and sleep. You would do your very best to help her in her duties, even if she insists that it is alright not to do so. You cared for her so much that she cannot help but get feelings for you.
It was when you made her realize that she should live a life the way she actually wants to. It was when you convinced her that she is not alone when it comes to protecting Mondstadt. It was when you were always and always there for her, she realized how strong her feelings gotten. But Jean is quite the shy and quiet type. No matter how much she trusts you, she could never get herself to express her romantic love for you.
And alas, the day she never though would come happened. You had told her that you indeed have a relationship with someone else. And at that day, she felt very devastated. She knew beforehand that she never stood a chance. She knew how much opportunities of confessing she had missed. She thought she was prepared for the day to come where you are with someone else. But she thought wrong. She was listening carefully to your words. Your words of excitement and joy towards that someone you love. Of course, she pretended to be so happy for you. But if you listen closely, you could hear a hint of sadness in the tone of her voice.
The moment you left her and locked the door of her office, she looked back at her paper works and started to drown in her thoughts. So many "what ifs" and "whys" in her head that she cannot hold her tears back no matter how much she tried. She knew it was pathetic to cry over one person that has a relationship with somebody else. But for some reason, she felt the same pain she feels whenever someone in the knights die.
She wouldn't necessarily avoid you. But the moment she sees you, she suddenly gets tense out of nowhere and tends to avoid you without even her noticing. If you called her out for it and ask if anything is wrong, she will simply make her exhaustion as an excuse. You thought that it was because of paper work and duties, so you tried to help. But those nights where she slept very late was because of her uncontrollable thinking and crying caused by you and you only. She would also make herself busy and interact with other people more. She would basically do anything to keep you out of her mind.
But of course, she is still there for you whenever you need something. She is always willing to lend a hand, even if it is for a future date of you and your partner. If you feel negative emotions, she will be there to listen and try to help if you wish. She may be disappointed that you chose someone else than her, she knows how to make sure that her emotions will not cause any harm to you and to your significant other.
Author's Note
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I've been receiving lots of support lately in my posts and in my ask box and for that, I am very thankful <33. I know I don't post so often so my apologies for that. But nevertheless, I want to tell y'all that I appreciate each one of you so much! You make my day brighter. Ily, and don't forget to take care of yourself! Eat, hydrate, sleep, stay safe!
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quillsandtypos · 3 years
Text
Bold Moves
Summary: You unexpectedly make a new friend at a party while Luke does his best to distract you.
Words: 2.8k
Pairings: luke patterson x reader
Warnings: teenage drinking and a few cuss words
...........................................
You should’ve known better. But alas, here you were, at some party where you didn’t know anyone. Minus the band of course, but you hadn’t seen any of them in what felt like at least half an hour. Flynn had left an hour ago, you almost left with her, and you were currently wishing that you had. But a small part of you wanted to stay in case you got to hang out with Luke. You weren’t certain what you were thinking, it’s not like he would want to hang out with you. You considered going to go talk to Julie but she seemed to be having a good time, so you decided not to interrupt her; and instead you settled in the corner of the kitchen that seemed the least crowded.
After observing for a bit you decided that you needed something to dull the thoughts flowing through your mind. You got off of your stool to get some spiked red punch. You took a sip of it to find that it was more vodka than hawian punch. It burned your mouth and the back of your throat as it went down, but it would do the trick. You managed to gag down about half a cup before you noticed a girl around your age approaching you.
She had black straightened hair pulled up in a high ponytail. She wore a neon green two piece dress which nicely complemented the silver makeup she had applied to her dark brown skin. She took the other stool next to you.
“How’s the punch coming?” she asked with a widely toothed grin.
“Depends how low your standards are,” you remarked as you took another swing.
“Yeah, I noticed your first attempt,” she laughed.
You groaned internally about how you probably looked. “It was that bad?”
“Mhmm, I’ve seen worse tonight, so don’t sweat it.” She patted your shoulder in assurance. “I’m Allie by the way.”
“I’m y/n, nice to meet you,” you said with a smile.
Allie seemed to smirk at your introduction. “Oh trust me, I know who you are.”
You however, were certain you had never met this girl in your life. “Care to elaborate?” you asked.
“Your friend sent me over here to check on you.” She pointed behind her in the general direction of the massive living room, where you had last seen your friends.
“Please tell me Julie didn’t send you,” you groaned as you pressed your fingers against your temple.
“Yep, I believe that was her name,” she admitted.
You hesitantly looked over at her and made eye contact. “You really don’t have to hang out with me, you know that right?”
She shrugged. “I don’t have anything better to do, besides you don’t seem too bad.”
“You don’t seem too bad either Allie,” you agreed with a slight smirk.
“Well thank you, now your friend Julie tells me you’re over here moping about a boy?” she asked, though it was more of a statement. And it wasn’t a statement you could disagree with either.
“How much did she tell you?” you questioned.
“Not that much,” she answered with an anxious smile.
You continued to look at her, until she eventually sighed.
“Okay a decent amount, you don’t have to tell me anything, but would it help if I told you something about me to make it fair?” Allie suggested.
You couldn’t help but chuckle at her proposal but you agreed nonetheless.
“Well I was talking to this girl earlier, and I was going to get her number, but then I think she left before I could get it, and I’m really upset about it,” she started.
You took another swig of your drink and you continued to watch her as she continued.
“And she was wearing this bright orange top, and she had on these tall black heels and-” You cut Allie off as you realized the outfit she was describing sounded very familiar. Suddenly, the pieces fell into place.
“Wait, her name didn’t happen to be Flynn, did it?” you asked.
“Yes, it was! Do you know her?” she exclaimed.
“Are you kidding me, she’s one of my best friends!” you yelled.
“Do you think you could pass my number along to her?” Allie timidly questioned.
“Of course! Flynn mentioned something about there being a girl she met, but she had to go because her mom was coming home,” you explained.
Allie clasped her hand to her mouth. “She mentioned me?”
You nodded your head, you briefly considered telling her that Flynn had called her pretty too, but you decided that you would leave it up to Flynn to tell her that. After she had calmed down you handed your phone over to her to write down her number, which you immediately sent to Flynn. Not even a full minute later, Flynn had texted her.
Allie let out a small screech of excitement. “You are my guardian angel y/n!” she praised you.
You giggled at her compliment, “I didn’t even do anything.”
She tilted her head down at you to glare. “You saved me from never being able to contact her again, I will not be accepting that as an answer.”
You raised your hands in surrender. “Alright, you’re welcome then, but I do expect to be the first person on your wedding guest list,” you sarcastically commented.
“If this works out, hell, you can be my maid of honor,” she remarked.
You laughed hard enough at her retort that you nearly fell off of your stool, but you managed to pull yourself together when you realized Allie was still trying to talk to you.
“But now you have to let me pay you back,” she insisted.
You raised your eyebrows in confusion.
“You got me in contact with Flynn, so now I want to help you with your boy troubles,” she explained.
You internally debated for a couple minutes before eventually agreeing to accept her help.
“Okay, so tell me anything and everything you want to about him.”
As you dived into your pity story, you felt your somber mood starting to come back. “His name is Luke, and we’ve been friends for a couple months now. We’re really close and we flirt all the time, but I think I’m only ever going to be a friend to him.”
Allie narrowed her eyes at you. “Did you just say you flirt all the time but you think he only wants to be friends?”
“Yeah.”
“You know that doesn’t make any sense, right?” she questioned.
“Well I think he flirts that way with everyone. I don’t think I’m special to him in that way,” you admitted.
“First of all, I don’t know how anyone could look at you and not see that you’re special, but what does your boy look like?”
You couldn’t quite figure out why that would help, but you told her anyways. As you finished, she opened her mouth to give her take.
“See that’s where I think you’re wrong, I’ve been here since your group got here. And I haven’t seen him look at anyone like he looked at you when you walked in.”
“And what way was that?” you questioned before taking another sip of your drink.
“Like he wants to fuck you,” Allie said seriously. You nearly did a spit take, but you managed to hold back your laughter long enough for you to swallow.
“Allie, I think you’ve got him pegged wrong.”
She opened her mouth to comment on your sentence, but you held up a finger. “I know I set myself up for that one, but don’t do it.”
“Fine, if you wanna take all the fun out of it,” she quipped.
As she was momentarily distracted by her phone, you glanced around the room. You quickly recognized one of the faces in the crowd, as none other than Luke himself. He soon turned around to see you watching him. He arched his eyebrows at you almost in challenge, and when you did the same to him, his lips quirked up in a smirk. You knew exactly what he had just started, and in turn, what you had agreed to.
It was a sort of unspoken game that the two of you played. Whoever was the first to lose their composure, lost. You had won a grand total of one time, by a means of which you would never tell anyone about. But that didn’t stop you from playing it.
You turned back to Allie who started up a conversation mostly entailing complaining about school. You tried to stay in the conversation, but your brain kept pulling you back to Luke. You shortly after gave in, and stole another glance from him as he was swaying side to side to the music coming from another room. He jutted his chin out with a satisfactory grin, but you refused to give him a win, and stuck your tongue out at him. You couldn’t hear him, but you could see him tutting at you and shaking his head. You rolled your eyes and gave him the finger. While you knew that would probably end up biting you in the butt later, it was fun in the moment.
“Earth to y/n,” Allie snapped, and you came out of your daze.
“What? I’m sorry,” you apologized.
“You’re fine, I just asked you what I should send to Flynn,” she continued. She tried to hand her phone over to you, but you pushed it back.
“Flynn will know it’s me if I help, that girl has like a sixth sense for when someone’s lying. How do you think Flynn and Julie know I like Luke?” you pointed out.
“Good point, I’ll think of something.” She went back to her phone as she puzzled at whatever Flynn had sent.
As you tilted your head up you realized that Luke was unmistakingly closer than he was earlier. You would’ve moved if it weren’t for the fact that you were sitting with Allie. Which was likely the reason why he had moved closer, because he knew you couldn’t move away.
As you locked eyes again Luke’s eyes quickly pulled downward as they trailed down and back up your frame. You fought hard not to smile but you covered it well by turning to toss your hair backwards. As you faced him again you could see him mouthing something. After he repeated it twice you realized he said ‘damn right’. You hoped you somehow could miraculously think of something to say, but your thought process had momentarily stopped because of him. Either he hadn’t noticed your loss in composure or you hadn’t done enough yet to lose, despite the fact that you were already in a flustered daze.
“Dude are you alright?” Allie asked.
“What? Yep! Definitely,” you stumbled out.
Allie didn’t buy your lie for a second. “Are you sure?”
You still weren’t fully present. “Yeah, sorry, I’m just a little bit distracted with the setting,” you said without thinking.
“The setting?” she repeated, and you realized what had just come out of your mouth.
“That was maybe a little weird,” you laughed.
“It’s cool, but can you help me choose what photo to send to Flynn?” She showed you her phone which had a handful of photos of her in various outfits and in different places. Your eyes flicked up from the phone for only a moment, to see that Luke had been waiting for you to look up. He never broke his piercing gaze as his tongue peeked out from behind his lips and scooped up to almost touch his tongue before rolling back down.
“Shit,” you hissed, looking downwards.
Allie finally started to connect the dots. She looked from you to where Luke stood, then back to you.
“Wait, that’s why you’ve been acting weird!” she exclaimed.
“Yes, but could you keep it down please? He doesn’t need to know that,” you whispered.
“Right, sorry,” she muttered. You realized you needed a distraction from the infuriating hot boy in front of you so you forced your attention to go back to Allie’s phone.
“Oh by the way, I think you should definitely go with this picture, your lighting is the best.” You pointed to the far left photo in the middle.
“Ooooh, good choice,” she agreed, as she took her phone back. “So what’s up with the boyfriend?” she absentmindedly questioned.
“Again not my boyfriend, but he’s being a little shit,” you loudly spoke the second part. You watched as Luke dawned his most innocent face as he mouthed the word ‘what’ to you. You scowled at him, but he looked at you with a rather satisfactory grin.
Allie watched your silent banter with amusement. “He is all up in your hair, isn’t he?” she teased.
“No he isn’t!” you protested. But as you looked back and he winked at you, you had to slap a hand over your mouth to keep from screaming, and you realized she may have had a point.
“Oh, he is so, but goodluck with that one, though something tells me you won’t need it.” She winked before standing up.
“Are you serious leaving me alone with him?” you complained.
“You know that’s what you want, and I’m pretty sure he wants that too.”
“Fine, you may have a point,” you conceded.
“But you better tell me all of the details by tomorrow,” she insisted as she made her way out of the kitchen.
“Same goes to you!” you called out.
Luke quickly came over to take your previous friends spot.
“It’s so weird how you never seem to win y/n,” he sarcastically commented.
You lightly slapped his knee. “Oh shut it Patterson.”
One of his eyebrows quirked up. “I thought that was my line.”
You knew you probably should’ve let it drop but you weren’t quite certain what he was trying to say. “Then what’s mine?”
“Make me,” he answered without hesitation.
You sharply inhaled and closed your eyes, before glaring. “You are so lucky you are hot.”
Luke’s eyes widened and his corners of his lips tilted up. “What was that?”
Truthfully, you hadn’t meant to say that out loud, but you were not going to tell him that. “Nothing that you need to hear a second time,” you retorted.
“But what if I want to?” he sweetly protested.
“Well then you’re gonna have to try harder than that,” you scoffed.
Luke swallowed hard and cleared his throat. “Can I kiss you?”
While the question momentarily confused you, you hungrily agreed, and in seconds his lips were against yours. He was just as starving for the taste for you as you were for him. The kiss quickly deepened as his hands clutched the back of your neck for support, and your hands were tangled in his hair. His tongue quickly took dominance over yours as your lips parted for one another. It felt like your whole body lit on fire as rainbows flashed in your closed eyes. You only pulled away out of the fear that you would pass out if you didn’t.
“That was better than I’ve imagined, and I’ve thought about it a lot,” Luke raspilly admitted.
After a couple deep breaths it dawned on him what had happened.
Luke scratched the back of his neck. “Did I just say that out loud?”
“Yep,” you giggled.
He looked at you pleadingly. “You have to promise me, you’re not going to tell anyone that.”
“Nope, I’m telling everyone,” you teased.
“Oh shut it.”
You looked at him with a certain type of fire in your eyes. “Make me.”
He spun you so your right ear was facing him as he whispered into it. “You know, I drove my car here,” he hinted.
“What are we going to tell the rest of the band?”
“We can figure that out later,” he assured you, as he took a hold of your hand.
As you felt his warmth pressed up against your skin, you knew that there was no part of you that wanted to say no. “Alright, but they can’t find out. Otherwise, I will never hear the end of it from Julie.” Luke grinned from ear to ear.
“You’ve got a deal princess,” he agreed as he led you to his car.
Unsurprisingly, they all did find out later, and the two of you had to endure their teasing and prodding for the entire ride home. But this didn’t bother either of you because you were both still too happy to care.
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nevertheless-moving · 3 years
Text
Suicidal Misunderstanding XIV
Part I - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  Part XI - - - - Part XII - - - - Part XIII
Star Wars Time Travel AU #27
Plo Koon woke to find himself chained in a dark room.
Somewhere behind him he could hear steady dripping; it was uncertain if that was deliberate or not.
He strained to discern anything in the dim light, but the walls of his prison refused to form into anything recognizable.
Cautiously, the trapped Master cast his senses out, only to find them reflected back at odd angles. He decided to wait before attempting to push any further past what his captor wished him to see.
Time passed strangely, but sooner than expected there was the sound of a pressurized airlock opening and, distantly, a raging ocean.
The airlock cycled through its rotation and Obi-Wan Kenobi stepped out of the amorphous shadows looking...decidedly worse for the wear. 
Plo ached at the sight. His normally carefully maintained beard was a scraggly mess. His robes hung tattered and bloodied. Of particular concern was how dry he looked, skin cracked and bleeding for want of water. The figure standing before him with a dead-eyed glare resembled less an accomplished Jedi Master and more the wretched husk of one. 
“Who are you?”  Obi-Wan's shade hissed. The chains around the Kel Dooran tightened. 
Well, however he might view himself and others...at least he’s willing to fight to defend what remains? At the bare minimum he’s not acting intentionally self destructive...
“Good Morning, Obi-Wan. I am a Jedi Master and your friend. I have been attempting to reach you through your rather impressive shielding. I must say, you’ve done a remarkable job confining me in this mental construct, its been sometime since anyone has managed to get the best of me in this arena.”
Obi-Wan snorted. “Don’t try and flatter me, you barely fought back. You could easily have forced your way anywhere, but for some reason you let me corral you, presumably to try and gain my trust. Now answer my question. Your presence is very much light so I doubt you’re Sidious or...Vader. I could be wrong obviously, but i can’t see either of themselves putting this much effort into that sort of mask...just tell me who you are, and why you’re with them.”
“I am Master Plo Koon, a High Council Member, and I am not unknown to you” he elaborated without hesitation. “I am glad that you can identify that I am a light force user. Can you not sense familiarity within my force presence, even so far within your domain?”
Obi-Wan reared back and the dripping noise in the corner stopped.
“It’s a trick. We might be in my head but that doesn’t mean I’m surrendering any of my thoughts to you,” Obi-Wan snarled. “I felt Plo Koon’s death, he was one of the first...and even if he somehow survived he would never work with the Sith to invade my mind. Never.”
“Obi-Wan. Listen to me. Please. I am not dead. I am not working with the Sith. I was brought in to reach you because no other method was working. You are in the healing halls at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant.” Plo spoke calmly, but implacably, “We believe you have either experienced a uniquely detailed vision, or a run in with a dark-sider. Whatever has happened, I can feel the lingering impression of unsafety. But here and now, you are not in any immediate physical danger. There must be something I can do to convince you of your present physical location.”
“A uniquely detailed vision, huh? ha!” Obi-Wan replied, gesturing wildly. “Ha! You expect me to believe that what, the last four years of my life were a detailed prophecy? Why?”
“You...believe you have lived years beyond the rest of us. I take it the- what you remember has been dangerous enough to warrant maintaining abnormally tight control over your mental walls, precluding simply reaching out to ascertain the truth yourself.”
“Clearly my control wasn’t enough if you’re in here.” Obi-Wan muttered.
“I do apologize for the intrusion, but we’ve already used every other tool at our disposal to reach you. I repeat, is there anything that can be done to convince you that you are, from your perspective, ‘in the past’. You are a High Council member with a grandpadawan. It’s been two years since the start of the clone wars. You recently finished an extended clean up of the Mon Cala sector after your victory.”
Obi-Wan stared at him curiously. “If I set a test and you fail, will you agree to dispense with the pretenses?”
Plo-Koon hesitated. “Perhaps I’m making this deal in bad faith, as I am know I am Plo-Koon, and that everything I have said is the truth... but I swear that if you somehow prove that neither of those things are true and I am secretly working for a sith lord, I will...reveal that.”
Obi-Wan sighed. “Best I’m going to get, I suppose.”
The chains holding Plo-Koon loosened. Before he could respond, there was a hurtling rising sensation that he struggled not to fight against. After a disorienting moment, he found himself in his own body, feeling vaguely seasick. Obi-Wan blinked awake, apparently unfazed by the precautionary bonds holding him in place. Master Aerdo’s gaze flicked between them intensely. Plo-Koon held up a clawed hand to forestall any interruption while the two gained their bearings.
Obi-Wan spoke first:
“Cihynglo’s Fourth Meditation”
“...What?” Koon replied, honestly confused.
“Cihynglo was a renowned Kashykian Jedi, her mediations are, well i suppose were considered a quintessential example of High Republic cosmic poetry.”
“I’m familiar with Cihynglo- my master used to speak of her fondly.” Plo Koon said slowly. “Though I can’t say I’m familiar with her Fourth Mediation.”
“Hmm. Yes, well her poetry in the last few decades of her life got increasingly, well, esoteric. While most of her work was widely translated and distributed, she requested that those who wished to read her fourth Meditations do so in person, so as to experience without dilution the full calligraphy and artwork that accompanied her words. She only ever produced two copies. Any guesses where they were kept?”
Obi-Wan’s voice started out in the steady tones of a born lecturer, only to grow bitter towards the end.
“Is one in the temple?” Master Koon asked.
“Yes, one was held in the Master’s wing of the temple archives. The other was housed in a place of honor in The White Forest’s Great Tree of Knowledge. Considering both libraries were reduced to ash in the first month of the Empire, it is quite impossible, even for the Emperor, to find a copy.” 
His vague attempt at a smirk quickly fell flat. 
“I was privileged enough to be granted time to begin reading it once, but, alas, an emergency situation in the intergalactic war you created meant that I had to run off mid-sonnet. Bring me that book, let me hold it, read it, and I will believe that I somehow unlocked the secret of time-travel while overdosing on Spice.” 
Obi-Wan paused, catching his breath. “In the next fifteen minutes, please. Any more than that and you might try tracking down the few surviving Wookie scholars.” Koon flipped open his comm. “Master Nu, I have an urgent request.”
“Nu here, go on,” came the response.
“This may sound strange, but it is crucial that Cihynglo’s Fourth Meditation be brought to the healing halls, room seven. Within the next 15 minutes.”
“You do understand you’re talking about a physical book, not a flimsi-stack or a holocron. It’s not meant to leave a climate-controlled room.”
“I promise you, I would not ask if it weren’t life or death. Please Jocasta, I’ll explain later.”
“I’ll be there in 10. It had better be one durned good explanation.”
Obi-Wan looked bemused. ”You’re setting yourself up for failure.”
“I am glad you were able to come up with a test you found meaningful. Remember, you have friends here, regardless of whether you experienced subjective time travel or an incredibly detailed vision.”
They waited a little longer. Obi-Wan critically examined Master Aerdo.
“I’m a Senior Soul Healer” they offered at the non-verbal prompting.
“How interesting.” Obi-Wan remarked dryly.
They sat in awkward silence for another minute. 
They were all equally trained in suppressing fidgets, coughs, or other nervous tics, which made the wait that slightest bit more unbearable, each second nearly imperceptible from the one before.
Eventually the sound of heavy boots moving at speed approached.
Master Nu strode in, gently cradling a great burden. The book gleamed large and vital in the light of its stasis wrap. Her eyes widened at they took in Obi-Wan, still cuffed to the bed. 
“Cihynglo’s Fourth Meditation, as asked for. I trust you have an excellent explanation for how a book of poetry is a matter of life or death.”
“I’m hoping that it will convince our friend Master Kenobi that I am who I claim to be and we are where I claim we are.” Koon gently pulled the book from her grasp and reverently placed it on Obi-Wan’s lap. Obi-Wan stared at it uncomprehendingly.
“Obi-Wan, I’m going to uncuff you now. I trust that you will use your freedom to examine our ‘proof.’ We will physically intercede if you make any attempts at self harm.”
Master Nu gasped. “Then the temple rumors...I don’t understand.”
Obi Wan picked up the book as if he was afraid it might bite him. With an irritated snort, he opened brusquely to the middle, and began carelessly flipping ahead.
Master Nu started forward, offended, but Plo Koon held her back. “Please Master Nu, patience-”
Finally Obi-Wan seemed to reach the page he was looking for and stopped. “..And still the rain fell like blood of the womb” he murmured. “That...I tried to think of how the line ended but I...”
Everyone watched as the book shook in Obi-Wan's grasp. He turned the page, gasping slightly and murmuring as he read. “This is...a little gross, but oddly touching. I certainly would not have come up with it myself...but its so clearly...” They watched his react, eyes darting wildly and brow furrowing in confusion.
Several pages later he dropped the book abruptly.
“This is impossible,” he gasped.
Nu darted forward, carefully snatching it from his lap, "I am endeavoring to practice tolerance, but how is destroying an irreplaceable piece of literature supposed to help anyone?!” she snapped
“I admit I wondered that myself, but when I imagined what harm the Sith could do with some of the archive’s more practical works, I understood your decision to torch the collection” Obi-Wan responded dreamily. “I suppose the more beautific works would likely have been destroyed anyway...”
“Torch the archives? I would never.”
“But you did,” Obi-Wan insisted feverishly. “I found your message when we searching for survivors. There were so many bodies piled at the archive door that I was almost hopeful that they had managed to...but I suppose they held out just long enough for you to complete your task.”
Nu backed away slowly. “That sounds like quite the disturbing vision, Master Kenobi.”
“It wasn’t just a vision, it was my life. It-visions don’t last years!” he said, finally growing hysterical. “I remember everything! That gods-awful mission to Cato Nemodia! Getting takeout food with Anakin! The smell of burning flesh in the creche! Singing to Luke! The last year of the war! All of you! You crying after Dooku’s death,” he added gesturing wildly at the archivist. “It was so awkward! You were embarrassed! You told me that for some stupid reason you had ‘held out hope’ it was all an insane uncover mission, that he wasn’t really- Three years alone in the desert! I remember three years of living on fucking Tatooine, how could that possibly be a vision!”
“I...hadn’t told anyone that,” Nu whispered with a hint of alarm. She glanced at Plo Koon, daring him to comment. “I know its very much unlikely at this point, and by any measure, he’s taken things too far, but he’s gone on such long shadow missions in the past...” she looked away.
“Oh, Jocasta...” Plo sighed.
“Master Kenobi. I cannot explain how you came to have such detailed knowledge of the future,” Aerdo said, drawing focus back to the bewildered Obi-Wan, who had shifted into a defensive crouch on the bed. “But I do know one reasonably sure fire way to establish that this, us, is the present. Open yourself up to the force, please, just let yourself listen to what it has to say.
“I...want to, of course I want to believe- but the idea that I’m here- it’s, if you’re real than you can’t possibly understand, its too good to be true.” Obi-Wan responded brokenly.
“I know things have been clouded of late, but, if nothing else trust in the force to not lie to you.” Plo-Koon urged. “If you keep closing yourself off like this, how can you possibly learn if things are better than you think”
Obi-Wan collapsed from his crouch, knees folding underneath.
“If I am...even if I am in the past... Sideous might be watching...i didn’t- i don’t know the extent of his gaze- even if...” he trailed off.
“If it makes you feel safer, you are of course free to again raise your shields to whatever extent you feel necessary once you have verified your reality.” Aerdo replied smoothly.
Obi-Wan looked warily at the three Jedi in the room.“I...” he started, trying to articulate the swelling hope and fear only to find himself at a loss for words.
Aerdo shot him a reassuring smile, “If you don’t feel ready right now, that’s perfectly understandable. We’re very happy you’re willing to reach out as much as you have already. Would you like to pause this discussion for now so we can find you something to eat? I believe a simple broth is a customary first post-bacta meal, but if you have any special requests I’ll do what I can.”
Obi-Wan let out a deep breath, dropping his head into his hands. “I- I need to know, don’t I?” he mumbled. “Force help me...you win.” He took one last, searching look at the faces of his fellow Jedi before closing his eyes and surrendering himself to the force.
He opened a small hole in his mental barricades and tentatively allowed his thoughts to drip out. Tentatively, he trickled over the bank of Plo Koon’s being (expecting a frigid burn) only to find a warm and heartbreakingly familiar pool of tempered kindness. 
He ran, slightly faster now, over the other Jedi presences in the room. Having finished his course without encountering any dark undertow, he ebbed back. There was an indistinct impression of something heavy giving way.
Obi-Wan’s Shields Fell Like A Dam Beneath a Tidal Wave -
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canary3d-obsessed · 3 years
Text
Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 18, second part
(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff) (Previous Post)
Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
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Hey OP where’s the funny header gif for this post? Sorry, it was murdered by an angst demon and the framing of these shots.
My Found Family Came to Find Me
Continuing our flashback from last time, we see Baby Wei Ying up a tree, refusing to come down because he's afraid there are dogs. Eventually he falls out of the tree, like a dumbass a child, and Yanli tries but fails to catch him. 
Unlike his grownup counterpart, Baby Wei Ying doesn't pretend he's unhurt when he is hurt. I'd like to put the change at Yu Ziyuan's door, but actually he admits to being hurt during his Gusu summer - he mimics Lan Zhan's stoicism when they're getting beaten, but it doesn't come naturally to him, and he whines a lot afterwards. 
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By the time of the Animatronic Dog incident, however, he's laughing off obvious injuries that have secret trauma behind them. By the time he comes back, coreless, from the burial mounds, he won't confide in anyone about his hurts any more, except possibly Wen Qing.
Yanli carries Wei Ying, in a sequence that will be echoed much later in his life when Lan Zhan carries him (gifset here). While they head back, she tells him that Jiang Cheng has a bad temper and to ignore whatever mean things he says. This will also be echoed in the future, when Wei Wuxian says it to Lan Zhan after their argument with Jiang Cheng in the shrine.
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Yanli also explains that Jiang Cheng loved his dogs and that he's been very sad since Jiang Fengmian sent them away, demonstrating once again that Jiang Fengmian is a terrible father. Yanli says that Jiang Cheng will be happy to have a friend with him, though. This kind of makes Wei Wuxian's role in Jiang Cheng's life "replacement dog."
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Jiang Cheng, after getting over this particular snit, got worried about Wei Wuxian and woke up Yanli to find him, and then went wandering around in the dark like a dumbass a child, and is banged up and crying when the other two find him. Yanli encourages him to apologize to Wei Wuxian and he does, which will not happen again until the very end of the show.  
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They all smile and laugh together, as Wei Ying looks to Yanli to guide him through the insanity that his life has suddenly become. 
(more behind the cut!)
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They head back to Lotus Pier in a sweet montage of walking and smiling together, with Jiang Cheng carrying the world's most beautiful candle holder with the world's most wind-resistant candle in it, to light their way back. Back in the present day for a brief moment, Jiang Cheng pretends to sleep and listens to his sister insisting that the three of them should always stay together, while a single tear rolls down the side of his face.
Soup is Love, Chapter 1 of 1000
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Then we head to the past again. In Jiang Cheng & Wei Ying's now-shared room, Wei Ying sits on the bed trying to figure out how to deal with his grumpy new roommate.
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Wei Ying is unsure what to do when confronted with pajama game this strong. Tiny Jiang Cheng is already a fashion king. 
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Then he tells Jiang Cheng he's not going to narc him out to the clan leader, since it was his own fault that he hurt his leg. This is all Jiang Cheng needs to hear to decide Wei Ying is all right, and he says that he will help Wei Ying chase away dogs in the future.  In fact, Wei Wuxian will protect Jiang Cheng from punishment basically forever, while Jiang Cheng will continue to threaten Wei Wuxian with dogs...forever.
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They shake hands on their new understanding and then jump up and down laughing, Wei Ying's leg being all better now, apparently.  When Yanli arrives (carrying a tray of...can you guess? I'll let you guess), they stop jumping. Wei Ying dives in to give Jiang Cheng a little tickle/embrace in an adorable moment that would have me saying "oh, my ovaries!" if I hadn't surgically sent my ovaries to hell a few years ago.
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Yanli introduces Wei Ying to the emotional and gustatorial miracle that is her lotus and ribs soup. He hesitates a long time before tucking in because he's so unused to being fed.
Consent? I Don’t Even Know Her
The flashback wraps up with Yanli conked out on the table from the drugs in the incense burner, while Wei Wuxian, who is somehow unaffected despite sitting almost as close to the smoke as she was, checks on her. Jiang Cheng and his Uggs period-appropriate sock thingies get out of bed to come stand with Wei Wuxian, and have feelings about sending Yanli away after she JUST said she doesn't want to be parted from them.
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Wei Wuxian: If she didn't want us to do this, she shouldn't have signed that blanket consent-to-medical-treatment form.   Jiang Cheng: Wen Qing made me sign one of those plus a durable power of attorney, is that bad?
This episode is all about people overriding each others' agency and making massively important decisions without the consent of the people who will be affected. But in a feudal context, it's not a violation, no matter how it feels to the person being controlled. In feudal life, your body belongs to your lord -- your sect leader, in the world of CQL. Jiang Yanli and Jiang Cheng's choices are overridden by their clan leader's final command to Wei Wuxian.  Wei Wuxian's core is arguably Jiang Fengmian's property--Wei Wuxian certainly sees it that way, just as his hand was Yu Ziyuan's to take if she wished.  
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The brothers tenderly tuck Yanli into bed in the rolly cart and hand her off to Song Lan. They talk about how important it is to get her to Lanling and that she's probably going to be mad, as they thank Song Lan for helping them. 
Yanli listens while she sleeps and, in what is becoming a trademark Jiang move, lets a single tear roll down the side of her face. Jiang Cheng points out that Yanli never gets mad at Wei Wuxian and Wei Wuxian is like, true dat.
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?
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Song Lan is always so emotional about every damn thing, I love him. Here he's like OH GOD NO DON'T FORMALLY THANK ME! STOP!!!
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Then he starts to ask Wei Wuxian to pass a message to Song Xingchen for him, but then decides not to say anything, making it super obvious that they fought and aren't together. 
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Wei Wuxian reacts to this with confusion and distress, probably because he doesn't want to imagine ever having a breakup with his own soulmate. Which he soon will be having.  But possibly he's just upset that his OTP broke up.
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After Song Lan takes off, Jiang Cheng gives Wen Qing a rude & perfunctory thank-you bow, turning away before she can return it. Wei Wuxian tells her not to take it to heart - basically everyone who deals with Jiang Cheng gets a version of the "ignore what he says" speech. She says she understands and that in his place she would have behaved worse, which is so totally not true.  
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Then she asks Wei Wuxian if he's sure about the core transfer (not in so many words, because the script is being kind of being vague about it, without actually hiding what's happening). His reply pretty much encapsulates the whole Wei Wuxian experience.
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Then he and Jiang Cheng walk off, with Jiang Cheng giving us a rear view that had me googling Wang Zhuocheng's fashion shoots to determine if that wagon he's draggin’ is really as delightful as this belt makes it look. Alas, there is not a wealth of photographic evidence for this research, as compared to, for example, photos of Xiao Zhan's outstanding ass.
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Wen Qing and Wen Ning see them off, with Wen Qing wishing they valued their lives more. Although, what she and Wen Ning are doing is massive treason, so their lives will be pretty much forfeit if they're caught, so...
The Sunshot Campaign of Like 60 Dudes
Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng walk up the mountain for the whole beginning of the Sunshot campaign, which...okay. Maybe it's like Dunkirk or The Witcher where they intercut stuff that is happening in different timeframes, which is one of my least favorite new film style thingies.
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You know, for a guy Wei Wuxian constantly calls "peacock," Jin Ziyuan really doesn't wear a lot of adornment; just some subtle metalwork on his belt with no dangly bits at all, and a single reasonably-sized hair crown. Compared to the extremely fancy Lan Wangji he's almost plain. We already know that Wei Wuxian is a massive hypocrite when it comes to his idea of a perfect boy, however.
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So, this is the Lanling Jin army, which consists of literally 60 guys, including the ones on the stairs and Jin Zixuan and Douchebag Dad. How are they going to fight a war with this tiny group? Why do they have such a big plaza? Hasn't anybody on this production learned CGI cloning?
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That’s better.
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Nie Mingjue and his best bitch Baxia make quick work of the 4 Wen guys who were assigned to hold the Unclean Realm. 
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Hello, Daddy Da-Ge!
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Squeeee, it's Lan Wangji! He's taking back Cloud Recesses! Ooooohhh we've missed you Lan Wangji.
Look guys he's here! Look how beautiful he is. He's looking at the gate of cloud recesses and thinking thoughts that Lan Xichen or Wei Wuxian could probably see in his bewitching eyes if they were here to see him, which they aren't. But at least he is here!
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....and now he's gone again. *cries*
Hares On The Mountains
Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian continue roaming prettily around this pretty mountainside. The locations in this show are such eye candy. 
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Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains  Young laddies they run like hares on the mountains  If I was a young lass I’d soon go a hunting
Jiang Cheng starts to have doubts about the whole Baoshan Sanren thing. Wei Wuxian's reply pretty much encapsulates the whole Wei Wuxian experience.  
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Then we have just the tenderest blindfolding scene, (more gifs here), which is fodder for your ChengXian dreams, if you have those.
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Here's a good place for a sidebar about what is and isn't incest. Whee! In the CDrama context, relationships tend to be more clearly defined than in western media. The mechanism of confession & acceptance means that people either are or are not in a romantic relationship, with few grey areas. So a character can literally say "we grew up as brother and sister, but now we are dating" and when someone looks startled they just say "there's no blood relation" and everyone is like "cool cool" and that's the new definition of the relationship.
For a strong example of this, the extremely wonderful Go Ahead is about a contemporary family in which a girl and two boys, who are not blood relatives, are all raised together, and call each other brother and sister. When they become adults, they and everyone around them expect the girl (now a woman) to marry one of the two men who have been her brothers, while whichever one she doesn't choose will carry on as her sibling. It's treated as the most natural, logical thing in the world; the only question is whether she wants to make that transition, and with whom.
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Looked at through this lens, Wei Wuxian's relationships with his adoptive siblings have just as much potential to turn into romances as his relationships with his friends do, and there's nothing creepy about it. As such you can expect my meta to always get into ChengXian moments without treating it as a wrong or forbidden love. Hopeless, of course, because Jiang Cheng is such a prick the power of WangXian is stronger, but that's a different matter.
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What is wrong is wearing this fantastic hat & veil combination when the most fashionable person on the mountain is blindfolded and can't see it.
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In the course of this blindfolded encounter with Wen Qing, Jiang Cheng gets to kneel before a powerful woman, be led along by a length of silk that's placed in his hand, and then knocked the fuck out and operated on. He'll wake up in a hotel room in a tub full of ice with "we took your kidney" written on the mirror in lipstick, and he'll love every minute of it.  
Soundtrack: 1. Still Fighting it, by Ben Folds 2. Hares on the Mountain, by Steeleye Span
Writing Prompt: The NEXT time somebody blindfolds Jiang Cheng
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poutyyybangtan · 3 years
Text
ready or not - j.jk
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genre: friends to lovers, enemy to lovers, (almost a slow burn?), a mix of everything lol  character pairing: jeon jungkook 9bts) x female oc warnings: not really any lol just angsty fluff kinda stuff word count: 5.4k (it’s alot) authors note: i wrote this months ago and it’s not finished but i can finish it if yall want? let me know :)
______
(prompts from @im-here-to-help-you-all-write​)
“i think the longer you look at it, the worse it gets.” “yeah, kinda like your face.”
“i need your help.” “holy shit, i never thought i’d hear you say that.’ “please don’t rub it in right now.”
“i don’t feel like i’m ready for this yet” “you’re going to have to be, because we’re out of time.”
you can’t believe you actually had to do this. the last person you ever wanted to look at was your only shot at getting out of the situation you brought upon yourself. you had originally counted on one of your other friends to help you out, but of course, life never seemed to work out the way you wanted it to. 
“jin, please. can’t you just cancel and come with me?” you begged, watching as your older companion continued to chop away at some vegetables. 
“you know i would love to help bamboozle your family with my impeccable acting skills, but unfortunately, i do have a business to run. this weekend is a big deal for the restaurant and joon would kill me if i left him alone to handle such a thing. and besides, we all know joon can’t toast bread without having to call the fire department first,” jin laughs. you laugh softly, knowing jin had a point. poor namjoon had amazing business skills, but unfortunately that means he lacks in the cooking department. 
“i guess you’re right,” you mumble begrudgingly. 
“why not ask jimin if he can go?” jin asks, sliding the chopped vegetables into a pot.
“my mom knows him, she’ll know something isn’t right. and besides, he and hobi are going to a dance camp for school,” you shrug.
“and tae? yoongi?” jin asks.
“he’s got that test retake for his photography class and yoongs has an audition for an entertainment company in gangnam,” you sigh. you’re really proud of all your friends and the successes they have, but you really wished they could’ve helped you in your time of need. but you couldn’t be that selfish, so maybe you had to admit defeat. 
“you know, you could just ask jungkook,” jin asks nonchalantly. 
“you know i can’t do that,” you answer bluntly, refusing to even entertain the idea.
“i mean, you could,” jin laughs, putting the lid on the pot and onto the stove top, turning to you afterwards.
“jin, you know i can’t. he is the last person on earth i would ask to help me. i would rather die of embarrassment than to ask him for his help,” you dramatically claim.
“you just might if you don’t ask. besides, what's the big deal? it’s only for a weekend,” jin shrugs.
“yeah, a whole weekend of him pretending to be my boyfriend. jin, we can barely tolerate each other as is, having us cooped up together and pretending like we actually like each other is a whole other ball game,” you said.
“well, here’s the way i look at it. either you tell your mother that you don’t have a boyfriend and face embarrassment at your mother's wedding, or you can suck it up, ask jungkook nicely to do you this one favor, and have fun this weekend. you never know, jungkook might actually be up for it,” jin says, an underlying suggestive tone in his voice; one that you never caught.
you had to admit, jin was right. as painful as it was, jungkook was your only chance at escaping this nightmarish weekend. 
-
you found jungkook in his usual zone of comfort: with his lips attached to some random girl he probably barely knew. you found yourself scrunching your face in distaste. such a vulgar display in a library no less. you huffed off your second doubts and approached the table with confidence. you noticed that neither party acknowledged your presence, so you knocked on the table to gain their attention. reluctantly, the girl pulled away first to throw you a bitter look.
“jeon, can we talk?” you say softly, not trying to cause a disturbance.
“i’m kind of busy, can’t it wait?” jungkook asks, a smug look on his face, the girl sat next to him donned a complacent smile on hers.
“please, i saw you making out with some bimbo blonde yesterday, i’m sure you can find some other toy to play with when we’re done,” you smirk, watching the look on the girls face fall with every passing word that escaped your lips. she glanced over at jungkook with disgust before grabbing her belongings and walking away in a fit.
“great, well there goes my whole afternoon,” jungkook scoffs. he leans into his chair, folding his arms over his chest.
“you’ll deal. look, i need your help,” you admit, much to your dismay.
“holy shit, i never thought i’d hear you say that,” jungkook laughs ironically.
“please don’t rub it in right now,” you groan.
“how can i offer my service to you?” jungkook smirks, looking up at your obviously irritated figure.
“i need... i can’t believe i’m saying this. i need you to be my boyfriend for the weekend,” you spit out.
“you what?” jungkook asks incredulously. you don’t blame him for his confusion. what you were asking was heinous, add to the fact that you two barely tolerated each other? it was the biggest taboo situation you could’ve put yourself in. but you were desperate.
your mother, as loving as she was, was relentless. she just wanted the best for you. you were about to graduate college soon, about to get a real career and be a real adult. and to her, that meant start a family as soon as possible. and that couldn’t happen without being in a relationship first. and what better way than to hook your daughter up at a gathering for family friends? cause nothing says love like a wedding, right?
“what’s in it for me?” jungkook asks. you looked at him in disbelief.
“wait, you’re actually considering it?” you asked.
“well, you gave me a proposition, so why not?” jungkook asks. 
“uh, because we’re not necessarily friends? it’s not like you owe me anything to even consider the idea,” you chuckle.
“you might not be my friend, but that doesn’t mean i’m not yours,” jungkook shrugs, finally standing up and collecting his scattered books. you hadn’t actually noticed them before, you just thought that the library was a good place for jungkook to hook up, not an actual study zone. 
“well, uh, what do you have in mind?” you asked, answering his question finally. 
“i need a date for this work thing, and my usual hookups aren't going to cut it. they’re not exactly what you would say… modest?” jungkook jokes, causing you to laugh a little bit. 
“sound like a deal?” jungkook asks after a moment of silence passes. you pretend to consider his proposition, as if you actually had a choice. you look up at him and you can see that he saw that too.
“what kind of work thing?”
=
“where are you going?” jimin asks, watching you step out of your bedroom clad in a cocktail dress. you really would’ve rather been at your shared apartment, cuddled up next to jimin and tae watching some horror film eating greasy food, but alas, you had to uphold your end of the bargain.
“remember i told you that in order for jungkook to uphold his end, i have to uphold mine? apparently, he works at some magazine company and they’re having a company gathering to celebrate the issue's 90th anniversary and he needed me to come with,” you groan, strapping on your heels. 
“you’re going all out for this,” taehyung comments, a teasing tone hidden in his words. you looked up and glared at him, knowing what he meant.
“if i put forth 100%, maybe he will too,” you say. 
“oh, he most definitely will be putting in 100% effort,” jimin says, low enough for only taehyung to hear which makes him giggle. you look up and see jimin smirking at you which makes you groan internally. 
suddenly, the doorbell rings and you thank whatever being there is that saves you from the conversation that was happening, with or without your participation. you pull the door open and the first thing you see is jungkook, properly dressed head to toe. you notice the bow tie pressed snuggly against his neck, not a wrinkle in his suit jacket or his dress shirt. his long hair was parted down the middle, brushed out out of his eye. you hated to admit it, but he looked breathtakingly beautiful. 
“wow,” jungkook finally says, eyeing you in a way that made the blood pool in your cheeks. 
“uh, yeah. let’s- let’s go,” you murmur, noticing the boys in the living room giggling at your guys’ interaction. you shove him in his chest. he grabs your hands and laughs, pulling you out the door.
“what did i miss?” jungkook asks. you roll your eyes, noticing the way jungkook held onto your hand, even after you got further and further away from your apartment, but not minding the warmth his hand provided against your cold one. 
“trust me, nothing you want to hear, and nothing i’m willing to repeat,” you scoff.
=
jungkook was right. he had warned you beforehand that everyone at his job was stuck up and snobbish and would continuously point out that fact that you were no model. and like he had forewarned, all you heard all night was “you’re too pretty not to be a model” or “jungkook ended up with you?” you were appalled, sure, but you didn’t take their words to heart. you don’t know these people, and after tonight, you’re never going to see them again. 
but jungkook flinched every time someone opened their mouth. he felt bad for you, but when he saw you delicately handle the situation, he knew you would be fine. still, it didn’t make him feel any less bad. 
“we can leave whenever you want, you know?” jungkook whispers into your ear. you look up at him and smile.
“sounds like you’re using me as an excuse to ditch this snooze fest,” you giggle. jungkook smiles back down at you and laughs with you.
“busted,” he finally says.
“thank god, let’s ditch these runway wannabes and get some pizza. i’m starved,” you groan, looking away, missing the endearing glance he tosses your way. you both ditch the stuffy building, and headed to a late night pizza shop down the corner. you sigh in relief once you step into the restaurant, inhaling the smell of cheese and dough. you both decide to seat yourselves in a booth in the corner of the dining area.  once you both place your orders, you settle into a comfortable silence. 
“so, what caused you to conjure up this boyfriend lie?” jungkook asked after awhile. 
“my mom thinks that i need to be in a relationship to be happy since i’m getting ready to enter the real world,” you sigh, rolling your eyes and leaning into your elbows that rested on the table.
“thats stupid,” jungkook scoffs, leaning into the booth. you were caught off guard by this, expecting jungkook to somewhat agree with your mother.
“you look surprised,” he says, gauging your reaction.
“i kind of am. not gonna lie, i was expecting you to agree with her,” you say, shrugging. the waiter brings your slices and leaves you two alone, settling back into the conversation.
“no way. if you want to be single, you should. i’m sure you’re single by choice anyways,” jungkook says, picking up his pizza and taking a huge bite of it.
“what do you mean?” you ask him, slightly confused behind the intentions of his sentence. 
“i just mean that you’re insanely smart, funny and talented. and you’re extremely beautiful. if you wanted any guy, you could have him,” jungkook shrugs, munching on his pizza in peace. meanwhile, his statement sent you into a frenzy. who knew jeon jungkook thought so highly of you. you were under the impression that he dispised your entire being. he never really complimented you before, so his statement shocked you. 
“never knew you thought so highly of me,” you said, smiling to yourself. you can’t really explain it and you don’t know why, but knowing how jungkook truly felt about you made you extremely happy. 
“there’s a lot you don’t now about me,” he winks, causing you to roll your eyes and eat your pizza. and yet again, you missed the way jungkook smiled at you, enjoying your presence more than he would care to admit to. 
=
“i don’t feel like i’m ready for this yet,” you murmur, feeling your hands start to shake as you stood outside the venue. 
“you’re going to have to be, because we’re out of time,” jungkook smiles, taking hold of your hand and waltzing you two into the building. your mom had asked you to come early for a surprise so you decided to give her a surprise of your own.
“jungkook, maybe we should say you caught food poisoning and we had to leave,” you murmured as jungkook continued to drag you further and further into the building. jungkook smiled at your child-like nature and shook his head.
“we’ve come too far to give up now. let’s just rock this and get home,” he says, smiling at you. you felt a sudden urge of confidence that surges through you and gives you enough momentum to swing open the doors of the chapel hall. you were taken aback by the way the chairs are decorated with white pieces, hanging off the backs. you take notice of the pale yellow and white combo that you didn’t think would match so well. you felt happy for your mom and that she met someone who loved her so much that they were willing to do this for her to cherish the day.
“it’s beautiful,” you gape, admiring all the minute details your mother probably agonized over. jungkook admired the astonished look on your face as you practically ignored his presence to take in your surroundings. he always found you beautiful, but watching you be you while nobody was looking was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. jungkook had the biggest crush on you for as long as he could remember. and he refused to even fathom the thought of confessing to you when he knew how you felt. he knew you couldn’t stand his lifestyle, his choices that he’s made regrettably. but how else was he supposed to cope with the fact with the one person he’s allowed to steal his heart hates him. 
“ah, there you are,” a voice says from behind you two. you both turn around and you see your mom, hair curlers and full glam. 
“hi mama,” you smile, running up to her and giving her a big hug. 
“hi sweet pea,” your mama coos, swaying you both back and forth. you pull back and look behind you to see jeon smiling at the interaction. this made your heart jump for a split second before you returned back to your surroundings.
“ma, this is my boyfriend, jeon jungkook,” you smile. 
“oh my, you’re so handsome,” your mother gushes, rushing up to him and pulling him into a hug.
“thank you,” jungkook smiles, blushing slightly. you’ve never seen jeon blush before and to see him in a such a fragile state made you happy. and you couldn’t seem to figure out why. your mom finally released jeon from her clutches and she turned back to you. 
“hun, i’ve got a surprise for you. follow me,” she says, grabbing yours and jeon’s hands dragging you to what you assumed was the dressing room. there were two dresses that were covered hanging off of a clothing rack. your mom shoves you guys onto a couch and rushes over to the dresses.
“one of these beauties will be yours to wear for the wedding because… hon, will you be my maid of honor?” your mother asks, eyes full of stars that made your heart swell. you felt the air leave your lungs and your heart begin to race. you remember watching your mom struggle with love all her life, her face in a frown always. you’ve never seen your mom so happy now, and you would do anything just to see her happy. 
“ma, are you serious?” you ask, wanting to be sure this is what she really wanted. 
“of course baby,” she smiles. you jump up and hug her tightly, muttering a yes into her hair. you both squeal with delight, jumping in place like teenage girls. suddenly, another pair of arms are wrapped around you, chest pressed against your back. you managed to look up and see jungkook bouncing with you and your mom. 
“i wanted to join too,” jungkook says, his voice high pitched and filled with excitement which in response, made you giggle. you all finally stop bouncing and jungkook pulls you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you, catching you off guard. you felt your heart race and you swore his heartbeat matched yours. you brushed it off as it being the sudden activity you all had just endured.
“i’ll leave you two alone so you can try the dresses,” your mother says after she catches her breath, winking at you. 
“you’re just gonna let your daughter get undressed in front of her boyfriend alone?” you ask incredulously. 
“hon, he’s your boyfriend. i’m sure he’s seen more,” she giggles, exiting the room, leaving you with your jaw wide open. 
“can you believe this?” you ask, shocked at your mothers bold statement.
“i’ve always wondered where you get your vulgarity from,” jungkook teases, his chest causing a vibration that you felt in your back, reminding you of your close, read as nonexistent, proximity. you push yourself away and whip around to face him, catching a glimpse of him trying to fight the smile that tried its best to take place on his delicate features.
“i’m not vulgar and you’re not watching me change. however, i do need an opinion on the dresses, so i guess you can stay,” you say, walking past him to try on the dresses. you snatch both of them of the rack and head into the bathroom, changing into dress number one. 
at first you thought it was a joke, the frills and exotic colors making your eyes hurt from how loud it was. you tried it on anyway, and you couldn’t believe how ridiculous you looked. no way your mother was being serious when she picked this dress out. you unlocked the bathroom door and stopped your way to where jungkook was sitting on the couch, playing on his phone. you clear your throat to capture his attention and you nearly explode with the laughter with the way his eyes widen and face drops.
“what do you think?” you ask him, twirling around in the godforsaken dress you know your mother probably bought as a joke. 
“i think the longer you look at it, the worse it gets,” jungkook says, a dumbfounded look on his face. you withhold your laughter and stare at him in distaste.
“yeah like your face,” you scoff, playing with the dress as if you actually admired it. 
“are you gonna wear that?” he asks, secretly hoping you’d say no so he could release a breathe he didn’t know he was holding. 
“well, i like it, don’t you?” you say, continuing to pretend like you actually were considering wearing this deafening dress. 
“uh.. if you like it then… sure,” jungkook says, shifting in his seat. you admired the fact that he was trying to cater to your feelings and for some reason it made your heart race at the thought. you don’t know whats been going on with you lately but every kind gesture has made your heart race with excitement. you didn’t know when it happened, but you started looking at jungkook as more and it scared you. you couldn’t be with him. you knew that. jungkook had a reputation, and he was proud of it. he was proud of the amount of women he could pull in one night. hell, in one hour. he was used to the idea that feelings were a concept he wasn’t willing to understand or try out. and you had to accept that.
“i’m messing with you gukkie. my mom probably bought this as a gag, the real dress is still in its cover,” you say laughing at jungkooks face that was contorted into one of discomfort. you leave him to relish in your teasing as you retreat back to the bathroom to change into the actual dress. you could still hear jungkook laugh to himself as you unzipped the dress to change into the other one. little did you know, he was laughing to himself about the nickname you gave him. he’s never had a nickname he actually enjoyed before. he was still lost in the thought of you calling him gukkie forever when you finally exited the bathroom.
he always thought those scenes in cheesy rom-com teen films where the guy is staring at the girl like she’s the only one that matters was cliche. but he was wrong. so very wrong. watching you in the tight floor length pale yellow dress that just made you glow knocked all the air out of his lungs. you’re hair that was in a messy ponytail allowed some pieces of hair to frame your face as you continued to fumble with the dress.
“it’s a little longer than i thought, but it fits well, yeah?” you say, still looking down at the gown. you honestly felt ridiculous. you rarely dress up like this. you hid your body underneath baggy clothing so to have something so tightly pressed against your body made you severely insecure. the silence coming from jungkook made everything worse. you looked up to see jungkook leaning forward, elbows resting on his thighs, hands holding his head up. there was a look in his eye you had never seen before and it made your stomach churn with excitement.
“that bad huh?” you joke, hoping to ease some of the tension that was building in the room. jungkook stands to his feet and approaches you, his body so close to yours you could feel the heat radiating off of his body. 
“you look beautiful,” jungkook says, smiling down at you. you feel yourself blush and begin to fumble with your fingers, a nervous tic jungkook found absolutely adorable. jungkook was helplessly in love with you, this much he knew. from the way you laughed, to the way you rolled your eyes in his presence. he loved the way you gave yourself wholly to the ones you cared about, willing and able to do any and everything for the people you love. he loved the way you strived to work hard and how incredibly intelligent you were. and suddenly, his heart was full with all the love he was dying to give you, but know he never could. because you deserved much more than some player who was willing to sleep with anything with legs. but if he could at least pretend like the love between you two was real, even if for a short while, he’ll take it. as desperate as he was, he wanted to know what it felt like to have you love him back. even if he knew it was all pretend. 
“jungkook, i can’t thank you enough for doing this. i know you would rather be in some girls bed trying to figure out a way to sneak out without her noticing, but i’m glad you’re here… with me,” you smile, hands gripping his bicep’s to keep him close. his cologne was hypnotizing, causing you to pull him closer and closer.
“there’s no place i would rather be,” jungkook said honestly, placing his hands onto your waist, allowing you to lean in. 
“you don’t mean that,” you scoff, smiling and rolling your eyes, getting ready to pull yourself back from a dangerous territory. jungkook stops this from happening, wrapping his arm around you til your pressed flush against his body. 
“you have no idea how bad i want you. all of you. mind, body and soul. but for right now, for the sake of our friendship and the momentum its growing, i will take you in whatever way you will allow me to have,” jungkooks says, forehead pressed against yours as he wills himself to hold back from pressing his lips against yours and taking you on the small couch in the dressing room. the words jungkook spoke so honestly made you shake from it’s intensity. 
“jungkook i--” 
“how’d the dress fit?” you mother asks, barging into the room. you and jungkook scramble apart from one another, him taking seat on the couch and you standing in front of him. you mother misses the way you two seemed highly unfocused and nervous as she coos over how adorable you look in the right dress. 
“you need to finish getting your hair and makeup done, so scooch along so me and your beautiful boyfriend can get to know each other,” your mother says shoving you out of the room and directing you to where the other bridesmaids were getting their hair and makeup done. it wasn’t until you were sat in the chair that you realized.. your mother and jungkook were alone. oh boy. 
=
you never felt so girly in your life. your hair was curled and put up in a half up half down situation, your makeup light and barely noticeable, but enough to tell you were wearing it. this wasn’t you, you didn’t like wearing makeup mainly because at the end of the day you forget to take it off and causes acne. you were working part time and went to school full time so you always left your hair in a ponytail or a bun. this look was new for you and you were kind of excited yet nervous for jungkook’s reaction. 
you surprised yourself with the thought, not really caring about jungkook’s opinions before, but now it was all you could think of, and that scared you. you knew this was just a favor he was owing to you, but he was really going above and beyond and it warmed your heart. but you had to remind yourself that you were just friends, nothing more. hell, you were barely friends. had it not been for you incessant need to prove yourself to your mom, you two would’ve never even became cordial with one another. 
you brush these thoughts aside, trying to manifest positive vibes for such a joyous occasion. you leave the dressing room, filled with chatter, in search of jungkook who may be suffering your mother’s constant conversation. you return back to the room you first were in when you arrived, catching your mother exiting the room. 
“you didn’t scare him off, did you?” you tease, hugging your mom. 
“honey, you look beautiful!,” your mom gushes, taking in the sight of her daughter. you smile and thank her, happy that she was happy.
“is he still in there?” you ask, nodding towards the door she came out of. she giggled and placed her hands on your shoulder. 
“he is, and he is absolutely in love with you,” she smiles, causing you to furrow your eyebrows.
“what do you mean?” you ask, your heart starting to race. 
“the way he talks about you, the way his eyes gleam with love with the mere thought of you. hunny, this man is undoubtedly in love with you,” she smiles. you couldn’t believe what you were hearing, there was no way that jeon jungkook, the university playboy, is in love with you. you two barely conversed without an argument taking place. you doubt he knew anything about you, despite you two running in the same circles. sure, you knew a lot about him, just because your friends talked about him a lot and it was hard not to listen to sometimes. 
“you’re crazy ma. you need to finish getting ready, the weddings going to start soon,” you laugh, trying to brush off the conversation. 
“jungkook is in there getting ready, one of robert’s groomsmen caught food poisoning so he’s gonna walk down the aisle with your cousin, sam,” she said, rushing off to get ready, leaving you no room to reply. this wasn’t what he signed up for and you felt bad, so you went into the room to check on him. you caught him standing in front of the vanity, trying to finish off his tie. you had seen jungkook dressed up before, but there was something different about this time. you felt something more for him, and honestly, you always have. but his reputation…
“looking sharp,” you smile, looking up at him. his eyes meet yours in the mirror and he smiles, and this time you see it. the love your mother was talking about.
“you look beautiful, as usual,” he says, his charm peeking through. you scoff at his comment, walking up to him. you seemed small compared to him, and it was kind of an odd sight for you. you leaned your head against his shoulder, just staring at him staring at you through the mirror. 
“something on your mind?” he asks, noticing how lost in thought you were. you focus in on him and the surroundings around you.
“my ma said something interesting earlier that’s got me thinking is all,” you say, hoping he wouldn’t press the issue much further. you didn’t want to make the air awkward or uncomfortable by trying to involve feelings, but a big part of you want to know how he feels from his own lips. 
“what did she say?” he asked, his nerves jumping. he didn’t say anything wrong did he? he tried to be as cordial and respectful as possible, wanting your mother to like him. if things were to happen in the future, he didn’t want to be on bad terms with your mother. 
“she said… she said that you love me?” you murmur, you heart caught in your throat now that the truth was out there and you can’t take it back. jungkook froze, caught off guard by your confession. he wanted to play it off like it wasn’t true, that your mother was delusional. but he knew the truth. and he knew that you also knew it too. he wanted you. he’s always wanted you. and now, he’s presented with the opportunity to have you in any way he wants and he can’t make the move to move forward.
“is it true?” you ask, trying to get a clear and concise answer. you’re not sure what’s going to happen, regardless of what his answer is, but the anxiety of not knowing is starting to kill you. you shouldn’t be forcing him to confess, but now that it was out there in the air, you couldn’t take it back. maybe you should tell him?
“if you’re not comfortable talking about it it’s o--”
“i love you,” he blurts, interrupting you. you pick your head up off of his shoulder and now you’re standing side by side, staring at him through the vanity mirror. you’re frozen, unsure of what to do now. you didn’t actually think he was going to say it. you thought your mother was pulling your leg. but she didn’t know that you two weren’t actually a couple and maybe that’s why you had hoped what she said was true. 
“did you hear me?” he asks, voice laced with nerves. he couldn’t even begin to explain the amount of fear and vulnerability he was feeling at the moment. he meant it. he loved you. but why should you believe him. he was a playboy, and though you may never understand his reasons as to why he tried so hard to escape you by sleeping with other people, he wanted nothing more for you to believe him now. 
“i did,” you whisper, afraid that the sound of your beating heart was louder than the words you spoke. you wanted him, god you wanted him, but you were scared that his words were from false bravado. a heat of the moment feeling that was fleeting. 
“i know you might not believe me, and you have every right not to. but i love you with my entire being and.. it’s scary,” he chuckles, trying to explain his emotions to the only person he’s ever been vulnerable with. 
“and like i told you earlier, for the sake of us finally gaining friendship, i will play it to your pace and whenever you’re ready, let me know. because i’ll be here,” he smiles. he turns to you, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss to your cheek before walking out of the room, leaving you confused as to what the hell just happened.
_______
an: part two? let me know :)
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delicioussshame · 3 years
Text
I remembered this fic only a few days ago. Sorry. Have the second part.
At least he wrote to Luo Binghe before his little stunt.
He hangs onto this small bright spot like a lifeline as he stares at his phone, back in his apartment. Once his disciple has read the message Shen Yuan sent, he’ll understand that his shizun was just pretending to be a bitch. He’ll probably find it in his heart to forgive the humiliation, especially since Shen Yuan will be suffering from it way more than Tianlang-Jun’s fucking son ever will.
If his parents found out he befriended one of China’s richest moguls’ heir, they might ease up on the forced partying, but alas. He won’t tell them. That would ruin his whole schtick.
Never mind that! How the hell is Luo Binghe’s Tianlang-Jun’s son! That was very much not included in the backstory he was given by him! Single mother, poor upbringing, tiny village! Not uber-rich daddy just waiting for him to join him in the big city, woo just as rich women and inherit his endless conglomerate! Tianlang-Jun wasn’t even known to have children! Or a wife! Luo Binghe kept him in the dark! Or he outright lied to him!
Okay, so maybe Shen Yuan did not tell Luo Binghe he also was a scion of the rich and famous of Beijing. They had shared precious little about their personal lives. There had been too many novels to discuss. Luo Binghe must surely have been just as surprised as Shen Yuan himself.
Shen Yuan holds his phone, typing and deleting another message to Luo Binghe. He doesn’t know how to apologise for the frankly abysmal way he’d treated him.
Just as he’s deleting another string of characters, his phone beeps. Shizun remembers our date tomorrow, right?
…So Luo Binghe isn’t angry, right? He’s not, right? He wouldn’t call it a date if he only wanted to break Shen Yuan’s face with his mighty fists, would he?
(Okay, he’s not sure why Luo Binghe is calling it a date anyway, but whatever.)
I do.
Good! I can’t wait to see him!
…Maybe Binghe has an identical twin brother. That would explain everything.
It makes at least as much sense as Luo Binghe being a pure white lotus and a fan of online literature, while also being a rich playboy standing to inherit one of the country’s biggest conglomerates.
…He’ll find out soon enough. See you tomorrow then.
Just to be on the safe side, he’ll stop by a nice bakery before they meet.
_________________
It is possible it’s the fifth time Shen Yuan checks his watch.
It is also possible his nerves got the better of him and made him arrive forty-five minutes early. Sue him.
“Shizun!”
If their relationship is going to continue, he needs to put a stop to this appellation. It’s terrible for both their image.
Shen Yuan turns toward the call, and almost flinches away from the force of his disciple’s radiance. There’s no way this Binghe, cheeks flushed from having rushed over and wide smile on his face, is anything like the lady-killer Shen Yuan crossed the other day.
Identical twins. Shen Yuan is calling it.
“Shizun must forgive me for the other night! If I had known he would be there, I would have warned him!”
For fuck’s sake what the hell is happening. “Binghe doesn’t need to apologise! If anything, I was the one whose conduct was horrid. I should be the one apologising!” He shoves the pretty pastel paper bag in Binghe’s chest “Here, pastries! You like those, right? Take it as a gesture of good will and repentance. And everything we do today is on me.” Not that Luo Binghe needs his money. If anything, he’s probably richer than Shen Yuan’s whole family combined.
Binghe peeks into the bag and thanks him before setting it aside, obviously uninterested for now. “From what I gathered, I suspect we were using similar strategies, since what I’ve heard about you cannot possibly be true. There must be more to this.”
Shen Yuan can imagine what the people he has systematically alienated for years must have told him, and feel dread pooling in his stomach. “What did they say.”
Luo Binghe waves it away. “Nothing important. I don’t believe a word of it. I know Shizun better than they ever will, I’m sure of it.”
Well, okay. Shen Yuan will definitely take it. “How about you, then? Binghe was…” terrifyingly seductive, “another person yesterday.”
“My father’s idea. He said that if I were to integrate his world, it was his duty as a father to make sure I’m not eaten alive. I took acting lessons.”
Acting lessons! Seriously? “And have you considered making that your profession?” Because with that persona, Luo Binghe would become China’s number one heartthrob seconds following his first apparition on a small, or big, screen.
“I’m going to take it as a compliment, especially from you. Your performance was quite notable. It gave me chills.”
Yeah, chills born out of awkwardness. “I’m nothing compared to him. Just to be certain: Binghe pretends to be a smooth socialite to fit in, right?”
Luo Binghe nods.
“How do you stand it? I could never manage to pretend that I appreciate Xiao Gongzhu or Sha Hualing. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that their diet is mainly composed of human flesh, with a preference for young men.”
“Surely Shizun is exaggerating? They were nothing but nice to me.”
“With your looks and your status, of course they were.”
“If that was what they were after, wouldn’t they get along with Shizun just fine? He’s also got both those things.”
Shen Yuan tries not to let his befuddlement appears on his face. “I have status, but not anywhere near as high as yours? That’s all that matters to those girls. If he tried to prepare you, your father must have warned you about people like them.” He’s not even going to abase himself by addressing the looks issue. They both have eyes. Only one of them looks like he could grace the cover of Vogue China, and it sure isn’t Shen Yuan.
“He did warn me of enterprising women in general, before going on a tangent about enterprising women who are too independent to agree to marriage and instead run away to give birth in lost villages without informing their partner, which I have gathered must be about my birth mother. It’s nothing I couldn’t have thought of myself. Anyway, Shizun shouldn’t worry. I have no plans to choose either of them as a partner.”
Shen Yuan lets out a relieved sigh. “Good. Binghe deserves better. He should look for someone he cares for to share his life with.” It’s not like he’ll need their money.
“That’s what I’m doing.”
Already? He didn’t even start class yet. “Good for you. I’m wishing you luck.”
“Thank you, but I will make my own luck.” With a lack of shame Shen Yuan can only envy, Luo Binghe grabs his hand and drags him toward the nearby street. “Let’s go! There is so much to see here! We can’t afford to waste time!”
Shen Yuan smiles, charmed by Luo Binghe’s childish enthusiasm. “Let’s.”
________________________
Shen Yuan returns to his apartment with a peace of mind only one who has buried his terrible mistake down deep in the ground can attain. He explained to Luo Binghe why he acts as he acts, and Luo Binghe accepted it. Luo Binghe explained to him the same, and it made sense to Shen Yuan. They had spent the whole day wandering around the city, eating delicious food and visiting anything that attracted Luo Binghe’s varied interests.
Had Shen Yuan expected to spend an hour comparing cooking utensils? Why, no, he hadn’t. Was it boring? Miraculously, no. Was it worth it, considering he ended up getting invited over to dinner? If the pastries Luo Binghe had made him before were an indication of his general abilities in the kitchen, Shen Yuan would have easily spent three more hours in that shop, listening to Binghe rave about the selection he could have never gotten in his tiny village that was apparently so remote that even ordering online wasn’t always possible, for such an invite.
Reality, sadly, is eager to unbury the mistake he had just set aside.
It does so via an email bearing his mother’s address, reminding him that his presence to Qin Wanyue’s birthday party was very much expected.
Shen Yuan is going to have to prepare his most cutting insults and, fuck, have to double down on ruining Luo Binghe’s reputation, isn’t he? He can’t admit his error. It would leave him open to attacks. He can only act even worse, treating Luo Binghe as if the revelation of his true parentage did not improve his status in Shen Yuan’s eyes.
Fuuuuck. How is he going to manage being meaner than he previously was to such a gentle soul? If Binghe looked hurt for even a second, Shen Yuan’s years of masquerade would burn down in an instant as he exploded in apologies.
He needs a plan.
“Shizun?”
“Binghe! Sorry to bother you so soon after I left, but do you have a minute? It’s important.”
“Shizun could never be a bother. What is he calling about?”
“Are you invited to Qin Wanyue’s party?”
“Yes. So is Shizun? It’s good that we’ll see each other again so soon!”
“No it’s not! I can’t be nice to you! I’m sorry, but you’ll thank me later. I just wanted Binghe to know that I don’t mean anything I tell him. He can’t take it to heart, okay? That’s just something that needs to be done.
“About that, I had an idea. It’ll be fun!”
Shen Yuan blinks. How could anything related to polite society be fun? He’s convinced that if fun and formal parties ever happened in the same space, a singularity would form and swallow the place whole.
And nothing of value would be lost. “What is Binghe’s idea?”
“We’re both acting, aren’t we? How about we flesh out our characters…”
________________________
Face impassive but heart beating so fast it’s about to jump out of his chest, Shen Yuan steps into the perfectly arranged garden party.
Whispers instantly rise. Smothered but mocking laughter can be heard. Eyes rove over him, anticipating the explosion they feel coming.
Luckily for them, they’re about to get their money’s worth.  
Shen Yuan, as is his habitude, settles down somewhere unoccupied and pulls out his phone, trying to forget Binghe’s impending arrival within the pages of a terrible novel he usually loves to rage at. Very good source of inspiration for his current demeanor.
“Oh, it’s you. You dared to show your face here. I can’t believe your gall.”
Shen Yuan doesn’t look up. Xiao Gongzhu doesn’t deserve his attention.
Until she tries to slap him. “So arrogant! I’ll teach you your place!”
Her hand is caught by Luo Binghe, his long fingers curling around her wrist in a way that looks more caress than impediment. “A beautiful lady like you shouldn’t waste your time on the likes of him.”
Shen Yuan lifts his eyes from his phone and gives Luo Binghe his most disdainful glare. “I’d ask you to keep your pet on its leash, but if anyone here is a beast, it must be you, bastard.”
The silence around them is complete.
Tianlang-Jun had never been married. He wasn’t even known to maintain a mistress or two.
The family resemblance wasn’t striking, but present enough that Luo Binghe being an adopted child was unlikely.
Ergo, Luo Binghe is an illegitimate child, probably only brought into the family when the existence of legitimate heirs became unlikely. What a scandal, really.
No one had dared bring this up yet, but if anything would, it would be that asshole Shen Yuan, wouldn’t it?
Luo Binghe’s eyes focus on him, righteous anger on his face. “At least someone wants me. From what I understand, it’s never been your case, was it?”
Shen Yuan shoves his phone in his pocket with a swift gesture conveying fury. “Who would want someone here to want there? Each one more worthless than the other. You’ve really found your place, haven’t you?”
“If this world is so unpleasant to you, how about you leave and never come back? I assure you no one would miss you.” Luo Binghe turns toward the captivated audience. “Would you?”
Again, muffled laughter and cruel eyes, but few open responses. Too dangerous, really. Even if it didn’t compare to Tianlang-Jun’s empire, the Shen family was far from powerless.
Luo Binghe continues as if nothing had happened. “No one to defend you, I see. You didn’t give me a chance to demonstrate it, but I’m usually a kind man. If you had been able to control your nature for a few minutes, we might have become close, you and I. You’ve got so much more experience navigating these troubled seas. I would have welcomed the lessons.” Luo Binghe shakes his head in exaggerated sorrow. “Alas, it wasn’t to be. You have chosen otherwise, so by all means, let’s travel the road you’ve picked, shall we? For all that you’ve called me beast, you’re the raging dog chained to a post, unable to join in no matter how much he rages.” Luo Binghe waves at the air invitingly.” Go on, rage uselessly. It certainly is of no concern to me.”
“Can a head as empty as yours even be concerned with anything? Nothing you’ve said have proved otherwise. As for that taunt you tried to wield against me, I’m afraid I’m going to have to disappoint you. I have no interest in responding to you in any way. In fact,” Shen Yuan pulls his phone out of his pocket and goes back to his book, “you’re already wasted too much of my time. Go have fun with your equals. I’m sure they’ll soothe your fragile ego, in-between throwing daggers at your back.”
Shen Yuan stubbornly refuses to react to Luo Binghe’s sightly disbelieving laughter, or to the insults thrown to his face by others. He just lets Luo Binghe shake his head again, as if appalled, and guide his cronies away from Shen Yuan, leaving him in blessed peace.
Just as planned.
________________________
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was how one of Beijing’s elite most infamous rivalry was born.
As far as said elite knew.
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Text
What If...
Fandom: Chicago Fire / One Chicago
Pairing: Matt Casey x Severide!Reader
Warning/s: none
Word Count: 2,060
Request: Hi would it be possible if I requested a Matt Casey one shot where she’s Kelly’s half sister and she’s new paramedic the firehouse. One night she tells Blake how she’s always had a crush on Matt and he overhears her. What happens when he kisses her in front of everyone at the firehouse?
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Being Kelly Severide’s half-sister meant that the entire firehouse treated you basically the same; even though you weren’t that much younger they looked out of you like you were their kid sister. 
Kelly had just started working at 51 when you’d found out about him. Your dad, Benny, hadn’t exactly always been around, but when you’d told him you were moving to Chicago, he’d finally told you about your brother. It had been a shock, and you’d been angry that he’d kept it from you for so long, but you were glad to have a sibling, and you and Kelly had clicked right away.
Eventually he’d started to introduce you to the guys at the firehouse, including one Matt Casey, and you’d been crushing on him ever since. You’d tried not to, he only saw you as Kelly’s sister and nothing more, but you’d always been pretty close with him since you met, and you’d never been able to get over the feelings.
Now you were a paramedic there, and it had just gotten worse. You hadn’t applied for 51 specifically when you’d made it through training, moving from your nursing job at Med, but Boden had requested your transfer there to fill a spot on ambo 61. 
Everyone had welcomed you to 51, especially Casey, although Kelly had originally been hesitant about his little sister being out on the frontlines and in the line of literal fire. But you were a natural, and he’d soon put those fears to rest. 
It had been a few months now, and you found yourself lying on the bunk next to Gallo on a particularly slow shift, discussing his complicated relationship with Violet. “You asked her to marry you?” You laughed in disbelief, turning your head to face him from where you had been staring at the ceiling. Gallo was filling in on ambo with you for the day, Sylvie taking some personal time out to visit her new sister, and you’d both crashed in the bunk room to chat after a couple of very boring wellness checks. 
“Look, it wan’t- I wasn’t serious, it was the heat of the moment- I don’t know okay?” Gallo rambled, definitely kicking himself for being so stupid. “I should just fake my death and move to a different country, I’m such an idiot.”
You laughed even more, glad you weren’t in his shoes as he tried to navigate whatever his relationship with Violet was. “Okay, enough about me, what about you? You got anyone? I won’t tell your brother I swear,” Gallo promised with a grin, changing the subject away from his embarrassment. You might have called him out on it and kept the conversation going, but you knew he was already getting it from Ritter and Cruz, so you didn’t push it anymore.
“Me? Nah, living the single life,” you answered, mind going to your ever present and annoying crush on Casey as you picked at the cuffs of your sleeves, grey CFD sweater a size too large.
Gallo caught the distant look in your eyes, “...but there is someone you like?” He asked slowly, your turn to feel embarrassed as you felt your cheeks heat up. Were you that obvious? “Oh, there totally is!”
You and Gallo had become good friends, both having joined the station at around the same time, even though you’d known everyone else for years, you’d still been navigating the place together. Could you tell him this? You hadn’t told anyone, especially not your brother, but you wanted to get it off your chest. 
Gallo gave you an encouraging look, and you knew he wouldn’t let it go now, and you didn’t want him trying to find out when you weren’t alone, so you took a breath and told him after casting a final look to Casey and your brother’s dark offices. 
“I might... have a little thing for Matt,” you said quietly, nervously awaiting his reaction as he eyes went wide.
“Captain Casey!?” Gallo gasped as he sat up, way too loud for your liking. You put your finger to your lips and shushed him, sitting up so that you were facing him.
“Would you keep it down? I don’t want the entire firehouse to know,” you slapped his knee a little and he nodded, still visibly amused. “Look, I- I’ve had feeling for him for a long time, but it was never going to happen then, and it certainly isn’t going to happen now, I mean, I’ve always just been Kelly’s kid sister and now I actually work at the firehouse.” 
“Why did you never go for it before?” He asked, and you couldn’t deny that you’d thought about it. What if he said yes? What if he said no? You’d played countless scenarios in your head as you’d had a drink with him at Molly’s, worked with him at Med or spent time with him at 51 and Kelly’s, but reality was a lot more daunting. 
“Because he’s... Matt, even when he wasn’t my superior he was still my brother’s best friend, I’d have better luck at trying to cross a mine field with an aweful lot of mines unscathed,” you told him, running your hands through your hair. You’d untied it when you lay down, but now you figured your put it back up for something to do with your hands other than self-consciously pick at your sleeves.
“Maybe he likes you too and he has the same fears as you do, namely the wrath of Lieutenant Severide, not that I could blame him,” Gallo suggested as you shook your head.
“Oh yeah, because that’s likely,” you said sarcastically and he raised an eyebrow as if to say ‘you never know’, “I’d rather just try to get past it without making anything wierd, it’s my problem not his.”
Gallo was about to reply when the alarm bell sounded, a pile up that required all vehicles to attend. You and Gallo jumped up and headed for the door, but not before you caught sight of Casey emerging from his quarters.
Your stomach dropped at the realisation that he’d been in there the entire time. His light had been off and his door had been open a crack so you’d naturally assumed he wasn’t in there, but he must have gone in there for a nap before you and Gallo got back from your wellness checks. 
Praying he had been asleep the entire time you made your way to 61, Gallo giving you an ‘oops’ look as Casey headed past you both to Truck, but the look in his eyes when they briefly met your told you that that was wishful thinking, he’d heard you alright.
You did your best to compartmentalise that as you climbed into the drivers seat next to Gallo, you had a job to focus on, you’d have time to think about faking your death with Gallo and fleeing the country in embarrassment later. 
-
Fires out, people safe, no casualties; one crisis averted, one more to deal with. Gallo had tried to reassure you that Casey hadn’t heard any of it on the drive back, but he wasn’t even managing to convince himself, let alone you. 
So you’d made a beeline straight for the showers when you got back, going out of your way to avoid Casey in what little time you had left on shift. Who knew, he might just forget all about it?
Alas, he didn’t. You’d nearly made it out, making your way into the crisp morning air as the sun came up, just wanting to get back to your car and bury yourself under your covers, forgetting all about what had happened. Then Casey had caught up with you.
“Hey, Y/N, wait up a second,” Casey called from behind you, the sound of quick footsteps approaching as reached you. You swallowed, ignoring your feeling of dread as you turned to face him.
“Hey... er... what’s up?” Smooth Y/N, really subtle, you thought to yourself as you mentally ran through potential names to put on your fake passport. Casey gave you a small, conscious smile, and you knew he wanted to bring up what he’d overheard you say earlier, but didn’t know how. Neither did you, which led to a very awkward few seconds where you imaged the ground swallowing you whole. 
Finally, Casey spoke up. “I wasn’t eavesdropping, I heard my name and I was going to come out but then I heard... more and I thought it would be better if I just stayed in my office, and then the bell went off-” He stammered. 
Turns out it wasn’t the whole firehouse that heard Gallo practically yell Casey’s name, just Casey himself. “I’m sorry, so sorry, I didn’t- I wasn’t try to- I don’t know what I’m trying to say honestly, obviously I never meant for you to hear that and I don’t want this to be weird or anything so if we could just like pretend I never said anything and-” You were talking way too fast but you couldn’t help it. Casey had said your name a couple of times as you spoke, to try and get you to slow down or stop but you’d just kept going.
So instead, he’d tried a different method of shutting you up, and he kissed you. You stumbled back a little, very much surprised and caught off guard, Casey stepping back quickly as your brain tried to process what had just happened, mouth moving slightly but no words coming out. You probably looked like you were short-circuiting.
“Just to clear up any doubts about how I feel,” he told you, hand still lingering on your arm as you regained your senses. In all the fantasy scenarios you’d run through in your head, Casey kissing you was better than you could have expected. 
“Wow, okay,” you said, unsure of how to respond but Casey chuckled a little and you began to relax, matching his smile, very much forgetting that you were both still just outside of the firehouse. 
“Hope I’m not interrupting,” a voice said intentionally loudly and you and Casy jumped, looking away from each other towards the source, Kelly. He stood a few feet away, arms crossed, jaw clenched as he stared at his best friend, and then his sister. 
You risked a glance behind Kelly, to see that your kiss had been very public indeed, basically the entire firehouse kind of public. Gallo even gave you a thumbs up and you would have laughed if your brother wasn’t standing so close, looking like he was debating punching Casey.
Stella was giving you a look that was a mix of support and sympathy, but she rightfully wasn’t inserting herself into this, the rest of the firehouse seemingly waiting for Severide’s reaction before they said anything. 
“The hell took you guys so long?” You brother said finally, to the shock of both you and Casey as a smirk spread across Kelly’s face. Casey’s shoulders visibly relaxed and you let out a little sigh of relief. Were you confused? Yes. Were you going to dare question it? No chance. 
“You’re not... mad?” Casey did dare and Kelly laughed, shaking his head.
“Why would I be mad? Okay, sure, in the beginning when I realised you guys were into each other? Yeah, I was mad, but I’ve had years to get over that,” he told you both as you caught Cruz reluctantly handing Stella what looked like a twenty. 
You rolled your eyes at your brother, glad he wasn’t mad as you glanced at Casey, a grin on his face as Kelly offered out his hand to shake as some kind of sign of approval. 
Casey shook it as Kelly added: “hurt her we’ll all bury you,” he informed his Captain matter-of-factly with a head nod towards the rest of the firehouse who sounded their agreement.
“I’d expect nothing less,” Casey replied immediately as Kelly winked in your direction. 
“Walk you back to your car?” Casey offered, probably wanting a little bit more privacy to talk, and you quickly accepted, going red from the attention, following him away from the firehouse as Kelly jokingly made a sign that meant ‘I’ll be watching you’ in Casey’s direction. 
All in all, not the day you had been expecting, not that you were complaining.
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