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#i will not have a posting schedule sorry to the people that might want one ✌️
summerroseart · 1 month
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SURPRISE! Final Space brainrot continues to consume me.
Part 1: Prologue . . . [Part 2]
[Master Post]
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mcmansionhell · 10 months
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mojo dojo casa house
Howdy folks! Sorry for the delay, I was, uhhhh covering the Tour de France. Anyway, I'm back in Chicago which means this blog has returned to the Chicago suburbs. I'm sure you've all seen Barbie at this point so this 2019 not-so-dream house will come as a pleasant (?) surprise.
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Yeah. So this $2.4 million, 7 bed, 8.5+ bath house is over 15,000 square feet and let me be frank: that square footage is not allocated in any kind of efficient or rational manner. It's just kind of there, like a suburban Ramada Inn banquet hall. You think that by reading this you are prepared for this, but no, you are not.
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Scale (especially the human one) is unfathomable to the people who built this house. They must have some kind of rare spatial reasoning problem where they perceive themselves to be the size of at least a sedan, maybe a small aircraft. Also as you can see they only know of the existence of a single color.
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Ok, but if you were eating a single bowl of cereal alone where would you sit? Personally I am a head of the table type person but I understand that others might be more discreet.
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It is undeniable that they put the "great" in great room. You could race bicycles in here. Do roller derby. If you gave this space to three anarchists you would have a functioning bookshop and small press in about a week.
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The island bit is so funny. It's literally so far away it's hard to get them in the same image. It is the most functionally useless space ever. You need to walk half a mile to get from the island to the sink or stove.
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Of course, every McMansion has a room just for television (if not more than one room) and yet this house fails even to execute that in a way that matters. Honestly impressive.
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The rug placement here is physical comedy. Like, they know they messed up.
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Bling had a weird second incarnation in the 2010s HomeGoods scene. Few talk about this.
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Honestly I think they should have scrapped all of this and built a bowling alley or maybe a hockey rink. Basketball court. A space this grand is wasted on sports of the table variety.
You would also think that seeing the rear exterior of this house would help to rationalize how it's planned but:
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Not really.
Anyways, thanks for coming along for another edition of McMansion Hell. I'll be back to regular posting schedule now that the summer is over so keep your eyes peeled for more of the greatest houses to ever exist. Be sure to check the Patreon for today's bonus posts.
Also P.S. - I'm the architecture critic for The Nation now, so check that out, too!
If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.
Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar, because media work is especially recession-vulnerable.
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bread--quest · 6 months
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It's 2012 somewhere. Welcome.... to Night Vale Tumblr.
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👁️ nvcr-official
Hi guys! I'm Intern Sarah! Excited to be joining you all!
👁️ nvcr-official
To the friends and family of Intern Sarah, she was a good intern and social media manager, and we are sorry to see her go. We will work to find a new intern as soon as possible.
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🦉 dark-owl-records
CALL OUT POST FOR CECIL PALMER
hes gotten away with shit for too long and im sick of it. tl;dr horrific intern mistreatment with no compensation, mountain denier, homophobic
keep reading
❌ number-one-moonhater Follow
Hey uh. Aren't you a company account? Why are you posting this
🦉 dark-owl-records
L + ratio + god forbid women do anything + your music taste is trash
🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow
Isn't Cecil literally gay?
🦉 dark-owl-records
he's homophobic
🪼 jeebyfish Follow
he has a husband...
🦉 dark-owl-records
yeah and he won't fucking shut up about it
2,500 notes
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🤫 cecils-private-blog
Carlos hasn't liked any of my woodcarving posts in THREE DAYS!! I'm so scared what if he's going to break up with me :((
👁️ nvcr-official
Cecil he's your husband he's not breaking up with you. also this isn't a private blog you just put private in the url
🤫 cecils-private-blog
HOW DID YOU SEE THIS
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🏜️ sandeater Follow
tamika flynn spotted in ralph's dairy aisle "slaying" the milk
🦂 scorpiansscuttle Follow
op i know this is a joke but one time i was in the ralphs dairy aisle and there was some butter up on a really high shelf and someone said "don't worry, i'll get it" and i turned around and it was fucking tamika flynn
☁️ average-weather-enjoyer Follow
fake story :/
📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram
No it's true I was there
🚂 traintonowhere Follow
TAMIKA FLYNN??
🏜️ sandeater Follow
what the fuck is happening on my post
8,345 notes
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👁️ nvcr-official
can you guys please stop sending cecil weird shit... i don't want to have to explain to my boss what a dilf is
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🐚 mariella-shella
Hey guys!! Sorry for the lack of posts recently! I entered a hole in the wall and when I got out I realized I didn't know how long I'd been in there, or where I was, or who I am, and I'm not sure that I'm still the person who entered that hole however long ago. Anyway, the normal posting schedule will resume as soon as I remember what my normal posting schedule was, and if I'm still the person who had that posting schedule!
🌪️ sandstorm-gf Follow
omg mariella!!! missed u so much girl glad ur back!
🐚 mariella-shella
i miss me too
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😎 Anonymous asked: Response to the homophobic allegations?
🎙️ cecilpalmer
Huh??
🎙️ cecilpalmer
@nvcr-official What does this mean? Is it new slang?
👁️ nvcr-official
uhhhh dont worry about it buddy
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🧤 missy-mittens Follow
hey guys im in quarantine for eating wheat and wheat byproducts uh...send asks?? i might be in here for a while lmaooo
🧤 missy-mittens Follow
oh lights in the sky its been 5 years since i made this post
☁️ glowcloudapologist Follow
how's it going op
🧤 missy-mittens Follow
i miss my family
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🐚 mariella-shella Follow
hey if anyone remembers anything about the person running this blog can you tell me? trying to recover the fragments of my identity from the void of memory lol
🥔 potato-enthusiast Follow
you were really hot
🐚 mariella-shella Follow
FUCK YEAHHHHHH
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🦉 a-weird-bird Follow
just a reminder that new residents of east night vale are fully welcome to interact with this blog!!!! you will not be harassed and any hate will be blocked. this blog is safe even if this town isn't sometimes <3
🌻 sunflowergirl Follow
This is so sweet, thank you so much! Just so you know, even though it's officially called East Night Vale now, a lot of people still call it Desert Bluffs! Just thought you might want to know :)
🦉 a-weird-bird Follow
i'm not calling it that sorry
🌻 sunflowergirl Follow
What??? Why??
🦉 a-weird-bird Follow
just kind of sucks. as a name
🌻 sunflowergirl Follow
?????????
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🐄
⬜️ kentuckymeatshower_deactivated11051983
what does this mean....
🌌 cece-xeze Follow
another great post from huntokar herself
16,683 notes
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🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow
🌲 little-miss-ectoplasm Follow
you don't like pine cliff? 👻 oo ooo?
👁️ nvcr-official
NIGHT VALE SWEEEEEP
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😁 the-happy-smiler Follow
Hi everyone!! Since Twitter went down, I figured I'd try my hand at this Tumblr thing! I'm so excited to meet all of you!! Hope you're ready for some pictures of CENTIPEDES!! Feel free to AMA about the Smiling God!
👁️ nvcr-official
I
🦉 dark-owl-records
N
🎙️ cecilpalmer
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📚 isurvivedthesummerreadingprogram
E
🙈 seesomethingsaynothing Follow
R
🚂 traintonowhere Follow
L
🦉 a-weird-bird Follow
O
🌌 cece-xeze Follow
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🐚 mariella-shella Follow
E
🚁 helicopters-in-your-area Follow
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pomefioredove · 28 days
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You know what would be sad? If you/Yuu breaks up with Vil (or vice versa) and then runs to Rook afterwards. I wonder if Vil is going to feel betrayed again? If you could do a little scenario for this, that’d be great!
this is such a good prompt, I love rebound scenarios omg. needed this today. and here comes rook with the steel chair!!!
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summary: getting dumped by vil schoenheit type of post: long fic characters: rook additional info: romantic, established relationship, vil breaks up with reader, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, kinda angsty, hahhhh, my god
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"It's not personal. I just don't think it's fair to you," Vil says.
He doesn't fidget. Maintains perfect eye contact. He doesn't even try to act sorry, which, perhaps, is what stings the most.
He's supposed to be an actor, after all.
That's what this is all about.
"You must have always known this was a possibility," he says. "My schedule is getting busier, I simply don't... want to push you away."
Each word is spoken with a honeyed softness, as if he's trying to cushion the blows. It doesn't help.
Your heart thuds in your chest, your eyes burn. This is the worst thing you've ever experienced. You would take a thousand overblots over this. Any day.
What a bitter sentiment.
"You don't mean to push me away. What is this, then?"
A look of guilt finally crosses Vil's face, cracking the mask of professionalism he'd been hiding behind. It offers little comfort.
His brow furrows, and he sighs. "A preventative measure. It would hurt more if I'd waited,"
A million questions fly through your mind, faster than you can catch them. You want to shout, to tell him exactly how he's making you feel, to ask him who he thinks he is- but all you can manage is a stare.
He frowns, extending a hand as if to caress your face, but you turn on your heels and leave before he has the chance.
You wouldn't sit there and let him make a fool of you any longer.
You had become comfortable with the Pomefiore dorm in the past few months, but today, its elegance feels suffocating. The white and gold decor seems to mock you, every vase of perfect flowers laughing at your imperfection as you pass them by.
It hurts.
Stings, burns, makes you feel like you're drowning in a sea of perfume, choking on lilac and rose. Has the air here always been so sickeningly sweet?
There's still a lingering part of you that wants to run back to him, to beg, to negotiate, but you know he's right. You hate that he's right.
This... whatever it was... wouldn't last.
And you'd always known it.
---
How does one recover from being dumped by Vil Schoenheit?
Short answer: you can't.
You can wallow all you want, drowning yourself in the unhealthy foods he forbade you from eating, skipping the classes he'd so encouraged you to excel in, and using cheap tissues on your formerly-perfect skin, but that doesn't change a thing.
Perhaps if it hadn't been so public, you might have pulled yourself together sooner. But the very second all of your pictures were gone from his profile, everyone knew.
On some nights, you'd torture yourself by reading the thirsty comments from desperate fans under his latest posts, all of them pointing out his recent singleness. You would wonder to yourself if you had sounded that pathetic when you were dating Vil.
Just another hopeless, desperate fan, hoping for a piece of him.
People on campus avoided you. Not out of fear, but pity, a lack of knowing what to say. How do you even comfort someone after this?
It was like having an open wound on full display. No matter how you tried to bandage it, it kept bleeding through.
Even Grim was keeping his distance.
What little comfort came in the form of an anonymous knight in shining armor. Roses left at your doorstep, letters of love and encouragement on your assigned seats, little baskets full of your favorite foods and trinkets on your kitchen table...
You would have questioned it if you were not so consumed by your grief. At least the mystery offered a distraction.
"Another one," Ace comments, pulling a letter off your chair before you can sit on it. "Whoever this guy is, he's slick."
He hands you the letter, which you gracefully accept.
Deuce watches cautiously. "And you're sure it's not just... some kinda of prank, right? I've known my fair share of nasty types, this could be a trick."
"Too much effort," you shake your head. "I mean, whoever this is is spending a lot of time and money cheering me up. Not to mention... I've tried looking up some of these poems, and no matches. They're originals."
You wave around the letter in hand, a faint smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "Though, I'm sure whoever's doing it is just being nice,"
"Nice. Right," Ace rolls his eyes. "Cause I know like, a million teenage boys who are just dying to write poetry for their friends."
Even Deuce snickers at that. You roll your eyes.
"Point taken. I guess I just can't believe that anyone would want me after..." you pause. There's no pleasant way to put it, so you let Ace and Deuce fill in the blanks.
"Hey, Vil is a jerk. He doesn't deserve you," Deuce says. "And trust me, if I ever catch him disrespecting you again-"
Ace scoffs. "Woah, there, tiger. Calm down. Vil could kick your ass and we all know it,"
"He really was something, wasn't he?" you sigh, slumping in your seat. Ace and Deuce give each other a panicked look.
"We didn't mean-"
"No, I get it," you say, reaching down to the floor in an attempt to touch your toes. Vil had told you that little exercises help calm the nerves. You hate how you still need his advice.
"Oh, hey, look," you sit back up, another pink envelope in hand. "Another one."
---
There's something about these gifts that doesn't sit right with you.
Each one is arranged to perfection, obviously crafted by a very thoughtful individual, just personal enough to suit your tastes but distant all the same.
It's almost as if the sender is holding something back.
But, not today.
You're greeted by a trail of rose petals leading up to Ramshackle's front door, which itself is ajar. Not uncommon, considering Grim's inability to take care of the makeshift dorm, but with the scent of roses and the candlelight inside, you know it's something more.
You walk in, setting your things aside, and continue following the path of petals into the kitchen, where a rickety wooden table has been set for two.
You, however, are the only one in the room.
"Hello?" you ask, turning in circles. The space is empty, save for a small letter on one of the chairs.
Beautiful,
A little bird told me you doubt the intentions of my admiration. I must amend that immediately, and I see no better way than to say it myself.
Yours truly.
"Trickster," a familiar voice comes from the doorway behind you, and you whirl around to face your admirer.
"Rook!" you gasp, clutching the letter to your chest.
He beams in response. "Oui, c'est moi. Though I was so enjoying the mystery, I feel it's time I made my intentions clear. Sit, please,"
You don't hesitate to follow his suggestion (the surprise left your knees feeling weak, anyway), and he joins you in the adjacent seat.
"But what-"
"Please," he says, holding a finger to your lips to shush you. "Let me start. I first want to say that I have meant every single word, in song and ink, that I have given to you. My heart is true."
Your mind is overflowing with questions, none of which he seems keen on answering in full just yet.
"I have spent the past several months allowing our Beautiful Vil to woo you. I have so enjoyed watching your love blossom from afar, despite my own feelings towards you. But things have changed," Rook says.
"For as much as I love him, this was his own doing. He has made a fatal mistake, one which cannot be undone- he has wounded you, mon amour, in a most vulnerable fashion. Months ago, when we both realized our feelings for you, I willingly stepped aside," he says. "I thought Vil would be the best option for you. I thought I was not ready to commit myself. Now I see what a mistake that was, and I hope you might find it within yourself to forgive me..."
You can only stare back. "Rook..."
"I cannot resent our Roi du Poison for his choice, for it's his to make. But he hurt you dearly, and in the process, he has relinquished his claim on you. I know your wound is still fresh. But, please, Mon Trickster, mon véritable amour, be mine?"
You're silent for a moment, processing every detail of what he said, what he's offering...
He's right. The wound Vil created is still open, and despite the weeks of "recovery", had yet to improve.
If you kept waiting for it to heal, perhaps it never would.
You nod. "Okay. Okay! But-! Let's take it slow, okay?"
Rook just barely manages to stop himself from leaping across the table to take your hands into his, and he reaffirms your request with a nod.
"Of course, mon cœur. What is a hunter if not patient?"
---
Pomefiore is beautiful again.
There are still times where you swear you can see Vil staring at the two of you, a look of discontent on his face, from across the room.
He doesn't utter a word about the way Rook has his arm over your shoulder, or the many terms of endearment he uses on you, though he doesn't have to. The lingering guilt and regret has made a home for itself in Vil Schoenheit.
You're sure Rook has noticed by now, too, although this isn't the first time he's pulled something like this on the housewarden without a second thought, and it likely won't be the last.
Perhaps it's for the better.
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augustinewrites · 1 year
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the first time it happens, bakugou is caught completely off guard and is therefore unable to properly act upon it. 
he’s just gotten off his patrol, groaning loudly as he sinks into his plush desk chair. he still needs to type up his report and go over the notes left by his assistant before he can call it a day, but as he waits for his monitor to boot up, exhaustion creeps over him. 
as a rule, bakugou did not usually nap in order to keep his strict sleep schedule. but after a long week of work, he can’t help but let his eyes drift shut and a yawn escape as he lays his head back. 
that is, of course, when the door to his office opens. and there’s only one person brave enough to open the door without knocking first. “hey.”
“hi,” you smile, stepping inside to place a bottle of water and a pack of electrolytes on his desk. “will i see you at home soon?” 
he glances at his monitor, the clock in the corner reading 4:48pm, twelve minutes before the workday is over. wincing, he rubs his temple. “might still be a while, sorry.”
“do you want me to stay and keep you company?”
it’s a tempting offer, but he shakes his head. “no, ’s alright. just pick up some takeout and i’ll meet you at home soon.” 
“okay,” you agree, but only because you both know that after you grab some takeout, you’ll be right back here to keep him company anyway. “just don’t work yourself too hard, promise?” 
“yeah, yeah,” he mutters, letting you press a kiss to his temple. 
“alright, see you later, pumpkin!” 
bakugou pauses, brows furrowing. “wait–”
you’re already sailing out of the room though, and bakugou slumps back into his chair. you did not just call him, dynamight, pumpkin. that was something people named orange tabbys, not the number two pro with the highest offensive stats on the charts.
_____
he wishes that he could say the first time was the last, but it turns out that pumpkin wasn’t the worst nickname you could bestow upon him. 
you’re just sauntering out of the bedroom when you join him in the kitchen the next morning, freshly showered after his jog and fixing you a cup of coffee. you’re not a person until at least 9am, responding to his good morning, baby with a grumble as presses the mug into your hands.
you wake up a little after you’ve had a few sips, smiling at him over the rim of your mug as you murmur, “thanks, sweetpea.”
bakugou, who’d been gulping down a glass of water, nearly chokes, sputtering, “babe—”
“do you want to make waffles?” you ask, smiling so sweetly at him that he doesn’t have the heart to reprimand you. so he just doesn’t answer right away, wary of any more saccharine sweet nicknames you might fire off. 
“katsuki?”
“yeah, waffles. sure,” he replies stupidly, watching as you nod and begin pulling ingredients from the cupboards, criminally oblivious to the quarter-life crisis he’s having. 
_____
bakugou doesn’t know what’s going on with you. he’s heavily considering a trip to the er, because you must have been hit with some sort of quirk that makes you call him disgustingly corny pet names.
“nice catch, cupcake!” you applaud upon his return to the agency after apprehending a villain. one of the interns starts to laugh, but quickly smothers it when the pro-hero shoots him a withering stare.
“looking good, sugarplum,” you compliment when he’s in the middle of a quick, post-lunch workout in his office. he’d stopped mid curl, almost dropping 50 pounds on his foot. 
“thanks, muffin,” you grin after getting his signature on the report he’d missed earlier in the day. he tells kirishima, who’d been there trying to steal a protein bar from his desk and is starting to laugh, to shut the fuck up or get out.
it wasn’t that he hated pet names (he thought they could be cute). what he hated was being referred to as various pastries that sound like they’d come out of his dad’s cookbook. 
but he could handle it. could handle you because, well, he loved you. and you make sacrifices for those you love, even if it means his friends and fellow pros stop calling him dynamite and start calling him honeycakes instead. besides, you’d get over…whatever kind of phase this was eventually.
and you do. 
“goodnight, lovebug,” you murmur, just as he’s on the precipice of sleep. but he’s wide awake now, sitting up to flick the bedside lamp on.
“how do you just say things like that?” he asks, genuinely bewildered. 
you rub the sleep from your eyes, blinking yourself awake. “like what?”
“the names!” he groans, rubbing a hand over his face. “they’re ridiculous.” 
“they’re not ridiculous,” you huff indignantly as you turn to face him. “they’re cute, like you.” 
“i am not cute,” he scoffs, batting your hand away when you poke his cheeks. “you just— you can’t keep callin’ me shit like cupcake or lovebug. just pick somethin’ else to call me.” 
you’re looking at him with a shit-eating grin on your face, and bakugou feels he’s made a mistake of some kind. “should i call you my love instead?”
heat crawls up his neck as he averts his gaze. “that’s alright.”
you shuffle closer. “yeah? what about…darling?” 
“you can use that, sure,” he shrugs, hoping he doesn’t look as flustered as he feels. 
you’re straddling his lap now, dipping your head down to whisper,
“what if i called you daddy?” 
he freezes, fingers digging into your hips as your teeth graze the shell of his ear. 
you get your answer when he flips you both over so you’re trapped against the mattress, swallowing your gasp with a heated kiss.
BONUS:
you hum contentedly as kirishima places a stack of bills into your waiting palm. “i told you he would break in less than a week.”
the redhead groans loudly, lamenting his empty wallet. “man, i thought he was stronger than this!”
“if i’d called him something like ‘kitten,’ this whole thing would have gone a lot faster,” you muse, shaking your head. 
kirishima, clearly having not learned from his recent loss, suggests, “i’ll buy you lunch for a week if you call him that during the board meeting later.”
“i’ll buy you lunch for two weeks if you do it,” you counter. 
“deal!”
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privitivium · 4 months
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Big buff bossy gangster just bumping into Subtop M reader one day and suddenly becoming obsessed with them to the point where M reader has no choice but to submit to his advances cause if not well he's dead. Subtop M reader has to admit tho that he loves fucking him especially in risky places cause seeing him trying to keep his voice down satisfies Subtop M reader especially with his tiddies bouncing with each thrust
-⚰️
i absolutely adore your writings :)) and no need to rush alright? i'm willing to wait haha
thank you dear coffin, i adore you......
yes…..….. this is refreshing. 💥💥🌹these are ideas. thoughts…… i might post more of this guy as an actual full-fledged fic where he actually stalks you as i enjoy big breast men 💥💥💥🌹🌹🌹must… must write more to be more… detailed…. uaghugh
amab bossy gangster x amab m reader
pt 2 rambles :3 cw;; dubcon, exhibition, stalker - yandere tendences?
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love at first sight… for him at least. a towering muscly dude with visible scars here and there along his “handsome” face with layered platinum blond hair doing his rounds with a couple of lackeys… unintentionally not looking where he was goingㅡ
ㅡ“oh, whoopsie.. you alright, man?” cautious not to put your hands on the other person who accidentally stepped on your foot and took a slight tumble; swallowing thickly, comedically as the man raises to his full height without a word - towering over you with his pecs center to your eyes, some big platinum blond muscleheadㅡ“haha… y-ou … you alright?” you offer your hand, even if he was already standing and most certainly did not need your help -
“fine.” he waves you off, leaving wordlessly but not before giving you a nasty glower. uagh, jeez.. what's that guy's problem? not like you were looking to instigate or something but still… you obviously did not mean to trip him! didnt he see how sympathetic you were just then? some people…
unbeknownst to you, he was fuming. that was how your first official meeting went?! argh!! his companions, his lackeys noting his upset and commenting on the matter ; “what's the matter? you wanna go back n’ pummel that guy, boss?” 
“no, no…” the hulking mass of muscle shakes his head - thin layers of platinum blond hair, waving his hand dismissively while seeming to be in thought - stalling down the walkway and making a swift turn down a narrow alleyway, knuckleheads following close behind. “that's… my lover. my fated one to be, you idiots. how can you not see that?” 
ㅡhe’s delusional, his lackeys realize. but feed into it anyway. in the lair, a rundown two story house where he was answering questions and fiddling with several pictures taken of you just hours later. a quick question of “how can ya’ tell that's yer fated one to be??!” an excited pawn queried. the big boss man going off on an equally excited tangent - a happy explanation about how he doesn't even know. all he knows is that he took one look at your tripping sorry ass and immediately wanted to get down on his knees, uncaring if it was in the middle of a busy sidewalk..
or it could… be the something like, muscly bossy gangster runs into you a few times instead,,, neither of you forgetting one another because for you, it's a big ass intimidating guy who glares at you and nearly makes you piss your pants how can you not forgetㅡand for him - he's literally orchestrating his schedule around yours just to be bumping into you like this. tapping your phone, keeping you tracked through a device or having several of his companions follow you around…
and then, him. finally showing up to your fucking home on a friday night - 11 pm. forcing his way into your apartment and ignoring how terrified you looked and showing you all the pictures he took of you. like aren't you the cutest ? and you… staring at him, teary eyed and sniffling because you obviously cant fight back against this fucking behemoth who you accidentally tripped… this is your day of reckoning isn’t it…. dead if you do, dead if you don't, huh. well. eyeing his fat chest, looking over his stocky build.. this guy's in love with you that badly?! then.. he could never hurt you right…? haha… a spineless creature such as you submitting that easily, you can't help yourself and you cant blame yourself!!!
ㅡ"shh-sh..” he hisses softly, grunting as he fluidly jerks at your hardened prick over your jeans - your back pressed against a wall in a maze of alleyways. of course, its the go-to.. who are you to deny this bossy ass gangster when he wants to be fucked??? asking you so nicely… ( literally pulling you from the eyes of the public wordlessly. who was gonna say anything anyway??? they know of him and his status….) whimpering softly - music to his ears. wishing he could be recording this audio for his own needy purposes of jerking off to your shrine he made… plunging himself on your pre-cum and saliva lathered cock… it was mesmerizing. pulling up his shirt to reveal his abdomen - no complaint from the hulking bossy bitch as you fondle his chest. before he was switching positions and pressing his front into the wall and allowing you to hump into him at a lazy languid pace while groping at his meaty body underneath his tight-fitted shirt. he… has to remind you of who's the one in charge… “keep it down..” he reminds breathlessly, a grin spreading across his face as he pushes his hips back into you ㅡ deliberately clenching his gummy walls around yr meaty, aching dick - 
ㅡ“what's this?” 
“uhh… our conversation?” you squint, glancing between the hulking mass pining you and his hand holding his tiny phone - his hand was just … huge. displaying your messages, where he was the last one to send a message?
he inhales sharply at your obliviousness, huffing in obvious indignation - pushing you harder against the wall without intent. “you left me on seen.” he stresses the last word. did you?? he was nearly snarling like an animal with rabies. “why??” god, this guy is like an insecure girlfriend but 10 times worse. 
“... i got uh.. distractedㅡ” you squirm, avoiding eye contactㅡ
"distracted with what?” he intrudes, leaning inward - you could faintly smell a hint of mint and.. what is thatㅡcinnamon? what's this guy's problem, eating sweets and harrassing you?! and just a quick glance down would tell you everything you need to know. how awkward… do you even tell him or does he know that he's bulging? it throws you off… acting so moody but bricked up??? that's laughable and you can't help yourself. b-but you can't exactly laugh in good humor, hypnotized by the way his squishy pecs bounce up and down with his hole clamping on your cock ㅡ telling you in-between ragged breaths never to ignore him - yes, yes honey never in my life i will do such a thing, mhm..
805 notes · View notes
shuawonie · 6 months
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(in)visible.
pairing | yoon jeonghan x fem!reader
genre | fluff, angst, college au, hidden relationship au, non-idol au, comfort
word count | 7k
warnings | use of pet names (angel, baby, sweetheart), kissing, slight harrasment, mention of abusive behavior, alcohol consumption, jealousy, swearing, soft but also sometimes possesive jeonghan 😩 big angst bro-, THE SAINT LAURENT JEONGHAN???? (on my knees fr)
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summary: he decided to give you time, to let you feel comfortable with him and everything else. but you don’t want and need it anymore. you want to be visible. you want the two of you to be visible to the others. that you’re his and he’s yours.
a/n: oh my god.. my writer's block really hit me hard like a truck 😭 i’m so sorry for not posting anything for past few months.. </3 however ! here’s the small gift for you guys <3 hope u enjoy !
(i have already planned new jeonghan fanfiction and i’m SO proud of myself, watch me get the writer’s block again and post it after months again LMAOO)
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i got you, you got me,
when it's us, babe,
you make me feel complete.
you're all i need.
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Does Yoon Jeonghan have a girlfriend?
That was the question which was asked probably the most past days on your campus.
You could hear it everywhere. People were gossiping about in the hallways, in the bathroom, in the cafteria and even during the lectures, trying to get to the truth.
Is he single or not?
This whole situation began when someone from the campus took a photo of him, hanging out with a girl and holding her hand with a big smile on his lips. The face of the mysterious girl wasn’t shown in the picture, which is why they were wondering who it might be and if she’s his girlfriend.
Jeonghan was a 3rd year student and as far as everyone had known, he was staying single for a long time already. But now, nothing was sure.
People had mixed opinions on it. Some were happy for him that he found somebody to love, some were just really confused while not wanting to believe it's true, and the last group was really negative about it (thinking they even had a chance with Jeonghan, pfft).
However, it was obvious that everyone wanted to know the truth.
Does Yoon Jeonghan have a girlfriend?
However, only two people knew the answer to it.
Yoon Jeonghan himself, and you.
Jeonghan came out from the lecture class with his black messenger bag overhanged across his chest while being deeply immersed in his phone, when Seungkwan, campus’ sweet boy, joined him by his side.
“Hello Jeonghan!” he started enthusiastically, “How’s your day? Are you okay?” the boy blinked a few times and sent him a cute smile, while taking a sip of his beloved iced americano.
Jeonghan frowned, looking at him quite suspiciously.
“Hi,” he mumbled, letting out a sheepish chuckle, “Yea, I’m fine. Just finished my schedule, and I’m a bit tired. And you?” Jeonghan asked, continuing the conversation as the two of them slowly walked towards the entrance of the campus.
“Uhh.. I still have one lecture left, so I need to stay.” Seungkwan pouted, making the other boy smile, “Are you meeting someone? Or going home by yourself?” the sunshine boy asked, making Jeonghan stop mid-step, crossing his arms over his chest.
He looked at the younger boy with an amused expression as he snickered, “Seungkwanie, come on. Don’t tell me you’re also into this whole gossip trend on our campus.”
“Oh, hyung! But is that true? Are you seriously in a relationship?” Seungkwan questioned, tilting his head to the side, while wishing to get the answer everyone wanted to know. “Please! I won’t tell anyone.” he pouted.
Jeonghan let out a quiet snort, while looking to the side as he was kind of getting tired after hearing another person ask him that question.
Why was everyone suddenly so curious about it?
“I’m sorry Kwannie, but I won't tell you. Nice try though.” Jeonghan muttered, fixing his bag on his side, “See you tomorrow.”
Then, he turned around and walked out, leaving the younger boy and all of the gossip behind him in that building.
December's cold, evening breeze hit Jeonghan’s face, finally letting him breathe out in relief. The boy placed the hood over his head, tugging his hands into the pockets of his big hoodie.
He did it. He survived another day without getting caught.
Gosh.. it was so hard for him not to react every time he passed next to you in the hallways. To not stare at your beautiful face for too long, to not send you a soft smile, to not yield his food to you at the cafeteria or just hold your hand. He wanted to do it so badly, and many times he caught himself almost doing it.
But at the same time, Jeonghan was aware that even the smallest thing that could have been taken as ‘more than close friends’, might have caused suspicions from your or his friends. Which you two wanted to avoid at all cost. At least for now.
Your relationship had to stay invisible to people around you.
Even though the boy didn’t like that idea at first, after some time you two agreed that for now you won’t show your relationship in public, especially in college.
Jeonghan decided to give you time to get comfortable as it was your first relationship after being in a really harmful and traumatic one in the senior class at highschool. Your ex was a very cute and nice guy at the beggining who later turned into being really abusive towards you, especially verbally. And when you revealed at the beggining, that you two are dating, a lot of people abandoned you, leaving you behind with the problem that after a while you were forced to deal with all alone.
That’s mostly why you weren’t sure if you wanted to reveal your new relationship. And it’s not that you didn’t trust Jeonghan, because you did. You trusted him as no one else. But because of your past, you were not certain if you could go through that all over again.
Jeonghan couldn’t wait to finally see you, after this long and tiring day. He really wanted to hug you close and tell you how good you looked today. Because he missed you. Your voice, your smile, your smell, your warmth and your touch. He missed every single thing about you, and he hasn't interacted with you for only around 6 hours (not counting all of the texts that the two of you shared today).
Rushing towards your apartment with a bag of takeout food that he bought on the way, Jeonghan was already thinking what you two could do tonight. But the truth was that even if you two laid in your bed, cuddling, he was okay with it. Because what mattered to him was spending his time with you. Not the activity you did.
Right after only one ring to the door, you opened it with a tired smile visible on your face. You were already dressed in your kuromi pyjamas (to which Jeonghan had a matching, ‘my melody’ one), wearing fluffy socks.
Your boyfriend giggled, excited about seeing you and finally having you for himself only.
“Hi.” he said gently, with a bright smile shining on his face.
“Hi.” you replied softly, while connecting your hand with his, taking him into your apartment, and closing your door right behind him.
“I brought food!~" the boy cheered, taking his shoes off by his heels. You couldn’t help but melt, and a bright smile appeared on your lips.
The boy swung the bag in the air with a big smile, and you approached him, slowly kissing his cheek while thanking him sincerely. Then, he quickly placed the bag on the floor and wrapped his hands around your waist, hugging you tightly to his body.
Jeonghan laid his forehead on your shoulder, “I’m tired.” he murmured, closing his eyes while sighing, “I need to recharge.”
A smile creeped onto your lips as you slowly started to play with Jeonghan’s hair, him still being close to you.
“Don’t worry, baby. We have time.” you smiled, caressing his head. You let him ‘recharge’ as the boy didn’t move away from you for even a second.
“You’re doing a great job, Hannie.” finally, you broke the silence, feeling how he snuggled closer into the crook of your neck. The scent of your body has always had a calming effect on Jeonghan, and it wasn’t different now.
“I can’t believe that acting like a stranger with my girlfriend might be that tiring.” he murmured into your skin, immediately catching you off guard.
Your face saddened in the split of the second, with the feeling of guilt starting to take over you.
“Hannie-”
“No, it’s okay.” the boy looked up at you, with his shining, full of understanding eyes, “We both agreed on it after all. And I want you to feel comfortable when you’re with me. So I won’t pressure you into doing things you’re not okay with.” he added, and gently cupped your face with his hands, admiring your features.
“I’m sorry..” you mumbled, feeling the lump in your throat, “I’m sorry that because of me you have to pretend something you don’t want to, but.. please, believe me that I’m really.. really trying to somehow overcome this-”
Jeonghan quickly placed his lips on top of yours, connecting you in a gentle kiss, while stopping you from speaking more. At first your whole body stiffened, not expecting this. But the feeling of Jeonghan’s soft lips on top of yours started to overwhelm you, making you crave for more of him.
However, before you could even react and reciprocate his sweet action, Jeonghan already moved away from you, sending you a reassuring smile.
“Let’s eat, darling. I’m sure you’re hungry.” the boy suggested, and took the bag from the floor, making his way to your kitchen.
“And then I need to put my baby to sleep.” Jeonghan giggled, to which you quickly responded with a scoff, “I’m not a baby anymore.” you muttered, but the smirk was still present on your lips.
You quickly followed right after him, sitting by the kitchen island as you silently watched him take out the containers with food.
But the slight feeling of guilt hasn’t left you at all, making you stay up at night, tossing around in the bed, overthinking everything, while being tightly hugged from the back by Jeonghan.
Should you finally become visible to people?
Or should you let things stay as they’re now?
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“So..” Millie — your best friend, started and you looked at her suspiciously.
The two of you were coming back from the nearest coffee shop after buying a coffee to go for yourselves. This small break was good for you as you still had this one lecture to survive.
“So?”
“I met a guy.” she said while covering her face as she already knew how you’re going to react.
You let out a sigh, closing your eyes whilw tilting your head to the side. “Millie, I swear to god..”
“But listen!” she interrupted, “He’s actually really nice and he cares for the others a lot! He’s the greatest gentleman I know! And you won’t believe me, but he’s actually close friends with Yoon Jeonghan.” after hearing that name, your eyes immediately widened.
You choked on your drink, immediately starting to cough, “Ooh..” you started trying to stabilize your voice, “What’s his name?” you asked, quickly realizing that you sounded too interested about that.
Even though you remembered a few of Jeonghan’s friends as he was sometimes going out or just talking about them with you, you were really curious which one stole Millie’s heart.
She grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly, “Hong Joshua! Can you believe he’s also half american half korean? Just like me!” the girl exclaimed while grinning.
“Yeah, I’m happy for you-” you mumbled while trying to get off her hand, that was slowly starting to make your palm feel numb.
“I think we can even go and meet him now! Joshie said he’ll wait for me by the entrance.” Millie giggled just at the thought of the boy, and already started walking faster, leaving you behind.
You looked at her with some pity written on your face as you shook your head and followed her steps.
A few minutes later, the two of you were already standing by the entrance, waiting for Joshua to join you. On the way, Millie already told you that you’ll have this lecture together.
“He texted me he’ll be here any second!” Millie cheered, showing you the text that he sent her a few seconds ago. And as Joshua said, several seconds later, you two noticed him going towards you. However, he wasn’t alone.
Yoon Jeonghan, who was smiling brightly while listening to Joshua, accompanied him. It made your breath immediately hitch in your lungs.
Oh shit. You haven’t thought about the fact that he might actually come right now with Joshua.
“Hi Joshie!” Millie shouted enthusiastically, waving to the boy to get his attention. As soon as Joshua noticed Millie, his face brightened up as his eyes turned into two small crescents and a cute smile adorned his lips.
But you had your eyes stuck on him. And so did he, with a slight smirk that creeped onto his lips.
“Hi y/n! Millie talked a lot about you, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” Joshua greeted you, sending you one of his charming smiles to which you smiled back.
“This is my friend, Jeonghan.” he added, making you move your gaze at the mentioned boy, only to find him already staring at you.
There was a short silence before you decided to make the move.
“Hi.” you finally uttered, smiling gently.
“Hi.” Jeonghan replied, the same way as he had always greeted you.
It was your small tradition that only you two understood. Each of the smallest ‘hi’ you said, also meant ‘i missed you’ or ‘i love you’ at the same time.
“Oh, right, I almost forgot to tell you!” Millie said suddenly, making you twitch.
“Today, together with some other people from campus, we’re going to a barbeque restaurant! If you want to, you can join us. I think it’s going to be more fun and less uncomfortable if you’ll be there.” the girl remarked, and sent you a pleading look.
You looked at Jeonghan, searching for an answer on his face and he silently nodded, “Yeah, I can join you guys. And y/n too.” the boy answered, and shifted his eyes back to you.
“Perfect!” the girl cheered while hugging Joshua’s arm, “Then we see each other tonight at 6PM! I’ll send you the localisation later. But now let’s get going, the lecture is about to start!” she added, and then Millie pulled Joshua to the lecture hall, leaving you two behind.
“Are you okay?” Jeonghan asked, worried by the absent look in your eyes.
You smiled briefly, “Yeah.. I’m just a bit tired. I just need to survive this one last hour. But now let’s go, we don’t want them to get suspicious, do we?” sending a small wink to Jeonghan, you quickly followed your best friend’s steps to the hall, with Jeonghan going right behind you, not being able to hide the smirk on his lips.
When you sat down in the hall room, several students were already there. Millie sat next to Joshua, and Jeonghan decided that you'll sit in the row behind them.
As soon as the lecture started, you placed your arms on the desk and laid down. The feeling of tiredness after not getting enough sleep tonight was taking over you, making it really hard for you to survive this day.
However, it didn’t go unnoticed by Jeonghan that you looked exhausted. Gently, he removed your hair that got in the way, and stroked your back.
He leaned closer and whispered, “How about you rest a bit, hm? I’ll take the needed notes for us, so you don’t have to worry.”
You smiled gently, melting inside from the softness and care that the boy treated you with. Nodding softly, you whispered a small ‘thank you’ to Jeonghan.
Opening your eyes one last time, you saw Jeonghan’s focused face. He was playing with the pen in his hand as he always had to have something in his hand.
As you shifted your gaze to Millie, you immediately noticed that compared to your boyfriend, the girl wasn’t paying attention to the lecture at all. She probably wasn’t even planning on doing it, because Millie was busy studying the boy next to her. Smiling weakly at the mere sight, you closed your eyes, finally drifting off to sleep.
Little did you know, Jeonghan also decided to follow Millie’s steps after some time.
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“Hi angel, are you ready?”
Jeonghan peeked into your room as you were finishing getting ready for the night out. You looked up at him in the mirror, and the boy smoothly came closer to you with a smirk playing on his lips. He bent down to be on your eye level, and looked at you from the back by the mirror. The scent of his freshly applied perfume and shower gel hit your nose, showing that he just finished getting ready.
You two came back from the college around two hours ago. At the end of the lecture, the boy patted your arm gently, whispering your name to wake you up. He caught himself smiling at the sight of your sleeping figure, but quickly scolded himself for it, remembering that he has to take notes and act completely unaffected by you.
Not going to lie, it quickly became a big challenge for him.
The boy was wearing a black silk shirt with a deep neckline, paired with black loose pants. His hair was freshly styled, with his bangs resting right over his eyes. He looked incredibly attractive at that moment, making you rethink about how it is even possible that a man and an angel like him is actually your boyfriend.
You, on the other hand, did natural make-up, and wore a black dress that hugged your body perfectly, reaching around your calves area, with a deep cut that reached right above your knee. Your hair was left loose, and with a delicate gold necklace that Jeonghan gifted you on your birthday, your whole look was finished.
It was indeed intentional to choose an outfit that would match Jeonghan’s, and vice versa (but not too obvious). However, the more you thought about it, the more you were starting to doubt if you should go with that dress. Of course you wanted to look elegant and step out of your comfort zone a bit, but you quickly started to think if it was really worth it.
And just as if your boyfriend heard your thoughts, he whispered into your ear, “You look beautiful, sweetheart.” Jeonghan left a sweet peck on your cheek, “You don’t have to feel unsafe or uncomfortable. I promise I’ll be there to protect you everytime, at any cost.” he added, solving all of the problems that you could have been thinking at that moment.
The boy moved away a bit, finally allowing you to let out the breath that you didn’t even realize you’ve been holding the whole time. The scent of him was always really strong and just being by his side, you thought that you might go insane by any second.
Soon later, the two of you finally left your apartment, and sat comfortably in Jeonghan’s car that he parked in front of your house. Your way to the restaurant went actually really comfortably, and even when you didn’t say much, Jeonghan tightly held his hand intertwined with yours, whispering from time to time compliments to you.
When you entered the restaurant, Millie, Joshua and some other people that you didn’t really know were already sitting by the table. As soon as your best friend noticed you, she yelled your name and waved to you. The two of you joined the group, and you sat down next to Millie and a guy that you didn’t know. Jeonghan sat on the other side of the table, next to Joshua, and a girl who was really known in your college, Siyeon.
“I’m glad you guys actually made it!” Joshua cheered, and you smiled at him.
“Why did you two come together?” Siyeon asked, “Are you two dating or something?” she added, gaining everyone’s attention as everyone heard about the gossip.
She always knew how to get people to look at her. Siyeon was not only called the goddess of the campus, but also she made it with her attitude. And even now, she successfully gained everyone’s gaze by looking at her and at you two, while smirking lazily.
Her question made you immediately start to panic inside, but you were trying to not show it that much on the outside. Not knowing how to respond, you looked at Jeonghan, frightened. The boy immediately read from your facial expression what’s happening, and he decided to take action.
The boy laughed out loud, “Oh come on, guys! Does really everything have to be about dating? I just gave y/n a ride because it’s dark already, and she lives near me.”
Smooth.
Jeonghan looked at you, and sent you an apologetic look, “We’re just friends. We’re not in a relationship, guys.” he added, making the others start joking and laughing because of this situation.
Oh.
Even though you knew that the boy did it to protect you, and your relationship, you still felt that stinging pain in your heart.
But actually, what did you expect? Jeonghan did what he had to do to keep your relationship a secret. Something that you two agreed to do, especially because of you.
So why did you feel that way? Maybe.. just maybe, you deeply hoped that he would admit it, and say that you’re his girlfriend.
“Hey, you okay?” you heard Millie’s whisper by your ear, bringing you back from your thoughts.
You nodded, chuckling from embarrassment, “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.” she stroked your arm gently while sending you a reassuring smile, and you sent her a small smile, reaching for your glass of water to take a sip.
When all of you ordered, and the food together with alcohol was finally brought, your group started to eat, while telling stories, joking around, and slowly getting more drunk.
You weren’t really a fan of drinking as you had a light head, so you were always the responsible one for Millie as she always wanted to drink. But even now, when she had Joshua by her side, you still decided not to drink.
Jeonghan always reminded and assured you, that you shouldn’t worry about not drinking anymore. He insisted, that if you’d want to have some fun with friends then you shouldn’t stop yourself, because he’ll be there to protect you and take you home afterwards. But even when you knew he truly meant it, you still decided to stick by your glass of water.
Millie was already clinging to Joshua, already getting tipsy from the drinks she drank. People were laughing loudly at something and you were sitting silently, listening while finishing your portion of tteokbokki that you decided to have. A few minutes later, Jeonghan excused himself by the need to go to the toilet.
As soon as he disappeared by the corner, the boy next to you named Changmin, who also drank a few bottles of soju after the challenges the boys from your college made, turned around and suddenly shouted, “Oh y/n!” what made you immediately look at him, not knowing what was happening.
Then, the boy leaned closer to you, making you widen your eyes and he clumsily sweeped some of the sauce with his thumb, that was in the corner of your lips.
Unfortunately, while being already tipsy from the alcohol, he made even a bigger mess on your face as he not only smeared the sauce to your chin but also some of your lipstick.
“Oops!” he laughed goofily, and some of the boys that were there started to laugh with him.
You just hoped that someone would somehow help you. But Millie was already passed out on the chair, with Joshua being concerned about her. Other girls, including Siyeon, were busy gossiping and drinking more soju. So you were left alone with this situation.
Quickly, you reached for the napkin that was near your bowl, and turned slightly to the side, gently removing the sauce and leftovers from your lipstick. You felt embarrassed because of what happened, just as if that boy fully meant to do it.
But it wasn’t funny to you at all.
Changmin looked at you one more time before smacking your thigh with his palm and squeezing it slightly. You widened your eyes as you were flabbergasted what just happened. And in the split of the second, you pushed his hand away.
“What the fuck are you doing?” you asked angrily, as you immediately felt uncomfortable but also pissed by the boy’s sudden action.
“Aww, poor baby is not in the mood,” he chuckled and reached for his chopsticks to take another piece of the tteokbokki from your plate and put it in front of your mouth.
“We need to feed the baby, say aaaaah~”
You hit his hand away once again, and the boys around started to laugh even more, making you feel ashamed. The tears from helpless frustration started to sting your eyes, but you strongly resisted to open your mouth and eat the tteokbokki that Changmin put in front of you once again.
“Come on, y/n! Say a-”
“I’m sure y/n is not hungry anymore.”
You heard a voice from behind you, and the person quickly pushed Changmin’s arm away. You looked up, seeing Jeonghan’s serious face behind you. He took a quick glance at you, immediately noticing the tears that swelled in your eyes.
Your boyfriend grabbed your wrist and pulled you up, the chair squeaking by the sudden drag.
“Oh come one, dude!” one of the boys shouted, but he was totally ignored by Jeonghan.
He quickly hid your fragile body behind his silhouette, looking into your eyes which glistened with tears.
Jeonghan cupped your cheeks with his hands, “Talk to me, angel. Did he hurt you?” he whispered gently, looking at you intensively.
You didn’t respond to him, tears glistening in your eyes.
The boy cursed under his breath, quickly focusing on you once again, “I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry angel that I left you here alone..” he whispered, gently kissing your forehead, “I’ll take you home now.”
“Jeonghan, dude! Your friend is so damn pretty,” Changmin yelled, lazily getting up from the chair, stumbling over his own legs, “Can I have her number? You know that I like girls like her, especially in bed.”
You could see how Jeonghan’s face immediately darkened, and he let out a loud scoff after hearing the boy’s question. He took a deep breath and grasped your hand.
“Okay, then I’ll text you later!” Changmin shouted.
Not even glancing back anymore you two left the restaurant, immediately getting into Jeonghan’s car.
This time, the silence was really uncomfortable, compared to the time you drove here. The atmosphere between you not knowing why thickened.
During the whole way home, Jeonghan was silent. He focused on the road, still holding your hand, and only taking small glances at you from time to time. There were a few times when you wanted to say something, but as your mouth opened, nothing came out. You thought as if you’re going to explode from the nervousness you felt at that moment.
When you finally reached your apartment, you walked into it silently, taking off your coats and shoes.
You knew that the boy was trying to give you some time and space, but as you’ve already known Jeonghan well, you knew that something was bothering him as well.
The boy muttered something about getting a glass of water for himself, and you, feeling guilty about everything that had happened, decided to follow him to the kitchen like a puppy.
He took a glass for himself and also for you, and poured some water for you to drink before drinking from his glass. But you had other plans than drinking that stupid water.
You knew it was finally the time to destroy the wall between the two of you.
“Jeonghan-” you said, but in the blink of an eye his glass hit the hard surface of your kitchen island and he scooped you up, placing you on the countertop.
Jeonghan’s arms rested by the two of your sides, securing you, as he stood between your legs. He was silent, with his head lowered.
Your heart was beating like crazy and your breathing sped up. You had no idea what you should do in this situation.
“It’s so.. fucking frustrating.” the boy hissed, still not looking at you. You decided to give him time and you waited for him patiently.
Finally, after a while the boy raised his head, looking straight into your eyes. As he was slightly bent down, his eyes were on the same level as your, dangerously close to your face.
“It’s so fucking frustrating, that people can’t see that we are together. That you can’t call me yours, and I can’t call you mine. That I have to tell everyone that we’re just friends. That we can’t have any, even the smallest interactions..” he stopped for a second, being completely drowned in your eyes.
“Please.. y/n.” Jeonghan sighed painfully, “Can’t you see how hard I’m trying? Just give.. us a chance. I will show you that we can be together in the public, and that we can survive by being by each other’s side. Because I love you, y/n.”
And for the first time in your life, you saw Jeonghan's eyes fill with tears, making it really hard for you to also not tear up.
“A-and..” he stuttered, as his voice slowly started to break.
“Recently I’m not even sure anymore if you still love me the same way as I do.”
Ouch.
Just one sentence. Small like a needle, but painful like a knife.
You immediately cupped Jeonghan’s face, wiping his tears away with your thumb. The boy had stuck his eyes still to yours, desperately looking for an answer.
“I’m sorry, I’m so so so.. sorry, that I made you feel that way..” you uttered, “I was blind, mainly following my feelings and needs, while not focusing enough on yours, which you also had.” you stopped for a second, taking a big breath to not let your voice break.
“You’ve always been so patient with me, always honest and so soft with the way you treated me.. You protected me, and was with me when I needed you the most. And I..” your voice broke, and you let out a shaky sigh.
“I gave you nothing back but rules. I feel so stupid because of that..” your eyes shone with the tears that you couldn’t hold in anymore. Jeonghan was listening to you silently, with his eyes still watery, but now you could find hope in it.
“I’m so sorry, Hannie..” you whispered as you brought the boy closer, crossing your hands over his shoulders. He snuggled into the crook of your neck, while holding your waist tightly, and inhaling your scent.
You stayed in this position for a few good minutes, before you finally pulled away, resting your foreheads over yourselves. You had your eyes stuck on Jeonghan’s shining ones, and he had on yours. And at that point, when you were staring at your boyfriend, you'd made up your mind.
You were ready.
“Hannie..” you uttered.
The boy sent you a soft smile, “Yes, angel?” he murmured.
“I want us to be visible. I don’t want us to hide anymore.” you decided, immediately noticing how much you caught Jeonghan off guard by your sudden statement.
On the spur of the moment and Jeonghan’s confusion, you leaned down and placed your lips on top of his, connecting you in a soft kiss.
At first, Jeonghan didn’t react to your action. But then he melted into the kiss, turning it into a passionate and hungry kiss. He quickly cupped your cheeks with one of his hands, holding your face gently while not allowing you to pull away with his other hand that rested on your waist.
You ran your hands through his soft, dark hair. The boy lifted your body from the kitchen island, and you wrapped your legs around his waist, not breaking the kiss as the boy made his way to your bedroom.
Yeah.
You were sure that you wanted to make you two visible.
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The sound of the messages blowing up your phone has been ringing for the past 15 minutes, echoing in your room. Irritated by another incoming call, you finally woke up, and it turned out that it was Millie, the same as all of the messages.
You answered the call and put it on the speaker, placing your phone next to your pillow as you layed back on the bed.
“Millie.. I swear to god, if it’s something unimportant and you woke me up on the day when the lectures start later-”
“Wait y/n! Have you checked my messages?” Millie’s loud voice made you squeeze your eyes from the loudness, as you were still half asleep.
A sigh left your mouth, “Girl be for real. You just woke me up, how could I check your messages?” you muttered while rubbing your eyes.
“Then check it! I think you need to see it!” Millie shouted, and lazily, you took your phone, unlocking it and going straight to messages.
Millie sent you a screenshot with an Instagram post, uploaded by Siyeon. She took a selfie with Jeonghan, who sat next to her (probably not even knowing she was taking photos).
You immediately noticed that this photo was taken at the meeting that you attended a few days ago. Siyeon was wearing the same, short burgundy dress she wore that day, and Jeonghan had the same black shirt on.
But the most disturbing thing was the description she wrote under the post.
Liked by shushu_a and 16 134 others
SolLaSiyeon: finally breaking the radio silence 😘
“Can you believe that Lim Siyeon is in a relationship with Yoon Jeonghan?!” Millie squealed on the other side, and she started talking about something, but her voice began to gradually mute. You didn’t respond, being completely stunned by what you just saw.
“Wait. How do you know they’re together?” you asked, wanting to deny Millie’s assumption, “She didn’t say anything about it.”
“Oh y/n.. the title holds the whole meaning!” your best friend was quick to answer you, “She breaks the radio silence while posting a photo with Yoon Jeonghan. And in the description she writes ‘breaking the radio silence’ which refers to the gossip about Jeonghan’s girlfriend!”
Now it actually made sense, what made you feel even more terrified.
That one scene kept playing in your mind.
“Why did you two come together? Are you two dating or something?”
The girl was planning it from the beginning, making sure that her plan would work out.
Your best friend was still talking about something, but you didn’t really have the time to listen about how Joshua did this and that, so unfortunately you had to cut her off, “Sorry, Millie, but I really have to go. I’ll see you at the lectures later.” and you hung up, quickly getting up from the bed to get ready.
You couldn’t just leave it like that, you had to do something.
But what exactly..?
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Your heart was racing and you felt like throwing up. You were waiting by one of the lecture halls, pacing back and forth while trying to calm yourself down. From what you’ve heard from some people on the campus, Siyeon was supposed to finish her lecture now, making it easier for you to catch her and talk with her.
And just as you were coming by the door again, it opened widely and people started to flood out of the room. You waited, standing on the side by the wall, while nervously biting your lower lip. You kept observing when the girl would come out from the lecture hall.
Finally, after some seconds you noticed the familiar face, immediately feeling how your insides start to roll from the stress. Siyeon was talking with one of her friends, not even sparing one glance at you, being deeply immersed in her conversation.
You took one deep breath before following them, and finally calling Siyeon’s name. The girl stopped her movements and turned around to face you, immediately putting the fake ‘shit i have to look friendly’ smile on her face.
“Hi y/n, what’s up?” she asked, trying to sound as enthusiastic as she could. You gulped, feeling how hot your whole body started to feel.
“Hi,” you mumbled, “Could I ask you a favor?” the girl looked at you questioningly.
“Could you delete the post with Jeonghan that you recently posted?”
Siyeon’s eyes grew bigger as her smile turned into a grimace. “Huh why? Is something wrong with that, sweetie?”
“I don’t want you to create confusion and another round of gossip about my boyfriend.”
There you go. You finally said that.
However, the girl pressed her lips tightly, and looked at her friend, bursting out laughing. The wave of coldness ran through your body. That wasn’t something you expected.
“Okay, o-okay,” Siyeon stuttered, trying to calm down from laughing, “You got us. That was a nice one, y/n. Now if you excuse us-”
“I’m not finished.”
Suddenly, your hand gripped onto her wrist, stopping her mid-step from walking away. Siyeon glanced at your hand that was tightened around her forearm. She rolled her eyes, letting out a scoff as she turned around to face you.
Then you finally noticed how people started to circle you, observing what’s happening, some even recording. Your mouth immediately felt dry but you knew you couldn’t give up now.
“I don’t want you to post any more photos that include my boyfriend, while trying to make an impression as if he is your boyfriend. Yes! We might have been secret about our relationship, but it’s not as if we didn’t have the right to. It’s actually none of anyone’s business who Jeonghan is dating, because it shouldn’t be anyone’s main concern. But, when you post a photo with a description that says ‘breaking the radio silence’ as if you’re proposing to everyone, that you two are dating, then nothing else is left for me than to finally reveal the main secret, that everyone has been dying to find out the truth.” you smirked, while letting out a quiet snark.
“Yoon Jeonghan is dating me. I am his girlfriend, and Jeonghan is mine.”
Everyone and everything around you fell silent. The only thing you could hear at that moment was your rapidly beating heart, and your own breathing.
After some seconds, you finally looked at Siyeon, only to find she wasn’t looking at you. The girl had her eyes set on something behind your figure. You frowned, and slowly turned around.
At that moment, you felt as if your heart dropped. Your whole body froze, the feeling of embarrassment and shame striking you right at that specific moment.
Because no one else than Yoon Jeonghan himself was standing a few meters from you, in front of the whole crowd. He had his hands stuck in the pockets of his jeans, head tilted a little to the side while a proud smirk was stuck to his lips.
When Siyeon finally came out of her daze, she hit your stiff figure with her shoulder as she ran up to Jeonghan, pouting. “Jeonghanie! Did you hear what that crazy chick was saying? Isn’t she stupid? How could she even say such insane things! You’re not her boyfrie-”
“Oh, but I am.” he cut her off, with that lazy smirk he always loved to wear.
If your speech made an impact on people who stood around you, Jeonghan’s approval surely caught the whole crowd off guard. Everyone started to whisper, gossip and murmur about something.
“W-what?” Siyeon’s lips started to tremble, “But oppa..” she whined, trying to argue with him, but Jeonghan simply ignored her.
He slowly approached your shaking figure, sending you a warm grin. Gently, he took your hand and connected it with his, intertwining your fingers. The boy left a butterfly kiss on your knuckles, immediately getting sounds of adorations and approval from around.
Your eyes met his, and the boy whispered, “Trust me.”
Jeonghan slowly walked out of the crowd, pulling you out from that corridor. The two of you left the building silently, and finally when you were in the campus’ park, you had to break the silence.
“Hannie..” you removed your hand from his, gaining a questioning look from your boyfriend, “Listen, I’m sorry.. I know I should have stopped myself from doing it, from getting jealous, from confronting Siyeon, and from letting out the secret, but believe me I didn’t do it on purpose.. I-I.. ah..” you stuttered, being lost in your words, “I couldn’t just leave it like that when everyone started to gossip about you being in a relationship with her and-”
“y/n, stop.” Jeonghan’s firm voice ran through your whole body, shutting you up right away.
The boy chuckled, gently cupping your cheeks with his palms, and looking deeply into your eyes with his shining ones.
“Did you really think I would get mad at you for any of these? Angel.. why would I even do that..? You can’t imagine how happy I felt when you finally gave us a green light. But still, I wanted you specifically to tell us about us and our relationship.” he caressed your cheeks with his knuckles, smiling at your pouting face.
“And that moment when you claimed that you’re my girlfriend and I’m only yours? Damn, sweetheart, that was so hot-”
“Yoon Jeonghan!” he immediately got rewarded with a slap on his shoulder as the boy bursted out laughing at your shyness.
“Okay, I’m sorry!” he giggled, and you finally broke the grimace, sending him a soft smile.
“But seriously, you can’t even believe how happy you just have made me right there.” Jeonghan added, and left a sweet kiss on your forehead before conecting your hands once again.
“Hot chocolate?” he asked charmingly.
“Hot chocolate.” you nodded.
Walking down the main sidewalk of your campus, many people looked at you, and specifically at your intertwined hands. With your cheeks burning red, you took your phone out of your pocket, only to find lots of calls and messages from people from the campus. And one of them was Millie.
Millie:
YOU.
bitch
how dare you not tell me anything!!!! >:(
you have LOTS to tell me
and i won’t let you go
oh nononononooooo
so better prepare yourself
cuz i need to know
every.
single.
detail.
EVERYTHINGGGGGG
As you think of it now, while laying peacefully in your bed and having Jeonghan snuggled into the crook of your neck, even if you liked the way you two functioned while being ‘invisible’, you had to agree.
Being visible with Jeonghan was much better.
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dreamofbetterthings · 2 months
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No Regrets Noah Sebastian x Reader
Prompt: "The problem is, if I kissed you, I don't think I'd be able to stop."
VIP: Noah Sebastian
Band: Ban Omens
Summary: There's no such thing as a "calm" Halloween night, especially when hidden feelings are involved.
Warnings: It's gonna be a little spicy, but not full-on smut. Still, this is 18+ due to descriptive language and some curse words scattered about, so minors, please DNI. 
A/N
Hello everybody! I'm sorry that I dropped off the face of the Earth. I have an abundance of things going on in my personal life and I am trying my hardest to get through it all. I know in the last post I said chapter 3 of It's Been A Long, Long Time was coming soon. That wasn't a lie. It is still in the process of being edited. I'm working on a new uploading schedule for you guys, and a page redesign as well so if everything pans out the way I'm hoping, it will be put into effect starting next week. In the meantime, I have a couple of stories I'm planning on getting out before Chapter 3 gets released. This turned out a lot longer than I thought it was going to be, but I had an idea and ran with it. I've never written for Bad Omens before, so let me know what you think. Enjoy!
This is a fictional story about real-life people. Nothing that is mentioned in the story below represents who said individuals are, or how they act in real life.
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Halloween night was always your favorite time to be around certain people, specifically the friends you called Motionless in White and Bad Omens. There was always something up their sleeve to turn the normal night into one that you weren't sure you wanted to remember in the morning. Luckily, tonight was the annual hangout at Chris' house this year, and you couldn't be more excited. Every year you all would get together at someone's house and pass out candy to the kids, then watch a couple of movies after the last stragglers came through. After that, came your favorite part of the night, Hide and Seek. It might seem childish, but watching a bunch of tipsy/drunk people try to stay quiet in a hiding spot was always hilarious.
 You were making another batch of popcorn when Chris walked into the kitchen. "Hey, we just put on The Lost Boys, just thought I'd let you know." You smile. "I'm not surprised. That's almost everybody's favorite." He laughs and grabs another bowl from the cabinet. "I know, that's why we put it on first, so nobody can complain about it later." The timer on the microwave went off signaling that the popcorn was finished, and you carefully took the bag out. You gave Chris the cooling-down bag and picked back up the one you set on the counter before he walked in. After emptying them and grabbing extra napkins, Chris brought the popcorn out to your friends who were talking through muffled and hushed whispers. Before you walked back into the room, he pulled you back for a second to whisper something in your ear. "I pulled the seeker for tonight. Unfortunately, it wasn't you. Maybe next year." You pout and then smile "Fuck, I'm never going to get picked." He laughs as you glanced around at everybody scattered in the room. 
Ryan sat with Justin on the loveseat. Folio was a drama queen and insisted he get his own seat. Nicholas, Vinny, and a few other of your friends, Florence, Nicole, Victoria, and Robert who were invited sat around the coffee table on the floor. Ricky, Jolly, and Noah were on the couch. Then, you and Chris got the two giant bean bags in the corner. The lights were changed to red and the TV just started the opening credits to The Lost Boys. You and Chris give the popcorn to Ricky and Nicholas respectively, everybody else having their own mostly full bowls, and grab your drinks before plopping back down on the bean bags. Folio rubs his hands together and smiles. "Now that our final two goofballs are here, who's ready to watch one of the best horror movies ever made?" Everybody gives some form of yes or a holler, and he immediately turns the volume up. As the movie plays, there is a small conversation here and there, and occasionally someone has to get up for a new drink, but you are relaxed and having fun. 
At about the halfway point of the movie, Noah gets up to get another drink from the fridge. On his way back, Jolly scares him, causing his wine to spill all over the floor and your sweatpants. "Jesus man!" The movie is paused and everyone's attention is on you guys. Jolly laughs and puts his hands up in defense. "Sorry dude, I had to scare you at least once today." He turns to look at you. "Didn't mean to ruin your sweatpants though, my bad." You wave him off. "It's no big deal, these were old anyway. You guys can keep the movie playing. I'm just gonna change into different pants real quick." You take a sip of your drink and get up from your spot to go upstairs. 
After finding your weekend bag, you huff as the extra sweatpants are nowhere to be found. Instead, you pull out a pair of spandex volleyball shorts and go to the bathroom. Noah hears the sink running upstairs as he's cleaning up the accidental mess he made by your spot. He throws the paper towels away and before he gets to the stairs, Chris quietly asks "You good?" He nods, telling the other singer he's going to make sure you're okay, and heads to your bathroom. He knocks a few times and after a couple of seconds, the sink cuts off and you open the door. You were expecting one of your girlfriends to be standing there, but instead, it's Noah. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I'm sorry about spilling on your sweats. I hope I didn't ruin them." Holding up the pants, you show him where the stain had previously been. "If these sweats can make it through one of your tours, they can certainly handle a little bit of wine. I just didn't want them to stain, since you drink the darker stuff." He chuckles and follows you back into the bedroom. 
You grab your shorts and get ready to put them on, but Noah points to your leg. "I didn't know you had a thigh tattoo." You glance at it and glance at him confused. "Really? I got it a while ago. I could've sworn I showed you when I got it done. Then again, I'm always in longer shorts, so it's not exactly easy to see." Setting them down, you turn to the side and pull part of your underwear band up, showing the last covered part of the tattoo. Looking up at Noah, you can see he's staring, but there's something else behind his eyes. Just not sure what it is though. You don't flinch when he reaches his hand out, but your skin gets goosebumps as his fingers ever so lightly trace over the ink on your leg. Everybody that came over tonight had seen each other in their undergarments or even completely nude before, whether by accident or on purpose. Hell, you've walked in on him changing plenty of times. 
So why did the room suddenly feel hot? 
It could be that you've had a crush on the man since you were kids. There wasn't anything not to like. His personality just made you want to be around him all the time. He's sweet and kind, and has a terrible sense of humor that only you two get. You could go on and on. He was just an all-around amazing person. You were so caught up in your thoughts, that you missed the hand that was snapping in front of your face. "Hello? Are you there?" Coming back to reality, you saw Noah looking down at you with curiosity. You quickly apologized and asked him to repeat what he said. "I said it looks amazing on you. The placement is perfect and it works great with the curves of your leg." You thank him and can't help but notice just how close he's standing to you. There's a tense silence for a couple of moments, and neither of you moves from your spot. You glanced at his eyes, then his lips, but immediately looked away. 
It felt like you were a school girl again, talking to the guy you've had a crush on for ages. You heard him mumble a "Fuck it" before he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. They were soft and tasted like wine, courtesy of the drink that led you here in the first place. You felt his hand move to rest against your cheek. His lips were gentle, almost as if he was savoring the moment, afraid it would never happen again. When the two of you finally pulled away for air, your eyes remained closed for a moment, before slowly opening them and meeting Noah's. The two of you looked at each other in pure awe before you let out a small "Woah" He laughed, and you looked down, feeling your cheeks become hot.
The thought of you being so flustered made him blush too. How was it possible for someone to be this cute? Your heart was pounding out of your chest, and you almost couldn't comprehend what just happened. "You know, for someone that always complained he was a terrible kisser, that was uh, really impressive." He could feel you now completely relaxed against him and he laughed a little, slightly embarrassed. "I'd say that I've had practice, but you already know my teddy bear in fifth grade doesn't count." The two of you laugh. Remembering his hand resting on your cheek, you look away and take a small step back. "I think we should get back to the movie. It's gotta be almost over by now, and I don't want them to yell at us for taking too long." He let out an uncomfortable laugh and muttered a "Yeah." 
You never noticed but Noah frowned slightly when you pulled away from him. He felt so comfortable being that close to you. As you turned to the door he realized something. He really liked you and didn't want this to be just a one-time thing, especially if it was going to make things weird between you afterward. He picks himself out of his thoughts just as you open the door. He walks across the room, taking your hand and silently closing the door. Standing there surprised, you ask him, "Are you okay?" It was now or never he told himself. "I'm sorry, I just..." He takes a breath before continuing. "I really want to kiss you again." You stand there just as surprised but decide to see just how far this could possibly go. "What's the problem then?" He lets go of your hand and brings his own up to hold your face. Pressing his forehead against yours, he whispers. 
"The problem is, if I kissed you, I don't think I'd be able to stop." 
He obviously likes you, right? But this is your best friend. You've known each other for years. If he did like you this much, he would've told you by now, right? You two have been affectionate towards each other before, but there's a line neither of you dared to cross. If you crossed it now, you would rather do it with no regrets. It was better than wondering what could have been. "What if I don't want you to stop?" Noah tilts your head so you're looking him in the eyes. 
"Then I won't." 
He pushes his lips against you again, this time with newfound hunger. His hands fall and grab at your waist while yours go around his neck. Your feet follow his backward and you hit the edge of the bed. He pulls you down to sit on his lap, completely forgetting your lack of pants while he pushes himself further back on the bed. His tongue runs across your bottom lip and you open your mouth allowing him in. Your hands gently tug at the now-cut-short hair on the back of his neck and he grabs at your hip hard enough to leave bruises before pulling you even closer to him. Shifting your weight a little, your lower half sits directly on his hardening cock and he groans into your mouth. He pulls his lips away only for them to move down your neck. You tug at his hair a little harder and he sucks at the tender skin that connects your neck and shoulder. A moan leaves your lips and you mindlessly grind down against him. There was nothing that could prepare you for how right this felt. Like you were seeing a whole different side of him, hidden from the outside world, and for your eyes only.
Noah moved to whisper in your ear. "Quiet baby, wouldn't want everybody to hear us, hmm?" You shake your head no, but it doesn't matter as he kisses you again. "Hey, are you guys-OH MY GOD!" The bedroom door opens to see a shocked Chris looking at the two of you. Noah pulls away from your mouth, and the two of you look like deer in headlights. "I'm going to go... quickly." Chris walks away, before coming back and closing the door. You and Noah make eye contact for a split second, before the two of you look away, slightly embarrassed that you were caught. "Maybe we should go back before someone comes in again." He clears his throat and nods. "Yeah, that's a good idea." Carefully getting off of him, you stand up and let him off the bed. You both straighten out your respective clothes, and you finally put on those shorts. 
"Are you alright?" He nods and you get ready to walk toward the door. Noah runs his fingers through his hair. "Um, Before we go, I just wanted to ask...You don't regret any of what just happened, right?" You immediately shake your head no, slightly frowning. Maybe this was all a big mistake. "Not at all. Why? Do you?" He smiles and also shakes his head no before taking your hand in his. "Nope. No regrets." A smile replaces the frown on your face. You ask "Are you ready for them to never let us live this down?" He laughs and glances at the door. "That doesn't sound like such a bad thing to me." Giving him a nod, he opens the door and the two of you walk back into the living room where the rest of your friend group is talking amongst themselves. When they hear you guys walk in, it gets silent. Noah lets go of your hand so you can sit down first, and then goes to his spot on the couch. 
Nobody said anything for the first couple of moments before Chris broke the silence. "You guys fucked in my spare bedroom..." Instantly you and Noah sat up and shook your heads. Your voice and his overlapped and both of you tried to tell your friends that technically nothing happened. Once the two of you were finished explaining, the room was silent for another couple of moments before anyone spoke. The silence was starting to make you uncomfortable, but before you could say or do anything, Ryan threw his hands up and yelled. "Fucking finally!" This breaks the tension in the room and everybody starts laughing and giving you and Noah happy looks. You even saw a couple of people passing money around. Those fuckers bet on you and Noah getting together. When the commotion has died down, another movie has started, and everybody turns their attention to the TV. As you focus your attention on the screen, your phone buzzes, and you pick it up. 
Noah
"I was thinking later we could finish what we started in the spare bedroom?"
You smile at your phone and quickly respond before setting it down.
"Well, we're still playing Hide and Seek after the movie. I'm once again not the seeker, lol. If it happens to be you, don't go easy on me. Depending on how the rest of the night plays out, you might get your wish ;)"
Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Noah readjust himself in his seat. He sends back a text almost instantly, and goosebumps litter your skin again as you read his last text.
Noah
"Oh, I won't. I like the hunt."
Nope, no regrets.
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saerins · 3 months
Text
PREV: #004 THIS SPARK, IS IT REAL? 𖧧 #005 THE ICE SURRENDERS 𖧧 NEXT: #006 COMFORT IN FAMILIARITY ꒰ series masterlist ꒱
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꒰ঌꨄ︎໒꒱ — the closer you get to itoshi sae, the closer you are to the part of it all that you’d rather skip: your mother, your problems, your baggage.
content: itoshi sae x female reader. fluff/angst. tw: reader’s mom—calls her a whore. profanity, verbal abuse, switching povs, jealousy, unrequited love, making out. word count: 9.6k
༝༚༝༚ sorry for the absurdly long wait !!! as you know i was sick and out of it for the past week so this chapter was difficult to get out :( but anw it's here :) gimme a while more for those of you who asked for extras hehe but i hope you guys enjoy this for now !! mwah ily
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“who? that guy that you’re always reported with?”
bianca sighs, her bad mood more than obvious to her manager, who’s been with her for three years now. considering she’s been there since her career started, bianca’s not surprised she can tell her moods from just a single look.
“yeah, he’s been… cold lately.”
at least, bianca seems to think so. sae hasn’t been this cold to her since they first got close. she’s biting on her lips, staring at their message thread, her messages going unresponded for a while now.
“bianca, you like him, right?”
her manager’s question goes unresponded, bianca’s lips tightly sealed. but that’s enough of an answer for her.
“why don’t you just tell him? who knows he might like you too? you two spend a lot of time together for two busy people.”
the words give her hope, but it’s not very many. bianca had hoped that after at least a year and more of getting to know each other that maybe sae would start to feel something, anything. it doesn’t look like it. he’s never once initiated hanging out with her, and no matter how many times she’s bugged him for something as simple as, for example, wearing his jerseys, he wouldn’t even budge.
what if people misunderstand, his lousy excuse. isn’t that just another way to say he doesn’t even want it?
“are you sure he’s not just busy?” her manager asks again upon her silence.
sure, that is the logical train of thought. sae’s one of the best midfielders the world has ever seen. not even counting that, he’s beautiful—a face and body that many brands would want to invest in, want help to sell their brand with. it’s entirely plausible that he has a packed schedule, and bianca would think that, if not for the fact that he’s been acting weird lately.
sae always plans his sleep—that’s why he refused her invitation to meet with her friends that night, isn’t it? he was tired and wanted to sleep, but he showed up the next day looking exhausted, more than bianca’s ever seen. apart from that, he even followed that mystery girl from that night; bianca recognises you from your profile picture.
who are you, exactly?
bianca finds herself scrolling through your profile—she already has your username memorised somehow. you don’t post much, and you don’t really post anything with anybody, just things like scenery from work travels and activities like baking, and you’re not tagged in much either, except for this one girl named sumi. still, all she’s able to gather from you is your name and that you work at a sports magazine.
is that all you want from sae? interviews and favours?
it better be.
“anyway,” bianca’s manager sighs as she prepares to go home for the day, having settled everything else regarding bianca’s schedule. “you have the whole week free after tomorrow, you should go to japan and surprise him if you want. maybe take some of that anxiety off,” she suggests, noting that bianca’s face will be perpetually pouting if she doesn’t get to the root of her questions.
on the couch, bianca sits up, the idea registering in her head, grinning from ear to ear. “you’re right,” she agrees, immediately making arrangements to fly to tokyo. “i’ll do just that.”
she’ll go to tokyo, she’ll talk to sae and try to wring it out of him. if it really is nothing, then great, but bianca’s already planning her next course of action if it isn’t.
bianca doesn’t know who you are just yet, but one thing she wants you to get clear in your head: sae is hers and hers alone.
maybe not now, but one day she’ll make it happen. and until then, she doesn’t want anyone to cut in.
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you blink and stare in shock as you see the heart on your screen. it must be accidental. has to be. sae doesn’t look like the type to send hearts. you shake it off, bringing yourself back down to earth.
it’s the next day after your drinking session with otoya and the others. your mind’s pretty hazy; you don’t really remember much especially on the later half of the night—you only remember taking a leap of faith and dragging sae into seven minutes of heaven with you. you’re sure you did nothing at all, except talk, but even what you talked about is pretty foggy. what you do remember is that he said he isn’t involved with anyone. you smile just thinking of it.
maybe it’s stupid, possibly falling head over heels for someone like sae who has many more admirers than you can imagine, but you can’t stop yourself from seeing the signs that he’s sending you.
just his texts are proof alone—you know he’s not someone who wastes his time on people he doesn’t see in his future. and you want to think that he’s not treating you like this over something as simple as pure friendship. but you don’t want to get your hopes up. you don’t think you’ll actually believe it until he tells you himself.
after all, there’s still the whole thing with bianca. even if he says he’s not involved with anyone, with the way all the other guys talk about her and sae, you can’t help but feel there’s something more there. but maybe that’s not something you have to concern yourself with for now.
yeah, because right now, there’s an even bigger monster that stands on the other side of your door, pounding on it like the world will end if you don’t answer her. her shrill voice is enough to give you headaches that could last a year, and her demands—even worse.
“i swear to god, y/n, if you don’t open this damn door before they get here i’m gonna kill you myself!”
four minutes now that you’ve been ignoring her. she hasn’t stopped to take a breath. it must be really urgent. she must’ve screwed up really bad. again. you’re pretty tired of it. you wish you’d given up on her already. sometimes.
there’s a stack of cash in your hands that you’re fiddling with. your hard-earned money. yours to supposedly spend as you please. supposedly. but what’s yours hasn’t been completely yours for a while now.
begrudgingly, you yank the door open, your eyes just short of a speck of anger—your mother’s wide eyes are much worse, not a speck of affection for her own daughter. you wonder why your own flesh and blood looks at you like that. you remember how kind sae’s eyes are; why can someone like him look at you like that while your own mother looks like… this?
“here. payment for this month, like i said,” you huff, nearly earning yourself a slap across the face again, except your mother’s holding it in. probably for a more appropriate time.
“not enough. need a bit more.”
you squint your eyes at her in disbelief. “you borrowed even more? we can barely afford—”
“then make yourself of use like your father was!” she cuts in, the disdain in her voice clear, like the day used to be. “really, all you need to do is not be a bitch by talking back and you can’t even do that. i should’ve aborted you when i got the chance.”
she spits those words out as if there was never a day that she loved you. she says them as if she was forced to have you. she storms off as if she has any right to demand you for anything.
you shouldn’t be abiding by them, but you can’t help it. the old picture of you and your parents when you were ten sits sourly at the edge of your study table, their once perfect smiles all smeared by recent memories, fading away as if they were just a fever dream.
“mom and dad will always love you, okay?”
is it a crime to want that loving woman back?
eita would be a good person to talk to about all this, given he knows a fair amount, but he doesn’t know how truly bad your mother’s gotten, and you’re not sure you want him to. you’ve burdened him enough, making him constantly worry about you even when he’s busy, and you’re not sure how much of it you can take from him without starting to feel guilty all over again.
and a part of you wants to warn sae that if he doesn’t want anything bad staining his reputation that he should stay away from you. but there’s the dominant part of you that wants to pursue what you want, without guilt or having to think about others, that wants to give yourself a chance at what makes you happy.
your mother has a tendency of taking them all away though. it wouldn’t be the first time.
for the first time, you find yourself wanting to count on someone other than eita, and for entirely different reasons. you’re texting the person who makes your heart beat faster without a second thought.
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your fingers hover hesitantly over the send button. your mind plays the memories with shiro all over again. he used to give you the same feelings sae did. he used to make you think he was all green flags and clear skies and it’s eerily similar to what you feel now.
can you really trust yourself with this?
clumsily, your thumb deletes everything, putting in its place a lame excuse—i’m just feeling the monday blues kicking in early, save me.
maybe one day you’ll trust him enough to tell him about it. yeah, one day.
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“why haven’t you told him yet?” eita asks you the next day, when you’ve given up holding strong in your house and decided to defect to his.
you’re out on his balcony, leaning against the back of the chair, enjoying the rare chilly weather of the afternoon. eita’s beside you, barely awake because he always sleeps in and today you just so happened to intrude on some of that time.
sae, for the most part, entertains you whenever he’s free, even now he’s still replying you. but no matter how good your life gets, you can’t get the ick of staying with someone who doesn’t really love you away. hence why you’re here, seeking escape once again. albeit in a different way than you used to.
although, with all the questioning you’re receiving, you think maybe you should’ve just toughed it out. still, you should’ve expected this topic to come up sooner or later. it’s not unreasonable for eita to get worried when you seem to be seeking him out more than usual anyway.
you sigh, it’s a headache that you’re too used to blocking out that when eita asks you about it you’re not too ready to answer him. “and say what? ‘hey, by the way, my mother’s a perpetual gambling addict who will ruin your entire reputation if word gets out at all’? no thank you.”
there’s a small pause when eita thinks your words through.
“what, you didn’t think of the same thing when hanging out with me?”
you look pointedly at him, arms crossed, wind swirling through your hair. “that’s different, we’re best friends, eita.”
eita chuckles, stretching his hand out and laying his head against it on the wooden table, staring at you. “what’s this now? so you got a crush on sae, huh?”
fuck. you curse at yourself internally when you realise what you’d just confessed to.
“didn’t know you two were even talking,” eita mumbles, maybe to himself with how soft he is right now. “guess it makes sense. that guy wouldn’t have taken care of you the whole night if there wasn’t something going on.”
you mirror eita’s position, looking back at him. “don’t tell me too much, but… is he like this with bianca too?”
yeah, you hate yourself for asking about that to someone who’s not sae, but you want to know what eita thinks. because unlike oliver and the others, you trust eita.
there’s a look that he gives you that you’re not too sure what to make of. it’s gentle, and a little unlike him that you might confuse him for actually being half-asleep and caught in his dreams. but he shrugs, looking away, “i mean, there’s a difference in the way he takes care of you two. if you ask me, if bianca asked him to stay he probably wouldn’t. if it came from you, i think he would.”
eita wants to do the opposite, lie a little and maybe turn you away from his friend. but it’s you. it’s someone he could never lie to. not anymore. and he’d rather stay your best friend than get blacklisted for lying to you.
he sees you heaving a sigh of relief.
“you really like him, huh?” he meant to say that in his head, but the words just roll off his tongue.
there’s a lot of other things you’d usually say to distract him and force a change in subject, but given how much you’re already keeping from him about how bad your mother’s really gotten, you feel like you owe him some form of transparency somewhere, as thanks for keeping you sane most of the time.
“yeah, i think so,” you say, the only hesitation in your voice coming from the fact that you’re not sure if you should be telling eita about this.
for his part, he isn’t falling apart. maybe because all along he knew somewhat that this day would come and that he still wouldn’t be ready, still wouldn’t be able to say he wants one person and one person only. but you’re already there. you’ve always been.
“first time you feeling this way?”
“eita, let’s not go there.”
“why not?”
you stop the conversation from going too quickly, regaining the balance. “so… it was true, then?” there’s a reason you say it in past tense. you hope it’s not still true, from a selfish perspective.
eita’s forced laughter is enough of an answer. he still graces you with an answer. “it still is, i guess.”
for the first time ever, the both of you are addressing this. a few years too late, admittedly, but considering you’re two people who hate being straight with each other about these things, it’s progress.
you remember the day the signs got too real to ignore. it was the day you ran. it was the day eita denied everything because he didn’t want you to but still lost you.
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A FEW YEARS BACK
“yeah? you’re not gonna even tell me that things between us are off?” he spat, the frustration seeping through his voice, disdain on every syllable.
eita never used that tone of voice on you until that moment.
it was raining again. just like that night he first kissed you. you thought it would forever mean nothing, you thought it would be something comfortable—for the both of you. something with nothing attached.
“answer me, then. you really gonna date that fucker shiro of all people?”
eita was young, and his fame was steadily rising. he had multiple people throwing themselves at him, wanting anything he could offer and yet everything he was offering to you, you threw away.
not that you necessarily knew what was going on in eita’s head, but given how you were acting, you might have an idea. that was why, right? that was why you were pulling away.
there’s thunder, and dozens of cars passing by, rainwater covering the both of you from head to toe because eita saw you for the first time in weeks and he just couldn’t wait to talk to you any longer. you had been avoiding him for so long now, were you even friends anymore?
your normal cheerful expression was clouded over, your glare more than enough warning that he shouldn’t be doing all of this but eita wasn’t going to stop no matter what. not until he got everything out. he was going to wait until you responded to him because you were apparently so fucking good at avoiding people.
“and how is that any of your business?”
eita barely recognised the person talking to him. since when did you learn to hate him that much?
“oh, i’m sorry, i must’ve missed the fucking memo that we weren’t talking or fucking anymore,” eita spat, the sarcasm dripping off his tongue something he used to use on everyone but you. not now, though. he was too angry for that.
you scoffed, walking one, two steps forward, both of you just an arm’s length apart. “then hear this, eita: we’re not fuck buddies anymore, and i have a boyfriend, so just stay away, okay?”
there were multiple voices in his head screaming not to say what he wanted to say at that moment, screaming at him that he would regret it, but he didn’t listen. his eyes wide, a sneer on his face; he was determined to look more vindictive than you were right then. “oh wow, y/n, didn’t know you were such a slut like your mom, giving it to whoever has more moneybags,” he mocked, more than aware of the hurt in your eyes but his temper was bad, and he couldn’t stop himself. “you know what? maybe you deserve all this shit, then, since you’re the same.”
the slap you gave him that day was the second hardest you’d given him in your life, maybe because a part of you was too distraught hearing those words from him that you weren’t in your best condition. that, and maybe the rain. but you ran away crying, as much as you tried to hide it. but eita had been in this position before, had seen what you looked like while running in the rain with tears in your eyes though you tried to mask them as the rainwater. you never liked to cry in front of him, and you never did.
and then, he was the reason you cried. the one person who you thought would never do that.
that night, as you ran straight into your boyfriend’s arms, you thought maybe you deserved it for not being able to deal with other people’s feelings properly. it wasn’t eita’s fault for having emotions, and it most certainly wasn’t his fault that he didn’t want to tell you about it. but you could feel it.
you felt it in the way he tried to hold your hand while walking alone. you felt it in the way he tried to hug you to sleep after he fucked you senseless. you felt it in the way he wasn’t seeing anyone else anymore. it wasn’t that you didn’t care about him, but with everything that was going on, emotions aren’t such a simple thing that you could handle, after all. especially if you didn’t feel the same way.
it was supposed to be a pair of best friends, using each other, nothing more and nothing less and you couldn’t take the heat when you felt eita wanting more. maybe you should’ve done it differently. maybe. and it was funny that you could tell how he felt about you yet at the moment, you couldn’t tell if he meant what he said.
and maybe if you knew better, you would've asked. no, if you knew better, you would've talked to him about it.
but it was all too late.
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PRESENT
“oi, snap out of it.”
eita’s normal snappy voice brings you back to where you are, in his balcony sitting and supposedly enjoying the view, because when you’re high up here it almost looks like you have no troubles in life—at least, not the ones you have.
“look, i’m not gonna ask you to ignore what i just said,” eita says, sighing before he looks you straight in the eyes, his green irises much warmer than they used to be. “but can i ask you a favour?”
it takes you a while to respond, only because you can’t tell what he wants from you. your mouth opens slowly and carefully, “what?”
eita scoffs, and this time it’s not in disgust and you can tell. you can tell his mannerisms a lot better now. maybe because you’re both adults, and more transparent. maybe because you both had already lost each other once and know what that felt like, and maybe you both don’t want it to happen ever again. you don’t really know about him, but to you, no one can replace him in your life. his presence is too significant for that.
“stop looking at me like i’m a lost puppy.” he’s scowling now, downturned lips softening just a little, into a pout.
you snort, containing your laughter. perhaps you’d been thinking a little too much about it that you’re starting to look at him with pity. “yeah, okay.”
“that isn’t the favour.”
“then what is?”
he carries a straight face as he talks to you now, his fingers coming up to flick you softly on the forehead. he’s always felt like family to you. sometimes you wish he was. and for his end, he looks at you, knowing that the emotions he has will forever go unreciprocated, and yet he can’t stop being dumb by trying anyway. he knows, already, just by looking at the difference in the way you treat sae, in the way you look at him. you’re so smitten, and if eita even stood a chance, you would’ve been together already. and sometimes he wonders if what he said that night was what pushed you over the edge, was what solidified him as nothing more than just a friend with a temper too harsh sometimes that you didn’t want to count on even if you had no one else.
there was a fault he could find in the way you pushed him away. but there’s more that he can find with himself for saying what he said to you. he still counts himself lucky you never held a grudge with him over that.
eita chuckles under his breath; he can’t believe he’s about to say something so corny but he doesn’t know how else to tell you. “i kinda don’t want our friendship to change,” he explains, and he has to look away because if you’re going to run away again, he doesn’t know how he’ll take it. you’re about the only person who knows every single side of him. sides he doesn’t normally show to people. “so… don’t fucking run away again, or treat me differently just ‘cause you know how i feel. that just makes me feel fucking pathetic.”
because he knows you only pushed him away since you couldn’t reciprocate. you weren’t a slut, and you surely didn’t deserve any of your unfortunate circumstances—nothing he said that night was true. you only had good intentions, and the words that came out his mouth were only bad.
even until now, he hadn’t apologised.
yet here you are. smiling in front of him, for him, because of him. despite everything shitty going on in your life, here he is, asking you for a favour. and you’re nodding your head, preserving the friendship that you needed to stay a friendship, just like you’ve always been.
“okay, i promise,” you say, a childish smirk on your face as you hold your pinky out, to which he obliges and hooks his own around.
“you’re so dumb, i wonder what he sees in you,” eita sighs as he yanks his pinky away.
you’re laughing, the earlier bad memory already whisked away by the sunlight hitting  your face. “who?”
“sae.” you freeze on eita’s words, but eita does you a favour and pretends he doesn’t see, doesn’t tease you about it. he wants to know about all of this, even if it’s just from the jealous perspective of being the throwaway option. “he treats you like…”
“like what?” your voice quivers a little, because you’re nervous. you always are when it comes to itoshi sae, somehow. (you won’t admit that right in front of the man himself though, too embarrassing.)
“like he likes you.” eita has to swallow the lump in his throat. it sucks to be talking to you about this, to possibly be talking this guy up, but he knows you need a friend. and he knows you don’t open up easily, so he has to be your best option. eita looks at you out of the corner of his eye, wondering if you’d open up a little bit more.
there’s a faraway gaze in your eyes. “eita?”
“yeah?”
this time, that gaze focuses on him, a warm, sad smile on your face. looks like the pity hasn’t fully worn off, but he’ll excuse it this time.
“thanks,” you say, so softly.
looks like you aren’t really ready to talk about it yet. eita rolls his eyes jokingly; trying to be just a best friend seems pretty hard after all. “stop being a sappy piece of shit,” he groans, earning a giggle from you.
somehow it feels nice, being able to take away some of that pain, even if just for a small moment. though, maybe you’d have an easier time around sae, if you would just learn to open up.
“and hey, if you’re still too scared to tell him about any of it, you can still find me, ‘kay?” he tells you, and you nod appreciatively. you probably just see him as a big brother by now. “and if your mom’s still giving you trouble, come by anytime, i’ve been too busy nowadays to bring anyone home anyway.”
you gasp, acting shocked. “oh really? wow, a changed man.”
“mhm mhm, i just fuck ‘em in the club.”
your playful jab on his arm comes faster than it usually does.
you wonder if you can ever repay eita for everything he’s done for you—be your punching bag, letting you stay at his house rent-free sometimes, accidentally ruin his date night others. you think of how he feels about you and you think probably not. you probably can’t ever repay him for how much sanity he’s given you back when you were at your lowest. so maybe you’ll start by not running away this time.
but your mind drifts to his words. you’re going to have to tell sae some time, but you know how it turned out the last time you told someone with such a high status about it. you remember how shiro turned out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, how his warm demeanour changed when it suited him, how he used everything to lord over you.
you wonder if sae will be the same. you don’t even know if these feelings are fleeting or not. are they even worth it?
is sae going to be worth a try? or is he just going to turn out just like shiro?
yeah, you’ll take your time telling him. you want to get to know him, so it’s hypocrisy from your end, but if he’s a good guy, he wouldn’t mind waiting—that’s what you tell yourself, because like hell do you want him to know about your family as you are now. pathetic, scrimping from paycheck to paycheck, desperately clawing your way up into a normal class. next to him, you’re too inadequate. 
but then, why is your gut telling you otherwise?
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sumi comes bounding in on monday morning, straight to your desk after her morning meeting with the boss. she looks exceptionally happy today, her eyes beaming bright and her smile nearly infectious.
“i swear to god, i think my hard work is paying off!” she exclaims excitedly, careful to keep her voice down even then. she bites on her lower lip, suppressing a grin when she passes you a proposal she’d done up.
on the first page, it’s titled as such: proposal, by suzuki sumi. when you flip to the second page, you’re overwhelmed by a huge close-up picture of one of the top players in soccer right now—isagi yoichi. she giggles when she sees your face contort in surprise, nodding in excitement.
“let’s just say, thanks to a friend of a friend, i managed to talk to isagi at the airport and he personally agreed to do an interview with us,” she proudly explains, answering your unspoken questions. she’s already happily chattering away about her plans for when his interview’s booked—which you learn is still a few weeks away, and may be delayed depending on whether his schedule has any last minute changes.
“that’s lucky,” you comment, passing her proposal back to her. there’s pages and pages of meticulously planned questions and interview segments, along with possible video footage they could do to add onto the company’s youtube account. sumi’s obviously enthusiastic about all of this, more than you’ve ever seen her since you first spoke to her.
it’s nice to see sumi finally happy for once, given how hard she’s been working at this company. she’s the first friendly face you saw when you first came here anyway, and had it not been for her, your work life probably wouldn’t feel as warm as you do now.
“i know, right?” she sighs, content, dreaming about how the interview would go already, about how happy the boss will be with her once their numbers skyrocket. after the lifeline you threw for them by somehow getting to know itoshi sae, it’s been hard for anyone else to keep up. she smirks at you, “remember what i said on your first day here?”
sumi had said a lot of things, actually. most of which were mostly gossip and not actual work, but you can guess what she’s hinting to. “yeah, that it pays to have connections, right?”
you remember those words, only because you’d unintentionally thought back to eita once she’d said them. your attention flits back to sumi, who looks wantonly relieved—she must’ve really been worried for herself then, considering how bad the job market is right now. she never told you, but you could sense she’d been worried about her performance, and whether or not she’d get enough bonus this year to have that dream wedding she’d always cooned over.
“mhm, and you have two indispensable ones yourself,” she points out, winking, taking a sip of her coffee. “otoya eita and itoshi sae, while i’ve just now gotten isagi yoichi.”
she spends the later part of the morning texting you about how she’ll need your help to pull it off, while you juggle work, sumi and apparently sae at the same time, because for some reason, he’s gotten real chatty over the weekend. not that it’s unwelcome—it’s a pleasant surprise.
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right, because when you’re out with sae, who has a heck of a pr team—people who make sure to keep him in line, you’ll have to be careful. you can’t let just anyone see you out and about with him, not when he has a ton of crazed fans who would probably butcher you just for dating rumours. your mind drifts off, wondering how bianca deals with it. though, considering she comes from a long line of famous figures, you guess she’s used to it, having to grow up with all that attention around you.
you look at the clock—it’s around ten minutes till your work day ends. your heart speeds up at the notion of seeing him again, even if it’s only been two days since you’d seen him last. you wonder how you’re going to survive if he has to be away for months at a time for his games if you’re already yearning to see him this much now. shaking the feeling off, you straighten up, retreating to the bathroom to freshen up before you go.
at the same time, parked in the corner lot, sae stares at the caller ID on his phone as it vibrates, surprised. he picks it up, wondering why she’s calling when it’s probably late wherever she is.
“hey, it’s your favourite girl,” bianca’s voice squeals over the line. “guess what?”
“what is it?” sae is, for the most part, not too surprised. bianca has a habit of calling him a lot of the time. more and more frequently nowadays. he wonders why.
“i’m in japan right now,” she reveals, giggling, and sae finds a bad feeling dawning over him. “pick me up? i just got to the airport.”
“sorry, can’t pick you up tonight.”
“what? i thought you’re gonna be in japan for a while.” he can just hear the disappointment in her voice.
“yeah, but i’m busy now, so…” sae trails off, not knowing exactly if he should say anything about you.
“oh, with the guys? you could just skip out on—”
“nah, it’s with someone else,” he settles for, wondering what the sudden silence from the other end of the line means. he’s not sure he wants to find out right now, so he’ll have to talk to bianca some other time. “i gotta go—”
“are you going on a date?” bianca’s tone seems more inquisitive than he’d like, but her question has him thinking.
is this a date?
bianca stays silent as he ponders about it, waiting with bated breath because this is the first time in two years that sae had ever rejected her request, and judging by how he’s struggling, he’s undoubtedly meeting a girl. is it you? she curses under her breath as she pushes her hood over her head, determined not to let anyone see her sweat right now.
“yeah,” sae says, the decision coming to him as soon as he sees your familiar face approaching, that polite little smile on your face. “i’ll talk to you later.”
indignant, bianca exhales sharply, her temper taking over her as she huffs a “don’t bother” into the receiver before hanging up.
sae looks down at his phone, staring at her name on the call log. he makes a mental reminder to check in with her later, but for now, he shoves that thought aside—tonight, he’ll focus on you. just you.
and when you effortlessly command all his attention by slipping into the passenger seat all too naturally, he thinks that whatever ripple effect this may cause may be worth it. for him. and now, it’s his mission to make it worth it for you too.
“so,” you say, all sparkly-eyed as you look at him excitedly. “where are we going tonight?”
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you thank god that you decided to dress up a little more today when you see that he’s taking you to another high-end place. this time, it’s on a rooftop of a five-star hotel, with views overlooking the tokyo skyline; a view you never thought you’d actually see in person.
it’s breezy enough up here that it’s not too stuffy, and there are step lights and string lights all around the venue but they’re dim enough as to not reveal sae’s face too much. (not that anyone hear even bothers to look at anyone else passing by, all too engrossed in their hushed conversations.) you notice he’s always handsome no matter what he wears—and today it’s a black button-down shirt with black pants, a casual dark jacket hanging over his shoulders. your eyes linger over the little bit of his chest that you can see; you can tell he’s muscular under there.
“distracted much?”
sae’s voice startles you, and you can see him smirking a little as if he knows what you’re thinking. your cheeks heat up a little, acting coy. he’s reaching a hand out, probably something you didn’t notice while you were deep in your thoughts, and you take it, letting him lead you slowly to your seats.
as you take a seat and the waiter hands you the menus, your eyes flick up, looking at the man across from you. he reads the menu silently, and you notice the sliver of black ink that extends across his palm. it takes all you can to suppress a grin.
“i can always give you another one anytime, you know?”
for some reason that you probably know, sae catches on to what you’re talking about pretty quickly, the dim lighting failing to conceal the way his ears turn red. “so you like giving me hearts?”
you don’t miss the slight teasing in his voice, having to conceal your own nervousness. “i think you’re the one who likes receiving them,” you quip, hiding your face behind the menu.
there’s a rustling noise, rousing your curiosity and making you put the menu down. sae doesn’t respond to your earlier comment but he does give you a tiny smile, putting a two-pack of macarons on your side of the table. he must’ve taken it out of his pocket while you weren’t looking.
“what’s this?”
“macarons,” he shrugs, though you’re not really asking that. he picks up on it. “i was in paris for some event over the weekend. thought you’d wanna try that.”
(sae looks at your reaction as you pick the small bag of mini macarons up, eyes staring at it in awe. he thinks maybe you recognise the name on the plastic—it’s the name of the most popular bakery in paris. it costs a lot more than he thinks macarons should, but when he sees the subtle smile on your face, it’s definitely worth the price tag.)
you’re not so big on surprises, especially when your mother loves giving you some on the daily, but this is the kind of surprise you like. the kind that makes that incessant vibrating in your purse worth it. the kind that trumps your want to be in control.
and even throughout dinner, sae keeps surprising you. maybe it’s just that you’ve never experienced much, or that you never expected much from him, but every little thing he does seems meaningful to you. the way he makes sure to ask if you don’t like to eat certain food before ordering, the way he drapes his jacket over you when the wind picks up, even the way he slowly leans across the table to clean the stray crumb off your face with his finger.
every gesture seems to tell you something—something that you don’t dare to think of because you’re scared that it’s not true, that you’re the only one starting to fall.
“you know, if you’re constantly like this around girls, no wonder there’s always dating rumours with you,” you huff, too afraid to ask him directly.
but sae always manages to decipher your intentions somehow. he tilts his head, earnesty dripping from his words, “whatever ‘this’ means, i’m only like that with you.”
it doesn’t do your heart any favours, making it pound a million miles an hour because whatever sae’s confessing to here wasn’t on your bingo card for the day.
“itoshi sae, you’re too much.”
“sae.”
“huh?” you look up at his face, only to see him averting his gaze as he turns to look at the skyline, the wind rippling through his soft pink locks.
“call me just by my name.”
you swallow the lump in your throat, gaze dropping to the table. it’s not like you purposely didn’t, but the fact that he’s asking you like this, like he’s being needy about it, heightens your emotions so much more.
his fingers find their way across the table again, this time to your chin, tipping it up, urging you to look at him. “say it.” it’s not commanding, or mean, or forceful, and his fingers are gentle, even his gaze and his intentions.
“sae.” his name rolls of your tongue slowly, and the way he smiles at you after that makes you feel inexplicable, knowing that you’re the reason he looks like that.
he doesn’t even say anything about it, just a smile in acknowledgement before he says he’ll go and pay the bill. you stare at his back as he goes, the contrast in your lives very apparent at every instance he takes you out—because it’s always fancy and expensive with him, a world you know nothing of, a world you once thought you’d never experience in this lifetime.
yet here you are, experiencing it thanks to him. you wonder if you’ll still get to once he knows about your family. he’s sort of a celebrity, right? there must be things he cares about that won’t line up well with your situation.
yeah, you don’t think you’ll ever get that out of your head. not until you ask him about it.
and you’re tempted to—especially with the vibration you’re constantly feeling tonight. taking the opportunity while sae’s away, you fish your phone out of your purse, picking the call up reluctantly, only because you’re mildly curious what else your dear mother could possibly want from you.
“you ungrateful little whore—”
“what do you want?”
yeah, you know you shouldn’t have picked it up. you really shouldn’t. and you don’t even know why you were even mildly worried that it might be your mother in danger and needing your help when she clearly wouldn’t do the same for you.
you hate yourself the most out of everyone. you knew clearly you shouldn’t have picked it up. and now your mother’s on the other line, cussing you out for ignoring her all night. then going on about some cruise she’s going on next week and how she found a secret stash of cash that you’re keeping in the kitchen cupboards, how you’re going to get it from her for hiding it and how kind it is of her to even warn you in the first place.
it’s fine.
you kept it there to distract her from your real money, safe in the bank. if she thinks she’s stealing all you have, it probably won’t cross her mind that you still have any. she doesn’t even know you’d worked multiple jobs back in university, only thought you were good for hooking up with men and purposefully disrespecting her.
a hand around your shoulder makes you jump back in shock, your eyes greeted with sae’s own.
“everything okay?”
“y-yeah, it was just a scam caller,” you lie, immediately hanging up and stuffing it back in your pocket.
as you clamour on about how both of you should really get going, sae catches the way your fingers tremble ever so slightly, how your lips threaten to downturn—are you about to cry?
but when you turn around and force a grin, joking about how you’re going to pull a dine and dash on him, he knows you won’t. whatever’s bothering you—you’re locking him out of it. he doesn’t like it, but can he even complain?
and when the both of you are back in the car, the night feels strangely short somehow, and sae reluctantly pulls out his gps. “what’s your postal code again? i’ll drive you back.”
there’s a short pause before you offer him the string of numbers, and sae’s brows furrow when he keys it in. “you’re heading to otoya’s?” he asks. he knows you two are close, and have been, but this sinking feeling in his heart is not something he’s familiar with.
you bite on your lower lip. you don’t want him to have any false assumptions, but you’re not exactly ready to tell him the truth either—that you’re just running from your problems, that eita’s house is the only other space you have.
“are you… still involved with him?” sae asks, voice soft, looking away like he did earlier.
it reminds you of that night you got drunk. you remember how you needed to know. so you figure maybe you owe him the same. “i’m not involved with anyone,” you tell him, smirking. but he looks at you like he’s waiting for more and you remember too, what you want to hide from him for now. “i just—i don’t have—”
“hey, you don’t have to say anything,” sae cuts in, the slight quiver in your voice enough indication that this isn’t something you’re prepared to say. he’s known that for a while now. “you just can’t go home, right?”
you’re more than a little grateful that he is the way he is, that he doesn’t force anything out of you like shiro used to. “yeah,” you admit, awkwardly looking away. “i usually just stay at eita’s until… i’m ready to go back.”
there’s an awkward silence that stretches on for a while before sae concedes to it. “you could stay at mine.”
did you hear that right?
you furrow your brows. “what?”
sae’s mouth hangs open for a while, like he’s trying to figure out what to say. “i could drive you to otoya’s if you prefer that. but… if you wanna stay at mine, that’s fine too. i have a couple extra rooms, you could just pick one.”
what you actually wanted to hear was why he’s willing to do that for you when he hasn’t even known you long, but you hold your tongue. there are doubts in your head—like privacy issues since he’s a celebrity, and rumours if you ever get caught entering or exiting his house, and what exactly does he see you as?
but there’s the selfishness part of you that wants to go for it. and you listen to her.
“then, can i stay over? just one night so i won’t intrude too much,” you assure him, being polite because you’re scared you’re overstepping your boundaries. or that he’ll think you’re a creep even though he’s the one that invited you.
sae can’t help but snicker, and you can’t help but stare as he rests his head against the steering wheel, staring at you. “are you interested in me, y/n?”
you pout, because he’s hit the nail on the head, the embarrassment flying to your head. “okay you know what? if you’re gonna joke about it just take me to eita’s—”
this time sae bursts out laughing, and you feel even more mesmerised; it’s unfair how easy it is for him to do that.
“okay okay, i won’t say that anymore,” he appeases you, hand coming up to ruffle your head. “and feel free to stay as long as you want.”
“i’m gonna steal your jacket, by the way, since you like to joke around so much,” you huff, though sae only chuckles at whatever you say now.
“sure, take whatever you want.”
“and you’re buying my necessities.”
“for when you’re at mine? sure.”
“sae, one day i’m gonna kill you.” because he’s still laughing, obviously getting a kick out of your earlier embarrassment. 
“you can’t do that.”
“and why not?”
and sae’s face immediately leans forward, just inches away from you. he’s so close you can feel his hot breath against your cheeks and it makes your heart do somersaults in your chest.
“then i won’t be able to give you that kiss you asked for.”
your breath catches in your throat, sae coming closer ever so slightly, his gaze falling to your lips for a split second before he shatters your hopes by pulling away, setting the gps to the nearest convenience store. but he doesn’t drive off just yet.
not before he makes sure to look at you one last time, that dazed look on your face, his thumb and pointer finger coming up to pinch your cheek gently, leaving an imprint of himself in your heart.
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“come on, we’re here.”
after a half hour of poking around the convenience store and getting whatever you need (you also had to stealthily creep some disposable underwear in your basket and make sure sae didn’t see them when paying), you arrive at sae’s apartment—nestled in one of tokyo’s most luxurious neighbourhoods. a far cry from your own.
he carries your bags for you, leading you to his unit, straight at the top, on the thirty-second floor. his is the corner unit, and he gestures for you to walk in front of him.
“1-0-0-9,” he tells you, both hands full.
“huh?”
“the combination, it’s 1—”
“no, i heard you,” you interject, a little exasperated. “but you shouldn’t just hand the passcode out to anyone.”
“i don’t,” he assures you, saying it matter-of-factly. “i trust you.”
you hurry to key in the code, so easily flustered by the way he seems so willing to tell you anything. “then don’t blame me if one day you come back home to find the place ransacked,” you jokingly warn him.
sae conveniently ignores that comment, placing your items in one of the spare rooms nearest to the living room. as you walk in, you marvel at how spacious and clean his apartment is. it’s all cold marble floors and high ceilings, and you can already tell it must be so nice in the day with all the natural lighting flooding in here. the wide windows must let all the sunlight in, must be much brighter during the day than yours is.
you follow him as he tells you where everything is; the spare room right next to the living room, the toilet across from it, the kitchen right next to the balcony exit, accessible from your own room. his apartment is so huge it makes you wonder if he ever feels lonely in it.
in the living room, you see multiple pictures in frames, most of which you assume are probably his family. you recognise rin, present in most of the pictures. they look happy, at least. there’s also one with eita and the others, and some others you don’t recognise. none of bianca or any other girls, you note.
“all good?” he asks once he’s done with the mini tour.
you nod apprehensively, still tense about the fact that you’re staying the night at his place. “yeah, i’m just gonna wash up first.” you don’t even let him say anything before you’re bounding off into the spare room he gave to you, trying to calm yourself down because it never hit you until now that you’re really here, in sae’s place, ready to make yourself at home when you’re not even anything to him. though, you really hope that there’s something.
“calm down, y/n, just gotta take a shower and you’re good as new,” you whisper to yourself, calming yourself and taking deep breaths.
outside, sae’s gaze lingers on the door to your room, your shadow visible from the bottom gap of the door as you move about. he can’t even come up with a good enough reason to tell himself why he bothered to let you stay here, except maybe that he selfishly didn’t want you to stay with otoya.
is that bad?
before he can ponder anymore about it, the door to your room opens and you sheepishly walk out, a grin on your face as you approach him. “so… i forgot something.”
and now you’re going to ask him for it.
“what is it?”
“i swear i didn’t forget on purpose, okay?” you’re pouting, and he finds it mildly adorable. “could i borrow some clothes?”
sae nearly bursts out laughing just from how nervous you seem. though, from how you’ve been every time you saw him, from his hat to his jacket and now you’re asking for his clothes, he can see why you’re a little nervous.
“do you always forget around otoya too?” he means that redundantly more than anything, just a passing comment, but you answer anyway.
“well, i always just wear his jerseys.”
you really were just answering honestly, but the way sae grips your wrist and guides you to his closet is almost comical. you allow yourself to think that he’s doing this out of jealousy, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering as you follow him.
“you have a walk-in closet?” you gape, looking at the sheer size of it. it’s nearly as big as your entire room.
“take whatever you want, my jerseys are in there,” sae says, pointing you to the sliding door closest to you.
that’s how you end up coming out of the showers a half hour later, dressed in his national jersey, his name in block letters at the back. you’d take a picture just to savour it, but you’d like to think that hopefully this isn’t the last time you’ll get to wear it.
when you come out, sae’s already washed up, probably has his own bathroom in that big bedroom of his. his hair’s wet, dripping onto his thin white t-shirt, eyes finding your gaze as you walk towards him and bow deeply. you’re a comfortable distance away from your mother, phone switched off and discarded into one of the drawers in the guest room, only because sae was kind enough to let you stay. for multiple nights even, if you want to.
“thank you,” you tell him, and it’s for more than just tonight, more than just dinner and a shirt and a bed to sleep in. somehow, ever since you’d met him, he’s been there for you constantly, even if he doesn’t mean to be. it still counts for something, you think, because you can’t even remember the last time you felt like a giggly high school girl having a normal crush even if it’s on a not-so-normal person.
“not gonna ink it on my skin now?” sae teases when you straighten back up, and you roll your eyes.
“don’t blame me if you wake up with a dick drawn on your face.”
“is that what you want?” sae asks you, and you get the feeling he’s not even invested in your quip, his mind elsewhere.
sae’s face is right in front of yours, like so many times before now, it feels like. it makes you think you’re not that delusional, that he could feel just the same as you do—excited, tired, confused.
“i already told you what i want,” you whisper, and you would probably kill yourself if you were thinking clearly for being so open and vulnerable in front of him right now, but then it doesn’t matter.
none of it matters when his lips are on your lips and you can taste the mint lingering on his tongue, when you can feel the way his hands find purchase on your hips, pulling you closer, but gently, like he’s trying not to seem too eager but so close to failing. his hair tickles your face, the way he keeps coming back for more leaves you breathless.
your arm comes up behind his neck, keeping him close. his kiss makes your mind hazier than any alcohol can, his grip falling to the back of your thighs, your lips still connected as he lifts you up onto the counter of the kitchen, his body nestled comfortably between your thighs as he knocks the air out of your lungs.
it’s as if he’s telling you you’re not crazy, that you’re not imagining anything, because he’s here with you right now, out of anyone’s watchful eyes and he’s kissing the fuck out of you simply because he wants to. no dares, no alcohol—just itoshi sae and his crumbling resolve to hide his yearning.
by the time he pulls back, both of you are trying to catch your breaths, foreheads leaning against one another and it leaves you wondering whether it’s as you think or if he’s just entertaining your wishes.
“you know something?” he speaks, voice hoarse as his teal eyes look at you from behind those beautiful lashes of his. you swallow the lump in your throat, forcing a what? out even if it’s barely audible at best. “i’ve been wanting to do that too.”
you must’ve been wrong. you’re not the one that’s a lot to handle. he is.
“why is it that you always somehow know what i’m thinking?” you wonder out loud, an arm around his shoulder for support. you’re both still as close, still as mesmerised by the other.
sae doesn’t really know what you mean by that, so he shrugs. “maybe i’m just made for you,” he comments offhandedly, and you find it hard not to shrink from the nervousness. by now, he should already be able to tell you have a crush on him. your only saving grace is that he probably feels the same. otherwise, you have no doubt he’d probably go out of his way to avoid you.
“you have quite the tongue on you, you know that?”
sae chuckles softly, a smirk lining his lips as he continues staring at you, admiring every single inch of your face. “you would know.”
completely flustered, you gently push him away, hopping off the counter and skipping towards the guest room, offering sae one last thing to think about before you shut the door on him—“maybe next time you’ll know about me too.”
and once your door is shut, sae exhales shakily, the thought of your words and their insinuation consuming him for the entire night.
you really are a lot to handle.
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extras !
that heart reaction from sae was absolutely an accident. he meant to go for the thumbs up.
after that kiss, sae had to help himself. he wasn't planning on going any further, but you turned him on a lot more than he thought was possible.
despite his feelings, eita still thinks he isn't ready to commit to just one person.
your feelings towards your mother are complicated—you know she isn't loving at all now, and yet you still hope for that small chance that she might revert back to the mother who once promised to love you more than anything else. it's something that eita was always against because he knew how much it hurt you. it's part of why you don't like to speak to eita about it and hear all of those things.
bianca got drunk to forget after sae rejected her request; when she drunk dialled him, he was too busy giving you a tour of his house.
sae has never invited bianca over to his house even once. he also has never lent her any of his jerseys (as she mentioned in the start of the chapter).
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taglist! @yuzurins @saeskiss @raphsimp @lust4rin @mxplesyrvp @chieeeeeee @yumekolovesyukimiya @kunirayuna39 @auranny @sereniteav @gskill @saesgrl @riseena @rikijbol @sagejin @shironagi @veecynii
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Fall For Me (Poly! Sleep Token x Fem! Reader) - Part VI
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Why hello there! I am finally back with an Eepy Boi update!! Sorry it took me so long to get around to posting this, between the holidays and my work schedule being all over the place and a heap of other junk it took me a bit, lol. We're taking a little jump back? Forward? In time this chapter, the Fall Festival is finally upon us... Maybe a little bit of tension starts to occur? This is going to be a very fun chapter hehe. Thank all of you so so much for your continued support during my hiatus, I see every single note, reblog, and kudos on this fic, I read every single comment I get, all of you are absolutely wonderful, again, thank you. If you would like to be added to my tag list for this fic, please let me know! If you ever want to come be crazy over the Sleep Token boys with me, shoot me an ask or a message! Now onto the good stuff, I hope you enjoy!
WARNINGS: None, fluff, not proofread
My Masterlist! ~ A03 Link!
Part V - Part VI
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“Absolutely not.” Vessel responds blankly as he flips through one of the magazines by the register.
“Ves, come on.” You groan. “It's one night.”
“Yeah, one night with a whole group of people that want to run us out of town.” He retaliates in the same bored tone as he turns another page.
“Everyone's going to be wearing costumes, no one will know it's you.” You offer as you start bagging his purchase.
“They've seen pictures of us, love.”
“What? Those blurry, grainy sasquatch looking photos from the paper?” You sigh, handing him the bags. “Listen, I know you're worried. I know you just want to keep everyone safe, but you hiding yourselves away is only going to make people more suspicious.” You could feel his eyes studying your face.
“I get the slightest feeling that something is wrong we leave, do we have a deal?” He sticks out his hand to you, you clap your own into his without hesitation, giving it a firm shake. “I agree that people might be more comfortable with us being in town if we can exist in the same space without an issue… I just hope you're right about this.” 
“I'll be right by your side the whole time.” You exchange a soft smile.
“Are you closing early that day?” He asks.
“Of course, I have to get into costume myself.” You giggle. “I'll be closing at noon that day, but I can always reopen if you guys want to stock up afterwards.” You offer.
“It’s not that, I wouldn't want to trouble you.” He chuckles. “I was thinking maybe we could meet here before the festival.” 
“I'd like that.” 
“Then it's a date.” He bows his head slightly in dismissal before pushing out the door.
The next day the store was abuzz with excited children picking out glow sticks, mother's buying ingredients for their bake sale items, and last minute costume necessities for all the town's residents. “Miss (Y/N)!” You can't help but smile as a young boy with messy brown hair and a gapped tooth smile rushes up to the counter.
“Daclan, she's busy-” his mother starts, a bubbly school teacher you had gotten to know quite well since she had moved to town.
“Don't worry about it, Siobhan.” You chuckle, pulling the bucket of candy out from behind the counter and discreetly offering it to him. You lean down slightly, “if you don't tell the other kids I'll let you take two.” You whisper with a wink. He shoves his hand into the bucket before quickly and triumphantly retrieving his candy.
“Miss (Y/N), are you coming to the Fall festival?” He asks excitedly.
“Of course I am, I wouldn't miss it for the world.” You smile. “What's your costume going to be this year?” He starts rambling on about his skeleton costume as you ring the two of them up.
“Woah! Mom, look at him!” Your attention flashes over to the door to see Vessel frozen in place as every pair of eyes in the store land on him. As quickly as he caught their attention it was gone, the bustling energy returning once more as everyone continued their shopping. You motion him closer with a wave of your hand. Declan stared up at the large masked man in amazement. “What are you supposed to be?”
Vessel gives you the briefest of looks, not exactly sure how to respond at first. But, seeing the boy's bright smile and lack of fear, it warmed his heart. He leans down, resting his elbows on the counter to bring himself closer to eye level. “The Grim Reaper, pretty scary, right?” He says with a grin.
“Awesome!” Declan exclaims in response. “Mom, can we make a costume like his next year?” Vessel chuckles at the young boy’s excitement.
“Sure thing, honey.” She ruffles Declan’s hair. “Come on, let’s let Miss (Y/N) close up so she can get ready.” You exchange goodbye’s with her, Declan telling you that he hopes you get to see his costume before hurrying out the door.
“So far so good.” You remark as you lean against the counter, you and Vessel shifting to more easily face each other. “I promise tonight will be fun.” You reach out, grabbing his shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
“Well, if you talk so highly about this festival, I can't see any harm in giving it a shot.” You wait for your last few customers to file out of the store before locking up.
“Where's everyone else?” You ask, looking out in the empty lot for their truck.
“They're in back, I hope you don't mind.”
“Not at all.” You click off your open sign with a smile, motioning with a nod for Vessel to follow you out the front door. Your keys jingled in your hand as you struggled with the lock. “You'd think after all this time I wouldn't mess this up.” You sigh. The front door had a tendency to not shut fully unless things were maneuvered a certain way; the keys had to be slid into the lock a certain way, you had to push the door fully shut with your shoulder, you felt your cheeks start to burn as you struggled with something so simple in Vessel’s presence.
“Mind if I give it a try?” He offers quietly. You shuffle out of his way, the heat of his body noticeable against yours as he slid a little too close behind you. He jiggles the key slightly, slamming his shoulder into the glass pane’s metal frame, managing to slide the deadbolt into place. He pulls on the handle a couple times, making sure it's fully secure, before turning to you with a proud smile. “There, that should do it. He follows you out back, the other three members of the usual group lounging in the cab of the truck. IV was the first to notice you, perking up in his seat when his eyes landed on your approaching form. He nudges II, who looks up immediately from the book he was reading at the mention of your name.
“Where's your costume?” III asks in mock annoyance. He hops down from his place situated in the bed of the truck, his long strides allowing him to approach you quickly and pull you into his arms. He pulls back slightly, his blue eyes finding yours and making you freeze under their warm gaze. “Promise me I'll get you to myself for at least a little while tonight.” You could hear the smile he was wearing under his mask lace it's way through his words. Before you had a chance to respond the passenger door of the truck was kicked open, IV practically falling to the ground as he scrambled out. Your eyes darted up to three, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he gazed down at you. He gives you a quick wink before he steps back, satisfied with your flustered state. 
IV bounds up to you, excitedly taking your hands in his. “I can't wait to see your costume.” You jump slightly as a warm hand if placed against your lower back, you caught the sight of II in your peripheral.
“Well we have to let her go get changed into it first.” He chuckles. “It's good to see you, love.”
“Come on guys.” You chuckle, motioning for the four of them to follow you. “You can hang out upstairs while I get ready.”
It always made your heart swell every time they were all together in one place. The warm, me jovial energy that filled your apartment had you practically skipping to your room to get changed. You could hear the four of them continue to talk in the living room, just quiet enough to make it so you couldn't hear. You opened your closet, pulling out the neatly packaged bag that contained your costume. You shimmied into the tight dress, the stretchy fabric hugging all of your curves just right. Was this the most original costume in the world? Absolutely not. But, considering you were hoping to catch the attention of some masked men in particular this evening, you figured it wouldn't hurt to be a little cliche. You did your makeup as quickly as you could, a dark smokey eye that was finished off by you drawing a little black nose at the tip of your own with eyeliner. You grabbed the headband from your vanity, adjusting it perfectly atop your head before giving yourself one final once over in the mirror and heading back out to your waiting guests. The room fell silent the second you stepped through your door, four pairs of eyes locked on your small form. All of the sudden attention made you feel self conscious about your costume choice, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. You wrapped your arms around your torso, your cheeks warming as you looked between the four. “Does it look ba-”
You didn't have a chance to finish your question before they were all scrambling out of their various seats towards you. All of them reassuring you that you looked fantastic and apologizing for staring. Your small group prepared to head out, III hung back to wait for you, his monstrous form taking up most of the doorway. You smile up at him as you straighten up from pulling on your shoes. “You look beautiful.” He compliments you softly, making your cheeks warm.
“Thank you.” He slips his hands into yours, his lips warm through his mask as he places a soft kiss to your knuckles.
“Ready to get going?” You nod, letting your hand reluctantly fall from his.
You piled into their truck, you were currently squished in between Vessel and II, III and IV curled up in the bed. “So, you're all excited about this festival, what are we even going to be doing?” Vessel asks suddenly, breaking the silence in the truck.
“Well,” you start, “there's going to be a lot of food, hay rides, a costume contest, lots of vendors from around the town, a few rides, a haunted house. It's nothing spectacular, but I’m hoping it will make you guys feel more at home here.” You noticed him and II exchange a look over your head. It wasn't long before you pulled into the bumpy dirt parking lot of the fair grounds. III vaulted out of the truck, his heavy boots landing on the ground with a loud thud. You notice II shove him back slightly as he holds out his hand to help you out of the truck. He gives your hand a soft squeeze before dropping it, you were quickly surrounded by the four men, all of you chatting happily as you made your way up to the festival. The four froze, taking in the chaotic sight before then. IV reached out, slipping his hand into yours.
“There's a lot of people, huh?” He asks, startling back slightly as a child rushes past his legs.
“The whole town’s probably going to show up.” You explain. You lean on closer to him, “you alright big guy? We can always turn around and go back to my place if this is too much.” You squeeze his hand reassuringly.
“I think I can handle it if you're by my side.” You noticed his features soften as he smiles under his mask. Your cheeks warm, your eyes darting to the ground in an attempt to try and hide your flustered expression.
“Where should we start?” III slips an arm around your shoulder, you instinctually lean into his side.
“You're the expert, love, lead the way.” Vessel shoots you a sharp grin. The group stayed close to your side, forming a buffer between you and the rest of the crowd. You wandered from booth to booth, letting the boy's childlike wonder take over as they excitedly showed you small trinkets and hand made gifts they stumbled across. The booth of old ladies selling goat milk soap cooed over how adorable all your costumes were, slipping sweets into all your hands as you made your way out. You paused in front of a vendor selling handmade jewelry, you jumped slightly as a hand came to rest on your waist.
“That would look very pretty on you.” II’s gentle voice meets your ears.
“You think so?” You ask through a flustered giggle. II asked to see the necklace in question, the beautifully wire wrapped crystal sparkling in the gradually setting sun. “It is really pretty.”
“How much?” He asks without hesitation. The young woman running the stand told him the price, to which II shocked you by immediately purchasing the necklace. He steps behind you, your hand raising to the unfamiliar weight as it falls around your neck. “A beautiful necklace for the most beautiful woman in the world.” His warm breath bounces off your cheek as he speaks, sending a shiver down your spine. You glance over your shoulder, your eyes immediately finding his bright blue ones.
“You know you didn't have to buy me anything.” You see the corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles.
“What if I wanted to?” You didn't miss the teasing tone that had laced its way into his words. You traced a finger along the cool metal wire, fully turning yourself to face him. You glance up at him through your lashes, struggling to find the right words to say to thank him. You pushed yourself up onto your toes, quickly pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“Well, I think that’s very sweet. Thank you, II.” You perk up at the sound of one of the others calling your name, III appearing at your side and slipping his hand into yours.
“Mind if I steal her from you?” He quickly asks II.
“Not at all.” He holds up his hands with a soft chuckle. “I'm sure I'll manage to snag her back later.” He winks at you, making your cheeks grow warm.
“What a shame,” III leans down to murmur quietly in your ear, “looks like I'm going to have to beat them off with a stick to get you to myself.”
“Careful, you're all going to make me think you have a crush on me or something.” You tease in response, shooting him a playful smile of your own.
“Only a pretty little thing like you could handle something like that.” He winks. “I want to make sure you eat before IV gets over excited and drags you off to the rides.” He jokes with a smile. He tucks you safely into his side, helping you avoid the bustling crowd that surrounded you.
“Are you having a good time?” You ask him softly. He glances down at you, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiles.
“Yeah, I’m spending time with you, of course I’m having a good time.” You let out a bashful giggle, quickly turning away as you feel your cheeks grow warm. 
As the evening carried on you couldn't help but notice II grow more fidgety with every passing hour, occasionally leaning into Vessel to whisper something only for the taller man to clap him on the shoulder and give him a reassuring grin. You were currently sat in a circle on the ground, finding a nice place in the open field to settle down and have some good together. You laughed as IV expertly stole a bite of your corn dog faster than you could comprehend what had happened. “What's your favorite ride?” II suddenly chimes in from his position sitting across from you.
“I'm personally a big fan of the haunted house, I think all the cheap jump scares are fun.” You respond with a laugh.
IV makes an intrigued noise. “We should all go on!”
“Only two people can ride together, unfortunately.”
“Well, how about you ride with me then?” II winks at you, making you blush.
“If you think you can handle it.” You tease in response. II stands, offering you his hand which you eagerly accept. He hoists you from the ground, pulling you into his side and slinging his arm across your shoulders. Vessel tagged along with IV, knowing it would be the only way to stop him from complaining about how he wanted to go too, III elected to stay back to save your spot. You all chatted happily as you stood in line, the slow creeping pace allowing them to see a little of what the ride had in store for them.
Brown metal buggies horribly painted to look like wood creaked along the track, bat shaped hood ornaments were barely recognizable after years of dings and chipped paint.A repeating track of over dramatic screams and ghoulish moaning looped from the speakers. “Next in line, please!” The ticket collector barked, IV and Vessel stepped up first, IV practically vibrating with excitement as he waited for the all clear to get on. II’s arm slid around your waist as you stepped forward, waiting patiently for the next cart to wheel itself into place. “Y’all have fun.” He waves you on. II helps you step into the cart, your body thudding against the thin, leather covered padding on the seat.
“You’re not going to get all scared on me now, are you?” You ask in a playful tone.
“Oh, don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll be right here to protect you.” He returns with a smirk. Your body lurched slightly as the buggy started to move. You were hit with a blast of cold air as you crept into the dark space, II’s arm wrapping around your shoulders, you found yourself instinctually snuggling into his side. You jumped slightly, giggling over being startled by the second air cannon you had rolled past.
You rolled past a growling werewolf, “Look, you can see the wires.” You nudge him slightly, pointing upwards.
“I personally think it adds to the experience.” He chuckles, you can’t help but laugh yourself. “You’re so beautiful.” You feel your breath freeze in your lungs at his compliment. You clung to him as something shot out of the darkness at you, it took you a moment to recognize the plastic skeleton’s limbs rattling at you. Your eyes are drawn back to him as you feel a warm hand slip over your cheek. “And you thought I was going to be the one getting scared.” He chuckles, his eyes flashing briefly to your lips. “Cute.” He fidgets with the edge of his mask for a moment, stretching the black fabric away from his neck. “Can- can I, um…” He swallows thickly, his confidence immediately crumbling as you continue to cling to him for comfort. “Can I kiss you?” You nodded, your wide eyes glimmering in the dim light. Without hesitation II lifts his mask, his lips slotting perfectly against your own. Your hand slides over his chest, you could feel his heart pounding under your palm. As quickly as the kiss had started it was over, II’s mask already neatly back in place by the time your eyes fluttered open. You hide your face against his neck, hoping he hadn’t noticed your flustered appearance. “That was nice.” He suddenly chimes in, making you giggle. You both reluctantly shuffle away from each other as the exit opens in front of you, squinting under the bright lights. II offers you his hand to help you from the cart, your eyes meeting his as he smiles. Your pinky wraps around his as he lets his hand slip out of your grasp. You hear him laugh softly at your actions, allowing your fingers to stay linked.
“That wasn’t even scary.” IV groans as you approach.
“I never said it was scary, I just said I liked it.” You respond. Vessel smiles down at you.
“How was riding with II?” He asks with a chuckle. Your cheeks immediately warm at the question.
“We had fun.” You get out through a nervous giggle. 
“Well, look who’s back.” You can’t help but smile at III’s cheerful tone. He hoists himself up from his position on the ground with a soft groan. “How was it beautiful?” Your eyes trailed after the people that were starting to gather in the open field.
“It was fun.” You felt a pang of guilt in your chest as you thought about kissing II. “See anything interesting while we were gone?”
“There’s a pretty good band playing over there.” He nods somewhere behind you. “Want to go check it out?”
“Sure.” You can’t help but smile as you feel the warmth of III’s hand brush against yours. The two of you lazily strolled in the direction of the music that floated through the air. A local folk group was currently performing under a gazebo, a small dance floor set up in front of the stage. You laughed as III took your hand and spun you around in time with the music, pulling you to him and swaying you in his arms.
“Do you know how to dance?” He asks with a grin.
“Not very well,” you giggle in response, “but I feel like with you that won’t matter too much.” You found yourself easily falling into a rhythm with him, every small misstep and teasing comment from him made you both crumble into fits of laughter. You both paused, looking up at the sky with the rest of the crowd as fireworks started going off overhead. III continues to hold you close, your arms sliding over his shoulders as the two of you watch the display. He fully encircles your waist with one arm, his hand sliding over your cheek, turning your face in order for his warm lips to find yours. Unlike the kiss with II, III took his time letting the sensation of kissing you sink in. You felt so small in his arms, the gentle dominance he had over the kiss allowing your body to fully relax into his embrace as your eyes fluttered shut. He traces a thumb along your jaw before hesitantly pulling away.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” He rushes to apologize, his body relaxing at the sight of the soft smile that had laced its way across your lips. Your eyes meet his, bright blue irises scanned your features with an adoration you had never seen. “I really like you.”
“III-”
“There you guys are!” He jolts back from you, the sudden lack of warmth making you shiver. “We’ve been looking all over the place for you!” It was IV, he jogged up to you. “Vessel wants to get going.”
You found yourself in the cab of the truck between Vessel and IV, II and III electing to sit in the bed for the ride back to your place. Your mind raced as you played over both men kissing you over and over again in your head. You didn’t know what to do. On one hand there was II, his silent charm and the undeniable intimacy the two of you have has drawn you in from the beginning. But then there was III, who made your heart race and dominated every aspect of your senses whenever you were with him. Who, despite his monstrous size, was always so gentle with you. You were absolutely torn. You rumbled into the store’s parking lot, Vessel parking the truck around back. You stood at the bottom of your stairs in a small circle. “Well, I hate to admit it, but that was pretty fun.” Vessel grins at you, there were murmurs of agreement amongst the group.
“Do you guys want to come up for a bit? There’s, um, there’s kind of something I need to talk to you about.” You fidget with your hands as you nervously put the statement out there. You were going to deal with feeling conflicted the only way you knew how, by facing the problem head on.
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luvverslair · 2 months
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Hi!
So, tumblr did a thing! I saw your post that said your requests are open, and the very next post on my dash was a list of prompts and one really stood out to me!
"Instead of fake dating, everyone is convinced that you aren’t actually dating."
May I request that with Soap/Ghost/Gaz (tho let's be real, it's perfectly believable that Gaz can pull anyone!)
Thank you! 😊
hi !! thank you for your request, i love this idea so much and i hope you enjoy!!
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Ghost: When you and Ghost first started dating, you kept it to yourselves wanting to savor your relationship just for the two of you. However after a while, Ghost decided to tell his teammates about you, He started by talking about you to them saying things like “Yeah the missus dragged me out to this restaurant the other day.” and things like that, his fellow teammates would look at him like he was crazy, but would still indulge his conversation thinking he might just be lonely or trying to prove he can have a relationship. Ghost then started sharing pictures of you, whether it be pictures he took of you on dates or just funny ones around the house. This made the team even more confused about the whole situation as they like to call it, they wondered how he found so many pictures of someone online and why was he showing them off like you were actually with him, had he finally gone mad? One day Soap finally spoke up when he was again showing off pictures you had sent him while he was deployed, “L.T, we all know you’re not dating them. Who is that?” before Ghost had time to respond Gaz chimed in saying “Yeah Ghost, you started to freak us out.”Ghost let out a low chuckle before saying “I promise you they are actually with me, I’ll be the first to admit it’s shocking they out of all people chose me but they did.” Soap and Gaz brushed him off still not believing a word he said, that was until one day you came to the base because Ghost had left something he needed at your shared home. You walked into the room seeing Soap and Gaz shooting them a smile before saying “Hi, Have you guys seen Simon anywhere? Or I guess Ghost to you sorry.” They both stood there eyes wide and mouths agape, they pointed you in the direction of Ghost to which you thanked them and went to go find him, from that day forward they never said anything when Ghost would share things about you.
Soap: From the moment you both started dating, Soap immediately started telling everyone he knew about you, he loved showing you off. The only problem was you were gorgeous and seemed like a well-rounded person which didn’t seem like anyone Soap could pull, So when he started telling his teammates about you, they congratulated him and didn’t mind having conversations about you, and then he started showing pictures of you. That’s when the suspension started, nobody would ever believe someone like you would be with someone like him. One day Gaz had enough of listening to him ramble on about some random person that Soap claimed he was in a “relationship” with, “Jeez Soap stop rambling about your imaginary partner, everyone knows you lying about it.” Soap was stunned before saying “Imaginary? What in the bloody hell do you mean imaginary I’ve been with them for months for Christ's sake” He looked towards Ghost before adding “C'mon L.T. you don’t think I’m lying do ya?” Soap fully expected Ghost to call Gaz crazy and say Soap one hundred percent wasn’t lying but boy was he wrong “I do think it’s a little suspicious Johnny, from what you’ve shown me and told me, It’s hard to believe” Gaz smirked at Soap while he was in utter shock, “Just wait ya pricks, I’ll let you met them one day and when I do, it’ll shut you up real fucking fast.” Ghost and Gaz snickered while just saying “Whatever you say, Johnny”. About a month later, Johnny had the opportunity to bring you to the pub as your schedule was free. When you walked in heading over to Soap kissing him before sitting down, You introduced yourself to his fellow teammates shaking their hands while saying “Hi, I’m Y/n, I’m Johnny’s Partner nice to meet you all.” They all stood there in shock.
Gaz: Gaz and you had started dating a while back, he never really thought to mention you to his team, until one day Price was asking him about going out to the Pub on the incoming Friday with him and the rest of the squadron, Gaz quickly declined to say “Sorry Cap, I’ve got a date with the Missus that day.” Soap quickly laughed before saying “Yeah right more like you’ve got a date with your right hand, mate.” Everyone around him let out a laugh before Gaz interrupted them “Fuck off, For your information I do have a partner ya twats.” they all kept making fun of him and calling him a liar he sighed walking out of the room shaking his head, oh would he show them. The following week he had brought you to a restaurant for a date, it just so happened that his teammates were dining at the same place. You both walked in sitting down as he pulled out your chair for you, his task force immediately saw the both of you a couple of tables away, they were in utter shock, to say the least. After the both of you had finished your dinner and you were walking out, Gaz felt their eyes on the two of you so as he had his hand around your back he used his other to flip them off as you both left, before walking the both of you to his car, His teammates didn’t expect that, any of that.
well I hoped you enjoyed this !! it was a lot of fun to write and thank you again for your request and as always any feedback is appreciated !!
luv, luvver
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spookysteddie · 4 months
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Love On Tour
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18+ MINORS DNI
cw: mentions of drugs, motions of overdose, bad parents, some hurt. (Let me know if I missed anything)
wc: 1k (sorry shes so short... I've been sick)
...
Dating Eddie Munson was pure bliss. 
The closest to heaven you’ll ever come and you couldn’t be happier. 
The media has been having a field day this past month over Eddie breaking the news during a red carpet interview. You were his date, of course, and he couldn’t keep his hands off of you. When the reporter asked if you two had a title, he just grinned and kissed you right there. The press loved it. 
You parents, however, did not. 
You haven’t spoken to them since the day after that award show. They saw the interview and called you up to scream at you for not listening to them. You sat there and took it, holding back tears and doing all you could to get off the phone with them. You were glad Eddie wasn’t around during that conversation since he doesn’t like when people mock or yell at you.
As for your followers? They eat up any and all content you make with Eddie. The good thing is Eddie really enjoys making content with you. He even let you do his makeup with the biggest smile of his cute face. He also did one of your voice overs for your “spend the day with me” post. 
In private Eddie dotes on you. The second a flower starts to die, he comes home with new ones. He’s on top of texting you through most moments of the day (even though you told him he didn’t have to do that) and he even moved his schedule around once to accompany you to an influencer event. 
He was the most incredible boyfriend ever. 
Now, they’re getting ready to go on a year and a half long tour for their new album. The album you happen to be on the cover of. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t nervous about Eddie going on tour. 
It’s not that you didn’t trust him, not at all. It was the atmosphere that comes with rock and roll tours. Drugs are way easier to access and Eddie has a very hard time saying no. Needless to say you’re scared his band mates are going to call you and let you know he’s overdosed. 
Or worse that he died. 
Now, have you confessed these feelings to Eddie? No, of course not. You two haven’t been together that long and the last thing you need is for him to think you’re suffocating him. In short, you just don’t want to scare him and make him leave you. 
You sit by the stage, watching them practice and watching Eddie and Gareth figure out lighting issues and a set list. It’s nice to see them like this, in their element. They all put so much love and care into everything they do when it comes to their jobs. 
“Hey bunny, I need you for a moment,” Eddie calls, making you look up from the email you’re sending. 
You nod, getting to your feet, “how can I be of service?”
Eddie beckons you up to the stage and you listen, climbing up the steps and standing in front of him with a grin. 
He leaves a small kiss on your forehead. “Okay, I need you to stand right here. I’m going to go around here and see what it looks like from different angles.” 
You nod, taking the microphone so you can speak to him as he moves. “Need me to do anything else?” 
“Yes. I need you to let me know if you think we need to change anything. Okay?” 
You nod again, leaning up to kiss his cheek. He blushes a little before jumping down off the stage. He starts from the floor seats, walking around every section there to make sure everyone has a good view. 
Eddie knows floor seats are tough considering some people are shorter than others. But regardless, he likes to make sure anyone and everyone can see at some point. He moves back to the actual stands. 
“Bunny, I need you to move to the left a little for me please?” His voice carries through the empty stadium. 
You nod and move to the left. The light is right in your face, a little too much and you are shorter than Eddie is. “We might need to move this light. It’s right in my face and I’m seeing spots. I think it’ll wash you out, Eddie.” 
You hear his laugh carry from where he’s standing, “are you saying I’m pale?” 
You giggle a little, “just a tiny bit, honey.” 
He laughs, “maybe we need to take a little week long vacation before we start this tour.” 
Eddie walks to the seats that face the center of the stage. He tilts his head left and right before moving on to the next section. 
And the next. 
And the next.
… 
You wished you could go with Eddie. 
You’d tried, actually. But your schedule had been set long before you met Eddie and you have contracts that you’d signed and now need to fulfill. It hurt your heart that you wouldn’t be there for him. 
It hurt more that you wouldn’t be there to make sure he doesn’t die. 
You lay next to him, head resting on his chest while you listen to his heart. It’s one of your favorite sounds and you swear your beats in time with his. The invisible string theory for sure. He has always been yours, the universe just didn’t let you have him till the time was right. Even if that time came after too much wine.
You feel like he’s been yours much longer than this, like you’ve been lovers in every life. In every timeline. He was your person, your soulmate. And sure that might be insane considering you’ve only been together a little over a month and a half. But you felt it inside. 
You felt it in your bones.
Eddie takes a deep breath, pulling you closer to him and kissing your head in his sleep. You kiss his chest in return and finally fall asleep. You’ll deal with your fear of the tour later.
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avastrasposts · 6 months
Text
A Baker's Dozen - One
Twelve Pedro boys, twelve stand alone short stories, all set in the same bakery.
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Hello!
This is my first original fic after The Pilot and his Girl and it will be a very different read (just in case you're totally traumatised by The Pilot...😬)
Twelve Pedro boys, twelve short stories, each set in the same bakery. The plan is to post one chapter every Sunday night so hold me to that schedule when my procrastination kicks in!
Warnings won't be very serious, just lots of fluff, lots of food, some mention of drugs because you know some of these Pedro boys are just like that.
Series Master List
@harriedandharassed tagging you in this because you said you wanted to read anything new ❤❤❤
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The drawback of being a baker is that your working day starts when others are still tucked in bed with hours left to sleep. Or just coming home from a party. But you don’t mind all that much, there’s a certain tranquil peace to being awake and working in the bakery while the rest of the world sleeps. 
In the warmer months you prop open the back door so that you can hear the birds starting to sing as the sky slowly grows lighter outside, today is just one of those mornings. 
The early morning radio show is on low in the background as you prepare the day. Yesterday's loaves have proofed overnight in the cold storage and are ready for the oven, the pie doughs taken out and softening while you prepare the cookie doughs. 
People don’t often knock on the bakery's back door before you open for the day, but it happens, so when you suddenly hear someone shuffle and knock, you’re not surprised. Wiping your hands on your apron you turn the corner into the small back room. A man is leaning on the door frame, but not the sexy, romance novel leaning. No, this man is leaning in a ‘lean-or-fall-over’ kinda way. His eyes are covered by large black sunglasses that he pulls down as you spot him, a tired but cheeky smirk on his face. 
“Hey, baker girl,” he grins, his voice gravelly like he’s chain smoked all night, “got any sna- oh whoops!” he giggles madly as he loses his balance and tumbles sideways, catching the other door frame before he grabs onto your arms and almost manages to stand up straight. 
“You might need coffee, not snacks,” you say, holding onto him to stop him from falling face forward into your apron.  
“I’m fine,” he grins, pushing himself upright again but still holding on to the door frame, “I just came from this party, were you there?,” he asks, giving you another over the glasses look, this time clearly checking you out as his eyes drag up and down your form, lingering on your pink crocs. 
“Actually, I would’ve remembered if you were there, love the crocs,” he chuckles. 
“What’s wrong with my crocs?” you ask, slightly offended, “They’re great for people like me, you know, people who actually work on Thursdays.” 
“No, no, I mean it, I love your crocs!” the man says, wide eyed and shoving his glasses up in his wild curls, “I have like ten crocs, one pair is pink too.” 
He furrows his eyebrows, giving you a confused look, “Wait, it’s Thursday?” 
“Yeah, five am, Thursday morning,” you say, wondering how to get rid of this disheveled man so that you can get back to the cookie dough. 
“Fuck, oh fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck….” the man groans, bending double and pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, “I’m so fucked…I thought it was Wednesday.” 
He stands up again and you can’t help but feel sorry for him, he looks devastated. 
“I was meant to fly out to San Antonio yesterday and take my nice to Six Flags for her birthday, and I fucking missed it!” 
He slumps against the door frame and thumps the back of his head against it repeatedly, moaning, “I’m such a fuck up, I’m such a fuck up.” 
“Hey, take it easy, I’m sure it’ll be fine, just apologize and take her another day,” you say, putting your hand on the man’s arm to stop him from giving himself a concussion in your bakery, “I’m sure she’ll understand.” 
“You think?” he says, “I’m not the best at remembering birthdays, I may have missed a few in the past.” 
“Well, then she’ll be mad at you, but all you can do is apologize right? And try to make it up to her as best you can.” 
“Yeah…yeah…maybe you’re right, thanks baker girl.” He gives you a lopsided smile and you notice the smudges of dark eyeliner around his eyes, “How about those snacks? I’m fucking starving.” 
You can’t help but laugh, the man’s a mess but somehow adorable at the same time with his wild hair and stained t-shirt. 
“Sure, I’ll get you something, what do you like?”
“Do you have sausage rolls?” he asks, following you into the kitchen, “I fucking love sausage rolls.”
“What, like those things they made on the Great British Bake Off?” you reply, opening your walk in fridge to survey the snack options. 
“Yeah, I did this movie once, in England, and there was a bakery next to my apartment and whenever I got back from a party, early morning, I’d knock on their back door and they’d sell me these fat sausage rolls, fresh from the oven, fucking amazing.” 
“Sorry, no sausage rolls in this bakery,” you say, “but my cookies will be done soon, if you can wait.” 
You turn back to the man and realize he’s wandering around the kitchen, sticking his nose in your bowls, sniffing loudly. 
“Hey, don’t stick your finger in that,” you say, “Health and Safety are going to have my license if they catch you.”
“Sorry, I’ve just got the munchies, I’ve been high for like, two days,” he says, waving his arms around, “this place is torture for a high pers-OH! Do you know what I love?”
“No,” you sigh, exasperated, “I don’t know what you love.”  
He completely misses your tone as he spins in a circle around the kitchen and you realize that he’s wearing what looks like very expensive pajama pants and no shoes, just socks.
“I love those…what do you call them, like…millionaire’s something?” 
“Millionaire's shortbread?” you ask and he spins around to you with a big grin. 
“Yes! Those! With like the chocolate and the peanut butter and they’re like the best Reese’s ever, only even more fucking amazing. Can you make those?”  “I don’t know, maybe,” you begin and the man actually falls to his knees, shuffling over the floor to you. 
“Please, I’ll do anything, I’m dying here, beautiful baker girl, make me happy!”
“Are you asking me to bake for you or proposing?” you laugh, this man is too ridiculous as he grins up at you. 
“If you make them for me, I won’t marry you, but there are many other things I can do,” he says, pulling down his dark sunglasses from his head and winking at you from over the edge, his cheeky grin making it impossible to scowl at him. 
“Fine, I’ll make them for you, just get up from my floor, please,” you say, reaching for his hand. He takes yours with a bright smile, kissing the back of it, before he stumbles to his feet and follows you over to your big workbench.
“I’m Dieter, by the way. Can I sit here?” he asks, pointing to the stool that stands next to the bench. 
“Nice to meet you Dieter,” you say, “sure, go ahead, it’s got wheels on it though so be careful.” 
“Awesome,” Dieter says and sits down, immediately speeding across the floor with a kick of his socked feet. He stops himself from crashing into the fridge door by grabbing on to the handle before he shoots off again, rolling all the way over to the open back door. 
“Don’t fall out through the door please,” you call after him and you hear him giggle, a second later he comes spinning into the kitchen again. 
“This thing is awesome, I need to buy one for my house.” 
“Happy you’re enjoying yourself,” you laugh and walk to where yesterday’s bakes are stacked on trays. You’d made a layer of shortbread yesterday, you were planning on making lemon bars but Millionaire’s shortbread will work too. As you bring it over to your work station Dieter rolls past you and stops by the bench.  “Can I help?” he asks, looking up at you, his sunglasses back in his messy hair. He’s kinda cute when you think about it, gorgeous brown eyes, and the smile he’s giving you is open and curious with an adorable dimple. 
“Yeah, sure, you can be in charge of peanuts,” you say, walking over to the dry storage, “They need to be bashed into chunks with a rolling pin, something tells me that’s something you can probably handle.” 
“That sounds fun, please, direct me,” he says, kicking himself over to the storage cupboard on the stool. 
“Oops, sorry,” he giggles, grabbing hold of your hips to stop himself from crashing into the storage door, “I kicked too hard that time.” 
“Go easy there, Dieter,” you laugh as he untangles himself from the stool and stands up. You get on your tiptoes to grab the peanuts and suddenly realize he’s still holding on to your hips, standing close behind you. You swear you feel his nose brush the side of your head, a quick inhale from him, and then he steps back, letting go. 
“Peanuts?” he says, leaning past you and reaching up to grab the bag sitting just out of your reach. His arm brushes over yours and he’s suddenly very close again, his citrusy after shave, mingling with the heady sweet smoke of weed, fills your senses. 
“Uhh…y-yeah,” you stutter, “thanks. And the dark chocolate if you can reach it.” 
“Sure, this one?” he asks, grabbing the bag of Valrhona from the shelf. This time his chest is pressed against your back, you really should move out of his way, but he’s right behind you, almost pinning you in place, as he has to stretch to his full length to reach. And you find that you don’t mind at all, he’s warm and solid behind you, and this is more action than you’ve had in months. 
“That’s the one, thanks,” you say, trying to keep your voice neutral. 
Dieter brings it down to your level and you take it from him, expecting him to step back and give you room to go back to the work bench. But instead he stays right behind you, and this time you really do feel him bend down and brush his nose over your cheek, down to where your neck meets your shoulder. 
“You smell delicious, like a cookie,” he mumbles and your heart literally skips a beat. 
“Th-thanks,” you splutter and when Dieter steps back, letting you move, you avoid his eyes, feeling your cheeks burn. 
“S-so the…umm…rolling pin is on that shelf there,” you say, pointing down to your right, “and there’s a measuring cup too, just…umm…just get a cup of peanuts, and put them in a plastic bag and bash away. Just wash your hands first.” 
“Ok, I can do that,” he says with a grin and he walks behind you to the sink in the corner while you measure out the peanut butter into a sauce pan. 
Dieter gets to work on the peanuts with great enthusiasm until you tell him they’re broken up enough. 
“Just leave them there, you can come here and stir the peanut butter while I get the caramel ready,” you instruct him and he ambles over in just his socks. 
“What happened to your shoes? If you don’t mind me asking,” you point at his stripey, multicolored socks. 
“I’m not sure,” Dieter glances down at his feet, “I had shoes when I left home, I’m sure of it, but after that it gets a bit hazy.” 
“You’ve really been partying since Tuesday?” you ask and he nods. 
“Yeah, it was a good party so we just kinda kept going,” he grins, “there was a huge pool and we all went in. Actually, maybe that’s where I lost my shoes?” 
“Maybe, you could go back and look for them?” 
“And miss out on baking with a pretty baker girl? Never!” he chuckles and you’re not totally sure he’s being serious or not, but the grin he gives you makes you hope he is. 
“I think this is melted,” he says, draggin the spoon through the silky smooth peanut butter, showing you the bowl. 
“Yeah, that looks done. Just pass me that tray of shortbread and I’ll pour the caramel on top.” 
“Can I lick the bowl?” he asks, looking over your shoulder as you let the thick golden liquid pool on top of the shortbread. 
“I’m pretty good at scraping, there’s usually nothing left to lick,” you say, dragging the spatula around the edge. 
“Can’t you be a bit sloppy, just for me?” Dieter grins, standing entirely too close, “It smells so good, I wanna taste it.” 
This time he’s definitely flirting, the salacious smile on his face while he winks at you, makes you both roll your eyes and squash down butterflies on the inside. 
“Fine, I’ll leave some for you,” you smile, looking back at the shortbread again and scraping out caramel, leaving the last of it on the spatula. Putting the bowl to the side, you hold out the spatula for him. But instead of taking it, he grabs hold of your hand, and licks the caramel off the spatula with a long swipe of his tongue. His eyes don’t leave yours and the whole thing is so over the top you burst out laughing. 
“Jesus fucking Christ, tone it down maybe?” you snort, as he abruptly stops licking, letting go of your hand. 
“What?” he blushes, “I saw it in this movie, it looked sexy.” 
“Yeah, in a porno maybe!” you say, handing him the spatula, and only the spatula.
He takes it with a sheepish look, “Sorry, that usually works.” 
“Not in this bakery, I have to work with that spatula when you’re gone, I can’t have it being used as a porno prop, Dieter.” You grab a new spatula from the holder on the counter and start smoothing out the caramel. 
“You do smell good though,” Dieter says, still looking sheepish, “that wasn’t just a line.” 
“Thanks,” you shoot him a quick smile, working over the caramel, “you smell good too, underneath all that weed funk.” 
At this he grabs the front of his t-shirt and sniffs it, wrinkling his nose, “Yeah, it’s kinda obvious, huh.” 
“Can’t believe you partied for forty-eight hours, I’d be dead on my feet,” you say, mixing the peanut butter into the caramel layer, sprinkling in some of the crushed peanuts, “Do you want coffee or something while we wait for this to set?” 
“Fuck yes, coffee sounds amazing!” Dieter exclaims, dropping the spatula from his mouth, “And this stuff is amazing too, I’d eat a bowl of just this.” 
“You’d die of a sugar rush if you did,” you laugh, sliding the tray into the large fridge and setting a timer on your phone, “C’mon, the coffee machine is out front.” 
One of the advantages of being the sole owner of the bakery was that you got to decide what to skimp on, and what to splurge on. And the espresso machine was something you’d really splurged on. For a shop that mainly sold take out baked goods, it was way over the top, but it meant you always had great coffee on hand for your early mornings. The machine was already up and running, humming quietly as you started preparing two shots. 
“How do you take it, Dieter?” you ask and he winks at you.  “Anyway you wanna give it to me, baker girl,” he grins and when you sigh loudly, he laughs and holds up his hands in defense. “C’mon! I had to! You set it up perfectly!” 
“How do you take your coffee?” you emphasis and glare at him, but your smile is breaking through and he gives you a playful poke as he comes up and stands next to the machine. 
“Extra everything, cream, sugar, any of those coffee syrups if you have ‘em.” 
“Why am I not surprised?” you smirk, “A guy who loves Millionaire’s Shortbread, of course he wants extra everything. I bet you’re lining up outside your local Starbucks the morning they start selling Pumpkin Spice.” 
“I would never drink Starbucks!” he protests, “Fucking vile coffee and the worst of corporate America. But you can’t beat a good pumpkin spice if you’ve got quality coffee.” 
“I’ve only got great coffee here, but no syrup, you want a latte? Double shot espresso?” 
“Please,” he says, leaning against the counter next to the espresso machine as he looks over the front of your little shop, crossing his arms. You can’t help the glance up at his arms, the t-shirt hanging on for dear life as it clings to his biceps and broad shoulders. The many rings on his fingers look tiny on his large hands as he grips the outside of his arms, and you’re temporarily distracted by them, and his close proximity. 
The hiss of the machine pulls you back to reality, coffee sputtering out of the spouts into the cup. You glance back up at Dieter and find him watching you with a crooked smile, a dimple in his cheek. 
“What?” you say, looking back at the machine and begin to steam the milk. 
“You really are beautiful,” he says, almost matter of factly, “especially when you zone out.” 
“It’s early, and I’ve been up since two am, but thanks, I guess,” you reply, handing him the latte and pointing to the sugar bowl on the counter next to the till. 
“I wasn’t trying to make a move or anything,” he says, sounding slightly hurt, “I just wanted to tell you I think you’re gorgeous.” 
“No, I’m sorry,” you say, immediately regretting your tone, “I’m just not used to compliments I guess, I didn’t mean to sound so rude. I should’ve just said thanks,” you look over at him and give him a smile, “Thanks Dieter.” 
“You’re welcome,” he replies, smiling back. 
You knock out the used coffee grounds and fill it up again to make your own coffee. Dieter reaches over and grabs four sugar cubes and drops them in the latte, stirring while he watches you work. He’s watching you closely again and it makes your cheeks heat up. He’s got a strange energy of childish mayhem and intense magnetism, chaos that’s either going to make you laugh until your sides hurt or fuck you until you can’t walk straight for a week. And you’re not sure which one you want. 
Your coffee done, you add a splash of milk and lean against the counter opposite Dieter, taking a careful sip. He’s wrapped both his large hands around the thick glass and is delicately licking the foam, drawing a pattern in it with his tongue. You watch him for a few seconds until he notices you and gives you a sheepish grin. 
“What?” he asks, copying your tone from earlier. 
“You really think I’m pretty?” you ask, the question slipping out before you have a chance to stop it, immediately regretting your filterless mouth. 
But he gives you a disarming smile, “Gorgeous. Gorgeous baker girl that smells like cookies and caramel and chocolate.” 
“You’re just high,” you can’t help but scoff at him, but he just shakes his head. 
“No, not at all.” 
He doesn’t say anything else, just looks at you, the silence stretching between you until you think something will have to snap and it’s probably going to be you. 
The phone saves you, the timer going off just as you don’t think you can stand another second of his chocolate brown eyes looking at you like you’re the snack he’s been asking for. 
“Thecaramelisset,” you rush out, breaking eye contact and hurrying back into the kitchen as if another second in the fridge would ruin the whole thing. Dieter comes in behind you at a slower pace, still drinking his coffee. 
You pull out the tray and set it down on the workbench before turning on the burner under a saucepan of water, setting up a water bath. 
“I’m just gonna melt this chocolate, and then I’ll spread it on top, it’ll set pretty quickly. And then it’s done.” You work quickly, too flustered to look at him and he hoovers just to your side, watching your movements. 
The chocolate melts fast, you only need a thin layer, and then you pour it over the caramel. You scrape the bowl clean but leave a generous amount of chocolate on the spatula, giving it to Dieter. 
“Don’t burn your mouth, it’s still warm”, you say when he takes it. He doesn’t grab your hand this time, but his fingertips brushes over yours as he nods, and it sends a sharp little jolt through you. 
You turn back to the almost finished shortbread but can’t help glancing over at him. His pink tongue comes out and licks the chocolate, this time it’s not over the top, nothing provocative about it, he’s not even looking at you. But you swear you can feel every stroke of his tongue on your own skin, burning hot and wet.
You swallow and tear your eyes away, blindly reaching for the crushed peanuts, taking a handful and scattering it across the chocolate. The Millionaire’s Shortbread is done and you slide the tray back into the fridge, it only needs a few minutes. Dieter remains by the counter, finishing off the chocolate on the spatula as you start to clean up the kitchen and bring out the cookie dough that still needs to be taken care of. You see Dieters eyes widen as he sees the first scoop of dough land on the baking tray. 
“Is that chocolate chip,” he almost whispers reverently, spatula forgotten, as he slowly comes over to stare down into the bowl. 
“You want to try it? It’s double chocolate chip with browned butter.” 
He makes a gurgling noise in the back of his throat, tilting his head back before he looks at you and nods, “Please, it smells so good.” 
You grab a tasting spoon, giving him a generous scoop and watch with a smile as he puts it in his mouth. His eyes close of their own volition as he moans, far too enticingly, around the spoon. 
“Oh my god…” he sighs, slowly chewing the dough, “This is like heaven, better than sex, better than fucking coke.” 
“Knock yourself out,” you chuckle, “it’s not healthy but it’s sure as hell better for you than coke.” 
“And sex?” he asks with a wink, still rolling the dough around his mouth. 
“They’re probably on par, but this is tastier than cum.” 
Dieter nearly chokes, coughing loudly as you giggle. Between repeated attempts at clearing his throat he points his finger at you accusingly, trying to grin between his coughing.
“You’re…” he coughs again, “You’re a dirty baker girl!” he finally manages, grinning widely as you go back to scooping dough, still giggling. 
“I can’t believe I said that, but you did serve it up perfectly.” 
“I did, but I never thought your mind was that filthy, I’m appalled” he laughs, placing a hand on his chest in a mock gesture of shock. “Better than cum huh? You have a lot of experience in that department?” 
Now he’s winking again, poking to get more details out of you. So instead you take another tasting spoon, scoop up more dough and put it straight into his mouth to shut him up. It works, he grins around the spoon and smacks his lips at the taste. 
“So fucking good, definitely better than cum,” he smirks, earning an eye roll from you. “Do you wanna taste it?” 
“I’m good, I’ve already tasted the dough many times,” you reply, careful to specify that you’re talking about dough. 
“Maybe not like this though,” Dieter says, suddenly bending down and pressing his lips against yours. It almost makes you jump, his soft lips against yours, his aftershave, it all envelops you in an instance. He’s not touching you anywhere else, just your lips, and you can’t taste him, his mouth is still closed. Maybe you should push him off, the thought flits through your mind for a split second. But you want to taste him, taste the cookie dough you know is delicious, mingled with him, so you part your lips, your tongue coming out. 
Dieter lets a quiet groan slip out as he part his lips, letting you in, opening his mouth and tilting his head to come closer. You hear the spoon clatter to the floor as his hand comes up and cups your cheek, his big hand reaching behind your neck, another stifled groan from him. He tastes of sugar, coffee and chocolate, all flavors mingling into something enticing that pulls you closer.
There’s nothing delicate about this kiss now, you lick into his mouth, and he offers you all the space you want, holding you close and moaning softly as your tongues tangle.
“Touch my hair,” he mumbles, breathing into your mouth, “I want to feel your hands in my hair.” 
“They’re all sticky, Dieter,” you protest but you feel him shake his head, his lips brushing over yours. 
“I don’t care, touch me, hold me, I want to smell like you when I leave,” his tongue slips between your lips, and you run your hands through his hair. You can feel it sticking, tugging at his wild locks but he just groans, his hands holding you tighter and, encouraged, you let your own hands run across his body, eliciting another loud groan from him. 
Tension is building between the two of you, he is growing hard against your belly, unmistakably turned on and doing nothing to hide it. You can feel heat radiating from your own core, so scorching he must feel it too through the thin fabric of his pajama pants. If this doesn’t stop soon he’ll have you bent over the workbench in a minute, and Health and Safety would definitely have something to say about that. 
With a groan and tremendous effort, you put your hands on his chest and push him away. His lips chase yours for a few seconds, eyes closed, a protest coming from him, before he looks down at you with a sigh. 
“You taste even better than you smell,” he says, not letting go of your cheek, his other hand still around your waist. 
“The cookie dough goes really well with the coffee,” you reply, your mouth quirking up in a smile and he matches it, a dopey look on his face. 
“Amazing,” he breathes, "you're amazing, baker girl.” 
His adoration makes you tremble, you feel the heat in your cheeks, and he sees it, leaning into your lips. He stops and looks at you for a beat, to ask for your permission, and when you don’t pull away he presses a soft kiss to your warm mouth, so different from the hasty, heated kiss you just shared. This one lasts only for a few seconds, gentle, before he pulls back, his hand slowly trailing along your check. 
“I should probably call for my ride,” he says softly, “it’ll take a while to get here.” 
“Ok,” you nod, “the shortbread should be done too.” 
“Ok,” he replies, but he doesn’t make a move to leave and you can’t seem to take your eyes off him. 
“I really should…” he sighs, tracing his fingertips over your cheek again, “call that ride.” 
“Go, do that, I’ll cut the shortbread, we can have some while we wait for your ride.” You lightly put your hand on his warm chest and push him away, smiling, but you really want to bunch your hand in the soft t-shirt and pull him closer. 
“Ok,” he says, louder this time, as if making up his mind. He shoves his hand in his pocket, miraculously finding his phone intact as you bring the tray out of the fridge. 
The whole thing has set into layers, so you take a sharp knife and start cutting rectangles, slipping them up and onto the tray that goes in your display case, some go into a take away box, two you put on a separate plate and then look around for Dieter, spotting his broad back out by the back door. Just as you come over to him he ends his call, turning around to you with a smile. 
“My ride will be here in about twenty minutes,” he says, following you to the doorstep and sitting down. You sink down next to him, maybe a little bit closer than necessary, but he’s wide and takes up almost the whole door frame. Your cookie dough is still waiting for you, you’ll be playing catch up with your baking for the rest of the morning, but it’ll be worth it. This chaotic, disheveled man has made your morning a lot more exciting than usual and you’re a little bit sad to see him go. 
“Here, what you came for,” you say, holding out the plate, and Dieter takes one of the Millionaire’s Shortbread. 
“I can’t believe you made these just for me,” he grins and bites into it. You watch his face, this is your favorite part of baking, watching people when they taste the finished thing. And Dieter doesn’t disappoint, he groans, loudly, grabbing onto your arm and leaning his forehead against your shoulder, his whole body reacting to the flavors in his mouth as he chews. 
“I Iive here now,” he moans, “I’m giving up my career, I’m going to live in your bakery and pay you to feed me for the rest of my life.” He lifts his head up and takes another big bite of the shortbread, groaning again as he looks at you, his eyebrows pulled together, big brown eyes pleading. “How is this so good?” he moans, his tongue coming out to catch an errant peanut crumb, “you’ve got to taste this.” 
He holds up the last bite of the shortbread to you, and you open your mouth, letting him place it between your lips. You feel his fingers brush over them as he pulls back, his thumb coming up to swipe over your bottom lip. 
“It’s really good, I’m pretty happy with this,” you say, trying to not chew with your mouth open as Dieter looks at you, his eyes on your lips.
“Do you want another one?” you ask, holding up the plate and Dieter nods fervently and groans again as he takes a bite. 
“I can’t decide, this or sex, which is better,” he chuckles, and you nod. You know the cake is good, but you can’t help but wonder if sex with Dieter might not be even better. 
You sit side by side in the early morning sunshine, eating the cakes. Dieter soon finishes his second one and cracks the lid on the take away box you’ve given him, sneaking a third one with a childish grin that makes you happy to see. 
“Seriously, I live here now, I’m moving in tomorrow,” he mumbles, moaning between bites, leaning on you, his head on your shoulder. 
“You do that Dieter, I might even let you lick the bowl once in a while,” you say, patting his messy hair. 
“Lick the bowl or lick your bowl, baker girl?” he giggles and you give him a light smack, shaking your head. 
“Enough with the porn jokes,” you scold him, no menace to your words, he can hear the smile in your voice and giggles again. 
“Can I put my head in your lap?” he asks, “Nothing weird, I promise, I’m just really tired suddenly.” 
“Ok, sure, but your ride should be here soon.” 
“Yeah, I just wanna relax my eyes for a while….” Dieter yawns and slips down the stairs to sit on the last step, hooking his arm around your hips and putting his head on your lap. The warm weight of him on your legs is actually comforting, his arm a steady hold behind you. Without thinking about it you start carding your fingers through his hair, adding to the sticky mess, making it stand on end, but he doesn’t seem to mind. It takes him minutes to fall asleep, a low rumbling snore coming from him. 
You keep stroking his head for a few more minutes before you carefully lift his head up and slip out from under him, letting his arm be his pillow. You need to go back to baking, your first customers will be arriving soon and you haven’t even put the cookies in the oven, you want them fresh and warm when the early morning commuters arrive. 
Back in the kitchen you quickly scoop the rest of the dough on the trays and get them in the oven and start stocking the display case out front with what’s already done. You’re just sliding the last croissants into the tray when the opening hour strikes and you flip the sign on the front door. You’ve been listening out back for a car to pull up but you haven’t heard anything and once the morning rush starts, you’re swamped and a couple of hours pass before you even realize. When it finally calms down you wipe down the counter and clean your hands before checking out by the back door. It’s still open, but Dieter is gone, as is the take away box, not a trace of your chaotic, magnetic early morning visitor. 
Hours later, as you’re about to close up for the day, a delivery van pulls up in front of the shop. A man in a uniform jumps out and comes rushing in with a box and an extravagant bouquet of flowers with a vase.  “Delivery for you, miss,” he says, handing you a device to sign your name on, and then the flowers and the box. 
“Thanks,” you say but the man is already halfway out the door. 
The flowers fill the small shop with their scent, and you place them on the counter, next to the till, stopping to stick your nose into the white lilac and breathing deeply before getting the shop closed up.
You flip the sign and take the box into the kitchen, the back door is still open to let the warm spring air in. Sinking down on the stairs where you sat with Dieter just this morning, you open the box. It contains another box and inside that, a note. But there’s also a mouth watering, rich, smell of pastry and meat coming from the box. Intrigued, you open the lid, only to find a thermal container inside, like a small version of the ones used to keep delivery pizza warm. Inside are six fat, delicious looking sausages rolls. Your stomach gives a hungry grumble and you immediately grab one, laughing as you remember Dieter’s first request this morning; sausage rolls, like the ones he bought in England after party nights. 
The sausage roll really is as delicious as it looks and you grab a second one before you pick up the note that came with them. 
It's a double folded piece of paper, so thick it almost looks like part of a canvas. On the inside a note is scribbled in a looped, flowing handwriting. 
“Next time I’m asking you on a date, baker girl /D” 
Part Two
If you want to make Dieter's Millionaire's Shortbread, here's the recipe I used.
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ms-demeanor · 3 months
Note
hello! sorry to bother w this but im sort of desperate at this point. given your post about school abuse: so like. i had a similar experience and i thought that i had sorted my brain out. BUT. big but. now im trans and every time i have to correct people w/ misgender or come out to people that i dont already know their opinion on the issue, i get an anxiety attack that makes me unable to do it. ive told many therapists and no one so far has understood why im terrified of making stuff that other people can perceive as me being difficult to work with. would you have *any* advice? thanks!
Okay so first of all it is totally valid to feel that way; that isn't an irrational response, that is your body and brain going "!!!! I have learned this lesson before!" But just because it's a sensible response doesn't mean it's functional in the long term, which is why it needs to be addressed (which I'm sure you already know, I'm just explaining for people in the back).
So now here is some meandering advice:
Spend time with people you already know you can trust. It's okay to take a break from new people and situations (as much as is possible) when you are processing traumatic events and learning to care for yourself. Spending time with people who you don't have to come out to, who don't misgender you, can help you normalize being out and correctly gendered to yourself.
Recognize that you don't have to be out to everyone and some assholes aren't worth it. This is going to depend some on the context, but you don't owe everybody an explanation for yourself and if people repeatedly misgender you after being corrected you may just be better off not spending time around those people.
Loop in trusted people in low-stakes ways. If you get the sense that someone who you think is pretty safe has misgendered you on accident, it might still feel too intimidating to correct them in person but it might be a good idea to follow up with text or a call or a message to say "hey, just FYI, I think I heard you use a/b pronouns for me earlier, I just wanted to let you know that I use c/d pronouns. Did you want to meet up again next week?" the breakdown on why I think this is effective is - Distance means you're safe - nonthreatening "FYI" means you aren't saying "I'm offended" and assumes good faith from the other person - feels less accusatory (not that you need to tone police yourself, but if you're trying to lower the stress level overall then assuming it was a mistake and letting them know you don't think it was on purpose should reduce the overall tension) - request to meet up again or topic switch to something lighter once again says "I'm not mad, that was just regular information, we can now return to our scheduled programming"
I think that, generally speaking, this is also a decent way to come out to people if you're nervous; physically remote and emotionally casual can be a good place to work from (even if you're actually panicking in your head but you can pull off casual in a written message)
Find (or create) a space where people are 100% going to support you. If you need to create a discord server, if you need to schedule a regular coffee date with trusted friends or family members, whatever it is, give yourself a space where you are unconditionally supported and can have people to bounce ideas and concerns off of. Even if it's just you and one other person, it's good to know you have *someone* who you can say "I think I want to tell this other person to use my pronouns but it's scary" to and know that you're not at risk in any way. I'd say try to make sure that you're still interacting with people outside of that space, but have a space to retreat to where you can just drop the worry.
Recognize that somebody else's problem is not a reflection of you. If you have, for instance, a coworker who is being a piece of shit and refusing to recognize your gender, that is not a reflection of your gender that is a reflection of them being a piece of shit. If there is a classmate or a sibling who uses the wrong pronouns after being corrected that doesn't mean you're not entitled to your pronouns that means they are being a piece of shit. Some people are just not going to accept you and that's on them. Try to minimize your time spent with them and if you have to spend time with them at work take steps to ensure your safety, but don't fight losing battles with assholes.
It really is legitimately scary. You have good reasons to be scared and you are doing a very frightening thing (and not to do the meme thing but you are legitimately being so brave about it; the fact that you are reaching out and asking anyone for help, including randos on the internet, means that you are taking steps to doing the scary thing and that is SO GOOD and I'm really proud of you for making the effort in spite of the fear).
Here is some less meandering advice:
Practice. Talk to yourself in the mirror, practice with friends, practice with your therapist. Practice coming out to yourself in a casual way. Practice correcting your pronouns. Practice an introduction for yourself that explains the information you want to give to new people you might meet. Get it down to a quick little patter, get it to be something that's easy to say to yourself in the mirror first, then try it with friends for practice, then try it around the safer people you might want to give the information to. It'll get easier as you go.
Look for a local support group (or an online support group). If there's a local LGBTQ+ center you should see if they've got events going on or a support group you can join or workshops or any manner of social thing where you can go interact with people who have been through similar stuff.
Journal. Each time you find yourself frightened of talking to someone about your gender, do what you need to to get through the day and then sit down and think about that interaction. Write down what happened, write down what you were thinking. Was there something in particular that made you anxious? Is it something you can practice addressing? Was there something you noticed about the person that made you uncomfortable? Is that a common thread in the times you have trouble talking about this? If you're able to narrow down specifically what is making it hard to speak to some people that might make it easier to explain to therapists but will also make it more actionable for you.
Here's some very optimistic advice:
If at all possible find a friend who will be rabid and unflinching in their support for you and hang out with them around new people. Get yourself an attack dog copilot who will cheerfully step up and make corrections for you. I know not everyone can do this and I know that if you can find someone like this they can't be around all the time, but it can be wonderfully reassuring to find that one person who you know is going to be ride or die about making sure that everyone in the room respects you. (Being that person for someone else can also teach you how to be that person for you)
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olivianyx · 2 months
Note
Hey babe, I'm not going for my sad story but I struggled for 2 years ,it's not like success story but Now I have friends, my family I'm feeling good. My others thinks are also perfect. But all I want is to enter void coz I want my perfect dream life so bad , but I have really packed schedule for my school , please tell me something At night I get really tired And slept .
I really want to enter void
OKAY THIS IS FOR EVERYONE TRYING TO (BECOMING AWARE OF) ENTER THE VOID STATE
Heyy! Sorry for the late response 😭😭 school's beating up my ass as well.
Okay, the overrated void community here. So as I always say, void isn't difficult. It's easy as fuck and you always enter it while you fall asleep. Only thing you gotta do is be AWARE in the void.
Well that's where everyone over complicates it. Just become AWARE. Ik it's instant for some people, while some take patience, practice and consistency to enter the void.
Well this applies for the people who take action (action in the sense changing the story they focus on), discipline themselves and do whatever consistently.
And not to the people who know all the info and still choose to complain or procrastinate. Well I don't blame you for being this way, since you're programmed to be this way since childhood, and it's not your fault. But, it's your fault if you know it, and don't program it the way you want it to be.
So I'll be going to give you sone tips that everyone and anyone can use.
TIP NO. 1
SELF CONCEPT
I won't stop mentioning this in my posts. IT'S THE KEY TO MANIFESTING. YOU'RE LITERALLY CHANGING YOURSELF TO SEE THE CHANGE OUTSIDE! I recommend reading @/meraskii posts on Instagram, she explains self concept better than I do, and she's got a challenge you can try it for yourself. I recommend watching these YouTubers
Rita Kaminski
Dylan James
Sammy Ingram
Hyler
Kim Velez
Indigo Detry
Manifesting with Kimberly
Manifest it, finesse it
Electrasoul
They're excellent coaches, you can watch their videos. All of their videos changes your lives!
TIP NO. 2
Read COPY OF ROTTEN'S PRACTICAL GUIDE TO SHIFTING REALITIES
Here's, she explains very well of the infamous FOCUS 10 STATE, which is nothing but MIND AWAKE, BODY ASLEEP state. Try using Monroe's gateway tapes, she's linked it in the guide herself. Follow her instructions. It's really good to use it at the night time especially. But don't use it if you're really tired that you fall asleep when you hit your head at the pillow. Use it when you're more relaxed and not tired.
Use it till you effortlessly enter the focus 10. Again don't ask me 'hOw LoNg Do YoU tHiNk It TaKeS?' Tf?? Like literally, people don't understand the meaning of living in the end??? Like fulfill it this moment and fucking let go. For some people, because of their mindset might get into focus 10 in one listen or one try. Others may get it in a week, in a month, and longer. So have patience. Have some self discipline, and maintain consistency. It's like practicing to play piano. You won't get how to play it in one try, you'll practice it everyday until you get it. The same concept. Get your lazy ass up and go do it. Practice this now, for an eternity of bliss.
Like you know how useful this focus 10 is?? Like you can shift realities, get into the void, manifest whatever the fuck you want and so on. It's literally wonderful.
When you can get into focus 10 effortlessly, you can go to advanced focus 10 tape. There's proper instructions in the guide. Get your lazy complaining ass go through the guide once (compulsorily!) since she's mentioned many things you never know you needed.
After you practice with these gateway tapes, and you're perfectly in a state where you can get that BODY ASLEEP MIND AWAKE state, you're good to enter the void with this state!
TIP NO. 3
Enter the void! And fucking go live your dream life! I wanna see y'alls success stories.
- Olivia 🤍
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sugusoneandonly · 2 months
Text
Quixotic - STSG - ch 2
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prev // next
a/n 1: ik i said fem reader but like there’s gender neutral pronouns, however the reader does have feminine presentations maybe? Like dresses, makeup, etc. 😭 idk how ts rlly works guys dont cancel me im a rainbow person too😞
cw cont: jealous sugu ,, questioning sugu ,, oblivious reader ,, thats all i got lmk if i missed smth
!! do not repost/copy on any other platform !! if u do at least lmk where and give creds 😒 /j !! pls don’t tho <3
After your brief introduction with Geto, you were now sitting on a leather couch that overlooked the bright city of Tokyo. Gojo had stepped out to go handle whatever modeling business he had to attend to, leaving you with Geto. It’s been silent since then, even more than before the chatterbox out of all 3 of you had left.
You couldn’t help but admire the man before you, no doubt in the fact that he could’ve become a model himself if he wanted to. As if he could feel your gaze, he turned around to lock his deep lilac eyes with your own. You blinked. He smiled, softly but surely. Anything he would say, you would do. Whether out of fear, admiration, or something else, you didn’t know.
His studio was clean (cleaner than yours at least) yet had the essence of life and his own soul strewn over it. Silken fabrics adorned the windows and deep fabrics were strewn across the island in his office, his desk with a stack of papers and an open portfolio. With curiosity your gaze shifted to it, focusing in on it to try and see what was on them, his latest line maybe?
Yet before you could catch the slightest hint, his pale hands had flipped the open file closed. “I apologize for my lack of introduction, i’m Suguru Geto, you probably already know though.” You had to get a grip on yourself, he’s your…mentor and you can’t swoon around for your own mentor. “I’m Y/N L/N, I really love your work.” you quickly managed to get out.
A moment of pause, and he let out chuckle that was deep yet as light as a summer’s night breeze. “I’m quite familiar, I see your name in my notifications quite frequently.” And with that, summer’s scorching sun had graced itself into your cheeks, and if you couldn’t blush before you might as well have now. Your appreciation for his work posted online hadn’t gone unnoticed apparently. What’s worse, he knew your social media already and you can’t remember whether you left it private or public.
“..I’m sorry again for my harsh behavior it’s not everyday you meet your lovers ex and take them in-” He began but you quickly cut him short, hands frantically waving in front of you frown etched with wide eyes and scrunched eyebrows. “I have no feelings for him anymore and even if I did there’s no way I’d express them, especially considering everyones… positions. I didn’t even know I-” realizing your rambling, you finally looked him in the eye, a tight lipped smile pulled on his face. “Then there’s no point wasting time on informalities, is there then?” , not trusting your mouth you simply nodded.
“We have a tight schedule today, we begin with picking the next project.” we. i get to help my idol make his next project. a project that people are gonna wear. and people that actually know who made it instead of my occasional etsy shoppers.
When you returned to reality, you saw a collection of various designs laid before you on the coffee table. The seasons were shifting from summer to fall. Although it was early September, the industry never waited, not even on the leaves to fall. Your mouth fell to a small o , Suguru swore if you had gazed at him with the stars in your eyes, they might’ve been warm enough to make him melt.
wait, what, that’s not how it goes - sugu
You skim through each and every sketch, feeling as if you’ve discovered a new chest of gems, one that nobody knew of. You stopped when you fell across a particular sketch, not really a sketch but a photocopy. The style felt familiar, and upon closer examination, it’s my drawing
You look up at Geto, “I was thinking, there’d be no point in interning if you couldn’t exercise your own work. So, if it’s alright with you I was thinking to incorporate some of your ideas into the next line.”
A grin spread across your face, “Yes, Of Course! I’d love that so mu-” you were cut off with the door opening, and Geto quickly shut the folder with the sketches out of sight. You turned around to see the door, none other than Gojo standing there, playful pout gracing his face. “He’s not allowed to see the works in progress,” Geto explained. You tilted your head, no words, and like second nature Gojo responded “He wants to be mysterious and keep it a surprise like the bum he is.” Gojo had scrunched his nose at Geto, plopping himself down next to him, arm resting on the couch behind Geto’s back.
A twinge of jealousy pinched at Geto, seeing what’s probably surface level remnants of your past relationship come back to life like clockwork. He brushed it off, you had no feelings, Gojo has none, what could go wrong.
he forgot about himself
Yet, you had no feelings. None. You looked at the couple in front of you and exhaled with relief. you did it, you were over him, and you can carry on
It was dead silence now, how unfortunate. Why won’t your mouth work, say something. Thankfully, Geto and Gojo had been fussing over whatever rich people business Gojo had brought with him. Albeit, quite hushed. Praying your stomach wouldn’t go back to its old ways, you had jinxed yourself. A quite prominent growl had presented itself to the room. Geto glanced up at the clock, Gojo smiled. It was pushing 1 in the afternoon, unfortunately you couldn’t brush it off as only one person was sitting in the direction of the sound, and that person was you. Gojo had slightly toed Geto under the table.
“Next item on the schedule would probably better off as lunch, hm?” Geto offered, a teasing, forced?, smile on his face.
“Really?” You glanced down at the paper, lunch wasn’t for another hour? Quickly the paper was lightly tugged from your hold, two different hands yet adorned by similar rings. The two glanced at each other. “A designers life never sits set in stone, little one.” Gojo said in a sing-song.
“Ohh” you had bought it. They take this very seriously, perhaps it’s best not to mess around too much like this - Suguru
Quickly, the two men had already began to make their way out the door and to the elevator down to the city. You made your way to keep up with them, to wherever they were taking you.
©sugusoneandonly 2024
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a/n 2 :: BONJOUR 🥖
This is very slow burn i think. Guys im being so fr idk what im doing im just throwing up my thoughts. Idk how to write enemies to lovers so i give u crisis sugu <33
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