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hollowdeath · 4 months

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hii! I love love loveee ur harry fic. can I request a modern au where harry and fem reader are both famous actors, they get paired up to do a movie where they have to do a s3x scene, and things get pretty heated off set as well ~

hi! thank you so much for requesting, i really enjoyed writing this! i hope you like it!

pairing: harry james potter x fem!reader AU (18+)

summary: you're filming your first romance movie that features a sex scene with harry potter (early 20's), an actor you've only ever seen on the big screen. despite both of your nerves, a growing chemistry between you two leads to something more in the dressing room.

content warning: smut!!! dry humping, oral sex, penetration

word count: 8.7k (i can't write short blurbs i swear lol)

you were currently sitting in the hair and makeup chair chatting with the stylist about each other's respective careers, laughing and messing around before your official call time. you always went out of your way to talk to the crew on any set you worked, not just to be respectful, but also to make everyone comfortable around you right away.

it was a little hard to grasp from your perspective as you were only thrust into the spotlight a few years ago, but you were in enough successful movies that you were now pretty recognizable to most people. not that long ago you were just like everyone else, a fan of celebrities yourself who went to premiers and fawned over meeting them. today, those same people are technically your coworkers. it's something you're still learning to accept as your new normal.

that being the case, it was easy for people to feel a bit intimidated by you. you were well-liked, by both fans and people in the industry, and already highly-acclaimed with quite a few notable awards/nominations under your belt in just a couple years. and while you took your acting seriously, in your real life you were very different from the stoic characters you played. funny, warm, personable, always trying to lighten the mood - you were a pleasure to work with in every sense, so the intimidating preconception people had of you would quickly melt away.

"wow, jen, it must be so cool being able to work with so many celebrities all around the world," you sighed. the stylist, jenny, gives you a bewildered look in the reflection of the mirror. "well, you do that too y'know? you're one of those celebrities that people will ask me, 'oh my god, what's she like?'" she laughs at you, finishing up the final details of your hair.

you give her a half smile, feeling a blush rise on your cheeks. "okay, well, i guess…but it's not the same. i'd love to travel as much as you do. i know it's for work, but i'm sure you get to see some pretty incredible places," you gush. jenny smiles back at you.

"i do, it's nice and all, but you get to be on the big screen with some pretty handsome faces," she teases. "i mean, that movie with timothee you just did?" she practically moans. "i would do anything for that boy," she laughs.

your blush only worsens. being a young woman in the industry you're very often paired with actors around your age, almost always men, to have a romance plot line with. it seems like no matter how artistic, action-packed, or sad the movie is, they just can't let you leave without having you makeout with said actor at least a million times before getting 1 good take. after a while it becomes so routine that it loses all novelty. kissing becomes meaningless and these 'heartthrobs' just become coworkers to you.

"please, timothee's like my brother at this point," you roll your eyes, pulling out your phone to check the time. just a few more minutes before you have to leave and be on set. "and i'd much rather do his makeup than makeout with him in front of everyone again," you laugh, putting your phone back in your pocket.

"well, y'know, i was doing the potter boy's makeup just before i came in. wouldn't mind making out with him a few times, lucky duck," she teases you, starting to pack up her equipment.

harry potter. the name was familiar to you. he was an actor around your age who started getting more roles at the same time you did. you always seemed to miss each other at award shows and premiers, so you haven't been properly introduced yet, but you had been somewhat excited to work with him on this movie.

it was your first proper romance, a book adaptation that you had actually read just a few years prior on your own. you knew the director well and you were his first choice when casting the lead role. at first you were a bit hesitant to accept because you didn't even enjoy the little romance you did in your previous movies, so you weren't sure how you'd feel doing an entire film centered on it. but robert, the director, had convinced you to at least read the script, and you were hooked from there.

it was less of a romance and more of a drama, focused on the downfall of a marriage due to the wife, you, having an affair. that's where potter came in. you learned he was cast for the role of the 'side piece' only a month or so before filming began, and you weren't sure how to feel. on one hand, like jenny said, he wasn't bad looking from what you had seen in his films. however, when you previously did these types of scenes with costars, you at least knew them previously and could be friendly with them between takes. you had never met potter, not even seen him off-screen, and now you have to have an entire affair with him on camera.

that's another thing. you've only ever done heated kissing scenes before, maybe a little undressing and implied nudity, but nothing too explicit. this would be your first real 'sex scene', which just added another layer of awkwardness to the situation on top of not even knowing the basics about each other. to say you were anxious about filming those scenes would be an understatement.

"then you can take my place, cuz i'm not looking forward to it. you know i've never even met him before?" you ask as you stand up from the chair, stretching your body after sitting for over 2 hours. "just gonna introduce myself like, 'yeah, hi, i'm [y/n], nice to meet you. you ready to pretend to fuck passionately for the next 4 hours in front of the catering staff?'" you joke, putting on a voice and pretending to shake jenny's hand. she laughs at you, pulling her hand back and waving you away.

"oh hush, you're gonna do just fine. hell, you might even like it." she gives you a smirk as you just laugh her off. you exchange goodbyes with her, wishing her well and thanking her excessively for her time.

as you're walking through a maze of hallways to find your set, you run into robert. he looks like he's seen a ghost when you greeted him.

"oh…[y/n]...i've been meaning to talk to you…" he says nervously, trying to keep his tone positive. you narrow your eyes at him. you've worked with robert long enough to know when he's about to tell you something he knows will annoy you.

"robert…" you warn him, a hint of sarcasm in your voice. he sighs. "look, just walk with me." he tells you as he walks away, motioning you to follow.

as you catch up to him, he begins trying to find the best way to break the news to you. "see, well…we uh…we think it's best if, uh…maybe…" he stammers, causing you to look at him with concern. you've never seen him this nervous to tell you something. "what? just spit it out, rob." you tell him.

he sighs again, rubbing his forehead. "look, casting just isn't sure on this potter kid yet. we've shot a couple of his solo scenes already, but…" he trails off, trying to find the words again.

"but…?" you ask confused. he gives you an apologetic look. "but…we just need to see his chemistry with you first." robert says. you're just more confused, staring at him blankly. robert slows to a stop and turns to you, his hands raised in innocence.

"it's not my idea, but cast wants you and potter to shoot the sex scene today so they can decide if we're keeping him or not," he admits regretfully.

you're completely dumbfounded. there's a few moments of silence before you can even conjure up a response. "what?"

he sighs yet again, clearly stressed about the situation. "i know, trust me, i know, you weren't excited to do this scene to begin with but…think about it this way," his voice turns to the same fake positivity to try and reassure you.

"if we shoot all the lovey dovey stuff first just to find out there's no chemistry during the sex scene, then we just wasted all your time, all his time, and a lot of money…" he reasons with a strained voice. you're still giving him a death glare, arms crossed, not buying his excuses.

"robert, that doesn't even make any sense. wouldn't we build chemistry over time like any other movie? i thought i had at least a couple weeks to get to know this kid before… you know…" you trail off, blushing from both frustration and embarrassment.

"i know, i know, but cast is really pushing for this other guy, but i've wanted potter in this role as long as i've wanted you as my lead." he says desperately, his hands literally pleading with you. "please, [y/n], i know this isn't cool of me, but i'll do anything you need from me for the rest of filming. for the rest of my life!" he's joking, but there's a hint of seriousness in his voice. "just, please?"

you're still glaring at him, not happy that you're being put in this predicament. you take a second to breathe, trying to think past your anger, and see this from an outside perspective. realistically, even if you and potter did have chemistry outside of the sex scene, it didn't necessarily mean it would transfer over. by filming that first and getting it out of the way, there would be no awkward building of tension over the next few weeks knowing what's to come. and who's to say there even is any chemistry? then they'd end up having to switch him out for an entirely different actor, which could up a lot of time for paperwork and legal fees…

sighing, uncrossing your arms, you give robert a look of defeat. "fine."

robert's relieved, thanking you profusely as he continues to show you the way to the stage. he's trying to babble on about how you're going to do great, and there's nothing to be afraid of, but you can't focus on his words even a little bit because your heart is thumping so loud.

as you walk into the bustling room with robert leading the way, you can't help but search the room for potter's face. you want to at least see who you're going to be dry humping from 4 different angles.

recognizing different crew members you've worked with before, you smile and say hello to each of them as you continue analyzing each face in the room. you only kind of know what he looks like, so it might be a fruitless search, but it's the only thing that can distract you from your growing anxiety.

robert brings you to the catering table, telling you to make sure you eat and drink some water before being pulled into conversation with someone else and, eventually, leaving you behind completely. whatever, you think, he wasn't helping anyway.

grabbing for a water bottle, you drink at least half of it before feeling a tap on your shoulder. you're twisting the cap back on as you turn around.

harry potter.

you can instantly tell it's him, though he's now wearing glasses, something you don't remember seeing in his movies. he has a shy, nervous smile as he offers you his hand. "[y/f/n] [y/l/n], right? i'm harry potter," he introduces himself. "i guess we'll be filming together for the day."

you smile and shake his hand. "harry, hi, it's nice to meet you. and, yeah, i guess so…" you reply shyly, noticing that your hands are sweating, as well as his. he chuckles just a bit, reaching for a water bottle as well.

"yeah, i take it robert talked to you already?" he asks before he takes a drink. you nod, giving him an awkward smile. "he did…" you chuckle as well. "just a minute ago, actually."

harry nods in return. "yeah, he came by my room not even an hour ago to let me know." he states.

there's a few moments of awkward silence between the two of you before harry sighs and sets his water bottle down. he turns to you with his hands up just like robert.

"look, let's not be coy, yeah? this is weird as hell." harry states bluntly, a look of guilt on his face.

you let out a surprised laugh, setting your water bottle down as well. you turn to him, giving him your attention, curious to see what else he has to say.

harry briefly looks you up and down, his hands still raised. there's a hint of anxiety in his eyes before he blinks and shakes his head. "and, i'm just a big fan of yours in general, and this is really not how i wanted my first sex scene to play out, especially with you…" he emphasizes, his eyes widening at his own words.

"not that i didn't want it to happen at all, i definitely did, just, like…" he groans, throwing his head back and covering his face with his hands in frustration. you can't help but giggle at his nervous antics. you didn't know what to expect in terms of his personality, but you certainly didn't think he'd be so humble and shy. most actors you meet close to your age are either full of themselves or try too hard to be something they're not. you've made friends with plenty who aren't like that, but it's definitely more common than you expected.

with harry, however, he seemed very honest right away. he wasn't putting on a face to impress you, if anything he was failing miserably at that…but you found it really admirable. he reminded you of yourself, in a way.

after hearing you giggle at him, harry looks back at you with flushed cheeks. his brunette hair, an already messy fringe, was now even more disheveled. you continue to giggle at his expression, covering your smile as you look him up and down as well. tired converse, blue jeans, a maroon zip up, and a plain blue polo. you'd never think this kid was a famous actor based on his appearance. even his glasses looked old and bent out of shape.

but again, you found it admirable. no designer names, no flashy accessories. not that you found anything wrong with either of those things, it's just what you're used to seeing. it was refreshing, harry's simplicity.

he awkwardly chuckles with you, wringing his hands together nervously. "uh, what i'm meaning to say is…" he trails off. you interrupt his thoughts. "i know what you're saying," you reassure him. he looks back up at you. "you do?"

you laugh again. he's oddly innocent despite his age. "i do. i've never done this before, either." you admit. "oh, i know, i've seen all of your films plenty of times," harry beams, his nervousness melting away a bit. you're taken aback by his statement. "oh?" you respond.

he nods proudly. "oh yeah, i'm just a big film person in general so i'm constantly watching them at home. or on the plane. or in the dressing rooms…" he laughs. you smile warmly at him. again, something about him is so genuine to you. not afraid to be a fan.

"but, anyways, yeah, i just love your work. and i know you've worked with robert before, so i was over the moon when i heard he wanted me to work with you guys. that was one of my favorite films that year, y'know? definitely deserved more recognition than it got." harry rambles.

blushing, you give him an incredulous look. "yeah, we have worked together before. i-i loved that film." you're clearly impressed with his knowledge of you and of cinema in general. that film wasn't even all that popular, and definitely not your most well-received work as far as the critics went. "thank you. really."

harry's smiling at you, admiring you in a way.

you blink a few times to come back to reality. "u-um, i love your work, too. i actually just went and saw your most recent one twice, before robert even told me we'd be working together."

harry's shocked, his mouth slightly agape and eyes wide. "you…you've seen my movies?" he asks with a slight smile.

again, you can't help but giggle at him. his humility just keeps surprising you. "of course i have. you're not the only actor who enjoys films, y'know?" you tease him. he laughs, shaking his head.

"yeah, i'm…i'm just surprised, i figured you might not be familiar with me at all, really," he shrugs, still sounding in shock.

"well, we always miss each other at shows and such, i always meant to introduce myself, but…" you trail off. "i know! tell me about it! i've wanted to meet you for ages, seriously," harry gushes.

smirking, you cross your arms and shift your weight. "well, what do you think now that we've met?" you ask, mostly sarcastically but also curious about his response.

he clears his throat, the nervousness coming back slightly. "u-uh, well, um…" he stumbles. "quite honestly, i didn't think you could be more beautiful in person." he admits like a schoolboy with a crush.

his response gives you butterflies. he's so adorably innocent, but such a gentleman at the same time. at no point does his admiration for you feel manufactured or forced. it's like he's truly just happy to be with you in this moment.

"well…thank you, harry," you respond. "you're not so bad yourself. i really adore the glasses." you admit with a blushing smile.

harry perks up immediately. "really?" he asks, excited and shocked at the same time. "they're prescription, actually, i'm blind as a bat…but no director wants me to wear them, they say i look like a total nerd," harry laughs, but you can tell it saddens him.

"nerds are hot." you shrug. harry's stunned for a moment before chuckling, his eyes softening for you. "right."

you and harry continue to chat for a while, losing all sense of time as the crew continue to work around you. you're mostly discussing films you both enjoy, and have incredibly similar taste. you love all the same directors, and grew up watching the same stuff.

this eventually leads to talking about both of your starts in acting, which are also strikingly similar. you discuss your experience so far as a woman in hollywood and he listens intently, asking questions with genuine curiosity and concern. he tells you about his experiences with theater growing up and the connections he made throughout his time performing.

you're completely enthralled with the conversation and feel like it could go on for days without any complaint. it's not until you hear robert calling both of your names that you look at the time and realize you've been talking with harry for nearly an hour and a half, but it feels like you just started 10 minutes ago.

harry follows you towards robert who's talking to the wardrobe team. you recognize a few faces and excitedly greet them, asking how everyone's been.

"potter, [y/n], these lovely folks are gonna walk you through how this works as far as clothing, don't be afraid to ask questions," robert told you both distractedly, his head already turned away before he ran off to help someone else out on set.

you and harry are separated and put into your respective outfits for your characters, as well as specific underwear for the scene. looking in the mirror at yourself in a simple dress, you can't help but feel the nerves coming back to you as you realize you actually have to film this scene with harry soon.

harry…

when you come back, he's already in his outfit and waiting for you. he's in an earth tone suit, his glasses taken off and his tie slightly undone. you have to admit that he looks extremely handsome, and decide to tell him so with a smirk. "says the most gorgeous girl in the room," he instantly quips, but you can see the blush blooming over his cheeks.

the wardrobe team basically teaches you both how to take off your clothes in a "movie style" that looks best on screen. specific movements can obstruct certain body parts from the camera, some take less time than others depending on what you're wearing, just little things that keep you from having to constantly reshoot the scene.

after a few tries of swiftly removing your dress, and taking glances at harry as he took his button-up off, you start to get the idea and have the motion memorized. you're laughing with one of the assistants you've met previously about the task and catching up with her in general. harry comes up behind you and also recognizes her, giving her a friendly hug. you're impressed with how personable he is with her, asking about her schooling and her roommates, parts of her life you hadn't even known about. you couldn't help but be in awe of him. he really was like you in so many ways.

before you get too comfortable, the wardrobe team informs you and harry that you have to also practice taking each other's clothes off for the camera. obviously, you thought, but you were still a bit shocked at the news.

you turned to harry, who's already waiting for you with that familiar smile. you smile back nervously. "hey, it's alright. it's just me." harry reassures you. the tone of his voice is so comforting it actually helps settle your nerves a decent amount.

both of you basically learn what the other person learned, you taking off harry's suit jacket and tie as he lifts your dress in one swift motion. the first run through you're a bit nervous and end up giggling most of the time. harry also laughs with you, making the atmosphere less tense.

"feels like a dance, oddly enough," harry says, pretending to dance with you. you laugh and agree, dancing along with him.

after a few more awkward tries, you both start to get the hang of it and feel more comfortable with each other both physically and emotionally. you're cracking jokes, helping teach the other how to unclothe themselves quicker, just having a good time that comes so naturally to both of you. it doesn't take too many tries before you can efficiently take off each other's clothes without giggling or accidentally tickling the other.

before long you're both placed on set, a mock living room that resembles the apartment of harry's character. you and harry are given a few simple, non-sexual scenes to start with. the scripts are kept close by in case either of you need a refresher, but you both seem to have your lines memorized well and go through the scenes very naturally.

you were familiar with harry's acting of course, but something about how he performed his lines with you struck a different chord. his emotions were so raw, his timing felt natural, and his eyes told a whole story on their own. at one point you got so lost in them you missed a beat, quickly correcting yourself and focusing your gaze elsewhere.

you only had to redo them one or two times before moving on to the next scenes, which included kissing. you could feel your heart start to race again before harry's hands found their way to your shoulders from behind, a soft but firm grasp that sent chills down your spine.

"remember, it's just me," harry mumbles to you, coming around the side of you with a reassuring expression. somehow he knows exactly how to ease your nerves, and does it at the perfect times.

you're moved from the couch to the 'front door' area, where robert has you and harry mimic the steps he wants you to take before the cameras start rolling. "[y/n] opens the door, harry grabs her hand and pulls her back in," he directs you two like puppets as he shows you how and where to stand.

harry has you by the hand, your palms still sweaty as he squeezes your hand for reassurance. you smile at him, and he smiles down at you before quickly looking back at robert's actions.

"harry backs her up to the door, back, back, back 'til it closes," harry's pressed against you, chuckling under his breath as he looks down at you. you try to hold back a smile.

"kissing, kissing, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda," robert calls out despondently, flipping a page in his notebook. "harry, you take her shoulders and push her against the east wall," robert points to the wall just next to the door, and harry lightly moves you to the other wall, keeping his body close to yours.

"really sweet, yeah, but make sure it's passionate!" robert says dramatically, making both you and harry laugh.

you're instructed on the best way to take each other's clothes off for the cameras, and practice only a bit before officially having to start to scene. in the lull between the cameras being placed properly and the lighting being set, you start to nervously crack your knuckles and try to steady your breathing.

harry appears in front of you. he lightly grabs your chin with his fingers and kisses you softly on the lips. you're a bit stunned at first but can feel butterflies erupting in your stomach. you look up at harry with wide eyes, and he's chuckling again. "sorry. just thought i'd get the first one off-camera."

your mind is jumbled and you're staring at harry with, undoubtedly, a ridiculous face. you can't even remember the last time a kiss made you feel this way, or if one has ever made you feel this way before.

you suppress another smile as robert calls for places. somehow you're now less nervous about making out with him, if anything…you're excited about it. that soft, gentle kiss he gave you left you wanting more. maybe he just knew kissing you before being filmed would make it feel more natural on camera.

the scene starts, harry pulls you through the doorway, and backs you up against it until the door clicks shut. you're looking up at harry with wanting eyes, exploring his face as the camera pans to your left. once it pauses, harry pulls you in for an eager kiss.

your hand goes to his jaw, keeping it out of the way of the camera's view. you realize after a second just how comfortable you are kissing harry. not only are you comfortable, you're actually getting into it. and so is harry.

as another camera pans towards the wall beside you, harry grips your shoulders firmly and pushes you against it, reconnecting your lips with a desperation that felt completely real to you. it only fired you up more, running your hands through harry's hair and arching your body closer to him as the kiss became hungrier.

"cut," robert calls out in a casual tone, causing harry to pause and take a step away from you. you look at him for only a second before you have to look away, crossing your arms, a blush completely taking over your face.

what the fuck was that?

you've made out with plenty of guys plenty of times, but not like that. not even off-screen have you been kissed so passionately. either harry was the best kisser in the world, or you were confusing your feelings with your character's.

"that was great, guys, no issues, just gotta readjust," robert informs you as he works with a camera guy to get the angle right. "harry, can you come in again?" he asks, motioning harry towards you.

harry steps closer to you, giving you a shy smile like he didn't just change your entire life with one kiss.

you smile back at him, still blushing, mind still spinning. he may be pretty cute with his glasses on, but at least without them you can get a better look at his pretty green eyes. you wondered for a split second if his glasses would get in the way of you making out with him, but you quickly dismiss the thought as he's your costar. one that you barely met 3 hours ago.

the camera gets adjusted, and you're directed to just continue to the undressing part of the scene. you look over at harry, getting closer to him as you mumble, "do you think it'll be difficult, kissing and undressing at the same time?"

harry gives you an unsure face, looking at his tie before loosening it a bit. "might be, i'll get it started for you," he says, unbuttoning the top couple button of his shirt as well. you smile at him a bit. "just take your time, i'll help you." he says. something about the way he looks at you lets you know he means it, and you believe him.

as the scene starts, harry pulls you in for another breath-taking kiss, and the butterflies erupt in your stomach yet again. you know something's not right about this. well, actually, everything couldn't feel more right with harry's lips pressed against yours, but that's the problem. you're way too into this for it to just be acting for a movie, and it seems like harry's just as into it, if not more.

you quickly start undressing him, pulling off his suit jacket as he helps you, repeating the steps you practiced together. except now you were trying to keep the kissing going smoothly.

your fingers began fumbling with harry's shirt buttons, getting it and his tie off just in time for him to pull the skirt of your dress above your head, resuming your kiss with an eagerness that surprised you.

"cut, nice, one more time, little bit quicker guys," robert calls out. you pull away from harry breathlessly before trying to put your dress back on. harry redresses as well, and a stylist comes from the side to fix the back of his hair. he thanks them by their name and with a smile.

you and harry resume the scene again, picking up the speed just a bit as you attempt to make out and undress at the same time. the quicker you both moved, the more intense the kiss became, as if neither of you wanted to stop for even a moment to breathe.

"cut, nice, thanks guys," robert calls out, walking away to the furthest camera man.

you and harry redress, making funny comments to each other about the scene as you do. you notice your lipstick is on harry's lips, and you giggle as you tell him he should maybe wipe it off. "maybe i like this shade on me," he says sassily. you just roll your eyes and laugh at him.

as you chat a bit more, robert eventually comes up to you guys with a script in hand. "okay guys, we're gonna do this quick and try to get it in one take if we can. we wanna eliminate all the awkward for everyone, including the camera guy," he jokes, waving towards the camera man who laughs at him.

you and harry chuckle dryly, knowing what's coming next.

a few crew people leave the room, whether robert told them to or they chose to you're not sure. it's down to just a few more people than you and harry, along with a camera. you look at each other, harry giving you a big smile before he starts undressing.

you follow suit, listening to robert's instructions. "the scene's barely 10 seconds of screen time, so we're only gonna do about 30 seconds of filming. yeah?" you both nod, setting your respective clothes to the side. you're quite a bit relieved at this news, glad that everyone else wants to get this over with as much as you do.

you're both wearing nude colored underwear, harry's briefs and your panties and strapless bra matching your skin tones enough that it could pass for nudity in the dim lighting. you feel a bit exposed, but not to the point of embarrassment, especially having harry next to you in just as little clothing as you.

"alright, now, i don't care if you're both virgins or whores, we all know what sex looks like, so i'm not gonna get too graphic here," robert jokes to lighten to mood, making you and harry laugh to yourselves as you give each other embarrassed looks.

"all i'm gonna do is tell you where to be and you guys just feel it out from there. sound good?" robert asks. "yeah," you both say at the same time. "but remember, you're a cheating bride, so put some oomph into it," robert jokes with you, walking towards the couch. you feel your cheeks heat up as harry tries not to laugh.

robert has you on the couch, laying with your head hanging off the arm as harry steadies himself above you. his arm has to be in a certain position to keep you covered for the camera, and as he repositions himself to their liking, you admire his body from your view. his chest is well built, his shoulders and collarbones creating shadows across his lovely pale skin…

you had to stop. this is just a job. he's an actor, you're an actor, you're acting together, nothing more. just be professional.

just before the camera's start rolling, harry looks down at you and gives you that same reassuring smile that makes your heart skip a beat every time. fuck. stop doing that.

"it's just me. okay? just you and me." his voice is so deep and he's so close to you, and the lighting behind him is making him glow. this moment could be a movie on its own.

"yeah," you breathe out, mesmerized by his words. just you and me. you could do that.

when the camera starts rolling, harry's hips start grinding into you slowly, his lips immediately connecting with yours. you involuntarily melt into him, your hands reaching for his shoulders as his leg starts rubbing against your panties. you let out a moan against harry's lips, and your grip on him gets tighter.

his hips become more and more rough with you, using your thigh to rub against rather than your panties themselves. it doesn't matter. you're still insanely turned on. and not just as your cheating character, but in real life, as yourself.

as you throw your head back in pleasure, harry takes advantage and digs his head into your neck. he's softly biting at your skin as he brings a hand to one side of your face, keeping his other arm stable for the camera.

he brings you back in for a kiss, and your hands are back in his messy brunette locks. this time he moans, and his rocking hips begin to pick up speed, grinding with more force into you.

your face twists in pleasure, partially for the camera but mostly for harry. you can't believe how natural this feels for you. it's like it really is just the two of you, no camera, no pressure, just pleasure.

as robert cuts the scene, there's a tone to his voice that was different compared to his normally distracted, stressed voice. harry slowly backs up from you, an indistinguishable look on his face as he gives you space to sit up.

you sit up, and quickly walk over to grab your dress. you don't feel uncomfortable, you're just afraid that you got wet enough to soak through your panties and really don't want anyone to notice.

as you slip the dress over your head, you notice harry putting on his pants. you can't tell if you just saw him from a weird angle or if you looked too quick and were mistaken, but you could've sworn he had an erection he was stuffing in his trousers.

well, even if he did, that's normal, right? you're both young people practically dry humping each other and pretending to enjoy it, of course your bodies are going to think it's real and end up actually enjoying it…right?

that's what you tell yourself as you try your best to seem normal, fixing your hair and steadying your breathing as robert makes his way over to you.

"that was, uh…that was great. i don't think we'll have any problem keeping potter, yeah?"

with a heavy hand on your shoulder and a knowing smile, robert calls it a day for the rest of the crew still on set and says his goodbyes.

you're a bit confused by his statement, but try not to think about it too much. you turn to look at harry, but he's already gone.

you're a bit surprised. you thought for sure harry would want to maybe chat a bit after all that, but you tried not to be disappointed as you turned around and headed towards the wardrobe department to retrieve your real clothes.

after getting dressed and setting wardrobe's outfit back in their closet, you make your way out towards the hallways. your mind is still racing, but you're trying not to think too much about what just happened so you don't lose your mind.

on your way to your dressing room, you kept feeling like someone was watching you. the feeling made you walk a bit faster as you tried to remember which hallway was yours.

once finding the door, you quickly let yourself in until a hand stops the door. as you peak through the crack, you see a tie hanging over a messily buttoned-up shirt, and instantly recognized it was harry.

you open the door a bit more excited than you expected yourself to, and are completely in awe of the man in front of you. messy hair, his glasses back on, still wearing the wardrobe outfit without the suit jacket.

"harry," you greet him, smiling like an idiot. he smiles back. "[y/n], hey, um…" he takes a breath, seeming a bit nervous. "sorry i just dashed, i hate those contacts and had to put these back on," he jiggles the frames of his glasses from the the side, making you giggle. "well, i guess i can forgive you. only because i'm pro-glasses," you say with a smirk.

harry seems so nervous, he's constantly shifting his weight and his smile isn't reaching his eyes.

"well, um, i just wanted to say, y'know, thank you for trusting me today…i know it wasn't easy but you did really, really well," his smile is so sweet, and his eyes are incredibly kind. you swear he's trying to get you to swoon.

"thank you, harry, but you made it incredibly easy to trust you…" you say with a small smile. "and it went a lot better than i was expecting." you say with a laugh.

harry cracks a smile. "yeah, same here. i actually wouldn't have minded it at all minus the cameras and audience." harry tries to joke with you, but his nerves are still overpowering his voice. is he joking, or does he feel the same way you felt shooting that scene?

smirking, you lean on the doorway of your dressing room. "i don't know, part of me thinks the audience part is kinda hot…mostly terrifying and vomit-inducing, but…" you joke back with him. he tries to laugh with you but he looks a little shocked by your statement.

"but, i agree. i didn't mind it at all." you say with a tone of seduction. you try to analyze harry to understand how he's feeling, what he's thinking, and why he's so nervous to be talking to you after everything you just did. yeah, maybe you shouldn't be playfully flirting with a coworker, but he started it…

there's a few moments of silence between you exchanging nervous glances with each other. you somewhat enjoy watching harry squirm like this under your gaze, after being so calm and collected on set it's pretty funny to see him fall apart with just you and him.

"uh, look…" harry finally breaks the silence, looking at the ground before making resistant eye contact. "[y/n], i know i said i was a big fan, um…" he's sweating, and he can't stop shifting his weight.

"but, i was just wondering, since, y'know, now we work together for a bit, maybe, um…"

god. he's so cute. is he really nervous to ask you to hang out after having practically having sex on camera? you can't take it anymore. you don't care if you're working together, you need him.

you grab harry and pull him into your dressing room, closing the door and locking it before turning to him and practically forcing him into a kiss.

harry's a bit stunned, quite a bit, but he quickly begins kissing back. the performance kiss was nothing compared to this. he's somehow an even better kisser when it's just the two of you.

this time, you're pushing harry into the wall next to the door. you smile up at him between making out. "this feels familiar." you say with a smirk. harry nervously lets out a laugh before immediately pulling you back in for the kiss.

the tension that's been built between you guys for the last 3 hours is finally being released, your hands exploring as you slowly take off the other's clothes. unlike the acting you were just doing, you're both gentle with each other and take your time to carefully take the other's clothes off. you're admiring harry's body as his shirt comes off, throwing it to the side. you're mesmerized by his neck and shoulders.

harry takes a moment to admire you, his hand on your cheek as he moves a strand of hair out of your face. your heart couldn't have been beating louder. something about these small, intimate moments with him between the heavy kissing and touching actually makes you more nervous. it was one thing to just be physically attracted to him, but the soft kiss he gave you during the break between filming and now this gentle moment between making out had your mind racing with questions but wanting nothing more than to just keep going.

"harry…" you sigh, examining his face while he looks down at you. "[y/n]...this is like a dream come true…" he whispers softly. the genuine look in his eye has your stomach twisting knots. "i never thought an on-screen kiss could feel like that…" you respond just as quietly.

his smile's real this time, no nerves, no looking away, just admiring you with the most loving smile. "don't tell robert, but, um, i wasn't acting out there. that was harry kissing [y/n]," harry tells you with a chuckle. you feel yourself smiling like an idiot and suppress your laugh. "yeah, i could tell," you say with a smirk.

harry pulls you in to kiss again, and your hands go to his chest. standing on your toes, you push your body further into his, moaning into harry's mouth as his hands find their way to your waist and hold onto you firmly.

"fuck," he practically whimpers, his hands sliding down your hips and eventually to your ass. he squeezes it roughly and causes you to gasp. "i want you." he states simply, staring you in the eyes again. "i don't care if we get in trouble, i'll take the fall. i just, fuck, i need you [y/n], please…" harry breathlessly begs you, his hands making the way under your shirt and up your back.

"we're just working on our chemistry," you respond, helping him pull off your shirt. he groans at your mutual eagerness and his lips attach to your neck and chest, leaving plenty of bite marks as you tangle your hands in harry's fringe again.

letting moans slip out of your mouth without a second thought, your body is responding to harry like it never has with anyone before. everything you've done with someone before him has felt so mild and mechanical, but harry was so naturally passionate with you. you're not sure if it's because he's always been attracted to you or if you just really, really find yourself attracted to him…

eventually harry's lips find your own again, and his hands begin to explore. he runs his fingers over your bra straps as he traces your back, sending shivers all over your skin. smiling into the kiss, he's loving the effect he has on you. harry slowly unclasped your bra and you let it fall to the floor, his hands already replacing it as he massages your tits.

your hands make their way down to his pants, pulling at the waistband only slightly before harry immediately unbuttons them for you, helping you push them before he separates the kiss and kicks off his pants entirely. you steal a glance down and see his erection. "i've had this since that first kiss, need you so bad" harry's voice rumbles.

you take your pants off as well, with harry's assistance, and he pulls at the waistband of your panties. "fuck, everything about you is so beautiful," harry admits before attaching his lips to yours sloppily. the kissing becomes needy, messy, and secondary to you groping each other roughly.

harry spins you around so you're now against the wall as he begins kissing down your body. the cold wall makes your skin shiver again, the visual of harry slowly getting to his knees in front of you making your mind spin.

he looks up at you for just a second above his glasses and your heart can barely take it, how can someone be so adorable yet so incredibly sexy and seductive at the same time?

eventually harry's mouth finds its way to your panties, softly kissing your pussy through them as you squirm under his touch. quiet whimpering and frustrated hip thrusts let harry know you need more, and he slowly pulls the fabric to the side.

you're in a complete state of ecstasy watching harry eat you out from above. his eyes are softly closed as he gets lost in licking and sucking on your clit. his hands go to your legs as he lifts one of your thighs over his shoulder, getting a better angle.

you're full on moaning now, not afraid to let harry know just how good he's making you feel. you can't remember a time where someone was this eager to eat your pussy, solely giving you pleasure. you can feel yourself getting wetter against harry's lips and blush at just how desperately your body's craving him.

"harry, fuck," you whimper, your hands returning to his hair as you begin to slowly grind down onto his face. harry is completely accepting of this, moaning as you stuff his face further into you. his moans send shockwaves through your body, gasping as you feel the tension building in your body.

harry looks up at you, his eyes full of lust and barely open as he continues to make out with your pussy. you can hardly stand the erotic sight before you as he watches your body react so well to him.

"fuck, harry, keep looking at me like that and i'm gonna cum," you teasingly scold him. you can see the smile in his eyes as he backs away, his chin and lips soaking wet. your body goes cold, missing his touch, and your climax fades away.

he quickly wipes his face with his hand before standing up and going back in to kiss you. you moan as the taste and smell of you is all over him. his hands go to your weakening legs and he lifts you up without breaking a sweat. you gasp and look down, seeing he already took off his boxers as he holds you against the wall. you look back in his eyes and they're so much darker than you remember, the bright green now a haunting emerald as he searches yours.

"i need you," he growls, the complete opposite of his usually gentle nature. you can't hold back your moan, something about his desperation makes you crave him so badly. you've never felt so wanted or loved by a partner.

"need you," is all you can say before you kiss him again, tongues instantly entangled. he takes this chance to use one hand to stroke himself, your legs wrapped around his body as he continues to hold you against the wall.

as harry's slowly pushing into you, your body envelopes him and embraces the pleasure. he's slowly thrusting up into you, his eyes completely fixated on your face as you fall into bliss. you can't get the words out, but harry feels so perfect inside of you. it's everything you've been wanting since he gave you that loving kiss on set.

harry's pace stays slow and torturous until he begins groaning and thrusting more desperately. "holy fuck, [y/n], you feel so fucking good," harry's head falls into your chest, his heavy breaths hitting your skin. the only sound you can make are your pathetic whimpers, your head thrown back against the wall.

harry starts sweating as he holds you against the wall, his legs getting weaker along with his arms. despite that, his thrusts become quicker and more hungry as his hand finds its way to your pussy. your whimpers turn into moans as harry brings you closer to your orgasm. his head lifts to look at you as you reconnect your lips, forcing your tongue in his mouth.

you can feel that knot in your stomach tightening, your hands finding harry's shoulders for something to hold onto. his exasperated breaths and gasps against your lips only turn you on even more. even at his weakest moment he's doing everything possible to make sure your pleasure and comfort comes first.

"harry, harry, i'm gonna cum," you say between kissing, your arms wrapping around his neck. "please, baby, please," harry groans eagerly, pushing your body further into the wall and thrusting even deeper into you. you can barely wait a moment before letting yourself go, burying your head into harry's neck as you call his name. harry's breathing is completely ragged as you squeeze around his cock, loving the way your body feels against his as you begin shaking.

it's not long into your climax that harry slows down, his hips stuttering before pulling out at the last second and letting his cum drip to the floor, his head falling into your shoulder as well.

you let yourself down from harry's grasp, your legs barely able to keep you up. harry steadies you, chuckling, his reassuring hands on your arms. "okay?" he asks breathlessly. you look up at him, his face is completely drenched and flushed as he stares at you lovingly. "yeah, fine," you say with a smile, using the wall to balance yourself.

you and harry stare at each other for a bit before going in to kiss each other again. it feels so natural, like you've been kissing him your whole life. the butterflies come rushing back. even after having sex with harry you still feel so attracted to him in a nervous, crush-like way.

after getting dressed harry offers his phone to you, asking for your number. you set your contact's name to your character's in the movie, and it leaves harry blushing. he's smiling at you for just a moment before he envelopes you in a hug. warm, comforting, and completely safe, you lean into his touch and don't want to let go.

with some flirtatious remarks and a promise to meet up tomorrow for a date, harry's leaving your dressing room in a barely buttoned up shirt and messy hair. you watch him disappear down the hall before closing your door, hardly able to believe you're already so smitten with the costar you only met earlier that day.

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becomingthatgirl111 · 4 months

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stop comparing yourself

i have been dealing with this for years. somehow i think we are programmed to think that the other person is better than us, in whatever aspect and we end up putting ourselves down and this is due to lack of self-esteem.

the reality is that it's all about perspective. you may think that the other person is much smarter, prettier or whatever better than you, but that person may have a totally different perspective of themselves and see those qualities that you admire in them in others. that's why it's an absurd reason to compare yourself to other people.

another reason why we should stop doing it is because it doesn't help us to improve ourselves because as i have already mentioned it makes us feel inferior to others and if we want to be our best version we have to stop doing it and focus on ourselves.

it is not worth comparing yourself with other people because everyone lives their own life and you don't know what that person has gone through to get to the point where they are now and you are also capable of achieving it. the only thing that prevents you from doing it is yourself and your negative thoughts about yourself.

negative thoughts can be changed by identifying them and not paying attention to them. at the beginning, it seems a complicated task but when your ideas have started to change and you have another mentality it is easier to do it. every time you compare yourself to yourself use the affirmation "i accept and approve of myself" say this repeatedly in your head until those thoughts go away. try it.

it is also important to recognize since when you compare yourself and why you do it. maybe it was a behavior you learned as a child, your parents or someone made you do it, maybe you tend to be very perfectionist with yourself. but all this comes from a lack of love in ourselves and when we identify it, it will be much easier to start the healing process.

it doesn't matter how other people are, if it helps you, take them as inspiration but the important thing here is to focus on yourself.

so my tips would be:

recognize when you feel this way and why.

write down how you would like to feel about this situation, if necessary also write down how it makes you feel every time you compare yourself to someone else and what you think about yourself at these moments.

every time you have a negative thought about yourself repeat the affirmation "i accept and approve of myself".

do activities that make you feel good and help you connect with the best version of yourself.

read, listen to podcasts, watch videos about personal growth. do research, don't just stick to the basics.

put into practice little by little what you are learning from all this new content that your mind is absorbing.

talk to yourself beautifully in front of the mirror, it can be that same affirmation or meditate in front of the mirror with a video of positive affirmations.

stop paying so much attention to other people's lives and focus on your own.

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milkywayes · 5 months

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Thinking about Garrus again and how much I appreciate his character, his development, his search for perspective and how it shapes his relationship with Shepard.

He always wants to do the Right Thing, as in Achieve X Positive End Goal, but the way there is so murky to him. So tough to navigate, to visualize. He likes when it's clear and when it's simple, but it simply never fucking is, so he has to Think It Through. And he simply cannot trust anyone else to do the thinking for him. He can't trust them to value the Right Thing as much as he does. He can't trust them to want it as badly.

and then, ENTER SHEPARD STAGE LEFT, and finally he finds someone that he can trust. With all of it. He can Tell she wants it just as badly, but the difference is, she seems to also have an idea of how to get there.

I've seen people complain that he has no backbone and just agrees with whatever Shepard says, and it's like… they don't get it. He needs someone in his life who he can trust to think things through with him, to meet him where he's at and to engage in good faith. She is the Only person he would ever cede to, the only authority he'll accept, because she has proven herself to care just as much as he cares.

(As a side note, that's also how I view his infamous elevator talks. He's not approaching these conversations closed-mindedly even if his word choice is often lacking or people take offense to his straight-forwardness. As I said, the path is murky for him. He's asking because he genuinely wants to know. He's practically desperate for another point of view. He wants to understand.)

He's the only character who constantly asks Shepard for her opinion on things, on morality issues and approaches and how she'd navigate all the little pitfalls that line the road to Justice. And over the games he recognizes that even this lofty end goal is anything but simple, and it's shaped by how they get there. He doesn't talk these things through with her just to follow her direction like a soldier following orders. Him accepting her response, no matter what it is, is him respecting her so much and believing so much in her true desire for achieving Justice - it's not blanket agreeing with her.

This happens so often in ME3: he'll ask, and she'll respond, and he will accept her answer without judgement, but you never hear him say "you're so right, o my moral compass". He's just mapping the path that's ahead, and he takes her opinion as much into account as his own, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have his own or that it always aligns with hers. He wants the full picture, and at that point, he is humble enough to know that his opinion is subjective, so he needs more points of view and more intel, and there is none that he values more than Shepard's.

But it's not all for himself. They're both stuck in the same, horrible situation. He's asking her, and in turn she has to think about it and really consider all the pitfalls he's already identified but isn't sure how to approach. He's a safe sounding board for her. They think it through together, her as this unstoppable force towards the Right Thing, him as the one in the sniper's perch who sights the path ahead and calls out to her when there's a wall before she can run head-first into it. In the end, they're two people united in their striving for the same thing, two halves of a well-oiled machine. No Shepard without Vakarian.

#mass effect #garrus vakarian #this applies in literally any context romance or no romance #but i'll tag it anyway #shakarian #fuck I'm just so obsessed with him.#so many people completely misunderstand where he's coming from #and it's a little sad but it's okay because at least Shepard gets it #she always gets him #who's mshep never heard of him btw #milky.txt

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nayatarot777 · 11 months

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what you need to know right now ~ messages from your guides

if you’d like a personal reading, then see info here

subscribe to the patreon if you’re interested in daily messages from spirit, weekly pac readings for “the week ahead”, exclusive extended readings to the tumblr PACs, exclusive pac readings - such as 18+ and love pac readings - new moon + full moon readings, plus more. i’m on there everyday, just doing my thing 😂

• pile one •

cards: king of cups, knight of wands, judgement

you’re currently completing the current phase of your spiritual awakening. you’re now stepping into new and heightened awareness with a renewed mind and maybe even a whole new identity. you could be trying to chase after more consciousness and more knowledge to have more awareness about yourself and your reality, but you don’t seem to be realising that you’ve already reached the level of awareness that you set the intentions of having in the past. you could be impulsively seeking answers to things, but the answers lie within how you feel. because your feelings are connected to your intuition. the answers that you’re looking for cannot be found externally at this point. you can’t learn the answers from someone else, or from any body of work or text. you can only give yourself the answer, meaning that being lead by how you feel is what’s needed to finalise this particular spiritual awakening that you’re almost done with, but you could feel disconnected from your intuition or your feelings. that’s the last challenge that you have to focus on: listening to how you feel emotionally and within your body - especially when you think about certain people or remember particular things. you could have a tendency to ignore your feelings or gaslight yourself out of feeling the way that you do. but that’s where you’re going to get your guidance from. you’ve endured a rebirth which definitely wasn’t easy, but i feel like you’re really ascending into your true self. you’ve done a lot of shadow work, and invested a lot of energy into overcoming your own battles which is why your perspective of life is going to shift drastically. meaning that your reality is greatly shifting too. and this will create a state of internal peace and relaxation. but, again, only after you practice feeling. you can’t feel peace if you can’t feel anything to begin with. if you’re emotionally numb, confused, or overwhelmed. you feel how you feel. period. you don’t need anybody’s permission to feel how you feel. if your feelings don’t make sense to others then whatever. you know why you feel the way that you do. you’ve come a very long way in your personal development. you’ve done an extremely good job - keep going! 👏🏾👏🏾

extra message: the universe has heard your call. any behaviours and actions that you may judge yourself for needs to be accepted. not excused, but understood. give yourself more compassion than you are currently. the universe is trying to show you unconditional love but that can only happen when you’re able to feel that and give that towards yourself. that’s when you’ll be able to accept everything that the universe wants to bring to you.

• pile two •

cards: 9 of wands, the fool, queen of cups

you’ve either begun - or are about to begin - a new journey of healing. accepting that you need to heal from some things and stepping out of your emotional comfort zone. you may have a lot of boundaries up around you. and that’s a way to protect your emotions - but it’s keeping you stagnant because the way in which you’re putting boundaries up is a way that you’ve outgrown. i’m seeing that a lot of you have escaped from someone who was a threat to you. someone extremely dark and full of anger - or maybe even rage. for others of you, this could be about you running away from your own shadow. but i’m seeing that you’re reaching the point where you feel like you can’t stay stuck in the same place any longer, and so you need to just take a leap of faith when it comes to acknowledging, feeling, and accepting your shadow. for those of you who haven’t yet managed to get away from whoever this dark ass person is in your life, a new beginning is definitely coming. i heard “a new escape” whatever that means for you. there’s also something about rejecting intuitive messages that you’re receiving about someone who’s being extremely shady around you. spirit’s telling you to stop doubting yourself. just trust yourself for once and protect your energy. don’t let anyone or anything sway you away from what you know intuitively. you’re extremely spiritually protected and it’s okay to focus on feeling again. feeling calm, feeling your raw emotions, and accepting the way that you feel without emotional suppression. maybe someone in your life has taught you that your emotions are a burden. but you’re shedding this conditioning from yourself. i’m proud of you, pile two. celebrate yourself and your achievement 👏🏾🥳

• pile three •

cards: the hierophant, the world, judgement

whatever this message is about, it’s a big deal. all 3 of your cards are major arcana. a very big deal.

you’re realising something about your perspective on the world. something about traditional values, or societal norms - maybe related to work and abundance in particular. i’m hearing that your perception of abundance is shifting from physical abundance to energetic abundance. you’re realising that you’re someone who is already rich and wealthy in multiple ways. spiritually. i’m hearing that you’re gonna feel like you’ve “beaten the matrix” when you fully come to this realisation 😂. the realisation that physical abundance reflects the abundance that you have and that you acknowledge energetically. you’re also realising that you’re being given some type of responsibility related to your purpose here in the world. a lot of you could be coming to realise what you feel like your actual purpose is, due to something that makes you feel so fulfilled. and as you follow this purpose, you’re going to realise how finding abundance and value in the work that you do in this world is leading to the world being given to you. this could actually lead you to breaking out of a creative block. you’re entering such a creative period in your life where you co-create with spirit. you’re reaching the answers to questions that you’ve had for a long time - what am i supposed to do? what am i doing here? what is my purpose here? i’m so happy for you, pile 3!!! i’m hearing happy squealing from your guides 😭 they’re celebrating. it’s so cute ☺️

#pick a card #psychic readings #pick a photo #pac #tarot reading #tarot #pick a picture #pac reading #naya tarot collective

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gacha99 · 3 months

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Thinking about how Shamane and Kaalaa's stories are both about the acceptance of nature in different ways. Shamane has to learn about the rules of actual nature and the wild, and has to learn to live with it rather than go against it. While Kaalaa has to accept the true nature of a person she's known for most of her life, and how she has to stop ignoring all of the obvious signs pointing to this person being kind of terrible to not only the people around her but herself.

They were both willing to close their eyes to what was in front of them, because deep down they're both stubborn individuals, but they learn to slowly overcome that through extreme adversity. For Kaalaa she was already an extremely humble person, something that Kumar lacked incredibly, so the thing she earns from her experience isn't a new perspective on life, it's a bittersweet realization where she finally comes to terms with the fact that the person she has loved for all of her life was never the kind of person she wanted them to so desperately be. And in a way she gets to properly grieve this person who has by all means been dead for years (not literally but you know what I mean, like the idea that she built of Kumar had died when she was a child and she hadn't realized it and yeah-)

Shamane and Kaalaa are very similar in this regard, and I love all of their interactions in the Mor Pankh event. They have so much in common like the way their stories are so similar and the way it makes me just think more about this one month long event (Mor Pankh is my favorite event so far can you tell)

#journey to mor pankh #kaalaa baunaa #shamane #reverse 1999 #re1999

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vivalas-vega · 1 month

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match // new perspectives universe // jake 'hangman' seresin x reader

heyooo - i'm back from the dead - it's been a while since we've seen these two and for this one we're going back in time !! this is kind of a rewrite of something that’s already happened in the main chapters 🤭 i haven't written jake and jupiter in what feels like forever so this feels rusty to me lol but hopefully you enjoy!

match // new perspectives universe // jake 'hangman' seresin x reader

add yourself to my taglist

part of my new perspectives series !! it will make a lot more sense if you're caught up on these two:

prologue - one - two - three - four - five - six - seven - eight - nine

word count: 4.8k

warnings: language, mention of alcohol, college/med school/residency inaccuracies (I didn't go to college and it shows lol any and all knowledge on any of this comes from tiktok or greys anatomy)

Sitting at your vanity (if you could even call a plastic set of drawers with a handheld mirror duct taped to the back a vanity) you briefly thought to yourself that you should be excited… and you were, for the most part. Today was one of those days that marked the start of a new chapter. You’d been lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you looked at it) to have had a few of these already… first opening your acceptance letter into college, then med school, and now you were getting ready to find out where you had been matched for residency.

The excitement and nerves you were feeling were subdued because really the only thing you could focus on was the fact that the only person you wanted here wasn’t… and you didn’t know where he was. He could have been on a ship halfway across the world or at a base a handful of hours away but in the end it didn’t really matter much… he wasn’t here, and that was just part of the deal. You knew what this was long before it got to this point, and that point was only accentuated by the floppy haired boy walking into your dorm just as you stood from your spot in front of the window to change.

“Well, don’t you just look darling,” he teased and on another day you might have laughed… struck a pose and had a witty comeback, something about ratty college tees and soffe shorts being on all the runways these days, but it wasn’t another day. It was today and your future was hinging on something written in an envelope waiting for you across campus and this boy wasn’t the one you wanted teasing you today.

You undressed and stood with your back to him, a silent request for him to help zip your dress and he obliged just as quietly. There was an expiration date on you and Matt, this much you knew… but the way his fingers trailed down your arm and the lingering question he’d been asking all month told you he wasn’t on the same page. He had a vision for his life, one that very much included you and perhaps you felt a little guilty for continuing to keep him in your orbit but the more logical part of you reminded you that the vision you had for your life had been set in stone long before he showed up. He saw residency right here in California, with you by his side. He saw you switching your area of focus to general medicine, something less demanding to create room for starting a family, something you’d do within the next few years. You hadn’t had the heart yet to tell him that sounded like your own personal hell.

Your vision was Boston, in a cutthroat surgical residency program before moving on to whatever hospital offered the best fellowship for your chosen specialty… that was the one area of your life you’d yet to nail down. Most of your peers pursuing the surgical route knew what they wanted to focus on, some vying for cardio or neuro, others trauma or general but not you. That was the one thing you were leaving up to fate, deciding to instead let yourself make that decision a few years into residency… and if that fellowship happened to come along where the boy you missed more than anything was stationed? Well, you wouldn’t be one to complain. The vision didn’t include Matt, it never did.

And so, as you turned to face him with a tight smile you wanted more than anything to tell him this was over, that it would be best to head into residency as individuals but then you saw that look on his face and you couldn’t do it right now… not right before finding out whether or not you were getting everything you’d spent the last eight years working towards (seven for you, but you wouldn’t point that out to him anymore than you already had). You’d wait until after, even if that meant walking into the ceremony with someone you had already decided you wouldn’t be seeing after today.

“Hey, did you guys get settled okay?” you asked your parents as you set your bag down on the table and exchanged quick hugs. You’d already seen them this morning when they’d arrived and they’d decided to give you a little space to get ready.

“Your mother has taken photos of about a dozen things at the hotel, taking notes for our upcoming remodel which… I was just informed of this morning,” your dad said and you laughed. Matt said his hellos before going off to find his own parents and you rolled your eyes at the look your dad fixed you with. “He’s still around?”

“Oh hush,” you replied. Your purse started ringing and you fished around lip gloss and old flashcards to find your phone, immediately feeling more settled at the voice on the other end.

“Hey you,” Jake said and you actually let out a sigh of relief. “How are you feeling?”

“Oh me? You know, cool as a cucumber. Not freaking out at all,” you answered with a small laugh and he just chuckled.

“Of course not, not like there’s anything big going on today.”

“Definitely not, just a normal day around here,” you said.

“I just wanted to call and tell you to breathe, because you forget to do that sometimes-”

“I do not-”

“Yes you do, and to remind you that no matter where you end up you’re going to be just fine.”

“Thank you,” you said softly. “I know you can’t say where you are but I hope you’re flying safe today,” you added.

“Always do, sweetheart. I’ll call you tonight, yeah?”

“You better.” you said with a smile as you hung up and put your phone on silent just as the announcer gave the two minute warning. You could practically feel the rising tension in the room, a mix of nervous excitement and pure dread. So many fates contained within tiny envelopes and as you picked yours up you found the whole notion of this rather silly. You felt bad for anyone who got news they didn’t want today, having to find out in a room full of people celebrating and you prayed to a god you weren’t sure you even believed in you wouldn’t be one of them.

“I think I’m going to, uh…” you started, looking at your parents and then back at the envelope in your hand. “I’m going to just take a minute and open it myself, if that’s okay?” you asked hesitantly and they nodded.

“Whatever you want, honey,” your mom replied and you turned around as the announcer told everyone to open them. You took a deep breath, because you did forget to breathe in times of stress, and with shaking hands practically ripped the envelope apart to pull out a folded piece of paper… a piece of paper that you hoped contained two specific words.

Massachusetts General.

Your shaking hands persisted as you read and reread what was right in front of you. Massachusetts General. You blinked and read again, did it really say that? Massachusetts General.

“Oh my god-” you started as you turned around to show your parents with the paper facing outwards but they were gone. Really they’d only stepped a few feet to the side but they, and everyone else in the room, may as well have disappeared because all you could focus on was him, standing right there in front of you in his dress whites looking so proud as he read the words in your hands that quickly fell to the floor in shock. “Jake?” you asked so quietly, your mind still not catching up but it didn’t matter, in an instant you were launching yourself at him and he caught you with ease as you wrapped around him.

“Hey you,” he repeated his words from just a few minutes ago on the phone and you let out a sound that was mixed with a laugh and a sob as you clung to him. “You did it, I knew you would.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” you asked as you pulled away slightly to look down at him and he just beamed up at you.

“You didn’t really think I’d miss this, did you?” he replied and you just smiled, but it was quickly wiped away as you heard someone clear their throat behind you and you didn’t need to look to know who it was as you slid down Jake’s body to the floor and turned to see Matt, who was looking at the pair of you skeptically.

“Jake’s here,” he said, trying to muster some kind of enthusiasm but it fell flat, “yay.” You stifled a chuckle as you looked at him expectantly, “I matched here, what about you?” You knew what was coming as you took the paper your dad held out for you and Matt nodded softly when he read it. “I thought we talked about staying here for residency?” You didn’t miss the way Jake scoffed behind you, clearly disgusted that that was the first thing out of his mouth.

“You talked about it, Matt… I was always clear about my goals.” you said firmly. “But this is what we’ve both been working for. Congratulations, really,” you said, wrapping him in a tight but quick hug. “Go, celebrate with your family. I’ll see you at the party later.” you finished, nudging him off and when you turned around Jake was giving you the most unimpressed look.

“Don’t even, I will not be seeing him at the party later, if you must know.”

“Is that so?” he asked with a smirk and you rolled your eyes as he chuckled.

“Congratulations, sweetheart,” your mom said, pulling you in for a hug.

“We’re so proud of you,” your dad added, pressing a kiss to the top of your head and you went to respond, to thank them for everything they’ve done for you but they didn’t give you the chance. “Go celebrate and spend time together, and have fun at the party tonight.”

“What? No, you guys flew all this way… I thought we could go out for dinner-”

“Hush, you two have some catching up to do,” your mom replied. “Besides, I think whatever celebrations you get up to tonight are best kept from us,” she added with a knowing smile and you tried to fight your own.

“We’ll do breakfast, just the four of us like old times… but we won’t wake you too early,” your dad said and you watched as Jake gave them hugs before they slipped away.

When they left he turned to look at you, all pride and adoration, and you flushed under his gaze as you gave him a look that said what? “You fucking did it, Jupiter.”

“I fucking did it,” you replied, your laughter bright and uncontrollable as he lifted you from the ground and spun you around.

“How’d he take it?” Jake asked as you entered your dorm, and you chuckled as you took him in, sprawled out across your bed, one leg hanging off the side because he simply didn’t fit.

“About as well as could be expected,” you said and he laughed as he sat up.

“So… not well at all?” He laughed again when you nodded. “Tell me about this party we’re going to.”

“It’s pretty standard, I expect things will go as they always do with a campus party… just a little more celebratory with a slight drinking to numb the pain vibe from some.”

He nodded, “all your friends got what they were hoping for?”

“For the most part… a few didn’t get exactly what they wanted but that’s kind of how it goes… matching is about a little bit of hard work and a shit ton of luck.”

“So, I’m guessing dress whites aren’t the vibe for tonight?” he asked, watching as you discarded your jewelry onto your desk and you chuckled as you turned and walked towards him, stopping in between his legs.

“Not at all,” you said with a shake of your head and you laughed again as he pouted and rested his hands on the backs of your thighs. “But they were a nice touch, you look very official and handsome,” you added on, hoping to turn his frown upside down.

And you did, he looked up at you with that same look he’d given you in the event hall. “I know you know this, but I really am so fucking proud of you, J,” he said and you softly smiled, feeling crimson creep onto your cheeks and you quickly diverted, trying to break some of the intimacy of the moment by pulling the hat from his head and plopping it on your own.

“Well, you should be, cowboy,” you said, stepping back and grabbing two beers from the mini fridge that doubled as a nightstand, handing one to him and he looked at you expectantly as you both cracked them open. “Because your best friend got into the fucking brig,” you said as you clinked the cans together and he let out a few cheers before taking a generous gulp.

He stayed by your side as you got ready together, only engaging in a few quarrels due to the lack of space that only got smaller when your roommate Katie showed up, and you couldn’t help your amusement as the two of them got on each other's last nerves. Their relationship was very akin to that of siblings, they’d scream at each other through the phone on facetimes when the other was pulling too much of your attention and on the rare visits Jake managed she’d spend the whole trip pouting about how no one else existed when he was here.

“Are we not going to this party together, Katie?” you said, interrupting her latest spiel about Jake’s evilness, as she put it, and she held her hands up in surrender as you laughed. She put on a good show but you knew she liked having Jake around, it meant she got to see more of her favorite version of you… party Jupiter. And party Jupiter was in full effect as you strolled down the street lined with fraternity houses. The parties you attended these days were typically on the other side of campus and not quite as rowdy, you couldn’t even remember the last time you’d been down here but it had been negotiated that the frats held parties for the med students this year, to give you all one more truly college party before everyone went their separate ways into a new journey of adulthood.

“You’ve been here before, right?” you asked Jake as you watched him mix you a drink and he nodded.

“Mmhm, your third year of undergrad,” he answered and you snorted.

“Oh god, yeah,” you briefly reminisced on that party, one with no cause, and the shocked look on Jake’s face most of the night. As it turned out, you had actually been understating just how much Stanford kids like to party that day on the phone all those years ago. You mingled with Jake in tow, socializing with friends you hadn’t seen since the beginning of the year to due rotations and interviews across the country, and really emphasizing the fact that you wouldn’t see each other for a number of years after tonight in your drunken states much to Jake’s amusement.

You weren’t much of an emotional drunk but that didn’t seem to be the case tonight… Probably something about the finality of it all, going from college to med school didn’t seem like a huge transition for you because you stayed in the same place, but this was different. After graduation next week you’d be packing up and moving across the country, to somewhere that couldn’t be more different than where you were, and you would officially be a doctor.

Jake watched as you let loose, cackling with friends about professors or that one time you stole a dozen mice because you couldn’t bear the thought of them being used for research (and you maintained that you’d been in the right each time it was brought up). The last time he’d come to visit you’d been so entrenched in your coursework he actually became worried, watching you study for hours on end from your bed as he realized this is what your life was. You’d always done a good job at completing everything before he arrived so you could focus on the fun but that visit just wasn’t the case… There were exams to prep for and applications to be sent out and interviews to be scheduled, and all he could do was half-heartedly read a book he’d plucked from your shelf about internal medicine and force you to come up for air every now and again.

But this time was completely different, there was nothing to worry about because you were done. You’d gotten to the end of your journey here at Stanford and were in that blissful reprieve period where there truly was nothing to fret over, and it simultaneously warmed Jake’s heart and broke it to see. On one hand, you were finally getting a true break after years of achingly hard work… but on the other that break would only last a few days before you went into a tizzy packing to move cross country and start your residency. He knew you were happy, and that you would be happy in Boston but he also knew things were only about to get harder, and that a few days of true relief weren’t enough.

Granted, this wasn’t how you felt, despite the fact that as you downed your drink and chatted with Katie about her upcoming move to Nashville you had no idea this was going through his head… you felt nothing but joy knowing that you got to spend the next few days with Jake before diving into your future. Residency is what you feel you’d waited your whole life for. You did the hard stuff, you laid the foundation and stuffed your nose in a book for years and now you were finally going to be able to do.

“I think I might actually miss these parties,” you said as you sat down by the edge of the pool with a sigh, unclasping your heels and actually moaning in relief as you dipped your feet into the cool water and Jake chuckled beside you.

“I find that shocking considering that after that one your third year you said you never wanted to set foot on this block again.”

“I’ve grown, things have changed,” you protested which coaxed another laugh from him. “God, I can’t believe I’m leaving this place soon. It almost feels like just yesterday I showed up here with nothing but a suitcase and a dream. And you! Mr. Top Gun graduate,” you added, nudging him playfully.

“Don’t let Coyote hear you, he’ll bust my chops even more than he already has.”

“I miss Coyote,” you said, leaning your head on his shoulder. “Are you going home for Christmas this year?” you asked and this took him slightly by surprise, considering it was spring and he didn’t expect you to be looking forward to anything other than residency.

“I don’t think so… the way it lines up I’d have to fly in on Christmas Eve and leave the day after… I think the short trips make my mom sadder than me not going home at all.”

“They do,” you said. “For my parents too. I don’t know why but they do. What do you think about me coming to you this year? If you’re on base.”

“I think that sounds perfect,” he replied, turning to press a kiss on the top of your head. “I’m sorry I can’t stay for graduation,” he said and you lifted your head to shake it, waving your hand dismissively.

“Truthfully I don’t care about graduation, it’s more for my parents and yours. This was the important one,” you replied, giving him a warm smile. “I still can’t believe you pulled off surprising me. How long have you known you’d be able to make it?”

“Since you first told me the day,” he answered and your eyes widened as you hit his chest.

“You asshole! You made me think you couldn’t come and this was your plan all along? I was really sad, you know.”

He let out a loud laugh, “yeah, I know. But it was worth it! The look on your face was priceless.”

“You’re unbelievable,” you muttered.

“Had to get you back for my tap out ceremony somehow,” he pointed out and you sighed, because he did have a point.

“That’s fair. Though, I could argue that it was a surprise for me as well, mine was not premeditated.”

“To-mato to-mato,” he replied. “So, when do you make the big move?”

“Well, tomorrow you’ll be helping me scout apartments, tough part is I’ll have to pick a place sight unseen so we’re going to have to be very thorough in our search and then hopefully I’ll be out there within three weeks… My program starts in four.”

“Unless a last minute deployment pops up, I think I can meet you out there… help you get settled and all that.”

“Really?” you asked, eyes wide and full of hope as you beamed up at him and he chuckled, knowing you were definitely drunk right now. “Seeing you twice in one month? I don’t think we’ve gotten that lucky since we were teenagers.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” he said with a suggestive raise of his eyebrows and you were startled by your own laugh, not expecting the turn in conversation.

“That’s right, forgot I was talking to Hangman, eternal stud.” you joked. Briefly you thought joking about it should sting, and deep down maybe it did a little, but this was the first time it’s come up and the sting wasn’t the first thing you noticed.

“You haven’t done so bad for yourself either,” he said and you just gave him a deadpan glare.

“Really? You think Matt was making me feel lucky every time?” you asked and he went through the same range of emotions. He thought it should hurt, and it did somewhere deep down, but it wasn’t the first thing he noticed.

“He wasn’t? Then what was the point?” he exclaimed and you hid your face in embarrassment.

“Oh, I don’t know! Truthfully it spiraled and I didn’t have time for anything else so…” you trailed off before letting out a groan. “Oh god, I’m a terrible person.”

“Now, how did we end up there?” he asked, brows furrowing in confusion at your statement.

“I knew all along I’d dump him right about now, how awful to not do it so much sooner.”

He shrugged, “maybe… but knowing you he did get lucky every time so don’t feel too bad. Broken heart or not he reached the mountaintop, good for him.”

“That’s a better, if not slightly twisted, way of looking at things.” you mused, resting your head on his shoulder again.

“Tired?” he asked and you nodded. “Don’t quite have the stamina of an undergrad anymore?”

“Shut up,” you said. “It’s been an emotional day.”

“Wanna go home?” he asked and you nodded, allowing yourself to be pulled up and you awkwardly shook your leg over the pool to rid yourself of excess water, to which he just shook his head in amusement.

You spent the walk back towards your dorm lost in conversation, giggling about nothing in particular and squealing when he picked you up and tossed you over his shoulder, “Jake! I’m too drunk, don’t make me hurl,” you laughed but he didn’t seem to care, carrying you like it was nothing until suddenly you were on the move again, sliding down to the ground with Jake’s firm hands on your waist to guide you. Your brows furrowed in confusion when you noticed you weren’t at your dorm but instead in front of a shiny car.

“I love Katie,” he started, but was cut off by the questioning look you gave him, “really, I do, but you didn’t really think I was crashing in your dorm, did you?” he asked and he did have a point… the last time he visited she was on rotation so he crammed himself onto her tiny bed and complained all the next day… there simply wasn’t anywhere for him to be this time around. “I have a hotel room a few blocks away, do you want to come stay with me? Or I can walk you back to your room,” he added the last part a little hurriedly and you chuckled, you thought you just caught a glimpse of a younger Jake… nervous and not wanting to overstep.

“Are you kidding me?” you asked, gesturing towards the door and he was quick to open it for you, “a night away from that thing they call a bed sounds like heaven.”

“And here I thought you just wanted to spend more time with me,” he said after walking around and getting in the driver’s side.

“Well, that’s certainly part of it… just not the main part,” you teased and he shook his head as he navigated towards his hotel and you looked over at him in amusement when you entered the parking lot. “Very fancy, Mr. Seresin,” you said as he opened the door for you and he extended his hand which you gladly took.

“Shut up and come on,” he replied and you did as you were told. Following him through the hotel and to the elevator, where they opened to reveal a cozy and beautifully decorated rooftop bar and you just looked over at him, eyes wide and questioning. “Tonight was a goodbye to your college life, and I thought what better way to end it than here, welcoming in this next chapter?”

“Jake…” you started, the lingering alcohol in your system still present enough to have you feeling a little more emotional than usual. You sat at a cozy loveseat positioned in front of a firepit and thanked the waiter when he brought over your cocktails, gin and tonic for you and something whiskey based for Jake.

“To you, Jupiter. You’ve worked so hard the past seven years, and you never once wavered when things got hard. You are nothing short of incredible, and being here with you right now, marking this occasion… it means a lot to me, and I’ll never stop being proud of you.” he said, and you felt your eyes well with tears that mirrored his own.

“Stop, you can’t cause then I’ll really lose it,” you warned, laughing softly as you wiped your cheeks. “Thank you… not just for saying that but for being you, and for being here. I was a wreck all morning and then I turned around and saw you and everything felt… settled. You being here means more than you know.” you said and you clinked your glasses together before taking a sip. “I’m really proud of us.” you said added a few moments of silence. “Do you remember the day we decided to break up?”

“Vividly,” he chuckled and you couldn’t help but laugh too.

“God, we were so young, with such big dreams… and going into it all so devastated… I wish we could go back and tell them it wouldn’t be for nothing, that we made it.”

“We did make it didn’t we?” he asked and you nodded, a smile creeping onto your face. He reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and you didn’t know if it was the weighty realization that seven years ago you broke each other’s hearts to pursue the dreams you’d just achieved or the alcohol or just the fact that you simply wanted to but you leaned forward and let your lips brush against his. Soft and questioning but he pressed forward and captured you in a searing kiss. Years of pent up emotion and love spilling out, and you smiled when he chased your lips as you pulled away.

You didn’t need to say anything, didn’t need to acknowledge any of it. You both knew it didn’t change anything, you both might have made it but only to the next stepping stone… it still wasn’t the time. You kissed him once more before scooting closer and resting your head on his shoulder, his arm wrapping around your waist as you just enjoyed the moment for what it was. A celebration of what was to come.

taglist: @mamaskillerqueen @clancycucumber230 @the-romanian-is-bae @alldaysdreamers @zzsloth @emma8895eb @novagreen04 @classyunknownlover @olliepig @purplevortexx @mayhemmanaged @ohgodnotagainn @smoothdogsgirl @swiftsgirlfriend @memoriesat30 @the-fandom-ness @midnightmagpiemama @shanimallina87 @tiredqueen73 @charles11700 @thegodessc @angelbabyange @failuretothrivestuff @wildxwidow @sp1rit-realm @grxcieluvr @alluringshawn @amatswimming @camilaricci @pinkpantheris @taytaylala12 @starcatcher48 @buck-nasty @misshoneypaper @waklman @4evinlovewithfictionalmen @devil-angel-winchester @callsignspirit @cruelmissdior @underaveragefangirl @camilaricci @nolita-fairytale @dempy @aviatorobsessed @pono-pura-vida @binnieslove @nik2blog @abaker74 @halstead-severide-fan @percysaidnever @memeorydotcom @eli2447 @dumb-fawkin-bitch @toobouquet @a-v-a123 @rae-you-gotta-be-kidding-me @86laura11 @justenoughmadnesss @yoonbutterfly (if your name is struck through it means I couldn't tag you - so sorry!)

#jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin fan fiction #jake seresin fanfiction #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin x you #jake hangman seresin fan fiction #jake hangman seresin fanfiction #hangman #hangman x reader #hangman x you #hangman fan fiction #hangman fanfiction #top gun maverick #top gun maverick fan fiction

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apollosgiftofprophecy · 3 months

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Hey I just wanted to ask you, what do you think of the fact that in ToA the fact that Apollo bullied Harpocrates was basically made up and has no basis in myths? I'm kinda conflicted, because I can get behind holding the deities accountable for the stuff they have done, but that one think was made up.

Hellooo <3

I have seen this as a common complaint about ToA. And yes, I see the view - it has no basis in the actual myths, and therefore shouldn't reflect on what actual mythological Apollo has done.

Buckle up. I've got some thoughts to share here.

There are a couple things to consider here:

The Camp Half-Blood Chronicles are not meant to be 100% accurate to the myths. Nor did Rick really intend to do so when he first created the series - after all, PJO started out as Haley's new bedtime story, and to give him a character he could relate to. That was the main goal of Rick's.

Does Rick do his best to stay true to the myths? I do think so. Sure, he trips up at times (details of the myths [ie, Midas was not the judge of the Apollo V Pan contest], characterizations of the gods [ie, Aphrodite & Ares), ect.) but all in all he does do his best to give us a well-rounded story that has Greek Mythology as its influence.

Because also remember - PJO started out as a story about the demigods, not the gods. If the gods had originally been Rick's focus instead, I think we would have a bit of a different tale.

So a bit of creative liberty can be taken here, especially since Rick basically decided 'all myths are true!' with his Kane Chronicles and Magnus Chase books - it makes sense, from a storytelling perspective, that (ToA) Apollo would have crossed paths with Harpocrates at some point.

With all honesty, the CHB Chronicles shouldn't even be taken as fact about the myths - about the gods. Because no mythological series is ever 100% accurate, and to assume they are is disrespectful to the culture these myths come from.

And continuing with the storytelling perspective...honestly I think it was a pretty interesting choice on Rick's end. It's not myth-accurate, but I think it does add more to the story Rick is telling us.

He's not using these gods to make them look bad, after all. He's using them to tell a story. To give us a message.

And ToA's mainly centers around abuse.

Zeus isn't an abuser in mythology, but Rick made him one in his books to show us how abuse works. How it can be difficult to accept that you have been abused.

How hard it can be to acknowledge the fact that you have caused pain yourself.

Because while it seems like Harpocrates would cause Apollo's whole character to take a bit of a dive (after all, nobody likes a bully, right? Who would!), I...disagree.

I think Harpocrates deepens Apollo's character.

Stick with me.

I have been bullied in school. Fourth grade and seventh grade in particular were Dreadful for me and in seventh grade I would come home in tears about 95% of the time. I would even skip track practice because I was so emotionally unbalanced from the day I just couldn't take another minute.

There was something that my parents, grandparents, the parish deacon, ect all told me. There is probably a reason why bullies picked on me;

They were jealous.

There was something wrong with them; or, connecting to this point;

They were hurting.

Anybody else's brains go "Bingo!"?

Because think about it. By the time Harpocrates comes around, Apollo's already spent a lot of time under Zeus's thumb - under his abuse.

And personally, I don't think Zeus likes the other pantheons. And I bet he really doesn't like it when pantheons...mix.

Which is something Harpocrates is. A mix between his original Egyptian self, and what Ptolemy made him to be.

So imagine this: You are Apollo. You have been dealing with your father's abuse for centuries. You are hurting - physically, emotionally, and mentally. You come across this god who's a mix between Egypt and Greece. He is the opposite of you - silence where you are sound.

Wouldn't he be the perfect target to lash out at, without repercussions? After all...I doubt Zeus would care if Apollo was kicking around a mixed deity. Perhaps...he would even encourage it...

But I hear you - "But Apollo barely remembers Harpocrates!" And yes, he does barely remember him and it takes him a bit to acknowledge the fact that he did bully him.

So here's the kicker; I think Apollo lashed out at Harpocrates only a few times. He tried to transfer the pain he felt onto another, on the hope it would make him feel better.

But it didn't. Nothing made him feel better about himself.

And what's something we know about Apollo?

It's how much guilt he keeps bottled up. And I bet that after a few times, Apollo just...stopped going after Harpocrates. I think Apollo started feeling guilty about it, but quickly stamped it down and tried to forget about such feelings by forgetting about Harpocrates.

What you don't know can't hurt you, after all, right?

#the oracle speaks #HERE I GO ANALYSING AGAIN WHOOP #apollo #toa harpocrates #pjo apollo #toa apollo #the trials of apollo #trials of apollo #the tyrant's tomb

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overthinkthis · 4 months

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transmasc feelings about The Sign ep. 6

I might be a little late with this but I finally realised that while most fandom discourse isn't really my thing, what I do love is reading why shows or certain characters or even a single scene make people feel a lot of things (especially when I personally don't relate to it that much). And The Sign has me sooo deep in my trans feelings, I need to share some of that.

Other people have already pointed out how Tharn can be read as a trans man, having been a princess in another life. And he's short (compared to the others). I know, not all trans men are short, but I am, so it's a trait that always helps me identify with a character.

The main thing though and the reason I'm writing this is his struggle for agency. Because in my experience, the first point of attack on trans men is exactly our agency. We're told we're just naive, confused (autistic) little girls, seduced by the patriachy to reject our own femininity. Victims of our own internalised misogony. That we can't be trusted to make our own decisions, that we need to be 'protected' by being denied our bodily autonomy.

And the way people treat Tharn feels so similar to this. Everyone is pushing him, everyone acts like they know better whether he should date Phaya and even when it comes from a good place (like with Yai) or can be seen as harmless banter, it's still a lot. And then we get the scene where Phaya punches Chalothorn and Tharn punches Phaya and I know this scene is controversial, but I love it! I don't want to comment on how well this worked in the context of the show but as an isolated scene I find it deeply cathartic to watch.

Chalothorn says he will do everything to keep Tharn from Phaya. Even if Tharn has to die.

I know it's because I'm biased but this oozes "I'd rather have a dead child/partner than a trans child/partner"-energy to me. And he gets punched for saying that! Obvs don't punch people irl if you can avoid it but seeing Phaya shut him down like that immediately was so satisfying to watch. Seeing the rage on Phaya's face alone, the same rage I feel for everyone trying to push people back into the suicidality of the closet for their own comfort, is just cathartic.

But then! Tharn punches Phaya and that is... bad, isn't it? Honestly, not to me. Phaya isn't just being a little bit pushy here, it is not the same situation as in ep 3 where Phaya also pushes boundaries but we see Tharn happily agree to the sparring match.

No, in this situation Tharn clearly states what he wants and Phaya ignores that and tries to forcefully drag Tharn away. We know that Phaya has his reasons. As an audience we know that trusting Chalothorn is the wrong choice but it is still Tharn's decision to make!

He punches Phaya and in that moment he takes back his agency, he asserts his boundaries and he isn't being punished for that. Phaya doesn't try to guilt-trip him later, he accepts that he was wrong in trying to force Tharn to come with him. This is also the reason why I don't mind Phaya persuing Tharn with such vigor, because this scene shows us that he will back off if Tharn really needs him to, and that he won't hold a grudge for being rejected. (yeah, again, don't punch people irl, but this is a tv series, it should speak to the parts of our brain that respond better to powerful images than logical reasoning)

And another nice thing this episode gives us is the scene with Yai afterwards. He still get in Tharn's business but instead of just acting like he knows what Tharn needs, he asks questions and then offers his own perspective and his support.

Because this is how you help someone in this kind of situation. Not by trying to tell them what to do (come out, stay in the closet, transition, not transition... if we stay with my trans analogy), but by telling them you will be there when things get rough. And that the thing you really want for them is to be happy.

#the sign the series #phayatharn #transmasc feelings #cw suicide mention #trans #the sign bl #the sign meta #is this even meta or just personal

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strwhnn · 5 months

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Have you heard that there are people who live in something called "survival mode"?

As Mitski said "I fell in love with a war, nobody told me it ended".

That's the current Roier, despite being a charismatic and playful person, he literally just came back from a war.

He killed his friends on several occasions, he killed the people he loved the most just to amuse an entity that wanted to see them fight each other, he got so used to blood that he ended up enjoying it.

And now, overnight, he returns "home."

He comes back with the fear that his husband has not shown up, with the fear that he is dead, and as always, he makes jokes about it. But we all know it already, it is obvious that he doesn't want to think about it, he doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't want to remember that he stayed on that stupid island.

Roier has always been like that, even with his children.

And this is where Pepito comes in.

The first thing he does when he sees him, when he learns that he will be a father again, is to say that he can't get attached to him, not again, he can't allow another child to be taken away from him.

🌷;; Now, from here on will only come MY opinion, my perspective and how I see things. If you have anything to comment or would like to leave input, feel free to do so. Now, let's get started.

Roier has only raised strong children. Just like that, he has only fathered children who are not afraid of the world, who do not live in fear and who are brave little warriors.

That's the "Mexican way" in his own words, and it has always worked for him.

Bobby and Richarlyson, specifically Bobby (his first son), have always been brave, and have never let anyone on the island scare them, they have known how to keep their heads up even in dangerous situations.

Bobby, during his last ten minutes, never showed sadness, never showed regret, he was an adventurer and knew that bad things could happen, but that was not going to stop him.

Roier loved those children because they were a small reflection of himself.

Roier is brave, he is strong, he is funny, he is friendly and he can always bring a smile to everyone's face.

That Roier who months ago was going on adventures with his children, is now broken and shut down, having to take care of one more little one.

But this time it's not like always, this time it's not so easy. Pepito has shown himself to be slow, clumsy, small, fearful.

And he has to live, unfortunately, under the shadow of the people most loved by his now father.

Pepito arrived at the lowest point of his life, and he arrived when Roier already had a family made, a complete family.

Pepito arrived after Purgatory, after the most intense two weeks of his entire life, and he is a weak little egg, a little one who must be cared for, who cannot afford to be a hero.

For Roier this is something new, a new experience and something that can serve to calm his wild soul. He's even wiped the blood off his suit, he's not quite ready to wear red again but he's ready to at least make an attempt to get close to it.

Pepito, despite knowing that Roier is only waiting for the arrival of his other son, has already accepted him and loves him as his father, after all he never had one, and if he did he no longer remembers him. He lived alone for so long that now having someone else is wonderful.

Both, Pepito and Roier need each other, they have everything they need to help each other heal even for a moment. They both came from the same island and they both know how horrific it was, they can both support each other until one day they can have a normal life again.

So, Pepito will currently continue to live around memories that don't belong to him (Bobby's castle and town) but that doesn't mean he will be their replacement, he can't even come close to that, he will just be a new bond, a new dawn.

A breath after the storm.

This is my first post on Tumblr, English is not my first language so I probably have several mistakes :D anyway, I wanted to post something to test the application and nothing better than talking about one of my favorite QSMP characters ₊˚⊹

#qroier #qsmp #qsmp purgatory #q!roier #qsmp pepito #qsmp bobby

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rx-aysgl · 7 months

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On Kyle's Side: My Personal Take on Cartman And Kyle's Dynamic From Kyle's Point Of View

This is a four part essay in which i explore Cartman and Kyle's relationship, focusing primarily on Kyle's perspective. As said, i have broken it down into four different parts titled:

Sense of Identity

Martyr Complex and Competitiveness

Cartman

Their Relationship

There will be an extra chapter where i will make some additional commentary.

Hope you guys enjoy.

1. Sense of Identity and Selfishness

In the show Kyle is always concerned about “doing the right thing”, at least that's what he likes to tell himself. Though in reality, he is extremely selfish when push comes to shove and the reason for that stems from his constant questioning of his own identity and his stance in things. This makes him come off as rather inconsistent in a lot of ways. As a result, Kyle feels very lost. So what does he do? He decides to base his opinions and feelings and thoughts off of his environment because his own existance overwhelms him so much (eg. the "Tooth Fairy Tats 2000" episode). This puts him into this vicious cycle where he keeps getting lost even more due to not being able to pinpoint his own frame of thought and latching onto the external world that consists of many different people who have found their own way in life who also keep changing constantly and thus leaving all kinds of contradicting impressions on him. Throughout the series we see him try to change his apparence, religion, even his personality for the sake of fitting in (this also correlates to his martyr complex which i will get to). He creates this moral code for himself that he conditions himself to stick to in order to find his own identity and feel a sense of belonging but the sheer inconsistency of said moral code causes him to come off as indecisive, sometimes as a people pleaser and sometimes a hypocrite.

His defiance of a stable frame of mind pushes him to act on instinct and his momentary emotions while his refusal of self-acceptance causes him to distance his true self from others he considers close to him (Stan), hence the selfishness. It makes sense because how could someone get close to another when he can't even make peace with his own identity?

The reason i am mentioning this is to point out that since Cartman is so extreme in his beliefs and deliberately commits so many evil and selfish deeds, Kyle is obsessively drawn to him because it is so easy to call out and oppose him. Their polarity makes Kyle feel a sense of self he doesnt allow himself to truly make peace with and sugarcoat how fucked up he can be just like all the people in South Park that have wronged him but not enough to channel these feelings into. Cartman keeps Kyle grounded. Just like basically every other kid in the show, Kyle has done terrible things but he is so concerned about being right that he has to have Cartman by his side to make him escape from his own inner conflicts by reflecting it directly onto Cartman, the one person he is actually much more similar to more than he likes to think but he can only subconsciously acknowledge it.

2. Martyr Complex and Competitiveness

Another very essential aspect we need to pay attention to is Kyle's martyr complex. Kyle feels the need to not only to do the right thing but also to “sacrifice himself” for it. He is so self righteous to the point that not only does he not acknowledge his own flaws he also thinks he has to be and is some kind of heroic figure to others (eg. "Ginger Cow"), though this is more subtle compared to the other aspects of his personality.

The martyr complex causes Cartman to be seen as an even easier target than he already is and Cartman is more than willing to exploit Kyle for it hence feeding his very own complexes. They mutually feed off of each other to the point they are obsessed with each other and need each other. I would also like to point out that Kyle often shares some of his most vulnerable moments when Cartman is by his side in a suprising way (eg. choosing to stay by Cartman's side in the "You're Getting Old" and "Ass Burgers" episodes as an escape from Stan's depression at the time, crying with Cartman in "Kenny Dies" etc.) and vice versa. Though this is hard to notice on Cartman's side because Kyle conveys his vulnerability via confusion, sadness and desparation whereas Cartman does so via anger, jealousy and revenge.

3. Cartman

Cartman chastising Kyle like this most likely stems from how he believes Kyle was the catalyst to how fucked up he turned out to be due to his constant agression and bullying towards him in the earlier seasons, where he was mostly just a spoiled brat and nowhere near as bad as he is now. His pent up fury leads Cartman to also feel an extreme amount of envy towards Kyle with the reason of Cartman being a little more capable than Kyle at recognizing how him and Kyle share many similarities (being very emotionally driven, selfishness, neuroticism, stubbornnes, a habit of denying their own mistakes) who is in full denial of it on a conscious level. Cartman does try to get closer to Kyle and also the rest of his friends and seek their validation in the earlier seasons but as time goes by he realizes more and more that Kyle does not get the same treatment as him regardless.

Therefore, Cartman blames Kyle for his suffering and takes it all out on him in various disgusting ways because he thinks that Kyle deserves all the terrbile things happening to him.

It is very important to take into consideration how abhorrent Cartman's upbringing was and how influential it is to the way he feels towards Kyle. All of his childhood; he was raised with all kinds of abuse, neglect, extensive bullying and was depraved of almost all positive emotions. The result of this is Cartman ending up percieving positive emotions in a very traumatized, distorted and disturbing way. With this gradual build-up and "Scott Tennorman Must Die" being his breaking point by spreading fear to all of South Park and feeling an overwhelming amout of attention on him that he craved so much, Cartman ultimately comes to the conclusion that he can only and only validate himself by inflicting negativity on others. Independent from being conventionally "positive" or "negative" emotions, post-Scott Tennorman Cartman correlates all of his emotions to seeking attention and asserting himself as much as he can in means of a defense mechanism and in means of validating his own existance. His real feelings are filtered through a broken perspective, of which are conveyed intensely to the people he feels strongly about like Kyle or Liane.

How this all comes back to Kyle lies in the fact that Cartman also "benefits" from the way Kyle caters to his own problems via their seemingly very polarized relationship, not only does Cartman keep Kyle grounded as mentioned but Kyle does keep Cartman grounded as well.

At this point, their individual vicious cycles have become one, a constant play of cat and mouse; with both of them unable to differentiate which one is which, ever chasing.

4. Their Relationship

Describing their feelings towards each other as solely hate wouldn’t do justice to the times they tried so hard to keep the other in their lives (eg. the "Smug Alert" and "Skank Hunt" episodes) not only for the sake of just existing in each others lives or keeping in touch etc. but also to keep each other in their individual loops they are in, of which they cannot maintain with anyone else.

As a consequence Kyle and Cartman’s mutual obsession with each other leads them to go such lengths as saving each other multiple times. However, since there is a perpetual competitiveness between them due to Cartman's evny towards Kyle and Kyle's insatiable need to prove himself to be better than Cartman, they simply cannot stand each other’s happiness, especially if it involves someone really close to them, like a partner. Cartman ruining Kyle's potential romantic relationship with Nicole in "Cartman Finds Love" and Kyle trying to ruin Cartman's relationship with Heidi in "Doubling Down" and Kyle being unable to appreciate Cartman finally changing his ways for good and having a loving relationship and family in the Post Covid specials are all examples of both of them selfishly trying to involve the other in their own issues they should be able to deal with on their own, only have they not been such self absorbed people.

Their rivalry brings out the best and the worst in each other and they both know deep down that they are just like each other and they both hate it and feel an odd sense of comfort in it. That is exactly the reason why they simply cannot stand when the one of them goes on to have a happier life than the other. Not only do they feel as if they have lost some kind of battle but they also feel abandoned when it happens.

Extra Thoughts:

I find their relationship to be extremely complex and honest to god it has my multi media overthinker ass climbing up the walls and shitting furnitures. They are my favorite characters in the show and analyzing both of them was such treat to me. Due to some things i have mentioned in this essay especially on the last chapter, you can interpret some of them in the same vein as some kind of shipping subtext, even though this essay is essentially written in means of sheerly exploring this dynamic as it is. I honestly like keeping things really ambigious without necessarily categorizing relationships as romantic or platonic but if written properly i can enjoy both renditions of this relationship.

In order to clarify some things, i can enjoy romantic kyman ONLY AND ONLY in the condition of Cartman bettering himself over the years. I know it would be really difficult and may seem impossible to most of you but i find it an interesting and challenging story to think about and create content for. I believe that Eric is forever gonna stay as an asshole and i do not expect him to become an angel in the future. However I also think of him to be a really traumatized 8 year old, who is a really fucked up product of his really fucked up environment, a child who is smart enough to learn to be a better person, especially to those he values as his friends if given the proper opportunity. I do not think that their relationship will ever be a conventionally and classically an ideal one, especially from an outsider's perspective but Kyle and Cartman (and the entirety of South Park's cast) are both very far from being ideal human beings in the first place. At the end of the day, relationships can be very complex and unhealthy in real life, they always come in different colors and shapes. It is okay to explore a relationship in fiction without thinking it is the ideal relationship or the relationship you want to have in your own lives. It is okay to explore a relationship because it is interesting and well-written. This is what media literacy is all about.

As a disclaimer before some dumbass ship discourse happens, there are ofc some lines not to cross like the romanticization of inc*st, p*dophilia, r*pe and things like ww2 aus and shit btw. That being said, if you cannot separate fiction and reality to the extent i talked about in the previous chapter, this is your stupidity. Stop making it everybody's fucking problem.

anyways im gonna be extra deadass rn if someone gave me a 100k word long collage au that is written properly i would eat that shit up like theres no tomorrow. it doesnt even have to be romantic i just want more of them they are so interesting 😭😭😭 they also funny as fuck so the 2012 yaoi becomes even funnier. what a great dynamic godzamn 😭😭😭😭

Thanks for reading!!!

#south park #south park analysis #south park meta #sp #sp analysis #sp meta #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #sp discussion #south park headcanons #analysis #kyman #cartyle #kyle and cartman #dynamic analysis #media analysis #sp kyle #sp cartman #character analysis

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prismatic-bell · 2 months

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The extent of my knowledge of Jewish anything is almost entirely from Tumblr blogs I follow (a mix of Jewish blogs and random ass reblogs). I've no open and out Jewish people at work or in my town, nor a synagogue or Jewish center close to me (according to Google maps and my own local knowledge). When people talk about Zionism, the average non Jewish person seems to be using it in a shithead racist way, as a stand in for the word Jew, or specifically Jews who live in Isreal or those that intend to move there at some point.

The few times I've seen it in a more academic environment, it feels like a politically ideology, but also sometimes a subset of a Jewish religious identity. I'm not expecting a definitive, always right definition; but when Jewish people talk about Zionism, is it more along the lines of a political identifier or what?

Oof.

You know, that’s a hard one. I’m going to start by directing you toward the core definition of Zionism here, just to be sure we’re on the same page.

And then I’m going to say I think it’s kind of…several things? It’s political because the existence of a state is political. It’s religious because Jerusalem is built around our spiritual center, the remains of the Temple, and that has been true for 3500 years. Our connection to the Temple Mount was ancient before the first stone of al-Aqsa was laid on it. Indeed, it’s even in the psalms, first written in the 500s BCE when we were in the middle of the Babylonian exile—“if I should forget you, Jerusalem, may my right hand wither, and my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth.” To put that into some kind of perspective chronologically, the Bronze Age began circa 3300BCE, and brought with it some of the first writing systems. The first written mentions of “this is our beloved homeland where we worship our G-d”—which, keep in mind, are only the first WRITTEN mentions, and it’s pretty well accepted that Torah and parts of Tanakh were actually oral long before they were written down—those first written mentions are equidistant between the invention of writing and the invention of the iPhone.

Given what I ended that last paragraph with, I think it’s probably easy for you to see how this is also deeply personal for a lot of Jews. I converted, but I was converting back in after my family assimilated only about 100 years ago. That sounds like a hell of a long time if you’re American, but compare it to 4000 years of Jewish history, and it’s a drop in the bucket. People who lived lives I can only imagine have laid hands on the Western Wall, and they might have had my cheekbones. Go back far enough and someone may once have had a conversation asking their neighbor how the hell they could grow silphium in a part of the world it doesn’t even grow but not keep a basic olive tree alive, and that person’s conversation is echoed today in me saying “tomatoes are easy, it’s mint I keep killing.” My footsteps with their very distinctive crooked toes have already crossed a land I’ve never set foot in. There’s something in that fact that goes well beyond political or religious and into feelings I’m not sure there’s a name for.

I’m not sure it can be summed up as simply as “is it political or what.” Which isn’t to say it’s an unfair question—it’s a totally fair question, especially if this is a topic you’re new to. I just think it may be a question so big that there’s no way to give a satisfactory answer.

#you ask nina answers #Nina blogs Judaism

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kathaynesart · 1 year

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I love your storytelling! I was wondering if you’d give tips for outlining and planning a story, I adore your pacing and different arcs. I’m new to writing and I’m having trouble keeping things cohesive even with an outline and I just wanted to know if you had any perspective or tips to share. Don’t feel pressured to answer. I love your replica au and hope you are doing well!

Aw thank you so much! Sure I can talk about that. Mind you aside from a screen writing course I took in college I am entirely self taught. This is just information I’ve absorbed and worked out over the past couple decades of personal writing. More below the cut.

WRITING/OUTLINING STYLE

For starters you need to figure out what style of outlining works for you. I’ve been told there are two types of writers. The Architect and the Gardener. The Architect is someone who has the entire framework plotted out and builds off of that. The Gardener starts with a basic setup and lets the story flow naturally and chronologically from there, basing it entirely off of their extensive knowledge of the world, characters, and how they interact within it.

There are draw backs to both sides. Gardeners can often times write themselves into a corner or lose track of where the story should go (leading to lots of unnecessary fluff and loose ends). While architects have a habit of ignoring a lot of the important “middle stuff” that leads to their major predetermined plot points and sometimes don’t realize how the story is naturally leaning in other directions, making it jarring when they try to force it back on track.

I like using both methods but in different situations. For example before I even put pen to paper I already knew what I wanted the beginning and ending of Replica to be as well as a few pivotal scenes. I had a basic framework. However that framework has grown and changed over time as I’ve nurtured it. So I’ve come up with my own term I like to call “the Greenhouse Method,” where you may create the basic framework but understand that things within it can change and warp the structure to something entirely new. Just make sure it doesn’t go too off course.

That method may not work for everyone so I recommend looking inward to see what variation of the methods work best for you. Because if you’re not enjoying the process then there’s no point.

With this method I tend to list out major scenes of importance and then slowly figure out how they flow or cut into each other. Doing this involves several other factors I will state below…

THEMING

One important thing is to know what is the theme or message of your story. This doesn’t have to be obvious but every good story normally has an underlying theme. There needs to be a point. For example, Sherk is about accepting yourself for who you are. Jurassic Park is a warning about playing God.

Replica at its core is about cherishing your self worth and holding onto hope and loved ones even in the darkest times. Even when they’re not there anymore.

Whatever it may be, find that theme that means something to you, and make sure that feeling stays with you and the plot, even if subtly.

CHARACTERIZATION

Have a strong knowledge of the characters in your story. I achieve this by doing little exercises on how they would react to certain incidents or answering questionnaires. By doing this it allows them talk to each other within any scene I have setup but leave void of my own input. Instead I simply take notes rather than force them to say something they’re supposed to say (very Gardener style). Often times letting the characters be themselves allows them to say and do things I find far more entertaining than what I initially had planned.

It’s important with characters though that you make sure you let them be themselves rather than have them act out for pure drama/plot sake. I see that a lot in fan communities where characters will begin to cry or overreact in ways that seem out of character and it can really break my immersion. So know your characters. Know everything about them from what their favorite cookie is to how they deal with trauma. It’s all important to lead to the most natural of interactions.

SCENES

When plotting out scenes make sure that every one of them has a point. Every single scene. If there is nothing new to be learned, or changed, or shared, then there is no point beyond a few brief sentences to transition it to the next important scene. Avoid fluff that is just fluff for the sake of fluff. You can have fluffy scenes, sure, but make sure there is something else to be gained from it. I’ve read scenes that are literally just the same character harping over the same issue they’ve been dealing with without coming to any new conclusion or going through any sort of change, be it internal or external from the plot. I don’t like having my time wasted as a reader and neither should you as a writer!

THE ZONE

I don’t see many people talk about this but I think it’s important for any writer to find a space where they can zone out and let the story bloom in their mind. No judgement, no analyzing, just pure fun. For some this happens in the shower, or sitting in front of the laptop with a cup of tea, or me driving too fast down the freeway blasting music in my ears. I come up with all my best stuff while driving. Sometimes I will extend a drive just to finish a scene properly. Whatever it is, find what helps you get in that zone and see if you can play something out in your head. It helps keep me inspired for sure. If you've managed to come up with something you like, make sure to write it down and then come back to it later to look at it from a more analytical perspective. Does it work with my theme? Are the characters reacting realistically? Where does this happen in the timeline and how can it impact future store plot points? Etc.

EXTRA: EASY MISTAKE TO AVOID

This isn't so much about outlining, just writing in general, but when you start writing, be sure to choose a tense and stick with it. Many writers, myself included, prefer past tense. Though I’ve seen some people do present that can work well. Just make sure whatever you do stays consistent.

Example BAD: “Jane WENT to the store, hoping to find some crackers. She SPEAKS with the clerk to ask if he had any.”

Example GOOD: “Jane WENT to the store, hoping to find some crackers. She SPOKE with the clerk to ask if he had any.”

SUMMARY

Know your theme/message

Know your characters

Know your genre

Every scene should have a point and be interesting in some way

Recommend for beginners having an idea of where you want the story to conclude and see how that links up with your theme

Hope that helps. Sorry if I went off on a tangent but I feel like a lot of the story telling process is interconnected when done correctly. Let me know if you have any more specific issues you want addressed!

#writing #just my way of doing it #you do you boo #but seriously the tense thing annoys me #if you take away anything from this make sure to do that #writing101 #creative writing #writing tips #writing resources

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charlessmiths-wife · 2 months

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I’ve realised that my accounts display is highly RDR2 centric, specifically Charles - yet I haven’t made any posts in any way pertaining to either of them! And they’re my greatest loves!

So without ANY FURTHER ADO I present a few of my nearest and dearest headcanons for the gang (most of them are probably incredibly basic… also so biased to my big three of Arthur/charles/sadie)

CW!!!!!! mentions of violence

Under the cut if you’re interested!

-> Arthur has a small barely noticeable scar on his neck, just below where his beard finishes. He tells everyone he simply got it one day when he accidentally nicked himself whilst shaving - only John and Hosea know the truth. He got it when a member of an enemy gang held a knife to his neck too hard once, threatening him. It didn’t go on long enough to cause any lasting damage. Suffice to say Hosea took care of things before it reached that point.

-> Throughout his whole life, Arthur struggled to differentiate the kinds of love he felt. He loved Mary and Eliza, I truly believe it was romantically, in Mary’s case and he was aware of this, though there’s less to go off of with Eliza - but in terms of his relationship with members of the gang, that’s slightly more difficult. He knows he loves John like a brother, Dutch and Hosea like a father, and Sadie like a sister. His love for Charles is… different to all those, very much so less familial. But he died before ever figuring out what it was.

-> Charles and Sadie visit his grave every year. John also does, but not with them, he prefers to go alone.

-> After Arthur dies, Abigail tries so hard to get John to open up. He never really does. The closest he gets to doing so is when he kills Micah.

-> Sadie never EVER forgets Jake, as much as I would love to be a sadigail truther (and I truly believe there’s certainly a lil fruit in Sadie’s punch if you get me) Sadie never finds the connection she had with him anywhere else.

-> I’ve already touched on Charthur, whilst I certainly think the possibility of feelings developing was right there, I don’t think it could ever have materialised within the time frame of RDR2

-> in some hypothetical and beautiful universe in which Arthur lived, it takes years for Arthur to realise his feelings - even more so to actually act on them.

-> that is, if he chose to act on them. Something tells me Arthur would stay silent, and opt to let Charles make the first move if he wished.

-> When Arthur got sick, Sadie actually silently believed he would get better. Somewhere deep down she knew that was likely impossible - but she wanted to believe it wouldn’t happen again, she wanted to believe someone she cared for wouldn’t be taken from her for another time. It was easier for her to believe than accept reality at times.

-> John also believed silently he would get better, the gang had always pulled through, no matter what - it was hard for him to comprehend Arthur might not be around anymore.

-> out of the three of them, Charles was the only one who I believe truly accepted Arthur’s fate before it happened.

-> I think Dutch did care for John and Arthur, and the whole gang at a point. But Dutch, in my opinion, has an innate desire (more than anything) to feel in control and protect himself and his leadership. A combination of the death of Hosea and the manipulation of Micah (as well as Dutch’s own personal desires and characteristics) are what I believe led to his care for the gang dissolving into care for only himself.

-> not rlly a headcannon, more of an opinion - but Javier gets too much hate. He chose to stand against John and Arthur, but in my opinion, this seems understandable if you look at it from his perspective? His loyalty lay with Dutch because Dutch, in his mind, SAVED him. He gave him family, support, food, and, well - life, for want of another word.

-> I firmly believe that, if Shaun was still alive, he would’ve done the exact same thing as Javi.

-> (coming from the most DIEHARD FAN so please recognise this is no hate) but sometimes I think Arthur gets well.. watered down too much as being presented as a good man who was living in unfortunate circumstances. And whilst I’d say this is largely true, at least on a good honour play through - I’d also say it’s largely true for many of the other members of the gang? Sadie, John, Abigail, Javier, Charles, Lenny… I’d say they’re just some of the examples of characters who would also fit such characterisation and deserve the same sympathy as Arthur

-> John was the BEST at playing cards back in camp, Arthur never knew how. It infuriated him.

-> “Goddamn bastard… fool at damn near everything else… but a goddamn wizard at poker…”

That’s all! Feel free to add any you have yourself in the comments :)

#rdr2 #arthur morgan #charles smith #sadie adler #john marston #abigail roberts #dutch van der linde #hosea matthews #javier escuella #red dead redemption community #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption #periodically I forget how much I love this game #k talks #also if yous want any more PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK #cus I’ve got #plenty more where that came from

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dazaispinkietoe · 2 months

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Belphie Analysis!!!!

JUST MY OPINION!! NOT EXCUSING HIS ACTIONS OR ANYTHING

Starting with introductions, Belphegor is the last brother we meet. He’s implied in the introduction, with the video having lines of him pleading for help and all, but never specifically stated. All we know is that he’s “In the human world,” according to his brothers. Only Beelzebub seems to be upset by this, while the others accept that they can’t do anything about it because it’s what Lucifer wants. They don’t agree with him, but they know what he says is basically law. They don’t wanna be strung up on the fan by him again (OKAY BUT THAT'S ACTUALLY A SUPER CREATIVE PUNISHMENT?? LIKE??)

Eventually, we got up to the attic. Lucifer tried to keep MC out, but they’re a little shit so of course they get in. When we meet him, he says he’s been locked up. Despite him lying about being human, this is true. Now, we don’t actually know how long the exchange program has been going on. Solomon seems to already have been here a while, as well as the angels. Time doesn’t have as much meaning for them, and they can say with less harm, so I’d assume they’ve already been there for a couple of years. The brothers haven’t spoken to Belphegor since then, and we don’t know if Lucifer even spoke to Belphegor or tried to suck up his pride and explain his actions. Not that Belphegor would forgive him, but it doesn’t seem like Lucifer even went up there to check in on him often. So at this point, he’s desperate. He wants to get out, and likely isn’t thinking clearly from the isolation. When you’re isolated, you’re at greater risk of cognitive decline, depression, and anxiety. All of those can affect your ways of thinking, as well as how you handle situations.

Eventually, he gets exposed for his lie when Beelzebub reveals what he looks like to MC. When he is confronted about this, he doesn’t try to keep up the lie, realizing it’s pointless. He admits to the MC who he really is. At this point, he leaves it up to them on whether or not they trust him. They have the option not to, and he doesn’t seem to expect them to. So when they come back, he’s surprised. Obviously, Belphegor hates humans. We don’t know that yet in the story, but he blames them for his sister’s death. When he was in Celestia, he introduced his sister to humans. She fell in love with one and when he got sick, she used forbidden methods to save him. This started a war between God himself and the siblings, and ended with Lilith dying in his arms before they fell to the Devildom. When you go through grief, you’re likely to try and find ways to escape from it, blame an outside source, yourself, or to just completely shut down. Because Belphegor is so stable, he did all of those. Even though he used to love humans, he tried hating them because he didn’t want to blame himself. This didn’t work though, because subconsciously he still turned to them for comfort. In lesson 16 on hard mode, we get a story featuring him and his perspective. He imagines life in the human world, seemingly as a form of escapism. He uses escapism as a coping mechanism often, and it’s one of the reasons he sleeps so much. I’m a firm believer that their sins are how the brothers coped with the trauma, but even without that theory, in the anime when he is upset he goes to bed and dreams of a world where what made him upset was different.

Moving on, he tells MC to make pacts with all of the brothers to get him out of the attic. He tells them to start with Beelzebub first, knowing that he’d be easier to win over. I don’t think that he actually thought that MC could be a danger here, because even though he planned to kill them, he started with the person he cared about most. Even if Beelzebub could be easier to win over than the others, I couldn’t imagine Belphegor putting him in possible danger just because of that. Then, after a lot of plot development, he is let out of the attic. It is not MC that let him out though. Beelzebub and Belphegor take MC to stay with the angels, and I want to note that Belphegor does not attack MC. You could argue he didn’t want to do it in front of Beelzebub, but the second time he doesn’t care if any of the brothers are watching him, so I don’t think that was it. He’s fine with existing in the same room as them, and even talks to them from time to time, before being arrested by Diavolo. (I hate Diavolo for this because I get it, I do, but he did NOT say anything???? Leave him alone?) Then it is revealed that he hates humans. So, Beelzebub and MC go back to The House of Lamentation. There, they confront Lucifer. Here we find out that the argument that led up to him being locked up was about the exchange program.

Belphegor tries explaining to Lucifer why he didn’t agree with it. Obviously, he didn’t think it was safe, especially because he was still recovering from his sister’s death. But instead of trying to find a common ground with him, Lucifer just says that he wants whatever Diavolo wants. Upset now, Belphegor asks if Lucifer even cares about the brothers or remembers Lilith. Lucifer says no, and Belphegor (obviously not thinking clearly at this point) says that if the program happens, he’ll kill everyone in the human world. At this point he is thrown into the attic and locked away, before the program even started. After talking it through with the brothers, once they hear this information, they decide to go to Diavolo to get Belphegor back. Diavolo agrees, but only if MC can figure out how exactly Belphegor escaped in the first place. When MC finds Belphegor, he’s talking in his sleep. He says Liltih’s name, so I can assume he’s having a nightmare. This is when Belphegor tries to kill MC. But what stands out to me here is that he apologizes. This could be mocking, but this is where something else I had the joy of witnessing comes in. In his UR card, in the A Nightmare, there’s a story called Hide and Seek. The cover of this card is literally him crying, by the way. In this story Belphegor is dreaming, and is playing hide and seek with Lilith. Eventually he cannot find her, and begins questioning if it’s because he’s a bad older brother. Just as he’s about to find her, Lucifer comes in and tells him that she’s dead and Belphegor shouldn’t be looking for her. While we’re on this part of the dream, I’d like to note that this shows how Belphegor views Lucifer as an authoritative figure. As someone who controls and disciplines him, telling him things he doesn’t want to hear. It was not always this way though.

In another card I have, the brothers are playing a game. In the game, Belphegor is constantly seen complimenting Lucifer, and they seem to have an adorable relationship. Asmodeus is even jealous of Belphegor for it, but then the scene cuts into current Belphegor, locked up and talking to MC. He says he hates Lucifer. I feel like after he was locked up, understandably, his trust was shattered. It’s implied his greatest fear is being alone, and Lucifer practically forced that fear onto him. Now, back to the Hide and Seek card, after Belphegor wakes up from this dream, he starts sobbing. MC finds him like this, and tries to comfort him. At this point, Belphegor can’t really hide his emotions or intentions, but isn’t mean to the MC. He asks them to stay with him, and even says he wants to see them and his brothers once he gets out. He seems to genuinely care for the MC. So when he was apologizing, I think he knew that what he was doing was wrong, but couldn’t bring himself to not do it. He’s forced himself to hate humans and lied to himself enough that even though he knows what he’s doing isn’t okay, and people can’t help their species, he hates them enough to try and stick to his beliefs. It’s also mentioned that Belphegor is an extremely proactive person, so once he saw that MC had come into his brothers’ home, he likely wanted to protect them.

Lilith brings MC back to life, telling them to help her brothers. Once they confront Belphegor, they reveal that they are Liltih’s very distant relative (btw this wouldn’t be incest, in Celestia no one is actually related by blood, they are simply created, and Lilith had been dead for hundreds of years b ty then.) While all the brothers rejoice, Belphegor starts breaking down. He talks about how everything is all his fault, and how he feels useless. He lets go of his human grudges, and is seen in the same lesson talking to the MC like normal again. He even sends them a text later, saying that he felt jealous of the time the brothers had with MC, and how he had missed out on it. Belphegor isn’t the type to apologize with words, but apologizes with actions instead, giving himself to the MC as a gift. This is likely because of how his trust was betrayed by Lucifer, but also to ensure MC that he isn’t trying to manipulate them anymore, and instead of forcing himself on them letting them decide what to think.

After MC becomes okay with him, he becomes attached. He asks MC for help often, and tries to assure them that even if they weren’t related to Lilith he would still feel the same as he does now. He expresses jealousy often, uses excuses to hang out with them, etc. But he still holds a bit of resentment. In his special guest dialog, he doesn’t seem to be totally honest with his feelings. He makes it seem like everything MC does is for themselves, and he doesn’t enjoy it, even though his face gives it away. He doesn’t seem to be comfortable with a lot of interactions, which is probably a mix of the isolation and having to change his opinions so suddenly. It’s obvious he tries though, and for how long he’s been like this, he made progress fast.

When the time comes for MC to leave, Belphegor holds true to the jealousy I mentioned in the paragraph before this. He says he wants to get to know MC more intimately than anyone else, and that if they cannot come to the Devildom themselves, he will have to go to the human world for them. Once again, a big step with the whole human thing. He complains when the rest of the brothers join him in the attic, and when MC leaves to go check in on Lucifer he tells them to be right back. The fact that he was in the attic says a lot about his relationship with the MC too. Because of the time he has spent in there, even though it has unpleasant memories, he finds comfort in the attic and is seen retreating to it when presented with negative emotions. It’s likely that he went up there and napped because he didn’t want to think about MC leaving him. Once they do leave though, he tells MC that he loves them. He’s actually the first person to say this to the MC so far, with everyone else just implying it instead of just saying it bluntly. When Belphegor isn’t trying to get his way, he seems to just say things as he sees them. He doesn’t like fake people. This, besides the controlling Lucifer thing and acting without thinking, is probably the main reason he dislikes Diavolo. Diavolo has a tendency to act kind to everyone, even if he might not like them, like Belphegor. Belphegor probably sees this as a threat or something to notice about him.

Moving more outside the story though, Belphegor’s fear of the MC leaving him is one of the most noticeable things about him. People seem to think that this makes him ‘yandere’ or whatever they want to call it, but that’s just…not how it is? In multiple events, he mentions that he wants to combine with the MC or have all of them, and in songs he talks about never wanting to let go of MC, one of the lines literally being that. (I think that was in the Christmas song? I pointed it out when I first listened to it.) He’s also seen actively wanting to care for MC. In a card where MC gets sick, he cares for them, neglecting his own care, only to end up getting sick himself. But he doesn’t try to push anything onto the MC, or force them to be with him, like other people think he does. Another thing I noticed was that in the anime, his brothers treat him like a child, but also like a ticking time bomb. In the episodes he’s in, he’s shown being treated like a baby, which is understandable because he’s the youngest, but even after Lucifer puts him in charge, the brothers still dismiss him. They also treat him more carefully than Satan, who is literally the avatar of wrath. In both the canon story and anime, they treat him awkwardly when MC is not around. This leads to him breaking down and talking about how he can’t understand them, and how he knows they can’t understand him, but they should just say it. This makes me believe that a part of the reason Belphegor doesn’t engage in conversation much is because he finds it hard to understand others and therefore doesn’t know how to reply, or not being able to understand them makes him upset at himself.

Belphegor is also seen getting irritated often. Mostly at others. In an event he states that he doesn’t actually think he’s smart, and that anyone could do the things he does. He’s pretty insecure about this fact too. So I think that when people don’t come to a solution right away, he gets frustrated. There’s a possibility he also does this with himself, or holds himself to a high standard. In a chat with him talking about something with Beelzebub, he seems to feel guilty easily, and tries to make it right. This probably goes along with the fact that he doesn’t think demons should make mistakes often, he doesn’t allow himself room to make errors, but also lacks the motivation to try. He’s a lazy perfectionist, and while it actually works out for him, all the stress he puts on himself doesn’t exactly help him. He also doesn’t know how to deal with his own emotions, having frequent outbursts and locking himself away when presented with negative ones. It reminded me of how when Satan would get angry, they would chain him to his bed. Understandable based on how he would be aggression wise, but the brothers could have taught him how to deal with his emotions better. I think something similar happened with Belphegor, not being taught what to do with his emotions. And when he did express anger to someone else (Lucifer) he was locked away, so he probably thinks that isolation is the right, if not only thing he can do.

That’s all I’ve got for now though!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELPHEGOR I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HEHEHEHEHEHE

Toodles >_<

#obey me belphegor #om! belphegor #obey me #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #om! belphie

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