#i want you to picture it like those old memes where the sentence gets more verbose but the drawing gets shittier
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Starkid looked at The Individual Who Was Unfond of Musical Theatre and said yes but what if he had clones on the moon and got stockholm syndrome'd into being a cat. They really said put that guy in a situation.
#when you read the individual who was unfond of musical theatre#i want you to picture it like those old memes where the sentence gets more verbose but the drawing gets shittier#paul matthews#the guy who didn't like musicals#tgwdlm#forever and always#hey melissa#hatchetfield#hatchetverse#team starkid#starkid#hila has spoken
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Could you please tell us about Tales of Terin.
Oh my gosh. Yes I can. This will get long so bear with me.
Tales of Terin is my project for a fantasy series set in the world of Terin, which is populated by anthropomorphic animals in a magical society inspired partly by the culture of the region where I live, partly by Iberian Europe and South America from around the 17th century -- more specifically, Colonial Brazil (which at the time was under Portugal). I just got tired of fantasy settings based almost exclusively on Central and East European cultures and wanted something closer to myself.
I'll keep this post to a sparknotes version of the lore up until the inciting incident, because it will get long enough without me trying to summarize the world at large AND the entire story AND all the characters, and also I've posted extensively about some of those aspects in previous posts (I may make a masterpost with links to all the relevant stuff because the tag is a mess of character memes, inspiration pictures and some outdated art shfkfjdk)
Anyway lore
Magic in this world comes from five extremely Sacred Stones whose existence in-universe is somewhere between rumour and myth. There are two known gods, Telgaros and Haedin. It's widely believed Telgaros "died", because people were being shitty and he allegedly wanted to wipe them out, so Haedin went "nah" and turned him into the stars, then became the sun herself.
Pretty story, there are even holidays about it, but it's very much not true.
The gods are alive, and they lied. There is a third god no one knows about who's imprisoned Somewhere due to Reasons, they're Pissed About It, and Haedin and Telgaros are currently having a pretty heated debate on whether or not they should free them. And since this somehow concerns the mortals, they're bringing the fight to Terin.
So. Terin. There's this continent called Guaraitá (Gwah-rah-ee-TAH). If you're a merchant or noble living there, things are pretty nice. If you look like you might be trouble, though, get ready to have a bad time. It's what happened to Ani, the jailbird, one of our main characters. He used to be a high-grade thief along with his childhood friend and partner in crime Agatha. They scammed nobles out of a pretty penny for years, until Agatha fell in love with one of their targets and betrayed him. Just like that: sentenced to 25 years in the dungeons. The justice system is pretty nasty to people who mess with nobles.
But then something funny happened. A decade before the end of his sentence, the rich guy who threw him under comes up and offers to pardon him if he manages to track down Agatha and bring to him their child, whom he'd never got to meet, as his health is deteriorating and he needs an heir. Huh. That's one hell of a way to find out she'd ditched her noble lover while pregnant. Ani's feeling pretty bitter about... everything right now so he takes the offer out of spite, pretty certain he knows her enough to find her even after 15 years.
So he gets Parole Bracelets put on him (more on that here) and sets off to the very quaint Sun Village, a rural town at the edge of a beautiful forest. The fertile ground is great for farming, the DuBach family (renowned for their grade-A dewcattle*) is even established here, but mostly it's small commerce and a tight-knit community. And there, on that morning, in their old hometown, as Ani predicted, he sees Agatha. He finds her at the farmer's market, a smaller, lighter-furred version of her clinging to the hem of her dress.
He feels approximately 37 different emotions when their eyes meet, and after a minute of looking at him like he's a ghost, she manages to reluctantly invite him for coffee and cake later at her house. Which he accepts, partly because he really, really missed Agatha, partly because he's planning to be extremely petty and vengeful and abduct the little pup -- Jade, he learns -- and bring her to his patron against her will because fuck Agatha, he hates Agatha, and he has a job to do.
But he never gets the chance to, because at noon the town is gone, engulfed in flames, as are the entire forest and the crops and most of the dewcattle. The terinians who survived the giant wave of magical fire are desperately running around trying to save themselves, their friends and their valuables. Ani knows he won't get pardoned if he brings back a corpse, so he bolts to Agatha's house and finds her crushed under rubble, having shielded little Jade from it (Jade herself got hit while trying to grab her little accordion and fell unconscious). With her dying breath, she begs for forgiveness and for him to take care of Jade. He uh. He takes Jade and leaves without a word.
After the chaos dies down and grief sets in, the fraction of the village's population that survived congregates at the edge of town, where Malvina DuBach is organizing the people so her friend Rusty can use his healing magic to help everyone he can. As Ani approaches, Rusty recognizes the little Jade and immediately tells him to jump the line so he can heal her. They introduce themselves, Ani tells them he's taking her to the Capital, and they offer to take him there in their wagon, since they're coincidentally also going there. He reluctantly takes the offer, since the journey back on foot would take too long.
Not two days after, they're intercepted by a stranger who introduces himself as Theo, says the world is starting to end and he needs help stopping that. Shenanigans ensue, they end up embarking on a worldwide journey for the Sacred Stones.
Any follow-up questions?
Oh, also Magnolia caused the fire.
Edit: oh, forgot to clarify: Dewcattle is what they call the equivalent of cows in this world, because non-sapient animals are fusions between normal animals and bugs. In this case they're cows who are also aphids. Pretty fluffy and produce honeydew instead of milk.
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page 30彡★
kageyama tobio · fluff · 3.2k
a/n: came up w this idea based on a tiktok vid of this trend that randomly popped up on my feed (which i can't find anymore T_T) do let me know if you enjoyed it! ❤️
“Hey, Tobio.”
The mop of raven hair doesn’t look up to you, eyes fixated on the jiggly onsen tamago on top of the curry tonkatsu.
“There’s this new trend going on.”
He hums in response, fingers gripping onto a pair of wooden chopsticks, manoeuvring the fragile soft lump towards the spoon. Just a few more steps till being cradled snugly in the deep end of the cool ceramic spoon.
“And we’re gonna learn the moves and film it right here after this.”
His fingers twitch. One of the long pointy chopsticks loses its cool and stabs the tamago right in the core, streaks of yellow bleeding across the crisp golden brown tonkatsu. Its counterpart desperately tries to put pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding, but too much yolk has been lost, and more jabs were made in the frantic rescue mission. Not even the string of ‘shit’ muttered could save the day. So long, dear onsen tamago.
You’re finally met with piercing blue eyes glaring at you.
“No. And look at what you did to my onsen tamago.”
“You should’ve scooped it up with your spoon instead of pushing it with your chopsticks. Common sense much?” You thank the waitress for the hot steaming tempura udon. “Plus, you’re supposed to break the yolk and coat the luscious essence over your rice, unless you’re a freak and eat it in one go.”
Kageyama’s scowl softens when a piece of fried tempura lands in his bowl in exchange for a piece of tonkatsu. A glint of delight gleams in the two pair of eyes at the first bite of delicious food, taste buds tingling in satisfaction.
It’s a rainy Wednesday night. And rainy nights call for warm comfort food to make up for the gloomy wet weather brought by the pitter patter parade of fat rain droplets. So after a spontaneous text message, here you are, with an old close friend of yours, inside a small cosy shop hidden in an alleyway without any prior arrangements.
“And let me repeat myself. I’m not going to do any dumb dance trends with you again.” Kageyama restates his point firmly.
“Come on, you had so much fun the last time! Even Tsukki sent a good job sticker in the group chat.” You reason.
“You mean he enjoyed seeing me almost tripping over my feet.”
“That was the highlight, to be honest.”
He smacks your chopsticks away with his at your attempt to snag another piece of tonkatsu, not giving in into your pout.
“Anyway, I was just kidding. You’re in luck this time because it’s not a dance trend.”
Kageyama raises an eyebrow at you suspiciously, tilting his head to ask you to continue on.
“This time it’s a trend where you grab your nearest book, turn to page 30, and the first sentence will describe your love life. Interesting, isn’t it?”
“Just when I thought you’ve outgrown these ridiculous nonsenses.”
“Says the one who still insists on drinking a box of strawberry milk before matches.” You jab your chopsticks towards his direction accusingly.
“That’s different because it actually works. And it’s good.” He counterattacks by returning your gesture.
“I hate to say this but, point taken.”
He triumphantly snickers as you sigh in defeat.
“Aren’t you curious on how my love life is described?” You question, blowing off the steam from your spoon full of udon.
Kageyama chomps on another piece of pork cutlet, unamused at your question. “If you’re generous enough to share, I’d be honoured.”
“‘He smiles’”
“What?”
“That’s the first sentence on my page 30. ‘He smiles’.” You reply matter-of-factly, taking a sip of your hot green tea.
“What’s that even supposed to mean?” His brows knit in confusion, hands momentarily forgetting the spoonful of curry rice in hand.
“Use your imagination, Tobio. Awaken your romantic cells.” You gesture with your hands dramatically, earning a deadpan look from the boy seated across you.
“Does it mean whoever’s smiling is the love of your life? Or someone who’s always smiling?” Kageyama rests his cheek against his left knuckle, trying to connect the dots together.
“Well-“
“Wait a minute! Don’t tell me it’s Suga-san. Because if it is, I won’t allow it because Suga-san is way too good for you.”
He yelps as you not-so-accidentally dip your chopsticks stained with broth into his green tea.
“Shush, we both know how much Suga-san adores me. And everyone else.” You smugly take another bite of your fried tempura as he frowns in disgust after drinking the now broth infused green tea.
“I guess it’s feeling of love at the sight of his smile? Like feeling all warm and fuzzy seeing him smile.”
“Is there someone who makes you feel that way with their smile?”
You swirl the udon with your chopsticks mindlessly for a moment. “Maybe there is.”
You look up to the pair of blue eyes staring back at you, holding the intense gaze firmly, neither side backing down to break the tension.
“Do I know him?” Kageyama falters, a hint of anxiousness cracks in his voice.
“Since when were you so interested in my love life?” You laugh awkwardly, hoping to conceal your nervousness.
Despite the surrounding bustling chatter, the world suddenly falls painstakingly silent, with the irregular beats of two young hearts thumping deafeningly and out of rhythm.
The raven-haired boy succumbs first, looking back down to his half empty bowl. You continue swirling your bowl of udon, mentally slapping yourself at your answer and cracking your head to come up with something to save the mood.
“Well, I could help to scan him for you, if you want. Boys know boys better after all,”
You snap back up to look at the boy seated across you, eyes not meeting yours. This is a surprise.
“Plus, you can save the tears and snot to yourself because I might not be free to attend to your midnight crying sessions. If it really happens.”
A surge of warmth radiates throughout your body at his words. Definitely not from the hot bowl of udon.
Kageyama still has his eyes on the bowl before him, looking anywhere else but you. He tries to keep himself busy by scooping more rice, groaning as he further destroys the onsen tamago, unaware of the faint blush painting his cheeks. Definitely not from the hot bowl of curry, too.
“Don’t worry, he isn’t a jerk. I’m sure you’ll like him too.” You chuckle, adjusting your chopsticks to pick up more udon.
Oh, Kageyama Tobio, what exactly should I do with you.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽.* :☆ﾟ. ───
Scroll. Refresh. Switch apps. Repeat. Sigh.
You’ve been stuck in this constant loop for the past hour. Instead of getting much needed sleep for the next day, you subject yourself to the chains of the device held in your hand, despite the drooping eyelids and strained arm muscles.
What’s so fascinating about social media anyway? If it’s not friends or random acquaintances posting sinful food pics of ootds, it’d be someone ranting about either their work or love life, or memes you’ve already seen before. Sometimes you wonder if you’ve been casted a spell by social media.
Crying out a yelp as the gadget lands right in your face at the slip of your hands, you massage your nose bridge and forehead from the impact, grimacing in pain. It’s not easy being a slave to social media, huh.
Tossing your phone to the side, you roll over to lie flat on your back, sprawled like a star fish on your bed. A long sigh escapes your lips, eyes staring blankly at the bare celling above. Maybe you should really call it a day.
A beep from your phone tells you otherwise.
Tobio [23:17]
I did it. You owe me one box of strawberry milk.
[23:18]
IMG_20210402_961222
You immediately plop yourself up to sit cross-legged on your bed, tapping on the notification to open the message. As expected of Kageyama Tobio, it was a full-page picture of a book, with a small number 30 on the top left-hand corner. But unexpectedly of Kageyama Tobio too, the page wasn’t from those volleyball books or magazines stacked in the corner of his room. Looks like the mini ramble session you gave him on the way to the metro station worked.
“I know volleyball is the love of your life too, but we’re talking about your actual love life here! So no volleyball books or magazines, go rummage Miwa-san’s book shelf for one random romance novel. Just one. She’ll thank me for taking care of your love life.”
Sliding both your thumbs outwards on the screen to zoom in, your lips press together to form an ‘o’, brows arching in fascination at the first sentence.
She knows.
Interesting.
Your fingers dance across the screen swiftly.
me [23:20]
Ohhh interesting. See, it’s exciting, isn’t it?
Tobio [23:21]
I guess so
me [23:22]
Do you think it describes your love life well?
To actually imagine Kageyama Tobio having something that he loves as much as volleyball is, an odd and foreign feeling.
Tobio [23:24]
I’m not sure tbh
me [23:25]
Well spill the tea so I can help you analyse it
Tobio [23:25]
No
You swear you would throw punches at him if he was beside you now.
me [23:26]
Tsk tsk, so who’s the girl you’ve been hiding from me
Tobio [23:27]
Since when were you interested in my love life?
The use of your own words against you has you clicking your tongue in amusement.
You were contemplating between a civil or sarcastic remark when a new message bubble pops up.
Tobio [23:29]
But do you think she knows?
me [23:30]
About what?
Tobio [23:31]
Nvm, forget what I said
Seriously? This conversation is by no means, ending like this. You tap on the video icon on the right-hand corner of the screen hastily.
It takes a few rings for the familiar face to appear on screen, face a little too close to the camera, brows furrowed, lips pursed.
“What the heck, do you know what time it is?” Kageyama huffs in annoyance, running his fingers through his dishevelled black hair.
“Says the one who sent me such juicy information at this hour.” You bend your legs up, resting your hand on your knees for a better angle.
He throws his head back exasperatedly, muttering something inaudible along the static noise from the speakers, resting his head on a wooden frame you recognise. He still hasn’t changed his bed that he has long outgrown, complaining about soreness in his legs and arms that dangle off the edge every night.
“How do you expect me to go to bed with you hanging me like this? You have the worst timing ever.” You raise your hands in protest.
Kageyama buries half of his face in his palm. “I shouldn’t have listened to you.”
“But you get a box of strawberry milk from this! It’s worth it.” You gesture a finger gun to him knowingly.
He moves two fingers away from his face, peeking to see you through the screen like a child. Heaving a long, heavy sigh, he shifts his weight to sit up properly, half of his face still cradled in his palm.
“So, ‘she knows’, huh. Back to your question. What do you think she knows?” A tinge of excitement and fear bubble up your throat.
Kageyama avoids your gaze, looking to the side. “Well, I mean, about my, er- my feelings, I guess?”
“You mean your heart.”
The sentence has his eyes back on you, vivid blue eyes clouded by the shadows of dimly lit room.
“Yeah, uhm, well, I guess.” His voice trails off.
“Well, have you told her before?” You keep your voice steady.
“No, of course.” His words come out like a whisper.
“Then how is she going to know without any words or actions?” It comes out like a blunt statement, but somewhere deep down, a wave of relief washes over you.
“But I’m always there for her. Whenever she needs me, wherever she is, I try my best to be there for her,” Passionate flames ignite across the vast blue ocean. “I know something is on her mind when she bites the insides of her cheeks, when she flicks the tip of her thumb with her index finger constantly, or when she plays with the piercings on her ears. I’m not one with words, but I stay by her side when she needs me to, listening to her rambles or vents, or wiping away tears that stain her cheeks soft like mochi.
“I set notifications the night before to give her morning calls during her exams or important days because she tends to snooze the alarm on days like these. I always have extra band-aids ready on hand because she always somehow cuts and hurts herself, which hurts my heart too. Heck, I even learn ridiculous things that would be the death of me just for her, because nothing compares to the sparkle in her eyes when she flashes her precious smile, brighter than the sun that takes my breath away every time. I-”
Kageyama stops midway, face painted with horror as if he just let out a million-dollar secret. Panic flares in his eyes, mouth agape in incredulity as his body rigids, dumbstruck with terror by what rolled off his tongue so smoothly. You wonder if the line got disconnected because he turned into a static image, with a full-blown flustered look on his face.
You wave at the screen. “Tobio, you still there?”
It takes a few seconds for the raven-haired boy to snap back to his senses and regain his composure, coughing awkwardly in attempt to calm himself down. Small patches of blush blooming furiously on his cheeks peek out from his hands covering his mouth.
He looks cute.
No, he’s cute.
He’s always been cute.
“I- Er- Ye- Yeah, I’m still here.” Kageyama struggles to find words from his tad-larger-than-average vocabulary vault that has seem to disappear into thin air.
“Gosh, breathe Tobio, breathe. Come on, take a deep breath with me. One, two, three.”
He exhales deeply at the count of three with eyes shut close, hoping that all his jitters have been expelled away in the air.
“There you go. Feel better now?” Your lips tug up gently as the boy on the screen visibly relaxes, shoulders loosening from the tension, face free of creased lines.
He opens his eyes slowly, blinking a few times to adjust his vision before returning a soft smile to you. “Yeah, I do. Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
A tranquil silence blankets over the both of you. This time, the steady beats of two young hearts thump in tune like a metronome. Two young souls gaze at each other, basking in the calmness and comfort of the sincere warm smiles that felt so much like home; but too proud to admit they were like lovesick fools, brushing off the feelings that were screaming loudly to be heard, feelings that they were afraid to face.
“Do you think she knows?” It’s a genuine question, one that takes a mountain high of courage to come up with.
“I’m sure she does.” It’s a genuine answer, one that takes a of couple hundred meters of might to emerge from the deep ends of the sea to come up with.
And you both hope that you’re on the same wavelength.
“So back to square one. Who’s the girl?”
“None of your business.”
“Another piece of crap from you and I’ll leave without you at the metro station tomorrow.”
“Sorry.”
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽.* :☆ﾟ. ───
When you reach the designated exit of the metro station the next day, a pair of eyes as blue as the day immediately catches your attention among the crowd, feet shuffling on its own accord towards them. As if there was a detector sensing your presence within him, the owner of the beautiful pair of orbs turns to you, raising a hand in greeting.
Kageyama gives you a smile, a smile that says, ‘I hope my smile makes you feel warm and fuzzy’.
You smile back at him, with a smile that says, ‘I hope you know that I know your heart’.
It’s hard to shake off the pride to be damned, but the two lovesick fools find themselves discarding it slowly, bit by bit with each step taken, together.
【☾】
Kageyama is a creature of routine. He always has his day planned out in detail and hates it when it doesn’t go according to plan, or when something pops out of the blue. But there are a few which he can make exceptions for. So when he receives your text asking for dinner after his training session, he agrees in a heartbeat.
He felt his heart sink deeply in his guts when you said there was, indeed, someone who made you feel warm and fuzzy with their smile. But who was he to have his say when his status was merely just a close friend?
Miwa thought he had lost it when he barged into her room without notice that night, scanning her bookshelf for novels, specifically of the romance genre. It was more nerve-wrecking than retaking exams back in high school with Hinata while flipping through the pages, and it didn’t help much when he finally found the particular page, with the first line inked in black staring back at him in doubt.
He doesn’t know why he sent the picture of the page to you. What exactly was he expecting?
Worse, he doesn’t even know why he started blabbing about how he was always there for you, how much he cares for you, and how much you mean to him. It all just came out so naturally that he could actually score an A+ for impromptu speaking.
But when your eyes were filled with concern while calming him down instead of making fun of him or pestering him for more, something flutters in his mind. Maybe it was from the rush of adrenaline from before, or maybe it was his heart that had leaped out from his chest taking over. He brings up the question once again, with more confidence this time.
He knows you’re not one to lie with your eyes. And he sees the kindness and honesty in them.
A ray of hope flickers in him.
So today, Kageyama musters up every ounce of courage he has, and tells himself it’s now or never: to close the gap he has longed for so long between two hands that swayed side by side. Instead of retreating his hands away when they brush against yours, he curls the tip of his fingers with yours delicately, as if your fingers would melt at his touch.
He hopes that he made the right decision.
And when your fingers curl back, intertwined with his, he knows he has made the right decision, and that his question has been answered.
She knows.
And the fact that he’s the one behind the smile that makes you go all warm and fuzzy, he swears it feels like he could run for miles and miles without running out of breath, soaring even higher than the clouds in the skies. None of the perfect sets he has set in his lifetime could compare to the satisfaction and bliss he was feeling right now.
Because you had set his life ablaze the moment fate brought the both of you together, and you’re his end game.
#haikyuu#haikyuu!!#kageyama tobio x you#kageyama tobio x y/n#kageyama tobio x reader#kageyama tobio#kageyama x y/n#kageyama x reader#kageyama fluff#kageyama tobio fluff#haikyuu imagines#haikyuu oneshot#hq imagines#i want a soft boy like kageyama T_T#fun fact: the first line on page 30 for me is actually 'he smiles' too#which i thought to myself 'ah yes my 2d men smiling best describes my love life'#i originally started this for suga but it turned into kags midway hhh#go grab your nearest book and tell me whats the first line of your page 30!
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Todoroki, Dabi, Shinsou and Hawks w/ a badass dancer s/o
Request: hello!! may i request hawks dabi n shinsou (shoto if ur feeling generous!!) hcs where their sweet adorable s/o suddenly turns into a badass charismatic dancer when fire ass music plays and shes out there vibin and feelin herself (no not in that way btw😳) - @highest-quality-of-trash
I legit laugh so hard with theses dancing asks bc I can totally imagine them trying to put their jaw back in place after the witness you throw it back. Oml I love these types of crackhead asks. Hope you like it. Love yaa. 💖💖💖
rules
warnings: slightly suggestive here and there
Todoroki Shouto
-You are so shy and he loves it.
-Legit when you hide behind him and grasp his hand while you are going through a crowded area he just MELTS.
-HE A SIMP FOR YOUR ASS.
-When you sneeze and it’s one of those kitten sneezes he will give you the world.
-Your laugh is his favorite sound and he loves it even more when he is the reason behind your laughter.
-He knows that he isn’t the most expressive person so he tends to make up for it with cuddles and cute dates.
-You are his lockscreen.
-It’s a picture of you cuddled up in his bed wearing his hoodie, fast asleep with the most adorable pout on your face.
-Whenever he opens his phone he falls in love all over again.
-You are his little cinnamon roll and he will protect you with his life.
-So when ‘My Type’ starts playing while yall are hanging out with your class in the dorms he is shocked by how you freeze mid sentence.
-You immediately lock eyes with Mina and hop off his lap in a flash and start dancing like crazy.
-The choreography wasn’t perfect, Mina and Uraraka messed up a few and Jiro didn’t know half of the moves.
-But you??
-You got the whole class shooketh.
-You didn’t miss a beat and got all the moves right.
-Todoroki was like 👀👀👀.
-Bc you kinda shaking your ass at some moves and boy is watching you like a hawk.
-When the lyrics say ‘that’s my type’ you always turn around and wink or look at him.
-Boy got butterflies in his stomach.
-When the song ends and you come to sit back down like nothing happened everyone is looking at you.
- “I learn them from tik tok...”
- “LAST I CHECKED TIK TOK COULDN’T DANCE THAT GOOD!!”
-Mineta said that.
-Mineta became an ice cube after that comment.
-Todoroki will ask you to dance for him every so often and even decides to learn some dances so he can join you.
-Wholesome in general but won’t hesitate to turn dirty if you give him the necessary signs.
Dabi
-We know he’s nasty.
-How he manage to land someone so adorable and sweet as you is beyond the league’s comprehension.
-They shouldn’t underestimate you because they have seen you in action and dear lord you are terrifying.
-But alas you are a cinnamon roll around them and absolutely adorable.
-Most of them had bet that Dabi would have corrupted you at this point and you would have lost your sweetness but they were proven wrong.
-Even after all this time with him you are still the same cinnamon roll.
-They all love you.
-So when Dabi tells them that you are one hell of a dancer and that you like the most badass songs they laugh at him.
-You?
-Dirty dancing?
-Twerking?
-Yeah right.
-So the next time yall are chilling in his room he purposefully set his phone up in a corner and put on ‘Anaconda’
-A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.
-He should enjoy this.
-The moment you start bopping your head along side the beat he knows shit is going down.
-Soon you are full on twerking and doing all kinds of moves that gets him going as well.
-Once the song ends he wastes no time to throw you on the bed.
-The video was too ....intense and the league didn’t need to see what happened after your little dancing session.
-They heard it well enough they didn’t have to see it as well.
Shinsou Hitoshi
-He isn’t an open person and he would want someone who is soft spoken and sweet.
-His body and soul crave affection and gentleness so it’s not like he would be looking for someone like that because he knows their his type.
-It just feels right.
-So when he found you the sweet girl in the hero course while he was training along side you he was smitten.
-Soon he found the courage to ask you out and now you two are a thing that most of your friends believe will lead to something more.
-Something that will last well after high school is over.
-They just know by the way you two look at each other.
-You are his sweetheart and his adorable little kitten.
-He would do anything for you.
-Just like Shouto he has you as his lockscreen.
-Its a photo pf you on his lap wearing one of his hoodies and doing small ears with your hands.
-An adorable photo he took while gaming,
-He remembers it so clearly.
-He was so tired after practice but you were there to cheer him up.
-You always were.
-He believed you were so innocent and pure.
-That is until the song ‘Numb’ came on and you went crazy.
-You two were studying and you had put on some music from your phone when the song changed to that one.
-In a flash you were on your feet dancing along with the music moving your body like a professional dancer.
-He took out his phone once he got out of his trance and started recording you.
-He made the video his secret wallpaper...*like that Timothe meme*
-Once the song is over he’s so fixated on your ass that you have to shake his shoulder to bring him back to reality.
-Needless to say that studying is long forgotten and Shinsou has something else to DO at the moment.
Hawks/Keigo Takami
*he looks so dumb here smh*
-He loves your sweet and caring nature.
-He’s craving for some nurturing and affection since he has never gotten any so having you by his side is a huge upgrade than his previous state.
-He loves you to the moon and back.
-Has a folder full of photos of you.
-Selfies you had sent him, photos he had taken himself and some silly stuff you two had done.
-He low-key expected you to be freaky in one way or another.
-He just didn’t expect it to be dance.
-It was date night and you had decided to cook dinner.
-You asked him to put on some music and you went back to checking on your meal.
-Then it happened.
-It was a classic and an old song at that but you knew the calling of dance when you heard it.
-’Beautiful Liar’ was a marvelous song and the music video made things even better.
-Keigo expected you to know the song and sway your hips to the rythem.
-But when you copied Shakira’s every move flawlessly he let his jaw drop to the floor.
-Drool was starting to drip down his chin as he watched your hips move up and down or how you leaned on the fridge to do that arch-your-back-off-the-wall move.
-Boy was mesmerized beyond belief.
-Then the instrumental part came on and you danced to it flawlessly.
-The song was over way too soon and Keigo wanted more.
-So what did he do?
-He made you to put the food aside and give him a lap dance.
-Because he dump like dat.
TAG TEAM AY:
@brattyquirks @the-arcana-fan-fic @angelwritings
#todoroki shouto#todoroki x reader#todoroki shoto x reader#mha todoroki#shouto x reader#dabi#dabi x reader#shinsou x reader#shinsou fluff#my hero academia shinsou#shinsou x you#shinsou x y/n#hawks#hawks x reader#mha hawks#bnha
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Unus Annus Sentence Meme Starter
“Hey buddy buddy buddy buddy!”
“Our long time colleagues are 419 hours a day deny you here!”
“Peoples dream, must first be full of blood!”
“When we arrived in my backyard, we stopped the fire.”
“We quickly eliminated the enemy, and the fight was depressing.”
“Boy am I hungry!”
“Zip zap zop!”
“I don’t know if this was your idea, but we’ll roll with it.”
“This wouldn’t be the first time like, ‘hey I’ve got an idea.’ when we told you it weeks ago.”
“With the guidance of a guardian angel, you can do anything.”
“What am I teaching you how to do?”
“You don’t need to make it! I’m making it!”
“Have you washed your hands? You should wash your hands.”
“You can have the knife when you need the knife.”
“Close the door and never go back!”
“I want you to do something for me. Take a balloon, stretch it out..nice and wide.”
“Some of us are more gifted than others.”
“Okay, so what are we doing here? What is this?”
“I think that the way that I’d kill you is..’take you by the hands. come this way. I’ve got something to show you. just something you HAVE TO SEE.’ “
“In highschool. I dated a girl...her name was, Abigail. Very smart and driven. I was a stupid boy.”
“I still hadn’t let go, but they called me to tell me. She’d let go.”
“She looked down at the ground and then looked back up me. She giggled a bit and then said ‘Oh, don’t you know? I have feelings for Troy.’ “
“When you’re a late bloomer and you spend most of your time alone in a dark room with various ‘websites’, it turns out that feeding my entire adolescences with perverted thoughts from various unsavory sources makes a distorted impression of the act of making love.”
“After about thirty minutes of dry thrusting, I found myself incapable of completion.”
“The first time I ever had sex, I had to fake my own orgasm..just to get it over with.”
“I too was a late bloomer. I didn’t know anything about intercourse or foreplay or anything.”
“We heard the tent unzip, her thirteen year old brother came through the tent! He didn’t see us. But, we were there. He said ‘Dinner’s ready.’ Under the protection of the sleeping bag we were replied ‘OKAY!’, He exited and I-- *giggles* exited.”
“I think that’s enough therapy for one day. Remember, it’s okay to talk about embarrassing of your life.”
“You stand here..I’m gonna take my shoes off.”
“I need to climb around you.”
“Using teamwork and trust and...t-t-t....team work, you get one person from one end of the body, all the way around to the same end.”
“You think you know us, but we only show you what we want you to see.”
“Let’s get climbing.”
“I thought we were gonna watch a movie.”
“And then I PILE DRIVE YOU’RE SPINE...paralyzed for life.”
“I AM ALWAYS STABLE. Don’t even try to unstablize me.”
“Felt like an emotional burden unloaded.”
“Death comes for all of us and we’ve gotta prepare.”
“It’s a beautiful world, with a lot of caskets.”
“I’m just thinking about America...it’s not a great time to think about America.”
“Can we see some different caskets? Can you show us some metal ones, some wood ones?”
“Let’s start with the highest! And then we’ll work down to where we’re comfortable.”
“Why is Mahogany like the universally known wood? It’s used in all the movies, everyone talks about it. If they want quality, they want a Mahogany.”
“Obviously it’s a beautiful wood, but what makes Mahogany so special?”
“With Mahogany if you look at it. If you pass your eyes to the side, it changes. It goes with you.”
“You are supposed to be buried in dirt. From dust to dust.”
“I don’t want it to be too comfortable. I’d like to stay alert.”
“I don’t know, what does it mean to be afraid? I’m not afraid of death.”
“I don’t like the feel of velvet. I mean, I’ll touch it.”
“Mmh....velvet...”
“That’s the thing! Like old production stuff was built to last, FOREVER!”
��For now you can kneel.”
“They’re Nigerian dwarf goats. They’re gonna be your yoga partners today.”
“I twisted a man into a pretzel. I could do the same to you.”
“I twisted myself into a pretzel.”
“It’s so much more fun to do a plank with a goat on your back.”
“The goats come to you. The motto that we like to have it ‘trust the goats.’ “
“Oh, wait. Wait! I didn’t know we were competing.”
“When I did hot yoga. I kicked everyone’s ass.”
“There’s a lot goatin’ on.”
“You flinchy bastard.”
“Alright, there’s a goat there.”
“I always tell people that they will fire their massage therapists because goat massages are way better.”
“Yeah, it’s real firm.”
“Ow, oh god. Your tallons!”
“Oh, tight pants..tight pants!”
“Those are quitters who think that you have to have the perfect conditions to do things but if you can do things in times of adversity that’s when you know you’re really committed to a cause!”
“Anyone want kisses?”
“It’s okay to show emotions.”
“CRY LITTLE BITCH, CRY!”
“No one’s crazy enough to do it!”
“We knew this year was going to be hell.”
“Hey! Seven days..”
“There’s always still time for things to go wrong.”
“We’ll save them for the future.”
“No, there’s no future.”
“I hope I die in a hilarious way. I hope my death can be told as a joke, like it’s so funny how I died. People can get one last joy. One last laugh.”
“I’m not afraid of death, but I am afraid of dying.”
“Okay, we only have our sixth sense to see with. Okay? Much like Bruce Willis in the show Sixth Sense, spoiler, I know it’s new. He sees dead eggs everywhere.”
“You can do it with dominoes too, but be careful with that one cause once to get a hundred or more dominoes and you spill ‘em all over, it’s gonna take all afternoon to set ‘em back up.”
“So you better fucking see with your brain or else you won’t be able to have a good time.”
“Ouch ouch ouch! That’s not an egg.”
“I think you need to go a little slower.”
“Oh...Puppies!”
“Should we turn on the emergency camper light?”
“I’m just such a neat freak.”
“You know we need to try and escape.”
“What a profound man, that shot out the load that is Tony Stark.”
“This is a literal don’t show it. Oh god, all of his nudes are right there!”
“Gone gone, forever.”
“Two idiots cause ten care pile up from buttplug dropedge.”
“Hook car batteries up to my nipples? I’ll say yes every time!”
“I’m not a masochist. I’m really not. I’m glad I have this uninterrupted moment to talk about this. I’m not a masochist. I’m just curious.”
“I’ve never been hit by a car, outside of my car? What’s that like? I DON’T KNOW!”
“Sometimes, I am an idiot and..I match your intelligence level. THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT!”
“We’ve been edging father time for a year.”
“Recognize my face, thank you.”
“Oh it was terrible. You didn’t tell me about all the bears along the way.”
“Nice camel toe.
“Do you want me to get nurse Tracy?”
“When we tried to crush those melons, SHE TOOK TWO!”
“I was thinking the other night, what if the next melon is [insert muses’s name here] skull?”
“I just like doing what I’m told.”
“A man of few words, a man of action.”
“Are our faces being used as Capchas’ now?”
“Thank you god, thats’s a good idea.”
“God said we could!”
“Doesn’t matter what you do, to keep it from ending. Once it ends. It’s gone forever.”
“I don’t know you but you’re here, a lot. I guess you’re fine.”
“I couldn’t get it off, I felt like I was gonna rip your skin off.”
“YOU WERE GONNA RIP MY SKIN OFF.”
“We got all this time that we can relax! We’ve got like a week to relax...”
“Neither of us have ever been pepper sprayed. Let’s get pepper sprayed!”
“It’s burning as if there’s some hot oil.. on my eyes.”
“My eyes are okay now.”
“This fucking sucks so bad.”
“I would not recommend getting pepper sprayed.”
“When I was a young lad. All I had was my imagination and the woodland creatures.”
“You shot me twice! I get to shoot you with a paintball at some point in the future.”
“There is no easy!”
“Math wasn’t my strong suit, nor was anything.”
“He’s an idiot but he can read well.”
“Look at me in the eyes boy, you’ll never be stronger than me.”
“How do you have time for anything, do you not sleep?”
“Your shirt needs to be off.”
“I think you just want me to take my shirt off.”
“Ugh...I’m fine.”
“I need gloves, I need gloves, hang on, I gotta get gloves!”
“I don’t wanna do anything with drainage.”
“What bone would you say hurts?”
“That’s what the picture said to do, breast feed your patient.”
“Your bed’s not very comfortable.”
“THE GONGOOZLER!”
“It not over, it’s close.”
“In six hours, we’re done.”
“It’s hard to say goodbye, but it’s important.”
“Beautiful, a sailor’s dream to come across the mermer.”
“DELETE ME!! CUT ME OUTTA HERE!!”
“I’m being an asshole now.”
“It’s not hope, it’s delusion.”
“You can’t speed your way into heaven!”
“Have you ever looked at your tongue too long in the mirror and it no longer looks like it belongs to you?”
“Biology is just a constant nightmare.”
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＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ 911 fox sentence meme
enjoy this overly extra sentence meme series. episode 1.10 (part 10 of ?)
I am so sorry.
Who are you?
Are you the same person you've always been?
If you'd asked me a week ago, I would have had an easy answer.
But maybe the truth is... I'm the one who disappeared in slow motion.
It's my own reflection that's become hazy.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, I'm here. I got you, I got you, I got you.
I’ve locked myself in the loo.
I will break down this door.
Bloody hell, go away!
He's acting absolutely bonkers.
Wow, those are some world-class hiccups.
I'm sorry, it's so embarrassing.
The bobbies are asking if I want to press charges.
Baby, there is something wrong with you.
The brain is still the great unknown. Some people wake up from a coma and can suddenly speak Mandarin.
Don't thank us. Thank her.
You never told me you made the Olympic team.
You didn't tell me he moved in.
Okay, stay out of my medicine cabinet.
He did not move in, he's just been here a lot because he's been helping me deal with everything.
Why you so mopey?
That's my dating site! That's where I met _____.
Holy crap, are you actually putting yourself back out on the scene?
I spend too much time in my work, in my head, and that dating, having a girlfriend would help get me out in the world.
I think it's great, you taking the leap.
While at the moment, I think that dating or sleeping with someone is not worth the trouble, but I'm happy for you.
I feel like a probie stretching his first job.
You're not a rookie, you're just rusty.
And this picture looks like you're trying to sell real estate from a bus stop bench. And you know what? I will not be buying.
You cannot describe yourself as, "I am a lifesaver, not a heartbreaker."
Good flan is the bomb.
It's "amber," not "ember," you idiot.
I'm the healthiest dater at this whole table.
Oh, my God, he's right.
The world is turned upside down.
Is this your sick game? Make a girl reveal every fear and secret and turn-on, and then you just disappear?
Is ghosting girls your thing?
I have found real intimacy.
I haven't even flirted with anyone else.
Yep, you're proof that real change is possible.
Don't forget your bathing suits.
I'm too old to have my dad twist my hair.
Well, as long as your children live here, those locks aren't gonna change.
Hey. Now, you know I'm gonna miss you.
I feel like this is one of those things where talking about it will only make it harder.
It's gonna be weird sleeping here with my babies out under some other roof.
Being without you is hard enough.
I just never pictured myself being a person who doesn't wake up every day in the same house with her children.
We're on our way to being better people, more authentic people. And that journey, well, it just isn't free.
_______’ll come around.
I mean, she has to know that it wasn't you that night.
We are what we do, right? How can I claim to be a family woman, a faithful woman, when I did that?
I'm just dealing with an existential crisis.
Can we be together now that I've exposed this truth about myself? What if I, what if I'm a completely different person?
Hey, hey, I'm not dead.
I don't know what happened. He just keeled over.
I'm just saying, making one crazy mistake, you know, doesn't make you a completely different human being. It just makes you human.
Except it wasn't a mistake. It was a choice, ______. And I got to ask myself, why?
I'm going to eat my way across Europe.
I mean, you had me a little worried when you said you were going back to work.
I wanted you to have that.
They were my mom's and they're not really valuable or anything, but they meant a lot to her and you meant a lot to her.
You meant a lot to both of us.
You seem surprisingly calm for a dead guy.
I've been pronounced dead by accident three times.
I'm sure he would have appreciated it.
Each time I am reminded of just how precious life is. It's a gift.
I know you go grocery shopping on Fridays.
Look, I... I'm not blowing you off. I'm just... busy with everything.
Can I please get five minutes?
I love you. I know that doesn't mean a whole lot right now, but it's all I've got.
I messed up. I’m a mess.
Please come home.
You... you hurt me ____.
I can’t do this right now.
So, what did your brother... you know, did he like me?
Is that okay, my-my stuff being at your place?
I mean, I hadn't really thought about it like that.
You've been so amazing through this.
You seriously don't recognize me? I look exactly like my profile pic.
You think it's cool to just blow people off?
I don't know. I don't even know who I am right now.
But I definitely don't feel like I know who you are right now.
YOLOOOOO. I learned that term from my boy.
I know the kids coined it only just to justify doing something irresponsible, but you only have one 50th birthday.
My wife is completely against it.
_______'s gonna lose it. She's gonna frickin' lose it.
How long before you guys have me out of here? I'm so frickin' late.
Your old dad was like a new man, buddy, I'm telling you.
Uh, hey, and don't tell Mom: this thing is a chick magnet.
I'm sorry, that was unprofessional.
Everybody here today looks like they're holding it together. No doubt, they're going through a box of tissues tonight.
Will you go somewhere with me?
Come clean. This is you, right? Putting girls up to this, you think you're funny?
You know what, _____, I really wish it was me...
I bet if you updated your relationship status on your Myspace page, it might clear up all of this confusion.
Hey, who even uses Myspace?
This is really messed up.
Some dude doing the boring legwork, having hotties come to your door, I mean, what, is that really that awful?
We don't "go to church," we "do church."
Some things are tough to shake.
Whenever I walk into a new place, the first thing I do is look around for something I can use as a splint.
It’s exhausting but it can be so damn fun.
You're so not crazy.
I'm gonna go for a while, probably. I don't know.... I don't know how long. A few months maybe.
I'm gonna go for a while, probably. I don't know. I don't know how long. A few months maybe.
And these last few months, I think you've gotten me, at least halfway, to the person I want to be.
I'm excited for you. Almost as much as I am, um... sad for me.
Not exactly game night attire.
I can't make it tonight. I have a date.
Alright. How do I look?
I'd lose the tie.
I got to wear a tie.
You look like a lawyer.
I don't think I've ever seen you this nervous.
Well, it's kind of weird, once you get out of your own way, you start to see everything and everyone in a whole new light.
It's actually impossible to become a different person. You can only be better, worse, or a variation of the person you already are.
Don't make me regret this.
We are all pliable, constantly adjusting to our circumstances... throwing caution to the wind, becoming who we need to be in the moment.
You're not gonna come in with me?
I must be crazy to be leaving you behind.
And I'm gonna be right here when you come back, okay?
Take care of yourself, okay?
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For the first sentence meme: “I didn’t have the words then.”
TITLE: there’s too much smoke to see it
PAIRING: Michael/Alex
TAGS: hurt/comfort, temporary character death, getting back together, lots of talking, lots of sex, brief forlex, malex is endgame, canon typical friendships between everyone
SUMMARY: He had run out of time in making things right with Alex, which honestly was the worst part of dying in Michael’s opinion. It would have been good to die without leaving behind regrets and things unsaid. But then he survived and nothing changed, or did it?
This is finished, 15,858 words.
****.
“I didn’t have the words then.”
Michael glanced down at the fading bar of his cell phone battery in his hands, before turning to muffle the rib-shaking cough of dirt and grit from his throat into the bend of his arm. In their long history of loving one another, hurting one another, pushing each other, dragging each other back in, this was probably the cruelest thing he has done to Alex, leaving a goodbye message recorded on his phone.
The air was getting thinner in the cavern, the mix of carbon dioxide slowly taking over the available oxygen. Michael wasn’t sure if Mr. Jones wanted him to die from lack of water and food, or suffocate in the sealed space, only that he wanted Michael to suffer. That much had been made clear to Michael as he laid on the rocky ground with the depowering serum coursing through his veins. This was meant to be both his prison cell and grave, sentenced and executed for the crime of being his mother’s son. “I read up on these overly intelligent beasts you’ve surrounded yourself with, and I know they had your mother for a long time, tortured her for years, but it wasn’t by my hand, which lacks a certain emotional closure for me, I’m sure you understand.”
Collapsing the mouth of the abandoned mine with telekinesis, Michael’s last view was the self-satisfied expression of his brother but-not Jones, backing away with a sketched-salute.
After the dust settled and the walls stopped rattling, Michael had taken a quick accounting of the situation. A quick pat down of his pockets had revealed his multi tool, his truck keys and his cell phone, which was half-charged but with zero signal from the insulating barren rock walls of the mine. He had swept the meager flashlight over everything, hoping that he would find a place where there was water seeping in, or evidence that there was a forgotten shaft, only to be met with disappointment. What was even more concerning was that the mineral composition of the mine was unfamiliar to Michael, different from the patterns of strip-mined turquoise he recognized from the caverns that sheltered their pods.
He wasn’t in Roswell. It was possible he wasn’t in New Mexico at all. The black void from his last memory of leaving his bunker for the night and waking up on the unforgiving ground with Mr. Jones smirking above him could have stretched anywhere from hours to days.
Michael had paced around the small confines and had traced each crevice with his fingertips for some sign of give to attempt to dig himself out only to realize Jones had brought down the side of the mountain on him. Without access to his powers there was little hope of moving the rock debris on his own. The last time he had been dosed by Helena Ortecho, the effects had lasted for several days, including those frustrating moments when Jesse Manes had held a gun on Alex and then him at the Crashcon. Lucky for all of them that Gregory Manes had been there, and even more so for Maria’s quick thinking with the other bomb.
Luck took a faraway vacation from Michael after that night between getting unceremoniously dumped by Maria, to watching Alex move on easily with Forrest Long, to now.
When the feeling of his old friend, hunger, began to gnaw at his stomach, he had some hope that the serum would wear off in time to save himself, but then slowly that hope faded from his body when the desire to eat grew quiet, sleeping inside with the burrow his missing powers had made in him.
He was trapped and the executioner’s axe, swinging down on him inescapable, was time.
Thinking about time, like usual, sent Michael’s thoughts turning down the familiar roads in his mind and heart to Alex. At first, as he pillowed his head on his arms and stared up at the endless black of his prison, he had pretended there were stars above him and Alex was next to him. The rocky ground was just as unforgiving as the metal bed of his pickup truck. He was used to that fantasy, pretending Alex was there with him but just far enough away Michael couldn’t feel his breath or touch his skin.
It had kept him going during those years when Alex was serving overseas under a whole different starlit sky. It had fueled him during the surprisingly harder times, when Alex was serving in the next state over, one timezone, two at most, but the separation was wider than the Atlantic Ocean under Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. It had kept him hopeful as well, waiting during the in-between times of those scarce visits on leave. And then finally, Alex was serving in Roswell, but by then it was Michael who was out of reach, pulled down so deep in grief and pain he couldn’t see a way forward at all, let alone picture Alex nearby in his mind's eye.
Now he was out of time to wait and see if maybe the fates would be kind enough to grant them one more chance at being together.
The screen on his phone went black during his too-long pause. That was happening more and more, thirst was not enough to keep his thoughts sharp and his mind on the task. He kept drifting off on tangents, and time slipped with them as he worked to find the words to say goodbye to Alex. The battery life of his cell phone was dying under every pause, goddamn it, he needed to focus.
“I didn’t have the words then, to tell you how bad things were that summer. You know the one. I know I was too much for you, for anyone, hell even for myself. But… I didn’t mean to do it though, to make you the only good thing in my life back then- that was too much to put on you, when you were just a kid too, trying to survive.”
His skin was tight and dry, he couldn’t spare the moisture to cry, but his eyes burned with the need. “I blame myself, you know, for you leaving that first time to join up. Going to war. I know you what you said, about wanting to learn how to fight battles and win, but I’m not dumb, Alex. I know your dad catching us together was the real reason. You were trying to fly under his radar, to get out of the house and disappear to California or New York once you turned 18, and I ruined it. And I’m sorry-”
Another rib shaking cough seized Michael’s body, ripping through his throat like a wildfire, leaving ash in its wake as he tried to close his lips around it and hold it in uselessly. It was futile, trying to protect Alex, but he hoped that Alex would hear this goodbye, hear how slow and sleepy the words were and perhaps picture Michael’s death as being a peaceful slip into oblivion. Not the true state of affairs, that he was fighting for air as the walls of the mine seemed to creep closer and closer with every inhalation.
Like the rest of his previous attempts to protect Alex in his life, he was failing again.
“So, that apology was twelve years overdue. It wasn’t your fault I was a mess back then. And, the shitty part is Alex, if I had to relive that summer again, I can’t promise I would do anything different… except, maybe I would have been there to say goodbye to you.”
The bar on the phone was slipping closer to the critical red line.
“Guess that’s what this is. This recording. My poor attempt to make amends and give you a proper goodbye. I don’t have enough room on my phone or battery life to apologize for everything I’ve done, and honestly, what good are apologies? They don’t change the past. I think we did the best we could at the time. It is just- I lied before when I said I used to think we’d end up together.”
That bittersweet morning of watching Alex walk away one last time had changed something inside of Michael though he didn’t know at the time. He had thought he could close the book on their sad story and move on, trying as hard as he had with Maria, only to have that same damn book hurled at his head after Crashcon by Maria when she had ended things. He had spent so much time holding his and Alex’s story open in his heart, that the book didn’t close anymore. The spine was cracked, the binding bent in all the places where they had loved each other and hurt each other, that it made it impossible to shelve again and move on. All it took was the softest breeze of memory; the cover would flip open, and then Michael was right back in the middle of their story again, knowing that he would love Alex forever.
His thoughts were wandering again, bounding down hallways of melodrama. He almost laughed at the metaphor he had crafted for Alex; that their love was a roughly handled book. Forrest would appreciate it, being a researcher and lover of libraries. Forrest seemed to appreciate everything that Michael hadn’t.
Michael forced his eyes open, struggling to make sense between the black that circled his vision and the black of the mine. “I tried to stop thinking about it, picturing it, you and me, making a life together. I might have succeeded for a little bit, probably long enough for you to think I got over you. But I didn’t. It never really took. So yeah. I really thought we were going to have more time together. Time to try again. Or like, really try for the first time. I was ready now, to be good to you.” His lips cracked as he smiled in thought, the taste of blood sharpening his attention. “I had these big future plans. I was just waiting for- for the right time.
“Now I’m out of time- fuck, is it cruel to tell you this? I don’t want to be cruel to you. I love you. So much. So, I’m sitting here in the dark, and I’m trying to think good thoughts. God, Alex, you’re every good thought in my head, and I was planning on showing that to you, if you still wanted me.”
If. Michael forced himself not to linger on that. It was a huge ‘if’, considering how happy Alex was at the moment with someone else. Amazing what sharing hobbies but not trauma could do for a relationship. Well, Michael could admit it, that he was selfish enough at this moment not to care. He had held all these thoughts inside for so long, their only company his lost opportunities and dead dreams about finding his family. If he was going to die here, so be it, he didn’t want to leave anything unsaid.
“Maybe you don’t, maybe all you have for me is love in the past tense and that’s okay, sweetheart. I’ve stood there before myself, when my tank was dead-empty, and I couldn’t trust that another go-around would take me anywhere but back to heartbreak. Just, if you could indulge me one last time? I want you to know how I saw us.”
His lips stung, the cut breaking open again as he uselessly tried to wet them one more time. Michael curled around his phone holding it close to his mouth, his head was too dizzy to hold up anymore, but he pushed on, this was the important part of his message. “So, the plan was this. It is the same plan I had when we were 17. We’ve both taken some detours, almost got lost even, but I think this was where we were heading. A house, a yard, kids. We were going to have it all. I was going to play the guitar, you would play the keyboard, our daughter would play the drums, our son the flute because fuck gender stereotypes, am I right? Of course, you would have to sing, my voice only sounds good when I’m backing you up.”
The battery hit the final red bar of warning. There was a splash on the phone screen. Carefully Michael brought it to his lips to lick the precious tear away for moisture. His body had surprised him one more time, with tears.
“And yeah, that’s the gist. I would back you up on everything in our dad band, but you have to let me be the disciplinarian about homework, okay? Also, you don’t know this about me, but I make the best breakfasts ever. That was going to be what I led with by the way, if you were ever single again. I was going to make you breakfast and woo you. Every day for the rest of your life if you wanted. Whatever you wanted. I just want you to be happy… I love you.”
He closed the recording, saving it as the phone shut down on the exhausted battery. It wasn’t perfect, his last message to Alex, but then, when had he ever managed to tell Alex everything and get it right? He never had, and would never get a chance again. Never.
Michael tucked the phone into the pocket of his shirt, resting it over his heart and shut his eyes. He was aware that he was breathing harder, his lungs were looking for more non-existent oxygen in the closed off mine. Hopefully, he would slip into unconsciousness soon and feel the weight of grief that had taken up lodging in his chest sometime after the age of 7, finally check out. Evict that pain at last, and he could be free.
It was the bitterest irony of his current imprisonment.
***
continued on AO3 -
#malex#alex manes#michael guerin#hurt-comfort#getting back together#angst with a happy ending#for the first line meme#aewriting#sorry if this ends up in the tags twice#just found a privacy setting that was causing issues grrr
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I'm slightly disappointed to log onto Zoom and find Gwen Stefani in Los Angeles. I wanted to see the ranch. Stefani spent most of the pandemic in Oklahoma with her fiancé and fellow The Voice coach Blake Shelton, with whom she has recently collaborated on a string of country radio hits, alongside a kitsch Christmas song. For a ska-pop superstar, it's a pivot, but Stefani and Shelton are cute together — picture-perfect in their opposite attraction.
Country Gwen exists, her urban counterpart assures me, but on this particular MacBook she's nowhere to be seen. I'm not sure what crude regional stereotypes I was expecting (Stefani spitting sunflower seeds? Shelton line dancing in the background?) but I get Californian sunshine instead, illuminating a version of Stefani more familiar from my teenage years, when Love. Angel. Music. Baby and its follow-up The Sweet Escape spawned millions of fans, haters and imitators. She's platinum blonde, red lipsticked and wearing a black-and-white outfit that matches the decor. The checkerboard pattern can be traced back to an even earlier era, when Stefani and her No Doubt bandmates were '80s teenagers obsessed with two-tone acts like Madness and The Specials.
Cowboy boots wouldn't fit this picture, and nor would Stefani's glitzy showgirl outfits from The Voice, where she just wrapped another season as a celebrity coach. As she prepares to release her fourth solo record, and enters the fifth decade of an extraordinarily successful music career, Gwen Stefani is re-re-branding as... Gwen Stefani.
Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino, Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Engagement ring: Gwen's own
"But what is that?" Stefani asks with seriousness, as we consider the possibility of some essential, inherent Gwen. "Everyone's interpretation of what I am and how I sing, I mean, that's what this era is about for me."
Said era kicked off late last year, with the music video for "Let Me Reintroduce Myself." It saw Stefani playfully revisit the wardrobes of album cycles past, from the ab-bearing tomboy tank tops of "Hollaback Girl" to the club kid blue hair mascara of '90s No Doubt. Her Harajuku Girls also make a return. The entire visual is a huge flex, not only for the sheer volume of iconic career moments recreated in dutiful detail, but the fact Stefani can still fit into the clothes originally worn during all of them. She looks eerily the same, frighteningly good, ageing in reverse at the same pace as her frequent collaborator Pharrell.
"It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore."
Pop stars are expected to be young forever, in looks but also in their capacity to innovate new trends. Which makes the nostalgic music video a curious choice. Doesn't Stefani know by now that the cardinal rule of pop is to avoid repeating yourself? That even the hottest artists in the world are basically required by law to create completely new eras from scratch every six months in order to appease fans and maintain maximum TikTok-ready relevance?
Of course she does, but that doesn't mean she has to participate. Stefani isn't trying to chase down her contemporaries, despite clearly possessing the physical fitness required. "It's really a blessing to be able to have such a long career, where there really is nothing to prove anymore," she says. "It's a different energy. You know, it's really just about doing it to do it, as opposed to trying to make a statement or make a mark."
Corset: Ronald van der Kemp, Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Engagement ring: Gwen's own
Even the Saweetie remix of her latest single "Slow Clap" happened on a whim, after the younger artist happened to post a video of herself vibing to Stefani's 2004 single "Luxurious" on Instagram Stories. They knocked out the song and accompanying video in a day. Neither seems bothered by the Old Navy meme. "It was just this little video that we did on the fly," Stefani says. "It just happened. It just feels good to put new stuff out there."
Stefani completed a two-year Vegas greatest hits residency in 2019, which gave her a sense of perspective on her own legacy. "You make a new record because that's what is exciting for you," she says. "But people really just want to hear the records after a while that were the backdrop to their lives, a 'Don't Speak' or a 'Just a Girl' or a 'Hollaback Girl,' or whatever it was for them. So, you know, it's hard — you can only be new when you're new, and that's just the truth, and I know that."
She says she was pleasantly surprised that "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" charted at all, and that she only found out it did when Shelton walked into the kitchen to show her the iTunes numbers. "I burst out crying with joy, because it was like, 'Whoa, really?' I think I'd set myself up to be quite realistic about where I'm at."
Stefani, endlessly polite and self-deprecating in conversation, which on her end mostly consists of endearingly earnest run-on monologues, says she still has "tons" of insecurities. I get the impression she has been trying harder to give herself credit lately. She recalls recently hearing Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" on the car radio and finding herself in awe of the song's timeless catchiness.
Suit: Balmain, Earrings and choker: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own
"But then I started thinking," she says, in a goofy Cher Horowitz tone. "Like, I have a few of those myself." She talks of this realization as a genuine breakthrough, which is a little worrying for a woman who has sold 40 million records. No shit, she has a "few of those." More of them than Lauper, actually.
More new music is coming along slowly, but I've caught Stefani on a day when the horizon looks closer than usual, and while things haven't quite fallen into place yet, she's feeling more confident that they eventually will. "I'm at the end," she declares. "The idea of going for a session and not being with my kids or the idea of taking time away from Blake doesn't fuel my fire like it did two months ago. I need to decide, wrap it up, put out the project."
Crucially, there's no rush. The album will simply arrive sometime this year, tracklist and title currently undecided.
"You're talking to me at a weird transitional time," Stefani says repeatedly throughout our conversation, which sometimes takes on the cathartic tone of therapy. But having time in the first place is a new feeling.
Bracelet and choker: Dana Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's own, Clothing: Blumarine, Boots: Philipp Plein
NO DOUBT WERE A BAND for nine years before getting on the radio. Enough time for Stefani and bassist Tony Kanal to be in a long term relationship then break up and write a whole hit album about it. All of the Fleetwood Mac drama was resolved pre-fame, which enabled the group to capitalize on the surprise success of Tragic Kingdom singles like "Don't Speak" and "Just a Girl" with a world tour that lasted almost three years. Three more albums followed, and Stefani has reinforced her household name status in every decade since, launching a solo career and multiple fashion lines while never totally cutting the cord from her original musical project.
In other words, record executives have been dictating Stefani's schedule since the mid-'90s. She even sings about it on Love. Angel. Music. Baby opener "What You Waiting For," in which her biological clock ticks like a metronome. Interscope Co-Founder Jimmy Iovine, who discovered No Doubt and continued to work with Stefani on her solo output, was quick to point out that his client's prime childbearing years were also her last opportunity to cross over into pop stardom. And after her first record went number one, it only made sense to lay down some new tracks straight away.
"Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."
"I had the baby, the first one, and it was only like eight weeks after I had him, that Jimmy was calling me saying, you've got to go in the studio with Akon," Stefani recalls cheerfully. "Like, Akon wants to work with you. Like, no, I'm nursing my baby. But then I couldn't say no." And then? "We wrote 'Sweet Escape.'" And then? "I went on a world tour." And then? "In the month that I got home from that one hundred and whatever shows it was, I got pregnant with Zuma. So then that was that." (It wasn't. Admittedly: "Then it was like, No Doubt, let's do another record.")
Things are different now: "You can just drop singles and you don't have to put a record out. But if you want to put a record out, you can work on it slowly." But even as she talks of slowing down, speculating that she might not even go on tour after the pandemic ends, in the next sentence Stefani's back to admitting that there's more work to be done, that she wants to write a couple more songs for her new record, "just to make sure."
Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience) Choker: Chanel, Necklaces: Gwen's own, Gloves: Laurel DeWitt, Top: Local Boogeyman
"The creation is the thing that fuels me so much," she says. "Whether or not I get the response that I would hope to get — because that's what I'm used to, because I'm so damn spoiled and I've tasted the blood of success — I still got to do the creative journey."
Like any good lyricist, she reaches out to her listener, hoping to convey a more universal point. "It's just probably the same for you as a writer," she guesses. "You know, it's the anticipation. You're in it now. You're getting the information. This is what you live for. You're doing the interview and then you're going to write it. And that's going to be the challenge."
GWEN STEFANI WAS PUTTING out diary entry pop when Olivia Rodrigo was still in diapers and Taylor Swift was but a humble Pennsylvania Christmas tree heiress. She struggles to pen lyrics that aren't confessional ("I'm not a creative writer when it comes to like, 'Oh, let's just write a sad song about something that didn't happen to me'"), and occasionally re-traumatizes herself when performing old hits. Return of Saturn deep cut "Dark Blue" triggers "crazy, just horrible" recollections of a past relationship. Even "Don't Speak" felt emotional onstage in Vegas.
But after releasing an excruciating divorce album, This Is What the Truth Feels Like, in 2016, Stefani is back to writing happy songs only. She's getting married, after all. She won't be releasing any of her trademark breakup anthems anytime soon. "Girl," she laughs, "I think I've had my fair share."
Bow: Laurel DeWitt, Earrings: Lana Jewelry (The Residency Experience), Bracelets: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Shirt: Vintage Archive, Dress: Erdem, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)
Stefani and Shelton's relationship has puzzled some fans. Shelton, a country radio phenomenon, never endorsed Trump in the 2016 election, but he did come close. Earlier this year, he was criticized for releasing a song called "Minimum Wage," about finding small joys during periods of economic struggle, at the peak of a recession.
Is Gwen Stefani a Republican now? She's not offended by the question, or really anything I have to ask. She has been famous for so long that she expects and even embraces scrutiny. "If you're going to be a star, that's what you get," she says. "You know what I mean? You get what you get, and you don't get upset, at all."
As for her politics, it's read-between-the-lines."I can see how people would be curious, but I think it's pretty obvious who I am," she says. "I've been around forever. I started my band because we were really influenced by ska, which was a movement that happened in the late '70s, and it was really all about people coming together. The first song I ever wrote was a song called 'Different People,' which was on the Obama playlist, you know, a song about everyone being different and being the same and loving each other. The very first song I wrote."
One of very few multi-racial bands playing stadium shows for hoardes of American teenangers in the 1990s, No Doubt did very literally embody those second-wave ska principles of inclusion. Stefani even wore bindis and saris on stage as a symbol of cultural exchange with Kanal, who is Indian-American, briefly kickstarting a white girl facial jewelry trend that it's safe to say would not fly in 2021.
Rings (left): Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience)
"The Specials and The Selecter and all those groups, and what they were doing in the late '70s was this whole kind of anti-racism, we come together, Black and white ska movement," Stefani elaborates on the band's founding principles. "And we were sort of echoing that in the '80s when we did it, we were like the third generation of ska."
Ska she's always happy to discuss, but Stefani was brought up to keep her electoral preferences personal, and that rule has held for her entire career. "The whole point of voting, is you have this personal space to feel how you feel," she explains. "I use my platform to share my life story and to engage with people and to exchange whatever gift I was giving. I'm not a political science major. I am not that person. Everyone knows that. So why would I even talk about it?"
"I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me."
It never has been. Looking back, it's weird that "Just a Girl" is so integral to Gwen Stefani's brand. She's never written anything else with remotely the same message, and or publicly identified as a feminist. To Stefani, it's just a song about growing up, and "all of a sudden you realize your gender." It wasn't meant as a protest or anthem: in fact, being her breakout hit, she didn't think anyone other than her bandmates and some local fans would ever hear it.
"I don't even know if I knew what feminist at that time was," she says. "I was very sheltered growing up with my family. I wasn't political. I wasn't angry." Even now: "I don't need to go on Instagram and say 'girl power.' I just need to live and be a good person and leave a trail of greatness behind me. Stop talking about it and stop trying to bully everybody about it. Just do it. And that's how I feel like I've lived my life."
WHEN STEFANI WAS GROWING up in 1970s Anaheim, her father got a job doing market research for Yamaha, which required frequent business trips to Japan. He'd bring home Sanrio toys, as well as anecdotes about the Tokyo district of Harajuku, where teenagers were dressing like Elvis, and "taking all these American things and making them Japanese." His daughter was entranced. "He would be telling me these things my whole life, like my whole life. I had a deep fascination."
So when No Doubt played Japan in 1996, Stefani describes, "It was a pretty big deal for me." The tour was the first time she'd traveled outside of the United states, save one trip to Italy when she was 21. "I just was inspired," she recalls. "It's a world away. And at that time it was even further, because you couldn't see it on the internet. I don't think a younger generation can even imagine what it's like to not have access to the world."
From then on, Japan became one of Stefani's biggest career motivations, especially when it came to her solo albums. If she could just write more hits, she'd get to tour there again, see the street style, visit the vintage stores. "If you read the actual lyrics [in 'What You Waiting For?'], it talks about being a fan of Japan and how if I do good, I get to go back there," she says.
In the meantime, she decided she'd bring Japan to Los Angeles. "I never got to have dancers with No Doubt. I never got to change costumes. I never got to do all of those fun girl things that I always love to do. So I had this idea that I would have a posse of girls — because I never got to hang with girls — and they would be Japanese, Harajuku girls, because those are the girls that I love. Those are my homies. That's where I would be if I had my dream come true, I could go live there and I could go hang out in Harajuku."
Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience, Gold Necklaces: Gwen's own, Top: Local Boogeyman, Pants: GCDS, Shoes: Valentino
Dancers Maya Chino ("Love"), Jennifer Kita ("Angel"), Rino Nakasone ("Music") and Mayuko Kitayama ("Baby") would go on to accompany Stefani for her next two album cycles, dancing on stage and in her videos while also making silent, but very well-dressed, awards show appearances. Kita, who'd grown up in LA, visited Japan for the first time on Stefani's tour.
In a 2006 interview with Blender magazine, comedian Margaret Cho compared the Harajuku Girls to a minstrel show. The backlash against them has been consistent ever since. Stefani, to this day, disagrees.
"If we didn't buy and sell and trade our cultures in, we wouldn't have so much beauty, you know?" she says. "We learn from each other, we share from each other, we grow from each other. And all these rules are just dividing us more and more."
Hello Kitty merch was harder to come by when she was a kid, but in other ways, life felt easier. "I think that we grew up in a time where we didn't have so many rules. We didn't have to follow a narrative that was being edited for us through social media, we just had so much more freedom."
Earrings, bracelets and rings: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Necklaces: Gwen's own, Dress: GCDS, Shirt: Faith Connexion, Tights: Capezio, Shoes: Marc Jacobs (Lidow Archive)
Stefani's penchant for rule breaking has always been apparent in her music as much as her aesthetic. Genre-wise, she's a randomista. The chart success of No Doubt's bouncing ska beats felt like an accidental post-grunge-era glitch in the matrix, and it's insane to this day that one of Stefani's biggest solo hits samples "If I Were a Rich Man" from Fiddler on the Roof, by way of '90s British dancehall duo Louchie Lou & Michie One. That another, "Wind It Up," features earnest Sound of Music yodeling.
"I just make up whatever comes out," Stefani says of her songwriting process. "I don't even know where it comes from. I feel like it just comes from the source. It's not trained, and it's not perfect, it's just real."
She looks back on the Love.Angel.Music.Baby era as unusually experimental and artistically fulfilling. "It was just a really incredible time, and a very creative time. I feel like it was just a really creative project."
STEFANI VIEWS HER CAREER success as mostly a matter of luck. Pop stardom is God-given and mysterious."Because the fact I made it, it doesn't make any sense," she reflects. "It's written in the stars. You know what I'm saying? I'm not the most talented. I'm not the most pretty. I'm not the most smart. None of those things. But I made it, right?"
Clothing: Blumarine, Bracelet and choker: Dena Kemp (The Residency Experience), Obsession necklace: Lidow Archive, Gold necklaces: Gwen's Own
Every week on The Voice she watches objectively gifted musicians fail at becoming artists. "I watched people that went through that without seeing their faces, without knowing what color they are. And I chose the ones that pulled my heartstrings. And even though they were so talented, none of them have had careers. It's made me look at myself and even feel even more amazed by the fact that anyone cared or cares."
If all of this is actually so out of her control, then Stefani feels safe stepping back a little bit. "I don't have that fuel in me like I used to, because I already won," she says. And now she has other victories in mind. "Being a good human, a good mother. I want to have a good marriage. I want to be a good wife. I want to win at finding peace. I want to win at finding other hobbies that I'm good at."
But at the same time? "If I'm inspired, I'm going to try to do something with that inspiration." That's the most fun part: whatever else comes after has always been an amazing bonus.
The "Let Me Reintroduce Myself" era, whatever form it may eventually take, isn't a desperate grab at former glory. It's Stefani refusing to evolve for the sake of it. She's poking fun at the whole idea of having to compete with past personas alongside current ones, while acknowledging the fact she's grateful to still be in the game at all.
"You don't know what you're doing," she says, somehow both confident and resigned. "You're a cartoon of yourself at this point, and you don't know what people are thinking. They're wondering, what? Why are you still here? And I'm like, I don't know. They said I could be here. So I'm here!"
Photography: Jamie Nelson
Styling: Nicola Formichetti
Hair: Sami Knight
Makeup: Michael Anthony
Nails: Carolyn Orellana
Wardrobe director: Marta Del Rio
Production: Katrina Kudlick
Digitatech: Sean MacGillivray
Logo design: Luca Devinu
Story: Kat Gillespie
FROM YOUR SITE ARTICLES
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This whole post is full of things I’ve wanted to say for a very long time. So yes, this is going to be very long.
Before I begin, I just wanted to say I’m sorry to the innocent people who had nothing to do with this. I’ve never ever been involved with online/fandom drama before, I hate being in this position so fucking much with all my heart and soul, and I never thought in my whole life that I’d be in this position, either.
Secondly, this is about the DEF LEPPARD FANDOM ON TUMBLR. If you’re not part of this fandom, kindly fuck off :^) This is not about you.
This post explains why I feel this way. And to those innocent people who aren’t involved with this, I’m sincerely sorry if any of this has changed your opinions of me.
I’m in a mood and a half, so I’ll do my best to effectively tell everything from my perspective. Read if you want, but this is just what I’m thinking.
I’ve been running this blog for almost three years now. When I first joined this fandom on tumblr at the beginning of 2018, there wasn’t really a ‘fandom’ per se; all the main blogs were dead, no one ever really posted, and there wasn’t much content. I decided to start a DL blog of my own to vent my love into it and not spam my main account.
Within a month, I could quickly see that some sort of renaissance was happening in this fandom; more blogs were popping up, more people were posting, and more people were just participating in general. There were memes now, there were conversations now- it was great! There was a real community; it was all about sharing information, spewing our love, getting creative, and interacting!
There was integrity, and there was respect for the band as well as one another.
I, as part of this community, wanted to do everything in my physical power to contribute in any way I could. I was insanely active and hyper-productive and could not be stopped. I still haven’t stopped, but I certainly have slowed down significantly (due to lack of new activity from the band and increased mental health issues I won’t get into). I don’t want to be self-centered and say that I was “running” this branch of the fandom for the past 2.7 years, but I was certainly a big player in it, and I feel everyone agreed (and some still agree) with that as well.
There were some times where disagreements happened. There were times where many of us knew that someone else was crossing a line in a post. We knew what qualified as “not okay” in terms of being perverted and such. We’d solve this by not blaming, not hounding, not sending anon hate, not calling out, but by presenting facts, talking maturely, and trying to right the wrongs as maturely as we could.
Yes, it was possible. Was.
I don’t think you guys realize just how much content I’ve contributed to this fandom. I have spent basically every single day of the past 3-ish years trying to spread information/content/photos/videos/links/etc. to everyone who follows me (and everyone who doesn’t). This fandom was (and I cannot stress this enough), literally my entire life for the past 3 odd years, and I really wanted to spend the rest of my life contributing to it the way I’ve been.
I don't think anyone on here realizes everything that I have done for this community. Because of me:
this fandom has access to Animal Instinct for free
this fandom has access to the rare picture disc interview
this fandom has numerous scans of photos that may have not ended up online otherwise (I also paid $70 to have access to some of these. You're welcome.)
we have Fabulist Icons content
we have a decent amount of fanfiction that doesn't only focus on the boys banging each other/sex in general (seriously, this simply didn’t exist on here before I started posting my shit)
we have a little more fan art
we have content from Phil's and Ross's books
we have hundreds (yes, literally, HUNDREDS) of edits/moodboards/memes/etc. that I made myself
we have gifsets of things that no one else would have made
we have achieved justice a lot of the time when content was stolen because I have defended everyone without question/rallied up armies the second I heard it happened
some of you have gotten updates on news/facts/history/details/etc. that you’ve never even heard of
probably a shit ton more things, but that’s all I can think of for now. You get the point.
But that’s only half the story. This band and fandom has given me so much to cherish over the past few years.
Because of this fandom and the people (that were once) in it, I have:
met Rick in person
met, quite honestly, my two best friends ever, @ballistic-lipstick-dream-machine (my true Terror Twin) and @paper-sxn (adopted little sister/cousin)
became in contact with Phil's guitar tech from the mid-80s (Mike)
gained creative ambition to play guitar, create art, write stories, make edits/gifs, travel, and basically just better myself
began a record collection that is now in the hundreds and gained a lot of knowledge from it
discovered a whole new genre of music
found a community/culture where, for the very very first time in my life, I felt like I BELONGED.
fallen in love with something and someone for the first time
felt like I actually mattered to people, like I was actually important (because people would always come to me for information or help if they needed it)
basically impacted every corner of my life
just about a million other things, too, but I will be here all night if I try to list them all.
To put it delicately: Def Leppard and this fandom on tumblr absolutely changed my life, and was the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.
I have spread so much information around, you newer people wouldn't imagine. I have gathered and seen so much information, you wouldn't believe how much I know and how much I've learned. I have bounced back and forth between formats time after time again that I feel like I’m stuck in a time warp. I have edited so many things on non-professional programs that I am an MS paint expert. I have been here so long, that I’ve seen 98% of the people in this branch of the fandom rotate in and out at least two or three times.
That being said, all of the toxic people in this fandom will most likely be gone within the next 6 months.
Def Leppard has taught me so much, but a big thing was love and loyalty. It's clear that the majority of people in this fandom (read my lips- I am N O T saying anyone’s names. I mean that.) do not know the meanings of either of these words. I've been practically running this fandom on Tumblr for nearly three years now, you’ve seen all that I’ve done for you, and what have I gotten in return?
Slander, cyberbullying, disrespect, consistently stolen content, etc. That’s what I’ve gotten. I’ve never attacked anyone on here, and that is still something I won’t do.
Yes, I am against slash fic, and I can’t believe that THAT’S the only reason why I’m being torn down like this. Something so dumb and immature as that has torn my beloved community in half. I have never attacked ANYONE for writing slash fic, yet I’ve been getting attacked since August (it is November now) for simply believing it is wrong to openly admit you want the boys to fuck each other.
(I’d also like to point out that someone from the KISS fandom ((god knows why)) had the balls to call me “homophobic” for hating slashfic. I can’t even begin to explain how much I laughed at that.)
I just wanna say that these are REAL people you’re writing about, you know. Don’t you think THEY would be against it? I know I cannot stop anyone from writing slash (I’ve said that before, but no one seems to remember it). I don’t think any of you realize that there is a certain line you shouldn’t cross when it comes to the internet, and being perverted in such an explicit and disrespectful way is one of them. We always had integrity in this fandom, and slash was never part of something we stood for. We knew when to stop, and we kept the slash on rockfic.com (where it belongs imo. That’s like their element).
I was very confused when more slash fics started appearing on tumblr this year. Now, it seems like that’s all there is, and I’m disgusted.
Whenever something close to that happened in 2018, everyone would be totally against it, and we’d talk it out and explain. While we all had our fair share of horny (and maybe then some) in this fandom, but we always knew where to draw the line. That was the line. That line doesn’t exist anymore, apparently, and nobody knows how to be mature and respectful to the band, to each other, and just for fuck’s sake. Now, I’m being slammed that being perverted for them fucking their best friends is “just fandom, bitch” and “the norm” and that it’s done “out of respect”, which I will never understand. You can’t use “slash” and “respectful” in the same sentence, and you can’t change my mind, but I know I can’t change yours, either.
Slash is not, nor will it ever be, respectful. This fandom has become toxic.
Fanfiction is an outlet for creativity to be used for fun, not to be used as an excuse to project your sexually perverted sexuality headcannons/fetishes onto innocent, REAL, LIVE people. If all you write/read is them having sex with each other, then it really makes you wonder if it’s about “respect” anymore, doesn’t it?
In my opinion it’s fucked up that it’s “normal” and “just part of fandom” to create sexualities for- again- REAL, LIVE PEOPLE, and it’s everyone’s first instinct to argue that it’s fine, apparently? If you “respect” your idols so much like you claim you do, then why don’t you maybe respect their actual orientations instead of creating masturbation material for random 12 year olds and boomers, perhaps?
I don’t know what I did that was so fucking wrong in your eyes, as I’ve always tried to keep integrity in this area of tumblr.
I'm very deeply hurt, more than I've ever been by this. It physically hurts me to admit that this fandom has become as toxic as it currently is. I don’t feel welcome here anymore at all, despite practically running things on here for so long.
I don’t know how I could ever live without this fandom, but now it looks like I’m going to have to try, or at least try and rebuild it on my own (again). I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop posting about Def Leppard, and after all, I only started posting about them for myself to begin with.
We were supposed to be the good fandom, the happy fandom, the fandom with no drama. I am ashamed to be associated with you now. I tried to stop it as best as I could, and hoped people would back me up, but I’ve received nothing but hate for simply trying to preserve some dignity.
You guys have been immature to say the least, and I find it very hard to believe that some of you are legal adults (but let’s be honest; most of you toxic people are probably too young to even be behind a computer, anyway).
I’ve had to block some people that I really didn’t want to, but the deed is done. Keep your slash to yourself, tag it, do a read more, post it somewhere else, even- that’s how you co-exist. Just don’t come after me because I think it’s wrong. I never came after anyone specifically like that.
This isn’t goodbye, but I certainly am leaving for a while. I hope I got my point, my history, and my perspective across.
And I hope you’re fucking happy, because you’ve destroyed something I loved.
-Rachel
#also to helena_s_renn on rockfic: suck my dick bitch :3#thank you to those who have messaged me and been kind#time to watch my follower count dwindle at the speed of sound#goodbye
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Essential Avengers: Avengers #221: ... New Blood!
July, 1982
A semi-famous somewhat imitated cover!
Can you guess ahead of time which two will be joining the Avengers?
No cheating.
Actually, what’s funny is that I can imagine a Young Bendis looking at this cover, seeing Luke Cage, Spider-Man, and Wolverine all in a row like that and whispering to himself ‘one day... one day...’
Spider-Woman is even on this! This is almost the roster meme that Bendis would have selected his team out of.
Just as soon as he cleared the way by killing off Ant-Man and Hawkeye.
Anyway, I like the cute touch that there’s just a completely blank square for Sue Storm. And is she really still going by Invisible Girl at this point?
-google- Ah, Invisible Woman is still a few years off.
And at risk of spoiling, I like the cover pretending that Rom (Space Knight) could feasibly join the Avengers. Although that would have made a hilarious mess when the rights lapsed. A whole swathe of Avengers comics unavailable.
So, where are we at?
Last times on Avengers: Captain America decided that the Avengers had become too unwieldy. They’d settled into a filler rut and Cap wanted them to be lean and mean.
So the old order changeith’d! And Moondragon meddled, causing half of the old team to quit. But Cap got his lean team of himself, Thor, Iron Man, Wasp, Yellowjacket, and Tigra.
And then Yellowjacket Hank Pym had an ‘attempted murder out of insecurity’ breakdown and tried to murder his friends and was a very bad husband to Wasp as well.
So Yellowjacket was out and Wasp took some personal time.
It was just Cap, Thor, Iron Man, and Tigra. And then Tigra quit.
Wasp rejoined but the trim team of six had become anemic at four and after some space mishaps, its finally time to try to do something about that.
As Iron Man declares in title-of-the-issue font they need some ... NEW BLOOD!
And Wasp declares ‘yes we all know that already we’ve just been putting it off.’
(And they finally got the big meeting table back from the cleaners or wherever its been. Thank goodness)
But the question that Chairperson Wasp poses the team is should they re-induct some ex-members or go looking for some truly new blood?
Thor is brooding on the recent events, where Moondragon manipulated the Avengers previous roster shakeup and later when Moondragon took over a planet and got Thor to fight his friends.
So Thor’s point, by way of dwelling, is that they should be careful with who they choose.
Thor: “Thus can no action, no thought made by any of us in the last weeks be truly, absolutely claimed as our own. Not even... mine.”
There we go. There’s that good Moondragon induced paranoia I was hoping for.
And character wise, I do like that there’s fallout from the Ba-Bani misadventure. Whether being forced to fight his friends or being made to fall in love with Moondragon or being convinced to side with her plan to bring mandatory peace to the universe. Thor has been affected by what happened.
Cap suggests that they clear the slate and just judge potential members on their current qualifications.
So what qualifications should potential Avengers have?
Captain America: “Compatibility. Someone who can work in a team.”
Iron Man: “And technical expertise. Perhaps someone good with weaponry.”
Thor: “We’ve enough strength, methinks. But courage is important. Aye, and a noble heart.”
Wasp: “Well, I know exactly what this group needs. More girls!”
Good suggestions. All good suggestions. But very good suggestion from Wasp.
I know that two women on one team is the low bar that Avengers tends to reach but you know what’s worse? One women on one team. And you know what’s better? Three.
Think about it.
The meeting gets cut short because Jan has to go do Jan things like show off fashion at the Tavern on the Green but she tells the others to figure out who they’d like as new Avengers and then they’ll all decide at their meeting next week.
As the Avengers all head off, Captain America mentions to Iron Man that hey remember how Hawkeye used to be an Avenger all the time? Weren’t those good times? He worked well on the team, was real into being an Avenger.
Iron Man agrees that sure is a Thought but flies off thinking more about Jan’s suggestion to have more women on the team, albeit probably for less than pure reasons.
Thor meanwhile doesn’t have anywhere to be so sits down in the sitting room and reads a Time magazine.
Jarvis brings Thor some mead and Thor asks who Jarvis would enlist for the Avengers if Jarvis was given the choice.
Jarvis is surprised to be asked but does his best to speak off the cuff.
Jarvis: “Why, I - I really hadn’t given it much thought! But since you ask, I feel that some of the best Avengers have started as the most unlikely candidates. For example, those with strongly individual, independent natures seem to have worked out surprisingly well.”
You’re a good guy, Jarvis.
And you’ve got a good point. Since the Avengers were pretty much everyone who wasn’t on a team jammed onto a team together, the Avengers kind of have as foundation strongly individual independent superheroes managing to do a teamwork anyway.
And Thor just so happens to be reading the Time magazine that has a picture of Spider-Man on the front (along with “Friend or Menace?”) and thinks huh individual and independent??
Oh boy!
Spider-Man going to be offered a spot on the Avengers? Is it 2005 already?
Goofs aside, this is an interesting callback maybe.
All the way back in Amazing Spider-Man Annual #3 (November, 1966) which I didn’t cover but probably should have if this was a more comprehensive Avengers blog but then I may have died under the enormity of the task.
Uh, that sentence got away from me.
Anyway, in that Spider-Man Annual, the Avengers debate whether to recruit Spider-Man for their team. Thor is the one there to find Spider-Man and bring him to the mansion. The Avengers decide to test him and (after Spider-Man tries to beat up the entire team because that’s what Spider-Man thinks proving himself is) they send him to bring the Hulk back with him.
He finds the Hulk and fights the Hulk but Hulk turns back to Bruce Banner and Spider-Man feels bad for Bruce and doesn’t want to turn him over to the Avengers (not knowing that they want to help Hulk). So he comes back and says welp couldn’t find him guess I’m not Avengers material byyyyyye.
The other Avengers go huh I guess he wasn’t Avengers material but Thor seemed to suspect what had really happened.
So my rambling point is that its appropriate that Thor again thinks to recruit Spider-Man for the Avengers because of that previous story.
Later in the day, Iron Man calls Captain America.
Although as Cap points out they know each other’s civilian name now so why be formal?
Iron Man: “Captain America? This is Iron Man.”
Captain America: “Hey, Tony, let’s make it ‘Steve,’ okay? I’m off duty.”
So Tony “Iron Man” Stark has managed to stop thinking about more woman on the Avengers and has actually started to think about having Hawkeye back on the Avengers and has to admit, it sounds good to him!
So Captain Steve says they should go together tomorrow and see what Hawkeye thinks.
This is a nice sequence.
Its nice to see how the two learning each other’s identity plays out like this. Tony trying to stick to how they’ve known each other and Steve making a not subtle overture for them to become more familiar.
This is probably good shipping fodder, I realize!
But it is also good friendshipping fodder. It can be both.
Elsewhere and meanwhile, at the Van Dyne residence, Janet puts her own recruitment drive into... drive?
She’s invited every super-heroine in the country she can think of to brunch but she has no idea how to get a hold of She-Hulk.
Not even her state of the art computer system can find her! Granted, the state of the art computer system is for analyzing fashion forecasts and not news reports about She-Hulk sightings.
So Jan decides that if you want a She-Hulk you’ve got to spend a little green.
She has her assistant take out a bunch of full-page ads in all of the major west coast newspapers. And heck, buy a bunch of commercial time too!
Jan is going to do some I Want You (to Join the Avengers) ads!
She is ludicrously wealthy.
I went and checked and her original inheritance was ‘only’ three million dollars but the way that she throws around money I’m pretty sure she has managed to get some lucrative investments. That or she’s just super good at being a fashionista.
Granted, blowing a bunch of money for a chance to have brunch with She-Hulk is a pretty good reason to blow a bunch of money.
Later, as twilight comes, Thor is flying around Central Park because he has no idea how to find Spider-Man but hears that he’s often around “the meadow-lands called Central Park” and happens upon three goofuses who just robbed a pawnshop.
These goofuses are such goofuses that one of them is wearing groucho glasses as a disguise. Another one is wearing a clown mask.
Which, like a moth to fire, aggros Spider-Man just to mock the guy.
I’m pretty sure rather than flying around aimlessly, the best way to find Spider-Man is to create the perfect quip opportunity.
A clown: “I’m gonna kiss every dime o’ my share -- just as soon as we get to the hideout so’s I can take off this stupid mask!”
Spider-Man, suddenly: “Aw, c’mon, Bunky, leave it on! I’ve always wanted to bust a bozo who looks like a bozo!”
Groucho: “S-s-spider-Man!”
S-s-spider-Man: “But enough of this clowning! Wanna give up?”
Dangit, Peter. Good wordplay.
But before can catch these thieves just like flies, down came the rain and washed the spider out.
A sudden, inexplicable (cough cough Thor) localized storm tosses around the thieves until they surrender.
After the police lead away the goofus thieves, Spider-Man comes dripping wet and with a bone to pick.
Spider-Man: “Do you have any idea what it’s like running around in wet tights?”
Thor is like sorry bro but I’ve come to talk so Spider-Man agrees but they’ll need to go off somewhere private because the press is honing in on him to ask him bonkers questions about whether he came in a flying saucer.
I think they’re thinking of a certain emissary of hell.
That darn press!
Spider-Man and Thor relocate to a high rooftop for their talk.
Spider-Man: “Now, Goldilocks, what’s your beef?”
Thor: “Thy protective demeanor is unneeded, my friend. I have no ‘beef’ -- only a proposal. The Avengers are seeking new members, and I wouldst offer thee such position.”
Spider-Man: “You... Thor... want me as an Avenger?
Spider-Man is still not sure if it would work out (reflecting on Spider-Man Annual #3) but he’s also really flattered by the offer. And presumably how the offer wasn’t accompanied by “BUT FIRST YOU MUST PASS OUR TEST!”
So he can’t just accept the offer off-hand but he’s definitely going to think about it.
Even if you don’t join the team, even just being considered is an honor.
The twilight turns into night turns into day, and Cap and Iron Man show up in Hawkeye’s place of business to bug him.
Don’t know if you remember but Hawkeye has a cushy job as head of security for Cross Technological Enterprises. And he actually does take the job seriously which is why he’s a little concerned, at least for his professional pride, that Cap and Iron Man got past his guards.
Cap: “Avengers priority -- never leave home without it. In fact, we’ve come to offer it to you.”
Smooth. Smooth, Cap.
Although I do like that they can just march up to the guards of this company and go ‘hey let us in we’re avengers’ and its not even a ‘ok i’ll clear it with head of security hawkeye’ its ‘yeah sure go right in and do you want any paperclips?’
Anyway, Hawkeye has his pride so he tells Cap not to expect him to come crawling back after the Avengers booted him out (actually Gyrich because Gyrich wanted the Avengers to have some ding dang diversity. Its weirdly the least assholeish thing he’s ever done although he approached it very much in an asshole way).
Point being, they kicked Hawkeye out and he has a new super cool job now.
Iron Man takes this show of wounded pride in wounded stride, just asking that Hawkeye consider it and let them know when he makes a decision.
But Hawkeye doubts he’ll decide to come back to the Avengers because he’s got a good thing in this steady, respectable paying job which comes with job security and respect!
And then, suddenly struck by the realization that he, Hawkeye, is turning down a drama implosion like the Avengers to do the adult thing?? Hawkeye doesn’t like what he’s become.
And he stares in horror at the trappings of power and respectability. The sex and the drugs.
Or a Playboy magazine and a personalized coffee cup, at least.
And he decides to give Iron Man his answer right then and there.
Which, of course, involves shooting arrows. This is Hawkeye we’re talking about.
What’s amazing is that we’ll learn later this issue that he’s going to keep his security job and do Avengers on top of that (and in fairness most of the Avengers don’t have Avengers as their only thing). But he just shot an arrow through a glass door in his place of employment.
But you don’t hire Hawkeye if you don’t expect that kind of thing so I can see why it wouldn’t impact his job.
So that’s Hawkeye as a YES and Spider-Man as a ‘I’ll get back to you.’ And as the weekend arrives, it’s time for Janet van Dyne’s superheroine brunch.
And on the hill above the van Dyne house, its our old pal Fabian Stankowicz.
Remember? The Mechano-Marauder? Built a robot suit to beat up the Avengers, none of them took him that seriously? Iron Man beat him up solo without trying very hard and then got angry about Hank Pym?
Anyway, he’s back, somehow, and he’s salty about the less than dignified experience he had in issue 217. But this time, he has a new plan!
Fabian Stankowicz: “They laughed at me! Mocked me! But I’ll show the Avengers that the Mechano-Marauder is not to be toyed with! I’ll attack their weakest member when the others aren’t around! She’ll be helpless! *Heh-heh-heh*”
Well. Good luck with that, my dude.
Sue Storm-Richards, the Invisible Girl, arrives and Jan introduces her to the other prospective Avengers: Dazzler, Spider-Woman, and Black Widow.
All good candidates, really.
Especially Dazzler.
Well, Beast left and Tigra left so somebody needs to be the new funny person.
Apparently, Spider-Woman doesn’t like puns because she immediately starts getting catty with Dazzler.
Spider-Woman: “Nice going, Blaire! You’re showing all the polish and poise of a real pro!”
Dazzler: “Oh? And I suppose crawling on walls like some yucky insect is ‘professional’?”
Spider-Woman: “I sting, too”
I guess, they have some history in Dazzler’s own book that didn’t go over well. Black Widow has to lean over and tell them to cut the shit out for Jan’s sake.
But then the last invited guest shows up.
ITS A SHE-HULK!
She saw the ads and she’s come for the free food!
Relatable.
Outside, Jan’s chauffeur Mr. Carrothers sits on the limo taking a smoke break and reflecting how good he has it working for the Wasp. Good pay, casual hours. The most he can complain about is that it gets a little boring sometimes.
That’s probably tempting fate because the All-New All-Different Mechano-Marauder stomps up to the house. Remember how Fabian threw the limo last time? Mr. Carrothers remembers.
He panics and runs into the house and tries to warn the assembled heroes.
And yet.
They didn’t really leap to action, huh? I mean, I get it. Brunch.
Even after the robot fist has punched through Wasp’s frankly ludicrous window and kidnapped Dazzler, Wasp is more annoyed than anything.
Wasp: “Fabian Stankowicz, you get that thing out of my living room!”
And then has to explain to her guests that Fabian is some chump that Iron Man beat up and that he wants to make a name for himself by defeating the Avengers. And Sue is like ah yes I understand completely.
But chump or not, Black Widow decides that they should rescue Dazzler.
Dazzler: “I don’t think I need saving, folks! This guy’s just holding, not squeezing!”
And so much for the brunch bunch taking this any amount of serious.
Sue just puts up a quick invisible dome to keep Fabian from getting to the rest of them which the Mechano-Marauder instantly bonks into and bangs on impotently demanding that they let him in.
Careful, Fabian.
You’re memeing yourself.
Dazzler saves herself when she gets tired of being carried around. She does her Dazzler thing with the bright pulse of light, blinding Fabian.
He drops Dazzler but she’s caught by She-Hulk.
The blinded Mechano-Marauder drives around blindly, thinking “These women aren’t even Avengers! They can’t beat me!”
Alas, Dazzler decides the same decision she decided in #211, that she’s a singer, not a fighter.
And Sue also decides to head off, saying that she’s too busy with the Fantastic Four anyway.
Shame.
But can we talk about the sheer audacity that Jan had of trying to poach Sue from the Fantastic Four to the Avengers? The nerve! The verve!
So that’s two of her candidates declining but that still leaves Spider-Woman, Black Widow, and She-Hulk.
And unfortunately for Mechano-Marauder, the first two are the two that have decided to kick his ass a little for entertainment reasons.
Spider-Woman’s venom blast damages one of the giant robot fists and Black Widow swings around Hoth-style and trips the Mechano-Marauder into the ornamental pond.
Alas, after literally dunking a giant robot into a pond, both Spider-Woman and Black Widow turn down the offer to join the Avengers.
Black Widow has private business that are keeping her busy. And Spider-Woman doesn’t even offer an excuse.
In fairness, she has her own solo book over in California and that’s a heck of a commute. I’m actually impressed that she came all this way for brunch.
Fabian is fed up with being treated as an after-thought in his own fight scene and bursts out of the pond, yelling how he’s going to destroy them all!
All.... uh, two that’s left at this point. Yup, he sure is going to destroy all two of them.
She-Hulk has been fairly low-key this whole story, especially for She-Hulk. I’m pretty sure she came to the brunch just for the food and she hasn’t reacted much to Fabian, even when the others were. She caught Dazzler but she hasn’t had much to say since arriving. She’s mostly been standing with her hands on her hips, watching things play out.
But I guess she’s gotten tired of Fabian. Or maybe it falls to her as the last guest.
She tells him to shut up and breaks his robot suit with one punch.
Fabian has one last trick up his Mechano-Marauder sleeve but its a dumb one.
His ejector seat is actually a backup robot suit. Annnd, its so heavy that it sinks into the ground. Trapping him.
Good job, Fabian.
She-Hulk goes to give him one more punch but Wasp stops her. Because she wants a shot at him.
And wow! What a shot!
At full not small size she crosses the streams to focus her bio-power stings into one concentrated beam and blows a hole in Fabian’s escape suit.
I’ve talked before about how Wasp’s pew pew stings have seemingly gotten souped up under Shooter and I think this is another good example. I mean, she’s not blowing up a house but combining the blasts to do precision boring is another cool application we haven’t seen before.
Anyway, now Wasp goes teeny and flies into the hole she made and up into the helmet to blast Fabian in the face. So hard his helmet flies off.
Wasp: “That’ll teach ‘im for ruining my party!”
And that’s that for brunch.
Days later, Jarvis calls the State Department to request official clearance for two new members.
And we see part of the process of that. Interesting if you’re interested in the logistics of an officially recognized superhero team.
I guess what’s interesting is that Henry Peter Gyrich is still part of the process.
You’d think he’d have been replaced or something after the Avengers very publicly embarrassed him and got emancipated from him. I guess he keeps doing the necessary liaison stuff without ever talking to them.
The requests for the two new members cross Gyrich’s desk and he takes it to the White House where the request gets signed by Ronald Reagan.
(The two new members are Hawkeye and She-Hulk by the by. We see it on the paperwork. Guess Spider-Man is still thinking it over.)
Anyway, I guess its interesting that new Avengers are a matter that goes all the way up to the president.
God, I’m glad that for the modern team, Cap told the US government to fuck off because I don’t want to even think about that still being a thing.
The next day after the paperwork is signed, Hawkeye is on his way to Avengers Mansion in a cab. He’s reading a Time magazine about the change in the Avengers’ roster and reflecting that it’ll be hard to hold down two jobs but worth it because he’s missed the adventure.
Check out the Time magazine though.
The cover of this comic book issue is in-universe the cover of Time magazine! That’s neat.
But Hawkeye’s cab is suddenly cut off by a pink Cadillac.
And Hawkeye being Hawkeye doesn’t just grumble and go about his day. He commits assault. Because this is Hawkeye.
The guy that Cap and Iron Man wanted back for being a good team-player.
So he gets out of the cab and shoots the pink Cadillac with an EMP arrow that fries the car’s electrical system.
Really abusing that Avengers Priority Status already, huh, Hawkeye?
The one mistake he made is that the pink Cadillac belongs to She-Hulk. She in fact earned it by doing a car commercial for Wacky Willie’s Wheels-And-Deals so you might imagine she’s fond of it.
So she picks up the cab with Hawkeye in it and leans it against a lightpole.
And then she picks up the Cadillac on her shoulder and walks off with it.
She-Hulk knows how to make a lasting impression, I’ll say that.
But soon after he gets down from the taxi and stops in at an ER to make sure he’s not concussed, Hawkeye arrives at Avengers Mansion to rejoin the team.
Hawkeye: “Okay, folks, life can go on -- Hawkeye’s here!”
Iron Man: “And it’s about time! We were starting to get worried. What happened?”
Hawkeye: “Oh, nothin’ much -- not ‘til some freaky Amazon tried to play dominoes with my taxi!”
She-Hulk, lurking silhouetted by the window: “‘Amazon’, eh? I don’t suppose it could have been -- a green Amazon?”
That is a powerful energy you have there, She-Hulk. Powerful energy and a power move in a power suit.
And that’s how Hawkeye’s day was ruined. Also how the two new additions to the team start with bad blood.
Conflict! We gotta have it!
Wasp: “Hawkeye, She-Hulk. I’d like to officially welcome you both. From now on -- you’re one of us. We’re one of you. And we’re all -- THE AVENGERS!”
Jan’s trying a new thing where she kisses every new member. And they both have to bend down a little for her.
Also, another new Wasp costume! Wasp gonna Wasp!
This is another good, light-hearted decompression issue. The Moondragon two-parter had some yuks but also mind-control sex and Drax’s brain melting. So this time Wasp throws a brunch and Cap and Iron Man help Hawkeye escape the drudgery of an adult job.
There’s a lot of what could have been with Wasp’s guest list. What if she could convince Sue Storm to take a break from the Fantastic Four to try being on the Avengers.
She’ll join later, in the Worst Roster but she’ll join with Reed. I’m thinking more of a thing where Sue gets some time away from the family. I don’t think it could last long and it would need the Avengers and FF writer to be on the same page but I think it could be interesting - Sue getting to be on a team where she doesn’t have to be the adult in the room and doesn’t have to work alongside the family.
It’s a similar reason to why I’d like to see adult Cyclops join the Avengers. He’s so tied in with X-stuff and being the leader of X-stuff that I want to take him out of that context and see a new side of him.
Spider-Woman and Black Widow also could have been interesting. They’ll both become Avengers later. I don’t know that Dazzler ever did and she presents interesting opportunities.
The Avengers have had Wonder Man who was also trying to break into acting while being an Avenger. So Dazzler trying to pursue her singing career might just be a retread of that but what if she were more successful and was a celebrity on the team.
The Avengers kind of are celebrities but I think it’d be a different feel if they had a famous (disco) singer on the team.
Interesting stuff (for me) to think about, anyway.
Something else to talk about is the creative credits. Jim Shooter is credited for plotting but Dave Michelinie as writer. And looking ahead, Shooter is not going to be the solo writer again in the near future.
I think we’re getting to the point where Shooter’s going to be too busy with EIC duties to keep up writing the Avengers. He’s going to get plotting credits for a few more issues, probably loose threads he’s handing to other writers.
So the second Shooter run is going to end soon. Shame. Very much a shame. It wasn’t a very long run but he put a lot of energy and humor into the book.
Next time: Egghead’s back and he’s bringing a new Masters of Evil. Wow, it’s been a while since we’ve had them and they’re supposed to be the Avengers’ evil opposite team.
And Egghead is the not very impressive criminal mastermind who couldn’t beat Hank Pym so instead framed him for crime. Hopefully the new Masters rise above that level of menace.
Follow @essential-avengers because I’m bringing you the She-Hulk content you crave. I assume. I took a poll and one out of one person said ‘this is the She-Hulk content I crave’ and I extrapolated from that. Also you should like and reblog because She-Hulk would want you to.
#Avengers#Mechano Marauder#Iron Man#Captain America#Thor#the Wasp#Spider Man#Hawkeye#Invisible Girl#Dazzler#Spider Woman#she hulk#Black Widow#essential avengers#ten issues since the last one that had a bunch of guest stars#its a bunch of guest stars and a roster change!#essential marvel liveblogging
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hi, i love your blog. Is there anything you've learned recently? (may belong to old times, ı just want y*zhan ) I missed y*zhan very much. a lot of gossip is spinning but I'm not sure and that makes me unhappy, which is real and which is a lie and ıs these will harm y*zhan? ı thinking this
Hi, anon! Well, there are two parts in this, so I’ll start with the easy and pretty part.
You’d be surprised, but almost every day I find something new that’s can be considered not reaching too far into the realm of coincidences. And yes, this all belongs to “old” info.
Disclaimer: this is all fake, don’t take seriously.
I present exhibit A:
We all know of the heart and dot thing from the commercial dd filmed a while ago.
© FallenCity0805
Then I saw dd’s Valentine’s Day post:
It’s actually quite noticeable, the little beauty mark on the smalles heart. Not likely to be an accident, not when all of the drawing is actually clean lines and there’s no other dot anywhere. But what I hadn’t noticed is that turning the picture to the right 90º, it can be read as “love Bo”. Reaching too far? Maybe it is, but the beauty mark is undeniable.
Exhibit B: I saw this video a few days ago. This event had a few of moments between gg and dd (including the moment gg smiles during his performance, when he sees the “zhan-ge, didi ai ni” sign).
So someone got a video of dd’s reaction during XZ’s “game” (the hosts asked him to make different expressions for different situations).
“Shopping for the person you love”: gg makes a thumbs up, dd smiles and makes a little thumbs-up gesture too. It’s looks like gg is looking towards dd (but I think that based on where dzs is looking and his reaction).
“Getting a red package”: gg’s surprised expression and putting his palms together and shaking them (拜). Note that in here, as soon as dd hears the question, he knows what gg would do, and he puts his hands together and shakes them even before gg hears the whole sentence. So cute of him to know how gg would react.
What I like the most about this one is the reaction of the people around them.
In the first one, the face of the host was actually made into a meme meaning “surprise”:
This is a screenshot from the host’s w/ibo account, and the text says: “what did I see at that moment! Hahahaha”.
And, of course, dzw’s reaction. I’ve nothing to add to that.
In the second one, what’s noteworthy is the reaction of the girls that are seating next to dd. He doesn’t drop his hands when one of them turns to him laughing, but then, the man looks at him, and the girl and the man start talking. DD drops his hands and stops smiling (we don’t know what happened there, but at first dd just kept on smiling even though what he was doing was noticed by the people around him).
And we have exhibit C, which is this short video. There’s actually a long one with more moments like this one from that interview, but I couldn’t find it.
And here ends the first part of the post. The second part:
I missed y*zhan very much. a lot of gossip is spinning but I'm not sure and that makes me unhappy, which is real and which is a lie and ıs these will harm y*zhan? ı thinking this
As public figures there’s always going to be gossips about them, whether is about them together or them with other people, or them doing whatever. I think what’s “real” is what comes from official sources, events, interviews... and things you mostly see retweeted or posted on SNs, that almost always looks false will be a lie.
Because these things has harmed them before, now there is a disclaimer and a water mark on most things to prevent media and antis from using them. But sometimes antis don’t even need things to work with, they’d just make things up if it’s needed to stir problems.
What I think would be best in those cases: block, report, don’t engage. These accounts sometimes thrive because the platform pays them after they amass a certain number of followers (sometimes it’s just senseless hate). People with grudges against xz because of 227 (unreasonable, but again, trying to understand every person’s logic is impossible), or whatever reason notice these accounts and follow them. So I think avoiding this outcome would be the best, and if a hate account isn’t profitable, the most likely outcome is that it’ll be dropped.
So they need to get visibility, and sometimes is bxg, xfx and mtjj (because it also applies to dd) engaging with them in pointless arguments what gives them the visibility. The same can be applied to gossip to is most likely to be false: if the comments gets to 9k with people debating and arguing about why it’s false, it’ll get views and more people will engage with them.
That’s the reason why someone notorious get nominated to things like “bad acting”. The organizers want people to see their event, to engage with it, even if it’s to say “that’s bullshit”. The nomination has nothing to do with actual acting skills, but rather that they want visibility. So if you see this kind of things, don’t even bother looking it up, because that’s what they want, and that’s why they use them.
In summary: spread love + ignore what comes from celeb gossip sites and antis.
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Yes, I still love Eren
Ok, I didn't want to write this whole post because I don't like to discuss with other people and I always try to be patient, be quiet and just ignore this kind of stuff and keep moving foward with my life, but this is getting on my nerves.
Sometimes I wonder if some people on this fandom are a bunch of kids or teenagers who never have read/watch cruel and complex fiction stories before, like Berserk, Game of thrones, Evangelion, The last of us, etc, or just people so dumb they can't differ ficction from reality...
Repeat with me: people can love villains, people can love drama and horror in ficction and that doesn't mean those people are bad :)
It's frustating being an Eren's fan, because some people just can't understand that you can love villains and characters who are assasins or a bad person IN FICTION without being pro genocide in real life. Seriously, people SHOULD know the difference between fiction and reallity.
I love Eren Jaeger, because he's complex, well written and one of the most interesting MC I've seen in my life. I love the "hero-to-villain" arcs (like Anakin Skywalker). I love a lot of characters who are not good people because of their complex backstories, personnality or conflicted development. Ex: Joel of TLOU murdered a lot of innocent people at the ending only to save ONE person, but you can understand why he's doing that, despite you don't like his actions.
Besides, you know what? "White and perfect" heroes are boring.
A lot of people is saying now "I hate Eren, uuuhhh, you're a bad person if you love him uhhhh, Eren is the worst, he's the baddest of all the characters, the members of Alliance are the only good ones, Eren must die" only because in the last chapter we've seen the collosals trampling babies... seriously?? Yeah, I was shocked too and I feel sick and sad the first time I read it, but I can deal with it because SnK was ALWAYS cruel.
I guess people just conveniently decided to forget a lot of details of the first arcs and seasons.
Heeey, remember when Annie killed a lot of soldiers, all the Levi's squad and a lot of innocent people in the Central district while she was fighting agains Eren and the Survey Corps? She even played to yo-yo with one the the soldiers hahah :D Do you remember that Eren DIDN'T want to fight agains her and only did it because his comrades Armin Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Levi and others FORCED HIM to fight? oh, and innocent children suffered and died too in the middle of that fight. But of course, people just don't talk about it, because now Annie is now one of the cute wifeys of the "group of good heroes" :) (I love Annie and aruani, btw, but I just hate when some people are so hypocrytes to love Annie, Reiner and Bert, and also the members of Alliance and just sentence Eren for do something he was obligated to do to save his people, same as the Warriors tried to do to before to save people of Marley)
Eren tried to find a pacific way to resolves the problems during 4 years. He infiltrated in Marley alone, cutted his leg and hurt his eye, and talked with Reiner, only to try to understand his actions. But while he was forgiving his enemy and old comrade, he was listening a lot of people of the world clapping and smiling when Willy Tybur declared the war and extermination of Paradis. And in that moment Eren got a sad expression on his face, because he understood the entire world was their enemy so he was forced to become in a mass murdered and the devil of the world to save his people.
People of this fandom no longer talk about all the innocent people who were eaten by the titans that Marley dumped on the island. They don't talk of the number of Eldians that nations elsewhere have locked up in concentration camps, who are tortured and humiliated every day, simply for being Eldians, just like Jews in WWII, as we saw in Zeke's and Grisha's flashbacks. People forget Erwin, Carla, Armin's granpa, thousands of innocent people who lived inside wall Maria, and hundreds of soldiers died without even know the real reason why.
People in this fandom don't talk enough about Armin was the one who told Eren "to defeat your enemies, you have to become a monster", that Levi was the one who told Eren that he will have to take difficult choices if he wanted to survive, and that other people might die but he should be prepared to deal with it. That it was Mikasa who fought without hesitation against Annie and urged Eren to fight vs their enemies, along with Armin, Jean and Connie. That Hange and Levi tortured, killed and manipulated other soldiers in season three to archieve their purposes, that Reiner admitted in front of Eren that he destroyed the wall not because they forced him, but because he wanted to be a hero, so his parents could be together and be proud of him.
No. Because it's much easy only to throw shit at Eren because he's killing babies of background characters who were totally fine with the idea to exterminate the eldians of Paradise, and yes, that includes inocent eldian children, Historia's baby and all the kids she saved at the orphanage. But I guess people is not ready to talk about this.
People don't talk about the fact Armin, Jean, Connie and the rest of the cast admited in ch 133 that they are sinners too. That they forced Eren to do this, that despite they wanted to stop him, they couldn't give him a realistic and a good alternative solution. That the Alliance killed their own comrades and ignored Eren's depression for four years. Now they regret ir but it's too late.
Btw, Armin is my favourite character of snk, and I LOVE Jean with all my heart and I like the rest of the cast. But all these things are true. Eren is the one who is commiting a global genocide, but the rest of the cast are not heroes, they're guilty about this as well. So stop picture them as heroes and Eren as the only villain of the world. This story is much more complex than that.
If you can't deal with characters with complex moratily and cruel actions, perhaps you should go to read Fairy Tail, Bleach or Naruto, where things are solved because the perfect and heroic main character is a saint who can solves all the problems of the world with the power of friendship and/or is able to change the mind of everybody just using the "talk-no-jutsu". And I'm not saying this like a bad thing, Naruto is one of my faves mangas and I like B and FT too.
and about the ending, I see a lot of people expecting some kind of cliché and easy ending, like the typicals about heroes-vs-villains stories of most Marvel's movies and mainstream animes, despite of Isayama himself has said in lot of interviews he wanted to hurt his readers and he loves controversial stories of murderers and monsters.
I don't know how Isayama will finish this. I wish it could be a peaceafull ending where eldians and humans can solve all their problems, but snk was never so positive. If Alliance wins and kills Eren and Isayama still is able to do a realistic and logical ending, giving the world convincent reasons to forgive the eldians of Paradis after that, I will be satisficed. But if Eren wins and kill all the people of the world because that's really the only way to save eldians... I won't blame Isayama. I love bittersweet, different and controversial endings.
I don't want the Alliance to die, specially my babies Armin and Jean, I love them too much, but whatever if is either Eren who wins or either the Alliance, I would like to see an ending where Eren's survives, because I think that would be very interesting, to see him dealing with the guilt of his crimes during the rest of his life, with some kind of PTSD and trying to keep moving foward with his life despite of that. That would be a million times more interesting than "just kill him because he's bad". No, he deserves to suffers the burden of his actions, same as Reiner did after he back to Marley. The scene when Reiner tried to suicided but didn't it because Falco and Gabi were his reasons to keep living made me felt a lot of emotions, I know a lot of people considered that scene like a meme now, but the emotional impact was amazing. So, if I could choose, I prefer to see a scene of Eren like that, instead ot just being murdered.
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SENTENCE MEME ⟶ BUZZFEED UNSOLVED: SUPERNATURAL / 2.03 –– 2.04
always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.
“Let’s drop some sweet knowledge.”
“This looks too official considering the nonsense within.”
“History seems to indicate that aliens may have visited our world in ancient times.”
“They’re just people, what are you talking about?”
“Why would there be a helicopter?”
“So the aliens show up, show them pictures of helicopters, and fly away?”
“I can’t wait to see the rest of it.”
“What are they looking at on it? There’s no internet.”
“Here’s you with three butt cheeks.”
“Why do you have little penguin arms?”
“I drew it, so it must be real.”
“You have nothing to say to any of that?”
“I will fight you tooth and nail when it comes to ghoulie ghosts, but aliens are a little more probable.”
“I’m sure you’ve got plenty of other stuff on here that’s really dumb.”
“If Carl Sagan believes it, then I believe it.”
“I believe him. I don’t give a shit. It’s Carl Sagan.”
“I can’t imagine that’s be a pleasurable experience.”
“We can separate reality from not reality.”
“You’re telling me those architects used math? Knock me down with a feather!”
“Can you imagine you lugged around stones your whole life and everyone was like, ‘it was space aliens’.”
“Well, facts don’t matter then.”
“This may also demonstrate a suspicious knowledge of mathematics.”
“I don’t doubt that they were mathematically adept.”
“So, it was aliens.”
“They showed up, gave ‘em iPads, built the pyramids, and left.”
“They were like, ‘fuck humanity’.”
“Were we visited and aided by aliens in ancient times?”
“Do aliens even exist?”
“I have yet to see any compelling evidence.”
“Go fuck yourself, have a nice day.”
“How are you feeling? Are you nervous?”
“Yeah, I’ve got the familiar knot that’s usually in my stomach when I go to these places.”
“The look of this building is so imposing.”
“I’m surprised you’re conscious right now.”
“I’m keeping it together for now.”
“There’s a chance that tonight is the night you see me die on camera.”
“It kinda looks like hell.”
“That’s just a big metal thing.”
“Hey ghouls, the boys are here!”
“It doesn’t have the most pleasant history.”
“It’s one of the most haunted places in the world.”
“This is where nightmares are made.”
“Fuck me, I feel awful right now.”
“Looks like one of the Conjuring films.”
“It was the plague of all plagues.”
“Just everybody died from it.”
“I feel like in every movie about a period before 1940 or something, there’s a part in the movie where someone coughs, and everybody looks at ‘em.”
“It probably didn’t help them, but they didn’t know what else to do.”
“I think the ground is cleaner than this couch.”
“Someone will come here in a week and see that and be like, ‘It’s a ghost butt!’.”
“If you’re here, we’re gonna be real quiet right now.”
“Hey, maybe make some noise.”
“Shockingly, I’m not really hearing anything.”
“This is the biggest upset. I did not see this coming.”
“Death was so common that the hospital actually contains a horrifying area called the Body Chute.”
“’They chutted him’ that’s so fucked up.”
“Oh my god, this is awful.”
“Now this is the nightmare.”
“You have gotta be fucking kidding me dude.”
“This is like Satan’s cement butthole.”
“How far does this go?”
“This is a witch hole!”
“What is that, the wind?”
“I don’t know what the fuck that was. It was some weird ‘woop’ noise.”
“What if I go up there, and you stay down here, and we turn our lights off and see if we hear anything?”
“What if you go fuck yourself, how about that?”
“How long am I staying down here?”
“Lights off in three, two, one.”
“This is sort of beautiful.”
“I didn’t even get to do all the things on my bucket list.”
“Is it a minute yet? Please tell me it’s been a minute.”
“Get me the fuck out of here.”
“I’m leaving, goodbye ghost at the bottom.”
“I’m gonna imagine that place is the closest thing to hell.”
“There’s no malice there, it’s just dead people.”
“What do you want them to do? Carry ‘em out on a golden, velvet couch?”
“I’m just saying, it’s an uncomfortable place.”
“How dare they dispose of my body! They should leave it in the hallway to rot.”
“It’s potentially one of the most haunted places in the world.”
“They claim they hear the sound of children laughing.”
“If you look down this hallway long enough, your eyes are gonna look at that darkness and eventually you start to see movement in darkness.”
“When there’s nothing there, your eyes sort of fill the void.”
“Yeah, I got chills even just thinking about it.”
“Have you ever heard that old thing about when you look at your face in the mirror in low light, and eventually it sort of looks demonic?”
“I hate you.”
“I’m kinda cold. It’s a morgue.”
“I’d feel stranger if there were actual dead bodies in here.”
“At least he went out with his best friend.”
“This is the worst thing you could possibly do.”
“I don’t want him to grab my hand!”
“What if he grabs my hand and takes the camera?”
“Well, then I guess we’ll have proof of a ghost.”
“To the man in the elevator: if you were pushed down this elevator, make a noise.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“This is why I didn’t want to do it, because I knew you wouldn’t believe me! This is bullshit!”
“It’s very breezy in here, so if you felt a breeze it was very likely that it was a.. breeze.”
“We’d like some confirmation that it was you. Please do it again.”
“Let’s get the fuck away from this elevator shaft.”
“Hey, ghost boy. My name’s [name], and this is my friend [name].”
“I heard you like balls.”
“I swear to god I’m not doing this on purpose.”
“‘You wanna play’? You sound threatening right now.”
“You wanna play? Let’s fucking play!”
“I’m very scared, but if you throw this ball back, I won’t be as scared.”
“Oh my god, that’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.”
“I thought the ball bounced a couple extra times, but I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me.”
“I don’t know if that means ghost, but.”
“That’s the most serious I’ve ever seen you.”
“How the fuck is that possible?”
“Shut up, dude. You know this is fucking weird.”
“I don’t know what the odds are that my ball would land right next to a wall with my name on it down there that we didn’t know existed.”
“Maybe this ghost just loves to blaze it.”
“This is the floor I’m really not stoked to go on.”
“This is where we’re sleeping because we’re fucking idiots.”
“Go big or go home.”
“I swear to god I heard a whisper.”
“What did the whisper say?”
“Aw, man, am I just freaking myself out again?”
“You swear you didn’t hear it? It made my hair stand up.”
“I may have just woken him up but I don’t really care.”
“Why are you doing this to yourself?”
“I ask myself that a lot, too. I don’t understand why I do these things.”
“I woke up and I heard a voice and I was like, what the fuck’s going on.”
“Did [name] think I was a ghost?”
“I think the ghost wants to be your friend.”
“Well, that was a sleepless night.”
“You hear that ghosts? That’s [name] one, you zero.”
“You fucking wimps!”
“Do you think this place is haunted? I think it is.”
“There’s the demon hole.”
“I’m going to take everything said by a ghost hunter with a grain of salt.”
“Technically now you’re a ghost hunter.”
“Did your brain just explode?”
“Am I a ghost hunter? I don’t want to be a ghost hunter.”
#rp meme#roleplay meme#sentence meme#sentence starters#starter sentences#KIND / SENTENCE.#KIND / IN CHARACTER.#BASED ON / TV SHOW.
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40 Questions — Meme for Fic Writers
Don’t you sometimes see those ask games and wish you could just fkg do them all? On this sunny Saturday, we make our dreams reality lolol
1. Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.
Short fic, I usually get a small scene I want written so I write around it, plus I love short stories with interesting punchline.
2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?
Probably, I don’t know them all ^^’
3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?
Writing about stuff that disgust me I guess.
4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?
Like 5-6? I want to write about a restaurant but set in a world where people have powers I think the combo could be very funny. The main character has the power of insight, the plonge is a giant pool where you swim around cleaning. Backstories of characters with shitty and amazing powers and how they ended up here. Rival to lover character that has the power to see into the future.
5. Share one of your strengths.
Dialogues, subversion, and humor; classmates often said I have a touch to spin a sad story into something positive/happier.
6. Share one of your weaknesses?
I get tired when I describe something for longer than 4 sentences.
7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
“In what kind of trouble have we walked right into?”, I ask my companions as they’re idly fixing their attire. Together, we’ve face many perils and this mission ranks among one of the most dangerous. Yet, the others had been…how should I say it…professional! Rescuing kidnapped princesses, vanquishing terrifying monsters, quests to restore mythical artifacts, save nations from insidious plots. Oddly enough, “Does this dress make me look fat?”, is not the answer I’m looking for.
Ribbon in my hair is the first time I wrote about my knights, I first dreamt about them when I as 18, my boyfriend at the time called my idea stupid and my world building pointless so I only started writing about them when I was 21. Now I write about them a little bit every year :)
8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
“Do you really want your last words to be complaints?”
“I die as I lived.”
“Will we become a fruit tree?”
“I don’t think so, it’s never been the case for my ancestors.”
“I’d love it if we could turn into a banana tree.”
“I’m not from the southern regions, plus I like apples more.”
“Just imagine, our fruits could have been banana flambée”
This death scene was a big finale to a story I wrote for a class in Uni, a story of war between clan of forest and volcano people, of the supposedly brutal death of a Goddess, of a mysterious apple tree whose fruit give vision of the past. I should revisit it.
9. Which fic as been the hardest to write?
My analysis on D’Artagnan and the figure of the hero. Granted it’s an essay for school but I deeply loved it. I was too afraid to write or ask for help from the professor in charge of me (which made our relationship tense ^^’) but when I did, it was beautiful and I was very proud got 89% :D
10. Which fic has been the easiest to write?
A play called Adelaide where an old couple reads their old fairytale book about a Prince on a quest to save a Princess. They bicker about the other misreading the story but we finally get to the part where the Prince tosses the princess apart to get a better view of the dragon of which he falls instantly in love. The book is actually their wedding album.
11. Is writing your passion or just a fun hobby?
It’s one of my passions, but it’s not something I think I could live on so I delegated it to my hobby.
12. Is there an episode above all others that inspires you just a little bit more?
The wedding scene in Shrek 2, my mind was blown when I saw it in theaters and when I need inspiration to write, I rewatch it.
13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?
Presentation is important. If trying to read you gives people headaches, they’ll stop. Choose a nice big font, space with paragraphs, be mindful of your spelling and missing words. Read out loud because some things written are bad said.
14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?
I must’ve been lucky in this regard, I don’t think I’ve ever received advice that made me go NO, but I did have to listen/read stuff that made me gag.
15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?
I would love to the Adelaide acted out, some adjustments would be required because I’m no expert in play writing but I think I’d be great.
16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?
Luyenor’a and Taram, names are placeholders as of now but they’re two of my knight, being the “only pairing I’m allow to write about forever” means I’d get more knight shenanigans done.
17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?
I’m doing bullets point of what I want to happen and write stuff without much order. Some days I have no inspirations for what goes in the beginning but have loads for a later point. I surf the wave when it presents itself.
18. Do you use any tools, like worksheets or outlines?
Word on my computer, a notebook in my bag, the note app in my phone.
19. Stephen King once said that his muse is a man who lives in the basement. Do you have a muse?
I have little trinkets all around my computer to invite inspiration.
20. Describe your perfect writing conditions.
Freshly woken up, having eaten, drinking something sugary and sometimes apple cider because the alcohol help lower my inhibition.
21. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?
I read out loud at least once the whole thing, helps with missing words but dude I reread my stuff on ao3 and always find mistakes still ^^’
22. Choose a passage from one of your earlier fics and edit it into your current writing style. (Person sending the ask is free to make suggestions).
I’m not going to put here because it’s in French and I don’t want to translate now but I wrote Vision of a world, mine when I was 16 and damn was I already depressed then?
23. If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?
The Princess and the Soldier, some gay fairytale I think my first one, I’m sure I can do better bow
I also have one about a janitor and it’s a murder mystery I could redo
24. Have you ever deleted one of your published fics?
Once by accident, I was so angry I never rewrote it.
25. What do you look for in a beta?
I don’t really use beta (beta reader right?) but I guess I’ve had like 3-4 when I was in Uni and had to read people’s wip and they read mine. They’d talk about what they liked, links they noticed, things that seemed weak or to change
26. Do you beta yourself? If so, what kind of beta are you?
I usually just point out the stuff I like
27. How do you feel about collaborations?
For a class in college, we had to act out a play we wrote collectively. Ten sketches written in pairs/alone. I made sure I was alone so I wouldn’t be saddled with someone else to write my sketch
28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.
I don’t follow fic writers; I just am in a mood for a ship and read what’s available. I do like my friend @alumort ‘s fics tho ^^
29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?
There was a Phineas and Ferb fic focused on Perry I really loved. Their world building was something I’d never seen and they abandoned the story, so I did fanfic of a fic. Never dared to post it anywhere I mean it was their world to begin with.
30. Do you accept prompts?
Of course, when inspiration is given I accept
31. Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?
I don’t care about canon but I do love using it when there are little trivia to enrich the character.
32. How do you feel about smut?
Love to read it sometimes, would love to write it. Some I’m like………….youveneverhadsexhaveyou…………………
33. How do you feel about crack?
Love it!!!!!!!! I’m too self-conscious to write it tho. Oh maybe that could be a never before written trope I could try?
34. What are your thoughts on non-con and dub-con?
Rape I can’t, dub-con where underlying requited feelings exist but anxiety™ don’t let the characters express them but they’re drunk so it surfaces is okay
35. Would you ever kill off a canon character?
Hell yeah! I do when/if the death makes sense (I am still pissed at Kishi for Neji)
36. Which is your favorite site to post fic?
Ao3 is where I post,I used devianart when I had one
37. Talk about your current wips.
Marry Me for the Love of Cake: God I’m so sorry to the few people who followed it, I said I’d pick it up before the end of 2019 and well……I have the ending in bullet points
Yours, with Love: I hope I’ll finish it…I have most of the ending in bullet points
I guess I’m into rom com at the moment lolol
38. Talk about a review that made your day.
I made my best friend read All this for a Roll Cake, and she laughed so much at my work, I took a picture I look at from time to time to remain humble.
39. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?
Thankfully I’ve never received a rude review. My professor once told me it seemed kinda unnatural how unlucky my protagonist was vs. how lucky his love interest was (All this for a Roll Cake) but that was the whole point of the story so I just ignored her.
40. Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).
Writing this I realised I lost my final version of All this for a Roll Cake T^T so I guess I’d rewrite the ending I have of the before the last version I still have.
Well this was fun ^^ got to revisit my works and remember many beloved pieces of fiction I wrote, I look forward to my next projects
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Saw the tweet you just posted. You don't have to answer all of them if you don't want to, because I'm submitting a lot... "40 questions - meme for fic writers": 4 - 7 - 8 - 11 - 13 - 17 - 18 - 37 - 38
Thanks Anon! I’ll put the answers here and on twitter (I’m bunysliper there, too) if you’d like:
4. How many fic ideas I’m nurturing right now: So I have a document where I’ve written down ideas/prompts that I think I might write at some point in time. Right now it has.... 24 on it. Around 8 of those are 2x24-based, haha. One that I’m excited to get to, though, is a cute post-Last Call oneshot where Caskett spends some time together exploring the tunnels under The Old Haunt.
7. A snippet of my favorite piece of prose: I put a little explanation on twitter, but this is from echoed on your skin: “He's about to turn twenty-six the day she asks what he thinks of being matched, both in general and to her. It's the first time they have acknowledged their situation to one another, and the short conversation that follows bolsters his spirit; having a Soul Match is odd for them both, but they will make it through.
Just weeks later, he finds himself giving her a hard time about the compass rose tattoo that appears on his hip. It is small, not what he would have chosen for himself, and at first he is a little perturbed to know it will be on his body forever. As time goes on, he likes the idea behind it more and more; the shared compass orients them toward one another.
He finds that comforting, grounding. Even as his professional life takes off, his popularity grows, and he becomes something of a golden boy in some literary circles, the marking on his hip is a reminder that there is more to him than that. He has a Soul Match he will one day meet.
Still, he can't help but push the envelope a bit. He doesn't just sign books, he scrawls his name against skin, hoping to one day see that signature echoed on his own body.
A year passes, and it never does.”
8. A snippet of my favorite piece of dialogue and why: So I went with the first piece of dialogue that popped into my head, from Just the Essentials:
“"What the hell is that?"
Heads have been turning ever since he stepped foot into the precinct with his cargo, but this time the looks – along with Esposito's question – stop him mid-stride.
He's been preparing what he's going to say for the last eight blocks, he's got this.
"What do you mean?" he asks, feigning innocence. Always start with innocence. Never admit guilt until necessary. "Beckett said make a run for food. I'm supplying nourishment to keep us going as we work this case. I got beef lo mein, I got moo shu pork, I got sesame chicke–"
"And a dog," his wife supplies, crossing her arms over her chest, one eyebrow jumping high enough on her forehead to blend in with her hairline. "I'm sorry, two dogs."
"I also got your favorite," Castle deflects, bouncing on his toes. "The spare ribs."
"Castle, the dogs?" Kate prompts, not to be deterred by his sidestep.
"You did say the essentials, didn't you?"“
I like it because it just feels so quick and snappy and I could picture it happening.
11. Is writing my passion or just a fun hobby? It’s a combination of both. For now, it’s a very passionate hobby. That said, maybe sometime in the future it’ll be my passionate career.
13. Best piece of writing advice and why: Just write. Get it all out. The rest - the editing, the fixing stuff, all of that, will happen later.
17. Do I write a story from start to finish or do I write the scenes out of order: I’m a really linear writer, so 99% of the time, I go from start to finish. There are some times when I’ll get inspiration for a scene that goes later and I’ll write that down, but that’s not typical for me.
18. Do I use any tools like worksheets or outlines? For most of my multichapters, I outline so that I won’t forget where I want the story to go in the time it takes me to get there. For oneshots, I just go with it (though if I want to keep an idea, I’ll write one or two sentences about it so I won’t forget it).
37. Talk about my current WIPs: Of the stories/ideas I’m actively working on, I have the multichapter that I teased a couple of times - it’s a continuation of a oneshot that I posted a little bit ago. I outlined it to 18 chapters and I’m working on chapter 3 now so I’ll hopefully start posting that soon. I also have a season 3 fic that I started around Christmas time, so it’s a more Christmas-focused story. And I’m also trying my hand at writing a drabble/double drabble/vingette style thing for every episode. I’m up to 2x03 now, so once I get a few more, I’ll start posting that one. Oh! I have a fic I teased a long time ago but keep stalling on that’s a pre-series AU based on Castle and Beckett meeting online. I also have The Perfect Pairing, another meeting/job AU based on Beckett and Castle bonding over wine and movies. And I have a few other oneshots/prompt responses/continuations that I’ve got a few hundred words on respectively.
38. A review that made my day: All reviews make my day, but the ones that I really love are ones that tell me I changed someone’s mind (about a character, an idea, an ep, etc).
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for the evermore meme.... "You dropped my hand while dancing, left me out there standing," & "What would he do if he found us out?" for monty/lucille || "Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you," & "Did I shatter you?" for aaron/willow || "After giving you the best I had, tell me what to give after that?" & "Sorry for not making you my centerfold," for blake/camille!
TAYLOR SWIFT; EVERMORE PROMPTS. written for the loml @rosecolore-d <3 <3 <3 enjoy the pain, enjoy seeing the out of the woods references i put into each prompt :)
LUCILLE &. MONTY
you dropped my hand while dancing, left me out there standing
Eyes closed, hands fisted at her sides, Lucille forced herself to not cry.
If she closed her eyes, she wouldn’t have to see Monty standing in front of her, looking at her like he knew every single secret she’d ever buried in her chest and refused to tell, all of them a single whisper of his name.
If she clenched her hands, she wouldn’t have to feel them shaking uncontrollably as they recognized the touch of Monty’s skin against hers, pressing so close she wondered if he meant to mold himself to her body.
The last thing she wanted to do was cry, because of course here was a ball. Of course here was surrounded by friends and acquaintances and Fred, who had smiled at her so calmly and urged her forward when Monty approached her and asked for a dance.
She didn’t deserve him. While he stood aside and spoke to one of his old friends from school, Lucille was out on the ballroom floor, tense only because she knew that if she allowed herself to relax, she would wrap herself around Monty like a vine itching to grow attached to him, just as she always had wanted.
It had made everything about their dance uncomfortable, and she had dropped his hand and fled from the room before Monty could even ask what had gone wrong.
Her face burned red with shame, pressing the back of her head hard against the wall in an attempt to ground herself even slightly. Lucille knew more than anyone what a reputation meant, good or bad. All she ever heard anymore was the importance of keeping herself in the good opinion of those around her. But every time she was around Monty, she felt like she wanted to forget everything proper she’d ever learned and kiss him or embrace him or something. She wasn’t sure what it was that she felt anymore. All Lucille knew anymore was that every time, she felt like she was wearing her love and devotion to him on her face and everyone could see it whenever they were around each other.
Everyone, Lucille thought to herself as she opened her eyes, except Monty. He was looking down at her in confusion and hurt, and it only made her ache. Hurt, because of her. Because she’d left him standing there with his hand open when it had only been holding hers seconds before.
“Don’t be mad,” she whispered hoarsely. “Or embarrassed, please. I’m not...I’m sorry, I just don’t know what’s come over me. One second I’m fine and the next I feel as if I’m about to fall apart.” It was the most she dared to say. She already feared losing control of her tongue and telling him all that she held in her heart for him. All the love and care and affection that she had always had for him, growing steadily even when she had thought she’d managed to rid herself of everything that had once plagued her. Because that’s what it felt like now. A weight upon her shoulders that she couldn’t rid herself of.
He was part of her. He always would be, and Lucille didn’t know if that meant she would always carry these feelings for him or if they would fade, but she did know that she wished she had never felt them in the first place.
Was this what it felt like for him, she wondered, watching Katherine for years, always hoping her eyes would linger on him just a second longer? Surely, Lucille had loved Monty the same amount of time he had loved her sister. The thought of him feeling the same things she did for another—worse, for her sister—made her want to retch. As selfish as it was, she only wanted him to feel that devastating, bone-crushing sort of love for her, the same way she felt it only for him and no one else. Not even Fred, as lovely and respectable and wonderful as he was, couldn’t possibly send her heart racing with one single glance her way, or have her cheeks warming at just one indecent thought. She felt guilty and ashamed and she knew she would have been berated if anyone found out.
The truth of the matter was that she had danced hundreds of dances with Fred, but she couldn’t get through a single one with Monty.
“I’m not mad,” Monty reassured her. “I’m just—”
“Don’t be worried,” Lucille interrupted before he could finish his sentence. The last thing she wanted was his pity. “I’m just—”
“Lucille?”
Lucille turned and found Fred standing in the doorway, his face the perfect picture of gentlemanly concern. “Fred,” she breathed.
“Is everything alright?”
She looked to Monty, searching his face for any hardness, any tension that might have hinted at his disappointment in Fred coming to intrude on their conversation. When she found none, she ignored the tightening in her chest and turned back to Fred.
“Everything is fine. I’m just feeling a bit ill. I think I might turn in for the night.”
She didn’t look back at Monty as she walked away, her arm secured in Fred’s.
what would he do if he found us out? (infidelity au)
Lucille would say she had forgotten what it was like to breathe when she was around Monty, but she knew that had she been honest with herself, she’d admit that she never really knew how to. She’d always been an expert at lying to herself, though.
How long had she spent so attuned to him, his presence, everything about him? Years spent growing up at his side had sharpened her senses around him while everything else dulled in comparison, fading to black and white while he stood out in screaming color. Long summer days spent laying in the grass outside of the Howard estate, Lucille’s eyes constantly searching for Monty no matter what. Listening to him play his music like it was the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground. Always seeing him at her sister’s side, Katherine’s hand clutching at his arm as she spoke in rapid tones, feeling her chest cave in with the knowledge that she could never touch him so casually because she knew it would never be as simple for her as it was for Katherine. For Lucille, it would always mean something more, and for Monty, the only one who would hold that right was her sister. But then so many things had changed, and they’d all happened out of order: She’d gotten married to the wrong man while the right one stood aside and let it happen, and only after did they come together in rushed, heated moments that had her burning with shame—not just for what she had done, but for the knowledge that she was going to do it again, and she wasn’t even trying to pretend otherwise.
And now Monty stood in front of her, his eyes searching her face desperately as the words fell from his lips, knowing how dangerous it was to speak of what they had between them. What would he do if he found us out?
Lucille didn’t know why he was doing this now. Why he was speaking so freely, why he was toeing a line far too risky to approach, why he was pressing himself closer to her, crowding her personal space like he had earned the right to do so. But hadn’t she given him the right when she’d kissed him the first time—or had he kissed her? There had been so many since that first time that Lucille forgot where they had even begun, only that they simply had, and she no longer knew if it was possible for them to end.
They were forever intertwined, not just because of the secrets they carried together, but because something had been discovered in between nights spent between the other’s sheets, their hands finding solace in each other’s bodies, holding on with vicelike grips so they wouldn’t slip away. She couldn’t deny it. His mind, to her, resembled an altar that she had fallen to her knees at repeatedly in worship, and she had never been able to recover from the way she felt when he treated her like she was worth the same reverence.
“What would he do?” Lucille repeated, her voice tense as she took a step away from Monty. “My husband, you mean?”
Her tone was harsh, sparing no niceties for Monty. Not when he was like this, showing her that streak of something she couldn’t quite call vicious, but a deliberate sort of hurt.
She didn’t feel guilty when she saw his face fall at the term. He’d brought Fred up, and she wouldn’t hide behind vague hims.
“I imagine he would be positively livid. As he should be. If you had been married and discovered that your wife was having an affair, wouldn’t you despise them?”
It got no easier to discuss their infidelity, but Lucille tried to sound as flippant as possible. She didn’t know how to do any of this. Every single night, she thought about what her family would think of her if they found out. The way she would make her father avoid her eyes to hide his disappointment, the way Katherine would resent her as if she still held the right to feel anything where Monty was concerned.
Because underneath all the shame, underneath all the guilt, Lucille still couldn’t help but feel like this was supposed to happen. She was often torn between hating Monty for not being fast enough, not brave enough, not bold enough, and hating herself for the same thing. Even still, it was Monty. If she couldn’t have him as her husband because they had run out of time, Lucille was loath to admit that she still felt owed something, so they stole all the time they could. She had never wanted to consider herself a selfish person, but the truth was staring her in the face in the form of dark hair and brown eyes and Lucille knew that no matter how cold she acted towards Monty, no matter how many times Fred kissed her cheek and told her he loved her...she knew she wouldn’t stop.
“No one could ever hate you,” Monty said quietly, his face softening for just a moment before he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her neck. Lucille inhaled sharply, her eyes fluttering closed and her hands clenching at her sides, gathering the fabric of her dress in tight fists.
“I doubt that,” she replied, but her voice was shaking, and at this point Monty must know she was only talking to argue, to avoid the inevitable.
“No one,” he started again, his lips drifting farther down her neck, across the expanse of her chest, towards the neckline of her gown, “could ever hate you.”
And with that, he brought his head back up and caught her lips in a hard, bruising kiss that should have wiped every thought out of her mind except the way Monty’s hands were already undoing the laces of her gown, the anticipation of what part of her body he would touch next, the knowledge that soon, she would be so caught up in bliss that no words would fall from her lips except a repetition of his name over and over and over again.
No, Lucille said to herself, unable to stop the thoughts from coming even as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to neck, Fred would hate me. Katherine would hate me.
But Monty never would, and in the end, that was all that mattered.
AARON &. WILLOW
everybody wonders what it would be like to love you
The words came in a quiet whisper, underneath a blanket wrapped tightly around a body that was burrowed deep into the mattress, the clock on the nightstand blinking 1:34am in neon red numbers that made Aaron’s eyes burn if he looked at them too long.
Beside him, Willow lay there, her colorful hair splayed across the pillow like different strips of paint splattered across the sheets. He liked the look of her laying there, adding color to the stark whiteness of everything in his room. He thought it was rather appropriate for the way she had come into his life and added something that he hadn’t even realized he’d been missing. Like everything before her had been black and white and he hadn’t even realized it until she’d shown up and suddenly, his life was bursting with colors he hadn’t yet discovered.
Now, Aaron reached out with tentative fingers and brushed some of Willow’s hair away from her face, his eyebrows stitching together as he regarded her curiously, struggling to make out her expression in the dark. He knew her like the back of his hand, but there were some moments—moments like these—where she was as unknowable as she was afraid of becoming. He struggled to hold on to her in those moments, but so far, he hadn’t slipped up. He hoped he never would.
“What do you mean?” he asked. He wondered if it was the sleepiness, or if it was simply the sight of her walls breaking down, letting him in to see parts of her insecurities that she refused to show anybody, refused to acknowledge for her own sake.
“People talk about you,” she continued. Aaron still couldn’t see her face, and maybe that was another reason she was being so honest with him right now. “They talk about you like they know you.”
It came with the territory. It had been an adjustment, slowly gaining recognition in the world where he was once a blip on the radar of so few. It was a downside to doing what he loved, but he’d always known that gaining the fanbase he needed to share his music would also result in those same people prying into his life like they thought they owned it. He didn’t think about it very often, but apparently Willow did because while he couldn’t see her face, he could hear her voice, and it didn’t sound very steady.
“And they wonder what it would be like to be with me?” he asked, still trying to understand what it was that she was getting at.
“No,” Willow responded, finally sitting up. “They wonder what it would be like to love you.”
Repeating the words didn’t help clarify it for him any better. For him, those who wanted to speculate were free to do so. He was private enough and only mildly successful that no one cared that much.
But it was the insinuation in the words that didn’t sit well with him.
“And what is that like?” Aaron asked finally, after several beats of silence that Willow chose not to fill with further meaning to her words. “Loving me?”
Even in the dark, he felt the way Willow tensed. Felt it in the subtle shift of the bedsheets, saw it in the blurred edge of her shoulders as they drew in on themselves, heard it in the abrupt way she stopped breathing so audibly.
For a second, Aaron wondered if he’d crossed a line. Worried that he couldn’t jump back to where they were five minutes ago with no damage.
Willow didn’t answer him, but she didn’t turn away from, either. She was still stiff, stewing in the words that neither of them had the courage to say out loud just yet—Willow because she was afraid, Aaron because he knew that. She chose to pick up the blanket and wrap it back around herself, leaving him enough to cover himself with it, too, and laid her head back down on the pillow.
She had settled herself back down just a bit closer to Aaron than she had been before. He took comfort in it.
Even while Willow’s breath evened out fairly soon, Aaron stayed awake, unable to fall asleep. Thoughts of broken promises and whispered confessions filled his mind and invaded his thoughts, unable to get rid of them. Next to him, he hoped Willow was dreaming peacefully. He hoped that one day they would be able to make their own confessions without feeling the weight of it on their shoulders the entire time. He had grown tired of being an accessory to those who only wanted to use him long ago, but not once had he thought those were Willow's motivations. Yet he still couldn't help but feel confused about what she actually felt.
Willow said everybody wondered what it would be like to love him, but all Aaron could think about was what it would be like to be loved.
did i shatter you?
Was that what it had been?
Aaron looked at Willow standing there, her eyes red like she could barely keep them open, and he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to reach out and hold her. It was an effort to keep his hands at his sides.
Had she shattered him? Had his own love for her somehow broken him when he’d spent all this time thinking it was building him up? Pages of his notebook were littered with lyrics dedicated to her, the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, the whole and the damaged, every single part of her that he had learned and memorized. What if it wasn’t as romantic and poetic as he had once thought?
But if she had shattered him, then surely he must have broken her, as well. Surely he had an even bigger role in this than she did—hadn’t it been him, after all, that had told her how perfect they were together?
Hadn’t it been him, after all, who had told her that they could no longer be together?
Or was it all just him? Aaron knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t find it in himself to blame Willow for any of it. It was wrong to believe that she was perfect, especially when he knew that she wasn’t, he had seen all of her imperfections firsthand and dealt with them more intimately than anyone besides her therapist probably had. It was that which had made him love her in the first place. Was that where it all went wrong? Had he gone too quickly, had he scared her more than he had helped her? Had he even helped her at all, or had he only deluded himself into thinking he had?
Aaron thought that if he could just show Willow how much she meant to him, then she would see something in herself worth it all. He didn’t know how, but maybe he could show her through his own love for her.
Or maybe he was just doing exactly what Willow always accused him of, and was trying to picture her as the perfect girl. Not the one to fix all of his problems, but the one to feed into all of them. Because Aaron had never thrived on the healthy aspects of the few relationships he’d had. He’d always thrived on believing them to be above him, always higher than him, and marveling at how his old girlfriends had chosen to be with him. And then he’d never bothered to reach the standard he’d imagined in his head. With Willow, it wasn’t the same. He’d felt like they were on equal footing, even ground.
He’d felt, for once, like he belonged in this relationship. Because he didn’t want to feel awed by his unworthiness of her—he wanted to work hard enough until he was worthy of her. He’d never felt that before.
Distantly, Aaron despised the way he couldn’t simply walk away. Why couldn’t he just accept that their relationship had come to a close, and it was now time to move on? Why did he have to stand here and watch Willow, knowing how desperately he wanted to be with her again, knowing that he’d do just about anything to prove to her that he still loved her?
Why couldn’t he simply tell himself that every relationship taught a new lesson, and this one had taught him that he couldn’t fix everything, and that he couldn’t expect his own damage to be mended through someone else? Why couldn’t he learn that things happened for a reason and that he needed to stop looking at love as the end all be all for meaning in life? Why couldn’t he learn that love wasn’t the only thing to look for and that he could just as easily have his breath taken away by a stunning sunset, a song that drove him to tears, a long ride through the country that never seemed to end?
Except he had learned all of those lessons. He knew them, had become familiar with the impact they’d had on his life. He wanted to put those lessons to good use and try again with Willow, but he knew that she would never take him back.
“No,” Aaron said. “God, no, Willow. You didn’t shatter me. You made me.”
CAMILLE &. BLAKE
after giving you the best i had, tell me what to give after that?
“You call that your best?” Camille asked, her voice biting savagely through each word, ripping them off her tongue. “Don’t insult me like that. You might not think so, but I deserve better than that bullshit excuse. Your best was going to a lawyer to discuss divorce?” She scoffed in disgust. “That’s pathetic.”
Pain and hurt drove her words but she could feel the truth of them underneath her skin. What happened to the man who had shown up at her best friend’s apartment building and wouldn’t leave until she’d come downstairs despite the rain, telling her that he loved her and kissing her hard enough to leave her shaking? What had happened to the man who promised to accept her for who she was and not hold her own self against her? Where had the lines blurred between who she was and who he thought she was, who he wanted her to be?
“You went to a lawyer for what?” Camille said, her eyebrows raised. “Because the doctor told us that I wasn’t pregnant? Because I said I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to be?”
And there it was, out in the open. The thing that had been hanging over their heads for weeks, months. Camille had tried to accept the possibility of a child when she'd first thought she was pregnant, if only because Blake’s face had lit up when she told him she was late after throwing up in the bathroom three mornings in a row. But then the doctor had told them it was a false alarm and Camille thought that would be it. It was only later, weeks later, that Blake said something about trying and she could feel herself tensing up.
Camille knew that when she said she loved Blake, there would be difficulties. She just didn’t know that it would mean finding emails on his computer exchanged between him and a divorce lawyer concerning her.
“I’ll be honest, I’m disappointed. I mean, if you were going to leave, I would have expected you to actually have the guts to say it to my face instead of going all Katie fucking Holmes on me. You’re a fucking coward.”
They’d been here before—the fighting and the yelling and the refusal to listen to any sort of reason or excuse. Camille remembered all too well what it had felt like to argue with Blake every single night. Some nights it had been her that started the fight, other nights it had been. There had been nights where they were both itching to rip each other’s throats out and they’d fed into those habits for so long. She remembered what it was like to be on opposite sides of their apartment, some nights ending with Camille grabbing her keys on her way out because she couldn’t stand it.
Being back in that place made her want to tear her hair out.
“Am I not enough for you?” she asked, hating herself for how her voice cracked. “Is that it?”
Blake’s eyes were wide as she began to shake his head, already shaking his head and reaching out to take her waist into the circle of his arms, but Camille took a sharp step backwards.
“Don’t touch me,” she demanded. “Answer me. Am I not enough for you? Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t think you can be with me anymore if we don’t have kids?”
Every single word hurt her to say but Camille couldn’t live the rest of her life not knowing.
And Blake couldn’t answer her.
She knew they’d both crossed lines in the past. She’d said hurtful things in the beginning, mean, spiteful things about Blake and his family that showed him just how little she cared about his parents, just how little she respected them and how disappointed she was in him that he allowed himself to be pushed around like his life didn’t matter. And he’d been mean and spiteful, too. She’d heard him call her a bitch a handful of times, telling her that she was spoiled and rude and cold, that she was selfish and resentful —she’d never denied a single one of them, but something about the way it all sounded rolling off of Blake’s tongue, like he thought he was better than her, only made her hate him more.
This was different.
This felt like something was breaking.
“You know what?” Camille started, unable to stand the silence. She couldn’t look at him anymore, not when he couldn’t give her an answer, even if it was a no. She might be able to get over it, then, but not like this. “Don’t waste your time trying to figure out what way you can spin your words to get me to give in. I’m not naïve, and I’m not your project. I’m a person.”
Somehow, she felt like she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince Blake.
Camille was already halfway across the living room, her hand grabbing her purse off the table where she’d dropped it on her way back home, just like she always did. “I’ll be back tomorrow when you’re at work to get my things.”
It was only after she’d locked the door behind her and gone to the elevator that she allowed the tears to fall.
sorry for not making you my centerfold (romeo & juliet au)
Camille had never wanted to be someone’s centerfold.
What she had wanted, wanted above everything else, was to be respected. To be recognized as her own person and respected, if not liked or admired, for who she was.
The opinion of other people had never been such a large concern for her. She never bothered thinking about what people thought about the way she dressed or the way she spoke, the people she dated or the school she went to. She liked her clothes and she spoke her mind, she dated who she liked and Columbia was an amazing school that should have felt honored to have taught her for four years.
But Blake Keller was different. She’d felt it once before, the knowledge that someone had come into her life and they were about to change it forever. But Nathaniel was gone, somewhere in Europe in a school that would mold him into the perfect man for someone that wasn’t her.
She’d once thought it would be her at his side forever, and then her parents had ruined everything.
And that had been it, she’d assumed. A few good years of true happiness, a high school romance that taught her more about herself than anything else ever could have. Camille refused to forgive her parents, not because she still had any feelings leftover from five years ago, but because she knew it hadn’t been for her own good. Nothing they ever did had ever been for her own good. Everything was about making sure she never made a single misstep, so she had decided to never stop making them. Some people called it pettiness, Camille called it bitterness—she’d never shied away from the word. She didn’t particularly like it, but she wasn’t arrogant enough to think it didn’t apply to her.
It wasn’t pettiness because she wasn’t holding a grudge. It was who her parents were. It wasn’t because they thought she was too immature, because she knew they would never stop dictating who she was with until she was married.
And if they knew she was with Blake Keller, the only son of the family they despised the most, they would only assume the worst. That she had gotten involved with him to spit in their faces—tempting, but Camille simply didn’t care about them enough to only think about how to make them shake their heads in disappointment. She preferred to live her life by her own rules and revel in the fact that her rules clashed horrifically with her parents’. The truth of the matter was that she had seen Blake for the first time in probably seven years and she hadn’t even realized who he was. She’d thought he was a stranger, a new face from somewhere outside of New York.
Hearing his name had been a jolt. Discovering that she wanted him had been jarring. Finding out that he wanted her, too—Blake Keller, who always followed the rules and never stepped out of line—had been satisfying.
She’d expected a short, secret affair. She’d expected to get off on the secrecy of it all, to be excited at the idea of being brought to his family’s home and allowing herself to be pushed against the wall and kissed numb. Not to run her fingers through his hair while they laid together in bed, her legs tangled with his as he told her all about his childhood, his parents, the lack of life that he had outside of work. In turn, she shared her own stories about how she used to love her mother more than anything because she wanted to be just like her. She told him about ballet lessons from childhood and designs that she wanted to make real, regrets she’d had and memories she would never take back for all the money in the world.
She hadn’t expected feelings. She hadn’t expected the realization that hit her harder than anything ever had—where there had once been the black and white of rigid morality, Blake had brought with him not a gray area, but screaming colors.
But he was who he was, and that was his father’s son. Camille had to have known that she would never be his first priority. She didn’t know if she would even make the top five. She gave him a small, wry smile, trying not to feel betrayed.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, unable to meet his eye as she lied through her teeth. “I never made you mine, either.”
#rosecolore-d#answered#my writing#(meme. mine)#💖 mutually assured destruction 💖#(meme. lucianna)#(meme. aaron)#(meme. camille)#(lucianna howard. the idealized dream)#(aaron clarke. the kaleidoscope heart)#(camille ferri. the princess scorned)#(lucianna and monty. don't need a ring for my finger; just need a steady hand to hold)#(lucianna and monty au. don't want no other shade of blue but you)#(aaron and willow. two punch drunk souls all tangled in the wind)#(camille and blake. the stupid truth is i'm so bad for you)#(camille and blake au. and if i get burned at least we were electrified)
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