#i want to scream into the void about how happy i am they all got to be a family together | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dollerines · 5 months

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How I entered the void so easily after 1 year of trying

So after 1 year and half of trying to enter I finally did it and I am so mad because it REALLY IS SOOOOO EASY and tbh if in this post you are looking for any sort of validation or info you smart ass already know then please REMEMBER THIS : entering the void is extremely easy. You just have to do it in a way that resonates with you.

Personally for me since I had adhd I couldn’t just stay still and affirm for 1 or even a few for 10 mins. Not just because I was lazy but because just repeating “I am in the void” for so long gets me tired and makes me think of the void more and you actually don’t want to think too deeep about it. I couldn’t wake 3 hours prior and then affirm or even have the patience to do the psych k, yes I was extremely lazy back then and unpresistent but one thing that helped me even backed then was THE ALPHA STATE MEDITATION !

You just have to find what works for you, find a method technique whatever you want to do that doesn’t seem like a chore. So In a post back then I found on @gorgeouslypink acc talking about doing the alpha sate meditation and I tried it back then and I felt really relaxed and it was a good feeling but like I said back then I was realllly lazy so after a few mins I stopped. Then many months later passed and I was still looking for anything and everything on the void. Then just like two days ago I came across another post which was pretty simple and the technique I used was called the DISTRACTED TECHNIQUE.

All there was to do was the usual you get into a comfortable position and then she said to use the alpha state meditation and used the one gorgeouslypink recommended. So I used it and then what she tell you to do is to just think of anything else just get distracted basically and this WAS SO GOOD 4 ME because back then I had adhd so it made it harder to concentrate on just affirming and so yeah I just thought of random things and then at some point where I was completely distracted I felt my body like lift up 😭 if that makes sense I just can’t clearly describe it. It felt really like a shift and I was like ‘panicking’ in a way but I wasn’t actually panicking I just kinda became aware what was going and then I got scared a little but I just relaxed shortly after. Also my fan that was making like a loud noises was coming in an out and then I only hear it in one ear and then I didn’t hear anything and I just stayed there wondering if I reached the void and i actually was!!! I didn’t feel my body it felt like I had no body at all and it was pitch black just like how I imagined the void to be. For a few minutes I just stayed there feeling the most surreal peace I have ever felt. I needed that peace fr 💀.

So then I affirmed for my desires all I said was “I have all my desired results from my subliminal playlist.” Then just to be extra sure I just said “I have everything I want.”

At that point I got really excited and then I wiggled my toes to get out because I was too dam happy I needed to see all my shit the moment I wake up and then I slowly started getting out and when I tell you I cried for like a good dam minute when I woke up and saw how DIFFERENT. My room looked. I literally screamed onto my pillow. I was so dam scare and yet excited to see how I looked.

WHAT I MANIFESTED :

Desired body and face

Having silky straight tailbone length hair cuz mines was originally curly

And everything in my sub playlist

My desired boyfriend and guys I made him be like Gojo Satoru ( because we are all delusional over him 🤪) and let me tell you he is so tall, handsome, sexy and a literal god. He is so silly too 🩷

Moving countries I now live in ny

Never actually meeting my ex and all the people in my old school forget me and have actually never even met me. Like if u asked them about me they have never heard or known me before

Extremely rich rich like hella bands

Got rid of my anxiety and mental health issue

Plus +++

NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS.

Even if the circumstances seem to be eating you alive don’t mind that too much. Even if all seems hopeless don’t give up because you already know nothing can decide or be unless you give it power to be. So stop being goofy and take responsibility and DONT STRESS!! You don’t see God stressing do you. All he has to do is blink and whatever he wants to happen, happens. Plus a lot of confidence came from non dualism that I owe a huge thanks to @trynafindbarbiee she really said it like it is !!

YOU GOT THIS ML 🩷🩷🩷🩷

#loa #nondualism #void state #success story #law of assumption #manifesting #subliminals

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konniesreality · 3 months

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Hey Konnie, I'm going to share my success story with you.

So, for context, I've known about the void for I think over a year and I've been in the LOA community since I was 8. I've also had the most disgusting life all around especially when it came to my spiritual life but that's not important right now.

I've always been lazy when it came to the void, like on one hand I was like "Finally a method that guarantees success no matter what" but on the other hand I was like "Ugh, this is too much I don't feel like doing this right now" and kept making excuses. Because I knew about waking up in the Void State I'd go to bed and just fall asleep after listening to subliminals and affirming thinking that was going to do anything for ME personally. (P.S. just because it didn't work for me doesn't mean it won't work for you.) I did this for MONTHS and kept wondering why it wasn't working. Like I knew I was lazy but I just really couldn't bother at all...until recently.

I decided that I wanted to change and that I'd go back to the basics of the Void. I switched out the subliminals that I used before and created a fresh playlist. Link: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLA_GYb1XT6i7XafhzWTNCnerDt1x9HOiz I simply worked on fulfilling myself internally and went within entirely. Then, two weeks ago I randomly decided to just "meditate" into the void. So, I just laid down, stayed still and RELAXED. I didn't even think about the Void, my attention was to simply relax and be. Eventually, I did relax to the point my body went slightly numb so I took it as a sign to start affirming for the Void. The affirmations I used are "I am" and "I am void". I started experiencing soooooooo many symptoms such as the floaty feeling, losing my senses, the darkness behind the eyes getting darker (I wanted my void to be pitch black hence why it got dark) also that really weird eye fluttery thing idk what that is called but yeah I had that too. I was literally spinning and my heart was about to jump out of my chest istg BUT I focused on my breathing and my affirmations.

Then the weirdest thing happened. Now, mind you, I've NEVER gotten this close to entering the Void IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. But I kid you not, I felt myself literally DETACH from my body, well I more felt it in my face/head because I couldn't feel my body but you get the point. Like I felt HOLLOW like WHAT. I was internally screaming and I started to smile because I was like "I'm finally entering the void after how long now." Buttttttt when I was literally five seconds away from entering the Void completely my lovely father came in the room to ask me something so I OBVIOUSLY snapped out. (Still salty btw) But I can tell you that I was 90% in the Void and they weren't lying about feeling pure bliss and happiness and feeling calm as well as being one with yourself because I felt it too. And when I "got out" I felt SO SMUG cause I was like, I finally figured out what method works best for me AND I know when and how to do it.

So, my directions in case you want to try it out.

Go to bed around 30 minutes - 1 hour earlier. Or do it when you're going to take a nap, but it works best for me at night. Also, make sure your eyes are like slightly burning, not ask why just trust me. but not to the point it's watering just enough to make sure you're a little sleepy and will make you relax easier because I find that works best.

2. Then, relax your body and allow all thoughts to float by, don't pay any attention to it. Also, focus on your breathing. (You can do breathing techniques but I just went with a slow but natural pace of breathing, for me of course)

3. ANY SYMPTOMS IGNORE THEM ALL!! It may be hard but honestly, it's kind of like ignoring someone when they talk shit- bad example but you knowww. Just focus on breathing and affirmations here.

4. Make sure to affirm when you are ready, trust me you will know because it'll be like a gut feeling. Or when you feel really relaxed like you're in a tropical paradise or something just start to affirm. Also, I would imagine things that I'd be doing in my hr (home reality) because affirming is kinda boring after a while so I interchanged them.

And that's about it, I think the important thing to take away here is to do what works FOR YOU. If you know that this method doesn't work for you but you saw it works for me, that is not an invitation to change your method. Also, remember always that the void IS YOU, it will not exist without you so don't put it on a pedestal. You got this always and have fun living your dream life. You were born a master of the void so no excuses.

Also that new subliminal that you made is LITERALLY the only sub I use now and it's BOMB. But I obviously linked my playlist bc I used to use it.

OMG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! Thank you so much for using my subliminal and most importantly sharing your success! It’s the truth! Find what works for you and R E L A X I know you will get in again!! TSYM for linking the playlist too! 💕💗💗

#ask #void state #void state success story

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wordycheeseblob · 4 months

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*Clinks glass with spoon*

I've seen a couple of people so this and wanted to say a few words as well.

Tumblr dot com is the first and only place where I learned online connections can change lives so much or be so genuine. It's never about numbers. Each blog breathes life of the unique person behind it. So many colorful personalities brought together...

And we've been through a lot.. the great bot purge of 20', the AO3 siege, the battle of Halloween on Christmas eve, Auburn shipping wars....

I never knew I could know such friendship. I wish I could tuck in each one of my moots and give you a goodnight kiss, a hug when you're in a dark place, and scream into the void together about our interests (because what am I if not an enabler :) )

You've changed my life in so many ways and you have no idea

My wonderful artist friends, I've wondered how can the same hands that create such disaster (affectionate) manage such breathtaking art @clavissionary-position

And breathe so much life into the canon world with their own enthralling iteration (seriously somebody let him on the Devs team) @devonares I don't see you two so often around here anymore but I do hope we meet again some sunny day

thank you @mllorei for being the ride or die friend i never had, and an amazing talented writer (and artist!) And co-conspirator. Listen, this word count is severely limited for all I want to say (*whispering* like fix your sleeeeep goddamit) @krenenbaker you're a puzzle I will crack some day... A mystery yet to be solved. An evil little box of pandora. A secret mastermind of destruction *squints* but for reals, from what I've seen you're a direct and genuinely good person with a shared passion for historical fashion! (or ARE you...? Hmmm)

@venulus man you're just so iconic I have no words

@dove-da-birb another fantastic writer, I got to know you and @azulashengrottospiano somewhere at the same time. Hehe what the latter doesn't know is I orchestrated most of the shipping wars hee hee :3 and Dove, at first I wanted to bully you a bit with crowleg (please forgive this peasant) but then I think I accidentally adopted you. You, @keithsandwich and Lorei are the best crocheters I know <3

Myara's gold handiwork is honestly out of this world. Also thank you for sending me stuff and thinking of me, I really appreciate that.

@vivislosingitagain and @vioisgoinginsane 's sistership is of legendary status, and I think Vio is like a sister to Vivi. (They're clones they're clones)

Isn't it wonderful how through billions of people on earth, you've found eachother?

@thewitchofbooks my literature loving friend! (And I found out recently, great artist too??!) I hope to see you more this year, I get so happy when we interact you won't believe it...

Thank you @violettduchess for always making me smile and persevering in the face of hardship. You're strong, stand proud. @leonscape I wish you a year full of Leon, don't give up! He may not be everyone's cup of coffee, but he is to you and that's what matters.

Thank you for always being there, I see you around a lot and just wanted to thank you and wish you a new years too! :]

@candied-boys @altairring @otomefreak876 @solacedeer @this-is-war-peacock @here-for-gilbert @dear-sciaphilia @chi-the-idiot @serynhe @katriniac @mymumisasquid @olivermorningstar @caffedrine

@happy-pup you helped me a lot, I will never forget you ^^

And my new friendos here @v-anrouge @saint-garden (the gremlins) @ikemendrew @officialdaydreamer00 @jade-s-nymph @crheativity and @nuttytani I hope to see more of you this year too!

Phew... I hope I didn't forget anyone, that's a lot of people! Even a small act of kindness here has made ripples throughout the world, it reached so many people... Many things will pass but I sincerely hope,

if you're here or not, I hope this new year treats you well. And you continue with a newfound strength into the future

#or something like that ily guys ehe :]#unlucky for you i will not stop annoying you to no end >:]#new year old me #happy new year

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kaiandels · 4 months

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(short ass story) dependency : e.w x reader

Context: Letters that the reader gave Ellie after their breakup. The reader is an aspiring chef. And Ellie is an unemployed woman :))

Warning: toxic, vulgar language, not proofread,

——————————————————————————

“I miss the eyes that looked at me with love. And now you look at me like you had enough.”

“y/n” ellie laughed as she lifted you up the air. those eyes that you loved so dearly, were now forever lost in a void that you could never be able to reach for.

“I’m sorry, I was tired. Everything that happened to us, felt like it was my fault.”

“All of my sentences are possibly all cliches, but you only loved me, because I was there… when no one pleased you in the darkest of nights, took care of you in the lightest of days, and when i loved you, when it was hard to love you.”

“And to understand you, when it was hard to understand you.”

“ ‘cause supposedly, that’s what love should have been. right? “

“This is fucking crazy.” Ellie threw her hands up in the air feeling as if what you were saying is nonsense. “You have to look for work Ellie… are you fucking- I can’t be there to fend for you all the time!” you screamed as you felt your chest tightened.

“Then fucking leave, alright? I never asked you to fend for me or whatever the fuck that is. I’m going to go in my own pace, how many times have I told you that?!”

“I risked everything for you, but you risked none.”

“I had many dreams, and you crushed every single thing left in to pieces.”

“What the fuck is this?” Ellie asked gripping a plane ticket in her hand. “You’re leaving me?” Ellie’s voice cracked.

“Ofcourse i’m not. Leaving for a while could benefit us, Ellie. I could take care of you longer and I wouldn’t have to worry about financials and… there’s a possibility that I could land you a job there too.”

“I don’t need a fucking job. And you’re not going anywhere.” Ellie spat firmly.

“You don’t understand, Ellie. I landed my dream job. I get to be a fucking chef in a 5 star michelin restaurant. It sounds like a fucking fairytale … aren’t you happy for me? We’ve been dreaming about this since we got together. Don’t tell me you forgot about that too.”

“I don’t fucking care. Now this?” Ellie held the plane ticket high. “Is fucking non-existent now.” Ellie manages to rip the paper in to shreads. “You’re not going anywhere.” Ellie stomps off to her room, looking like a fucking child.

You couldn’t sleep after that. Your dreams were crushed but you knew there was only one way to build yourself back up again. And that was… grabbing a piece of paper and a pen.

“You were not the person that I loved anymore.

You were not the same Ellie Williams that dreamed big.

That had ambition, the same ambition that I had.

We don’t see eachother anymore. Eye-to-eye, is that it?

And it took a lot for me to say this.

But I don’t love you anymore.

You’re too fucking dependant.

You are an uneducated, manipulative, and an ignorant piece of shit.

And I am SO MUCH fucking better than this.

And I can’t grown in to a better person, if i’m stuck with someone who has their foot stuck up in their ass.

I wanted a partner, not a fucking child.

The ticket you ripped, was for you.

I thought it was a chance that I could make you grow in to a better person. But i’m tired.

Go fuck yourself,

Y/n

————————-

ps. this is shit but i love drama so i just started writing again. this would probably be my last… again. i’m so sick of writing smuts y’all don’t understand. i just started writing again cause i miss my gf.

(this was in my drafts for a long time)

#ellie williams #ellie tlou #ellie x reader #the last of us #ellie x fem reader #ellie x y/n #lesbian

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voidedsoul5 · 2 months

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OKAY HERE WE GO, ANALYSIS AND THEORY TIME.

Spoilers for the new TMP episode (Ep 8)

NOT ONLY did we get my babygirl back (Who definitely has something going on with him but we'll go back to that later) we also got another hint about one of my other working theories about Celia and this universe... I am losing my mind rn and I need someone to talk to about this even if it's just screaming to the internet void. More below cut. Split it because it's a semi-long post.

I think Gertrude is for SURE coming back at some point, literally no reason for her not to especially considering I don't think TMP team is going to pull the 'But this time she's actually just an innocent old lady' thing. It's cheap, and she likely knows stuff that will come up later when (I believe) she still has worked at the institute before it burned down due to her age. Plus, someone had to have cleared out those files.

Gerry is happy and it makes sense. Gerry in TMA was trying to be a kind person, but he'd witnessed too much and seen too much to be able to do that. In this world, if the fears didn't exist Mary would've likely not been AS deranged. OR mary might not have existed at all given Gertrude claimed Gerry as his grandson. Removing Mary, Gerry really doesn't have a reason to be so reserved and abrasive. HOWEVER. I think there's a possibility that isn't his actual personality. The happiness (as mentioned in the unofficial transcript) is maybe a bit too played up. I wouldn't mind if this is just how he was, a slightly erratic messy artist. But pairing him specifically WITH gertrude in this universe stood out to me. So here's my mini theory.-I'm not saying it's drugs, or Gertrude is casting black magic or something, but I do think she's doing something to keep Gerry out of this 'mess'. Even if that's just living with him and helping him have a normal life as a painter. Gertrude has always had a soft spot for gerry in TMA, in this universe where she's probably not as battle-hardened, trying to keep him safe and out of it all isn't out of character. Mostly, this idea just came from the fact that she tried to brush it off, then seemed disappointed when Gerry spoke about the gifted kids program, despite him being well enough able to speak for himself. She probably doesn't want him involved. This however all relies on the context that Gertrude knows stuff. Honestly, she might just be his grandma that he now lives with either for rent reasons or because his parents might be dead. It could honestly be that simple, I just like rattling off ideas.

CELIA KEEPS DROPPING HINTS OF KNOWING SHIT. SHE KNOWS SOMETHING. SHE KNOWS THINGSSSS. I have another post about my TMA theory of these reoccurring characters from TMA beginning to remember things from the TMA world. Its so incredibly on the nose for her to immediately start asking questions about the 14 fears WE KNOW, ask about alternate universes, AND BE THE ONE WHO PUSHED SAM TO LOOK INTO MORE STUFF ABOUT THE PROGRAM (Sam said it was her idea at the end of Ep 8) I don't know exactly how thisll work, but I get more and more convinced each episode that this theory has some merit.

And this is a small one, but blah blah Norris reading a paper about loneliness, isolation, and hostile architecture blah blah blah metaphors symbolism blah blah you get the jist

I rlly just wanna talk about this show to anyone, I don't have friends who've seen TMA or TMP so my only option is talking about it here. PLS feel free to talk about your own opinions and ideas in reblogs and shit. I don't care if they counter mine I just wanna talk about this show I love it sm </3

#tma #the magnus archives #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol spoilers #the magnus protocol #sam tmagp #gerry keay #gerry kaey #tmagp theory

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bassettmemes · 1 year

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THEY’RE CREEPY AND THEY’RE KOOKY. ↳ a collection of lines from the first season of netflix’s wednesday. these are in no particular order and will contain spoilers for the show. some lines have been edited for clarity or to give options.

“those are all traits of great writers. and serial killers.”

“the first boy/girl/person i kiss would turn out to be a psychotic, serial-killing monster.”

“how do you feel about scary movies?”

“we work. we shouldn’t, but we do.”

“hummers stick together.”

“being your friend should come with a warning label.”

“you giggle when you text, which is a 24/7 addiction.”

“[name], the mark you have left on me is indelible.”

“i act as if i don’t care if people dislike me. deep down... i enjoy it.”

“are you really going to make me ask?”

“i want to assure you i remain as cold and heartless as the first day we met.”

“i’ll survive alone. i always do.”

“i could die alone!”

“we all die alone.”

“as soon as the dirt hits the coffin, i’m out.”

“[name] always looks half dead.”

“i actually fillet the bodies of my victims, then feed them to my menagerie of pets.”

“if you need me for anything, anything at all, i’m only a crystal ball away.”

“everyone would know i failed to get the job done.”

“not hugging is kind of our thing.”

“the only person who gets to torture my sibling is me.”

“you guys are making me nauseous. not in a good way.”

“my personal philosophy is kill or be killed.”

“you growl in your sleep.”

“i don’t know who etsy is, but i doubt she was an outcast settler.”

“if i am the monster, then why haven’t i killed you?”

“for some reason i cannot fathom or indulge, you seem to like me.”

“seriously, you could cut the tension with an executioner’s axe.”

“i’m not friend material, let alone more-than-friend material.”

“i will never fall in love, or be a housewife, or have a family.”

“i swear on my late scorpion’s soul, my hands are clean.”

“they couldn’t even spring for real pig’s blood. it’s only paint.”

“you know the old saying: never bring a knife to a swordfight. unless it’s concealed.”

“they want to turn me into a version of herself.”

“i find social media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation.”

“it takes a special kind of stupid to devote an entire theme park to zealots responsible for mass genocide.”

“emotions are a gateway trait. they lead to feelings, which trigger tears. i don’t do tears.”

“you’re really bad at cheering people up.”

“this reminds me of when you got your first grave-digging kit. you were so happy you nearly smiled.”

“there’s that biting sense of humor that i always adored.”

“if he breaks your heart, i’ll nail-gun his.”

“why would i share information about an ongoing investigation with a high school kid?”

“don’t you want eyes and ears behind those ivy-covered walls?”

“did you think i was going to judge you over some lousy prank?”

“i consistently stalk my parents.”

“i brought my pocket mace. the medieval kind.”

“it’s not my fault i can’t interpret your emotional morse code.”

“there’s nothing quite like the feeling of being proven right.”

“i’d rather stick needles in my eyes. i’ll probably do that anyway.”

“if you hear me screaming bloody murder, there’s a good chance i’m just enjoying myself.”

#sentence meme #sentence starters #sentence starter #sentence prompts #wednesday sentence staters #wednesday rp meme #rp meme #rp prompt #rp prompts #rp #addams family sentence starters

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lavender--fairy · 2 years

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heyy fairy!! (im the anon you talked to in your dm long ago ) i just wanna tell you and everyone THAT I FUCKING GOT INTO THE VOID!! I AM LITERALLY CRYING RN JDCBIJDBCH (long post!!) okay okay so basically i was trying since like 5 months and nothing, i didnt even feel the symptoms that other anons did which made me so frustrated that i cried my eyes out every night. After that my self concept got so down because of all the failing attempts. I decided to keep affirming no matter what, exactly like you told me to do. i affirmed when i didnt feel good, i affirmed when i feel like it wasnt working, i affirmed no matter what and kept trying every night, when i failed i'd still affirm, yesterday was no different day i mean i didnt feel extra powerful or anything i just affirmed for a while and then i slept, after a while i woke up to see myself in a completely black place i couldnt even feel my body and i realized instantly that i was in the void so i affirmed for my desires and decided to come back. and when i got back i felt like crying because after all this time i finally did it!! i was gonna check for my results but i felt exhausted so i decided to sleep when i accidentally knocked something down and when i saw what it was it was THE PHONE I MANIFESTED KDJCBUDHDB!! i literally wanted to scream, but i didnt even check it because idk i wanted to keep it all as a surprise for the morning lol. anyways i woke in the morning and as soon as i did i went to see my face and I STOOD THERE IN SHOCK BROO LIKE THAT IS ME?? THAT PRETTY ASS GIRL IN THEE MIRROR IS ME?? i was so excited omfg. idk even know how long i was just standing there admiring myself and t felt so weird because i never thought i was pretty and then i ran to check my phone and saw that MY BF?? THAT I NEVER HAD BUT NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN DO?? TEXTED ME A GM MESSAGE!! i stalked him for a while and gurl istg i dont think i will ever look at any other guy!! like he is so fucking fineee i was straight up drooling ong. then i thought i was forgetting to check something else that i manifested, until i opened my closet for taking a shower to see sooo many pretty clothes (i just realized i forgot to take the shower and had a fashion show instead byee lmfao) and and and on top of that i also found like a $1000 in pockets of one of the clothes and i already spent some money cause i have no self control. I am just sitting here still processing everything like broo this is real?? ALL THIS IS REALL!! to anyone who needs it: PLZZ PLZZ LISTEN TO FAIRY CAUSE SHE IS THE ONLY REASON I AM HERE WITH MY DESIRES!! keep persisting no matter what!! it will be so worth it, like at this point i dont even remember my struggles i am just so happy and proud. Your subconscious doesnt have eyes, it only listens to what you are constantly telling it, and also please focus on your inner convos i realized that i was talking shit about the void for soo long. To fairy the lmol: bestie you are the only reason i got into the void and no no you cant deny it. i would have given up and would still be crying like a bitch but omg i have everything i could ever want!!

hey butterbean!! THIS IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME OMGG!!! i am so proud of you bestie, i remember how used to tell me that you were on the edge of giving up and here you are!!! omgg i feel like a proud mom lmaoo Guys please please keep persisting and i promise you will be your own success story!!

#law of assumption #manifesting #manifestation #master manifestor #motivation #neville goddard #shifting #reality shifting #reality shift #successtory #the void #manifesation #visualization #affirmations #lavendiary

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mykoreanlove · 10 months

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DOPAMINE.

“Do you honestly believe this is love?”

“What?”

Hyunjin stared at you frantically.

“Do you” - he paused before emphasizing every word – “do you believe that this is love?”

His eyes were widened in rage, pupils dilated, breath held in cautiously. He watched you like prey, ready to attack any minute.

“What are you talking about? Of course, this is love. I love you Jinnie.”

“No. You don’t. You love what I do for you, that’s different.”

His tone cold as ice by now. You looked at him skeptically.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you don’t love me but use me. Has it ever occurred to you that I’m your personal drug dealer?”

You let out an exasperated sigh. You were used to his dramatic antics by now but judging by his tone of voice and stone-cold expression you were getting insecure where this was headed.

“My drug dealer? Enlighten me Hwang.”

“This between us is not a real connection. You use me to fill that giant void within yourself. I didn’t realize it at first but now I do. Hearing from me, worshiping you, loving you - that gets you off right?”

You were at a loss for words. Since you couldn’t get out a word you just looked at him, hoping that you would understand him better. Right in front of you wasn’t the guy you fell in love with, the one you spent the last couple of weeks laughing, kissing and goofing around with. Instead, there was a spiteful, raging guy who accused you of using him. You felt betrayed. You felt your face flood with anger, wanting to hurt him right back.

“You are so full of shit, honestly!”

“No, I’m not, I’m right. You use me for validation. You use me so you can feel good and desired and loved because you can’t feel like that on your own. You use me but don’t love me - it’s all about what I can do for you. Do you know how that makes me feel?”

For the first time you noticed the sad expression in his eyes. He left you speechless. Was he right? It was true that you felt very unfulfilled without him and got way happier ever since you met him. But was that wrong? One dreamy message could make your whole day, whereas no message would leave you ruined, crying all night fearing the worst. Was he right? Was this about you using him? Were your feelings fake? Did you even know what love was?

“Y/N, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be responsible for your mood; I can’t be the one controlling your happiness. It's like you're my emotional slave, that's sick! Don’t you get that?”

You opened your mouth but failed to speak. Your mind was racing, preoccupied with too many questions.

“I like you; I really do. My feelings for you were genuine but feeling your clinginess, your desperation and need for me is the biggest turn off ever. I’m disgusted with your behavior.” He really meant it; it was written all over his face. He despised you. Tears started to form at the corner of your eyes.

“You never saw me for who I was, instead you turned me into some kind of god that you could worship. But listen, Y/N, I’ not some deity that you pray for – I am a man. A human being with flaws and needs that you didn’t care about because it’s all about your ego!”

Hyunjin basically spat out those last words, the hurt in his voice screamed at you.

“I”.. your voice broke at the attempt of speaking.. “I had no idea you felt that way.”

He observed you for a long time. You sunk your head as you couldn’t stand his piercing gaze on you. What used to elicit butterflies in your stomach turned into a graveyard for broken hearts.

“I really hope that you can heal.”

“What?”

You looked up from your lap, panic rushing through your veins.

“I can do that; I can do that with you. You don’t have to leave me, Hyunjin please. We can work this out.”

You begged him to stay. Your teary eyes trying to convince him to give you another chance.

“No, we can’t. But I hope you will find a way.” He turned his back on you.

“Hyunjin, no. I can get better. I can be better. Please, please don’t leave me!”

Your shaky hands grabbed his arm hoping he’d stay. He freed himself out of your tight grasp and looked at you with disgust. You felt him loathing you in every bone of your body.

“I hope you’re content with yourself. Since you made me your idol” .. he paused and looked at you one last time before turning around and leaving for good .. “I’ll have to leave you like a fan.”

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love-toxin · 1 year

Note

I am verrryyy interested in that horny hellcheer vampire AU, Ellie.

GIMME THE DEETS!!!!

>:)

(cws: vampire!hellcheer, f!angelface, post-s4, kidnapping, kinda yandere, friends to lovers, facesitting, f on f oral, size kink, breeding, tribbing, heavy blood kink and injury imagery, blood drinking, messy sex, tit sucking/lactation mention, threesomes.)

For one, both Eddie and Chrissy are still....kind of....alive in the Upside Down. It's been awhile since Vecna's been subdued so he doesn't pose much of a problem, and in fact, after the two of them had reunited they'd scoped out a home nearby--a big, sprawling mansion that they've carefully plucked through and cleaned up to make their own. It's three stories with slanted, black roofs and plenty of ornate rooms, with tall windows and a gothic structure that just tickles Eddie's fancy to the max. It's more intact than others they've come across too, and it's got dark-coloured furniture in soft blacks and vibrant wine red that just pull the whole place together, plus a fireplace in the living room! Those awful, root-like tendrils are dragged out or snipped away, the doors are fixed, the windows painstakingly replaced, and they even get lights working and candles so it seems a little less dark and dreary. Before long, they take up in it long enough that it provides some kind of warmth, and serves as a bubble protected from the danger and chilling duskiness of this other world.

But even though they can call it home, and they can cozy up next to each other as much as they want, there's something missing. There's some kind of void they wish to fill. They just can't put their pale fingers on it until they enter into the Right Side Up to do a little hunting for the cool season, since food is fairly scarce on the other side. It's hard to tell how much time has passed in the Upside Down, but when they stumble across you trudging through the snow in the woods, you don't look any different than when they knew you in life--just tired, but still beautiful. It's not even a question then, there's no debate; Chrissy and Eddie grab you and take you back to their world, too busy with gleefully snuggling you and kissing your face to be bothered by your kicking and frightened screaming. It's only until you punch Eddie and send him flying that they realize they're still in bat form, as it makes it easier for them to traverse Hawkins undetected, and they both transform to their normal selves before you can go running and crying back through the portal.

Yes, it's technically kidnapping, but once they have you sat in their living room next to the fire, a blanket wrapped round your shoulders, you're so happy to see them in the flesh. You seem so shocked when they casually mention their love for you, that they want you to stay with them from now on. But you find yourself agreeing, willing to do anything so long as you don't lose them again, and they just love that unquestionable devotion. But they would never take advantage of that, oh no--they hold each other to that promise secretly, that they won't use your sweet, people-pleaser attitude for their own satisfaction, not at all! No matter how easy you make it, or how much you want it....

That lasts for about a couple days into you living with them. Without much else to do, you've taken the task of cleaning up, even donning the cutesy dress Eddie had brought home pseudo-jokingly to fill your part as the maid. Even then, Eddie had seriously questioned whether or not you were teasing him intentionally--hiking up your skirt and wearing those thigh-highs when you know he's standing right behind you, and you never seem surprised when he makes himself known. Quite interesting indeed.

Unsurprisingly, Chrissy's the one that breaks first. Eddie finds out when he comes back from a perimeter check, and stumbles upon his partner riding your face on the living room floor. He's caught her before with her hand down her skirt as she watches you dust, but that's been relatively secret and easy to hide from you. He does it too, anyways, so it's not such a big deal. But Eddie's surprised not by Chrissy's wine-red face as she humps your mouth, but the sight of your nails dug into her milky thighs as you yank her back down and bury your face between them even deeper. Neither of them had wanted to rush you into something serious and scare you away, but when that happens, it seems to dawn on Eddie that maybe they were the ones missing all the signs themselves.

And that's how your relationship really started. Now, it's much more....intense. With free time aplenty and few responsibilities aside from getting blood and food and other mortal necessities for you, all three of you have plenty of opportunities to make the most of your quality time together. With their vampire traits, it makes it even better; Eddie can just keep going and going and going, breeding you over and over again until you're the one tapping out, because one more orgasm will have you passing out. And Chrissy's so strong, she can lift you even with that tiny frame and pin you down like you weigh absolutely nothing against her. Throw you around on the couches and the bed and the floor, whenever and wherever she feels like biting into her little maid and rewarding you for letting her suck a little bit out of you.

That happens quite frequently, too. Those times are more performative, they don't drink as much as they would from you since they want you to last--but they just make those little punctures on your neck and your wrist, and when the sting has subsided, they smear your delicious blood over your skin and let it drip all over their bodies. Chrissy usually latches herself to your tits, rubbing them with soft hands and letting them slide with the slickness of your own blood, just making the whole process messy and sticky and delectable. You'd think she's trying to get milk out of you with how hard she sucks on them, soothing those sore nipples with gentle laps of her tongue when she makes it hurt. And Eddie loves the show of watching you get covered with a sheen of your own blood, when he's too hard not to just be a voyeur any longer, he just goes animalistic once he's inside you. He absolutely has his way with you, your poor, precious human cunt stretched to the limit by how swollen you never realized Eddie could get when he's aroused--it feels like he might tear you apart with how stiff and how huge he feels against your walls. He batters your poor womb with thrusts like a madman, pulling your legs round his waist and daring you to give up and tell him to breed you. While she's still on top, Chrissy pulls your wrist down and coaxes more blood to drip on to his cock as he pulls out, lubing it up for him and sharing a coppery-tasting kiss before he starts fucking you ruthlessly again.

Only then does he get the idea to make it even messier, to nuzzle Chrissy's head aside and sink his teeth into the softest part of her neck, knowing full well how wet it makes her and that her cunt's drooling all over your stomach as she straddles you. He grabs her hair and guides her to bite him back, the deep indent of her fangs in his throat feeling like a drug as he throws his head back and cums right then and there. It's magical, glorious--and Eddie doesn't stop, of course he doesn't stop. He doesn't have to and doesn't even have to slow down for that matter, he just keeps hammering into you even when you're cumming and squealing and clenching around him as the blood loss and the ecstasy start making you dizzy. There's blood pouring down Eddie's chest and spilling out of Chrissy's mouth, the two of them absolutely high and drunk on bloodlust as they both keep humping you--Chrissy in a much more aimless manner, she just keeps dragging her puffy, slick-soaked folds up and down your belly until Eddie yanks her hips back, and settles her down to grind her clit right up against yours. And she can feel the vibrations from Eddie's thrusts as well as his belly as it slaps into her from behind, quickly gathering up a sticky patch of her arousal as he unintentionally helps get her off too. It's a bloody, sweaty, cum-sticky mess when their hunger turns to lust, and it solidifies that possession over you that they feel getting stronger day by day.

You're theirs, only theirs--theirs to kiss, to fuck, to breed, to feed from, and to mate with for life. You're theirs forever, and no force on heaven, earth, or whatever hellscape they live in could tear you from their undead grasp.

#hellcheer #hellcheer x reader #eddie munson #chrissy cunningham #eddie munson x reader #chrissy cunningham x reader #eddie's angelface #vampire!eddie munson #vampire!chrissy cunningham #vampire au #spicy writing #st 4 #stranger things #ellie writes #anons

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wordsofhoneydew · 4 months

Text

happy friday!!

put on your fucking seatbelts y’all because these fics will have you screaming, crying, throwing up, hyperventilating and climbing the fucking walls

read the tags. some of these have kinks that not everyone is into, so just make sure you know what you’re stepping into! the other half of these are just fluff fluff fluff!! enjoy!

home is where i’m with you by @luainthewild

where alex seeks the meaning of home and finds it in Henry's arms.

OR: Henry has to spend Christmas alone; Alex refuses and invites him to Texas. Ensue family crack, a lof of fluff, sexy dancing and love confession on a christmas card.

(We) Loved Her First by @hgejfmw-hgejhsf

When I thought about all of the things I wanted to say to you both today, my initial urge was to write a letter. I could borrow Dad’s fountain pen from his top desk drawer and watch the ink soak slowly into the cardstock paper, to blow it dry and carefully crease it in three places before sliding it into an envelope and sealing it with the wax seal Papa bought a few years back, that he said we could use to send our Christmas cards to Sandringham in a more formal way so that Uncle Pip wouldn’t expect to find us wearing matching Christmas tree onesies inside.

But then I realized, a letter isn’t your style. It isn’t our style. Your story, the same story weaved together countless times throughout my life into a tapestry of your love that blanketed me at night whenever I needed comforting, was told through a series of pixels swirling through the air and crossing the void of space and time within moments. So, I decided it was only fitting to continue that tradition and to follow in your footsteps…an email, it is.

Alex and Henry's daughter sends them an email just before they walk her down the aisle on her wedding day.

we might just get away with it by smc_27

Henry is the most gorgeous man Alex has ever seen. And Alex has seen a lot of gorgeous men. He’s a fucking model.

“This is Henry Fox-Mountchristen,” Prada’s current PR lead says, and Alex smiles and pushes his hand out. “He’s a journalist covering the merger.”

Alex doesn’t know what merger or what it would have to do with Paris Fashion Week. But he does know that Henry holding a glass of champagne as he shakes Alex’s hand is maybe the sexiest thing ever, and there is just no explanation for that.

“Hi. I’m Alex.”

Henry says, “I know,” and then does this weird, forced smile at Bianca and walks away.

Alex doesn’t know how to like, not be completely obsessed with things he wants.

OR, Alex is a model. Henry is a journalist, and a bit of an asshole. Alex wants him anyway, even when it doesn’t feel good.

Leave A Message by @sherryvalli

"This is Alex Claremont-Diaz's phone. If it's a business matter, I don't know how you got ahold of this number, but if you have my number that means you probably have Zahra's. Call her instead. If you're friends or family, just text me. If you're anyone else, I'll call you back as soon as I can."

Or: Alex's voicemail message over the years, and the messages people leave for him.

in the dead of night by @littlemisskittentoes

“Hm, am I still dreaming, or is there very pretty boy playing with me under the covers?” Alex’s voice is gruff. Its edges are coated in lingering sleep, and the drowsy-slow pull of the words lulls them to a deeper accent than he usually lets slip through. The syrupy drawl skitters the length of Henry’s spine.

or, Henry knows he can always rely on Alex to tire him out when sleep is far off.

#wohd recs #rwrb #red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #prince henry rwrb #rwrb movie #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alex x henry #rwrb alex #firstprince

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astral-nautical · 5 months

Text

suckening liveblog bc i dont wanna spam my friends lol

spoilers ahead!!!!!!!!!!!! going to put all of episode 1 in one post :O

i didnt expect emizel to be pronounced tht way tbh!! em-ee-zel...i expected emi-zel if tht makes Any sense

oh emizel got daddy issues? sad. wait he runs a GANG?

the arts fucking insane dude im so happy they worked w so many people for this

oh hello soda :O bro has some transgender energy already like. who dresses themselves in stuff w their name on it if not someone who picked their own name?

GANG WAR,? i love emizel i dont know if this is the rightr vibe or not but hes giving me 'punk kid whose pretending to be in a gang' and i love him for it

smash bros commentary is so funny omg

oohhh vampire time soon???? fangs gonna BITE

'sometimes i just say shit and idk what it means' SAME SODA.

ohhhhh nooo this is not gooooood. oh em ur getting fucked uppp

FIRST COMBAT WOOOOO omg the music is fucing phenomenal i love u nathan hanover

oh my god this is fuckjign insane NO SODAAAAAAAAAAA

ayo ? kiss time ig. NAHHHHH BITE TIME

wat the fuuuuuuck What the fuuuuuck LMAO FUCK DOUBLE BITE??????? CHOMP CHOMP MOTHERFUCKER

FRENZY CHECK??????? oh here we go dude vampire timeee

so emizels fucked. ANYWAYS ROMANIA

bizlys character art looks like hes abt to cry lmao. sad little twink

im so fond of this guy and hehasnt even talked? hes so funny. why are you so well dressed AYO EYESHADOW?

SHILO IS SO FUNNY I LOVE HIM? oh no his accent is so cute. cute as in like a stuffed animal is cute not like attraction. im aroace

is shilo like? rapunzel? is he not allowed to leave his room ?

hes so funny im so fucking endeared omg

"WHAT DOES A VAMPIRE KNOW ABOUT FENCING?"

oh he IS rapunzel he's never met a mortal!! why is his mother never letting him out :O

oh....he wants a book on birds :,) he wants to read abt pheasants....

HE WANTS A PET PHESSANT I AM GOING TO START CRYING

shilo is a manipulative little BASTARD i love him he can do no wrong in my eyes forever and always. my wet and pathetic cat that i hold so dearly

ohh curious boy curious boy...doing this he should Not b

oh fuck shilo's mom so much i have a bad feeling abt her alreadyyyyy

my bbg...run away flee this place get OUT god i fucking hate his mother she caused him so much shame he's frenzying :((((

'both of you will take me to the darkened door, or i Will Scream." shilo you are my favourite forever and ever

ARTHUR.......OH HIS DESIGN IS COOL AS FUCK

kitty kitty cat :O give me their name rnv ITS A GIRL oh the little kityt noises im going to pass away

void...is she smarter than arthur lmao?

FUCLFUCKFUCK COWBOY VAMPIRE IM SHITTING MYSELFNSJFDJS

arthurs so cool hes like if rumi had a goth phase

fucking What is arthurs deal whts he looking for here. hello

SHILOAPPEARING IN THE AUTO SHOP IM GONNA LOSE IT. GUARD HELP THERE IS OIL ON MYHANDS Who is that.

"i believe in you. you are my special boy<3" shilo is such an asshole i adore him

emizel is here :O the trio are meeting up lets gooo

how did i COMPLETELY miss arthur can control shadows what the FUCK. what the HELL. ARMS OF THE ABYSS?

THE SHOEHSHFJAKGK

"i ask of you to calm down" "...i flick my other shoe at him."

"GREFGOR WE HAVE TO GO EVEYYONEW IS BIG AND TRYING TIO KILL EACH OTHER :(" shilo i adore you.

"uh. Pretend i am dead." (collapses)

this is beyond fucking funny. emi and arthur sorting themselves out while shilo has a panic attack and fakes being dead like a fucking possum

NAH THEY END THE EP THERE? THATS SO FUCKING FUNNY GOODBYE

in conclusion shilo is my newest bbg and my discord server profile is already fanart of him. god bless

#just roll with it #jrwi #jrwi the suckening #the suckening #the suckening spoilers

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kayleezra · 7 months

Text

Some Strangers (Part 3 to Someone Else) // (Marcus Pike x GN!Reader)

Word Count: 3219 Warnings: not even proofread in the slightest! I’m letting yall read this rawdawg Summary: Last part babes! This is it, the grand finale of angst! Good luck to you all and sorry for any emotional turmoil this series may have caused you 😌

Marcus’s POV

I was offering her a life, a future, with me. Because I needed to fill the void in my heart, a void the shape of you. I wanted Teresa to fit void and I tried to make her fit but she didn’t and she knew she didn’t she knew she was competing with someone else, someone who wasn’t even around anymore. So she left, I don’t blame her, I’ve become a version of myself I hate. I destroyed what I had with you for a false future, a future that was built with you. I was selfish, I am selfish, I saw something new and shiny and thought it’d fulfill the future I had with you but that was the problem. The future I wanted was only possible with you. I not only ruined that but dragged another woman into this mess as well. She’ll be fine, Teresa was with me as a distraction from Patrick, an attraction that couldn’t be ignored. Now she’s with the man she wanted and I’m alone. I deserve the ache and pain I’m feeling, the heavy guilt that sits on my shoulders, I hate what I did and who I became.

I was able to start anew in Washington. The pain never left me but no one knew my horrific actions, the man who had been divorced once and later left his soulmate for a woman he barely knew all because she was new and exciting. I went to work and lived my life day-to-day quite ordinarily. Never socialized, I couldn’t hide my pain well enough to socialize or make friends. But this false sense of security came to a screaming halt when I was told I’d be returning to California for a case. There I’d face Teresa, who was happy with Patrick and the city where I made my biggest mistake.

As much as I hated the idea of going my heart leapt at the chance. You were there, I’d be close to you. I could visit you. I could, but I won’t. I know you don’t want to see me. When I think of you I’m reminded of how amazing you are and how much I love you but for you, I remind you of pain and heartbreak, that anyone can leave no matter how much you love them. I’m not just a ghost in your life but a haunting, a poltergeist. My actions haunt you every day, have changed your view of the world and yourself in the worst way possible, I’ve instilled fear in you.

I’ve arrived at my old office, I’m not working with Teresa’s team but God isn’t kind enough to spare me entirely.

“Can I help you?” an all too familiar voice asks, breaking me from the report I was filling out.

I turn to see him, Patrick Jane, the man Teresa left me for, the man she wanted me to be.

“Jane.”

“Mike… Hello,” he welcomes awkwardly, surprised at my presence, understandable.

“I’m uh here consulting on a case, was a last-minute assignment,” I explain, avoiding the elephant in the room.

“Beard looks good.”

He’s starting to piss me off, I don’t know what he wants, if he wants me to beg for information about Teresa and make him feel like more of a man but he’s already won. He’s got the girl of his dreams; Teresa, and I have lost mine; you.

“It’s for an undercover thing,” I pause, he wants to acknowledge the elephant in the room, “so, you and her?” I finally ask.

He makes his way closer, “Yeah, um, I’m sorry we’d- we didn’t intend for it to happen like this.” He almost seemed genuinely apologetic, something I didn’t expect, I thought I’d come back here a hated man, not a pitied one. “I know the last thing on her mind was hurting you.”

The words hurt because it's exactly what I did to you, unintentionally hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you.

“I know that,” I respond quickly, trying to get this over with as soon as possible, trying to forget the pain I feel while here. My eyes dart around the room looking for an escape but there is none.

I take a breath, Teresa and Patrick, the perfect couple, will probably live a picturesque life like the one you and I planned together before I burned it to the ground.

“So do you have a plan?” I ask, thinking about the future I promised you and then tried to force upon Teresa. My tone and demeanour have become more hostile, not at Jane but rather at myself for losing the future I wanted.

“I- I don’t really understand,” Jane plays dumb, he wants

“Well, I was offering her a life,” a life I planned and built with you, that I wanted to fulfill with you, “a home, a family if she wanted it,” a home I wanted to come home to, to see knick knacks you’d decorate the place with, a home where you’d be at ease. A family we made together, maybe kids running around with sticky fingers or just gathered friends and loved ones around our dining room table. “A future,” that only has meaning with you in it. “Have you thought about any of that?” Does Patrick think about the very real future he has with Teresa? Because I think about the future I could have had with you every damn day.

“I haven’t thought that far ahead yet,” Patrick answers.

He has a real potential future with Teresa, they’ve known each other for years, and he hasn’t thought about what their future may look like, while I still dream about what our future could have been. I look back when I first started thinking about the future with you in it and panicked because I thought I was moving too fast and that if I voiced my thoughts I’d scare you away. Little did I know that you were thinking the same thing, secrets we each kept until one fateful night months down the line.

If Patrick doesn’t think about his future… what is it he wants from her? “Well… what’re you offering her?” I ask quizzically, confused about how a couple can seem to love each other so furiously and not think about their future together. Maybe it’s because Jane has never had to worry about his future romantically, he believes people will always be banging at his door to get a taste, “I mean other than Patrick Jane,” I add with venom, angry at the situation I find myself in in comparison to Jane.

We don’t get any further as Teresa’s lone voice pierces the silent room.

“Hey,” she says politely announcing her presence, clearing looking for Jane.

Jane excuses himself, passing Teresa while whispering some cute pet name. Teresa scans the room nervously as I approach, wanting to talk without listening ears hearing, she has the same question Jane did when he realized it was me.

“What’re you doing here?” she asks.

“I’m consulting on a case, just had to fill out a deposition,” I finish with a sad sigh. When I look at Teresa all I see is the pain in your eyes when I told you about her. Before, when I saw her and you disappeared from my mind, now? You’re all I can think about.

I don’t let her prolong the conversation, “anyway, it was good to see you, Teresa.”

“You too, Marcus,” she says meekly.

I acknowledge Jane with a curt nod and go to leave, happy to get out of the office. I'm about to reach the doorway and breathe a sigh of relief when Teresa calls out, “They’re still here,” she says with some urgency.

I stop in my tracks but don’t turn, I don’t know what she means yet or if she’s even talking to me, but then she says your name. I haven’t heard your name out loud in what feels like millennia, it’s sharp yet refreshing like ice. You don’t just live in my head, you’re still real, you still have a life to live that isn’t the fantasy in my head. I turn to look at Teresa, having so many questions I want to ask, to pick every bit of information she has about you but I don’t get the chance.

“I think it’d be good if you saw each other. Maybe buried the hatchet,” she says with a reassuring nod. Then she goes to the nearest table and begins writing on a scrap piece of paper. “I think you need it, the both of you,” she adds before joining Jane and leaving. The paper has a phone number. Your phone number.

– Second Person POV, Past –

Life had been… boring… grey without Marucs. You weren’t miserable, you’d found a new normal, a new baseline. You weren’t happy or sad, but not numb or robotic either… it was like you were just going through the days letting the wind blow you wherever but you also weren’t relaxed as that might suggest. You were in an in-between, neither here nor there. Until you’d gotten a text.

Your phone buzzed in the morning while you were getting ready for the day. The number wasn’t in your contact list but the message made it clear who it was from.

‘I thought you should know that Marcus and I have split. I’m telling you because he’s still living with the ghost of you, maybe you guys can work things out. -Teresa’

It felt like the text was supposed to bring you relief but it didn’t. It dwarfed you back to the melancholy feeling you were drawing in when Marcus first told you about Teresa. You didn’t think this was your chance to get him back, you didn’t feel bad that Marcus had made a mistake and still wanted you. You just felt small… your emotions were so big that you felt small.

You didn’t know what to say to her, you didn’t owe her anything but she wasn’t at fault for anything either. You settle on something that doesn’t focus on you, on what happened.

‘I’m sorry things didn’t work out for you. I wish you guys could’ve been happy.’

The text is heartbreakingly true. Marcus hurt you and you still loved him, always would, but because of that, you wanted him happy even if the cost was you. You accepted living a miserable life while watching him and Teresa get married, have kids, and grow old together, because at least then Marcus would still exist in your world even if you didn’t exist in his.

Nothing more came out of that text. You’re thankful for that. You got to truck on in your grey life and not be set back or thrown in a whirlwind.

– Second Person POV, Present –

As more time passed you healed. Your smile became less fake. You didn’t forget about Marcus but in a way… you did. Marcus didn’t rule over you as a gloomy cloud anymore. This was not a result thanks to you and you alone, you credit your therapist for a lot of it. Even though your therapist would tell you that you’re the one who sought therapy, that you’re the one who kept up with it, that you’re the one who did the work. And you 100% are that person, you are to thank them while also acknowledging the help their guidance provided.

You felt new like you’d broken out of the dead shell Marcus left you in. You’re on the way home from a decent day when you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket, you glance at it and see a number you don’t recognize. At first, you think it to be a scam but then your eyes skim the message and you know it’s not. You also know that whatever is within the text while requires your full attention so you pocket it and try not to overthink it for the time being.

You’re happy to get home, it finally feels like your safe space, the place where you're most comfortable. So once you drop your things you debate whether you settle in or read the text. You decide to settle in, you’ll feel better, you want to read it when the rest of the day and done. You unpack your bag and change while trying not to let your mind catch fire with anticipation.

Finally, you sit down and open the text.

‘I know this is random and we have no relation or obligations to one another but Marcus is in town. Patrick and I ran into him in the office, he’s in for a case. I’m not here to tell you that he looks miserable because he doesn’t but he’s… I don’t know, grown. And I know his actions still haunt him. I hope the two of you can meet, even just for coffee, to lay everything to rest.’

Her message is cordial and not pushy. It’s dawned on you since her last message that she’s so eager for you and Marcus to bury the hatchet because she saw his aftermath. You might have healed but he might not have, he might still have something to get off his chest. You don’t owe him anything to help him heal or clear his conscious. You don’t pity him or feel sympathy but you do still love and care about him, maybe not the same way you once did, but you still do nonetheless. You let out a loud sigh before you begin typing.

‘Do you have his number?’

‘No but I know how we can do this’

A little bit later you get a text from Teresa that tells you that you and Marcus will meet at a nearby lounge after work. From what she tells you, you think it sounds all too inconspicuous, like he’s being kidnapped but after some further discussion, it was the easiest way without getting anyone in trouble.

A few days later you find yourself putting more effort into your look. You tell yourself it isn’t for Marcus and it isn’t, you’re not trying to win him back with your looks, you just want to put your best foot forward with him. A small part of you is even excited, the old you that’s still with Marcus. Another louder voice is terrified. You think of him and worry that all you’ll be able to see and think about is how awful he left you, broke you. You put effort in to try and drown out the voices as well, you can’t feel bad when you look good right?

You make you’re way to the lounge at the set time, and see Marcus seated alone. You go to join him, your heart is in your throat and you suddenly feel nauseous. When Marcus sees you his eyes widen and he freezes for a moment before abruptly standing from his chair. He whispers your name in disbelief and his shocked reaction tells you that Teresa didn’t tell him you’d be showing up.

“Marcus,” a beat of silence, “I take it Teresa didn’t tell you I was coming?”

“N-no, no, she uh- said something about an agent and I meeting for a case, I-”

You can’t help but laugh at how nervous he is. You finally nod and explain, “yeah, no. That’s not what’s happening, umm, I was told you were in town and I was hoping we could meet and-” and what? I don’t know.

“Of course, yeah-” he agrees.

You smile, he looks good, he has some facial hair but it suits him. Then you realize that the two of you are standing awkwardly at a table, “guess I’ll take a seat,” you tease yourself.

Marcus moves and says he’ll help you, “oh no, I got it, don’t worry, sit down,” you reassure.

Finally, the two of you are seated and there is an awkward silence. Both of you try to start a conversation at the same time.

“Oh, sorry, you go ahead,” the both of you say at the same time. Which ends up in the both of you laughing.

Marcus feels his heart come to life again when he hears your laugh. He doesn’t realize how much he missed this, misses you. But if he is honest he knows he doesn’t deserve your smile, your laugh, your love. After, what he did he doesn’t deserve you, he doesn’t expect you to want him back either. Life feels more colourful than usual when he sees you but a part of his chest aches because he knows that this is no longer his, all because of him.

“How have you been?” you ask with a smile.

“Uh, good… I guess”

“You guess?”

“Yeah, I just… there’s been a lot going on between the move and then work and- you know, just busy,”

You nod solemnly, “I’m sorry about you and Teresa by the way. I really did want it to work out for you,”

Marcus can’t help but look away, filled with guilt.

“Yeah I don’t think I wanted wanted it to work with her…” he says quietly.

“What?” you ask with your brows furrowed.

Marcus looks away and clearly becomes nervous, “I didn’t want Teresa as Teresa. I… we got together and all I wanted was for her to be you. That… that was what ended our relationship, I was trying to make her into someone she wasn’t because she isn’t who I wanted.”

Oh, you think. “Oh…” you say aloud upon realization.

Marcus nods guiltily, “yeah… I hurt you and dragged another woman into the mess all for… something I still can’t quite understand.”

“Marcus… I’m sorry but we can’t- I’m just not-,” you sigh, “we can’t just get back together,” you explain painfully, both because you are reminded of the pain he caused and because it feels like you’re saying ‘good-bye’ to him again.

“Oh no no! I wasn’t implying that- I just, I needed you to know that… there was nothing ever wrong with you. You had everything I wanted and for some reason… I tried finding that in another woman…” Marcus explains.

You nod, a heavy silence covering the both of you.

“So are you staying or going to be around for a while?” you ask Marcus curiously.

“I’m not sure, until the case is solved for sure but… afterwards… I’m not quite sure what I’m doing,” Marcus scoffs at himself.

“Well… don’t stay away because of me.” you say softly, “I was able to find my peace and you deserve that too… and maybe if you’re going to be around for a while we can find time like this every now and again, and just get the closure we both need.”

Marcus’s eyes light up at the thought of seeing you again and his chest aches at the thought of being so close to you, living in the same city, but not being able to love you how he wants. He looks at you and sees a new person, a bright, smiling, lively person who isn’t letting their past haunt them and Marcus knows that that means the door for him is closed. It hurts but he doesn’t fault you, you deserve it and like you said, maybe he does too.

(A/N: don't forget to join my taglist or just let me know if you wish to be added since not everyone tagged is in my taglist!)

Taglist: @spideysimpossiblegirl @littlemisspascal @writer-darling @avengetheunnatural @currentobsessionrabbithole @harriedandharassed @alberta-sunrise @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @jediknight122 @thirddeadlysin @kirsteng42 @theredwritingwitch @wildemaven @tuquoquebrute @louderfortheback @trey-18 (also tagged those that were so kind about the first/second part!)

#marcus pike x you #marcus pike x reader #marcus pike fanfiction #marcus pike #the mentalist fanfic

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chubbybunyu · 9 months

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Kazuscara OTP tickle questions

So I saw the OTP tk ask game going around again, and I know this technically isn't how you're supposed to do it but I am. Brainrotting. About these two sO BADLY I HAD TO GET THIS OUT before I disappear back into the void lmao

✨️So here I go ehe✨️

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1. Who has the cutest tickle laugh? Kazuha! His laugh and giggles are so airy and just the right amount of raspy uGH I wanna hear him laugh all day...

Wanderer's laugh is really cute too but man's screaming half of the time. Tho one thing that makes him almost cuter than Zuzu is that he starts hiccupping if you tickle him long enough~

2. Who is ticklish in unusual places and where would that be? I'm not saying that neck is an unusual spot, but I think Wanderer's made_in_Inazuma mark is ridiculously sensitive-- if Wanderer is acting bratty in public, Zuzu just uses his vision to make a gentle breeze brush against the spot and Wanderer stops whatever he's doing as if he slammed into a wall and turns to pout at the other sdfghfh But also when they're alone Kazuha LOVES peppering it with tiny kisses and Wanderer is in stitchessss hehe

3. Who gets cheer-up tickles? Wanderer 100% and it's so effective and he's sO GRUMPY ABOUT IT like my god he wants to be mad about it bc it doesn't fit his ✨️mean aesthetics✨️ but he can't help but just giggle and feel like his head is getting all fuzzy n happy when Zuzu scoops him up and gently tickles him all over until he's feeling better again

4. Who takes advantage of the other one getting their arms stuck while taking off their shirt? B o t h, but Wanderer definitely learned from Kazuha ahah. And they both wear so many layers that it's a weekly occurrence and at this point they're so used to both of them taking advantage of it that they just automatically start to panic a little when they realize they're stuck, so if the other hadn't noticed it on their own they sure would now sdfghj

5. How did they discover each other’s ticklishness? Wanderer was probably breaking records being annoying and buzzing around Kazu's head, provoking him in one way or another and he just got fed up and grabbed his ankle to pull him down, but to both of their surprise Wanderer fell out of the air on his very own accord (accompanied with an adorably uncharacteristic squeak, I might add) bc the feeling startled him so much lmao and Zuzu did NOT leave him be until he admitted he was ticklish (I think y'all can imagine how Kazuha coaxed that out of him~)

And afterwards Wanderer tried to tease it out of Kazuha too but he just straight up admitted with a chuckle that "ofc I'm ticklish" and Wanderer could Not wrap his head around how he wasn't even slightly embarrassed about it lmao

6. Who can’t take tickle bites? Kazuha oh my gosh, he melts in seconds. I also think that Wanderer's teeth are a bit sharper than normal so his nibbles are DEADLY. And he knows that.

7. Who has to be tickle-forced out of bed in the morning? Hmm, neither has trouble in the morning, but I think Wanderer has to be tickled INTO bed sometimes. Sure, he technically doesn't need sleep but Zuzu wants to cuddle at night and if Wanderer's being difficult about it (which he usually isn't bc Kazuha's cuddles are god tier) he just gets dragged to bed, locked into a hug and tickled until he gets tired enough to actually fall asleep himself too hehe

8. Who gives up in a tickle fight? Wanderer, the feeling still catches him off guard quite a bit, especially when it goes on for a while since tickling has been introduced to him quite recently, so if you manage to pin him down he's done~

But once he gets a bit more used to it he'll be a dangerous opponent for sure///

9. Who is in danger of getting hurt when attacking the other? Kazu, Wanderer f l a i l s. Not a single limb is left unused in his attempts of breaking free if you tickle him hard enough He'll still pout if you stop too soon tho

10. Who always provokes the other into tickling them and how? Wanderer~ His brattiness goes up a notch and he seems to find something to playfully bicker about over everything, and it all is accompanied with a faint blush (that he will deny to the end of time) and an occasional glance at Zuzu's hands. So subtle~

But Kazuha also somehow manages to provoke him into GETTING tickled from time to time. Don't ask him how, Wanderer has no goddamn idea but it just. Keeps. Happening.

#when I say my every waking moment is consumed by these two rn.........#I've been planning on doing art about them as well but work has been Brutal sobs #also kdfhsj if anyone WANTS to send me other genshin pairings for this go for it hahah I'd love to share more headcanons✨️#genshin tickles #otp tk game #lee wanderer #ler wanderer #lee kazuha #ler kazuha

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plotbunnsies · 1 year

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What if Aizawa is some form of cryptic that one day stumbled upon the school someday and he wasn't allowed to leave ever since? Like he's Mothman or some shit (btw check out this wip of aizawa being Mothman that i found) and he's being a lil cryptic shit like "Everyone's gonna be so confused" and so he sits their as a student in the hero course. Enter Oburo and Hizashi.

They take one look at the thing with hair as black as the void, eyes that are hazy, always shifting, always watching, and the smell of dew and grass and mold coming off him like he's been living in the forest all his life. They take one look at this Aizawa i-take-your-quirk-if-you-come-too-close Shouta and decide he's their best friend now.

And since then Aizawa is stuck.

He hisses and scratches and his eyes turns blood red and somehow your quirk refuses to work? Aww he's an introvert!

He skips school until either one of his 'friends' come and drag him their? Aww he wants to walk to school with them!

He lives in a forest? Ooh he's also antisocial too, but don't worry shouta! We'll be sure to give you a healthy dose of socialisation so you wont go crazy all alone!

He can talk to animals? Must have been hit with a quirk when you were younger!

Can talk to shadows? Wow, young shouta must have been very clumsy to be hit with so much quirks

Wait what's his quirk? Well, nezu gave them this analysis after shouta tore his to shreds and looks like he can null quirks he looks at. Cool!

How shouta got into school? The teachers figured he was a potential nezu found. Nezu figured he was a potential one of his staff found and wanted to be cryptic about him to get back at all th bs nezu pulls on them.

A quick search into the school's database and another search in the government database and nezu is slightly concerned about why this child does not have an identity

The next day official papers were presented to Hizashi and co. to keep on and make sure aizawa doesn't shred

And it went on for years. No one could figure that aizawa Was Not Human for years, until he's somehow roped into teaching a bunch of brats about heroics and whatever other bs this society is on about these days. A young kid with bush-like hair enters his classroom, takes one look at him, and asks "what the fuck is that"

If aizawa could die, he would be happy dying at this moment. He swears he can feel these 'happy tears' his friends talk about.

And so aizawa and midori for the remainder of the year try to find anyone who’d just believe them.

His friends thinks it’s nice that he's bonding with his students. He's using "friends" with heavy quotations for the rest of the year as retaliation.

On the day of oburo's death, two pieces of shouta died. A piece he intentionally gave away to his...friend to still have a connection to this earth to visit it whenever he wishes to

And a piece, crumbled to dust when the ghost of oburo stood above collapsed buildings and shot him a smile. It was not eye-hurting-bright smile, and was not i-am-annoying-you-like-friends-do smile. It was like the smiles nezu-sensei gives him when he says he's not human, or that he doesn't need therapee because he'll never feel like other people do

And oburo looks at him and asks him one question

"How many quirks were you hit with, sho-sho?"

A glass-shattering scream could be heard from across the country. Many believed it was a grieving hizashi scream. It was the scream of a very frustrated aizawa

He threw the piece of his shadows at his face, and left with a done shout of "this will ground you to this plane. Visit hizashi and nemuri for fucks sake!" And leaves

And if he goes to check on hizashi after two whole days on no-pestering, if he lets nemuri cry on him and doesnt complain of the salty, slimy liquids that get absorbed into his hair, if he lets tensei talk and talk and mourn a shout and cry more than any human probably should, if he talked and talked and talked and checked and persuaded his, his friends to try this therapy guy and let them hug him and drag him around with less aggression because now they're sad and fragile and he doesn't want, he refuses to be the reason they snap

Then no one but his shadows will know. And the annoying ghost of oburo.

And the therapist nezu-sensei forced him to go to. Maybe he shouldn't have said that he can't feel like humans.

#i think im no longer burnt out #this feels good #boku no hero acedamia #my hero acedamia #aizawa shōta #mha #oboro shirakumo #nemuri kayama #kayama nemuri #yamada hizashi #principal nedzu #bnha nedzu #midoriya izuku

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poindexters-labratory · 2 months

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I'm going to scream into the void right now. I don't expect much response in return, I'm more or less using my blog as a medium to explain my emotions to myself. What I'm thinking and what I'm feeling after having a difficult past few days.

For context: My partner of four and half years and I have separated on good terms, fair terms, and I'm not really sure what to do. Toward the end of this relationship, I had found myself predicting every possible situation and where every outburst might potentially occur. They were an explosive person, but not in a malicious way, more so in a way that they didn't know how to control. We decided it would be best if they left to learn how to control it.

At the moment, we're taking a weeklong break of no contact, maybe longer, but that's what they've told me before we start conversating again and start on the road to becoming friends. I'm, again, putting this on the blog because I don't have any specific person I can confide in about how I'm thinking and feeling about this large change in my life. They were everything to me, legitimately the only person I had to go to for things like that.

When you know someone for that amount of time, when you're as young as I am, knowing someone for four and a half years takes up a lot of time in the mind. From the point right before I started my freshman year of high school, to eventually now, where I'm almost a year out of school. And when you talk to the same person pretty much every day, there's this thing that happens, especially to folks like me that have brains wired in strange ways, to where everything all the time at every point of everyday centers around them. A dependence. An addiction.

I was hurting, I am consciously aware of my situation and I am consciously happy to get out of what I know is a bad situation, but my soul aches for just one more conversation, one more word, one more stupid meme that will give me that hit of dopamine that reassures me, "There's someone who cares about you."

It's very strange to be so attached to a person, like you have no idea what to do when they're suddenly ripped from you. I'm depending on them to make me feel worthy of everything that I have ever done or have ever thought of doing. And now that security is gone, and now I have to be brave enough to confide in someone else, learning along the way that I cannot depend on a single outside piece of reassurance constantly.

Somehow, with a mind that has been constructed only to be able to love myself whenever outside sources tell me that I should because of the things that I can do. How talented I am, how smart I am, how wise and thoughtful I am. Somehow, that mind has to find that outside source from within and at the moment, that sounds downright near impossible.

My mind has also been made to solve problems. I'm not very book smart, but I figure myself to be emotionally intelligent enough to try to help and encourage other people, and more recently, that includes myself. I've been trying to keep up with taking care of myself physically and emotionally. But there are going to be moments where I fall and feel like in that moment, I can't get back up without help. And it's good to need people, but I need my circle to be more than just one dependent who does all the work.

Loneliness is difficult. I've faced loneliness for most of my life. People don't want to be your friend on the playground when you're odd and prefer your own company. Even in the company that I did find when I was young, they eventually went away. I've moved over nine times in the span of 18 years and it's not a fun experience having to uproot the life you made every couple of years to leave and start a new one. That means leaving people behind.

But recently with the power of technology, I had been able to keep up with my partner. I was fourteen when I got my first legitimate smart phone, and they were the only person I would talk to on it. Putting that small timeline of four years into perspective that we got together right after I received my first hand-me-down phone and now I'm on Tumblr posting Five Nights at Freddy's fanart and buying MatPat's last merch run is absolutely bonkers to think about.

That's only a small percentage of my life and I'm sitting here in agony and emotional belief this is the end of the world. Absolutely it isn't, but it's still pain that's here in the present and I have to acknowledge the present day and my emotions or else it means so much disrespect to my future and past. I didn't come this far into my life to essentially burn down all that progress, and I don't think my future is going to be so happy if I give up on it.

I have to remember, and I'll deliberately have it here to reread if I ever need it, that I'm capable. I'm capable of making change, of changing, of striving to be the best version of myself that I can comfortably be, of doing things on my own, and I'm capable of asking for help whenever I feel I need it. I need to listen to my body, my mind, and my soul so much more intently than I have before so that I don't end up in a pit of despair and disappointment. It's not good for me and it doesn't make me a pleasant person to be around.

I need to trust that the people that I love, love me. I need to remember that there are connections waiting to be explored, discovered, and cherished just as much as I cherished this person. I still do cherish and love them very deeply, I never won't. I believe people are capable of changing if they're willing to put in the work and effort, and they are a very hardworking person. But so am I.

I'm not afraid of the hurt or the aching. It's evidence of love with nowhere to go and I will cherish those feelings and I will be saving them, experiencing them. I'm more afraid of what I am going to do now. I guess the next step will be continuing to work on and toward what I'm passionate about.

I am not angry, I am not spiteful or vengeful. I simply will be forever grateful for the times and moments we shared, and the new moments we will have. Even if it is for short specks of time.

This has been a moment of peering into Poindexter's mind.

(pic of my cat for good vibes)

#poindexterchatter #text post #rambling #teeny tiny vent #thinking with poindexter #i have a slow processing speed #so it really helps to talk it all out #addiction mention #happy ending #apologies for the outloud thinking #i'm aware this isn't what I usually do #but i'm just living life rn

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