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thefact0rygirl · 11 months

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my dear vee

i’m sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. i’m sending lots of love to you. plus healing and recovery and peaceful vibes.

to contrast the peaceful vibes, if it helps, i just wanted to answer your request for thots with the thing i think about maybe at least twice a day. which is.,,,,, and i always get bashful typing this shit out,,,,

joel miller taking u against a wall. bending u over a counter. he’s fully clothed ur fully undressed type vibe. a lil rough but like just stupidly loving. inundated with praise while being railed within an inch of ur life. you know.

id like some sort of cowboy to just help me empty my brain. just something to think about.

love u and if there’s anything i can do, i’m here!!! love deedee

DEEDEE MY SPARKLING CHAMPAGNE DIAMOND ✨ i don't know what tumblr did with your ask because i'm just now seeing it but i aM FROTHING

joel miller x afab!reader (nsfw 18+, 580 words, rough sex, p in v, desperate "i can't lose you" vibes)

"The fuck is wrong with you?" There is a weight to his words, a mix of crushing frustration and terror after your recent smuggling run. Calling it a disaster would be an understatement; it was an absolute shit show.

You and Joel are lucky to still be alive, but the bitterness of adrenaline still lingers even hours later. You're still seething, Joel more so than you. It simmers on the surface, hanging around Joel's apartment like a thick cloud of smoke. The right thing to do would be to sit down and talk things through. Like well, adjusted adults. And maybe if you weren't living in a post-cordyceps world you'd do just that.

But there is a lot of other shit you would do if the outbreak never happened. So instead, you and Joel let it fester, only allowing it to surface with obvious eye rolls from him and aggressive quips from you. It's the reason you're in your current position — naked and wet from your shower with a pissed off and clothed Joel bending you over the bathroom sink.

You grip the sides of the sink, holding yourself steady as Joel pushes you until your forehead is pressing against the dirty mirror in front of you. With your breath fogging up your reflection, you grit out, "I saved your life."

He replies with a sarcastic snort, notching his cock at your wet entrance. "You were reckless. You could've died."

"But I didn't — fuck!"

Your reply is cut off when he pushes inside of you. He doesn't stop until he's bottomed out, the feeling of fullness making you gasp as he sets a steady and harsh rhythm.

It's good this way.

Really fucking good. You don't need sweet and gentle, you need this gloom gone. You need to be twisted and squeezed, wrung out like a wet rag. You both do. Every hard thrust of his cock seems to reverberate through your body, shaking off the frustration.

Despite what Joel believes, the risk you took was deliberate and calculated. You weren't a reckless idiot, you just understood the situation. With Joel cornered by a group of infected, you had to draw their attention. And you did. Sure, it was stupid, but it worked, no matter how much Joel wishes it didn't.

Whining your name, he pulls you back until your back is pressed against his chest. Locking an arm around your chest, he keeps you in place. You're pressed against him, joined to him, close to him.

Safe with him.

"I could've lost you," He's babbling behind you, breathless and panting, but forcing the words out between hard thrusts. "You'd be gone right now. That what you want? Huh? Wanna end up mindless and infected?"

You shake your head as he buries his nose in your hair, his lips moving against your ear as he slips his other hand down to play with your clit. It's then that your legs start to shake, your climax drawing closer by the moment.

"I can't lose you. I fucking can't. Alright? You understand? Tell me you understand." He presses his fingers harder against your clit, demanding your answer as the fierce ache of your approaching orgasm shakes you down.

"I do. J—Joel, fuck, I’m—”

You’re trying to warn him, the ecstasy in relief looming over you as you try to keep the crest of ecstasy from crashing.

"Then prove it. Come for me. C'mon, show me you're still here. I wanna feel you."

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x afab!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #deedee my beloved #🥂 anon #vee answers #joel miller #tlou #the last of us fanfiction

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enluto · 7 months

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"society coddles teenage girls" and "society listens and cares about teenage girls' feelings and mental health" should be laughably wrong assertions to anyone with even a cursory knowledge about internet gore/shock and true crime history.

cw: please exercise extreme caution if u decide to google any of these cases. i have included links/articles i have vetted as being safe for further research, but it is very easy to stumble upon graphic crime scene photos.

rina palenkova (x): famously known as a casuality of the 'blue whale' or suicide game, which saw a brief stint of popularity among troubled teens in the 2010s. her crime scene photos (suicide via decapitation by train) were widely circulated on gore sites, and her memory was mocked and ridiculed by the unsympathetic masses. people would leave demeaning and insulting comments on posts with her photos. no regard at all for her mental health or what could have driven her to such extremes like taking her own life. she is sickeningly known as an internet darling in the more unsavory parts of the internet due to the sheer virality of her photos.

amanda todd (x): she was a victim of extortion by an online predator, who leveraged a compromising screenshot of her for further csa material. when she refused to comply with his demands, he destroyed her life by sharing her topless photo on facebook. as a result, she became a social pariah and turned to abusing substances to cope. she ultimately took her own life at age 17, leaving behind a video (x) she had made months prior sharing her story of extortion and bullying. now she is remembered as a victim of blackmail and online predation, but at the time she was largely ridiculed and blamed for the entire ordeal; more emphasis was placed on why she flashed her webcam as a tween than on why an adult man would solicit sexual content from a young girl. it is believed a prior unsuccessful suicide attempt of hers helped popularized the term "go drink bleach."

bianca devins (x): she was brutally murdered by an incel she was friends with after they attended a nicole dollanganger concert together and she kissed another boy. due to jealousy, he cut her throat and then took photos of her body and posted them to various social media platforms, including his instagram and the discord group they were both members of. these photos were saved and posted to other social media platforms like 4chan and went viral. incels took control of the narrative, and smeared bianca as an "e-thot" and "slut" who deserved to be murdered for "leading on" her killer. bianca had struggled her for most of her life with depression and anxiety, and had turned to discord for friendship. her mother, stepfather and sister have been harassed with the photo. the circulation of the photo was so widespread that nicole dollanganger herself asked her fans and social media users alike to stop spreading the image. bianca's mother advocated for a new law to be passed to avoid the circulation of such images.

nicole "nikki" catsouras (x): she was a california teen who died in a violent car accident following an argument with her father. she suffered disfiguring injuries and died at the scene. photos of the scene, which included the shocking state of her body, were taken per police protocol. however, these pictures were leaked to the internet following crime scene technicians forwarding the photos to various parties for "personal viewing." i will let u guys speculate what these recipients were doing with her photos. nikki herself received little sympathy for her passing, as traces of cocaine were found in her system, so it was widely assumed the crash was a result of her personal negligence. her family was terrorized with her crime scene photos by online trolls; the photos have been sent to her parents' personal emails, social media, and they even pulled nikki's sister out of school due to fear she may be exposed to the photos by classmates. like palenkova, nikki is famous in the shock/gore community due to her post-mortem photos and viciously mocked to this day.

it is not lost on me that many of the most viral photos of dead bodies on the internet are those of teenage girls. the gendered state of gore virality becomes even more obvious if u include young women into the pool. elizabeth short (x) and evelyn mchale (x) are two more examples. short (also nicknamed "the black dahlia") was brutally murdered and mutilated, and mchale died by suicide. the latter had even made it known through her suicide note that she wished to not be remembered or publicized for her death, yet the photos of her body, dubbed "the most beautiful suicide" were widely published in the papers and sensationalized. these photos are of women and girls at their lowest and most vulnerable, yet society (and especially male-dominated audiences) used their likenesses as entertainment. their deceased bodies are reduced to a spectacle, and in more extreme cases, as a weapon against her surviving family.

society decidedly doesn't care about teenage girls' mental health or dignity, so i wish this lie would stop that they are somehow more cherished and protected than teenage boys.

as an aside, this is one of the reasons why i don't believe "pretty privilege" is real in any meaningful way. the perceived physical attractiveness of these deceased women and girls was absolutely a factor in the virality of their post-mortem images. people (especially men) love to see the aftermath of the destruction of a beautiful woman/girl.

#true crime #mine #pretty privilege

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venusandsaturnsrings · 2 years

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It's bee i want everyone else to hear ur thots on incel frat boy diluc bc he is on my brain rn 😩

BEE BEE BEE!! FRAT BOY DILUC HEHE!! <33 i love u so ur asks get a free fast pass to the front of my drafts mwah!! apologies to the *looks at drafts* 26 other things i need to finish. frat boy luc my second most beloved... <33 hehe some headcanons btc!!!

Diluc had never been big on a lot of things that came with being a key member of a frat house. things like binge drinking, getting as many girls as possible, or causing general issues. it wasn't really his scene.

there was one upside for him, however, with status comes power. with that he could do almost anything without consequence. not that he'd have to worry regardless with all of his money, his major being criminal law, and being a respected business owner... it was more or less an added layer of security.

he'd seen plenty of girls be wooed and then thrown out by his frat brothers and had even more girls falling at his feet for a chance but his romantic interests were elsewhere. they were with you.

Diluc was no less than absolutely enamoured by you. any word that came out of your mouth was gospel to him and when those pretty sentences were directed at him? they were to be worshipped.

you were all he wanted and he'd have you in due time. for now, he'd put forward poor attempts at wooing you the old fashion way with flowers and other gifts.

you'd find he'd always have something to give you. sometimes a small treat from the cafe and other times what looked to be a luxury accessory but regardless the source he'd never disclose the price. you needn't worry about that.

Diluc would have you come to every party his frat hosted just so he could have you strung along his arm all pretty. he liked showing you off and liked knowing you were just so trusting to get drunk in his, self-admittedly risky, presence.

he'd always warn you of when to slow down your drinking but would never really put in a major effort to stop you. you're an adult, after all. you can reap the consequences of your own actions in the form of a hangover and his rough hands along your drunk body.

he does try really hard not to touch you so harshly when you're so very inebriated but you're just too cute to resist. it's not his fault, he tells himself, you shouldn't be looking so dangerously sweet. he just had to have a taste of you; that was his way to get drunk.

regardless of what he does, Diluc will always have a nice breakfast, water, and ibuprofen ready for you in the morning. the very least he could do is relieve some of the pain in your head and pussy! <3

#cw: incel #cw: dubcon #cw: alcohol #frat boy diluc #frat au #incel au #incel diluc #diluc x reader #genshin x reader

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thydungeongal · 4 months

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hiiii what are ur thots on the megaversal system? i’m currently in the midst of hyperfixation revival for TMNT, and i found there’s a TMNT rpg from ‘85 that uses that system, as well as one called ‘after the bomb’ that i think is a more open-ended version? (like not limited to just post-nuclear NYC jsgskdh)

the lifelong, childhood fan in me is like MUST HAVE ALL TMNT CONTENT while the Grown Adult is like. homie the chances of this rpg book from the 80’s being something you’ll actually enjoy reading/making a character for are Very Low

also there is not a lot out there abt this game jsgskdh like there was a pretty popular kickstarter last year, but the funding period ended so no luck there rly, and from one of the reviews i saw, they liked the world building/story side of things, but would’ve preferred the gurps system… which i am also unfamiliar with 🫣 oh and the game is called ‘teenage mutant ninja turtles & other strangeness’ if ur interested at all jsgskdh

but yeah do u think the megaversal system is like. approachable for newcomers to rpgs in general? i’m familiar w 5e, blades in the dark, and kids on brooms, but looking at all the unfamiliar terminology for megaversal is. intimidating 🤧

(also totally feel free to ignore this if it’s like way too much info to look into jsgskdh i do not want to take up your time 🫡)

okay, so I haven't actually played any Megaversal System games, but I am familiar with their reputation. Based on what I've heard the games that utilize it (RIFTS, Palladium Fantasy, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Other Strangeness, Heroes Unlimited, and After the Bomb [which is basically the TMNT RPG but with the licensing removed once they lost the license]) are barely functional but have a strange charm to them! One of my favorite podcasts, System Mastery, are intimately familiar with the system and hearing them describe it is always a blast. If you want to learn about the games from two really funny guys for whom those games were a formative experience, I recommend checking them out!

So anyway those games are apparently pretty wild. I think they're decipherable by relative newcomers if you're willing to accept a bit of extremely eighties design. I don't know how much of that will be rectified in the upcoming rerelease. But don't take my word for it, because the internet is a beautiful place and with a little bit of digging on your local free-rpg-pdfs-legally-i-swear dot gov slash co dot uk you should be able to find PDFs of the original game

But now is when I yap about a completely different but related game, because as it happens game designer Julian Kay's first RPG as a child was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Other Strangeness, and as an adult Julian decided to make an homage to that game called Mutants in the Now. Now, unlike Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Other Strangeness I have actually read Mutants in the Now, and what I can say based on simply reading it is that it is a fantastically written RPG with a lot of love for its subject matter and the game system actually seems functional! The character creation system is wild, consisting mostly of rolling on random tables to discover who your character is, and the actual game system owes a lot to 13th Age (a modern D&D clone that Julian has written for and that is actually pretty dang good!) in addition to the Megaversal System. There's a few quirks that are mostly there out of homage to the Megaversal System to my knowledge (skills are d100 roll under, while combat pretty much works like any ol' D&D with d20 rolls to hit and various types of dice for damage) but ultimately it is a very coherent system.

Anyway the presentation in Mutants in the Now was so strong I immediately ordered it and its supplement Mutants in the Next, and I don't have a single regret about my purchase. I actually liveblogged the (admittedly intensive) character creation process. You can find them if you look under the tag #mutants in the making. Now Mutants in the Now is slightly more complex than 5e, but most of the complexity is front-loaded into character creation. The gameplay is about on par with 5e in terms of complexity.

Anyway I'm not sure how helpful that is but it at least gave me a chance to gush about one of the coolest games I've discovered during the last year. If you're interested in a game with actual TMNT branding I recommend looking into the original game if you can find it before you make any decisions or wait for word from Kickstarter backers about the revised edition whether it's good or bad. But, like, Mutants in the Now is also there if you're not too particular about the branding and just want to play cool mutant animals and enjoy random character creation where you get to really experience finding out who your character is during the process of creation.

#thydungeongal answers #long post #mutants in the now #Mutants in the making

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powm · 2 years

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Oh I have a LOT OF posts and thoughts about greywaren ,it was rushed it dragged on ,it was incoherent and made so much sense, it lacked character and was jammed packed with themes like OOF totally agree with you. Bc while you're reading it [esp coming str8 from Mr.impossible] it's so engaging and bombastic and then u get to like 2/3 ways of the book and maggie goes "okay now u finish it" like it falls apart and knowing the whole tdt was suppaoed be more of an adult book and how bc of the demanding toxic fandom she completely lost joy for the series [scrapped the spinoffs] like I get why she just wanted to end it :// but when I think of how this is the DEFINITIVE end to trc I might just kill a man

...atleast we got our maniac pixie dream girl John wick declan moment

But yeah so MANY unanswered questions and plots like and MATTHEW??! BRYDE??! GOT SO SHAFTED?? AND WHERE ARE THE BROTHERS LYNCH? AND MÓR NOW HAS THE BARNS?? I THOT THEY WERE ALEGORY FOR FALSE PARADISE AND ADAM AND RONAN NEVER GOT TALKING ABOUT HOW NO THEY LOVED EACH OTHER IT WAS RONANS CHRONIC ILLNESS THAT WAS THE ISSUE, AND I GUESS ADAM DID GRADUATE HARVARD IS NOW AN FBI AGENT?? AND GANSEY MY BOY LIKE..I digress.

Anways love my boy noah and hennessy was great 💓

Anyways greywaren did not serve cunt and if Maggie was not a COWARD instead of the cop out ending she'd burn the barns bryde would kill ronana declan would kill mór bla bal shit would go wild

I did like the pynch proposal though gansey tho :)

ALL SO TRUE like yeah you can tell maggie has lost all the passion for the series she previously possessed its sooo sad. you're right so many unanswered questions the book was so ughhhh she literally made bs up to move the plot i was like what the fuck do you mean ronan can inhabit sweetmetals ??? also suddenly enthroning nathan like that. i am actually also so sad because ronan was so absent this entire book this is literally not the ending we deserved. AND YOU'RE INSANE FOR WANTING RONAN KILLED

#pynch proposal was actually the sweetest part :(

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ungirthed · 1 month

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want to make a place for my thots of anything with no viewers if i remember to come on here. i cant believe i keep having to make these since i end up getting followers and interacting. but i'm an adult with shit to do irl and things to fight and this fandom is almost 20y old so idt i will do that. lol. just finished atla like 20y too late cos my parents hated me and my bro watching tv growing up. journaling/blogging thots!!! ugh. i wish i didnt hve adhd and dyspraxia lmao gonna split them up so i dont get overwhelmed reading my bullshit. if u stumble upon this it doesnt make sense sry

politically a lot of critique that i have to think about. character and plot wise it was pretty good and tight esp for a kids show. amazing female characters. can't wait for the bi agenda from LoK but i may take a while for that. p much i have to say these are great characters and i could talk a lot about them but i'm shocked at what i took away with regards to the romantic rships from the show and the characterization via it.

re love lines:

i wish kataang was written better in the show (MY opinion if any1 stumbles upon this). i don't ~ship~ zutara bc i am an adult and even back then no cos who cares lol but i see the appeal and am attracted to that. i do think we have to retire the trope of the "both sides but falling in love" not because it isn't possible but because post 10/7 (free palestine) i don't think it's worth it to look at it this way anymore. until someone proves themselves not worthy of death because of the resistance fighting back then they NEED TO PROVE THEMSELVES IMMEDIATELY. no more of this i'm in a concentration camp but he's a nazi bullshit. no more i'm a slave but he's the slave master's son (i mean in this case u could have been related but no1 listens to me!) it's repetitive, reductive, and untrue.

that being said: i just never care about the typical bildungsroman love story. you see the One Person bc i guess the kids tasked with saving the world have to be monk-adjacent (in aang's case quite literally) bc understandably theyre so fucked up lol. but it's always sooooo boring to me esp if it's f/m.

katara is such a complex character and mae whitman brings a wisdom to her voice that can be frustrating to connect with for me but her character arc, her strength, her MIND, her heart, and her fists. i think ppl probs like zutara the most when shes' going batshit and no one can understand aang's perspective. but aang is one of a kind and the cutest smartest sweetest loser ever. not my fav char but i love him. he's like if i had a younger brother and not an older one lmao.

of course they're (kataang) together. they were meant to be from the moment they saw e/o and that stupid cave kiss...this is why you don't wait until 32 to watch this lol.

but nothing surprised me and it was meant to be the way it was written. that's also why i find it understandable but shocking people in the universe and apparently outside of it were surprised at aang's turmoil over ozai. like are you joking? he's a 12 year old vegetarian monk. which: i loved his vegetarianism and obviously he was going to be but very casually they put in a line that hints as to why he would be and why many of us are...so i am dedicated to it again.

so wrt that and zutara...the episode where he's with her with the dude that killed her moms and his support of her i can see why people like them. the cave ep obviously but this show is veryyyyy free with affection i noticed and there's some jealousy but they all get over that pretty quickly. i read some of the comics and i could see different rships happening and i definitely think this world lends to queerness (me personally i love monogamy but a certain type lol so not rly interested in much poly but i do like a throuple) but i could see most being bi+ or having identified as that in the past, or labeling themselves but nto limiting. that's just an aside for meee...

so like katara was being katara. i could see suki and zuko being romantic but also a deep friendship that could be deeply affectionate either affect or physically or both bc that's who these ppl are. katara is a very intense person and that's part of why she can be annoying. that's part of why they ALL can be overwhelming. theyre intense, traumatized, repressed kids and teens with mostly good hearts (or just a person so disconnected from herself but also a fascist so u know. her going nuts lol)

hmm what else oh yea. so i came away with maiko......gjpasig the show was paced and plotted well. i am a libertarian communist (anarcho-commie) so MANNNNN i wish they did better on that front but again i must remember i am 32, ancom, and the world is diff. but anyway lmao so team avatar is who i would want to spend time with but i got so interested in mai and ty lee (mailee...). that beach ep conversation was so good, that whole ep, their argument. it was extremely teenage and showed how fucked up they all are. how confused and fucking lost and pathetic. how small their lives are. how boring....so mai...

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rawrmeansilyindinosawr · 9 months

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MARGaRITAVIlLLE TRI3D 2 SCam MEH ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

HelllOOooooo yall it has been A mf minute since i hav posted bloggie cuz i hass been mf IN A Depressiee episode n traveling but also hustling hard afffff n also manically bleaching my hair n then toning it 2 silver then dying it back 2 brown which is now fading in 2 a blondeish reddish copper patchy thInggy.. ;p

whuts been new since i last bloggyedd on like 4th of july or some10... n hung out w ravers on a bender from electrickk forest cafe i meEAN forest rave. speekiingg of dat cafe i hav never been to rainforest cafe ;p lulzz. i updated moi tinder bio to 'NEWLY SINGLE SO KAN ONLY DO CASUAL BUT IF UR ON THE MARGARITAVILLE CRIUSE SHIP.....HMU 0.0 ' ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! n tha Cruiseshipp in west palm bITCH floridA def tried 2 charge me for fuel immisions n 'OPENING A WATER BOTTLE IN THE HOTEL ROOM' WHICH I DID NOT................the only CHAOzszz that i ENSUED THERE WUZ breaking the bathroom door [[[in my defense it was already hanging off the hinges]]] n needing 2 call tha maintence pplzz to cum fixx it while crying under my sheetzz,. tha cruise wuz whatev but shoutout to all the mILFS in the hot tub who were telling me to LOVE WHO I LOVE [[gay advocates]]. ;]] bc 'JESUS LUVS ME.' also Y were there no hawt pplzz in florida except the increasingly short ppl [ex wuz 4'11 n the only hawt person was a 4'9 shawty] .....

WHyyYyyyYYyy IS IT SO HARD 2 ACCEPT THAT THE MF BEAUTY STANDARD FOR CHRISTIANZZ WAS FUKIN LARRY THE CUCUMBER WITH NO HAIR BUT HAD A WHOLE ODE/SONG TO HIM BEING SOOOOOOoooo SAD HE LOST HIS HAIRBRUSHHHHHHHH n YYYYYY am i still replaying in my headdd when tht Gurl fell downwards from trying to jump a cargo train in front of mehh N YYYYY am i still craving ass eating on train trak n makin11-11 wishes on passin train cartz.

yES i hexed my ex and tha nxt day someone got shot outside his house n NO I DONT FEEL BAD AB IT BITCH CUZZ even tho i did get triggered WAKING UP 4 dayzz ago n SEEING HIM PRETENDING 2 B A FUCKING DOG oNLINE ......... i kan sleep in peace knowing i do not pretend 2 b DOGGO n AT THE END OF THE DAY IT IS ALL LUV BITCHhhhhhhh. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !whew. =]

dEFINING KETAMINE CHIC . [NOT CHICK.] having undiagnosed adhd until UR an 'ADULT...''' having 'acute pain of riGHT SHOULDER' as 1 of ur medical diagnoses......ASking FLOWErz if ur crush likes u Back cuz flowerzz nevr LIE,...spending at LEAST 4 hours a day wondering why charlixcx has soOooooo many songs ab carszz.......falling on sidewalk outside of moodring cuz everything lookin like lEGO BLOCKZ N GLITTERRRRRR ... being DEPRESSED cuz the age filter on tiktok makes u look like ur DAD n u kant make urself feel better by downloadng reiMI AI ART 2 C UR FUTURE BBBBBYYY. WLALLOWW. loving EVERYONEEEE but bein reecluse n keeping ur thots to urself meow mEOW NOWWW. always havin ur phone at lik less than 10 percent...,,.holding bloodstones 2 ur hart n googling ab shamanism at 4am cuz ur lik wondering why that Tboy that came over for hot disrespectful sexx ended up saging ur pussy n telling u ab how he got initiated into being a shaman by fighting for 11 eggs....,,.,.....havin tummy problems, nose drip N using toilet paper instead of ACtual tissue paper,..,..flashbacks of being told NO when u asked 2 lick the outside of someoness coffe pot.......DICKTIONARY 2 B CONTINUED

sooOOO many short poems compiled in my notes app tht idk where else 2 share sooo here it is

'it was 2am when we talked in ur kitchen, shoes off n ur face looked different'

'built me up 2 tear me down. sugary sweet cocoa puff u Were a radioactive bomb. whispers in my head u told me 2 never trust my friends,..'

'my sex is my poetry, yet my broad shoulders n straight posture an embodied personality,...i feel like a copy of what i thought i should be, by simply observing those around me'

'u apologized 4 walking in 2 my soul, said u treat ur friendz like tht...but bc of ur brain u kant remember much n i wanted 2 ask u how does it feel to experience everything lik it was the first time, but all the time'

YEepPpppp i defz still am sneaking in2 nowiezz by going thruu tha side door into tha yard/outdoor area N yaaaaa i am still somehow ordering uberzz back to bushwIG from paulsbabygrandd with only 1 percent then moii phone dying rite after ordering itt but then somehow finding the car a block down N tha driver miracuouslyy still waiting 4 uss lik 10 min later....N yaaa i am still almost getting kicked out of the MOxy cuz im being loud wiff moi fWEndzz in tha vintage photo booth........n YA still crushing on moi friendzzz new roomie wiFF terrible social anxiety n i DEF offeredd 2 walk they doggo 4 free cuz ima SIMPPP 4 SIMP. n def am tryna buy dem a plant cuz thts whut gay ppls do when they ask u if u wanna fugg/peace offering. n YASS i am still binge watching trash tv N surrounding moiself w ppl tht wanna 'AIR OUT ' in my room by stripping completly nekkid then takin a shower in moi shower n defz yam still SCREAMING at tha top of moi lungs cuz im ANGRY... n YAAA still sad there is no unique lesbian experience cuzz pplzz still wanna giv u they ex's anime/manga bookz . Vegas bound nxtt week n reddy 2 b outta town yet again n b wiff my best friend. ;] C U NXT WEKKKKKKK

LUV U ALLL xoxoxoxo renny69247 [my old tiktok username i am 1000000 percent still spiteful my old boss asked me to change for tiktok creds for styling jewlery on some bella hadid campaign. WHATEVZZZ.]

#blog

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yokoyas · 3 years

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also one more aoc post before i collapse. i fucking love mipha so much!! excellent character. definitely my main. friendship ended with revali now mipha is my favorite champion.

#personal ramblings #beth plays zelda #i have a lot to say in the tags so like. u were warned #i have Thots about the plot but i’ll keep them to myself bc. i wanna see how things play out #also love seeing places that were destroyed in botw #like goponga village?? was a zora settlement possibly? bc there’s a zora shopkeeper there #and same w tabantha village and the rito??#head FULL i’m loving this #also this game continues to drive home that revali’s an absolute dick #but he’s fun and he cares about his people a lot so there’s that #he’s so hard to get a reading on like?? is he a leader in their community?? how fucking old is this guy #bc it’s kind of implied in botw that he was like. a teen/young adult #i digress. i fucking love mipha #she’s like ruto in the og hyrule warriors but a million times cooler #and i love ruto and am in love with ruto so. that’s saying something.#i don’t talk abt daruk or urbosa as much bc they’re just not my faves but goddddd i love them #oh and impa!! love her!!#playin as her is so fun #also doin side quests i loveeeee #it’s the worldbuilding lmao #i had my own ideas abt pre calamity hyrule but like. canon info is kinda lit #i have more to say but imma go before i crash

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ricketybonez · 4 years

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SO excited to mayb finally have my own car but also hate the prospect of having 2 pay for insurance + gas + mechanical issues on my own <3

#.txt #i hate being an adult can i go back to being 16.#16/17 was when things were best for me. cant i just live there forever. fucked up that i have to like progress or whatever #i want drivers license but i hate responsibility. hate having 2 commit to a job.#will things get better as i age. perhaps. but things suck actually currently #@16-17 yr old me why did u not appreciate what u had at the time. ie mental stability and some amt of freedom.#god at least im not 14 tho. found some diaries from that time and hoo boy. thot it was bad now.

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okitnoburemaking · 4 years

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Anon from last time. I'm eighteen but i keep seeing you promo someone who didn't want to interact with adults so i was a bit concerned about that

I See!! well still! I'd love to know who u are :) we can always talk ahgdjaj ♡

#ask #anon #ooohh ur 18 i thot u were like 20 heehee anyways #my point still stands! u can always interact with me i kicked down my no adults thing bc now i dont care LOL

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mosaic-lights · 2 years

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Marrying or dating someone u met in highschool is actually the worst tbh. Cause instead of having some fun or like interesting story on how you met or got together ur stuck with some shit like ‘i was 14 and a nerd and u wore a nerd shirt and I was trying to make friends like a regular person and used ur shirt as a conversation starter because i was 4d chessing friendship as a child’

#nothin romantic Bout that!#also instead of meeting as adult u meet as kids #so when my husbands like no i always thot u were handsome im like mmmmmmm no #no u didnt #u saw me as a gross 14 yr old #because thats what i was

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unsoundedcomic · 2 years

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By all means skip over this question if it strikes a nerve, but would you mind explaining your asexuality to someone who's admittedly very out of touch with this sort of thing? You've mentioned, and I quote "I like to destroy my body with energy drinks, pie, and Bad Dragon toys" so I assume you enjoy sex to some extent but can't really "click" with someone else the way most people can? Does porn work for you or is it just very crass and bland from your perspective? When did u know u were ace?

I'm not married to the asexuality label, but years ago someone on tumblr said it sure sounded like I fit it, so now I use it as a convenient shorthand.

I can only speak for me, but I don't like the idea of being touched by someone else. I have never once in my life craved romantic or sexual physical contact with another person. In fact the idea makes me gag. The idea of a kiss has consistently grossed me out in the same visceral manner since I was old enough to understand what kissing is. That's never gone away like I assume it does for most adults. I've always been repulsed by it. You know that repulsion you feel when thinking about kissing a sex you're not attracted to? Or if you're bi, the repulsion you feel when thinking about kissing, I don't know, a chimpanzee? That's the repulsion I got for a human putting its mouth on me. Begone thot.

I think it's fun to *imagine* in the same way we all imagine things that sound fun in a fantasy but would never want to experience in real life. When the fantasy gets too real, I'm turned off. So no liveaction porn for me, but I love written erotica, drawn porn, animated porn. It's the same way for you and violence, I bet. You are fine if it's very obviously unreal in a movie or cartoon but I'm sure you're repulsed by snuff films or dead bodies on the evening news.

And that's about all there is to it. Love to masturbate and my bits work just fine, but no interest in relationships or touching another person. Of course I tried it in college and my twenties because I was expected to. Had a few boyfriends. They were okay guys, sex was had, it was noxious, I broke up with all of them leaving them, I think, kinda mystified. They hadn't really done anything wrong. I was just miserable having to be with another person - to hold hands, to have them in my space, to have them want to spend time with me, to have to interact with them. Doesn’t that sound awful! But it’s how I am! Get away!

I've often wondered why I'm like this and I really don't know. I don't think it's been studied in the same way homosexuality has. Shrug.

Anyway, I'm very happy with this part of myself and I don't feel deprived nor ashamed nor embarrassed. Other than finances - it's hard to live as a single person - I kinda feel privileged. No loneliness, no pining for a partner, no sexual frustration, no settling for bad people just so I can get off, or have someone next to me at night, or to make a baby with.

But I do recognise it's not normal and if the whole human race was like this we'd definitely have some issues! I think this has driven me to really study sexual people so I understand them - both for personal satisfaction and as a writer interested in how y'all tick. Because believe me, sometimes you guys sound as weird to me as I'm sure I sound to you :)

#asexuality

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officerjennie · 2 years

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better than a hot bottle of water

CW: trans!Jaskier, period sex, vaginal sex, confessions, masturbation (interrupted), blood. Jaskier uses the term 'cock' and 'hole' for his bits. Descriptions of typical period pain.

Summary: Jaskier is interrupted while attempting to take the edge off of his cramping, and really isn't sure why he's surprised when Geralt knew exactly what he was doing.

Taglist: at the bottom - let me know if you want on/off it

Part one of me drinking and writing, and part of @thewitcherbog's DDmas - though I really wouldn't qualify this as DD myself. Special shoutout to the bog's encouragement while I thotted this out sipping my blackberry wine.

Jaskier tried not to curse as he jerked his hand out of his pants, tucking it up near his neck and turning onto his side as Geralt reentered their camp. Just as he'd started to relax, just as the cramping had started to lessen in the face of pleasure. The bastard couldn't have just taken his sweet time gathering up some wood for the fire, no, he had to be efficient like always.

Fucking bastard.

As Geralt carefully placed his findings in the fire, Jaskier sat up with a huff, running his clean hand through his hair and letting it plop down into his lap with the other. Though after a single glance down he quickly hid the one that had been down his pants, pink splashing across his cheeks, this time unable to stop the curse that slipped quietly from his lips.

Blood under his nails. Brilliant. Just what he needed.

"What, no dinner? I guess we won't freeze but I'd rather not starve either." Jaskier wasn't even hungry. He'd had no appetite when Geralt had pulled out some of his seemingly endless supply of bread and cheese earlier, and he definitely didn't have one now. But he was horny and cramping so maybe his tongue was sharper than it needed to be.

Geralt had crouched on the other side of the fire, a large poking stick in his hand as he moved the ashes around in a way that just seemed like the adult, pyromaniac version of drawing in sand to Jaskier. Pointless, just playing and pretending like it was important. But he did look up from his fire, a single eyebrow quirked while the rest of his expression stayed cool, as he simply and bluntly said, "You were touching yourself."

Because of course he knew.

"You know," Jaskier did not squeak, because he never squeaked. "Sometimes I really, really hate your freaky witcher senses."

Geralt didn't even respond to that, just kept poking his fire, until he pulled his stick back and broke it in half to toss it in as well.

"Didn't know anyone liked being touched while bleeding."

"I hate your- your stupid nose." Jaskier snapped his mouth shut and made a miffed noise, his own nose scrunching up. It was unfair. Stupid witchers and their stupid ways and their stupid pretty faces.

Geralt just tilted his head in that infuriating way that made Jaskier want to kiss his stupid pretty face. Or throw something at it, he'd take either at this point, or at least ten to twenty minutes to solve the ache in his cock - he deserved to get to take his time, and it had been ages since he'd had a chance to touch himself anyway. Was it really so much to ask?

"I could fuck you."

"Really?" Jaskier asked incredulously, shaking his head as his eyes blown wide. "No, no, really, Geralt. Now- now is when you finally decide to proposition your best friend?" Geralt just shrugged, and Jaskier laughed, because what else was he supposed to do. "You do know I've been pining after your stupid ass for years, right?"

"No, I didn't."

Jaskier made a small noise, squinting at Geralt from over the fire. "I really can't tell if you're joking."

Deftly dodging the questions like always, Geralt just said, "Do you want me to or not?" And of course Jaskier did, and he said as much, telling Geralt he'd better get his ass over to him lest he change his mind.

"Would you?" Geralt asked as he stood up, slipping his shirt up over his shoulders to toss towards their packs. And for completely unrelated reasons, Jaskier found it suddenly very hard to think, giving out a small hum as Geralt approached him.

Jaskier practically pulled Geralt down on top of him, desperate to kiss him and touch him and all the things he'd already done in his dreams. But this was better than any fantasy he'd fucked himself to. Geralt was hot beneath his fingers, heavy on top of him, and his lips seared a path from his lips all the way to his stomach.

"Not if you want to kiss me after," Jaskier gasped out, tugging on Geralt's hair despite how desperately he actually didn't want to stop him. His witcher looked far too good between his legs, their clothes already ripped off and tossed about the campsite, Geralt's breath tickling his stomach as he gave out a soft hum of thought. He was considering it, and Jaskier didn't know whether to get miffed that kissing him wasn't enticing enough or to shove his head down further.

With a whine, Jaskier tugged Geralt up anyway, filing those thoughts away for later - and fuck, later. Later. A giddy rush ran through him as his blood continued to run hotter, his leg hitching up over Geralt to pull him down and press their cocks together so they could rut together.

They could do this again. They would if Jaskier had anything to say about it, because he already knew he couldn't ever get enough of this. Feeling Geralt's body move against his own, Geralt's fingers slipping down between them to press against Jaskier's tiny cock, easily gliding against him and making Jaskier whine into his mouth.

Geralt's fingers slid further down, pressing into him, and Jaskier spread his thighs wider. It was a pleasant burn, so much better than the pressure and cramps his mind had been focusing on all day. He slipped a hand between them as well, wrapping it around Geralt's cock just to hear him growl, slipping a tongue into his mouth to taste every sound he made.

It didn't take long for both of them to lose their patience for foreplay. Jaskier had been hot and horny ever since he'd woken up that morning to the oh so pleasant surprise nature had left him over the night, and he'd been wanting Geralt's cock in him for damn near two decades. And Geralt was finally doing just that, rubbing the tip of his cock over Jaskier's tiny cock and hole.

There was red on it. Red on Geralt's fingers, and their fingernails likely matched now. Jaskier sucked in a sharp breath and decided to wonder the 'whys' of the sudden boiling arousal that all shot through him later. He reached out for Geralt instead, pulling him into a searing kiss as Geralt finally pressed into him.

It was hot. It was messy. It was nothing like the softer, touching fantasies he'd played out in his head over their possible first times before. But Jaskier had always loved a bit of roughness in his life, and this was more than he could have ever hoped for. Geralt eventually flipped him on his stomach, holding him down by his shoulder as he fucked him into the bedroll, Jaskier babbling while Geralt took him apart with harsh thrusts and the occasional far, far too soft words for Jaskier's sanity.

Jaskier's orgasm ripped through him, sudden and intense. He whined through it, shaking apart as Geralt continued to thrust into him, growling in his ear, "that's it, come for me." And Geralt didn't last much longer, his thrusts stuttering as he came, spilling into Jaskier and rutting his cum as deep into him as he could.

They were a mess. Jaskier was vaguely aware of that as Geralt collapsed to his side, vaguely aware that they were both now covered in sweat, at least partially covered in blood, and now cum was most certainly leaking out onto his thighs. But as finicky as he usually was about such things, Jaskier just...didn't care. He was boneless, fucked senseless, a pleasant buzz of pleasure through his body that had, at least for now, replaced the aches and cramping that had been haunting his every breath all day.

For now, he let himself be tucked into Geralt's chest, and let them be gross and sticky. He'd gripe and bitch about it when he'd inevitably waddled to the nearest river to scrub down but that was later Jaskier's problem, because right at that moment he had a sexy, warm, and incredibly comfortable witcher to turn and snuggle into.

And honestly, who needed warm bottles of water when they had a witcher to fuck the cramps away?

@fontegagrilledcheese @damnbert @mothmanismyuncle @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde @jaskierswolf @sulkyshengshou @trickstermoose67 @oldandkinky @blooodymoon @kan0chan @silvermintnightprincess @flowercrown-bard @sharinalein @concussed-dragon @hayleynzlive @feral-jaskier

#geraskier #geralt/jaskier #jaskier/geralt #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt #jaskier #geralt #the witcher #witcher #the witcher fic #witcher fic #the witcher fanfic #witcher fanfic #lemony #fanfiction #mywriting

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fandomfluffandfuck · 3 years

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you don't have to treat this like a request, i know you're busy !! i just need to put my thoughts somewhere and, as usual, you're my go-to Thot Deposit ™

i was sitting here thinking about forties stucky, and how bucky didn't really physically change after he was hit with the serum like steve did. he didn't have this massive muscle or bone growth, he didn't suddenly have massive tits [affectionate] or muscles like out of a bodybuilder's wet dream. nah, he just... looked like bucky still, but Better™

but we know the serum fucks with your metabolism. we know that caloric intake has to at LEAST triple to sustain super soldiers' body mass.

i like to think that bucky like, , didn't know what was wrong with him? that he didn't KNOW what was wrong with his body.

everyone knew that steve could devour a whole fucking warehouse full of food without batting an eye so they had extra rations for him. i like to think that he shared with bucky, bc he could tell that the kid was starving and that something was just a bit off.

every time they went out with the howlies, he'd eat way more than when they were kids. when they were full grown adults even

stucky sharing food in the trenches, in the forest and trees when on stealthier missions. steve splitting all of his food in half and sharing with bucky.

maybe there was a bit of hand feeding involved too, if stucky were already established.

idk i just love the idea of steve and bucky sharing food. communion became one of my favorite tropes after i read a book abt literary analysis and what sharing food means metaphorically. i thought u might agree !

hope you're doin well and that the smoke isn't too bad where you're at!!

-🎁

I am very happy to be a Thot Deposit sight lol and yeah, I'm gonna close my requests soon but not officially closed! I'll put up a post then. I'm thinking roughly early September, y’know?

Okay yes yes I am here for forties stucky So Hard but the sentence "he didn't have this massive muscle or bone growth, he didn't suddenly have massive tits [affectionate]" is the funniest shit I've read all day without further context lmao

But, context, yes. Let's think on that.

*Warning below for abuse from HYDRA*

Okay so as much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE hand feeding for Bucky I always, personally, headcanon that HYDRA designed their serum to do the opposite of a lot of the "downsides" that Steve's serum had. To make the winter soldier the ghost story, unstoppable machine that it was.

I always thought about the classic serum things that Steve got and I think of the bastardization of them. For example: Steve burns through food like fucking Crazy but Bucky doesn't. He can sustain himself on little, hardly anything at all, because his body becomes able to absorb every little bit of nutrients from what he does eat as well as slowing his metabolism. An added benefit is that it is very hard for the asset to become hungry, helpful because only humans can be hungry, machines not so much. Steve burns like a furnace; Bucky runs cold, metal and flesh. Steve's heart rate is that of a hummingbird but Bucky's is slow enough to be difficult to detect. His low body temperature has that effect too. It makes TWS extremely hard to detect with heat sensing techniques, with heart rate monitors... no one will see the soldier coming. A ghost.. It makes the asset easy to send away on missions and all but forget about it. It won't starve and if it will... well, it'll take it a long time to get there and a shorter time to return. The asset is not stupid, it knows where it's food comes from and it knows that it cannot escape punishment in death.

HYDRA's serum did not aim to make a spectacle. They did not want a propaganda pawn, they wanted a defense. A weapon not made of brawny, brute strength meant to smash and run through things but a weapon meant to slip through fog, meant to slide through ribs to reach the heart, a specialized tool, silent and yet fearsome.

But, who knows, perhaps Bucky's serum was not as refined right off the bat y’know? Maybe it was closer to Steve's when he first got it but it had a much lower effect, so much so that, yeah, Bucky didn't change all that much. And then, later, they gave Bucky "booster shots". Things that burned in his IV and through his body as they slowly spread. Taking his body heat and his hunger and what he had left that was like Steve.

And if that was the case, later experimentation changing Bucky's serum and super abilities to be "better" then YUP I have no doubt that what you said above, 🎁 anon, would be the case. For sure. Steve sharing and pushing bits (at first) to direct halves (later) of his rations until it all but escalated into Steve squirrling away rations to hand feed Bucky in their private tent after a long, long day of hearing his best guys stomach growling. Feeling a pang through his heart each and every time but (guiltily) loving that they get to share this anyway.

I don't know how you pulled all that angst out of me lol, but I appreciate your thoughts!!

#asks #🎁 anon #my writing #also #anon writing #lol #we have two separate sides of fhe same coin #bucky barnes #steve rogers #stucky #wwii stucky #fluff #angst #anon provided writing

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angelicmichael · 3 years

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What if Xavier had a kid he didn't know about and he meets them for the first time after he's already a ghost? Maybe there's a kindergarten group that takes a trip to the camp, and he just has this spirit intuition as soon as he sees them and KNOWS it's his child. Do you think you could expand on this idea? I'd love to see what you come up with!

A/N: This was so fun, thank you for this idea dear anon!! I'm sorry it's late but hopefully u like it 😶. Also, I apologize this is so dark and heavy- I didnt intend for it.. it just, kinda happened lmfao. I turned this into a 'x reader' and it starts with Xaviers POV and ends with readers perspective!! First few paragraphs are pretty dark and then the rest is weird.. angst fluff LOL.Hope yall enjoy 💖💖💖

Warnings: First few paragraphs discuss Xavier's thots about dying SO, it highkey gets dark yall I'm so sorry, mentions of anger?? issues, mentions of murder, stops getting dark roughly around paragraph 6 if u wanna skip all that, MAJOR ANGST, reuniting, very brief Xantana reference 😈, mention of kids, bit of fluff.. think that's it :)

In Xaviers eyes; the worst part of being killed in a desolate camp and having to reside there for the rest of eternity; wasnt the fact that he would have to handle Richard Rameriez and tolerate his peers for eons to come. Sure, both of those things required an adjustment period but.. the realization that his life with you was abruptly cut short, was what truly broke him.

It took him being stripped from everything he once knew to truly appreciate how heavenly life once was before Camp Redwood. He had a steady job, good friends, and a relationship with a actual living, breathing person.. Not to shade Montana or anything, of course. However he had taken all of those things for fucking granted; moving to Camp Redwood definetly had made him become humble- at the very least. He was now nothing but a mere shell of the person he once was; nothing to bring him out of this absolute living nightmare he found himself in.. At first this mindset nearly consumed him, it drove him to kill multiple times.

There was no point in trying to conceal the anger he felt, no way of trying to channel it out into a more socially appropriate way and at this point.. there really was no point in trying to do so. Out here in the forest, espically after he was killed, life outside of the forest soon seemed as if it was some type of myth or fairytale- something not real or attainable. Time in the redwood forest felt different- days quickly bled and melted into weeks, and then months.. trying to guess the date was something Xavier gave up on doing after about the first week.

As much as he tried to deny it, being dead and becoming trapped here had completly made him lose his grip on reality and his previous life. Soon enough, the thought that life even fully existed outside of the camp and that there was actual fucking laws against killing (something which was now a leisurely hobby) had completly slipped his mind momentarily in the beginning as well. Out here in the forest, nothing felt real execpt for his anger that he held onto so tightly.

It was really the only thing he had left; atleast for a while.

The pain of losing his partner, (y/n), still remained but letting that grief not consume him was easily the hardest battle he had fought in his life. Xavier realized he still had his friends - and if he really was going to live for eternity, he sure wasnt going to spend it angry.

After so many years of being 'cursed' to spend forever in this forest, keeping track of the time was something Xavier rarely bothered with, but - it was obvious by the suns posistion, and even the slight mist that made the grass wet that it was just starting to cut into morning. Xavier walked through the forest alone, nowhere in particular to go or to necessarily do, only a sudden need to go and be alone. Almost a beckoning, for him to go and be somewhere else. To witness something.

His days were more often than not purely mundane; he had absolutely no excuse to not listen to this odd and sudden attraction he felt toward a very particular spot in the camp.. so, that's what brought him to where he stood now. Close to the road that brought visitors (a nice word for victims) into Camp Redwood, right next to the mess hall which was rarely used close by.

Xavier felt wildly uncomfortable standing so close to the place which previously held so much trauma - and honestly still did.. The place where Chef Bertie died. Xavier paused, about to just say 'fuck it' and just give up and go back to where his friends resided (or atleast Montana) when.. he heard it.

His sign, the thing that seemingly enticed him in the first place.

It first sounded like the old, familar sounds of tires coming across a gravel road - Xaviers mind immeadietly jumped to perhaps this could be new people.. new vistors.. new victims.

His blood ran cold when he heard something else; an eerie ringing of chains hitting against the ground. Something that was mostly a associated with buses.. and hauntingly familar. He had little to no time to think or even act on his suspicion when he noticed that a yellow school bus full, and nearly combusting with children was pulling into the camp.

Xavier wasnt exactly certain the bounds that ghosts had when it came to certain bodily functions like vomiting, but hes sure that under normal circumstances he would certainly be sick by now. Nevertheless he could feel his body tense up and the other natural symptoms associated with anxiety also kicked in. Urging him to clumsily get out of vision; he stumbled behind a few trees that poorly blocked him from sight. He continued to watch in complete and utter horror as the bus came to a stop, and it didnt take long for kids to start pouring out of the bus. Xavier felt his heart drop and his blood run cold every time a kid exited the bus and stepped on the dirt soil of Camp Redwood.

Xavier whipped his head around; scanning the surrounding area to make sure no other ghosts were here to bear witness to this.. Xavier was nearly always down to commit murder, it was really the only thing that kept him from fully going insane from pure fucking boredom but - kids? There was no fucking way he would let anyone touch them.

While he thoroughly scanned the area, he noticed a few adults leave the bus out of his periphery vision. He thought nothing of it, chaperones were to be expected on elementary field trips but.. the strange beckoning feeling he felt ealier visited him again, urging him to turn his head fully and look at one of the chaperones more closely. Instantaneously, he then automatically realized why he felt so compelled to come to this spot.. Why he was meant to be here at this exact moment.. It was you.

At first he thought he was merely hallucinating; you definetly looked significantly different from the last time he had saw you but.. he knew it was you, his partner that he had before his life completly went to shit (minus the catastrophe that occured with Blake, of course). He knew instantly, it was your eyes, your stature and just.. your overall warm and familiar aura that gave your identity away. He couldnt believe that the person he had so fucking desperately wanted to see more than anyone or anything was only a few feet away - and now, that you were finally here... All he wanted for you to do was to leave.

As soon as he saw you he felt a sudden tightness posses his chest and throat which accompanied the formation of tears burning his eyes; hastily blurring his vision. He had to physically restrain himself from sobbing outloud; trying his best to just swallow down his tears. His whole body felt as if it was on fire with anxiety, but he chose to continue to stand still behind a few dainty trees - trying to pull himself together so he could actually have the chance to think critically and choose what the ever living fuck he was going to do next.

While he waited for his blurry vision to clear, he chose to focus on the semi distant figure that he knew was you. He took in the little details; like how the sun highlighted the colors in your hair and your simple but charming outfit. It took him several moments to think of why you would even be here in the first place, with a school bus- and thats when another dreadful realization hit him.

Only parents were mainly chaperones when it came to elementary field trips.. meaning-

No other thought crossed Xaviers mind as his eyes flicked down inhumanely fast to the child where (y/n) stood next too.. and immeadietly he knew.

The features the child shared of both you and Xavier were partially a giveaway, but most importantly.. it was the feeling he had that confirmed his belief. The initial anxiety he felt of the kids arriving still remained but was significantly muted and mostly replaced with a overwhelming sense of pure love. The feeling spread to every fiber of his being, and so did a odd urge to protect this small being which he knew was his.

Not ever in his entire life had he felt this way about someone (execpt for perhaps, you). He felt himself taking a few steps forward, at first completly involuntary but he knew he had to talk to you. Just the idea of reuniting tasted so fucking good but, he knew he couldnt get too greedy if he was going to talk to you. He knew confronting you had to be solely done in order to save you and his child, he couldnt get carried away. He wouldnt.

He tried his best to appear casual as he submerged from behind the trees, his hands held behind his back - the only way he could get them to stop shaking. He tried to relax his shoulders and appear confident as he strided up to you; your back turned toward him. He continued until he was directly behind you, he wanted to tap your shoulder but - touching you seemed out of the question. That would confirm everything, it would make it seem actually real and not like this just some torturous dream.

"(Y/n)"? He spoke.

Xaviers breath hitched as he watched you whip around to face him. He studied your features as you went from looking utterly confused to surprised beyond belief.

"Xavier, what-"

"We need to talk".

Xavier quickly grabbed your hand, leading you away from herd of kids and the few sparse chaperones that were amongst them. A few of them gave you two a few odd looks but neither you or Xavier particularly cared, after all this was the first time in years you two had seen eachother. You hastily followed his lead, feeling slightly embarrassed that it was obvious how nervous and simply caught off guard you currently were. Your palms (one of which was still holding onto Xaviers hand) were starting to moisten with sweat. These feelings only amplified once Xavier turned around to face you. The intensity that was in his eyes put you on edge - never in your time of dating or knowing him did he ever look so serious with you.

"What are you doing here"? Xavier spoke, his voice was still in a higher pitch, slightly breaking.

"What"?

After years of not being able to see you, in fact; years of you not even knowing where he went - this was how he chose to greet you?? Automatically your blood ran cold with the sudden realization that something was wrong. Seriously wrong.. but the feeling didnt just apply to your ex boyfriend. It was the entire camp.

"Its not safe here, you need to take the kids and leave". Xaviers voice more visibly shook this time as he spoke; as if his words physically pained him.

Your heart skipped a beat, the sudden pain and anguish starting to fully settle in. You couldnt believe it; after years of not seeing you - this was all he had to say? Was he fucking joking?

"What? A-are you kidding? Xavier, I havent seen you in years- I didnt even know you would be here-"

"I'm sorry (y/n). I'm so sorry but you have no idea what this place is like. You just need to go, and the kids. And promise me you wont come back".

It was torturous to watch tears gather in Xaviers eyes, and watch as they streaked down his cheeks. The sadness you previously felt was now washed away with red, hot rage. The feeling spread throughout your body like a wildfire that he was seemingly rejecting you.. but you knew now this wasnt some pathetic excuse. Something was seriously wrong here; and now it was starting to become too obvious to ignore.

Xavier looked hauntingly the exact same from the last time you saw him. He forever, looked as if he was still stuck in the same moment of time - like in the summer of 1984, which was when you last saw him.

You didnt realize you were still holding onto one of his hands until you reflexively tried to move it to brush away his tears that were still staining his cheeks; but awkwardly.. you chose to do so with your other hand. Squeezing the one hand you were still holding onto a bit tighter.

He winced as you touched him, and as much you tried your damn best to hold it together - you could feel tears starting to burn your eyes as well.

"I cant promise I wont ever come back, Xavier. I need to see you again, and what about-" you said softly, about to reference the child you two shared together.

"No, you'll see me again (y/n). I promise.. okay"?

He brought your hand up to his mouth to kiss your knuckles; the tears you trying so desperately to hold in were now sliding down your cheeks. Your breathing was now horribly choppy. You were on the brink of full on sobbing but you held yourself back - it was nearly time for you to go.

The fact you would have to go back to go the others and make up some bullshit excuse to leave, put a bitter taste in your mouth.. but your sure Xavier had a valid reason for ushering you to leave. Even if he didnt want to tell you right now; you trusted him with your life.

"Okay.. Fine. I'm coming back though, and I'm sorry I couldnt find you sooner". You admitted.

You dropped his hand that you were still holding in order to wrap your arms around him. To get one final touch to remember him by. You were desperate to fully touch him and to be wrapped in his embrace, something you had desperately and madly missed. As he held you; you tried to soak in his scent, his aura.. just the fact that he was even here seriously with you, in this moment.

You previously assumed Xavier had passed away; that was easier to come to terms with rather than thinking he willingly ran away or.. that something else more sinister had happened. A part of you wanted to be frustrated that you were leaving with more questions than answers but.. you didnt care. Your heart didnt care. You were just happy you were able to see your boyfriend.. no matter the circumstance or conditions it came with. Even though you were stupidly happy, your thoughts kept annoyingly circling back to the same question - how was Xavier here with you, living.. breathing.. in the flesh. How was this possible? You were about to speak your thoughts outloud when you first felt Xavier break away from you. You didnt get as much as a second glance just when you felt something soft on your cheek. Perhaps a goodbye kiss? and then.. just like he wasnt there at all, he was gone. Almost as if he completly disintegrated into the fresh, morning sky.

You felt your entire body stiffen as you realized he was gone.. again. It was difficult to pinpoint exactly how you felt. It was a nasty mix of both grief and anger that left you completly speechless and deathly still. You took a step back to combat the feeling, and attempted to look casual (and not like the person whom you were just hugging had completly fucking vanished). Sheepishly taking a look at the group you had arrived with and making sure none of them noticed your.. odd behavior.

Sure enough, none of them did. They all stood, and continued on conversing just like they were before you had broke away from them. Smiling and laughing as if nothing was wrong; just like they didnt have a care in the world - just as if the love of their life wasnt ripped away from them for a second time.

Even though Xavier was now gone, that odd, unsettling feeling still lingered with you. Like something was terribly wrong here, in Camp Redwood. The feeling wasn't entirely bad though; sure - the overall air in this place reeked of something terrible but.. now you felt something else mixed into it. A comforting essence of safety; Xaviers presence. You knew he wasnt directly beside you anymore but he was somewhere.. lurking. Watching you, as you begrudgingly walked over to the group you came with. Making up a bullshit excuse in your head so you could escape whatever this place was pretending to be.

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#xavier x reader #xavier plympton x reader #xavier plympton fanfic #ahs fanfic #cody fern fanfic #my fic #inbox is officially empty now 💅🏻#hopefully the pov switching wasnt weird LOL #it was my first time writing like that hehe #i lowkey feel bad i made this so dark so hopefully its still enjoyable LOL #also this doesnt rlly follow canon details that well but- idc djdjd

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