#i stressed myself out with how bad the last two came out and haven’t been able to write XD
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Ur lucy fics are fucking gold
T.T tysm nonnie 😭😭
#cookie speaks#i stressed myself out with how bad the last two came out and haven’t been able to write XD#tbh#i seriously appreciate it 😭
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The Cake
MASH X READER (Taking requests 📲 pls send some!) **SMUT
“Come on, spit it (Y/N)!” Lemon groaned as she shook me. “Spit what out Lemon?” I asked, while continuing to be shaken up. “Have you and Mashle… done anything intimate yet?” She whispered the last part. “Did you forget that I’m right here?” Finn sweat dropped. “No, but I mean you’re one of the girls, Finn. Plus it’s either this conversation or the guy’s one where Lance and Dot argued over the cutest girl, and Lance’s only option is his sister,” Lemon explained. Finn and I sighed, she’s got a point. “But still Lemon… that’s a little too private to talk about…” I blushed. “So you have done it!” Lemon screeched. “How was it? Was it nice or was it bad? I heard if I guy is a good bowler then you know… and Mash is… well he’s just strong so he can take down all the pins,” Lemon said. “And the alley,” Finn added. “Nevermind that! Details, (Y/N)! Was it romantic? Freaky?” She asked. “No… well none of that because we haven’t done anything,” I said softly. “Oh…” Lemon said. “Yeah, well I don’t know Mash has never seemed too interested in that kind of stuff, I don’t know,” I shrugged. “What do you mean, have you tried hinting at it?” Finn asked. “Sort of? One night we watched a movie in my dorm and a… scene came on! I thought it would spark the mood a bit so I scooted closer to Mash and I decided to… place my hand on his thigh,” I blushed, covering my face from Lemon’s sly smile. “You go girl, show him who’s boss!” She laughed. “But… he then asked if I thought the muscle was softer than usual. I guess he noticed a difference between the two and my hand placement confirmed his suspicions,” I sighed. “Jeez,” Finn winced at the comment. “I mean we all knew Mash was dense but I didn’t think it was that bad,” Lemon frowned. “So maybe it’s for the best that we just hold off,” I smiled. “Have you thought of talking to him? I mean Mash probably wants to do stuff like that too, but since you never brought it up he doesn’t see the reason to either,” Finn said. “You’re probably right Finn, but… it’s embarrassing… We’ve been together for almost a year and I’ve given a couple of hints already. I was hoping he would’ve caught on by now,” I sighed. “Well why don’t you give him a love potion? It’ll probably boost his spirits, if you know what I mean,” Lemon whispered. “I don’t think drugging my boyfriend without his consent is really the best idea!” I shouted. “Kidding!” Lemon smiled. “I don’t think she was…” Finn sighed. “I’ll just keep things the way they are. Plus he has to catch on one day right?” I asked them, both of them shrugging at the question. “Oh I have to go to the library! I told a friend I would help her with her project!” Lemon shouted and ran off. “Bye!” She yelled and we waved back. “I should probably get going too, we left the group in my room… I just hope they didn’t break anything…” Finn cried and walked off. “See ya (Y/N),” he moped. “Bye,” I laughed and headed back to my dorm.
I laid on the bed thinking about the conversation with Lemon and Finn. “It’s almost been a year… and I think I’m ready, but maybe Mash isn’t…” I sighed. “Oh well,” I shrugged. I can’t be upset that he’s not comfortable with engaging with any of the hints I’ve given him. “Why don’t you give him a love potion?” Lemon’s words are repeated in my head. I quickly shake my head. No. No. No. That’s a crazy idea, plus super wrong. “I think I’ll just nap all this off, get my mind off all this stuff,” I sighed to myself and got ready for bed and quickly fell asleep.
I woke up later to a knock on my door and got up to answer it. I opened it and saw Mash on the other side holding a bag. “Hi Mash,” I said sleepily. “Were you sleeping?” He asked. “Yeah… I felt stressed so I thought I should just take a nap,” I explained and stepped aside to let him in. “Then Lemon was smart to give me these things,” he said as he walked in and dropped the stuff on my desk. “What did she give you?” I asked as I shut the door. “She gave me cake and tea,” he said. “Cake and tea…?” I thought suspiciously. She wouldn’t… “Can I just have a quick look?” I asked and snatched the cake box. “Uhh…” Mash mumbled. I opened the box and… it looks fine? Well the box is from a local café and it seems like an average cake made at the shop. “(Y/N)?” Mash asked, peering over my shoulder. “Haha, sorry. I just got so excited to see the cake,” I said awkwardly. “Ah… well there’s also some tea-“ he said and I swooshed over to the prepared tea and opened it. I mean it looks ok… or does it? Don’t all potions look like regular tea?? “Oh well… I think this is Jasmine tea… and I’m allergic to Jasmine tea!” I said and headed to toss it. “Oh, but I’m n- oh you tossed it…” Mash said disappointedly. “Sorry Mash,” I apologized. “It’s fine, you’re just having a stressful day,” he said and patted my head. “I just… I just had a weird conversation with Lemon earlier so I think I’m just being paranoid. Let’s just enjoy some cake,” I smiled. “Conversation? What was it about?” He asked. I blushed, “Nothing! It was girl stuff, don’t worry about it!” “Oh… well ok,” Mash shrugged.
We cut the cake and luckily I had some strawberry milk saved. “That was a good cake,” Mash said. “You only had a bite…” I sighed as we sat on my loveseat together. “Yeah, but I had a lot of cream puffs earlier, and I only worked out for 2 hours today. Don’t want to eat to pass my calorie intake,” he explained. “Just 2 hours?” I laughed. “Yeah, Lemon stopped me to tell me you were having an off day,” he said. “Ohh, well sorry for interrupting your workout, but thanks for coming over and the cake was delicious! I almost ate the whole thing,” I said and kissed his cheek. “It’s fine,” he smiled. I think I'm getting hot..? “Hey Mash, mind if I open a window? It’s getting hot in here,” I said and quickly opened my window to let in some fresh air. “It is?” Mash asked. “Yeah it’s super hot… and the fresh air isn’t helping!” I huffed and stuck my head out the window. “(Y/N) are you ok?” He asked and placed a hand on my lower back. I winced, his hand was hot to the touch. “Yeah, w-why do you ask?” I responded and looked back. “C-C-Cause it’s f-f-freezing in h-here,” he chattered from the cold. “O-Oh, I’m sorry!” I closed the window and sat back down. I felt my body beginning to feel like it’s on fire, but not sweaty but burning… “What’s wrong with me…?” I whispered. “Hey, it’ll be alright,” Mash said and pulled me into a hug. God the hug was burning me even more, but in a good way. I want more. “Mash, touch me more,” I said desperately. “(Y/N)?” Mash said, confused. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, my body's on fire. Even you touching me makes it burn more, but I want more…” I whispered before pulling him into a kiss. “Mash…” I gasped when we pulled away for air. “Y-Yeah?” He panted. “Why haven’t we ever done anything… more?” I asked, feeling my cheeks heat up even more. “M-More? I don’t know. You never asked or talked about it so I thought-“ I interrupted him. “I always gave away hints, it’s kind of embarrassing,” I laughed nervously. “You did?” He asked, shocked. I nodded shyly. “Well… then let’s try it,” he said and pulled me into a rough kiss. God my mind is going blank.
Mash carried me to my bed and laid me down softly. I watched as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off. Exposing his bare chest, and god-like body. “N-No compression shirt?” I blushed. “Not today,” he said and got on top of me, quickly pulling me in for another kiss. He pulled away and quickly went for my neck, licking, sucking, and nibbling every inch. “M-Mash,” I said, feeling dizzy. “Let’s take our time,” he whispered into my ear, causing goosebumps to crawl over me. All I could do was whimper in response. “I never knew you could make these kinds of noises,” he said against my skin. “Let me hear more,” he said in a demanding tone, and began biting my neck a bit harsher. “Mhm!” I let out. He finally pulled back and stared at me. I took the chance to try and catch my breath. “Sorry about this (Y/N)…” Mash said, and before I could ask he placed his hands on the buttons of my shirt and ripped them apart. Exposing my bra, “Mash!” I blushed, and tried to cover myself. Before I could Mash pinned my arms above my chest. “Don’t hide them, please,” he pleaded. “M-Mash…” I gasped and relaxed. “Good girl,” he said deeply, but keeping his hand pinned against mine. With his free hand he traced his thumb from my lips to the tip of my waistband. “W-Wait! I don’t want… to be the first one…” I bit my lip, too embarrassed to finish my sentence. “Don’t wanna be the first one naked? Alright then,” he said and slowly got off of me. I watched as he quickly removed his belt, allowing his pants to fall. Leaving him in only his boxer shorts, I gulped and wanted to follow his lead. I slowly grabbed the hem of my skirt and slipped it down, Mash helping me throw them off. Now we were both left in nothing but our underwear. “You’re so sexy,” he said as he pounced on me again. I moaned and gasped at each nip or kiss he would leave, my body still feeling like it’s on fire. “M-Mash, stop teasing me,” I said desperately. “Someone’s impatient,” he chuckled. “But that’s fine, I don’t think I can hold off any longer either,” he said as he placed my hand over his bulge. I blushed and pulled him in for another kiss, I felt bad that he was the only one taking the initiative. “Lay back,” I said. He nodded and sat back and I slowly got on his lap, he placed his rough hands on my hips. I began to reach for my bra and removed it slowly, I finally unclasped it, letting my breasts fall. I watched as Mash stared at my body, letting his eyes roam over every inch. “Do they look n-nice?” I said awkwardly. “They’re perfect,” he said as he cupped one of them with his right hand, surprising me.
Before fully reacting he pushed me down, “Ma- Ah!” I moaned, feeling his mouth swallow my breast. I grasped onto his hair tightly, and covered my mouth with my other hand, not wanting my neighbors to hear us. As soon as I muffled myself, Mash looked up looking disappointed. He pinned my arms again with one of his hands, “Don’t do that again,” he demanded. I blushed and nodded shyly. “Good,” he said. “Mash, I think I wanna do-“ before I could my sentence Mash ripped my underwear off. “H-ahhh?” I laid there in shock. “Me too,” he said and pulled down his shorts. I looked up and saw his cock ready to go. “A-Ah,” I let out. “Let me prepare you,” he said. I nodded and spread my legs a little wider. I gasped when I felt a finger slide inside me, “Mm!” I gasped. Then another. “Ahmm!” I moaned, quickly biting my lip trying to muffle myself. “It’s so hot and wet,” he said, huskily. I looked up and saw his eyes staring down at me, hungrily. “I’m gonna move now ok?” He asked. I nodded, and felt Mash slowly insert his fingers in and out. Oh god I’m gonna go crazy, he’s going so slow! I began moving my hips slightly, trying to increase the speed. “Too slow for you?” He chuckled, as his eyes glowed in amusement. I suddenly felt the increased speed, “Ahh~! Mashh~!!” I cried out. “Is this better now?” He asked and continued using his two fingers to thrust and occasionally widen my pussy. After what felt like an eternity I was done! “Mash!” I huffed. “What’s wrong (Y/N)?” He smiled slyly. “I’m ready now, please?” I pleaded. “Please what?” He asked as he slowly removed his fingers, causing me to whimper to the sudden loss. “P-Please?” I repeated. “Come on say,” he said as I felt something hard begin to rub my lips. Oh god this man is making me crazy. “Just fuck me already!” I practically shouted. “Whatever you say, princess,” he smirked and thrusted himself deep inside. I quickly felt full and needed a minute to catch my breath. “H-Hold on…” I gasped. “Tell me when you’re ready,” he said softly and dropped down to kiss me softly. After another minute or two, I nodded and allowed Mash to start moving. He went slow at first, but after a few minutes he quickly began thrusting faster and harder. “Ma-aash…” I drooled as I gasped with each breath. “Fuck (Y/N)… you’re pussy feels so good,” he grunted and let go of my pinned hands. “MmMM!” I moaned in response. I quickly arched my back, feeling an overload of ecstasy as I felt a thumb brush over my clit. “I really liked that reaction,” Mash panted and continued to rub my clit at an intense speed. “W-WaiT!” I cried, feeling a knot in my lower stomach grow bigger and bigger. “I think I’m- maSH!” I let out and threw my head back as I felt a wave of pleasure rush through my body, but I quickly threw it back up as I realized Mash wasn’t stopping. “Ma- Sensit…ive!” I moaned and grilled onto his shoulder tightly. “I wish I could, but someone’s pussy won’t let go of me,” he smirked and continued thrusting me at the same pace and began rubbing my clit again. I quickly placed both hands over my mouth and again Mash quickly pinned them above my head. “Nice try,” he grunted. “Ah! Mm! Mash~!” I moaned, filling my room with the sounds of my moans and Mash thrusting in and out of my pussy. “Fuck… I’m close,” he said in ear. “Cum! Cum!” I begged him. “Not before you do, one more time,” he whispered in my ear. He unpinned me and returned his hand to my clit, playing with it again, bringing me closer and closer. “Mash… I’m-“ I choked and threw my arms around him. “Me too,” he grunted, thrusting deeper each time. “Mashhh!” I cried and dug my nails into his skin, once again my body flowing with ecstasy. “(Y/N)…!” He moaned with one final thrust, filling me before pulling himself out and falling next to me. We both took our time trying to catch our breaths and Mash soon pulled me in for some cuddles. “That was nice…” he said sleepily, before I heard some light snoring. I giggled and snuggled into his arms before falling asleep as well. Before I forget… make a mental note to thank and also kill Lemon tomorrow.
The Next Day
“You guys did it? Well… you did skip classes today, so it all makes sense now,” Lemon laughed. “Yeah, the cake sort of did the trick,” I blushed. “Cake?” Lemon asked, confused. “Yeah the cake and tea you gave Mash because I wasn’t feeling too good. You put a love potion in it didn’t you? Well… it’s fine cause I’m the one that ate it so I’ll forgive you this time-“ I was quickly interrupted. “(Y/N) what are you talking about? I bought that cake at the café we always go to. I went with my friend after we finished the project. I remembered you said you wanted to try the red velvet,” she said. “H-Huh?” I blinked. “Y-You thought I put a love potion in it!?” Lemon laughed. “Y-You didn’t?” I blinked again. “Girl… you must’ve had a placebo effect or something…” Lemon said. “Oh…” I said, speechless.
#anime fanfic#fanfic#fluff#x reader#anime#mash burnedead x reader#mashle: magic and muscles x reader#mash x reader#mash burnedead#mashle#mash#smut#mashle: magic and muscles smut#mashle: magic and muscles#mash smut#smut fic
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misfits IV (college!ateez x reader)
pairing: ot8 ateez x fem! reader
warnings: cursing, negligence, mentions of suicide, a fight between yeosang and yunho
word count: 8.5k
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--- THIS IS AN 18+ STORY MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ---
“You’re also adding the overall total to the mean, it doesn’t need to be there.” You explain to Jeongin, who immediately face plants into his palm.
“Are you serious?” He groans, understanding his amateur mistake. You recognise the frustration, relating to the problems, having them yourself in the past due to being very stressed and sleep deprived.
“Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.”
Jeongin and you are sat side by side in the quiet solitude of the library, Jeongin finds himself engrossed in the assignment, his brow furrowed as he surveys over his mistake. The air is filled with a hushed diligence, the only sounds being the soft rustling of papers and the occasional scratch of pen against paper. The library offers a sanctuary for their focused work, providing a space free from distractions where they can dive deep into the realm of knowledge and learning. You are not too far from the spot where you tutored San and Jongho last week. Yet you decided to stay away from the particular spot, so you don’t get too distracted by the strong memories and thoughts of the two men.
“I feel like I could’ve sorted that out by myself, I’m sorry for wasting your time.” Jeongin looks extremely apologetic, and you can’t help but feel bad for him.
“It’s really okay, my morning was free anyways, and I’m always glad to help a friend.” You smile at him, his remorseful gaze melting away and being replaced by his signature eye smile.
“You better get going though, you’ve got an important date to attend to.” You wink at him, wiggling your eyebrows jokingly. Jeongin rolls his eyes before grabbing his things and bidding you a sweet goodbye. You reflect on Jeongin’s happiness, a wave of warmth and affection washes over your heart. Thoughts of your friend finding someone he truly likes, brings a genuine smile to your face. Silently hoping that this newfound relationship will last, the look on his features pure.
As the time passes by, you realise it’s time to find Jisung and attempt to explain your situation in a way that won’t freak him out too much. Grabbing your phone, you send him a text that you’re in the library, you await his presence by editing the finishing an assignment that needs to be uploaded by tomorrow.
“Girl, I haven’t heard from you in days where the fuck have you been?” Jisung’s voice speaks from behind you loudly, causing fellow library attendants to send him pointed glares. Jisung sends the look back, telling them to mind their business before bringing you into a warm hug. The two of you sit down next to each other, your assignment pushed to the side. Turning to your best friend, you give him the apologetic look you can muster.
“It’s been really crazy, I’m so sorry.” You reply, regretful for denying the events from the past few days from your best friend, knowing it would’ve been much more manageable with Jisung by your side.
“Right? Minho told me that Kim fucking Hongjoong came into your lecture and demanded you to see him?”
You grimace, remembering that day and how likely it was that the whole school is talking about you right now, “yeah that did happen?”
“Did he threaten you? Stab you? Poison you? You know he’s the leader of the group, right?”
“Yeah, a good leader too.”
“Is that seriously the only thing you got from that sentence?”
“Jisung I’m fine, he actually offered me a place to live…” your words are careful, trying to be quiet, knowing someone is probably listening to your conversation after hearing the words ‘Hongjoong’. Maybe even listening in since they saw you, knowing the attention you are receiving now is much more than usual.
“Okay what.” Jisung looks at you in disbelief, he eyes scanning yours to look for any sign of a joke, “she’s gone insane holy shit.”
“Jisung I’m not insane shut up. His mother is a real estate agent, and they pulled some strings.”
“Okay you’re telling me that the Ateez magically pulled strings for you.”
“I know it’s hard to believe but they really aren’t as bad as you think, only one of them is… questionable.”
Jisung gaze towards you softens, “I want to believe you, but I’ve seen it first-hand how rude they can be to people,”
“Maybe they are trying to change? Come on Ji, it’s me, you know damn well I’m a good judge of character.”
There is a long pause between the conversation, Jisung letting in the information you have provided him with. Jisung knows you are very good at reading people, due to past events you’ve had many situations where you don’t like a friend of his, even if they are the kindest person in the world to him. They always end up the way that you see them and warn Jisung of. At this point Jisung judges your gut feeling more than his own.
“I trust you. If you say they are nice then I will believe it. Just be careful around them, okay?”
You nod at Jisung, happy he understands. As you sit in quiet reflection, an intense sense of gratitude washes over you, directed towards your cherished best friend. With each passing thought, you are reminded of the countless moments you have shared, and the unwavering support Jisung has always offered you. He has been a pillar of strength and a constant source of comfort in your life, and you are overwhelmed with an immense feeling of thankfulness for the presence of Jisung in your life.
“So, what place did you get?” Jisung asks, curious as to where you ended up staying. You realise you never actually told him the full story. Preparing yourself for the worst, you try to find the right words to use.
“Do you promise to not freak out?” You question, your words again quiet, fearful of someone listening in to the conversation. Jisung raises an eyebrow in your direction, very intrigued as to why you would have to caution him not to freak out.
“After finding out Ateez are actually sweethearts, nothing can freak me out.”
“I’m living with them.” You deadpan, not finding any easy way to put it. Watching as Jisung’s eyes open hugely, his mouth takes in a large breath before opening. Before he can even get any words out, you cover his mouth with your hand, stopping his scream from echoing across, likely, the entire library.
“Please don’t freak out!” You exclaim, attempting to silence him as quickly as possible, hoping not to get kicked out of the library. Slowly removing your hand from his mouth, his shocked expression stays present on his face. If this were a scene from a movie, it would definitely make the two of you laugh.
“I’m not freaking out, you’re freaking out.” His voice is high pitched and out of breath, his ears not believing the absurd words exiting your mouth.
“Look I know, it’s insane, but it was my only option.”
Jisung slightly relaxes, yet his entire body is noticeably still tense and on edge.
“I’m saying this because I love you, but are you fucking stupid?” Rolling your eyes at him, you start to speak yet you get cut off, “you can’t live with eight guys.”
“That’s how it would’ve been if I moved in with you.” You retort.
“Yes, but Minho and I would be there to keep you safe if they tried anything. I don’t know your roommates; how do I trust them not to hurt you?”
“Jisung, I really appreciate that you care, but I trust them. They are too respectful to do anything. Plus, you know if they ever hurt me, I’d WWE the shit out of them.”
Jisung’s laugh is boisterous and echoes in the library, when he gets shushed by the people around him, he quickly puts his finger to his lips and shushes them back, again. Looking back at you, his eyes scan your face for any signs of discomfort. When he sees none, his body relaxes a little.
“You’d call me if anything happened, right?” Jisung questions, he moves his hand to rest on yours on top of the large oak table.
“Of course, Ji. It’s not like anyone else is on my emergency contact list.” You say joking through the bitterness evident on your voice.
“Speaking of, have you heard anything from your dad?” Jisung’s voice is soft, knowing how sensitive the subject can be for you.
“Not really, and I don’t particularly care. I did see on Facebook that he has found a new family to terrorise.”
Jisung’s eye roll is almost audible, he lets out an exasperated groan, “this guy never fails to surprise me with his bullshit.”
“You’d think he’d had enough after destroying one family.”
“Let’s not talk about it, he doesn’t deserve the attention.” A comfortable silence begins, and you feel yourself relax, Jisung continues talking when he realises, he didn’t ask a crucial question. “You do have your own room, right?”
“Yes of course. It’s a super nice room, and the bed is so big and comfortable. Plus, I have my own bathroom, so I don’t need to worry about walking in on them naked.” You reply, thinking about the amazing rest you had the previous night.
“That wouldn’t be too bad.” Jisung confesses, leaning back in his chair.
“What the fuck are you saying?” You hit Jisung’s arm, baffled by the nonsense coming out of his mouth, “weren’t you the one who was literally bashing on them earlier?”
“What? Just because I don’t especially like them, doesn’t mean they aren’t undeniably handsome and sexy as fuck.”
“Jisung shut up, you literally have a boyfriend.”
“I also have two perfectly functioning eyes, and if they are so respectful and kind maybe you should bag one,” Jisung looks over at you, a devious glint in his eyes, “or all.”
“Not a chance, Yunho fucking hates me for some reason.”
Jisung looks at you with a gobsmacked expression, “Yunho? Hate you? How can this guy hate you? You’re the sweetest person in the whole world.”
“I don’t know to be honest, Seonghwa said it was because he’s bad with new people, but I feel like there’s something more to the story.”
“Hang on we will unpack that another time. The Park Seonghwa?” Jisung questions, his eyes even wider than before. You start to wonder how wide his eyes can even go at this point.
“Yes?”
“He’s so fine holy shit. If you don’t bag him, I will.” Jisung relaxes back into his chair again.
“Again, you have a boyfriend.”
“Multiple boyfriends are a thing.” The short male jokes, wiggling his eyebrows.
“You’re unbelievable.”
“I’m joking. I love Minho to bits, you know that.”
Laughing at Jisung whilst rolling your eyes, he gently pushes your arm, clearly wanting more details.
“So, you’re telling me you have zero feelings for any of them?” Jisung inquires, leaning closer to you, resting his chin on his hand, a questioning look on his features.
“Why are you so interested in my love life Han?”
“I’m your best friend, your love life is very interesting to me.”
Just as you're about to respond, a vibrant flash of pink captures your attention from behind Jisung, causing you to momentarily lose focus. As the source of the pink draws nearer, you realize it's Mingi approaching your table. His piercing gaze sends a chill down your spine, and you can't help but notice the awe-struck gazes of onlookers as he effortlessly navigates past numerous tables. There's an undeniable air of confidence in his stride, similar to that of a model confidently strutting down a runway, leaving you in awe of his presence.
Caught off guard by your sudden distraction, Jisung turns around, following your gaze to the approaching figure. Sensing his confusion, you instinctively reach out, placing a comforting hand on your best friend's shoulder, offering him reassurance amidst the unexpected arrival of Mingi.
“Don’t worry, he’s one of the nicer ones.” You whisper in his ear, Jisung’s tense shoulders relaxing slightly.
“So, you weren’t lying about moving in, were you?” Jisung whispers back, his eyes not leaving Mingi’s tall structure.
The tall male reaches the table you are at, you are glad that his back is faced towards all the people staring, otherwise they would see the smile that spreads across his features.
“Hey,” Mingi smiles at you, not even paying attention to the smaller man sat closer to him.
Jisung stares at Mingi, shocked to even see a smile on Mingi’s face. Eventually, Mingi looks towards Jisung, and his smile fades slightly, but doesn’t disappear. Gently nodding his head in Jisung’s direction, as if he says hello, he turns his head back to you.
At this small gesture, you are somewhat happy that they are not treating your best friend the cold way you have heard so much about. It is huge for Mingi to be nice to you, so the fact he is also being pleasant to your friend makes you feel extremely touched by the small act.
“You have anatomy soon, right?” Mingi’s deep voice questions you. You and Jisung are both surprised that the man knows what you have next.
“Yeah, I do, how did you know?”
“I’m walking in the same direction; do you want to go together?" Mingi ignores your question leaving you confused, yet you decide to pay no attention to it.
“Well, I was actually going to walk with Jisung.” You say, slightly upset for denying the pink haired man, seeing that he came all the way to find you so you could walk together.
Jisung’s eyes light up like lightbulbs as a thought enters his head, “no, she wasn’t. I was walking by myself. Goodbye you two. It was nice to meet you Mingi.” Jisung has a huge grin on his face as he grabs his bag off the floor and rushes to leave the library.
Confused out of your mind, you look towards Jisung as he leaves, with your arms signing ‘what?’. The only thing your best friend does is point towards Mingi, who still has his eyes on you, he then mouths the words ‘bag him’ before laughing and almost sprinting out of the large room. Wasn’t he the one who said he didn’t want you to be around them? ‘This guy doesn’t have enough time to be playing match maker,’ you think in your head and let out a groan.
“Is it that bad to walk with me to class?” Mingi questions, his expression sorrowful, worried from the groan that just left your lips.
Immediately, you feel bad and reassure the man in front of you, “no Mingi of course not. I was just weirded out by his actions; I’d love to walk with you.”
Instantly, the frown on his face is replaced by a relieved smile. Feeling happy you’re comfortable to walk with him, Mingi helps you pack your things into your bag and the two of you head out of the library, trying to ignore all the stares you get from the people around you. If this is what it’s like to be friends with Ateez, you might as well get used to it, even if you hate being in the spotlight.
As Mingi bids you farewell and heads off to his next class, a wave of realization washes over you. Despite living with the Ateez members, there is still so much you don't know about them. Determined to resolve this, you make a mental note to engage with them individually, realizing that one-on-one conversations might be more manageable and less overwhelming than having them all in one room together. Living under the same roof provides ample opportunities for deeper connections to form.
As the professor enters the classroom, the chatter subsides, and a hush of anticipation settles over the students. You take a seat in the back, preparing for the extended lesson that lies ahead. Thoughts of the impending dinner with the Ateez members fill your mind, stir up mixed feelings within you. It has been quite some time since you've had dinner with a larger group of people, reminiscing about the warmth and amity that accompanied those moments back in high school. The sight of them gathering around the table, like a chosen family, tugs at your heartstrings. However, the prospect of encountering Yunho once again fills you with concern. The words Seonghwa spoke about Hongjoong's "good way of disciplining" linger in your thoughts, leaving you with a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty. You contemplate the dynamics at the dinner table, resolving to find a seat away from Yunho to avoid any confrontations or discomfort.
Realizing that you've allowed your mind to wander, you refocus your attention on the lecture, determined not to miss any crucial information. The upcoming dinner remains at the back of your mind, a blend of excitement and apprehension. You reassure yourself that tonight will be an opportunity to observe and evaluate the dynamics of the group, to see how everyone interacts and finding your place. Deep down, you know that time and shared experiences will reveal more about each member's true nature, allowing you to navigate this new chapter with openness and resilience.
With renewed focus, you immerse yourself in the lecture, ready to absorb the knowledge before you and face the dinner with a mixture of curiosity and cautious optimism.
---
Frustration consumes you as you struggle to insert your key into the stubborn lock, the front door refusing to yield to your attempts. With an exasperated sigh, you lean forward, allowing the weight of your frustration to manifest as a slight bang against the door, as your head comes in contact with the white door. The lecture had ended at four, and you had planned a quick shopping trip with Jisung to grab the forgotten essentials like toothpaste and shampoo. However, fate had a different plan in mind as you unexpectedly ran into Felix near the school. Before you knew it, the three of you found yourselves lured into a charming café that Felix had discovered through the enticing realm of TikTok. Sensing the minutes slipping away, you bid your hasty goodbyes when the clock neared seven, anxious not to be tardy for your inaugural dinner together.
Fortunately, someone had left a key for you on the kitchen counter this morning, yet you are starting to think it’s not the key to the house. Maybe it was Yunho playing a trick on you, so you can’t get into the house, and you will leave him alone. Luckily for you, you happen to be pretty stubborn, and you are not going to give in to whatever this ruse is.
Pulling out your phone, you go to your contacts and push in San’s number. You think you should probably get the rest of the boys’ numbers so if you’re stuck outside at least you have more of a chance of getting inside.
The phone rings about three times before the phone picks up, and you’re surprised at how fast San picks up.
“___, hey. What’s up?” San speaks over the phone, his voice is soft, yet for some reason you can hear he has a smile on his face, perhaps he had a good day. Hearing the smile on San’s face brings a smile to your own and you frustration pointed towards the door melts away. You can hear him shuffling around in the background.
“Hey San, are you home at the moment?” You ask, putting you key back into your pocket.
“Yeah, I am. Why?” The curiosity laced in San’s words is unmissable.
“My key isn’t working for some reason, could you please open the door for me?”
“Ohhhh,” San speaks out, realising the problem, “try pulling the door towards you slightly when you turn the key.”
Reaching into your bag once again, you pull out the key and place it back in the lock. This time, gently pulling the door towards you and just like magic the lock turns fully, opening the door.
“Ah thank you San!” You exclaim as you walk inside the house and start to take off your shoes.
“No worries” a voice speaks out from in front of you. Whipping your head up, you see San leaning against the railing of the staircase with a small smile on his face. Why does he look so handsome suddenly?
“How long have you been there?” You ask, wondering if he was just passing by.
“Since the first time you tried to unlock the door.”
The disbelief washes over you as you observe the guy standing there, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he could have easily opened the door for you.
A wave of guilt surges through you, realizing that you had unfairly blamed Yunho for something that wasn't his fault. It dawns on you that perhaps it's premature to judge him as a horrible person without giving him a chance. The thought lingers in your mind, igniting a flicker of curiosity you decide maybe you should try to get to know him better before passing any final judgments.
“Why didn’t you open the door then?” You groan as you walk past him, into the kitchen where you see Jongho sat at the island, watching a video on his phone. San follows you behind, and watches as you place your bag on the island, catching Jongho’s attention.
“___,” Jongho says with a smile. You return his smile as you take a seat at the island not too far from Jongho.
“If I had opened the door for you then you would never learn how to properly open it.” San explains, his smile is still on his features, yet you can see just a hint of teasing behind it.
You feel your annoyance fade away as you realise, he has a point, still being stubborn though, you blow a raspberry at him, faking annoyance, causing a laugh to erupt from his throat.
Approaching you with a playful demeanour, San affectionately places a hand on top of your head, his touch causing a gentle ruffle of your hair. A soft smile tugs at his lips as he leans down, bringing his eyes to meet yours, and in that intimate proximity, your faces mere inches apart, he confesses, "You're cute."
The sudden admission sends a surge of warmth rushing up your neck, setting your cheeks ablaze. Overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment, you instinctively break eye contact, leaning back as if to create some distance between you and the rush of emotions that swirl within you. San, now standing tall again, leans against the counter behind you, his presence a comforting anchor amidst the fluttering of your heart.
In an attempt to collect yourself, you shift your gaze towards Jongho, who observes the exchange between you and San with a knowing smile. Catching the small glare Jongho directs towards San before turning his attention to you, his smile resumes, radiating a sense of reassurance and understanding.
“How was your day?” Jongho asks, turning off his phone and placing it face down on the counter.
“It was good, I helped a friend with his project and then had an extended lecture which I am absolutely exhausted from. I also went to a really nice café with Jisung and Felix” You reply, sinking into the chair.
“Who is Felix?” San asks, curious at the unfamiliar name. His voice is a little sharp and you can’t help but wonder why.
“He’s one of Jisung’s friends, we don’t hang out that often, but it was nice to see him today.”
“Are you two close friends?” Jongho is the one who questions this time.
“Not that close, he’s more of an acquaintance to me.” I explain to the two.
They both lets out “ah’s” as they let the information process in their heads.
“You didn’t go to Wooyoung’s café?” San questions, sitting next to you, “he was working today.” San adds.
Feeling bad all of a sudden, you remember the café Wooyoung works at.
“Next time I’ll go there for sure,” you say, hoping they aren’t mad about you not going to their friend’s café.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure he doesn’t mind.” Jongho reassures you the second he sees the slightest amount of guilt on your face. Smiling at Jongho, you silently thank him for reassuring your worries.
Then, you suddenly remember the unfinished assignment essay you have yet to submit to the online drop box. Checking the time on your phone, you are relieved to see that you likely have enough time to finish it before dinner.
“Excuse me, I need to finish this essay, I will see you two later.” You explain as you grab your belongings off the island, turning to walk to your room, you take one more look at the men in the kitchen. They are both watching you as you leave, but they have smiles on their faces.
“Good luck,” Jongho says before you close the door to your room.
The next forty minutes are spent in your room, putting the final touches on your assignment, a sense of accomplishment fills the air around you. With a satisfied smile, you close your laptop, knowing that you have poured your efforts and creativity into completing the task at hand. Glancing around, you realise that dinner is still in the process of being prepared, and a surge of anticipation awakens your taste buds. The tempting aromas wafting from the kitchen ignite a hunger within you, making you eagerly await the culinary delights soon to be served. In this brief moment of transition, you revel in the satisfaction of a job well done, ready to savour the flavours that await you at the dinner table.
When Seonghwa knocks on your door to let you know that dinner is almost ready, you send a smile in his direction before getting back to your screen, only having to upload the document. As dinner gets closer, you hear more noises around the house of people entering the abode, your excitement intensifying as you hear Wooyoung’s high pitched laugh from the kitchen making you chuckle under your breath.
Just as you send in your assignment, you hear a soft knock on your door before you hear Mingi’s deep voice speak explaining dinner is ready.
You take a minute to put your laptop into your bag again and clear up your desk quickly before heading out the door and towards the living room. You pass Yunho in the kitchen who is stirring something in a pot. Walking around him quietly, strategically avoiding his gaze, you make it past the kitchen without him seeing you.
As you enter the room, you notice the group gathered around the expansive table, everyone is present except for the notably tall male figure. Finding an empty seat beside Mingi and Seonghwa, you greet everyone with a respectful hello, initiating a brief conversation with Mingi to ask about his day. The conversation flows effortlessly, yet it is cut short as your attention is swiftly diverted by the entrance of Yunho.
He is carrying plates of food. A smile tugs at your lips as the pleasant aroma wafts towards you, instantly recognizing one it as of your favourite meals. Your mouth begins to water in anticipation as you watch Yunho meticulously place the plates in front of each person around the table. However, as he reaches your spot, he strangely passes your plate and instead sets it down in front of Seonghwa, a confusing act that leaves you momentarily taken aback. With a mixture of surprise and confusion, you lock eyes with Yunho, who takes a seat directly across from you, further adding to the mystery of his actions.
“And ___’s plate, Yunho.” Hongjoong questions, his voice is strong and authoritative yet the glare that Yunho gives you shows he ignored Hongjoong completely.
“Sorry, I only made enough for eight.” Yunho glares at you, ignoring the sighs of disappointment and groans from the seven males around him.
“You can have mine,” Seonghwa begins to put his plate in front of you, yet you stop him. Smiling at him gently, you turn back to Yunho in front of you.
“Enjoy your meal, Yunho. I hope you’re happy.” You deadpan, before standing up and pacing out the room, irritated with the bullshit that Yunho is pulling. As you rise from your seat, Wooyoung makes a move to join you, concern written across his face. However, you gently halt his advance, urging him to remain seated and enjoy his meal. Seonghwa's assurance that Hongjoong would handle the situation lingers in your mind, but deep down, you harbour scepticism about Yunho's ability to change so quickly.
Despite feeling deeply disappointed by the turn of events, you gather your inner strength, resolved to confront the situation on your own terms. You remind yourself that you are capable of handling this setback, even though it casts a shadow over your anticipation for the dinner.
“Yunho what the fuck are you trying to do?” Wooyoung demands as he glares at the tall male, his disappoint and anger evident in his words, his stance defensive.
“Just eat. It’s her problem.” Yunho answers, starting to cut his food up.
----
“He didn’t make me food, on purpose, so I just walked out.” You explain the situation to Jisung over the phone.
“Now this is what I expected from an Ateez member to be honest. No hate.” Jisung groans over the phone, annoyance evident on his voice.
The enticing aroma of your favourite meal still wafts through the air, and you find yourself torn between anticipation and frustration. Yunho skilfully prepared the dish you adore, and you aren’t sure is he made the meal because he knows you like it, that would be impossible. Your irritancy intensifies as you realise this was a deliberate attempt to manipulate your emotions.
It becomes painfully clear that Yunho purposefully made the meal with the intent to excite you, using it as a weapon to push you towards the decision of moving out. The realization strikes you like a jagged bolt of lightning, igniting a mixture of anger and hurt. A part of you wants to go back into the dining room and snatch his plate from under his nose, but a stronger part of you resists, refusing to let Yunho's manipulation dictate your actions.
As soon as you entered your room, you found yourself calling your best friend, disappointed but not surprised by the actions of Yunho. Scurrying over to your bed, you rest on the edge still trying to fully process the events. Ranting to Jisung only makes you realise how annoyed you are on the tallest male.
“It’s annoying yes, but it’s manageable. If he starts squaring up on me though I will likely be very scared, bro is big.” You half joke, knowing that he likely won’t dare to start a fight with you due to Hongjoong being present. Tonight, wasn’t nice but it wasn’t like he threatened you or said particularly rude things, if it’s like this you are for sure able to manage at least until you find another place to live. Yes, this place is extremely nice and affordable but it’s not somewhere you see yourself living in for a long time.
“Have you at least eaten anything?” Jisung’s question leaves you shocked. No, you haven’t eaten anything since probably lunch. The second you think about food, your stomach emits a loud growl, leaving you to face palm. Definitely should buy some food, you think to yourself, still aggravated about missing out on the most delicious food you’ve smelt in a while.
Reassuring Jisung, then saying goodbye after about an hour of talking, you hang up the call and immediately open your fast-food app. Scanning through each restaurant you end up even more irritated seeing that there are no deals and most of the food will take at least an hour to arrive. You’re not sure you should be even buying food, seeing how posh the area is it would be a crime to even think about ordering cheap fast food. Flipping from the food application, you go to your bank account checking to see if you even have enough money to be buying a meal. Seeing the amount makes you audibly sigh, your ideas of getting food leaving your mind quicker than you can shut off your phone. Laying back on your bed, you close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, attempting to let the frustration slowly vacate your body.
‘Whatever.’ You think to yourself, you’re not eating so you might as well get ready for bed.
Walking into the bathroom and settling into your night time routine, a sense of annoyance creeping over you when you notice that your favourite moisturizer is running dangerously low. Frustration bubbles within you as you realise that you’ll soon need to replace it. You contemplate the possibility of squeezing out every last drop, hoping to prolong its usage just a little while longer. Sighing to yourself, you realise that you have to again spend money on something you would rather not. Wishing you could just ignore your need for moisturiser, you groan knowing you can’t due to having extremely dry skin in the winter and you’d prefer to not look like your skin was falling off. The moisturiser you use isn’t even that expensive, it’s just a supermarket own brand one that barely keeps your skin looking presentable, yet it’s all you can afford, you have other things you have to save your money for.
Making your way wearily back to your bed, where your phone rests on the charger, you snatch it up and settle on the edge of the mattress. With a swift search on YouTube, you strive to find the perfect video to unwind with before drifting off to sleep. Yet, as your finger taps on a selection, the video barely has a chance to begin before a soft knock reverberates from your door.
Your head whips towards the source of the sound, a realization dawning upon you that someone seeks entry. Surprise tinged with guilt washes over you as you reflect on having walked out on dinner, aware of its importance to the other person. Amidst the rapid whirl of thoughts, you question why you are shouldering the blame when it was Jeong Yunho who acted insensitively.
A flicker of panic flits through your mind, silently hoping that it's not Yunho standing on the other side of the door. Should you pretend to be asleep? No, that won't work, as they would have heard you using the bathroom. Lost in a flurry of racing thoughts, you momentarily forget that someone patiently awaits your response, mere inches away on the other side of the wall.
“Um ___? Can I come in quickly?” A deep sweet voice sounds from behind the wooden door and you immediately recognise it as Yeosang. Letting out a soft sigh of relief you answer back, letting Yeosang know it’s okay for him to open the entrance to your room.
From across the room, your gaze fixates on the door, anticipation coursing through your veins. It swings open, revealing the familiar figure of Yeosang standing hesitantly in the doorway, his presence both captivating and disarming. As your eyes slowly travel from the bottom of his body to his face, you can't help but take note of the subtle changes in his appearance. His usual jeans and hoodie are replaced by a black tank top that showcases his toned arms and snug grey sweatpants that accentuate his casual yet charming vibe. The sight of his bare arms, muscles defined and veins subtly visible, evokes a mix of admiration and intrigue within you. You find yourself captivated by the way his physique displays strength and confidence.
Caught in the act of observing him, Yeosang registers you checking him out, a blend of pride and embarrassment sweeping across his features. His cheeks dusted with a rosy hue, hints at the flattery he feels under your gaze. A contented, almost bashful smile graces his lips, revealing his genuine delight at being the centre of your attention. His usually carefully styled hair appears tousled, and you realise he must have been readying for bed.
However, your attention is abruptly drawn to the paper bag clutched in his hand, distracting your eyes away from his physique and back to his face. The red blush on his cheeks remains, giving him an endearing charm, while his eyes sparkle with a mix of excitement and nervousness. The sight of his dishevelled hair and his relaxed attire only amplifies his charm, adding a touch of effortless attractiveness to his overall appearance.
“I bought you some food. I wasn’t too sure what you’d like so I got a mixture of some things.” Yeosang explains, holding up the paper bag in his hand.
This act instantly makes your heart speed up and your chest to feel warm despite the freeing temperature of your room. This kind gesture warms your heart, and you can’t help but feel incredibly grateful to the man standing in your doorway.
Yeosang's gaze sweeps over your figure, his eyes instinctively drawn to the form-fitting pyjamas that hug your curves. A surge of satisfaction courses through him as he realizes the envy that would consume the other boys if they knew the position he is in at this very moment. Grateful for the stroke of fortune that has brought him into this position, he momentarily loses himself in a spiral of thoughts, silently expressing gratitude to whichever higher power may have orchestrated this unexpected encounter. However, his attention is abruptly redirected as your soft voice breaks through the reverie, grounding him back to the present moment.
“Yeosang, I,” you start to speak yet you can’t find the words to express your gratitude to him, you instead invite him to enter your room fully. “Please come in.” You request, smiling widely at the giddy man who is now in your bedroom.
It’s the first time Yeosang has been in your bedroom since you decorated it, finding some small posters and fairy lights to hang around your room, and some plants to place around making it feel more like home. He looks throughout the space, admiring what you’ve done to it.
“I still have some more things I need to buy before it becomes home.” You admit to the blonde male as he looks around. When he hears your statement, he looks towards you and smiles warmly.
“Here you go,” he says, handing you the bag, and stepping backwards, wanting to not bother you further and let you eat in peace. Looking down into the bag, you see a few different packages, wrapped in aluminium foil and the smell reaches your nostrils, filling them up with the most delicious savoury scent, causing your mouth to water and your stomach reminds you how hungry you actually were.
When you look back up, you see Yeosang back by the doorway, heavily debating whether he should leave or stay to make sure you finish the food, nervously shifting from one foot to the other, unsure of what to say. You smile at his actions, for a buff guy who is supposedly a ‘bad boy’, he sure is cute.
“Yeosang,” you speak out, catching his attention, he meets your eyes, and you swear you could have fainted at that moment. His gaze holds a gentle softness, yet beneath the surface, you sense a wealth of unspoken feelings concealed within the intensity of his eye contact. Words are on the tip of your tongue as you contemplate the question that weighs heavily on your mind, unsure of how to speak your thoughts.
Yeosang, sensing your hesitation and the hint of worry in your stance, takes a step closer, concern etched on his features. Something in the way you stand, lost in your thoughts while gazing at him, tells him that something might be wrong. “Are you okay?” He asks.
Before you can find the right words, however, you instinctively close the distance between you, your heart racing with anticipation. The bag of food you were holding slips from your hands, forgotten on the floor as you gently wrap your arms around him, seeking comfort in a tender embrace.
Yeosang tenses up, caught off guard by the sudden display of affection. Your abrupt departure only further fuels his uncertainty, leaving you standing a meter away, immediately apologizing for potentially crossing boundaries. “I’m sorry, I’m just extremely grateful for the food I’m so sorry for pushing your boundaries,”
But before you can utter another word, this time, Yeosang closes the distance, his hands enveloping you, drawing you closer to his chest. Your cheek presses against the warmth of his shirt, the sensation of his toned physique beneath it briefly registering in your mind. Overwhelmed by the strength and security of his hold, you find yourself tensing up this time, momentarily taken aback by the unexpected gesture. Yet, understanding his earlier hesitation from your own action, you reciprocate by wrapping your arms around his waist, surrendering to the comfort of the embrace.
Time seems to stretch as you bask in the comfort of his arms, feeling a sense of familiarity and longing that has been absent for far too long. Your light-headedness gives way to a contented sigh, revelling in the serenity given by his hug. Expecting the moment to end, you begin to pull away, only to be pulled back into his chest, your cheek colliding with his in a gentle 'oof' of surprise.
Moments blur into eternity as you remain locked in each other's arms, a silent connection between your two souls. Yeosang withdraws slightly, but his hold remains, your arms still embracing his waist, his still encircling your shoulders.
Your gazes meet once again, mere inches apart, illuminated by the soft glow of the bedside lamp. Even in the dim light, you can discern the flush that colours his cheeks, an unreadable expression adorning his features. It's an unfamiliar emotion that leaps around in his eyes, neither embarrassment nor discomfort, but something entirely new, leaving you dizzy with curiosity.
For what feels like an eternity, the two of you engage in a silent exchange, locked in a gaze that renders you weak at the knees. And just when you think your heart couldn't flutter any faster, Yeosang breaks the silence with a confession that catches you off guard. His eyes remain fixed on yours, unwavering and sincere as he admits, "Your eyes are beautiful."
“Uh thank you.” You reply, cheeks growing even hotter than you thought they could go. You just know if Jisung would see you right now he would scream his lungs out.
Moving away from Yeosang, he momentarily wonders if he screwed up by saying those words, yet when he sees the sincere smile on your face, his worries melt away and he gets lost in your expression.
“Would you eat with me?” You question, hoping he will keep you company, the question of ‘did we know each other before college?’ slipping your mind completely.
---
Seated cross-legged on your bed, you relish the delicious food that Yeosang thoughtfully brought for you. Across from you, he sits on the edge of the bed, one leg tucked comfortably while the other dangles freely. His eyes never waver from you, captivated by the way you devour the meal with avid hunger, and a sense of relief washes over him. It's evident that you must have been starving, and he silently curses Yunho for denying you a proper meal earlier during the disastrous dinner. In this intimate moment, he seethes with anger at the thought of you being deprived of a simple joy you were so excited about, confirming his resolve to make up for it.
As you converse one-on-one with Yeosang, the opportunity to have a genuine heart-to-heart arises, a chance to connect without the distractions of others. The conversation flows effortlessly as you delve into the events of your day, sharing thoughts, dreams, and anything that comes to mind. It's in these moments that you notice a subtle transformation in Yeosang's demeanour. His eyes shimmer with a radiant passion whenever he talks about dance, and his voice releases a fresh energy when he discusses subjects close to his heart.
Discovering his love for reading piques your interest, knowing your mutual fondness for books. This realization sparks a lively conversation about favourite authors and cherished books. The genuine curiosity and engagement exchanged between the two of you ignites a flutter within your chest, relishing the ease with which you connect and share your passions with Yeosang.
Yeosang remains by your side until the very last piece of food disappears, his unwavering presence a testament to his attentiveness and care. Not a single crumb is left, and as you sink back into the comforting embrace of your pillows, the weight of the day begins to settle upon you. The heaviness of your eyelids is a gentle reminder that rest is calling, but before sleep claims you, you can't help but feel grateful for the precious moment spent with Yeosang.
“This is the book I was explaining earlier!” Yeosang exclaims, turning his phone to you to show the book he couldn’t remember the name of. However, when he looks up to you, he finds you snuggled into the pillow, your mouth slightly parted, eyes closed. Surprised, his eyes widen as he peers over your sleeping form. Yeosang’s heart swells, revelling in the fact that you felt comfortable enough to allow yourself to fall asleep.
Tucking you into your blanket, careful not to wake you up, he studies you once more, taking in all of your features. He notes each freckle and mole on your face, the way your eyelashes rest against the swell of your cheeks, your hair falling messily over the sheets.
Yeosang gracefully exits your room, a gentle smile adorning his face and a faint blush colouring his cheeks. The evening spent together was a significant milestone in your friendship, and he couldn't help but feel content that he had won the rock-paper-scissors with Wooyoung to order food for you. However, what catches him off guard is the sight of Yunho emerging from his own room simultaneously, intending to make a trip to the kitchen for a glass of water. In that moment, disappointment flickers across Yunho's eyes as he witnesses Yeosang leaving your room.
“Are you seriously cosying up to her?” Yunho’s voice is once again full of venom, not even realising the tone he’s using to talk to his close friend.
“I’m not having this conversation with you right now Yunho.” Exhausted by the taller male's behaviour, Yeosang attempts to walk past him, seeking to put some distance between them. However, his friend intercepts him, halting his steps and preventing him from moving forward.
“I’m being serious, how can you just let her in after everything we have been through?”
“You can’t hold this grudge up forever; she lives with us now.”
“You were the one who said, ‘we will never let outsiders in again’ what the fuck happened to that?”
“It’s ___ dude, she was never an outsider, and you know that damn well.”
“Are you seriously this desperate to get your dick wet that you’ve forgotten everything we have been through?”
“That’s not what this is about, you know that.” Yeosang pushes past Yunho and walks towards the kitchen, taking a seat down on the barstool. Yunho follows him, grabbing a glass from the designated cupboard.
“She may have saved Hwa, Yeosang, but the second she is given the opportunity to leave us she will, just like Ryu did.”
“I don’t understand why you are acting like this after everything she did to help us get back on our feet. She is nothing like her, you would know that if you gave yourself the chance to get to know ___.”
“I don’t understand why you are acting like this. This is exactly what happened with Ryu, she got close to us, just to take away everything.”
“Aren’t you tired of acting like a dickhead to everyone all the time?”
“We do this, so we don’t go through that ever again.” Yunho’s voice raises slightly, his voice starting to echo in the kitchen. “We have acted like this for years because that is the damn narrative that that bitch gave us.”
“Are you seriously telling me after all these years you aren’t tired of being this way just to avoid getting your heart broken? It’s a human thing, Yunho, we deserve love too.”
“You aren’t the one who had your entire heart ripped out of your chest.” Yunho’s voice is louder this time causing some restless heads in the house to shake awake.
“You know damn well my heart was crushed too.” This time Yeosang yells back at him, taking the tall man by surprise. Yeosang barely ever raises his voice, let alone it being directed toward someone, Yunho steps back a little. “I know what you had with her, you thought was special, but you can’t keep dwelling on it. Back when this all began, ___ was the only person willing to be kind. I know for a fact you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel even the smallest amount of love for her.” Yeosang’s voice is exasperated, begging towards his friend to stop the act he has up.
“Then what if I do love her?” Yunho’s voice cracks and Yeosang can see the tears starting to dwell in his eyes, causing him to soften slightly. Yunho continues, “there’s nothing stopping her from doing the same thing as Ryu the second Seonghwa’s dickhead of a father offers her the money to ruin us. She will leave us and our hearts, my heart will be broken again.” The tears in Yunho’s eyes fall onto the surface of the island, yet he doesn’t know whether they are from pure frustration or because the truth is starting to hit him like bricks.
“When we were KQ Fellaz, she knew we were trouble, she knew the rumours about us, she knew the danger she was putting herself in every time she stood up for us. When were all broken from the trauma and heart break she never once pressured us to talk about it, she never yelled at us when we yelled at her, she was never scared of us. Don’t tell me you don’t remember every time single fucking time she cleaned the wounds on your hands after getting in countless of unnecessary fights?” Yeosang runs his hands through his hair, frustrated by the sheer ignorance of his friend.
Yunho goes to speak but he gets cut off by Yeosang, who is half fuming half desperate. “She was kind to us without ever expecting anything in return, so stop letting your stupid prejudice against the human race blind you completely from what’s in front of you. If she was like Ryu, she would have let Seonghwa jump off that ledge.”
Yunho feels his heart drop as he remembers the sight of his older friend in such a fragile state, his only option to be to end it, him not being able to help the pain he was enduring.
“Please Yunho,” Yeosang’s voice is soft this time, nothing louder than a whisper, “just give her a chance.”
#ateez#ateez x reader#ateez poly#poly ateez#ateez angst#ot8!ateez#hongjoong#hongjoong smut#hongjoong angst#seonghwa#seonghwa smut#seonghwa angst#yunho#yunho smut#yunho angst#yeosang#yeosang angst#yeosang smut#mingi#mingi smut#mingi angst#san#san smut#san angst#woosan#woosan smut#wooyoung smut#wooyoung angst#yandere ateez#wooyoung
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Kinktober Day 7 - Atsushi Nakajima
Welcome to day 7 of Kinktober! I hope you enjoy, please read the warnings!
Atsushi x Reader [Smut]
Warnings: Smut, hand job, thigh riding
Word Count: 1.4k
You pulled away from the make out session you were having with Atsushi. His lips were bright red and swollen and he was acting a bit strange throughout the night.
“Is something wrong, you seem nervous tonight?” You asked your boyfriend, who was sitting on the couch next to you.
He sighed, “I feel like I’m not being a good person to you.”
You furrowed your eyebrows at him, confused at his words. Every day with him has been a blast, and you loved being around him. He was so sweet and loving. “What do you mean by that?” You asked, wanting to clarify.
“Like… sex. We haven’t done anything together.” He confessed, looking away from you in shame.
“I don’t know how to do anything.” He added on, blushing, and gazing away from you, feeling a bit ashamed. He had tried to get advice from Dazai and Kunikida, but they both ran away from him the moment he asked about sex.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want, honey. Sex is a big step.” You responded, looking at him.
“But I want to do it, I really want to. Like right now.” He flushed, gazing back at you.
“That’s okay, I could teach you, if you’d like? Or I could,” You paused, narrowing your eyes as you thought about it. “Hm, we can do steps at a time. Foreplay? Like I could give you a blow job or a hand job if you’d like.”
He shook his head, “No, no, I want this to be for you. I mean, I don’t think I’d last if we actually had sex right now too. I heard some stories about being a virgin and lasting two seconds. And I know you’re more experienced than me, so I want to do something for you.”
You almost laughed at his description, but held quiet, “Mm, I don’t know. I can… hm, have you heard of thigh riding? I rub myself on your thigh basically, but I want to offer something for you too, honey.”
He lit up at that, “I’m good with you rubbing on my thigh.” He shook his head.
“Now, would you want me to help you in any way? Is there anything you’d be comfortable doing?” You really wanted to do something in return, but he shook his head.
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything.” He responded, and you shook your head.
“Oh, I don’t feel like that. I would like to touch you and I want you to be comfortable before we do anything.” You smiled at him.
“Really? It won’t bother you?” He seemed so surprised, “I mean… if you could give me a hand job, that would be good. I’m super sensitive, so I don’t think I’ll last very long.” He coughed and looked away, “Remember when I accidentally came when you sat on my lap the first time when we were kissing?”
You smiled fondly at him, “That’s okay, sweetie, some people are super sensitive, and some people are less sensitive.”
He nodded, “Yeah, I guess so.”
“So, you wanna try now?” You wiggled your eyebrows at him, causing him to laugh and relax. That was your goal, you didn’t want to stress him out. He was nervous.
“Mm, sure,” He nodded back, and you stood up and gestured to Atsushi to take his pants off. He dipped them down with his underwear. You almost gasped at the sight of his hardening cock. You hadn’t seen it before, and it was so pretty.
You don’t think you’ve ever seen such a pretty cock before, and you gazed back up at Atsushi, who was blushing heavily. “Does – does it look weird?” He mumbled to you. He saw your staring and thought it was bad. You quickly shook your head.
“No, it’s just super pretty.” You responded and he huffed out a nervous laugh.
“I thought you were going to say something else.” He said, and you shook your head, then sat down on his leg. One of your legs were on one side and the other on the other side. Your knee was barely brushing up against his balls, as his cock was starting to stand up against his stomach.
“Is this, okay?” You asked softly, seeing him gasp.
He nodded back to you, “Yeah, we can continue.” You smiled at him and leaned back to his lips. You kissed him slowly and gently, because you could tell he was still feeling a bit nervous. You wanted to help calm him down.
He melted into your lips, and you grinned slightly, before setting a finger on his tip. He gasped loudly and you took that chance to slip your tongue into his mouth. He moaned and quickly smoothed his tongue against yours.
He gripped your hip tightly and you pulled away for just a moment, “I’m going to rub against you now, if you want to stop just let me know.” You warned him, and he smiled back to you before leaning into your lips again to continue the kiss.
“Mm, so good.” He moaned out as you wrapped your fingers around his cock. You started to roll your hips back and forth, feeling the stimulation on your clit. You gasped as he rocked his leg up and pressed you down causing you to feel even more pressure on your clit.
The kiss was messy, and you both broke away to pant before kissing each other again as you started to pump him in your hand. You could feel him shiver underneath your touch and you grinned against his lips.
You smeared some of the pre cum that came from his tip, down and around the rest of his cock to get some lubrication. He let out so many pretty sounds as you did so, and continued as he slightly pulled away from your lips and focused on gripping your hips and helping you roll them so you could rub on his thigh.
You gasped as you felt the sensations hitting you, “Fuck, that’s good.” You moaned and he nodded back to you, a whimper coming out of his mouth as you flicked your thumb over his tip again.
You started to focus more on grinding against his thigh, and oh god, it felt incredible. It’s been a while since you felt something like this, and you were so happy that it was with Atsushi. He seemed to be having a great time as well, based on how his cheeks were flushed red and he was panting out words of admiration to you.
“Ah! “Oh, wow,” He let out, gripping your hips extra tight. You were pretty sure there would be bruises in the morning.
As you both continued your actions, you moved your hand down to your clit to get a little bit more attention because you could see that Atsushi was about to finish.
You circled your clit with your fingers before grinding against them hard, with the help of his thigh. You gasped loudly as you felt yourself nearing your orgasm. You felt almost weightless on top of his thigh, and you were glad he was holding onto you before if he weren’t then you were sure you would’ve fallen.
“I’m – oh, I’m about to come.” Atsushi cried out, his head laying on your shoulder, face twisted to your neck, and he panted hard breaths against your skin causing you to shudder.
You continued to jerk him off, making sure to massage up to his tip as well, “Go ahead, sweetie, I want you to come.” You whispered to him.
And just like that, he started coming hard. Spurts of his cum came out, flying on top of his torso and on yours as well. You smiled at the view, feeling as he withered in his spot, crying your name out over and over.
You soon pushed yourself to completion, and Atsushi didn’t forget to keep rolling your hips to help you. You groaned, feeling your orgasm take hold of you, and you fell down against Atsushi now. You felt limp in his hold as cum dripped down from your pussy onto his thigh and down to the floor.
“That was amazing, we should’ve done this way sooner!” Atsushi exclaimed as he pulled you close and laid back against the couch. You giggled back to him and snuggled closer, liking the way he wrapped his arm around you.
“We can do this, and we could do other things, just let me know about it and we can talk about it.” You mumbled to him, and he smiled brightly.
“Yeah! I mean, can we stay together here tomorrow instead of going to work?” Atsushi asked and you started to laugh.
“So, we could mess around?” You responded, laughing. He grinned cheekily at you.
“That and I just love spending time with you.”
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Let’s talk about 16th century Italian theatre.
No wait come back I promise this is actually related to Sanders Sides
So, last night I was talking with some friends about an AU I’m currently working on. I’ve been away from the Sanders Sides fandom for a good while now, but recently my hyperfixation reactivated and now my brain is so ready to write a ridiculously long longfic with a convoluted premise and horrifying implications. (I’m like 25k in. Having the time of my life. No doubt I’ll talk about it more later. This isn’t about that.)
Since I’m not the sort of person who usually writes AUs - I prefer to stick to canonverse, and canonverse-adjacent fics - I eventually brought up how worried I always am about characterization of the Sides in AUs. Because although I do adore an AU; I devour Love and Other Fairytales like candy and think about Lavender For Luck all the time and don’t even get me started on WIBAR, when it comes to my own writing, I secondguess myself a lot. I don’t like to stray too far from canon concepts and characterization. I get worried when I don’t draw enough connections to things that happen in the series, because it feels like a betrayal of the source material - if I change a character dynamic from how it’s usually portrayed, I spend entirely too long thinking about how to make it work.
And someone else said, well, I don’t usually worry about that sort of thing very much anymore.
And I said, why not?
And they said, well, I haven’t watched the actual show for ages. I mainly treat the Sides as stock characters for the stories I write, and my brain fucking exploded.
...Exploded in a good way. I have to stress this so, so hard. My personal opinions on writing characterization and AUs apply just to my writing. I judge my own work entirely too harshly and work too hard at Getting Characterization right, and that doesn’t apply to other people’s work or AUs at all, I enjoy them all without a problem. This meta isn’t about OOC being a bad thing, or AUs that are completely removed from their source material being a bad thing, because they aren’t, not at all, they’re a form of creative expression just like any fanwork. And if someone starts getting on your case about that sort of thing, just... just block them.
Anyway, where was I. Exploding brain? Ah yes.
So a few other people chimed into the conversation at this point, agreeing that in a lot of cases, the Sides for them were stock characters with fun names, established personalities and tropes to play around with, and part of the fun for them at this point came less from interaction with canon and more about interactions with friends and fellow writers. Which is very different to how I do things. I was fascinated, and my brain had one big delighted thought, oh shit! You’re treating the Sides like Commedia Dell’arte characters! I get it now!
(Disclaimer: I haven’t done drama or theatre for a good while now. If I make a factual mistake, either patiently bear with me or gently correct me.)
Commedia Dell’arte was a form of Italian improv theatre that was first popular in the 16-18th centuries through Europe, and didn’t have any proper established plots or scripts. The actors were almost never the same from performance to performacne, the comedy was over-the-top and often satirical and absurd in its physicality, it focused on plots about romance and jealousy and love. Emphasis on an ensemble cast. Very stylized, very distinctive. Here’s one beng performed in Venice, for the Vibes.
[image description: a photo shot of two masked people in period costume conversing on a small wooden stage, taken over the heads of a crowd in Venice.]
The key, the thing that ties all Commedia Dell’arte together? The stock characters. There’s a list of all of these character archetypes, all with specific names and associated masks assigned to them, and when you’re performing this sort of theatre, all the actors pick one of the archetypes and put on a mask and work out what the situation is, and bam, you’re on the stage and off to the races. You’ve got the servant of two masters, the stuttering statesmen, the Sad Clown (relatable), the utterly obsessed lovers who won’t stop making doe eyes at each other on stage from behind those masks of theirs.
Pretty freaky-looking masks, admittedly. Look at that nose on Naso Turco, the sly servant!
[image description: eight blue-and-black stylized Commedia Dell’arte masks, all labelled with their roles]
And the thing is, audiences would recognize these archetypes upon seeing them - it wasn’t so much about having characters that were perfectly ported from one story to another, like you might have in adaptations of fairy tales, it’s more about the archetypes. The personalities. Their status, and the way they interact with one another. Apparently all of the original cast of stock characters (you can find a list of them on Wikipedia, or maybe elsewhere) were "originally intended as a kind of characteristic representative of some particular Italian district or town." They’re representations of archetypes. You might even say that they’re conceptual representations.
Sound familiar? Yeah, it’s not hard to see where I’m going with this.
In Commedia, stock characters are almost never played by the same actors because the cast is always different, and might be an entirely different theatre troupe - so the way of recognizing certain archetypes is by their clothing style, or other symbolic context clues.
And that’s exactly how you recognize the Sides in fanworks when the AU is too far divorced from canon to understand them otherwise. If you’ve changed their ethnicity, or genderbent them, or given then a different species, you look for the context clues because at this point you’ve learned to read them like a language.
If it’s just fanart, or the names haven’t been brought up yet, how do you tell it’s Roman? Well, Roman’s costume is pretty distinctive, even when modified - and failing that, even if he’s just in jeans and a t-shirt, or even if he’s an indistinct jello-y blob floating in the distant reaches of space - he’s going to be the red blob. They’re color-coded for our convinience. Virgil’s stormclouds and spiders, Janus has his snakes and almost always has something going on with one side of his face.
Do you find this delightful? I hope you do. Because I do. I find it really, really delightful, and I’d never put conscious thought into this before last night. The Sides aren’t quite as flat and archetypal as the colorful cast of Commedia Dell’arte - they’re more fleshed out, for one thing, and even if writers don’t always pull on it, there’s canon backstory and plotlines to draw from. But they’re still archetypes, deliberately so in the context of canon. Someone in the server I was discussing this in summed it up really nicely - [..] we have Roman the artist, we have Janus for all the drama and deception, we have clever Logan to represent the science spirit. We have Patton for the morale lessons. We have Virgil for the memento mori style, and we have Remus for all the gore and dark comedic relief.
Which is such a great updating of all of the classic theatrical archetypes. Because (although Italian improv theatre is still performed! People still use these old roles and costumes, but it’s definitely more historical than modern) the idea of servants and masters and cunning peasants and all the complicated dynamics between these roles, well... it isn’t super relevant to modern storytelling. When Commedia Dell’arte is performed nowadays, it’s almost never hashtag-relatable in the way it used to be. You know what’s more relatable? Archetypes of the nerd who doesn’t acknowledge his emotions, the grumpy loner with a heart of gold, the theatre kid who won’t stop singing. You can take those and all of the rest and shove them into all manner of situations, and you can make some really cool stories out of that.
(National Theatre has a really nice video breaking down this theatre form a lot better than I can, with details I didn’t include here. Check it out here if you’re interested. It also includes details about the various archetypes’ physicalities and movements, which I think is kind of interesting, because in canon Sanders Sides the character’s physicalities are terrifyingly recognizable. That’s not really relevant to the idea of AU Improv Theatre, though, so I won’t poke any further at that thought. ANYWAY.)
I’ll level with you: some of the things people write in this fandom, I just don’t vibe with and I don’t get, and I’m okay with that. It’s the maxim of Mind Your Own Business, I just don’t interact and I keep on moving in my own lane. But, like... maybe I don’t need to get it. I’m pretty sure there were people in 1600s Europe who showed up to a Commedia Dell’arte performance and went ‘no, this one isn’t for me, did you see how they absolutely butchered the characterization of the Innamorati? Disgraceful’. But for many other people, maybe that particular performance just hit the spot, because they’d always wanted to see an interpretation just like that, that diverged from the norm just a little bit. And even if nobody in the audience at all liked it, maybe the performers were having enough of a blast that it more than made up for it.
And if not any of that - well, there’s always the next show!
[image description: four masked Commedia Dell’arte performers crowded around a prop cafe table, exclaiming dramatically over a menu that they’re all bent over.]
I don’t know if my brain will ever be chill enough to let me write something completely separated from canon. (Although... now that I’m typing that, I recognize that the chessboxing AU is not so much separated from canon as a tragic widower of a dinosaur-related apocalyptic divorce. Okay. Nevermind. Still, you probably get where I’m coming from.) And I’m probably not going to stop treating characterization like I’m going to be sentenced by a vicious panel of judges to a cruel and untimely death if I get the slightest bit of it wrong, but... I don’t know. The realization that it’s all comes back to this makes me happy, somehow. Just generally joyful about the state of the fandom, and the things that people create, and the community that’s been built up around it.
Commedia is all about exploring stuff in improv like love and romance and dynamics, and isn't that exactly what we're doing as writers? Throwing character archetypes together and making them kiss and talk to see what will happen? It's not really improv, but it's not like we have any stage to act on except the AO3 posting page.
We didn't set out to make the characters from a web series into stock archetypes that so many people pick up and play with to Work Out Our Issues With. (Writing is free therapy. We all knew that already.) That was definitely not the original intention of Sanders Sides - or any similar fandom, actually. (I know TSS isn’t the only one this happens in, not even close.)
But, hey, we're humans, and it always comes back to us wanting to play. And there's nothing new under the sun, not really. Of course given an infinite internet sandbox and a goofy web series about some guy’s identity crisis, we would accidentally reinvent the original Italian comedy theatre. That’s kind of brilliant.
You know what, I think 16th century Italians would enjoy Sanders Sides AUs a lot. I bet they’d make some pretty banger masks for the boys to wear.
God, I wish I had a time machine.
#sanders sides#sanders sides meta#min goes off the rails#(a tag that has not seen use for a while! i don't write much meta these days)#this may be deeply pretentious but also it hit me like a ton of bricks. i get it now. i get it
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24 with jack hughes pls <3
Thank you so much for the request! I hope you like it!
24. “I needed you.”
I’m sure that breakups never feel good but I didn’t think it would hurt this bad. Jack and I were that couple in High School. We were all over each other all time. I thought we were in love. But he went to New Jersey and it was hard on us. I couldn’t take it. So I broke it off without looking back.
My hometown feels uncomfortable some days. I’ve always loved it here, I wanted to live here forever. Now wherever I look reminds me of him, even two years after we broke up.
There have been so many times I’ve wanted to call him and beg him to be with me again. I’ve wanted to tell him that living without him is torture. He’s doing so well though. He is crushing it in the NHL, he’s had another serious girlfriend. They aren’t together anymore, that I know of. But it solidifies that fact that he’s better off without me.
I do the same thing almost everyday. I wake up and get a hot chocolate from my favorite Cafe then I head to work and school. It’s simple and calming. I love it. On my off days I still usually go to the Cafe and finish my homework.
I don’t have work or school today. I slept in later then usual and it felt wonderful. I made myself presentable, then I drove to the Cafe.
I’m sitting in my usual spot reading and sipping on a Hot Chocolate when I hear the bell ring signaling that someone has entered the shop. I don’t look up, I’m too immersed in my book. Something quickly pulls me out of it, the sound of a familiar voice at the counter. I look over and I can’t hide my shock. “Jack?” I gasp.
He glances over at me with those stunning blue eyes, “Y/n?” Without thinking I rush over to him pulling him into a hug. Seeing him is making me realize how much I’ve missed him. We were friends then lovers and now strangers. How can that be?
“Jack I can’t believe you’re here,” I whisper holding him with all my strength. After a moment we let go and look at each other. His hair is longer then when I last saw him. It suits him really well. He seems different in someway, older, wiser. I’m not sure what it is but I like it.
“What are you doing in Michigan?” I ask.
He smiles a little, gosh I’ve missed that smile. “I played at Little Caesar’s last night and we have a day off before heading to Columbus. I thought I’d stop and see the family.”
“Oh yeah! I heard you’re crushing it this year! I knew you could do it!” I mean what I say. I always knew he had something special when it came to hockey. Not just his talent but his passion too.
His eyes narrow, “If you knew I could do it, why did you leave?
I’m immediately confused, “What in the world do you mean?”
“You left because it was too stressful because I wasn’t playing well.” He looks at me like I should know this. As if this bombshell is some kind of fact.
I shake my head, “No I broke it off because it was too stressful to be long distance. I thought I was holding you back and I was right. You’ve been great since I’ve been gone. Winning games, dating other people.”
“No I haven’t. I needed you. I was miserable without you. I didn’t want to break up I wanted you to come live with me. I wanted us to grow together but you left. I’ve been playing well because I found my place on the team. That girl was great but I never loved her like I loved you. That’s why me and her ended things.” He pauses and places his hand on my cheek, “Why didn’t you talk to me, give me a chance to fix this?”
I try not to get too emotional, not in public like this. I grab his drink and his arm. I pull him to a booth hoping it will give us some more privacy. “I didn’t want to hold you back. You have something so special, I wish I had half the talent you have. Not only that but you’re hardworking and passionate. I knew if you would have asked me to stay I would have. I couldn’t be the one who ruined your passion, so I left without an explanation. I’m sorry that I did that.”
“Could we try to be in each others lives again? We don’t have to jump right back where we left off but we could talk more.” He suggests. I know that I’ll fall for him again but I don’t care. He owns my heart. Always has, always will.
I smile, “I could go to your game tomorrow, in Columbus. If you want me to?”
The way his face lights up makes my heart melt, “I want you to.” He looks at his watch for a second, “Can I stay here with you to catch up until I have to leave to see my family?”
“Please.” I respond.
We sit and talk to each other for a couple hours, falling back into a familiar banter. Though we are very much the same as we used to be, something feels different. Like we could really last. I hope we can, because I need him desperately and I think he needs me too.
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neighbors
summary: phoenix catches her neighbor bucky masurbating while looking at her…
pairings: bucky x reader, bucky x OC
warnings: S M U T, two kids die :( reader is a doctor, taking readers virginity, sex at a bad time lol. - lmk what i missed
planning on this being a multi-part book
please y'all let me know what i can do better 🥲
enjoy~
I was getting ready to shower, curtains open, I tug off my pants, my thumbs hooking on my panties. I pull off my shirt and, unclipping my bra, I start the water, and set it to boil. I started fumbling with my speaker and turn on my favorite band, falling in reverse. i step into the shower and feel immediate relief from my day. a little boy came in with a gunshot wound. I work in a hospital, both as an anesthesiologist and an ER doctor/surgeon. I do a bit of everything.
the kid had been messing around with his dads gun and it went off. I did everything I could, but he shot himself in his chest and knicked his left ventricle, his heart. frankly, I was surprised he made it to the hospital at all. cases were involving kids always hit harder. I needed to decompress. masturbating always helped. after washing myself, I stepped onto the nice heated floor of my bathroom. I lay on the floor in front of the window, reaching from the ceiling to the tile.
no one was home now anyway; it was the middle of the day on a Monday, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling good with a good view, the bathroom was also on the second floor. I grabbed the vibrator that I kept in the drawers in my bathroom, but I began with my fingers. I started running my hands up and down my sides, stopping to massage by breasts, twisting my fingers around my nipples. my back arched in pleasure, I rarely have time to pleasure myself, so I’m pretty sensitive. I ran my hands down my stomach, and began massaging my inner thighs.
intentionally skipping over the place I wanted to touch the most. I slowly moved my hands up to my heat, and started gently stimulating my clit, letting out a loud moan and I closed my eyes to revel in the sensation. I could feel myself getting close so I moved my fingers to my dripping entrance I pushed two fingers into myself, stretching around them. it stung slightly, but it does every time because I haven’t been dehymenated yet - haven’t lost my virginity.
I started quickly moving them in and out, getting so close. I tried to hold my impending orgasm off, to make the pleasure last. my whole body burned-a good burn- and shook as I came undone. pleasure washed over me and I was loudly moan-panting. I relaxed into the floor, feeling the stress of my day leaving my body. relief washed over me as I lay there, staring at the ceiling. my breath gradually slowed. I got up and cleaned myself off, wincing slightly from the light overstimulation. I reached for my shirt, bending over the counter, my ass in full view of the window, when all of the sudden I felt a prick on the back of my neck- almost as if someone was watching me.
I turn to look out my window, and see my neighbor, Bucky, sitting on his patio, staring at me, his hand wrapped around his massive c0ck. he threw his head back in pleasure before he noticed me looking at him. I watched wide-eyed as he finished himself off, the tip of his cock releasing a LOT of cum onto his hand and shirt. I was seriously surprised at how much cum there was. I took a male reproductive class in med school and that much semen shouldn’t have been possible. like seriously. he slowly tilted his head back toward me, eyes still closed in pleasure, he continued lazily stroking himself as he groaned.
he opened his eyes and looked at me again. he stopped pumping himself once he saw me staring at him, shocked; and maybe a little creeped out. he looked like a deer in the headlights - or maybe like a guy who was caught masturbating while watching his neighbor. he froze for a solid 5 seconds, staring at me in my eyes, hand still firmly gripping his length. I was frozen aswell, trying to grasp the situation. when I rushed to cover my body, he snapped out of it, basically tripping over himself trying to pull up his jeans and get back into his house. I quickly closed the curtains.
buckys POV
I immediately regretted it. she must think of me as an absolute creep. I just couldn’t control my urges. I don’t know when the last time I felt anything but misery. when I met her, she smiled at me. she didn’t look at me in fear, as most people do. my heart skipped in my chest the moment I saw her, and now I fucked up. I scared her. I presented myself like a perv. I was sitting on my patio, which just so happens to be facing her fucking house, right below her 2nd floor bathroom, when I saw her taking her clothes off. my blood went directly to my dick. I hadn’t had an erection since the ‘40s.
i couldn’t help but stare. she got into her shower, and the sight of the steaming water running down her back made me audibly groan. she covered her body covered in soap suds, rubbing herself down. I wished I could be the one feeling her body, worshipping her perfect curves, massaging her breasts. this woman is going to be the death of me. I started palming my aching cock through my jeans. she stepped out of the shower and grabbed something from a drawer in her bathroom. she laid down DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HER DAMN WINDOW, I was confused.
my breath hitched in my throat when she began running her small hands up and Down her body, I stared in disbelief as she started groping herself. then she started masturbating. right. in. front. of. me. well, she didn’t know I was watching her, but still. my cock was so hard at this point, it was leaking precum. the moment I freed it from my boxers, I breathed a sigh of relief. I don’t know why, I just needed the release. I started jerking myself off while she pleasured herself. damn it felt good. I hadn’t felt this good since before I went to war. my god. I was already embarrassingly close to cumming.
i noticed, by her body language, that she must be too. I held off temporarily, I wanted to watch her cum first. if I was having my way with her, I would force her to cum for me so many times before I even considered touching myself. I stopped my hand movements, my cock aching. I watched her arch her back violently, and her whole body tremble while she came. god I wish I could taste her. when I knew she was done, I resumed my movements.
I watched as she reached for something on her counter, giving me a full view of her ass and her cunt. it was from a distance, but luckily my sight is heightened from the super soldier serum. for the first time in my life, I was glad I was a super soldier. I was throbbing at this point. it my balls felt so full it almost hurt. I was painfully close to cumming.
I threw my head back in pleasure as my orgasm took over. I was groaning so loud, she probably heard me. my eyes were screwed shut, and my breath came heavy. I let my head go forward, still lazily jerking myself off, imagining having her in m my life. a smile crept onto my face as I imagined that. my hand and stomach were covered in cum. if it was up to me, I would make her lick it all off and swallow it. fuck she would look so good with my cum on her tongue, or dripping out of her pussy- or her ass. or her face and stomach, back, or breasts. my god. I’m going to hell.
I slowly opened my eyes and looked to see if she was still there. she was. and she was staring directly at me, her mouth slightly opened in shock. I froze, my hand still around my re-hardening dick. there had to be a solid five seconds of just straight staring at eachother. I must have said “fuck” a thousand times in my head. I snapped out of it when she rushed to cover herself, I shot up from my seat and pulled my pants up, stumbling into my house. I fell right on my face. it serves me right. I fucked up. I knew I had to go over there, but I didn’t want her to kill me either. I couldn’t believe that I was so stupid and creepy. for gods sakes I scared a poor, defenseless girl. and fucked up my only chance of getting to know her.
this was me ‘assimilating’ into modern society. Steve said moving here would help me. “listen, I know you are hesitant about being somewhere on your own, but listen man, you need to get away from the fight. you’ve made amends. go relax. retire.” Steve told me. Tony set this up “your neighbors are nothing if not normal. Phoenix stark- your next door neighbor - is a doctor. so if your old age catches up to you, she can help. your other next door neighbor, chase mcpeterson is insanely in love with her, but she either doesn’t care or doesn’t notice, so he probably won’t like you. I wouldn’t get in the middle of that.
my POV
a few hours had passed, and I tried to brush off what happened by making myself dinner, and pouring a small glass of sazerac rye 18 year old whisky. an alcohol with a “mellow spice, and dry sweetness”- okay maybe a bit more then a small glass- but hey, I was off tomorrow, and the rest of the week; I was on call, but I was assured there was a small chance I would actually be required. I downed that first glass, and poured another. I turned on some music while I started the water for the noodles.
“sexy drug” was blaring over my surround sound. no doubt my neighbors could hear, but I didn’t really care. one of my neighbors is deaf, the other one almost, and then there’s Bucky. I tried to forget about him, and earlier. no matter what I did, he kept invading my thoughts. I kept re-imagining what happened, and what I wish could happen. it’s no secret that my neighbor Bucky Barnes was annoyingly attractive. it pissed me off so much. when he would be working out on his deck or patio, or working on his cars, I couldn’t help but stare. come to think of it though, I had never even seen him without a long sleeve shirt, and gloves. and yet he had seen me completely bare, and seen me masturbating no less.
yea, while he had his head thrown back, I saw his dick, but that, and barely any of his upper thighs, is all I saw. but damn. his dick had to be a solid 10/11 inches AT LEAST, and damn thick. I wondered if I could even take him. I then told myself to shut up. when I finally snapped out of it, the water was boiling over. I just decided to order take out. it’s been a day. for what it’s worth, I got steak from a high end restaurant. better then the buttered noodles I was gonna make, that’s for sure. by this point, I’d had about 3-4 drinks, and was pretty tipsy. not quite drunk enough, just tipsy.
I was dancing around my living room vibing with the song I put on when I heard a pounding on my door. I walked over, and looked through the peep hole, I saw him standing there. I stood there, frozen. why was he here? what did he want?? “Phoenix, I’m sorry. I know you’re standing there. please just open the door and hear me out.” he said, snapping me out of my thoughts. damn. I forgot about the windows on either side of the door. I hesitantly unlocked the door and pulled it open. “listen, I-“ he stuttered when he noticed my shirt. ( I was dressed in a white crop top that said “orgasm donor”(see picture) and a pair of shorts that hardly covered my ass) suddenly I started laughing. I couldn’t stop laughing, this situation was just so weird. I glanced up at him and he was staring down at me sort of quizzically, a little amused, but mostly his eyes were filled with regret.
I felt a pang of guilt at being the one who made him feel that way, I shouldn’t, but I did. “come in! comeein!!” I said, slurring my words. he hesitantly stepped into my house. I stumbled into his chest and looked up at him with wide eyes. I pushed off of his chest and straightened myself. I turned off my music and took a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever stupid excuse he could possibly have. I walked behind him and closed the door. afterwards pacing to the kitchen table, I motioned for him to sit down and I went to put on a sweatshirt.
I could have sworn I saw his eyes darken in- anger? but that was likely just the light. I sat across from where he was seated, and looked at him, waiting for him to say something. “I-“ he began, cutting himself off “I’m an idiot and I’m sorry, Phoenix. I know that what I did was insane, disgusting, creepy- and I don’t know why I did it. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. really. I am. I’m surprised you let me in, if I was you I woulda slammed the door In my face.” he could probably tell I was a bit taken aback by his words so he said “I’ll go, I’m sorry about everything, and I won’t bother you again. I’ll make sure you never have to see me again.” he got up to leave, but I got up too.
“stop. are you gonna let me talk at all?” I said, he did, he went to sit back down. instead of just sitting, I went and grabbed him a glass. I poured him a generous amount, and topped off my glass. “I-uh- thank you… I wasn’t expecting that” he chuckled, and looked at me expectantly. I took a long swig of my drink before answering “Bucky, I know you- well sort of- but I’m good at reading people.
I know you’re not a bad person. I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” I said, he scoffed lightly “I’ve done things. I’m not a good-“ I cut him off “shut up. do you think I care? dude. I’ve done things too- terrible things. but I’ve made amends.” I ranted “why are you defending me when I was just a major peeping Tom?? I watched you when you were in a vulnerable state, and took advantage of that. why are you defending me?” he shook his head disbelievingly. I paused for a few moments, and downed my drink. i giggled “it was kinda hot” I kept laughing, looking him dead in the eyes. the alcoholwas giving me confidence, and a lack of a speech filter. “I mean,” I continued “when I saw you looking at me, I was like extremely turned on by it” I kept on giggling, and grabbed the bottle sitting next to me, taking a shot.
I hiccuped “well, for a second I was kinda confused, like what? me? and then I was a little creeped, but my second thought was ‘damn. he’s got I big dick’” I was like full on laughing right now, my eyes closed from the bliss the alcohol was giving me. “and then you came- cummed? came? orgasmed? Idontknow. and I was like seriously confused because there was so much of it! but damn it was sooo seggsy.” I was trying to catch my breath at this point, and reached for the bottle “I think you’ve had enough sweetheart” I sighed happily at the nickname “mmm say it again plesseeeee” I whined “no, I think it’s time for you to get some rest. or water. or both.” I frowned up at him “noo I donwanna.”
“Phoenix, you need to sober up, other wise you’ll feel sick” he reached for the bottle, but I grabbed it and took another long drink. “really?” he looked at me and took the bottle from me “heheh yeesss” I got off my chair and walked over to the speaker, and turned on ‘situations’ by escape the fate, and started singing loudly, and dancing around, well, the best I could anyway. “situationss are irrelevant noww, she loves the way that I tease, I love the way that she breathes. I touched her (ooh!) she touched my (ahh!) and that’s the craziest thing!”
I was prancing around my living room, and took off my sweatshirt, leaving me in the ‘orgasm donor’ tank top. “a certain girl she took my hand and ran ran it up her thigh! she licked her lips and pulled my hair, I fall in love for a night! she can’t behavee and I’m just a slavee” I was pointing at Bucky and smiling while singing, swaying my hips, and twirling around “I hate the ones who love to hate because they’re JUST like me” I pranced over to him “a certain girl she took her hand and and put in in my lap,” he was leaning on the table at this point, so I leaned into him and looked up at him innocently “”it’s way too full” she said “once you have me you’ll always come back”” I sang, staring up at him seductively. “she can’t behaveee and I’m just a slavvee! don’t worry, I’ll be gone when the morning comes.” I pranced away. I continued singing along until the song ended.
Bucky pov
She looked over to were I was, half-leaning on her kitchen table, staring at her hungrily, like she was the last thing i’d ever see. She walked over to me, but stumbling into me. She laid against me, her hands running up my chest, the smell of her arousal hitting my nose. “mmm stay withme tonight. I want you bumcky- hic- Bucky.” I grabbed her hands, careful with my left hand so she wouldn’t notice the difference, stopping them from wandering my body. “Phe, you need sleep. I’m not staying here tonight, you are not in your right mind right now.” I said softly.
I put her hands at her sides, and gently pushed her off my chest. “What!! Noo I want you?? Whywontyou give me what I want” she said, pouting. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. Where’s your room?” She took my hand and pulled me up the stairs. She opened a door and revealed her room. The bed was in the center of the room, with night stands on either side, despite her living alone. She laid down on the bed and beckoned me over “no. I’m not taking advantage of you again.” I said, barely able to restrain myself. I wanted to climb on top of her, and give her pleasure like she’s never felt before. I wanted to kiss her sweetly while I fucked her roughly, to tell her she’s mine. And only mine. I wanted to claim her as mine. To cum inside of her, and all over her. I wanted to suck and bite her soft skin, let everyone know she’s mine. I wanted to feel her stretch around my cock, my fingers, and tongue. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. Not when she can’t properly consent. She looked at me, all snuggled into her bed “please stay… I don’t wanna be alone please.” She reached her hand out “alright. I’ll stay. Where do you want me to sit?” I asked “Nono, if you’re staying, you’re laying down. There’s a whole other side of the bed.” She looked at me sleepily “okay, I’ll lay down, but just on the other side. Alright?” I say, laying down /damn this is a comfortable bed./ after a few minutes, she snuggled into me, I wanted to push her away, but she looked so peaceful while she was asleep.
My pov
I woke up to my pager going off, I was snuggled into his side, his arm holding my back. I got up quickly, trying my best to not wake him. I reached over to check my pager; it was for the ER. Some terrorist organization blew up a warehouse with both government workers, and civilians in it. I had to get there ASAP. I quickly threw on a more appropriate shirt and pants. I rushed to brush my hair and teeth, not bothering to put on makeup; people were dying. I ran down the stairs, grabbed a muffin from the pantry, I almost stopped to write a note, but my pager went off again, they hit another hospital, this one housed a VA. I put down the pen and ran to my car. I broke every speed limit from my house to the hospital. I could’ve sworn I saw the avengers jet fly by. This must be serious.
Buckys POV
I woke up to a cold and empty bed. I was surprised to find that she wasn’t there, considering it her house. Gotta say, this is the first time a girl has ever left her own house because of me. I saw a note on the counter, but it was blank. Weird. I looked out the window and saw Sam and Steve exiting my house. I ran up to them “what’s going on?” I said, my voice laced with worry. I’d hoped it didn’t have anything to do with her. “Well. It looks like someone had a fun night!” Sam said with a shit eating grin on his face “yeah. Not really, my neighbour was sick, so I helped her out.” They didn’t need to know what really happened “right…” Sam said chuckling “Sam.” Steve said, with warning in his voice. “Listen buck, I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you, we’ve been busy with tracking down a terrorist organisation. This morning, they hit a warehouse with civilians, then an hour later they attacked a hospital.” My heart dropped. “Which one?” I demanded “mercy veterans hospital.” Steve said, thank god. That’s not the one phoenix works at. “Buck. We need your help. I brought a suit that’s more fit for combat. We just need you to evacuate civilians and transport them to the hope general ER. We need you for this Bucky.” I immediately agreed. Anything to help. I got suited up, and noticed that my arm wasn’t covered. I knew phoenix worked at hope general, but I didn’t have time to worry about her seeing my arm. People were dying. Steve and I were in charge of searching the rubble for survivors, I wasn’t supposed to be in the fight. Something about PTSD. i couldn’t care less. As long as I can help.
My POV
captain freaking America. He dragged someone into my ER. Like, by the arm. This person was in rough shape so I ran up to him. I took the man’s pulse and looked at captain America “why did you drag him in here?! He needs help.” I demanded, wrenching my (now patients) arm out of his grasp. Two of my nurses lifted him into a wheelchair and away to a room. The captain tried to follow, I placed my hand on his chest firmly. “Yeah. I don’t think so. You’re not kin, so you’re not going back there. Talk to him when he’s discharged or get a warrant.” I said sternly “all due respect, he did this. He’s a terrorist.” He said, looking at me incredulously. “He’s a patient. My patient.” I turn to walk away but he grabs my arm. This gets the attention of my security, but I wave them off. “There are three-dozen people in my ER right now. If you have a problem, take it up with the specialists at the desk, and make an appointment. or come back with some injuries.” I say, looking at him, clearly challenging him.
He let go of my arm and apologized “I’m sorry, just please have someone keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t run.” “Do you have handcuffs?” I ask, he hands me a pair, and the keys “mkay. He’s not going anywhere. Captain” I said the last word teasingly and he smirked at me. I went to check on my patient, Dani already took his vitals, and started an IV. He was in pretty rough shape, had a ton of bruises forming, and pretty bad lacerations all over his body. If he really did plant a bomb, he didn’t get very far away from the blast. He may have been a terrorist, but it’s not my job to decide who lives and who dies.
It’s my job to help everyone. I threw the cuffs away, there’s no way I’m going to put handcuffs on a patient. I quickly went to examine him, his oxygen, blood pressure, and heart rate were all normal, but I was worried about internal bleeding. I called someone in to cut off his shirt so I could do an abdominal examination. I checked everything and determined he needed an MRI and X-RAY. Right as I exited the room, I heard a code blue. I went to run off to the room when someone called my name “doctor! Doctor stark!” I turned around and saw captain America walking towards me.
“Just a second! Someone’s dying!” I yelled “stop! There are other doctors! Someone’s dying out here!” I turned on my heel and ran to him “where?” He took off, and I followed him, falling a bit behind cuz he’s a super soldier. I saw who he meant. A teenage girl, trapped under a block of cement, likely the only thing holding her together. I hurried over there and took her pulse “it’s thready, but she has a pulse.” I checked her airway, nothing was blocking it. “Go get my portable kit! Second door on the left, combination 7718.” I examined her injuries while he dashed off to get my stuff.
“Steve? I’m not finding anyone els-“ said a familiar voice. I didn’t have time to figure out who it was “find me a scissors or a sharp knife and bring them to me!” Whoever it was slowly started walking towards me “oh for gods sakes! Hurry u- Bucky?!” I say, turning towards the man. I was greeted with the sight of my neighbor, in a leather super suit, and a metal arm. Well that explains some things. He offered me a knife, looking at the ground. Then the captain jogged up with my kit. “Your security tried to stop me, that’s why I took so long. Oh, hey buck. what’s up?”
I went to work on my patient, vaguely listening to their convo. “I’m not finding anyone else, there’s no more heat signatures, The dogs are coming up empty. I think we’ve cleared the rubble.” I cut her shirt off, and immediately noticed a deep laceration on her side, over the RLQ. I covered the wound in gauze, and continued examining her body. When I got to her legs, she woke up and began flailing, dislodging her legs from the rubble. Well, part of them. She lost both legs right about where the femoral artery is. She was quickly bleeding out. “What’s your name, honey?” I asked her. “Marcy, Marcy Taylor. My moms name is Becky” I looked at Steve and Bucky “go find her mom. I don’t know how long she has.” I mouthed that last part. I managed to bandage her legs, so the blood loss slowed.
Unfortunately, she’d already lost about a litre of blood, and the legs weren’t clotting “I- I have a DNR.” She coughed out “I don’t want you to save my life, I just want you to find my mom. I need to say goodbye.” Her mom began sprinting up, kneeling next to her dying daughter. They said their goodbyes, and the daughter passed away. I hugged the woman while she sobbed into my shoulder. “Do you have any other family? Anyone you can see? Who can help you?” I ask gently. “M-my s-son. He-he’s in room 2-229.” She stuttered, hyperventilating. I motioned for Steve to take her to him. They walked off, leaving me with Bucky alone. “Listen, phoenix, I’m sor-“ “we need to get her body to the coroner. Think you can handle that? I’ll send someone out.” I say, walking away “stop! Phe, please. I need to tel-“ I cut him off again. “We’ll talk later! For now, I have a job to do, and so do you barnes.” I didn’t even stop to look back.
I meant what I said, about having a job to do. The talking however, not so much. I planned on avoiding him from now on. Well that wouldn’t end up working out. I got back to the ER and went to check the board, only to not find my name. “Where’s my patient list?” I ask the head nurse. A voice from behind answers “you’re going home, dr.stark.” My boss told me “go home, rest, and come in next Tuesday. You’re not on call anymore, you need a break.” I was going to protest, but my body had other plans. I let out a weak “okay” before heading out the door to my car.
I cried the whole way home. I felt pathetic, but I just lost another patient, Bucky is an avenger, and I’m so tired I’d rather sleep than do anything else. But I couldn’t. I had stuff I needed to take care of first. I had to talk to Bucky, I told myself I wouldn’t, but even I knew that wasn’t gonna happen. I pulled into my driveway, seeing him already standing on my porch. I hit the steering wheel, and let out a defeated cry. I couldn’t get five seconds to decompress.
i stepped out of my car, and Bucky headed straight for me. “Phe, we need to talk. About yesterday, about last night, about today, and about everything. Please.” I walked past him, on the verge of tears again. He trailed me so close, I could smell his cologne. “Phoenix! Please!” He said, trying to get ahead of me, I just walked around him and pulled him with me when he tried to stop me. “If you wanna talk, we’re talking on my terms. I’m exhausted, frustrated, confused, angry, and so much more. Come inside and we can talk there.” We walked into my house and went upstairs “stay down here please. I need a minute.” While I was upstairs, I changed out of my scrubs, washed my face, and took a hydroxyzine.
I lay on the floor of my room for a few minutes, trying to destress. I walked downstairs after a few minutes, bucky was sitting at the table, wringing his hands. I sat across from him. “Talk. Give me one good reason I shouldn’t kick you out of my house right now.” I said refusing to make eye contact. “Phoenix, I’m sorry. I should’ve been up front about who I am, I just sort of hoped you either knew and didn’t care, or you wouldn’t find out. I didn’t want you to be afraid of me. I’m sorry” he said somberly. He was still in the suit from earlier. After a moment of silence he reached for my hand.
I let him take it. “I understand why you’re afraid. If you need me to go, I will. But if I can do anything to earn back your trust, I’ll do it.” I scoffed at that “what trust?! You watching me while I shower? Hiding the fact you’re a damn avenger? And oh, I don’t know, the fact you have a metal arm?!” I shouted at him. I yanked my hand from his grip. He gave me a look similar to a kicked puppy. “I forgive you for being a creep, and you didn’t even give me the damn decency to tell me who you are!? I mean, weve been “friends” (air quotes) for a few weeks. You slept in my bed, and yet you didn’t think that maybe, just maybe, the fact you are a damn super soldier, have a metal arm, or the fact that- I don’t know.
I shouldn’t need to give you more examples. Hell, I don’t even need to explain myself to you! I don’t know why I am.” I say, getting up from my seat and walking to the kitchen. “ya know, I thought you were this great – albiet secretive – guy. Well, I come to find out you get your rocks off watching women bathe. And- DAMN IT!” I yell that last part, accidentally slicing my hand open. “And I just can catch a single fucking break.” I finish, reaching for the paper towels. Bucky starts to walk over to me, but stops himself. I wrap the cut with a damp paper towel. It’s not too deep so just my makeshift bandage would be enough.
I start breaking down, tears streaming down my face- not from the pain, but from the stress. Bucky crossed the room quickly, wrapping his arms around me firmly. His touch sent shockwaves through my body, straight to my core. He was not expecting me to hug back, but also not letting me escape his embrace. I tensed up for a moment, but then relaxed in his arms, some of the stress melting away. My arms were pinned to my chest, so I just let him hold me, resting my forehead on his chest. “I’m sorry phe. I never meant to hurt you. and I’m so sorry that I did.” He said sincerely. I nuzzled my head into his chest, letting out a sob. He began petting my hair “I know, I know sweetheart.” He said comfortingly. He pulled me back by my arms “are you okay phoenix? I’m sorry for calling you sweetheart.”
I smiled up at him “I didn’t mind buck.” I smiled at him, a mischievous look in my eye. He looked down at me skeptically, so I went on “ya know, I meant what I said last night, and I really appreciate you not doing anything while I was intoxicated, but I’m not now…” I look at him with a glint in my eyes. He hesitantly reached for the sides of my face, gently tilting my head up, and placed his lips against mine. My eyes fluttered closed, savoring the kiss. He pulled away after a moment, attempting to read my reaction. In response to this, I threaded my hands through his hair, kissing him passionately.
He kissed back hungrily, his hands beginning to roam my body. He gripped my ass, making me gasp. He took advantage of that and slid his tongue into my mouth. He broke the kiss for just a moment to tell me “jump.” And continued kissing me. I hesitated, breaking away to ask “what? Are you sur-“ he slapped my ass “jump.” And for a moment, he looked concerned “was that okay?” I nodded, enjoying the slight pain. I jumped up and he caught me, wrapping my legs around him. I put my arms around his neck, stabilizing myself. He smiled up at me and carried me up the stairs easily, his hands gripping my thighs. He kicked my bedroom door open, shutting it behind us. He did all this while kissing me. he slowly laid me down on my bed, climbing over me. He moved me up to the pillows, his lips moving to my neck. He quickly found the spot that, I didn’t even know existed. I let out a moan when he sucked on the delicate skin. He pulled on the hem of my shirt, so I put my arms up, letting him take it off. I, in turn, did the same with his, in the moment he and I were separated, I admired his body, running my hands up his chest and down his arms- both of them. I looked up at him with nothing but trust. He began to tug off my pants, leaving me in just my undergarments. He went to continue, but I stopped him “buck, wait. Please” he looked at me worriedly
Bucky POV (short)
My heart dropped when she told me to stop. I had thought she was enjoying herself. I immediately felt like shit for misreading the situation.
My POV
“Buck, wait. Please.” He looked at me worriedly. “I-I’ve never done this before…” I said, unable to look him in the eyes. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. Do you want me to stop?” My eyes got wide “no! No, just please be gentle. I heard it hurts really bad, but I need you Bucky.” I say. “I’ll take care of you honey, I’ll make you feel good. Do you trust me?” I nodded, and he went to work removing my bra.
Bucky POV (short)
She’s a virgin. I thought she was going to tell me to stop, but she wants me to take her virginity. I was gonna make damn sure her first time was incredible, but that also meant that I need to hold back a bit. I couldn’t wait to have her begging for my cock, but that would have to wait.
My POV
He went to work removing my bra, massaging my breasts in a way I’d never done before. It felt amazing. He twisted one of my nipples, watching my face contort in a mixture of pain and pleasure. He took my other one into his mouth, sucking the sensitive nub. I moaned out, I was already so deep in pleasure and he’d hardly done anything. He trailed kisses down my abdomen, pulling my panties off when he got to my core. I shivered when the cold air hit my wet pussy. He kissed my clit, making me jump “wha-what are you doing?!” I asked, insanely confused “I’m gonna use my mouth sweetheart. Is that okay?” I nodded “do you trust me?” I nodded again. He ran his tongue up my clit, making me moan. He groaned at the taste of my arousal. He circled his tongue around my clit, and gently suckled on it. I threw my head back and moaned. I had never even imagined anything feeling this good. I felt the familiar burning sensation through my body and moaned out something close to “imgunnacum-“ then the best orgasm of my life washed over my body.
My legs were trembling, Bucky holding them in place. He didn’t stop. He kept eating me out like I was his last meal. I was shaking from the overstimulation, but he kept going. He kept going until I came again. After, he moved down to my entrance, and dipped his tongue inside of me. This I was not expecting. I clenched around his tongue, making him moan. He removed his mouth and replaced it with one of his fingers, gently pushing it inside of me. He mumbled something like “fuck you’re so damn tight.” I gasped at the intrusion, his fingers were longer than mine, and about twice as thick. He didn’t move it though, which surprised me “wha-“ he cut me off “let me know when you’re ready for me to move, baby”. I waited for a moment, and the sting gradually went down. “O-okay” I said, he slowly started pumping his finger, curling it slightly to caress the soft spot inside of me, yet another thing I didn’t know about.
I mewled at the sensation, swearing I was seeing stars. “Ohgod Bucky!” He smirked up at me, his eyes meeting mine “you like that baby? Hm?” I nodded. He continued pleasuring me, slowly adding another finger, stretching me out even more. Tears pricked at my eyes, it kinda hurt to be stretched like this. Noticing this, he went to work again with his mouth, giving kitten licks to my clit, taking it in his mouth and sucking. I threw my head back, distracted from the pain. I whined out his name as I came undone a third time “that’s it baby, let go for me.” He murmured. He climbed up by body, hesitantly putting his fingers to my mouth. I opened my mouth, sucking his fingers clean. “There you go, that’s my good girl.” I moaned, relishing the praise.
He stripped off his boxers, pumping himself a few times, spreading precum over the head of his dick. He’s even bigger than I thought. My eyes widened with anxiety. He looked at me, worry and anticipation laced his features. “Are you ready honey? This might hurt. Are you sure you want to do this? I will NOT be upset if you decide not to.” I looked at him “get inside me Bucky- just be careful please. I’m kinda scared.” He lined himself up with my entrance. Looking into my eyes, he slowly pressed the tip in, stretching me out. I gasped out at the sensation, making him stop. “You okay sweetheart?” I nodded and he continued easing in. I’ll be honest, it stung like hell. But I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. Getting to share this moment with him?incredible. I had my eyes screwed shut from the pain “look at me honey” I opened my eyes, wincing. He was only about four inches in at this point. With my silent consent, he continued. My eyes began to fill with tears as he tore my hymen.
He bent down and kissed the tears on my cheeks. This small romantic gesture filled my heart. It took a few more minutes before he was fully inside of me. He laid against my body, giving me time to adjust. Slowly, the pain began to melt into pleasure, the lines between the two blurring. I rocked my hips experimentally, moaning at the instant pleasure it gave me. I felt so incredibly full. He got back up “how do you feel honey?” He asked gruffly, clearly restraining himself “so… so full…” I whined. “Am I okay to move?”
I rocked my hips again, moaning even louder than before. “Yes” with that he pulled almost all the way out of me, and slowly thrust back in. I was being so loud I would’ve been worried about my neighbors hearing, except of course, one was deaf and the other was balls deep inside of me right now. He continued this pace, making out with me, kissing me sweetly. I broke away from him “buck- ah! Pl-please go- ohmygod! Fas-ter” I said, struggling to speak between moaning and panting. He happily obliged, moving his hips a little faster. He was stabilizing himself with his arms above my head.
I reached up for his left arm-the metal one- and placed it against my throat. His eyes got wide, and he squeezed my throat, testing my reaction. I loved the sensation it gave me, my moans growing louder and more frequent. He sped his pace even more, making me see stars. He reached his other hand down and began rubbing my clit. I came around his cock, his face buried in the crook of my neck. He was clearly close too, his thrusts becoming more sloppy and erratic. “Ohhfuck baby… god I’m Gonna cum. Where do you want me to-“ I cut him off, tugging on his hair “cum inside of me Bucky.” He hesitated for a moment, but then started thrusting harder and faster. He leaned down and kissed me, sweet and soft, while he came inside of me. I could feel his warm cum filling my pussy and leaking out. He continued thrusting slowly, riding out his orgasm. His body collapsed on top of mine, still buried deep inside me, the white fluid dripping out of my cunt.
“That was-“ I started, cutting myself off “wow.” Bucky finished. He rolled over, letting himself slide out of me, and gently picked me up, carrying me to the bathroom. He set me down on the counter, and grabbed a small towel, running it under warm water. He cleaned me up, then himself. He ran some warm water in my large bathtub, and set me in it. I was pretty much dazed and in shock over what just happened. “Sweetheart?” Bucky said, trying to snap me out of my daze. I hummed in response “do you have bubbles?” He blushed, seeing the fucked out expression on my face. “Ye-yeah, top shelf. I motioned for it. He dropped some in, causing the water to smell of lavender and bubble up. He slid in next to me, pulling me flush against his chest. “Are you okay, honey?” tilting my head up to meet his eyes, “perfect..” I mumbled. I snuggled closer to him, and began dozing off, consumed by the warmth of him, and the water while he started rubbing my back.
PLEASE let me know how this was!! Didn’t proofread so it might be terrible
#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#bucky fanfic#bucky x you#james bucky buchanan barnes#winter soldier#james buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#catws#marvel cinematic universe#marvel#avengers#mcu#marvel movies#marvel mcu#smut#female reader#kinktober 2023#fluff#kinktober#drabble#marvel smut#marvel imagine#marvel fanfiction#marvel x reader#mcu x reader#marvel fanfic#steve rogers
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Rather Not
So this idea came to me as I writing the part 2 for that DC/DP Ra’s Summoning the Ghost King/Twin Damian and Danny idea (still working on it, like 70% done with it) and my brain wondered off onto those ideas of ghosts not liking being asked how they died.
And then it came up with this and I wanna get it out before it takes over my mind.
Danny/Phantom is a rather chill ghost when it comes to humans/mortals
Even when they ask “How’d you die?”
He waves it off (with an nervous laugh) and tells puns instead or avoids it. BUT he did say the first time people asked not to ask a ghost that question, its very rude.
However he said it in such a teenager way no one really takes it too seriously (you know in a nonchalant way but is actually meant to be in “please don’t ask ghosts this, its rude and I’m serious”)
Some people think he doesn’t know or he died embarrassing and doesn't want to admit it
However cause Danny doesn’t get mad or defensive about it, people keep asking. (Bonus points if they also asked Dani who just shrugs and says she doesn’t know, she doesn’t know asking a ghost how they died is basically taboo/ highly insensitive because she was CLONED a Halfa not MADE naturally)
Eventually it all bubbles and spills from the constant asking
Maybe Danny was already dealing with a stressful day, from school to his parents to the random ghosts attacks, just everything has been bad and Danny isn’t in the best of moods.
So when some people come over to ask again, all smiles cause they think its a funny thing between Phantom and them, they aren’t ready.
The moment the words “No really Phantom, how’d you die?” the room suddenly feels like its below 0.
Its so cold ice is forming, the air is cold to the point living people can see their breathes and a chill and shiver run down everyone’s spine.
Then they notice Phantom.
Danny hadn’t turned around yet but they tell his body is stiff, hands clutched, his shoulders are tense and his hair is wisping even more than normal. Then he slowly turns and even a bone chilling shiver runs down everyone's spine whose watching.
His eyes are glowing, even more so than normal. They are neon and yet they call see the rage in them and because he’s floating just a tiny bit above, he’s looking down at them.
He’s hard frowning, and his eyes are narrow like he’s a second away from yelling at them. But he doesn’t.
Instead he speaks, calmly but everyone hear the hard yet haunting almost static tone in his voice. He wants to yell, scream, bellow his rage but instead he’s like the calm waves before a storm, their only warning, their last warning.
“I know I haven’t said much about this but I want you all to listen to me and listen well because I refuse to repeat myself on this. I told you all not to ask a ghost this question and yet you still tried with me.”
“I get it, I’m not like other ghosts who’d fly off the handle if you try asking them this but I have TOLD you not to ask and I am two seconds away from doing the same. Its not funny, its insensitive and nearly taboo to ask this question to a ghost. Even other ghosts don’t ask ghosts how they die, and most of time you get afterlife long enemies if you do while knowing this rule.”
“We ghosts are no longer bond by flesh, but we do remember pain. We ghost are basically echoing memories of emotions because of our core’s, our souls that are no longer in a body. We still feel pain even as ghosts, and when you ask a ghost how we die its like we relive that pain all over our bodies over and over. We HATE being reminded how we died.”
“So NEVER ask me how I died again... Because I’d rather not remember dying from full body electrocution.”
And just to drive the warning home, Danny allowed his body to show the Lichtenberg scars he kept hidden (head-canon, ghosts can show or hide their death marks at will, Danny always unknowing/subconsciously hid his until Clockwork mentioned it and showed him)
Due to his hazmat suit they can’t see all of it but the marks that crawl up nearly his entire neck and up his face only stopping below his eyes, his eyes still glowing with pure held back rage makes everyone flinch.
Once satisfied with the silence around him, Danny takes a breath and floats out of the room, the ice and cold fade along with him, he needed to calm down before he starts icing people.
No one asks him that question again.
#Danny Phantom#danny fenton#danny#fenton#phantom#Headcanon#don't ask ghosts#Danny is two seconds away from going feral#but he's holding it back#he gets his anger out later when Skulker and Vlad had teamed up#hello misplaced aggression#idea can be used#I just want angry Danny#let my boy let it out#kinda#he seems the type to warn people one last time#and accidentally mentioning how he died just to drive it home#its all fun and games until you piss Danny off#small side tangent as I write part 2 to that DC/DP thing I got going on
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What about reader proposing to Viktor? I’m so bad at requests I’m sorry lol <3
Not me taking two months to get back a request OOPS
I know this was for the five somethings prompts, but my brain is working in headcanon format rn im sorry
Viktor x gn!Reader (SFW)
-Neither you nor Viktor had ever expected to end up in a relationship, much less with each other. You’d met when you were merely students, and had been bitter rivals for years, before you’d drunkenly fallen into bed with one another after some fancy event you’d both been invited to.
-A drunken night during which time you admitted that you really didn’t understand why he hated you so much - didn’t understand what you’d done or how you’d offended him to warrant such a reaction.
-The days following had been awkward, before he’d finally singled you out and apologized for how he’d acted towards you. It would take a couple more years to get the reason behind his actions, but for the time being, you were sated by an apology (though you did also manage to get him to agree to dinner together).
-The rest was history. Your relationship had grown stronger from there; you became a force of nature when working together, constantly encouraging each other to learn and grow. There wasn’t a person at the academy who wasn’t aware of your ingenuity as a team, even if most of the student body had never met either of you.
-Eventually your schooling came to an end, though, and you went your separate ways…
-At least in terms of work.
-Viktor found a temporary job as Professor Heimerdinger’s assistant, and you started your career as a lab technician. Both of you were run dry by the end of every day, falling into your shared bed with groans and quiet complaints. You barely had the energy to tell each other about the kinds of nonsense you had to put up with - impossible tasks and hazing by coworkers, or having to sit and read through dozens of shoddy essays written by the first-years.
-You’re together almost three years by the time he starts a partnership with Jayce - four years when you finally quit your job to join their team - five years when you come into the lab one day, riddled with anxiety.
-Viktor is thankfully out for the afternoon, leaving just you and Jayce to finish up with the experiments you’d had planned. Jayce, though -brilliant as he is- did have a tendency to stray from the checklists you’d always lay out. Typically he’d find little things that you’d missed or not taken into account, or a test would go so awry that the prior plans needed to be scrapped and rewritten. But today?
-Today he was chatty.
-Even worse, he was chatty about you. Asking you why you looked so stressed all of a sudden, why you were fidgety, why you kept digging around in your pockets as if to check for something.
-You cared about him immensely, but sometimes you really hated that he was so observant.
- “You have to promise not to tell Viktor,” you whisper to him, glancing one last time at the door. Jayce nods quickly, and you pull a little box out of your pocket - wrapped in dark leather, small enough to fit in the palm of your hand.
-Jayce’s eyes go wide. “Is that what I think it is?” he asks.
- “Yeah. But!” you cut him off before he can start offering his congratulations, “I still need to ask him.”
-You open the tiny box, and observe the ring. Dark polished steel, without gems and subtle enough to not call attention. It doesn’t look like much at first glance, but up close it’s covered in intricate engravings and beautiful details that you know he’ll appreciate.
- “I made it myself,” you explain, “though getting his ring size was a pain in the ass. I never realized how lightly Viktor sleeps until I tried to wrap a string around him - it took me an entire week, Jayce. A week!”
-You sigh, and shut the box, shoving it back into your pocket. “I just…don’t know how to ask him. I want it to be personal, y’know? Private, intimate. We haven’t really talked about getting married, but…I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”
-Jayce’s eyes go wide, and you continue, “But what if we’re not on the same page? We’ve been together for so long that we can predict each other pretty well, but…I don’t know. I’m just nervous, I guess. It’s not every day that you get to ask your boyfriend to marry you, so it’s not like I’ve had any practice- what are you doing, Jayce?”
-The man in question is very urgently gesturing at you, a multitude of movements that you’re completely unable to comprehend.
- “I believe he’s trying to tell you to stop talking,” an amused voice comes from the doorway. “Granted that I’ve already heard most of your conversation, though, the action is moot.”
-You swivel around in your seat, eyes wide as saucers. You open your mouth to speak, hoping you can save yourself, but not a word comes.
-Jayce dips within a couple seconds, loudly proclaiming that he ‘forgot the thing at the place’ before all but running out of the room. Leaving you and Viktor. Alone.
-The silence stretches on for longer than you’d like, before you’re finally able to say anything.
- “This…isn’t how I wanted things to go,” you grumble, leaning back in your chair to stare at the ceiling. Viktor hums a quiet reply, and you listen to him amble across the room to take a seat in the chair that Jayce had recently vacated.
- “And how did you want it to go?” he asks, his tone carefully neutral.
-You roll your head sideways, breaking your gaze away from the tiles above you to instead stare at your boyfriend. “I don’t know,” you admit. “Maybe dinner at our favourite spot, or a night in together. Something quiet, that was just for us - I wanted to ask you without an audience, or without some grand show, because…because I know you don’t like that kind of thing. Plus, I love the moments we have together. Our quiet mornings and lazy evenings, our sleepless nights in the lab. That’s…what I want, for the rest of our lives.”
-You can feel the blood rushing to your face, threatening to set the tips of your ears on fire. “It’s corny, I know, but- Viktor, are you crying?”
-Much to your dismay, your boyfriend’s eyes have glossed over, and you can see a fat line of tears welling up behind his lashes. You’re upright in half a second, scooting closer to him until you’re able to take his face in your hands.
- “Don’t cry,” you murmur, tenderly wiping the damp tracks off his cheeks. “We don’t have to get married if you don’t want to - as long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter what-”
- “Ask me,” he interrupts.
-You pause.
- “Ask me,” he says again.
-You swallow thickly, but take a breath. “Viktor,” your voice is soft, “Will you marry me?”
-If his lips on yours in the next moment isn’t enough of an answer, then the breathless little ‘yes’ when you finally pull apart is. You carefully take his hand and slide the ring onto his finger, bringing his knuckles up so you can lay another soft kiss.
-It’s a perfect fit.
#viktor x reader#viktor arcane x reader#viktor headcanons#but not really#more of a bullet point story
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I love your Peepaw Philip AU but I’ve got a few questions that might or might not have already been answered. (Hopefully they haven’t, I don’t like being a parrot!)
How is the Emperor’s Coven operating? Is the Boiling Isles coven system self-efficient enough without Belos manning the helm?
Is Hunter freaking out about his missing uncle and trying to find him or has he been coerced into a better health schedule by some of the coven scouts (ie Steve) and possibly Darius and Eber and Raine?
Speaking of RED (lol, my little nickname for the three rebellion coven heads), are they investigating Belos’s disappearance?
And my last question - how’s Philip’s interaction with King and Amity? Those two I haven’t seen and loved comics/art of his interacting with them yet and I’m curious how that would all go over.
Hello! Firstly I'd like to apologize for taking a while to reply, I've been a bit busy irl lol. Secondly, it's all cool! I'm always happy to answer questions, and these ones haven't been asked yet (im??pretty sure?? I dont have a good memory pfft) so it's all good haha.
A little warning, both for mention of death (just like off handedly, treated as a possible result of the emperor going splat out the window), and also I'm gonna ramble A LOT, so this will probably be... very, very long. And filled with my bad humor since I cannot control myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. It's been only a week, maybe less, since I came up with this au so I dont have many solid ideas in place. Everything is open to interpretation!
I've actually been thinking over how the Emperor's Coven, and by extension the coven heads and the boisling isles itself, would react to Belos' predicament. I've written out a few scenarios, roughly plotted out some scenes that would go down between characters, but nothing's really set in stone. Here's what I have so far, but I honestly encourage people to have their own interpretation of what would go down if they wished :)!
So. Belos' epic fail (real not fake) (coven scouts called) via falling out a window was obviously witnessed by some scouts down the hallway, either that or they heard a loudass noise coupled with the Emperor swearing which was totally Not Good. One of the images I'd planned to draw later but didnt get to was one where there was a coven scout (STEVE!!!), Lilith, and Hunter all staring out of the window.
Now on one hand, the coven could come to the conclusion that the Emperor is dead (because who the hell can survive a fall that high + if the emperor survived he "totally would have come back as soon as he could" = emperor is dead oh crap). Hunter would VEHEMENTLY deny this ("He can't! There's no way that could happen!" Followed by him having a rough time of it poor guy).
Either that or they come to the conclusion that this was a kidnapping attempt or soemthing of the like and Belos is missing, which is just as bad. Hunter is still suspicious about that, because /who the hell could be able to kidnap Belos/? Obviously not a human teenager. Cough.
Either way, Lilith, as the head of the emperor's coven at the time (since its early season 1, right before the convention episode too), has to deal with... a lot of things, including dealing with other coven heads, the emperor's coven, and just trying to get things in order in the chaos that came from the emperor's sudden and tragic "death". Still on the fence about if someone in particular takes over his role or if all the coven heads work together (poorly btw they're gonna fight a lot over it), as well as if the general populace is informed about him "peacefully passing away from old age" or his "sudden disappearance" or whatever.
Anyways shes working herself to the bone. Shes got eyebags for days, plus the added stress of the dude who /PROMISED/ to cure her sister of her curse just up and vanishing to who knows where, so shes. Having a rough time.
Hunter is, as I said, not doing well!! In his mind Belos has always been this sort of... untouchable figure, you know? Nobody could hurt him. Now hes missing, and since Belos is his only "family", Hunter is determined to find him, wherever he is.
So then I had this scene written down where Lilith, still wanting a cure for her sister (plus some other things she needs for the coven itself), and Hunter, wanting a clue about his uncle's whereabouts, both decide to. Uh. Break into Belos' quarters and pilfer his shit.
Does he even have quarters canonically? Its so weird thinking of this dude like... legitly sleeping. Like in a BED. Either that or he sleeps on his throne ahdhshava just imagine that. Hes sitting on his throne all day listening to people with his mask on and hes not responding because hes completely OUT behind that thing ahagdhs.
Okay side tangent over. Basically Hunter is sneaking down the hallway, all sneaky like, and he stops by the door. He reaches out to open it, but before he could it opens to reveal lilith, carrying several books that had probably been banned from the public, and they're both staring at eachother.
"I wont tell if you wont."
"Deal."
A few other notes I had detailed a scenario in which Lilith and Hunter either a) work together to carry out the Emperor's will while he's gone (or presumed deceased) or b) investigating into what occured due to their own interests, which eventually winds up with them uncovering the mountain of wtf that the Emperor had hidden. In my notes I wrote down about them potentially meeting the collector because I thought'd it be funny to draw their reactions to them. Fun!
(Also the collector has been around Belos for a while now, just kinda stuck in place. What the hell is he gonna do when the only contact they've had with another person- albeit not a GOOD one, not by a long shot- suddenly disappears???)
As for RED (THATS WHAT THAT MEANT!!! I SAW IT BEFORE IN A FEW FICS AND I WAS SO CONFUSED AHFHSGWGAH ANYWAYS-) they probably get involved later on with this whole mess. At this point of time Raine isnt a coven head- unfortanutely, but they only become one in season 2, and since its season 1 it's up to Darius and Eber instead. I do contemplate if, in this state of chaos, Raine is promoted earlier on so that theres more stability or something,,, idk. I'm still not sure ^^;
Goodness but. This kid. Hunter needs some people to make sure he doesnt wear himself down to the bone just scouring the isles. Imagine if he arrives in places to investigate like RIGHT after Phil leaves the place, both none the wiser. Gah.
Honestly though, I think if anyone would be able to coerce this kid into sleeping a full night's sleep, it'd be Steve. Hes not involved with all this conspiracy-investigatory-drama stuff like all of the other responsible adults in Hunter's life, and he has big brother energy.
Okay, onto King and Amity: I- uh, I'm still figuring things out with these two. Amity is Lilith's personal apprentice (I'm pretty sure? At this point in time at least), and the au begins before her character development really kicks off, so I dont think its until later when she gets to meet Phil and also experiences deja vu "hey your voice is super familiar?" like Eda and Lilith. Just like RED, I'm not sure what to do with Amity yet, unfortunately. I'm open to suggestions/ideas though! :)
As for King, Phil is like... you know cat trees/perches? Yeah. That's what Phil is to King. Hes like an adequate Grandpa, he has some responsible instincts, but hes kind of reserved to being King's personal perch when he wants to feel tall.
Somewhere in my notes I also wrote down the following:
"King and Phil are mysterious origins buddies
King: maybe you were also a malevolent and terrifying (though not as terrifying as me) ruler like I once was?
Phil: hm... no, I dont feel like I would have been a very good ruler"
It was for something I wanted to draw but,,, yet again, I didn't get around to doing lol.
I hope that answers your questions! If you have anything else you might like to ask, or suggestions or things you want to talk about, feel free!
Thank you for your ask!! :D
#sorry if this comes off as incoherent my anxiety was just brain explodes today#not art#cyno ask#old man phil au
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ok so a bit of a story time
As many of you know I’ve been trying to get pregnant for some time now. I’ve been on this journey for a couple of years, from the first time I decided to do it alone to physical and mental checks to interviews with a social worker.
There’s only one clinic that does this in Iceland, and it’s aprox. 5 hours by car away from me. So the stress of realising your ovulating, getting an appointment at the clinic, getting a day off from your work, driving 5 hours and getting there before closing time is a lot.
I was told that with the age that I am and with how many eggs I’ve got that 4-5 tries were probably optimal, but starting with three was preferable. So I did that. I bought three straws of sperm for a whoooole lot of money. Then each try cost about 100k ISK + the cost of driving back and forth.
The first negative was horrendous. A slap in the face. I had my hopes all the way up only for them to come crashing down and that was on me. IUI’s only work 17% of the time and that’s not a lot. 17% is shockingly low.
The second time I went I had tapered my expectations but I still broke down crying at work when my period came. You’re always supposed to take a pregnancy test on the day the clinic told you (no matter if you get your period or not), but bleeding is a bad sign no matter what.
The last time i went was June 14th. There were no expectations. I had surrendered to the fact that it wasn’t gonna happen, at least not this time. Before I got inseminated I talked to the doctor about my options. She said that I could keep going, but the chances were low or that I could go with IVF.
I don’t think people, who haven’t had to go through this, understand how expensive it is. IVF is over 5x more expensive than a single IUI. And people don’t get how demoralising and heartbreaking this process is. And before anyone asks about adoption, I’ve talked about that on here before and it’s not an option.
I was genuinely living my life like I wasn’t pregnant. I had no symptoms, everything was the same as the other two times and I’d even talked so down on the whole thing that my mom didn’t believe me when I told her about my pregnancy on Monday. Hell, I got a freaking tattoo. That’s how absolutely positive I was about not being pregnant (I took a pregnancy test on Tuesday that came out negative).
I know some people think I’m dramatic and that I am using “pity to get attention” and “hysteric” (a word so misogynistic that i am ashamed for the person who called me that), but I am literally only sharing this with people who follow me. I TW every discussion about this journey so that people don’t have to read it. It’s a choice, one that people make for themselves. Anyways, this is not the point of this post.
The thing is, I wasn't even gonna take a test. I was supposed to do it Sunday morning but forgot, and then that night, when I was gonna put the test on the toilet seat to remind me, I found out that I'd actually lost it. So I debated with myself if I should even buy a new one, but I woke up Monday morning and decided to do it, especially since I have to report back to the clinic with the result. Didn't pee until I came back home, and, well, don't think I've cried so much in years as when I saw the "Pregnant" on the test. I was speechless. I’ll put the video down here. I was also really happy, but now all I feel is anxiety.
I don’t feel pregnant. I don’t have nausea, or tender breasts. Sure, my sense of smell seems to be heightened but is that just a placebo effect? Like, I got a positive pregnancy test and so I’m just making it up in my head that I have symptoms?
In fact, I’ve taken 6 pregnancy tests. Two on Monday and four yesterday. It’s probably excessive but I don’t know. I’ve been Googling stuff and reading about why you could get false positives. If you have cancer it’s possible (I don’t have cancer, at least not that I know). Also possible if you have an ectopic or chemical pregnancy.
Maybe you don’t get 6 positive tests if that’s the case? I don’t know, I’ve never been pregnant before. And I usually think about the worst scenario possible.
I’m just trying to be chill but I don’t think I can until my first doctors visit, which is in 19 days.
I’m 5 weeks along (apparently you start counting from the first day of your last period, did not know that). It’s not much but it’s more than I thought I’d ever get. I’m so grateful to everyone who has been with me on this journey, and I know it’s not over. There are 35 weeks to go and I realise that there are so many things that could go wrong. But I’m not gonna think about that. At least I’m gonna try not to think about it.
Also to the person who decided to come for me for being happy about something that had a 17% CHANCE OF HAPPENING, who decided to shame me and my feelings during my journey: I don’t know what’s going on with you. You’re clearly deeply unhappy and you should probably deal with that, go see a professional be it a therapist or a psychiatrist. You have no right to judge me, especially as someone who is too cowardly to do it without resulting to anonymity. I hope you one day get what you want but meanwhile you should protect your own peace, and stop reading things that trigger you and that includes my tumblr. But if you do come back on my page spewing vitriol and hate and being the disgusting person you were yesterday, I will not be wishing you any health or happiness. You reap what you sow and if you keep with that attitude your days will not be filled with love.
Please enjoy my ugly face realising I just got a positive.
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TW Emotional Abuse? Familial problems, general trauma, addiction, drugging, sa/hospitalization, very depressing
Hello I think I’m asking for advice mainly on how to escape my situation or even just support/resources. I currently live with my older sister who hasn’t ever really been close to me but instead has been more of a negative person in my life. I haven’t been able to stop crying rethinking the situation I’m in since it feels emotionally paralyzing.
My parents sort of forced her to take care of me at a young age so as a result she naturally hates me and is stuck with me as I am with her. After a long bout of traumas/fights etc from leaving our abusive household together we sort of were bonding since we understood each others pain and we kind of had to, our checks together were the only things stopping us from being homeless but still are which is why I’m really stressed out.
After we moved in together to our first apartment however my older brother had also been having issues at our parents so I let him come over whenever he felt like. He was doing meth and didn’t let me know but instead lied and said he was clean, eventually meth got into my system after he stayed for 2 days possibly when he let me try a cigarette for the first time or I’m not sure if he laced my weed but I ended up in the hospital for two weeks unaware of instead thinking I had finally broke my brain until I saw my hospital discharge papers. I was in psychosis for almost 2 years on and off going back into hospitals mainly because I became so suicidal I couldn’t take it anymore, I hardly remember the past 3 years of my life either because I didn’t create memories I loved or it was just so stressful my mind blocked it out.
What really halted my recovery was my sister letting my brother come back around after I came out of the hospital because she felt bad for him. She’d put up paintings he’d make while on meth on the kitchen wall and when I’d cry and ask her to take them down she’d basically make me feel guilty for feeling the way I did. This only made me worse and it’s taken 3 years for me to get back to a place mentally where I feel safe but the last time she let him over here was still a month ago, I just finally couldn’t take it anymore and told him to leave and not come back. She let him back in the next morning though but kicked him out when he inconvenienced her instead.
Earlier this year I tried going to a program called Job Corps because it was a free ticket out of the state but straight to a gov facility, at least they’d give me training for a trade certification and some needed skills, mainly a new environment. However my sister didn’t like the idea when I mentioned moving out or leaving for the year so now I’m just washing dishes for 14 an hour instead of studying like I wanted and need to. I try not to throw the term abuse around but it just feels emotionally damaging how i haveto live in her shadow all the time.
I’m scared of moving out not because of having to support myself but her being left with a financial mess, she also had told me that leaving would make things harder for her and just be “running away”. I’m in my early 20s and she’s 10 years older yet my job is what’s keeping us from being homeless I mention it just cause it’s weird she went to vacation a few days ago even though we’re broke and I give her most of my money when I get l paid, and even then she’ll get mad if I buy something she thinks I shouldn’t have.
I just constantly feel alone like I’ve never heard of someone being in this sort of situation so I’ve never heard of anyone being able to leave it behind either, I guess I’m mainly asking for hope after letting this all out I don’t really have any left but I’m trying, I appreciate it.
Hi anon,
I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Please know that you're not alone in experiencing this, and I have answered a few other asks from people in similar situations as well.
It's important to remember that while your sister may have some resentment over having to take care of you growing up, that doesn't explain or justify becoming abusive to you. It sounds like you have a complicated dynamic between your siblings. It seems that your sister feels pity for your brother and doesn't understand why he makes you uncomfortable, especially considering your hospital visit and suicidal thoughts.
It's not up to your sister to determine where you will work - you are your own self. It sounds like she is emotionally abusive and doesn't respect your autonomy, especially if it means moving out. It also sounds like she may be financially abusive as well considering that you give her most of your money when you get paid, and controls how you spend your money. Part of why your sister may be discouraging you from leaving is because it would mean that she can no longer take advantage of you.
Leaving this kind of situation is not simple or easy, but there are a few suggestions. While this resource is in reference to domestic violence cases, these tips on leaving an abusive situation can still apply. Here is a masterlist of international crisis lines you can contact, which may be able to help you get in touch with someone who can assist you in this process.
If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.
-Bun
#mod bun#trauma talks#tw abuse#tw emotional abuse#tw substance abuse#tw financial abuse#tw sa#tw child abuse
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1. Solstice again. Creeping from the still house into cool air, then a run to smooth waters where even the dogs and their walkers haven’t yet rambled. We swim in almost-silence for a while, like steady kayaks, with a chiffchaff serenading us and the last of the willow fluff dusting the surface of the water, fish occasionally glopping upwards to grab a passing insect.
Home to pick a posy for the table. I must not fall asleep as soon as I sit down. I fall asleep instantly.
2. This spring has been wonderful. Besides the puffs from the willows along the river, the chestnut trees drip sap onto the pavements so our shoes click with every pace, and the ducklings, goslings and cygnets gather around their beady-eyed parents. Dragonflies and damselflies drone over the river. Huge poppies have grown in the chaos of the garden, I assume where I threw the seeds from pavement poppies last summer, and bees roll around among the stamens like playing puppies. I drive past the supermarket and see several people tending to a horse in the neighbouring scrubland.
3. Have you finished Succession yet? This final series has been my favourite yet, for possibly obvious reasons — my stress levels were lower than my enjoyment levels for the very first time, so I could fully savour exactly how brilliant every single aspect is. Cast, crew, production, script — everything is perfect, and yet how hard to communicate why a programme about the world’s worst people is not just watchable but probably the best TV this year. This Vanity Fair clip with the director of the scene on Connor’s wedding boat is excellent and describes so well how TV like this is a kind of alchemy.
4. A brief sojourn to a foreign city, where the cathedral left me chilled but a record store was so exactly like the ones from my teens that I welled up and had to be pulled away. How do smells cut through all barriers and transform us so completely to our previous selves? I wanted to stay for hours and flick through every single album, and end up buying four, two I’d love immediately and two I’d hate, but would stick with because albums are never cheap, and the two that were harder work would become my favourites and stick deep in my brain forever. I thought myself too cool to be a Feeder fan at the time, but watching this video now I want to weep at how normal we all looked then, how clunky and average and awkward, how anyone who grew up in the 90s would recognise those bedrooms, that wallpaper, those lampshades, and how humans are so dumb to grieve things we didn’t even want at the time.
But sometimes, for brief moments, like when you are standing at the stove making lemon and courgette risotto and listening to Head Like a Hole at full volume, your teen self and the adult self you thought you might be meld perfectly and all is well with the world.
5. We read this book in bookclub recently, and I was struck at how we all struggled to verbalise our feelings about it. Was it good? Bad? Confusing? Funny? Unsettling? It was all and none, the live example of imagining a colour you’d never seen before. I was reminded of these two videos the algorithms had fed me, on Outsider Music and how audiences misunderstood the film of American Psycho when it first came out. Weirdness is so challenging, so aching and unsettling and new to brains which generally thrive on conformity and predictability. In the latter video, the film’s director Mary Herron says, ‘I have to always remind myself, sometimes I don’t get it, you know, when I first see something… particularly if it’s unfamiliar, it can be quite… there’s something uncomfortable or disturbing or it seems boring or like it does’t work, and it’s also because you’re just not attuned to it yet and it’s just sometimes you take time.’ Like those albums as a teen, the best, weirdest, most brain-engaging stuff often takes much longer to chew, but it’s almost always worth it.
6. (We also watched Mustang, which I recommend to literally everyone, although it does nothing to disprove my theory that all good woman- and girl-based films are secretly also horror films. But it’s brilliant, so please watch it if you haven’t already.)
7. I intend to make this tonight for the Solstice feast’s dessert. Happy summer, pals.
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Feelings when they first met - SHS (Spooky High Strippers)
~ don’t take that name so seriously— it’s their band name! to be fair, it came from a random generator and we just agreed on it.
so, how did the couples (not yet at first) feel when they first met?
Cherry Couple
oh boy. they did not get along at all at first.
mostly because lili was taller than damien. by a lot.
see, when someone is better at something than damien, even the tiniest achievement.. he doesn’t take so kindly.
“oh great. what did miss skyscraper over here do to get into this school? you ain’t half bad, for a overgrown noob.”
lili, having been the sole reason the entirety of SHS was expelled from their last school, was obviously not so keen on his attitude.
“alright, cherry boy, don’t get too rowdy now. i’ll have you know i’m a succubus, not a demon. did mommy or daddy not give you enough attention this morning?”
and oh dear god, did damien burst into absolute fury.
poor oz, nyx and polly stood and watched the maroon headed demon and the strawberry blonde succubus bicker, until a nearby teacher broke them up— which resulted in damien beating the piss out of them.. which also landed him in a detention (which he also bailed. what are they gonna do, give him another detention? spoiler alert, they did.)
needless to say, the two were not at all friendly for a while.
Calculated Matter
nyx loves everything to do with space, plants, dark matter (maybe because she too was made of it), etc.
so when they found calculester, a robot who had a love for organic life— especially succulents, she felt a sense of what you could consider tranquility.
“hello friend! i believe i haven’t learnt your name yet.. but by the way i had entered the room and you appeared to be taking such gentle care of this succulent, i had to come talk to you!”
this has obviously warmed nyx’s heart. what a sweet robot.
“oh well— yes.. this is my plant oyaka, i’ve had it for a while now.. yet i’ve been neglecting her lately, i haven’t had enough time to take care of it.
“perhaps i can be of help, friend?”
nyx had quite literally melted, almost into a puddle. they had only melted so much she had began to droop.
“ERROR: friend is dripping mysterious substance! do you need medical attention?!”
oh no, she was perfectly okay calculester— you were just too kind.
Apricott
as a small centaur, aput would love to run + race on the tracks, it was tradition for him.
so, when he found out spooky high had an entire field including a track, he was delighted.
aput met scott when he was running track once, it was an accident to be fair— it was a simple bump, yet scott was flat out on the floor, and aput had stressed until the werewolf woke up.
“thank god! i thought i killed you there!”
scott had laughed: “of course not! everything went black for a second so i’m fine!”
aput didn’t really see the logic or connection.
in fact, there wasn’t even one.
it all ended well at least, because aput and scott had raced a few times on the track until it was almost the last class of the day.
the score was 5 - 2, of aput to scott (aput let him win twice, he felt bad for winning so much).
Vampire Bites
well, liam and sanrio got on fine, but thaf wasn’t the most approving.
they had met in the library, sanrio was reading with thaf by his hand..
…and liam was posting on monstagram about how “mainstream” spooky high was.
at first, liam had initiated conversation because of a book sanrio was reading.. well, it wasn’t the most pg.. and it was about dragons.. so liam had to comment.
“well, i haven’t read it myself, but based on the reviews and the fact that it’s basically sold everywhere.. it’s good enough in my books. seeing you read it so easily makes it seem more.. appealing, i suppose.”
until a certain puppet’s voice chimed in.
“ohhh, so the vamp’s a perv, i get it!”
ultimately, liam became disgusted with thaf’s attitude.
sanrio apologised on his behalf.
“your puppet is… vulgar. i don’t know how that thing speaks for you.. i say get a new one.”
“don’t you dare replace me sanrio!”
sanrio shoved him into their bag and carried on with their day with liam.
fin.
(the image above depicts aput taking nyx, lili and sanrio for a joyride.)
art credits to @/sadratatouille on instagram
#monster prom#damien lavey#scott howl#monster prom calculester#calculester hewlett packard#liam de lioncourt#oc x character#self insert#group of ocs#imagine#monster prom imagines#spooky high strippers#monster camp#monster roadtrip#this game is so cute#i would love to find monster prom for the first time again#beautiful glitch#those awesome guys#its 2am#my first post#fanfiction#oc fic#fanfic#self inster x canon character#cute#lili and damien rivalry for a few#enemies to lovers fr#everyone else is strangers to friends to lovers#some tooth rotting fluff
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life update:
⭐️hi friends!! it's been a long time since i've posted anything but i noticed that in the time of my hiatus i accumulated quite a bit of followers so i wanted to reacquaint myself to u guys! // if you've been curious as to what i've been up to the last couple of months (omggg you're so nosy jk) here is an update
I got my license!! I'm on roads SKRRRT. I'm slowly getting confidence to drive alone to places but it's been fun having the freedom to go anywhere and know I always have the option to drive. ((I also bring around a small blue octopus plushy as a passenger on days I gotta travel by myself))
Along with getting my license, I've become more outgoing. I used to identify as a super introvert/homebody but now I actually enjoy going out and gotta do it at least once a week
I AM GRADUATING!!!!!!!!! The beginning and the middle of the semester was super hard because I was truly giving up. I had no motivation to do anything. I felt like I had no personal time and I didn’t know what to do. I was coming to peace with the idea of taking another semester or year of university. Spending time with my friends and just having talks about this stress gave me the strength to push myself. I'm the type of girl that tries again so I kept telling myself "it's not over til it's over" and tried my best until the end of the semester and I did it!!! Ya girl will be walking across a stage to get her diploma in JUNE eeeeee.
I learned to not just readjust but stand up for myself at my internship!!! Long story short: it was a messy place and I still stood my ground
I actually made some friends in my last semester of school!! idk if any of you remember but I was super nervous to go to school for the first time in two years, but I was grouped with people I really loved. We even went to an escape room together when the semester ended❤️ ((we made our projects weird as fuck but it made it sooo worth it))
I assistant directed and cowrote a music video for an up-and-coming artist with one of my closest friends. It was a surreal experience and done within a two week turnaround time and it was crazy but so fun
I finally feel comfortable with how I look. I maybe even feel beautiful. I got a super bad haircut in February and its grown to a decent length now and I've learned to do my makeup in a way I think really complements my face. I still haven’t dyed my hair red yet but it is coming I promise
I had yet another talking stage that didn't end in a relationship and I'm okay!! LMAO HE WAS A SELF-PROCLAIMED "recovering fuckboy" AND I AM A GIRL WITH COMMITMENT ISSUES SOMEONE PLS WRITE THIS FAN FICTION. But in all seriousness we both knew this about each other and we tried and nothing came out of it. Truly honestly this made me realize that I was trying to fill a void that has never made me happy in the first place. Like irl men have only caused me pain and stress. So I've refocused and poured all my time in hanging out with my friends and family and I have never been happier.
that's all for now. i would really love to write some more bc i miss being creative and the community that came with it. i missed you guys a lot. if you guys have life updates of your own i'd love to hear it <3
#about me i guess#life update eeee#may is my favourite month#thank you for reading if you got to the whole thing#ALSO GOT7 COMING BACK? may is so good
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I have thought about how and what I would write this text for a very long time now (months, honestly), and yet I’m now sitting here staring at my keyboard without having any idea how to even begin.
Now, this is a longer version of a previous, more straight forward post, which you probably got here from. If not, well, this is basically a letter(?) of what has been going on in my life ever since 2022, when I vanished from this website. I didn’t get into specific details because that would make this post unnecessarily long, and also there’s very personal information in all of it. You understand.
I’m sorry if my paragraphs don’t make much sense. I was stuck in the beginning, but then as I started writing, all just came to me and I just kept writing without paying attention to coherence.
Well, here we go.
2022 wasn’t easy. Good things happened, but I was down, and I only realized, or, better yet, accepted how down I was by the end of 2023. It’s been a long journey – longer mentally than it’s been in actual time. To me, it felt like 2023 was, at the very least, two years long. 2022 seems to have happened such a long time ago, and also seemed to last for longer than 12 months.
I started my post grad by the very end of 2022, in the area that I’ve always dreamed of working, and while I am very happy with it and I like the things I’ve studied so far, it has come with a lot of issues. Not only the regular struggles of a student, but also issues with the institute. Me and my classmates have been dealing with a lot of problems with the school we’re in for several months now, and this has been draining a lot of my energy and leaving me with quite a bad humor (there might even be a lawsuit – yes, it’s that bad).
Now, the regular stress of being in a university, along with unnecessary problems AND figuring out things about myself has left me in a state of constant tiredness. Around August of last year, I began to feel exhausted. And by October-November, I was so overtaken by exhaustion that I just accepted any fate that came my way, no matter how bad it was. I was sure that I was gonna fail my last three classes of the year. How I didn’t, I honestly do not know.
I stopped doing the things that I like. I barely watched any movies or series. I didn’t read for fun. I don’t know when was the last time I drew something. I only wrote academic texts. I gave up on any ideas I had before I even started them. I closed myself to the world and lost contact to many people I know, dear friends even. I haven’t been passionate about anything in over a year and I miss that. I miss that so much.
Also, by the end of 2022, I had a health issue that led to a drastic body change, and of course everyone just had to make all kinds of comments on how I looked and compare me to how I used to look – and even make some jokes about it. It happened absurdly fast, and I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I stopped doing my makeup (a therapy to me), and I avoided taking photos at all costs (and hated and deleted the ones I did take).
Last but no least, I spent more than half the year broke. Paycheck to paycheck. I only got to breath again this very month. It was actually surprising how something that required a great amount of money happened every month, I could barely save a single buck. That alone is enough to mess up with your head and increase stress to off-world levels.
Although a lot of stuff that happened have a root in 2022, this was all in 2023. 2022 was a case apart, and I might make a post talking about it, but, honestly? It’ll more like a vent, a dump on everything that happened, than anything else. I don’t want, much less expect, to make people feel sad about my life or any other dramatic act like that.
Well, moving on!
Now, as I said, good things happened in 2023 as well, and I’m not going to focus on the bad ones only. So here’s a list of good (and great) things/things that made me happy last year (in no specific, much less chronological order):
I was finally studying what I wanted to;
I began taking Italian classes, met very nice people, and became friends with the teacher, an amazing person;
I got my first job!!! (as an English teacher/tutor)
I had the chance to see one of my all-time favorite bands live;
To see that band, I traveled to a city I’d been to 10 years prior and always dreamed of going back.
It was in the neighboring country, so international traveling I guess(?) (you might be thinking “But Ana, how were you able to do that if you had money problems?” Well, I had saved money for this event alone and never touched it, and my money problems started after I came back home);
I joined a group of fans so I wasn’t alone at the concert and made friends with many people there;
Had a weird fling with one of them actually (weird not as in bad, but as in complicated. Story for some time else);
Lowered the posology of my medicines three times!!!;
Barbenheimer!;
Went to my first ever stand-up comedy show and it was pretty fun. Went to others after that;
Left my job – it was stressing me out with, again, unnecessary, easy to solve problems. Leaving was the best decision to make for the sake of my already weakened mental health;
Became a private teacher;
Went to a concert of an artist I grew up listening to and admiring (also the ticket was a gift!);
Didn’t flunk any classes.
That’s all I can think of so far. I might add more to this post as I remember things or as some of you ask me about.
Also, I’ll start writing my final article very soon, and that’s gonna be a whole new rollercoaster. But that’s something for future Ana to worry about. No point crying over not-yet-spilled milk.
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