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writingsofmax · 2 years

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Disarm pt. 5

Words: 3,161

Story Summary: Edward and Y/N's relationship slowly blossoms and Edward tries to reckon with his feelings about it.

Tags: slowburn, chronically ill reader, anti-social Edward, emotional distress, heart to heart, angst, hurt/comfort, online stalking

warnings: emotional distress, panic attack symptoms, canon-typical description of orphanage environment and child death, online stalking

Part one

Chapter 5- Down With Secrets I Can't Keep

When Edward had gotten home after the park outing, he felt agitated, like his world was a little off-kilter. He took a quick shower, made some coffee, and sat down at his laptop to compile financial documents for his latest info leak to his followers. Despite all of this, Y/N would still drift into his mind. He would be typing up his manifesto and then his next thought would be about what Y/N would think if she was reading it. He would be writing detailed schedules in his ledger for his plans and then write anagrams of her name in the margins. It frustrated him to no end. He could not get her out of his mind.

Before, focusing on the Renewal Plan had been easy. He would just think about his life, how he had been treated and focus on the hate he felt. It led him to an almost trance-like state where he could focus for hours and hours on end. Sometimes he didn’t even remember filling out entire sections of his ledgers, but they would be full of his writing the next day, his hands smeared with ink.

Now, it was more difficult because thoughts of Y/N would break his concentration.

Whenever he got really distracted and couldn’t refocus on the Renewal plan at all, he would give in and text her. Usually it was just a riddle because he didn’t know what else to say, but she would always answer. Then the conversations would flow more naturally when she would text back. This eventually led to them meeting and talking regularly. They talked about politics, about Gotham, about how, as Y/N put it, “how bad things are in the world” and what they would do to change it. I am going to change it. So soon now. I am going to recreate Gotham from the ground up. After a few weeks, he even told her about what he had found with the Renewal Fund. She had been furious at the Mayor and Falcone, and then scared.

“Edward, you know what they do to whistleblowers.” she whispered, a concerned look in her eyes. Edward giggled at her naivety, “I’m obviously not going to let them trace it back to me, I’m not stupid. I make sure to reroute the website through multiple servers and…” Edward continued on about firewalls, and multiple proxies and unbreakable ciphers, and then stopped when he realized he was getting into one of his trance-like moods again. Y/N had smiled as she pushed her hair from her face, “I sometimes forget how smart you are.”

He started asking how she was feeling. That was strange for him, he had actively tried his whole life not to care about other people, but he often found himself thinking––no, worried––about how she was.

He had even created a separate ledger just for her. The front cover was an anagram of her name and inside were detailed accounts of everything they talked about, a daily log of how she was feeling, her symptoms and any other information about her health that he could compile: doctor’s names and numbers, medications and pharmacies.

When she had mentioned her doctor's appointments to him in passing, he found her patient login later that night. I should really tell Y/N to get two-factor encryption, this was way too easy for me to get into, he had thought. From there, he got her medical history, recorded it, and filed it away. He didn’t want her information to be lost when he flooded Gotham. If Gotham wasn’t going to take care of her, he could.

He tried his best not to question why he was doing this. Self-introspection had never led him anywhere good in the past. There had been so many nights as a child that he had spent thinking: Why me? Why didn’t my parents want me? What’s wrong with me? Why, why, why, why, why.. These questions, unlike riddles and puzzles and equations, didn't have a clear knowable answer so he stopped thinking about them. He stopped questioning why he did anything at all, really.

He just decided that it was because she was a kindred spirit, a comrade. He was going to make sure that no one would ever have to be treated like he was, or she was ever again. He would make sure that both of them were taken care of in his new Gotham. That was all it meant.

And anyway, he did enjoy the companionship. It wasn’t something that he had ever had before, so it was still uncomfortable sometimes, but he deduced that the positives outweighed the negatives.

His plans were coming along quickly now. He had the information he needed, the pictures, and a dedicated following online. Thank you to Y/N for being good public speaking practice. He had even come up with a name for his persona.

Edward Nashton didn’t quite fit. He had hated his last name, courtesy of the parents that had abandoned him. And everyone who knew him by his name didn’t think of him as a vigilante… A bringer of justice. No, everyone who knew Edward Nashton saw him as a strange, quiet, unremarkable fellow. Hm. I guess not everyone. He thought as he worked on Y/N’s ledger.

Actually, Y/N had been quite helpful with his cause so far. She had started keeping an eye out on the comings and goings of the police in the park and reported what she saw to Edward, helping him compile information. She was also able to watch the news when Edward was at work and tell him what was being reported on, and how Wayne Enterprises and the Gotham PD were being construed to the public.

It was her that had helped him come up with his name: The Riddler.

“I have a question,” Y/N had asked, peering at him over a cup of tea.

“I have an answer,” Edward smirked, filling out a crossword.

“Why do you always text me riddles?” she asked, giving him a curious look. She stirred her tea before taking a sip.

“I just like them.” Edward paused ever so slightly while writing, before filling out the rest of the boxes.

“There has to be more to it than that,” Y/N complained exasperatedly.

Edward put his pen down and looked at her. “I don’t like talking about myself.”

“Edward, I hardly know anything about you, but I feel like you know everything about me! You won’t even tell me why you like riddles so much,” she whined.

I do know everything about you, Edward thought.

“Come on, open up a little,” she prodded, pointing at him with her spoon.

“Fine.” Edward let out a frustrated exhale. “So. When I was younger I had… a rough time.” Edward clasped his fingers together in his lap tightly. “And…my…” he trailed off, picking up his pen again. “I’m sorry, can we walk around a bit while I talk about this? I don’t want to talk about it here.”

Y/N motioned to the waitress to bring the bill over. “Of course… whatever you need, Eddie.”

Eddie. She’s never called me that before, no one has, Edward mused while waiting for her outside. Edward didn’t really like nicknames, but the way she had said it made it tolerable, he supposed. Maybe a little enjoyable. At least it’s not Ed-weird.

Y/N met him outside and they walked as he continued. “My home life wasn’t the best, so I needed something to distract me.” He was hating every second of this conversation. Being vulnerable around others wasn’t exactly one of his strengths.

“I couldn’t figure out why things were so hard for me, and to stop thinking about that I came up with games. Rhyming words, coming up with anagrams, thinking of dual meanings of words. After that I got into riddles,” his pace quickened.

A memory surfaced of the grimy book of riddles he had found in one of the forgotten rooms of the orphanage. He would pull it out from under his bed at night to read. He had always kept it hidden because it was against the rules to keep any personal belongings. He had read that book cover to cover to keep his mind off the cold and hunger. He had mastered all the riddles inside pretty quickly.

“They gave me something to focus on and it came really easily to me.”

“E-Eddie hold on a second, you’re walking so fast.” Y/N had stopped a few paces behind him to catch her breath.

Eddie again. He stopped and walked back towards Y/N. He hesitated for a moment before offering her his hand to stand back up. She took it and he felt his head go a little fuzzy. Quickly letting go, he stammered, “Sorry about that. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“It’s okay,” Y/N replied, catching her breath, looking up at him and giving him an apologetic smile. Edward wondered how he hadn’t noticed how pleasant her smile was before.

“Thanks for telling me that. It’s nice to know about you.”

Edward felt nervous and he didn’t like being nervous so decided to change the subject.

“Anyway, why are you calling me Eddie now?” he asked with a pointed look.

Y/N looked up at him amused. “Oh, I’m sorry, would you prefer I call you Riddler?” she teased.

Edward scowled outwardly but felt butterflies in his stomach. “Eddie is fine, I guess.”

—-—————————————————————-

Edward looked up at the clock on his desk. It was close to 5:00, when Y/N said she would be over.

He had tried to keep her away from his apartment as long as possible but it had been getting difficult to keep coming up with excuses. He had moved his traps to storage, taken down some of the postings on his wall, and had hidden the Riddler backsplash curtain he had made for his streams.

He was thankful he didn’t have to move all of the Renewal information from his wall since Y/N was helping him with it now. The way he laid out and understood the information was spatial, and moving it around well… it disturbed things. It was fine though, he could always put it up again later if it meant maintaining his relationship with Y/N.

He anxiously checked each room in his apartment making sure there was nothing out that would give him away to Y/N. Sure she knew about the Renewal fund and the information he had but she didn’t really know about the true extent of his plans and he wanted to keep it that way.

A knock at the door interrupted Edward’s thoughts. He scanned the room one more time grabbing Y/N’s ledger and tossing it under the couch last minute before opening the door.

“Hey, Eddie,” Y/N gushed excitedly. She always seemed so happy whenever he saw her.

“Hello,” Edward replied, looking down at her from across the doorway.

“So this is where you live!” she remarked, looking around the hallway of the old building. “I didn’t realize you lived so close to the diner. That must be nice.”

Edward shifted his weight against the doorframe and looked out the hallway window. “Yeah, I guess it is. Never really thought about that.”

“So, uh… you gonna’ let me in?” Y/N asked, trying to look past his tall frame into the apartment.

Edward braced himself internally and stepped to the side awkwardly. “Come in.”

Y/N walked in, immediately being drawn to the Renewal wall. Her eyes widened at the photos and articles that were tacked up. “Oh wow, you’ve really tracked everything out.” She was quiet as she continued looking.

Edward waited for her to make some quick excuse to leave and then never speak to him again.

“This is really impressive!” she remarked, moving over to the window. “A very nice view.” The next second she was in the kitchen and Edward heard her say “gas stove.”

He wasn’t sure who she was talking to, but felt himself grow concerned as she moved to the hallway and bathroom. His apartment was his personal space. He had to share spaces all of his life, first at the orphanage and then in college. This apartment had been the first time that he could have his own area. It was putting him on edge that she was looking through everything, he didn’t want her finding anything that she shouldn’t see.

“Y/N,” he called, “Come back out here!” he sounded more nervous than he had meant to. Y/N popped back out into the living room. “This is nice!”

“Yes. It’s an apartment. Have you seen everything you needed to see?” he asked, rolling his eyes.

Y/N didn’t notice. “Yeah!” She plopped down on his couch and pulled a book from her bag.

Edward felt relieved that she had stopped looking around so much. He pulled a book from his shelf and sat next to her on the couch, opening it to where he left off. They did this sometimes, just hung out together and read or Edward would work on puzzles or write. That was usually on days like today where they would hang out after Edward got off work. They didn’t always have to talk about things. That overwhelmed him anyway––this was nicer. It was comfortable.

After a while, Y/N got up to stretch and walked over to the Renewal wall. Edward glanced at her over the pages of his book and then went back to reading.

“Hey, Eddie?” she asked, leaning in to inspect something. “Is that… you?”

Shit shit shit. He had missed one picture of him from his orphanage days.

“I would have never guessed you were in choir!” she grinned, and looked closer. “Wait...” her face fell. “Is this from the orphanage..?”

She looked at Edward for understanding.

“Eddie, were you in the—”

“Yes.” Why did I leave that up there? Edward felt like his apartment was too hot. He stood up, trying to get some air.

She looked shocked. “You lived there?”

“Yes,” he answered so quietly that Y/N almost didn’t hear it.

“For how long?” she turned away from the wall, trying to read Edward’s expression with a dismayed look. Edward let out a shaky exhale. “If you must know. I… I grew up at the um,” he cleared his throat. “Gotham Orphanage… I had been left there as a baby. It was hell.” He was quiet for a long time, gathering his thoughts.

Y/N broke the silence by speaking quietly, “I used to follow what went on there. I heard the stories… They seemed like they couldn’t possibly be true but they were. I… I remember volunteering there in high school, and you could tell how hastily they tried to cover up what it was really like there.”

She sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to her, offering for Edward to come sit. Edward sat down, trying to get ahold of his emotions. This was all so sudden and unprepared for––he felt like he was drowning.

Y/N rubbed her hands together nervously. “Back when the orphanage burned down, it was obviously terrible—I’m not saying that it wasn’t, but I remember finding myself a little… relieved.” She snuck a glance at Edward before continuing. “Because Gotham would be forced to build new facilities for them.”

Edward continued to say nothing, just sat staring straight forward, his expression unreadable.

“I can understand why you care so much about the renewal fund now. Not that it didn’t make sense before but… you were affected directly. What was it like growing up there? I can’t even imagine,” Y/N murmured, her eyes downcast. “Yeah it was… awful,” Edward answered, surprising himself. He could feel his hands shaking. “I saw kids die there, you know? I…” Edward drifted off. He had never spoken about his experiences out loud with someone, and the emotions that were coming up were intense

“It was always cold and damp. There were rats that would crawl on you while you were sleeping. There was never enough food for everyone. In the beginning I tried to help. I did try,” he swallowed, “But it was useless. I couldn’t save any of them. After a while, I found that it was easier to just….” He waved his hand. “Not get involved with people. To shut off the empathy and the sympathy. Stop thinking about what’s happening to everyone around you and focus on surviving yourself, you know?”

He knew he was gripping the couch so hard it hurt, but he was afraid to let go––his emotions threatening to become uncontrollable. He had a vision of wounds on his hands, stigmata open and bleeding. “Eddie, you were just a kid. That shouldn’t have been on you.” Her voice sounded so sweet, pulling him through.

Edward noticed that Y/N was blinking back tears. “You should have never been put through any of that. Okay?” She reached over and took one of his hands, gently unclenching his fingers before holding them securely between both of her hands. “I’m going to do everything I can to help you with this. We’re going to expose the renewal fund together,” she whispered, voice choked with emotion.

In that moment, Edward felt like he was being seen for the first time in his life, the dark waters of his mind cleared.

Her touch on his hands felt like being saved.

She rubbed the top of his hand with her thumbs gently. Her eyes were so inviting, so much better than the dark memories that threatened to overwhelm him. As she moved closer on the couch, Edward’s throat felt dry. His heartbeat felt like it was skipping––he needed air. He stood up quickly, startling Y/N. “It’s um––” he moved to the door. “It’s getting late. I’m tired.” He looked back over at Y/N who was still on the couch. “I have work tomorrow so…” Y/N started getting up. “I can take you home.” Her expression was unreadable to him. “Yeah, Edward…” she stood awkwardly beside the couch. “Of course. I’m ready to go whenever,” she finished, grabbing her things.

Edward held the door open for her, and locked it behind the two of them. It still wasn’t any easier to breathe. His mind was spinning, he thought that back on the couch that he had wanted to…. No. Don’t go there. Not now. He rested his forehead against the cool of the door, closing his eyes, willing the world to stop spinning for a second.

“Edward, you okay? You ready?” Y/N called from down the hall.

“Y-yeah!” Edward shouted back. He shook his head forcing himself to stop thinking about it.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” he whispered to himself.

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gwydionmisha · 9 months

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how do you keep up with all these articles and websites? With twitter being down the shitter, and tumblr recycling month old posts, i havent been able to find a good central news source. I figured I could use RSS feeds, but these sites post SOOOO frequently that I find it overwhelming. any advice?

it's an eclectic process. I watch some TV news which gives me a heads up on things happening. So does dreamwidth and tumblr and friends with different areas of interests that will let me know about things happening in the areas they watch or in their countries. I also watch a couple of other progressive aggregators with sort of Venn diagram interest areas with mine. So some stuff over laps with things I already read, but there are more things I wouldn't have spotted on my own that are important and/or interesting. I also have a bunch of searches I do for longer running things, and things I'll do a random periodic search on to check in with ongoing situations that mostly fell out of the English language news cycle.

I started out doing history articles and archeology news, that sort of thing. Then there was a little commentary. Then Us politics went completely berserk and I ran out of time to properly read and post breaking news, let alone the things i still care about but are so much less world on fire. I try to squeeze some in at the edges never theless.

It helps that I read stupid fast with a high comprehension rate. also, I'm disabled and don't work, so I have time other people don't have, even working at whatever pace my body is up for that day. I can just go lie down if need to. I don't have to force myself to type much if my arm is completely fucked that day. Most people have a whole lot of time sucked into working and commuting. Most aggregators are working to some sort of schedule if only self imposed.

A lot of why my out put rate is so uneven from day to day is some days I am too busy or ill. Some days I do a ton of reading and prepping, but am too ill or tired or in pain and can't post much of it. The massive output Sunday evening was an example of the opposite thing, where I hadn't time to read, but I had a ton of links read and preorganized, so I could toss them onto the dreamwith scaffold and post them very fast at the same time on Tumblr, so I gnawed through some of my backlog pile.

(I post a sorted aggregate on dreamwidth once or twice a week at https://gwydion.dreamwidth.org/. Tumblr they mostly go up in batches).

I am doing this on the most basic level out of love. I love learning stuff, hence my origins over on livejournal before the Russians got it, sharing links to articles about cool things people dug up. I grew up in a political family. I've been watching politics since the Ford/Carter debates. I do care about the world. I want things to be better. I can't march. I can signal boost, and write, and share links, and call politicians to complain about stuff. It means a lot to me when people I don't know look at what I do and it helps them in some way.

I would be reading news regardless. I learned at the age of eight that when confronted with horrors, that for me personally, I do best if I study the enemy. This allowed me to work out how best to resist and survive. all these decades later, my survival strategy dishes up news links organized in anxiety friendly ways on dreamwidth, and in the more chaotic but blacklistable form here on tumblr. I'm anal retentive about news tagging to help the people who aren't here for that or who aren't up to staring directly into the void with me and drinking from the news fire hose. I never even expect my closest friends to read all my output, because my volume is rather excessive.

Don't feel bad if you aren't up to it, some days or weeks or months. My adaptation is wildly atypical and for most people this would be unhealthy.

If the news is too much, it's okay to take a mental health break. I do ask that you vote, because we need everyone, regardless of country to save the world. The news will still be there when you are up to it

Any aggregate has a bias, both selection, and the other kind. there are things i don't cover because I don't know they are happening or because there isn't time. There are a whole lot of other things that I don't or barely cover because they aren't good for me. it is so much harder to see absence than presence.

My best advice to you, is to find someone like me who gets a lot of the things you are interested in so you can at least skim headlines. More than one is better, but if you get stressed out by the output keep it simple. Find some news sites you trust or if you have a good local paper get a subscription. (I used to read the paper everyday, but my local paper is extra bad, so I'm all online now). Read articles on things that interest you. If you are up to it do some searches on topics important to you.

Whatever you do, never read or watch one news source exclusively. Every source has biases. If all that history training has taught me anything, it's that.

Remember that no one can read everything and that's okay.

I have no idea if this helps. I just stopped to read your note before bed, so I'm a bit rambly.

#News Aggregation

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dirtbunnii · 5 months

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✨⭐ i n t r o p o s t ⭐✨

basics: ★ my name is rory!! ★ 17 ★ they/them, he/him? (masc terms preferred over non-specific terms, just nothing fem) ★ japanese american !! ★ audhd + various mental illnesses + 1(one) chronic illness (so far.)

what is this blog for? ★ art/things i make in general ★ outfits and such ★ random shit that happens irl ★ tbh anything in my head that i see fit to let out of my head

interests/favorites: ★ bands: my chemical romance, pierce the veil, the front bottoms, fall out boy ★ special interests: fairy tales (specifically brothers grimm), alice in wonderland, minerals, my chemical romance ★ manga: junji ito (i have 15 books), witch hat atelier, the girl from the other side, how to treat magical beasts, toilet bound hanako kun ★ games: dont starve, minecraft, sims 4, clangen (never got into the books tho lol), everything is going to be ok, subnautica, fallout shelter ★ tv shows: adventure time, bojack horseman (havent finished), criminal minds, gravity falls, scott pilgrim takes off ★ collections: rocks and minerals, cds, junji ito, various zines, ★ random: unholyverse, edgar allan poe, dsmp (lmanburg/elections/exile, not recent as much), frank iero, just roll with it (riptide), dnd

things i make/do: ★ art !! (various kinds) ★ zines ★ patches/other clothing modification stuffs ★ kandi (still figuring out cuffs) ★ currently coding a shitty little mcr website for a class ★ ukulele !! ive been playing mildly since 6 not v good tho ★ guitar? barely tho + just started ★ occasional embroidery/knitting ★ im technically in a band but we dont have a name and the bassist hasnt touched a bass yet ★ skateboarding. my knees are so scarred from me eating shit all the time tho. fall out boy more like fall off boy. ★ i did circus (specifically aerials) for 3 years pre pandemic. i miss it !!

⚠ general warning ⚠ there are often references to/implications of sh in my collage/doodle pages. its never detailed, you probably wont see it if you dont look close. the tags will always have tws for implied or referenced sh, if theres anything more major ill put the correct tws for that. i try my best to always use content warnings/trigger warnings, if i ever miss something please let me know!!

🚫 DNI 🚫 transphobes, racists, homophobes, misogynists, bigots/fascists in general. lolita/nymphette/lana del ray stuff (coquette fine as long as its not weird).

free artsakh, free palestine, punch a nazi, drink some water, i love you<3

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nev3rfound · 3 years

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curled up : b.b

bucky hasn’t seen you all day in the compound, and it turns out you’re sick in bed. so being the loving yet oblivious boyfriend he is, he decides to provide some needed comfort. (1k)

masterlist / permanent taglist (also thank you to whoever organised my taglist!)

Walking into the shared living space within the compound, Bucky looks around, only to sigh in disappointment. “Anyone seen Y/n?” He calls out, only to be greeted by a series of heads shaking in response.

“You sure she’s not found someone else to annoy? Like Peter for messing up on his date with MJ?” Sam laughs, oblivious to Peter holding his hand up sheepishly.

“Erm, I’m right here, Mr Wilson.” Peter mutters, and Tony rolls his eyes, motioning to Peter to lower his hand back down.

“I haven’t seen her since last night,” Bucky admits quietly, unaware of Sam raising a brow to Steve. “and she’s not answering her phone either.”

Footsteps echo from behind, and Bucky knows it isn’t you as the footsteps stride through the corridor.

Loki stands tall as he passes Bucky with a smug look on his face. “Missing something, Barnes?” Loki questions playfully, hearing the metal plates in Bucky’s arm whirring as he forms a tight fist. “No need for that, I can assure you.”

Rising to his feet, Thor steps forward much to Loki’s disappointment. “Come on, brother, where is Lady Y/n?” Thor’s voice booms as he stands in front of Loki, recognising the sly look crossing his gaze. “Don’t make me ask you again, Loki.”

“I’d do what he says if I were you,” Tony chimes in from the couch, eyes never leaving his phone despite a potential argument brewing between a super soldier and two literal Gods.

“Well then,” Loki starts, looking between Bucky and Thor. “if you must know, Y/n is sick.”

Scoffing, Bucky crosses his arms over his chest. “She can’t be, she was fine yesterday.” Bucky reasons, but Loki simply looks at him before tearing his eyes away mischievously.

“Buck, she isn’t invincible,” Steve speaks up. “she’s only human.”

“Pitiful really,” Loki mutters, tutting to himself as he moves past the pair. “now if you’ll excuse me, I’m after some needed quiet after having to put up with Y/n sneezing and coughing two rooms down all night. Not exactly the kind of noise I like to hear from someone in the night.”

Turning around, Steve shakes his head as Bucky’s feet remain cemented in place. “Buck, go,” Steve ushers, and Bucky snaps out of his thoughts, rushing through the corridor toward the elevator. “god, young love, hey, Queens?” Steve jokes to Peter who nervously laughs.

“Whatever you say, Mr Rogers.” Peter mumbles, hoping by some miracle the ground will swallow him whole. *

Hovering outside of your door, Bucky can hear your dry coughs and faint swears leaving your lips.

“Hey, doll?” Bucky knocks on the door before opening it, revealing the room drowned in darkness; and at least twelve packets of empty tissues discarded across the floor.

“Bucky?” You speak up, sounding nasally. “I thought I told Loki I didn’t want anyone coming in here.” You add in defeat as you sink your head back down into your pillows, unaware of Bucky’s smile fading.

Closing the bedroom door behind him, Bucky creeps over toward you until he’s perching on the edge of your bed. Despite it being close to pitch black, a slither of light peeks through the blinds and Bucky can see your eyes are closed, but brows remain furrowed together.

“You didn’t want me to come check on you?” Bucky tries to hide the defeatist tone in his voice, but you open your eyes and reach out sleepily, flinging your hand on his.

“No, no I didn’t mean it like that,” You tiredly whine, and Bucky chuckles under his breath. “I didn’t want anyone getting sick, I’ve got into full quarantine.” You explain before coughing violently, a hoarse noise leaving your lips.

Bucky quickly picks up the glass of water you’re reaching for, and passes it to you. He listens as you gulp it down, a softer cough following before you lie back down.

“Full quarantine or not,” Bucky starts as he rises to his feet, moving around the bed to climb in beside you. “I’m not leaving.”

Feeling the dip in your bed, you roll over as a pair of arms wrap around you gently, lifting your body closer to his.

You hum in content, knowing there’s no use fighting and you don’t exactly have the strength to bother trying.

Resting your head on Bucky’s chest, his metal arm remains wrapped around you whilst his other hand rests on your hair, his fingers attempting to run through the tangled knots.

“Loki didn’t pass my message on, did he?” You suddenly ask, and Bucky pauses. “Stupid God.” You mutter, feeling Bucky’s chest rise and fall softly.

“He is, isn’t he?” Bucky remarks. That’ll show Loki for trying to get between him in and his girl. “Do you want me to get you anything? Like some soup? My Mom always made soup when I got sick as a kid.”

Shaking your head in response, you tug on the duvet, pulling it further over you both. “Can you just tell me a story? I wanna hear more about your family.” You whisper and Bucky tenses beneath you. “I, sorry Bucky, if it’s not something you’re ready to share that’s okay.” You ramble, but Bucky shushes you, returning to running his fingers through your now knotless hair. “I’d happily tell you, doll.” Bucky leans down and kisses the top of your head. “Well, growing up on Sundays,”

It was almost instantaneous that you fell asleep in his arms before Bucky was even able to get into any depth in his story. But it didn’t matter as you peacefully slept in his arms as the occasional snore left your lips.

Smiling to himself, Bucky closes his eyes, wondering how he ever got so lucky to find a girl like you; ill or not, you’re the most precious thing in his life.

t a g l i s t (thank you for the support!) link in my bio and at the top of this piece to add yourself☺️(if your user isn’t tagged, it’s because nothing comes up- sorry!)

@biss-stuff @psychicforest @lourightm @mywinterwolf @justsomedreaming @stanlux17 @smokeandnailz @supermoonchildbroski @xrosegoldwolfx @courtneychicken @marvelsangels @supraveng @tommy-lee-81 @smilexcaptainx @fandom-princess-forevermore @sarge-barnes-sir @pleasantlysecretdream @decaffeinated–fangirl @howdyherron @kirby-boo @florencxs @eldahae @handmesomecoffee @hi-my-name-is-riley @dev1lbella @thanossexual @alissaginger @sambucky8 @notbrooklynsblog @nikkixostan@cosmiccaptian @adoreyou976 @sarcasticallywitty15 @multi-fandom-princess07 @16boyfriends-and-me @courtneychicken @mackevanstan80 @torchwoodoctor @pleasantlysecretdream@yougottalovefandoms @magicalxdaydream @soccer-100000 @tenaciousperfectionunkown

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gayspock · 3 years

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(monologuing in the park with the birds) you see, well, im actually the most tortured man alive bc frankly one of the few things i ever really wanted to explore f*nfiction for - which i must censor not to keep my tongue clean, but lest i call upon demons on this here website as i type it up - was star trek tos, and listen my loves, i dont rlly care that much for aos at all and i just stay away from it bc i know i would hate it and it'd make me angry so bad so why on earth would i watch it you know, my loves, like simply in the "oh heavens this just isnt for me... this just isnt at all is it sniff sniff sniff" manner, and im not so fussy since i KNOW its some people's cup of tea you know and i do terribly respect that, i have loved and admired and respected aos fans and theres nothing wrong love is love, but also allow me the fact that oh christ alive on the + and oh the late christ on the + too (lets cover our bases) it just- oh we cant get into that now, as people will think im positively loopy, but oh... oh goodness me. oh goodness me. the fleeting fanbase it had (still has, but it boomed and fizzled you know) because of COURSE it came out at a time when fanficcers were particularly feral in, likw, 2009-mid 2010s im not sure... well it did awful numbers on the kirk/spock selection of RECENT fanfiction (as we all know, there are archives stretching back yonks- but forgive me, i do want more recent works) and you see, the plague it unleashed perhaps it did save me in that regard, perhaps it did carry my soul from damnation, because every time i read about aos kirk/spock dynamic i get onto all fours and start wretching like a cat with hairballs stuck in its gullet and yet that characterisation is somehow what dominates the dreaded a-triple-o site that also shalt not be named directly lest i, again, put out the flypaper for the flies so to speak, where even ayy ohhh essss fics are just tagged as "tos too!" like you can SAY that! it isnt TRUE. and its all the very worstly types, and all: why the dickens does my star trek fanfiction smell like a teen wolf fanfiction here? hard to quite describe what i mean, but listen my girls aos already ripped of twok WHY must you go ahead and cannibalise tos for the tarsus plot and load that also on james t kirk (aos) who oh. oh im so angry i hate james t kirk (aos) i'll get him you see oh my goodness me... aos contributing to all the misconceptions abt spock and kirk in popular culture, even canonising them in the new timeline which okay dokay sniff sniff, if thats whay you want to do but you're making me a little sad, a little miserable, and mister jayjee abrams you didnt NEED to tell us you barely watched tos i could tell bc even if you did justify it within the plot i can tell you werent a tos fan with the direction you took this all in, and for all these silly little fics to be like its like aos and its like tos babe when you know damn well that simply is not the case my beloved.... charged enemies to lovie dovies (eek) is fine have fun with that elsewhere, which i feel a little ill calling it THAT, you know, i hate saying terms like that with my heart and not as a silly little joke but well thats what it is and the thing is saying this but i dont uhm. mindddd that dynamic between two characters i guess in other cases, but oh oh oh (shakes like a pathetic wet dog) whys it in my house? in my kirk and spock? as kirk dreamily gazes into mister spocks eyes and says why you almost make me believe in miracles, i assure you there was never a bone in his body that held disregard for my bestie babe mister spock. and all the characterisation for kirk in particular, aos kirk in particular- its just the worst, most agonising thing ive ever seen, and my dear thomes who bless their heart has only seen aos was rather shocked when i informed him "no my love it isnt like this at all in tos" like oh dear oh dear my dears if you follow me you must know i dont at all like aos kirk/spock which fine if you do but cries softly .... dont mischaracterise me, it simply isnt ME- and back to the point

because you see, on the dreaded red and white webbed site, i used the filters... wahh... i used the filters so many times its like a coffee in here, baby! its like a fish tank in here, baby! <- choose whichever one of those sentences takes your pleasure and your fancy. but i used oh so many of them. and you know what? i still god the damn greek alphabet soup porn too an all! WOE is me, WOE is me! (digs my own grave and sniffles quite a bit whilst i do so) i cant even wail for i am spent on coke zeros in the vending machine

#egg.txt #long post

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korissideblog · 3 years

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ᴴᵉʸ i already apologized to Dante, but I guess I also have to apologize to y’all. So… once again, sorry I did a kick flip so sick it made the tag ill. I’ll be sure to think of you all when I’m living a solitary life as a hermit in the forest who’s mistaken for the ghost of a witch.

uuummmmmmI also finished the jetsam fic last night 👉👈 so here you go bestys <3

@jetsam-kisa

Jetsam knew getting into some sort of activity with Aito would be a mistake. Usually the little creature was up to something malicious, and even if you couldn’t figure it out immediately, at some point something would take a sharp right turn and now she’s tricked you into being his accomplice for whatever his next cruel joke is. Aito hasn’t revealed what this trick will be, but it definitely terrifies him considering that they’re in the kitchen.

“It’s just that Mich’ gave me such a pretty skirt yesterday.” Aito had explained, her wiry tail wagging from side to side. “And both Ikuto and Haru said I should say thank you with a little gift in return!”

And so Jetsam (foolishly) agreed to help Aito make cookies. Aito had found the recipe and ingredients, all she needed help with was execution. Jetsam wasn’t sure if he was stressed about how little he could vet the ingredients, or if he was relieved because he was helping with so little- he couldn’t possibly get in trouble for just making cookies right? Right???

“So we have flour, baking soda… salt right here…” Jetsam mumbled, his usual plumes of smoke going up and dissipating into the air as he read off what ingredients they would need and making sure Aito got the right stuff. Aito sat on the counter nearby, watching Jetsam sort everything out silently. After making sure everything was in place, Jetsam gave Aito the thumbs up and Aito hopped off the counter to come help. “Could you preheat the oven-” Jetsam immediately recognized the fault in leaving Aito alone with a heat source and took it back “ah, no, lemme get the oven, you can start mixing th-” nope! Aito would probably be worse if he was left unsupervised with ingredients that someone would be eating, and took that back as well. “Ok then… I’ll preheat the oven, you can just… just stand there for a second.” he finally settled on, stepping away and quickly setting the oven before looking back to check on Aito and-

And she didn’t seem to be doing much. Just kinda standing around, scrolling through the phone that they were using to look at the instructions. Seeing as it was Aito’s phone, Jetsam didn’t see any reason to panic as he returned to Aito’s side. “Next we have to mix the flour, baking soda, and salt.” Aito said, scrolling up and down the instructional website in boredom. “Sounds easy, lemme get the thingies.” by ‘thingies’ Aito apparently meant measuring tools, and (with a nervous Jetsam’s supervision) measured out the dry ingredients and put them into a bowl.

“Have you started on the report for history?” Jetsam asked, starting to mix the wet ingredients together with a handheld mixer- much too afraid of something motorized being in Aito’s hands to let her help. “I know what I wanna write about, I just haven’t started.”

“Yeah, Haru made me start before we left class.” Aito responded vaguely, strangely not taking the opportunity to lightheartedly complain about her friend.“It's lame, but I’m halfway done.” she shrugged, hopping onto the counter and watching like a cat on a windowsill, her tail even swaying side to side as she watched the ingredients mix. “Now we add the chocolate, right?”

“Roawr”

“Meow?” Aito perked up and looked to the floor of the kitchen, Jetsam not far behind as Aito jumped down from the counter to greet their new guest. “Oh! Look who’s here Jetsam!” Aito smiled, picking up a small black kitten who had wandered into the kitchen. “Oh wait, You’ve never met little Jiji, have you?”

“No?” Jetsam said, not wanting to get in trouble for being seen with a pet in the dorms but… but it was just the smallest little kitten he’s ever seen! And Aito was just bringing him to him! “H-hello there sweetheart.” Jetsam hummed, carefully putting his hand out for the kitten to sniff as he realized that the kitten didn’t seem to have eyes- a terrifying realization when in relation to Aito “Can he see anything?”

“No, I think it was a birth thing though.” Aito said, petting the kitten fondly before putting him down again. “He needs to walk around a bit, get a feel for the space.” she explained as the kitten stood still for a second before realizing that Aito wasn’t going to pick him up again and running off to go explore. If Jiji ran into a few walls, Aito ignored the sound, and so did Jetsam. “I think he got out through my vent, I'll have to close it next time.” Aito shrugged, finding the bag of chocolate chips and opening it.

“Why was the vent open in the first place?” Jetsam asked, worried about Aito’s answer, but deciding that it would be worse not to know.

“Sometimes Haru locks his door so he can destress.” Aito said, pouring the chips into one of the measuring cups. “I need to be able to stop that as quickly as humanly possible.” he explained, not going into detail as Jetsam nodded, not wanting any more details. Aito poured the chips into the mix and let Jetsam mix it for her, again taking her place on the counter to watch.

“You named the cat after the Jiji sticker on my wallet?” Jetsam asked, suddenly realizing how quiet Aito was being (at least compared to the insane amount of talking she normally did) and wanting him to talk again.

“Mhm.” Aito responded, watching the dough spin around in the bowl

“It’s from a show you know.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, I could show you it some time.”

“I’d like that.”

Jetsam could taste the silence in the room as he put the mixer down. He thought he was scared of an over excited Aito, but a deathly silent one was twice as agonizing. He let Aito get the sheet pan and spray it down, but decided to let her play with a small portion of the dough as he quickly divided the rest into even little balls, all spread across the sheet, with a small space for Aito’s.

When he looked up to the girl on the counter, she had her back turned to him as she messed with the dough. Aito felt eyes on his back and looked up, noticing that Jetsam was finished, and held up the plate she was working on.

The cookie dough was formed into a crude little heart shape, rough around the edges, and still needing some work. “It looks good, Aito-kun.” Jetsam said, not sure how well it would turn out in the oven, but also not willing to put Aito down when she looked so contemplative. She turned around and put the plate back down on the counter, as if to let Jetsam see what she was doing.

“You know they found a body…” Aito said, barely above a whisper as she carefully formed the dough “on an Arabian Peninsula…” Jetsam felt his heart beat quicken with nervousness as he tried to hide the larger clouds of smoke billowing from his mouth. “It was an archeological dig and… they think she’s 4000 years old- the bones that is- she was… they think she was 18 when she died.” Good lord- Aito-kun always tells her stories in the worst way possible. “I’m writing my history report on her. Her bones were all messed up- way too thin for her to do much. She was severely disabled and would have needed around the clock care… but… but they also saw that she had… she had a lot of cavities, and her teeth were falling out and it didn’t make sense till…” Aito paused momentarily, as if trying to remember what his hands were doing before he continued the story. “till they realized that she… she just ate too many dates.” He giggled, sharpening the bottom of the heart as best as he could. “They just loved her so much… they loved her to death.” Aito paused again, looking over his handiwork and immediately started poking it again, less out of a want to shape it, and more out of a need to do something with his hands. “They always say survival of the fittest and- and I think they’re right!” He said, her voice rising a bit in volume. “Humanity’s made it this far because we found out that what makes us fit for survival is love and compassion and empathy and community and- and…” Aito just stood there, collecting her thoughts as he tapped a rhythm on the center of the cookie, as if trying to make it beat on its own. “And I like things better when they’re heart shaped.” She finally finished, still tapping the dough, but calming down a bit. “Can we… um”

“We can make them all heartshaped, if you want.” Jetsam offered, pointing to the rest of the cookies. Aito simply nodded and finally removed her hands from the dough, frowning a bit at the messy edges, but not willing to reshape it as she moved it from the plate to sheet pan.

Jetsam showed Aito how to make the dough into a shape that would actually end up as a heart after the oven, and together they finished the sheet, Jetsam slipping in into the oven and turning back to face Aito. Aito still looked tentative, swinging his legs over the side of the counter, but a bit more confident than before. “You said you still needed to start on your report?” Aito asked, and Jetsam nodded. Aito hopped down from the counter. “I’ll be back.”

Jetsam followed Aito to the door of the kitchen, but stayed put as Aito continued down the hall to the dorm rooms. Aito returned a bit later with a paper, pencil, copy of their history book, and a cozy looking blanket. “You should start now. I need a nap.” Aito said shortly, turning away from the kitchen and into the common room. Aito laid Jetsam’s supplies on the adjacent coffee table and let him sit down before wrapping herself in the blanket and laying her head across his lap.

“Is this my copy of the textbook?” Jetsam asked, recognizing some of the graffiti across the well used pages. “This was in my dorm room.”

“Mhm.” Aito hummed, looking over the pages as well.

“My dorm was locked?”

“Yeah,” Aito chuckled, sitting up a bit to explain himself. “But all the doors kinda suck. If you know what you’re doing, you can get into any dorm you want without a key.” He said, flipping a few pages and ignoring the nervousness on Jetsam’s face. “Your door in particular is a bit harder though, if it’s any comfort. You have to point the handle perfectly vertical and knee it really hard. Easy once you get used to it, but I don’t exactly go around telling people these things.” He mumbled, tossing his arms over Jetsam’s legs and resting his head on his arms.

“Thanks?” Jetsam shrugged, mildly uncomfortable with the fact that Aito could just break into his room whenever… maybe he should invest in a deadbolt…

“But what do you plan on writing your report on?” Aito asked, closing his eyes and very clearly not planning to listen to Jetsam’s report. So Jetsam gave a quick summary of his ideas till he was sure that Aito was out cold (luckily she fell asleep quickly) and continued working on his report in silence till the alarm on Aito’s phone went off.

Aito immediately jumped awake at the noise, but grumbled and complained as he turned the alarm off. Aito yawned like a cat and stepped over the couch like it was nothing- and seeing how often she disregarded the proper use of furniture, she probably saw it as such. Jetsam was still sorting his supplies, as well as his (mostly finished!) report when he heard Aito mumble something along the lines of “oh I hate this part” and the sound of running water. Jetsam immediately sprung to the kitchen, only barely making it to the door before Aito reached into the oven with his BARE HANDS and pulled the pan out, before throwing it on the counter and immediately putting her hands into the sink, under the running water. “I hate this I hate ovens I hate heat I hate-“ Aito rambled on and on about hating this and that about the stupid decision he just made, leaving Jetsam in completely stunned confusion.

“Why didn’t you just??? Use the mits???” Jetsam howled, running over to inspect Aito’s reddened hands.

“Mitts? You use those for cold things?” Aito asked, as if Jetsam was the moron here.

“You… they’re called oven mitts, Aito-kun!” Aito started at Jetsam, as if finally putting something together

“Oh…”

“Oh…?”

“Oven mitts are kitchen gloves.” Aito hummed, turning the water off and reaching into the drawer that the mitts were kept in, wincing a bit as his still red hands made contact.

“What?”

“Yeah ah… mama calls them kitchen gloves and… and ours are made of cloth.” Aito explained, pulling out the silicone glove. “I thought… you know, I thought these were two different things.”

And suddenly Jetsam understood why that prehistoric 18 year old was so important. Everyone will always not know something, it’s inevitable. Maybe it was something stupid like what oven mitts were, or something less stupid like living. Nobody knows anything. One day fire may burn cold, or the sun just not rise, or our blood may not pump… and all we could do is be kind, and caring, and compassionate.

“We have to take the cookies off the sheet.” Jetsam advised, patting Aito’s shoulder as she returned the mitt to it’s drawer. “They’ll keep baking if we don’t get them on a cooling rack.”

And so, in a more comfortable silence then before, Jetsam and Aito moved the cookies to the rack, pausing only at the last one, the one Aito had made first. Jetsam was right, the shape didn’t survive too well in the oven, the tops of the heart looking more like a single hill and the bottom having lost it’s point, and yet Aito moved it without hesitation onto the rack.

“I like it.” He said softly, making sure it fit onto the rack with all the rest. “It’s a little messed up, but it’s still heart shaped.”

#Ohhh I just love jetsam so much <333 #Sillie little guy <3 #jetsam kisa #aito takao #bnha oc comeback #knha // kimi no hero academia #Kori stories

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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 years

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More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #TrueBJDConfessions #BJD Dealers

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comfy-whumpee · 4 years

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Whumping Safely 101

Many people in this community have mental health problems, face various types of discrimination, and have complicated relationships with some parts or types of whump. In particular, I aim this at people who care about the experience of survivors and others with triggers – partially because I am an abuse survivor who often flirts with triggering content as part of my love of whump.

Keeping your blog safe is difficult, takes effort, and is never a perfect process. But as the community grows and grows, it’s really important that we hold ourselves to a high standard. I would argue that this is a responsibility of all content creators, but especially those of us in the messy playground of whump.

I’ve got three sections in here: content warnings, writing with care, and community interaction. I’ve tried to make it navigable. It’s about 1.8k words. Shorter than a lot of drabbles! I welcome good-faith criticism on this topic and further questions on my own views.

Content Warnings

The biggest responsibility, in my opinion, is empowering your reader to make their own decision on whether they want to expose themselves to your writing. This also happens to be by far the easiest way to help people whump safely.

What to warn

This is a big and ever-changing topic. Some things you should warn for as a rule of thumb are anything NSFW, pet whump and box boy whump, drugs and alcohol, medical and hospital content, graphic gore, intimate partner violence, and animal harm. It can be tricky to draw the line of what counts – what needs a warning? If you’re in doubt, just warn it anyway. It doesn’t hurt.

If someone requests a trigger be warned for, even if it’s something that feels obscure or tame, show compassion and agree to the request. This is someone who cares enough about being able to read your writing that they wrote in! They want to be able to read it and enjoy it. You’re being complimented.

Otherwise, look at what other blogs tag for. You’ll see some variation in styles and levels of detail, but it’s a good way to gauge what people think is warn-worthy, when we’re often writing stuff that would already be R-rated in mainstream media.

The easiest way to make sure people don’t see your triggering content is to use a cut. Tumblr is not a very functional website and likes to delete cuts, but a cursory check of your posted content will usually tell you whether it’s worked. With asks, cuts are very spotty, so don’t be afraid to post an ask response separately with a screengrab of the original question. People often then respond to the ask itself with a link to the post, especially if it’s a whole drabble. Tumblr is weird and bad so just do your best.

Content notices

I.e., a quick summary before the drabble, usually in bold, to state what will be coming. I like to distinguish between using content notes (CN) and trigger warnings (TW) to indicate severity. Others might use the old phrase ‘dead dove do not eat’ to indicate this is a heavy piece, and often you will see qualifiers like ‘intense’, ‘mild’, ‘mention’, ‘referenced’ (i.e. it is discussed but not actively happening), and ‘implied’ (as the opposite of ‘explicit’). I’ve also seen a couple of people use ‘vibes’, which is a really nice way of demonstrating that it’s there, but not the focus. A quick paragraph like this, or just a line, lets people make a quick risk assessment on their reading.

This is also important if you’re sending in asks or requests to people. If you want to ask about something triggering, send an inquiry first about whether the blog is okay to hear it.

Tagging

Tagging is a chore, but it’s your primary way of warning people about your content. The main benefit of tagging is that you can be as detailed as you want, because can be tagging for content in general, not just triggers.

In a best case scenario, you’d tag the kind of whump you’re doing, tag triggers, tag characters, and even your ‘verses, because tagging is your index for your blog. If you tag reliably, you help your future self and your readers find stuff, and you also make your blog really dang safe. People who have unusual triggers can blacklist tags, and will pick up on your content tags to help them.

Don’t just tag your own writing. Tag your reblogs, tag your prompts, tag your asks. Yes, edit your asks to add the tags. Tag your images and gifs. Tag your images as images and your gifs as gifs.

If you aren’t up for detailed tagging for whatever reason, just tag for triggering content, and add stuff to that list if you’re asked to. My usual technique is to make a mental note of tags while I’m formatting and editing before posting.

Be aware that your first five tags will be used in search results. If you’re using tags that are associated with kink too, such as ‘shibari’, you might want to rethink your tag order if you don’t want interaction from those blogs. Also think about what tags might come up in non-whump contexts, such as ‘collar’ or ‘PTSD’. Some tactics for getting around this I’ve seen are adding ‘whump’ after the content or writing the tags in past tense (i.e., ‘collared’).

It is also a good idea to watch out for when you might be reblogging something whumpy that is intended as kink / porn / fetish, especially in images. Tagging these as spicy / nsfw / kink is a sensible move.

Writing with Care

Okay, now for the harder stuff.

I mean here to lay out some guidelines for how to write in a way that helps your reader build good faith. This is a much more nuanced topic, and it’s different for everyone. There will always be differing opinions on what should and shouldn’t be written about, what a good depiction of a sensitive topic is, and how to discuss that topic. I tried to strip this back into absolute basics that I hope we can all agree on.

Maybe your whump involves abuse. Maybe it’s gaslighting. Maybe it’s severe mental health problems, or addiction, or slavery, or you write about or analogise real-world issues. Whump deals with the dark stuff, and that’s a big part of its appeal. But don’t ever forget you’re writing the dark stuff.

(Try to) Know what you’re doing

Some of us play fast and loose with plots, medical accuracy, worldbuilding, and other things that get in the way of the pain we crave. This is all well and good, but when we start using whump that speaks true to people’s lived experiences, we shouldn’t be careless with it. I’m particularly talking about things that get represented poorly in mainstream media, such as abusive relationships, issues around marginalisation, mental illness and disability.

Be critical of media that you’ve consumed. Think about how its depicted things that you want to depict in turn. Look for opinions on fictional representations of those issues. Be aware that you might be more ignorant of things than you realise.

Look at how others are writing these issues, particularly if they’re writing from a perspective different to yours. If you haven’t personally experienced what you’re writing about, e.g., if you don’t have PTSD and you want to depict a character who does, seek out stuff written from or with experience. Listen to the experts.

If you’re looking for stuff about representation specifically, I recommend this collection of posts about ‘Braving Diversity’ cultivated by Writing With Colour, who are in themselves a fantastic resource for this topic, and have recommendations for other blogs that deal with intersecting issues.

Listen to others

Missteps are inevitable. Nobody is perfect. If constructive criticism is offered, that’s also a compliment to your writing. Someone read your work and thought about it, and thought you’d care about improving it. They’re offering themselves as a resource for helping you see your work in a new light.

Criticism is hard and sometimes hurtful, but even if we don’t think it’s accurate, there’s often a grain of truth in it. If someone tells you that your writing is harmful, think about why they’ve said that, not whether or not they’re correct. This is an opinion! Opinions are subjective! But what drove someone to send that in?

You don’t have to respond to all your criticism and definitely don’t respond straight away. Being respectful to those who are trying to help you means taking the time to consider it properly. Sometimes, they don’t need a response. Others, you might want to learn more about what they think before deciding. You might have already discussed the topic, in which case, you might just want to reblog your previous posts.

If it’s sent in bad faith or is outright hateful, you’re well within your rights to just delete it and move on. You might get the same criticism over and over again, and that’s exhausting, and you don’t have to retrace your steps for everyone.

But if it’s new, even if it puts your hackles up, you can always stop and wonder why someone felt that strongly about your work.

Take a step back

One of my better-known characters is a pet whumper who conditioned his victim to adore and depend on him. It’s not always easy to represent how deeply messed up that is within the text – though I think that’s part of the challenge – but in meta-commentary, I am always describing him as a creeptastic bastard lacking compassion and self-reflection. I hope to always give the reader the confidence that I know just how wrong it is.

This is a really simple thing you can do just to give readers good faith in you. Show that you know what you’re writing is dark and messed up. Show your understanding for the issues you’re handling and that they’re complicated. It might seem self-evident, but when you’re writing the really dark stuff, or unhealthy relationships, or institutionalised whump, you can inadvertently create the impression that you just think it’s fun. The fact that it’s fiction does not automatically absolve you. Show that you care about doing it right.

Community Interaction

I’m going to keep this one short and sweet because I will almost entirely be preaching to the choir here.

Be polite to others. Imagine saying what you’re saying to their face.

Don’t send anon hate. Just don’t. If you can send criticism off anon, do so.

Nobody is obligated to interact with you.

Nobody is obligated to monitor their own reader base.

If someone says do not interact, do not interact.

If someone says do not interact, why they’ve said that is none of your business.

You don’t need to spread the word about someone’s bad politics.

Ask yourself if your input is needed, or if what you’ve said has already been said.

You don’t have to take a side.

Take care of yourself. Take breaks. Remind yourself that whump is a small part of the world.

That’s all from me, folks. Stay safe.

#discourse...adjacent?#whump community #whump etiquette

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blessedarethebinarybreakers · 3 years

Note

how to deal with feeling that you don`t want to read bible at all?

Read something else!!

For real, if you dread opening the Bible and get nothing out of it, it’s okay to leave it aside for a while and read (or watch, or listen to, etc.) other things. You have your whole life to dig back into it, if you ever feel called to do so at all. In the meantime, there is wonderful wisdom to be found in other sources too -- many of which, but not all, point back to scripture. I believe God would rather you be exploring those such works and actually gaining wisdom and connection to the Divine, than see you slogging through scripture as a chore and getting nothing but boredom or frustration out of it.

You might, for instance, read books that are about the Bible in the hopes that they can help you learn what there is to love in the Bible.

I most highly recommend Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again by Rachel Held Evans. Read that and you’ll find a beautiful framework for reading scripture faithfully and critically, with advice on how to approach the more disturbing texts.

(for something shorter, you might also like my webpage on reframing scripture.)

Or maybe you don’t want a book that’s about the Bible at all, but is spiritually rich -- finding a good devotional is what you’ll want to do then.

My personal faves are, like, anything written by Barbara Brown Taylor (An Altar in the World, for instance), A Tree Full of Angels by Sister Macrina Wiederkehr, Native by Kaitlin B. Curtice (not a devotional, actually a memoir, but so so rich).

If you like shorter stuff than a full book, check out the Our Bible App for so many incredible devotionals, including ones by and for BIPOC, LGBT/queer folks, disabled folks, and more.

Or maybe you want some quality spiritual poetry!

there’s Queering Lent by slats toole, my own book The Kin(g)dom in the Rubble by Avery Smith (i’ve also got poetry posted on my wordpress), poetry by Jessica Powers if you are into traditional Catholic Vibes....

If books aren’t your speed in general, you might prefer a good podcast -- some of my favorite “spiritual” type ones include

Bible Bash (it is SUCH a fun podcast that looks at Bible passages from a queer/trans lens, or sometimes from an environmentalist lens);

Everything Happens with Kate Bowler (which explores life after or in the midst of suffering, from chronic illness to a loved one’s death)

my own podcast (lmao i’m sorry, i’m that kind of person), Blessed Are the Binary Breakers, where I interview trans and/or nonbinary people of all sorts of religious backgrounds about their experiences with faith, gender, and life in general

So. Yeah. It’s okay to take a break from the Bible and explore other ways of connecting to the Divine, humanity, and all of Creation for a time. You’re okay. The Bible will be waiting for you, its pages as alive as ever, whenever you’re ready to try again.

___________

And when you are ready to check out the Bible again, whether that’s next week or years from now...

I highly recommend picking a version of the Bible with quality commentary and footnotes so you actually understand what’s going on haha -- see here for some suggestions

You absolutely want to know the history behind why any given Bible text was written. You try to read one of the prophets without knowing about the Exile? you’re gonna be bored. You might be disturbed. Ya gotta know the history!! Having a Bible with good commentary will help with that!

I also recommend The Bible Project on Youtube’s videos for good historical context -- even tho I don’t agree with all of their theology, their history is sound and they have a wonderful concise engaging video on every single book of the Bible for you to watch. (Don’t like videos? Check out their website instead for info on each book in text format)

Know you don’t have to read from Genesis through Revelation all in order. You can pick the books of the Bible that most call to you. Some of my faves include Genesis, Exodus, Ruth, 1 & 2 Samuel (but i’m weird that way haha, you’ll want lotssss of good commentary for those), Amos, Joel, Micah, Mark and Luke, and 1 Corinthians.

For help on picking a book of the Bible to read and all that, see this post

Or tell me what you’re looking for and ask me haha

It’s also cool to read a book or passage of scripture while engaging with a variety of interpretations on that same text at the same time!

When I want to ~Resonate~ with what I’m reading, I seek out queer/trans and disabled theologies.

When I want to be challenged to love my neighbor better and catch glimpses of God I (as a white, middle class, US citizen, etc.) would never catch on my own, I check out works by Black theologians, Dalit theologians, stuff from Mujeristas and Womanists and Latin American liberation theologians and on and on.

Find suggestions for such commentaries here in my recs tag.

Or, if you’ve been taught how to read academic articles, you can visit academia.edu to search for free scholarly texts on any Bible passage you can think of, and see if there are any good ones from a perspective you’re interested in. (Example: if you search for “Isaiah 56″ and “disability” on there, you should find some gooooood stuff).

And if you’re ever reading a passage from the Bible and think “oooh I bet there are disabled/trans/Black/Indigenous/feminist/etc. theologians who’ve said some amazing stuff about this bit but I have No Clue how to find their writings on my own -- message me!!! I would LOVE to help!! Let me put my seminary Masters of Divinity to use and infodump about cool theology PLEASE

#bible tag #reading and studying the Bible #Anonymous

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morizoras-cave · 4 years

Text

Bullies (Request)

Tom Holland x teen!co-star!reader

Genre: angst, fluff

Request Description: Tom holland x teen!reader,reader is having a rough time in school but doesn't want anyone to know,until one day they were looking at their social media while sitting next to tom,in one of the post someone was mocking or bullying the reader,and to that they cried,tom was quick to comfort them and ask what's wrong and the reader told him,and he's like i am gunna talk to the school and tell them what they are doing. Hope is okay❤❤❤❤❤

Warnings: bullying, general sadness, MEAN comments, language probably

(A/N): man, i only do requests these days (lol ive had my blog for like a week) maybe ill do one of my own tonight or tomorrow along with a request :) ALTHOUGH, i really like doing your guys’ requests you have amazing ideas that i honestly would never come up with by myself :DDD <3

When you decided to do a movie, there were a lot of things that you didn’t sign up for, that came along with it. Some good, some bad. Like meeting all your favorite celebrities, the overwhelming fanbase that grew around you, the countless haters, and the 24/7 plane rides across countries.

You were now on one of said planes, your co-star and brother from another mother, Tom Holland sitting beside you. You had been intimidated to meet him at first, but he had been nothing but nice to you, and you always appreciated his presence.

He’d helped you a lot with fame and how to handle it, because in truth all you really wanted was to act. You could’ve never imagined what would come from it though, and you were eternally grateful to Tom.

However, you were hiding something. It was embarrassing and childish and it could never compare to Tom and his fame-problems. You were being bullied. And how could you let them bring you down when you had so many fans? It bothered you so much, and you couldn’t understand why, and the inability to understand only enhanced your misery.

It was at school, at least that’s where it was first. Some girls had started saying that you “thought you were too good for your school,” and that, “you were just a snobby celebrity now,”.

Then, when the trailer was released it’d had gotten worse and they’d pranked you and followed you around and even beat you up once. You couldn’t stand it. Now the press tour had started, and they’d settled for online harassment.

You’d tried to tell them to stop, but they just wouldn’t. You felt horrible inside, and had tried to avoid using your phone. But it was everywhere, everywhere that you needed to see, every website that you used. And at some point it had become an addiction.

You sought it out, even when you knew that it would hurt you. You just needed to see. You had to. And they’d started a page on instagram dedicated to it, so it was easy to find.

It was called Y/n-L/N-is-gross, and it consisted of pictures they’d taken of you in school, and then they captioned it making fun of your appearance, performance, personality, anything they could.

And it hurt. It hurt no less than the first time you read it. You didn’t want to go back to school again. You cried so much at night, and the broken and unhappy you had slowly crept into the daytime.

You were on your phone, biting your nail nervously, as you clicked on to their account. The many unpleasant and unflattering photos of you popped up, and there was the new post. You inhaled, looking to your side. Tom was also on his phone, not looking at you, so you cautiously clicked it.

You frowned.

‘y/n is fucking disgusting. she has no talent and all her photos are edited to shit. look at her. she is ugly. shes also just selfish and manipulative, an absolute whore’

Your breath hitched and unexpectedly you felt tears in your eyes. You tried to blink them away, but the tear simply fell. It hurt so much. They were right. Of course they were. I mean, look at you. You’re a disgusting whale, you’re untalented, you’re nothing, you’re-

“Y/n?”

You flinched, instinctively turning your phone off, and aggressively wiping your eyes. Tom was looking at you, his expression both confused and serious.

“Mhmm?”

“Were you crying just now?” he asked, and he seemed out of place. So did you. You didn’t like the situation, Tom didn’t seem to understand it.

“Uh,” was all you said, and that seemed to be enough of an answer for Tom.

“What-what, why were you crying just now? Are you okay? Did something happen?” he asked and immediately got closer to you to put his hand on your shoulder.

“Nothing happened, okay? I’m fine.”

“Y/n, I know you’re not.”

You hesitated.

“It’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is!”

Tom paused. He could see tears forming in your eyes again. You’d always been a very private person, but Tom couldn’t stand to see you unhappy like this.

“Is someone writing something mean about you?” Tom asked quietly, close enough so you could hear it. At his words, you broke eye contact and let another tear fall.

“Y/n.. You can’t let these things get to you,” Tom mumbled, and you immediately pulled away from him in embarrassment. It was stupid.

“I told you it was stupid,” you sniffled, looking out the plane window. Tom’s mind was racing, trying to think of the best way to console you.

“It’s not stupid, it’s just hard to get used to the hate comments. I know that, I’ve been there!”

“It’s not-..” you sighed, making the final decision to just tell him, “It’s not about hate comments. There are these two girls at my school. They just really like to bully me for some reason. They’ve made a page about me,” you cheeks were burning. Finally, Tom understood. He now felt an anger arising within him.

“What have they been doing?” he asked, and the switch in his attitude was clear. He was trying to sound sympathetic, when in reality he was pissed. You saw it too, his jaw clenched and fists gripping the arm rests.

“Don’t worry about it, Tom. I can deal with it,” you words made him. It took every ounce of self control within him to not yell out in frustration.

“Clearly not, Y/n. Clearly you can’t. It hurts me when you’re sad, it’s not just something I can ignore. You’re my little sister, N/n. Just tell me what they’ve been doing.. Please,” his hiss turned into a plead, one hand gripping the side of your face, the other on your upper arm.

“They’ve just been calling me names and.. I don’t know some stupid pranks and mean words online. And then once..” you trailed off, and Tom searched your eyes intently. You had to tell him, you knew. “They.. I guess they.. Hit me once.”

“They- They hit you?” Tom was outraged, pulling away from you, to see you better.

“I mean- yeah, they.. They both hit me.. A lot.”

Tom was seething. You felt lighter though, as the words escaped you, like a burden was lifted from your shoulders. Tom gripped your hand with both his, squeezing it.

“God, Y/n. I don’t know what to say. This isn’t stupid. This is serious! You can’t hide these things, they’ll hurt you. Promise me you won’t hide it again,” you watched him hold your hand into his chest, as he spoke. You knew he was right. And I guess it was serious. It made you feel better than Tom didn’t brush off your problems like you had thought he would.

“I promise,” you nodded. Tom brought you into a hug. You could hear his heart beating out of his chest.

“Alright, now if you give me their names, I’m gonna call the school and get them expelled. You won’t be seeing them again. And if they try to bother you online, we’ll send the fans after them” he spoke into your hair. You giggled at the thought.

You gave Tom their names, and sure enough they were expelled. They did try to bother you online, but this time you told Tom, and just one instagram story was enough to send thousands of angry fans over there. The account was taken down after just a couple of hours. Tom kept an eye on you since then, but after that you told him when you were sad. Because you knew nothing good came out of hiding it. Tom truly was like your protective brother, and he would never stop that. You guys had something truly special.

___________________________

Tag List:

@hera-the-writer @marvel-madness @40srogcrs @whatthefuckimbisexual @ireadfanficforfun

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman cast x reader #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers cast x reader #avengers x teen!reader #avengers cast x teen!reader #tom holland x teen!reader #peter parker #peter parker x reader

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akvtsuki-ari · 4 years

Text

Sweetheart (Ch.1)

Warnings: Mentions of BDSM and bunch of other kinks but nothing sexual in this chapter lol. Sub!Spencer and Femdom!Reader

Length: 5.3k

Authors Note: this is hands down the most self-indulgent shit ive ever wrote but do i care? the answer is no dsjk but this that series i had planned where the reader introduces spencer to proper BDSM and all that. hoping to make this fic kinda informative also lol. also im uploading this fic on ao3 as well. also no tags for this fic bc its really specific and ill probably be writing for it for a while! sorry about that

Plot Summary: Spencer Reid just wanted to be.., well, you know. He doesn’t expect to find much when he signs up for a BDSM dating website but somehow he manages you and he couldn’t be more delighted

Spencer Reid was certainly a lot of things. He was a lover of the arts, someone who had a particular affinity for 15th-century literature, a magician at best, a theater nerd at worst, and a teacher when life called for it. He loves the world even when it's really dark and he loves sleeping in even more. He loves his friends and they love him too - even when they pretend that his random facts annoy them. Spencer Reid was a friend, an FBI agent, a genius with an IQ of 187, and a son to a mother he loves wholly. He was a lot of things and for the most part - he knew a lot about what he really loved to do. He supposed that it's been like that his whole life.

It's not everyday that he discovers something new about himself. About everything else? Always. He loves to learn, but about himself? There's never all that much on the frontier.

It's hard to say, because of that, when Spencer discovered he was a sub. It's difficult to pinpoint a specific time and place, or even how the pieces got put together. He just remembers how it felt when it hit him, like a freight train going 100 miles an hour into a concrete wall. Or a plane crashing onto an island. Or like a fly hitting the glass panes of a delivery truck. He remembers the feeling when he was deftly reminded of this fact. Spencer Reid was a sub - through and through and he wasn't really sure what to make of it.

Surprisingly to most of his direct peers, Spencer wasn't a virgin. He'd had sex with 2 people who he'd been kinda friends with at some point, but it always got a little weird after that. The second time though, the girl ended up choking him a little bit when she got off and Spencer thought he had died. Not in a bad way, more in a "I'm so turned on by this I feel like I've genuinely gone to heaven," sort of way. He didn't think it was possible for a sexual encounter to make him feel like that but it did. It didn't stop after that either, which was the most agitating part.

Spencer doesn't consider himself a sexual person. Sex is about intimacy and companionship, and hopefully love when he finds that someday. Sex isn't necessarily about pleasure but that wasn't an easy lesson to learn.

Spencer just wanted to understand - so like any great genius he participated in thought experiments. It's normally a female superhero/supervillain that crosses his mind (he has an affinity for Poison Ivy), and he just kinda imagines what it would be like if they did what she did. The choking turned him on, but it wasn't enough. Through that, he figures out that he had more than a choking kink and that he was more than a little interested in a partner having complete access to him. He thought about it for weeks and the getting off was working for him but he couldn't get the fantasy out of his head. He wanted more - he wanted someone to fulfill his wishes.

It was too much for him to ignore. Those months of being able to hold off through masturbating are over and he's just sorta itching. Aching to act on those impulses with another person who can give him what he needs, and he doesn't want it to be transactional. Maybe it's too ideal to want a partner out of such an endeavor but was it so wrong? To want real affection and romance from someone who could also overpower him wasn't a crime and he'd be damned if he pretended to want any less. Spencer was just searching, even if it was rather desperately.

So, when Spencer finds himself on a BDSM dating site and he feels like his life is in shambles, he can only blame himself. It's not something he'd normally do but he's getting a little more than relentless about it but he also just wants to see what's out there. He's so out of it was it happens, it felt like he was being possessed as he made a fake email and wrote out his account information. Definitely blaming it on possession, he thinks.

It's too late to go back, as he scrolls through tons of profiles of rather intense looking people. He's not surprised, this is where people go to express themselves. They're entitled to that, it just sucks since he's just not ready for such levels of intensity. He wonders if he's in too deep yet, but he figures he'd hit that mark a long time ago and keeps scrolling through profiles. There wasn't much to go off of, many people not choosing to use photos for the sake of anonymity, which was good for Spencer. He clicks onto his own profile, reading his own bio carefully.

USERNAME: DOC187

SUB/ SWITCH / DOM

M / F / O

FETISHES: N/A

BIO: Interest in a dominant female companion. Completely inexperienced.

Spencer feels ridiculous, but he doubts anyone would even message him. He doesn't have much on his profile and he keeps things short for that purpose. He wanted to stay as low to the ground as possible - more curious to explore what was going in the world than to find anything legitimate. He scrolls through hundreds of profiles, mostly of people who were BDSM vets looking for new connections or fun. Some people catch his eye but they don't match his interests so he doesn't bother.

Except, one profile. The bio was beyond interesting to Spencer.

USERNAME: MISS—LILAC

SUB / SWITCH / DOM

M / F / O

FETISHES: Sadomasochist, Degradation, Humiliation, Pegging, Overstimulation, Edging, Crossdressing, Exhibitionism, Mutual Masturbation, Dacryphilia, Shibari/Gags/Bondage, Wax Play, Impact Play, Breath Play, General Sensation Play, Discipline, Collaring, Begging. Willing to try most things.

BIO: Interested in submissive males of any experience level. Helps if you're interesting and like to read and watch indie films. Looking for genuine connection and plenty of good banter. Curly hair is nice too. lol.

Before Spencer can think about it for too long his mouse clicks over that stupid little message button next to your profile. Spencer shakes his head at his own existence as he types you a message. Says you're online right now, but Spencer's sure he won't get a response for a while.

DOC187: Seems I fit who you're interested in. I even have the curly hair.

Spencer chews on his nails anxiously before he sighs at himself. He has no clue what's gotten into him belle before he can think he sees your 3-dotted bubble pop up. He feels his body wracked with nerves.

MISS—LILAC: I'm guessing you like to read and watch indie films too?

Spencer smiles. You seem interesting and the fact that the two of you were just talking normal was making Spencer happy.

DOC187: Indeed. I'm a sucker for 15-century literature and anything in Russian and foreign language. You?

MISS—LILAC: 15th century huh? I'll assume Chaucer. And Russian? You're interesting, doc. I'm more modern and English, hope you're not deterred.

Spencer smiles, surprised that you recognize an author as niche as Chaucer. He shakes his head at your commentary. He almost forgets that both of you are on a BDSM dating site and the irony doesn't escape him.

DOC187: Deterred? Never. I think you're rather interesting too, Miss Lilac.

MISS—LILAC: Ever the gentleman doc. I'm hoping you won't run away if I ask you more personal questions.

Spencer swallows. He types back quickly.

DOC187: What kinds of questions?

MISS—LILAC: If it's okay, you're real name and what you do. My names Y/N, and I'm a florist. I live in DC and I love romance novels.

Spencer smiles. He appreciates you laying down the path for him, knowing the stakes.

DOC187: My names Spencer and I work for the FBI. I also live in DC, and I love magic.

MISS—LILAC: Magic? I'd love for you to show me sometime.

Spencer swallows. Part of him feels like it's a stupid idea to ask you out so early but if you asked, he'd likely say yes. He decides to wait it out.

DOC187: I'd be more than happy to show you.

MISS—LILAC: I suppose you could send me a video but that's not the same as seeing the magic in real life, now is it?

Spencer is smiling like an idiot at this point. He shakes his head a little, jittery.

DOC187: Infinitely better live, I would say.

MISS—LILAC: Seems like I've found an excuse to ask you on a date then. Saturday's work for me but I'm sure it depends on you, FBI man. Before that, I'm gonna drop my number and I'll be expecting your call. (XXX-XXX-XXXX)

Spencer giggles. It's a little out of range for things he's used to doing, giggling aloud for someone else is certainly new. Spencer picks up his phone and dials away, anxious to call you but excited nonetheless. He heard you pick up the phone and his heart catches in his throat.

"Hello?," Your voice is smooth, and a little bit lower than he was expecting. It sounds pretty.

"Hello, Y/N," Spencer says back. He heard you laugh on the other side and can't help the way his heart flutters.

"Lovely to talk to you doc,"

"Still Doc? Not Spencer?" Spencer questions. You smile on the other side of the line.

"Doc seems to fit you. But, for the sake of formality, hello Spencer,"

"I like Doc too, but it feels like I should have a nickname for you as well. Only seems fair," Spencer says laughing quietly.

"If it's your prerogative you can call me Miss Lilac, or just Miss but..." you trail off for a minute. Spencer squints.

"Miss is a title, you know? Doesn't seem fair for you to call me that when I haven't earned it from you yet. I'm sure we'll get there but for now you can just call me Y/N," you say softly. Spencer blushes bright red, his voice betraying him as he speaks.

"O-Oh, well um - where does the name Lilac come from? Normally people go with their names when it comes to stuff like that," Spencer says shyly. He heard you laugh on the other side of the phone and blushes again, grateful you can't see him.

"I love the language of flowers and flowers themselves. It's a way to speak that not many people know - but I like the meaning and look of lilacs. White lilacs represent purity, so that was a bit of irony, but light purple lilacs mean first love," you say carefully.

"First love?," Spencer asks. You bite your lip for a moment.

"I joke that BDSM is my first love since it's such a big part of my life. Not as big as some but not small for certain. It gave me much needed confidence so I joke that it was my first," You say lightly. You hear Spencer giggle on the other side and you smile.

"What about your username? Any significance to DOC187 that I should know of?," you readjust your seat on your couch as you talk. Spencer grows a bit embarrassed.

"I normally introduce myself as Doctor Spencer Reid for work, not a medical doctor but I have three PhD's," Spencer admits. You raise your brows but hear the hesitation in his voice.

"Very, very impressive doc. What about the 187? It could be a plain ol' number but my guess would be otherwise,"

"That's my IQ, actually. I don't think intelligence can be boiled down and quantified like that but I couldn't think of anything else," Spencer explains.

"So you're a certified genius with 3 PhD's? To say I'm impressed is an understatement. Anything else impressive you'd like to tell me before I totally pick your brains," you say a little shocked.

"You wanna pick my brains?," Spencer asks. You wanna laugh at the irony of such a silly question from such an intelligent man but you refrain.

"Who wouldn't?," you say incredulously. Spencer smiles shyly.

"The only other thing is that I can read 20,000 words per minute," Spencer says trying to deflect. Your jaw dropped before but it manages to unhinge a little further.

"There's a lot to get to know about you Doctor Reid,"

"I'm sure it's the same for you," Spencer replies.

"Guess we'll have to find out won't we?," you say smiling.

Damn, Spencer got lucky. Hopefully he'd get to find out soon

_____

"Reid, are you listening?," Derek's voice snaps Spencer out of his entranced state. His smiling expression snaps up to look at Derek who looks a little exasperated.

"Sorry, what was that?," Spencer asks back. Derek puts down the case file they were working on. They had just finished a case and needed to complete some paperwork before submitting it for review and to be used in court. The job was given to him and Morgan and Spencer was evidently distracted.

"Alright, kid - what is up with you? All case you've been checking your phone non-stop and spacing out, all smiles and giggles. C'mon now kid, seriously. You got a little lady at home waiting for you or is there something else I don't know about?," Derek interrogates. Spencer doesn't really know what to make of it, though it's not really in his interest to hide you, it hasn't really come up with anyone on the team yet so it was proving difficult to decide what to do. The smile on his face manages to appear again as he starts to think about you, the tips of his ears red.

"Reid," Morgan says again, with a small look of irritation.

"Her names Y/N," Spencer blurts out faster than he can't think. Derek gives him a huge grin, holding his hand out to dap Spencer up. Spencer just looks at it confused for a second before getting the memo.

"'My man," Derek says chuckling. Before Spencer can continue Prentiss, JJ, and Garcia walk in. Hotch is the only one missing, and Spencer's a little grateful.

"What are we celebrating in here you guys?," Prentiss asks first. Spencer goes to say something to move away from his sudden confession but Derek is quick to cut him off.

"Our boy genius over here got him a little lady," Derek announces. The whole team erupts in questions and Spencer wants to bury himself.

"Congratulations, Spencer!! How long have you two been dating?," Prentiss asks.

"You guys are so dramatic. It's only been two months but no first date because well..." Spencer trails off. JJ just nods her head.

"Duty calls, I'm guessing" JJ finishes. Spencer nods deflated hearing Emily draw a breath between her teeth.

"That's tough, Spence,"

Just as Spencer goes to give a response back he gets a text from you that makes his day a little better. It's a selfie of you at work, a picture your employee must've taken of you in a room full of new flower deliveries. You're giving Spencer a toothy grin as you hold a bunch of gardenias in your hand.

Y/N 🌸: *image attachment*

Gardenias// You're lovely + Secret Love <33

Spencer cannot control the way his whole face bunches up in a smile, as if there's no one else in the room with him. Everyone just looks at him surprised, Garcia giving him a side-eye.

"How can you guys trust this stranger? We don't even know who she is! I haven't even run any background checks on her," Garcia complains. Prentiss nudges her side.

"I don't know if it matters - look at how hard he's smiling over there," Prentiss says. Garcia reluctantly looks and can't help but sigh.

"Okay well he seems really happy but still! We don't even know her," she pouts.

"I'm sure we'll meet her soon," JJ snickers at Spencer's lovestruck expression. Derek leans over Spencer's shoulder and raises his brows.

"Is that her, kid?," Derek asks. Spencer nods, simply staring at the picture you sent. Derek whistles when he sees you - you're genuinely stunning and he's surprised to say the least.

"Hot mama, pretty boy - how'd you manage that?," Derek asks, dumbfounded. Emily rolls her eyes.

"C'mon Derek, I'm sure - oh wow," Emily leans over Spencer's shoulder to see you and is met with the same reaction. JJ and Garcia are quick to follow thereafter, both looking equally as surprised.

"She's..." JJ trails off. The rest of the team just nods as Spencer grins ear to ear.

Spencer 🐻: Beautiful, as always.

Spencer ignores the rest of the team as they look at each other in disbelief.

Y/N🌸: Me or the flowers, Doc?

Spencer🐻: Both, but mostly you.

"Wow, Spencer you're really -" Prentiss starts

"You're whipped, kid. I mean seriously whipped," Derek finishes, nodding in agreement. JJ can't help but smile, giving Spencer a small pat on the back.

"She seems lovely, Spencer. How'd you two meet?," JJ says. Garcia stands around looking rather suspicious. A blush creeps onto Spencer's neck as he's reminded of how you two met.

"Online," Spencer says shortly. No one decides to question it, and Spencer thanks every god he can think of.

"Have you two FaceTimed yet? How can we know she's not, I don't know - catfishing you? Or scamming you in some other cyber criminal way?," Garcia sounds distressed. Spencer gives a small smile.

"We fall asleep over FaceTime every night," Spencer admits. Penelope's expression falls, and Prentiss gives a smile.

"That is disgustingly cute," JJ says laughing.

"Okay, well - I'm still running a background check on her," Garcia says stubbornly "But, I'm happy for you,"

"Thanks Garcia," Spencer mumbles out as he texts you again.

Y/N🌸: I wanna see you, love

Spencer blushes red as he reads your message. The word love makes his whole face hot.

Spencer🐻: I can't take a selfie for my life

Y/N🌸: You're with your team aren't you? Get them to take a picture of you.

Spencer wants to fold away, not ever really being the picture type, but how could he ever deny you.

Spencer🐻: How could I ever say no to you?

"Hey guys, can one of you take a picture of me for Y/N?" Spencer asks embarrassingly red. The whole team sends him a look of surprise.

"I'll take it Spence, try not to look as uncomfortable as you do right now," JJ says. The whole team refrains from laughing as Spencer gives an awkward smile. He thanks JJ who hands him back his phone before texting you again.

Spencer🐻: *image attachment* You owe me one

Y/N🌸: you're stunning as always. hadn't seen you in so long I almost forgot what you looked like.

Spencer🐻: stunnings an interesting choice of words.

Y/N🌸: I said what I said, doc.

Spencer can't help but do a little giggle, that causes the whole team to give him a look. Morgan just shakes his head, shrugging. Emily, JJ, and Garcia just look at each other before the room draws into a subtle but comfortable silence as Spencer just smiles, totally unaware of how whipped he happened to look. He didn’t seem to mind either way.

___

"How was work?," Spencer asks over the phone, kicking his shoes off as he looks into his fridge for something to eat. He hears you sigh on the other side of the line.

"Busy today - wedding season is coming up so tons of calls for centerpiece designs and costs. It's going well though, business couldn't be better," you say, clearly tired yet content. Spencer gives a small smile and feels relieved that things are going okay for you.

"That's really good. I'm glad you're feeling alright," Spencer replies. You ease into the couch as you talk to Spencer, relaxing by the second.

"What about you, FBI man? You have an okay day?," Your voice is full of a gentle concern that Spencer appreciates.

"Yeah, just paperwork and JJ said that we shouldn't have any upcoming cases this week to be worried about so I have the weekend off," Spencer says without thought.

"Have any special plans for the weekend?," you say cheekily. Spencer, still not having caught on, shakes his head for a second.

"No, why?,"

"Hm... well - would you like to go on a date with me then Doctor Reid?," You ask, giggling. Spencer's eyes widen in realization as he facepalms for a moment.

"Wow, I didn't even think... yes - yes I would love to go on a date with you Y/N," Spencer says laughing at his own misfortune. You shake your head instinctively, but the growing smile and even further growing adoration makes it hard to sit still.

"Hey, Spencer," you say, butterflies filling your stomach.

"Yeah?"

"I really like you,"

____

Saturday comes quicker than Spencer can really understand. You told him not to worry about what the days plans would be but he can't help it. Anxiously awaiting you in front of the cafe that the two of you were supposed to meet at, in a part of town Spencer hasn't really seen before. You said that you'd lead the way and the irony isn't lost on him.

"Spencer?," Your voice is small, as you call out to what you think is Spencer Reid. Of course, you'd seen him before but to see him in person like this was still so unfamiliar. His head shoots up, eyes searching for you. He's delighted to have found you, certainly that was true as he walks towards you. Your arms envelop him in a friendly hug and he can't help but find himself sinking into. You smelled sweet, like fruit and flowers (which makes sense, the more he thinks about it)

"Lovely to finally meet you, Y/N,"

"Same goes for you, doc. Would you like to be informed of our plans for the day, or do you prefer the element of surprise?," You ask smiling. Spencer laughs at your question.

"Details would be appreciated, but I get the feeling you're not gonna give me those."

"You're right! It's a trick question, since it's a surprise. But, promise it'll be good,"

"I'll take your word for it then," Spencer says with a small smile. You hold your hand out for Spencer which he accepts, locking his hands with yours. The affection makes him feel full of warmth, as you lead him away for the day you had planned for the both of you.

___

Spencer underestimated how well you knew him. He really, really did. It's hard to explain since Spencers been on a date before but this was so profoundly different. He's a little touched, but beyond that he's just.. surprised? Every date he'd been on before this, he'd have to play the gentleman but it never seemed like the other person was interested in just him. It was always casual small-talk over dinner, or a mid-day coffee date or something else that just felt mundane but this was beyond Spencer's imagination.

The first place you took him was a bookstore - which was in Spencers mind already a winner for best date he'd ever been on. You walked inside with him and told him he had to pick up a book for you and you had to pick up a book for him and to say his heart absolutely fluttered would be an understatement. He picked up up a copy of "The Screwtape Tales," by C.S. Lewis for you, and you gave him a copy of Shel Silverstein's "Where The Sidewalk Ends." For you, you got a glimpse to see what Spencer's sense of humor was and you gave Spencer a piece of your childhood. Both equal but opposite forms of intimacy. The only thing was Spencer had to wait to read his book because it's relatively shorter than yours and he reads 20,000 words per minute.

The next place you took Spencer was an indoor butterfly garden. Does he have to explain why that's a good date? He heard you talk about all the scientific names for the different flowers and why they attract butterflies and he wasn't sure he could crush any harder on you if he tried. A particular moment sticks out to him on which a butterfly landed on your shoulders and just stayed there like it didn't want to leave. Spencer's eyes were fixated on it the whole time - and he had never wanted to be a butterfly in his life before but he figures there's a first time for everything.

The last place, where the both of you were at now was just a small coffee shop, locally owned and supported by the community here. You told Spencer that when you started up your shop, you'd come in here to work on big orders before you'd expanded enough to have employees. Spencer admires your work ethic, much more than he could ever anticipate as he sits down at a small booth, totally covering the both of you as you return to the table with a little plate of banana bread and two iced coffees. Spencer pouts as he looks up at you, watching you flash him a grin.

"I could've helped you carry this over," Spencer complains gently. You roll your eyes.

"Maybe next time doc," you say softly. You hold back your commentary often on the date, and Spencer pretends not to notice for your sake but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wanna know. You always had something sly to say but you'd kept it from him so many times now he figures it's better if he didn't ask.

Spencer looks at you as you push a plate of banana bread towards him. He looks at you with curious eyes before reading your clearly excited face and laughs. He picks up a piece and examines it, before taking a bite. If it tasted as good as it smelled then he would be more than obliged.

The involuntary moan that escapes Spencer's throat makes you choke with laughter. Shit, you weren't kidding when you said this was the best banana bread in the city. Spencer just looks up at you like he's about to cry with joy as you double over in giggles.

"I know," You say softly, taking a bite yourself eyes filling with joy "I ordered some more for us to take home - you're welcome," you say with confidence. Spencer smiles because that is genuinely thoughtful, but it was more endearing to see you pretend it wasn't. He just shakes his head, a blush arising to his face as he looks at you. You're staring at him with intent. He quirks his brow at you in question.

"I had a good time today, Spencer" You say warmly. You only called him Spencer when you were saying something affectionate and a bit serious. He gives you a toothy smile.

"I haven't been on very many dates, but this was easily the best one I'd ever been on," Spencer says honestly. You grin ear to ear, hands carefully holding Spencer across the table, running your thumb over his knuckles for a few seconds. You couldn't say for sure whether it was too soon to ask him to be your boyfriend, but you'd be damned if you said it didn't cross your mind.

Spencer was mind-numbingly unaware of what good boyfriend material he was, but beyond that - what good submissive boyfriend material he was. It was driving you nuts, but you knew this was all new for him and you didn't wanna freak him out. Even when guys say they're interested in being submissive, they're still often times uncomfortable with you being fully dominant. Dominant in public and in bed, if you will. You wanted to pay for dates, and buy him flowers, and make him feel special too - at least on the occasion. That role came naturally to you, that let me make you feel owned type affection that only a dominant person can give. It scared men off - out of relationships, and you totally got why - but you liked Spencer too much as a person to risk iit.

Spencer holds your hands together, gathering your attention. You looked at him spaced out and he gives you a look of concern.

"You okay?," Spencer asks. You nod, chewing your lip in debate of whether or not you should express your concerns. Spencer just tugs on your hand and looks at you intently.

You sigh, looking at Spencer softly.

"I'm okay I just really like you," you say a little exasperated. Spencer laughs but is filled with relief.

"I'm glad to hear that. What else is on your mind?,"

"I really like you - like in an, I want you to officially by my boyfriend way and I hope it's not too soon but I'm just, worried I guess," you say nervously. Spencer can't help the way his heart beats in his chest when he hears you say boyfriend. God did he want to be your boyfriend.

"What're you worried about?,"

"I'm worried about freaking you out. I can be a lot since I'm... you know?," You say nervously. Spencer looks at you to continue.

"I'm more than just dominant in bed, and for a lot of guys it's not their thing and that's their right but I like you so much. I really don't want that to happen if I ask you out now and you realize that it's not for you," you say in clear upset.

Spencer looks at you in disbelief. You were worried that he was gonna freak out over that? That you were too dominant for him? It feels like such a silly concern but the expression on your face tells him you're speaking from experience.

"I mean, it's all kinda new to me but, well - I do like how you treat me? It's a nice change, I can't imagine myself getting tired of it, or of you. I really like you too," Spencer tried his best to reassure you without totally embarrassing you. You smiles at Spencer but your face is still full of doubt.

"If that ever changes, I'll tell you but I'd really like to call you my girlfriend," Spencer finishes. You can't help the warmth that spreads in your stomach at the offer. You just nod, looking up at him. You stand and walk to Spencer's side of the booth, sliding in next to him, leaning your head into his shoulder for a few while seconds. You sit back up, and Spencer turns to you.

"Hey, doc," you say softly. Spencer hums in acknowledgement.

"Can I kiss you?," you ask softly. Spencer chews his lip and nods, looking down at your lip. You're wearing lipgloss and it makes them look pretty - you are so pretty to Spencer.

Kisses are their own language, Spencer figures. The way someone kisses you can tell you a lot about who they are - so, when you put your hands on the side of Spencer's face, pulling him closer to you with such care and adoration - Spencer can feel what you were referencing earlier. The word Miss rings out in his mind, the way you pay attention to him with your hands. He feels your lips press against his, slowly gliding your fingers in his hair, thumb brushing agains the side of his cheek. Your other hand rested on his inner thigh and he has to think about anything other than that not to get hard. Spencer didn't get how much he'd been thinking about touching you until you'd do with no hesitation and he lets out a small whine. You pull back and Spencer has to catch his breath.

His lashes blink up at you and you're absolutely beaming.

"You're cute baby,"

Baby? Spencer wants to cover his face when you say it. You kiss him again and he can't help but feel flush.

You were Spencer's girlfriend and then some and he couldn't be more happy.

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid smut #spencer reid angst #spencer reid oneshot #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #Criminal Minds #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fluff #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds x y/n #sub!spencer #sub!spencer reid #so nervous abt uploading this lol

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awsugar · 3 years

Text

i was tagged by @andwegrowcold for this!!

1. Why did you chose your url

i came back to being an mcr blog from being a fob blog for a few years and i needed an mcr url and this one was available! having a canon url is so sexy of me and i hope i’ve ruined jetset life for the people who don’t like me SDJFKS

2. Any sideblogs?

@shotgunsin (aes) @fromperditions (spn) @mcrsecrets (inactive now but a legend i think) @mlmdan (dan and phil hardly used anymore lol)

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

:| 12+ years

4. Do you have a queue tag?

i generally never run on a queue but i’ve started using it again now that i’m working again. my queue tag is ‘im gonna make queue bend and break’ from thnks fr th mrmrs but i think at some point in the past i also used ‘i hope queue do the same’ to fit in with my url and im constantly wondering if i should go back to that lol

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

someone sent a link to imnotokay.net where i was most active to a tumblr post with travie mccoy and a lemur and i was like ok i need to join this website

6. Why did you chose your icon/pfp?

hes pretty :)

7. Why did you choose your header?

idk my mobile theme is trash i put no effort into it, it’s a pic i took at a frank show

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

this text post. exactly 477k notes at the time of posting this lol.

9. How many mutuals do you have?

uh no idea almost everyone i follow is a mutual

10. How many followers do yo have?

20.7k (lots are inactive at this point)

11. How many people do you follow?

829 (also lots of inactives)

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

i think i make shitposts daily

13. How often do yo use tumblr a day?

i come on for a few hours most nights usually and sometimes ill post during the afternoon if i have something to say

14. Have you ever had an argument/fight with another blog?

lmao yes

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

i don’t usually reblog them don’t tell me what to do

16. Do you like tag games?

yes i really like to be tagged in stuff!!

17. Do you like ask games?

yes i love to get anons and to talk about myself <3

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i mean i have a handful of mutuals who have a lot of followers for an mcr blog but none of my mutuals are like, famous to tumblr at large lol. as far as i know

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

20. Tags

uh ok i never know who to tag in things obviously no pressure to do this but im’ tagging: @iero @bringmoreknives @punkwildebeest @pomesa @hexgh0ul and anyone who wants to do it can say they were tagged by me!

#tag games #long post

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majorxmaggiexboy · 3 years

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idk if i’m actually going to attempt to participate but i still want to make a little list of Tober/Tember prompts and ideas of what to do with them. also tagging @f-ro-g bc New Pack. Every time i do one of these i start forgetting every media i’ve ever consumed so we’re going to see if i can at least get more than like three different fandoms on here. Might or might not come back through and flesh these out with actual details later on.

Whumptober Ideas

1) All Trussed Up and Nowhere to Go/”You have to let go”/Barbed Wire/Bound - Hadestown, full stop. The whole prompt is Hadestown. It’s in the lyrics, even. It is this post that makes me finally notice the “Keep on walking and don’t look back” line in Wait For Me and i’m so angry right now

2) Talking is Overrated/Garotte/Choking/Gagged - I’m thinking a rewrite of my first Three Musketeers fic just because it was funny the first time around and also wouldn’t take much Effort. Next.

3) Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But.../Taunting/Insults/”Who did this to you?”

The Bradmadge Brawl of S2E1 but with passion and malice next question

4) Trust Fall/”Do you trust me?”/Taken Hostage/Pushed

Nothing springs immediately to mind but i’m leaning toward Psych or The New Pack

5) Red In My Ledger/Betrayal/Misunderstanding/Broken Nose

*slams hand on table* New Pack. Mordaunt. It writes itself.

6) Touch and Go/Bruises/Touch-Starved/Hunger

On-Drakon we’re going to give Arman and Mira some love even if only two people on this website even know them.

7) My Spidey-Sense is Tingling/Helplessness/Numbness/Blindness

TASM just for the sake of it? Undecided

8) Coughing Up a Lung/Pneumothorax/Exotic Illness/”Definitely Just a Cold”

Ben Tallmadge and the Delaware Dive next question

9) Rumors of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated/Presumed Dead/Blind Rage/Tears

Bucky it’s your turn babe

10) Oops, I Did It Again/Hospital/Flare-Up/Ice Chips

Ben you’re going back in the Delaware it’ll be so funny

11) Just Keep Swimming/Adrift/Drowning/Dehydration

Personally i think having a third Ben vs. Water fic would be the funniest possible move but Grimaud or Mordaunt could also work here

12) It’ll Be Fun, They Said/Torture/Made to Watch/Begging

Jean-Olivier comes to mind but hmmmmm there was also that one TURN S3 au that could work

13) That’s Gonna Leave a Mark/This Is Gonna Suck/Burns/Cauterization

Hmmmmmm OH! OH! Raoul! The New Pack. Done.

14) Under Pressure/Crush Injuries/Beaten/Force

It says Force and Force is Star Wars so naturally this is Mando’s number.

15) Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever/Delirium/Fever Dream/Bees

Ben Tallmadge guess what....

16) On a Need-to-Know Basis/Recovery/Scars/Aftermath

I’m thinking the Psych Not-Ghost AU would work here but there are certainly other options.

17) Field-Care 101/”Please don’t move!”/Hemorrhage/Dread

Might go with something Leverage right here just because i just watched Leverage. Nothing’s jumping immediately to mind. Warm Bodies could also work though.

18) The Doctor is In/”Now smile for the camera!”/Doctor’s visit/CPR

I’m thinking Reid just because Dr. and i’ve never been able to write Doctor Who so. What other Doctor characters are there. McStuffins isn’t in the running here. Oh! We could do something MCU, Bruce is a Doctor isn’t he? God can you imagine Dr. Hulk trying to

19) Just a Scratch/Bitten/Bleeding/Stabbing

Didn’t ... d’Artagnan once utter the phrase “it’s just a scratch” in relation to someth.....first episode, i think? Great so we have a winner, good job everybody.

20) Lost & Found/Trunk/Trapped underwater/Solitary Confinement

Weirdly Mando is the first character to come to mind. Someone beat me to 80% of my other idea but there’s potential.

21) That’s Where the Blood’s Supposed to Be/Bleeding Through Bandages/Pressure/Blood-Matted Hair

Let’s be real the only two options for this one are Bucky or Eliot and they’re virtually the same character so where does that leave me

22) They Made Me Do It/Cursed/Demon/Obsession

*vague wave* Merlin ?

23) You Break It, You Buy It/Auction/Ransom/Pursuit

That one 3M au with Athos and the big mix-up and the Oops and all the...stuff, yeah. That works.

24) One Down, Two to Go/Self-Induced Injuries to Escape/Flashback/Revenge

Holy sh- i didn’t see this one initially. I mean? Jean? Ow.

25) Hide & Seek/Escape/Flight/Hiding

Psych? Orrrrr....TGM?

26) You Will Go Down With This Ship/Fallen/Waterfall/Trap Door

I’m trying to think of literally anything i’ve ever read or watched that’s got a ship in it ummmmmmm hey what if we interpret “ship” as yeaaaah let’s do another Mando one that’ll work

27) “I’m Fine, I Prom...”/Passing Out/Vertigo/Collapse

I mean..... .... ... is there a character this doesn’t work for though? Wait. No actually let’s do Childermass since he gets that what is it an allergic reaction to magic? I mean i know Segundus gets like that to so....ha let’s make it be Both of them.

28) It’s Not Just In Your Head/”Good, you’re finally awake”/Nightmares/Panic

First thought is New Pack but it might take some pondering.

29) All Work and No Play/”You’re still not dead?”/Too weak to move/overworked

it’s like Civil War but with Bucky and Jean-Olivier having an all-out brawl good lord it’s an either/or situation.

30) Digging Your Grave/Major Character Death/Left For Dead/Ghosts

*shot of choc milk* the exact TURN AU i was Just thinking about yesterday,,,

31) Hurt & Comfort/Disaster Zone/Trauma/Prisoner

I feel like i need to put Gwynplaine here just because he hasn’t had a turn yet

Alt. Prompts

1) Losing Control

Arman. Very obviously extramuch Arman definitely. Let’s have another one with the involuntary dragon himbo.

2) Threats

*chin hands* trying to think of a character who gets threatened a lot. will circle back. I’m actually thinking Psych again but idk.

3) Caning

Ro we’ve genuinely discussed about 16 different variations on this one i think it’s Time

4) Mercy

MORDAUNT MORDAUNT NEXT QUESTION

5) Forgotten

Is it time for Jack Frost of all people to make an appearance or is this just Bucky again

6) Head Injury

It would be real easy to just put the headbonk au here but i’m going to try to show some restraint and do a different headbonk story

7) Screaming

Going to assign Gwynplaine here just because he really has been neglected in this lineup and also it would probably be good for him to vent a little bit in this manner

8) Comfort

Someone’s going to get petted like a cat and i just haven’t decided whomst but when i do it’s over for everybody

9) Self-Sacrifice

What do i even say to that i Feels like another New Pack but it’s still up for grabs tbh

10) Trapped

Tempted to pour one out and just say Bucky but idk idk we’ll think of something this is very much a first draft stream of thought general idea planning session

11) Near Death Experience

It would be hilarious to just put something like Meet Joe Black for this one but WAIT NO NO GO BACK ACTUALLY WARM BODIES LET’S DO WARM BODIES

12) Regret

It’s gotta either be Psych or TURN

13) Tragedy

My first thought is to do a damn Hannibal fic without ever having actually watched the show just because i’m still angry about how i read it ended but considering that i only know the characters’ voices from tumblr chatposts i feel like that’s not the best venue to

heck we might just do New Pack

14) Battlefield

Either TURN or New Pack or....the song’s a little bit dramatic for a Bucky but actually....unless? no....but Maybe,

15) Anxiety

Every character i’ve ever cared about could potentially fit right here so :/ Arman could have 3rd ficlet but again, literally every character, i,,,,,they’ve all got anxiety X’D

#long post

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