#i need book therapy
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I will be starting to run again as part of my work outs if only to help fight against the urge to not spontaneously quit my job and move to a cabin in the woods.
#you have no idea how close i am to do this#who cares about money?#i need sanity#and nature#and to feel like something matters#not enough chocolate stored in my desk today#i need book therapy
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Me starting GTN after hearing about it from a friend: NEEEEEEED the bone lesbians to kiss
Me finishing NTN: love is all around me and god needs to die.
#these books make me insane#how the Fuck do I cope#tlt series#i came for lesbians I left with trauma. and lesbians.#this series is the reason I need therapy and the therapy itself#you can’t take loved away#tlt#tlt memes#gtn#htn#griddlehark#alecto the ninth#Gideon the ninth#ntn#nona the ninth#john gaius#gideon nav#harrowhark nonagesimus#Jod#the emperor undying#the locked tomb#1k
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What if after book 7, the boys decided to punish Lilia in the funniest way?
They make him eat marshmallows for all the heartache and tears he caused.
🦇Lilia: *piles of marshmallows in front of him* Isn’t this overkill?
🐉Malleus: *smirks and summons ten more bags worth*
🦇Lilia: *panicking* Silver! Sebek! MC! You must agree this is too much!
⚔️Silver: *deadpan, opens another bag and drops it onto his father’s plate*
🐊Sebek: *clearly wants to support Lilia but opens another bag anyways*
🌺MC: *smiles, grabs a couple more bags*
🐉Malleus: Now, now, you shouldn’t play with your food. Eat up, there’s more where that came from.
🦇Lilia: …
#I know this isn’t going to happen but lolol imagine???#they all need therapy and they need to talk but I also think Lilia deserves some punishment and what better way than sweet marshmallows#twst silver#sebek zigvolt#malleus draconia#lilia vanrouge#twst mc#twst yuu#diasomnia#twst book 7#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twst#silver vanrouge
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At the end of my latest TLT reread and it’s been physically painful attempting to read the last 40+ pages of Nona. Like, the short shrift that Gideon/Kiriona gets given by the people in the story…the theoretical good guys who honestly only see her as a thing, as a means to an end with an inconvenient dead soul attached to it… It makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest.
Nobody has cared about Gideon her whole life. Most people, in fact, if they remembered about her at all, went out of their way to tell her how much they wished she didn’t exist. In the final chapters of Gideon, she finally gets the thing she’s been desperate for her whole life: somebody telling her that they need her, they care that she exists, and they badly want her to go on doing it. This allows her to make peace with the prospect that at the ripe old age of 18, she needs to die so that that person can go on living and living and living, using the castrated remnants of her soul as fuel to do so. Not a great way to go, but at least Gideon would get to be useful to somebody, would get to be remembered for something.
And then she wakes up in the wrong body, and finds out that her sacrifice - her attempt to be useful in the most selfless way possible, in that her self will no longer exist - has been rejected. And not only that, but the person she tried to give herself to - the one who was supposed to care about her - went to extreme lengths to make completely sure that she no longer remembered about Gideon.
She literally cut Gideon out of her brain.
And now, drifting along in the worst sort of half life where she’s inhabiting her body but it’s no longer really hers, in very obvious fashion - there’s holes in it, her heart is missing, and it’s got her shitty father’s handprints all over it (not even touching how much of a violation that is), indelibly - she finally meets back up with the small group of people who could theoretically be relied upon to be glad to see her again.
But then the one who was supposed to care about her most tries to kiss her (massively OOC for Harrow), and turns out to not even be there - it’s some weird baby inhabiting her body, and doing a really shit job of it too. The rest of them won’t stop talking about how they need her to break into the Tomb - as if she was just another key, same as the ones they worked together to acquire in Canaan House, just bigger and more inconvenient - and/or how they both fucked and killed her mom, who also (surprise, surprise) wished that Gideon had never existed, but saw her as a thing that needed to be done for the good of the mission.
Ultimately, they all make it abundantly clear - Palamedes, Camilla, Pyrrha, and especially Nona, all these people who are supposed to be kind and good and right - that they would prefer she wasn’t there. That it just be her body, with no Gideon attached - at least not Gideon the way she is now, broken and rejected and miserable. They would all far have preferred that she not have her own inconvenient thoughts and feelings and desires and impulses - that she just be inanimate and let the important people, the grown ups, get things done.
They wish she didn’t exist. Same as everybody else in her life, save one, and now she’s left wondering whether Harrow really meant it at all. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have left Gideon to Kiriona’s fate.
And honestly? Really, truly? I know everybody in the fandom loves Pal and Cam and Nona and Pyrrha, but in the end I couldn’t give less of a shit about them. They are fucking side characters, and as intriguing as Nona has been from a worldbuilding standpoint, I ultimately resent having been forced to read 400+ pages of filler bullshit about fucking side characters. I am a butch, and I’m here for my sarcastic, loving, angry, vulnerable, forgiving, and yes, inconvenient sword butch. I’m here for Gideon. But Gideon has been fridged for the last two books of the series in which she is supposed to be a, if not the, main character.
And it feels like almost nobody else in the fandom feels the same way, which, fine. I’m used to that. I’m also used to being told I’m projecting; and I’m used to being told that I’m inconvenient too, in my thoughts and my opinions and the mere fact of my existence. I spent the first eighteen years of my life being told I was inconvenient. Yet another point of overidentification with Gideon.
But in case anybody still thinks that Nona proves that Gideon was an asshole all along, think about all of the above. Think about how it would make you feel to come back from not just death but from the erasure of your existence, something you chose in order to save the life of someone you loved, and be told that you’re inconvenient. Think about how you’d feel if you’d been told all your life that it would be better for everyone if you didn’t exist. And then tell me that Kiriona isn’t in the right and that I should give a rat’s ass what happens to literally anybody else.
It’s Kiriona Hours up in this House, butches. We’ve spent long enough caring about people who would prefer we weren’t around. For once in our entire lives we were told we were important; we were told we mattered; we were told we were the main character. We were going to, if not get the girl and save the world, at least get to do something real, something important, something like being the hero.
But that’s over now; we’re back to being wrong and bad and inconvenient thanks to the simple fact of our existence. So it’s time to embrace it. Let’s be a little shit. Let’s be kind of a dick. Let’s have our own agenda, let’s play our cards close to our heartless chest, let’s allow our circle of empathy to contract to ourselves and maybe one more person. That’s where I’m at right now. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
#the locked tomb#kiriona gaia#harrowhark nonagesimus#griddlehark#gideon nav#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#nona the ninth#sorry if this makes 0 sense#but also sorry not sorry bc I don’t care#and neither do you if you’re being honest with yourself#go enjoy thinking about your little masc Lyctor fusion and leave me alone to not rot when I’m supposed to#and why yes I do need therapy#thanks very much for noticing#if you feel like paying for it and the hours I’d miss going to it here’s my cashapp#$fuckoff-2024#also just to get out in front of these#yes I should just go read something else#but 1. you and I both know this series changes your brain chemistry so good fucking luck#and 2. point me at a book where the butch gets to be in the spotlight and I will gladly fuck off forever
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ik nora is doing a huge service for even writing tsc but i NEED her to write a book solely on kevin day i need to see the inside of his mind and how he views everyone and everything around him
#its not enough seeing him from jean and jeremys pov#it doesnt even need to be a plot focused book!!#like give the man a diary or his therapy notes from bee!! i will take crumbs#its so hard being kevin days no.1 fan 😞#aftg#kevin day
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Sebastian had a few days leave from duty so he visited Eloise😇😇
#im literally OBSESSED with Eloise😩#and this AU😇🙏#they are maybe late 20s/early 30s here I wanted to experiment a bit#anyways I was reading A Little Life at the beach today#and ngl I was tearing up literally ALL the time!!! 😤😤😤#it’s just so beautifully written & I find myself relating so heavily and I get gut punches every few pages where I need to stop reading#and just process it#idk maybe I am sentimental today LOL#It’s just…it’s making me think about the fact that I’ve never really Belonged in any one place and neither have the characters#my mom is the product of Bulgarian/swedish immigrants to the US and my dad is a Spanish pueblo man 😂#and their experiences/culture/languages etc etc have shaped my life soooooooo much🙏#but like at the same time. too reserved to truly fit in with the Spanish but too open/blunt for the midwest#idk it is weird to explain#anyways I just keep moving forward & make my own way🙏🙏🙏#thank you for coming to my free Therapy Session in the hashtags (bc nobody reads these😂😂😂😂)#also if you did & you also read a little life please🙏 or if you want to talk about books in general🙏🙏#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise#oh also this is a recreation of a Porco Rosso scene😇😇🙏🙏#but I changed the colors a LOT & also a bit more when I sketched it up
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Louis’ attention was drifting quickly from the horrific tale with a broken spine in his hand to the settled dust across the wood floor.
Had Lestat really lived through these things? He was a liar, yes, and an actor, clearly, Louis thought, reflecting upon the likely embellished words of the novel. Though, if it were true… Of course an incorrigible, flamboyant rogue like the Lestat he knew would fall from the pages of this story, Louis thought ironically, heart clenching.
Louis would go to this rock music show.
He must speak with Lestat.
#there’s no canon text for this moment so i decided to write it#UGH i need a therapy circle where they all read through each others books together and process#anne rice#interview with the vampire#iwtv#the vampire chronicles#lestat de lioncourt#louis de pointe du lac
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*ivan voice* a minor inconvenience has just happened to me, i have to slap smerdyakov
#i wish i was joking but its exaclty whats in the book#vanechka sweetheart i think you need therapy#or to start doing boxe#the brothers karamazov#ruslit#dostoevksy#russian literature#tbk#руслит#братья карамазовы#ivan karamazov
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Gwynriel headcanons that must become CANON in the next acotar book
(please skitter away if you hate this ship, thank you :D)
A flashback to Azriel’s POV when he rescued Gwyn from Sangravah
A flashback to Azriel’s POV when he found out that Gwyn had been thrown into the Blood Rite
More Valkyries training scenes with trainers Az and Cass!!!
Spy missions with our spy master Azriel feat. his spy apprentice Gwyn
Detailed depictions scattered throughout the 900-page novel (yes, it better be 900 pages long to compensate for the toll this wait is taking on our mental health or else i am suing) on the evolving relationship between Azriel and Gwyn (trainer/trainee > friends > more than friends > confidants > what are we? > lovers > and finally, mates)
Azriel’s shadows playing cupid for their extremely clueless master
Azriel lets Gwyn take her time in exploring her sexuality and is extremely respectful and sweet and patient throughout her trauma healing journey (trainer Az in the pit and in bed OK BYE)
Badass Carynthian and Valkyrie Gwyn saving Azriel during a mission or in a battlefield
Gwyn feels the first tug of the mating bond before Azriel does and she keeps it a secret because she knows of Az’s unresolved feelings for Mor/Elain (MISS SARAH PLS GIVE ME ANGST)
Gwyn showing Azriel that he is more than worthy of love by constantly peppering him with hugs and kisses and words of affirmation because let’s face it, Az’s main love languages are probably touch and words of affirmation
A deeply emotional scene of Azriel finding out that Gwyn (kind, brave, loving, loyal, and beautiful Gwyn!!!!) is who the cauldron has chosen for him after centuries worth of waiting and yearning (I need this alone to be at least 5 pages long)
Gwyn falls first but Azriel falls HARDER
#haters please skitter away#azriel#gwyn#gwynriel#gwyneth berdara#acosf#acomaf#acowaf#acotar#when the book drops best believe im using this as a checklist#i am so obsessed you have no idea#my therapist will hear about this#sjm needs to pay for my therapy
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Bro I hate fundamentalists and culturally-fundie parents they'll say shit like "spare the rod spoil the child am I right haha yea my parents used to have to beat my ass with a switch almost everyday but I sure did learn my lesson" but like??? no you didn't??? you were hit multiple times for something you very obviously did not, in fact, learn
Like studies about how harmful even lightly spanking children is aside, you're literally contradicting yourself?? Some even admitted they got worse as they got older cause they wanted to see how far they could push their parents before they got punished
And studies not aside, you're gonna get child raising advice from the same book that tells you to stone your wife if her hymen doesn't break on your wedding night instead of the decades of research we have now?? Just say you're a bad parent and move on my guy. Skill issue
#bro I had a coworker go 'unpopular opinion I think some kids really do need beatings' and I'm like????#unprompted???? what's going on there????#well anyways I ended up going 'yea so I plan on specializing in play therapy with autistic children so I've been learning about talking#to children and the ways their parents and environment affects them'#and they're like hmmm but beating this kid with a stick after they broke something or I upset them to the point of yelling is good actually#had a boss say it taught him and his kids respect cause they were hard-headed#and I'm like?? that's fear not respect! they fear punishment! they do not act out of respect for you!#he's a conservative christian black man tho so he's like 'But Authority!' like bro I don't even respect you what are you on about#'You don't respect police and their authority?' Nope! I fear them! I do not respect cops and every cop/cop-adjacent person I personally know#has reinforced that for me#'We'll agree to disagree' Cool! Doesn't mean you're not wrong! I could believe trees aren't real but that is in fact incorrect#then he pulled out the bible verse and I was like ah okay I forgot you like 'here's how to treat slaves' book you're so right bestie#I'm totally wrong now and so sorry for doubting you and your 2000+ year old book I don't believe in <3#They'd go 'well I turned out fine!' then say something that directly contradicts that#anyways I need christians to get their grubby little hands off the current state of Child Protection and Rights in the U.S.#So we can actually start working on helping kids without the force of christian hands suffocating them#cause homeschooling and child raising by evangelicals are so fucked up bro I'm tired of this shit#I'd only stay in my current state to help children get out of that cycle since I'm in the bible belt#ex christian#religious trauma#child abuse tw
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exorcising some of the she who became the sun brainworms 😵💫
#posting these in honor of myken finishing the book mwah#these bitches deranged AND gay good for them good for them#zhu chongba#ma yingzi#general ouyang#prince esen#she who became the sun#the radiant emperor#my art#once again brought to you by: being bored at work#((obv being gay and homophobic isn’t even in the top ten of reasons why ouyang needs therapy i just did it for the meme))#fkdhdjdk
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the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here
#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness#(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so#lets see how that develops you know#also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it#not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but#im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing#to complain abt it anyway#the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy#maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness#i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character#in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now#like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains#in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think#or maybe you can! but i'll find that out#i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh#always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do#bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really#but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all#remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe#saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post#all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story#whos Other is story#where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story#ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe
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Y'all weren't lying when you said i would need therapy after finishing Dark heir 😭
#as If i didn’t already need therapy before#how am i supposed to function after this??#THERE ISN’T EVEN A RELEASE DATE FOR THE THIRD BOOK I DON’T THINK??#the clock is almost 3am send help#i have school tomorrow 😭#dark rise#dark heir#c.s pacat
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what do YOU know about welsh kings
#trc#the raven cycle#gangsey#blue sargent#richard gansey#ronan lynch#adam parrish#noah czerny#henry cheng#my art#trc by me#god I'm so obsessed with those books still#I need to do art therapy and draw myself lynch brothers now#bc TDT hit me even harder if thats possible haha#anyway hope you'll like it!#I had so much fun with coming up with designs for them all ;u;
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Silver's Platinum Jacket Groovy. I'm on my knees. I expected Silver to be the one giving the "killing" blow to OB!Malleus since the beginning of the game, but this image still hurts 😭
#twisted wonderland#twst#twst jp#twst cards#twst spoilers#like we all know the characters they're based on#so of course the main conflict would be between them#but THEY'RE BROTHERS#MALLEUS HELPED TO RAISE HIM#the end of the book better make all this wait worth it by giving us the heaviest angst they can come up with#and THEN make them all talk it out. Full therapy session#I need the hurt/comfort tag#on the other hand he does look beautiful-#kay shouts into the void
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The only two things I can think of for the next chapter of Glass Scientists, is that Jekyll is going to lose it and then he and Hyde "fall" unconscious, and then some mind exploring ensues.
Or Jekyll loses it and somehow traps/pushes Hyde into the depths of the mind, and then the chapter after that is a realization that maybe that was wrong/he misses Hyde.
I'm really hoping that this comic ends with Jekyll and Hyde still alive, and themselves. I don't think it would fit very well if they "fused" or died. Like the type of world building would make a death feel weird, and all the themes/details would make a "fuse" feel weird too. Like Hyde comes from the parts Jekyll tries to repress, we know that, but he also has details to him that are specifically him. His favorite color is green, where as Jekyll's is red. Hyde's got longer blond hair, a slightly different face, and is shorter. All these things scream "he is a person all on his own" rather than something that needs to be "put back."
But that's just me, I'll respect wherever the comic goes, I'm just really hoping we don't lose Hyde in anyway. (I don't want to lose Jekyll either, but you get what i mean.)
#and yes. i know they die in the original book.#but this comic is a far cry from the book XD#like my main fear really is just that he's gonna vanish.#both he and Jekyll feel like whole people#just both with a serious need for modern styled therapy. XD#the glass scientists
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