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jacks-obsessions · 3 years

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What I imagine my favorite jjba characters kinks are. This is self indulgence since I had a rough last few weeks.

Jonathan

He's a top leaning switch

Softest dom out there

Breeding kink, the thought of having a family just makes him so happy

Call him daddy while talking about what a good father he's going to be and it's like a switch is flipped

It's like he's feral and really he is, the thought of you glowing and swollen with his child combined with you calling him daddy, you can't blame him can you?

Speedwagon

He's a little rough around the edges but he is a gentleman at heart

He knows how to treat you

He's rough and likes to mark you and he loves it when you do the same, it makes home feel special

Pull his hair and he nuts on the spot

Scalp massages result in dry humping and a make out session

Dio

He likes to dom but he also loves a woman in heels

He has a mommy kink, sometimes he likes to be taken care of

If he ever decides to sub, treat him like the whore he is

Dacryphilia and orgasm denial for both of you

Pet play, you'll be the most pampered pet out there (low-key wants you to put him in a collar and step on his dick)

He is filthy with his talk and very into degrading you (he does make up for it)

Breathe play

He will fuck your face

He is either master or sir, unless he's subbing then he's your dirty whore

He won't share you

Kars

Ultimate Dom

Dacryphilia and orgasm denial as well

He demands you call him Master

Lots of dirty talk

He likes to fuck you in front of a mirror, especially in positions where he can see you bouncing on his cock

Major size kink

He expects to have scratches after you're done

Surprisingly good with after care, you're his favorite after all

Play with his hair and pull it, he will loose his composer

He might decide to share you with the other Pillarmen

Wammu

He understands that you're fragile compared to him

Lactation gets him going as well as the idea of starting a family with you

He's got a size kink, he likes being able to hold you

Scent kink

He'll let you take the lead sometimes, he'll guide you the entire time

Jotaro

Sex in the water, that's all I'll say

Also would love to have sex on the beach

He doms at first but after a while he'll let you take the lead

Deep down he just wants to be taken care of, so make him your good boy and treat him right

He likes cockwarming when doing paper work or he has Star Platinum do it

Sex in the bath

Take his attention away from his work if you know what I mean

Rohan

Voyeurism, he says it's for research, he's just to prideful to say how hard he gets from it

He likes to paint both of your bodies, he believes sex shouldn't be primal but a beautiful work of art

He secretly takes you panties and wears them, then he uses them to masturbate

He kinda wants to see Jotaro fuck you, he has a sneaking suspicion that Jotaro is packing, not only does it turn him on but he also gets a better example than anything else

Gets turned on by the smallest things you do

He thinks you're perfect

Bruno

Lingerie is his mo

He likes to look nice for you

He will steal and wear your panties, he gets extremely turned on by it (thank goodness his office locks)

He's another switch, he'll be your whiny fuck toy one moment and the next he's your cold calculated capo

He likes cockwarming while relaxing or when he's doing paper work

Abbacchio

He's rough and he'll degrade you at first but just show him some love

He will melt, he might even cry, it's just because he doesn't think he deserves it

Spoil him, give him a massage or take a bath together

He'll realize he likes subbing occasionally too

Spanking for both of you

He when you pay attention to his chest

Scratch and bite him, he wears them like a badge

He'll fuck your face

Rissotto

Knife play is definitely on his list, not enough to hurt you if your worried or not at all if you don't want to

He likes it on himself as well

Sensory deprivation on both of you

Bondage

He'll fuck you on your period

Size kink, I mean have you seen him?

He likes to be called sir, he will sub if he's had a stressful week

When he subs he wants to dominated

Full on restraints, spank him, keep him just on the edge until he's crying and beginning for release, peg him, make him choke on your strap, cut him, pay special attention to his chest, but don't forget the after care

He likes having you sat on his cock even when the team is around

He's not above fucking you in front his team, it gives him a high knowing he's showing everyone how he's the only who can please you like this

Ghiaccio

He is usually angry during sex and he's rough

Dry humping happens a lot due to him getting horny out of nowhere

Temperature play

Clothed sex happens a lot

Wrestling/fighting for dominance, if he looses you get to put him in his place

When he subs he's a brat, get him into the subspace and you've got someone who's ready to please

You might not be able to walk some days or at the very least be very sore

Melone

Major breeding kink

Please smother him with your thighs and sit on his face

Step. On. His. Cock.

Really any CBT also tell him exactly how you want him to jerk off

He's definitely one for dry humping

He will call you mommy when you peg him

He's a bottom leaning switch

He likes fucking your thighs in semi-public areas

Another one to steal and wear your panties

Can't get enough of being dolled up and then absolutely wrecked

He's got a foot fetish (we all know this no matter how we try to deny it)

Anasui

He is straight up a masochist

How about sexy maid Anasui? You bet he's in the outfit before you can even blink

Pet play, he'll hump your leg whining about how he's been good

Peg him, he'll do anything to get you to pound him into the mattress

This little shit will take you lingerie and wear it

Tell him how you want him to jerk off

Loves CBT

Humilate him, step on his cock, don't let him touch you

In short, your wish is his command

Johnny

Obviously the bug bite thing

He's a jerk cause he keeps you just on the edge

Body worship for him, he needs it

Stockings get him going

He is a tease

He like your panties

Gyro

He likes maximum comfort

Cowgirl is a position he loves the most (thankfully he doesn't think lady luck is riding here too)

Edge play and he will tease the hell out of you

He shamelessly steals you panties

Would love to tie you up

Diego

He likes marking you up

He's short sooo smother him in your tits

He is a feral person, like this is animals in heat feral

Scent kink

Another tease, and he'll fuck you whenever and wherever

Lithophilia: a kink for rocks, stones, or gravel. This can be used nonsexually. (Sorry I had to)

Josuke 8

He wants you on top of him, face sitting is a good start

He's ready to eat fruits and whipped cream off of you

He likes to fuck your thighs, just be ready to clean up

We all know he cums enough for two people, what you do with this information is up to you

We know he's pretty clueless at times so when he accidentally walks in on your "me time" it takes him a bit to register it

After words he'll apologizes, but it's obvious he's turned on

He's got a corruption kink, teach him just how to please you

#tw menstruation #johnathan joestar #dio x reader #kars x reader #wamuu x reader #robert e. o. speedwagon #jotaro x reader #avdol x reader #rohan x reader #bruno x reader #abbacchio x reader #risotto x reader #melone x reader #josuke 8 #gyro x reader #johnny joestar

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xhanisai · 3 years

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My scattered heart and mind, Revolves around you tonight

AO3 / FFN

Summary:

"Ple-eeeeeease, Nino? Certainly, you must have some caffeine-fueled beverage hidden somewhere! You're the best drinks supplier I have! Anything with caffeine or sugar would do! Those super strong energy drinks you gave me were literally lifesavers and if you have anything that's even half as good as that, I will give you a hundred- no- two hundred salted caramel macarons! I'll even crush up some pecan nuts and mix it with the fillings, just the way you like it!" . Nino was fucking sold.

A.K.A

The fic where Marinette wants a super strong caffeine beverage, Adrien wants her to be healthier and Nino is just a slut for macarons.

And Alya is the powerhouse of the group.

RED MOON - KARD Pairing - Adrinette Prompt - 'Energy drinks'

~(x)~

"Nino. I need a stronger batch. ASAP." A wild, sleep-deprived Marinette slammed her hands against the boys' desk, not even twitching a brow when the duo flinched from the sudden impact. The blonde of the two composed himself promptly, a flash of concern quick to plaster on his face as he took in her dishevelled appearance whilst the other boy simply gaped as if she's grown two heads. Or that might have been so much tamer compared to what he just concluded. "What the hell!? Marinette, that brand is the most strongest out there and even I barely managed to get my hands on them- and jeez dude, it hasn't even been a week and you're already immune to it!??" He leaned in closer, eyes quickly glancing around to see if anyone else was paying attention save for his cautious seatmate and then lowered his voice to a whisper. "Not to mention it's not exactly legal in France!" The betrayed, heated warning look he received from his appalled best friend on the side caused him to shift away from him by a tad, whistling innocently whilst Marinette scrutinised them both with glazed eyes. "Quoi!? Nino! I thought Alya managed to stop you from giving her any more of that crap! That stuff isn't good for your health at all!" Adrien then swivelled around to face Marinette, not knowing what to do with his hands other than wildly gesturing them around. "And you! You were supposed to start easing yourself off those energy drinks and get more rest." He decided to grab her hands with his, squeezing them with good measures as his brows remained furrowed, hoping to get his point across if his words weren't enough for the sweet girl. "Look at you, you can barely stand."

"I know, I tried. But even after sleeping decently, I get stupidly tired and exhausted even just by staying awake for only two or three hours." The designer sighed, completely unfazed by the boy's touch as she was far too drained to comprehend anything properly- everything still hazy and dreamlike in her vision currently. Had Adrien not been so anxious over her state, he would have cooed at how adorable her pout was. "It will take time, I know. That's why Alya advised that you drink some water whenever you feel sleepy or at least eat something nutritious like some fruit or vegetable sticks. They will help." The model's tone softened, thumb rubbing comforting circles on the backs of her hands and eyes full of nothing but adoration and affection. "You have been doing that, right?" He was met with a shy, guilty look from her. "Marinette..." He tutted disappointedly, eyes narrowed further as she continued to avert eye contact, cheeks blossoming with her standard sakura hue that he spotted whenever she noticed he was nearby. Pushing that stray thought aside, he beckoned for her to sit down by him on the shared seating, practically sandwiching her between him and Nino as he ruffled through his bag for something. "I've got some vitamin water with me that's really good for you and also doesn't taste like rubbish- lemme find it-" "It's okay- you shouldn't waste it on me. Unless it's stronger than the drinks that Nino gave me, I'll probably pass out on my desk regardless," Marinette's protests were left unheard, her expression twisting from a genuine bashful look to one equivalent to an angry kitten the minute she made eye contact with the drink bottle Adrien fished out of his bag. "Oh no...not that..." "Yes, that, Marinette." Adrien pushed the healthy concoction into her hands and then clasped his fingers around hers anew with a determined gaze. "Just because it doesn't have any caffeine or added sugar in it, doesn't mean it's not good-" "Nino, please tell me you have a can of Monster on you? I'd even settle on a Red Bull. Anything but that lemon flavoured water thing he's trying to make me drink!" The bespectacled teen almost caved in to the bluebell puppy eyes. However, the sight of his best friend's warning death glare behind her was much more persuasive and he'd rather not deal with the crafty blonde's wrath should he give in Dupain-Cheng. The last time Nino triggered Adrien's wrath was when he ate the model's share of the Dupain-Cheng's freshly baked croissants by 'accident' at one of the class' many picnics; his delicious drinks were somehow swapped with vile tomato juice and his luxurious crisps and hearty sandwiches were magically replaced with tasteless prunes and bloody cabbages. And Nino fucking hates cabbages! "N-Nope. Sorry dude...I had the last can this morning...hehe..." He wasn't prepared for her crestfallen expression and almost scrambled to tell the truth instead because nothing is more monstrous than making Marinette Dupain-Cheng cry! Thankfully, Adrien grabbed her immediate attention, reattempting to get her to drink the healthy juice much to her dismay. 'I'll let you handle this one bro. It's the least you can do after almost scaring me shitless with that glare of yours.' "-You don't need to drink the whole thing. Have a few sips and you'll feel so much better-" "No." "Please?" "No." "Come on, don't be so stubborn-" "Oh, I'm stubborn? M. 'Drink the damn flavourless juice' guy???" Marinette finally pushed the bottle back into Adrien's hand, scoffing and facing Nino so that her back was towards the deadpanned model. Nino couldn't help but quietly snicker at the clear frustration that was plastered on the usually composed teen's face and how he clutched the bridge of his nose. The Moroccan boy admired the French-English's boy's persistence. "Mari...it's not flavourless. It has subtle flavours of lemon and orange and a hint of mint- something you should be able to taste unless those energy drinks have already destroyed your palette." Resorting to drastic measures, Adrien leaned his chin on her shoulder, fluttering his lashes and mustering the cutest, sweetest kitten eyes he could ever manage. "Just one sip? That way you won't pass out on your desk? I promise?" Had Marinette not been sleep-deprived, she would have faltered right away. Heck, she would have faltered the minute that Adrien offered her the drink, happily gulping down the whole bottle just to appease him despite her strong distaste against the flavour. Too bad for him, she's severely sleep-deprived. With a soft flick against Adrien's forehead, earning a surprised mewl from him, Marinette leaned back towards Nino, hands clapped in a praying motion and eyes glittering with unshed tears. "Ple-eeeeeease, Nino? Certainly, you must have some caffeine-fueled beverage hidden somewhere! You're the best drinks supplier I have! Anything with caffeine or sugar would do! Those super strong energy drinks you gave me were literally lifesavers and if you have anything that's even half as good as that, I will give you a hundred- no- two hundred salted caramel macarons! I'll even crush up some pecan nuts and mix it with the fillings, just the way you like it!" . Nino was fucking sold. His stomach rumbled delightfully at the idea of those delicious sweets, his hunger and greed for the goodies overtaking what little rationality he had left and even powered through the nightmare that was Adrien's death glare as the blonde repeatedly gestured to refuse the offer. The little dignity he had left was what stopped Nino from drooling on the spot as he clasped his hands over Marinette's. "Really!? Two hundred!?" All the teen could see was the Goddess that was the bone-weary Marinette, her presence like the sun and Adrien's pestering logical thinking like a shadow being whacked away. Nothing will get in between Nino and those macarons. "Yes! That's what I said!" "With extra, extra pecan nuts? And that cute drizzle of caramel on top? A-A-And whipped cream on the side?" "Absolutely~" Just as Lahiffe was about to agree to the deal, his vision was suddenly filled with red, courtesy to his disgruntled best friend pulling the tip of his cap forward as he leant over the girl. "Adrien!? Dude!? What was that for!?" Nino hastily fixed his hat back in place, his scowl nowhere near as effective as the fashion mogul's son's, the taller of the three placing his hands on Marinette's shoulders whilst still behind her. "What was that for? Oh, you deserved far worse. Look at the state she's in- ya think she'd be able to make two-hundred macarons like this!?" As if to emphasise his point, Marinette simply blinked back, almost nodding off to sleep. Nonchalantly, Adrien placed her on his lap, pressing her face into his chest and wrapped his arms around her, all the while glowering at Nino- which should have been a comical sight for the latter had he not known the consequences to evoke such annoyance. "Of course I don't expect her to make it right now. Just down the future..." "A future where she'd be so much more knackered and exhausted cos a certain someone won't stop giving her that heart-attack juice like an idiot-" "But Adrien! Macarons...MACARONS." "You can go buy them from her parents like the rest of us-" "B-B-But...handmade Marinette macarons, Adrien!" "THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN MACARONS-"

"Ehem."

All of a sudden, the blood that was flowing through the duo's veins was replaced with icy dread and incredible fear from the sound of a certain,

familiar

angry voice. Adrien couldn't help but gulp, holding Marinette tighter and leaning back, away from the person up at the front.

"What's this about Lahiffe supplying Marinette the bad juice behind our backs?"

One could describe that at that moment,

Alya's

figure was looming and filled one's soul with

horror

from the way that fire blazed in those hazel eyes and how her voluminous hair practically floated behind her out of rage.

Though, no one was more fucked than Nino Lahiffe.

"You reap what you sow, buddy..." Was the last thing that the pitiful teen heard from his best friend as he was mercilessly hauled away by his girlfriend, his wails of help and apologies falling on deaf ears...

~(x)~

A/N: Looks like someone's grounded from super penguino for a good while :D Lemme know what you think in the comments!

#my writing #my fanfiction #my fanfictions #ml fanfiction #miraculous ladybug #miraculous ladybug and chat noir #ladybug #chat noir #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #nino lahiffe #alya cesaire #adrinette #adrienette #let nino have his macarons 2k21

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forthehpfanboys · 4 years

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After Class

Pair: Remus Lupin x Reader; he/him.

Summary: You manage to catch up with Remus after class, not that it was hard to do. Lupin likes to keep in professional during school hours until you tell him your feeling lonely.

Warnings: SMUT (MDI), Oral, kinda fluffy, couple bickering because why not? If I forgot any, please dm me.

Notes: Sorry this took so long. Also, I’m sorry if the ending is weird, I’m uploading this at 3:40 AM because I haven’t posted in a day or two and wanted to put something out there.

~DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE~

It wasn’t exactly a secret that you and Remus were dating, after all, he did confess his love to you in the middle of the Dining Hall when it was overflowing with students. You always wondered why then , why there and when you asked, you just got a short ‘it was the right time’ kind of answer.

In reality, Snape had edged him on, calling him a cowering imbecile for hiding his very obvious affection for you and went on and on until the teacher snapped. With that being said, during school, everything was kept strictly professional. No holding hands, no kissing in the halls, only weird sideways hugs and the occasional arm around your waist if he was leading you somewhere and it was driving you nuts.

On weekends you weren’t trapped in your offices grading papers, which you also did together, the two of you would go on cute dates. Whether it was a nice walk around Diagon Alley or going to the Three Broomsticks for a night out, and it was great, but it just felt like you never saw him outside of school. You didn’t get a lot of time alone with him, which is what led you to feeling lonely and touch deprived.

It wasn’t like you wanted to shag in the hallways, you just wanted to like- hold his hand, maybe kiss his cheek. You were a couple. You felt you should have the right, since you were the DADA’s boyfriend, to walk down the hallways without a 3 foot gap between your bodies. In fact, you were going to go talk to him about it. A relationship is almost nothing without communication.

You shut your textbook with a slam, your dominant hand popping the quill down into the ink well as you stood up. You checked the watch on your wrist, taking in the time. Lupin should be finishing class in a few minutes, allowing you two to have alone time, hopefully. You’d finished teaching your students about a half hour ago and were planning for tomorrow's class before you decided to go confront your Moony.

You walked across the floor of your classroom, weaving between the desks to get to the door. You pulled it open easily and walked down the hall, not really caring about shutting the classroom door.

You walked down the nearly empty hall, waving to some of your students as you walked past with a smile. You took the familiar path to the outside of Lupin’s classroom and stood across the door, leaning your back against the wall. You thought it’d be best to wait outside then interrupt the class just to talk about a petty idea such as this.

Was this petty?

You bit your lip as you thought, your hands fiddling with your tie. What if you were being childish? You took in a deep breath, barely picking up on the students leaving your boyfriend's classroom. You politely said hello to students who recognized you and waved and walked into the classroom. You couldn’t help but smile at what was laid out in front of you.

Harry and Remus were clearly arguing over who got to keep the map the Weasley twins found and it was absolutely, heart wrenchingly adorable. You leaned your body against the door frame while Lupin pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Harry, for the last time, no. You can’t have it. I’m letting you get away with the invisibility cloak, don’t push my kindness.”

“But-!”

“I’d listen to him, Harry!” You tried not to giggle when they both whipped toward you. “He might lower your grade.” You put your hands in the pockets of your ves as you walked into the classroom. You couldn’t help but smirk when Harry laughed and Lupin groaned.

“Oh wow! Would you look at the time!” Harry basically yelled out as he booked it out of the classroom. He was just a blob of blushing skin as he ran, almost running into a desk, then the door frame.

“Don’t you have papers to grade, Professor (L/n)?” Remus crossed his arms over his chest, cocking an eyebrow in your direction.

“I don’t, actually. Just outlining tomorrow's work, but I thought I’d come see my oh so loving boyfriend instead.” You stepped up to him, but turned to Harry when the student faked a gag. “Stop acting like you aren’t drooling over your best friend's sister.” You rolled your eyes.

You couldn’t stop the loud chortle that left your body as you almost collapsed to the ground. You always love it when Remus reverts to his sassy self. You straighten yourself out then walk to the professor, a cheeky grin still spread across your features.

“Don’t act like no one notices Harry!” You called out to him as he sped past you, laughing at his mess of a human state. “He’s so precious.”

“Yeah, but he’s just like James.”

“How so?”

“A pain in my arse.”

“But you love him.” You wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him into a hug, smiling wider when his arms snaked around your waist. You hid your face against his shoulder when he scoffed.

“No, I love you. I just sorta tolerate him.” One of his hands was rubbing up and down your back now and you basically melted into his embrace with a sigh. “Stressed, love?”

“A little.” You pulled back and looked into his gray eyes. Your hands fidgeted along his waist and your bottom lip became trapped between your teeth as your eyes gazed over his shoulder. “More so just.. Kinda feeling lonely?”

“Ok, well, how about we go to the Three Broomsticks again this weekend? Just the two of us..” Remus gave you a bright smile, his hands moving from your back to your shoulders before giving them a soft squeeze.

“We do that almost every weekend, Moony. I just- Everyone knows. Why can’t we be a couple during school hours? We spend 7 days a week, who knows how many hours in this castle and I can’t even hold your hand during dinner. Like I wanna do that cute couple walk down the hallway..” You stepped away from him to cross your arms over your chest and kick up some invisible dirt. Remus smiled when your force morphed into a pout.

“Aw, is someone feeling isolated from their loving boyfriend?”

“Remus, this isn’t the time for your teasing.” You stuck your tongue out when he stepped over to you.

“Ok, you’re right. I’m sorry, (Y/n).” The professor cupped your cheeks gently, rubbing his thumb along your cheek. “Here, how about this, hmm?” He peaked your lips gently. “How about I make it up to you, yeah? I don’t have papers to grade until tomorrow, so I’m free for the rest of today.” Remus squished your cheeks together, pecking your now puckered lips before his hands dropped to your shoulder.

“I.. Yeah, that works.” You smiled gently, giggling a little. “What, Remus!” You squeaked out as he set you on the desk. You watched his hand reach across the desk and pick up his wand. He spelled the door shut and locked it with a charm before closing most of the shades on the windows, diming the room. He set the wand back down on the desk before setting his hands on our thighs.

“What, love? You're the one that said he was all lonely, I’m just gonna help you out.” He licked his lips before attaching his mouth to yours. His arms trailed down your thighs, spreading them slowly and carefully before lowering himself to his knees.

“W-wait, Moony, you don’t have to-”

“It’s ok.” Remus laughed, his eyes gazing up at you while his palm rubbed between your legs. “Let me handle this, ok, love?” His voice was soft and smooth, leaving you wanting more. He grinded his palm into your bulge, his other hand coming up to undo your belt, loving the way your breath hitched in your throat. When his eyes locked with yours, he shot you a wink paired with a dirty smirk.

Your hands ran through his hair, messing up the gel holding it in place. You bit your lip when he undid your trousers and didn’t even bother pulling them down, just your boxers to reveal your half hard mass. You let out a whine when he spat into his palm and gently stroked over your dick causing you to grow harder. Your eyes fluttered shut when he planted a kiss to your clothed thigh.

“Godric, you’re amaz-” Your voice caught in your throat when his hot mouth wrapped around the head of your dick. “Oh, fuck-” Your head back between your shoulders and your hand gripped onto the edge of the desk for stability. His tongue moved against your hard flesh like it was a lollipop. A shaky sob of his name escaped you when he pulled off to lick a long strip on the underside of your wood.

“Yes, love?” His hands massaged your shuddering thighs, a chuckle escaping him easily. His eyes were blown up with lust.

Your thighs clamped around his head, your hand coming to cover your mouth. Your eyes squeezed shut as you white knuckled the desk. His throat was so wet and warm it caused your brain to reboot. Your arm gave out when he started moving he started bobbing his head. Your back hit the desk with a thud, causing him to glance at you through his lashes. Remus would’ve chuckled at your glazed expression but he was kinda busy.

“Please, for the love of Merlin and wizards who haven’t experienced your very, very talented mouth, please continue. Please.” You curled and uncurled your toes, spreading your legs wider. “Don’t make me beg, Lupin, I swear-”

“Relax, love. There’s no need to beg. I got you.” Remus cut you off, chuckling before wrapping his lips around the head once again, his free hand rubbing along the length slowly twisting closer to the top causing another moan to echo in the empty classroom.“Sh, (Y/n)! School is still going for some and I’m sure you don’t want them to hear us shagging.” He pulled away to tease you just before slowly swallowing your length.

He held your hips down against the desk when you tried to hump upward, and only felt encouraged by your whines. His eyes bore into yours as he swallowed around your length. One of his hands from your hip slowly slid upward, traveling up your stomach to your chest. Your back arched off the desk when his fingertips brushed across your nipple.

“Fuck, love. How are you so good at this?” You didn’t even need an answer. You bit down on your palm when he started humming around your length. He was going to suck the soul out of you if he weren’t careful. “Oh, Godric, I’m gonna cum, Remus.” Your voice was as shaky as a newborn fawns legs.

Remus nodded his head, silently giving you permission to go on ahead. You sobbed into your palm when he went back to humming around your length in his throat. You came quickly, which Remus swallowed down just as quickly. He pulled back quickly before kissing the head and standing up with his hands on his hips. His eyes trailed across your body before landing on your flushed face as you tried to catch your breath and raised an eyebrow.

“Am I really that good, hun?”

“Keep up that attitude and your gonna start sounding like Sirius.” You grumbled while propping yourself up on your elbows to tuck yourself away. You eyed the male standing in front of you before tilting your head. “Do you want help with that?” You lazily pointed to his bulge.

“Maybe that’s a good thing. But no, (Y/n). I’m all set.” Remus chuckled, walking around to the head of the desk, looking down at your face with a smirk. You groaned in response while running a hand through your hair. You stared up at his grinning face before reaching up to the ceiling and making a grabby motion with your fingers. “What’s that?”

“Give me snuggles.”

Lupin rolled his eyes before moving a few things around on the desk to lay next to you. It surprised you when he finally laid down, his arm going under your head to cushion it from the hard wood. You never expected your boyfriend to do something as silly as lay across his very messy desk.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” Remus whipped away at his mouth, his eyebrows furrowing. You didn’t even notice when you started staring at him.

“No, no, I.. Just.. You’re so perfect. I love you, Moony.” Your eyes must’ve been reflecting your emotions because he looked at you with a soft grin and eyes filled with admiration.

“I love you too.” He laughed out, rolling his eyes. “So! What do you wanna do this weekend instead of the usual. It can be anything and we’ll d-.”

“Dragon hunting.” You spoke up without hesitation.

“.. (Y/n), no-”

“But you said anything!” You let out a groan.

“You know what I meant! Dragon hunting is dangerous! And why hunt them?” Remus had turned on his side at this point to give you a look with furrowed eyebrows.

“I dunno, sounds fun!” You stuck your tongue out at him. You watched him carefully, waiting for the perfect moment to speak up again. Once he laid back, eyes closed and grumbling to himself about how crazy your ideas could be, you spoke up.”So no dragon hunting?”

“(Y/n), love of my life, apple of my eye.” he cupped your cheek, allowing you to lean into it. His expression was similar to the one he gave misbehaving students and he didn’t even bat an eye when you pulled out the puppy dog eyes. “No means no.”

“Fine then.” You groaned again, smacking his hand away from your cheek playfully. “Be like that.” You crossed your arms and rolled over and scooted over, your back facing him. However, you didn’t take into account how small his desk was, which led to you losing your balance and falling with a thud to the floor. Remus didn’t wait to scurry over to the edge of the desk and peer over it.

“You ok, hun? Anything bruised?”

“Only my pride.”

“That can’t be true! Come on, stand up. Let me check you out.” He slipped off the desk with a chuckle and walked over, gently guiding you up to a standing position as he checked over you.

“Oh, please, Remus, I’m fine!” You smiled at him as you brushed dirt and dust particles off your uniform. “It was, what? 2 feet drop? It wasn’t like I went skydiving without a parachute on.”

“I am never letting you go skydiving.” Remus rubbed his temples.

“Dammit! That was my next request!”

“In fact, I think we’ll just have a nice evening at the Three Broomsticks again.”

“Oh come on!”

The two of you kept on bickering for what seemed like forever. You kept shouting insane date ideas while he tried to remain rational. What you didn’t know is that your bickering had created a crowd of students just outside your door. The students had even taken sides and were bickering between them as you went. Soon, however, the room became quieter, causing the crowd to disperse.

The next day, you were seen holding hands with your boyfriend while walking down the halls of the big castle, bright grins on both of your faces.

#remus lupin x male reader #Remus Lupin imagine #remus lupin #hp x male reader #hp imagine #remus lupin smut #harry potter #x male reader #male reader #Ronny Writes #fic #hp male fic #hp fic

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strongsassysexysloane · 4 years

Text

You Kissed Me!

Here’s a little something.. It’s been sitting half done for a while and I got around to finishing it over a week ago but editing and mood and blah. Anyways hope you enjoy :)

. . . .

When things don't go according to plan and in the worst way possible, that's when some of the best moments happen..right?

. . . . .

There was nowhere to go. You felt trapped and rightly so. The perp had you pinned to the ground, Harry McGregor had knocked you flat on your ass because you hadn't properly cleared a corner and he'd managed to get the drop on you. His hand was around your neck and you were scrambling at anything and everything to knock him off balance but he had one knee with almost his entire body weight pressed into your thigh and your other leg was trapped by his other leg so you had no way of nutting him or kicking him in any way. Not that you could because the oxygen was quickly becoming a problem by the rest of his weight pushing down on your neck.

"Hey!" Gibbs roared a gun placed to the back of the dirtbags head. "Stand up slowly."

If you could take a breath of relief you would've at the site of Gibbs standing behind the bastard as your eyelids had just started to close. Harry's hand immediately retracted from your neck as he put his hands up, Gibbs and McGee hauled him off you and Tim cuffed him.

You managed to suck in a breath as Gibbs helped you up. He cupped your cheek, looking you up and down to make sure nothing else was wrong. "I'm fi-ne"

"When you cough through fi-ne. You aren't fine." He shook his head and dropped his hand.

"Sorry Gibbs, I didn-"

"Doesn't matter. You'll kick yourself about it enough, won't happen again."

You shook your head in agreement with a smirk. You were already screaming at yourself for getting into that position, how could you be so stupid?! Such a Probie mistake. "You already called an ambulance, didn't you?"

"No, but you're coming with me to the hospital while McGee takes McGregor to the Navy Yard." He answered, following McGee and McGregor out of the house. You watched as McGee put him in the back of the sedan.

There wasn't any arguing when Gibbs had helped you into the other Sedan before talking to the team as McGee secured McGregor in the car. Tim had come from checking in with a witness and met you at McGregor's house as Gibbs and you had pulled up, Nick and Ellie had rocked up just as Gibbs came to the rescue.

Gibbs jumped in the driver's side and started the car. "It happens to everyone y/n. No point beating yourself up about it." He must've seen your mind racing, your eyes darting and you scratching at your neck. It still felt like there was a hand around it.

"Easier said than done Gibbs." You looked out the passenger window on the way to the hospital. You hated hospitals. Nothing good ever came from going to them, and this wasn't helping proving you wrong. Jack had pointed out the last time you were both in one that babies come out of hospitals which made you laugh. Screaming babies, just what you needed.

It thankfully didn't take long for the doctor to look you over and Gibbs waited outside, he hadn't said anything while waiting for the doctor and you knew he hated hospitals just as much as you did. If not more. You were watching the door like if you stared at it long enough you would magically walk out of it and out of these white walls. There was a flash of blonde followed by Gibbs yelling something before the door to your room burst open and there was Jack. She looked worried sick, like almost pale and then it changed, a flare of fire behind her eyes. You would've laughed if you weren't being closely examined by the doctor.

"Ma'am, can you please wait outside." The nurse tried to be so polite but as soon as Ma'am was uttered you knew it was no point.

"Jack, don't." You warned when you saw the anger being directed at the nurse instead of you. You knew the anger was her default because she was far more worried and upset than angry. Anger was her only way to control the tears. She needed to let it out on someone and it was about to be the poor nurse. Her eyes daring the nurse to take a step closer but you quickly thought of a compromise. "If she stays quiet, can she just sit in the corner?" There was no way Jack was going to leave. She was too bloody stubborn.

The nurse nodded and went back to her position, opposite the doctor. Jack huffed and slumped down in the chair in the corner of the room, just staring at you. Her lips were in a thin line and you couldn't help but smile, she was trying so hard. She would've spewed strings of words by now, some swear words mixed in, no doubt.

"Remember to breathe, Jack." She poked her tongue at you for that and this time you laughed as she went back to her closed mouth, crossing her arms over her chest.

The doctor made you do a few more breathing tests before giving you the all clear. "You'll have some bruising for a while, if it becomes uncomfortable place an ice pack on it for short increments at a time. Everything else seems to be fine. You didn't black out or were deprived of oxygen for an extended period of time so there's no concern for brain damage."

"That's preexisting." Jack mumbled and you quirked a brow at her, amused by her sass.

The doctor and nurse chuckled. "That may be, I have nothing to help in that case but just apply an ice pack as I said. If you feel light headed or anything out of the ordinary please come back in right away." He turned to Jack. "She should go home for the day. Make sure she rests."

You laughed as you slipped back into your jacket. "I have a report to finish. It's just desk work, Doc. I can do that can't I?"

That's when Gibbs walked into the room in front of the nurse, like her knew the right time to butt in. "That can wait until tomorrow."

You huffed and hopped off the bed, Gibbs handed you back your badge and sig. There was no point arguing against any of them at this point. Gibbs made sure Jack was taking you home before he left for the office.

Jack hadn't said anything since leaving the hospital and it was starting to annoy you. Did she really have nothing to say or was she taking this quiet thing way too seriously? "Jack?" You looked at her as she drove, her eyes trained on the road as she drove slower than her usual speed. It was even under the speed limit which had alarm bells sounding in your head.

"How- how?" It was all she could say and you sighed, slumping back in your seat. You'd been thinking the exact same thing for the past two hours and now Jack was about to rip you a new one.

"Let it out." You needed someone to yell at you or something. Gibbs was too nice, making sure you were ok instead of roaring protocol at you. Maybe that was coming tomorrow? It just made you feel off, you never liked the silent treatment.

"You scared the shit out of me-us. I got a call from Gibbs saying you were both at the hospital and you were hurt. I ran out of the office before he could say you were fine, ran into McGee and McGregor- oh boy if I had known! - I thought, I thoug -" She sucked in a shuddering breath and you couldn't believe how shaken she sounded. Now you definitely preferred the silent treatment over a scared Jack.

You two had been close for months now, some may see it as best friends but you knew there was something more. Your shared looks, the way you caught her staring at you from the promenade. Her touches and the twinge in your gut every time she was close or you just saw her. Your day wasn't complete without seeing or talking to her. There was one day a week ago when she didn't come into work because of personal reasons and you were in a crap mood all day, it clicked when you got home and received a text from her, your mood instantly lifted. This wasn't a feeling you had felt about someone before and it scared you. Nothing had scared you quite like how you felt about Jack, like she was the day to your night and these weren't feelings you were meant to have about a colleague or even a friend but here they were all the same.

You let yourself for a second imagine how if the situation was reversed how you might feel and that was possibly the worst feeling. You reached over and rested your palm on her knee. "I'm fine, Jack. As fine as I can be."

"I know. Just -" She kept getting the words stuck in her head, she didn't know how to process her feelings or tell you how she felt without letting it all out. There was a line she wanted to cross but knew this wasn't the way to do it.

You squeezed her knee before retracting you hand but you didn't get too far before she interlaced her fingers with yours. "I didn't clear a room properly and he got the drop on me. My fault really."

"What? That he strangled you? Fuck no." You both laughed at her rash words, your eyes dropped to your joined hands and you smiled. Her hand fit perfectly in yours, you wanted to roll your eyes at such a thought but it did.

The rest of the car ride was silent, you listened to the radio and Jack did her best at driving with one hand. She pulled up to your apartment, ran around the car quickly in an attempt to open your door but you shooed her away. Other than some discomfort around your neck you really were fine. But that didn't stop her from hanging around, making you a hot cup of green tea and a sandwich while you showered. She placed everything on the coffee table by the couch when you walked back into the living room. The shower had washed away some of the feeling of a hand around your neck but not the butterflies of having Jack in your apartment.

"Jack!" You whined seeing the food and drink waiting on the table for you.

"Shut up and eat something." She sat down beside you on the couch, placing the plate in your lap when you made no attempt of grabbing it. "Eat."

You pouted but took a bite and a smile spread across your lips. "Nutella?"

"Well you don't have any kind of salad or jelly in your fridge so Nutella was the only option." She smiled, leaning back into the couch, her arm spread across the back of the couch. You could feel the bend in the cushion and wanted so badly to lean back to feel her skin against yours but you concentrated on the sandwich instead.

Now that you knew it was a Nutella sandwich you devoured it easily. Placing the plate back on the coffee table you wrapped your hands around the cup of tea and sunk back into your couch. This time you could feel Jack's arm and leaned into it, rolling your head to the side to look at her. "Thank you."

She smiled and your stomach twinged again. Her other hand came up and gently caressed the side of your neck, she must've been expecting a flinch because there was concern written all over her face but you didn't and she relaxed, her thumb ghosting over the bruises there. Her eyes scanning over you, up to your lips before she looked you in the eyes. "Any time."

You smiled, bringing the cup up to your lips, eyes still locked with hers, she was looking at you with such care and devotion, it made your heart skip a few. You swallowed and placed the cup back in your lap, closing your eyes as her thumb caressed over your neck and her hand went up to cup your cheek. You felt her shift on the couch but didn't open your eyes, enjoying her touch too much and honestly you were exhausted. There was a soft press to the corner of your mouth and it took you a second to register that it was her lips. You froze, every nerve in your body suddenly very aware of how she was touching you and her lips left too soon. Too soon for you to react and you just wanted more.

Your eyes shot open as her hand left your skin, her face only inches away. She wasn't looking at you anymore, her eyes focused on her thumbnail that she was fiddling with in her hand. You placed your cup of tea on the table and took her hand before she ripped her finger nail entirely off. You placed her hand back on your neck closed the gap between you. It wasn't fast or desperate like you thought your first kiss would be. Her lips were soft and gentle against yours. You brought your hand up to thread into her hair, deepening the kiss only enough to make her gasp before pulling back.

Her eyes stayed shut as you pulled away, her teeth pinching her bottom lip and you wanted nothing more to kiss her again, sucking on that lip but you needed her to open her eyes before you could do that. A smile curled her lips and the worry you didn't realise was building, dissipated. "You kissed me." It was a mix of surprise and realization. Her eyes shot open at her words, rich golden-brown drowning in yours.

"You kissed me first."

"You were sitting there being all cute and always irresistible myself control went out the window." She shrugged, shifting so she was sitting closer, her feet tucked in and her arm across the back of the couch came to rest on your shoulders. Her fingers playing with your hair at the base of your neck as she leaned closer.

Her nose brushing against yours, drawing a wider smile from your lips. "You keep touching me like that and I can't help it."

"Then I can't help but kiss you." She leaned back, her eyes darting from your eyes to your lips and back again.

You lean forward, looking from her sparkling eyes to her flushed cheeks and soft lips. "I'm not going to stop you." You breathe as she closes the gap.

Her lips ghost over yours, causing you to whimper before she captures your lips, her fingers threading more purposefully into your hair. Her other hand gently curling around the back of your neck, holding you in place. This time she kisses you with the perfect mix of passion and softness, your injury still present in both your minds. You part your lips as her tongue eagerly pleads for access and you let her explore, enjoying every second of it as she crowds your space.

You pull apart, coughing at the lack of oxygen. "I'm fine." You say as you look at Jack's face plastered with concern, her shoulders tense up watching you struggle for breath, "You didn't hurt me, don't worry." You tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, cupping her cheek in the process and she leans into your touch. She turns her head to place a kiss into your palm.

"Probably have to wait a few days for your breathing to be back to normal." Your hand drops from her cheek as she leans her forehead against yours.

"You'll just have to kiss me in other places." You smirk, the words spilling out before you can filter them but Jack does exactly that. She started with your cheek, then across your jaw and down your neck before her phone buzzed. It gave you a moment for your heart to catch up.

"Son of a bitch." She grumbled, shifting to pick up her phone from the coffee table. "What?" Her voice laced with venom.

You knew it was Gibbs the moment she looked at the caller ID and still groused through the phone. He was the only person she'd ever give that tone with and you smiled as she rolled her eyes. A hand came up to cover your mouth before you could say the smart-ass thing you were about to so you just kissed it her palm instead. Your tongue coming out to poke her palm and she pulled away rolling her eyes.

"I'll be in soon. The profile is on my- Fine.. She's good." Her eyes went back to yours, "I didn't want to leave her until I knew she wasn't going to go anywhere." She said, "I mean it is a very successful persuasion tactic."

Your brows furrowed, unable to hear his end of the conversation but the last sentence made you very confused. Rethinking over everything that had happened and then it clicked.

"Now she's concerned. I have to go. I'll be in within the hour." She smiled, "I know it only takes twenty minutes from y/n's place." With that she hung up, not wanting to draw out the conversation any longer and too preoccupied by you.

"So kissing me was to keep me from not going into work?" You couldn't even believe the words that were exiting your mouth. All your feelings now jumbled and confused. She always made you over think every little thing so you were drawing conclusions that you hated.

"God no! I was just teasing. You usually get my teasing.."

"Honestly trying not to pinch myself in case I wake up. So-" You couldn't find the words to describe what you were feeling.

Jack nodded, pulling you close, pressing her lips against yours for a moment before sitting back to look at you. "I know. He was just being Gibbs so I sassed him. Didn't mean to make you think this didn't mean anything less than amazing or something I haven't been dreaming of for months."

"Kiss me again."

Jack did as she was told with a smile and pressed her lips against yours and then a quick peck to the corner of your mouth before reluctantly pulling away. You huffed a puff of disappointment which only amused Jack further. "Anything longer and I won't be able to leave and Gibbs want's me in interrogation."

"That sounds like a bad idea."

"But who's going to question the almighty Gibbs?"

"Usually you, actually."

"Good point but I enjoy a good challenge." She brushed her nose against yours, placing a feather light kiss just under your eye. "Okay I need to go."

"That definitely sounds like a bad idea." You both laugh as Jack hops up, not before kissing the top of your head. You could definitely get use to her need to touch or kiss you all the time.

You follow her to the door, far enough back to check out her arse and watch as she slips on her boots and jacket. Her quirked eyebrow as she straightened up let you know that she absolutely caught you checking her out but her face turned serious before walking out. "Promise me you won't do anything crazy."

You couldn't help but roll your eyes. "I have a strong urge to go on a seven-mile run." You wink as she shakes her head.

"You can barely handle three miles." She laughs, cupping your cheek as you pout but it disappears as she leans in and kisses your forehead.

"It's just so boring. Give me a punching bag any day."

Her laughter continued as she opens the door and you watch her walk to her car, waving as she drives away. You smile and shake your head as you close the front door, this day had started off in the worst possible way but had quickly turned into the most magical one. It was only 1300. You hadn't made any plans to see Jack later on but there was no doubt that you'd either hear from her or see her before the day was out. She probably would've stayed if Gibbs hadn't called and you wouldn't have stopped her.

That seven-mile run never happened, once you crashed on the couch there wasn't any need to get up other than for the toilet once and then passed out on the couch for the remaining of the afternoon while the tv played in the background. The sun was just setting as a loud thump came from your front door. It continued rapidly when you didn't respond right away.

"Coming!" You flicked on the lamp by the couch as you walked to your front door, rubbing your eyes as you opened it.

Jack burst through the door, "You scared the crap out of me!" One hand holding a plastic bag and the other wrapping around your shoulders, pulling you into a tight embrace. "Don't you answer your phone?" She pulled back, looking you up and down, making sure you were alright.

"It's on silent, sorry." Jack runs her fingers over your neck, your bruises. "I put it on silent when I know for sure I will not be called in for work. Gibbs knows to call my land line if he needs to get me on days off." The explanation did nothing to alleviate the worry Jack had in her eyes. "Sorry." You repeat, leaning in and kissing her lips.

She seemed to relax after that, a soft hum escaping her body. Leaning back, she lifted up the plastic bag that had delicious smells coming from it and went into your living room, sitting down on her spot on the couch. You can't help but smile to yourself at how quickly that had come to be her spot. Leaning against the door frame happily watching as she unpacked take out containers on to your coffee table. "Well because you didn't answer I just guessed you haven't had dinner and brought pasta." She looked so at home in your place, slipping her shoes off and putting them to the side before waiting for you to reply or move.

"Love pasta but right now.." Jack's brow quirked as you sit down beside her, crowding her space again and kissing her before she could say anything. You hadn't managed to get her out of your head all afternoon, your dreams didn't help either. So, when she showed up at your door with dinner it took all your energy not to throw yourself on her there and then plus her worry had halted you in your tracks.

Her hands come up and her fingers thread into your hair, bringing you even closer as you swing your right leg over her lap, straddling her. Your hands resting, fisting the back of the couch. You pulled away, sucking in oxygen but you didn't open your eyes right away, enjoying the moment as Jack's hands moved down and holding you in place on her lap. "That some kind of thank you?" She smiled, kissing the corner of your mouth and then leaving a trail down your neck.

You hummed and groaned as she sucked harder at the base of your neck, smiling as you made all kinds of sounds when she kissed certain spots. "Think the dinner's getting cold." You breathe, sinking further into her lap, drawing a moan out of her.

"It is." She made a trail of soft kisses back up to your lips. "Want me to stop?"

You looked into her eyes as she straightened up, whiskey brown almost gone, her eyes dripping with desire as she captured your lips again. The only thing stopping you both was the grumble that came from your stomach which betrayed you and broke the kiss.

The pasta was worth the post-poned making out on the couch session, after all you could get back to that once you both had eaten. You shared glances and small talk between bites. Jack updated you on the case and was proud that she restrained herself enough in interrogation.

You sunk back into the couch, your stomach grumbling for an entirely different reason now. Jack is as full as you so you end up snuggled together on the couch, your head resting on her shoulder with her wrapped around you. A tv show catches both your attentions and you sit in mostly silence watching together. One episode leads into three and you can't keep your eyes open much longer.

"Think it's time to get you into bed." You hear Jack mumble and nod your head in agreement. She helps you up and into your bedroom, flipping the covers back on your bed and you hop in. Jack turns to leave but you catch her hand. "I'm just going out to pack up the takeout and I'll be back to see you before I leave. She places a kiss to your forehead and you let go of her hand.

It's less than five minutes and she's back to check on you but you couldn't stay awake long enough. Your soft purrs make her smile as she sits down on the bed by your hip, her fingers brush away hair that's fallen on your face. You hum at the feeling but don't quite wake up.

"You're beautiful, I don't know what I would've done if-" She cuts herself off, the words lodged in her throat. "Good night y/n." She leans forward gently pressing her lips to your forehead.

"Don't go.." You murmur, your hand coming out from under the blankets to seek out her.

"I was going to sleep on the co-" She laughs as you tug her hand, she braces herself so she doesn't fall on you but gets the hint and climbs into bed behind you. She slips off her top, her singlet underneath was comfortable enough to sleep in and shucks off her pants. You get impatient and roll over, still mostly asleep but you find some skin and your eyes snap open. Jack laughs at you and snuggles into a comfortable position facing you. "I can't sleep in my work clothes, now can I?"

"Guess not." Your hand coming up to cup her cheek and she turns kissing your palm. "Thank you for staying."

"Happy to." She wriggles closer, capturing your lips in a soft kiss and then pulls back to place another on your forehead. "Sleep, you've had a long day."

You had to agree but now that you were awake you needed to say something. "Jack I can't get you out of my head. I've tried to fight it for so long but after today. What are we doing?" Never in your dreams did you think Jack Sloane would be in your bed but here she was. This morning was hectic enough but because of that here you both were, snuggled up in bed together.

Her lips curled into a soft smile; your eyes adjusted to the darkness that you could make it out. Her eyes looking into yours when she found her answer. "I've liked you for so long, I never crossed the blurred line because I was scared. Scared of being turned down, of our friendship being ruined but when Gibbs called this morning. I knew, -" She paused, catching her breath along with her emotions. "I was going to say something in the hospital room but it was too crowded and then I didn't want it to seem like I was doing it because-"

You smiled, she was rambling, once she started spilling her feelings she didn't know how to stop. Now you had the moment to do what you'd always wanted to do, kiss her in the middle of talking. She smiled as you captured her lips, you were expecting a slap to the shoulder but instead she returned the kiss, cupping your cheek before you broke apart. "I know." With your foreheads touching, you closed your eyes and focused on her breathing. It eventually leveled out and so did yours. It carried you off to sleep and that night your dreams didn't come close how good the reality to would be when you woke up with Jack Sloane in your arms.

#jack sloane #jack sloane x reader #fem!reader #ncis x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #ncis fanfiction

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recurring-polynya · 4 years

Text

a little in love now and then, part 6/? | ao3 | ff.net |

Summary: Abarai Renji doesn’t have a fortune, but he does appear to be in want of a wife, at least in Lady Kuchiki’s opinion. Fortunately, Lady Kuchiki also has a sister, and a woefully eligible one, at that. (itty bitty Hisana Lived! AU)

Rating: T, for minor cussing

This time: The Cavalry: Renji seeks outside advice.

Renji pounded his fist against the doorframe. He waited. He pounded again. “KIRA!” he bellowed. “KIRA, IT’S ME, ABARAI! OPEN UP, I NEED YOU!”

Slowly, the door slid open, and the exhausted lieutenant of Squad 3 squinted at Renji with purple-shadowed eyes.

“Kira, how do noble people get married?” Renji demanded.

Izuru stared at him for a moment, taking into account the hour, the fact that Renji was dressed in his New Year’s best, and finally, the question. He rubbed at his hair and blinked, before realization penetrated his haze of sleep-deprivation. “What have you done?” he gasped, horrified.

“You look bad, buddy,” Renji observed, before he suddenly remembered the probable cause of Kira’s condition. “Aw, cripes, Kira, I’m sorry. I forgot about, you know.”

“My captain being sent to the Maggot’s Nest?” Izuru asked dryly.

Renji cringed. “Something crazy happened and I thought o’ you, and I really wasn’t thinkin’ and I’m sorry. I’ll just go.”

Kira rubbed at his face tiredly and tried to blink his eyes into focus. “You cannot just show up here and ask me how to marry a noble person and then leave again.” He managed a small smile. “Besides, if you and your captain hadn’t cracked open Aizen’s conspiracy, who knows how much worse things would be. I probably owe you one anyway.”

Renji hunched his shoulders. “I didn’t do anything, aside from trying and failing to beat up that Kurosaki kid.”

Izuru smashed a fist into Renji’s shoulder. “Whatever, meathead. The fact is, I am so sick of auditing the last forty years of squad records that digging you out of whatever horrifying situation you have enmeshed yourself in will be a delightful distraction. Let’s consider it a mutual favor.” He stepped aside and waved his hand. “Come inside and tell me whose honor you have besmirched. I’ll put on tea.”

“I haven’t besmirched anyone’s honor!” Renji excused, trailing his old school friend into his quarters. “Lady Kuchiki wants me to marry Rukia.”

Izuru almost tripped on his way into the kitchen and had to catch himself on the edge of the counter. “What?”

“Not, like, this minute. I guess she’s taken a liking to me, probably ‘cause her baby likes me, and she’s been trying to find a nice husband for Rukia, which seems like a terrible mistake, and she’s made an even worse mistake insofar as judging my suitability for this, and I’m trying to take advantage of it before she catches on.”

Izuru squinted at him. “She wants you to marry Rukia because she likes you? Not because of your decades of loyal pining and sad puppy dog eyes?”

“She doesn’t even know about that,” Renji nodded incredulously.

Izuru set the kettle on the stove. “So, let me get this straight. Back when we were in school, right after Rukia was adopted, you came up with this incredibly half-baked plan to distinguish yourself in the Gotei, impress Captain Kuchiki, defeat him in battle, and… you always refused to say the last part out loud. What was the goal, anyway? To see Rukia again? To prove to her that the only difference between you and a man born all of the wealth and advantage you can imagine is a little elbow grease? To ask for her hand in marriage?”

“Something like that,” Renji replied vaguely.

“And you’re telling me it worked?”

“I didn’t even have to fight Captain Kuchiki!” Renji exclaimed, waving his arms. “Which is good, because you weren’t there when he fought Aizen, but even with my bankai, I’m pretty sure he can still kick my ass.”

Izuru shook his head. “You are simultaneously the most blessed and cursed idiot I have ever met.”

“I know it,” Renji admitted sincerely.

“Okay, so let’s talk about what actually happened,” Izuru said, pulling out a pair of fine tea cups painted with elegant blue cranes. “Did they extend you an offer?”

“Huh?” Renji echoed. “No, nothin’ like that.”

“She just said, Mr. Abarai, you seem like a sporting fellow, would you like to marry my troublesome sister?”

“Rukia is not troublesome! And it was more like, she invited me over for dinner, and afterwards, Rukia said, ‘Oh, my sister wants to marry me off because I’m troublesome and she’s picked you’.”

“Because you seem like a chump?”

“I am absolutely a chump, but I am pretty sure Lady Kuchiki genuinely likes me.” He scratched his head. “It’s weird that a person exists who would marry Captain Kuchiki and also likes me.”

Izuru nodded thoughtfully. “Indeed. And how does Rukia feel about this?”

Renji made a face. “Well, she’s not a huge fan of it, but she didn’t shut it down, either. She’s willing to consider it.”

“Hmm,” Izuru replied with mild surprise. “And Captain Kuchiki?”

“He… doesn’t hate me,” Renji shrugged. “I’m not sure he knows what his wife is up to.”

“I see,” Izuru nodded, pouring hot water into the cups. “And what about you?”

“Me?” Renji repeated.

“Yes, Abarai, you get an opinion, too, you know.” Izuru studied his own friend carefully for a moment, before saying, “People can change a lot in forty years. You two didn’t exactly part on the best of terms.”

Renji’s face stiffened. “I know.”

Izuru took a cautious sip of tea. “I didn’t mean anything by it. You’re my friend and I just want to make sure you’re doing something that will make you happy.”

Renji huffed. “Look, I said Rukia wasn’t quite on board yet, and I ain’t interested in marrying anyone who ain’t interested in marrying me.”

“Granted,” Izuru nodded, waiting for him to go on.

Renji stared at his teacup as he spun it in his hands. “I blew it. Back then. I’m not… I can’t…” He let out a frustrated breath. “Of course I want to get to know her again. I’m sure some things have changed. But I can’t screw this up again. If this is my shot, I gotta take it.”

Izuru knew how much it embarrassed Renji to admit things like this. He felt very grateful that, despite the rocks their friendship had hit over the years, Abarai still trusted him this much. He cleared his throat. “Good. I have the landscape of it. You’re interested, Rukia is open. Lady Kuchiki is for it, Captain Kuchiki exists.”

Renji thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah. That sums it up pretty good.”

“So, let’s talk about the mechanics, which is why I suspect you’ve come to me. In general, it is your prerogative, as the guy, to propose. Very noble families, like the Kuchiki, might extend an offer of Rukia’s hand if they were trying to create an alliance or propose a deal with another family. It’s also possible that could happen if someone performed some great service to the family-- they very well could have offered her to that Kurosaki boy that stormed the Seireitei for her, for example.”

Renji’s shoulders went a little stiff, and Izuru realized he had hit a nerve. Maybe not quite a nerve. A soft spot. “He’s not even dead,” Renji pointed out, not sounding very confident that this was an adequate objection.

“Right, and he’s got no status in Soul Society at all, and also, they didn’t,” Izuru reassured him. “My point is, we should expect that the ball is in your court, at this point. There are two halves to this: proposing to Rukia and getting her Clan Head’s approval. Now, if you were rich and powerful enough, and didn’t care about Rukia’s feelings, you could skip her entirely, and go straight to Captain Kuchiki. Rukia would still have to agree, but it would be mostly on her family to get her buy in.”

“I don’t want that,” Renji mumbled.

“Exactly. Plus, you’re broke. You are still broke, right? If you’re not, you owe me 400 kan for your bar tab on Shuuhei’s birthday.”

“You mean when I had to leave early to drag Shuuhei home because he was blasted?”

“It was 600, but I’m giving you the good friend discount.”

Renji made a troubled face. “I am still broke, but I can pay you back.”

Izuru waved a hand. “Forget it, that wasn’t the point. The point is, and I cannot believe I am going to say this, but unless you plan on winning the lottery or passing your captain’s exam in the next few weeks, you are going to need to charm your way into this family. Lady Kuchiki likes you, but I am going to go out on a limb and say that it’s Rukia’s opinion of you that’s ultimately going to sway her, no?”

Renji nodded curtly. “That was my impression.”

“Then all of this is really a lot less complicated than you think. Spend some time with Rukia. See if she’s still the person you remember. Try to stay on Lord and Lady Kuchiki’s good side. Don’t jump the gun. If it’s meant to be, she should be so thrilled by the time you ask, she can help you wrangle the proper approvals from her sister and brother-in-law.”

Renji sighed, and took a long sip of tea. “What kinda odds you think I’ve got?”

Izuru gave a little shrug. “I’m frankly dumbfounded you’ve gotten this far. We are outside of the range of calculable probabilities.”

Renji fidgeted with the sleeve of his haori. “Do you really think… that Rukia might…”

Izuru settled his chin on one hand. “Abarai, in the time that I saw the two of you together, I found you and Rukia to have the most incomprehensible rapport I have ever seen between two people. I found her to be utterly impenetrable and you to be…” He trailed off. “Look, we’re outside of my area of expertise. I hope I was helpful on the nuts and bolts stuff.”

Renji’s eyebrows shot up. “Yeah! Yeah, thanks, Kira. You were super helpful. I’ll get outta here now, so you can get some sleep, I’m sorry to--”

“Hey!” Izuru interrupted him. “I didn’t tell you to leave. I just said we were out of my depth. Do you wanna call Momo? I’m pretty sure she hasn’t slept in a month, either.”

“Er…” Renji frowned. “Are you really sure--?”

Izuru was already on the phone. “Hey, Hinamori! How’s the endless cycle of self-recrimination going? Oh, you’re stress-baking again? Perfect. You want to get overly invested in Abarai’s personal life with me? Yeah, come over as soon as they’re done. No, you’re going to have to wait and hear him explain it, you would never believe me if I tried to tell you. Okay, great!” Izuru flipped his phone shut. “Momo’s in. She’ll be here in twenty minutes with dorayaki.” He paused. “You’re not imposing. This is good for us. Let us have this.”

“Ah,” said Renji. “Did you say dorayaki?”

#my writing #bleach fanfic #renruki #byahisa #WELP i guess we're doing this now

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nitewrighter · 4 years

Text

A Second Opinion Pt. 5

(Previously Titled “Villains want a Valkyrie)

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4

Read it on AO3 Here

-----

Reaper was lying on his side in a hospital gown on an examination table as several labtechs fussed over him while Moira looked on. Beneath the too-cold fluorescent lights of Talon’s med-bay, it was the sort of image that would make you laugh, not because it was funny, but rather because it was uncomfortable with the unnerving vulnerability of it all, but no one was laughing. One of the labtechs handed Moira the syringe and she quietly took it.

“You know this whole mess started with me having one ass cheek out,” said Reaper.

“Ventrogluteal injections and pelvic bone marrow samples are very normal medical procedures, Gabriel,” said Moira, holding the syringe up to the light and squinting at it.

“Are you sure taking more bits out of me is going to help?” said Reaper.

“Bone marrow extraction takes its toll, but it wasn’t as if you were mission ready anyway,” said Moira. One corner of her mouth twisted up with her focus, “I am seeing some nanite particulates in your marrow, which is to be expected... obviously...” she trailed off slightly and huffed, knowing there wasn’t much she could observe just holding it up to the light, “I’ll examine it more closely and run more tests. See if there’s anything I missed since the last time.”

“See what the Doc says about it,” said Reaper.

“That’s why she’s here, isn’t it?” said Moira, no bitterness leaving her voice.

“How is she?” said Reaper.

“Stubborn and passive aggressive as ever,” said Moira.

“I mean do you think she can help?” said Reaper.

“I believe you had my opinion before we brought her her here,” said Moira.

“Moira,” said Reaper.

“That remains to be seen,” said Moira, “If she can’t, well there’s always a bullet and the canals. And if she can... there’s a bullet and the canals.”

----

“No, it should only take a few minutes--” McCree was talking into his comm, pacing back and forth in front of Athena’s monitor. Some irritated chatter could be heard on the other side. “No, I don’t only call you when I need a teleporter! That’s ridiculous! We’re buddies, right?”

McCree seemed to wince a little as he received what could only be Satya’s eviscerating assessments of his character on the other end of the comm.

“Tell you what--Do me this solid and I’ll get that weird blotch out of the orca’s couch that you’re always complaining about,” said McCree.

A monosyllabic response was heard on the other end.

“You hate that blotch!” said McCree. McCree was chewing his lip as he paced back and forth in the room, Satya continuing to admonish and verbally cut him to ribbons on the other side of the comm. He could feel Hanzo’s steady gaze tracking him back and forth, but even worse was Baptiste’s eyes on him through the vid-com.

Genji himself seemed to have gotten into the habit of repeatedly fidgeting with his prosthetic arm’s shuriken loading mechanism to try and stave off his maelstrom of worries about Angela, sliding his wrist plate back and forth and clicking the shuriken out of place and back in. We should be going now, he thought, What if they’re hurting her? She’s fighting back. She has to. And they’ll hurt her for fighting back. They’re hurting her right now and you’re here and you’re a useless useless useless stupid pile of nuts and bolts with a handful of organs slapped on there who should have gone with her to that conference. This wouldn’t have happened if you were at that conference but nooooo you didn’t want to sit through a few 3 hour lectures and now---

“...is it always like this?” Baptiste spoke a little softly to Hanzo.

“I’m still getting used to it myself,” said Hanzo with a chuckle.

They’ve been talking for five minutes and he’s got a chuckle? It took me weeks to get Hanzo to crack a smile! Okay. Shut up brain. The Doc. This is about the doc. The thought flinched through McCree’s mind and blanked out Satya’s voice on the comm only briefly before he snapped back to attention and blurted out, “Dagnabbit, Satya, lives are on the line!”

There was a pause on Satya’s end and then an, “Understood.”

“...Seriously?” said McCree.

“Lives are on the line, as you say,” said Satya, “I’ll be there with the necessary equipment for a teleporter in a few minutes.”

“Th..thanks...” said McCree, honestly amazed he managed to convince her. Then again she was . He clicked out of the comm.

“A few minutes,” he said, looking back at the Shimada brothers and Baptiste on the Vid-com, “Then we can have you over here like that.” He snapped his fingers before turning to Genji, “I can still call it off--so I want you to be sure about this---”

“I’m sure---” Genji started.

“You’re not sure, you’re scared, and that’s fine,” said McCree, “But we shouldn’t trust this guy just because you’re desperate to get the Doc back. You can’t just go on Hanzo’s word.”

Genji straightened his shoulders, “You’re right,” he said, before turning to Baptiste on the screen, “You said you worked with Doctor Ziegler in Venezuela, right?”

“Right,” said Baptiste, a little hesitantly.

“Do you have anything on you that might... verify that work together?”

“I’ve tried to leave as little a trail as possible, you understand,” said Baptiste, “Doctor Ziegler was pretty intense and secretive as well at the time, so we weren’t exactly best friends.”

“Hm...” Genji looked thoughtful.

“She was... pretty set on having no one recognize her from her posters,” Baptiste let out a hapless chuckle, “And she couldn’t stand being called ‘Mercy.’”

Genji seemed to perk up at this.

“We did take a photo or two together, but... those are back at my clinic...” said Baptiste trailing off, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. We were both very focused on helping our patients at the time.”

“You said she leaves an impression,” said Genji.

“She does!” said Baptiste, “Smart, tough, focused---But I’m pretty sure what I saw of her is what anyone would see of her.” He paused, “I will say, she brews the absolute worst pot of coffee I have ever tasted.”

Genji’s visor brightened. “What did you say?”

“Well I wouldn’t expect her to be a barista or culinary genius--” Baptiste went on.

“But did you say it was the worst?” said Genji, the lights on his shoulders practically blazing with excitement.

“Oh, by far, the worst,” said Baptiste, hardly paying attention, “It was honestly impressive how bad this coffee was--like I’m pretty sure we were only a mile north of a coffee farm. You could not have gotten more premium, locally sourced beans, and it still tasted like she filtered the grounds through the devil’s asshole.”

“They did work together...” Genji said, a breathless awe in his voice.

The door slid open and Genji, Hanzo, and McCree, all turned around to see Satya standing in the doorway.

“Satya!” McCree’s face lit up, “I can’t tell you how much it means that you’re--”

Satya stepped aside with her usual curt grace and Jack marched into the doorway. “Care telling me what you wanted a teleporter for?”

“You narc’d?” said McCree, looking at Satya. She gave him a sharp sidelong glance through her visor. His shoulders slumped. “Of course you narc’d. You’re dating the only narc bigger than you on this watchpoint.”

“Of course. You must admit that your whole situation was highly dubious,” said Satya.

Both Genji and Hanzo gave a distressed look to McCree and McCree’s stomach lurched at the thought of having to play the advocate for someone Hanzo seemed a bit too excited to bring to the Watchpoint, but he remembered Mercy still in Talon’s clutches and straightened his shoulders. They needed Baptiste. As much as McCree hated to admit it, they needed whatever help they could get.

“Well look, Jack,” McCree started, “You’re not strike commander anymore, and we handled ourselves fine for a few months without--”

McCree’s shoulders slumped at the sound of Winston clearing his throat. Winston leaned into the doorway behind Jack and Satya with an awkward-but-endearing wave.

“Hanzo,” Winston tented his thick fingers, “I do appreciate you being proactive in recruiting other members but--”

Jack pointed a finger at the screen, “Can he hear us?”

“Yes he can,” said Baptiste, flatly.

Winston cleared his throat again and Jack lowered his finger.

“As I was saying, Hanzo, I appreciate bringing in extra help, but you’ve only recently gone off probation. If anyone’s going to be doing any vetting around here, it’s going to be--”

“Satya?” Baptiste spoke up.

Symmetra suddenly perked up, “Lieutenant Augustin?”

“Oh come on, you know her, too?” said McCree.

“Only briefly--You got away from Vishkar?” Baptiste’s eyes were wide from amazement.

Satya cleared her throat, “Well--um--yes,” she said, curling the fingers of her prosthetic hand tentatively.

Baptiste huffed with some relief. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am to hear that. And you’re fighting alongside Overwatch?”

“Well.. they saved my life, and I should hate to see other people manipulated and taken advantage of like I was. So... here I am,” said Satya.

“Can we maybe not spill entire agent dossiers to unverified free agents?” Jack muttered.

“No-no, let them talk,” said Winton.

“Winston--” Jack’s teeth were gritted as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“This life suits you, Satya. I like the new look,” said Baptiste.

“Oh--it’s not a new look, the hair-is--is--it’s just down,” said Satya, fidgeting with her hair a bit, “You look well, also. The beard suits you.”

Baptiste chuckled.

McCree was slack-jawed. ‘What the hell is happening’ was lined out in every crease and whisker on his face. Baptiste knew Satya. Satya, who may as well have grown up in a hyperbaric sensory deprivation chamber for all Vishkar did to cut her off from the world. And, even more baffling, Satya seemed to like him. Satya, who didn’t like anybody. Except Pharah. And Ana. And Hanzo. And Zenyatta. And Genji. And Mei. And Mercy. Okay, all things considered McCree probably just took it personally that Satya didn’t seem terribly keen on him.

“So you do know him?” said Winston.

“It... it was back when I was in Vishkar,” said Satya, turning to Winston, “So I am not sure how... legitimate my attestation may be, but I can assure you that he’s an excellent medic.”

“And with Ana and Lúcio deployed we are short on Medics...” said Winston, thoughtfully.

“I have biotic fields,” said Jack, stiffly.

Both Winston and Symmetra gave Jack an almost pitying sidelong glance, and Jack just huffed and folded his arms.

“Respectfully speaking, from what these three have told me, I don’t believe Doctor Ziegler has a lot of time for deliberation on our end,” said Baptiste, “If it helps, I can take the pulse rounds out of my biotic launcher. No offense, all medicine.”

“Biotic launcher?” said Genji.

“Modified from a standard Caribbean Coalition pulse rifle,” said Baptiste, hauling up a somewhat clunky-looking gun.

“Sure, let’s just let the guy who seems to magically know Hanzo and Satya and the Doc splash us with god-knows-what,” said McCree, rolling his eyes.

“I know what,” said Hanzo, giving a sharp look to McCree, “He’s saved many lives with that launcher. He’s saved mine with it, too.”

“...Ah,” said McCree.

“So both of you are willing to vouch for him?” said Winston, looking between Hanzo and Symmetra.

“I understand my standing in this organization isn’t as established as others--” said Symmetra.

“And mine far less so,” said Hanzo, “But yes.”

“Yes, we can trust him,” said Symmetra.

“And he did know Angela. I’m sure of it,” said Genji.

“Winston, if you’re sure about this...” said Jack.

“I’m not,” said Winston, “But losing Doctor Ziegler would not only devastate this organization, but biotic research all over the world. It’s a risk we have to take. Athena--you have a lock on his coordinates?”

“Yes,” chimed Athena.

“Satya?” said Winston.

Satya stepped forward and made a sweeping gesture with her prosthetic, “Now, this may be jarring if you’ve never teleported before.”

“I can handle it,” said Baptiste, smiling, “And... thank you. I’ll do my best to earn your trust.”

“Winston--” Genji put a hand on Winston’s shoulder, “Thank you.”

“You can thank him when we get the Doc back,” said McCree.

“Let’s just hope Lynx Seventeen has those schematics ready,” said Winston.

----

“As I suspected... no avascular necrosis...” said Mercy, pushing past several x-rays on a computer screen in her swivel chair before swiveling to face the microscope. It annoyed Moira to see Mercy working as if she wasn’t completely at Talon’s, for lack of a better word, mercy, but then again, lab work could be a comfort in and of itself. The one thing she could have control over. “He remained stable when you were taking the bone marrow sample?” said Mercy, looking through the microscope.

“He did,” said Moira, “What were your observations on the samples I gave you?”

“His white blood cell count is unnervingly low, and there doesn’t seem to be any particular spike in toxins in his urine,” said Mercy, “But from what other data you gave me, in theory the nanites should be picking up the slack with his immune system.”

“’In theory,’” said Moira, folding her arms, “His lack of any significant bacterial infections is proof enough that they are picking up the slack.”

“They’re also destroying his body. I’m going to need a clearer timetable on how fast his deterioration is going if I’m going to help him,” said Mercy.

“If I knew, I would tell you,” said Moira, pushing her red hair back, “That’s the thing about nanites--they’re meant to keep the body going even in the event of catastrophic organ failure. In theory his heart could stop and he could keep... keep...” she closed her eyes, “The nervous system and skeletal systems are probably the final threshold.” She remembered Reaper’s finger falling off and her stomach lurched, “There’s already structural failure in his extremities, but no loss of coordination yet.”

“This is what happens when you push the human body far past what it’s supposed to do...” Mercy said mostly to herself in a sigh.

Something stung in the pit of Moira’s stomach at those words. She could have just shrugged it off and called Mercy a coward with regards to science as she always did. The human body was a mess, after all--the spine and knees structural nightmares, the brain a complete mess of chemicals whose imbalances were nigh impossible to decipher save through the crapshoot of behavioral observation, and of course there was the whole matter of cells that sometimes simply forgot how to properly propagate and then ended up killing the whole damn body. The human body could be improved. The human body had to be improved. But, and in later reflections she would suppose this was probably her own distress over Gabriel wanting Mercy to feel that same guilt and fury, instead of saying any of this, she said, “Of course you feel that way, if you had your way, Genji would probably still be in crutches now.”

Mercy bristled and swiveled around in her chair. “Excuse me?”

“It was easier to ignore his true nature when he was rolling around in a wheelchair or looking up at you from those infirmary beds,” said Moira, perfectly calm.

“The cybernetics Blackwatch gave him were abhorrent,” Mercy seethed, “The damage to his mental health was--”

“What he needed. No one liked looking at what Blackwatch was doing. Not Jack, and not you. But he needed it. You have no idea how dearly he needed it. What was done to him put a hunger in him no coddling therapy could sate. You didn’t see what I saw in the Venice incident,” a chuckle rippled out of her, “And then of course Overwatch puts him in shining armor as soon as they put him on Oxton’s ever-so-marketable strike team. I suppose I can’t blame him for eventually believing he was what they told him he was.”

Mercy stood up so fast she knocked the chair back and it thudded against the table. “You have the gall to assume you know his true nature from seeing him at his lowest point?” Moira only needed to raise her withered hand, the node of her biotic rig glowing faintly purple, and Mercy drew back slightly.

“Is that not our true nature?” said Moira, she flicked her hand slightly, and Mercy flinched a little, knowing what would happen with contact, “Do what we must to survive? Do what we can to avoid pain?” She looked back at the screens displaying Reaper’s cells in their endless battle and dance. “The Americans launch the Soldier Enhancement Program so that we might survive the Omnics. I inject Gabriel with nanites so he might survive the SEP serum. You help us stabilize him in the hopes of your own survival. That’s all we ever do. That’s all we ever are,” she looked back at the nanites on the screen, “Right down to our most basic parts.”

“The world is a lot less lonely when you assume everyone is as monstrous as you, isn’t it?” the words slipped out of Mercy.

Moira didn’t want to think of what she did next as impulsive or a reaction of anger. Instinctive, maybe, a fulfillment of her word. As her hand clamped down on Mercy’s shoulder and Mercy screamed with the biotic rig sucking the energy out of her, Moira reminded herself that she had told Mercy at the start of all this that failure to comply would result in pain. But it’s not as if she’s not complying, is she? Moira’s own inner critic spoke up, You brought her here to help Gabriel. You were the one who brought up Genji--It’s almost funny how fast just bringing him up upsets her. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad. Moira didn’t release until Mercy’s knees buckled. She was gripping the edge of the desk, gasping for breath.

“The world is as monstrous as me,” said Moira, “Get that through your head and maybe you might live a little longer.”

#gency #mchanzo

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ladybugsfanfics · 5 years

Text

Shut Up And Kiss Me [3/?] | Tom Hiddleston x reader

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x reader

Style: Part Three of ?

WC: 2864

Warning: cursing, drunkness, some talk about not sleeping enough (sleep deprivation)

Summary: You and Professor Hiddleston have been colleagues for many years now, and through those years the hatred for each other has only grown. Now, as a new school year starts, you’re being told that you have to share a classroom or a class. Neither are happy about the outcome, but knowing you’ll never come to an agreement, you let the class choose for you. Team-teaching is rare in 2019, but it is a lot harder to do when you can’t stand the person you’re doing it with.

A/N: aaa, can’t believe I actually managed to wait a week, but it was worth it because, uuh, before I edited the part i wasnt too happy with it but now I am really proud so like, yeah, also there’s a myth mentioned in this. Said myth is called Thor the Transvesite and i recommend reading it because it is hilarious and one of my fave norse myths. enjoy ^_^

If you want to be tagged, please send an ask or a DM ^_^

Previous | Series Masterlist | Part Four

You lean back in your chair, hands warmed by a cup of hot chocolate that tastes of heaven as you sip it.

Across the room, Hiddleston is approached by Alisha Grant. The head of HR owes you a favor and now you get to see her do the little thing you’d asked of her the night before.The English Literature professor frowns at her words, pulls back in confusion and purses his lips with what you can only read as anxiousness. His feet start tapping against the floor and he pushes his glasses up his nose with his pointer finger.

Dr. Grant smiles at him, turns and leaves, walking towards you. She stops in front of the table you occupy. “Happy?” she asks.

You nod with a beaming smile. “Of course. Now he’s anxious and the rest of part one will be easy.”

She shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “I put you two in the same classroom so you’d become more capable of behaving in each other’s presence, yet here you are, making me do something that helps with the exact opposite.”

“And you love me for it,” you say and sip your hot chocolate with a smug smile. “You find our rivalry as cute as Benedict. God, I was at his place on Friday to talk to him about this research thing I’m doing and he couldn’t talk about anything but our feud.”

“Oh, because you can.” Alisha rolls her eyes again. “Anyways, I’ve done as you asked and now you’ll have to excuse me, I have a lunch to attend.”

“Sure, don’t eat with me. I’m not all alone and bored to death,” you say sarcastically.

Alisha shakes her head, though with an amused smile tugging at her lips. “You’ll have to ask someone else then. Bye.” She gives a little wave and walks away, still shaking her head.

As she leaves, a rather angry professor marches up to you. Hiddleston’s brows are knitted together and his eyes stare daggers at you. You only smile innocently at him, fully enjoying the moment.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asks, his accent more pronounced with the anger in his voice.

You shrug. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Just out here bullshitting my way through life.” You sip your hot chocolate, smiling smugly behind the mug.

“No, you had something to do with Dr. Grant approaching me.” He sits down in the chair across from yours. “What did you tell her?”

“Nothing,” you say, which, in all honesty, is the truth. “We’re friends, okay? I’m sorry she isn’t yours. Jealousy isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but remember to tone it down a little maybe?.”

The neck in his veins bulges out, blue shading the fair color of his skin, and threatening to explode. You purse your lips, though the lower trembles a little and tears starts to form in your eyes. Suppressing a laugh is harder than you thought.

“Oh, shut up,” he says and stands. “Don’t believe I don’t know what you’re doing.”

Watching him madly stalk away makes its way to the top ten things everyone should experience in life. You have never seen something as beautiful (to be honest, his little ass isn’t that bad).

---

“You’re an idiot, do you know that?” Hiddleston hisses at you.

“Excuse me?” You stare at him. “I’m the idiot? Have you met yourself?”

He clenches his fists, opens his mouth, and decides against it. Hiddleston takes a glance up at the thirty students writing away at their computers and chatting with each other. You scoff. If you knew all it would take for him to shut up was to have students in the room, you’d have proposed this idea to Dean McHallan years ago.

The professor takes a step closer to you, close enough for you to hear his heartbeat and feel his breath mix with yours. “I’m not sure exactly what you have as a brain, but I can assure you, it is no bigger than a nut,” he says, venom laced in his voice.

“And I can assure you, it still contains more information than the bloated one you have.”

---

The papers spread out on your office floor make less sense now than they did when you first put them down. Instead of being a fun research project as you hoped, it gives you a massive headache. Nevertheless, you had gotten some very nice ideas for classes.

Your sophomore class had taken a liking to the idea of researching norse mythology in a new way. Reading some of the myths had turned into a great laughing session and been turned into an assignment to study as relics and reports, a great way to learn how to assess a source.

And for the creative writing class on Thursday―you have yet to propose this to Hiddleston―you have an idea to use allusions to pepper in nuance to a story.

But for the moment, as your mind is blank and a pikachu and a bulbasaur pops up, you’re pretty sure the last two all nighters weren’t a good idea. Or maybe you’re playing Pokemon Go with your mind (who knows?).

You startle to a knock on your office door. “Come in,” you say and try to shake away the two pokemon in front of you as you regain your balance. It only works halfway and the person who opens the door steps on them as he comes inside. Actually, it might be that shot or two (shh, it wasn’t more) of vodka you took to brainstorm that does this.

“Why aren’t you going home?” Benedict sighs and gives you a worried look.

You shrug. “Beats me. I really should,” you say and nod aggressively, with a grimace saying ‘you’re-right’.

Benedict tilts his head. “Are you drunk?” he asks and takes a step further into the room.

“Noooo,” you say and hop down from your desk. You land on the mess of papers, mixing up their positions. “I would never.” You furiously shake your head no and then slowly go over to nodding. “Actually, now that I think about it. I might be?”

“Okay, come here. I’m driving you home.” He holds out a hand for you to take.

You accept it and smile at him. “You’re such a good friend.” Your nose scrunches as you coo at him and smile wider, showing teeth.

He nods with a smile. “I know I am. You have your things?”

You let go of his hand and turn around to find your backpack. “Ready,” you say, only to go and get your jacket. You stop mid track and your eyes widen. “Oh, oh, oh.” You scramble to your desk and find a pen and paper, and write down the idea that popped into your head.

“Y/N,” says Benedict, his voice soft, “we should leave.”

You wave at him. “Uno momento,” you say in broken Spanish and finish the sentence. You squeal at the amazing idea and scramble for your coat, putting the note in the pocket. “Ready!”

Benedict shakes his head, though he smiles and follows you out. He locks your office for you and takes your car keys. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, too, don’t worry about it.”

“I won’t,” you say and hug him from the side. “You’re the best. Not like Tom. He’s the worst.”

You hear the physics professor sigh, but he doesn’t comment on it as you slowly begin to talk about the English Lit professor. He doesn’t mention it as you talk about the man’s personality, nor does he mention it when the words, “he has no business being that hot,” slips out and you let out a heavy sigh.

---

You groan as you get into the passenger seat of Benedict’s car. “You have no idea how much my head hurts,” you say and stare at him through a pair of sunglasses.

“Then you shouldn’t drink and work.” He rolls his eyes, but you notice the smile playing on his lips. “What made you believe that was a good idea?”

“Uhh, I believe it was the all-nighters. After all, when you came into the room I saw pokemon.” You groan at the hazy memory. “Fuck, that’s usually not even a consquence of alcohol.”

Benedict takes a turn out of your neighborhood. “No, but it is a symptom of sleep deprivation. You should take better care of yourself.” He casts a quick glance your way with a worried smile, and then puts his attention back on the road. “What more do you remember?”

You shrug. “Uhh, you helping me. Getting my things.” You scrunch your face to rack your brain for the hazy moments of last night, but not much more comes to mind. “Did I do something stupid?”

A chuckle comes from Benedict. “Be glad I was the one to find you,” he says. “You didn’t do anything stupid until after, though. But I remember you having some bright idea? Care to indulge?”

“Bright idea?” you ask.

“Yeah, you were about to get your jacket when you had some realization and wrote something down.”

“Oh,” you say. You check your jacket pockets, and true enough, there’s a post-it note inside it. You unfold the note and try to decipher the scrambled words. talk to tom about class. (remember don’t mention your crush shhhh)

You nod, curl the paper and put it back into your pocket. “It was not a good idea and really you should never trust drunk people to have good ideas.”

Benedict laughs and you sit back in silence. You press your lips together as your mind races through the few things you said as Benedict helped you home. Biting your lip, you can’t remember anything that will alert your friend to something you don’t want him to know. Nor did he see the note, so you should be good.

Still, during the next few minutes before Benedict pulls up to campus, your heart beats unsteadily. Your head throbs and your gut churns at the stupid admittance from your drunk and sleep deprived self. The knowledge that said secret is about the person you allegedly hate, that gives you countless headaches throughout the day, and that you’re teaching a class with in a few hours, has your head spin and your throat go dry.

Yup, sure, looking forward to it.

---

“Professor Y/L/N.”

You turn around to the small smile of one of your students. Mr. Holland purses his lips, his grip on a piece of paper turning his knuckles white. “What can I help you with?” you ask him, returning his kind, albeit nervous, smile.

He looks down. “I was wondering if you could, uh, read over this story I wrote.” He hands you the paper and carefully looks up at you. “You don’t have to, really, I just… I have you in both history and this and you said to use classes to ease the workload, and well, I have this story that does a take on one of the myths we have in history.”

“Really?” You raise a brow and accept the paper. The title reads Lady Thor, and immediately you smile knowing which myth he chose. The image of Thor claiming to be Freya and swinging Mjolnir at his new husband and the guests, all the while dressed in a bridal gown that spared no expenses. “Even this one. You know, this is one of my favorites.”

Mr. Holland nods. “Yeah, of the ones you showed us, it’s mine, too.” He puts a hand on his neck and rubs. His eyes avoid your gaze a little, but through his eyelashes you can see him look up at you for a reaction.

You smile wider, eye crinkling at the sides. “I’ll read through it tonight, okay?”

At the words, Mr. Holland visibly relaxes. His arm falls down to his side, and he smiles. “Oh, wow, that’s really cool of you. Thank you so much.”

You widen your smile at him. “Don’t worry about it.”

Mr. Holland nods and shakes his head at the same time, looking like a little kid finally getting that present he wants. “Thank you so much. Have a nice day, professor Y/L/N. Thank you so much.”

You let out a laugh. “Thank you. Have a nice day, too, Mr. Holland,” you say, “see you tomorrow in class.”

He nods and leaves the classroom, last of the thirty students after yet another class of creative writing. You let out a content sigh and gather your things on the desk, tucking the paper with his story carefully into the same fold as your laptop so as not to wrinkle it.

“Uh,” Hiddleston says, and you turn your head and glance at him, “this idea of yours, incorporating other works into their own, it was rather good.”

You raise a brow and fully turn around. “Wait? Is what I’m hearing praise? From Thomas William Hiddleston? From the man who hates my guts?” You fish your phone out of your pocket and open the camera. “Can you say it again, but on camera so I have proof?”

Hiddleston rolls his eyes. “Can’t you just take the compliment? I know there’s not a lot of space in the nut you call a brain, but maybe try to find some for basic mannes.”

“Oh, because there’s more space in yours? Sure, it’s bloated, but we both know how small it really is.” You scoff and turn around, putting your phone back in your pocket and closing the zipper of your backpack. “You know what, Hiddleston?” You turn back to him.

“What?”

“You’re just annoyed that I might actually have the upper hand in this class. That my ideas are better than yours and that, really, I should have the whole class. You know as well as I that the only reason I don't is because you’re too proud to admit I’m better than you.”

The man takes long, quick strides, closing the distance between you two. “I’m not annoyed. Rather I find it fascinating that you’re teaching a class that you’re less qualified for than the rest of the teaching faculty.”

“I’m more than qualified. In fact, I believe I’m more qualified than you in certain aspects of it. All you got is your literature and your language, and sure it helps, but you’re too stuck up with the old you don’t know what’s new and how to actually make these students achieve to the best of their abilities.” You raise your voice. Eyes lock onto his; You can see your reflection in them, see the anger riddled on your face. “The fact that you don’t think I’m qualified is exactly why you’re brain is bloated; It’s because you can’t see facts unless they’re touching your dick.”

Hiddleston shakes his head. “Oh, yeah,” he says, “and why can’t you realize that I never did anything to you and that the only reason you hate me is because you need some action in your life?”

What has that got to do with anything?

You take a step closer to him. “Action? And what action do you give my life?” His breath mixes with yours. “You give me headaches, stomach aches making me want to not show up for work. I’ve missed every birthday of Benedict’s kids because of you and I love those kids. You ruin my life because you can’t see that not everything revolves around you. You’re not the freakin’ sun, but you damn as well might be the Earth being that egocentric”

You’re both shouting now. Your words mix together and distorts into the background. One step closer and you can smell his cologne, One step closer and his heartbeat mixes with yours, creating a rhythm that takes control of your mind. Half a step closer and you’re inches apart, close enough for you to look into those blue-green eyes of his and see the fury sparkle. Half a step closer and you’ll be close enough to only need one push and your lips will touch his.

Neither of you stop shouting, but as you take that step closer, you forget what you’re arguing about, even though your mouth continues to shout words.

Never in a million years would you admit the thought that runs through your head as you take that step. Never in a million years would you act on said thought. But, right there and then, it crosses your mind. It races across, asking a million questions of what would happen if you were to lean up those few inches and capture his lips in a heated kiss that would finally shut him up.

But you don’t act.

No, instead, your voice returns. Instead, your head grows clear. Instead, Tom’s voice slows down, the volume of his voice decreasing.

In that moment, you know with one hundred percent certainty; You will never admit to why you hate him. You’ll never admit it’s easier to hate. Easier to fuel unnecessary rage and unjustified actions. Easier to keep hating and fuel the energy behind it.

Because asking for forgiveness takes courage you don’t possess.

permanent tags: @devilbat @adefectivedetective

tom tags: @inlovewith3 @bookgirlunicorn @mindlesschicca @justawriterinprogress

SUaKM tags: @plooffairy @just-the-hiddles @jennytwoshoes @lokissidehoe @fruitfly123 @princetale @scorpionchild81 @noplacelikehome77 @winterisakiller @lostsoldieronahill @nonsensicalobsessions @cherrygeek86 @louhpstuff @olyamoriarty @sunshinein17 @kthemarsian @kumikowi @secretcupcakekitty @buckygrantbarnes @josis-teacup @runawaygiirl @januarycalendargirl @funny-fangirl @kinghiddlestonanddixon @scorpiomindfuck @dr-kayleigh-dh @inmyworstlies @twhgirl

Bold in the taglist means tumblr won’t let me mention you :(

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klowee · 5 years

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Five weeks into keto — still miss carbs every. day.

this is the first evening I’ve had to myself in weeks — and I scored it because I stayed late after work (content planning for septemeber/october). it’s been even longer since I’ve had the opportunity to just write something for myself (read: tumblr).

so, I’m five weeks into keto — regularly medium to deep into ketosis (I pee on strips that let me know the quantities of ketones my body is producing).

How it started (the very truthful why)

my cousin lindsey asked me to be her maid of honour for her upcoming wedding coming up in october. asian families are notorious body shamers and will judge you for extra weight. focused on my career for the last few years, I’d gradually gained a bunch of weight. I didn’t look terrible — I looked thicker, curvier. but not only did compliments on my appearance reduce over time (I hadn’t thought much of it — attributed most of it to age and thought it was because people were just taking me more seriously).

my massage therapist called me out. he’s been healing me for nine years. one day, he says to me, “what happened? you come in before so beautiful — now, just ok. little bit fat.” told me to eat until i was 80 per cent full and to cut out sugar and pork.

my friend i live with noted i was getting “buddha-isn” and my clothes were not fitting the same anymore. I had become a full size eight.

so one morning, I come out of the shower and I see my reflection and just lose it. sobbing, I torture myself in that moment by pinching my no-longer-tight core and shake my arms. I cried for about an hour before I made the decision: I’m 34 years old and it’s time to make a change.

Wait, what is keto — what exactly are you doing

so, you may or may not have heard of this diet. my sister actually suggested we do it as “the jlo challenge” — it’s one of the diets celebs swear by. similar to paleo, south beach and atkins, it’s a low carb, zero sugar — high fat diet. I basically deprive my body of carbs and sugar (what bodies typically run off of), and use fat instead. my body currently produces ketones from stored fat as a source of energy. this diet was originally designed for kids with epilepsy — harvard flags it as a risk but it’s affective for weight loss. it’s a science you have to take very serious — and the diet is super strict. it’s my first diet.

so my favourite foods, such as bread, noodles, rice — even fruit. fruit. fruit like watermelon, mangos are off limits. a lot of vegetables are also off the table. i eat a lot of spinach, protein, avocado, eggs, nuts, cauliflower, cheese and other leto-friendly eats. so much salad. no dressing — unless i’m feeling caesar (that’s allowed).

Ok, so this keto thing working?

in five weeks I’ve lost 14 pounds. I’m a size six again and it feels a lot better. I’m a weird kind of hungry sometimes — and I do miss carbs. anyone who tells you you won’t crave it at all anymore is lying to you. you think you do keto and suddenly fries aren’t delicious anymore? no. they are. so is bread. and everything good in this world to eat.

I feel a lot better. I haven’t had hearty meal in five weeks — but i sometimes cheat with cauliflower pizzas. they are still low carb but they provide that swallowing sensation you get from carbs.

Why would you do this to yourself?

listen, it all sounds bad because ultimately I’m doing it because I wanted to be thinner. at my peak, I was a size four. my frame is not a small one. but i haven’t felt attractive in a long time and when you feel like that you can either submit to it or make a change. it was time for me to make a change so I could feel good again.

i’ve learned a lot about my body. it’s working. and when i’m done, i’m going to have to transition to the 80/20 lifestyle for a while.

is this long-term sustainable?

for me? no. hence the 80/20 thing. but even that is going to be challenging. it was time for me.

are you being called out for being anti-feminist?

yeah, I’ve been criticized for my choice. my body. my choice. and yeah, i might be thinning out because of shitty beauty standards that I DID NOT SET. i may be unintentionally reproducing toxic ideas by participating in such a diet. but fuck, the world has made me feel like such shit about myself that i felt it was necessary.

i couldn’t have sex comfortably the way i was. i am still body-positive and i support the movement — for me, I didn’t feel right in my own body. it’s been very challenging and i’ve grappled with a lot of theories around all of this. don’t think i haven’t thought about all of it.

would you recommend it?

i will never offer unsolicited advice to anyone. i still stand by my “do what feels right” philosophy. if this is something you want to try to feel good for whatever reason — consider it. it’s a lot of work and you can’t eat most things. it’s hard. it sucks. socializing is brutal. but the results are real.

anyway, i’ve had a lot of feelings about this. thanks for letting me share.

...it’s time to watch a quick episode of orange is the new black (I’m not done yet).

love, the gaysian

#personal #feelings #diet #keto #the gaysian #real life #my body

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cards-onthetable · 5 years

Text

On Today’s Episode

Of “why tf do I watch this show”

A recap of my thoughts conveniently organized by storyline. Spoilers.

Frank:

Oh boy, anytime Frank has to Engage with the Social Activists I get my eye roll eyes ready. 🙄🙄

“Now we do what cops do ———— wE iNvEsTiGaTe.” Omg spare me.

🙄 @ saying that talking to the protestors is “akin to negotiating with terrorists”

I’m bored of this and have nothing to say about the end of this storyline. Ugh.

Danny:

LOL @ Sean and his little girlfriend and the girlfriend’s dad getting the house wrong. 😂😂 This might be fun to watch.

How did both of these dads miss that it’s a teacher workday? Or like what’s even going on here? 😂😂

JENNIFER UNFOLLOWED ME ON INSTAGRAM, TWITTER, AND JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE.

So 1. LOL @ this Social Media Breakup. 2. This just tells me the writers couldn’t think of any other social media that The Kids These Days use. 😂😂

“Y’all have a good day” TeXaS amirite?

OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TABLED. Look who needs help from the Bad Influence Cop now, HUH RONNIE?

Oh this is a nice sweet little reconciliation.

Danny saying “y’all have a good day now” = best moment of the season

Anthony:

Why the fuck is Anthony Abetemarco in front of me in fucking jeans right now? Spare me.

Literally the last thing I want to see is Anthony and Erin ~working together~ to solve Anthony’s ex-wife issues.

Also why is Anthony equating “talking to my ex’s psychiatrist” with “making sure my kid doesn’t move away”? Erin’s right, the shrink would never give him any info, and what does the shrink have to do with the ex’s choice to move or not? POOR PREMISE. This dumb show.

Now he’s going to yell at this poor psychiatrist in her hospital bed for doing her job? Tactful, Anthony. Gtfo.

Thank goodness for Erin and her rational perspective. Like if Anthony thinks his ex is in danger from this stabber, then go warn/protect her, don’t fucking yell at NYPD detectives doing their job.

Also props to BB because for once Danny didn’t magically end up on Erin’s case. 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

This Applebee’s chicken tender commercial is more compelling than Anthony’s hotheaded stupidity I mean come on.

Literally ugh @ all of this.

Not related but SID IN JEANS TOO? Wtf all I’m asking for is Jamie in his Relaxed Fit jeans from the Gap, macadamia nut colored Pumas on his feet, chilling for an easy night in on his couch. But no, we get Sid in jeans instead.

OH COOL Anthony and fam staying with Erin? This bodes well for my anti-Anthony/Erin position.

Is Erin talking Anthony up to his ex or declaring her love for him? Geez “real sweetheart” my ass.

Oh hey I can deal with this Anthony and his ex talking again thing. Anything but Anthony and Erin 😫

Jamko:

I’m dying @ Jamie’s little rookie. Jamie’s “Then you’ll be able to focus on the most important part of the job — choosing where we take our meal” line was A+ cute and reminiscent jab at Eddie, D- deadface emotionless delivery.

OMG JAMIE’S SWEEPING THIS UNDER THE RUG?!? SCANDAL!!!1!

Look at this dumb face.

Eddie doesn’t approve. Something something keeping work and home separate something blah blah blah.

LOL @ this framed picture of their benevolent leader with a twinkle in his eye

ArE yOu ReLaTeD tO FrAnK ReAgAn?! Ugh but at least this guy is an ex-cop who has a reason to know who FrAnK is. It bugs me when Random Citizens always know who the PC is. Also that autocapitalized FrAnK and I’m leaving it.

“Jamie, you’re a rookie sergeant!” 👀👀👀👀👀👀

Yo Jamie is an asshole like what does Eddie even see in him? Nobody’s seen him shirtless in like 3 years.

But we HAVE seen him in this A+ navy sweater so I guess we can overlook some of his Flaws. My only regret is they’re chilling in a DARK KITCHEN (who the fuck does that) depriving us of the full color effect here.

OMG THOSE LIPS

Okay this was actually pretty cute and I want the gif -

EDDIE IN ACTION YASSSS.

Lol @ this cab. Who saw THAT ONE coming?!?

Catch me cracking up @ this shot

But damn Eddie is badass.

OMG JAMIE WAS WRONG. JAMIE MADE A MISTAKE AND THERE WERE REAL CONSEQUENCES. CALL THE NEWSPAPERS THIS IS HISTORIC. THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE OF BLUE BLOODS SINCE THE LAST TIME WE SAW JAMIE SHIRTLESS BACK IN 1992

(That’s a hilarious joke y’all I wasn’t even born yet in 1992)

HANDSY JAMIE HANDSY EDDIE A+++

Omg I love this entire scene yessss Eddie

In Jamie’s office when Eddie softly goes “Jamie, you were just helping him out” like what did Jamie ever do to deserve her?

Except ugh @ Eddie minimizing her judgment call to make Jamie feel better. Yes, next time either of them could make the wrong call but OWN IT EDDIE you’re a great cop and you don’t need to apologize.

Dammit Jamie I wanted to hear Eddie’s advice. But overall this was a 👍👍👍 storyline for these babes. Jamie needed to be taken down a notch or 5. And I hope Eddie calls him a rookie sergeant in bed tonight.

Family dinner:

JAMIE IN THE SAME NAVY SWEATER? I HAVE QUESTIONS, WARDROBE/CONTINUITY PEOPLE.

Also, I’ll take it though. This color is truly excellent on him.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR MY THOUGHTS ON JAMIE AND EDDIE’S CHOICE OF A WEDDING VENUE. @ontherockswithsalt and I are going to start a podcast.

#blue bloods #jamko #jamie x eddie #disruptions #9x11

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lovelycharmingvillain · 5 years

Text

I SWORE I WASNT GONNA POST ANOTHER “IM SORRY IVE BEEN INACTIVE” UPDATE BUT

a lot has happened, gonna ramble below the cut

TLDR: I had to travel across the country with my two cats to stop them getting poisoned and I can't bring them home until 2 weeks have passed

(Both cats are absolutely fine and in peak health, do not worry)

Sooooooo we got our house sprayed with flea poison because it had slowly become infested and our cats were going nuts scratching. We took both cats, Maple and Nimbus, out of the house during the day it was being sprayed, and didn't bring them back until 4 hours after it had settled (the time frame we were instructed to wait so it would be safe for them). The guy who we hired has been our decorator for years, very trustworthy man, and also specialises in pest control as that's his main job. He assured us this stuff is completely non-toxic to cats and that he's used it in many homes with pets for 20 years, and never had a single problem.

A few hours after they're home, Maple starts acting really weird. She isn't lethargic at all, but her paw keeps hitting the ground when she's grooming, like she can't balance right, and she keeps sort of flattening herself against the floor for no apparent reason. She was also walking strangely, with a sort of stumble, again off-balance, and keeps running off in a frantic way.

I know Maple’s every mannerism- I know what it means when she flicks her tail in a certain way, what each different meow means, when she wants food or affection or to play. I'd never seen her acting like this and knew that something was wrong, and that combined with the fact that bug poison was all over the house really concerned me, so I woke my parents up and we took her to the emergency vet. (My dad actually got really annoyed and said there was nothing wrong with her, and ohhhh boy am I glad I insisted he listen to me cause he was about to go back to bed and he's the only one who can drive. I'm actually pretty mad about how he acted cause Maple would have died without treatment but that's a whole other rant)

The vet immediately recognises something is very wrong, basically agrees with everything I've said. She asks what chemical was used in the house and we don't know cause the guy didn't tell us, and it's about 4:00 am at this point so his phone goes straight to voicemail. The vet says that all of Maple’s symptoms fit with this poison that is super toxic to cats and potentially fatal, but she can't be sure what's going on until the pest control guy calls back, and therefore she can't use a specific treatment in case it's something else. Maple’s legs were twitching, and the vet said worst case scenario she has a seizure, but that cats who are poisoned usually decline really fast, so the fact that Maple isn't seizuring already is a good sign.

We leave Maple overnight at the animal hospital, and as soon as we're out of the building I break down in tears because the idea that she might die is unbearable. I don't exaggerate when I say we're closer than most humans are to each other, and I'd literally give my life for her. In the last two years, we've had two cats die almost exactly a year apart, and I couldn't take the thought of a third death. Nimbus is also super close to Maple, almost a surrogate son to her, and I was so scared of how he'd cope without her.

So now we have to figure out what to do with Nimbus overnight, since the house is potentially toxic. We eventually clear out a closet that wasn't sprayed, cover the floor with paper just to be safe, and set up a little room for him there. He hasn't shown any signs of illness but because it can progress so fast I have to stay up with him all night in case he deteriorates too.

Aaaaand it was the worst night of my life. I was already massively sleep deprived and now have to stay up till morning, both to make sure Nimbus is okay and to listen for a phone call from the vets. Basically I know that if she calls before 7:00am that's bad news, so I'm constantly on edge wondering if the phones gonna ring and I'll be told that Maple is dead.

But thank fuck she calls at about 7:30 and says that Maple is doing really well- the treatment seemed to work wonders and now she's walking better and eating food. It turns out the poison the guy used wasn't the toxic one she suspected it was, and actually is supposed to be safe for cats, but Maple just had a very rare reaction to it.

I'll skip the details cause holy shit this is long already but she's given the all clear later that day and we’re able to pick her up. Problem is we've only got that tiny little closet that we can safely keep the cats in, and no one we know is able to look after them (the vet advised at this point that we wait at least a week before letting the cats back in the house, two weeks to be safe).

Since we can't keep the cats cooped up in that room much longer we have to find somewhere quick, and the only place we can think of is our holiday home, which is a five hour drive away. So I'm like “"well, guess I'm taking a holiday”, and lug my suitcase plus two cat carriers on a four hour train journey which was uhhh not fun.

AND NOW IM HERE, OUT IN THE COUNTRY WITH TWO VERY CONFUSED KITTIES

So yeah, this was a very unexpected situation and I'm still recovering from the stress of it all, which is why I've only been getting out a handful of replies at a time. God, sorry this went on for so long, I just needed to vent

Both cats are doing great now! Maple is back to full health and sprinting all over the house, and Nimbus is his normal, goopy self. I can't express how relieved I am that they're okay, holy shit, I think I've had enough stress in the last few days to last a year

ANYWAY

Despite what all this rambling might suggest, I'm okay. I’ve got the house to myself and there's WiFi and Netflix and CATS- it's the dream holiday really, circumstance aside.

YEAH SO I DONT KNOW WHAT IM EVEN TRYING TO SAY BUT I LOVE YALL AND I HOPE THIS IS THE LAST MAJOR SETBACK FOR A LOOOONG WHILE

#cat #pet illness #pet injury #ooc #ramblings #personal #vent #death mention

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taeguboi · 7 years

Text

BTS HC ... in the bedroom *raises brows*

Request: ‘waht do u think are turn ons for bts? could you do me a hc please?’

Request: ‘ Request for how you think bts are in the bedroom? ;) I think this is a headcanon request but feel free to do it in another way if you like :) cheers!’

I was gonna do these separately but then I realized they’re too similar to be making two different posts.

Righty. Have fun reading all this smutty smut smut!

Rap Monster

Your presence

When you’re washing the dishes

When you’re reaching for something on a higher shelf in the shop

When you sit next to him and your leg brushes against his

There’s just something about the way you do certain things

that really gets to him

He goes mental if you sit on his lap

Especially if he can’t do anything about it

he doesn’t mind you getting him worked up though

because he ain’t afraid to do something about it

yes, even if you’re at the coffee shop

Lots of foreplay

humping/grinding

making out against the wall

with his thigh pressed up between your legs

touching you subtly in public to warm you up

you’ll be left wanting what you can’t have

If you try to take it sooner than you’re allowed it

*spanky spank*

sorry

“naughty”

high key loves mischievousness

Whispering / muttering

Today he’ll drive you nuts

“That’s right baby girl”

Tomorrow, you’ll get your own back

“You look good today”

but boy, he will give you what you need, eventually

okay, I think after all that you won’t be surprised when I say

Exhibitionism

the possibility of getting caught makes him even harder

he’ll press you up against an open window

he’ll take you to fuck anywhere

because sometimes the journey home just can’t wait

there’s just something about that sense of urgency

Fucking with clothes on

not just in public, even

He likes to have quick sessions before guests come over

Smirking because of what just happened 5 minutes ago

...on that chair your friend is now sat on

He loves lacy underwear

He likes a sexy image that leaves something to the imagination

Something that he can unwrap because you’re all his

Waist grabbing

He likes to grab your waist and catch you off-guard

He knows his sudden touch is guaranteed

to get those panties wet

Pet names

particularly ‘baby’ [how many times in one vlive tho]

‘honey’/’jagiya’ is probably the second most used pet name

that latter name is used more for when he’s appreciating you

the ‘baby’s increase when it’s dirty talk over the phone

Phone Sex

He’s not going to wait til he comes back from wherever he is

If he’s on tour, about 70% of your phone calls turn dirty

He could be just at work a few roads away but

if he’s horny, he’s gonna call you

Curves

a body that he can explore entirely with his hands

he likes to grab

massaging a breast, firmly gripping a dick, that’s his jam

Body worship

He loves to tell you how beautiful your body is

and as much as he loves the whole undressing each other thing

he likes it more when you strip for him

What an amazing view you are to him

Jin

Being a menace

He’ll go round the house doing every day things either with his shirt off or in a shirt that accentuates his broad shoulders

Knowing that you’re staring at him, so

Attention

Just on him

You’re going to forget that anyone else in the world exists after he’s done with you

Confirmation

You reminding him that no one else can make you feel the way he makes you feel

Give him a name or honorific that gives him authority

‘oppa’ / ‘hyung’, maybe occasionally ‘appa’ (daddy)

He’ll come so hard

whilst just pounding you into the sheets

so he can look after ‘my little one’

Cutting the chase

Teasing isn’t really his thing

Well, he likes to tease you

But he can’t take what he gives

If you dare tease him, he will actually

hold you over his lap and spank you hard

and you’ll feel his boner dig right into you

as you’re sprawled across him, all red and heated

Minimal Foreplay

he just really likes to get straight down to business

quite impatient actually once the moment takes him

as soon as he’s sure you’re ready, he’ll be straight in there

Stress relief

If something’s going on, he needs you

because he’s lucky to have you

he instantly feels better when you collapse on top of him,

resting your head on his shoulder while he plays with your hair

He’ll return the favour though

and while he isn’t looking for only one thing when he gives you a massage

it’s his favourite way to initiate sex if that’s what you want

He’s going to teach you a thing or two

Lay back while oppa works his magic on you

You’re in for a treat

Suga

I spent way to long on this one

I’m sorry, Rap Mon is not the kinkiest

He loves to see his hands wrapped around your throat

He knows how to do it properly of course

Because he knew that he’d want to apply this kind of skill in the future

and that’s not just for the BS&T concept

And that’s another turn on

Knowing what he wants

He goes shopping online for toys

Imagining everything he could do to you with each

His order comes through

and he knows exactly what he’s going to do with you tonight

gets a great amount of pleasure out of pleasuring you

Suspension

He loves making you wait

You’ll tell him you need him to come home

And he won’t

But he’ll send you all the words to get you worked up

He can take some teasing for you

he secretly hopes you’ll wanna distract him from work

or that you’ll touch him under the dinner table

what better excuse is there to take a break or leave than to fulfill his need for you?

Sometimes he likes it when you take over

If he’s stressed, having you look after your baby boy is just what he needs

He’ll let you do anything

You can just stroke his dick

Or you can eat him out until he’s quivering

Or you can ride him and tell him how precious he is to you

but it’s rare and you should embrace every moment of it.

Words

He likes to use his deep voice to drive you nuts

and he likes to give you instructions

“Be a good girl/boy and ride daddy’s dick”

so let’s get back to the

Kinks

because I reckon he has quite a few, such as

Spanking

he likes to punish

and he likes to make you red

bonus if he leaves any marks that last a few days

but he’d never hurt you of course

Tying you up

Lots of rope and most of it isn’t even to keep you restrained

He just loves the way it looks draped across your body

Eating you out

especially plus those ropes

seriously, everything is better with some light bondage

plus maybe some sensory deprivation too

watching you writhe as he uses that tongue technology

He loves how he can make you see stars

before he’s properly even begun with you

[what’s that? you want to hear more about how kinky this one is? alrighty then!]

Costumes / Light Roleplay

anything to make you look pretty

maid

will low key want to dress you up while doing chores

kitten

especially with this choker around you neck

Necks

he likes to kiss yours

you eventually find out he goes mental when you mark his

and then he realizes

Marks on you

he wants to see for days after what a good job he’s done

you’re getting ready for bed and he catches sight of one of the purple marks on your collar bone

and he just smirks

Intensity

heated sex

When his sweat drips down his back

and down your chest

he knows he’s doing more than good

Rewards

he wants to make sure you know when you’ve been a good girl/boy

a bonus feature after one of your achievements

like yeah, your hard work gets you a promotion or an opportunity

but your hard work also earns his dick

J-Hope

Skinship

feeling the warmth of your body against his

He likes to use his hands

using his fingers inside you is great because he still gets to concentrate on your face

he uses touch to make you tense

brushing his hand across your cheek

then down your neck

He likes to grab

after his hand has gone down your neck, it attaches straight one of your erotic points

circling your nipples to get you started

before cupping the place you need him the most

Biting and nibbling

Marking you up with pretty purple bruises

and other markings are great too

he’ll sometimes spank you in more intense sessions

telling you how bad you’ve been as he rubs the sore area

Whimsy

Sometimes you’ll just turn him on unexpectedly

but he doesn’t mind

even if he says “goddammit...”

all it is is his way of letting you know what’s the matter so he can do something about his ‘problem’

Experimental

He just wants to cover all grounds so he can give you the most pleasure possible

He’ll try anything if you will

actually likes quite vanilla sex

but lives for the memories of those more daring moments

I think he might even be open to the idea of bringing someone else into the equation

He’d love to watch someone else fucking you

before he pushes them aside to do a better job and complete the job

Dancing

He knows how to give you a show

in fact, he loves to give you a show

this boy is just a show

the best show

Boy Girl Meets Evil

Jimin

Control

He knows how to make your tense

because he’s picked up these little behaviour patterns

so he likes to act much more innocent and sub than he is

like “baby I need you”

but then he’s making you repeat his words

as he pounds you relentlessly into the bed

He likes to catch you off guard

so he just goes from 1 to 1000 in 5 seconds

One minute, he’s helping you do the chores

The next, he’s banging you over the washing machine

Lip biting

that’s another thing he does

he knows you’re week for those full plump pink lips

that work so well on you down there

Your moans and whines

He likes to hear you being fucked by him

He likes to embrace all the senses: touch, taste, sight, sound

so he likes to let out those sighs and grunts too

Words have an effect on him

verbal sex is intense for him

he uses words to fluster you

he wants you to say his name

Praise -- for both of you

He loves it when you compliment him

but he’s also turned on by reminding himself of all the sexy things about you

Nudity

If you’re asleep naked on a hot day when he comes home to you

He’ll flip you onto your back and wake you up

and he loves taking showers with you

there’s no way he’d prefer to get ready

You beneath him

He likes to lay you down gently on the bed

and pin your arms above your head as he enters you

and while he likes to get a little aggressive

he’s all about looking after you

sometimes he’ll purposely be extra and wear you out

so he can wait on you and treat you like a prince/ss afterwards

Smol but mighty

he will pick you up in a honeymoon lift

he might get carried away

and there’s that one time he causes you to accidentally to whack your head on the headboard

and he is SO sorry

but you just giggle because you know how into it he was getting

Sometimes, he’ll use toys

just so you can tell him you want the real thing

he wants you to tell him how much you want his dick inside you

He will punish you, no exceptions

he rubs circles over where he’s just spanked you

admiring your perfect body

but just as you begin to notice the soothing feeling of his hand

he’ll spank you again

But he doesn’t mind you teasing for hours

denying him of what he needs the most

but again, that’s fine

Sex with you should last forever

You initiating it

He doesn’t always realize when you’re being suggestive

So when you suddenly push him up against the wall

He’s putty in your hands

But there are days when he’s feeling extra frisky

Getting you worked up in public

He uses his innocent nature to pretend he doesn’t know what he’s doing

But he fucking knows

He knows that the way he just said your name was fucking hot

He’s a champ at just shocking you

if he’s gonna do something he doesn’t usually

he’s gonna go big

hE fUcKiNg SeNt YoU a NuDe WhEn YoU wEre SaT RIGHT nExT tO yOuR fRiEnD!!!

and there’s a view of everything

EVERYTHING

his hand round his rock hard dick

his beautiful bare skin

his lip biting

his sinful eyes

every. thing.

Trying new things

He gets excited for new experiences

He can’t wait to see how you react when you come home to him holding a blindfold

Or when you tell him something about yourself

and he can’t wait to play that card in the bedroom

Explorative

as well as trying new kinks and techniques

he wants to know how every inch of your body feels

he wants to kiss you everywhere to see how you react

even like the sides of your torso or somewhere less obvious/conventional

Fluids

sorry if I make that sound gross

He loves seeing how wet you get for him

He even loves watching his own cum drip from his aching cock as you pump him with your hand [don’t deny it, you love watching it even more]

Noises

complete personality turnaround

at the beginning he’s all cutesy

then he gets more into it

until his high is coming near

“I’m gonna come for you, baby”

and he loves the sound of kissing

especially that wet sound you get from full on french kissing

There’s no particular roles

he’s all about whatever you want in the moment

Closeness

bodies pressed up against each other as he thrusts into you

hand holding when you’re on the bottom

but also emotional closeness

passionate kisses when you’re on top

having a firm hold on your ass with his large hands

He’s a butt guy

bum massages

like he’ll massage you all over

but will end and linger at the butt cheeks

or the boobs

He doesn’t forget the twins

those are important

Sensual, slow love making

there’s no better sex than romantic sex, right?

but

He will spank you if you’re being particularly defiant

he’ll actually stop whatever you’re both doing,

turn you over onto your stomach

and he will TELL YOU

Oral

While the feeling of being inside your tight hole is amazing

He loves fucking your face

and using his tongue on you

He wants you whining for him to fill you up

Just sit on his face, you deserve it

Jungkook

You riding him

He loves to watch you bounce on him

Your face

Your sounds

It’s his favourite thing to just lay beneath you

Sometimes he gets quite scared to tell you what he wants

Is it too demanding? Too weird?

you have to edge him to get him to speak up during sex

Before, however, if he’s in the mood

He’ll just sit there watching your every move

with those furrowed, concentrated brows

because he doesn’t wanna just outright tell you

that fucking you is all he can think about

your confidence to initiate it will turn him on

Very visual

just as sensitive to sight as he is to touch

but blindfolds [on him] still get him going

when one sense is restricted, the others heighten

Will nut so hard if you send him a naughty snapchat

will come in his boxers if you tell him to sit in that chair while you play with yourself

Better with his mouth than he gives himself credit for

you know you can make him come by fucking your face

but you wonder what wonders his mouth can do for you

and it’’s fucking HEAVEN

He CANNOT hold his noises in

frustrated grunts and moans fill the room

as you play with his cock

and the whines get higher as he nears orgasm

he’s a very loud boy

Likes an older person

to teach him a few things

honestly, it’s just a turn on that you’re older

it can’t really be explained

Take good care of this one.

I was gonna be kind and make 7 separate posts so you could brace yourselves, but eh, who has the time? You can all die in on big overdose 😂

557 notes · View notes

wosh422 · 4 years

Text

Inside Earth, Microbes Approach Immortality

". . [T]he microorganisms found in coal are now survivors, imprisoned at the coal at the time it was formed, from material that originally was probably very full of microorganisms because it was peat-like in nature," he wrote in the Journal of Bacteriology. "It's my opinion that here and there sprinkled through the masses of the coal measures an occasional spore or any similarly resistant resting period of a microorganism has survived the vicissitudes of time and circumstance and kept its own living character, its capability to become a vegetative form, and its capability to multiply when circumstances are left handed for it." This dessicated condition we now call anhydrobiosis, and it's in this state that organisms such as water bears can withstand the vacuum of space and bombardment with radiation. Lipman's coal came from Wales and Pennsylvania, where some was pulled from a depth of 1,800 feet. Pennsylvania coal inspired the title of a whole geologic subperiod -- the Pennsylvanian. It's at least 300 million years old. The year was 1931. His coworkers probably thought he was nuts. But from where we sit in 2019, it is looking increasingly possible that Lipman wasn't nuts. The world's oldest surviving people might not be gnarled bristlecone pines or shimmering aspen clones, but small microbes locked in stone miles under the surface whose purpose is to not to grow or replicate, but only to cheat death. An increasing number of newspapers published in the past decade indicate that bacteria living -- many of them in a hydrated, active state -- in sediments, in stones, and in pockets and fissures buried deep underground are old beyond belief. For example, in the early 2000s, scientists demonstrated that the rate at which microbes in aquifers and sediments were breathing was significantly slower than that of germs in the surface. The biomass turnover rates -- the time in which is needed to replace the molecules in a cell -- were measured on the order of hundreds to thousands of years. "We don't know if the microbes of those subsurface environments replicate at such slow rates of biomass turnover," wrote Frederick Colwell and Steven D'Hondt in a review named Nature and Extent of the Deep Biosphere in 2013,"or reside without breaking for countless tens of centuries." A 2017 paper in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science discovered low densities of bacteria (although"low" remains 50-2,000 cells per cubic centimeter) in 5 to 30 million-year-old coal and shale beds situated two km beneath the floor of the Pacific Ocean from the coast of Japan. They were actively, if exceptionally slowly, living. Their creation times ranged from months to over 100 years. However, this quote was probably low, the authors conceded. The production time of E. coli from the laboratory: 15 to 20 minutes. A 2018 study published in Geobiology of microbes living in deep sea sediments from the South Pacific Gyre reasoned that the fitness in these sediments is about growing but only surviving. Such microbes' only food source is whatever happened to be buried together, the authors concluded. The quantity of carbon they have for upkeep and repair annually is only 2% of the cell's own carbon material.

Taken together, these findings are not as absurd as they may appear when you consider that germs buried deep beneath the planet's surface are protected from cosmic radiation -- a frequent killer of the preternaturally obsolete -- by thick overburdens of sediment, water, or stone (Muons, the form in which cosmic radiation reaches Earth's surface, can only penetrate tens of meters into stone ). Such radiation mutates the DNA of organisms living on Earth's surface. Panspermia hypotheses that life seeded the world by hitchhiking inside asteroids have always seemed very tin-foil hat for me. But these findings, along with the recent understanding that life might have appeared on Earth almost as soon as it was possible, induce me to reconsider. Although distance is immense, life is insistent. To sum up, Earth's crust seems to be just lousy with idling, historical bacteria parked in power-save manner, prepared at almost a minute's notice to throw the gearshift into drive. But what a life! Eons spent entombed in a dark, airless, quiet matrix, hardly eating, hardly breathing, hardly moving, hardly living. But not dead. Not dead.

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connervgni463 · 4 years

Text

Inside Earth, Microbes Approach Immortality

Last month, the Deep Carbon Observatory declared an astonishing fact: the bulk of the microbes living beneath the planet's surface amounts to 15 to 23 billion tons of carbon dioxide, a sum some 245 to 385 times greater than the carbon mass of all people. That's remarkable. It was not so long ago we weren't even certain life at depth was possible. But buried in the media release was a detail that I discovered a whole lot more surprising and intriguing than the bulk of underground life: its era. Back in the late 1920s, a scientist named Charles Lipman, a professor at the University of California, Berkeley, started to suspect there were bacteria in rocks. Not fossil bacteria. Alive bacteria. He was considering the fact that bacteria in his lab may be reanimated after 40 years in dry dirt in sealed bottles. If they could endure four years, was there any limitation? Coal seemed like a rock ripe for testing, made as it is from swamp muck. He started crushing lumps of coal to find out if he could get anything to grow from the dust. He did. When placed in solutions of coal dust and sterile water, in two to three weeks he started to see what seemed like germs. When put in solutions enriched with germs chow called peptone, it took as little as five hours. Intriguingly, he found a rehydration period of at least a couple of days in liquid was essential for revivification. When the crushed coal was wetted but instantly placed on food-infused gelatin-like agar in a Petri dish, nothing grew. He had, of course, included controllers and taken precautions to ensure no contaminants led to the growth. His draconian cleaning and sterilization process of the pre-crushed lumps involved scrubbing, soaking, baking, or pressurizing the lumps of coal for days or weeks before pulverization. In actuality, he discovered that heating the sample for hours at 160°C never managed to kill the germs within the coal. If anything, it only seemed to encourage them. The longer they had been baked -- up to an unbelievable 50 hours the better they seemed to grow when the coal was then crushed (If his results were real, they might not be altogether surprising given both the states that produce coal as well as the effects of heat shock proteins). Lipman didn't feel that the germs that he coaxed from coal were residing in the sense that the bacteria in your gut are living. Instead, he considered that during the process of forming coal, the germs had dried up and entered suspended animation. ". . [T]he microorganisms found in coal are now survivors, imprisoned at the coal at the time it was formed, from material that originally was probably very full of microorganisms because it was peat-like in nature," he wrote in the Journal of Bacteriology. "It's my opinion that here and there sprinkled through the masses of the coal measures an occasional spore or any similarly resistant resting period of a microorganism has survived the vicissitudes of time and circumstance and kept its own living character, its capability to become a vegetative form, and its capability to multiply when circumstances are left handed for it." This dessicated condition we now call anhydrobiosis, and it's in this state that organisms such as water bears can withstand the vacuum of space and bombardment with radiation. Lipman's coal came from Wales and Pennsylvania, where some was pulled from a depth of 1,800 feet. Pennsylvania coal inspired the title of a whole geologic subperiod -- the Pennsylvanian. It's at least 300 million years old. The year was 1931. His coworkers probably thought he was nuts. But from where we sit in 2019, it is looking increasingly possible that Lipman wasn't nuts. The world's oldest surviving people might not be gnarled bristlecone pines or shimmering aspen clones, but small microbes locked in stone miles under the surface whose purpose is to not to grow or replicate, but only to cheat death. An increasing number of newspapers published in the past decade indicate that bacteria living -- many of them in a hydrated, active state -- in sediments, in stones, and in pockets and fissures buried deep underground are old beyond belief. For example, in the early 2000s, scientists demonstrated that the rate at which microbes in aquifers and sediments were breathing was significantly slower than that of germs in the surface. The biomass turnover rates -- the time in which is needed to replace the molecules in a cell -- were measured on the order of hundreds to thousands of years. "We don't know if the microbes of those subsurface environments replicate at such slow rates of biomass turnover," wrote Frederick Colwell and Steven D'Hondt in a review named Nature and Extent of the Deep Biosphere in 2013,"or reside without breaking for countless tens of centuries." A 2017 paper in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science discovered low densities of bacteria (although"low" remains 50-2,000 cells per cubic centimeter) in 5 to 30 million-year-old coal and shale beds situated two km beneath the floor of the Pacific Ocean from the coast of Japan. They were actively, if exceptionally slowly, living. Their creation times ranged from months to over 100 years. However, this quote was probably low, the authors conceded. The production time of E. coli from the laboratory: 15 to 20 minutes. A 2018 study published in Geobiology of microbes living in deep sea sediments from the South Pacific Gyre reasoned that the fitness in these sediments is about growing but only surviving. Such microbes' only food source is whatever happened to be buried together, the authors concluded. The quantity of carbon they have for upkeep and repair annually is only 2% of the cell's own carbon material.

"Only the fact that intact microbial cells are found in this ancient habitat has remarkable consequences regarding the durability of the organisms," the authors wrote. In their own computer versions running multi-million year simulations, after four thousand years, all cells had ceased growth. They were only putting whatever tools they could scrounge into maintaining the old jalopy running, such as the desperate survivors in a Mad Max movie. How long does that zero-sum game go on? Will they finally starve? Will they metamorphose to the dessicated, suspended state that Charles Lipman promised to find in Pennsylvania coal? Or does that need the particular conditions of coalification? Evidence is also accumulating that such nutrient-deprived, superannuated germs aren't"microbial zombies". To the contrary, a lot of studies have found that if deep subsurface microbes are put in more moderate environments, they immediately animate. Taken together, these findings are not as absurd as they may appear when you consider that germs buried deep beneath the planet's surface are protected from cosmic radiation -- a frequent killer of the preternaturally obsolete -- by thick overburdens of sediment, water, or stone (Muons, the form in which cosmic radiation reaches Earth's surface, can only penetrate tens of meters into stone ). Such radiation mutates the DNA of organisms living on Earth's surface. Panspermia hypotheses that life seeded the world by hitchhiking inside asteroids have always seemed very tin-foil hat for me. But these findings, along with the recent understanding that life might have appeared on Earth almost as soon as it was possible, induce me to reconsider. Although distance is immense, life is insistent. To sum up, Earth's crust seems to be just lousy with idling, historical bacteria parked in power-save manner, prepared at almost a minute's notice to throw the gearshift into drive. But what a life! Eons spent entombed in a dark, airless, quiet matrix, hardly eating, hardly breathing, hardly moving, hardly living. But not dead. Not dead.

youtube

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