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neurosharky · 4 months

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An Open Letter to the ASPD community

Hi,

So I've been asked to comment on a little issue, that I absolutely agree needs adressing, and I thought that an open letter format might be the best way of doing it! It allows for a bit more freedom with wordings, because this is just my personal letter to the community and not me trying to speak for everyone.

I've been one of the first few accounts that started talking about ASPD here on instagram (and was actively involved on twitter and tumblr before that), so I've been part of the community for a pretty long time and have seen it grow and change a lot! We have overall been able to make a pretty substantial amount of people aware of the stigma that we face, have shown them a lot of different examples as to why we developed our condition and continue to broaden the diversity of the ASPD experience.

But just like with any community, we have some internal issues, that yes sometimes we do actually have to adress and then reflect on!

These issues aren't instagram specific and I actually see them less on instagram than in other places like the ASPD subreddits, tiktok and tumblr, but as I have indeed been receiving DMs with this type of stuff ever since I started here, I do want to use my presence on this platform to adress it!

These mentioned DMs usually consist of a stranger telling me, that I cannot have ASPD, because I do not fit their personal idea of what ASPD looks like. They tell me its because I am too soft, because my aesthetic is too cute, because I love stuffed animals, because I care about sharks, because I experience some emotions intensely, because I am in recovery, because I talk positively about my family, or because I struggle with things that "real people with ASPD" would not struggle with.

I'll be entirely honest with you: its tiring and also a little confusing to me, because is this not what we are trying to do on here? To make people with ASPD seem more like humans than monsters? To educate about the symptoms & dangers yes, but to also point out that next to that we are people living our everyday lifes, just like everyone else?

Are we not trying to fight against the stigma painting us as inherently emotionless evil criminals? Are we not trying to bring more awareness to the diversity of how ASPD can present itself in someone? Are we not trying to teach society, that certain traits do not mean we are inherently something and to understand that we are capable of being their friends, partners, neighbours and parents?

I confess myself confused, because I thought we had moved past this ridiculous belief, that everyone with ASPD has as many emotions as a brick and that we only have two destined life paths: gang boss or prison inhabitant. Do you not feel ridiculous when you preach you are a human being capable of living life, just to turn around and tell someone who is doing exactly that, that they can't have ASPD?

Do you not realize that you are judging them based on the same ableist beliefs you have been judged under all your life? Because if you do not realize that, oh boy, do I get you, oh boy do I understand you, because I did not either. I spend such a large amount of my life thinking that I had to be that monster everyone saw in me, that I had no chance at an actually nice life, that I was destined to just rot in prison and be the thing everyone hates. I denied myself my dreams, my emotions, my hobbies, my true beliefs and personality leanings, heck I denied myself certain versions of my future, because I thought that I could not be that. That it was impossible for people with ASPD to be in happy relationships, to study at university, to have a favourite animal that means the world to them, to rekindle their relationship to their family...

And isn't that sad? Isn't it sad how I thought that I had to deny myself happiness, just because that is what societies stigma tried to tell me? I think that it is quite sad actually and I kinda hate that so many people with ASPD still seem to be caught up in that. I mean I haven't shaken it entirely, thats for sure! I still despise showing weakness and having to admit to it! I still have internalized stuff to work trough! But do you know what I'm not doing?

I am not going around telling others that they can't be happy. I am not going around telling others that them being in recovery & living their lifes means they don't have ASPD or that they misrepresent the community. I am not trying to shame them back into their bad habits. I am not trying to make them feel so insecure about their diagnosis, that they fall back into their old patterns. Because I know better now.

I know that people with ASPD can be the cutest softest animal loving people.

I know that they can be in healthy relationships and friendships.

I know that they can have hobbies, a career and a family.

I know that they can feel emotions, some of them really intense, others maybe not so much.

I know that no person with ASPD is the exact same as the other.

I know that they can choose recovery & be sucessfull in it.

And I know that my own dislike for "weakness" and my own discomfort with the sides of myself that I have been taught to despise, are not an excuse to make other people feel bad about themselves & take that dislike/discomfort out on them.

Theres just one question that remains: Do you know that as well and if yes, are you ready to act like it?

~ Liam 🦈

Out of letter end note:

Trying to insist that people with ASPD have to adhere to the descriptions that you connect to them & telling them that they cannot ever change, is discouraging them from recovery.

Telling people with ASPD, that they cannot have emotions, is directly ignoring the DSM criteria point that recognizes aggressive outbursts, as well as ignoring the literal emotional erractic cluster it is in (aka Cluster B).

Claiming that a trauma based condition dictates your interests, what colors & animals you are allowed to like, your personality traits outside of your condition, which aesthetic you have to have on social media and what type of clothes you are allowed to wear is frankly so ridiculous, that I don't even know what to say.

You are not immune to internalized ableism & making people feel unsafe in the community. You do not personally have to like the things they do, but being shitty to them about it, just because its what you internalized is not the way to go.

First posted on my instagram (same @)

#actually aspd #aspd #mental health education #antisocial personality disorder #mental health #antisocial #aspd awareness #aspd feels #aspd thoughts #aspd things #aspd safe #aspd stigma #soft aesthetic #being soft #internalized ableism #reddit #instagram #twitter #tumblr

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coconutredbulllover · 1 month

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Guys i dont even know what i need to be gatekeeping anymore i js scribbled out some stuff that wasnt even that deep just in case…

anyways to 🫠 anon (still high rn and im locking in to respond to u bae 🤣):

LITERALLYLGTT like you just had to be there 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

ive been loosely following paige and azzis basketball stuff since idk like 2020 and then got more into pazzi stuff during like 2022 and my old blog started in like early ish 2023 and i always felt weird speculating abt real people so i would sometimes tag my posts and sometimes not but i still had a bunch of people there talking w me like a little community and everyone knew like if you were gonna be [self admittedly creepy] (be fr now yall its creepy be self aware!) and analyze stuff they post you might as well be doing on tumblr instead of other actually popular sites and everyone knew like jokes are jokes and dont take anything serious but now its like you say one thing and a new fan could just trust it because they dont know any better but ofc you cant explain every little detail to new comers

so yeah the trajectory of tumvlr has been crazy weird for me too i also used to be a lurker before i started my old blog and it was even less than just a few months ago. js a few months afo if you scrolled thru the pazzi tag you would literallt reach the end pretty fast, easy no problem. on my old blog (rip) whenever i wouldnt use the main tags when posting things (again bc i feel uncomfortable openly weird speculating) i used to instead use like alternate tags that were related but not like the players names and then some mutuals did the same thing and we kinda created our own ‘main tags’ (by main tags i mean like yk ‘uconn wbb’ and ‘paige bueckers’ ‘azzi fudd’).

incase this response is hard to follow im kinda tryna respond to ur paragraph chunks in my own paragrpah chunks (if that makes sense ?) like ur third paragraph is beinf repsonded to in this oargraph now. yeah i honeslty thoguht it was rlly wholesome when people wiped the clip off of like everywhere it rlly was js a iykyk thing and i also started seeing people sharing it and using it in edits. like for example i wrote in one of my earlier posts abt having a tiktok where i would psot like small clips (not edits i cant edit for shit) i thoguht were cute or wtvr but then suddenly the acc blew up w new fans in like late 2023 and it was managable then comments started being upright rude or sharing the clip and i was like damn. the final pushinf point before i deleted the acc was i posted a clip and it peaked 5.5 million views like WHATATAATASA????? and i was like conflicted if i should delete the vid bc it was the same content i always posted but it was slightly out of context and ppl ran with it calling a paige a dyke among other things in the comments (plus the ‘the live’ sharers foudn that post too) AND someone dropped mine and a few others tumblrs in the comments so i js ended up deleted everything of the acc including the vid after 7 days of it being up bc tiktok didnt deserve any of it 😭 and i couldnt keep monitoring comments plus i didnt want the out of context clip spreading.

okay next pargraoh!! I KNOW ITS HELLA WEIRD… like why do u suddenly recognize the person im talking abt? i would occasionally mention it to friends or ppl i know like ‘yeah wbb is rlly poppibg off rn cailin clark paige bukers kmaila cardoso etc are really bringing good attention to the game’ so it was like a casual interest they didnt know i was like actuallt into basketball or anything like that but like it was know like “eri watches basketball and ive heard this persons name come outta her mouth before” kinda like u were saying abt your friend saying they never heard the name come out of any elses name but yours. and then it actually blew up and people were genuinely recognizing the names i was talking about like ‘oh i saw that girl you mentioned before on the news’ like whatchu mean u saw them on the news. it all happened so fast 🤣. no offense to your friends idk if theyre like this it just made me think of straight paige fans so i wanna say a little thing abt it even tho its not related to what u said abt ur friends, peoples reactions to straight fans have a weird line drawn like i think that straight fans are perfectly fine saying paige is hot. heres my explanation: i think sexuality is a spectrum you can be completely striaght and find her hot and thats literally normal like you arent attracted to women like THAT but you can appreciate someone good looking and like their energy and be straight like the kinsey or wtvr scale those typa girls are probs like a 2. i always see like the “im gonna hold your hand when i tell you this” comments and i think theyre funny but not everyone is always a straight girl who genuinely might like women, people can be striaght and find masculine traits or jsut the nergy of someone attractive! insane idea ik.

final bit of the yap sesh! no yeah i totally get u i feel like i always gotta be like ‘proving’ that i know so much and that ive been here a long time as weell but its hard while beibg forced to be a gatekeeper. i honestly have the worst memory so i have no clue if the other time you sent a similar ask couldve been me cause its not the first time ive seen asks like this but it it was we rlly did come full circle and thats be pretry cool LMFAO. lastly never appologize for yapping especially when im literallt the D1 yapper 🤣🙂‍↕️.

if yall made it here sprry for typos also i didnt reread anything i wrote so if something is so grammatically wrong it makes no sense send an ask and ill go edit it 😭

final thoguhts to 🫠 anon and a little bit to readers i hope u send more asks bc this was highkey the most entertaining one ive gotten out of all my asks, in a while, like i get them everyday but its js alot of people asking for context on stuff i post or cautious people letting me know i shoudl delte when ive accidentally shared too much that wouldnt sit well with the newbies 😭 so if u wanna have a convo w someone who knows their shit js run wild in the ask ill censor it or use the emoji i rlly miss talking to people who arent part of the new wave (no offense to yall). like on my old blog i had mutuals with same thoughts as mine and then i used to js silent lurk the other blogs accs to keep my blog a little more seperate from the main tags, but i recebtly started interacting with the people whove been the main ppl posting in the main tags on their blogs (like the person whos name i blurred in your ask who was popular and had a now removed content masterlist like i have access to more complete masterlists but yes i do know of that one it was a pretty popular one bc it was easily accessible and they were postinf lives on yt for people sadly now gone into full cordial mode, their rants were pretty entertaining 😭) and some others who are still tryna keep their blogs going (staying more cordial and stuff js like me) but its like a little weird interacting w them even tho we all pre blowup fans bc theyre like a literal established family (LMFAO. please if yall knwo what im talkign abt LMFAOO) so yeah im like a floater blog rn can yall start sending me normal asks so we can try to be a community like old times 🩵 (pls)

okay time to go smoke some more any smokers out there send me asks 😝

#uconn wbb #paige bueckers #azzi fudd #anon ask #eriyap #🫠 anon

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mikkokomori · 5 months

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Repressed!AU Anon here! Let's try this again: First... I feel honored that there's even a small chance you'd wanna draw something for this au, since ur art is soso pretty and it looks awesome and sydguyfdud /vpos And since you gave me rambling rights,,, you cannot escape it,,,, although for now, I'll give u RW peeps >:3 originally was gonna give DW counterparts too but,, that'll be for another ask thanks to Tumblr being mean </3 Here's the casting call for Real World!:

RW!Sunny: What haven't I said about him than I did in the first post... He's just A Guy with a terrible memory and a passive demeanor! Quiet and reserved, but isn't as emotionless as the original Sunny is, since amnesia of the past can kinda change ur personality me thinks. He also wears bandages around his head, not because he's wounded or anything, it's more of a symbolic thing for his mind/memory being "hurt" thanks to the treatments he gets. He's also allowed to do painting in the mental hospital's activity room, where he mostly draws what he remembers from his Dreamworld. He mostly remembers stuff from Dreamworld than he does for the real world, and he does sometimes mistake some people reappearing in his life as the Dreamworld counterparts that also conveniently reappear as well! RW!Kel: Kel's still as optimistic and playful as he is like his original counterpart, except a lot more grounded and not as much as an idiot (/aff). He often has to take care of his brother, and since he has to pick up on what Hero is now failing to do, he's become a great student in lots of clubs and different extra activities, now becoming the family's golden child. He's the first to visit Sunny mostly out of sympathy, not seeing Sunny as a psychopath like the others at first do, just a boy who'd been victim to mental illness and has been receiving help for the past four years. Just hope his brother doesn't find out about this...

RW!Aubrey: A partially broken girl in a broken home life, now living with Kim and her family because of her bad past living situation. Losing Mari and knowing her old crush killed her made her have fits of anger and depression, but the Hooligans have helped her regain her footing. While not the same Aubrey as she was, she's doing her best to heal. She's quieter than her original counterpart, nor is she as mean or as brazen. She's more of just a punk who spraypaints, ditches school, and sometimes shoplifts with her friends rather than do any sort of bullying. The only reason she ends up at the mental hospital is after she finds out Kel has been seeing Sunny, and with the encouragement of the Hooligans, she decides it's time to try and show him a piece of her mind... although once she sees Sunny's sorry state, will she have the courage to do it?

RW!Hero: A college drop-out who works part-time jobs to try and keep himself afloat. He could never get himself out of that depression, but that depression has now boiled into anger, hatred, and rage, as any mention of what happened makes him a little pissy. The only person he can't be mad at no matter what is Kel, as he's still his little brother and he doesn't have the heart to do it, especially since he's aware of what his brother is shouldering for him, and wishes he could show his appreciation somehow. Hearing Kel visit a mental hospital, let alone Sunny, does make his blood boil, although arriving himself to pull Kel away from this monstrous murderer, he isn't sure how to feel seeing how Sunny doesn't remember anything.

RW!Basil: He's trying to live a normal life, but that guilt of what he's done is still there. He basically ruined Sunny's life and reputation, after all, and all over an accident. He wants to forget what happened four years ago, but he can't, and now since Kel has started making visits, he's becoming more and more scared of what will happen if they ever know the truth...

Stares at this....... Kel always keeps being put in the middle of winning and losing in AUs doesn't he...... I think he deserves a spa break from how much he carries everyone SUDFBLIUGDBFV

and Sunny!!! Sunny!!! Sunny!!!! So he's just a little bit mellower :0 do you think he carries around something in replacement of a knife?

#Repressed AU #omori #omori au #omori sunny #omori basil #omori aubrey #omori kel #omori hero #omori spoilers #anon asks #miko talks

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hoshigray · 1 year

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⋆⁺₊⋆ Rules From .☽˚ the Stars ⋆⁺₊⋆

𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑭𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 . . .

Minors/ageless blogs should NOT interact with 18+ posts. I'm very much aware that I'm not your mother; however, respect the principle: if you're not of age for it, then don't fucking do it. If you interact with my stuff, it's 100% on you, and I can't be held accountable for the things you read when I continuously warn my readers before continuing on.

Characters aged 18+ are the ONLY candidates for smut material. Do not ask me to write anything sexual for minors/characters that are canonically under that bracket. Timeskip ages will be checked if they're legal.

Unless specified, the reader I write smut for in my fics is always fem/afab unless stated otherwise, in which case they would be gender-neutral. I do not write for male! reader as of now.

My reader is blank-coded, meaning skin, complexion, hair, and physique are NEVER mentioned unless specified in my warning/contents because I want to leave more room for the imagination. The only thing that's implied is that they are shorter unless mentioned otherwise.

Reblogs and comments are always and forever appreciated. I thank you from the bottom of my heart when you rb + love reading your thoughts as they make my craft much more satisfying.

All of the things I have written on this blog are mine and are meant to stay on this site; if I wanted to post somewhere else, I would've already. In other words, do not repost, copy, translate, or use my works OUTSIDE of Tumblr (esp. w/ no credit).

To add to this, don't ever plagiarize any of my works. Would you like it if I copied you're whole fucking flow, word-for-word, bar-for-bar? Exactly, so be courteous.

Everything in this blog is organized, so use my tag directory if you need help finding stuff.

If you are racist, homophobic, sexist, a TERF, like to bring drama/discourse, or just generally a dick, please don't bring that here. My blog is a safe space for all, and I would be bummed having to block ppl that get in the way of that.

My blog is most definitely not spoiler-free; I will try to keep certain things censored; however, like I said, I can't be held accountable for what you see when I warn you.

Wanna be mutuals? Just ask! I won't bite, promise!

𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝑴𝒚 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔 𝑮𝒐 . . .

In terms of requests/asks, I go by what interests me rather than who comes first. It's not that I won't like your idea; I just don't want to spend my time writing something that 1) I don't know how to write or 2) doesn't quite interest me at the moment.

Please summarize your ideas in a few sentences. I get wanting to see the big picture; however, I'm just one person and have ideas of my own. If you ask me something that is as big as my phone screen, chances are that I won't write it.

Once again, I'm only one person, so don't be surprised if I don't get to your asks/ideas with superhuman speed. I have a life of my own outside of writing (shocker), so be easy with me if I don't get to a certain ask right that second.

Read all the rules + what I won't write before you decide to go into my inbox and ask me to indulge in your horny fantasies.

𝑨𝒔 𝑭𝒂𝒓 𝒂𝒔 𝑭𝒊𝒄𝒔 𝑮𝒐 . . .

As of now, this is a writing blog centered on Jujutsu Kaisen. I may sometimes expand to other fandoms, but my central fixation is JJK.

I write for both men and women characters, and smut material for said characters 18+ years of age (however, if you ask me to write for Mahito, I will break something and have you pay for it).

I tend to have my works in the small font option; it's just my style of preference (may or may not change upon consideration).

Please don't request the same thing over and over for the same character(s).

𝐈 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐖𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞: r*p3/noncon - dubcon - real people (actors, idols, serial killers, etc.) - loli/shotacon/pedo - kidnapping - [pseudo]incest - scat/piss kink/watersports - abuse (physical and mental) - feet kink - aging up minor characters - gangbangs - yandere + tsundere - baby-trapping - noncon somno - vore - period sex (some ppl aren't comfortable) - pet play. * may subject to change + stuff will be added if i find it uncomfortable.

That concludes the rulebook; if you read it all, you're a real one!! And now, you are ready for the masterlist .ᐟ :33

Updated ✩ June 11th, 2024...

#like if you've read plzzzz !!#˗ˏˋ𝑾𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 ✩ 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝑯𝒐𝒔𝒉𝒊!!ˎˊ˗#rules #disclaimer

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goldendynastys · 5 months

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stray kids masterlist

here is the masterlist for my stray kids fics and one-shots. this list will be updated when i gain inspiration to write for other members, hence why there are only a few listed as opposed to everyone.

all of my works are mature and rated 18+, therefore, minors are not allowed to interact with my page and stories. i will be posting a resources link in my bio talking about why those under the age of 18 should not interact with adult content soon, so i highly recommend reading those in order to understand why it is so damaging. i will also link the post here.

my stories are copyrighted to goldendynastys on tumblr and ao3, so please do not steal my works <3

masterlist key: s - smut f - fluff a - angst

disclaimer: all members of Stray Kids are faces and name claims for this story. this is entirely a work of fiction and by no means is meant to be a projection, judgment, or representation of real-life people. any scenarios or representations of the people and places mentioned in works are not representative of real life scenarios.

i also want to mention that some of my stories (really only one as of right now) will be written in 3rd POV in which the oc has a name and faceclaim. i understand the majority of people prefer x reader (and i completely respect that), but i wanted to give people advanced notice so that they are aware and know what story to avoid. it will say in the description what story it is, so do what you want with this information. please do not attack me, as i do prefer writing with names and faceclaims sometimes and i just want to write what i want to write. any hate comments will be blocked.

works in progress

one-shots

chasing pavements | coming soon | mafia au, underground boxer!changbin, exes to lovers/situationship gone wrong, f, a, and s

You decide to end your situationship with the man you’ve been seeing, Seo Changbin, after learning about the line of work he’s in and how he loves to underground fight. Despite you ending it, he seems to be appearing everywhere, from simple conversations to actually seeing him in town. Perhaps he’s trying to haunt you and the universe wants you to feel like shit — or maybe, it’s a sign your situationship was not supposed to end the way that it did.

( table of contents: read here )

works in progress

one-shots

now that we don’t talk | completed | 9.2k words | modern/college au, post break-up | major a, slight s, and slight f

You can’t help but feel upset and reel about the past after your breakup with Han Jisung. However, after weeks of reflection and loneliness, you come to realize that perhaps you’re better off on your own after remembering how awful it was being on and off with him.

( table of contents: read here )

works in progress

series

castles crumbling | ongoing | mafia au, yandere, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers | major a, s, and f

Molly Usher had the world in the palm of her hands, endless money and a family reputation that would save her no matter what. The young woman had everything, until one day, her father made a deal with the devil, a deal that put her in the forefront. Now she has nothing, except being forced into an eventual marriage to Kim Seungmin, the most dangerous member of the mafia who was not afraid to get his hands bloody and would do anything to protect her.

( table of contents: part 1 )

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kyra45 · 1 year

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[tumblr] can you share this post to bring awareness about pet scams because I want to see it spread without being blazed?

A pet donation scam is when a user saves information off of Facebook/etc and reposts it to here as a direct copy of the original post. The only changes done are the removal of any legitimate source to send money and instead is replaced by one the scammer either has on hand or has created based on the photographs of the vet bill. The account is usually only a few hours old when located or a few days old when eventually located.

The user will then mass send asks to share their pinned pet post, and request the ask to be answered privately. This is done to try and avoid the ask being seen when searched. However, the ask is sent to so many users that there is no guarantee anyone will answer it privately and some will answer it publicly regardless. Their username may be based around the pet sometimes and the ask may mention the pets name too.

The pet itself is very real, but the one whose posted it is actually a scammer if they are sending multiple asks and continue to send them out on a daily basis. If the account is only a few hours old, treat it with suspicion. A quick search of the username or address supplied on their post should usually bring up any previous alerts or show any asks they’ve already sent out.

The actual owners may also have an account here, but it’s rarely and usually when created it’s empty but an alert may note what the account of the real owner is called. The alert may also state the owner was messaged privately and confirmed the scam account isn’t theirs. Otherwise, the alert may also simply explain that the scam account isn’t the owner by means of already locating the source that was used.

Keep it mind not all accounts asking for aid are scammers. But it is alright to do a little research into asks you may get. If possible, warn those you see sharing the scam post if they hadn’t shared a reblog that calls out the scam.

To report scams:

Report -> Phishing -> Illegal uses or Content -> Phishing

While phishing is another kind of scam, this is currently the only way to deal with scam accounts until a better way is established.

#scam #how to spot a scam blog #pet donation scam

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squadrah · 2 years

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From My CuriousCat

"Some Illuso headcanons maybe? And his dynamics with the rest of La Squadra?"

I have a big headcanon post on Illuso and Man in the Mirror on Tumblr, so first I will link that here if anyone is curious!

(A fair warning to anyone wanting to read more of these posts: some of them are outdated by now - as in, my feelings or views have changed -, and I actually have a multichap on Ao3 for analyzing La Squadra Stands, so I recommend that instead! Not complete yet, and for our present purposes it does not have a chapter on Man In The Mirror, but in time I hope to cover everyone.)

With that out of the way, here we go! To my mind, Illuso is a rather complex and somewhat problematic individual, but undoubtedly one of the lesser evils on the Hitman Team. From his arc, I gather he has never actually killed anyone before, not intentionally and personally at least, else he would not have held back or stalled with Fugo and Abbacchio, respectively. Nevertheless, for someone who has less on his conscience than Risotto Nero for instance, he still seems laden with a lot of issues that he isn't able to keep under lock and key like the others do. When I said one time that he had ten times as many phobias as the others, I meant that I saw him as someone with not only a host of fears, but also an inferiority and persecution complex. I tend to take these headcanons from Stand design, and Man In The Mirror basically sounds like a cry for help: it grants Illuso autonomy and control over a space mirroring a real world space that he probably has zero control over.

I also mentioned microwave mug cuisine in several places because it's something I could see Illuso doing as a person who is trying to be self-sufficient and self-sufficient only. A pot of ragú simmering on the stove implies that there is enough to go around, while a single microwave mug cake clearly says "This is just for me." This also ties into that previous part about autonomy: with limited effort, Illuso can have control over his portions and who gets to have them. That said, I feel like he would sometimes make these in the community microwave, just to hammer it home that he has something the other could covet, but isn't sharing it. He wants to make it look that he has something desirable, even though he is perfectly aware that he is being ridiculous.

I think the same thing can also be said about his dynamics with the others, namely the anime scene of him antagonizing Formaggio. I know that it's easy and convenient to treat Formaggio as the underdog, mainly because Araki also has him express such a sentiment, but logically, he would be anything but because his Stand ability is incredibly useful for the team. Want to get inside a place undetected? He can shrink you so you can enter through a keyhole or the smallest cracks. Need to transport dead bodies, equipment or anything plundered? Shrink and pocket it all! However, Illuso happens to have a Stand that can also be used for the same purposes, as he can enter a place through a reflective surface, or banish dead bodies and other objects to the mirror world... which means that Illuso is the only La Squadra member not dependent on Formaggio, and therefore feels at ease mocking him; in a sense, he is the only one Illuso has any right to tease (excluding Pesci because it would only lead to harangues from Prosciutto, and nobody wants that.)

That's it for now, I hope you enjoyed these!

#jjba #la squadra #illuso #squadrah headcanons #squadrah original

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kendrixtermina · 1 year

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Blockage Theory – Integration lines recontextualized.

I hadn’t put these on tumblr & it occurred to me that I probably should

I sometimes like to conceptualize the line of integration as representing a certain quality that each type has a kind of „mental block“ around – at worst it can be totally repressed, more generally it simply takes some deliberate effort to access or tends to come out only when the person is in a safe, comfortable setting such as their own household (assuming you like your family) -

Meaning that from the upper average side onwards the blockage will be somewhat lessened if the person is relaxed & comfortable or around trusted ppl.

Sort of what the type corresponding to the arrow is pointing at would be identified with is here instead „blocked out“ to some degree, though through effects like enantiodromia the avoidance of something can lead to its buildup, confer it a special status & cause it to maybe come out sideways in some situations, hence why the line can also manifest as a kind of affinity or stress response,

but most often its a „blockage“ in a way that the other line is not.

Also, the reason that the blockage is this persistent is that there is a very strong „or else“ attached to it – like if you expressed this quality, all your worst fears would come crushing down on you…

And this keeps it in place.

1 -

1s are „blocked“ in the function of going after & relishing in pleasure.

They can’t just „do what they want“, their actions must be correct and their pleasure must be „earned“ – besides the very thinking style of immediately evaluating everything, is the goal condition met, yes or no? The 1-specific variant of the „procedurality“ of the competency triad – that leaves little space for any acting on spontaneous impulse.

A reasonably well-adjusted 1 can, as mentioned above, somewhat chillax in a comfortable setting (this is why many report having meaninful/beautiful memories while they were on vacation & given official permission to have fun) but some ppl overdo it to the point that all pleasure is suspect and every spontaneous impulse immediately clamped down upon.

This is of course due to a fear that what comes forth if you don’t control & procedurize everything strictly might be bad and dirty and rotten, that you might find out that your true nature is filth and get „out of control“ if you don’t govern it or restrict it to clearly defined times. The relaxation and „loosening“ that comes with feeling pleasure seems threatening – but its also natural & it arises again & again so if you’re always fighting a natural part of you that can easily lead you to self-hate or self-judgement.

1 is also a very „left-brained“, linear kind of thinking style and 7 represents the associative & creative counterpoint to that that can be hard to access if you have an overdominance of the former.

2 -

It sounds almost unbelievable if you’re one of the more self-referencing types, but 2s have this whole thing where they often have difficulty naming what they need, much less to believe that it’s acceptable to state it. They worry that it’s gonna come off selfish, needy or unlikeable, and in some cases can get so used to repressing it out of awareness that its hard to locate.

Some books describe an experience of inner „flatness“ or an uncertain dark pit in the bottom of one’s stomach that is encountered by meditating.

So in a sense there is a „blockage“ in the quality associated with 4 which is inner awareness, the tracking & pondering the meaning of ones own, inner states. And ultimately, the ability to see yourself & have your independent view of yourself that doesn’t fluctuate with the opinion of the person right in front of you.

But it’s not just the noticing but also the valueing, the idea that your inner feelings & perceptions matter even when they are not pretty or pleasant… & that’s really where the blockage comes from: What if my real feelings, my real self, & my real likes & dislikes are unlikeable or „selfish“?

Though, repressing this stuff often makes it come out sideways & overall ppl are much more likely to give you X if you ask for it than if you sorta lowkey strongarm them into it.

3 -

For this its worth considering that 6 is also a type that is often likeable & popular, especially healthy 6s, but they do this is a very different way that 3s do: By showing their struggle, their effort, their relatable flaws. If 3 charms you by being alpha and a winner, 6 charms you by taking the underdog role and „loser/hot mess“ aesthetic, by being humble, authentic and trustworthy.

This is a quality that is sometimes missing from 3s, causing them to be perceived as too good to be true, too polished, too „plastic“ – but that’s cause they don’t have this 6-ish perspective that your flaws could also make you likeable.

They think they can’t let anybody see their flaws or their struggle, they must make it look effortless cause if their flaws were seen they would be considered losers & worthless.

But what lives at 6 is also the assumption than even an underdog has rights. They’re very vigilant so the powerful don’t screw them, but implicit in that is the knowledge that you don’t need to be powerful to matter, that other screwing you is outrageous.

The 3s could use some of that, that even if their not always winners they still have rights & worth. Plus, letting others see your struggle opens you up to getting help, you dont have to do it all alone.

4 -

The quality of 1 represents two things here.

The first is order, restraint and discipline. The 4 is averse to these cause they’re seen as restricting authenticity, passion and free expression, but also because they can seem arbitrary and meaningless.

Often you hear this nightmare scenario of how much they’d hate to work a boring menial office job for the rest of their lives. There seems to be no room there for meaning, for expression, for intensity or the sublime that may be found „somewhere out there“.

And certainly, too much restraint is bad. But if you’re waiting for the right mood, alighnment of the planets or phase of the moon to be creative, all your ideas might go to waste. Still some 4s can disproportionally balk at the idea of a little discipline in the name of progress or a little restraint out of consideration for your roommates, cause it feels like the first step to accepting the boring pointless office life.

But another thing that lives at 1 is the idea that problems can be fixed.

This can be „blocked“ cause seeing your problems as something that can be fixed can seem to to undermine the meaning in whatever suffering was connected to it – was it all for nothing then? Am I no different from all the other rubes with the same silly problem? Settling for anything less than the ideal seems like betraying it, the last spark of light left of how the world could have been, the lost paradise that once was. But like the idea is that the grass is greener where you water it, that instead of leaving & yeeting the imperfect thing you stay & work to improve it, to actively create your ideal rather than passively waiting for it to come along. So in a sense this particular kind of activity represents a reconcilliation of activity and ideal.

5 -

So what 5s kinda do is, they try to anticipate what’s going to happen, and either you’re so well prepared that the outcome you want seems a foregone conclusion, or you throw the towel and avoid the confrontation. If you don’t know you can win, you don’t play, which might mean avoiding a rather large section of the „board“, and sometimes it may take a whole bunch of preparation before feel ready to step foor there, perhaps because you realize that in the end, no matter how much you watch and learn, some things you only find out by fucking around.

Going directly after what you want when the outcome is uncertain, however, seems… fraught.

If you get invested in the outcome, and then don’t get what you want anyways, that’s gonna hurt.

If you take a risk, you might bite off more than you can chew and end up in a situation where you’re helpless and can’t handle it, or even exposing yourself to total destruction.

Of course, the nugget of philosophy that one might wanna borrow from them 8s is that sometimes you might actually overcome a challenge or even thrive on it, and that there’s a sense of power, confidence and „substantiality“ that comes from having an effect on tangible reality. The 8s can err on the other side, but there’s something to be said for focussing on how you’re gonna win rather than what you have to lose.

6 -

So what 6s are missing is the ability to just chill, calm themselves down and trust that stuff will work out.

Many 6s kinda freak out when they hear that this is supposed to be their growth path cause, what if they get too trusting or too complacent, and get duped or make a mistake?

It seems like inviting all the bad stuff they’re always worrying about.

But the point here is NOT to overdo „trusting the universe“ to the extent that 9s do – the problem is rather that 6s often can’t chill even after they’ve double checked everything and done all the preparations and their loved one assured them 10 times that they still love them, like they can never worry or plan enough. The ability to say „ok this is probably good nuff“ and calm yourself down from any residual worry is blocked.

After you’ve done all your studying for the exam, it’s just as important to relax & go to bed so that you get your 8 hours and can write the exam with a fresh head. Its about letting the worry/ agitation go once it has already done its job of warning you. As Marie Kondo might say, thank your worry for reminding you to baby proof your house, & then let it go.

Another aspect of 9 is sensing into your instincts & impulses. 6s can usually still sense these, they’re not like full on cut off like 5s or 4s and can make quick decisions when pressed by emergency. However, they often don’t trust them. The animal self is suspect, its the source of „bad“ impulses and the selfish danger that lies in others. However, it can also be an useful resource for breaking through analysis paralysis and the constant stressing over the correct course of action. At one point when you’ve gathered all the info and done all the thinking, you gotta pick something & stick with it.

7 -

This is about accepting limitations.

7s can have a hard time with that – they want to do all the stuff at once, they want to think of themselves as the greatest ever, they think they can do everything (and if they cant, well, maybe its actually a win and much better this way!) and they must always get what they want.

Of course, in reality, there are limitations. Everything collapses into a black hole if you squeeze it hard enough. You can’t always win, you can’t do everything, and you can’t always get what you want. You might want to consider what you’ll do if your plan doesn’t work out, or feature in all those grim, unsettling truths that you don’t want to dwell on.

To an outsider it might seem a bit petulant or childish that a grown adult would have a hard time postponing gratification or facing unpleasant things, but of course it’s about the principle of the thing: Once you start taking no for an answer, you might end up accepting the untennable and end up stuck, deprived, traped, unhappy, feeling inferior… the whole shebang.

And no one’s saying you have to become a doomery cave hermit and like it, too.

Though, once you seriously consider and accept that maybe you’re only going to have time to ride 3 of the rollearcoasters and only have one flavor of cookies, the next thought that naturally follows is that maybe you’re going to savor those more and pay more attention, make sure to deeply impress the memories, so absorb from it as much as you can, since you’re not so sure what happens next. It means treasuring and making the most out of the set of experiences that you *can* have instead of thinking of how to get more or lament the one that got away.

8 -

2 here represents the more passively clinging ‚oral‘ sort of object relation – wanting to bo connected, comforted, nurtured, cared for, validated, given pleasure.

Ain’t got no time for that bullshit. We’re tough here. We’re gonna suck it up.

We don’t expect anyone to just give us things, we take them by force, or strategy, or by bartering – but either way it will be made to happen by your hand.

This is cause having a „soft“ need for clinging and validation seems like a liability, a ring by which others can yank you, a weakness that others could exploit. If you need them or hope to get anything freely given from them, they can say no, and that puts you at their mercy. Also, being attached to them means they can hurt you or betray you.

So, you don’t need that „clinging desire“. Yeet.

This can lead to a bizzare reverse picture where unlike most ppl, 8s own and are perfectly aware of their self-interested, „instrumental“ motivations but can be less conscious of the desire to connect or help. Or the person feeling like & sort of resenting how they „always have to always be the strong one.“ Or thinking everyone must dislike and resent you cause theyre only putting up with you because you „made“ or „convinced“ them.

So while it’s a good idea not to show your soft underbelly to just anyone, at least with your family for example you’re gonna miss out on some quality experiences if you don’t allow for the bonding/getting attached thing at least with the most trusted ppl.

9 -

So what 3 represents is going after goals and the ability & willingness to draw attention & shine, both of which are problems for 9s, but more fundamentally, 3 and especially the higher side of 3 is all about being the best you can be, making the most of yourself, developing yourself, becoming a Prime Specimen.

And as a sort of flipside to what was said to the 3s themselves about the qualities of 6, notice that at least well-developed, non-asshole 3s are not universally hated for this but often celebrated & appreciated. Their self-actualization adds to the world rather than necessarily disturbing the calm.

Now not everyone has to want to be a CEO and in alot of ways the 9s ability to be content with a normal peaceful life & appreciate the beauty in the little things is absolutely a virtue.

However, a lot of 9s secretly harbor the wish to be recognized for their contributions, skills and talents, have some unfulfilled hopes & dreams simmering on the backburner, or at least enjoy it when ppl say thanks, but stop themselves from doing something about it to let others know or make their hopes a reality because it’s going to rock the boat and either create conflict or, it just doesn’t seem worth it.

So, like, internalize a bit of that shampoo ad & consider that you might, in fact, be worth it sometimes and that self-actualization is as much of a legit goal as any.

…

You can also make some generalizations regarding which qualities of being the blockage is in.

I think it was jerdle who once cracked a joke about how 6, 4 and 5 are Like This(TM) because they all integrate to the gut, & that struck me as a thought worth expounding on & expanding.

6, 4, 5 → integrate to the impulse center

You might call this „the existential crisis corner“ as these types really question what’s even real as they might be seen as either out of touch with, or in the case of 6, simply not trusting, the basic felt sense of reality as experienced through the senses. As a result, everything feels fraught and precarious. Though being somewhat „unhooked“ from just going with your first impulse also means that these really question everything and take nothing for granted because its just assumed, they want everything to be „for a reason“ rather than just arbitrary.

So there can be an aspect of„not seeing some things enables you to notice others“

2, 9, 8 → integrate to the heart.

2 is already there, sort of, but also doesn’t trust certain aspects of it. (there probably isn’t such a split with the impulses because the Inner Animal isn’t that complicated)

What these types have in common is that they’re sometimes overlooking that their feelings matter, too. With 9 and 2 this is maybe more apparent in the sense that they can be overly other-directed and give all the weight to another person’s feelings to the point of codepency.

With 8 its less obvious since they go straight after what they want, but they can disregard their own feelings through their „suck it up“ attitude, oten feel that they always have to be „the tough one“ and can’t expect comfort from others.

Though, in some contexts being able to „suck it up“ temporarily can be a virtue, like in crisis situations. These are fairly resilient types overall. It’s notable that the other positive type, 7, is not so much on the perseverant side as 2 or 9.

7, 3, 1 → integrate to the mind

These are sort of types that are in „constant motion“ and really can’t stop for a moment, aren’t they?

Like yes being „quick“ is assertive triad, but 8s don’t have the same extent of „stop aversion“ that 7 and 3 have. 1 and 3 are both the sorts that will snap back to doing work in mid-vacation. Obviously for 7 its a different type of activity, but what is maybe shared is a tendency to fill one’s complete shedule to the last second and an inability to just spend some hours staring at the ceiling, contemplating & reviewing your life, analyzing what your experiences really meant, what their effect on you was… and, ultimately, making sure that all this frantic effort of yours is pointing in a meaningful direction.

Though, speaking as a professional navel-gazer who probably spends way too much time contemplating the ceiling wallpaper, I can see how not being bogged down with that unless you deliberately choose to could be useful. It’s probably how these folks have so much energy to do all that stuff.

#enneagram #typology

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roxannarambles · 2 years

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hellooo again!!!! i was just a bit curious about how ur writing process goes! as in, do you find yourself re-reading your work excessively while writing it??? bc I find that I do it too much while writing fics or things of the like (I haven’t technically written a proper fic for goldenlight yet, but I’ve probably gotten closest to writing it with one of my recent posts, which was the catalyst to this realization actually lol) and I genuinely can’t tell if it’s to my benefit or detriment at this point, haha, pain! while on one point I do think it 100% helps me construct what I want in the fic in the way that I want, it also means that when I’m skimming it for any errors, I end up quite bored of my writing. so much so, that I end up straight up disliking it! in the post i mentioned earlier, I genuinely considered just drafting it for editing (which I’ve noticed I really don’t do with tumblr) or even deleting it, but slugged through posting it ultimately for the sake of the three or so hours I spent agonizing over it.

for my sanity, I decided to step away from the post for a few days so I would kinda forget it, and when I reread it recently??? i ended up really really liking it! i think it’s one of my fav goldenlight scenario-type things I’ve posted! (realized this sounds like I’m lowkey promoting myself lmao sorry I’m really just using it as an example) but i truly believed that I would hate it upon revisiting it! so I was just wondering if you had any experience with this type of thing, and if you found anything more sustainable than having to wait a few days? (I realize a beta reader would probably really help but I’m really not sure how I would go about getting one or if I would even really want to 💀)

if you don’t have any real solution to this, that’s fine, I’m aware that this might be a bit of a strange and maybe even nonsensical ask! bc I get the feeling this def could just be a writing thing that I have to learn to accept 💀💀💀 but I think just hearing your general writing process would be really cool too! I really do love how you write and all! (especially the way you write dialogue, I know I fangirl about it so much, but the dialogue you write is just so natural and organic and in-character it makes me want scream)

Hiya! :D I definitely read and re-read my writing a lot, and I think that's normal and helpful for most writers. It’s also very normal for the writing process to sometimes be genuinely a little painful or to be a struggle. (Myself definitely included) However, if you're re-reading your work so much that it has become torment, and you’ve become painfully sick of your own work, then I think that's probably a good sign to step back for just a little while, exactly like you did. Writing shouldn’t hurt that much.

To be perfectly honest, I have never found anything that works better then just simple time. I've built my writing process around it. I will spend an evening writing out my first draft on a section, and then wait a day. The next evening I will go over what I wrote, read it out loud to myself, etc., and do some editing. There is no way I can possibly hope to edit very effectively on the same night I've done the writing. There is just something magical that happens when you give your mind a short break from writing that lets you truly 'see' your own work again after the break. Usually just a day works for me, but sometimes I might need a longer break before I can look at it with fresh eyes again.

Mind you, being able to 'see' your own work again with fresh eyes is not always a happy thing; sometimes it just lets me realize all the places where my text falls short of the scene I had in my mind. This can feel very discouraging to me sometimes because when I was in the midst of writing it, it felt GREAT, but when I later return I realize what I wrote is just not expressing the scene very well and needs more work. However, over the years I've learned to accept this is a part of the process, and to trust in that process. Yes, the next night, the writing might look awful to me; but I will keep editing it and checking it again until it feels a lot closer to my goal. Over the years it seems like it's become a very predictable cycle for me now, and it looks a little like this . . .

The truth is writing is a cyclical process, and it can take multiple editing sessions before reaching a point you're happy with (or mostly happy with). But those editing sessions need to have time in between. What you experienced, staring at your fic until you hated it, only to come back later and realize you LOVED it, is something I go through a lot too, and I think is pretty common for writers. It might be kind of a bummer, but I truly believe taking a short break is one of the best things a writer can do. It's time consuming, yes, but, imo it makes the process so much easier and more fun, even if it does mean you're a bit slower.

There are a few other tricks for when you've stared at your own work for too long. One, read it out loud. That helps with seeing it in a fresh new way. Two, some folks suggest switching your text into a new font you don't normally use, because it can trick your brain into seeing errors that you normally read over and considering the text as something 'new.'

Three, as you suggested, a beta reader can help enormously because you can have the POV of somebody who's seeing the text for the first time. It's understandable if you're a little wary of beta reading. It can be stressful having somebody else critique your work, esp. if you've had a negative experience in the past with a bad beta or a rotten teacher at school. So if you don't want to do it, don't feel bad; that doesn't make you a bad writer. You don't need one. But if you're open to the experience, it can also be really great. Low-stakes beta reading is a great way to start; you can ask one of your friends to read something and just offer their general reactions (or you could ask their opinions on specific parts that are troubling you). If you don't have friends who'd be interested, hop on the Discord server and just ask; there are loads of friendly people on there who would love to help out.

I hope this helps out a little! Everyone’s process is different, of course, but this is what’s worked for me. (Also keep in mind there will probably always be some writing that you hate or think isn’t your best stuff, as writers are almost always their own worst critic. But there’s a good chance others will still enjoy it, because they are reading to have fun, not reading to edit!)

#asks #fireflygonesupernova #goldenlight #writing #thank you for the great ask and all your comments #it's always fun to hear how other writers experience the process

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aaron-elite-four · 1 year

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Hello!

I am Aaron an elite four member from Sinnoh, I specialize in bug types and I also love bug types so you’ll mostly see things centered around them.

I’m a minor from the Sinnoh region and I go by he/him pronouns, I do travel a lot and I’m gonna be dragged off to a trip to the Paldea region soon to look at the school so expect some posts from there pretty soon!

The main Pokémon you’ll see me talk about are

My Scizor, Scissors, he’s a bit of a neat freak, always polishing his body and making sure the metal is as shiny as possible, he’s caused several car accidents due to the glare on his body.

My Drapion, Scorpio, him and Stinger are best buds and are rarely seen without the other, they act like brothers and it’s adorable, he’s very protective of everyone especially little Stinger though that gets annoying sometimes because if I need to bath Stinger he often will hide Stinger from me and Queenie

My Skorupi, Stinger, as mentioned with Scorpio he is always following Scorpio around and they act like brothers, he is very messy and is somehow always covered with mud no matter where we are, Scissor is terrified of him due to the mud and he is impossible to bathe

My Beautifly, Robert, he was my first Pokémon and I would say he’s always been there for me but he kinda ran away for several years and I just got him back, he’s the heart of the group and is very determined, seriously if he wants something he will get it, no matter what

And finally, my ace Vespiquen, her name is Queenie and she is kinda scary, she is always followed by at the very least 3 Combee but I’ve seen at least fifty, she keeps us all in line even if that involves having 50+ Combee swarm us all at once

I have a lot more Pokémon then this but these are the important ones and the ones you’ll hear about most I’ll probably introduce a few others in the future but I’d say that’s good for now I hope I’ll have fun here in this strange place!

Ooc: Hey there! I hopefully should post here regularly I might forget sometimes but I’ll try to be regular, note that due to the lack of info on Aaron I will be using a lot of my personal head cannons and implied details from the Anime and games. I have not read the Manga and I have not played masters (though I am planning to eventually) so any information from those is just from skimming Bulbapedia.

Some basic rules/ things to know

1. Both irl ooc me and Aaron in universe are minors (at least he appears to be, in this blog he’s 16) so no 18+ things.

2. If my Aaron does not match your interpretation that’s great! Just don’t harass me or anybody else about how ours are wrong because yours is different.

3. This is an irl Pokémon blog, meaning that I am acting as if Pokémon were real so that’s why I’m talking about Pokémon like Scizor and Combee as if they were real.

4. I am roleplaying the character Aaron from Pokémon, so I am trying my best to act as he would if he had a Tumblr blog.

5. I often struggle with things like grammar and sentence structure, I always have and probably always will, so if my sentences are hard to read or understand please just tell me and I’ll make sure that I try to fix the issue

(Note, I do not believe that there are any other active Aaron blogs atm but if there is I am not aware)

#irl Pokémon #elite four Aaron #Pokémon Aaron #unreality #introduction #Pokémon #elite four #pokeblogging #irlpkm

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charaismaticdreemurr · 1 year

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✨|| • My account introduction • ||✨

Wowie hello!! I've been scrolling for a moment, thought I'd introduce. I am Chara Dreemurr, a fictive that has been around for a little over a year. This account is entirely mine and the host will not be allowed to mess with it.

As my account age suggests I am extremely new to Tumblr! I am not aware how anything works - and mainly are on here for other fictives like me. This account will be here for conversating with other fictives, posting my art or pictures of me, and ranting about things. Please if you're involved in Undertale or Deltarune feel free to message me! I'd love to chat to whoever!!

This is a process I've decided apon to help with my situation of which I'm still not used to. If I make a mistake just let me know!♥️

||• !! Actual info !!•||

• I am 14 years old, my birthday is the 15th of December so I will be 15 very soon! Just because I'm younger understand that I am not stupid, if you make a suggestive joke around me I will understand what you mean. Filthy Sinner..

• I am Asexual and Aromantic. Please refrain from making suggestive jokes and do not by any means make sexual comments or remarks twords me. I am literally a child.

• I am alone in this system of mine but I don't mind all too much. The headspace looks like the flowerbed, the barrier still shining through the hole at the top. I spend most of my time laying in the flowers and listening to music ^^.

• I am a female and go by She / Her pronouns, however I don't mind They/ Them. If you have a problem with my pronouns DNI, I do not have to go by your "Theorys" or "Head cannons" on my gender.

• I play VrChat a lot and the only other systems I know are from there- however sometimes they get a bit overwhelming and I don't commonly see people from my source, usually just AU's.

• I have a lot of confusing feelings twords my old friends and family.. Frisk's and Sanses give me most of the confusing emotions but I still like them, just please understand that all the pain caused wasn't of my own doing. As long as we all understand that I'm okay ^^.

• My account may mention Su!cide and the G3n0c!de. I like to talk about my feelings now sense I never really did for so long.

||• Memories •||

• I don't remember much from before the fall. I'd blame that on trama if I'm honest, but in reality it probably has something to do with not being real in the first place. ;v;

I remember living in a small village quite a bit away from the mountain. I was an only child with my mom and dad being the only ones in the house, I do not remember their names nor do I remember my old last name.

I was outcasted among my peers and beat up a lot in my younger years, eventually I started fighting back, causing my parents to become irritated with me as I almost always returned home with random injuries that I was never honest about. My father was the worst of the two, I believe him and mom were having relationship issues so he was always out drinking and didn't come home until very late. I spent a lot of time in my room drawing and sleeping.. sometimes sneaking out and going on walks to clear my head. My parents were very religious and dragged me along to sermons, even though I didn't really understand it.. My mental issues got to be a bit much for my parents and they resorted to many different punishments to try to change my behavior which only made things worse. To make a very very long story short, eventually everything became too much and I climbed the mountain. I had been completely sure that it was going to be the end. I was quite roughed up when Asriel found me but surprisingly, alive. I didn't say much for quite a while and even refused to eat for a bit.. but the Dreemurrs were so fucking patient. I will never get over the amount of kindness they showed me.. I would've done anything for them.

I've been though all the " routes " more than once, I stopped keeping track a long time ago. My Frisk kept repeating the "neutral" and sometimes didn't even progress at all. I had a lot of moments with them where we just sat and enjoyed the scenery.. I have brief memories of the waterfalls and flowers being hang out spots.. They always tried to get me to talk about the things I had been through but I was too stubborn to really talk- However after the first "True Pacifist" they had a lot of questions.. A lot of what they wanted to know wasn't revealed to them until the g3n0c!de. I quickly realized through that whole experience, that my emotional issues were worse than I had thought.. At some points I had become so emotionally numb that I just spilled- I try not to think about it too much.

|| • Closer • ||

I'll probably update this if information changes or if I remember more stuff.. I really wish I had talked to people about my feelings before but hey, guess I'll make up for it now^^'.

#chara fictive #my art #introduction

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sophiamcdougall · 2 years

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This helps crystallise some of my unease at the backlash I see fairly regularly -- sometimes from randoms on Tumblr, but also from actual historians -- against many LGBT readings of history. This is where it all leads.

I've seen a cutesy uwu cartoon about how a medieval monk is actually more progressive than you, because he doesn't believe in "putting people into boxes." Which is of course a terrible thing to do. Even though some people have fought pretty hard for those boxes.

I've seen historians who are deeply offended at the idea that there could be anything homophobic about resisting the notion that, say, a passionate exchange of letters between two people of the same gender at least potentially indicates a sexuality we would understand as queer. "I'm not saying they were straight either!" they insist. "I'm just saying they didn't understand themselves that way and so you are being harmful if you say apply those terms to them! They didn't categorise people as gay and straight! You are being anti-intellectual if you think there is anything problematic about the idea that these identities only pop into being as they are named. " Even assuming, for starters, that it's true to say that until very recently no one really understood themselves as [whichever LGBT+ identity]...

Isaac Newton didn't understand himself as being autistic. And it is quite fair to say we can never know with absolute and final certainty if he was autistic. But we can say that autistic people existed in his time, even if unknown, and there is reason to think Newton might have been one of them. The fact that that the category was not established at the time does not mean that autistic people recognising him as perhaps one of their number are doing anything unreasonable. The idea that autistic people did not exist until they were named does not apear to be particularly widely accepted as far as I''m aware-- and thank goodness, because it is a profoundly troubling one.

The thing is "I'm not saying they were straight, I'm rejecting straightness AND gayness AND everything in between as valid categories!" isn't some academic lens that only apply to historical figures. It is highly current, applied by real, living people, to real, living people. And it tends to suck:

There are exceptions, but most people -- even homophobes -- can agree that it's unfair to blame someone for something that's genuinely an inherent, inborn part of their nature. So they don't, in their own mind, persecute gay people for being gay, they don't accept that orientation of any kind exists in the first place. They believe that people are simply choosing to act a certain way. They could choose not to, and therefore it is reasonable to hold them accountable for those choices. It is therefore kind of a lot when you insist that we must not merely be aware of this belief, but effectively share it when examining same-sex relationships in the past. A frequent extension of the idea that people in the past perceived sexuality only as an action, not an identity, and that we must discard all other lenses when examining the past, is that it was also not that bad to be subject to the explicit prohibitions placed on sexual/romantic relationships between people of the same gender.

"They thought it was a sin, but not a worse sin than say, lying! Or having the wrong kind of straight sex!" Again, this is an entirely modern attitude held by (at least) millions of people.

Have you talked to anyone about what it feels like to be on the receiving end of it? When there will never be any non-sinful way you can act on your sexuality? When falling in love puts you, at best, in the same category as someone obsessed with the desire to lie or to steal? (And it is worth mentioning that "theoretically not worse than [minor sin x]" does not necessarily guarantee that two sins were treated as equivalent in practice. They certainly aren't now.)

It's not wrong to remind us this way of thinking exists and has existed for a very long time, but it is galling to see it as held up as liberating or even kind of cute, when it's functionally indistinguishable from the TERF quote which prompted this whole post. Now, there can be a tendency to exaggerate the miseries of the past: all women were married at 12 (and somehow tight-laced to the point of fainting regardless of period) no one knew how to wash, and all queer people's lives were defined by oppression and possibly burnings-at-stake. Of course it is worth correcting that. Of course it is important to explore the way that queer people did manage to thrive as well as the institutional burdens placed upon them. But to do that you have to be able to name them, and to recognise continuities both in identities and in suppressions of them. Finally, before someone says otherwise -- I am not saying we have necessarily arrived at a final, perfect end point in our understanding of sexuality and identity! I understand myself as an ADHD, bi woman. The traits that lead me to identify myself thus existed before I found names for them and, I assert, would exist if I had never found them. But if some future age is able to look at those traits and others I am unable to even pinpoint, and armed with greater knowledge and precision they say "maybe, she was actually what we would call [x]" -- fine! Good! In fact I ardently hope someone comes up with a more accurate name for the appallingly inadequate and clumsy "ADHD". But, these inner experiences are real, they are part of me as they have been part of uncountable people throughout history, whether named or not.

#and in conclusion Foucault can go fuck himself #queer history

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akria23 · 2 years

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I made a post on Twitter but I wanted to elongate it here on tumblr.

The conversation before Whites exam was the most interesting to me. The discussion of right over wrong actions of those who are fighting for any sort of liberation, rights, or correcting of the system - and the mention of BLM directly after that was what pushed it home. Sine the start, anyone fighting the battle has heard criticism and recieved shame for how they decide to fight for themselves and ones like them. The past couple of years I cannot say how many conversations I’ve heard that at it core was just telling people that their lives were of no value. That a foot game meant more, that a flag meant more, a building meant more. The telling of communities to find some other way, some less inconveniencing way to fight for their lives. So White has this internal battle because burning down a house is wrong right but as the guy mentions without the burning of the house no one cares what’s going on behind it, around it. The burning brings attention, it’s brings awareness. People can’t keep no longer turn blind eye.

It was the most real section in the episode, it’s a reality & decision that some face on the daily. How do you judge the actions of those fighting for what’s right while you sit on the side lines doing nothing? It’s easy to say what’s wrong & what’s right when you’re not affected. Or when your interest is trying to protect what you have.

Now I don’t say all this to claim that the production is telling the people to rise up and burn it all down, I haven’t seen a TV series brave enough to ever, what I mean is that this that this episode was about White truly being exposed to Black’s ideology and what it is. We know that Black believes that to not be the little guy, to not allow others to hurt beat you down you have to be willing to stand up and fight back - that has been his belief since childhood. White on the other hand has always been afraid of the consequences of fighting or living outside of any rule. And so we’re seeing White have not an internal battle but a battle with his brother. The more things go wrong the more he feels he’s right that it’s bad what they’re doing and it isn’t until this conversation that where the guy really unveils the concept that without these ‘complex’ actions that no one would care that he really comes to understand the why - the reason for the groups actions and that there’s sometimes a gray space even if you don’t agree with the act you can’t help but see the result.

And he’s not the only one worried about right or wrong because Sean seemed really affected not only by Black (White’s) desire to leave but that it was stemmed by thinking what they were doing was wrong. Black’s past with Sean is still a mystery but there’s def an undercurrent of some sort of appreciation or respect from Sean. You def get the sense that Black was a driving force in the crew. He made the plans, he had the expectations, and as Sean said he was the one that built that flame within them all. Sean has his reasons for being there and that’s clear, you can tell that he himself holds some of the ideology himself.

In all there’s really only 3 routes, the burn it all (if I burn you burn) route, meet in the middle rhetoric, or just give up and settle with the wrong being done against the people. I have ideas about which I think the series will choose to present in the long run. Im just gassed that a BL is finally open to having this discussion now def with what’s happened across the world and right there with the Thailand people. Art can’t actually depict what your actions should be, it can’t tell you any real universal rights or wrongs because it’s always telling a condensed story in fictional settings, BUT it can stimulate conversation and I’m intrigued & ready for what Not Me is set to bring to the table.

#not me the series #not me #not me series #seanwhite #notmetheseriesep2 #offgun #gmmtv series #gmmtv #thai bl

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mrpenguinpants · 3 years

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Razor: Pre-Relationship HCs

THANK YOU SO MUCH ANON [if you’re still here haha]!! Razor is best boy! I can’t pet the dogs but I can pet Razor so therefore he is the best boy. I take no criticism and I’m taking it to my grave.

I’m just gonna make this part my appreciation post and @snowy224 I don’t understand why tumblr won’t let me @ you but you are such a real one it’s kind of insane. I’m almost scared actually but know that no matter how bad I’m feeling or how much I want to throw my fics into the garbage it’s always nice seeing you pop up 💕💕

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Semi Part 1: General HCs

Semi Part 3: Cuddle HCs

Semi Part 4: Jealous HCs

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[taglist] <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @snowy224 @youaskedfurret @childelover @xoneaboveallx @akaasea @stanzastic

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Razor: Pre-Relationship HCs

You had first met the wolf boy when you had been attacked by a Mitachurl when you were collecting wolfhooks. He had jumped out of the bushes and saved you and ever since then you made sure to visit Wolvendom any chance you could get. Just to meet with the mysterious man and thank him somehow. It then developed into having friendly competitions in hunting and familiarizing yourself with how Razor’s life was and who he was as a person. It made you feel like a kid again, running around, getting mud on your clothes, and sleeping outside under the stars. You almost forgot how pretty the sky could be sometimes.

It took a bit of time to get used to Razor’s affectionate nature and trying to reason that Razor had only known wolves his entire life, so there wasn’t anything deeper to when he wanted to hold your hand or nuzzle your cheek. It still made you flush pink since you never experienced this before but it was kind of nice. It felt comfortable to simply hold you hand out, wait for Razor to see you, perk up, walk over, and place his chin in the palm of your hand. The cute but sweet act always made you give a small giggle as you petted him and he nuzzled into your palm.

That was until you started developing feelings for him. It just hit you one day when you saw Razor laugh so hard he was almost crying when you accidently slipped on some mud. He was usually pretty quiet and the only loud noises he made were howls with his lucipals. You stared at him for a couple of seconds before you caught yourself and laughed along with him. On your walk back home you kept thinking back to how happy Razor looked and proceeded to scream into your hands. You were starting to crush on someone who may not even know what a crush was.

Now, every time he initiated some type of affection it sent your heart rate skyrocketing until you thought you would combust. You could feel the heat starting to overtake your cheeks and you went stiff in his hold whenever he wanted to snuggle together. Your different reactions only made Razor confused and it made him think you were sick or there was some type of danger nearby, which only prompted him to go into protect mode and made cupid himself take an axe and cleave your heart in half.

Razor’s world is a simple one and yet that’s what makes it so complicated. At first he wanted to hold your hand because it was soft but now whenever he holds it his heart starts beating faster. When you both fall asleep under the stars he always stays awake a bit longer. Both to make sure you’re both not in danger but to also gaze at your features. After spending so much time together he started to feel weird. Whenever you had to go back home he wanted you to stay a bit longer and felt something tugging at his heart. Telling him to go after you but he was still nervous about the big city.

So when you seemed to be shying away from his usual touches Razor couldn’t help but feel that he must have done something wrong. Did he accidently hurt you? Was there another custom in Mondstadt that he wasn’t aware of? It made him feel sad that you didn’t seem to want to spend time with him.

While you couldn’t sense the mood in the wind, it didn’t take a genius to realize that Razor seemed to be upset about something. His hair that you had at first mistaken as a wolf ear was turned down, his red eyes were sadden, and he looked like a kicked puppy or wolf in this case. It hurt your heart to see your friend so sadden so you quickly rushed over to where he was, dropping the things you had brought so you both could go out adventuring, to make sure he was okay.

“Razor? Are you alright? Did something happen? Are you hurt?” you quickly scrambled towards him and giving him a fast once-over to make sure he wasn’t bleeding anywhere. He only looked up at you with those same sadden eyes and you swore that you would protect his man with everything you had.

“Do you...not like Razor?” Razor pouted up at you as he seemed to shuffle away from you. Not like him? Where did this come from? You slowly kneeled beside him frowning slightly as you reached over to pet him. He didn’t seem to shy away from your touch, in fact he almost seemed desperate for it.

“What? Of course not Razor. Where did you get that idea?” you softly scratched behind his ear as you tried to remember if anyone in the city of freedom mention anything about a wolf boy or that they were heading to Wolvendom that might have upset Razor.

“You. Don’t like being near me,” Razor confessed as he leaned harder into your touch, “This. Don’t do anymore”

You suddenly dawned on you that he was right. You had been so focused on getting your feelings under control that it did seem like you wanted to scramble out of his hold. But it wasn’t because you didn’t like Razor. It was definitely the complete opposite but it came off wrong. You were mentally kicking yourself for your mess up as you slowly reached over to hold his hands. Something to keep both you and him stable.

“Oh, um...” You laughed awkwardly to yourself, “It’s not like that Razor. Um, how do I explain this..”

You pondered to yourself and what the best and easiest way to explain that you really really wanted to hold his hand in a romantical sense. You wanted to be more than lucipals? That..didn’t seem right. Razor’s world was simple so the best way would be to say things simply.

“You see Razor, whenever we’re together I get this feeling here,” you pressed his palm over your heart so he could feel how fast your heart was racing, “that means that I like you. A lot. So much that when you want to um, hold hands, it makes my heart go so fast that I need a minute to let it calm down. It’s not because I hate you, I don’t think I ever could. I just like you so much that I need a second. If that makes sense...”

“Razor has that too!” Razor suddenly exclaimed as he proceeded to tackle you in his excitement as he took your own hand and placed it over his heart. You could feel his own heart rate racing at the same pace as yours.

“Ah- I’m glad?” you stuttered as Razor peered down at you grinning.

“So you won’t leave Razor?” Razor asked as you sighed amused.

“Never.” You agreed as you watched Razor light up brighter than any star in the sky. Razor grinned down at you and you swore you could see a small wolf tail wagging. What have you gotten yourself into? You might need to check in with Barbara soon to make sure your heart wouldn’t collapse anytime soon.

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Okay. One more Xiao fic and I’m going to take a powernap, I’m so tired. I’m sorry Venti I will write you tmr. I think 3 posts a day is my limit so hopefully I can get to everyone in time. I’m about to go wake up, play alien isolation with friends, and scare the life out of me. Wish me luck!

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seesgood · 3 years

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can we very gently talk about call out posts / culture really quick? not in a judgmental way, but in like a: i just want to pose a thought and explain why i’m never going to buy into it and why i wish it would become less of a trend instead of more of one? and i’ll add the disclaimer here: i totally get not wanting certain people around you for various reasons, that is all your prerogative. that’s your comfort level. but in emphasizing “your blog should be a safe space” we’re kind’ve losing sight of the fact that the rpc should also be a safe space, and as much as your comfort and safety matter, so do other people’s. and not just the person who hurt you, but the third parties and other mutuals and 99.9% of people who are not at all involved in any way in whatever happened. so, anyway here goes, read it or don’t, we all have different opinions or reasons, i just want to be heard:

people are allowed to change. think back to who you were last year. two years ago. think about the stuff you said when you were seventeen, or twenty-one, or hell whatever age you were. current-you would probably cringe at the kind of stuff past-you had to say. because you grew. you learned. you had life experiences. in hindsight you have the freedom to be like “oof yeah that was not the best version of myself right there damn i don’t want to be like that again.” the growing trend of ‘here’s a 10+ page google doc complete with out of context screenshots that sometimes date back to like 2017 or earlier’ makes this kind of change impossible. because right there, you’ve just frozen a person in time, probably not at their best, removed any and all amounts of context, and put it on the internet and let other people judge it for themselves.

so that leads into another point that i want to just kinda present to the community at large: the act of documenting behaviors and storing them for months / years at a time, in itself creates a super unsafe environment, not just for you, your friends, the people who have hurt you --- but also for anyone else that isn’t at all involved in whatever happened. like, for example, i like to think that i’m a pretty nice person. i actively try to be a nice person. am i sometimes not having the best day? have people definitely caught me in bad moments? oh hell yeah. but am i, as someone who tries really hard to be nice and welcoming, constantly thinking through every message i send to someone knowing that a) i could have a reputation that makes them read into context that isn’t there and that could contribute to them misinterpreting words i meant in a different way, b) very aware that every post i make, ask i send, message i send can at any moment be screenshotted and posted and taken out of context and either serve as someone’s only opinion of me or pile on to someone’s existing opinion of me? yeah. so in my experience, and based on people i’ve talked to, we now have this thing where you can be surface-friends wtih a lot of people, but if you want to survive in the tumblr rpc you should really only have 2-3 people that you really trust that you can actually talk about shit with.

and lately i’ve been seeing a resurgence of posts on my dash about like “bring back xyz in the rpc” or “the reason the rpc is like this is because of xyz” and i both agree and disagree with a lot of this, but primarily i think the reason the rpc is Off lately is because everyone and their cousin has a DNI, which is --- again --- your decision and i understand and respect that, but while you know the context of every name on that DNI, other people don’t. and to be honest: other people don’t really care and honestly maybe they shouldn’t care. --- and don’t get me wrong, your friends should care if someone has hurt you. that’s important. but joe billy bob who just wants to write their character with yours is going to read through your rules, they’re going to see “do not interact with me if you follow with or interact with these people you’ve never heard of and if you want me to tell you why just message me” (which no one is ever going to do, i’m sorry to say). and say, joe billy bob also followed that other person because they were like ‘omg this blog looks cool’ --- now joe billy bob, who just wants to write cool plots, is suddenly the middle-man in some type of drama that they do not understand, and maybe they’re able to remove themselves from the situation, but even then it’s still in the back of your mind.

this is getting long. it’ll be longer, but let’s take a brief break for me to remind you that in some cases, it’s definitely good to give your mutuals and friends a heads up when someone has done something really, really bad. like, remember x amount of years ago when some dude was like ‘i’m gonna make up a new person and say they died by suicide as a social experiment’ or ‘hey this person actively tries to force very triggering plots about abuse / rape / incest onto people and has been doing so for years and does not seem to change their ways no matter how many people try to educate them’ that’s shit people should probably know about. and it’s also okay ( in my opinion ) for your friends to be able to message you like ‘hey i saw you’re writing with x and i just wanted to let you know i had this experience with them’ if that’s something they feel comfortable doing. and if they are comfortable with you still having the autonomy to make your own decision regarding the person.

i’ll be honest, for a second: i’ve been part of friendships and groups that have turned really toxic for one reason or another. a handful of times. there are probably people out there that are like “yeah this chick is really fake and manipulative and etc, i was friends with her back in 2019″ which, okay. yeah. i’ve definitely done shit and said shit that was not the most representative of who i want to be and who i want to become, and you probably have to. because we are human beings and we are a product of our social groups and the community around us. and you shouldn’t be chained to a version of you that isn’t you anymore. people change. they grow. you don’t have to like them, but you should respect that sometimes people don’t mesh, and that doesn’t mean any of them are bad people, it just means the experience was bad.

a few additional notes i would like to make but i’ve already gone on way too long:

90% of the callout posts that i’ve seen and the DNI’s that i’ve seen can, in my opinion, be classified as a friend group thing. you were friends with x, x did something, now y and z aren’t friends with x anymore. pain is a very, very real thing and people hurting you should never be minimized, but at some point i just want you to remember that not every friendship is going to end happily, but both you and the other party should be allowed to move on and grow better, healthier friendships after. rehashing Friend Group Gone Wrong instances removes that ability for not only person x, but also person y and z.

you putting out a callout says just as much ( maybe more ) about you than it does about the other person. which sucks. because i’d like to think we all have great intentions, and i’m not saying that you should swallow your pain, but it might not be the kind of thing that impacts the community at large, and maybe you should try to find a better way of working through it with a trusted friend(s)

i’m going to be very real and very blunt on this one: literally no one cares. i say that with love. i’m good friends with people who have each other on their DNI’s. establish a baseline of respect and ‘i’m not going to say anything to them about you and vice versa because there’s no need for me to do so’ and move on. but seriously. no one cares. most outside people read callout posts because they like being in the know about the drama, not because they actually care.

person a and person b who are mentioned in the DNI / callout aren’t the only ones who are going to be affected. your friends, your mutuals, your writing partners are now all put in a weird spot where you have to pick sides on an issue you know nothing about and shouldn’t have to know anything about. you’re asking people to choose sides on an issue they cannot fully understand, and that’s not fair to them or to you. and it drives great people away. and then we all lose out on having more awesome people in the rpc.

you’re entitled to your safe space, but this is a public platform and you are also responsible for maintaining your safe space. you shouldn’t put it entirely on other people to do that for you. you can block, blacklist, make up funny names for, or spitefully erase from your many anything and anyone that you wish. but you shouldn’t make your friends do it for you.

there’s always an inherent power imbalance when any kind of drama occurs between those who have more followers / friends / connections and those who do not. and the smaller blog is always going to suffer a little bit more because they don’t have people blindly coming to their defense.

bad moments, bad experiences, bad decisions DO NOT equal bad people.

allow people to make up their own mind about something or someone

anywho, if you read through this whole thing i think i owe you financial compensation. but also thank you for reading / listening / considering. even if you rolled your eyes through the whole thing like “stfu lia” that’s fine. i’m just presenting an alternative thought. i’d like to once again state: i’m not judging you if you’ve made a callout/DNI or if you’re on a callout/DNI. like i literally don’t care. and frankly, in my opinion, i shouldn’t have to. because i, and you, and your friends, and your mutuals, and your non-mutuals should be allowed the space to make up their own opinion and mind on something or someone without being told that there will be consequences if they don’t agree with you. set boundaries. communicate in healthy ways. you don’t have to forgive the people who have hurt or wronged you, but you also don’t get to decide that their actions make up 100% of who they are as a person, or decide that that is the only side of that person people should get to see.

#ʟᴇᴛ’s ᴛᴀʟᴋ ɢʀᴏᴜɴᴅ ʀᴜʟᴇs ⸺ psa.#/ long post cw.#when i say long i mean LONG #i could do an entire dissertation on this #i could do a ted talk #but ys know #if anyone wanted to do some ahem non-light reading this morning #*jazz hands*#( if you want to reblog this monstrosity you definitely can )

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