#i literally cannot believe this has been sitting in my drafts for so long i am a s h a m e d
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FULL NAME diana felisa ingram
NICKNAME(S) di, the fixer
GENDER / PRONOUNS trans woman / she + her
AGE/ BIRTHDAY 32 / october 7
HOMETOWN new york city
OCCUPATION public relations manager @ anunnaki pharmaceuticals
AFFILIATION / ROLE unaffiliated
ORIENTATION / STATUS bisexual + kinsey scale 4 / single
STRENGTHS enterprising + efficient + charismatic
WEAKNESSES duplicitous + unsympathetic + rapacious
HISTORY.
TW brief + vague allusion to transphobia
❝ THE WORLD DOESN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING, AND NEITHER DO I. ❞ cruel words with which to raise a child, but for a young diana ingram, a HARSH TRUTH eventually becomes a MANTRA ; a code of conduct to LIVE BY. she doesn't come from MONEY ; her childhood home is not a STABLE one. it's not LOVING. she is not BORN diana felisa, but do not make the MISTAKE of trying to discover who she USED to be. that person — the person she WAS has not been BURIED in the past ; no, more than that, diana has LOCKED that person away neatly inside of a box and swallowed the key ! the diana that you see TODAY is born at the tender age of fifteen. there are no PARENTS to bring her into this world ; they cling instead to the GHOST of a child that is no more. everything diana wants, everything she NEEDS, she must earn for herself.
the climb to the top is STEEP when you're starting at the BOTTOM ; the shadows of a CONCRETE JUNGLE are enough to swallow the WEAK whole. but diana ingram is made of polished steel, she's STRONG. solid heels dig into asphalt and propel her forward, UPWARD ! ( she wants out of poverty, craves stability ! ) it helps that she's got a QUICK WIT and an INHERENT & INSATIABLE drive to succeed. and although she'll say she's done it alone, it was not entirely without HELP ; she's smart about it, makes connections with the right teachers & counselors to help MOLD her into the perfect candidate for an IVY LEAGUE future. she learns quickly that she's got a GIFT with words ; well-spoken, articulate, and COMMANDING when she speaks, networking comes easily. she can paint ANY image of herself to suit ANY need.
it comes as NO SURPRISE to a young & eager diana when she receives an acceptance letter from COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY ; she's graduated at the TOP of her class with an assortment of hefty scholarships & grants collected over the years from countless essays & extracurriculars. years of higher education are spent amassing all of the knowledge & experience she can land perfectly polished fingers on ; summers are spent in the CITY where diana seeks internship opportunities wherever she can. when she graduates, hard work presents REWARD in the form of a MASTER'S DEGREE in public administration. ( there is NO ONE in the audience to bear witness to the fruits of her labor as she walks across the stage, but diana ingram still holds her head HIGH ! )
the payoff for years of STRUGGLE & SACRIFICE arrives in her mid - twenties ; where her journey begins as a CLIMB, diana is suddenly CATAPULTED into the success she's longed for. or, the start of it, at very least ! she returns to the city from ithaca with OPTIONS ― before she's even laid a hand on her degree, she's built a GLITTERING reputation for herself. the choice of reputable, RESPECTED PR firms in the city is hers, and she'll spend the rest of her twenties building a CLIENTELE for herself that comes to boast some of the most important public figures in new york. somewhere in the whirlwind of it all, diana falls in LOVE with more than just her career ; it's new & compelling, REFRESHING, and in the midst of it all, she gets ENGAGED.
but nobody's story is ALL happy endings ! and diana has never been lucky, certainly not by her own consideration ; anything she's been BLESSED with has been by her own hand, her own work. and maybe that's her TRAGIC FLAW when it all boils down ― she's just always got to work, doesn't she ? for all that her aura to the public is one of warmth & calm, she's always got to be DOING something. doing MORE. striving to be BETTER ! as much as she tries to convince herself otherwise, diana doesn't have TIME for LOVE. when she ends up ALONE, a ring tucked deep in the drawer of her vanity to be forgotten, she reminds herself it's for the BEST. after all, how could she feel any sort of heartbreak over the promise of more time for herself ?
so she gets a cat and a couple of bottles of merlot to convince herself she's NOT LONELY because that feels like the right thing to do, but the truth of the matter ? the SOLITUDE drives her. it INSPIRES her. seeking more change, more experience, she leaves her PR agency to fill a full-time role putting out any potentially disastrous MEDIA FIRES at anunnaki pharmaceuticals before they've even got a chance to SPARK. and she's GOOD at it, too ! she's got a way with diversion, a gift for sweeping things under the rug and somehow spinning into GOLD what she can't hide away. it's a dangerous gift, particularly at the hands of a corporation like ANUNNAKI, but diana's come too far now to place much stock in MORALITY. at the end of the day, she's got to look out for number one : DIANA FELISA INGRAM.
WANTED CONNECTIONS.
THE MENTOR — just because diana ingram had to claw her way up to where she is now on her own does not mean she didn’t receive assistance from a few helping hands along the way. this muse met diana when she was young and eager to begin her ascent of the corporate ladder, and for whatever reason, decided to take her under their wing. whether this was via an apprenticeship, a first job, or just networking, this relationship formed the solid foundation for which diana could build her success. she owes them everything, and to this day, sends them flowers on the anniversary of their first meeting. ( 1/1 - marcia ramos )
THE DEVIL ON HER SHOULDER — anunnaki pharmaceuticals has been the perfect platform for diana to build a professional reputation ; the controversial corporation has allowed her ample opportunities to flex her mediative and diplomatic muscles and put herself at the forefront of the map when it comes to public relations management. she enjoys her job, but this muse has been whispering in her ear about the potential for something new, for growth. their offer is alluring, diana can’t lie ; more money, more power. more control. and while she’s always said she never owes anyone anything ( anyone except marcia, perhaps ) she feels an almost moral obligation to anunnaki. or perhaps it’s comfort ? all she knows, is she’s been thinking about this offer more and more as of late, and temptation is a fickle beast. is the devil she knows really better than the devil she doesn’t ? ( 1/1 - liena chen )
THE EX-FIANCE — yes, she was engaged and no, she’s not anymore. it was messy, alright ? the thing is, there’s nothing in this world diana is not willing to sacrifice in the name of her career and its continued success. nothing. if you ask her, she’s a perfect multi-tasker, and it’s absolutely possible to be both in love with your work and in love with someone else. maybe this muse had obligations of their own ( hiding criminal activity ? a similar passion for their career ? ) and that meant neither of them ever had time for each other, or maybe it was the fact that it felt like just diana wasn’t present in the relationship that brought things to an end. either way, as much as she hates to admit it to herself ( and she’d never admit it to anyone else ) she still loves them. she had no intention of ever breaking it off, after all. and yes, she still has the ring. you’re welcome to come get it from her, but she doesn’t do deliveries ( 0/1 / open to f/m/nb )
THE WORK FRIENDS — it’s literally a part of diana’s job description to be good at talking to people, so of course she’s going to have a few friends for some water cooler gossip in the office. maybe they go for drinks after they leave for the weekend to let off steam and talk some shit, or maybe your muse has signed up for one of her several video seminars on mindful speaking and the importance of public appearance — no, they’re not paid, but they are beneficial. and if you’ve got the patience to sit through one, congratulations, you are officially a part of her squad. that means monday morning pastries and friday morning starbucks waiting at your desk with love, matching stationery sets and customized skin care gifts to celebrate the smallest things, and weekly affirmation & goal-making sessions. ( 0/3 / open to employees of anunnaki pharmaceuticals )
THE WORK ENEMIES — along the same vein, there are certain people at anunnaki that diana just doesn’t agree with. maybe their social or professional decisions have made her life harder ; maybe they made a comment in the elevator on a bad morning that wasn’t even malicious but she can’t let it go ; maybe your muse is just perceptive enough to realize that diana is one of the most duplicitous people in the city, and she knows you know. no matter the cause, she’s always cordial and polite with them. rest assured, though, she is plotting their demise. ( 0/2 / open to employees of anunnaki pharmaceuticals + potentially previous employers, open to plotting )
LITERALLY ANYTHING ― friends / fwb / flings / exes / past clients / folks in need of her services . . . like when i tell you i am down for anything, just hit me up and we can plot !!
#✘ diana ingram | intro#lawlessintro#i literally cannot believe this has been sitting in my drafts for so long i am a s h a m e d#and it's not even good jfc diana u deserve better than me i s2g
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Yoko Headcanons Pt 3. (this has been in my draft for a while)
Yoko isn’t a big romcom fan but Enid and Divina are so her and Wednesday end up watching them begrudgingly for their girls. That does NOT stop them from complaining though.
Wednesday: Yoko I can feel my brain cells deteriorating.
Yoko: Girl same im getting dumber watching this and I’m already the dumbest person here.
Unlike Enid, Divina helps Yoko study on her own and teaches Yoko little tricks to help her remember things in class. Enid usually just lets her copy.
Though Yoko acts very confident, she does have a lot of insecurities surrounding her intelligence because she’s never been really good at operating in a school setting. Things that don’t immediately capture her attention will often not keep her attention very long.
Yoko can sit and read Wednesday’s books for an hour straight squealing but she cannot take a math test for thirty minutes.
Yoko finds out Wednesday likes Enid (not that she didn’t already guess) because Viper so obviously has a crush on a new character that’s supposed to be Enid.
Enid and Yoko met in their freshmen year, Yoko tried flirting with Enid but Enid wasn’t really interested. Which is how they became best friends.
Young Yoko was a bit more of a menace and much more spoiled due to her wealthy upbringing. She absolutely thought she could have anyone she wanted and Enid was like “I’m not really attracted to you.”
Yoko: Not possible but OKAY.
Enid: Well do you want to be friends?
Yoko: This is literally the most embarrassing day of my life. Yes.
Enid and Yoko are literally inseparable. Yoko is an only child and Enid has only brothers. They’re literally so thankful for each other.
Because of her upbringing, Yoko has a lot of trouble showing and expressing negative emotions. Enid is like a sister to her and is always patient with Yoko when she needs time.
Yoko calls Divina princess, at first it was an insult because she’s stuck up and such, but it grew on both of them. Yoko is very affectionate with Divina when they’re alone, Divina loves it.
Divina: Get up. We have class.
Yoko: Come back to bed, princess. It’s cold.
Divina: Because you’re dead. Get up.
Yoko: You don’t love me.
Divina, rolling her eyes and climbing back into bed with her: You’re right. I hate you.
Yoko: Mhm. :)
Nobody in their right mind besides Enid would believe Yoko is so affectionate and loving because outwardly she is so against relationships and she kicks girls out as soon as they’re done. “I’d call you a cab but you live next door.”
Yoko is in fact only soft for Divina.
I raise you Yoko and Wednesday having a talk about being afraid of emotions.
I raise you Enid and Divina wondering if their girls actually like them because they have those kinds of insecurities and little do they know their girls would die for them without question.
I raise you Wednesday at first being jealous of Yoko until she realizes there couldn’t be anything to be jealous of because all Enid and Yoko do is argue.
Yoko, kicking the door down: Wednesday get your fucking girlfriend shes DOING IT AGAIN
Enid: Babe DONT LISTEN TO HER SHES LYING
Wednesday, sighing: Do you want this chapter done or not, Yoko?
Yoko: with ALL MY HEART MI AMOR
Enid: STOP FLIRTING WITH MY GIRLFRIEND FOR CHAPTERS
Yoko: STOP TELLING MY GIRLFRIEND WHEN I SKIP CLASS
Basically Wednesday was jealous up until she realized they’re basically siblings and they are trying to kill each other at least 90% of the time.
Divina had to win over Enid and Wednesday first. It was like asking for their daughter’s hand in marriage.
Wednesday: What are your intentions with our idiot?
Enid: I will skin you alive if you ever hurt her.
Wednesday: I’m so in love with you.
Thing, Yoko, and Enid have girls nights.
Yoko never liked Tyler either. “He just looks like a card board cut out.”
Yoko actually wants to become a movie director but not many people know that. Specifically horror movies.
Yoko was the kind of kid who would film her own movies on her phone.
Since Yoko has trouble expressing herself, her forms of love come in physical ways. Bumping Enid in the halls, playing with Divina’s fingers in class when she’s distracted, ect.
Wednesday and Yoko actually become amazing friends. They have a lot to bond over. Their love of horror, they both hate Tyler, they both have girlfriends who love them more than anything, they’re both bad at expressing emotions.
#yoko tanaka#divina wednesday#yokovina#wenclair#enid sinclair#enid#wednesday#wednesday addams#i love yoko#yoko and enid but platonic <3#yoko and wednesday having more in common than enid and yoko#they’re so good#i love friendships#if you want strong female friendships you create them yourself
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lee!Charlie ler!Alastor with 5 (“Sorry, was I tickling you?”) please?
YES YES YES YE SYEESHFJFJSJFJSHR AAAAHAHHHHHHHRHEHHFJFJSJFJSHFHDJ
they’re literally my favs rn. i see father daughter dynamic when i see them and NOBDOY EVER LISTENS TO ME WHEN I SAY IT🤬🤬🤬
here is a friendly reminder that this is a STRICTLY SFW & PLATONIC FIC!!! and it is NOT to be viewed otherwise!
this has been in my drafts for months.
Alastor had grown quite.. accustomed, as he would say it, to the ‘wayward souls’ in the Hazbin Hotel.
But he found himself bonding with Charlie more than anyone.
She’s a nice girl to be around, he must admit.
..So now Alastor has found himself sitting on the edge of Charlie’s bed, Charlie on the floor infront of him, and him tying Charlie’s hair into her signature 3-sectioned ponytail as she rambled to him about new ideas for the hotel.
“—And since we’ve kind of practiced apologizing, you know, with you and Sir Pentious, I was thinking we do a lesson on forgiveness!” Charlie turned her head a little to check that Alastor was listening.
“What a wonderful idea, my dear!” Alastor exclaimed. “And I can assure you, Charlie, I am listening to your little rambles, no need to continuously check! You turning around, it may mess up the way this will look.”
“Oh, right! Sorry,” Charlie chuckled lightly and turned back around.
Alastor brushed his fingers through Charlies hair as he sectioned it, not paying too much attention as to what he was doing; He has done Charlie’s hair countless of times now, it was like muscle memory. He didn’t feel a need to pay attention.
The sound of a small squeak and Charlie jolting her head forward is what made Alastor suddenly feel he needed to pay attention.
“Are you alright, my dear? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Alastor leaned forward to get a better look at Charlie’s face as he let go of her hair.
“No, no, it’s okay, Al. Your finger just kinda brushed my neck, it didn’t hurt.” Charlie turned and gave Alastor a reassuring smile, Alastor raised a brow.
“Sorry, was I tickling you?” The deer smiled, almost chuckling as he saw Charlie’s smile just barely falter.
“Only a little!” She quickly reassured, “It’s okay, I promise.”
Alastor hummed. “Well, again, I do apologize. It won’t happen again, dear.” His tone was too genuine for Charlie not to believe, and Alastor then continued with her hair.
Foolish of Charlie, really, to believe the known manipulator.
After a few moments, Alastor, now intentionally, dragged a few fingers along the back of her neck.. then acted like nothing happened.
“Hehey! Alastor!?” Charlie flinched and turned to face Alastor. Alastor smiled.
“Yes, my dear?” The Radio Demon tilted his head with mock-confusion.
“Nothing.. Anyways, so I was thinking we….” Charlie continued her rambling, brushing off Alastor’s action as another accident.
With Charlie being oblivious to her surroundings, Alastor took it upon himself to summon two of his tendrils and slowly, quietly, bring them to poke Charlie’s sides before they disappeared. Charlie squeaked and jolted back against Alastor’s leg.
“Alastor! Okay, that was definitely on purpose!” The princess turned around and pointed an accusing finger at Alastor.
“Well, I do apologize, dear. However, you cannot expect me not to tickle you upon finding out you possess such sensitivity!” The deer chimed, deciding that finishing Charlie’s hair can wait. In the moment, this was more important.
“Wait, Al? Alastor, no. NonononOHOHO!” Charlie squealed as she was suddenly lifted into Alastor’s lap, ten fingers gently yet firmly digging into her sides to make her shriek with laughter.
“My, my, what a discovery! And an adorable one at that; I can’t believe you’ve kept this hidden for so long!” Alastor smiled politely, as if he wasn’t causing the princess of Hell to squeal and laugh at his mercy. He brought a hand up to her ribs, his fingers vibrating against the spaces between each bone. He couldn’t help but quietly chuckle along, Charlie’s laughter was truly contagious and he did find the situation quite amusing.
“AHALASTOR! Ihihit tihickles!” Charlie’s eyes squeezed tightly shut as she endured the ‘torture.’ However, Alastor couldn’t help but notice that the princess wasn’t exactly trying to stop him.
“Well, I believe that is the point in tickling you, dear! It’s supposed to tickle!” Alastor beamed. “You know, Charlie, I seem to have noticed something with you.”
Charlie would have raised an eyebrow in confusion had she not been being tickled silly. “Whahat!?”
“You’re not exactly trying to stop me, now are you?”
Well, shit.
“Do you like this, dear?” Alastor queried, his ears perked in expectance for a quiet response. He slowed the tickling, beginning to gently trace shapes on Charlie’s sides so she can muster up something to say with little-to-no struggle.
“Mahaybe..?” The Princess could feel the heat rise to her cheeks. She didn’t have to look at Alastor to know how he was looking at her.
“Aww, how adorable! Well, now I have to continue!” Alastor was quick to start scribbling his claws across Charlie’s stomach, eliciting a squeal and loud, happy laughter from the princess.
“Alastohohor! NohOHO!” Charlie squirmed in Alastor’s lap, keeping her face hidden in her hands.
“Oh, let me see that smile, darling! You’re never fully dressed without a smile~!” Alastor grinned, and used one hand to hold both of Charlie’s hands away from her face. He made sure to hold on gently, so that she could move away if she really wanted to.
“Thihis is cheheheating!” Charlie whined as her hands were held away, but she let it happen. Alastor’s smile was fond, before suddenly becoming mischevious as he blew a quick raspberry on the crook of the princess’s neck. He cackled with her, humoring himself.
Eventually, Charlie did pull away from Alastor, and he stopped as soon as she did. She lied next to him, a blushing mess of soft giggling. Alastor rubbed her back to soothe her, and she appreciated the gesture. The two sat in silence for a few moments as Charlie recollected herself.
And Charlie was the one who broke the silence.
“Thank you, Al,” The princess mumbled against the matress. “I- I needed that.”
Alastor hummed. “You’re welcome, darling. Now, would you like me to continue with your hair?”
“…I think I’ll just keep it down today.”
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sorry but my homestuck brain rot mandates me to ask you this;
do you have any headcanons as to how trolls look/are Different from humans? like their more alien features and such, or do you just see them as grey horned humans?
hi for the sake of god HELLO. anon, i have so many headcanons it truly is a mistake to open these floodgates. I also can't draw at the moment due to wrist pain so I hope a written answer will have to do for now :')
draft edit: THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY ASKBOX FOR SO LONG. Anon i am gripping you by force, i literally have so much, and this is what i can think in like 10 minutes of pondering.
I don't think trolls are gray humans. In fact, i believe they're more like bug-like bipeds, being closer to bees than they are to mammals. This is a fun bit there are three "sexes" to trolls: females (the mothergrub!), males (the actual trolls!) and the workers (drones!). All of them have their roles and etc.
Since you're asking for the Looks, here are the basics:
Juvenile trolls (the ones we see more often in homestuck) are the most human-like ones both in shape and stature because they’re still young. At that stage their height equals human teen height, and sometimes humans can even be taller.
Their first puberty, or pupation, sets in at an older age than humans usually, so where a human teen starts getting their stuff slowly rolling at around 11-14, a troll would only get their puberty at around 17 or 18, but all of it comes in at the same time via molt.
Trolls go through several pupations, or molts. Two of them are the most important ones: The pupation from their larval grubby stage to juvenile, where they go from straight up looking like an insect to a child, more human-like. Then the maturation molt, where they leave their juvenile forms to get an adult appearance that makes them taller and their skin darker, with every subsequent molt to that being basically an "update" to their form, to make them even taller and stronger. They will keep doing thay up until they die, like lobsters! Even lowbloods get taller and buffer than the average human, and from indigo and up they only get taller and taller. Below is just a VERY simple height chart, no other body hcs applied.
More often than not, trolls are STOCKY. They’re beefy and their structure is naturally heavy than a human. A troll weights a round1.5 of a human the equivalent size and body type. Even the skinny ones. They’re dense, but they’re also much much stronger and much sturdier.
And as you might have already noticed if you’ve looked at my art, NONE of my trolls really are grey humans, or at least i try not to make them that way!
i always make sure to give them both bug-like traits and other animal traits. They all have little tails that vary in shape and lenght by caste, VERY often digitigrade feet and sometimes other face structure modifications, such as multiple eyes, chitinous face with big mouths and such and also fur and body markings. YES all my trolls glow under UV light also, it wasn’t just an one off headcanon thing, their vision is adapted to see the patterns, and i’m pretty sure their range of vision differs from ours, specially if you judge they’re night-time predator bugs.
Also! fun fact, but i classify seadwellers depeding on their most comfortable position on sea depth: pelagic (shallow to middle water level, most common, can go deeper but not live long term down there), benthic (bottom feeders, but not from deep sea), deep sea/abyssal (inhabits naturally below the bathypelagic zone + abyssal, CAN go deeper and survive the pressure of the bottom of the sea but definitely couldnt live there), strict abyssal seadwellers (extremely rare, cannot live outside water at all. all mutants). Each one of those is built similarly, but they all have different functions and traits that differ!
#troll lore#homestuck headcanons#alternia#asks#anon#FINALLY#GOD DAMN IT I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO GO THROUGH THIS#hc#hcs
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So my older younger sister is in town for thanksgiving. The college one. The goth who proudly walks through a catholic school wearing pentagrams and shirts with 666 on them. Great kid.
Well, once she got a job at the restaurant next door to my work, our social lives became oddly connected even tho we never hung out with each other, just the same person in his opposite circles.
And this person? The mentioned fuckboi who crashed on my couch for like three months and brought me and some other girls together.
If anybody remembers the story of the fuckboi and all that, my sister has the fucking continuation of it and I’m still SCREAMING over the development in the Same Fucking Story because fuckboi is still on his bullshit, but now with my sister’s ex best friend from high school.
So, after the whole act the fuckboi pulled with me and those other two girls from panera, he slipped over to the arby’s next door where he was the slightly elder ‘i’m possibly in college’ type of person. (You know, you have the high schoolers, ‘college’ kids, and then everybody over 25. He went from being the just graduated fresh out of school one to the ‘college’ one. And he picked up another few girls.
The worst part is: Boi was a manager there. The same boi who decided that he wasn’t moving with his parents to another city and decided to live on my fucking couch.
He didn’t stop the fuckboi shenanigans. Now, with these fresh out of high school girls and him being in his gap years, he ended up settling into a relationship with my sister’s friend.
Now, my sister, being the good friend who very much knows about what this guy did with me and my friends, she goes to her friend and says “He cheated on his ex, and is currently cheating on you.” etc etc.
To which her friend vagues her on tiktok about “Knowing *fuckboi* would never do that to her” meanwhile my sister is just like, “K. this is your problem now. Bc he’s fucking this other girl i know.”
Then fuckboi joined the air force, gets ‘military married to’ her, still sleeping around but he’s ‘absolutely dedicated and loyal’ to this girl. And this girl left all her damn friends behind bc every one was like ‘he’s not good.’
And. well. he’s not good.
Then as my sister tells me this story, she digs up the evidence of the vaguepost and shows me it.
Fuckboi has gone from kinda cute, kinda weird, kinda hot, to looking like he just got drafted and kinda weird-looking. (He has a damn clean shaven face and a buzzcut and i do not know this man and cannot believe that i previously was a partner of his)
Anyways, he’s in the Air Force now and still fucking around literally everywhere yet engaged to some girl he’s been dating for less than a year.
I’m still screaming about this. I don’t know who that man is anymore. It’s only been two years since his last girl (same one i was friend with) got sick of him and kicked him out and I’m becoming convinced that he can’t afford to live on his own without a girlfriend with a home because his parents went across the state so he keeps getting girlfriends to live with all the while still being a fuckboi.
And the Air Force.
It at least explains the box of flight simulator gear i had sitting in my dining room for three months.
ENGAGED.
HE’S 21.
WHAT ARE WE? cHILDREN?? TF ARE YOU ENGAGED FOR?
He hasn’t deleted me on snap yet and there’s a chance i could really fuck something up if i wanted to. But I’ll let this girl live in her deluded happiness with him until he messes around with my sister’s life again.
Also, suddenly remembering the time this boy told me I had a ‘bad boy complex’ because he was such a bad boy and that’s why i had feelings for him, not like he was a close person to me who i was sleeping with or anything.
Bad boy.
He called himself a bad boy.
Dude. You don’t know bad by a long shot and are literally a lawful citizen in EVERYTHING other than your cheating and that you can drive 90mph in a fucking prius. Just because you were sleeping with somebody who was 22 when you were 16 and drinking doesn’t mean you're a ‘bad boy’. (It wasn’t me, he was 18 when around me and STILL Boasting about that.)
He was a rich kid who came to the south part of town to sleep around more after his whole adventure there.
I can’t even with this kid.
#taks speaks#i swear. i can't even say i saw this development coming#it hit me like a damn truck on the freeway#anyways have a ramble pretending to be a storytime
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A Long List of Trash Fire Lord Zuko Headcanons
...that i couldn't get out of my head:
(warning: SUPER LONG POST i havent figured out how to trim posts yet)
he's the one who unchains azula despite iroh's protests. she doesn't even try to fight him, just cries into his shoulder and keeps mumbling about how father's going to be so disappointed in her. he takes her to her rooms and has her drink a sleeping draught, then stations the best guards he has left outside her chambers.
his first council meeting takes place literally a day after sozin's comet. he hobbles into the council chamber shirtless with his entire torso covered in bandages and every council member just looks at him like '...what'
he does NOT sleep for like,,a week after sozin's comet and then another two weeks after his coronation. katara, aang and suki try to persuade him to sleep and he doesn't listen. eventually sokka, toph and mai team up to literally drag his ass to bed and tell him he's not allowed to get up until he sleeps (does mai pin him to the bed with her knives? yes. is it kinky or sexual in any way? definitely not.)
he drinks So. Much. Tea. at this point it's practically tasteless to him but he drinks it anyway because he just needs something to do and tea is something familiar. he keeps iroh on his toes because he's constantly asking for new tea blends, uncle, i think i actually tasted the last one,
he flat-out refuses to grow his hair for at least a year after ozai's defeat. the second it starts getting close to his chin he shears it off himself, with his knife, and his stylist has a heart attack every single time
when he's tired he'll occasionally jump up when one of his guards moves. it stops after a bit, but for the first month and a half or so he's really twitchy. when sokka asks, the only explanation he can come up with is that he's not used to having people stand behind him silently and not want to kill him, much less want to protect him (sokka immediately takes him out for a shopping trip and makes a point of walking behind him the entire time, but only on zuko's right side, where he can clearly see it if sokka moves towards him)
when the healer declares azula mentally unstable and in need of an institution, he shuts himself in his office for the rest of the night. no one's allowed in, not even iroh. he finally emerges in the morning, eyes red from crying and sleep deprivation, and tells the librarian that he'd like a list of the best mental institutions in the country, please, the best in the world if you can get them
he loves theatre (is this even a headcanon?). unfortunately it practically died out in the fire nation along with the rest of the creative arts, leaving nothing but small troupes like the ember island players. one of zuko's personal goals (meaning things he wants to accomplish that aren't as important as restoring his country) is to bring back theatre; he finally manages to do it after about eight months or so of being fire lord, along with other arts like dancing, music and sculpture
he establishes a national day of mourning, on the first day of autumn every year, to commemorate the genocide of the air nomads. from 100AG onwards, every calendar printed in the fire nation has it marked. at first it was called the day of repentance, but aang persuaded him to have it changed (by arguing that he didn't want guilt to be a literal staple of fire nation culture)
he introduces literally So Many educational reforms, plus a mandatory class that teaches students about the cultures of the other nations (air nomads included) and how some of their traditions overlap
he turns down the offer of having a statue put up of him in the capital. toph ignores him and does it anyway.
he visits azula regularly, makes sure she's (relatively) comfortable and well-fed, and sometimes just sits down outside her door and tells her about everything that's going on right now ('some of the far colonies have developed their own standardised writing, azula, you wouldn't believe it, and i've asked the fire sages to come visit more often—but you never liked them, did you? oh, well; i'll make sure none of them go into your chambers by mistake')
(he doesn't know it, but when he does this azula sits by the door and listens. she wonders what kind of writing the colonists have developed, and whether or not the fire sages have taken on some new recruits.)
he hates being above anyone else. never sits in the throne if he can help it, nor does he sit on the dais in the council room. when he talks to people shorter than him, he finds himself stooping a little bit to talk to them on their level (the exception to this rule is sokka, who he mocks for being shorter all the way up until sokka grows taller than him, the bastard)
the first time he visits the earth kingdom, the earth king's ministers call a toast. he ends up being the only one who has to sit out, because he's too young to drink by earth kingdom law
once his servants figure out he won't kill them for talking to him, they start becoming a lot more bold, telling him off when he doesn't take care of himself. at one point, they force him to let them take care of him so much that he literally just bolts into the gardens and hides there until the staff rope in mai and ty lee
when he needs to escape, he does one of two things: (a) he dresses up as the blue spirit and does some parkour until he calms down, or (b) he goes to work at the jasmine dragon. (b) happens less often bc the jasmine dragon's in ba sing se, but there's been a few memorable incidents when an earth kingdom diplomat walks in and yells, 'LEE?!' when they see the fire lord
the first court artist who draws him also happens to be the one who drew azulon and ozai. he draws zuko without his scar. zuko takes one look at it and tells him, very calmly, that he'd like him to leave, please.
zuko burns the portrait. he doesn't fire the court artist, but he never calls on him again unless he has to. a second court artist is called, and can't help but be a bit confused when the fire lord tells him to be sure to include the scar
he forgets the crown. a lot. sometimes he walks into council meetings in his sleepwear with his hair tied up in a messy ponytail and a bunch of scrolls tucked under his arm. none of his councilmen have the guts (or the heart) to tell him that this is not, in fact, formal council wear
he goes to feed the turtleducks when he's stressed. he thinks he's being subtle. he's not. the entire palace knows, and they consciously give him space when they see him in the turtleduck garden
most of his staff are older than him, so they look at him and see this teeny tiny fire lord who is So Small and who Must Be Protected. the day after zuko's coronation, the head chef holds a meeting where they commence Operation Do-Not-Let-That-Boy-Turn-Out-Like-His-Father (subsection He's-The-Only-Good-Thing-We-Have)
one night he wakes up to find suki sitting in his room, decked out in full kyoshi warrior garb and makeup, and just about screams blue murder. suki tells him there are suspicions of an assassin in the palace, and would you please stop yelling it's very distracting, we won't be able to hear anyone coming over that racket
zuko gets very, very paranoid of random spirits after that. yeah, suki looks like a possibly malevolent spirit when she's wearing her makeup, what about it? (when he tells sokka he's highkey terrified of spirit shenanigans, sokka just looks at him and says, 'man, the stories i could tell...', and THAT'S when zuko remembers sokka spent like six months more than he did travelling with the avatar)
on his first visit to the southern water tribe, he removes his boots and leg guards, rolls up his pants and kneels barefoot in the snow. even though chief hakoda immediately starts trying to pull him up, he's stubborn as hell and stays kneeling for the entirety of his very long, very sincere apology-on-behalf-of-the-fire-nation speech. he nearly loses his toes to frostbite after that, and both sokka and katara never stop giving him shit for it
the first time he grows a 'beard' is completely accidental. he's stressed over some trade miscommunications with chief hakoda, hasn't slept in a few days...and then when sokka arrives as water tribe ambassador to help smooth things over, he takes one look at zuko and says 'man, facial hair does not suit you'
zuko: facial what now
he checks a mirror to find that he's got stubble covering his chin, dark enough that it almost looks intentional, and holy gods how the fuck did he not notice this before
'UNCLE WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME' 'i assumed you were doing it on purpose' 'WHEN HAVE I EVER DONE ANYTHING ON PURPOSE'
he shaves it all off immediately, of course, which prompts a lot of teasing and rib-poking from sokka until zuko finally snaps that he's scared it'll make him look like his father. sokka stops after that.
(the day after sokka leaves, zuko finds that a mysterious someone has scribbled all over ozai's royal portrait, giving him a frankly ridiculous beard and moustache that literally CANNOT be grown in real life. oddly enough, he can't bring himself to care about the defamation of royal property. he's too busy laughing.)
his paths cross with toph and sokka more than any of the others, because sokka is ambassador and toph is technically still a beifong. most of the time, at formal functions, he ends up sequestered in the corner with toph and a hoard of snacks, and they talk and swear much more than they usually do (zuko's ministers once heard him when he was drunk with toph, and the servants swear the older ministers' ears started bleeding)
he restores fire nation cultural festivals, and in doing so subjects himself to learning a lot of complicated dances
during one memorable week, he wrote so many letters and drafted so much legislation that he ran out of paper. he had to go visit the nearest school and ask for some
he keeps up with his firebending and sword training even though it's hard to fit into his schedule. his ministers refrain from reminding him that he has guards to protect him now; it's still hard for zuko to trust his safety with anyone but himself (team avatar is the exception).
he started sleepwalking about two months into his reign. no one knew why. one time, he nearly sleepwalked right off the edge of a balcony, and one of his guards had to grab him by the back of his robes.
the sleepwalking stopped after around a month and never happened again. at this point it's practically palace legend.
after freeing the war prisoners, he went around collecting every single earthbender-proof wooden cell he could find in the capital and surrounding areas. when he'd gotten most of them, he gathered them into a huge pile in the city square and set fire to them with his own hands.
unfortunately he couldn't do that with the waterbender metal cells but he did get toph to come in and bend them all into pretty shapes (well, toph thought they were pretty shapes. everyone else thinks they're meaningless squiggles)
he learned how to write with both hands at the same time out of sheer necessity (he refused scribes until it became clear that he'd be putting some people out of a job; that was when he started letting scribes write very, very minor things, but all important documents/drafts/letters are still written by him)
he once put the wet end of an ink brush in his mouth instead of the wooden end by mistake. didn't even realise until he bit down to keep it in place and ink went oozing everywhere
when his guards rushed in to find him coughing and spluttering black liquid all over his desk they thought he'd been poisoned but no he's just stupid
on his 17th birthday, his first one after being crowned, he got tackled by team avatar in the middle of the ballroom and ended up at the bottom of a cuddlepile for like ten minutes
this cuddlepile happened at an event that was very much public and very much formal. it was a scandal for weeks
just. fire lord zuko, guys. so much potential
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Diavolo- True Form
Whoooooooo weeeee! ‘Pologies for the wait on these longer posts. I’ve been hit with a one two punch of house emergencies and sudden costly ass repairs, so my creative juices have been rightly squashed as of late.
Plus side I got my drawing tablet and drafting table back so I can neaten up my blog lay out now (yay!)
Anyway this one was a challenge in the best possible ways. I really like Diavolo because of how little we know about him so it gave me some wiggle room. Or at least what I know of him- im only on like chapter 23 of the stories. Idk if I did him justice as this is angsty af but I sure had a blast writing it!
Hope ya like! Next up: Beelzebub
Trigger warning: Mention of blood, and swearing.
Diavolo-
He'll never show you, so don't ask. His true form is god-like in its own right and such knowledge, such truly raw demonic power in its natural form is not for your mortal eyes.
No matter what your lineage, it would break you. And despite his roles and being the literal devil, he doesn’t want you suffering.
Sometimes when he thinks you wouldn't notice he relaxes his hold on reality, just a fraction. He wants to relieve some of the tension that is always building just below the surface. Like closing your eyes when you have a tension headache. The mental energy he has to exert to keep face is enormous. Regular glamour doesn’t work nearly as well as his own, or Barbato’s magic.
But you see hints during your downtime spent in his company. A ripple in his reflection on the window pane. Unexplainable shadows dancing across his exposed skin. Too many teeth in his mouth when he laughs. Sometimes when you stare into his eyes you see something indescribable staring back behind them. His usually warm and inviting gaze darkening. A barest flicker, a hulking bestial thing kept locked behind in his golden gaze. It's enough to freeze the blood in your veins.
On certain nights when you can slip away from the brothers you stay in his room. Lying awake, you watch his magic wane and shift as he slumbers. Sometimes you see runes, or at times letters. You are tempted to write them down and ask Solomon. But something stops you each time.
The worst images are the faces. Unknown souls trapped beneath his flesh clawing to be freed. Silent screams fading back into his body as he dreams. Your fragile fingers trace the patterns they leave as you wait for the next day wrapped in his embrace.
Only once have you seen more of his form then he would ever wish. The depths of his strength and mental fortitude were unknown to you so the slip up took you both by surprise. He masks the error well, but the sudden shift in energy in the room couldn’t be suppressed .
You are suddenly so aware of the oppressive weight of gravity on your frame. Your bones grinding together under the force of his aura. You panic, desperate by the need to breathe, but are unable to draw even the smallest bit of oxygen as it is robbed from the room. Time and reality wrapped too, distorting in ways only you thought only Barbatos could do. You knew in that moment the sudden dread of death, how mortally was but a rusty shackle tethering you down.
He collects himself, dispelling the energy and locking his glamour down tight to protect you. But that split second of fury felt like an eternity to you as you sink to the floor. You hiccup a shaky sob and shiver. Your fragile human mind bowing under the strain of what it cannot comprehend. Scolding hot tears fall from your cheeks, before splashing crimson the stone below you.
You didn't approach him again for over a month. No matter how strong you are, some things were better off unseen.
Mini Fic
He didn’t know. For once in his ancient pitiful existence, he had been unaware of his surroundings. It had been for just a moment, one tiny crack in his veneer. The foolishness of Mammon and Belphegor’s actions finally poked the right nerve. He wouldn’t hurt them, for Lucifer’s sake. That prideful demon would never forgive him if he did. But he could scare them. A quick look at his true self; a flash of the deepest bowels of hell. Enough to give them a reminder of their positions and standing in his court. He had expected their whimpers of fear, could taste the acidic tinge of it exuding from their pores. What he didn’t expect though was your blood curdling screams alongside.
Ironically, he would have to thank the second eldest later. His fast thinking is the only thing that saved you from complete damnation. His body shielded yours, taking the brunt of the stronger daemons hellish might for you. What little magic Mammon still had left used to protect you. Though, while your vision was blocked, you could still feel his oppressive presence. It racked your mortal flesh. Diavolo knew what affects his power had on humans. He spent years breaking and consuming damned souls with zeal after all.
The brothers had run from him after that, screaming for Simone. Barbatos following close behind, a look of consternation on his usually impassive face. You had been so limp in Mammon's arms. Diavolo could do nothing, shocked by his own weak will and realization that he might have ruined everything. You had been whisked away so quickly by his faithful servant and the brothers that he hadn’t had a chance to look you over himself. But the brief moment he saw will haunt him for years to come. Your eyes red from the sudden haemolacria, the blood staining your clothes and face. Your fingers digging away at your soft skin, black and purple blotches staining what he could see. Mouth opened wide on a silent scream. He knew what you must have seen. The souls of the damned trapped under his glamour breaking free to latch on to your unmarred soul trying to drag you back with them.
Against his butler's advice he stands at your door now days later trying to see you. He couldn’t sit around and just hear updates second hand. The brothers had been keeping guard most days in a valiant attempt to keep him away. But he could only be waylaid for so long before he used his rank against them.
He had arranged a full council meeting. Every one of the brothers knowing full well it was to get them out of his way. Yet, the order was absolute. This time none of the brothers could reject it. Barbatos would keep them in that room for eternity if he so wished for it. He hated using his age and power against them, but he saw no other way to get to you.
It was foolish now, standing as he was in front of your door. A part of him hoping you would turn the knob and let him in. Let him comfort you for once, instead of the asinine distractions the brothers offered. He could help too. Hells, he wanted to. He wanted to be closer to you. Power discrepancy be damned. The other part of him knowing it was for the best that you didn’t. Your guardian and tormentor all in one. He listens to your muffled sobs for a moment fighting with his feet to stay cemented to the floor instead of heading back in defeat.
"When my father was still around he took me down to the deepest depths of the kingdom. Where the worst of the traitors and sinners are imprisoned." His deep baritone rumbles through your door during a break in your crying. "It’s a place few seldom go; even now I have yet to return. Back then he told me ‘there will never be a human soul that is undeserving of punishment. Even the ones destined for the celestial realm are tethered to sin.’ At that time I believed him. The things I saw in your realm... " The prince chuckles wearily.
He remembers the ever present scowl on the old King's face. His dark eyes looking out at the sea of damned souls he controlled. Even as a young daemon, fresh into his wings and still sharpening his horns to impress others he could tell how much his father detested his position. How it had warped him, turning him bitter and cold, even to his mate and only child.
Diavolo never wanted to be like that. Not to the ones he supposedly cared for at the very least. "I think that is why he hated the other realms so much.” He continued. “Humans, for their ability to choose which realm they would eventually end up in after they pass. That even the worst sinners could find redemption enough at the last moment to get to the pearly gates. While daemons, no matter how well they served, or the duties they did for the good of their own would never be seen as equals to our celestial counterparts or yours. That this existence is all we'll ever be destined to have. Nightmares and monsters, stories to tell little human children to keep them in line.” He pauses, collecting himself. “I believed wholeheartedly that every human deserved the punishments only my kind could dowel out. But, in this past year I have spent with you, I find myself changing. You are so undeserving of such torment. Somehow you are understanding and forgiving beyond measure to us. You handle our ill tempers with such grace. For daemons such as us, it is staggering, and humbling. I regret that I have hurt you so deeply and have broken your trust. I swear it as the head of this realm I would never intentionally do so." He looks at the door handle willing it to open. " I am so sorry."
Your crying picks up again. Huge heaving sobs that rattle your chest. Great Father, he just keeps making it worse. Clearing his head Diavolo turns.
Rejection of this nature was new to him. No one had ever dared to ignore him, especially such as this. The royal in him- his father's blood- seethed that he would even stoop so low as to grovel to a short lived thing like yourself. Even deeper yet, it demanded another taste of your essences. You little soul kept safe behind your rib cage. He wanted it added to his collection, kept tucked away deep within his maws.
It was sick; it was wrong. He chokes on the idea. The intrusive thought burrowing deep. How deplorable was he? Perhaps the angels were right to keep him out of heaven.
You didn't show to class the following day, or the days after. Unsurprising to him and the seven of the inner council. He figured the other day wouldn’t change anything. But it was utter agony to him. These days trapped in his office only getting short and curt updates on your health from Lucifer. It had been a special kind of torment.
Today he sat once again at his desk staring at some godforsaken bitching of a royal cousin. He knew this whelp. Some backwater thrice removed eons ago. Yet he was demanding an audience? The gall. The ink of their eligible handwriting makes him cross eyed. Would this day ever cease? He looks to his hourglass, the sands within seemingly frozen in time.
"My Lord, perhaps you should take a moment to stretch your legs?" Barbatos moved from his corner. Gloved hand coming to rest on top of the same three lines he had been reading for the past two hours. "This work could wait another evening I’m certain ."
"Did I do the right thing my friend?" Diavolo doesn't even bother answering the question his servant posed. They both knew he wouldn't. "This program. Our human exchange students. Solomon is one thing, but-"
"Your will and path is absolute." Barbatos states. "There are no mistakes within you, merely stumblings onto different paths."
With a gentle push Barbatos moves the hulking demon out of his way to collect and organize the scrolls and letters scattered about the large desk. "You made the right choice bringing them here. Look at what they have done. They are entertainment to you are they not?"
The prince rose knocking his desk aside and descended on his butler. His true form out in all its unholy glory now. His highly condensed magic distorting the study as if he was a black hole. The axis of the room shifts. His priceless collection of books and toys disintegrating from the cold radiation he emits.
It was all for show really. There was nothing he could do to an ancient being such as Barbatos. So he lashed out, throwing a tantrum in the security of his office. The hopeless agitation he felt fueling the flames of his rage. His butler had only added holy water to his already festering wounds.
Barbatos had been by his side for time in memoriam. The crafty bastard had helped raise him. Had shaped him into the ruler he was today. If anyone could break and remold him it would be his oldest companion.
The dark haired daemon waited for the waves of agitation to dry up. Moving only when the prince was in his more presentable demonic form. Large barrel chest heaving as he reined himself in. “Are you back to your senses?” He asks coolly, already categorizing the items to replace and furniture to be mended.
"I had not meant for it to go like this." Diavolo croaks into his hands collapsing back on what remained of his desk. Building a bridge between realms, yes. That noble idea was the greater purpose of this program, but the rest of it. The classes, and dances. The parties where he threw his newest toys about to see how they would react to things other mortals worshiped? That had been for his own curiosity and amusement. Lesser beings navigating a foreign world blind to the dangers that were right under their very nose. Bring a mortal with no magic into his realm? Deep down he knew this was an inevitability. Especially with the freedoms he granted them. He just didn’t think he would get so attached.
“No one believes that you would hurt them on purpose.” His butler cuts off his downward spiral. “It would ruin the program. That is what you are so stressed about, right?” Barbatos eyes him skeptically. Diavolo, himself, and Lucifer had spent many sleepless weeks constructing and negotiating this program. If the Arch Angels heard a mortal was hurt down here it could very well end this little escapade. But the look in the prince’s eyes told a different story.
A warm glow emanated from his cheeks and he was unable to meet the old daemon’s gaze. Ah. "Or perhaps things have changed?" Barbatos smiles coyly up from beneath his bangs. "You are your mother's son after all. Neither of you were ever able to stem your bleeding hearts for long." Diavolo squawked indignantly but didn’t argue. Instead he merely turns a darker shade of red and curses under his breath.
He skipped out on court that evening. Not that he cared much. The other nobles would no doubt use the time to gossip about his whereabouts and uncouth behavior of late. Truth be told, he was avoiding the brothers more than anything else. They had made it expressly clear (some more then others) how they felt about him currently. He wouldn't doubt that Belphegor had a few more brothers on his side now.
Instead he stood at your door once more with a tea tray in hand. He had bumped into Simone on the way. The angel had come to bring you dinner and to check up on the last of your wounds. Celestial magic worked miracles on those who have been touched by the darker arts. Diavolo was grateful for his talents. And, by some miracle, Simone had made it abundantly clear he was not going to bring this to the higher ups on his end either.
Upon seeing the prince slinking up the house's stairwell the other man had simply smiled and offered him the tray. “I suddenly got a message from Luke. Could you perhaps drop this by our friend’s door?” Diavolo had accepted without preamble, large hands dwarfing the platter of little tea cakes and sandwiches. The young cherubs work no doubt. His cooking was a fine treat, and a great incentive to at least open the door.
“Hello again.” He knocks twice. “I just wanted to check in on you. I know I am the last person you wish to see but I was hoping to talk?” Silence greets him. Were you awake? He breathes deeply and focuses on picking up your vitals. You were up, your heart thumping steady somewhere in the room. That was good. “I also have dinner for you. Simone had an urgent matter to attend to so he- for better or worse- entrusted this to me.”
Diavolo searches hopelessly for something else to say. He couldn’t just leave the food and go. He needed to see you. “I don’t plan on staying long today. I understand when I am not wanted, but I cannot help myself but be worried for you. Perhaps this is just me contritioning, because I know I caused this. The amount of times I have been called a ‘ass’ by Solomon over this have been staggering.” He rambles. After another bout of silence from your end he coincides. “I see- I will leave the food by the door and let you rest.” Defeated he puts the food down and turns to leave.
The door clicks open slowly. One bloodshot eye peeking through the crack. “Oh mio piccolo mortale.” He loses his grip on your shared tongue at a loss. You looked- you must have been in the hall longer then he or the brothers had known. Such damage couldn’t be done in a few moments. Your skin was healing as nicely as Lucifer had said, but the deep purple scarring still remained on the surface. The burn pattern of it all was random. Twisting wounds that reflected an oily sheen from the light of the hallway. “I-.”
“I know-” You cut him off with a raised hand. “and I feel as though I owe you an apology too.” Your voice was so weak and shaky. A mockery of your normally strong and jovial tone. Hearing you laugh at school had brightened the dreary halls. He hadn’t realized it until you weren't there.
“You owe me nothing.” Diavolo says in earnest. He watches you contemplate your next words before throwing whatever you were going to say away.
“Would you like to come in?” Your eyes drop to the tray. “Luke always makes more than I can eat.”
“I don’t think that would be wise.” He backs out. All his plans crashing and burning around his feet. His actions had been irreparable.
“Perhaps not,” You open the door wider taking the tray and heading to your side table, leaving him no room to argue. “But then again, being a lamb among such wolves as yourself and the brothers isn’t smart either.” You meant it as a joke but he couldn’t even muster a chuckle. It was true. Gods. “Dia-” You approach him again but falter at the last second.
As much as you wanted to be close to him again the memories were still so fresh in your mind. The cold hell fire of his magic ensnaring you, searing your skin. The whispered words of sinners long since past still echoing in your head, all in languages you’ve never heard before. The worst though had to be the screaming. Lost souls begging for help. Some sounded so familiar…You shutter involuntarily.
You wanted to hate him for this. Curse him for putting you through this pain. But how much could you blame him? Or any of them? They were daemons. Whether he meant to hurt you or not, it truly had only been a matter of time before it happened. It would be hypocritical of you to fear or hate him forever over this. Six of the seven brothers have threatened your life before, and you have forgiven them. Hell, one of them actually killed you. What’s more was that Diavolo’s wrath hadn’t even been directed at you.
Wrong place at the right time; seemed to be your forte. “Please, come in.” You repeat again firmer than before mustering up either courage or sheer human stupidity to order him in. You couldn’t tell the difference anymore. “We need to talk.”
He enters, following at your heel like a lost puppy. All air of princedom gone as you clicked the door shut. Diavolo fiddles with his hands, old habits from childhood coming with his nerves. He didn’t know what to expect anymore. Yelling? Some kind of beratement? A plea to go home and never look back? He would let you.
You pass by him, giving him a large berth of space to get to your seat. “Tea?”
Diavolo jerks his head to you. He had forgotten momentarily the plate of food he had used to get access to you. You smile sheepishly pushing it and a plate of sweets towards him with your unbandaged knuckles. He doesn’t move till your hand retracts back to your lap. You jerk your head to the open seat waiting for him. You weren’t going to take no for an answer.
“I- thank you.” The daemon sits making himself as small as possible in the straight back chair. He takes the porcelain and drinks mindlessly. The scalding hot tea doing little to help the tightness of his throat, but it did thaw some of the ice in his mind.
“Are-how…” He fumbles so unsure of what to do next. “I see you’ve been keeping up with your school work.” Diavolo closes his eyes, wincing internally at his words. That’s what he comes up with? Idiotic.
You smile anyway, eyeing the massive pile of books and paperwork spewn about your bed. “Yeah. I’ve taken to doing my school work with Levi in his room. Mammon and Beel are nice enough to drop it off to the teachers when they are due.” He nods. He knew this of course. But it was nice to hear it from you. But yet, you don’t meet his eyes. Far too afraid to see what hid behind them.
The thought of being dragged back into those dark depths again makes your pulse quicken. You instead stare at your nail beds, finding them more interesting. They were purple now. The nails stained black by the contact with his magic. “Will- will that go away?” He asks. Demonic curses or taints were nigh impossible to remove fully. Disgustingly, he hoped they didn’t. Then your nails would match his. The darker depths of his soul coo at the idea, happy that in a small way every daemon would know your his. Not as good as a pact, but as close as he could get to being a part of your little mortal life.
“I’m not sure.” You reply honestly bringing your hands up to place them on the table. “Simone and Solomon have done what they could. But, it is as good as it’s going to get for now. They say it could fade with time.” You look up at him, eyes gazing to the left of his face. “Luke thinks I should see a stronger angel.” Diavolo winces, the thought stung, and terrified him. “I told him no.”
That surprised him. This was your chance. The celestial realm had been skeptical from the beginning. If they knew, it would be a perfect caveat for them to step in. “Why?” Finally you look at him. The fear was still there. Hesitation evident in your eyes. Yet you forced yourself to look at him, fighting through your trepidation.
“Did you mean what you said earlier? About your father and what you think of me?”
“Of course.” He replies without hesitation reaching for your cold hands. You flinch but don’t move away. It felt-nice. His warmth chasing away the perpetual chill that covered your fingertips. Idly you stroke his strong hands with your thumbs.
“Then, I think we can work on this privately.” Slowly but surely you felt like you could fix this. Not for the program, but for yourself.
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how does txt text? (v realistic and accurate)
txt as gen z boys you started texting over quarantine😔💔
a/n: this has been sitting in my drafts for so long... it’s literally so bad but i thought i was kind of funny LOLLL💀💀 it’s not like what i usually write but hope it’s at least a bit enjoyable !! (also tysm for 100+ followers !!!!!!! teehee<333333)
warnings: some swearing, overuse of emojis, dated trends bc i wrote this three months ago LOL
yeonjun:
honestly ??? seems like a dry texter ... doesn’t reread his texts so sometimes they come out confusing even though he keeps spell check on, also never sends a text with more than ten words
lowkey dad texter if you’re not having an actual conversation ... lots of ‘k’, ‘thx’, ‘👍’, ‘idc/k’ and ‘lol’ ... also uses 💯, 😂 and ❤️ unironically 😔😔😔
also ‘???’
NOTORIOUS FOR BEING THAT GUY WHO JUST SAYS ‘hey’ WHEN YOU HAVENT TALKED IN LIKE TWO DAYS LMAO
you can never read how he’s feeling over text but sometimes he’ll sprinkle in a :) or a ;)) just to keep you on your toes
either no punctuation at all or an unnecessary overuse of punctuation ... if there is punctuation it?s , bad punctuation . ???????!!??~~~~ which is how most of his texts transfer emotions i guess ?? lol
he’s only like this because he genuinely sees texting as a quick last resort type of communication...
if you want to talk with him just give him a call... he prefers to hear your voice anyways🥺
soobin:
standard gen z texter, has good spelling, keeps his letters all lowercase for no reason other than because he thinks it looks nice ?? turns caps lock on for when he feels scandalized
texts like a bisexual......... u know with a ‘ !!’ or ‘ ??’ at the end...(the space between the last word and the punctuation is the most important part), uses a lot of ~~~~~ and ;;;;;;; and ^^ or >< too because he doesn’t want to sound monotone
‘lololol’ and ‘lolllllllllllll’.... also maybe ‘haha yeah’
super inconsistent when it comes to replying rip... like you’ll be able to hold a really good conversation for at most an hour and then he’ll leave you on delivered until the next day when he continues the conversation like nothing happened
only double texts when he needs to !! is a good boy and sends one longish text rather than a lot of short texts at once; good at paraphrasing, understands that not everyone views texting as a tool for conversation
looks like he’d be pretty good at using emojis, probably hip enough to use 😭😭😭 as a laughing emoji, also keyboard smashes
frequent user of this emoji as well: 😰
probably gets really lazy sometimes too so he ends up sending you a lot of voice memos
just overall extremely chaotic neutral
beomgyu:
seems the most normal/trendy texter imo😭
really great at using emojis... his best hits include: 😳, ✨, 🥰, 🤗 and 🥺 (ESPECIALLY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺), also is a frequent user of all the pink heart emojis most notably 💕, texting him is never boring and he does his best to come off nice !! and he can tone down how he texts too... versatile king
definitely calls yeonjun a boomer for using 😂
but he’s also probably on tiktok or smthn A LOT so if you’re close to him he’ll pull the: 👁👄👁, 😀, 🥴, 💀💀💀, 😻, 🤡, 🧍....... used ‘no❤️’ and also ‘🧚✨’ before it got annoying...
the one who sends you very obscure memes he finds off the internet as replies to your texts but they somehow always just work..... sth like those badly edited facebook memes or sth LMAOOOOOO😭😭
his one downfall: will definetly accidentally type out the wrong your/you’re... same with there/they’re/their and no matter how much it annoys you he really could not care less
i lied here’s another downfall: he’s SUPER bad with replying. leaves you on read accidentally a lot and it kinda hurts ngl💀
i lied again here’s one last downfall... even if he’s bad with replying he will not hesitate to text you to get your attention...... he does not give a single shit. if he needs you he’ll text each individual letter of H E L L O, also double texts if he’s excited but you let it slide because he’s cute😔
taehyun:
another good texter but maybe... too good.....
his spelling and grammar are on point... you will never ever catch him slipping. periods at the end of every sentence. him and hyuka are probably the only ones who still use auto capitalization
but something about his texting seems so robotic....... you find yourself honestly wondering if he’s being dry with you or if he’s just being super polite
it’s also definetly because he somehow always finds the perfectly specific emoji to include at the end of his message💀
and they’re always obscure ones too... he used the 🚏 emoji once when he told you he was ‘Waiting for the bus. 🚌🚏 Cannot wait you see you. 🤓’ and it made you go huh...
overall pretty articulate over text but when you’re acting a bit questionable his favourite emoji to use is simply 🤨 he also genuinely believes 🤓 is cute... like ok taehyun
lowkey dry texter so it’s somehow satisfying when he uses exclamation marks... it shows that he’s excited lol
he’s unpredictable and distinct... unique king
huening kai:
texting god.... but wbk
if gyu has bruh girl energy hyuka def has big hii girly! :) energy LMAOOOO
genuinely the sweetest texter, you can hear his voice and feel his energy through his messages🥺
takes the time to use the japanese emojis... (๑╹ω╹๑ ) it’s super duper adorable... some of his favourite emojis are 🤩, 😊, 🕺 and 🙈
but if it’s struggle hours you know he’s going 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
uses coloured heart emojis !! 🧡💛💚💙💛💜
definetly uses uwu and xD unironically but it’s really cute when he does it....
ofc >3< is his signature
uses ‘BAHAHAHAHA’ and ‘Hehehehee’ instead of just lol..... also an avid keyboard smasher esp if you are too (he’s never felt more alive than when using sksksksk was still a trend... emits highkey vsco girl energy on top of his hii girly energy lol)
another kid who overuses punctuation ???? but just to emphasize !!!!! his !!!!!!! point ,,,..,,,!!!!
sends you motivational texts throughout the day... ‘You’ve got this!!!!! (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾ I hope you have a good day today!!!!!!!!!(๑>◡<๑)💛💛💚’
tried to turn off auto capitalization but thought it made him come off as too aloof/impolite so he turned it back on😭😭 doesn’t have a problem when other people don’t use it though !!
#tag yourself i'm somewhere between soobin and hyuka LOLLL#txt scenarios#yeonjun scenarios#soobin scenarios#beomgyu scenarios#taehyun scenarios#hueningkai scenarios#txt texts#(?) i guess ??? LMAO#yeonjun#soobin#beomgyu#taehyun#hueningkai#also !!: i understand that koreas texting culture is obvs different from the west’s#but this is jus jokes🥺 pls dont come for me LOLLLLLLL#yeonjun texts#soobin texts#beomgyu texts#taehyun texts#hueningkai texts#tomorrow x together scenarios#tomorrow x together texts#also photos are fugly but this is a crack post so who cares BAHAHA
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My Future in Fic
Yeah, so, the 100k fic that I’ve been working on for the past six months? The one that was going to be uploaded to AO3 last week? Yeah, it’s accidentally getting published...
Where do I start?
I suppose with a massive thank you to anyone who’s clicked on any of my fics over these past two years. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. I never ever thought about writing as a career. I’ve never written anything prior to my Harry Potter AU Compartment 451. I didn’t even take an English class in undergrad or grad school. I genuinely just had an idea for a fic I wanted to read and since no one had written it, I had to do so myself. Since then, I’ve written every single day for 2 years. I left my job in the entertainment industry, got accepted to one of the best creative writing programs in the world on a scholarship, and now one of my stories is being considered at Harper Collins. Yes, the Harper Collins. It’s the longest shot in the world, but for legal reasons I was not allowed to upload the fic version on any website prior to submission. Even if they don’t pick it up, I’ve been advised to continue to shop it around to agents.
What I can do, however, is share the premise.
If you’ve been following my tumblr and watching my tags - I SEE YOU ALL OUT THERE - then you’ll know that this fic was meant to have Zayn with his signature undercut hairstyle and one more little thing...
Someone sent me an ask a while back about what this fic was supposed to be about. I believe I said something about it being an adaptation fic, but not from a film/tv show/other piece of literature, from a song. This next fic was meant to be an adaptation of the song Younger by Ruel. Later on, it also took shape with the help of Remember by Liam and a few others that you can find here.
The miniature summary is as follows:
When his father suddenly passes, twenty-nine-year-old Liam Payne is brought back to the Sydney suburbs where he grew up. He doesn’t plan on seeing his childhood best friend, Zayn Malik, at the burial service. They haven’t spoken since going from brothers to strangers one fateful day fifteen years prior. But Zayn puts an end to this when he approaches Liam after the burial, offering his condolences and asking if Liam can help his archaeological research team with photographing their newest project. The unexpected closeness forces each man to wade through uneasy emotions. For Liam, a mixture of grief, lost identity, and confusion over why he’s willing to interact with the one person he swore he’d never forgive. And for Zayn, a tidal wave of anxiety that comes from finally facing a part of himself he’s always chosen to deny. When We Were Younger is a story heavily rooted in blurred identities and exploring what loss can look like in two different scenarios: death and friendship.
For obvious reasons, their names will be changed. Liam, to Hutton. Zayn, to Cairo (his ethnicity will also be changed to Egyptian). As you can see, it was meant to be my big ‘enemies to lovers’ fic. Technically, it’s ‘best friends to enemies to lovers’, but you know.
Right, so what does this mean for me going forward?
I still have so much inspiration when it comes to writing Zayn and Liam as characters. I don’t plan on putting a complete stop to writing them, but with my career taking this large of a turn, I do have to prioritise my time. That said, as of now, I can’t afford to write long-form fic any longer.
Soon, I’ll be starting a PhD program where I’ll be writing another full-length novel for mass publication. For fun, here’s a little insight on the two ideas that I’ll be pitching:
1. Underground boxer (loosely based off Liam) falls in love with arms gang leader (loosely based off Zayn). Throughout their love story, the latter has to outrun the psychological trauma his father (the leader of Zayn’s rival gang) still throws his way.
2. Cold War AU. Paris, circa 1950/51. Ambassador’s son (loosely based off Liam) befriends new student (loosely based off Zayn) at the international school. Paris is a ticking time bomb; war is about to break out at literally any second. The two clearly have feelings for each other, but can’t act on them because homosexuality in the 1950s...yikes. When war does break out, the two are separated, and as Liam’s character goes out to find Zayn’s, he learns a secret of his that changes everything.
Whichever I don’t write for the PhD will be the novel I write following it.
In the meantime, I’m going to continue to write (and edit) like crazy. Ever since I randomly wrote C451, there hasn't been a day that’s gone by where I haven't written something. It may have only been a paragraph or two, but never zero. This is how you get better. This is the equivalent of going out and shooting free throws for 30 minutes a day. You have to put in the work in order to get better. I'm very lucky that I'm incredibly self-disciplined and I've been able to crank out as many stories as I have over the past 2 years.
That said, I’ll be writing shorter little oneshots. I have several ideas that I’ve been sitting on, but haven’t ever thought to write because I HATE writing short stories. Little ideas that don't have huge plotline/climax potential, but that I want to just see on paper, I'll probably end up writing. If I had to guess, I'd say they'll come out to around 10-15k. Also, sequels? Prequels? Haha, you never know...
I’ve also got a series called “Sleep Drabbles” that are, yes, you guessed it, a series of drabbles based around one theme: sleep. I also have a few scenes that I want to write which are based on ziam’s kids, not actually ziam themselves. If there’s enough demand for that, I can upload those too, but they’re quite niche, so I don’t think the general fandom would be very interested.
As far as frequency for all of this, I have no idea. I’ve always done things at my own pace and written stories that I want to write, for myself. That won’t ever change, so I don’t want to commit to one drabble a week or one short-length fic per month. It takes me weeks (months for this last fic) to research and interview the necessary people to get character arcs correct/believable. I love that part of writing, and so if I have a little story that I want to write that may only be 10k but takes me ages to put together how I want, then so be it. I will always be around to answer asks/messages and please, continue to tag me in your writing tag posts! But please, no prompts.
So, that’s my future with fic.
Again, I cannot say thank you enough to every single one of you. Every single thing that people tag me in (@malik-payne , @zqua1d , @zentiment , @liamisthesun , @redyellowberry I’m looking at you), I appreciate and love! The recommendation lists that people have put me on, THANK YOU! It’s wild to think that I used to look to rec lists for years and now I’m on them. @ziamfanfiction THANK YOU for always having my back with exposure! @paynefulperiods , my beloved beta reader, THANK YOU for always encouraging me and putting up with shit first drafts. @march-z5 , THANK YOU for always being on call for ideas and listening to me bang my head against the wall at 4 am.
Now, might fuck around and make a fake picspam for the fic that never was...
Also, all of the behind scenes pages for each of my fics are now public, so feel free to check those out here.
I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for making this journey possible. I know people say that a lot when they gain a following of any sort, but I truly truly mean it. You have to have talent in order to be an author, but you also have to have people who want to read your stuff. Proof of concept is a real thing.
So thank you a million times over.
Speak soon my friends.
#ziamhaze#my writing#ziam#ziam fanfic#ziam fanfiction#not sure what to tag this#also gonna be reblogging for a while bc I know people are going to be curious about where the next fic is and won't have seen this
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Love at first Sight
BTS!Twilight!Au & Supernatural!Au
Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader
Summary: Trying to be a good college student, you decide to study with your best friend in the universities library. But all it takes is one look at the bunny like boy to find your soulmate.
Warnings: FLUUUF, Jungkook trying to be patient with you but all he wants is for you to accept him and the imprint bond, angst, minor character death, Werewolf!Jungkook, BTS in general, reader nervous and trying to decide what’s right
W.C.: 4k
Notes: So, I have had this in my drafts for so long, and I was wanting to stick with the headcanons, but I was wanting to get this out so badly so I am doing just that. I will have Jungkook’s HC posted soon!!
Ever since you met Lisa Manoban at the age of sixteen, you entered the world of the supernatural. At first, you had no clue about the supernatural, even though you were friends with a vampire for a year, Lisa had kept her identity hidden from you. You were oblivious, never catching onto how she would stay up all night, not once being tired, how she was constantly cold, and how she had talked about history as if she lived in it. In your defense, you believed that she was a huge history geek.
But that was all washed away when you walked in on her sucking blood from a human. Looking back on it, the both of you laugh about the situation. But in that moment, you believed that you were somehow drugged on your way to her house. In honesty, you were very calm about the whole situation, minus the dead body on the ground fifteen feet away from you.
Two years later, you believe that you are a genius when it comes to the supernatural. Having a best friend who is a three-hundred-year-old vampire who has told you everything about the supernatural world is cool. Learning about demons, ghosts, werewolves, vampires, and even Gods is handy.
“Why can’t the dogs stay outside where they belong?” Your best friend, Lisa, groaned.
“Why are you even breathing? You don’t need to breathe,” you commented, not looking up from your textbook.
“Because I enjoy the smell of old books, but the dogs are tainting it with their wet dog smell,” she countered back, knowing that the werewolves themselves can hear her. A growl ripping through the air was a tell-tale sign that they did, only to be answered by a smirk from Lisa.
Lisa, in short, can be considered as a sadistic person because she loved messing with people, especially the wolves. You knew that she could defend herself, being alive for 300 years has given here plenty of experience to take care of herself.
“Can you stop tormenting the wolves and help me study?” You asked, looking up at her.
Pouting, “I guess.”
Movement from the other side of the room caught your attention. Looking over, your eyes were met with a pair of doe like eyes. That was when you felt like everything was put together – as if you found the one thing that you have been searching for your entire life.
“Oh, hell no,” you heard Lisa protest, standing up, collecting both of yours books, shaking you out of your trance.
The sound of a primal, possessive growl cut through the air, making a shiver of familiarity and want go down your spine. But then you also wanted to calm down them and make sure that they are okay.
“What’s going on? Why are we leaving?”
Before your questions could be answered, you felt a warm presence behind you. All you wanted to do was fall back into them, to be able to soak up their warmth and hide away in what you would consider to be home.
“Back away from my mate, blood sucker.” The person behind you demanded, leaving no room for questions.
“Blood sucker? Oh, that’s fucking rich.” Lisa gave out a sarcastic laugh, stepping around the table to get closer to the wolf that you have yet to put a name too.
Turning around, you were met with the one and only, Jeon Jungkook. You were at first confused on why he was so close to you, and even associating with you guys. But once his eyes met yours, you put the pieces together.
You are Jeon Jungkook’s imprint.
Lisa has told you stories about how only a select group of supernatural creatures have an imprint. She told you about how since the beginning of time, werewolves had a mate for life, or imprint, given to them. If that werewolf was rejected, then they were to become physically, mentally, and emotionally empty because they have lost their other half. In some rare cases, they die from depression. Nothing, no one, could heal them and bring them back to normal. They literally cannot move on.
“That is why I am very happy that vampires do not have an imprint because I’d rather die than be rejected by the one person I am made for,” Lisa admitted.
That is why he called you his mate, you added.
That is why you were in that trance.
Oh shit. Mentally you are face palming yourself for being slow.
Standing up from your chair, you stepped in between the two angry supernatural beings.
“Hold on,” you began.
“There’s no holding on. He just called me a fucking blood sucker.” Lisa practically screamed, hating that title.
“Lisa,” you said calmly, knowing how to handle her. “Go wait for me outside and we can go back to my place and study, okay?”
“You’re not going with her.” Jungkook jumped in, stepping closer to you.
Turning towards him, eyes narrowed. “And you do not have the ability, or say, or right, to tell me what I can and cannot do.” Your voice was stern, showing where you draw the line. Even though the look of hurt and defeat on his face made your heart clench sadly, you were not going to allow yourself to be in a position where you were bossed around.
“But she’s dangerous,” Jungkook tried to reason, desperateness evident his voice, both his inner wolf and him dreading the thought of you leaving with the vampire girl.
A scoff from Lisa confirmed that she did not go outside like you asked her too. “And you’re not?”
“She’s my imprint,” Jungkook growled, eyes turning to an almost charcoal black, hands shaking from anger.
Not knowing what to do, you stepped closer to Jungkook. Your actions seemed to have calmed him down slightly, and you could see movement behind him, alerting you that he has his pack behind him. “I know that I am your imprint, but that does not mean that you can tell me what I can and cannot do. I am going to leave with Lisa and that is final.”
Your words seemed to have broken him, and you could understand why because of how rejecting it sounded.
“You’re rejecting me?” He choked out, voice cracking and he looked so torn. The sight breaking your heart, something inside of you feels like it has died.
“No, but I need time to process this.” Your confirmation relaxed him and you, along with his pack who let out a breath that they have been holding this whole time.
Nodding his head reluctantly, he stepped away from you, something similar to a whine of sadness coming from his throat. Never has Jeon Jungkook felt so small in his life.
Giving him a sad smile, “Just give me time, please.”
“Okay, I can do that.”
*****************************************************************************
You have to admit, Jungkook does not give up.
He has allowed you time to think about it, but you did not realize how many classes you had with him. Jungkook and his friends were rumored to be a gang called BTS, Kim Namjoon being the supposed leader. And they were not the only ‘gang’ to be at the university. There was ‘GOT7,’ ‘Seventeen’ and even ‘NCT,’ which so happened to be friends with BTS. You knew of them, having seen them around campus, but never have talked to them, besides Jung Hoseok, Jungkook’s pack member. The two of you were lab partners in Astronomy last semester.
But ever since you found out that Jungkook was your mate, he began to show up to class now. Of course, he did show up every now and then, probably three times a week. Now, he is showing up everyday and is now sitting behind you. His presence both overwhelms you and brings you a sense of security. You can feel his stare on you in class and around campus. You know that he is close by when you get a tingly feeling in your chest, a tell tale sign that tells you that your imprint is near. The both of you have yet to talk because each time he approaches you, you freak out and run away, dragging Lisa with you. You know that your actions hurt him when you do this. The tightness and longing in your chest is a sign that Jungkook is hurting.
Every night you talk to Lisa about your situation. You have not put it off at all, something that you know that Jungkook is assuming that you are doing when Hoseok stopped you in the hallway. The thing is, you are terrified. You are terrified because you are nineteen with zero experience in the dating field. Being single your whole life is backfiring on you right now. You do not know what to expect or even know what to do. Plus, what if Jungkook is only feeling this way because you are his mate and he only wants to live? Is he just using you because you are his imprint, or does he seriously want to be with you and be committed?
Those questions earned you a slap from Lisa. “Dumbass, did you not listen to me when I explained to you how imprinting works? When a person imprints on someone, all that they see and want is them. Everyone else becomes irrelevant. Their loyalty stands with you, and their pack. Nothing and no one can break the bond that they have with you. It is said that the Moon Goddess herself made the bond not even break in death. Loyalty is the most important thing in the wolf world. I can bet my life that Jungkook is thinking about you right now. Well, I know he is because Kim Namjoon came up to me and asked me to talk to you, which is funny because he thinks that I haven’t, and gets you to talk to Jungkook. Supposedly Jungkook is acting like a scolded puppy and is pouting because you keep avoiding him.”
That is why you were not surprised when Jungkook cornered you one day (the day Lisa had to miss class) in the hallway. The distressed look on Jungkook’s face told you that he in fact is panicking. “I’m sorry, I know that I promised you that I would give you space, but I cannot stop thinking about you and needing to be in your presence. Both my wolf and I are freaking out. All we need is an answer, or at least a hint so we can calm down. I am so sorry for pressuring you.” He rushed out, leaning back to give you space. Running a hand through his hair, you could see how nervous he is.
“I’m sorry for being slow on getting back to you, I didn’t realize how badly this has been affecting you. I should’ve thought about that instead of being ignorant.”
Shaking his head violently, “No, no! Don’t apologize, I totally understand why you are taking a while. I just, my instincts were taking over because my wolf and I were needing to have some sort of contact with you to help calm down.”
“What fur color is your wolf?” You asked randomly, surprising Jungkook.
Smiling, “Black. Midnight black to be more specific,” he answered.
“That’s cool! Are you the only one with the fur color in your pack, or?”
“Yoongi-hyung has the same fur color, but his has a much darker tent than mine. Even though I have incredible sight, sometimes I can’t see him because of how well he blends in with his surroundings at night.”
“That’s really cool!” You boasted, becoming very intrigued with what you are learning about.
Jungkook flashed you a smile, making you smile back at him by how contagious it was. Clearing his throat, “So, uh, does this mean that like…”
“Yes,” you began, trying to calm your racing heart from the hopeful look on Jungkook’s face, “But, I don’t want to jump right into a relationship. I’ve never had a relationship before, and I don’t want to jump into one right yet.”
Trying to keep the sad look from showing, Jungkook still smiled brightly. “Of course! I don’t want you to be in a position where you feel uncomfortable.”
“Thanks for being understanding!”
And understanding he is.
After your guys talk, the both of you swapped phone numbers and even each other’s social media. Jungkook was determined to start a streak with you on snapchat and become your number one best friend on it, something you found funny. From then on out Jungkook became a constant in your life, a constant that Lisa does not like – mainly because she is not a fan of wolves. She, though, is happy to see how happy you have become, especially after your mother’s death. She could not deny how lovesick Jungkook is for you and how attentive he is with you. Her and the rest of BTS laugh with each other on how alert Jungkook becomes when you are doing something.
“Hey, I’m going to go and get some more ketchup.” You got up from the table and headed straight towards the counter that held the ketchup.
Lisa watched Jungkook stare at you as you walked off, never once taking his eyes off you. It was like a foreshadowing moment that Jungkook had – jumping up from his chair, he made his way towards you, tugging your arm towards him before you turned around and slipped in the puddle that was right below your feet. Lisa must admit that she did not even notice the puddle that was below your feet. Being a vampire, her eyesight and hearing are very advanced. So, seeing that Jungkook noticed it and prevented a scene of you falling, she could not deny the fondness that she is beginning to have towards the wolf.
But she believes that Jungkook has a sixth sense when it comes to you. And Jungkook does. The moment he woke up he could feel that there was something wrong with you. He does not know what, but the heavy feeling that him and his wolf felt was a sign that you were not okay.
And you are not.
Today marks the two-year death anniversary of your mom. Of course, everyday since that day has been hell, but knowing that two years ago, just a few hours before her death was the last time you got to hear her voice, feel her touch, and be with her. You hate yourself for not staying any longer with her, for not taking her with you when you had that ability.
You heard your phone buzzing like crazy, but you did not even bother with picking it up. All you did was stare at the wall in a void like state. You ignored Lisa’s knocking on your door, her calls, and worried voice. She knew what day this was, and she knew that it was going to be a difficult and long day. She was worried that you were going to relapse, worried that you will drift off into that dark place that took her months to get you out of.
That is why at 9:53 a.m. she was not that surprised to open the door to find a panicking Jeon Jungkook.
“Where is Y/N? Why is she not answering my calls?” He asked quickly, only to pause once he could sense that you were close. “What’s wrong with Y/N?”
The vampire sighed, “Jungkook, I hate that I have to say this, but Y/N may not want to see you right now. Today is a very bad day for her.”
“Please let me in.” Jungkook begged, distressed that he cannot comfort you. With that, the statement that Lisa said made Jungkook and his wolf even more distressed, if that was even possible. “I just need to be with her, help her. I won’t be able to live with myself if I didn’t.”
Running her hand down her face, Lisa sighed and allowed the wolf in after a few minutes of thinking. “Second door on the right, the door is unlocked.”
As if he was a dog chasing after a ball, Jungkook charged towards your door. Being cautious, he opened the door quietly, being met with the smell of regret, longing, and sadness. His wolf whimpered at the sight of their mate in such a depressed state. Walking in quietly, Jungkook took off his shoes and did the one thing that he knows that will work.
Lifting the covers, he caught your attention, “Jung—”
“-Hey,” he smiled at you, not believing that he was in front of a goddess. No matter what state you are in, you will always look beautiful in his eyes.
“Why are you here and not asleep? You usually wake up at 2 in the afternoon on the weekends?”
“I could sense something is wrong.”
“I-I’m okay,” you tried to lie, but the glassy look in your eyes was forming tears. Lip wobbling, “I’m not okay,” and that was when you felt yourself break down and seek out the comfort that only your imprint could give you. Throwing yourself into his hold, you gave up on trying to keep that barrier that you have created when it comes to physical contact with the wolf.
Jungkook had a million questions that he wanted to ask you, to find out who or what has hurt you. His wolf wanted to seek out the person who has hurt his mate, to kill or torture that person that dared to mess with his mate. Jungkook felt the primal need to do so, just to make you happy. But he wanted you to be okay first, to smile again, to be happy and yourself.
For the next hour, you relished in the comfort that only Jungkook could give you. With him holding you felt like a part of you felt better, but the knowledge that your mom is still gone and that she will not be back still haunts you. Jungkook could sense that, he could sense your distress and his wolf whimpered inside of him. Running his hands through your hair (something he has been wanting to do for three months now), he could tell that it is something that helps you calm down.
“My mother passed away two years ago today,” you began. Jungkook’s hold on you tightened, encouraging you to go on. “I should’ve taken her with me instead of leaving her there by myself. I should’ve dragged her with me instead of leaving her there at that stupid mall so she could get those dumb pair of shoes that she was waiting for. I tried to convince her to wait and get them later on, but she was adamant on getting them.” You gritted out, becoming angry at yourself. “And then there was a robbery during the sale, and she was…” and you clung onto him as if he was your lifeline, nose nuzzled into his neck, finding comfort in his natural, woodsy scent.
“It’s not your fault, Y/N. You did not know, it is not your fault that your mom died, and she knows that. Blaming yourself for something that was way out of control is going to continue to make you miserable and eventually will kill you.” Jungkook said after a while. “Please stop beating yourself up over this is leading you down that road.”
You did not say anything, but when you squeezed Jungkook tightly for a minute and then released, he knew that was you acknowledging what you said. For the rest of the day the two of you spent the day in your bed, holding onto one another, talking about anything and everything. Eventually the both of you fell asleep without noticing it. Waking up the next morning entangled with one another, it felt normal. It was as if this was normal.
You realized that Jungkook is permanent and that he is not leaving you, that he is not making this all for show. So, that is why you began to stop stressing and worrying. You allowed yourself to fall, and you fell.
Ever since that day, you and Jungkook became what you call closer. You began to become physically affectionate with him and accept his affectionate ways. Jungkook obviously did sit next to you, or at least be six feet away from you in the beginning because him and his wolf needed that sense of relaxation to know that you were nearby. Now, though, Jungkook and you are touching one another in some sort of way now, whether that be your arms touching, knees touching, or him standing very close to you. You did not mind this one bit, the feeling of his body warmth had you feeling safe.
In class, now, Jungkook sits beside you, kicking the class nerd, AJ, out of his spot. His actions resulted in the silent treatment from how rude he was to the scrawny kid. During class Jungkook would whine and basically paw at your arm, wanting you to forgive him. After class, he went up to AJ and apologized, well, tried too, which earned Jungkook a please smile from you.
The boy loves your praises and attention. But sometimes, he could not handle it when you and Lisa talk about guys right in front of him.
You were out with Lisa, Jungkook, and Jungkook’s pack, having dinner at the new restaurant in town. All of you were seated around the large, round table, you being sat in between Jungkook and Lisa. Jungkook had scooted his chair to where it made your chair and his almost like a two-seater, arm around your shoulder as he had you leaned into him. You, obviously, did not mind this, finding yourself relaxed into his body. The two of you were looking at the menu together, trying to figure out what you both would want.
“I think I’ll just stick with a salad as an appetizer and have chicken alfredo as my dinner,” you concluded, looking at Jungkook.
“That sounds good baby,” Jungkook agreed with what you wanted. “I’ll take Spicy Kimchi Stew,” Jungkook concluded after a few minutes later, finalizing what he wanted right before the waiter came to the table.
Lisa kicked your leg, catching your attention. Raising her eyebrows suggestively at you when you realized that she found the waiter cute. Giggling, you nodded in confirmation, not denying the waiter was cute. But they would never beat Jungkook in attractiveness in your opinion.
Not knowing that Jungkook watched the interaction between you and Lisa, a low predatory growl rumbled in Jungkook’s chest. Tightening his arms around you, he sat up straighter in his chair and glared daggers into the waiter, nerving the poor boy.
“Jungkook.” You scolded at his rudeness when he told the boy what you two would like.
Losing his composure, Jungkook frowned down at you, “What?” He asked, trying to play innocent.
“Don’t be rude,” you said, giving Jungkook a look.
Jungkook pouted, “I’m sorry,” he apologized, wanting to get back on your good side. He hates being scolded by you.
“It’s okay, Kookie. Just go easy on the poor lad, he did no harm.”
“But you thought he was cute,” Jungkook grumbled, taking a sip of his water, jealousy evident in his tone and body language.
Catching on to what he was saying, you giggled, finding his jealousy cute. Finding some confidence, “He has nothing on you.” A huge blush covered your face after you said that, “you have nothing to worry about.”
Jungkook was silent for a moment, body going stiff. You were nervous that you messed up, but those thoughts disappeared once you felt a pair of lips pressing to the side of your head and his arms pulling you closer (if possible) to his side, body trying to cover you with his. For the rest of the night, it felt as if you and Jungkook were on a new level. Jungkook was extra clingy and you were wanting Jungkook’s attention. You assume that your words had hit the both of you in a deeper meaning, a silent way of saying that you both belong to one another.
#jeon jungguk#bts jeon jungkook#jeon jungkook imagine#jeon jungkook reaction#jeon jungkook scenario#jeon jungkook fluff#jeon jungkook angst#jeon jungkook drabble#jeon jungkook x you#jeon jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook imprint au#jeon jungkook#bts imagine#bts reaction#bts imprint au#bts!twilight!au#bts fluff#bts drabble#bts scenarios#bts angst#namjoon#yoongi#hoseok#jimin#jin#taehyung#bts v#bts rm#bts suga#bts agust d
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S5 Ep12: Brand New Mokuba Just Dropped
My tumblr has decided that it can’t save drafts again. Which sure is a problem I keep having but no one else seems to have...but were back. Back and ready to talk about cards.
First off, lets address the best thing about this episode, it’s the return of The A Team animation team! Dunno if it’s the same ones that did the seasons before, but it is a pretty good team this episode, so there’s lots of that to look forward to. Everyone is now 2 feet taller (Kaiba is 4 feet taller) and there’s just some really nice shots going on. It’s not as shiny as other seasons, which makes me think it might be a different team or a different studio using a different method (you don’t really see them playing with line weights anymore which makes it seem like a different method to me) but still--it’s a nicer looking episode today.
So we start off this episode with Seto begging us all to forget the hell that just happened and just get on with it. Of course, no one’s gonna do that, because yo, what just happened was kind of weird.
And because there’s only like...I dunno...maybe 2 episodes left in this arc? (kind of a quick arc, honestly) Leon decides to do a complete personality reversal. Although, it’s really hard to do a reversal when you didn’t have a personality in the first place...so I guess this more Leon showing us A personality--and I’ll take it.
He’s a little jackass now, but it’s youknow...still Leon so it’s not really that bad. Like we deal with Seto on the reg, so I feel like Leon as a jackass is just like...well that’s just how you play cards in this universe.
Everyone speculates whether or not Seto actually did a crime, and a SURPRISING number of them said he did not! Weird! But hey...I’ve gone over a billion times before, their memory is like when you throw popcorn into the ocean--it just fffzt’s and then it’s gone.
Roland was THIS close to actually saving Kaiba corp a huge hassle for once. This Close, Roland. You almost did it.
(read more under the cut)
I love that Roland has decided to give all these teens maybe the uncoolest nicknames in the entire world, and the teens have not made any indication whether they do or do not appreciate their alliteration nicknames.
But despite the fact that although Roland uses these opportunities behind the microphone to embarrass them just SO MUCH, the Kaibas still persist in having him introduce most of the matches. It makes it feel like the Kaibas freakin love this. They love his Dad jokes. I cannot tell if they are like “yes, please embarrass my friends.” of it they’re like “yes. Roland that was so cool. Yeah Leaping Leon. Good one! You’re so cool!” Because they don’t know what fun is.
Also, look what I see in the sky.
Truly a sign that they have overcome their trauma of seasons 2-3.
Or maybe they had a lot of blimps laying around and this is a completely unrelated blimp? Either way, I’m glad they can still handle the sight of a blimp.
And then, just out of nowhere, Mokuba hit puberty.
Which I mean, it was inevitable. It was going to happen some day. Luckily, we will be getting a new Mokuba this episode to make up for the fact that this one has done A Flirt and it was probably a completely innocent turn of phrase he has no idea is a double entendre but do the writers know that?
And while we ruminate the decisions there, lets bask in the glory of purple staircase.
This is such a purple staircase!
On another, identical staircase walks Leon, who gets to have a discussion with Zigfried, who probably just stood next to the wall and just chameleon’ed in here without getting caught cuz coincidentally this staircase dresses like him.
Freakin Mai?
Anyway, lets start this duel where like...I dunno, it’s a little late to start stealing souls, but maybe Leon will do a stab? (He will not)
So glad the storyboarder is back to kind of flex. I don’t normally see Roland drawn with this much attention. Look at him go. That’s the stance a grown man takes when he’s ready to embarrass a bunch of teens.
Kaiba writes a speech introducing himself, or Roland just kinda made up a speech as if Kaiba hadn’t asked him to do that. Either way it’s kind of a big way to talk yourself up--but he is trying to talk up the theme park so people will actually like...go. So it makes sense.
Also what is this nonsense where people worldwide are watching a theme park opening match? Card culture is so weird because we’ve noticed in other seasons there are people that don’t play cards, and I feel like they’re not watching this for fun. It’s like when I watch news unfold--they’re watching to see if they have to raid the toilet paper aisle and the canned goods again to prepare for yet another onslaught of card nonsense.
Legit Mokuba was like “Look at my bro. Look at how he gave up dueling to throw this nice tourney for everyone!” and it’s like...Mokuba...he just dueled...Mokuba...he’s putting all the profits directly in your pockets this is hardly a martyr up here.
Seto Kaiba decided to inform the world that he would have won if he was actually playing and that was sure a statement he made after losing to Yugi like...3 times now? Several times.
Everyone else converses how Leon’s acting weird. I don’t know why they care all of a sudden, because no one acts normal playing this game, but the plot desires them to care.
Which is when we find out...
...the new Mokuba...
That’s right. He was a Mokuba the whole time. For once we haven’t abducted Mokuba, instead...we have too many Mokubas.
This Mokuba even has hella long hair, too. I imagine if Mokuba proper had a ponytail it would probably look just like this but black. It would have been just--so good if he whipped off that ribbon and shook out his hair and it fluffed into a horrible Mokuba mess, but you know, that’s one of the many reasons why I don’t write for this series. That and I was like in high School when this came out.
(Please admire Kaiba’s head of Security who looks like he’s about to drop a poop out of terror. It’s a really small detail, but I appreciate that the storyboarder had him kind of antsy in the background)
Seto insists that the only one to beat Yugi Muto will be himself and it’s like...I know. That’s why I keep expecting someone to get stabbed by this tiny purple haired Mokuba. But instead, Leon’s too busy feeling mad that he’s not necessarily playing the game for fun.
But he’s still playing the game though? so I feel like Yami doesn’t have many stones to throw here. Leon hasn’t even cheated yet. (As if Yami isn’t cheating basically all the time by being 2 people in one body)
I can’t BELIEVE this show would throw that at me after the number of times I have seen Yami Muto nearly murder other people (and sometimes literally do a murder) out of revenge. Yami is basically a revenge god...like...show...what? It’s season 5, I thought we’ve basically cemented this in. Occasionally the show will just be all “card games are supposed to be fun though!!!” and it’s like...these are the last children on Earth who are playing card games for fun.
If anything, it should be Leon lecturing them on how to have fun. They just murdered a Great Leviathan with cards. Before that they were dealing with Noah, with Marik, with Pegasus, with Bakura. The times that Yugi has just played a game for fun has been...This Arc.
So maybe Yami is just begging himself to have fun for once. Maybe he’s just mad that he can’t play a single tournament without someone getting possessed? Maybe his frustrations really aren’t about little Leaping Leon, and more to do with Yami sick and tired of being a protagonist.
But, youknow, it’s not an anime, unless the protagonist hypocritically can get away with every sin out there and everyone else gets punished for it. So lets find out just how far Leon fell from fun-having grace with a flashback.
This Belle cosplayer went off in like...one of the most hilariously bad accents I’ve heard in a while, it was just so much, I’ll probably cap it because lolol.
But since Leon wasn’t actually in line to inherit the company, he has to sort of hole up in his room for his entire childhood. It’s kinda weird, since we can’t assume that Zigfried will either a.) live forever or b.) have or adopt or raise children in any capacity. But they’re pretty sure Zigfried will live forever, and in this universe--maybe.
Also, I’m really not sure why they have to dress like it’s 1890, but they sure are. The Victorian era just never left the Von Schroeder house. Like these women are wearing corsets to be in that dress, and you can’t BUY a corset to match this type of dress, you have to make your own, and I know, because in Quarantine, I got really into historical sewing videos.
I can’t believe I spent an entire year watching historical sewing videos. Holy crap. I don’t even sew.
But then again...Seto is kind of drawn like he wears a corset...so maybe people are still wearing them in the Yugioh universe? Maybe that’s how their fashion just works?
Guys...I analyze Yugioh fashion a lot but the fact that the Edwardians never freakin left this worldly plane is just...that’s canon to Yugioh. I really just want to sit back and analyze Yugioh fashion with a moodboard and try to connect all the dots logically as if they aren’t just one-off jokes, but I don’t know how I’d fit that on this post.
And like, one of y’all brought up in a comment in the last post that what’s neat about this arc is we are seeing Zigfried as what Seto would have been like if he hadn’t like...gotten cursed by Yugi Muto. So, going off that idea, I think it’s kinda fun that Zigfried’s outfit is a bit of a younger take on Pegasus’ whole look with the wrist lace and a fusion of Gozaburos look of wearing a cravat with a smoking coat. It’s fun to imagine that this is what Seto’s inner gremlin dresses like (which...now I think about it...was a thing from S1 where Yami defeated a Seto gremlin but...I don't remember much about it) Of course, Seto would also be hella dead if he hadn’t gone through the Yugi cycle, but it’s still a fun road to think about.
Plus, when we go down that road, it really makes this arc look even more like it’s just about Seto Kaiba’s therapy sesh to recover from the last several seasons that he’s accidentally (or intentionally??) invited the entire world to watch and that’s very funny to me.
Bro has informed me you can make a deck out of Jerry but could not show me any receipts.
...I mean that is Dartz right?
Like I know all the characters have cards of themselves IRL and all the characters are also based on cards that were made before they were on TV (with the exception of our main cast that was...youknow, a horror manga) but like...
...what’s up, Dartz?
Anyway, our little Mokuba decides to sneak out the house and run around the world at the ripe ol age of ... what I’m guessing is like 10-12, and is pretty sure he can just get away with that. Luckily, the crimes he’s committing are exactly the type of crimes that Zigfried needs.
(Pretty sure their Dad died or is incapacitated but OK, dub, go ahead and pretend that plot point didn’t go down last episode.)
Also, I’m really glad we got a good storyboarder for this part who was like “Zigfried looks...like that?” and still managed to make this character design really work this episode. In some parts they even gave Zigfried those wide Marik Eyes that are kind of ubiquitous with Yugioh. It just needs the right hands to draw it, and then any amount of...this outfit...can work.
So, just like when we met Mokuba in S1, he’s gonna do a duel on Yugi to save his family and probably also like Mokuba, not give a damn for how this game is supposed to be played. Luckily, this time Pharaoh doesn’t have any star chips lying around for this kid to just run around and steal before booking it out the back gate.
Yugi over there with his twitter-brand hot-takes, not knowing the difference between actual brainwashing and blackmail/family pressure.
(WHY IS MAI HERE?)
Look at that hatching!
Ah this is the 00′s content I’m here for! Check out the soft brush! The dodge and burn! Ah! Man this sure was an era of computer art! and stuff like this cost a lot of money to make and it looked ... like this!
Now I’m pretty sure we can make art that looks this dated on like...a free phone app.
PS please do not ever shade your art like this. This is what you don’t do. Do not do this. I will shed a single tear shaped like the Photoshop symbols for dodge and burn.
Also...guys...
next episode is Ep 13. Every season so far this show has been like “we’re normal, everything is normal” getting us complacent until exactly Ep 13, when everything gets really effed up. So...
will that happen? Will they continue this tradition into S5 or has it been a coincidence until now? Excited to find out.
Anyway, if you just got here, this is the link to read these from the beginning in chrono order:
https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono
#ygo#yugioh#yu gi oh#S5#Ep12#yugi muto#leon von schroeder#good because I forgot his other last name#zigfried von schroeder#seto kaiba#mokuba kaiba#roland#joey wheeler#tea gardner#the others who didn't say or do anything so I probably shouldn't tag them#Can't believe how quickly this arc is wrapping up
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Draco and Hermione flirt at a party...
Likely to be the first draft of the first chapter of one of my WIPs, but can stand on its own(ish)... not the same one as what I had posted a while back but I am nothing if not working on multiple things in one go!
So enjoy the snippet - set a few years after the war, picture university age characters.
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Hermione flounced into one of the quieter rooms off of the main party. She found Theorode Nott, hands entwined with Pansy Parkinson, sharing a love seat, and the sight of a rather disheveled Draco Malfoy on one of the comfy armchairs. There was an enchanted gramophone in one corner, playing out some tranquil music which seemed to starkly juxtapose the ferocity of the party in full swing downstairs.
The smell of cigars permeated the air, and there were two bottles of fire whisky on the table - one empty, and one well on it’s way to be so. Draco sat on the armchair sideways, his legs up on the armrest, his jacket slung over the backrest. His bow tie had been undone, formal shirt unbuttoned at the collar, and he held whiskey tumbler in one hand.
When she stumbled in, she thought about turning around and moving away to find an empty room in which to sober up, but she hesitated in the doorway long enough for Malfoy to take notice of her. A drunken grin split is otherwise sour face, and Theo’s amused expression turned from Pansy to her at the door.
“Granger! What a sight for sore eyes! Come join us,” he called, amusing himself by putting her on the spot.
Hermione stepped into the room, thinking she must be even more drunk than she initially thought if she was actually about to crash this afterparty.
Draco straightened up his posture, swinging his legs around to sit normally on the large armchair.
“Plenty of room here Granger,” he drawled, indicating his lap.
“Keep dreaming Malfoy,” scoffed Hermione, head high with determination as she headed across the low table and collapsed on a longer sofa. She quickly turned so she was lying down, head to the armrest closest to the door, and heels on the other.
“Oh I do, Granger, I do,” he chuckled, pale cheeks rosy with alcohol.
“Bit drunk Granger?” asked Pansy, a touch of her school-time haughtiness still about her, but no malice in her tone.
“Just a tad. Don’t worry I only need to sober up enough to apparate and then I’ll leave you in peace,” replied Hermione, groaning and throwing one arm to cover her eyes as the room spun around her.
Theo and Pansy went back to slowly kissing one another as if there were nobody else in the world, and she could hear Draco pouring himself another glass of firewhiskey.
“You know,” started Draco, pointedly ignoring the couple in the corner, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you drunk Granger.”
“Well feast your eyes Malfoy,” she laughed, turning to face him. She knew this tone from him. He was bored, and looking to get her riled up for his own amusement. Not tonight she thought, as she held up a hand to stop him from speaking as he opened his mouth.
“Let me guess, is my hair even more of a mess than usual? Lipstick a poor attempt at making my mouth look appetising? ‘Why bother wearing heels Granger when you totter about in them like a giraffe on a tightrope’” She said imitating his voice, putting as much scorn into insulting herself as she could while sporting a teasing smile. She swung her legs from the armrest onto the low table in front of her so she could sit up and look at him better. “‘And what are you wearing! Merlin Granger, a bit of class might improve you somewhat!’”
There was a silence, and then Draco laughed - a sound so foreign to her and even to Theo and Pansy to some extent - that all eyes looked at him. It wasn’t a scoff or a chuckle, but a real laugh.
“Actually Granger, I was going to say you look more ravishing than usual in that number, but I can see I will have to work harder at changing your opinion of me if you believe I would still say any of that shit about your looks.” He told her, leaning forwards and looking deep into her eyes. “Securing your affections is further away than I had imagined!”
“Ha! Securing my affections Malfoy?” She raised one eyebrow at him.
“Yes, have I not mentioned I intend to marry you?” He slurred, gazing at her longingly.
“You may have mentioned it last time you were sloshed,” she countered, rolling her eyes. From the way she saw Nott sit up a bit straighter in the corner she realised he had not been in on this little joke.
“Well then, it cannot come as a surprise,” continued Malfoy, leaning back in his armchair looking rather smug with himself that she remembered.
“Oh please Malfoy, just drop whatever little game it is you are playing - I know this is just your latest scheme to ridicule me. I’ll humour you for a bit but it’s going to get old really quickly,” she replied, mirroring his behaviour and falling backwards into the couch.
“No games here Granger, not this time. See I’m absolutely smitten with that big brain of yours, and the way your body turned out isn’t bad either,” he said with a smirk over his whiskey glass.
Hermione snorted.
“Right, and you’ve come to this life changing realisation when exactly?”
“Oh… probably third year when you punched me…”
Now it was Hermione’s turn to laugh out loud.
“Like a bit of rough and tumble do you Malfoy? Hoping I’ll slap you up a bit in the bedroom?”
Had Hermione been sober, she would never have engaged in this level of banter, even if she might have thought about the witty response in her mind. But drunk Hermione had no such filter, and was feeling exhilarated with her current verbal sparring match with her ex-nemesis Draco Malfoy. And she she didn’t even feel slightly embarrassed herself but was solely focussed on seeing how far Malfoy would push his apparent flirtatiousness. She would make him crack. Hopefully before she threw up all the vodka currently flowing through her body.
She took in Malfoy’s shocked expression and hoped she had pushed far enough, smirking at him in a way she had actually learned from the Slytherins that surrounded her in her life.
The shocked expression melted off of his face in an instant, eyes smouldering with something dark.
“For you Granger, anything,” he said darkly, holding her eye contact. “When we’re married we can try all manner of things your heart desires. You can have a whole wing of the house to play out your little fantasies ”
“And here I was thinking we were talking about your ‘little fantasies’, Draco” she purred, leaning towards him. His eyes widened slightly in surprise.
“Oh Granger, I already have my own wing,” he murmured, “I’ll gladly show you any time you want.”
She was opening her mouth to retort, sure she had him on the run from her, but Blaise Zabini sauntered into the room, greeting them all, and placed himself next to Hermione on the sofa, seemingly taking her in for the first time that night.
He raised a carefully sculpted eyebrow at her and gave her a the smile of a predator having just caught sight of his prey.
“Well Granger, so lovely of you to join us this evening,” he said smoothly, arm coming to rest over her shoulders.
“Oh please not you too! This is ridiculous!” She spluttered, taking his arm off of her shoulders and depositing it by his side.
“I’m not sure I follow? I see a beautiful girl sitting here by my side - I cannot help but try,” he said smoothly, never one to take a rejection.
“Zabini. Non sono interessata,” she hissed at him in Italian. It was more than passable - as was everything she tried to study to perfection - but her cheeks burned as the words left her lips, making her feel stupid to have thought to speak to him in his mother tongue at all. The game was up - she couldn’t handle two Slytherins mocking her at once.
Blaise laughed and relaxed away from her, leaning over her outstretched legs to grab a whiskey tumbler and pour himself a glass.
“Message received Granger. Don’t mean to interfere where I’m not wanted! How has your evening been?”
“Bizarre,” she huffed, glancing over at Draco who was watching them intently. “I only came in here to sober up a little, but if you’ll excuse me I think I’m going to hunt down some water and leave now.”
Hermione stood up, pleased with the way she was no longer wobbling so much.
“Have a good night,” she called to the remaining occupants of the room, and then headed off to the bar without a backwards glance.
Back in the room she just left, Theo and Pansy no longer tried to conceal the fact they had been listening to the whole exchange.
“Did you just admit to Granger you’ve been in love with her since third year?” Theo blurted, twisting to look his friend in the face.
Zabini raised an eyebrow, his gaze shifting between his friends. “Is that what I interrupted?”
“No, you interrupted Malfoy fucking it up,” replied Pansy.
“Well I couldn’t not tell her anymore!” said Draco, a scowl starting to form on his face.
“We know that! But she doesn’t know that!” Theo sighed, slapping his forehead in frustration. It had taken them an eternity to get Draco to admit it to himself, and now he springs it on Granger - not the first time either!
“Look Malfoy,” cut in Pansy, “you can’t just tell her you love her and then have banter about some fucking sex dungeons - she’s not going to believe a thing! You need to show her!”
“Show her a sex dungeon?” asked Zabini, somewhere between confused and intrigued.
“No! Show her he is serious about her!” cried Pansy, getting frustrated.
“And is he serious about her?”
“I’m literally right here,” growled Draco, irritably, “and yes, I am serious. I have to get married or lose the inheritance, and with the ministry finally passing a ban on all familial contracts stipulating anything to do with blood status, legally, I can choose to marry her… if she’ll have me. Otherwise I will face being forced into one of the Greengrass’ arms, and then I’ll never… never get a chance… to be with her…” His voice was pained and longing, having lost all the protection of the walls he had built for himself during his upbringing.
“Hmmm. She won’t just fall into anybody’s arms,” said Zabini, thinking out load “and especially not yours mate, not with your history.”
“Great thanks for the votes of confidence —“ started Draco, slamming his glass onto the table. Zabini held up a hand to indicate he wasn’t done.
“So, we will need to do this the hard way,” he continued. “We will have to train you to get her to fall for you. And unfortunately your pure-blooded, rich arse is a negative when it comes to the girl of your dreams,” he sighed.
“So what do I have left?” asked Draco, feeling a little despair creeping in.
“Why, your fabulous personality of course!” Cried Theo, grinning at him.
Draco Malfoy groaned and downed the rest of his drink.
#dramione#snippet#worldcrawler#wip#my writing#harry potter#fanfiction#dramione fanfiction#harry potter fanfiction#draco malfoy#hermione granger#draco x hermione
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World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈⬛
alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha
OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!
yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!
testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...
a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook
You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?
So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand.
personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good
hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes.
HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.
tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health
Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart.
SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018.
In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals.
working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse.
in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::
I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)
if you thought you saw me
i’d think about it twice
cuz while i know i’m naughty
everybody thinks i’m nice
cutest giggles get me
places that i long to be
but it’s not long before
everybody hates me
when you figure out i’m fucked up
you’ll probably think that can’t be right
but babe my image runs to save me
cuz i’m ugly day and night
nothing good about me
not the angel that i seem
cuz i’m a piece of shit
and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams
i’m an impostor babe
you better run for your life
cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me
and you’re dripping off my knife
there’s no one here to save you
cuz you ate up all my lies
so beg me while you can
and draft up all your goodbyes
if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!
okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??
will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.
eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire
been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /
check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /
we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /
been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?
also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.
OKAY AND FINALLY
n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.
literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV
little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy
i got my hopes up and got them destroyed
bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue
can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one
sitting here in silence, fabric running thin
petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen
embers from a cigarette falling to the floor
god i can’t take anymore
so i stumble to the window and pull the shades
and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade
i can’t understand why
i keep trying
cuz i never seem to win
but having any hope is how the light gets in
from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.
powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style
watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.
this is the moment before impact
controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery
controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy
and this is the moment before impact
ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.
means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!
meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’
okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic
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so...the last year has been rough. for everyone. but i’ve been lucky in a lot of ways, especially with the people in my life, and i wanted to take a second to thank some people on here. because genuinely, you guys mean so freaking much to me. i’ve had a lot of online friends in my life but none that feel so much like family. these are the people who have carried me through the last year, who’ve made me feel seen and heard and supported me in all my endeavors and just been wonderful to me all around. i love you guys, and happy new year <3
i’m about to get into it now. and i’ll try not to cry too much along the way.
@neshatriumphs nesha, when i say that you’re our fandom mom i mean that you’re my family, i mean that you’re my biggest supporter, my inspiration, my rock, the person who makes me want to be my best self, all the time. i can’t explain to you what your support has meant to me over the years. whether it’s leaving me incredibly kind notes on my fics that make me want to write more just for you, or sending me asks when you know i’m feeling down, or just making me laugh with your hilarious takes, you have always, always been there for me. you’re the toughest person i know and you make me want to keep pushing every day. you’re so incredibly talented; your ideas are just always stunning and inspired and despite being humble about it you’re amazing at everything you do. your art, your writing, your aesthetics, all of it. loeg and share-a-lair were just spectacular and such a show of how complex and original and smart your writing is. barring just your talent you’re also an inspiration in how passionate and kind and dedicated you are. you care for others everywhere you go. you come on here and constantly make me want to be a better person. it’s not just me, either—you’ve taken on the role of helping all of us in any way you can, and you just make us feel loved and supported and give us someone to always look up to. i love you. plain and simple, you’re my family, and i’m so, so grateful to have you in my life.
@juliesdahlias you know when you meet someone younger than you and you’re like how do they have this much talent in their body? and you can’t even be mad about it because you just want to root for them and you want good things for them and you think of them like a little sibling? that’s me around you all. the freaking. time. pearl, i’m constantly blown away by how smart and driven and passionate you are. you have so much talent to offer the world and i love seeing you thrive more than anything. you inspire me every freaking day; i mean, your tiara thief drabbles literally made me pull my fic out of my drafts for the first time in months. every time you post it’s something iconic and beautiful, whether its your fics or your edits or your headcanons. and not just that, but you’re so incredibly supportive of everything i put out there. like with ths, the way you latched on to it and are one of our biggest fans and made content for it literally as soon as we started!! that was amazing!! you’re just such an incredible person in every sense of the word; you’re talented and hilarious and kind and passionate and i love you so so much. i cannot wait to watch you do amazing things because i know you’re gonna be one of the greats. ily.
@ciara-knightly i can’t even put this into words. i’m sitting here trying to say it right and every time i start i just turn into “!!!!!!!!” cause i love you so much. i know i’ve said this before, but shona, you’re honestly like my older sister. this whole year of just, really getting to talk to you beyond tumblr has shown me how honestly kind, passionate, smart, and supportive you are. talking to you is one of my favorite things in the world, whether it’s rambling about tiara thief, or discussing feminism in media, or just getting life advice. you always know what to say to lead me in the right direction and reassure me that things are gonna be okay. i look up to you more than i can tell you; i’m constantly inspired by your talent and your drive. you’re endlessly supportive and you make me laugh all the time, and i hold literally every convo we have close to my chest because it means so much to me to just be able to have them with you. i’ll never be over the fact that you basically discovered jatp, or us talking and making predictions for weeks before it aired, or us plotting out the whole dystopia novel together—which, even though it didn’t really pan out, was such an amazing experience because i got to do it with you. and i absolutely scroll back through our convos on a regular basis to scream over our tiara thief headcanons. everything i’ve done with you has been incredibly fun and meaningful, so what i’m trying to say in this very long winded way is that i’m so, so glad i know you, and i can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me.
@bitchmilsky lizzie, i literally think of you like you’re my little sibling. my weird, crazy, hilarious, incredibly kind and supportive and creative and amazing little sibling. ever since i met you you’ve been nothing but fun and friendly and wonderful to me. your posts never fail to make me laugh and i love seeing whatever you’re up to, even if it’s video games that i understand nothing about. you have so many fun ideas and you’re so freely yourself, it’s honestly inspiring. the things you make are always adorable and every time we go live together and chat i always have so much fun, and talking and i just want to meet you in person so badly because i know we’d be an amazing, unstoppable duo and that you’d make me laugh until my sides hurt. i’m still waiting on that cross-country road trip. we could roll the windows down and belt our way through the entire hd musical soundtrack, and it would be epic. for real, though, you’re one of my favorite people ever, and i hope this year brings you nothing but fun and good things because that’s what you deserve. i’m sending you a million virtual hugs and also booty shorts that say poggers on the ass. i love you <3
@zackmartn i know i’m gonna start crying right now because i love you so much and i’m trying not to because i just did my makeup but dammit, nikki, i just love you so much. i remember when i first came on here and was afraid to talk to you because i was like “ohmygod she’s so cool she’s the king of this fandom she’s amazing” but i thank god that you reached out to me every day. i honestly can’t imagine my life without you; you’ve been such a presence in it for so long that you’re inseparable from it. even the times i’ve gone on hiatus i’ve been stalking your blog from a distance like “i just wanna know what she’s up to...”. you’re honestly like an older sister to me and you’re one of the people i admire the most; you’ve been through and continue to go through so much and yet every day you come on here and decide to be a freaking light to all of us, to make me smile, to support me literally endlessly. like, the amount of times you’ve driven me to near tears from your reviews of my writing is ridiculous. the freaking umana fan club?? the way ths is one of your top tags??? it’s just...insane and such a show of how boundless your support is. and that’s not even getting into how freaking talented you are!!! i stare at your gifsets all the time!! and your fics like....holy shit you literally created this whole universe that i’m so freaking invested in and is better than literally anything that canon could ever do, and i know i’m honestly terrible at responding to messages but i hope you know you never have to start holding back with me. most of the time when i get stuff you send i have to sit there and get my thoughts together and that takes forever, but i love love love reading it anyway. the way you get excited about the things you love is everything, it’s something that i really really love about you, and i hope you continue to keep that passion and love for everything. and i hope that this year brings you nothing but good things, because you deserve that more than anyone. i love you.
@willexs eliza, babe, i know we joke all the time that we were put on opposite sides of the ocean because we’d be too powerful if we were together but i really think it’s true. imagine us meeting. the universe just wouldn’t be able to handle it; it would implode. listen, you’re literally like my twin, my other half. we have so much in common that it’s honestly ridiculous. we operate on the same brainwave, and every time we talk i’m blown away by how easy it is and i honestly love it so much because i could not have picked a more talented and creative and fun person to work with. writing ths with you has literally been like...one of my favorite writing experiences ever. i can’t believe that it started on such a whim because it’s such an important part of my life now and getting to have you next to me while we figure this whole thing out is honestly the best part. it’s not just all the characters and dynamics we’ve created, it’s the fact that i can send you incoherent ramblings at ungodly hours and you’ll pick them apart, it’s the 3-hour phone calls to make playlists, it’s you always making me feel heard and inspiring me. it’s this like...excitement of building towards something amazing with someone i love. you understand me on this crazy and fundamental level, and sometimes it blows my mind how similar we are and how well you know me without us having even met. i feel like we’re the embodiment of “nobody gets me like you”. and i know i’ve said this before, but i really do think you make me a better writer. i love how you make me laugh, i love that you always have the best takes and i love how talented you are with your incredible adorable art and your fics and your gorgeous edits and i love that we egg each other on and hype each other up. i love that, despite being on opposite sides of the ocean, we’re still best friends. and i love you <3
@cactus-con lou!!!!!! i literally just...ahh i love you so much!! i know i’ve said this before but you were the first person i talked to in this fandom, and you made me feel so freaking welcome. and that has never changed. talking to you is so easy and natural, and you make me feel loved and heard all the time. i love getting to share stuff with you because you always always always hype me up. not just that but like...your talent?? literally unmatched!!! you’re amazing at everything you do it’s ridiculous. i love love love all your artwork, i could stare at it literally all day. you have so much talent and i literally cannot wait to watch you do such great things with it. i just...you’re such a wonderful person to everyone around you. you spread all this love and support and kindness and i think you’re one of the most genuine people i know and i’m so so glad i know you. i hope this year treats you so well because you deserve nothing but good things. i love you. <3
@owenjoyners where do i even start?? brooke, you’re like my other twin. i know i’ve said this before but it’s literally insane to me that we’ve known each other for less than a year because it feels like i’ve known you my whole life. you are such an incredible freaking person. you’re funny and you’re kind and you’re talented and you make me smile every damn day. i love getting post notifs from you because i swear to god i light up every time. your gifsets are always gorgeous, and i’ve watched you learn and improve and you’ve gotten so good, it makes me so happy every time. your art??? you say you’re just starting out but i can’t even tell you how much i love it. your fics!!! you’re good at everything and it’s honestly ridiculous. and it’s not even about your consistently amazing posts, i also just...i love talking to you more than anything, even if we’re just simping over owen together. you make me laugh all the time and you always hype me up; you’ve let me ramble about my fics and helped me get my ideas together, you’ve talked stupid life stuff like school and college with me, and you’ve given me someone to go to whenever i need it. i think of you as one of my best friends and i can’t get over how fast we clicked or how easy it is to talk to you. i need you to come visit me so i can give you so many hugs and we can have a sleepover and talk for literally hours on end. in the meantime, we need to call again sometime because that was honestly so much fun. i love you with all my heart.
and some people i want to say thank you to, because even though we don’t talk as often as i’d like you’re still amazing, and you make me smile all the time, and i love seeing you on my dash or in my notes: @taylorswiftrulestheworld @onplanetmars @dr-rigatoni @swellviews-finest @symphonic-concert @molinasmercer
#nikki tag! 💛#lizzie tag! 💜#nobody gets me like you tag ❣️#nesha tag! 💟#brooke tag! 💙#lou tag! 💚#shona tag! 🌟#heather tag!#otter tag!#jamie tag!#k tag!#faith tag!#monisha tag!#pearl tag! 💖
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Out of the depths.
It is somehow appropriate that a re-emergence and re-alignment comes with the beginning of the month of May. May is a big month for vodouizan; we celebrate Kouzen and all his family this month and, for people from Jacmel, it is a month devoted to celebrating Jacmel's heritage, which is tied closely to Kouzen. It is said Jacmel is where Kouzen was from before he went to more rural areas; it's not a coincidence that fet Jacmel and fet St Jacques e St Philippe (the patrons of Jacmel) are celebrated on the same days as fet Kouzen (May 1 and May 2).
I've been thinking about Kouzen a lot lately. It's been a difficult year in a lot of ways, but not a bad year. COVID has really permanently changed how things in my professional field work, and with the help of Kouzen and a few of my other lwa, I managed to leverage that into a position using all my professional strengths with the org that has been my target for employment for years. Landing that has not only been life-changing and future-solidifying, but really reinforces that I know what I know and that I am an expert at what I do.
That's a lesson that comes from Kouzen, and it's one that I struggle to learn and remember in my life. Kouzen shows me balance: he is the expert worker in his field (literal and figurative), but you might never know that from how he does his work. Underestimate him and you'll find out, but how he carries himself keeps his mastery of work and growth and agriculture from being the first thing that you see.
I'm pretty okay with that part, but that's the part I get tripped up about. I don't find anything fulfilling professionally or personally about illustrating what I know,, but there is a difference between going about your business and actively hiding from those moments where you can insert who you are and what you know.
I'm a hider. It might sound kind of funny coming from someone who has been writing a blog in the internet for close to a decade, but it's true: I am actually pretty shy and private and being the center of attention--professional or personal--is kind of horrifying to me. I've reached the point in my life where I don't feel I have a lot to prove because I know what I know, but in many ways that's just not possible for me. I don't work in a field where I can just close my office door and have it all be fine, and the lwa have made clear time after time that I cannot just ride off into Ginen with them and live a private life.
This has something that is always a struggle for me because I am introverted and like my alone space and time. It comes back to the good ol' lessons the lwa want me to learn over and over: balance and vulnerability. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes I react like a cat thrown into a bathtub full of water. The lwa win some, I lose some.
I had to get my ass in gear with the notions of balance and putting myself out there and being vulnerable in knowing my worth and demanding (politely) that it be recognized when I found myself completely dissatisfied with my job(s). I was working two jobs (houngans and manbos know about that hustle...) and making good money, but I was ready to work one job and free up time for spiritual work and projects.
I took a chance and applied for a job that was juuuuust within my experience. It was definitely bigger than what I was doing and while it was within my experience level, I honestly wasn't perfectly qualified....but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, so I buffed up the resume, sent it off, and sat with my lwa about it. I told them that if this was where I was supposed to go next, I knew they would clear the way.
I didn't get it.
I made it through two rounds of interviews, but ultimately there was an incumbent with 10 more years of experience than I have, and that's almost always a losing equation. I was okay with it because I still had work and at the end of the day, I don't have to love my job to cash the paychecks.
BUT....the lwa had another plan. The team of interviewers liked me, and so I got headhunted for a position that was very, very in line with my professional experience and goals. I spoke with them several times about it and they made me an offer....and it was so low I almost rejected the offer outright.
I was both angry and scared at the same time; angry because the salary offer was ridiculously offensive based on my career history and scared because I have never been in a position to turn down a job offer or, honestly, negotiate.
This time was the first time in my life that I was planning to leave a job because I wanted to. I grew up in a upper working class home and as an adult have spent too much time jobless and underemployed to discount steady work and a regular paycheck. It was scary as hell to be staring down the possibility of kicking the steady paycheck to the side in favor of taking a step into the unknown.
When I got the offer letter, I sat down with the lwa and literally cried because I was so burned out with my other job that it was affecting my performance, but here I was getting a bullshit offer for a hugely involved job. It felt like a loss if I took it and affirmed that both my experience and what they were asking of me was only worth what they were offering. It felt like a loss if I didn't take it, because those opportunities do not come alone like that very often.
It was such a moment of unique despair. Like, I was not hurt or anything tragic but that feeling like I was painted into a corner and that the choices in front of me would leave me at a loss was HUGE and real. For me, when I feel like that it's hard for me to turn on the part if my brain that's analytical. I just need to sit in my misery for a minute (or more) until I get it together enough to figure out what to do.
That is where the blessing of Kouzen (and really all the lwa) came in. He told me to go back to the table, creat another option, and ask for my worth. Like, not swing my proverbial dick and be an asshole, but go be vulnerable and say that the offer was disappointing and that I expected more. So weird because it makes so much sense, right? And yet there I was totally sold that I was either going to be worked like a mule for less money than I was making already, or I was going to remain in The Bad Place until something else came along.
So I did. Even if I felt pessimistic about it (I did) and thought they would say no (convinced of it), I did what I was told because at the end of the day I agreed to sèvis lwa because I believe in the vision the lwa have for me. Some days I say that through gritted teeth, but that's my guiding principle and they have never let me down.
I sent in my counteroffer and waited for the 'we're sorry, but..' email. It was fucking scary. My agency is a behemoth in my field and has been around forever, so pushing back felt a little bit like David versus Goliath, and I didn't have the benefit of a sling and a rock.
It took two days but they got their offer almost to what I asked for, so I took it and it was a huge relief. I am sure that somewhere in the background Kouzen maybe did a quiet fist pump of 'Alex learned a thing' before going back to his work.
In all seriousness, that's a lesson I have struggled so hard with and it was a moment where I had to put it all into practice and rely on what the lwa have taught me as being an ultimate truth. Knowing my worth is not enough; I have to be able to communicate that in a way that both opens doors and doesn't get me used as a doormat. Not doing that seems like it would be almost offensive to Kouzen because, at least in this case, it would be essentially leaving money on the table and wasting it. My Kouzen is very rational about money, but the idea of not trying to set up my financial future makes his eyes bug out and would probably result in Having To Have A Conversation, which I avoid at all costs. Nothing like the lwa reminding you not to fuck up your own blessings.
Getting settled into this particular blessing has been what has been occupying my time the most these days. I came back from Haiti and went right into this job. I have finally clawed my way into administration and, in a very Kouzen twist, am responsible for managing several million dollars worth of grants and spending them both quickly and wisely. I work closely with the person in the position I originally interviewed for and am really happy I didn't get that job, as I am able much better fit where I am.
What else? In late January, I turned in a final draft of a chapter I was tapped to write for a book detailing the experiences of people who are converts to African Traditional and Diasporic religions. I'm excited to see the book when it comes out; I was the only writer on Haitian Vodou, and so it is chock full of other experiences from people from all different places who converted at some point in their life to a huge variety of African and African Descended religions and cultural practices. It's a project that has been in the works for several years, and it was interesting to see personal growth during my involvement in it and while tracking and detailing my journey from a fairly conservative Protestant upbringing to where I am now as a sèvitè lwa.
My living situation has changed up in the middle of this and I am once again at a point in my life where I have a dedicated space for my lwa. Living in one of the most expensive cities in the US has meant roommates and keeping my lwa in a closet in my room (my most recent roommate lovingly referred to them as the Closet People), but the lwa managed to swing it so I have a room dedicated to my spirits.
I have longing for that for so long...it's been years since that was a reality, and now it's finally a thing again. I always have the room for my lwa as my studio space too, since they are a creative force behind a lot of it, and it make my heart so full again to have room to spread out. It's such a gift for me. No more sitting down to pray and having my roommate start to have sex with their partner on the other side of the wall....I cannot tell you how many times that has happened.
Recently I listened to my mother tell some folks how to make tchaka/Kouzen's favorite meal. The regleman/ritual food is one of the most important parts of both ceremony and personal relationships with the lwa, and Kouzen reminded me that it had been quite awhile since I made him tchaka and boy his stomach would feel so much better with some tchaka in it and I already had a lot of the ingredients and wouldn't it be delicious to make some doumbrey for the tchaka too?
...so I went shopping for what I would need for tchaka for my beloved Kouzen because I have clearly neglected his stomach for too long. Living in a city with a huge Haitian population is great because the Haitian grocery store I went to had joumou/Haitian pumpkin, lalo sèk/dried jute leaves, tritri/tiny dried shrimp, djondjon/Haitian black mushrooms, fresh kowosol/soursop(!!!!!), and fresh lam veritab/breadfruit(!!!!!!!!!!).
It is so rare to find fresh kowosol and lam up here in New England because it def doesn't grow here and it doesn't last well when it's shipped....but it looked great today. The kowosol is going to be for me...ji kowosol ak lèt is a favorite, ESPECIALLY with a little Barbancourt poured in...and Kouzen will either get some tomtom or at least boiled lam veritab with his tchaka. Also have the makings of some bonbon siwo, so this husband is gonna eat GOOD. He deserves it.
And then...? Our live-on-Zoom socially distanced fet Kouzen will be sometime late in May. Making our fets available for folks to 'attend' at a distance has been surprisingly cool. I was not thrilled about the idea because of my personal hangups (I hate being on camera) but it's been really wonderful and has been a way for people who can't get to the temple to be able to share energy and get a taste of what a real Haitian fet is like. COVID isn't going away anytime soon, so we'll probably keep doing our fetes this way for awhile.
And...Haitian Summer is coming. I could write another whole post on what's going on down in Haiti, but I am very much looking forward to our kanzo and fet cycle this summer. My very favorite ceremonies are part of kanzo, and I love the opportunity to see the lwa in their home in the temple. I've been so lucky to be able to travel safely to Haiti several times during this mess, and it has fed my soul. It's safer for me and many of my family members now that we are vaccinated, so one less thing to worry about.
With Kouzen's month and the season of spring, I hope for growth in new directions for each of you, complete with all the blessings that Kouzen can bring: fertility and fecundity, inspiration, energy, commitment, rootedness, solid partnerships, and wise investments in self, community, relationships, and business ventures. May the fresh breeze bring you health with every breath and wealth with every exhale.
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What If I Never Get Over You (Part 3) - Chris Evans Imagine
Summary: It’s the day of Y/N and Cody’s wedding, and Chris has every intention to stop the love of his life marrying someone else.
Word Count: 2892
Warnings: Mentions of cheating, mentions of unable to carry children/get pregnant
Author's Note: Final chapter of the mini-series, and it was NOT easy to write. I wrote two completely different drafts before I decided THIS one was the perfect way to end it. I hope you like it.
[Part 1] /// [Part 2]
Chris sat in the back of the church in his best black suit. His heart ached as he watched Y/N in a beautiful white dress slowly walk down the aisle. A small part of him was hoping Y/N would look back at the crowd and see him sitting in the back row. It killed him knowing it wasn't him at the other end of the aisle. For years, he always knew Y/N was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with, build a home with, and fill it up with as many kids as possible.
The pastor said, "If anyone can show cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."
Chris stood up from his seat and shouted, "I object!"
Except something came out. No one heard him. He tried again, but no one flinched at his words. He realized nothing came out, no matter how many times he opened his mouth and shouted. He got out of the pew and rushed towards Y/N. He literally stood in front of her and Cody, as they continued with the wedding as if he was invisible.
He fell down to his knees, feeling like he can't breathe as tears slowly fell down Chris' cheeks. He knew this was it. It was over for him as Y/N kissed her newly wedded husband.
Chris sat up from his bed, his chest heaving as he panted heavily. A sense of relief washed over him as he realized it was just a nightmare. The clock on his nightstand read 3:05AM. He closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. He swung his legs over and carefully got out of bed.
In the dark, Chris made his way to the kitchen. He turned on the stove light to illuminate the kitchen as he made himself a cup of hot tea. He put a tea bag in his favorite mug before he watched a cup of water go in circles in the microwave. His mind drifted back to a moment he'll never forget three years ago.
The drive to the church wasn't far. Although Chris was speeding down the familiar streets of Boston, it felt like he was never gonna get there. Time was going by so slow and it didn't help that he had a million things running on his mind.
How does he stop a wedding? He's never witnessed one in real life. He's only seen them on movies and tv shows, but those have always been overly dramatic and unrealistic for his liking. His anxiety picked up as he wondered what the guest would say or do, how fast they would put it out on the social media world. For a split second, he worried what the headlines would say and what the whole world had to say.
He shook his head, letting his mind wonder about something more important. He wondered what he would do if she still didn't pick him, what if she goes on with the wedding and forever leaves Chris behind?
He slammed on the brakes in front of the church, not caring about parking in front of a No Parking Zone. He ran up the stairs, two steps at a time, and opened the double wooden doors. The lobby was empty for the most part except for one person who was on the phone. He ignored her and walked to the other set of doors that led to the main church. It wasn't empty, but it wasn't full either. A few people were fixing the decorations. Chris furrowed his eyebrows, he knew the wedding was starting soon. He wasn't early. The church should be filled with people.
Chris stopped a woman who walked towards his direction with a vase of flowers in her hands. "Excuse me, could you tell me where the bride's room is?"
"Sure. Go back out to the lobby, take a left. Then, go down the hall until you reach the fourth door on the right," she instructed.
"Thanks!" Chris quickly said before taking off to the bride's room.
It didn't take long to get there. He opened the door and was surprised to see it empty except for a girl standing in the middle of the room. She wore a black pencil skirt with a matching blazer. She spoke to her headset as she looked down at her clipboard, too focused on what was written while talking to someone on the other line.
Chris took a step towards her, causing her to look up and gasp. She placed a hand on her racing heart. "I'm sorry, there's someone here, I have to go. Chow!" She pressed the end button. "How can I help you, sir?"
"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm looking for the bride," Chris said. "Any chance I can speak to her real quick? It's important."
"There is no bride."
Chris' heart dropped to his stomach. "I'm sorry, what?"
"She called off the wedding about an hour ago. My team and I are trying as quickly as we can to inform the guest. I'm sorry we didn't tell you any sooner to save yourself the trip," she said before she eyed him down. He wore a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a long sleeve, that showed off his very muscular arms. "But I'm guessing you weren't here to see the wedding," she said, knowing this wasn't the first wedding to be stopped by an ex.
"Okay, thanks," Chris pulled out his phone from his pocket as he walked out of the church. Luckily, no one hadn't towed his car or given him a ticket yet. He looked down at his phone, staring at her contact information. He hadn't called her since the break up. He doesn't even know if that's still her number. He dialed, his heart ready to explode out of his chest after each ring.
"Hello?" A guy spoke on the other line.
Chris didn't know who it was. "Is Y/N there?"
"You know, a lot of people ask for her, but you have the wrong number, dude. But I hope you find her, and if you do, can you tell her to tell everyone she knows she changed her number so they can stop calling me," the gentleman hung up, extremely annoyed that someone else had called for a woman he didn't even know.
Chris quickly got in the car and slowly drove off, not knowing where to go. He thought about going to her place, but he figured if he was in her situation, being at home is the last place he would want to be after calling off his own wedding.
She's not getting married, he kept thinking to himself. Tears welled up in his eyes as he was overwhelmed with mixed emotions. He wanted to find her and see what happened. He wanted to know why she called off the wedding. More importantly, he still wanted to tell her how much he still loves her.
Chris let out a high sigh as he pulled up to his driveway. He closed his eyes and rolled his head back on the headrest. He was grateful Scott offered to take Kayla for the day. It was bad enough he knew it was her wedding day, but somehow it felt worse that there was no wedding and he didn't know how to get a hold of her. He didn't know where she could be.
He stepped out of the car and walked around to the side entrance of his house. He stopped on his tracks when he saw Y/N sitting down on the steps, waiting for him. She looked up as she heard his footsteps. Chris immediately noticed her red, puffy eyes. He didn't know what to say, but he knew he wanted to run up to her, wrap his arms around her, kiss her, and never let her go again. Instead, he sat down next to her on the steps, waiting for her to say the first word.
"I called off the wedding," she finally said after a few minutes of silence. She couldn't look at him though. She was too scared to see his reaction.
"I know. I went to the church." She quickly turned her head to see him, her heart stopping at his words. He looked into her tear filled eyes and said, "I wanted to stop you from getting married."
She felt a small weight off her shoulders, a sense of relief that he didn't show up to the wedding to give her his best wishes. But, she still had some questions and she still needed some answers.
"Why did you do it, Chris?" Her voice cracked.
Chris looked away from her, knowing she wasn't asking about why he showed up to the church. She was referring to what happened years ago. He wasn't gonna sugar coat it. He also didn't want to elaborate on the details more than he needed to.
"I was overwhelmed with everything going on at the time. I hadn't seen you in almost a year. That was the longest we had never gone without seeing each other. One night, I was feeling extra lonely and I got drunk at a party with the cast and crew, and then..." Chris stopped, unable to say the next words, but Y/N knew exactly what happened next. Chris closed his eyes and shook his head, mad at himself for what he did.
"I didn't tell you at first when it happened." Chris noticed the shock expression on her face, but continued on with the story. "Because it meant nothing. It didn't mean anything to me. When she told me she was pregnant a couple of months later, I didn't believe her. She agreed to do a DNA test. Turns out, she was right. Kayla is mine."
Y/N noticed his lips forming a smile as he said the last sentence for a few minutes before it vanished.
"But now, I can't say I regret what happened and I wished it had never happened, because then I wouldn't have Kayla."
Y/N heart broke a little bit. Since they dated in high school, she knew how much Chris wanted to be a father and have a big family. It killed her that she couldn't give him that.
"It was easier to break up with you then to tell you the truth. I thought it would hurt less to break up with you than finding out I cheated and having a baby with someone else. I knew the truth wasn't gonna get out there because Abby and I agreed we were going to keep Kayla as quiet as possible. We didn't want the media to constantly be harassing an innocent child. It's worked so far. No one knows I'm a father. People think she's one of my nieces' friends when I take them all out together."
Y/N nodded completely understanding why Chris kept Kayla away from the public. A part of her was really impressed he's managed to keep it a secret this long.
"Y/N," he looked into her eyes. "These are not excuses. It doesn't justify what I did wrong. I know what I did was wrong and completely unforgivable. So unforgivable, I still haven't forgiven myself for it."
Chris buried his face in his hands, unable to look at her. He was too scared about what would happen next. What would she say? He couldn't watch her walk away if she decided she still wants nothing to do with him.
"Chris..." he heard the sadness and brokenness in her small voice. "There's a reason why we didn't see each other that year. That's my fault. I purposely made it impossible not to see you."
He looked up at her. Her eyes welled up with tears. The sad look on her face made his heart race in fear.
"Why?" Was all he could say.
"At the beginning of my tour, I noticed I was late. I thought maybe I was pregnant. I had my assistant set up an appointment in Houston since we had only one extra day off. Turns out, I wasn't pregnant-"
"Why didn't you tell me?" Chris asked. "I would have been there for you-"
"Because you were filming. I knew they wouldn't let you leave and take days off, even if you are Captain America."
"That still doesn't explain why we didn't see each other for a whole year," he said.
Tears fell down her cheek. "The doctor said there was no way I could be pregnant because I didn't have any eggs. She says it's very rare for a young woman to lose all her eggs, but it's possible." Y/N paused for a second as the pain in her heart grew. "I couldn't see you knowing I couldn't give you what you wanted most in life, Chris. I made sure I agreed to any and all new dates added to the tour, which led to having a European tour right after our American tour. It was easier to run away from you than to tell you I can't give you your dream."
She finally let go and sobbed, Chris immediately engulfed her in his arms, crying with her knowing how much this was killing her. As a father now, he can't fathom the idea of not being able to have kids, let alone the love of his life unable to bear his children.
He cried with her as he held her tight. He wanted to take away all the pain she's dealt with since she found out. He wished he had been there for her, to reassure her everything would be fine and they would figure something out together.
"I'm sorry, Chris," she pulled back and looked at his broken blue eyes.
"I'm sorry too," he said.
She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He had one arm wrapped around her shoulder as he held her hand in his, enjoying this moment together- being able to touch her and hold her.
"Why were you going to stop my wedding?" Y/N asked after a few minutes of silence.
Chris let out a deep breath. "I couldn't let you get married without knowing I never got over you," he said without hesitation. He looked down at her. "Why did you call off the wedding?"
"Chris, I never got over you," she admitted. "No matter how hard I tried, I never stopped loving you."
Chris leaned forward and released the butterflies in her stomach the second he kissed her. She didn't waste a second to kiss him back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Chris' hands moved to her waist and pulled her closer to his chest. The kiss was deep and passionate, making up for lost time.
They pulled back with their foreheads pressing against each other. Y/N cupped Chris' cheek as she looked deep into his ocean blue eyes. Chris' grip tightened on her waist, too scared to let her go.
"Where do we go from here?" She whispered against his lips.
"Hey." A soft voice pulled Chris out of his memory. He turned around to see Y/N walking towards him in his shirt. "What are you doing up, babe? It's late."
Chris sighed and wrapped his arms around Y/N's waist, pulling her closer to his chest. "Horrible nightmare. I couldn't sleep," he buried his face at the crook of her neck.
"Aww, babe," she cooed as she ran her fingers through his soft hair. Her other hand slowly ran up and down his back, trying to soothe him. "Wanna talk about it?"
He shook his head. "No. I rather focus on right now, my reality, because it's so much better." He licked his lips before gently and softly peppered her neck with soft kisses. His lips trailed up to her jaw before capturing her lips for a deep and passionate kiss. His hands moved down to her butt. He gave it a gentle squeeze before he grabbed her butt firmly as she jumped and wrapped her legs around his hips.
"I love you, so much," he said in between kisses.
She pulled back to look at him. With her left hand, she pushed his hair back, taking in every one of his features for the millionth time. She loved the way his blue eyes sparked and the way they looked when he was in awe with her every time his eyes locked with hers. Her fingertips traced his well structured jaw, his beard tickling her in the process. She smiled at him as she rested her hand above his heart. She felt it thundering against his bare chest. Her smile grew wider as she stared at the silver wedding band on her wedding finger.
Her eyes flickered up, "are you sure you're not nervous about tomorrow?"
"No. I'm ready. I'm actually very excited. Are you nervous?"
"A little bit," she admitted with a smile. "But I'm more excited. We're flying out to pick up a baby. Our baby."
Chris' eyes welled up as the day had finally arrived after years of going through the long and hard process of adopting.
"I love you, so damn much," he said.
"I love you too," she whispered against his lips before she kissed him.
#chris evans#chris evans fanfiction#chris evans imagine#chris evans imagines#chris evans fan fiction#Chris Evans x reader
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