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shinycollarboneapologist · 1 year

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PLEASE GIVE US WHAT WE WANT (TAYLOR VERSE TALKING ABOUT RUMORS)

sighs. (if i get bullied off of tumblr.com .. ur all coming with me)

when the article first drops, you have to stifle a laugh. matty and taylor are no strangers to dating rumors, but seeing a headline about the two of them makes your skin heat and your stomach flip. so you laugh to ease unhinged green monster that's on your back. you know it's not true, you're literally sat in front of taylor drinking an aperol spritz in italy. there's no way. (she's also grossly uninterested especially after hearing what went down with the two of you in the states, which kind of spurred the whole girls trip but that's besides the point).

it still stings though; looking at the person you had so viciously claimed as yours (even if it was just to yourself) being linked up with your best friend. and it's poorly timed. your life had been blissfully matty free for weeks. it was your own doing seeing as you blocked his number and on all social media platforms possible, but now here you are trying to ward of misplaced jealousy with alcohol and sunshine.

taylor makes light of it over lunch and you two share a laugh about the timing of it all. it helps to ease the fire in you, makes swallowing the pill of acceptance a little bit easier.

he calls later that night. well, you recieve a call from george and when you answer there's heavy breathing on the line until you roll your eyes, "george? what's up?"

"i need to talk to you."

matty.

you inwardly groan, but it must have slipped out because he only sighs.

"i'm hanging up, matty." his name feels foreign on your tongue, syllables that haven't been uttered together in weeks. his voice still makes you tense up, still has your heart racing a bit in your chest.

"no. i mean, please don't," he murmurs feebly.

"what is it then?" you're growing impatient and you're unsure if its in yourself for not just biting the bullet and hanging up or at him for his long winded round about way to get a sentence out. "i don't have all day."

"taylor and i aren't dating," matty breathes, "just wanted you to know that before you see it."

you laugh, embittered, "i've seen it already. and i know. i'm with her right now."

he curses under his breath, "i'm not on speaker, am i?"

"no."

"okay good."

it's silent, aside from the sound of his feet hitting the floor on the other side of the phone. he's pacing, and by the sounds of it, the phone is shuffling under his ear as he ruffles his hair. you hear the click of a lighter and an inhale.

"i'm not that much of a dick, y'know? wouldn't go after your friend after you ended things-"

"matty. i mean this in the nicest conceievable way possible: i really don't care," you interupt, but he keeps going.

"like you know i'm not a dick. i'm just wired differently, and i do some stupid shit a lot of the time. but fucking your friends and stuff would not be one of them- oh."

"we haven't spoken in weeks. and this is what you call me about? a stupid rumor?" you can practically see him wince in your head. you do feel bad, but not bad enough to take back what you said at least. he'd dug his own grave, and now it was his turn to lie in it and face any repercussions he had garnered from it. "listen, i'm sorry people are being rude to you on the internet but i meant it when i said i didn't want to see or hear from you ever again."

"i was just trying to-"

"prove to me that you're not a dick, i get that," you sigh, "but you're about four weeks late on that one."

you hang up after that, not wanting to listen to his endless and ill-fated apologies. if he was actually sorry, he would've reached out sooner, made an effort at least. instead, he's popped your "matty-free bubble" and its taking every last fiber of your being not to call him back and let him spew it all on you. you would consume every lie he ever spun you happily if you could just have your own peace of mind back. because he might not be dating taylor, but that doesn't mean there won't be others.

it's a hard pill to swallow; looking at something that was so uniquely yours as it fades out of view. but you do it anyway for your own solitude.

#taylor!verse talk #i didn't edit this.#i just wrote what i felt.#takes place after hoax.#ur welcome <3 #💭 - matty.

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just-null-cult · 7 months

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YO, SUPER LATE SUPER LONG SUPER MESSY OCTOBER POST THAT I JUST SHOVED EVERYTHING INTO BC I DIDN'T WANT TO DO MULTIPLE. FUCK IT.

I forgot halfway that these were supposed to be costumes and not mini aus... SO REMEMBER IN MY PLACE, EVERYTHING IS HYPOTHETICAL. also. some have a bit of yandere elements to them bc its SO FITTING FOR NORITOSHI.

Happy late October, everyone. it's winter now. Let's get it, baby.

[Long rambles and doodles under the cut!]

Vampire!

I kept asking myself, "How sexy is too sexy.." and "How the fuck does a sexy vampire even look like without it being a shirtless guy w fangs or Edward Cullen....." I think I figured it out

Sure, sure, vampires are superhumans with sun allergies that can drink blood really hotly. They can also easily overpower you to feast and blah blah blah, but what if said vampire (Noritoshi) was too weak to do any of that? Not literally, but he craves your say. He wants not only your blood but your affection. He wants to get praised as he drinks you in. Are you comfortable? How much will you allow him to take? Do you want to get him back in return? Guidance with this makes him feel more at ease. It's still Noritoshi at the end of the day. He's going to find a way to be a little awkward about you because of his crush. He refuses to drink from anyone other than you, even if it causes his death. Therefore, he has to keep you healthy! For the rest of your lives..! Besides, he can't really go outside or else he'd.. y'know. So if you think about it, this is a very beneficial relationship for both of you!!

The only downside is that you're losing blood on the regular, and for some reason, more people are moving away... Probably nothing, right? Noritoshi is always there to keep you company and help you recover anyways.

Witch!

my attempts also bled into the witch design.... you got greedy with requesting two in one ask, but I'll spoil you this time bc I also wanted to see Noritoshi as a (sexy) vampire and witch. heh. AND I DIDNT REALIZE HED BE SO CUTE AS A WITCH..... WHAT THE FUCK?? rip momo, fight for your title of cute witch...

Noritoshi strikes me as one of those witches who'd rather be left to their own devices because they're running some important magic whatever in the background. though, he'll take some breaks and indulge you if you insist on having him around. Insist meaning you pass by and strike conversation, leaving him to neglect anything and everything to prioritize his time with you. He doesn't want to use magic on you unless it's beneficial for either you or both. Noritoshi likes a natural progression with you that he knows for a fact is true and not some product of some spell. Though it doesn't mean he wouldn't use charms and such to get you to interact with him more often to speed up the process!

Can't sleep? He has a remedy perfect for that! Bad luck? Oh no, take a charm. Nerves? A potion he perfected will help you ease your jitters. Annoying peers? With a snap of Noritoshi's fingers, they're gone! Just don't ask what happened. Enjoy yourself instead and come to him with any new issue. He's quick to resolve it.

Definitely has some sort of doll that looks suspiciously like you.. Noritoshi would probably talk to it and practice one liners that give you the strongest sense of nostalgia once he uses them. He's simultaneously giddy that the charm he put in the doll works but also a little annoyed that his hard work isn't surprising you, but leaving you with deja vu.

Idol!

i was crying the entire time bc what does an idol look like.... noritoshi is handsome enough to be an idol without actually being an idol... now i can confirm that idols are very well dressed though. thumbs up 100% but i had some thoughts...

[Idol]

Noritoshi would be the type to cherish his fans, but hold clear favoritism over you. he'd be those idols that look cold, but they talk, and they sound smug in a charming way. i don't know much about idols, but i know he'd be so fucking good.... he'd be the type of guy to sing to you amongst the hundreds in the crowd.... ahhh the interviews w these famous aus. they're just talking and acting like themselves. can you imagine Noritoshi getting asked the question if he has a lover or not? he can lie, im sure you're alright with that, but he doesn't want to!! he does have someone!!! someone he loves more than all his fans love for him combined!!! he just can't say it for the sake of your privacy and his career. so Noritoshi does what any charming guy who's good with their words does. he deflects the question. answering the question, but not really, that'd be something he's known for. fans online are split on why Noritoshi does this. some think he's trying to keep that side of his life private, others think he's trying to mess around, and others think he's hiding a secret lover!!! though the last one is usually seen as the outlandish one, sometimes it makes Noritoshi's heart drop bc they get some things right. "Having a lover is a complicated question hidden behind a simple disguise. If I had to answer, I'd say my lovers are my audience. they make sure i'm well cared for, some more than others." AND HIS FUCKING LITTLE SMIRK I CANT COUGHS UP BLOOD. IM A THEORIST TOO. SECRET LOVER. 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

ON THE FLIP SIDE....

[Not an Idol]

An amusing thought where Noritoshi goes out in his casual clothes, and he's mistaken for an idol. No one knows who he is, but he just looks like he'd be one. bro's just trying to buy groceries, and now he has a fan group asking him to take pictures with them.. He'd tell them that he's just a guy, not an idol, but the group would still want a picture with him. it'd be a waste to pass by someone who's so naturally gorgeous, so with a sigh of defeat, he relents. It's just a photo, right? No harm done. Noritoshi'd go home and feel overwhelmed/embarrassed by the whole ordeal. later, he gets a call from someone in the kyoto group or you to inform him how he's all over social media, known as that handsome guy in the supermarket. HED BE COMPLETELY UNREACHABLE TO MEDIA OUTLETS BC NORITOSHI IS THAT GUY WHO DOESNT HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA.... he'd have to make one to make sure no one pretends to be him online. "Hello, I don't use social media, but I've been informed I've been getting attention online. To prevent anyone from being fooled by an impersonator, this is my official and only account. thank you." P.R. STATEMENT WRITING ASS.. his single post gets flooded with likes, comments, and DMs. it almost blows up his phone..... he was just buying bread, dude...... people try to dig up and find him through the other Kyoto group's social media.

[bonus] my second in command requested to put him in a fem idol outfit bc he thought it was funny. after frothing at the mouth and coughing out blood, I complied.

Doctor!

THIS IS SUCH A STRAIGHT FORWARD ASK BUT IT HAS SO MANY IMPLICATIONS. MY BELOVED CULT MEMBER.. THOSE EMOJIS GIVE ME A DIFFERENT IMPRESSION BUT IM NOT SURE.

Noritoshi as a doctor...... apple sales would plummet. his little clinic's business would skyrocket. sick cases would peak in his area. getting your heart checked by his stethoscope would be so fucking embarrassing bc all he'd hear is THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP

LIKE IMAGINE IF THAT WAS YOUR DOCTOR? BRO.

COUGH COUGH HACK WHEEZE COUGH COUGH.

Noritoshi would probably own a small clinic that he wants to expand. That or he opened one after working for a hospital for a while. He's a great doctor who's most likely respected but a pain in the ass to work with. Among patients, he's gotten the hot doctor reputation. Most want to be treated by him, but he's so professional, any chance of trying to flirt goes down the drain. Yeah, he puts his hair up to avoid it in his face even though his eyes are closed classic lab safety procedures. He seems like the type to have a soothing but authoritative voice during examination, so he gets his message across. it's a bit difficult when dealing with patients for Noritoshi. If he sees them too often, he firstly scolds you for not taking care of yourself, then feels guilty for not giving you the proper care. Keep yourself safe and healthy, or else Noritoshi will clearly :( Putting him in a yandere setting would be dangerous. He'd have a lot of control over you, considering he can prescribe medication, shots, visits, and other things.... he'd have a ball.... nothing that would cause you any harm, of course. he's only looking out for you and doing what's best for you..!

Pirate!

my second in command wanted a pirate. pirates are so fucking cool and i know damn well if this guy were a pirate he'd have a bunch of battle scars under that fancy coat.

Noritoshi as a pirate would be more than a little odd, but also fitting. He looks like the type of guy who'd be well put together, yet he's willing to get his hands dirty. Like the guy who got into the pirate life because of some personal issue that couldn't be solved fast enough through conventional means. Even as a pirate, i imagine he holds everyone to high standards. They're still pirates though.. so his expected standards aren't even that high. He has more freedom here, so even he himself lets loose once or twice. Especially with you. He's even able to get away with more violent actions for you, the seas are unpredictable, after all. While taking some treasure, Noritoshi'd toss you a gem or golden coin, just so you can say you were the first to claim it. Just so he can see that happy glint in your eyes when getting your hands on treasure. God forbid anyone try to get their hands on your hard earned goods. They'd be met with a bullet to the foot or a sword at their neck. Everyone and their mother knows how you're his favorite, but Noritoshi downplays it. Its not a crime to help out someone from his crew is it? Not in the seven seas. He leans more into his cold ruthless killer side here. He has goals and people to help keep in line whether hes captain or not. Yet when around you, he's almost adorable in how he shows you a pearl so entrancing that it reminded him of you.

Corpse Bride!

my submission to my Noritoshi Halloween costume closet.. CORPSE BRIDE, THIS MOVIE FUCKS. esp w the yandere elements.

Noritoshi 100% made you recite the wedding vows to him before accepting the ring. If you fumbled up, he'd correct you with SO much attitude and expect you to start from the top until you got it perfectly.

Hypothetically, in the chalice scene towards the end..

Noritoshi is the type to never be fully relaxed unless he knows for sure you'll be eternally his. In this scenario, YOU proposed to HIM but have to die to continue being together. Not only that, but someone in the living world is also after your heart. Someone who bleeds. Someone who's the obvious choice. Someone who can give you the life that you deserve. Someone who will succeed in their pursuits if you. remain. alive. Noritoshi's life was cut short, yet he still managed to lose so much and be abandoned a considerable amount of times. When he meets you and finds out about the possibility of having to go through that again even in death, it finally clicks in his rotting mind. He realizes he's been doing something wrong to keep constantly failing. Noritoshi revises his methods to a more.. selfish course. Why should he care about anyone else's wants or how his actions hurt them? You were the only one who made him truly fulfilled, to make him feel alive. The only one who deserves anything and everything good that comes from this world. Destiny is never done toying with him when he realizes your marriage is invalid because of your pulse and his lack thereof no matter how hard he'd try, but the opportunity arises. of course, he's ecstatic to give you an afterlife worth much more than what a silly beating heart can achieve. "All people die eventually. If you miss your living family or friends, all it takes is patience, darling. I'll wait by your side in the meantime." He weighs the pros and cons of everything, but when it comes to swaying manipulating your thoughts he only highlights the ones that'll get you on his side. in this case, the pros of dying to be with him! Honestly, the answer was so obvious that Noritoshi didn't know why he was stressing about it before. It hurts him to see you in any type of pain, but he reassures both himself and you that it'll only be for a moment. Afterward, he'll have the rest of your afterlives to make it up to you!! What happened to Till Death Do Us Part? Noritoshi thinks it's insulting that something as shallow as that could be so widely accepted. If your love were true, it wouldn't stop just because the world decided to take them away. "Till death do us part? Darling, don't be silly. 'Not even death will do us part' feels much better, doesn't it?"

#noritoshi #kamo noritoshi #noritoshi kamo #noritoshi x reader #kamo noritoshi x reader #noritoshi kamo x reader #yandere noritoshi #yandere kamo noritoshi #yandere noritoshi kamo #merry october #???#ragingbisegzual #charamander459 #I FUCKING LIVED THROGUH THIS GOD I FELT SO BAD I TOOK SO LONG ESP SINCE ITS ALREADY HALFWAY INTO NOVEMBER BUT HERE WE GO. BABY IS HERE #i thought i was so smart making this look like a fashion show. anyway hi im still alive just busy #vampire and witch nori were makin my brain fry bc all the outfits for guys were their shirt off. it was both funny and testing my creativit #as for idol.. heh. <- in love with forbidden love and secret relationships and 'we shouldnt be doing this' 'i know' *does it anyway*#I WAS TEARING MY HAIR OUT AT DOCTOR. LIKE I LIKE THE CONCEPT BUT WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO.. PUT HIM IN SCRUBS???#im not upset im just so entertained by how straight forward you were yet there are still so many implications in this ask #LIKE YOU WROTE FOUR WORDS AND TWO EMOJIS AND THATS ALL IT TOOK FOR ME TO DO A DOUBLE TAKE #now that i think abt it. i shouldve put him in a hot nurse outfit... //punches myself in the face #THATS WHY ANY FAMOUS/ROYAL/REPUTATION AU IS MY SHIT BC THEY HAVE TO HIDE THEIR RELATIONSHIP/EACHOTHER AGH FROTHS AT THE MOUTH #i love how the pirate noritoshi is a cool guy until he sees you and turns into a simp #CORPSE BRIDE WAS SO SELF INDULGENT. THAT MOVIE FUCKS SO HARD. THE USE OF 'DARLING' WAS BC EMILY USED IT IN THE MOVIE #IT HAD SO MANY YAN VIBES BUT FUCK. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A GREEN FLAG EMILY. I LOVE YOU #heh. the lace and mask are supposed to represent the bones and such. didnt mean to give him a phantom of the opera look.. though it fits...

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paunchsalazar · 6 months

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keep thinking about Scott and Wallace going back to their apartment for the first time since his presumed death (because I think even if they’re going to try and be a couple no way he’s moving in with Ramona after one date and an encounter with their future selves) even if his death might’ve gotten him out of their lease. actually.. now that he’s back… he probably needs to pay rent…

all his stuff is still there, except for the jacket, some clothes are still on the floor (because Wallace hasn’t really been home all that much, okay!) his toothbrush is still in the cup on the sink.. they have accidentally used each other’s so many times anyway, why throw it out…

getting ready for bed and getting into their shared futon.. was it always this small? can’t believe Wallace ends up living in a huge mansion and that Scott is still crashing at his place…

#the futon is tiny but it felt so big #Idk if Scott would ask about Todd being obsessed with Wallace but I want him to…#just like yeah he kept asking me questions about like what shampoo you use and stuff…#and Wallace does not elaborate on Todd wearing the Scott wig the entire time…#I wrote a fic outline in my notebook but I can’t deal with that rn…#debated pov too much… I feel like Wallace knows what it was like to be without Scott but he also hides so much… hmm #wallace wells #scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim takes off #scollace

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acekindaneat · 11 months

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Serirei Week !!

Day 3: firsts/love languages

Reigen finds himself speechless (rare occasion)

continuation below but it's written form !! ↓↓

Serizawa gave him a slight nod, his face unreadable but tense. He gently directed Reigen towards the couches and sat him down. Wordlessly sitting beside him, he opened the first aid kit and rummaged through it.

Reigen watches in cautious silence, eyeing his coworker's rigid movements. The cloth he used to temporarily cover the large scratch left by the spirit was starting to itch. He slowly untied the knot with his uninjured hand and peeled off the blood-soaked makeshift bandage. It was drying off, but it still looked terrible. Four large gashes across his forearm, it almost looks like a scratch from a big cat.

Serizawa shifting closer brought Reigen's attention back to him. Their eyes met for a second before Serizawa looked down at his arm with a wince. Guilt evident on his face as he wet a towel with water and started to wipe off the blood with the lightest touch he could manage. Reigen swallowed the lump in his throat, the tense silence was getting to him so he spoke up.

"This could be part of your training, you know." He lightly joked, shrugging with his unoccupied shoulder. "It's important to know first aid, especially in our line of work." Serizawa's eyebrows furrowed as a frown formed on his face, but didn't take his eyes off his work, nor did he say anything back. As soon as the blood that smeared was gone, he grabbed the disinfectant and a cotton ball.

It was gonna sting, Reigen already knew that, but he still felt his heart flutter when Serizawa glanced up at him with a sorry look and muttered, "This might sting..."

Reigen didn't miss the way Serizawa was holding his hand with his free hand. He didn't miss the way his thumb was soothing the back of his palm with light strokes. He didn't miss the way he could feel the warmth radiating off of Serizawa's body just from how close they were sitting. Reigen felt himself gulp, not sure if it was in preparation for the pain, or to force himself back to retain his composure.

He let out a small hiss and a wince, before letting it dissipate quickly upon seeing Serizawa's face look more like a kicked puppy. He knows the man felt guilty for not arriving quick enough to prevent the spirit from hurting Reigen further. It wasn't his fault though. He can't blame Serizawa, not when he looked this sorry.

Gentle, flitting hands finally wrapped the wound in a bandage and secured it carefully. When it was done, Serizawa didn't move away, but instead let his hand rest on the wrapped arm, slowly rubbing his thumb against it like it would help heal the wound faster. It might, Reigen could hope. He could hope that this moment lasts. He looked up at Serizawa with a soft look, hoping that his message came across. Please.

Serizawa looked up at Reigen's eyes with the same level of fondness. Despite what he feels, it still scares Reigen, to see someone look at him like that. He's scared of seeing it often that he'll get attached to it, attached to the fondness, attached to feeling loved.

He almost felt himself jump when Serizawa gently held his hand up and pressed Reigen's palm against his lips with closed eyes. It's like his heart stopped, his breath hitching as he inhaled sharply.

This seemed to wake Serizawa from whatever trance he was in and pulled away, his face flushed red. His gaze landed everywhere except Reigen's as he cleared his throat and gathered up the used cotton balls and the bloodied washcloth. "I'll, uhm, throw these away. I'll grab some ice for your neck.. and make you some green tea in a bit..." He paused, sparing Reigen a glance and assessing his state.

"I'm glad you're okay, Reigen.." Serizawa spoke again, then escaped to the restroom to clean his hands off. Reigen sat there staring at his palm, dumbfounded and speechless.

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laniemae · 7 months

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The sexualisation of Mikoto, stalking, and how the fandom is repeating this.

CW: Stalking, sexual harassment, fanservice, murder

I’ve been thinking a lot about Double’s thumbnail, and especially the stalking theory. And if you think about it a lot basically everything fits up and that his victim was likely his stalker. Although a lot about what happened I never really have seen discussion on the why or how it’s been happening, so I just want to give my thoughts and theories on this all before Double.

The fanservice in MeMe:

The fanservice in MeMe has always felt really off to me. Milgram never has any fanservice-y stuff, minus Yuno in Tear Drop, but it’s only just her revealing outfit and nothing to do with strange camera angles or whatnot, and it’s very important to her character. For me and what I’ve think the consensus in the fandom has been, is it’s nothing more than that. That the fanservice is only there to appeal to thirsty fans or whatever. But I’ve been thinking a lot, and with the music videos extracted from prisoners minds, everything has a meaning in one way or the other. So for the creators to just throw a bunch of fanservice scenes in MeMe with no meaning apart from just plain fanservice feels really counter intuitive to the whole point of the MVs. And especially how this has never happened before makes it really strange to me. And with this idea in mind and going back to the stalking theory I mentioned earlier, I think it’s disgustingly clear what has happened to Mikoto.

Mikoto being watched:

I think what’s going on is that Mikoto was stalked for sexual reasons. The constant scenes of him in embarrassing moments (taking of his shirt, having a shower, having a bath) is what the stalker has been seeing and this subconsciously put itself into MeMe from Mikoto’s POV. Camera imagery in MeMe is very prevalent, from at the beginning him grabbing the camera and at the end him picking it up and punching it. I think this is supposed to represent him realising he’s being stalked and trying to hunt down who’s been doing it, and the destruction of the camera at the end to represent him killing the person.

Also around the middle of the song, we see security cam footage of him entering his apartment and crying on his couch, with Mikoto hyperventilating and gasping in the background. I feel like with everything I’ve said before this scene makes it extremely clear, that someone put up a bunch of camera around his house to catch him in those moments, if we’re taking that scene literally.

Then it cuts to him laughing at the screen in darkness, and the aforementioned fanservice scene right after this sequence of events really makes things scary to what was happening in his house. And also like I said before about the hyperventilating during this scene. I could mean multiple things such as him having a panic attack, being actually attacked or worse.

And the imagery of being watched doesn’t stop at just the camera stuff. At the beginning of MeMe in the scene at the train station, the camera moves around from behind a wall to reveal Mikoto sitting there holding a bat, like someone is watching him directly. To further back this up there’s a vignette around the edge of the camera and wee see it blink, like from a POV shot. And after the blink Mikoto disappears, and then we see him outside swinging a bat at the POV (just want to note this is outside and is probably in a different place than the train station, but I don’t know what to make of that right now, and how also the vignette I pointed out before isn’t present here). Then it cuts back to the scene in the train station, now with Mikoto holding a bat and walking towards someone on the ground, attacking them. Noticeably the vignette is still here in this scene, so the person Mikoto was attacking likely wasn’t his stalker, perhaps he just thought they were.

Wait I suddenly just got a theory from this. I just mentioned how the vignette in the scene I just mentioned likely means that Mikoto attacked someone else and the stalker was watching on. Me and basically everyone else has assumed that guy was his victim, but then what about the stalker? I’ve always strongly believed that Mikoto only killed one person but now I’m just starting to doubt that. If MeMe is to be taken in chronological order in this part, he probably killed that guy then realised that he was continuing being stalked. And as I said at the beginning of my analysis I mentioned that Mikoto punching the camera at the end could be representative of him killing the stalker and ending it (also to mention he gets the death card right before hand). And I didn’t think of it when I wrote that but what if he did actually kill multiple people in an attempt to kill his stalker. Hmm.

And going back to what I was talking about before, he probably entered his apartment afterwards and switched to Bluekoto after it was assumed everything was safe now. (Just saying I’m using Mikoto interchangeably to refer to all of the alters as it’s not clear who’s doing what, but this takes the theory of that blue was the murderer and not the other/s into account, because there’s a part of me that feels it wasn’t him attacking those people as red/green has a strong desire to protect blue and hide him from the traumatic events taking place).

I feel like I’ve gone way off track with what I’ve been saying here because while writing this I just keep noticing more and more stuff to write down and I just thought of someone thing again.

Every time it appears that Mikoto killed someone (the train scene, the garbage scene although the bag doesn’t look like a human body just saying), it cuts to a fanservice-y scene right after, maybe implying that the person he killed wasn’t the stalker, and he’s still being watched afterwards. Although this makes the bath scene kinda out of place as it doesn’t take place after a murder I think, and someone mentioned it was before the shower scene which kinda debunks this but I just wanted to mention this because why not.

Mikoto’s mindscape in MeMe:

Another thing I’ve been thinking about a lot is every character’s “mindscapes” as I call them. Yuno has an empty pink void with a tower, Fuuta has a fantasy land, Mahiru has a room inside a birdcage ect. And all of these places represent an aspect of their characters. Yuno’s representing her feelings of emptiness, Fuuta feeling that everything he’s doing is for justice and that he’s a cool hero, Mahiru being trapped and sheltered in an ideal concept of love and stuff like that. I’m going to make a theory on this in the future as it’s very interesting to me but Mikoto’s mindscape is always something that’s confused me.

Mikoto’s mindscape is a parallel of his apartment. Down to the couches, tables and everything, but lacking the bookcase and tv being buried in the water for whatever reason.

(Also I just noticed but there’s a blue thing behind the couch that Mikoto laid his head down on before which could be a bed or whatever. But in the mindscape and this other shot we don’t see it???)

(Actually maybe we do if we squint, oh well)

Okay, okay back to what I was actually going to say. The furniture from the apartment appearing in the mindscape makes sense, but what about everything else? The broken, tiled walls, the mirror, how everything is covered in a thin layer of water, the clear blue sky. There’s a bunch of this stuff I could analyse in my future post about mindscapes but I’ll just say the stuff that relates to what I was talking about earlier. But to say it right now, I think all that other stuff is supposed to be the bathroom we see him in.

Notice here the tiles are exactly the same, and we even see the same mirror he looks at himself in, in real life then Mikoto in the mindscape.

Also to point out how the Mikoto we see looking into the mirror here is wearing a sleeve and likely in the mindscape and as someone mentioned, since the ahoge is backwards it’s likely a reflection. Although it’s strange that it has the same green filter both ways.

After this we see bluekoto (presumably) fall backwards into the water. And another strange thing I noticed is that this mirror is behind the couch, but when he falls down the couch is tipped over.

Don’t know what it make of this but again I’m just constantly pointing stuff out I notice as writing this.

So basically I think the mindscape is a mix of the living room and the bathroom. The furniture from the living room and the water, mirror and tiles from the bathroom. But this makes things confusing, why the bathroom? Why would Mikoto project imagery of his bathroom into his own mindscape? This brings me to what I was saying before. The walls in the mindscape are completely collapsed, providing no closure or privacy to this “room”. The sky is also out, so his mindscape feels very exposed. And what I said earlier about my staking theory. It’s likely that someone placed cameras up in/around his bathroom to record him naked, a complete breach of privacy and that’s why this mindscape is so exposed and has elements from there. Even in this world that he created, he still doesn’t feel safe at all.

The audience and the repeating of Mikoto’s trauma:

Basically to sum it up from what I’ve said. Mikoto was being stalked and sexualised by someone. Cameras were placed up around his house to record him in embarrassing situations and he figured out, and attempted to kill the stalker.

But here’s one thing, that story we likely see in MeMe is happening again. But with the audience.

When MeMe came out everyone went ballistic. Lots of people were very surprised in how violent it was, how compared to the calm preview we saw it instantly started off with death metal and destroyed every idea we had about him, and kept switching between being calm and violent. But what I want to walk about right now is the reaction to the fanservice.

As we all know, when MeMe released a horde of thirsty tiktokers came over and started absolutely obsessing over Mikoto and all the fanservice scenes we see. Things got so out of control that people tried to vote him innocent just because he was hot and even jackalope bought this up. But thinking about this, it’s getting dangerously close to what I think happened in his story. Being filmed in embarrassing moments without consent, and having people obsess and sexualise you for that. The music videos are representative of the prisoner’s minds, and in no way would have Mikoto known how he was shown naked and shirtless for a huge chunk of MeMe. Same as him being stalked and recorded in his story if I’m right.

The fandom here is doing exactly what his perpetrator did to him down to a T. It’s almost like what happened with Amane when people tried to reverse her brainwashing by showing her tough love by not forgiving her, exactly like what the cult did to her to try and make her obey them more. This thing is happening to Mikoto as well as Amane and repeating their traumas. And also to mention how Mikoto has DID which is a result of repeated childhood abuse so it’s likely this has been happening to him alot and just can’t escape from this reality. And for the alters to take in all the trauma and leave the host blissfully unaware of everything’s that’s happening.

This brings into account how the guilty prisoners can hear the voices of the audience judging them. Fuuta completely broke down as he was constantly harassed with strange voices judging him and denying his actions. And he’s mentioned a lot of times how he can’t stand this feeling of being watched and this manifests through the eyes in Backdraft. And with Mikoto from everything I’ve been saying before it’s very likely he has trauma from this. And now feeling like he’s being watched and hearing the voices of the audience, who we know constantly sexualises him. It’s likely he’ll have to relive his trauma once again that he thought he finally escaped…

Conclusion / TL;DR

To sum this whole theory up I believe that fanservice in MeMe actually has importance besides just fanservice. And it’s likely Mikoto was being stalked by someone and recorded in those situations, and he ended up hunting the person down and killing them. And now because of the audience’s constant thirsting over him and how the guilty prisoners can hear everything we say about them, Mikoto will have to relive his suffering again.

Other things I’d like to briefly mention but didn’t have any space to put in, Is how since Mikoto rides a bike instead of a train to work as he said but we see lots of train imagery. And I think what happened is that he was probably being harassed on the train and switched to going to work alone. And the thumbnail in Double we see him looking depressed, on a train surrounded by destroyed mannequins.

#milgram #Mikoto kayano #milgram theory #cw stalking #cw s3xual harassment #After writing this I’m becoming more and more scared for what we’ll see in double #I’ve never really seen this theory talked about in much detail and connecting it to the stalking theory and this is my thoughts on it #I kept getting off track writing this and came up with a bunch of mini theories I just shoved in there that were somewhat related #ADHD brain working again #I also wanted to point out the parallels with Amane on the audience repeating the character’s traumas #I find it really interesting how milgram does something like that which I have never sen in any media before #I just want mikoto to be happy #I never usually write stuff on this topic but the more I kept thinking about it the more likely it seemed #Repost because it didn’t show up in tags #Also for something I want to note after I posted this is that mikoto is always shown sitting with his legs spread out #To the point we never see him sitting normally #I hope this doesn’t mean anything but I felt like it could possibly be related but I don’t want it to #LanieMae’s theories #To note I had to censor the Tw tag because it blocked my post if I wrote it normally sorry about that

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aroanthy · 2 months

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kiryuu sibling stasis post-32 is so interesting to me. nanami tries to leave and is (temporarily but also, crucially, violently) prevented from doing so by touga and akio. after this experience she puts distance between herself and them: she leaves touga’s phone in the car, she resigns from the student council (though she dons her old uniform still), she repeatedly dismisses and undermines the authority of the rose code, of end of the world, of akio, of touga. but she’s still in ohtori, isn’t she? uncomfortable with the idea of leaving, uncertain if it’s really possible. she tried before, and it hurt her. deeply. it’s so interesting to me, nanami’s agency and how she limits her exertion of it after 32, when she realises it for what it is. contrast that with touga, who accepts this weird stalemate between them, who is, really, uninterested in having any relationship of any kind with nanami if he can’t gain something from her. he’s very passive with her after 32, compared to the passivity he’d always feigned towards her before in order to stoke reactions from her and then exploit them. i was thinking about how touga has always been able to sever his relationship with nanami, but chosen not to; first out of a sense of obligation (‘we should live to help each other’) then a realisation of how that could be exploited. i was thinking about how nanami has never realised her ability to leave, in part because it is limited by touga and the harm he does her. i was thinking about the desperation and confusion akio calls out to anthy with as she leaves. i was thinking about how different that is to the kiryuus’ strange semi-breakdown; touga doesn’t want or need nanami, and nanami might love her brother but she cannot trust him or feel safe around him, doesn’t want to see him anymore; she’s itching to leave, and just a little scared (you know, because last time she tried that her brother assaulted her), and he’s not doing anything because ignoring her means he doesn’t have to deal with the emotions of her leaving or staying. something something gendered power dynamics something something tragic siblings

#local kiryuu sibling enjoyer has thoughts about them #i wrote this like three days ago but it’s getting posted now i have to speak my truth #touga loves a bit of inaction #nanami doesn’t but what the fuck else is she gonna do?? be brave? she tried that already #and she WILL try it again and i don’t think touga will try particularly hard to stop her #i think he might try a little but in doing so he’ll just become more aware of how much he doesn’t want to do that #and is only doing it bc of a vague sense of obligation to a perspective on life that he’s already questioned a la utena #im just. i have so many feelings about them. i bet none of you were aware of that fact already #i am once again wondering: does touga love nanami? what does that mean for each of them?#and im concluding: i really don’t think he does #i think he’s felt obligation to her and turned bitter towards that emotion and her in turn #i think he has no idea how to feel about her so he ignores the problem and exploits HER feelings as he thinks he understands them #until he realises that he doesn’t and has to deal (a little bit) with the ramifications of that #touga and anthy when nanami makes them self reflect. or swagever. the 32 way. neither of them would ever admit this but it’s true #dais.txt #her tragedy her triumph

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thebonejunky · 1 year

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i really don't see harrow ever choosing alecto over gideon. harrows love for alecto seems much more akin to worship- a religious fanatic obsessed with the beauty and ethereal energy of the thing inside the tomb she has worshiped all her life. she also only knows alecto as a corpse and a hallucination, she doesn't know her as a person. harrows love for gideon has been a life-long endeavor full of struggle and conflict and intimacy and shared pain. it is human. they work because they are both so incredibly flawed and they can connect through those flaws. their initial hatred for each other stems from the fact that they know too much about one another. harrow and gideon's relationship is sustainable because it has already survived through so much. i don't see harrow and alecto lasting. not to mention the fact that harrow lobotomized and tortured herself and went to the ends of the earth to get gideon back. even if she doesn't see it herself, she loves gideon more than anyone else in the universe including alecto

#wrote this cause i some some people talking abt what if harrow chooses alecto over gideon #which just doesnt seem like a reasonable or satisfying ending to me #tlt #the locked tomb #griddlehark #everything i said here seems very obvious to me i also scraped this cause i felt like it didnt need to be pointed out #but i still like talking abt it and writing out my observations

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anna-scribbles · 2 months

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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work

unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion

#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad #because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid #i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back #i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades #i might be able to snag a short nap before work #but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen #WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE #well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway #OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently #emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it #and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry #so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m #so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point #anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari #after escaping her british nobility life #and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known #and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time #also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w #but at least he’s still obsessed with her #this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml #anna rambles #asks

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boyfriendgideon · 11 months

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as yr favorite local jason todd fan sometimes i get so fed up with the apparent inability of most dc comic writers to write a class conscious narrative about him.

and yes, i know that comics are a very ephemeral and constantly evolving and self-conflicting medium.

and yes, i know they’re a profit-driven art medium created in a capitalistic society, so there are very few times where comics are going to be created solely out of the desire to authentically and carefully and deliberately represent a character and take them from one emotional narrative place to another, because dc cares about profit and sometimes playing it safe is what sells.

and yes, i know comics and other forms of art reflect and recreate the society within which they were conceived as ideas, and so the dominant societal ideas about gender and race and class and so on are going to be recreated within comics (and/or will be responded to, if the writer is particularly societally conscious).

but jesus christ. you (the writer/writers) have a working class character who has been homeless, who has lost multiple parents, who has been in close proximity to someone struggling with addiction, who has had to steal to survive, who may have (depending on your reading of several different moments across different comics created by different people) been a victim of csa, who has clearly (subtextually) struggled with his mental health, who was a victim of a violent murder, and who has an entirely distinct and unique perspective on justice that has evolved based on his lived experiences.

and instead of delving into any of that, or examining the myriad of ways that classism in the writers’ room and the editors’ room and the readers’ heads affected jason’s character to make sure you’re writing him responsibly, or giving him a plotline where his views on what justice looks like are challenged by another working class character, or allowing him to demonstrate actual autonomy and agency in deciding what relationships he wants to have with people who he loves but sees as having failed him in different ways, or thinking carefully about what his having chosen an alias that once belonged to his murderer says about his decision-making and motivations, you keep him stuck in a loop of going by the red hood, addressing crime by occupying a position of relative power that perpetuates crime & harm rather than ever getting at the root causes, and seesawing between a) agreeing with his adoptive family entirely about fighting nonlethally in ways that are often inconsistent with his apparent motivations or b) disagreeing and experiencing unnecessarily brutal and violent reactions from his adoptive father as if that kind of violence isn’t the kind of thing he experienced as a child and something bruce himself is trying to prevent jason from perpetuating. because a comic with red hood, quips, high stakes, and familial drama sells.

it doesn’t matter if it keeps jason trapped, torn between an unanswered moral and philosophical question, a collection of identities that no longer fit him, and a family that accepts him circumstantially. it doesn’t matter if jason’s characterization is so utterly inconsistent that the only way to mesh it together is to piece different aspects of different titles and plotlines together like a jigsaw. it doesn’t matter if you do a disservice to his character, because in the end you don’t want to transform him or even understand him deeply enough to identify what makes him compelling and focus on that.

and i love jason!!!!! i love him. and i think about the stories we could have, if quality and art and doing justice to the character were prioritized as much as selling a title and having a dark and brooding batfam member besides bruce just to be the black sheep character are prioritized. and i just get a little sad.

#jason todd #jason todd meta #red hood #batfam #batman #dc comics #comic analysis #classism #tw: csa mention #maybe someday half of the most intriguing and nuanced aspects of his character will be touched upon #red hood outlaw 51-52 had some cool moments wrt jason + class + hometown friends + systems of power but. that was a two issue arc #and even then it was admittedly messy #GOD i want him to be three dimensional and well rounded and well used #even if a writer wrote a fucking. filler comic for an annual or smthn exploring what jason does outside of being red hood #keep the name if u want. have him have deliberately taken the name of his killer and twisted it until ppl from his city know rh #as a protector of kids and the poor and sex workers and so on. that WORKS. but show him connecting w his community #have him get involved in mutual aid. have him do something when he’s not out as red hood at night. let us see jason & barbara interact more #or jason and steph !!!!!!!! or another positive but complicated dynamic (he has a lot of those)#i just. i think that his stagnancy makes me fucking sad. i liked some aspects of task force z. felt like it ended too soon tho #FUCK the joker lets unpack his self concept & have him be a real person outside of vigilanteism (?) and vengeance #i liked some aspects of the cheer arc in batman urban legends mostly bc he had SOME agency and bc he wasn’t completely flat #even tho i hate the retconning of robin jason being angry and moody and so on #part of the problem is we don’t see him too too often for more than semi brief appearances so im so happy to see him i’ll just accept it #love the idea of a nightwing & red hood team up comic. hate that tom taylor a) wrote it and b) gave jason that stupid ass line abt justice #u think this man trusts cops ????? or the legal system !????????? BITCH.#get jason todd into like a sociology / gender and intersectionality / feminist studies class NOWWWWW #ok im done im sleepy and going to watch nimona. thx for reading to anyone who did #PLS anyone who reads this let me know what u think im frothing at the mouth rn #wes.txt #mine

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puppyeared · 10 months

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Thinking about my old pkmn ask blog

#I’m not really active in the community anymore but more because I grew away from it #I think about coming back a lot but Im not really sure what id do lol. I mean I think my storytelling and writing #skills have somewhat improved. but i still really really suck at making endings #although maybe I could make it like something that resolves the main problem and then just open for any interactions..#….fuck. I’m actually considering it now. I love impulsiveness 🧍#ugh but the other problem was that I would slowly stop updating as the dopamine slowed down and then just abandoned it altogether #multiple times in fact. since I’m the one making the content and not consuming it eeeuuhhgggghuhuhhhhhhh #this lil guy was supposed to have a story around his estranged family and his own problem with identity. I think I could still pick it up #i suck at writing edgy aloof dialogue so it always felt a little stilted or off when I wrote his dialogue. but I love him #myart #my art #oc #pokemon ask blog #pokeask #moss eevee #pokemon

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uncanny-tranny · 10 months

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I decided to go through my old warm-up notebooks from my honours english class and in one of the warm-up prompts, I said I wanted my superpower to be "controlling the effects of [my] puberty," and I'm glad to say that I've gotten that superpower. It took a very long time, but that's a superpower I can check off my list

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #ngl though i felt my very soul wince while reading some of them (including that)#in my old self's defense: i was incredibly dysphoric and had Many Unresolved Issues #i also wasn't really masking in that class and didn't know i should probably not be honest with my notebook #my teacher said that she'd only grade warm-ups we wanted graded and she'd only *potentially* read others 'for fun'#also i always didn't like the 'what superpower would YOU want?' question because. it just annoyed me to know it's impossible to have #(besides the puberty superpower lmao)#as much as i believe in being kind to your past self/selves that doesn't mean i'm not cringing about it 😭#just so long as you don't turn the cringe into self-hatred i suppose #you cannot hate yourself into being better♡♡#WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED THAT IN ONE OF THE WARM-UPS I WROTE ABOUT A LESBIAN ROBOT #NEVER MIND I'M DONE CRINGING #man i should make that into a proper short story like. what a concept

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thenotoriousscuttlecliff · 8 months

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I've seen some speculation that Moiraine and Lanfear's big confrontation will be moved forward to the end of S3. I can see that working mainly because neither really has anything much to do in The Fires of Heaven and it would make the finale of S4 less cluttered with big events.

The only reason I'd be against it is it mean losing Rosamund Pike and Natasha O'Keeffe a whole season earlier than expected, unless the writers then intended to follow Moiraine and Lanfear's experience in the world of the Finn until both come back into the main narrative, in which case I would be totally up for that. I'd love a season or two of Moiraine and Lanfear just being forced to live and work together to survive.

#wheel of time #wot on prime #wot book spoilers #moiraine damodred #lanfear #i wouldn't be against them bringing moiraine's rescue forward and then just have her take cadsuane's place #since all cadsuane does it take moiraine's place #it would be a much better use of moiraine than to not have her back until the final season #and then do nothing but tell everyone to place nice #and marry thom for some godforsaken reason #there's not even a reunion with lan or siuan #bloody sanderson felt marry thom was more important #i hope he's so irritable because he knows the show writers are just going to ignore huge chunks of what he wrote #moiraine/thom is certainly a goner #i can't see any way that would work in the show

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yache-berries · 5 months

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*sends them off to Unova for their umpteenth honeymoon in my school's clubhouse room*

#best $35 i've spent in my life hands down #the sheer joy i felt when i read the words 'my dear hass'........ it's like an ice cold bottle of dr pepper for me #also i can't get over the fact that brassius says that hassel was 'born to be a teacher'#when you KNOW brassius knows how long hassel's family has been trying to convince hassel what they think he was 'born' to do #it just makes the way they positively changed one another's lives all the more apparent and aGgGGGgHgGh iT GETS TO ME #i mean we already knew they loved each other deeply bUT NOW WE GET TO SEE EVEN MORE #don't get me started on the fact that they talk about the other in their optional dialogue....#brassius talking about how lucky you are to take hassel's classes and hassel talking about seeing brassius on the billboards in levincia...#aGGHGhgh POKÉMON WROTE SOME GOOD GAYS RIGHT HERE #also. love my new little dragon friend hydrapple. of course........ i will share yache berries with the apple dragon.#okay gotta do some bbqs to unlock them again since i reset the game to screenrecord all of their dialogue 😔🙏#pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #brassius #hassel #ephemeralartshipping #hassius #pokemon brassius #pokemon hassel #hydrapple #flygon used sketch

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slime-sandwhich-nom · 7 months

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Can't believe charlie slimecicle finally embraced his destiny and returned to the corn, where he can finally lead the corn cult.

#what the fuck did i just wrote honestly #the maze felt like #some weird lucid cult shit #def run by Cornelius #slimecicle #slmccl #charlie slimecicle

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waywardstation · 29 days

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WIP FRIDAY

I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.

BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!

I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.

The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.

Enjoy!!

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“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”

“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.

“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”

Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.

Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”

Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.

“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”

“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.

“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.

Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.

“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.

It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.

“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”

The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.

“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.

#ref for fic #BE AWARE THIS IS DISCUSSING INTENTIONAL BUT UNWILLING STARVATION #tw starvation #just in case #cause I know not everyone vibes with this story #and I’ll say it’s been weird myself returning to these segments I wrote months ago and re-reading them #AND TO BE MORE CAREFUL I talk about a personal situation sort of dealing with this below #a lot has happened in the timeframe of originally writing this and coming back to this #at the end of fall I got very very sick and it lasted well into February #I unwillingly shed thirty-five pounds because I could not eat #and I didn’t notice at all until I stopped and realized just how tight I had to make my work belt #even when family members pointed it out during the holidays when they’d hug me #it wasn’t until someone got very concerned and did something about it that I realized just how bad it was #I’m sure people remember when I mentioned I had gastritis #that’s what all this was I just never really went into detail about how bad it truely was here #so coming back and reading this segment specifically #having written it months before I went through any of this #felt really really weird and a little uncomfortable #I edited Akari’s accusations a little to fit my situation more about a month back #because I did not realize just how much more stuff like this would make you want to sleep #at least in my experience #but it’s been very very just #strange I guess coming back to this #it doesn’t make me want to not work on HFBE anymore it just feels very weird

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mixelation · 1 year

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One thing that really gets my goat about how Sakura is written is that she does occasionally start to do something, but the narrative shuts her down. Like this:

Sakura goes to leap into the arena to see Lee after his fight with Gaara. Kakashi shuts her down. Contrast this to the panels that immediately follow this one:

Naruto does the exact same thing and no one bats an eye!

It’s not that I think characters shouldn’t be stopped from doing what they want— it’s just that when it’s a consistent pattern it makes reading about the character really frustrating. When Haku traps Sasuke in his mirror prison thing, Sakura hurls a kunai to help… and Kakashi tells her to guard Tazuna. She does this obediently for the rest of the fight, INCLUDING when she literally thinks Sasuke is dead (Tazuna has to offer to go to Sasuke with her to get her to move). Sakura’s willingness to do this is actually an interesting character trait, but because it’s couched in this weird lack of agency, it makes her seem complacent and cowardly, especially when the take away of a lot of fights seems to be “try no matter what.”

Here’s another example: in the first part of the chunin exam, they’re all told they can pick to answer a final question and risk being banned from promotion, OR they can back out now and take the exam again later. If Sakura were alone, she’d take the question because she’s confident in her abilities.

However, she starts to raise her hand to back out because she wants to protect Naruto.

She backs off when Naruto gives a speech about never giving up, even though her making them all back out is arguably the more mature choice (why would you drag a teammate along on a mission you know they’ll fail?). She also tries to pull them out of the prelim tournament because Sasuke needs urgent medical attention, and he shuts her down AGAIN. Like, looking at this with the wisdom of an adult, Sakura was definitely in the right there.

To be clear, I don’t mind Sakura being a cautious killjoy to Naruto’s “Believe it!” Shonen protag energy. It’s just that whenever she tries to exercise that caution, it gets shut down and that makes it seem like a negative trait to have. (Also: contrast this to Shikamaru being REWARDED for exercising caution and knowing when to back out). I’m not even arguing that the scenes I cited need to be changed, because they do character work for Naruto and Sasuke. I’m just saying that Sakura could have gotten a few more scenes where her choices were plot relevant, and she’d be a more fleshed out character.

#nardo reread #she does get two fights but they’re not consequential to the plot #although interestingly she lies to Naruto about what happens with the oto trio #he asks why her hair is shorter and she says she just felt like a new look #and then later there’s a flashback where Sasuke tells her not to tell Naruto about the curse mark so she doesn’t #if only any of Sakura’s decisions (here— lying) had consequences!#wouldn’t that be fun!!#anyway I wrote this up bc I think this is one of the big flaws I. how kishimoto writes her #and I feel like a lot of people think she’d be ‘fixed’ by giving her a battle axe or something but no!!#just let her actions have consequences!!!

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