i straight up forgot to do one of my assignments due yesterday. what if i dropped out.

pt1 of oddly specific things that give me gender affirmation/euphoria (that may not be that odd but i didn’t expect them so shut up <3 /lh):

wallets !!!! a good stereotypically masculine wallet that’s small and leather and still has lots and lots of usability and looks like something a dad would use makes me feel so masculine !! love it

any type of trouser or bottoms with more than two pockets

windbreaker jackets - they make me go “FUCK YEEAAHH im such a boy a man a male tm yessir” and idk why they just do tho, even the fem ones to an extent

plantssss i love plants and they make me feel like a little gardner boy just yessss

energy drinks for some reason ???? they make the internal man dialogue of “IM A MANNN” go haywire so much

hairbands on my wrist and an excess of those wooden beaded bracelets or even stone beaded jewellery

cross earrings but just bc they look cool (i’m an atheist so yuh, i still love people who have religion too, y’all are awesome <3)

doing the thing with your hair where you take hair from one side and flip it on the other with one hand and its kind of like running your hand through your hair but with long hair…. esp of my other hand is on my hip and i scrunch my face ?!?!?!??!? so boyish i feel so good

dancing like an absolute idiot. i dont know why but every time i just do a little jig for myself by myself my gender is just like “yessssss you’re a boy frfr slay king”

watches !! big chunky analogue watches

following on from the last point, clocks too

mushroomsssss they make the more nonbinary side of me jump for joy cause like “yes ofc im a fucking forest goblin dude i love mushrooms im just a goblin guy leave me alone and let me love the shrooms”

sketching in public. it just doessss

camoflague clothing !! i mean this was probably obvious but when i came out to myself and i wore camo cargo pants (with loads of pockets mind you) i just freaked out in joy i felt so manly that day it was glorious

singing !! singing my favourite songs as low as i can go with it still sounding good

just being as stubborn as possible but in a non problematic (for the most part) way. like if you give me the option to make things easier and more convenient or not i’ll choose the harder option. idk it just makes me feel manly (is this toxic masculinity ?? i dont know but i try to remind myself that this only applies to non mental stuff so i don’t end up self-harming againnnn)

being unnecessarily overdressed

not brushing my hair till its perfectly untangled and just letting it be a bit wild - this came with me figuring out that my hair type is waywayway wavier/curlier than i thought my whole life and learning to take care of it the best i can whilst i have like zero products for waves/curls on hand and as a bonus i felt more masc !!

looking at the stretch marks underneath my boobs in the mirror. i have a large-ish chest i think (DD cup), plus i’m a lil chubby, so i have loads of stretch marks around my chest, and the ones underneath look like top surgery scars, so if i’m having a particularly rough day with my chest dysphoria i’ll look at em and feel a bit better

using my stim toys and accommodations with friends and by myself for my autism and adhd - being capable of taking care of myself finally makes me feel really confident and as a result quite masc as well

stimming by flipping my beaded bracelets between my fingers - this is specific to greek and possibly other cultures similar to greece but it’s typical for a lot of greek men to flip long-ish beaded loops (?? they’re not jewellery and specifically made for this but idk what they’re called so) between their fingers in a similar fashion, and it’s a thing that my dad does a lot when bored. whether neurodivergent or neurotypical it’s a very common thing for men and so doing it makes me not only feel good stimming but also feel manly as fuck ! it feels even better now that my mum saw me doing it once and said “what are you a man ??” and being closeted i had to say “idc im just flipping a bracelet why does it have to be gendered” BUT INSIDE I WAS SO HAPPY

playing card games - when i was younger and even now my dad and grandpa would let me sit in on their card games late at night when we visited them in greece and now when i play card games i always feel so calm and comforted and quietly masculine

drinkingggg now hear me out yes im a minor but i’m also half greek so as a result whenever my parents drink im allowed a bit too (under supervision ofc). anyway that out the way, i have a pretty fucking high alcohol tolerance and considering the fact that it comes from my dad (being asian, my mum’s tolerance is dogshit) plus the stereotypical “men can drink more” stuff i feel SO MANLYYYY when i can quite literally drink more than my dad and feel okay whilst he’s starting to be tipsy (just to clarify though, the stereotype is bullshit and should NOT be perpetuated as much as it is, at least with intent. you guys with low alcohol tolerances are just as manly !! maybe you’re even more manly than those with high tolerance !! and women with high tolerances, you’re still very fem and very cool and valid as a woman and those who aren’t binary or aligning you are valid as your gender or as no gender no matter what tolerance you have <33)

caring about myself more. and i don’t mean in a “i’m gonna have a nice fucking bath and be happy about it” way i mean in a “i’m going to feed myself well, drink lots of water, get good exercise and be respectful to myself at the very least” way. and also in the bath way. baths are nice

collecting shit !! idk dude but having a collection of dumb shit just makes me feel so masc and good cause i swear to the stars nearly every dude i’ve met and stepped into the house of has a collection of SOMETHING whether it’s games, books, rocks, crystals, cookbooks and recipies or art supplies or whatever makes them happy. like legit fucking anything and i like collecting stuff too so its a bonus !!

just being nice. just being a nice dude makes me feel so manly

being silly and myself and doing dumb shit and being unapologetic about it (im still working on being able to do this since i struggle a lot but when i can it feels so good !!)

being stupidly loyal to something equally stupid /pos. like yes i have had this stuffed animal since the dawn of time no i will never get rid of her. she’s a genderfuck lesbian rainbow tiger from buildabear workshop who goes by the name of Roxy i will never get rid of her >:(. and so what my ring is so rusty it makes my skin green every three days ?? i clean it and take it off when it gets out of control back off bitch its mine. why are you so concerned about my shoes ????? fuck you i like them how they are (falling apart and dishevelled, the sole is halfway off already and it hasn’t been even remotely okay since three years ago) and they still fit and work so i’ll wear them until i literally cannot anymore. its so fun and it’s such a “just some guy” activity AND it makes my autism goblin feel safe and good too so its great would reccommend

just talking about stuff i like and that makes me feel good but not to anybody in particular. maybe in my notes, maybe on tumblr (like right now !! i’m doing this one right now !!) maybe on my personal dm to myself. it just makes me feel like a boy i love it PLUS i dont actually have to stress about humans on the other end of it so i feel way more confident and comfortable and as a result even MORE manly !!

ice cream on cones. i will not elaborate

travelling and exploring !! like legit anywhere. as long as i’m moving from one place to another and exploring the world i feel so happy and right and also masculine it’s great i love travelling so much. on holidays i enjoy the act of travelling even more than the holiday itself tbh

(to clarify i identify as male but a bit fucked in the gender - if you want a label i still identify as nonbinary but male aligningg <3)

So I was looking at soap's wiki page and it says that he visited his cousin in the SAS many times and also tried to join under aged a few times, right? Well it doesn't say why, tho. And any normal person would assume that he wanted to join so bad because of his cousin. But im not normal so I got to thinking.well even if he did join just because of that cousin, that doesn't explain why whe tried to join early. Multiple times. So obviously there is atleast another factor in this situation. And we've all established his thing for hating himself, just a bit, and he's definitely not a straight man. And well homosexual and military down exactly sound like a the most delicious martini. And I'm not exactly caught up on Scotland's ally status, nor have I found much info about his family. So what if this was his way of self punishment for being a gay man?

But, El, what if he didn't realize his sexuality until aftet he joined? Or his family was supportive? An excellent question. If it wasn't that maybe it was because he had no direction in life. Perhaps he felt lost. Academics maybe weren't his strong suit, or he burnt out at somepoint, so college (university?) Wasn't an option. Maybe his parents said either higher education or a job, right?(yes I'm heavily projecting onto this poor man, I'm sorry but you also can't stop me) In today's day and age it is becoming increasingly difficult to find a job without a college degree. And jobs like that can always be unstable or underpaid or overworked, understaffed, unnecessarily dangerous, and a multitude of other things. But the military? Well you know what you're signing up for, you really only have to do as your told and no more, and you can do alot of good. Plus he already has a cousin in there.

Or maybe its as simple as his family has/had money issued and the military gives good pay?

Also apparently I left a comment on the latest chapter of I.S.B.T.P.K.F.T.S and I don't remember lol. Also I promise the next part of my favorite moments is coming out. I've been very busy lately. Sorry for the long ask

I've had SO many thoughts about Soap joining the military ESPECIALLY the fact he tried to join at 16 but was refused. You are allowed to join the military at 16 with parental consent, so I've come to the conclusion that his parents wouldn't like the fact that he wanted to be in the military - this tracks considering many Scots who see them self separate from Brits aren't typically the biggest fans of joining UK collective things like the military (this is coming from my Irish bg so it could be different).

As to why he wanted to join, I think there are multiple reasons, but if his queerness is a reason I would think its less to do with punishing himself (though sometimes it may feel like a punishment being around Ghost when Soap wants him so badly) and more to do with him possibly avoiding telling his family. Scotland as a whole recently is quite up there in ally status but that 1) doesn't reflect how the 2000's/2010's were 2) doesn't mean everyone is an ally ofc. Anyway, the MacTavishes aren't homophobic in any regard but that doesn't mean Soap knows that or isn't scared (either bc he's never seen his family react to queer people irl or, if he has, he'll think he'll be an exception).

Other causes likely are due to his school career: he was a footballer, but I don't think he ever tried to go pro, and in ISBTPKFTS the backstory I've given him wouldn't allow him to (W.C status and home life). And you make a great point with burnout - if we're sticking to real rules of the army, he wouldn't be able to be medicated or have lesson plan adjustments for his ADHD if he's diagnosed (i think I read that somewhere) so he's either not diagnosed or he never had accommodations so burnout is very likely. Uni, of course, would seem like a horrible thing for him, even if he was like many ppl who go to uni for the experience or bc of the job market.

But the idea that his parents expecting him to get a job or go to uni is very real (dw I'm also projecting here) and the monotonous work/life balance sounded like hell. Knowing his cousin's life in the army definitely planted the seed, and I think (in the fic at least) he'd visit his cousin to get some free time away from home but it ends up convincing him of what he wanted to do with his life. Like you said, you know what you sign up for with the army. He probably didn't expect the RSD to follow him especially if he isn't diagnosed, or if he's not very clued up on that part of his ADHD,hence why he can't rationalise his own feelings when they start to overwhelm him

Also dont be sorry and there's no rush I love that you even want to make those posts in the first place!! Thank you

Any thoughts™️ or headcanons about Marty and his ADHD and executive disfunction Bc I heard you bring it up before?

ehgivjkfnwofhlekj YES. Also, you have opened such a can of worms in giving me free rein to talk about this. I have many thoughts about ADHD Marty and love talking about this and ADHD in general Because Of Reasons so.... *dumps out contents of head onto blog post*

• So yeah, Marty has ADHD because I mean...have you seen the kid? I think he’d probably be the “combined” type since he seems to definitely have features of hyperactivity and can also be inattentive and easily distracted. 

• Obviously, this doesn’t bode well for him school-wise. Strickland seems to just dislike the McFly family in general, but I can imagine Marty might be considered a bit of a slacker by the rest of his teachers too, due to his difficulty focusing/ sitting still / keeping track of assignments. Also, this is the 80s. There is a very little chance of anyone realizing he’s got ADHD and making any moves to address it or accommodate him. So Marty’s probably one of those kids who can’t stand school and is always barely treading water as he tries to navigate all that’s expected of him in an environment totally not built for anyone who isn’t neurotypical. 

• There’s just...a lot of executive dysfunction going on here. Marty strikes me as the type to be so focused on his own thoughts/ what he’s going to say next, that he tunes out the person speaking to him or interrupts them. (There’s a little bit of this in the movies, esp that scene in the mall lot where Marty starts asking questions about the DeLorean & the suit Doc is wearing and Doc is all Stay focused, I’ll answer your questions eventually. Plus the scene in part II where Marty is just like, wandering away, about to explore the future and Doc has to drag him back, all the while Marty is just talking about being a rockstar).

• He’s super impulsive. For examples, see, um...the entirety of the trilogy.

• Timeblindness. Which isn’t helped at all by the fact that his watch is broken, lol. See: Marty being late for school the previous 3 days, deciding to change his entire outfit when there’s literally no room for error in getting to the clock tower, setting the DeLorean to only 10 minutes earlier in an attempt to save Doc, etc.

• Dave’s “You sleep in your clothes again?” line tells us Marty has done this before, probably because he just can't be bothered to/bring himself to get changed at night. So, he just crashes in whatever he’s wearing at the moment and his family has to remind him to change into new clothes. 

• Has problems with rejection and reacts to things in extremes. One rejection at the audition sends him straight to I’m never gonna be good enough, why even bother, I’m gonna give up music FOREVER. And I can imagine that Marty is that way with most things. Like, as soon as he’s unsure of himself or doesn’t do well at something, he spirals and shuts down, which is why Doc has to constantly remind him to put his mind to things. 

• Speaking of Doc...he totally knows Marty’s got ADHD (known only as ADD in the 80s). He saw an article about it one day while reading through scientific/medical journals, and a lightbulb went off above his head as he connected the dots. He even speaks to Marty about it one day in the hopes that understanding what’s going on will help Marty figure out strategies to help in day-to-day life. Doc is super supportive, allowing Marty the freedom to be who he is and do whatever he needs in order to feel focused/calm. He’s sure to explain things in a variety of ways when they work so that Marty understands, he recognizes when Marty needs air and will send him out on a walk with Einie, and he’s completely unfazed when Marty is doing circles in the lab, chatting a mile a minute and fiddling with things he finds laying around. 

• I have this lovely little headcanon (that makes an appearance in a couple of BTTF fics that may never see the light of day) where Doc uses tools and fasteners around the lab to make fidget toys for Marty. You know those nuts and bolts pencil toppers? Like, it’s literally a colorful bolt with a wing nut? He makes those, and Marty holds onto and uses them while they work/ at home/ even discretely at school sometimes. 

• Doc also makes the connection that weighted items keep Marty grounded and help with a lot of sensory issues. One day, Marty is like, even more all over the place than usual. Just a blur of energy and anxiety and chaos. Doc is like, Um...are u ok? Maybe you should lie down ??? or something?? So Marty does, and Einstein goes right ahead and jumps on the bed and plops himself right on top of Marty, who becomes completely calm and falls asleep. And so, while Marty cannot walk around wearing a dog at all times, Doc is like, L A Y E R S?? and we all know how Marty dresses so....  

• Last thing! Original timeline McFlys aren’t understanding at all of Marty’s various quirks and just don’t understand him at all. He’s constantly stifled in that house, told to sit still, be quiet, calm down, etc. He’s always getting yelled at for forgotten chores or bad grades or whatever, so he kind of learns to just repress his energy and emotions to avoid getting into trouble. (See dinner scene where our normally exuberant and talkative Marty sits completely still and says three entire words)

• Improved timeline McFlys are much more aware and in-tune to Marty. They’re understanding and supportive, doing whatever they can to help Marty be happy and successful in school and life in general. 

And...I will stop myself there. Thanks for the ask! This was a lot of fun to think/write about. I saw the ask this morning and was like !!!!!!!!! all day, lol. 

The Boys With an Autistic MC HC !! (SFW !)

(aka I’m projecting bc sad) (I also have adhd so there will be adhd moments)

Lucifer:

This boy has so much work yet he still find the time to help you put together a routine

WILL make sure you stick to it

He will rearrange the entire school if it will help you

If any demon and I mean ANY demon is even the slightest bit mean to you they go mysteriously missing the next day

Sometimes he infantilises you but he doesn’t mean to, tell him to cut it out and the shame will rip through him

In line with that you will probably find him cutting the crusts off your sandwiches and rearranging your stuffies, up to you if you want him to stop that (I hate crusts and my teddies deserve to be comfortable too)

Makes sure you’re accommodated everywhere in the devildom not just rad and and the hol

One day you realise his suit jacket? Perfect fabric for stimming

He starts dressing according to the fabrics you like

Let’s you hold his sleeve arm when talking bc it’s a good stim

Will put his jacket on you when you’re overwhelmed and need some familiarity

You start to associate his smell with safety

Mammon:

Pretends he doesn’t care

Treats you the most normal out of all the brothers

Has actually memorised your routine and knows your stressors/meltdown/shutdown triggers

White knights you very subtly

You think demons are very accepting in the devildom but in reality mammon does the same as luci but his approach is much more ‘stop it before it starts’

Buys you stimmies bc he loves the way you look when you’re happy stimming (yes BUYS not steals)

Too embarrassed to give you them so they just appear in your room

He’s just coincidentally in the hallway when you come rushing out to show people

You eventually realise it’s gotta be him bc he’s always there when you find em so you just start running directly to him

Loves it if you have echolalia

Tries to get you to repeat ‘the great mammon’ as much as possible

If he finds you repeating words/beeping at the microwave he will engage and do the same until you happy stim (then he will try get you to repeat ‘mc’s first man the great mammon’

If you start calling him that ?! The boy will melt. (I get intense echolalia with ‘mammonie’ and i think he would straight up die hearing mc go ‘mammonie mammonie mammonie’

After all it makes sense that the great mammon is constantly on your mind

Levithian:

Another nerd ?! Heck yeah!! !

Very glad you aren’t a normie

Perhaps relates the most to your experience against the allistics as ppl don’t like him bc he’s a ‘yucky okatu’

Loves when you talk about a special interest (SI) because you’re just as obsessive as he is

Will try and get you obsessed with anime and manga if you aren’t already

Is a shut in so he gets that people are overwhelming and scary at times

Is uncharacteristically vulnerable and open with you bc he feels like you understand his existence at a deeper level

If you like squishes (and show him first) he will start asking for the deep pressure hugs when he feels he needs them

But ofc bc you’re both you, the method for asking is just repeating the word squish over and over while you hug

Eye contact !? Oh hell no

Most of your conversations are done facing away from each other

Asmodeus:

Same clothes? Comfort items? No no no no no you gotta look beautiful like you are!

Does not entirely get it at first, how can anyone want to wear something more than once?

Once you explain it he will drag you shopping (to high end shops, using avoiding crowds as an excuse to pamper you) to find a signature, beautiful, comfortable and easy to put on outfit for you to wear

He will then buy 30 of them just in case you lose anything

He WILL give you presents randomly after you told him you like to wear clothing with emotional significance

Bonding time includes decorating your ear defenders and sunglasses

If your SI is anything to do with fashion or beauty or just asmo things in general this boy will NEVER leave your side. You become the only person he wants to talk to

If you excited stim by bouncing, hand flapping or squealing he is right there with you creating a feedback loop of excited stimming

When he finds out you like routine he will check you’re doing the beauty routine he made for you every night

If you’re too tired he will do it for you (or even if you just ask he loves being close to you)

If you’re touch repulsed he will ask every time before he even gets close to you (EVERY DAMN TIME ! This man understands consent and the fact that some days touch is too much others it’s not)

Satan:

Acts like lucifer visa the routine n rad but with no infantilising

Reads every study ever done on autism and neurodivergence ever

ANGOR at human world autism studies bc they’re dumb and there’s so much more interesting things to investigate to do with being autistic

He does go to the human world and he does stab a$$ and those involved

If you let him he will study you

Tracks your sleep, eating habits, and mood regulation (after he asks ofc)

Meltdowns? No that’s a regular day in Satan’s head

He lets you use his rage room (he definitely has a room exclusively for smashing stuff) if you feel even a little stressed

Likes talking about your SI’s with you bc it’s rare he finds someone so knowledgeable on a subject

Beelezebub:

The kindest most patient boy

Helps you find foods that don’t mess with your texture issues

Checks to make sure you’ve eaten in case you’ve been distracted and not realised you’re hungry

Doesn’t understand AFRID because food is good?? But is willing to help you with it (see previous points)

Stims with you because it makes you happy

Will let you info dump for hours even if he doesn’t get it

Is generally very warm so he makes the perfect person for squishes

Perfectly happy to just sit in silence and not talk or make eye contact

Belphagor:

Definitely understands the exhaustion that comes with being disabled

If you even look overstimulated he will kidnap you for a nap (whether than be physically or if you’re touch repulsed he will fake an emergency (the emergency is you being over stim Ed) just to get u out, it’s the only thing he puts effort into)

Shares his secret super soft blanket stash bc you are the only one who can appreciate how freaking soft the texture is

Best person to look after you in a shutdown bc he kinda gets it

Gets his own ear defenders and sunglasses so he can sleep in class (claims it’s solidarity with you)

Just enjoys your company like his bro so ditto on the silence thing

(There’s more I can think of but this is already really long, comment if u want part 2)

hey as for ur adhd reading post: yes! as for ur tags, there r def some things out there that can make text easier for ur brain to process etc, unfortunately i dont have names to give u off the top of my head (however i've often found resources made for dyslexic folks to also help my adhd brain a bunch!) but sometimes i just copy paste shit into a doc/note and put it bolded, with a font my brain likes, and usually double space the lines. besides that tho- the reason ur brain wants u to skip ahead when reading is because ur thought process is racing ahead as it usually does (#EternalADHDMood) but that doesn't mean it wants to /process/ that fast, it's like a kid on a sugar high lol, all energy, no processing. so i've actually found it helpful to allow my brain to skip ahead line by line / paragraph by paragraph just to process a few words, no spoilers, bc its like my brain has the compulsion to leap-frog ahead, but its not actually reading shit properly. so i get it out of my system by allowing my eyes to skip around a bit ahead, sometimes even scrolling (if on a device) too fast to properly read shit, just have my eyes n brain jump around, and it satisfies that need my brain has, and then i go back up and find it easier to read the rest and have my mind kind register it as 'filling in the blanks' which is more interesting to my curious adhd brain, vs reading it all meticulously in order to reach the conclusion which feels more like reading a long list that i have to struggle thru to get to the good shit/reward my brain wants. does that make any sense? lol. there's def other ways, im literally a teacher that specializes in neurodivergence and adhd, but starting as an adult vs a kid is a diff thing cause ur brain is set in its ways by now and u kinda have to gently retrain it with creative strategies i find, idk. just rambling here. that's also the eternal adhd mood haha

the resources available for dyslexic people helping with adhd too is so interesting to me! I just recently added a chrome extension that makes text the opendyslexic font and it’s helping so far. I think the thing I was thinking of that changes the color of lines is called beeline reader, if anyone else was interested. but also, allowing yourself to jump ahead for a second is a great tip. I think i keep getting caught up in like Fixing the things my adhd makes me do instead of like, working around them and accommodating for them. I gotta get better at that.

Hey, so were you diagnosed with autism/adhd as an adult? If you don't mind me asking, was that difficult to achieve? I'm 25, and I've often thought I might have adhd, but I've held off on looking into it because I hear it's extremely difficult and expensive to get it tested and diagnosed as an adult.

yes I only got diagnosed last october, I was 25 then too! it was kind of a weird journey for me, all of my siblings and my dad got diagnosed with autism or adhd one after the other and I was still saying “but I can’t really be autistic/adhd” right up until I actually got diagnosed lol. but since then my whole life suddenly makes sense for the first time and I really think things are gonna be ok! this applies to autism/adhd/other neurodiverse stuff but autism and adhd is what I know, but I hope it applies broadly as well

so unfortunately yes, it can be pretty expensive to get through the whole process. depends on where you live of course, I live in Ireland so even though we do have public healthcare I would probably have been on a waiting list for upwards of two years to see a terrible psychologist who didn’t know anything about adhd/autism so I went to a private psychologist. I already knew her pretty well bc my siblings had been to her and I knew she knew what she was talking about and I felt comfortable with her. seeing her cost me around €900 which is definitely a lot, different psychologists have different rates but the price can go up depending on what tests u get done. the more tests you do the more expensive it will be as a general rule (at the same time I saw a different psychologist who had a lower flat rate so idk what the “rules” are about this tbh) I got a standard assessment as well as autism and adhd tests which is why it was so expensive. it used up pretty much all my savings lmao but after getting a diagnosis I was able to apply for disability allowance (which was a hellish process) and I got rejected and had to appeal the decision but I got it in the end, which is fortunate bc I quit my job lol.

recently I wanted to look into medication so I had to go to a psychiatrist because you can’t get a prescription for stimulant medication from a gp in most countries I think? BUT he’d only see me if I got rediagnosed by his psychologist, so that was another €300 for each of them. I did get prescribed ritalin in the end but I’ll have to get the prescription refilled a few times a year bc it’s a restricted medication, which will mean paying €100 ish for each time I do. fortunately I don’t actually have to pay for the medication itself bc I have a medical card.

so yes, it can be expensive! all told it’s cost me almost €2000 to get it all sorted and will keep costing me maybe €300 a year from now on, so it’s definitely something you have to budget for. especially depending on where you live, I imagine things are v different from country to country. also I’m very fortunate bc I still live with my family so I’m free of some financial pressure and I’d been saving for it for a while but I know how hard it is to countenance paying out that kind of money, and wondering whether it’s worth it.

as to whether it’s difficult to achieve I think you’ve got to break it down because official diagnosis is only part of it. so if you think you do have ADHD I’d look at it from a couple of different angles:

1. self acceptance/understanding is absolutely the most important thing. I know people who’ve never been to a psych who know they’re autistic/adhd and really flourish, I also know people who have official diagnoses but who won’t accept it themselves and reject help/support and they’re making things so hard for themselves. so the most important thing is to educate yourself about what adhd means and, more importantly, what it means for you. everyone’s brain is different and understanding exactly how your brain works and why you think/behave the way you do is the most important thing you can do. there are a lot of resources out there, especially online, - I’ll put a link to a google drive of books and things I have at the bottom - and it can be good to connect with others online as well. having people who Get It and can help you is really paramount, I know often our irl families/friends can sometimes let us down so sometimes the only support you can get is from following ppl on twitter or something. the adhd subreddit is weirdly helpful and supportive, it’s great to be able to throw out a question like “I think like this am I insane y/n” and have other people go “nah ur fine” it’s very validating (also validation/external perspectives is super important for adhd bc we can be extremely bad at self assessment). so yes, the most important thing is firstly to know thyself by 1) educating yourself and 2) listening/connecting with others like u.

2. is it important to have an “official” diagnosis? no and yes. obviously you don’t need a diagnosis from a doctor to know what you are, and 70% of the things needed to help you flourish are going to come from your own research and the support systems you make. and if you cant afford or access a psychologist or psychiatrist it doesn’t make it any less real or bar you from educating yourself/accessing resources etc. HOWEVER. if you can get a good diagnosis then I really would go for it, bc: 1) it opens a LOT of doors to official resources, whether that’s access to welfare, supports and accommodations at school or college, medication, etc etc. a lot of the time the supports we need are behind this diagnostic paywall, which sucks but it is what it is :/ so that’s one consideration. 2) it can be really validating and help set your mind at ease about whether you “really” have adhd or if you’re “faking”. like I said I didn’t believe that I was “allowed” to be autistic before I got diagnosed. I also didn’t consider that I might have adhd, I went in thinking I’d just get the autism diagnosis so it wasn’t something I would have found out on my own probably. so it can be good to get an outside opinion, especially as, like I said, we can be really bad at self assessment. 3) it feels good to know you have a piece of paper to throw at rude family members/teachers/doctors who don’t believe it’s real 4) if you can find a good psychiatrist/psychologist it can be such a good thing to have that support and to get genuinely good advice from a professional you trust. doesn’t always happen but if u can find one it’s a godsend

wow this got long. to summarise, if you think you have adhd or anything else I would

research and educate yourself. for adhd probably the best thing to do is read driven to distraction and delivered from distraction, written by two psychiatrists who are adhd themselves. they’re both in this google drive along with loads of other resources I’ve collected, there’s also books about autism as well. as a disclaimer not everything/everyone here has my 100% endorsement some of it is there for academic/historical interest or only parts are helpful but by and large it’s useful. also watch this video and feel Seen

look for a good psychologist/psychiatrist if you’re going for a diagnosis. see if there’s an adhd organisation in your country/area and if they can recommend anyone. a lot of the time you’re better going to a child/educational psychologist who’ll see adult clients as they tend to Get It more. do look for someone who is clear about having experience in adult adhd bc unfortunately even qualified psychologists get a LOT wrong so make sure you get someone who knows what they’re doing before you give them your money

yes it can be really expensive. but if you’re needing to access things like medication or welfare I think it’s well worth the trouble and the money. my sister got diagnosed in her second year of college and was able to save her degree bc of extensions on projects and things like that (I didn’t get diagnosed until after college and spent four years torturing myself I WISH I had known) and it can be something that’s better done sooner rather than later. So if it’s something you can do without putting yourself in financial danger I think it’s good to bite the bullet and go for it. like I used up basically all my savings BUT I now can access disability payments and medication so it was worth it for me. it’ll be different for everyone so use your judgement obviously

anyway hope this helped! let me know if you need anything else! and good luck on your journey

ajsks hi!! i just caught up on this blog (i only left for a few days and theres so much new content!!!) and (character) remy is pretty rad now!!! i dislike him much less!!! on the same subject, what were the others first impressions of him? and how did they react to his adhd? -🌻 :D

Okay since this ask was sent in I think we’ve updated a few Remy things

Emile’s first reaction can be found here, and Logan’s first reaction can be found here

Virgil is Not Impressed with Remy at first because he treats them like a child and makes automatic ableist assumptions. Virgil tends to hate that so much bc he hates the assumptions and ableism and it also makes it harder for them to get their needs met, bc the other person always assumes they know better. But Virgil also trusts Dee so why they are expecting an apology from Remy, they’re willing to let Dee explain things first.

Dee meets Remy through school when they sit next to each other in class. He’s the only kid who seems to not mind Dee’s tone (which always sounds sarcastic). Remy seems to actively seek him out and enjoy Dee’s company. Which is,,,, a big thing for Dee. Dee hasn’t really had friends before and it’s always been hard for him to make them, but somehow this time he seems to fit so easily in with Remy. (There’s later little slip ups and stuff but as we’ve seen they work stuff out).

Remus and Remy met in elementary school and were “class buddies” one time. They liked each other as kids well enough because they liked some of the same things, so first impressions were positive. They grew apart in high school, and so Remy was unaware that Remus came out as trans and left school. About a year or so later Remy was at a local game shop (the owner is a family friend and treats roman and remus like his own kids and lets them hang out there or do small tasks for money). Remy saw the long red hair and “tom boy-ish” outfit from behind and was like “Hey *Remus’s deadname*! Long time, no see how’s it going?” And the person turns around remy suddenly realizes, this is Not Remus. So Roman replies so on his tablet that oh I’m Remus’s twin brother, but you can have his number if you like. And Remy is confused like Remus??? Who?? Roman and Remy talk a little bit and they’re both nice enough so decent impressions on both sides. Remy gets back in touch with Remus, learns he’s trans and all that. Remus hangs out with Remy’s friend group on rare occasions. This is how Remy finds out that Remus and Dee know each other through their twins.  

Patton is kinda put off by remy knowing what happened to logan and emile and how it made them fight (patton hates seeing them fight) and remy seemed nice enough but patton is very wary of remy when he learns that remy has a crush on emile, like yes they’d be cute together and he makes emile happy but he also has hurt emile and logan in the past but he’s learning, Pat has pretty mixed feelings

How everyone reacts to Remy’s ADHD:

Logan’s is already answered here. In addition, he starts bringing stims for Remy during tutoring and actually buys Remy his first stim toys.

Virgil’s kinda just “oh worm? Same hat” for the most part 

Dee’s pretty happy for Remy and asks Remy if he wants him to do some of the stuff he does to help his brother out with adhd (aka giving him fidget stuff if he seems restless, keeping track of small things so he doesn’t lose them, giving him reminders, etc.)

Roman doesn’t outwardly really have any reaction? But he does add in his support and makes a joke about the group’s growing neurodivergent army.

Remus is like “cool man. Let’s get cake.” (Remus actually does follow through and gets a cake. With frosting he adds ‘congrats on having adhd.’ Remy doesn’t stop laughing for at least five minutes. Like full on doubled over wheezing and crying)

Patton’s pretty positively receptive bc he struggles to connect with people a lot and he was still a bit iffy about Remy, but adhd gives them a connection so it really improves their relationship

Emile gives Remy a hug. A big hug. They have a really long talk about it and Emile offers similar accommodations as Dee does. Remy lets his guard down and admits that he thought he was just stupid or didn’t like the content and he’s kind of relieved to know there’s a reason he does what he does.

6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?

6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.

22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)

2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it

3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.

4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.

Pros-

(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.

(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.

(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself

Cons-

(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.

(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah

(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.

7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.

8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.

10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.

12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.

(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)

15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either

16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops

18- introverted?

19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.

20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.

21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.

23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.

While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol

24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.

🔥!!!

Was looking at my muse list to think of something that stood out but since I couldn’t pick one I’ll just go w something that affects a lot of them but anyway like 

As an autistic person I personally thing the large majority of the magi/snb cast is autistic coded! The fandom as a whole (although it’s not just the magi fandom tbf it’s kind of all of them I’ve been in) ignores that a lot! 

I have seen autistic Judar before which is VALID but it’s really frustrating when Judar and Morgiana are the only two you see (and Mor as an afterthought) bc they’re the ones with the more “stereotypical” traits (i.e Judar being antisocial/struggling with empathy which is probably due to trauma and not even his autism considering that. studies show that it’s allistic people who lack empathy for autistic people usually and not the other way around but I digress!) and I’ve been told that other characters who are autistic coded can’t be bc they’re like idk??? competant lmfao??? I don’t get when allistic people say a character can’t be autistic bc im like lmao good to know you know every autistic experience and trait! Maybe you can educate me on my own disorder that you don’t have bc you clearly know so much about it that you couldn’t possibly be overlooking something! 

Anyway my muses that I intentionally play as autistic and some of their main traits are bellow the cut bc it’s lengthy (The others I’m probably going to accidentally autistic code bc I. am autistic and it affects my writing but ahiodfhg)

Morgiana: Mor is a pretty obvious one, although I do love her autistic coding! So like most of these characters but with Mor esp you have to keep in mind that she canonly has c-ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder but when it’s not a single traumatic event but living long term in a traumatic environment such as an abusive home or any other variation) so that affects how many of her autistic traits present themselves. I do think that she’s become very good at masking (i.e hiding autistic traits) due to them being punished and because of that she is exhausted because masking is very taxing. I think that she started to unlearn this considerably once she joined the caravan with Leila’s encouragement but it was subtle bc while she did become close with Leila and Sahsa she didn’t open up entirely. 

Once she gets to Sindria though and starts opening up I think that she’ll relax a lot because she can see others with the same traits who don’t have to hide them. Masrur especially points out that it’s important for her to stim and because she’s not the only one who deos this, everyone is understanding and accommodating at times when she’s non verbal/not able to speak.  

One thing that really stood out to me about Mor is her hyperempathy. Because she doesn’t talk much, it’s hard for some people to pick up on, but Morgiana often has strong feelings of empathy for others. At first this is something that she struggles with, because it’s something that others have taken advantage of and used to hurt her, and because she’s afraid of her emotions as a whole. Later though, she learns that this can be her strength. Morgiana’s most powerful moments (in my opinion) like when she rescued Nadja, when she confronts Alibaba about the consequences of what the fog troupe is doing, and many other instances, are very emotionally charged. She’s also the first to empathize with the pirates that Madaura has brainwashed, and is able to get the others to empathize with them too. 

Morgiana was my first favorite magi character (the reason I even got into magi in the first place tbh) bc it was so empowering to see someone with many of my traits in an empowering role of a hero because of those traits and not just with them as an afterthought! 

Masrur: I’m going to focus on snb just because that’s what I’m more familiar with as I haven’t read the parts of magi that Masrur is spotlighted in in a long time although honestly all of this stuff applies to Masrur later but it presents itself differently because whilst autistic people never grow out of their traits, just like anything in a person, it changes and becomes more nuanced as a person gets older and gets more experience. 

But Masrur is another autistic coded character! A lot of his traits can technically be explained away by canon/plot details however in this house we don’t  think that because there’s technically an argument against autistic headcanons that it’s at all valid so ANYWAY 

To start we have the way he sees himself as different from others, the way he goes to sit by himself because he feels like he can’t fit in with everyone, how he’s not like them, how he’s just a monster with a single purpose that’s already been fulfilled. Normally, I wouldn’t count this exactly as an autistic trait however Hinahoho is the one that comes to talk to him because he can relate to this experience which is autistic coded so! One thing that’s a common experience in autistic people is feeling quite literally inhuman, usually in the form of an alien, fairy, or fictional character (as it was in my case). This is becuase of the isolation that we normally face in childhood. For Masrur, he feels different from the others, like who he is isn’t someone that would be wanted and that’s something that I can relate to quite strongly. It’s not until he comes to the Sindria trading company, a place full of Neurodivergent coded characters (the ones that aren’t autistic coded are coded as other disorders as well such as ADHD and BPD among others I don’t think there’s actually one person  there who’s neurotypical considering that. The entire theme of the Sindria trading company is that they take in people who are outcasts and in need of help and usually those people tend to be ND.) that he comes to realize that he does belong and that he is valued. 

In addition to that we do see him stimming or doing stim like behaviors at times, he sometimes is talkative and others seems mostly or entirely non verbal, he tends to misunderstand social queues, struggles with subjects that he’s not interested in, etc. 

I think it’s super important to take into account Masrur’s autistic coding because Masrur gets to be HAPPY. Like, yes, he does experience a lot of traumatizing things, but by the end of Magi he still has his family, he’s happilly married and a good father. These are things that people think autistic people can’t have or don’t deserve, and we never get to experience this things in character’s that are canonly autistic. So for me seeing an autistic coded character with such a positive development was something really positive, it’s the same way for a lot of these characters, seeing so many autistic coded characters getting the development that the deserved was what drew me to magi inittially if I’m perfectly honest. I didn’t know it at the time bc I had no idea I was autistic until last year (coincidentally from autistic friends also from this fandom!) but it really was what drew me in. 

Hinahoho: Oh God where do I even START with autistic icon Hinahoho? I think, out of any snb characters Hinahoho is the most heavily autistic coded. Like there is literally no other explanation for his character I can think of whenever I see him I get so happy bc I’m like!!! Yes!!!! Autistic dad!!! I love him!!!  

His backstory first and foremost focuses on his separation from the rest of the people in his tribe because he has unconventional interests (art!!) and that he isn’t able to pass the test and become and adult at the proper time. To start, being a “late bloomer” in things (or alternatively doing things too soon in some cases) is a common autistic experience. A lot of us due to many reasons (mostly due to ableism and lack of accommodations) we aren’t able to do the things that our peers do at the same times like drive, attend college, or move out of the house etc. This isn’t a lack of competence just that we aren’t able to go about things in a way that we are able to thrive in, and this is exactly what Hinahoho’s development highlights! He never does pass the warrior’s test in the way that is most traditional, instead Sinbad (whose an Adhd ND icon if you ask me but I haven’t added him to my muse list yet so aidofhg more on him and the other adhd icons in this series later ahidofhg) mentions how there’s multiple ways to be strong, how he doesn’t have to do things the same way as everyone else to be worth something. 

There’s also the ableism that he faces from others in his tribe. In addition to judging him for not having become a warrior yet, he is bullied by others and treated like a child when he shouldn’t be. The others are so unkind to him for being “different” and “weird” and having “a personality like a fish left to dry” (WHATEVER THAT’S EVEN SUPPOSED TO MEAN LMAO I STILL DONT GET IT) that in his introduction he starts sobbing bc Sinbad said thank you to him like. Like God can I relate to this, honestly his experiences though not exactly the same as my own deeply resemble how I was before I found out that I’m autistic. 

Then, after he learns to love and accept himself and marries Rurumu (Oh!! That’s another thing, people acted like he was unlovable but Rurumu always loved him. He never had to change who he was or mask his autistic traits and that’s SO important because honestly I can’t even imagine someone who isn’t also autistic wanting me romantically especially when I see shit about people taking autistic people to homecoming and calling it “inspiring” and “selfless” and a “learning experience”) he then turns around and teaches others to do the same. I noticed that he becomes very close to both Drakon and Masrur who are both autistic coded and he helps teach them to love themselves like??? LIKE???? and with Masrur he literally points out that he can empathize so points for hyperempathy again. I’m loving how many magi characters have hyperempathy that is ultimately good. Bc it’s usually a weakness in character’s that have it. 

Drakon: Honestly once again idek where to start when his entire development is deeply autistic coded but we’ll start with his backstory. So to start there’s the power imbalance between him and his (neurotypical) siblings. Whilst he is the youngest, I think that the reason that he’s unfavored in the family and is the one always catching shit is because he’s autistic. This is something that happens so often is that when an autistic child has allistic siblings the allistic one is favored or if not favored they definetely get treated better because autistic children are particularly vulnerable and easy to manipulate. With Drakon’s childhood, although again the circumstances in my case aren’t exactly the same, I really am seeing my past self. 

He was from a young age branded as a prodigy, told he was already basically an adult even though he was still a child, and this is so common with autistic children who show a semblance of talent in something. However, he isn’t praised for this in a healthy encouraging way, instead he’s given the responsibilities and expectations of an adult already. In addition to that, he is conditioned to mask his autistic traits, in addition to being taught to devote his entire self to his cause. The fact that he internalized everything so deeply that he had a breakdown when he realized that he wasn’t wanting to die for his cause, that he thought he had to follow everything to the letter all the way down to his deepest feelings, is in my opinion an autistic trait as I showed exactly the same traits for other matters, internalizing things at the same intensity. He social scripts quite a bit, meaning that he has a strong sense of “this is how things SHOULD be so if they AREN’T this way then everything is in RUINS and we have to fix it IMMEDIATELY” he has the roles he’s been given and he strongly believes that everyone else has a role. This does become far more healthy once he’s unlearned the toxic things that he was taught but he still does it, but in a healthy way. Everyone has a role to fulfill, and he’s strict about this, when people aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be becomes irritable and struggles to keep functioning as normal. 

Then there’s the fact that his entire development is learning as a teenager that he’s become a monster, literally in this case, learning that he is hated so much that he resolves to leave his humanity behind, only to gain love and acceptance and learn to love himself in the form that he takes. While I don’t think every monster is autistic coded (as that would be problematic for obvious reasons) developments like this resemble our experiences so well? It’s a perfect metaphor for what it’s like, honestly. 

One reason I think that it’s important for me personally to acknowledge Drakon’s autistic coding is because he’s a strong leader and people think that autistic people cannot be leaders, that we’re incompetent. So to see a character with my traits be someone noble, to become king even, and to thrive is something super positive for me because again it’s something that people think we cannot do that we cannot have but we really can. 

Leila, Sahsa, & Nadja: With these three it’s mostly projecting just because we don’t see enough of them for them to really be that autistic coded HOWEVER tis my blog and you get to hear all my hcs asdfgh. I like to hc these three as autistic 1. bc Leila and Sahsa’s relationship is beautiful, and to contextualize that as a romance between two autistic women is really nice for me who as I mentioned before struggles to ever see myself having a love like that. 2. Leila and Sahsa take to Morgiana and encourage growth in her and I like the idea of them helping her to relax a little on hiding her autistic traits. 3. Because as an autistic person it’s difficult for me to interpret characters as not autistic (where not autistic is other’s defaults for me autistic is the default, so it would be more accurate for me to say I have some allistic headcanons rather than autistic ones lmao) I actually started headcanoning Leila as autistic by accident because I wrote a fic where she had a shutdown (which is when there’s too much stimulants i.e sound or sights etc. and we have to go lay down and rest and shut out the stimulants that are bothering giving us sensory overload.) and was like oh!! Time to make both her and Sahsa autistic bc who’s gonna stop me lmao. 

Also one headcanon I have for Nadja (in addition to her joining Leila and Sahsa’s caravan with her family) is that after Morgiana rescued her she developed a special interest in adventure and heroism which is really cute on one hand bc she always wants to learn stories of heroes from the locals of the places they visit and her parents are like aw she’s talkative sometimes! She’s making friends!!! But on the other hand she tags along on Leila and Sahsa’s “oops lmao just fought an entire band of thieves again” adventures and is that “Let me see what you have!” “A KNIFE!!” “NO!!!” vine so ahidfohg be careful u fuckin superb lil baby. 

Myron: Hers is a bit shorter since we don’t have a whole lot of her in canon, but her strict following of perceived social standards and social scripting makes me headcanon her as autistic. I also like the idea of her being autistic because so often people think that we can’t be proper or socially conscious but more often than not we overcompensate, the deal is that we struggle to understand neurotypical social cues not that we hate socializing. 

Titus: Oh man I shouldn’t have put him so far down on my muse list bc this one is going to be lengthy. There’s a reason whenever I info dump about my son to people that I always call him Autistic Gay Icon Titus Alexius.  

I’ll start with the fact that he struggles in social settings, i.e Sphintus thinking he’s so fuckin awkward at first. (Even tho I hc Sphintus as autistic too but like I said autistic is the default for me ahidfg) He has a special interest in magic, evidently, and is very info dumpy about it as times (though not as much as notable autistic icons Yamuraiha and Ugo). Also his best friends are Sphintus and autistic adhd icon Aladdin so like. Convenient. that the three most autistic coded kids at school becomes besties. asdfgh. Also none of the 4 magi are allistic tbh. 

ANYWAY that aside and glossing over the whole separation he feels from the others (which I could go into length but it’s similar to Drakon and Masrur’s and Hinahoho’s deal and this is getting so long already oof) can we just talk about how fucking POSITIVE his Hyper-Empathy is for his character and the story? 

Okay so like. Let’s start with the 5th district, how after just a little while there he immediately jumped into action with LMAO TIME TO BLOW A HOLE IN THE SKY IM BUSTING EVERYONE OUT LADS. Like. Was it dumb? Yes. Was it noble and valid? YES! And he STILL SHOWED UP TO CLASS READY TO FIGHT THE NEXT DAY. He also tried to call out Mogamett how many times? And still stood his ground with the 5th district, even when Mogamett tried to manipulate him by saying he only cared out of his selfish desire to befriend Marga, he immediately analyzed himself critically and came to the conclusion that no, he really just wanted everyone there to be safe and happy. 

Then, when he goes to Reim and Just. Hhhhhh HE’S SO GOOD. AND HE HAS SO MUCH EMPATHY. The fact that he immediately begins changing things, is firm in that, but his main motivation is that he so desperately wants everyone to be safe and to live happily, the fact that his people’s problems are by extension his own because he feels real pain when others feel it. That’s hyper empathy and though it’s something that can be manipulated he doesn’t let that happen, he uses it for good! 

When he gives his speech about why they need to abolish slavery in Reim asap, he begins to cry and exclaims that any one of them could die tomorrow, that they need to priooritize the people that are in the now who are suffering that they have the power to help their people and to liberate their country and appeals to everyone’s emotions that way and breaks through. Also the other changes he makes?? Like making the Colosseum into a LARPing spot? That’s so fucking good? What a nerd? I love him???? 

I can go into more detail with Titus but for time reasons I won’t but. We stan Autistic Gay Icon Titus Alexius here. 

If you read all of this I love you sm thank you for reading this rambly mess. ahdiogfg 

It's wild (and annoying) that so many things we consider markers of maturity, responsibility, reliability, etc. are things that I either can't do or are extremely difficult to do bc of my adhd.

Like yes I know it's important to respect people's time, esp in the workplace, and I'm not late bc I don't care. I'm late bc adults with adhd do not run on the same internal clock the rest of the world does. I'm not exaggerating when I say the way people experience time does not and has never made sense to me.

I also know that I love my chosen family to the moon and back and I will never ever be able to remember a single one of their birthdays off the top of my head.

I forget about 80 percent of what anyone tells me at any given time unless I use that information regularly to complete a task or am especially interested in the subject. This makes friendships and dating especially tricky bc ppl think you don't care when you forget entire conversations immediately after having them. Ppl will also accuse you of being deceptive when you just genuinely cannot retrieve info from the memory bank (cue every misinformed pop psychology article about gaslighting)

I've been teased my whole life for not being able to remember routes, or memorize the grid layout of my city after having lived here for over a decade, but I genuinely can't. If I make a wrong turn I can't visualize an alternate route, and if you ask me where something is I can probably describe the pretty house with the pink door next to it, but not any of the major roads or intersections around it, and I sure as shit can't tell you how to get there.

I can't sleep through the night most of the time, despite taking a sedative, and it turns out 3/4ths of adults with ADHD struggle with the same thing. Yet most research surrounding this phenomenon has pinned the blame on the stimulant meds we take, instead of considering this might be something inherent to ADHD due to our weird experience of time.

The icing on the cake is our best option for medication is not only treated like meth by the feds and our doctors and unaffordable without insurance, but comes with a host of immutable side effects like appetite suppression (you know, food, the other thing that keeps your brain intact)

Idk this is mostly just me screaming into the ether bc it's been a long week but I'm so tired of conversations and research about ADHD being solely focused on kids bc we don't fucking grow out of this disorder. It continues to impair our function long after we leave school and instead of getting accommodations, we're seen as lazy and irresponsible. So many ppl still have this perception of ADHD like it just means you're hyperactive and a little squirrely when in reality it impacts every part of my daily functioning and is often a huge barrier when it comes to forming relationships, trying new things, and finding/keeping work.

I'm managing it bc I'm lucky to have access to meds and therapy but sometimes I just wish ppl could see how hard I'm fucking trying to meet their expectations and how exhausting it is to force my brain to bend into something socially acceptable when it was never meant to move that way in the first place

my dad and i had one of those five hours through the night 45-topic convos that two ppl w adhd are prone to have i w each other i guess and at one point he was expressing frustration over, in his words, people thinking about world change as “step 1: violent overthrow, step 2: ?????, step 3: utopia”

and i tell him yeah that is an issue that especially young ppl and people newly into leftist thought that havent been able to read and learn a lot of the stuff about that second step kind of fall into, but if you want to know the ideas people have there are like 100s and 100s of things going into that and discussions about that and written sources on it...though it is always complicated bc the plan going in has to in some way account for the fact that you have to change and accommodate to the situation when its happening and then he was like well YEAH,,,people write what they THINK would work, people do make PLANS for that step like every other one of the steps which is what i was saying they didnt do,,,but thats always worked out so well when theyve tried it and i Just...............................well what do you want then. whats your problem then. because your problem cant be that no one has a plan now that you say oh yes of course you know they Do actually have a plan. you cant assume those plans wont work because you literally dont know what they are, and not knowing what they are is what is making you feel like the effort is pointless. your problem is that you dont think a perfect world is achievable so your inclined to distrust attempts to make a better world that seem hard to get to for you. your problem is that you literally havent made an effort to learn about Step 2 but you assume you understand it better than the people actually discussing how it would have to happen in order to work and like actually trying to make something that could work instead of writing off the possibility entirely. It Bothers Me

all the school ones for plex?

terrible boy had a terrible time in school...

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he finished precollege albeit had to do a lot of work from home and with weird dates and such due to Illness striking when he was around 13 and he got a bit better after that but was still dealing with a lot and trying to recover and some family events happened w/ his parents getting divorced and whatnot, so he made it thru precollege by the skin of his teeth and then wanted to enter dynamics but he never got to bc things were too rough and tumultuous...

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? he had a mix of teachers, there were a few good ones who were kind to him and helped make sure he wasn’t being picked on due to his size/weakness, although i’m sure he had a share of bad ones bc if there’s anything that being an irl disabled person (physically + ND) in school will teach you it’s that teachers will arbitrarily hate u for being disabled lmao....

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? a mixture... he tried his best bc he was genuinely interested in the material but he has ADHD so keeping focus can be hard... i think sometimes he’d also try to goof off to impress people he wanted to befriend but just end up gettin in trouble and the other kids would think he was just Weird :”( poor plex

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? it varied massively depending on how well he clicked with the teacher, the material, and the teaching style. he had okayish marks overall, and great performance on specific non-graded things, like reading level. one of those kids whos praised as super smart and talented with tons of potential and then fails to hit the marks that are expected of them because they just don’t click with the System and are going through tough stuff with their brain and body

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? simultaneously yes and no. he needed a better system and accommodations-- not help in the way that you typically think of help with school. he was probably put in a special extra help/tutoring period class sometimes and hated it because he simultaneously was smarter than but got worse grades than the person ‘helping’ him

36)   What is/was their school like? generic grade school esque precollege i guess? a big mixture of good and bad

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? unfortunately, yes, a lot. you’ll notice the reoccuring theme here is that he was/is weird and sickly and doesn’t fit in

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? he’s probably had people be mean to him as far as bumping into/shoving him/playing keepaway with his personal possessions or glasses etc but no direct fights involving punching or whatever. i self insert a lot into plex here and bullying doesn’t usually quite happen in the ‘hitting and shoving into lockers’ way that people think it does. not that it can’t, it’s just often bad without necessarily happening in that format

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? he’s awkward so yes unfortunately a lot

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back? he REALLY wants to go to dynamics eventually... right now he doesn’t quite have the funds and he’s not 1000% sure what he’d want to study

February 17, 2014 5:03 PM I have a exam this Wednesday. I am also going through extreme anxiety. I am diagnosed with anxiety disorder. Last fall I went to the hospital due to extreme anxiety over constant pains which caused me to be suicidal. I ended up seeing a psychologist and social worker regularly. Do you think it would be acceptable to get a doctors note to postpone this exam until my bout of extreme anxiety passes. posted by Jack V to Education (25 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite My anxiety is over my father's stage 4 colon cancer, recently diagnosed. My relationship falling apart and my re emergent stomach ailments. posted by Jack V at 5:05 PM on February 17, 2014 Yes, of course. You should be able to get help navigating this from the counseling office at your school and/or the dean of students. posted by cairdeas at 5:08 PM on February 17, 2014 You not a problem, done it myself for a chronic medical condition when I was at uni. posted by smoke at 5:11 PM on February 17, 2014 I'm assuming during the hospitalization they reviewed possible medication support? I had a post-doc friend who had a script for a beta blocker specifically for academic performance anxiety (presentations, interviews, exams, etc.). Do you have a physician or psychiatrist, or one that would be on call through your counselors or the student center? posted by blue suede stockings at 5:12 PM on February 17, 2014 Get a doctor's note for the stomach problem, see whatever student support you have available to see what they can advise about getting acknowledgment of the other issues. A diagnosed illness will usually be good for some consideration be it extra time, an upgraded mark or another go as if it was your first attempt, depending on your institution. Consideration for the other problems will depend on your institution's support structure and regulations. See your department office or counselling service asap. posted by biffa at 5:13 PM on February 17, 2014 A lot of this depends on instructor-specific/institution-specific policies, but definitely keep and have on hand documentation of everything. Contact your instructor ASAP and if they've got flexible policies they can possibly work with you. If you don't get resolution there, then talk to the counseling, academic advising, and/or disability resource support units at your institution. posted by jackbishop at 5:21 PM on February 17, 2014 Is your exam blind graded? [You have an exam number, and your name goes no where on the exam page?] Then there's probably something somewhere that says you are to inform a DEAN and not the Professor (bc the prof will now know you're taking it late, etc, etc). The key here is to do so in advance. People get sick. Schools have procedures. This isn't a do it and seek forgiveness later situation. I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was to reschedule a law school exam bc I had a migraine. I sent a sad email, they rescheduled it for a week later. Done. posted by atomicstone at 5:25 PM on February 17, 2014 Yeah, if you have a medical condition then this is a perfectly valid reason to postpone an exam. posted by cnanderson at 5:32 PM on February 17, 2014 Thanks for the responses guys. Would it be considered okay if I took a quiz the same day that is worth less that I feel I can handle in my condition or would that hurt my prospects of having this exam postponed? posted by Jack V at 5:38 PM on February 17, 2014 I would ask the person arranging your accommodations for the major exam. They should be able to advise you best. posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 5:40 PM on February 17, 2014 Have both postponed. No reason to do it when you are already so stressed out, and it sends mixed signals to your professor. That is never ever a good thing. posted by AlexiaSky at 5:41 PM on February 17, 2014 ...and I suspect what they'll tell you is exactly what AlexiaSky said. I hope you are feeling better soon. posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 5:43 PM on February 17, 2014 Would it be considered okay if I took a quiz the same day that is worth less that I feel I can handle in my condition or would that hurt my prospects of having this exam postponed? If I were the academic Dean or your Professor/Instructor that would be a bit of a ringer for me. This suggests to me that the anxiety is some what task dependent and possibly related to preparation and/or consequences. All or none posted by rmhsinc at 5:46 PM on February 17, 2014 Do you think it would be acceptable to get a doctors note to postpone this exam until my bout of extreme anxiety passes. Yes, it is totally acceptable. Couple of things to consider- Are you sure the anxiety is not related to the exam at all? Things have a way of bleeding into each other with anxiety. I get that feeling coz you want to postpone it, and also consider the option of taking a quiz instead. If I am wrong, please disregard the comment. If not, that's something to keep in mind. You certainly dont want to talk about both options to the supervisor. Pick one and go from there. Also, if you can get through the exam now, know that you will be done with it for good. If you postpone it, you still have to deal with it. Only you know what you can and cannot handle right now. And whatever you can handle is totally fine. In the meantime, know that having a seriously ill parent is enough reason to get GI distress and anxiety to a non-anxious person. So yeah, having anxiety right now is so normal. On top of that an emotional support falling apart is enough to give anyone GI issues. It might be helpful to you to start keeping track of such things to manage the anxiety better. While the exam is postponed, do look into anxiety-relieving meds from a psychiatrist to get through exams or such in the future. Try not to avoid events, it just reinforces anxiety. Hope this helps. I am sorry about your father. posted by xm at 5:53 PM on February 17, 2014 Also see if there is an ombudsperson at your school; they can help posted by thelonius at 5:54 PM on February 17, 2014 If you were one of my students, this is the advice I would give you: go see your Dean of Students (or similar). They will know exactly how to navigate this situation, and if need be, will spare you the awkwardness of discussing your personal business with your professor. posted by baby beluga at 5:58 PM on February 17, 2014 Do you think it would be acceptable to get a doctors note to postpone this exam until my bout of extreme anxiety passes. That's something you'll want to take up with the administration, not the professor, for a variety of reasons which have been mentioned here already. But just for the record, I think you may find that nervousness about an exam is not generally viewed as an acceptable reason for taking a rain check on said exam, medical diagnosis or no. If your doctor can find things other than the exam which might justify taking it at a later date, that's one thing. But you do eventually have to take it, anxiety notwithstanding. Such a request would seem to be pushing the boundaries of "reasonable accommodation". So make sure that doctor's note not only emphasizes the abnormal severity of your anxiety, but also links that anxiety to something other than the same academic pressure that all of your classmates are experiencing. posted by valkyryn at 6:09 PM on February 17, 2014 A former academic here...listen to "baby beluga" and "valkyryn". Take the doctor's note to the Dean of Students or ask a staff member in their office who you should talk to about the situation. It is not a good idea to go class by class or professor by professor and ask them..they may have widely varying personal policies and you have a problem that will probably affect all your classes, at least for a little while. Very sorry about your Dad and I sympathize with your anxiety issues. posted by bessiemae at 6:14 PM on February 17, 2014 If your school has a Disabilities office, and you can get a note from your doctor describing this, you may be able to get test accommodations. I would talk to them ASAP. I have ADHD, and I also have severe anxiety caused by the Concerta I take for said ADHD. My doctor mentioned both in a letter to my college's Disabilities office. And I had to make a Midterm, the day before I was due to get my medication adjusted for the anxiety. Since in my case it was unrealistic to postpone the exam, the Disabilities office set up the following for me - a quiet room to take the test, unlimited testing time, a box of tissues, and they let me have some relaxing tea. And while I probably didn't do as well on the test as I'd like to (I don't have the grade yet), I was able to complete it in a relaxing, isolated environment. If I would have had to take it with the normal time limit, in the classroom with all the other students, I know that I would have done much worse, and possibly had an anxiety attack in the middle of it all. Good luck, and sorry to hear about your father. posted by spinifex23 at 6:29 PM on February 17, 2014 I don't know the policy at your school, but when I was in college, it was sufficient to go to the student clinic the day of the exam for whatever reason and get a note documenting your visit (the note would never discuss any medical issues, just that you were seen). You could then contact the professor, inform him or her you were not feeling well, and present the note as documentation if requested. The exam would then be rescheduled. Check your school policy to learn about your options. posted by Behemoth at 6:35 PM on February 17, 2014 If one of my students came to me with this, I would refer them to our Disability Affairs department which is under the Dean of Student Services. I'd also remind you that the contact info for Disability Affairs is required to be in every professor's syllabus. You should know that we are required to take your needs seriously. Take a look at your syllabus. I bet the contact info is right there for you. posted by 26.2 at 6:37 PM on February 17, 2014 Make it clear that the reason you want to postpone is situational. Don't include the situational issues such as your father's illness as an afterthought, as you did here. If you don't emphasize the situational nature, the person you are speaking to is quickly going to be wondering why you won't just have the same anxiety issues when the postponed exam eventually approaches. posted by treehorn+bunny at 6:47 PM on February 17, 2014 A major reason to do this through the Dean of Students or Disabilities Services or whomever is that they will tell your professor the minimum possible. Having been in this position, I really really didn't want to know the nature of the student's illness, all I wanted to know was that a reliable source (ie an administrator) was telling me that the student needed to postpone taking the exam. In my case I needed to make sure that I wasn't overly lenient due to being sympathetic, but it could just as easily be antipathy if you have a professor who isn't sympathetic to mental illness. Go to the Dean of Students. They'll be a middleman and ensure that the prof doesn't know more than they need to. posted by matildatakesovertheworld at 8:27 PM on February 17, 2014 As a former college instructor, honestly, I would only allow a student to take an exam late for something like this if they had gone through Disability Services or a similar appropriate office. (Full disclosure -- I was extremely strict about not missing exams, emergencies only.) Further, if you've been keeping up with the material, it's hard to imagine that you will do better on the exam by postponing. Later you'll have new material you're supposed to be focusing on, and if you let yourself get behind (especially if this is in all classes), it's extremely hard to get caught up. You might seriously consider taking the semester off if your anxiety is so bad that you can't take any major exams. I mean, I don't see an end in sight here -- I'm guessing your circumstances will not quickly change. posted by ktkt at 9:12 PM on February 17, 2014 As a former university admin and current student with disabilities, I can say with 99% certainty that they will have a procedure for this. (And as a side note, anything from a doctor usually meets the 'official' criteria.) Your university will usually have a full set of their rules and regulations on their web site, and the exams department will almost certainly have a summary of the relevant parts on their sub pages. And check back in your emails - it's fairly standard procedure to mention these policies in any communications you've had about exam dates. posted by danteGideon at 7:41 AM on February 18, 2014