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intoxicated-chan · 11 months

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𝟎𝟎𝟏 *ೃ༄ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲

© 2023 Intoxicated-Chan, I do not allow my work to be copied, translated, modified, adapted, or put on any other platform with permission. None of the photos used belong to me! Credits to @/cafekitsune for the divider!!

Series’ Masterlist // Wattpad Vers.

Word Count ➳❥ 2k

(A/n) ➳❥ PLEASE READ! I’ve decided to add Olivia Octavius because I love her character. I am asking you all for your thoughts and opinions. Anyways, enjoy reading!

Content Warnings ➳❥ Swearing, manipulation, emotional blackmail, thoughts of violence…

» » YOU’RE HERE « « ⊰ 002 ⊰

Clickety clack! Clickety clack! Clickety clack! Clickety clack!

The sounds of your keyboard were the only thing heard in your freezing room, not like you could tell with your blasting headphones.

You shivered for the hundredth time. Your legs become sore from remaining crossed, your neck ached at your hunched over posture. In turn, you sat up. You let out a strained moan as you stretched your limbs. Your laptop was set to the side as you stood to stretch even more. The headphones were moved to be around your neck, rubbing your ears as some kind of relief.

As much as you’re determined to get your work turned in on time, your mind was distracted. The nervous pit in your stomach grew by the hour, part of it was relieved and the other, saddened. You have a scheduled meeting with your counselor in a half hour.

It’s just a half hour, no need to get all worked up. But you grew impatient, you felt like time was moving purposely slow just to screw with your emotions.

Like before, you were distracted. You couldn’t get your piece turned in on time if your own head hates you.

You changed into appropriate clothing or the weather. It was chilly out but not too cold. Just some simple sweats, sneakers and a hoodie. You brought your necessary items with you in a small bag and headed out, making sure you locked your door. Then, out You went to the campus.

You put your headphones back where they belong, and played your music. You took your usual path to the counselors office, walking random floors until you arrived on time. You arrived at their office and knocked on the door.

“You can come in, (Y/n).” You open and quietly shut the door, seeing your counselor sitting at their desk. They typed a few more words before turning their attention to you, “I noticed on your application that you’re open to internships. Are you still interested in them?”

You slip your headphones off and take a seat, “Still not sure if I am.” You admit, “I don’t think I can do work without getting paid.”

“Well, you’re just in luck.” The counselor types a few more things into their computer and turns the monitor to your direction, “Alchemax is a multinational chemical corporation. The CEO is willing to hire an intern.”

You lift an eyebrow, “A Chemical corporation? But I’m a writer.”

“I know you are but the CEO has high connections all over the place. Every student who has worked with the CEO or even worked a simple job in Alchemax now is making lots of money doing what they love. Their majors were completely different.”

You look back at the monitor, then to your counselor, “...I’m not sure if I want to do an internship with Alchemax.”

Your counselor sighs, “You do understand that Mr. O’Hara is one of the major donors. He’s the only reason that the community college is still up and running. It would be a tragedy if he stops donating money.”

Money. Of fucking course. It’s always about the money.

Your head hangs low, “This may be the chance to push your writing career forward. In the future, when you look back, you’ll be filled with guilt knowing that you had a chance. So, what will it be?”

“...I’ll do the internship.”

“That’s the spirit! Write up an email, have me as your referral, and then send it to Mr. O’Hara. I’ll write down his email.” They began writing down on a post it note, “You’re making the right choice and it’s like I told you in the beginning of your first year, I know you will become a great writer.”

You paced around your room. This feeling wasn’t nervousness, it was pure panic. Why did you let your counselor convince you that Alchemax was good enough? No, it wasn’t! You knew nothing about chemicals!

And the research wasn’t enough. There was no way a learning writer could ever work with a company with the complete opposite!

Your email was finished, ready to be sent off. But you couldn’t. How could you not? This was your dream, to become a writer. Yet you didn’t want to become one where all eyes were on you, you wanted to be a simple writer, nothing all.

“It would be a tragedy if he stops donating money.”

You hated it. The feeling where everything was put on your shoulders and it counted on you. You couldn’t afford it if Mr. O’Hara does stop donating. You fucking hated it. You clicked send and began beating yourself up on how weak you are.

Alchemax Building // 12:50 PM

It’s almost been an hour. Where is this O’Hara guy?!

Your leg bounces up and down, as you continue to look back at your phone only for time to slowly move by. You sat here for over an hour after the receptionist told you it would only be a few minutes. A FEW MINUTES.

Why did you say yes to this again?

When you thought about leaving, the evaluator pinged and the doors opened. It revealed a disheveled and annoyed man who kept his eyes focused on the doors.

You take a deep breath as you stand, “Um, excuse me?” But he walks right by you, “Excuse me!” You say, louder this time.

The man responds with a heavy sigh, “Yes?”

“I’m (Y/n) (L/n), I’m a student at the (only) community college and I sent an email about an open internship.”

“Lyla.” He said and a woman appeared next to his head, “Were there any emails about the internships?”

“Well yeah, I read them all to you.”

“A heads up could’ve been nice.”

“Yeah yeah, I gotta check in on the R&D before they blow out another window.” She disappears.

“Right. This way.” He leads you to his office, opening the door and letting himself in first. You enter behind him, the door closing.

“As you know, I’m Miguel O’Hara, CEO of Alchemax.”

“I’m aware.”

Mr. O’Hara sits down with a heavy huff, “And then you must be aware that there is no need for an intern.”

You freeze in place, “I’m sorry?”

“If I remember correctly, you’re a writer applying to Alchemax.”

“I understand that but-”

“What purpose does a writer have in Alchemax? What purpose can you provide to the company?” He lifts an eyebrow, clearly trying to piss you off and sadly, it was working.

It was amusing to him. You could see the cocky smirk on his face as he waited for a response.

“The company was given to you. You then became the leader in rebuilding structures and in general, Earth. after numerous incidents (which is strange). But there have been gray areas in your company’s past which people like to bring up. You are thriving for change, and but at the same time, you hate change. I want to help you towards your goal and you don’t like people helping because you know you could do it yourself. The reason why the public kinda… hates you.” You now mumble, your head hanging low in embarrassment.

Shit! I said too much!

“What was your name again?”

“...(Y/n) (L/n).”

“I give you two weeks.” He sighs, “If you don’t screw anything up in those two weeks then you have a job here.”

“Thank you very much, Mr. O’Hara-”

“But if you do, then you go back to your community college and don’t even bother to try to come back. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Good.” Mr. O’Hara leans back and opens his laptop, “Lyla is down at the Research and Development Department, make sure the insights are correct. She’ll explain it to you.”

“Um, of course.”

“Tenth floor.” He said before you walk out the doors of his office.

Did you forget that your heart was racing the entire time? Or that you wanted to punch him in his face?

R&D Department // 5:22 PM

“Here at the Research Department, we keep the company competitive. We stay up to date on any new material and we’re always trying to improve. But we also keep an eye on the market, any incidents.”

“Incidents?”

“I thought you told it to Miguel. Alchemax rebuilds anything after an incident dealing with whether it be a building or someone doing something stupid, Alchemax is always to the rescue!”

“I need you to pass these to Dr. Octavius and put a rush on them. She’s been asking for them non-stop.” The man shoves the stack of papers into your hands and returns to his desk.

You held back the urge to sigh and curse at the man. But you have no standing here. You were a simple unpaid intern for two weeks. If you screwed up your chance, then you can kiss your dreams goodbye.

Did I tell you how much I hate it here?

“Of course I can.”

If I know where her office is.

After minutes of looking at name plates, you finally find her office. You transfer the papers to one arm and knock on the door.

“Those better be the reports I’ve asked for.” You hear.

“Yes, they are.” You respond.

“Then come on in!”

You carefully enter her office and see that it was more of a lab than office. A strong smell immediately hits your nose and you try to keep yourself composed to make it to where the lady seemed to be looking through a microscope.

“Don’t be shy.” She said, still not looking away, “Come on over.”

You reach her desk, setting the files down, “Is that all?”

Finally, she looks up, eyeing you up and down, “A new employee? Wow, it’s a surprise that Miguel finally got his head out of his butt.”

“I’m sorry-? No, no, I’m just an intern… For two weeks.” You correct her.

“Ah! The classic two week deal.”

“He’s done this before?”

Dr. Octavius nods with a smile, “He’s done it to most of the new employees here. Me especially. He never did like my drive and focus on science.” She uses her leg to pull up a rolling chair next to her.

You sit, mainly because you didn’t want to go back onto that floor, “I’m listening.”

“The press was all over one incident when I blew up a room after I came up with another idea. Who would’ve thought a collider would explode and so he put the two weeks rule, if any of us does something stupid, we’re done for. No excuses.”

“And there is no excuse for this.”

You jump out of your seat and turn around, Mr. O’Hara stood at the door, “You have around three more hours before you have a break. Care to explain?”

You open your mouth to speak but Olivia stands and places a hand on your shoulder, “I asked her for her opinion on some new tests and if she could hand these results to you.” Handing you a thin file.

You walk over to him and hand them to you, “Leave.” He tells you, “And go home.”

You hurry out the door and not look back.

“What are you trying to do Olivia?” He asks.

“I don’t know what you mean.” She pulls off her glasses and starts to clean them.

“This isn’t the first intern that you asked for an opinion. You do understand that they are interns, interns. They have no say, they have no experience in whatever they are doing.”

Olivia puts them on and lets out a playful sigh, “And you do know that I have to warn the interns that a simple mistake ruins your mood. Everything ruins your mood.”

“They can drag the company to the ground.”

“Is that what you’re angry about?”

“She’s my intern.”

“Then shouldn’t you be teaching her?”

Mr. O’Hara shakes his head and walks out, slamming the door on the way.

“Now that is a man with issues.”

Taglist // @neteyamsbulletwound ,

#x reader #x female reader #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara #spiderman x y/n #spiderman 2099 x reader #spiderman x reader #spiderman x you #spiderman 2099 #spiderman #spider man 2099 #spider man across the spider verse #spiderman series

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pawnshopbleus · 2 months

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Miller's Girl

Chapter Two - Professor Miller

Professor!Joel Miller x Fem!College Student!Reader Very Loosely based off of the new movie, Miller's Girl, starring Jenna Ortega and Martin Freeman

Summary - Your landlord decides to raise the rent in your studio apartment the day you are fired from your job. In need of money, you sign up for a babysitting service your friend suggested. You didn’t expect to get an offer so quickly, and you also didn’t expect to come from your professor.

Series contains - cursing, mature language, teacher x student relationship, age gap, smut, fluff, angst, non beta read chapters and everything else I forgot to mention

Authors Note - Sorry for the late update. My mom took my computer away and I physically cannot write on my phone.

College, no outbreak, and modern AU

Joel had been looking for a new babysitter ever since the last one had left. She was an older lady who had lost her husband in the Vietnam War. Joel respected her until she quit unexpectedly the Saturday evening before Joel had a big dinner with the president of the university. He had to beg Tommy and Maria to watch Sarah for the night.

You were the first person that caught his eye on the website. Your experience was subpar and your bio was brief but it contained just enough detail to get him interested. When he scrolled to see what else you did outside of babysitting, his smile fell from his face. You were a student and not just any student. You were a student at the university he taught at. He didn’t want to risk his employment for a simple babysitter so he kept scrolling. Each profile after yours looked plain and simple, something he didn’t like. No one seemed qualified enough to take care of his beloved Sarah except you.

His email to you was like your bio, brief but it contained just enough detail. He signed his name at the bottom and prayed that his position didn’t scare you away. He needed you to agree to this. You were perfect for the job. You were young and could connect with Sarah more than the last babysitter did. Judging from your bio, you were also smart. You seemed like a great role model for Sarah.

Your response came an hour later. Joel chewed on his bottom lip in anticipation of what the email would say. He let out a sigh of relief when you agreed to become Sarah’s babysitter.

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

One word that you would use to describe yourself would be unlucky. You were sure that whoever worked high up in the sky had it out for you.

Your counselor called you into his office early Saturday morning to discuss your future after college. You told him that you hoped to become an interior designer once you graduate. He then asked why you didn’t major in interior design instead of architecture. You then told him that he should have asked you this when you were a freshman. You could tell that your counselor wanted to roll his eyes but he kept his composure. He clicked and scrolled away on his computer while you sat there in silence.

“You’re ten credits under the required amount to graduate,” your counselor said.

“What?” The scream you let out contrasted the monotone voice your counselor spoke in.

Your counselor let out a breath through his nose. “Look, you can either graduate next year or you can take another required class for your major.”

“But I thought that I completed all the required classes for my major? It’s the middle of the first semester and I’m pretty sure all the classes are full.”

“There’s one class open with two seats left. I can put you in that class and you’ll start on Monday. You’ll have to catch up on work but i’m pretty sure you’ll be fine.” Your counselor looks you up and down and continues, “You don’t seem like the type to get out much.”

Your left eye twitched at the comment. It was true, but he had no right to say that. You could report him to his superiors but that would be too much paperwork.

“Who teaches the class?” you asked. You hoped that at least the teacher was nice. Maybe they would be a little bit nicer than the asshole in charge of your future at this school.

“Professor Miller.”

└── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┘

Mondays were never Joel’s favorite time of the week. Sarah had soccer on Mondays and Fridays which meant that he had to get up extra early to pack her bags. The last time she packed her own bag, she forgot her ball and her cleats. When the babysitter starts everything will be a lot easier for him.

A new student has just been added to his roster. Never in his twenty-five years of teaching has a student been added to his class in the middle of the semester. Just another paper to read and another packet of homework to grade. This is exactly what he needed! It’s not like he didn’t have a twelve-year-old daughter to raise all by himself.

The campus is stunningly beautiful in the mornings. The sun shines on the trees and grass, illuminating the green blades and leaves. The school spends a lot of money on its campus. They pride themselves on having one of the prettiest campuses in all of Texas.

Joel’s lecture room isn’t too far from where he parked. It’s nice outside. The October breeze sweeps his hair back and he has to smooth it down with his hands. The brown messenger bag slung around his shoulders dangles and hits against his outer thigh as he walks. Contrary to popular belief, Joel isn’t mean or rude. He’s just a simple man who prefers to have a little privacy once in a while. He is also tough on his students because he wants them to succeed. Professors who are “easy” get on his nerves. They crave the respect of their students rather than earning it. Joel has worked too damn long and hard to care about what his students think about him.

His lecture room is cold. Not the usual sixty degrees he likes to keep it at, but more like a chilly forty degrees. He can see his breath flow out in front of him like a ghost. He knows that his students hate being in a cold classroom, but none of them are brave enough to tell him what to do.

Students start pouring in and sitting in their usual seats. They can immediately tell the temperature difference. They hug their arms closer and rock their bodies, trying to preserve warmth.

The small hand of the clock hovers over the number nine and Joel walks over to the door getting ready to lock it. Just as his hand hovers over the knob, the door is thrown open and Joel stumbles back.

You enter the classroom, eyes wide. You look around at the vast array of students already sitting down in their seats. They all look at you with a look of horror. You don’t understand why they are looking at you like that until you turn around.

Professor Miller is standing at his full height, his arms are crossed, and he looks like he’s about to explode with anger. Then, he sees your face and realizes who you are. He must have recognized you from the website because his shoulders relax and he nods his head to the sea of students, prompting you to sit down.

The only seat open is in the back of the room. You walk through the sea of students all looking at you. Some look at you with a look of sympathy while others look at you with disgust.

You make yourself as small as possible when you reach your seat. Once you reach inside your bag, you realize that you have forgotten your laptop on your bed. No wonder your bag felt lighter today than it usually does.

You pull a pen and paper out of your bag and begin scribbling as much information as you can. Your usual neat handwriting looks more like chicken scratch as you try and copy down information thrown at you by Professor Miller. It would have been a lot easier if he talked a little slower.

Two hours have flown by and students practically skip out of the class, happy to escape the cold. Thanks to your seat being in the back, you were one of the last people to get to the door. Before you can exit, Professor Miller stands in front of you, his arms crossed once again.

“This was strike number one,” he said. You gulped and opened your mouth to explain yourself, but he put his hand up. Your mouth closed shut and you nodded your head.

The rest of the day, you walked with your head held low. It wasn’t until you got back to your apartment that you finally felt better. Being home meant that there wouldn’t be anyone there to judge you or give you dirty looks.

You flopped onto your bed. Bill went up in the air and fell back down onto the bed. Bill could sense your distress, so he curled up next you and the two of you fell asleep.

#joel miller fic #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #joel tlou #joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller

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thegreenleavesofspring · 5 months

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By the way, when I say that the American church has FAILED, this is what I'm talking about:

The email I sent to Focus on the Family a couple weeks ago, identifying information redacted:

Hello,

My name is [redacted] and I followed a link to one of your website's articles - about Biblical discipline - and saw the massive donation solicitation banner at the top of the website, saying any donations would go to families in need.

My mother is very much in need.

She is 61 and severely disabled, mentally and physically. In 2016 she had a stroke, which type has a 70% death rate and of the remaining 30%, the vast majority never recover any cognitive or physical function. She is a medical outlier in that she recovered both - through odds so astronomical it is a blatant miracle she survived at all - to some degree. But now her cognitive abilities are declining, as well as her mobility and eyesight: she is effectively 100% disabled.

She is also currently undergoing an eviction since she can no longer pay rent. She had planned to move into her car, but earlier this week it had an oil/engine failure that will require about $7,000 of work to repair. Her insurance would pay for it, save that she has a $1,000 deductible she cannot afford.

She gets $914 a month in disability.

I am a single mother of three boys five and under; my husband has walked out on us and does not pay child support and I cannot get any legal division to enforce it. I make $1,000 a month, and also do not own a car or have any sort of transportation. I order her groceries online and try to get small expenses for her when I can, and that is the most aid I am currently able to offer.

Right now she just needs her car repaired. But we do not have $1,000 for that deductible.

We have spent weeks calling every phone number and resource in the area and even the state. The churches send us to the government, the government sends us to the NGOs, the NGOs send us to the churches. No one helps.

Your website claims you help families. I looked under the "get help" tab and found nothing of any use, hence this email.

Will you help my family?

Sincerely,

~~~~

I got this in return:

Dear [Redacted],

Thank you for writing to Focus on the Family. Your willingness to share your concerns means a lot to us, and we want you to know we care about you, your dear mother, and your children.

Our hearts are heavy after reading about the serious financial problems your disabled mother is facing right now. We’re especially concerned to hear that her car has broken down and she has no place to call home. Though we realize you’ve already asked for assistance from churches and a number of organizations, we recommend you contact the Salvation Army. You can visit their website at: Salvation Army: Housing and Homeless Services. We’d also like to mention three more online sources of information: National Coalition for the Homeless, 2-1-1 Get Help, Catholic Charities USA. We can’t guarantee that they will be able to provide the help you need, nor can we say with certainty that they consistently uphold Christian values and ethics. Nevertheless, we think it would be worthwhile to find out what services are available. Please note that our mentioning these organizations should not be taken as an endorsement by our ministry.

Be assured we’re praying for the Lord to comfort your mother, provide for her many needs, and lead her to a safe place to live. We’re also asking God to surround you and your three young sons with caring people who will offer their support and help you in practical ways.

Along with praying for you, we invite you to call the Christian counselors on our staff if you think it might be helpful to discuss your concerns with caring professionals. They might be able to offer additional suggestions and useful referral information. To reach them, please call 1-855-771-HELP (4357) any weekday between 6:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M. (MT). Someone on our staff will ask for your name and phone number in order to arrange for a counselor to return your call as soon as they’re able. This service is available at no cost to you.

[Redacted], we understand you contacted our ministry because you saw a banner on our website indicating that all donations to our ministry are used to help families in need. In order to provide clarification, we need to explain that the purpose of our ministry is to respond to the spiritual, emotional, and psychological needs of individuals and families. We do this by praying, providing books and other resources, airing broadcasts that address the serious issues many people face, and offering one free consultation with a professional Christian counselor on our staff. The financial contributions we receive are used to accomplish these objectives.

While it’s true that our ministry has been privileged on occasion to provide financial assistance to those experiencing hardships, our capacity to do this is limited as we are primarily a media ministry. Unfortunately, as much as we would like to, we’re not always able to offer monetary aid to the many individuals and families whose needs are brought to our attention. We’re so sorry to disappoint you.

Thanks again for writing to us, [Redacted]. God bless you and your loved ones, and may He always be the strength of your heart and your refuge.

[Redacted]

Focus on the Family

~~~~

I'll hand it to the Catholics. They do try. But their assistance is focused primarily on Catholics - quite understandable - and within their own parishes - equally understandable.

You might as well ask a brick wall for help as any Protestant church. Actually the brick wall probably at least won't - more or less literally - slam a door in your face.

I know good and well that my mother, my family, is not the only one in such dire straits. There is nowhere to turn - least of all our 'brothers' and 'sisters'.

One of these days the leaders of all these churches - these vastly wealthy mega churches and the haughty local churches and all of them - are going to have to answer to Christ about all the blood on their hands of their own people they left to starve and freeze and die in the streets.

(I'd bet good money - if I had any - that they'll have the money to put on a Christmas pageant this year.)

#James 2:15 & 16

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samijami · 3 months

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I'm in deep shit and everything i own might be looked through by CPS so i need to log out of my side emails for a bit and shit and omfg why did life do this to me

That night I got high, my friend decided to tell the office 'one of her friends' (who they guessed was me) said a various amount of things in snap messages, which she read most of them out loud and played the audio from that video of my parents arguing

She said she didn't intend for it to go too far, and that she only wanted them to get a gist of what was happening and not guess who it was (just incase they did need to step in or if I actually really badly hurt or killed myself). But they called me in for the counselor, and now CPS is involved since my friend read one of our messages where i said i didn't feel safe in my home

So CPS came to my house today after telling me they would at my school, and now they're coming here AGAIN later to LOOK THROUGH MY ROOM AND EVEN MY DEVICES TO SEE SHIT ON MY SOCIALS AND IF I POSE A DANGER TO MYSELF

they all know i lied to my parents and said that the person who reported me reported a couple other people, and were trying to start drama. Idk if the principal knows all of this but I'm gonna try to lie to him because:

My father called the school to know who called CPS and the principal told him i had a trans bf, and that i said i was in the LGBTQ

THE PRINCIPAL OUTED ME FFS I WAS AVOIDING THIS ALL YEAR

HE HAS NO FUCKING RIGHT TO OUT ME HE HAS NO FUCKING RIGHT

CPS is coming back and idk when, but i have a plan and it's my only hope..it's such a small hope and the chances of it working need a fucking miracle, but if this doesn't work? I will literally kill myself. If CPS doesn't take me away at that point, life would be miserable. My father is convinced that I'm only wanting to attend that vocational school next year because my 'sick girlfriend' is going and I want to be with 'her'. So if he gets in, then my father said that I can't attend it. He literally told me to go and tell my bf to call off attending the vocational school and if he doesn't, then he'd be ruining my dreams of a career

MY FATHER IS GOING TO RUIN MY WHOLE FUCKING FUTURE IF SOME TRANS GUY GETS INTO THE SCHOOL I WANT TO ATTEND AND HES TRYING TO MAKE ME BLAME HIM

TO. HIS. FACE.

But thankfully, my little inkling of hope has appeared and I might be able to cover this all up. But, after all of this, me and my bf will have to hide in public, and I won't be able to be out at school at all.

I'm not going through my plan here, I'm just telling you guys your part. I need this or else my life is on the line. Quite literally, it's fucking scary.

First, I'm logging out of all of my secrets Gmails, and making a new Tumblr account. I need the people who I'm writing stories with to make alt accounts (@oatsynalliums and @technicolor-chocolate) that pretend to be either indiscrete or just blatantly not LGBTQ, and pretend like we've been talking about our stories for a while in our messages

Second, never ever interact with any accounts that might link back to my main, or yours. And try to avoid LGBTQ content so that it won't pop up on my dashboard due to you interacting with it

Three, someone TRUSTWORTHY keep track of my Gmail passwords and write them down to tell me later so that they won't get found on anything I own, so I can log back into them later

Four, someone who's smart and knows a lot about the internet and how sites work, answer me some questions in messages

This is DIRE. I could DIE. I am begging you guys to go alon with this part of the plan, and don't question anything since I am scrambling like crazy to put this whole thing into motion I EVEN INTERRUPTED MY FRIEND IN THE MIDDLE OF HER JOB TO CALL HER ON SNAP AND SHE NEEDED TO GET AN EXCUSE FROM HER MANAGER SO I CAN TALK TO HER CUZ ITS THIS URGENT I COULDNT EVEN WAIT UNTIL SHE WAS OFF OF WORK

PLEASE FUCKING HELP IM BEGGING YOU PLEASE

#tw caps #tw child abuse

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nerdygaymormon · 11 months

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What do you think I should do after a temple recommend interview gone wrong? My stake president insisted on asking me more questions about whether I lived the law of chastity, citing his priesthood authority. He tried to ask me very specific questions, and he told me he was doing this because I had told him I was queer. He also had some very strong words about attending the temple unworthily. I had to tell him I had not had sexual relations several times before he moved on to the next question. This has never been my experience with temple recommend interviews before, even when I was out to priesthood leaders in the past. I want to report him, but I don't know for sure who my area president is, and even if I did, would he be on my side? I hate feeling like I have no resort.

I'm so sorry this happened, it is the very essence of what is meant by "leader roulette," in that the queer experience at church varies dramatically depending on who is chosen as the local leader.

I applaud you for resisting those questions until the stake president insisted and threatened to withhold the temple recommend if you didn't answer his questions.

I like your idea of writing the area president to share your experience and to explain how as a queer member you already make a big sacrifice to remain that isn't requested of other members, and rather than be welcomed and embraced, this interview makes you feel like you're viewed with suspicion, it makes you feel othered.

You'll need to determine which Area you live in. Here's a map. If it's not clear, such as if you live near the border, you can google. For example, google the words "LDS Utah Area" and it'll bring up a webpage for the Area and that page includes a map. Once you've identified your Area, here's the list of Area Presidencies.

Area Presidencies in North America live in Utah, you can send a letter by writing to this address: Elder So-and-so 50 East North Temple Salt Lake City , UT 84150

For Area Presidencies outside of North America, the webpage for the Area hopefully has the address for the Area offices.

My experience is a written letter is most likely to be read and responded to, emails are less likely to be seen.

Stake Presidents serve for 9 years, so it's likely your stake president will still be serving next time you need to renew your recommend. You could request the stake executive secretary have you meet with one of the counselors.

Also, you are allowed to bring another adult into the room with you, and I think it's a good idea. Having another adult in the room usually makes it less likely the church leader will stray from the standard questions. And if they do go rogue and ask more invasive questions, your friend can speak up and ask why? Your friend can point out Handbook 26.3 says he isn't supposed to add any requirements nor add any personal beliefs or interpretations. He is supposed to ask the standard questions to determine if you have a testimony and are striving to live the gospel, and you can appropriately answer the questions, he shouldn't be adding additional questions or requirements.

Good luck to you, my friend

#queerstake

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arrthurpendragon · 10 months

Text

Life Rant-ish

I had hoped that by now, I’d be in a better place and writing much more. But things only seem to be dragging on. The depression has come back - I mean, I know it never fully goes away, but like I said on here - last week, I finally realized it. Brushing one’s hair once in two months should be an obvious outward sign. Not showering for two weeks should be another. But apprently not, at least so it seems to my school.

My principal doesn’t “believe” I’m burned out. I’m guessing he thinks it’s all in my head - or I’m making myself burned out. (Like he thought I did with COVID - how the hell does one mentally give oneself COVID?) He’s pissed I didn’t get a newsletter out every week. First, I couldn’t even brush my hair or teeth for like a month - you really think I’d be able to get a newsletter out? Second, this was something completely new to us as a school. Compared to the year before when I didn’t do it at all, a newsletter every three weeks was better than nothing. Again, I know I didn’t do as expected (or apparently agreed upon - according to principal, but I never “agreed” I was told. There’s a difference)

3/5 of my teaching standards for review were given the lowest rating . . . because of my church attendance. Yes, once I moved I had a harder time getting to church - but that’s also when my depression started getting bad. My principal was told by my counselor - which I was made to go to by him - that I should be “allowed” to attend another church (same denomination) for my mental health. I was told in my review that “they need a teacher who can be at there church” That being said, I ended up going more like once a month the last 4 months of the school year and the weeks i didn’t, I watched online. But then because I didn’t take communion, it all but “cemented” my low score.

I told my principal that I had been getting panic attacks going to that church. His only respone was “I didn’t know that” But I reluctantly went on Sunday. I stayed in my car for 20 minutes doing a zen color by number and then went in to sit in the basement. And then there was communion. So, I went up. The pastor hugged me during communion. And then after the service, he waits for me, gives me another hug and then tells me that I’m wanted there.

Then comes the emotional whiplash.

A few hours later, a school board memeber emails me and tells me that they need to meet with me due to “parental concerns” (never been told about any before) “council memeber interactions” (literally no idea what this is) and “my end of the year review” (which considering I was in a trauma response the entire time because my principal told me one minute before the review that the pastor would be sitting in on it - when he had been told one month prior that I don’t do well with those things due to my trauma response - HE KNEW) and they pigeon-holed me into certain days.

Thankfully I talked to my counselor - she told me to tell them that for medical reasons, I can’t meet those days. Which is true - but due to mental health reasons. She also said that I should bring someone with me to this meeting. I told them dates I’d be available with another person - but they still haven’t gotten back to me.

. . . but I’m anxious that they’ll just randomly show up at my house. Because that’s what my principal has done in the past. Because I didn’t answer my phone . . . because it was dead. He dragged another teacher to show up at my house to “check” on me.

Like don’t get me wrong, this year was crap. But the way they are going about it, isn’t helpful. Clearly they haven’t taken the time to get to know me.

When I was debating this job, I was told so much of how this place is like a “family” My mistake for thinking it would be a good family, not a crappy one.

I even told my counselor that i feel like the “appendix” of this body. (For those who aren’t Christian, the church is often related to a body that functions together) The appendix - ignored when it’s “doing directly as told” and threatened to be cut off when it doesn’t do exactly what they want.

So, I’m back to counseling every week, instead of every 4-6 weeks. And my counselor has recommended me for IOP (intensive outpatient program) to work on DBT skills.

I’ve been trying to work on getting a public school job, but it’s the kids that keep me second guessing. I have one student I’ve even been tutoring this summer. I know he needs me and it breaks my heart. But at the same time, I can’t pour from an empty glass.

. . . oh, and since it’s we get paid 12 months of the year, we’re supposed to be at school 12 months of the year. And we’re supposed to sign in and out and write what we did.

I’m sure there’s more drama/crap I’m forgetting. But this is what I’ve been dealing with for the past few weeks. This is why I’ve been overly-stressed. This is why I haven’t been as active as I’d like.

To those who have reached out so far - thank you.

To those who have left me encouraging messages or compliments or reviews - thank you.

Y’all mean the world to me. Truly, I feel that y’all are more of a family to me than my family or this supposed “church family.”

Although, there’s one thing I’ve come to learn from all of this. I don’t beleive in organized religion anymore. The group I’ve associated with because it’s what I was raised in has a lot of cultish tendancies (like having no say because I’m a woman without a husband? Yep) But I do cling to my faith. It’s such an odd thing. But a big reason for my faith is because I want to see my mother again (she died when i was 9, for those unfamiliar) So, religion crisis, but not faith crisis? Does that even make sense?

On top of this all, the iRS messed up my taxes from last year. I made a quarterly payment before April and they applied it to the year before’s taxes, so I got it back in a refund (didn’t realize that) so I owed money when i thought I was getting a refund. Joy.

But this too shall pass. I know that things will get better somehow. No idea how, but things will get better. I did sell the lawnmower that came with the house - so I made a bit of money. And my kitties DEMAND snuggles with me. Marsali keeps me laughing because she’s a crazy puppy. I’ve fallen in love with reading again - that’s what I’ve been doing for anxiety relief - reading. Read the Bridgerton Rokesby prequels (well the first three) If you like Bridgerton - I’d highly suggest giving them a read.

tldr: life sucks right now, but I’ll get through it. I always do. It’s just not fun.

#tw: depression #tw: culty vibes #tw: religion

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winchester-reload · 1 year

Note

Jackie...fellow bi needs assistance. I'm in the closet and my only outlet is Destiel fanfic and internet forums where I hide and search for friendly faces. Fic recs, advice, help me pls? Also, is there a way to buy your art without anyone knowing? I live at home and my parents are not exactly on board with this part of me.

oof, okay, well, first--

I'm gonna answer this ask the best I can, but I can't promise I won't "disaster-bi" my way through it, so I apologize in advance. I'm not sure I'm qualified to give any advice. But right at the start of this I’m gonna drop some online resources for you:

the Bisexual Resource Center

Bisexual.org - topical info, people, resources

LGBTQ+ Student Resources

Now, if you’re looking for IRL community, without knowing your age, it's hard to point you to many concrete resources. But, some options are:

If you are high school-aged or older (which I assume you are), you can always find a teacher/counselor with a "safe zone" sticker in their room or office and see if they have any contact info for local lgbtq+ groups or organizations you could join or make friends. Typically it wouldn't be a concern that any of these people would out you, but if you're especially tentative about it, make sure you speak with a teacher or counselor you trust.

If you're in college or around the age where you can tour a college, I highly recommend talking with an admissions counselor at your local community or liberal arts college (on your own, without parents) and request resources for campus clubs or organizations you could join--

You also don’t have to go to the college to speak with them. You can simply email asking for resources, you don’t have to attend. A counselor or office admin would be more than happy to dig up some local resources for you or give you the contact info of someone who can - it’s literally what they do (trust me).

However, I know there are a lot of people who use destiel and this community as an outlet, or their only outlet, for lgbtq+ community and content, and, for the record, I think that’s great. There are a ton of friends to be had around here. If you’re comfortable, you can try to connect with some people on tumblr, maybe about fanfic you like, or fanfic you write, or art - hey, like me! - and start establishing some friendships. You can hang out via Discord, do voice and video chat, do watch-a-longs, you name it.

As far as the art question goes: All the art you order from me comes in a nondescript box or flat mailer, but you can always email me or message me in advance to request more packaging or discuss specific concerns you may have.

Now for the fic rec part!

A great one (that I’m also hesitant to recommend because I don’t know your age, but is very topically appropriate) is Four Letter Word by Bendingsignpost. In it, Dean explores is bisexuality - but please mind the tags. I’ll let other people recommend their favorite fics in the comments if anyone has one they’d like to add!

Now-- I sincerely hope some of this helps. even if just a little. (and if it doesn’t, or its not even close to what you wanted to know, I’m so sorry *finger guns*)

#asks #wonderful people #lgbtqia+#bisexual resources #destiel #destiel fic

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pretty-amorphous-blob · 2 years

Text

Apartments

Karl jacobs x reader

Slow burn from roommates to lovers, because idk man. As slow burn as you can make a oneshot.

Tw: reader is selectively mute, and is touch averse. Panic attacks and night terrors are described as well, negative self talk and abandonment issues.

Excuse any weirdness with this, I based the selective mutism loosely on what I’ve experienced

You saw all the people around campus laughing, talking, having fun. You knew that wasn’t for you, people just never took time to understand. They didn’t have patience to wait for you to croak out some small words, or write a note. So you stopped. You did your college assignments, emailed your professors, and didn’t speak, except to the professors, and sometimes the counselor. Speaking requires trust. Trust in an individual to have patience, to wait until you are ready. It was something you learned nobody had time for.

You didn’t like roommates for this reason. They always tried to pry you to talk too early, they knew you could, they’d seen you talk to professors, so why not them? They would get frustrated, and irritable. It wasn’t their fault, not really. You just…you just couldn’t speak. If they allowed it you would pass notes, but even then those little conversations were feeble. So, you always lived alone, it was less hassle anyway.

Unfortunately, when you had decided to look for college apartments so you could move out, only a few showed up. Out of those few only one was a studio, and taking one look at it, you understood why it was still available. Mildew crept up the walls and around the ceiling, the floors had enough water damage that they would crumble like a graham cracker under furniture, and that wasn’t even accounting for the smell. The apartment smelled like someone had let milk spoil and mixed it with the most chemical floral scent you had ever smelled. Probably the landlord is trying to cover up whatever atrocities the previous tenant committed.

So, of course you took a two bedroom apartment. The apartment was nice, you had to give it that. There was a small kitchen as you walked into the living room with plenty of cooking space and an oven. A big window with plenty of bright sunlight streaming through the cream colored curtains sat on the other side of the apartment. A hallway appeared on your right as you walked further away from the entryway, complete with three doors. Not too terrible, you supposed.

You noticed there were some decorations around, and you assumed the roommate was already there. As you walked in you noticed a beige rug to wipe your shoes on, and small posters hung on the walls, of bands, shows, etc. not too bad. The landlord was sweet and asked simple questions, which you appreciated. Not having to get out your notepad every five minutes was nice.

Days after you first looked at the apartment, you had all your stuff in a car ready to move into the apartment, leasing was signed and everything was in order, now you just had to unpack. It took about thirty minutes to get everything all situated in your room for unpacking, so you shuffled out to the kitchenette in a tired haze with your school bag, intent on getting some English done.

Suddenly a fluffy haired boy poked his head out of his room and you nearly screamed. “Hello, you’re the new roommate I assume?” you nodded in response to the overly bubbly person, turning away before he said anything else. “Ah I see.” He giggles awkwardly and moves out of his room to stare at you. “My name’s Karl by the way.”

He seems to be waiting for you to respond, to which you only give a nod and set down your bag.

“Uhm do you need help with any boxes or anything? I’d be happy to help.” he steps closer and you shake your head as you fuss over your bag. He moves a little closer towards the kitchenette to grab some water or something, and you haul your bag back to your room. Nowhere was sacred.

It was a while before he tried to initiate conversation with you again, seeming to get the memo quickly. It had been around a week and you picked up on some of his odd habits. The boy drank monster energy like he would die without it, he painted his nails (you thought they were pretty but he would never know), and he giggled at everything. But all good things must come to an end.

So, as you were finishing up editing a piece for your English course, he knocked on your door, jolting you out of your concentration zone. You give an affirmative hum and he cracks the door open.

“Hey…uhm I was gonna watch a marvel movie in the living room, if you wanna…I dunno…” his sentence tapered off into a puff of air as you looked back at your work. You hummed gently, staring at your paper. It was almost finished and it wasn’t due for three days, a movie couldn’t hurt.

You look back and nod at him and a grin grows on his face. Apparently he didn’t mind you being a little quiet. You still kept your guard up though.

“I have candy and popcorn if you want it, and some extra blankets.” He seemed incredibly happy just watching a movie, but hey, free popcorn wasn’t something you’d pass up.

Nodding, you follow him to the living room where disney plus is queued up and plop down on the sofa as far away from Karl as possible. You might’ve imagined it, but he seems to slump a little at that. As soon as you take notice it’s gone, replaced with a bubbly persona. Karl starts the movie and relaxes into the couch, and you can’t help but quietly snort at how he practically melts into it. At some point you reach for the candy bowl, noticing it’s filled with your favorite, and your brows furrow. Strange.

The movie was good, and Karl falls asleep during it, his lashes look unfairly pretty. They aren’t really pretty though, just…they’re aesthetically pleasing to look at alright?

After that you notice a few more things. Karl randomly leaves pieces of candy on your desk while you’re out of the apartment, and he doesn’t try to have conversation. He does offer meals together, and movie nights. You take him up on the movie nights, the dinners are too much face to face for you at one time. He also occasionally sings songs from bands you’ve played out loud while making food for yourself.

It’s odd. You thought you would be more weirded out by it but, honestly it reassures you more than anything. Sometimes the lump that rests on your throat eases up a little when you’re around him, sometimes enough to almost say something. You never do.

Karl understands though. He knows you don’t talk at this point. He also knows you don’t touch, ever. You made that very clear when he rested his hand on your shoulder as you cooked. The way you whipped around and held the sauce spoon to his neck told him all he needed to know about your preferences on physical touch.

He asks yes or no questions, and always makes a little noise when entering a room so as to not startle you, and you appreciate it.

The lump keeps getting less and less tight around him, and sometimes, during movies, from the opposite end of the couch, you whisper his name. It hurts, it feels like coals burning down your throat, and every time you speak, alarm bells go off. You fight it every time, because it feels so good to just utter something, anything. You never say it loud enough for him to hear.

One day, you make dinner and knock on his door. He opens it with a weary smile. “Hi, what's up?” you offer the plate to him. “Oh! What the honk? Thank you so much!” he moved to shut his door, thinking the usual exchange was over, but you stopped him, motioning to the coffee table by the sofa. “Oh, okay, yeah, sure!” he looked at you curiously, this was new.

You decided the dining table was too much, so the coffee table would have to do.

“Th-” you were interrupted by a couple of coughs ”thank you.” Karl’s fork clattered onto the plate, his eyes wide in shock. You huffed a laugh at his stunned expression

“You can talk?!” he exclaimed.

You nod. You start to write on a piece of paper from your room you brought out. ‘Selectively mute. I can’t always, only with people I really trust, most people write me off and don’t even try.’

Karl nods looking away from the paper. “I appreciate the thanks, but it’s just human decency. You have a pretty voice by the way..” his cheeks were pink and he seemed flustered. huh.

You hum in response.

After that Karl seems more comfortable around you, hovering in the kitchen as you cook, sitting in your room as you work, inching a little closer during movie nights, never close enough to touch, but close enough to be a presence. He continues to get you candy and stuff, but now you stock the fridge with monsters, as unhealthy as it may be for him.

Everything was great, until one night, about four months in, you had a night terror. They weren’t common, but they all involved the same thing. You woke up soaked in cold sweat, sheer panic coursing through you. Icy sheets of fear washed over you nonstop and you hadn’t realized you were screaming until you heard Karl run in.

“Are you hurt? Are you okay?” he paused, being familiar with anxiety and noticed the terror gripping your face and how your arms were bleeding with sratch marks. “hey, hey, come back to me, c’mon, you’re here. This is your room. What you’re seeing isn’t real, I promise, you are in your room.” he shushed your whimpers until you saw Karl properly.

That in itself sent you down a hole again, knowing he saw a panic, how would he still wanna be there with you?

“-ere, c’mon, breathe, sh-sh-sh, it’s alright, c’mon sunshine, breathe, you can do it, in, out, in, out” you finally came to, seeing Karl clutching a corner of your blanket, obviously restraining himself from touching you.

“G-go. pl-” another coughing fit interrupts you, “please.” Karl’s head hangs as he hears you, big blue eyes full of something you don’t recognize. He slowly pulls himself up and walks towards the door, turning back to look at you once as you curl in on yourself with shame, before shutting your door.

It was a full week before you looked him in the eyes again. You avoided movie nights, locked your door at night, and ate in your school cafe, no matter how expensive it was. It felt terrible to rip away the one person who brought you comfort, but it was your fault wasn’t it? You let him too close. He was too close.

Eventually Karl got sick of it and slept on the couch one night until you left for class in the morning. When the door inevitably woke him up, he cursed himself for sleeping through the alarm he set for your wake up time. He missed you. He missed the little laughs you let out over random moments in movies, or how you not-so-subtly hoarded your favorite candy during movie nights, or how concentrated you would get on your studies, he just missed you.

He got used to your pots clanging around at 6:30 pm when you made dinner, he got used to your little dances when you were taking a break from work, he got used to how messy your hair could get, he got used to your huffs of indignancs and your attitude.

Now they are gone. You were gone, and he felt horrible.

That evening Karl stood at the kitchen counter tapping his fingers against the fake granite. You were due home any second, and finally, finally, the doorknob jiggled.

You walked in and he swore you were gorgeous. Even with the eyebags and stooped posture and sullen expression.

“Hey.” he blocks the hallway and you huff at him.”can we talk?”

You look at the window, almost as if you wish you could jump out of it. Honestly considering the crushing rejection you might face, it seems more and more appealing.

“Look, I’m sorry about the other night. I know you have some hard boundaries about your space, and I try to respect them, I do. But I heard screaming and I literally felt my blood run cold. I…i didn’t know what that saying meant until now. I was so scared.” he peers at you, gauging your reaction.

You held your sides in a hug, waiting for the inevitable pitfall, the ‘what the actual hell man, that’s weird as hell.’ kicking out speech. The one where they say you being completely silent was fine but the screaming was too much. The one where they say it’s ‘too hard’ to be friends with a mute person. The one where they avoid your eyes, and laugh awkwardly, and shy away from you.

It never came.

He paused and said “I care for you, you know?” your head shoots up, and confusion laces your features as your arms loosen from their iron grip around your ribs and waist. “Did you expect me to be mad?” His face shows surprise and concern.

Looking at the window again you give a slight nod. “M…most people…”

He waits, looking at you with wonder. When you don’t speak he grabs you some water and looks at you again expectantly, waiting for words or a shake of your head. His face is a little pink and he seems concerned.

Well, the lump was fairly loose today, and you didn’t feel like you were dying that first time, so maybe you could… “people…avoid me…they think I…that”

you pause. This was hard. It burned like fire. You knew there wasn’t any real damage but you felt scared. “That I…don’t want to talk…I guess.”

you turn towards the couch, away from karl. “I…went through some stuff…I didn’t…I couldn't…talk after. It ruined me…the psychologist said…it was a…something response...trauma maybe?” you blinked away tears you hadn’t remembered coming.

“I want…I want to talk…and laugh…and be normal…I do. I suppose, people don’t…I don’t think they see me as a person.” you curled into yourself more, hunching over while facing the window.

“Wow. I-I mean that makes a ton of sense now, but I’m so sorry. That’s harsh, people shouldn’t write you off and do that to you.” he sighs and runs his hand through his hair. It was gorgeous, lit by the sunset coming through the curtains. “People suck.”

You shrug nonchalantly.

Karl droops and lifts his arms slightly before dropping them with an unreadable expression on his face. It's gone as quick as it comes. “Okay, are you gonna do movie night again then? Because I really missed that.”

You rolled your eyes and nodded, plopping onto the couch.

Things continued as normal after that, but Karl began to invade your space even more. You noticed his love language was physical affection from all his friends you saw, and you felt a little guilty. It wasn’t like you were withholding affection, it was just hard for you. You tried to make it up in other ways, making food, doing dishes, spending time with him, getting him monster and his favorite foods, leaving affirming notes around, and more. It still wasn’t enough though, at least you felt like it wasn’t.

Karl on the other hand was absolutely over the moon. He kept the little notes under his desk in a small cardboard box. He treasured every second you spent with him, every can of monster, every meal, every clean kitchen. He loved it. He also knew you were trying to make up for your inability to deal with physical contact. He hated that you felt that way but he felt like if it needed addressing, you would tell him.

This little dance lasted weeks, you being too afraid to take a leap, and him being too respectful to indulge when you leaned too close during movie nights. The dance felt electric, the almost touch of fingers reaching for the remote, the hips almost touching in the early morning coffee scramble, the hand hovering over the shoulder as you both studied for various exams. It was intoxicating and suffocating. You wanted contact.

You were desperate for human touch, a craving you hadn’t experienced in a really long time, you couldn't remember the last time you had touched someone willingly. You yearned for a soft hand brushing hair away from your face, a hand on your shoulder as you did something, maybe an arm around your waist as you poured coffee. Oh, you longed for it so much it hurt like someone was squeezing your heart every time he was around.

Karl didn’t see it, and you resented it. Yes he was respectful, and that was all well and lovely, but dammit you wanted a hug. You hadn’t wanted a hug in forever, but now that you wanted it, it was all you needed. You felt like you were simply insane for wanting something as docile as a hug so badly.

You started with baby steps, brushing his hand as you gave him his coffee, and you swear he gasped softly as he looked at you.

Karl didn’t notice until you brushed his hand, and what the honk? How were they so soft and warm? He looked at you with starstruck eyes, as his breath hitched. You had touched him. Willingly.

Purposefully. Normally there was an arrangement when passing things to each other. Avoid skin contact at all costs, and that was that, until now. You had just broken the barrier and he wanted to pull you in and hug you. Maybe sway with you to some stupid song after movie night, but he would take what he could get, and if that was hands brushing over a coffee mug, then so be it. He would savor it.

He started brushing against you, all the time. Any chance he had, his body was next to yours, his hand passing over yours. Coffee in the morning? He would gently hold your hand over the cup for a half second. Homework? He would have an arm against yours for a tiny second, leaning over to see what you were working on repeatedly. Cooking? He was grabbing spices and handing them to you, rubbing your knuckles softly as you took them.

You were going to die. This was the end. You had what you wanted, but it wasn’t enough. You wanted to cry. So you did. Late at night you curled up under your sheets and let the saline drops fall. It was a strange sensation, something you hadn’t done in a while. Your sobs were quiet but Karl heard you. Again. He was stupidly perceptive.

“Sunshine? Are you okay?” you sniffled under your covers, trembling and hiccuping. You felt quiet sobs wrack your body. Unlike last time, Karl didn’t restrain himself from sitting on the bed, clutching the sheets. “ Can I hold you?” His voice was soft with compassion and something you dared not name. Not yet.

You sniffed and nodded against the sheets still facing the wall. You felt him scoot closer behind you and brush your hair away, tracing your face softly. His arms moved to gently flip you over and pull you into him, holding you around the middle. One of his hands traced patterns on your back, as the other played with the hair at the base of your neck.

Oh.

that was amazing.

It felt like anything you ever needed, everything you ever wanted, and you felt safe. Safe, and warm, and held. All you could think of was how secure you felt.

You felt a fresh wave of tears start and Karl, ever the sweetheart, move away slightly in fear that he’d upset you. You quietly whined and pulled him closer so he couldn’t leave, and he giggled. That beautiful, warm, melodic giggle. Soon you both fell asleep, peacefully dreaming.

That became a new norm. Either of you would have a bad night and you would walk across the hall, and stumble into the other’s bed. It was nice to wake up with Karl. his fluffy brown hair surrounded his head like a halo in the mornings, and you adored it.

Karl enjoyed waiting for you to sleep, seeing your eyes slowly open and close, blinking owlishly, until finally he would shush you to sleep, saying “It’s alright sunshine, you can sleep. I’ll be here.”

There were also hugs, and such. You would feel Karl come up behind you and curl a sleepy arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him. Sometimes you would hug him as he did video editing for projects, a small drape around his middle, which he always giggled at profusely. Sometimes when you were both a little sleepy, you would hang off eachother, just embracing wherever you were.

Karl absolutely thrived off of the attention. He was so happy and giddy when you were around and you noticed. You began to say a couple sentences a day, to Karl’s growing surprise, and eventually you were able to say hi to classmates too.

It was so sweet, yet so, so bitter. You knew what the word you wanted to use that night was now. Without a doubt. And it hurt. You felt like your chest was caving in, and every time he held you, you wanted to sing, but you also wanted to sob. You loved him. You loved him truly, deeply, and wholly. This was what you were afraid of, the fall. You flew too close to the sun and it terrified you.

What you were unaware of however, was Karl’s mirrored struggle. He felt like you were his everything, his favorite person in the entire world, he’d rather lay in bed and hold you than do anything else. He loved all your little habits, and he loved how you looked. He loved your little huffs and expressions, and he absolutely adored your voice. He became enamored anytime you spoke, feeling absolutely entranced.

You both skittered around it. Soft spoken words were exchanged in the early morning and late evening, when inhibitions were down and you felt comfortable speaking. Soft touches were a common occurrence, excused by hairs being out of place, or food on cheeks. It was beautiful, in the same way a string instrument slowly builds a sweet melody. It was torturous though, the push and pull killed you both inside.

Soft touches eventually turned into forehead kisses when one night Karl absentmindedly leaned over as you cooked and kissed your temple. You both turned away and blushed severely at that, and Karl was quick to ask if it was okay. You hummed and nodded in response, brain still short circuiting from the kiss.

He would come up behind you now and hold your waist, kissing the top of your head fondly. You always blushed at it, and if Karl enjoyed seeing you a little red and embarrassed, well that was his business. Karl continued to kiss your forehead, until one day he stopped. He still hugged you, and held you on bad nights, but he didn’t kiss you. It confused you. There was no warning, no 'I'm uncomfortable', just, stopped.

You of course internally panicked, after a few days you thought for sure he was mad, you had done something wrong. He felt weird about you and was slowly taking his affection away, inch by inch. You knew logically he’d never do something like that, but your brain was being a little irrational at the moment.

You started to shy away from touches, and Karl was hurt. He had only stopped kissing you because you hadn’t done it back, so he’d assumed you didn’t want them. He tried to hold you, to hug you like you both normally did, but you avoided it. He could tell it wasn’t because you wanted to avoid him, you weren’t subtle. You piled blankets on at night to keep warm and account for the body heat you had lost by sending Karl away. You sat close on the couch during movie nights, fidgeting, and squirming like you had somewhere to be. You hovered in his room or in the kitchen anytime he was doing something, like you wanted to ask for a hug, but decided against It. was unbearable, Karl could see you were longing for affection, so he decided that breaking boundaries for the sake of both parties’ sanity was okay.

You were doing dishes in the kitchen when you felt his arms around you, and his face sank into your shoulder. You tried to slide them off, but he remained firm. “Why are you avoiding me?” it was barely a murmur, but you felt it through your shirt.

“M’ not” you reply simply

“Liar.” he breathes into your shoulder.

“We still hang out, right?” he huffs in response “I don’t know what you mean Karl.”

“Every time I go to hold you, you push me away!” he had lifted his head up and you heard the soft tone of betrayal in his voice.

“It was like that before, I don’t see an issue.” despite your cold tone you were absolutely loving the warmth on your skin, hoping he wouldn't leave for maybe a couple minutes.

He sighs. “Sunshine, please tell me what I did wrong?” you bristle at the nickname. That was for when he held you after panics. Not when you were washing dishes, what was going on?

“You didn’t do anything” that was a half truth, he had kissed you, but now he wouldn’t and you were scared all the other nice things would leave too. The candy on your desk, the movie nights, the little touches, the sweet words, the comfort and solace you found in him. You were scared it would be ripped away, so you had pulled away first.

“Obviously it’s something.” he pulled you tighter against him, pressing his face against the top of your head.

Frustration of having him so close yet needing to push him away overcame you, despite how much you enjoy his arms pressed against you and his head in your hair. “Fine. Okay, if you must know, I was sad that you stopped.. Uhm…the…” you felt him smile

“The what?” he huffed a laugh

“You know, the things” you look down embarrassed. This was humiliating.

“No, I don't know?” Karl did know, he was just being difficult. It was so cute, seeing you all red and flustered, however, he figured that was enough teasing. “Oh! You mean this?” his face moved to the side of your head where he kissed your temple softly, pulling away slowly. “Is that what you meant?” His tone was soft, and a sweet smile playing at the corners of his lips.

“I…uhm, yeah. Yep.” his head returned to your shoulder.

“Good. I’m glad it wasn’t anything serious, I was really worried you were mad at me or something.” he pressed his face into your shoulder. “You should finish the dishes”

“I kinda have a leech right now, so it’s a little hard, you know.” he huffs dramatically and slowly loosens his grip, so he can go sit on the counter.

The dishes take you about twenty minutes and Karl is immediately back to hugging you like a leech again. His arms are tight around your middle and his face is pressed into your hair.

“I really, really missed this.” he breathes into your hair. A hand moves to your chin to turn it softly towards him, and he presses another kiss to your forehead, lingering as you lean into him. He pulls away softly and looks at you with unmistakable adoration. “ You know you’re incredibly beautiful right?” you blue screen at that and he giggles at the deer in headlights expression.

“Well so are you!” you retort, turning back to the sink as his hand falls back to your waist. His arms tighten slightly as he slumps into your shoulder.

“Shut uuuuup” you giggle and reach to pet his hair, to which he responds by lolling his head closer to your hand.

“You’re literally like a puppy” you laugh out and he groans.

“Mm alright then.” you hear a mischievous lilt to his voice and before you can ask he’s kissed your clothed shoulder so softly you'd barely feel it if you weren't paying attention. It sends a jolt of electricity through your spine, leaving you a little breathless. “Is that alright?” His voice is soft like when he kissed your forehead, a little lower and raspier. You can’t help but melt more into him. you nod shocked and a little floaty from all the attention he’s giving you. He giggles at your soft behavior, and moves a bit closer to your neck and kisses bare skin “is that?” another nod. Your brain is mush, he's holding you and kissing you, and you're on cloud nine.

His hands turn you around to face him, and you see his cheeks are dusted vibrant pink. You want to say something, to comment on how nice and safe and warm he makes you feel, how his kisses don't make you scared, but all you manage to say is “pretty”

He giggles and stares at you. His eyes flit down while he nibbles on the corner of his lips. He looks back into your eyes, and he's gone. They're so pretty and you're just standing there, against the sink, looking amazing like you always do and he can't help himself. “Can I…just, can I maybe kiss you? You’re so pretty and I just really wanna kiss your lips, yeah?”

“Yeah.” you stare at his blue puppy dog eyes and you are gone. This man could steal your heart and you’d thank him. Scratch that he already did. And you did thank him, maybe not for that, but it counts.

He moves closer and he’s so warm and oh my gosh he’s right here, smiling softly at you, “Yeah?” you can feel his breath on your lips and the proximity is so addictive you could melt.

“Please just kiss me already.” you sigh and close your eyes. His lips press to yours and you feel warmth. No butterflies or flutters, just warm, sweet and safe. he tastes like monster energy and chocolate, and it's the best thing ever. He pulls your waist closer if even possible and he keeps kissing you softly, and you can't breathe but it's alright. It’s wonderful, so wonderful. It's the feeling of sunshine in the morning when you sleep in, it's the feeling of comfort food, and late night movies, it is everything you want, and everything you need.

When you both pull away he kisses your cheek, and then your temple. “So can I call you mine now? Because if I can’t, I'm actually going to die.” you laugh and nod, and Karl pulls you close, rubbing his fingers up and down your back.

In the end it seems like renting a two bedroom apartment wasn’t so terrible after all.

#Slowburn #this is longer than my research paper what the hell #karl jacobs x you #karl jacobs x reader #bruh how the hell did i write this #like i swear i zoned out and zoned back in and there was 11 pages of writing in google docs #okay #but yeah have this #idk man #its alright for a really long thing #angst #hurt/comfort #selectively mute reader #trauma responses #idk

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circulars-reasoning · 10 months

Text

"Teacher Therapy" -- JFC

Anyone ready for a break from my usual content? Good, stay with me.

A friend linked me this absolutely fucking god awful video, and I really need a good break to write about what I'm actually passionate about (Teaching). I cannot resist writing a live-blog reaction commentary to this. Below is Teacher Discourse, and the video is all about why this person quit teaching due to... a lack of corporal punishment in schools???? Boy howdy, let's get into this.

Timestamps are listed out, and those are when I paused to address what was just said.

TW for: Advocating for Child Abuse, mentions of trauma, and an entire ramble about, y'know. The American School System.

Timestamp 0:15 - Those of you who aren't teachers might be wondering what these behavioral plans are. She explains them later in the video, but I thought it might help you to see them described here.

Maybe you had them as a kid, maybe you didn't, but they're all the rage nowadays. She specifically mentions PBIS (which actually is not what the system is called anymore - this specific behavioral system is called MTSS now, or "Multi Tiered Student/Structural Supports." I'll be calling it PBIS, or "Positive Behavioral Interventions & Supports," for the purposes of this post, as what this teacher is specifically bitching about pertains to the structure of punishment.). I happen to work at a school which uses PBIS, so here's the breakdown of how it works:

Students receive positive or negative reinforcement for good behaviors. Positive Reinforcements (such as school currency, more recess time provided, or mid-month games for good behavior) and Negative Reinforcements (such as removal of assignments, removal of class-time, early dismissals) are given for individuals, whole classes, or entire schools in the case of good behaviors. Then, for bad behaviors, students receive positive and negative punishments. Negative punishments (removal of privileges, removal of peer attention, etc) are typically used less than positive punishments. Positive punishments in PBIS look like "Steps." Here's my school's step system:

At the start of the year, and throughout the school year, the values presented by the PBIS system are shown to students, with clear expectations. Students are told that they will receive steps when they have broken or ignored these PBIS standards. A student misbehaves in Semester 1 by speaking during a test during English, which goes against the Respectful standard. After many informal warnings about this behavior, the behavior continues, and the student receives a Step. This is Step One. Step One is a formal warning, and an email home. Then, they misbehave the next day in Math by breaking pencils - also against the Respectful standard (this one gets broken the most, I won't lie). They receive Step Two, which is a classroom reflection form and an email home. Step Three is a lunch detention. Step Four is a meeting with an administrator and a counselor. And Step Five is a referral. The student cannot get rid of steps, but they reset at the start of Semester 2. Students also cannot get two steps in one day unless the teacher who wants to give a second step contacts the counselor first. I've never seen a student earn two in one day.

To put it in perspective - the majority of my students, by this end of Semester 2 (when teachers and kids are more burnt out and volatile) currently have at most two steps. There are some who have, like, 12, but they are very rare and often have problems that a school management system cannot solve (disorders, trauma, etc) and are handled on a more case by case basis. Also, students who do bigger actions - for instance, punching another student or threatening another student - receive referrals and bigger consequences, bypassing the step system due to the severity of the broken rule.

The TL;DR: PBIS is a system of positive and negative supports that encourage students to follow well detailed rules. If students break the rules, they receive increasingly more severe consequences. Students are given more chances to learn from mistakes this way, and it genuinely works in the placement I am at currently. Let's see how this woman fucks it up.

0:22 - "I hate to say the quality of kids, but- haha" Oh so you're a mask off kid-hater. Awesome! Yeah, there's a reason you hate to say it, and it's because you're arguing that kids have value based on their behaviors. That a kid can have a level of quality, like they're a fucking watermelon that's a little overripe at the store. The elementary schoolers are not produce you can scrunch your nose at, Martha, that's a living person!!!

0:28 - "The moral development of the kids in our classrooms are at a totally different place." No? Coming from someone who went into teaching straight out of schooling, absolutely not. I see the same exact behaviors at the schools I teach at that I always saw, with some minor variations in sourcing of behaviors. For instance, when I was school, kids would vandalize because their friends dared them to. Now, the kids vandalize because TikTok told them to. Wow, big difference, still a problem (and I could rant about how social media is harmful, but that's neither here nor now).

0:56 - "If you were to go to other countries-" I"m going to cut you off right there. Your gripe is with the American school system. I don't give a fuck what it's like in other countries at the moment, because taking into consideration their behavioral supports also means dissecting the health care in that country, the poverty levels in that country, the socio-economic status of the individuals attending school, the rigor of the teaching degrees in those countries, the age of the goddamn students being spoken about-- this is such a useless point to mention, and we aren't even a minute into the video!!! If you have a complaint about the American school system, mention it, obviously, but not in your video which, thus far, seems to be about why kids are morally bankrupt.

1:26 - "Those out of control schools are the very ones that gravitate toward these kind of New Age discipline philosophies." Oh my god. Woman. 1, no, that's blatantly false; schools of all kinds are making the switch to these systems because it's shown a marked improvement on behavioral issues when done well. 2, NEW AGE DISCIPLINE PHILOSOPHIES?? PBIS was introduced in 1997. That's the year I was BORN woman! 3, it's not a discipline philosophy. PBIS isn't about discipline. IT'S IN THE NAME!!! PBIS is meant to be a behavioral intervention and support. Intervention and Support means to correct someones course in life to prevent negative outcomes. Discipline means, and direct quote from the Google Definition here because it's perfect in this regard: "the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience." So your issue with PBIS is that it doesn't condition students to obey you. At least tell it like it is.

1:59 - 'Here's my definition of PBIS for those who don't know-- anyways I made a poll for people to tell me if they want to bring back corporal punishment.' WHAT? Define the word!!! Define what it is!!! And god, what does the survey have to do with anything? How did your students learn anything when you jump tracks this quick?

2:15 - "People actually voted more highly in favor of bringing back corporal punishment, but it wasn't as big of a gap as I thought." That's disgusting, and I wish it were a bigger gap, in that I wish that there was .00001% of responders who said they wanted the punishment brought back. A teacher should never fucking advocate for the physical discomfort or distress of a child. Fucking hell. How did about 55% of people agree with hurting children? Disgusting.

2:31 - WHY DID YOU NEED TO MENTION THAT PADDLING IS STILL LEGAL IN SOME STATES??? Please someone fucking write to those senators of those 19 states (I should look up to make sure my state isn't one, jfc. EDIT: WHAT IN THE GODDAMN HOW MANY ABUSE VICTIMS ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? Oh my god I feel sick. It's not my state thank fuck but please consider writing to your senators to get this shit banned.)

2:51 - "They call that punitive and they say that's bad bad bad- hmhmm!" That's because it is. Do not half-chuckle at me, I do not agree with your thoughts that physical discomfort is somehow a good teaching tool.

2:54 - "Office referrals are completely off the table." Straight up lies. Unless you mean the extraneous referrals teachers who were salty were writing up for... throwing a pencil across the room out of anger? Y'know, she probably means that. She probably means that she isn't able to give a referral to that kid she hates.

3:21 - "The worst behaved kids are the ones getting all the rewards." That's because it's not rewards for behavior. It's conditioning. It's literally giving them rewards for the GOOD behaviors they have, to show them that these good behaviors have good repercussions, and the more things they do good, the better things are for them. The students who are already well behaved don't need a cheer squad celebrating that they sat in their chair that day instead of standing on it. This woman seems to think that showing kids that struggle with their behavior that good behavior has good repercussions is somehow rewarding the bad behaviors. (There's a lot I could say about this idea, and a lot of stuff I would love to discuss honestly, but I'm only 3 minutes into this dumpster fire.)

3:32 - The PBIS system actually has entire pages detailing why giving too many material based rewards (like the bag of candy she mentions) is actually a very bad idea. Instead, we should be giving them material rewards for behaviors at the start, but also positive affirmations and helping them see the consequences of their actions. "Hey, here's a [school currency], and look! Because you focused today, you turned in that assignment, which turns your grade into a B. I'm so proud of your progress today, keep it up!" The kid is going to correlate good behavior to good repercussions. You slowly stop giving out material rewards unless the kid still needs that support. But lord knows she never got to that point with her kids if she was only using PBIS as a punishment system, rather than behavioral management.

3:44 - If your best skill for "motivating students" was negative punishment (removal of privileges), then you should have been fired a LONG time ago. One of the biggest skills teachers need to have is learning how to motivate their students to learn simply because learning is amazing. My kids work hard, because I purposely choose books and curriculum alternatives that interest them. I give them surveys about how I can teach them better, and then I actively show them I am listening to them by actually doing the things they request. I discuss their requests! The form is 100% anonymous too. Treat the kids like people!! (Also? The kids still get detention, loss of recess, and especially in-school suspensions! It's just that we don't give them out for just any behavior we feel like -- we don't rule over the kids nearly as much as teachers like you would like).

4:00 - All of the attention is going to the kids who are acting out... as a means... to get attention they are lacking... and you're upset about this??? Does the attention really need to be going 100% all kids all the time full tilt, or are we able to focus on the kids who need more equitable attention? JFC, you're literally upset that kids who need more attention are now getting the attention they need.

4:17 - "The worst behaved kids got snacks!" Your kid was acting out because they were hungry. Full stop. A lot of the students you have actually experience a lot of food insecurity. That's exactly the kind of thing PBIS is helping to address; we show them through the step system that the way they're handling this situation isn't okay, and they need to change the behavior. Let's do a story here. I had a student who I gave a step to because he was playing games in class, which is against the school rules, and he'd already received his informal warnings. This led me to contact home. This led the parent to screen him for ADHD, because he had been reminded so many times to stop. This led to that student getting accommodations for extended time. We helped the student get benefits he needed. The snacks are no different; the student being sent to the office talks to a counselor, opens up about being hangry, and gets food because that's what they need to be successful. Punishing kids for being developmentally children, for being fucking human, is never going to work.

4:24 - Awww, someone's salty that the students told the principal how shitty she was. Newsflash, kids are oftentimes going to hate you because they're kids and you are in a position of authority over you. And that is 100% valid. I think that's fair of the student, because they're still learning to attribute their frustration of the system to the system. The student may hate you, and that's fine. Your job is not to make a child like you. In all honesty, I think students hating teachers is incredibly normal, because many of them have yet to realize that you are a human being and not just a cog in the authoritarian machine they're living under.

4:29 - This is the only point of hers that I agree with so far - A LOT of these systems are not being used the way they're supposed to be. Many teachers are using them as discipline, rather than interventions. They use them as a punishment - "be quiet or you will get a step." I've also found myself slipping down this path from time to time, and it absolutely is not helpful, to you or the kids. PBIS is an intervention system; it needs to be used to show students that the current behavior isn't working, and they need to tackle their problems by using the PBIS standards. I genuinely feel that PBIS needs a lot more clarity for the students, and that teachers need more training in it than they get. But let's see what her complaints are.

4:33 - BRIBE THE KID MODE??? Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh read a study on developing intrinsic vs extrinsic motivations in children you-- uuugh

4:47 - Classrooms would be silent, and "well-behaved," and absolutely no learning would get done. You would get your wish for perfectly behaved children because you'd be abusing them. This is traumatic. (This is also an overgeneralization - you would have longer stretches of quiet as you conditioned the students into being Perfect Angels, but you would inevitably run into the kids who have a Fight response to your punishment, and that is when you will be ill equipped to teaching that kid how to not try to kill you). You are talking about abusing children in the hopes of making them obey. Your job is to fucking teach them. Re-read the job description.

5:10 - HOW DOES SCRUBBING TOILETS HELP CORRECT BEHAVIOR OF BEING A JERK TO YOU IN CLASS? Genuinely, HOW? Even if you are going the punishment route, even IF you try to utilize that incredibly flawed premise... the punishment would need to correlate to the behavior you're trying to fix. This is why these people are awful teachers. They don't teach; they try to control, manipulate, and traumatize children into giving them the power rush they want.

5:19 - "And help beautify your school!" If the child is mouthing off at you, then you need to address that behavior. If the child connects mouthing off with "you are now being punished for that action by being a janitor" -- it's entirely likely they will then see those jobs as punishments, labeling those who have to do it as someone who did something "wrong." You're setting up incredibly bad associations, and now you've traumatized that child into believing that cleaning something indicates something is wrong. Source: I can't clean the bathroom without dissociating because cleaning = punishment, so if I'm cleaning, it's because I fucked up. Trauma fucks you up!

5:22 - My eyes have rolled so far that I got to see the inside of my brain melting from your rancid bullshit.

5:27 - The people cheering are child abusers.

5:33 - "We know at a deep internal level that it would work." It would traumatize them into obeying you. I'm so disgusted that you thought teaching was the best job for you. I'm so glad you quit. I hope everyone like you quits.

5:38 - Loosey Goosey??? It is well researched my guy. Like. It has been researched. (That last link is, sadly, the best I could find for that particular article.) You're just salty because it helps kids mental health instead of their "discipline."

5:43 - Bitch I was a long term sub for two straight years at both the middle and high school levels. I have been sliced open with nails, kids have attempted to asphyxiate me, and clocks/trash cans/phones have all been thrown at me. I get what you're talking about, and each and every instance of this was kids who had a disconnect between their behaviors and the reasons for those behaviors. Each time. 100%, I do not blame those children for their behaviors at all, because nobody had taught them how to connect their feelings to healthy actions. Their frustration about me asking them to sit led to them genuinely trying to kill me. That is how much people like you (and the exact opposite of you, but that might be for a different post) have hurt these children.

6:04 - Oh god if you're saying this is controversial NOW, I'm terrified for the upcoming escalation. Was the child abuse not controversial?!!

6:15 - T. Tiny little monster people. Ma'am. Ma'am that is an entire ass human person. That's just a living breathing individual. Imagine being the ex-student of this cunt. Imagine seeing her call you, someone who was in elementary school at the time, a monster. My heart goes out to everyone who had to suffer with this abuser in their lives.

6:19 - THE WORST OF HUMANITY THAT IS INSIDE ALL OF US? Honey, it's not inside you, you're wearing it like it's Gucci!

6:32 - The worst of humanity is not getting embodied in these students. I am so stunned that someone could even possibly suggest this. What in the goddamn. And you go on to describe behaviors like... oh no... they spit! Yes, the worst of humanity -- dictators, abusers, bigots, etc. -- clearly committed the worst sin of all: spitting. Shove a cactus up your ass and spin, and I swear, it would hurt less than me having to listen to you speak.

6:49 - I do not trust any single person who describes a student as manipulative. That is an Entire Ass Child.

7:15 - "They have them completely fooled." I am almost too disgusted for words... Reminder, this woman taught ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Little ones, who are just learning school for the first time. And she is calling them, little monsters, "untrained," THE WORST OF HUMANITY???? How can anyone possibly agree with this woman? How do you get so jaded in a career that YOU CHOSE? If you ever, EVER, find yourself agreeing with what this woman says, then do not interact with a child ever again. I am so repulsed by her monologue here about how children are the scum of the earth when "untrained."

7:40 - Now you argue that right and wrong are being defined incorrectly? I do not trust this argument, ever. It SCREAMS puritan values. Tell me, what have we really 'redefined' about right and wrong?

8:11 - You've given no context for why the woman, a grown ass adult woman, was screaming at another. What was the context of the behavior?? Why did the woman need to have security called? Oh, that's right, your concern is to have people obedient, not actually fixing what's wrong in their life. Nice to see that extends to literal college aged students. Jesus christ how does anyone manage to hold a conversation with you without crying?

8:29 - Oooh so you're upset about riots huh? You're not a fan of people defending their rights. Unsurprising.

8:44 - Take a drink, she's used the word brainwashed! Hint: Children are not being brainwashed any more than this woman was brainwashed by HER OWN upbringing!

9:08 - Is. Is she suggesting that "Karen" culture is people... supporting Karens? Because genuinely, I have had to repeatedly remind my friends that politely requesting their food not be literally deadly for them to eat is not being a "Karen." Like, "Karen" culture is so blatantly negative and a Bad Thing that people are attributing completely normal behaviors to being a Kar- ooooh that's what this woman is doing. Oh. Oooooh. Yeah you're an asshole.

9:23 - Shocker of all shockers, when a student has a mental breakdown, an administrator, counselor, or parent, might want to know... y'know... what triggers them. That's why they're asking what you did. They're trying to get to the bottom of what caused the meltdown, and 9/10 times, it's caused by a figure in authority doing something that made them uncomfortable. Grow up and admit you make mistakes.

9:32 - THAT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE JUSTIFIED! The feelings they had are OKAY TO FEEL! Their feelings ARE VALID. The BEHAVIOR is not. WHICH IS WHY WE ARE TRYING TO PREVENT THE BEHAVIOR. (And the feelings, because genuinely, discomfort does not aid learning and actively negatively impacts it! So we want to prevent discomfort!!)

9:40 - Just realized this section is called "entitlement." =_= Gag me.

9:53 - Once again: not random. These random systems are not random -- they're well researched. For those curious, the "horrible" ideas she mentions here, like not saying no to kids, are also research based, and yes, they do work. It contributes to a growth mindset, where students don't feel like they're forever trapped in who they are in the moment.

10:10 - ... Should. Should the responsibility NOT be on the teachers? Like. You are in charge of (if you're like me) 140 students in a single day, each day, every day. YEAH I HOPE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM. It is YOUR responsibility to take care of them. Again, please, reread your job description.

10:35 - She brushes up on actually good topics here - administrators struggling under state standards, the fact that testing drowns out the relationship building and negatively impacts learning, etc - but she's using these points to somehow argue that... it's the kid's fault? I'm so tired of this woman. The system is broken, and that is a problem, but that will never and has never been the fault of children. And yes, that IS why teachers are quitting in droves -- because the system is fucking broken and awful and I swear it is legitimately bringing me to an early grave. Still not the fault of the kids tho.

11:11 - The kids can't do this, actually. Have you tried? Cause I have. I'm an English teacher, and yes, I start off the school year each year with students writing out the rules and expectations before I teach them. I tell the kids to write down "what do you think the expectations of classrooms are?" And genuinely, only the "well behaved" kids SOMETIMES get it. (Actually, a lot of the underprivileged quiet kids hit the nail on the head with my rules, but that's a story for another time and not a 7 page essay already). THEY DO NOT KNOW THESE EXPECTATIONS UNTIL YOU EXPLICITLY TEACH THEM, and even then, you need to remind them, because they need to ACCESS those expectations! GOD I am tired of this woman.

11:37: WHAT'S THIS? The. There's a lack of correlation? Between behaviors and the natural consequences of their actions? It's almost like, when done properly, PBIS helps to build those correlations! But no, go ahead, rant about how you want kids cleaning toilet bowls because they said something disrespectful to you in class.

12:18 - Do I even need to say it?? Remarkably, shame is not a motivator. It has been shown that shaming kids actively hurts their learning, mental health, and achievement in all areas. But she doesn't care, because all she cares about is having an easy time. Teaching isn't easy. Boot up, bitch.

12:53 - Here's an example of a model that I think needs reworking. "I'm not mad, and you're not in trouble" isn't a bad first step... but "I am angry, I won't lie, and I need a second to calm down my anger. I'm going to breathe, and then we'll discuss why this happened, and how we can prevent it in the future" has always worked a lot better for me. I do agree with her that this isn't the best, but she needs to understand that when the rules are bad, you break them as a teacher. Straight up. That's what I do. They wanna fire me for being not a child abuser, thank god, I wouldn't wanna work there anyways. (And guess what? Since the kids like how I speak to them and how I communicate my emotions, they behave better in class, which leads to extended learning time, which leads to improved scores, which leads to me already being marked distinguished repeatedly on observations because, surprise surprise, I'm a good teacher cause I break the rules. Go figure!)

13:19 - YOU NEED TO TEACH THEM HOW TO REASON. You can't have an intellectual conversation at the level of adults with a student at that age! You need to break down their feelings and thoughts! Jesus CHRIST DID YOU TAKE DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCH? This isn't an "unpopular opinion," it's straight up misinformation.

13:46 - Aww, am I a mama bear now? But no, thinking about the worst situation I've seen in a classroom, I think back to the worst school I've subbed at. The reason it was the worst situation? The teacher was strict as hell with her kids, and I was a substitute. They took one look at me and said "I GET A FREE PASS TODAY!!" (Note: that's the first time I ever had to fill out a physical injury statement at work, because that's the day a child physically attacked me for asking her to put away her phone!). And still I do not blame her, because I feel it was those in authority that failed that day.

14:03 - Now she's bringing up Catholic school. No, sweetie, I wasn't imagining that. I was imagining my abusive family. Cause that's what you sound like. You sound like the parents who wanted to be in control of every aspect of my life in order to "protect me" and "help me understand real life so I could have a good future." Gag me. Shut up, already.

14:17 - I really do think what we have now is still broken; but anyone within their right mind can acknowledge that we have a better system now than we used to.

14:33 - "That's how it feels being a teacher in a classroom of hostile little people." No. It's not. It might have felt that way to you, but that's because you made them hostile. You were the subject of their hatred. For me, when my students get hostile (and yes, it does happen), it's because they're frustrated by what they have to do. And 9 times out of 10, that frustration is fucking JUSTIFIED! And that's when I step in, and tell them, "I think it's bullshit too. I think you're right to be frustrated. But because the system sucks, we have to do this for the time being, and if you do this, I can do these things for you to help alleviate that frustration." A lot of the times, it's promises for a better future (which I have already made progress on, such as changing how the 6th grade curriculum was this year and moving a novel they hated to the 7th grade year instead, where they will be able to process it better with more experienced teachers who had a curriculum prepared already for said novel.) If a student is hostile with you, that's not a bad thing, and the fact that you felt fear shows you earned that hostility via your actions.

14:47 - Again, you're a bad teacher if you don't know how to handle a situation where a student gets hostile.

14:58 - Teachers see their students more than their parents do, full stop. Students are with you, for instance in my school, from 7:50 until 3:30, and that's barring you having a club after school. That's 7 hours and 40 minutes. Barring any after school activities, assuming a child wakes up at 6 to make it to school on time, to achieve 8 hours of sleep, that child is with their parents from 3:30 until 10. That's 6 and a half hours. No matter what, you are with those students more than those parents are. Yes. It IS our job to raise these kids. Furthermore, you're assuming the parents DO have the capability and tools to raise these kids. Many parents work after school, many parents have multiple kids they're raising, and surprise! Some parents are fucking abusive! REREAD THE FUCKING JOB DESCRIPTION!

15:15 - I'm not a parent myself (and never plan to be) but seriously, is there some sort of parent handbook she knows about that I don't? Is there really something out there that spells out "all the things your parents should've taught you"? If there is, can someone send it to me, cause mine certainly failed in a few aspects.

15:29 - A student thinks misbehaving is fun. Why? If they think it's fun, then there's clearly a disconnect there between what they should be doing and what they are doing, and it's up to you to help them reason. If that goes against your rules, then either they need to understand why the rule is in place, or the rule needs changed.

15:48 - 'Waaaa the 5 year old gets more chances than I, a grown ass woman, get!!! That's so unfair!!!!' GROW UUUUUP

16:19 - False. Yes, this is a thing - exceeding, meeting, approaching is the latest rubric scale being sent out. But grades are still a fucking thing. I think what she's likely getting salty about here is actually floor grades -- wherein students, in many more locations around America right now, cannot get below a certain grade. For instance, at my school, if a student just straight up never does the assignment, they get a 50% (Rather than a 0). This is research based and has improved both the student's AND my mental health so fucking much that I refuse to listen to any argument that this is bad.

16:40 - I would LOVE sources on this. A school that does away with grades entirely? SIGN ME UP! Oh wait, did you mean "I no longer can use grades as a punishment for my students, because America is making a big push to be standards based, and therefore all of my grades have to follow the set curriculum standard?" Bite me.

17:04 - Yep! Straight up, yeah. Even when I was in school, they were trying to do away with "holding kids back" a grade. They offered remedial courses instead. Ever heard of summer school, woman? The only time students were held back a grade in my school was when they were in 12th grade and did not have enough credits to graduate (at which point, they just... sorta dropped out.) That's why I was teaching 9th grade English to 10th grade students. Because they didn't get held back 'a grade' -- they got held back a class. And that's not a bad thing, why would it ever be a bad thing, you stinky wet noodle?

17:11 - Skill issue. Next!

17:28 - Ooo I hope you read mine next, you fucknugget! While you were busy studying posts from child abusers, I was busy looking at the research and being the best teacher I could be for these kids.

17:42 - 8 years? God, you were a teacher for 8 years. I feel sorry for the poor children you abused in that time.

17:50 - Why were you always in fear as a teacher? I've never been in fear for my job. I have never felt in fear for what I've done as a teacher. I've had administration come to me to speak with me directly over actions I've taken, and not once have I felt in fear. I have been accused of "crazy" things, and I laughed and explained what actually happened, and the students in those situations went "Oooooh I misinterpreted." And it was explained, and I changed my behavior and they changed theirs (in some cases). Wow! All of it worked out and I am still marked as Distinguished.

17:59 - DISCIPLINE ACTUALLY EQUALS LOVE??? Woman please see a therapist, please for the love of god, I think you have some really fucked up ideals that you need to talk through with a professional.

18:33 - Why does she assume that her students would live like this in their futures? Most of my students (I teach 6th grade currently) already have big goals for their futures. Yes, the majority want to be YouTubers, but just speaking with them, they understand the work that goes into that -- they talk to me about editing, they talk about making their own VTuber rigs on Blender -- they're super advanced! The kids who want to be game designers use their free time in class to program games on GimKit. Kids, when their love of learning is fostered rather than beaten out of them, will be productive because they love to be, not because they're forced to be.

18:47 - They are CHILDREEEEEEEEEEEEN

19:14 - POJKIHGUYFVBHKM??? "People are basically motivated by two things in life: love, and fear." Therapist. Please. I am not even trying to use that as an insult, I am being legitimate. Is that all you are motivated by? When I do the dishes, I'm not doing them because I love them or because I'm scared of them -- I do them because they need to be done! It's neutral! Motivation is neutral what are you smoking oh my god.

19:35 - If this was the fullest extent of what people were saying, then yes, she would be right -- If all you are trying to do is get kids to love you and your subject, then you will always, always fail. But the thing is, that's NOT the key to PBIS, and that's not what I do with my kids. The very first thing I do with my kids, when they come to class, is set up rules and expectations. And I tell them: If you hate English, good. If you love English, good. Regardless of if you hate it or love it, it holds these specific values in your life. I ask them what they want to do or be, and explain how they'll need to use the skills taught in my class for those specific things. I explain how they don't need to be GOOD at it -- they just need to try. And then I reflect that in my teaching and my grading. If they try, they pass, and they typically pass well (well being A-B range). If they earn a C, it's typically because, frankly, they're bad at English. And I make them understand, I FORCE them to understand, and I DO yell at their parents, that Cs are the Average Grade. They mean you are Perfectly On Point for 6th grade, and you are right where you need to be. And remarkably? The kids love me for it. If you treat the kid like a kid who is a living breathing human, you have almost no problems. I wonder where this woman went wrong.

20:22 - Students should not fear learning. Students should not fear making mistakes. She is making the assumption that every single misbehavior is a personal choice on the part of the student, when usually, that's not the case. Please, please, read up on frontal lobe development, I think it would really benefit your understanding of a small child's decision making abilities.

20:40 - False, but at this point, everything you're saying is just to paint yourself as a Goddess Martyr of Every Hurt Child Abuser Teacher Out There UwU. Thank god this video is nearly done.

20:46 - Causal Pink-Collaring of teaching, love that (sarcasm).

20:56 - I love my job. Again, sounds like a skill issue!

21:21 - Honey all you did in this video was advocate for abuse...

21:43 - For once, I agree with you! The vast majority of teachers are not absolutely bat shit. All teachers are actually just people, and some have issues that makes it so they shouldn't be teachers. You fall into the latter category of 'People who should not be teachers because they hate children.'

22:00 - The only difference you're making here is burning away my braincells.

Oof. The rest is the Click Subscribe ramble.

TL;DR: FUCK THIS WOMAN AND HER ENTIRE PRACTICE!!! I am SO RELIEVED she quit teaching!!!

#Teacher #Teacher Rant #Teaching #'Teacher Therapy'#Anyone who refers to a child like this deserves to be fired

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187days · 3 months

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Day One Hundred Five

Okay, well, I wrote on Friday that a teacher had resigned, and now I know why. I'm probably not supposed to know, but it's hardly the first time that's happened. Obviously, I'm not going to write all about it here, but it's bad. It'd be less bad if we could find a replacement quickly, but, of course, there's a nationwide teacher shortage, so that's unlikely. Rescheduling students is a nightmare that makes me very thankful I'm not a school counselor right how.

I also wrote a politely annoyed email to The Principal about something totally unrelated, but he probably won't have time to address it for a bit, which is... also annoying? There's nothing for it, though. Again, it's the joys of being short-staffed.

I sometimes wonder if it's clear to people in my life (or readers here) how hard it actually is. I mean, I don't want to dwell on it all the time in conversations I have in real life or in these blog entries because that's just depressing and unproductive, and my day to day teaching life is pretty good, for the most part.

Like, today was totally fine. I mean, it was a little bit rocky in APGOV because half my students were absent due to Covid, sports, or something else. But I still did test review as planned: the students who were there could ask me anything they wanted to. Once they had no more questions, I let them study on their own, or do whatever else they felt like doing (a couple girls started planning a "Galentines" party since their boyfriends won't be out of Covid quarantine in time for Valentine's Day). In Global Studies, my ninth graders shared what they'd learned about child soldiers from the research they'd done on Friday, and then we discussed the DDR process and how it works (because I want them to understand major world issues, but also the efforts to solve them). That discussion was particularly deep in the two afternoon sections; they really got into the level of global commitment it takes to make a difference.

So yeah, good stuff happened in my classroom today. It's the stuff that happens outside of it that is tough to deal with sometimes.

#teaching #edublr #teachblr #education #high school #social studies #teacher #the principal #day one hundred five

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beardedmrbean · 1 year

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A grieving New Jersey mom, whose 11-year-old daughter is said to have taken her own life in a school bathroom, is demanding to see security footage to prove the pre-teen was alone at the time.

Elaina LoAlbo is still waiting to see critical evidence related to her 11-year-old daughter, Felicia LoAlbo-Melendez’s unexpected February death, which investigators have ruled a suicide.

“Over the last eight weeks they have refused to show me any video tape footage, and several emails in reference to the school about the bullying,” LoAlbo said.

“I have asked to see the scarf [found in the bathroom], the security tapes and I’ve been locked out of her school [online] account since before she had even passed.”

LoAlbo said she fears someone else could have been in some way involved in her daughter’s death.

Felicia LoAlbo-Melendez, 11, took her own life in February, according to police.Facebook/Layna Marie

“And until I see footage proving otherwise, that will remain in the forefront of my mind,” she added.

“Show me the tapes and prove it to me … If I saw the tapes, 100% it would help me get some kind of closure.”

LoAlbo admitted the pre-teen’s death came after rounds of vicious bullying from her peers, which had prompted her to write a number of emails requesting help from the school and its counselor, whom Felicia was visting regularly with.

LoAlbo said her daughter, who only turned 11 in December, had been bullied “for many years,” and she has had to personally call another students’ parent to ask them to help the bullying stop.

“They were telling her to ‘unalive’ herself, they called her all kinds of derogatory names, put gum in her hair, stole from her,” she recalled.

Felicia LoAlbo-Melendez and her mother Elaina.Facebook/Layna Marie

Felicia punched one student who told her to “unalive” herself, LoAlbo said.

“But even then, there was never any repercussion from the school, no follow up. Nobody called me, nobody talked to me about that incident,” she went on.

LoAlbo said Felicia was set to be switched to a new class after winter recess to get her away from the bullies, but it never happened.

LoAlbo charged the school had “tried to cover up” her daughter’s bullying in the past, and then tried “to cover everything else up when it comes to the details of her passing.”

According to her mother, Felicia was the victim of constant bullying.Facebook/Layna Marie

She added her husband, Felicia’s father, died in late January just weeks after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Felicia had been undergoing therapy before and after her father’s death, LoAlbo said.

But LoAlbo said “there were no signs” her daughter was experiencing suicidal thoughts.

“There was no Google searches or anything referencing self-harm,” she said. “You’re not going to learn to tie a noose without some kind of Google search.”

She said her daughter had never harmed herself in the past.

“A kid doesn’t just doesn’t hang themselves in the bathroom without ever contemplating suicide. That’s just not how these things happen,” she told The Post.

Felicia and her mother Elaina before she lost her daughter and husband within two months.Facebook/Layna Marie

A student at F.W. Holbein School in Mount Holly, New Jersey, discovered Felicia’s unresponsive body around 1 p.m. February 6, the prosecutor’s office previously said.

The office described how she had been discovered “after hanging herself in a closed” bathroom stall. She was ultimately rushed to a Philadelphia hospital, but could not be saved.

Felicia died two days later. That Friday, investigators told her mother “they thought it was suicide and she had a scarf around her neck on the floor,” LoAlbo recounted to The Post.

The Philadelphia Medical Examiner’s Office determined Felicia had committed suicide and died of “complications from hanging.”

Elaina says she will get closure if she can see footage proving her daughter was alone when she tragically died

Last week, the prosecutor’s office cited surveillance footage in reporting Felicia “was alone in the restroom when this tragic action occurred.”

Several school and school district officials did not respond to The Post’s requests for comment throughout the day Monday.

But a spokesperson for the Burlington County Prosecutor’s Office told The Post the video would soon be released LoAlbo.

“It was previously communicated that we would accommodate her request to view the school surveillance recording at the appropriate time, but not while the criminal investigation was ongoing,” the spokesperson wrote in a statement.

“The investigation has concluded, and arrangements will be made in the near future for Ms. LoAlbo to be shown the footage.”

If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or are experiencing a mental health crisis and live in New York City, you can call 1-888-NYC-WELL for free and confidential crisis counseling. If you live outside the five boroughs, you can dial the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention hotline at 988 or go to SuicidePreventionLifeline.org.

#nunyas news #cw: suicide

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pbandjesse · 5 months

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We made an offer on a house!! I am very excited. Also nervous. I'm trying to be chill about it. Because if it doesn't work out that just means it wasn't meant to be. But what if it was!! We just finished filling out the paperwork. Crazy. We could be settling by mid January. Crazy crazy crazy.

Today was a pretty good day! I slept alright. And felt pretty good when I woke up. I gave myself an extra 15 and took my time getting ready. James came and watched me put my jewelery on and they were being very sweet. They would leave a little before me and had a very cold ride to work.

It was very frosty out. When I left I was glad I wore my fleece hood. And that I had an extra fleece sweatshirt at work.

When I got in I would have my breakfast and check my email. I pulled up the two listings for the houses we were looking at tonight to try to sort out the layouts. And that's when I realized you had to walk through the bathrooms to get to the bedrooms. So bizarre. I was looking forward to seeing both places though.

I went up to the attic to start working on laying out my quilt and started to sew it together. Which always takes forever. And this one is much stranger in shapes so it's much hard to figure out how to lay everything out. But it was fun having something to do.

Around 9 I heard someone come in and it was Heather. But I didn't stop working until I heard someone else come in I didn't recognize. This turned out to be John, the consultant that is going to work with camp for the next year.

He is a really nice guy. And I'm excited to see what happens with his direction.

Alexi would come in soon and she told me that I should come meet them at the lodge at 945. Excellent. Can do. So I had some time to continue to sew and watch the video I was watching.

I texted Sarah to let her know we were to go over there at 945. Because she may have not been awake yet and she loves a half hour away. And she let me know she would meet me there.

Heather texted me pretty quickly to ask me to bring tissues over to the lodge. Can do. I bundled up and walked over there. Then back to see for a half hour.

When my alarm went off I bundled up again and walked across the crunchy, frosty grass to the meeting.

And I really enjoyed it. He talked a lot about "I get to" rather then "I have to" statements. Which I really appreciated. And we got to talk about the things we think camp does well and the things we think camp needs to improve. We were able to be really frank about it and it was a really good conversation.

Alexi had to go take a call but when she came back we got to get into goals and schedule and how we want to approach things moving forward. The limits of our time and focus. It feels nice to have some direction for how bored I've been this week and a half. This felt productive and good and like we are just improving camp all the time.

There was lots of writing on white boards and a PowerPoint presentation. And a plan for him to come back next month. I really hope we can implement his ideas because I love the plan and I want to see it happen.

We broke down the meeting area and started putting things away. I carried the white boards back to the office. I left pretty quickly mainly because I was hungry and wanted to eat lunch. I had a mug of water during the meeting and I had found a bag of marshmallows to snack on but I wanted real food.

When I got back to the office it smelled really strongly of WD-40. Because Joe had installed the new toilet seat!!! We finally have a lid! Incredible! So much better. I made sure to tell Joe how much I appreciated it because I had tried to do it myself but the nuts were incredibly rusty and I could not move them.

Lunch was great. Perfect leftovers. And when I was done eating I worked on some of the ideas and"homework" John had given us. I was to try to make a schedule for our counselor in training program. And so I worked on that and started playing with chatgbt to brainstorm some acronyms for the program.

It used to be called the CIT program. Counselors in training. Lit was floated. Leaders in training. TNT. Teens training teens. chatgbT suggested some interesting ones but nothing seemed right. Then Heather leaned out of her office and suggested "camp leaders in training". CLIT. Heather telling a dirty joke is the best Christmas gift.

I went upstairs to sew in the attic for a little longer. But at 330 it was time to go. I let Alexi know I was heading to Manor Mill and I would see her tomorrow. Goodbyes all around.

I drove the 6 minutes to Manor Mill and was the only one in the ceramics studio for a bit. I waxed my 5 final pieces and when I was finishing that up a mom and her son came in to glaze as well.

I had sat at the broken wheel by the wedging table so I could be out of the way if someone wanted to throw during the open studio. But even though the entire room was open, and there are 6 other seats. This mom decided to move a chair to the wedging table literally back to back with me and have her son glaze there??? That is not what that table is for?? It was just really rude and I had to keep maneuvering around them and it was just really really obnoxious.

But thankfully it didn't take long. I don't like dip glazing but man is it fast.

I left and thought I might beat James home. But they got home one minute before me because I had been stuck in traffic. Not an ideal drive home but it's fine.

When I got back here James was just jumping on to do the first half of their podcast. And so I unpacked some stuff and wrapped a few gifts and chilled on the couch until it was time to go see two more houses.

We left right on time. James was a little frazzled because they had left their notebook at work but they would get it in our way home so it was all good. And we got to the houses right on time.

I am glad we saw these houses but neither were for us. The first one on glover was really cute and had some interesting details. But it was a bizarre layout and was very small. Plus the steps were very very tall and there really wasnt a space for my studio. I liked it but it just wasn't right. We would out grow it to fast.

Next we walked to rose street. James thought they were going to like this one. But it just wasn't right either. You had to go through the bathrooms to get to the bedrooms. The layout felt wasted. The basement was finished which was great. But I just didn't love it. This wasn't right either.

So we had a meeting of the minds. The house we liked on Sunday had been pulled off the market but they were willing to hear our offer still. Nothing in guaranteed. But Harold thinks it is the best bang for our buck, a really nice street, puts us in walking distance to a lot of fun stuff, it's a good size that we can forward and change with, and has things we can update and change and play with. He seemed really excited for my renovation ideas and even has some contractors to recommend. Harold is great. Just a really good man. He told us his moral stuff with selling and never wanting someone to end up in something that will hurt them. Physically or financially. And in celebration he gave James crab cakes. He would send us the documents to sign within a few hours. We were really excited.

Since we were over there I asked James to take me to Mathews pizza. And we had our favorite pizza, the Thai pie, and discussed the house and changes and layouts and wishes and timelines. I feel really good and happy. And like even if this one doesn't work out, I still feel like we are finding good things in that neighborhood which is where I wanted to end up at the end of the day. I'm just feeling really positive.

We went to the musuem for James's notebook. And then right back home. We got back here at 8 and I would take a shower and get cozy. Sweetp and me are cuddling while James is finishing their podcast. I am looking forward to sleep.

I hope tomorrow is a good day. I hope you all sleep well and stay warm. Wish us luck with the house. Goodnight!

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