#i had to spend all my savings on stuff like food and bills instead of buy a plot of land like why cant you just do that on ur own????
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every 3 months i find out my mum has been chastising me to do smth because she wants to live through me
#she used to get so angry at me for never taking the money i got in my savings and going to buy a plot of land.#then today she was like 'well i want to be a landlord' now it all makes sense#she wants to be a landlord but shes been trying to pressure me into doing it for some reason. she would get so upset#i had to spend all my savings on stuff like food and bills instead of buy a plot of land like why cant you just do that on ur own????#why are you making me do it? anyways im glad i figured it out. once again
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Strange Introduction
Pairing: Mafia!Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!Reader
Summary: You and several of your co-workers decide to celebrate your whole five years of working for the company at a club. It started from harmless drinking to something else... Yet you're saved by a mysterious and handsome man, leaving you confused.
Warning: Swearing, drinking alcohol, reader is intoxicated and drunk by the end of the night. violence, unwanted touching and kissing, talk of guns and threats
A/N: This was my 3rd draft for this first chapter, which means why did it take so long for me to decide. So sorry for the wait but I wanted to make this perfect, so please tell me it's good!
Taglist: @captainsbaby, @feedthefandoms995, @kyuupidwrites, @fatedeniedhope, @bangirl134, @blueoorchid, @iimfae, @a1nazzz, @motherofreposts, @emi-flaces, @liliumbosniacum, @whore-for-anime, @zeyzeys-stuff, @greenhornphotography, @ofmenanduhhhwellmen, @simonsslvt, @bunky101, @gisselleherrerposts, @natchayaphorn, @xdarkcreaturex, @theunknownartistsworld, @somelikeitmaat
▻ Chapter 1 from the It’s Always Been You series ◅
"ChEeRs ToO... Y/N!" David drunkenly said, slurring over his words as he raises his glass which he had just gotten in the air. A series of woos and chants of your name just barely rang through your ears over the piercing music. But you were so focused on reaching your new high score for drinking that you didn't realise how drunk you actually were.
You could feel every beat of the music echoing through your head and out of your ears. The sounds of people laughing and talking only was a third of this club's noise. And yet you were spending every penny of your money that your boss gave you before letting you leave for Manhattan. The surprising and shocking raise seemed so useless now.
Who cared about buying food for the next weeks or any gas bills. sure you were going to stay in an apartment from your company but they only gave you two-three weeks to get back on your feet. And unknowningly you were about to spend everything.
But a cold hand shook you from your thinking state. Looking over Ava, your friend was trying to whisper in your ear. Despite her giggling and shaky hand. "I- 'm so happy for you Y/N!" A giggle slipped from out of you, and to everyone else, you two probably looked like two high school girls gossiping. "Thank yooooou!" Her eyes lightly ranked over your skimpy dress, the sparkly material was beautiful against your skin.
The thin straps which were before supporting you fully at the start of the night. One was slowly slipping off your shoulder, and your cleavage was covered up with a puffy jacket as well but was now discarded to the side. But looking back up her eyes met yours, a smile also greeting yours back.
♡ ♡ ♡
(Simon's 3rd POV)
Sitting down Simon leaned far back into the leather booth, the cuffs on his suit rolled up slightly. Exposing his arm hair and very expensive watch, which he looked at briefly. A sigh came from him as he turned his attention to the men in front of him. "Mr, Riley." He hummed his eyes digging into his as he waited to hear this guys propose for the 10th time tonight.
"If you take us not only will you get double... even triple the shipments. But in return, we'll need your full support in all trouble." Simon studies the files in front again, not fully in his mind to accept this guy and instead all he wants to do is leave. Let alone just wanting to be left alone.
"And what would that include?" Simon roughly includes, his eyes flickering over to the bodyguard standing behind him. A feeling of piercing eyes fucking stalking his every move is starting to piss him off. As if he's going to take a gun out and shoot the fuck out of his guy. "Any interference goes to you-" Soap cuts him off, having enough just as much as Simon is.
"How can we trus' ya?" Soap's voice is sharp and fierce, just like his fist punching the table he truly knows how to make someone piss their pants. "Uhm well... I'll have you know we've never gone behind anyone's back. Especially not you, sir." He turns his head towards Soap, a single tear of sweat neatly rolls down his forehead. A smirk just barely seen by Soap through the dark corner of this booth.
Simon can feel Soap turn his head towards him, his eyes meet him before a single nod from Simon ends everything. The guy across sighs loudly, like a gust of air, just left his body or maybe that was his fear. But now he was slightly smiling, neatly sliding the paper over to Simon to sign. The pen from his suit pulled out and clicked yet the sound of writing never came. Only something else caught his attention...?
♡ ♡ ♡
Finishing up in the bathroom you flushed, pushing open the cubicle door only to be startled. "Shit-! You scared me!" Laughing, a hand on your head you jumped when you rounded the corner. Your co-worker stood there, waiting for you. A slightly evil yet funny twisted grin on his face like he was joking but he was planning to do something. Yet all those red flags went right passed you as you stumbled over to the sink. Washing your hands quickly, not noticing how close he had gotten to you until you turned around.
Nearly bumping heads you two stared at each other for a moment, your mind completely ignoring the fact he was in the girls' bathroom. His eyes obviously not meeting yours as he blatantly stared at your breasts. Yet you still had no idea, only the face he was so close his breath could be felt against yours.
"We should go bAcK to the others" Slurring your words you stumbled around him, leaving the room but not before his hand reached out to grab yours. He dragged you along to a more quiet place but you hadn't realised until you both were so far away from the crowd. "Jack wha' are you doing?" He smirked again, having no idea what he was doing but somehow having made up his mind ages ago. You figured he was waiting to talk about something privately but now you realised.
Sure he's always been that co-worker perv in every workplace but you never knew he'd actually go as far as this. He's had his eyes on you from day one and the only reason he came was to probably do this to you. Going so far as to follow you to the bathroom and even more disgusting that he most defiantly planned this out beforehand.
Your train of thought broke when he started to caress your body, carelessly kissing and attacking your neck. Squeezing your hips harder when you tried to push him away, your pleads fell deaf to his ears. "Stop, Y/N." He said firmly, his tone of voice giving you the sign that if you didn't he'd do something. Shaking your head you tried to break away again, the palms of your hands gripped his hair as you shoved him back. Hard.
"Why do you have to be such a-" "A what?" Jack turned around, his hand fell from his hair from where you pulled. And you weakly looked up, your eyes studying the men who had seemingly came from thin air. Jack instantly let his guard not, a slight chuckle broke the tension. "Come on man, we- she was only playing" His hands threw to you, the man's eyes quickly turned to you. Taking in your slightly ruined makeup and intoxicated posture. But your eyes said so much more for someone he only met.
"Get the hell out of here." His rough and dark voice sent shivers down your neck, making every hair stand up. Which was enough for Jack to nod instantly, turning around to grab your arm. Before he was stopped and shoved forcefully, but without turning around he left. Getting the signal if he turned around he may not leave tonight with his face intact.
So he left you, not looking back before he blended in with the crowd. Leaving you alone with the man. "Are you okay?" He asked looking down, yet not meeting your eyes as you nodded, sucking up the flood of tears threatening to escape. "Yeah, yeah. I'm good" But he said nothing, feeling his eyes take in every detail of you. To your face and pupils to your shaking legs and ragged breath. Yet having never meeting you before he gladly handed over his hankerchief.
You looked up scared shitless he was going to pull out a gun, the one you could clearly see sticking out from his suit shirt. His large hand reached into his front pocket, pulling the white handkerchief out before handing it to you. His veiny and massive fingers nearly swallowed your hand whole. And shakily taking it from him you thanked him sweetly and quietly, wiping the tears and stains from your eyes. Just about to hand it back before you noticed...
He was gone.
#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley imagine#ghost simon riley#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon riley x you#simon riley x reader#simon riley x y/n#simon riley x s/p#simon ghost riley x you#simon ghost riley imagine#simon ghost riley x s/o#ghost mw2#ghost cod#ghost x reader#mw2 ghost x reader#mw2 x reader#mw2 fanfic#mafia au
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QUEER, DISABLED & NEURODIVERGENT HOMELESS FAMILY SEEKING FUNDS FOR HOUSING & SURVIVAL
Tldr: homeless 8 months family need money for day to day survival & to help seek housing & work.
Ko-fi.com/kittydoesstuff
Longer version is that I have made this sort of post probably like 10 times now, each time explaining that we evacuated our home due to gun violence from another unit, each time when money is a stresser because of things like storage bills to protect all our worldly belongings or data bills that keep my family in contact with the world, allow me to write this or because we don't know what's for dinner or what as a whole we are eating.
Each time I write this I hope, I think that will hopefully be near the end, and then each time I have to make another one of these I feel like I lied, deceived & I hate it so much.
When you're homeless people treat you 1 of 4 ways
Pitied, like you're weak & stupid, something they need to "save" from yourself no matter how much of your freedom & body atomutoity they have to violate to feel better about the emotions THEY feel when they see you.
Like a criminal, like you did something wrong, like you choose to be homeless & have crisis after crisis that lead to unexpected spending. This, this here is why for roughly 6 months I have felt like a lier, I had believed in something that didn't work out & with so many viewing my family like this, despite how much we have tried to do the right things & how the only laws we've broken are the ones that say you cannot exist in a public space, especially if you're homeless.
They leave you, they decide it's too hard to watch, that they can't handle it so will just leave & leave the emotional weight. The crushing weight of calling out for help & no longer hearing them call back on you.
And the last are a little rarer, fair bit rarer: those who just treat you like people, like how they always have, like someone deserving dignity & respect.
Whenever I have made one of these posts I have been scared that someone along the top 3 would show up, so far it hasn't happened but I have had it make me hesitate to ask for help when the chips aren't down, when we have food & no bills, just simply more long term things.
Now I don't simply want to be negative, I want to show briefly how money has helped us so here's what stuff has looked like so far
Truck where we all had to sleep sitting up -> truck where me & brother could lay down -> found reliable sleeping spots -> spent a few nights here & there in motels for showers -> brought the camper -> found a campsite to stay for a little while -> found a semi parament campsite (ehich closes at the start of fall)
None of that would have been possible if people hadn't donated to us, we won't of had money & probably would of had toc resort to extreme & time comunsemming means to survive.
Which brings us to now, we have a place that is safe to stay, that we feel safe being left while our is gone with our mother as she looks for work & goes things like apartment viewing.
We need money for the following
Bills
Food, drinks & basic survival things.
& once those are covered money I am rising will be directed to things like housing & dental bills to help my brother.
If you need more info on the exacts of what is going on I urge you to look though my Kitty Says Stuff tag which prior donation posts are all tagged.
WHERE TO DONATE
Ko-fi.com/kittydoesstuff
& dm if you need a paypal to send it to instead.
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As I write this, my stomach is killing me because I had to stay up late and drink a RedBull and eat some donuts. What was I thinking? Anyway, onto my thoughts this morning.
Frugality is a hard necessity to master. Or maybe I'm just stressing because it's the 1st of the month, and I'm paying off some debts while watching our paycheck shrink just hours after it hit the bank. The first thing we did was pay back my sister and our neighbor: $300 and $420, respectively. They are great lifelines for loans when we need them, and I don't want to jeopardize anything like that. Someone who will lend you a few hundred bucks until payday without interest is just indispensable in these times.
The second thing I did was pay off the phone bill entirely. I had been making half payments on it for a while, but it didn't stop them from cutting it off last week. So this paycheck, I doubled up and paid everything off, past due $108, and current due $118, so I don't owe anything more until May. Having a phone is very important, even if I never leave my house. Also saw a notice that they are raising their base prices on my bill. Fun.
The third bill to be taken care of this morning is the electric bill. I'm still so miffed that last month, TXU charged me $25 because they charged my empty debit card instead of using the checking account I know I had set up in their app. I blame them, but I probably missed a step or a button somewhere.
After paying the electric bill, I took care of the Xfinity bill for $144 since it was due on the 3rd anyway.
I sat down and started going over our monthly pet supply order from Chewy. The dog needs new supplements, and we have to buy different cat food this time since it seems like the little girl cat throws up with the current brand. We're switching from Iams to PurinaOne this month to see how it does, and it's also on sale for a good price.
Funny thing, while I was doing my Chewy order, it said, "Orders over $100 get a free $30 gift card," so I used the promo code, and it increased my total amount. They charged me more tax and also took away my other discounts for brand loyalty with our American Journey dog food. My order was $280 before the promo and $285 after it. I opted to keep the promo, though, because I'm still ahead $25 with how it all shakes out, and the gift card will definitely be used in May.
That just leaves rent for $897, four credit card payments of about $50 each, and various small subscriptions like Hulu ($9), PS Plus ($17), YouTube ($25), and my FFXIV subscription ($15). I'm also aiming to put $100 in savings. So that leaves about $557 for the month for food, household items, or anything else that may come up. I definitely don't want to spend that entire remainder if I don't have to.
Side note: Absolutely forgot we have to return the old comcast equipment, still. Some of that stuff has been in our closet a year.
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also in recent times, my brother was on the outs with an old friend of his, the same roommate we’ve stayed with for most of our time since my mom passed, and he broke off his friendship with my brother as well as with all his friends for... some reason, I have no idea why. Apparently he just ghosted everyone, sent my brother a message saying he was cutting off all contact with him, and left. Nothing bad has happened to him, my brother looked into it and apparently he’s okay (if perhaps so staggeringly dense he should have his own orbit by now), but my brother is FUCKING PISSED at him.
Frankly speaking, we both have been angry at him for a while. When my brother’s cat passed, he initially promised to pay all the bills but reneged and instead we had to pay it all with money we could NOT afford to spend then but had little choice in the matter. During our time together he kept making a habit out of asking us to pay his part of the bills for him so he could save up for dental, even though he KNEW we didn’t have the money for it, and it turns out he had a truly massive amount of money saved up. All those times I had to beg people for finanical help just to make rent or other bills, he could have done that the whole time by just paying what he actually owed in his part of the rent instead of paying at best HALF of what he owed, or when we went hungry because we had no money to buy food and he just ignored it...
There’s also the fact of the guy being so staggeringly oblivious to what i TOLD him in my advice about apartment life: he kept talking about getting his own place and paying for it on his own no matter how many times I urged him to just stay with us or find roommates, because he could NOT afford to keep a one bedroom apartment on his own in our state. “No it’ll be fine,” he said. “I want to have an ADVENTURE.” i would tell him, no, adventures are for people who aren’t as poor as us, but he certainly didn’t listen.
On top of that, during the time we were with my sister, he kept bugging us for money (that again, we didn’t have) to pay off the storage on the place where all our stuff was. When i kept calling him to get the key code to the place so my dad could get the stuff out, he never replied or answered back. At the time I assumed he was holding all our things hostage for the money so i was seriously considering having my dad consider legal action because I was THAT fucking pissed with him, his refusal to take anything seriously and I thought “well no matter if this fucks his life over, at least then he’ll learn to take it seriously for once”.
It’s also pretty likely he is at least indirectly responsible for my brother’s cat’s ill health. That cat was originally his, though I hesitate to say so, as he didn’t KEEP the cat indoors but forced him to live outside in a fairly busy apartment complex, only letting him in briefly a few times a day for food and otherwise having him live as a stray while referring to himself as a pet owner. When my brother got him, the poor guy was horribly skinny (though we got him healthy pretty fast). But my brother’s ex-friend was also very negligent and while we went out of our way to make sure ANY dangerous materials were kept sealed away, he would just leave things like bleach and dark chocolate out in the open, and its likely my brother’s cat got sick from some of this stuff, and that’s how he got ill and led to his passing.
I’ve resented and disliked him for a long time, ever since he got me to give him all the money I had in exchange for food, and even thoguh he had a ton of money all the time then, enough to order out for food EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, he refused to buy any groceries and just said “WELL NOW WE GET CREATIVE WITH WHAT WE HAVE : D” and i was so pissed that he just FUCKING LIED TO ME that ever since, I had held a grudge
So, here we are now. At the very least, he returned a huge amount of books I completely forgot I had, though for him to have HAD them at all meant he had taken stuff from our storage without permission, implying he might have other stuff. Among other things he definitely has my brothers weights, and hasn’t responded to my brother demanding he gives them back. So at this point my brother is swearing off all contact with him and ensuring everyone who knows us is pissed at him and making damn sure all his bridges are burned.
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bear with me here. lately, well, for the past 6 months we’ve been trying to buy a house. rent in my area is terrible and moving out of my area isn’t an option, so in theory it’s literally cheaper to buy a house. plus my bf and i have good (for our area) jobs. however we wanted to only put down 15%, so we need this thing called mortgage insurance. which also goes through a credit check, like the mortgage would. we’re on the mortgage together. somehow i was approved for the mortgage but denied for the insurance, because them checking my credit lowered my score to one fucking point below what’s needed. i don’t have a bad score, or a terrible debt to income ratio, my score is literally only “fair” because i bought a car 3 years ago and that vs my student loans that i’ve had for ages lowered my credit age, and therefore my score. bc. i don’t fucking know. capitalism™️. so we have to put down 20% of a down payment which we didn’t budget for because we were fine if it weren’t for, y’know fucking credit bureaus. it’s an extra 10k we don’t have because we didn’t expect to need.
so anyway i’m taking it hard. real hard. because along with my house savings i obviously also have a doll savings (it’s much lower though) for, you know, my expensive hobby that i finally started to being able to like actually buy for around 4 years ago. and i feel guilty because it’s like, if it wasn’t for my score and if i wasn’t indulging on things that make me happy, i’d be able to save more for “””adult things””” like buying a house. i almost in a panic started calculating and figuring out how i could sell my collection and all my doll stuff because i’m sure if i sold literally everything i have related to the hobby i would be able to cover the extra 10k. i was like packing shit up and taking pics in a fugue state before my bf stopped me and was like it’s not your fault?? but anxiety and growing up poor af until this job i got after college says otherwise. as a kid and even in college i did not buy anything that wasn’t necessary or if i did it was a long time saving for like a 60$ video game, so having this much fucking money (comparatively) is so wild to me and i was so excited to finally collect and sew and create for these beautiful dolls i’ve always admire. my collection is mostly the “”cheaper dolls”” with some expensiver dolls (resinsoul is great though i legitimately love them for more than $ reasons),
i buy a lot of second hand because i love restoring things, i don’t even buy the big fancy full sets (i shell ocs mainly), and tend to use layaways to assuage my anxiety about paying sums of money over 3 digits. somewhere inside me my brain says “you brought this on yourself, you knew this was a waste of money”. it’s not i know logically, especially if all my other needs and debts are taken care of, but like. h
tl;dr so anyway this is a fucking weird ass confession. i feel sick for even indulging in this hobby and spending money on things i like instead of only paying my bills and food and taking care of my cats bc i could have used that money to add to my house savings to offset my apparently shitty credit score. i’m contemplating a second job and selling every doll thing i have because i don’t feel like i’m pulling my weight even though i am according to my bf. we’re not going to be homeless, we’ll just sign another year where we are, but it’s crushing to know that i clawed my way to stable income and doing something that makes me happy and i still can’t even be good enough for a house that’s only about 130k . that’s so so fucking cheap in this state it’s insane. i hate everything and feel so fucking guilty.
~Anonymous
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Was curious how many of the Sims 4 bugs on this list I've encountered… it's a lot
Part One because I guess this is too many bugs even for tumblr hahaha
Jumpy Animations/Sims teleport - since a long time ago but worse now
Routing/Sit down issue on several interactions - love to watch my sims wander around like ants looking for somewhere to sit with a chair right in front of them. especially love when I tell me sim to go play a game at the card table in the same room, and instead they go outside, walk around the entire house, come back in and then sit at the table. guess they just felt like a walk first lol
Music from other modes Plays During Live Mode - yup and usually overlapping. fix with restart but it often happens in CAS where you lose all your stuff if you quit…
Lag for menu to show up when clicking on objects - especially the fridge/oven!!!!
Sims keep moving after paused
Sims do DU homework under laptops - not just DU tho I get this for anything that can be done at a table, including eating, and sometimes it's not even a portable laptop but a computer
Sim won't accept queued commands/ Sims don't do actions - this was supposedly "console" but as a non-console player I know it happens to the rest of us too. also to most of us
Lots with manipulated terrain look realistic/strange in world view - idk if this is a bug, i think probably that's just how it appears. but it is weird
Fishing Identification for active Sim with no fishing skill - I think this one has been around since base game. Sims 4 really wants everyone to love fishing. I'll be like. mourning the death of Sim Grandpa. And all of a sudden 6-year-old Sim Grandson will "identify the Perch!"
Multiple daily calls for sim to switch careers - CONSTANTLY. EVEN WITH PHONE ON SILENT MODE!
Excessive use of Cross Stitch Basket - yep. I get it the worst with cross stitch, but I find it annoying that other hobbies which cost money like knitting and painting are autonomous as well. Either there should be a "practice" object which is the default and is free or this stuff shouldn't be autonomous. Food too tbh… I have tried playing rags to riches before, and one reason I gave up was just this - it was so hard to keep control of finances because sims have no concept of saving pennies lol
Railings Clipping Through Walls - hate this so ugly
Multi-story columns misaligned
Foundation becomes see-through
Sim Gets Fear of the Dark After Being Cured - all the fears and wants sucked. they're boring, curing then is boring, they have little impact except just ruining your sims day, and YEAH, they come back after being cured!! best to turn it off just like neighborhood stories
Constantly dirty surroundings moodlet from Pressure Cooker and Kettle - I'm not 100% sure I've got this one, I will check the next time I play. However I've had multiple issues with these objects: sims constantly cooking with them when their queue is empty, and constant fires originating with them. Lately my sims was complaining her kitchen was dirty but I could not find anything dirty. She's a Neat sim, but even after having her clean everything, and then going into build mode and moving stuff to look for plates that might have gotten stuck under objects and are hard to see, the room still registered as dirty. I'm thinking it was the pressure cooker or kettle, or maybe even pizza oven which she also has
Upgraded beds give two contradictory moodlets - yup spend hours upgrading your bed and the sims like "what a bad sleep!"
Sims on home lot don't take care of needs when active sims away - yeah two sims in my house recently almost starved bc of this
NPCs take food ordered by active Sim - yup! again ruining my rages to riches haha
No evolve option (ready to evolve) - yes and yes I've checked that the plants are in season. Also having major issues with other gardening things especially on community lots
Very High Household Bills While On Vacation
Campfire causes too many fires - really frustrating for me bc I use the campfire a lot. I absolutely love camping gameplay but between constant fires and thunderstorms where you're 100% guaranteed to get electrocuted (9_9) it really sucks
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{{ Fun ask meme you made: Everything with a 4 in it! (4, 14, 24, 34, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45.)
oh that’s a very fun way to do it! I already did 40 but I’ll give you the rest. Thank you for giving me so many!
4: if you had to loose one of your senses or physical abilities, which one and why?
im a chatter box but I’d loose the ability to speak. It’s kind of selfish but speaking is one of the only abilities that’s primarily for everyone else’s experience of the world. I mean you can’t talk and share ideas as easy and some of the puns and stuff you do get limited but you still get sunsets and art museums and books and musicals and cat purrs and all that. I still get things, I just can’t give anymore.
14: preferred form of travel
i know tumblr doesn’t like them but car for SURE. Used to have ten hours in it every weekend visiting my dad and like. You can sing. You can have arguments with yourself and imagined people. Go noom. Pretty sights. And I’ve had the best conversations I’ve ever had in the car, because what else are you going to do? If there are two people in a confined space and one of them can’t look at anything you can only talk and I love that it’s a wonderful feeling. And falling asleep in the back of a car while people you care about talk in the front? Being able to leave home at any time? Getting sonic at 11pm? Ough it’s so good. I get home and spend an hour in a non moving car love being in a car I am no better than a dog.
24: what is a food or experience you miss from being a child? This does not mean things like paying bills, and is more about the time period you are from.
1 burning cds
2 a lack of cool people on tv. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Napoleon Dynamite but yeah things like that. Like there is no one cool in invader zim.
3 toxic waste (candy.) I haven’t seen one in ages
4 PEANUT BUTTER TWIX.
34: name a way someone has helped you before
car got stuck on this pile gravel. It had been snowing, next to a busy highway, thirty minutes by car away from any town, and it jammed up all the way up like into the entire bottom, not just the tires. Spent like an hour by hand trying to dig the stuff out with bare hands. Some guy with a truck hooked me up and pulled my car off. I’ll never forget it
41: what’s a hobby you want to get into? Disregard whatever skills money or tools you would need, listen to your heart
I want to learn how to make music and video essays. Both of those cost money and your own private area (instrument, mic, and a place you don’t disturb people with sound). Also animation I’m a very bad artist and don’t get technology so it’s a pretty hard no but I’d love to do it someday
42: what’s an experience you’ve wanted to do or have for awhile but not been able to justify to yourself?
I want to see hadestown on broadway. Or anything on broadway really but hadestown is the dream personally
43: a part of yourself you are fond of?
I like that soft spot between your lower ribs and thumb nails
44: favorite supernatural being
I’ve always been fond of ghost, because they’re the only one just about that gets to be sad or helpful instead of just scary. The idea that you felt something so strong it outlasted your body…. Yeah that’s what emotions feel like. That’s why you can be haunted by things that aren’t there, like war or an old friendship. It’s just emotions out of place that followed you.
Sad ghosts, lost ghost stuck in a loop, ghosts that save people from similar situations as their own, ghosts that come back to love their loved ones, ghosts who taunt the person who killed them and haunt them in the literal and metaphorical sense. Idk man. Just ghosts. They’re so important to me.
45: favorite fantasy being
Fae but only the fucked up kind who like find people fascinating but mostly as entertainment and make them dance till their feet fall off or see how long it takes them to loose a deal. Idk they’re just fun.
thank you so much this was mega fun to talk about
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I am just trying to think about and plan my weekend. I wanted to pay rent/utilities as soon as SSI hit, but I have to wait until the 1st because the post card statement that tells me how much to pay is lagging.
This is annoying because I have more peace of mind spending any amount of money after bills are out of the way. The sooner I pay, the sooner I can call my new case worker and let them know that is accomplished. (My original one retired.) I was supposed to reach out anyway. It's been a long time. Oh well.
I might call my grandpa in a little bit and ask if I can do laundry at his house. I have to see if they're still doing work on the parking lot where I live, though. I don't want to haul my laundry all the way to the entrance. Furthermore, if the cones are still blocking where he'd park, it would be harder to bring my laundry back upstairs, plus anything else.
I wanted him to take me to the dollar store and Sprouts for some light shopping too. Those places aren't far from his house.
I still feel guilty asking him for anything even though he's doing well for someone in his situation. (He doesn't seem to be suffering over his toe he had amputated, at least.)
I don't know what else to do, though. I don't think any friends feel like dropping everything to help me with these tasks.
There is a lilac bush out front in between his yard and his neighbors' yard. While I'm there, I want to harvest a few heads of flowers and use them in lemonade. I hope the dollar store has a pitcher and new ice cube trays. The ice cube trays I bought when I first moved in here have already fallen apart.
Aside from the items I need for lemonade, I was hoping to find socks, a new tooth brush, sponges, composition notebooks, and some more disinfectant spray at the dollar store. There's probably more I'm forgetting.
I am not sure what all I should get from Sprouts besides the lemons. Maybe some more lion's mane mushrooms and tulsi tea. I have a big list of ingredients for meals I'd like to make, however, I am struggling with meal planning/executive function and Sprouts is expensive.
That being said, I would be willing to buy some blue corn flour anywhere I can find it. I'd rather not order it. They didn't have any last time I went to Trader Joe's.
I want this particular flour in order to make tortillas, pizza crust, and anything else I can think of from scratch. I imagine my favorite tacos would taste better with home made tortillas and guacamole instead of the pre made kind I find in stores.
Speaking of food, I need to take a few minutes to call and recertify food stamps. Otherwise any and all spare money is going to food for a while. I don't know how long it's going to take for them to re-approve me if I don't manage to do this before some cutoff date.
My copy of "Anything That Moves" by Jamie Stewart from Rough Trade never came. I need to email them and explain soon is a good time to process my payment. Maybe they tried while my account was empty. :(
Speaking of ordering stuff online, Helix will get a reward if I buy from Gamersupps. I have been eyeing their energy powder for drinks for months now and it seems finally worth trying. It might save me some money that would normally go to energy drinks, kombucha, yerba mate, and coffee. I need some way of indulging my caffeine addiction that is cost effective.
As for how I will mix the powder, I *sort of* want the latest cup from them but I saw reports from customers of these cups cracking frequently. I can't justify spending that much on something that might break almost immediately. I like the art on the latest one a lot because it's the nurse from Poke'mon, though.
I am gonna have to look around Walgreen's for some sort of plain shaker cup or water bottle. That's gonna fuel me to collect a bunch of water proof stickers, though. I should be more careful about how I spend my time.
Anyways, if Gamersupps steps up and improves their cups, I will order more than just the mixings someday. Especially if they happen to feature more characters I like by then.
My only other concern is I don't know how every single ingredient will interact with my meds. It seems safe at first glance, but I plan to bring the container to my next pain management appointment and talk to him about it. It's part of their rules I have to show them all my pill bottles and any supplements I take.
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What Have I Done? - Bakugou Katsuki
Bakugou x f!reader
Warnings: Angst, Physical injuries, cursing
Summary: An argument gone out of hand. Y/N just wanted Katsuki to be home more. They’re married and yet she barely sees him throughout the week. When she finally speaks on her hurt feelings, she gets a reaction she definitely wasn’t expecting.
Chapter 1 -> Chapter 2
A/N:.....I cried while writing this.
BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST
‘He’s gone already. Again. Like always.’
Y/N had awoken to another empty bed. Her husband’s side of the mattress remained cold and empty. This wasn’t anything new. It’s been like this for the past few months. She would wake up alone, eat breakfast alone, spend her day alone, eat dinner alone, and go back to sleep at the end of the day...alone.
It’s not that Katsuki is intentionally ignoring Y/N. He loves her with his everything, he truly does! But villains never rest and neither does he. He’s so preoccupied with hero work that when he does get a day off, his friends drag him away to a bar or game night. Y/N always ran through his head but she had always been so understanding. And besides, she knows how busy the life of a pro is. She used to be one so she gets it. Right?
Wrong. She doesn’t get it. Because even when she was a pro, her and Katsuki always found time for each other. And ever since said man made her quit, claiming he could take care of both of them easily and he would feel better knowing his beloved is safe at home, they’ve seen each other less and less. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Y/N was willing to quit her dream because she found a new dream in Katsuki. She always imagined that being his little housewife would give them more time together but the opposite of that came true. Now she sits in the big empty house with no company for hours on end.
Her sadness builds up every day. She misses her husband. She tries to be an understanding wife but at this point, it’s like he’s not even trying to make an effort to see her. It’s like he’s settled to just coming home to her sleeping form and waking up to her in the exact same state, leaving before he can witness her do anything else. He should understand her though, no? I mean, she had brought it up to him in a very casual way and so he never took it seriously, but she’s mentioned it before. He should have a pretty vivid image of how shes been feeling. Right?
After 6 months of loneliness and being ‘Katsuki-deprived,’ Y/N made her move to speak to her husband about her feelings. She already imagined the outcome. An argument due to Katsuki’s brash behavior and her ‘never back down’ attitude, sad times bringing in the silent treatment for the two of you up until the both of you give in and forgive each other due to the love you have. Finally ending in a compromise. Y/N released a heavy breath as she looked at the time.
1:36 a.m. Just a few more minutes until Katsuki’s home.
—
He was pissed. 3 large scale bank robberies, 10 villain-wannabe fights, an argument with his publicist about his ‘out of line attitude,’ and Deku replacing him on a random ass billboard. The last detail wouldn’t have mattered if it was anybody else but the fact that it was Deku had him riled up. He just wanted to go home to a quiet house with his beautiful wife and admire her gorgeous, slumbering state. However that was not what he was greeted with.
Katsuki grumbled as he unlocked the front door and walked in. He noticed the lights were still on and saw Y/N still awake, seated on the couch. On any other day, he’d be elated to see his wife was still up. They’d talk and cuddle and go to sleep together. If he was lucky, they’d both make love until the sun rose. But tonight, that wouldn’t be happening. He wanted a quiet house with his sleeping wife. Not..whatever was about to happen. He sighed as he dropped his bag at the front door and sloppily placed his keys in the glass bowl near the door.
“What’re you doing up dumbass?” He asked as he walked to the kitchen, not even bothering to take off his shoes. He needed a drink.
“I was waiting for you, Katsuki. I just wanted to talk to you about something,” you said in a soft voice, hoping it would suppress his for sure incoming anger. Katsuki closed the fridge with a kick to the heavy door and chugged down a quarter of his drink.
“I’m not in the mood. Had a shitty day and I wanna sleep. Just go to bed.” He said sternly while trying to finish his beer as fast as he could.
“Don’t you think I would’ve done that hours ago? I wouldn’t have stayed up and waited for you if this wasn’t important. Please Katsuki, I really wanna talk.” Bakugou was beginning to grow annoyed. Why wouldn’t you just drop it already? He squeezed his bottle hard enough for it too crack before he spoke with a louder voice.
“Y/N! You’re not listening! I’m tired. I had a horrible day and I just want to sleep. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to stay up anymore, and I don’t want to listen to whatever bullshit you’re about to complain and bitch about like you always do!” He screamed. His words made your jaw drop.
“Not listening?! That’s all I do! All I do is listen to your every command so that you come home happy-“
“Well it looks like you failed today!” He said, cutting you off.
“Quit interrupting! And what was it that you said?! All I do is bitch and complain?! I’m trying to talk to you about something serious here Katsuki!” You pleaded, still hoping he would give in and listen. And he did...just not in the way you’d expect.
“Fine then! If this’ll get you to quit being an annoying ass waste of time, then speak! Talk! What the hell do you want?!” He asked, screaming at you, furious at all the dramatics you’ve brought up in one night.
His words kind of stung. ‘Annoying ass? Waste of time? Is this what he thinks I am?’ You grew silent at his insults and Katsuki seethed even more.
“Oh what? I scream at you and you bitch up? Toughen up Y/N, jeez. Quit acting like a baby! Tell me what you wanted to say!” He yelled.
“.......I just....I just wanted you to spend some time with me. .....Be home more.” You said in a quiet and broken voice. You looked down to the now very interesting floor as you played with your hands.
“Seriously? This shit again? I’m a pro-hero, Y/N! I’m busy! I’m not gonna drop saving lives just because your brat ass wants someone to notice you! Since when were you such an attention whore?” He asked while rolling his neck to relieve his strained muscles. Your eyes widen at the ground due to his words and your head snapped back up to face him.
“A-attention whore? I-...I just want my husband to stop working so much. I don’t know..maybe have a day off or two!” She said with a crinkled nose as you screamed.
“I do have days off, Moron. It’s why I’m not overworked, ever thought about that?!” He screamed back.
“And you spend those days off away from me! I’m not trying to act like the world revolves around me but I would hope my own husband would spend a day with me instead of his friends that he ALWAYS sees because you ALL WORK TOGETHER!” You argued. You made a valid point and even Katsuki knew that, but he was too stubborn to admit defeat. He was still tired but he had enough energy to put you back in your place. His eyes popped as a vein grew on his neck.
“Well- WELL YOU’RE ONCE AGAIN JUST BITCHING AND COMPLAINING LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE SO UPSET!” He screamed.
“Don’t understand?! You know what? I know you don’t because you never listen to-“
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WASNT DONE TALKING! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND THE HOUSE, LAZING AROUND, DOING NOTHING BUT TRY TO ARGUE WITH-“
“LAZING AROUND?!” You shouted in disbelief. “WHO MAKES YOUR MEAL PREP THE NIGHT BEFORE SO YOU CAN ENJOY IT AT WORK AND IN THE MORNING? WHO CLEANS THE ENTIRE HOUSE EVERYDAY WHILE YOU’RE GONE? WHO MAKES SURE YOU HAVE A FULL FRIDGE, CLEAN HOUSE, GOOD FOOD, AND A HAPPY LIFE? ME KATSUKI! ME!”
“Happy life? DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU BITCH?! NEWSFLASH, IM NOT! SO CONGRATS Y/N! YOU FAILED ONCE AGAIN! AND WHO GIVES A FUCK IF YOU PLAY MAID WHILE IM AWAY?! IM BUSY SAVING THE FUCKING WORLD! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BE A GOOD WIFE SINCE YOU CANT EVEN BE A FUCKING PRO ANYMORE!” He insulted again.
“because of FUCKING YOU!” You argued once more.
“I DID IT FOR YOU!” He said while throwing his bottle to the wall, causing it to shatter. “I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOUR UNGRATEFUL BITCH ASS! I PAY THE BILLS! I BRING HOME THE CASH! I GIVE YOU THE MONEY TO BUY ALL THE FUCKING FOOD, CLOTHES, AND ANY OTHER STUPID SHIT YOU WANT! AND ON TOP OF THAT, I STUFF YOUR STUPID CUNT TO PLEASURE YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS. AT THIS POINT, YOU’RE JUST A WALKING HOLE FOR ME TO USE!”
His words hurt. They broke your heart. Did he really feel this way? If so, why was he even with you anymore. You notice a smirk grow on his face at your bewildered state. He looked as if he just won something. However, the smirk dropped into a scowl once he saw your eyes begin to pool with tears.
“Oh great! Cry! Go ahead! Just shed your fucking tears like you always do! I’m going to bed! Come join me when you’re done being an annoying bitch.” He said and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he began to walk away. You didn’t want the conversation to go this way and there was no conclusion. You needed this to be resolved now. You just wanted your husband back. You reached out to stop him from walking but the unforeseen happened.
“Katsuki..don’t walk away from thi-“
“DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!” He said and smacked your arms away with a burning palm. Without realizing, Katsuki began to spark his quirk and so when he went in to push you away, he burned your forearm.
A loud blast and smoke filled the room and your screams of pain invaded his ears. The sound made a shocked face grow on him as he quickly turned to see the damaged he had caused. His heart sank as he saw you crying while holding your burnt arm with your other hand. You were slightly hunched over in pain as you took notice of the damage that had been caused. That he caused.
“Y/N!” Bakugou softly shouted as he ran to you. He wanted to help but before he could even lay a finger on you, you flinched. The action caused him to hesitate and hold himself back. He ran to the kitchen sink to get a cold rag and he brought it back to you. “Baby! I am so sor-“
You pushed him away and off of you as you quickly walked to your bedroom with a shadow casted over your eyes. Tears still flowed down your cheeks as sniffles could be heard from your cherry red nose. Katsuki couldn’t believe what he just did and ran to follow you.
“Y/N! Please listen! I didn’t mean it! I don’t know how that happened Teddy Bear but I swear I didn’t mean it! I swear I didn’t mean any of the bullshit I said! I’m sor-“
*SLAM* *click!*
Katsuki realized he followed you out the kitchen, through the living room, up the stairs, and to the entrance of the master bedroom you both shared before you slammed the door and locked it right in his face.
“Baby! Please open the door!” He said while knocking in a very rushed manner. He wanted nothing more than to help you and treat the damage he caused to his beloved wife. He had royally fucked up. He began turning and jiggling the locked knob in an attempt to get it open but failed. “Please Y/N! I have to take care of you and that burn. I’m so sorry but please let me in!”
On the other side of the door, you pressed your back against it as you held in your sobs and slid to the bottom. You pulled both lips in to conceal your voice while you held your wrist to examine the burn on your arm. It was so bad. Your skin turned an angry shade of red as it blistered and bled. You were dripping blood all over your carpeted floor and so you ran to the master bathroom in the bed room.
You turned on the sink and placed your forearm under the cold, running water. The water soothed it a bit but it wasn’t enough to cover the pain. You turned off the sink and grabbed a hand rag as you patted down on your wound. You took out the first aid kit and cared for yourself. You had to take the alcohol to clean it and sucked in a breath before you poured the solution over the burn. You screamed as it seemed to have hurt 10x more. After dabbing cotton over it, you wrapped it in bandages and took a breath of relief.
‘What just happened?’ You thought to yourself.
The entire time, Katsuki was still begging for you to open up. He heard your scream and grew frantic. He banged on the door and cried for you, still hoping, praying, that you would let him in. When nothing happened, he resorted back to calling out for you but to no avail.
About an hour went by and it was almost 4 in the morning. You sat on the bed with your arms holding your knees to your chest. You stared at the wrap as the memories of what went down tonight flashed through your brain.
‘Waste of time...brat ass...attention whore...ungrateful...annoying bitch.’
His words struck you right in your heart. Cruel thoughts began to fill your head.
‘He doesn’t love me. He hates me. I’m worthless.’ Your thoughts would’ve continued until a quiet knock snapped you out of you mind.
“....Y/N?...Baby?” It was Katsuki of course, but a softer version of him. A broken one. “..I don’t know if you’re listening or if you’re awake..but I need you to know that I’m so so sorry.” It was easy to hear his muffled and staggered voice that exposed his tears and sobs. “If I could turn back time right now, I would do tonight all over again, I swear. I would’ve came home and listened to you. And we could’ve talked things out. We would’ve came out of this problem being a stronger couple than we were before...because that’s what we always do. We always make it out of the dark together..because we’re a team..and I need you. .....Please...please don’t leave me Y/N. I love you so much. ‘M so sorry that I hurt you..that I burned you..that I’m such a terrible husband. But I promise you I’ll fix everything in the morning...................Teddy Bear?”
He didn’t know it, but you were listening. You heard every word but refrained from speaking. You knew that the second you did, you’d break down and go crawling back to him....but you didn’t want to do that. You wanted to leave. He physically burned you and you wanted to leave. You were going to sleep for a few hours, and when you would awaken, you would pack a bag and leave. And so, you began your plan and tried to get some sleep as tear streaks marked your face. It would all be over soon.
You woke up to the morning sun.
6:50 a.m.
You rose out of bed and rubbed at your puffy eyes. You quietly got ready in the bathroom and applied the slightest bit of makeup to look more presentable. You took out a pair of shoes and tossed them to the center of the room. You were in your closet and pulled out a bag. You stuffed it full of a few clothes for you to wear, you couldn’t stay here. Not after what he did. You fought through the pain as you pulled on your jacket and placed your shoes on. You wiped your tears as you picked up your purse and got ready to leave. You were going to stay in a hotel. Didnt matter where or how expensive. You just needed to get away.
Finally, you walked to the exit of the bedroom. You took a breath before you slowly turned the knob and was greeted with the sight of a sleeping Bakugou. He had slept in the hallway in front of the bedroom, still wearing the same clothes from the night before. His knees were scrunched up with his arms resting there to be used as a pillow. He layed his head atop of his arms and as you looked down into his hands, you saw the rag. The exact rag from the argument. The rag that he attempted to use to help you. Little did you know, Bakugou hadn’t planned on getting rid of it until you let him use it to help you. He wanted nothing more than to fix his mistake and cater to you and your wound.
You shook your head as you felt tears began to fill your eyes but you refused to let them fall. You took a step and sadly awoken the exact man you were trying to avoid. Bakugou had quickly woken up when he heard the slightest noise and was blessed with the beauty that is you. He looked up at you with wide eyes and a small smile.
“Y/N...” was what he whispered before he quickly got up to run to you.
“Y/N!” He ecstatically said with a hint of relief. He was about to wrap him arms around you but you kept a hand at his chest to keep him at bay. “Baby?...”
Bakugou looked at you with hurt and confused eyes when you didn’t welcome his embrace. Even when you were mad at him, you still allowed him to hold you so what gives? He looked at you and your attire. He noticed your jacket and shoes and saw you holding a bag. “W-what are you doing?”
You walked away from him but he snatched your wrist to make you turn to face him. “Y/N! What’s going on?!” He frantically asked with crazed eyes. You snatched your wrist back and ran down the stairs and he copied your actions. He followed you into the living room until he grabbed your wrist once more. You tried to pull away again but found it harder because this time, he gripped it tight.
“W-where are you going baby?”
“Dont call me that.”
“What? Why? Baby, please tell me what’s going on.” He begged as he squeezed your wrist.
“What’s going on? Are you serious? What does it look like? I’m leaving!” Bakugou’s eyes went wide once more and shook his head.
“N-no! No, why!?”
“Why?! Look at my arm!” You screamed.
“I know! I know and I’m so sorry! But..but you don’t have to go! I can fix you up, I’ll take you to recovery girl, I will bring you to the best hospitals around the world to fix that for you! Just please don’t go!” He bargained and offered everything but you weren’t budging.
“It’s not just the burn Bakugou.” You deadpanned with a nonchalant face. His heart felt heavy after hearing your voice refer to him with his family name.
“..I-it’s Katsuki! Your Katsuki! It’s Suki, baby please!” Bakugou stepped closer as he cried once more but you backed away again. His hold on your wrist still strong as his fingers played with the ring on your hand, trying to calm himself down and remind himself that you are still his wife.
You shook your head at his pleading. “Bakugou. You burned me. But not only that, you’ve neglected me for months.”
“I know that! And I’m sorry! I will spend just as much time off of work to make it up to you, I swear I will, I promise!” He once again bargained.
“It’s too late.”
“No it’s not, please, it can’t be!”
“It is Bakugou-“
“KATSUKI! ....please...please don’t call me that. I’m your Katsuki,” he said with a whimpering voice. At this point you felt the tears come through, but you still didn’t allow them to fall.
“Katsuki...I can’t stay here. Too much damage has been done.” You said with a soft voice. Bakugou continued to shake his head ‘no,’ but you already made up your mind. You used your wind quirk in your hand and blew his grip off your wrist. You took the quick opportunity to walk to the door but Bakugou grabbed your bag off your shoulder in a childish panic and attempt to get you to stay.
“Hey!-“
“Please Y-Y/N! Please don’t leave me! I- I know I’ve been a terrible husband! I’m sorry! B-But I promise I’ll do better. I’ll stay at home more, I’ll spend more time with you, Please!”
“Katsu-“
“I’ll buy you whatever you want! I’ll get you all the expensive brands, I’ll find you all the best jewelry, I’ll give you all the money in the world! I’ll give you the whole world! Please stay! I love you so much Y/N!”
“Katsuki, give me back my bag,” you tried to reach for it but Bakugou kept it away from you and pulled you in with one arm and held you in a tight embrace as he cried on your shoulder.
“Please...you can’t do this to me. I need you. I love you! I’ll do better! I’ll be a better husband, I swear..just please don’t go.” He softly spoke with a broken voice and soft hiccups. It was wrong for you to do this, but you sighed and pretended to forgive him as you wrapped your arms around his torso. You hugged him tight and he fell for it as he openly sobbed now. His other arm that held your bag came to wrap around your waist but before it could, you snatched the bag out of his hold and pushed him away. You ran to the door and held a tight grip on the knob as you picked up your car keys. You saw Katsuki attempt to run back to you but you created a strong barrier of wind to protect you. “IM SORRY Y/N! PLEASE DONT!”
You took off your ring and tossed it to him through the barrier. He was quick to catch it and hold it right in fear of losing it. He had to find a way to get it back on your finger. “No..baby...Teddy Bear please!”
“....I’ll send you the divorce papers....Goodbye Katsuki.”
With that, you walked out of the door, still keeping the barrier alive. Once you started the car, you dispersed of the wind and Bakugou opened the door and ran to your car.
“Y/N wait! Please!” He cried out but he was too late. You pulled out of the driveway and drove off quickly down the street. He watched your car go as he began hyperventilating and tugging at his ash blonde locks. He ran back inside the house with your ring in hand as he looked for his phone. He found it on the kitchen island and quickly dialed your number. Of course, it went straight to voicemail but that didn’t stop him from calling about 50x more.
“This-...this has to be some stupid dream. A fucking nightmare...” he said as he tried to hide in denial. “Yeah...a nightmare. This is what it is...I’ll..I’ll wake up soon and she’ll be by my side in the morning...sleeping peacefully...and I’ll take the whole week off and spend it with her. She won’t be mad, we’ll be happy like we always are. S-She won’t leave me.”
Bakugou had an insane smile on his face with eyes of distraught on him. He clumsily made his way back to his bedroom where he flopped onto the large mattress and tried to get some sleep. He would sleep the whole day away if it meant you’d still be by his side when he woke up. The ring you abandoned was held tight in the palm of his hand as he held it close to his chest. His sobs overcame him but did aid in his journey to slumber. Eventually, he knocked out and a smile of bliss adorned his face as he assumed you would still be there in the morning.....oh how wrong he was.
The very next day, he woke up at 5:30 like he always did and quickly looked to your side of the bed. It was cold and empty. He was lonely. The exact same feeling you got everytime you woke up without seeing him for the past 6 months.
6 months. You’ve been married for 4 years and together for 8. Out of those 8 years, Bakugou spent 6 months neglecting you..and now...he lost you.
He stared at the empty space and bawled his eyes out like a baby as he screamed. He got out of bed and walked to the kitchen. Maybe you were cooking breakfast! You weren’t. Kitchen was empty. He ran to the living room! Maybe you were just watching some TV and reading a book, looking all cute and domesticated like you usually did. No, you weren’t there either. Bakugou checked every room in the house and when he couldn’t find you..he snapped.
His heart beated at a rapid pace as he trashed the entire house. Breaking windows, flipping desks, smashing furniture. He used his quirk to create blasts and burn marks into the walls and floors of the house. He did everything to get his frustrations out. The entire time he shouted and cried as rivers of tears flowed down his cheeks.
When he was done, he sat in the middle of the destroyed living room, laying his back against the flipped couch. He sat with his knees scrunched up as he hunched over, staring at the ground. His nose and eyes and basically his entire face grew puffy and red. His hair was a mess and so was he. Silent tears continued to drop, but his throat was too dry and hurt far too much for him to make anymore noise. However, he did fight through the pain to say one final thing:
“What have I done?”
A/N: hi cubsss! So a lot of you may know that my very first post, writing piece, and short story (He’s Lost) was created around angst, a breakup, and the fact that the triggering point was Bakugou physically hurting Y/N. I’ve been thinking about it and I HATE MY WRITING IN THE FIRST POST! It was terrible! Why tf did y’all like it so much?😭 And so, I’ve created a new piece revolving around the same elements, sorta as a way to check my progress. I hope you enjoyed!
ALSO!!! If you guys like this enough, I’m willing to turn it into a small yandere short story if you Cubs are down for that. Let me know and I’ll make it happen! Love you Cubs! See you next time🧸💗
#bakugo x reader#bakugou fanfiction#bakugou katsuki#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou imagine#bakugou x y/n#bnha#bnha bakugo katsuki#mha#bakugou angst#bakugo angst#katsuki angst#bakugou katsuki angst#katsuki bakugou#katsuki bakugou x reader#bakugou x reader angst#bakugou x reader#katsuki x reader#mha bakugo katsuki#mha bakugo x reader#mha bakugou#bnha bakugo x reader#bnha bakugou#boku no hero bakugou#boku no hero academia#my hero academia bakugou#my hero academia#mha angst#bnha angst
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I read “[Naruto] made budgeting and math his bitch” and all I want to say, to ask, is to consider the possibility that he’s the one in charge of Team 7’s budget? Please and thank you for your time.
It takes Naruto a bit to notice it. Takes a while for all the pieces to line up just right for him to see it.
His team, as talented as they all are, are absolute shit with money.
They're up north, huddled together on the roadside just inside of Tomi, the capital city of the midsized island that makes up Gold Country, when the truth comes out.
Their mission had been long and draining and they're all looking forward to a ship back to the mainland and a stop at an Inn for a night before they start the trek back to Konoha.
The only problem with that plan is the fact that everyone is flat broke.
Everyone, that is, except for Naruto. Which the other three would know if they'd bothered to ask him instead of assuming he was just as broke as they are.
Because Naruto's wallet is basically still as fat as ever despite the length of time they've been gone and the fact that he's done his definition of splurging at the shops in Tomi. He'd put the few hours where they'd split up before meeting again to start looking for a ship back to very very good use.
Supplies were always cheaper for him outside of Konoha proper where the shopkeepers don't know him and he's actually allowed to haggle. Plus their contractor, an ancient silk merchant named Kaede, had taken enough of a liking to Naruto to put in a good word for him at the local shops.
A courtesy that she, apparently, hadn't offered to the rest of the team or maybe just one they hadn't bothered to take her up on. Naruto isn't sure which it is exactly.
But if it's the second option then Naruto's not sure what to think. He'd never turn a discount or chance to haggle down, no matter how small it is. He knows better.
"Well," Kakashi-sensei says brightly. "Looks like we'll be running to the mainland and camping until we're back home. Let that be a lesson to all of us to bring more money next time."
Sakura looks like she's on the verge of either tears or a tantrum and Sasuke looks as blank as always except for the slightly displeased curl of his mouth.
Naruto finds himself a mix of both of their reactions because what?
Bring more money? That was Kakashi-sensei's solution? Just bring more? Like what Naruto knows was in each of their wallets before they left Konoha wasn't a good six months of Naruto's regular budget?
And they've got relatively little to show for the fact that they spent it all?
How??
It's in that moment that the truth hits Naruto directly in the face.
He's the only poor person on this Team. He's the only one of them who has ever had to actually worry about money.
Sakura has parents who actually love and house her, all her mission earnings are pure profit. Kakashi-sensei is probably the shinobi version of rich with his rank and all the high-level missions he's taken. And Sasuke is absolutely the shinobi version of rich with the wealth of an entire Clan at his disposal.
When they run out of money they just ... go get more.
Naruto, with his crumbling apartment and trap-wire thin budget, lives an entirely different kind of life.
They can probably just walk right into the Konoha bank he's sure they all use, the same one Naruto's never been allowed into, and just withdraw more money.
Not Naruto. All of his money, whatever he's scrimped and saved for, has always either been on his person or hidden away in a hollowed space beneath his bed.
For a long moment, Naruto debates with himself. Considers not saying anything and just following along with Kakashi's plan.
But, well, he does have the money and they are his Team.
So ...
"I got this," Naruto huffs out as he holds up his still bulging wallet. "But we're doing it my way and you'd all better pay me back if I spend anything."
He doesn't bother to listen to their protests or whatever they might say or do. Instead he turns on his heel and stalks off towards the docks, intent on finding them a ride to the mainland that doesn't make him want to gouge his eyes out at the price.
Half an hour later finds them settled on the deck of a small fishing vessel, warm pork buns in hand, and Naruto not missing a single yen.
The hoard of shadow clones he has practically crawling over the ship ended up being payment enough for the weathered-looking woman who'd given them passage.
He ignores the way the others stare at him and focuses on eating his lunch, mind already ticking over what Inns he remembers them passing and what he could do to get them a night's stay for the lowest cost possible.
With him in the lead, they manage to make it all the way back to Fire Country without having to pay for much of anything at all. Naruto had bartered everything from his shadow clones to Kakashi-sensei kissing the back of some woman's hand to his own help modeling a kimono while waitressing in his female form at a restaurant in Blouder City for food and lodging.
He'd actually like that last job the most since Tsubame-san had not only let him keep the kimono but he'd made a small fortune in tips as well.
It's not until they stop at the Black River Inn, the last waypoint before they reach Konoha proper, that Naruto finally steps back. Much to the puzzlement of the rest of the team, he lets Kakashi-sensei step up and rent them a room instead.
Tatsuyomi, the man who runs the inn, is the brother-in-law of the woman who runs the Tree Bud in Konoha.
He knows Naruto on sight.
It's not until they're settled into their shared room that night, the others eating a hot meal from the kitchen and Naruto eating the last of meat buns the cook Akira had slipped him before Naruto left the restaurant in Boulder, that someone finally asks.
"How'd you get so good with money, Naruto?" Sakura is the one to break the ice. "Figured you'd blow it all on ramen or something by now."
"He didn't actually pay for much," Sasuke points out quietly. "And nothing full price. He traded and haggled for everything instead."
"Still," Sakura presses. "He's the only one of us who isn't broke and he managed to get us a stay in every Inn we came across on the way home. Kind of weird."
Naruto stops, stares down that the cold meat bun in his hand, eyes squinted almost closed and shoulders tight.
He forces himself to breathe, to let the tension flow off and away.
He takes a bite of his bun.
Chews.
"I've never had parents," Naruto finds himself saying.
Around him the room goes absolutely silent.
"Don't have a Clan or a guardian or anything either," Naruto's shoulders shift restlessly, nails biting into the soft flesh of the bun in his hand. "Been living off the orphan's stipend since I was four. The pay from that is ... there's never been a lot to go around. There's always bills and supplies so I had to learn to make what I had really count. Being hungry for a long time sucks you know? Never want to do that again, not after the first few times. Not unless I have to."
"Y-You get mission pay now though right?" Sakura says, voice low and eyes wide.
"Don't get the stipend anymore though, that stopped when I got my headband," Naruto shrugs again, uncomfortable in his skin for a reason he can't properly name. "And mission pay gets split so ..."
The quiet is thick around them. Sasuke is practically glaring at his bowl and Kakashi-sensei's knuckles are white around the edges of his book.
"But yeah," Naruto finally says as he pushes himself up onto his feet, half eaten bun in hand, and turns to hop up onto the windowsill, "I learned money stuff real young. Probably the only school thing I was ever really good at."
A flex of muscle has him out the window and sitting on the edge of the roof, feet dangling and conversation officially over.
The rest of the night and the journey back to Konoha proper is quiet.
The next time they go on an extended mission outside of the village it's Naruto who's in charge of any and everything even remotely money-related as soon as they pass the border.
And if their mission pay starts getting split three ways instead of four, well, Kakashi-sensei doesn't say anything so Naruto doesn't either.
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Saving Tips for Hard Times
I found this old document where I collected a series of tips to save money. This is all part of my experience of when I was near homeless, and some work depending on where you live, some don’t. Here we go.
BILLS:
1. The optimum temperature for refrigerator operation is 5°C, and -18°C for freezer operation. As a rule of thumb, for each additional degree of refrigeration output about six percent more electricity is used.
2. Unplug your appliances. Lamps, microwave, tv, computers etc. They don't need to be plugged until you use them, and it saves energy to keep them unplugged. Therefore, money.
3. Do homework for phone companies and internet plans. Call them! Often they are toll free and if you mentioned that you were already with them or thinking of going with them and then found out another company had a better deal, they could offer you deals for lower prices. I had to do it all the time for my phone, until they couldn't really offer anything better.
4. BIKE. Invest in a used bike if you can, especially for the warmer months. It offsets the transit costs and better your health.
5. WALK. That's the same as the bike, honestly.
6. Pay your bills on time, you will avoid late fees which can up to HUNDREDS of dollars wasted over the course of a year. If you can, set up automatic payments so you don’t forget.
FRIDGE:
1. Every time the refrigerator door is opened, cold air escapes and warm ambient air enters. To compensate for the temperature increase in its interior, the refrigerator must then use energy to bring the temperature back down. Always avoid opening the door unnecessarily and for too long.
2. When defrosting frozen food place it in the refrigerator. Not only does this ensure that the food is carefully defrosted, its presence cools down the refrigerator interior, reducing the amount of work that the compressor has to do, and therefore lowering energy consumption.
3. Never put warm food in the refrigerator as this will heat up the interior, as well as other stored foods. Hot food should always be allowed to cool to room temperature before placing it in the refrigerator
MONEY:
1. Keep all the containers like glass bottles, juice bottles, jars, cans etc. Look for your Return-It depot and have trips to return them. They give back coins for laundry, small expenses etc
2. Use that junk mail. Go through it, find coupons for food, for essentials like toilet paper or shampoo.
3. CHECK. THAT. DOLLARSTORE. They often have things like pasta, ketchup, toilet paper, batteries etc for literally 1 dollar. Pasta is pasta, toilet paper is toilet paper. Seriously. Don't need to spend 5$ on a shampoo bottle when you can have it for 1/5 of the price.
4. Do homework and check with different banks for which one offers a better plan. Some of them are willing to help out. Sit down with their advisors, find the best solution!
5. Use the envelope system! For example, one envelope with a label “food” the other with “entertainment” the other with “bills”. Then set the right amount of cash for each. That’s what you’re allowed to spend each month. If you realize you need more for food, grab it from the entertainment envelope. Adapt and arrange as needed.
6. If you can, set up an automatic saving (example 50$ every paycheck) for both regular saving AND an emergency fund.
7. Use the 24-Hour Rule. Avoid purchasing expensive or unnecessary items on impulse with a self-imposed 24-hour rule. For any non-essential item, wait 24 hours before purchasing. It’s perfect for online shopping where your items can simply be added to your cart to purchase later.
8. Make a grocery list BEFORE going to the grocery store and STICK to it. You’re going to avoid buying things you don’t really need.
9. DO. NOT. SHOP. WHILE. YOU. ARE. HUNGRY. Or you’ll end up buying food that you actually don’t need just because you feel snacky!
10. Only use ATMs from your bank, or you get charged small fees.
11. Set a “No Spend Day” per week, where you consciously DO NOT spend any money for that day.
12. Ditch the paper: Cutting out paper towels and using cloths and napkins that you can simply wash and reuse is a simple way to save.
13. After you wear clothes, hang them outside your wardrobe, on a door or something. You can air them out a bit, then stick them in the closet without washing. You can basically reuse the same clothes two or three times without having to wash them, sometimes they just need a bit of air and they won’t smell AT ALL.
14. If you don’t own or want to spend money on an iron, hang whatever blouse you need to iron in the bathroom while you shower. The steam will humidify the fabric and straighten it up.
15. Hang stuff to dry. Really don’t need to spend money on the dryer.
16. Sign up to the library. They have so many books and DVDs nowadays. You can also just go, sit at the library and stay warm for a while, so that you don’t have to sit at home and either suffer the cold or use money on your own heat.
17. Budget, budget, budget. Get a lil notebook, write down the monthly expenses, cut what you don’t need. It gets easier with time.
FOOD:
1. Make a meal plan. Write 10-14 days worth of dishes that you can do (lunch, dinner, everything you need). You can then toss them around as you go on with your week, but that way you have a pretty clear idea of what you use and the food you go through for how long. It also reduces the risks of getting take out since you already have plans for what to eat.
2. Cook double! Seriously. Make that dinner and double it up. Leftovers can be frozen or put in the fridge for the day after.
3. Meal prep. Once a week, prep a bunch of different recipes. Let them cool down, stick them in the freezer. At that point you’ll already have all these meals at the ready to just thaw/microwave or oven up.
4. You don’t need pop. You don’t need alcohol. You most likely don’t need milk, but go for it if you wanna. Just remember dairy products go bad WAY more quickly than non dairies, so consider getting food and drinks with no dairy in them. Mainly, though. Water. Just drink water. Lots of it too! Sometimes our brain can’t tell the difference between hunger and thirst. You think you’re snacky? Drink some water instead! It’ll quell your hunger.
5. Freeze fruit! If you think you’re not gonna be able to eat fruit in time, put it in a Tupperware or a ziplock and slap it in the freezer. You’ll be able to then use it for smoothies.
6. Use the Italian saying “Colazione da re, pranzo da nobili, cena da poveri.” Which quite literally means “Breakfast as a king, lunch as a noble, dinner as a poor.”
Breakfast should be very filling, carbs, protein, vitamins. It carries you for the whole day. Lunch should be quite filling too! But supper doesn’t really need a lot of it, and if you REALLY have to skip a meal, skip supper. Your body doesn’t need that much sustenance while sleeping.
7. This is for the desperate times but I’ve done it, and I would do it again if I ever had to. Go to markets that have like… Fruits and veggies. Talk to them. Ask them “HEY, can I have the fruit/veggie that you have to throw away?” Ask them if you can have the ugly produce, the one that doesn’t look pretty enough to be put out. Or ask them to have whatever extra they have to dump because is past the expiry date. EXPIRY DATE IS USUALLY MUCH LONGER THAN WHAT THE LABEL SAYS. I wouldn’t risk it with dairy stuff or with things that are VERY expired, but one or two days? Totally fine, I promise. And if you have to? Dumpster Dive. Especially at markets with fruit and veggies that have to be sold on the same day (because it’s not considered “fresh” past that day.) Or behind pizza places like Dominos or Panago or whatever chain. They get pizza orders wrong all the time. Just give a peak behind these buildings and look inside their boxes. You have no idea how many times I found perfectly fine pizzas. For free!
IF YOU DUMPSTER DIVE, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE GLOVES, A MASK AND PLASTIC BAGS TO PUT YOUR STUFF IN. ONCE AT HOME, DISCARD GLOVES AND WASH PRODUCE THROUGHLY. Also check tumblr for your divers community, they usually know the best spots.
CLOTHES:
1. Thrift shop! So many GOOD used clothes are out there! Honestly! My whole wardrobe is thrifted and everything looks brand new. It takes a bit of research and maybe that shirt you liked is not in your size, but you can find EVERYTHING, from socks to bras, at a thrift store. Don’t thrift underwear though. You want to go new with those.
2. Invest in some needle and thread, then open youtube. There are SO MANY tutorials that teach you how to mend holes in socks and underwear. And really, no one will really notice if a mend is perfectly done or not. After a week, you’ll forget it too! But that prevents you from throwing away clothes that could just be mended a little.
3. Something doesn’t fit you? Too small, too big? YouTube, homie. They have tutorials on how to fix these kinda things! All you need, again, is needle and thread.
4. Organize clothes swaps with friends and/or neighbors. Everyone brings clothes they don’t need, put them in a pile. Go through the pile and grab whatever there is. There’s no money exchange, one could go home with 1 item and one could go home with 50 items. Who cares? The extra stuff… DONATE IT TO A SHELTER.
Feel free to add more, and stay safe!
#saving#saving tips#saving tip#money management#savings#small savings#homeless#saving account#my tips#signal boost#thrifting#dumpster diving#recycle#creative reuse#reduce reuse recycle#reducereuserecycle
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small mun update
Alright will be getting to replies either really late tonight or some time tomorrow long story short some people are assholes and have said some absolutely nasty things....
My morning yesterday that sent me into a downward spiral for a wee bit...
line from my dad. "Don't get me wrong ill feel sorry for you Reno but the day your cat dies I'm going to celebrate with a huge party 'since she's ruined the house'" ((backstory So she was cat #7 and the other cats would not let her roam the house freely like I had to escort (pick her up and carry) her places. So she peed on the baseboards because the other cats would hurt her for trying to use the litter box. Nevermind things like the first dog we got would angry pee when left at home alone. The second dog had a deformity and non stop pees, the girl dog doesn't shit outside and the newest dog treats the house as his bathroom for all things 1 and 2))))
Mom lost a $130 pair of ear buds she lost one of the ear buds and was stressed. She lost them at work and she gets ordered a new pair no fuss. Yet when I accidentally lost my wallet which we found she ripped me a new asshole and was mocking and screaming at me which then got my bio dad to fat shame me and accuse me of blowing all my money on fast food.
Then my Bio dad was complaining about how he thought his blood sugar was cratering. So he asked my mom for food who volentold me to go get him food because she was "So stressed" about her headphones she was going to take 2 of the 4 dogs and go to bed.
TODAY
My car is broken which is costing me $1,600USD and that won't even fix everything on the car one of the issues I am having to wait on since I can get it fixed cheaper but I need to save the cash for it first. As the 1,600 usd if I did the math right and after bills spend 0 dollars will mean that i can pay that off in 2..5-3.5 months at the earliest.
Dad was mocking me for daring to go to an Anime convention and spending my money on fun stuff when I should've gotten my car looked at but the issue is my car does not get driven much like 5 miles a day. so I was over 1,500 miles away from when I needed a checkup/oil change. Also mocking me for not working 5p.m. to 7a.m. like my mom did during the holiday season because then i'd have money to spend on a new car instead.....
I still owe over 2k in medical debt.
Am being fat shamed still by my own family because I normally only eat once or twice a day but if I really only ate one meal a dad i wouldn't be a beached whale.
#need to vent#have no spoons#tw emotional trauma#emotional abuse#really not in a good headspace rn#fucking family
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Hello professor, I have a pretty heavy question I’m afraid, but I’m running out of people to ask, so I’ll try my best to keep it PG13.
It’s my Mienshao, Daisy. Up until recently, she and I were members of a police task force tasked with rooting out illegal Pokemon smuggling rings and underground high stakes tournaments. We’ve been partners for a long time, me and Daisy, we grew up together, and I dare say we made a great team. But then things went wrong.
For the sake of security I can’t go into too much detail, but we were participating in a raid when we got ambushed. Someone must have tipped the smugglers off, because they were waiting for us when we got there. During the firefight, there was an explosion, a gas tank got set on fire by a charizard, I believe, and Daisy and I happened to be close. She got out with a few minor burns and scrapes, I... Did not.
I’ll spare you the gory details, but I have been confined to a wheel chair ever since, and I am due to be fitted for a prosthetic leg next week.
I won’t lie, the transition has been hard for everybody, me, my friends, my family. My other Pokémon have been hovering around me like over protective nannies for weeks. But I think out of all of us, Daisy has been taking it the hardest. Half of the day she spends locked to my side like a bodyguard, threatening to punch anyone that gets too close into oblivion. And the other half, well...
She’s started putting herself through some kind of hellish self training routine. Doing katas until she all but collapses from exhaustion, running laps for hours, fighting every Pokemon she can convince to fight, wild or trained. Daisy’s always been tough, and she’s always loved training, but this... This isn’t training, it’s a death march. I’m getting extremely worried, and that’s not even everything!
She’s stopped eating her favorite foods, deliberately choosing ones I know she hates, she won’t let me pet her anymore, she just steps out of reach, trying not to look at me. But most worryingly, she’s started cutting off her whiskers. She’s always been so proud of her whiskers, she groomed them every day, always got grumpy when I teased her for having a big ol’ mustache. Now anytime they get longer than an inch, she slices them off with her claws and throws them in fireplace, like some kind ceromony.
I’m almost certain Daisy feels guilty for coming out mostly unscathed, when I didn’t. She’s always been a bit protective, even before we joined the police, and she’s saved my life multiple times out in the field, but now she feels like she’s failed me, I think. I’ve tried to convince her that it wasn’t her fault, but that only seems to redouble her efforts. I’m terrified she’s going to burn herself out if she keeps going like this, and I don’t know what to do.
I know this is a pretty heavy question, but I I’m not sure who else to ask. Is there anything I can do to convince her that she doesn’t need to hurt herself like this? Or, something? Just anything to help! Losing my leg was jarring, but losing Daisy would be unbearable!... I just... I just want my best friend to be okay.
I am sorry for what you’ve been through, I cannot begin to understand what it’s like to be in your shoes, but like all recovery, physical or mental, this will take a fair bit of time to get past, you both may never fully return to how things were, but it can get better and you can both return to a full life together with work and dedication.
I’ve certainly seen Pokemon go to extreme lengths after dangerous incidents to protect their loved ones or themselves, in this case it would be wise to assume your pokemons suffering with a hefty bill of PTSD, and needs some actual therapy to handle the feelings and thoughts they’re having. We have facilities to accommodate that if you’re local to Johto, but most Pokemon centres will be able to put you in contact with reliable and certified practices to begin unravelling the issues that now plague Daisy.
That she considers herself to have come away reasonably unscathed is not true, yes your life has physically changed, but she needs to step back and take a look at her life too. Everything’s different now, and more specifically how she’s treating herself and handling her feelings. If that’s not trauma and injury, I don’t know what else it could be. You both came away with damage that day, physical or not. The first step is to help her see that, and to begin to understand that despite this all, you can both continue to move forward together if you can overcome the injury together, it is an event you shared, and you two can aid each others recovery with time and care.
There’s some seriously gifted therapists out there, those who study for years and can help far more than me, they’ll take time to break down the events, and start to really get into the feelings that your partner is going through. The cycle for Daisy right now comes around to self-punishment, and seems to be stuck on a loop. She needs time and space to process her feelings of guilt, grief, fear and loss, facing them instead of burying herself in her rigorous training. While it is difficult to discuss, you two have a strong bond that means you could talk with her. Try to remind her who’s truly responsible, she may be blaming herself, which is pretty common in these situations, but at the root of it, you were doing your routine job, and the bad guys, the Pokemon smugglers and goons are to blame. THEY caused the issue, not her, and while it may not sink in right away it’s worth saying, and sticking to. You said you told her that it wasn’t her fault, which is the gut reaction, perhaps giving her a logical target instead of herself will work better for now. Reiterating the true issue, and taking the heat off of her may help with other tasks such as self care, later down the recovery road.
Her guilt will feel terrible, but it kind of works as a protector, keeping her distanced from the worse, more overwhelming feelings of helplessness and powerlessness. In fact the guilt that masks this all will slowly make things worse over time. That underlying intense emotion below the guilt is what you both need to work through, but more than anything, she needs to face it, in her own time, come to terms with it, and eventually (hopefully) come to an understanding that life is an endless cycle of events, things will happen, but you have to pick yourself up and turn the lemons into lemonade. She could have lost you that day, that you came away with your life is a miracle, and now you two get more time together because of that. Luck isn’t something that runs out, it’s not like there’s only so much of it to go around, it is like wining the lottery. Sometimes 20 people win, other times no one does. It’s hard to accept, but there’s no greater order to stuff that happens, but when we can come to this conclusion, it’s oddly freeing. I’ve seen a fair few Pokemon in a symilar state who can move on when they realise there’s an odd randomness to the world and everything that goes on.
This is a job for someone with far greater skills than I, but you must help her by also looking after yourself, laugh when you can, show her that your life is still very full, and that you have loved ones, and joy to share with others. You mentioned that you’re due a prosthetic, and though the transition will be long and no doubt a little difficult at first, getting yourself back on two feet (kind of) will show her, and your other Pokemon that you’re willing to move forward. I think there’s a lot to be said about talking during this all. She wants to fight, to be strong, if this is how she’s going to cope, fine. If she’s out training, sit with her, spend whatever time you can by her side, as she’s taking this the hardest. You don’t have to say a thing, just try to do your best, without putting yourself in too much discomfort or pain. Reminding her who would be devastated if it had been her who got hurt, if she was not around, may help ground her back in reality a bit. You both got granted a gift that day, you came away alive, if she works so hard she burns out, that gift was wasted. She can use her kindness, and strength to help you, she can pass her knowledge and skill forward, but it’s hard to help others, and do your best if you’re exhausted beyond reason. Kind of like trying to give people bread from a basket but the damn basket is empty yknow? You got to take time to refill so you can help those around you again, so you have some bread to give. I know, probably sounds a little dumb but it’s always been the way I remember it.
Another very useful thing I’ve found with trauma survivors would be meeting others who have been in the same position. There’s plenty of support groups for both people and Pokemon who have been through events that left them in a difficult situation, emotionally and physically. Even here at the lab we have many species who have been left without limbs, with life changing damage, and a lot of them also have the emotional trauma too. She would probably do well to spend time with them, you can send her to a resort to retreat and recoup erase, mix with others who were just as angry as she is now, or you can take time to go with her to groups to interact with others. It’s one thing to have humans help, but it’s a whole other level of connection when Pokemon can help their own. They bond quicker, trust faster, and generally are more open to listening when it’s coming from a place of mutual experience. If she had time to talk to pokemon who actually lost their trainers, or parts of themselves, she may find some peace, even if only temporarily.
Don’t mention the whiskers, and where possible don’t offer her foods she actively likes, but also not ones she actively dislikes. Just for now. Start the ball rolling with just plain simple things that are neither good or bad. Indifferent is better than bad right now, the punishment she’s inflicting on herself will need addressing further, so contact a therapist, they use Rotom or porygon to translate from poke-speech to human language, and the repair can begin with a registered professional. My advice is not sound proof, I certainly feel like I have missed something important, it’s a big response, but it’s a start in the right direction, and should you come up to any further issues, message back and update us with what’s going on. With work you two will be on track to recover. Remember, patience is the biggest thing here, you two have history, and a therapist will no doubt take the sessions as a pair, and work with you to help Daisy feel less guilty over time. I hope you both find peace, and that both of you repair in due time. Good luck with the new leg, a step towards recovery for sure.
#pokemon#prof.peach#peach talks#take this one with a pinch of salt#I’m no therapist#but I certainly hope you both find some peace
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Someone on the Discord brought up fertility
Just like last time I'm lazy and just going to dump it instead of editing.
[5:10 PM] Me: Oh boy, I have thoughts about this
[5:12 PM] Me: I haven't brought it up here but demographics has been one of my covid obsessions. I got a couple books about it (What to Expect When No One's Expecting, One Billion Americans, etc.), read all the articles, etc.
[5:15 PM] Me: I agree with you about a couple things: namely that if we had "infinite free energy" we'd be a a lot better off in many ways including demographically, but I disagree with most of your other points.
[5:18 PM] Me:
Also we need not assume decline in population growth is chronic.
This is a tricky statement because there's a social aspect and a mathematical aspect. Socially you're correct in the sense that whatever trends are driving the current decline could, in theory, reverse at any time. But mathematically, population decline is exactly symmetrical to population growth: it's exponential (technically it's logistic, but that's the same as exponential in the short term), because having fewer people means fewer people to make more people later on.
[5:20 PM] Me:
Infact there is some evidence to suggest that we actually did more science when we had 4-6 billion people.
I disagree with the implication here: we used to do more science because there was more low-hanging fruit, which is now plucked, and further discoveries require more resources (human and financial). Actually one of the big reasons I disagree with Ray Kurzweil and the other singularitarians is that when they show these impressive-looking exponential curves about scientific progress, they quietly hide under the rug that these increases are requiring ever-more investment (again, in both people and money) to accomplish. Just to pick a random example, every time chip manufacturers go to a new process (14nm -> 10nm -> 7nm -> 5nm -> 2nm etc.), the cost to build the fab basically doubles. I remember a couple years back Intel had to spend $5 billion to hit a new process shrink; now TSMC needs to spend $28 billion to hit their next target: https://www.wsj.com/articles/tsmc-to-spend-up-to-record-28-billion-in-advanced-chips-capacity-11610623587)
[5:23 PM] Me: I will try to find it but I came across a paper a little while ago laying out in detail that the cost of new scientific discoveries has been steadily increasing over time. It's not that there's anything necessarily going wrong with the scientific process, this is just what you'd expect as we pick low-hanging fruit: the later discoveries necessarily become harder. But if you extrapolate that trend out forever you eventually hit a point where every single person needs to be a scientist, and every dime of capital in existence, needs to be used to make any new discoveries.
[5:26 PM] Me: (In most fields we're a long way from that point, but it actually is here or nearly here in e.g. particle physics. What I have been hearing from leading-edge particle physicists is that we've got maybe one or two more generations of particle accelerators left before we reach a point where, to probe any further (e.g. to see if string theory is true), we'd need to build accelerators the size of the Solar System, which would take more raw material than the mass of the Earth. Barring some new theoretical breakthroughs, we might actually nearing the "end" of high-energy physics.)
[5:30 PM] Me: Fortunately most fields aren't at that point, but my point is that the more we discover, the more human capital is required to make further progress. That's a tricky enough proposition with a growing population, never mind a shrinking one.
[5:36 PM] Me:
I don't think it is safe to assume lowering population growth is a biological disorder so much as a conscious choice most people in the younger generations are making for a variety of obvious reasons.
I agree with this, but it's important to dig into that a little and understand the reasons. For example, I'm not yet convinced that there is a mass epidemic of people choosing childlessness because of anxiety about e.g. climate change. In internet comments sections you certainly see lots of people making that claim, but talk is cheap and randos on the internet can say whatever they want. In terms of the actual reasons, the data I've seen shows that number of children continues to track closely with a couple data points, mostly housing costs, expected lifetime income and uncertainly about future income flow.
[5:40 PM] Me: Third, I think you should give more weight to the concerns Rhys brought up than you currently are. The environmental stresses of more people is certainly a big issue, but I think it's one that can be dealt with without too much struggle with increased deployment of clean energy (one of the few optimistic data points lately is that there's a staggering amount of wind and solar power being deployed every year) and a couple of lifestyle changes like eating less meat. Not to say these are easy, but contrast with the pretty serious problems of population decline, particularly the social safety net.
[5:41 PM] Me: And I don't just mean the explicit ones like Social Security, but even market-based, privatized ones like retirement savings have a hidden reliance on a growing population.
[5:42 PM] Me: When you "save for retirement", you're not stockpiling food and water to live off when you no longer work, you're collecting financial assets that you expect to sell to someone else and live off that income. But if there's no one to sell to, that doesn't work.
[5:44 PM] Me: This is a problem that's starting to show up at the top end of the income stack: see this WSJ article about retirees who can't find anyone to buy their $3 million homes: https://www.wsj.com/articles/a-growing-problem-in-real-estate-too-many-too-big-houses-11553181782. It's easy to have schadenfreude here at those poor rich people who can't unload their huge mansion, but remember that this is inherently a problem which will start at the top of the income brackets and gradually make its way downward.
[5:46 PM] Me: You can push this problem back for a while by increasing taxes on the rich, and I do indeed think those should go up, but in a declining population that only buys you a little time. Remember that "money" is nothing but a claim on some fraction of total economic output. e.g. when you hold a dollar bill, you're essentially holding a note entitling you to one-zillionth of American GDP.
[5:47 PM] Me: At a certain point once population falls then total aggregate output necessarily falls too, and at that point taxing the rich hits rapidly diminishing returns: you're just claiming a bigger share of falling output
[5:49 PM] Me: One thing to keep in mind here is that most economies, but especially the U.S. economy, are primarily driven by consumer spending, i.e. normal people just buying and selling stuff to each other.
[5:50 PM] Me: This is why e.g. mass immigration isn't as huge a deal as a bunch of nativists like to think: immigrants get jobs, but they also spend money on goods and services just like anyone else: they generate labor demand as well as taking up supply
[5:51 PM] Me: But what I'm driving at here is that, again, a consumer-spending-driven economy with a falling population is going to get poorer pretty much by definition: fewer people buying stuff means fewer jobs to produce that stuff.
[5:54 PM] Me: Or to put another way, to use a ridiculously simplified model, GDP = Population X Productivity, and so if you take the derivative, then GDP' ~ Population' + Productivity'. So in a falling population environment, you need a lot of heavy lifting in terms of forever-increasing productivity in order for economic growth to be positive. And while there might be improvements down the pipe, frankly we kind of seem tapped out on productivity growth already
[5:55 PM] Me: Now, one possible response here is that we should work out how to have an economic system which delivers prosperity without endless growth, and I do agree we need that. But just saying that doesn't fix the problem that right now we don't have it and people will be poorer in a world without growth.
[5:56 PM] Me: And in such a world, I think it actually becomes harder to successfully transition to whatever post-scarcity economy can fix the problem, because people will be caught up in fighting over a shrinking pie.
[5:58 PM] Me: The neoliberal capitalist mindset of "a rising tide lifts all boats" isn't totally true and has been used to justify all kinds of nasty plutocratic behavior, but it isn't entirely false either. Without growth, at least in the system we have now, wealth distribution inherently becomes a zero-sum game. And that could get really ugly.
[5:59 PM] Me: So, that's most of what I have to say about why a falling population would be bad. But that's the easy part. Where this gets really complicated is why it's happening and what to do about it
[6:00 PM] Me: Now, I think one of the reasons I've been so fascinated by this is that it's been a pessimistic year, and falling birth rates are kind of the perfect pessimistic problem because I don't really see an easy way out. Also I'm just annoyed by partisans in general, and this is a perfect problem for that because it sort of frustrates partisans on all sides.
[6:02 PM] Me: e.g. the left mainly talks about the economic causes and proposes a variety of policy solutions, but an ugly little secret here is that government policy to increase birth rates has basically a perfect, unbroken track record of total failure
[6:03 PM] Me: All kinds of countries (mostly in Europe, but also in East Asia) have implemented all kinds of pro-natalist policies, and for the most part they have accomplished pretty much nothing. (Amusingly, this even goes back to antiquity: in the first couple centuries AD Roman Emperors were also concerned with falling birth rates, and implemented a variety of reforms that didn't do anything)
[6:03 PM] Me: You could always say they didn't go far enough, but at some point you're making an unfalsifiable hypothesis
[6:06 PM] Me: Meanwhile on the right, they're constantly talking about cultural factors, but this runs into two problems: it's again a set of mostly unfalsifiable hypotheses, but even worse since they're all tangled up in the Right's usual rants about The Way Things Ought to Be, but even if they turned out to be true, it seems like a hopeless cause because we basically have no levers to change culture.
[6:07 PM] Me: "Why does culture develop in the direction it does" is one of those huge questions I'm not sure we'll ever have a complete answer for, but I think it has to mostly involve technological determinism.
[6:08 PM] Me: https://www.sciphijournal.org/index.php/2017/11/12/why-the-culture-wins-an-appreciation-of-iain-m-banks/ <-- this is a great article explaining what I'm talking about, as well as explaining why you should read Iain Banks
[6:09 PM] Me: But my point here is that all the cultural changes the Right laments as causing people to have fewer children, assuming they're even correct which I am definitely not granting, are pretty much all products of industrialization. You can't roll them back without undoing the Industrial Revolution. At least not without an insane level of authoritarianism
[6:10 PM] Me: So on the policy side we have a bunch of levers which don't do anything, and on the culture side there are no levers at all.
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(This post was originally posted on my blog at https://thegreenwolf.com/its-okay-to-not-hustle/)
There’s this meme going around Facebook right now, saying “If you don’t come out of this quarantine with a new skill, your side hustle started, or more knowledge, you never lacked time. You lacked discipline.” Thankfully multiple people have already skewered it, but it continues to be shared around by the sort of person who is trying to one-up everyone else, or who’s just plain clueless–or, for that matter, just trying to guilt you into buying whatever they’re selling.
Now, there’s not a damned thing wrong with self-promotion. That’s how indie artists, authors, and other self-employed folks get the word out. You have to be able to talk good talk in order to get people’s attention. But leading with this meme? Guilting people for not leaping from sudden unemployment straight into the thick of the ever-shifting gig economy? That ain’t gonna fly, Brocephus.
You Have Good Reasons to Slack
Excuse me while I dust off my counseling psych degree a sec, here. *ahem* We are in a very sensitive, turbulent time right now. We’re in the middle of a pandemic, the likes of which hasn’t been seen in a century in the Western world. We are in a hugely traumatizing situation here. Not just for the financial losses, but the fact that COVID-19 has killed thousands of people and left many more with permanent lung damage. We still haven’t gotten a handle yet on exactly how contagious this thing is, how long you’re contagious for, or whether you’re immune once you’ve had it, assuming you survive. We don’t have adequate testing, emergency rooms estimate that for every positive test there are 10-20 people out there infected and untested, and everyone with a cough is suddenly Schroedinger’s COVID case. Governments worldwide are slow to react in spite of the rising death toll. People have had friends and family die horribly from this thing in a short period of time. Even people who didn’t already have issues with anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses are feeling stressed, strained and scared–and, yes, traumatized. This image is guilt-tripping people who are actively being traumatized.
So we’re already starting with a populace that is dealing with this collective trauma, as well as whatever personal trauma each individual is experiencing. Not always easy to seize the day when you’re going through that. And I can think of a few other reasons that might further complicate this whole “Just get a side gig!” thing:
–They’re a parent who suddenly has all their kids at home, all the time, demanding time and attention and food, AND they still have to work eight hours a day from home, or maybe even more if their S.O. is unemployed/sick/etc. By the way, if someone trots out Isaac Newton or William Shakespeare or some other historical guy who managed to do epic things during a pandemic, remember that they usually had wives or servants to do all the laundry and cooking and cleaning and (if applicable) childcare for them.
–They’re disabled or chronically ill, and don’t have the ability/energy/etc. to just go and make something happen, just like that. Imagine if you just randomly got the fatigue from a really bad flu, and you never knew whether it was going to last a day or a month. And if you tried exerting yourself when you were feeling better, chances are you’d slip back into fatigue-land. That’s what a lot of my chronically ill/etc. friends have to deal with, to say nothing of issues with accessibility of resources for starting a side gig.
–They don’t have any money for the supplies needed to start a side hustle, or the supplies have been hoarded by hobbyists preparing for a Pandemic Staycation.
–They don’t have the skills for something that just requires what they already have (like, for example, writing on a laptop you already happen to own). Often these skills are things that can’t be perfected in a few weeks at home, but may take years to develop before they’re really marketable–like, for example, the skill to make a decent living on side hustles.
–They have anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions that make it hard to function even in the best of times, but even moreso in this…well…mess. Even people who were mentally healthy before are going to be developing diagnosable anxiety and depression disorders before all’s said and done. And speaking from personal experience, those of us who look successful on the outside can still be internally hamstrung by these conditions at times.
–Plus there’s the fact that we’re not supposed to, you know, leave our homes, which narrows down the field of potential side gigs by a lot.
Even doing something less financially-wrought like learning a new skill or subject takes time, energy, and sometimes money, any or all of which may be scarce for the reasons above and more.
Comparison is the Thief of Joy
I am saying all of this as someone who is arguably an expert on the side gig. I have spent the past eight and a half years 100% self-employed (and a lot longer doing it part-time) as an author and artist, able to cover all my bills and expenses, and for a time I was the primary breadwinner of a multi-person household. I have like ten different things I was doing for a living before this all hit, a pretty diverse set of streams of income, even if most of them just up and evaporated in the past few weeks. And while I’m definitely a hell of a lot leaner now than I was a month ago, I still have my head above water for the moment. So I think I know side gigs.
I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m overall healthy. I have a dog who is a lot less demanding of my time than kids would be. I have my own space where I can focus more or less without interruption. More importantly, I have the skills, the knowhow, the drive and the personality to go out and seek new opportunities. And I’m used to fluctuations in income, though admittedly this one’s unprecedented. Don’t gauge yourself by where I am now. I’ve spent twenty-two years building up my art business, my first book came out in 2006, and I’ve had a series of really good opportunities come my way that I had the privilege to be able to make the most of. I am not your measuring stick, so don’t say “Well, if she can do it why can’t I? I must suck!”
If you’re feeling crappy because you aren’t hopping to it and carpeing the diem and getting everything done, here’s what I have to say to you: Look, you just had your world turned upside-down. Job loss, scarce commodities, sudden lack of outside childcare, restricted movement and inability to be around much of your support system, and did I mention a pandemic is happening, too? Any single one of those things would be difficult for just about anyone to deal with, never mind all at once. And I don’t even know what all else has already been going on in your life–unstable or unsafe living situation, other health issues, breakups and other losses, interpersonal conflicts. You know, normal life stuff.
You’re Not Lazy, or Screwing Up, or (Gods Forbid) Undisciplined
It is totally okay if all you’re doing right now is surviving. It’s okay if you feel like you’re drowning, overwhelmed by all that’s happening both on a global level and more personally. It’s okay if all you can manage right now is to get out of bed and stumble through each day a moment at a time, struggling with a tidal wave of emotions. It’s okay if you’re just trying to keep your kids busy, dealing with a crowded home every single day, or trying to keep COVID-19 at bay. It’s okay if, instead of firing up DuoLingo or opening an Etsy shop, you spend your evenings vegging to Netflix or reading a book or playing hours and hours of Animal Crossing.
Not every moment in your life has to be about being productive even in the best of circumstances, and that goes exponentially so right now. Be patient with yourself, and be kind. You may be one of those folks who literally has to spend all their time scrabbling to try to cover the bills or get some leeway from bill collectors, and you have to dedicate your waking time hunting for resources just to try to get through this week. Believe me, I feel for you, I have a lot of friends in that situation right now, and I hope all of you can find some relief and assistance.
May I suggest something? If you have the energy for something more than the bare essentials of getting by, put that energy toward self-care, whatever you can manage under the circumstances. You can use it to recuperate, to rebuild your emotional and physical resilience. That way if things get rough again in the future, you have more internal reserves to build on. If your usual methods don’t work or aren’t accessible due to lockdown, ask others what they’re doing to keep themselves grounded in this trying time.
Just because you have more time doesn’t mean you don’t have to throw yourself right into something productive! Don’t feel pressured to just go-go-go the moment you have a little freedom to move. If you do decide you want to try a side gig, or a new skill, or learn all about some specialized topic of interest, go for it! If you have the energy and attention and opportunity to pursue something new, it can be a great coping skill during this traumatic time. Just don’t pressure yourself; keep it fun.
One last thing: I want you to save the image I have at the top of this post. And then if you see someone post that meme, saying “Come on, you lazy bums, get up and make that side gig happen! Learn new stuff! Do all the things! No excuses!” you pull out this version, and you look at the edits, you remember that it’s okay to be where you are, and you get back to doing things at your own pace no matter what someone else says. (I find visualizing stapling a printout of the edited version to the offender’s forehead to also be therapeutic, but that may just be me.)
Hang in there, okay? It’s going to be a rough time, but you’re not alone, and what you’re feeling right now is shared by so many people. So just let yourself be where you are in this moment, and we’ll see what hope tomorrow brings. And remember that whatever you’re capable of in this moment: it’s enough.
Did you enjoy this post? Please consider supporting my work on Patreon, buying my books here on my website, buying my art and books on Etsy, or tipping me at Ko-fi!
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