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autopotion · 2 years

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what i played in 2021: ranked

just thought i would do a wrap up post of games i played this year and how i felt about them, since i like 1. making lists 2. ranking things and 3. talking about video games. i don't think i did one last year so i might do another retroactive one after this. categories are: games played to completion for the first time (could have been started in a different year); games started in this year for the first time; and games i've watched other people play (wife, friends). rankings are based on how much i liked them, not how objectively good they are. i will edit this list if i play something new in the next three days but i don't think i will lol

here are the lists if you don't want to read the long post

games beaten, ranked: the great ace attorney chronicles; transistor; deltarune chapter 2; final fantasy vii remake; sagebrush; aer: memories of old; donut county

games started, ranked: tactics ogre; vagrant story; echoes of the eye (outer wilds dlc); mass effect andromeda; cattails; divinity: original sin 2; baldur's gate: enhanced edition; coffee talk

games watched, ranked: paradise killer; little nightmares 1 & 2; the witness

PART 1: BEATEN

1. the great ace attorney chronicles. technically two games, but i'm counting them as one experience; the first game i also found to be slightly better than the second. i was on the edge of my seat pretty much the whole time. there were some frustrating mechanics and i hated van zieks, but the music was phenomenal and so was a vast majority of the cast, including some very memorable one-off side characters. loved the portrayal of "herlock sholmes" especially.

would i replay it: maybe, but only after several years have passed, so i forget most of the "puzzles." the nature of ace attorney games

2. transistor. unfortunately i did love this one. it has some pretty intense flaws (much like TGAAC tbh) but there was so much i loved about it... the setting, the music, the protagonists, the general mood. i struggled with the combat at first but now i really enjoy it, it takes a lot of mental energy but there's nothing else quite like it, they really managed to make a single protagonist action game feel turn-based lol.

would i replay it: i have literally already started new game+

3. deltarune chapter 2. objectively better than transistor just from a sheer storytelling perspective. toby fox has done it again. not much else to say that hasn't already been said, just reiterating suselle rocks, i would die for noelle, and for the love of god i just want to play the finished game already. biggest downside: too many minigames

would i replay it: i imagine so, but only probably when the next chapter(s) is/are released, like i did this year with ch1

4. final fantasy vii remake. started this one in 2020 but didn't finish it until like february this year? man there is so much i like about this game, but i hated how much it dragged. there was too much filler material and the combat began to feel incredibly slow and frustrating about 70% of the way through. really enjoyed the basic story though (not including some of the annoying window dressing) and how it's choosing to diverge from the original, i think that's the best choice. visually stunning but i hate that all the sexy girls have sameface. aerith carried this fucking game, she was the best part of it and they did such a good job with her when she's been butchered in almost every other non-og ffvii thing she's been in

would i replay it: i would replay all the aerith-centered chapters for sure, i don't think i would take it from start to finish though. if/when i get a ps5 i'll look into the dlc

5. sagebrush. steep drop off from the last game, now we're sort of in lukewarm territory. i did like sagebrush a lot though for a two hour video game about a topic that's been done to death (christian cults). i thought the twist about the protagonist was nice and expertly foreshadowed. the graphics were trying to emulate 90s ps1 & pc games, and it absolutely succeeded, i loved just walking around and viewing the scenery. much like transistor, i think the best part of the game was the mood. walking simulator, you're never in danger, but the graphics & soundtrack had me on edge the entire time. solid game to play on halloween

would i replay it: i played it on my sister's ps4, so eventually i want to play it on my own and get all the trophies (which is quite easy to do)

6. aer: memories of old. this one was just all right. the soft polygonal style was beautiful, and the soundtrack was pretty. i liked the peaceful, non-combat atmosphere. the world was huge and empty, but i was somewhat frustrated with the lack of things to do. it easily had the best flying mechanics of any game i've ever played. i just wanted to fly around and explore, but there wasn't much to actually do or see, and i was always disappointed when the game took me to a puzzle dungeon since the puzzles were easy and you couldn't fly while inside. no journal meant it was hard to keep track of the lore. constantly side-eyeing the use of the term "spirit animal"

would i replay it: i could see myself putting it on just to fly around in the world for a little while, but i don't think i would play the story through again

7. donut county. a game where the premise is "reverse katamari damacy." despite including some puzzle-based mechanics in most of the levels, i found it much easier than katamari. the levels were too short and i didn't care for the bizarre frame story that tried too hard to be deep, but i enjoyed the general gameplay. graphics were cute. i sort of wished this game was literally just all levels (more of them & longer) with some kind of impenetrable but very simple story (like katamari) or no story at all, like you're just making huge holes in the ground and that's it

would i replay it: i think now that i've beaten the game i have the option to replay levels? so i would make use of that. but i have no desire to play through the story again

PART 2: STARTED

1. tactics ogre: let us cling together. man i'm genuinely so mad i didn't finish the law route before the turn of the year but whatever. really interesting game, i LOVE the diverging story paths and what they do for the characters, i love seeing the bones of FFT inside it, i really enjoy (most of) the story. matsuno does an extremely good job of storytelling with limited space as usual (short, text-based scenes, little sprite guys). it's fucking hard though lol, even with the chariot system battles can be really tough. i really have to take my time with it; battles in FFT usually last me 15 minutes, 30 minutes tops, but in TO they average about an hour. and there are so many game mechanics i haven't even messed with yet, like crafting. difficult game with deep themes and a lot of charm

will i come back to it: i'm planning to continue picking my way through it over 2022, provided my psp doesn't finally melt. the goal would be to do law -> neutral -> chaos -> back to law -> coda, but that will take a lot of time, depending on how much side material i do

2. vagrant story. i've technically started & stopped this game like three times, but this year is the farthest i've gotten into it so i'm counting it lmao. just like tactics ogre (and all of matsuno's other games): difficult game with deep themes and a lot of charm. i LOVE the aesthetics especially, though the soundtrack is mostly meh for me. it takes so much of my mental energy to focus on it that i can usually only play it for one to two hours at a time. but it's really incredible the amount of genre-bending matsuno does with the story of this game, and how fucking good the "cinematography" is of these blocky ps1 guys. seriously i have yet to play another game where the characters have such memorable and theatrical body language

will i come back to it: yes i'm stubborn. the question is whether i'll restart from the beginning, or pick up from where i left off. i really want to do the second one, but if i wait too long i'm not gonna remember how to play the damn thing

3. echoes of the eye (outer wilds dlc). counting this as a game because it's literally like 2/3rds the size of outer wilds itself. really interesting dlc with a fantastic premise, wonderful music, and a good story... the problem is i'm too scared to actually play it. i keep setting up my approach and then being too frightened to follow through! at this point i know all the spoilers and could theoretically just complete the endgame, but i want to actually get the knowledge of how to do so in game before i just do it myself. sigh. i'll just keep white-water rafting, because that's incredibly fun

will i come back to it: ): i don't know. i want to beat it, but i think i might have too much anxiety now. it's exactly the same with the outer wilds base game... absolutely love it but can't complete it

4. mass effect andromeda. oh god i forgot i started this game in like february lol. fun fact i monster factory'd my first character and zoe and i named her "cunty rider," which the game then censored, rip. deeply flawed game, so hilarious it's so high on this list. fucked up animation, too big, bland story, etc. it was still kind of fun for a while though, sort of like how eating cotton candy is fun until you get sick

will i come back to it: maybe? i could see myself popping it in for another ten hours. i do really want to romance vetra. but it's not very good, there's a reason i stopped, i got soooo bored lol

5. cattails. stardew valley meets warrior cats. decent fun for a game i basically got for free (on sale + gift card). the little cat sprites are so fucking cute (not the talk sprites though, those are ungodly). it was enjoyable to spend a couple hours exploring, hunting prey, and gathering herbs, but minus the little kitty cats the game is kind of ugly. i'm mostly disappointed with how unimaginative it is, like... you're telling me wild cats would have stores? and you would have currency to exchange for goods? even warrior cats didn't have such nonsense smh. also the main premise, restoring the ancient temple in the center of the map, is so much like the central premise of restoring the community center in stardew valley that it feels almost like plagiarism LMAO.

will i come back to it: also a maybe. i might sink a few more hours into it if i feel like playing as a small gray cat again. i'll have to relearn how to hunt though which tbh when you're keeping track of your hunger meter was kind of a pain in the ass

6. divinity: original sin 2. i think i got maybe an hour or two into it before stopping? so i can't give a full review. but zoe and i were incredibly unimpressed with the designs of the women and i didn't care for the general humor of the game. i'm also very intimidated by crpgs; i've only played dragon age, which is crpg-lite (i don't think i've ever used the tactical cameras in any of the games). but i do want to give it a fair shot again eventually

will i come back to it: probably at some point, i'm always in the market for interesting roleplaying games

7. baldur's gate: enhanced edition. just like dos2 i literally only played the tutorial (in this case, not even the beginning of the game, just like, the actual non-story-related tutorial level). a crpg just like dos2 but even more impenetrable. i can't say whether i liked it or not, i was mostly flabbergasted by the spellbooks and somewhat annoyed by what voice acting was present

will i come back to it: maybe...?? i want to. but it is definitely intimidating ngl.

8. coffee talk. a cute visual novel where you run a coffee shop that is only open at night in the middle of urban fantasy seattle. decently cute premise that got weird fast when this elf and this succubus were complaining about their parents hating their relationship for cultural reasons, and i legitimately just turned the game off when there was that newspaper headline about orcs protesting that they've been unfairly targeted for a recent virus that emerged from africa. EXTREMELY bad taste. on a lesser note the latte art mechanic is completely inscrutable

will i come back to it: almost definitely not. the writing was subpar even without the fantastic racism

PART 3: WATCHED

1. paradise killer. combination open world game, mystery game, and visual novel. you're some kind of god/alien living in a hellish paradise with other gods/aliens, and then a murder is committed. vaporwave aesthetics with a fantastic soundtrack. i watched zoe play this one and it's easily one of the most unique games i've ever seen, it'll stick with me for some time. almost every single major character in the game is an absolutely godawful horrible person, which is very fun and almost necessary considering the nature of their paradise. it tries a lot of new stuff with the mystery conventions and the way the endgame trial works, in that you can accuse basically anybody of anything as long as you have the proof, and the game will not tell you if you did it right or wrong, you just live with your decisions. only part i haven't seen yet is the post-trial segment, we haven't played through the epilogue

would i play it myself: i hope to in a few years, after i've forgotten most of it. it was really fun watching zoe play it though, it's an excellent zoe game

2. little nightmares 1 & 2. i'm sort of ranking these in the same slot since i watched @organizationhimself play them one after the other, but just to be clear LN2 is VASTLY superior to LN1. the narrative is so much better, there is an extremely well done central emotional tie connecting you to the main characters, the setting is incredibly beautiful and eerie, the scares are (mostly) much scarier... LN2 improved upon literally every aspect of LN1. really fun experiences though, loved watching ax play them.

would i play them myself: i know how i am with scary games. absolutely not. so i'm extra glad i got to experience them with a friend instead

3. the witness. i watched zoe play some of this until she stopped playing in disgust. she said the puzzles were fun, but she couldn't take the sheer condescension dripping from its storytelling. the game is so clearly made by a guy who does not think highly of other video games and doesn't care to actually ask if the critiques he's making of the medium have already been critiqued in better, more interesting ways. idk why all these dumbasses think they can make "technology bad and make you stupid!1!!" stories using the medium of VIDEO GAMES and not think of the obvious problem with that

would i play it myself: god no. even if the overarching theme didn't suck ass, i don't usually like games that are mostly just puzzles

PART 4: MISC

did my "canon" playthroughs of DAO and DA2 this year, including all the DLC for the first time (hadn't ever played Mark of the Assassin, as well as a huge chunk of the DAO ones). started my canon run of DAI, but not feeling it r/n, since i'm hot off of playing it all through again for ax. we made a handsome dwarf named bingus and romanced dorian, one of the few remaining romances i hadn't completed yet myself

loved replaying final fantasy tactics: the war of the lions back in april/may. i've only played that version of FFT once, so it was fun to revisit, especially with zoe hooked this time. comparing the scripts of the WOTL translation, the PS1 translation, and the original japanese was extremely enjoyable. i used to replay FFT once a year. now i have too many video games i want to play to make that happen, so playing a version of FFT in 2021 felt like coming home, doubly so since i got to share it with my wife. rekindled my love for my most favorite game of all time

also i played through the first battle of the project triangle strategy demo earlier this year. the gameplay was fun, but oh man... i can tell this is going to be octopath traveler 2, re: bad storytelling. they're absolutely trying to do a tactics ogre thing with this "morality/liberty/utility" story routes business. while i found octopath charming, i'm a little more offended by PTS copying the FFT formula because i'm wayyyy more attached to FFT. apparently it's coming out in march 2022 so like three months from now and it will literally just be called "triangle strategy." ok.

#cr personal

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ouyangzizhensdad · 3 years

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Hey, feel free to ignore this, but I'd love to hear your grievances against Bridgerton? I saw some of the fashion posts you rbed, but I'm especially intrigued by the "fails on all aspects" parts? Thanks!

Hi there,

There is honestly so much that could be said and analysed in finer points but the short version of it is just that it is a bad story wrapped in the glitz of high production value but surprisingly little good technical execution despite all the money shoveled at it. Bridgerton is the type of show where the petty, mean side of me would delight in a detailed and cutthroat list of all of its flaws but for which I do not care enough to be actually invested in hating it. It’s just a thing to be puzzled and petty about: people think Bridgerton is good. Wild.

Now let me first say that I have no inherent problems with anachronistic creative choices, or the idea of a contemporary take on period dramas. After all, all period dramas are inevitably told through a contemporary lens, to different degrees. It’s also not like they were the first big production to do it either: has everyone just forgot about The Great Gatsby? or tumblr’s favourite Hamilton? I honestly think this kind of mixing already has so many cool outcomes when it comes to music (like this, this or this and this), I do believe we could get something really interesting out of creative anachronism in mainstream visual media. I’m also more forgiving with newer forms of experimentation, because sometimes new ideas need to be worked out before they reach their full potential. But the way Bridgerton does it.... so clearly lacks a clear creative vision and dedication to the concept imo that it makes it harder to excuse the ways it fails since the failures seem to originate from that lack of vision and dedication to storytelling. For instance, there is seemingly no logic as to when the diegetic music will be an instrumental cover of a contemporary song or not--which does not even broach the topic of how bad those ‘classical music’ arrangements for modern songs were? Honestly embarrassing how lazy those arrangements were: hire a good composer (or any at all), you cowards. And then the costumes... once again, a lack of internal logic seems to permeate the choices presented in addition to a lack of care in its execution: so many of the dresses are ill-fitted, the characterisation through the outfits were all over the place (like the mom who wore a silhouette that no one else wore and had no basis in any fashion of the era) and so many of the fabrics/jewellery looked the opposite of expensive (kind of looked like a lot of it was polyester and plastic tbh), which is sort of a problem when you are trying to sell the fantasy of "The lives of the rich and famous but make it regency” imo although I suppose a portion of the audience just doesn’t notice lmao. Honestly I find that a lot of ‘costume historians’ who made video essays on Bridgerton were too nice with the show, perhaps in order not to come off as seeming to hate the costumes on the basis of them not being historically accurate, and as a result were way too forgiving imo. And this lack of real creative vision is also something we see in the cinematography and direction which.... seems often confused about the way it wants to make things feel fantastical and ends up dropping the ball on the execution of these meant-to-be extravagant or over-the-top shots.

But, again, the cinematography is just... middling at best, made only worse by the editing which is just plain bad. I guess you’ll have to just take me on my word on this because I am not willing to do an autopsy of all I find off about it, but lord jesus mary and joseph it was painful to watch at certain moments.

Bridgerton is not the first show to do colourblind casting, although I’d say it deserves recognition for fucking it up for no reason at all. Like, sure there are criticisms to be had about how it remains still a very white story that falls into certain tropes wrt darker skin characters or the glaring lack of south asian representation considering what the contemporary UK looks like, etc. but what I’m gesturing at is the totally unnecessary but mind-boggling “royal love solved racism” twist we get in the, what, fourth episode? (Broey Deschannel covered the topic quite well imo) The audience would have accepted that there were no in-world explanation for the colourblind version of the already-made fantastical regency that had them dancing to Ariana Grande songs. The colourblindness, racism-free society would have just been another aspirational aspect. They literally did not need to do this.

Honestly I don’t feel like I need to get into why the story itself is not very good or well-executed since it feels very obvious. I won’t begrudge on principle the show for using well-worn tropes and common-to-the-point-of-farce character archetypes, but I have to object to the way it uses them and in the service of what story. And not to make myself in a plot-hole-ding kind of person-who-has-thoughts-about-media, but this is not a story that holds up well to scrutiny or logic, let’s say. And any type of social or political commentary it tried to include was dumb to the point of farce: the Feminist Character Who Wants to Read not Go Dance was just.... a masterclass in bad, embarrassing writing. I am surprised at how unlikeable and boring the vast majority of the characters were, but perhaps less surprised at how a series that planned on having multiple seasons already sold the twist of Lady Whistleblow’s identity at the end of the first season, for what seemed to be no narrative reason at all. That being said, I have to give credit where it’s due and acknowledge that there is a skill in being able to produce stories that get extremely popular and well-loved.

(Do I need to mention the performances? So many underwhelming or embarrassing performances. It’s hard to tell sometimes whether it’s the actors themselves or the directing that’s the issue, or a mixture of both, but.... oof).

I guess in the end Bridgerton’s biggest transgression is it sits for me in the uncomfortable middle where it is neither trashy or campy fun nor is it an interesting work of fiction. Differently put, it is simply neither good nor fun.

#cherryblossomshadow #long post #brine corner #i suppose #not mdzs

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piccolina-mina · 4 years

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Hi, im the anon wondering about which character is the favorite. Tbh i was just curious, but i understand how that could create drama 😅 my bad. Youre probably thinking im from the rnm fandom and you would be right. I had a hunch of which character it was, but i wasnt positive. I dont really see them playing favorites in terms of writing but that might just be because the favorite character is also my favorite character. I was curious as to your opinion but I understand if you dont wanna answer

I think narratively the show favors Michael. The writers openly discuss how much they love writing for him. He's everyone's favorite. He's Carina's favorite. He's a fan favorite. And that is fine.

But I do think there are some days when it's so blatant that it's a clear flaw on the part of those creating the narrative. There are many layers to this too, some more disconcerting then others, but I'll stick to the narrative.

The fact that I (and others I'm sure) don't actually have to mention his name and people automatically know sort of proves the point.

And it's not a slight against his character or the actor, and it's not to suggest that his storylines aren't enjoyable either. Case in point, personally, I think he and Alex are having the strongest personal arcs out of everyone this season.

But then, that isn't exactly surprising is it?

More often than not, I feel like it's Liz's story in name only, but consistent, deep, gritty, well thought out etc storytelling falls on Michael. I can see and feel all the time and energy dedicated to this specific character.

That's cool, but when you have an ensemble cast, the hope is that it's spread out a bit better. The first season is testing the waters. The second season gives you a better idea of how things are and will be now that there is a rhythm.

In the second season, Liz, our lead, has gotten lost and swallowed up in the plot. Jeanine is great and has some shining moments, but she doesn't exactly have her own personal story that isn't wrapped up in alien stuff. This is where it's frustrating that ... we don't spend a lot of time with the Ortechos, something they've attempted to rectify a bit this season, but it's still mostly unsuccessful.

This is where her arc with Rosa has not been as strong as it should be and got lost in Liz trying to bring Max back. This is where I repeatedly point out the lack of focus on her relationships outside of the pod squad. Her friendships with Maria and Alex suffer a great deal and honestly with Kyle as well.

This is where all things alien consume her, and she doesn't seemingly have a life or rather chooses to expend any focus to a life outside of the pod squad and their issues.

And this is where because of all her energy being put into such a narrow focus on solely alien issues often at the expense of every other facet of her life, she often feels decentralized from her own narrative.

But we have Michael, and I do think one of many reasons he's such a favorite is because of all the focus he gets and how well-rounded and developed he is compared to the others. I mean if that's the character everyone pours everything into ... then yeah, he would be the favorite, yeah?

He's fun to play with, the witty oneliners, the bad boy with a heart of gold, the misunderstood tragic not a hero but really a hero, the lovable jackass, the endearing "screwup" so on and so forth. He's wrapped up in a bow, the catnip of all the most endearing tropes.

And they love peeling back layers for him and developing him and expanding on his background and characterization carefully and thoughtfully.

And that's awesome and enjoyable even, but when you have an ensemble cast and it doesn't begin to be spread about evenly, then it's a reasonable nitpick.

I feel like we have a better grasp on his past than any other character. He naturally was the one who wanted to go back home, but almost all of the past alien history and folklore has essentially centered him or involved him more so than Isobel and Max.

He's the one who heads to and finds out about Caulfield. He's the one who sees his mother and where the aliens were held. He's the one who watches her die in front of him. He's the one who continued to be tied into that plot while they hand waved why Max and Isobel weren't interested in learning more when they dropped enough breadcrumbs to support why they should be.

Until this season, until very recently with Isobel, everything related to their origins fell on him, he is the face of the pod squad being invested in finding out about their history. It then ties in with his tragic backstory as the foster kid who never had nor felt "home."

By spending a season and a half essentially centering him alone in a narrative that should involve all of them, it seemingly made it his plot. And that's BEFORE we even get to these recent revelations with Sanders and this implication that Michael was "the special one" not Max (which the mere idea of a special one at all was not and has not been something I particularly care to subscribe to in the first place), so it's doubling down and solidifying something they didn't need to emphasize this much.

The alien past has always felt like Michael's story and Max and Isobel are just hitching a ride. The many ways it was only tied to Michael makes it that way. It was Michael that Jesse had a file on.

It's Michael whose first love is a product of the Manes Project Shepherd element. It's Michael who gets that conflict with Alex.

The Valentis have just as much ties to that as the Manes and yet that angle is barely explored or used to add an extra layer to the tension between Max and Kyle for example.

It was just barely used to flesh out Kyle during the first season, and then seemingly dropped altogether this season when he should have just as much claim in this narrative as all three pod squad members and Alex.

Ironically, this is a big disservice to Isobel. And this is where this exclusive focus on pouring so much into one character comes at the expense of others.

Isobel, people like her and all, but when I look at the actual narrative and her place in it, if not for the fact that she's an alien, she's not a character with much purpose, and that's a huge problem.

Because narratively, outside of being used as a victim, they honest to goodness don't know what to do with her. They barely invested enough in her character to give her a fully formed, consistent personality. There's no real pull there. And as the only female alien, they could have done so much more beyond being a vessel for Noah and an abortion storyline where the only point was to make a statement about women and reproductive rights that didn't land as intended because of Isobel's privileges and access.

Max benefits from being the co-lead and being part of the primary love story. And then of course there is the eternal and patently unfair and imbalanced fraternal angst that ALSO is more often than not used to serve Michael's storyline and development.

It's about Michael working through his resentment. It's about Michael's abandonment issues. It's about Michael's battle with self worth. And 2.05 was about Michael realizing how much his brother always loved him. And him growing from that realization. And him saving his brother.

Just like now, it's about Michael protecting Max and "suffering" for it. It's about Michael being a dark horse martyr and sin eater for his siblings after taking the blame for killing the girls from Isobel and now damning himself to a screwed up life on Max's behalf.

The weight of the revelations geared toward Michael. The Sanders connection was significant and that was ushered in through his connection to Michael.

In the same vein we found out Michelle Valenti has what should be an equally as impactful and longstanding connection with Max ... but did it carry the same weight as Michael and Sanders at all even though those respective relationships have run neck in neck throughout the series? No.

We know Maria was sidelined all first season. This season most of what they've given us feels performative to address the concerns people had because of how things are handled ... with her splitting redundant narratives with side characters, having things happen offscreen, or shuffled to a side, or left on the editing floor.

And her biggest relationship all season is? Michael.

Kyle is getting sidelined this season. There's so much we don't know and could about him. His love interest storyline also feels performative and perfunctory... they didn't invest in it at all. It was like going through the motions.

Rosa's storyline hasn't exactly taken off as you'd have expected given the circumstances. And they just jumped around with key and crucial character building and meaningful moments with that too. They sailed right on past the Maria and Arturo reveals without letting them breathe. Almost like they just didn't have any strong interest in doing much outside of hitting the necessary notes: tell Maria, reunion with Arturo, save Max, overdose.

Liz's core relationships are all over the place. Maria, Arturo, Rosa, Alex, Kyle ... not enough investment in them. Not enough digging deep into them. Not enough exploration. While Max was gone most of the season. And she worked with and provided support to Michael and Isobel, hung out with Cam, but continuously neglects the aforementioned others who should matter.

But Michael's core relationships have layers and stay intact ( Max, Isobel, Alex, and Maria) and he gets substance with other ones ... Kyle ... Sanders ...

So yeah, nothing wrong with having favorites. And if that person is your favorite then maybe it's easier not to care or think too hard about it or whatever.

But the reason I dislike when you can tell when one character is a favorite is because of how it affects the narrative overall.

It seriously impacts the storytelling. It's like writing entire chunks around a character and this specific position you want them instead of writing the story and weaving in the character.

It can take me out of a piece when I can tell the objective is to get to a precise moment with a specific character. When I can tell that some of the writing is obligatory and then "the real fun" happens with X.

It's like stuffing your face with all of your vegetables because you have to in order to get to that ice cream Sundae. Like "if I get through A-W then my reward will be Z."

This is me coming from an objective viewpoint because I can separate when analyzing. I have actually enjoyed Michael a lot this season. He and Alex have had the best character growth this season, in my opinion, and I really love that.

But this is also a glaring issue, and I hate when favoritism bleeds into a series, especially an ensemble cast when it leads to issues with the storytelling.

And despite my enjoyment, that's what I feel is happening here a lot.

It certainly isn't the first and only show I've noticed this with. And yeah, I've even made these same observations and criticisms when it's my favorite character too.

It's the same on another series I watch with one of my favorite characters, and it's so frustrating except in that case, it's a character who can do no wrong even when they're wrong, and ... that's a whole other discussion.

But yeah. I don't expect agreement with this. It's probably one of those unpopular opinions or hot takes that can definitely bug people, especially those whose favorite character is Michael.

But this is my observation and why I feel that like him or not, storytelling suffers, is predictable, or underwhelming, or annoying, or jarring when you can sense the obsession and favoritism.

#it's late so that may not be a comprehensive response #anyway ... I'm not here for another round of fandom fkery so if drama is what you want to start go elsewhere #rnm discourse #rnm asks

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toxicpineapple · 4 years

Note

Please give me your amami essay, I'd like to know the TEA! I was also gonna ask for the mastermind essay, but honestly I REALLY wanna hear your thoughts on his characterization (and your thoughts on his shitty fanon characterization)

HOOO BOY OKAY. this is good, it gives me an excuse to procrastinate on reading that new amasai fic on the latest feed. (note that i REALLY WANT TO READ IT, i’m just anticipating commenting and tbh the spoons,,, i lack them. it’s okay though i’ll get over it.)

so!!! let’s start with general attitude, because i think that amami’s is really unique. he’s a subversive character. in general i feel like that was the biggest goal with his character design and personality combination-- he looks like a total playboy, kaede even comments as much moooore than once. but he’s the absolute opposite. i’ll rant about that in a bit. i’ve already gone off on a tangent and i said i was gonna talk about attitude.

amami is laid back, but not to the point of complacency. y’know what i mean? like, he’s relaxed, but he’s on his guard, too. his speaking style is pretty casual (typically he’ll greet people with a “hey,” whenever he’s slightly uncomfortable he’ll probably say “haha”... this isn’t necessarily a canon thing but i like it when people have him talking in sentence fragments. ex. “forgot to grab my jacket” or “wanted to get a snack” sort of thing) and that’s just,,, the type of person he is. he’s casual. it’s remarkable considering how wealthy amami is-- though bear in mind, he still IS wealthy, so there are bound to be things he doesn’t understand about people-- that he can be so normal and like, down to earth, in a way. when people mess around with him he’ll probably just laugh it off.

to cite a fic i read once that had REALLY phenomenal characterisation, imo, ouma ends up dumping a bucket of water on amami’s head (on accident; there are some semantics and i won’t get into it but again the fic is really good and funny and you should totally read it) and amami just squeezes out his shirt and makes a couple cracks before walking away. (sorry this isn’t meant to be a “dumping love on fics” post but GOD that fic is hysterical.) he’s an enabler too, at least i think so-- remember that anthology chapter where kaede, shuichi, and kaito are trying to catch ouma and kaito sets an “amami trap” to stop him? all ouma has to do is flutter his eyelashes and go “pleeeaaase let me go amam~niichan!” and then he just. he does. what a fucking doormat i can’t believe him.

he’s like that though. i feel like big brother stuff is kind of his weakness. (and not in a kinky way alright i will destroy you. he might make a joke about having a sister complex in one of his ftes but he DOESNT that joke was just tasteless COME ON RANTARO WHFKLDSJFK) which brings me to his whole older brother thing, because like,,, YEAH. guy grew up with twelve younger sisters!!! and he remarked in his ftes with shuichi that they’re mostly step sisters, which means he just.... has a nurturing personality. i mean amami is somewhat conservative (if you try to come on to him during salmon mode you will be brutally rebuffed; amami tells u to keep your horny thoughts to yourself, though you shouldn’t be ashamed of having them) so i imagine he’s not the biggest fan of his father’s tendencies-- not that i don’t NECESSARILY interpret his father’s behaviour as him sleeping around.... it’s possible he just likes children and deliberately marries women who already have kids so he can take them... i mean it’s exceedingly decent to keep considering ur step children to be your children after a divorce so i have a hard time reconciling this common image of rantaro’s dad as some kind of player figure with the impression i got of him in my head but that’s just my daddy issues coming into play again so ignore me-- and yet he still considers all his sisters to be his sisters.

not to mention he feels a great deal of like, responsibility, when it comes to taking care of them. i find it impossible to believe that all the losses were his fault. you could ARGUE that the one he tells you about with his younger sister was to be blamed on him? but i mean, amami is a child. he didn’t even know his sister was following him out. sure he blames himself for it but there’s no real good way to blame him just considering that,,, he’s a kid. and he was so young-- he was obviously so young-- when it happened. so like, not to be all Good and Bad on you, but i do feel that amami is fundamentally a good reason. and you SEE that too, in the killing game. i’m certain he was on the fence about trusting that note he woke up with. would you trust it? he had no memory whatsoever of writing it, all he had were the words “ultimate hunt” and a map of the school to guide his way. i imagine he wasn’t even sure if he should do what the note said. but then ryoma started talking about sacrificing himself for everyone else, and rantaro probably thought, “well... if i have a way to get us out of here, even if it doesn’t work, i can’t just let ryoma sacrifice himself without having tried.”

rantaro is self-reliant too, i think. in the talent development plan mukuro remarks that she noticed he was injured a good number of times, but never said anything about it because she felt like he was trying to keep it under wraps. (note: good idea for an amami and mukuro friendship fic. must write. someone remind me.) i think amami kind of feels isolated from his classmates? either because he has these perceived notions of like, independence and whatever, not burdening anybody else with his problems (honestly not to go chabashira on main but wtf men ask for help c’mon i promise if you find a person who’s worth being in ur life they won’t treat you like shit for feeling ur feelings) or just because he’s not around a lot. i think amami is the type of person to invalidate his own problems a lot, or at least downplay them to others. he blames himself for all his sisters going missing, took the responsibility to find them all. you know the blow that’s going to be to his education? traveling around the world looking for twelve different people? and he plans to keep doing that!!! forever!!! ugh ;-; poor babey. but anyway i feel like he doesn’t want to tell anybody about his problems because he feels like it’s his thing to deal with.

i also believe that rantaro is a bit prideful. i mean, anyone can be prideful under the correct circumstances, and in fact there is a great deal of pride that simply isn’t addressed by the fandom in analysing characters and that makes me really sad because pride is such a SEXY character flaw but i’ll leave that alone for now. he hates being told to give up on what he’s doing. i mean everyone in his life has been telling him to stop looking for his sisters. that’s got to suck, but also, DAMN look at what his reaction was. this utter refusal to open up to anybody. shuichi’s ftes with him are spent pretty much just trying to get amami to stop squirreling around and actually TALK to him. amami asks shuichi at one point if he has any siblings and when the response is negative, amami immediately assumes that shuichi wouldn’t understand, would tell him to quit. just like everyone else.

(i mean, even with kiyo and mukuro, whose circumstances mirror his almost painfully at least in willingness to sacrifice stuff for their siblings, he doesn’t tell them what he’s doing, just that he’s doing it for his sister-- singular-- and that he would do anything for her. kiyo and mukuro!! out of ANYBODY, they would understand. in tdp they DO talk about it-- kiyo encourages him to keep searching-- as his friend...... fuck amaguji is such a good ship even if the implications of kiyo saying he wants to meet rantaro’s sister after he finds her bc she must be suuuuch a good person if he’s doing all this for her are uhhh not great-- and mukuro immediately understands when he says it’s to do with his younger sister. like, full stop. she just goes “okay” and goes serious. all at once. damn rantaro, mukuro, and kiyo really do be a power trio huh. i need to write more fic about them i miss them.)

this is more into baseless conjecture so take this as you will, but i also think rantaro is kind of,,, easily distracted lmao. he mentions helping out a village with a disease-- been a while since i’ve seen his ftes, sorry for any inconsistencies-- among other shit and like... bro what are you DOING. you have sisters to find. and he can’t be getting injured all the time, getting wrapped up with gang violence and all that, looking for people who were lost traveling. i mean sure, you could say they went all over the world and got wrapped up in all sorts of mess, but more likely they stayed in roughly the same area, waiting for him to come back. and also? i have a hard time believing his sisters were lost in these remote forest places people always put them. COME ON, who the fuck goes to some village for a vacation? a RICH person no less. i’m on another tangent. sorry. but yeah, i love the people who write rantaro as an absolute airhead. i headcanon that he has no way of judging the passing of time and thus is the absolute worst in the bathroom bc he sits there for twenty minutes thinking about the universe and then walks out like “:) ok ready to go” like wtf are you even doing there stupid akljdf anyway.

i think rantaro is softhearted and thoughtful. in his ftes with kaede he demonstrates an ability to look past what people show at surface level-- you can ask him about miu, kiibo, or kiyo and he’ll give u Good Fucking Insight(tm)-- and analyse their intentions more closely. and i mean this is just from a couple day’s interaction. he’s down to earth for sure, understanding when people are intimidated but also caring and observant. (his “talk about a first impression” line is so fuckaindgf.... good for his characterisation. i love romantic amamatsu but he so clearly takes an older brother role in those ftes, he’s really such a sweetheart,,,, hnadhfkj ;w;) rantaro is just. he’s patient with people. and selfless and kind. idk it’s all the good stuff. warm smiles and indulgence. all the way. probably lets kokichi steal his lunch.

THAT BEING SAID: i think rantaro also has a very serious streak. he doesn’t show it a lot but there are moments. he’s self-sacrificing-- i mean, obviously. he was the ultimate survivor, after all. some people hc that he got there by killing, or maybe everyone else in his game died but one person, but bro that doesn’t make any sense???? no. what happened was there were probably like three people left, and monokuma was like “one has to be sacrificed” and rantaro thought, welp. it’ll be me then. and i wouldn’t say the choice would be immediate because rantaro DOES has self preservation instincts-- he’s only human-- but i don’t think he’d have let anybody else make that decision. i think ultimately he would try to protect other people.

he can be scarily confrontational too. i do believe he’d usually only do it in the defense of others-- like, his base instinct is to protect. i read a fic once (oumami, unfortunately) where ouma was committing crimes and went to hide behind rantaro and rantaro instinctively moved to protect him, and that’s.... that’s good characterisation. point one to the oumami stans, point zero to me. motherfucker. (love u oumami stans, it’s just not my thing.) i really like it in fics when he’s stern, lecturing people for hurting other people, but i also think rantaro is too understanding to be truly unforgiving. like if two people got into an argument and one came out of it more hurt than the other, i don’t believe that amami would be unsympathetic to the less hurt one. i think he’s mature enough to take a look at the situation and go, well, okay.

i think he’d be TERRIFYING when angry. he’s patient, y’know? so it takes a lot to get him to that point. he’s really, ah, accommodating of people. puts up with a lot of bs kind of thing. but i imagine the best way to get him to snap is by hurting someone he cares about. and at that point: ur fucked. i’ve never written it before because i’m terrified of what i’d do with that kind of power but.... imagine the shuichi whump. holy god.

i’m NOT here to talk about shuichi whump (though i’m down to do that any time of day believe me) so i’m gonna like. shhhhiiiiiiffft.

i project on characters a lot so at this point it’s difficult to distinguish if some of my characterisation things are like, actually characterisation things? or just me venting, so like, take nothing i say as canon, but also,,, akdsjf we love a man who bottles up his emotions.

because rantaro just doesn’t have the TIME to be crying all over the place. he was probably a total wreck when he lost his first sister. and his second. and maybe even his third. but then he started to gather his composure, more and more. because if there’s anything that rantaro has in excess, it’s composure. the more losses he suffers the more of a shield he builds up. and the self hatred and the guilt and the blame and the responsibility are piling up and up and up, but god he hates it when other people see him sad, because he needs to be the strong one, he can’t just pile that up on other people. that’s not their weight to carry, and besides, he’s the older brother, he should be able to deal with his own problems. he’d just be burdening the people he cares about by letting them see his demons.

and then he doesn’t have any coping mechanisms because he never lets himself feel enough to cope, and when people get close enough to actually CARE about him, when people notice he’s upset or struggling and offer him help, he doesn’t know how to deal with it-- and god he hates lashing out at people but it’s so much easier to deal with the consequences of being mean than the consequences of breaking down. only conflict is scary when he’s one of the causes so he needs time to recover, and well, what better way to do that than to get on a plane or a boat and go look for his sisters? after all he’s wasting time whenever he’s just sitting around, they’re still out there and he needs to find them, so might as well just keep pushing himself to the limits, because it’s his fault they’re lost anyway...

something mukuro said to rantaro in the talent development plan stuck in my brain. like, initially it’s just a funny and cute interaction (rantaro even blushes and a blushing rantaro is a GOOD FUCKING RANTARO) but when i thought about it more i was like.... huh. hm. angst ideas. mukuro makes a joke about rantaro going over to her stand at the festival to flirt with her-- i think that’s the context, i know it’s play-boy related-- and rantaro assures her (as he always does) that he’s not that kind of guy, and mukuro agrees, saying she was just pulling his leg and that he seems like the kind of person who gets dumped because he doesn’t show his emotions enough. rantaro laughs, blushes, and says “haha, not touching that one,” and akdjfnnnnnn god mukuro you’re so blunt i love you fkdjf but wow. i usually have rantaro as not having dated anyone, just because i feel like he kind of hyperfocuses on finding his sisters? and given that he’s like sixteen (seventeen at the MOST) there’s not much of a timeline for when his sisters got lost. in my fic search i had to cram all the losses into a four-year period and damn that was rough. anyway i just don’t think he’d really prioritise romance. but that reaction implies that that’s EXACTLY his experience with romance, which makes a bit of sense because mukuro is ridiculously sharp, and also it’s,, it’s just sad idk poor rantaro. getting dumped because he’s like the emotional equivalent of a doorknob when it comes to his own feelings.

i do think rantaro is a bit cowardly. not in the sense that he’d shy away from danger-- i think he’d RUSH INTO IT HEAD FIRST because he’s a man or whatever, i know he respects women but he does seem to hold some of those very stereotypically masculine ideals of constantly protecting those around him, which is like.... ok toxic masculinity mcgee can u and kaito stop throwing hands every time u see each other ty-- but more in the sense that he avoids,,, confrontation. emotional confrontation just ain’t his thing. and i think he’d rather run away from it or otherwise find some way of ignoring it than try to address his problems.

he would, with that in mind, probably try to associate with people who don’t push the matter. kiyo and mukuro, for example. they both have a fair amount of baggage themselves so they’d probably be respectful. ryoma is lowkey enough that he just, he wouldn’t bring that shit up, that’s uncool. i also think rantaro would get along REALLY WELL with kaito, and i actually don’t think kaito would pull his sidekick stuff with him? just because in a way they’re kind of kindred spirits, and i think kaito would see an ally in rantaro before seeing someone to try to nurture, so they’d probably have some kind of a truce like, if you don’t force me to be vulnerable, i won’t force you. one of the reasons why i love amamota so much is because it involves the two of them growing to care about each other beyond that sort of unhealthy camaraderie and breaking down each other’s barriers and i just..... hhnnfhhdkfj they could be so good for each other but nobody wants to talk about thatjslfkj

you weren’t asking for my amamota mess lmao sorry anon i get sidetracked SO easily. but yeah, amami gravitates towards people who wouldn’t try to get him to be more honest with himself. and i honestly think the v3 cast would be pretty good about that overall, except for shuichi who is a detective and has a habit of sticking his nose in places it shouldn’t be, but i see no reason to write that out because amami’s ftes already display that beautifully. (well, that’s a lie, i’m absolutely plotting out a slowburn in my head already that involves shuichi stripping down his walls one by one, but forget about all of that rn we don’t need to talk about why amasaimota is my ot3.) also he is softer on childish people like ouma and himiko. ain’t nobody wants to TALK TO ME about how brilliant it would be if rantaro and hiyoko were friends because hiyoko has such problems in that department and he would take one look at her and go hm. i’m adopting her. and he’s so fucking patient and nice and she’d lose the will to make fun of him and i have to do ALL THE GODDAMN WORK AROUND HERE but it’s fine. at least i get to write it.

i’ve described the fundamentals of his characterisation pretty well by now i think. i have some throwaway headcanons, like uhh,,

he’s claustrophobic

plays the guitar and the ukulele

he prefers warm weather and perishes in the cold

high pain tolerance

he’s a Good Cook

doesn’t like sex jokes (they make him uncomfortable)

asexual (i do like a good demisexual hc at all times of day tho)

master of piggyback rides

does his own piercings

impulsive as hell

gets lost easily but can always find his way back

has a lot of scars from travels

hands are rough and calloused (again from travels)

morning person

smells like evergreen (you know i had to, you know i did)

Radiates Heat Like A Fucking Toaster Oven

good hugs

hates tying his shoelaces

likes being the big spoon :)

has a tongue piercing

i said “some throwaway headcanons” but i ended up listing way more than i mean to. i’ll make a separate list of my rantaro headcanons someday and talk about them all in detail but for now, uh, there’s that.

SO AS FOR THE RANTARO CHARACTERISATIONS I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE:

god where to fucking begin. actually i know exactly where to begin. it’s my least favourite one just because, like i said at the very beginning, rantaro is a subversive character. i mean i think he’s kind of a low hanging fruit when it comes to that. there are plenty of other subversive characters in the dr series but rantaro is like that. you expect a flirt and u get,,, a sweetheart. but then some people (usually the ones who ship him with female characters exclusively though i will see it on occasion in an amasai or oumami fic) decide to throw that out the window and make him a total playboy!! and listen, i have no problem with people who are a little flirty. we’re kids!! flirt ur heart out!!! and hey, that’s not what this is about but y’know what? so long as everything is safe, sane, and consensual, then yeah!! exercise your sexual freedom and sleep with whoever you want to!!! i don’t think there’s anything wrong with messing around a little, dating who u wanna and experimenting with ur tastes and preferences. if rantaro WAS a playboy, then there would be nothing wrong with that. i would love him just the same because he’s such a fundamentally GOOD character.

except that.... he’s.......... NOT. you slaughter one of the biggest aspects of his character by throwing away what matters to him and making him some hunky-deep-voice-dreamboat dude meant to sweep kaede/tsumugi/whomsteverthefuck off her feet. rantaro is one of those characters where he’s so blatantly not that kind of person, and it’s like. it’s an affront, almost, to portray him that way? and i do believe you should have the freedom to write what you want, since we’re in that age (aside from romanticised pedophilia and incest; that shit ain’t cute, i say this often but pro-ship DNI) where u should be able to take some liberties, but it’s just. hnnn. it’s so frustrating. rantaro does not know how to smolder! if he DID smolder, he wouldn’t even realise he was doing it. he doesn’t have people lying at his feet, okay? he’s too flaky for that. i wouldn’t say he’s unreliable but he definitely ain’t at school as much as he should be.

another one that i hate: st-stalker? what the fuck? that is not sexy that is creepy and weird?

another another one that i hate: yandere? what the FUCK??? that is not sexy that is glorified ABUSE???? the yandere trope is AWFUL bc you’re taking a controlling relationship and turning it into a fetish. NO. if he limits ur contact with other people, if he follows u everywhere, if he threatens ur loved ones, if he tries to control you, ladies and gents and nonbinaries, he’s not a yandere, he’s an abuser and you need a fucking restraining order. actually, people of ANY gender or sex can perpetuate this behaviour and IT IS NOT CUTE. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT BOUNDARIES U SET IN PLACE, IF YOUR FREEDOM IS BEING RESTRICTED THAT IS ABUSE.

hate it when people make rantaro violent. hate it when people make rantaro a murderer. hate it when people make rantaro controlling. hate it when people make rantaro overtly sexual. some kind of sultry deep voice dominant kind of figure. dude, what the fuck? i don’t,, want to make any public comments about sex positions because i think that’s kind of Strange to just talk about on a post, but i do think that the way people portray him for their smuts is,,, idk it’s weird. i’m not gonna kinkshame u but like. :eyes:

i will however accept rantaro as a thrillseeker, or a highstrung rich boy, or a total space cadet, or a himbo, or a cryptid. these are all very good interpretations of the Mans. just, like. be wary of making him two dimensional. a good character is multifaceted. if you can take a trait that clashes with all of these and SELL ME ON IT, i will buy it. if u give me good justifications, or even just good writing?? then i will accept it.

the long and the short of it is, anon, he’s my favourite so i think about him a lot. i love writing rantaro. he’s just, he’s a Guy. y’know? He’s A Good Dude, If You’ll Give Him A Shot. :) we don’t get to see very much of him but i think that there’s plenty of material if you overanalyse everything, which, as you probably all know by now,,,, i absolutely do.

thank you for the ask, this was a delight to spend an hour talking about.

#amami rantaro #rantaro amami #abuse mention #long post

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mego42 · 4 years

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1x07 Discussion Questions

My b! My b! I usually try to do these when the episode is fresh but instead I went to sleep, I am at peace with my priorities, tbh. As always, many thanks to @pynkhues for her time and energy putting these together and shout out to @foxmagpie for the assist.

1. What was your favourite scene of the episode? Tell us why!

Lot of contenders, tbh. I really love the scene with Mary Pat when she puts together the (extremely transparent) bullshit that is the whole secret shopper scheme (I mean come on y’all, did you even try????), I love Ruby and Stan’s date (high five to Stan for coming through with my parks & rec reference, it’s nice to know there is one (1) man I can count on). The Annie and Greg bit is REALLY SWEET LEAVE ME ALONE. The god tier brio content, specifically The Grab Heard Round The World My Living Room and the Give Me A Name bit. Some classic Rio nonsense (do you think if we asked him to point to an egg he’d point to an apple?) Tyler and his “reeeeeeally fill out the surveys?” was, obvs, the best moment on the entire show. Anyway, one of those for sure.

2. Was there any scene that missed the mark for you? And if so, how?

The Boomer setting up Annie stuff always falls flat to me and idk exactly why? Like, individual pieces of it are great, Mae does EXCELLENT work post police station and when getting arrested in the first place but ultimately I find it fairly forgettable in the grand scheme of things.

3. Let’s talk about the secret shopper scheme! What do you think were the strengths of it? The flaws? Do you think it had longterm potential? Or was it always going to crash and burn?

I said this during the rewatch but I straight up blocked out the fact that all of the shoppers are hitting the same store on the same day (waving around upwards of $5k in cash???? no less???????) because my brain cannot comprehend how three women we’re supposed to believe are reasonably intelligent didn’t realize this was the stupidest, most transparently obvious, most short-sighted scheme in the entire world.

I struggled with the sustainability of it a bit when I thought they were spreading their efforts around (they roped in A Lot of people, there are only so many Costcos in the Detroit metro area and waving around that much cash and then returning it all, again for cash, is uh, already p memorable) but I could deal with it when I thought they were spreading it around. Short-sighted, immediate solutions are a cornerstone of Beth’s brand, after all, but all of them at the same store at the same day???? Too much. I cannot.

4. The girls spent their money in very different ways! Ruby on romancing Stan, Annie on clothes for her son, and Beth on jewellery for herself. What do you think this tells us about them and their arcs? Particularly coming off the back of Ruby’s conflict with Stan, Ben’s issues at school with clothes, and Beth leaving Rio her pearls?

Love these connects. The show’s got a pretty clearly defined and consistent visual/character motifs (this may or may not be the word I’m looking for, shut up) when it comes to depicting the girls priorities and motivations. You also see it reflected and reinforced with their repeated coping mechanisms throughout the show. Whenever bad stuff happens, Ruby goes home to Stan, Annie crawls into bed with Ben and we usually close with Beth either alone (ouch david) or connecting with Rio in some way (exhibit a: the aforementioned pearls).

In all of the instances it comes back to the heart of their priorities:

Stan is Ruby’s number one, (which isn’t to say her kids aren’t a part of that, I think Stan is both himself in this sense while also representing her whole Hill family unit—TV is all about visual shorthand kids—but also it serves to illustrate that Ruby has something Beth and Annie do not: a true partner).

Ben is at the root of everything Annie does, she makes choices based on not only his. well-being, but how he sees her and he has the most influence over how she sees herself and what actions she takes as a result of that.

Beth, on the other hand, is at a contrasting point. She’s done the devoted partner and mother thing (lowkey implied by the little bits and pieces we get of her and Annie’s childhoods to some degree more or less for her entire life) and is now putting herself first, her needs, her wants. Which isn’t to say she doesn’t give a fuck about her family, she waits until she’s got a fat stack of cash and they’re taken care of before splurging on a thing, but as a symbol I think the necklace pretty clearly illuminates that for whatever Beth tells herself, she’s building an empire for herself, bc she wants it, needing it is secondary.

5. Eddie’s arrest is arguably what sets us on a collision course with the finale! Do you think Eddie was loyal to Rio until the end? How much do you think he told Turner? And what sort of loyalty do you think Rio inspires in his boys? And why doesn’t it translate with the girls?

OF COURSE EDDIE WAS LOYAL TO THE END HE HAS CLEARLY DEMONSTRATED HE HAS SOME KIND OF CODE OF HONOR HOW DARE YOU SLANDER MY BOY LIKE THAT.

Tbh idk how to answer the loyalty question without more information from canon because the gang and how they operate, how they all came together, etc is pretty well shrouded in not-central-narrative-focus, though I think it’s been implied somewhat heavily that what’s going on with the girls is not standard operating procedure.

My personal headcanon for Eddie is tied up in my personal backstory for Rio and Mick that I started for my (lmao first) Mick POV fic. I gave Rio and Mick a friends since we were kids backstory and decided Eddie was a kid in their neighborhood, slightly younger then them, and always looked up to them/followed them around/thought they were cool. He ultimately got involved in crime because they did and they looked out for him and brought him up with them (which, you know, makes how it all turns out that much more tragic). Obvs, this is all just me and my tendency to imprint on random side characters and give them backstories. Let me live.

6. This episode introduces us to Mary Pat, who’s probably one of this show’s most complicated antagonists! What do you think of her generally? And could you have predicted her arc with Boomer and Turner?

I love her and I’m done lying to myself about it.

LISTEN, first off, Allison Tolman is great. Her line delivery is fantastic, she has a knack for subtly adding SO MUCH to every scene she’s in and uses her face and inflection and pauses exquisitely. Top notch comedic timing. Truly a gem.

Second, on a character level, the lady is in a bad spot and the girls basically gift-wrapped the circumstances and handed them to her like here is a present!!!!!!!!!!!! What was a struggling girl to do besides accept what was offered to her??????!!!!!!???

7. This episode features a very pivotal scene in terms of the Beth, Ruby and Annie dynamic. What starts as tension between Annie and Beth quickly pivots when Ruby criticises Beth and Annie leaps to her sister’s defence. What do you think this tells us about the dynamic between the girls as pairs and as a trio?

I am so!!!! curious!!!!!!! about the backstory that exists in the writers’ heads for Ruby and Annie (all three of them, really, but the bff and little sister having an independent friendship is of particular interest to me bc it isn’t something you, or I guess I, run into a lot) and how much of it was defined at this point vs how much it’s evolved/fluctuated as the show goes on. This fight pretty clearly illuminated that when it really comes down to it, it’s Beth and Annie vs Ruby which a) breaks my heart and b) isn’t totally a dynamic I think the show ultimately stuck with? Or maybe intentionally fluctuates? Idk this is a half-baked thought. Ask again later.

8. Greg is the one who kisses Annie! Who do you think left who in that relationship, and/or what were the biggest issues in that relationship?

I feel like there’s pretty much no way Annie wasn’t the one that called things off with Greg. Not just because of how it plays out this time but because he’s got a kind of persistent yet also go with the flow attitude that makes me think he would absorb a lot in the name of making it work whereas Annie seems to have a pretty established history of cutting her losses and bailing when she hits her limit. Based on how fond they are of each other and how much affection they clearly still hold, I tend to assume they just grew apart as they grew up which makes it almost more complicated and tragic because it leaves all of the good stuff and just mixes it with the knowledge that it wasn’t enough.

9. What did you think of Ruby’s sauce story? And what do you think it meant as a turning point for her arc?

I HATE THIS STORY SO MUCH USED BAND AIDS ARE GROSS ENOUGH ON THEIR OWN WITHOUT MIXING IN FOOD SERVICE AND MONTHS, MONTHS, OF MARINATION. I REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT IT. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

10. Knowing that Beth, Ruby and Annie’s system of paying Mary Pat off doesn’t work, do you think there was a way they could’ve handled her on their own that would’ve worked? Or do you think Rio’s intimidation (and potential murder) tactic was the only way out?

Idk maybe I’m just cynical, but I take trust no bitch to heart, they pretty well screwed themselves into a corner by being idiots.

#rewatching this ep taught me a lot about my feelings on the secret shopper scheme #gg rewatch #gg 1x07 #gg related #shut up meg

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humble-wayside-flower · 4 years

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yes yes yes yes #7, 14, 29, 43, and 65 for both your haunted children?

7) Which party member do they understand the least?

For Marin I think its still Nora, even with last Adara session’s illuminations. Like myself, Marin didn’t expect the kind of overlap there is between their childhoods, and I think that means there's a shorthand understanding about somethings between the two of them, that others might now pick up on right away. But there is also this sort of misalignment, for lack of a better word. Like Marin gets why Nora is so put off by the whole temple institution. Marin doesn’t think she’s wrong, and in a lot of ways they agree with her. But I don’t think Marin fully understands how Nora could just let all of it go wholesale, because Marin isn’t even sure how to let go of the bad parts yet, much less the stuff that still feels beautiful and sacred and comforting.

Mattie, on the other hand, is tricky because I think they feel like they understand Sheridan and Raleigh pretty well. I wrote awhile back for another ask meme thing that Mattie’s biggest flaw is their pride. As much as they like to think their upbringing is complete separate from them, the emphasis on routine, snap judgements, and the difficultly admitting mistakes or misunderstandings- those are things that are deeply ingrained from that. That being said, there are many things about Raleigh that are an absolute enigma to them. Like how Raleigh remains so bright and open and selfless, when tbh they could be less of all those things and it would be still be understandable from Mattie’s POV. Raleigh’s innate affinity for magic is also confusing as it is fascinating for someone who didn’t grow up with powers at all. I also think there are these little stirrings deep inside of them that whisper “kindred soul” when the two of them are at their peak dumd (though right now I think Mattie would rather die than voice that thought out loud). I said awhile back that in another life, I don’t think he and Raleigh would be so different. It’s a dynamic that sort of mirrors what Marin and Nora have.

14) What is something they love about themselves?

This has been an unexpectedly difficult question, not because I think they don’t like anything about themselves, but because my answer to this question is different from what they would say I think.

Like I love Marin’s trusting nature, their ability to see the good in most anyone, even when it gets them in a lot of avoidable trouble. But I think they would say their devotion is their best quality. They stick to things, and they’re loyal to a fault, and they try so hard not to break promises. They don’t give up, not on the world, not on people.

As for Mattie, I love that they’re not so dependent on being liked by people who’s minds are already made up about them. It’s a healthier mindset to be in than Marin’s desire to please every person ever. But, in an adjacent vein, I think they would say their independence is their best quality. Mattie was (and is) wrong about not needing to rely on other people to get through life, but they’re less likely to fall apart completely if they were suddenly alone too.

29) Who would they save? Who would they be saved by?

Honestly, when all the World Eater stuff is settled, Marin will likely delve into the Seamstresses world for a bit to try and help the other people who may have gotten preyed upon into signing themselves up for something they didn’t understand. A cousin of sorts is a good cover up for why the party was poking around for Cutter, but I do think they really do feel a sort of kinship with him and any others stuck with forces stronger then them. They don’t buy into the seamstresses whole family shtick one bit, but still, a family can be made out of anything and anyone with at least one thing in common. As for who saves them, having friends in Nora and Raye and most unexpectedly Yani has helped immensely, but when it comes down to it, I still think the only one who can really save Marin is Marin. Not because they feel like they’re in this alone, but because so much of it is the kind of internal work you have to sort through on your own eventually.

Mattie, however, is always trickier for me for some reason. This is maybe going to sound silly, because it’s come and gone in game at this point, but a part of them is still hung up on Grace and Alistair, and how they got wrapped up in everything that’s gone on. I know I said that Mattie is less hung up on not being liked by people, but it surprised me how much being disliked by Grace, and her disappointment in the party bothers them. I’ve spent a stupid amount of time trying to figure out why they could do to make up for what they dragged Alistair into, and for what happened to Grace’s shop, and for themself in general, and it’s not an entirely selfless desire. It’s complicated. Idk if it even counts as saving so much as just making amends, but that’s a big one for Mattie in an unexpected way. As for who would save them, Mattie is going to need to learn to rely on their friends to get through this, especially with this fear that their mind is not entirely their own. This world eater stuff is too big to get through alone.

43) Why do they fight?

Because when it all comes down to it, its the right thing to do. Because when someone is about to walk off a cliff unknowingly, and you see it happening, you do your best to pull that person back. Because maybe you aren’t good enough to do it, but you have to try. Because there’s good in this world Mr. Frodo, and its worth fighting for.

For Marin specifically, because everything is whim to random chance, but the change for good is equal to the chance for bad, and sometimes gods and goddesses listen and tip the scales further.

For Mattie specifically, because there’s a sense of personal obligation to do so. That maybe a small part (they aren’t so foolish to think all of it) is their fault.

65) What is holding them back?

For both of them its the looming fear of the big what if after all this is said and done. Both of them had very specific ideas of what their lives would look like, and now all of that has been thrown out the window. The world is so much bigger now, and its overwhelming. Literally anything is possible. They’re holding themselves back in a lot of ways, because growing pains are, well, painful.

#I'm so sorry about how much rambling there is in this #if you're curious #this answer popped in at just over 1 #150 words #sorry Kat for the wall of text askljdf #city with no sky #thanks for sending this and giving me an opportunity to gush about all the thoughts that otherwise don't come up #I hope it all makes sense #takethewatch

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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713

Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? Nah, that was put out when I started to not read anymore. I did see the first movie though since it was always being aired on TV. When was the last time you ran into something? Haven’t been doing a lot of running these days being stuck at home... but uh probably my dog? He’s always scattered in the most random spaces around the house, it’s so easy to literally stumble upon him. Do you enjoy dressing up? I don’t get to do it a lot but yeah sure. Do you live in the city or a rural area? I live in an urban area. Rizal is technically a province but it has some urban, more city-like parts – I live in one of them. The way provinces are in the country is generally nice for staycations but I can’t see myself living in them for good; there’s hardly any phone signal, they have none of the stuff I’m used to having in the city like malls and coffee shops, and there’s much less coverage for internet connection. Would you say you have a sense of style? Pretty much. I think it’s distinguishable enough that people can pick clothes they think I’d like off a rack.

What's your biggest fear? Cockroaches, failing, being publicly humiliated. Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? Nope. Add that into one of my biggest fears. Are you close to any of your cousins? I’m closest to my Kuya, the eldest cousin on my mom’s side. I used to be close with my cousins on my dad’s side but since we’ve always lived far from each other we ended up getting awkward when we were teenagers and we haven’t moved past from that ever since. All my other cousins are too young for me to be close to. Have you ever been lost in the woods? Nope. Where did you last travel? I think my last out-of-town trip was when I went to Nasugbu with my friends as a last hurrah before the semester started last August. Do you enjoy driving? I would enjoy it more if traffic wasn’t so congested all the time, but generally I prefer knowing how to drive than not at all. I find it really convenient and I like being able to move at my own time, at my own pace. What song did you last listen to? Hahahaha don’t even be surprised anymore – it’s lofi city up in here, dude. If you have a job, how often do you work? What time do you normally go to sleep at night? These days, very late; my body clock has been beaten up bad (by me, lmao) in the last month. I’d normally turn in from 2-4 AM. Do you watch a lot of movies? I used to. Watching new movies was all I ever did circa 2014-2016, but life got a bit more hectic and my time for watching movies waned until I was never able to get back to my old routine and I just stopped watching altogether. These days I’m only able to watch new films if Gab asks me to tag along with her, like what happened with Midsommar, Knives Out, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Do you like Tom Petty? I only know him by name. I don’t have an opinion. Would you rather have snow or rain? I mean I’m just stuck with one of the choices anyway, so rain it is. Do you own a lot of sweaters? Nah I own zero. The only one I have belongs to my girlfriend. Have you ever tried rock-climbing? I’ve tried mini rock-climbing walls, but nothing too high or that required me to put on a helmet and harness. Ever ridden in a police car? Nope. Favorite decade of music? Idk I’ll have to go with the most recent one, 2010s. It was a period when I got old enough to 1) connect with the music coming out and 2) discern what to me sounds good and what doesn’t, and it was also a time where I got to establish what my general music tastes are. The 2000s to me mostly offers nostalgia but nothing outstanding, and I feel too detached from the other past decades for them to be my favorite. Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? I’ve had best friends I’ve kept for 15 years and 8 years. Ever witnessed a murder? No, but I came so close. One of our first news assignments was to cover a crime story, so on the first night a friend and I spent the night over at a local police station to wait for leads. There wasn’t any and on the second night, another pair of groupmates were tasked to wait at the same station to wait for reports – they were the pair that got a tip and they got to see a fresh crime scene :( which I know should be nothing to be envious of sksksk but still. If I remember correctly it was a stabbing incident and someone did die from it. Do you care what people think of you? I try not to but some opinions that reach me will still get to me, especially on rougher days. Does your room have a ceiling fan? No, just a standing electric fan. Would you consider yourself poised? Eh, it’s not the first word I’d use to describe me. If I’m feeling antsy you’d know it, because I would show it. Have you ever tried blogging? I have tried blogging, as early as when I was 10. I mainly used Blogspot as a diary, but it didn’t last long because 10 year old me just couldn’t keep the blog up and running. I discovered Tumblr when I was 11 and since then it’s been my main website for if I wanna blog (or in this case, microblog) about my interests. Favorite television channel? I haven’t watched TV in a looooooooong while. Have you ever lied under oath? I’ve never had to be under oath. What are your religious views? None. Are you a romantic person? Yeah but mostly in secret; I don’t like being too public when it comes to being expressive. Like I’d swat my girlfriend’s face away if she tries to kiss me in public lmaooooo but when it’s just the two of us I’ve gotten her love language down to a T and I know exactly what to do to make her feel loved. When did you last change your bed sheets? A few weeks ago. My eye started getting irritated whenever I was anywhere near my bed, so I chalked it up to having sheets that needed to be changed. Would you consider yourself a flirt? That would be the literal last thing to describe me. At what age do you plan to be married? Somewhere between 27-29. Do you eat a lot of junk food? Meh not really these days. I’m old enough to start feeling how unhealthy they are whenever I eat them and they no longer feel filling to the stomach either. When did you last go on vacation? Half a year ago. We haven’t been able to go on vacations this year because of coronavirus obviously, so our last trips have been on my dad’s last break at home. Are you resilient? I’d like to think so. I’ve been through so much shit and of varying degrees all my life but I’m still stubbornly here. Have you ever failed a subject before? I’ve never failed an entire class but I’ve failed exams, mostly math-related ones. If so, what was the class? My first failed class was math in Grade 4 (which was when we started learning super super super basic algebra), then I failed a number of algebra exams in 1st year, and then advanced algebra and geometry, and I think even chemistry and calculus, as the years went on. Do you wear more bright or dull colors? I used to wear duller colors, but I’ve recently been so bored with how my wardrobe has been mostly black and white throughout my stay in college that I started to make an effort to buy more colorful stuff so I can look livelier. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? I know a number of people. What's your favorite quote? I don’t really have one but one of my favorite movie lines is “How you like them apples?” from Good Will Hunting, if that counts. Would you consider yourself mature? Sure. I like taking on a motherly role in all my friend groups. How many clocks are in your house? I only regularly encounter the one in our dining area but I dunno if any of the bedrooms have clocks as well. Do you play any sports? Table tennis. What is your biggest life regret? Eh I say this a lot but only because it’s my one big regret – I wish I didn’t have such a hard time adjusting and spend so much time wallowing in self-pity in my first year (and part of my second year) of college. I spent all my days crying in my car because I had nowhere to hang and no one to talk to, and I was feeling worse by the fact that everyone else seemed to settle in with ease. I wish I had just said ‘fuck it’ earlier and just joined orgs and talked to people. Now I don’t really get to say that my entire college experience had been one of a kind, because I was mostly only trying to keep myself alive for nearly the first half of it. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? Nah not injured, but I’ve been caught in a couple of accidents. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? I would love to be in a Tim Hortons right now, studying while having their coffee and one of their wraps. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? Never. I’m not allowed to, which is fine because I stopped wanting to dye my hair. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC has the best fast food but not the best restaurant. I don’t think I enjoy eating at any of the fast food restaurants we have because they all smell like a bunch of people have come and gone in the place D: In what country were you born? Philippines. Born and raised. Are your eyes more than one color? Nope. Have you ever caught something on fire? No but I’ve seen someone else get something on fire – back in Grade 4, my science teacher was showing us how a Bunsen burner works and a classmate (and tbh the class troublemaker) named Kressel tipped it over while the teacher wasn’t looking. We were too young to know what to do about it – and we were also all panicking on the inside and none of us could move – so we just watched part of the table getting burned away. What would you consider your biggest flaw? I’m very sensitive and I take a lot of things personally. What do you think your best quality is? Kinda conneected to that. I can read people quite well and can tell when they’re feeling too sensitive, if a joke has gotten too far for them, or if they’re starting to feel uncomfortable in a group setting. Do you enjoy listening to others' problems? *Enjoy* might not be the right word for it – I don’t derive pleasure out of hearing the things making my friends stressed out. I do like being the person they turn to; I like knowing they trust me.

Do you keep any plants in your house? My parents do. Sometimes they’ll ask me to water them, but I don’t claim any of the plants as mine. What is your mother's occupation? She’s confidential secretary to one of the higher-ups in her workplace. Do any of your friends like your musical style? I’m not the first person they’d go to to ask for song recommendations. My taste is admittedly a bit blah and basic, so I don’t blame them haha. What are you most looking forward to? I wanna say this quarantine ending, but I know resuming life in the real world would also be making me anxious when the time comes. I guess I’m most excited for seeing Gabie again, because I haven’t seen March 7th. What was your favorite television show as a child? My first favorite show ever that I was also super attached to was Hi-5 with the original cast – this was for kindergarten days. When I got a bit older I loved Spongebob, then when I got even a bit older than that I started liking Drake and Josh, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, That’s So Raven, and Hannah Montana. My first favorite that didn’t come from a kids’ channel was probs Breaking Bad. Are you afraid of insects? Yeah, most of them. Are you cold-natured? Idk if this wants to ask me if I’m snobbish or if I get cold too quickly, but I’m gonna go right ahead and say I can be a bit of both. How old were you when you got your first pet? I was 5 or 6 when I got my first few goldfish. Our house back then was very crowded and wouldn’t have been conducive to pets that would walk around, plus I had never owned pets before, so my parents thought it would be best for me to start off with fish. Did you / do you enjoy high school? It was okay for the latter half. What would you say was your favorite age? 16, which also happened to be the start of the second half of high school. There wasn’t a single low point that year and I had great friends, great grades, and an overall great time in junior year. What annoys you most about social networking? Ehh there are different annoying things for each of the big social media sites. Twitter sucks for its cancel/public shaming culture; Facebook suffers from fake news and troll armies, and conservative relatives are often there to gossip about your posts or your stances (at least for us Asians, idk if family in other cultures can be just as nosey); and Instagram is just unbelievably fake to me that I’ve never even tried joining there to socialize.

Are you the center of attention most of the time? No. Whenever I feel like I am I always shift the spotlight to someone else. What are you currently reading? I’m not reading anything at the moment. When did you last go to the library? At the start of the year, when I had to borrow a book for my Rizal class. Are you ill at the moment? Nope, and remaining not ill would be the best situation for now given the current circumstances. Do people tease you about anything? My friends know I’m a little sensitive so they’re careful about making me the butt of their jokes for too long, but I do get teased for my lack of street smarts which I’m fine with because it’s true hahahahahaha. How late did you stay up last night and why? Not too late considering how late I stay up these days – just around midnight. My left eye acted up again, was tearing up like crazy, and I could barely open it without starting to feel pain so I just went ahead and got some sleep. Have you ever written poetry? Only when we had to in English classes or if we had to submit entries for my org’s literary folio. I’ve never voluntarily written poems. Curtains or shades? Shades. How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? Six, I think? - my dad, sister, cousin, Gab, Andrew, and Angela. Do you tend to text a lot? These days no because I haven’t had (and needed) cellphone load in the last month lmao. Normally though I do. Ever lost a great best friend? Yeah. Sofie and I drifted apart when we started college and the time apart made me realize that we simply had two entirely different personalities and there was no way we would have kept up the friendship considering how far we would be from each other once college started. But it was a nice couple of years that we had being best friends and I don’t regret the antics we got into together. What is your favorite kind of flower? Peonieeeeees my god his question is everywhere. Do you own any guns? No, and I can tell you people where I’m from generally find America’s gun fixation really weird. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? I think it’d be unfair to tag something as all-time favorite when I haven’t read enough books... but I remember really enjoying Without Seeing the Dawn by Stevan Javellana. Never mind the fact that it was required reading for school; I genuinely loved the whole book and ate it up pretty quickly. Do you think you're living a good life? I guess, but I’d much rather call it ‘fortunate.’ What's your least favorite part of the day? On a normal schedule that would be once my alarm hits and I know I have to get out of bed and anticipate the traffic I’ll be stuck in.

Are you an over-achiever? Not in the sense that I like joining competitions and winning every single one of them, but I like calling dibs on a lot of tasks no matter how booked I am, and even doing the tasks of others if I sense that they’re not moving. Have you ever won an award for a speech? I haven’t, but I’ve been in a public speaking competition. I let my anxiety get the best of me that day and I ended up rambling midway into my speech, so now thinking about it is something that makes me wince these days because I know I could have done a lot better. Do you tend to curse a lot? Not as much as when I was a teenager but I’ll still slip some shits and fucks in my sentences every now and then. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? No. And I think that if it does happen, as much as I love the concept of Ouija boards, I’ll be too scared to join the session haha. Do you sleepwalk? Nope. Have you ever slept on the floor before? I’ve never slept on the FLOOR floor. I’ve slept on floors but there was always a mattress to lie on to feel comfortable, ya feel. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? It’s easy not to mind simple acts like holding hands or forehead kisses, but it can get uncomfortable if a couple is clearly in the moment and is like literally making out on the escalator or talking like babies to one another but loud enough for others to hear. Either way though I wouldn’t call myself an active fan. When did you last attend a yard sale? Idk dude, 12 years ago I’d say. Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? More interesting. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? None. I just want to care for myself these days dude. And remind myself that it’s okay to not feel like being productive. When is your birthday? Exactly a week from now – April 21st. Which is worse: going blind or deaf? Blind for me. There’s a lot of stuff and places I have yet to see and new experiences that I wanna be able to digest by seeing them, like getting to the top of a mountain or seeing my future kid. What was the best part of today? Eh, today’s been uneventful at best. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? I don’t want to be the subject of drama but if there’s drama involving other people and my friends got a hold of it, I would honestly find it hard to ignore it. What liquid did you last drink? Water. Do you ever prefer to be alone? I have moods where I’d want to be alone, but it doesn’t happen all the time. I still like being around people because it keeps me from being alone with my thoughts. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? No. Favorite Disney movie? Toy Story. Tangled comes at a verrrrrrrrrry close second. Have you ever been to the beach? Yes. I think since 2009 we’ve been going to the beach at least once a year. If you have, how many times have you been? ^ Considering that estimation I’ve been to the beach a minimum 11 times, but it’s definitely a lot more than that since there’ve been times where we went to beaches multiple times in a single year. What was your dream occupation at age ten? I wanted to be an author then. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? No. I’m a little underweight so I'm okay with welcoming a few extra pounds. Do you drink a lot of water? I don’t take eight glasses a day but I still drink relatively more than my friends and relatives do, who seem to like iced tea and soda more. Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? Hardwood, as with most (maybe even all) Filipino houses. Do you take naps daily? No, not daily. I probably take 3-4 afternoon naps every week.

Who were you named after? My parents say I was named after the Swedish singer Robyn, but they also tell me a conflicting story in that they just liked how the name sounds and went with it. Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? In the current state of the world? No can do chief. I wanna be able to travel once this shitstorm is over though. Do you know anyone who is colorblind? I don’t think so. Have you ever been a teacher's pet? For some classes, but they’ve been very few and far between. I don’t consciously make myself the teacher’s pet in all my classes. What is your absolute favorite hobby? Eating out/trying new food! How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once or twice. Ever been to a tanning bed before? I have not. I don’t need to. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? I don’t even have finances sksksksksksksks Who is your favorite actor / actress? Kate Winslet. Are your nails painted? Nope. What's the meanest thing you've ever said to someone? I make it a point not to say mean things to anyone because words stick. I learned that from a young age which, aside from how fucked up that is, is still a good thing, because it taught me early on to be careful with my anger. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? I don’t do it accidentally lmao I just apologize to most of the objects I bump into. What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and cream. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? Regularly. Do you receive any hate mail? No but that’s because I actively avoid having outlets for that. Anonymous hate would only make me paranoid and will probs drive me madly insecure in the wrong run. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? Nope. If you could, would you have a pen pal? Meh, I’ll pass. I find instant messaging a lot more convenient and I doubt I’d have the patience for keeping a pen pal. What color are the pants you're wearing? I have brown shorts, not pants. Have you ever had a stalker? Nope. What is your life philosophy? You don’t have to be blood to be family. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? Gabie. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? Very few, because pink actually doesn’t suit me. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? Sure. What's your favorite comedy movie? White Chicks. In which year were you born? 1998.

#survey #surveys

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lightsandlostbells · 5 years

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Druck season 2, episode 4 reaction

I want to thank turtleneck boy because I truly miss the fandom running wild with every detail and coming up with theories, I mean that sincerely. God bless you, sweater man.

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Motto selection

We have the graduating class looking at mottos. Amira and Leonie are leading the meeting. Leonie sure likes to lead school activities. We also have Mia, Hanna, Jonas, and Matteo in attendance. I really like seeing more school activities, especially since the hero party thing wrapped up last season, and this seems like a particularly German tradition from what I can tell, so it’s a cool thing to include.

Jonas is wearing a fedora today and like, he’s rocking it and twirling it around and stuff, but baby, you gotta be aware of the implications.

They’re picking out a motto, but as Leonie emphasizes with finger quotes, these are “the best” and Amira says none of them are great. “Photoshop-Philipp” put together some examples of the logos. His name is Markus. He’s the theater kid from the first season, with his hair tied back and I never would have recognized him if fandom hadn’t pointed him out.

That dude in the black turtleneck sent us all into conspiracy mode. Initially he was giving me German Even vibes, too. Was this their version of kosegruppa? He smiles when Matteo starts laughing at Photoshop Philipp, and his body language is angled toward Matteo, kinda, could that be a clue??? Why would they give us a random close-up of that guy when Jonas starts talking about CannABIs, when he doesn’t have a line at that moment or anything? Why was he tying his shoe for so long? Surely Druck is trying to tell us something!

Yet apparently it has been confirmed that he is not German Even, but is some random extra who’s been popping up in school scenes. That was a fun few days of speculation, though.

When the cannabis-themed logo pops up, Jonas says that there are some students in this school who are critical of the dangers of smoking weed, and he’s definitely directing that toward Hanna (he looks at her at the end, and Hanna looks over her shoulders and rolls her eyes). Nice bit of passive-aggressiveness there.

Another one is a parody of the alt-right Germany party (AFD) logo. Jonas likes that direction. Some random girl doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to give more attention to the party, but Amira and Mia think it’s funny. You know, kinda cool that these random students are getting a voice this season - like in the classroom debate, or the discussion here. It’s not just the main characters having all the dialogue in these scenes, it makes it feel a little more like an actual school, if that makes sense. (ETA: @randomfinny and @hyperfictional pointed out that she’s actually German Sara. Lol, I never would have recognized her, so thank you!)

I laughed at Jonas and Matteo being lazy in the back of the class. and them both putting their heads down. They’re in sync!

Suddenly there’s Axel walking in! Good thing Kiki isn’t part of this meeting. Did he join just to hang out with Mia?

I will say this, I am not complimentary toward Alex, but we’ve seen more of a personality from him thus far than with William, imo. He’s been shown to have some political opinions, and this shows a little bit of creativity/initiative on his part. He seems pretty pleased with his design/logo. He thinks it’s pretty gangster.

His logo is Abi Chaker Clan 2019, which is a reference to a family in Berlin with ties to organized crime? It doesn’t mean much to me as a non-German, but I’m going to take that it’s clever. Most of the group seems to like it. Jonas and Matteo approve. Markus doesn’t understand it. He’s like the only one other than Mia who’s not on board, lol. They take a vote, everyone puts their hands up except Mia. Hanna tells her that it’s better than others, so Mia reluctantly raises her hand. Even when she does so, she’s pointedly looking away from Alex.

As they leave, Jonas sticks his fedora on Matteo’s head. Be still my heart.

They’re going to have another meeting on Friday, Alex offers his place. Mia isn’t gonna be happy about that!

I will say this, this is what I wanted for Noorhelm remakes - give them something to work on that isn’t them dating, like a school project or whatever. Although now I’m like … they could have started with this stuff, the graduation committee, and not gotten into the whole renewed Kiki/Alex angle which makes this all messier and more complicated and harder to be on team Alex or team Winterberg. And I get that’s probably what they were going for, throwing more obstacles into the story so Mia still has doubts about being with Alex, but it also means I need that I need certain aspects addressed before I can fully get on board with this ship, and I’m afraid they won’t do that. Or I’m afraid that Mia’s flaws will be addressed but Alex’s will be excused.

That being said, I’m on team Amira with the decision to let Alex into the group. Sometimes you have to put personal feelings aside, and Alex’s involvement will benefit everyone else in the class by making the yearbooks cheaper. And tbh I don’t think it’s right to exclude someone from participating in a school group like this unless they’re actively disrupting the group itself, regardless of how much that person may have wronged me or my friends romantically.

When Mia starts to argue, Amira says that she knows the cost isn’t a big deal to Mia and some others, but other students came to her and said they couldn’t afford it. I wonder if Kiki was one of them… she probably wouldn’t tell that to Amira, though. Not in those words.

This isn’t Amira’s big secret, though, is it? Like Pawel isn’t some dude at the printing company, and she was just trying to keep it under wraps so Mia didn’t find out? I feel like her secret has to be bigger and more personal than that.

The question is, did Alex do this to get on Mia’s good side or to hang out with her? Or is he trying to engage and do something nice without expectations? Because I respect that second one more, obviously.

Amira is so lovely, I truly hope we get her season.

Clip 2 - Alex is hyped for Game of Thrones to return

Mia runs into Alex. She says they need to talk. He smirks and says, “Winter is coming,” and GOD FUCKING DAMMIT that made me laugh out loud. It’s so obvious but I laughed.

You know, Mia looks a tiny bit like Daenerys Targaryen.

There’s a shot of them walking down the path thing with the divider in the middle, oooo, ~symbolic. They meet at the end.

Mia tells him to stop grinning, and he says yes, sergeant Winter, and salutes. FUCK OFF that’s the second time I’ve laughed in this clip at this dude. I hate myself.

She chews him out for becoming a “committing patron” and he’s all “??? I wanted to help??” And I will give this to him, he did actually help out the group regardless of intentions, so maybe let that one slide, Mia, in the spirit of utilitarianism. Then she mentions NYE and the midnight voice message, which he does deserve to be chewed out for.

SOMEONE IS WATCHING THEM. It’s Sam??? Oh shit, she saw them talking! Hopefully she assumes Mia is just yelling at Alex. But she’s going to know Mia and Alex are in cahoots. Will she end up using this against Mia, or will she go to Mia and offer her support when Mia feels like she can’t tell anyone what’s happening?

Clip 3 - Ironing soothes the soul

Mia checks her phone and sees a bunch of messages from people praising Alex’s motto and hyping him up as the man. She gets off the bed, puts on a Chopin record and we are treated to a slow-montage scene of Mia ironing her clothes, including stuff like pajamas and socks, things that do not really need to be ironed if you asked me.

But I like the purpose of this scene! Mia feels out of control and frustrated and helpless with Alex’s inclusion in the group and everybody praising him and talking him up, and on top of it she doesn’t feel in control of her own feelings, so she has this ritual where she puts on music and makes her clothes neat and orderly. She uses order as a coping mechanism. Even the way this is shot makes it feel very precise and serene, the way she goes about this ritual so calmly, the way she smooths down her ironed items, the way the camera moves upward at the end, like all Mia’s anxieties are just floating away. You can just sink into this moment and realize how Mia clears her head.

Also that it’s classical music - something that also feels very orderly. And as we learn later in the episode, Mia can play piano including classical pieces so perhaps she has a strong history with it.

This was something indicated with Noora - for example, she was throwing out and getting rid of stuff once William had left her, and tidying up her room before she was supposed to meet with William prior to him going to London. She was thrown out of balance when Eskild ate her fish cakes. So I like that they’re going into it with Mia, and as others have mentioned it might be another sign of Mia’s ED. (Perfectionism is a common trait in people with eating disorders, and excessive tidiness/need for order is a sign of perfectionism).

Ironing complete, Mia searches for Alexander Hardenberg online. She considers following Alex on IG - too far, girl, he’s gonna take that as a marriage proposal.

Mia’s phone background includes Hans, awww.

She finds various links including one talking about his sister Sophie, who was two years older than he was. There are theories that Sophie will take over the Niko role, but I don’t buy that. For one, Alexander got very defensive over people talking about his “sister” in the classroom debate, and I don’t think he’d care if his sister was a creep. Second, it would be in EXTREMELY poor taste to have the biggest wlw rep on this show be a woman preying on and assaulting another woman, especially as a counter to Mia and Alex’s heterosexual relationship that’s probably going to be True Love. Just. The worst. I wrote this speculation post, but I think Sophie’s probably dead or something bad happened to her. Björn is some dude who was involved in what happened to her.

I don’t know what song this is as Mia is falling into the Alex Hardenberg rabbit hole, but it sounds like classical to me, and it’s like her coping mechanism/mental safe space is getting conflated with this guy.

Hans bursts into the room saying the Mia needs to look at his dick, because he thinks he has an STD, specifically tripper (gonorrhea) and he needs her to compare with some picture online. OK, I have to say, I have never ever heard that term for gonorrhea before. I’ve only heard it called the clap. Did Druck just teach me something? Yes, it did.

I have to praise Milena’s reactions here, they are restrained but suitably horrified.

Hans exposes his junk to Mia and she notes that yeah, it looks similar to the picture. He storms out and yells his fury to the heavens. When Mia asks if she should go to the pharmacy for him, he says he needs a chamomile tea first. LMAO. I feel like it was implied Mia would make the tea, right?

Clip 4 - Dingalings

Matteo’s just hanging with the girls as they talk about Hans’ clap, I guess. This child is not in a good state. He doesn’t seem very engaged in this conversation, but then again … would you want to hear about someone’s gonorrhea?

The girls are like HERE LOOK AT THESE GONORRHEA PICS and Matteo is just sitting there shooting them looks of WTF.

Sam calls it a “dingaling”. It’s nice to know she uses the same euphemism as my mom. She wants to know what a “gay penis” looks like, compared to a straight penis, I guess. Babe, you can go onto the Internet and find that out with a few clicks.

I laughed again at Matteo giving this side-eye to the girls while he looks at something on his phone. Or him nervously looking at them while they talk about what gay penis looks like.

Matteo picks up a banana as Sam asks about his dingaling. Druck going for that subtle symbolism, I see.

Sam asks Matteo how he measures dingalings, and he’s like, “...what?” There’s a nice moment where Hanna and Mia react and Mia tries to change the subject and divert attention from Matteo, in case this gets into uncomfortable territory for him. I liked that! Different from Eva and Noora having a fun time with Isak’s mysterious sexuality.

However, Sam really wants to know. Matteo mumbles that you do it with a ruler and Sam immediately gets out that ruler like she’s prepared to put this into practice. Not at the table, darling. Matteo isn’t even looking at them as he explains the rest.

Sam writes down “only when it’s hard” and underlines it, like she’s taking notes and this will be on the final exam for Dingalings 101.

Matteo sees Jonas walk in, and Matteo waves him over, probably thinking OH GOD SAVE ME, but Jonas just backtracks out of the room. NOOOOOO. I saw people think he was mad at Matteo, but I thought he was trying to avoid Hanna, which was confirmed in a text. If he and Matteo had a tiff, Matteo probably wouldn’t be waving him over so chill, unless he didn’t know Jonas was mad at him.

Matteo is not even looking at Hanna when she asks if Jonas has someone, just at his phone. What is he so engrossed with on his phone? Is it something specific or just generic sad teenage disengagement? Is it just him being one of The Youths?

Matteo waited until Sam left to tell Hanna that Jonas waits for her to post stuff on IG, IDK if there was a reason he waited. And there wasn’t any real reason Sam had to get up and leave during this scene, so is it at all important? Unless they just wanted the three sadsacks at the table together for the end of this clip, and Sam is not sufficiently angsty about her love life right now.

But Matteo tells Hanna that Jonas doesn’t have a new girl, he waits around for her to post new IG stories. Hanna is confused why, and Matteo is like, why does someone spend an entire evening stalking someone? Ohhh, damn. Mia is gonna feel that comment resonate uncomfortably.

Also, nice of Matteo to help out Hanna and Jonas’ relationship instead of snaking on her. As far as we know. (I think he’s being nice, not a snake this time.)

In case we didn’t get the connection, Axel texts Mia if she prefers wine or beer, for the yearbook meeting tomorrow, I guess. Checking in to see what she likes, her preferences.

We see Mia, Matteo, and Hanna at the table, all of them a little out of sorts. Mia thinking about Axel, Hanna thinking about Jonas, Matteo thinking about … something ... or someone … dude is very busy on his phone.

Clip 5 - After party at Axel’s

Mia brushes her teeth before going over to Alex’s - I guess that’s supposed to be her showing interest in him? A sign that she wants to be at her best? Or, you know, a sign that she practices good oral hygiene.

Hanna texts her and hopes she’s coming soon, because Hanna doesn’t want to be there alone because of Jonas. Damn, kids, you’re really tearing my heart out about this. Get back together already!

Axel texts Mia that she doesn’t need to bring a toothbrush because he has a new one ready for her. Well, that’s rather presumptuous. Mia seems a little amused, though.

She locks herself out of the apartment and texts Hans about it. Hans will be back at midnight to let Mia in. Also the tripper situation is still causing him pain and he stole money from his sick aunt to pay for medicine? Hans is so much more of a mess than Eskild was, like he’s going to have to evolve fast if he’s going to adopt Matteo.

This next part is beautiful, as we cut between Mia getting on the bus and traveling to Alex’s house, and shots of the characters looking into the camera as someone reads the comments about them. Isn’t this kinda like those character descriptions from pre-season? That promo stuff? So maybe it wasn’t just for promo, but an overall theme of the season, about the labels we stick on people or the shallow ways we perceive them.

Hanna - Gets bitch, red devil, arrogant. Who called Hanna a bitch?? Red devil?? Get the fuck out. Ex-BFF is from Leonie. Someone calls Hanna the “best decision of my life” and I think that was probably Jonas, please take that dagger out of my heart, oh my God.

Amira - Gets “hijab” like 8 times. So sad that this is all people know about her or think about her. They see the hijab and think that’s the sum total of who she is, rather than part of it. And it’s also othering, because the hijab stands out, it’s different from everyone else. I feel like Amira is used to it, too, like she probably expected that response. She also gets called ISIS. Man, fuck that edgy piece of shit person who wrote that. At least she gets some other comments like how she’s cool, like the people who actually know her and don’t stereotype her or judge her think she’s the best.

Matteo - Basically he’s a chill bro and fades into the background, although one person thinks he’s a good kisser. Hmmm, has he been going around smooching girls like Isak did?

Alex - gets almost all negative comments about how arrogant or jerkish he is, or his car compensating for his lack of dong size, except for some comments about how he’s hot. Look, if you want me to feel sorry about that, how people are just judging him unfairly, you’ve gotta show me more proof that he hasn’t been a major asshole throughout his high school career and this isn’t an accurate assessment of how he’s treated people or behaved this whole time, even if he’s supposed to be a nice guy underneath.

Mia - gets lots of comments on how hot she is, with some about her feminism or being boring. Habibi comes from Amira. Lesbian? Final one is “prettiest woman on earth” which probably was from Alex, honestly, and she seems kinda OK hearing him read that one out loud. (Although my kingdom for those “lesbian?” and “prettiest woman on earth” comments to have both come from like, Kiki.)

Matteo is once again lying on the couch on his phone, checked out. Someone send that kid an Even to bring him to life.

They talk about whether everyone should be able to cross out comments and that they don’t have time to chase everyone down, but I agree with Mia that everyone should be able to censor theirs, not just the committee. Alex agrees with Mia and gives a sensible option, that people have two weeks to contact the staff if they want to censor their comments. He says he doesn’t want to censor his comments because in twenty years he wants to remember what an arrogant ass he was, and everyone laughs, and you can take that as a sign of character growth that he wants to evolve past being an ass, or him thinking it was a fun time rather than something he regrets.

There’s turtleneck boy again. Who isn’t Even, but maybe could be German Julian Dahl.

Alex ordered pizza and beer, and the meeting gets more like a party. Hanna and Matteo throw pizza at each other and Hanna gives him the finger, cute! Alex arm wrestles Markus the theater photoshop kid. All throughout the evening, Mia seems attuned to Alex’s presence and keeps looking his way. I know that kind of feeling, I’ve been to parties where I was Mia and someone’s presence was like a magnet.

Hanna and Matteo talk in the kitchen about Jonas. Hanna asks where Jonas is, seeing as he’s not at the meeting, and Matteo says he doesn’t know, Jonas wanted to come. Which is a lie seeing as Jonas told Matteo he wasn’t going in a text message that we saw. At least Matteo is trying to spare Hanna’s feelings.

Mia is in Alex’s bathroom, looking at the stuff on the counter. I guess she’s just inspecting his stuff? She opens a jar and it’s overflowing with condoms, lol. I guess Alex got over his “latex allergy” at some point or learned his lesson about not wrapping it up. Maybe he had his own adventure with tripper. (I’m imagining him in his own version of the scene with Hans, wailing and opening his robe to a befuddled Toilet Sam.)

Hans texts her that now he won’t be home until 1. When Mia comes out of the bathroom, everyone else is leaving. Now Mia’s first option is that she could totally leave with her friends and chill with them, and if she’s locked out, she could crash at Hanna’s. But Amira has to study, Leonie has a date, and Hanna is going to the cinema with her dad. (What if Hanna was going to Jonas’ instead ... no, I won’t get entertain that happy delusion.) Anyway, Hanna suggests that Mia just kill time at Alex’s until she can go home.

Mia and Alex look at each other across the room. There is some nice nonverbal tension. The toilet flushes and Markus comes out of the bathroom. Now there are three of them, I like this shot of them in a triangle. Lol, Markus is so drunk he doesn’t know if he puked on himself. He doesn’t know how he broke up the Mia/Alex staring contest.

Alex and Mia look at each other and laugh after Markus leaves, which is a genuinely nice moment. Mia explains her situation and says she’ll go to the cinema or hang out in the park until then. Alex says she could stay and he’ll drive her home later. There’s a funny bit where Mia says he’s not allowed to drive, and Alex says he’ll call his chauffeur, and then does an imitation of Mia’s inner monologue - “Is he that rich? No … or maybe he is?” I do like that they’ve given Alex so much more of a sense of humor.

Lmao, Alex jumping on the random skateboard and gliding across the floor, I have to say if I lived in a big empty place like that, I’d be doing shit like that a lot. Speaking of, that is one big, spacious apartment, like there’s some art on the walls and stuff but it still gives off that cold lonely rich kid vibe.

I like Mia walking around examining the place as he makes her rosehip tea. Alex mentions that his sister used to live here - again, we don’t get more details than that, like whether she moved or died, what happened to her. It seems like he might have cut off that line of inquiry when he asks Mia if she wants honey in her tea - either a coincidence or a deliberate attempt to change the subject.

However, that does throw into context Björn’s appearance in the next clip, because Björn was showing up to the sister’s old apartment. Why was he messing around in there? I think that dude might be the sister’s boyfriend or ex.

There’s a piano. In that same room are a lot of moving boxes; either because Alex was moving in, or because the sister was moving out. Or maybe they were packing up Sophie’s things because she died?

Mia asks him whether he plays or whether it’s there to impress girls. Alex says no, so I’m betting it was the sister’s piano. He also asked whether they should go sit in the other room to drink the tea, I think that he didn’t want to answer questions about the piano or be near it, like it probably reminds him of whatever happened to the sister.

Gold star to Mia for not playing without payment and for not negotiating. I love her.

Was that the theme music from Titanic she was playing and acting like she was really into?? Lmao.

Finally, she plays something legit, “Montagues and Capulets” (or “Dance of the Knights”) from the ballet Romeo and Juliet by Prokofiev. HMMM could there be any connection to star-crossed lovers with this subject matter? Hey, it’s subtler than a banana.

At first I was wondering why her playing seemed out of sync and was like ... did they get a body double to play for her or something? Because I think Milena can really play. But then we see that it’s intentionally out of sync, as we see them eating and talking over the music. Perhaps to symbolize things being out of sorts; earlier this clip we had Mia using classical music as a way to restore order in her life, and here that order is rapidly dissolving, so the music isn’t really soothing, and the images aren’t neatly in line with it.

When Alex asks what song that was, Mia says it’s Drake. L M A O I adore her.

Hans texts Mia that he’s not coming home tonight as he’s met some other dude with gonorrhea and they’re going to hook up. Er, have fun with that, Mr. Currently Peeing Shards of Glass. Anyway, he asks if she can stay at Hanna’s. Alex says Mia can just stay there, she can take the bed and he’ll take the sleeping mat. Mia asks why doesn’t he just sleep on the couch and he says the fridge is too loud. We are treated to the sounds of the thunderous fridge. Actually, it is pretty loud for a fridge, if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing I can see it being a problem.

He says she can rent his bed for the night, like in a hotel. Which is what seems to convince her, him framing it not like a benevolent gesture but a transaction. So Alexander sets up the bed for Mia. He gives the new toothbrush that he had mentioned, and she pays him back what he gave her.

Mia climbs into bed and smells the fresh linen. She checks her phone and Hans says that Emilio finished fast so he’s coming home, and Hanna says Mia can come over. But Mia pulls an Isak, telling Hanna that Hans is home and Hans that she’s with Hanna. Wow, there is no chance of that backfiring, not with these two people who appear to be on friendly terms.

They don’t share a bed as Noorhelm did; true to his word, Alex sleeps on the floor, and she gets the bed. I think that’s indicative of where they’re at with each other right now; they still have distance between them, but they’ve developed a state of comfort and can let down their guard to a degree.

They wish each other good night, and she calls him Axel. That makes him smile. And then he asks that that wasn’t really Drake, was it? Which makes her smile. Let him go to his grave thinking it was Drake, Mia.

Social Media/General Comments

I’ll say this, Chris Veres is doing well as Alex, performance-wise. Previously he was my least favorite William, and I thought he was very flat in S1, which I guess was intentional, since I heard he tried to play Alex as very cold and unfeeling. Now we’ve seen him showing more personality and especially glimpses of humor and levity. So regardless on my thoughts of the character overall, I think the actor is doing a fine job.

A lot of people seem to have hopped on board with Alex after this episode, even people who hated William, and I think that largely has to do with the performance. I’m not sure I would say I’m completely on board with Alex as a character - he still has a lot of stuff to account for, and there are things that I really need Druck to redeem about him in order for me to like him. I especially need apologies - or at least some sense of regret and humility over his specific mistakes, rather than him trying to defend himself and Mia falling for it. But I get why fandom is starting to like him, he’s showing more charisma here. There are things I certainly like about him compared to William, for instance that he seems to have more interests and opinions on things that don’t have to do with his love interest. He had some genuinely funny lines in this episode.

Also, I’ve said it before, but I wasn’t sold on Mia entirely in S1, but Milena Tscharntke is really winning me over this season. Mia feels like her own character, certainly one with traits in common as Noora, but also not a Noora clone.

Kiki was totally absent this episode, and I wonder if that was to lull us into forgetting the Kiki/Alex drama so we, like Mia, could start to fall for him. In putting Kiki aside for an episode, it’s kind of like we don’t have this reminder of what Alex and Mia have done to her, something that I’m sure will come crashing back and causing conflict in the next episode. It also makes you wonder what Kiki has been doing since we last saw her. How is she coping? Breaking more hearts?

The music needs to be used more sparingly. This episode had some good selections but basically it’s falling into a pattern that’s plagued some of the remakes, where the music always gets used the same way: a song at the start of the clip, a song at the end of it, so that it starts to lessen the impact of the music because we can predict when it will appear. I think it happens in some remakes, like Skam France or Druck, because they run some previews/production credits at the end, and they want music to go over it instead of silence. But last season I think they did have some clips that ended with silence over the credits, or things like Hanna sighing, or random banter, and that didn’t bother me, that helped to retain the atmosphere of the clip.

There’s a theory that S3 and/or S4 have been running in the background of this season, and while I can see evidence for that, I really hope it’s not the case. Especially after this last clip - I thought it was great, the pacing worked and there were some inspired directing choices, so imagine what we could get with Matteo or Amira’s seasons with that kind of style. It would work so well with one of the long Evak or Yousana clips, something like Mekke øl or The Best of Islam.

Mia is like, “Won’t we get in copyright trouble for this?” as a feeble attempt in the committee chat not to pick Alex’s motto, lol. Give her credit for fighting a losing battle to the end.

Hans had like three text messages about his clap. First he accuses a dude of infecting him with the clap, while the dude is like, nah, just went to the doctor yesterday, I’m good, and Hans is like … oops … embarrassing. Then he goes after the next dude he banged, who reciprocates his electronic shouting match. Finally messages Michi, who’s like, thank God, I thought you were breaking up with me again. Dude. Hans. I know you find Michi a bore, I guess, but some dude whose reaction to hearing he has the clap is “at least you didn’t break up with me” to the dude who gave it to him, is someone you might wanna hang on to. And not in a boomerang way, in a “this is a keeper” way.

Matteo and Jonas text and apparently Jonas planned to skip the yearbook meeting/party because of Hanna. So that’s probably why he ran away in the dingaling clip, because he saw Hanna there. I’m wondering if they’re going to get back together this season or if they’ll string us along for a few more.

According to Matteo’s IG stories, that was the first time Photoshop Philipp/Markus got drunk, and Matteo made sure to document the highs, followed by the inevitable lows.

I’m not German, so feel free to correct me if I missed anything.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#druck reactions #druck

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xtisumi · 6 years

Text

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Hope you enjoy the long journey that is reading ur bday msg mwhahahaha @aoutd

*Sorry for this super long post, but this is for you so I know you’re going to appreciate it! Anyways I’m splitting this msg into three parts just because there’s a lot that I have to say and I want to organize it a bit so you could understand it easier! With that being said...

- Part One -

HAPPY BIRTHDAY dude I’m going to say this a lot throughout the post so sorry if it loses value but IDC I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. You’re one of the best gifts life could have ever given me. You’re one of the greatest human beings, dude to me you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met and I’m just so fucking grateful that in less than a year we managed to become best friends. You’ve been so amazing to me and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you :( However I’ve enjoyed every single second that we’ve hung out. Whether it was watching Haikyuu!! or trolling you in ToS, teaching you how to play golf and later minecraft. Our random playful fights on discord or sitting in a call with you till 5 am just talking. Our first time rocket riding or when you first showed me BTS. I’ve enjoyed every single second being in your comforting presence. I fucking mean it when I say you make me the happiest person alive!!! Hopefully you enjoyed having me in your life :3 DUDE everything about you MAN HOLY FUCKING SHIT just I love everything about you like you truly are one of the most stunning, amazing, dorkiest, prettiest, smartest, strongest people that I know. You deserve the fucking universe and I just like fuck I just wanna wrap my arms around you and bury my head in your shoulders and just cry to you about how much I love you. I wanna feel the warmth of your body and be comforted by your energy and just be there hugging you and not wanting to let go :( I’m so happy we were able to meet and I hope you have the greatest birthday you’ve ever had!!! One day I’ll be there in person for your birthday.

- Part Two -

So I want to change the tone up a bit and kind of reflect on some things. If some parts are more serious than gay, I’m sorry but I wanna address some things. First thing I want to mention is that so far we’ve had an amazing friendship, everything about it seems perfect but we’re both mature enough to know even our friendship has flaws. If we want this to last then we both need to be mature about future complications. So far we never really fought or got genuinely mad at each other and I really hope it stays that way but like I said we’re both mature enough to understand that there will be times where we fight or argue and may cause problems. I’m bringing this up because the easy part was getting to that bff level while now the hard part is ensuring we last forever. I have faith that if fights occur we both will act like adults and own up to our actions and we get through any altercations that can cause turmoil between us. Dude ily and this friendship too much to see it end over pity shit so here’s to us working any trouble out together as adults <3 Now I wanna just talk about what you and your presence have meant to me. Kelly you’re by far one of the best things to ever happen to me. In every aspect you’re just too amazing and stunning and it’s just sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you in my life. You’re one of the best humans on this planet and you’re fr a God. I love everything that you and your friendship has bestowed onto my life. You have no idea how grateful I am to have met you and how lucky I am to be living at the same time as you. Dude I’m serious you have made me cry in private because of just all the feelings I have for you. I love you so fucking much that it pains my heart and at times at night I cry because you simply exist. Not to get emo but I fear not death itself but what follows death... The earth is 4.5 billion years old and I only lived 20 years of that and I don’t remember the moment when I took my first breath. So when I die will I even remember my life? Will everything be blank and my existence transcend beyond this realm and into an empty void? This scares me because when I die I might forget you and my own life. I only have one life to live and I just so happened to have fallen in love with you. Now I know you just want to be friends and I respect that but the reason I’m saying all of this is because even as friends please let us make lifetime memories that I can cherish even in my final moments. I don’t want to ever forget you but if death causes us to forget each other and the life we lived then please let me have more memories with you. For about one year worth of being friends, we made some amazing personal memories and I really want to continue making new ones. You became a big aspect of my life now so I don’t want to feel like there’s things that we weren’t able to do. Another thing is we really got to meet up soon. Before 2018 I asked if you saw us meeting irl and you said probably. I never brought it up the subject that we should meet especially throughout the summer since tbh I’m not ready to meet you and also the vibes you give off rn makes it seem that you would see it more of a drag. Hopefully in 2019 we do meet up and you feel so excited to the point you’re running through people just to get to me :3 Seriously I want you to show me Chicago because I hardly explored it myself. Also I promised your little angel of a sister that when I meet you I was going to give you the painting I made for her ^~^ speaking of your siblings (you should feel more happier than I should) but I’m glad CoolGuy and your sister actually love me. It fr warms my heart knowing that they like me and even though I don’t know your other brother, I hope he sees me in the same way that your other siblings do :D I wanna meet your little sister one day and give her the warmest hug ever dude she fr an angel and I love her so much and even though she already knows... I want to tell her in person how much I love her older sibling Kel

- Part 3 -

Okay sorry switching the tone a bit or whatever. Part One being that standard gay msg you’re familiar with and Part Two being some weird shit idek. So for this final part, I wanna just make this something that can bring the biggest smile on your face!!! What better way to approach it by stating that I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH IT ACTUALLY HURTS MY HEART ON GOD. I love that you’re a dork, I love your stupid giggle when we talk, I love making you smile, that damn fucking smile is something I will see with my own two eyes, I love your cheesy jokes/remarks, I love your personality, I love the fact we’re so similar and how we can relate to each other. You’re seriously the best fucking friend I could ever ask for and I’ll always cherish this bond that I was able to make with you dude. I’m never going to find someone else like you. Okay time for some cheesy lines to make you do that damn adorable giggle

- If you were a flower, you’d be a sunflower (my fav flower and it shows that you’re my sun ^~^)

- If you were a book, I’d never put u down jk I’ll slam u on my desk and read u all night long LMFAO jkjk

- If you were a restaurant, you’re ass would fr be a 5 star one cause GODDAMN you’re a whole ass meal. Like the gods fr ain’t have to go all out on creating u :p the fact ur single is fr the 8th wonder of the world

- If I was able to listen to your voice at night, I’d finally be able to sleep with your monotone ass voice LMFAO jkjk I love hearing that warming and comforting voice. Not to be thirsty on main but like I’d fr would love to be in your arms and have you talk with that lovely voice and help me sleep :(

Dude I’m fr so blessed to have met you and I’m just the happiest when I’m with you. Being fr posts like these could never fully grasp how much I actually love you and I just wish for the best for you! I fucking can’t wait to see how successful you’re going to become. You work so damn hard and I’m so fucking proud of everything you’ve achieved so far dude I know this is a weird request but please let me, if possible, be invited to your college graduation :( Like I want you to come to mines as well dude but yeah I want to be there in person and just see your little ass walk on that stage and get the diploma and degree that you’ve spent hours busting ur ass off for. I would fr cry dude being serious like that’s my little Kells, everyone look at them look at how amazing they are :’) Hopefully you love this message and also I hope you do have an amazing birthday <333333 One day I will fill that void in your life and tell you in person how much I love you

Believe it ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

*U call me Naruto from time to time so here’s a perfect gif of how I would actually be irl smiling at ur beautiful ass <3

#Dude u fucking mean the world to me #You're such a special person and a one of a kind #I love you so much more than you could possibly imagine #sorry for being gay but dude i just cant help it #making this post fr made me tear up

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moiraineswife · 6 years

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Percy Meta: Potential

The dam finally broke and now here is the Percy meta that...None of you have really been waiting on, but which has been inevitable for at least two weeks. Most of this is probably like...obvious af, and I’m well aware I’m late to the party but also I feel good about my present state of Revelation so like, deal with it.

This ain’t gonna be short. At all. This ain’t even gonna think about being short. Y’all have been warned.

For a little bit now, I’ve been struggling somewhat between the slight chasm between the way the audience (and me) respond to Percy, and the way Taliesin seems to respond to Percy, mostly in terms of the way they judge/see him, and Taliesin has said several times that he considers Percy to be a bad person which was something my tiny, protective little brain couldn’t wrap its head around. But I think I get it, and I think it has almost 100% to do with the way that Percy sees the world around him.

Percy sees the world in terms of its potential.

Most people see a lump of black powder; Percy sees bullets. Most people see steel and wood; Percy sees a gun. Most people see things as they are; Percy sees them for what they could be.

This is something that drives...A huge amount of his life tbh. All of his tinkering projects emerge from this way of seeing the world. The wheels are always spinning, and he’s always thinking of ways to reinvent the wheel. And then what else he can do with the wheel. And what he can do with that and on and on and on.

I think Percy wanders around a world in which everything he comes across is a raw material. It’s something he can use to make something else, something bigger, something cleverer, something better.

But I ALSO think that this way of thinking is what makes up his sense of morality, as well as his view on the world, and his view on himself.

[Please now venture beneath the cut to continue listening to me cry rivers about Percy de Rolo and his ‘you need a therapist, child’ psychology]

Percy also sees people for their potential. Which makes him incredibly interesting if you rather like picking apart a characters’ sense of morality (which, spoiler alert: I do) Most people, I think, will tend to base their judgements of others on a)- what they do or b)- why they do it.

This gives rise to the ways most people understand the world. They either flat out think: killing is wrong, that is a wrong act, whatever the circumstances. Or they consider, well, yes, killing is wrong in most cases, but if you look at why this person killed - to protect, for instance, then in that case they would forgive. Obviously things get much more nuanced than that, but basically that’s how it goes.

I don’t think Percy really thinks that way. I don’t think he really judges people based on what they’ve done, or why they’re doing it. I think he judges people on what they may do in the future. The more likely they are to do more harm, the worse of a person they are in his eyes.

For context/a source of what sparked all this, I’m in the middle of episode 67 at the moment, and they’re just reintroducing Ripley to the narrative, and Percy is coming to terms with the effect he’s had on her, and the fact that someone else in the world is producing guns - which has the potential to change said world astronomically.

This has produced a lot of Very Telling Percy moments, but the one I’m most thinking about is his reasoning behind why his decision to let Ripley live when they found her in Whitestone was wrong.

Percy sees this in very simple terms, which he explains to Vax and Vex: he should have killed Ripley because she was a greater threat to the world in the future than the Briarwoods were (as far as he understood it at the time). Letting the Briarwoods live would have meant a couple more vampire-things in the world, world’s full of them already, not as big a deal. Letting Ripley live could, in his eyes, cause the deaths of hundreds, if not thousands of people, perhaps more, because of the knowledge that she has, and her potential to unleash his designs and his guns on the world.

This is...A seriously interesting way of looking at things. Especially when you consider the fact that the Briarwoods are like...Solely responsible for the deaths of Percy’s entire family, the loss of his home, the loss of like...Everything, pretty much. If he’s judging people on their past actions he’s got every damn right to consider them as far worse than Ripley.

But he doesn’t. He considers her evil. Purely evil. She is the only thing we’ve seen thusfar that actually scares Percy. Percy who was the first to jump into the swirling ball of fire that took them to the elemental plane. Percy that made a deal with a demon and didn’t truly fear that. Percy who confronted an ancient, soul-devouring sword without so much as blinking. Percy fears Ripley. Percy judges Ripley as the most dangerous, and the most terrible being he has ever encountered, because Percy looks at this woman and doesn’t see what she’s done, doesn’t even really see what she’s presently doing, he sees what she may do in the future, and that is what terrifies him.

But I think this concept gets even MORE interesting when you note that Percy applies this way of thinking to himself.

And I think that THIS is what causes the rift between the way he views himself, and the way the rest of the world (and, out-of-world, the way the audience views him) because we are, essentially, judging two entirely different people.

The people around Percy, and the audience, are responding to Percy in the moment. They’re responding to the Percy that they can see at present.

Percy is judging the Percy that he can see five, ten, twenty years down the line, the monster that man has the potential to become, and the horrifying change he has the potential to wreak upon the world.

Percy takes a strange, twisted almost delight in being mistrusted by those closest to him. When he asks Vax if Vax trusts him and Vax hesitates he isn’t insulted, he isn’t offended, or upset, or unsettled, he is pleased. He encourages this view of himself. And I think this is because he wants those around him to perceive him as he perceives himself, as the threat that he poses, as the thing that he could become.

There was a moment a few episodes back, which I’m sure has been very thoroughly discussed in-fandom already, in which Percy told Vax, “ And in return I ask: never take your eyes off me. Never trust me. And that is the best friend that you can me." And this is absolutely founded on the same logic.

Percy will accept like. Percy will accept friendship. Percy will even, to an extent, accept love, and that those around him love him. The thing Percy will never accept is trust. And I think that is because all of those other things, friendship, and liking, and even love, are all rooted in the present. They’re all immediate, and they don’t carry any kind of impact on the future.

Trust does. Trust implies a certain investment, and trust carries with it a ripple effect. If Percy is trusted in the present, that could lead to some terrible consequences in the future. Trust is based on the potential. It’s based on unknowns - to trust someone is to accept that you don’t fully know what they’ll do, what they’ll choose, but you have faith they’ll do the right thing, and this is what terrifies Percy, I think.

Percy wants to be mistrusted. Percy wants to be watched. Because Percy’s imagination has carried him about six steps ahead of everyone else, and he’s looking at the worst case scenario of the monster he might become, and his rejection of trust is his safeguard against that. If he’s not trusted, if he’s watched, if he’s stopped, then maybe, just maybe, they can avoid that.

And what’s more interesting is that I don’t think any of this is rooted in a desire to palm responsibility off on someone else. Percy has a fairly deep self-awareness, probably too deep, in fact, and for all his flaws, he takes responsibility for himself, for his actions, and for the consequences of those actions. This isn’t about trying to pass blame, this is about his innate fear and mistrust of himself and his desire for others to see that.

And so i think that this is why Percy sees himself as a terrible person, and where that pit of self-loathing in him comes from, that the others have a hard time accepting/coming to terms with (fucking Vax has said he believes Percy to be a good person, like damn son that’s some reference) is that Percy’s judging future!Percy, and everyone else is judging present!Percy.

Because present Percy isn’t, as far as I can see, a terrible person. But Percy is fully aware of the monster that he has the capacity to become. And I think he hates that person, and he hates the fact that the potential of it is inside him as he is, and that’s what causes his judgement of himself, his hatred of himself.

And there’s something...So deeply painful about that. Because in some senses I can almost understand him judging the rest of the world and all the people in it on these terms, especially when the weight of protecting that world has been partially shoved onto Percy’s shoulders. It’s a tactical and it’s a pragmatic and it’s a logical morality, and it’s pretty damn perfect for Percy. He’s able to prioritise and weigh threats, essentially, he’s able to see what’s the biggest threat, and then works to counter that. Very suited for the life of a monster-hunter, and even a soldier to an extent, methinks.

The problem is it’s a less than perfect personal morality. He hates himself for something he may not ever become. He judges himself a monster for things that haven’t yet happened, and may never happen. He hates a thing that is by no means certain, or inevitable, it’s only the faintest shred of a chance, but that alone is enough for him to condemn himself, and that’s a dark, lonely, painful way to live.

And to just dig a little bit deeper (I swear I’m nearly done, I swear) into the veritable goldmine of analysis potential that is Percy de Rolo, this dovetails with another fundamental part of Percy’s character (as far as I see him anyway) which is: legacy.

Percy was born and raised in a noble family, and was probably educated on legacy from the age at which he was able to understand what that word meant. He is literally the walking personification of the concept of legacy. Percy and his nine hundred names has become something of a running joke, I get that, but I also think his emphasis on it is significant for two things:

1)- when he left Whitestone, his name was the only thing of his past that he had left. As far as he knew, his entire family was dead, and his house, lands, people, and future were all in the hands of their killers. 2)- It’s generated, presumably, by various names of historical significance to the de Rolo family, that had to be carried on in Percy the same way a bloodline is carried on. It’s a constant reminder of the pressure to live up to his history, but also to preserve and to continue it. And with Percy as, what he thought for some time, the last de Rolo, that makes this even more of a weight on his shoulders.

He has that beautiful speech during the Westruun arc about how he will live as long as Whitestone lives. It’s a really poignant moment (And I want to know who taliesin jaffe sold his soul to for these lines, but I’ll explore that at a later date) but it’s also super-revealing in terms of Percy.

Percy does not really consider himself in that moment an individual. Percy is a multitude. Percy is the history that has been written, and the history that is yet to be written. He is a single page in a much larger book. And he’s deeply aware, and also deeply comfortable with this ideal. (Which is also very interesting, because most people have trouble when considering their own mortality/limited purpose/place in the grand scheme of the universe)

And what Percy considers ‘the human soul’ in this moment is the things that they build with their ‘tiny moments’. Cities will stand (barring dragon-attacks and death marble destruction) for generations after those that built them set the first stones. Books and historical records will last even longer. But the truly impactful thing here is that Percy considers a person’s soul that which they create, and that which they leave behind.

So, with that in mind, if Percy creates and leaves behind Ripley, and his guns, that makes for a rather twisted, dark, violent soul. He specifically says in that episode that when he doesn’t leave any record of his creations - his notes are destroyed/put away once he’s finished making whatever it is he’s making, and he specifically asks the rest of Vox Machina to destroy all of his creations after he’s gone. He does not want that to be his legacy, he doesn’t want that to be what he leaves behind, he doesn’t want that to be the mark of his human soul on this world.

This all explains why he is so haunted and disturbed by Ripley’s existence, and also why he sees himself as a bad person. And it’s actually a really interesting, nuanced look at the trope of a character being obsessed with their legacy. I think this gives it a real substance, and grounding, and meaning, and feeling. There are reasons behind this, very deep reasons behind this obsession with what he will become, and what he will leave behind, and the fact his moral sense is based on that is even more fascinating and just...All the awards to Taliesin Jaffe for Percy’s character, honestly, because he builds this up so well, and understands and responds to the nuances of Percy’s character and trauma so damn well.

TL;DR: Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III has some very serious psychological scars related to legacy, and is so afraid of what future!Percy may look like, he hates present!Percy for even entertaining the possibility of future!Percy by like...Existing.

Wow this was a marathon. If u got to the end of it a)- thank u and b)- i feel for u bc u probably have as many Percy feelings as me, and correspondingly little soul or heart left so like...I feel for u, friend, I feel for u.

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thestudyfeels · 7 years

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hello there!! have you been doing well, angel? if not, this is a gentle but firm reminder to get your shit together. but hey, why shouldn't you be proud of yourself? you have conquered so many years of your life and - no don't you dare try to be modest, every single tiny achievement matters. + I'm here to tell you that failing is NORMAL. everyone fails at one thing or another but succeed at another. And if you feel that you aren't successful at anything, then darling you haven't tried hard enough. alright alright, before I begin ranting out of the topic, let's get started.

note: this is a part of the get your shit together masterposts. To view the other articles in this category and to view the topics in this that I'll be covering in future, go here.

avoiding negative feelings

the biggest reason why I don't have that many negative thoughts (note that I said "many" and not all. I too have bad days once in a while) now because I realized that I, and only I, am completely on my side. I'm there for me at all times, throughout my life. And doesn't it sound stupid to be against the only player on my team?

once i realized that, it become so much easier to work at par with myself and to love myself. I became more patient with myself, started embracing my flaws and loving the person that I was. sounds pretty cringy? that's only because we don't talk about these things and we feel they aren't worth talking about. However if you really want to conquer life, loving yourself is the most important layer in this many layered cheesecake and yes, i like food.

cheat code: so how do avoid negative feelings? the answer lies in realizing your worth and capabilities and being on the same team as your own self.

dealing with negative feelings

now we come to the part when you are having negative feelings. Everyone has bad days and negative feelings but you can deal with 'em in a better way than feeling low and wasting your entire day. and here's way number one -

figure out what triggered you. when I have a bad day I sit down and list down what exactly provocated the bad day. these were my reasons -

someone said I was being annoying

I didn't get much done that day

I felt gross and untidy

then, find solutions to those problems.

hey, everyone don't have to like you. you are proud of yourself and that's enough.

Make a list. Do those things. I don't care if you're tired, do those things. If you don't do them, you'll feel guilty and that's never fun.

god, just go take a shower again. (taylor, you stink.)

as you see, the problems were really petty and solutions are pretty simple. but remember that these problems aren't negligible. this method works bc once you figure out solutions to them, you figure out a method how to fight them so that the same problems to affect you again. Now I know that when I feel gross I need to take a shower and not roam around like a stinky animal. See what I mean?

lastly, realize that these things are not worth you losing control of yourself and walking around like a dead zombie #rip.

sometimes I have negative feelings because I feel under confident or not sure about something. when this happens, which leads me to way number two - I have a convo with myself.

ok mate, why do you feel down? um I don't feel sure about this presentation. what if I screw this up? what if the teacher is like this is so shit?? what if I never get to eat donuts again???

seriously? well, I can assure you that donuts aren't going extinct. as for this interview, listen child. you have prepared for this shit, you can do it. doN'T freak out and don't think you can't ace this. you can, trust me.

talking to myself not only helps calm me down but also gives me a sense of purpose. That I have promised myself to ace this and I cannot let myself down.

loving yourself

understanding why

why should you love yourself?

bc you yourself crave the feeling to be loved. isn't being in love simply magical? Well, so is being in love with yourself. it is even more magical tbh. this is bc you are with yourself 24/7 and when you start loving yourself you become much more aware of yourself and you have able to work much better since you are able to identify your flaws and strengths. Remember when you used to bitch about that girl on whom every guy had a crush and you none? (same fam #LongLiveTheHobos) Turns out that someone does have a huge crush on you. Love yourself, your brain craves for you.

take yourself out on dates

raise your hand if you think dates are great. I agree. They are even better when you go out to a restaurant bc like food is great. it is super important that you take your own self out of dates and not only bc you are hungry but bc a conqueror (yAS THOSE ARE MY PEOPLE) knows the value of taking time off for himself. These are not simply slogging through the weekend and binge watching Netflix, mind you. That's a huge waste of time, froind. A conqueror makes a date official. cheat code: remember that your dates have to be memorable and most importantly, well earned. Here's a checklist to make your dates more special.

positive energy, check.

more smiles and hugs, check.

a happy mindset, check.

and how about a list of things that you can do for yourself?

the turn a bad day around challenge

here's the first challenge of the get your shit together series! I introduced this bc readers said that the topics on here were easy to say but harder to carry out.I do agree with that but hey, I never said that getting your shit together would be easy. by completing the challenges you can implement the ideas I'm trying to propagate here and also get a feel of having that particular area under your control.

task one: when you are having a bad day, sit down. list down the reasons why it was a bad day and why are you feel down. it can be as simple as not getting enough sleep and feeling grumpy.

task two: list down the solutions that you can use to overcome those problems.

task three: remind yourself that these petty problems cannot cost you your valuable time and that you are a badass bitch and you can handle everything.

task four: make a to-do list. I know you haven't done no shit today so now is the time to shine. don't put like a thousand things on the list tho lmao. three - four would do enough for the moment.

task five: do those things. seriously, do them.

task six: (and this is the nicest one) treat yo'self!! you have literally turned around a bad day and done so much shit! you have successfully conquered this day, a day which would have been spent lamenting and getting nothing done. maybe go treat yourself to some delicious pumpkin pie from a bakery (share with me pls); you really do deserve it!! I'm so proud of you :^)

and that's it, it's a wrap! if you have any questions/suggestions regarding anything I said up there (or maybe you just wanna talk about food), feel free to send in a message! my other masterposts are here and to request a masterpost, leave your question in my ask box!

I hope you all are well, stay safe and conquer life, you amaze conqueror :")

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dancing-sewer-daddy · 6 years

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All of them bc i'm so bored too and i can't sleep (ily btw) ❤

ahhhh anon you lil sweetheart!!!!! *wraps you up in a blanket burrito with me* I loves you too!!!! *cracks knuckles* okie time to get to work!!

0) Height: 5′1

1) Age: 18

2) shoe size: I’m a size 4 and a half in women’s (I HAVE TINY FEET)

3) Do you smoke? Nope

4) Do you drink? nope

5) Do you take drugs? sugar is the only drug i need

6) Age you get mistaken for: I have a baby face and I’m super small so I’d say 14 is usually the age I get mistaken for

7) Have tattoos? I don’t have any yet

8) Want any tattoos? If i were to get tattoos I’d like something to do with butterflies because i’ve been associated with them my whole life!

9) Got any piercings? nope (I’m boring I’m sorry)

10) Want any piercings? No, because I don’t think I’d have the patients to keep it in all the time and take care of it. (I’d probably lose it when I’d take it out tbh)

11) Best friend? sherbet is always there for me when I need it.

12) Relationship status: Single and too shy to mingle

13) Biggest turn ons: Deep sensual voices, I’m a sucker for accents, someone who can take the lead because I’m such an awkward dork I’d never initiate anything. Someone who makes me feel loved, or just does little things for me because they feel like it (I become mush when I meet someone sweet)

14)Biggest turn offs: Fuckboys, just plain arrogant people (ugh), someone who clearly only wants sex. People who put others down or consider themselves superior.

15) Favourite movie: IT 2017 and Step brothers (I can quote the entire movie)

16) I’ll love you if: You’re someone who is honest with me and someone who I know will look out for me. Loyalty is everything to me, and if I know I can trust you then you’ll have me forever!!

17) Someone you miss: I won’t say I miss anyone right now because compared to how I’ll feel when my parents pass away, this will be nothing.

18) Most traumatic experience: Highschool, Daycare, and Kindergarten (it’s a long story) (if you’re curious you can always message me)

19) A fact about your personality: I’m a really sensitive person. Like i’ll definitely go cry if someone raises their voice at me. I’ll also mull over an insult for days even though I try not too. I’ll even sometimes tear up if someone I don’t know very well is just a loud obnoxious person. If I know you though then we’re fine and I’ll be loud with you.

20) What I hate most about myself: My face, I am really insecure about my face and I’ll always cover it if I laugh or smile.

21) What I love most about myself: My hair, like when I shave my legs barely any hair comes back!! It takes a month before the hair starts to show.

22) What I want to be when I get older: An art teacher (highschool)

23) My relationship with my sibling(s): I have a really good relationship with my brother, we always forgive each other after arguments (which we don’t have too often) We’re both pretty passive.

24) My relationship with my parent(s): My relationship with my mom is good, however my relationship with my father is quite strained. He can really get on my nerves and just downright puts me down at times.

25) My idea of a perfect date: Just chilling out together honestly. Eat pizza, watch stupid movies, beat the ever living shit out of each other on video games. I like being outdoors don’t get me wrong, but I need to feel comfortable around that person and take some time to get to know them. I’m not all that fancy. Dinner dates scare the crap out of me.

26) My biggest pet peeves: People who chew loudly, people who constantly make you repeat yourself and then continue to ignore you.

27) A description of the girl/boy I like: Orange hair, plump red lips, large melon forehead, piercing yellow eyes, bunny teeth, a child eating alien who’s favourite flavour is fear. He lives in the sewers but that’s all good, we all have our flaws~

28) A description of the person I dislike the most: weird orange hair, old, angry pouty lips, happens to be the American president.

29) A reason I’ve lied to a friend: usually it has to do with not replying to a text they sent because I was just too lazy but I didn’t want to hurt their feelings.

30) What I hate the most about work/school: The anxiety I get when I go there.

31) What my last text message says: FEED ME DAMMIT!!

32) What words upset me the most: ugly, incompetent, worthless

33) What words make me feel best about myself: “other people get anxious too”, “you’re not alone”.

34) What I find attractive in women: Strong willed, a dry sense of humour, I guess someone more dominant than me??? A firecracker!! I just really love women with confidence!! Like I have the biggest crush on Alex Vause from “orange is the new black”. I don’t know why, but I just do. *rolls away*

35) What I find attractive in men: Umm the only guy I’ve ever been really attracted too is Tom Hiddleston?? So yeah, just be like Tom and I’ll immediately swoon. Also BTS, like I’m really into more feminine men?? LIKE HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR THIGHS!?!?? *weeps*

36) Where would I like to live: In my bed. Let me stay in my cozy blankets forever please and thank!!

37) One of my insecurities: walking. I know it sounds stupid but I seriously stress about how to walk so much like what do I do with my hands??? How do legs work?? I constantly need to hold something to feel at ease.

38) My childhood career choice: An assassin lol. I had big plans as a kid i guess.

39) My favourite ice-cream flavour: coconut!!

40) Who I wish I could be: Let me go live the dream in Tamriel (skyrim) and be the dragonborn. I’d probably die in the first five minutes but it would be soworth it.

41) Where I want to be right now: with @tilltheweedstakeyou watching the hobbit and eating ice-cream or something. I just really want snuggles rn ;w;💕.

42) The last thing I ate: air. Like i’ve eaten absolutely nothing today.

43) Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately: Tom Hiddleston!!!! My boy!!!!

44) A random fact about anything: I nearly drowned at the bottom of the pool during lifeguard training when my partners dropped the spinal board I was strapped to. My instructor immediately jumped in to rescue me!

#anonymous #answered #long post #wow this took a while to write 😂#but thank you sweet anon #it was a good distraction #*tackles* I loves you too #💕💕💕

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mahaliciously · 7 years

Text

Atlantis

Rejoice children, for I have finally contributed to the Overwatch fandom with something other than memes.

I’m also choosing to contribute under the flag of my favourite pairing, sadly a rare one, but it’s okay because content is made to be created and I just loved every second of writing this thing!!

It unexpectedly turned out much longer than the initial headcanon suggested, but it’s definitely for the best since it constituted a solid character study for me that’ll help me for my future writings :D

SPECIAL KUDOS TO THE ANON WHO ASKED ME AFTER THE ONESHOT HERE IT IS AND TO THE LOVELY @xallyxcatxs, @tart276 and @gngu FOR THEIR NEVERENDING SUPPORT AND KETTLE NOISES LMAO

burn in cybun hell

And of course, special thanks to @b3tar3ad3r for the beta :D I recommend going to them in case you need help!

IF YOU LIKED THE ONESHOT, DON’T FORGET TO SUPPORT IT BY REBLOGGING IT OR BY CHECKING MY AO3, IT’S UP THERE AS WELL! O/

archiveofourown: click here!

Word count : 8915

She wouldn’t have been able to tell when her heart had started to ache at the thought of him, or when she’d started to miss her shots when she’d hear him laugh through the voice chat. Wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint the exact moment the stories he told her about his love conquests had started to sting, or when she’d stopped making fun of the girls he’d had wrapped around his fingers like rings.

‘yo d.va when u gonna invite genji and lucio again on one of ur streams??’

Hana Song briefly glanced at the Twitch chat before taking down an enemy to her left, swallowing a curse.

‘so trueeee,’ another message chanted. ‘genji was so cute i love his voice’

‘how about lucio? dat dude is a human puppy lmao’

‘rofl’

The chat box was hectic, messages piling up at an incredible speed, english and korean weaving all over the screen. It didn’t bother Hana who was used to the fraction of a second she had to keep up with the fleeting topics and requests. Her bubble gum popped as she eliminated another enemy with a headshot and she readjusted her camera.

“Aww look at this,” she chimed teasingly. “I used to like Lucio and Genji but it does seem like they’re causing my own fanbase to neglect me now.”

The chat exploded with new messages and she smiled for the camera. Inside, she was pretty much crumbling.

She had organised that last-minute stream in hopes to keep her mind off her budding crush and the existential crisis that had come along with it. Instead, her fans had been spamming her for more content with her friends, and by extension, with the one person she was trying to distract herself from.

She almost felt like sighing, though she knew the camera and the attentive eyes that were watching her wouldn’t miss it. She glanced again at the chat box.

‘just genji x d.va gameplay tbh he’s got some dope skills i want to see competition between them’

Her heart jolted in her chest and she missed. The split second was enough to take her down. The camera switched to the kill cam, a flashy crimson message announcing her death as she popped another gum bubble. She almost winced at the ridiculous come and go her character had made that caused its death killed. She’d hesitated.

It was over for her and she didn’t feel like spectating the rest of the game, so she reported her full attention to the chat. What was this ridiculous suggestion to stay in a room alone with Genji Shimada and play videogames until she died of a heart attack?

Impossible.

But it annoyed her more than it embarrassed her. Or maybe a bit of both.

Because she could have organised that a few weeks ago. She could have invited him over platonically, wrecked his ass and watched her entire fanbase cheer for her. Just like she would have invited Lucio today.

But now she couldn’t.

She wouldn’t have been able to tell when her behaviour had changed, but she could guess the trigger. Maybe that one drunk night they’d spent playing a certain dumb fps game was at cause. Maybe finding her intoxicated self on top of him was the reason she couldn’t stare at him anymore without thinking “I want to spend more time this close to him” and “He’s actually pretty cute”. Maybe that was karma getting back at her for all the girls she’d made fun of.

“Alright,” she announced to the camera, waving. “Sounds like that’s gonna be all for today! Stay cool buns, until next time... Love, D.va!”

She grinned, smile as practiced as it could be, fingers into her signature V right before she turned off her camera with her other hand. She only breathed then.

There was no way in hell she could allow herself to fall for the 24-year-old ninja.

Genji Shimada, playboy extraordinaire, was not the kind of guy she’d let herself be involved with romantically. He was one of her closest friends, too precious to lose over a crush, and her ego would never let her drop to the level of the many girls who pooled at his feet. They had a precise friendship that revolved around platonic, shameless flirting and the certainty that she was the girl he’d never have, he the guy who’d never pursue her. It was but a constant verbal sparring that rhythmed their every interaction. Sass against sass. The very origin of their friendship. Their daily dose of challenge.

Truth be told, he was a lot of great things. He was handsome, even with that ridiculous dyed hair of his, funny, a bit of an asshole but caring still, and he was amazing to hang out with. Along with Lucio, they consisted of a great trio.

Genji was the kind arrogant, Lucio the resident puppy, always happy and idealistic, supporting but probably with one of the greatest senses of humour she’d seen in years, and she was the diva, the princess. All three of them were pretty much a walking disaster. Their brains together only amounted to ridiculous ideas like using Lucio’s speed boost to race on a frozen lake and crash into the snow at the speed of fast, or making fidget spinners out of Genji’s shuriken. They’d gotten a bunch of bruises, but a lot of outweighing laughs and she cherished those two idiots more than she’d care to admit.

Becoming close friends with Genji irremediably led to discover that beyond the playboy reputation and the biting sarcasm, he was a loyal friend. He was boastful, barely ever serious. He was terribly friendly, making everyone at ease in matters of seconds, breaking down fights with a couple of jokes any chance he got. She suspected that was a safe reason that led the girls to run to him in bunches. He was quite like the sun. Summer-like. That, and there was his catastrophic flirting.

He was smooth, she’d concede. But ask her secondhand observer side and she could think of a bunch of hilarious pearls she’d teased him with over the years.

But he wasn’t a sun. Or maybe his rays shone so bright they blinded people and kept them from seeing the deep cracks he bore. Just like any human being. She knew that sometimes he liked to sit on his own because being so social exhausted him, she knew that his gaze got lost more often than he’d like to admit, lost in a whirlwind of doubts he bragged about not having. Like if he’d hurt someone with his raw, spontaneous humour, or if he could have done things better.

She knew he dreamed of travels and adventures, knew that he scolded himself for knowing his flaws but never fixing them. He was a child guilty of acting like a child.

And though she didn’t have the same issues as him, she understood them.

But what had definitely moved her was the intensity of his gaze on that night. There had only been the flashing lights of her screens, sculpting his features, maybe dotting his black eyes as he looked up at her. His cheeks had been almost as red as hers from the alcohol, indicative of the obvious drunkenness of her friend. But it shouldn’t have been weird seeing how they’d played drunk a bunch of times before. Definitely shouldn’t have. She’d been laughing, they may have been playing that game where he holds her wrists and she has to push him back because she was a very strong lady. And she’d been. He had still been holding her wrists in his hands, her own chestnut hair framing his face as she looked down at him. His gaze hadn’t been really focused, hazed by the liquor’s effect, but it had never left hers until he’d pulled her to him and his arms had slithered around her petite figure, wrapping themselves around her. It had taken her a moment to realise he was hugging her.

She’d felt his chest against her face, rising and dropping steadily, smelled his woody perfume mixed with sweat and booze and it should have felt familiar. There had been something in the beating of his heart against her ear though, and she’d loved the warmth of his arms, the little drum of his fingers against the small of her back before he’d said:

“I love you.”

Hana groaned at the memory, shaking her head to snap herself back to reality. It hadn’t meant anything. It had been a platonic confession. The kind they threw at each other to joke around, or to really appreciate each other as friends. Because love was way more than the eros and the grand amour. It was something she firmly believed should be told more without any over calculation.

But in the dim light of her room that night, tangled in a messy hug with her friend, lulled by his breathing and the buzz of her console, her heart had fluttered before she’d fallen asleep, and it had been her biggest mistake.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the 8-bit ringtone of her phone and a familiar contact picture lighting up the rectangular screen of the device.

“Hey there, frogman,” she picked up, trying to sound as enthusiastic as humanly possible.

She could feel Lucio roll his eyes before he even spoke. “It’s Mr. Frogman thank you very much.”

“Sure, frogman,” she replied, teasing. “What’s up?”

“Eh well, the usual,” the musician chuckled. “Just wondering if you have any time to kill with Genj and I?”

Once again, she hesitated. It wasn’t like her, but the bubble of unease that was growing in her chest was distracting her coherent thoughts. She opened her mouth, hoping that it would help her brain form a faster sentence, but she couldn’t decide whether to say yes or no. She knew that Lucio wouldn’t press if she refused, and she was afraid to be disappointed at the beep of her phone when he’d hang up.

She bit her lip. “I don’t really know… I could but probably not for long.”

“Feeling sick?”

“Not really, just meh,” she said with a humourless puff, chewing on her gum.

“Huh,” Lucio acquiesced. “Well we’ll get you better. Healing beats by yours truly and all.”

She really laughed this time. A small, but genuine laugh that cheered her up instantly.

“Okay fine, I’ll see you in 20.”

Swiftly, she jumped into her trainers and grabbed her headphones. That along with her phone and portable console were all she needed in her sweatshirt’s pockets to exit the flat and head towards their usual spot, the arcade square.

The weather was fairly nice for an autumn day. She’d grown used to the occasional chill and the complete closet confusion in the morning. She still loved the salted remnants of summer that floated in the air but preferred the calm and peace of office days. The streets were mostly empty, shops deserted from the jam of customers that came in the evenings and weekends, an occasional laughter from one of the nearby cafés would break the tranquility of the walk. As Hana approached the arcade, the city sounds shifted and fluctuated, roadworks and klaxons replacing the flutter of the trees and the exclamations of children in their courtyard, gasoline perfumes weaving with that of coffee and urine. The sun reflected on the glass windows of skyscrapers and towers, its rays slithering their way through the buildings to lit up the cold, shadowed avenues below as she hurried down the underground entrance. A puff of heat welcomed her when she walked down the stairs, the smell of rubber and iron filling her nostrils, chatter and screeching trains swallowing the noises of the city as she aptly made her way through the wide, tunnel-like corridors of the station. It was a common thing to use the tangle of underground networks to avoid the stoplights and the many avenue crossings, and to Hana, it was more convenient as every single crossroads below had far more indications than the streets and the boulevards above.

She let out a sigh when she finally exited the underground to find the flashy neons of the arcade facing her. Lucky for her, her usual spot with her friends was right outside the station, a little square lost between towering buildings that seemed to have forgotten its existence. As such, there was one old tree in the middle, a couple of broken benches, a café and the arcade. The location was meant to be in a fancy business neighbourhood, but the spot had become so hidden by the city’s continuous metamorphosis that it was mostly frequented by students and a few hippy omnics.

She spotted her friend’s ponytail on the first glance.

“Yo Lucio!” she called, grinning.

“Hana,” the young man exclaimed with a soft smile, pushing off his headphones as he stood up to greet her. “You ready?”

“To beat highscores? Always,” she said before looking around. “Where’s Genji?”

She nervously avoided eye contact as she asked the question, which was in itself a very bad idea since the whole point was for him not to suspect a thing. She scratched her arm and forced herself to look back at her friend, adding a smile for good measure. Lucio didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he frowned and focused his entire attention on her. In that instant, she could feel her own heart stumbling like a cartoon character, panic clutching it under the observing eyes of the musician. She caught her breath, widened her smile in hopes to get him off her back. Finally, he shrugged.

“Saw that college freshman from the other day and followed her inside.”

Ouch.

“Of course,” she said with a nervous laugh. “Typical Genji.”

“Right,” Lucio answered, raising a dubious eyebrow.

Sensing the danger, Hana grabbed him by the hand and pulled him after her and into the arcade. The air was cooler inside, due to the many air vents that peppered the walls. It was dimmer there, blues and pinks lighting the huge room and the machines, green strobes running around the walls and the floor. She glanced around and spotted Genji at a shooting machine, not so far from the entrance. There was a girl with him, more specifically in his arms as he seemingly showed her how to use the plastic gun to shoot the enemies.

From where she stood, Hana couldn’t hear much of their conversation, but she could see the way the girl’s shoulders shook in hilarity, the closeness of their two bodies, the way his thumb gently stroke the back of her hand. His mouth was on her neck, hovering, teasing until he pressed a quick kiss under her jaw. When she blushed, he flashed a satisfied smile, borderline smirk that Hana knew by heart. The girl smiled to herself, elated, and moved a bit closer to him. Too busy to flirt, she missed the shot and looked taken aback by the game over screen, causing Genji to chuckle in her neck and nuzzle her.

It was a sight Hana was used to. She’d seen him coax a thousand of girls before, walked on him making out with a thousand more and teased another thousand if they came asking after Genji. She found it funny, entertaining, didn’t mind the PDA. It had become the usual and he barely even flinched whenever she or Lucio would stumble upon him with a girl, almost said hi and asked about their day.

Well, they had limits. Wouldn’t barge in during more private activities.

It was therefore a sight she was used to. But now she was envious. Envious of the way the girl’s hair curled around his shoulder, her hand under his, the giggles that escaped her tangerine lips. She wanted his arm around her waist too, and his hair tickling her temples and his soft chuckle in her ear. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be one of those stupid girls she laughed at.

Her chest swelled with an all too painful sadness. Envy was a terrible emotion. It didn’t come with jealousy or directed anger, it just nibbled at her, brought doubts and fears and swallowed her whole as she sat alone in her room.

Envy was the very reason she was so upset with herself. For allowing herself to stoop so low, for wishing something she mocked so much. She shouldn’t be crushing on Genji. She shouldn’t wish to be a weak girl, a toy. He would probably be too afraid to ruin their friendship, so she couldn’t even stand where that girl did. He would try to reject her as gently as possible, probably feel bad, she would smile. She would understand that he valued her too much to play with her, that she deserved a real relationship, a caring boyfriend.

And yet… She ached for his touch, and it killed her inside.

She felt something around her hand snap her back to reality, and she glanced down to see that Lucio was tightening his grip. She noticed he was responding to her own steel-tight grasp and that she’d been crushing his hand for the past couple of minutes. She abruptly let go and wondered in panic if she’d outed herself to her friend.

“Wow they’ve brought a new machine!” she announced excitedly to hide her embarrassment, cheeks burning. “Sounds like a new highscore for me to set!”

In an attempt to convince him of her genuineness, she turned around and accompanied her exclamation with a little V sign and a wink:

“MVP D.va ready to rekt.”

“Get good D.va, I already set the highscore to beat.”

She jumped when she felt an arm around her shoulders. Only the familiar woody scent and silvery voice allowed her to put a name on their owner. That, and the more unsafe skip of her heart. She took a short breath.

“Do you hear something, Lucio?” she asked, looking away to dissimulate her sudden difficulty to breathe. “It sounds pretty distant, can’t understand a word. Could it be… A scrub?”

“Wow,” Genji gasped. “How could you call me a scrub? After everything we’ve been through.”

“I have sudden amnesia.”

“You mean you forgot our bonding episode over the delicacies of ramen?”

“Completely.”

Genji gasped again. Louder. More dramatically. The sight was funny, quite Genji-like, and just as expected, his honeyed chuckle followed the antic. Hana felt a little flick on her cheek and almost jumped when she felt his breath tickle her ear:

“You look out of it, could it be you’re jealous?”

She almost choked on her saliva as alarms started blaring in her head.

“Please do enlighten me,” she scoffed, not quite looking at him yet. “I can’t seem to catch what I’m apparently jealous of.”

She knew he was smirking as he leaned closer to her ear, murmuring:

“I saw you looking at us moments ago.”

“Saw me? You mean you look at other girls while flirting with one?” she tried, firming her trembling voice with a huff. “Aren’t you the one trying too hard to make me jealous?”

He laughed and she finally felt his weight on her lessen.

“Can’t blame a man for trying,” Genji conceded, shoving his hands in his pockets as he briefly greeted Lucio with a grin.

“Man you guys should totally sort out this tension you two have going on,” Lucio declared, crossing his arms with a little disappointed shake of the head. “The air is getting hard to breathe lately.”

He chuckled.

“Nah,” the ninja replied. “Might miss our back and forths. Genji and D.va, D.va and Genji, how could I ruin our mythical duo? We’re tension builders.”

“He can’t stand ramyun,” Hana commented. “I’m not going out with a wimp who can’t stand spicy food.”

Genji clutched his chest. “Shots have been fired. Lucio, I need healing.”

Their banter was interrupted by an excited squeal from behind Hana. Turning around, she saw the college girl excitedly skip in front of the arcade machine.

“Genji, look!” she exclaimed. “I did it! I killed the boss!”

“See,” Genji cheered, walking back to his companion. “Told you I had a radar for talented girls.”

The girl blushed lightly, flattered by the compliment. Hana watched her look up at him when he reached her, and she could’ve sworn the girl was dying to kiss him. The sight was painfully evident, and though she knew Genji would undoubtedly play with her for a few days before granting her wish, Hana felt repulsed by her obviousness. How much respect was there in not being hard to get?

She rolled her eyes and sighed, meeting Lucio’s gaze as she turned back.

“You totally like him,” he said, taunting her with the biggest shit eating grin.

“I totally don’t,” she protested.

“Oh come on,” he pressed, wrapping an affectionate arm around her shoulders. “You know you can tell Papa Lucio anything. Especially things he’s already figured out.”

“I don’t see what you’re talking about.”

“You totally do.”

“No, I don’t.”

“It’s okay, no need to beg me, fofinho. I’ll wingman you.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”

Lucio looked at her for a full second, studying her silently. “I’ll read that as a yes.”

“It’s not!”

D.va pulled her hood over her head, tugging at the fabric to cover half her face as she groaned. What was her life?

“We’re just friends and that’s how it should stay,” she declared, revealing her eyes from under the hood. “That’s just how we roll. You know it.”

A giggle erupted from where the lovey-dovey couple was standing and D.va couldn’t suppress a wince.

“I’m just a bit touchy lately,” she concluded.

Lucio watched her without a word. His gaze had softened, stance more relaxed as he closed the gap between them. He put his hands on her cheeks and squeezed them, giving her a funny fish face as he did so.

“You know,” he said with a smile. “Reality is the mirror of our very own consciousness. What we notice. Change, on the other hand, is what we realise. And maybe it’s our inability to fathom the entire picture that deceives us into thinking that everything is only what we’ve been, up until now, conscious of.”

She pouted, shoving her hands in her sweatshirt pockets, but didn’t answer.

“In other words… You gotta let the beat drop when it has to drop,” he added, laughing. “That’s always the best part of the song.”

This time, she couldn’t help the little smile that tugged at her lips. “That’s pretty deep, Mr. Frogman.”

“Of course it’d be,” he chuckled. “Wouldn’t be selling albums if it weren’t.”

“Still waiting for that autograph, by the way.”

“Still waiting for yours.”

She laughed. There was a part of truth in Lucio’s words, probably when it came to how focused she was on her own interpretation. But it was only in part, and she’d been brooding on her situation long enough to be overwhelmed by fears and doubts. She wasn’t convinced. The change had been too sudden, and it had probably affected her only.

Genji couldn’t be crushing back on her.

Her mulling was interrupted when Genji walked back to them.

“Hana, Lucio, let me introduce you to Aya,” the sparrow’s familiar, cheerful voice chirped. “I asked if she’d like to join us for the day, if you don’t mind of course. Lucky for me, she said yes.”

Oh how Hana knew where Genji was getting to. Knew that he hadn’t mentioned any friends whatsoever. Knew that he was toying with the poor Aya, and her expression as she realised it wasn’t a date was priceless. The little twitch of her smile as she tried to keep a polite face, tried to hide her disappointment. Her gaze lasted a bit longer on D.va, probably measuring how much of a competition she represented. It was petty, but necessary, and Hana was more than used to the calculating gazes of Genji’s conquests. Sometimes, she’d pretend her and Lucio were a thing to get them off her back, or on the contrary, taunt them shamelessly by flirting openly with Genji. The urge for the latter was the strongest in that instant, despite Hana’s emotional confusion. She was a gamer, a challenger, and her passion for games was the hardest to fight.

Pulling out her tongue, she V signed over her eye and stared directly at Aya, taunting.

“As for this beautiful lady,” Genji continued, battling to keep a straight face at Hana’s antic as he pulled Aya closer. “She’s a foreign student going for a history degree, and very probably my heart. I guess you can just call her Mrs. Shimada already.”

Hana rolled her eyes. “Here I thought that title was reserved for me.”

“Should’ve stated your claim on my heart before, darling,” he replied with a smirk. “You took your time and got caught off guard.”

“I don’t need flirting lessons from you, honey,” she scoffed.

“Graciously offering my help only to be brushed off like a mere peasant, do you see that Aya dear?”

The young woman made a tight smile, as though she didn’t feel comfortable with the faked tension. Still, Genji was surefooted and Hana watched him lean in to murmur something in Aya’s ear. It seemed to lighten the mood from the way her features relaxed and she wrapped herself around his arm.

Hana knew that Genji would never badmouth her, that she was sure of. But the intimacy stung, and it took her inhuman efforts to keep a smile plastered all over her face as she watched the two together.

“So how about that new arcade game?” Lucio asked in an attempt to break the tension. “Maybe we should grab something to eat first?”

“Totally,” Genji acknowledged with a strong nod. “I’m starving.”

The DJ gallantly offered his arm to D.va as they walked towards the food court. Gladly, she took it and instinctively moved away from the couple, rather focusing on the arcade machines and the various players. There were younger gamers, boys hanging out together to beat each other’s scores, girls gathering around dance machines or air-hockey tables. Many couples were meeting up at the arcade too, as it called for proximity and adrenaline. Their own voices gradually died in the mayhem of bgm and sound effects as they got closer to the snack bar. There were a few free tables, wobbly, missing a few chairs, but the group settled at one regardless.

It was Lucio and Genji who offered to get the orders, and soon Hana was left alone with the college girl. Though it should’ve been uncomfortable, both girls barely gauged each other, one checking her phone, the other pulling out her portable console to resume her platform game.

Despite the buzz around them, the silence that weighed on them was particular. None could tell if it was rivalry or just plain disinterest that filled the air between them. Not even them. It was just there. An unqualifiable silence.

“Do you think I should pursue this with Genji?” Aya asked finally. She’d said that without looking up from her phone, nails swiftly tapping the tactile screen as she typed.

Hana played with the stylus caught between her teeth, eyes glued on the jumping character of her game. She felt her heart skip a beat at Aya’s question, making her wary of herself.

“What do you mean?” she asked nonchalantly.

“Well,” the college girl elaborated. “You two seem pretty close. I’m not looking for anything serious, but I also don’t want to get caught into any drama between you guys. I have better things to do than play third wheel. So I’m asking for your opinion, because I don’t want to be a thorn in your side.”

Hana blinked.

No, she was supposed to say. Genji is a famous playboy, so it’s kind of our game to flirt back and forth. It’s got nothing to do with any feelings between us! I’m not crushing on him or anything like that. I’m just teasing you. Just enjoy your time with him. If it’s not you, it’ll be another girl.

It sounded more like an inner ramble than a potentially coherent answer. There was no way D.va could say that out loud without sounding like she was desperately looking for an excuse. It looked meek even to her.

Focusing back on her game, she didn’t answer immediately, rather clearing the level until she spoke again.

“There’s no way you could be a thorn in my side since there’s nothing going on between Genji and I.”

“Is it?”

“I don’t see why there should be.”

“Maybe there is,” Aya retorted, flashing a glance towards Hana. “At least from the way I see it.”

The gamer girl pressed the last jump button before the checkpoint and let her character fall into the river. Only then did she look up at the other girl and smirked.

“Are you shipping us, by any chance? Because we do have this one fanclub…”

Aya rolled her eyes with a little laugh. “That’s ridiculous. But it is true that you’d make a nice couple. Maybe Genji’s right. You’re the problem.”

Hana raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not my role to nudge,” the girl answered with a contrite shrug, smiling.

The girl’s smile seemed genuine, which felt weird considering all the mean glances D.va had grown used to over the years. It made it difficult to be upset at this strange girl, and Hana didn’t like one bit of it. It put her off guard, brought down her sarcasm defenses and made them inadequate.

She was confused. She didn’t know what any of Lucio or Aya’s words truly meant. It felt as though they knew so much more than they wanted to let on, and it drove her crazy. They were evasive, puzzling, and she couldn’t figure out a reasonable reason to justify it. A reason her defenses would appreciate. She liked clear objectives, clear instructions.

Not half sentences she couldn’t allow herself to interpret.

She couldn’t afford a game over.

“You shouldn’t bother yourself with interpretations,” she said, though her voice sounded smaller than she would’ve liked as she looked back at her console. “If you’re not looking for anything serious, Genji is the right pick. You’ll both enjoy it.”

Aya couldn’t answer as the boys came back, putting down their trays as they resumed their festive conversation, roaring with laughter. Under normal circumstances, Hana would have joined, bullying them to get them to share the topic. Obviously, they’d tease her, Lucio would pull his signature “Why are you so angry” line as she’d feign being mad. It would probably end with her challenging them to the arcade games in exchange for their apologies, with Lucio breaking the highscore of the dance machine, and Genji fighting body and soul to beat D.va’s shooting game score.

But this time, she was silent, focused on her own little game, barely caring about the surrounding noise. She had too much to sort out and only the repetitive jumps of the character emptied her mind from the anarchy of her thoughts.

She felt upset and confused, and not where she needed to be in that instant.

For the first time in ages, D.va, the outgoing cheeky world renowned gamer, ached for silence and solitude.

“Oh no, my smoothie is already empty.”

“Thirsty much, babe?” asked a playful Genji.

“Very funny,” Aya answered, probably rolling her eyes in amusement.

“Well I do hear that pretty often so… I think I can safely highlight that as one of my many qualities.”

Aya laughed and Hana almost cringed when she felt Genji’s leg under the table as he moved closer to the college girl.

“I’ll go get you a drink,” he announced finally, voice dripping with cajolery.

He stood up, his chair creaking as he pushed it back but was interrupted by Aya’s sudden exclamation.

“Hold on,” she said. “I’ll just come with you.”

And she did, couple walking away, arm in arm as they murmured things in each other’s ears. It was in that instant that Hana made the mistake to look up and meet Genji’s gaze, looking back at her even as he had another girl with him, even as he walked in the opposite way and had no reason to be glancing in her direction.

It had been fast, lightning fast but it had been enough to tighten the knot in Hana’s chest. The knot she’d been carrying ever since Lucio had implied that there could be more than friendship towards her from Genji’s part. The knot that had grown unbearable as Aya implied that she was a problem, that she was a coward. Because none of them knew how much she valued Genji, and how devastated she would be if she were to lose it all.

She felt dizzy, nauseous almost, the sounds around her merging into the most disastrous of cacophonies. She needed to leave.

“Lucio, I think I’m gonna go,” she managed to say as she stood up.

“Are you sure? We haven’t even played yet,” her friend replied, worry starting to paint itself on his face.

“Yeah, I just don’t really feel like it today.”

She smiled at him, shrugging. She was becoming a great actress, even though she knew Lucio was smarter than that. It also meant he wouldn’t press because he knew.

“Okay,” he said. “Just stay safe, okay?”

“I promise, I’m a big girl.”

She hugged him before leaving. A tight hug, the kind that didn’t really need any words, any language. The kind to which he responded with the same strength, if not more. It was comfortable, comforting, familiar. She needed the warmth and the understanding of her best friend, the calm drum of his heart to soothe her and the rugged texture of his dreadlocks tickling familiarly her cheek.

“Don’t worry too much about this, Bunny Hop,” he murmured in her ear as she pressed her face in his shoulder. “Everything comes in its own time.”

She didn’t answer, nor nod. She simply stood up, smile not leaving her face until she turned around and left, not even as she V signed to Lucio to signal that everything was okay.

Nothing was okay.

The walk to the underground station felt surreal, but the cool air of the evening soothed her nerves and made her sight less blurry, though her heart showed no sign of calming down. She took a deep breath as she entered the station, hurriedly walking down the stairs as she pulled out her underground card from her phone case. She’d decided that a packed train would be better than walking through the wide avenues of the city and risking to get run over by a car. She would squeeze in there and give free reins to her thoughts as the stations passed one after the other, people came and went, tunnels started and ended.

The train arrived shortly after she sat down and she scurried inside, apologising as she tightly tucked herself away between two passengers, the lack of space making it useless to cling to any hanging strap. She sighed deeply, pulling her headphones over her ears, scrolling down her music player as she waited for the door to shut down.

She hadn’t found a proper song when someone slipped inside the metro right before the doors closed, disturbing the careful arrangement of the packed vehicle as he made his way to a specific area of the train. She hadn’t planned to look up and glare at the newcomer for lack of interest, but her eyes definitely widened when she recognised his voice.

“Hana.”

It took her approximatively all her self control not to look up at him. Especially when she recognised the orange hoodie and the woody perfume that stood out despite the mixed scents of sweat and dust, she recognised the concerned tone in his voice and she wanted to be far away from there.

She hoped he would think she was listening to music and didn’t hear him. Hoped he would give up.

But the latter was far-stretched.

“Hana, I know you can hear me,” he said, reaching for her phone where no song was being displayed.

Without thinking, she pulled away before he could touch the device, shoving it in her pockets as she lowered her head further.

Fuck, she thought.

This was going horribly.

The train stopped at the next station, the pre-recorded voice repeating emotionlessly the name of the stop as the machine halted abruptly. The jerk sent D.va forward and into Genji. Instinctively, he wrapped his arm around her waist, protecting her from the wave of passengers who hurriedly left the train by fear of colliding with the hasty crowd who tried to get in, and Hana felt almost deaf from the erratic scramble of her heart in her ears.

“Look at me, Hana,” Genji asked again. His voice seemed firm, but in the jolt of the train starting, she could have sworn she heard a slight shake at the end. Whether it had been caused by the movement of the vehicle or something completely different, it would’ve been hard for her to tell, even less bring herself to ask. But when she didn’t answer, she heard him again:

“Please.”

It was way more than she could take. And for that exact reason, she was all the more terrified to look into his eyes.

“I did something wrong, right?”

She glanced at him at that exact second, shaken by the train’s inconsistent trajectory and the unbalanced passengers who bumped into her. Those should’ve mattered, even more so than the chest of the boy in front of her, even more so than the gleam in his eyes as he looked at her. That gaze shouldn’t be tugging at her heartstrings the way it did. That look of pure worry shouldn’t be this intense and genuine.

“No, you didn’t,” she breathed out, throat clogged.

He sighed. “Then why do you look so sad whenever you look at me?”

“I’m not sad,” she mumbled, looking away.

The train stopped again. It was Genji who bumped into her this time, pushed by the incoming passengers until D.va felt the metal of the pole grip against her back. The heat was more intense in this part of the train, probably due to the fact they were far from the doors now and people were the most concentrated where they stood. She almost lost her balance in the tangle of legs below, but held onto the pole to keep herself standing as the train started again. She vaguely wondered how many stops there would be until she’d be able to leave.

When Genji spoke again, she realised he was too crushed against her to be able to look at her, his breath tickling her ear as he seemed to think of an answer, almost stumble as he searched for proper words. She was about to break the silence, narrowly missing the murmur that eventually escaped his lips. The sound was drowned in the screech of the railways, in the cough of a nearby commuter and the whine of a little child in the distance. She hadn’t been supposed to hear him, but she had. It had been crystal clear.

“Why do you make this so hard for me?”

Maybe Genji’s right. You’re the problem.

“Do I?” she asked, tightening her grip around the pole.

He inhaled, taking in the sweet perfume of her hair as a self-deprecating chuckle escaped his lips.

“Yeah,” he said. “You do.”

“Then why not cut me off, if I’m so problematic?”

The train quivered again as it stopped at another station. She quickly glanced over his shoulder to see that she would be able to get off in two more. She tightened her grip around the pole and Genji took advantage of the new wave of passengers to put enough space between them and look at her. She didn’t meet his gaze.

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, increasingly fed up. “I just don’t know anything anymore. I’ve been struggling for weeks, trying to make sense of emotions that everyone around me seems to understand better than I do. No one wants to explain anything to me and it makes me feel like I’m being toyed with.”

He tilted his head, puzzled. “What emotions?”

She gestured frantically towards the both of them, using the little space she had and sighing all the while in frustration. She shouldn’t be getting this upset. “This… You, me, us.”

“Us?”

“And I just can’t sort anything out. All my attempts at fixing myself fall apart and I don’t know-”

“No, what about us?”

She looked at him then. He had tensed all of a sudden, his gaze intense, maybe expectant. It felt almost like he was hoping for something, hoping for a specific answer but she bit her lip, reluctant to deceive herself with unfounded interpretations.

“There is no us,” she asserted. “At least beyond our friendship.”

Hana would have been unable to describe the exact emotion that flashed in Genji’s eyes in that instant. Spontaneity would have wanted it to be disappointment, hurt, maybe sadness somewhere? Reason, however, couldn’t find any valid argument and she decided to overlook whatever misunderstanding there could be, preferring to blame her own treacherous mind rather than fool herself.

“Right,” he smiled, clearing his throat. “We’re just friends, of course! Wouldn’t want to retire from my playboy days so soon, eh.”

She raised an eyebrow, genuinely startled.

His eyes widened slightly before he looked away, the train’s motion briefly making him lose balance.

“I mean,” he spouted. “Should there be an us… I believe you’d deserve to be more than just another girl.”

If her heart hadn’t been loud enough before, Hana could have sworn she’d heard a gear or two pop out of their place as she struggled to keep herself from paling. No, her reaction was being ridiculous. He was doing exactly what she’d predicted he’d do if she ever confessed.

Remind her that she deserved more than a playboy, and that she didn’t belong with him. That he was nowhere near retirement and that he wouldn’t like her to waste her time on him.

The simple thought was enough to bum her a bit. It was something to anticipate a thing, another to take the impact. And she didn’t think she’d been ready for her pessimistic scenarios to turn out to be correct.

“Which further strengthens the idea that we’re not suited for each other as anything other than friends!” she announced with forced positivity.

She didn’t expect that Genji wouldn’t answer immediately, rather finding a sudden interest in the surrounding passengers he decided to contemplate. He looked back at her after what felt like ages and put on the widest grin he could.

“Definitely, you couldn’t have said it better,” he acknowledged, tensing a bit when the jolt of the train pushed him back into D.va. They were once again crushed against each other, but for the first time since they’d gotten into the train, Hana noticed the way her arms had instinctively wrapped themselves around his waist. She let go.

“So, how does this ‘us’ thing link to people knowing your ‘emotions’ more than you do and toying with you?” he asked after managing to position himself at a respectable distance.

“Oh well uh,” she stammered. “It’s just…”

Her voice trailed off for a lack of explanations. She nervously looked around.

“You know what? I have to go,” she mumbled as the train stopped again. It wasn’t her stop yet, but she needed to leave this place as soon as possible.

Hurriedly, she slipped under Genji’s arm and sneaked her way through the passengers, aiming for the door as the recorded voice repeated relentlessly the station name. It was more difficult than she’d assumed, the compressed bodies barely giving any space for her to leave, each passenger fighting to get in and off the train as quickly as possible.

She felt his hand on her wrist halfway through her escape.

“Hana.”

She tried to free herself from his grip, as the beep signaling that the doors would close soon resonated in the vehicle. But it was in vain.

She didn’t want that frustration building in her chest, or the growing panic that was blurring her sight. She wanted to leave and never have to confront Genji. This was a mess and she hated every second of it.

“Let me go,” she whined almost, still pulling her arm.

“Not until you’re okay!” Genji retorted and she knew he was shaking his head vehemently as he said so.

“Why would you even care?”

“Have I ever not cared?”

She bit her lip, unable to turn around and face him. She hated how right he was.

“Why shouldn’t I care, Hana? Give me one reason and I’ll do it. Right away. I’ll stop caring. Because I care way more than friends should and the fact that… No matter what I do, no matter what I try, I can’t get you out of my head… It’s driving me crazy.”

There was something in the way his voice cracked that made her turn around even as the train rattled again and weakened her balance. Grabbing the pole by the door, she looked at him and the hurt and regret caught in his eyes. There was that and it was although there was so much more than just his voice that had cracked, making her wonder why it was that his sentence just didn’t sound the way it should’ve. Wonder why it was that it made her heart skip a beat.

Maybe it’s our inability to fathom the entire picture that deceives us into thinking that everything is only what we’ve been, up until now, conscious of.

He briefly looked away, breathing out in irritation, fingers still around her wrist. Eventually, he closed the gap between them, pressing her against the plastic of the wall as he prudently cupped her face in his hands.

“Do you know how hard it is for me not to kiss you whenever I see you?” His voice was barely a murmur, lost between a sigh and a whisper. “Do you just have any idea of how hard it is for me not to kiss you right now and you’re asking why I would care?”

Her own consciousness seemed to slip away as she took in his words. She felt numb, but somehow still stood on her feet, as though her body had gone on auto-pilot while her own brain tripped. The sounds around her hadn’t vanished, contrary to what books and movies tended to suggest, nor had the heady smell of the underground or the flickering light of the wagon. But she was painfully aware of Genji’s presence and the weight of his gaze on her, dark and pained, albeit with a flicker of hope and nervousness.

She took a ragged breath, trying to make sense of the fluttering thoughts that invaded her mind. She had to say something, anything, but no words came to her as she only stared at the boy in front of her, his hands burning against her cheeks.

“You’re-” He looked away from her gaze, eyes running over her cheeks, her lips, her chin, as though they held the words he was so desperate to find. “You make it so hard for me to keep it to myself. I’m not brave. I’m not brave enough to risk losing you. I can stay your friend and banter with you back and forth if it means you’ll still call me to hang out. I don’t mind. But it’s so hard. And then you just- you start waving these signs that maybe you like me back, that maybe it’s not so wrong from me to be so wrapped. And I can’t trust myself, but I do, only for you to tell me there is no us and leave again.” He peered at her again and the grunt of the machine below their feet got louder. “Why?”

“I’m scared,” she finally whispered.

“What?”

“I’m scared of losing you.” She drummed nervously her fingers on the pole at her left, head throbbing, heart quaking. “I’m scared of the way my heart has started to run wild when you’re around, of the way I ache for your touch and the confusion and the feelings that build up in my throat whenever someone mentions your name. I’m scared of these feelings, because I don’t know how strong they are and if they’re worth me ruining our friendship over a no-tomorrow adventure. I hate myself for envying all these girls that strut about and end up in your bed, for wishing for what I abhor and what I mock. I don’t want to be them, and yet… It hurts so much not to know what to do.”

“Hana…”

His arms were around her before she could even comprehend what was happening, her face pressing tightly against his chest and the zipper of his hoodie. She felt his hands on her hair and his chin on her head, fingers soothingly playing with her brown locks. She could sense his heart pound against her face, hasty, and for the first time, she allowed herself to hug him back, her hands clinging to his vest like a lifeline as she inhaled his familiar scent.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled in his chest. “I’m being really lame and cheesy right now.”

“It’s okay.” His shoulders shook with the little chortle that escaped his lips and he pulled her closer. She heard his voice through his ribcage, as though there was only him to be heard in the train. “I don’t care. I love you.”

Again, her heart skipped a beat. Just like it had so many weeks ago, as he held her in his arms in a similar way. This time she smelled no booze and no sweat, only the soap of his clean clothes and the incense. She felt precious in his embrace, as though she would break or flutter away, and it felt strange because she’d grown up a soldier, trained by her ragged government. It felt strange, and at odds with her strong diva persona, but she liked the feeling of being protected.

It was supposed to be soothing, probably one of those sweet movie scenes with a ridiculous upbeat romantic music and a guitar in the background. Hollywood had definitely taught her a thing or two about snuggling and letting the credits roll, but right now, she was a disaster. A secret disaster. Her heart was scurrying through her chest, running around alarmingly, brain packing for Hawaii, throat begging to let out kettle noises Hana was desperately trying to stiffle.

There was very few words to express her current state of panic, and even less to describe the inhuman effort she was making at hiding it.

Because Genji Shimada had just said he loved her. Genuinely. And none of her half-baked scenarios had prepared her for the eventuality.

“People might start believing you if you say it so loud,” she scolded in a poor attempt to look nonchalant.

He slid a hand under her chin to make her look at him. “Would it include you if I do?”

Yes.

“What am I to you?” she asked carefully, drowning in the brown of his eyes as she urged herself to play hard to get.

“Much more than the girls you envy.”

“And why would I believe you?”

“I don’t know.”

He’d answered spontaneously, as though it was the most natural response to her question. It felt odd, and Hana realised she’d expected him to have a script readied. A series of smooth lines and compliments to every single one of her questions. She’d expected flowers and his regular Genji gear, but there was none of it and she felt dismayed. The train trembled again and jerked as it stopped, pressing Genji further against her as the usual crowd poured out. The placid voice repeated the name of the station. Her station.

The distance between their faces was negligible, and she only needed to tilt her head to feel his lips on hers. It could’ve looked like an accident. But her gaze was glued on his, on the warmth and tenderness and lit his dark pupils, and she couldn’t move. He was beautiful.

She needed to leave.

“Then why is it that my heart’s still running?”

She felt his mouth at the same time that she heard a sigh, something like defeat, escape him. She couldn’t tell if she’d kissed him or if he had, but as she brushed her lips against his, she tasted exhilaration and something that intoxicated her senses and her thoughts. He cupped her face in his hands and her own instinctively found the front of his shirt, pulling him closer as she tilted her head.

She heard the doors beep, then close, and the train resumed its chaotic journey, bumps and creaking sounds and heat surrounding them.

She’d missed her station.

But right now, as she tangled her fingers in Genji’s hair, it didn’t matter at all.

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