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hazelcephalopod · 2 years

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The Eye of the World Ch 48-49

Enter the Blight; horror, poetry, and romance? Also run. Run for flaming your life!

Well, this is the third to last one of these. We’re reaching… the end now. Pretty fun ride so far, curious to see exactly how it wraps up.

Disclaimer: this is my first read thru but I’ve watched all of the show this far and been spoiled on some book things. So… I’m going to lean into that. Enjoy figuring out what I know, and what I think I know, and what I just don’t. Also s/x I add commentary when I edit.

Spoilers for the first book and up to the most recent episode under the cut. Potential spoilers for latter books.

Ch 48: The Blight

Like, a messed up willow tree this time (Editor me I’m callin it Blight Tree)

RJ really knew how to name chapters.

Ingtar is the Gray Owl. Cool

There are so many towers! Just so many.

Oh watch and comms towers? Ok makes sense

Changing it to Sedai as the last name instead of Aes Sedai was a good idea imo for the show

Yea bye. But… honestly too bad Ingtar seems cool

Oh yea ‘I thirst for battle and now imma be late :(‘ —Ingtar (probably)

“He can have my place.” Mat. Lol. Do hi want his?

That’s nice

“Joined into a greater serpent, they would turn north to Tarwin’s Gap.” -eotw. Serpent? Describing how the forces of Shienar march to battle at the Gap.

Oh so it’s like, a whole kingdoms problem. Not just Fal Dara. Ok. Cool. Got it

Isn’t the Blight warm?

We have been robbed…

What the fuck?! The Blight is fucked!

I… I am not going to describe that creature

Yea. This time. Srsly. Don’t fucking touch!

I will never get over “Mountains of Dhoom”

Ya no… actually I’m fine I— the show doesn’t want to uh, *this*. Just turn that down a bit. Yup.

I’d honestly be Mat here. Probably worse

Loial has the right idea. Mask up!

I can not believe in the show Rand and Moiraine went in alone. Truly no brain cells

Of course not

Good for him! How tho?

Fetor: a strong, foul smell. I have never seen this word. & understand that is saying something. I don’t like to brag but wow. Really dug deep for that one

So… another cursed place they have to sleep.

Was it part of Malkier or something?

Wait is it news that the Eye moves?

Well it is to Egwene and I suppose that’s all that matters

The hell you mean “truly in the Blight Lan” this is still the transition zone? *frowning horrified face of wtf*

Again I’m with Rand. “If this isn’t truly the Blight, what is?” -Rand thinking to himself

“Not hills. The broken remnants of seven towers.” -teotw. The group prepares to rest in -shadow of- the ruins of Malkier.

… as suspected. Sry Lan

Don’t think you want to do that Nynaeve. For sure no Mat. Don’t touch the cursed water either

Yup. The water has a monster in it. That’s just full cosmic horror right there. And kaiju I guess?

How did it get worse?! Ohhh. Nooo

That’s also cronenburg body horror shit.

“‘On second thought,’ Mat said faintly, ‘I like it right here just fine.’”

Oh. Alarm! Yaayyy heheh. This is fine /s

Your denial game is truly next level Rand.

… oh nvm. Maybe

What just happened? Everyone disappeared from Rand’s perspective?

Ok. So Moiraine did some magic?

I guess let’s talk about our future plans. Sure. Why not?

Rand just wants to go back home to his fucking farm. And I can not fault him rn.

I’m sure that will totally work out. Ok tbh moving this conversation to Fal Dara makes too much sense. It is jarring here! Like ‘we’re in one of the three scariest places ever. Let’s talk about life plans’. Egwene are… you are also in some place. Idk what. And respect, keeping your eyes on the prize, but wow is it weird rn.

Uh. You put a blanket under you tho right?

I mean I imagine it’s also the stress keeping you up. Like heat insomnia is real but also, stress insomnia

Uhh ok. Is …

Soo. So. She… they -Nynaeve and Lan- really just discussed marriage. Marriage. And Rand is like just >.> ‘wut?’

But honestly… that, they were some fucking good lines. “I will never shame you. I will hate the man you chose because he is not me, and love him if he makes you smile. No women deserves the sure knowledge of widow’s black as her brideprice, least of all you.” -Lan. Sir your are a poet and that is all just melodramatic tragic romance. Ok.

“Nynaeve remained there, kneeling, after he had gone.” & “Sleep or no, Rand closed his eyes. He did not think the Wisdom would like it if he watched her cry.”

Chapter end!

That… that was a lot.

Ch 49: The Dark One Stirs

5 chapters left!

Imma call it the Blight tree (yes that’s when I decided that)

Not an ominous title at all /s

Rand POV. Do I need to keep going this? I really strongly suspect it gonna be just him the rest of the book

Well that’s a relief actually. At least the sky is still blue

Oof

“LAN’s face was harder than ever, as if he had resumed a mask and did not intend to let it slip again.” -eotw. Poor guy.

Lol. They do not.

What the hell is a ‘saddle girth’?

Lol. Ok sorry. But Rand’s perspective on Lan being unbothered when more likely he is just stewing in feelings and pushing them down. The tragedy of Malkier and rejecting Nynaeve even tho he wants to be with her are basically equal in his mind right now. Imo

Can’t wait to find out what that exchange was about (editor me: we do find out right?)

Tbh I forgot Loial was here for a good minute

I’m glad he is!

Moiraine is so confident

Back to the flaming cursed thing that is the Blight

When do the trees grow leaves? How… how does any of this work? This is more creepy, because it doesn’t make sense! Will it makes sense?

Oh no. Gross. No!

No, no I think Mat is right. Everything here is designed to and desires to kill you

Nynaeve is just afraid of her fear

Yup. See Moiraine agrees with Mat! No not a joke dude. You’re right!

… also glad you have some sort of defense to be here alone. Magic!

Yup. Trees are hunting. Fucking hunting

I feel like gloves for everyone might have been a good investment despite the heat

Lan! No!

Well he back. But uh. Acid blood? Nnnnnn. Mm-mm. No

Horrid cyclops. Bad. Go Mat tho. “Mat’s arrow flashed, piercing the one eye…”

Nvm worse than a cyclops. Horrid cyclops many limbed giant thing. Bad. No.

Oh shit. It just gets worse. Gotta run. Again

‘An adventure story’ they said ‘like lotr’ they said. Yea if lotr was on a real bad acid trip and leaned heavily towards ‘oh fuck run. Run!’ For most of the adventure part of the story. Which… I’m not going to say I dislike. I’m having a great and horrifying time!

Still don’t see most of this happening on screen and again I get it. Fair. Also plz no in some cases. But also… could be an award winning episode at some point on this material alone

Mat was flaming right! The trees are now trying to grab them!

Now the trees may be screaming.

This is great! Swung back to epic fantasy. Fireball! Pretty well actually too

What with the pipes? What’s that? Is that good? Bad? (I shortly learn it’s bad. But now why it sounds like that ever. Dot. Like that)

What the hell is a Worm? Cuz that sounds more like Wyrm worm than earth worm. Or like… tremors or dune. Why does it have flute sound? Don’t like that either

Oh plz let something good be in the high passes. We learn a Worm can kill a Fade but is “afraid of what lives in the high passes.” ???

How else would we know to be afraid? Details are vital

I don’t like all the squishing! Bad noise.

Also “Wormpack” maybe start with that. This is no!

Oh thank the light it’s a good thing. Haha. Worms don’t like healthy land! Way! It’s fine now. Right?

The Green Man!

Flaming cryptic hermit words.

He is literally a Green Man… literally a green giant. Because he’s made of greenery. (I’m so sry)

…Is it weird the tim kinda hungry?

“Strange clothes you wear, Child off the Dragon. Has the Wheel turned so far? Do the People of the Dragon return to the first Covenant? But you wear a sword. That is neither now nor then.” -The Green Man to Rand. It’s… it’s the first book.

???

Amnesiac Green Man??

And now they will go to the Eye! Cool.

#many thoughts on twot teotw #< block or filter to stop seeing these posts #the wheel of time #wheel of time #wot #wot book spoilers #twot book #twot book spoilers #eotw spoilers #eye of the world #the eye of the world

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toujoursmiraculous · 3 years

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Thoughts and Reaction to SENTIBUBBLER

For the past month, every day my sister greeted me with "Sentibubbler!" Sometimes multiple times a day. So this episode was a very anticipated one. The trailer spoiled that the opening scene was a dream, so I wasn't expecting to be surprised or anything like that. HAHA BOY WAS I WRONG But first, this dream points out several things she's worried about and she's going to have to address because they're seriously stressing her out. Likely in the order of occurrence in the episode is how we'll see it addressed. (In chronological order because let's be real, broadcasting companies don't seem to care much about what episodes we get when, so we'll likely see them happen out of this order) - Alya and Trixx being able to keep the secret and be trustworthy. (Which seems to be taken care of in this episode) - Nino finding out she's Ladybug. Nino's close with Alya, so tbh it's probably just a matter of time before he finds out on his own, or they break down and decide to tell him. - Chloe's issue with the Miraculous and Ladybug's rule that has only applied to Chloe so far. - And Chat Blanc. It seems Chat Blanc becoming akumatized again is a bigger fear to her than all the rest, based on her reaction, being horrified and backing up to the point she knocks stuff off the table. It also shows that she's thinking about how her and Chat Noir in this other timeline were in fact together and thinking about what the reason for it is. She believed that it was them being together knowing their secret identities, and their love did it. So here in this dream, well everyone knows right, so what's keeping them from being together now? Interesting thought to have for someone who claims she doesn't love him. ;) Tikki squeaks when bounced. Good to know lol But poor thing was asleep. LOL the Lochness Monster is Trixx's doing, huh? It's like every major event in history happened because of a Kwami. What else are we going to learn xD Marinette being freaked out by the tarantula. The biggest spider I've ever seen in my house is a Giant Crab Spider. Freaked me out so much too. Poor thing was terrified though so I let it go outside. xD Are Alya's parents going to be like Marinette's parents and just shrug when their daughter says things they don't understand and let it go. Because in their situation, those are the best parents to have. Except Adrien's, who isn't around....oof moving on. And here is the start of Nino feeling left out... DX Anyone that knows me knows I adore him, so this is going to begin to get really painful for me. ;-; TRIXX IS JUST SO STINKING CUTE And then suddenly with the phone ringing and empty room with a villain on the other line threatening the lives of her friends and family, did I feel like I entered one of my Taiwanese dramas instead of Miraculous Ladybug. And I love it! I had no idea how Alya was going to deal with Shadow Moth's call, instructions, and Sentibubbler in the room, I was at the edge of my seat. Older seasons it was so much easier to have a good general idea anyway of what was going to happen, but now you get caught by surprise much more. Alya is so brilliant, there's honestly nobody better for Marinette to have told first. I love Chat Noir so much and for emotional reasons, I wanted him to know first. But it's so easy for one or both to be unable to transform or do their job, they need at least one other on the outside they can trust. Alya is certainly that someone. I do think Nino knowing and Adrien finding out will make them the strongest though. But of course, not without its consequences. There is no perfect solution. I also want to point out too. When Marinette was trying to decide what to do, she thought of ways that would cause significant trouble, or worse. Transforming in front of everyone and going back in time to erase that. Nothing she thought of to get herself out of the situation was a good idea. Chat Noir didn't want to listen to Rena Rouge and was going to blow her plan up. Her wording wasn't great, and she should've said it differently so he'd be more likely to listen. But

both Ladybug and Chat Noir were going to do things that would cause serious damage and consequences. Rena Rouge was the one that helped make things go smoothly. But also yikes the fact that Chat Noir got so angry and hurt about being left out (it didn't even have anything to do with Ladybug, so that's going to be a misunderstanding that adds up and comes back later ooof) that he destroyed a chimney with his baton. o.o But his "Oh well Miraculous Ladybug will fix it anyway so I can't feel too bad" xD Everything lately about these episodes just screams "Chat Noir and Nino are going to have to know, at least some details, and soon." either that or both of them walk away because they can't put up with it anymore. And I'm pretty sure we're not getting the latter! Chat Noir being told by Marinette to stay where he is. Chat: BUT WHYYYY x.x Marinette: Rena Rouge created a Ladybug illusion to trick Sentibubbler, who is a Sentimonster. If you go there, you might ruin her entire plan! Chat: ... and you know this how? That's really sus, Marinette... Marinette just goes all casual Chat-like as she explains and he just doesn't even question anything anymore lololol Alya being super smart and getting Shadow Moth away from her while she still keeps the Miraculous. Hahahaha what if all the rest do that too, that'll be so great. x3 Chat, explains what's going on and what he has to do. Marinette: Good idea! :D Chat: Relax. The real Ladybug will save her and together we will save you. Marinette: We're already saving them, Kitty. We already are... Me: AHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY HEART ;-; The only real physical damage done to Paris that day was when the Agreste's decided to vent their anger out on innocent buildings. Marinette being as Ladybug to Chat Noir as she can be while Marinette's the one with him trapped in a bubble. x33 I love how he uses Cataclysm, gets trapped in the bubble again, and Marinette just blinks at him like "Oh Kitty...:c" In S1, Marinette would've rolled her eyes and shook her head lol Ladybug transforming in a bubble right next to Chat Noir and he knows absolutely nothing :D I'd be so nervous even with that illusion if it were me. Chat Noir: NOBODY CAN MUTE ME Shadow Moth: Wanna bet? THAT ACTION SHOT OF PEGABUG TAKING THE COFFEE CUP FROM HAWK MOTHS IS ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVORITES Her hair is so pretty and her smug look is just so perfect!! Chat Noir saving Nino <3 Ladybug and Rena Rouge's hug <3 Seriously loving these friend moments. But they make me nervous about what's to come. "Hey, I thought today would be the end of Chat Noir." Oh dear. Please don't have him thinking like this still. What's it going to take for this poor boy to understand he's irreplaceable and she cares so much about him? At this point I think him knowing her feelings for him and some of the truth, but not all of it, would be what it'd take. Okay, the scenes after the end card now are tripping me up. Such creepy, dramatic music with a getting angrier all the time Gabriel. Scary. Thanks to spoilers from TFOU, this scene here, hints at the finale episode for sure. And that was the episode! I really enjoyed this one, I love how it's really getting the ball rolling on some problems that later on will need to be fixed, to then have them come back happier and stronger than before. We just need to live through it first lol.

#ml #miraculous ladybug #ml season 4 spoilers #ml spoilers season 4 #ml spoilers #sentibubbler spoilers #toujoursmiraculous thoughts and reaction #chat noir #chat blanc #marinette dupain-cheng #alya cesaire #rena rouge #nino lahiffe #miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir #sentibubbler

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worldwidemochiguy · 4 years

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Ours (yandere! rapline x reader)

You've always known that Namjoon, Yoongi and Hoseok are ‘dangerous’, but when one of your classmates decides to try and approach you, you learn just how dangerous they really are....

Masterlist

Warnings: 18+ DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE A MINOR, Yandere behaviour, possessive behaviour, graphic sex scenes, Dom/sub dynamics, name-calling, face-fucking, comeplay (this is rly nasty y’all I'm sorry)

Word Count: 3.4K

a/n: thanks to anon who requested rapline x reader when a guy tries to approach reader! tbh that part only accounts for like the beginning and the end and the rest of it is just smut y’all im sorry idk how this happened lmao

OURS

“I’m sorry, what was your name again?”

The man in front of you slumps slightly, before mumbling out a desolate “Jongin,”

“Well, listen, Jongin, uh, it’s really flattering that you… think of me like that, but I’m not single, so… sorry?”

The man shuffles off without another word, disappearing into the library stacks, head bowed in embarrassment. You cringe slightly. Jongin was your partner for a group project a while ago and ever since then you’ve been able to feel his gaze trail over you sometimes during class, but you never thought he would actually make a move on you.

It’s pretty well-known at your college that you’re not available. Your boyfriends take pains to make it as clear as possible. They even have a rota, taking turns to pick you up each day after class, each time in a ridiculously ostentatious car. This morning you had been dropped off in Hoseok’s red Aston Martin, and you’re pretty sure it is Namjoon’s turn to pick you up in the Lamborghini once you’re finished studying.

Even though your boyfriends always want to hear everything about your day with no detail omitted, you decide to not disclose the fact that one of your classmates had approached you. Jongin was a nice guy, after all, and you didn’t want to see him come in one day covered in bruises, or worse, not come in at all.

Your phone buzzes, and you start putting away your books without even having to check who it is. Only your boyfriends have your number now — they bought you a new phone because the old one mysteriously went missing. You take a quick glance anyway.

[groupchat: You, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon]

Namjoon

I’m outside waiting for you, Princess.

[4:02PM]

You

I’ll be out in a sec!

[4:02PM]

Can’t wait to see you! <33333

[4:03PM]

You tap out a few brief responses — they hate to be left on read — before swinging your bag over your shoulder and leaving the library. As you expected, Namjoon is leaning against the Lamborghini illegally parked in front of the main entrance, subject to more than a few admiring glances tossed his way, though you can’t tell whether they’re checking out the car or him.

As soon as he sees you, his full lips tug into a smile, exposing his dimples as he reaches out to take your bag for you. You go up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek in thanks, and pretend that you don’t feel a curl of smug possessiveness flare up when you see the girl who was checking him out scowl and turn back to her friends.

He opens the door for you and helps you into the car, before walking around to place your bag in the trunk and getting in the drivers seat. Soon enough, the rolling purr of the engine starts up and the college library starts disappearing in the rear view mirror.

The two of you sit in companionable silence, Namjoon’s hand resting comfortably on your thigh.

“I didn’t know you were so possessive, Princess.” Namjoon breaks the silence with a seemingly casual remark, though it is easy to detect the self-satisfied undercurrent in his voice.

“Huh?”

“Oh, so you’re playing innocent? Cute.” He smirks, beginning to smooth his hand along your thigh. You try not to squirm under his attention. “That girl who was watching me, you didn’t like her, did you? You smiled when she turned away after you kissed me. Don’t you realise I notice everything you do?”

Your cheeks burn as Namjoon deftly unravels your thoughts, embarrassed that he finds you so easy to read. You mumble something quietly under your breath, and within the blink of an eye Namjoon pulls over, takes his hand off your thigh and uses it to grip your chin, tilting your head up firmly so you are forced to meet his eye.

“What was that, Princess?” He smirks, and you know he won’t let you get away with not replying.

Your cheeks flush deeply, and Namjoon briefly trails his thumb over the inflamed skin, before catching it on your bottom lip and tugging, a cue for you to speak before he gets impatient.

“I said, wouldn’t you be possessive if you saw a guy checking me out?” You ask meekly, and Namjoon’s gaze darkens.

“I’d destroy anyone who dared to even touch you. You’re mine. Ours.” His fervent response does not shock you, but just solidifies your resolution in your mind.

You hate lying to Namjoon, and Yoongi and Hoseok as well, but you know that if you tell them Jongin asked you out, it would only end in needless bloodshed. Anyway, it’s not like he was persistent or anything, it was a one off and you don’t think it’s necessary for him to be punished so harshly.

By the time you make it back home, Namjoon’s sucked three fresh bruises into your neck to join the already-present necklace of love-bites. Having three deeply possessive boyfriends simply means having three times the hickeys a normal person might receive — not that you are complaining. You like to feel like you belong to them.

Before Namjoon can even type in the code to unlock the door, Hoseok has swung it open and gathers you into his arms eagerly, tugging you backwards into the house.

“Princess!” He exclaims in between the kisses he peppers over your face, your hair, anything that he can reach. Behind you, Namjoon chuckles quietly. “Oh, you were gone so long! I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Hobi.” You giggle, and his eyes widen with joy.

“I wish you didn’t have to go at all. Do you really have to get a degree?”

“She should get an education.” Namjoon asserts, and you nod at Hoseok, agreeing with your other boyfriend. Hoseok grumbles, before leading you towards the couch, tugging you on top of his lap as he sits down.

“It’s not like you’re gonna need to get a job or anything. We’ll support you, won’t we, Namjoon?” Hoseok raises his voice so Namjoon, who’s gone to the kitchen to arrange a small meal for you, can hear. Yoongi, the resident cook, won’t be back for a while, but Hoseok and Namjoon would rather let themselves starve than let you go hungry, which could be possibility since Namjoon really is an atrocious cook.

“Of course she won’t get a job.” Says Namjoon as he brushes into the room with a bowl of microwaved popcorn for you. Hoseok’s already started the film, some kind of horror flick, and he settles you comfortably in between himself and Namjoon, who’s just sat down. They love to make you watch horror films because you always get scared and hold onto them tightly, it makes them laugh so loud it almost drowns out the monstrous noises coming from the TV.

~~~

“Is it over yet?” You mumble, voice muffled in Namjoon’s sweater. You feel his chest rumble as he laughs, Hoseok’s high-pitched giggle joining even as he runs a comforting hand down your back.

“We’re only forty minutes in, Princess.”

“How much is there left?”

“About an hour.”

You release a whine which induces their laughter again, until they are interrupted by the opening and shutting of the front door.

“You guys are watching Saw again?” You hear Yoongi’s dry voice ask and you point your arms in the direction from which you think it came from, fingers splayed, needy. He immediately joins you on the couch and wraps you in his arms, displacing Hoseok who lets out a dismayed noise.

Yoongi hates horror films just as much as you do, no matter how tough he is in real life. You survive through the next hour with your face pressed into Yoongi’s chest and his hand gently stroking your hair. After the ordeal concludes, you join Yoongi in the kitchen to make dinner, sat on a stool by the kitchen island and watching, since Yoongi doesn’t want you close to any of the hot surfaces or cooking knives in case you get hurt.

Namjoon sits and does his paperwork on the dining table, and you occasionally drift over to sit on his lap and mouth along his collarbones, trying to help with the stress that his job brings. Every so often, you go and check on Hoseok, who is practising in the studio. Seeing him so focused and sweaty from the exercise causes something to surface within you, and when you stumble back to the kitchen with mussed hair and swollen lips, Namjoon takes one glance at you and drops his pen.

“That’s not fair.” He breathes.

“What?”

“Hoseok can’t keep you all to himself like that. Especially when you look like that.”

“Like what?” You ask with faux innocence, and he rises from the table and begins to stalk towards you slowly, a predator cornering its prey.

“Like you’ve just been ruined. Like you’ve just had a cock in you and can barely stand. Like you’re still hungry for more.”

“And what if I am?” You whisper as he comes closer, so close your back hits the wall and his chest touches yours.

At your question, Namjoon groans and he wastes no time before crashing his lips against yours, all tongue and teeth and fire. His hand reaches down beneath your skirt and wrenches your panties aside, shoving his fingers inside you to play with Hoseok’s cum, still warm inside you.

“Fuck,” he bites out against your lip, “Already had one cock in you and yet you’re still so fucking tight.”

You moan breathlessly as he plunges two fingers into you, already scissoring them and twisting them mercilessly in a way that has your legs weakening so much that he has to support your weight.

“You need my cock, don’t you Princess? You need me to fuck you loose and sloppy, huh? I can’t believe you want two cocks within the space of a minute, you little fucking slut.”

His words cause the heat building in your gut to ratchet upwards, already on edge and over-sensitive thanks to the two orgasms Hoseok strung out of you. You’re almost delirious, panting and whining and begging as Namjoon fingerfucks you.

“Well, Princess? Do you want my cock or not?” He growls impatiently, and you moan loud enough that Hoseok can probably hear you in his studio, even over the music.

“Yes, I want- I need your cock. ‘m want you to fuck me sloppy, please, c’mon-” You whined against Namjoon, your head slumping down onto his shoulder, and he curses harshly to himself.

Somehow, he removes your skirt and panties — though he is still fully clothed with the exception of his open fly — and thrusts into you in one long, smooth motion. There is something so degrading about being basically naked while Namjoon is completely covered, but it just turns you on even more.

You’re so sensitive, having just been taken Hoseok up against the mirrors in the studio, his dancer’s hips fucking into you unrelentingly, and it doesn’t take much to bring you to the edge. Namjoon pounds into you, so hard that your head knocks back against the wall, and you know you’ll have bruises on your back where you’re being pressed against the wall too hard.

The pain only makes everything more overwhelming, makes it better, and you come on his cock with a wailing scream. His thrusts do not falter, and he only pushes you further up the wall, lifting your legs to wrap around his waist and taking you in his arms so that he is bouncing your body up and down on his cock like a fucktoy.

“Yes, Princess. You take it so well, you were made for my cock, weren’t you? Made to be used like my own little fuckdoll. My precious slut.” The new angle is hitting that perfect spot within you, the spot that makes your vision swim, and you are barely coherent, babbling nonsense and encouragement as he just keeps going.

You lose count of the amount of times you come before he eventually slows down, spilling into you and then pumping it through you slowly, mixing in with Hoseok’s from earlier. As he pulls out, his seed trickles down your thigh and dries there. You go to wipe it off with your discarded skirt — it would ruin the skirt, but they would always just buy you a new one — but Namjoon stops you with a tight grip on your wrist.

“Leave it there.” He commands, and you nod, wide-eyed. “You look so pretty with my seed marking you. You look like you’re mine.”

“She’s mine too, you know.” A low voice utters, and you startle when you remember that Yoongi was still in the kitchen, and could have been watching the whole time. Must have been, considering the impressive erection he’s stroking with one hand, eyes hooded as they watch you. Despite yourself, you lick your lips, and Yoongi coos.

“Baby still wants more, huh? Even after two cocks inside her?” You nod, just like you know he wants you to, and he gives you a satisfied smile. Yoongi takes his time, moving towards you in slow, measured steps. Behind you, Namjoon forces you to your knees, holding your hands behind your back.

“Does the little slut want her dinner now?” You try to nod, and Namjoon tightens a hand into your hair, making you whimper.

“Take her shirt off.” Yoongi says and Namjoon rips it off your body without a warning. You gasp as your skin is exposed to the cold air, a gasp which tapers into a whine and Yoongi reaches down and pinches one of your nipples hard.

“So sensitive.” He chuckles, before cupping your jaw. He moves his shoe forwards so it presses in between your legs, right up against your too-sensitive core. You mewl and wriggle away from it, but Namjoon holds you firm.

“Listen, baby.” Yoongi starts, his hand at your eye level stroking up and down his cock leisurely, “I’m going to fuck your mouth, and while I do that, you’re going to get yourself off on my shoe.” You start to whimper, shaking your head but Yoongi hushes you. “That wasn’t a question. If you don’t come before I do, you’ll be punished.”

You shiver, but still try to protest meekly.

“Yoongi, it’s too much, please, I can’t-” But Namjoon forces your jaw open and Yoongi shoves himself into your mouth before you can finish.

You moan around his cock, the feeling of being full always mindlessly satisfying you and, after a moments hesitation, you start grinding against his shoe. The sensitivity makes it almost painful, and you sob around his cock, eyes already leaking tears as Yoongi thrusts deep into you over and over again, at one point holding your nose against his hip until you thought you were about to pass out, before pulling out and slamming back in.

“Fuck, look at you.” Yoongi grunts, fucking your face like there’s no tomorrow. “Such a fucking slut. Look Namjoon, she’s panting on my cock, getting the come of all the men she’s fucked all over my shoe. I hope you know you’re going to be licking it clean, Princess.”

At his last statement, all the pain and arousal and humiliation forges itself into one white-hot surge of pleasure and the orgasm rips through you almost violently. Your throat tightens against Yoongi’s cock and a few seconds later he’s yanking himself out roughly and coming all over your face and chest.

“So beautiful.” He murmurs as you slump backwards against Namjoon’s thighs. “Covered in our essence. You’re ours, and you always will be.”

Since Yoongi practically abandoned dinner and let it burn, the three of you order take out, and they take turns feeding you as you perch — still entirely naked and covered in their dried come — on Hoseok’s lap. After dinner, the four of you have a warm bath where Hoseok uses his magic fingers to massage all the aches and groans out of your body, all the while praising you for how well you took them, how beautiful you are, how proud you should be. It ends up with him taking you slowly against the side of the bath, water rushing around you while you stretch yourself enough to take Yoongi as well, leaning over to take Namjoon in your mouth.

By the time you stumble into bed, you are well and truly exhausted, and you fall asleep right away, wrapped in Hoseok and Namjoon’s arms, with Yoongi sprawled on top of you, feeling safer than you’ve ever felt in your life.

~~~

Next week, you are getting a coffee during a break between classes — normally your boyfriends would come and visit you in this time but Yoongi was being held up at work, as was Namjoon, and Hoseok was trying to nail down a new routine — when Jongin approaches you again.

He looks nervous, and you surprise a sigh.

“Look, Jongin, I’m flattered, but-”

“I know you’re dating those men, but honestly, Y/n, they are not who you think they are.”

“Excuse me?” You ask incredulously, anger flaring within you at the criticism of your boyfriends.

“Listen, I’ve looked into their backgrounds a little and they’re dangerous, Y/n, you don’t want to associate with them.”

“I think I can decide what I want for myself, thanks.” You reply frostily. “I know you have a crush on me, and I was willing to let that slide, but this really is pathetic. Maybe you should think for a second; if they’re so dangerous, then what do you think is going to happen when you try to take what’s theirs?”

His eyes widen in fear, and for a second you feel smug that you managed to cow him into such a level of fear, and then you feel an arm wrap securely around your shoulders.

“I couldn’t have said it better myself, Princess.” Namjoon says, giving a now-trembling Jongin a death glare.

“Telling lies to our girlfriend is certainly a dangerous thing to do.” Hoseok purrs, flanking Namjoon’s shoulder.

“And telling her you have feelings for her is even worse.” Yoongi smirks, moving in between you and Jongin.

“Honestly, if I were you, I would start running.”

Jongin turns tail and flees out of the coffee shop, followed by many curious glances. Namjoon, Hoseok and Yoongi exchange a smug smile before they start leading you to the car — a modest Rolls Royce today.

“I- I thought you couldn’t come today?” You ask, confused, and Namjoon huffs a laugh.

“We wanted to surprise you.”

“Of course, we should have realised we’d have to scare off one of your admirers.” Hoseok laughs, though his eyes are tight.

“I didn’t realise he would go that far. I just felt kind of bad for him, but if you hadn’t arrived today I would definitely have told you the second I got home.”

“You should always tell us everything, Princess.” Yoongi growls, before pushing you into the back of the car.

Hoseok slips into the drivers seat whilst Namjoon and Yoongi flank your sides in the back seats.

“From now on, you tell us everything, ok? No secrets.” Namjoon says sternly, and you nod.

“What about Jongin? Are you going to catch him?”

“Don’t think about that filth.” Hoseok instructs from the front, “We’ll take care of him. You don’t have to worry about any of it. We’ll call the college and say you’re sick for the rest of the week so you can have time to recover.”

“Ok.” You reply quietly, burrowing into the car leather.

“You really don’t have to worry, Princess.” Yoongi reassures you, taking your quiet behaviour for fear.

“We won’t let anyone take you from us. Ever. You’re ours. We’ll kill anyone who tries to lay a single finger on you, sweetheart. And if anyone tries to take you away? I’ll make sure they suffer so much they’ll be begging for death. That’s how much I love you, baby. We love you, so much.”

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zirkkun · 3 years

Text

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

#zircon rambles #a lot #lol #its very long im sorry #i spent way too long writing this too #also please don't reblog this

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masterthespianduchovny · 3 years

Text

Tbh, I believe some of the reaction to Steve’s ending is an overreaction and, mostly, nothing to do with Steve or the point they are defending. I want to stress that I am saying some before people mistake that as well. And if you disagree, that’s fine.

1. In MY experience, because I’m not going to pretend ive read most takes on Endgame or read every crevice, people only talk about the timeline being ruined when it came to what Steve did and NOT how other timelines were meddled with. Someone could argue that Steve intentionally meddled, but according to the rules of time travel, intentionality doesn’t matter.

Who knows the unforeseen consequences behind knocking out Tony’s reactor. Who knows what happens with old cap after encountering endgame cap and not only fighting him, but hearing the name “Bucky?” Who knows the consequences of thanos and quo being transported 9 years into the future. Or what about the lady that spots Steve and Tony? And how Tony conversed with his dad.

We’re told or it’s implied that any interference can have devastating consequences, yet only Steve’s last decision is obsessively discussed.

2. Peggy’s agency allegedly being undermined. Sure, people could argue by the sheer virtue of going back in time and talking to her he’s undermined her agency, but we don’t even know how their original discussion went. We do not know what went down and people are robbing Peggy of her agency by essentially stating that Peggy had no choice in the matter.

Are we forgetting how intelligent Peggy is? That Peggy potentially asked Steve how was any of “this” even possible and the implication of his actions. And if it come off as condescending or patronizing, I apologize, but imho, it appears that some people, generally speaking, believe that because they dislike something that’s the same as it being bad. Other than, they just dislike what was given to us.

But, how does this undermine Peggy’s arc or rob her of her agency? How? I think some people want it to mean that her arc was undermined to prove Steve shouldn’t have went back to the past. And do people actually care about Peggy’s unnamed husband whose face we never see? Do they really care about her kids?

3. Bucky. People often cite the end of the line remark, but honestly, I think that’s being seen through a shipper lens. Steve and Bucky will clearly fight for each other to make sure the other is safe when they’re in present danger and will advocate for each other if necessary, but they’ve never been joined at the hip.

These are two people who are close who not only regularly acted independent of each other pre serum, was fine going long stretches without being around each other. I’m not even sure if they wrote each other letters. But, they most defintely love and care for each other.

So, pre serum Steve and Bucky are close, but aren’t around each other all of the time. They are fine going long stretches of time without communicating. And, even when reunited after Steve stormed the base solo, they still largely do their own thing. But, even back then, they’d die for each other.

When we get to winter soldier, Bucky’s death was still fresh for Steve. It’s only been a “few” years for him. He still feel responsible for not being able to save Bucky. But, not only that, Bucky was experimented on, was brainwashed, and a POW of Hydra’s—not only is Steve going to take that personally, he wasn’t going to give up on hydra even if it killed him.

Post destroying the helicarriers, Steve wants to look for Bucky after the film concludes to make sure Bucky is safe and has everything he needs.

In civil war, Steve’s mission goes from checking in on buckys well being to making sure Bucky isn’t murdered for something he was forced to do. When Bucky was originally arrested unharmed, Steve was fine. He’s not obsessing over Bucky. Then, when Bucky is brainwashed again, Steve refuses to leave Bucky to his own devices.

After civil war, Steve drops Bucky off in Wakanda and doesn’t think twice about it. Bucky is safe and has the proper resources to heal. They spend two more years apart; they largely haven’t spent any significant time together since Bucky regained his memory. Steve might have called Bucky via T’Challa.

And, just to be clear, I’m not arguing against stucky, it’s not my ship, but people can ship whatever they like, it’s the fact that we’re consistently shown that Steve and Bucky aren’t dependent on each other. That their lives and decisions do not revolve around one another. The idea that Bucky needs Steve or that Steve is abandoning Bucky is absurd.

4. Steve’s ending being a regression. People argue that Steve’s storyline is about moving on all while overlooking the fact that he consistently struggled with doing it.

In winter soldier, nat tries to get him to go on dates and Steve points out that is hard because the lack of shared experience. He clings to both Peggy and Bucky in different ways. They are both living, breathing pieces of his past that he was “taken” from.

Instead of having Sharon kiss him and this go no where (because it was poorly developed), they should’ve had Steve reflect on what Peggy’s death mean to him personally and moving on with his life. I guess her death and the kiss was supposed to signify that, but we don’t actually explore the character. We don’t allow him to sit with it. These things are done to shortcut the storytelling without actually exploring it in the world. But, Steve doesn’t talk about moving or and none of his actions support this in the overall story. Again, what we do see is for the benefit of the viewer and not Steve.

But, the biggest thing is: why do people conveniently ignore that what happened in infinity wars could lead to a huge regression? People talk about how Steve was “moving on”, but ignore the five year hell of post snap and him admitting that they “the avengers” couldn’t move on. That their failure would leak into other parts of his life as well and make him reconsider things?

5. Found family. It’s quite clear that the avengers, most of them, largely do not hang out together. They aren’t around each other unless they’re saving the world. Steve did not abandon his family or the avengers. They got along, but they all lived their own lives. And, it’s quite self centered to think you can’t ever leave a group because they can’t function without you. There were more avengers apart of the team then when Steve originally joined, some are powerful than he is and others have shown that they are just as capable leaders as he was or can grow into the role like he did.

But, the idea that Steve “abandoned” the avengers when they needed him most is absurd. His job was to prevent and protect NOT rebuild society. In infinity wars, he fathered the avengers. When the snap happened, he stayed and fought whatever threats popped up, but also ran a support group. Steve stuck through the worst of it. Steve didn’t give up on anyone despite being mentally exhausted. He unselfishly supported humanity as much as he could during that time.

Most of these criticisms ignore that Steve was always sacrificing and living for others. He was always a soldier first. And part of the reason he was so dedicated was because he couldn’t move on.

Many of these criticisms are so spiteful and most of them aren’t even because these fans care about Steve. They care about a found family that doesn’t exist. They care about a ship or ships that are now sunk. Some are upset that Steve lived and Tony died. But, many of them aren’t actually about Steve.

Nat doesn’t get shit for being willing to run away to be with Bruce in age of ultron. Tony doesn’t get shit for abandoning the avengers for five years because they “didn’t listen to him.” Others are allowed to make selfish decisions and put themselves first, but when Steve does it “what about found family??? What about the avengers???”

Almost everyone gets to live their lives MINUS Steve. Clint retired. Tony considered retiring before civil war. Like, minus going to the past and staying there, almost every criticism thrown at Steve can be found in another avenger who received little to no criticism in comparison.

Lastly, I’d also argue that Steve’s selfishness IS a sign of growth. People are allowed to be selfish at times. People are allowed to put themselves first.

At the time, it was important for Steve to move on because he couldn’t change the past. He had to live in the here and now.

But, then an opportunity was presented to him.

“I can go back.”

Steve living in the present was coping. He barely lived his life for himself.

People don’t have to like the ending and the time travel stuff doesn’t make sense from any perspective, but most of these angry takes aren’t about Steve at all.

#pro captain america #pro steve rogers #steve rogers defence club #Steve rogers

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crushedbyhyperbole · 4 years

Text

Indomitable

Pairing: Sebastian Stan / Plus Size Reader

Words: 1.5k

A/N: Written for @the-ss-horniest-book-club endless quarantine as long as there are prompts we’ll write them thingy, and a prompt from @prunes-said-bucky. I’ve never written Sebastian before, never really considered it TBH, since he’s not just a character to play with but hey, I gave it a shot. Hope it’s not horrific.

Warnings: Angst, body shaming, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, strong and confident plus size reader, emotional support, kissing and teasing, no smut.

There is a section that contains a list of body shaming comments. This is a block quote with ######### at the start and end, so feel free to skip over those if you are so inclined.

***FINAL REMINDER TO READ THE WARNINGS FOLKS***

Sebastian slumped back in his chair. The computer screen glared at him accusingly as bile rose in his throat. He did this. He failed to protect you. His career, and the whole shebang that went with it; toxic.

There were good parts, hell, there were great parts, but this… this wasn’t one of them. His fans were usually great. Kind, accepting, fun, keen, and dedicated. He loved Winter’s Children and gave as much of himself as he could while maintaining a balance that kept him sane.

You were part of that. Far removed from the lime light, you were a nobody. A regular person. Not tied to the entertainment industry in anyway other than being his girlfriend. The world barely knew you existed and he worked hard to keep it that way.

Until now.

“Hey, sweetie!” You knocked on the study door after letting yourself into his apartment, peeking in to see him at his desk. “You need anything? I’m just about to make some fresh coffee.” You smiled knowingly; he loved his coffee

“Oh, hey, yeah sure.” Sebastian scrambled to shut the screen off so you wouldn’t see what he was reading. “Thanks, babe.” He smiled back.

“Oooohh, was that porn?” You smirked, coming to stand behind him, resting your hands on his shoulders and feeling tension there. “Discovering something new you want to try, huh?” You teased a little to lighten the mood. Something had him stressed out.

He sighed, leaning his head back to rest against your stomach. From there he looked up at you, past your boobs, with worry in his big blue eyes.

“I wish it was porn.”

“Skype audition not go so well?” You massaged his taut trapezius until he moaned lightly, relaxing under your touch. You slid your hands into the neck of his shirt, smoothing them over his chest, feeling the light prickle of stubble where his chest hair was starting to grow back in. “Want to talk about it?”

He wrapped his hands around your wrists, stilling you gently. The nervous lick of his lips concerned you.

“Oh, the audition went great.” He sat up, swivelling his chair to face you where he tugged on your hips to sit you across his lap. “It’s what came after that I need to talk to you about.”

You could see something was really eating him up but you let him get to it in his own time.

“I spoke to Elaine.”

“Social media manager, Elaine?” You knew every member of team of people who Sebastian relied on in his career. Elaine had been with Seb for years, helping him managing his social media presence, and she was very good at what she did.

“Right.” He stroked your lower back absently. “Well, I called her because some pictures got out. Of us.”

You knew he tried to keep you separate from all the media stuff. He needed a safe haven, and he also didn’t want to ruin your life with paparazzi hounding you and gossip sites dissecting your whole existence.

“Of the other week when we went out comet watching and ended up getting jiggy in the back of your car?” You teased.

He laughed, scrunching his face up in that cute way you loved. “No.” He grinned. “Surprisingly, not that.”

“Phew,” you play acted utter relief, “thank heavens my tatas didn’t make it onto TMZ.”

“You’re amazing, you know that right?” He squeezed his arms around your waist.

“Yeah, I know,” you beamed, “caught you, hook, line and sinker, didn’t I?” You murmured into his hair, pressing a kiss there. “What’s up?”

“I don’t really know how to deal with this, y/n. It’s everything I’ve always tried to shield you from.”

You tightened your arms around his shoulders, reassuringly. This really wasn’t like him at all. “Just show me.”

The pictures were fine. Seb and you, sat on a wall by the banks of the Danube, eating charcoal black ice cream in the sun. Holding hands by the stalls of a street market. Him stealing a kiss while you laughed at something he said. They were older photos from a trip you took to Romania the year before. You smiled, remembering the fun you had there. Seb’s boy-like exuberance as he rediscovered his country of birth with you. They were great memories.

It was the bitchy comments that he was concerned about.

##########

Why would someone as hot as him be with someone like her?

Ikr, she fat

Who is she? Nvr seen her b4

Not surprised we’ve never seen her. I’d be embarrassed to bee seen with her too.

Pity fuck

Maybe it’s for a role.

Guurrrllll… Swap that ice cream for a salad.

She’s disgusting! Sebby what are you doing?!!!

Look at that fat body! What a waste of a pretty face…

Pretty? Lol pretty ugly.

What does he see in her?

He looks younger in this. Must’ve already dumped her fat ass.

She’s curvy? Maybe he likes that. Not my cup of tea though.

Curvy like the Michelin man lol

Definitely not the right clothes for your body type sweetie… dress appropriately.

Lost all respect for Seb now UGH!

Look at that cellulite!

Seabass meets a whale lol

##########

You glanced through the comments. Most were positive but some were brutal. You could see why he was upset by these. He cared a great deal about his fans but this was making him consider if it was worth the effort.

Sebastian swallowed nervously, looking up into your eyes.

“You’re worried about how I feel about this?”

“Of course I am.” His tone was pleading. “I love you. I never wanted you to get dragged into any of this crap, but look at them!” He was getting agitated. “I’m going to tell Elaine to take it all down, I’m done.”

“What’s that going to prove, huh?” You soothed.

“Nothing. But it’ll be gone, right? No more fan stuff if they can’t respect both of us.”

“I dunno, it seems a shame to deprive your good and loyal fans of their sexy seabass,” you winked at him, “besides if the things people did online got to me I’d have drawn a line in the sand at some of that filthy dirty fan fiction they like to write.”

“C’mon, y/n, I’m being serious,” he begged with his eyes. “They can’t talk about you like this. It’s shitty and they’re completely wrong.”

“Babe.” You levelled a steady gaze at him. “I don’t care what these people think.” Stroking your fingers soothingly through his hair, you scratched and massaged gently. “The only people whose opinions matter about any of that stuff are right here in this room, okay?”

Seb sighed and hid his face in your plush bosom, and for a while neither of you spoke. He relaxed, breathing slowing until you thought he’d fallen asleep. You trailed your fingers across the back of his neck and to the sensitive place below his ear.

“If you keep at that there’s going to be trouble.” Muffled against your chest you could feel him smirking.

“I like trouble.” You whispered with a cheeky grin as he lifted his head.

“Thanks for distracting me.” He stretched up to place a chaste kiss on your lips. “I think I know what to do.”

“Oh?” You chuckled as he scooted the wheels of the chair closer to the desk with you still in his lap. You tried to give him some space but he held you firm.

“Stay put,” he shifted so you were stable again, “this’ll take 2 seconds.”

Sebastian fired off an email to Elaine, letting her know everything was fine. You weren’t concerned by the comments but he suggested letting a few of his top most trusted fans to help moderate the official site. Let them get invested in the two of you as a facet of his brand. You were definitely here to stay.

He counted himself the luckiest man alive to have found someone so caring, kind and gentle as you, but also someone so confident and steadfast. Your spirit was unbreakable. You were his rock, the foundations on which he grew and thrived.

“So, now that you’re done righting wrongs, what’s the plan for today?” You asked sweetly. “You asked me to sleep over on a work day, so…”

“Well, first of all,” he eyed you mischievously, “I’m going to reiterate how much I love every single inch of you.”

“I like the sound of that,” you simpered.

“Do you?” He teased.

“I do.”

“Good,” Seb nuzzled your neck seductively. “Then we’re going to go out to eat,” he nipped your ear with his teeth. “I made reservations.”

“Sounds… public.” You sighed, distracted.

“Don’t care.”

“Okay…”

“And then,” he pulled back to look you in the eyes. “Then, I want to talk to you about getting a place together.”

“You had this planned? You kissed him between sentences.

“I did.”

“Seems rushed.”

“Four years is plenty long enough,” he murmured.

“Ok,” you smiled against his lips, “but I’m keeping my apartment.”

“Of course.” He slid his hands into your hair ready to deepen the kiss but paused. “Where else is all your craft stuff going to live?”

Laughter rang out as you swatted at him and he tickled your waist. The world could do whatever the hell it wanted. As long as you both had each other, there was nothing else you needed, and nothing you needed to prove.

#HBC Drunk Drabbles #sebastian stan x plus size reader #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan fanfic #sebastian stan fluff #body shaming #confident plus size reader #angst #no smut #cloudy's writing #indomitable

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jaxsteamblog · 4 years

Note

I have a prompt for you! How about “stuck in an airport with cancelled flights and (one of them) looks really sad”?

I have no idea where this story came from. Also, why are most of my one shots from Zuko’s perspective? I don’t want to examine that tbh. Modern AU, no Avatar, no bending.

---

Normally, the sound of rain against a window could put Zuko to sleep. But the torrential downpour slamming against the massive windows of the airport terminal sent jolts of terror through his body.

To say his flight was delayed was laughable. It surprised him that the airline hadn’t cancelled the damn thing yet. Deep down, the prospect gave him a sense of empty relief. It wasn’t a trip that he was looking forward to, and however long he could put it off the better.

There weren’t very many people in the terminal; it wasn’t heading to a tourist destination or metropolitan hub. Still, that fact alone resulted in travellers with a purpose. So when the intercom finally crackled to life and the attendants made the final announcement, there was a lot of angry rumbling.

Clusters of people got up and headed to the airline desk, demanding a miracle or at least a hotel stay. Zuko sat back in the bucket chair, looking up at the high ceiling.

He could go to a hotel and stare up at a much closer ceiling, waiting for dawn and a red eye. But it might be easier just to stay put, despite the uncomfortable conditions.

A sniffle made him lower his head and look across the row.

A woman was bent over, her face cradled in her hands, and her back shuddering slightly as she cried.

Zuko tilted his head back, staring upward, but he frowned.

This trip was made with purpose after all. And not everyone would be dreading the trip.

Getting up, Zuko sighed quietly. He walked across to the other row of chairs and sat down with an empty seat between him and the woman.

“Miss? Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Zuko asked, leaning over to look at the woman. Turning her head away, he watched her move an arm as she rubbed her face.

“Miss?” He asked.

“What?” The woman shot back, turning with a furious look.

Zuko leaped back in his chair, grabbing onto the side.

“Erm, you just seemed distressed.” He said and the woman sniffed again as she continued to rub her face.

“Yeah, you could say I’m distressed.” She retorted.

Shrinking a bit, Zuko looked around.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” He asked carefully.

The woman threw herself back, straightening her legs out in front of her so they stretched out in the aisle. She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes and leaned back.

“Can you make this storm last forever?” She questioned.

Unsure of how to respond, Zuko stayed quiet. After a moment, the woman lowered her hands, letting her arms fall down with a thunk against the plastic chairs.

“Not looking forward to your trip?” Zuko asked.

“You think?” The woman shot back, rolling her head along the back of the chair to look at him. When he only stared back at her, the woman sighed and rolled her head back to look up.

“Sorry.” She murmured.

“I think I understand.” Zuko said, also reclining to look up. “I’m not exactly thrilled either but I’d rather just get it over with.”

“Why? Is it because you’re having to fly with us plebs?” The woman asked.

“Pardon?”

“Ugh, sorry. Again.” The woman glanced out of the corner of her eye to examine him. “You don’t look the type to fly commercial.”

Zuko didn’t want to tell her that he often didn’t fly commercial.

“I don’t normally dress this way. I have to meet family on the other side.” He replied.

The woman sat up at that, turning in the chair to face him. She pulled one leg onto the seat, bending it and holding onto her ankle. Tilting her head, she looked at him incredulously.

“Really?” She asked, confounded by his explanation.

“Yes?” Zuko replied with equal confusion.

“It’s just, you look like you’re Fire Nation.” The woman remarked, bringing her head back up.

“Oh, well, I am. We’re,” Zuko reached for the right word. “Visiting.”

“Let me guess, for a wedding?” The woman asked.

“Yeah actually, how’d you know?”

“It’s kind of a thing right now.” The woman rolled her eyes and Zuko chuckled.

“You’re Water Tribe aren’t you? Are you going back for the wedding as well?” He asked.

“You could say that.” The woman muttered and Zuko laughed. Surprised, the woman stared at him but relaxed with a smile.

“Do you have to work or something?” He asked.

“It certainly couldn’t go on without me.” The woman quipped.

“Then I can understand the stress.” Zuko said.

The woman leaned into the chair and stuck out a hand.

“My name is Katara.” She said.

“Zuko.” Zuko replied, shaking her hand.

Katara narrowed her eyes as she took her hand back.

“Your name sounds familiar for some reason.” She said.

Panicking, Zuko flashed her a quick grin.

“It’s a popular name.” He replied.

“Hmmm.” Katara intoned, turning her face to look at him side eye.

For that matter, her own name was familiar, but he couldn’t place where he had heard it. If it was involved with the wedding, he would have drowned it out. There was a lot he was trying to ignore about the trip, and anyone involved with it got tossed out of his memory.

“So what do you think of the event?” Zuko asked. Katara pulled up her other leg and crossed them to sit awkwardly in her seat.

“It’s two royals who have never met getting married. I think it’s safe to say it’s going to be a disaster.” She said.

“Really?” Zuko blanched and rubbed the back of his head. “I heard the princess was nice.”

Katara snorted and Zuko frowned.

“Nice? I can guarantee that she will be nothing short of a nightmare.” She said.

“Ah.” Zuko said sadly. He put his elbows on his knees and steepled his fingers together, lowering his head till he could tap his chin.

“Sorry, I assume you must be a fan of the groom.” Katara said.

Zuko looked over at her.

“Right, Fire Nation.” Zuko shook his head and resumed tapping his fingers against his chin. “No, it’s not that. I just understand how important this is.”

“Important? It’s not like the Fire Lord is getting married.” Katara replied.

Zuko pointed his fingers out to the aisle, thinking about the arguments he had lived through.

“It is important. The princess was key in ending the war. This marriage is going to represent peace.” He said.

“Sure, forcing two strangers to get married is about peace.” Katara muttered.

Zuko turned to her.

“Do you just not like the Fire Nation or do you know the bride?” He asked.

“I think we can both make the assumption that we’re involved in the wedding parties.” Katara answered.

Zuko laughed and sat back.

“True.” He paused and furrowed his brow. “Can you tell me what she’s like?”

“You gonna text your buddy?” Katara asked.

Zuko grinned. “Maybe.”

“Well, you tell him that she has a temper as ugly as she is.” Katara said and Zuko laughed.

“It won’t matter, he’s going to go through with it no matter how hideous and ill tempered she is.” He said.

Katara sighed and shook her head.

“She’s scared, but she knows it’s important too. She always wanted to do what would help people and if this helps people, then she’ll get over it.” She sounded sad as she spoke and Zuko examined her face.

“The prince is, well I think he’s a good man.” He replied. “Your friend will be okay.”

“I don’t know you well enough to put any stock in your opinion.” Katara said dryly.

“Fair enough.” Zuko said with a shrug.

“Want to get a drink? I might as well let you convince me before I head off to the worst day of my life.” Katara said.

The shock of a woman asking him such a thing made Zuko’s heart race. It didn’t help that he thought she was attractive.

“Sure.” He said.

If he were to classify it, Zuko would call it a date. The entire airport became a city and they meandered around through the evening well into the night. They had dinner at one of the few sit down restaurants in the main hub before walking around the random shops and kiosks. Then, as things started to close for the night, they walked around the terminals.

Getting to know Katara was bittersweet. She was kind and wickedly funny; Zuko often had to hide his face from irritated passengers that were also spending the night. He learned that she was from the South Pole, not the North, and that she wasn’t as comfortable with the royal family as she seemed.

The Fire Nation did seem to anger her, and Zuko danced around his own position. Ultimately, he’d have to tell her the truth, because she didn’t seem the type to enjoy that kind of surprise. But the moment never seemed to present itself; he was enjoying her company too much to want to ruin it.

Zuko stopped trying to learn more about the North Pole princess and instead questioned Katara about herself. They talked briefly about the war, and Zuko listened as she talked about her brother.

Of course on the threshold of his wedding, he met a woman that he could see himself falling in love with.

They fell asleep propped against each other, and Zuko kept still as he woke up to the boarding announcement. He jostled Katara gently, her head resting heavily on his shoulder. She turned, pushing her face into him and Zuko took in a sharp breath.

When she did wake up, Katara rubbed her eyes and looked around.

“I guess this is it.” She said.

Panic swept through him again and Zuko took hold of her hands.

“Can we meet? Before the wedding?” He asked.

Katara’s eyes widened and she straightened.

“Zuko.” She grew flustered and looked down at their hands.

“I just want to see you again.” He said.

Katara nodded and then looked up at him. “Okay.”

With a smile, Zuko stood and pulled Katara up. They were both sitting in first class and Zuko swapped his seat to be across from her. They talked for the entire flight, annoying everyone else on the red eye trying to get some sleep.

For the first time since the trip had been booked, Zuko felt happy. Katara clicked with him on so many different levels. Even if it wasn’t going to last, at least he could spend some time with someone he liked.

When the plane landed, they both lingered while the others disembarked. Finally, after being pushed out by the flight attendants, they walked down the ramp together. Their luggage rolled noisily behind them and they stayed quiet.

“Are you taking a taxi?” Zuko asked as they waited for the shuttle to the main hub.

“Why, did you need a ride mister moneybags?” Katara asked, poking him in the side with her elbow. Zuko laughed and stepped away from her.

“I thought I could walk you out.” He said.

“Okay, sure.” Katara said and smirked at him.

Feeling his face warm, Zuko cleared his throat but couldn’t help but smile back.

They walked out to the pick up area and Zuko looked down the long line of taxis and town cars.

“Hey, can I call you?” Zuko asked.

“Call me?” Katara looked confused.

“The wedding isn’t for two days. Maybe we can meet up before then? Go to dinner?” He asked.

Katara turned shy and looked down, tucking hair behind her ear.

“Like a date?” She asked, glancing up at him.

Feeling bold, Zuko nodded. “Yeah, like a date.”

“That’d be-” Katara started.

“Zuzu!” The voice was not high or shrill but it still cut through the air and pierced Zuko through the ribs.

“Oh no.” He whispered.

“Brother dear,” Azula said as she stepped out of a town car and leaned on the door. “Don’t you know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding?”

Zuko and Katara stared at each other, terror plain on their faces.

“You?” They both exclaimed in unison.

“To be clear, I had every intention of being faithful after we got married.” Zuko blurted, taking a step back.

Katara still lunged, smacking his arm with her open hand.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know my name!” She yelled.

“You didn’t know mine either!” Zuko retorted.

“Can’t you control yourself?” Azula snapped.

Zuko grinned and caught Katara’s wrist as she tried to hit him again. Meeting his eyes, Katara scoffed but still smiled. As he pulled her close, Katara relaxed.

“At least I don’t feel guilty now for wanting to kiss you.” He said.

“Shut up and do it already.” Katara sighed.

And so Zuko kissed his bride, once again thankful for rain against windows.

#jax writes #zutara #fanfiction #one shot #prompt #Anonymous

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thewriting-corner · 3 years

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‘Renegades’ trilogy by Marissa Meyer: review

Welcome today to a post I have been waiting to do for months. I never do entire posts for book reviews, but since this was a trilogy (and one of my favorites I read this year) I decided it would deserve a little more.

Note: I will be doing a spoiler-free review first and then I’ll put a warning before talking about each individual book :)

Synopsis: The Renegades are a syndicate of prodigies—humans with extraordinary abilities—who emerged from the ruins of a crumbled society and established peace and order where chaos reigned. As champions of justice, they remain a symbol of hope and courage to everyone... except the villains they once overthrew.

Trilogy Review ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I honestly think these are the best books I’ve ever read. The description was fascinating, easy to follow and gave amazing imagery without that heaviness that a lot of fantasy books have (this is more sci-fi/dystipia-ish but still).

The characters felt real and their individual voices were clear from start to finish. I loved every single character, even the ones I hated.

However, there is one thing that bothered me BUT it does align with their world and that is the lack of accountability certain characters recieve (but I will be talking about that in my Supernova review).

Then the PLOT OH MY GOSH. I mean, it’s superheroes. It’s nearly impossible to be original with a plot that isn’t the same as any Marvel or DC comic/movie/show. And yet Marissa Meyer that such a beautiful job of taking a common conflict (heroes vs villains, villains wanting to take over the world) and turning it into a unique plot with amazing twists.

I mentioned the world-building before, but I’ll do it again. Third person POV is not my favorite and neither is heavy world building like the one this book needed and had. Still, it was written in such a simple way that I didn’t feel like she was trying to confuse me, it was just a story.

Overall, this series was amazing and I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a fast paced, mind-blowing world building and compelling characters that will make you feel single to the core even in a relationship.

🚨Spoilers Ahead🚨

Renegades ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“We were all villains in the beginning.”

I went into this book with low expectations because I didn’t think I’d like Marissa Meyer’s style and boy was I wrong.

The first few chapters were a bit confusing but the moment Adrian fixed Nova’s bracelet I KNEW this would steer towards romance and it sold me. And then Nightmare making fun of the Sentinel for his comic book phrases and poses was my favorite thing ever. That would be me as a superhero, no doubt.

I really liked the way the plot progressed “slowly” without feeling dragged on. In fact, despite it’s slower pace of the story, the book still felt quick and that just won a million points with me.

Don’t even get me started on the Anarchists. I LOVED them. I like how they weren’t presented as villains from Nova’s POV, just enemies of a totalitarian state. Not even just in her point of view though. I genuinely didn’t think any of them were bad until Ingrid decided to show up at the library and almost killed Sketch’s crew.

And speaking of Sketch’s crew … the minor characters??? Hello??? Who writes side characters that are SO good?? Oscar is my favorite though. He wins. Danna being the only one to question Nova about Adrian’a feelings for her was hilarious, although it stressed me out that Nova put her to sleep. Counterpoint: it was very cute that the only way she could stop thinking of Adrian liking her was by putting Danna to sleep. Very on point teenage reaction. I would’ve done the same thing if only I wasn’t trying to remain anonymous in the organization that indirectly killed my parents.

The climax, on the other hand, felt a teensy bit rushed but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Nodrian in their not-date. It was adorable, especially when they stopped at the kid’s party and then Nova panicking over the mere thought of going on the ferris wheel with Adrian. All the carnival chapters where my favorite thing ever and I really wished they hadn’t ended with Nova killing the woman who raised her. But I did like the irony of it being Ingrid who told her she didn’t have the guts to press the trigger and then she died at the hands of Nova’s gun.

AND THE ENDING WITH ACE BEING ALIVE. That shook me. I suspected it, of course, but it shook me to my core. 10/10 plot twist there.

Archenemies ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“I guess I figured you deserve to have good dreams every once in a while. Even if you never sleep.”

This one gets six stars because somehow I read it in 11 hours and I’ve never read such a large book in one day. The entire story was just fast-paced action, superhero world building and Nodrian flirting and eventually kissing. Best book ever.

I liked how in this book we got a closer look into other character relationships like Oscar and Ruby and then Danna’s suspicions over Nova. I would’ve liked to see more of Danna’s friendship with the team though, since at times it seemed she was only there to send passive aggressive comments at Nova. And the Sentinel’s “death” was amazing. Pure comic book material right there.

There is this thing though that I mentioned in the general review that bothered me and it’s when they reveal Agent N. This weapon they created using Max’s blood is a great example of how the Renegades had obtained way too much power. It’s when we start to see that maybe Nova and the Anarchists are right. The Renegades are slowly becoming a dictatorship and it’s bothersome that nobody except Nova and Adrian notice. Especially when it was so obvious with things like them using Agent N “against every prodigy who didn’t follow the Renegades code”. Sure, they were criminals, but that wasn’t about arresting them. It was about changing the DNA of people who made one mistake and were immediately deemed enemies of the state.

Back to the good stuff, Nodrian flirting was the highlight of this book. They’re both so awkward and adorable, especially when Nova’s teaching Adrian how to shoot and then when they’re in his room later on. The whole “you want me to ignore everything?” and “you’re not allowed to have girls in your room?” quotes KILLED me. Those were peak flirting moments and I’m immensely surprised by the way that Marissa Meyer manages to write teenagers realistically as an adult and not even having teenage kids of her own. Also, Nova opening up to Adrian was just. No. It killed me. My ghost is writing this btw.

The ending, once again, amazing. I loved it. Not only did it once again show Frostbite’s true colors, show us how much hate Adrian actually held against Nightmare and the way Nova had softened by the Renegades’ influence. And Ace Anarchy’s capture goes into the good things pile.

Supernova ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“To be honest, I’m not sure there are such things as villains anymore. Maybe there never really were.”

Is it a bad review if I just insert the word “AH” for the next ten lines? Yes? Damn it. I admit that I was expecting something much different, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. I have never cursed and squealed so much by reading and had I not bought the hardcover with my own money, I would’ve thrown that book against the wall. It stressed me out. First of all, getting Nova and Adrian kissing in the tunnels a few chapters before Adrian arrests her for being Nightmare was another level of messed up. Clearly, she did everything in her power to save him from her house’s explosion and he threw it out the window in blind anger. And then the whole execution thing??? That was horrifying and it’s when the Renegades’ incompetence really showed its true colors. They couldn’t bring the people back to their side - because they failed - so they sentenced a broken, dying man and an underage girl who acted under the manipulation of her entire family, to death. If Hugh had ever even attempted to find out what happened to both Artino girls, none of that mess would’ve happened, but instead Lady Indomitable died and he went “WELL, can’t do anything about her last task, can we?” I get he was preoccupied by her orphaned son and the Ace of Anarchy, but it was as simple as going back into the house and searching. In fact, this entire book was just showing how their society was crumbling and in the end they went “we were all heroes”. I’m surprised Nova forgave the entire Renegades organization for what they did because even if it was Ace who sent a hit after her and her family, the Renegades were still willing to overuse their power.

And once again back to the good stuff before I end up bashing the Renegades even more, I never thought I would be on board with Adrian and Nova’s relationship at the end of the book. I try not to ship toxic relationships in YA because they happen a lot and I wouldn’t like younger readers to think that it’s okay, but I loved how both Nova and Adrian were willing to make a change for their relationship to work. They compromised because they loved each other so much it didn’t matter who had tried to kill the other person and their dad or who hadn’t advocated against the other’s execution, you know, the ups and downs of every relationship. While I do wish we had seen them talking about everything, I get a book can only have a certain amount of words and I was glad just the same with how it ended. Also, Leroy’s threat to Adrian is iconic, just like Oscar proclaiming his undying love for Ruby at the arena were they almost witnessed multiple murders.

The epilogue. Just. Wow. I knew it before because I’m smart and I spoiled it but I NEED another Renegades book. You can’t just end the series saying Evie Artino was Magpie and her being as angry as Nova once was. Like, no. You just can’t. That was a crime against humanity, tbh, but overall the series was amazing and I have never been more grateful to spend almost $80 in books.

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karliahs · 3 years

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‘I always come back here,” he says, more because he can’t keep the anger inside anymore than because he really wants to confide in Aizawa. “No matter how long it's been. Even when I do all the right things. I never get free."

Aizawa’s expression is mostly just tired; a knowing kind of tired. Izuku thinks maybe no one ever gets free of anything, that maybe life is just a collection of snowballing consequences that eventually slow you all the way to a stop. If he could pick one person to get some freedom, to get some ease, it would be Aizawa.

"Were you here last week?” Aizawa asks, in his quiet, patient voice. “Were you here in that garden?"

Izuku is crying, because of course he is. All he does is cry and yet he's never cried out. He's never gotten rid of it. He shakes his head.

"I know...I know it's not enough,” Aizawa says. “Maybe you always come back, but the time in between still counts. You get free over and over, just not forever." It’s rare to hear Aizawa raise his voice, outside of trying to be heard over the chatter of twenty kids, but this quiet feels different. Like he doesn’t have anything more to give either. "I'd give you forever, if I could."

Izuku looks into Aizawa's eyes and knows that he means it, knows that one other person gets how unfair it is that you can never really save someone all the way. The experience lives inside of them, and it can survive so much time and so much safety. It makes him think differently about all the villain fights he’s ever watched, all the videos of All Might carrying people to safety - did the people resting on his strong shoulders ever forget? Did they wake up shivering because the ground had fallen apart, the fucking ground beneath their feet, and if that can happen once then you’re never, never safe.

“It’s not fair,” he says, something weak and childish pervading his voice.

Aizawa nods. He doesn’t need to do anything else. The fact that he knows this well, knows this better than Izuku ever has, is written across his whole face, his whole life.

“It’s not fair ,” Izuku repeats, voice breaking, collapsing down and resting his forehead on his teacher’s shoulder. An arm winds its way around his shoulders. Izuku shakes and cries and waits - waits for it to be better, waits for the part of him that knows how to pick himself back up from things like this to come back. Waits for the ground to break again, always.’

from redux, part 5 of rescue

...later even than i said it would be, but here you go! thank you for asking and giving me the chance to ramble!!

i'm glad you chose this part! i was a little nervous about it since it's maybe the furthest i've taken izuku from his canon characterisation, but ultimately realistic trauma responses + exploring the themes i wanted to explore won over sticking to canon. kid's been through a lot

i'm always interested in how emotion can distort time, and how every breakdown can seem to pull you right back into every other breakdown you've had. in the headspace where negative conclusions are always the largest & most important thing, remembering having felt this way before doesn't equal 'i survived it then, i can survive it now' so much as 'i'm going nowhere, i should have never gotten off the floor the first time, all the trying i do in between is pointless and an embarrassing waste of time'

recovery is hard enough anyway but i think for someone like izuku, whose journey with one for all has been so much about effort equalling reward, it's so frustrating that ticking off every point on your recovery homework checklist may not actually mean that you...feel better

something i tried to capture in izuku's narration is that he is still just a kid figuring out what the world even is, so having these traumatic experiences is absolutely going to warp that profoundly. darken your door deals with that a lot too, the way that as you grow up you start to see that these untouchable far-off adults are actually also unsure and lost and prone to getting pummelled by the world

but he is also so kind. a lot of this series is aizawa and izuku pushing each other forwards by turns like no YOU get better. and this gets hashed out more further on in the fic, to drive home the idea that part of izuku's despair is a loss of belief in heroism since it can't defeat the lingering consequences of experiencing harm, and part of the 'solution' to that is the counter-evidence provided by all the kindness offered between them in this series, showing that while it isn't as straight-forward as picking someone up and carrying them away from danger, there is so much we can do for each other

"Were you here last week?” Aizawa asks, in his quiet, patient voice. “Were you here in that garden?"

Izuku is crying, because of course he is. All he does is cry and yet he's never cried out. He's never gotten rid of it. He shakes his head.

i saw izuku crying a lot in the fun anime show and decided to project every feeling i've ever had about this inconvenient involuntary stress response and tbh. i am right

'he's never gotten rid of it' it's a mental illness cliche but i do feel compelled to describe it like you're carrying around something awful and ugly that takes away all your joy and breaks all of the things you wanted to do and be. like that sentence doesn't explicitly specify an object/what 'it' is, but i feel like people got it

here is aizawa's inverse of izuku's if he could pick anyone to get free it'd be aizawa. rare that they manage the 'no, YOU get better' switcheroo card within just a couple of paragraphs

and it's also...if i could pick you up and carry you away from your problems forever, i would. if i could change the way pain works to spare you from it, i would.

talking a bit about time and pain again...the frustration that a short terrible experience can be followed by months of nothing but rest and gentleness, and yet the short terrible experience is still somehow stronger

a lot of this series is about izuku developing from a more innocent understanding of suffering and heroism, or rather having that innocence forcibly taken away and having to deal with what that means for his goals and his future...i also wanted to see if it could be more powerful ultimately to not show a great deal of what happened with shigaraki, but make it possible to kind of read it in reverse in the impact it's had on izuku. shigaraki wanted to break izuku's belief in all might and the heroism he represented, and he certainly succeeded in fracturing it

i distinctly remember as a child hearing that one of the worst parts about having someone break into your house wasn't the experience itself, but always knowing after that that someone breaking into your house could happen. that being added to the list of possibilities in your head, so that being home was ruined even if it never did happen again

“It’s not fair,” he says, something weak and childish pervading his voice.

Aizawa nods. He doesn’t need to do anything else. The fact that he knows this well, knows this better than Izuku ever has, is written across his whole face, his whole life.

a lot of recovery is work but a lot of it is just waiting. sometimes when you're in a certain place all you can really do is hold on until your resilience or capacity for joy come back. one of the most helpful things i learned was that sometimes when i'm incapable of saying anything nice to myself, to do the equivalent of going 'okay, we'll talk later.' because it always does come back

i love rescue and everyone who reads it, very much

#asks #rescue #long post #talking #bnha /#i have one more of these asks that i am aiming to get to before the weekend's over #please do not take my slowness in answering to mean i am not delighted that people are interested #not just in my fics but hearing me talk about them #At Length #it just takes a while to write and i'm deep in the weeds of persona 5

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thunderbringer-a · 3 years

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i still have a more than a few hours until the new year, but man. this year has been shit and so stressful. most of it was alright. i cannot complain too much because my husband was able to keep his job, but the stressful part of it all was that he was always on the front lines of this whole pandemic. he’s a paramedic for the county and its been stressful and terrifying as hell with him being out there everyday not knowing if he was going to bring this mess home to our family. on top of that my son having school mainly online was a big stressful mess in of itself. i don’t know how teachers do it tbh.

then the latter half of the year pretty much said you’re not getting off scott free here. i had a trip to urgent care. our basement flooded ruining our brand new heating / ac unit. our car and dryer had issues. and basically everything that could go wrong did . and the moral of the story is that i’m grateful for this blog and you guys.

i’m not sure where i’d be if i hadn’t made my thor blog back in may. every one of you has kept me going this year and being extremely encouraging with my thundernerd and how i portray him. this rpc has been one of the best i’ve ever been a part of and i thank you all for being so damn wonderful. you know me and my same spiel about how much i love you all. and going into this new year i’m going to try to be more open with everything. try to be more communicative.

just know that no matter what the new year brings i will still be here for you no matter what. just as i always am. to have made it through this year we all had to be stronger than ever and you know what? we’re gonna keep that up in 2021 because its what we have to do. i love you guys and we were all in this together this year!

going into 2021 , i want to think about what it could mean for the rpc as well. we need to be more accepting and to be kinder . the toxicity has grown tenfold this year ( which is saying something ) . we are all human and we all make mistakes. we need to just be better to ourselves and each other.

big smooches to you all. i don’t think i’d still be here if it wasn’t for your encouraging words and beautiful hearts.

#ooc

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1194

survey by n0b0dysp3rf3ct

What’s your favourite song to sing to? These days it’s Sweet Night by V, but it always changes tbh. I don’t really have an all-time favorite song to sing along to.

What’s your relationship like with your exes? Nonexistent. I’m good at blocking off people and memories like that, no matter how special the relationship had been or how much time we spent together. I don’t feel guilty about it; I actually feel more at peace this way.

What mistake do you find yourself making over and over again? Procrastinating and putting off things I could literally finish in 10 minutes or less. I’ve been better about it, to be fair to myself; but the habit comes out every once in a while and I always end up kicking myself in the ass for not already knowing any better.

What are you afraid to lose? Hmm...probably people, especially my friends. I’ve been starting to think more about this these days. My two best friends are in very good, committed relationships, and I know that one day they’ll have lives and families of their own, maybe even move out of the country. I’m finally acknowledging the fact that maybe I am afraid of getting left behind and ending up alone. Those thoughts make me sad, though, and I hate being stuck in feeling sad, so I try to shake them off and focus on my happiness in the present.

What’s one of the hardest decisions you’ve had to make? Agreeing to break up with Gabie. I never liked admitting defeat, so that was a particularly brutal afternoon.

Have you ever gave up on a love interest as they acted differently around other people? I’ve never been in this situation.

Do you think you’re ready for love? What does love even mean to you? I’m taking a break from it, actually. I was in a relationship that I put a lot of effort in for a long time, and I don’t mind focusing on myself for now especially considering I put myself in the backseat for the entirety of said relationship. I feel no need to jump into another relationship any time soon.

What was the last thing you turned down doing? Angela was showing me some shops that were starting to put up offers for the new BTS Hybe Insight photocards. Those photocards are only being given away to visitors who go to the new Hybe museum, and we didn’t want to technically pirate them, so we both chose not to buy. We can wait till we can travel to South Korea together and get the photocards for ourselves :)

Have you ever fell for someone who was clearly bad for you? Technically...yeah? She eventually ended up being bad for me, but I didn’t know it at the time.

Are you a party animal? No. I like attending parties, but I never want to be the center of attention.

Who are you the biggest fan of? My best friends.

When was the last time someone really let you down? I haven’t felt that disappointed in anyone in a while.

What song can you not help but dance to? Mic Drop.

You’re DJ for the night - first track to get everyone going? ...Now that I mentioned it, Mic Drop. The Steve Aoki remix in particular. Sorry folks, y’all are getting K-Pop tonight.

Have you ever been too scared to tell someone how you felt about them? Yes.

Where do you feel the most inspired and creative? Erm, never? I never feel creative. But when it comes to being inspired, I usually feel it when I have one-on-one talks with Bea. She schedules a brief talk with me once every few months just to catch up and ask me how I’m doing, work-wise and growth-wise. I find that it really helps and I always exit the call wanting to perform better at work.

Have you ever been hit on by a pushy person? No.

When’s the last time you met someone for a coffee? I’ve never done that.

Describe the ideal man or woman for you: Kim Taehyung. That man is doing a stupid great job ruining everyone else for me.

What place in nature would you love to visit one day? Somewhere with auroras.

What accent do you find attractive? Like I’ve said on previous answers, I like Florence Pugh’s accent, whatever it is. I could listen to it all day.

What do you think you’re really good at? I’ve always loved writing and I’m pretty confident in my skills.

Do you have something you’d like to tell someone right now? I know Jo is going through a breakup and I want to reach out and share a few reassuring words, but I’m not very good at that kind of stuff. And since she isn’t initiating, it might mean she wants her own space for now too.

Have you ever had feelings for a friends partner? Never.

What career would you love to pursue: I’m more than okay with my current field. But had things turned out differently, I’d most likely be taking up law.

What was the biggest lies you’ve told? I never like lying so I try to make the ones I make as trivial as possible.

How can you tell if someone loves you? Idk for the most part I believe people have different love languages, so expression is always different for everyone. I don’t wait for people to act a certain way for me to deduce that they love me.

What’s one of your fondest memories? Front row at a Paramore concert, 2017. I went alone and danced without a care in the world and sang along to every song, and it was one of the nicest couple hours of my life.

What’s your favourite thing to do that doesn’t cost much? Taking surveys is literally free.

What do you feel unnecessarily judged for? I feel like I would be judged for having an entire blog just for surveys, which is exactly why I don’t share about this hobby with anyone. Not even my ex knew about it until much later on in our relationship.

What are you proud of yourself for? Still being here is a big thing.

What relaxes you after a busy day? As is pretty obvious already at this point, BTS. I like looking for funny compilations or interviews of theirs to watch to de-stress.

Have you ever known someone who suffered from drug addiction? Nope. Not that I know of, at least.

Why did your last relationship end? She wasn’t in it anymore.

Who do you have a crush on? Taehyung :/

When was the last time you stayed up all night? I was up until 4 AM earlier, if that counts. I don’t really do entire all-nighters anymore; latest I can do is either 4 or 5 AM.

Have you ever been someone’s rebound? No.

What would you fight LTR for the right to do? I don’t know what that is or who they are.

When did you last apologise? What was it for and was it accepted? Some work stuff came up today and it was something I needed to ask my manager about, so I had to message her. I apologized profusely before and after my main message since it’s a weekend and I HATE making my co-workers think about work on weekends, but the matter was a little urgent and it couldn’t wait. But eventually the thing got sorted out, so I followed up with a message asking her to disregard my question, and I sent her a heart GIF as well.

Have you ever been to Cuba? I haven’t, but I’d like to visit.

What do you feel positive about? That I am most likely ordering Frankie’s tonight because I’m having a serious craving for spicy Korean wings that I can’t ignore anymore.

Do you know any Spanish? I’ve retained the words, sentences, and verb tenses I was able to learn when I was still training on Duolingo; and Filipino has a lot of Spanish influences, so I wouldn’t say I’m completely unfamiliar with Spanish. I wouldn’t be able to last a conversation, though.

If you could go on a road trip now, where’s you go? Continued from this morning. I’d probably just go back to Tagaytay. La Union could be a great road trip spot as well.

When in danger are you more fight or flight? Flight. What makes you irrationally angry? When people speak excessive Taglish, especially in a work setting. Most Filipinos are fluent in both, so I’d wish they’d pick one and stick to it. I find code-switching pretty unprofessional for the most part.

Do you feel self conscious about a certain body part? Sure.

Is there someone you’ll always be there for? If so, who? My best friends.

Have you been accused of being manipulative? Gab probably did a few times, but I barely remember those memories anymore.

What’s the most romantic thing someone has done for you? I literally can’t remember anymore.

What or who do you miss from your childhood? The ability to be carefree and the greater space to make mistakes.

Do you miss late night calls with a certain somrone? No, I hate calls.

What would you like to do again some time? Be able to go back to coffee shops.

What’s your least favourite season? Summer.

Do you know someone who’s ridiculously arrogant and entitled? A lot of boomers and older Gen X-ers.

Have you ever considered violence to solve your problem? No.

Who’s the best dancer you know? That I know in real life? Aubrey. Overall, Park Jimin.

What’s the best bit of advice you’ve received? I can’t seem to remember the exact same quote they gave me, but it was Andi telling me a few months ago not to rush my healing so I can avoid potentially harming myself in the process.

How good a swimmer are you? Not very good. I just like swimming leisurely.

What’s your favourite baby animal? Puppies and baby elephants.

What’s the best compliment you have received? It’s always nice to be told I’m strong.

What’s your favourite gemstone? Don’t have one.

Do you bounce back well when things go wrong or does it take a while? It takes a while, but I always get there eventually.

What’s an underrated colour/shade you really like? Not sure; the colors I tend to lean towards I think are pretty popular choices.

What insult or label would hurt you the most to recieve? Being told I’m useless or a burden.

How often do you notice the attractiveness of strangers? I rarely find strangers attractive.

Are you good at hiding your emotions? No, I practically wear them on my face.

Are you romantic? More than I’d like to admit.

#survey #surveys

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