I think another part of me wishes that they kept more implants on Seven before removing all of it (Sorry, Jeri, I know you hated the whole makeup thing).

I wish they played up more about how truly dangerous it was to have Seven of Nine aboard before she acclimated to the Voyager way of life. Seven says that most of the crew are afraid of her and Tom concurred but we didn't really see it.

The showrunners were so overeager for Sexy Borg Lady that they skipped through a really great narrative about how scary and dangerous it was to have a barely reformed Borg onboard.

Having a Borg aboard should have been like a livewire situation. Handled with extreme care.

Unfortunately, it seems the network and Berman only allowed up to three episodes of continuity. Seven being in her partial Borg get up in The Gift (4x02) was already pushing it.

Seven is friendly (for a newly severed Borg) but don't think for one second she's not dangerous.

I wish Voyager leaned more into Seven as the most dangerous entity on that ship next to Janeway.

Just like in Killjoys how no one ever forgot in the show and in the overall narrative that the most dangerous person in Team Awesome Force was Dutch.

Or how Buffy is the thing monsters are afraid of.

Seven was quite literally part of the galactic boogeyman.

Also, who else has had such a metal introduction?

Top 5 favorite g/t tropes?

SUUUUPER HARD TO CHOOSE 🥲😭

- ‘Lion with thorn stuck in their paw’ kinda like in the iron giant movie scene where Hogarth turns back to help the giant even tho he’s terrified. Also my Gulliver’s travel AU where the Lilliputian’s arrows are too small for the giant to remove themself. Doing the right thing/what you’d want done if it were you even tho it’s so scary, taking a leap of faith.

- when a giant first encounters a tiny and their brain goes from “what’s this??” to “oh shit I’m being hella rude/terrifying, aren’t I?” Especially if they don’t speak the same language. Giant shifts their hold to better accommodate tiny who by no means feels comfortable until the hand they’re on returns them so so carefully to the ground/ safety

- tinies caught in cups or jars, very likely being studied or protected from some environmental factor like a giant’s dumb pet. Yes this includes the beginning of the Bee Movie 😭 I study things I’m interested in and grew up catching just about anything and everything, but also trying to imagine the creature’s perspective.

- giants giving tinies rides to be courteous and/or for the fun of it, maybe to see something the tiny could never see without a giant’s assistance, getting to see the giant’s point of view

- when one has to defend their friend from others of their kind, either giant protecting tiny/tinies from other giant(s) or tiny protecting giant from other tinies

Honorable mentions: I’m scared I’ll scare you off for either, dollhouse/terrarium/aquarium for either, small who is crazy for wanting to be around giants, giants who freeze up bc they’re afraid how they come off to the tiny, one has been watching the other from afar but suddenly has to become known to the other, tiny(s) is rescued by giant(s) especially out at sea or in space, getting to know each other w/o speaking the same language/ one or both are mute, GIANT GRABS A TINY TO FREE THEIR TINY/WORK THE LITTLE CONTROLS/LOCK WHILE BEING HELD AND DISTRESSED, giant isn’t a monster but also not looking to make friends, ‘I wanna know about the strangers like me~’

Hi,sorry to bother you.. what are your toughts about Brian being abusive with Justin like Jack was with his mother in the first two season? I mean, he definitely had his bad habits and sure didn't always treat Justin well and wasn't always emotionally available for him (especially in s1) and this eventually resulted as Justin being hurt sometimes but I never thought that it was that bad..

Thank you for this ask! 

Brian definitely was harmful to Justin in season 1 and 2, but I wouldn’t go so far as to compare him with his father.

In season 1, Brian is definitely emotionally unavailable. He doesn’t just not want a relationship; he despises relationships. He has removed that possibility from his mind and vocabulary, and most of all, he doesn’t believe he deserves one or is made for one.

Naturally, with all of his emotional trauma and his unwillingess to face it in any direct and healthy way, he is not ready for a mature relationship either. So when Justin comes along with his persistence and youth and adoration, Brian pushes him away. He doesn’t want to entertain the fact that someone may want him for more than sex, or for being ‘the stud of Liberty Avenue.’ Many factors come into this: Justin’s age, Brian’s belief system, his past trauma, his moral code, his experience, etc. He doesn’t believe or even want to believe that someone as young and innocent as Justin could want to be with him, and he doesn’t believe Justin should want that anyway.

But Justin makes him question this all the time. He is constantly pushing Brian, willing Brian to be the man Justin knows he is. This scares Brian; nobody has ever known him deeply enough to see through him. Even Mikey and Lindsey are blinded to who Brian truly is through their own filtered perceptions of what they want him to be. Nobody truly knows Brian Kinney. But Justin Taylor gets pretty damn close. “You can’t push me away,” he says. “I’m onto you.”

Nobody has ever stuck around long enough, or even wanted to stick around long enough, for Brian to ever hear these words. This is the first time someone has ever said that to him and meant it. Brian, most of all, is afraid to be known. He hides behind his persona and uses external means to prove his self-worth. So when Justin consistently sees through him and isn’t afraid to say it, it terrifies Brian. Most of the time it makes him retreat even further into the asshole persona as a defence mechanism. When Brian is afraid, he lashes out. 

And because Season 1 Brian Kinney is quite unhinged and in denial, he doesn’t think twice about lashing out at Justin. He convinces himself he doesn’t want Justin in his life, that he’s “trying to get rid of him” but he just keeps bouncing back. And the scary part of it is - that Brian might actually want Justin to stick around. 

Because of Justin’s maturity, I think everyone forgets how young and impressionable he is (including Brian), so Brian doesn’t think twice about possibly conditioning Justin in a potentially harmful way in the long-run. I don’t think Brian realizes just how much of a sponge Justin is until the King of Babylon contest when he uses Brian’s own tricks against him. I think that was also his first flash of fear where he thought: Perhaps I have made him too much in my image.

The truth is, Brian in Season 1 is mostly irresponsible and selfish. As much as I adore him, nobody can excuse his actions even though we know his reasons for them. He has not yet learned responsibility for another person, because part of his code of conduct is that everybody should be responsible for themselves. This philosophy is not wrong, but he takes it to the extreme to further shield himself from being let down. Even with a kid, Brian makes the choice to only be a ‘drop-in’ dad who only contributes through money, because that’s all he thinks he can be. He doesn’t want to even risk turning out like his father, so in his mind, it’s better just not to try. (However, he has a moment of clarity when he decides not to sign over his parental rights to Mel. That was his first flash of ‘Hold on. I am responsible for this child, and I want that responsibility. I accept it.’)

It isn’t until the prom when he learns what it truly means to be responsible for another persons life. There, he is forced to face reality head-on; how easy it is to lose a person, how precious life truly is, how easily it can be snatched away from you. Here we see Brian in his barest form. Terrified out of his skin, guilt-ridden, and hollow. Here is when he takes full responsibility; too much, in fact. He believes the bashing is his fault, that Justin nearly died because of him. It’s a turning point for Brian where he ceases to be that callous, selfish man from Season 1. That night at the prom, his heart was broken.

In Season 2, we see a new side of Brian. The caring, hesitant, selfless side. He knows how easy it is to lose Justin, so he doesn’t make the same mistake of pushing him away to protect himself. He lets him in a little more, he admits that he wants Justin to stay, that he will be “doing exactly what I want to do: coming home to you.” But while Brian has had a wakeup call, that doesn’t mean he will change his entire way of thinking overnight.

Throughout the second half of season 2, we start to see Brian sink into his old habits of neglecting Justin emotionally. Brian’s ‘love language’ isn’t through words of affirmation; it’s through acts of service. He believes actions speak louder than words, and with that philosophy, he convinces himself that he is taking care of Justin in all the necessary ways; namely, paying for his school fees, asking him to stay in his loft, helping him financially, driving him around, etc. Because nobody has ever done those things for Brian, he believes these actions scream affection. 

The truth is, Brian Kinney is a man of conviction. As an advertising executive, he knows the futility of words and how easy it is to manipulate them. He knows they are just words, and this has been proven to him time and time again by his parents. This is part of why he doesn’t believe in marriage and relationships. “Love is just something people tell themselves they’re in so they can get laid.” He has been proven how meaningless words really are, so he doesn’t see the necessity for them.

But Justin does see the necessity. After the bashing, he changed. He was no longer that cock-sure, confident, self-assured boy from Season 1. The bashing wiped away all control he thought he had over his life. Something was taken from him against his will, something he will never get back: his memories, the control of his left hand, his boundless dreams of being an artist. He realized that Justin Taylor is not invincible. This loss of control terrified Justin, as it would anyone. He realized that reality was harsh and life takes and takes from people who don’t deserve it. He felt like a stranger within his own body, like he didn’t own any part of himself. He felt lost and confused and helpless. 

So, understandably, he needed reassurance. He needed clarity. He needed the words, and things spelled out for him. He needed some semblance of control, some certainty in all the chaos of his mind. He no longer had the mental energy to play the guessing game with Brian. He could no longer assume Brian’s feelings, or read into his actions. He needed Brian to say the words.

But Brian couldn’t. And that was why Season 2B happened. The moral of all these ramblings is: yes, Brian inflicted some form of emotional abuse on Justin in Season 1. Yes, their relationship had toxic elements. But no, I don’t believe their relationship can be compared with that of Jack and Joan Kinney’s. That was a loveless marriage between two hateful and bitter people. While they each have their issues, Brian and Justin’s relationship ultimately is one built on trust and love.

We don’t need rings or vows to prove that we love each other. We already know that.

4x14 Thoughts

I touched on this before, but context fucking matters. Even though it erased Annie's class & Ruby's race while using Beth's momness and whiteness as a shield, the speech in 1x02 works because it's life and death. It works because these women have just been thrown into this scary world and Beth makes a desperate but savvy (she picks up on Rio being more than just a gangbanger and appeals to his business side) plea. She uses what she can (Annie has never brought orange slices to any game ever, let's be real) and saves the day. And yet we see how terrified she was even after it worked. IT WAS AN UNREAL SITUATION THAT FELT REAL. Beth's recent "boss bitch" moments do not work because it's just her fully leaning into the smug entitled white lady role. I feel like too many fans ignore 2x13-3x02. The threat of Rio (and the FBI) was GONE as far as Beth knew. But she decided to do crime. Ruby was stealing from her workplace. Beth was putting Dorothy and Lucy at legal risk by using her store and her work, respectively, to commit crimes without telling them. That's who Beth is. So reframing her actions in S3 & S4 as simply reactions to evil Rio trying to ruin her life not only removes Beth's agency. It is also hollow. Because Beth has zero problem with crime—stealing Gayle's business, bribing a city official, hiring a hitman, setting up an innocent man to be a murderer, making Dean "sell" a hot tub to Mick, selling counterfeit purses, blackmailing men into buying those purses. Beth has a problem with not getting her way. And that's not enjoyable to watch. This is not me saying Beth has to be likeable as in a "good" person. But she has to be likeable to watch. Mary Pat is a total weirdo with very questionable morality, but she's enjoyable to watch. Vance is fucking creepy as shit, but he's enjoyable to watch. And while the show gave both those characters some dimension, it never portrayed them as characters we should unabashedly cheer for. That's not how they write Beth. They still—four fucking seasons in—want us to see her as a mom just trying to survive. But that's not the story plotwise that they have chosen to write. And the fact that Beth's "wins" are almost always at the expense of other women or POC is an added gross factor.

The show needs to make up it's mind about the monetary situation. Either things are dire and they are saving every penny to "escape" to Nevada. Or they have enough money to refurbish Sweet P's and buy Kenny an iPad.

Detroit city council is by district. Why do they keep referencing Ward 5?

Nice of the show to have Dave & Phoebe literally walk thru the situation. Super FUN! that the women who have been in this for years (per date revealed in 4x13) still don't understand how it works. The only way I like this scene is if it is a meta commentary about how the majority of the show stans have never understood how any of the crime aspects work 🧐 And I see that the show is yet again ignoring Turner's whiteboard and everything else implied about Rio's business dealings in S1.

Phoebe's no Turner, but I've never disliked her. She was really good in this episode, but the Phoebe/Beth stuff from stans is annoying. Why are people so into ships where Beth is awful to the other person and yet the other person is willing to risk things for Beth? Wait...I think I answered my own question.

So much wasted time on these MRA guys. I guess they don't need to be ~mysterious~ and I love (I don't) the casual misogyny in all their scenes. Preemptive GTFOH: I know—believe me, more than I want to—that men like this exist. I know it is realistic. But, again, as I mentioned before, the show is more than happy to ignore all types of realism to make the story they want to tell work. So don't tell me that this is simply a reflection of society. Jenna & Co are choosing to write this storyline in this way and she thinks it is fun and comedic.

The show is about the 3 women and anyone asking for more screen time for Rio is a misogynist. One minute spent on Annie's new shitty white male love interest popping her pimple = crickets.

The show is about the 3 women and anyone asking for more screen time for Rio is a misogynist. Dean having the reasonable response to Beth running for city council while she dismisses his legitimate concerns = crickets.

And, btw, Denise doesn't need secret insider information. Even if Dean's police records are sealed—why tho?—the two extremely visible daytime raids on the family businesses would have been on the news. And—gag!—Beth's visit to Denise was hella stupid. Denise is not a criminal, like the girls were in S1, so she has no narrative reason not to call the cops on Beth & her "thug." It was a shallow parallel and just another example of Beth needing a man to handle things for her.

I mentioned in my 4x13 thoughts about how the Sweet P's "fun and empowering...unlikely feminist statement" is bullshit. The girls, specifically Ruby, spent a lot of time judging the dancers. Beth straight up mocked Krystal's voice. They didn't care about implicating them in crime or costing them their jobs when they set up Gene to take the fall for the money laundering. They only "care" now because they need them.

Annie & Nancy's scene would have been nicer if Annie didn't imply that Greg(g)'s cheating was Nancy's failure. Again, they could have had them talk about the cheating and difficulty that Nancy went through as an example of a hardship she overcame. But they CHOSE to have Nancy explicitly frame the business disaster as a personal failing. So having Annie respond with the infidelity doesn't come across as tough love. It comes across as needlessly callous and victim-blaming.

This is long already, so I'm not even going to get into the Beth & Rio conversation at Sweet P's.

Ugh, Rio & Nick. So fucking dumb. Where was Nick before all of this? Why is he flexing his muscle now? With what we've gotten of his characterisation & attitude, are we to believe that this is the first time in 20 years that Rio & Nick have clashed? I would think that he would have been very concerned and involved when Rio drew the attention of the FBI. But Nick was nowhere to be found. (Because these writers don't understand the difference between retconning and world expansion.) Although I did get a chuckle when Nick said, "You think you'd have any of this?" while gesturing to Rio's usually empty bar.

Yet again, no cameras in an area that would most likely have cameras. And white woman Beth implicating gangs (which to cops = Black & brown youth) with her "broken windows theory" scare tactic is disgusting.

Caribbean flair and Mahalo. I'm so goddamn exhausted at this point.

Hello, Random Bitch Wife. FUN!

Hey, speaking of context matters....that entire last scene Beth is actively working with Phoebe & Dave to send Rio to prison. Romance!!!

The Detriment of a Pro-Hero Society

Also known as: Kids are kind of being brainwashed into being heroes, let’s look into that.

Dedicated to @deafmic for getting me back into this bullshit and inspiring me to finish something I had started noting out about two years ago. By now, I’m sure much of this has been said over time by various people, and it makes me happy to know that there are others out there who like to look deep into the background culture and settings of their favorite manga!

I apologize in advance if you notice an idea of yours here; I haven’t been active in the fandom in two-ish-years, so I may be restating some things you guys already have. I consider this rambling analysis to be free to use and abuse by anyone, no credit necessary! I only get a little bit of time on the weekends to really be on my PC, so if you send me an ask or reply to this, it may take me some time to reply back!

Anywho, onto this mess I’ve made. It’s not very tidy and is more a collection of thoughts than a properly detailed analysis, but I ain’t got all day. Again, this is messy but I don’t really have the energy to make it nice and neat.

Looking for something in specific? You might wanna ctrl+f around these titles, because this is very long and rambling.

Part I: The Beginning of Quirks and their Effect on Society Part II: What Makes a Villain Part III: M O N E Y and F A M E Part IV: Brainwashed Part V: Ignoring Those Who Need Help Part VI: Cycle/Conclusion

Part I: The Beginning of Quirks and their Effect on Society

So, we know through the manga that, as quirks first began to evolve and more and more people obtained them, the world was thrown into chaos. People had obtained power, and power is as power does, and it corrupts.

As people began using their quirks for evil deeds that broke the law, law enforcement around the world was essentially powerless. After all, during the birth of the quirk age, quirks were the minority. The powerful minority. Against that, men with tasers, batons, and guns hardly stood a chance.

However, just as the rise of quirks gave birth to people who would use that power for misdeeds, so did it bring life to those who had the inherent desire to protect others. The beginning of the age of vigilantes, which would lead to the age of Pro Heroes.

Obviously, All for One was very relevant during this time, but we’re not here to talk about him. For once. We’re here to talk about society as a whole.

The world order was too chaotic. We are aware of this due to the monologues of certain characters, and I assume we’ll be learning more as more of the former carriers of One for All become present in Deku. In this beginning, it wasn’t so much “heroes” versus “villains”, more than it was law abiding citizens versus law breakers. It’s likely that precedent hadn’t yet been established for “no quirk use”, as there were hardly enough people who could actually enforce such a law.

As more of society began to develop quirks, the Police Force made a decision to not use their quirks to take down law breakers. They moved to a more leadership position, and took a backseat to those who did use their quirks for good. At first, it was a hard decision to allow such things as Pro Heroes to take on law breakers who were too dangerous for someone to take down without a quirk.

But why, after all this time, have the Police and the Pro Heroes remained separate entities? Why have they never combined, and why do they remain so polarized in how they approach situations?

The answer is simple, yet multi-layered. Heroes and Villains ... they’re popular. They attract attention.

Part II: What Makes a Villain

If you assign a person the label “Villain”, you de-humanize them. They are no longer a “person”, per se, but a monster. Evil, in the eyes of most people. It’s easier, then, to accept their fate of being beaten by a Hero, and being carted off to prison.

This is an important distinction to make. If you remove the labels of Hero and Villain. If you remove their Quirks. Do people still react the same way? Do they cheer and adore the hero, as the hero beats the opponent senseless? Of course not. In a battle of man vs man, in the moment, humans don’t react in such a way.

We can understand why an adult who lived a hard life may turn to a life of crime. But, hardly to we look as to why or how they got there.

In this world where quirks have become the norm, but are constantly evolving, we must wonder; how are quirks judged? How are they defined? How are people treated, for the quirk they possess?

We have many examples of outcasts, and they possess a wide variety of quirks from “extremely destructive” to simply “strange, odd, not okay in society”.

Shigaraki and Overhaul are both examples of terrifying, destructive quirks. Is it any wonder that their lives turned out the way they did? The power of death was etched into their very DNA. We know Shigaraki’s backstory and how he became who he is today. It’s implied that Chisaki was abandoned or ran away as well.

Then, you have the more odd quirks that, on the surface don’t seem nefarious, but when explained in context, would make people feel uncomfortable. Toga, who’s quirk is to drink blood and transform into another person. Twice, who can make copies of any person and used his quirk for an evil deed. Nemoto, who can force anyone to tell the truth, and lived a life where he realized everyone was lying to him.

Even Shinsou Hitoshi, desperate to become a hero, was put down for what his quirk DOES. Brainwashing. That’s a “villain’s quirk”. Fellow children said that to him so casually, and behaved as if they were terrified of him!

Eri, with her quirk that made her father disappear from existence itself ... Had she not been rescued from Overhaul, what would have become of her? Forced to believe her entire existence was a curse, told that she does nothing but harm people -- as she grew older and gained control of her power, would anyone honestly think she would have led a life of goodness, considering how she was raised?

How many people labeled Villains are currently in prison, because they were treated like outcasts from the moment they developed a terrifying quirk? Was there anyone there to help them figure their way through this world, considering what they’d been born with? Are there services for people who have trouble controlling their quirks, which are truly destructive? Even with laws in place saying that you can’t use your quirk publicly, just LIVING with that knowledge that you were born ... with a scary quirk ... a villain’s quirk ... How people treat you because of that, how you look, what your quirk can do -- do you ever have any friends? Any real friends, that aren’t just people who are scared of you?

Is it any wonder, that people like this turn out to be “villains”? Society is GROOMING THEM to BE VILLAINS, simply for who and what they are and are born with.

Part III: M O N E Y and F A M E

Throwing oneself into harms way sure is a dangerous move, that most people would never bother doing. How, then, do you entice more people to become heroes and take on the villains that are popping up all around for obvious reasons?

You make your Heroes popular. You make sure they look stylish. They have cool attitudes. You make them popular among the children. After all, getting fellow adults in on the Pro-Hero train is good and all, but much like a pro-athlete, one can likely only do Hero work for a certain span of time before their body is unable to take the strain. Maybe say, ages 18-40?

Besides, with more and more people being born every day with quirks, the number of people who turn to villainous activity will grow, right? Especially if you’re not actively helping people manage their quirks, because hey, they’re not allowed to use them publicly so what does it matter?

Kids. Kids will watch heroes on TV, and see it just like any other super-hero show or cartoon. They’ll buy the merchandise. People will begin to hemorrhage money over these heroes, because they’re flashy. They’re kind. They save lives.

Now, not to say that Heroes are just there for the paycheck -- not at all. Many people become heroes simply because they do love to help people. Some become heroes because they want to stop bad guys. Sure, there are some who do it to maybe someday live an easier life, or because it pays really well and they have family to support. But, I do believe that most people go into the Pro Hero business with good intentions.

THIS, is part of the reason that Pro Heroes have remained separate from law enforcement. They are now a business. A very wealthy business. It’s not just hero agencies that make money off of the Pro Hero business. It’s toy manufacturers. Comic book stores. Prisons. Hospitals. Roots of Pro Hero society reach into nearly every type of business that there is, whether directly or indirectly.

Nobody wants that money to disappear by folding Heroes back into the police force. No, they want MORE heroes. More heroes, and more people for the heroes to fight.

tldr: heroes = $$$, so keep ‘em coming

Part IV: Brainwashed

There are a lot of factors that go into making society as a whole okay with something. It takes a lot of time, for one. It takes powerful, well spoken people. It takes lots of media attention. Before you know it, everyone is eating up the same exact thing quite willingly ... and it spreads to the next generation. And the next. After that happens, its something that is well integrated into society, like a freckle that’s always been on your arm -- its just “always been that way”.

I’ve mentioned several times that its odd for people to be so okay with one person beating another person senseless. Again, we know that its considered acceptable, because of the labels we’ve put on these individuals based on their actions: Heroes and Villains.

What I wonder is: How long have people been okay with this? Do they not realize that, in a way, this is history repeating itself?

We know why people don’t dig deeper into this. Pro Heroes are popular and people love them. The media has hand fed the Hero lifestyle to children for some time now. There are schools, MORE THAN ONE SCHOOL, that teach your child how to become a pro hero.

Think about that. It’s not just some extra-curricular activity, like sports. These are schools, designed to take in freshly graduated MIDDLE-SCHOOLERS who have not finished their regularly schooling education, who still have growing bodies and minds, and ... crafts them into perfect pro-heroes. AND PARENTS ARE OKAY WITH THIS -- SOMETIMES EVEN MORE THAN OKAY WITH IT.

These schools send young teenagers onto the streets under a pro-heroes wing to witness and be a part of fighting crime. Not organized crime, like a ring of bad guys or something, but ... random crime. Disasters. From a young age, they may encounter situations with actual dead people. Their training is dangerous. Their powers can be dangerous. One wrong move, and a student, someone you worked alongside, had lunch with everyday, is just ... gone.

There exists a police force in society. There are already pro-heroes. Why, then, is society okay with multiple schools that are practically breeding child soldiers? They are teaching kids everything about how to kick ass, how to take down these terrifying people, how to fight, how to save lives ...

Why is no one looking into why villains exist in the first place? Are these kids ever taught de-escalation tactics? To talk their opponents down? Not everyone out there is using their quirk to be evil for the sake of being evil. There’s always a reason, a purpose.

Part V: Ignoring Those Who Need Help

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Hey, Star Wars had some good points!

I’ve discussed before what makes a villain. People who are afraid of what they’re capable of. People who society has turned their back on. People who desperately need help, but there is no one out there willing to give it.

These people will always find each other in the shadows. They begin, at a young age, being terrified of what they are. What they’ve done. What they can do. Maybe they’ve been kicked out of their families. Maybe they’ve killed before, completely on accident.

The average person turns their back on people like this.

These people begin their lives terrified. Constantly being told that their quirks, their past, their family, what ever it is, will make them end up a bad person. Or, maybe they tell them they’re already a bad person. That fears breeds anger and hate. Hate for this society that would rather see them burn, than offer them any help.

A young boy grows up into a man. He had a potentially devastating quirk that he never really got a good hold on, because he was never allowed to practice with it. Everyone is too scared to let him try. Then, one day, something happens -- completely by accident. He causes a scene. A massacre. He hurts people.

Parents are excited to see which of their quirks their baby displays. Instead of being one or the other, or even a fusion of both, the unthinkable occurs. Its a mutation. The toddler hurts a sibling, a parent, a friend. Terrified, the parents abandon the child, for fear of losing their entire family.

A child is told, over and over, that his quirk will never be good for anything other than being evil. This knowledge rests heavy on his shoulders, its repeated to him yearly as he grows. Then, when he acts on what everyone has TOLD HIM FOR YEARS HE WILL DO, they are surprised. As if they hadn’t imprinted the very notion into his mind.

In a way, Overhaul was right about one thing. Hero society is a disease. People look forward to watching Heroes take down Villains and save the day. They don’t think at all about why these people are villains, how they got there, where they came from. They will never admit to potentially being the reason villains exist in the first place.

Part VI: Cycle/Conclusion

Wow, I have rambled a lot. I don’t think I hit every point that I’ve ever thought of for sure. There’s ... a lot of them. And a lot of comparisons I wanted to make to other superhero anime, specifically Tiger and Bunny, which I believe does an excellent job of showing the ups and downs of hero societies.

What I wanted to make clear in all this rambling mess (which, if you read all of it, I am SO SO SORRY), is that the very existence of Pro Heroes and Villains exist solely because of a few factors that exist in a cycle.

Pro Heroes = $$$ -> Schools for more heroes -> ignoring quirk-related-problems -> more villains -> pro heroes beat up villains -> pro heroes =$$$ etc

There is someone, or some organization, that sits above all of this. There has to be. There has to be some more logical explanation as to why this type of Hero v Villain culture has been allowed to exist all of this time, and things have not drifted more back in the direction of police vs lawbreakers. There has to be a reason that its okay for heroes to be so popular. There has to be a reason that children are allowed to be groomed into becoming heroes. There has to be a reason that there isn’t more help out there for people with these types of potentially destructive quirks.

There has to be reasons.

There has to be reasons for how the Hero Commission moves. There has to be reasons for how the police move. There has to be a reason that society is still allowed to go on like this, and that its become culturally acceptable.

If anyone out there can put all my rambling into clearer words and actively wants to, I would love that. Thank you for taking the time to read my mess!

xoxo Wild

What movie or tv show scared you the most?

OH HEEHEEHEEEEEE MY TIME HAS COME

I think this was probably the sign I was meant to be a horror fan, because I'm gonna talk about two movies here and neither one is a standard horror film. Now, I avoided horror films like the plague, but I now realize that's because of my aversion to jumpscares and gore, which have very little to do with actual scary stuff. I feared actual horror imagery as a small child, but basically once I read Coraline it all just turned around because that book gave me nightmares but I actually WANTED those nightmares and kept going back to the book. So what are the movies I just COULD NOT contend with?

First up, I have found that a lot of people have said this one, but really and truly, fuck Chicken Run.

I was...maybe ten when I watched it. Signed up for a goofy claymation adventure. What did I get? First of all, a whole lot of bleak color palette that warned me that this was not going to be a happy story. We are then shown the stakes right away: our entire main cast lives in a dystopian prison and if they do not find a way to escape, they will die. One DOES die. This is where a lot of people say they noped out right away, but actually, the execution of the dinner chicken in the first scene was tame for me compared to what would come next.

The pie machine. It's assembled, it's talked about, and eventually our two leads fall into it in a way that is designed to be fatal. Look, there are a ton of horror tropes in this scene alone. I haven't seen it SINCE THE ONE AIRING and I can still vividly tell you a lot of this. And if I walked into a horror film and asked for this, I'd come out super satisfied, but I was not expecting horror from this. First of all, I remember vividly the shot where you're looking from Ginger's POV falling down the shaft and the divider comes up to shunt her into the "meat" line. It's incredibly claustrophobic and you just get this almost jumpscare reminder that the character through whose eyes you see is regarded as nothing more than meat to be consumed. There is then an array of blades designed for close calls, and dough that essentially glues the lead characters down to a conveyor belt so they have to helplessly watch the death machines that are coming. Sticky stuff that roots you to one spot; that's another thing that just REALLY unnerves me and I love it if I'm reading CreepyPasta but I was not reading CreepyPasta; I was watching a children's film. The leads escape certain death by jamming the gravy system, causing the machine to overload on pressure, and here I feel like I should've been relieved that they escaped but instead I was the most unsettled of all when the pressure meter started climbing. I don't know if this film *gave* me a phobia of industrial accidents or if it just awakened what was already in my OCD little brain, but suffice to say that after this movie, I was hyper-aware of my own fear of things like hissing steam, rising pressure meters, and being in a room where large metal things were clanking. (I'm since over it; I've been exposed to it in enough things.)

Now, I was no quitter. I should have just noped out. But I didn't. I continued to traumatize myself. The next part of the film until the climax I don't remember so well - it wasn't as traumatizing - EXCEPT for the part where Ginger finds and rebuilds Rocky's circus poster. And now, as an adult, I can see how that was kinda supposed to be funny, like, "The goddamn chicken padded his résumé and the way they found this out was a circus poster." But little me was invested in these chickens, I wanted them to be happy, and what I saw was basically their death notice being signed with that scrap of paper with a cannon on it. I FELT that in my bones.

STILL NOT HAVING THE GOOD SENSE TO JUST EJECT THE TAPE ALREADY, I proceeded to the climax, in which what happens to Tweedy might be one of the most fucking awful things I've seen ever? Pinned upside-down in a superheated, confined space with rising liquid from below as the pressure meter starts climbing again. And her husband arrives just in time to see her like this but not in time to actually stop the explosion. Thank God it didn't actually kill her because even though I was already traumatized, that would've absolutely made it worse.

Thing is, ever since this movie scared the absolute shit out of me - and was probably the cause of the weird stomachaches I had for A WEEK after - I've kinda had this thing about reclaiming the scary parts and stomping on them while laughing maniacally. I feel like every time I've done a crossover project, there's been a temptation to write in an arc where the mains go up against THE PIE MACHINE and fucking win. And also there's whump with tons of comfort in my version to mitigate it all. I haven't done any such thing for TBTC...YET. But I know what I must do. I know who must destroy the machine and the Tweedys along with it. Buckle your seatbelts.

My final word before I move on is that as I ascend into adulthood, I think that for the most part, a rewatch of this film wouldn't traumatize me so badly. It'd still be gross and creepy in a way I think shouldn't be sent to children without warning, but I could deal with the imagery, maybe enjoy using it as whump fuel even more, maybe my horror side would really get into the peril this time. But the one thing I've realized is that this premise is fucked EVEN MORE if you're a grown-up, because as a child, you're sympathizing with the chickens. You want them to get free of this death camp environment. But as an adult, you start to realize that all Tweedy wanted to do was be a chicken farmer who sold pie, and her supposedly nonsentient animals ganged up on her in a display of unheard-of intellect among farm stock. This would then lead to her undergoing at least one near-death fate. Think about being a farmer in our world and the animals you keep GANG UP ON YOU LIKE PEOPLE because you're killing them for food. No thank you, no THANK you.

But surely this was a one-of-a-kind phenomenon. Surely, after this...after so many other people agreed with me; "Fuck Chicken Run"...no animation studio would ever pull shit like this again.

I had hoped that was the case until Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.

This is one I don't actually see lambasted as often. Maybe because the Chicken Run trauma crew grew thicker skins before this movie. I only sort of did. Maybe because no one ever actually invested in this film, having already predicted how much it would be garbage from the dumb humor in the trailers. Oh, but not me. I was a fool. Also my family picked it for a movie night so my fate was sealed anyway.

The original book is actually pretty frightening on its own. Food falls from the sky in such great numbers that it starts to destroy the world. Okay, that's terrifying. But kind of in the alluring way. I would keep coming back to the one page about the giant pancake on the school because the way it was drawn unsettled me so, with something huge and immovable blocking off the way to a building that usually has hundreds of innocent children inside. The film built on this and made it a thousand times worse.

Let's start with the goddamn Spray-On Shoe. Our main character is a mad scientist (but the good kind, apparently) whose list of bumbling failed experiments dates back to when he was a child and invented a spray you could put on your feet to coat them in shoes. He then gets laughed at because he didn't engineer a way to get the shoes off, and runs home in humiliation. Guys, the teasing/bullying factor is...not the most worrying thing about this story. There's a throwaway line about how Flint wears THE SAME SHOES into adulthood because to that day they simply cannot be removed. This seems like an incredibly urgent medical problem? Having your feet encased in the same rubber for years? The same rubber as when you're a kid? I just found myself thinking "What if my shoes never came off one day" and that terrifies me, okay? It's stupid and it's silly and it scares me. Even more than that, though, is the canonization of a polymer in this universe that can be sprayed on sticky and will literally never break no matter what you do to it, because that goes back to the pie machine dough principle. Being glued to a surface permanently is inherently terrifying and we'll go over this later because this is not the last fuckin time the glue shoes get brought up.

Flint invents a food-spewing machine. It ends up in the sky. He rides his popularity as it rains larger and larger food down upon the town and also the world. Most of this film up until the climax is unsettling but not AWFUL. Where it starts to go to shit is when Flint realizes his machine is too dangerous and shuts it off, only for the town's local greedy politician to switch it back on into an apocalyptic mode. So can we start with "Local town finds out its elected official is willing to sabotage their well-being in order to capitalize on the fame of a disaster-causing object?". Like, the whole film would've been solved so much sooner if there hadn't been a saboteur in the works - not a fun campy villain, mind you, but a saboteur who exists to drive the plot to the scary place. But I guess we need that narrative tension to justify having a film in the first place, so fine, I'll ride it out.

The main crew saddles up to fly out to the machine, which is now encased in a FLESH LABYRINTH of food, and...I'm just gonna rapid-fire the shit that happens at this part:

-The food turns sentient in order to defend itself. The cute animal sidekick brutally dismembers an army of gummy bears that is fully sentient and rips them apart to devour them.

-We enter the flesh labyrinth and it's exactly as much a horror RPG setting as you think it is.

-Now sentient cooked chickens besiege the party. The comic relief character is consumed by one, only to kill it from the inside and decide to WEAR ITS SKIN in what is seen as his defining character arc's conclusion. Wearing the skin of a dead monster allows him to forge his new identity.

-One of our party has to go back because of a tight passage lined with her deadly allergen, causing her to undergo anaphylaxis after an accidental mild nick. In the flesh labyrinth.

-The entire horrific journey is instantly INVALIDATED when it turns out that instead of the kill code for the machine, all Flint has is a file of a cat video. Which he finds out as the town is about to be obliterated off the face of the earth.

-So he solves it by jamming the works with the spray-on shoe and DID I NOT JUST GO OVER HOW HORRIFIC INDUSTRIAL EXPLOSIONS ARE IN KIDS' MOVIES? DID I NOT? ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS AGAIN? Anyway it's canonical proof that NOTHING can break the shoe glue and I should be happy for the town and happy that there's no more flesh labyrinth of living meat but instead I'm just terrified because of the door we have opened. We have imparted the existence of an indestructible sticky polymer upon the world.

-It's later seen used in a credits sequence to repair damaged houses. Which, first of all, given its flexible nature, is fuckin stupid. It won't serve as an actual wall. Second, that got me thinking about construction accidents involving the fuckin shoe glue. If that stuff gets dripped on a person's face -

-So then cue me sitting awake in bed later thinking wide-eyed about Cloudy with a Chance of Fucking Meatballs and realizing that this compound that is essentially a chemical weapon in the making is now in the hands of the mayor who deliberately caused an apocalyptic event over the town because he wanted the food rain. And THAT'S not going to lead to pretty circumstances.

I think you'll see that a lot of my fears with these two movies is "THINK OF THE IMPLICATIONS!" and I think that just shows how my mind works and why I'm drawn to fanfic so much. I'm all about diving into a universe, exploring its corners, analyzing it to death.

And with the industrial horror stuff, I kinda wanna bring it around to two other films that actually really subverted my expectations and made it fun. 102 Dalmatians was a fave of mine through middle school, but I remember when the climax took us to a big ol' factory and I got plumb nervous. After the usual blades and ovens of horror, the fact that it concludes with Cruella basically wearing a cake and a lengthy montage of the dogs kicking toppings onto her is just one of the most wholesome imageries. She survived the thing and now you get to watch her be decorated Lisa Frank style by her victims who are more interested in humiliation than murder, and I love that.

But maybe more prevalent is that I'm well aware that if certain filmography or plot points had been handled in different ways, The Boxtrolls might've actually frightened the ever-loving fuck out of me what with all the industrial stuff and medical horror, but I just...felt like that film was holding my hand the whole way through going "It's okay." The industrial stuff was framed in a way that was just campy enough and yet also taken seriously. Putting a really charismatic villain - ACTUAL VILLAIN, NOT CHICKEN FARMER OR CORRUPT POLITICIAN SABOTEUR - at the wheel was just such a mitigating factor that it gelled the whole thing together and I ended up LOVING what was done with giant machines and garbage crushers and explosions. And as for the medical body horror, I really appreciate how it was so baked in that Snatcher did that to himself - that everyone, EVERYONE warned him "Do not do this, you will probably die, I'm serious, bad fucking idea" up to the point of Eggs trying to plead him during an anaphylaxis attack, one last time, DO NOT continue down this path, we can find a way to heal you psychologically and get you some self-fulfillment. And Snatcher fully chooses hubris over the many, many opportunities offered him to be able to step down onto a safer path and that removes the fear and pulls it more into a tragedy for the villain. Not at all the same thing as "Sam the reporter is trying to save the world and doing her best until a fixture of the landscape accidentally sends her into anaphylaxis."

(Oh, and by the way, can I just - when I do see CWACOM brought up these days, it's always in the context of "This is the one movie where the guy tells the girl it's okay to look nerdy!". Well, no, not the way I remember it. The way I remember it, Sam basically tells Flint "I used to have really tacky style but have since changed it up of my own volition" and Flint is just like "NOOOOO YOU NEED TO WEAR GLASSES AND A SCRUNCHIE. I WANT A HOT NERD GIRL." This could've been pulled off right with some more introspection into female beauty standards, even in a tongue-in-cheek way, but right now it really looks like Sam just wanted to make herself more glam for a new image and Flint bullied her into regressing her style. Which I've also realized meant he bullied her into dressing more like she did as a teenager and normally I think that kind of shit is just "You're overthinking it" but since it's CWACOM and I spelled it out on paper like that, I'm just now realizing how that can be seen as pretty...icky.)

The one saving grace of CWACOM is that I was older by that time, and so it didn't affect me as hard as Chicken Run. But I still hold it dearly to my heart as one of the MOST DISTURBING movies I know, and by "dearly" I mean "fuck this movie, really and truly." I want to extend my thanks to 102D and Boxtrolls for giving me industrial-horror-based climaxes that were actually really comfortable, and again, probably what drove both of these was the fact that we had a campy diva villain in the lead for the potential scary stuff to surround and radiate off. Not a fuckin...ordinary chicken farmer who is just trying to make bank but is somehow passed as a Nazi allegory for trying to live her life as a farmer? I dunno, maybe if I rewatched that film I'd see she has a thirst for human blood too, and if I could fix fic Chicken Run my first order of business would be to give her a thirst for human blood instead of/in addition to chickens.

Anyway. Fuck both these films, EXCEPT for the fact that traumatizing scenarios can always be recast as whump material, and the next time I wanna do some crossover aftercare from a physically and psychologically damaging mission, I have a pie machine and a flesh labyrinth to exploit. REALLY HEAVY ON THAT AFTERCARE COMFORT THOUGH!

Rant/Facts about ED Recovery and Diet Culture:

Alright, so this is J and I have been scrolling through Pinterest and am pissed the fuck off about the sheer amount of diet culture polluted bullshit I have been seeing. So I, a recovering bulimic in a system with three people struggling with or in recovery from anorexia is about to go off. SO here is a list of FACTs plus sources for your trouble. I know my grammar may suck, I know, but I get word/letter order fucked so bear with me. There will be swearing because this is me we are talking about.

1. BMI IS THE SINGLE BIGGEST CROCK OF SHIT EVER

BMI was made by a mathematician, not a doctor, medical professional, nutritionist or otherwise. It does not take in muscle mass, body type, actual physical health, and other very important factors.

BASED ON MATH FROM THE 1830s, (Can you say classism, racism, and sexism much???)

Personally, the body we are in was nearly a ‘healthy’ BMI when our heart and kidneys were starting to shut down (this was confirmed by a doctor)

2. Extreme hunger/ Intense preoccupation with food is NOT normal.

 It’s a sign that your nutritional needs are not being met and is a major red flag for an eating disorder.

R and D both experienced this and both thought they were just ‘gross’ or weird. It took three weeks in inpatient treatment to realize that was because of the extreme restriction

3. BINGE EATING DOES NOT MAKE YOU GROSS EVER OR AT ALL

People who restrict their food intake, whether sporadically or chronically, tend to binge eat. 

Binging is NOT because of a problem with ‘self-discipline’ but because the body has decided they are in famine mode meaning it’s crucial to eat whatever/ as much as possible because the body doesn’t have any idea when there will be food next. (hence why it’s the stuff that’s convenient or close by, even if you hate the stuff.)

Even people with ‘strictly’ restrictive eating disorders can experience binging. In fact, it’s even more common.

4. CARBS ARE THE BODY’S PREFERRED SOURCE OF ENERGY

Carbs are easy to turn into glucose/easily usable energy. This means that our bodies crave/like these because it’s the easiest/ most efficient fuel for our bodies

While our bodies need every nutrient, there is a reason we crave carbs. Every freaking culture (at least that I can think of) has a heavy emphasis on carbs (rice, wheat, barley, corn...). THINKING ABOUT IT I THINK EVERY CULTURE HAS A BREAD OF SORTS

Our ancestors survived off of a LOT of carbs, and that was because they were and are necessary.

EXCLUDING diabetes, certain metabolic/medical conditions and dietary needs, YOU DON’T NEED TO BE SCARED OF CARBS

5. REMEMBER MY CARBS RANT??? Well, guess what? Fats are important and necessary too!

6. Cutting out food groups, unless medically necessary and or recommended by a doctor is NOT a good plan.

Excluding allergies/intolerances or medical problems, you will not benefit from removing food groups from your diet.

The gluten-free diet trend is a really great example

Now. I HAVE CELIAC. Meaning I have eliminated gluten to keep myself safe, healthy and prevent myself from being violently sick or becoming malnourished. I know allergies and intolerances are real and debilitating and that is not what I am talking about. I am also excluding Vegetarian and other sorts of choices because there is medical evidence that in MOST cases you can do in a safe and healthy way.

If you do not have an intolerance, allergy or otherwise. There is no reason or benefit from switching to a gluten-free diet. Trust me from experience it is a huge pain, makes eating out, travel, and meals in general so much more stressful.

7. Eating chocolate, or more frowned upon foods is NOT bad and should not make you feel ashamed or guilty

THERE IS NO BAD FOOD UNLESS IT IS POISON, WILL MAKE YOU SICK, OR IF YOUR ALLERGIC TO IT. (looking at you bread and fudging peanuts)

Treats or food you enjoy is good, and not bad. Hell, anything in moderation or without disordered intent is FINE as long as it doesn’t harm you.

Again to reiterate FOOD IS FOOD AND FOOD IS IMPORTANT

8. Extreme/Rapid weight loss is DANGEROUS regardless of your starting size/weight

I have seen way too many articles that boast things about losing weight fast and that is terrifying because that is dangerous!!!!

I am not saying that everyone who ever has lost weight ever is in horrible danger, but specifically fast and extreme changes in weight is scary. And can indicate serious medical issues or an eating disorder.

9. For the love of God, stop commenting on people’s weight, whether gain or loss

When we as a system left treatment we were back to a healthier weight but the constant commentary of ‘oh you look great’ or just weird looks made things so much fudging harder.

Two weeks before we were hospitalized we had people asking how ‘we did it’ which unintentionally or not, encouraged the habits that were killing us.

You CANT know how/why someone’s weight has changed. They could be really sick. They could be struggling. SO just hush up and don’t say shit.

10. Your body is made to function, keep you alive, and keep you safe. NOT to be aesthetically pleasing

Your set point or the place your body naturally needs/wants to be weight wise is based on biological factors and needs, there is nothing wrong with it being higher than ‘average’, or where you or society wants it to be.

Some people have certain features that are glamorized as attractive. But this is NOT possible for everyone. (It’s not discipline, workouts, or diet. It’s fucking genetics, bone structure, and physiology)

All the ‘negative features of the human body (body fat, pouch on the stomach, weight distribution) Have a purpose and are necessary.

YOUR HEALTH AND SAFETY IS WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN STUPID SOCIETAL IDEAS.

You owe it to yourself to be able to have a healthy relationship with food and your body. You do not need to earn the right to eat or appreciate your body, it is a right. You can have a healthy, productive and happy life without a ‘perfect’ or even ‘attractive’ body. You do not have to justify the things your body needs to function in a safe and healthy way. You are more than a number, more than a measurement, and more than an arbitrary idea of beauty. You are human, you are enough, you are lovable, you are worthy of life and happiness. You can do this. You so loved.

Self-care mother fuckers,

J 

LESSONS LEARNT FROM BEING DIAGNOSED WITH AN INVISIBLE CHRONIC ILLNESS:

29/05/2020

I received my Crohn’s disease diagnosis in May 2016, after experiencing months of extreme physical pain, emotional exhaustion & mental confusion (I was NOT having a good year!). Prior to this, as one should be in their 20’s, I was relatively carefree & quite active. Almost overnight, that healthy energetic person disappeared. Her place taken by someone scared & embarrassed. Suddenly, I wasn’t spending my free time with friends or at the gym, but sat in hospital waiting rooms surrounded by distressed strangers. I was being prescribed various medications with unpronounceable titles & terrifying side effects, & was expected to immediately begin taking these – no questions asked.

Fast forward to today, those dark times are luckily behind me (for now at least!). I am still popping pills on a daily basis – but have learnt to pronounce these by now! I also have to inject myself with a really scary drug fortnightly, avoid certain foods, & accept that my body will no longer allow me to be as active as I would like to be. I still get bouts of feeling very afraid of what the future may hold. BUT, things do not feel as bleak as they did back then. And I have definitely enjoyed holidays, night-outs, long walks & a cocktail or two in the recent years, so no need to feel too bad for me!

There have been three major life lessons my ongoing Crohn’s journey has taught me so far:

        LESSON (1) ---> ‘DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER!’

So many life-changing & chronic physical health issues are entirely invisible to the naked eye. Crohn’s, colitis, diabetes, epilepsy, fibromyalgia, asthma, migraines, food allergies, multiple sclerosis, to name a few. Need I highlight the obvious? Mental health issues are almost always invisible too. Depression, PTSD, OCD, social anxiety, personality disorders, post-natal depression, the list could go on & on. It’s so important to remember: ‘not every disability is visible!’

It still impacts me to this day how some people look at me when I’m being instructed to walk through for a blood test as a priority, or when I’m stood in front of them in the pharmacy queue. I am only presuming of course, but it does often seem like they are thinking ‘Why is she going first? She looks fine, I’m clearly more sick than she is.’ Why on earth am I made to feel like I am doing something wrong, just because I am not visibly unwell!? (Saying that, I could also be getting funny looks because of my daunting Greek surname, who knows?!)

My point is, be considerate & don’t judge people. The very same person who has just posted that gorgeous selfie on social media, may have been overcome with pure desperation just minutes later. The ‘rude’ person getting on the train may be experiencing an intense panic attack. That friend that keeps turning up unannounced may be in desperate need of distraction from their physical or mental health worries. The driver behind you that honked his horn the second the traffic lights turned green, may be on his way to a life-changing hospital appointment, or in desperate need of the loo!

So please be kind! We never really know what someone is going through.

         LESSON (2) ----> THE ‘SPOON THEORY’

Any of my clients reading this will know all about the famous ‘spoon theory’ from me waffling on about it during sessions. For anyone that hasn’t heard of this before, the ‘spoon theory’ suggests that healthy people have unlimited ‘spoonfuls’ of energy/effort/ability each day, however people with an illness or those going through some form of trauma, do not. Therefore these must use their numbered ‘spoons’ wisely as to avoid ‘burn-out’. As someone with an invisible illness, I thought I’d benefit from a personal reminder that some days are going to be harder than others, & so chose to get a spoon tattooed on my forearm!

I’m not suggesting you all get tattoos, don’t panic! I am however suggesting that you show yourself compassion when going through a challenging chapter. For example, if you are struggling with low mood at present or physical pain, it is literally impossible for you to be as productive as usual. So instead of piling more & more on your to-do list & feeling terrible for ‘failing’ at these ‘simple’ tasks, why not remove some items instead? Spend your precious spoons on the tasks that will benefit you here & now. In practical terms, if you feel you have 3 spoons today, you will not be able to use 10! It really is as simple as that. So adjust your to do-lists accordingly.

Tomorrow is another day, give yourself time!

          LESSON 3) ---> ‘GRIEF IS A ROLLER-COASTER!’

What has grief got to do with illness? Well…everything! 

There is a great & complex amount of loss that comes with illness. You are no longer the same person once you fall ill, especially if this illness is chronic. You can lose the ability to do certain things or go certain places. You can lose precious time at medical appointments or sorting through medications. You can lose touch with individuals that don’t seem to understand the magnitude of what has happened to you. You can lose faith. You can lose hope. You can lose independence. You can lose confidence. So OF COURSE you are going to be grieving!

The main theory around loss suggests that there are seven different stages of grief (feel free to explore further in your own time, it really is interesting). These are:

1)     Shock

2)     Denial

3)     Anger

4)     Bargaining

5)     Depression

6)     Testing

7)     Acceptance

As promising as the final stage seems, unfortunately bereavement is an ongoing process & definitely not linear. What this means is, once you reach ‘acceptance’, you don’t necessarily stay there. It is also worth mentioning that each & every individual experiences grief in their own unique way, & that external factors can massively impact this too. No wonder bereavement is such a complicated process!

What does all this mean? Well it means, if you have lost something, it is OK to feel angry about it. If you have been made redundant at work, it’s OK to not throw yourself into job applications & interviews the very next day. If a loved one has passed away, it’s OK to feel low about it 3 years later, or 5, or 10!

Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. It’s OK!

The last couple of months have been...one hell of an adventure for me. I went to Europe for the first time and had an amazing time! Going to Europe has been my dream since I was little and getting to do it...and doing it to see an online fandom friend....oh it’s the stuff of dreams~ 

And then in September, I had a bilateral mastectomy. When I was about 21 or 22 I had a blood test done...my mom got breast cancer pretty young so...ya know. I took a test and I was positive for the gene. It wasn’t a matter of if but of when. I started seeing her doctor about the road that lied ahead. The previous year I had masses removed but the danger was still there. Ever present. Doctor’s horrible lack of communication with each other, giving me the runaround, trying to save my nipples..I turned 26 and I wasn’t covered by my parent’s insurance anymore. So then I had to try and get my own medical aid. After some time, I got it and prayed the hospital would accept it and cover it. Time passed and it was finally accepted! I had the surgery...the thing with my nipples was that, my breasts were too big so they couldn’t be saved but they’re a small price to pay to reduce the risk of getting cancer. Today(maybe yesterday) I just got out of my second surgery, this one for reconstruction and am now home safely resting because it all went well. 

Some of you have become Ohana to me and I felt like I should share this. It can be scary. A lot factors into situations like this. I know I have been very lucky...with my family’s support, with the doctors, hell even with finding my own insurance that covered the stuff I need. Modern science and medicine has come a very long way, and so has treatment but still, early detection is so crucial. 

Your body is yours and you know it better than anyone. If something doesn’t seem or feel right...as terrifying as it can be...be brave and fight. It’s so damn easy to say, trust me...I took courage from my family, from my friends, from you guys, from my favorite characters. All of you have helped me in some really dark times. 

You all made me brave and strong. You’ve made me laugh and go awe and I can’t thank you all enough for just being part of my life. 

~Your McDanno Alpha/Amerika 

Taylor Swift is no Snake – only Karyn is

My response to “30 THINGS I LEARNED BEFORE TURNING 30”

At the beginning Taylor refers to social media and says that many people hide behind it to insult and hurt others emotionally. Although Taylor wants to use it as a connection to her fans, she has learned that she does “not need the validation of someone telling me that I look 🔥🔥🔥”. Here, Taylor addresses the exact danger and disadvantage of social media. Today’s generation is using it to get validation, while creating an image of a perfect life. They post pictures or videos of them partying, drinking, doing sports, eating healthy food. Especially make-up tutorials are very popular among teenagers. Thus, the dream job of them is not being a firefighter, a police officer or an astronaut any more, but being an “influencer”. When you don’t adjust to a beauty image, you are called names and are prone to insults. Also Taylor has learned that. In her article she writes, “you could unwittingly see someone telling you that you look like a weasel that got hit by a truck and stitched back together by a drunk taxidermist.” People who write comments like that either don’t realize that they seriously hurt someone by writing this or they want to hurt them intentionally and hide behind the internet’s anonymity.

The second lesson Taylor has learned is that a kind behavior is not always beneficial. When you are always kind, people might get used to this and take advantage of it by using you for their own goods, or they do not take you seriously when you clearly state your opinion. I’ve also learned that saying “No” does not mean that you are selfish, but that it is good for yourself to stand up for your opinion. Whether people accept your opinion shows your true relationship. Do it Taylor-style: “Be like a snake – only bite if someone steps on you”. Be kind to people who are kind to you, but if you feel used or oppressed, stand up for yourself, you deserve it.

Taylor’s third lesson is important for everyone who feels bad for failing. Just because you have failed does not mean that you are a “loser”. It also does not mean that you haven’t given your best. Like Taylor says, “it’s good to mess up and learn from it and take risks”. Having learned from your mistakes or failures can help build your character, and it makes you stronger. In my case, I´ve failed my driver’s license test the first time. Although I was really really sad at first, I suddenly realized that it was for my own good because I had to take five or so more lessons, which helped me gain more self-assurance. So, I’ve passed the second one. It has also helped me learn to accept my failures, to live in it and to come out stronger.

Everyone who hates his or her body should take a look at lesson four. DO NOT HATE YOUR BODY BECAUSE OF A CERTAIN IDEAL PORTRAYED IN ANY KIND OF MEDIA! Especially in times of social media, showing your skinny and/or trained body has become an influence on people, especially on young people. Being confronted with pictures of those “perfect” bodies every day can make you feel bad when you don’t adjust to that beauty ideal. Like Taylor says, “a lot of us push the boundaries of dieting”. We search for various diets Hollywood stars have used to get “in shape”. But when you look at the consequences of those hard-core diets that make you lose a lot of weight in a short time, you should recognize that you’re harming your body. In my opinion, you should do sports – but not to adjust to a certain ideal. You should do it to make and keep your body healthy. You should also not lose weight to become as skinny as possible. You should do it to relieve pressure off your joints and to stay mobile. You should always remember that you have ONE body and that you shouldn’t stress it with an excessive diet. I have lost 20 kg myself during my senior year at school to be able to wear a nice dress. But most of all I recognized that my knees started to hurt while walking and I was out of breath after taking the stairs. Those two factors encouraged me to do sports, and it has helped me so much. Additionally, it supported my learning process during the finals. I am glad that Taylor has shared her opinion on that to show especially young people that pushing “boundaries of dieting […] can be really dangerous” and that “there is no quick fix”.

As lesson number five Taylor names banishing drama from your life. It is nice to hear from her that she is also suggesting blocking poisonous people. When your life is so consumed by people who cause drama in your life, you do not get to focus on yourself. Especially when you’re feeling down yourself and other people decide to knock you down additionally, you have every right to block them. Like Taylor says, “be discerning” of those around you. Sometimes you’ve tried to solve the problems with those people but then it happens again and again. Here, you have to decide if the person is worth it or if a further contact is just hurting you. Sometimes you gotta let go of people, even if it feels weird or hurts at first. If the drama queens are taking swings or the jokers are dressing up as kings, just let go and say “here’s a toast to my real friends”!

I love that Taylor is addressing it in lesson six: women are allowed to age. She says that the pressure on women regarding “everlasting youth” is not fair because it “isn’t even remotely required of men”. When men get older, they are told that they look wiser and that aging makes them sexier. When women show visible signs of their age, they are told that they look old and should do something about it. When you look at the amount of anti-aging cremes for women available in beauty stores, you can see the apparent importance of that matter for women. Also when having a look at the many Hollywood stars and their faces, it seems that aging women in the entertainment industry do not exist. Sometimes those frozen Botox faces are really scary, especially when you see pictures of those women before they have (in my opinion) destroyed their faces. I do not say that women should not take care of themselves, but I think that at some point in our lives, we should accept that we get older and that our bodies will change. It is natural, and all of our scars and wrinkles stand for the things we have experienced in our lives. And this does not refer to plastic surgery after an accident or anything else which has disfeatured someone’s body and face. On the contrary, I think this should be supported by health care.

Lesson seven has seriously touched me. It is so sad that Taylor and other artists have to be scared of any kind of violence. Those two examples Taylor addresses have touched me personally because I love going to concerts. Especially the attack during Ariana’s concert shook me because so many young people were killed and got hurt at a place where they wanted to have a great time seeing their idol. I don’t get why people hurt other people like this. At the same time I start to understand why the safety arrangements at concerts have changed a lot. It is terrifying to read that Taylor only felt safe(er) on stage wearing QuikClot army grade bandage dressing and that she does not feel safe privately at all. I have the biggest respect for everyone involved in the planning of the tour and for the security people who had to do their best at keeping everyone safe. For this reason I try my best to get through the security check as fast as possible by looking what is allowed beforehand and by already opening my bag when the person in front of me is checked. I am also being nice by saying “hello”, “thank you” and “good-bye”. Taylor’s last sentence shows how we can deal with those threats best: “We have to live bravely in order to truly feel alive, and that means not being ruled by our greatest fears.”

Lesson number eight is very important for our self-esteem. It is a lesson I have also learned myself: “For an approval seeker like me, it was an important lesson for me to learn to have my OWN value system of what I actually want.” It is so important to have your own values and to stand up for them. When people say, “don’t listen to what others say”, I always answer, “that’s right, but I care what I think”. We do not have to follow everything other people say when we do not feel comfortable with it. Unfortunately, when you say this you are mostly called stubborn or not able to compromise. But I think in the end it is most important what we think of ourselves and that we can be proud of our decisions, although it might sometimes annoy others.

Lesson number nine: self-made cocktails. I should really try that because there’s nothing cooler than hosting your own birthday party for example and being able to offer some really nice cocktails.

Lesson number ten is really relatable. When you like to cook, you’ll always find some recipes which you love to cook and which taste delicious. I started to cook myself to be in better control of what I am eating and to reduce the amount of fat I am eating because too much fat causes a really bad feeling in my stomach since I’ve had to get my gallbladder removed in 2015 (1 week after Taylor’s 1989 show in Cologne). I am also using the garlic crusher because it helps to have little pieces of garlic in your meal without it being too strong. Moreover, I’ve just heard that garlic is a good way to make some meals more digestible. At this point, I’d recommend Taylor to release an own cook book with her favorite meals because those dishes sound amazing.

Number eleven is great. Command tape is so so good. I’ve also used it to put a hook for my jewelry on my wardrobe because I did not want to have a hole in it. It has not disappointed me because it has not fallen down yet (for about 10 years).

Number twelve is really important. Although it is sometimes hard to admit that you were wrong, apologizing is really important for a friendship / relationship. This can help the friendship / relationship to build trust, and it helps the ones affected get past this.

Unfortunately, lesson thirteen is a very current issue. This exactly is the problem: many victims of sexual assault do not come forward because they think that no-one will believe them. Moreover, like Taylor writes, going through the trial must be horrible because you have to talk about it and to live through it again. I am lucky that I have never been in this position. Maybe this is why I don’t understand why you could feel ashamed for it because like Taylor says, “It’s something no one would choose for themselves.” The ones that have done this should be ashamed for doing this to the victims, not the victims themselves. It is so important for the victims to speak up to hold the offender responsible for the things they have done, to start the process of putting it behind them (at least to regain some normality) and to prevent others from being assaulted by the same person. I hope in the future more victims will be believed to reduce those horrible deeds.

Lesson fourteen is something most people have to deal with. When a person close to you loses someone or has to go through any other kind of tragedy, you mostly do not know what to say. Mostly the only thing helpful for them is to let them know that you are here and to hug them. I think you know it is a real friendship when you are in a bad place and see if the other person is here for you or not. I have experienced this various times. Every time I thought I have finally found a best friend whom I can depend on in all situations, I have gotten disappointed. I have always been there for her when she had a bad fight with her boyfriend, and I have listened to her relationship problems and the problems she had at work. However, when I was in a really bad place because my grandparents have died within a short time and was totally looking forward to a movie night to get some distraction, she wrote me that exact day that she would rather go out with another friend to a bar. This was the time I stopped believing in that friendship. It is hard when you try your best to help your friends but mostly do not get it back. Now I’ve gotten to know some Swiftie friends whom I have never met personally, but feel really connected to and get really good advice or encouragement, which I love to return. I am so glad Taylor wrote about this in her article because I feel like the feeling of mutual support has declined nowadays.

I have learned lesson fifteen as well. Vitamins can make the way you feel so much better. Some years ago, I was feeling really sad all the time and I didn’t know why. My doctor one day told me to get my blood tested and it showed that I lacked Vitamin D and B12. So, I started to take supplements and a few weeks later I felt so much better. Taylor says something helpful here: Magnesium. For someone who loves going to the gym 5 to 6 days a week like me, magnesium is really helpful for the muscles, especially to avoid cramps due to overload. It seriously helps.

Lesson sixteen is important for everyone who trust people they haven’t know too long too soon. Taylor explains that “the layers of a person you discover in time” are “more valuable” than the ones you see when you first meet them. I have experienced that too. For example some years ago I got to know someone of whom I thought could be my best friend. We had so much in common and we had fun at the beginning. However, over the time I learned that she was only talking about herself, and when I needed her, she wasn’t there. Those are the moments when you realize that that friendship won’t work out. I have also experienced that a short time later. I was part of a dance team for about 20 years. Then one day we had a discussion about our costumes. Something that I didn’t feel comfortable was suggested, although it was well known that this was the only thing I would never wear. It was a long discussion and I said that I’d rather quit before wearing that because it would make me feel horrible and uncomfortable. In that situation no-ne really stood up for me and understood me. That was the moment when I saw that we were not a real team, because in a team no-one would be left behind and no-one should be forced to wear something that they don’t feel good with. That was the moment I knew that I would never feel happy there again and some month later actually quit. And I have to say it was for the best. I had so much fun the years before but with the time that (long) first impression has changed for the worse. That’s why I can really understand Taylor when she says that we shouldn’t trust everyone’s first impression they make on us.

I think lesson seventeen is learned by everyone someday. In our teens we do stuff to our body of what we later think, “why did I do that exactly?”. I think it is part of the process of discovering and growing up. I once cut my hair and especially my bangs. I looked like … I don’t want to say what. Over the time I have learned how to treat my body well. I also use moisturizer and body lotion, although I have to treat my face differently due to acne-prone skin. I use special cream for it some days, I use peeling about three days a week, and once a week I treat myself with a face mask with activated carbon and hyaluronan to reduce my pimple scars. Remember, you have only one body. So, treat it with kindness.

In lesson eighteen Taylor addresses the importance of dealing with your childhood “scars”. She explains that our childhood scars can haunt us into our adult lives. I think it is important that someone like Taylor is opening up about not being popular as kid because we can relate to her and learn that we can rectify it. Besides being not popular as a kid, like Taylor, I have also been made fun of because of my weight. Although I have lost 20 kg already, it is still a factor that makes me feel insecure sometimes. I have learned to live with it and I want to lose some more weight to improve my health and lower the risk of getting diabetes or something else. Moreover, I think many shops have awesome clothing for girls with some more weight and we are able to dress nicely and according to our body. Everyone can dress like they want to, especially nowadays, but it is most important for me to feel comfortable, even with some more weight than the average person. I am glad that today I can say that I have found some amazing friends who don’t care about my weight and are also very protective when I’m made fun … although today I seriously ignore that because I know what I have achieved and what I am able to do. I am probably more flexible and can do more sit-ups than an average-weight person. And I am proud that I can do the splits like Taylor in the Delicate music video … although I haven’t tried it on a car yet.

Lesson nineteen is really relating. It is so important to tell your friends how you feel. And you have to be honest. A real friend should be interested in how you feel. If you can’t share this with your friends, then with whom can you (except your family of course)? It is always good to know that you have friends who care about your feelings and try to understand. Also when you have problems with someone, it is best to address them instead of only thinking about it. Communication is everything, both in a relationship and in a friendship.

Lesson twenty is something we all learn in our twenties: “the difference between lifelong friendships and situationships”. When you’re new somewhere, like a job for example, you try to find mutuals of whom you soon think as your friends. I am a person who is searching for mutuals very quickly because I hate being alone. Although you might get along with many people quickly, it doesn’t mean that you’ll be BFFs. I think a friendship can develop when you spend some time outside of your “situation” and get to know each other more closely. In that case you can learn that you’re perfect in your “situationship” but not in a friendship. I am glad that I am friends with people who I know for more than twenty years (I’m 27, by the way) and who I see at least twice a year because we don’t live that close to each other anymore. And I am glad that I have also friends who I have met later but write with consistently.

Lesson twenty-one: fashion = experimentation. I can only say: so true. When I look back at pictures from my primary-school years, I think, what did I wear? Then I’m like, I was a kid … and it was the 90s. That’s ok. Later I had a time when I loved wearing black leather bracelets with rivets, my hair couldn’t be dark enough and I had a skull and crossbones phase thanks to Pirates of the Caribbean. I think it takes some time, a long time, to find a style that we feel comfortable in and that fits us. I still like to try new things. For example, I’ve changed my hair from a dark blonde to red. And I love it. I actually feel more confident with it. By the way, Bleachella is nothing to be ashamed of, Taylor. Although I prefer your fair hair like it is now, I also loved the brightness.

In lesson number twenty-two Taylor addresses fighting fairly. In a relationship or friendship a fight should not be about who is winning. Like she says, the best thing in a fight is communication and trying to talk about it calmly. Communication should also be used to prevent a big fight. When you have a problem with something or someone, talk about it. It is so true what Taylor says at the end: “They don’t give out awards for winning the most fights in your relationship. They just give out divorce papers.”

Number twenty-three: WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE YOUR BACK, TAYLOR!

Number twenty-four: I am glad that I haven’t had to deal with illnesses like this yet. When I read this it always makes me thankful that my parents are healthy. I can only imagine how helpless you must feel. I totally get that you learn to prioritize other things and that you feel like other worries feel so much less important.

In lesson twenty-five Taylor clarifies that artists don't have to feel miserable in order to produce great art. I think that the artists’ experiences influence their art regarding the atmosphere of the song, painting or so on. When I was feeling bad and had to write an essay for college, I was not able to produce something good. I know it is not comparable to writing a song, but I think our feelings influence our productivity. However, creative writing or painting can be used as a way to come to terms with negative experiences. But the thing that is produced during that process does not have to be the artist's best work. I am so happy that you, Taylor, have left the negative experiences behind you and are doing better than you ever were.

In number twenty-six Taylor says that she likes to make countdowns for certain events. I love countdown apps too. I have a countdown for my birthday, Christmas and New Year’s Eve and for concerts. I also have a count … back for the Reputation album. Look What You Made Me Do, Taylor! It is good to know that things you’re excited about are in your future when you’re feeling down or stuck. I hope I can soon add the release of TS7 and hopefully a concert to my countdown app site on my phone.

In lesson twenty-seven Taylor explains how to deal with bullies and how to disarm them. Especially in a time of social media, where bullying anonymously is so easy, especially celebrities have to deal with any kind of “opinion” about themselves. Taylor’s handling of the hate campaign against her is awesome because she has used the word she’s been called and turned it into a symbol for her sixth studio album “Reputation”. She has exchanged the negative association with a snake (being devious) with a positive one. Now Swifties associate the symbol with the phrase, “Be like a snake - only bite if someone steps on you.” The best way to deal with bullies is either to ignore them and don’t give them what they want: attention. Or you do it like Taylor. You use the word you’ve been called for yourself and turn it into … Karyn. She has become the icon of the tour, and her shiny eyes and the way she rose behind Taylor during Look What You Made Me Do will never be forgotten. I’ve been bullied because of my weight in school myself. It hurts a lot because you don’t know how to deal with that at a young age. But as I grew older I learned that although they were bullying me I got better grades than them and graduated from high school and even got a university diploma a few weeks ago, while they left school after the 9th grade. There are so many things which are more important than what people have to say about you. Today I know that, like Taylor says, you learn how to deal with people like that and grow stronger. It’s the best revenge you could get because all they’ll ever gonna be is mean.

In number twenty-eight Taylor talks about her connection to politics. Although many people say that celebrities should just do their job and act or sing, I think it is important for people like Taylor to speak up politically and to encourage young people to educate themselves about and engage with politics as well. I still can’t understand how people with reactionary concepts can be voted to be in such high positions. I hope that here will be more celebrities who use their influence on their fans to put the right people in high positions, or at least to animate more people to use their voice and vote. Sometimes the reason why the “wrong” people win is because of those who do not vote because they think that nothing will change anyways and that one vote does not matter. But when many people think like this, there are more and more lost votes which might cause a different outcome.

Lesson twenty-nine: the hair changes its texture. I always wondered why the texture of Taylor’s hair is so much different now. The curls were so sweet and totally fitted country-Taylor. I think her hair has changed with the eras and adjusted to the “New Taylor”. Maybe the new era will also welcome her curly hair back. But we love you no matter what your hair looks like, Taylor.

Finally, lesson thirty. When Taylor has done something wrong, she has punished herself. On the one side it is good if a child recognizes when he or she has done something wrong, but on the other side it can cause a hard life when you will always question your decisions to an extent that is not good. Of course it is good to consider the outcome, but when you have actually failed and made the wrong decision punishing yourself for the decision you have made is not healthy. Like I’ve learned watching The Bold Type, living in your failure is good and important to learn from it and to build your character. You can’t change the past anyways. It is good to deal with your decision and your failure but it is also important to Shake It Off afterwards.

   @taylorswift @taylornation @elle

Halloween Horror Nights Orlando 2019 Review

By Grant Duval

Every year, and fortunately for us horror fans, earlier every year, Orlando is treated to Universal's Halloween Horror Nights.  Every year it seems to outdo itself, and this year was no exception.  This is a welcome change of pace from other Halloween celebrations in the area which seem to be the same thing every year.  Every house this year was different and exciting from previous years.  Even the one haunt that had been done last year was a complete change.  Also, this whole event was themed to the 1980's, which I absolutely love as a child of the 80's.  Unfortunately, these haunts don't allow photography, so I wasn't able to get nearly as many photos as I would have liked, but trust me, these houses are all intricately decorated and most are worth your time.

I'd like to preface this with the fact that I bought the front of line pass for an additional $80.  This allows front of the line access to all mazes, but there is a line for front of the line, and you can expect to wait at least 10 minutes with the front of the line versus the hour plus waits that were occurring.  You also get front of the line access to many rides.  There are also 2 shows.  With this pass we were able to get to one show, two rides, and all 10 mazes with only 30 minutes less.  This is a testament to how invaluable this pass is, as I would have never made my way to all the mazes had I not bought this.  I suppose the easiest way for me to do this is to go through each item one by one and give my thoughts.

Stranger Things was the most popular haunt of the night, and for good reason.  This maze went through each season and brought to life the greatest moments of the whole series.  The set design, especially in the upside-down, was top notch.  This also felt like the longest of all the mazes.  The characters were all cast well and it was great seeing them all battle the forces of darkness.  Side note, at Voodoo Donuts you can purchase a delicious Stranger Things donut before entering the park to really set the mood.  Also, there is an extremely large animatronic you must walk under to escape which is very convincing.  The scare level was a medium or so, but the set design was amazing.  9 out of 10.

Us was the next maze of the night.  I was never a fan of the movie as I felt that the trailers gave away everything.  My mom, who was my traveling companion, had never seen it.  This was one of her favorite mazes of the night.  Entering through the funhouse in the movie sets everyone up for being chased by the doppelgängers and their scissors from the Jordan Peele movie.  The lab scene with all of the rabbits was neat, and the exit which involved going through a bunch of mannequins mixed with scare actors was a great touch.  The big problem though is that you really have to be acquainted with the movie in order to fully understand what was going on.  My mom had lots of questions, and as I only saw the movie once when it came out, I didn't remember everything.  Scares are high in this one.  7 out of 10.

Universal Monsters exists almost as preparation for the highly rumored land in Universal's Epic Universe park which is being built.  Characters from classic horror movies, such as Dracula, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Frankenstein's Monster, the Wolfman, Bride of Frankenstein, and the Mummy reside here.  Strangely there was a part with Quasimodo, and that felt unnecessary as the whole point of The Hunchback of Notre Dame was not to be scared of him (actually, that was the point of Frankenstein as well).  The sets were nice, but it felt kind of disjointed as we went from one character to another with no real transition.  This maze also felt short.  Scares were medium level but the high quality of the sets made up for it.  6 out of 10.

Ghostbusters was easily the most hyped of all of the mazes.  This maze featured all of your favorite characters from the original Ghostbusters movie, and the sets were so realistic it felt like we were in the middle of it.  The haunt follows the same path as the movie, from the library to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man battle.  The character actors looked just like the original actors.  Every last detail was perfect.  The Slimer puppet that came out in a few scenes was a nice touch, as were the Zool puppets that stalked us.  Overall, I wanted to remain inside as long as possible but was disappointed that Ghostbusters 2 was ignored as I do love Viggo the Carpathian.  The scare factor is low, in fact this would be a great first haunt for those who are unsure if they would like this.  This one gets a 10 out of 10 though from scratching my nostalgia itch.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space was hands down the most fun maze.  This movie was a staple of my childhood as I used to watch it weekly.  This is another maze that moved scene by scene and took us into the alien Klown world.  All of my favorite Klowns from the movie were in there, as were the characters.  The soundtrack of the movie, which by the way is KILLER, blasts through the whole maze.  This was my absolute favorite haunt and I may return just to do this one a few more times.  The scare factor is medium, but this is more of a funny house than scary house.  10 out of 10.

House of 1000 corpses was my most hated house of the night.  I could never get into the movie series, and I understand that there are many people who absolutely love it.  The maze felt short, the set design felt the weakest, and strangely, it was in the same spot as my most hated house 2 years ago, which was the Horrors of Blumhouse maze.  Maybe the spot is cursed.  It had that awful haunted house smoke smell.  Also the characters weren't really too scary and the spots where they were coming to scare us at were obvious.  I didn't jump once.  Granted, as a person who is not a fan of the movie, I am likely not the best one to review this one.  Scare factor  was low (but the gross out factor was high).  3 out of 10 (but likely someone who was a fan will love this).

Depths of Fear is another original house.  I find that Universal does great things with original houses and this one is no exception.  The gimmick of this one is that we are on a submarine about to detonate with creatures inside and we have to find our way out.  This one has a constant loud beeping which gradually gets faster and faster adding to the tension.  This reminded me of the movie Leviathan.  The set design was purposefully claustrophobic and the fear level was intense.  The only problem was that the creatures themselves weren't too scary.  The scare factor would be a medium.  7 out of 10 for great set design, but way too short.

Graveyard Games wins the award for most boring idea.  Teens enter a graveyard and vandalize it causing the spirits and zombies to rise to wreak havoc upon the vandals.  There was a social media aspect as the teenagers have been sending videos of this to their friends.  The sets were amazing which made up for the pretty played out idea of zombies.  The scares were good and the effects were good, which elevated this maze beyond what I thought would be the worst maze of the night.  This maze is intense and is a joy to walk around.  The biggest problem is that the maze was really short.  8 out of 10.

Nightingales Blood Pit was the most original idea.  I didn't know how a gladiator themed haunt would work, and boy does it ever.  Dismembered limbs, animatronic lions, and buckets of blood make this one of the true masterpieces of the whole event.  This felt like I was walking in an actual gladiator coliseum and couldn't get enough of it.  This is a bloody good time and the scare factor is huge.  10 out of 10.

Yeti: Terror of the Yukon, is by far the best themed and scariest house of the entire event.  You enter through a snowstorm and enter a very realistic cabin.  You wind your way in and out of it and the temperature is kept at a very cold level to really sell the idea.  The yeti itself is absolutely terrifying.  My mom claims to have never screamed so much in her life.  Exiting the cabin you enter a forest and it felt like I was walking through the ET adventure queue.  The scares come from above as well which really intensified the whole experience.  Hands down my mom's favorite as well as my second favorite maze (but likely my favorite if I removed my nostalgia).  Yeti is long, intense, and takes no prisoners.  Scare level extremely high, set design extremely high.  10 out of 10.

Completing the mazes I need to talk about the scare zones.  The scare zones were the weakest aspect of the whole event and they felt shorter than prior years.  The Vikings Undead area had some cool costuming and viking tools.  The only problem was that it was too foggy to really see anything.  Zombieland Double Tap didn't connect with me at all.  I loved the first movie, but the scares were not there and it seemed like they went a little light on the theming.  Rob Zombie's Hellbilly deluxe is one of the two strongest scare zones, but definitely not the one to take kids to, as there are several dancing girls in underwear high above everyone dancing with fire.  This is also a very loud area as Rob's music is blasting.  The scare actors were also some of the best in park.  The Anarch-ade, themed to 1980's arcades, was the weakest of all scare zones.  The arcade machines themselves were nicely done, but the area was so small that it was hard to get a feel for it.  This is also the scare zone you first enter into, which sets everyone up for the 80's theme.  The best one though was the Vanity Ball area, which also happened to be the longest of all the scare zones.  This area was themed to fashion shows with a ghoulish twist.  The scare actors were incredibly disturbing looking, and the fashion show was fun to watch.  I could have spent an hour here.

I sadly didn't have time to see the Academy of Villains: Altered States Show, which is dance and fire based from what I understand.  What I did see was the Marathon of Mayhem show, which is a water projection show with projection mapping on the buildings behind it.  This is much better than their normal night show, and hearing all of the songs such as Killer Klowns and Ghostbuster blasted loudly was incredible.  I cannot explain how amazing this show is.  The fountains shoot very high, the lasers are neat, and the scenes on multiple screens gave us so much to look at I'm sure I missed a lot.  This show is one of the must dos.  10 out of 10.

Overall, the 2019 edition of Halloween Horror Nights is a marvel.  I loved it so much I intend on returning!  From scary houses, rides with shorter lines, fun drinks, and a killer fountain show, this is truly the best version I've been to.  

Creepy factor- 10 out of 10.  Come on, did you really think Halloween HORROR Nights would get a lower score than that?

TL;DR - i finally got an MRI for my ear, which has been fucked up and constantly clogged since september and developed tinnitus in february, and apparently, supposedly, there is nothing wrong with it. so there’s nothing to do about it. so just like with my eye and my skin and my lung and my etc, i have a problem that i can’t do anything about, that i can’t even get the satisfaction of a diagnosis for, and i’m so pissed off about how much time and energy i’ve spent trying to improve things for myself when there was absolutely no point in doing so, that i just want to set my body on fire to really show it what i think of it.

i’m so, so mad. the last couple of months have been almost nothing but wall to wall doctor’s appointments, and with zero exception, they have all been a complete waste of time. it hurts because my body tortures me, of course, but it hurts worse than that because i convinced myself that i HAD to do this, that it was Mature to face my fear of doctors and generally the Right Thing to Do, when i absolutely didn’t want to do any of this at all.

i suffer a lot from an internalized impression of myself as being lazy, defeatist, and dramatic. it comes from a lot of places. i grew up in an environment where i was the only open depression sufferer, under one parent who definitely considered depression to be an antisocial behavioral problem, to be treated like any other shallow cry for attention. i also grew up in an environment full of obvious talents, all of whom would go on to be published, or even public figures, and not to be a complete asshole, but the idea that “you can do anything you put your mind to” is kept alive by people who have the baseline talent necessary to succeed at things they put their minds to. if you subscribe to the idea that success requires nothing other than commitment, then the implication is that all failure is a matter of laziness, petulance, and defeatism--never lack, never inferiority, never ordinariness. on top of all this, my personal interests--horror, sexually graphic media, comics, underground music movements, the usual roundup of morbid or antisocial cultural items--were considered pretty much...well, not very adult. so what i’m coming to is that if i can’t prove my adulthood in any way that has to do with who i am or what i’m capable of, then the very least i can do is Be Responsible. (and of course i get made fun of all the time for being an uptight rule follower but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, LITERALLY WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO)

one of the main ways you can Be Responsible, if you have the means that is, is to look after your health. the world is full of icky, boring, degrading, depersonalizing, and occasionally painful tasks that are necessary to keep the societal cogs turning. if you can’t make art or have ideas or be beautiful or become an athlete or whatever, you can still show that you’re alive and generally hygienic by going to the dmv, voting, showing up for jury selection, or going to the doctor. you can still grasp the final shred of integrity offered to you by doing things no one wants to do, but that we know are necessary for the vitality of self and society. so i’m extra good at doing stuff that people my age frequently shirk--the dentist appointments, the doing your taxes the second the forms come in, etc--because they’re sort of the only things i can do that prove that i’m not, you know, a complete piece of shit.

so this year, at the start of february, i decided i was going to get a real handle on my health. i’d been going to doctors for various things already, of course, even though it was pretty much never satisfying; the only thing i can think of that ever got fixed or explained was the pathological growth of scar tissue over my eyeballs, which required some pretty fucked up surgery. but at this time, i had a lot of problems building up. my left eye developed a small spot, and a constant glare that borders on having double vision. my right ear remained completely stuffed up since i had a cold last fall, and began to ring constantly at the end of the winter. my right lung has felt alarmingly tight and weak for...years actually. the right side of my face is constantly beet red, like i go fresh with somebody’s wife, and i can see how it’s thickening and bending my flesh all out of shape, which rosacea will do progressively and incurably throughout your entire life. i decided that instead of quaking in fear of doctors, and also in fear of wasted time, i was going to straighten my back and go nip this shit in the bud. after all, when you’re miserable but not doing anything about it, people kind of hate you, and then you have THAT problem on top of all your real problems. sometimes you gotta give the people what they want.

so how did it all go?

my skin: since no insurance company considers rosacea a medical problem, which is actually complete fucking bullshit, i decided to take matters into my own hands. i researched what rich people do for their uninsurable problem, and decided to use my recent (traumatic) inheritance to take care of myself. i tried three different preposterously expensive topical treatments that i was told are a “magic bullet” for rosacea, and all of them made my face blow up like a fucking macy’s day balloon. then, after four rounds of extremely expensive, painful and scary laser treatments, i had absolutely no results other than that my face was actually MORE reactive for about a month after the last one. i’m fucked.

my eye: according to my optometrist and ophthalmologist and corneal specialist it’s “just” regular scar tissue from my terrifying surgeries, not the pathological scar tissue that i had to have removed via terrifying surgery and localized chemotherapy. this kind of sucks because it means i can’t just get it removed again, but at least there is a slight chance that my body will reabsorb it like regular scar tissue. (oh yeah? and what’s my luck USUALLY like?) my only “treatment option” is to use eyedrops four times a day, which is actually extremely uncomfortable, and which pretty much means i’m just not allowed to wear makeup ever again.

my lung: after two rounds of clear x-rays and a breathing test that only detected slight asthma, through two GPs and a pulmonologist, nobody has anything to say about why i have this chronic breathing problem. there’s some indication that it might be a “muscular-skeletal problem” that’s putting pressure on the one lung, so i guess i need to add a physical therapist or something to my endless list of specialists.

my ear: two or three trips to urgent care (i forget how many now), two GPs, an ENT, a fucking weird hearing test, and an MRI have done absolutely nothing for me. after a cold with a sinus/ear infection last fall, my right ear remained permanently slammed shut; if i pop it, it closes back up in seconds. i do not have the same problem with the other ear, it is clearly a physical problem. in february, my ear began to ring agonizingly and has not stopped for a second. in all this time, i went through round after round of antibiotics, antihistamines, anti-inflammatories, steroids, etc. nothing works. no one can see any type of problem. apparently i have the option of electing to have a tube surgically inserted into my ear, although i can’t quite figure out what the risk factor is, both for my tinnitus, and for my hearing in general. 

and OF COURSE, depression: part of the stigma against depression is that it’s a choice, somehow. like fresh air and exercise and looking on the bright side are so effective that if you’re depressed, it must be because you LIKE IT THAT WAY, because otherwise you would use these simple and free cures for your so-called illness and it would be all over, right? anyway i kind of hate being depressed, and i’ve been working my fucking ass off trying to deal with it. i see a nutritional therapist (a licensed psychiatrist) who prescribed me a number of nutritional supplements that i do think help, but they are unthinkably hard on my stomach. i tried lexapro, and it made me feel so abnormal, and cut into my general quality of life so badly, that i didn’t keep it up. i tried a generic version of wellbutrin, and it made me violently sick to my stomach, and caused my ringing ear to ring deafeningly for days after a single dose. the brand name version wasn’t much better. then i tried lamictal, and felt totally great AND NORMAL for like a week, and then i got the rare and potentially deadly lamictal rash. sometimes this just indicates a basic allergy, and sometimes it indicates Stevens-Johnson Syndrome which causes something called TOXIC EPIDERMAL NECROLYSIS WHICH REQUIRES LONG TERM HOSPITALIZATION TO GROW YOUR SKIN BACK. i had to deal with this on the day of mandatory final exam presentations in a class where i was already struggling, and this was one of the darkest days i can recently remember. after this, my psychiatrist tried to prescribe me abilify, but after i started to hear about the side effects and personal testimony of certain friends, i decided i couldn’t handle it. very possibly, i just cannot be medicated for depression, unless i’m willing to sacrifice everything else around the depression too. 

...this is all pretty much a retread of an experience i had for a few years, a few years ago, where i was having these abnormal paps, so they constantly had to drill painful core samples out of my cervix to keep checking up on the NOTHING that was going on in there, until one day they were just like...uh your tests are coming back fine now, and we don’t know why they didn’t before, and it just doesn’t matter, you don’t have to do this anymore PLUS you could have just been sitting on your couch jerking off this entire time and it would have done exactly as much good as this cycle of being humiliated and tortured by doctors in a while that leaves you curled up in a ball sobbing every time. i’m still pretty pissed off about it, if you can’t tell.

so like i don’t know why the fuck i’m doing all this. i don’t know why i do anything. nothing fucking comes from even my most herculean effort except a relentless sense of mystery that is starting to border on satire. i don’t know why i have so many problems. i’m 38 years old and i’m in ok shape. i don’t have generalized immune issues or anything. my doctor said i have some of the best lab work she’s ever seen. why the fuck does all this shit happen to me. i’m trying so fucking hard to enjoy my life. it’s hard to be in mental and physical pain all the time, the latter for absolutely no coherent reason. i mean i’d rather have a bunch of random problems than like, lupus or MS or something, for sure, but everything that happens to me is so meaningless and arbitrary, i’m starting to get that feeling like god hates me. it’s also hard to have the constant feeling that so many people think that failure to enjoy life is exclusively a matter of “not trying hard enough”, being a pill, looking for attention. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m real pissed. i think what i need is a change of philosophy, which will be a long hard road. at least i know it’s the one and only area where i, and only i, have some level of control. wish me luck.

I'm not sure if requests are open, the description says they are but it could be a mistake. If they are could I request Starish reactions with a scaredy cat s/o. It's the season of spookiness and I'm not taking it well.

Otoya

Being a bit of a scaredy cat himself, Otoya understands how his s/o feels during Halloween especially.

He tries to be brave for them, and he’ll always assure them that none of the pranks are real, and that although the decorations look real, they’re just pretend, and that it’s all in good fun and in a few days everything will be back to normal.

When his s/o clings to him when something especially spooky crosses their path, he feels a tiny bit of pride that he’s the one they go to when they’re scared. Of course, it gets to Otoya too, and he returns the bear hug right away.

When everyone else wants to watch a scary movie, Otoya arranges his own movie date with his s/o to keep their mind off things. They have a cuddly movie date with comedies, and they just laugh when they hear their friends screaming in the videos that somehow made their way on social media.

Masato

Masato vows to keep any and all scary things out of his s/o’s sight. If the decorations in the dorms get out of hand, he’ll sneakily tear down the more gruesome ones. If something is hidden away, waiting to be found, he’ll disarm the trap before his s/o can even get close.

He doesn’t want to ruin everyone’s fun, though, so he’ll hold his s/o’s hand whenever they need him to, and he’ll lead them to the less scary decorations so they can have a bit of holiday fun too. There’s plenty of shops to admire that utilize the colors of fall instead, and they’re just as fun to check out.

They’ll do a lot of Halloween activities that are completely innocent, like carving pumpkins and thinking of a cute couple costume, that Masato will make for them, of course. Masato will also bake Halloween treats with them and hand them out to everyone early on Halloween.

If something really scares them, Masato will hold them close and whisper they’ll be alright in their ear, and he won’t let anything happen to them. They’ll be safe as long as they’re in his arms, and that’s just the thing that his s/o wants to hear.

Natsuki

Even though his initial reaction to his s/o’s scared reactions is that they’re just the cutest things he’s ever seen, he’ll quickly change his mindset and promise he’ll bring a smile back to their face, since that’s when they’re actually the cutest.

Natsuki knows all the shops in town that have cute Halloween decorations, the ones with the cutest stuffed animals, and the ones with the best tasting Halloween-themed desserts. His s/o would be so overloaded with all the cute parts of Halloween they’ll forget there’s anything scary out there in the first place.

He’ll buy them a cute costume to wear on the actual holiday, and he’ll stay in with them and give candy to all the Trick-or-Treaters. Kids are too adorable to be really scary, so they’ll have a great time watching all the costumes pass by. Everyone is so creative this year, Natsuki is already planning the next costumes for them to wear next time.

Natsuki is a pretty big guy, so he promises that he’ll be his s/o’s personal bodyguard any time they feel like they need some extra protection during the spooky season. He’ll pick them up and carry them in his arms, claiming that he’s too tall for any vampires or werewolves to get him. Ghosts might be a bit trickier to take care of, but he says he’ll ask them nicely to leave his s/o alone. He’s got them covered no matter what kind of monster may appear.

Tokiya

Tokiya, being the logical guy he is, really doesn’t understand what is so terrifying about Halloween, but he makes an effort to see things from his s/o’s point of view. Fake blood was more cheesy than anything, and although special effects in movies were getting better, they were still pretty easy to spot, but he supposed that too much of this stuff could wear away at someone.

His s/o gets a little more clingy, and he takes it in stride. He’ll talk about the origins of certain monsters and movie characters, and somehow hearing these things explained in the most matter-of-fact way possible really detracts from the scare factor. Tokiya rattling on about the figures in the horror genre is actually pretty soothing, and they’ll end up falling asleep more often than not to the sound of his voice on those nights they were too scared to sleep.

Also: “I was a big wolf in one of my stage plays, and I wasn’t so scary then, was I?”

Tokiya isn’t the biggest fans of Halloween parties to begin with, so he has no problem staying inside when the rest of Starish goes out to scare themselves silly. But in the off chance they do want to go out, he’ll stay by their side and talk with them most of the night. If anyone tries to pull pranks on them, he’ll quickly shut them down and give them a look that will guarantee they won’t try it again.

There’s plenty of stuff to focus on that isn’t scary that can improve their view on Halloween. He’ll tell them to focus on black kittens, jack-o-lanterns, candy, hiding under a blanket with hot cider… which he suggests they do, because that’s one of the best parts of fall.

Ren

Ren loved that his s/o was a little scaredy cat. The fact that they were practically always hanging from him was absolutely amazing, and he loved that he was who they turned to when their fears were acting up. And of course, he always told them that they can latch on as long as they needed to. He’ll hug them and give them kisses and picks them up and smother them with affection to distract them from any terrors.

Ego boost aside, he’s genuinely very attentive to his s/o when they’re upset. He knows when to remove them from a situation that’s a bit too much for them, and he’ll stick with them as long as he needs to in order to calm them down. Sometimes he’ll take them on a drive just to get them to focus on something else.

Ren’s favorite part of Halloween by far is the costumes, so he sees this as a great way to bring a little positivity to the night. He’ll tease that they could always dress up as a ‘sexy’ version of something, or they could always go the route of dressing up as elegant vampires that would surely gain the attention of everyone that saw them. How could they be scared when they’re too busy stealing the show?

In the true spirit of things, Ren thinks of a cute nickname for his s/o just for Halloween. Perhaps they’re his black kitten, or they could be his little devil… the possibilities are endless, and his s/o is too busy shooting down all of his advances to be scared of Halloween.

Syo

Syo, of course, will be the absolute bravest person on the planet for his s/o’s sake. Nothing can get past him. No one jumping from behind a corner, no hyper-realistic spiders hanging from the ceiling, no jump scares on websites… Well, that last one was a little trickier, but he was good at looking over his s/o’s shoulder and making sure they don’t follow any weird links.

He sees Halloween as a good time to try to get over their fears. He believes in them, and he knows that if they put their mind to it, they’ll be able to take anything head on. He’ll ease them into scary situations on their own terms; they’ll start with something small like plastic bugs and rats and gradually move on to scary movies and things like that. Of course, if anything gets to be too much, he’ll calm their nerves and tell them he’s proud of them for trying.

If his s/o is embarrassed about being scared, he’ll take the fall for them and claim that whatever going on is too scary for him, and he’ll insist that they should knock it off because it’s getting to him. Then when no one’s looking, he’ll wink at his s/o and give them a knowing smile.

Syo has the perfect alternative for scary moving nights: Prince of Fighting! Sure they’ve watched them a million times, but they’re not scary at all now since all the suspenseful scenes are easy to predict at this point.

Cecil

Since Cecil isn’t used to any Halloween traditions yet, he’s more confused than scared of anything. He’ll ask his s/o to explain their reactions and what’s so scary about stuff, and they’ll usually refuse and just tell him to ask someone else. But he’s pretty persistent, and through explaining things to him, his s/o starts to realize that all these things they thought were terrifying aren’t so bad.

Cecil reminds his s/o that he spent a good chunk of time as a black cat, so he can personally guarantee that there’s nothing scary about felines. He thinks that all of the Halloween creatures are just misunderstood, and he’ll talk to his s/o about that and those conversations also help ease their fears.

He also asks if there’s any Halloween songs that he should know about. Once his s/o fills him in, he’ll insist that they sing together. It’s hard to be scared when you’re having a blast singing a duet with Cecil, and he’ll definitely start up random singalongs as often as he can.

Cecil is always wanting to learn, and as a result of that, his s/o ends up learning things too. Knowledge helps get rid of the fear of the unknown, and it’s a subtle way Cecil helps his s/o get over the Halloween jitters. By the end of the season, Cecil sits back and smiles as they take in all Halloween has to offer. It took a little bit of work, but he knew it was just the thing his loved one needed.

Also, since Halloween is his birthday, a lot of the focus is taken from spooks and instead directed at birthday prep and festivities. His s/o never had a lot to look forward to during this season, but now that Cecil was around to dote on, they had a brand new outlook on the holiday.

I hope your Halloween isn’t too scary, and I hope you can have a fun day despite all the scares! 

What do you think a Metroid Horror game would be like?

Sorry it took me a while to answer! Now I'm not an expert at game design and I have pretty much no experience in pure horror games, but I can throw out some general ideas that someone with more experience could probably refine or refute.

Metroid already has spooky and unsettling elements, to make a horror game I suppose you would have to over-exaggerate those aspects- claustrophobia, underground darkness, monsters thirty times your size- and downplay one of the biggest factors that makes the Metroid games as they are less horrific: Samus Aran's sheer awesomeness.

You know what might be a good concept for a horror game? The Federation Trooper game idea that was floating around for years before Federation Force kinda killed everyone's dreams. Because in that scenario you could play into the Metroid lore without having Samus Aran, vaniquisher of all evil monsters, actually on scene. I think that might be a good first step in making the game scarier for the player. As a protagonist, you really are vulnerable then.

One of the big reasons why Fusion is so scary is because the SA-X IS the most powerful Samus on the scene, because Samus is the embodiment of all that is strong and durable in the universe and that carries over to the SA-X when the real Samus is at her weakest. Even then, she regains enough strength to combat it, but until the end it remains scary because Adam never tells you "okay, you're 100% ready to kill this thing." You feel like you're at a permanent disadvantage, even if you are technically strong enough to beat it by the end.

Strip away the armour. Strip away the beams. Perhaps keep to traditional Metroidvania aspects- like the ability to get bigger, better items and build up to reaching new places and new items, but make sure that even in late stages, the environment is dangerous and scary to traverse. Don't ever hit that point that Samus does, where she's got the best suit and plasma beam and is suddenly superpowered. It's an awesome point, but for this hypothetical game, you don't necessarily ever want to reach that, or else the fear is diminished (something that could carry over with the player even if they restart. Like Guardians in Breath of the Wild, they're TERRIFYING but once you get strong enough to shrug them off you'll be prancing through Hyrule Field without a care in the world.)

As compromise, maybe actually cut down on the number of creatures, or make the common creatures easy to kill by the endgame. But make sure there's plenty enough creatures and other environmental features that are tough and dangerous, and require you to carefully navigate around if you want to avoid or destroy them. I say creatures, maybe have non-living environmental elements too, like flooding caves or rising and falling acid pits which will kill you if you don't time your movement through the cave right. Maybe you get some kind of armour that lets you move through acid safely, only to find that there are monsters hiding INSIDE the acid, and they aren't easy to see or kill down there.

Have cool environments like Metroid Prime, but emphasise places with unsettling undertones- sorta like Phazon Mines. Dark and bioluminescent is a cool way to go to create that vibe, but have some variety for the sake of not being generic and boring (or too dark- there's a fine line between atmospheric darkness and "I can't see what the fuck I'm doing and I'm not having fun". A lot of movies are guilty of sitting on the wrong side of this line.)

And have some safe, beautiful spots. The occasional visual spectacle to lull the player into a false sense of security, or give them a genuine safe room to recover after particularly intense parts of the game. Want to make things scarier? Start destroying these safe spots as you progress towards the endgame. The safe tunnel between areas A and B with the cute worms is now deadly because those worms grew up and turned into death bees. You come back to a save station after getting a nearby item upgrade, only to find it smashed up by some unknown entity you've unleashed (drawing both of these ideas heavily from Fusion, with the likes of the Kihunters, the Nightmare, and B.O.X.)

Metroids themselves would make for unsettling enemies, with their mobility and the speed at which they can drain you- sometimes faster than your brain can process what's happening in order to remove them. More dangerous still if you're not Samus Aran and you have poor armour and hardly any energy tanks. Perhaps late stage Metroids could virtually insta-kill players who haven't collected energy tanks, making them incredibly dangerous. Have visual and audio clues to their presence- like that Metroid gunk in the background of Metroid battle rooms in Samus Returns, down a corridor you know you can't avoid forever. Or Metroid chirps echoing along a very, very dark tunnel, and you aren't sure where they're coming from, but you know they're coming.

Pirates could also make for good opponents, because of their intelligence and cooperation- perhaps have them interact around you, have a sense that your motions are under surveillance if you aren't extremely careful, and that Pirates will tactically approach your presence. It adds a layer of tension if you feel like you're up against an intelligent force that will hinder your efforts and just shoot you dead on sight if you aren't in top form, either able to sneak around them efficiently or REALLY quick and good at shooting back.

Don't over-use blood and gore. Avoid it altogether if you can. Gore is just... gorey. Instead, use dust. Some of the most haunting scenes in the Metroid franchise use dried-out, drained husks. Make them your horror pieces instead of rotting corpses. You get dust in front of your visor, you look up, and there's the dried, grey shape of your former colleague. The legs are in the process of breaking away with the slight breeze passing through the tunnel, causing them to fall in front of your visor gradually. You wonder how a Metroid managed to attach them to the ceiling- just what ARE these things metamorphosing into?

I'm not sure if I can come up with much more than this right now, but those are just a few ideas. Like I said, I'm not familiar with the horror genre for the most part.

Hurt

Cycle 6, Day 8 So, I joined a writing class/support group at the hospital, because I need more of an outlet. Anyway, I may (or may not) share or complete assorted works/ideas/what-have you on this medium; the warning being that, while I try to maintain some level of accuracy in the other posts, I shall hold myself to no standards in these; but I’ll try to let everyone know which belongs to which (I will also, as in today’s case, occasionally combine/blend two themes).

There’s an intriguing perception in the West that pain is somehow beautiful or purifying. I’m not sure if this is because that removes the impetus to help, or if it’s a defense mechanism against empathy to what is, by all accounts, a really shitty situation. One of the few unironically entertaining facts of my life is that people still occasionally ask me, after three neurosurgeries, if they (the surgeries) hurt. “Not half as much as that question,” I’d like to say. The fact that I don’t is probably the best proof, apart from a scan, that the glioma hasn’t completely chewed through my brain. I usually bite my lip and remind myself that most people have never known that sort of physical pain, and they’re just curious. Johnny Cash built a career on that disparity. And I’m not going to lie - even if you’re almost-completely symptom-free when you go into cancer treatment (as I was), you won’t be by the time you get out. And it will be pain beyond imagination or description, depending on you and your treatment (again, Dad’s in treatment for bladder cancer; his treatments sound amazingly horrible), but it might not be unbearable (again, I’m only really aware of how physically uncomfortable I feel in my off-weeks when get to recover a little; so you’d be amazed at how well you can function even feeling utterly horrible). My personal favorite unhealthy coping mechanism involves bourbon and sit-com reruns. Obviously, that’s not a good choice if you’re about to enter a multi-year chemo regimen (hopefully), however, the good news about being quasi-medically literate (enough to know the list of potential side-effects are long and scary) is that you lose a great deal of that urge. The irony is not lost on me that I’m now on way more, and more terrifying substances, than one of my writing heroes, Hunter S. Thompson. Which kind of led me to my new, weird, healthy/unhealthy coping mechanism; which is to simply complain and alert my physicians when I’m miserable (well, not all the time on an infusion day, because I’ve griped a lot about that to them, and that would also mean removing my lips from my aspirin salt-lick. But (and I’ve covered this elsewhere), and badger them for any suggestions or prescriptions that come to mind. In total honesty, I follow everyone’s orders/recommendations as well as I can, which is helpful. And this alleviates - or helps - quite a lot of my pain-related issues. I’d point out that all my physicians prescribe to make me functional, not painless; but I’ve come to realize how damaging that stigmata that romanticizes pain is. It is impossible to be human and live a pain-free existence; that’s an unhealthy, puritanical concept pushed by people who probably have a vested interest in keeping us cripples from feeling too good and upsetting the natural order. BTW, my initial inspiration for this approach was the realization that, if I wanted a natural life, I’d be dead in less than five years. And once you opt out of that one, you start realizing how many artificial limitations you accept elsewhere. Although it may not always be possible for cancer patients to operate at peak performance, there’s also not a whole lot of reason for us to sit around, and slowly die. I mean, you can do that, if you’re a fan of that, but you’d be amazed at how just how functional you can be if you just ask the medical-industrial complex And, in those more-frequent than you’d imagine moments when you feel healthy (or functional), when you’re still technically ill, you can feel well enough and functional enough to get down to the proper method of misery-induction; diet and exercise. Again, it’s not going to cure my disease, and it does little for my near-constant existential panic (again, low-dose klonopin and second generation SSRIs are helpful, along with the anti-seizure meds, zofran, and aspirin)(once you realize that your very existence is pharmaceutically-dependent - the life-span-determining factor of GBM patients is how long the cancer remains sensitive to chemotherapy - you lose a lot of your chemical inhibitions), but I’m not worried about that. I’m just worried about this tumor. This cycle. This MRI. Again, it sucks to have my world kind of curtailed like that, but I can worry about the rest of it later. After the next MRI, for example.

Resident Evil vs. Silent Hill: Which Franchise is Scarier?

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

The release of Resident Evil Village and the always persistent rumors of a Silent Hill revival seem to have these two famous franchises on the minds of more horror fans than ever. Then again, these two franchises tend to live rent free in the minds of most gamers most of the time due to the simple fact that they feature some of the greatest scares in video game history.

“Scare” is the key word here. Maybe you have an opinion on which games are better, more memorable, or more fun, but at the end of the day, which franchise do you think is scarier: Resident Evil or Silent Hill?

Instead of trying to answer that question today, we’ll instead present an argument for each franchise’s status as the scariest and leave the honor of settling this debate up to you.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Resident Evil vs. Silent Hill: Why Resident Evil is Scarier

The thing that impresses me most about the Resident Evil series after all this time isn’t just how scary it has consistently been but how the series has evolved to scare us in different ways over the last 25 years.

The original Resident Evil game used a combination of limited resources, cumbersome controls, and limited defensive options to make the player feel helpless. While some say that those early RE titles were only as scary as they were because they were more “difficult,” that’s kind of an odd sentiment considering that Resident Evil was trying to prove that horror games could be as scary as films while trying to also make the most of a particularly rough era for 3D game design. That fact that Resident Evil was even that playable has to be considered a minor technological miracle.

Besides, can you honestly say you can play through Resident Evil or its remake and not still feel a little scared? There’s something about the first game’s blend of intimate, almost claustrophobic design and expertly timed scares that has aged shockingly well. We may now know that a dog is going to jump through that hallway window, but it’s almost impossible to not feel your body tense up in the moments leading up to even the game’s most iconic frights.

As their respective remakes showed, Resident Evil 2 and 3 were such well designed pieces of horror that their basic ideas and best moments still managed to terrify players even when you remove their more restrictive design elements. Granted, it didn’t hurt that both games successfully utilized the classic “a giant monster is chasing you, run away as fast as you can right now” concept, but as those still clamoring for a Resident Evil – Code: Veronica remake will probably tell you, these classic Resident Evil games balanced quick “jump” scares and lingering dread in such innovative and unique ways that it’s almost hard to expect modern developers to replicate their magic.

Some will argue that the Resident Evil series sacrificed scares for action with Resident Evil 4-6, but that too feels like a bit of an extreme take on the matter. While I’d also argue that those three games suffer from some diminishing returns in terms of their scares (especially compared to the original RE games), they represent a time when Capcom clearly experimented with how they could make the scariest action games possible. While some titles gave them a run for their money (Alan Wake and The Suffering come to mind), those Resident Evil sequels remained some of the scariest on the market at another time in gaming history when people were questioning whether or not gaming horror was even viable.

Besides, Resident Evil 7 once again showed that when the RE team just wants to scare the hell out of you, they’re arguably still the best at doing it. After titles like Amnesia and Outlast set a new bar for scary video games, Resident Evil came out swinging at the very idea that anyone would dare come after their crown. It may have borrowed from some of the other games of that era, but Resident Evil 7 managed to tie so many ideas from so many different styles of horror together so cleanly that it’s only after you stopped screaming that you probably appreciated it the scope of the soft revival’s accomplishments. Of course, those who played the game in VR are probably still screaming.

With Resident Evil Village, Capcom continues to find ways to keep the Resident Evil franchise scary even at a time when others in the industry cling to the narrative that the public doesn’t want games like scary, short, narrative-driven titles like Resident Evil Village. We’ve seen so many horror franchises lose their bite after only a couple installments, but Resident Evil has been scaring and entertaining us in shockingly equal measures for over 25 years now. At its best, it’s the source of some of gaming’s greatest scares ever.

Resident Evil vs. Silent Hill: Why Silent Hill is Scarier

When I think of Silent Hill, I think of fog. That’s not exactly a mind-blowing reveal given that fog is arguably this series’ trademark visual element, but Silent Hill‘s fog also perfectly represents the almost oppressive feeling of terror that these games surround you with.

Thanks largely to the contributions of the brilliant Silent Hill 2, this franchise is best known as one of gaming’s greatest sources of psychological horror. It’s a reputation that’s more than earned. While it’s always a little tricky to outright condemn the idea of the “jump scare” and stick by that argument, many horror fans will at least begrudgingly agree that shocking someone is often easier than scaring them in a way that truly scars them.

Yet, Silent Hill games have this way of getting under your skin and still terrifying you hours after you’ve walked away from actually playing them. Again, Silent Hill 2‘s personal Hell narrative and incredible character moments are arguably the best examples of that quality, but Silent Hill Homecoming‘s way of performing subtle psychotically tests on the player and then projecting their true fears onto the screen may just be one of the most impressive feats in horror game design history. As for Silent Hill 4: The Room…well, after 2020, most of us can probably attest to the terror of being locked away in a room because you’re terrified of what’s outside.

What Silent Hill sometimes doesn’t get credit for, though, are the more visceral elements of its horror. The Silent Hill series boasts some of the greatest monster designs in horror game history, and the games have this way of throwing them at you when you’re at your most emotionally vulnerable. Silent Hill may not be best known for its jump scares, but when the games want to go that route, they do it better than anyone.

Of course, how do you talk about Silent Hill without talking about P.T. It may have just been a demo for a Silent Hill game that never got made, but in just a couple of hours of gameplay, P.T. managed to establish itself as one of the scariest experiences ever. You could argue whether or not Silent Hills would have been able to maintain P.T.‘s adrenaline shot of terror across an entire game, but at the very least, P.T. showed that when Silent Hill games are firing on all cylinders, there is nothing quite like them.

On that note, it feels necessary to mention that the Silent Hill series has had some pretty low moments. Titles like Homecoming and Origins largely seemed to feel that this franchise’s trademark elements are enough to make any Silent Hill game scary, but those two titles proved that this is not an easy style of horror and that there are no expressways that run through Silent Hill. The series has also historically never been a best-seller despite including some of the most critically acclaimed games of all-time.

When you’re talking about what separates Silent Hill games from other horror titles in terms of scares, though, I think the word that you’re looking for is intimidation. Maybe that intimidation factor is part of the reason why these games have never really sold as well as others, but you almost have to respect how they often seem unconcerned with whether or not you’re enjoying them.

So, which franchise is scarier? Let us know what you think in the comments below.

The post Resident Evil vs. Silent Hill: Which Franchise is Scarier? appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2Spoho3