#i feel like it just encompasses all the effort and love that has so clearly been put into this storyline
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A transcript of Ren and Joe's poem - I tried to make it as accurate as possible, so any parts in brackets were said by Ren but not written on the screen. Obviously, go watch Ren's episode.
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THE KING AND THE CLOCK
By King RentheKing & Sir JoeHills-of-the-Says
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There once was a very chill baker
Whose pumpkin pies bursted with flavor
His windmill was tall
Barely tilted at all,
He was loved as a good friend and neighbor.
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His neighbors began to build shops
With no paths connecting their plots
The baker took stone
And paved roads alone
And attracted the man of the clock.
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The clock man a small crown presented
Great promise and might represented
It was tiny and gold
A green gem to behold
He insisted, the baker assented.
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There blossomed a King like a flower
Whose Tiny Crown urged him with Power
He dug a great Pit
And signed laws were writ
The Clock Man did shape him his Tower.
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A Dungeon this King then did buildeth
To pay those for Quests thus fulfilledeth
The Pillars did rise
He felt very wise
The Clock Man a Crastle did buildeth.
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Then the King and the Clock built their Court
And the Knights thusly pledged their support
The Diamonds did wane
His taxes did drain
A foul Party then ransacked his Court.
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So the King then decreed his new Laws.
For the rot he doth needed to pause
His Diamonds they stole
The Crown took his soul
Now a Kingdom amok with no Laws.
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And the King took their riches to hoard
While the Court and the Clock took up sword
His Vault was the prize
with death and surprise
Thus the King and the Clock dropped their Sword.
(His Vault was the prize
with death and surprise
Thus the King and the Clock dropped their Sword.)
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...
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First baker, then paver, then never insaner,
The king's rise and fall has been told.
Once friend and once neighbor,
Then ranting mad reigner,
With (a) tiny crown emerald and gold.
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There may yet be redemption without the attention,
Of the man with the clock at his side,
There's hope for tomorrow,
For (a) surcease of sorrow,
For a baker who makes humble pies.
(There's hope for tomorrow,
For (a) surcease of sorrow,
For a baker who makes humble pies.)
#hermitcraft#rendog#rentheking#joe hills#hermitcraft spoilers#i am obsessed with the implications of this#and as someone who has written plenty of poems myself#i feel like it just encompasses all the effort and love that has so clearly been put into this storyline
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Magic as Security in SVTFOE
But magic isn’t an allegory for capitalism in Star versus the Forces of Evil. Besides the fact that a one-to-one allegory is boring (”I’ve always been looking for the quadruple entrende, what Shakespeare could do,” as Courtney Love says, and Shakespeare scholar and literary beacon, Marilynne Robinson has said as much in interviews), it just doesn’t make sense as a direct allegory. The show’s observations about financial situations were actually pretty direct: Rich pigeon’s character and his kingdom’s quick rise in Mewni society is clearly not hiding the show’s thoughts about capital power (and it’s actually one of the more nuanced takes on capitalism, without ever endorsing it). But Star and her family are part of a feudal system, not a capitalist one. The writers have something else up there sleeves, at once more relevant to their young teen audience and more all-encompassing of a kyriarchical structure than a simple take-down of capitalism.
Instead, the whole show starts to cohere when you see magic metaphorically standing in for a sense of security. It may seem like I just made my own one-to-one allegory, but the way it’s applied in the series is anything but some pat moralistic offering. In the first season, the influx of magic serves to free Marco, “the safe kid,” from his rampant anxiety. In fact, Star and her magic early on, when read as a metaphor for security, serve to distinguish security from safety. Marco’s desire to be always prepared but never in danger is radically flipped by fiery rainbows, laser puppies, and giant monster squirrels. He has to make peace with chaos and trust (that is feel secure) in his abilities to accept the unpredictable nature of his new reality, find means to respond to the chaos (rather than avoid it), and get through to the other side of his efforts and often pain. Cartoon logic of course helps with his survival but the theme of developing the emotional security to face one’s problems stands pretty sturdy.
This idea of security evolves with the show to depict the role fear and safety play in constructing gender roles and racial hierarchies--and how the gift of emotional security can allow exploration and disruption of these prejudices. It’s infinitely queering (an aspect that the show explores in many, many ways). I want to point out here how integral security and imagination are to one another. The well of magic is a source of comfort for Star, eventually for Marco, and for many other characters who get to be close to it, in the way it explodes and rejects norms to privilege an individual’s emotional landscapes, which then find unique manifestation in their spells.
How does something so beautiful eventually go wrong, then? One place to look for an answer is the council, who manage imprisonment, travel, and time-space. The first two, have a pretty clear parallel to contemporary institutions--prison systems and immigration--that purport to provide security, and in many ways, do, for the members of their nation. Time-space might be harder to parse out, except that when we consider that Father Time is a distinct entity from time-space. Time-Space is not time itself but the concept and practice of alternative realities and multiple chances, as seen in the “Mathmagic” episode. It’s a similar philosophical belief to many afterlife concepts. All of these systems privilege the Self and provide emotional security, but do so at the cost of others’ liberties. Capital, as it is now, functions along those lines, which is why I think many made the connection between magic and capital; it’s not wrong, but it’s not broad enough--we named it a square but didn’t acknowledge that a square is also a rectangle and a quadrilateral.
When magic is destroyed in the end, the rulers of Mewni gave up security. They give up security in their own safety, the safety of their people, and assurances of happiness and life, itself. Required for this act: trust and emotional security. It’s the paradox at the heart of the show that magic is required to destroy magic. Emotional security is required to let go of emotional security. On the other side is a more dangerous and strange world but where everyone is in peril together, and doing their best to address it together, too.
There are deeply queer feminist , democratic, antiracist, and globalist implications to this conclusion that got drowned out by shippers in the fandom. And many, perhaps invested in a grassroots-led and enacted revolutionary movement, were turned off by the finale and turned on the show overall because of it. (Others have complaints about rushed pacing, which is funny to me in a show whose core humor relied on manically-paced jokes and plot lol) But more narratives of revolution, especially one’s that acknowledge anticolonial struggles, like Andor, are beginning to acknowledge the solidarity across groups and classes historically required to ignite change (and svtfoe, with it’s references to the Mexican revolution among others, which I wanna address in some later essay, certainly fits in this category). The world at the end of the series will never be the same, which is a revolutionary promise without the fantasy of utopia. It’s gonna get a little weird and a little wild, and we can figure it out together.
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Love
My little brother is an old soul, as they say. Growing up he was usually drawn to the classics in music and books. The ones that in the early 2000's, no other middle schooler was likely to flock to. I remember him playing Fallout 3 when we were roommates in our twenties, and him not only singing along to all the classic jingles from that game but usually picking mostly the Beatles when he chose the music. Now don't get me wrong, the Beatles are iconic and they are very catchy and recognizable. But he seemed to understand the words, not just hear them. Took me another 10 years to realize what I'm sure was common knowledge for him. That those who come before us, and keep it simple are usually the ones who understand the bigger picture a bit more clearly than we do.
Fast forward 10 years, and I'm having a couple friends help me prepare my house for sale. I like all music, but have a habit of replaying the same CD enjoyably without noticing that everyone else is annoyed with the same 10 songs playing. Plus the guys helping me are also not as into Blink 182 as I am. So I found a middle ground and chose the Beatles as the background music while we worked. I kind of got lost in the music. Notoriously simple melodies and lyrics that are so well known that they almost lose their meaning. But that day the words went straight to my heart and I realized that the Beatles figured out the universe (something I joked about trying to accomplish) long ago and through their music they were trying to tell everyone else too. In a jovial way of course, because that's the only way you can when you find something that is right in front of your face.
For this post though, let's focus on 'All You Need Is Love'. A timeless song that incites a sense of calm for any internal chaos. That tries to take the pressure off the thought of doing it all in life, because everything you can do has already been done. Not that you shouldn't still try, but that your efforts don't need to be considered life or death, when they should just be held as the steady pace towards your goals and aspirations. And the very simple line repeated that all you need is love is the most accurate statement in history.
Love is kind of a tricky thing to nail down. See, we all know that love is something we strive for. We all want to feel loved. Most of us I believe crave to be with someone who loves us as much as we want to love them. I think it's safe to say that most people are hunting for something that they want so badly, it's becomes lost in the simplicity of what it truly is. Love comes in such a wide array of shapes and styles and everyone is so eager to grasp it. But how often do we give it back. Yes, we buy the valentine's card out of obligation for our significant others. Yes we say that we love people and most likely mean it. But I think the importance of what love really is gets lost in the lyrics of us trying to make it commonplace.
Tangent example, I've been trying to encompass the essence of love. Trying to treat people around me with kindness and respect in my daily life. See a beggar in the street and offer them what I can. Walk past a person on the street and say something true and nice to them. Spending time with those I care about and genuinely giving them my full attention so they feel heard and appreciated, regardless of if it's returned. Sad part of this, is that most of the time, people are so lost in their own distractions of day to day life, they sometimes forget to return that love to me. But, (absolutely fit and sexy butt) that's okay. Cause one of the coolest things I've discovered since taking on my goal of getting the world to remember love, is that the more love I throw at people, whether they return it or not, the more love I feel in myself. The better of a human I feel to myself. The more I actively crave the positive brain chemicals that get released each time I show another soul love. It's a truly magical thing. Something about the pool of love that keeps the cup full no matter how much you share it. And it becomes contagious too. Trust me. You let someone Infront of you in traffic, they smile and wave, next thing you see is them letting showing mercy to the next trapped driver trying to merge. You smile at a stranger and then you'll see someone showing kindness to someone else. This could be from contagion or it could just be because when you focus your mind on looking for positivity, it'll think that's the mission and then try to spot it more to help out. Either way, it's everyday magic freely on display for anyone to enjoy.
As always, protect yourself and don't let people use the love you give out as a resource of depleting your mental energy or kind spirit. But know that it's worth the effort to show others compassion and kindness. It's okay to pick up that piece of rubbish someone else left to show mother nature you care. And it is 100% acceptable to feed the hungry birds and squirrels despite what the signs at the park say.
The Beatles figured it out early for us. And they laid it out in the most laymen terms they could for us all. All you need is love. Tell yourself that and keep telling yourself that until you fully grasp what it truly means. Then go and change the world for the better just a little at a time everyday. You got this!
Song for motivation: All You Need Is Love - The Beatles
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老Yang教员组今天为大家整理一篇优秀的paper代写范文- Historical Analysis of the Film The Great Gatsby，供大家参考学习，这篇论文讨论了电影《了不起的盖茨比》的历史分析。众所周知，有些电影是与时代紧密相关的，这些电影实际上可以看作是他们所生产的时代的写照。电影《了不起的盖茨比》围绕20世纪20年代的美国展开。那是在咆哮的二十年代，所谓的爵士时代，在那个时代，时髦的裙子和铜管爵士乐队的烟火让夜晚变成堕落的代名词。这部电影围绕着主人公盖茨比从穷到富的故事展开，似乎讲述了一段受挫的浪漫爱情。但事实上，这部电影的主题包含了一个更大更不浪漫的范围，那就是美国梦的衰落。
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Introduction
It is known to us that some films are closely related with times and these films can actually be regarded as the portrayal of the era they are produced. The relationship between films and their times are so close that most people even say that some films may not be produced if they are deprived of the times. Also, the creation of some films is for depicting the social reality to the wide public so that the vast majority of people can know clearly about the society they are living in. Therefore this paper will focus on the historical analysis of the film The Great Gatsby, which can well indicate that this film has really portrayed the American history of the decline of the American Dream.
Historical Analysis of the Film The Great Gatsby
The film The Great Gatsby, released on 30 August, 2013 in China, surrounds the novel of F. Scott Fitzgerald about America in 1920s (Baz Luhrmann. 2013). It was about the roaring twenties, the so-called Jazz Age, an era when flapper dresses and fireworks set to brass jazz bands sent nights spiraling into debauched infamy (Baz Luhrmann. 2013). Just as in the novel, the mansion of Gatsby is described in this way that “The one on my right was a colossal affair by any standard—it was a factual imitation of some Hotel de Ville in Normandy, with a tower on one side, spanking new under a thin beard of raw ivy, and a marble swimming pool and more than forty acres of lawn and garden” (Francis Scott Fitzgerald. 1925), which has well depicted Gatsby’s mansion to be a fairly splendid and sumptuous one. Also, Daisy’s reaction in the film when she is shown the gigantic mansion of Gatsby and her decision to date with Gatsby can also account for a part for the description of this flimsy era. And she says that “You must understand that I like all things that are modern” (Baz Luhrmann. 2013), which can really show the characteristics of this era.
To put it more specifically, this film surrounds its protagonist Gatsby who rises from rags to riches and it seems that this film may tell a story of the thwarted romantic love. But as a matter of fact, the main theme of this film encompasses a much larger and less romantic scope, which is the decline of the American Dream. In this film, Gatsby pursues Daisy all the time and all his efforts are for gaining the love of Daisy even if Daisy has married Tom. In order to win back Daisy’s love, Gatsby tries his best to become wealth and he holds the party every night. Gatsby’s desire to win back Daisy’s love is so fervent that winning back Daisy’s love can actually be regarded as his dream. But he was involved in the swamp of love so much that he had even sacrificed his life for his dream to win back Daisy’s love at last when Daisy hit Martle by car and killed her. In front of this accident, Daisy and Tom just left to shirk the responsibility for the occurred accident while Gatsby took the responsibility for the accident Daisy had caused. What is ridiculous is that Gatsby died for that accident, which implies that this film definitely conveys the theme of the decline of the American Dream in an effective way.
Concerning the popular perception of the ear, what is a must to say is that the spirit shown in this film of the roaring twenties can be marked by a general feeling of discontinuity associated with modernity, a break with traditions. The appearance of West Egg stands for the “new” rich while the original East Egg signalizes the old aristocracy. The representatives of the East include the characters like Daisy, Dan Cody, Jordan, Meyer, Tom, Wolfsheim and what these characters symbolize is carelessness, corruption, emptiness, and shallowness. In opposite to the East, the Midwest is the representation of conservatism, morality and practicality. People in this era all have the common American Dream and they all believe that they can pursue money and wealth through personal efforts. Besides, they can do anything in order to reach their dream, which can be used to account for why Gatsby will become wealthy by making money in an illegal way. There is no doubt that many people at that time also make money in an illegal way as Gatsby.
From the perspective of Ronald Berman, the death of Gatsby in the film perfectly suggests that the American Dream was destined to dash (Ronald Berman. 1997). American Dream was just a kind of desire, a kind of material pursuit. And most people in the early 18th century deemed that American Dream means to pursue money and wealth via endeavor and hard work. But what is a pity to say is that though Gatsby worked hard and really became rich in the end, his American Dream was not always available. It may always be the same conditions for other people in that era as well. Endeavor and hard work may not make one reach their dream. These phenomena are not only the accurate illustration of the real American society, but also the warning for the prospective society. This film aims to arouse people’s consciousness of coming down to earth but not keep pursuing their American Dream anymore because the whole process of pursing their American Dream is totally useless and meaningless. When comparing the film and what has been stated by Ronald Berman, it seems that this movie is accurate while depicting the decline of the American Dream.
Moreover, Henry Dan Piper as well mentions that the film The Great Gatsby is a highly symbolic meditation on the roaring twenties’ America as a whole, particularly the disintegrated American Dream by the vulgar pursuit of wealth in a period of unprecedented (Henry Dan Piper. 1970). According to this, a fair knowledge can be obtained that this film can absolutely be seen as a historical snapshot of life in the 1920s in America and the general picture of people’s life at that time has provided to the audience. The approval of Henry Dan Piper toward this film in accurately describing the decline of the American Dream can more or less strengthen the precision of this movie’s information and that this movie is successful in conveying its chosen subject.
Last but not the least, what is a must to mention is that history can really be a backdrop to tell a story in that the story happens in the historical background and the incidence of the story can not be in that way if it is without the historical context. Or maybe it can be put in another way that the historical background gives the writer and the director of film as for how to arrange the story and plot of the film. At the same time, events can be used in order to facilitate the telling of a story or pushing a modern message only when the chosen events are typical and exclusive to that specific era. Only in this way can the audience immediately match this film to the specific historical moment, contributing to the audience’s better understanding of the film to a certain degree.
Conclusion
To sum up, a reasonable conclusion can be drawn that the film The Great Gatsby is closely related with the era it was made and this film has really portrayed the American history of the decline of the American Dream in an effective way, which is right why F. Scott Fitzgerald can become the spokesman of The Jazz Age. The same case as well goes to other films and many other films are also associated with their concrete times and historical events. Therefore the analysis of a film should be done with the precondition to analyze the specific historical period the film was made; otherwise a film cannot be analyzed in a comprehensive way.
Works Cited
Baz Luhrmann. 2013. The Great Gatsby. A & E Television Networks.
Ronald Berman. 1997. The Great Gatsby and Fitzgerald’s world of ideas. University of Alabama Press.
Francis Scott Fitzgerald. 1925. The Great Gatsby. Scribner Book Company.
Henry Dan Piper. 1970. Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby: the novel, the critics, the background. Scibner research anthologies.
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My Hero Academia Yandere Stain Headcanons
Oh ho here we go. To be honest I’m kinda eh about how I wrote this but I bet some of you thirsty fuckers would still love getting more Stain content anyway so
Stain as a Yandere, I would say is an even more terrifying man as compared to his usual, simply because his obsession with a darling will severely cloud his judgement and perspective.
I see Stain taking interest in a kind darling, since he’s someone who is obsessed with heroism. It likely starts off really small, like an innocent helpful gesture to someone, a kind word to a downtrodden soul, a sweet angelic expression on their face when they take care or aid a person in need. Stain just so happened to be a witness to that small moment. Maybe while he was strolling along in disguise, or while stalking and hunting for targets. But what he’s doing doesn’t matter once he notices YOU.
He sees you, a pure soul among the indistinguishable masses and for that one moment he’s struck by admiration and awe. It’s not that often do you see a citizen taking initiative to help someone out. Stain usually reserves judgements strictly for heroes due to the nature of their work, and ignores citizens because they are just the bystanders. To see a citizen with such a heroic nature…well you have certainly piqued his interest.
Stain starts to look into you a bit more after that, simply to understand what you are like. This interest and curiosity starts to grow deeper into an unhealthy obsession as he takes to stalking you on his free time.
He thinks he knows you so well, when it’s actually him creating an idealised version of you, one that’s encompasses the traits of a perfect hero. Anything about you will likely be reframed into that idealised picture Stain has projected onto you, no matter what. You working as a Hero? Clearly, one of the good ones in the industry filled with fakes that’s on par with All Might. You being a villain? You still work with kind intentions despite the role you have been forced into by cruel circumstances. How noble! Just an ordinary citizen? Oh what a humble and modest person you are to not pursue the fame, simply satisfied enough to help others with your small actions. How is it that such a sweet and beautiful soul like you exists here?
At first, Stain believes that he could be content with watching and protecting you from afar, like a secret guardian. Just to make sure you are safe, and that your kind and pure nature remains untainted. Then, he develops feelings, and his mind wanders…what it be like to hold you, to talk with you, to bask in your presence, to hear your sweet voice calling his name, to make love to you and worship you…
Plus, he sees how you get on with your daily routine, and sometimes seeing the way you get treated or brushed off by the people around you enrages him. They don’t appreciate you and your efforts. They take advantage of your kind nature for their selfish wants. They hurt you and talk you down, as if you aren’t trying your best to help out. Absolutely despicable. Stain practically seethes in anger and envy over those who are lucky to even be in the same space near you, yet not cherish the sweet wonderful person you are.
That’s when Stain comes up with the plan to kidnap you. He can try to claim that he did it for you, to keep you safe from the dangers of the world out there that seems to hurt you, but it’s also partially because of his own selfish desire to have you around.
It will be sudden and quick once Stain abducts you from the safety of your home to a safer, secure and unknown location. He breaks in, uses his quirk on you and hauls you off in the dark of the night, whether or not you are awake or asleep. He is practical to an extent and acts immediately to avoid wasting any time.
Stain keeps you locked up there, doing his best to accommodate for you while you stay with him. He loves you and thinks the world of you, but he is aware you won’t feel the same way. You would be scared and distrustful since he just kidnapped you. That doesn’t matter. Stain is going to take his time to gain your trust because he genuinely cares for you, and wants you to be safe and happy with him, even though the way he goes about it is fucked up. He knows love can’t be forced, so he is willing to be patient with you for as long as he lives.
As much as Stain thinks of you highly, he’s not going to swayed much into letting you go, no matter how much you beg and cry for it. Can’t you see that the outside world is too dangerous and that he’s trying to protect you from it? Don’t you realise how people around you have been exploiting your naive and kind nature for their greedy selfish needs? He’s only acting as your saviour.
He does his best to respect your wishes and make you feel comfortable. He’s not THAT much of a prick and has a sense of decent morals. That doesn’t mean he will ever let you go. That’s the one wish he won’t ever grant you.
#yandere akaguro chizome#yandere stain#yandere hero killer stain#hero killer stain x reader#stain x reader#akaguro chizome x reader#bastard (affectionate)#i still dont know what makes me so attracted to this tmnt expy of a character#ok yes I like anti-heroes or darker characters because I want someone to balance out my sweet and happy go lucky persona#noble dark knight with upstanding morals and good intentions? check#also wants to change the word for the better? check#is stoic and detached from most people? check#takes initiative and is active in pursuing their goals? check#passionate about creating a better society? check#skdixjjdiekdkdkeijdndw im sure theres more but lets not make the tags on this post toooo lengthy ok#why am I such a stain simp
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When They See You With Another Guy ~ with The Boyz
Requested by anon
A/N- Hi, thanks for requesting! This has taken ages for me to write but I hope you enjoy! ☺️
Sangyeon
Sangyeon had been minding his own business, walking along the street, when his eyes landed on you stood talking with a guy he’d never seen before
It wasn’t that he was jealous, but he doesn’t like the fact that the wide smile on your face is because of someone other than him
He’s confused… should he go over to you or just keep walking and talk to you about it later???
But he decides it’s best to wait until he has a chance to talk to you properly. Though that doesn’t mean he’s not replaying the scene over in his head all day
You burst into laughter upon hearing Sangyeon’s question. It really does make you feel amused that he’d been so obviously concerned about it all day
“That was my friends boyfriend. We’d just so happened to bump into each other in the street and had a little catch up, that’s all.” You clear things up instantly
Sangyeon’s instantly chuckles, his hand awkwardly scratching his neck until you reach out and hold it, intwining your fingers together
Jacob
Being an incredibly rational person, it’s probably expected that seeing you with another guy wouldn’t bother Jacob much
Except, it really really does…
There’s this underlying protectiveness within him that he only has for his members and his s/o
So when he sees that you are close to another guy, its almost shocking how mad it makes him
Of course, Jacob is mature enough to manage his emotions when in public situations. But the instant you’re alone, it’s a completely different story
“Who was that guy you were talking to earlier?” Jacob controls the conversation, staring you directly in the eyes as a seriousness encompasses you both
“He’s just a friend from work, more of an acquaintance really.” You reassure, placing a gentle hand onto his arm in an attempt to calm his tense posture
“How come you didn’t introduce me then. You always introduce me…” Jacob remains firm, a jealous tinge emerging through his tone
You can tell it’s taking a lot for him to hold his emotions in this moment. Although, his anger isn’t aimed towards you, but your handsome colleague
“Truthfully.” You emit a deep breath. “He’s a huge fan of yours and when I offered to introduce you he said he was too nervous.”
Upon hearing this confession, a huge grin explodes onto Jacob’s face
He’s relieved, the soft laugh you love so much making an appearance as he pulls you into his arms and presses a loving kiss atop your head
Younghoon
Younghoon had been acting off all night, everyone had noticed it, but no one was really sure why he looked so pissed
It wasn’t until you’d managed to get him alone that you were able to fully understand, and honestly, you weren’t too impressed by his reason
“So I’m not allowed to talk to any guys.” You defensively sass, arms folded across your chest to close yourself off from your childish boyfriend
“No, I’m not saying that. I just don’t like it when guys get to friendly with you.” Younghoon grumbles moodily
“So you don’t trust me, that’s what you’re saying?” You sarcastically laugh, it’s really hard to believe he’s acting this way over such an insignificant thing
The ‘thing’ in question isn’t insignificant to Younghoon, however. Especially when you seemed so much happier hanging out with your guy friend than him
“Of course I trust you, it’s just him I don’t trust!” Younghoon completely looses his cool, throwing his arms up in frustration
Hearing his blatant jealousy leaves you at a loss for words, so you simply shake your head in disappointment, walking away from Younghoon before one of you says something you’ll regret
Hyunjae
He couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw you laughing at the guys words… was he really that funny?
Jaehyun isn’t sure, after all, he’s not a part of the conversation
His bottom lip instantly juts out into a pout as he continues to watch your interaction. I mean, what did he do for you to treat him like this?
“What’s the sulky face for?” You chuckle as soon as you approach him, unaware of how upset you’ve made him
“Your friend seems like a funny guy.” He avoids your question, taking a sip of his drink to take away the sour taste left in his mouth
You raise your brows at your boyfriends words. It’s not your fault he’s jealous, but either way, you aren’t about to stir up an argument
“I mean, I’ve met funnier…” you trail off, failing to hide the teasing smirk that twinges at the corner of your lips
“Like who?” Hyunjae’s eyes go wide at your statement, he’d clearly missed what you were insinuating
“You’re so cute.” Is all you respond with, chuckling in amusement at how he’s being so endearingly obvious with his emotions
And it seems as though it does the trick, Hyunjae finally smiling once again as you enjoy each others company
Juyeon
Juyeon doesn’t want to make something out of nothing, but when you spend the morning rushing around getting ready instead of paying attention to him, it hurts him a little
Instead of verbalising his emotions, he decides to catch your attention in another way
Purposefully strolling out of your room and into the living space of your apartment in only his pants, Juyeon stretches his arms out and rolls his head back, sighing loudly to catch your attention
“Ju, have you seen my phone?” You whiz past him without a second glance
“It’s right here, on the table.” He calls out, lounging back onto the sofa as casually as he can (except it’s in no way casual)
“Thank y-” your words cut off as soon as you take him in, mouth agape as your mind goes empty of all thoughts, well except one…
“Have a nice time today and I’ll see you for dinner.” Juyeon beams at you.
However desperately he wants to make you decide to stay with him instead of meeting your guy friend, he would never admit it out loud
“Can I have a kiss goodbye?” You timidly ask, almost as if you haven’t asked him that before
Juyeon snickers as he stands up and pulls you into him, one hand falling delicately onto your waist and the other caressing your cheek
You complain when he only leaves a simple peck on your lips, eager for more
Juyeon’s just happy to know you are no longer in a rush to leave, and that’s enough to make him feel content for the rest of the day until you come back home to him
Kevin
Kevin wouldn’t really mind seeing you hanging out with guy friends, just as long as you are open with him about it
He’s not the type to get jealous often, and even then it’s only to tease you
“You know, we haven’t spend much time together lately.” He pouts after hearing that you’re heading out to see a male friend of yours
It’s the first day in a long time that Kevin has some time off and he was really hoping you would be around to share it with him
“Don’t make me feel worse about it, I’ve had this arranged for ages…” you sigh, accepting his hand as you take a moment to come up with a compromise
“You know you could just make it clear that you’re gonna hang out with your boyfriend.” Kevin softly suggests, his tone insinuating the slight bitterness he’s been trying to cover up
“Kevin…” you whine.
His laughter only makes you roll your eyes as you realise he’s been messing with you. So you playfully shove him away when he attempts to pull you into a hug
Chanhee
Is Chanhee bothered to see you spending so much time with another guy at the company party? On the outside it’s a firm no, but inside he’s not pleased
It’s not your fault that you’d made friends with the staff, and that the closest friend was a male staff
Honestly, every part of Chanhee wants to sassily stroll over to you and your friend and make it very clear that you have a boyfriend
But he’s hesitant, it’s really taken a blow to his confidence…
“I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” You perch on the chair beside your solemn looking boyfriend. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m… just feeling a little under the weather.” Chanhee fibs. He doesn’t like lying to you, but deep down he knows he’d feel much worst making you feel bad for spending time with friends
“Do you want to go home?” You offer, a soft smile on your face to reciprocate your boyfriends when he nods, accepting your hand and intertwining your fingers together as you make your way out of the party
Changmin
You feel an arm wrap around your waist, tugging you closer into the person beside you, a light gasp escaping your lips from the unexpected presence of your boyfriend
Changmin’s eyes are fiercely trained on the guy stood opposite you, baring his gritted teeth as he boldly interrupts your conversation
“…this is my boyfriend Changmin…” you hesitate, introducing him in a feeble attempt to break the tense silence
“And who are you?” Changmin spits, impatience radiating off of him as the stranger takes a second to comprehend the simple question
“Minnie-” Changmin’s head snaps to you, your sentence falling short just from his enraged stare
“I asked him. Who. Are. You.” His tone is sharp, making it evermore clear that he needs an answer instantly.
“I’m (Y/N)’s cousin.”
“Oh.” Changmin’s shoulders slump… he feels stupid
And that’s when you take the opportunity to apologise to your cousin on Changmin’s behalf, before excusing you both
“I’m so sorry-” Changmin’s doe eyes plead at you. “I just get too ahead of myself sometimes.”
“It’s ok, you didn’t mean any harm.” You comfort, accepting the fact that Changmin is just very territorial over you
And later on, Changmin makes the effort to make amends with your cousin himself
Haknyeon
One thing that Haknyeon absolutely adores is the way you look at him as though he’s the only person you see, your eyes glimmering with complete admiration at anything and everything he does
So when he thinks that you are giving another guy a very similar look, it makes him feel a way he’s never felt before
“Yeah, I know what I saw. Don’t be stupid.” Haknyeon continues to walk away from you, his tone cold as he refuses to even spare you a glance
“But I really don’t know what I’ve done?” You chase after him, finally catching up when he has to stop to unlock the front door
“Oh come on! You were practically undressing him with your eyes!” He finally turns to you, waiting for you to come back at him with a defensive comment
Except you don’t, you just gawk at him in disbelief
“If you really believe that I’d even flirt with the idea of having eyes for anyone other than you, then why are we together?” You break the silence, your voice barely audible but leaving an echo in Haknyeon’s mind as he speechlessly watches you walk away
Sunwoo
He acts on his emotions first, rationality coming in second
So when he sees you with a guy he’d never encountered before, he feels hurt and betrayed
“I don’t get it Sunwoo, why are you so mad at me?” You frustratedly brush your hand through your hair, repeating the question for the thousandth time that evening
Sunwoo simply continues to ignore you, choosing to focus all his attention onto the tv as he grabs the remote and it flicks onto some random channel
His frown deepens when you move to block his view of the tv, pleading at him as best as you can
“Instead of annoying me why don’t you go back to that guy you were falling all over earlier.” Sunwoo finally speaks, his harsh tone and bitter words making your mouth go dry, chest tight as you feel your heart sink to your stomach. Is this really what he thinks?
“Sorry what?” You question back, finding it hard to believe you’ve heard him correctly
Seeing the pure horror on your face from his accusation makes Sunwoo feel instant regret
“That was my best friends brother, you know the one I’ve known since I was a baby?” You defensively explain
You watch as Sunwoo’s eyes widen in realisation, his face morphing through multiple emotions before it finally fixes into one of shame
“I’m so sorry (Y/N). How could I have been so stupid.” He stands from the sofa, closing the distance that had been created between you during your disagreement
He watches cautiously as his hand reaches out to take yours, letting out a breath of relief when you don’t resist as he intertwines your fingers together
“It’s ok, it’s and easy misunderstanding.” You meekly smile at him. “Just ask me next time, instead of getting all jealous about it.”
“I promise.” You chuckle as Sunwoo rolls his eyes, before pulling you into his embrace
Eric
“(Y/N), there you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Eric playfully scolds you through a wide smile, his heart filling with pride when you giggle at him
He’d wanted to seem casual in his approach to you, fully intending on making it known to your colleague that you are happily taken
“Nice to see you again Eric.” Your colleague nods, holding his hand out for Eric to shake, which Eric begrudgingly accepts
You don’t notice the forced smiles between the two, staying civil for the sake of appearances even though they both share the same distaste for one another
“You too.” Eric mumbles, turning his attention onto you, the sole reason for his endurance of being accommodating towards such an unpleasant guy (in his opinion anyway)
“We really should get going now, it’s already past when we agreed we should leave.” Eric affectionately reminds you, leaning down to press a light kiss to your forehead in the process
“You could stay with me if you don’t want to leave yet. I’ll take care of you.” Your colleague speaks up the second you let out a light “oh” in realisation of the time
This proposition, however, makes Eric tense instantly, which doesn’t go unnoticed by you.
“Actually I’m ready to go, just need to say goodbye to my boss.” You delicately place your hand on Eric’s arm as a way of comfort, before slipping away to say your goodbyes
Eric simply sends a taunting smirk towards your colleague, his look speaking a thousand words, before sauntering away
#the boyz requests#the boyz reactions#the boyz fluff#the boyz angst#the boyz x reader#the boyz imagines#the boyz oneshots#the boyz drabbles#tbz fluff#tbz angst#tbz x reader#tbz reactions#tbz drabbles#kpop fluff#kpop angst#kpop oneshots#kpop drabbles#kpop requests#kpop reactions#kpop scenarios#kpop imagines
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Dad!Harry talks to his daughter about her questioning sexuality
A/N: might make this into a blurb series? so presh. if you have any concepts around this, send them my way.
wc: 2,249
June was Harry and Y/N’s first baby, their biggest accomplishment before they were soon having another child. June was currently 13, the awkward age of Middle School, puberty, and overall questioning of identity. Y/N and Harry wanted this weird stage to be a smooth transition. They always encouraged her to express herself, with clothes, in hobbies, with their conversations. Although their first child, they both felt as though they managed to get through the difficulties of becoming a parent easily (thanks to the massive amount of parenting books, from birth to adolescence, that Harry kept buying while June was still in the womb).
Yet, there is only so much you can prepare your child for, and surely you can’t be there to guide them through every difficulty. Harry and Y/N weren’t sure if June would question her sexuality as both of them weren’t straight, they didn’t know if the process was the same for heterosexuals. But they never skirted around the topic. If anything, they encouraged watching same-sex couples in movies and such, even having many friends who had families with someone of the same gender (or a partner that was non-binary).
Harry hoped that this would be an excellent way to acclimate their children to the varying diversity of the world. Y/N grew up with racial diversity, but anything deviant from heterosexuality or cisgender was heavily frowned upon. They hoped that with their lack of omission of the varying aspects of identity their children would have the opportunity to understand themselves easier rather than constantly question their identity.
They forgot to take into account that this was simply a stage in adolescence they had to endure though, as Eric Erickson put it: a fight between identity and role confusion. And June was currently right at the center of it.
June, even as a child, was usually calm and they rarely had problems with her being fussy like they do with the twins, Mazzy and Mick (named after the artists constantly playing on their home turntable). Thus, any changes were quickly noticed in her behavior.
-------
Picking up the kids from daycare and June from school was on the top of Y/N’s list of things to do for the day. She adored seeing everyone’s faces after a day at work and seeing their warm smiles and tight hugs always brightened her mood.
Today, things seemed different.
June jumped into the front seat with a grunt, a frown, and even went as far as throwing her bag onto the floor of the car forcefully. This was generally out of character, except Y/N and Harry have noticed these bursts of anger more recently.
“What’s eating at ‘ya bug?” Y/N calmly asked, wanting to maintain a balance of emotions although knowing June was perhaps all over the place as most teenagers are.
June rubbed her hands on the top of her thighs and noticeably took a few deep breaths; a calming tactic her father taught her when she was younger to calm herself. She took a few more breaths until facing her mother to talk. “Sage didn’t want to hang out this weekend,” she finishes, the frown being found on her face once again.
“Oh, is she busy? Thought you two were having a sleepover at home?” Y/N inquired. She knew Sage and her daughter were best friends since the beginning of sixth grade, and she hoped they would maintain their friendship although she knew the ups and downs adolescents faced it might not be possible.
“She said she’s going to the mall with Rye.”
“As in the bread?” Y/N chuckled, trying to lift the mood.
June rolled her eyes, another behavior that has risen in frequency. “No mom. A boy. That she likes.” She grumbled crossing her arms and sinking further into the seat.
“Oooooh I see what’s going on here, Sage is going on a date!” She rose her voice to a pitch of puppy love, which didn’t sit well with June.
“We promised we wouldn’t date boys in Middle School. They’re all so stupid and ugly. I don’t get why she’s ditching me for him.”
Y/N was a bit surprised by this. Harry and she have talked about the day they’d have to worry about June’s infatuation with others and they were dreading it. Hearing that June didn’t have interest in it now was a relief, but of course, this whole conversation was concerning.
“I understand, not the nicest to make plans with someone when she already made some with you. But June-bug, you guys are teenagers. Of course, she’s going to take an opportunity to go on a date with a freaking boy!”
“Language momma!” Mick yelled, the three-year-olds’ well acquainted with naughty words.
“I guess. Just rude s’all.” June finished with another grumble. She wasn’t known for throwing huge fits, and her outbursts were usually this short.
Still, Y/N knew that this would be something that would affect her for the rest of the week. Her daughter is calm but incredibly sensitive, and the two parents have learned how to work through her internal struggles. She decided to ask the usual question during June’s turmoils: “wanna talk to dad about it?”
“Yes please.”
--------
Harry was finishing washing the plates as Y/N was getting the twins ready for bed. The small domestic moments like these reminded Harry of how lucky he was to have a family like his. He noticed June’s mood as soon as everyone entered the house, and once Y/N confirmed they would need to talk later, Harry was preparing himself to support his daughter through her problems. Y/N and he were definitely lucky with their firstborn being like June. Sometimes he’ll credit his efforts in teaching June meditation early, and depending on the day, Y/N agrees.
As he dries the plates to put back in their cupboards, June walks in.
“Hiya bug. C’mere give Poppa hug.”
June rolls her eyes (he’s having a hard time adjusting to these teenager habits) and walks closer to her father. Although she’s extremely close with both of her parents, there is a timeless connection she has with her father. “Not a child anymore dad. And please, do not call yourself poppa again. You’re not that old yet.” She mumbled in his chest, clearly needing the affection.
“Mom said you wanted to talk? Want her there?”
“Uhm. Maybe we could just talk in my room please.”
“Of course, let me just put these plates all back” Harry smiled, only letting go of the hug once he felt June move away. A small trick he learned from his mother after she attacked him with countless parenting trips: never let go in a hug with your child, let them determine when the hug is over. It gives them more comfort and stability in their lives and although he saw this as minimal, he understood its significance.
“I’ll help.”
----
As they walked to June’s room, they caught Y/N walking back from the twins’ room. “Hey baby, twins are done for. I’ll be in the room. “ She pecks Harry quick on the lips and turns to June to wrap her in a hug. “Love you cutie,” she winks at June as she goes to her room.
“Love you momma” June smiles, happy that she has a supportive family like this one.
“I’ll be there in a bit,” Harry smiles, his arm going back to June’s shoulders, giving it a squeeze.
Once they get to her room, both take a seat on June’s bed. Her back is on the headboard while Harry sits at the edge facing her, cross-legged. Every once in a while June would request to speak to Harry, Y/N, or both of her parents on the issues bothering her. Harry and Y/N were proud of having a daughter that felt comfortable enough to communicate with her parents, and they always were looking for new ways to enrich themselves with the issues kids have a different ages.
“Speak to me June, what’s on your mind lady?” Harry starts, initiating the push. He can tell that she’s struggling to bring her thoughts to words.
“Did you....well. How did you ... realize you didn’t like ... uhm, just girls?” She hesitantly asked, too flustered to look at her father on such a strange topic.
Oh, it’s happening, Harry thought. “Well, I was pretty young, I guess around your age, and I realized that I just wasn’t fully straight. It developed from there I guess, I talked to a few friends about it, spoke to your grandma, and eventually met a boy I really liked. It was really scary, I’m not going to lie, figuring out my feelings at that point. After that, it wasn’t a big deal and everyone in the family understood. I just knew something like gender wasn’t a big deal to me, and if I liked someone I liked them. But it’s different for everyone. Your mom can tell you how she found out she’s bi.”
June was soaking in the information her father gave her. She knew both of her parents weren’t straight, but hearing how they found it out was something entirely different. It wasn’t that she was foreign to the concept, but in personal terms, it was utterly confusing.
She finally looked to her father, giving him a small smile at the personal information he shared. They were a very open family, but something about this felt even more personal. “But, did you ever think you were faking it?”
“Not really, but you already know how pretentious your father is,” he chuckled, lighting the mood. “Your mother, as she’ll tell you, had a completely different experience. Said she struggled for years thinking she was either faking it or actually completely gay! She once told me that she just couldn’t disclose it with anyone, and that led her to a lot of contemplation. But if you’re feeling this way too, I need you to know your mother and I are here to support you in any way we can.”
“Dad,” June scrunched her eyes looking down at her crossed legs. “I think I might like girls. Or at least, I think. After Sage told me she’d ditched me I just realized I don’t like her just as a friend.”
At this moment, tears began to form in her eyes from all the confusion. Instantly Harry brought her into aa encompassing bear hug, keeping her safe in his chest. It hurt him to see her going through this dilemma, the inter-workings of adolescents were never fun.
“It’s just,” June suddenly choked on a sob, grasping her dad’s hoodie. Harry began to rub her back for support. “I like her I think. Like really like her dad. I don’t want her to date a boy, I want to date her. But she won’t like me and...I don’t know! Why did this have to happen to me!” She continued, clearly soaking his hoodie.
“Oh baby, please don’t ever think this is a bad thing. Sexuality is a spectrum, many of our friends are somewhere on it, and you already know Elizabeth and Mary are married. This is a beautiful thing to discover baby. But yes, I won’t lie to you, it’s going to be hard. There may be times you like someone who doesn’t like girls but bug, that’s simply life.”
“What if I am dad. I don’t know if I like boys at all.”
“Then you are. As simple as that. You can label how you feel or not, it’s all about what feels most comfortable to you. As you know, your mother and I will be here to support you in any way we can. If you like girls, so be it, you’re still our daughter and you know that. If you like boys, which I mean yuck,” he imitated a gagging noise, rising a laugh out of June “then okay. Both or everyone? It’s all okay bub. I do want you to think about it, It might take some time to accept it but we’re accepting you any way you are. You’re so beautiful and strong, and your sexuality doesn’t diminish that in any way.” He made sure to hug her tightly as he said this, expressing his full support.
“Dad, thank you.” June exhaled, releasing herself to wipe her tears.
“Of course, June. I’m so happy you were able to tell me this, I know it must’ve been hard.”
After a deep breath, June looked calmer after her small crisis. “I knew you guys would be okay with anything but it’s just, much harder than I expected to really like your friend who doesn’t like you.”
“It’s hard, so so hard. Ask your mum, seriously I swear she told me she also liked one of her friends at your age. Universal gay experience perhaps?” Harry pondered.
June gave a small laugh to that. “Yeah, I’ll ask. I don’t want her to think I left her out of this, it’s just that I’ve heard about your sexuality in the media more.”
“Pesky things, but I understand. It was so hard for your mom in comparison to me. Do you want me to let her know first, is it okay that I let her know you might be questioning?” He gave her daughter a sincere inquisitive look, valuing consent over everything.
“Yeah, of course. Probably talk to her tomorrow after we drop the twins off. I really appreciate it, dad.”
“No problem bug. Let’s get you tucked away.”
__________ part 2
OH MY GOD this is my first I HOPE YOU LIKE. please any feedback would be so sexy.
#harry#harry styles#harry styles prompts#harry styles one shot#harry styles one direction#harry blurb#dad!h#harry styles fluff#harry styles imagine#one direction#1d#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles angst#harry styles smut#fine line
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Okay okay okay I have something. You are so good at writing tmnt so here it goes. What about... Make up sex? ;) I imagine how there has been a huge fight with their girl. So much so that the turtles thought it would lead to breakup. But the SO returns and it ultimately leads to some angsty action. Of course you can imagine it however you want too! Make up your own reasons if need be!!
As somebody who breathes angst this is truly fun. You didn’t specify a turt lad so I hope you don’t mind me choosing and going from there. Just cause I’m intrigued ima go with my orange boi.
TW: Angst/Feels/Arguments
Rated Explicit (18+ only)
His hands hurt so much. When you ball your fists for too long the tendons tend to protest, the digging of nails into palms stings.
Mikey doesn’t like how loud his head feels right now. He sits against the wall closest to his tv, your scent is surrounding him and it only serves to make him more frustrated and gutted. The two of you have never gone past discussion into full blow arguing. He doesn’t like to fight with you, he does enough fighting on a nightly bases anyways.
But you got stubborn and he got selfish. Voices got raised, things were said and each one got hurt. He knows he can’t keep you glued to his shell forever, he’s had to learn the hard way, that there’s a life above that you inhabit and people around he’ll never truly meet. He knows every detail about your home life, knows your mother’s maiden name, how your aunt likes to get drunk at the family reunions and spill gossip. He knows your childhood home’s street name, the first guy you kissed, the first girl you kissed. Every aspect of your life you have told him in confidence, in laughter, in tears.
But Mikey is never gonna be part of it. He can’t really meet your dad and have that ‘if you break her heart I’ll break your legs’ talk. He won’t bond with your mom over their mutual love of cooking and secretly become her confidant. Knowing all these people but never truly knowing them is something he accepts.
It’s you leaving for three months back home. Three months away from him, three months where you’ll be surrounded by nostalgia you miss and love. Where your family will ask about ‘any boyfriends?’ and you’ll have to fake laugh your way through it. Three months of you being amongst people you constantly miss.
Surrounded by normalcy.
And Mikey wanted to be happy for you, he wanted to say fuck it and face time you every morning and night, watch you be happy to be in your hometown and maybe even get a virtual tour of it...
But that little dark part in his brain calls him a freak and reminds him constantly that you’ll get tired of surrounding yourself in craziness, monsters, end of the world scenarios etc. It just can’t seem to allow him to be happy for you. So the entire thing had ended in a fight, where dumb regretful things had been spat and you had marched off pissed and he had remained here equally pissed.
His brothers think he doesn’t get mad, they think he holds himself together through sheer ignorant bliss but it’s never been the case. Cause you’ve seen fire in his pretty blue eyes, you’ve seen those same very pretty blue eyes turn red with tear, you’ve seen so much of what he hides behind his laughter.
And fuck, three months of you away?!
Mikey pushes his knees up against his chest and sighs. His phone hasn’t made a noise despite his efforts to try and call you after he has calmed down. He debated going to your house and apologizing or at least going for a more calmer approach in expressing why this had left him so triggered. He wants to make sure this hasn’t pushed you both to your end, another nagging little thought that hasn’t quite shut its mouth.
Had this been the end? Had you walked out in a fury of frustration and decided this is it? Would you seize all communication and just erase the memories of him and your time together?
He’s hurting himself, he’s also getting angrier. This is stupid, he’s been stupid and immature and so are you for walking off!
It’s two hours before he decides to get up and toss his phone and try to consume his surrounding in order to relax. Mind over matter and all it’s wonderful bullshit. He doesn’t want to leave his room cause he knows the others must’ve heard.
He’s four hours deep into a shooting game when Raph pokes his head in with some food. He doesn’t look up, cause he knows Raph wants to be a good big brother and talk to him but he doesn’t want to when he’s one unfortunate mishandling away from crying. He lets him sit with him, watch him play and run a little bit of commentary that actually makes him smile just a teeny bit.
Even when Raph gets up and runs a large mitt over his head and tells him ‘broads are just emotional, she’ll come around’ he tries his best to not let his eyes betray him. Even when Raph gives the top of his head a kiss and pats his shell, he tries his best to keep it together.
It’s around 4am when he decides to look for his phone, chucked somewhere near his bed and maybe not broken. He finds it under his bed, screen a little cracked and one text message reading ‘r u awake?’ By you, it was sent twenty minutes ago and somewhere between debating calling or texting he hears the curtain in his room move.
You’re there.
Face two parts unreadable and a good topping of frustrated. Your face is bare, a mixture of sleepwear and winter clothing that clearly shows you had tried to sleep it off but couldn’t. “I just saw this... sorry” Mikey wonders if that sorry is related to the unread text or more so this mess. You look away, the energy around you can be felt. That upset way you bite the inside of your lip, how you cross your arms and run through every possible way of starting your side of things to say.
“Why are you really mad about me going back home?” You can’t meet his gaze and Mikey is thankful because he feels an oncoming headache. “I dunno man...” He sets his phone on his makeshift night table and runs his hands through his face, mask being taken off with the motion.
“That’s not an answer, you’re mad about something and I want to know” This time you do look and Mikey’s playing with the shoe string on one of the sneakers that hangs from the bunk bed. He chooses to stay quiet because if he does say something, what are the chances that you’ll understand?
“Mike, talk to me” He huffs a bitter laugh, ‘Mike’ is the he’s in trouble name. But he feels more obstinate than ever because why talk?
He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks down at his feet. “I didn’t come back in the freezing cold to actually work through this if you aren’t going to throw me a bone at least-” Your tone is a mix of exasperation and sadness. “You go back and you forget about me” Mikey cuts through.
You furrow your brows at his statement. “What?” You take a few steps but he side steps you and that somehow cuts you. “You go back home and you realize it’s better to be in a normal environment that isn’t New York, in the sewers, with me-“ He motions to all of him. “And all the crazy shit we do” He glares, not necessarily at you but more so at all of this, the current state of affairs.
Running a frustrated hand through your hair you try to settle your thoughts. “You can’t jump to a conclusion like that and you know it, I’m not skulking off back home and ghosting you! And frankly it fucking hurts you think of me like that” You reach for him because Mikey can’t be still for five seconds if his life depended on it, but he grabs your hands and refuses to let you lull him with your touch. “It’s not a conclusion it’s a friggin possibility! Do you see us actually being endgame in all this shit!” He grips your wrists, you want to get through to him but he’s lost in that terrible negative mindset.
“We both aren’t mind readers! But trust me that leaving you is nowhere on my list of achievements” You manage out of his grip and grasp his face. “You are being unfair and stubborn as fuck but I love you okay?” Your voice sounds almost angry, angry at the very idea of living in a world where you and him don’t coexist together.
“I can’t even marry you! I can’t even knock you up!” Another bitter laugh escapes him, he knows your parents would die for some grandkids. Why is he so different, why does he have to be so fucking different he wonders bitterly.
“I don’t care, I don’t fucking care about a piece of paper or screaming babies, I care about you and I want you and I’m fucking happy with you stop sabotaging it” You press your hands to his hard plastron and scowl. “Stop lying to me then! Don’t pity lie at me when I know you want all that shit” He frowns, eyes watery and not caring if he wakes everybody up in the Lair.
Mikey’s ready for the rant of a life time but then you have to go and kiss him.
Kiss him hard, kiss him with rage bubbling on the skin of your lips. He can taste your words, taste every way you would’ve shut down his words with basic truth and facts. You pull away, forehead still pressed to his and you mutter against his lips. “You’re so fucking insufferable, shut up and listen to me” Your eyes are watery as is, hands at his neck to keep him at eye level.
“I love you, I love you so fucking much” You take a shuttering inhale, fingers skimming up towards his cheeks. Mikey can only watch you, take in every detail he’s been obsessed with for so long. You’re so beautiful to him, even when your angry crying, yelling at him to open his eyes. You’re warm and real in front of him, against his body. You watch his eyes go from that calm before the storm into the aftermath.
He’s so real to you, so lovely and he doesn’t seem to understand it.
There’s a pause. A mere ten second reprieve where only silence and breathing remain. Mikey feels your hands slowly slide down his body, nails scratching his sides. You keep your eyes on him, a hand slides into his shorts, index finger mapping out the slit that encompasses his most intimate part. Mikey shudders, sensitivity racking his body at your touch. He walks you up against a wall, a hand on your neck and another finding it’s way into your own pants.
He teases you, just as you tease him. Knees buckle when he pushes your lips apart and feels your moistening folds. There’s already a bump where your touching him and the way he’s tensing gives way to how he’s trying to hold himself in. “Come on, come on” You weren’t aware just how hard you’ve been breathing till you speak. Mikey’s mouths falls open, eyes closing as he drops down into your warm awaiting hand. You stroke him, teasing the flesh of his head just to make him buck and recapture your lips. His own finger finds its way in you, stretching and making your breath hitch.
The only reason you both pull away is to tear at one another’s clothes, an easy accomplishment when Mikey’s got just his shorts. He isn’t soft with your clothing either, yanking and nearly tearing, his on his knees pulling off your underwear. Your scent hits him and he’s gone, trapped in all that is you. He inhales sharply as he gets back on his feet, arms hooking under your thighs as he picks you up.
You both land on the bed, a huff escaping you and a grunt when Mikey feels you push him so you can straddle him. You don’t quite finesse this, it’s not your usual seductive ways that leave him a mess. It’s rough, there’s still frustration lingering in the air and Mikey’s okay with it because he knows he might go to rough if he runs the show.
So you do.
Sinking down on his hard cock with a long guttural moan. Mikey digs his fingers onto the plush skin of your bottom, just enough to make you sit on his cock and relish it. Eyes closed he just basks, the tightness, the wetness, the warmth. His eyes flutter open when he feels your palms on his plastron, firm and with purpose. His hands know already, they go up and rest on your waist and he swallows a churr when your hips begin to move fast and hard.
That rhythmic slapping of flesh, your rear hitting his lap on each thrust down. Mikey can’t stop churring, eyes on your own or slipping down to your beautiful breasts bouncing. You notice and lean forward, he buries his face between him, arm going around your waist as he lifts his hips to help you cross that line. The sweat of your skin is on the top of his tongue as he sucks a bruise onto your breast, you’re tightening up so much, cussing and begging for him.
You both can’t stop moaning, once you’re cummin and Mikey follows closely behind. He holds you close to him as you ride out the sensations, tightly secured against his strong body, held and loved. You’re a broken record of ‘I love you’s and so is he, filling you up and up.
Collapsed on top of him, chest heaving, you still feel the strength in his arms as he hugs you to him. You bury your face on his neck, body shaking with sobs as he whispers he’s sorry over and over as he kisses your shoulder, neck and head.
You say it too, against his skin.
Where you wish you could stay everyday.
#tmnt bayverse#tmnt mikey x reader#tmnt michelangelo x female reader#michelangelo tmnt#tmnt michelangelo x reader#tmnt michelangelo#mikey tmnt#tmnt mikey#michelangelo x reader#mikey x reader#Mikey#Michelangelo#smut prompt#ns*w#ask#bumbleburn
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Enchanted
finally finished this!!! im so happy with it, and will be writing it in thomas’s pov as soon as possible and perhaps part 2?
Sleep evades me. My mind keeps returning to last night, specifically to a certain person I had met last night. I pull the covers higher, burying my head as I finally gave into my wandering mind.
~
I stand alone, needing a break from my aunt Amelia. The music was beautiful, a soft sound that filled the entire room. The party itself was decorated in a magical way, the columns in the building encompassed in vines, the tables with floral centrepieces. It was a mixture of whimsy and magic, yet no one seemed happy to be here. Everyone I spoke to was forcing smiles, men faked laughter as they believed this was not a party but a way to make business deals and enforce their own reputation. It was absurd how no one was just admiring the effort people put into making this perfect. It was the same every month, I'd walk to the edge of the room and watch. To calm my nerves, to explore the different flower pieces, the musicians and the flickering candles from the chandelier. The gowns women wore only once to try and show their wealth, whilst I tended to wear the same, as it fit the magical atmosphere this room desperately tried to make people see, yet they were too blind by their greed, the need to prove themselves to everyone to just simply stand back and enjoy themselves.
My cousin Liza seemed to be in conversation with Dacina, the host of the party, someone I had spoken to a few times, each being more enjoyable. Her calming demeanour and charm always lifted my spirits. Her family organizes this ball once a month, her father hates it but makes a lot of business so it is always left to her to plan and design it. With the help of Illeana and lots of their servants they always make this place ethereal. Her brother, Thomas Cresswell, only ever shows up for a few hours then leaves, only being able to handle the faking niceties for so long. Dacina told me of his tolerance, or lack thereof, to society. She speaks highly of her brother, as I once did, yet I have never met Mr.Cresswell.
The varnished wooden floor slowly gathers marks as couples danced. How I longed to be one of those dancers, being swivelled by someone I loved. They would look at me as if I was the most magical thing in the room, with a soft smile and adoration in every word he whispers to me. I would be his equal as we spun around, the world fading into nothing as we held each other. Alas, those dreams are not likely for someone cruel enough to carve the dead.
I snap out of my fantasy as a group of older men walk towards the buffet near me. They talk loud enough so everyone can hear, shockingly talking about work. I roll my eyes at them and look away back to the dance floor. The lights above cast shadows, making the scene feel like my imagination as I sit by a fireplace to read a romance novel. If this was a novel, there would be my love interest here, watching and finding the courage to say something. There are families at the table, children clinging to mothers as the men sit and discuss whatever. My father, uncle and aunt sit together in a seemingly civil conversation. I look for Liza again, deciding I should probably stop brooding in the corner but as I look for her my attention keeps going back to the men at the buffet. Not by choice, but by their obnoxious decision to shout their conversation.
“A woman led the strike, ridiculous, she had to go,” I heard an oldish man say, followed by murmurs of agreement, “these strikes are out of hand, demanding we pay more, absurd notions.” The man is none other than Mr. Birling, a notoriously cold hearted man, much like dacianas father apparently, both of whom value money rather than people. Even their own families. The group of men who looked the same as him, slightly wrinkled face, greyish hair, miserable faces with hints of conniving schemes being plotted against each other. Friends until one of them was earning more money and was more successful, then they were enemies again.
The men were in a heated discussion about their business and from what I can dissect from their ramblings is that they fully believe themselves to be hard working men, a rarity these days, and they must do what is necessary for their companies. Meaning, budget cuts, strikes from workers, firing people, and any horrible decision in the name of money. I refrain from rolling my eyes, or going over to berate them.
“Mr. Birling would not know what a hard day's work is.” someone says quietly behind me. His voice is smooth, confident, and whilst I agree due to what I have learnt about the birling family and the conversation I had just overheard, I still wouldn't say it aloud with him being this close. Not that he pays any attention to anyone but ‘hard working men’.
I turn my head slightly, the man behind me is tall, a smirk playing at his lips. His suit is finely tailored in a dark grey, with a peach tie. He takes a step forwards and stands at my side, staring out into the crowd, a glass of half drunk champagne in his hand. I return my gaze to the crowd. “Whatever makes you think that, surely you heard him talk about how much he works,” I try to suppress my own smirk and I also sneak a glance at the strange man. He merely takes a sip of his champagne.
“Right of course, his words, I shall listen more closely next time.”
“As you should. You wouldn't want to misinterpret someone's work ethic and make a fool of yourself in front of a stranger.”
“You consider me a fool now?” he turns to me now, hands pressed against his chest in fake offence. His brown eyes meet mine as I face him. His sharp cheekbones feel familiar, but I can't place where from.
“Yes. how could you consider someone such as Mr Birling, a man with such talent and tolerance of others, a man who clearly built his company and was not handed it by his father, how could you with a straight face imply he doesn’t know hard work.” we stare at each other for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. He has such a pure laugh, we seem to be the only sound in the room. People around us stop and stare, upset two people are having fun at a party. The stranger leans against one of the columns, disrupting the vines slightly. Yet he doesn't seem to care, as he slowly starts to regain his composure from our outburst.
Mr. Birling is one of the men looking at us with full disdain. He perceives us as two kids who do not understand life, he specifically tells his accountant that there is something wrong with us if the rumours are to be believed. Children of science. Outrageous. Especially a girl. A girl, not a woman. I ignore his pathetic whining, intent on not letting him ruin my night and return my focus to the stranger. Who, I realise, is someone who enjoys science. His face is more solemn now, having also overheard Mr.Birling. He quickly recovers and plasters a smirk on his face, a spark shines in his eye and I can already tell this won't be good.
“I want to meet this ‘girl’ who led the strike, perhaps she could use some help. I mean, all they ask is fair pay,”
“But fair pay is absurd. Completely and utterly absurd. Why should the wealthy share their wealth to those who ensure it.” he finishes for me. The men that run this world will end up being the reason it fails. We share a look, full of understanding and he lets out a sigh. Now we're talking about work and politics at a party.
“Aside from those charming men, how are you enjoying the party?” He gestures to the men around us and I snort. Charming was one word for them. Being with him and trading remarks felt like passing notes to each other, telling secrets during class even though we are meant to be listening to the teacher. I can't help but think I know him, and by the look in his own face he knows me. Perhaps we met but didn't have time for a full conversation like we are now.
“Mostly entertaining, the place is spectacular as always, the people are..” I searched for a word to describe the people, as well as my family. I love them dearly but they can be insufferable. “An interesting mix. My family is dramatic, so I escaped to the edge to peace and quiet, which apparently isn't possible. "I give him a pointed look but he takes no notice.
“My family is also dramatic, and I came for peace myself but found myself captivated by you, specifically how you watched the crowd, listening, and how you curled your fists in an attempt not to go and publicly humiliate the poor man. Which, by the way, I think you should've. Would've made the whole thing worth it.” He takes a sip of his champagne and I nearly roll my eyes at him. Of course he'd want that. From what I can tell he isn't someone who enjoys society and has no problem saying it. I also think about the families in attendance and which of those are dramatic. The only person I can think of is Darci's brother, whom I've not met but heard about his nature over wine with her.
“If I was merely standing here minding my business would you still have found me captivating enough to talk to me? Or is my appeal in my anger?”
He downs the rest of the drink and straightens himself taking a step towards me. I cross my arms, impatient but he gives me a soft smile. “I've been trying to get the courage to talk to you for months, I always see you here at the edge, always. My eyes find you instantly in any crowd. Transfixed, captivating. It was an added bonus to me when I saw the fierce nature in your eyes up close, I knew I was right to want to befriend you.”
Silence falls as we both take in his words. I feel bad, not being able to figure out who he is. His honesty is admirable and makes me smile, as well as blush. I can feel heat rise to my cheeks. Just as I begin to rectify the situation by asking for his name, a man comes behind
me, he’s around 40 probably, and looks at me horrendously in an attempt at a smile. I recognised him from earlier, he's one of the men that spoke with Mr Birling and that alone makes me instantly want to recoil.
“Can I help you sir?” I asked and I can hear my own clipped words, yet somehow he does not. The smile widens and he looks me up and down. Then he offers his hand to me and I realise he wants to dance. With a woman half his age, that he has never met.
“Miss Wadsworth, dance with me?” more of a common than a question. Since I am already highly aware he doesn’t like when females have opinions or say no, I refrain from rolling my eyes and just walking off from him. Instead I take a step back, so I'm by my new friend’s side and smile widely.
“I'm afraid I already promised the darling Wadsworth a dance, we are just finishing our drinks first.” As if to prove my point he drinks the last of his drink, mostly to hide his smirk. Something else the man doesn't seem to notice. His face drops, but his pride makes him believe he can stand there, waiting for me to run to him. There is an awkward silence until I feel hands reach down and take mine, they are warm and make me jump slightly at the contact. Not in a bad way, not in the way I would have if it had been the man in front of me with his gaze like fire as he looks at our joined hands as though he has a right to be mad about it. I feel my own fire burn as he stares, so I tug his hand away from the man. I need to just escape into the dreamlike nature of the dancefloor, as well as thank my saviour and learn his name.
He leads me to the dance floor, nearer the edge and his hands slip down to my waist as I find his shoulders. His touch is hesitant but reassuring. Somehow he looks calm and terrified, as though he never expected to dance with me but never wants to stop. I can't help but feel the same as we begin to move. My skirt swirls around us and we say nothing for a while as we both calm ourselves and let the music envelope us. In a way, this is as close to my daydreaming as I might ever get. Being here on the dance floor with someone who isn't twice my age and the definition of misogyny. We dance as equals, neither of us truly leading but letting each other float around each other. We're sure of our movements and demand nothing from each other. It is a weird calmness that settles. We are strangers as far as i know, and yet we dance as though we have known each other our entire lives.
“You are a delight, miss Wadsworth.” he breaks the silence, somehow louder than the music for me, yet it's quiet. Almost like he didn't mean to say it aloud.
“How do you know me?” my voice matches and i feel bad asking, but i need to know. My tone is not accusing, and his face only burrows in confusion for a second before he smirks at me. A smirk I'm seeming to become familiar with.
“My sister Dacina speaks highly of you.” my eyes must expand as he laughs softly. That's why I recognized him. He has the same structure as Dacina, sharp cheekbone and soft skin. Perfect complexion.
“So you are the infamous Thomas cresswell?” this time I smirk and his eyes widen.
“Infamous? What on earth have you heard of me?”
“Your sister has lots of opinions on you.”
“Of course she does. Whatever she has said is most likely not true.” He blurts out and I laugh at his relationship with his sister and him wanting to impress me. “Unless she told you I am utterly irresistible, charming, quick witted and incredibly smart.” winking at me he sends me into a surprising spin and my hands land on his chest. We've sped up slightly, yet our heartbeats are both faster than necessary and I can see a hint of a blush creeping up on his cheeks.
“She did mention you have an overly large ego. She'll be happy to know I agree with her.” I feel his hands tighten at my waist slightly and I watch his curls fall down in his face as he shakes his head. I'm delighted by this turn of events. Daci is wonderful, and if this is the Thomas that I get to see, not his reputation, then I shall try and keep this in my life for as long as possible. His spark in his eyes shows how he may think the same. Also, if daci, liza and ileana are with Thomas, then i might have the most fun I've ever had in my life.
His voice slides through my thoughts, but also reinforces them. “I am sure she failed to mention how big of an ego she has. Honestly, Darci is worse than I. Have you met Illeana? She will surely agree with me on this.”
“I'm sure she would, I've also heard you are a scientist, what do you study?”
“The dead. Much like you and your uncle.” There is so much certainty in his voice, no resentment or the usual tone I hear so I gift him an earnest smile.
The song ends, and we stand, hands still on each other for a second longer than we should. Just as I go to remove my hands from his chest I feel him pinch my sides lightly. Then his warm hands slip from my waist and I wish more than anything to dance again.
We go to return back to the column near the buffet, where we first spoke, and as I take a step I feel him move so he's pressed at my back, his hands finding mine. Even though we are gloved, even though no one can see our hands due to how close we are, and how many people are moving about, my heart pounds at his bold nature. I adore it, so I squeeze him and keep my head facing forward as I lead him off the dance floor. We settle back, Thomas letting go of my hand to pick up two glasses of champagne and hands me one. We both take a long sip, perhaps settling our brains or making it worse. Well see.
“You look,” he pauses, as if trying to find the right words, brows furrowed slightly as if he was reading a dictionary, “enchanting.” he finally finishes, gifting me a rare smile it seems. No longer does he smirk at me, but shows me a genuine look that I want to have painted as it is the best thing I have witnessed. Heat rises to my cheeks as I look down at my dress. Someone at least understood what I was going for, with a pale peach colour, sparkling bodice that runs along the length of the skirt. The long sleeves adorned with tiny gemstones, golden to match the accented colours of the hall. In response to Thomas I look back up at him with my own genuine smile, perhaps some of the only true smiles to be shared this evening. His suit fits him perfectly, showing off his defined features, his tie a pale peach as well. I assume Dacina helps him, as her dresses always astound me with the details. There are tiny, miniscule gems on his tie, that snake down and remind me of vines.
“You look,” I act the way he did, scanning my brain for something that fits, handsome or charming doesn't do justice but I'm sure whatever I use will only boost his ego and be used against me, so I settle with: “bedazzling.”
“Bedazzling?”
“Thomas, I study the dead, I have to look closer than one should at things, so of course I noticed your tie. Henceforth: bedazzling.” The air shifts back to our teasing tone and he smirks once again.
“You are the only one to notice, except Daci of course, nothing gets past her. Am I correct in assuming you like the tie?” Despite his teasing I feel a hint of worry as if I wouldn’t like his tie.
“I adore the tie cresswell, everyone here should be weaning ties with tiny jewels.”
His face falls as he scans the crowd, eyes narrowing slightly as he takes in the groups of men. “I cannot tell if you are being serious with me or not, but I agree nonetheless. The men here are awfully drab, boring, plain. It's insulting to us really. Daci puts so much time into making this beautiful and these people do not see it.” He is shaking his head. I agree, I have heard how much work goes in and despite my effort to help she insists that I do nothing but enjoy the party. I have a sneaking suspicion though that Liza helps. The flower centrepieces are her favourite, and whilst that might be a coincidence I know how stubborn and convincing she can be.
“I do. I love her parties. I always find myself standing here, watching and noticing all the changes from the month prior. Like, last month she went for more of a red theme, with red roses as the centrepieces, little red accented chairs and carpets. Whereas this month is more of a forestry vine, hence the vines around the column.” I point as though they are a secret thing you need to search for even though they are obvious. Yet he turns anyway and runs his finger down the length of it with his adorable face set at a soft smile. Thomas might have been there when she got the idea, or placed them or he might have placed them himself and is now remembering it.
My gaze finds Thomas and he looks at me, baffled, and I feel the blush creeping back up. It is not the same confused look that I get when I tell people my love of science, but one of intrigue. As if he could listen to me talk forever and not get bored. It's as if he has never thought anyone would notice such things about his family's party. “Enchanting.” is all he whispers to me. Then he clears his throat, an ever so soft shake of his head as though once again the words were meant for him and not us both.
I stare out at the crowd again. I'm sure my family will want to know where I've disappeared to, I normally do not leave them this long. Liza I'm sure will want to know why I danced with Thomas. Yet the thought of leaving him makes my legs leaden and my heart sink and anchor me right next to him. Im completely wonderstruck, and feel ill have a permanent blush, especially when i look at his stupidly handsome face, his quick smirk and small smiles that feel special. It is odd, I've only heard stories, spoken to him briefly and danced, yet I have enjoyed his company immensely and hope this never ends. I want more dances and to steal more smiles to keep forever. I want to make fun of people together, and dance.
I go to steal a glimpse of him, expecting to find him staring at the crowd like I was but his eyes are on me. “I have to leave,” his abrupt words anchor me in an entirely different way, “I mean, I want to stay and I'm sure you want my amazing presence always now Wadsworth but I have to wake early. New job. So, my darling, I shall see you tomorrow.” Thomas hesitates for half a second and begins to walk away. I watch him go and say goodnight to his sister and then leave. His words fill my head. It’s reassuring to know he enjoys my company as much as I do.
~
I bolt upright in my bed, the lights, music and memories falling away as I focus on the last words he said to me.
I'll see you tomorrow.
What does tomorrow mean? Does it mean he has a job where he thinks I visit? Will he be making an effort to befriend me? Does he know my family? I am so confused. How had I not caught these words sooner? Perhaps he wants to tell me he had a terrible time, that he doesn't like my presence. I'm on my feet without realising, pacing back and forth, the cold air hugging me close. I wish he was in front of me now. I wish he would whisper the words enchanting again. I wish I knew what was happening in a few hours that warranted him saying those four words. I run my hands over my face, untie my hair and let my curls fall over my shoulder, brushing away the colder ever so slightly. I'm ridiculous. Four tiny words sent me spiralling. I climb back into bed, my hair fanning out around me and the blanket returning warmth back into my system. Immediately my mind returns to Thomas, his face forever in my mind. Even if tomorrow could be the last time I see him, there is a chance that it is just the start.
Enchanting…
Those words fill me with confidence that yes, Thomas might become someone special to me. That perhaps our dance sparked something and now all I wish is that I can tell him how enchanting he is.
@fangirling-again @kittycat2187 @goatahoan @city-of-fae @purplecreatorhorsewagon @boredbookwormgirl @goddess-of-writing-wars @loveyatopluto @lovecakeandmore @yikesitsmaddie @bookscressworth @androgynousdeputylawyershoe @fandomtakeover @throneoftsc @the-hoofflepooff
#sjtr#hpd#efh#ctd#cresswell#thomas and audrey rose#Thomas Cresswell#Audrey Rose Wadsworth#audrey rose#kerri maniscalco#enchanted#taylor swift#stalking jack the ripper#Hunting Prince Dracula#escaping from houdini#capturing the devil
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Drabble: Jin's S/O with a Life-Consuming Irrational Fear of Night Time
REQUEST: "hi lovely!! is it possible to request a bts reaction to you having some extremely illogical phobia that affects your life in the most unexpected way? lots of love!! take care and don't pressure yourself into anything ♥"
I got this request ages ago and have tried so many times so write out all the reactions for it, but I just can't manage to get it done aside from Jin's. I'm having a huge block with this but rather than scrap the little I do have, I thought I would publish the Jin reaction only as an individual drabble. Sorry to the requester for not being able to make it work, I hope you enjoy this!
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warnings: panic attack, phobia, security lockdown
It took a while of you two being together for Jin to notice how odd your schedule was. After all, Jin’s own schedule was extremely busy and could encompass anything from before dawn to the wee hours of the morning. It wasn’t until his first day off within your relationship (months in due to how rare days off were). The first time something seemed strange to him was when the pair of you picked up some takeout and went back to your apartment to eat and hang out.
Throughout dinner, you kept nervously checking the time, looking out the window to check the sky. The second there was a hint of anything less than total daylight, you dropped your chopsticks and flew to the window, pulling three different varieties of blackout shades and curtains to block out the whole view. Once that was done, you seemed to calm down a bit, offering a nervous smile and sitting back down to eat, with Jin looking at you in total confusion. For whatever reason, he decided not to ask about it that night, but another incident came up pretty soon after that.
Around a week after your weird behavior at your place, you decided to head over to the HYBE building and spend the afternoon with Jin. You knew his schedule was appropriate for you to do so on that particular day (you’d checked in an effort to be courteous) and you’d brought a book to keep you quietly occupied while he was busy. He was very happy to see you and you were instantly glad you came. The afternoon was fun, with Jin joking around with you during his breaks and you enjoying watching him do what he loves.
What nobody expected was the whole building having to go under lockdown because of a security threat. You became visibly more panicked the closer it got to sunset, promising you were fine and trying to hold it together. But when night finally fell, you were a wreck. You were having a full-blown panic attack, hyperventilating and sobbing in a corner, trying to block the windows from your vision. Jin rushed over to you, unsure of what to do, feeling useless as he watched you shake in distress. He tried to ask what was wrong, but the best you could do was tell him what might help you, you being unable to take those steps yourself when you were this upset. You were repeating “no windows” over and over, clearly overcome with emotion of some sort. Jin just nodded and did as you asked, picking you up and carrying you out of the room.
You squeezed your eyes shut, clinging to him and hiding your face as well as you could. He was incredibly worried, still ignorant to the issue at hand. He took you to a studio, since all of those were interior rooms with no windows. He sat you down on the small sofa as you tried to get your breathing under control. Finally, after another long while of trying to calm down, you were able to breathe normally enough to speak and explain. You confessed to Jin about your extreme phobia of night time, something you were ashamed of and totally controlled by.
Your whole life was planned around your avoidance of night. Jin listened intently, letting you talk. You explained that in rooms without windows (or by totally covering windows like you did at home) it was unclear what time it was. It could be literally any time of day, then. That was pretty much your sole defense against your phobia. Jin contemplated your words for several minutes before speaking up, though he was holding your hand to show his silent support in the meantime.
“Is this something that you would be willing to try to work through or learn to cope with in a healthier way?” His inquiry was as gentle as possible, not wanting to upset you. To his relief, you nodded enthusiastically. “God, yes. I’m so tired of being trapped in the routine of avoiding my fear. I just don’t know what to do about it.” You replied, bringing a small smile to Jin’s face.
He pulled you a little closer and placed a kiss on your forehead. “I’m sorry this has been hurting you so much, and that you’ve been fighting it alone. But I’m going to be right beside you and we’ll find a way to make things better for you.” He stated sincerely, his eyes full of affection as he looked at you. You really didn’t know how you got so lucky, to be dating such an amazing person AND to be given the gift of hope that your phobia wouldn’t forever dictate your life. All you knew is you were incredibly grateful, and very much in love.
#bts drabble#bts drabbles#bts reaction#bts reactions#bts scenario#bts scenarios#bts imagine#bts imagines
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Power Lust
It’s been a couple of weeks since Ivan’s experiment. Makarov hadn’t left him alone about this business, so in the end he had budged and admitted the use of the rare lacrima. What he failed to understand was the drama his father made out of it. Laxus was clearly fine and Ivan was there to help him adjust to the new found power. One could have thought that his efforts and time spend to nurture his son would be met with enthusiasm, however, in reality, Makarov was barely tolerating it.
Not that Ivan really expected anything else by now, as tolerating him was one of his father’s specialities. He shifted his weight and leaned against the frame of the open door. He was watching from afar as Laxus did some extra training, trying to conjure lightning and making it hit the dummy.
“KACHOW! KACHOW! Hahahahaha!”
Laxus shouted out loud above the noise of thunder every time his lightning struck. He danced when he hit his target and groaned when he did not. He wouldn’t sulk for long, however, as the joy of finally becoming a wizard like his Dad and Grandfather gave him the strength to continue.
The passion in Laxus’s movements and voice brought a smile to Ivan’s lips. His son had accepted the lacrima much better than he had anticipated and all he needed now was guidance to bring forth all that he is capable of.
When Ivan heard the faint steps behind him, his smile disappeared from his face. He turned around to see Makarov stand next to him, watching out into the garden. For a moment, there was silence between the two men but then the older Dreyar began the conversation he came to have.
“He is so motivated to learn and become stronger. He is doing that for you. Does that make you happy?”
“I am certainly pleased to see this, yes. The result is better than I had hoped for and Laxus might actually become a useful asset.”, replied Ivan calmly. When he heard Makarov grunt in disapproval, he looked over. Was that not what he had just asked for?
“That wasn’t quite what I was thinking of.”, sighed Makarov. “Result? Useful asset? Can’t you ever stop talking about people like they are tools and appreciate them for their souls?”
“At least I DO appreciate the fact that they ARE tools and I will utilize Laxus to the best of his potential. It will give him a real purpose beyond just being my son - or your grandson.”
“Tools and experiments, is that all you really care for? Did you not feel any love for Laxus the way he was? Was he not good enough?”
Now it was time for Ivan to grunt in disapproval. How could that weak boy be good enough? He was constantly sick, couldn’t do any magic yet and still needed a nanny nearly 24/7. Was this not exactly what he needed, to become stronger, more powerful and gain independence from all the guild’s mother hens around him?
Another thought crossed Ivan’s mind, as he turned to answer his father.
“If challenging your son and training him to become better and stronger than the Status Quo of yesterday is, in your eyes, a lack of love - I dare say I love my son as much as you did yours.”
“Ivan! What are you--”
Makarov stopped mid-sentence and turned to face his son. While Ivan returned the gaze, his eyes were clouded and shielded the view into his soul from Makarov’s penetrating stare.
Laxus’s voice drew their attention before the conversation could continue.
“Whoohoo! More! More! Kachow—OUCH!”
The blonde boy jumped in circles for a moment, shaking his arm frantically. The lacrima had been implanted into a host body much weaker than its inert magic level. This meant that while being used so clumsily, overflowing magic will escape in an uncontrolled manner, causing some harm to the encompassing tissues. A minor problem that will go away with training. In fact, Laxus himself seemed hardly fazed by it, as he started laughing during his little dance of pain.
“Laxus! Remember what I told you about visualizing your attack first. If you go too fast, you’ll loose control!”
Ivan reprimanded him from afar. His son lifted his arm to the sky as if to say “All good!” and then turned around to get payback on the training dummy.
Makarov pointed at Laxus and reproached Ivan with it.
“This is hurting him! You WILL stop this.”
Ivan ignored the warning and chuckled quietly do himself.
“Come now, we all have had our accidents as we were training. I don’t remember letting that hold you back from encouraging me to continue. Isn’t this exactly as you like it?
“This is different, Ivan. There is a line to everything and this-”, Makarov pointed at Laxus, “-is crossing it. You KNOW that to be the case. Implanting that lacrima into his weak body could have killed him in the spot if you had made even the slightest mistake. It STILL could kill him now, if you excerpt him too much.”
With a wave of the hand and a groan Ivan dismissed the issue.
“Yes, yes. Stop complaining. Life is a risk. Look at him! He is making the best out of himself, overcoming his weakness. He would never have had any of that strength without me.”
“LOOK! DAD! GRAMPS!”
Laxus pointed excitedly at a charcoaled area on the dummy that glimmered a bright red around some sharp edges of the wood. His lightning had burned it. His family responded in unison, one in approval, one in dismay.
This wasn’t what Makarov hoped for.
“I know very well that as a father you wish to see your offspring become strong and self-sufficient. It is our responsibility to support them in that endeavour, too. But this is a shortcut that will harm him, Ivan. Why don’t you see that?”
“Oh quit it, old man. You have not the faintest idea nor do you care about my work and all you have ever done is impose sanctions and recite love poems to me. It has, frankly, long been useless to lecture me.”
Ivan’s tone changed. Where he showed patience before he exchanged it now for bitterness. He was too old to be lectured on anything any more, especially as he thought the lecturer to be a hypocrite on that matter.
Makarov lowered his head and resigned in agreement.
“Indeed. Forgive me for having let you down at a time when I still had the chance to reach you. Now, all I can do is prevent damage to others…”
“Tsk. Do you even have the guts-”
“Yes.” Makarov interrupted his son decidedly. “I watched you and your schemes for long enough and I should have done this much sooner. Listen well for I am saying this only once.”
Makarov underlined the weight of his words with an unwavering, direct look into his son’s dark eyes.
“Ivan, CEASE your training this instant. Do not take your responsibility for your son’s well-being lightly… if this continues in any shape or form, you will have no place to return to. Neither guild nor family.”
It was Ivan who looked away, focusing his gaze on Laxus. He couldn’t imagine Makarov to pull through with his threat. His father’s love for him made him weak and he always skirted around serious punishment before. So why would he do it now?
============================================
Ivan had seen enough. Laxus was still not ready yet and there was no point in watching his son any longer for today. He got up from the tree trunk and sighed heavily.
“It’s been a couple of days and you still haven’t destroyed that dummy. When you said you had chipped it, I thought we’d see you perform the final blow today… looks like I was mistaken. Time for me to get back to work.”
With alarm Laxus’s eyes darted over to the moving figure. He had sweat pouring down his body and bend forwards a bit to rest his hands on his knees. The dummy in front of him had nothing but a few new scratches.
“No, Dad, wait!”, gasped the young boy desperately. “I just need… ONE more try… and then I can go with you.”
“Hmm? I really can’t waste any more time here, Laxus. You are still too weak.”
Ivan graced his son with a look of disapproval, then turned and walked away, ignoring Laxus’s further pleas. He heard moans from behind him and thought for a moment that Laxus had started to cry again, so he focused on his own mind to distract himself. He had imagined that the intense desire to be strong and at his side would accelerate Laxus’s development, particularly since they had to meet in secret like this. Instead, despite the initial incredible pace, Laxus slowed down again. Is it possible that the cap Makarov is trying to put on the boy dampered the effectiveness of their training? He should try and send Laxus along some jobs with the others to encourage him to--
“AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!”
Ivan’s thoughts were harshly interrupted by an intense scream coming from behind him. He turned around instantly and looked back to the small clearing where Laxus had been standing a moment ago. Now he was down on the floor, jerking in visible pain. The continuous groans of agony drew him back very quickly. What on earth had happened? Was a stray, uncontrolled discharge of the lacrima able to bring Laxus down like this?
Lightning still sparked forth from the writhering boy and forced Ivan to approach with caution. He noticed the red blood on Laxus’s face, hands and hair and searched his pockets for something to cover the wound with. As he found nothing, his hands untied the knot of his cravat and folded it down to a smaller, double layered cloth.
Ivan knelt down besides Laxus and reached out to touch him by the shoulder but he withdrew his hand instantly.
“Argh!” An electric spark shot through his body as he made direct contact with Laxus’s bare skin. Ivan gritted his teeth and tried to push Laxus onto his back once more anyway. This time the magical electricity was tolerable. The boy’s groans turned into weak sobs and his body grew limb as the effects of the sudden discharge ebbed down.
Ivan now gently lifted the protective hand covering Laxus’s face. He held the cloth ready but the moment he saw what was underneath, Ivan knew this was going to be some permanent damage. And a certain someone would NOT like this.
“Damn.”
======================= END PART 2
#fairy tail#laxus dreyar#ivan drey#makarov dreyar#dreyar-drama#i have part 3 and part 4 planned#let's hope i have the strength to see them through#but this mixture of writing and drawing is not too bad#i enjoy doing this a lot#my art#hcs
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You asked for prompts, so maybe Rhodey/Tony with the Avengers meeting Rhodey for the first time and realizing how devoted Tony is to him? Like Tony has been doing that Trademark Stark thing but then the team sees him with Rhodey for the first time and realizes THIS is the real Tony.
thank you for the prompt!!! this was so much fun to write, i hope you enjoy!!
Tony Stark is an enigma.
He wears expressions like they’re masks, and wields words like they’re weapons, and takes people apart with one piercing glance.
He’s more than a man, he’s a paradox; he isn’t made of flesh and bone and blood, no, Tony Stark is made of gears and wires and lines of code that run the solutions to every possible problem before they happen.
It’s terrifying.
Natasha looks at him, and to her, he’s a mirror; Tony reflects what they all want to see. And mirrors are not glass. She can’t tell what’s real, can’t see through him at all, and she hates it. It makes her feel weak. She tries breaking the mirror, breaking Tony, but it doesn’t work. Even at his lowest point, sitting across from her and Fury in the diner, he reflects what she wants to see–a broken man. And yet, not a broken mirror.
Steve doesn’t know what to think of him; he is nothing like Howard, and yet he is everything like Howard. Steve sees Howard in the way Tony balances five conversations at once, the way Tony knows he’s the smartest person in the room and acts like it, the way he carries himself with his hands constantly in motion. It makes Steve ache for the time he left behind.
Bruce only sees an equal in him; their minds attract each other like magnets. But magnets can repel each other, can become polar opposites so very easily, and as Tony starts pushing, Bruce lets himself be repelled, because it’s easier than answering Tony’s questions that strike too close. Bruce doesn’t know how he does it, how he can find someone’s heart in minutes, especially because Tony acts like he doesn’t understand people at all. It’s fascinating, and confusing, and not a magnet Bruce wants to draw in.
Clint thinks it’s all a show; Tony acts like the people he grew up around, performers who used flashy tricks to distract the audience from their real movements. Tony is a magician, Clint realizes, after he reviews the footage of the days he missed, and sees things no one else caught, sees the bugs he plants and the seeds he sows, because Tony was too busy distracting them all with his words.
He’s a myriad of things, a collection of lies and half-truths, and the Avengers don’t know what to do with him.
-
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do with you,” Tony hears, and he knows he’s covered in engine grease and that there’s probably some in his hair, but that’s not really the point. Then there’s arms wrapping around him, a chest pressing to his back, lips against his temple, the smell of jasmine lotion surrounding him, Rhodey slotting into place behind him.
It’s embarrassing how long it takes Tony’s brain to register the facts, and he turns around so quickly he gets whiplash.
“You’re home!”
“Clearly I’m less interesting than that engine that you’re working on.”
“I haven’t slept in two days,” Tony says, just to watch Rhodey get that crinkle in his brow. He kisses it. “I missed you.”
“Missed you too, genius.” Rhodey’s lips trail across the exposed skin of his shoulder. “You’re wearing my sweatshirt.”
“When am I not wearing your sweatshirt, honey bear?”
“When I’m taking it off of you,” Rhodey says, punctuating it with a bite.
“Oh, yeah, fair point–“
Rhodey cuts him off with a kiss.
-
Steve walks in on them first, in the kitchen, where Tony’s sitting on the counter with his legs crossed under him, drowning in clothes that are too big for him and mismatched socks, wearing a smile that’s as blinding as the sun.
He feels like it’s a moment that needs to be captured in time, but only for the two men in front of him, a moment that he wasn’t meant to see.
Tony doesn’t look anything like Howard as he draws Jim Rhodes into a kiss.
Steve leaves, and if he draws the smile on Tony’s face and gives the picture to Jim later, that’s between them.
-
Natasha finds them during movie night, when Tony’s sleeping on top of Jim Rhodes, head pillowed on his chest and arms wrapped around his waist, bare feet hanging out at the end of the blanket that covers them both. The movie plays as background noise; even Natasha can see that Jim’s only got eyes for Tony.
When she comes closer to pull the blanket over Tony’s feet and Jim mouths a silent thanks to her, she sees Tony’s face, half-pressed into Jim’s neck.
He looks content. No mirror to reflect what she wants to see, only glass to show her what Jim Rhodes always sees.
Jim’s gaze shifts to meet hers.
“Wanna watch?” he asks softly, motioning towards the T.V. with a brush of his hand across Tony’s back.
The offer is surprising, but what’s more surprising is when she sits down, and Jim lets her put Tony’s feet in her lap to keep the blanket from slipping off of them again.
Neither of them watch the movie much, and Natasha realizes, as Tony starts to stir, and is greeted with a soft kiss from Jim, that the mirror doesn’t need breaking to show her the real Tony Stark.
-
Bruce comes across them in Tony’s workshop, where Tony’s lying on his stomach across a workbench, focused on a holographic blueprint of the War Machine armor, arms and legs dangling off the edge of the bench like he’s a little kid. Jim Rhodes’ fingers are loosely entwined with Tony’s from where he sits on stool, looking at the same hologram but in a smaller size.
Before Bruce can say anything, Tony rolls off the bench with no verbal warning; Jim catches him anyway.
They stand up together, and then suddenly they’re working together in a seamless dance of passing parts and trading kisses, the moon orbiting the earth, or the earth orbiting the sun, and Bruce thinks that maybe he does want to draw in the magnet that is Tony Stark.
-
Clint’s the last person in the Tower to see them, and when he does, they find him, rather than the other way around.
He’s sitting on the roof, because open air clears the clutter in his mind, and he hears the door open behind him.
They don’t even notice him, too wrapped up in each other, Tony tugging Jim outside, his quips and tricks and words turned soft, and they’re met with a smile that’s just as soft. None of it is a show, not for Jim Rhodes.
Clint clears his throat.
“You two should get a room.”
“Christ, birdbrain, warn a guy!” Tony yelps. His hand doesn’t leave Jim’s, and his face doesn’t change, and Clint thinks that maybe the curtains have closed for real, and the show is over for the Avengers, too.
-
Tony Stark is still an enigma.
But now, the Avengers understand him a bit better.
They understand that he belongs to Jim, and that Jim belongs to him, and that they are each other’s. They understand that if they don’t try to learn who Tony is, it won’t work, because the only person who can know him without any effort is Jim Rhodes. They understand that Tony will be what they want to see, that he will be abrasive and sharp, that he will be polarizing, that he will put on a show, unless he is with Jim Rhodes. They understand that Tony is not what they thought.
It’s still terrifying.
But it’s terrifying because Tony’s love is terrifying, all-encompassing, and they’ve only experienced a fragment of it.
It’s a miracle, they think, that Jim Rhodes hasn’t burned up yet.
Then again, Tony Stark protects his own.
#someone tell me to stop using the sun/icarus metphor like SERIOUSLY i need to stop#anyway uhhhhhhhh tony stark is human and he's only human with rhodey so....yeah....stan that#tony stark#james rhodey rhodes#iron man#war machine#rhodeytony#ironhusbands#ironhusbands drabble#tony stark drabble#aven.writing#aven.ask#?? ig bc i answered a prompt request#anon
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This project began as an indirect response to a few negative tweets in the days following the Valentine's Day Destiel wedding. During such time that “certain sources” chose to speak against the impromptu "wedding" and state that the direction of the show never included sexuality or romance. Since this argument has sparked a bit of discourse as to the validity of Dean Winchester and Castiel's relationship and sexualities, I began this edit as an exploration of observations throughout the entire 15 season run of the series. (That's not to say that Sam does not also have his own impactful romances throughout the show -he does have several notable ones- but in his case they are never debated upon or erased.)
There are three complete edits linked below. The differences are explained in their descriptions. (I also recommend downloading for best quality rather than simply watching in the browser, but it’s your choice)
BiDeanEdit: (Click here to download)
Runtime: 18:04:44
File Size: 10.0 GB (10,741,415,805 bytes)
Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships and intended expressions of their sexualities (ie interest in both genders). This edit focuses on their relationship as it develops with one another, their other notable relationships (DeanxBenny, CasxMeg, DeanxLisa, etc), and the framework around their sexualities with small scenes of expression (ie Dean in ‘Playthings’ or ‘Everybody Hates Hitler’, or early seasons Dean & his transgressions with women, or Cas in ‘Caged Heat’)
BiDeanMLMEdit: (Click here to download)
Runtime: 14:40:57
File Size: 8.05 GB (8,649,798,685 bytes)
Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships and intended expressions of their sexualities. This one is the same as the last but with only MLM content (Otherwise referred to as ‘only the gay parts’). We focus on this more repressed side of their sexuality and see these clues laid out altogether in one fluid edit (these examples are also available in the previous edit, however are just not aligned beside any heterosexual content). DeanxCrowley, DeanxBenny, DeanxLee, DeanxCas, etc.
DestielOnlyEdit: (Click here to download)
Runtime: 13:08:49
File Size: 7.17 GB (7,709,560,696 bytes)
Series long compilation edit (in sequence) of only Destiel related content. The same as the above edit, just simplified even more to only focus on Dean and Cas’ relationship over the years.
Keep reading below to find my full analysis of the complete edit regarding these guys sexualities, relationships, and the parallels we can draw.
To understand why it is that so many queer fans of Supernatural and other similar shows read queerness in characters and their relationships, we should look at the hays code established in 1930. At this time this certain code was established to monitor what was allowed to be depicted outright on film. Within the margins of what was to be stifled, was homosexuality. As such, filmmakers had to plant “queer-coded” seeds into the writing and subtext so that queer audiences watching could interpret these characters and relationships in this manner without the words and actions stating so outright. (At this time homosexuality could be depicted on film as long as said gay character was either a villain, caricature, or met an untimely end- feeding into the blossoming of the kill-your-gays trope. But that’s another topic for a later time.)
As film changed over the years and times became more accepting of lgbt characters portrayals on screen outside of simple coding, this did not make the code obsolete. Queer-coding and queer-baiting are often used in media in present day as a way to pull in viewership. Networks are able to garner the best of both worlds, in a sense. They can draw in heterosexual audiences that may not want to watch queer media, whilst also drawing in queer audiences by coding some characters and relationships just enough to pull those viewers in. This works simply because there is such a lack of queer representation in most media that we’ll take what we can get.
This is where Supernatural comes in. There is a reason that Supernatural and thus “Destiel” is known by some as “The Great American Queerbait.” This twelve years long gay slow-burn between one overly masculine character and his awkward angel best friend did not begin with the intention of romance or baiting, as many of these things generally don’t. However, once fans realized the chemistry between these two particular actors and characters, it became something blatantly written into the show. Sometimes jokingly, other times as legitimate moments of emotional intimacy between two characters. So to say that the show’s direction never included sexuality or romance is, to put it bluntly, bullshit. Just because something is not written in clear and concise wording right in your face, does not mean that it is nonexistent and that the writers did not know what they were writing into the show. (Not even to mention the actual love confession in 15x18, but I digress).
We know very well that queer content has been written subtextually into media for the better part of seventy years. It is a language in media just as much as lighting is a language, just as much as certain camera angles, color design in costumes or set decor, and music design are languages. All of these, outside of the simple words said on screen, make up our media and these characters and our shows. Tv is a world of color, not black and white.
[[ further readings on the above topics: X X X X X ]]
I decided upon this full edit encompassing both the female and male aspects of Dean Winchester and Castiel’s relationships & sexualities because oftentimes when we’re looking into potentially queer characters we tend to focus on the same sex attraction and neglect the opposite sex attraction. Both are very important to acknowledge and compare, if at the very least to view where they may overcompensate, where toxic masculinity may come into play, compulsory heterosexuality, trauma responses, etc. Sometimes what a character doesn’t do is just as important to interpret as what they do do.
For instance, Dean Winchester. If we are to operate under the assumption that he is bisexual, any repression we witness throughout the series as to his male attraction is likely to be a result of his difficult upbringing, similar to most queer identifying people with childhood trauma. His father is a marine, the picture of manliness in which Dean himself blatantly embodies in an effort to impress and make his father proud in any way he can. Dean is already unlikely to seek out activities in any aspect of life of which might make John look at him in a different light (ie, in an every day setting, even simply watching Finding Dory- this is not something S1 Dean would have admitted to liking, but we see Dean in later seasons standing up for himself and his appreciation for it).
Is it perhaps for this reason that we see Dean as an overly blatant and flirty ladies man in season 1 when John is still alive, while this side of him steadily declines as the series continues? It even becomes established in season 3- in light of Dean’s fears surrounding going to Hell, he enters an attitude for coping that Sam recognizes- hypermasculinity, promiscuity, deflection. Heightening the idea that this caricature of himself that he embodies is a mask that he wears in order to cope with something else. He is donning the image he assumes others think he should fit into. Sam calls him out on this through the years, and eventually this becomes something we see in him less and less as he feels more comfortable simply being himself.
If we take into account the time of which this first season is filmed, this is 2005, a time where gay jokes were still funny and an overcompensating character was a joke attached to it. We see Dean built up in these first couple of seasons through this lens of jokes about a hyper-masculine character being mistaken for gay, however instead of this building up the masculinity to encourage a raging heterosexual characterization, this overcompensation is exactly what inadvertently sows the seeds of queer-coding. To queer watchers this reads as a deeply repressed character with childhood trauma who overcompensates when faced with observations of gayness and uses hypermasculinity to counteract these accusations.
It is through circumstances such as “Bugs” in S1 or “Playthings” in S2 that we first see these ‘jokes.’ The brothers are mistaken as a gay couple. Dean being the more “masculine’ of the two characters has a blatant reaction to these situations (Overcompensating), and Sam’s lack of a reaction is what solidifies his own straightness all the more. Neither brother is homophobic (this becomes established as time goes on) so why would either have a problem with this mistake? Sam wouldn’t care because he’s clearly not gay- in fact, he usually just laughs it off. Dean would care because he wonders what about him looks gay? Do other people see it too? Do they know? What’s wrong with him?
We also see another blatant example of this type of freakout in season 8. “Everybody Hates Hitler.”
(Images: “Playthings” S2xE11)
(Image below: S8 “Everybody Hates Hilter”)
We frame these situations in early seasons around girl of the week scenarios and brief bar flirtations. Have to make it clear that our manly straight character looks as manly and straight as possible. Dean is also in his 20s, he’s more carefree/not as traumatized yet, and he is a sexual man so he does sleep around quite a bit. What is notable, however, is how much this drops off in later seasons. As time goes on Dean seeks out less and less the fleeting encounters of one night stands, in favor of genuine connections- even if he himself frequently doubts his own ability to ever have a settle-down type of relationship or life. Lisa is the only long-term female romantic relationship Dean ever has throughout the series run, and this tentatively begins in season 5 and ends in season 6.
Dean and Lisa’s relationship is founded more in a dream of something that Dean wants to be rather than who he actually is. Although he loves her, their bond is made through trauma and their relationship overall is reminiscent of a soldier who returned home from war with heavy PTSD and begins to burden the family that he will come to realize he doesn’t quite fit within anymore.
Outside of this, his closest relationships from thereon out are between Benny, and Castiel.
Let’s start with Benny. Throughout season 8 Benny is framed as an ex and his relationship with Dean directly parallels Sam and Amelia’s. Both brothers must confront their relationships with their ‘significant others’ and decide whether to cut them off or proceed. Both brothers found these people under circumstances in which they did not get along with them at first but were pushed together. Another person comes in the middle of their relationship (Amelia’s husband for Sam, or Cas/Sam for Benny). The brothers each resent the other’s significant other or the circumstances surrounding the relationship. Sam hates Benny because he is a vampire and Sam does not understand why Dean continually trusts him (which is a circumstance inherently queer-coded in itself for comparability to an unaccepting family). Dean does not care for Amelia simply for the fact that Sam chose her over looking for him in purgatory.
Other instances we see parallels between Sam’s romances and Dean’s:
“Sex and Violence” S4 siren: Nick(Siren)/Dean parallel to Sam/Dr Lady
Season 4: Ruby/Sam and Cas/Dean teamup parallels
S1 Dean pulling Sam from the fire away from Jess vs S12 Sam pulling Dean away from Cas who may die approaching Lucifer to fight
Season 8: Dean/Benny vs Sam/Amelia. Dean and Benny, since they’re essentially going through a breakup, are directly paralleled to Sam and Amelia and their breakup. See “Larp and the Real Girl” for Charlie and Dean’s conversation about Sam’s recent breakup and Charlie picking up on the fact that Dean might also be going through one.
1x05 vs 8x07: Sam seeing Jessica on the sidewalk as they drive down the street vs Dean seeing Cas on the side of the road as he drives down the street
S11: Perhaps this one can be interpreted loosely and not necessarily romantic (esp on Sam’s end), but “O’ Brother Where Art Thou” both brothers are drawn to forces they actively fight against being drawn to. SamxLucifer and DeanxAmara.
S11: “Beyond the Mat” not a relationship but with crushes/infatuations. Dean with Gunner Lawless and Sam with Rio.
S15: Cas telling Dean that “We Are” real. vs Eileen being unsure what’s real and Sam kissing her and saying “I know that was real.”
S15: “The Trap” Dean loses all hope following the death of their friends and primarily Cas. Sam loses hope after Eileen’s death. Directly paralleled in the episode. (We also see Sam lose Eileen in 15x18, where Dean also loses Cas)
Additional parallels between Dean/Cas with anyone else:
Season 9/10: Cain/Colette vs Dean/Cas. “She only asked for one thing. To stop.” vs Cas asking Dean to “Stop”. Both circumstances referring to the Mark of Cain.
S12 “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” Lily (human)/Isham (angel) vs Dean (human)/ Cas (angel)
Led Zeppelin: This music means something within John/Mary’s relationship, which Dean directly acknowledges in 12x01 with Mary. We find out Dean has gifted Cas a mixtape of his “Top 13 Zepp Traxx” in 12x19. (the implications of Dean having made a mixtape for Cas, being its own point in a different discussion)
When Lucifer contacts a person to try and get them to open up to him, he uses their dead lover as a ploy. SamxJess, NickxSarah, VincexJen, DeanxCas - 15x19 when Lucifer calls Dean using Cas’ voice.
The parallels of unreciprocated love/infatuation. DeanxCrowley and CasxHannah. Dean likes Crowley but clearly not the way that Crowley likes Dean. Cas likes Hannah like a friend or sister, but she keeps putting the moves on him for awhile and he appears deeply uncomfortable and has to shoot her down more than once.
Parallels between Dean’s own relationships:
Dean in “Let it Bleed” torturing demons to find the location of Lisa and Ben vs Dean in Purgatory torturing monsters to find the location of Cas “The angel”
“The Rapture” opens in Dean’s dream which Cas visits and says he’s in trouble and gives Dean an address to go to immediately. “The Song Remains The Same” opens in Dean’s dream which Anna visits and says she’s in trouble and gives Dean an address to go to immediately.
S6 Dean dodging calls from Lisa vs S12 Dean dodging Cas at the beginning of “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” (notable also how Sam treats both circumstances the same)
S11: “Into the Mystic” 11x11 Mildred tells Dean the key to living a long and happy life is to follow your heart. Later in the season “All in the Family” 11x21 When Casifer is still captured by Amara, she puts her hand to Cas’ heart and is able to connect with Dean to contact him. Hinting at the link between Cas and Dean’s “hearts.”
Not necessarily a parallel but an observation. 7x01 when Cas is loaded up on God juice, and Dean has given up but Sam hasn’t and wants to talk to ‘the guy’, Dean says, “He’s not a guy, he’s God.” But in 11x18 Dean refuses to give up on Cas and let him continue to be possessed. Sam keeps speaking about Cas like he’s just a vessel and Dean says, “It? It’s not an it, Sam. It’s Cas.” Mostly this shows the development of their relationship and Dean’s willingness to continue to fight for him.
Dean’s dream world with Pamela in S14, she says to Dean “How come you only want what you can’t have?” and in S15 during Cas’ confession scene he says to Dean, “The one thing I want, is something I know I can’t have.”
Before we delve into Dean and Castiel specifically, let’s explore a few more things regarding Dean.
Let’s start with Cassie. This is Dean’s first romantic relationship we see on the show, and is arguably his first love. What is notable about her is her characterization and Dean in relation to her. We haven’t seen him in a relationship before, and thus this is the baseline to which we can draw how he is in this type of vulnerable state.
We see here that he is drawn to strong individuals. Cassie is a very strong willed character and can hold her own. She has a boldness about her. Dean appreciates that. We see similar in his next framed love interest: Jo Harvelle. Jo is another strong character, and though Dean sees her more as someone he needs to protect because she doesn’t have as much experience under her belt, he respects her intellect and strong will all the same. They connect through a love for hunting and mutual daddy issues. Personally, this is a relationship I view more as a little sister dynamic in a similar vein to Dean and Charlie, however this pairing is still worth noting because as it was written it was intended to potentially flourish into a romantic relationship. This did not pan out, though the seeds are still there.
Next up is Anna. Again daddy issues are a solid connection these two hold, and while this relationship is more of a one-night-stand than anything else, there are still important points to be taken from this encounter. The first is just how much Dean cares. We don’t see very many sex scenes with Dean throughout the series, but of the ones we do see, it is apparent that he is a gentle and tender man. He cares. About even a single night with a woman. (Cassie, Anna, Lydia ’The Slice Girls”) This is a contrast to Dean’s general persona of the masculine straight promiscuous lady’s man. He has all the bravado of a man who ‘loves em and leaves em’, but in reality that is not who he is. This is another example of the faces Dean wears in front of certain people (and what he thinks they expect of him), and the person he is once he lets that mask fall.
It may be important to note as well that Anna, (it is rumored) was originally meant to be more to Dean than this simple one night stand and connection. She was intended to become a romantic interest but, as it turned out, Dean and Cas had more chemistry so the arc that Anna was meant to follow was instead given to Castiel.
It is another year until the apocalypse comes along, Sam dies, and Dean falls back into Lisa’s lap. While Lisa is another strong-willed woman who rolls with the punches, her lifestyle deviates from Dean’s usual romantic interests simply because of her offering of a normal life outside of everything he’s usually known. A life with her is dipping his toe into a life he could have had if he didn’t hold the weight of the world on his shoulders and hunt the things that go bump in the night.
This is Dean’s last “official” relationship of the series. After putting Lisa and Ben in danger by being someone that he cares about, Dean accepts that he’s simply not a guy that can have a normal life or a normal family. He cares about people and they get hurt. This is a weight he holds on his shoulders for the remainder of the show. He loves someone, or more accurately, they love him, and they’ll get hurt. End of story. It doesn’t help that immediately following this, Castiel “dies” too.
Maybe it’s Lisa, maybe it’s Cas. Maybe it’s a combination of the two at this point in time, but Dean is never again the same when it comes to relationships after these events at the end of season 6. He becomes more cautious, tries to keep people an arm’s length away, and we even begin to see less and less promiscuity and flirting with miscellaneous women from this point on.
Let’s talk about Castiel.
Although Dean has had various queer-coded moments throughout the beginning of the series and up to Castiel’s entrance in season 4, his minimal relationships up to this point have all been with women. Simply exploring the evolution of this relationship from Dean’s side of the picture, Dean doesn’t start to truly warm up to Castiel until perhaps the end of season 4. He begins the season unsure of the angel, perhaps even a bit afraid of him, before the two garner a sort of mutual respect as Dean begins to see that there’s more to him than simply an agent of heaven.
They’re friends in season 5. The quirky, strange angel that doesn’t understand social cues, stands too close, stares too much, and says things like “we’re making it up as we go” and “tonight you’re my little bitch.” He’s a far cry from the ethereal entity that showed up in Bobby’s kitchen just a year ago and threatened to toss Dean back into Hell. What really turns the curve, however, is “The End.”
5 years in the future in the midst of an apocalyptic war, Cas is still around. He’s human and he’s stuck by Dean’s side through it all, even though this Dean is just a shadow of his former self. Then again, so is this Cas. But still, they stuck together. Dean isn’t used to that. He has very few people that have stuck by him for this many years. Could probably count them all on one hand at this point. Bobby and Sam at the top of the list. Everyone else either dies or leaves. And in this future, Bobby and Sam are dead, but Cas is still there.
Dean has abandonment issues. His mother died when he was four, his dad was in and out emotionally and physically his entire upbringing, Sam left for Stanford the first chance he got. He’s got strings of dead friends and lost relationships surely in tow for years at this point, and half the time Dean has become accustomed to pushing people away before they have a chance to push him away first. (Ie Cassie, Lisa, often even Sam too at times). Cas won’t make these issues any better during their run together, but up to this point Cas hasn’t let him down. The simple fact that in this one future universe Cas had stuck by him, I’m sure that makes a big difference to Dean and actually may be imperative for their relationship going forward and the trust that forms between them.
Something that becomes a large part of their relationship is Cas and Dean’s ability to have conversations with just their eyes. This is a shorthand that Dean is known to have with Sam on occasion, especially during times of combat. It takes a certain amount of intimacy and knowledge of the other person to be able to have a shorthand like this. The first instance we see this between them is quite possibly “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester,” when Dean convinces Cas that they can save the town. We see it again in the ‘beautiful room’ when Cas slams Dean up against the wall and Dean seems to understand what’s happening. Another instance, “The Song Remains the Same.” In a way, it’s a locking of eyes that just seems to say “trust me,” and they do.
Sam wonders if Anna may be right. If killing him and scattering the pieces will stop this whole Lucifer vessel business. Sam asks Cas, Cas looks to Dean, they share a look, and Cas shuts Sam down. In all likelihood that plan could have worked, but Cas wouldn’t do that Dean. He wouldn’t do it to Sam either but at this point he’ll do anything at all for Dean.
If we take a moment to consider Dean and Cas’ relationship here, it is unlike any of Dean’s previous ones. Dean never has this same kind of shorthand with any of his other relationships, save for possibly Benny to a certain extent. Cas is an odd guy, and Dean frequently describes him as such, but he finds it endearing (if “Free to be You and Me” is any indication this early in their relationship). The previous women in his life all had the same thing in common, that they’re strong willed, brave, and don’t put up with Dean’s shit when he’s being a shit. Cas does fit all this criteria, but he’s also someone that Dean has a hard time reading. Cas is so literal sometimes that Dean can’t tell what’s literal, what’s deadpan, and what’s just Cas’ personality as an angel. But at the end of the day, simply put, he likes him and he trusts him. Getting Dean Winchester’s full trust as quickly as Cas gets it is an anomaly all on its own.
Dean’s female relationships are fairly surface level. They’re easy and fairly uncomplicated. Boy likes girl, girl likes boy. Girl gets mad at boy, relationship ends. Easy. Expected. His relationship with Cas isn’t easy. But the big endgame relationships seldom are. There’s blood, loss of trust, rebuilding, and there’s a pull that at the end of the day always brings them back to one another no matter how incredibly messy things get.
And boy do things get messy. If we touch back into the end of season 6 where things end with Lisa and blow up with Cas, Dean is at an all time low in the relationship department.
Dean takes Cas’ betrayal hard. Breakups are one thing. Leaving Lisa was expected. It was bound to happen eventually. Dean always knew that somewhere inside. He mourns leaving them, but knows it’s for the best. But with Cas’ betrayal at working with Crowley, he’s devastated all over again.
Dean never expects his relationships to last forever, but again there’s a choice few people in his life he lets take up space on the list of those who might stick around. Bobby, Sam, Cas. I don’t think Lisa was ever on this list, as much as Dean wishes he could tell himself she and Ben were. But they weren’t. That relationship was a ticking time bomb. And when they nearly die because of his life and the creatures surrounding him every day, that’s the end of it.
Fast forward, season 7 is a time of mourning. He’s lost Lisa and Ben, he gets Cas back for all of 30 minutes before losing him all over again and never being able to repair that relationship. But he keeps the trenchcoat. Fishes it out of the lake, bundles it up, and keeps it in the back of every single car that he and Sam drive that year.
Dean doesn’t keep mementos. Not of Cassie, not of Jo, Not of Anna, or even Lisa and Ben. No pictures, no items, just memories. You know what he does keep? He keeps his dad’s leather jacket, Bobby’s flask, pictures of he and Sam and his mom. Is keeping the trenchcoat in the back of the car for a year similar to those familial keepsakes? Maybe. But it��s also more than that. It’s covered in blood and lake water, and I’m sure Dean would explain it away that Cas was family and that’s why he kept the coat. Probably even believes that too.
Then we have purgatory.
Dean prays to Cas every night. He could get out of that place just on his own, but he stays there for months in full combat just to look for the angel and get him out with him.
“First we find the angel”
“Cas, we’re gettin’ out of here. We’re going home.”
“Cas, buddy, I need you.”
“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you. Understand?”
“Cas, we’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”
“It’s gonna work. Nobody gets left behind.”
When we meet Benny, Dean’s only other primary male pairing of consequence, he is not trusted. This team-up is one of strategy and a mutual goal only- at least at first. Dean and Benny fight well side by side, but the trust only runs so far. That is, until during one particular fight with leviathans in which Cas nearly bites it, Benny saves the angel’s life. This is the main turning point for Dean’s entire trust in Benny from here on out.
“Benny has never let me down.” Dean says later to Sam. And he never did. He saved Cas, got Dean out of purgatory, and then later on he gets himself sent back to purgatory just so he can help Dean’s brother get out of there.
Dean and Benny’s relationship was “pure” in purgatory. They didn’t have to worry as much about the fact that Benny was a vampire and Dean was a hunter, they were just brothers in arms who earned one another’s trust, respect and love. There’s no way you let a man kill you and send you to purgatory to save his brother if you don’t love him.
Their relationship once they broke out of purgatory is where things began to sour, not because of anything either of them did to the other, but more the space they let grow. Regular Earth was different from purgatory and these men had to go back to their roles and say sayonara. “What happened in purgatory stayed in purgatory” and all that. Benny was a vampire and Dean was a hunter. That kind of thing mattered here despite the fact that they did care for one another.
Dean and Benny’s tumultuous relationship in relation to the people in Dean’s life could be reminiscent of a queer experience in itself. A lack of acceptance from Sam, Bobby, Martin- Dean’s family. Not because of who Benny was, but what he was. Pair this with the already established fact that Amelia and Sam were a direct parallel to Dean and Benny, Season 8 has been one of the most blatantly queer-coded seasons as of yet.
Which brings us to “Goodbye Stranger.” It is established early on this season that Dean feels that there’s something wrong with Cas, something off about him. The fact that they don’t know how he popped out of purgatory is just one part of it. It’s in the way he acts, how spacey he is, the fact that he doesn’t answer Dean’s prayers. “I always come when you call.” Cas once said. And he did. Until now.
This is another aspect of their relationship which is simply there and not spoken about much- similar to their staring and eye communication thing they do. Dean started their relationship unable to read all of Cas’ quirks very well and unsure of the guy. Now, he’s fluent in the language of Cas. He knows by tone of voice, by shiftiness, by his expressions- when something is up. Maybe he started paying more attention after the whole Rafael situation until he could read Cas like the back of his hand, or maybe he just started paying attention just to pay attention.
He’s known something is wrong for months while Cas has been under Naomi’s control. Just the same as years later, he knows something is up when Lucifer is taking a ride in Cas’ body. And he knows in 12x15 just by the way Cas speaks on the phone that something is off with him.
They come upon the angel tablet in the crypt, and Dean does fight back when Cas starts in on him, but he spends even more energy trying to get Cas to come back to him and fight whatever force has him under control. He never once stopped to think that this was just Cas. “This isn’t you! Fight this!” Dean would repeat over and over as Cas beats him nearly to death.
There was a moment he certainly thought that Cas would kill him, and it seemed like he was more bothered by the fact that it was Cas that would do it more so than the thought of dying.
Cas breaks through the mind control, heals Dean. Then he leaves. So, again, Cas leaves. He keeps doing that to Dean. I stated before that Dean’s abandonment issues come into play in this relationship, but unlike at the beginning where Dean saw a future that Cas stays in, this Cas keeps coming and going. This makes it difficult for Dean to trust him fully, to rely on him. But the fact of the matter is that he does still trust him completely, and that’s what bothers Dean.
When Cas does come back again, collapsed and bloody in the middle of the street, Dean puts up a wall. He’s hurt and he’s tired. He doesn’t want to trust him as much as he does and he definitely doesn’t want him to keep coming and going without a thought. (What’s interesting to note here, though, is Dean’s change in character as this occurs through the years. Because while here he may simply give Cas the cold shoulder and not talk much about his hurt in this situation, we see later on in 12x19 after Dean has been fretting for days about where Cas has gone off to, and Cas finally does return, he voices his side of things. “With everything that’s going on, you can’t just go dark like that. We didn’t know what happened to you. We were worried, that’s not okay.”)
Naomi hits the nail on the head when she visits Dean after Castiel disappears and she notices Dean still hasn’t warded the boat against angels. It is moments like these that we realize just how much everyone else around these two also notice their chemistry and their deep devotion to one another, always seeming to fall back to one another.
“I think you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.” - Balthazar S6
“The stench of that impala is all over your overcoat, angel.” - Crowley S6
“Castiel? Oh, he’s not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you.” -Uriel S4
(to Dean) “Go ask him, he was your boyfriend first.” - Meg S7
“I have tiptoed through all your little tulips. Your memories, your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate. I know who you love, what you fear.” - The Empty S13
“And then after a rousing speech, his true weakness is revealed. He’s in love... with humanity.” - Metatron S9
“I’m sorry, did you just say that you lost a Winchester? Because, one, that’s... interesting. And, two, how is it that you lost Dean? I thought the two of you were joined at the... you know, everything.” - Kipling S14
“And for what again? Oh, that’s right, to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you drape yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was about saving one human, right? Well, guess what? He’s dead, too.” - Metatron S9
“Don’t lose it all over one man.” - Hannah S9
“The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell he was lost!” - Hester S7
“Oh, sweet. Almost anything. Castiel? He’s dead. All the way dead. Because of you.” - Miriam S13
“And then you’d kill the angel, Castiel. Now that one, that I suspect would hurt something awful.” - Cain S10
“He should know this- Lucifer, his favorite, isn’t doing so well. Say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel.” - Amara S11
“I’m gonna cure you of your human weakness, the same way I cured my own. By cutting it out.” - Isham S12
Bonus: Dean to Sam about Garth’s baby Castiel- Dean: “This Cas keeps looking at me weird.” Sam: “So kinda like the real Cas.”
It is time and again that opposing forces recognize the relationship between Dean and Castiel, and it’s commented on and used against them frequently.
As we move forward to the angels falling and human Castiel, this season opens up with dean in the hospital with a very ill Sam. The first thing he does before contacting anyone else is pray to Castiel. There’s a moment in 9x03 where Castiel walks into a church and speaks with a woman there. He expresses his lack of faith and she says, “I guess that’s why we pray. You need something stronger than yourself.” Dean never prayed until he started praying to Cas. He prayed to Cas during the apocalypse, in purgatory, when Sam was sick during the trials, now in this hospital. Dean might not have faith in God, but he does in Cas.
Castiel is human, and while Dean tears apart the grid trying to find him while angels are on Cas’ ass, he still watches him die, then has to kick him from the safety of the bunker the very same day. Up until this point, Cas has been a genuine part of their family regardless of their squabbles over the past months, but kicking him from the bunker damages that. Once the reasoning comes to light, however, Cas is forgiving immediately. He’d forgiven Dean even before that. That’s one thing about Cas that Dean never seems to get over either. Dean can get angry and take things out on him, kick him from the bunker, make stupid decisions and nearly kill himself, holler at him, blame him, but Cas comes back every time. He forgives him every time. It’s already overwhelming when Sam does this, but the ease at which Castiel consistently forgives Dean is a lot.
Dean gets the Mark of Cain. It’s a means to an end, he says. When he becomes a demon as a result, this is when his relationship with Crowley is deepened. This relationship is an interesting one because it’s essentially an unrequited example. Dean likes Crowley, and when he’s a demon he has a good time, but Crowley’s feelings appear to go much deeper- even if he tries not to show it.
It is very possible that Dean and Crowley’s relationship is a formation more as a result of a joke than anything else- where the writers are concerned. But whether that was the intention or not, this is a relationship that continues to affect Crowley’s actions towards Dean for the rest of the series. He doesn’t let Dean kill innocents as he’s a demon, he saves Castiel from certain death as his grace drains, he gives Sam the information to find Dean so he can be cured, and he aids in getting the mark removed from Dean even as Sam attempts to kill him in the process. In return, Dean gives Crowley the benefit of the doubt more often, and they share a sort of mutual respect. What differs here, however, from Dean’s relationships with Benny or Castiel, is Dean’s actions. It is clear that Dean doesn’t feel as deeply as Crowley does, so this is an interesting relationship to compare side by side with the others.
Not only this, but DeanxCrowley in these first few episodes can be seen as a parallel with CasxHannah. Two unreciprocated relationships which do not last long in this particular phase, but do result in a friendship within these pairings as time goes on.
Still with the Mark of Cain, Dean and Cain have a few things in common. Cain had said that his wife, Colette, before she died had asked him to stop. Stop the killing. It’s several months after that that Dean is going off the rails and Cas, behind Dean as he’s walking away, asks Dean to stop. He nearly kills Cas then, almost fulfilling Cain’s words just weeks earlier: “And then you’ll kill the angel, Castiel. And that, I suspect, would hurt something awful.” This is a direct romantic parallel written into the show.
When the darkness is released, Amara and Dean are immediately drawn to one another through some sort of connection as a remnant of the mark. This relationship is another interesting one, because it ties in to true desire and consent. Dean is drawn to her, yes, and she is sold as a sort of potential love interest this season, but Dean himself doesn’t want anything to do with her. He’s hypnotized when he’s around her, but as soon as he’s away this energy dissipates.
So in light of this storyline let’s talk about consent and the sexualization of Dean Winchester for a second, shall we?
Dean is an often highly sexualized individual. He plays along more in his younger days, but the older he gets the more frustrated he becomes with the whole situation. I’m sure there are more but here are some tentative examples (This is also something that happens to Sam a decent amount as well.):
Wendy at the psych ward in “Sam, Interrupted” kisses Dean
Pamela touching Dean’s inner thigh in “Lazarus Rising”
Ezra in “Time After Time” kisses Dean without consent
Gets turned into a vampire because he’s “pretty”
Pamela in “Dark Side of the Moon” kisses Dean
Almost becomes a vessel for Sandy’s mate in “The Thing” because she “enjoys looking at his face”
Amara kisses Dean in “O’ Brother Where Art Thou”
Mildred gropes Dean’s leg in “Into the Mystic” and continually makes advances even tho he’s uncomfortable.
Random girl slaps Dean’s ass in “The Last Call”
Ellie in S8 wants to sleep with Dean and even kisses him randomly
Meg kisses Dean as he’s being held against his will in “Sympathy for the Devil”
Granted, there aren’t a plethora of examples, but it’s still a lot and it is interesting to see how often Dean has been sexualized for someone else’s pleasure. It is bound to work into his characterization as well, and his sense of self-worth. He’s often described as the pretty one of the brothers, and seeing as he is the more promiscuous of the two, it is assumed that he welcomes all of or most of the attention that comes his way.
It is for this reason in particular that the situation with Amara is bothersome to me. Not only is Dean taken advantage of physically, but his mind is essentially hypnotized whenever she is near, not giving him total control over his actions or desires. Amara is in part meant to be sold as a romantic interest, but throughout the season Dean continually expresses his discontent. He’s even ashamed to admit these feelings to Sam and Cas, even though he knows it isn’t his fault he still feels responsible. (Which, if we think about it, this is could be a queer allegory too. The lack of choice, feeling shame, etc.)
What is notable, however, is the day that they attempt to capture Lucifer and speak to Cas to get him to expel Lucifer from his body. Amara makes a surprise appearance and captures Lucifer/Cas herself. Dean yells to Cas. This catches Amara’s attention and appears to confuse her, and even Lucifer, seeing as when Dean is around her he’s meant to have eyes for just her because of their “bond”. His link to Castiel appears to be stronger, however.
Amara uses this connection between Cas and Dean when she wishes to contact Dean, simply by placing her hand over Castiel’s heart. She says to Dean, “If you should cross paths, if (god) should reach out to you, he should know this - Lucifer, his favorite, isn’t doing so well. Say nothing of the vessel, your friend Castiel.”
If we backtrack a moment, Dean finding out that Castiel is possessed in the first place is a very emotional time for Dean. He doesn’t want to accept that Cas would make such a decision, put himself in that kind of danger, and choose to leave once again. Sam, the arguably more rational thinker at this current time, tries to rationalize that Cas may not come back willingly since he chose to let Lucifer in. “Not possible.” Dean says. It’s simply not possible that Cas doesn’t want to come back to them. It’s not something he can accept.
The next several episodes are begun with Dean either losing sleep trying to figure out what to do about Cas, or simply moping about. Sam has to comfort him each time. This is notable behavior as well, because Dean isn’t often one to wear his heart on his sleeve this frequently. Certainly he has his moments, but much of the time when he’s distressed he simply buries it all down and puts up a front. He doesn’t do that here. In fact, once they do begin to put together a plan with Crowley, Sam thinks they should still utilize Lucifer in the fight against Amara but thinks it’s foolish to move him into a new vessel.
((I actually counted up the mopey Dean scenes- between finding out Cas is possessed, to getting Cas back.))
There are four convos with Sam (multiple episodes) where Sam has to comfort Dean and say something along the lines of “we’ll get him back.” (Just as an aside, I don’t think there has ever been a scene in the series where Dean comforted Sam about Cas, it’s always Sam having to comfort a freaking out Dean)
Then, of course, there’s the scene where Dean comforts a victim and she says “I watched the man I love die. There’s no normal after that.”
There’s the “It’s not an ‘it,’ Sam. It’s Cas.” scene.
There’s Dean trying to get through to Cas when they capture Lucifer.
There’s the Dean yelling “Cas?” to Casifer when Amara is in the room.
There’s two more scenes where Sam comforts Dean again.
There’s “The Chitters” episode with the gay hunter couple. (This isn’t a direct relation, but more of an honorable mention because it seems abstractly relevant)
Amara connecting to Dean through Cas’ heart.
Dean freaking out about making it to Cas in time and again talking to Sam about it.
Dean asking “what about Cas?” as they’re planning the attack with God against Amara.
Someone has said once that you can tell that Dean is in love with Cas because Sam isn’t. It’s in moments like this that this becomes readily apparent. Yes, Sam cares about Cas, of course. But it’s just different than the way that Dean cares about Cas. When Dean cares about certain people, this love weaves into the very fabric of his being and he just feels it so completely and overwhelmingly, he can’t simply not fight for it.
“Dean, it’s a strong vessel, it’s held Cas for years, and we know what he’s been through.” Sam says.
“It? It’s not an ‘it,’ Sam. It’s Cas.”
Dean appears almost shocked that these words would pass through Sam’s mouth. He’s confused that Sam wouldn’t fight for Cas just as much as Dean would. The type of love they each have for the angel is just different. Visually, action-wise, reaction-wise. This conversation in “Hell’s Angel” highlights that.
You know what else highlights it? The fact that when they do trap Lucifer, it’s only Dean who gets through to Cas and talks to him to get him to come back and expel Lucifer. It’s Cas only seeking Dean’s forgiveness in S7 when putting the souls back in Purgatory. It’s Dean in S6 being the only one to defend Cas in “The Man Who Would Be King.” It’s Dean later in that same episode being the one to get through to Cas in the circle of holy fire. It’s “I did it, all of it, for you.” It’s Dean carrying around that trenchcoat for a year and mourning when Sam doesn’t. It’s Bobby checking in on Dean mourning Cas, but doesn’t check in with Sam about it. It’s Sam pulling Dean out of the apocalypse world in season 12 as Dean screams for Cas and physically fights against Sam to get to Cas. It’s Sam seeing Cas dead on the ground minutes later, but still able to walk away while Dean is frozen in place, frozen in shock. It’s Dean being the only one to wrap up Cas’ dead body. It’s Sam always having to reassure Dean that Cas is probably fine, whenever he goes missing for a little while. It’s Dean hardly able to function in S13 with this encompassing grief over Cas’ death and yelling “It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t.” It’s S15 when Rowena tells Dean and Cas to fix their quarrel before it’s too late, and later Dean in purgatory not sure of it is too late as he’s praying for Cas to be okay and crying against a tree.
Sam’s reactions are important to take into account. Sam cares, yes, but Cas isn’t as wholly encompassing in his life as he is in Dean’s. If anything else is to prove that, it’s the way that Dean grieves (I mean, if you were to put Sam in Dean’s place in 15x09 in Purgatory and their fight, there’s no way that Sam would react this extremely).
There are three different points to highlight Dean’s grief. The first is season 7 with the trenchcoat, which we’ve already talked about. The second is when Cas is possessed by Lucifer, which we have covered as well. The most damning, however, is Dean’s season 13 grief arc following Cas’ death. Dean also loses his mother during this time and a few other friends, but considering how he reacts when Cas comes back, a great amount of this grief has to do with Cas. Dean completely loses hope and faith in anything at all during this time. He hates Jack for giving Cas false hope and getting him killed. He doesn’t believe in their mission anymore. He doesn’t believe anything matters at all. “Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.” Dean admits to Sam. When Cas comes back from the dead, however, he pulls a complete 180. He has hope again. He has faith. And all of it begins with Cas.
Lastly, Dean never hooks up with anyone again after Castiel’s final resurrection. We can go through an outline of the steady decline of Dean’s hookups and relations outside of Cas as the decade goes, but during this three year window specifically, Dean’s only pairing is Cas. Sure, he might flirt with someone every now and again, but this never goes anywhere. (Arguably the person he flirts with the most in any episode in these final three seasons is Daphne, but idk if that even counts much considering she is a cartoon.) And as Pamela says once in Rocky’s bar: “Besides, you don’t want me. You just like to flirt. I’m psychic so I kinda know.” And that was just in Dean’s head anyways so it’s probably even more true than had Pamela actually said it herself.
When Jack comes in the picture in season 13, and Castiel comes back from the dead, this makeshift little family is formed. All three men act as father figures to this half-angel kid at different capacities, and amongst this dynamic another is formed a bit further between Dean and Cas. They’ve already been acting a bit as an old married couple in recent years (Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets, anyone?) but this co-parenting scenario they’ve found themselves in has solidified this dynamic all the more as they collaborate on the issues that arise with Jack. In “Lebanon” when John Winchester comes back for a brief period, John even says to Dean that he’d hoped he would get a family someday and get out of hunting and such. Dean replies, “I have a family.” Sam, Cas, and Jack are his family. Cas has been family for a long time, but here and now Dean just isn’t looking for anything else or anything normal. He’s happy with himself and the people he’s surrounded by. He’s not looking for anything else or anyone else.
For a change of perspective, let’s check out Castiel’s relationships over the years.
Unlike Dean, Castiel’s queerness and interest in Dean has been officially canonized. We can speculate all we want on the legitimacy of Dean’s love for Cas, but we can speak in certainties about Castiel. Castiel is in love with Dean Winchester. Speculation can come in when we consider, just how long has this love existed for him? Let’s start from the beginning.
Right off the bat when we meet Castiel, he’s a semi-emotionless soldier of heaven who works under strict orders and doesn’t have much free-will. Dean begins to change this. We can see even in their first couple encounters that Castiel is interested in Dean- in what he has to say, intrigue in the fact that Dean talks back to the angels (despite that these angels are unkillable beings and could smite him on the spot), the fact that he’s snarky and brave and questions everything. Where Uriel finds Dean annoying and blasphemous, Castiel finds the back-talk fascinating. Dean’s words impact Cas, and it’s not long before he starts to have doubts about Heaven. Following these orders blindly and unquestioningly starts to seem foolish when Dean puts things in a different perspective.
Even after Cas undergoes what some have funnily dubbed “conversion therapy” in “The Rapture” (when Cas had finally decided on going against Heaven and to help Dean stop the apocalypse) it’s still not enough to stop him completely. A bit more time with Dean and he’s convinced yet again to help this one human man stop the apocalypse with his brother. He even dies for him and this new mission of his.
Castiel throughout this first season is interesting because we see firsthand his struggle to understand beginning to feel emotions and accept thinking for himself. “For the first time, I feel...” He says to Anna. He wants her to tell him what to do. He wants orders because that’s all he knows, and he doesn’t understand why suddenly he cares. It hurts him to send Dean in to torture Alastair. It hurts him even later when in the beautiful room Dean dismisses him with a “What do you care, you’re already dead. We’re done.”
It’s possible that in these first several months, or even these first couple seasons, that Castiel follows Dean around and does as he asks because he’s allotted Dean as the new being he serves. Because serving is what he knows. But it’s also through this that he begins caring more and more. He learns more how to express certain emotions, he learns more about humanity, he learns more about what is important in life and what is worth fighting for. As Cas will admit himself 12 years later, “Ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you.”
We start to see sprinkles of this especially throughout season 5 as Cas begins to come to terms with caring and adopting Dean’s mindset to care. Consider Sam for a moment. He and Cas don’t necessarily get along a lot and mostly just tolerate one another in these early days. However, as we see in “Abandon All Hope” when Castiel is captured by Lucifer, Cas gets visually upset at the concept of Lucifer taking Sam as his vessel. “You are not taking Sam Winchester. I won’t let you.”
Sam and Cas don’t have much of a relationship at this point, but Cas cares because Dean does. In “The Song Remains the Same” not long later, he even refers to Sam as his friend.
By the time S6 rolls around Castiel is in the midst of a civil war in heaven entirely because he has adopted the Winchester’s all encompassing mindset on the importance of free-will. Castiel is making his own choices, and he does everything he can to protect the Winchesters from harm as he does so. He decides not to seek out Dean’s help while he’s raking leaves because Dean had already sacrificed too much in Castiel’s eyes. He raises Sam from perdition because he feels it the right thing to do. He re-sinks the Titanic to keep the boys from being killed by Fate.
Personally, I think Castiel has been slowly falling in love with Dean this entire time, he’s just not aware what this feeling is. But this becomes even more plausible to me when we get Castiel’s perspective in “The Man Who Would Be King.” Cas cares what Bobby and Sam think of him, sure, but all he focuses on is Dean. Dean’s happiness and ensuring he not sacrifice more. Dean’s loyalty even as Cas seems to be guilty. Dean’s words when they capture Cas in holy fire.
The problem is, their relationship this season is also rocky. Cas seems to think that he’s merely a tool at the Winchester’s disposal and not much else. But he doesn’t mind because he cares about them so much, so what do his feelings matter? He sees himself as their protector. Their guardian angel. A role he’s fine with filling regardless of how they feel in return.
But when things get bad, Dean says to him “Next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family. You are like a brother to me. So if I’m asking you not to do something... You’ve gotta trust me, man.” and Cas seems genuinely surprised at this admission. Emotional, even.
As time goes on, Castiel’s actions nearly primarily revolve around Dean
After Cas realizes his error and is sending the purgatory souls back to their place, he tells Dean repeatedly that he’ll find some way to redeem himself to him. That’s the most important thing to him then.
When Cas smites the demons outside of the mental hospital in 7x17, all of his flashes of memories coming back were memories of Dean.
Partially to aid Sam and partially to redeem himself to Dean, Cas takes on Sam’s Hell brain in the asylum and goes crazy.
Cas runs in purgatory to keep the leviathans away from Dean.
Cas breaks out of Naomi’s mind control/brainwashing because of his feelings for Dean.
Let’s talk about that final bullet point for a moment. The Naomi chapter is damning in “Goodbye Stranger.” It isn’t copies of both Sam and Dean that Naomi trains Castiel to kill hundreds upon hundreds of times. No, it’s ONLY clones of Dean.
“What broke the connection?” Dean will ask after Castiel heals him in the crypt and takes control back over his mind. “I don’t know.” Cas will say. It wasn’t the angel tablet. That may have unwound the last of Naomi’s control over him, yes, but he’d dropped that angel blade before that. It was Dean that broke that connection. Even if this remains unsaid, it doesn’t make it any less true. Maybe Castiel starts to have an understanding of what his feelings are and what they mean here, but he won’t be truly sure until he soon becomes human.
Before we get there, though, we’ll take a brief pause to explore Cas’ heterosexual explorations and connections.
First is Meg. Cas’ relationship with Meg is born of sexual exploration more than anything else at its conception. He’d just been watching porn in his downtime and when Meg kisses him, he goes with it enthusiastically. Later, he seems to have a certain infatuation with her in his “crazy” state, and seems to trust her perhaps simply because she had been watching over him in the institution.
This is interesting because in his “crazy” state, Cas is a lot more raw and unfiltered and optimistic than he ever has been before. He compliments her, is concerned with her safety, and trusts her. On the contrary, with Dean, Cas is a lot more hesitant and even fearful when talking about certain subjects with him because of his past failings. He tries to keep the peace without directly getting involved because his direct involvement in the past had failed them all so spectacularly.
He and Meg continue to have a sort of connection whenever they cross paths until her demise the next season, and he still holds a respect for her years later, continuing to use her nickname for him “Clarence” as an alias at various times.
When Castiel becomes human in S9, he’s a bit lost and overwhelmed. April takes him in for the night. Although this is a short-lived romance considering she tortures and kills him the next day, for a brief enough time Cas starts to become acquainted with human romance and sexual desire. He loses his virginity to her. It is estimated by some that this is merely sexual experimentation on the part of a very confused newly human Cas, and others have used this to say that Cas is not gay but pan or bi. The conclusion in any regard, in my opinion, is purely up to the viewer.
If I’m to offer my opinion, however, seeing as he has shown interest in both sexes, though remains unlabeled, I consider him simply an unlabeled queer person. Sexual identity and orientation has never seemed to matter much to Castiel, so I don’t see why it should matter to me. He loves who he loves, simple as that.
When we get to Hannah, she provides an interesting foil to Castiel for a time, and an emphasizing expression on just how much he’s changed since his introduction to Earth and the Winchesters. Where Castiel has been open to a plethora of new emotions and experiences through the years which have made him a bit more human than angel at times, Hannah is still new to humanity and the range and movement of emotions that come with it. Just how little she seems to understand proves how much Castiel has grown and does understand by comparison.
As such, he seems to pick up on the fact that Hannah has an attachment to him that appears to be forming into a romantic or sexual interest. He gently turns her down multiple times, not expressing interest in her behavior although he does respect her greatly as a person. Though this relationship isn’t considered romantic from Castiel’s perspective, its unrequited nature again is a good parallel to Dean and Crowley’s relationship at this same time. Angel x Angel and Demon x Demon. Both one sided.
Now, let’s get back to Dean.
Up to the point that Castiel turns human, for however brief a time, he finally gets a look behind the curtain of human emotion. Now, we all know that Cas is in love with Dean already here- and probably has been for some time. Years, even- but it’s my personal belief that during this time turning human is when he actually realizes it and understands where these emotions come from.
Maybe it’s the heartbreak of Dean kicking him from the bunker, maybe it’s seeing Dean again when he shows up in line at the Gas n Sip, or maybe it’s somewhere in between when he sees two people on the street looking at each other and realizes “oh, that’s love. I know what that is. I felt that, too.” And every moment from then on he realizes what that feeling was in his chest when he looked at Dean for a little too long, or why it hurt so much to see the pain in Dean’s eyes at something Cas had done, or why hearing Dean’s prayers to him just felt different than they did with Sam’s. Why everything that he’d done since he rebelled from heaven was in the name of doing the right thing, muddled alongside doing the right thing for Dean. Caring because of Dean. Caring for Dean.
It’s during this time when he realizes what these feelings are, that he also must come to terms with the fact that they’re unreciprocated (or as he believes, anyway). This is for two reasons. The first, he still believes at this time that Dean kicked him from the bunker just because. And the second, if there’s anything that Cas took to heart from Dean’s example as strongly as the concept of free-will, it’s self-loathing. He doesn’t see himself worthy of love. Dean doesn’t see himself worthy of love either. They’re both messy piles of self-loathing that breeds into a blindness to the depth of care they hold for one another.
Now that we’re on the topic of self-loathing, this leads into Castiel and his decision to become Lucifer’s vessel in season 11. Much like Dean, Cas has a consistent issue with seeing his own personal self-worth, so when the opportunity comes along to “be of service to the fight” and become Lucifer’s vessel, he takes it on easily. He considers himself expendable, and he won’t see just how much Dean struggles with this fact while he’s possessed. In fact, Cas never knows just how much Dean struggles with his absence at all, which is just one of the many divides between the two of them that could easily be resolved with communication, if either were ever good at that.
Once Lucifer is shoved from Cas’ body, however, Dean makes a point to let Cas know just how important he is in his life. He’s said Cas was family before, but that was before the falling out at the end of season 6. Dean makes it clear that he and Sam both consider Cas family, once again, during a ride in Baby. “You’re our brother, Cas. I want you to know that.”
Now, here, simultaneous heartbreak and love occur. Because while Cas is likely very much in love with Dean here, and very much aware of it, to hear that Dean simply thinks of him as a brother must ache a bit. However, we’re also talking about Dean Winchester, and for him to call someone a brother is an immense depth of love, probably the most the man is even capable of. Dean never says the words “I love you” to anyone, so this is about the closest anyone could get. Cas knows this, he’s well-versed in the ways of Dean Winchester by now. So, while it aches, his heart is also full.
Comparable to:
“We need you, Cas. I need you.” 8x17
“We’re gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.” 8x05
“Don’t make me lose you, too.” 7x23
“Don’t do anything stupid”
The entire purgatory confession/apology prayer in 15x09
Cas returns this love just hours later, offering to go with Dean to die taking out Amara.
If we jump forward to the divorce arc of season 14-15, we can hit upon the next great heartbreak of Castiel’s sad little love life. While the Winchester brothers, Castiel, and Jack have all become a family unit, Castiel never wants to lose that. But two things happen. First, Cas’ deal with The Empty is made, and somewhere along the line, silently, he becomes aware that allowing himself to be happy, and that happiness, somehow involves Dean. The second thing that happens is Jack kills Mary Winchester, and Dean says Castiel is dead to him.
So, The Empty won’t take him, but his family is broken apart. Castiel never gives up on a single family member, though. That’s the thing about Cas. The same way he consistently forgives Dean for all his behaviors over the years, he never loses faith in anyone in this family. And when they come to reunite, he’s happy simply in appreciating any and all time they have together, however brief.
Then, in true Castiel fashion, he sacrifices himself for Dean Winchester in 15x18.
Their relationship has always left things unsaid, but I don’t think there’s ever been a question on whether Dean loves Cas or Cas loves Dean even if they don’t talk about it. You can’t look at Cas and Dean’s faces seeing each other again for the first time in weeks at the end of “The Last Call” and say that there wasn’t love and heartbreak there. On some level I think that Cas knew that Dean loved him back, but Dean was so buried in trauma at that point that it might take him years more to realize what he actually felt and what he needed. But Cas is such a selfless lover that he was absolutely 100% fine with just being around Dean for the rest of his life, even if he never got a chance to tell him how much he genuinely cared for him, and never got that reciprocation back. Castiel’s love for Dean is so pure and selfless it’s overwhelming to even consider, but for someone like Dean it would be a hundred times harder to accept or even fathom someone caring about him as much as Cas does.
So Castiel never pushes Dean further, never suggests, barely even touches him. The only liberties Cas takes are small touches to heal him (even though he doesn’t need to touch a person to heal them), a few small hugs through the years, just sharing comfortable space inside the impala, small moments watching Dean’s favorite movies with him, or sharing a moment over beers in the kitchen. And Cas’ happiness was in telling Dean how much he loved him likely because then maybe Dean would actually see how much he was worth. Cas wanted Dean to know how much he loved him and how he viewed him, because Dean deserved to love himself and was worthy of it.
The five types of love languages are as follows:
Words of affirmation
Physical touch
Gift giving
Acts of Service
Quality Time
One of the reasons Dean and Cas miss the mark with one another so often could simply come down to love languages. A lot of the time, what a person needs in love language is often what they also give. I don’t think this is the case where these two are concerned, though. They’re both so sacrificial that it’s difficult for them to accept this in return, even though this is what they each offer to the other and anyone else around them.
Both Cas and Dean’s giving love language is “acts of service” which translates into sacrificial actions much of the time, though it can also be more domestic than that as well. It’s Dean grabbing an extra beer for Cas or making food, or it’s Cas healing Dean without any prompting, Cas loading up on pie and beer at the Gas n Sip when Dean’s mad at him.
What they each need, however, is different. Dean needs “quality time.” He needs his people close, he needs them to answer calls, and he needs to know where they are. This clearly ties in to his abandonment issues, and it hurts his relationship with Cas significantly when the angel just keeps leaving, or disappears without answering his phone for days at a time. And when he dies, obviously. He always comes back, though. And half the time when he’s gone it’s because he’s trying to get a win for Dean against whatever issue the team is facing at the time.
What Cas needs, best I can tell, is “words of affirmation.” Cas has a consistent problem with thinking that he’s worth less than he is, and is less important to the people around him than he is. Dean obviously has this issue, too, but with Cas it’s somehow infinitely worse, if that’s even possible. Frequently, what he needs to get him going in low points is a few words from Dean or encouragement in general. To name a few:
“Maybe to fix it.” 7x17
“I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” 7x23, Cas then goes with Dean to find and kill Dick Roman
“I’m not leaving here without you.” S8 in purgatory when Cas wanted Dean to leave him behind but Dean was having none of it.
“You’re our brother, Cas.” 11x23, after Cas was possessed by Lucifer and thought he was expendable.
Over time, Dean does get a bit more vocal with Cas about issues he’s having or just with encouraging words as well. Cas, too, sticks around a lot more. They’re not perfect but they do begin to grow and work with one another in these later years to give one another what they need most to see how much the other is loved.
In conclusion, there is a significant amount of romance and sexuality written into this show, and simply interpreted as well. And that’s the thing, when a queer person says that they interpreted a certain piece of media as queer, it’s not up to someone else to say that they can’t, or shouldn’t, or that they’re interpreting something wrong. That’s the thing about media, it can have so many different interpretations and meanings to so many different people.
It’s my personal interpretation to see the queerness embedded in the text here. Maybe it’s not there for another person, and that’s cool too, just don’t tell me how I should see it. The fact is that it was written into the show to be interpreted, and interpret is what we did.
I’d love to hear any feedback that others may have regarding this. Any other theories, different interpretations, things I may have missed. I hope you enjoy the edits, and the endings I put together for them. We all need a little bit of happiness after that ending, so I hope it leaves you with a lighter heart. :)
Much love,
Taylor
#Destiel#deancas#deanwinchester#Castiel#gay angel#bisexuality#gay#lgbtq#supernatural#spn#Destiel mastercut#bi dean#bidean#bidean mastercut#bisexual dean Winchester#gay Castiel#pansexual Castiel#sexuality in supernatural#romance in supernatural#I swear I’m not crazy with these lengthy edits#working on this project is helping me keep busy while tending to my sobriety#took a darn long time but it was therapeutic to edit#it’s true this project is partially born of spite tho#I thought of it after samanthas tweets the day after the wedding and started downloading the episodes that same day#benny lafitte#lisa braeden#spn tiktok#summerania#can you tell that season 11 is my favorite season#destiel wedding
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Feminism in ACOTAR
(This is a bit long so bare with me)
As a politics student and general member of the public who's curious about feminist themes, I've read a lot of feminist writings which have informed my opinion in saying that none of the acotar books can be described as feminist.
I've noticed that the big motivator behind describing the books as feminist is feyres appointment of High lady. Though that may be pivotal in prythian history, we cant ignore the fact that it is still a fairly patriachal society. Having a few women in places of power like mor, amren, feyre etc. Is not enough because women don't grow up on an island and are also influenced by patriachal views or mindsets. In short, just because someone is a woman and is in a position of power, doesnt mean that they will cater to the needs of women or are feminist. Women, especially white women(this is important because sjms writes white feminism) have often gotten into positions of power and actually ignored women and done the same that their male predecessors have done and often threw other women under the bus in order to retain their tokenism status. And the main flaw of white feminism which is the reason why it coined the term 'white feminism' is that it doesnt encompass all the intersectionalities that women reside in and only focus on a western model of what it means to be a woman and anything outside of that is backward and 'barbaric. We see this in the judgement and disregarding of POC's experiences and outlooks on life because they are different to theirs. There are more than enough examples of the white women in the series judging the illyrians which are seen by the fandom as POC's and how they maliciously drag their customs through the mud. Instead of getting these views from illyrian women themselves, we get them from white women who arent connected to that culture whatsoever and who have nothing to say except judgement and critique instead of actually helping.
We see this with the white characters views of illyrian cultures and their conclusion of the condition of women without even having a single conversation with illyrian women. Illyrian women in this set up have no agency and no voice and that leaves the women of the IC to speak for them which is counterproductive. This is wrong in that many western cultures have misinterpreted different cultures and ignored the women in those societies as being disenfranchised and have used this as an excuse to invade and colonize under the guise of liberating women when in actual fact they dont care about the women at all, and are only concerned in reaping the benefits of that culture and keeping them under their control. An example of this is rhys ignoring the treatment of illyrian women but reaping the benefit of having illyrians fight in his wars.
Feyre as high lady
It's unfair to judge feyres actions as high lady as yet because we've barely seen her act, but from the little that we know, she follows Rhys' every action and decision without question. And rhys hasn't done anything for the improvement of women's position socially or economically at all (we all know the state of the illyrian camps) in all the 500 yrs he's been high lord. Apart from Rhys, the inner circle has 2 women in the highest leadership positions and even they havent done anything and have even ignored the plight of women under their jurisdiction, (mor with Hewn city) I dont even think amren cares about anything besides her jewels tbh. So it's fair to assume that feyre will follow in those very footsteps. She already has biased and low views on the illyrians and people who reside in hewn city to the point where she participates in the 'pimp and whore' act that she puts on t deal with them. And we've never seen her speak to illyrian women so to her their voices and autonomy dont matter.
Male feminism in the IC
The only male who can be seen as being feminist in the series is Cassian because aside from simply declaring that wing clipping is illegal, he actually does the ground work to ensure it doesn't happen by offering the women to train with him. Though this is a weak cure for the issues the women face in Illyria, it's a start and far more work than anything the other characters have done in the name of women empowerment.
Another so called feminist figure in the series is rhysand. Why he's described as such defeats me, but I'll go through some points to prove that hes nothing of the sort.
1. He created a library for sexual assault survivors.
Though this is a nice effort, it can't be described as feminism because he doesnt extend the same courtesy to the other women in his territory and is only concerned with women in Velaris. Supporting women who worship you isnt feminism isnt feminism either and we know that the entirety of Velaris see the IC as blameless gods. Based on mors history, its obvious that the women in hewn city are suffering just as much if not more but hes forsaken them to live under mors parents/abusers rule. And creating a safe house for sexual assault survivors isnt as much feminism as it is human decency. Especially considering how much money hes got.
2. Banning illyrian wing clipping
Wing clipping is still a pandemic in the illyrian camps meaning that he didnt put enough provisions to ensure that it stops. Passing a law and ensuring that it is followed are two different things and rhys clearly dowsnt know the distinction. An additional point regarding illyrian women is that it was mentioned in acofas that they were joining the men in rebelling, and if that doesnt say anything about their feelings with him being high lord and how he doesnt cater to them, then I dont know what does. This also speaks to the point of the assumption that women of color dont have agency in their own societies. He said something like the men 'manipulated' the women into joining their rebellion, which insinuates that they can't think for themselves and are completely voiceless and this is a factor of whit feminism, the belief that WOC colour cant speak for themselves and are meek and susetable to being controlled or manipulated. It is a huge possibility that the women can't really express their opinions because they are suppressed by their men, however we dont see rhys interacting with any women and getting their opinion on things. He assumes that they are forced into everything and though we havent gotten the book yet I'm gonna say this is false. The reason being if rhys was such a good high lord and cared for women's issues, why would the women side with their 'abusive' men instead of their so called benevolent high lord?
3. Rhys appointed women in his IC
First of all, appointing women based on merit and qualifications is feminism, not appointing family members and you underaged bride just because 'you love her'. Though mor and amren may be qualified, and that's a massive 'maybe', they haven't done anything to improve the lives of women. Like their high lord they are complacent and Hewn city and illyria are more than enough to prove this. What rhys has essentially done is nepotism and corruption and no one can convince me otherwise.
Going further on the inner circle women, rhys was willing to sacrifice these very women to achieve his goal and this is self serving and anti feminist. The first being abusing feyre UTM and then using her as bait for the attor, then later making a deal with eris even though he knows his history with mor. If anyone believes that these actions are remotely feminist or excusable, then feminism is not for you and need help because its abusive and patriachal.
In conclusion rhys isnt feminist, mor isnt feminist, amren isnt feminist, feyre isnt feminist, azriel isnt even in the conversation and cassian is the only one scratching the surface. Also, white feminism is an exclusive and limited way to portray and execute feminism, women getting leadership positions based on their proximity to men just advances the false notion that women can only succeed if they 'sleep' their way to the top and just because a woman is in a leadership space, thag doesnt make that state of affairs inherently feminist because women are also carriers of patriarchy.
I tried to sum up my points but for more on white feminism, feminist intersectionalites and how being female doesnt make a person feminist, I advice you read Bell Hooks' writings because she touches on these topics in far better ways than I can.
#acotar#acowar#acomaf#anti inner circle#anti rhysand#anti feyre#my take on feminism#stop caling female representation feminism#anti sjm#sjm critical
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Close to you - Azula x fem!reader
SUMMARY: When you visit Azula to help her wind down for the evening, she begins to wonder why you’re so affectionate towards her
WORD COUNT: 1.2K
WARNINGS: a lot of non-sexual touching? Kissing but like its not a lot tbh. Soft azula? Mentions of a lonely childhood? Also I didn’t proof read this HAHAHA
A/N: look imma be real honest,, the reader makes azula soft as fuck and if you want 100% on brand azula- this probably aint it for you oopS but looK I couldn’t help it!! She deserves the sweet lovin
Warm, orange tones of the steady fire lamps illuminate Azula’s face, and in this moment, she looks nothing short of peaceful. The sun has long set, and as she prepares to finally conclude her day, you can’t help but admire how beautiful she looks from your place at the doorway of her unnecessarily spacious room. She knows you’re there, of course; she knows you better than anyone, and you made it no secret as she heard the door softly click shut.
Your feet softly pad on the chilled floor, making your way to your love. She looks down at her lap, trying to look casual as she stalls her routine, which she could have easily had the servants rush through by now. Yet then again she wouldn’t have it any other way since she’s been ordering them to leave as soon as they finish washing her for the past four months. It’s the smallest of movements, but you can’t resist but smile fondly as she scoots forward on her oversized vanity stool for you to take your place behind her.
Adjusting your legs so that they’re on either side of her waist, you wrap them around her slightly so that she is closer to you, but not so close that its awkward or in the way. Making eye contact through the mirror before the both of you, you place a kiss to the side of her head before nodding softly. This prompts her to hand you the brush you’ve become quite accustomed to holding, soon beginning to through her long hair. To Azula, nothing feels more perfect than this. The warmth radiating from your body behind hers feels more like home than any other form of fire she’s ever experienced.
This isolated moment in her day is oh so precious as you slowly bring the brush from the top of her scalp down to its perfectly trimmed ends. It relaxes her unlike anything else. All of the pressure and subtle nudges to push her further than any other normal person alive simply washes away. To any unknowing onlooker, the current scene depicts everything but a usually pretentious princess and her love. The scene is nothing more than domestic bliss.
Finishing up the last section of her hair, you pass the brush back to her to be placed back on the vanity. Weaving your arms securely around her waist, you pull her back closer towards you. The closer proximity allowing you to place a kiss on her left shoulder before resting your chin upon it. Finding yourself comfortable, you move your gaze towards her bare face. Despite being as beautiful as ever, you know something has squeezed its way into her mind as her eyebrows come together in thought.
“What’s on your mind, love?”
Clearing her throat, she shakes her head. “It’s nothing.”
You sigh, “hmm... I’m sure it’s anything but nothing.”
Taking your left hand, you move the hair that’s made its way in front of her face to behind her ear before caressing her cheek. Briefly closing her eyes, she casts her gaze towards her lap.
“W- why are you so affectionate towards me?”
Eyebrows raising in surprise you’re unsure if you should be completely honest straight away or ease her into it. “Hmm… well, I suppose it’s because I’ve always been affectionate. I’ve always thought my love language might be physical touch.”
Unamused by your efforts to dim the truthfulness of your answer, she gives you a pointed look. “In all my years of knowing you y/n, not once have you been remotely as affectionate towards others as you have been towards me. So, you can either tell me the truth or I think it’s best we sleep separately tonight.”
Lips briefly coming together in a tight line, you nod, understanding that it’s best to tell her. She deserves honesty.
“The short answer is, I love you.”
Mouth hanging open ever so slightly at your confession, you continue, not allowing her to question it. “Growing up, I always seemed to be quite observant since I never had much courage to go out and interact with everyone like you did. Even after we became acquainted at the Academy, I never came out of my shell unless I was alone with someone. Clearly, you still remember. Anyway… what I’m getting at is, Zula, every day you walked into that Academy I noticed how different everyone treated you. Sure, it was understandable since you were the Princess, and they were terrified of hurting you in any way. But it broke my heart watching you arrive every single day and not get a hug or a kiss goodbye from anyone. Not even a sincere goodbye or letting you know they’ll miss you.”
Pausing for a moment, you take in how she’s processing all of this information. You’re unsure of how she feels about this. Her face is relaxed and neutral, yet you can’t help but feel slightly afraid that she thinks everything you’re saying is ridiculous. As a moment goes by and she still hasn’t said a word, you continue, unable to handle the tension that is starting to encompass the room.
“I- I… just couldn’t understand how anyone could possibly deserve to be treated like that Zula!” Breath hitching, you try to hold back a small sob. Reliving how heartbreaking it felt watching her have to go through that every single day tore you up inside.
“No one deserves that, so I promised myself. I promised that if you’d let me, I’d make up for everything and always be close to you. I’d hold you, even if it was just my pinkie locked with yours. I’d tell you how much I appreciate you. How I’ll miss you, even if you leave for just a day. I’d do all of it… Although, while I tend to do it more so out of love for you now, I still don’t want you to ever experience those things again.”
Squeezing your eyes shut, you release your arms from around her waist to wipe away a few tears that are now making their way down your face. Yet before you’re able to do so, you feel her long, slender, fingers grasp around your wrists. Snapping your eyes open in surprise, Azula’s heart swells as she takes in your tear-filled eyes.
“It’s okay,” she whispers. “I love you.”
Overcome with emotion, despite being for different reasons, more silent tears fall. Leaning forward, Azula gently presses her lips to your fallen tears. “Don’t cry, my love.”
Leaning back, she takes the initiative to be physically closer to you, caressing your face in both of her hands. “I appreciate everything you do for me, more than anything.”
Breaking out a smile, you wrap your arms around her waist once again before pressing your lips softly against hers. Azula freezes for a moment, surprised, despite your tender approach. Both of your thoughts and worries dissipate as she allows herself to completely fall into the mind-reeling kiss. Melting into each other’s warmth, your bodies to rest against one another even further than they already were.
Soon, after a few moments, you pull away gently for some air, but only just enough to still rest your forehead against hers. With her cheeks flushed, Azula can’t help but smile. Her heart pounding in her chest, overjoyed in this moment with you. It felt like everything was right in the world. “With you y/n, I’ll never feel lonely again.”
a/n: thank you so much for reading!! i hope you liked it hehe - this was my first time writing azula so was kinda nervous tbh so hopefully it wasn’t crap lmaO - anywho! feel free to lmk what you think! hehe
tags: @kaylove12 @simpinforsukka @lozzybowe @firelordazulaaaa
my masterlist: here!
#azula#azula x reader#azula x fem! reader#azula x you#azula x y/n#princess azula#azula imagine#azula fic#atla#atla azula#avatar the last airbender#azula fluff#azula angst
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Hey I saw your prompt list thing and almost died, could you write something one day about prompt 3, Emily reassuring jj. I didn’t realise how much I needed that in my life until I saw that.
“You’re not hurting me, you’re not heavy. I’ve got you, love.”
tw: mentions of ptsd, anxiety, violence
It happens in a matter of seconds.
One moment, Emily has her head on JJ’s lap, content with the warmth she provides and how easily her fingers glides through her hair. Dull nails lightly scrap against her scalp and she leans further into the feeling. The lamp on the table beside them gives off a muted golden glow, making even the room feel warm even if both of them are in sweaters and sweatpants.
The next, the room goes black from a sudden and spontaneous power outage.
Emily’s eyes fly open and look up, not because of the sudden loss of light, but because of the soft, surprised gasp that escapes the blonde’s lips. Her fingers still in place, her body rigid and tense from her nerves. Her eyes are glazed, wide with panic as they dart frantically around the room.
The brunette sits herself upright beside her wife immediately, forcing herself to keep her hands at her side—she knows better than to reach out for JJ without consent (it always does more harm than good, so she stays put even if it pains her to do so). “JJ?”
Blue eyes dart quickly around the room, a sliver of pink tongue darts from her mouth to wet her lips as her heart beats increase. Her chest is starting to rise and fall rapidly, her body is already wracking with horrible tremors and she can’t find herself focusing on anything but the smell of mildew and gunpowder, blood and sweat. She squeezes her eyes shut, placing her hands firmly over her eara because all she can fucking hear is the grunt of pain that comes from her friend every time their captor finds some new way to torture him...
“JJ, can I touch you?”
Emily’s voice is muffled by the noises JJ knows, knows, aren’t there but she can hear them so vividly: the clanking of chains, the clamboring of boots against a concrete floor, water dripping, the strong, crackled zap of electricity as it shoots out between the two metal rods crudely attached to the car battery. The realistic memories are so real they throw any sense of rationality she has out the fucking window.
And her body, god, her body hurts. Her side spazms (whether it’s voluntary or not, she can’t focus enough to tell), the skin feels hot and... Her stomach coils harshly as she gags— god she can swear she smells her own flesh burning.
Her breathing hiccups, her throat constricts painfully as tears squeeze from her eyes. Through the haze, she just barely hears Emily repeat her question and gives a single, jerky nod. Her hands clasp tightly into the older woman’s, the soft clicking of their wedding bands hitting together offering her some semblance of balance, something that tethers her to reality. Emily’s thumb rubs slow, soft moving circles on the backs of her hands, distracting her from the awful memories. “What can I do to help?”
It takes a lot of effort for JJ to swallow, and even so, it hurts like she’s trying to get down a ball of lead from her throat. She opens and closes her mouth, unsure of how to respond, can’t even think clearly enough to form a rational response. Her eyes squeeze shut once more, a soft, scared whimper crawling its way from her chest. “It hurts,” she croaks through tears as if it’s enough to encompass everything she’s feeling. Her tone is clipped and sharp, laced heavily with the frustration she feels at herself, at being unable to decipher what’s real and what’s all just in her head.
Emily’s fingers squeeze her own firmly. “I know,” she whispers soothingly. “I know.”
JJ nods numbly, stiffly. The validation makes her relax ever so slightly and makes her feel less insane. She forces herself to focus on Emily, on every part of her (her voice, her proximity, the feeling of her breath just ghosting over her cheek, her scent), and slowly the memories feel less intense.
She leans tiredly into the older woman’s frame, using her steady heartbeats to count with in her own head.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, and repeat.
Slowly, her breaths start to sync up to the rhythm and she’s left trembling in her wife’s arms.
Emily’s warmth is a jarring contrast from the cold visions, her body soft and gentle, so unlike the hard concrete ground and oh-so-real echoed pains of her past torments. “Where are you?”
A thick, hard swallow echoes into the room as JJ’s breath hitches. “Home,” she timidly responds, the end of her voice rising as if she’s unsure. The more rational part of her mind screams at her— where else would she be?
But everything feels so real. If she weren’t pressed up against the older woman, she swears the room feels cold, that she’s back in that warehouse hanging from rusted metal chains that dig into her wrist.
“That’s right,” Emily confirms gently. “You’re in DC in our home,” she clarifies just as softly.
“You’re real?” It comes out so soft, so timidly that she barely hears it. But JJ’s looking at her warily, as if she’s unsure of even that.
There’s a gentle pressure on the blonde’s wrist as the brunette moves her hand and gives it a squeeze. “I’m real. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
The room is silent for a brief moment, JJ’s shaking, steadying breaths filling the room with some noise. Her nails dig into the back of Emily’s hands as she stuffs her head firmly into the crook of her neck in attempts to control the tremors that wrack her small body. “Sing to me?” she finally croaks.
The older woman barely reacts to the request, moving her hand to stroke through long strands of blonde. She nudges her wife’s head with the side of her nose, her lips brushing against her forehead softly as she softly starts to sing. She wants to give JJ as many points of contact as possible, if only to reassure her that she’s real and that she’s not in danger. “Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn how to fly...”
Emily’s voice is soft and light, soothing JJ’s nerves significantly, especially at the choice of song. No one else but her wife would have picked that song. It reminds her what’s real, tethers her back to reality. The brunette’s chest rumbles steadily from her voice below the blonde’s cheek and she nuzzles further into it. Each passing verse Emily sings makes JJ feel lighter, safer.
(Tired, she adds to herself, eyelids feeling heavy. It’s been a while since she’s had an attack this bad.)
She blinks harshly when Emily sings the last line of the song, accurately aware of the sharp, cool breeze that blows across her body. Her head lifts and she blinks again in confusion when she accesses her surroundings: the cool grass tickles her ankles, the sounds of cicadas and crickets rings out and the moon shines brightly above them, casting them in a cool blue glow.
The older woman presses a lingering kiss to her wife’s temple. “I didn’t want you to feel like you were trapped,” is the quiet explination she offers and JJ accepts it with a simple nod. She crawls from the brunette’s lap and lays her head up on her thighs, staring up at the stars. Her heart rate is practically back to normal, and while her hands still tremble, she feels relaxed as Emily begins to run her fingers once more though her hair once more.
“There’s Orion,” she murmurs softly, her own line of sight up at the night sky littered in stars. She lifts a hand from JJ’s hair to point in the direction of the constellation.
The blonde hums softly, eyes following her wife’s finger before they dart off to the side. She licks her lips, pointing slightly off to the side of the brightest star in the sky. ”Big Dipper,” she murmurs before chewing her bottom lip in between her teeth.
Her eyes burn with tears, stomach coiling with guilt. Emily didn’t ask for this— she shouldn’t have had to deal with anxiety and panic attacks that weren’t her own. JJ knows it’s just as draining on her as it is on herself. She feels awful. She had ruined one of the few nights they had off all over a power outage. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t do that,” Emily chides softy, returning both her hands to her wife’s hair. “Don’t do that to yourself. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
JJ sniffs harshly, shaking her head once. “I do,” she insists on a broken whisper. “I just— I don’t...”
She’s cut off by one of the softest kisses Emily has ever given her, gently cupping her face between her palms. The blonde shivers at the contact, tears spilling at the overwhelming feeling of love she feels pouring out of her wife at the gesture. A soft sob leaves her mouth and Emily’s thumb gently strokes her cheek, pressing their foreheads together firmly.
“Don’t ever apologize for something that’s out of your control,” the brunette murmurs soothingly.
“I ruined the night,” JJ croaks timidly.
Emily’s eyes meet her’s, their fingers tangling together naturally. “You could never.” She presses a tender kiss to her cheek. “I rather you be okay over anything. That’s what matters to me. Your safety and well-being matters to me.”
The blonde’s breath shudders out as their palms press flush together. “I’ve got you,” Emily murmurs genuinely. “Through sickness and in health. I will walk beside you through whatever our lives may bring,” she recites with a soft smile, brushing the few tears from her wife’s face.
JJ’s shoulders slump at her wife’s words, her own hand coming up to curl at the hair at the base of the brunette’s neck. “I love you,” she murmurs thickly. “I love you so much.”
Their kiss is soft, but full of so much love and passion it makes them both dizzy. Emily gently grips her wife’s hip, propping herself up on her elbow in the grass. It feels so much like their kiss that sealed together their union, full of the promise of forever.
“Can we stay out here?” JJ asks through kisses, pulling back to press a few along Emily’s jawline, so unwilling to pull her mouth away from her wife but her need for oxygen becoming to much to ignore. She really doesn’t care what they do for the rest of the night— all she wants to do is spend it in the arms of the love of her life. But spending that time cuddled in the grass of their backyard while staring up at the stars sounded too perfect.
Emily presses a small kiss to her nose. “Anything for you.”
#criminal minds#emily prentiss#jennifer jareau#jemily#emily x jj#jemily angst#jj x emily#i’m so dumb lmaoooo#hey op i’m sorry i didn’t follow the prompt i hope this is okay tho#nI THOUGHT IT MEANT HEAVY AS IN MENTALLY NOT PHYSICALLY#I’M SCREAMING#WHY AM I LIKE THIS#WELL#ENJOY THIS THING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PROMPT#IT OULD HAVE BEEN FLUFFY#IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN FLUFFY#BUT I WENT AND SAID ‘hmm this sounds like sometging someone would say after a breakdown’ AND NOW THS#FUCK I’M SO MAD AT MYSELF
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