#i feel like im going to forget all the vocabulary i learned. i only know about 240 words more or less.
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#periodical life updates#*lays in bed solemnly with my hands clasped like a corpse to be buried* so tomorrow im going to a deaf event for my asl class.#im very nervous since i can't even get through conversations in english right so idk how i'll do with a language i only know the basics of#im still pretty terrible at receptive interpreting. i already know i can't read signs from my classmates.#i see their hands move and i can't comprehend it even when they sign it again and again. oughh. wish i didnt have forgetting disorder.#i feel like im going to forget all the vocabulary i learned. i only know about 240 words more or less.#i know the people will likely be nice and hopefully be patient and i can write things down if i need to communicate but WAUHGH.#listen. i embarrassed myself in front of a coffeeshop employee because i didn't know how to order a drink and just left immediately.#and that was IN ENGLISH. i cant have normal conversations already!! FCK!!! WAUGHH!!#oughh. it'll be ok. gonna try my best and if i fck up then i simply run away into the ocean and am never to be seen again.#VERY SCARED!! okay that is all GOODBYE.
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you’re frustrated because you’re struggling to learn Korean - txt
a/n: hello! I thought this post would be a little relatable bc I’m struggling rn with Japanese (but not bc of a man 😋). So much kanji to remember and so many words that they just all mush together. I love the language but it is testing my patience and my memory rn :( please enjoy this and lemme know if y’all speak other languages :) it’s cool to know im not the only one struggling with a trilingual brain🥰 requests are open as usual (no pics belong to me! Found on Pinterest)
yeonjun
It was actually his idea to teach you Korean, starting with basic stuff such as phrases at the convenience store and at coffee shops. He knew it would help when you had to go out places on your own. You’re on the phone with him after he’s hyped you up and refreshed some phrases for ordering coffee. You finally are up to order and while your pronunciation has been good, you mispronounce a word and your face goes red. You apologize to the cashier who was very understanding and helped you say the word correctly. You paid and thanked them for their kindness. Yeonjun heart could burst at how the cashier was patient with you and how you tried your best and finally said the word right. “Oh my goodness! You did amazing! Next time you’re ordering coffee for the both of us.”
soobin
As the days went by, he could see your passion for learning his language was dwindling. You were struggling with your conjugation skills and he was just trying his best to help you learn and eventually practice. You both are sitting at the kitchen table, with your textbook in front of you (giving flashbacks to elementary math homework). He’s giving you example of conjugations your currently learning and how to used them. It’s starts to all mush up and you can’t figure it out or focus. You start to cry into your hands. He pulls you close to him, “don’t be sad. I promise that you’re gonna learn really soon. I believe in you.” That’s all it took for you to keep trying. He also promised he’d take you for a melona pop if you tried a few more conjugations (I love melona I’m so sorry 🤤…melon and banana are the best flavors not sorry)
beomgyu
homie is so serious and you get mad at him because of that. he’s teaching you silly phrases and on one occasion, he purposely teaches you the wrong phrase. So, you’re out at lunch with his members and you try the phrase on yeonjun and he looks so confused. “Did you just call me dumb?” Your face is furiously red and you run off, crying. Your frustration sets in. Why would be do this to me? He comes after you after giving you some time to cool down. “Baby? I’m so sorry. I didn’t think that would make you so upset. I promise I won’t do it anymore. We’re gonna get serious I swear.” He lures you out by telling you he’s gonna start teaching you from a really good Tex ok that was recommended to him. He also explains to yeonjun what happened and yeonjun gives him an earful as well, taking you side.
taehyun
he actually is a really good person to help teach you. He has the patience of a saint when teaching you grammar. If you’ve attempted Korean, you know how challenging grammar can be to understand. Let’s say you’re out at a restaurant and try to order your own food..you make a mistake and the waiter is looking at you like huh? You start to feel embarrassed but taehyun explains you’re still learning and has you try it again. When you get it right this time, he smiled and the waited smiled as well. The pride he feels when he can see your improvement is like no other. “You did such a good job, honey. Tell you what, how about we get some ice cream after? You deserve a little treat.”
huening kai
I feel like he’d be very empathetic and understanding towards your struggle. He speaks many languages too and understands how frustrating when something isn’t sticking or when you forget words or grammar. For example, you’re at home and you’re both working on vocabulary. you messed up a few words in a row and start to feel discouraged. His best tool to keep you motivated to learn was tell you he was proud of you. He would always encourage you the best he could, “you’re for this bub! I’m so proud of you! I’m gonna keep helping you until you’ve got this :)”
#txt x reader#txt imagines#txt fluff#txt headcanons#txt reactions#ari.speaks<3#txt smau#txt fake texts#beomgyu x reader#txt texts#taehyun x reader#yeonjun x reader#soobin x reader#huening kai x reader
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I wanna hear your musing about how monolingual people write multilingual! I think it’d be really interesting. I’m monolingual myself but I’m trying to be fluent in another one.
oh hi!
so. let me preface this by saying that i will be speaking mostly from my experience and about bi-/multilingual people who speak languages from different language groups (so if someone for example speaks two or more slavic languages since childhood my musings probably won't be applicable)
there are different types of multilingual people (wow really? that's a shocker).
some learn multiple languages as children in the way a native speaker would, and they speak the languages without a foreign accent. if they stop using one of the languages they will forget some vocabulary but won't suddenly develop an accent and lose the "feel" of the language (like the thing where you hear something and you know it sounds wrong grammatically).
some (and this is the majority) learn the second language as a second language, so they need to learn all the rules and grammar explicitly. they will have a foreign accent if they don't work on their pronunciation really hard and they probably will still have an accent that doesn't sound natural. (i will be talking about this kind of bilinguals mostly)
now we come to switching between languages. some are easier to switch between and some are harder, it all comes down to how and where you make the sounds in your mouth. i don't have a good way of explaining it, but from what i understand it's kind of similar to vocal placement when you learn to sing?
like when i speak german, the sound seems like it's in the front of my mouth, and in russian it's more in the middle/back and closer to the throat. as i said, i can't really explain it. (p.s. it also affects the voice so in german my voice seems higher than in russian idk)
this leads me to switching languages. it's not exactly hard to switch between them, but im often too lazy and won't if i don't need to, so it is really funny for me to see characters say one (1) word in their native language and then switch to english. like my man. my guy. why
on the subject of the one word in your native language, pet names. yes, it is almost a tradition in fics (and maybe published works but i don't read that, so idk), but it doesn't make me ask any less questions.
like. if i wanted to call my s/o something cute, i would call them that in a language they understand. if they asked me to call them russian pet names i would cringe really hard ask why (because in fiction (and my s/o is incredibly fictional), the use of foreign words often comes from fetishization/omg look how exotic).
okay im tired of rambling sorry that was so long. now something that may be useful for writers if they want to write more realistic bilinguals!
when the usage of a native language is realistic (in my opinion!):
— just talking to yourself
— cursing. english has no interesting cursing options
— forgetting a word in english and saying it in your native language followed by an unintelligible ramble about how you could ever forget such a dumb word
(and more because i can't think rn. just not "only pet names in native language". please. for the love of god)
other stuff:
— using the grammar of your native language when speaking a foreign one
— translating proverbs from your native language literally and then going ah. that may not be an english thing
— forgetting a word in every language that you know. ten times as frustrating as forgetting it in one language
etc.
if even half of what i wrote makes sense i will be surprised xoxo
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welps, since i got a little skrunkling in form of ararycan, lets talk about him. i hope it'll be a short one. (spoiler: no)
also to those who bumped onto my post in their or someone else's dash somehow: english is not my first language. so be ready for numerous "memories" and "forget" cuz my vocabulary is thin just like that. and some other weirdness of course.
first of all, i hate the dottore clone theory with every single cell in my body, and i want you to know that if you like it i dont care, so neither should you care about me hating it. im only speaking opinion here.
and also this is rather my headcanon just not to stay alongside with the mystery while theres a dottore theory around. i honestly dont believe in dottore theory, but i still cant prove it wrong properly due to lack of info, and that annoys me. but this headcanon doesnt attempt to debunk the theory somehow, these are just two completely different things not worth comparing.
but rlly, did anyone on that planet at least once look at ararycan's leaves more than once? cuz it feels like no one knows what is the form of the pattern. the theory followers say these are circles, on my plush these are rounded diamons. wtf dear fellow folks.
the headcanon is trying to explain ararycan's memory loss, as there is no information about this in the game. traveler and paimon just decide that "welp, aranara are forgetful sometimes" though its not really true, but its really odd of them to leave us on this cliffhanger. i once said that aranara never forget stuff unless they meet some certain condition. i didnt explain that well last time so lemme speak a word (although its gonna be long i fear, so once again, the orange text is not necessary)
in the beginning we were given with the idea that aranara dont forget anything, or at least dont forget anything as easily as we do. this was really the very first fact i learned about them since i found messily written notes very soon after i began my first walkthrough of aranyaka (funfact: in russian localization its not clear who is the author of these if you only see the first set of it, and i definitely remember that i was not able to read the next page at a place, so i bet i found it even before meeting arama in the very first time. i also found it in the second time only after completing the entire questline so imagine my face at that moment), and author of the notes says that he doesnt forget things easily, but still decides to make records because its fun to do. basically saying that these lads dont ever need to record things up cuz they remember it all by themselves.
then, during the part where we help guys in mawtiyima forest, we were told about the inscriptions on the walls. aragaru says that these are made only for humans, because aranara will not forget, while people have all the possibility to. all the other inscriptions on walls, if we keep the spoken idea in mind, are clearly made for humans as well. the only weirdness in this part is inscriptions in old vanarana, cuz the only one who needs these during the quest is arama, and its not really clear who these were written to in the first place. but we still cant say these were definitely written for aranara, or maybe i need to research more.
the events of agnihatora sutra and vimana agama are the ones that made people think that aranara are forgetful. the second one is the mystery we are trying to solve in this article, but the first one told you everything you need, but its absolutely understandable if you didnt get it in the first time (neither did i if u wonder). in agnihatora sutra the three are aware that the thing theyre going to commit is gonna make them forget everything, so they were hinting it for us carefully, yet not saying directly that they will forget us. in the very end of this questline they tell us about the sacrifice they're going to commit, and that sacrifice is actually their memories, even though its not shown on screen, unlike the sacrifice of arana's memories to get the bija. that is why we were later told that these guys dont emember us while everyone else do.
also there's the fact araja troubles to remember the events of the past, but this dude actually grew into a tree, and just like i said in the cinnamon arama article, that might be the reason of his memory loss. araja also didnt forget everything that he had expirienced before he became a tree, as sometimes he still recalls to some things as his own memories.
after all, aranara gain actual power with memories and it would be weird if you'd randomly forget stuff and lose yo power just like that. they cherish memories more than anything, either these are good or bad, and the idea of forgetting is terrifying to them (the most memorable to me was the moment when arama complained about alcohol cuz it makes people forget stuff. paimon said that sometimes there are things people want to forget, but arama was still negative about that). well, actually there is a thing they cherish more. this thing is called "friendship", and the idea is that even if you forget something, there will be friends who'll remind you, so thats why they are more dear to aranara, even more than the memories. this is as well the idea of "the forest will remember" thing, cuz aranara are friends to all the plants, animals, some humans and each other, so theres just no possibility for the entire forest (all of these things) to forget something. but that still doesnt remove the importance of memories cuz these are power and these are memories, it'll take a lot of time to gain them back, so losing them is only worth when its absolutely necessary. also remember that stories and memories are not the same, so just summarizing things up to someone wont work.
and that concludes my orange explaination, now back to vimana agama mystery!!!!
so my take is that ararycan mustve sacrificed his memories for something. if we'll try to recreate the chronological order of the events of the past, we'll see that aralohita, who possibly was some sort of a buddy to ararycan, disappears after ararycan lost his memories. or if he lost part of them, its possible that aralohita disappeared prior to that. both versions explain why ararycan still remembers the solution to aralohita's riddles.
ararycan once says that he was the one who brought the ruin golem part into the secret cave, but for now he doesnt seem to be as strong, he rather acts like a very brave weakling. as we know, aranara gain power with memories, so no wonder ararycan is a weakling now, not remembering everything. but still, his awareness about some things looking familiar makes me think that he might have lost part of his memories, but how come?
we know that ararycan most likely was the third one alongside royinjan and amadhiah in the past, so all the vamadhas, including the one that was sealing the secret base, most likely were set after the childhood of the two, which means that might happened not too long ago. that might line up with a fact that pir kavikavus accident happened around the same time, because vamadhas were obviously set for reason. i recall ararycan saying that vamadhas are set when aranara dont want nara to enter some certain places, but says that he doesnt know who set these. so i think that actually could be ararycan, but since he lost his memories, no wonder he doesnt remember about it. and so uh, setting these could be resulted in memory loss as it might take some power. he probably did know that amiti device might be used for no good by some foes, so vamadhas are only set in places that either have amiti device fragments in them or places related to it somehow (and nowhere else, by the way, so vamadha is for sure some kind of ararakalari that both ararycan and aralohita used to wield). we can see the direct memory loss from using ararakalari in case of arama, when the one hit one of ruin guards really hard and returned back to goofy. we dont know how the memories amount needed to do some action is measured, but if we connect the dots, it all seems possible.
the only question left is why the heck did ararycan move the detail into the cave and the answer is i dont know. it was def moved before the cave was sealed since roy (seemingly) confirms this place not changing at all since he was a kid, and probably even before the kids found this cave because otherwise someone said something like "dude, i recall this place empty, but then somehow this huge detail appeared here, no clue how tho i dont remember". but why did ararycan move it there is forever a mystery it seems, unless aralohita is confirmed to be his accompany most of the time and prolly found alive ofc. aralohita might say something about it in that case, unless he forgot everything as well. but its all just my silly wishes.
also arama, while summarizing the places we shall visit, says that ararycan may know something about the sus person we were looking for. ararycan later confirms he used to help kids in vimara village cuz arana asked him, but thats all he says, none of details were thrown after that. his wording that marana avatar is capable of the trouble feels weird, but marana avatar to aranara is many things, not only the actual marana avatar, so he could be calling fatui like that. i now think that ararycan could possibly help us with finding out who the sus person is but for whatever reason it was cut down by his own troubling.
and i know that at this moment it feels like im just coping but idc. once again, my speculations have nothing to do with the dottore clone theory, its just a thing im rather comfortable with. fact of the day: dottore is my least favorite character in the entire genshin impact (among some that are somehow major) and i'll be quite disappointed if my precious ararycan turns out to be his clone or creation or whatever. i wont argue with it, i'll only throw, tear and murder.
and that concludes my tractate. it took me the whole day to put in words and i feel empty rn, especially since i dont know many words, and if you ever ask me why am i speaking english if i could just use my first language - none of your business. if u ask me why i made this tractate - none of your business. till the next time.
#genshin#genshin fanart#genshin impact#aranara#ararycan#i dont even know if i shall actually mention everyone else whos involved#i guess no cuz its not important to those who will search by tags#imagine you search up dottore and end up bumping into this#oops i already included the dottore word so it'll be indicated in the search results#congratulations to those who found it like that#thoughts
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was this chapter happier? yes. did I cry anyway? no shit.
“It’s deserved, even, all this burning, if he were to be finally honest with himself, and he doesn’t flinch when the fiery water hits his face.” well, i hope it’s not a projection this time cause mike in this chapter reminds me of.. myself during my depressive episode🧍🏻♀️it’s my turn to self-project
“I’m not doing this anymore. I can’t.” i don’t think i said it last time but bc see mikes pov i kinda forget that will canonically is/was in love with mike. and he was trying to push his feelings away during this 4 years. maybe even longer.
“Max steps forward to violently punch Mike in the arm” love that max didn’t hug him. not her style at all
““Seize the day,” Dustin claims, and opens the door, the winter air creeping in.” did dustin become fan if dps or he just learn latin phrases for fun?
“All he has is a bare basement and a sinking feeling in his stomach. He feels vaguely sick.” just stopped to say it’s beautiful
“It stings when he confesses, “I miss you.”” well that was the first time i crying reading this chapter
“When Will returns, he has a styrofoam cup in his hands. “Here.”” he’s clearly hurt but that shows that he still cares and will care about mike no matter what. idk does it make sense?
“Will is almost quieter when he says, “I missed you, too.”” and that where i cried for the second time. i have a thing for “i miss u” ig
“There is, unfortunately, no Steve Harrington behind the counter to sneak them into the movies” i hope steve got real adult job
“Staying in Hawkins for a little before I figured out where I want to go next sounded pretty nice” oh i see where it’s coming
“Loved, he thinks, loved, appreciated, wished –“ “wished” hits HARD
““Of course, I did,” Mike says, not having checked behind the television. “On an unrelated note, I’ll be right back.”” this one made me giggle. but more cause of the thought that they’re coming back to their little bubble, starting to feel comfortable enough to joke around. and it’s happening naturally and pretty fast
““It’s so different down here,” Lucas notes” ok, somehow ive been waiting to tell my thoughts about basement till this moment. i.. don’t think empty walls r bad thing. i think it’s like the omen of the new beginnings? yeah, my old basement was cool but it’s time to make new memories. happier. without the burden of the past. it’s like rediscovering the place u used to visit exclusively with the people u don’t talk now.
““I enlightened him!” Dustin claims, sitting opposite of her, and El snorts beside Mike.” well dustin stays the party member with the best taste 😀
one last thing i wanted to say about this chapter is that ur style has changed. diffidently in a good way. i’ve mentioned one sentence that i like but tbh.. i could choose any of them and that would be true. and i had to check vocabulary more often
oh no 😭 IM SORRY FOR MAKING U CRY ALYA hopefully the next one it is Tears of Joy 🫶🫶
LMAOO if it helps . we can both self project . mom says it's my turn with the self projection
omg that is a Fantastic point bc mike doesn't know !!! at all !!!!!! i tried to make wills frustration obvious for u know . dramatic irony but also that it makes sense for mike even tho he doesn't know the full length of it all 🫡 im so happy u noticed omg
YEYY3A OMG i am so glad u think so too 😭 i rly couldn't write max hugging him it felt Wrong
HELNGPOY dustin dps fan in this au 🫶 it has no relevancy but idc !
thank u alya ☹️ ily
NOOO no more tears . writing only Happy from now on (🤞 no promises ...)
it does make sense !!!!! it does !!!!!!!!!!!!! they're both hurt but they also Care so much !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
characters admitting they miss each other no matter how much it hurts . it will always get to me too </3
HELEP yes steve and robin rooming together and attending to their Adult Jobs
alya i need u to shut down ur big brain so the final chapter IS A SURPRISE OK
wished !!!!! u get it !!!!!!!!!!
YAYYYYY im so glad u thought it was natural, i was kind of second guessing myself bc it felt like Maybe it's too quick for them to joke again . but whenever i meet up with friends i haven't seen in months or even years it is always so easy to slip back to who we used to be, you know ?
"it's like rediscovering" alya u absolute angel . my graham cracker . my vanilla latte . u get it U Get It oh my god it's alll about change !!!! and it doesn't always have to be bad !!!!!!!!!!
U LIKE PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA ????? FIRST THE FRIES AND MILSKSGKES 😭😭 ALYA WHY
im so flattered u think so !!!! i think i definitely took a different tone to this fic and im rly happy u noticed :] it means the world to me and im always so happy whenever u drop by my askbox with a Huge commentary like this 🫶 it means the world to me ive reread this like . nine times !!!!!!
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study buddies :: cc!multiple x reader
fluff , platonic , gender neutral ! some headcanons if the mcyts were trying to help you do hw :D
cc’s included in order: tommyinnit , tubbo , ranboo , wilbur soot , philza , technoblade
tommyinnit
i feel like he’s the type to be in a long discord call with you whilst you both try to finish your work
mans uses the screensharing feature like there’s no tomorrow
“y/n watch my stream on discord and help me guess the answers”
“tommy no! i haven’t even taken a film class before”
“your guess is good as mine”
“just cheat and google the answers!!!”
“fuck you”
he actually just wants your attention because he’s bored out of his mind doing homework
five minutes later of asking you to help him guess questions he’s like
“hey y/n”
“what now?”
“let’s play bedwars”
“oh my god shut up!!!”
if tommy has to speedrun something before a deadline, it is a whole different story tho; he will be so focused on completing that he won’t hear what you’re saying
if you’re struggling in math, you’re on your own
“math is shit, only numbers i need is my primes and youtube analytics” says tommy any time you complain about math
besides the fact he isn’t good at solving math problems, you can’t even read his handwriting if he did try showing you how to do a problem
“okay, y/n, it’s simple, just look” he says in his kareninnit voice and everything
you’d be like “is the variable a G or a 9??”
“fuck you that’s a 4!!!”
tubbo
i don’t know if tubbo ever talked about school before but something about him makes me think he’s actually pretty good at math
like he can explain a few things when it comes to math / algebra
CODING GO BRRRR
no geometry or calculus though, anything past algebra will go bad
if tubbo is doing homework with you, he will definitely tune you out
“hey tubbo can you help me on this question?”
you don’t get a response until like 20 minutes later
“oh yeah, what was it y/n?”
like now you answer? i just got the answer myself after so long, forget you smh
“oh nothing tubbo, nevermind!”
but you’re still grumbling in your head because if he answered just a bit earlier you wouldn’t have gone through the work of finding the answer online
i can also imagine if you’re taking chemistry tubbo is like ;
“oh you’re taking chemistry? let’s make some bombs!” /lh
tubbo would definitely pull an all-nighter with you to finish your projects together
if you had a group project, he would make you do the writing part while he does the drawing part
“we definitely aced this project”
“of course we did, if i made you draw we would’ve ended up with stick figure diagrams”
“TUBBO. THE FUCK?”
ranboo
okay i know ranboo said he isn’t a theatre or band kid (unless im wrong and forgetful) but i feel like he’d be somewhat educated in the topics nonetheless
half the time he’s great moral support, helping you stay motivated !
the other half is him making fun of you
“i cant believe you’re failing, that is so sad, can’t be me”
“it’s literally an honors class, ranboo! it’s supposed to be hard!!”
“taking an honors class willingly? also cant be me AHAHA”
i honestly can’t see ranboo going to school like i know he’s a minor and said he had zoom calls before and plays volleyball but like did i miss something? has he dropped out yet? like something about ranboo does not scream “student” /lh
besides that, i’m not sure what subject he would actually be good in,,, but something about nutrition/health sciences,, he knows a few things
don’t get me wrong, i don’t think he actually likes the subject but somehow remembers what he learned from the class
also gives me the type of energy of the type of person to take a first aid class to be a certified person to do cpr on someone just to kill time during his lunch breaks for a while or something
“i am a certified cpr person”
“my life in ranboo’s hands? oh god please no”
you two would probably joke about the ‘bad’ people in your classes or talk shit about your schools than actually doing anything homework related ngl AHAHAH
“you think your school is down bad? mine went back to campus full time after like 6 months into quarantine because they were running out of money”
“what the hell y/n? your school is a scam, drop out”
“arghhhh i knowww”
“i bet i make more money than your teachers combined AHAHAH”
wilbur soot
he doesn’t seem like the best person to ask for help for homework but can info dump you on very specific historical events + a bit of geography
i kinda see him as the person you can ask to proof read an essay for you and would help it improve immensely
who needs a thesaurus when you have vocabulary boy wilbur?
i dunno if it’s an american thing only or at all, but if/when you get to studying hamilton in your english class, he will get so fucking excited
“no wilbur it isn’t fun! imagine listening to lin-manuel miranda rap ‘alexander hamilton’ at the white house from like 2009 on repeat for over an hour whilst trying to write an analysis about it!! it was so distracting”
“well clearly someone has a personal problem with mr lin-manuel. if i were you, i’d be singing the whole thing”
is this last bit personal and complete spite from my freshman year english class? yes. i do not care? no. /hj
unrelated but i actually scribbled nice guy ballad lyrics and other songs on my english scratch papers in freshman year but anyway
probably isn’t the best person to be in a call to do homework with but wilbur doesn’t mind you ringing him occasionally sometimes
i dunno i can just see him easily get bored of the silence or something but also doesn’t want to bother you too much
but he is genuinely proud of you whenever you tell him you aced a big test you were studying for :D
philza
this man’s bad advice is as bad as him trying to help you on any subject
he’s an old man so /hj
but like honestly, he hasn’t been at school for so long, phil can probably only help with the most basic things when it comes to school
if you have a wack teacher that makes you collect data through surveying people, phil would be one of the best people to ask! straightforward and won’t take too much of your time compared to other people ahem,,
statistics things ! sobs
if you ever complain a lot about your classes and contemplating dropping out and stuff, he will def scold you hard
“ugh phillllllllll can i just like,, never go to school again?”
“do not drop out”
“argh fine, i won’t just ‘cause philza minecraft said so”
honestly if you get a high score in a big test like your sats/gcse’s (whatever you’re taking from wherever you are) he’d probably order you a small meal or something to celebrate :D
like how phil bought ranboo bought him food to his house, it would start as a joke but when you get your test scores back he’s like “YOOO GOOD JOB Y/N”
expect a left meat pizza coming to your house .
technoblade
like wilbur, techno is also helpful when it comes to history!
def knows a decent bit of literature too
besides that i don’t really see him being that helpful
even if he was supposed to be an english major
he will just get mad at the school system for teaching you useless things
“being in school is good but why do you need to know how to know if something is a triangle or not? i can obviously see with my eyes that it’s a triangle”
“i dunno! ask the person that made up geometry”
“just look at a kaleidoscope and be over with it, it isn’t that hard”
“that isn’t how it works—”
“bruhhh”
if you’re looking for the person to call while doing homework, he is not the person /lh
it’s either like 0 or 100 with techno
he can just completely not say anything and ignore you or go on a full rant about whatever class or homework you have
if you have an essay you need written, it will take a lot of bribing but he might take the opportunity if you are rich
“techno i’ll paypal you $10 please help me”
“no. i can make 10 times that amount in 5 minutes if i just started streaming right now”
“techno i don’t have that kind of money! pleaseee”
“no. instead of complaining, you can use that time to actually start you work”
“you’re the worst”
then you speedrun the essay and get an A just to spite him
#dream smp imagines#dream smp x reader#dream smp x y/n#dream smp headcanons#sbi imagine#sbi x reader#sbi headcanons#mcyt imagine#mcyt x reader#mcyt x y/n#mcyt x you#mcyt headcanons
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spanish lessons.
Gif credits to the author.
FRANCISCO ‘CATFISH’ MORALES.
TRIPLE FRONTIER | USEFUL LINKS.
❝ words: about 900.
❝ request by @phoenixhalliwell: Hey pal 👋 Thank you for being a willing participant to the Frankie teaching the reader Spanish with a reward system HC. I cant wait to see you do with it 😊💛
❝ a / n: don’t forget to comment and reblog if you liked it, i’d really appreciate it!
Every time you see Frankie talking in Spanish, his face literally brightens as his eyes shine. It isn't common for him to find people who talk in his native language, so you have just heard him speaking to Santi.
Sometimes you've seen some movies and tv shows in that language —for you, unknown, although you know some words and simple sentences.
And you know he misses it, even if he left Chile many years ago.
You have searched to take a course, but they aren't really compatible with your work, so the only option you can see viable is using one of those apps where you can spend the time you want learning and improving, with no pressure.
Duolingo. Everybody talks about it.
Of course, you haven't said anything to your boyfriend, wanting to surprise him. It probably will take you a while, but you'd do anything to see that smile he draws when he speaks in Spanish.
Bit by bit, your vocabulary is more extensive, knowing to identify every single thing around you.
Verb tenses are another story. If when you were in elementary school you thought the English verbs were the most complicated thing in the world, it was because you didn't have Spanish lessons.
As it's normal, you understand it better than you can speak it, get into the habit of watching everything in his language whenever he leaves for a mission during a couple of days. And now, all your music is in Spanish too, which is helping you with pronunciation too.
But when you feel confident enough to say something in his language, you just don't think about it, letting go of the words from your mouth.
“¿Yo puedo tener más café?”
(Can I have more coffee?)
Frankie turns at you blinking confused, believing it has been just his imagination. Sitting at the island kitchen, you have your empty cup raised in your right hand towards him, some steps away from you. Your boyfriend is staring at you in complete silence and you're starting to panic. Have you said something out of place? Has he understood your accent?
Slowly putting down your mug, you grab your phone turning around on your stool, giving him your back. Fastly, you look for the notes app on your phone to check if you have said it correctly. But, when you look up, you find him by your side and his eyes on the screen. You can't help but scream not expecting it, locking your phone before he can really read anything.
“Since when do you spe—? Are you learning español?”
“Uh…” You mumble clearing your throat. “¿Yo puedo tener más café…? ¿Por favor?”
You repeat then scratching your left eyebrow, trying to pretend that your cheeks aren't burning in shame whilst avoiding eye contact with an astounded Frankie. He doesn't reply, coming back to the corner where the coffee maker is, grabbing your mug to pour the drink inside.
“Gracias”.
(Thank you).
“You don't need to say yo at the beginning”.
“Uh?”
“It's enough sayin' puedo tener más café”. He explains offering you back the cup.
“Oh… Oh, okay. I'll write it down”.
Even so, you feel a little bummed because it hasn't had the intended effect. You have been working really hard for the last three months, but you haven't received the smile you were expecting. Puckering your lips in a slightly forced smirk, you take your phone to write his advice, not being capable of looking at Frankie coming closer to you again. He takes off the device from your fingers to leave it on the marble board, leaning forward to press his lips on yours.
This is much better. This is much better than a simple smile.
For some reason, Frankie has taken the habit to kiss you anytime you tell him something in Spanish. A word, an expression, the chorus of a song… He feels proud of you, of the small things you do to make him happy. And it's his way to demonstrate you.
Long conversations are his favorite. He's always looking for an interesting topic, letting you talk for hours and hours while he only hears you enraptured on how good your voice sounds in his language —being a little more honeyed, a little softer. Don't misunderstand him. Frankie loves every single tone of yours, but the Spanish one? That's a higher level.
And he thought that situation couldn't be perfect until he hears you speaking to Santi.
“Para ti, la cerveza más fresca”.
(For you, the coldest beer).
His eyes widen in surprise holding the drink, as you raise both eyebrows nodding with your chin. Until you realize it isn't correct at all.
“Fría. Fría, no fresca. La cerveza más fría”.
“¿Habla español?” He says turning at your boyfriend about to laugh glad of it. “¡Hablas español!”
(She speaks Spanish? You speak Spanish!)
Frankie can't help but kiss you in front of his brother shamelessly, cupping your cheeks on his palms and peppering your lips noisily.
“Espera, ¿qué es eso?” Santi asks frowning funnily.
(Wait, what is that for?)
“Me besa cada vez que digo una frase bien”.
(He kisses me any time I say something correctly).
“No Spanish in my presence”. He fastly demands, taking a sip from his beer while waving his free hand. “I feel like you're gonna have sex if we keep talkin'. And I'm too innocent for that”.
GENERAL TAG LIST: @mayans-sauce @peoniarose @destynelseclipsa @band-psycho @myakai13 @petlaufeyson @-im-fantastic- @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @rocketqueen @rosieposie0624 @ellyseveronica @Jessprins13 @diaryofkali @ravenmoore14 @starrynite7114 @kenbechillin @miahelen @monkeyluver4546 @sheeshgivemeabreak @jadesamhart @rawrlittlepanda-95 @megapeacelovemusic-blog @katsav17 @skits90s @wildsould1221 @littlekittymeow
TRIPLE FRONTIER: @phoenixhalliwell @goldielocks2004 @pedritomando @spideysimpossiblegirl @im-an-adult-ish
frankie morales: @agirllovespancakes
#triple frontier imagine#triple frontier fanfiction#triple frontier#frankie morales fluff#frankie morales#frankie catfish morales#frankie morales x you#frankie morales x reader#francisco catfish morales#francisco morales#francisco 'catfish' morales#francisco catfish morales x reader#francisco catfish morales imagine#pedro pascal imagine#pedro pascal x you#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal x y/n#pedro pascal fluff
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Shdjdjjddjjs okay but, more buff cat hcs when ?? But seriously, i know it probably counts as crack hc but i enjoyed it way to much i cant get it out of my head anymore, i havent laught so much in a while now sjdjchdj. I sure hope the buff cat saga will continue !!
You know what? I’ll give you some buff cat content now. 😤 my school work can wait. And trust me, the buff cat saga WILL continue. I just tend to work on requests first rather than my own wants haha.
I’m really happy you like buff cat! Buff cat is my life now. Constantly haunted by buff cat. Maybe one day I’ll introduce a girlfriend or friends for buff cat too 🤔
Maybe I’ll do a background about buff cat and how they met MC?? And why buff cat is so attached to MC? I don’t know. 👉👈 maybe if someone requests, otherwise I’ll just do whatever I feel like in the moment.
Anyone can also feel free to request any buff cat scenarios!! If not I’ll think of some up. THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY. I WROTE THIS LIKE 1 HOUR OR SOMETHING STRAIGHT AHA.
The boys react to buff cat teaching you
Lucifer
Lucifer had noticed your grades were improving recently, and wanted to take you out to eat for working so hard to both keep up with your class.
When he came to your room, he saw a scene that honestly shouldn’t of surprised him, but did anyways.
You were sitting at your desk, books sprawled across the entire surface area of it. On top of a book pile was buff cat, wearing a pair of glasses, and he was using a pointer to show you important parts you should remember.
He watched in awe as you two never exchanged any words, but you were scribbling down definitions and important notes, while buff cat turned the pages and reviewed your work.
He’s gotten fairly use to buff cat cooking, cleaning, intimidating others, but he has never seen buff cat act like a teacher before, it was sort of new, and he even had a teacher outfit.
He swears that he never sees you buying these outfits, or that people in the devildom actually sell muscular cat clothing.
Buff Cat is the first to break the silence, looking over at Lucifer and positioning his pointer at Lucifer’s head, and then to in front of your desk.
You were still focused on your studying, knowing that you were steadily improving. Buff Cat got out a notepad from one of your desk drawers, and wrote “Leave what you require on this note, I am instructing MC right now, and when we are done tutoring I will give this note to them.”
Lucifer ended up having to take a rain check on taking you out to eat, and learned that your cat has really advanced vocabulary.
Mammon
He was failing the majority of his classes, and ended up asking you for help. You were his best shot, and you seemed to be passing all of your classes with flying colours.
You said you were happy to help him! Except that someone else was actually helping you study. They were a very efficient teacher.
He was relieved to hear that you’d introduce your teacher to him, until he found out it was that fucking demon spawn from hell.
He screeched so hard and ran out of the room, crying like a girl. “aAAAAaaaaAAAH”
Mammon is terrified of buff cat, and now you’re telling him this cat has the intelligence of a genius? You came to the devildom like a few months ago how is this cat tutoring you and making you pass your classes with ease??
He swears your cat is trying to plot for world domination or something. Will NEVER ask you to study with him again.
Leviathan
You walked into Levi’s room trying to find buff cat. It was a Sunday, which was typically a boys night out between them, but it was getting pretty late and you need to study.
There was a test tomorrow on devildom history, and you wanted to review one more time with buff cat, as to make sure you’ll do well on it.
“Mr. Kitty, are you here?” You called out, as soon as you said that Buff Cat paused the game and ran up to you. Levi was slightly annoyed as Buff Cat was beating a hard level for him, but he is your cat above all else.
You smiled as Buff Cat greeted you, and apologised for interrupting them. You explained to Levi how you wanted to review for the test, and if it wasn’t an issue could he spare around 20 minutes?
Levi huffed and agreed and called you a normie, and was about to pick up his switch when your words finally set in.
You put down the book you were carrying and got out a pencil, and took a piece of paper out of the book. You began writing down all of the important stuff on the paper while Buff Cat watched over your shoulder.
When you were finished, he went into the book with you and showed you a couple things you’ve missed or had forgotten, and then got you to write it down three times each as to remember. He even wrote a few essay questions for you which you got.
Levi was impressed. Not only did Buff Cat seem to know the whole devildom history by heart, he knew the exact pages and lines, and even how to write.
He didn’t really care as long as Buff Cat beats the hard level for him. He just considers it to be cool.
Satan
Satan was impressed with your high grades. It must be hard for a human to suddenly learn about a whole new realm, right? So if you had Cs he would understand, but you were getting 97s and 94s.
He understood everything when he started to notice what kind of books Buff Cat had been reading in his room, recently.
You all were having a test on curses soon, and Buff Cat came by his room and began looking for books about curses, and similar ones to what you all had been learning about.
Satan ended up chuckling to himself and found it amusing. It was amazing how your cat even spent his free time coming to someone’s room, finding books for your tests, and reads them before going back to you to help you understand the content.
He likes to get coffee with Buff Cat and talk about the stuff you’re learning in classes, he never directly said it to you, but he helps Buff Cat find specific books when Buff Cat comes over.
Asmodeous
Lucifer decided to punish the house of lamentations by taking away all of their electronics after they did something stupid again. The only way to earn it back, was through getting an 80% or higher on their next test.
You and Asmo suffered because you would normally look up answer during your test, and Asmo had no social media or contact with any of his friends with benefits.
You two weren’t ashamed to beg Buff Cat for help to pass your next test. He was probably the smartest in the house. He goes to Satan’s room almost every day and purchased books when he goes out. Your cat even tutored you when you were in elementary school.
You and Asmo barely needed to convince Buff Cat, as he was ecstatic to help you again. He’d do anything to help you, and was even willing to help Asmo out as well.
Asmo thought that Buff Cat looked REALLY adorable in his teacher’s outfit. A suit, tie, glasses, and his claws were so shiny from their manicure earlier.
Buff cat even slicked his fur back to look like he gel’d his hair. He was a literal fashion icon. Asmo could do some sewing, but nothing to the degree Buff Cat did.
Buff Cat had so many outfits he made himself, and he even did them so quickly. They all turned out perfect. Oh right, this was about studying wasn’t it?
Asmo never really asked questions about why your cat could just be so smart, and more so focused on how cool your cat looked. Priorities.
Beelzebub
Beel and Buff Cat are gym buddies, so naturally they’d walk home together from the gym. Everything was fine until Buff Cat’s MC senses were tingling, and began to walk towards you, crouching down in a store trying to figure out which notebooks to buy.
Beel thought it was pretty cool Buff Cat knew where you were, like how he and Belphie were that close to each other.
Brel asked you what you were doing, and you explained that you wanted to get some new notebooks because your old one is messy and confusing. You just scribbled whatever you could down, and were having a bit of a hard time in class.
Buff Cat immediately perked up, and you two seemed to have a conversation. He meowed and you happily said “I’d love that!”
Apparently, Buff Cat had offered to tutor you. Beel wasn’t so sure how well your cat could teach, though, considering he still is a cat, and offered to help you as well, since he wouldn’t like to see you sad from overworking yourself.
He was scribbling notes alongside with you five minutes into your first session together. Buff Cat wrote such simple explanations, and even prepared notecards ahead of time, Beel forgot he was supposed to teach you.
He is pretty fine with Buff Cat teaching you both, and once again forgets that Buff Cat is a “normal”? cat and not some weird creature that knows the answer to life.
Belphegor
Is really fucking terrified of your buff cat. Like TERRIFIED. So when he sees your cat in a teacher’s outfit sitting at the dinning room table, teaching you math, he was frozen.
He came down to get a glass of milk but what is this. Do you- do you have to do it in the living room?
There is no other reaction than physical fear coursing through his body his adrenaline is at the highest and his fight or flight instincts kick in.
He’s already fought once and that caused Buff Cat to exist in constant Buff form around him, so you can bet he is running.
Probably has a group chat with Mammon and Luke. “Buff Cat Conspiracy”. They talk about how scary buff cat is.
Diavolo
Buff Cat told Diavolo he was the one who helped you study. They were having conversation (buff cat used a notebook) and the topic of your studies came up. He mentioned how he had been helping you study, and understand the terminology in the Devildom better.
He was happy to hear that you understood it, and that it wasn’t too complicated for either of you too.
He actually asks if he can watch your study sessions, to see if he needs to lighten your workload just in case you’re pushing yourself too much.
You two allow him to watch, and he’s giving soft claps and smiles as the two of you give it your best.
Is honestly very happy with how much you two get along, and how you say it’s very simple since Buff Cat explains(meows) it in a very efficient manner.
He already knew Buff Cat was smart, but haha. Maybe he should hire Buff Cat to be a teacher or support class teacher for RAD?
Barbatos
You had grown accustomed to the devildom these past few months, and with Buff Cat with you, you were allowed to freely explore it when you want.
Buff Cat also happens to have a spare key to open the castle when he wishes.
Exam/testing season was coming up, and you knew you couldn’t study at the house of lamentation.
It was very distracting, and so you decided to go to the castle. No one will be screaming there, or trying to convince you your cat is a weird entity trying to plot world domination.
Barbatos was sort of used to seeing Buff Cat come and go as he pleases, but why were you here? Before he could say anything, you told him that you were visiting to study! And that you hope he didn’t mind that Buff Cat was going to tutor you.
Alright, so you’re studying, but why at the castle? You had to explain that it was very distracting at the house of lamentations, and Mammon was trying to convince you to get rid of your cat 24/7.
Ah, he could see that. Your cat isn’t exactly normal, and Mammon does occasionally scream like a girl. I promise I love Mammon. But it’s not like he minded, so long as you two were quiet and actually studied.
He left to clean for a bit, and when he returned to the guest room he saw you wearing a headband, violently writing down and muttering definitions at an insane pace. Buff Cat was in a teacher’s outfit, and holding out flash cards.
He’s slightly taken aback, but doesn’t show it anywhere on his face. He has never seen you so serious before, and neither has he seen Buff Cat so focused on you, as well.
He’s quite proud of you two for your hard work and dedication. He doesn’t interrupt but instead pours you three cups of tea, Buff Cat thanks him, and watches over you two.
Solomon
Solomon invited you over for a study session. He may be a little shady, but he does care for you, as a fellow human.
He was ecstatic to see Buff Cat come with you, because he still wants to dissect your cat.
He was about to talk to you about letting him research you cat, but you made yourself comfortable on his bed, and Buff Cat began to put on glasses and take out a pointer.
He didn’t have anytime to talk beforehand, as you were highlighting certain areas of your book, your cat pointing to certain parts, and you patted the bed beside you for Solomon to join.
Solomon’s plans to dissect your cat are set back another day, but he takes great interest in the way he teaches. Your cat is very methodical about how to remember things, and explains(meows) it rather simply.
He swears that your cat is not a normal human cat, but why can he sense literally zero magic power from it? If only Buff Cat could teach him that.
Solomon also gets 100% on the next test by remembering everything the way Buff Cat had taught you two.
Simeon
Absolutely chaotic man, when he sees you and Buff Cat in a classroom when school was over, he approached you two, and said hello.
You greeted him, and so did Buff Cat. He asked what you were doing after school so late, and that it was dangerous for the two of you. Buff Cat not so much but could still be in danger.
You told him you were studying for the upcoming test, and that Buff Cat was helping you.
Simeon was like!!! 💖👉👈💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥺🥺 could I join?? This sounds so fun!! Buff Cat is so smart!!
He does not question the fact he’s studying with a cat, learning from a cat, or just how nice your cat can write on paper, like perfect handwriting.
He has such chaotic energy that he’s just like you, what a cute cat!
Luke
no.
just no.
he’s fine with your cat but does your cat have to be in buff form when you’re being taught?
he is happy you are getting good grades but please get him away from buff form buff cat.
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RP Meme from Oliver & Company
Now, it's always once upon a time in New York City.
It's a big old bad old tough old town.
Let me have one, please.
Right away, you're making time and making friends
If they pick you out, you're on your way.
Get out there and go and try.
Why does nightfall find you feelin' so alone?
Dreaming is still how the strong survive
Keep your dream alive.
Got to look out and open your eyes,
You're in the fast lane
What's the matter with you? I said get outta here.
I don't eat cats. It's too much fur.
I've been watching you, and I think you're in serious need of some professional guidance.
I'm an expert at these things.
All you gotta do is learn some moves.
This city's got a beat.
When are we gonna get those hot dogs?
I hate to break it to ya, but the dynamic duo is now the dynamic uno.
Our partnership is herewith dissolved.
You're not being fair!
Fairs are for tourists, kid.
Consider it a free lesson in street savoir faire
Hey, wait! I helped you get those! Half of those are mine!
Why should I worry? Why should I care?
I got street savoir faire
You can wear the crown!
Everything goes.
Everything fits.
They love me at the Chelsea, they adore me at the Ritz!
Stop that racket! I'm trying to watch this show.
Shut up, you little rodent.
Come on, let's watch some boxing. I wanna see some action
You think this place is big enough?
What we need is some good quality stuff
Oh, shredded leather.
You insulted my pride! That means death!
It was your turn to get the food today!
You remain our preeminent benefactor.
It was tough. Only I could have done it.
I love a story with food in it.
Enter the opposition.
Gang war! Gang war! Watch out! Here comes a gang war!
Take cover!
It's just a cat.
I followed this dog.
He's lying! He's lying! He's lying! He's lying!
Oh, boy! Dog pile!
Don't let me down!
What do you got?
Let's see what you got.
I was just on my way out.
Actually, I've got something much better than money.
Some luxury items that should make a considerable dent in my debt to you.
Oh, my! You waxed your car, didn't you? Did they use the buffer on it, because I can see myself.
I don't think you grasp the severity of the situation.
Now, I lent you money and I don't see it.
People like you get hurt.
I can't figure out why you'd rather hang around a dump like this when you could be living uptown with a class act like myself.
Isn't it rather dangerous to use one's entire vocabulary in a single sentence?
You bad, man.
Hey, you got something to say to me, fat boy?
Why don't you pick on someone your own size?
Oh, I'm having a bad day!
I like cats. I like to eat 'em.
Your master's calling.
Come on and say it to my face!
How am I ever gonna come up with all that money?
It's hopeless.
That took a lot of guts.
All right. Time for bed. We've got a big day tomorrow.
We've got two days to do or die.
You got a lot to learn. And if you don't learn, you don't eat!
But if you're tough, and always use your head, you'll be right at home, on the street.
When you got talent, everything is free.
You're gonna see how the best survive.
These are streets of gold.
You'll take the town, and you'll take it with style.
You're in charge of electronics.
Hey, but what about me? What do I do?
Ready? Go!
What have I done? Poor thing.
You oughta be ashamed of yourself!
Run along, little fellow. Go on, now. Shoo.
Be a lookout.
I only got one more wire, okay?
Oh, you poor kitty. Here. Let me help you.
Where's the kid?
We can't just take in a stray off the street.
Don't worry, kitty. I'll take care of you.
Your public awaits.
Girl, we've got work to do
Pass me the paint and glue.
Perfect isn't easy
When one knows the world is watching, one does what one must.
See how the breeding shows
Sometimes it's too much for even me!
But when all the world says "Yes", then, who am I to say "no"?
Don't ask a mutt to strut like a showgirl
Perfection becomes me, ne c'est pas?
I'm beauty unleashed!
So classic and classy
They're barking up the wrong tree!
I have your hearts, and you have my pity
Pretty is nice, but still it's just pretty!
I wouldn't go in there if I were you.
What is the meaning of this?
I guess I'll have to handle this myself.
And do you have any idea whose home this is?
Isn't he cute?
What in Heaven's name are we waiting for?
Alas, our beleaguered benefactor bearing the brunt of our futile endeavours.
Cool it!
Our mission begins at daybreak.
I don't hear any practicing.
Oh, you wanna practice too!
We two can be good company.
You and me, just wait and see.
I'll handle that ruffian.
Body slam! Body slam! Oh, come on, you fool! Hit him! Hit him!
Come back here!
Huh, this place looks pretty nice. I mean, how bad off could it be here?
Chagall. Matisse. These are all masterpieces.
Hey, man, if this is torture, chain me to the wall.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down.
Don't come any closer! I knew this would happen one day.
It's not you I'm after.
Not good enough for you?
I mean, do you even know who I am?
GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU LITTLE BUG-EYED CREEP!
Something's not quite right here.
Shh. Quick. Before he comes back. Follow me.
I mean, let's just forget the whole thing.
No, no, you can't do that! You don't understand. The poor dear's so traumatized.
What is going on here?
Hurry. Use the fire escape.
Ooh, I could've danced all night! I could've danced all night!
You were very good.
I was rather good, wasn't I?
You okay, kid?
I have another home now. And someone who loves me.
You're in the gang.
I just wanna go back.
You wanna leave? Fine! There's the door.
You lighten up!
Oh, it's hopeless.
Looks like you're doing all right for yourself
So that's where you've been!
Feel it. That's it. Very good.
This is an airtight plan
I'll even toss in a little extra for your patience.
It's my final offer. Take it or leave it.
I said, push!
No, you don't kill 'im yet.
Did we bring something green and wrinkly to make me happy?
I'm getting your money tonight! It's coming tonight!
Hey, I think there's hope for you yet.
Yeah, you're starting to think big.
It's creepy down here.
I drew a perfectly good map.
A child could read that map.
I didn't do it! I didn't do it! I was framed!
This is a tough neighborhood. You'd better go home.
I came to find my kitty.
You brought a piggy bank.
What kind of a person would steal a poor little kitty?
I'm so scared. I don't know what to do.
I found a little lost kitten.
No! No, wait! You can't do this!
Keep your mouth shut.
Stop! Stop! Time out!
There's gotta be some way in.
Peasants.
Well, it's nice to see that one of you has some manners.
After you, my little croissant
And remember, quiet.
Oh! I broke a nail.
Oh, balderdash.
Freeze!
I don't think you really appreciate the situation. Somebody could get hurt.
You smell that?
It's party time!
Where are those dogs?
I thought I'd never see you again.
What's the occasion? Come to rescue your little friend?
All right! What a woman!
Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to work we go
This has all been very entertaining. But the party is over.
Hey, man, you're ugly!
Aah! Save me!
Hey, get off my back, woman! I'm driving!
All right, anybody want some cake?
Murder him! Twist his arm!
The gifts were great.
We'll start with a bath.
You know, you're not so bad for a bug-eyed little creep.
You come back here this minute!
Tell me why should I care
What a delightful scoundrel.
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hey Lena! non-writing related question but what's your suggestions for learning a language at home. I signed up to take Spanish in school but didn't get it and so I thought I'd learn french at home instead 😅. Any tips on how to start? Where to begin? I only know basic words like colors, animals and basic sentences.
damn. my specialty.
Hi Brianna, that’s like such a good question haha! Alright so I am being taught German at school but I am learning Spanish and French on my own (although they’ve kinda taken a back seat during my a levels) Soooo there’s things i do for all three which can apply here :) p.s sorry this is so long :’)
- Okay, so first Duolingo is amazing if you don’t already have it. It’s probably more useful for beginners but i use it to go back over the basics in German too. It basically takes you through everything from the very very basics. It has you listen, speak, type and click right answers. It has short stories on there for when you hit a certain level, there’s challenges and everything. It’s really good and easy to use.
- Second, I recommend Quizlet. It can actually be used for any subject but I only use it for languages. You can search almost anything on there and it basically comes up with a flashcard pack.
- So for instance, i’m learning about the fall of the Berlin Wall. There’s a lot of vocabulary that comes with that. So i could type in “Der Wende” into Quizlet and it will come up with flashcard packs with words associated with that.
- You can flip through them, answer on one side and questions on the other, and then you can learn them. Basically it’ll ask you to click right answers, type the English, type the French etc - it’s brilliant for vocab!!!
- Another thing is listening to French music (which i do anyway because it’s so nice holy crap) So, type into Spotify (or whatever you use) French music (or soft, or pop, or rock) and find some stuff you like. Even if you don’t understand what they’re saying, you’re still being exposed to the words. And if you want, later, you can look up the lyrics and translation so that when you come back to listen, you know what’s going on. If you want, i can recommend some artists i like :)
- Watch French tv programmes. As of right now, i actually don’t know any. If you were doing Spanish or German i could give you so many but i’m sure if you searched on Netflix or Amazon Prime you can find some. Now watch them with English subtitles - i know it seems like that’s defeating the purpose, but listening to the French and seeing the English really helps with understanding and vocab. Plus, you’re hearing the words which helps with pronunciation andddd often times you’ll learn some slang.
- Watch French kids tv shows. You know how we all used to watch Dora the Explorer orrr Care Bears etc. It’s very simple language and targeted to kids who are actually beginners at their own language, just like you. It’ll be simple and easy to follow :) It may seem ridiculous to watch but it’s actually really helpful.
- Read French kids books. Even if they’re like 10 words a page and filled with pictures, it’s just getting your basic understanding. And as you progress in the language, you can get harder and harder books to read. Essentially you’re starting off the language and a child so you have to cater to that.
- Watch English programmes with French subtitles. I do this all the time. Some tv shows won’t let you but a lot will. It’s just hearing the English and seeing the French which just helps with your vocab and understanding.
- Speak to yourself in French. You know how we all talk to ourselves (don’t deny it). Do it in French. Even if you don’t know all the words in French, the ones you do know, just say them in French. Constantly speaking the language you’re wanting to learn is amazing. It means you aren’t forgetting things and constantly working on your pronunciation.
- Listen to French Podcasts. Okay don’t go looking for really long and political French podcasts that you just won’t understand. Often times there’s gonna be podcasts in French for people who are learning it. These are great to listen to in your spare time or when you’re cleaning your room or something - again don’t worry if you don’t understand it all, it’s just hearing the language and understanding what you know and learning new things.
- Watch/listen/read French news. It doesn’t have to be a 30 minute news program or a 5 page article but doing this in smaller chunks can help. I’m sure if you google, you’ll find articles/videos etc. Again, i’m repeating myself but it helps with your understanding, pronunciation, vocab... and a g a i n - don’t worry if you don’t understand it all.
- Find people who are teaching French on youtube. They’ll go through things and teach you things that may be harder for you to learn on your own. Make sure you’re finding a native French speaker though, they’ll be the best.
- Im not totally sure on french tenses and word genders but i have mine all up on my wall. German is very different but i always write tenses and genders down and stick them on my wall so i never forget. This can work for anything though, it doesn’t have to be tenses etc.
- I do this a lot - Listen to Disney songs in French. This is such a fun way to learn a language. Obviously, it won’t be a direct translation because they’ve gotta change some words to make it rhyme but it’ll be pretty close. You can also look up the direct translation of it and see how close it is to the original.
- and above all, learning a language is not a once a week thing. If you really wanna learn it, you gotta be prepared to do it everyday. I’m not saying that everything i recommended there has to be done everyday, but you gotta put in the effort. When children learn, they learn everyday :)
okay, i hope this helps. If you have any other questions, feel free to come and ask <3
#lena asks#brianna 💗#learning a language#language tips#language apps#language learning#language practice
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6/28 I DID A LOT
WOOH
WOOH
I talked in chinese today! For around a half hour!! AHHHHHHHH
ANYWAY
AHHHHHHH
IM SO HAPPY I WAS UNDERSTANDABLE AHHGGHGSIUSJAJEJDJEEJIE
So first of all I practiced with Google translate today beforehand (lol yes machine translate isn’t perfect). I clicked the app, clicked transcribe, spoke in chinese then saw if the English translation it was producing was close enough to what I was trying to mean to say. (Also I learned chinese transcribe will need to process for a few moments if you play Chinese audio like from a podcast because at first it will give you a sucky transcription lol and then correct itself). Anyway so I did that and quickly learned: Google translate WILL fucking think I am speaking sentences when I’ve only said a couple words of my sentence because I pause “too long” so when I tried thinking of tones or grammar I spoke too fucking slow for the app so BAM I had to speak faster for the app just to comprehend me. So I did not practice Thinking about how the fuck to say things right much, just how to recall words on a fucking speed time limit lol. So uh that was an experience. I’ll definitely say that my 学习普通话 app is way better for me actually practicing pronunciation with any success, because Google just will NOT tolerate me speaking slowly goddamn.
Anyway so then tonight I spoke with my language partner. Well
WELL
good news: I was understood, I was told I sound pretty standard and they can tell I maybe imitate some peoples phrases and words from shows I watch (which in this case is a compliment since they said weeks ago when I asked how they improved their standard mandarin accent for a speech competition that’s what They did and the kind of shadowing they suggested I try doing more for accent work).
My grammar and word choice was understandable (I KNOW I wasn’t perfect and there were fucking mistakes Especially just notable spots where I forgot common words and tried to talk Circles around those words to describe them since I know Enough words to kind of “explain around” and come up with a more word description of a simple word I forgot sometimes but fuck is it probably awkward to listen to. Like I forgot “back then/at that time” so I said “the time when I was in high school” or “in high school I..” just because I couldn’t say “that time” on the spot, also fucking I forgot how to say “also” and “or” in certain ways and just had to figure out a different way to make my point like “this is like that” or “not the same” ToT).
Anyway regardless it’s a real big accomplishment to me. Reasons being: 1. I’ve never talked in chinese that long straight or to someone else communicating, or telling stories about my life and asking questions and actually testing my fucking communication abilities past small talk. Even talking alone to myself it’s just phrases or small situations where if I forget a word I just stop, so this was huge for me. 2. I did not have time to think about tones period while talking today with my language partner so like being comprehensible is!!!! GREAT. Considering I tried speaking to a language partner simple common word tone pair examples or very simple small talk at 5 months into learning and remember being incomprehensible like 50% of the time. Versus me now a little under 2 years in so being able to simply not be constantly thinking about tones and still know I might be understood (and in this specific case was understood) is nice to know. 3. I did better at winging vocabulary and talking my way around words I didn’t know than i thought I could. 4. REALLY simply tone and grammar being comprehensible is blowing my mind on its own - I know there were many mistakes (I personally could hear my 3rd tone not always sounding right to my own ear, and know I heard a few grammar mistakes I heard after I’d made my point lol). But just being comprehensible enough for someone understand my points even if I made those mistakes was really cool. 5. I’m hoping this means all the things I’ve been doing lately: the Listening Reading, the watching shows with English subs this month while repeating some of the Chinese lines to myself, listening to audiobooks and repeating many of the lines to myself, and the weekly language exchange I’ve been doing, have all been helping to some degree. Improving production skills is not something I’ve tried studying before and so basically all that I’m doing is flailing around trying stuff and hoping something is useful. It’s nice to see something must be if I’ve managed this.
Anyway it was just very very cool to be understandable. ;-; At this time last year I was absolutely assuming it would take years to get even a little understandable. Also for now idk this proved to me to maybe just stick to shadowing for a while and Not specifically thinking of tones While actively speaking. For a while I thought of them actively which made me clearer and I think was important and helped, at this point currently I think sometimes i overthink and trying to speak from memory/more shadowing practice might help it become a bit more automatic? And then I can go back to some corrective work where I’m messing up specifically or haven’t internalized certain words/phrases tones maybe.
—
IN OTHER NEWS
today I ALSO played 4 hours of Kingdom Hearts II in Japanese WHICH WAS AN EXPERIENCE
AN EXPERIENCE IVE NEVER HAD BEFORE LIKE FUCKING THIS
So 1. EONS easier than last time I studied Japanese. For context at 2-2.5 years into studying Japanese I played the opening of KH2. I remember it was brutal, I used my phone constantly to look up words, but I got through like the opening portion to the first save point after the haunted mansion (so like is that day 2? Basically what’s usually .5-1 hour of play or less that took me a few hours back then). It was doable, kinda brutal, but also I have kh2 near to my heart so I could play it without reading when I felt drained. Now?? I had over a year break from Japanese study (maybe 2-3 years break idk). I reviewed Japanese in I think March-April 2021 this year. April/May to June (now) I’ve been studying some new material. The biggest new material being some more Nukemarine memrise decks, and Clozemaster as of this month. So like... this Eons of improvement is after a long ass gap of no study, a cram review, and some just beyond last-times-progress kind of new study. It is a HUGE difference to me in how it feels.
I did not use a dictionary at all this time. I did not play slow either, I read at a speed much more bearable, I comprehended most sentences totally (understanding words because of a mix of knowing most words, knowing the context for the words since I know KH2 WELL, knowing Hanzi from chinese, and thanks to Clozemaster of all things feeling a lot better/quicker with Japanese grammar comprehension), and a few sentences I knew the overall gist because of recognizing the Hanzi (tho they were being used in words that aren’t similar to Chinese), the grammar overall (the rough intention of the sentence), and knowing KH2 well enough to remember the main idea of th English sentence. So it was overall a much more pleasant, easygoing experience this time around playing! It was something where I COULD play 50 hours of Japanese KH2 now.
This kind of showed me some things: first that knowing a basis in chinese (for me) makes a huge difference. Kanji now make words easier for me to learn and guess. I can now recognize when some pronunciations are somewhat similar to Chinese words. I can recognize when some kanji are used to mean Different things from Chinese (since I know the English context too). I can also now actually Like and Appreciate that KH2 specifically uses kanji in some speech bubbles and scenes then hiragana for the same words at other times - it gives me a chance to use context to see both versions of the word and learn both the pronunciation and kanji a bit more. Now I have katakana English like words and kanji (in the sense of their similarities to Hanzi) and my basic grammar grasp to rely on to parse sentences which makes all of it much easier. For me chinese was just easier, and that’s now paying off also in making Japanese easier in some ways than it was before.
I also appreciate now why “prior context” and “comprehensible input” are encouraged so much. My effort level is comfortable and NOT draining, so I could’ve kept my playing for hours and I did not need a dictionary for new words because I had TONS of context. Part of this is KH2 being a game I know super well (so even back at year 2 it was doable if draining when no other video game probably would’ve been doable at all). So it makes sense now it would be the first comfortable feeling one. It is VERY comprehensible input for me, especially now with some of the Japanese improvements I’ve made.
Whereas I tried to play crisis core a month ago (doable but DRAINING in part because I knew the game so comprehensible but I didn’t HAVE the game remembered by heart like KH2 so I had to slow down to read everything slowly and figure out words much slower with no prior meaning in my head for many parts), and persona 3 (which was doable but DRAINING in part because I have little prior context compared to cc or KH2 and in part because it has so much reading). Also KH2 is easier to read than cc or persona 3 - kh2 is obviously meant for age 10+ and so the amount of text I’m required to read is shorter, a lot of conversational stuff and not layered (cc had a lot of technical paragraphs of directions for missions and persona is aimed at older teens and has much more like “think about it more long term” conversations which I struggle more to parse). Also just persona 3 has so much dialogue I started speed reading just to get to a save point which felt Draining. Whereas KH2 the reading is comfortable so I don’t read too slow, and so it doesn’t feel as draining since it’s not slow nor do I have to rush at lower comprehension to get through it - I can just read and comprehend everything as much as I can at a reasonably non draining pace.
Also I DO think Clozemaster (so kudos to u app) is actually helping noticeably. I’m doing Clozemaster Japanese by common word tracks (still in the 100 most common words sentences and almost done). I’ve been doing listening mode and then reading sentences after. I can TELL it’s helped me already with the following. I’m doing better at recognizing some grammar structure particles/words/conjugations in various forms and levels of politeness. I now have much less issue telling how to separate sentences into word/grammar functions - it makes everything just much easier to start being able to segment my sentences as I read so I can just pinpoint WHAT parts I know versus don’t know and what their rough function is (and since in KH2 I know the English lines usually it makes it way easier to guess what words mean roughly what English translation). I also read some manga during this past month that’s also helped with this skill. I noticed Clozemaster also is just helping with it a lot since in Clozemaster the politeness level varies and stuff so I’m forced to practice guessing and figuring it out more with Clozemaster sentences over and over. The listening mode has helped because I can tell that some of the most common words I can hear more instinctively now and read aloud at a more normal pace now. I still CLEARLY read over listening when the subtitles in KH2 are there if I don’t know a word, so my listening has HUNDREDS or likely thousands of hours to go (my Chinese is much much better). But I can already notice the sheer fact Clozemaster listening question mode is forcing me to 1 HEAR Japanese more (and I need like what 2000 hours listening) and 2 start recognizing more easily at least recognizing words I’ve learned when I hear them (whereas before I would struggle to hear certain words even if I’d studied just because I’d read-studied a lot but not actually heard much of those words much). Now this all isn’t a huge help with new words in KH2 since I’m learning to read them from the game but my listening isn’t picking them up or Parsing them well. But as far as IN Clozemaster: yes the constant audio word drilling is helping me recognize words by sound which is great since thanks to Chinese kanji recognition is now not intensely difficult, it’s the sound recognition and match up to spelling that’s now the major confusion for me. I mean grammar is also confusing.. and will take years... I do think Clozemaster forcing me to practice interpreting the grammar somewhat with nothing to help me is helping me at least feel less drained by the grammar. I used Clozemaster before for french and chinese at the stage between graded readers and actual native speaker material, and I think for Japanese it’s also Good for this purpose. Clozemaster is good for a lot of immersion-like sentence reading practice, with tools to make it easier like a translation and mostly words you know in each sentence. Making it a bit easier than just diving into the deep end into a random novel. I do think it helps with preparing you for less learner-tailored materials a bit while still being easier than native speaker materials so you can practice without feeling youre drowning.
anyway ahh. WOOH I PLAYED KH2 in japanese today!!! I HAD FUN
gonna do it some more.
kh2 is maybe THE original reason i started trying to learn japanese. its really fun playing it now.
—-
And finally, while I’m at it: I am ALMOST done with the Sundial arc in Guardian Listening Reading wise. I’m on chapter 17. I have like 2 days left so who knows maybe I can manage to finish the sundial arc we’ll see.
What I mostly did this month was Redo L-R chapter 1-12 with a second audiobook, read the novel print version up to chapter 12, read chapter 1-2 in the traditional print version, also read maybe 4 chapters of other random things, listened to audiobook files of stuff overall idk 20+ times while repeating after a lot of lines, did a small amount of Clozemaster chinese (mostly just Radio mode), did 30 min - 1 hour writing or speaking language exchange sessions once a week, and watch a bunch of Chinese shows with English subs this month while repeating after a lot of lines.
As you can tell my reading Amount lowered significantly since the past couple months. However, I think I’ve pushed up my listening amounts a little.
#rant#June#June progress#I wonder if my 2021 horoscope says things I worked for years on are paying off#also looks like if I get into linguistics there’s a decent chance I’ll need French too so. French for a career is why I started learning#that baby way back when. so it really would be a bunch of old stuff paying off and becoming useful and needed. I even have job inquiries for#character artists for game companies rn! which is. literally what my dream was at age 11.#oh man when will I have time for the French... ToT I may actually NEED need it soon fuck#u know what I love about chinese and dread about Japanese and French? the grammar#Chinese grammar I may make some mistakes but I know I’m understandable and I DO in fact have some grammar exercise books I can do if they’l#help. and Chinese grammar is quite clear and idk logical to me. Japanese has.. so much politeness levels and casualness even after the gramm#I struggle to instinctively ‘get’. and French god if a teacher isn’t making me cojuygate I only use je vais je va j’ai va ToT#my French production skills are nightmarish#hey universe babe ;-; please be nice#whatever’s coming ayyy
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Blue Eyes Part 32
Summary: After the Garrison is shot up, the youngest Shelby daughter finds a new home in London. She strips herself of her last name and tries to live a peaceful life far away from her brothers’ chaos in Birmingham. But fate leads her right back into it after she runs into Alfie Solomons.
Part 32: Alfie and Ella get wrapped up in the bliss of parenthood. But things aren’t over yet
Ella was in the bliss of motherhood. When she awoke, it was almost a miracle to her that the twins weren’t just a dream. They were there in the flesh, cooing softly from their cots.
Alfie was fast asleep in the rocking chair, snoring lightly. His wife smiled and kissed his cheek. “Good morning, love.” She murmured.
He stirred and lifted his head with a wince. “Fucking hell, my hip hurts.”
“Well, you fell asleep in a wooden chair, I can imagine it does.” Ella laughed softly and went to scoop up Sofia. “Hello, chavi.” She whispered affectionately. “Was papa keeping you company last night?”
The baby girl yawned and wrapped her fingers around one of Ella’s dark curls.
“Oh, Alfie, aren’t they so perfect?” She sighed adoringly.
Alfie smiled, watching mother and daughter bond. “They sure are. Our son’s got a set of lungs on ‘im but we finally got back to sleep, didn’t we?” He reached a hand between the bars of Ezra’s cot and rubbed the baby’s stomach.
Ella beamed. “And you were doubting yourself as a father. I knew you’d be perfect.” She touted triumphantly.
“Hang on, only been one day.” He reminded her.
“Mhm, still.” She rocked Sofia softly.
“I never told you the meaning of their names. Their middle names, at least, you know why we chose their first names. But not their middle names.” He remembered. “Did I?”
“No, you didn’t.”
Alfie beckoned her over, patting his thighs. “C’mere, I’ll tell ya.”
“Your hip.”
“S’fine.”
Ella relented and made herself comfortable in his lap, resting Sofia against her chest.
“Eliana is Hebrew, well they’re both Hebrew names. But Eliana means ‘God has answered’. And Shai means gift. They’re both quite beautiful written in Hebrew. I’ll hafta show you.” Alfie rubbed Ella’s shoulder and pressed a kiss to her temple.
“Oh, Alfie, that’s beautiful, how perfect and-” Her eyes began to well up with tears. “Oh c’mon, I feel as if I’m crying about anything nowadays.” She laughed weakly and sniffled.
Her husband gently dabbed her tears away. “They’re tears of happiness, though, ain’t they?” He double-checked.
“Of course. I’ve never been so happy. Forget the world outside of here, I don’t care anymore. All I need is my family. This family.” She used her free hand to guide his lips to hers. Her hand rested on the left side of his face, her fingers gently resting on the scars and abrasions leftover from the wound.
Alfie jerked a bit involuntarily.
She withdrew from the kiss and pulled her hand away. “I’m sorry, did I hurt you?”
He swallowed and looked into her blue eyes. “No, love. I just…fuck you’re the only person who could ever still love me like this.”
“Will you still love me when I’m aged? Wrinkled and grayed?” She questioned, returning her hand to his injured cheek. The pads of her fingers just barely grazing over the marred skin. She wasn’t afraid to look into his eyes, not caring about the appearance of his clouded eye.
“Of course.” He nodded. “You’d still be beautiful to me.”
“Then why should it be any different for you? You’re still so beautiful to me, Alfie.” She whispered and lightly pressed a kiss to his cheek before kissing his lips again. “Nothing will ever change that.”
He sat with her for a moment. “Can you grab me a pen and paper?”
Ella looked confused but nodded. “Sure.” She stood up and handed Sofia to him.
“Hello, love.” He murmured softly and cradled her close.
She grabbed her diary and returned with it to the nursery. “What do you need this for?” She wondered.
“Here,” Alfie exchanged their daughter for the journal. He found a fresh page and uncapped the pen.
Ella looked over his shoulder with Sofia resting in her arms. She watched as Alfie began writing in a different script. It wasn’t unfamiliar to her, she’d seen him read it before, it was the Hebrew alphabet. And yet it was still very odd to see him writing it. Very patient and learned. It wasn’t like his normal handwriting, scrawled out without much care. His hand was steady, a practiced skill that must have been taught to him by someone he cared very much about.
“That’s Ezra.” He pointed to the characters. “Then here’s his middle name, Shai. Sorta short, reminds me of part of a menorah.” He chuckled and shook his head. “Right, Sofia’s spelled a bit differently in Hebrew. They’d spell it T-Z-O-F-I-Y-A.” He wrote the coinciding letters in Hebrew on the page. “Then Eliana. Mum didn’t spell it with a Y but some people do.” He shrugged and handed her the diary.
“You were right.” Ella murmured. “It’s beautiful.” There was something so special about celebrating Alfie’s culture. He’d been accustomed to some of the Shelby Traveler ways so Ella was glad to learn more from him. It was empowering knowing that Mosley wanted to kill Alfie simply because he was Jewish. But Alfie survived and responded by blessing his children with Hebrew names.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Weeks passed by at an unbelievable pace. Alfie was worried that if he blinked, he’d miss a big moment. Luckily, Ella was carefully keeping track of every milestone their twins took. She purchased two brand new journals, one a deep teal and the other a light lilac. Inside, she penned the twins’ first moments.
Ezra’s first smile when Anthea sniffed at his feet.
Sofia rolled over much to the delight of her father.
Ezra managed to sleep through the whole night despite his sister waking a few times.
Sofia laughed when Alfie kissed her cheek.
Ezra was the first to try sitting up on his own.
But Sofia was the first to crawl.
Once the pages started to fill up, Ella was taken aback by how much time had passed. She had become so conditioned to expect something awful to happen when things had been going so well. Times like that couldn’t last long. Inevitably they would end with something terrible blindsiding them.
But things maintained. It had been the longest Ella was genuinely happy. She had two beautiful children, two playful dogs, and a husband who loved her. It made her a little paranoid, always worried that something would come crashing down on their perfect world. But it stayed quiet for a very long time.
~~~~~~~~
“Okay, try and…yes, Alfie, stay there. Oh, Anthea.” Ella sighed as she tried to get her family in frame.
Alfie had spoiled her with a brand-new camera. Naturally, the first thing she wanted was a picture of her family all together. So, they went down to the beach to take a family portrait. Ella was setting up the shot as Alfie tried to keep both dogs still while holding Ezra and Sofia. The six-month-olds were wide awake and giggling at the dogs.
“Ah, you little fucker, get back here.” Alfie tried to get Anthea before she dashed off to swim.
“Alfie!” Ella scolded and snatched the pit bull by the collar. “You cannot swear in front of them anymore. They’ll start talking any day now and I don’t want them fucking spouting off your vocabulary.”
He grinned. “You’re just as bad as me, love.”
Ella frowned. He was right. One of her first words had been ‘shit’, after all. “We both have to work on it.” She sat Anthea down and returned to the camera to start the timer. “Ready?” She dashed back over and stood beside Alfie, wrapping an arm around his waist.
They waited for the shutter to go off before they could all take a breath.
“Bet it looks great.” Alfie set Ezra and Sofia down on the sand so they could play. He grunted as he lowered himself down beside them. “Look at that, aye?” He picked up a scallop shell and showed it to the twins. “What’s that, then?”
Ezra cooed and reached for the shell.
Ella watched from behind the camera, waiting for the perfect moment to take a candid shot. It was amazing to see how the twins had grown from little bundles to happy babies. They were healthy with pink, round cheeks. They weren’t identical, Ezra’s hair was much darker than Sofia’s. His hair reminded her more of her hair color. A very dark brown with warm chocolate highlights. Sofia’s was a beautiful lighter color with hints of honey that shone in the sun. They both had blue eyes but Ella knew from experience that the color could change. Already Ezra’s eyes were slowly melding to green. They looked like the ocean. Sofia’s eyes were starting to appear a bit browner. It thrilled Ella to think about how they would look in another month’s time. There was so much to look forward to.
After Ella took the picture, Alfie frowned and stood up. His eyes fixed above the bluff to their home.
“Alfie?” She asked. “What is it?”
“Someone’s pulled up in a car.” He answered.
“Are you expecting anyone?”
“No.” He whistled for Cyril and began walking toward the path back up to the house, his hand slipping inside his coat.
Ella felt a hint of dread as she realized this was it. This was when everything fell to shambles. She felt foolish for believing things would be okay.
Alfie muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like “Tommy Fucking Shelby.” Apparently, he saw the man get out of the car before Ella could.
Tommy noticed the two figures on the beach from the drive near the bluff. He walked over and shouted over the ledge. “Alfie!”
“The fuck does he want, aye?”
Ella shrugged. “I don’t know. He didn’t mention he was coming.” It had been quite some time since she heard from her brother. She naturally assumed that he was caught up in the business of trying to plan Oswald Mosley’s assassination.
“Tommy Shelby MP, OBE, thinks he can come calling whenever the fuck he wants.” Alfie scooped up Ezra and began walking back up the bluff to the house.
Ella picked up Sofia and began to follow them, making sure the dogs were right behind her.
By the time she reached the drive, Alfie and Tommy were already in a heated argument.
“You ain’t bringing your mental state here to disrupt me fucking family. That ain’t happening, mate.”
“What is going on?” Ella paused, taking in her brother’s appearance. He looked even more sleep-deprived than usual. He was twitching and couldn’t stand still. His eyes kept shifting, glancing over his shoulder, waiting for something or someone.
“Bring the kids inside.” Alfie handed Ezra over instead of answering his wife.
Ella hesitated but brought the twins and the dogs inside. She could hear the shouting match escalate through the house as she put the twins in their cots. Hoping to break them up, she hurried back outside and drew Alfie away from Tommy.
“What is going on!?” She demanded again.
“Your brother’s come here all doped up, that’s what’s going on.” Alfie jabbed a finger at the man.
Tommy looked ready to either pounce or rip his own hair out. His whole body was tensed up and practically trembling. His hands balled into fists. “This is it, Alfie. All those times you pointed a gun to my head. You fucking do it, right now!”
It was nonsensical, almost as if Ella’s hearing had gone out for a moment. His words disjointed and not making any logical sense. “Tommy, what are you talking about?” She struggled to get between the two who were in each other’s faces.
“This is it? Aye? You’ve finally lost your fucking marbles, Tommy? ‘Bout time we locked you up, right, in a fucking asylum!” Alfie shouted, his face turning red.
“Stop it!” Ella pushed her husband back knowing he wouldn’t fight her. “Stop it right now, the both of you!” She grabbed her brother by the overcoat and physically forced him back a few steps. He was so exhausted that he couldn’t resist her and stumbled backward. “What are you on about?”
But Tommy’s eyes were fixed on Alfie, almost like a rabid dog that had locked onto a victim. “It’s your lucky day, you finally get to blow me brains out!”
Ella had enough and slapped him across the face. “Take a fucking breath, for Christ's sake! You're going on like a fucking lunatic.” She snapped.
The stinging pain managed to knock Tommy back into a bit of sanity. “It all fell apart.” He gasped out; his lungs raw from screaming.
“What did?” Ella didn’t let go of his coat so he couldn’t go after Alfie again.
“The rally. Mosley, it all went to shit. Someone knew.”
“Who did?” Alfie asked.
“I don’t fucking know!” Tommy shouted. “I don’t know who!”
Ella’s stomach dropped. She had almost been certain that Mosley was dead. Maybe it was because things had been going so well for her. But that sick man was still out there. And now he knew that the Peaky Blinders were trying to kill him.
“He knew nothing.” Tommy pulled away from his sister and began to pace in a frenzy. “Mosley knew nothing. Then Barney was shot. Aberama was killed.” His breathing picked up pace again as he began to hyperventilate, his hands grasping tightly at his hair. “Mosley knew nothing!” He screamed.
Ella had seen her brother in very bad states before. But never to the extreme that he was now in.
Tommy stopped pacing and looked back at Alfie. He paused and then pointed at the man. “That’s why I’m here.”
“What are you talking about?” Ella made sure she was still in between them.
“He’s going to shoot me.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Thomas.” Alfie threw his hands up in disbelief. “Always with the fucking dramatics. You get a grip, right, and then we’ll talk about what we’ll do next.”
“There is no next! There’s nothing left!” Tommy began approaching Alfie again. Ella pushed his chest to keep him back. “There’s nothing left. You go get your gun and you end it. I’m fucking done.”
“I ain’t shooting you, mate.”
“Tommy, please, just take a breath and-”
“I’m done!” Tommy’s voice roared across the windy landscape.
“I ain’t killing you.” Alfie crossed his arms over his chest.
“Fine.” Tommy shoved Ella to the side and stormed toward Alfie.
Ella only just gathered her bearings when she turned and saw Tommy had withdrawn a gun and was pointing it to her husband’s temple. Her blood ran cold. “Tommy…put the gun down.”
“You go inside. Get your gun and you kill me.” He replied. “Or I’m fucking shooting him.”
“Jesus Christ, you’ve gone fucking insane.” Alfie had been at the end of Tommy’s gun before but never had he been so convinced that the man would actually pull the trigger.
“I’m not going to kill you, Tommy.”
“Ella, do as I say!” He shouted, his finger fidgeting on the trigger. “This is how it’s meant to be. Shelbys don’t die of old age, you fucking know that. We get killed or we kill ourselves.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way.” Ella’s voice quivered. “Alfie and I will help you. Mosley can be defeated. He can!”
“No. No, he can’t.” Tears were forming in Tommy’s eyes. All the emotions colliding together and driving him to madness. He just wanted to sleep.
“Yes, he can. With Alfie’s help, we can make alliances. We’re smarter than he is, Tom.” She held out a hand to him. “Please, just put the gun down and we’ll do this together.”
“Listen to her.” Alfie agreed steadily. “Just listen to her. We can sort this out, mate. Don’t hafta be like this.”
In a snap decision, Tommy lowered the gun and Ella swooped in to rip it out of his hands. Her heart racing, she emptied the pistol of its bullets and tossed it into the gravel. “For fuck’s sake, Tommy.” She gasped in disbelief. “Are you high?”
The once invincible man looked as if he was crumbling right before her eyes. “I can’t do this, El. Not anymore.” He whimpered in Rokka to her.
“Stop, just stop.” Ella pulled him into her arms and let him unload his weight onto her. Tommy Shelby carried the world on his shoulders. To hold him was to hold Atlas.
~~~~~~~~~~
“He said he hasn’t slept in three days.” Ella came into the kitchen where Alfie was stewing a bit.
“So, he made it our fucking problem?” He muttered in response, never particularly enjoying having a gun shoved in his face.
She sighed and put on the kettle. “I’m sorry.”
“Ain’t your fault. No one needs to apologize for him. That’s his job, not yours.”
Ella hummed in agreement and walked up to him. “What are we going to do?”
He dropped his hands to her waist, trying to let go of the tension in his shoulders. “No fucking clue.” He admitted. “I assumed-well I figured he had in under control.”
“Yeah, I did too.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and let her fingers tease the hair grazing the nape of his neck.
Alfie drew her in close, letting her rest her chin on his shoulder. She glanced out the kitchen window behind him. Gazing out across the small lawn that overlooked the bluff. Something stirring in the garden made her perk up a bit. She almost expected another stray dog to come wandering onto the property like Anthea had. Instead, a dark shadow of a cat slunk out of a bush. Its tail flicked in the air as it crossed the trimmed lawn. For a moment it paused and seemed to listen to something, its ears pointing back. Then as suddenly as it had appeared, it dashed off.
“We need to find the black cat.” She whispered.
“Huh?” Alfie tilted his face towards here. “Didya say something, love?”
“No. No, I didn’t say anything.” She buried her face in his neck and began making a list of all the people who would betray her family.
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split-ends and break-ups
title: split-ends and break-ups
pairing: park chanyeol/reader
genre: band!au/ex-boyfriend!au/enemies to lovers!au
summary: when participating in a battle of the bands to earn a position in some discography, she realizes that one of the contestants is none other than her ex. musically and physically blessed, as well as extremely sweet chanyeol is there to compete, though it falls upon his shoulders to let his competitive blood destroy his past love’s chance at success…or he could simply remember all that happened before their fall out.
type: fluff/angst/romance
word count: 9,688
No plethora of convincing quotes, astonishing inspirational speeches and phrases along the lines of ‘it will be alright’ could make her believe in hope. Such a harsh mindset is the necklace that hangs around her neck, digging into her skin uncomfortably, glowing in the dark when she sees the flickering lights of her apartment casting its power down on to the living room. Somewhere, her bandmate must be sleeping, specifically the guitarist, but instead of seeking for her flat pillow and her rusty bedsheets, she opts to stay up late once again, pen moving against her old notebook, writing down lyrics while her bass peacefully rests on her lap.
Not that it is any closer to sounding in its heavy tune, considering that her brain is completely dried from inspiration, wondering why musicians must suffer in order to be big. The best bands did it—she has tried to convince herself for the past two years in which they are played small gigs in local bars—, but they are truly getting nowhere. Once her apartment was only shared with herself and now, looking to save some more money to record a few songs, she had to share it with her deep sleeper of a guitarist. Somewhere in between reaching her dreams, she has lost herself. Refrigerator void of food. Soul void of happiness. Mind void of ideas.
It’s a cycle as of now.
Everything burns. The ache of her legs, seated atop a couch that can only pain her so much, cheap to its core. Her heart, it burns, simply because she doesn’t know what to do anymore—if being a secretary is even an option now that a bassist didn’t work, if people were right when they said that she should have simply stuck to something simpler. Her fingers push her bass down, trying to find a rhyme that isn’t ‘love’, for she is tired to writing songs about loving for one night and forgetting in the other. Tired is what she is, of everything and anything, of wishing for stardom but not even being able to look up at the stars in her own goddamned apartment, too tiny and closed to even have proper, wide windows.
Brand new is not her bass when she comes up with a brief hook, one that does not make her happy, the corners of her mouth turning down when anger finally lifts her off the couch. Her legs creak under her weight, putting her bass down and placing her hands on each side of her temples, fingers caressing over the skin around her parietal bones. Everything seems to be falling down for her, flashing back to the times in which people had told her that she was good—but not outstanding enough to be a musician, a well-known at that.
It’s too hard to forget when all she has ever dreamed of is to be on a stage and play the bass.
Three in the morning and the moonlight is testing her when she turns off the lights and can’t even reach for her keys, wanting nothing more to get out and look for some snacks to have in that twenty-four-hour convenience store a few blocks away. Scared, she is not, as if the world and all the bad in it paralyzed because of her disdain. Her steps are quickened, bag tossed over her shoulder and crossing her waist, a t-shirt falling halfway on her thighs, her leggings with a few holes here and there—clear notification that she was probably wearing her pajamas. Trying is not in her vocabulary anymore.
Not when the moon looks just as hopeless as she is, the wind barely blowing in such a damned place. The butts of cigarettes rest on the streets, the music is far too distant to even be pleasurable, broken glass shatters under the weight of anyone’s shoes, the drinking habits of the city toxic in its vast meaning. A deep sigh is enough to make her feel like this city doesn’t even hold oxygen anymore, simply living off monoxide. Some people are sleeping on the streets, highlight of the poverty that no one does anything to fight for, and she closes her eyes while quickening her steps.
Musicians are never fully happy, someone once told her, or maybe she read it in a magazine. What a curse that comes with the most beautiful of unions—through tunes and melodies, comes saddening memories of never reaching the dream she wished for.
On behalf of destiny, something stops her, a rock on the way that almost has her tripping over her own feet. Flip-flops are definitely not a good idea to go out in, but it is enough of a distraction to have her rolling her eyes. Leaning her hand against the brick wall by her side, she takes the rock out of her shoes, looking to the side simply to catch a glimpse of the harsh surface, covered by something that she can’t quite describe. A pamphlet, she realizes soon after, folding it in between her hands to bring it closer to her face.
A few guitars, the typical, half-assed job graphic designers do in most occasions when describing music. What catches her attention is the price of this competition, a battle of the bands with the chance of signing with a discography and some money with a few zeroes added to it. It’s enticing, glorious, enough of a push and put in such a place for her to save the pamphlet inside her pocket.
In the future, this will only be a flashback for her memoir, when everything was difficult before that battle of the bands turns her and her band into stars.
Or she sure hopes her future reads out that way.
🥁
“Maybe, we should get a band tattoo in commemoration of this moment.”
Slipping the yellow straw in between her lips to take a sip of her smoothie, she lifts her eyebrows at one of her bandmates, the vocalist to be exact. “I don’t believe your choices in tattoos, Hee Young.” She adds, looking at Hee Young as she picks from the variety of noodles in the gas station little convenience store. Maybe, this is part of the rock lifestyle, simply living off whatever snack is easier to pop in some boiling water or in the microwave. Not caring is the new black, some may say if you ask them. “Someone with a butterfly tattoo with the name of her ex on her left ass-cheek is definitely not a person to be trusted.”
Hee Young lifts her gaze, puffy and frizzy hair short and resting under her earlobes, pierced from top to bottom. Her voice is sweet compared to how tough she looks, tall and long, unapproachable at its finest. “Says the bassist with the bright yellow pants. Learn how to dress and then we can talk aesthetics.”
The only male in the group, and the drummer, pops his head from behind a rack of sunglasses, sporting ones with hearts on them. Andrew’s softened heart is too big to even be in a group with three of the most complicated, least understanding women in the world. The youngest simply wants to have fun, he says, loving the process of learning more than the success lifestyle. “Don’t cause a fuss.” He says, embarrassment coating his words. “You two are always fighting.”
“She’s the Paul to my John, let us be.” She argues, taking another sip of her smoothie before nodding her head towards the bathrooms outside the shop. “Should I go check up on Seong Im? She hasn’t gotten out in a while.”
“That’s why our diet should not only consist of noodles and salty, greasy snacks.” The youngest and yet wisest Andrew indicates, pulling the pink sunglasses down his slim nose. “It causes diarrhea.”
“Gross.” Hee Young whispers, putting the noodle packs back down on their spots. “What would you buy for a normal dinner? I think we deserve it after getting accepted in the battle of the bands.”
Andrew bites down on his bottom lip, quirking the corner of them up soon after. “…Salad sounds healthy.”
“I doubt we’re going to find vegetables in some gas station, Drew.” She argues, only to earn a shrug from Andrew.
“It may be about time for us to stop buying stuff in the gas station, then.”
“We have one hour of being a casted band in some contest and we’re already speaking as we can afford that.” Her voice is uneven when a smile appears on her face, patting her hand against Andrew’s shoulder. “But if it makes you happy, buy whatever. I’ll go look for Seong Im and wait in the car.”
What she hears in the background is the sound of Hee Young trying to convince Andrew of getting some snacks, to what he can simply deny her offers. The air fills her lungs when she opens the door, looking around the half-empty gas station at this hour of the night, some of the workers having dinner by the pavement. Her movements are slow when her fingers look in the pockets of the yellow pants that Hee Young always curses, reaching for the keys and twirling it in between her skilled bassist fingers.
Yellow is a color of happiness. The sun. Her first guitar and maybe, even the color of the dress she wore when she had her first kiss. When things were easier, definitely so, when musicians seemed cool instead of troublesome and filled with worries. The straw brings her happiness, too, her greens inserted in a drink that has her sighing at the precious coldness, the color seeping from her body now that her band got accepted after their audition. They are going to be able to compete for a contract with a discography, something that any musician is fighting and thriving for, to be treated like royalty in a world of warriors.
Her knuckles knock against the bathroom door, hearing a loud: “What?!” coming from the inside. That voice, definitely a bit obstinate, belongs to her guitarist perfectly.
“Are you okay in there?”
“Yep. Having the time of my life!”
“What happened? Indigestion?”
“…Don’t wanna talk about it.”
With a smile playing on her features, she nods her head. “I’ll be in the car when you get out.”
Near the shared car between her guitarist and herself, however, there is another car parked, a man standing beside it to fuel it. His back is turned to the workers, his profile clear to her and oh lord, does she know those features. A tall man with a nice profile, plush lips matching his slightly wide nose, big eyes innocent when he is doing most tasks, determined when playing the drums and a haze when he used to look at her. Those big hands, one resting on the windows of the car, had wrapped around her waist, rested on her thighs and explored all of her once or a hundred times of her life, in that damned car of his, with the music blasting just like it does right now, the people inside it the bandmates that she had once shared spots with.
A bassist for another band—Park Chanyeol’s band—she had once been. At the time, she was dating him, like the poor, oblivious woman that had fallen in love with him simply to break it off thanks to musical differences. Chanyeol wanted to experiment, while she wanted to continue to grow in the punk and rock spectrum of music, leaving them more separated than they had ever been. Three years later and she is in a new group, while he continues to shine in his beauty, unaware of her existence and yet, so close to her.
Something tells her that this is not the last time she is going to see him, much more when she gets closer and tries to get inside her car from the back doors, not wanting to be noticed by him, only to see a name-tag just like the one resting on top of her white tank top, reading his name and the title of the battle of the bangs competition.
No way.
No fucking way.
She was going against the band that had created her as an artist.
When Chanyeol lifts his gaze, she plops her body down in the backseat, looking up at the ceiling in hopes of not being caught by him. What she needs right now is to figure out the reason of her nervousness, why competitiveness settles inside her body in pure revenge for having him break-up with her thanks to the constant arguments about music. What he was once said was ‘great music’ could never compare to hers, she tries to argue with herself, though her mind tells her that Chanyeol’s group is fully capable of winning, too—
But no.
They are not.
Not when this is her chance of finally showing that ex-boyfriend of hers that her vision was right. Pride, oh such a damned thing, and the reason why she sits up to look at Chanyeol’s old car drive by. Pride has become her best friend just now.
🥁
When on stage, she feels like a different woman.
People are told what to do eighty percent of their lives; some understandable, some mere stigmas, some simply because of the individuals they surround themselves with. In her opinion, though, her bass gives her rules that adjust to her. She is not broke and misunderstood when on top of the stage, rehearsing in that same place in which they are going to perform just a month from them. She is not the girl-next-door turned into a nightmare when the bass pumps from her veins and her arteries to the crowd, musicians that equally appreciate and envy, all rats seeking to thrive from the same source of food. Some are behind the stage, others are resting on some of the seats, other seated in the floor but when she turns around and shares a smile with Andrew, she feels like she belongs.
Women are expected to be a million things, straight-up perfect. They are expected to be or not to be, never in between, never able to show that they are weak or if they are, they should cry for everything and anything, unable to help themselves in the eyes of the world. In her silence, people would think her troublesome personality comes from a space of clear trust issues, but that is not the case. She found other people just like her, who lifted her up when they needed to fight together. The joyful Andrew, too sweet to even be true, kicked out of his high school for bad grades back in the day and still fighting for a happy ending. The comedic Seong Im, definitely gorgeous enough to be a model and still, releasing some of the best guitar solos she has ever heard. Hee Young, the one that put them together, her middle school enemy and now, her best friend. People who had given their life out to craft music and now were fighting for a chance to be alive.
To be a band.
Her foot rests on the side of Andrew’s drum-set, smiling to him when she moves her fingers on her bass with tranquility, not missing a single tempo, the two in charge of making a song much more understood. Much to her disappointment, however, there is a point when she can’t even listen to her bass, the amplifier releasing an elongated, high, shrilling noise before her bass comes to a halt, though her movements don’t. her eyes widen, turning around and trying to turn the device on with her foot, only to see the lack of a flickering light that either shined green or red. Her eyes look for her guitarist, Seong Im losing her tempo thanks to the lack of the bass, the song falling flat when all they can hear are Seong Im’s late chords and Hee Young’s booming voice.
The crowd suddenly starts laughing, because life is a fucking sitcom and everyone needs to play along to their roles. People like them are meant to follow the stigma that is expected from them—to fail. Her fingers hook around her bass, settling it down as she rushes down the set of stairs that led down to the crowd’s spots. Thus she rushes around them, walking towards the backstage area, watching a lot of people get ready, either look-wise or in the music spectrum, though at the depths of musicians, mostly guitarists, she gets to see the big amount of cables that connected to the amplifiers and microphones, pushing a few people out of the way with her rushing, the pink beret on her head almost falling off it from the commotion.
By the cables and amplifiers, there are two men seated. One of them shorter than the other, bulkier, a cigarette falling from between his lips, the slit on his eyebrow and the rounded cheeks clearly making out the figure of the vocalist of Chanyeol’s band. Sam, the precious Sam that had been the one to put the two together, the first person to put a cigarette in between her lips, the friend that would accompany her to their first gigs, the songwriter of their group before Chanyeol and herself took the lead. Sam has always bled music, just like the past lovers do, yet he seems to be so passive about it, peaceful even.
Chanyeol and her could never do that.
By Sam’s side, however, much more obstinate and ambitious comes the magician that always captures her heart when he stares up at her, reminder of the days in which he made her feel like a goddess by pressing his lips to the spaces in her knuckles only to profess a passionate love for her, deep and profound. He would always look at her with wide eyes then, and to see him exchange that glance with her once again is nostalgia at its finest. It brings the food she had eaten earlier up her throat, the ache of her chest suddenly making her realize just how much she had changed from when she had started her path to music stardom.
Her closed-off shoes kick his knee, making him hiss when he holds it close to his chest. “So is this how we’re playing now? Are you sabotaging me?” The Chanyeol from the past would never be able to do such thing, too filled with softness inside the broadness of him to ever sabotage her. His legs lift him up from the floor simply to shake his head.
“I would never do that! I did not even know you were competing until I saw you up the stage!” Chanyeol argues, his voice a bit lifted in tone thanks to the ache in his knee, eyebrows moving with every word that escape his plush lips. A part of her, deep inside her brain, is telling her that she has got it twisted. Chanyeol is not one of those crazy men in the industry, and yet, she is here doubting him.
“You’re the only person here, though.” She argues, watching as people surround them in needs of hearing something more. “It would not surprise me. It was always about competition in between us two—”
Chanyeol releases a soft breath, reaching over to where she is simply to place a hand over her babbling mouth. “It was never like that. You were the one that saw it like that.”
Her tongue sticks out to get him off, though it works fairly soon, having his big palm running across his dark tee to get the saliva off. “Okay, so who did it? My amplifier is clearly disconnected and it was not like that before!”
Apart from being her ex-boyfriend, Chanyeol had once been her best friend. It’s shrilling to see such a tight bond of when they were younger, sharing anecdotes over bass solos and drum-kits, turn to dust now that they are older. Maybe, that is what love does—it destroys people, leaving them like a shell of what they used to be, or simply turning good memories into bitter ones. There are hundreds of songs she can’t sing anymore in fear of remembering him, the only man she has ever truly loved, the one person who has slowed down her world and turned it into beauty before they decided to shoot it down.
The sound of sweet laughter has her turning around, the warmth of Chanyeol’s body seeping through her skin when her back is turned to him. “We were just playing around with the cables. Chill.” One of the member of the duos competing adds, shrugging her tanned shoulders and crossing her arms over her chest.
“…So you were the one to do it?”
“We were trying to connect our amplifier and fucked it up. There are too many wires there, honey. I’m a bassist, not an engineer.”
Something about the woman with the orange hair, definitely bleached to utter lifelessness, speaks about the world as it is today. When people suddenly became swords instead of the battlers, wanting nothing more than to hurt those who got close to them or entered their territory. People cannot age, they cannot be better, they have to remain mediocre just like them. The world is all about surviving, but how can one survive when its entire population wants to slaughter each other? “I’m not playing games with you. You can’t do that type of shit. It’s not a game to me. My entire band looked bad because of you.”
“With a name like that, I doubt I did much work.” The woman says, her lips parting to retort to her comment, though the tall man behind her speaks before she could.
“Hey, calm down. You don’t have to talk to her like that.”
“It’s a competition. It’s what people do.”
Her fists bawl together, nails clinging to her skin when she pushes her body forward, ready to launch a punch on this woman’s face, a side of her that she had never seen suddenly growing inside her. They are fighting for a spot in a discography, only to be manufactured versions of who they really are, their friendships highlighted for the crowd to eat up like candy. That is as good as it gets, she imagines, stress taking the best of her when she nears the other bassist, only to be stopped by a pair of long and skinny arms wrapped around her, familiar to her skin when his booming voice can only whisper to her to lay off.
Not in those words, exactly, Chanyeol is intelligent enough to tell her that everything is going to be okay.
All force leaves her body, this demon that overtakes her when realizing that her dream is only a few fingers away and yet, she can’t grasp it. The sabotaging woman is angry, as it seems, placing one hand over her chest and cursing her out. Her name rolls off her tongue easily, like she knows her, the only thing this bassist is capable of seeing is her mistakes. Instead, she gives a glimpse of her back, turning round to see the long column of Chanyeol’s neck, his Adam’s apple prominent, the neck in which she used to hide her face in her toughest times and now, she feels like if she tried, she wouldn’t recognize the man in front of her.
“Hey, just ignore her. You’ll get disqualified if you fight. You’re not like this.” He tells her, as if repeating what she already knows.
She’s not like this.
She’s not like this.
She’s not like this.
But she has to for the dream.
“I will. I just—I—” Her voice is cut off when she finally catches a glimpse of her bandmates, all waiting for her. There are moments in life in which she feels lost, suddenly wondering what happened to the sweeter side of life. One of those memories come from them; those three people that see her every day, Sam and Chanyeol…all definitely a reminder of the golden woman she used to be, now desperate, clawing to the bits of dreaming that are left for her. “I’m sorry I blamed you.”
“Hey—”
Without much due, she goes over to her bandmates, welcomed in arms that wrap around her and make her feel safe. She doesn’t know the person she used to be in the past or the one that hopes in the future, but she wants to better this version of her. Of now. And she wants to do it as peacefully as possible.
On the stage, she is not her split-ends or her cheap clothing, she is not the roughness of her fingertips or the troubled financial status she is going through. On stage, she is an artist. On stage, she feels like she can breathe.
And no one can get through her path to the spotlight, that is for damn sure.
🥁
Her feet barely touch the ground, preparations for the big night of performance taking the best of her, sleep ridden body resting against a comfortable seat, trying to ease the ache on her limbs. Her fingers carefully play the bass, a little bit softer than normally, coming up with whatever is going on through her brain as she wonders if she should go back home, wrap herself in the blankets on her bed and lay her back on a grainy mattress. That, or she could stay here, being one with the empty practice room, getting used to the lights on her, finding inspiration on the beautiful notebooks they were gifted thanks to the competition and practicing a bit more with this equipment she can’t get enough of.
Over anything, she is a music freak. The type of person that sat down during her recess at school simply to read the old music books in the library, the one that had fallen in love with another musician when she really felt like dating. The type of person who would only stop her crying if she listened to music when she was younger, or the type of person that does not bleed disappointment in her lyrics or tunes, but instead focuses on showcasing the million parts of her heart that connect with a note. Be it D or E or even B, whatever she feels is painted in hues of colors.
Sometimes, the words in the paper do more than talk to her. Sometimes, they get to be alive, as well.
But she is not a singer. Damn her and her voice, she has always thought she is a bit too rough, for she doesn’t have that angelic nature that comes with a singer, that charisma that connects a person and brings them to tears. Perhaps, the sound of her bass would never be the tranquility to a person’s hearts, but the lyrics behind her own band are her own. Someone out there would learn to breathe with happiness again with her own hopefulness, coming from the depths of her still innocent soul that asks for a happy ending.
Or a happy development. A happy beginning never happened, either way.
But it will happen, it sure will.
The sound of a person’s voice in the otherwise empty practice room captured her attention, making her halter her movements as she turns her face to the side, almost poetically. The music is what bounds people for life; a dedicated song, a handwritten piece, anything can be a reminder of the most atrocious or beautiful moments of life. In this case, a deep voice fills the air with the sound of words she had written years ago—stupid, lovesick, the type of song that would have made her giggle and now has her rolling her eyes while some kind of feeling settles in her gut.
Besides all memories that she shares with Chanyeol, songwriting is one of them. It is as if they are one and the same, like someone copied and pasted their artistic soul into the same person. Though, they are not quite like soulmates, breaking up with Park Chanyeol felt like the worst moment of her life, being ripped apart in half with what they had become. Second chances never came, too bitter because of the one thing that connected them. What had once been the reason behind their ‘hey, you like that song too?!’ became the end of their relationship.
Funny, considering Chanyeol was the first one to tell her nothing would happen to the band they dated…and he kept his promise, until she decided to leave for something ‘more of her own’. His own heartbreak heightened then, telling her if their friendship and the future of their group was meaningless to her. At the time, it was, and now that she is older she wonders just how much things could have changed if only they stopped competing against each other. Or, for the matter, trying to push their own beliefs on the other when they just wanted to change.
People grow…they can’t ever stay the same, and to expect that from someone is deadly for any type of relationship. Platonic or romantic.
That song he is singing is the first song they ever composed together. The tune? A mess. The lyrics? Too full of love. The memory? Enchanting.
She swears she can see the Chanyeol in their old apartment, shared with two other people, when she enters the practice room and immediately realizes her existence. An entire week has passed and yet, she cannot keep herself by his side for more than a second. She doesn’t want him to ask how she is doing, or ponder why she is obstinate and short-tempered now. It only comes to show that she is the same person that had left the group three years ago. However, his eyes soften, half-covered by the bucket hat on his head when his lips pout out to speak to her.
“It’s midnight. What are you doing here so late?”
She plays another note in her bass, throwing her head back and looking up at the sky. “Answer that same question first.”
“I was…uh…” He clears his throat after trailing his voice. “The equipment here is good and I wanted to try out some of the instruments without getting weird looks from anyone.”
Oh, right, how not to expect such a thing from the ever-talented Park Chanyeol, guitar player, bass player and singer, also leaving some trail of him in pianos and whatever he touches. Her life, included. She looks at him, then, pondering if she should comment about the song he was just singing. “I was here practicing.” She whispers, watching as he nods his head and trots over to the stage, pushing his backpack down on the floor before reaching over for the guitar. “Why don’t you take the microphone first?”
Chanyeol’s cheeks lift up in a smile at that, that infamous dimple appearing out of nowhere. “Why? Do you want me to?”
“You’re a singer hidden behind a drum-kit.” She tells him, stopping her motions on her bass before giving him a smile of her own. “I always told you, you should have been a back-up vocalist.”
His long fingers wrap around the microphone, as if pondering, and this is the way he is. He listens to people, to criticism, curiosity is just one of his traits. “…Ah, no, I’m not fitted for that position.” He tells her, looking ahead as if a crowd was in there, only to break his gaze and turn back to her. “I was meaning to tell you earlier this week that your music is sounding a whole lot better. Your technique has improved.”
“…I have had time to practice.” She confesses, aware of how her life has only revolved around music lately. For better or for worse. “I maintain my ground by saying I will only be fully pleased when I see you as a vocalist.”
“Oh, come on, you’ve heard me sing. I’m not that special.”
Like the hug of a person that smells just like them, not like perfume, not like body-wash, not like sweat or anything of the like. They smell like skin, soft and warm, like the place you belong in. That is how Chanyeol singing feels like. He never noticed it then, how all the anxiety she could have felt for the future was healed with just the sound of his voice, singing or not. “You are special.” She admits, standing up from her spot and cracking her knuckles. The common ache of a bassist. “I mean, you’re my ex, but I’m not stupid. I know talent when I know it. I sing like a dying rat, and you were the one to help me out with songs when we composed together.”
“You remember?”
“Of course I do!” She answers, pushing her hands in the depths of her pocket. “Sometimes I think of a rhyme and I am like: “Shit, this is so good” and then I realize I used it for our songs.”
Chanyeol chuckles at that, shaking his head and his whole body, like he does when he is extremely happy. “I do that, too.”
“Do you remember our first song?”
“…It’s cringe, though.”
“I know,” She answers, aware of how she would have expected him to simply press his mouth to the microphone and sing the words out. She sits by the edge of the stage by then, jumping down before shrugging. “I just wanted to remind you.”
“Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Alone?”
Reaching for her bag in one of the seats, she nods. “I have my pepper spray, my taxi number and a few punches if someone tries to try me.” Chanyeol’s lips quirk up at that, as if he is always amused by her, or perhaps he knows her enough to acknowledge that she is, indeed, one of the strongest yet softest people he knows. “Go home safe, Chanyeol.”
“You, too.” He says in the microphone, earning a laugh from her that she tries to muffle, pushing the entrance doors open before being welcomed by the elongated hallway.
The best part is when she hears Chanyeol humming to himself, the tune of their first song together clear, solid, like he has never quite forgotten it.
She is not Chanyeol’s first love, she believes, but she is surely one of his most astonishing ones.
🥁
The commotion of the city is loud in the background, but she can’t bring herself to care when the entire world rotates around the fact that there is a Rolling Stone magazine editor in the room, a journalist, the best of the best, looking for a band to interview before the grand event. Seong Im had insisted on wearing a dress for that party near the beach, the big flowers on the fabric contrasting with her dark skin, but she was against prepping herself too much for the party. Maybe, she should’ve. It could have caused more of an impression on the dress-cladded journalist that was inspecting the talents around the party, their appearances and how they seem to act in such a spot after their brief performances.
For a moment, she pretends to concentrate on the scenery outside of the wide windows, though her eyes catch a glimpse of the journalist every once in a while. The sand is almost crystal clear, the waves moving with one another, glistening under the rounded and full moon. The sky is almost black, she realizes, the same shade of her ripped jeans, something just to keep in mind. However, when she looks towards the journalist’s table, she realizes Chanyeol is nearing her, looking far more put together than she does, with a black button down that shines—perhaps, glitter is the new fashion for him—and a tight pair of pants, perfect on his legs and his calves.
Her feet pick up their speed, as fast as she tries to live through life, moving to his side before wrapping her hands around his arm. Well, it was meant to be his arm, the one with the house and the rose tattooed on it, she recalls, remembering the time she held his hand when he got them done. Nonetheless, that is what she is holding—his hand, warm, soft, delicate, like he is used to wrapping his fingertips around hers, barely slotted together and yet, imminently there. Chanyeol brings back all the memories in a simple touch, like she forgot how safe she felt when they walked together, hand in hand, instead of walking alone in separate ways. The tattoos on his knuckles match well with her skin, with the bracelet around her wrist that he may have given her in the past and when she looks at him, she can only babble an apology.
“I—I’m sorry.”
“Why are we holding hands?” Chanyeol asks, quirking his eyebrow up at their slotted hands, but the brief smile on his face speaks otherwise.
“I need you not to talk to the Rolling Stone journalist.” She tells him, placing her hands behind her back and she may as well tie them behind her back because there is no way in hell that by rushing to Chanyeol, she had held his hand. Some fish just don’t swim too far from the ocean. “…I have rehearsed my interview with her for the past week and I am about to approach her. I need to get that article. Please, just don’t.”
Chanyeol crosses his arms over his chest then, like he is trapping all his feelings in his chest. “I also want to be interviewed, silly.” He tells her, soon after rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. Don’t look at his forearms, she tells herself, but she partially wonders if their couple tattoo is still written in his skin. An emptied, outlined heart in half, the one that unites with her left arm, while his is on his right arm. It’s still there, like it is too hard to forget the mess they had made. “It’s the Rolling Stone magazine. Anyone wants to be there in an article.”
“…You already have a bit of fame around the city. I don’t.”
“What’s a little bit more of fame?”
Pushing her lips upwards, she tries to cover the half of her tattooed heart on her arm. Had he noticed? “You start to sound like me.” She tells him, aware of how star-struck and thirsty for fame she can be. “You never did it for the fame.”
“I could’ve changed.” He prompts.
“I hope you didn’t.”
“Why?” Chanyeol questions and she tries not to think about the amount of times she held on to him, and suddenly wrapping her arms around him and talk about their lives sounds like the best idea. She hasn’t realized that not a single person has ever made her feel like Chanyeol, not pre-him, not past-him. Everything would have been better for them if only music had not gotten in the way and now, music is what unites them again.
It’s easier to lie, but there she is, being truthful because Chanyeol’s eyes are enough to capture her. Brown, lord, so brown that she feels lost in the forest that is him. His skin glistens, his youth radiates even through aging, like he will always be Chanyeol, but not hers. “Because you are what the music industry needs.” She reassures. “Hookers, alcohol and drugs are overrated, they are an aesthetic. Music shouldn’t be about the visual; it should be a lifestyle.”
“That’s the type of visual you liked, though.” He tells her, pointy in his words like he is trying to prove that she was half of the reason why they broke up. The rest is his fault, as well. “You wanted the rock lifestyle. Why can’t I have it now?”
“Is this your way of telling me you like hookers?” She tries not to get him too close, changing the subject while staring at him and Chanyeol’s smile quirks up, embarrassed in the way his cheeks tint.
“Why? Do you care?”
“I do.”
But he doesn’t let go. “Why?”
“Because you aren’t like what you’re trying to make yourself to be,” She tells him. “You are one of the few hopes I have in society, actually.”
Chanyeol smiles at that, half hiding into himself but he is unable to. Too tall, too elongated, misguided body-wise, like he holds this skeleton simply to protect his softened heart. Maybe, making a mistake with her had made him a better man. She likes to believe so. “All props to hookers, don’t get me wrong, but I got out of a romantic situation not too long ago and I realized I’m more of that type of person. I’m tired of casual dating and hook-ups.”
So, he had dated. It’s expected; handsome and charming. She shouldn’t be mad, but she would be lying if she said there isn’t a ghost of jealousy inside her. “I see,”
“What about you?”
“I have never been with a hooker, if that’s what you’re asking.” She answers, bringing a laugh out of him.
“I’m asking if you have dated after…” His words trail after that, trying to find his place to ask that question. Their mistake, as she likes to call it. “After us.”
Say you did. Say you did. Lie to him and say you did. “I went out on dates, but…nothing serious.”
“I imagined you would have gotten someone by now.”
“I don’t need anyone, let’s start there.”
“Oh, I know.” Chanyeol tells her, looking down at his hands before chuckling. “Rather, I think people would need you.”
She scoffs at that. “I’m a mess,” She admits, because this is Chanyeol she is talking to. His hands could never hurt her heart, at least not intentionally. “I doubt I’d be any help for someone.”
“You helped me.”
“With what?” She asks, aware that Chanyeol had helped her grow more than he realized, before and after their relationship.
“Finding my place in music. You leaving the group had me devastated, but it gave me direction.” And that is the beauty of Chanyeol, how he stands up and dusts himself off as he travels endlessly. Maybe, that is why he helped her so much, just like she helped him. He showed her that one bad song isn’t a bad album; a painful memory isn’t a lifetime worth of sadness. Some people have to move on, for their sake, for their happiness, to find the light and the will in the world.
“Chanyeol—”
The man looks to the side, as if ashamed, pointing at the direction of the journalist as he sighs. “Someone took our spot already.”
Another band is seated with the journalist, as if they belong there, as if they are the new legendary small group. Somehow, she doesn’t care. “I don’t care.” She says. “Fame isn’t for me anyways.”
“You think so?”
“It drained away my light in my hunt for it. I can only imagine what it will do if I reach it.” She answers, licking the inside of her cheek before humming. “Have you eaten?”
“I was thinking of ordering something just now,” He replies. “Want to join me?”
“Sure, we can catch up.”
His eyes, brown and deep, a forest that starts to clear, light up at that. “I would love that.”
🥁
With a lollipop placed inside her mouth, Seong Im is seated on the hood of their old car, in front of the venue in which they are going to play in. The night is packed, only a small group of people—friends and relatives alike—gathering to see the stars. Well, as rock-star as it can get to battle for a position in a discography. Instead, her band is much too occupied in talking about the other individuals in the competition. “I don’t know. He’s nice and all, but Chanyeol looks like the type of dude who fucks in front of a mirror just because he thinks he’s hot. He probably flexes, too.”
She presses her lips together, looking inside her box of guitar picks before sighing. “He isn’t.”
And she should have shut her mouth entirely and sincerely, simply because there is a moment of dull silence before she realizes that she has just confirmed that she has a way of knowing. She doesn’t look up, however, pretending to be torn in deciding between two picks before Seong Im kicks her side softly. “Hey, how would you know that?”
Hee Young is the next one to speak, braiding her hair and interrupting her voice warm-ups to reiterate. “She definitely knows. They dated for like two years.”
Two years and eight months, to be exact. Not that long now that she thinks about it, it could have gone for longer if only they had put themselves first, even before music. The reminder is definitely not soothing and now that she gets to hear Seong Im gasp with one arm wrapped around Andrew’s uninterested persona, she speaks up. “Why didn’t you tell us that? We thought you hated him!”
“I don’t,” She announces, shrugging her shoulders soon after at the memory of the nights in which pressing her forehead to his was the only moment in which her headaches would stop. That being poor with him was what had pushed her to want to be rich and successful. That diamond rings only seemed to shine bright if he was there. “I could never hate him.” She has tried to, and for a while when they were dating she thought she hated him, but the fire from his soul would always be eased by the rain of her. There would never be anything more comforting than knowing she really tried with him.
“…So…that’s the band you were in before.” Seong Im finishes, blinking rapidly before resting her palm against her forehead. “Why did you leave?”
“We didn’t break up in good terms, I guess.”
“And why don’t you hate him? You should, if you ended up badly.” Her roommate continues, making her roll her eyes and close the lid of her woodened box.
“Because I was different back then. I let everything take the best of me, we fought too much…” She replies, wondering if things would have been different had she not being so closed up in her taste of music and had Chanyeol been more connected to his roots, not as experimental as he wanted to be. One too risky, the other too safe. “But it happened because it had to happen. I am here with you guys because of it.”
Hee Young chuckles. “You were heartbroken for a few months; dare I say a year.”
“Well, music put me back on track.”
“And music made you lost the love of your life.” Hee Young retorts, earning a sigh from her.
“I’d lose that and much more to music. I’m sure he thinks the same.”
Seong Im pushes her weight off the car, taking her by the arm and looking around the street before pushing her towards the car nearby, coated in layers of water and soap, all indicator of someone washing it. The car is not as old as hers, but she has definitely seen it before—and has been in it, as well—, and just when she looks in front of her after watching the smile on Seong Im’s face, she realizes who is washing this car.
It is a good look, too.
His sweater is wrapped around his waist, leaving him in a tank top even through the cold night. He must be freezing, too, with his hands rubbing furiously at the window. Chanyeol seems to be having a hard time, a pool of water by his feet settling him down. His eyes turn back at the sound of heavy steps and a squeal, both coming from her, and when he notices her, his frown seems to erase slightly. He calls out her name in such a way that seems like a song, enough to take the oxygen away from her lungs and she realizes then that music has really taken her life away. This man could have easily been by her side, she could be wrapped in his arms in this cold night, but they are too far away from each other, exes at their finest.
He is still kneeling, trying to get that spot in the window when she speaks up. “Did a bird poop on your car?”
“You’re saying it as if it didn’t happen,” Chanyeol comments, bringing laughter up in her when she kneels by his side, taking the other cloth bathed in soap to help him clean whatever content is on the window. “I had to go get some water inside and clean it. Just how embarrassing would it be if the journalists here saw my car with some bird shit on it.”
“It’s iconic.”
“It isn’t.” Chanyeol argues, his body shivering, the goosebumps over his arms noticeable. It is then that she realizes she is staring at his profile, his recently dyed red hair a reminder of that conversation they had after practice one of these days, in which he asked her for tips on how he could dye his hair on his own. It looked good, actually. She pushes her body closer to his, in a position in which their arms are placed together, earning a gasp from him. “…You…”
She looks down at their arms, realizing that the heart had formed, making her hiss softly. “Yeah…”
“You didn’t get it covered.”
“I couldn’t.”
“Why?”
“Do you really want to know?” She questions, watching as Chanyeol places one hand on the side of his face, his elbow resting against his strong knee, staring at her as if he can’t believe it and with amusement he chuckles. He really can’t, as it seems.
“I didn’t cover it because I love you too much. You were my best friend before we dated, I can’t simply erase you like that.” He whispers, like he doesn’t even want the wind to know. The rivers inside her become troublesome, reminder of how she had always tried to push him out of her body, saying that they would have never worked out and that he was the one at fault for never understanding her. The toxicity of them came when they decided to work together…or when they became obsessed with growing. “Truth is that I didn’t expect you to keep it on.”
So, this is why she fell in love with him, because he is sentimental above anything else. Chanyeol had once told her he loved her, a thousand times at that, but the first one is special. Seated by a window, looking out at the snow, he said the warmest thing there could ever exist. He spoke about his demons, the insecurities that ate at him, how he tried to move on too fast…to be faster than life itself, and how that kept biting at him. What dresses him in toughness is unable to keep him from her, show the real colors of the man she has loved. Continues to love in the depths of her heart, too. “…It’s part of me by now.” She tells him. “If I covered it, I was afraid I would lose me.”
“You wouldn’t,” He tells her. “Because you’re not my half. You are more than that.”
“…I know.” She replies. “I wish I had known that sooner.”
Her knees are about to give in, just in time for Chanyeol to stand up and take a dry cloth, rubbing at the windows with ease. “I guess it happens to the best of us.”
“Being friends, dating, breaking up and one of them leaving the group because they couldn’t even stand the other?” She asks, making a smile appear on his face. “That’s not very common.”
“But it’s our story.”
“So?”
“That makes it better.”
The sound of her band name being called makes her turn around, albeit hesitantly, because she doesn’t want this moment to end. She is being called to get ready, earning a sigh from her when she stares back at Chanyeol, only to see him stare at her like he wants to learn her. Study her. He needs to keep her in his memories for when he is old and he is bound to forget. “I have to go now.” She says, walking backwards just in time to see him lift a thumb up.
“Good luck in there.”
But the toughest of lucks was losing a man like him.
🥁
The skies above mock her, shining with city lights and clouds and stars, all too bright for her, a reminder that success is not knocking at her door. The thick yellow jacket on top of her white hoodie is supposed to make her feel more at ease, even remotely happy, but giving her best on stage only to come up on third place was definitely a low blow for them. Andrew took it the best, celebrating getting such a spot, but the women in the group were devastated. The victory goes to Chanyeol’s band, she tries to process, happy yet a bit puzzled.
What would her group do now?
Sam had taught her how to smoke and she doesn’t do it at all, but right now it sounds like a great idea, going for a drive and stopping at the usual gas station simply to pick up some snacks. Much to her delight, however, the same man that she has been watching for the past month, talking and reconnecting like they will earn something from it, is fueling his car just at that moment. Just like her, he is wrapped in cozy clothing, the tips of his ears red, bringing a smile to her face when she pushes the box of cigarettes to the depth of her coat. Now, she doesn’t need them.
“What’s up winner?” She asks him, making him widen his eyes and press a hand to his chest. Chanyeol turns around to look at her, smiling at the sight of her, though a bit nostalgic.
“Doing great.”
“I’m glad.”
“What are you doing here?” He is the first to ask, leaning his body against his car. His arms are crossed over his chest and she still feels giddy at the reminder that under those clothing, a tattoo keeps them connected.
“I’m going to grab some snacks, you know.” She tells him, clicking her tongue soon after and nodding, as if nothing is wrong. Actually, she is healthy and she got some recognition from her hard work. Her band may not be fine, but the future may be brighter, with less debt and more fame.
“Good,” He says. “Actually, I was planning on asking you something.”
She nears him, copying his position against his car. “What would that be?”
His lips part majestically, though a bit confused in their approach. “Sam and I were talking, along with our groupmates, and we figured we could have two bassists. You could join us before we sign our contract with the new discography.”
Chanyeol may be her past and god, he was one hell of a good past, the ignition of her dream of music…but her friends were there for her when they had broken up, she created a new world and discovered that her story with Chanyeol was mistaken when they added another lover to their sheets and their hearts. Music. “I’m going to say no.” She denies. “I am happy with my guys. Nothing against you…or your band, but I am not betraying my own.”
“I expected you to say that.” The wind blows near them, moving the strands of his red hair, his cheeks getting touched by the gentlest of pink touches. Chanyeol rarely blushes but the wind serves to caress his tan skin. “You were always too loyal.”
“That’s a good thing. We dated, after all.”
“We did.” Chanyeol comments, hearing the sound of his car getting completely fueled before paying attention to the task at hand. “I wanted to ask you something else—”
“What would that be?” She quirks one eyebrow, aware of how Chanyeol’s deep voice is doing its best to look for her joints and her bones, drag her back into the beauty of him.
“Since we won’t be able to see each other almost every day from now on, I thought I could take you out on a date.” For old time’s sakes, and to mend what was once broken. Like split-ends, their split will never end, for they will always come back together. “…Not that you have to say yes.”
On the tip of her toes, she reaches forward to shorten the distance between the two, her lips touching his in one of those brief ‘good morning’ kisses she gave him when they just woke up. At the time, Chanyeol was not much of a morning person, but he must have lit up this entire night with the taste of coffee-brewed kisses. She smiles, showing a big part of her teeth when she says: “Did you really think I was going to say no?”
Caught red handed, Chanyeol wraps his arms around her waist, leaving his mouth slightly ajar to kiss her softly, like he wants to serve every night they spent alone in just one try, bring warmth to every corner of their souls. He wants the ‘us’ they crafted back, the one before music could get in between them. “No.” He whispers. “I missed you so much.”
For the first time in over three years, she can wrap her arms around his shoulders, rest her cold nose against his neck and breathe in his scent when she promises herself they can get through this, they can love each other again, not like they ever did, with one heart palpitating to connect them, creating music that they could only share with each other.
“Not more than how much I missed you.”
#chanyeol scenarios#chanyeol#exo scenarios#exo#kpop scenarios#writing#exo au#exo fluff#exo angst#chanyeol au#chanyeol fluff#chanyeol angst#drummer!chanyeol#tell me what you guys think please!
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[bulletproof glass part 4] part 3
a/n: its 5am. i needed a study break. this is terrible. im very disappointed in myself but also not sure if i can put anything out thats better. i have failed, please dont hate me :(
god, do they even teach them how to shoot?
san smirks, easily dodging a badly aimed bullet from a poorly hidden sniper. not really a sniper at all, if you ask him. just someone too cowardly to come down and face the action on the ground.
weakness.
in the chaos of a building carpark, there are guns blazing and shouts echoing, the occasional yell of pain or shattering of glass as these terribly trained excuses of henchmen hit a car instead of their intended human target.
it’s music to san’s ears.
to his left, he registers seonghwa, barrelling towards him with a wholehearted intention to get him into a car and to safety, but san is just starting to have fun.
he takes down two guys who have at least a foot on him, but he barely breaks a sweat. adrenaline is pumping through his veins, and he thinks that maybe he doesn’t have to smoke tonight to be able to get high.
this is his drug. san is addicted to the danger of it all. it’s messy and wonderful, a dance that is ingrained into san’s brain and burned into his muscle from years of first hand experience. choi san is talented, and he’s about to show it.
he sees seonghwa veer sharply to his right, and he spares a glance in his direction. just in time to see seonghwa gun down two guys who were surrounding hongjoong, trying to take him down. the leader was to be captured alive, no doubt, to be used as leverage. if his father was here, these guys would be all over him like hyenas to a carcass. but he isn’t, content to let san and seonghwa handle tonight’s minor matters.
he’s mine.
the words thrum in his ears, fuelling his slightly fatigued muscles to keep going until all their enemies were down. he was the next in line to inherit the choi name, and he sure as hell was going to make his name known to everyone in the underground.
and perhaps the child in him still preens under his father’s praise, and he’s greedy for more.
but san is amused by the sight of seonghwa fumbling in his attempt to get to hongjoong, his usual grace lost in his worry. he almost reaches out to hongjoong, then freezes and recoils like hongjoong at shot him. san feels a stab of pity, but also a brief inkling of scorn
this is what affection does to you.
hongjoong had come with few guards, despite knowing that there was a high chance that this deal would go south. perhaps he trusted san more than he let on, or he thought that san had a bigger target on his back, and he would be able to escape unscathed if it came down to it
or, san thinks, maybe he knows someone here will die to protect him.
a hand comes flying out of nowhere, barely missing san’s face, and san whips around faster than lightning. he grabs the wrist, and is about to twist and snap it when he registers the face in front of him. a smile curls onto his face.
“we’re allies here, did you forget? how can it be acceptable to try and take me out?”
“wasn’t trying to take you out. distracted. person shooting. wanted to get your attention.” yunho is speaking in breathless pants, sweat beading on his forehead. he grabs san and tugs, and san finds himself going willingly. he lets himself get pushed behind a pillar, as yunho scans for more aggressive men in black.
there’s a feeling san can’t pinpoint blooming in his chest, and he shoves it away, letting his god awful flirtatious nature come up as a defence.
“so sweet of you, darling. but you look more tired than me. i’d have been perfectly fine, but i appreciate the sentiment.”
yunho doesn’t realise he’s stilll holding san’s wrist, too busy being on the lookout.
“shut up.” he scowls
san sees a brief release of tension in yunho’s shoulders when he spots hongjoong safe, a few meters away surrounded by the remainder of his guards.
“you should go join them, sweetheart. it’s time for you to flee.”
yunho’s eyes snap towards him, and he angrily spits, “we’re not fleeing, you bastard.”
san wants to laugh again, because infruriating yunho is so, so enjoyable. “i didn’t mean anything. they’re all gone, anyway. we won. no point staying around for the cleanup.” he lifts his wrist to yunho’s eyes, and they widen exponentially. yunho drops his wrist and steps back, putting some distance between him and san. san decides he preferred it when yunho was pressed against him.
yunho makes to walk away towards a gesturing hongjoong, but san’s the one to reach out this time.
“thank you, yunho. i appreciate it.” yunho seems surprised by the sincereity that laces san’s words, but he quickly reminds himself that san is more than a proficient liar. he pushes san’s hand off his wrist, suddenly wishing he hadn’t tried to help.
stupid, stupid yunho.
“and don’t worry, baby. you always have my attention.”
and there it is, classic san. can’t have a conversation without dropping some kind of comment that made yunho’s skin crawl. yunho flinches, and walks away. san is staring after him, his lips upturned.
yunho picks his way through the bodies littered on the ground, trying to ignore both the vast amounts of blood, and the way that his ears are burning.
if hongjoong notices how red he is, he presumes that it’s from the physical exertion. he’s scanning yunho for injuries, relieved to find none. regardless, he pushes yunho towards the car, ready to take him away from everything and shelter him as best he can.
he shouldn’t have brought him here in the first place.
hongjoong can’t help the deep tug in his gut that compels him to look around once more before stepping into the car.
seonghwa is rushing towards san, and san is smiling so broadly it disturbs hongjoong. he’s certain that san is a psychopath, or at least someone who enjoys witnessing pain. or maybe he’s so desensitized that this has all become a game for him.
either way, hongjoong darts his eyes down and gets into the car. he pretends that the relief flooding his chest is for himself, for yunho and for his other men. not for the bodyguard of his rival gang leader, who just so happened to perhaps have saved his life.
fuck this.
hongjoong is absolutely fucking screwed.
yunho spends the same car ride trying to forget the deep voice echoing in his ears and the hand around his wrist. he’s all too aware that he was frantically searching for san the entire time the fight was happening, barely registering his members. he should feel guilty, he knows, and he berates himself fiercely.
why yunho, why? he’s a sadistic monster, he could have killed you and called it an accident!
but somehow, yunho can’t bring himself to regret that he threw himself in front of a guy that could very well be holding a gun to his temple in the near future.
yunho is also, absolutely fucking screwed
“he tried to help me, hwa. isn’t that so cute? i could’ve taken all of them blindfolded, but it’s still adorable.”
seonghwa purses his lips, a sharp pang striking a chord in his heart.
san is sitting on his desk, swinging his legs back and forth as he recounts the night to him, nevermind that seonghwa was supposed to be the one delivering the report.
“that’s the first time someone besides me has done that for you, san.” seonghwa says quietly, more to himself than to san. but his charge, his friend, hears it anyway.
“i’m attractive, hwa. what can i say? you tried to play hero too. good job on that, by the way.”
seonghwa flinches at the reminder. it was too close for comfort, the way hongjoong had been a split second from being overpowered, and seonghwa had moved before he had time to think.
“i’m sorry for getting distracted.” he had failed. seonghwa was supposed to protect san, yet he had some kind of messed up tunnel vision and sixth sense that led him to jump to the defence of someone he isn’t even supposed to associate with-
“don’t apologise. i’m a better fighter than you, or him. i didn’t need it.”
i forgive you. i understand. don’t worry, you did the right thing.
that’s how they communicate. with hidden meanings and the hope that the other party understands.
in spite of everything that went down, seonghwa’s frantic about one thing, and one thing above all.
it absolutely terrifies him how choi san is whistling a happy tune from his lips recounting the way jung yunho had tried to press him into a wall for his own safety. san chalks it all up to nothing, but seonghwa sees more. san isn’t just amused, he’s happy.
he’s happy that jung yunho had tried to save him.
it’s mortifying, seeing this unknown emotion on san. seonghwa knows how to deal with an angry san, a drunk san and an indifferent san. seonghwa knows san.
but seonghwa has never seen san care. and it sure as hell feels like san is starting to care.
“would you have done it?” he whispers, and san trails off, narrowing his eyes at him.
“what are you talking about?”
“would you have jumped in front of a gun to save him?” seonghwa bites his lip. please, please say something snarky and cocky and arrogant.
“i’d just shoot the source of danger, hwa. have you lost your touch? can’t protect someone if i’m dead, now can i? remember that next time, i doubt hongjoong would want to see you die in front of him.”
seonghwa’s ears are ringing.
protect someone? san, since when have you ever wanted to protect someone? everyone is disposable to you, no? why him? why now?
but seonghwa swallows all his words, and san continues on his painfully oblivious humming. he can’t even tell that this emotion is new and different. he can’t tell that his mind is drifting to a hand gripping his wrist, and the pressure of another body pressed against his.
word of the day: endearment. maybe san would do good to learn some new vocabulary, so he can put a label to that weird sensation in his chest, and his burning desire to see jung yunho again.
maybe, san would come to his senses. seonghwa can only hope.
#ateez#fanfic#kpop#ao3#yunsan#choi san#jung yunho#seongjoong#ateez seonghwa#park seonghwa#kim hongjoong
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study plans?
recently i feel like my friend going to japanese college has motivated me to try to start studying japanese again. plus some spontaneous chinese here and there, more vocab/pronunciation/tone focused rather than grammar right now.
ended up a kinda long ramble lol, ill cut it up into two pieces.
i literally do daily: 1 duolingo so the owl doesnt hunt me down like the weak prey i am (any language)
i try to do once a day: 1 or 2 anki decks for vocab. for japanese i use many: JLPT N4, Genki 1 & 2 Including Genki Supplementary Vocab, Core 2k/6K Optimized Japanese Vocabulary, 2500 Most-Used kanji. For Chinese I use the HSK level 1/2/3 word list. these are seperate, just a pain to type lol. i dont use wanikani actually lol. the renaming of radicals annoyed/confused me, who was forced to learn the names of the very proper strokes in high school chinese lol. plus having no assessment test and having to start over from the very beginning and then getting the simplest kanji wrong because i remember the radical by its shape or a stroke by its proper chinese name and not a silly american name (no i did not learn this character is actually wearing a hat or a pot lid. thats weird.), i just got kinda annoyed and went back to simple anki flashcards lol.
3-4 times a week: going over 2-4 grammar concept from genki 2 so far. partly because when i was studying with my 2 friends over the summer we were doing a cramming thing for our friend to to get up to standards of the college they were transferring to, now attending. as a result, we uhh. kinda skipped over basically all vocab. only did the grammar, and sometimes not even all the grammar. we skipped over really simple stuff (ie the volitionary form which is just slapping a ~ou/おう at the end of things) and the stuff that was just -te form + some extra words. so i’m finally properly going over that stuff in full, alone. plus im rewriting/digitizing my notes in onenote bc pencil and pen kinda smear/fade over time so this will just be better if i want to go to my notes for reference in the future. the ease of searching by control+f is also nice compared to flipping thru pages in confusion. i also feel like my learning style is def repetitive related, so going over things a second time works for me. (for japanese im using using genki 2/the genki 2 track on bunpro.jp. (this website is incredible and for the most part free. even if you want the premium sub version, the cheapest sub plan is $2 a month! while i dont have it, i did do the free trial when i first signed up and it was ok and you can totally do the free version and get all the barebones japanese grammar explanations from like 4 different textbooks) when/if i ever finish genki 2, ill just check out the minna no nihongo track on bunpro, more to see if there’s any grammar that gets covered in that one that genki doesnt have. if they’re just the same but a different order or something, ill just move on to the tobira track since its the intro to real intermediate japanese grammar.) i might check out the free textbook irodori, more out of curiosity than seriousness honestly. iroiro uses a different fluency grading system than the common JLPT N5-1 levels, iroiro uses the Common European Framework of Reference for Languages: Learning, Teaching, Assessment, or CERFL. Since im focusing on the JLPT N level standards and these are totally different curriculums and stuff, im not sure how helpful irodori will be to me at this point but ill look at it because its a free textbook. when i try to relearn chinese again ill dig out my integrated chinese textbooks (goodreads), only intermediate since i seem to have lost my beginner editions somewhere in my house between moving from college dorm to house every summer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . i might check out the all set learning site, it seems to both HSK and CERFL. ill probably review the HSK 1-2 stuff real quick since thats basically what i learned in high school/college and i kinda forget a lot since its been like 6 years now. then ill maybe hopefully finally get to HSK 3. ill try to watch videos from yoyochinese on youtube too. she explains things really clearly and helpfully to native english speakers in a way that my previous teachers havent been able to. ill stick to the youtube tho since ive heard that the actual courses from her website are very expensive for online self study tho, and purchasing a regular textbook would be cheaper lol.
once a week: try to use words from anki decks + whatever grammar i learned in practice sentences/make up sentences yourself. this is a bit hard bc since im self studying if my sentences end up wrong/sounding awkward to a native speaker i am not really sure how to check lol. i’m on polyglot.city (a mastodon instance focused on language learning/blogging) and i post there sometimes and people have helped me/rated my sentences every now and then but recently its been very slow. (japanese, altho i hope that i regain enough of my mandarin skills to do this again sometime)
every 2 weeks: after accumulating grammar for a bit, i try to read a grade/language level appropriate short story in the language. (hint: the level of a toddler probably lol.) for japanese i started using satori reader, altho other short story apps exist. for chinese there’s du chinese and tcb/the chairman’s bao. honestly i use du chinese just because im too lazy to make an account for tcb, altho i may finally make an account and use it one day. one day..... (japanese and chinese)
for japanese i just want to get to tobira right now and then long term is simply reaching what is probably jlpt n3, the typical not quite fluent but still ok enough to conduct business or ask a native speaker for help in a convenience store. kinda eh, a good middle intermediate level. from that point, i should be ok enough to try to read a YA novel. no not a light novel (might try it tho) but like a regular novel for middle schoolers. or maybe doremon? ill see where it goes from there. i hope to at least be able to understand some of the things an average person would like a weather forecast on the nhk or a short newspaper article. maybe ill take the actual jlpt test someday.....not sure how to sign up/where to find it in my city tho....
for chinese, i just want to know more vocab and improve my tones/pronunciation right now.
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I’ve been debating for the better part of six months whether or not to post this, because it’s probably one of the most personal things I’ve ever written (definitely the most personal thing I’ve ever written about my aromanticism).
But it’s Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, and now is as good as a time as any. So here it is.
The boy in my English class dislikes almonds in his chocolate.
He prefers dark chocolate to milk, doesn’t like M&Ms of any shape or form, uses pens he finds off the floor, and wants to study mechanical engineering like his older sister who is four years older than him.
I do not know why I know all this.
Or really, I do know. We sit at the same table in class, brushing elbows occasionally as we do group work, and argue about where pink goes in the rainbow. (“Before red,” I say, organizing the mechanical pencils, but before I place the pink one, he takes it and puts it after purple.) We discuss chemistry and precalculus, poring over mathematical problems that define our lives within these walls. We mention how the flutists are bad at marching, causing the other girl at our table to say not all flutists. We talk in the halls, walking past each other to get to class and sharing inside jokes that are just thinly veiled arguments.
Most days I find myself thinking about how this happened. We have nearly nothing in common, because he hates electrochemistry while I love it, and if we hadn’t arbitrarily sat next to each other at the beginning of the year, we wouldn’t have ever talked. We should be strangers, only meant to pass each other in halls, but now we’re something else.
Acquaintances. Friends, maybe. Something more, possibly.
My entire life, I have heard girls talk about boys. Because girls like boys. Because that boy is cute. Because that model is hot. Never have I understood this. I spent years staring at pictures and wondering if I’m missing something. What does hot and cute even mean?
If we were going to talk about attractiveness, why didn’t we talk about girls? Especially that one girl in my third period class with the prettiest hair and excellent taste in music?
We gossiped in P.E. once, sitting in a circle on the football field and whispering amongst ourselves so the others couldn’t hear. One of the girls, two years my senior, discussed her boyfriend and their sex life. Another nodded, agreeing with her on something or another. I sat, hands in my lap, not knowing how they could want to have sex with someone else. I tried to figure out how all of them, five girls in total, excluding me, had boyfriends. Girls are better than guys, was on my tongue. What’s the point of dating? I didn’t say.
Later I find out I am aromantic and grey asexual. Words heavy on my tongue, I tell no one.
One day I find there is more than one type of attraction. Platonic, romantic, and sexual are the most commonly talked about. There's more, like alterous — a type of attraction about wanting emotional closeness that is not entirely platonic or romantic. I think back to the boy in English class, who doesn’t eat French fries and likes grape Jolly Ranchers and plays Bloons Adventure Time TD, and what I feel for him. I don’t think he is cute, even though some people say he is okay-looking, whatever that means. I don’t want to kiss him, even though that’s what most people want to do with people they like. I don’t feel this burning desire to be called his girlfriend or take his last name, even though I think that is what girls think about.
I want to sit on a bench in the shade with him, listening to music together. I want to send him memes at two in the morning, laughing at jokes that shouldn’t be that funny. I want to lean against his shoulder, talking about the homework we have this weekend.
There are no dates, no romance, no flowers. A friend and her significant other who visited from Florida watch movies together while holding hands. My friends in a relationship with each other cuddle in class when nothing is happening and during lunch when they’re tired. My friend receives her favorite flowers from her boyfriend and presses them in books.
It doesn’t sit well in my stomach.
I do not want that. Holding hands in the dark while watching movies repulses me. Cuddling in public or for recreation terrifies me. Receiving flowers of any kind from someone bores me. I do not get those fluttering butterflies around the people I like, only lingering looks and awkward conversations. I do not get those pining thoughts about the people I like, only passing thoughts of oh that’d be nice irregularly.
My attraction is different from others. Even with the boy from English class, the only person I have ever liked this way, I do not get those landmarks. For the first time in my life, I find myself feeling something normal, but it is then ripped away when I realize that I like this boy — a boy that I do not find cute, a boy that I do not want sex with.
He dated someone before, two years ago. A smart girl who loves doing chemistry labs that liked him — actually liked him, unlike what I feel for him — eventually broke up with him when he showed no interest in her. I know that if I ever confess, in a convoluted way that’s only possible with a vocabulary lesson, the same thing will happen to me. The boy I like agrees to date me because we are friends who go over quiz questions and complain about physics together, and eventually I learn he does not like me as much as I like him (or, worse, I cannot like him the way he wants me to), and we break up.
Our relationship will be uneventful. Boring. Mundane.
Then again, I am uneventful. Boring. Mundane. I do not like people, do not want to date anyone, do not want to have sex. I barely even like the person I do like, the first person I’ve ever been intensely attracted to.
Someday we will graduate high school. He will study mechanical engineering. I will forget about him, the boy who dislikes almonds in his chocolate, and my life will go back to being what it was before.
Whatever it was.
#aromantic spectrum awareness week#asaw 2019#asaw 19#aromanticism#aromantic#writing#aspec#phoebez#I might delete this later#also this has always been untitled#I'll take suggestions for titles?#I literally have no idea what I could title this
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