#i dont know what my next option is everything hurts and i want it all to stop i just want everything to stop
Text
rnating. u can scroll past
i dont even kno where to begin everything is just bad and everything aches and everything is empty and each waking moment just feels Bad and its hard to sleep and the Bad feeling wakes me up in the middle of the night and its the first thing i feel when i wake up is just Bad and e mpty and its been over a month and when i say ive tried everything to feel better like i have lmao ive tried all thrhee types of antidepressants and ive tried nicotine and weed and positive reflection and gratefulness exercises and not self h*rming and doing physical exercise ive tried going out to socialize more often and scheduling time out for hobbies and ive tried surrounding myself with the color yellow and eatinng a better diet and keeping up with self care and getting therapy and staying hydrated all at once all at the same tiem and still still it feels like this and im really just. i really feel like it wont get better lmao this really feels like a brand new low and ive just been feeling like this for at least a decade if not longer and i hate living like this but nothing fucking helps in fact like i said ive felt worse than ever before it just doesnt feel like it will get better no matter what i do because i feel like ive done almost everything i could possibly do and it just hasnt worked. and i feel like its only going to get worse because the future is Ass like the news and the gov and the politics and the climate and working your whole life away for nothing and im so scared ill get a job that i dont like and make everything so much worse and im just so mad and sad because i switched out of my old phsics major bc it was too much for me and it destroyed my psyche bc me and my friends would like spend 6 hrs after class in the student tutor room trying to get help for one proble and the tutrs didnt even know how to solve it and i was like i cant throuw my youth away doing this because i already did that in high school and it got me fucking nowhere so i switched out to have time to live life but then covid happened and i was too late anyway bc by then everyone had their friend groups already and still now i dont have. like. friends lol. so i switched out of my dream major but there was no life for me to live so it really feels like it was all for nothing and also idk if this is for everyone but weed out classes made me feel brain damaged and like destined to be stupid even now im like im not smarte nougha dn im not tough anough and im not reilient enough and it has instilled in me this forever guilt and forever self doubt idk how to explain it i just feel so bad bc i really did like physics i just wasnt smart or strong enough i guess lmaoooo but the thing is if i knew thhat there would be no life to catch up on. i wouldve just stayed in that major bc i didnt need to do anything else. now im in english w all the time in the world and straight As and my friends dont invite me to their hangouts.
and then theres also the fact that idk i feel bad saying this but for some reason ppl of my own gender and race dont like me lmfao like i still cant believe ppl of my own race and gender would like. try to get me to not be on the elevator at the same time as me we r both waiting for the elevator and then she gets in and closes the door on me when we are BOTH WAITING THERE. and this has happened w several complete strangers several times and im like what do u have against me fr im trying so hard to be a better person im trying so hard but it feels so u nfair. and the beauty standards are so extreme and i never fit in and it makes me feel like shit and guys of my race will always call me ugly completely unprompted or something and im just like. im just trying so hard. and i have 0 social skills bc i spent all of my time as a kid studying bc i love avademia and it was the only thing anyone ever respected me for cos i was always the kid that was the butt of jokes and pranked on and left out so i was like i have to be smart if i want to be respected but then i have no social skills but i still dont have any lmao and i feel so lonely bc i dont know how to make deep and close connections and ive never been in a relationshipand “everyone will get their time” or whatever but the lack of experience is scary bc i feel like im goonna fuck something up inevitably bc ive never done this before and/or i will have trust issues and self confidence issues bc of how im always treated and its like yeah enjoy being alone but i have been alone my whole life and i feel like ive exhausted everything out of it i want connections now i want to share things now. going to restaurants and parks and shops by urself and having a good time is fine but i have been doing that for over ten years im old now i want. i want to share my life w someone but theres no one to share it with lol. and the longer i go without sharing it it just feels like the less hope there is for things changing. i tried googling how to socialize and make conversations and form closer bonds but it just doesnt work and i feel like i was never destined to be happy or have good things bc everything ve tried at never has worked out. i wanted to go to a nice college and failed. i wanted to be a physicist and failed. i wanted to make friends and failed. i wanted to be ina band and failed/ i wanted to make my own career and failed. its been over ten years. i want it all to stop i dontn want to try anymore i know how it always turns out.
#and i feel like i have to get a nice job bc like#in my culture the children care for their parents right and i have always felt like a parasite child#to my parents so ive always wanted to like take care of them annd just like be nice to them back so#i thot i could get a good job and send them money but this job might kill me bc i dont like it#but i also feel like i cant ruin their legacy bc they were immigrants and worked rlly hard to get#to where they are now and i dont wanna fuck that up but like oh my god#oh my god idk everything hurts so bad#and ive grown to be so bitter and so angry bc the way im always treated and ill be rlly curt#towards ppl that dont deserve it so the guilt just keeps piling up but ic abt control it either#bc my parents also just put this stress on me and also dont help w me socializing like every summer#i come back bc i have to but then my friends on the rare occassion they invite me i cant go#bc my parents dont let me#idk im just so sad and bitter and angry and full of guilt#when i was a kid i made a promise to myself that i would try to make the best life decisions so that this wouldnt happen#but i ended up becoming the very thing i swore i would never become and it is just so sad#its just the fact that ive done everythingin my power to help for as long as i could its been several years#and its only gotten worse but i know i even tried to d ie several times ad failed at that too#i dont know what my next option is everything hurts and i want it all to stop i just want everything to stop#and w grad school approaching im burdened w another decision of. leaving my band and starting over#or staying in a place i never wanted to be anyway and i donnt know what the move is#im so out of hope im contemplating op iates or xan or something bc i dont know what else to do ive tried#ive tried
1 note
·
View note
Text
Back to you part 2
Angst, omegaverse, male reader
🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐
(name) just stared at the blond man holding him close, this is what he wanted for years.
Its what he dreamt of.
But more than anything?
He was absolutely filled with a rage he didn't think was possible.
"Shit--" Mikey was pushed away from him as an angry omega glared at him "I lost my baby because of you" (name) spat out, body shaking not from fear but from everything Mikey's actions had put him through emotionally and physically. "(Name) it was for--" "I dont give a FUCK what it was about, all I know is one day my mate is there and the next hes dead! I HELD A FUNERAL FOR ALL OF YOU! I LOST MY BROTHERS! I THOUGHT MY ENTIRE FAMILY HAD DIED!" (Name) screamed as he pushed mikey back, the Alpha letting him do this because... He knew be deserved this.
"You promised Manjiro" (name) had fat tears rolling down his face "I was holding your grandfather's hand as he passed, did you know that? While you were off doing god knows what? Instead of seeing his last living grandchild he saw the broken grandchilds mate who he abandoned" (name)s voice was venemous as he looked at mikey dead in the eyes. "Those closest to my heart faked their deaths and abandoned me" (name) was now laughing and Mikey never felt fear in a long time but for once?
He was terrified.
(Name)s face went serious as he stormed out and into what seemed to be a lounge "(name), its a pleasure to see you again" Ran said calmly, assuming the poor heartbroken omega would run into his alphas arms.
But he was dead wrong.
"Get the fuck away from me before I burn this god forsaken building to the ground" (name) said coldly as they looked to see Mikey looking disheveled but not in a post sex way, in a he got his ass beat way.
"(Name) we can explain" Kakucho tried to appease the half-feral omega who wanted nothing more tham to beat the ever living shit out of them "I dont need one" (name)s tone was cold "You guys wanted to play crime lord without an omega keeping the boss weak" (name) said simply, it was obvious despite his rage "you guys killed his heir by the way also this piss idea made him look like absolute shit"
"Watch --" Sanzu was cut off with a harsh glare "watch what Haruchiyo? Watch the fact my loved ones live their happiest lives as i deal with the loss of literally my entire family? The child I was going to tell my Mate about when he was supposed to get home? Only to find out he died with everyone else and THEN after years find out oh look theyre alive and living the life of luxury" (name) gave a cold cruel laugh "elaborate to me, what should I be watching?"
They remember how (name) was before they left, sweet and always deverted to Mikey no matter what.
This?
This was a stranger.
A changed person.
A person hurt beyond repair.
"I spent my life mourning a fucking lie" (name) said almost methodically.
"I wasted my life mourning a man who clearly didnt love me"
"I did love you" Mikey was forceful as he grabbed his mates shoulders and looked at him with a desperate expression, the face of a man who wasnt ready to lose his mate "dont you love me?"
"I always loved you" (name)s voice was empty "but I also know betrayal, you betrayed me... You all did"
"And didn't you teach me never negotiate with traitors?"
The room halted as mikey looked at him horrified "you cant leave " Mikey said almost begging "what like how you left me? At least im giving you a warning" (name) fired back and tried to escape mikeys hold but the alpha held him tight.
"Please..." He begged and (name) was cold.
"Where was my chance to plead for you to stay? Why do you always get the options?" (Name) snapped as he started struggling to get out of his hold, it seemed after all these years mikey got stronger somehow.
(Name)s inner Omega pleaded with him to accept their alpha but (name) absolutely refused.
What mikey did was beyond exuse.
(Name)s body went limp as he spoke "after this, I dont think I can look at you guys... At least for a very long time..."
The room was filled with so many negative emotions, it was almost suffocating.
(Name) eventually broke free and wandered to the elevator, the guards looking at Mikey for what to do and the alpha rushed to hold (name) "p-please..."
"Keeping me here wont fix things"
"Please let me fix this...please"
#tokyo revengers x reader#tokyo revengers x male reader#male reader#bonten x reader#omegaverse#omega male reader#mikey tokyo revengers#mikey x male reader#mikey x reader
426 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hello! I saw ur request for well requests. So If this concept helps. I’d like to see your take on Jing Yuan/ Sampo Koski/ Blade and maybe Gepard on when the reader as their s/o is maybe like ambushed by an enemy and how they comfort the reader after it or nurse them back to health (it may be a lil angsty but I’d like to see your take)
gn! reader being extremely injured and how they react
characters: jing yuan, blade, gepard
im sorry idrk sampo and didnt write him though i hope you like it! :((
jing yuan
you and jing yuan were fighting jingliu after she caused a catastrophe within xianzhou luofu after being possessed by mara.
jing yuan kept insisting for you to back out and evacuate but you were stubborn and did not listen to him which lead to you taking a lethal attack from jingliu. thankfully you survived and jing yuan carried you right away after he defeated his former master.
worried about your state, he holds you tightly enough but not so much to hurt you, bringing you to get aid and to rest. poor him he is super worried, he felt a bit emotional but kept his nonchalant calm face on.
seeing you lay and rest up while he voluntarily takes care of you despite him also having injuries. yanqing tells his master he should also rest and that he can take care of you. yanqing tried his best to comfort him and force him to also heal up.
the next day, the general was eager to know if you were awake and okay. going into your assigned room, he was very happy to see you awake though that does not stop him from scolding you.
“(name) i am happy that you are with me my beloved however please listen next time when i say to back out. i am very worried about you and mimi was looking for you last night. i do not want to hear you insist and you will follow what i say. your life is important to me, do you understand?”
blade
you always like to accompany blade whenever he is out on missions. after all, supporting your boyfriend and boosting him will help him finish the mission faster while you also do great damage to enemies. then afterwards you aid him and then he gives you his affection and everything you ask for.
however fighting this boss made it to be difficult. you were already hit couple times and this boss and its minions kept targeting you.
this made blade extremely rage and tried to eliminate every enemy all at once though that wasnt enough to destroy all of them.
the only option left was to run. blade then carried you and escaped. even though blade was hurt, he didnt care as long as it wasnt you. hearing you cry how painful your injuries were made him a different type of anger. he is so sure he will defeat those little shits into pieces.
returning to the stellarons’ hideout to get you aided by the healers there, he is very impatient because they took it too slow for his liking. he then decided to bandage you on his own and bring you to them later. people knew how irritable he was however this was something else and just terrifying that they will just step away from him.
surprisingly he is super gentle and would make you drink pain relievers as you let him care for you. he scolds you as you slowly were feeling better but you just knew he was worried.
“tsk i dont fucking care if we failed the mission but next time, i will do some missions on my own. shit maybe most of it just so i know you are safe. i do not want you to… almost die. i would not be able to bear with the guilt and grief. you are my only one and i need you to stay alive.”
gepard
being the captain of the silvermane guards, he is inclined to always protect you. he would fight with you hand in hand and he would shield you from anything.
he trusts you and he knows you can fight as well as him. maybe even better. he would make you train the silvermane guards and you do a great job with it.
silvermane guards praise you for your strength and how lucky gepard is to have a partner like you. gepard is proud of you and is thankful for things that you do for them.
until one afternoon, you decided to accept a commission to defeat a bunch of monsters lurking by the city. without gepard’s knowledge about it, he was just surprised when one of the guards was carrying your body and you writhing in pain.
would be super anxious and emotional, holding your hand tight while you were being healed. even though the doctors were telling him to step out but he insisted and stayed. serval eventually had to tell her brother he has to step out in order for the doctors to fully pay attention to you. she comforted him, telling him you will be okay since you are so strong.
when he was finally allowed to see you, he was relieved and happy that you are alive. he then tells you to tell him about your commissions before going.
“my dear… im so glad you are alive and healthy. please be careful. please tell me about your commissions before you head out and make sure you know what type of monsters youre fighting. please… just be safe and bring me along with you.”
#honkai star rail#jing yuan#jing yuan x reader#blade x reader#blade hsr#hsr blade#blade honkai star rail#gepard#gepard x reader#gepard hsr#gepard honkai
525 notes
·
View notes
Text
-A good warior listens to his woman-
(A/N: hellooo 2nd writing and ive noticed that my writing improved! Please give feedback! This is also my youtuber apology video so yayayaya)
Summary: Neteyam wakes you up, you guys are about to leave but you don’t realize that your heat cycle has started.
(p in v, kissing, fingering, matching press, aftercare, just overall be cautious if u have some sort of problem with this type of writing)
Enjoy!
“Teyam?” You awoke to his face close to yours, not intimately but protective.
“Shhh, tìyawn. my sa'nu is near—put your cloth on, now. We are to leave in minutes”
you quickly reached for your own chest, realizing your top wasnt on. In a panic you grabbed the closest thing—that being teyams loin cloth. Woah, your mate was naked. Woah, you are the reason. Fuck.
“my tanhì, what are you doing? Give that back”
He said as the handed you your own beaded beuatiful top.
“Teyam, why must we leave? I dont want to travel. I dont feel well.” You looked at him, the faintest blush covering your face
“How do you feel? I can always just follow after them, we can leave in about a week if thats what you need?” He said as he crouched next to you, he put his hand on your forehead and then a worried look crossed his face, “How do you feel? your warm.”
“I feel like im in lava, its hot—no, im really hot.”He placed his hand on your stomach, causing you to flinch, “Ah, teyam! Dont do that, it felt…weird”
You could hear him hiss before he spoke up, “You may be in heat, your warm to the touch and very sensitive.” His words made you aware of how hot you actually were, his hand cooled down your core but it made you flinch as it somewhat shocked you. “Seeing as im your mate, i will do anything to help you.”
“Nete, its fine. Just a short travel, right?” You tried to stand up, as quickly as you got to your feet, even quicker you fell. “Nevermind, so whats ways that you can help me? This is my first mating cycle.” You sat up, the cold air hitting you wrong in every way.
“Well, i can..mate with you, if thats what you want. There is other remedy’s to stop your cycle but they hurt somewhat and are just medicines from the tsahik.” He said, “I would rather mate with you.” You considered his words, the suddenly it didnt feel like an option, you needed him, you needed his body, his touch, everything. Your own body was betraying you cause only a look at him got you so aroused.
“need you, nete.” In a flash, he picked you up, carrying you to a more private spot, all he needed was your word. You whimpered with each of his steps, sending a delicious vibration through your whole body. As you and neteyam reached the secluded area, he placed you down, removing his loin cloth and your own. “Nete, it hurts, i need you!”
“I know, i know you need me, just sit tight.” a few soft kisses landed on your body, kissed turning sloppy and wet. He landed a kiss on your mouth then he pressed your legs up and gently put his two fingers in you, “Do you like that?” He then put his fingers in you at knuckle length slowly pulsing them in and out.
“Y-yes, i like that. Please nete, move faster!” At your command his fingers picked up pace, your sweet moans filling the air. He leaned down to kiss you and he let his freed member touch your clit, you clenched on his fingers, making him hornier than before.
“Could i—nah, im gonna make you cum on my tongue.” He placed your legs over his shoulder and licked you slit, pulling his fingers out of you and pushing his tongue in, you let out a pornographic moan as he destroyed your clit. “You taste so sweet fa’ me? hm? Such a good girl taking my mouth so well. You dont gotta cum in my mouth but be ready for me. This is all just a warm up.”
“Nete! P-please slow down!” At you command, once again, he slowed down. He slowed down enough to have you moaning in displeasure. But to his suprise, you reached down to try and do it yourself, he noticed and pulled your hands away then pushing the head of his cock into your entrance. The moan that ripped from your lips? Pure ecstasy for him.
“Tsìltsan 'eve, your already moaning like that from my tip? I just might fill you up withs some babies, lets see you with a swolen belly, that would be good, hm?” With that, he pushed in farther, filling you with just half. He noticed that you were mewling so he started slower, in…out…in…out, it was torture.
“Nghh, nete! Stop! Pull out!” This came as a shock to him, but he listened. He pulled out and fisted his cock. “klltxeykay, i will show you what i want.” (klltxeykay means lay down) As he laid down, you climbed on top of him. Slowly you pushed im in you. He whimpered. For the first time that you have heard, he whimpered. You could cum to whatever noise he made but this alone had you more wet than you’ve ever been. You grabbed your braid, and he grabbed his, as you rode him he connected them, the pleasure making him cum deep inside afterwords.
How did you get in this position? Like this, you would be willing to have a million babies if this is what the sex felt like. You were fully aware of every little thing. In this position, your knees were almost at your head, folded like a blanket. Your ankles were barley touching his shoulders, whole body shivers of pleasure making your legs wobble.
“Ne-Nete! gonna cum!”
“Again? I must be making my prrnen feel so good. Cum with me.” After that was pure chaos, your whole body tensed and un tensed, ultimately knocking you out. Neteyam didn’t realize at first and came in your unconscious body, as he did realize, he put your clothing back on along with his and carried you back, it already being nightfall.
Once you came to, you were on a ikran, neteyam flush to your back and your head supported by his arm. You were leaving the forest to find a new home. Neteyam handed you a small flask of water, some fruits too. Since you were airborne, some better after care would have to wait.
You were okay with that.
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
second, never first
part five | part one | part two | part three | part four
chris x fem!reader
summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes on feelings develop, only its one sided.
warnings - swearing, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol)
word count - 1k
-
its been a week since i was at chris’ house and i made the deal with him. little did i know this deal would lead to what felt like eternal hell.
one second chris was showing me different guys from his team that he thought i might like, and the next was spent with me trying to convince anna to make a move on chris.
“anna i really see you and chris working out. both of you could finally settle you know?” i state internally wanting to take back what i just said.
“y/n, he constantly talks about the girls he fucks every week and tells us both everything about his life, its just not right.” she replys.
“what do you mean, you do the same thing. you always ask him for advice and show off the guys you talk to.” i say. its strange to me that anna is so opposed to this idea as she seems to get jealous at any thought of chris being kind to me.
“y/n i dont know about this, i mean whats to say he wont treat me the same as the other girls he talks to. i really dont want to get hurt.” she breathes
“just give it a chance, if you two dont work out everything can go back to normal.” i plead putting my hand up to her shoulder, “trust me.” i say
she pauses for a moment, “ok i trust you.” she mumbles. i let out a breath i didnt know i had been holding once she answers. i am actually doing this. setting my best friend up with the person i desire most. it almost doesn’t feel real when i smile and shake her hand about it.
-
chris invited me over to his house to go through options of guys that he could potentially set me up with, for the third time this week. were sitting on his bed just going through his instagram and looking at our school sports team account.
“nope.” i say shaking my head at one of the options. “no? kid we need to lower your standard we have been doing this for days now” he says his eyes going wide. i shrug my shoulders and he keeps scrolling.
i watch over his shoulder as he sits in front of me. scrolling through the account and i see a guy that looks half decent compared to the other guys hes shown me, “wait-“
he stops scrolling and looks at me as i reach over his shoulder to swipe back to the guy.
“whats he like.” i say smiling and pointing. “oh carson? yeah hes a cool guy, very quiet, nice, really good kid.” he says. “ok perfect.” i say sitting back down.
“really? you actually like someone!” he says with excitement.
“yep, i expect you to hold up your end of the deal, i got anna on board.” i say “no shit?” he says questioningly. “yep, she just doesn’t want you to treat her like the other girls you always talk to you know your ‘fuck and dumps’” i say referencing to the text messages with alice. “i know i actually want to try to be different, i can’t guarantee i wont break her heart in the end but im willing to change.” he breathes as he moves to lay on his back.
change, for anna. who would have thought i would be helping the guy ive fallen head over heels for get with my own best friend. life’s full of surprises i guess. “well i guess you better make that change quick.” i breathe and sit criss cross.
we sit in silence for a moment before i look over at him “chris.” i breathe. “hmm?” he says not looking away from his phone. “what do you plan on doing about my situation?” i question. “sweet talk carson into liking you.” he states.
“what if it doesnt work?” i say. “what are you talking about kid?” he asks looking over at me. “what if carson doesnt like me.” i mumble looking down and fumbling with my fingers. “he will, dont worry about it im smooth with it.” he cockily replys. “i understand, but what if he doesnt?” i say looking up to face him.
“he will.” he pauses, “y/n we need to get you some confidence.” he says leaning on his arm while laying on his side. “ill work on it.” i say
“thats my girl.” he smiles going in for a high five. i slightly smile and high five him back.
-
the past few days has been miserable. watching your two best friends and the guy you like talk romantically in front of you is torture. i am living my own personal hell.
along with that chris actually got carson on board with going on a date with me, which is currently what im getting ready for now.
i have been pacing around my room trying to figure out what to wear. i settled on a black long sleeve crop top and blue jeans with my hair curled.
i pick up my phone and facetime chris.
“kid what do you need im in a round right now.” he says urgently as he answers the phone removing his headphones and puts them around his neck.
“chris im freaking out is this a good outfit for a date.” i breathe propping my phone on my night stand and walk away from it.
“uh yeah.” he says clicking away on his controller, looking between me and his game.
“chris oh my god its awful isn’t it?”
“no, no its perfect. makes ya ass look nice.” he chuckles. i cover my eyes with my hand and shake my head. chris laughing at my shyness.
“chris this isnt funny actually tell me if this is a good outfit please.” i plead. “yes kid its a nice outfit, why didnt you call anna to help you with this.” he huffs. “because, anna doesnt know.” i state, “why didnt you tell her.” he asks confused. “well i just decided to wait incase this doesnt work out.” i state picking my phone up off the night stand.
“kid it will work out just fine im serious, you need to trust me on this.” he breathes.
i walk to my bathroom and start doing makeup. “whats that?” he asks starring at me with concern. “mascara, makes my eyelashes look nice.” i state. “ok chris ill let you know how it goes-“ i am cut off by chris. “no stay on the phone i wanna watch you do your makeup. you know, make sure you dont fuck up.”
i do exactly that.
-
thanks for reading xx
taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668 @alorsxsturn @w4nnabeurs
#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo edit#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo smut#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x y/n#matthew sturniolo#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#chris sturniolo x you
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
Silas asks #6
Previous one
Concept: I've put multiple asks into one post to avoid too much loose posts on my account! This way, you have more to read too<3
Warnings: bruises, unhealthy relationships, mentions of marking silas up
What if I made silas a angry steak with vinegar 😡ok that sounded werid but here's the angry steak recipe 😂vinagear sauce, microwave that steak
He'll make sure all of your meals are cooked in dishwater.
What if after the "basement session" Silas find out that now the little thing has a really strong self harm tendencies? Like she start to bite herself, physical abuse herself and not only that! She start to call herself "dirty" (or smt) and her self esteem start to go down very fast. Is Silas will help s/o with it or he'll like it? Hope not the second option <;;:(
Of course he'll hate it :( he doesn't like when you're hurt, hence why he uses the basement as a punishment and not something physical. He hates to see painful marks on your body. He loves to see you painted in bruises, but not the ones that hurt. He'll make sure to tell you how beautiful and worthy you are so make sure that you know how much you mean to him. He'll dress you up in soft, fluffy clothes until you look like a marshmallow to make sure you won't hurt yourself.
"Come here, little thing, fuck, I love you so much. Please don't think like that. You know I don't want you to be hurt. I'll make sure you get well, I'll even call a doctor if you want ... I'll do anything to make sure you're happy, okay? Tell me what to do."
I was re reading your Valentine’s Day post with and I was wondering if he would be the type of yandere to buy his darling lots of clothes and made her spend hours trying them on in front of him? Ps you’re my favourite blog on this app, your writing is amazing and I’m always excited for your next post
[I did two valentines, but I'm guessing that you mean Silas? Thank you so much, btw that makes me so happy <3]
Of course he's the type to make you into his personal little runway model. He'll sit back in a chair and watch with dark eyes, loving everyhting you put on.
"And spin ... good job. I like that one. We'll get that one. What do you mean 'it's short'? It's supposed to be. I'm the only one who will see it anyway, so why does it matter? Try next one. I'm enjoying this."
Hey how are you? I just came back from school and was watching in the gym and saw some kids practicing taekwondo, so I was wondering how would Silas react to his darling knowing taekwondo and can be his ass? Would he be amused or frustrated I just wanted to know cuz I kept thinking about it for about an hour before saying it now. I hope you had a good day :) -new anon
[I'm doing good, thank you!!]
He'd be both frustrated and amused. He would be able to playfight with you and not have to worry about you hurting yourself, but he'd be worried that you would be able to escape him easier now. If you weren't showing any signs of running away, he'd not think much about it and would enjoy getting lessons from you. If you could teach him how to be as good as you, he'd be able to protect himself and you better.
"Like this? No? Y/N, seriously, teach me. Stop playing around."
How would Silas react to a reader with a bad light sensitivity disorder? Like irlen syndrome? I have it and it realy makes me feel isalated as no one elce i have met has had it in eny form (and i have move a LOT) if u dont want to do that what about an s/o who has dislexia? (As u can probarly gess i have that to. Life is so cruel 🥲)
Whatever problem you might be facing, whether it be physical or mental, he will be there for you. If you feel that it's hard to use your eyes, he will go to every doctor to try to find some kind of glasses to help you and if there are none, he'll be your eyes. The same with spelling and reading. He'll do everything for you. You don't have to lift a pretty finger :)
I would've spent all of babygirl silas money the first day tbh
my eye is twitching at that nicknAME
Hii I just read white bunny and I thought it was so good! It got me thinking about whether Silas would carry on treating the reader gently if they improved mentally or if he would go back to the way he was treating them before they ran away?
He would continue to treat them like he is. He's terrified of hurting you again and since you seem so happy when he treats you like this ... then he'll continue. Whatever you want, he'll do for you, don't worry about it. He's here for you ... always.
Hear. me. out.What if darling (s/o? Still don't know difference) ENJOY being in a basement (I am talking about Silas by the way) I mean, they (sorry i forget if s/o (darling) has a gender) think it's something like a minute just for them. No talking, no these annoying "baby" or "little thing", no forced touching. Just you ...and cold floor.
He'll be so pissed and change his tactics. You're not supposed to like his punishments! So you like the dark and quiet? No more of that. He'll be cuffing you two together and talking to you nonstop about how perfect you are and how he's going to keep you for as long as he wants to, aka really getting into your head.
I kinda want to bite Silas, he seem so chewy and acidic, green sour patch kid, especially his cheek, let me bite Silas, I need to bite Silas-
I mean ... he'd 100% like it so go ahead, leave some marks while you're at it.
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yandere drabbles#yandere imagines#yandere fics#yandere mafia#yandere oc x you#yandere scenarios#yandere asks
272 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’m dreading the third game of Spiderman might kill off Harry :/ either he’s goblin (solo or probably along with daddy-o) and dies a la Hero Sacrifice. Or kept comatose and in the end with grim results the decision is to pull the plug on him. idk I feel Harry’s fate is doom and gloom. But they could have killed Harry at the end of this sequel giving a strong motivation for Norman to be the Goblin and hatred for Spider-Man…yet they didn’t. idk rambling thoughts. What do you think?
Personally i can see both options. I saw someone in the tags of my last headcanon post say that it wouldnt make sense to save him from death in this game only to kill him in the next. On some level i get that, why wait when you could do it now?
I have two worst case scenarios in my head:
Harry wakes up from his coma w amnesia a la the third Tobey Maguire movie. Hes unaware of Pete being Spider-Man and Peter, thinking hes protecting Harry, wont tell him. This may cause a rift in their friendship when Harry finds out - or if Norman ends up going goblin and dies - Spider-Man is to blame in Harrys eyes and he'll go after him then. To me this is a tired trope of Harry getting an intense hatred for Spidey and wanting to kill him over his father. It always felt out of character for me and i truly TRULY hope they dont go this route.
Harry becomes the Kobold. In the comics, Kobold is essentially Harrys way of making the Green Goblin a good guy. If he still wants to fight by Peters side, he'll find a way to do it. Kobold would make a lot of sense to me personally, as it kind of continues their dynamic from this game. Then at the end theres a heros sacrifice to be made and Harry goes for it despite Peters protests. This would be lazy to me too though because he essential already did the heros sacrifice in this game. Seems like theyd just want us to have more time with him to love him even more, just to make losing him hurt worse. I wouldn't put it past an intrepid writer to think they could make it work, but it just seems lazy to me.
Actual best case scenario for me though? Harry wakes up as the g-serum is being injected. Hes against being his dads experiment all over again so he runs and finds Peter. Hes not aware of his pseudo-retirement, he just goes straight to the place thats always been his safe haven; Peters home. He asks Peter to hide him from his dad. Tries to explain everything but hes exhausted and frantic. Peter agrees and they take him into hiding.
Norman, ever the expert deflector, doesnt see this as a failing on his part. Hes convinced spider-man had something to do with his son escaping so he puts out a hit on him. Hes ready, willing, and able to capture and kill at least one of the two spider-men it doesnt matter. We see him pardon Wilson Fisk for this job, and when Fisk cant do it, he has to. Normans going to go Goblin. I know it, i can feel it in my bones.
Miles asks Peter to get back in action and he does. Fisk, plus potentially Otto again, plus this brand new villain in town is too much for any one person to handle. Heres where i see Harry becoming a "Guy In The Chair" for Peter like Ganke is for Miles. Two Guys in the Chair helping the spider-men is definitely better than one. I could also see Harrys goblin powers start to emerge but he keeps pushing them down. Last time he gave into power it didnt end well for anyone.
In an effort to not write out the entire plot of the game as i see fit (because itd be long and there are so many moving pieces and characters and IDEK WHERE THEYRE GONNA PUT SILK IN-), i think if Harry does take on the cowl he'll be doing so against his father. I think i see Harry becoming Goblin/Kobold to fight against Norman and ultimately try to help Peter/Miles. This is where i see Harry either accidentally killing Norman or Norman killing his son (and of course, blaming Spider-Man)
There is also room, in my mind, to bring back Venom a la Lethal Protector/Agent Venom. But tbh if they do, i would much rather Venom go to Eddie Brock or Flash Thompson. But thats just the separate Venom Fangirl Entity within me.
Ultimately my hope of course is that Harry not die and they dont go down that all too tired and hackneyed trope of Harry growing to hate Peter dor whatever reason. I truly TRULY hope they dont go that route it is just SO tired and lazy. I want them to stay close and loving. Whatever route they go with will be SO MUCH MORE IMPACTFUL if Harry Osborn lives and doesnt make a full 180 on his best friend for no good reason.
#harry osborn#peter parker#parksborn#if you squint#spider-man#marvel's spider man 2#spider-man 2#insomniac spider man#insomniac spider-man#insomniac games#spider man imagine#spider-man headcanons#honestly insomniac pls hire me#i would be so good at writing this game i care about these characters SO DEEPLY.#what do i need to do for you to notice me insomniac senpai#venetiangoldroz
54 notes
·
View notes
Text
Game (707 x Reader)
Kinktober day 12: Toys
I didn't know I can work this fast, but 7 my beloved. Also by this point you can tell my brain is not functioning with the character, it's been too long since I indulge myself in fanfic, sadly.
Warning: toys, overstimulation, vanderwood almost walked in lol, this is 100 percent ooc, etc, etc you get the point not for kid
Genre: filthy filthy smut
｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡+☆+｡･ﾟ･｡
You stretched your back as you closed the chatlog. Finally ready to start on 7's route after finishing all the other ending.
Who would have known the personality of a redheaded hacker, was gonna beat your bias to silver hair red eye character. After surfing online about how 7 loved you in every route, you decided to finish all the ending before finishing his ending acting it like a true ending.
What can you say, a jokester hiding his mass of trauma under a cheery mask was a sure way to your heart.
You quickly boot up a new saved file ready to finally finished the last route to your favorite character.
In the next few day you attune attentively to the game, waking up at 3am to catch up on all the chat log not missing a single one (seriously who put their chat at 3am, do the character not sleep?)
When you started knowing something weird happening in the game. At first it was weird chat option in message that you have never seen before (You would know, you replayed Jumin's route multiple time) Shaking it off as just some easter egg you continued the game and finally begin 7 route.
Everything seems normal at first, until you started seeing log that wasn't there before, phone call from 7 happen way more often.
You shake it off, thinking it was just the new update.
Until one day you woke up and noticed you are no longer in your room, instead you were tied to a bed with a mouth gag in your mouth.
Just as you was about to struggle, as confused as you were. You figured you might want to get out first. You heard a footstep walking toward you, you looked up to look at your kidnapper.
You blinked slowly as you try to comprehend who your seeing.
7 kneeled down to the bed and removed the mouth gag from you.
You poked out your tongue trying to take in more air, also it was just uncomfortable to have something in your mouth.
7 look at you and said cheerfully,
"Hello, (Y/N) your finally here, I have been been so excited to meet you,"
"What? Am I hallucinating?"
7 ruffled your hair,
"Of course not, I was just tired of seeing you from the screen so I decided to take matter into my own hand and bring you here."
You motioned to your tied up hand and leg with your face,
"So you kidnapped me and tied me to a bed with a mouth gag, like some sort of weird kinktober fantasy?"
"Yeah,"
You sigh, fully accepting your fate. After all this is either some really weird hallucinating dream from you waking up at 3am or you have finally gone to another world. Honestly by this point you dont really care.
"You know me a bit too well,"
7 shrugged with a knowing grin,
"What can I say I have been looking through your search history,"
You froze and then closed your eye defeated,
"Dear god, you know I will have to kill the witness, right,"
He hold a hand to his chest faking a gasp,
"Is that all it takes for you to hurt me?"
"Okay maybe not, can you please let me go,"
7 poked your cheek,
"Nope, I want you here (Y/N). I love you, I have been watching you for years, ever since you first downloaded the game. I have waited long enough, I want you,"
"Wait what about my family?"
7 clapped his hand together, looking real fucking proud of himself,
"It was a bit hard, even for a genius like me. But I have managed to combined the world in a few day we will be together forever."
Hearing his answer, you thought for a moment before saying,
"Okay, then I'm down. Are you gonna fuck me or not,"
"What?"
"7 my beloved, you just fucking kidnapped me out of my bed tied me up and put a mouth gag in my mouth. I dont know how to tell you this, but I just read a bunch of kinktober fic might as well act out a erotic fic, "
7 give you a crazed grin,
"Dear god, I really found the best and craziest person ever,'
"What can I say, we are similar in the worst way possible, there's a reason you're my favorite character,"
"You mean other then I'm hot and funny and smart and rich and..."
You rolled your eye as he go on and on,
"Yes, yes I get it, Mr. Lucky Number, you're the cutest."
With a grin he tilt down to kiss you, after a few minute he separate with a strand of saliva connecting you guys. He put his forehead on yours and begin to undress you.
Just as you guys were about to begin to get rid of years worth of love and touch deprived cause horniness, you guys froze when you heard someone knocking on the door.
"Motherf-"
7 quiet you down before yelling that he will open the door soon,
"Saeyoung, if your going to leave at least untie me,"
With a sadistic grin, and a bad feeling up your spine 7 turn around to get something,
"Wha-"
You was shut up when 7 retied the mouth gag around your mouth. You suddenly started shivering when you see him pull out a bunch of what you're assuming is sex toy.
You pulled on the bondage around your arm again, 7 gave you slapped on your breast, shutting you up with the stinging from your breast,
"Quiet, kitten. I can't have you all bored and lonely here can I? I will leave you with some fun,"
With that he quickly clipped a few clamp onto your nipple. He hold up a vibrator to show you, with a grin on his face. Seeing it, the realization that this is really happening you tried to back away. Pretty convinced that it's not gonna fit and that you are in fact not ready to get fucked.
"It's too late to back out now, kitten."
With that 7 quickly lubed it up, and slowly pushed it into your fold. Tear stained your eye, as you body tighten and tried to pushed the intruder out of your body. But all you successfully did was take it deeper into you.
Suddenly you arched your back when the knocking come again, and 7's hand slipped and pushed the entire thing inside you.
"Luciel open the fucking door!"
"Calm down, Mary i'm coming do you want to see me naked?"
Turning around he wiped away your tear,
"Good girl, just take in one more, hmmmm. Be a good girl for daddy," with that he pulled out a cat tail butt plug,
You look at him at wide eye,
'How many of these do you have?'
"I was quite excited to have you here, so I brought some toys," with that he moved your ass up before plugging it into you and laying you down again,
7 give you a kissed on your forehead before locking the door and walking out.
You slow your breath trying to relax your body against the many thing inside your body. Just as you was starting to get use to it, you suddenly arched your back up, when all the vibrator all started vibrating.
You pant and moan, saliva dripping down your chin. Tears streaming down your body as your body tried to get use to the vibrating. But every time you get use to it the frequency change causing you to orgasm again
If you could still think you would have probably swear the fucked out of 7, but you can't. Too sensitive and tied up to think.
When the door open again, you looked up with teary eye.
7 looked down at your flushed up body, damp with sweat and your juice. The cat tail now damped and hard under you. Your entire body trembling from your multiple orgasm.
He removed the mouth gag and with a shit eating grin said,
"Seems like you had fun when I was gone, kitty,"
"F-Fuck you..." you panted out,
"With pleasure,"
7 removed the vibrator out of you (After slipping a few time and causing you to swear) and pushed his hard member into your wet fold.
"F-fuck..." you swear as you felt your body taking in something far bigger the the vibrator,
"You feel so tight, kitten. I can't wait to fucking break you," with that he started to thrust into you
You hanged onto him desperately as you felt him going in and out of you. The cat tail sticking on you, wet from your juice and sweat. You let out wail as he pounded into you faster and he pulled on your clamp.
Just as your mind blurred and you were about to collapse you felt him gripped your waist tightly as he came inside you.
Panting slightly he pulled out, before covering your body with his blanket and cuddle you.
"T-take out the thing, you dick,"
"Nope staying in, Kitten"
"You-"
"Be quiet, love. Before I go another round,"
With that you quickly shut up and went to sleep.
#no i don’t have problems#reader insert#reader smut#x reader#kinktober#kinktober 2022#707 x reader#707 x reader smut#mystic messenger x reader
147 notes
·
View notes
Text
WHY I AM A HATER OF THE APOSTLE CASCA THEORY!!!!!!!!!
lol ive alluded to it a couple times now and answered an ask about it but i MIGHT AS WELL write a whole post about why the apostle casca theory makes me really really mad lets fucking go
So let’s look at what we know about apostles.
Apostles are a morally neutral (though often in practice leaning towards evil) group of people who, for whatever reason, sacrificed someone (or a few people) that they loved to gain ultimate power, which is granted by the God Hand. Per the Berserk Wiki, they only have one absolute rule: Do as thou wilt.
This is a bit of a tangent, but the general tendency of apostles towards evil to me seems to go along with the overarching theme in Berserk that those with power are wont to abuse it, and to assert their power over those weaker than them. It’s not that apostles are inherently evil and especially the people who become apostles aren’t evil, but in becoming an apostle, they are more likely to act in evil ways, as is anyone who is given immense power.
The apostles we meet range from sympathetic (Egg of the Perfect World, Rosine) to outright evil (Wylad). We know that apostles need to sacrifice someone that “defines their humanity” to be granted power by the God Hand, and often causality/the God Hand/whatever the hell will bring the person right up to the absolute brink, at their lowest, worst moment, when they offer the sacrifice as an option. While it’s ultimately the person’s choice to sacrifice (as Flora says, fate may push a person to the edge, but it is their choice to take the plunge), the God Hand will do everything they can to make the sacrifice the only real option.
For Rosine, she sacrifices her abusive parents. For Grunbeld (the novel sucks but it’s technically canon), he sacrifices his dying friends at their behest. For Griffith, he sacrifices the Band of the Hawk when his body and mind are completely broken and he sees no other path to his dream.
So that leads us into the Apostle Casca theory.
This would be using Guts’ behelit he’s been carrying around since the Black Swordsman arc, of course. It would be an interesting twist if the behelit was actually for Casca, because it knew Guts would lead it back to Casca, and it has been waiting for her darkest moment with her mind restored to activate.
Up till now, there have been a few Darkest Moments for Casca: First, when Griffith was taken and she needed to take the BotH on the run. Next, the eclipse itself, where she was raped and all of her friends were murdered in front of her. There are a lot of Dark Moments that happened while she was regressed, but I think there’s absolutely going to be another Darkest Moment for her coming up as she struggles to come to terms with Griffith’s rape and the sacrifice of the BotH. Miura said he wanted to write a human reaction to trauma (see my previous meta lol) and that we shouldn’t expect things to be easy for Casca going forward, which I suppose we didn’t realize would be quite so literal with her being kidnapped and magically drugged in Falconia LOL.
Without her support system, I can see her struggling to cope, and that could lead her on a very dark path. There’s also the fact that she had this complete loss of agency both in the assault itself and her mental regression, and I think it makes sense that the God Hand could tempt her with power that way, use the idea that this would protect her from ever being hurt again I actually have a very vivid picture in my mind of a conversation between Casca and Slan where this happens despite being a hater of this theory LOL dont @ me
So like, if I’m acknowledging that the Apostle Casca theory seems like a natural progression of where she is in canon, why do I hate it so much?
First off, who would she sacrifice? The easy answer is the Moonlight Boy, which if I may editorialize, I think people who support this theory hope she’ll sacrifice because it kills the possibility of a heteronormative nuclear family ending. I’ve never been concerned about that as an ending, though, because Miura clearly has a special distaste for the nuclear family as a source of abuse and trauma, so I don’t see a “the brand of the sacrifice hadn’t bothered them in years. All was well. Griffith Skull Knight Berserk, you are named after the two bravest men-”
Anyways.
There are a specific set of circumstances under which “good people” sacrifice their loved ones: They love them but they also kind of hate them (Rosine), they’re already dying (Grunbeld), or they think it’s necessary to achieve a loftier goal (Egg of the Perfect World, arguably Griffith lol I mean the goal was lofty to him). While anything could happen, the only one of those that I can see fitting for Casca’s sacrifice would be if the MB (or whoever really) is already dying. In her previous “Darkest Moments,” ie post-eclipse and after Griffith’s capture, Casca’s response was to turn inward, by mentally regressing bc she couldn’t cope with the trauma and by working herself ragged and refusing help from anyone until Judeau told her off and then also trying to kill herself. She yelled at Guts a ton during the GA, but during real moments of stress, she didn’t turn her anger outward onto other people. This, imo, makes it unlikely she’d sacrifice one of the biggest sources of comfort to herself currently, who also has protected her when she was unable to protect herself. It doesn’t fit with the way she’s interacted with the world so far.
Where we are right now in the text, Apostles are a serious trigger for her PTSD. When Casca sees Guts for the first time, she immediately is tormented by visions of apostles. The second time they try to talk, she again sees demons and apostles beside him. Both times she goes absolutely catatonic with terror. And... She’s supposed to become one of them?
Beyond these specific moments, there’s a general sense of fully associating apostles and demons with the eclipse. The second PTSD flashback in chapter 359 comes from her remembering Judeau and his death at the hands of the apostle, and in chapter 372 hearing the Falconia army referred to as the “Band of the Hawk” makes her cry even through being drugged. Casca watched all of her friends die in front of her during the eclipse before her own assault, and it’s clear that still weighs heavy on her mind, and it’s something Miura has said she needs to come to terms with. At this point in the text, I cannot imagine her opening up a rift, bringing forth apostles and demons as we’ve seen in the sacrifices so far, and watching whoever she sacrificed be eaten by demons just as all her fallen friends were. I think right now she would consider that a betrayal of the memory of her friends.
I’m also simply not sure what could bring her to a state where she’d be ok with it, even if her capture in Falconia goes on and on. Casca’s always had a serious moral compass but more importantly has never been a character who craves power, and so I think it would take far more than what’s happening to her now to abandon that and work with the creatures who assaulted her and killed her friends.
Which I suppose brings me to my final point: You know who grants apostles power? The God Hand. Who’s a member of the God Hand? Griffith. GRIFFITH. CASCA’S RAPIST.
I can see a very specific scenario where, for whatever reason, Griffith is in conflict with the rest of the God Hand, and that’s when the other members approach Casca to use her as a weapon against him. They would manipulate her through her trauma and ask if she wants to be powerful enough to stand against him, or maybe even say this is necessary to protect MB. Now THAT would be interesting, though some of my issues with this theory remain.
Otherwise, though, it would be the full God Hand, Griffith included, who would be granting Casca the apostle powers - and then Casca would be working with not only him but the other apostles and the demons who assaulted her. Genuinely lol, if this has been considered and accepted by people who support the Apostle Casca theory, to me it’s no different than any dudebro on r/berserklejerk talking about how Casca is a Griffith simp and is gonna cuck Guts by going back to him. Casca’s upcoming arc is going to be about facing up to the trauma Griffith caused her, and I think it would be a shockingly gross conclusion to that arc to have it be she works with the man who betrayed and raped her.
In Conclusion the way Casca is written, and the specific way it’s been made clear apostles come to be, I find the Apostle Casca theory really insensitive. I do need to be clear, I think it’s likely that Casca might need a supernatural powerup at some point - and anything is possible.
Berserk is full of twists and turns, and I think it could happen that Casca could become an apostle in a way that isn’t offensive, and doesn’t have her working side by side with HER RAPISTTTTT LSDKJHGLKSDJHFNLVKSJDHFLKSJ ok I’m calm. I think the need to reclaim power after assault, and the sort of false promise apostle-dom has canonically given to powerless, abused people (Egg of the Perfect World, Rosine) could make for a very tragic story arc, but it would need to be done very sensitively, and really again I think any apostle Casca story that has Griffith granting her apostle powers would be so gross.
The way things are, currently, in canon make it a very difficult theory for me to stomach.
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
Vaginismus.
ok so this blog is brand new so it probably won't reach a lot of people but I've been trying to treat my vaginismus for a while now. If you have a vagina and have the same condition, here are my observations. (I am not a specialist, I describe my personal experience)
For those who don't know, vaginismus is when your vaginal muscles contract, preventing (completely or partly) penetration. It is often described as a "mystery" and there are little studies on the matter, leaving people suffering from it helpless.
Theoretically, you CAN see a sexologist, and they'll help you treat your vaginismus. But if you're broke like me, that might not be an option. So what do you do then?
firstly, if you have a partner: be honest about it, talk about it together. vaginismus, in my experience, is caused by a fear of opening up (ba dum tss). if your partner makes you feel safe, extremely safe, and take good care of you, your muscles have more chance to loosen up. (My previous partner did that and it worked, that's even how I finally got to experience penetration, so i swear, it IS possible). If that doesn't work, it's ok. If that works, ask your partner to go slowly, with one finger, not deeply, and ideally by not moving it for a while so your vagina gets used to the sensation.
now, whether you are single or not, there's one thing you must do: practice on your own. You NEED to know your body, so you trust yourself enough to penetrate it. It makes it easier for when you have sex with your partner(s).
But how to practice? First: learn to contract your muscles on command. To do so, imagine you're pushing something out of your body. it's not very sexy, but imagine yourself trying very hard to poop or pushing a baby out. then imagine yourself contracting the same muscles - imagine you're trying very hard not to pee. if you can do that, then start training. contract and loosen the muscles repeatedly for a few minutes. on top of strengthening your muscles, it will teach you how to feel when you contract them against your will. And when you are able to identify the moment they contract, it's a lifechanger, because you can immediately loosen them the way you learned how to.
Then, don't be afraid to try out different positions. you may find out that if your vagina doesn't open up when you're on your back, it does when you are on your side.
learn how to tease yourself. get some lubricant. take your time. find out what works for you - touching yourself, playing with your nipples, etc. when you're wet, remember your practice. Yes, even when you're SUPER wet, your vagina doesn't open up, I know and it's strange. but then... you loosen up your vaginal muscles. then you try to penetrate your vagina with a finger. it may not work; your vagina might contract again as you approach your finger; it's fine. small steps. if you can already loosen up your muscles outside practice time, it's already a progress!
in my experience, i have to maintain the "im pushing something out" position to get a finger inside me. then you can stop forcing and see how your body reacts. start small, because you DONT WANT to hurt your vagina. even a phalanx is enough. btw, if it starts hurting, stop moving, and DONT GET your finger out immediately, it'll just hurt you and "traumatize" your vagina, which will contract even more next time. stop moving, loosen up your muscles, and get your finger out progressively and slowly.
when you have a finger (or a part of a finger) in, stop moving. stay like this for a while, as i said, so your vagina gets used to it. if that's already too much, you can stop there. if you're feeling fine... start exploring. feel the textures of your insides, appreciate them. it's not disgusting, it's you.
note: if everything is going fine, you will feel nothing except something sliding inside of you (and pleasure, if you don't stop). it may sound obvious to people who don't have vaginismus but during my first "successful" attempts at penetrative sex, all i could feel was discomfort or outwrigth pain in spite of being wet. when things just slide inside you, it means it worked. it's a strange feeling, but it's the ACTUAL feeling you should experience.
the rest of the exploring part (finding your G spot, using more fingers, etc) i leave to you - just don't rush. it may take you three weeks or three months to successfully push a phalanx in, and it's ok. you should note that progress is also not necessarily linear. in my case, i can now take a small dildo most of the time, but it took me a year... and sometimes my vagina just remain closed like a locked door. my default reaction is still to contract my vaginal muscles. but with patience, i made a lot of progress.
vaginismus is probably (partly) caused by fear and/or a lack of knowledge of your body and of sexuality, so your best ally is education and practice. look at your coochie when you masturbate if possible - it really helps. i cannot emphasize enough that you need to see and feel your body for what it is. if you don't, you're going in blind, and that's why your body instinctively contracts your vaginal muscles: so the dark unknown cannot enter. i swear i didn't really FEEL my vagina until i started practicing what i detailed in this post. when i realized i actually had muscles down there it suddenly widened my perceptions.
also, ideally, try all that out when your mental health is good. coincidentally i made progress like never before the second i got out of a terrible depressive episode. it was hard to learn how to perceive my body when my depression refused to perceive any part of me.
good luck! it's a real journey that will teach you who you are and what you're comfortable with and it's extremely rewarding!
#anyone feel free to chime in!#vaginismus#sex ed#sex education#i used to joke a lot about it. that i got cursed with vaginismus as a stone femme who doesn't really like non penetrative sex#and one day i finally decided to do something about it and it was an awesome self discovery journey and i feel better in my head and body!
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
a rant about neurological testing
so i told my psychiatrist that i was thinking of trying to get tested for autism (i'm sure i am autistic, did many many years of research to be sure, but was never formally diagnosed). and she said "oh i'd better put you on the wait list right now because it's super long, don't worry we'll have plenty of time to talk about it before you get the the front of the line".
fine ok. and i look up her company to see how they are on diagnosing adults and surprise they are very good for that, one of the few who does it a lot. so, great!
imagine my surprise when i am scheduled for an appointment with neurological testing within the month. i dont want to say no and not bea able to test later, so i guess i'm doing this? also weird: it's on zoom. and just one day?? i dont know maybe i'm confused about what this involves
anyway! my appointment was today. and apparently it was some sort of audition to see if i can move on to the next step. i had to explain to the tester (who wasnt even from the same org as my psych, he's from some other place...) why i was there and i wasnt sure what to say so i guessed as best i could. and he kept getting interrupted? like people kept coming in and talking to him? and he didnt mute himself or anything.
so i guess i passed the audition because he said he was going to have his office send me a link to an online evaluation and after he got the results from that he would see about having me come in for testing.
anyway! i got the link and sat down to do the assessment and it turns out it is 30 minutes of video games which i am SO BAD AT--i hit the wrong button a lot and double click when im supposed to single click so i will accidentally pick the same square twice or whatever and it hurts my hands and the games all beep and flash and its awful.
then it is time for questionaires and most of them are about "the child" and it warns me to take into account what is appropriate for the child at the child's age. and i assume they mean me but im not a kid so i guess they mean me WHEN i was a child but at what age? all the ages? so i guessed and i tried to average everything accross my ages and i had no one to ask and no way to write and clarify anything and then they asked all these drug questions but i dont do drugs and some of the questions were about what happened when i abused drugs and there was no option for not applicable so i just hit "no" but even though i think that was what i was supposed to do i still had a panic attack and the whole thing was the worst
and i have no idea if it will give anyone an accurate picture of anything and i am so stressed and upset now.
anyway. i am not going to do anything else today. since th test i have sat with some tea and read a book. i feel a bit better (so now i'm just mad, not panicky anymore). and i am going to make myself go for a walk this evening when it's not sunny. (it's too bright i can't handle it now)
i hope everyone else has a better day! if you also had a rough task today, i offer sympathetic internet hugs or a friendly cup of tea.
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
helloooo i keep being so late. but i'm working on it. also this was sooo much longer than it should be but oh well. sorry
For prompt “burn” @wolfstarmicrofic
Cw injury, blood, broken bone
“Sirius, Sirius, Sirius,” Remus grits out. He’s reaching desperately for his leg. It’s mangled and bent and some of the skin is ripped and jagged. Honestly, a lot of what Sirius wants to do is run, find some place to throw up everything in his body, turn into Padfoot, and run far away. But Remus is pleading with him. His eyes are down turned, his face is white and tense, and his nose is scrunched in a way that is about as far from adorable as Sirius has ever seen it, “Sirius, please, I dont– I—fucking hell—Sirius, please, it burns so much, please do something.”
Sirius finally gets his wits about him. Remus hadn’t passed out at all or even really been groggy after the transformation. He had gone straight from snarling beast to screaming boy to a pleading, writhing mess of blood and skin. Peter had run off immediately to get Pomfrey. He had touched Sirius’ shoulder but ultimately left it to James to knock some sense into him. Sirius drops to his knees, not even having the forethought to step closer first, “Moony,” he chokes out. He crawls towards Remus and reaches for his hand, “Ok, ok– Merlin, ok, it’s going to be ok, I promise,” Remus had latched onto Sirius’ hand hard and locked eyes with him. Sirius had never seen him so scared, it would be terrifying if Sirius wasn’t already literally shaking.
James had at some point—angel that he is—gone to get their box of supplies for the worst case scenario and settled down looking a little lost, “Sirius? I don't–”
“We need to stop the bleeding.”
“Ok. …how?” James was holding a thick white bandage in one hand and his wand in the other.
Sirius was admittedly a little stumped. He had taught himself some basic medical spells and muggle tricks but he was far from confident in anything he’d learned. He knew that Remus was losing a lot of blood and that was decidedly bad. But he also knew that the bone had to be reset and the ruined skin repaired, all of which was far more advanced than his simple “episkey".
Remus squeezed and Sirius didn’t know if it was encouragement or a request to please speed up but he looked down and brought his free hand to Remus’ face, “Hey,” Remus looked back at him with wide eyes, “Hey, I need to do something and fast but I think it's going to really, like really hurt and I need to know if that’s ok.”
Remus looked a little… broken, if Sirius is being honest and that is cleaving his heart in two but he doesn’t have many options.
“I trust you,” Remus says simply. Sirius was unsure if that was all he had the energy for or if he meant it but it was terrifying either way.
“Oh god.” Sirius looked up to the cracked ceiling of the Shrieking Shack and steeled himself, “James, we have to wrap his leg.”
“Please tell me it’s going to be some other way from literally picking it up and wrapping thai around it because I think muggles are grand but Moony will either pass out or actually kill me and neither are at the top of my bucket list.
“No no, I know this spell. It’s still sort of being developed but performed well it can splint bones, and relieve a bit of pain. If done adequately… uh, hopefully it’ll keep him from bleeding out.”
“Ok, um, yeah, ok that sounds, like better than what I was thinking.”
“Ok, I need you to find a belt for Moony to bite down on, please and um, maybe come hold his other hand? I don't want him to squeeze so hard he cuts his hand,” He looks back to Remus, “You doing alright, Moony? Does that sound ok? A splint and maybe some relief?”
“God, yes. Uh… yeah. Uh huh, Pads I think I’m slipping–” he gasps his next breath, “slipping a bit.”
“Ok baby, I know it hurts so much but I need you to please please stay awake if you can, I don’t know what else is wrong and Pomfrey should be here soon.”
“Ok, ok, I’m trying, I’try’n, Iswear.”
“We’re going now, it’s gonna get a little better, here we go.” Sirius takes a deep breath again, just one moment, checks and double checks the name of the spell, readies his wand, triple checks, points his want, deep breath, “ready?”
“Ready,” come two breathy voices.
“Ferula,” white bandages run from the Sirius’ wand and wrap themselves mostly tightly around Remus’ leg. Sirius is feeling a moment of relief, not even, before Remus shouts.
“Oh fuck, oh Merlin, oh God, oh oh oh, it fucking hurts oh my god.”
Sirius holds tight to his hand and he can see James do the same. They exchange a look, James asking if it works, Sirius responding that he thinks so, thought so. They both return their gazes to Remus, the aggressive writhing has subdued and the volume of his exclamations has lessened. Sirius can now clearly see the tear tracks on Remus’ face and wants to cry himself.
“Re? Moony? I need you to tell me what’s wrong. Is it worse? Should I take them off?” The bandages themselves actually did a pretty good job. The leg looked mostly straight, he wasn’t sure about the cuts and scrapes but at least everything isn’t exposed to the elements now. Some parts of the bandage are a bit looser than others, it’s not the most even, and blood is already seeping through but still.
Remus’ cries quiet down more, he’s slowly relaxing, far from relaxed but less and less of the frightened animal posture he had been keeping since he transformed. He gasps out and then, “it’s better, it still kind of burns and god the bone doesn’t feel right but it’s better.” He breathes.
Sirius breathes. He hears the willow still from a distance and he holds tight to Remus’ scarred hand and he tries to remember to breathe.
27 notes
·
View notes
Note
Ive been thinking about this for so long but dont know how down you are for semi angst, more like hurt/comfort headcanons... what are the boys apology styles like, say they say something they dont mean, i think of little charles just immediately bursting into tears as soon as he realizes what he saud, i see him as always sort of on the precipice to being little so i inagine when hes overwhelmed and he upsets mommy it just gets so much worse 😭
Little max on the flip side i see not being willing to admit what he did, i almost think of him as someone who just walks away, feelsbad and tries to silently make it up to you.i see his dom/mommy making him hold himself accountable though. I think it would honestly be a trauma response to his dad where he would just try to not stir the pot and move on, he also probably learned it from him cause i dont see that man apologizing... basically just like unlearning those behaviours so they can be healthy and happy together.
Id live to hear your thoughts on anyone else. i just dont have as certain feelings about the others in my head as these two ... exceot fir lando, hes a brat that takes ot too far repeatedly and then is a crybaby qbout it
I don’t know if it’s different people asking this style of question with littles or the same person but either way, I would die for you all of you I love this type of thing so much.
CHARLES:
All Charles wants, whether little or big, is to make his mommy happy, that's it. He tries so hard, but when he's little he's just so small and so vulnerable and there are so many things he can't do. He gets so overwhelmed very quickly, and it can lead to a meltdown very easily because the poor thing just doesn't know what to do.
He doesn't mean to be rude to his mommy, but everything is loud and scary and he doesn't know what to do and the next thing he knows, he's pushing you and away and yelling at you to stay away and curling in on himself. He doesn't mean it, he just doesn't know what to do or how to cope.
The actual meltdown doesn't matter the moment he's realised what he's done. Then he's having a whole other meltdown, crying his little heart out and begging for forgiveness, promising that he can be good boy, that he will be a good boy.
Of course you just hold him close and comfort him, promising him that you know he didnt mean it and was just overwhelmed. He sticks to your side for the rest of the day, like he's scared you might actually leave him if he can't see you at all times.
GEORGE:
I know you didnt mention George, but I want to talk about him because I think he would actually only apologise once he's in his adult headspace again?
He's so small when he regresses, mostly too small to even speak properly and far too small to realise that he might have hurt you with something. He can be quite fussy sometimes, especially when he's overtired and he just cant settle. He doesn't realise he's being difficult, and he really doesn't mean to, but he's just too small and can't express himself properly.
You two always get there in the end. And within an hour or two he's cuddled up in you arms, napping or listening to a story and being your sweet little boy.
But once he's back to his adult headspace, he'll remember how fussy he was and how much more work than usual he was and he'll come to you with his tail between his legs and apologise. Every single time he tells you that he understands if you don't want to be his caregiver anymore, which is absolutely ridiculous because that will never happen.
He'll often bring you flowers or chocolates or a book to say thank you for dealing with him, and he just loves you so so much.
MAX:
I definitely agree that Max really struggles to work through whatever he's done wrong. And yeah, it's absolutely a trauma response from his childhood. When max was younger, the only option when he made a mistake was punishment. That's it. There was no talking it through, no trying to understand or making it better. It was just instant punishment and being screamed it.
Because of this, max learned to hide whenever he had done something wrong because he didnt want to be punished like that. He would just try and make up for it in some other way.
Of course this usually fails because he cant properly take care of whatever has happened on his own. He's too small to clean up the milk he spilt or fix the picture he ripped or wash his dirty clothes. He needs you to do those things for him.
You can always tell when max has done something wrong or made a mistake, because he'll hide from you. Usually, max always wants to be with you. Not necessarily on top of you or even next to you, but he always wants to be able to see you and know you're close by. So if more than a few minutes have gone by with Maxie in a different room... then you know something has happened.
The first few times, max just starts sobbing instantly, so bad that you actually worry he might make himself sick. And it's over something that honestly doesn't warrant that reaction? He spilled some milk and now he's sobbing on the floor.
However, unlike Charles, you can't just clean up and comfort max, because he'll continue to feel bad and guilty and not let himself enjoy his time with you because he doesn't think he deserves it.
I think natural consequences would be best for max? He split his milk, so he doesn't get anymore milk. He had an accident, so he must help you clean up and then be in diapers, etc. You always talk it through with him very nicely and very slowly, praising him for being so good about it and helping him work through it all.
You're so proud of him the day he comes to you and tells you that he knocked over his sippy cup and now there is juice all over the floor, because he finally understood that he wouldn't be punished the way he was when he was younger.
45 notes
·
View notes
Note
Mihai. Mihai my enstars professor mutual. What the heck is going on with ryuseitai
Ok so i read some liveblogs but i havent read comet show or submarine so a lot of references to those were lost on me (im waiting for them to come to engstars) and thus im not the best professor for this story.
But the tldr is that there's an agency in Okinawa (same place Submarine was held in during the ss arc), Crimson Production, that opposes ES's monopoly and that's where a bunch of ex ryuseitai kids have gone to (theyre called Antistars). Tetora goes to help these kids and the media publicizes it as him leaving Ryuseitai. Shinobu goes to find out the truth, talks to Tetora about the opposing ideologies, the next day the news state that he also left Ryuseitai. So the rest of the group go to Okinawa to see what's up. They trespass, Tetora and Chiaki have an argument and fight, but dont worry, Tetora is a spy on the inside of CrimPro and needed to make his loyalty to them believable. Chiaki opens up to Tetora about his time in the war (i realise as i type this how ridiculous this game sounds to an outsider...)
This was a distraction for Kanata and Midori to find and free Shinobu, and to find papers to destroy the company. They get caught. The 5 are reunited inside the agency and Tetora reveals he is a spy for ES but he does genuinely want to help the antistars kids who are mistreated by CrimPro for being former ES idols. So CrimPro are evil and need to be destroyed but im a bit confused at this part ngl. Something something yakuza something something they actually kill people so it's super dangerous (i think this part has a callback to Submarine that im not getting). They cant go to the local police cuz the organization has inflitrated it so the only option for Ryuseitai is to renounce ES and join CrimPro.
While making the announcement theyre actually sending ES secret messages, dangerous stuff if they get caught. Theyre gonna hold a live for CrimPro which is a distraction for ES to intervene, and while theyre preparing for that, Tetora has a self hating monologue about his own skills and merits. He's not being self sacrificial bc he's a hero but bc he doesnt mind putting his life in danger::::)
At the live they discuss about roles and who's the leader. Tetora cant become Chiaki, but he can be his own person with his own skills, and like this maybe he can even surpass Chiaki. They keep their colors but those expectations of having to fill in Chiaki's shoes are going away. So anyway, back to the live, Ryuseitai had secretly sent back to Eichi evidence to condemn CrimPro and now he's ready to bust them down (i dont know if Eichi is there personally with the police or if he's just in charge from above... i assume the latter?)
They tell themselves that they're not harming people but just destroying the environment where the evil had spread (Chiaki compares it to the war, but i think he's being idealistic...people Did get hurt in the war too. There's a cenotaph for the students who killed themselves afterall...) And uh. Then we get to the epilogue, that I haven't seen translated yet. I assume they're successful (imagine if we went through all of this only for someone to die lmao)
So. Ta daa. Thats it. Erm. I know this isnt new to enstars but i feel like things have felt more dangerous and high stakes, especially in the ss arc and 1.5 (negi just. Faked being shot by a hitman. That shit was traumatizing. This is set after that). I dont really know what other stories we could get of Ryuseitai set in our current year if im being honest. This felt like Climax yknow?
Well, im looking forward to translations of this story cuz im not entirely clear on everything just with the livetweets. And looking forward to reading comet show and submarine when they come to the english server. Hope this was helpful^_^
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
Someone tell me if im overreacting
Im with this one guy and he says he loves me right? but then the first while we were together he told one of my best friends he loved her eyes and that her eyes were his favorite thing to look into. (well we are together he has done all of this well we are together) i confronted him he apologized he said he wouldnt do it again We planned a date he then invited her to go with us without asking me first I confronted him he apologized and said he would communicate more clearly then he invited her to his house without telling me first, she was the one who told me she was there, then they both didnt reply to me for 3 hours, he ended up telling me she just wanted to talk to his mom ab some of her problems i asked her about it she said she didnt end up talking to her and she got mad at me accusing me of being suspicious and said she wasnt going to deal with it, i never even said anything back i just said it was nice they were able to hang out, i apologized to her and said i wasnt suspicious i did not really confront him on this the day before my birthday i introduced him to another one of my friends, that same night at 4 am he invited her to hang out with him alone she declined and told me i asked him about it and he said he was just bored and wanted to see if someone could come out next he asks the first girl to ask me when i was ready to have s3x with him, i was upset because we had been dating for a little over a month at this point i was a little hurt he didnt ask me privately but i was too scared to bring it up i found out he was telling things i was privately telling him to the girl as well next i find out he has told her that he originally had a crush on her but because he kissed me first he felt bad and didnt want me to feel like a second option so he stayed with me and said he ended up gaining feelings after or something. I was so upset over this i confronted him i couldnt even get 3 sentences out before i started crying which made everything even more embarrassing he assured me he didnt like her anymore and that he did like me etc but not even three days later i find out he was play fighting/flirting over text with the same girl, she showed me a video (i guess she didnt think it was a big deal? maybe im overreacting idk) but they were calling each other names in a very flirty tone and under the video she said "beefing" and put two smirk emojis after it then she said his name over text and put these emojis 🥰🥰🥰😍 in that exact order after later she told me that if i hadnt met her or him at the time i did something could have happened between them but said she was "glad" it worked out this way but idk it just felt very back handed and fake, i cant complain to her either or tell her how i feel because she'll villainize me i've tried a few times just to say "hey im kinda worried ab this or that" but never in an accusing tone and it was never ab anything serious or even about her it was mainly ab him and how i was a little sad he replied to her asap and told her everything he was up too or planned to do but ignored me for up to 4 hours at a time, and she would say stuff like how me saying that isnt fair to her etc and yeah she also got mad at me when i talked to another girl privately for exactly 8 minutes not even joking and idk i also keep having dreams of him leaving me behind/sleeping with her or walk away holding another girls hand and im so stressed out to the point where im puking and up all night but i cant find it in me to leave him either i dont know if im being dramatic or if its not that big of a deal and im just being sensitive i just dont know what to do or what to think of it
hes also recently not hanging out with me and always making excuses im worried
#sh#help#advice#baby cvts#sh cvt#cvtting addict#ed not ed sheeran#tw restrictive ed#relationshipadvice#sos#so silly#someonehelpme#silly thoughts#silly posting#realtionship help#crisis#mental health#experience
3 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
faithodonnellwheatland
FaithOdonnellWheatland
muzamilgamez-blog
Untitled
omoghouls
home of the piss
thelightsareshinig-blog
Untitled
headphones-ct-09978
Headphones' mission log 🎧