person al

how do i know if im actually nonbinary or if im just a girl faking it. i dont wanna be a girl sometimes but sometimes i do. sometimes i wanna be feminine. i dont know what nonbinary means. i will not have surgery, passing as a girl is convenient for me sometimes, just like passing is convenient for binary trans people. but it doesnt mean i wanna be a girl or that i enjoy it when its detatched from how much people respect me, i just dont wanna be disrespected sometimes and im not not a girl because what the hell even is nonbinary? but then i feel like a traitor and not a real trans person. i constantly feel like someones about to call me out on faking it. maybe i do fake it a bit and for example use only it/its instead of she/it (my actual preferred pronouns) because i feel like people wouldnt acknowledge it otherwise. i hate it here i hate it everywhere. i just wanna be myself but i dont have the courage to do it because the overlap of people who would support various aspects of me is very small and i have to lie a little bit every time i talk to someone (this also applies to things besides gender..)

but yea im not binary because i never enjoyed being a girl unless it was an opportunity to get praise from people i have to be around. i know this about myself. i dont experiance gender euphoria or dysphoria as far as i know. there are even aspects of my personality that i can make a nonbinary gender label out of, even though they might be fleeting so i usually dont.. but i should. but yeah im nonbinary

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

i hope everyone in nintendo’s management department dies and goes to hell no matter what and i’m not kidding

(pre-calam) filling the compendium :-)

+ closeup and the aftermath

oh thank god

invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)

[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."

Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”

Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.

At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.

"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.

Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”

Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."

In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]

Credits for ID here and here

one of my absolute favorite friendships in the show is Ted and Keeley and i am sooo bummed out that we barely got more scenes with them... 🥺

mr goatman... goat me a man.... make him the goatest that ive ever seen...

Tim, scratching at his arm: there's a fucking mosquito in here and I can't catch him

Dick: oh shit hold on. Jasooooon?

Jason, not looking up from his book but holding out his hand: give it.

Dick, grinning and handing him a slipper:

Jason, flicking his slipper and crushing the mosquito against the wall beside Tim: handled.

Tim, bewildered: did you just snipe a mosquito with a house shoe???

Dick, wheezing as he snatches the remote from Tim: there we go, all the finesse of a Hispanic mom. Thanks, Jay.

Jason, invested in the fifteenth chapter of his book: mhm.

The escalation from "I'm going to graffiti motivational quotes" to "I'm going to play obnoxious sirens of my voice everytime you get close" to "I'm going to unite with the server to bury you alive with your home, and I'm going to plant trees so it looks like you were never there" is certainly something.

this was smart <'3

dragons rising season 1 part 2 about to be crazy (click/tap on image for better quality)

wtf is discrete math this is silly. free the math. let the math be scandalous

What he said

While I scream into the void of not finishing any art, have this silly oc interaction of Dandy and Will cause Will's hands are huge and I couldn't stop thinking about how tiny he'd make Dandy's hands look in comparison.

Will Wayward belongs to the lovely @kandavers

elucien headcanon:

lucien feels through the bond that elain is under extreme stress in the middle of the night and can sense her panicking. despite his better judgement, he winnows to the river house thinking something terrible has happened and she is in immediate danger.

but when he frantically arrives, sword in hand, it's just elain babysitting nyx, with bags under her eyes, a diaper blow out all over her, covered in spit up, and a crying baby she is desperate to put to sleep.

"m-my lady, i apologize, i thought you were under duress--"

"i am in duress" elain starts crying.

cue elucien baby sitting night.