*vibrating slightly in place*

So ok. When I was in kindergarten, my classroom was arranged so that four desks were linked together, so we were in little groups. I used to regularly vibrate my desk and the three it was attached to, with three other children in them, across several feet of floor space, until the linked desks ran into the teacher's desk, which was larger and did not move with the force of my vibrations. I was a good student, but hard to control, and markedly uneven in my ability to like. Do anything. "Well," my mom said once, upon beholding my entire spectrum of a report card, "we'd just hate to be bored."

When I graduated with my bachelor's degree, seventeen years later, my mom said "I never thought you could do it," and when I, shocked, said "what?" she said "well what with your ADHD and all," and I said "my what?" and she said "well, i never wanted to shake your confidence, and I thought once they put a label on you it'd be over, but you super have like, turbo ADHD. Why, what do you think your deal is?" She said it nicely and not in those words at all, but it was the first time I'd ever really realized that I wasn't just mildly eccentric, I did seem to actually have something wrong with me.

I've been trying to get a diagnosis ever since. I've never been able to. I had no health insurance at all for a huge chunk of my twenties, which put a damper on things. One doctor told me "you'd know if you had that" and when I was like "I... do" she was like "no i mean. you'd already be being treated." Which shows a wild and totally unwarranted optimism in our medical system, but she was a resident. The doctor overseeing her care of me suggested I try taking fish oil capsules. To "rebuild my brain tissue".

I did. It didn't help. I still buy them but mostly I use them now to get my cat to take pills.

Eventually in my 30s my doctors started sort of believing me maybe, or at least realizing they couldn't really brush me off (I have gotten... less easily-cowed as I've aged) but they were all like "oh, I can't evaluate that. You'll have to research and find a place that can do a neuropsych eval for you. Insurance doesn't cover those. So good luck. Have some antidepressants in the meantime."

I slid into my 40s, still undiagnosed. I read as many self-help books on the topic as I could find, did all the checklists I found. They all said "girl you super have like turbo ADHD." I tried meditation. I tried divination. I tried bullet journaling, which was hilarious. I tried yoga.

I actually damaged myself doing yoga and am banned from yoga, but at least I'm in physical therapy now. (Word to the wise: if you have really really flexible hip joints, don't fucking do yoga. "Usually I don't have to tell people not to get into that position," said my bemused physical therapist. "Oh," I said, blissfully bepretzeled. "It feels super good." "Mm," she said, "you've torn your labrum. Stop doing that." Now I do really, really boring stretches that don't feel nearly as good, but I also can walk without limping, so. Like. We take the good with the bad I guess.)

Anyway. My PCP in January was like "wait you didn't follow my super vague directions to go see 'the guys downstairs' and see if they can squeeze you into their eleven-month waiting period to get an evaluation that i cannot mention without saying it's several thousand dollars and your insurance surely won't cover it? you must not want this diagnosis very badly!" (At no point has anyone ever given me a phone number for 'the guys downstairs'. I still don't know what she meant by any of those directions. This PCP and I technically speak the same language but I've never understood a single thing she has told me and I don't think she understands a word I say in return, everything I tell her seems to be such a shock to her. You blame antidepressants for your weight gain? I've never heard of that. Ma'am please look up what the incredibly common side effects of antidepressants are.)

I called around but noplace both took my insurance and was accepting new patients. Finally I gave up. Then my Dude went on our insurance company's website and took over the search. He found that there's some kind of concierge service thing, which the insurance company normally charges $450/mo for but our plan includes it, because it's pretty well-hidden on the website and most people aren't ever going to find it anyway. So he said, you know what, I am going to instigate a query on this.

They took two weeks but eventually came back with a list of 13 places, most of them not remotely local. Ten of them were red X's, disqualified for varying reasons-- one because the phone number didn't work, another because it's a seven-hour drive away and doesn't do telehealth. One was in New Jersey. None of them were the local places I had already called.

Two of them were valid, but the insurance wouldn't cover the evaluation for various reasons.

One of them was fully covered, the insurance company said. So I went there.

Their website said "no you're not we can't see you". But Dude was like, call them on the phone. Surely, surely, the concierge service couldn't have lied??? Bet, I said, and called them and left a message, and said to him, if they call me back I will eat a hat.

But they did. They called me back. "Our insurance checker widget is down," they said. "But we do take your insurance! We can see you. We just don't know how much it will cost."

Ominous.

But. They could see me later in the week, via a telehealth appointment.

So I signed up.

The appointment was this morning. I turned up. Their insurance checker thingy still wasn't working so they couldn't be sure how much the appointment would cost me. I at this point don't care, and gave them my HSA credit card, and said do what you will.

I waited 45 minutes and then texted the number they'd texted me from with the confirmation, and a moment later the guy showed up. "Whoops," he said, "that system isn't working quite right either!"

He talked to me for like. Three minutes, and was like "yeah that sounds. Pretty textbook. I'm going to prescribe you stimulants." He then proceeded to take a very basic medical history, and I recognized all the questions because I have researched stimulant medication for ADHD so much. And he was like "We're going to start with Adderall, check at your pharmacy in like an hour." And then he gave me extremely useful and detailed instructions on how to take it, when to take it, what side effects to worry about, what to expect, what to note down in case it might mean a problem, and how to be safe about it. (He asked me three times if I'd ever been suicidal, and it had also been in the online pre-screening. I am aware that can be a rare but very serious side effect of stimulants!)

And then I went to Rite-Aid and I now have 16 pills in my possession, and i am going to wait until tomorrow morning to start taking them, and I am already scheduled for my follow-up in 15 days.

I have absolutely no idea how much any of that is going to cost, but for the record the pills were eleven dollars.

So. I don't know why the last decade of my life has been spent being told that a comprehensive and unattainably expensive neuropsychological evaluation was my only option. Maybe this place is a disreputable pill mill or whatever. But. I am going to get to try to medicate this disorder that has warped my entire life to this point, and I am going to try to see if I can't have some more control over my life, and if it doesn't work then at least I will know, instead of on my deathbed being like "i wonder if i'd ever tried amphetamines maybe I'd have been able to finish a project ever in my life, guess we'll never know".

Which was what I was starting to genuinely think was going to happen.

Literally though why can't a primary care doctor just refer you to a psychiatrist who can then decide whether you need an assessment or whether your condition is likely to respond well to a basic diagnosis?? I get needing the whole nine yards if you're not sure what's wrong with this kid and you don't want to give them the wrong thing-- like I know misdiagnosing a bipolar sufferer with depression can give you really bad outcomes, for example-- but-- I don't know? I don't know.

I just want to be able to start and finish projects. What I'd really love is to be able to make to-do lists meaningfully, as that is an ability I did used to have and now absolutely don't. I legit cannot make a to-do list in any meaningful or useful way.

So we'll see. I'm going to keep a journal and the real test of whether the pills work is to see whether I can actually keep the journal.

But I need to find some kind of edible hat, at some point, just to keep my word.

You're The Worst | Chapter 1

Pairing: Touya Todoroki x Reader

Word Count: 875 words

Summary: Paw's and Claw's has a fun staff. However, the nosy bad boy, Touya, loves to pick on you. What will happen when he notices the array of bruises hidden under your sweatshirts? Maybe he isn't so bad after all.

Author's Note: So, this fic idea has been in my mind for a while. I hope everyone likes it. This will be a multi-chapter fic as I don't have a ton of time to write. Oof. Please be patient with me. Also, I inserted my cat Thomas because it's almost been a year since he passed, and I think of him every day. I know. So self-indulgent.

TW: Domestic Violence (Not from Touya), Fem!Reader, Violence in general (There will be a fight, not in this chapter though.), drinking, smoking, cursing. Let me know if I missed anything!

“That looks like shit.”

Good god, I wish he would just shut up. This is the third time today he’s butted into my work.

“No, it looks great Touya. You’re just an ass with shit handwriting. Jealous much?” We looked over my work. The sign looked great honestly. I really outdid myself this time. In delicate script it read “Tom” adorned with little hearts around the name. I put up the sign on Tom’s’ kennel, a large grey and white cat sitting at the farthest possible corner of the kennel away from the door. “Do you have his bio?”

“Of course, what am I? Incompetent?” He made quick work of putting up his bio underneath the name card I made. He typed his up like normal. I gazed sadly at the big tom cat sitting in the cage. “Hey doll, he’ll get adopted. You always get too attached.”

I grimaced at the pet name. He always looks for a way under my skin. However, he took it upon himself to never call me by name. I need to come up with my own for him. Maybe he’ll leave me alone if I come up with something heinous.

“Some of us have hearts, jackass.” Wait, that one fits. Still not original enough. I glanced at him to see him already staring at me. If looks could kill. You would think working in a shelter there would be nice coworkers here. Everyone else was nice. Not this guy. His intimidating look didn’t help his case. Tattoos were everywhere but the one on his face gets the most frowns from potential adopters. The row of flames over his left brow. Wait is that… “Touya, did you redye your hair? You should do a better job of not getting that shit on your skin. You look insane.”

“Why you lookin’ at me so hard? Like what you see?” My face was already showing my irritation before, but now I could feel it twist in disgust.

“No. The hair dye stains are really not doing it for me.” I do a swift 180 degrees and make my way out of the cat room and into the lobby once more. “Hey Toga! Any new applications come in?” Her face lit up as she looked up at me. Her sharp canines stuck out as she smiled.

“(Y/N)! We had one come in for Mochi!” She was practically jumping out of her chair. “Dabi! Come and look at the place!” Touya leaned over the counter and looked down above the monitor as I walked around the desk. It was a beautiful house in suburbia with a huge fenced in back yard. “Mochi will love it, don’t ya think?”

“He’ll love it little vamp.” I said. My eyes hovered over the screen to notice the time. “You should head out. It’s 5:30! You know the boss won’t be happy about you staying over too much.”

Toga pouted, but I was right. Tomura gets so pressed when she stays over. It must be that big brother dynamic. She got up to gather her things for the evening and shut down the computer. “He’ll be fine, but I’ll tell him you guys said hi!” With that she gave me a big hug and skipped towards the door and out to the parking lot. Touya turned and stared at me as soon as he had locked the door. Without saying a word I got to work cleaning the lobby. Working with animals was messy and there was a mix of dog and cat hair being swept up. I heard Touya’s heavy boots moving towards the hallway leading to the dog kennels. I instantly relaxed and continued my chores, completely blocking out my thoughts.

-

“Doll,” My body was on autopilot as I put away the cleaning supplies. “Don’t ignore me doll. It’s time to bail.” I quickly finished putting things up and grabbed my bag. Both our footsteps synced as we made our way to the door. Touya held the door open. “Ladies first.” I could hear the cockiness in his voice. He wasn’t going to get a reaction out of me so late in the day. My car’s taillights blinked as I unlocked it. Today was a hot one. The evening sun was shining on me. I pushed up the sleeves to my sweater and was nearly to my car when I heard Touya’s deep voice closer to me than expected. “That’s a nasty bruise.”

The sweaters I wore for the last 6 months were to avoid these questions. It was no secret Kai, my boyfriend, wasn’t the best guy. His record was a mile long. No one would know he mistreated me, however. Kai made a good show of being a loving boyfriend while also being a piece of shit in every other aspect of his life. He won me over with gifts and treated me like a princess. He said I was his perfect girl. Do men treat perfect girls like this?

“Mind your business.”

Touya’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not a dumbass, (y/n).” With that he got in his black 5.0 mustang and pulled out of the parking lot leaving me standing next to my car.

Hi Kiara!! I missed reading your fics hehe, it always brings me joy!! If you have time, please consider writing a fic with lee reader (male or gender neutral) and lers todoroki and bakugou! Hehe (Probably the Reader is a new student in UA, initially scared of Todoroki and Bakugou because of their brutality in the UA Sports Festival. But then Midoriya decided to introduce the reader to them to show that they're not that scary, and the teasy midoriya somehow make Bakugou and Todoroki wreck the reader with tickles lol). P.S. please no foot/palm tickles, have a nice day Kiara! Looking forward to it <3

You’ll fit in Just fine

A/N: Hello nonnie!! I’m glad my fics bring you happiness.

Summary: You just transferred to UA and Izuku helps you fit into 1-A. He introduces you to Bakugou and Todoroki. Everyone thinks that they’re very intimidating, but Izuku will prove otherwise by inviting you to a game night!

G/N- Gender Neutral (They/Them)

———————————————————————-

“My stuff is already here?” You asked Deku nervously. “Yeah I helped your parents bring your stuff up” He smiled at you.

“Come on i have some friends I would like for you to meet” He eagerly grabbed your hand. You grabbed on to anything and everything to stop him from bringing dragging you inside of the dorms. “Y/N come on there’s nothing to be nervous about” he explained as he pull.

As you entered the dorms mix of excitement and apprehension. But a couple of them were playing a game when you walked in. “Hey guys this is Y/N. They’re new here” Deku introduced. “H-hi I’m F/N L/N. I was originally supposed to be here on the first day of UA but they lost some paper work and I had to wait.” You explained.

“Omg hiiiii Y/N I’m Mina by the way I love your hair is pretty” Mina complimented you. “I’m Denki IS THAT A FRUITSBASKET TATTOO I LOVE THAT ANIME” Denki fanboyed over the tattoo. One by one they introduced themselves to you it calmed your nerves. “Hey do you guys wanna play with us?” Sero offered.

“I have to help them finish unpacking plus I want them to meet Kacchan and Todoroki” He smiled before he dragged you into the elevator. “When you said todoroki you don’t mean… Endeavor’s son Shouto do you?” Your nerves started creeping up on ya. “Yes and Kacchan, I still can’t believe you don’t remember him the three of us use to play heroes all the time” Deku reminded you.

“WAIT BAKUGOU?! KATSUKI BAKUGOU?!” The realization finally hit you. “Yes him” Deku giggled. “He’s that guy from the sports festival who went up against ochako!!” You started panicking.

“Kacchan isn’t gonna hurt you netheir is Todoroki they’re both super fun to be around once you get to know em” Deku reassured you as you two walk to Todoroki’s room he knocked on the door as it open you see Bakugou sitting down on his bed.

“Hey sho” Deku happily greeted. “Hello Midoriya” He greeted him back as he notice you “Who’s this Midoriya are they new?” He asked.

“Bingo! This is Y/F/N Y/L/N, Y/N this is Shoto and That is Kacchan”Deku introduced. “Haven’t seen this extra since back when I was 5” Kacchan raised a brow looking at you. “H-Hi is that the one card game you were talking about Izu?” You asked noticing the game infront of Bakugou.

“Oh yeah that’s the Truth or Dare game lets all play it” Deku plopped on Shoto’s bed. Shoto closed the door as both you and him sat on his bed. “Sure why not” Todoroki agreed as he opened the boxes and found some cards laying the two stacks ‘Truth’ and ‘Dare’. “You’re going first Deku” bakugou stated.

“Fine” Deku goes picking up a date card “Dare spin in a circle for 30 seconds and walk in a straight line, if you fail cold water will be poured on you! Guys can we do 15 seconds? Pleaseeeee” Deku whined. You, bakugou, and Todoroki told him no.

“Fine If i hurt myself I blame all of you” Deku pouted as he did his dare successfully surprisingly.

“You’re turn Kacchan” Deku smiled. “I know that Deku” He also picked up a Dare “Dare have a chugging contest with the person on your left. loser has to get a nose hair pulled you’re gonna lose Deku” Bakugou grinned handing Deku a water bottle.

They both began to chug and surprisingly it was a tie. “Who won it was me right icyhot?” He gasped for air. “Nah uh it was totally me right Y/N” Deku argued. “Well it was a tie” you and todoroki both say. “So who gets the punishment?” Deku asked “I guess no one since it was a tie if so then I’m drawing my card” Todoroki explained picking up a dare “Dare draw a Truth um okay Truth is it true that you like cats? Yes my sister has a cat at home she just adopted her, her name is Chi Chi” Todoroki told the truth.

“That wasn’t fair” Deku pouted.

“Your turn nerd” Bakugou notified you. You picked up a Dare “Dare send your mom or dad a risky message then text oops wrong person. Yeah no that’s a set up Andrea my parent will kill me. I’m picking truth Truth are you ticklish No okay your turn Midoriya” you sped up the last bit. “Why—“

“Shut up go” you side-eyed Deku smiling nervously. “You didn’t read the the whole card dummy we have to prove if it’s true or not” Deku giggled as you doubled back looking at the card it did indeed say that.

Little did you know, Bakugou and Todoroki had mischievous sides too. Suddenly, they teamed up and decided it was time to initiate you into their group by indulging in some lighthearted tickling fun.

As they approached you with mischievous grins, you tried to protest, but the ticklish sensations overwhelmed your resistance. “Seehe I’m not tihicklish” “Oi Deku come hold their arms down there in my way” Bakugou demanded. And of course Deku pinned your arms above your head which made you more vulnerable and ticklish.

“Lehet goho izhuhuku you traitohor” you let giggles out.

Giggles and laughter filled the room as they tickled you, gently but persistently, until you couldn't hold back the laughter anymore.

“Ohohkahahay wahahait ihit tihickles ahahaha” you tried wiggling out of Deku’s grip. “That’s the point” Deku giggled tracing shapes on your neck,as bakugou started scribbling your armpits.

“Nahahahaha THAHAHATS BAHAHAHAHAD”

“Finally they cracked” Bakugou smirked . “They’re more ticklish than you Midoriya” Todoroki teased drilling his fingers into your hips. “Todoroki!” Deku blushed.

“OHOHOHOKAHAHAHAY OHOHOKAHAHAY” you tapped the floor and they let up. “See I told you they weren’t that bad” Deku giggled.

After the tickling stopped, you realized that your initial fear of Bakugou and Todoroki had melted away. Their playful antics had brought you closer together, and from that day forward, you all cherished the bond of friendship, knowing that laughter truly knows no bounds.

"Tale as old as time", or how Good Omens planted a seed in my soul that's growing more and more (bettah) [2/2]

[Continues from Part 1] Then we started watching S2, and as it happens in any good mystery story, clues became evidences. Crowley and Aziraphale started laying their cards on the table. Throughout the episodes, they act more and more like an "us" and we get used to the idea that their side is a fact. No matter what happens, they will face it together, as they did more and more in the last 6.000 years of their "tale as old as time". Being a coup... ehm, "group of the two of us" without telling themselves and each other, walking on a wire. And then came the rainstorm, the canopy, Jane Austen, the ball, Beelzebub and Gabriel going off together, Nina and Maggie talking with Crowley. The moment not only the characters but the audience, too, realize that the ineffable love could be actually named and told. "Just a little change, small to say the least / Both a little scared, neither one prepared." It was pure revelation, mind-blowing and delightful. After 9 long years, I finally knew that they loved each other, that I loved them, and that I wanted them to be happy together, forever. If I could feel it so deeply, I wonder what it could have been like for Neil himself to discover that the two characters he knew so well from almost 30 years were in love with each other. And then, after 6 "quiet, gentle and romantic" episodes, exploring the evolution of the characters and their relationship and mutual influence through the time (6.000 years of bickering, longing glances and building trust in each other, "bittersweet and strange, finding you can change, learning you were wrong"), the last 15 minutes suddenly came and leave them (and us) heartbroken, as their love is told and denied in the very same moment. It was painful and devastating. And here I am now. Two months have passed since I saw S2 E6, and all that I, all that we can do is wait (and see, hopefully). But it's not, it can't be as before. Something in me has definitely changed. Or rather, it woke as if it had been long asleep. And it grows better and better. This story made me feel things I hadn't felt for years. It's making me feel love, and pain, and longing, and hope. It made me remember how great stories (amazing lies) can make you experience true, deep feelings ("true as it can be"); and it awoke my desire to tell stories and share feelings as well, a wish that had lied sleeping in the back of my mind for a long time. So yes, I am obsessed with GO, but it's not just about this story I love, it's also about me, I believe. And all the time in-between reading the book, watching S1 once, rewatching it and then watching S2 lead me to this, because things can develop and grow only with time. So I guess I should be grateful for that heartbreaking cliffhanger. If S3 had already been there for us to watch, I would have already consumed the answers I wanted. My mind would be at peace and probably none of this would have happened. Instead, I find myself full of questions (about the story, and about my life), I'm restless and eager, I'm painfully alive. And I feel like a new path, a new chapter, is opening before me. "Certain as the sun rising in the East", in the next years I'll be waiting for Neil to tell us about the "Neighbour of the Beast", and in the meantime I'll try my best to cling to that feelings as a precious gift, don't let them go, nurture them and use them for the best. There are many things I wish to thank @neil-gaiman for, but this is probably the most important so far.

Cheeseceli 1K Event

╰─▸ click to read!

𝅗𝅥 ── Celi's Playlist ── 𝅗𝅥

1. As you can read below, there are some lyrics that will be used as prompts.

2. When requesting, please tell me the prompt you chose + the idol of your choice (I will be writing for all members of Stray Kids, Tomorrow X Together, BTS and Ateez)

3. You can also tell me which format you would like more (headcanons or drabble) and which genre (fluff, angst or hurt/comfort). If you don't, I'll choose it myself!

4. Each prompt can be only used once. So after someone sends the request in, I will be scratching it from the list

5. You have until may 8th to send the requests in. Have fun <3

01 ── "cause my baby's sweet as can be, she gives me toothache just from kissing me" - Hyunjin

02 ── "aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?"

03 ── "you're my escape from reality, you know what you mean to me" - Felix

04 ── "if you hold me without hurting me you'll be the first who ever did" - San

05 ── "i like shiny things but I'd marry you with paper rings"

06 ── "it's the way you wear your emotions on both your sleeves to the face you make when I tell you I have to leave" - Lee Know

07 ── "there used to be nights where you were a little bit drunk, baby. The stories I heard for the first time, I liked to see you being honest" - Changbin

08 ── "let me stay by your side cause it's good enough for me"

09 ── "but friends don't say words that make friends feel like more than friends, so let's just put the 'end' in 'friends'" - Lee Know

10 ── "I look up from my phone and think there's no way it's you, but it is"

11 ── "This life is crazy, but it led me to you. If you call on me forever I will come"

12 ── "she's a lady, and I'm just a boy" - Mingi

13 ── "yesterday it finally came, a sunny afternoon. I was on my way to buy flowers for you"

14 ── "The only thing that is harder than sleeping alone is sleeping with your ghost"

15 ── "I could have that voice playing on repeat for a week and in this packed out room, I swear she was singing to me"

16 ── "Although our steps might not match each other I want to walk this road with you"

17 ── "I lost her in the crowd. It's unfair, she's out there somewhere. I wonder if we'll ever meet again"

18 ── "everything could be everything if only we were older"

19 ── "And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be: right in front of me" - Lee Know

20 ── "if you're looking for stable that'll never be me, but I hope that I'm able to be all that you need. If you think I'm someone to give up and leave, that'll never be me"

21 ── "So baby, if you think you can handle me please handle me carefully" - Bang Chan

22 ── "Even ten years from now, if you haven't found somebody I promise I'll be around. Tell me when you're ready. I'm waiting" - Bang Chan

23 ── "Brand new apartment, we sat on the floor. You're all that I wanted, never been so sure"

24 ── "I loved you for three summers now, honey, but I want them all" - Lee Know

25 ── "A house made of cards and stupidly us inside. Even if you say it's a useless dream, just stay a little more like this" - Hongjoong

26 ── "I don't want to want you, but in my dreams I seem to be more honest. And I must admit, you've been in quite a few" - Hyunjin

27 ── "you know I talk too much. Honey come put your lips on mine and shut me up" - Soobin

28 ── "I swear to God when I come home I'll hold you so close, I'll never let go" - Hyunjin

29 ── "I had all then most of you, some and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met"

30 ── "you tell me that you'd rather fight than spend a single peaceful night with somebody else" - Yeonjun

Thank you all once again🤍

Taglist open !

Dividers by @saradika-graphics and images by @tyunlouv

hi hi jovie!!

i'd like to throw in 7 and 30! since 30 is supposed to be a made-up question, i want to ask:

What made you like Rollo? (or you can do this with azul instead or both hdklsfj)

HIII HIII Ty for the ask!!! 🙏

Oh boy the perfect excuse to ramble about Rollo and Azul

7. Is there an SSR you really wanted but never got?

It wasn't one....but two

If I remember correctly, BOTH cards came right after his birthday. And I wanted all of his birthday cards...

Azul stop having your event cards come after your birthday I DON'T HAVE THE GEMS OR KEYS FOR THIS SHIT.

And since I missed the first glosmas event (was on a break from twst) I doubt I'll get his card because I'm desperate for Rollo's 💔 (I actually want all 3 but only in my dreams)

30. What made you like Rollo? (Or Azul?)

I'll answer for both characters because once I'm asked about my faves I can't shut up. Ahem.

Azul:

When I first saw Azul he was immediately the first character to catch my attention. There's something about fancy-vintage-dressed motherfuckers that are clearly not what they present themselves as that really gets me (I just like guys in fancy suits).

Plus Ursula has always been one of my favourite Disney Villains, so I was extremely curious to see Azul's character. And oh boy was I not prepared for it.

Now I love Azul mainly because of how relatable he is to me. Ever since I witnessed his breakdown before his overblot. Not just his backstory and struggles with bullying and weight, but the way he is in the present.

We're not the same obviously, but I can't help but see myself in a lot of the things he does and likes.

I also like small cozy places, I like collecting one specific thing (for me it's funko pops or pins), I tend to calculate and think ahead of how something will go down and the possible outcomes etc. (I also love money)

Ofc it's not exactly like him, he's a fictional character created for entertainment, and I'm just some 17 year old lmao.

Rollo:

Rollo.... honestly I did not expect to love Rollo this much. It's actually hard to explain why (I lied, this ended up longer because I couldn't shut up. Sorry, it kinda turned into a Rollo analysis lmao 😭).

Thinking about it, I think I love Rollo because he wasn't what I was expecting. I don't even think I was really expecting anything, I was just curious about what Yana Toboso did with him, considering he's twisted from Frollo of all characters. And oh boy was I not prepared for him.

(obvious glosmas spoilers ahead for anyone who hasn't read the event.Here is the rest of the twst ask game)

I believe the point I really leeched myself onto this rat man is during his break down in the bell tower due to Idia's speech. It's devastating seeing him lash out as his world view crumbles right in front of his eyes. It's sad, it depressing, I can't help but feel pity for him.

His actions made a lot more sense to me then. He lost his brother to Magic, and he assumes that his brother would have also wanted Magic gone for this exact reason. Only thing is he can't know that for sure, his brother's dead, we can't know what his feelings regarding his death are. And Idia even calls him out on that!

Rollo is the one that wants Magic gone, I do think he believes it'll make the world better, but I believe he also does it out of revenge, for his selfish reasons. He's angry with the Mages that did nothing to help, he's angry with a world that allows Magic to be used so carelessly, he's angry with himself for being weak, for not doing anything, and then hates himself for being a Mage.

All of that results to him holding an intense hate for Magic, finding it completely dangerous and hates mages for using it carelessly. He's so devoted in his views, he even projects it onto others he thinks will agree with him. It's what he did with MC, they're magicless, so of course they'd agree with him, and when they didn't, he immediately jumped on the defensive and said it's sad they're used to the chaos, dismissing their answer completely.

But he also punishes himself. He doesn't let himself properly grieve and move on, to heal from the trauma, to the point I believed the death happened recently, until I realised he got his magic after the death, and assuming before getting into NBC, so he couldn't have been older than 15-16. And he's 18 now.

We see he's clearly struggling with depression thanks to his SSR card story. Sleeping very little, eating very little, outright refusing to have any social interactions with his peers. It's the things I, and many others, could relate to, to an extent.

He hates magic, the world that favours magic, the people that wield it and himself, for doing nothing to save his brother and then possessing the very thing that took him.

And I just...find all this super fucking interesting and cool???? LIKE it's such an interesting twisted from Frollo's character, because Rollo's rage is justified and understandable (even tho his actions cannot be excused).

Rollo isn't a villain, none of the characters are, he's an extremely confused, lost and damaged kid that needs help ASAP. He doesn't need to like or use magic, but he needs to learn to stop projecting his ideals onto others and start moving on with his life. To get new, realistic goals for himself, and stop obsessing over a goal that's not attainable, at least not for him. (Fire lotuses felt like a "holy fuck I can actually do it??" moment to me, instead of something he can repeat again).

Idk man I just want him to be happy, maybe while looking after a garden, make him a flower shop owner or something. He deserves a peaceful life.

I hope we see him again... imagine a new event where he's forced to work together with Malleus. Oh the potential...in both comedy and tragedy.

Twst asks game can be found here

Sending you some virtual hugs. I feel you.

I read your post about Yuzu and his fans and I have that feeling for a long time. I really love Yuzu's skating but the constant downputting of other skaters is annoying as hell. Also constantly bringing up old stuff when Yuzu competed and hold it against skaters in current judging is completely nonsense. Now is now. I hate the victim card ppl play for Yuzu all the time even when he's not affected by any kind of scoring nonsense anymore.

I actually haven't seen the current debates, but I have seen enough and been attacked enough over the years to have an idea. I stopped following a lot of accounts a few years ago - before Beijing even - which lead me to missing information about Yuzu but it made me more at peace myself. I just follow those Fanyus who don't engage in hatred towards other skaters.

I know Yuzu is not at fault for his fans behavior and I feel very sad that their behavior tainted my love for Yuzu. 😭

Answer this as you like as private answer or not or also not answer it at all. I don't mind just here to tell you that you should do whatever feels best for you.

Hiii!

Thank you very much for taking the time to message me.

It's pretty much always the same, how dare they mention quad revolution without saying Yuzu was the one who launched it? (when even Yuzu himself in 2015 said he was inspired by Boyang bringing the 4lz to be stronger...). How dare they give a skater 9 in PCS when Yuzu had more artistry? .....What does that even mean?

It's the constant need to bring a skater down and compare them to Yuzu that I can't take anymore. It's even doing Yuzu a disservice because Fanyus don't have the greatest reputation out there and they're just digging and digging their already very deep grave.

I actually enjoyed Angers, scores aside because that'll never improve, and you can't even be happy for skaters without being reminded that YUZU DID IT WAY BETTER. What's the point? They believe ISU will erase his legacy by dictating what commentators say when they're actually the ones tarnishing it by bringing so much anger and pettiness into the mix.

They even went after Mark Henretty who's the most dedicated one we've had EVER because they weren't happy with a small thing he said last season.

So yeah, I'm at a point where I'd rather not know what Yuzu is doing (even here on Tumblr because it'll remind me that fstwi exists) than have to deal with their bitterness. The man is HAPPY, this need to avenge him is mute. They're on a crusade against the void and I wonder sometimes whether they'll it go at some point or will just continue because not getting what they want out of it will simply make their anger stronger.

"I feel very sad that their behavior tainted my love for Yuzu. 😭" this hit very hard because I'm fighting it like crazy, have been for the past year actually. When before it was anxious anticipation and nerves but joy, now I'm just dragging my feet.

And I think just maybe, having solid Yuzu material once a year doesn't help either, whether it's the fans trying to sty positive in this sea of negativity, or even them because they don't hve much to turn to. Don't get me wrong, GIFT and RE_PRAY are incredible and time consuming but once you've watched it 30 times then what? You go back to Chopin and Seimei and H&L... and you compare the skaters still active to these performances. The wheel never stops turning.

I'm rambling, sorryyy.

Best Friends

So we're on the road to see J's best friend who lives with his wife on the Gulf Coast of Florida.

A few years ago (pre-covid), W had a major cardiac scare and emergency surgery. And then a couple years ago, he had a major motorcycle accident that landed him in the hospital for a bit too. He's still with us though. Thank goodness. ❤️

W and J have been friends for nearly 36 years...slightly longer than my almost 34 year friendship with A (but that's because they're 6 years older than us, and they (thank goodness) have both outlived A). They met when they were 16. They are now almost 52. W's birthday is 9 days before J's. A's birthday was 19 days after mine. W is short; J is tall (A was tall; I am short). W's first marriage was fraught with drama (no kids though which I guess is good) and he has a strained relationship with his family of origin (we're happy he's found security with wife number 2, who probably saved his life at least once)...which is a lot like A. Only A never got the happy ending with wife number 2. He stayed in the drama because they did have a kid. And J has a strained and complicated relationship with his family too, but it's not as bad as W's. (J's dad doesn't like me but he did come to our wedding, which W's parents didn't...to either one of his). And for two fairly stereotypically masculine men over 50, they are pretty emotionally close and comfortable with each other. There are a lot of parallels between J and W's friendship and A's and mine. That's probably why J was never jealous of A when literally every other guy who got near me was. He saw the parallels; he got it.

J's original plan to propose to me was at W's house. When I met W for the first time (that was so nerve wracking). Hurricane Frances ruined J's plans. But as we drove home in 10+ straight hours of driving rain, W called to check on us and J put him on speakerphone, because W was talking about me and J wanted me to hear it. See, we played Trivial Pursuit the night before we left because the power was out, and we could read the cards with a flashlight.

W said, "J, man, I used to think you were the smartest person I'd ever met, but then I met Jen. Now I think probably she's the smartest person I ever met. 😂 You done good." I blushed. W still doesn't know J let me hear that. J looked so wickedly proud of me then I didn't even know what to do with myself. Usually guys cut me loose once they knew I was smart...they'd have definitely ended things if their best friend said out loud that maybe I was smarter than them. Not J. I remember thinking then that A would approve of J when he'd never liked a boyfriend before. (True. Eventually.)

We just took a call from W to check our ETA. J put him on speaker again.

W: Seeing where you are so maybe we could meet you on the road for lunch.

J: We are just now entering Florida. ETA says 3:30 now to your place.

W: Thought you'd be to (city) by now. I love you and all, but I'm not driving to Georgia. 😂

But you know...he would drive to Georgia if we asked him to meet us for lunch. I know he would. When J and I got married, even though W is unquestionably his best friend, he didn't ask him to be his best man, because, 'I didn't want to obligate you to come all that way.' W was pissed/hurt a little, but he knows that's just how J is. So the Georgia comment was a joke. 19 years ago, W said, 'Obligate me? My best friend's getting married...FINALLY (that's a whole nother story 😂). No way I'm missing that.' A missed our wedding, because he'd moved out of state during a rough patch, in our friendship and in his life, and he distanced himself for a while. In fact, he missed all of my early relationship with J, except for the VERY beginning. He said many times since, 'I can't believe I missed that.' Me neither. 💔

Anyway, this isn't the original spring break trip we had on deck this year. We were going to go to some of the National Parks in the Southwest. That's where the Boy wanted to go. But when A died, he changed his mind before we could book anything. He took A dying pretty hard. And he remembers W's heart problem and his accident.

"I wanna go to Florida this year instead. You and Dad never get to see your friends." 😭❤️ (How lucky am I that this is my kid, right?)

A, I'll have to live with the regret that I never went to see you where you lived before you died. You always told me not to feel like I needed to come because, 'There's nothing to do here, Jen 😂'. But there was the most important, best thing to do there. There was seeing my best friend. And now I get to visit a grave instead. Should have argued with you more, you fucker. But I'm glad we're headed to see W now. Two hours away from somehow hearing W crack TALL jokes at J for 3 days, when you always cracked short jokes at me every time we saw each other.

Best friends are precious. If you are lucky enough to have one, make it weird and tell them you love them today.

Poise & Progress: Update

It's been a few days since I last posted but I promise I've actually been being productive. But this makes me very aware of my lack of time management. So that's another thing that I need to work on.

But in the meantime, here are some updates on my progress as it relates to my level up journey.

Spirituality: So far, I've been pretty good with daily Bible Study. I've been trying to do it the moment I wake up. (which is supposed to be at 5am but I've been struggling there honestly. But 6:30 isn't so bad) I did, however, intentionally skip out on reading the Bible one morning. I just needed more sleep. But I won't be too harsh on myself there.

Skills: I currently have an 18 day streak on Duolingo learning Italian. I find it easier to squeeze that into my day during breaks at work or little moments when I'm waiting for something else. And I think I'm retaining a lot which is good. I want to elevate this by listening to Italian music or podcasts though. Maybe I'll create a nice little playlist.

Side Hustle: I've been working on creating my website and social media pages to start a social media agency, specializing in Social Media Marketing and Social Media Management. I also subscribed to a Social Media Management Course on Coursera to increase my knowledge (and credibility) in the field.

Exercise: Not doing so well here honestly. I need to be more disciplined in getting out of bed early enough to do a mini workout but I have not been doing that. I tried a 20 minute pilates at home video one morning and only did 7 minutes of it before I got back into bed and caught a few more minutes of sleep. (Rome wasn't built in a day) I promise I'm going to try harder. I also think I need to determine which is more doable for me, working out in the mornings before work or in the evenings after work.

Nutrition: I have yet to go to the grocery store and purchase what I need to start meal prepping and eating healthier. I'll get there.

Finances: I've been adding quite a bit to my savings accounts which I'm proud of. And I've also been making more frequent payments to my credit card bill (I managed to let my depression get the best of me a while back and that credit card was my therapy - which also means I'm in the process of rebuilding my credit score, even though I no longer live in America) This is also forcing me to be more responsible with my spending considering as soon as I get paid, most of the money goes towards my savings and I'm forced to spend way less. Once I build up a proper emergency fund and reach my savings goals, I can start investing.

Appearance: I really want to get new clothes and build the wardrobe of my dreams but I'm trying to make do with what I have for the moment so that I can focus on my financial goals first.

All in all, I'm proud of the little efforts I've made thus far. I know that if I can keep it going and push a little harder, I'll be my dream self in no time.

I'm Yours - Ch. 5 Somewhere Only We Know

Y/N's POV

I went right to bed when Toto sent me a message that he got back safely. My alarm went off at 7:30 in the morning, feeling well-rested and hugging a pillow. My sleeping self wished it was in Toto's embrace, just wanting to lie beside him in his hold - the thought just made me smile. Rubbing my eyes and turning to grab my phone from the nightstand, I saw a notification from Toto. I clicked it, and my smile instantly grew wider.

Good Morning Schazti! I hope you slept well!

He is charming, something I never experienced in my life, someone who doesn't think I'm invisible, sees me, and, I hope, cares. I instantly replied I didn't want to keep him waiting. When I'd text back and forth with other guys, I would purposefully delay my response; it was the dating culture, but Toto was different. I didn't want to keep him waiting. I only think about him and just want to be around him. Finally, thinking of a response.

Good Morning Toto! I did, but I wish it was your embrace while I sleep instead of hugging my pillow.

I hadn't realized I was biting my lip from the response. Yes, it was suggestive, hoping I was in bed with him, and that text made it really clear, but that was all I wanted. To be in his embrace, cuddle into his body that engulfs mine. He is a hands-on person. After all, that was all I noticed yesterday: the small touches here and there. And don't get me wrong, I liked it too. The stolen and accidental touches are all I crave. Deciding on finally getting out of bed and getting ready for the day. I don't have to be as quiet as before since everyone in my family is mostly up. I head to the washroom to brush my teeth and relieve myself of the ungodly water I drink throughout the night. After doing so, I wash my face and assess the appearance of my hair. It doesn't need to be drenched in the water this time; the curls are looser than yesterday and look much more bouncy. Happy with it, I head back to my room and pick an outfit for the day.

Since I am not people-facing and will be in the library, my look will be far more toned down today. I head to my dresser and pick out a nude bra so it doesn't show as much with the white tank top and seamless underwear to wear with a black pair of leggings. Slipping those on, you pick out a couple of grey wool socks and decide on a black baggy sweater with the NASA logo and some other features. It was simple and relaxed, but I also put it together and paired it with black Doc Martins and my black puffer vest from yesterday. It was a monochromatic look but a tad more stylish than plain black. After getting dressed and grabbing my bag from yesterday, I head out the door to the train station. I didn't unpack my bag yesterday, so I kept everything in it, making it one less thing to worry about.

The commute into the city was typical as usual: taping the card on the entry and exiting the train, then transferring to the subway once I got into the city. On the subway, I decided to work in the library today to complete course readings and work on small assignments. I wanted a change in scenery and wasn't required to be in my small office. It was customary for me to do so, plus the library I will be heading to is typically dead. The Medieval department has a small library, but it was my favourite to study in. The aesthetic of wooden bookshelves and tables, the winding stairs to the upper balcony of books and the stained glass windows and wooden arches on the inside made me feel like I wasn't in a metropolitan area in the middle of the busy city. It was my quiet oasis in the city to get work done. I didn't like the modern libraries on campus because they were all mono-coloured and industrial, plus the ventilation system was loud, making it hard to think. And the amount of reading and annotating I needed to get done required peace and quiet with minimal people. Getting out on the subway spot close to your department, you walked further to reach the Medieval department.

Entering the building was eerie, but it brought you a sense of comfort. Not a single sound meant no one was in there but the staff. Taking your rightful spot on the library's second floor close to an outlet and stained glass window, you set your bag on the seat next to the one you will be sitting in. Pulling out the chair and taking a seat, you start to unpack your laptop and tablet with its stand so you can have a dual monitor set up to read and make notes. You started looking in the course site on which readings to get done. Taking the chance to download everything, you turn your phone to silent and place it in your bag to minimize the number of distractions. Once everything was set up, you started with the first of 4 articles. It could have been better, depending on the week; sometimes it was heavy or light on the required reading, and for 2 courses, this was typical, so it should take just a little over 1pm to finish. The first glance at the articles was to read the summary and/or the introduction, then the last few paragraphs to grasp the topic and make notes on the argument presented. The second read-through of the article consisted of finding argument points and quotes that can help on future assignments or anything that brought a question to mind or something to comment on during your discussion in the lecture. You repeated this process for the remaining three articles, occasionally looking at your school email for any critical updates or inquiries from your other commitments that needed your attention. Since there wasn't much to check, you went back to reading. By the time you were done reading all the material and making the required annotations, it put you at 2pm and decided this was the point where you well deserved a break. Taking this as an opportunity to look at your phone before packing up to grab something to eat, you turn on the device and see a notification from Toto. Biting your lip, eager to see his response, you unlock the device and chat with him; his response tells you to turn crimson.

Is that so ….. I couldn't stop thinking about you, too. What are you doing today?

Your heart melted; he was thinking about me!! It was an understatement that I wasn't thinking about him, but I had other things to focus on. Noticing that he sent the last message not too long ago, you decide to reply to his inquiry on your day.

I just finished reading some articles and was about to grab lunch! Why, what's up?

Sending the message only seconds ago, and before you could even exit the app, you saw that he was typing. Eager to see how he would respond, you waited until you saw the little typing bubble disappear. Anxiously, you started biting your bottom lip. We all know that waiting for any response from someone you are currently crushing on can feel like an eternity. However, with Toto, it was as if time stood still, and before you knew it, there was a response.

Would you like to grab lunch together?

A smile pulled onto your lips, but you slightly started to panic. Sure, you did, but you wanted to avoid going to a restaurant like last night. In the middle of your overthinking brain, another message pops up.

We can grab lunch and bring it back to my hotel room to eat.

As if the first offer wasn't enough, but he wanted to be alone in his hotel room while we ate, now you definitely weren't sure what direction this thing was going. You knew you needed to respond but needed to learn how. Taking a few breaths and not getting too far ahead, you decide it may be just a friendly lunch of ordering food and eating together. Mustering up the courage to respond, you finally reply.

Sure, I would like that!

The text gives too much indication that I'm a little speechless, but I could care less at this moment. I started packing my things, waiting to see how Toto would respond to agreeing to have lunch with him. As I put all my stuff in my bag, I took hold of my phone and saw that he responded.

Sounds great! Is there anything you were craving or specifically wanted to get?

Taken back by the response, he was letting me decide on what we get to eat. From the events that happened last night, all he did was get to pick the options and not get me wrong. If I add that he did that yesterday, it was a lovely and grand gesture. But I like the option of picking as well. I responded that I didn't want to keep him waiting because he would order or we would go together to pick up lunch.

Is sushi okay? Are you not up to eating raw fish?

I was telling him my food choice but also wanted to give him an option. I know raw fish isn't for everyone, so I was okay with checking to see if that was okay with him. As I was getting up from my seat and putting my backpack on my shoulders, I saw a message from Toto.

Perfect! Here is the address to the Hotel, and my room number is 562. You can drop off your bag while we pick up lunch nearby and bring it back to eat. I will let the front desk know that you are coming up so they won't give you too much trouble. See you soon!

You smiled at the response; he knew your bag was heavy and wanted to make you comfortable. Copying the address into Google Maps, you saw that the Hotel was only a 15-minute walk from where you were. It was okay, and odd that the hotel was close to here. You were in the middle of the downtown core, so tourists wanted to visit your university. Study the directions closely so you don't have to keep looking down at your phone as you approach him. You put on your sunglasses and headphones to play music and exit the library. The weather was nice out, which made the short walk pleasant; following the directions you saw, you made it to the hotel Toto was staying at in no time. You entered the front doors and told the front desk that you were there to see a guest at the room number he had given you. They just got off the phone with Toto since the gentleman nodded, said he was waiting, and gave you a slight direction to find his room. You thanked the man and took the elevator up. You were eager to see Toto again and more relaxed than yesterday, but you weren't expecting this. Pulling you from your thoughts as the elevator dings, meaning it is on the floor you need, you search from the room. Once finding it, you knocked on the door softly. Yes, you were a little nervous, but you double-checked to ensure it was the room. A few seconds too long later, you saw a smiling Toto. "Hi," "Hi," "Why don't you come on in." All you could do was nod as Toto turned slightly to allow you to enter the room, which you did. You walked in, entering the space, in which you heard the door close and heard him make his way to you. "You can place your bag on the couch. I just need to get my jacket, wallet and phone, and we will be good to go, okay?" "Sure, take your time; I'm in no rush."

You smiled warmly at him to ensure he didn't need to rush and waited a few minutes until he was ready. Looking out the window, admiring the view from his hotel room, you hear Toto speak. "Ready to go?" "Yes, lead the way." You approach him so you both can exit the room to grab lunch. He opens the door to allow you to leave first so he can shut the door behind us. He ensured it was closed, as it now had your belongings. You silently waited for him, not wanting to rush the man. He then turns to you, smiles and leads the way to the elevator. He presses the button to take us down until you hear him speak. "I hope you don't mind walking. It's a nice day, and the place is not too far away to require driving?" "No, not at all, I don't mind! ….. Yes, it is nice out."

You blushed a little; it was nice that he was considering your comfort around him. Both of you stepped into the elevator when it came to the floor you were on. The silence wasn't awkward; it felt comfortable not to speak for a bit, and I was still thinking about some of the things I needed to work on, so I am still trying to shift my mindset to relax. Arrived at the hotel lobby and walked past the front desk towards the doors and onto the city streets. You slipped your sunglasses back on since it was still sunny out, and you didn't want to strain your eyes from squinting so much, having the same thought. Toto also did the same with his sunglasses. You glanced up at him, just admiring his facial features and the way his sunglasses sat on his face. You wouldn't tell him you liked his particular pair, but it was a nice, rounded frame that suited his face well. He led most of the way to the sushi shop. It was close to your side of campus, and you passed this shop quite often but have yet to bother to try the place out. As you got to the place's entrance, you saw Toto a few steps ahead to grab the door and hold it open while you stepped in first, with him following behind you.

You both stand side by side, glancing up at the menu; you have an idea of what you want just by glancing at the options. You also wanted to get a little because you saw the prices and wanted to be sure it was enough for Toto to pay. You felt guilty that he was paying for everything these past few days. He wouldn't let you pay for any of your stuff. Pulling you from your thought, "Have you decided what you want, or did you want me to order for the both of us?" Now that thought was intriguing again, to let him decide on food again. It would be nice for someone to choose from your option, which consisted of an assortment of sashimi and a few pieces of a salmon roll. Finally deciding on what you want to do, you reply to Toto's inquiry, "Sure, you can pick; the only request is that there is sashimi; I'm not picky about what you get, tho," you said, turning to him, and he just looked at you. He smiled and nodded at your little request. You just stood there silent again. It honestly felt nice not to make every decision. It was a long day for you, even though it was roughly 3pm. You hadn't eaten today, so you were running low on energy to think. You watched as Toto made his way to the front of the counter and placed the order with the employee. He glanced back at you to ensure what he was ordering was okay with you, but you didn't catch a single thing he said until he finally said your name. "Y/N…… Y/N….. is there something you'd like to drink?" "No, I was going to grab a sparking water from the convenience store on the way back…." "Fine by me!"

From that, he placed the final bits of the order with the employee. I am assuming he also paid since I zoned out after that, just thinking about the contents of the article and reflecting on my day thus far, until I saw Toto walk towards me, pulling me from my trance of thought. He could tell I was off because I proceeded to catch a concerned look on his face. "You okay, Y/N…. you seem a little distracted today?" You can hear his concern in his voice as he speaks gently. Being tired was an understatement, and you wouldn't say that Toto was mostly to blame because he was all you were thinking. So you blame school and your work today and have not eaten all day. So it just shows that you forgot to eat, and the lack of food leads you to need more energy to fuel you more. You don't usually forget to eat, but sometimes, when you are focused, your hunger instinct doesn't kick in. For someone who does workout often, you honestly weren't sure how you could forget that food is fuel for the body. Not wanting to concern Toto with the long pause before responding, you tell him the truth, hoping that little chuckle you add makes it seem like a silly mistake."Hahaha… I forgot to eat today, and when I'm too zoned in on doing work, I lose all appetite. So I can't wait to eat since I'm starving!"

You exaggerated that last bit, hoping he understood it was just a slip-up. Judging by the little smile creeping on his face, he bought it, but you can still sense the concern in his eyes. From that point, he kept a careful eye on you, so he was alert and ensured you wouldn't pass out on him because you hadn't eaten yet. Then you see him turn, ready to say, "Why don't you take my card and gtab two sparkling waters from the convenience store, and I'll meet you there? Food will be done in a few minutes, so I can meet you there and head back to the Hotel together. How does that sound?" "Sure, any preference in sparkling water, or do you want the same one I'm, which is a Sanpellegrino?" "That's fine by me, preferably a glass bottle." "Got it, I'll see you soon!"

He handed me his credit card, and I smiled at him and headed out the door. I put the card in my pocket to ensure I wouldn't lose it, But I couldn't believe he had given me his card. I kept rubbing my fingertips along the card; it was heavy, but from metal, I'm assuming it had to be a different card because this man had money. You just smiled. He had this must trust in you to take his card and yourselves water. Never in a million years would I think this happened to me, but you were flipping for joy on the inside. The convenience store was close and in the same direction back to the Hotel. Pulling on the store handle and entering, you greet the employee behind the counter and head to the fridges for sparkling water. You knew exactly where they kept them since you frequent this convenience often to grab sparkling water when craving pops some days. Open the fridge door, grab two bottles and start to make your way to the employee to pay for the two drinks. He scans the drinks, and you tap Toto's card on the machine and ask for the receipt. You were curious to know if Toto needed it after all. This could be a business card, which is business expenses since you are technically his research fellow, so you take hold of the receipt, put both the card and paper in your pocket and see a waiting Toto outside the store. You push the door open. Toto is smiling at you; this man could kill with his smile. "Ready to head back?" He says with the two bags of food in hand. "Yes!" You nodded up at him and turned to walk back to the Hotel.

You kept your eyes on the bags of food. You were petite and knew you were probably not going to eat much, but still, it was a lot of food, and who knows what he got, but you were looking forward to digging in. You eventually entered the lobby of the Hotel and made your way back to his room. He shifted the bag to carry all in one hand and opened the door. Once doing so, you allowed him to enter first, and he followed behind you. You returned to the couch, where your bag was, and it had a little table in front of it. You placed the two water bottles on the table, and Toto brought the desk chair over so he could be his seat facing you, making a little dinner table. He started to unpack the food, and you looked up at him, "Do you mind if I use the washroom before we eat?" "Of course, it's the door on the left close to the door exiting the room." "Thank you." He glanced up at you with a slight smile as you moved past him to make your way to the washroom. Turning on the lights and entering the bathroom, you close the door behind you for some privacy to relieve yourself.

Doing so, you take the chance to glance around; it was clean, and you tell housekeeping did come to make it look presentable. Still, you get to smell Toto's cologne, and the thought of his signature scent just had a smile creeping up on your face. You flushed the toilet and washed your hands. You head back into the main space to see all the food set up, and Toto smiles as he sees you walk in. He had his jacket off and his sleeves rolled up, not wanting to make a mess. His veiny forearms are on full display, and he gets up from his chair to all of you to sit first in your seat. Before you sit, you realize that your sweater might also get dirty. Having to reach across the table for food, you slip it off, leaving you in the tank top. Toto smiles up at you, and you sit across from him. Feeling self-conscious, you keep the sweater on your lap, covering your stomach.

Sure, you worked out, but you weren't lean and always felt self-conscious, especially when food was around. Toto sits back in the chair and starts explaining what he got; everything is by appearance since he opened all the containers. "In this container, closest to you and per your request, is sashimi. I got you an assortment of Tuna, Salmon, Eel and Butterfish. In the container between us, I got a roll platter, which was a dynamite roll, spicy salmon and tuna, some tempura, some veggies, and a California roll. I also got some edamame if you want to snack on it, and there are also salads if you would like them. I hope this is okay; you said you haven't eaten, so please eat and don't hesitate. I can get you something more afterwards." "No, this is more than enough. This is a great selection, and honestly, this could feed double the amount of just us two!" "Well, there are containers; you decide to eat later, you can have some later, but now take some sashimi, and please eat."

You blushed a little from his forcefulness in getting you to eat. With that, you took hold of your chopsticks and started placing some of the sashimi into your plate to eat. You put a total of 6 pieces and want to pace yourself, not wanting to feel like you haven't eaten in days. Once you started to eat, you could see Toto relax a little and start putting some rolls and sashimi onto his plate. The food before you was finished, and you were deciding what to put next. Still, you took a moment to think, so in your ideal mind, you took some edamame to eat and, deciding to initiate conversation, asked Toto, "Which of the rolls do you recommend I try?" You allow him to swallow the contents in his mouth, and he wipes his lips with a napkin before responding to you. "I would go with one of the tempura. I like different textures as I'm eating, and so far, you have just had sashimi, and after that, maybe some of the rolls; I think you will like the dynamite one the most!" "Great then, the tempura is next!"

He smiled at you as you took hold of your chopsticks and placed a few pieces of shrimp and yam tempura onto your place. You were pleased with his recommendation; the texture difference helped to down a pit more food. You now decide you need a bit of acidity to cleanse your palette, so you take ahold of the salad and put a bit on your plate. Downing that as well, you felt it was time for the rolls. Taking Toto's recommendation, you put some dynamite rolls in your place, a few veggie pieces, spicy salmon, and tuna. Finally finishing your plate, you felt you couldn't possibly down more food. Surprisingly, that was enough food for the both of you. You neglected the idea that Toto is much taller than you and can eat twice to possibly three times the amount you can. You tell him you finished eating and couldn't take more food and thank him.

"Okay, I can't eat anymore; the selection was amazing. Thank you again, Toto, for lunch. It was perfect." You had the biggest smile on your face, and Toto was reciprocating the same as well. You were satisfied and leisurely picked at the edamame, not wanting to make it awkward while Toto continued to eat. Though he did take a chance to respond to your comment, thank him."I'm glad you enjoyed lunch. I appreciate you taking the time to eat with me; you were great company instead of eating alone!" You still kept smiling; you could relate to his comment because you would have done the same if he hadn't sent you that message. Before you could respond to his comment, "If you still have work that needs to get done, you can work here if you want; you already look comfortable on the couch." You took a second to ponder on his comment. You were sitting on the couch as the two of you ate with your cross legs like a kid would do while sitting on the floor. It was reflexive; you were honestly just making yourself comfortable and didn't even notice that you did that, and the idea of having to go walk back to the library set your things up and make yourself comfortable again. You just didn't feel like doing that again. And it would be nice to have someone who makes me accountable to get more done, so you decide to take Toto up on his offer, but you make sure with him if it's okay.

"Sure!….. But are you sure? I don't want to intrude if you have something else to work on and need privacy to do so?" He huffed a little at your response; he gets a sense that I always like to double-check on offers I get."Why would I offer if I wasn't sure you couldn't work in this space with me… You know that at some point, we will have to work in the same room if you will be the research fellow." Giggling at this comment, "That is true; fine, I will work here then!" His smile grew wider once he accepted his invitation to work in the same space as him. You were kinda nervous because he was someone that you were absolutely falling head over heels for. Still, now you actually have to concentrate around him. This would be hard, especially if he kept his sleeves rolled up. Deciding on working in here, Toto helps you clean up the table that you two just finished eating at, which would be your makeshift workspace while he was at his desk. Once you finally cleaned the table, you rested on the couch. It was now 3:30pm, and you wanted to pick up studying at 4. You just wanted to ease into it. You slip off your boots to make yourself more comfortable, put your feet up, and just lean on the back of the couch while scrolling your phone with your sweater on your lap. Toto returns and decides to lift your feet up and take a seat, now placing your feet on his lap.

"Did you want me to move so you can sit comfortably?" "No, I'm wonderful, but I love to see you making yourself comfortable." He smiled at me, and now I started to feel bad, so I shifted up a bit more, and he mentioned again. "You don't have to move; stay like this. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable; I just see that you always have something on your mind, and to see you do nothing and relax is a nice change." He says this, looking up at me; I can tell he is sincere when he tells me this. It was true, but he is also catching me at a time in my life when I am at peak stress, so I'm not in the right mentality either. "Ya, I know, just a transition I am getting used to, but it will pass, you know…" "Ya, I understand… but you will get through it; I know you can."

He looks me in the eyes as he tells me this. It's a relief that someone believes in me. I wish I could say to him, but I don't want to make it seem like I am messed up. Having someone other than friends or family to encourage you was lovely, and Toto looks genuine. Feeling too comfortable and bold, I decided to see how Toto would react by sitting next to him and having his arm around me. I was never needy or affectionate, but he is hands-on, and I just wanted to be close again. Toto was about to protest when he saw you get up from your place on the couch and walk toward where he was sitting. He has his right arm on the sofa's armrest, and his left is on the back of the couch. You sit where the left is resting on the back of the sofa. He just has a look of astonishment as you sit, tucking yourself to the left. And you place your hands in your lap and just rest your hand slightly on his side. Toto looks down at you, and his look of astonishing fades into a warm smile, and he proceeds to ask, "Are you comfortable yet?" Responding a little too cocky, "Would you be comfortable if your arm was around me?" You don't know what was washing over you, but you looked up at him as you asked him that. He looks down and responds softly, "Your wish is my command."

He wraps his left arm around you, and he pulls you in closer to him. Your head rests on his chest, and you can hear his heart racing, but his breath is steady. You smile into his chest that he must be nervous, and honestly, you were too, but this felt right; he makes everything feel right. You managed to focus a little too much on his breathing, and just having his scent engulf you made you start to get a little sleepy, and your eyes fluttered shut. You hear Toto speak to you, not wanting to disturb the peace washing over you, "Schatzi, are you tired? Did you want to take a little nap on the bed?" You respond a little too quickly in your tired mind, "No… I'm very comfortable like this, just don't let me sleep, or I won't sleep at night." "Okay, I won't let you sleep." He spoke softly and placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

I hadn't even noticed that I let out a hum of approval, to which Toto just pulled me in a little closer. We stayed like this for a bit longer; he was so warm that I didn't have to wear my sweater, and I'm not going to lie. He is a walking radiator for someone relatively smaller than him. Knowing I had to get up to start working, I did it gradually. "Toto, what time is it?" He lifts his left hand to check the time and places it back down. "It's 3:56, why?" "I have 4 more minutes like this; okay, then I start doing work." "Okay, schatzi, 4 more minutes," He says softly, allowing me to be this peaceful for the rest of the time. You weren't tired anymore, but now you were mentally preparing yourself to start doing work. You decided to break the silence this time again."Thank you for this." "For what?" You can tell he is confused, so you clarify for him. "The embrace or whatever this is cozying up to you if you call this." Attempting to gesture in the sitting situation without moving because you are comfortable. You hear him reply. "You're welcome. I am always happy to see you comfortable." You smiled that he knew how happy you were and attempted to see how far you could push this again. "Toto, can you drive me home once I'm done studying? I still want to spend time with you." He almost didn't finish your thought before he could reply. "Of course, anything to spend more time with you." He was excited, and you could tell.

You took this as an opportunity to lift your head from his chest and look up at him. He had the goofiest of smiles, and you couldn't help but smile. You couldn't help but shift your gaze from his eyes to his lips. I am guessing Toto took this as a queue in which he took his right hand to cup your cheek, and you leaned slightly into his touch, your eyes fluttering close because of his gentleness. With that, he pulled your face up to meet his lips for a gentle kiss. It was soft and slow, and you could forget time. He pulled away, and you returned to rest your head against his chest with this chin on the top of your head. You could feel his arm shift to look at this watch, and he sighed a little to get your attention. "Y/N" "Yes…" your response just barely above a whisper. "It's 4pm." "Ooookaaay." You whined softly in his embrace. Toto let out a huff. He sensed you were comfortable and enjoyed you in his arms, so to help prepare you to let go, he rubbed your back a bit before you peeled yourself off him to sit in front of your laptop.

You take this chance to slip your sweater back on because you shivered at the heat loss. You hear Toto softly chuckle from your loss of contact. Still, it makes you smile, knowing he finds your reaction to him humorous. Toto gets up from the couch and walks towards his desk to continue work. He turns to you one final time. "Let me know what time you were thinking of leaving or when you think you will be done, and I'll pack up as well." "Is like 8:30 okay?"" More than perfect; since that is quite a bit of time, I will head out to get some snacks. Is there anything in particular you want?" He startled you with this comment, but it made you blush. You took a second to think and finally came up with a cheeky answer. "Ummmm… Strawberry Twizzlers, if not those, then cherry is fine; a bag of chips, you can pick… Oh…. and a Redbull if they have any." You know the Redbull comment would make him smirk, and right on queue, he did. "I will get you everything else but the Red Bull. Is a monster okay then?" He could tell you were joking, but he still wanted to ensure. "Yes, that's fine, or any energy drink. I was only teasing, you know." You couldn't help but giggle, making Toto shake his head disapprovingly. He grabs this coat and wallet. "I will be back soon, okay?" "Okay!" Just like that, he turned to you, smiled, and went to get snacks for your extended work time, to which you opened your laptop to start working on your assignment.

You put your noise-cancelling headphones on and proceed to open up the Onenote. Had all the notes for the assignment you wanted to start. In the section, it was the assignment instructions. You took a chance to review the parameters and the requirements needed to complete the assignment and figure out how to approach it. It was just another essay, so you looked back at the syllabus. You saw which weeks interest you and topics you could consider writing roughly 15-20 pages about. With a brief skim of the syllabus, readings and notes, you figured out a week and topic on which you could write. With that, you gathered the necessary articles and lecture notes. You opened a new page on OneNote in which you could dump information and thoughts that came to mind on how to focus the subject matter. At this point, you look like a madman, switching from different types, and your eyes darting really fast, attempting to absorb so much of the content and sort out the coming thoughts. You hadn't realized how much time had passed, nor did you notice that Toto returned because of the noise-cancelling headphones; he was at the desk with his back towards you, working on his laptop.

Deciding this was an excellent time to take a snack break, you take off your headphones and silently approach Toto, hoping you can sneak up on him. Biting your bottom lip, attempting to contain your giggles, you came close to his ear and whispered, "What you working on?" Toto jumps a little in his seat and then turns his chair towards you with a smile, reciprocating the one on your face, "Someone is a little minx?" "Well, it seemed like a funny thought to scare you a little." You couldn't help but giggle even more, and with that, you asked him, "Wanna take a snack break with me? I'm a little peckish." "Ahh, peckish… needing some sugary brain food to focus?" He inquired sarcastically because of your selection. "Yes, using the sugar high to elaborate on an outline I'm drafting before I type the essay out." "Well, in that case, we take a screen break too and rest your eyes; we don't want to strain them if you have a few more hours of staring closely at the screen." "Sure, why not? We can chat then!" You said that with too much excitement, in which you heard Toto chuckle deeply; you couldn't help that you made this man react this way.

He turns towards the snack and pulls them closer to the both of you on his desk. You take the chance to look and find somewhere to sit, feeling awkward to still stand beside him while he sits. Toto notices your little search, in which he chimes up, almost reading your mind, "You can sit on my thigh while we take our snack break; I don't mind." You blush deeply at this suggestion, and a little lost for words, he just turns to you with a little smirk. Inhaling a little, attempting to take a second to breathe and think about what you want to do next, you finally ask him, "Are you sure? Aren't I too heavy for you? Like, are you really sure?" You had a bad habit of doubling-checking, especially when it was an offer like this, but you wanted to ensure Toto was okay with it. "Of course, you aren't heavy; I got you." He tries reassuring you, and you reluctantly take up his offer. Nodding at him to show that you are okay with it, Toto opens up his legs more so you can sit on his thigh, facing him as well. You sit gently, not making sure he is comfortable or in pain, and he just looks up and smiles warmly at you. You are at eye level with him, and he says, "Can I put my arm around your waist to keep you steady? I just want to ensure you don't fall backwards or anything?" It was thoughtful that he cared for your safety, so you nodded, agreeing to his suggestion.

At this point, you somehow became mute, too, and he nudged the bag of snacks toward you. Peering into the bag, you take ahold of the Twizzlers and open up the package. Taking a few of the cherry licorice pieces and biting into them, Toto opened his snack and did the same before placing his arm back around your waist to steady you. Deciding to break the silence, "Thank you for the snacks. I know you didn't have to, but thank you again." "No need to thank me, schatzi. Your presence has been more than enough, and I just want to make sure you're enjoying yourself while with me." You couldn't help but offer a warm smile; he says the damnedest things that make you melt. He asks you a question to change the subject and understand what you were so concentrated on that you don't notice him entering the room again, "How is your work coming along? What is that you are exactly working on again?"

Happy at the subject change; you delve into the details of your paper. You felt that it was okay to ramble on a little bit just by the intent look Toto was giving you as you were trying to explain the topic you intended to research and how to possibly connect it with the discussions in the course and things you were dealing with on the subject matter. You also became over-invested in any research project, but that was the point, right? The end objective of any course is walking away and learning something new, which I always did. In this case, you were rambling on the subject you researched, so new ideas came to mind, even as you explained to Toto. Attempting to not make your mind go a million miles a minute on your research, you wrap up the topic. You take this chance to make eye contact with Toto since you hadn't done that for a bit, attempting to explain the jist of your subject; you take in that he has his head slightly tilted, quizzically trying to absorb your every work, nodding several times like he understands the topic. Feeling like you have finally spoken enough and wrapped up your thought on the last point, you take the chance to bite into some more licorice, silently giving Toto a chance to interject or say something as you fish into the bag for those energy drinks because you felt a little thirst from talking too much. You took them out of the bag and placed them on the table. You wanted to open one of them to drink, but before you could do so, you wanted to double-check the time; you were a caffeine addict, sure, but you value sleep, so you didn't want to consume the drink at the expense of being wired the entire night.

"Toto, do you have the time?" He gave you another puzzled look but looked down at his watch, "It's 6:30. Is everything okay?" Still had concern laced on his face as you went silent. You took a minute to ponder if it was too late to consume the drink. At 6pm would have been fine, but it's closer to 7pm, and you were already eating sugar, so the crash could be harmful. Finally deciding to break the silence, you speak up, telling Toto your thought process. "Ya, I was just thinking if it's too late to drink it, I don't want to be wired the entire night, and I am already eating sugary snacks, so I might pass. Can I keep it for tomorrow, if that's okay?" You glanced up at him as you explained whether to consume more caffeine, and his expression softened at your little concern. "Yes, Schatzi, I bought the drinks for you. And I think that is best, too, if sleeping is your concern." He rubbed the small of your back, supporting your decision and easing the tense poster you hadn't realized you were holding.

With that, you kept picking at your snack in silence. I'm not going to lie; I want to talk, especially with him, but I am not used to switching between a student and wanting to know him more than just a crush. It wasn't that you were awkward; it was far from it. It happened to be in the moment; you were in your own head and wanted to complete this task, and it would be a hard day of work. You were looking forward to finishing and just wanting to sit and chat, but you were somehow mute. Pulling yourself from your thoughts to take one last piece of licorice, you glance up, almost having to do a double take because you see Toto studying you, but his expression is soft. Immediately, a blush washes over your face, and Toto smiles back at you. "You must have a million thoughts since you zone out for so long." He wasn't wrong; this comment only made you turn a deeper shade of red. Smiling through the embarrassment and wanting to hide more of your facial expressions from him, you just shove your face into his shoulder. At this point, Toto could genuinely tell you were embarrassed and wrapped his other arm around you, pulling you closer to comfort you. "ohh, common schatzi cat got your tongue?" He was still teasing you for zoning out, but at this point, you giggled, attempting to make it a little light-hearted. Not wanting to leave his embrace, you shake your head and respond to his comment, not wanting to lift your head so he can hear you clearly, "I can't help it if my mind goes a million miles a minute, it jumps from one thought to the next." Toto just sighs at your response as if understanding the depth of what that meant. To still comfort you, he leans his head into yours and whispers, "Just making sure you are alright; I know you don't do it on purpose. Don't worry, Y/N, I'm just teasing." "I know, Toto, don't worry, I'm good, I just needed a new hiding place." You heard that deep chuckle again coming out of him, and he just pulled his embrace tight, wanting to tease him back, "Ouch Toto, you're hurting me," he instantly pulled you off of him and started to franticly glance up and down to see if you were okay. You couldn't help but burst into laughter and choose to use his exact words, "Ohh, Toto cat got your tongue!" And the both of you were just laughing like idiots.

Calming down from your laughing fit, you stretch your back a little and get up from Toto's lap, "Alright, time to get the last bit of work done…. with a few more pieces of licorice in hand!" You say that with too much enthusiasm, and Toto just smiles at you; he must like seeing you more cheery than stressed. Taking a few pieces in hand, still facing him, you hear him comment sarcastically, "Yes, because sugar fuels the will to work." "hhhmmm…..Indeed it does; you should see me on candy, coffee and energy drinks when I'm writing or studying; I'm truly magnificent to watch." The response was a little too nonchalant for my liking, but I quickly glanced at Toto, and his expression was a mix of concern and shock. The combination of food groups, mostly candy, caffeine, and the liquid version of the two combined, helps me focus. Still, I tend to look like a madman who furiously types at a computer screen. I go back to the couch, where my laptop is and give a once over at the work I was doing before taking a break. Letting my thoughts return to me on how I was linking things together, I continued my work.

At this point, understanding the direction in which this paper is heading, you start finding the appropriate sources to write. This was usually the hard part of writing a research paper and was tedious. You take to the internet and open up Google Scholar and your university library website. You start using the library website and type in key terms related to the topic. You filter out by the year since you want to use the most relevant sources, ensuring the source is an article or book, and you sort out if the articles are peer-reviewed. You do this process several times with different terms until you have a solid folder of sources on your computer to look through another day. You repeat this process, but using Google Scholar this time helps to get different search engines involved. It allows you to cover your bases before you start creating your outline. As you do so, some promising articles need access. You turn to your library website and enter the article name, allowing access through your university sign-in. Completing this process now a few more times and sifting through the folder of downloaded PDFs of articles and books, you make a preliminary list of how the source could be used, along with some of the course material and lecture notes. You click back onto Onenote and start putting messages on our outline page on how the paper could come together. Group the ideas in case you need to make headings in the essay and their correlation to the topic. Completing this sift through roughly 20 documents and feeling that your eyes can no longer look at a computer screen, you saved everything you were working on before completely shutting down your laptop for the day. You packed it into your bag with your headphones and took your phone to look at the time; it was a little past 8pm. Glad you finished a lot of work in one sitting; you get up and go over to Toto to bug him until he finishes his work.

"Toto…." "Yes, Y/N." "Are you done yet? I'm bored." With that comment, all you see is Toto turning to you, and he sees the stupid smile plastered all over your face and gives you a similar one back. "Okay, give me a second to save the items I'm working on." "Okay." Allowing him to do so, you walked until you stood next to him, in which you just turned to face him, leaning against the desk he was working on. Once he had finished saving all his documents and shut off his laptop, he turned to you, "Did you want me to take you home now, and I grab my things and be ready to go?" "Actually was wondering if you want to sit for a bit, before we go? You have my complete and undivided attention to actually talk this time." You looked him in the eyes, wondering if we would accept the offer; I mean, regardless, he would still have to drive me home, but not sure if he still wanted to sit and actually talk because the snack break was a clear indication that I can't hold an honest conversation with my mind elsewhere.

In my lifetime, I've been on a decent number of insulin pumps, starting with Animas, the Medtronic, then Tandem before switching to a new insurance company that didn't cover Tandem supplies. I saw the Omnipod offered a 30 day trial and figured, what the heck, and having lived with multiple systems with a lot of unique quirks, I thought I'd share the quirks of this system too.

Having been a tubed pump only person for the first 14 years of my diabetic life, I was a little hesitant with the Ombipod, and initially, I was blown away. The cannula insertion was easy, the cannula was about as comfortable as you'd expect any cannula to be, and despite being a fairly large piece of tech taped directly to your skin, I didn't feel like it got in the way. I did enjoy not having to worry about tubing getting stuck in things, or finding a pocket to shove the pump into or a waistband to clip it to. For anyone who struggles with these aspects of the pump life, this pump may do pretty awesome things for you.

However, these were really the only positive sentiments i had towards the system, probably because I'd lived so long with tubed systems, they never bothered me like they do some people. Those annoying little quirks though really turned me off to it.

For starters, you cannot control the pod without a phone or the Personal Diabetes Manager (PDM) they send you. If you forget the pdm, or if you wish to escape from your phone for a bit, you will have no control over your blood sugar. I realized this once after going to work and realizing I'd left the pdm at home. I had my phone though, and hoped I could switch control from the pdm to my phone, in the same way that with the dexcom you can get readings and manage the system, but no such luck. Once you start the pod on one device, you are stuck with that one device for the 2 to 3 days you have the pod inserted.

The pods themselves cause a number of problems as well. There is no way to recycle them, as they are medical waste, meaning every 2 to 3 days, you have to trash a small computer. That might not be a big deal to you, and absolutely no shame if it isn't, but for me it felt incredibly wasteful. The comfort I'd experience in my first days didn't let long either. If you've ever dropped a tubed insulin pump and had your infusion site catch it, you'll know these jarring movements can be pretty painful. The pod isn't quite that bad at first, but after a few days with a wrench directly attached to your site, I did find myself hurting pretty badly. Also, if your pod fails for any reason, it will s c r e a m. It'll produce an extremely loud, high pitched, and continuous beep until you can get onto your phone or pdm and deactivate it, and for the life of me, no matter how quickly you can get that to turn off, it still takes too long. Your results will also vary, particularly if you feel less strongly about the cleanliness of your insulin, but once the pod expires, which is a maximum of 3 days plus 8 hours where it beeps hourly, there is no good way to salvage that insulin. Yes, you can draw the insulin back up from the port you put it in, but once that's in your new pod, if it starts to seem infected, you'll lose that insulin and the pod when you remove it.

Compared to the tandem, I did actually really enjoy the site tracking feature. When you insert a new pod, it gives you the option to track where you've placed it in a limited number of spaces, including the back abdomen (typically known as your back, but ok), and directly on your ass cheek. If you can handle the omnipod, or really any infusion site in your ass cheek, you are far, far braver than me. On the other hand, I desperately missed the calculator feature on the tandem that allowed you to add up the cards you were eating.

As for the app, it does its job, but still has these quirks that drove me a bit nuts. You can't turn off the security feature. Whether you use your phone or the pdm, you'll always have to enter a pin to be able to do anything. This could definitely be a problem if you have neuropathy or other dexterity issues, and even as someone without these issues, I still got pretty annoyed with it. This also presents a problem when you're trying to get the screaming to stop. I didn't love that in my furious effort to get this overwhelming noise to stop, I was impeded by a fucking pin. It also made the lack of calculator kind of annoying, because if you needed to use your calculator to total your carb count, you had to exit out of the app, do your calculations, and then throw in your pin all while not forgetting the number you just came up with.

I also struggled a bit with picking sites with this pump. My abdomen is relatively unusable as a pump site after nearly 2 decades of pump therapy, so I usually use it for a cgm site and then will place my infusion site elsewhere. However, because the omnipod doesn't have an intermediary between it and the cgm, it has to stay "within line of site" of the cgm. So, if the pod is on the back of your arm, your cgm can be on your flank, or on your leg, but not on your abdomen because they're on opposite sides of your body, and even though I got it to work on the opposite arm, even that isn't recommended. So, wherever your cgm is for 10 days, all your sites have to revolve around that one spot through multiple changes. The small upside though is that, even though you can't bolus without a pdm or phone, the pod can still read your cgm and increase or decrease your basal rate based on your blood sugar. However, these treatments for high blood sugar in particular are painfully slow because as compared to other systems, the omnipod can change your basal rates but it can't offer you even small boluses, unlike tandem or medtronic.

That said, everyone with diabetes is different, and I know this system has been a godsend for a lot of people, just not me. While I can't say I'd recommend it broadly, I've definitely met some people who I think would have loved this system. Regardless, I hope this helps, and may the A1C or Time in Range, depending on which one your doctor still uses, smile upon you.

Hi, I have hard executive dysfunctions but had some (temporary) results using to-do apps and stuff. For everything, brushing teeth, eating, etc. But it always end (very quickly) by me adding 30+ to dos for a day and working 10 hours to get them done until I break down. I can't not do it. Once I think about it, there is sooo much to do, so much I neglected.

So I saw this nice bullet journal in a shop today and took it with me and need some ideas how to make it, to not end like the others:

I thought about a symptom part, how good did I sleep, what mental health issues do I have, etc pp.

I am completely unsure if I should ad any "chore to-dos" or only self care/mental health ones. But even those feel like chores so...

And my energy level varies strongly so I thought about keeping it vague like idk "do one relaxing thing"-like maybe. So I could decide on that day, what I think I will get done. But that's pretty unsatifying.

Ah and, as much as I love such book and diaries etc, writing it down feels like a chore too so... It sounds worse than it is, I had some results but everything in this world sounds like a chore so I am unsure how to make this fun and manageable and neither go to the extreme nor give up.

Give me all your ideas and examples and plans.

Hi anon,

As soon as I saw your ask I just knew I wanted to answer it ~ I have ADHD, but because of other chronic health issues - I cannot take stimulant medications for it and rely on my adaptations to manage symptoms (and yup, some of my mental energy does get used up doing it this way - but it is possible for some of us!). I wanted to start by sharing some resource links and articles first:

The Best Work Schedule for ADHD Brains: Flexible or Rigid? (with resources at the end, and lots of reflections from a variety of folks who benefit from both - great starting point to see which style resonates with you)

Adults With Executive Function Disorder (scroll about halfway down for tips and resources)

Tips and Tricks for Executive Function Disorder (geared towards the caretaker of a child with it, but still impactful suggestions, including movement breaks and reward systems)

Executive Function Disorder: Bullet Journal (one person’s personal bullet journal and how an adaptable reward system - shaped like a bingo card - really helped them) 

But also wanted to share what I use/tell myself throughout the day/week to help: (under the cut to help avoid the post getting super long)

I personally use an adapted planner for the overall schedule, it’s got enough blank spaces where if I want to “change it up” I can do that week to week, but in general this is the place where I store my overall monthly calendar and every Sunday night write out my week ahead of “big things” (apps, time sensitive errands, etc).  

I take a picture of my monthly calendar, as well as my weekly so even if I’m out and about I can quickly refer to it if someone asks about a date - versus saying “I’ll check my calendar later and get back to you” . . . and then - never doing it, whoops!

People in my life are used to it by now, but essentially if someone tells me something like “next weekend is so and so’s birthday” - I’ll take a moment to set an alarm reminder to add it to my calendar when I’m home, and or make a text message note on my phone, and set an alarm that essentially reads “don’t forget to add your text notes to the calendar” (some days I can have like fifteen alarms going off throughout the day, but this way I also manage to add the information I need to, versus feeling like I’m constantly forgetting something, or worse, expending limited mental energy constantly cycling through a “don’t forget don’t forget don’t forget” concentration).

I timeblock my day every morning before everyone else is awake, for example: 7 to 8 - studies, 9 to 10 - social, and so on.  By doing it every day, I can refer back to it throughout the day and adjust as needed but also not plan too far ahead with no adaptability to changing circumstances.  I also ensure that for a chunk of “serious chores” I also schedule in what I like to call “serotonin boosts” - whether that’s some friends time, or creative time, whatever sparks joy for you.  There have definitely been days where I felt like I could not do one more email - and then reminded myself that as soon as I got through the five I scheduled myself for, then I could draw for an hour (a basic ‘this, then that’ reward system).  Suddenly, I manage to push through it, and often quicker than I had originally thought it would take - allowing me to have even more time with something that brings joy.

If I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I set several alarms, almost like a countdown 

I like to use fun color pens, or even pens with like fuzzy balls, or some other sort of stimming part to it as I work - it allows me a moment to stim if I need it, even when I’m tackling the “boring brain dump” stuff.

No amount of telling my brain “just do it” for twenty minutes is going to magically create the dopamine/serotonin it needs to do the thing.  So if a reward isn’t working, I get up and move with a timer to get it going that way, and then try again.

I’m sure there’s plenty more ideas/tips/tricks - anyone stumbling on this, please feel free to comment, reblog, and add to it, but I hope it’s a helpful start for you and anyone else out there looking for adaptions. - Mod Kat

Scooter Cannonball

Most of you reading along most likely know about this upcoming event, but I have an “urge” to write a bit about it.

A week from tomorrow (june 15, 2023), I leave for a once in a lifetime adventure, that this old blue hair is going to totally enjoy.

The Scooter Cannonball.  Here’s their website scootercannonball.com  .. 

Its a coast to coast event, starting in San Clemente California, and ends at Hilton Head North Carolina.... 7 days later. I know I’ve probably told some of you the wrong dates, but thats just me... I can’t remember dates/numbers for the life of me. My personal hell. 

This event is a race against the clock. With several classes of “scooters” competing. 

The classes are broke down to engine size, vingtage, etc. Some scooter are known historically to well in this event, while others not so good. 

I got asked into this hilarious idea by good friend Dennis Bennett in Huron South Dakota (a Excelsior Henderson Pal).

He witness last year the scooter cannonball up close, as the event went thru and stopped for the night in Huron. 

Dennis, Ken Bretz (the 3rd member of our team), and myself are all Excelsior Henderson buddies that make big efforts to attend the “ANTIQUE MOTORCYCLE CANNONBALL” when its within reasonable distance every 2 years that it runs.   motorcyclecannonball.com

Our last one we attended was September of 2020 in Sturgis.  Being we live in mostly the midwest, when the antique cannonball runs east to west, they have a “day of rest”, where they stop for 36 hours to work on their motorcycles, and take a break. This “day of rest” is always the midway point (midwest). This creates the most opportune time for us to show up and get to see all of the “action”.   The teams are generally very friendly and don’t mind answering questions, etc. 

With us attending the antique cannonball, we all 3 had envisioned “someday” we’d be able to be part of this event. Each time we attended, it was becoming more and more clear,.... “someday” wasn’t going to happen. These folks have really deep pockets. Have huge backgrounds in restoration of these bikes, and although very friendly, don’t really care about folks like us. Other than we have the Excelsior Henderson sickness, we have no notoriety to antique motorcyles. No matter how much we love them.

Once the scooter cannonball came into town of Huron.... Dennis  noticed immediately the family feel of the competitors. Much like the antique cannonball, AND us Excelsior Henderson owners.   Needless to say..... Dennis was hooked.

He emailed me how much fun he had that short night, and meeting everyone. I stated that if he were to create a team, I’d be part of it. Within a day or 2, ... “you are now on the team”...    Then Ken also got on board.     All of this to me was tongue in cheek, but I was truly interested, and Dennis was serious. 

Dennis presented to me, that he did not need a pit crew/team/help. As a large portion of the competitors do not have any back up other than the event chase vehicle.  There are teams with chase vehicles, but most do not. His point was, I’m going whether anyone else comes along or not.

He also stated that he was going to put the whole trip on a credit card (well it is once in a life time). With Dennis having the rooms already paid for, all we had to do was pay for our food. 

This was wonderful, but I got to thinking that He didn’t need a huge credit card bill. We figured it was going to cost between $6500-$9000, no including scooter purchase. This bothered me....

Thus the gofundme page. Gofundme.com   search Bruce Whitefoot or Dennis Bennett, or “low buck scooter cannonball team” or team fat Jesus. If you want to help with the money. Sales pitch: $15 free sticker. $30 free tshirt and sticker. Be sure to leave your information (address and size) in the “notes”. 

I started that, without Dennis knowledge initially. And its been a blessing. We haven’t hit our lofty goal, but wow the response has been very humbling. 

Dennis got a hold of his local promotional shop, and has created our Tshirts and Stickers.  If you haven’t seen them.... they are pretty cool.

As grumpy and disappointed as I get with us humans....   this has been a crazy ride. I’ll be honest, I have asked friends for donations, which can be very awkward. I try hard with no pressure. But folks that I have not made the “sell” with... are tossing some very generous amounts our way. 

SO HUMBLING..... WOW. Reminds me of when our house burned. 

Yup.. I’m excited. We will be seeing large portions of the country I’ve never seen. 

Rules state that we can follow along right behind Dennis with the chase vehicle. But we don’t feel that it would be practical. The route (mostly a secret daily) will be out of the way. Dennis will be wearing a transponder, so we’ll know exactly where he is. Plus this years entrances has been the highest number yet. Over 300. And I’ve heard rumor that the entire trip there will be roughly 150 miles of dirt roads. 

We will most likely follow AFTER the last scooter leaves the daily starting point. And then mosey along to the next hotel, roughly 250-370 mile daily. 

We’ve had a ton of requests for daily reports. Dennis and I think his facebook page maybe the answer. But a lot of folks don’t know Dennis but know me or Ken. I’m thinking I may do a daily report here on tumblr. They will be simple with maybe something noted that was exciting that day. Been also contemplating maybe using my youtube channel for dailys instead. Youtube though isn’t exactly convenient to use... really time consuming. Maybe do a live launch on yourtube?? just thought of that idea. 

I’ll be honest, this will be a huge learning curve. We don’t know if we will be extremely busy late into the night, or taking long afternoon naps. We just don’t know. Will our scoot break blow up 5 miles out on the very first day.... or blow up 5 miles from the finish line. 

I think I’m a pretty good wrench with no training, but working on scooters is a brand new world for me. Dennis did give me a good look when it was here. Looks very simple. Will be some getting used to metric wrenches again.

Dennis made a maiden voyage to my house a few weeks ago (344 miles one way) with no real issues, and back home the next day. That crazy machine will do 79/mph, but feels really good at 60. At the whopping HP of 19. Its a single with DOHC, carbureted, and snow mobile drive (vary ratio pulley). 

Our scoot if you want to google it....   its a 1984 Honda Helix with 20000 miles on it. Not real pretty, but has some great bones. Runs like a top. When Dennis pulled in at my place, I thought he was coasting in.... but it was running, so quiet.  For those questioning Dennis purchase.... historically with the cannonball, Helix’s have done very well.

Just in simple conversation, EVERY SINGLE TIME, laughter and smiles break out. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??

I keep laughing to myself, wondering what I got myself into. Gonna be a cool notch in my life experiences. 

Wish us luck!! Don’t worry about the fun, that’s a promise to happen. 

Happy STS! What is the best novel you've ever read? What did you like about it, from a storytelling perspective? Has it influenced or informed your own approach?

Happy STS! (Or whatever day it is when I manage to answer that.)

I actually don't know. I am one of those people who dare to read for a bit of escapism only, and the books I like most are probably not literary masterpieces.

Märchenmond by Wolfgang und Heike Hohlbein was the best book, because it was the first "real" fantasy book I read. I guess it would be middle grade? Just like the protagonist, I forgot Twix was a chocolate bar, not just a fairy, and afterwards I made my way through all other books by those authors my mom had, and when I was done, I got a library card.

Once Stolen by D. N. Bryn was the best book, because I was crying in bed for an hour, and then I wanted to write again, because I found little pieces of myself there, and I wanted to put them somewhere.

Wolfsaga by Käthe Recheis was the best book, because it was beautiful and heartbreaking and hopeful and everything.

Tor der Verwandlung (Transformation) by Carol Berg was the best one, because barely managed to force myself to stop reading at 4am (with work in the morning.)

The Wind Witch by Susan Dexter was the best book, because the protagonist is a woman who has always lived in the shadow of her (male) relatives and wants to take control back over her life after her husband dies. Yes yes, she has to save the world, but most of all, she'll make sure she keeps the farm for a year and a day so it becomes hers.

But analyzing things on a deeper level? Really paying attention to the details? School ruined that for me. I love language. I love reading. I love writing. When our 6th grade teacher suggested making a notebook with our favorite poems, I did (still have it.) I figured out how to trick the library self checkout into letting me borrow more than 30 books.

And yet in my German finals I had a barely passing grade, and why? Because nothing matters, other than that you interpret the shit in front of you in exactly the same as everyone else. And in English? Not a chance.

Sometimes, I see commentary here praising the prose of some books or snippets, and I would never have seen that ever, and my "I liked this :)" feels very inadequate.

So the best books to me live rent free in my head for years, I name pets and characters after them when I try out a game, I take little bits and pieces into what I hope to create, ... but I couldn't you tell a single thing that objectively or on a technical level makes them special.

2022年12月31日

It's the end of the year! And to summarize my progress in 2022, I am going to look back at the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year, how they changed, and what kind of goals I would like to set in 2023. (I know this is long, but you can skip around to the different headers if you would like!)

年末ですね。そして今年の進歩をまとめて、2022年の年始目的や目的がどう変わったや来年の目的について書こうと思っています。(めちゃくちゃ長くてすみませんが、もし良ければ、見出しがあるので興味があるところだけ見ても構わないです！)

My Japanese Goals in the Beginning of 2022

These are the goals I posted on tumblr at the beginning of 2022 for myself. I wanted to keep the goals simple, easy to fit into my busy life, and to make them tasks that I could stick with.

Spend 10 minutes per day studying Japanese

Learn one new vocabulary word a day

Review 5 kanji a day

Learn one new kanji a day

Spend 30 minutes per week studying grammar

Have someone correct my written Japanese when possible

How I Tracked My Goals in 2022

I tracked my goals in 2022 using a spreadsheet I set up on Notion. I started with the major areas like Kanji, Grammar, Vocabulary, Listening, & Speaking, and then I added the more particular ways I studied, like Kanji Flashcards, Articles, and Podcasts. For each day I studied (and remembered to record it), I recorded the category I studied and the method I used to study. Being a busy working mom, I didn't always keep up, so some of the results might be a little skewed. But I think that my final tally in general accurately affects how I studied.

My Goal Progress in 2022

So my goals at the beginning of 2022 were fairly simple, but goals that I wanted to make into daily or weekly habits for studying Japanese. So how did I do?

First, let's take a look at my 2022 Japanese study breakdown (in graph form!):

What areas of study did I spend the most time on? Vocabulary (22%) was my top area of focus, especially after I started using renshuu to practice with flash cards in the later half of the year. I also did a lot of vocabulary lookup whilst reading Japanese language materials. Listening (20%) & Kanji (20%) were tied for second place since I spent a lot of time listening to TV, movies, and podcasts, and reviewed kanji almost every day. Reading (18%) came in third thanks to the Japanese book club on Discord that I have been reading with for the better part of the year.

What areas of study did I neglect? By far, Writing (2%) was the most neglected area of focus for me. Aside from occasionally writing updates on tumblr or taking notes from grammar videos, I really didn't spend much time writing. Grammar (7%) was also somewhat neglected, although I did watch 日本語の森 videos quite often during the middle of the year. Although I did not intentionally focus on speaking, I do speak Japanese every day, so I am not as worried about my Speaking (11%) being neglected, although I would like to focus on more mindful speaking study in the future.

How My Goals Changed in 2022

Goals in general cannot be stagnant things, because once you have achieved them you must change them to continue your improvement. Rather than giving up on a goal, if you don't achieve it you can change it to better suit what you actually want to accomplish.

My goals when I first started my Japanese studies (over 10 years ago!!) have changed because the person I was when I started studying is very different from who I am now. The goals I had at the beginning of 2022 are different than the goals I have at the end of 2022, and different than the goals I will have in 2023. This is because setting those goals and following through (or not!) has shown me where my strengths and weaknesses lie, where I thought I wanted my focus to be vs. where I actually want my focus to be, and the reasons I study Japanese at this point in my life.

So, how did my goals change?

TL;DR - My goals changed in general from bigger goals that required a significant time commitment, to smaller goals that I could incorporate into my daily life and that eventually became daily habits. I decreased my goals for writing by the end of the year (to basically zero) because I was not meeting them, and added goals for speaking, listening, and reading because I gained opportunities or the desire to improve more in these areas.

Work, taking care of my son, and vacations all played heavily in the type and number of goals I had for each month, and whether or not I met those goals. I've learnt not to be as worried about not meeting a goal and appearing foolish (to myself or to others), and that ditching goals that no longer meet your needs is a great strategy to make your studies more effective and more rewarding.

I'm still not great at making goals that I can stick to long-term without any changes to the goal, but as long as I know I can always change it, I'm not afraid of making goals that will challenge me in my Japanese studies.

Oh, you're still here? Great! Here's where I'll go into (incredibly unnecessary) detail about my goals:

As you can see above, the category focus for my monthly goals shifted from the first half of the year to the second half of the year. Kanji & Writing made up the most part of my goals for the first half of the year, while Reading & Listening were the categories my goals focused on most in the second half of the year.

Writing. The biggest change in goals that I noticed was that at the beginning of the year I really wanted to focus on improving my writing and set goals that ranged from vague ("write more in Japanese") to more specific ("write 2-3 sentences in Japanese per week and get them corrected"). However, I found that month after month I really didn't ever meet these goals. So I stopped including them in my monthly goals by the middle of the year. The failure to meet the goals was my own fault, because I just didn't write even when I did have the time. I never felt motivated to write anything, and I also didn't take the time to ask for any corrections (there's also a fear of judgement in there somewhere, but I digress).

I definitely failed to achieve this goal, but I am not going to be too hard on myself for failing to meet this goal when there is so much else that I have achieved. I think it's important to note how and why I didn't meet these goals, as well as to understand that it's ok not to have met them. If I keep forcing myself to do something I don't want to/am not going to do, I will just become frustrated and unmotivated, rather than actually improving.

Grammar. Not having a lot of time to sit down and just study hampers my ability to learn and practice new grammar. I really need to sit down with the material, and then come back to it later, to absorb it and be able to use it. So although I've been trying to review grammar points, I haven't made much progress with new grammar points.

I keep meaning to go back to the grammar points I don't understand and review them, but not having at least and hour to sit down and study grammar makes me reluctant to do much more than watch grammar videos. So my goals for grammar have mostly gone from learning new grammar to reviewing grammar I know but in which I am not confident.

Speaking. At the beginning of the year I didn't focus much on speaking, and I only started incorporating it into my goals in the middle of the year. I have the opportunity to speak Japanese everyday in the comfort of my own home, so sometimes I become complacent with pronunciation and sentence structure.

However, now that my son can talk (90% in Japanese - he's putting together up to 3 words now!), I am more conscious about what I say and how I say it. I want him to learn proper Japanese, so I pay more attention to my own speaking. This has made speaking-oriented goals a higher priority than even the beginning of this year. The goals are pretty simple and focus on speaking with my son which helps me to accomplish them.

Reading. Reading also popped up as a goal in about the middle of the year, and I have been fairly consistent with achieving this goal. I have joined a Japanese book club on this Discord server and reading with others has kept me motivated to read more frequently. I have also incorporated reading articles with a smaller group, which inspires me to also practice translation.

Kanji. My goals fairly consistently centered around reviewing and learning kanji, and I was pretty consistent with my kanji study and the goals I made for them. I met these goals frequently because they were simple goals (review 5 kanji per day, learn 1 new kanji per week, etc.). Simple goals that I can incorporate into my daily Japanese study have always been the goals with which I have been most consistent. Kanji is the goal area that has changed the least.

Whew!

In Conclusion

So why go into all this detail about goals? Well, I am interested in how I study as well as what I study, and so I tracked and compiled my study data in order to match it up with my goals. I started this studyblr/langblr to keep myself accountable as well as to connect with others who study Japanese (or other languages) and also I am not cool enough for studygram. Creating goals is a great way to personally challenge myself, and posting them here makes me accountable for them to some extent.

So now that you know how I did this year, that begs the question...

What Are My Goals for 2023?

I'm glad you asked!

I bought a book last year called 日本の歴史366 (にほん の れきし 366) that has a page for every day of the year (including February 29th for leap year) with an interesting or important (or both!) historical event. It's for elementary school children, so I feel like I have a chance with this book. I would like to read one page of this book every day.

I think I am high N3 level (but I've never taken a JLPT exam, not even a mock exam). I would like to seriously tackle the N3 study material to improve my level. Up until now I have been working on it sporadically, but I'd like to make a dedicated effort to tackle the material. So I'd like to work through the 総まとめN3 (そう まとめ N3) series at least once a week.

As I mentioned, I have been reviewing five kanji almost every day for a year, and I'd like to focus my kanji studies a little. I want to study the 常用漢字 (じょうようかんじ), particularly the 教育漢字 (きょういくかんじ), up to grade 6. The 常用漢字 are the 2,136 kanji taught in schools that are "daily use" kanji, which means that you can read newspapers and most other things in daily life if you know these kanji. I would like to have the first 1,026 教育漢字 mostly memorized (on'yomi, kun'yomi, meaning) by the end of 2023. I believe I have a good start from my prior studies, so mind you, I am not starting from zero.

As always, my goal is to study Japanese for at least 10 minutes a day. Even as a busy working mom, I can always find 10 minutes to get in some Japanese study (before work, before bed, whilst watching TV). And as I always remind my readers, consistent study is the key to improving your Japanese (or any skill for that matter).

Thank you for joining me on my language journey in 2022, and I look forward to continuing to study with you in 2023!

今年はありがとうございました！

Thanks for everything this year!

良いお年をお迎えください。

Best wishes for the New Year.

そして、また来年よろしくお願いいたします。

And I look forward to seeing you next year.

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 2, Episode 4 ("The Road Trip To Harvard") Aka JessMas Eve This episode makes my list of favorite episodes. On that list of episodes, only two of them don't include Jess (the other being Rory & Paris' super gay spring break trip). So I guess you could say I enjoy the episodes where the characters manage to escape The Hollow for a bit and visit The Real World™. I already reviewed Jess' debut in the next episode ahead of schedule (which you can read here), so next time you see me post it will be Season 2, Episode 6. You can read the rest of my reviews here. I'm going to enjoy these last gasps of breath before Jess shows up and the agonies begin. Until then, let's pack our shit, print out our Mapquest directions, drag out the giant binder of compact discs, and get on with the road trip. Let me just say I admire Lorelai's ability to self reflect and admit to herself that she wasn't ready to get married and that Max wasn't the right person for her.

Rory: What did that sign say? Don't? Or Death? We're doomed. Lorelai: Wrong. We're being guided by fate.

Same things I'm saying as I await Jess Mariano's arrival.

I love Rory's disdain for all the late 90's pop music that I cherish so dearly.

Is that the name of the local asulym in The Hollow?

Debatable. Lorelai: I hope you didn't get too far on that cake. I know the kind of work you were gonna put into that cake and I'd just kill myself if you went crazy for nothing.

"Oh sure, don't worry about it Lorelai. It's not like I poured blood, sweat and tears, dozens of man-hours, and expensive ingredients into this god damn monstrosity just for you. I'm not going put you in a chokehold the next time I see you or anything. I'm Sookie! I'm too cute and quirky for that!"

"Here's what I think about your cold feet, Lorelai. " *grabs knife*

Awww Sookie, you're too kind. Thank you. I... don't understand Lorelai putting down Bed and Breakfasts. Doesn't she literally manage one? I suppose there is some minute difference between a charming, small town, New England "inn" run by quirky characters, and a charming, small town, New England "Bed and breakfast" run by quirky characters? Lorelai at the Cheshire Cat B&B: We can't stay here. Rory: Where are we going to sleep then? Dying of exposure in a car is my worst nightmare. Rory when she saw Jess dying of exposure in a car:

Lorelai: We found the only room that would have made Liberace step back and say "Wow, step back, no one's that gay!" Early 2000's tv writing, everyone! Lorelai: Are you hungry enough to risk having to answer 100 questions about Chilton, your life in a small town, and your hunky hunky boyfriend? No matter how far from home she strays, Lorelai's's thoughts are never far from Dean. Handsome, tall, beautiful, hunky hunky, 16 year old bag-boy Dean Forrester.

Rory: What do we do now? Lorelai: Go to sleep? Rory: It's only 8:30. How about we talk?

"Please say Dean, please say Dean, please say Dean..."

"...Damn it."

This screen shot has so many potential uses for future reviews! I will be stealing it. Thanks Lorelai! #Yoink Lorelai calls Sookie again, who is just chilling at Luke's instead of at the Inn for once, honestly kind of an unusual sight that threw me off. Earlier in the episode, on her first call to Sookie, Lorelai asked her to have Miss Patty spread the gossip that the engagement was kaput, but we learn that news has not yet reached Luke, who is in the middle of trying to throw Kirk out of the diner for ordering 8 refills of his coffee and occupying a table for too long. Kirk: I've been trying to figure out the tip, I'm not good at math. What's 6% of $4.43? 8 cups of coffee for under $5? 55 cents a cup? Good deal. See that Gilly Girls? Someone who pays Luke for their food and even leaves a tip! Granted, he's only about to leave 26 cents but at least it's something. Learn from this man. I know Lorelai eventually begins to pay Luke back with Nature's Credit Card (booty) but that's still a few years off. Sookie breaks the news to Luke, and the Grinch's heart grew 4 sizes that day. In light of the bad news, he decides he won't charge Kirk for his (now 9) cups of coffee, forgoing his 25 cent tip, and also gives free coffee to everyone else in the diner, plunging himself even deeper into debt. Anyone else ever think about poor Jess waiting tables, depending on tips but knowing that R&L never tipped him? And Rory would never even tip him with Nature's Credit Card. Shame, that.

I recognize the woman on the left from an episode of The Golden Girls and the guy in the middle from an episode of Seinfeld (Fun bit of trivia: Lauren Graham and Scott Patterson both made appearances on Seinfeld!)

Sorta kinda. And now for easily the best thing ever spotted in the background of a tv show.

Wanted: SAT Instructors? No, that's not it. Conference on Voting Modernization. Hmm, not quite...just move up a skosh there... Affordable Spanish tutoring? No..

Rory, you desperately need a job and I notice you're not jumping to sign up for this easy gig. I think this would look impressive and really stand out on your college application and you may learn a thing or two. Dean and Jess would be very appreciative. Sadly, even with my good vision I can't make out what the rest of the tiny writing says except "Gay and straight" and that the last line is some pervy perv's email address.

"Hey baby, you signing up for the Porn Watching job too?"

Sounds like a good place for getting paid to watch porn. I think Jess would have loved college, and in my headcanon he definitely gets his GED and goes to college in his 20's. The WB network basically made a show about it. It's called The Bedford Diaries. Or as I affectionately call it "Jess Goes To College". The GillyGirls commit some light breaking and entering and walk into an open dorm room.

I just wrote a song, want to hear it? Here goes: Vintage computers, oh so cute, early 2000's I love youuuu!

I know this was 2001, but Lorelai thinks it costs $100 to take a class at Harvard.

How do you know you're really at Harvard? Everyone wears sweatshirts that say "Harvard" on them. Rory tries to sneak into the class unnoticed but drops her coffee which causes every single person in the room to turn around and angrily glare at her and she gets reprimanded by the professor for not sitting in a seat. My heart breaks for her pathetic self. But if it's any comfort to Rory, in The Real World ™ I can promise you nobody in that class would give a shit about you or your coffee.

♫ I'm at a payphone, tryin to call Luke, I never pay him for his food ♫

The two women next to Rory are rolling their eyes so far back in their heads they're going to make a full rotation and come back out the other side.

Oh hey I know that guy in the red shirt! A time traveler from the distant year 2006. He didn't stick the landing, had to re-live 9/11 a month earlier and now he's being forced to listen to Rory Gilmore's thoughts on philosophy. That was a Heroes joke. That's the guy who played Hiro on the tv show Heroes. He could travel through time.

My man in plaid here has fallen into a coma.

Out of Context Gilly Girls Lorelai comes home and forces her mother to watch slides of their trip. Emily to Lorelai: Why would you go out of town right before your wedding? Wouldn't your fiance mind?

Heh heh, woopsie daisy! Emily thinks Lorelai eloped and flies into a rage but Lorelai tells her what happened. Emily's only response is that she's returning Lorelai's wedding gift. Lorelai once again swallows and represses her ongoing trauma and instead grills her mother on what the gift was, but she won't say. Doesn't Lorelai recieve an ice cream making machine in the mail with no return address a short time later, or was that just a fever dream? Ah, I suppose we shall soon find out. And now for the Relevant Stuff That Happens In The Last Three Minutes: Lorelai & Luke have a very sweet conversation where she decides to keep the chuppah and turn it into a positive instead of a painful reminder. Lorelai asks Luke if he will give her guidance on owning a business and he accepts. She wants to begin the process of opening an Inn with Sookie. Lorelai opens her flip phone and thank god she's just calling Sookie again and not Christopher. And Lane escaped from Korea. Good for her.

Tomatos Sign: Spotted.