#i completely forgot that it's gonna tear my heart to shreds
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#anyone else??#i was so happy to see my boys#i completely forgot that it's gonna tear my heart to shreds#rip arthur#rwrb#red white and royal blue#henry fox mountchristen windsor#rwrb movie
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how to (properly) make tomato soup | gojo satoru
.. it’s three pm, you’re sick, and satoru takes it upon himself to take care of you (except there’s one problem: he does not possess any shred of culinary ability whatsoever).
content: 1.7k words, no explicit gender mention but pet names like angel and baby are used, gojo being silly while geto is absolutely done w his bullshit, reader has a migraine, mainly a self indulgent comfort/crack fic
when you feel the pounding in your ears again, tears start to form in your eyes. fuck, you just can’t help it.
you’re tired. so tired of the constant headaches–the migraines that plague your days and make staying awake completely unbearable.
the familiar ache settles in, but you can tell that this time, it’s much worse than usual. the nauseating pressure that can be described as thousands of needles pricking the back of your eyes, the blinding light in the room that’s assaulting your vision, the overwhelming sounds around you that are so intense to the point where you want to do nothing but cry.
so… that’s exactly what you do.
you succumb to the pain, letting out a choked sob that arguably just makes everything worse. tears slowly make their way down your cheeks, and you put your head in your hands to simultaneously muffle your cries and shield yourself from the light around you. you want to turn off the light. your head screams at you to turn off the light, but you’re so dizzy that you can barely even move.
“y/n?”
-
the first call of your name barely registers amidst the ringing in your ears. you hear it when your name is said a second time, though, and you feel yourself coming back to your surroundings.
he’s… here.
your boyfriend, satoru. yeah, he’s here.
head still buried in your hands, you carefully move one of your fingers to peek at him. he’s crouched down in front of you, a look of concern on his face. he’s saying something…
“where does it hurt, baby?” you’re still so stunned that you can’t find the strength in you to speak. so you close your eyes and point to the area where it hurts the most, sniffling. “is it okay if i massage that area, angel?”
throughout the midst of all your pain and tears, your heart manages to swell. it swells for satoru, because he’s here–he’s present, and he cares about you.
you manage out a small nod, eyes still shut. you let out a shaky breath—a breath that you just found out you were holding, since everything hurt so much that you forgot to breathe.
satoru massages your temples gently, even making an effort to softly wipe the tears off of your face. he feels your forehead with the back of his hand and frowns at your temperature. you’re starting to burn up. “s more than a headache, baby. i’m gonna take you to the bed, okay?”
this was going to be a long afternoon.
he carries you bridal style to your bedroom and gently places you on the mattress. he turns off the lights and draws the blinds shut, providing a welcome respite from the sensory assault just moments ago. you exhale a sigh of relief, slowly opening your eyes as you wipe the dried tears off your face. he climbs into the bed with you, and you instinctively cling to him for support as you wrap your arms around his neck. it hurts. everything hurts, but satoru’s presence makes it slightly more bearable. “my poor angel. have you been overworking yourself lately?”
you bury your face in his neck, finding comfort in being close to your boyfriend. he presses a feather-light kiss on your forehead, and it makes you want to cry again. “maybe. the headaches are getting worse.”
“you should take it easier on yourself. i can’t have you cryin’ like this. not on my watch,” he remarks, making sure to keep his voice low as not to overwhelm you. “y’know, if your migraines were a person, i’d make sure to hollow purple ‘em. no hesitation.”
a soft laugh escapes you, but you regret it almost immediately as it just intensifies the pain. he lets out an apology, but you just huff.
you close your eyes again, exhaustion taking over as your eyelids grow heavier. satoru slowly releases himself from your vice grip, much to your chagrin. you try and weakly protest, but he just shushes you gently. “just go to sleep, baby. i’ll be right back, okay? when was the last time you ate?”
“hm… i remember having a little bit of breakfast when i woke up-”
“alright.” he says, making a mental note that he should make food. “i’m going to go make you something, okay? i promise i’ll be back soon.”
“...don’t burn down the kitchen, please.”
“i can’t promise that, though.”
-
“you found the soup packet? okay, finally. now you just turn on the stove…”
satoru’s a little embarrassed to say that he doesn’t know how to cook.
growing up, he’s had practically everything served to him on a silver platter, so he never had to worry about making his own food. and frankly, despite your statement earlier being a joke, he is genuinely afraid to burn the house down. so, he has his best friend suguru on a video call right now, teaching him–gojo satoru, a twenty-eight-year-old man–how to make instant soup.
“the stove?”
“yeah…? don’t tell me you don’t know-”
“-no, no. i know how to turn the stove on. of course i do.” it feels like he’s trying to convince himself more than suguru. the camera shows satoru in his kitchen, sweating profusely and glaring at the stove like it’s his biggest enemy. satoru has fought countless curses in his life, has had near-death experiences multiple times, and even faced the king of curses himself, but he thinks that everything pales in comparison to this task. he tries to turn the knob, but it won’t budge. “what the hell?-“
“satoru-” it seems like the azure-eyed man doesn’t hear him as he keeps trying to turn on the stove (suguru swears he hears him muttering the phrase “with this treasure i summon”, but that’s not even his technique). he can’t help but facepalm for the hundredth time during the duration of this call. “satoru!”
he finally gets his attention, and satoru looks at his phone and sees geto with a look that screams “are you fucking kidding me?”—or really, just a look of utter disappointment. “you’re turning the stove the wrong way.”
“...”
he turns the knob the opposite way, and the burner sets ablaze instantly.
“oh, yeah… um, i definitely knew that.”
“satoru, how do you survive whenever you’re not on a mission?”
“sometimes i think about that too, really. i think it’s because y/n is the one who always cooks.”
“you think i can’t tell already?”
-
much to both of their surprise, satoru managed to make a pot of tomato soup. it only took him approximately forty-five minutes. satoru seems so proud of himself, meanwhile suguru looks so ready to block his number and never talk to him again.
he pours some of the soup into a bowl, and places it on a tray. he also takes a few painkillers from the medicine cabinet–along with a bottle of water. he thanks suguru for helping him, and is about to hang up but stops short when his best friend freezes. “wait, hold on. did you turn off the stove?”
and after making suguru swear on his life to never speak of this event to you and airing out the house to get rid of the smell of smoke, gojo satoru, “the strongest”, thinks he’s the first ever man to somehow burn a pot full of soup.
“it’s an impressive feat, really.” he claims.
suguru just says that he should never be allowed near a kitchen ever again, and satoru actually finds it in himself to silently agree.
-
an hour has passed, and he sets the tray on the nightstand, relieved that the past hour of his life is finally over, never wanting to do that ever again. you’re sleeping soundly on the bed, and he almost doesn’t have the heart to wake you up, but he knows that you have to eat something. he turns the nightlight on and gently taps you on the shoulder as you wake up with a stir. “toru? s’that you?”
“it’s me. can you wake up for me, baby? i promise you can sleep again after, but you need to eat.” when you slowly sit up from your sleeping position, he places the tray on your lap and softly coaxes you to eat. you take a spoonful of soup into your mouth, relishing in the flavor as you’re just now realizing how hungry you are.
“this is good,” you say, letting out a smile. the nap helped you come back to your senses a little, and you can finally breathe a little easy now that the pounding in your head has eased. “didn’t know you could make this.”
“yeah, well, you better savor it.” cause i’m never making that again.
when you finish the soup, you swallow a few painkillers while taking a greedy gulp of water from the bottle on the tray.
just in case the pain comes back, you think. though you really, really wish that it wouldn’t.
satoru sets the tray on the nightstand, and you settle back into the covers, wanting to just sleep the rest of the day away. satoru follows not long after, turning off the nightlight and letting out a yawn.
you bury your face in his neck once more, kissing him on the cheek. “thank you, for um—for all of this.”
“s nothing. just promise that you won’t overwork yourself again, okay?” he says, carefully caressing your cheek with his thumb.
“i’ll try not to.”
“hey, you can’t say just that. you have to say, ‘i promise not to overwork myself again, toru. i love you, and thank you for the tomato soup.’” he says while poorly imitating your voice, and you can’t help but laugh.
“okay, okay. i promise not to overwork myself again, love. i love you so, so much.” you say while peppering kisses all over his face, and he’s so glad that the lights are off so that you’re unable to see how his cheeks are beet red. “thank you for taking care of me… and for the soup. it was good.”
and as your eyelids begin to grow heavy once more, satoru thinks that his efforts aren’t in vain after all. because the sight of you, finding comfort in his presence, stirs a little bit of determination from within him. and maybe, just maybe, he’d take it upon himself to learn how to properly cook, not just (partially burnt) instant soup, but a real meal for the next time that you’re feeling like this.
and as he watches your chest rise up and down as you sleep, he can’t help but whisper, “yeah. next time, i’ll make you more than just soup. i’ll cook something special, just for you. ‘nd i won’t burn the pot again, either.”
because for you, satoru would do anything as long as he gets to see you happy. and part of that includes learning how to (properly) make tomato soup… and more.
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru x you#gojo x reader#gojo satoru fluff#gojo fluff#gojo satoru comfort#gojo comfort
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bad buddy ep 10 (thoughts)
ep 10 completely wiped me out for a good few days. in the same way that ep 5 left me in a distracted daze the whole week, ep 10 kicked me in the chest at full force and i’m still reeling from the impact of it all.
phenomenal. idk how this show keeps exceeding my expectations, but somehow it keeps doing it. i thought ep 5 was going to remain my fave ep of this show forever bc of how much emotional it made me, but then ep 10 happened and made me feel emotions i didn’t even know i could FEEL and it just up and knocked the breath (and tears) right out of me.
anyway, i’m just SO GLAD that they postponed this ep bc i would have for sure spent new year’s crying my eyes out so that was a good move on gmmtv’s part for sure 😭
so in the excitement of the new ep, i almost forgot that we left off on pat’s parents seeing pran exiting his room and ngl...the way he got all flustered and left the scene to avoid confronting them is absolutely something i would have done as well. it would almost have been funny if my poor heart wasn’t beating so fast for him.
i love that pat’s gun excuse wasn’t even a lie (though a half truth, i guess, but understandable). kind of telling that his dad’s first question after seeing his son who was just SHOT wasn’t about his wellbeing but to ask why pran was there...talk about red flags...
i have such different feelings about his dad’s apology rewatching this than upon my first watch. the first time, i really thought that maybe his dad wouldn’t be that hard to win over after all...now i realise that it says a lot that pat told pran he’s never seen his dad like that before in his entire life. poor boy was SO excited :( only for the image of his father to be ripped to shreds at the end of the ep.
i like their conversation by the bins bc it really highlights how different their personalities are. pat, ever positive and idealistic about the rift between their families potentially being mended through this incident. pran, more negative and realistic about their situation. the characterisations are so consistent and have stayed the same since the start (look at the difference in their reactions after the rooftop kiss).
love that pat basically just lives at pran’s dorm now :’)
SO. LET ME TALK ABOUT WHY STAIRWAY ‘PROPOSAL’/CONFESSION SCENE IS EVERYTHING TO ME.
we get scenes like this in het rom coms ALL THE TIME, so it’s just so lovely and heartwarming to see this adorable, cheesy, public confession between two boys be such a normalised thing?? like to have the entire architecture crowd just cheering them on????? i am, and always will be, a hopeless romantic so i loved every single thing about this.
i specifically love that it was orchestrated by pran and his friends (and his mentor?? that guy was so drunk i thought he was gonna fall down the stairs omg). this was pran’s way of showing pat how much he loved him. even if he technically wasn’t the one that was declaring his love publicly like pat, he set the whole plan into motion bc he KNEW that this was what pat always wanted. for their relationship to be out in the open, no more hiding, no more sneaking around their friends and faculties. he gave pat the chance to express his feelings in a forum much more public than instagram...to announce to the world (or to pran’s faculty at least), that he’s taken like he said he wanted in ep 8.
and that in itself is a gesture on pran’s part too, since it proves how he's all in for pat now as well. he’s completely okay with their relationship being out in the open (aside from their parents for obvious reasons), and even encourages pat to confess to him. it lays the groundwork for the latter half of the ep bc this scene really solidifies their relationship officially. to me, it shows that they’ll be able to weather through whatever storm that comes their way together.
something else that makes me happy about this scene is that this is the both of them actually being vocal and public about their relationship on their own terms. they were outed against their will the first time, but now it’s all them. THEIR the ones choosing to turn this into a public declaration of their love for one another. i especially love that, like everything else, pran turns pat’s love declaration into a challenge for him, and as always, pat is up to the task.
pran changing his password to ‘praninlove’ he’s such a hidden SAP and i love it :’))) and pat saying pran likes origami is such a cute detail bc it brings me back to ep 2 during the secret admirer arc when pran folded the little origami crane for pat (even though he didn’t know it was pat back then). that’s so adorable.
everything pat mentions is something we already know about pran, and that makes me feel like i’m in love with him too 😂
i also really like that this is basically their big romeo and juliet balcony scene, but it’s not just pat walking up there to meet pran at the top (like how romeo climbs up the balcony to meet juliet in most stage/film adaptations). it’s pat ascending the stairs as pran descends them so the two of them meet halfway. always as equals. bad buddy shows us this time and time again. how the two of them are never too stubborn to give in/let the other ‘win’...they’re always making compromises for one another and meeting each other halfway (like how they literally meet each other in the middle of the stairway).
they’ve fist bumped at every stage of their relationship now. it’s been their thing since the beginning 😭
it’s not that i wasn’t expecting waikorn...but i also wasn’t really expecting it, if you know what i mean?? 😂 it was nice to see them share in on the product placement scenes too haha. and at least now we know that everything is fully reconciled with their friends. they won’t be holding them back anymore (and, if anything, i hope they’ll be there to support them when they need it most).
how much do i love that pat didn’t go down the stereotypical protective/possessive older brother route when wai asked if he could hit on his sister. he basically just told him that it was all her decision...and that he could shoot his shot if he wanted, but he had competition. it’s the bare minimum, but it’s so nice to see an older brother actually respect his sister and her decisions in her own love life for once.
speaking of paa’s love life, ink buying her a not so anonymous cake and making paa question her feelings!! THEY’RE HONESTLY THE CUTEST AND I LOVE THEM IN EVERY WAY.
chai coming with the tea (pun intended)!!!!!!! no, but fr i’m so glad that they could reveal their relationship to an adult who already knows about the feud between both their families, and who actually accepts their relationship, encourages them, and tells them that one day things will get better (my fave kind of foreshadowing). i also love that chai caught onto them pretty much right away when he’s only ever seen them interact together like three times. literally no one else that was around them ever figured our their relationship (aside from maybe ink).
i def knew that the animosity between their parents had to do with more than just the business, but i wasn’t expecting everything about the business to be a lie that they were keeping up.
i can’t believe i really got the paa asking pat for advice on her love life bonding scene i’ve been craving this whole time :’) and then pat just spinning her own love guru advice back onto her. their relationship is the absolute sweetest!!
inkpaa picnic/photography lesson date!!!!!!!!!! paa using her first two signs to test whether ink feels anything and getting virtually no response other than confirming to herself that SHE likes ink though 😭 esp when wai comes onto the scene and she can see him react (very expressively) to the first two signs, but she’s not feeling the same way AT ALL. all that does is make her compare how she feels for the two of them and solidify her feelings for ink once again.
okay but i laughed so hard at ink’s reaction the entire time wai was there. she was SO fed up with him omg. the way she literally only said bye to pran when they were leaving, and the final glare she shot wai (and his reaction to it)?? comedy gold.
at least wai was perceptive enough to pick up on it and give up on paa though!! i almost felt bad for him (and that’s on jimmy’s utter adorableness tbh).
ink finally showing the third sign without paa being the one to prompt her (thanks wai)!!!!! i don’t think you understand how i SCREAMED when ink asked paa if she was dating anyone and paa responded that she had someone she liked!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m so in love with them!!!!!!!!!
i think most of us called that whatever their feud was about, it was always between pat’s dad and pran’s mum...so it wasn’t really a shock that they both went to the same high school together (i knew they had to have some deep rooted history to have such animosity for one another).
i do think it’s nice seeing pat and pran do all their detective work together though. they’re so cute.
seeing them back at their old high school to find out more about their parents made me so excited bc i LOVE their high school flashback scenes. pran grinning with those dimples as he watched pat get punished?? and then not denying it when pat teased him about how he’d just confessed that he’s been looking at him like that since high school?? they have the strongest hold over my heart.
pat carrying pran’s bag JUST BOYFRIEND THINGS.
anyway, i just love seeing them be so out in the open about their love now. and having pat joke with their old teacher about how they’re a couple now. it’s the happiness they deserve :’)
not the my school president boys covering patpran’s song!!!!! so they really left a legacy at this school, huh.
pran was trying so hard to avoid even holding the guitar bc he knew it would make him want to start playing again...it makes me so sad that he has to suppress this part of himself and keep saying he’s quit (when he clearly LOVES playing the guitar) bc his mum doesn’t want him playing it :( but he played the song he was writing for pat bc pat asked him too and he really just loves him that much ;;;
i love how pat’s been encouraging pran's guitar playing since high school too bc he knows it’s something that truly makes pran happy (and brought them together).
idk this scene is just so BEAUTIFUL. pran singing the love song he wrote specifically for pat directly to him...pat getting to listen to the love of his life serenade him with a song meant only for him...and all of this happening in their old school, on the stage where they were initially torn apart. the softness and love in the expressions of their face as they gaze at one another. now this...THIS is romance. this is love in its purest form. they had bad memories the last time they saw each other at this school, but now they get to create a new memory. a good one.
i’m gonna need gmmtv to drop the full version of this song asap, but i don’t think it’ll happen until we see pran perform it in full on the show (prob in ep 12)...
that flashback of pat running after pran to give him his guitar only for it to be too late...and then he kept his guitar for YEARS on the off chance he’d be able to give it back to him 😭 and, in the end, he DID. i will never not be choked up about this.
it’s interesting to me that their teacher knew so much more about pat’s dad than she did about pran’s mum. i wonder if he had more sway bc of his status (since she mentioned that he was head of the class and basically participated in every school event), and that’s why he was more easily believed when he said that pran’s mum didn’t want the scholarship...
absolutely LOVE the noodle shop scene with pat and paa. it’s so sweet?? the fact that they fight one another on who gets to talk first instead of the usual “you go first” is SUCH sibling behaviour. and pat always gives in to his little sister :’)
you can tell that paa is more nervous about telling pat that it’s ink that she likes than that it’s a girl (which makes sense since pat likes a boy, so of course he would be accepting of paa liking a girl). the way they're constantly confiding in one another is so lovely to see. i don’t think i’ve seen that many sibling relationships in media that are this open and supportive (and it reminds me a lot of my own relationship with my brother, so their scenes always have a special place in my heart).
it’s nice that paa checked in with pat first to make sure he was okay with her liking ink (since pat liked her originally). even though pat’s feelings for ink never ran that deep, i still think it was a really respectful thing to do. i love that he was the first person she told too. this show gives us some of the best, healthiest relationships (barring their parents).
paa is legit sooooooooo adorable. the complete heart eyes she has for ink now????? she looks at her with so much adoration. like she’s just glowing in ink’s presence and it’s actually the cutest thing in the whole world.
THE DARK ROOM SCENE OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want this scene tattooed onto the backs of my eyelids so i can watch it forever. i love everything about it.
paa not being able to take her eyes away from ink, and then looking on the verge of tears the entire time she thought ink was only being nice to her bc she was her peer mentor (i cannot praise love enough for her acting in this scene!! she just about broke my heart with how sad paa was).
“i like it so much that i thought i was special to you” and “it’s my fault to think of you as more than just a peer mentor” i knew that ink would step up, but even still, I WAS ABOUT TO CRY. i don’t ever want to see paa sad :((((((((((
what i love so much about pat and paa is that they’re both so honest in everything they say and do. when they feel something for someone, they can’t keep it in. they need to act upon it, or say it out loud, immediately. that gene is so strong in the both of them (and they didn’t get it from their dad, that’s for sure...).
when ink said that she had to fight the whole faculty in order to get paa as her peer mentee, my heart LEAPED. also, seeing how she shoos every boy in her path (esp wai) away, i 100000% believe her. idk how anyone would have the guts to fight ink 😂 AND THEN CONFESSING THAT SHE’S LIKED HER SINCE HIGH SCHOOL (even back before paa had her uni ‘glow up’). the first time i watched this, i could barely believe it was happening. like i thought they were happening from the get go bc of all the hints, but to have it actually confirmed fr is an entirely different feeling than just knowing but not being completely certain.
“Someone with the smiles I want to keep to myself only”. i would crumble into a million pieces if anyone confessed to me irl like this. it is legit my ideal confession. a relationship literally developing in a dark room with the perfect amount of cute and heartfelt. and then ink cupping paa’s face in her hands, the kisses, holding her hand. it has EVERYTHING. bless this show for giving us the GL we deserve (now we just need a full series...where’s the inkpaa spin off pls).
i get so giddy every time i even just think about this scene, okay. i love it to pieces :’)
pat and pran finally getting to go on their hot pot date in public!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pran constantly saying that he’s not going to play guitar anymore, but still getting it serviced anyway as if we don’t all know that he’s going to finish writing that song for pat!!
not pat and his “call my big bro” kink i- 😭
the ‘proposal’ scene...and now the talk about rings is giving me some big engagement/marriage vibes. why do i get the feeling they’ll either be engaged or married by the end of this drama. calling it now for ep 12!!
but first, the fall out :(((((((((
the whole last 16 mins of this ep was just heartbreak after heartbreak. they buttered us up with the fluff, and then everything came crashing down like we always knew it was going to, but it honestly still hurt me so much more than i was anticipating.
this was the worst place for them to be found out by pat’s parents. in public like this, and then for pat’s dad to lose all reason, charge at him, and immediately get physical like that in front of everyone????? imagine what he’d be like in private then... :///
what gets me is that pran...pran who HATES confrontation, who avoids it like the plague (like he did in the beginning of this ep, or after their first kiss), still stepped between them the second he saw pat’s dad push him. even when, in every scene we’ve seen them interact, he appears to be afraid of pat’s dad (and understandably so). he still put that fear aside and tried to protect pat the moment he saw that pat could get hurt...only for HIM to be the one flung to the ground by pat’s dad instead. and then pat immediately dropping to check if he was alright the moment he saw what his dad did :(
up until then, pat was trying to keep the peace...i don’t think he would have said anything more to his parents, but he got angry (and impulsive) as soon as his dad hurt pran...bc if there’s one thing he can’t stand, it’s when pran’s hurt in any way. and even in that anger, you can still see how scared he is to tell his parents that pran is his boyfriend. but it’s been bubbling up for so long that it all had to come out at some point, and in that moment through the anger and the hurt, i don’t think pat saw any other choice.
you can really see how terrified pat’s dad is as soon as pat brings up that he knows about the history between him and pran’s mum. you know he’s buried this secret of his deep, deep down somewhere and done everything in his power to make sure it never saw the light of day again.
god, and then pran feeling so overwhelmed by everything that’s happened...he’s been rejected in words by pat’s dad before (when he was hiding under the bed in ep 2), and now he’s been physically pushed to the ground by him. the unexpected confrontation pushing him over the edge and making him lash out at pat bc it’s all just too much :( and then the look on his face when pat listens to his request and walks away to talk to his dad...like he immediately feels bad for it. and like he’s absolutely devastated and terrified about what this might mean for them. about the possibility of pat being wrenched away from him once again.
honestly, bless chai. i really love how supportive he is of the both of them, the only adult that’s acting like an adult rn. how he offers to stay with pran when he confronts his mum is just really lovely of him.
pran hiding his guitar from his mum before he enters the house like he’s trying to hide away his feelings ;;; i’m certain he would have kept his relationship with pat hidden too if it hadn’t been for his mum pressing him so hard about what was going on between the two of them.
but just like pat in the scene before, and maybe that’s where he got the courage to say it out loud too, he admits the truth about their relationship to his mother. like i said before, pran tends to avoid confrontations at all costs, but the constant suppression has made him a ticking time bomb. when he confronts his mum, it hurts bc everything he’s telling her has been building up inside of him for years and years at this point. all the emotional trauma. all the pain. he’s pushed so much of it down for so long that it was only a matter of time before he erupted.
i’m so glad that pran called his mum out on the way she pushed all these expectations on him and how it wasn’t his job to upkeep her reputation for her. all of these parents not being able to accept that their children are individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. it’s so awful.
“because you raised me this way, that’s why i’m not like other kids” damn. that line is so powerful. not that she doesn’t deserve it bc of everything pran’s had to go through as a child till now, but it would absolutely kill me inside if i was a mother and heard my own child say that to me and mean it.
it in no way excuses the slap, but the heightened emotions are so real. and at least it looked like she regretted what she did straight after it.
the resentment and hurt on pran’s face though...the look in his eyes...i. am. distraught (both nanon and p’ple are so incredible).
as soon as she started marching over to pat’s place i knew shit was going to go DOWN, and this whole sequence of events was just so intense and emotionally draining...it was a lot to take in.
(i’m gonna use their parents names interchangeably here bc i find it easier this way).
so one of the things that i was always worried about with this series was that they weren’t going to make the family rift deep enough to justify why both the families despised each other so much (and kept trying to make their children compete/keep them apart). if it had been just a lover’s quarrel, i wouldn’t have been sold tbh. esp after sooooooo many years, and with the two having already married different people. but STEALING A SCHOLARSHIP?? now THIS is a good reason to me.
speaking from personal experience in my own family, my parents grew up in south east asia, and they grew up poor. bc of this, my mum was never able to go to university. my dad, as the only boy in his family, was. i can only IMAGINE how much a scholarship would have meant to a girl who wasn’t well off, living in thailand in the 90s. it would have changed EVERYTHING for her. like dissaya says, it was literally her whole future. by taking away her chance at this scholarship, ming stole her future and any opportunities that she could have had away from her. i would be LIVID. honestly, livid doesn’t even cover it.
this confrontation should have happened a long time ago, but the fact that she kept all of these feelings festering inside of her for over 20 years just proves to me that she really is pran’s mother.
no matter what dissaya has gone through, this will never excuse how pran’s been treated, but i can’t help but empathise with her at the same time. at least now i can understand why she has so much hatred for pat’s dad (and family by association). now i can understand why she freaked out and immediately made pran transfer schools the moment she realised that pat and pran had become close. she was projecting all the trauma she’d experienced from ming onto pat, and she was afraid that pat would do the same thing to her son.
it was fine before bc if they were always fighting/rivals, it meant that pat and pran would never be close enough for pat to jeopardise pran’s future. but if they became friends?? it hits much too close for comfort for her.
and the thing with pran is that he internalises his feelings so much that i don’t think dissaya ever realised just how much of an impact pressuring him, imprinting this mindset on him, and transferring him to another school (and taking him away from his only sources of happiness: his guitar and pat) really had on him. she prob never truly realised until pran finally told her how he felt during their argument.
but she did. she made him inherit all the anger and resentment she felt towards ming...she fostered the environment that gave him all this emotional trauma, manifesting in his need to keep things to himself, shut down instead of confronting things head on, and his need for control (his OCD tendencies). i’ve also mentioned this before, but pran is constantly being punished every time he allows himself to be happy/expresses himself (from having to transfer schools, to being pushed to the ground, to being slapped). it’s only natural for him to continue to shut himself down and lock away his feelings from his friends and family. to keep everyone away except pat bc pat is the only one who lets him feel what he feels, and never pressures him into anything else.
idk i’m just heartbroken for both of them for different reasons. dissaya didn’t deserve what happened to her, but pran didn’t deserve all the expectations placed upon him bc of what she experienced. it’s generational trauma.
and don’t even let me get started on MING. so ming really was the bad buddy all along, huh.
i understand how difficult it can be growing up in an asian household where you’re constantly pressured by your parents, i KNOW it’s not easy to live up to parental expectations, but what he did was despicable. and to then place all that same pressure on your own son when you’ve experienced it all before?? this is obviously pretty common...that’s how cycles of abuse and trauma get passed down, but it’s just so vile to me that he made pat compete with pran (hate him) knowing FULL WELL that he was in the wrong. and it’s something that he can barely admit it to himself, let alone apologise for what he did.
it’s honestly amazing to me how caring and balanced his children grew up to be despite how selfish he is. hie ego was too big for him to even apologise, and instead he made everything so much worse. dissaya must have been seething this whole time. ming making his son compete against her son after everything that he did to her...like i don’t condone how she responded to it, but i can see why, clouded by her anger, she’d make pran compete against pat too to spite him. their children were just soldiers in the war that their parents were fighting.
and to take a scholarship that he didn’t even need from someone that actually NEEDED it, not use it, and then just end up running the family business instead?? it really makes it so much worse. like rubbing salt in the wound. fuck this guy.
you can see that there was some level of guilt that he felt (thinking that giving chai up and letting them run a business to compete with his would somehow make them even??), but it’s just so misguided. and so buried under his own pride and need to save face. no wonder ming wants to live vicariously through pat so badly...it feel like some sort of clean slate for him. and it makes the hypocrisy of him constantly being on pat’s case about lying make a lot more sense. it’s like he’s overcompensating bc he knows that HE’S the one that told the biggest lie of all. bc underneath it all, he knows that he’s the one in the wrong, but he just can’t admit it.
other than the rooftop hug, the scene where pat asks his father whether the reason he had to hate pran all this time was bc of him, hit me SO damn hard. remember at the beginning of the ep when pat was feeling so positive that their parents might be able to get over their feud?? compare how he was in that scene to how he is in this one. he’s devastated. it hurts so much bc, although pat’s an emotionally expressive person, we rarely see him cry like this. but his wavering voice, the way you can see his tears literally welling up, the utter disappointment on his face. you can pinpoint the exact moment when his heart breaks bc his father, someone he’s respected and looked up to his whole life, isn’t the person he thought he was at all. it’s the complete disillusionment (ohm tore my heart to shreds in this...everyone acted so well).
it keeps making me cry bc pat’s felt guilty this WHOLE time. for not thanking pran properly when he saved paa, for getting him transferred, and now, worst of all, for his father being the root cause of the whole rift in the first place. none of this is his fault, of course, but it’s like the guilt keeps following him around bc of the actions of their parents. it was one of the reasons he kept trying to make amends with pran in the first place, but they keep getting caught up in the mess created by their families.
and then to have his mum defend his dad after all that?? hell no. these boys deserve so much better.
finally, rooftop scene. what even needs to be said about this. i didn’t think anything could match the emotions of ep 5′s rooftop scene, but this scene is SPECTACULAR. heart wrenching in the best way. the first time i watched this, i didn’t even cry bc i was just feeling too many things at once, but every single time i’ve watched this since, i’ve bawled my eyes out. i think when you get to sit with the emotions more, it hits so much deeper.
the rooftop is truly their special place. they’re always meeting up here during a turning point in their relationship.
i love the parallels with the ep 5 rooftop kiss. the charged emotions, the intimacy...but i love the differences between both these scenes now that their relationship has changed and developed so much. instead of pran walling his emotions up again and walking away like he did in ep 5, this time he lets it all out. lets pat see him at his most vulnerable, and leans on him for support instead bc he knows pat will always be there to catch him. pat’s his safe space.
the hug is so incredibly beautiful and meaningful. when pat first sees him, he looks at pran with such love and care...such openness and surety, and the only thing pran can do is crumble and cry into the arms of the person he feels safest with. poor boy is so incredibly drained. i love that pran hugs pat like he’s his lifeline, latches onto him and locks him in place, but pat hugs him like he knows he needs to be his pillar rn. the reassurance and the comfort of pat stroking pran’s hair, holding him close, and making sure that pran knows that he’s there for him ;;; even when pran pulls away from him, he’s still got a hand on the back of his neck. it’s clearly tearing pat up inside too, but he only cries when pran can’t see his face bc he knows that pran needs to be consoled the most in this moment, and he has to stay strong and support him as best he can. he needs to be the anchor.
pran’s “i can’t take it anymore” is so devastating bc you know that pran would only admit it out loud like this if he was at the end of his tether. it’s taken such a toll on him (the both of them), and i’m so glad that they’ll be getting away from the toxicity of their environment again in the next ep bc they NEED it.
not to mention, it makes sense that they would go back to the first place they ever felt like they could exist together in peace. no external conflict for them to worry about, and nothing there trying to tear them apart. it’s only a temporary reprieve, but it’s a reprieve all the same.
anyway, i always find it interesting that their parents’ feud is what has constantly pulled them into each other’s orbits. at first bc they were forced to compete against one another, but now it’s bc they have no one else left but one other to rely on. their parents have made it so no one else has the same shared experiences as the both of them do, unintentionally tying them together, and all it’s done is made their bond and love for each other stronger than ever. it’s the thing that unites them against all odds, but instead of being pushed together by circumstances like all the times before, this time they’re CHOOSING one another over the war between their parents, finding the comfort and solace they so desperately crave in each other’s arms.
they gave us a bit of everything in this ep. from the highs of the stairway confession and inkpaa in the dark room, to the lows of everything exploding the moment their parents found out about them and the rooftop hug...this ep was SO jam packed.
i don’t think any drama has ever taken me on such an intense emotional rollercoaster of a ride for so long before, but i’m grateful for every second of it. i’m so grateful for this revolving door of every emotion in existence bc nothing has ever made me feel the way that bad buddy does.
only two eps left and i can’t wait for the next one bc i genuinely have NO IDEA how things are going to pan out for them (though i’m certain that we’ll get the happy ending we’re all rooting for, i just don’t know how we’ll get there).
i’m really going to be so lost when i don’t have this drama to look forward to every friday. the thought of it makes me so sad, but at the same time, i’m already counting down the days until i can rewatch it from beginning to end again.
#bad buddy#this is WAY too long i never know how to condense myself my inner monologue just keeps going#and i had too many thoughts to even try to stop tbh i just hope it makes some kind of sense??#i love this ep so much but it drains me every time i watch it (and yet i find myself watching it over and over again anyway)#the preview for ep 11 looks sweet but at the same time i'm worried bc it has this melancholic feel to it#like something is going to go down at the end :/// and then we're gonna have to hang on a whole week for it to be resolved just you wait#i'm so excited and nervous now ;;;#i just really don't want to say goodbye to this drama i love it so much#text
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A Day With The Genshin Characters: Liyue Edition
Today's going to be a busy day! Check your planner for who you'll be meeting with- as one of the esteemed members of the Liyue Qixing, you cannot afford to be late to any appointment.
• 6:00, Ningguang: Morning Tea
Although you say you love your job, waking up at un-archonly hours has to be the part you like the least. Even getting up at five in the morning, the hour when tigers prowl, is still not enough time to prepare for a meeting with the Tianquan. You rush around frantically choosing the best outfit, fragrance, and hair arrangement to present yourself to Lady Ningguang, and you're halfway out the door when it hits you- you forgot to bring a gift with you!
"Right on time," Ningguang says, pleased. You smile, hoping she won't hear your heart beating from anxiety. "And what a lovely present, too... is there any doubt you were appointed as one of the seven Qixing?" (You can't tell if it's her rare praise, or the sheer altitude you're at within the Jade Chamber, that's making your head spin).
• 7:00, Keqing: Business Meeting
You barely have time to rest before Keqing whisks you away to Yuehai Pavilion. You're very close friends, and you admire the girl for her tenacity and diligence. The conversation flows easily as you walk to your destination under a cloudless sky. It's a wonderfully sunny moment, but the moment the doors lock, you mean business. In the next two hours, you conquer matters that would normally take days to resolve, and the two of you exchange grins.
"There we go!" Keqing breathes a sigh of relief, pushing away the last stack of papers. She holds up her hand, and you high-five. "You know, I like how easily you keep up with me. You even caught mistakes I would have missed... things like this make me even more certain Liyue is better off in human hands."
• 9:00: Check In With Ganyu
With such a hectic schedule, Ganyu is your saving grace. It's always important to check in with her, just to make sure nothing you have planned catches you by surprise, and sometimes you wonder why others rarely do the same. She's quite lonely, and often mentions how nice it is that you speak with her every day and bring her gifts to help with work. It may be part of your job to be courteous, but... it does help her feel less lonely and conflicted with herself.
"Qingxin flowers? Thank you so much." She accepts them gratefully, smiling at you with warm eyes. "I still have that new stationery you gave me, too. You're so kind for remembering the things I like!"
• 9:30: Talk to Beidou
The tea in the Jade Chamber was just a front for Ningguang to spring a request on you- meet with the captain of the Crux Fleet to discuss her... recent smuggling habits. But Beidou merely laughs heartily when you arrive. A crewmate tosses her a sack of Mora, and she slits it open, letting the payment shower over you in a spray of gold. And then, before you know what's happening, you're roped into helping them find a treasure rumored to be lost beneath the waves.
"So, Ningguang though sending her star diplomat would get me to let up, huh!" You blush, wondering how you could be so easy to read under her ruby eye. "I was impressed by your words, and how well you fought by my side. But the annoyance of the Liyue Qixing is of no concern to me."
• 12:00, Tartaglia: TEACH HIM A LESSON!
As the member of the Qixing that oversees diplomacy and foreign relations, it's you that must meet with the Fatui Harbinger. He's quite good at playing pretend- all your underlings believed he was a naive, careless young man, and easily manipulated, too. And all of them ended up suppressing the urge to break something after they were done conversing with him. On your honor as one of Liyue's seven stars, you vow to not make their mistakes.
"You're asking why I don't try to drive you mad?" he said, setting down his fork. You'd caved in and given him one after watching him struggle with chopsticks for far too long. "You're the only one who isn't a bore to talk to, that's all-" so this was on purpose?!- "and besides, I want to challenge you to a fight afterwards! Your vision's getting quite dusty from neglect, comrade. Let's fix that!"
• 2:00, Yanfei: Discussion of Legal Matters
Yanfei's counsel is an invaluable treasure. Especially when dealing with an opponent as vicious as Snezhnaya's Fatui, who deserve to have her wrath unleashed upon them. You walk to her office with a gleam in your eyes, and are delighted to see an equal fire already blazing in hers. For the next few hours, you two take the "suggestions" Tartaglia passed on from the Northland Bank and scheme on how to best tear them to shreds with the law.
"That man-childe's been giving you trouble again, huh," she giggles. "What did he come up with this time~? I've been waiting for an excuse to bring out the latest edition of my lawbook!" And with that, Yanfei slams it down, and the sheer weight of it nearly cracks her desk. "He won't know what hit him!"
• 4:00: Free Time
Of course, "free time" simply means that you have no meetings scheduled for this hour, which lets you adequately prepare for the next day's events. Tomorrow is your appointment with the Feiyun Commerce Guild, which you already know will require great patience and strength of mind. Because the head of the guild, and his eldest son, the future head, are- to put it mildly- not very bright... it's fortunate, then, that the second son Xingqiu has a good head on his shoulders.
"Tomorrow, you should go straight to me instead," Xingqiu informs you cheerily, handing you a popsicle. Apparently, he keeps them around for his friend Chongyun, who's off to complete another exorcism. "I'll be sure to set everything in order." His eyes gleam. "And then, I can tell you the latest developments in 'A Legend of Sword'!"
• 5:00: Catch Xinyan's Concert!
Liyue's one and only rock musician isn't hard to find, thanks to the designated performance spots scattered around the city. You stop by at the raised platform where she's rocking out, where other people are listening as well. Xinyan strikes a peace sign in the air, and her vision glows with energy before the stage erupts with pillars of fire; her audience bursts into cheers and applause, and she's beaming as she leaps down to meet you.
"Wait, seriously? You really changed up the rules a lil' so it'll be easier for me to hold concerts here?" Her eyes shine as they scan the papers- one of the many results of your work today in Yuehai. "Thank you so much! Wait-" she picks up her guitar again, giving it an experimental riff. "Let me think up a quick song for ya as thanks- I insist!"
• 6:00: Wangsheng Funeral Parlor
Lately, you've been sent particularly determined requests from the other nations about allowing tourists to observe the ancient funeral rites. You already know the answer's gonna be a hard no, but the laws written by Rex Lapis state that you must check with the director anyway. She's not there when you arrive, so a consultant, Zhongli, brings you tea while you wait for her. You sit together in the fading sun, waiting for Hu Tao's familiar song to rise above the hill.
Zhongli takes a quiet sip from his cup, closing his luminous eyes. "Although it was Rex Lapis who created the laws, they are not meant to be set in stone. Humans must revise the contract as they see fit, so that it will not erode with the passage of time." Something makes you feel as though it's more significant to him than you know. Then, he smiles slightly. "But, just looking at the people leading the way in his absence, like you... there's no need for me to worry."
• 8:00: Dinner; Request Chef Xiangling
The Wanmin Restaurant, run by Chef Mao and his daughter, is a breath of fresh air. While the rest of Liyue is divided between the "Li" and "Yue" styles of cooking, Xiangling pays the conflict no mind. Instead, she's not afraid to be daring and experiment, blazing ahead without worrying about what others think. You can see some similarities between her and Keqing, but it's best not to mention it after that disastrous banquet they organized together...
"Had a rough day, didn't you?" Xiangling asks, her golden eyes twinkling as she hands you the steaming hot bowl. "Well, for you, I made sure to prepare your favorite dish! I hope you don't mind if I added a lizard or two this time- I'm kidding!" she adds quickly, upon seeing alarm flash across your face.
• 9:00: Return Home
After everything that happened, you're eager to collect the reports from your subordinates and head home to draft new revisions for Tianquan Ningguang to look over (and then, hopefully, get some rest). But as you're walking on the path to your neighborhood, you spot a little girl sitting in the grass, clutching her head. Alarm rises in your chest as you rush over to see what's wrong, and why she's alone- only to realize with a start that she's the child that returned from the dead.
"Thank you for taking Qiqi back to Bubu Pharmacy," she says, reading solemnly from her notebook (where the entire thank-you script is written). Even when you set her down, she's still reading the pieces of paper. "Will you tell Dr. Baizhu where I got lost? Please and thank you, again."
• 10:00: Sleep
In the end, you never did get to those revisions. You can hear your fellow Qixing scolding you in your head, but at least you got plenty of other things done; the well-oiled machine that is Liyue will still keep running on thanks to the tasks you accomplished today. Someday, even the adepti will have to acknowledge the ability of humans... you turn in your bed to feel the coolness of the other side. Speaking of adepti... the night air coming in... reminds you of... "Xiao..."
"I thought you were in danger," the adeptus huffs. The moment you said his name, you'd finally fallen asleep, but it still brought Xiao to you- balanced on the windowsill, hair waving in the breeze. "Still... I'm... glad that you're alright," he admits, glancing at you to make sure you're not awake to hear. "Rest well, bright star of Liyue." And then, with a sound like a sigh- or was it the wind?- he's gone.
#genshin imagines#zhongli x reader#childe x reader#ningguang x reader#beidou x reader#xiao x reader#genshin scenarios
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Hashira ft. Sabito as genshin impact players
aunotes : Bad grammar ahead! I didnt proofread it so be aware of brain damage. plus i initially wrote it at the 1.6 update
PART 1 : T.Muichiro, R.Kyojuro, K.Shinobu, S.Sanemi, U.Tengen
Muichiro : he probably would be uninterested at first. He's more to first person shooting game or anything other than this concept of farming or investing. So that's why when he saw yuichirou banging his fist on his desk, trying to get his fav character, he would simply just watch
"Fck this game, i've had enough,"
"But you havent finish your wishing things yet,"
Stares. "How about you give it a try mui. You might get the character i want,"
"You sure about that? You might get angry at me," "better than nothing. Now go go, get em you donkey,"
His first ten pulls on the game brings out a light we all want to see
"Eh is tha-" "AAAA A FUCKING 5 STAR FCK FCKFCK,"
Apparently, it was one of the luckiest wish yuichiro had ever seen so far
"OHMYFUCK, you GOT A GODDAMN KLEE, QIQI AND SUCROSE WTFF???"
"I think i get your fav character?"
"Yeahh!! More than that to be honest. I want klee but you brought me two more person," sniffles and cries "you're really lucky mui. You should try and play the game,"
"It's probably the system. I doubt im that lucky tho,"
Nah, he really is lucky. Apparently he wished for his friends and got what they all really wanted for so long
"Thank you for getting me the aquila favonia, muichiro,"
"It's nothing really. I just simply press the button. It might be the system that's giving you the thing you want when i wish,"
"But still, even if i were to wish, i can get really scared and paranoid over it,"
"That's bad. You shouldnt invest yourself that much in the game tanjiro. It's just a game,"
"Ehehehe, i guess so. But you're really good at it muichiro! If you download it, we can play together :D!"
!!!!
It took the word "play together" to get muichiro down on his knee for that game. Usually the idea of playing with your friends is not that interesting. So when tanjiro said that, you bet he's going to play it
Type of player
Extremely lucky it's not even real. He got a five star on the beginner's banner
Fast farming. He probably will complete all the quest and become an endgame player within one month
"I just wanted to play with tanjiro..." bashfully
He's really good with whatever he's doing. Attack combo, dodging, elemental reaction and all sorts of stuff. If he invest more of his time on artifacts, he would probably even one shot it!!
He's very lucky. Very
Kyojuro : he wouldnt even know the existence of this game. Well, he took a glimpse of it one day and boom, heart stolen. Maybe it was the fiery burning passion in bennett that made him play the game.
'oh wow!! What a determined young boy! Even though he has a very bad luck he still keep pushing forward! Amazing!!'
'I want to be like him'
Kyojuro's the type of player to read and pay attention to every single lore of his fav character. Bennett, oh my how he wish he could've had bennett in his team. Every wishes he made would make him a c6 bennett main if only barbara wont stop coming home
"I really like you barbara but i dont want you!! Thank you for the c6 though!! I promise to use you in the future but just-" he prepares to wish
"not NOW!!" Clicks
The highest con of bennett he had ever gotten is probably c1. One day the paimon's bargain shop offered bennett as their monthly character. Kyojuro had never been so excited over a game before. He usually perks up over academics and not this kind of thing. But it's bennett, the character he admires the most.
Unfortunately he couldnt get it due to low currency. He had never feel so sad in his life.
"I shall not give up. Dont worry, i will be a c6 bennett main!!!"
He will be a c6 bennett haver!!
Type of player :
Carefully reads every stories and listens to their lines attentively. He finds it amazing how the company spent their everything on this game. It amazes him. From the stories, lores and lines, he truly appreciates it.
Balance his team pretty well. He mains bennett so he doesnt need that much of a healer in his team.
Enjoys bennett's hangout very much!! He tried to not get him killed by the dungeon's trap but ended up having to sacrifice him which ultimately ends the route. He had never felt so down and guilty before.
Not much of a damage dealer. He prefers to play it in normal mode and doesnt care that much about one shotting monster.
He feeds his character three meals a day!! If only there's a sleep option, he would be sending bennett to sleep first before the rest.
Everyone loves his teapot
Shinobu : found the game while she's scrolling through the app store out of boredom. Initially she played it on her phone but due to the fps and a really bad ping, so bad that douma wouldnt find her interesting anymore, she finally downloaded the game on her pc where things has starting to get real
"Ara, shinobu chan, it's lunch time already. Come downstairs please,"
"Sis give me five more minutes, JUST FIVE PLEASE I NEED TO KICK CHILDE's ASS,"
"he's not going anywhere sweetie,"
"yEAHH BUT MY BP IS,"
'Bp?'
"DIE DIE DIE!!" Aggresive clicking intensifies
"Shinobu chan dont hurt the keyboard that much!!"
She got lucky on the beginner's banner too and pulled a 5 star along with bennett and noelle. Who's the 5 star? Diluc Ragnvindr in all of his glory. Shinobu benched him sadly. She prefers sword over any other weapon
"I mean he's cool i guess but i just really dont get that 'WOAHHH COOL' vibe from him you know?"
"then give your diluc to me! I really want him so bad shinobu chan!"
Deep sighs "yeah sure. You can have my c2 diluc mitsuri..."
Loses 50/50 to diluc everytime everyone would think she either is lucky or cursed by the amount of that man greeting him on the screen. She still bench him though, sadly
"Im begging you, give me jEANN THE GRANDMASTER I NEED HEALER iN MY PARTY TO DO ABYSS
Type of player :
Suffers a lot in the abyss because she just want the primos which is a valid reason to do because that's the only thing that keeps her going
She's a sword character main. She'll properly build every character as either support or dps. The support would be kaeya and bennett, and her main dps ayaka
Ayaka main btw
Honestly at some point she wanted to quit the game because of how tiring it is but then inazuma came out
Fragile resin = 0
Resin = 160/160 happens once in a blue moon
"i should probably control myself with the amount of resin i've used,"
"But i cant,"
Hates domain but always can be seen playing in there
Only coops if mitsuri is there
"So that someone can calm me down,"
"That's not a really good reason shinobu chan,"
Sanemi : dude probably know the game through obanai. He watched the latter play and finds it interesting on how high the numbers he dealt. He loves challenges so a game like genshin impact would probably satisfy his need.
"Obanai, are you hearing this shit?"
"What is it sanemi, im busy doing this event,"
"That loser giyuu is also playing the game,"
"Oh yeah i know,"
"YOU KNOW? WHY YOU DIDNT TELL ME??"
"i just know right after you told me,"
"...."
Sanemi's a meta but a mediocre one. He's meta but he doesnt show it that much. Probably buys welkin once in every three months or when he really needs it same goes with battle pass too. Honestly, he really just use his money when he really needs something
"Donno if my allowance can buy me a welkin so i'll probably skip,"
"But the next banner is zhongli's,"
"....."
"Ah fuck it," buys
My man cant dodge after he got zhongli. Its very painful because he used to studies the enemies movement in the early game so that he can utilizes it on the team but zhongli's shield is so tank he forgot that dodging exists
"Im gonna kill you and you and you hhahaahhaah just you wait im gonna shred all of yo- oh shit zhongli's shield. puT IT BACK PUT IT BACK ON,"
That one event where zhongli's shield plays an important role in the domain? Yeah, he felt like a god at that time. Even got his c2 on his rerun. Sanemi just really like zhongli because it kinda reminds him of himejima. Calm and wise and strong too. He looks up on that kind of person
"Zhongli sama, im in debt for all of your hard work protecting my team," bows and wipes tears
Type of player :
Spends a little money on the game to get what he wants
Zhongli main
Is that one player that has hoards of food but doesnt even use it
"Why need healer when you have zhongli's shield,"
Compare to kyojuro, he doesnt even touch the teapot because he finds it ridiculous and bothersome to create and design everything in it
Loves one shotting bosses and compares it to giyuu. He ask for advices from obanai regarding team build supports and stuffs
Doesnt do character's story quest. The key is full every single time. He unlocks it but leaves the quest like that.
"Ah shit, i accidentally activate the quest,"
His friend list only has obanai in it. Whenever people sent him friend request, he wouldnt hesitate, more like wouldnt care to accept it
They either have to coop in obanai's world or his world and after that, unfriend immediately
Says thank you after coop because he has manners and then completely disappears
"Zhongli main forever,"
Tengen : played since 1.0 this madlad has been staying loyal to the game ever since. Quite huge amount of money he spend on this game to be honest but he never gets broke by it. You can see his regular donation to the game by purchasing welkin and battle pass and some genesis crystal too. He's loaded with money, he didnt know what to do with it.
Uzui also plays honkai impact and guns girl Z so when he saw the unknown god at the intro , he was not surprised.
"Oh we have to pick between the siblings? Cool cool co- oh hi kiana,"
"Thats so herrscher of void hahahahah,"
Although he is a loyal fan to MihoYo games, he lost his composure when he saw the 1st genshin anniversary reward because what was that. Imagine getting billions of money and they give us this? Tengen cant believe this shit
"Oh god wtf was that reward, i have to draw to get a welkin and some primos?? aND I ALSO HAVE TO BE LUCKY? WHAT-"
"WHERE'S MY FREE MONA,"
In need of mona. He needs mona so bad he literally spent his money on standard banner to get mona but always ends up with qiqi. Not that he's complaining but he just wants the astrologist to complete the support team
"GOD QIQI YOU AGAIN? WTF WFF WTF-" converts genesis crystal to primigems
"Tengen, you should control yourself!"
"SHUT UP KYOJURO, IM GONNA WASTE MY MONEY TILL I GET HER,"
"yeah but my f2p ass is hurting with how many bennett cons you got," droops
Tengen sees potential in every character. Everyone has their weakness and strength so when kokomi comes out, he diss her at first but then realize maybe its a new way for a character. Adds the uniqueness if he may say so.
"Meh i dont care honestly. You guys should pull whoever you find nice or beautiful. Like me ;)"
"Who do you main uzui?"
"Beidou,"
Type of player
Spoils the storylines, lores, leaks A LOT THE REST HAVE TO BLOCK HIM ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Speed runs the game and has become an endgame player ever since but he still does his daily commission and helps people with domains and stuffs
R5 every battle pass weapon
Fights azhdaha for fun and to test out his characters rather than ruin guards and stuff
Mona wanter
Puts traveller as the pfp and doesnt display any showcase of his characters and namecards. You can only see his achievements and spiral abyss ( 12-3 ). Says its for fun and mystery
Throws a lot of pickup lines and roleplays a lot. Spams your chatbox messages with stickers and censored stuffs
Probably steals your ores and exotic things like violetgrass, qingxin and silk flowers
Screams in the chatbox whenever he saw Mona until Kyojuro had to calm him down
Changes signature every single time and sometimes put spoilers in it
In every survey he would complain "MihoYo where the fuck is my Mona,"
Doesnt heals his characters
#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#demon slayer hashira#kny hashira#tokitō muichirō#shinazugawa sanemi#shinobu kochou#uzui tengen#rengoku kyojuro#kamado tanjiro#kochou kanae#iguro obanai#demon slayer headcanons#kimetsu no yaiba headcanons#hashira headcanons
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because i had you [toni shalifoe]
toni shalifoe x reader
request #1: I kind of want a part 2 where the reader beats up Shelby 😂
request #2: THE ENDING OF THE WEIGHT :(((( CAN WE PLEASE GET A SECOND PART
i’m sorry it’s so late! my dumb self forgot to hit queue for both of these hahah!!
*not my gif*
Anger. Betrayal. Hurt. Pain. Heartbreak. All of it.
All of these fucking emotions were coursing through your entire body like you were some sort of evil monster on the TV show.
You’re not usually a violent person, but this time was different. You found yourself back at the campsite in a daze. And when your eyes finally landed on Shelby, you just couldn’t help it. In the middle of her conversation, you just threw a right hook to her face.
“Y/N!” Martha shouted.
Shelby looked back at you with fear in her eyes, grabbing a hold of her cheek, “She told you, didn’t she?” you didn’t say anything, but rather continued to stare. If looks could kill she’d be dead a million times over, “Y/N, we-“
“No! I’m done! I am done hearing all of these lame fucking excuses! Fuck you!” you yelled at her.
Leah looked at all of you, “Wait what happened?”
“Toni and Shelby hooked up.” Nora mumbled.
You snapped your head at the girls who watched the mess unfold. Toni finally coming out of the jungle, her eyes still bloodshot and crying, “You knew?” you asked Nora and she just nodded. All of the girls looked guilty except for Leah who looked like a teenager trying to do geometry, “All of you knew?!”
The girls didn’t say anything, but Leah who raised her hand, “I didn’t!”
You smiled at her gratefully before pointing a finger at the rest of the girls, “Why wouldn’t you tell me something like this?!” you ran your hands through your hair.
“They told us that we couldn’t.” Martha mumbled.
“Oh yeah, so it doesn’t fucking matter that one of your best friends just got cheated on because all that mattered was following their instruction!” you scoffed, shaking your head.
“We didn’t tell Leah because she knew she’d tell.” Fatin mumbled and both you and Leah rolled your eyes.
“Y/N please.” Toni pleaded and you just shook your head.
“I’m done with you! I’m done with-I’m done with all of you!” you screamed, storming away into the opposite direction.
Leah scoffed as all of them watched you storm away, “You guys are assholes.” she mumrumed before running after you.
Shelby tried consoling an upset Toni, but she pushed her away, “No I need space. Just leave me alone.”
Leah sat next to you on the wet sand. But she didn’t say anything, rather she just sat there in silence. You were grateful, you couldn’t bare to talk to anyone right now, but it was nice to have someone who cared.
Then everything came flooding through your veins. The anger, the sadness, the heartbreak just started pressing up again the dam of your eyes. All of the memories between you and Toni flooded through your mind. Meeting her for the first time at school, watching her basketball games, asking her out, falling completely and utterly in love with her.
And the dam broke. How could someone you loved whole heartedly just tear your heart into shreds? Sobs flowed throughout your body like it was natural. Your lungs started to burn at how hard you were crying. But Leah just pulled you into her lap, still not saying a word. You found comfort in her actions, nuzzling your head into her neck. She ran her fingers through your hair.
“Everything’s gonna be okay Y/N, I promise.” Leah whispered.
As days went by on the beach, you slowly started to forgive everyone. Even Shelby and Toni. Life was too short to hold grudges and somehow you broke down your walls a little for the girl who was there when you needed it most.
Toni watched as you slowly started to move on from her and onto Leah. She didn’t like it. She hated herself day in and day out for what she did. Just letting you walk away and not doing anything to try and save it.
She hated how Leah would brush your hair away from your face when you got too passionate about a topic. Or how you started to stare at Leah the way you used to stare at her. If there’s one thing Toni hated most it was that.
Shelby latched onto Toni’s arm as she averted her gaze from you onto the ocean. Toni looked at her and leaned it to kiss her, Shelby meeting halfway. Their lips connect and it’s soft and it’s sweet. But Toni can’t think about how different it feels and how badly she wishes it was you.
“I love you.” she whispered.
Toni didn’t know what to say, so it was a good thing Shelby wasn’t looking for an answer. She just deepened the kiss and everything about you just started to fade away. This relationship is like a drug, it’ll help you forget, but the next day it just hits back harder than ever.
There Toni was again, some other day watching you and Leah. You guys finally decided to make it official. She couldn’t help but think that she just lose the one good thing she has ever had.
“Earth to Toni!” Dot yelled, She snapped out of your thoughts looking at her, just humming in response, “Daydreaming about that lychee tree again?”
Toni just laughed emptily. She got up from her spot in the sand to run after and talk to you. But she ran onto Shelby on the way, “Hey where are you going?” her Texas twang coming through, she kissed her cheek softly.
“I’ll be back!”
She spun you around from where you were standing. Your eyes widened at the sight, but ultimately gained composure. Toni watched as Leah intertwined your fingers together, her face falling at the sight.
“Toni is everything okay?” She just shook her head and you turned to your new girlfriend, “You go, I’ll meet you there in a sec.”
“Are you sure?” Leah asked, her eyes wide with concern.
You nodded, “I’m sure.”
She smiled at you, placing a soft kiss onto your lips. You smiled into it, as you watched her walk away. But not without giving Toni a deadly glare.
“What’s wrong?” you asked, scratching your neck.
“Our three year relationship, what we had, is it gone forever??” she asked, her words flying by super fast, but you still managed to hear every word.
You sighed softly, looking at the sand, before looking back up at her, “Why is this getting brought up?”
“Because I’m still in love with you!” she said, managing to keep her voice down to where none of the other girls could hear it.
“What about Shelby?” you shook your head at the thought of her new girlfriend.
She shook her head in response, “I don’t love her like I love you.” There was a tense silence looming over the air, “Please Y/N. Just say something.”
“I think a part of me will always love you Toni. You were my first love and I forgive you and Shelby for what you both did.” you say before taking a deep breath, “But I love Leah and I think what we had is gone. Forever? I don’t know. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, I’m sorry.” you kissed her cheek softly before walking back to Leah.
At that point Toni knew that she’ll never love anyone else the same. Because she had you.
///
tag list: @hstoria @yourssincerelyj @shalifoestilinski @greysky22
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Frozen heart: A big bite
You encounter a hideous looking wolf and almost get your head chopped off. Someone familiar comes to the rescue.
This is the second part. I don’t know how to link things.
Warning: slight blood, mild cursing
You returned to the village after leaving the forest. You were greeted with good nights from the villagers. You politely bid them goodnight back and try to speed walk back to your house. The villagers were nice and all, but you rather not interact with people. Talking to people was not one of your specialties, so you rather not talk to people in the first place. Camilla was good at it, so you often leave the talking to her.
You finally arrived at your destination. The night was still young and there was smoke coming out of the chimney. You sighed in relief. Just in time to get some dinner. It smelled like you were having smashed potatoes and meat sauce tonight. You pushed through the door.
"What took you so long?"Camilla asked after she saw you coming through the door. "Took a nap, saw a nightmare, woke up, then walked back here," You gave a short explanation. You set your basket on the kitchen counter. "Good thing you made it in time. I'm almost done," Camilla said. She picked the pot with the smashed potatoes and walked toward the kitchen table. You quickly set the mushrooms in the bowl before walking to the dinner table. There was no way you were gonna miss eating fresh warm food. The mushrooms can wait.
You ate the food like a starved animal. It was good and your hunger only grew. Too bad you two didn't have any salt. It would have made the taste a lot better. "Oh, I met an elf in the meadow we were," You spoke out with food in your mouth. Camilla glanced at you with interest. "Oh really? What they were like?" She questioned. "It was an elf man, who plays the harp really well. His name is Maglor," You explained. "That's cool," Camilla answered. "But... we have a problem," she said. You frowned and stopped eating. "What kind of problem?" You asked. Whenever Camilla had that look. It meant something serious. "Your meds... we are starting to go low on your medical pills," She said. You frowned then dropped the fork on the table. You took out a container you always had with you. You opened it and saw five red pills and a description. "Shit..." You muttered. This was bad. Really bad.
You pulled out the description and another paper, the recipe to make the pill. "Can we find the same ingredients here?" You gave the recipe and the description to Camilla. "If we are lucky, but I doubt that we can find the same ingredients," She said. You mentally whined. This was a bad situation. You slapped yourself for forgetting something that important. Those pills are the only things that allow you to stay you and kept 'it' contained. Just thinking about it makes your skin crawl. Your thoughts came back to the nightmare you had at the meadow. You can still feel the cold touch of snow on your hands and the eyes that stalked you from the darkness. Your hands started to shake a bit. You have lived comfortably for five months that you almost forgot about your true nightmare.
"Hey," Camilla snapped you out of your thoughts. You turned your attention toward her. "How about we go check around if we can at least find the basic ingredients?" She asked. "Okay..." You nodded quietly. "We still have time, so let's not waste it," She said. She grabbed your hand, and with her thumb, she gave you gentle rubs to the back of your hand. You gently smiled and held her hand in return. You were lucky to have Camilla in your life.
"Wake up lazy!" Camilla woke you up. You gasped and sniffed the air. What was going on? Were the aliens attacking or what? What day is it? Wait, what year is it? Your brains were trying to comprehend what was happening. "Get up. We are going to a magic plant hunt," Camilla said, getting prepared to leave. You rubbed your eyes and stared into the void. Did you just sleep well? The question plagued your existence. You looked through the open window and saw a sunrise. Well, you are happy that you managed to avoid nightmares this time, but you hated how Camilla can wake up early and not be tired. "(Name)! Get up!" Camilla grabbed your leg and pulled you off your bed."Hm!" You hit the flooring with a thud. You whined and growled at the same time. Camilla, you bitch. She was a terrible person sometimes. And just when you had a sensitive moment last night.
"Tell why we are here again?" You questioned as you two adventure through the forest very far away from the village. "Because the kingsfoil is supposed to grow around here," Camilla looked around. "That's just literal grass. How does grass help in my meds? Are we gonna burn it like weed?" You started to question your life at this point. First, Camilla ruins your magnificent rare sleep, and now you're looking for grass. "It's said to be some kind of magic grass. I know it sounds crazy, but with you, I'm willing to take a chance," She explained. You groaned. "Unless... you can pop out Fire lilies out of nowhere," She then stated. You groaned louder. "All right, let's go find the stupid grass," You finally started looking around. A magical grass. That was ridiculous even for your standards.
You pushed your hands into a bush and looked if there was any magic grass under it. Nope. What were you thinking? You were about to pull back until something sharp prickled your finger. You hissed in pain and pulled your finger out of the bush. "Shit..." You muttered as you saw blood coming out of your finger. For a tiny wound, it was bleeding pretty badly. You put your bloody finger inside your mouth to stop the bleeding. What a bugger? You looked around elsewhere for the magic grass. You walked over to Camilla, who was checking out something at the roots of a tree. "Any luck?" You questioned. Camilla was about to answer, but a snap of a twig caught both of your attention. You both looked up to see... something terrifying.
A giant deformed wolf growled at you both. You and Camilla stood back slowly from the beast. It had an ugly brown hide, and its eyes looked like they were about to pop out of its skull. It was huge, and its teeth looked like they could tear you apart in a matter of seconds. What the heck was that thing? You and Camilla took slow steps back. You both tried; not to show any fear. You were, however, shaking from the inside. You have never encountered a beast like this one.
"That's one ugly dog," You stated.
The wolf beast let out a bark like a roar at you."Run..." Camilla said. You both made the run for it. You yelped when you heard a roar behind you and loud stomps. It was chasing after you, wasn't it?
"Parkour!" You jumped over a stone, the wolf beast right at your heels. "There!" Camilla pointed at a thick tree with a lot of branches. It looked like it could hold you two and keep you at the safe distance from the beast behind you. Hopefully.
You and Camilla ran toward the tree and with swiftness and strength. Started climbing. You managed to climb high enough just as the wolf beast tried to bite your arse off. You sat down on a branch and stared down at the angry wolf beast. The beast was clawing the tree and jumping with jaws open. It was determined to get you two. You glanced at Camilla, who sat on a higher branch. "What now?" You asked. You both were safe for now but still trapped with a wolf beast; that was trying to eat you two. "Let me think..." She looked around with a thoughtful expression. You stared at the wolf beast with a hopeless expression. It looked hungry and terrifying. Your heart was literally pounding next to your ear.
"You know what? I'm not gonna join you on a next magic grass hunt if we are gonna get hunted by a rabid wolf," You stated. Camilla was still working on coming up with an escape plan. "I think I got it," She finally said something. "Please do tell me, I don't wanna be wolf meal tonight-!" You yelled as you were suddenly pulled down off the tree. "(Name)!"Camilla yelled.
You fell from the tree and hit the ground with a harsh slam. You wheezed for air and held your aching ribs, which were literally screaming in pain. You coughed hard. The deep growl made you turn around and face the terrible wolf beast. It licked its mouth while staring at you hungrily. The bastard bit your leg and pulled you down. You started breathing fast as you crawled away from it. The wolf beast roared and lunged at you. You screamed when it hovered above you. You held your hands up grabbing its head, trying to prevent it from biting your head off. Its jaws were literally only a few centimetres away from your face. The teeth looked bigger from your point of view. They are terrifying, and you didn't want to get shredded by those. Even the breath of this beast smelled bad.
Camilla took out a dagger she kept for emergencies. She jumped from her branch toward you and the wolf beast. The beast howled in pain after Camilla stabbed it in the back. The beast got off of you and started buckling to get Camilla off its back. Camilla held on to her dagger, which was still deep in the wolf beast's back. You watched from the sideline as your best friend was riding a rabid wolf. You should do something, but you didn't know what. Camilla's scream caught your attention. The wolf beast chomped down on her arm and with a harsh tug. It pulled Camilla off its back. Camilla hit the ground with a grunt. Her arm was bleeding pretty badly. "Camilla!" You quickly stood up. The wolf beast growled and prepared to attack her. You gasped and with all your strength. You charged at the beast.
Camilla turned toward the wolf beast with a terrified look. It roared at her and lunged. She gasped and brought her healthy arm up to defend herself from the attack, but before the wolf beast could even touch her. You tackled the beast on the ground. You and the beast wrestled on the ground before it completely overpowered you, and you were once again under it, trying to prevent it from chopping your head off. "Son of a bitch!" You yelled, holding the jaws away from your face. Camilla tried to get up, but her injured arm made her stay put. She looked helplessly at you and the wolf beast. You stared at the wolf beast's jaws, and something familiar clicked within you. The sense of death. Were you really gonna die here? Was this thing gonna eat Camilla once it was done with you? The question haunted your mind and woke rage within you. You pushed your finger deeper into the wolf beast's skin. You stared into its neck, having an uncontrollable need to bite it and kill it. Pictures of blood and flesh flooded into your mind. The need to taste blood burned your throat. Your hands started to turn pale white, and a familiar feeling of cold zapped across you. A sound of a swish caught your ears, and before you even knew it; there was a long arrow in the wolf beast's shoulder. It yelped in pain. You felt the heavy body of the beast getting off of you. The wold beast stumbled on its feet. You looked over when you heard whines of horses. Riders on giant horses galloped to the area. The wolf beast growled at the sight of them. One of the riders had a bow and shot the wolf beast with another arrow. The wolf beast howled in pain before dropping to the ground. Dead.
You stood up and walked over to Camilla, who was clutching her arm. "Are you okay?" You asked, helping her up. "Well, I got bitten by a rabid wolf and obviously bleeding, but Yeah. I think I'm Okay. Hopefully, I'm not turning into a werewolf," She answered with a sarcastic smile. You both jumped back when a horse snorted near you two. A giant horse stood before you. "Who are you, and what is your business around here?" The rider demanded. He was a male with long hair and obvious pointy ears. He had a snappy look on his face. Are all elves this angry looking?
You were about to say something, but then a familiar voice spoke out. "At ease. These two are harmless," Maglor rode toward you three with his own glorious stallion. "Go make sure the rest of the warg packs has been taken care of," He said. "Yes, my lord," The rude elf bowed and rode away. Maglor then turned toward you and Camilla. Damn, you didn't know this musician was a royal one. "What are you two doing so far away from the human village?" He asked, mostly looking at you. "We were searching for kingsfoil, but then that creature attacked us," Camilla explained. "Thank you for rescuing us, my lord," She then bowed in respect. You stood quiet and watched. "It's not safe to move around here freely. Wargs have managed to break into these lands, so you should stay in your village for further notice," He explained. So those things were called wargs. Well, that makes sense since they were ugly as hell. Maglor was still looking at you. Stop looking at me! You yelled at him in your imagination.
"Would you like to get that wound treated, my lady?" He looked at Camilla. "No need. This is nothing but a scratch. I'm able to treat it myself. I think It's best for us to leave now so we won't disturb your hunting," She waved him off. And that's why you leave the talking to her. He nodded at her. "As you wish, but I shall have on one of my guards to escort you two safely back to your village, so no more attacks shall happen," He turned his horse around. "Thank you, my lord," Camilla said. He glanced at you. You two held eye contact for a moment before he chuckled and rode away. You frowned at him. Was he laughing at your situation right now? The nerve of that elf! Even if you got into a tricky situation and had to be rescued. He doesn't need to rub it in your face. "(Name)! Come on" Camilla called, standing next to a guard who Maglor graciously gave you for protection. You sighed and walked toward your friend. This magic grass hunt was a too big bite to handle. Even when it was just for the grass.
#silmarillion x reader#maglor x reader#The Silmarillion#maglor imagines#silmarillion imagines#middle earth x reader#middle earth imagines#elves#you#Maglor#warg#tolkien#supernatural reader#feanorioan
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Fics I Absolutely Adore and Would Recommend to Anyone
I’ve been meaning to do this for a long, long time, because I love reading fanworks and they deserve a lot of love and I love sharing things that I love.
Obviously this isn’t everything, and if it’s not on this list that doesn’t mean I don’t love it, it just means I forgot at this moment. I will be adding to the list and I remember things or come across it again. (Trying to sort through my bookmarks and subscriptions is like trying to catch a fish bare-handed.) I’m also gonna shy away from the one-shots, even though I adore fun one-shots, just for the sake of organization. The list would be super long otherwise, and those are best sorted by fandom. Here... Here are just some brilliant works I want to rant about.
Disclaimer: I say “recommend” because I would recommend these works, any time any place, but do keep in mind the story’s rating and tags and stuff. Not everything is kid-friendly.
There is absolutely no hierarchy to the list below. They are added as I add.
Fairy Dance of Death
by Catsy ( @fairydanceofdeath )
Fandom: Sword Art Online
Word Count: 660,282
Status: ongoing
「AU reboot of the entire SAO storyline, beginning from the premise that Kayaba Akihiko was obsessed with magic and Norse Mythology rather than swords and pure melee. As a result, he created the Death Game of Alfheim Online rather than the floating castle of Aincrad—a world in which player-killing is not a crime, and the nine player races are in competition with each other to reach the top of the World Tree. Multi-POV epic following the stories of multiple canon characters throughout the game.」
If Catsy wrote the SAO light novels and anime, SAO would be among the legendary series. Fairy Dance of Death has this amazingly simple premise of making Alfheim Online, the video game from the original series’ less-than-stellar second part, the game that the main cast becomes trapped in. However, it’s so much more. They took the characters and made them characters, and everyone gets ample spotlight—even background characters that normally wouldn’t receive a second thought. It’s masterful work, and to boot, there is a lovely frame of in-game mystery and player conflict. The organization is phenomenal and I aspire to world-build the way they did. Not to mention that stakes are so much higher and this series has ripped my heart to shreds more than once.
It has also brought me great joy, and even when I was in the dumps and didn’t want to read anything, a FDOD update made me pick up my phone and read when I otherwise wouldn’t have. It has a really special place in my heart. It updates once in a blue moon, but that’s okay.
Even if you have never seen a single piece of Sword Art Online, Fairy Dance of Death is still a great read. In fact, it’s the Better Version of SAO, if we’re all being honest, so I would especially recommend it if you hadn’t seen the original. Or if you have. The characters are given so much love and detail, to the point where Fairy Dance of Death’s characterizations are More Canon to me than Kawahara Reki’s work. It is just a beautiful piece of fiction, and it makes you question the depravity of man on levels that SAO shied away from.
Poisoned Dreams
by StrangeDiamond
Fandom: Genshin Impact
Word Count: 82,852
Status: Complete, with a complete sequel and more to come
「 Every night now, Diluc dreams of death. Usually Kaeya's. In between these nightmares his life is falling apart. It doesn't take Kaeya long to realize that this is something much more insidious than simple bad dreams. His brother's life and sanity are on the line and there is nothing Kaeya won't do to save him. Bonus chapter added.」
In a growing fandom from a new game, StrangeDiamond swooped in and characterized these bad boys so well I think it’s canon. It really breathes life into the video game lore, and it’s an A+ depiction of awkward sibling re-bonding post-Terrible-Happenings. Poisoned Dreams can be read alone with a basic understanding of Genshin storybuilding, but StrangeDiamond has an entire group of fics and oneshots set in the same headcanon, and they integrate them really well and subtly together. Not to mention that the narrative style is really clever with making you question what is real and what is dream (a big point in this story) and the inner voices of the point-of-view characters are very compelling.
One Word to Change the World
by AgentMalkere
Fandom: Fairy Tail
Collective Word Count: 43,988 (30 parts)
Status: probably never coming back
「 In just one universe, Ultear called out to her mother instead of turning away and the fate of Fairy Tail and the world was irrevocably altered. These are glimpses of a world where a single word made all the difference.
In other words, welcome to the Butterfly Effect - Fairy Tail style. 」
It’s a really cute canon-divergent, and while the series makes no attempt to re-write Fairy Tail, it addresses the major events and just snippets in between. It does a good job at giving the vast cast ample spotlight, but it’s also an easy read. It’s special to me because it was the series that made me really pay attention to Bickslow in particular, and I respect that.
Vigilantis Pretium Libertatis
by aradian_nights
Fandom: Attack on Titan
Word Count: 399,226
Status: Complete
「 Five years ago, an accident freed Eren Jaeger, Mikasa Ackerman, and Armin Arlelt from an experiment that forced the most extraordinary powers onto them. After five years of separation, of being raised apart to be heroes by a set of three very different adults, they meet again. As they uncover the truth behind their captivity they realize being free and being heroes are sadly nothing but an illusion. 」
This wrecked me.
I still remember when I read it. It was the beginning of 2018, and I had the flu and a lot of time on my hands, so I binge-read this. It was simultaneously the best and the worst thing I have ever done, because I resonated with it so deeply there were times I was just staring up at the ceiling wondering what was real. I empathized with the characters to a level I rarely achieve, and I empathize easily. I laughed. I cried. It was amazing.
I refer to this story in conversation to this day. It handled themes published authors have only dreamed of achieving. Heck, if Dani (the author) took out the names of the AoT cast and replaced it with new ones, it could be its own stand alone novel. It is worldbuilding from the ground up, and any fandom knowledge you take in with you is used against you like a knife leveraged against your throat. Yet, no one is out of character. It’s phenomenal. I would say more, but this is something I daren’t spoil for anybody, because you must be as wrecked as I was. Vigilantis Pretium Libertatis is a level of writing I achieve to gain as a writer myself. It is a masterpiece in every sense of the word.
Life in Glass Houses
by blueskyscribe ( @blueskyscribe )
Fandom: Transformers (Transformers Prime, Transformers: Shattered Glass)
Word Count: 119,900
Status: Ongoing (maybe, I hope)
「 No one would have thought Bumblebee and Knock Out were capable of getting along, but when they're stuck in a strange new world and their only hope of survival is cooperation . . . Yeah, they're probably doomed. 」
I could be biased because Knock Out and Bumblebee are two of my favorite characters, but it really is brilliant. Two enemies, stuck together—but not in an overly cliché way. It’s the right amount of cliché, with heaps moral conflict and inner conflict and sometimes just beating each other with a broom when no one is looking. It’s also a fascinating look into what makes a character the way they are in relation to the morals they possess, and how stalwart those morals can be. I can’t help but think of this story whenever I see or write a “role reverse” or mirror-verse AU. It does an excellent job at making all of the characters engaging and their own character, despite being in a mirror-verse.
Yesterday Upon the Stair
by PitViperOfDoom ( @pitviperofdoom )
Fandom: My Hero Academia
Word Count: 424,070
Status: Complete
「 Midoriya Izuku has always been written off as weird. As if it's not bad enough to be the quirkless weakling, he has to be the weird quirkless weakling on top of it.
But truthfully, the "weird" part is the only part that's accurate. He's determined not to be a weakling, and in spite of what it says on paper, he's not actually quirkless. Even before meeting All-Might and taking on the power of One For All, Izuku isn't quirkless.
Not that anyone would believe it if he told them. 」
As a person who normally doesn’t read these kind of minor canon divergences, especially at the time of reading, I frickin’ love this fic. In fact, I think YUTS gave me a deep appreciation for canon divergence fics. It’s MHA in all of its glory but it’s so much more, and even the parts that rehash canon give new light to the characters and their points of view.
I had read Viper’s work before and saw Yesterday Upon the Stair filling my inbox, and then I finally watched My Hero Academia. It was one of the first MHA fics I read and it still has a very special place in my heart. I recommend this series to people who don’t even watch MHA; in fact, there are some who might prefer the darker tones and themes of heroism vs apathy to the main series. Not to mention the writing style is phenomenal, and I aspire to be that good. It made me laugh. It made me cry. Yes, tears streaming down my face crying. It is the best ghost story I have ever read.
the Vantage Point Universe
by Aggie2011 ( @aggie2011whoop )
Fandom: The Avengers (MCU)
Collective Word Count: 1,032,651 (35 parts)
Status: Ongoing (just slowed down)
「 Six months after the Loki incident, Clint isn't adjusting well. When an enemy from his days in the Army comes back to haunt him, he'll be forced to face a part of his past - and to move past Loki, if he has a hope of finding his place with the Avengers. (First of a universe created to center around Clint Barton) 」
// description taken from first installment
Have you enjoyed the MCU, especially the first-era Avengers phase, but like me, were disappointed in the fact that Hawkeye was barely there? The VP universe is for you.
I honestly have a hard time remembering what was canon and what was VP. And if it’s not canon, it should be. The VP universe gave so much life to Clint and to Natasha and to all of SHIELD and even the rest of the Avengers. It’s just...so good. It’s completely immersive. It focuses a lot on Hawkeye and Black Widow from before the Avengers team-up, as well as after, and it all flows together so beautifully. Not to mention that I can be reading a mission that happened pre-series, so I know that they are going to live with all of their limbs, and I still sit there on the edge of my seat the whole time.
The OCs, minor as they are, that are created for this are also wonderfully done. I can’t believe Dan and Phil don’t exist in canon. Every character, canon or no, is engaging and dynamic, it is a pleasure to follow each point of view. The emotional turmoil is also handled very well, and the VP universe carries the MCU trend of humanizing its heroes and takes it so much further.
Ghosts of the Future
by Evan Stanley ( @evanstanleyportfolio )
Fandom: Sonic the Hedgehog
Word Count: comic (18 issues)
Status: ongoing
「 About 200 years in the future, Silver the Hedgehog is an average kid living in San Francisco... except for his strange and terrible dreams of a dying Blue Hedgehog, a Black Hedgehog, and mysterious gems called "Chaos Emeralds". What will he do, when these "figments of his imagination" appear before him in his real life? 」
// description taken from first installment
Okay so this is the only one that isn’t an Ao3 story, but rather a comic on DeviantArt. However, it is still one of my favorite stories. Even though it takes the commonalities of Sonic canon and turns them on its head, GotF really treats the characters well. There are enough familiar world elements to create intrigue, but it is set in a completely different take of the future, so there is ample opportunity for world building and being able to engage with a completely new thing. I wish SEGA put as much love in the series (namely the games, because the comics are *chef’s kiss*) and all of its possibilities as creators like Evan Stanley do.
The friendship and family relationships in GotF are so diverse and all so fantastic to witness. It’s a keynote example of the new hero and the old veterans, and both parties are active and trying their best.
Do not be alarmed by the starting art style. Sure, it’s rough around the edges at first, but then it gets better, and then it gets gorgeous, and then you’re left there so stunned that it looks like just life canon art. And then you could be like me, blinking slowly as my small brain finally connected that this Evan Stanley is in fact the Evan Stanley. GotF is an amazing fanwork, but she also draws and writes for the Official Canon comics (the IDW ones now) and that work is also phenomenal and should be supported.
Whirlwind
by Lynse ( @ladylynse )
Fandom: Danny Phantom, American Dragon: Jake Long, Miraculous Ladybug, Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja
Word Count: 75,556
Status: Complete
「 Jake should be used to ominous predictions by now. Randy should know better than to blindly follow McFist. Adrien should think twice before sneaking away. And Danny really should've expected something like this when he got that phone call from Jake. (Secret Quartet fic) 」
I have to start by saying that I adore all of Lynse’s fics, and I chose this one simply because it is one of my favorites. But it’s all fantastic, one hundred percent. I also love Mirrored, the sort-of prequel to this fic, but Whirlwind just has the chaotic pure bean energy that each of the shows bring and it foils against each other so perfectly. This is the epitome of the Secret Quartet crossover, truly.
All fandoms and all characters get ample love, and the way the reader gets to see just how badly the characters’ assumptions are going is positively wonderful. It’s so easy to fall into the “I know what’s happening and so do the characters” trap, but Lynse leaps over it gracefully and lands in greatness. The fic had me smiling like a maniac one minute, and feeling sorry for my babies the next. Wonderful. Simply fantastic!
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Devourer (open ending)
TW: GORE, slight lime,
It was pouring. The wind was howling woefully while it quickly rushed trought the trembling leafs of the Wangshu Inn’s Foundation of a tree. Even the sound of the other travelers, stopping for the night, was drowned by the white noise that rang trough-out the halls of the Inn, creating a terribly uncomfortable sensation of chaos. Xiao hated these kind of nights where the inn was bustling more than usual, and the fact that his only remaining comrade from the war was near him did not comfort him either.
He felt restrained almost rigid at the heavy awkwardness that strangled the room for the past two hours. Neither him or Yanay said a single word since they first reunited and Xiao’s mind was near overheating while trying to think of something to say.
His attempts where rewarded with emptiness and that frustrated him. He hated feeling like a kid, palms almost sweaty because he could not communicate with the only being that experienced the same pain he did, the only being who also had to witness the same horrors of war and was unfortunate enough to live on to tell the story.
Truth be told, they didn’t end on the best terms. Xiao blamed Yanay for years for the cause of his comrades deaths and vice versa, only to realize later that the person to blame was the misleading messenger between them. Yanay didnt in fact given the wrong orders, the messenger did and Xiao in fact did not leave his friends to die because he ran off, he was just too late to help.
Every since the truth emerged the both of them felt uncomfortably awkward next to each other, stuck between feeling a need to apologize and not wanting to open the wound that the sorrowful memories left behind. How easy it would be if stolen glances could be an actual form of communication. Yanay hearts raced while looking at Xiao, she felt a painful voide eating away at her heart while she looked at the broken man, a small fragment of what he used to be, almost like a living memory of the past, a guardian cursed to carry and reopen his old wounds each time he looked around him. Every single fragment of Liyue was a breathing reminder of what happened upon its lands all those years ago.
Yanay managed to find herself a new purpose, or more like the purpose found her. Ningguan found the resentful and nugatory girl and could not help but see potential in her, a woman that only needed someone to open her eyes. Ningguan offered her a job and a promise of a new start, a painfully docile life, she promised she would never have to suffer again and so Yanay followed her. Ningguan’s helping hand helped Yanay wake up, but only by her own will did she only find herself again, patching up her still bleeding old wounds hoping that one day they would stop…but they still bleed to this day.
Thats the difference between Xiao and Yanay is that Xiao accepted it, came to terms with the brokenness his whole existence represents, he got accustomed to the horrible misey that chews and spits him out every time he breathes, so accustomed to it to the point he doesnt feel it anymore. Yanay on the other hand could not, her mind still whispers menacingly to her, each time her eyelids tremble shut, the terrifying truth she had to endure. And each time, she fights it, she refuses it wholeheartedly, her resistance only making everything burn even more and even deeper.
“Im going to sleep” Yanay whispered and Xiao heard it, looking away and only giving a hum as a response. He felt bad, truly, he wish he could speak to her more, to apologize, to tell her that he can be there- but his savage heart wont let him, his prode chaining his mouth shut so he could not get himself hurt more. He tried to justify his actions by saying things such as ‘she wouldn’t care anyway’; ‘it would not help her so whats the point?’ But Xiao forgot to consider how much Yanay cared for such small things, how much she cherished in the back of her rotting soul the fact that someone thought that she deserved an apology.
Yanay laid down, her back facing Xiao, afraid of letting him see her composure falling apart each second she was next to him. And so with one last heavy puff of air her eyes closed. Xiao soon followed laying as far away as possible from her.
Xiao was awoken by the sound of the sheets being tousled around and as he looked in Yanays direction he could only see her figure hunched over. “Why are you awake?” He said in a gruff voice, slight annoyance tainting his tone from being awoken this early in the night. What he saw next made him freeze up, his blood turned cold and eyes froze open. Yanay looked back at him with tears in her wide eyes “Take them away-“ she barely whispered, her voice trembling along with the hands that gripped her sides in a crushing strenght.
Xiao felt like his world crashed down onto him, his veins thinning as he looked the the now seemingly vulnerable woman in front of him. His whole idea of who Yanay is was completely ruined, hes never seen her like this. So fragile and so… brittle- It was almost like someone’s possessed her body.
“You can eat dreams, right? Please-“ the girl cut herself short, her eyes scanning him frantically. She knew she was asking for too much, she felt it so deep in her bones that they felt like they might snap-. “I know im asking for too much but please- take them! Devour them until theres not even a single one that escapes!” Her voice was getting more and more unstable, her gaze running over the room back and forth, avoiding his apparent burning gaze. He just stared for a second, it all felt unreal to him. His breathing got labored and heavy as he saw the marking scene before him. A warrior turned to a broken maiden, looking for a kind of alleviation that only he could bring her.
Yanay took his silence as a refusal, her cheeks burning with embarrassment as she turned back to her hunched position. His gaze felt unbearably heavy on her back, almost quelling her to the point she felt minuscule. “Never mind- it was stupid of me to ask that. Please forget i ever said anything.” There it goes again, the voice Xiao was so accustomed to. He couldn’t help but feel a wave of disappointment wash over him.
Without rationality he reached out to her, his fingers grabbing onto her shoulder and turning her around a bit more harshly than what he meant.
Yanay jumped, her composure falling apart by his own hand. “Tell me what dreams im looking for..” his voice was awfully soft, so soft that it made a small electric string run up Yanay’s spine, a wave of ecstasy running over her body. But once the realization of what he really asked hit her, her eyes turned dark and cold. The kind of eyes Xiao used to have, so he immediately knew what he had to look for. “I will help you but-“ it was now his turn to look away in embarrassment, his face feeling way too scorching all of the sudden.
Yanay stared at him and thought of how she’s never looked at him in this kind of light before, he was absolutely breathtaking and innocent, not a shred of bad ill painted onto his face and so yet again she felt selfish for never trying to understand him- and now- here she is, asking him to do something that he most likely won’t enjoy. “Its gonna be a hell of a lot to take in, not only for you but me as well.” He continued and turned back to look at her. She almost gasped once her eyes met his, shes never seen them so close in order to see the true intensity they held. His gaze pierced trough her with such power that her breathy hitched. She only nodded. Xiao sighed, his fingers now trembling onto her skin knowing that whats about to come wont be able to be erased. Yanay’s perception of him was about to change even more.
“Turn around for me..” his voice was almost a whisper but still so moving that it made goosebumps rise on Yanay’s skin. She eagerly complied, her shoulders relaxing under his vexing touch. As she tuned around the sound around her began to fade, her attention fully concentrated onto Xiao. The next thing she felt was his chest pressed against her back, so tender yet so much pressure. She had to restrain herself from releasing a shuddered gasp once his body connected to hers. Her skin lit up, nerves trembling deliciously. Xiao felt it too, his eyes closing shut as he bit back a groan, his hands rose next to Yanays own hands, almost afraid of touching her thinking that shes gonna break. He was afraid that she’s gonna be repulsed by his touch but nonetheless he placed his hands in front of Yanay’s torso. “Grab onto one of my hands and relax into me.” He said again, his breath gently caressing Yanay’s ear shell.
Yanay’s lucidity began to dissolve, he was so close oh so close that if she turned around she could kiss him…to bad that will never be an option. After regaining a fracture of her rationality back, she complied to his words, her hand gripping one of his while she relaxed fully into him. His other hand gripped her jaw and moved it so that her face was right under his. Her eyes opened and looked at Xiao with such an irresistible innocence that he almost lost it. It was refreshing to see his comrade so complying and so sweetly vulnerable. Xiao leaned his head in, his lips barely above hers, so close that she could feel the heat coming from his face.
“Tell me when you if want me to stop..” he said against her lips before they met. Yanay’s heart felt like it was imploding, beating so hard and fast that it almost punched trough her ribcage but what came next took Yanay by surprise even more. Her limbs started to feel like putty, so soft and light. While her mind started to become intoxicated and slow, she wasn’t thinking of anything but Xiao and the overwhelmingly pleasurable feeling that started to spread inside her. It almost felt like and aphrodisiac, her body disconnecting from her mind, detaching so much that it almost felt like another person possessing her body. Xiao felt the affects too, his hand gripping Yanay’s jaw harder as he leaned his head in more, deepening the kiss, his tongue running hungrily over hers. While he knew that he was supposed to focus only on devouring Yanay’s horrible nightmares he couldn’t help but indulge in the sweet release that she was, a breath of fresh air. He wanted to claim her, to make her heal him with just her presence and maybe he could help her by erasing every parasitic nightmare that plagued her thoughts every night, but that wouldn’t be healthy and he knew it.
Yanay tried so hard to grip onto her lucidity but the more she tried the damned thing ran further and further away. Her flesh felt like smoldering cinder while her stomach felt like a void, it felt like feathers were running over her skin. She was so overwhelmed that she almost passed out from the electrifying feeling that he induced. Xiaos hand left hers and opted for her waist, digging his fingers in and dragging her torso impossibly closer to his. She was so delicious that it drove him mad, forget the damned nightmares he wanted to devour her. To rip her ignorant facade apart and watch her true face show itself from the ruins that he alone tore down.
His hunger was cut short when he finally reached the nightmares he was looking for and they were exactly as he expected. Corpses rotting on the muddy field while tired soldiers pushed on whith their last breath, people screaming and crying and the worst of all, the feeling of being helpless, powerless, the feeling of having to watch knowing you cant change a god damn thing.
He couldnt stand looking at the dreadfully realistic replicas of the past so he started tearing them down, devouring the from the most affecting ones to the lesser. He tore them down with each movemnt of his lips against hers and she couldnt have been more grateful. Suddenly his kisses turned from exhilarating to melting. His movements so soft and tender that Yanay felt like she was about to burst. She never realized how much she craved this feeling before and now- now she couldnt get enough of it, she was frightened that if he touched her like that one more time shed forever be bound to him, craving him each second of her existence. Her hand slowly moved to the nape of his neck, softly caressing his satin like hair.
Xiao couldnt do anything but melt under her gentle touch, his mind finally going at ease after all of these tormenting years he had to indure all alone. Afraid as if shed disappear from his desperate clutch, he held her closer, relishing into this intoxicatingly serene moment. Oh how he truly wished they could stay like this more…
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Overcoming Peaks
https://archiveofourown.org/works/29770722
I made an ao3 account for my Housamo fanfiction ideas so I can use the blog for requests, headcanons or even just ships and the ao3 account for my personal projects for things like my OCs that I wanna revisit one day. I’ll post this one both here and on my ao3 account so you all know it is me. I actually wanted to try to experiment with ship content more after talking to a few mutuals over the past few weeks.
~~
KenGun
~Gunzo thrusted his fist forward as he tried to break through Kengo’s defensive maneuvers but the rugby player had his hands met with Kengo’s palms each time. Again and again Gunzo tried to strike through but the martial artist had a response for every move. One deflection caught Gunzo off balance and he fell right on the dirt ground. “That hurt…” He muttered as he tried to get himself back up. Kengo let out a sigh as he stretched out a hand to the red head.
“Let’s take a break.” He suggested. The two shirtless torsos were covered in sweat and they huffed and heaved. Gunzo had approached Kengo earlier that week about training since they had the full weekend off from school. Kengo didn’t mind since he was always up for a new challenge but warned Gunzo he wasn’t an athlete like him. The rugby player understood that but still wanted to learn how to fight better. Kengo then suggested they go to the mountains to train even though Gunzo was partly reluctant to since Ashigara tended to train on the mountains as well, but quickly came around to the idea once the Summoner said he’ll make sure to take him to a different one. He didn’t even know why Gunzo was so reluctant to begin with since it was his idea to train…
Back to the present Gunzo extended a water bottle to Kengo which surprised him since the jock seemed a bit clumsy. “Hey! I-I can be helpful…! It’s important we stay hydrated during practice!” Gunzo snapped. “Besides our team manager kept reminding me about the water.”
Kengo snorted. “Knew it. Thanks though, I forgot too…” He took the water bottle from his trainee and took a big gulp. Gunzo couldn’t help but stare at Kengo in between sips and became immediately self conscious about his lack of body hair. Gunzo had also thought back to you and how you’ve been around Kengo a lot more lately. He didn’t want to admit it but he was jealous of Kengo’s strength and skill. But most importantly the rugby player was jealous of your classmate’s looks since you seemed to stare so compassionately at him. It really must be genetics… By this point Kengo took notice of Gunzo’s staring and asked “You good over there? Gonna burn a hole right through me if you stare any harder…”
“Gah!” He shrieked out in embarrassment as his face turned red. “S-Sorry! I didn’t mean to…!” The jock nervously sipped at his water while trying to avoid eye contact.
It was at this moment Kengo realized how shredded Gunzo was and how immaculate each muscle was trained. “For someone who doesn’t fight very often you’re definitely in pique condition.” The Summoner commented. “Guess those sports really pay off, yeah?”
“Oh, uh… I-I guess.” A compliment? From him!? Unthinkable! He’s the one in pique condition here! Gunzo’s face was burning beet red.
“So… why did you suddenly ask me to train you?”
Crap! Gunzo couldn’t just say to learn his secrets at wooing you, could he!? Of course not, he had to think of something. In his panic he had realized another motive for deciding to train as he had a thought about how Yasuyori always looked distant since coming back that day… “Actually… there is something.” Gunzo gulped. “Lately, I’ve been thinking that my strength alone isn’t good enough.” This piqued Kengo’s interest as he listened more. Gunzo’s panic suddenly became dejection. “When the seniors came back to school that day they… looked like they had gone through something tough… I guess it’s cuz I wasn’t smart enough to get it at the time but I started thinking maybe I’m just not strong enough to understand. I just don’t want any of my friends to go through that again. To do that I need to be strong like you. Then maybe-”
“You think I can protect everyone just because I’m strong?” Kengo asked with a serious tone in his voice. Suddenly he was looming over Gunzo which intimidated the athlete. “You think that if you get stronger it’s just gonna be easy?”
“N-No of course not!”
“This isn’t some game. I have to be strong. The strongest in Tokyo!” Kengo declared boldly. “Stronger than you, than the other guilds, than my partner-” He stopped himself when he saw how intimidated Gunzo was getting before taking a breath and calming down again. “I need to be able to tear down any wall that gets in my or my partner’s way.” The martial artist scratched the back of his head nervously while his face flushed. “I-I don’t usually talk like that…”
Despite his pounding heart Gunzo couldn’t contain his laughter. “You know, for a second there you reminded me of Ashigara.”
“Wh-What’s that supposed to mean, huh!?”
“Ah-! Uh, I just meant… you’re both um…” Gunzo dared not say scary for fear of being punched. “You’re both tough! That’s it, tough! You’re strong, j-just like him.” Kengo smirked and immediately pulled Gunzo into a headlock and noogied his red hair. “H-Hey!”
“So we’re both pretty strong, huh? Does this hurt more than when he does it?”
“Y-Yes!” Gunzo struggled against Kengo’s strength before being able to force the martial artist off him. Kengo was shocked by his trainee’s sudden rush of strength. Gunzo hadn’t realized Legion gave him the extra boost since they could tell Gunzo was being hurt. “O-Oh my gosh! I didn’t mean to do it that hard-”
Kengo shrugged it off and laughed. “Looks like you’ve got enough in you for a round two.” He rolled his shoulders and stood up to assume his defensive stance once more. “Come at me with all that strength you really got!”
Gunzo could sense his determination and decided to match him on it instead of being intimidated. “All right, you’re on! Here I come!” The two trained the rest of the day away til they were completely spent in the dead of night.
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Nick/Milo: A Whisper of Touch
CW: referenced refusal of food, starvation, fainting spells, referenced captivity, referenced torture, malnourished whumpee, shameless fluff, cuddles, referenced dissoci@tion
Masterlist
4 am gang wheeee somehow I ended up with 2k words lol I should probably sleep
---
Nick didn’t like hovering but...he really couldn't help it. He couldn’t help the knee-jerk reaction to throw his hands out to steady Milo whenever he swayed, or seemed off balance, or got that recognizable, pale look on his face. He didn’t like it because more often than not he got a flinch in reaction to the sudden movement, heart twisting in guilt. He was thankful for the instinct, though, when he actually needed it.
They always came out of nowhere, the fainting spells. One minute Milo would be fine, maybe even relaxed if they were lucky, and the next his knees were giving out, sending him crumpling to the ground with barely a second of warning. They were happening almost every day, which was what made Nick develop the protective habit in the first place.
He was at the bar on his laptop, desperately rummaging through deficiency possibilities when his boyfriend came into the kitchen. He quickly clicked off the tab and smiled up at Milo, sighing. He never took a single second he could lay eyes on him for granted, not anymore.
“Hey, love.” Nick hummed, observing Milo’s demeanor. He seemed relaxed enough, which was good. He still had a bit of that far away look in his eyes, though, the one that Nick despised with all his heart. “I was planning on making some pancakes, I’ll make the kind you always like. The one with peaches?”
Milo was quiet for a moment, fingers fidgeting with the oversized sleeves of Nick's hoodie he wore. He nodded, turning and reaching up to grab a glass from the dishdrying rack. That was one victory Nick was immensely proud of. He was getting his own water without asking anymore. Food, on the other hand, was something they were still working on. Nick knew better than to ask if Milo wanted food, he knew the answer would be a hasty shake of the head. It was better if he just...simply said they were gonna have food. It was a statement, not a question. Not something Milo really had the option of saying no to.
Nick ran a hand over his face, closing his eyes. It made him feel awful. He knew it was important to make Milo feel like he could say no, reassure the fact he had options and a choice, but this was the one thing he had to reinforce. He knew that if Milo was given the option to eat or not, he’d say no every time. They’d already tried that, thinking he’d eventually cave and say yes. He never did.
The sound of glass shattering jerked Nick back to attention, head snapping up. Milo’s eyes were wide, hands shaking where the glass had slipped out of his hand and shattered on the floor.
“Milo- don’t move,” He said urgently, scrambling to his feet. The last thing he wanted was Milo freaking out and getting glass in his foot.
“Nick- Nick I can’t, I feel-”
It only took Nick a second to realize what he was saying. He rushed over and kicked the glass out of the way as best as he could, figuring he was better protected in socks than Milo would be with bare feet. He wrapped his arms around Milo as if in a hug, feeling him go completely limp, as if someone had turned off some switch. He staggered with the sudden weight against him, a hand flying to the back of Milo’s neck to make sure his head didn’t fall back.
He carefully lowered Milo to the floor, setting his partner's head in his lap as he gently pressed two fingers against the side of his neck. He wasn’t sure it was necessary, but the small action was always a small reassurance to him. That's what kept him calm, every time this happened. He could reassure himself his partner was breathing, that his heart was beating. It felt stupid, but he couldn’t help himself. He needed that reassurance to cling to.
Milo keened softly as his eyes fluttered open, brows furrowing in disorientation. Nick ran a hand through his hair, cupping his face.
“Hey, you’re ok, love. There you go, I’m right here.”
It was routine now, at least for Nick. He hooked his arms under Milo’s knees and torso, carefully picking him up. The glass he could take care of in a minute. Shaking fingers clutched at his shirt as he lowered Milo onto the couch, but were easily pried away to give Nick room to pull a blanket over him. He slid his hand to the back of Milo’s head, thumb rubbing softly against skin in a soothing motion. He stayed crouching by the couch, humming reassurances, coaxing Milo through the waves of dizziness and confusion that always lingered after he fainted.
It made Nick feel frustrated, how helpless he was to help. The only thing any doctor would tell them was that Milo needed to eat more, needed to rest more, whatever. Nothing he hadn’t heard a hundred times. He knew they were right, but it just made him feel guilty, like he wasn’t doing enough to make sure Milo recovered. All of this felt so out of his range of capabilities.
“M..msorry, sorry-”
“Hey nothing to be sorry for,” Nick reassured, pressing a kiss to Milo’s forehead. “You don’t have control over that, shit happens.”
Milo reached a shaky hand out, and Nick quickly laced their fingers together and squeezed lightly. The deep scars around his wrists were still pinkish, not yet fully paled yet. Nick found himself staring at them, thumb brushing lightly across the raised, healing marks.
“He almost never took them off,” Milo whispered, and Nick's gaze darted to him, brows furrowing with concern, then horror. Milo just stared distantly, eyes fluttering shut as he took a slow, deep breath. “They were always so..cold, and tight. They only got warm when..when I pulled at them, and they bled.” He nodded to his wrist, pressing his lips together. “Those are my fault.”
“None of this is your fault.” Nick insisted, leaning close. “None of it, you hear me? You can’t blame yourself for something like that.”
Milo just shrugged, eyes opening. They locked gazes, both of their expressions soft, but grieving.
“I forgot what you looked like.”
Nick’s heart dropped at the statement, tears filling his eyes. He brought Milo’s hand up to his lips, holding it tightly, giving Milo the space to talk. His hands were cold, and he couldn’t resist the urge to breathe on them slightly, hoping to do at least something to ease his discomfort.
“I..I forgot what your face looked like, after a while. It all got really blurry, I just- I couldn’t remember. I remembered what you smelled like, what your voice sounded like; I heard it when I slept sometimes.” A tear slipped down his cheek, a haunted look in his eyes. “But..I couldn’t remember what you looked like, and it terrified me. I was so scared...scared that I would never see you again, that I had forgotten it forever.”
Nick didn’t even know what to say. He wanted to tear whoever he did this to Milo to shreds, what he could do with just a few minutes with the bastard…
“When I saw you..” Milo continued, grabbing Nick's attention again. “I thought I was dead. At a certain point I kinda just- gave up on the idea of ever seeing you again, I guess. I dreamed so many times about coming home...I still don’t think it's real sometimes.”
God, what do I even say to that
“I’m real,” Nick murmured, running his other hand down Milo’s back, loving the way he smiled slightly, a little lopsidedly. “It's all real, and you know that because if it weren’t, I wouldn’t be here, right? Can’t dream about me if you don’t know what I look like, silly.”
Milo huffed, rolling his eyes. “Guess not, then.” He squeezed Nick's hand before pulling close, pressing their lips together. Nick was a little taken aback by the move but quickly relaxed into it, sighing. He pulled back after a moment, heart warming at the sleepy grin on the others face, the way his face had a bit more color to it amongst the pale skin and freckles, features that could never be overshadowed in Nick’s eyes, not even by the scars over the bridge of his nose and cheekbones. This was the clearest Milo’s eyes have looked in ages, the most aware he’s seemed.
“Never forgot what that felt like,” Milo hummed, letting his head fall back on the couch. His neck was exposed to show the curve of his shoulder, scars wrapping around his throat, a few disappearing below his collar. It didn’t stop Nick from wanting to kiss every inch of him, not ever.
“Me neither,” Nick smiled in return, kissing Milo’s hand again. “You ok here if I go clean up that glass? Need to make some breakfast, too.”
“Mhm,” Milo hummed, nodding. “Can we go back to bed after? I know you didn’t sleep, I saw you on your laptop.”
Even now Milo didn’t miss things like that, it seemed.
“Yep, I don’t have any classes to worry about. We can spend the whole goddamn day in bed if we want.”
Milo smiled, curling up and watching Nick stand. He made his way back to the kitchen, grabbing a dustpan to sweep up the glass on the floor, dumping it in the trash. He made something just for the two of them, some bacon and pancakes and eggs and that gross vitamin c juice Milo always drank without a single complaint. The sun was up now but he knew nobody would wake up for a while, it was Saturday which meant absolutely nobody went to sleep at a decent hour the previous night. Half of the house probably wasn’t even here.
He passed Milo on his way to take the food to his room, and he almost would've guessed he was asleep if it weren’t for the way he picked at a string on the couch, fidgeting idly. Nick smiled, quickly setting the plates down on the desk beside his bed before going back for Milo.
“You ok to walk?” He asked, watching his partner warily. Milo nodded, pushing himself up on his elbows to sit up, eyes tired but blessedly aware. Nick helped him up, watching him closely for any signs he’d pass out again. He didn’t, able to walk back to their room with little assistance and crawl back into their bed. It was nice to call it theirs again. It felt all too empty when Milo was gone.
Nick handed Milo his plate, crawling up onto the bed and sitting cross legged next to him with a soft smile. He ate slowly but he was eating, which is all Nick could ask of him. The hum of the air conditioner filled the room, a soothing sound to fill the silence as they ate. Nick matched his pace, only finishing his own food when Milo did.
“You feeling ok?” He asked as he set the plates aside, watching Milo pull the blankets up around him. Nick didn’t hesitate to join him, the two cuddling up together under the covers.
“Yea, just tired.” Milo said quietly. They were a tangle of blankets and legs, foreheads pressed together. They were warm, perfectly content to lay together under the heavy covers. Nick hummed happily, lacing their fingers together and holding on tight, happy to have his partner close.
“I never want to forget what you look like again.” Milo whispered. Nick squeezed his hand, leaning in closer, their chests pressing together. “I stay awake, sometimes, just watching you sleep. I’m scared if I go to sleep you’ll be gone when I wake up.”
Nick pressed a kiss to his forehead, then his cheek, down to his jaw. He wrapped his arms around Milo and pulled him to his chest, a hand running up the back of his neck up to his hair, guiding his head to rest against his shoulder as they closed the space between them.
“I’ll be right here.” Nick promised. He felt the way Milo melted against the touch, his curls soft underneath Nick's fingers. “I’ll be right here when you wake up, you won’t ever wake up back there. Ever.”
Milo nodded against his shoulder, taking a slow, deep breath. He hugged Nick back, burying his face into the crook of his neck. He could hear the sound of the pantry door slamming closed, the floorboards creaking, a fridge opening. The house was slowly coming to life in the late morning, but the pair only focused on each other in those quiet moments. They both let themselves drift somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, just aware enough to be aware of each other. Warm breath against skin, the occasional kiss against the shoulder or jaw, a hand sliding over a hip to pull the other close. It was all a whisper of communication through touch, something neither of them shied away from. It was a whisper that spoke louder than any words they could say, sometimes.
I’ll never let you wake up somewhere you’re scared
--
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Beautiful Trauma by Pink with Nishinoya, please!
Woop yess yeah angst is coming your way.
Okay I’m taking a break from matchups lol they’re getting harder to do because I do like a ton of them every day and like they’re GRUELLING HAVSJSGS they’re gonna be back but like I’m gonna focus on writing scenarios and maybe hcs for a bit then get right back to the matchups:)
Btw @artsamber I’m sorry I genuinely don’t know how marriage fics work and I don’t really see Nishinoya as someone that would lose interest after marriage, but I’ll try my best to incorporate your ideas into this fic!
(I’m legit trying my best to keep this as non explicit as I can because I’m keeping these for future uses if my English teacher ever tells me to write romance or something I can just pull up my blog and use scenarios-)
Beautiful Trauma// Nishinoya Yuu x Reader
Word count: 2000+
Warnings: Mild swearing
Nishinoya didn’t like feeling guilty. He hated the falling sensation he would get whenever he lied. The thought of having to hurt someone disgusted him. He was mostly an open book, it was as if you could read him word for word, everything expressed in those goofy facial expressions. He didn’t ask for much. He wanted someone who he could tease. Someone he could trust with his inner conflicts. Someone that could make him feel appreciated. Out of all the things however, he craved for excitement the most. Excitement that you weren’t able to give him. He loved you, he definitely loved you. But in a couple of years’ time, the spark that used to ignite whenever he looked at you, touched you, kissed you, it was gone. He tried to ignore the emptiness, grasping at any opportunity he could to regain those feelings. Going on more dates, inviting you to all his matches, bringing you over to his house every single week, he did everything he could Nothing worked. He no longer felt special. He had fought so hard for you, everything was all rainbows and unicorns, until it wasn’t. Until you became just another person for him.
You still remember the exact moment you realised he had changed. It still goes through your mind till this day. It was New Year’s Eve. The two of you went out to watch the fireworks at midnight. His hand felt cold that night, not a trace of the usual warmth that embraced your hand perfect to be found.. It felt stale and frigid. He didn’t initiate his usual weird chatter, nor did he make an effort to talk to you at all. Every other couple at the venue was doing some lovey dovey crap, giving each other bone crushing hugs, or laying in their loved one’s lap, occasionally sneaking a kiss or two. Seeing that, you tried to sneak in some romance into your date. You turned towards him, leaning in and giving him a kiss. Your heart fell when he stayed still, not reacting to anything. He didn’t kiss back, he didn’t hold your hand, he didn’t even make an effort to play with your hair. It was as if your kiss had absolutely no effect on him. You tried again, letting go of his hand and cupping his cheek. Still nothing. You pulled away, slightly disappointed at the lack of attention you were getting from him as he stared at you with bored eyes, dragging you down to sit next to him. This should’ve been a sign. A sign that something was wrong. However, you brushed it off. Maybe he was just feeling a bit sick that night.
The lack of attention went on for months. You would have to ask him out every week, just to be able to spend any quality time with him, and most of the time he’d decline, using the same three excuses every time.
“Sorry, I’m busy with volleyball.”
“Feeling a bit tired today, I’ll pass.”
“I have schoolwork, can’t come.”
The rare instances where he doesn’t decline your request, he’s completely indulged in his phone. As if there was something that was better than spending time with the one he loved that was on that godforsaken monitor. You would try poking him, shaking him, nudging him, everything you could possibly do to gain his attention. In return, all you’d receive was an irritated groan or your hand being picked up and put back onto your lap, followed by a wave of depression hitting you by surprise as he continues to scroll mindlessly through his phone. You were tired of this, your gut telling you to just break it off with him. However you were hopeful. Too hopeful. You continued to cling onto the last shred of hope you had in that attention lacking heart of yours, praying that by spending enough time with him, he would go back to his old self. The Nishinoya that she fell in love with. The one that gave her kisses on her cheek, squeezed her hand whenever he held it, cried with her during hard times, pushed her on the swings in an abandoned park. She continued to look forward to a day, where he would once again greet her at her doorstep before walking to school together. That day never came.
Half a year. Half an entire year of hiding his inner conflicts. Nishinoya was done keeping it in. He had to tell you one way or the other anyways. He was sick of seeing how disappointed you’d get after he ignored you time and time again. He was drowning in his own guilt throughout the never-ending six months. That pit of regret that dug itself in his stomach made him want to just rip everything to pieces and scream into a void. He didn’t want to see you like this, but quite frankly there was nothing he could do. His feelings were slowly fading, and they weren’t coming back. Everything that seemed bright in the world went dull as he pondered over his own emotions in his room. Letting out a feral yell, he sent all the books and papers on his desk flying to the floor, ripping some up and stomping on them. “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? HUH? I CAN’T DO THIS TO HER! I can’t... I can’t hurt her like that.” He grabbed at his hair, pulling at it as he slid down the wall hopelessly, choking out strained sobs and screams as tears poured from his eyes. He was beyond frustrated. He definitely didn’t want to hurt you by telling you how he felt, however hiding it wouldn’t do any good either. In fact, the longer he hid it, the more affected by it you would be. He had made his mind. He was going to tell you the truth the next day, but at what cost? He was scared, definitely. He could already picture what would happen. He would tell you his conflicts, and you two would end it there, with both of you crying and leaving for different classes. He would probably do terribly during practice, maybe even skip it for once, and you would probably go home and cry. It would hurt him to tell you, but it was for the best.
You weren’t feeling ecstatic the next day, although you should’ve been. In your bag, was a framed polaroid, along with a tiny note attached to it, stuffed in between your lunchbox and textbooks. You made sure not to let the note crumple up. That was something important. Your friends teased you about it, calling you a hopeless romantic, lovestruck schoolgirl, and a variety of different romance tropes. All you could do was nod and laugh dryly, and pray they didn’t see the frown on your face throughout the whole day. During lunch, you scanned the cafeteria for your partner, finally landing your eyes on his tiny figure. He was in the very back of the lunch line, scrolling through his phone, again. You took a deep breath, grabbing the polaroid and treading towards him. “Nishinoya, can I talk to you alone for a bit?” The boy’s eyes glanced towards you, before he cracked a fake grin. “Uh sure thing.” You pulled him out of the lunch line, guiding him to behind a random stairwell, leaning on the wall with the framed photo in hand.
“So, for our second anniversary, I made you this. I hope you like it.” Nishinoya froze, before his eyes widened, his mouth slowly opening. “I- I’m so sorry (Y/N), I completely forgot about this! Oh lord I’m so dumb oh god-” He stopped for a moment. This was the perfect opportunity to tell you. You two were finally alone, he could just get it done and over with. He thought about it a bit more. Would it be too much for you? He had already forgotten about you guys’ anniversary, whilst you made an effort to make him something. He decided against it. He would do it another day. “Yuu, it’s okay, Don’t worry about it. Just read the note when you get back. I gotta go eat now, see you around.” And with that, you made your way back to your table. NIshinoya’s heart clenched. He felt terrible. He really hid the fact that he was losing interest from you for months, whilst you continued to believe that he loved you with his whole heart. He stared at the polaroid in his hand. It was from when you two had your first date in a pink cafe. That was the first time he ever kissed you in public. Inside of the frame, was a piece of paper folded into a tiny square. That was the note you were talking about. He let out a heavy sigh, returning to the cafeteria as well.
The note was now in his hands, still folded in that neat square. When school ended, you didn’t wait for Nishinoya like you usually did. Instead, he saw you walk away with another friend, who was patting your back as you were hunched over slightly. His heart dropped. Thank the lords he decided not to tell you today. Polaroid frame in hand, he examined everything. Maybe there was some hidden message behind this. Maybe she wrote something on the back of the polaroid too, instead of just writing a note. He took a few minutes to just observe the framed photo, before giving up and shoving it back into his bag. There was nothing weird or suspicious about it. It was just a normal polaroid. He walked home alone, not waiting for Tanaka. He felt like absolute shit, head hanging low as he walked towards his house, hands in his pocket. The second he got to his room, he threw everything to the floor, scrambling for the framed polaroid and pulling out the untouched note. He opened the note up, to see a neatly written message. It wasn’t just a note, it was a whole letter.
Dear Yuu,
I expected this already, so don’t be sorry. I knew you were going to forget. You’ve changed, everyone could see. Because of that, there’s something I need to tell you.
I’m breaking it off here.
Nishinoya’s eyes widened as he gripped the paper tightly with his now shaky hands. “No way....”
I know you might be confused as to why I’m doing this. But hear me out. I can see that you’ve changed. For the past months you’ve been uninterested. You haven’t been like the old Yuu since New Year’s Eve.
I love you, I do, but I can’t bear to see you force yourself into continuing this facade. It’s been two years, this isn’t a surprise to me. I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay with me against your heart’s desire. I’d rather you be happy with the relationship. Please. Let’s just end it here. It was beautiful while it lasted, but now it’s just trauma for me. I hope this anniversary gift is good enough. Goodbye.
Love,
(Y/N)
Tears streamed down the boy’s face as he re-read the letter again. Nothing changed. You had said what you said and Nishinoya felt terrible. He should’ve known you would be able to read through him. He should’ve just told you from the start, instead of keeping it in like a coward. Putting the letter down, he grabbed his bag, and threw it across the room, letting it land to the ground with a thud as his laptop and his textbooks spilled out. “NISHINOYA YUU WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?” Ah, of course, it was his mom. “NISHINOYA STOP MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!” The short boy ignored her, continuing to let his anger out. He threw all the books from his shelf onto the wooden floor, ripped up pieces of homework, and threw the polaroid to the ground, jumping on it and cracking the glass. He wasn’t mad at you. He was frustrated with himself. He was furious at his own cowardice, that led to him breaking your heart. “Why? It shouldn’t have been like this! I should’ve apologised to her before any of this happened! We might’ve had a chance!”
He continued to massacre his bedroom, throwing everything at his wall and breaking anything he possibly could get his hands on. His legs felt tired from stomping and jumping and his arms ached from ripping everything. He fell back, landing on his ass as he cradled his face in his hands, sobbing uncontrollably. He wanted to lie to himself. Tell himself there was nothing he could do about it. Convince himself that he had already tried his best.
But deep down, he knew that he just didn’t try hard enough, and now, the two years you guys spent together, where he loved every single minute of, was nothing but a beautiful trauma.
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Okay this is actually so bad I’m sorry idk I just hate this with a passion and I think it’s terrible but I hope you liked it🥺😔💕
References:
Beautiful Trauma lyrics on genius
Comments on the music video
My overanalysing brain
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#haikyuu scenario#haikyuu headcanons#haikyuu angst#haikyuu nishinoya#hq#hq x reader#hq angst#hq scenario#hq headcanons#hq nishinoya#nishinoya yuu#nishinoya x reader#nishinoya scenario#nishinoya angst#anime
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The Last Slide: Ch. 4
here we go, @feeisamarshmallow, with the final part. come talk to me about it if you like! :)
Read on ao3
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Chapters: 1 2 3 4
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Jake’s head is spinning from all these revelations.
He’s still at the old apartment.
He’s tied to a chair that isn’t theirs.
The door opening earlier must have been Mr. Davies coming back to lock up the place.
If it was Amy, he doesn’t dare to think his captor got to her.
His captor.
The smell of fresh paint tickles the inside of his nose.
He hopes he won’t have to sneeze because that would hurt. A lot.
His ribs ache with every breath he takes, the pain in his stomach makes cold sweat break out over his neck and back.
He was alone in the apartment, speed-reliving his favorite memories one last time, when… The large bump on the back of his head clues him in on the rest.
“I know you know what happened,” Darius hisses through clenched teeth. “How did he do it? What’s his fucking plan?”
Jake has so many questions himself. For a moment, he was shocked to see Erickson, the pool attendant, loom over him dangerously. But then it began to make sense, in this weird way. His detective gut felt it – along with another bolt of pain. What he misses now is the rest of the puzzle. But it seems like Darius is searching for it as well.
“Dude,” Jake starts, which is probably a mistake, but he can’t stop himself and continues. “Let’s calm down and review some facts. I don’t know what you know. And in order to tell you what I know, I have to know what it is exactly that you want to know. You know?”
Darius looks as if he’s unsure if Jake’s making fun of him. The shadows cast on his face by the lamp make his features appear eerie, his skin pale, eyes hard and almost black.
“So,” Jake continues, “I guess you want to know something about the case. Right?”
“Did I not make myself clear?!” Darius’ eyes glisten angrily in the light.
Jake bites his lip. Obviously, the communication here isn’t flowing. He’s talking to a wall.
“How. Did. Kirkwell. Do. It.” The other man spits with every word.
“Ah, see, now we’re getting somewhere. You want to know how your boss did… Did what, exactly?”
“Don’t play dumb with me, cop!”
Jake is almost surprised not to be called the animal version of the term. Kudos to the criminal? “Okay, Kirkwell did something.” If this madman isn’t helping him, he’ll have to live-solve the case, then. “Kirkwell did something… And it has something to do with the Pearson murder.”
Darius narrows his eyes. “Yes, Kirkwell did it.”
Eyeing the knife in Darius’ hands, Jake raises an eyebrow. “You seem to know more than I do. Do you want to talk about it–”
“SON OF A BITCH!”
Jake winces when Darius swings his knife and rams it into the chair, only inches from his hand. His heart does a loop. “Careful, now…”
The other man isn’t listening. He starts pacing through the empty former bedroom, hands clenched into fists. He kicks at the wall and hisses a pained scream.
The windows are dark. Some kind of foil has been carefully draped from corner to corner. No light from under the door, either. Jake can hear the traffic outside. If he screams loud enough, maybe…
He startles when the knife is pulled out of the chair and he instinctively flinches his fingers away.
Darius cackles. “You afraid, huh?”
Something about that laugh deeply worries Jake. He’s dealing with an unstable person. He doesn’t know if he’s Pearson’s killer or about to become his own.
“You know who killed Lars Pearson,” he reviews, carefully watching the man’s reaction.
The cackling dies down. “Yes.”
“And you say it was your boss, Sam Kirkwell.”
“That’s what I just told you!” Darius roars, and suddenly he’s right in front of Jake, pointing at his face with the tip of his knife. Jake goes cross-eyed watching it shake in Darius’ hand. He gulps. “I told you this afternoon that it wasn’t me! But you didn’t listen!”
“I’m listening,” Jake gets out, still eyeing the knife nervously, “I’m listening right now. Please tell me everything.” If only he had a recording device on hand…
“Ohohooo, no.” The knife wanders to his cheek, then down his face, underneath his chin, settling on his throat. The flat side of the blade sits cool and sharp against his skin. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, you filthy little pig.” (Ah, there it is.)
An endless minute passes before the knife retreats when Darius stands upright. Jake releases the breath he’d been holding.
“You don’t believe me. You want me to tell you how I killed the motherfucker that stole my wife from me. Oh no, I have to disappoint you here. Because I didn’t do it. He just wants you to think I did.”
“He?” Jake asks. “Kirkwell?”
“Are you deaf and stupid?!” Darius snarls. “He messed up, though. He thinks he’s so smart. But he messed up.” He lets out a sudden loud laugh. “He messed up!”
“How so?”
Darius spreads his arms and yells, “I wasn’t there!” His arms sink. “I wasn’t there…”
“Yes, we know,” Jake says in an attempt to convince him he’s on his side. “We checked with your brother and the parking lot’s security footage. You have an alibi.”
“Exactly!” Darius leans forward again, so close to Jake’s face that he could count the bags under Darius’ eyes if he had the concentration for it. “Exactly, exactly! Which is why he’ll think of another way to pin it on me! And in order to figure out what, I need to know how he killed him. And you,” he jabs his finger into Jake’s aching chest, “have the information I need.”
“Um… If I tell you, what will you do then?”
Again, Darius looks at him as if he’s particularly slow-brained. “Figure out how he’s gonna frame me.”
“Yeah, I clearly understood that. I meant what you plan on doing after that.”
The man opens his mouth, closes it, huffs. “And why would I tell you that?”
“Because I want to make sure you don’t do anything you’ll regret. Murder means more years in prison than kidnapping and physical assault–”
Jake completely forgot about the knife, or the fists. One lands a hard punch in his middle and he gasps for air, hunched forward.
A loud knock prevents the second punch from flying. Simultaneously, Jake and his captor look up, one moving quite a bit more slowly than the other. Before he can open his mouth, the knife is back at his throat, but this time it’s not the flat side of the blade. He doesn’t dare move one inch.
“Not. A. Word.”
Another knock, more insistent than the first. Then, a voice. Jake’s heart leaps when it reaches his ears. “Hello? Anyone still here?” A pause. “Jake?” Another pause. Jake wants to scream, wants to dip his chair so he’ll fall over, wants to make any noise possible. But he can’t. “Mr. Davies?”
Darius’ breath is on his face. It’s hot and moist and uncomfortable and he makes a face.
It takes a few more minutes of silence until the knife and bad breath disappear.
Jake’s heart falls. She’s gone. Amy’s gone and she has no idea he’s here.
“Now talk.” The knife lightly taps his knuckles, leaving tiny scratches on his skin. “I looked you up, Detective Jake Peralta. I know who just knocked on the door. I know about your career, your knack for solving difficult cases. I also know about Amy Santiago’s talents. There’s no way either of you hasn’t already solved this one.”
“Well, you haven’t told me about your plans yet, so I won’t–”
“I know about little Mac, too.”
Jake’s fingers dig into the arms of the chair. Any shred of sympathy he might have had for this person evaporates. His lips are pressed into a thin line, his jaw clenches, and every ounce of good nature inside him turns inside out, flashing spikes and canons and the readiness to kill.
“Ah, I see, now I have your attention.”
Jake wants to get out of this chair and wipe that disgusting sneer from Darius’ face. And more.
“You have one hour. If you don’t talk then, we’ll invite our little friend Mac over. He’ll convince you.”
Darius turns and opens the door, ready to leave, taking the only light source with him. It shakes Jake out of his stunned silence.
“Don’t you dare touch him!” He waggles the chair, the zip ties digging into his skin as he tries to rip himself free. “Come back here! I’ll tell you everything you want to know! Don’t bring my son into this, you fucking monster!” His voice breaks as he screams, but Darius ignores him, closing the door behind him, leaving Jake in total darkness once again.
He’s panting heavily, tears gathering in his eyes. He can’t think clearly, which is bad, very bad… Mac… Not Mac!
It takes the better part of the next hour for him to calm down, because every time his breathing returns to normal, he becomes aware of the darkness again, of his impossible situation, of the danger his family is in, regardless of whether Darius is bluffing or not.
He screams for help until his throat hurts. The neighbors usually like to complain so much, why is nobody coming over now?!
The fear is all-encompassing. He loses all sense of time.
Eventually, he manages to regain his ability to think by using his old trick – repressing the hell out of bad thoughts and feelings.
He knows Darius wants information from him so he probably won’t kill him before he gets them. But the man is unpredictable in his state of unstable anger. Jake’s afraid he really will go after Mac or Amy if Jake doesn’t play along. Regardless of whether or not he tells Darius what he wants to know, he’s going to die tonight. He’d rather not. He’d really, really rather not.
The tears running down his face have long dried when Darius comes back. Jake’s eyes hurt in the glaring light of his headlamp.
“Time’s up, Peralta.” Darius stands in front of him, flicking his pocketknife open. “Talk.”
The fire inside Jake hasn’t gone out yet. As long as he lives, it will keep flickering. He will not let it extinguish after everything he’s ever gone through in his life, the good and the bad.
“A dart arrow in the neck, poisoned,” he starts, talking slowly, quietly. Any way to stall this without babbling too much that he risks a knife to the windpipe.
“Yes, yes, yes, yes, I know, I know!” Darius gesticulates impatiently while talking louder and faster with every word, the expression in his eyes bordering on the edge of truly insane. “He was shot with it in that awful slide with the funnel, dead within seconds, I’ve heard this already! I WAS THERE AFTER IT HAPPENED!”
Jake flinches at the drops of saliva landing on his face. Taking a deep breath, then another one, he continues. “The question was, of course, who hit him. But to get closer to that information without any evidence on camera, we needed to know how he was killed.”
“But you already knew–”
“Where would you have done it?” Jake interrupts the incoming yelling.
“What?”
“If you were the killer – which I know you’re not! Just making that clear – where would you have hit Pearson with the dart?”
Darius blinks a few times. “Inside the funnel.”
“But cameras didn’t show anyone there and there was no blind spot. And no one tinkered with the footage.”
He’s met with confused silence, but it doesn’t last long. As if he’s watching in slow-motion, Jake sees the confusion melt into a blank stare, then the anger returns, deepens the lines on the scrunched-up face, creases the brows; muscles clench, eyes flash up dangerously.
Darius’ hand moves, Jake flinches, and the horrible sting of a fresh cut spreads on his left arm. In his ire, Darius managed to slice through the hoodie and the underlying shirt (though Jake has to admit, these particular pieces haven’t been very expensive), plus several layers of skin, judging by the stinging sensation burning through his nerves. Blood seeps into the material.
“This isn’t some kind of guessing game!” Darius leans on the arms of the chair again, right in his personal space. Jake hates it when he does that. “Tell me how he did it. Or Mac and Amy will pay.”
“The vents,” it shoots out of Jake immediately. “The killer was sitting in the vents above the slide. When Pearson came out, the killer hit him. We didn’t find the murder weapon yet. Tomorrow, we’re going to inspect the vents and interview everyone who has access to them.”
A slimy smile spreads on the face in front of him. “Was that so hard?” Then something seems to catch up to Darius and wipes the smile away. “Oh, that cunt-licking…” He spins away, tugging at the bit of hair he still has on his head, growling in frustration.
Jake brings oxygen back into his lungs. He misses fresh air, even though NYC air doesn’t particularly qualify to be called fresh. But he’d take anything over the stuffed air in this dark prison of his.
“He knows I’m friends with Wesley from maintenance,” Darius mumbles to himself while pacing through the room. He doesn’t seem to be aware that Jake can hear him, or that he’s talking out loud in the first place. “He can claim I have access to the vents. And he had me volunteer to stay late last night, he can say I went up there and…” His head turns quickly, eyes boring into Jake. “Now you tell me where that motherfucker’s hiding so we can finish this up.”
Jake gulps. “How would I know where your boss is right now?” The pain in his arm flares up at the look he receives. “And if I may ask – why would your boss frame you for murder in the first place?”
Darius lets out a heavy sigh. “Because he wants to bone my wife.”
“He does?”
“He’s been leering at her for years and now that we’re split up, all he needs to do is get rid of me and her new lover!” He spits on the ground. “That fucking prick.”
Literally, Jake thinks. He also has an idea of where Kirkwell might be right now, if what Darius says is true and his boss really is after his ex-wife. Why that hasn’t occurred to Darius yet, he doesn’t know. It probably has to do with the whole coming undone that is happening inside that man’s mind. And Jake doesn’t want to be the one pointing it out for him.
A loud crashing sound alerts both men and Jake immediately recognizes it as the sound of a door breaking down.
It is followed by steps on the floor and a voice carrying through the apartment.
“NYPD! Come out with your hands up!” Jake’s heart stops. It’s her.
Darius curses and fumbles something out of his pocket – a piece of cloth that he gags Jake with before he can call out to Amy.
While Darius waits tensely in his hiding place, the handle of his knife clutched in his fist, Jake tries to scream around the gag. He’s too quiet, he has to scream louder–
The handle turns and the door swings open, and there she is, clad in her bulletproof vest, gun at the ready. When she spots him, her eyes widen. “Jake! Oh god…” She takes a step into the room, but he shakes his head violently, his pupils flitting back and forth between her and the door.
She gets the message too late. Darius jumps out, grabs her from behind and holds the knife to her throat.
“Drop the gun.”
Stiff in his iron grip, a million options scurry through her mind, Jake knows – the gun falls to the floor. Darius eyes it, but he knows he can’t pick it up without letting go of his hostage. Jake eyes it too, but there’s no way he can get to it, least of all use it.
“Drop the weapon and step back,” orders a harsh voice. Darius flings himself and Amy around and faces Rosa, her gun pointed right at him.
“Oh no, I won’t.” Darius’ voice quivers. His back is turned to Jake but even from behind, the tightening of muscles in the man’s arm is visible. He’s pressing the knife against Amy’s throat. The choked noise she makes breaks Jake’s heart. “Lieutenant Santiago and I are going to leave this apartment. Then we will say our goodbyes. I still have somewhere to be.”
With slow but deliberate steps, he shuffles past Rosa, Amy in his clutches. Rosa can’t do anything but further order him to drop the knife, to let her go, to give up. Jake telepathically tries to remind her of Palm Springs, Florida. Of how Amy shot the hostage’s leg and the hostage taker had to let go. His shin prickles at the memory.
Jake watches through the open door as Darius and Amy near the front door that’s lying there on the floor, broken out of its hinges.
Amy stumbles as they step around it.
Darius violently pulls her upright.
Then he stops.
A gun pokes into his back from behind. Someone is standing in the doorway to the apartment.
“You heard Detective Diaz,” Captain Holt says. “I would advise you to do as she says.”
Darius is surrounded.
His eyes frantically search for an escape.
There is none.
The knife clatters to the floor.
He pushes Amy away from him, turns and tries to do the same with Holt, but he has no chance.
As soon as he’s caught, Amy runs over to Jake. She removes the gag and the ties and crouches before him as he sags into himself in relief and exhaustion and pain. Her fingers card through his messy hair.
“God, Jake… Are you okay?”
He nods. Everything hurts and he’s starting to shake, but he’s okay. He’s safe. She’s safe. And Mac. (And Kirkwell.)
While Holt’s taking Darius away and Rosa calls an ambulance, Jake tells Amy what happened.
“We should interrogate Kirkwell,” he finishes. “And maybe ask our neighbors if they’re missing a chair, because I don’t know whose chair I’m sitting on right now.
“It’s the one from the hallway corner. Jake, it’s been there for years!”
“Oh, that one! You’re right.” He’s walked past it so many times, it became part of the environment for him. Why it was even there, he doesn’t know, either. “Sorry, I’m a little bit woozy.”
She takes out a handkerchief and dabs at the cut on his arm, but stops when he winces and hisses.
“Ames, how did you know I’m here?”
Amy tells him about Kirkwell in the bathrobe, about finding his car at the water park and driving back to talk to the guy.
“While I was trying to get something useful out of him, Terry called and said that a Richard Erickson had just come to the precinct to tell us about his brother’s intentions. They worked together to get revenge on Kirkwell. While Darius was here with you, Richard left your car and personal things at the water park and waited for his brother to call him. They wanted to find Kirkwell and, well…”
“Finish things up,” Jake concludes and she nods. “What about Kirkwell?”
“Charles picked him up. He says Rebecca Erickson followed them and told them everything before anyone could start interrogating Kirkwell. Apparently, he’d proudly confessed everything to her in the throws of passion not long before I came back.”
Jake softly shakes his head with a smile. “Idiots, these murderers. They never learn.”
“I know, right?” She grins back and he is once again struck by the beauty of her, not just her smile, but her, her everything. And he gets to spend his life with her. It’s so crazy.
“By the way,” he pulls himself out of his own musings, “I think I found a title for the case.”
“You want to name the case?”
“It’s our last case together, Ames! Of course it’s gonna have a name.”
She rolls her eyes but he can see her lips twitch.
“This fact, plus the circumstances of the victim’s death, made me come up with the perfect title.”
She looks at him expectantly and he grins.
“The Last Ride.”
#b99fandomevents#b99 summer 2021 fic exchange#b99#the last ride#b99 fic#peraltiago#jake x amy#sleuth sisters#jake peralta#amy santiago#rosa diaz#ray holt#maja writes
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Little Bird: Chapter 37
Read on AO3.
Part 36 here.
Part 38 here.
Summary: There are only so many ways you can deliver news.
Words: 2700
Warnings: dystopia
Characters: Kylo Ren x Handmaid!Reader
A/N: I really didn't think I'd get a chapter out today, but I did, so yay!? Sorry it's a bit short (I remember when 2000 words was normal for me!), but I must be on my bullshit, as always.
Thank you very much to everyone who reached out. I had a shitty week this week, and I anticipate things in the next few weeks will not be super great. If there is a week where an update is missed, I hope you can understand.
I love y'all very much, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! <3
Beyond the sheet, the doctor’s shadow worked in silence, collecting instruments to soon be used to pry and expose your pomegranate flesh. Your monthly exam would never feel routine--prior to the collapse of society, they’d already been unpleasant. But now, separated from the provider by gossamer cloth, scrutinized in anonymity while metal objects cracked you wide, they crushed you in revulsion. The doctor whirled on his stool between your legs, air whispering over your bare skin. You swallowed.
A squeaking, clacking, and the cold metal of the speculum parted your labia and pierced your entrance. You held your breath, willing away the tears that pricked your sight--you’d always cried at this part, even before it became obligatory--drifting to your mind until he was finished.
Kylo Ren had been gone for 18 days, and in his absence, Gilead had drawn from your veins, a vampire of systemic proportions bleeding you not of life, but of the will to live itself. Without his presence, his power, his capability to extract you from bondage, you’d sunk into it like a tarpit, thick sticky ooze edging ever-closer to your throat. Sutures now removed, antibiotics completed, your days consisted of waking, walking, waiting, and, more than once, weeping, before wishing yourself into a witless slumber. Not that you were surprised. After all, before you’d fucked him in secrecy the first time, you’d asked yourself, what was life without living?
As it turned out: pretty fucking awful.
Pain lit up your spine when the doctor dug at your cervix for a swab--you winced, and the exam room door opened.
“Hey, we’re running behind, you do you want me to grab the next one, or--”
“No, no,” your doctor replied. “I’m almost done with this one. Did you get the urinalysis back?”
“Uh, no, sorry, I haven’t checked. I can go do it now.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Oh, hey.” Then he swiveled away--leaving you gaping, a red tunnel open for observation. “Did you hear what the director said this morning?”
The other man hummed in thought. “Something about Commander Pryde. I didn’t really care.”
You stared into the ceiling, hands folded over your stomach, tears stinging again while your thighs began to tremble. Privacy and respect hadn’t been afforded to you in three years; you had long been designated a womb buried in a hunk of meat. But something about having your cervix on display like the Hope Diamond was particularly nauseating. Your stomach groaned in humiliation.
“Yeah. Anyone who’s even spoken with Pryde in the last month is getting rounded up.”
Breath stalled. There was no way the doctor knew who you were--the sheet separating you ensured that. Dread iced over your chest.
“Shit,” the other man replied. “Really? Damn.” A pause, clanging of instruments. “Just questioning, right?”
“For now.” The doctor grumbled. “I just had the tenaculum. What the hell?”
“Isn’t it right over there?”
“Oh, right, yeah.” Wheels squeaked across the floor. “Anyway, it’s just a new round of Ren’s bullshit.” He sighed, scooching between your legs again. Something sharp and cold pinched you--you bit your lip. “Dissenters this, threats to Gilead that. I wouldn’t worry about it. Unless--”
A snort. “I hate the both of ‘em.” The man sighed. “You’d think that fixing the birthrate should be their top priority, the way things are going.”
The doctor grumbled, and something pinched you like talons, shooting pain up your spine. “Yeah. Well. If Ren has his way, half the people in this country are gonna end up dead.”
Your heart was tumbling into a canyon. In the time without him, your belief in your Commander’s defection had dimmed. You’d believed initially that his motivation for Pryde’s capture was revenge--something undesirable, but still understandable--but the longer his campaign went on, the more you realized that there would be nothing that would convince him to release his stranglehold on his position. A gnawing despair within you whispered that whatever Kylo Ren felt for you, he felt it one hundredfold for power and control; convincing him to leave it behind would not only be improbable, but impossible. Yet, as you considered betraying what little affection he might have, sorrow shredded you. The thought of his capture, trial, possible execution--
More tears. You couldn’t stomach the thought of him not here, of being torn from him, of his existence in the past tense. And you also couldn’t sacrifice your freedom for his sins.
The release of the speculum tugged you back to the exam, and you sniffled, clearing your throat. You’d missed the rest of the conversation.
“Whatever happens, at least we won’t be out of a job. They’ll always need someone to make sure the breeding stock is healthy.” A pause, as if to acknowledge that, yes, you were still in the room. “No offense, of course.”
Bile burned your tongue. You said nothing.
“Shit, that reminds me,” said the other man. “I’ll go check the urinalysis.”
“Thanks.”
The door shut. Without warning, latex fingers pushed inside of you, another hand pressing down on your belly. The inspection went on for seconds longer than you thought it should, his fingers curling, as if he was languishing there, reveling in the sensation of feeling your uterus. For a blink, every thought surrounding your Commander’s desertion of Gilead fled your mind, consumed by a venomous desire that he might catch this doctor in the act and crack his skull on the pearly tile, spray his blood, stain the grout. And then the intrusion was over, and your fury dissipated, the ache for retribution hollowing in your heart.
It wouldn’t have mattered, really, if he had been standing in the room when it had happened--the doctor was no anomaly, but a functioning cog in Kylo Ren’s machine. As long as you both remained in clutches of his own creation, he would spend eternity defending you from its design. Even if you could be an exception, other women would suffer in forced silence. And even if he could mould it to your liking, it would still mean he preferred you to exist in subjugation instead of liberation.
Hope had been a security blanket almost three weeks ago, thick and warm around your shoulders while he’d bathed you with gentle hands. Now it clung in tatters to your ribs, the tiny scraps fluttering like tissue with every gust of reality.
The door opened again.
“Hey,” the man said. “Got the results.”
A snap of rubber as the doctor removed his gloves. “And?”
“Look for yourself.”
Shuffling paper stifled the sad knock of your pulse in your ears. Perhaps you knew, and had always known, that Kylo might never come to agree with your perspective. You just frequently forgot to acknowledge that it would mean letting him go. Forever.
“Hey! Okay!” A warm palm slapped your thigh, and you squeaked. “We got another one!”
When no one responded, you realized he had been speaking to you. About a result. A urinalysis. Another one...
You couldn’t speak. Or breathe. Oh--
“You’re pregnant!”
Like a geyser, it burst from you--your sorrow, your fear, your disgust, your absolute joy--and poured in rivers down your cheeks, your hands clapping over your face. There was no one coherent thought that could be plucked from your mind, just a constant tornado of horrific exhilaration, a celebratory mourning that within you, a tangible testament to you and your Commander’s connection beat and pulsed and flourished with life, growing veins like vines and limbs like wings.
His child--your child--a physical entity you could nourish in the wake of his reluctance, an unalterable legacy inside of your womb, one that you, if you were to be denied all else, could adore. Your child, but also his child, descendant to a despondent devil, progeny to a preserver of your own imprisonment. A child that, if born into the realm of its father’s regency, would never know normality, or maybe even you--at all. A heaving sob cracked through, and you shivered, trembling with terrified bliss.
The doctor slapped your thigh again. “Don’t stress!” he said. “According to the chart here, you’re about six weeks along. There’s still a chance for disruption. So I’d stay relaxed, all right?”
Swallowing, you creaked out a noise of assent. There wasn’t a word you could bear to say.
After the doctor left, you slipped back into your red dress and wings--despite Kylo’s words weeks earlier, you had been provided no other options after he’d left, and you suspected he’d meant for you to only be out of uniform in his presence, regardless. You were escorted by an armed nurse out of the clinic, where a Knight--still masked, no cloak, just in tactical gear--was waiting by the black SUV you’d seen a few of them in before. Averting your gaze, you climbed into the back and buckled in. The vehicle started, you coasted through the parking lot, and onto the road.
For the first time in several days, the sun was out--though it would need more than an afternoon to evaporate the muggy air that had accumulated in its absence. You gazed into the stark, cloudless sky, placing your hands on your belly, as if you could commune with the little being inside of you, know it before it knew you. A question, awful and exciting, lingered in your mind as you imagined telling Kylo the news, but no answer revealed itself. You replayed the scenario over and over again, practicing it on your tongue--I’m pregnant--digging deep for his reaction. But it was useless, as initially unknowable as anything else about him. Anxiety constricted your heart, a dam about to crumble behind your eyes.
The Knight turned a corner, and you jostled in the backseat. There couldn’t have been much intimacy between them all. But still.
“How do you think the Commander would respond…” You swallowed again--hesitation kept wadding in your throat. “How do you think he’d respond to a pregnancy?”
Long, sweltering seconds ticked by without a word. Balling your hands in your lap, your palms slipped, heartbeat thumped in your clasped thumbs. You’d never heard a Knight say a word, before--you weren’t sure why you were expecting one to answer you. Lava licked at your neck, dripping down your spine, your teeth tearing at your cheeks.
“Whatever it is,” the Knight said, shattering expectation, “anything in comparison will look like apathy.”
A rush of interminable origin raced your flesh, flushing hot in your blood. That was about as accurate as you could expect. And unsatisfying as you could predict.
When you arrived at home and stepped out of the vehicle, another realization crested over you. Johana. Though your relationship had settled into an uneasy truce since the day the Commander had left, the words she spared you had been few and far between. You knew that your pregnancy was possibly her only dream, but combined with the uncharted territory of her husband’s intentions, you worried it would become her nightmare.
At the same time, perhaps these worries were unfounded--the threats Kylo would face by disrupting his Wife’s right to your child might be too great for him to risk his power. His concessions had been minor and in relative secrecy, affecting only his relationship with you--everything else had the secondary benefit of securing his reign. He’d said plenty, but how much had he meant? After overhearing the discussion in the exam room, you were fairly certain that if made to choose between Gilead and you, you’d lose.
You followed the Knight into the house, relieved to cross into central air. Taking a few slow steps, you drew a deep breath.
“Ms. Johana!” You paused, listening for a response. You heard none. “Ms. Johana?”
She wasn’t in the house--that meant she was likely out in the yard. In the heat. Sighing, you trudged through the halls through the back door, squinting as light smacked your face. In the weeks since Kylo’s departure, the garden had been cleared and mostly restored at Johana’s behest--the grass gleamed gold, summer flowers replanted in over-saturated swirls of color. You hopped over the stones, turning the words on your tongue, hoping to make them real in your mouth.
I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant. I’m--
“Ofkylo.”
You stalled, recognizing the moniker as yours, resentful of its familiarity to your ears. Beyond one of the hedges was Johana, prying open a birdfeeder. Heat--though whether it was from the sun or your fear, you didn’t know--sizzled the nape of your neck. You steeled your jaw, grabbing your skirts and tromping through the trimmed lawn in her direction.
“What are you doing out here?” There was a bag of mixed seed at her feet, her sleeves pushed up to her elbows as she wiped the feeder clean with a rag. “I thought you just left for your exam.”
“I did. I’m back,” you said. “I was, um. Looking for you.”
“Oh.” She flipped the top in her little hands, scrubbing it clean, too. “Well, that’s fine. What’s going on? They didn’t find out about the gunshot, right?”
You shook your head. “Oh, no no. That’s fine.”
“Good,” she said. “I’m tired of lying for your benefit. The antibiotics weren’t--”
“I know, Ms. Johana,” you sighed. “So…” The words were so simple, but so difficult to say. “The exam went well.”
She nodded, digging into the seed, scooping a helping. “Uh-huh.”
There was nothing that would make this any less nerve-wracking. You inflated your chest, and let it go. “I’m pregnant.”
Johana stopped, like she’d been shot herself, staring into the ground. The seed fell from her palms and spilled over her shoes. She rose, gaze drifting from your feet, to your hands, to your face, her chin shaking. A smile was threatening to explode across her lips.
“Wait.” She exhaled. “Really?”
Wagging your arms in admission, you nodded. “Yup.”
A human springtrap, she squealed, launching into you and wrapping you in a tight, bony hug. You wheezed from her strength--she squeezed you, pinning your limbs to your sides as she wriggled you like a toy.
“Yes!” She jumped up and down, still holding you. “Yes, yes, yes!”
“Yes,” you repeated. “It’s, um, it’s true!”
Johana released you, erupting with elation. “This is amazing!” she said. “Lord, I’m going to have to go see everyone. Yes, we’ll have to have a party.” She clapped her hands and hugged you again. “Can you let the Marthas know to clean this up? I have to get going.” A playful, devious smirk twisted her mouth as she skipped into the house, congratulating herself. “Oh, they’re going to be so jealous! I’m pregnant!”
You stood, staring down at your belly. It wasn’t obvious, yet--but it wouldn’t be long. The thought of Johana preening, presiding over your stomach like it was her work paralyzed your heart. Had it been any other Commander, any other household, you might have even been relieved to incubate your ticket out of the Colonies, but now, you felt only panic. You didn’t want to give this baby up to her--a desire you never would have anticipated.
But then, none of this had been anything you had the ability to anticipate. A Handmaid was not supposed fuck her Commander outside of the Ceremony, or kiss him, or wake up in his embrace. A Handmaid was not supposed to yearn for her Commander, feel comfort from his voice, find companionship in his presence, or feel grateful for his brutality and strength. A Handmaid was not supposed to plan her Commander’s downfall, or plan his escape, and especially not plan his future with her in it.
A Handmaid was not supposed to fall in love with her Commander. But you were a Handmaid. And it was too late.
You left the empty birdfeeder and the bag of seed, slinking up the stairs, creeping back to your room. Throat, chest, face tight, you laid in bed, palms planted on your stomach, and breathed. Shutting your eyes, you hoped for the hundred-thousandth time in three years you would wake up in a different world--a world where the father of your child was not your legal owner, a world where another woman was not claiming it as hers, a world where you opened your eyes and you were not alone, and you were free, and you were truly, deservedly loved.
If you fell asleep, you didn’t know--the next thing you recalled was the familiar rumble of the Audi’s engine, dying as it rolled into the driveway.
#kylo ren smut#kylo ren x reader#kylo x reader#kylo ren imagine#kylo ren#kylo trash#little bird#handmaid au#fanfiction problems#idk I got feelings
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The Trouble with Being Useful part 2
Lance had been gone for a long time. Like a long time. Almost the equivalent of eight Earth months. He had missed birthdays, celebrations, parties, meetings, bonding, missions. Granted he knew he likely would, it just hurt knowing he was missing so much of his friends’ lives to fight in battles.
Fighting for the Resistance was a lot different than fighting with Voltron, and even from the way that Keith described his missions with the Blade. Instead of stealth missions or space battles, Lance was on the ground, in the heart of them. He had no idea how different fighting on the ground was from in the air. It was almost like it was a completely different war.
Granted he did fight a few as a pilot, complete a few air and space missions, but it seemed where they really needed him was on the ground. He climbed quickly, though I was likely due to the fact that officers and non officers alike didn’t last very long. He had been witness to a few of his commanding officers take a fatal blaster shot.
These particular things he kept from the team. He didn’t need them to worry about him. Not when the universe depended on Voltron. So on his bi weekly video calls, he kept them light. hearing about what was happening back at the castle and telling them of all the planets he had been stationed at and his recent promotions. As light as he tried to keep the calls though, it seemed he couldn’t get rid of the tension between all of them. He had basically abandoned them for his own ego after all.
The happy feeling of catching up was always brought to a halt when someone would comment about how long he had been gone or ask him when he would be coming back. He honestly didn’t know, and he knew that they didn’t like that answer, but it was the only one he could give them. He had to wait for his commanding officers to notify him, and considering they were literally in the middle of a battle, it likely wouldn’t be anytime soon.
Finally the time came though, when he was gifted a few Spicolian movements of leave following a pretty bad shoulder injury. He kept that from the team too, deciding to surprise them.
Luckily, Coran was willing to help him, giving him the day that the team would be out of the castle on a training mission for Lance to make his surprise visit. It was simple. He flew in without any trouble, and made his way to his room to take a shower and change into some fresh clothes, opting for a newer outfit as it seemed all of his older clothes were a bit too small.
He hadn’t notice how much he had changed in that 8 months. He was taller now, granted he was pretty tall before, but he seemed to have grown a few inches. His shoulders were a little broader, and though he was still lean, he was more muscular. His hair was longer too, it wasn’t a mullet like Keith’s, no he would rather die than have that, but it did reach his jaw now, the chocolate brown framing his face. He decided against cutting it, he rather liked it now. He slipped into some civilian clothes and made his way to the kitchen to grab a quick snack before heading to the bridge, where he knew the team would soon be to begin their training debriefing.
He didn’t wait long, simply a few dobashes before the door slid open and he stood up from the seat he had taken earlier. The team was completely engrossed in their conversation as they walked in, paying no attention to the man standing in front of them before Pidge finally looked up and gasped. The rest of the team looked to him with wide eyes, the surprise freezing them in place.
“Hey guys, guess who’s back!” Lance laughed, breaking the silence. That seemed to launch the group into action, as he was soon encircled by his very tearful teammates. “Aw, I missed you guys too.”
Allura had given them the rest of the day off, deciding it was much more important to be with their Blue Paladin on his day of return.
They had taken up post in the lounge, relaxing on the couches as the team asked Lance questions about his time with the Resistance. Finally, Keith had asked the question everyone else was thinking but dreaded the thought.
“So how long are you staying?” he tried to keep his voice steady, but it was hard. He missed Lance, too much. The castle hadn’t been the same, hadn’t felt the same without him. He missed the jokes, the insults, the bickering, the never-ending noise that came with Lance. Without him, it was silent, too silent.
Lance rubbed his injured shoulder at the thought of returning, he knew he had too, he wanted to, but he missed his family so much. “Basically until my shoulder gets cleared.” he almost regretted the words, he forgot that he hadn’t told them about his injuries, more importantly the one that put him out of commission for a bit.
“What happened to your shoulder?” Shiro asked, the statement reviving a concern he hoped he wouldn’t have to have again.
Lance hesitated his answer, eventually deciding it would probably do more harm to not tell them. “I uh, caught a few blaster shots in it, completely shattered the head of my humerus and shredded my rotator cuff.” He winced as he recounted the intense pain he had felt when it first happened.
Everyone else seemed to have the same reaction. “Yeah, it's fine now. I mean they had to basically reconstruct it, and it still really hurts but it's on the mend.”
“And you’re just gonna go back?” Lance could hear the unease in Keith’s voice. He wanted to assure them that nothing would happen, that he’d be fine, but he knew he couldn’t. He could likely die out there, like so many of the people he fought with. But he could also die here, he almost died here.
“If they need me, which they do. I have people under my command now.”
They didn’t like the idea of him leaving again, but they knew they couldn’t stop him. He had his mind made. So they spent the time they had with him with enjoyment, dreading the day that he would have to go back.
Eventually he did go back. It seemed this time that leaving was harder than the first, but he did it. And of course he promised he would be careful and that he would be back soon.
His second deployment was shorter than the first, only about 5 Earth months, and this time he was able to go back on vacation rather than injury induced leave. When he returned the second time, it was the team that surprised him. They planned an entire party around his return complete with Hunk’s space versions of his favorite foods. Being home made him ecstatic.
Later that night, Lance found Keith sitting in the lounge long after everyone had gone to bed. He was looking at a hologram of Earth, something Lance used to do on nights like this when he couldn’t sleep. Of course back then it hadn’t been war related nightmares and memories of battle that haunted his mind, but rather homesickness and his insecurities of his place on the team.
Trying his best not to startle him, Lance sat down in front of Keith, their eyes meeting for the first time since Lance had returned. “You okay man?” he asked.
Keith looked at him with an expression that pained Lance more than anything. It was then that Lance noticed the familiar jacket that his friend had wrapped around himself, the jacket that Lance had given him when he first left. Keith clutched it to him like he was scared if he loosened his grip he would float away.
“Is this how it felt when I left?” he finally asked.“Did it hurt this much?” His voice held no malice, but the emotion in it made Lance’s heart drop. He had made Keith feel abandoned for a third time in his life.
He didn’t know how to answer that, it hurt, he knew it hurt. But he also knew that it wasn’t Keith’s fault. Keith wanted to keep the team as together as possible, and Lance couldn’t fault him as he was doing the same thing.
“It hurt...a lot.” he said simply. “But I think the worst part was not knowing if you were okay or not.”
It was true, Keith wasn’t the best at communication, especially with the more secretive missions he was on. There were instances in which they had gone weeks without so much as a message from him.
“That’s why I called so much, I wanted you guys to know that I was okay. That I was alive.”
“But you weren’t okay.” it was a whisper, but it still held the same feeling as if he had screamed it at the top of his lungs. “You got hurt, and that’s the only one we know of. So much could have happened and we wouldn’t have been the wiser because you weren’t here.”
“I’m here now.” he placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, triying to offer Keith a small smile, but he knew that it wasn’t enough.
“You weren’t when we needed you.”
#langst#klance#if you squint#I'm building it up guys I promise#its getting a little long so I decided to cut it here#lance serrano#voltron lance#voltron keith#keith kogane#Voltron lives rent free in my mind
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loner - kali uchis
〉renjun x fem!reader
〉warnings idk stuff happens
〉word count 1.7k
〉a/n so this started based off of the song but then i kinda went off track and it really has nothing to do with the song, either way i hope you like
“Can I?” You nod your head, not trusting your words. Your heart was racing out of your chest and you just couldn't believe you, of all people, was doing this with Renjun. His hand rested at the back of your head as he bought you in for a kiss. You weren't the most experienced with these things so you tried to just go with the flow. But it seemed he also didn't know what he was doing, the kiss felt uncomfortable and it made the tension even higher. He pulled away enough so that your faces were still only inches apart and laughed.
“I don't know what I'm doing” This broke the silence and made you let out a giggle as well. He pulled away completely and moved to sit next to you against the wall of his treehouse. He had it built for him as a child but still proves useful when privacy is needed.
“It's ok, that was nice” He turns his head at you and you can only just make out his feature from the light coming from outside, he raises his eyebrows at you as if to say ‘are you being serious?’
It's peaceful for a while, although you're still incredibly nervous, this is your first time doing this with anyone, sneaking out and messing around. You were just glad it was with Renjun, someone you had been friends with since the start of high school. He was someone you trusted, you knew he was a good guy and you felt safe doing this with him. The peace only lasts for a moment before there is yelling coming from the ground below.
“Renjun! Y/N! Come quick Haechan and Mark are fighting again” The voice is easily recognized as Chenles. You almost forgot about the party Renjun had planned for the last couples of weeks of school before summer. Renjun looks over at you again, asking for your thoughts and you just shrug.
He makes a move to climb down the ladder first, you quickly follow. Renjun places his hands on your hips and lower back to help you down the last couple of steps and onto the ground. You feel your face heat up and you're grateful that he can't see your nervousness due to the dark lighting. You think he's gonna let go but he leaves his arm around your waist as you follow the noise coming from across the yard. True to Chenles word, Mark and Haechan are at each other's necks. It wasn't the most violent thing in the world so no one was doing anything to stop it, but you couldn't stand to watch for any longer, embarrassment taking over. Renjun must of thought the same thing, his hand leaving your waist and moving in the center of the circle to break it up. You join him, helping him pull Mark off of Haehan and taking him away to calm him down while Renjun does the same with the other boy.
“What happened Mark?” You finally get him sitting down on the bench on the front porch, the light isn't too harsh and the music is gentle.
“He kept telling people about last night” Marks anger had subsided and turned into something more hurt. He sat down next to him and let his head rest on your lap, stroking his hair as a way of comfort.
“What happened last night?”
“I don't want to talk about it” You sigh but let it be, you weren't sure where Mark and Haechans relationship was at, but at the end of the day. It wasn't any of your business and you didn't want to push him. Besides you had your own relationship to worry about.
You and Renjun were nothing more than friends, but both of you weren’t the type of people to just mess around. So it wouldn't make sense if all this was going to be was messing around. He wasn't like that, he was ‘nerdy’. He watched anime with his friends at lunch, he drank chocolate milk every day and played pokemon during class. You were the same, sure you had friends that were considered popular, but you also had friends like him. You mainly spent all your time alone, tucked away at the back of the class watching movies or reading. Being friends with him was not a bad thing, he tended to be kinder, he made you feel welcomed. And up until now you never really thought about the fact that you liked him. But maybe this is what this was, a crush. You didn't want to ruin your friendship with him but you guys had already gone so far, you might as well go all the way.
“Y/N!” You look up from your work to see who called your name.
“Renjun? What happened?” His hands and shirt and well, his face, are splattered in some sort of black substance.
“Jisung spilt the black ink everywhere” You turn around to where they were originally sitting to see Jisung frantically whipping up the said ink that was everywhere, Chenle dying of laughter next to him. “Wanna go for a walk with me? I need to clean this up. I also need you to open the doors for me”
You chuckle and pull out your headphones, stepping away from your work. Renjun follows suspiciously quietly behind you the whole way as you open doors and make your way around the school. You wait outside the boy's bathroom patiently for him to be done cleaning up, but you doubt he'll be able to get it out of his shirt. He comes out and wipes his wet hand on your shirt.
“Ew Renjun” You move away from him and walk forward.
“Ew ReNjUn” He doesn't make an effort to catch up to you, instead of trailing behind once again. You know something is wrong.
“Is everything ok?” You stop walking and so does he, when you turn back towards him he avoids eye contact. He's one of the more emotional people you know yet he always has a hard time expressing it.
“It's not that” He fiddles with the hem of his shirt, his foot tapping off of the ground. He's nervous for sure but if it's bothering him this much he needs to let you know. “I appreciate you as a friend, you're always here for me and I don't want this to make things weird between us. I want to still be a friend after all of this”
“Renjun if things start getting weird, we have to step away ok?” You move towards him and he finally looks up. “We’ll always put our friendship first”
Your mind ticks away as you count the last minutes before school breaks out for the summer, it isn't until the bell rings that you realize you stopped paying attention. You don't wait to hear what the teacher says before dashing out of the class, you're finally free of this place. Despite that you wait out the front, getting ready to say goodbye to your friends before leaving for six weeks.
“Y/N!” Jaemin runs into you for a hug, which knocks you off of your feet but you accept the rest of the boys following behind them. “Can you take a photo for us?”
“Sure” You take his phone and wait for the rest of them to get into position. They leave you not long after, saying goodbye and leaving you with just Renjun. “What's this even for? You guys will most likely see each other on the holidays.”
“Well yeah but I'm gonna be spending some of my time with you” You can't help but smile, your hands come up and you bury your face in it. Ashamed that you get flustered but something so small. He brings you into his body for a hug, his arms making you feel safe. “You're so cute”
When you've both said goodbye you feel fluffy, your stomach light, and your head full of thoughts about Renjun. He makes you happy, even if he's just a friend. You feel safe exposing this side of you to him, even if it never leads anywhere. He's good and you know he'll treat you well. You head over to your other friends before heading home, Nina coming along with you.
“So Renjun huh?” She raises her eyebrow and elbows your side.
“Tsk” You put your head down, embarrassed, Nina usually went for the popular guys, the ones who would bounce from girl to girl every other month. Because of this you almost felt embarrassed to have a thing with someone like Renjun. “It's nothing yet, we just have a thing you know?”
“Whatever” She laughs and somehow that reassures you of your friendship with her. It's ridiculous to be embarrassed about something like that around your best friend. “He seems really cool though, I'd like to get to know him better”
“Oh you so should, message him, he’s really chill” It excites you hearing this, you no longer have to be awkward when both of them are around, your two friend groups are clashing.
As the holidays go on, the messages between Renjun and you get dryer and shorter. No matter what you do, eventually, you give up. Not wanting to look desperate. At the end of the day, you didn't have a relationship, it's fine he ended things. Maybe he just didn't know how else to do so. It hurt losing him, but you know this isn’t the end, you both promised to keep your friendship going no matter what. But you miss the flirting, the secret kisses and the sneaking around. You were never good at relationships, being alone for your whole life. This was your first time experiencing stuff like this, it made you happy that it was with him. Maybe your feelings weren't even real, maybe it was just because you were new to this and he made you feel special. It wasn't until school started again that you realized how real your feelings were.
It was no longer Y/N and Renjun. It was now Nina and Renjun. Except this time it was real, it wasn't some fantasy in her head, it wasn't just messing around. You felt your heart rips to shreds, tearing up your insides. It was a new pain, is this what heartbreak felt like? You weren't expecting it to be so real, to actually physically hurt you. But there's such much you don't know.
You force on a smile and head into class, seeing them sitting together. You guess you're alone once more, both of them leaving you for each other. You don't know which hurt more, him using you or her betraying you.
#renjun#renjun imagines#nct renjun#nct dream#nct dream renjun#nct dream imagines#nct dream scenarios#nct dream x reader#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct x reader#renjun scenarios#renjun x reader#nct
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