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tatianafarenheit · 5 months

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Something Real - Soldier Boy x Reader

Summary: You had offered him the chance for something the two of you could build, something real, if he gave up the suit for good.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Female Reader

Warnings: angst, character death, implied violence, implied injuries, mentions of blood, mentions of terminal illness/treatments/effects, implied sex, Soldier Boy being himself at times, language (I guess?), tears, heartbreak - I think that pretty much covers everything

Word Count: 9434

A/N: Something I started writing back on Thanksgiving. I was hurting that day, needing heat to ease the pain, and I was working on something else for SB. This just popped into my head (the idea of "warm hands") so I ran with it. Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. I picked the name Violet because it's a bit of a reference to the other SB story I'm working on. Please let me know what you think (and please don't kill me).

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“I forgot how warm your hands are.”

Ben could feel his devastation threatening to overwhelm him but he quickly forced it away. He had to be strong for you; no time to be a pussy.

As if you had heard his thoughts, you gave him a sad smile, your own eyes starting to blur with unshed tears that you were trying to hold back yourself, not wanting to make this worse for him than you already knew it would be. But then it suddenly hit you that life was indeed short; what did it matter if you let your feelings surrounding your current circumstances show? You had never held back before. Why would you start now? So you let your tears flow but you did your best to turn them into happy tears so whenever he thought back to this moment, he wouldn’t see how scared or sad you really were. You were determined for him to never know the true depths of your fear or despair in this moment.

Instead, you weakly lifted your hand and placed it against his cheek, watching as he briefly closed his eyes and leaned into your touch. His green gaze settled on you once more and you could have sworn you could see a slight shimmer there but in the next moment, it was gone, so you couldn’t be entirely sure.

Both of you were having flashes of the same memories that your words brought to mind.

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You were both in bed, naked, you laying sprawled out over him, having just made love for the second time that evening. Ben always called it fucking but you refused to use that word to describe what the two of you did. Sure, he fucked you sometimes but things were more serious between you than you just being a bedwarmer of his or some random pussy for him to stick his dick into and get off as he’d crudely put it.

They had been ever since you’d caught him by surprise one night after too much whiskey mixed with conversation and you kissed him ever so sweetly. He’d tried to turn it into something else — because he was who he was after all — but you wouldn’t let him. Something changed between you that night and an understanding began to form. If he wanted you, then he’d have to give up everything that wouldn’t allow him to keep you. That meant the women, the drugs, the bad behavior — all of it. You weren’t trying to change him, not at all, but you knew those things weren’t really the true make-up of who he was; it was a mere reflection of the suit and persona Vought encouraged, expected, and enforced. Ben made his own choices of course, but you knew he could do better, be better. And that’s who you wanted; that’s who you loved — the man that belonged with you, not the Supe that belonged to a greedy corporation and the world. But it would have to be up to him to make that final choice. You made that perfectly clear and told him to come to you when he was ready, ready for something real.

And sure enough, despite his keeping away for a while to prove a point, he eventually ended up on your doorstep that night three years ago, dressed in modern day clothing and cleaned up in all manners of the phrase. Ben was ready. He wanted you, he wanted real and most of all, he wanted it with you.

You’d been together ever since and while things hadn’t been perfect, they’d been perfect enough for the both of you. So here you were, laid out in bliss, listening to his strong heartbeat underneath your ear as his hands glided up and down your bare back. You closed your eyes, smiling, and murmured, “I forgot how warm your hands are.”

Instead of answering you, he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead, letting his lips linger there, as he tightened his hold on you, pulling you closer into him. He held you like that for a little while until you could feel him stirring beneath you once more and his caresses turned more insistent before he rolled you onto your back, his kisses feverish as you both started your third round of lovemaking for the night. Supe stamina and all that.

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You winced as you felt another sharp kick to your stomach. “Damn,” you muttered.

Ben’s eyes were immediately on you, worried. “What?”

“Nothing,” you tried to lie but another kick had you flinching.

He laid down the wrench he had been battling the pipes with and wiped his hands with a rag before making his way over to you. “The kid kicking you again?”

A third kick had your face screwed up in a grimace as you nodded. His jaw tightened and he urged you down onto the sofa before joining you and holding you from behind. He lifted your shirt above your belly and you both watched in fascination as there was a slight movement to it right before you hissed in pain and bit your lip to keep from crying out. Ben lowered his hands and began to rub your skin soothingly. The pain eased and like always, your baby started to settle down, something it did whenever it sensed its father’s strong presence. You assumed it was a Supe thing, since your kid would have half of those V-mutated genes, and you refused to let that worry you in the slightest. There was no guarantee your child would have superpowers like its dad though you wouldn’t be surprised if it inherited his strength if these painful kicks were anything to go by. Either way, you’d cross that superpower bridge if and when you came to it.

You let out a breath of relief and closed your eyes, leaning your head back against Ben’s shoulder. “I seriously forgot how warm your hands are,” you whispered, enjoying how the warmth both settled your child and you at the same time.

“Don’t know how,” he murmured into your ear. “I hardly ever take them off you.”

You smiled wider at his teasing and wrapped your hands around one of his arms, humming your contentment. After a moment, you opened your eyes to find him watching you with an affectionate smirk. You lifted up and gently kissed him. “I love you.”

His smirk melted into a smile and he leaned down to kiss you one more time. “Back at you, doll.”

And almost as if your child wanted a say, to agree with the sentiments exchanged between both parents, it kicked against Ben’s hand albeit more gently this time, not causing any pain.

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You grinned as you watched Ben teach your daughter, Violet, how to make a snowman. Which really meant he was making it for her. She had her father completely wrapped around her little finger. If there was anything that could bring Soldier Boy to his knees, it was his little girl. The strongest Supe in the world was at the mercy of the whims of your six year old.

You both had been surprised when the child you’d both eagerly been anticipating turned out to be a girl. You were excited — you’d always wanted a little girl. Ben — you weren’t sure how he would react. His heart had been set on a boy and while you could see a faint layer of disappointment shadowing his expression when you heard the doctor’s announcement, the moment he and your newborn daughter locked eyes, he was hers. It turned out you had nothing to worry about, on any counts.

He had promised you he would be better than his father and thus far he’d lived up to that promise. While you both had discussed extensively what type of parenting style you’d be implementing, you weren’t sure what would happen when the tough days of parenthood would hit. And while he had come a long way from his antiquated mindset (which had been beyond painful for the both of you back in the early days of you moving in together), you wanted to make sure that none of that would ever touch your child, literally and figuratively. But it turned out, you really had nothing to worry about. There were only a few instances that you had to gently remind him that it wasn’t the 1940’s anymore and each time he’d apologized, and set about making it right however he could.

Ben pleasantly surprised you in being there for all of the night time feedings, being willing to change a diaper after you’d eventually forced the issue and he found out that it wasn’t as big a deal as he was making it out to be, and taking her from you so you could sleep, shower, or get some time for yourself when he realized he wouldn’t break her. Her tiny form made him nervous and all the more careful. He held her hand when she started walking, read to her at bedtime (even though he secretly told you later there was a lot of pussy bullshit stories the world had available for kids these days), and beamed when one night she’d sleepily hugged him and whispered that Daddy was her hero after a particular conversation they’d had about a story he was reading, when she asked why the main character was going to fight the dragon. “Because he’s the hero, sweetness, and heroes fight the monsters.” You’d found him later standing at the foot of her bed, watching her sleep, an expression of sadness mixed with realization in his face.

You’d wrapped yourself around his arm, hugging him, as you joined him in his study of your daughter. “You okay?” You whispered after a moment.

He looked unsure how to answer you so you gave him a little time to think of what he wanted to say, smiling as you noticed your daughter’s quiet breathing, her little lips curled up in the cutest pout as she dreamed — of what you had no idea but you hoped it was warm and wonderful and everything she could possibly want in her four and a half years of life.

“She said I was her hero,” Ben admitted quietly.

You turned to glance up at him and caught the furrow of his brows.

“I’m not really a hero, though.” He pressed his lips together. “Not with the things I’ve done.”

You slipped your hand into his, intertwining your fingers, and squeezed. “Then be one.”

His eyes snapped over to you in question.

You gently framed his face with your hands, forcing him to look at you. “Ever since you decided you wanted something different from what you had before, you have made better decisions every single day. Who you were back then, Ben…that’s not who you are now. So if you want to be a hero,” You briefly glanced at your sleeping daughter. “Her hero, then be one.”

Ben contemplated your words as you released him and his eyes drifted over the child that had somehow carved herself into his heart in a way that the fucked-up Homelander or the idea of any kid of his that possibly existed out there never had. He was already trying every single day to be better, for her, for you, for himself — and it was something he would keep doing.

“But just so you know,” you whispered to him. “No matter if you wear the suit or you’re just plain ol’ Daddy who reads her stories and threatens the monsters in her closet before she goes to bed each night, you’re already going to be her hero.” You gave him a soft smile and watched as your words played out upon his face. His lips lifted up slightly in the corners and he ran his tender glance over his little girl. It surprised you though when he then turned that smile and gaze onto you.

He marveled at just how simple you made it all sound sometimes. Not that you hadn’t acknowledged his effort or the strides he’d made in attempting to be a better father than his old man — a better man period — but he secretly admired when you gave it to him straight, no bullshit, no matter the subject. And while he wanted his daughter to always see him as the hero she called him earlier, he was grateful that you made sure to make such a distinction in your words: he didn’t have to put the suit back on to be his little girl’s hero. That’s not who she saw him as anyway. She saw him as her hero because he was her dad — and that was enough for her.

There were times like this where he’d remember exactly why he chose to give everything up for you, why he chose you. You’d seen past the suit, past his public persona, saw all of the good and even more of the bad, and yet you still chose him first, still loved him, and still gave him the family he’d been craving even if it wasn’t how he’d imagined it for years on end. You gave him exactly what you’d promised if he chose you back: something real. And Christ did he love you for it.

Ben had never been very good at saying the three words that seemed to take no effort whatsoever to roll off your tongue every single day, even when it came to your daughter. While he might have had no issue speaking his mind back in the day, when it came to the two important things in his life, he struggled to put into words exactly how he felt about you two or to return the sentiment because it was unfathomable to him. He had never known that he could feel the love he did as a husband, a true partner, never mind as a parent. You both were his world and he wasn’t sure how he’d function without either of you in it. Hell, he wasn’t even sure how he functioned before either of you came along though a small dark part of him knew the answer to that: booze, drugs, sex, violence, and enjoying the Supe high life all combined. But right now, he was feeling that overwhelming feeling again that he hesitated to put a name to but deep down knew what it was. However, instead of just being able to say it, just once, he did the second best thing like he did every time you made him feel like this: he showed you.

He took your hand in his, squeezing, and glanced once more at Violet. Noting again that she was sleeping soundly, he then turned his attention onto you and led you from the room. Once her door was shut, he was on you, his kisses passionate and insistent yet desperate, his hands hungrily trailing your body, before he picked you up and walked you down the hall to your bedroom.

So watching him now making the snowman your daughter wanted — old hat, scarf, pipe, and all — you were amused but also couldn’t be prouder. Ben had heard you that night and he had chosen to be the hero his little girl wanted him to be: her dad while also being a good man and someone she could be proud of. It didn’t erase his past but it was just another step in the right direction towards his future. The suit was still hidden away in a closet but he hadn’t pulled it out for which you were also immensely grateful. Vought International and The Seven had been annihilated years ago at the same time Homelander had been killed. Supes had scattered across the globe, now not being run by one single entity anymore. Some had world governments after them for crimes they had committed previously and were still committing to this day. Compound V as well as Temp V had now unfortunately hit the streets so random fresh Supes were turning up everywhere. The world certainly had its hands full when it came to the whole Supe thing. Maybe it was incredibly selfish of you but you were relieved when Ben chose to stay out of the fray and instead concentrate on living the life he’d chosen to live with you and focus on your family.

Your grin grew when your daughter excitedly hurried over to you. “Mama, mama! Did you see the snowman Daddy made?”

“I did, kiddo. He looks great.” You arched a brow over at the snowman though when you noticed something. “Well, just a tiny bit lopsided, but that’s okay. It gives him character.”

Ben huffed, appearing next to you. “I don’t make lopsided snowmen.” He then turned to Violet. “Your mother needs to have her eyes checked.”

“Hey,” you cried out indignantly. “Who are you telling to get their eyes checked, old man? Considering it’s a lop-sided snowman, I say you should get yours checked.”

Ben flashed his teeth in a grin. “My eyes are perfect, like everything else about me.” You couldn’t help your eye roll though in your estimation, he wasn’t too far off the mark. Never aging thanks to Compound V would do that to someone you guessed. You tried not to be too envious when you remembered back to the few gray hairs you’d managed to find coming from your scalp a few weeks back.

Violet was giggling watching the two of you and you couldn’t help but join in her merriment. “Sure,” you teased. “So instead of Frosty the Snowman, we’ll call him Skewy the Off-Balance Snowman?”

Ben sent you a mock glare and you shrugged, smiling, making your daughter laugh again. He handed an old ratty coat to her. “Vi, why don’t you put on the finishing touches so your mom can stop being a critic and finally appreciate our hard work?”

“What? I am appreciating it. I even appreciate that you have to tilt your head a bit to see it straight. Off-kilter is all the rage now, I get it. See? I’m appreciating it.”

Your daughter grinned and took the proffered coat before rushing back over to the snowman.

Hands suddenly on your hips whipped you around and Ben was on you before you could utter another word. He kissed you hard and you swore you could see stars when he finally pulled back, letting you catch your breath. He smirked down at you, muttering “Pain in the ass” good-humoredly, before you both caught movement out of the corner of your eye. You both glanced over in time to see your daughter leap gracefully into the air to toss the coat onto the tall snowman. Ben’s smile was proud and you watched in awe as she landed lithely back down on the ground. As you had wondered often enough when pregnant with her, your daughter had inherited some Supe DNA from her father after all. Something you and Ben both worked hard with her to keep tamped down when in the presence of other children and especially their parents. Your life was blissfully lowkey, normal (as normal as it could be with two Supes in the house), and safe — you and Ben both wanted to keep it that way and you both especially wanted to make sure your daughter’s life continued in that fashion as well. You didn’t want your daughter to be ashamed of her special abilities and Ben was able to teach her restraint, something he had to teach himself long before she was born.

Ben watched as she used her strength to shift the snowman a little to the left so it would indeed be a little straighter. He rolled his eyes at your triumphant smirk but his smile never left as he cupped your face between his hands. “There. Happy?”

“More than you know,” you answered honestly. His smile faded slightly when he realized you meant more than the adjustment to his recent snow creation. You saw an all-too familiar internal struggle play out in his eyes that you had seen often enough over the years, especially lately. When he was making love to you; when he quietly watched you and your daughter working on her homework together; when he found you in the kitchen late at night when you couldn’t sleep and without speaking you’d turn on a slow song from his era and hold out an expectant hand to him; when you wrapped your arms around him from behind in a hug and snuck in underneath his arm as both of you observed Violet playing out in the yard with the dog she’d managed to convince you both to get — you knew what that struggle was and while it might have bothered another spouse that he never properly vocalized his feelings, you more than understood. How could you not after you knew how Ben had grown up, what he’d been taught? He’d made tons of strides over the years to undo all of that programming, but this…this was the hardest for him, and you knew why. So you didn’t push and instead willingly took what he gave you, knowing he was doing the best he could to show you how he felt instead.

You pushed yourself up on your toes and kissed him. “I love you, too,” you whispered, letting him know it was okay; you knew. You felt his thumb glide along your bottom lip as he studied you intently, and you could feel the heat radiating on the sides of your face. “I always forget how warm your hands are.”

He gave you a suggestive smirk. “You better not have forgotten how warm the rest of me is.”

“Might need a reminder,” you murmured, leaning into him.

His smirk widened. “Then you’ll get one.” He kissed you and before you could get too carried away, the sounds of your daughter giggling and calling “Daddy” had you both pulling apart. “Later,” he promised, pecking your lips one last time before looking over at Violet and the snowman whose apparel had changed to wearing her coat and hat instead.

Ben gave her an indulgent smile. “What’d you do, Princess?” Violet giggled again and her father shook his head as he headed over to her. You watched as he picked her up, tickling her and making her squeal in laughter, and you smiled. Life really didn’t get much better than this.

You laughed yourself when Violet tried to tickle Ben back.

Not by a long shot.

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You gave your husband a tired smile when he walked into the room.

“Did she get to school okay?” You asked.

He nodded and removed his coat, hanging it up on the empty hook on the wall.

“And you gave her the envelope I left on the table, right? The one that had her pictures and money for the yearbook?”

“Yeah,” he gruffed out, taking the empty seat next to you and ignoring the curious stares directed his way. Ben was huge and even though he hadn’t been recognized in years, his hulking stature still attracted inquisitive gazes every now and then.

“Good. Thank you for doing that.”

He took your free hand and frowned when you involuntarily shivered.

Your smile was immediately apologetic. “I always forget how warm your hands are.” You gently gestured to your head where a cold cap sat. “This is freezing so with your hands, it felt like I stuck mine over a fire for a second.”

His frown intensified but he let your hand go.

“No, no, it’s fine.” You grabbed at his fingers and intertwined them with yours once again. “I like warm.” You then tried to give him a flirtatious smile. “You know that.”

His responding smile was more of a grimace but he kept his hand in yours. “There anything you need?”

You noticed that once again, he was hardly making eye contact with you while you were receiving treatment. You hated it when he did that though you understood. He hated to see you like this, knowing there was nothing he could do to help you. Correction, nothing you would let him do that is.

You’d found a lump in your breast during a self-exam and you’d gotten it checked out right away. More examinations and tests later, it was confirmed: you had cancer. Thankfully, it was not the aggressive kind but your doctor wanted to go after the tumor just as if it was anyway. Your daughter was only in high school; of course, you agreed to whatever plan the doctor suggested. So now here you were, getting chemo after a successful removal of the tumor.

Ben and Violet had been worried but you assured them that you would be fine, even if you didn’t know that to be true. Ben kept it together in front of your daughter, but once she had gone to bed, you could tell that even though he wouldn’t admit it, he was scared shitless. He knew what cancer meant like everyone else but he didn’t understand the mechanics of the treatments you would be receiving or the rates of survival depending on the ability to remove the tumor and keeping it from spreading versus the percentage rate of success of said surgery and treatments. He asked you question after question after question which you tried your best to answer while trying to keep from falling apart yourself. Eventually, he got frustrated and assured you he would get a hold of some Compound V. Though the government was still currently fighting the sale of the drug on the black market, they had to have some locked away for evidence or testing or they were just simply hoarding it. And if that didn’t work, he planned to track some down and get you a vial. Even if it was only Temp V.

You were horrified at this suggestion. “Ben, no. I’m not taking that stuff!”

“Why? It’ll make you healthy! It’ll get rid of this fucking cancer! Why wouldn’t you take it?”

“I can think of several reasons. If you break in somewhere to steal it, you can get caught and thrown into some max security prison or CIA black op site that I’ll never be able to get to, never mind being able to find, where they’ll keep you locked down with that gas! Or if you get it off of the street or from the black market, you have no idea if it’s been tampered with or if they’ve laced it with anything else. Temp V is completely out of the question, from a legit source or not. Not to mention, we don’t even know if this would work. It might not heal me or it could even kill me instead. That’s why!”

“You don’t know that,” he insisted.

“I don’t care. I’m not doing it, Ben.”

His eyes were darker than usual and he looked as if he was about to say something that you probably would both end up regretting. And sure enough, he did. “You’re fucking taking it and that’s it.”

“Excuse me?” You hissed. “This is my life we’re talking about. My life, my decision!”

“We are your life, goddammit!” He roared. Your eyes began to burn as you held back tears and he noticed the familiar sheen in them. When he spoke next, his tone was a bit quieter but no less firm. “So, it’s our decision. You’re taking it and that’s final.”

He had stormed out of the house after that and you had burst into tears. You knew he could hear you but he didn’t come back. You’d cried out all of the fear and anguish and despair you’d felt since receiving your diagnosis.

It was only later that night when Ben crawled into bed, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you into his body, that he whispered an apology into your ear. You squeezed his forearm, letting him know you’d forgiven him.

“If I can get a hold of some, will you please take it?” He begged.

You thought it over for a moment, weighed the risks heavily against the rewards that it could yield, and then shook your head. “No. It’s too risky. It could kill me, Ben. At least with the surgery and chemo, I have better odds.”

“What if I gave you some of my blood?” You heard his voice break near the end of his question and that shocked you. The entire time you’d known the man, he had never once cried. Not in front of you, at least.

You slowly turned in his arms and while you didn’t see any tears, you saw the shimmer in his green eyes along with pure, unadulterated fear that you’d only seen rare glimpses of over the years: during your pregnancy; the birth; when Violet was a baby and he held her small body in his too big arms, afraid he might break her; when you’d gotten into that car accident on the way to Vi’s dance recital that left you with a few scrapes and bruises; the one time a new Supe in the making claimed to the media that he didn’t believe the death rumors and he was hunting Soldier Boy down in order to prove himself as the strongest Supe which ended up with Ben relocating your family to somewhere even more lowkey (you’d had to talk him out of going to find that damn kid and teaching him a lesson). But now, here it was, naked and laid out plain for you to see. You’d been right; he was scared shitless.

You ran your fingers soothingly through his hair and he briefly turned to kiss your wrist. “We have two different blood types. It wouldn’t work.”

“I could find a scientist that’ll make it work. With all of these watered-down Supes running around, you can’t tell me there isn’t another Vogelbaum out there somewhere studying them. I could nab him and make him help us.”

You gave him a sad smile. “It doesn’t work like that. This isn’t something that can be fixed by some mad scientist or some miracle superhero-making drug.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Ben,” you pleaded. “Please…”

He laid a hand against your face and stared into your eyes. “I don’t want to lose you.” You heard the breaks in his voice again.

A tear slipped down your cheek and he gently wiped it away with his thumb. “One day, you’re going to. Whether it’s now or later, it’s inevitable.”

You could see how hard that hit him, even though you both had known this truth for some time. This wasn’t the first time he’d brought up the possibility of you taking Compound V in your relationship and it wasn’t the first time you’d refused.

He wanted to keep you with him, always. You didn’t want to live forever and once Violet came along, you definitely didn’t want to outlive your daughter. And that was only if the drug was successful and didn’t outright kill you. Not to mention, even if it was successful, who was to say that it would work for you the same way it worked for Ben? Perhaps you could still easily be killed or you would still age. Perhaps your abilities would be completely different to his. He’d offered to get you some Temp V to preview what it would do, but after what you’d seen happen to Billy Butcher from taking that stuff, you refused.

Now, having cancer, as much as that terrified you, you still didn’t want to risk it. The doctors knew you wanted to see your daughter graduate high school. That was enough for you, for now.

You’d watched as Ben compulsively swallowed and pulled you up to meet him. He kissed you and you could feel the desperation, this time layered by a whole new level of it. He’d made love to you that night, the most tender in his touches and movements since the accident. He took his time with you and even though fear clung thickly to both of you, by the end, you felt loved and cherished and warm.

Such a contrast to how you were feeling now. You let out another involuntary shiver and Ben frowned over at you. By now, he would have picked you up and deposited you on his lap, wrapping you in his embrace to warm you up. But he couldn’t due to the goddamn machine and tubing you were connected to. So instead, he got up and laid another blanket over you, leaning in to murmur into your ear, “When we get home, I’ll warm you up.”

He pulled back with a wicked smirk and you gave him a grateful smile before he returned to his seat. You knew he only meant that he would hold you until you warmed up or until he had to pick up your daughter. You were much too tired for anything else, especially after each treatment, something you hated but it couldn’t be helped. You missed being intimate with him, you missed having the energy to do your usual flurry of picking up after your family around the house, you missed being the one to take Violet to school every morning — you missed it all. You lived your life as normally as possible but the tiredness, the lack of energy, the sickness, the effects this drug had on your system…sometimes it was beyond frustrating and that was putting it nicely. But Ben and Vi had been there through it all, ready to help and step in wherever needed. Violet did her chores like always but she also helped her dad whenever he would allow her to. And Ben…well, he had really stepped up. There were zero complaints that men shouldn’t be doing the laundry or the cooking (something that had been a leftover contention point from the early days of your relationship). He did his best to help Vi with her schoolwork if she had any questions and you were napping. He did the picking up around the house now and he took care of you when you got sick, his nose no longer scrunching up at the smell of vomit (something you had noticed when you had morning sickness and he sat with you, rubbing your back; he later explained to you just how sharp his sense of smell was). He did everything you asked him to and even things you didn’t. He had been a pillar of strength and support that you hadn’t even known you’d needed in the beginning.

When he took your hand again, you carefully lifted his and kissed the back of it. “I love you,” you whispered, smiling as you nuzzled his warm skin.

He watched you, a familiar struggle taking place inside of him as a tell-tale shimmer started in his eyes that he didn’t want you to see. By the time you opened yours and looked over at him, the shimmer was gone and a tender smile was in place. “Back at you, dollface.” He leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, staying like that a bit longer than he usually would have. You thought he was telling you what he still couldn’t put into words and he was. But he was also doing his best to warm you up. He’d felt the cold when you’d kissed his hand and rubbed your lips against it. Cold wasn’t something he felt easily so if he felt it, then he knew just how cold you really were. He hated these treatments, how sick they made you, how cold those damn caps made you (at this point, he didn’t care if you lost your hair, it wouldn’t change how he felt about you and he just wanted you warm and alive), he hated that there wasn’t anything he could to make you better — he hated it all. He meant what he’d said to you, when he got you home, he was going to strip you both down and hold you under the thickest, biggest blanket he could find in your house until it was time to pick up Vi from soccer practice. Warming you up, now that was something he could do. Which is exactly why he made sure to keep his lips connected to yours until the ice cold feeling disappeared and some color came back into them. He stared into your eyes, making you a silent promise that he would always chase the cold away and he would keep you here with him, warm, for as long as he could.

You smiled and leaned in to kiss him again, not caring in the least that you might have an audience with other patients and their family members or nurses. You loved Ben with everything you had; you didn’t care who knew it or even saw it.

<-->

“Oh, come on!”

You could hear Ben’s chuckle from the other room and you smiled.

“You cheated!”

“No, I didn’t,” Ben insisted, sounding offended.

“Yes, you did! Dad, admit it!”

“Oh and you didn’t? Those bombs came out of nowhere, right?”

You heard your daughter groan. “It’s battle mode, Dad. You’re supposed to battle it out!”

“We did and I won.” You could practically see the triumphant smile on your husband’s face.

“Yeah, by cheating. What do you think, Rose?”

You could hear the poor girl practically stuttering out her response, trying not to offend either party. “Uh, I think it was…pretty fair…”

“What?” Violet yelled. “You call what he did fair?”

“Y-Yes?”

Ben let out another chuckle. “I knew I liked you, kid.”

You shook your head, smiling to yourself. The two most competitive members of your family had decided to play a video game while you were cooking to help pass the time. Vi had offered to help but you shooed her away since she had brought a friend home with her for the holiday. Ben had looked over at you expectantly, wondering what you would ask him to do, but you’d simply put a beer in his hand and sent him off to entertain the girls. He’d tried to hide his relief as he made his escape but you saw right through him. Thankfully, he didn’t see your own relief. You loved that Ben would do whatever you asked of him when it came to the kitchen, but sometimes he had his own way of doing things (from the time you’d been sick) and it clashed with yours. So, for a meal this large, as much as you loved him, you’d prefer for him to be out of the way. While it was a lot of work, your time to yourself in here was peaceful and you were amused at the bickering you overheard between Ben and Vi. Video games, board games, puzzles — it didn’t matter. If they were involved, there was bound to be claims of cheating by one of them or both, and massive competitive drives. You’d learned long ago to let them battle it out while you would be happy to be in 3rd place in Mario Kart or own St. Charles Place and maybe a railroad during a round of Monopoly. Most of all, though, you loved spending time with your two favorite people in the world, whether they were bickering over a game or competing against each other for a pixelated trophy on the television screen.

You heard voices start to rise slightly, Violet’s in particular. Someone else might have been nervous, especially for the young girl who was your guest, considering two Supes were locking horns, but you weren’t worried. Vi was now in college and thankfully, you’d been in remission for a couple of years. If your family had managed to survive that, you knew they’d overcome any argument over something as silly as who won a race between a plumber and a mushroom man.

But just in case, you called out, “Guys, remember it’s just a game, please. We have a guest.”

Sure enough, Violet lowered her voice but you could still hear her accusing her father who scoffed his denials. You rolled your eyes in amusement.

It wasn’t long before you felt strong arms wrap around you from behind, and lips pressed against your neck. “And the victor returns,” you murmured, smiling and leaning back into him.

“Mm-hmm,” Ben hummed against your skin. “He wants his spoils.” You felt him attempting to lift the hem of your dress and you slapped his hands away.

“Ben,” you hissed. “Not right now with our daughter and her friend in the next room.”

He didn’t let you deter him; he was determined. “Then let’s go upstairs while this bird cooks. The kids can entertain themselves for a few minutes.”

“A few minutes?” You teased. “You mean like this morning?”

Ben had sweet talked you into sneaking out to the garage after you set everything up and put the turkey in the oven. He’d had you up against the hood of your car, his hand covering your mouth as he went to town on you, both of you in a hurry because he’d heard your daughter starting to wake up on the floor above you.

Instead of being insulted or rolling his eyes and glaring over at you, a dirty smirk settled onto his face. “Mmm, that was hot. You were hot. So hot I want to lift this dress up and do that thing with my—”

A loud throat clearing coming from the other room had you both straightening up. Right. Your daughter shared super senses with her father. Whoops. “Uh, Mom? Is dinner ready yet?”

“Uh.” You quietly cleared your throat yourself as you moved away from Ben, making him frown. “Not for another two hours or so.” You had just checked the turkey before you’d been interrupted.

“Okay, well, Rose and I are going to go walk outside for a bit. We’ll be back.”

“Okay, sweetheart. Be careful and make sure to take your coats. It’s cold out,” you warned.

Violet laughed. “Yes, Mom.”

She must have said something too quiet for you to hear because Ben suddenly went rigid. “Listen to your mother,” he added for good measure.

Another laugh. “Sure, Dad.”

You continued prepping dinner and once you heard the front door shut, Ben was on you. “Ben,” you laughed. “I don’t have time!”

He picked you up and moved you to the one area of counter space that wasn’t covered. “Yeah, you do. There’s always time for a quickie.”

“A quickie? Another one of Ben’s infamous life rules?”

He lifted the skirt of your dress over your thighs and quickly worked your underwear down your legs. “Another one of my infamous life rules with you.” You and Ben were used to having the house to yourselves so anywhere, anytime had become a sort of routine you two had. You missed Violet tremendously but you also had time to physically reconnect with your husband.

Almost as if he heard the direction your thoughts were going in, he framed your face with his hands. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured.

You gave him a grateful smile. The truth was, while you were grateful to be in remission and for more time with your family, you had worried about the toll chemo had taken on your body as well as your sex drive. The doctor assured you that while it would take time, there was a good chance you would start to feel normal again. Ben had been understanding but you had been frustrated. However, the doctor was right; it took a while but you started to feel back to normal, libido included.

Luckily, you hadn’t lost a lot of your hair, the cold caps having helped, and once the treatments were over, whatever was gone did indeed grow back. Unfortunately, a lot of gray hair also came with it. You’d wanted to dye it back to your original color but Ben urged you not to. “You look fucking sexy as hell with it,” he’d murmured before you watched him nibble on your ear in the bathroom mirror. You knew his preference for older women, something you knew before you’d even gotten together, walking into the bar you’d found him in and seeing him making out with a grandma one time. So you knew your aging wasn’t an issue; he’d told you often enough that he didn’t care how old you got, he only wanted you. That was why he had wanted you to take Compound V, far before your diagnosis, because he wanted to be with you forever, or as long as forever would be given your actual life span and his. But you were still struggling with all of the changes your body had gone through in the last couple of years and you’d broken down into sobs, letting your face fall into your hands. He’d held you and whispered reassurances into your ear that everything was going to be okay.

And thankfully, he had been right. It had all turned out to be okay. You’d gotten to see Violet graduate, you’d gotten to go on campus tours with her as she decided on a college, you got to drive up with her and Ben to move her into her dorm room, you’d gotten to spend more time with your husband who loved you deeply — you’d gotten more time period.

And here you were, able to cook a full Thanksgiving dinner for your family on your own, and all three of you were thriving. Most people would be stating what they were thankful for on this day but you — the gratitude you felt overwhelmed you and it was something that couldn’t be put into words. You had a beautiful life, a wonderful life, a daughter just as beautiful and wonderful, and you were thankful for the man who had given it to you. Who had laid down his shield (and everything that came with it) and chosen to make this life with you.

You stared into his green eyes, seeing a certain amount of reverence mixed with affection watching you back. You felt his skin warm against yours, reminding you of all of the days and nights he spent trying to keep you warm during and after your treatments, and you smiled. “Your hands are so warm,” you whispered the familiar words. “I always forget how warm they are.”

And as expected, he grinned and responded with, “Not sure how, dollface. I never take them off of you.” He ran a thumb tenderly along your bottom lip. “And I never will.”

He kissed you then and you couldn’t help the tear that escaped and rolled down your cheek. The quickie ended up being not so quick. The turkey was a little drier than you liked but your family ate it all the same while Rose politely complimented you. Violet gave you a nod, smiling, missing her father unapologetically smirking over at you while shoveling forkfuls into his mouth. You gave him a look when your daughter glanced back down to her plate and he chortled before digging in again. You gazed around the table, smiling, content as could be. Gratitude. Thankful. Those were the two words that repeated themselves over and over in your head as you watched your family eat the food you’d cooked for them, even when Violet insisted that Ben had still cheated in Mario Kart, her father told her to let it go, and both agreed to a rematch right after dinner.

This is what you’d wanted back when you gave Ben your ultimatum, but never in a million years did you think you’d actually get to have it. Thankful indeed.

<-->

Being awash in these memories, you failed to notice that a tear was making its way down Ben’s cheek until it fell near your hairline when he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. You didn’t really feel anything that wasn’t pain or cold, except for him. Even his tears were warm. So warm.

“Not sure how, baby,” he answered you, smiling, his eyes wet. “I always have them on you.”

You couldn’t help but smile in return at your familiar exchange. That smile fell, though, when you heard what he said next.

“I’m gonna get him. I promise you that.”

You could see the faint edges of Soldier Boy peeking through as you saw your husband’s green eyes harden in an all-too familiar fashion. You slowly shook your head, even that tiny movement causing you pain. “I don’t want that. I want you and Vi to be safe.”

He looked as if he wanted to argue but thought better of it. Instead, his eyes softened once more and he gave you a nod. “Okay, baby.”

You and Ben had been walking through town, buying last minute Christmas presents. Ben wanted to order them online and avoid the crowds, but you wanted to take a walk, breathing in the fresh air and be imbued with the Christmas spirit that permeated the town. Ben had begrudgingly indulged you and you enjoyed yourself as you bought gifts for Violet, her fiancee, and you even managed to sneak one for Ben when you’d sent him to ask the guy manning the stand in the outdoor market for a price on an item. The woman from the stand next door had just bagged your gift when you noticed a young man walking through the market, commanding everyone’s attention. He had a suit on with a cape so it was obvious he was a Supe and he was looking for something or someone. His eyes flickered in Ben’s direction, who had his back to him, and a dangerous smile formed on his face. Within seconds, you recognized him. He was the Supe you had seen on TV a few years back, though he’d been wearing a different suit then and he wasn’t nearly as bulked up as he was now. He was the one who had been saying he would hunt Soldier Boy down to kill him. You quickly glanced back at Ben who was completely unaware, involved in the discussion he was having with the older man. You saw the Supe’s eyes begin to glow and you knew what would happen before it did.

You dropped everything in your hands and ran as fast as you could towards Ben, yelling his name. He glanced up at you, his brows furrowed, and he tensed seeing your expression. It was mere moments that passed before you were in front of him and you felt a lava-hot feeling erupting from your insides, making you scream.

You fell to the ground and you watched as Ben went to catch you but was forced to let you fall when he looked up to see more lasers coming his way. He moved out of the way just in time. As you lay, unable to move, hearing some of the sounds of battle all around you and people screaming and stampeding out of the market while your ears were still ringing, you prayed to whoever was listening that your husband won and that he and your daughter would be safe.

It wasn’t until you heard something that sounded like a jet taking off into the sky and saw Ben’s boots come to a stop in front of you that you realized he had survived. You nearly cried at the sight of those worn work boots that you kept urging him to replace. He managed to roll you over though you cried out in pain as he did and he settled you onto his lap, his eyes wide as he took in your injuries. Not only could you feel how bad it was, but you could also see it on his face. It was a miracle you were somehow still alive, able to talk even, but you didn’t have long. You didn’t need to be a doctor to know that the rapidly-spreading cold wasn’t a good thing. Your hands and arms were practically numb at this point. And you thought cancer would be the one you’d have to worry about showing up.

“Make sure you take care of Vi. She’s going to need you,” you urged him.

He gave you another nod. “You know I will.”

“And don’t let that asshole find her.”

His jaw tightened and his eyes hardened again. “He won’t.” You knew what that meant but not having much energy left, you could only hope that when he thought back to this moment, he remembered what you had told him you wanted.

It worried you a little when he picked up your hand and kissed your palm that not only could you not feel it, but your hand looked the palest you’d ever seen it, even during chemo.

More tears rolled down your cheeks but you made sure to look up at him. You had no idea how much time you had left but you needed to tell him, you needed him to know. “Tell Vi that I love her and I’m so proud of her.” And you were. Inspired by what had happened to you years back, she became a doctor, specifically an oncologist. She was determined to find a cure and in the meantime, help people who had gotten some of the worst news of their lives. “And, Ben.. Thank you for our life together. Thank you for our daughter. Thank you for everything.”

You could see his eyes beginning to glisten once more and he compulsively swallowed. “I should be thanking you for that.”

“You made the decision to walk away. If you hadn’t…”

“It was an easy decision.”

You tried to give him a smile that probably came out more of a grimace. “No, it wasn’t. But I’m thankful you made it.”

He leaned down to press another kiss to your forehead before staring into your eyes. “I’m thankful for you.”

You tried to smile wider but instead a cough erupted out of you and you could feel something wet on your lip. Ben gently swiped his thumb across it, moving it out of your sight, and a slight panic set in when you realized you could barely feel the action. “Ben,” you croaked. “I’m so cold.” You could barely feel the pain anymore and it felt as if someone had turned on an A/C inside you at full blast and the icy air was making its way up to your head.

Ben attempted to give you a familiar smile. “Then I’ll warm you up, doll.” You heard the breaks in his voice but when he leaned down to kiss you, you let him, taking comfort in the familiar show of affection. You breathed through your nose and you relaxed, feeling the last bit of warmth that was infused into your lips.

Ben stayed there long after you took your last breath, long after you went limp. He knew you were gone but a small irrational part of him told himself that if he just kept trying to chase the cold away for you, he might somehow succeed. But ultimately, as he knew it wouldn’t, it didn’t work. He lifted his head and stared down at you, silently willing you to open your eyes. When you didn’t, more tears fell down his bearded cheeks and a sob tore out of his throat that he had no idea was there waiting to escape. “Baby,” he choked out, shaking you as gently as he could, still mindful of your wounds. But still, nothing. Then he said the words he’d always struggled to give voice to, thinking if nothing else would bring you back, this might. “I love you,” he let out in a broken whisper against your lips. When that didn’t work either, he knew that was it and subsequently broke down, rocking you tenderly in his arms as he buried his face in your neck while his shoulders shook. For the first time ever since becoming a Supe, Soldier Boy cried and didn’t care who saw it or knew about it. He ignored the cries of people looking for their loved ones, he ignored the police cars showing up and the sirens of the fire trucks on their way, he ignored people clamoring around the site asking what happened or trying to help others — he ignored them all. All he focused on was you. You had knowingly put yourself in front of those lasers to save him. …And now you were gone.

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tatianafarenheit · 5 months

Text

Ten years worth of love and pain

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Genre: Angst with happy ending.

Summary: A witch was supposed to be an easy hunt. Nothing you and the brothers haven’t done before. Just that this time the witch managed to strike a chord that set loose to some feelings that you don't know if they were better of buried or spoken out loud. (Im bad at summaries)

Baby’s engine purred lowly in the background alongside one of Dean’s cassettes. None of us spoke a word as he drove, perhaps it was exhaustion or perhaps none of us wanted to speak up in fear that unspoken words would finally catch voice. At that time we were coming back from a hunt. It was near sunset, the sun draping the forest in a warm orange light, the road ahead almost too empty.

I looked over at him and saw how his brows were knit together, an all too familiar dent between them. His eyes although set on the road had a certain emptiness to them. He was in thought, his hands gripping the wheel a bit tighter than usual and his jaw clenched.

“Dean-“ I tried, my voice choked coming out as more of a growl before I quickly cleared my throat. He only shook his head slowly, eyes closing as if he was in pain. “I’m okay..” I continued, an underlying tone of pleading on my tongue. “Don’t, please..” He replied so softly I almost didn’t hear him. I tried to shift in my seat to sit up more upright, a grimace forming on my lips at the sharp sting in my side. I bit back and wince or sharp inhale. I remained quiet, not wanting to push his buttons nor to wake up Sam who was sleeping in the backseat.

I looked out the window, my mind running back to the events of the hunt.

It was supposed to be another witch hunt, a simple, normal, witch hunt. Like we had done countless times before. Only this time we weren’t prepared for what we were about to see.

That witch sent us 10 years into the future as a last action before her wounds would ultimately kill her. Sam, Dean and I waking up in an unfamiliar house. It was home for sure but the feeling of it couldn’t be further from homely. Empty beer cans were scattered around the kitchen, and a pile of unwashed dishes lay in the sink, the air was thick and anyone could tell that whoever lived there hadn’t bothered to open the windows in a long, long time. Warding sigils littered almost every inch of every wall. The only normal thing was a picture, clearly cut of an older Sam, smiling as he embraced what seemed to be his wife.

Sam approached the picture, taking it in his trembling hands as he looked down at it, mouth opening and closing, a pathetic attempt at finding any words. He looked older in that picture but he did not seem spared from the hardships he had to go through. Dean walked behind his brother peering at the picture over his shoulder. With a heavy pat, he softly told Sam that he looked like he finally got the life he wanted. With more questions than before we continued our way through the house.

The living room was nearly empty, with a worn-out couch and a TV running in the background, the volume turned almost all the way up. The coffee table was completely filled with empty casseroles and boxes of fast food. As my eyes traveled to the walls I noticed the newspaper cutouts that were pinned to the walls alongside photos and every kind of evidence. It was clear that whoever lived here was a hunter.

All of us stiffened at the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. We were ready for any kind of supernatural apparition to come through, any kind of monstrosity. We were ready. What we were not ready for was to come face to face with an aged-up Dean. He looked almost ghostly, his once green eyes lost their color, now fading into the heavy bags beneath his eyes. His eyes widened. His hair was longer, a beard coming in. Our Dean took a step back as he looked at himself. Shock, worry, anger, it was all on his face. The other Dean on the other hand only looked at himself with grief before his eyes shifted to Sam. I was behind the two, bewilderment basically oozing off of me. A soft melancholic smile pulled at older Dean’s lips as he took in his younger brother. “Sammy, look at you, haven’t seen that face in years.” He said wanting to reach out only for Sam to back away. Hurt flooded every future of Dean’s face as his brother backed away from his touch. Sam taking a step back revealed me behind him.

My breath hitched as future Dean’s eyes settled on me, his mouth falling open as he let out a choked-out gasp, his eyes softening as his brows knit together. He just approached me without uttering a single word, his hands twitching to reach out. I looked back at him with confusion, my eyes searching for the Dean I knew only to see a hollow shell of what he used to be. When I didn’t back away he bit back a sob, his hands coming up to my face, touching me with such gentleness that he thought I might break.

He said my name then, with an impossible softness. His eyes looking into mine with pure longing I almost forgot how to breathe. His gaze scanned every inch of my face as if he wanted to burn the image in the back of his skull. “You look as beautiful as the day I lost you…” he mumbled, tears pooling in his eyes. I froze then, my muscles stiffening as I looked at him, my heartbeat being the only thing I could hear.

The next thing I knew, our Dean pushed him away. “The hell you mean by that, huh?” His tone was laced with anger and denial. He got in between the two of us. The other Dean didn’t say anything, his features darkening as he looked at the younger version of himself before looking at me once again. “Don’t look at her!” Our Dean shouted, grabbing the older dean by his collar. Sam then tried to pry our Dean away from the other. “You better explain you son of a bitch, what do you mean you lost her?!” He shouted once more, trying to grab at him as Sam constantly shouted at him to calm down. Older Dean only clenched his jaw, his eyes meeting mine again. “I mean we lost her…” he whispered. Our Dean let out a breath of disbelief before looking at me with wide eyes.

I was dead. Ten years into the future I would no longer be alive. I let out a shuddered breath, looking at Dean, mortified. “No, this is not real this is a trick! That witch- this all must be some kind of hex!” Dean said out of breath, words coming out quicker than his tongue could say. Those words, although aimed at me, seemed to be spoken for his own sanity. “It's not.” Older Dean said, eyes now glued to the floor. “What happened?” It was Sam’s turn to speak, his face pale as his eyes shifted from future Dean to me. “We happened like we always do,” Dean said bitterly as he looked at our Dean, anger smoldering behind his irises as he looked at his younger self. He then quickly marched towards him, Sam reacting too late to keep the older Dean back. “You have no idea huh?!” He shouted as he grabbed our Dean. “You think you’re only punishing yourself with this life without looking at the others around you! You selfish son of a bitch!” He shouted once more. Our Dean could only look at his older self, mouth open with no sound coming out. “Your brother! Your friends! Your goddamn wife! It doesn’t matter! You break or kill everything you touch. For years- for fucking years she begged you to leave this life, but you’re too stubborn, so hung up on the past that you ruined HER future-“Before older Dean could finish his speech we all blinked and we were back in that house…back to the present.

Looking around I saw the witch hunched against the wall in a pool of her own blood, her injuries finally getting to her. I started breathing heavily as I finally started to process the information that was poured on top of me just seconds ago. I looked over at Dean only to see him already heading outside with hurried steps his hands rubbing his face with anger. Sam picked himself up with a hiss, holding the side of his arm with one of his hands. I sighed, my eyes wide in confusion as I looked around. I didn’t even know what to feel, in just a matter of minutes, my whole life had been turned upside down. Not only would I be dead in ten years but before that I’d be married to Dean Winchester. Funny…after years of pinning over the man, loving from a distance, knowing that if I dared to pursue more it would end in tragedy. And it seems that I was right. Loving Dean openly has been my damnation.

I let out an almost manic laugh as tears started spilling from my eyes, my hands shaking as I looked at them. Sam’s head shit towards me, as he took in my hunched sobbing but laughing form he dragged himself near me, placing a hand on my back before ultimately hugging me to his chest. I could only sob louder. This was not fair. None of it was fair.

I shook my head, trying to shake away the memories along with it. Dean was still silent, his eyes dead set on the road ahead. He has not addressed me ever since then, the guilt each time he looked at me was almost palpable. I looked at him once more, my eyes softening. “Dean-“ I said again, softly as I tried to catch his attention. His jaw clenched as he closed his eyes for a mere moment. “Just-“ he started but I immediately cut him off with a hiss. “Will you let me talk…please?” I asked, my voice softening with the plea. “I guess there’s no way around it now. You know my feelings for you, feelings I have been trying to put out for years now just because I knew it wouldn’t end well.” He closed his eyes once more, a shaky sigh leaving his mouth. “Please- don’t do this to me-“ he pleaded, his voice cracking as he opened his eyes once more only that now tears stung them.

I shook my head, tears pooling inside my own eyes. “I’m not asking for you to accept them, hell, I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t after tonight but-“ he cut me off once more, his chest now falling and rising rapidly as he obliviously tried to keep his tears back. “I don’t fucking deserve this! Don’t you see! You’ll die because of me! How can you stand there and tell me all that after knowing that I’ll bring your death!” He shouted, no longer caring if Sam woke up. “Because I love you!” I shouted back, my tears now streaming down my face. “Pull the car,” I said with a choked sob and he complied, bringing the Impala to a stop on the edge of the road.

I got out of the car, closing the door before leaning against the hood of it. Dean joined, quickly trying to dry his tears. “I don’t deserve you, your love…I thought about it before but now it’s clear to me,” he said softly as he leaned against the hood next to me. The sunlight bathed him perfectly, his hair shining in the golden hour, his wet eyelashes gleaming. I looked at him, fully aware of how red and puffy my eyes were as I looked into his. “Do you love me?” I asked, my voice soft, my gaze never straying from his. He looked at me, his eyes so sad and full of longing as a scoff of disbelief left from his parted lips. “Y/N-“ he muttered, strain in his voice. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t and I’ll go. I’ll try to forget, to keep myself busy and leave you and this life behind.” I whispered, my hand itching to touch him, to bring him closer, to cling to him as if he would disappear. But I couldn’t do it to him, not now.

He shook his head again, looking away as he rubbed his eyes with his palms. “Why are you making me do this.” He said just above a whisper, his voice cracking. “Because that way I’ll do it for you. Because no matter if I die or not, I’ll never choose to leave you for myself. Never.” I replied softly, my gaze now shifting to the pine trees that were gently swaying in the breeze. “Because the more I thought about it, the more at peace I was…” I sighed. “Don’t you dare-“ Dean growled out. I looked at him with a smile. “It’s the truth…I never knew such love until I met you. I was a weapon, a soldier. All I knew was hunting, killing, blood, and bruises. You’re the one who taught me that there is more, that I can laugh and have some time in which I didn’t need to be a hunter, just me. And I was enough for you, it was more than enough for me. And each night since the moment we’ve met on that hunt I asked myself if I even lived before I ran into you and your brother.” I whispered out, a smile making its way onto my lips at the memories. “That's why- knowing that there is a future where I can allow my feelings to take form- even if it means death- I couldn’t help but long for it. I want to love you like I itch to do. To be able to tell you each morning how much you mean to me, for my hands to be free of the shackles that I’ve placed upon myself…” I continued, my gaze shifting towards his again, my smile turning awkward and mournful. “But I’ll never hold any of that above you. As I said, say you don’t want this and I’ll leave.” I said softly.

“God that’s the problem-“ Dean said loudly. “Even after hearing all of that- my first thought wasn’t that I needed to get you away from me, all I could think about was having you like that!” he growled out his hands curling into fists as he talked. “He was right, I am selfish. You don’t know for how many months I longed after you, how many nights I went to sleep with the thought of you next to me! How much I have held back my touch just because I knew that once I put my hands on you I’d never let go.” He breathed out, his loud tone dying as his words spilled. “But- the one thing that kept me away was the thought of you dead and cold because of me…and it seems I was right…” he said choked up. “I can’t do this to you- won’t do this to you…” His hand cupped my cheek, his touch soft and shaky as he ran his thumb over my skin, his eyes taking me in as if he wanted to burn that image into the back of his skull. “I can’t lose you.” He said, his voice cracking even more.

I placed my hands on top of his, leaning into his touch. “Tell me to leave,” I whispered against his palm. He shook his head, pain throbbing in his chest. “Then tell me you love me,” I whispered once more after, looking up at him through my lashes. In that moment I saw something in him snap, a decision being made behind his eyes. The next second he pulled me in, kissing me with such need and longing I felt every cell in my body cry out for him. His lips were so soft against mine, the hand that was cupping my cheek now cradling the back of my head. In that moment it all felt right, like this was how it was meant to be. He pulled away with a soft gasp for air.

“Please- don’t let me have this.” He whispered against my lips. “But I want you to have it- I yearn to give it to you all,” I whispered back, my hands cupping his face as we stared at each other. “Promise me you won’t die.” He said again, tucking a strand of stray hair behind my ear.

“I promise I won't.”

(Hope you enjoyed)

#dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x you #angst with a happy ending #i just want them to be happy

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tatianafarenheit · 1 year

Text

You before Me pt 2

Pair: Xavier Thorpe x Fem! Dhampir! Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, and more angst.

TW!!!!: borderline suicidal reader, future mentions of substance abuse and self-harm, nail-picking?

Summary: ‘In a spiraling pit of melancholy and comforting sadness, Y/N tries to let herself go slowly. Y/N continuously refuses any help from her close friends, thinking that if they should see her at her core they would be horrified and leave her behind, bare and alone. Ultimately, Xavier manages to change her mind and help her reach a conclusion’

Part 1!

Y/N's mother has always been a hopeless romantic, telling her sweet daughter what it'll be like to fall in love one day. How the world around her will take color, air will be lighter and touches sweeter. What her mother didn't warn her about tho was the excruciating pain that'll be in her heart when she'll see the person she loves fall for another. How thin her veins will get when she'll see her love stare at them with so much adoration, so much burning want and desperate need.

It all happened all of a sudden too. One moment she was laughing with Xavier as he continued on his mural and then the next...she...started playing. Xavier was completely mesmerized, a smile pulling at his lips as he rose his head, looking for the source of the sound. Y/N couldn't deny the talent Wednesday had, she was incredible, what hurt her wasn't the fact that Xavier acknowledged that fact as well, but that his gaze held so much praise and woe that she couldn't help but want him to look at her the same way. He stopped his work, the work he never pulls his eyes away from until he's satisfied, she...she made him pull his gaze away.

Y/N hated jealousy and yet here she was, almost green as she thought about the Addams girl. In hindsight she knew that Wednesday's intention was not to make him fall for her, she wasn't actively pursuing him, and yet she had him hooked from the moment he laid his eyes on her. THAT. That was what Y/N was jealous of.

With a sigh followed by a tight smile, Y/N got up from her position. "I'll let you continue your work." She said before going towards her room considering it was rather late as well. "Yeah..uhh, no problem." He said, not even taking his eyes away from her balcony. With a nod, Y/N left for her room.

"You have to come, attendance is mandatory!" Enid said happily "The Harvest Festival is gonna be great, I can't wait to get out and have another reason to hang out with Ajax alone!" Y/N laughed "Yeah I can understand why you'd be happy about that, just make sure that Ajax actually gets the memo this time, will you? You could tell that guy that you like him and he'll answer with 'Oh dude! Totes, I like you too bro, you like a brother to me'" Enid laughed "Yeah, he's rather clueless isn't he?" Y/N chuckled as well, looking out the window in her room towards the courtyard. "Clueless doesn't even cut it." Y/N almost whispered as she tried to look for a certain artist near the archery field.

"Hmm..what should I wear?" Enid asked but once she saw Y/N staring out the window, she immediately knew what, or rather who she was looking for. Making her way towards her, Enid sighed. "You can ask him to go with you, you know?" Enid said softly, leaning her head against Y/N's shoulder. Y/N hummed in thought before shaking her head with a sigh, tearing her gaze away from the window. "It would be pointless, his eyes are fixed on Wednesday, Enid. You should've seen him yesterday...I never saw him look at someone like that before." Y/N said, sitting down on her bed, eyebrows furrowed and fingers picking at the nails. "His eyes, they were so wide and happy Enid- It would be foolish of me to even try to make him look at me." Y/N continued, eyes fixed on her hands.

Enid placed her hands over hers, intertwining her fingers with Y/N's. "And what do you think will happen if you try? It's not like-" "He won't have me, Enid." Y/N said with a gaze so full of meaning and emotion that Enid didn't dare stop her. "I won't be that selfish, even if he was to come to beg me I won't allow him the pain of being with me-" Enid opened her mouth to speak, sympathetic eyes wide as they looked at Y/N. "And I know what you're gonna say, that it's not true and that he'll be lucky to have me but what he said that day- he was right, none of you should have to worry about someone...like me." "Like you how?" Enid asked, concern growing.

Y/N stared into her eyes, awkwardness written on her face. Her mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish, trying to find the right words. "...troubled?" Y/n almost asked. "Now you listen to me Y/N L/N!" Enid said grabbing her face before pulling it closer to hers, so close they felt each other's breath. Enid stared into her eyes with such determination that Y/N's mouth fell agape. "You. are. not. a. bother." Enid's fingers dug into Y/N's flesh "We all care for you so much not because we feel a certain obligation to, but because you'd do the same! Hell Y/N how many times were you there when I cried on your shoulder? Hmm? How many times were you there for that ass Xavier? The bastard doesn't realize how much you've had to rebuild him during and after Bianca, you were basically his life support! We care for you because you deserve it Y/N, no other reason." Enid finished with a smile before dragging Y/N into a hug.

Crowds never were Y/N's thing. There were just too many stimuli when that many people gathered in one place. The noises, the lights, the smells, and the amount of movement always seemed to dry Y/N's battery quickly. Even so, Y/N didn't have a choice but to show up, getting in trouble with Principal Weems was not one of her goals. "You sure you can trust that normie?" Enid asked Wednesday with a grimace as she looked at Tyler Gapin, the boy who worked at Weathervane Cafe. "I trust that I can handle myself." replied Wednesday. Fair enough. "Well, good luck and safe travels!" Said Enid with a smile, going in for a hug that Wednesday clearly wanted nothing to do with. "Yeah, be safe." Said Y/N to Wednesday although a feeling in her gut told her that this won't be the last time The Addams girl and she will be seeing each other.

Enid and Y/N left together to walk through the festival. Y/N spotted a stand that had as a prize a huge bunny plush. Stopping in her tracks to look at the game Enid giggled as she followed her gaze. "What? You wanna win that for Xavier?" "Huh? I uhh- I mean do you think he'll like it?" Y/N asked, still eyeing the plush considering if it was worth the effort or not. "Oh, I'm sure he'll like it! I think you should go ahead!" With a nod and a shy smile, Y/N listened to Enid. The game was easy enough, throw the darts at the balloons, pop them all and you win. "Watch this," Y/N said to Enid with a chuckle while cracking her knuckles. Grabbing a dart she aimed and et voila, it hit, and so did the rest. Enid clapped happily as Y/N bowed "Merci~ Merci~". After Y/N was handed the prize Enid eagerly grabbed Y/N's elbow, dragging her in search of Xavier.

And they found him alright, they found him talking to Wednesday. They were close enough to hear the conversation "You should know I'm waiting for someone." Said Wednesday, clearly uninterested. "Oh yeah, who's the lucky guy or girl?" Xavier asked, clearly a bit saddened by the blunt disinterest of the girl. That was enough for Y/N to hear. Looking at Enid she handed her the plush. "I hope Ajax will like it, if not I'd be happy if you kept it as well." Said Y/N, sadness laced in her tongue. "Ajax?-" Enid was about to ask, confused as to why her friend mentioned him. Y/N then smiled and pointed Enid in the direction she saw Ajax, lo and behold, he was there. Enid's eyes immediately brightened as she saw him and shoving the rabbit back into Y/N's hands she ran towards Ajax while shouting to her "GIVE IT TO HIM!"

With a smile and a sigh, Y/N's eyes dropped to the rabbit in her hands. 'How embarrassing' she thought as she stroked the plush.

Y/N was happy that she found a bench that was more secluded from the rest of the Festival, her ears still ringing from the unbearable noise. "Cute bunny. Who won it for you?" A voice asked, startling Y/N. She was so lost in thought that she didn't even hear them approach. Xavier stood next to her, sitting down on the bench with a sigh as he looked at the Festival.

Y/N chuckled "I won it actually." looking up at Xavier with amusement in her eyes, only to break the contact as soon as he looked back at her. "Really? Who for?" Xavier asked as he leaned in closer wanting to hear her better. Y/N sighed in embarrassment looking in any direction except his. Xavier laughed "C'mon tell me! Who got you so shy?" Xavier asked.

Y/N eyes then met his and for a second Xavier could swear he felt his heart skip a bit but before he could rationalize it Y/N spoke. "Well.." Xavier leaned in even closer, surprising even himself with how invested he was. Y/N then playfully shook her head with a frown on her face. "Nah, I don't think you're ready to know." "Y/N, seriously, not cool. Tell me! You can't hook me in like that and then brush it off!" Xavier said with a grin on his lips, even if he acted annoyed, deep down he liked this cat-and-mouse game. He wanted to know so he had to know. Even so, there was a certain burning in his stomach at the possibility of Y/N liking someone. He couldn't pinpoint what it was. Anxiousness? Giddiness? No- Perhaps jealousy? Xavier did not know and neither did he want to know.

"What do I get in return if I tell you? I can't give away such classified information without me getting something in return." Xavier sighed, looking into her eyes thinking of something he could give in return. "How about..you can have any of my paintings, hmm?" He asked, hoping the girl will be satisfied. Y/N scrunched her nose with a smile. "Nah, not enough." Xavier dropped his head in thought before looking at her through his lashes "You're infuriating, you know that?" Y/N's knees went WEAK, thank god she was sitting otherwise he would've had to pick her up from the ground. With fire in her veins and her heart pounding in her chest, she stared into his eyes, a smirk pulling at her lips. "Fine I'll tell you.." she said with a roll of her eyes, waving at him to come closer.

He leaned in, her breath brushing against his ear. He almost shivered at the proximity and he swear he could feel his cheeks heat up. "I like..." He leaned in even closer, his cheek brushing against hers as he placed a hand on her leg for support. He felt his palms as they were getting sweaty and his hammering heart did not help either "Your moooom." Y/N whispered playfully. Xavier went silent, pulling away just to look at her. "Seriously? Not funny, Y/N." "Admit it was just a bit funny. Please?" Y/N looked at him with doe eyes and a quivering lip, obviously ironic.

Xavier shook his head with a smile. "Fine don't tell me then." He said with a laugh, pulling away from her. Y/N laughed as well "Okay seriously this time." Xavier then looked at her again, green eyes piercing hers. "I got it for you," Y/N said in the calmest tone she could muster, shoving the stuffed bunny into his hands. With a gaping mouth, Xavier looked down at the bunny in his hands with confusion "For me- but why?" he asked, brows furrowed but with such soft eyes. Y/N simply shrugged as her hands nervously rubbed against each other "Just thought you might like it." Xavier's face lit up as he looked at her and the bunny again, a wide grin spreading across his face. "You're kidding?! I love it, Y/N!" She looked at him as he stroked the bunny with such a contagious grin she felt like disintegrating. How the hell was she supposed to tell him that she was so infatuated and in love with him that she can barely breathe when she was not next to him? How can she tell him how each night she misses him, unbearably, deeply, painfully, senselessly? How he plagues her dreams and haunts her mind.

Xavier looked at her again, breaking her train of thought while his just started. The more he looked at her the more conflicted he felt. She was always the one person who he could never tell how he felt about. Sure, he cared for her, deeply, she was there for him every single damn time he needed. But why does his heart ache when he looks at her? Why does his mouth go dry when she looks at him like that? Her eyes so intense and oh so gentle that he just wanted to kiss them and hug her to death whispering sweet nothings against her hair.

He long forgot the line between platonic and romantic feelings when it came to her. He had too much to lose if she was to turn away and even Xavier himself didn't realize that what he felt for her was more than the infatuation he had with Wednesday, he blocked his feelings so much he couldn't tell just how in love he was with her. He always brushed his feelings off as just platonic in a futile attempt at shielding himself. Never realizing that the girl in front of him held so much affection for him that if he was just to give her a crumb of his she'd forever be bound to him.

"I'm glad you like it then," Y/N said with a smile, eyes now locked on the hands on her lap. Xavier clenched his jaw as he looked at her, a devastating need to touch her overcame him. He suddenly grabbed one of her hands gently. "Let's go and see what else there's around this Festival." He said with a smile that was quickly returned by Y/N as he dragged her off the bench. At that moment, as she looked at him she thought that if she was ever to lose him, he would be the last nail in her coffin.

Xavier's ignorance was to be Y/N's demise, the more time he spent without realizing and confessing his feelings for her, the more Y/N's heart will crack and more sleepless nights should haunt her. Before he could realize she'll shut herself from him completely to shield herself. He will continue on believing he did a good thing by not telling her in a desperate attempt of finding some kind of consolation. He will look for her in everyone hoping that he'll see a similar trait that will bring her back to him even for a second. No longer will his head be supported by her shoulder and never again was she to humm at his call of her name. As much as he will deny his heart will always undoubtedly ache for her, craving her gentle touch and to hear her voice once more.

All that it takes for that to not happen is for one of them to bear their feelings to the other.

#xavier thorpe #xavier x reader #xavier x you #xavier x y/n #wednesday #xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe x you #xavier thorpe x y/n #wednesday addams

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tatianafarenheit · 1 year

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Preview ‘You before me’ Pt.2

#xavier x y/n #xavier thrope x you #xavier thorpe #xavier x you #xavier x reader #xavier thrope fanfic #xavier thrope x reader

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tatianafarenheit · 1 year

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You before Me pt 1

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Fem! Dhampir! Reader

Genre: ANGST, Hurt/future comfort, future fluff

TW!!!!: borderline suicidal reader, mentions of violence and blood, future mentions of substance abuse and self-harm.

Part 2

Time passes so quickly and yet it's becoming harder and harder to find any kind of comfort or warmth in the day. Everything seems the same, every day repeating itself over and over and over...It was exhausting. The years at Nevermore passed so quickly and Y/N was scared of the fact that she was in her prime years and she was not making enough memories. Not because she didn't have any people that she could make them with but because she felt a sickening comfort in staying in her shell, in her own little dark but oh-so-familiar corner.

A new semester started at Nevermore and nothing changed other than the addition of the new brooding girl, Wednesday. Y/N heard about the new girl from her close friend, Enid, whom she kept very close to because of their shared feelings of not fitting in with the rest. Just as Enid didn't feel as though she belonged with the rest of the werewolves because she didn't yet 'wolf out', Y/N didn't fit in with the vampires because of her blood. Being half vampire and half normie left her with a bitter curse of not fitting in with anyone, too much of an outcast to fit in with the normies, and too much of a normie to fit in with the outcasts. She pretended not to hear the petty comments made about her by the rest of the students. 'I didn't know they let in normie mutts in' or the usual 'I heard her parents ditched her here because neither of them could handle having to see the product of their mistakes.'

In truth no one knew about her background, no one understood why the girl was here and why she was the way she is. Her close friends like Enid, Ajax, Xavier and a few others cherished her because they were able to separate the rumors from the actual person. They interacted with her and saw just how kind, warm, and joyful the dhampir girl really was.

Even so, Enid was the first to see through Y/N eyes, there was an unmistakable sorrow behind her gaze, a cold and miserable emotion that showed itself every now and then, disappearing as quickly as it appeared. She tried to reach out to Y/N, asking her to open up about the sadness in her eyes but it was all in vain, Y/N always dismissed her with a smile, a wave of the hand, and a cracking voice that said 'Pffft, it's nothing, I promise!'

- The first class of the day was fencing, one of her favorites. In truth she knew she had an advantage over others, seeing her powers. She was faster, stronger overall more perceptive to her surroundings. Y/N wasn't the most studious girl but when it came to anything physical she aced it. She also liked it because it was one of the only times her mind was quiet, the rush of adrenaline that came with sparring with someone numbed her brain. Y/N was not one to brag but if anyone was to ask who was the best at fencing in the school everyone would either reply with Bianca or Y/N.

The class was already in session when she entered, Bianca beating the crap out of Rowan, publicly making a joke out of the poor boy. Y/N marched toward her.

"Seriously coach, when will I get some real competition?" Bianca said. Xavier looked at Wednesday seeing her open her mouth but before she could say anything Y/N spoke up. "I can go up against you, you know, the real competition you claim not to have." Bianca looked at the girl, her face immediately shifting to one of disgust and hatred. "Oh, it's the mutt...Why am I not surprised." Y/N may have been rather closeted and overall quiet but one thing she wasn't gonna let Bianca do was to walk over her. "Too afraid? Oh no, it's fine, I get it, picking on someone your own level must be very difficult for you." Y/N said with mock, scoffing at the siren.

"I never said I was afraid-" "Then prove it." Y/N bit back, already getting her helmet on. Bianca clenched her jaw, doing the same.

They both got into position waiting for the signal to start and once it did Y/N flashed toward Bianca who could just barely stop the girl's attack. Strike after strike it seemed like the fight would never end until Bianca got too bold, swiping at the girl's head only for her to duck and touch Bianca with her saber right in the middle of her chest. "One point to Y/N!" The coach said.

It soon started again, saber colliding with saber too many times to be counted, Y/N hits seemed to be fueled by such anger that everyone could swear they could see sparks flying between the blades. Y/N vision started to get a bit blurry as an immense headache started. The girl groaned as Bianca was going quickly in for another hit, quickly turning out of the way, Y/N tapped Bianca on her back with the saber. "Two points for Y/N."

Both of them taking their helmets off, Y/N bowed to Bianca out of respect while panting, her face slightly scrunched up in pain. Bianca just scoffed as she left the room with heavy steps. Enid was the first to notice how pale Y/N has gotten and was the first to start running to her side, but before she could be reached Y/n's knees already buckled and she fell to her knees, holding herself with one arm so she would not fall down completely. "Y/N!" Enid shouted with horror. Xavier's head immediately turned to look at the girl, only to see her hunched posture. He and Enid reached her the quickest, Ajax not too far behind. "Take her to the infirmary!" The coach shouted, helping the girl up before quickly running to keep the doors open for them to take her there. Xavier picked Y/N up, carrying her in her arms as the other two quickly followed him. Looking down at her Xavier almost gasped at how dull her skin looked and how devoid of any light her eyes were, she was struggling to keep them open. Y/N groaned in pain, digging her nails into Xavier's shoulder. "Shh, we're almost there, I got you, I promise!" He quickly said noticing how much pain the girl was in.

Once there, the nurses quickly instructed Xavier to lay her down on the bed so they could start working on her. "What's wrong with her?!" Enid asked loudly with fear in her voice. The nurses shone a light into Y/N's eye, the pupil dilated abnormally. Her temperature dropped down even below vampire standards. "She's in thirst, she probably hasn't fed in weeks." The nurse said with a frown. "But how is that possible, I thought that you guys offered students rations?" Xavier asked hyperventilating, trying to make sense of how it was possible for Y/N to reach this state. "We do..." The nurse said in disbelief as well.

It was all foggy when Y/N opened her eyes. Groaning, the girl made an effort to support herself on her elbows. "You shouldn't move any more!" A familiar voice said, Enid. A hand gently pushed her back again. Y/N simply sighed, not having any will to fight back. With a swallow, the girl's eye's opened quickly, that taste....blood. Y/N wanted to cry and scream once she realized why she was awake right now. They fed her. Only after tears threatened to spill did she look behind Enid only for her eyes to meet Xavier's and Ajax's. "The nurses said you haven't fed in weeks Y/N." Xavier almost bit, clenching his jaw as he waited for the girl to reply. Y/N faked cluelessness. "Really? It's been that long? I didn't even realize..." She mocked surprise. Xavier scoffed, not buying it. "Yeah, alright, keep that narrative up." He said with poison-laced in his tone. He was not angry at her per se but rather at how little she took care of herself, it wasn't the only time he noticed her self-destructive behavior. His worry came across as very aggressive. "You need to get yourself together Y/N." "Xavier-" Enid was about to scold him "No, she needs to snap out of it, we shouldn't have to see her destroying herself when she doesn't even ask for help." He said before grabbing his coat and leaving the room. To say that Enid was fuming was an understatement. Her eyes then looked at Ajax's like a silent plead. "I'll go talk to him." Ajax nodded.

Y/N was quiet, her eyes completely zoned out, and the only thing that gave away her real feelings was the rogue tear that did escape her eye. "Oh Y/N..." Enid cried, hugging the girl tightly to her chest. "I'm fine Enid, I swear-" "No you're not!" Enid shouted painfully, sobbing "Why won't you just let us help you, you can't keep on pretending everything is okay!" Enid continued, grabbing both of Y/N's hands as she stared deeply into her eyes. Y/N smiled sorrowfully at the girl "My pain is mine and mine alone to bear, Enid...I can't..." Y/N said urging the girl back into another back, wishing to ease her worry. Enid relaxed in her embrace, she knew there was no way of prying Y/N's secrets out so she chose just to hug her. At this moment, it was all she could do.

Y/N spent the rest of her day in the infirmary, Enid, reluctantly left to continue her classes at Y/N's request. The dhampir wanted to scream and rise havoc, to rip and tear everything around her, and yet she was as quiet and still as a statue, if the nurses didn't see her they would surely believe she wasn't there anymore.

"Y/N!" a voice broke her from her trance. "Someone's here to see you." From behind the door, Xavier emerged, a shameful look in his eyes, his posture almost screaming how uncomfortable he was. "Hey, uhh... I just wanted to apologize about earlier...I shouldn't-" Soon his voice was interrupted by Y/N. "It's fine Xavier, you have nothing to apologize for, you were right." She smiled at him. "But I was out of place and mean and-" "Xavier, I said it's okay, now sit!" Y/N said playfully, patting the chair next to her bed. Xavier gave up with a sigh, a shy awkward smile forming on his lips as he did as the girl instructed.

After a few seconds of silence, Xavier spoke up. "How are you feeling?" Y/N wanted to cry at how soft his voice was, eyes wide and full of concern as they looked into hers. Y/N smiled again, patting his hands that were nervously rubbing against each other. "I'm fineee, don't worry about me, I'm tougher than you think." The girl said with a smirk as she raised her head up, faking pride. Xavier chuckled, head dropping to look at her hand on his. "Yeah, you're right. You really showed Bianca today, never really got to praise you about that." he continued, worry visibly leaving his gaze when he saw Y/N so bubbly. Y/N tutted while stretching. "What can I say? Putting her in her place is my favorite activity." She chuckled in unison with Xavier. The girl's face dropped just for a second as she thought about something. "So Wednesday, huh? You've been really staring at her today." Y/N said with a laugh. Her heart clenched as she saw the way his face lit up once he heard her name, his skin getting a pinkish tone. "Pfft, yeah, no, there is just something about her. You just want to know more...you know?" He explained, so enamored with the idea of her that even his body couldn't handle staying in one place, arms flying as he spoke and eyes darting to look anywhere but her own. "Definitely." The girl answered, masking her pain. "So what's your plan to impress her? Perhaps a large painting, or hmm.... drawing lessons?! That would be a good idea!" Y/N spoke, Xavier fell for her fake excitement, laughing at her words "Don't give me any ideas!"

"Y/N, your stats are looking good! You can leave." The nurse said before making her way back to her desk. Y/N looked at Xavier with smugness. "I told you, I'm like a goddamn tank." Y/N flexed her nonexistent muscles before trying to get up. As soon as she was on her feet her knees buckled, Y/N almost losing her footing. Xavier caught her quickly, supporting her with his arm "Like a tank, huh?". Y/N rolled her eyes. "Shut up and just help me get to my dorm." the girl said with a laugh.

The way to the dorm was a peaceful one. Y/N took advantage of it as much as she could, knowing damn well that Xavier won't hold her as close ever again after this moment. He on the other hand looked down at her questioning why her touch was so comfortable to him, why did his heart somehow lighten as she gripped his arm. 'It's just because we're close' he thought. Reaching the dorm made Y/N's stomach drop, she didn't want this moment to end. She wanted to keep on holding his arm forever, for his presence to always be next to her. She wished that just this once to be selfish, but no, she would not allow it, not with a soul such as his. With pins and needles in her heart, she let go of his arm, looking up at him with a such hidden longing that a small part of her wished that he would see and accept it. She wished for him to crawl inside her soul, find her where she is more ruined and for him to love her there. 'All selfish desire' she thought.

"Thank you, Xavier, I'll see you tomorrow?" Y/N asked with a quivering smile. Xavier stared at her, also wishing he could stay more with her but ultimately decided to let the girl rest. "See you tomorrow." Xavier nodded with a smile. His eyes then stared into her's and before he could stop himself his arms wrapped around her, dragging her closer to him as he enveloped her in a hug, his head resting against hers. "Don't scare me-, us....like that again," Xavier whispered against her hair and Y/N wanted to melt, to cry and pull at him to just take her whole already. But instead, her eyes just widened with tears as her hands clenched into fists against his back. "I won't...I won't.." She whispered oh so quietly that he almost couldn't hear her. Xavier then cleared his throat and let go of her, gaze dropping to his shoes as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Goodnight Y/N." He said before turning and leaving towards his own dorm. Y/N just stood there, watching his figure go further and further away. Wiping her tears away she made her way to her bed..she would not be able to sleep that night.

#xavier x y/n #xavier thorpe #xavier x you #xavier x reader #wednesday #angst #xavier thrope x you #xavier thrope fanfic #xavier thrope imagine

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tatianafarenheit · 2 years

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Drawing Jinx from Arcane

Art IG: @mymostbeloved_mydear

#arcane #arcane jinx #arcane powder #jinx league of legends

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tatianafarenheit · 3 years

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Without Reserve

Daryl x Reader

Pronouns used: she/her

Genre: Angst, comfort, fluff

Tw: implied suicidal thoughts, violence, gore and profanity.

Before Daryl could react Y/N already shut the door behind her with a heavy slam that was soon followed by the sound of the door knob clicking. ‘Did she just lock me in here?’ Daryl rushed at the door, pulling desperately at the knob hoping that somehow it would magically open. “Y/N! GOD DAMN IT UNLOCK THE DOOR!” Fuck the rage, ice cold fear now contaminated Daryls sanity, flashing images of Y/N being ripped apart just on the other side of the metal door drove him mad like a dog, pointlessly pulling and kicking the piece of metal.

On the other side Y/N saw red, her axe smashing trough the skull of any poor walker that was in her field of vision. Her muscles were moving on their own, years of combat now coming in naturally. This is why she actively seeked out danger, it was the only thing that made her brain quiet, no thoughts of guilt, remorse or even regret flashing trough her mind whenever she was in a life threatening situation. The primal instincts shut all of that out, adrenaline pumping in her veins, dulling anything unnecessary and only focusing on her vision scent and hearing. To everyone else she seemed mad, like killing walkers was giving her some sick pleasure when actually its just a sickeningly dangerous escape mechanism. She couldn’t stand herself anymore, ever since she and the rest of the group arrived in Alexandria shes been haunted. Ghosts of the past plagued her dreams, every single one of her fallen friends blaming and shaming her each time she closed her eyes. She couldnt take it anymore, she desperately needed closure but the only person who could provide her with that chose to turn their back on her…we are of course talking about Daryl.

He himself has been dealing with a lot of shit since their arrival but his escape mechanism was to push everyone away and build his walls higher and thicker. Even if it was hard, especially whenever he first started pushing Y/N away and he’d witness how for the first time her face transformed from sweet content to incredible confusion and sadness because of him, but he knew he had to do it. He couldn’t sleep that night, the picture of Y/N’s frown and teary eyes burned into the back of his skull, only burning harder whenever he dared close his eyes…but he will to get used to it, he had to.

Now it all came to bite him in the ass, he was driving himself up the walls, pacing around and shouting for Y/N to open the door. His shoulder was now numb and bruised from how many times he threw himself into the door trying to open it but to no avail. His breathing was labored as his hands dug into his hair, pulling harshly against the brunette strands. Is been a good 5 minutes now and the sounds still did not stop, the grunting followed by heavy slashing sounds and blood splattering were ringing in his ears. What will it mean when the sounds end? He was terrified of the answer and all he could do was to throw himself against the door again and again and again- he wasn’t thinking straight anymore and he knew it but hell to rationality, he wanted to get to he, HE NEEDED to get to her.

The sounds soon stopped and thats when a strangled sob left his mouth as he threw himself against the door one last time, and as if God heard his prayers the damned door finally gave in. Daryl stumbled out the door in an unimaginable haste, his eyes frantically scanning the room that was now full of dead walkers piled one on top of each other. The walls were no longer gray as when they first stepped into the pharmacy, they were now full of deep red blood, tricking off of them. “Y/N?!” He shouted for her with a choked gasp, his throat tightening even more when he didn’t see Y/N from the second he stumbled into the room. There was no response and thats when Daryl started digging trough the bodies with a tear blurred vison, his fingers trembling as they shoved and grabbed walkers, moving them to try to find Y/N or what was left of her. The sound of a lighter was what woke Daryl up, he looked to the side of the pharmacy and thats where he saw Y/N crouched and leaned against the wall, her face full of blood just like her leather jacket. Nine, her axe was just lying on the floor a meter away from her. A cigarette hanged loosely from her lips as she lazily tried to light it up.

A trembling sigh left his lips as he made his way towards her. “You scared the shit outta me Y/N!” He shouted, his heart continuously trying to slow down. With trembling limbs he made his way towards her, ‘she’s alright, shes alive, shes still here’ he said over and over in the back of his mind like a mantra, hoping that the needles plunging trough his heart will son bore of their torture and go away. “The hell was that huh?! Whyd you lock me in there for?! You have a death wish or somethin?!” He now growled, his words emphasized by the thumping of his boots against the floor. Y/N didnt look up, her hair was covering her face as she still tried to light the cigarette with an empty lighter. “Hey! Im talkin to ya!” He shouted as his legs finally came to a stop. Thats when he fully took a look at her, her lighter wasn’t empty, her trembling bloodied hands were at fault for the lack of flame. Heavy short breaths rushed out of her nose and rose her chest. That’s when Daryl also noticed that blood was not the only thing dripping from her face…she was crying.

He didn’t speak up after that, his eyes immediately adverted from her broken figure, he didn’t know what to do. The ache in his chest started to grow again with each second he breathed next to her.

His accusations rang in her ears made defending by the fact that Daryl was right, wasnt he? She did in fact have a death wish it was just that she hasnt learnt how to accept it or rather she couldnt find any more means to fight it. She could no longer find comfort in Daryl as she used to, back then before Alexandria his presence used to bring an overwhelming comfort and warmth to her, now he was painted in muted shades of gray. He felt cold and out of touch or more likely he was just unapproachable. It wasn’t because he has changed but rather that she thought that he no longer saw her the same. He used to make her feel listened to and he used to be so soft now… she felt like a burden, a pathetic tainted image of what she used to be. His gaze felt full of judgement and repulsion, just like everyone else’s nowadays. So? What else did she have to live for now if the only person that she cares for in such a tender manner now completely despises her existence. This was her ultimatum, the last piece of her goodbye note.

“You never answered my question..”. She spoke so, so weak, no more fight was to be found in her voice. Daryl turned around at that, brows knitting together in thought of her words “What?” He asked just as softly, his voice laced with confusion. “What else do i have to hold on to?” Y/N spoke, her red puffy and dull eyes now making contact with his. He was taken aback by the lack of emotion in her stare, not a hint of light shone in her tired gaze. Daryl shifted his body towards hers again, his mind racing trying to find an answer that might be able to satisfy her. “Everyone else back at Alexandria. They all need ya, Y/N, more than ya think they do.” His stare flattered as he spoke, his eyes breaking contact with hers as they opted for the floor. She only scoffed. “What I do is not difficult to replace, Daryl… Anyone can kill walkers and be a hunter, im nothing special. I cant even say that im that close to the group, I mean id undoubtedly give my life for any of them but- i dont think that they share the same sentiment.” Daryl could only stare at her after he’s heard her answer. Is this really what she thinks of herself? That nobody cares for her? That she is not important to the group? Has he been out of touch with her for so long?

Y/N looked at him again, a pathetic attempt to a smile ghosted her face as she looked at his face. “I hate when you look at me like that you know? But whenever you do i cant help but feel naked as sin underneath your gaze.” The more she spoke the more the knot in her throat was heard. Her eyes broke the contact this time, closing as she took a shaky deep breath in to control her cracked vulnerability. “Tho i cant help but feel happy that you look at me like that again.. Nowadays your gaze seems full of repugnance and annoyance, it’s nostalgic to have you look at me like that one more time.” Now the cracking in her voice was crystal clear. Daryls felt like his heart might just snap at hearing her talk like this, did he make a mistake by thinking that she cared about him in a superficial way and that someday he will just be a shadow of the past in the back of her head? Did she really care about him and his views on her that much- could anyone feel like this towards him?

It was all too much, the shock of Y/N words and the inexplicable emotion that they painted inside of his soul left him speechless so she continued. “I either failed everyone that i have ever cared about or they left me. How can anyone care for someone thats so weak and flawed, should’ve figured your turn would come.” A choked sob left her mouth right as she finished her sentence. “And i dont want anyone’s pity, this is not why im saying this, i really dont! I just- i just- oh god…” Daryl felt like his world was crushing onto him, how could he be so blind towards one of the only people that has ever shown affection and concern towards his being. The only person that was there each time he needed a shoulder to cry on, each time he needed a ear to listen, each time he needed closure and positive affirmations, each time he just needed to hear a good sarcastic joke after a tough day. How could he? How DARED he. He felt like snapping his own neck at the realization he just came to. He knew it wasnt his fault she felt that way, he was just completely angry at himself for not being able to bring her the comfort she deserved.

“Do you believe in forgiveness Daryl? Do you believe that everyone back in Alexandria can forgive me for not being enough in a word in which being enough is survival?” Y/N asked her teary eyes bow making contact with his again and thats when he finally mustered to opened his lips and speak. “If ya ever doubt about you not bein enough please just look at me and learn that ya are enough.” He said so, so soft, not an ounce of insincerity hidden beneath his words. “You’ve shown me a perspective that i never thought possible to see, ya helped me become who i am today, living and breathing, bone and skin. And god damn it am i stupid for not thanking ya sooner for it.” He continued, his voice lulling Y/N in a more therapeutic cry, no longer tears of anguish but those of essential sadness. “That weakness of yours, that taint, that is what makes ya more than enough. Ya breathe ideas and values into people, Y/N, that, THAT is whats truly needed in this world, a reason to keep going, hope, how can ya give that to so many people but not yourself?” No longer was he painted in shades of gray in her eyes, he was now bleeding colors and feelings again and that seemed to paint Y/N sanity back to life. She looked at him with so much adoration and pure love that he felt a rush of warmth and comfort washed trough him. This was the Y/N he knew, full of life, with a simple gaze she could braid life into people again because she understood, shes felt pain, betrayal, heartbreak, anguish, terror, hunger. She made everyone near her feel less broken by just listening and understanding. This was who she truly was, a becon of hope for those who were lost.

Thats when she broke down, jumping at Daryl and he met her half way, embracing each other like there wont be another chance in hell they could relieve this alleviating moment again. Their hangs grabbed each other so hard that it felt like they were almost fusing. Breath to breath, heartbeat to heart beat, they stood there crying on each other’s shoulders in a tranquil moment that could never be matched. And so they stood in silence, knowing that they understood each other, that they felt for one another, that cared for each other wholly and without reserve, that was it, that moment was why they both have and will still be hanging on, now till the end of days.

Y/N stood pressed against Daryl’s back the whole ride home, smiling like an idiot while relishing in the warmth he represented. He wasn’t too far of either. He looked over his shoulder just for a second just to look at her face once again and oh, the smile that flickers across her face- big and bright and uncharacteristically wide—almost makes him fumble to dust. Finally after all these past restless night, the starts didnt seem so quiet anymore.

#daryl dixon #daryl #daryl x reader #daryl x you #daryl x y/n #twd daryl #twd #the walking dead

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tatianafarenheit · 3 years

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ANGST

READERS PRONOUNS: SHE/HER

Pairing: Asra x reader

She tried to make sense of his words, she definitely knew what they meant but she did definitely did not know these foreign emotions that stirred her insides in a scotching fire. Was it anger? was it complete and utter repulsion, astonishment, or maybe even numbness. Her eyes frantically scanned his face, desperately searching for something to deny the truth in his words but no matter how much she looked him over and over again, there was nothing to hang on to- that was when a void started eating at her chest, suddenly even her head became dizzy, her vision just getting darker and darker, the only thing she could definitely hear and feel was her hammering heart, slowly but heavily beating against her rib cage, pumping her now cold blood through her thinning veins. It was all just too much, his confession shut down any possible rationalization for her. His words simply did not fit him, ‘it must definitely be someone else speaking, right?’ Denial, refusal, she wouldn’t phantom any other way of coping with this situation, she couldn’t. Those few words he spoke completely opposed every single part of her perception of him, every single word did not match him and yet he looked more serious than ever before. He could only gaze at her with a miserable sadness, his eyes seemingly getting more and more comfortless with each second she looked at him. Her mouth was poinlessly hanging open, trying to get at least a single word out but even that felt like asking for too much. He fully knew that he did not deserve her doubt in this situation, he wanted to hear her yell and shout, to tell him exactly how much of a coward he is, to strip her image of him of any kind of positive emotions or even more so reinforcement. Oh how easy it would be for her to feel about him exactly the way he does about himself. He thought about how easy it would be if every thought about him would bring her nothing but repulsion and disgust. Even her denying his confession made him feel sick, malign guilt slowly tainting his heart more and more, heaving it down so much that he thought it just might snap. He did not earn her kindness. Even so the truth is that he had and will still beg and serch for it in everything that she’ll do. No matter how undeserving he is of any kind of affection from her, that small selfish and shameful part of him will always undoubtedly ache for her fondness towards him.

#the arcana #asra the magician #asra x reader

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tatianafarenheit · 3 years

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Devourer (open ending)

TW: GORE, slight lime,

It was pouring. The wind was howling woefully while it quickly rushed trought the trembling leafs of the Wangshu Inn’s Foundation of a tree. Even the sound of the other travelers, stopping for the night, was drowned by the white noise that rang trough-out the halls of the Inn, creating a terribly uncomfortable sensation of chaos. Xiao hated these kind of nights where the inn was bustling more than usual, and the fact that his only remaining comrade from the war was near him did not comfort him either.

He felt restrained almost rigid at the heavy awkwardness that strangled the room for the past two hours. Neither him or Yanay said a single word since they first reunited and Xiao’s mind was near overheating while trying to think of something to say.

His attempts where rewarded with emptiness and that frustrated him. He hated feeling like a kid, palms almost sweaty because he could not communicate with the only being that experienced the same pain he did, the only being who also had to witness the same horrors of war and was unfortunate enough to live on to tell the story.

Truth be told, they didn’t end on the best terms. Xiao blamed Yanay for years for the cause of his comrades deaths and vice versa, only to realize later that the person to blame was the misleading messenger between them. Yanay didnt in fact given the wrong orders, the messenger did and Xiao in fact did not leave his friends to die because he ran off, he was just too late to help.

Every since the truth emerged the both of them felt uncomfortably awkward next to each other, stuck between feeling a need to apologize and not wanting to open the wound that the sorrowful memories left behind. How easy it would be if stolen glances could be an actual form of communication. Yanay hearts raced while looking at Xiao, she felt a painful voide eating away at her heart while she looked at the broken man, a small fragment of what he used to be, almost like a living memory of the past, a guardian cursed to carry and reopen his old wounds each time he looked around him. Every single fragment of Liyue was a breathing reminder of what happened upon its lands all those years ago.

Yanay managed to find herself a new purpose, or more like the purpose found her. Ningguan found the resentful and nugatory girl and could not help but see potential in her, a woman that only needed someone to open her eyes. Ningguan offered her a job and a promise of a new start, a painfully docile life, she promised she would never have to suffer again and so Yanay followed her. Ningguan’s helping hand helped Yanay wake up, but only by her own will did she only find herself again, patching up her still bleeding old wounds hoping that one day they would stop…but they still bleed to this day.

Thats the difference between Xiao and Yanay is that Xiao accepted it, came to terms with the brokenness his whole existence represents, he got accustomed to the horrible misey that chews and spits him out every time he breathes, so accustomed to it to the point he doesnt feel it anymore. Yanay on the other hand could not, her mind still whispers menacingly to her, each time her eyelids tremble shut, the terrifying truth she had to endure. And each time, she fights it, she refuses it wholeheartedly, her resistance only making everything burn even more and even deeper.

“Im going to sleep” Yanay whispered and Xiao heard it, looking away and only giving a hum as a response. He felt bad, truly, he wish he could speak to her more, to apologize, to tell her that he can be there- but his savage heart wont let him, his prode chaining his mouth shut so he could not get himself hurt more. He tried to justify his actions by saying things such as ‘she wouldn’t care anyway’; ‘it would not help her so whats the point?’ But Xiao forgot to consider how much Yanay cared for such small things, how much she cherished in the back of her rotting soul the fact that someone thought that she deserved an apology.

Yanay laid down, her back facing Xiao, afraid of letting him see her composure falling apart each second she was next to him. And so with one last heavy puff of air her eyes closed. Xiao soon followed laying as far away as possible from her.

Xiao was awoken by the sound of the sheets being tousled around and as he looked in Yanays direction he could only see her figure hunched over. “Why are you awake?” He said in a gruff voice, slight annoyance tainting his tone from being awoken this early in the night. What he saw next made him freeze up, his blood turned cold and eyes froze open. Yanay looked back at him with tears in her wide eyes “Take them away-“ she barely whispered, her voice trembling along with the hands that gripped her sides in a crushing strenght.

Xiao felt like his world crashed down onto him, his veins thinning as he looked the the now seemingly vulnerable woman in front of him. His whole idea of who Yanay is was completely ruined, hes never seen her like this. So fragile and so… brittle- It was almost like someone’s possessed her body.

“You can eat dreams, right? Please-“ the girl cut herself short, her eyes scanning him frantically. She knew she was asking for too much, she felt it so deep in her bones that they felt like they might snap-. “I know im asking for too much but please- take them! Devour them until theres not even a single one that escapes!” Her voice was getting more and more unstable, her gaze running over the room back and forth, avoiding his apparent burning gaze. He just stared for a second, it all felt unreal to him. His breathing got labored and heavy as he saw the marking scene before him. A warrior turned to a broken maiden, looking for a kind of alleviation that only he could bring her.

Yanay took his silence as a refusal, her cheeks burning with embarrassment as she turned back to her hunched position. His gaze felt unbearably heavy on her back, almost quelling her to the point she felt minuscule. “Never mind- it was stupid of me to ask that. Please forget i ever said anything.” There it goes again, the voice Xiao was so accustomed to. He couldn’t help but feel a wave of disappointment wash over him.

Without rationality he reached out to her, his fingers grabbing onto her shoulder and turning her around a bit more harshly than what he meant.

Yanay jumped, her composure falling apart by his own hand. “Tell me what dreams im looking for..” his voice was awfully soft, so soft that it made a small electric string run up Yanay’s spine, a wave of ecstasy running over her body. But once the realization of what he really asked hit her, her eyes turned dark and cold. The kind of eyes Xiao used to have, so he immediately knew what he had to look for. “I will help you but-“ it was now his turn to look away in embarrassment, his face feeling way too scorching all of the sudden.

Yanay stared at him and thought of how she’s never looked at him in this kind of light before, he was absolutely breathtaking and innocent, not a shred of bad ill painted onto his face and so yet again she felt selfish for never trying to understand him- and now- here she is, asking him to do something that he most likely won’t enjoy. “Its gonna be a hell of a lot to take in, not only for you but me as well.” He continued and turned back to look at her. She almost gasped once her eyes met his, shes never seen them so close in order to see the true intensity they held. His gaze pierced trough her with such power that her breathy hitched. She only nodded. Xiao sighed, his fingers now trembling onto her skin knowing that whats about to come wont be able to be erased. Yanay’s perception of him was about to change even more.

“Turn around for me..” his voice was almost a whisper but still so moving that it made goosebumps rise on Yanay’s skin. She eagerly complied, her shoulders relaxing under his vexing touch. As she tuned around the sound around her began to fade, her attention fully concentrated onto Xiao. The next thing she felt was his chest pressed against her back, so tender yet so much pressure. She had to restrain herself from releasing a shuddered gasp once his body connected to hers. Her skin lit up, nerves trembling deliciously. Xiao felt it too, his eyes closing shut as he bit back a groan, his hands rose next to Yanays own hands, almost afraid of touching her thinking that shes gonna break. He was afraid that she’s gonna be repulsed by his touch but nonetheless he placed his hands in front of Yanay’s torso. “Grab onto one of my hands and relax into me.” He said again, his breath gently caressing Yanay’s ear shell.

Yanay’s lucidity began to dissolve, he was so close oh so close that if she turned around she could kiss him…to bad that will never be an option. After regaining a fracture of her rationality back, she complied to his words, her hand gripping one of his while she relaxed fully into him. His other hand gripped her jaw and moved it so that her face was right under his. Her eyes opened and looked at Xiao with such an irresistible innocence that he almost lost it. It was refreshing to see his comrade so complying and so sweetly vulnerable. Xiao leaned his head in, his lips barely above hers, so close that she could feel the heat coming from his face.

“Tell me when you if want me to stop..” he said against her lips before they met. Yanay’s heart felt like it was imploding, beating so hard and fast that it almost punched trough her ribcage but what came next took Yanay by surprise even more. Her limbs started to feel like putty, so soft and light. While her mind started to become intoxicated and slow, she wasn’t thinking of anything but Xiao and the overwhelmingly pleasurable feeling that started to spread inside her. It almost felt like and aphrodisiac, her body disconnecting from her mind, detaching so much that it almost felt like another person possessing her body. Xiao felt the affects too, his hand gripping Yanay’s jaw harder as he leaned his head in more, deepening the kiss, his tongue running hungrily over hers. While he knew that he was supposed to focus only on devouring Yanay’s horrible nightmares he couldn’t help but indulge in the sweet release that she was, a breath of fresh air. He wanted to claim her, to make her heal him with just her presence and maybe he could help her by erasing every parasitic nightmare that plagued her thoughts every night, but that wouldn’t be healthy and he knew it.

Yanay tried so hard to grip onto her lucidity but the more she tried the damned thing ran further and further away. Her flesh felt like smoldering cinder while her stomach felt like a void, it felt like feathers were running over her skin. She was so overwhelmed that she almost passed out from the electrifying feeling that he induced. Xiaos hand left hers and opted for her waist, digging his fingers in and dragging her torso impossibly closer to his. She was so delicious that it drove him mad, forget the damned nightmares he wanted to devour her. To rip her ignorant facade apart and watch her true face show itself from the ruins that he alone tore down.

His hunger was cut short when he finally reached the nightmares he was looking for and they were exactly as he expected. Corpses rotting on the muddy field while tired soldiers pushed on whith their last breath, people screaming and crying and the worst of all, the feeling of being helpless, powerless, the feeling of having to watch knowing you cant change a god damn thing.

He couldnt stand looking at the dreadfully realistic replicas of the past so he started tearing them down, devouring the from the most affecting ones to the lesser. He tore them down with each movemnt of his lips against hers and she couldnt have been more grateful. Suddenly his kisses turned from exhilarating to melting. His movements so soft and tender that Yanay felt like she was about to burst. She never realized how much she craved this feeling before and now- now she couldnt get enough of it, she was frightened that if he touched her like that one more time shed forever be bound to him, craving him each second of her existence. Her hand slowly moved to the nape of his neck, softly caressing his satin like hair.

Xiao couldnt do anything but melt under her gentle touch, his mind finally going at ease after all of these tormenting years he had to indure all alone. Afraid as if shed disappear from his desperate clutch, he held her closer, relishing into this intoxicatingly serene moment. Oh how he truly wished they could stay like this more…

#angst #fluff #xiao fluff #genshin impact #xiao x you #xiao x oc #limeish #xiao x reader #adeptus xiao

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