#i cant write fanfics it feels weird | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 10 months

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MACCC!! for the fanfic ask game thing. ummm i don't know a specific word 2 send but i am intrigued. eyes emoji. (<<on computer and do not want 2 look up emojis just to copy/paste one) what r u writing!!! what's ur fav passage in it so far!!!! i wanna hear abt ur writing!!!!

omg whiskey i forgot we were not mutuals while i was in my fanfic writing arc. omg. i have not written a fic since we became mutuals holy shit !!!!!! absolutelyly insane . ANYWAY i write about my ocs all the time and also silly little self indulgent stories that i dont share bc theyre just for me. BUT. CURRENLTY. i missed writing fics so i am in a months long hiatus of a fic for mission to zyxx which is a silly improv comedy podcast that i was super into right before i got into trigun !!!!!!!! its my beloved ever. however the trigun brain worms overtook me before i finished my fic and i have not gone back to work on it much :( i WANT to finish it tho bc the fandom is very small annnd i literally read every single fic in the ao3 tag in the span of like a week. i need 2 add to it.

ANYWAY basics of the fic (spoilers for mission to zyxx incoming !!) :

the main character has a bug egg laid in his eye and throughout all of season 2 it just grows in his eye and makes it look all fucked up until the s2 finale where the egg hatches and another character pulls his eye out before the bug makes his head explode. << its not as fucked up as it sounds bc this is a full comedy podcast so everything is played for goofs and this moment only lasts a total of like 6 seconds but i am a sucker for body horror especially when it involves gross bugs so !!! i am judt rewriting that scene with my own headcanons ans making it scary and emotional 😌 hi my names mac ghostiezone and i love horror and gay people.

I HAVE TO REREAD MY ENTIRE WIP TO FIND A PART TO POST i cant believe ur making me do this (<< THANK U I HAVE NOT LOOKED AT IT IN WEEKS) apologies in advance for my setup i like 2 write on my phone in the middle of the night so my google docs is in perma-darkmode:

<< we love an alien mind contrrol parasite that makes a usually cowardly docile character behave like a monster 😌😌😌😌

#oh no im feeling the shame of posting a fic involving characters with stupid silly names.#anyway this is sooooo non-canon compliant i just wanted an excuse to be self indulgent and write about fucked up bugs #have u ever heard of leucochloridium.#its a type of parasite that lives in snails eyes and makes them all banded and pulsing to attract birds to eat the snail <3 #its what i based the bug eye off of so it behaves in a similar way. hehehehehe.#linked a video to the snail parasite in the descriptiion for the fic i cant wait for people to be so disgusted bc of me >:]#something about me is i love 2 put weird gross biology in fics literally all the time forever #THANK U WHISKEY. GOD I NEED 2 FINISH THIS #i haaaate posting my writing eith no context bc it makes me self aware of how silly it sounds. but also i like 2 talk about my writing #whiskey u missed my fanfic phase i wrote about cwilbur so fucking much my favorite guy ever #SOMETHI G ABOUT ME IS THAT I LOVE 2 TALK ABOUT SEA CREATURES IN MY WRITING #NOTICE I FUCKING MENTION A CUTTLEFISH IN A UNIVERSE WHERE CUTTLEFISH DO NOT EXIST AND ARE NEVER BROUGHT UP EVER #im incurable. fish are too interesting #i use used to use dead fish eye metaphors in descriptions of ghostbur sooo much .#<< unsettling ghostbur is/was my biggest agenda when i was making dsmp content #ANYWAY. THANK U #I LOVE U #friends!!!#asks #anachronistic-falsehood

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levbolton · 2 years

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I’m probably spamming the blue period senction again with my fanfic updates but I’m gaslighting into reading the 6th chapter of a psychological take on yaguchi yatora it just went out right now believe me

#blue period #this fic feels more like a harukai one than yatoyota #anyway #harukai #murai obsession arc #blue period manga #why cant i write a tag for blue period #weird it disappears wtf #yaguchi yatora #yotasuke takahashi #yatoyota #ao3 #fanfic #hashida haruka #murai yakumo

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katyspersonal · 2 years

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Certified Tumblr user moment: completely get the point of the post wrong, attack the poster for the reason you just made up, block them when they explain what they ACTUALLY were saying (keep in mind the initial post was clear enough already).

#lmaoooooo #i am so used to posting just soulsborne that i forget posting for other fandoms attracts people that cant read.#anyways nah yeah writing romantic fanfics about you and that woman you like is a bit weird imo #feel free to convince me it isnt so strange! i am open!#but if in the scenario where a MAN does the same to another moment you are IRKED? you are a hypicrite.#actions should be judged the same no matter what group performs them or what is the history of this group.#tumblr

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matoitech · 1 year

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even years later i think the fact that there was a percentage of ppl who watched promare while not liking galo/lio (the main romance of the movie) bcuz they didnt like galo and would rather lio b w his generals is kinda funny to me cuz im not sure how they even rewatched the movie while not liking galo or caring abt the actual love story in the film. i just imagine them going to watch promare getting ready to complain abt there being too much of the protagonist and how they wish lio was with gueira and meis instead which was objectively more boring but it hit some specific longtime besties to lovers trope they preferred or whatever so it was ‘better’ on twitter again

#i dont even care abt lio/gueira/meis like its not for me for sure and i do think its boring bcuz galo and lio #were like. created and written to work well together and bounce off each other as characters #and u cant rly have one of them without the other and not keep whatever ur writing or doing not feeling like its just missing something #but i just think its funny that there was like a dedicated subset of ppl who were like i dont like this movie for this movie at all #i like it so i can ship lio w his generals #galo and lio did all that for u to be like but what if none of it mattered #fanfics that focus on pre movie stuff entirely or just ignore galo which feels. weird if im being honest #to be writing post canon and just make galo and lio Friends. im not in2 that 'even if ur still making lio gay'#idk man dont think it rly matters 2 much that u 'recognize theyre gay together' but just dont like them together #im not particularly sure what u get out of the movie if ur scraping the like whole narrative out even if its for Gays U Invented U Like More

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c-nstellati-ns · 2 years

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I read the wallowing in his own anger and self-pity party and I almost thought it was that one JJBA x God Male Reader story on quotev (that hasn't been update for a while 😡) LMFAO

YEAHH BRO ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY LMFAO no shade to the writer but god the mc is so unlikeable at times w all the edgy bullshit he does and says,,,, its so clearly written for a specific type of [y/n] readers and its hard to read sometimes

#achilles' scripts 🌟#nonnie !!#again no shade to the author #but this feels like a 2016 fanfic babes </333 #beautiful writing #horrible mc characterisation #feels more like an oc/author's self insert more than anything #but das just me shrugs #CANT WAIT TO READ MORE THOOO <333 I EXPECT TO FUCK WAMUU AND ESIDISI NEXT N MORE TIME W KARS OR ELSE #..........also the weird characterisation of specific characters like wham #and kars #sorry im just now realising the issues w this specific fic OAUGHH

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aroace-cat-lady · 2 years

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Emotional stability: this whole week ive been reading more KitTy fanfic than i use to and now i want to cry cuz i miss them so much and i cant imagine how much they miss each other.

#i just want them to be happy and this whole situation is making us all miserable and i cant stand it anymore i just cant #and tho there are some really good fics i know that these are just not them #those are other versions of them and i cant help but notice it every damn time #and dont get me wrong I LOVE FANFIC AND FIC WRITTERS SO SO SO MUCH YOU ALL ARE ANGELS #but #i cant fool my brain #i know that these ppl arent the ones that i felt for #and its just killing me so so so so bad #like cassie has something undescriptible and this story their story is so complex and full of nuances #and im an addict to that i love it as you love art i love the intelligence and the passion you can feel the words she writes #and is really weird finding a fic that captures all of it #so yeah here am i suffering for fictional characters AGAIN #cassandra clare #the shadowhuter chronicles #shadowhunter chronicles #cassieclare #cassandraclare #shadowhunters #cazadores de sombras #cassie clare #kit herondale #ty blackthorn #kit x ty #kit and ty #kit herondale x ty blackthorn #anyways i sound like crazy please ignore me

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dumb-fictionkin-sideblog · 2 years

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aww thank you! and don’t worry i understand how scary starting conversations can be

You sent that after I went to sleep :') And hhh yeah there's a lot of people I have talked to Once and then never again because they don't start the conversation back and I'm too scared to start it myself... or sometimes don't know what to say,

#one of my favorite omori artists sent me a dm once #because i made a freakin. review of a fanfic they wrote #in the tags of a reblog... because i ramble in tags a lot........ so they couldn't answer me #so they dmed me to answer and we had a small conversation #and then started to reply to my posts and such for like two days #but i could never find anything to say so i just. didn't say anything. and they stopped talking eventually so now uh. yeah #they're really nice but i feel too awkward to interact beyond linking every single one of their posts and reblogging stuff #they also stopped being active for a little while #so yeah. just. awkward.#and my brain won't allow me to think i'm more than a grain of sand to people so! not like i'd ever message them again anyway skdhskh #we talked about a fic i was writing so i thought i'd dm them when i finished what i wanted to finish but. uh.#i write at the speed of a snail at best :')#and now it's been like two months but i keep thinking about it every three days sldjsksh #AND I DON'T EVEN WANT TO START THE CONVERSATION because i *know* how socially awkward i am and i cant tell what's weird and what's not #(to say in a random conversation)#The Social Thing(tm) is a struggle #sunny #sicklysweetdaydreams #ask

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cynmixandhisfixations · 4 months

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dude ngl i had this luxiem/noctyx-centric fanfic planned from like last year, but i never ended up writing it

and straight up, i made my own lore for shu and honest to god i dont even remember.. what his original lore was

#luxiem #noctyx #shu yamino #like ive got so much in depth lore #i do not even remember what shus og lore was #my lore for shu is more developed than my own ocs #i still wanna write that fanfic ngl #i just... need a plot #(also dude)#(yugo was meant to be a huge part of it)#(but like)#(i cant exactly do that can i?!)#(well i guess i could)#(but it feels weird...)#(oh god mysta too... he doesnt have a big role but he does pull up in some scenes where its super hard to replace him...)#ok im rambling #first post on here and im rambling already #k great

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sotteoks · 11 months

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kinda miss writing for monsta x bc they're the reason why i came back to tumblr to write fanfics in the first place....but like idk where my motivation is lol.

#like i accepted a long long long time ago that if i write #i cant let interaction be my driving force bc i've never been able to establish a large tumblr following #but like i do acknowledge that i've been doing way more writing on my webtoon blog just bc i have people sending in requests and what not #but also on my webtoon blog i write almost exclusively pwp #and like when it comes to kpop fanfics #i feel like I HAVE TO write tropes that you don't see as often because i've been in the fandom for so long #and have seen the same stuff over and over #idk it's a weird thing i'm going through rn #personal.txt

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8aji · 1 year

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idk if my writing sounds ok anymore, im convinced it doesnt 🥲

#dear diary.#i need the little vent #but idk if im underestimating myself because ive been looking at this fic for far too long and now its morphed into nothing #its a weird feeling #my writing feels foreign #and idk if the words i lace together are coherent or not #like do they sound good or do they sound like that fanfic i wrote in 6th grade?#im confused and heartbroken but at the same i cant stop writing?? so its a vicious cycle #i feed the machine thats my brain #<3 #anyway idk if i will keep this up #but writing it down helps so much #so if u read the tags #thank u for listening #and its important to remember that im reacting the same i would when looking at a pic of myself #the more u look at it the worse it gets #bc youre brain is hyperfocused on what it already knows ig??#idk if that makes sense its 1am #with love; delete later.

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lovlive · 24 days

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˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ midnight insomnia' - c.yj

SYNOPSIS - its the middle of the night and you have 2 problems; no.1 you cant sleep, and no.2 you miss your boyfriend. PAIRING - choi yeonjun x f!reader GENRE - fluff, established relationship WARNINGS - reader is depicted with a pink colour, reader is called ‘baby’ and ‘girlfriend’, just yeonjun and y/n being really cute with eachother <3 requested from anon: hi! i dont think you've posted yet, maybe your busy or just dont know what to write about since your a new blog, but i want to put in a req.. could you do reader x yeonjun with the prompt “i can’t sleep, come to my bed” id actually die AAH im so curious what you could turn this into, thanks :}

notes: thanku sm for the req! yeah, i havent been writing yet since my brain was blank tbh i had no ideas for a fanfic in mind 😭😭 but now youve added fuel to my fire and ill try start writing more often :3 (and yes, the 127 in the fic was on purpose)

The moon cast a soft glow through the small sliver between your curtains, painting the room in hues of silver. In the quiet of the night, you tossed and turned under your soft blanket, unable to find solace in slumber. As you battled with your insomnia, you just couldnt keep your mind off of one thing; Yeonjun. You couldnt stop thinking about the way he would hold you through these chilly early-spring nights, and how much you missed his warm body next to yours. At this point you’ve realised just how starved you were from him despite only seeing him a couple of days ago.

You gave up on your slumber, rolling like a log from one side of your bed to another to pick up your phone. The sharp glow from the screen hit your eyes, your face instinctively scrunching up since you werent used to the brightness. Your fingers lazily glided over to the message app icon, and then tapped on Yeonjun’s contact. The time at the side of the screen caught your eye, and your realised it was 1:27 AM. You were a little weary of texting your boyfriend at this late hour; you knew that he was probably tired after a long day of practicing and you didnt want to seem selfish or too clingy. But you shook off your bad feelings since you knew that Yeonjun wasnt the type to be able to fall asleep easily either. You began to type your messages…

“jjunieeee..”

“baby… ☹️”

As expected, Yeonjun was of course awake. Your one word messages were opened by him a minute later. He looked at the texts, a little confused on why you’d be texting him right now. Any how, he started typing back.

“y/n? why’re you still up. you better not be up to some weird shi 😐”

“jjunie, i cant sleep. come to my bed.”

“baby, its half 1 in the morning.”

“please..😔 i really cant sleep and i need sum1 by my side 😞”

“y/n you’re going to be the death of me... but what wouldnt i do for my beautiful girlfriend”

“ill be there in 5”

“yippee! 😇 i love you ❤️”

“love you more baby ❤️”

Your face lit up as your boyfriend agreed to come over. You immediately put your phone back on your side table and plugged it back into charging, then quickly tossed the dirty socks that were lying on your bedroom floor underneath your bed to appear a little tidier. After a little while, you could hear a quiet knock echo through your small apartment; your face lighting up once again. Your feet quickly brought you to your hallway, where you rummaged your drawer for your keys. Eventually finding them, you jammed the correct key into the keyhole, twisiting it and gently opening the door. As your boyfriend appears from behind the door, you immediately pull him into a hug, shutting the door behind him. “Whats up with you today?” He teases as he feels your arms lock around him tightly, wrapping his arms around your waist in response. “Just missed you baby.” You responded, taking in his soft scent which you missed badly. “Y/n, we just saw eachother a few days ago..” His chuckle landed right in your ear, warm breath brushing right up against your ear. The sensation of course did not fail to make you blush a little. “Yeah, but ‘just a few days ago’ feels like an eternity to me.” You whisper into his shoulder, finding comfort in just burrying your face in his shoulder and hiding from the world. You feel his hands come away from your waist and up to your back, rubbing small circles. “You really arent a patient person, are you? Now, lets get you to bed.” He whispers as he takes your hand in his and begins to lead you over to your bedroom. You obviously dont resist, and grip his hand back as you walk behind him. None of you made a sound as you walked to your bedroom. Both of your social batteries were drained from the long day you’ve survived today, and all you wanted to do was to hold eachother in peace as you tried to fall back into a slumber.

You walk into your bedroom, and Yeonjun leads you straight to your bed. He lets you crawl in and under the covers as he takes off his jacket and throws it onto the chair you have by your desk. He came just wearing his pajamas, since he knew all you were going to do together was snuggle and sleep. He climbs onto your bed, arms wrapping tightly around your body as your face hides in his chest. His hand runs through your soft hair in a consoling manner, trying to get you to feel more tired and sleepy. His hands work like magic, your eyes beginning to feel heavier by the minute. But before you fall asleep, you give his hand a gentle squeeze and manage to whisper a set of three familiar words.

“I love you.”

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blues824 · 5 months

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ASDFGHJLLCNDLWMSNSCJJDLWKEMAMAMXNCBCJDJAOWIRJDKDK IM SO EXCITED FOR FLUFF-CEMBER OMGGGGGG!!!!!

(also, Lowkey so flattered that you consider me a ✨mutual✨ because you are an INCREDIBLE fanfic writer~)

Okay, so, Hear 👏 Me 👏 Out 👏! The Scarabia Boys and maybe Ruggie (or one of the other boys from the savannah) for prompt 28..... But what if it was reversed???? Because I'm someone that's from an area that has really cold and long winters, so I'm pretty good at spotting or catching myself on black ice..... But these guys from hot desert areas??? I just /know/ they haven't gotten used to the ice and snow yet-

But I'm just spit balling! Feel free to stick to the original, cuz it's still pretty cute!! Can't wait to read all the beautiful, adorable, amazing fics that come from this event!!!! Make sure not to overwhelm yourself or get burnt out. Take plenty of breaks and remember we can always wait an extra day or two lol 💋✨💋💕💖💘❤️🥰😍🥳🌹🫶🫰🌹🥴

I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN WRITING AND I CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DOOOOOOOOOO~~

Of course!!! You’ve commented on a few of my works, so I figured you might like to be included in the event lol. Also, I would be in their shoes, because I am from a hot desert area lol.

You requested: Being Caught Slipping on Ice [Reversed]

Ruggie Bucchi

He had absolutely no idea what he was thinking, being on the ice. This man has a vice grip on your arms as you both go to Sam’s Shop. The sidewalk and grass have become icy because it has been raining for the past few days, and the temperature has dropped significantly. Savanaclaw isn’t this cold, and he’s bundled up pretty well.

There was one spot that was a tad wet, still frozen in ice, and he wasn’t paying attention. You felt him let go of your arm, and you turned to see that he was falling backwards. Worried about him hitting his head, you quickly slid on your knees so that his head would land in your lap.

“Is it just me, or did an angel come down and save me?”

Real smooth, bro. You rolled your eyes and smiled, making sure that he was alright and helping him back up, going to place a kiss on his cheek which made him smile. He reciprocates by moving just in time for you to accidentally land it on his lips, and he snickered as you rolled your eyes once again.

Kalim Al-Asim

His homeland is literally the Scalding Sands. If you think he knows how to handle snow, you would be mistaken. However, he has a very positive outlook on it. It’s a free Slip-n’-Slide, or he gets to be a penguin sliding on his stomach. When it comes to having to walk, however, he is at a loss. One step and he’s already fallen. He needs one of those walkers that people use when skating.

Watching you walk across the black ice so easily made him feel so amazed, and he thought that if he copied you exactly, he would be fine. He was wrong, and he fell back almost immediately. Before he hit the ground, however, he felt an arm wrap around his waist. He looked up to find you, with a worried look on your face.

“Thank you, Y/N! You saved me!”

The smile on his face made any memory of scolding him dissipate as you made sure that he was steady. You then taught him how to properly walk on the black ice, as there was a particular method to it. Making sure your body was straight and stepping down so that the sole of your foot was flat against the ground, and it was weird to get used to, but at least he didn’t fall more than he did.

Jamil Viper

His homeland is the Scalding Sands as well. However, he knows how to handle snow more than Kalim does. He was prepared when he got accepted into NRC. But, nothing could prepare him for the ice that forms on the grass and on the sidewalks. After all, his sports training takes place in a gymnasium, so the temperature is warm and controlled by a thermostat.

So, when he invited you to come play on an outside basketball court, you laughed when he realized that it had a bit of ice on the ground. Because you used to live somewhere with a cold climate, you were familiar with playing a certain way so that you wouldn’t slip and fall. He was not, and after a few moments, he slipped. Luckily, you slid behind him so that you could hold him up.

“Thank you, Y/N. I guess I have not acclimated quite yet to the ice…” He said, a bit embarrassed.

You shrugged and said it was all alright, and that you could do it because you lived somewhere cold. You taught him how to walk and run on the ice, and that he needed to have his hands out of his pockets at all times so he could catch himself. It was good advice even if it wasn’t freezing outside, as you never knew when you would fall.

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lennadanvers · 2 months

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Hi! I love everything youve written with my entire fucking heart like you dont understand there hasnt been a single thing of yours that I havent liked! Anyways, I was wondering if you could write some more Simon Riley? You write him so well it isnt even funny. If you cant, no worries! I think youre amazing!!!!

Hi! Thanks a lot for the praise, it means a lot (you don't even know how much, I'm pretty new to fanfic writing and posting stuff is still kinda terrifying, but when people say things like this it warms my heart). Anyway, I had this sitting in my drafts for way too long, and found the energy to finish it today. Sorry for the delay, I hope you still enjoy it.

Thanks for your patience <3

Every coin has two faces

Ghost doesn’t like to think about himself.

Maybe the mask is an effort to conceal his own face when he walks past a mirror, rather than to guard his identity. Maybe it has a double purpose. Maybe it’s just one: to hide. Whatever the case, Simon Riley avoided thinking about himself. Of how he looked. How he sounded. Or moved-

Until he had met you.

Fresh blood. As in a new recruit and as in that you were bleeding the first time he saw you. Despite the bloody nose, there was something there. A burn in your eyes. The sharp smile you threw to the recruit laying at your feet. To the one responsible for your pain. Sparring wasn’t supposed to be this dirty, but they had crossed the line. And you had slaughtered it in response. A fucking demon; you had become violence on the flesh and unleashed something nasty upon them.

Once you had won the fight -not fair and square, but they had asked for it-, you stopped. Put the leash on whatever it was that took over you, and stepped back, hand to your bloody face.

Simon smelled something rotten.

For the untrained nose, it wasn’t noticeable. Most people would have looked at you and seen a surprisingly skilled recruit, that’s it. But he saw himself. Broken recognizes broken, he supposes. The anger ready to jump out. The control; years of training that someone as young as you would only have if they started before even learning to talk.

That’s what it was, wasn’t it? You were another survivor. Another messed up past. Another broken child who grew into a desperate, cold monster.

Ghost saw himself in you.

It went downhill from there. Simon Riley knew it was a bad idea, he was a bad idea. But you were so good. Scary good. Too damn close to perfect for him to be at ease. He kept an eye on you. From afar. Very, very far. From a second-floor window. From his elevated position as a sniper in the field. From a couple dozens of yards in the training area. Through Soap’s gossip.

Simon Riley had never been so close to liking himself. You were fast, methodic, smart and precise. You were strong, witty, sarcastic and poisonous. He was interested, involved, captivated and weirdly vulnerable.

It haunted Ghost how much of himself he saw in you. It just made the few contrasts (sparkly smile, short body, soft curves) feel sweeter. Just made him want to be closer. If you were so… So beautiful, so elegant, deadly, appealing, valuable… Maybe he was, too. Maybe it happened to you too. Maybe, when you looked at him, you saw yourself. Maybe you understood.

That’s why the way you looked at him it chipped his heart a little.

He had never considered himself particularly handsome. Just a man. But this man had a good body -strong, healthy, taller than most. He was good at his job- effective, respected, he had earned his position. He knew not to get into other people’s business, and he had a decent sense of humor. Some women had even complimented his accent- apparently his voice was quite attractive. The few that had seen his face hadn’t complained, either.

Obviously, he didn’t expect everyone to be interested in him. Simon knew the mask weirded some people out. But it wasn’t the mask, was it?

It was him.

You looked at him like he was the president of the welcoming committee of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Like you’d shoot him if he took a step too close (he never stood within less than six meters from your personal space, mind you). Whenever he entered the room, you stabbed him with your side eye. If Ghost had to walk past you in the hallway, you’d stick to the wall like a fucking tree frog, for God’s sake. And he hadn’t even talked to you directly.

Simon hadn’t been able to wrap his head around it.

Until now, that is. After you had been chosen to go with the team to a mission. One that was supposed to be easy. In and out. No more than a couple hours. No finding a place to stay the night. No ending up divided in a couple different locations. And definitely no spending the night hiding with you.

Alone.

There had been bullets flying everywhere. He was calm, fast. You knew better than to give him dirty looks when he dragged you to safety. But you were looking at him now. And he was terrified.

All this time, the scarred, broken kid inside him had recognized the scared, lost kid inside you. Ghost had seen himself in you.

But you had seen someone else in him.

His broad figure and trained muscles weren’t attractive, were they? They were menacing. His stealth, aim and training weren’t worthy of admiration, but fear. The hard-earned respect, the power, was nothing but a weapon, a strategic position from which to attack. Your dirty looks were the hate you had spent years nursing. God, the way you pressed against the wall in the hallways- your most basic instincts keeping you away from the predator.

Simon is a threat to you.

And you’re looking at him as if he was his father.

Ghost stares back at you from across the abandoned building you’re going to have to spend the whole night in. He’s going to be sick- you look sick. Simon knows how you feel. Being trapped in a house with a man who can beat you into a bloody pulp. Someone bigger, stronger and more powerful. Big body, hard knuckles and labored breath. Next to him, you’re so small. You’re weaker, have less experience and power over him. And you can’t leave: it would be worse. You’re trapped with him.

Alone.

It kills him, the way you step away from his body as soon as you can. How you don’t look him in the eyes, following his hands instead. He feels disgusting.

Simon takes a deep breath and forces his voice to sound calm- he’s not- and quiet.

“You alright? No wounds?”

He knows both answers: no and no. But he has to ask. Has to let you know he cares. He’s on your side. Here to take care of you. Not to hurt.

You shake your head.

“Good. Gonna stay ‘ere tonight. The others can’t be far. Contact Price to let ‘im know our position.”

A nod. He’s used to giving orders, but right now his voice sounded harsher than he would have liked to hear. Ghost winces.

“Thank you.”

It’s the surprise in your eyes that ignites his hope. He’s not an asshole. Maybe.

You don’t trust him, either way. After you eat- pressed against the wall, knees between you and him-, it’s time to prepare for the night. Simon knows how he’d feel if he was in your place. He’s more than sure you’re not happy sleeping in the same room as the big, creepy guy with military equipment who reminds you of a nightmare.

He takes off the gloves first. Someone told him he has nice hands, once. They’re brutal. But human. The mask is next. Usually- always- it stays on during missions, even if they last days. He can make an exception. His naked hand undresses the chin, the mouth, the nose- the scars. Simon bats his short eyelashes, as if the dim light of the sun setting was bothering him- he wants to show you he’s weak. He can be.

You stare at him from the other side of the room, still, a deer in headlights. Simon tucks the mask and his gloves into one of his pockets. Decides he’s keeping the bulletproof vest. But he can spare his gun. And the sniper rifle. And his knives- except for the one hidden inside his pants: he’s not undressing in front of your terrified eyes, and at least he has something to defend himself with, in case the enemy finds you. Everything else goes into a pile on the floor. He then steals a glance at you.

You’re looking at him unsure. He’s not only your superior, but a ruthless soldier. This is not the protocol. In fact, he’s being quite stupid by choosing to spend the night disarmed.

Simon shrugs. He’s not going to explain himself to you.

“’s uncomfortable to sleep with all that metal. ‘m a fucking bell.”

You give him another nod. It’s weird, how much you talk around other people. You’re usually loud, even your laugh. You laugh with other people. He’s seen you laugh at Soap’s jokes. He’s heard you teasing him about his accent.

Or, rather than that, the weird thing is how quiet you are next to him.

Ghost likes his recruits obedient and focused. Makes it easier to give orders if people have a cool head and are ready to follow. But you’re not. You’re ready to fight, flight or freeze, and you don’t trust him. You don’t trust he’ll keep you alive and well. Because you’re too busy making sure he can’t hurt you.

Except he can. He could. If he wanted. He doesn’t. For the life of him, he does not want to hurt you. Simon himself is terrified of the possibility.

Ghost knows it’s an absurd idea. He has no reason to. He is your superior, and you’re together in this. You’re supposed to watch each other’s backs. To be a team.

But right now, all you are is terrified.

And he doesn’t know how to make it stop. So he resorts to giving you choices.

“Wan’ the first watch?”

Say no, and he’ll make sure not even a cockroach crosses that door. You’ll be safer than in base.

You nod.

He bares his neck. Ghost has seen your teeth, and they’re more than enough to cause serious damage. Go on, he’s telling you, make sure I can’t fight back. Simon doesn’t say it, of course. Instead, he lays on the cold floor, away from the door and from you. Look, he’s out of the way. You can run, if you want to. You can wait until he’s asleep, grab his weapons and disappear. You can hide somewhere else until the sun rises. He just knows you’re good at hiding. He turns his back to you. There, it is yours to stab. If he ever gave you any reason to feel like this about him, by all means, go on. End his misery. But, most importantly, end yours. Take your pick, he left you an arsenal. He’s dying a death by his own weapons either way.

The shadow your body casts on the wall stays still a long time. It’s been well after an hour since he slowed his breathing down when you finally move into a comfortable position. The ruffling of your clothes and the little sigh you let out make him feel a little less cold. A little less like a monster.

When the sun wakes him up the next morning, you’re still sleeping. Ghost should reprimand you severely; should have woken him up, should have made sure someone was watching the door. But he can’t find it in him to do it, to betray this shadow of trust.

So Simon takes a mental picture of your relaxed face- he’s never seen it so close, it’s a sight worth risking his life for- and turns around. He pretends to sleep until you wake up and start making noise.

I hope you liked it, thanks again for the ask <3

If you (or anyone) have an idea/request/suggestion, I'll be happy to read them. It may take some time, but I promise I'll do my best. Also, I'm sorry if I made any mistakes, English is not my first language and today my brain was particularly confused. Just let me know and I'll fix it.

Masterlist here

#fanfiction #task force 141 #simon ghost riley #cod #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #lennadanvers #len answers #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x female reader

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