#i cant stop crying everyday about how much i just wanna move home. im tired of living here. i miss my siblings so much. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

consistent-self-destruction · 5 months

Text

oh wow, the last time i posted was basically exactly a year ago lol.

well both a lot and nothing's changed much, i'm back to b emo again so that alone should say enough without saying anything

if anything things have gotten WORSE lmfao, i'm literally not supposed to be here right now but unfortunately the attempt fucking failed

nobody tells you how embarrassing that is - how did you fail at everything INCLUDING trying to kill yourself LMFAO, LIKE DAMN YOU REALLY CANT WIN

okay im being silly to cope but idk. when i got in touch with my counselor after it happened, she asked how much i wanted to be alive here on a scale from 1-10, with 10 being i literally wanna die right now in this instant, and 1 being miraculous healing and lifetime peace. the first day after i told her 8.5. three days later i said 3. it's a few weeks later now, and ive realized that my answer to the question has been sliding up and down everyday.

this is not even what i wanna talk about, i don't know how i ended up talking about that lol. anyway actually wait ANOTHER sb but artists im obsessed with rn: ka$hdami and 6arelyhuman okay moving on now ummm im trying so hard to be a 1 on that scale and maintain optimism and hope but like things keep going wrong and everything keeps irritating me and i genuinely feel like shit and i dont want to feel like shit because freaking 2014 just started, the year just started but unfortunately i am not optimistic about this year at all - i can't predict what will happen or how it will go or feel, everything is uncertain and im tired of being so unsure and incapable and it makes me want to leave earth because it's all just so tiring and now im just rambling hhhhh

to gather my thoughts coherently.. im bleeding out my fucking gooch. my charger is broken and wont charge my phone unless it's at an angle. my back camera is broken, my phone's been having storage issues, i don't feel pretty these days, i don't know what to do with my hair, it's freaking cold as hell in my house, i've got a sore throat, the only bathroom in the house with a bathtub has cold water so i can't take any soothing baths which is one of the best parts of being home, my sleep schedule is entirely in reverse, and i just feel so energetically exhausted. the house is a mess and my room is cluttered and my mom wants me to take down the christmas decorations, and i WANT to because cleaning makes me feel productive but i just don't have the stamina or ENERGY, like i feel physically sick and unwell and irritated and run down and incapable and i hate it so much, why is 2024 already off to the worst. and that's just in the present tense. in the future tense, like i said i am not optimistic about this year at all. i anticipate it being a really really difficult year and it makes me wanna cry because i don't wanna do it but i know i need to. you know how they say you have to get through the storm to see the other side? or some shit like that idfk, i dont wanna go through the storm! im so tired of the rain im so tired of being cold im so tired of goosebumps and anxiety and uncertainty and all of it !!!!!!! i've been trying to find my way through a storm for YEARS and it has not let up ONCE. i want to stop but i tried doing that and the universe just took me off pause and made me keep going, why couldn't they just let me join the stars. it would've been so much easier.

instead i have to stay here and try my best to heal and recover and work around my issues but i just can't imagine it, i can't imagine getting better i just don't see it. i can daydream about a version of myself that's better and stronger all i want, but i know in my heart that she'll never exist because i've been trying to be her for years and i just can't get there. i keep falling short. i keep failing. i keep taking L after L after L and im just. so. tired. i don't want to try anymore.

it's not always like this. sometimes there will be something that motivates me and makes me feel inspired to live again. but it always passes by and i come back to these feelings and this state. i keep falling back into this hole and it's such an exhausting up and down and back and forth.

the reason im here being emo again is i just feel like i can't talk to anyone about this. usually when i come back to this freaking blog that's the case. i always come back here when i have feelings that i need to release but i dont feel comfortable sharing with anyone. i don't wanna say anything on my spam because i don't want anyone to see all this negativity and darkness in me, and i don't want my close friends and innocent people to be randomly laden with this kind of depressing energy just as the year FRESH started and they're only casually scrolling their feed. you know what i mean? i hate scrolling my feed and seeing depressing shit. i don't wanna do that to my friends. i want peace and good vibes and good energy and a clean refreshing start to the year for them. i want them to be happy. i dont wanna post on my spam something that will gut their heart out, bring their mood down, and make them see me different. and it's the same with my best friend. not so much the last part cause they already know all these sides of me. and that is really relieving. but the only reason why i hold back from telling them this right now is because of the first reason - the year just started. they don't need this energy. we've already been having realtalks that are depressing enough. they dont need me calling them and texting them every time i feel depressed and manic and lost - that would be so shitty and i hate people who do that. it's energy stealing and self-centered. and for obvious reasons i don't talk to my family about these things. so i am left with this silly little blog, my beautiful void. oh how i love speaking into the void. it gives the illusion of speaking to someone without actually speaking to anyone. it's a perfect release.

but yeah idk, long story short im on my period, im sick with a sore throat, freezing in my house, feeling ugly and tired and incapable and irritated, with an inability to find optimism for the future and worst of all NO HOES! <;/3333

dude.. no because my love life is an entirely different type of pain. it's so... dude.

in the very least, i should be starting long-term therapy this year. that's the plan at least. my counselor gave me some recommendations, offices to call, and i have my dad's support. i'm gonna call in the numbers either tomorrow or thursday. i say this as "in the least" because even though i know it's supposed to be helpful, im not too optimistic about it. i don't like how many times i've used that word smfh. but im not - i don't really look forward to opening up about my 5 billion issues to a complete stranger. i have a hard enough time with the idea of how people perceive me. when i first started having sessions with my counselor, it really did not help because i didn't open up to her in the way i was supposed to. i told her surface level shit and sugar coated things instead of telling her the important things. im worried im only going to do that again. i don't like people seeing the worst of me - even when im PAYING them to see that side of me and when i NEED to show that side of me in order to FIX it. rahhhhhh. i also don't really look forward to it because i just see it as something large and overwhelming and unsolvable. my mental health that is. i don't look forward to tackling it in therapy. for only once a week? with that rate it's gonna take YEARS for me to figure myself out. and not only do i not have that kind of time, but it sounds so frustrating - slow agonizing progress, if any progress is made at all. im in such a pessimistic mood right now and i'm really not always like this - but this is also just the logical side of my brain. i just don't see it working out. i want it to. i want it to work badly - that's why we're going to try it. but i still am not optimistic about what the outcome will be and i am more daunted by the emotional and mental energy it will take out of me. i am second guessing if i should do school at the same time as therapy. i don't think any of this will go well. i only see myself getting consumed by things all over again - losing energy and motivation and time and getting depressed when everything goes wrong again. i think i might just also be scared by the process of healing. healing itself is not scary - but the process is terrifying. i don't trust it. i don't know if it will work. every time i thought i was healing i was just spiraling into a new unknown. the process of healing sounds so energetically draining, it sounds so deceptive, it sounds so emotionally torturing, it sounds fake, and it sounds incredibly time consuming and i already am NOT in time's favor. so i guess that's why i am not optimistic about this year - because i already know what the theme is. i already know what my focus is. this year for me, is all about healing and learning myself better. learning how to overcome my worst habits, my worst thoughts and emotions, and navigate situations that trigger them. this year is intended to be the year i start therapy. the year i put my mental health in the spotlight after years of trying to navigate it and figure it out on my own. i know the fact that im going to have professional support and guidance is supposed to be encouraging, but im so focused on the fact that there is so MUCH i need support and guidance with - and i need to tackle all of it once a week.. while in school... engaging with the very environment that deeply triggers me as i try not to be triggered, figure out ways around being triggered, SUCCEED at not getting triggered so i can therefore succeed in my academic environment, AND also figure out ways to make money on my own on the side. and that's not even going into deeper detail. idk, i just have so many needs to meet, and a billion things on my mind - obligations, responsibilities, needs, and they're all scrambled up in this big black scribble in my brain that's so thick i can hardly see through to the other side. and i don't like that blockage. i don't like that lack of foresight and clarity. i don't like the uncertainty. it makes me nervous and hesitant and resistant. i want to resist this year and this life so badly.

but all in all im just so tired. as always. it never goes away. the rage and frustration and exhaustion it just never goes away and i just really want a long long hug and a nice backrub.

please.

- 1.3.24 | 1:05 AM -

0 notes

xoxo-teddybear · 3 years

Text

What Have I Done? - Bakugou Katsuki

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: Angst, Physical injuries, cursing

Summary: An argument gone out of hand. Y/N just wanted Katsuki to be home more. They’re married and yet she barely sees him throughout the week. When she finally speaks on her hurt feelings, she gets a reaction she definitely wasn’t expecting.

Chapter 1 -> Chapter 2

A/N:.....I cried while writing this.

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

‘He’s gone already. Again. Like always.’

Y/N had awoken to another empty bed. Her husband’s side of the mattress remained cold and empty. This wasn’t anything new. It’s been like this for the past few months. She would wake up alone, eat breakfast alone, spend her day alone, eat dinner alone, and go back to sleep at the end of the day...alone.

It’s not that Katsuki is intentionally ignoring Y/N. He loves her with his everything, he truly does! But villains never rest and neither does he. He’s so preoccupied with hero work that when he does get a day off, his friends drag him away to a bar or game night. Y/N always ran through his head but she had always been so understanding. And besides, she knows how busy the life of a pro is. She used to be one so she gets it. Right?

Wrong. She doesn’t get it. Because even when she was a pro, her and Katsuki always found time for each other. And ever since said man made her quit, claiming he could take care of both of them easily and he would feel better knowing his beloved is safe at home, they’ve seen each other less and less. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Y/N was willing to quit her dream because she found a new dream in Katsuki. She always imagined that being his little housewife would give them more time together but the opposite of that came true. Now she sits in the big empty house with no company for hours on end.

Her sadness builds up every day. She misses her husband. She tries to be an understanding wife but at this point, it’s like he’s not even trying to make an effort to see her. It’s like he’s settled to just coming home to her sleeping form and waking up to her in the exact same state, leaving before he can witness her do anything else. He should understand her though, no? I mean, she had brought it up to him in a very casual way and so he never took it seriously, but she’s mentioned it before. He should have a pretty vivid image of how shes been feeling. Right?

After 6 months of loneliness and being ‘Katsuki-deprived,’ Y/N made her move to speak to her husband about her feelings. She already imagined the outcome. An argument due to Katsuki’s brash behavior and her ‘never back down’ attitude, sad times bringing in the silent treatment for the two of you up until the both of you give in and forgive each other due to the love you have. Finally ending in a compromise. Y/N released a heavy breath as she looked at the time.

1:36 a.m. Just a few more minutes until Katsuki’s home.

—

He was pissed. 3 large scale bank robberies, 10 villain-wannabe fights, an argument with his publicist about his ‘out of line attitude,’ and Deku replacing him on a random ass billboard. The last detail wouldn’t have mattered if it was anybody else but the fact that it was Deku had him riled up. He just wanted to go home to a quiet house with his beautiful wife and admire her gorgeous, slumbering state. However that was not what he was greeted with.

Katsuki grumbled as he unlocked the front door and walked in. He noticed the lights were still on and saw Y/N still awake, seated on the couch. On any other day, he’d be elated to see his wife was still up. They’d talk and cuddle and go to sleep together. If he was lucky, they’d both make love until the sun rose. But tonight, that wouldn’t be happening. He wanted a quiet house with his sleeping wife. Not..whatever was about to happen. He sighed as he dropped his bag at the front door and sloppily placed his keys in the glass bowl near the door.

“What’re you doing up dumbass?” He asked as he walked to the kitchen, not even bothering to take off his shoes. He needed a drink.

“I was waiting for you, Katsuki. I just wanted to talk to you about something,” you said in a soft voice, hoping it would suppress his for sure incoming anger. Katsuki closed the fridge with a kick to the heavy door and chugged down a quarter of his drink.

“I’m not in the mood. Had a shitty day and I wanna sleep. Just go to bed.” He said sternly while trying to finish his beer as fast as he could.

“Don’t you think I would’ve done that hours ago? I wouldn’t have stayed up and waited for you if this wasn’t important. Please Katsuki, I really wanna talk.” Bakugou was beginning to grow annoyed. Why wouldn’t you just drop it already? He squeezed his bottle hard enough for it too crack before he spoke with a louder voice.

“Y/N! You’re not listening! I’m tired. I had a horrible day and I just want to sleep. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to stay up anymore, and I don’t want to listen to whatever bullshit you’re about to complain and bitch about like you always do!” He screamed. His words made your jaw drop.

“Not listening?! That’s all I do! All I do is listen to your every command so that you come home happy-“

“Well it looks like you failed today!” He said, cutting you off.

“Quit interrupting! And what was it that you said?! All I do is bitch and complain?! I’m trying to talk to you about something serious here Katsuki!” You pleaded, still hoping he would give in and listen. And he did...just not in the way you’d expect.

“Fine then! If this’ll get you to quit being an annoying ass waste of time, then speak! Talk! What the hell do you want?!” He asked, screaming at you, furious at all the dramatics you’ve brought up in one night.

His words kind of stung. ‘Annoying ass? Waste of time? Is this what he thinks I am?’ You grew silent at his insults and Katsuki seethed even more.

“Oh what? I scream at you and you bitch up? Toughen up Y/N, jeez. Quit acting like a baby! Tell me what you wanted to say!” He yelled.

“.......I just....I just wanted you to spend some time with me. .....Be home more.” You said in a quiet and broken voice. You looked down to the now very interesting floor as you played with your hands.

“Seriously? This shit again? I’m a pro-hero, Y/N! I’m busy! I’m not gonna drop saving lives just because your brat ass wants someone to notice you! Since when were you such an attention whore?” He asked while rolling his neck to relieve his strained muscles. Your eyes widen at the ground due to his words and your head snapped back up to face him.

“A-attention whore? I-...I just want my husband to stop working so much. I don’t know..maybe have a day off or two!” She said with a crinkled nose as you screamed.

“I do have days off, Moron. It’s why I’m not overworked, ever thought about that?!” He screamed back.

“And you spend those days off away from me! I’m not trying to act like the world revolves around me but I would hope my own husband would spend a day with me instead of his friends that he ALWAYS sees because you ALL WORK TOGETHER!” You argued. You made a valid point and even Katsuki knew that, but he was too stubborn to admit defeat. He was still tired but he had enough energy to put you back in your place. His eyes popped as a vein grew on his neck.

“Well- WELL YOU’RE ONCE AGAIN JUST BITCHING AND COMPLAINING LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’RE SO UPSET!” He screamed.

“Don’t understand?! You know what? I know you don’t because you never listen to-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, I WASNT DONE TALKING! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND THE HOUSE, LAZING AROUND, DOING NOTHING BUT TRY TO ARGUE WITH-“

“LAZING AROUND?!” You shouted in disbelief. “WHO MAKES YOUR MEAL PREP THE NIGHT BEFORE SO YOU CAN ENJOY IT AT WORK AND IN THE MORNING? WHO CLEANS THE ENTIRE HOUSE EVERYDAY WHILE YOU’RE GONE? WHO MAKES SURE YOU HAVE A FULL FRIDGE, CLEAN HOUSE, GOOD FOOD, AND A HAPPY LIFE? ME KATSUKI! ME!”

“Happy life? DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU BITCH?! NEWSFLASH, IM NOT! SO CONGRATS Y/N! YOU FAILED ONCE AGAIN! AND WHO GIVES A FUCK IF YOU PLAY MAID WHILE IM AWAY?! IM BUSY SAVING THE FUCKING WORLD! THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS BE A GOOD WIFE SINCE YOU CANT EVEN BE A FUCKING PRO ANYMORE!” He insulted again.

“because of FUCKING YOU!” You argued once more.

“I DID IT FOR YOU!” He said while throwing his bottle to the wall, causing it to shatter. “I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOUR UNGRATEFUL BITCH ASS! I PAY THE BILLS! I BRING HOME THE CASH! I GIVE YOU THE MONEY TO BUY ALL THE FUCKING FOOD, CLOTHES, AND ANY OTHER STUPID SHIT YOU WANT! AND ON TOP OF THAT, I STUFF YOUR STUPID CUNT TO PLEASURE YOUR UNGRATEFUL ASS. AT THIS POINT, YOU’RE JUST A WALKING HOLE FOR ME TO USE!”

His words hurt. They broke your heart. Did he really feel this way? If so, why was he even with you anymore. You notice a smirk grow on his face at your bewildered state. He looked as if he just won something. However, the smirk dropped into a scowl once he saw your eyes begin to pool with tears.

“Oh great! Cry! Go ahead! Just shed your fucking tears like you always do! I’m going to bed! Come join me when you’re done being an annoying bitch.” He said and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he began to walk away. You didn’t want the conversation to go this way and there was no conclusion. You needed this to be resolved now. You just wanted your husband back. You reached out to stop him from walking but the unforeseen happened.

“Katsuki..don’t walk away from thi-“

“DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!” He said and smacked your arms away with a burning palm. Without realizing, Katsuki began to spark his quirk and so when he went in to push you away, he burned your forearm.

A loud blast and smoke filled the room and your screams of pain invaded his ears. The sound made a shocked face grow on him as he quickly turned to see the damaged he had caused. His heart sank as he saw you crying while holding your burnt arm with your other hand. You were slightly hunched over in pain as you took notice of the damage that had been caused. That he caused.

“Y/N!” Bakugou softly shouted as he ran to you. He wanted to help but before he could even lay a finger on you, you flinched. The action caused him to hesitate and hold himself back. He ran to the kitchen sink to get a cold rag and he brought it back to you. “Baby! I am so sor-“

You pushed him away and off of you as you quickly walked to your bedroom with a shadow casted over your eyes. Tears still flowed down your cheeks as sniffles could be heard from your cherry red nose. Katsuki couldn’t believe what he just did and ran to follow you.

“Y/N! Please listen! I didn’t mean it! I don’t know how that happened Teddy Bear but I swear I didn’t mean it! I swear I didn’t mean any of the bullshit I said! I’m sor-“

*SLAM* *click!*

Katsuki realized he followed you out the kitchen, through the living room, up the stairs, and to the entrance of the master bedroom you both shared before you slammed the door and locked it right in his face.

“Baby! Please open the door!” He said while knocking in a very rushed manner. He wanted nothing more than to help you and treat the damage he caused to his beloved wife. He had royally fucked up. He began turning and jiggling the locked knob in an attempt to get it open but failed. “Please Y/N! I have to take care of you and that burn. I’m so sorry but please let me in!”

On the other side of the door, you pressed your back against it as you held in your sobs and slid to the bottom. You pulled both lips in to conceal your voice while you held your wrist to examine the burn on your arm. It was so bad. Your skin turned an angry shade of red as it blistered and bled. You were dripping blood all over your carpeted floor and so you ran to the master bathroom in the bed room.

You turned on the sink and placed your forearm under the cold, running water. The water soothed it a bit but it wasn’t enough to cover the pain. You turned off the sink and grabbed a hand rag as you patted down on your wound. You took out the first aid kit and cared for yourself. You had to take the alcohol to clean it and sucked in a breath before you poured the solution over the burn. You screamed as it seemed to have hurt 10x more. After dabbing cotton over it, you wrapped it in bandages and took a breath of relief.

‘What just happened?’ You thought to yourself.

The entire time, Katsuki was still begging for you to open up. He heard your scream and grew frantic. He banged on the door and cried for you, still hoping, praying, that you would let him in. When nothing happened, he resorted back to calling out for you but to no avail.

About an hour went by and it was almost 4 in the morning. You sat on the bed with your arms holding your knees to your chest. You stared at the wrap as the memories of what went down tonight flashed through your brain.

‘Waste of time...brat ass...attention whore...ungrateful...annoying bitch.’

His words struck you right in your heart. Cruel thoughts began to fill your head.

‘He doesn’t love me. He hates me. I’m worthless.’ Your thoughts would’ve continued until a quiet knock snapped you out of you mind.

“....Y/N?...Baby?” It was Katsuki of course, but a softer version of him. A broken one. “..I don’t know if you’re listening or if you’re awake..but I need you to know that I’m so so sorry.” It was easy to hear his muffled and staggered voice that exposed his tears and sobs. “If I could turn back time right now, I would do tonight all over again, I swear. I would’ve came home and listened to you. And we could’ve talked things out. We would’ve came out of this problem being a stronger couple than we were before...because that’s what we always do. We always make it out of the dark together..because we’re a team..and I need you. .....Please...please don’t leave me Y/N. I love you so much. ‘M so sorry that I hurt you..that I burned you..that I’m such a terrible husband. But I promise you I’ll fix everything in the morning...................Teddy Bear?”

He didn’t know it, but you were listening. You heard every word but refrained from speaking. You knew that the second you did, you’d break down and go crawling back to him....but you didn’t want to do that. You wanted to leave. He physically burned you and you wanted to leave. You were going to sleep for a few hours, and when you would awaken, you would pack a bag and leave. And so, you began your plan and tried to get some sleep as tear streaks marked your face. It would all be over soon.

You woke up to the morning sun.

6:50 a.m.

You rose out of bed and rubbed at your puffy eyes. You quietly got ready in the bathroom and applied the slightest bit of makeup to look more presentable. You took out a pair of shoes and tossed them to the center of the room. You were in your closet and pulled out a bag. You stuffed it full of a few clothes for you to wear, you couldn’t stay here. Not after what he did. You fought through the pain as you pulled on your jacket and placed your shoes on. You wiped your tears as you picked up your purse and got ready to leave. You were going to stay in a hotel. Didnt matter where or how expensive. You just needed to get away.

Finally, you walked to the exit of the bedroom. You took a breath before you slowly turned the knob and was greeted with the sight of a sleeping Bakugou. He had slept in the hallway in front of the bedroom, still wearing the same clothes from the night before. His knees were scrunched up with his arms resting there to be used as a pillow. He layed his head atop of his arms and as you looked down into his hands, you saw the rag. The exact rag from the argument. The rag that he attempted to use to help you. Little did you know, Bakugou hadn’t planned on getting rid of it until you let him use it to help you. He wanted nothing more than to fix his mistake and cater to you and your wound.

You shook your head as you felt tears began to fill your eyes but you refused to let them fall. You took a step and sadly awoken the exact man you were trying to avoid. Bakugou had quickly woken up when he heard the slightest noise and was blessed with the beauty that is you. He looked up at you with wide eyes and a small smile.

“Y/N...” was what he whispered before he quickly got up to run to you.

“Y/N!” He ecstatically said with a hint of relief. He was about to wrap him arms around you but you kept a hand at his chest to keep him at bay. “Baby?...”

Bakugou looked at you with hurt and confused eyes when you didn’t welcome his embrace. Even when you were mad at him, you still allowed him to hold you so what gives? He looked at you and your attire. He noticed your jacket and shoes and saw you holding a bag. “W-what are you doing?”

You walked away from him but he snatched your wrist to make you turn to face him. “Y/N! What’s going on?!” He frantically asked with crazed eyes. You snatched your wrist back and ran down the stairs and he copied your actions. He followed you into the living room until he grabbed your wrist once more. You tried to pull away again but found it harder because this time, he gripped it tight.

“W-where are you going baby?”

“Dont call me that.”

“What? Why? Baby, please tell me what’s going on.” He begged as he squeezed your wrist.

“What’s going on? Are you serious? What does it look like? I’m leaving!” Bakugou’s eyes went wide once more and shook his head.

“N-no! No, why!?”

“Why?! Look at my arm!” You screamed.

“I know! I know and I’m so sorry! But..but you don’t have to go! I can fix you up, I’ll take you to recovery girl, I will bring you to the best hospitals around the world to fix that for you! Just please don’t go!” He bargained and offered everything but you weren’t budging.

“It’s not just the burn Bakugou.” You deadpanned with a nonchalant face. His heart felt heavy after hearing your voice refer to him with his family name.

“..I-it’s Katsuki! Your Katsuki! It’s Suki, baby please!” Bakugou stepped closer as he cried once more but you backed away again. His hold on your wrist still strong as his fingers played with the ring on your hand, trying to calm himself down and remind himself that you are still his wife.

You shook your head at his pleading. “Bakugou. You burned me. But not only that, you’ve neglected me for months.”

“I know that! And I’m sorry! I will spend just as much time off of work to make it up to you, I swear I will, I promise!” He once again bargained.

“It’s too late.”

“No it’s not, please, it can’t be!”

“It is Bakugou-“

“KATSUKI! ....please...please don’t call me that. I’m your Katsuki,” he said with a whimpering voice. At this point you felt the tears come through, but you still didn’t allow them to fall.

“Katsuki...I can’t stay here. Too much damage has been done.” You said with a soft voice. Bakugou continued to shake his head ‘no,’ but you already made up your mind. You used your wind quirk in your hand and blew his grip off your wrist. You took the quick opportunity to walk to the door but Bakugou grabbed your bag off your shoulder in a childish panic and attempt to get you to stay.

“Hey!-“

“Please Y-Y/N! Please don’t leave me! I- I know I’ve been a terrible husband! I’m sorry! B-But I promise I’ll do better. I’ll stay at home more, I’ll spend more time with you, Please!”

“Katsu-“

“I’ll buy you whatever you want! I’ll get you all the expensive brands, I’ll find you all the best jewelry, I’ll give you all the money in the world! I’ll give you the whole world! Please stay! I love you so much Y/N!”

“Katsuki, give me back my bag,” you tried to reach for it but Bakugou kept it away from you and pulled you in with one arm and held you in a tight embrace as he cried on your shoulder.

“Please...you can’t do this to me. I need you. I love you! I’ll do better! I’ll be a better husband, I swear..just please don’t go.” He softly spoke with a broken voice and soft hiccups. It was wrong for you to do this, but you sighed and pretended to forgive him as you wrapped your arms around his torso. You hugged him tight and he fell for it as he openly sobbed now. His other arm that held your bag came to wrap around your waist but before it could, you snatched the bag out of his hold and pushed him away. You ran to the door and held a tight grip on the knob as you picked up your car keys. You saw Katsuki attempt to run back to you but you created a strong barrier of wind to protect you. “IM SORRY Y/N! PLEASE DONT!”

You took off your ring and tossed it to him through the barrier. He was quick to catch it and hold it right in fear of losing it. He had to find a way to get it back on your finger. “No..baby...Teddy Bear please!”

“....I’ll send you the divorce papers....Goodbye Katsuki.”

With that, you walked out of the door, still keeping the barrier alive. Once you started the car, you dispersed of the wind and Bakugou opened the door and ran to your car.

“Y/N wait! Please!” He cried out but he was too late. You pulled out of the driveway and drove off quickly down the street. He watched your car go as he began hyperventilating and tugging at his ash blonde locks. He ran back inside the house with your ring in hand as he looked for his phone. He found it on the kitchen island and quickly dialed your number. Of course, it went straight to voicemail but that didn’t stop him from calling about 50x more.

“This-...this has to be some stupid dream. A fucking nightmare...” he said as he tried to hide in denial. “Yeah...a nightmare. This is what it is...I’ll..I’ll wake up soon and she’ll be by my side in the morning...sleeping peacefully...and I’ll take the whole week off and spend it with her. She won’t be mad, we’ll be happy like we always are. S-She won’t leave me.”

Bakugou had an insane smile on his face with eyes of distraught on him. He clumsily made his way back to his bedroom where he flopped onto the large mattress and tried to get some sleep. He would sleep the whole day away if it meant you’d still be by his side when he woke up. The ring you abandoned was held tight in the palm of his hand as he held it close to his chest. His sobs overcame him but did aid in his journey to slumber. Eventually, he knocked out and a smile of bliss adorned his face as he assumed you would still be there in the morning.....oh how wrong he was.

The very next day, he woke up at 5:30 like he always did and quickly looked to your side of the bed. It was cold and empty. He was lonely. The exact same feeling you got everytime you woke up without seeing him for the past 6 months.

6 months. You’ve been married for 4 years and together for 8. Out of those 8 years, Bakugou spent 6 months neglecting you..and now...he lost you.

He stared at the empty space and bawled his eyes out like a baby as he screamed. He got out of bed and walked to the kitchen. Maybe you were cooking breakfast! You weren’t. Kitchen was empty. He ran to the living room! Maybe you were just watching some TV and reading a book, looking all cute and domesticated like you usually did. No, you weren’t there either. Bakugou checked every room in the house and when he couldn’t find you..he snapped.

His heart beated at a rapid pace as he trashed the entire house. Breaking windows, flipping desks, smashing furniture. He used his quirk to create blasts and burn marks into the walls and floors of the house. He did everything to get his frustrations out. The entire time he shouted and cried as rivers of tears flowed down his cheeks.

When he was done, he sat in the middle of the destroyed living room, laying his back against the flipped couch. He sat with his knees scrunched up as he hunched over, staring at the ground. His nose and eyes and basically his entire face grew puffy and red. His hair was a mess and so was he. Silent tears continued to drop, but his throat was too dry and hurt far too much for him to make anymore noise. However, he did fight through the pain to say one final thing:

“What have I done?”

A/N: hi cubsss! So a lot of you may know that my very first post, writing piece, and short story (He’s Lost) was created around angst, a breakup, and the fact that the triggering point was Bakugou physically hurting Y/N. I’ve been thinking about it and I HATE MY WRITING IN THE FIRST POST! It was terrible! Why tf did y’all like it so much?😭 And so, I’ve created a new piece revolving around the same elements, sorta as a way to check my progress. I hope you enjoyed!

ALSO!!! If you guys like this enough, I’m willing to turn it into a small yandere short story if you Cubs are down for that. Let me know and I’ll make it happen! Love you Cubs! See you next time🧸💗

3K notes · View notes

cirilee · 4 years

Text

i just found a text my browser had saved on a word count website, and i apparently typed it last november while being sad - i just wanna have a place to post it, and it explains why i was gone for most of may through november last year.

if you’re interested, u can read, it’s basically just a long long long vent and i wanna save it somewhere :’)

(and if you wanna, you can tell me what u think of the whole thing, maybe share if something like that happened to you too, because man, this whole thing was WEIRD for me)

bottom line is: i’m much better now and have way better friends then back then and in general, i’m a pretty happy person again^^

My parents and me had been fighting a lot the past years. I still love them. For a while though, it was just shouting matches between us. We weren't really speaking to each other throughout january 2019 until april 2019, so i wasn't informed by them that they were planning to mOVE OUT. And the place they wanted to move to only had enough space for 2 people. now my brother and me had 3 months total to find and finance our own flats. i was desperate. 2 months i unsuccessfully searched for a job or a flat or a way to make a deposit for said flat, without any saved up money. an old school friend offered to move out together. i only saw him once every month for group activities. he was nice, but we also had a bit of a history. 3 years ago he had acted kinda scummy and tried to get me to be his girlfriend because "he couldnt find anybody else” - ending in a "movie night with friends" that turned out to be a trap, where the only one spending the night was me because he only invited me. creepy. he apologized and i forgave him and we were chill and it was normal between us. i realize now, that i should have just left him out of my life at that point. but time was running out, so i gave in and asked myself "whats the worst he could do. i’ve known this person for 12 years and the he's part of my friend group" we set up basic rules, how we would pay for stuff, etc. .. we moved in. it seemed fine. then i noticed that he talked A LOT. and he wanted A LOT of attention. after a day of working on my diploma or working at my job, he would assert himself in my room and try to engage in smalltalk. i am not the hermit type. i engaged with him, i joined in on his conversation. but when i was already tired he wouldn't accept "i'm gonna go to sleep". there was always something else he needed to talk about. I was trying to make clear to him that i needed alone time too, but no matter how honest i was, the message either didn't seem to stick, or he'd get upset and start asking me if i hated him. With that, i could have kept up with in the long run. Then he started knocking on my door. even when it was already late and i already told him i was gonna go to sleep. Repeatedly knocking on my door. At some point he just opened the door. It was 1am. I pretended to sleep. I could hear him breathing, it sounded angry. He eventually closed the door. The next morning i confronted him. He argued it away as him trying to warn me that he was going to take a shower, so that i wouldn't use the bathroom. He started commenting on how i wasn't funny enough around him. in that friend group, i'm the funny one :c. but i cant keep up that energy 24/7 (this was supposed to be a home, not a free neverending standup act, for this one guy). that confused him. the next day he asked me if i had depression. My parents had given me a griller/toaster as a parting gift (there’s a backstory for that too but anyways) my flatmate ALSO had that same toaster. He demanded we make up our minds which one to keep. i didn't understand why this was important to him and i hated discussing this useless topic with him so i stored the toaster in my room. He repeatedly suggested i throw mine away (?). One evening i got hungry and decided i'd make myself a toast in my room. So i made some toast. Suddenly he bursts in. And he starts ranting. "why are you doing this are you CRAZY you cant TOAST in your own room thats DANGEROUS you're gonna start a fire, don't ever do that again, we have a KITCHEN for that. why don't you want to use the kitchen you cant just HIDE from me every day, this is OUR flat and i want us to live TOGETHER!" He didn't stop talking and it overwhelmed me, so (this is embarrassing, but) i actually started crying and i turned away from him so i could try to control myself. and he just started babytalking me "awww its alright i didn't mean to scare you, but you see, you shouldn't have done that". he tried putting his arms around me, i told him to stop. "you need a hug right now" ...... i was so angry i think my brain might have short circuited because the next hour was me just acting the whole way through. i told him everything he wanted to hear. i was so sorry for almost burning the house down and made up some explanation that my parents were still making me sad, so i needed distance. The next big thing involved one of my best friends. she wanted to spontaneously go out for an evening. so i put on some pants and of course: HE appears in my room, asking where i'm going. i was surprised by the question and just answered "going out with Lina" he left it at that. then suddenly: "can i come too?" He threw me off with that question. Lina had said she needed some advice on personal stuff, so I said "no" because i didn't have a better answer. he got ANGRY. i explained. "Lina wants some privacy, i'm sorry" He starts arguing that Lina is just as much his best friend, and that he should be allowed to hear what she wants to say to me. Before i can reply he slams his door shut. "Don't even try to explain yourself", he says. I told my friend while meeting up with her and she began with the sympathetic "you should have said yes" and we argued about it and then she came out with this absolutely horrifying sentence: "you know how he is. you cant be *too* honest with him. he's sensitive. you need to lie to him so he doesn't get mad" it was as if i'd been splashed with cold water. i said i didn't agree with that. that that was actually unfair to HIM. nobody likes being lied to and treated less than. she called him, told him i was gonna apologize and he showed up with the angriest expression i ever saw in his face. he accused me of being depressed and that he now has the burden of my mental issues to bear. This he assumed because one night i told him about me dissassociating sometimes a few years ago. Then he wanted me to promise i would never leave him, because he's afraid i won't be able to pay my part of the rent. the crowning moment was my friend Lina mostly agreeing with him and both of them berating me for not having my life together because i still hadn't managed to find an open-ended contract job, only limited-time jobs. at the end he justified himself by saying he cant stand my parents phoning me. (at that point they had started calling me everyday and showed genuine concern ... i was trying to reform a bond with them) - apparently he resented that. he knew about my parents disciplining me with face slaps as a kid (when i was 9-11 yrs old) (they feel bad about it, and they they stopped doing it fairly early) in that moment my flatmate chose to tell me ..... (hoo boy i need to get ready to type this) .... "i'm concerned about you. if your father would ever beat you, i would beat him to a bloody pulp" then he repeated "i would beat him/kill him" a few times, VERY agitatedly. it was scary and at that point i was numb. i didn't really respond, i just said "its fine" or something to that extent. the thing that made me decide to move out (although certainly among many that followed that night) was this: one morning i informed him i was going to visit my parents that weekend. we had started talking again (as i mentioned before and i wanted to meet them without fighting for once). he says "but you're coming back, right". i say "of course don't be so nervous". i go to work. i get a LOT OF texts from him suddenly. i skim through it. he's mad about me calling him "nervous". i don't reply/read bc i am at work. Then he actually CALLS me. i don't pick up. now i'm thinking: What is so important, that he has to call me during work. there's a 4 paragraph essay in my inbox. "watch your mouth", "you have no right to speak that way to me", "you should have more respect". he was mad i called him nervous. i responded that i don't have time to reply. he argued back. at one point i said "if i cant even call you nervous then i'm ACTUALLY gonna stay with my parents" he fiNALLY didn't reply to that. after a 10hour day i come home. i wanna shower. i go to my room, close the door and start undressing myself. of course, there's knocking on my door. i say "No" he flips out. i calmly tell him i'm only half dressed. he flips out even more, says i'm a horrible person who WANTS to fight because my "no" wasn't a good enough answer and i should have explained in full detail why he couldn't get in. he was actually SERIOUS. this was his reasoning for flipping out. he goes away. not even a minute passes by and he hammers his fist against my door again. "OPEN UP THIS TIME I *HAVE* TO COME IN" at this point i'm beginning to get kinda scared so i say "come in" He comes in and says he needs me to disconnect with the wifi because he needs it for his work. i calmly say "ok" and disconnect my wifi. he goes away, leaves the door open. i stand up to go and close my door. HE ACTUALLY GOES AND PULLS AGAINST ME TO TRY TO PRY IT OPEN AGAIN. eventually he lets go and then he flips out FOR REAL. he starts screaming about how i'm a psycho, and that im crazy and awful and he has been nothing but nice and that he "saved" me and i haven't been thankful enough.

.... ..

yes, i was in a difficult position. but that flatmate arrangement was made on even ground. he had wanted to move out from his parents for years. i fled and left. called my parents, but they were miles away and laughed it off. i would have probably too. i called my friends. Lina offered to come and mediate. He continued screaming even with Lina there. It culminated with him roaring at me, pointing at the door saying "if you don't like how i treat you, there's the door, leave right now" with lina replying "don't say that, you NEED her money to pay rent!" it was awful, and an eye-opener. the next day, on the way to work, i decided i was gonna move out. and before i could tell him, i get a message from him (!). An ultimatum. he tells me i have 3 options. 1) leave immediately and take my stuff away within a week. i wouldn't have "pay any more than i've already payed" (it was the first day of that month and i had already payed my rent. nice) 2) stay for half a year, but immediately pay him something so that he knows i'll stay 3) stay indefinitely, but set up a " bevahiour contract" with him, so this "never happens again" i told him i'd take option 1 and then i stayed over at a friends house. then at a friends shared appartement. then at dormitary and soon i'm gonna move in with my younger brother. we've been estranged a bit but grown closer through this whole thing. now Lina and him are still friends and lina blames me for "everyone in our friend group" being mad at him. one of her first concerns, was that her birthday parties are gonna be weird now. i am completely done with her as well and don't want her in my life anymore. according to her, I left him with a rent he cant pay and i should feel bad for that. except i dont. should i though?

#vent #rant

50 notes · View notes

lemonadetyler · 5 years

Text

peter takes your virginity

pairing: peter parker x reader

type: smut // headcanon

a/n: wanna join my marvel tag list? just send me an ask :)

- so you’ve been dating peter for a hot minute & you know damn well its time for y’all to fuck

- not just timing wise, but you’ve wanted to for a while now

- peter obviously wants to too, but the lil baby won’t say so bc he doesn’t wanna make u uncomfortable in case u don’t want to.

- when you climb on his lap during make out sessions (which there are so many of), peter gets so hard & when you notice or gesture to it he gets SO embarrassed

- one time you very lightly started grinding on him & he couldn’t stop apologizing for getting a boner

- “it was an accident i swear!!”

- “peter, i would be upset if u didn’t get one.”

- like my mans is really so innocent

- so it’s gonna be a challenge.

- but sis gotta plan: peter comes over everyday after school to do homework & hang out. but today you’re gonna ‘forget’ he’s coming & fall asleep in your bed with some sexy underwear on

- girls gotta do what a girls gotta do

- you get home & practically rip your clothes off trying to get ready in time

- “wish peter was the one ripping my clothes off.” 🐸☕️

- so you put the bra & panties on & god damn do u look hot

- titties? popping. booty? thriving

- & you’re positioned in literally the most sexual position possible, like these itty bitty transparent panties are showing it ALL to whomever might walk through your door ;))

- & then it happens; peter walks in your room like usual

- “hey, y/n, do you think- woah!” peter exclaims

- you’re still fake asleep like the lil sneak bitch u are lmao

- you can feel peter’s eyes on u & know he’s staring hard

- u know that’s not all that’s hard in the room ;))

- he very gently begins to cover u up

- like a true gentlemen in peter parker fashion

- u fake wake up, “oh, peter!”

- “oh, uh, hey y-y/n.”

- “sorry i was so tired i just completely passed out after school.”

- “do u, uh, usually wear that to school?” peter asks, nervous as hell, SHOOTING HIS SHOT.

- “maybe you could find out?” you say with a lil smile.

- OH GIRL YES U REALLY DID JUST

- “i don’t know- i don’t wanna do something you’re uncomfortable with.” peter confesses to you.

- “uncomfortable?” you question. “peter i’ve been trying to get in your pants for months. you’re my boyfriend, i want this.”

- “you do??” he asks sounding surprised. & yes, he did sound very excited

- “peter, please.” you beg him, need in your voice.

- peter has never taken his shirt & jeans off faster

- he’s holding himself up on top of you while y’all making out

- he’s slowly beginning to make his way towards your jaw & down your neck. you are a moaning mess. peter is grinding just a lil & honestly, homeboy got moves.

- so you’re getting really wet so you’re starting to buck your hips up to meet his.

- “okay babygirl, i’m coming.” he tells you as he moves his mouth down to your pussy.

- ALSO

- BABYGIRL

- THAT NICKNAME

- FUCK ME IN THE ASS WITH A PLASTIC SPORK THAT IS HOT

- but peter isn’t stopping there, he’s picking you up and carrying you off the bed. you’re being slammed against the wall & peter is holding you against it while beginning to leave a trail of kisses down your thigh

- your panties are still on & are so thin & they are absolutely soaked

- peter is sucking on your clit & kissing your pussy lips through the thin fabric & you just physically cant

- “oh my god peter where did u learn to that?” you cry in between moans

- “let me make u feel good, babygirl”

- alright that’s fine we can do that

- peter finally slides your panties to the side & he just goes for it, diving his tongue inside of you. you’re not gonna last long. homeboy knows how to work that tongue

- “peter i’m gonna come.”

- “come on my face, baby.”

- YOUR INNOCENT LIL PETER BEAN SAID WHAT

- as previously stated, you did not last long. not after fuckin mr. clean himself dropped that dirty talk on u

- so peter let’s you down & you look at the bulge in his pants & it is large.

- “your turn.” you tell peter.

- “i don’t have a condom.” peter confesses.

- “i do.” you tell peter.

- “of course you do.” peter says sarcastically.

- you hand the condom to peter & he slips it over his length

- you’re lying on the bed again

- “are you sure about this? we don’t have to?” peter tells you.

- he’s so caring & always wanting to make sure you’re comfortable

- “i want this peter.” you remind him.

- he slides into you so gently & you expected some pain but honestly shit slaps

- “peter you can move.” you tell him.

- he begins to rock back forth, just barely pulling the tip out before sliding back in

- he’s constantly asking you if you’re okay

- you’re constantly telling him that it feels amazing

- “am i doing okay?” peter asks worriedly

- “you’re doing great.” you tell him.

- but soon the pleasure is getting too much to handle again

- “faster peter.”

- “are you sure?”

- “peter. i want you to fuck me.”

- & so he was off to races

- slamming into you; hard, fast, deep. dick game so strong stg

- “fuck right there.” you moan

- “you’re so tight.” peter tells you.

- “peter i’m gonna come again.”

- “not until you’re screaming my name.”

- BITCH WAS HE RIGHT

- he starts rubbing circles on your clit

- making you feel sum type of way

- you are SCREAMING his name

- your orgasm is ripping through you

- “mmm, fuck, y/n” peter moans & bites his lip as he reaches his climax.

- soon peter is collapsing besides you, your naked bodies breathing heavily together after both of your first times.

- “so how was it?” peter asks you

- “same time tomorrow?” you reply

- “i’ll be there.” peter agrees.

tag list:

@smilexcaptainx

3K notes · View notes

sugarpun-fairy · 5 years

Text

BEING A FAN AND DATING JOEL PIMENTEL - HEADCANNON

A/n: i was just fooling around w my mate @brattybombshell when this came up LAST MONTH I’M LATE FOR EVERYTHING SO PLS FORGIVE ME

also this is huge so yeah, enjoy urselves

-x-

He meets you on the meet&greet

You're all shy and nervous and almost pass out too like the girl from that vid and he's enchanted

P.S. it's your first show ever

And you bring everyone a letter with a small gift in it

The boys joke with you the entire time, trying to make you loosen up a little

You notice some of Joel's looks at you but you're like

Nah, fam, me? Nop.

But the thing is that YES, FAM, YOU!

He's curious about you, your laugh and puns (that are just worse than Erick's)

He looks like a KID trying to find you when he's on stage

But he can't

You were too far for him to see you and oh if he could bring you closer (like to his side) HE WOULD

After the show he's asking the whole staff to find you

They can't

So he nicknames you Cinderella

You stole his heart and left without letting any traces

But he remembers your letter

He search for it like a dog searching a bone it dug on the backyard

He wants anything he can find about you, he NEEDS

A name, an address, an user

Homeboy is SO relieved when he finds your letter

When he reads it and see your number there? He's on the clouds

He could swear he wouldnt complain about ANYTHING ever AGAIN

Well, if you answered to a number from another country at least

He calls you

He text you

And you're like WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING MATE

That's when you pick up and he's like "hey it's me Joel"

You almost faint right there

Let's say that the show was on a Saturday and he's calling you at like

3 AM

And he's like PLEASE COME MEET ME I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU and you're like FUCK

Your flight is booked to the afternoon

You dont have this much time

The two of you don't even sleep

He sends a car to pick you up and you're a bit scared but SO excited (bc let's be honest the world is rlly dangerous for girls/women)

You didnt had time to put on makeup, just a quick shower so when you meet him you're all "oh boy I should have dressed up better why didnt I listened to my mom" AND HE LOOKS AT YOU AND HIS EYES FUCKING SHINE

That's when you stop, freeze and thinks

"Fuck

He's too much sand for my paper truck"

Then you see he's wearing the choker you gave him

And you melt

He's like "do you know a place we can go?" And you're like "I DONT LIVE HERE FUCK HE MUST THINK IM PATHETIC AND MUST BE REGRETTING CALLING ME HERE”

He finds it adorable how your body language shows your nervousness

You can't keep eye contact

But then you do

And then he's like "fuck" and you're like "fuck"

And he's like "if you dont feel uncomfortable we could just get some snacks and stay at my room and talk about life" and you're so nervous you just shake your head

You see the amount of letters and gifts in his bed and you're like

"IM REALLY HERE HOLY FUCK"

He doesnt make any move if he feels you're too uncomfortable

So by the sunrise you're both sitting beside the other eating something from room service and he's listening to you rambling about your life

(He finds it adorable how distracted you get when you're talk and how sometimes you mix languages)

Then you stop talking and just sits back

He's like omfgwhatdidido

And you're like imtalkingtoomuchheprollythinksimboring

You two stand there in silence and you look at the window

Sun is rising

His window is pointed straight at its direction

Mate

You love that boy

But theres nothing more magical than the sun rising so you just go

And he goes after you

Mate it's beautiful

The sun, all the colors

But hes not looking at it

Hes looking at how even more beautiful your smile gets when the sun hits your face

"I'm sorry can I kiss you?" He snaps

You're pretty sure you heard it wrong

"What? Wait really? Yes please!"

He nods and laugh

You're smaller so he's leaning down and suddenly you're so nervous YOU BURST OUT LAUGHING

Your next thought is "I fucked up" so yeah you cry a bit

You can't lie and say you hadn't cried already because the whole thing was SO UNREAL

The show

The meet

Being there with him

When he tries again it works

His hands are around your face then on your nape

You dare to put your on his shoulder and his hair

His hair is SOFT

You guys keep touch

Using instagram since you doesnt have iOS (you tell him you hate it and won't ever trade your lil samsung, he gives you one anyway just bc he can)

You're not sure how to feel about it

First you're on the show

Second you're kissing him at sunrise on his hotel room

Third he's sending you gifts just so you can talk more?????????

Anxiety kicks in OF COURSE it's way too much

He stops telling he's single on interviews

The boys tease him about it all the time

Talking about his Cinderella

There's a whole move on Twitter to find out who she is

You know who she is

Sometimes you're insecure

About his career

About you two

About the fandom

About EVERYTHING

He's always reassuring you about how he feels and doesnt care about anything else

(Your answer is always the same: anything else but music)

You're scared you'll start annoying him w your insecurities

So you start talking to the other boys too about it

Guess who slips that Joel wants to take you to tour with them when you can?

its hard to convince your parents, your vacation from work and college are not at the same time and you're like FUCK

the tour ends and you cant go and you're feeling so down

until he texts you saying he'll go to your country to see you

WE GOT POSTS EVERYWHERE "Is he going to see his so called Cinderella? So that means they met during the tour? Make your bets everyone"

it's crazy

you spend the first nights with him at the hotel before going to your house

the feeling of him being too much for you hits you everyday

gets worse when he goes to meet your family and youre like oh boy

you're so nervous you almost throw up

and everyone be like IM SORRY WAHT and you be like WE NEVER DID ANYTHING STOP RIGHT THERE

he spends that night at your house

its you, him, and your pet

and when you wake up you starts crying because you still can't believe

he also loves to hear you sing, even tho HE'S the singer there

its just a thing he likes, how you try your best even if you hate your own voice

a couple days before he goes back home he's like "get your passport i want you to go with me" and youre like "SO IF I TELL YOU ITS NOT THAT FAST WHAT WILL U DO"

and he just goes "JUST GET UR PASSPORT I HAVE A COUPLE MONTHS OFF AND I WANT YOU TO MEET MY FAMILY TOO"

At moment you're thinking if you could just leave everything behind and go live w him

part of you wants to

part of you is like "WHAT IF HE GETS TIRED OF YOU AND LEAVE YOU AND YOULL BE ALONE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY WHAT WILL YOU DO"

U insecure again

he talks to your parents, assure them you'll be fine

so you go

at first is just a short time

no one will die because of a little vacation right?

WRONG you're both destroyed when you have to go home

what do to? what to do?

stay? go? (SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO TANANANANA sorry)

you know he wants to ask you to stay, he knows he cant ask you that

you turn to him and be like "if i find a job here and have the proper documents ill stay" bc you dont wanna be a burden and want to have your own independence too

also california im not sure if he does live in california but for fictional purposes the answer is yes

one of your dreams

so you stay

he finds a small ap for you to share and his mom helps you find a nice job

when you're all set he turns to you and be like "i want to make us public" and you kinda just freezes right there

you've been together for almost a year now so why not? you end up going for it

-x-

taglist: @southside-sweets @batboys-and-other-messes @imaginesandideas @brattybombshell

142 notes · View notes

faangirl101 · 6 years

Text

Blind in love/ Bellamy x reader

Pairing: Bellamy x reader

Warning: Smut, fingering, Oral, blindfolds

summery: Your boyfriend has ignored you for weeks and your tired of it. He makes up for the lost weeks with a blindfold and his mouth

You looked over your cup of herb tea.

A steam of warmness breaking the cold air above it.

You drank carefully, avoiding burning your tongue.

Your eyes followed your boyfriend of soon 1 year, bellamy blake.

Bellamy blake was everything you could wish for.

With his softness against you over his normally so aggressive ways made your heart warm up.

But lately bell been cold.

It wasn't like him at all.

He been acting cold to you, always in the middle of somethings.

You hadnt had sex in months.

You doubted he only kissed you because it was a burden he had to do as your boyfriend.

A burden.

You pulled your knees against your chest humming.

A burden.

That's what you was to him.

You knew how tough it been lately for him.

With half his team dead and the other half stuck in mountain weather.

You knew that.

He didn't sleep at night.

You always lied in your shared tent waiting for him.

But he never showed up.

He hadn't slept in days.

Or maybe.

Maybe he was sleeping in somebody others tent.

With somebody else.

Like clarke.

Your stomach pulled itself together.

Maybe you needed a break.

The pain in your heart grew.

Maybe he needed sometime to himself without you as a burden.

There it was again ,a burden.

And no matter how much your heart tried to tell you otherwise, your brain knew.

He needed it.

Your thinking got broken up by a pair of legs appearing in front of you.

You looked up the beautiful body meeting his face.

“Hi”, you said and tried pushing the bad thought away.

He only hummed in response picking up a paper from the table to your right.

Your body was cold again.

Of course he came here to take the papers, and not to talk with you.

“baby?”, you looked up to him “i made you some herb tea.. if you want”.

He hummed again looking over the paper “No, im good”.

Your heart sank possibly lower.

You nervously took a to deep gulp of the tea, burning your tongue.

“Fuck”, you swore almost dropping the cup in the sudden pain.

It felt like fire and you could already feel it grow swollen and numb in your mouth.

“Fuck i burnt my tongue”, you hissed at bellamy, trying to talk as clearly as you could.

Bell only looked up for a moment before looking down again “don't do it again”.

Tears were forming in your eyes and you looked down.

He didn't even care.

There was no love in his eyes.

Only cold.

Everything was so cold.

You slowly place the cup on the table looking down.

“Bell?”, you whispered, not even sure he could hear you, “We should take a break”.

And there it was, out in the open.

It burnt more than the tea on your tongue.

You expected him to answer with a “okay” or even maybe a “good”.

But nothing came.

Maybe he didn't hear.

You looked up and was about to repeat it when you saw his face.

In utterly shock.

No relief or happiness as you expected.

He was so caught of guard he looked like he was about to faint.

his lips partly open, while his eyes were wide open.

“What”, he breathed out and put down the paper.

Full attention now on you.

You suddenly felt unsure, maybe you made a mistake.

You opened your mouth again “i mean, your so busy right now, and with everything going on I thought… you maybe would need to take a break.. from me.

It's okay bell, i don't wanna be a burden, i understand”.

His eyes were suddenly shiny with pain.

His breathing hard.

And last time you saw him like this…

Was when octavia got thrown into prison.

So full with pain.

He blamed himself, you realized.

“listen to me baby”, his voice were low and shaky “you could never ever, be a burden to be, i love you”.

Suddenly the “i love you” phrase was pointless.

It used to mean so much.

But now, it meant nothing.

Even if his voice were filled with pain, it felt like he only tried to save his skin.

He didn't care about you.

Your eyes was filled with even more tears and you were about to burst.

You roughly grabbed his hand pulling him away.

Away from all the people and attention.

Somehow, you landed in your shared tent.

Or maybe after this, it would only be his tent.

You turned to him and when you saw his face, you couldn't hold back all the emotion you've been carrying for months.

Tears were spilling down your cheeks.

“Don't you dare bell”, you dried your nose with your shirt “don't you dare”.

He watched your every movement, swallowing thickly.

“You only love me when you want something! tell me why you havent quote on quote “loved me” for months”.

Your voice came out louder than you expected.

He opened his mouth about to say something but you pressed your finger against his lips.

You shook your head “you have nothing but ignored me for weeks. But now you wanna talk, of course. How do you think it feels when you make dinner for your boyfriend but he never comes home, i didn't even get a sorry.

You know what i got, a cold look.

That's all i've been getting for months.

And how do you think i feel when i have to sleep alone, think about who´s tent my boyfriend might sleep in tonight.

I feel awful.

I feel like i'm only a burden to you.

Now, go ahead go ahead say whatever you wanted to say”.

Now he was crying.

It wasn't often you saw bell cry.

Your heart softened.

“God, i had no idea, im so stupid”, he murmured running a hand through his hair “i love you so much, i'm not only saying so because i'm scared to be alone.

I'm scared of being in a life where your not there.

God, id die.

I love you, so fucking much.

I love your smile, your eyes.

I love how you twirl your hair while your nervous.

I love how easy you can get me in a good mood.

I love how you scream my name.

I love every curve of your body.

I must be the stupidest man alive for not telling you all this everyday.

Let me make it up for you, please.

Let me make up for all this time, just please don't break up with me”.

i was quiet.

Searching his eyes, looking for any kinds of lies.

All i saw was love.

And it was all i needed.

I wrapped my arms around him and he quickly did the same.

He moved my hair, pressing his wet cheeks against my neck.

I shivered, hugging him even tighter.

He murmured over over how much he loved me in my ear.

And i listened.

Because that's all i longed to hear for months.

He nuzzled in between my shoulder and hair and pressed his lips against the soft skin.

I let out a sigh as the kisses slowly started to make there way up my neck and back again.

“Bell”, i mumbled and he hummed against my skin.

“I love you to”.

That was all he needed to stirr on even more.

He pushed you away and kissed your neck.

Wet kisses went up and down your neck.

You slowly let out a moan when he founded your sweet spot.

He smiled against your skin before sucking on the spot.

“mmm”, you breathed out as he slowly laid you down on your shared bed.

“I'm gonna make you feel so good baby”, he rubbed his erection against your thigh “you feel that, mmm, that's all for you baby”.

You arched your neck giving him more space to kiss your throat.

Suddenly his touch disappeared and you let out a moan at the loss.

He chuckled and you opened your eyes.

He was hovering above you with a proud smirk on his lips.

“Cant believe your all mine”, he whispered before pressing a soft kiss against your lip.

then his touch disappeared.

Again.

You watched him go across the room.

First confused, before he took up a blindfold.

You pressed your legs together, feeling already wet panties between them.

“I was planning on using it on you, but stupid kane always calling me in”, he muttered before sitting down on the bed.

“We don't have to, if you don't want to of course… but i want you to feel me, really feel me”.

You kissed him hard “bell, i want to”.

That's all the direction he needed as he softly drove it over your hair.

The soft silk material against your skin was make you even wetter.

Then it drove over your eyes, leaving you in a comfortable darkness.

Before you could say anything his lips was against your skin again, leaving you breathless.

He teasley mouthed your collarbones.

“Bell please”, you begged “hurry up”.

He chuckled again “i'm only getting started, but you need to lose this”.

You felt him tugging the material of your shirt so you pulled up your hands.

The shirt went over your hair brushing against your blindfold.

He left wet kisses up and down your stomach leaving you shivering.

His hands softly moved up towards your breasts, barely touching you.

Finally they rounded your boobs.

All you wanted was to move your bra but when you tried he grabbed your wrist.

“My pace hunie, enjoy instead”, he said before squirming your left breast.

After to long of massaging, according to you,you felt him lose the bra.

Your nipples standing proudly in the chilly air making him groan.

He rolled the nipple between his finger and thumb.

You arched your back moaning.

He kept the torturing until you felt his mouth around your nipple.

“Bell omg”, you screamed when he sucked on it gently.

He moved on to the next breast giving it the same treatment.

That's when you felt his teeth slowly brushing against the sensitive plump.

You screamed out again, pressing the boob into his mouth.

You could feel his fingers trace down until he was right above your clit.

“You sure you want this baby”, he asked stopping.

You let out a pissed whine “baby, please! i'm gonna come untouched, please! touch me”.

He hummed and his finger touch your clit “i love when you beg”.

you moaned loudly when he touched the sensitive spot.

Slowly he started circulating his thumb, in a painfully slow speed.

Your pussy throbbed for attention as the pressure against your stomach grew.

“Bell”, you whimpered and bucked against his hand.

Suddenly the pressure disappeared and you tried to listen what he was doing.

You sighed happily when you felt the tug of your pants, they were fast off your legs.

“God your beautiful”, he murmured before you heard a sound of material ripping apart.

“Bell”, you squeaked “did you just rip my panties”.

He chuckled darkly “They're my panties now”.

Before you could argue him a wet tongue pressed against your clit.

You screamed as he started to move it faster.

The pressure in your stomach were quickly building up again.

His finger pushed itself inside you.

Of corse his long thick finger brushed against your sweet spot without even trying.

“Omg”, you moaned bucking against his mouth.

another finger added.

He could even add a third.

Your lower parts stretched and his rough tongue against your clit made you come.

“Bell”, you screamed out your hands gripping his hair tightly.

The intense orgasm rocked your body, leaving every nerve on fire.

Your whole body was shaking in the process.

You came with a scream.

Your body suddenly felt limp and tired.

From such a intense orgasm you were exhausted.

Slowly you dragged the blindfold of your face.

The room was not so much darker than the inside of the blindfold.

Between your legs were bellamy.

A proud smirk curving his lips as he lowered himself, lapping up the rests of your orgasm.

His whole face was wet.

Omg.

You squirted.

Right.

On.

His.

Face.

A blush crept up your cheeks.

bellamy lied next to you wrapping his arms around your waist and kissing your sweaty forehead.

“But you”, you looked down only to see him already finished.

“I came from watching you, damn my girls hot”, he murmured and you sighed.

“Goodnight bellamy”, you whispered happy to have him back in your bed.

“I love you”, he said into your hair.

“I love you to”.

#bellamy #bellamy blake #bellamy x reader #bellamy smut #bellamy blake x reader #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #the 100 fandom #smut #blindfold #fluff #angst

191 notes · View notes

fairyangelkate · 4 years

Text

i !!hate!! tht i have so much pain and anger inside me but idk how to make it stop. i cant believe a person can make me feel so unworthy and undeserving of love. i never thought i was the kind of person who'd be shaken by a relationship but i literally feel like my entire self was snatched up and crushed. how can this be. everyday i feel less and less alive and like i don't matter bc if i did, this wouldn't have happened to me. i do blame myself for sticking around and sometimes i do wish i could go back and not get myself into this mess and just moved along. i was ok before all of this, i was happy and alone. now i have this new trauma i have to deal with and i am losing sleep and battling body dysmorphia and i can't even look at myself in the mirror. i am so scared of everything and i can't express my feelings properly bc i fear that i will make someone upset. i literally just wanna die. i dont know how to exist without feeling like im too much or like im unwanted. i am so used to the feeling of being put in the back burner, being neglected that i truly have isolated myself just so i won't have to relive it. everyday i have to cry when i wake up just so i can get up and get through the day, telling myself it's ok bc when i get home i get to sleep again. my therapist is the only person i feel safe talking to because she welcomes my shame and pain. i can't talk to anyone else about this because i don't wanna get anyone in trouble. i feel like i will explode. it's not true that u can teach people how to love u.. it's not. u can tell people exactly how to show up for u and they still won't. i am so tired of feeling like this. i am so tired of physically feeling every pain in my heart and soul. i just wanted to love and be loved and now i'm literally crushed into pieces and i truly don't know what i did to deserve this. now im left to deal with all of this while the person who hurt me gets to live a happy life and move on so smoothly. and i do wish them happiness but.: i am literally suffering and they just get to walk away

0 notes

kitsuhe · 6 years

Text

i wanna rant about my shitty grandparents (mostly grandfather for now) and how my parents didnt deserve any of this.

a side story of how my parents met: my mom was from China and worked in a cafe (with lodging) for years. she wanted to leave china because the marriage laws werent very good to women, they didnt have a lot of rights, and people can just get married and divorced on a whim, and so a marriage there would make her feel very insecure.

she saw loads of men with fancy motorcycles they probably borrowed flirting with the waitresses and getting them pregnant even though some of those men were married already. she saw loads of waitresses in and out of the job, and so she willed to never give in to the flirtations and worked at the cafe till she was around 26.

my father’s boss was in that area once in a while and frequented that cafe. he noticed my mom who always remained there and was like hey she seemed to be a nice woman and so he introduced her to his son, aka my fathers colleague.

according to my mom, the son was a wishy-washy man who couldnt make up his mind. they went for a few dates and things werent really clicking. my father, however, said ‘i want her’ when he saw her and so the choice was made, they started dating, and she went back to china for the time being. they then maintained a long distance relationship with phone calls, and one year later she came to singapore and got married.

cute, right?

then the in-laws hell, aka my grandparents begun.

and now my father’s backstory, first:

he was the classic example of the scapegoat i think. out of his siblings (an older brother, a younger brother, and a younger sister), he was the one my grandparents hated the most. ‘hated’ isnt even an exaggeration, apparently hey did tell him explicitly that he was the one they hated the most. A+ parenting yall. when in school, while his siblings get 50cents and 30cents (in order of favouritism), he got 20cents or none. they didnt care about the education of their kids, and so my dad dropped out at P3 (9 years old) and the others all within primary school age. my aunt may have went further though, im not sure.

when he started working at 13, my grandma would wait at the door everytime he got his salary and took all of it away. i dont think he got to keep any of it. she gambled quite often and spent loads of money.

it was from these incredibly unfair xperiences on childhood that my dad swore he would treat and spoil his kids and not show favouritism.

my parents got married years later, and basically everyone in my extended family h a t e d my mom, despite it being entirely non-justified because my mom is a freaking wonderful woman who isnt afraid of hardwork. Because my mom came from china, im presuming that its some mixture of xenophobia and racism that made them say that my mom was only here to mooch off my dad, and treat her like shit, until they didnt as they finally opened their eyes.

over here, all men have to go through compulsory national serivce, and my dad was no exception. after serving the 2 years they have to go back periodically for reservist training. this is the background info for this incident im going to repeat from my mother.

after she got married over here, my dad still had to go for reservist training. they only had a limited amount of time to use the phone after one entire week. my mom called him, talked to him as his wife, before uncle2 (the younger brother) interruppted her and told her to stop using the phone. assuming that he had an emergency, my mom quickly finished and hung up, my dad losing his rare few minutes to talk to his wife.

then uncle2 didnt use the phone.

god fucking damn it.

an example of unfair treatment: uncle1 had a different wife at that time. while my mom cooked entire meals for the family (they were living with my grandparents and uncle2 and probably aunt at that time) while being pregnant, when it came to be her birthday, my grandma didnt give her a red packet (gift of money). ‘im an old woman who hasnt worked for years, i have no money’.

then when it came to uncle1′s wife, who had never cooked any food and only got takeaways when she visited, she got a big shiny red packet from my grandma.

yeah, what the hell. my mom said she was very upset about this and cried. god, she was surrounded by people who hated her and yet she still worked so hard for them, she genuinely doesnt deserve this.

heres another thing about my grandma: apparently she gambled so often she oftently went to genting to gamble and the money all came from her kids. yeah. .

(my dads a chef, uncle1 is a mechanic, uncle2 is a part timer with no set jobs, and aunt is unknown.)

then i was born. my mom wasnt a citizen, and had to pay a lot of money to stay in the most expensive hospital word. the rare good thing my grandpa did was to fork out $2000 for her to have me. one day, if i can and he isnt dead yet, i will pay him back. ‘thats your coffin money’ i will say. ‘im not obligated to you anymore please leave my life forever’ i want to say.

looking back at the thick stack of photo albums, things appeared to be all happy and fun. people were smiling in the pictures, and i was showered in love and affection from everyone. it is only recently that i came to learn of the shit my parents went through under them.

i was also a lively and boisterous child who had no concept of day and night, it was almost enough to scare my parents into not having my siblings. nonetheless, my sister came into existence.

picture this: my dad looking all frazzled and tired as he took care of a wild toddler at the hospital without sleeping for 3 days straight, and my mom in labour, waiting to give birth. the nurse asked why wasnt anyone there to help out?

my mom said that was the only time she had ever seen my dad cry. my sister, my mom, and i all teared up as she recounted this.

it was then they swore to move out and not to rely on anyone ever again. the house i am in now is paid entirely by my parents.

my sister was born, and eventually, they moved out before my brother was born.

when they moved out, my grandma shouted at them ‘dont come back! i hope you die!’

at one point, or perhaps distance made the heart grow fonder, my grandparents and uncles started to treat my mom very nicely, realising that they were utterly wrong to judge and treat her that way at the beginning. thats why they treat her so nicely now, my mom explained. it is also the reason why my grandma always brought kuehs and chocolate cake over when she visited, subsequently developing my dislike of chocolate cake and neutrality towards chocolate at best. at this point im pretty sure they all like my mom more than my dad.

my aunt learnt her lesson in the form of receiving discrimination and hatred she once showed to my mom upon being married to a family of university graduates, and her only graduating secondary school. she wasnt as well-educated, and so after sharing my moms pain of being the hated daughter in law she finally learnt empathy and started being nice.

my grandpa too was a convert. he came over everyday to help out with chores and to take care of us. perhaps when we were all young the help was truly needed back then, but then some events made everyone question his motives...

i remember him fetching me from kindergarten every day every time. i wondered why my dad never did, and was happy on the occasions he did. it is only years later that i learnt that my grandpa hogged all those times to fetch us (my siblings and i). he outright refused to let my parents especially my dad to fetch us. on the occasions that my dad came, he threw a tantrum and went home. my dad was visibly upset as he recount this to us. ‘it felt like he was keeping my kids away from me’ he said. he has taken so much from my dad, and now even his kids???? im so upset on his behalf??

it genuinely feels like hes controlling everyone around him.

he is still coming over every single day, and from what i can tell he is incredibly passive aggressive and can never be satisifed with my dad. i dread his arrival.

for example, he refuses to eat anything my dad cooked. my dad, a known chef. once my dad made a noodle dish for dinner, he told my dad oh i cant eat noodles for dinner.

cue him eating the noodles my mom cooked for dinner.

cue him getting noodles for takeaway for dinner.

these days whenever my dad cooks for dinner we just give him money for takeaway.

speaking of leaving that ungrateful old bastard money, he also takes issue with my dad for this somehow. my dad left a note saying that thats his dinner money on the table, and he felt that it was so disrespectful he went to my moms workplace which is near where he lives and complained to her.

meanwhile my mom did the exact same thing and he had zero complaints.

when my dad fell asleep in my brothers room with my brother in it, he walked in and deliberately talked at the top of his lungs about some trivial matter that never came up in the years of living here.

the creepy amount of adoration he shows my mom is also apparent in how he would follow my tired sweaty mom after shes home from work everywhere to talk and yabber on about irrelevant things. she was obviously busy and wanted to be left alone, but hey that POS never cared about what anyone ever thought or wanted if its in conflict to what he wants. sometimes she had to close the door just to get him to leave her alone, and once he just opened the door and continued talking. my dad was enraged, he said he almost went to start a fight with him, and he would especially if my mom was in the midst of changing at the time.

once my dad brought him to the doctor. ‘so what did they say’ he would ask my dad repeatedly over and over again after seeing the doctor. ‘you are fine, and if anything happens the doctor will inform us to go to the hospital’.

he went to complain to my mom at her workplace that my dad was cursing at him to get in the hospital.

once he was nosey and opened up our mailbox, and when he found some letters addressed to my dad he slammed the pile of letters next to him on the sofa. wtf

god, its like no matter what my dad does he will NEVER be happy.

a while ago he lent his children money, and said oh its not lending hes giving them money with no strings attached, no interest at all. my dad took some for renovation, and this info will come into play later.

and so life continues on with his insistence to tidy and clean my house, with zero regards to anyones wishes. if someone so much as point out that he isnt doing something right, he would exaggerate his actions and ask and repeat.

heres the incident that triggered the Revelations:

my grandpa asked my sister if she still wanted a donut while holding it in his entire hand, as in his entire hand was clutched around the donut. visibly disgusted, my sister said no, she didnt want it. in an act of passive aggressiveness, he placed the donut and only the donut directly in the fridge. not on a plate no nothing.

my mom wrote him a note in response: my daughters are having national examinations soon, and my husband has to wake at 5am to go to work, and he doesnt have enough rest. it would be preferable if you do not make as much noise so they can study and rest properly. i am saying this here, it doesnt matter if you help with the chores or not, it is entirely up to you and we will not blame you if you choose to rest and watch tv instead. you will always have a meal and you dont need to worry about anything else. hope you can understand.

in response, he wrote back: i have read all your words, and there is no need to worry. from november, i will no longer be coming over. i want your husband to return me the renovation money. from: dumb dad (thats what he calls himself in notes)

first of fucking all: wow hes not even acknowledging that my dad is his son. second of all, hes using the money to control my parents and guilt them wtf

this incident got kinda big in the sense that my aunt got involved. my aunt, the golden child, called to stage an intervention.

she called my siblings and i privately, without my parents knowledge. she asked me:

‘are you aware that he has hearing issues and cannot tell that hes being loud?’

‘can you cope with his average noise level?’

‘is he actually disturbing you guys?’

of course i am aware. i am used to it. i am not sure why my mom wrote about the noisy part, could be the fact that he refused to let my dad rest. to which i answered:

‘yes i am aware, no he is not that noisy’

and in a nicer way, i told her ‘frankly the issue is his character, that he is a pos shit i cant stand and after knowing what he did to my parents especially my dad i dont want him in my life at all i dont want him to come over anyways’

‘how much would you say that its mostly his fault that there is conflict or is your dad making a big deal out of nothing?’

i bit my tongue and said its my grandpa 95% of the time. there are one or two occasions that i would say my dad is over reacting.

then she went on and on about how she has to balance both perspective and pick the best outcome, and there are two sides etc etc

what fucking two sides i wanted to ask. my parents literally did nothing wrong. he was the hand that clutched at the donut and squished it.

eventually, she yelled at him and to serious disappointment hes coming over again.

a little interlude about my aunt: she complained to my mom afterwards (im surrounded by snitches) that i am not very respectful about my grandpa, that i am lazy and didnt help around the house often (i tidied and cleaned my room frequently, and if my mom ask me to do chores i would. theres an agreement that i should just concentrate on my studies and she will take care of the chores). i stay in my room all the time and didnt come out when my relatives came over. (listen, theres nothing for me. my cousins are ur typical boys that i cant talk to, they hog the xbox and scream about fifa all the time, im not exactly interested in the adults conversations).

my mom defended me, yall. even my aunt has to concede that im a decent person.

and my mom told me she didnt actually agree with the way shes raising my cousins. they were told to never question my aunt and uncle, and their orders are orders. my parents didnt agree, they believed in reason. for everything they tell us to do, there is a legit reason behind it, and we can question them. my mom want us to do well so that she can prove that shes right all along.

my brother recall asking the cousins why my relatives didnt allow them to do certain things and they just shrugged.

well, thats a bet i am willing to participate in.

back to my grandpa.

my parents reasoning is that as compared to taking revenge and stop contacting him, they rather treat him decently no matter what, knowing deep down they has always did their best.

due to the way healthcare works here, my dad shouldered most of the hospital bill and healthcare when his parents were in the hospital. because #asianvalues, they never did thank him or appreciate him.

either my parents or my aunt said they are scared that if we do anything too drastic like refusing him to come here, he will go senile and demented. as he is now he has a clear enough mind to remain a dickbag to my dad.

well, i wasnt exactly close to him, or as close as he deluded himself to think. i wasnt exactly patient with him, in the sense that i kinda have to raise my voice to communicate with him pretty often. heres the complicated relationship between languages: he speaks mostly teochew, and some chinese. we are expected to understand him when he speaks chinese to get across something, but somehow when i speak my perfectly accurate chinese back at him he understands nothing. he will smile stupidly at me, nodding as if he understood.

you fake old man. you understood nothing. i dont want to bother. i am mean for saying this. i hate your pretenses. quit acting like you understand.the conversations between us are fruitless and useless and has zero point. just now, you saying while im eating dinner that ‘you should give me 50 dollars. look at me, i have nothing. ahahahahaha’

i ignored him, as my cold shoulders got colder.

‘your mother did give me $120, i actually have money. what a good girl’

just, what the fuck is he on about. why are you even asking me for money when you have it. this is the exact type of inane pointless conversations you have. i dont even want to dignify that with a response.

he went to my sister, 3 meters away from me, and said the exact same thing.

my sister: [turning her pockets inside out] i have no money

him, repeating what he said , and adding on ‘you are a good girl, your sister is bad, she didnt want to give me money’

what the fuck. hes still talking to us like we are 5. he always treat us like were 5. once i facepalmed and he told me not to do that i will give myself brain damage. i proceed to whack my forehead 4 times, each whack resounding loud and clear.

god, i really dont want to interact with him. theres guilt niggling at me that i shouldnt treat him like this, pretending he doesnt exist as much as possible. then i remember what he did to my dad, and also kinda my mom, and something in me says ‘he doesnt deserve a relationship with his grandchildren for treating his own son like this’.

god, how do i get him to understand that i dont want anything to do with him? that i hate him? i stop calling him ‘grandpa’, only referring to him as that. i dont greet him when he come over anymore.

a few days? weeks? ago he said as he walked out of my room: ‘i still love you the most.’

thats the problem aint it? favouritism. and we all know you favour my brother the most, which i dont mind. i want you to stop doting on me, i want you to pretend i dont exist too. not in the way where you blatantly talk and criticise someone to somebody in front of the person you are criticising.

when is karma ever coming for you?

nothing but you mattered to you, you dipshit. you never cared about how others may feel. you always did things your own way, you treat people whatever the hell you want to.

i visited you in the hospital after the operation on your balls, you were so happy afterwards you gave me a $50. i still wish i hadnt visited, you disgusting person. i wish i can give you the $50 back, but i think, ill keep it. i will treat it as a woeful attempt to ‘reward’ me for my love and affections. i will keep the money knowing that your love is not returned. cruel of me, but so were you.

i dont think there will ever be a resolution. i wont cry at your funeral, i will try not to. i did for my grandma, but that was before i knew the truth.

my mom told me it is undeniable that my relatives all doted and loved me. i want to reject your love. i want the right to not be loved.

#peoplenal #welp that was McDepressing i want out #potential emotional abuse?#god i kinda teared up #im perfectly fine with people not reading this #its genuinely the longest thing ive ever written wtf it clocked at 3.6k words #lmao if i mentioned any of the bitcheatingcrackers things he do my friends be like your grandpa is weird #i had to take breaks to look a pictures of cats #sorry peanut you didnt deserve the tears

9 notes · View notes

amane-yasuchika · 7 years

Text

im tired, im tired and im tired and i’m so alone and fe dup with everything i haven’t elt like being alive for years but never this dangerously since 2013 and that was one hell of a yer. i think this is pretty much the same in so many different aspect. and i’m tired. i wish someone could beat the shit out of me to an inch of my life and then i could look as i feel inside everyday and im so tired what’s the point of living if im this alone always. im worthless and stupid and disguting and i wish i could tear myself apart so i stop being myself so i dont have to live with myself and how much it hurt it hurt and it’s so hard to breathe everyday and it’s so hard to wake up and keep moving and going to work and then return to be a mom and i’m tired. the only reason i’m here it’s not because i’m scared of dying but i’m terrified of my child’s suffering but i’m so tired. i’m so hurt and broken and i bit my nails to the point of bleeding and i couldn’t pretend im not suicidal todaya t work and someone mentioned i looked tired and ilaugehd and i said it wa sbecaus eit’s monday. i’m tired of being myself. of having to be strong and having the one to fix everythign to stay flawless and strong and i jsut want to be taken care of and not feel like im fucking beign swalloed up by a black hole in the inside. not having to pull myself out of panic attaks or having to run until i dont have any breathe left so i cant even scream or cry and then having to come home and clean and im nto allowed to be depressed ever. because life doesnt stop. because i have to wor. becaus ei have to take care of someone. and im so alone and i dont have friends and i try so fuckign hard. and i buy them things because i think that they are gonna stay even if its by interest and they never do because who the fuck woudl want a worthless useless broken bitch to be friend with. im disgusting aim awful i dont even want to be with myself why woudl any other human being want to. but it hurts it hurts it hurts. im sad i dont have anyoen to listen to me to give a a fuck, or if im happy or if im worried and maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to writ ebecause i don’t know what is like to have someone coming to you in the middle of night. sleeping net to somoene that care. waking up to a smile. to someone to love me. there is nos friend help the suicidal one troope with me. if i was to kill myself my kid would be the oen fidning me. my mom would be the one orchesting a fucking funeral for no one becaus enoneone would come and then she would be pissed because i bother her even in death. and i’ve lived with her abuse for 29 years and im so done. i stopped defending myself and if i stay still if i agree to waht she wants without complain is less awful. and thats why im sitll alvie because my kid would go to her and i dont want her too live i did. and still like today when realization sinks whe i read in a story soemone gettign called by a nickname or a endearing name, that noone says my name im gonna dide and my soul is gonna die with me and there will no one to keep memy memory alive because of course, if nodone wants to be with me when alive, who is gonna care when im gone. tried fuckign everything. online counseling, homeopathic shit, actual depression medication, pain to release endorphins. and im equally miserable. and i cant take it anymore. i jsut wanna rest and not wake up anymore. i dont wanna feel like lonelinessis eating me alive as if i was at the stake beign burned alive so slowly and painfully. i wanna be able to breath without chocking i wanna breathe breathe breathe and happy things wont last because i dont have anyone to share them with either. no one is gonant ae car eof me ever. like when i read in ficiton people egttign abd bad bad and people carign and helpign them back up. i dont have that. i wont have that. and im so sure my mind has been so close to jsut fuckign snap and my self be gone forever, i’ve held back becaus ei kne there wa sno one to take care of kid. so when i saw shit people dissasoating im like fuck. is that nice? not being here? fuck i wsih i could aford that. i want to scratch myself until i can get rid of myself. until im not here anymore. until my head it’s not yelling at me how this is not going to change. that hasnt changed for years and it’s not going to get better because this is not a fuckign fiary tell, because this is not normla people tale where there are friend and where there is a fmaily or where ther eis somethign form the protagosnit to feel happy about. wher esomeoen has soemthign to look forward to, where they ahve plans, where they have fun, where they are loved. they enver alone they always egt help. i’m rannting my fucking self intoa fucking web where nosoneby gives a shit about me either jsut to pretend i can be listen to too. i snapped at dad today because i jsut told him i was down and that tlakign with mom ddnt work and he went on and on of how mcuh she hurt him and how mcuh im huritng him by living here and mom is jsut the absolute worst in regualr basis even more so when im weak or when i cant pretend where i cant keep my shiled on and she likes to hurt me for fun and then i have a fucking child i nee dot ake of not worry and then i child friend and im so fucking alone. everyone leaves. my students i loved wont even say hi to me anymore. im worthless and stupid and nobody gives a shit about me. one days gets mixed with another and another and another and ive tried so ahrd so so long and im sitll alone alone and i will neve rhave someone by my side, as a aprtner, because who woudl want a fucking sloppy seconds with a child, that is broken beyodn repair and is worthless and stuid and tasteless and boring and lame. nobody. nobody. nobody wants to spend time with me, let alone a life. there is no happy endign for me. can we skip forward to the epilogue. more like just closing the tab. nobody cares enough to go throgu the whole story. kiddos’s dad, my mo, every single person that didn’t stay. it’s okay. i give up. you won. i wont fight anymore. i wont resist anymore. i wont defed myself anymore. i wont try anymore. i give up. you won.

1 note · View note

yoongivenn · 7 years

Text

Tears

Author: yoongivenn

Pairing: Reader x Yoongi

Genre: Angst | Smut

Word count: 2,323

Summary: You and Yoongi had been fighting a lot in the past two weeks and you’re both exausted. Will your relationship end?

A/N: Okay so I rarely posted my writings here but I wrote this one and my friend encouraged me to post. I don’t know if there will be more, but if the reaction is positive I might consider it. I hope you enjoy! xx.

You and him had been fighting for the past two weeks. Almost everyday there was a fight and It was worning you out. You didnt like this, you didnt like the feeling of being angry at your boyfriend all the time. Yoongi had been too stressed, probably because he was working a lot since the comeback was in only a month. You sighighed as you typed words on your notebook, finishing a paperwork for college, then you heard the key on the door and familiar footsteps coming in.

Yoongi had arrived home.

You didn’t raised your head to meet his eyes and continued to focus on your work. You heard him taking of his coat and his shoes by the hall and then walking to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and poured some water in a glass. You didn’t realise you had stopped typing until the only sound in the room as his of his throat swallowing the gulps of water. He finished the glass and layered it inside the sink, then he walked close to you.

Now you were back at typing and looking at the screen as if he wasnt even there. Maybe ignoring him was the best if you wanted to avoid having another fight.

He sighed loudly as he speaked.

“Please look at me.”

Your fingeres froze mid-word. Yoongi usually didnt plead. You swallowed and looked up to him.

He was wearing black glasses and a turtle black sweater. His hair had been back to black for a while and it always took your breath away to look at him. He looked particularly stunning this night, but then when didnt he?

One of his hands streched further and hoovered over yours, as if he wanteed to touch you , but then he retreated himself.

“We should talk.” He muttered. “Figure things out.”

“Fine.” You said, storming up and throwing the chair away with your explosion. “What do you wanna talk about?”

It wasnt really fair to act this way, but you were tired. You were so tired. And all your patience had worn out after so many discussions. You just wanted to sleep through it all.

“Im tired of fighting.” He said, his voice a tone louder.

“Well so do I, but we don’t seem to be going anywhere.”

“Maybe if you didnt act so childish.” He said in almost a whisper, you almost didnt heard him.

Your eyes widened.

“What? How dare you say that after Tuesday night where I had to pick you up from the bar because you were so drunk you couldnt even walk? How dare you say that when I keep this house functioning and wait for you to come home everynight and then you come and take it all on me, all your stress and worries you just drop it all on me!” You screamed the last part, even though you didnt want to scream tonight.

“You should be there for me!” He yelled. Now it was back to yelling once more.

“But I am Yoongi! I always am, you just dont have to suffocate me like that, it would be nice if for once you listened to my problems instead of only talking about yours.”

“Unbelievable. You always do this. You always make things about you.”

You couldnt contain yourself anymore so you just released a huge ironic laugh.

“Me? I always make things about me? I can’t believe you’re saying this you’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met. You don’t know how to love anyone but yourself!!” You screamed the last part so loud you were afraid the neighboors heard it. Your throat hurt a little because of it. For a moment you felt quite good about what you said, you felt sort of powerful. Until you looked at him.

Yoongi just stared at you. Completely motionless. His whole body was tense but his eyes had softened. He looked straight to you and you finally responded to his gaze.

“What?” His voice was barely audible. “Is that... Is that what you think of me?” He was talking now, not yelling. He sounded hurt.

Then the most unexpected thing happened. Yoongi started to shake. His whole body was shivering, completely out of his control.

“I..I..” He tried to form a word but he stuttered. He started breathing heavily. Your feet seemed to weight a hundred pounds. You couldnt move or do anything, you heard your own heartbeats in your hear as your heart raced.

“I c-cant believe you said that. You meand the world to me Jagiya.... How can you say that?” His voice shaked and then he raised his hand to his eye. You lost your breath and it seemed like your heart stopped beating because there it was in front of you. Yoongi was crying. He cleaned one of his eyes but it didnt matter because both of them were watered.

You didnt know what to do. Your mouth was completely dry and your throat ached. This never happened before, Yoongi never cried. Maybe he did once but it almost never happened you couldnt remember the last time it did. You wanted to beat yourself up for doing this to him. How could you? You were both wrong in those arguments you’ve been having. You needed to stop blaming each other and learn to deal with stuff rationaly and not getting into heated arguments almost everyday.

You felt awful and your insides twisted. Yoongi was just staring blankly at the wall. He was lost. You took a deep breath and took the first steep in his direction. He didnt move or looked at you. You pressed your fists so hard you felt your nails dig into your flesh but you didnt stop. It felt good to hurt, afterall you deserved it for hurting him like you did.

You stepped closer to him.

“Yoongi... I.”

He finally looked at you. Now there was anger in his eyes and that unsettled you.

“Don’t. I get it. You don’t have to say anything else. I’m just gonna go.”

He turned to the door.

“NO!” You yelled. Running to him right away. “Please, please no.”

You turned to him so that he was facing you. You held his sweater as if that would stop him from getting away from you.

He avoided your eyes and sighed. This was going to be so hard.

“I’m sorry.” You pushed his face but he still wouldnt look at you. “Look at me!” you begged and your voice cracked into a sob in the middle of the phrase. This made Yoongi turn his attention to you. Your breath shaked and you tried to compose yourself so that you could talk.

“I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it. I was just trying to hurt you, on purpose. I’ve been so so tired...” You had to stop to catch your breath as words flew from your mouth. You looked deep into his eyes. Into the eyes of the man you loved and you spoke the truth. “You are one of the most loyal, caring and loving people I know. You give more than you think Yoongi. You do it in the small things, like when you order the food I like when I get late from college. Or when you take me on impromptu dates in the middle of the night, to show me a tree you liked, an alley that made a good kissing spot or a peculiar restaurant you found. Or when you ask me to listen to your music, and you get really nervous about it because my opion matters the most to you. Or when you take me to nap with you...” You stopped for a while to smile at the memories and realized your cheek was wet with tears. Your voice was all cracked up but you continued. “God, I love those naps so much. You pull me so close to you I can hear your heart beating and it’s the most calming thing in the world. Or when we have sex and you say “let’s make love” because that’s what it is to you. And you’re always so passionate when you do it, you are completely yourself. Or when you are sleeping and I look at you. I look at your tiny eyes and it makes me wanna cry so hard because I love your eyes. They are so tiny and precious I wanna kiss your eyelids whenever I think about it. You have cute eyelashes and ugh...” You made a weird sound and you noticed a small smile forming in his lips. “I really love your eyes. I love your hands and how they... Oh God I could ramble about all your body parts and why I love them all and I kinda lost the point of what I was saying and...”

Yoongi stopped you by putting a finger in your mouth.

“I’ve heard enough.” He said.

Your stomach turned. You were afraid he was going to leave you. You just stared deeply into his dark eyes. Tears were rolling down his cheeks too. He responded to your gaze a little but then he looked away and laughed.

“Stop looking at me, I know I’m crying and I’m embarrased about it.”

And there it was. The gummy smile.

“Please just let me love you in this fragile second.” You said.

He looked back at you.

“I love your gummy smile. You have the prettiest smile.”

“Oh Jagiya....” He raised his hands and run his tumbs across your cheeks, catching all your tears with it. “I love you.” He stared into your eyes so hard while it said it, it seemed he was seeing your soul. “I’m sorry we’ve been fighting so much and I promisse to stop...”

“No!” You said a little louder than you wanted. Your arms raised up to Yoongi’s neck and you pulled him closer. “Please let’s just not say anything else, I can’t...” You sighed. “I love you Min Yoongi.” Was all that you could say right now.

He started to smile again as he pulled you to a kiss. His tongue was warm against yours and you tasted his salty tears. What started passionate and deep suddenly became desperate. You felt his crotch harden against your leg and the memory of how it felt to have him inside you was enough to turn you on. You slid your hand to his bulge and made a little pression with your fingers. That made Yoongi stop kissing you and pull his head back a little. His lips parted as if he were about to moan but you knew he always tried to hold them back just to torture you. He knew how much you loved to hear his moans. He opened his eyes and stared at you. “I really need to make love to you right now.” he said, making you laugh. You both started to remove your clothes and you both took of your glasses. Yoongi lead you into the couch and he paused to put on a condom so he sat first. You spread your legs as you positioned yourslef on top of him and then you teased his head with the entrance of yours. You could sense that he was about to beg so you waited.

“Jagiya.... Please.”

You just loved hearing him beg. You slowly descended into him, making a little moan escape his lips as he went full inside you, then you started riding. You trusted your hips slowly and Yoongi looked at you lustfully. He cupped your breasts and your nipples hardened at his touch. After a few thrusts Yoongi decided to take control. He pulled you and positioned you laying on the couch with him on top and he started to trust hard on you. In a second you were breathless and then the for the second time in one night Yoongi started crying.

His tears started to fall on you. That completely broke your heart. His eyes were closed and he was still thrusting.

“Yoongi...?” You asked unsure. You were covered in Yoongi’s tears and you felt tears forming in your eyes too because of that.

“It’s ok Jagiya.” He opened his eyes and met your eyes, he pulled your head and kissed you. “Just stay with me okay?” You nodded and brought him close by wrapping your legs in his body. You pulled his head close to yours and whispered in his ear “I love you Yoongi.” He smiled among tears.

He set his hands on the sides of your head and you arched your body to help him thrust. Then he looked at you as if asking a question while one of his hands went to your leg. You nodded lightly and he pulled your leg up to his shoulder, then he went deeper inside you.

You moaned loud.

“Yes.”He said with a low voice full of lust.

You eyed him and saw that his pupils were completely dark. He bit his lip and you almost lost it. He puled your upper body into an abrace and you dug your fingers into his hair and back, leaving small scratch marks on him.

When you came you screamed his name so loud it was like the sky ripped.

He was sweating, his face shinning glouriously on top of you, his nipples hard and his body thrusting a few more times until he too came. In the moment he dug himself on your neck, all his body was on you, your boobs pressed against his chest, while he moaned deeply and raspy into your ear, and you immersed yourself in that sound.

He then raised his head and stared at you. His eyes met yours and you felt butterflys in your stomach, a familiar feeling when it came to him. He kissed you softly while he held you tightly and you knew everything was going to be ok.

#bts #yoongi #suga #min yoongi #min suga #bts suga #smut #fanfiction #fanfic #bts oneshot #reader x yoongi #angst

40 notes · View notes

olive-angel-sweetie · 5 years

Text

10/26/19

god today was horrible ifeel so shitty. my life should be easy but its not and i need to get thesee miniscule problems out of my mind where the taunt me and haunt me foever and ever. I need them to leave. i need to see that they are just small.

Got my period. ugh

Sweetie needed to have a medicated bath today. Giving her a bath is so hard and messy i was dreading it. i woke up and ate and walked and fed the dogs and saw leo. leo kind of made me mad because whenever i ask him about things he just doesnt answer me and doesnt want to tell me and its so hurtful and i feel like hes hiding some thing from me which feels terrible. I just wanted to go to sleep after that and i slept for a long time. I wish i wouldnt just sleep when i had a problem.. i should just get some coffee or something to wake up. im going to take sweetie to petco to get bathed its jsut too much i cant take it here.

Then i woke up the dogs were barking. I walked them. then i got prepared to give sweetie a bath.. my back hurt so fucking bad when i was doing it. she makes it so hard by running away and constantly trying to get out. i put coconut oil on her too and she kept trying to eat it. I love her but taking care of her is so difficult. then i tried to brush her and i saw that a bunch of hair was missing and the skin under was all red and moist and scabby and disgusting! The scabs are just spreading and getting worse.It looked so painful i just started crying i cant believe this. I dont want my dog to suffer i got her to give her a better life and now she is so miserable she would probably be happier with someone else. but i really cant give up. i dont know why this is happening its so scary im worried she going to be completley bald! i dont think it is mange because wouldnt the doctors have told me?I feel so bad for sweetie i jsut want her to be healthy again. and now babo is all itchy and has a scab on his back too. I dont know how to fix both of them this is just all too much! Im going to call the doctor tomorrow and tell them its jsut getting worse please help!!.

i wish i would just work and then come home do chores then go back to work but no i feel like i have to clean everything or it will nag at me all day. i would rather just sleep then not do the chores and go somewhere. so i could have worked today then bathe sweetie but of course i didnt. lazy shit. and there were so many high priced walks to day i couldnt believe it! there were tons and i wanted to take them but i wanted to finish this otherstuff! now i bet that there will be none tomorrow when im looking for some its jsut not fair! i also get worried for some reason that people will stop using wag! if nobody takes the walks! i want to help keep wag alive by taking these late walks. i hope people took them eventually.. i think i should just do some and come how and finsih stuff then do more but for somereason i have to finsih everything all at once. JUST GET OVER IT OMG. Ive been cleaning every single day now because im scared it will get out of control and make me su[per depressed again when the house is a diaster. even leaving one dish uncleaned starts the domino effect and then everything goes to hell. I am cleaning for myself not for leo.. I did the laundry, the dishes, cleaned the shower and the bathroom, walked the dogs again, fed them, got my meds, vacumed, cleaned the floor. im eating some food and then i made a lunch for tomorrow. when i buy some stuff i think i want to buy stuff i cant jsut grab quickly so i dont have to make a lunch all the time which i hate doing. if i get hungry then i can just eat that and then keep going. tomorrow i want to:dogs, eat, grab lunch, do walks, at 11 call doctor, come home at 1 maybe?, walk dogs, lunch, maybe have to go into vet?, do more walks.. i have 91.64 + 176.80 = 268.44. Possibly 160 + 268.44= 428.44 I need at least three hundred more for the rent and electric bill.. i technically have five - eight days left. if i can make $100 everyday for three days.. or $50 for 6 days... $70 for five days. i could get it covered. i jsut need to not be lazy and keep on going. THEN i REALLY need to start saving shit for taxes and gas mileage. i will literally be broke and have NO MONEY AT ALL. Its so hard not to spend money when im alwasy thinking about and seeing shit i wanna buy. i jsut need to fucking stop and i have to fucking save pleeease dont buy shit pleease only if its absoutley necassary and you would die without it. bitch. dear god. might jsut starve for a while. i feel dumb for buying the halloween costume and wasted all that money. i threw away the packaging i really hate returning things.. i dont know why im even gonna go to a party i cant drink and theres probably a cover fee. and i want to save money so icant even get like a coke or soemthing. when im sober i really feel comfortable enough to dance. i jsut hope we wil go trick or treatinjg with filepe and i can steal some of his candy or get some super cheap ones. thats good for me.

vaccines sweetie has gotten:

Rabies, bordetella, parvo, leptospirosis, influenza H3N8, distemper, influenza H3N2

Core vaccines: rabies, distemper, parvo, hepatitus?, kennel cough?,

so she dont need bordetella, leptospirosis, im not sure about the influenza, it says parainfluenza is noncore,

she needs vaccines for hepatits and kennel cough which i thought bordatella was?

so stop getting bordetlla, leptospirosis, the influenza ones, no lyme you fucking bitch

she does need adenovirus-2, and parainfluenza virus? ugh i dont know this is all so confuing and the doctors are just trying to make us spend so much money and then make you feel bad about not getting cause your dogs gona diee if you dont. and i legit have nofucking money to pay if they need me to pay for more meds for wsweetie which probably will becasue shes getting worse. then i really wont have any money for rent. i will probably have to ask mom to help pay and i really dont want to do that. i feel so bad im so helpless i jsut want to do things for myself...

why is everything so stressful i jsut want to stop..

1. take sweetie to petco to get bathed

2. call the doctor at 11. only get core vaccines. ask about babo too. get mom to help if needed

3. drink energy drinks so you can work

4. you dont have to have all the chores done just do them eventually

5. work everyday and save money. dont buy any shit.

im so tired. i want to be with my dog. mh body hurts. what is wrong with me

Leo is so unhappy and angry becasue he hates his job. hes always talking about what he wants to get in the FUTURE. Get a shiny new job with his work permit, then buy a shiny new car and get rid of the shitty one, he wants an eye surgery, he wants to travel he wants to buy a house, he wants a ps4 i cant keep up. its been pretty miserable around here lately becasue leo lost his job and hates this job. he works all day and then when he does get home hes mean and tiredand doesnt want to talk to me. and he hates his car becasue it doesnt heat and theres no radio. i told him to fix it but he doesnt.. we keep saying if we jsut go through this rough patch everything will be better soon! but i have a bad feeling nothing is going to change. its jsut going to shift to a new problem. maybe hell hate his new job and complains about it. maybe he dosnt have enough money yet for the car and the things he wants. then hell say when i get my car and my shoes and my eyes then i will be happy. no you want you will jsut move on to the next thing.Ive realized no matter where i go or work i will always be unhappy becasue the problem is inside me and the way i view the world. we need to appreciate what we have in the present or we will never be happy even if we are rich and have lots of stuff we will still be angry and empty inside. he doesnt get it.

i feel so awkward with leo sometimes i feel so unsure about things.

0 notes

mystic-sky · 7 years

Note

request!!! RFA and maybe V and/or unknown (if ur comfortable writing them!) reacting to the MC breaking up with them because she fell in love with another RFA member? Like, for example, MC breaking up with Zen because she's in love with Jumin 🙊 kinda weird request but I haven't seen a request like this before, so...

this one kills me because i love all of them but i want them all at the same time but i dont wanna hurt them ughhh my emotions are all over but i had fun writing this

I hope you like it :)

Yoosung

For him it was Zen

Zen had been sweet talking you for a while now

Always making fun of you for going for such a gamer head like Yoosung

“If it were me, I’d spoil you with attention, MC. Nothing would come in between us.” He said to you once, over the phone.

You were venting about Yoosung’s recent lack of interest in you. Zen was always around and he appreciated you more.

You couldn’t contain your feelings anymore. You went to Yoosung’s house and broke the news right at the front door.

“I need to tell you something.” You said, looking at the ground.

“Come in, you haven’t been to my apartment in like-forever.” He cooed, excited to see you.

“No, that’s the thing. I’m not coming in. I need to say this now.” You breathed out. Clinging your bag strap to your chest, you finally look up him.

“I’m breaking up with you. You’ve barely been giving me any attention. I’m sick and tired of asking for it too. I can’t sit around and wait for you to grow up Yoosung. Besides, there’s someone else..” You manage to say.

he’s broken already now

“MC, I’m so sorry. I can be a better man! One that showers you with love and affection!” He’s biting back tears now. You turn on your heel and leave, deciding not to tell him who the ‘someone else’ was.

he’s super depressed after this

lost his first girlfriend

wait why am i crying

Zen

This one is a little more on the soft side.

Believe it or it was Jaehee

It started off so innocently

Movie nights with Jaehee watching Zen’s plays

til one day you realized how much time you’d been spending with her lately

When did she start making my heart pound like this?

You were confused because you’ve never liked a girl before.

Nonetheless, you weren’t even sure if Jaehee would accept your feelings, since you thought she was only interested in men

You couldn’t hold out anymore.

“Zen, we need to talk.” You say, in nothing but your pajamas. He had just came home, and he hung up his coat on the coat rack.

“Of course babe. Let me just hop in the shower.” He says. You waited all day to tell him, you decided to wait a little more.

He came out of the shower, still dripping wet and in nothing but a towel.

It was at this point that you realized you weren’t attracted to him anymore.

im fuCKING HURTING RIGHT NOW

“I’m all ears, babe.” He said , still drying his hair. He bent down to leave a kiss on your forehead but you turned your head away.

I CANT RIGHT NOW

“Did…Did I do something?” He was hurt now.

“Zen I can’t keep going with this relationship. I don’t feel like I’m..like I’m myself.” You say.

“What do you mean?” He said, sitting beside you on the bed.

he’s so concerned

“I’m… I’m in love with someone else… She doesn’t even know how I feel and I don’t think I can tell her.”

His self esteem right now plummets to the ground.

“She…?” He asks.

“Jaehee..” You breathe out, quite embarrassed.

“Oh…OH.”

“Yeah..”

“Just tell her then. You shouldn’t keep something like that to yourself. The heart wants what it wants.” He half smiles.

he’s hurt af

but supportive

he eventually helps you confess

Jaehee

With her it was Yoosung

No one expected this

Not even you

Until one day Yoosung confessed to you

At first you didn’t think much of it. Simply told him you didn’t feel the same way

He was hurt but he got over it

or so he thought

One day Jaehee was working a late shift with Jumin

Yoosung invited you out with him and a couple of his friends

they thought you and him were a couple

but you explained you didn’t roll that way

you guys were at the movies and Yoosung sat beside you

his hand brushed over yours on the arm rest and then laid above it

he didn’t move his hand

you didn’t mind since you knew he liked you

you let him have this

after the movies he and everyone else parted ways

you guys were walking the same way

“Oh..MC.. I forgot you walk this way too haha..” He blushed.

“Yeah, haha.” You say.

He walked you all the way home

“I had a great time tonight.” He said, nervously.

“Yeah me too-

He kisses you

*sparkles and butterflies*

uh wait what you liked it??

“Why did you do that?!” You say, all flustered, covering your mouth.

“I don’t know-I’m sorry!”

poor boy ran for the hills

You didn’t speak a word of this to Jaehee.

he texted you a couple days later “Sorry about the kiss, MC. I guess i still have feelings for you..”

“No..it’s.. I liked it.” You texted back.

things got off from there

you told Jaehee about it

that he kissed you and you sort of enjoyed it

“For some reason, I liked it. And whenever I kiss you now… it doesn’t feel the same anymore.. maybe I-I have feelings for him?” You tell her.

my hEART

she’s pretty understanding but mad that you waited to tell her

“I don’t think we should be together either… since you’re second guessing being with me now.”

shes hurt

im SORRY BAEHEE

Jumin

He knew if anyone would take his girl it’d be V.

He was actually just waiting for you to admit you had feelings for him.

He could tell from the chemistry you had with him.

You don’t smile at me like that anymore.

DADDY IM SORRY

You both hung out a lot when he was working

he was sick of the lies

everyday you came home and seemed less interested in him.

You knew he deserved better. You fell in love with his best friend. What else could you say to him that he didn’t already know?

You came home especially late one evening and he was sitting there, waiting for you.

“Did you have fun with him?” He practically spat.

You couldn’t say anything to him but the truth now.

“Jumin… I’m..sorry..I never expected for it to happen but it did.”

“Did you just expect for me not to find out? This is the fourth time this week you’ve been with him. And me? Well I’ve just been here. Waiting for you to tell me something at least.” He pinched between his eyebrows.

He wasn’t even hurt anymore

just tired

“I love him. I can’t change that. I’m so sorry for prolonging this. I could’ve just told you the truth but my heart..I didn’t want to deal with the heartache… of whatever we had.”

“I also didn’t want to ruin your friendship with him.” You were crying now.

“But I love him. I can’t be with you anymore.” You say, leaving his place.

Jumin’s a mess now, he’s holding back tears and frustration

daddy i didnt mean to im sorry

707

he couldn’t believe ears when he heard it was Jumin

The busy hacker knew he worked a lot but he didn’t think you’d leave him for it.

“Jumin’s just as busy as you. He makes time for me and he’s always working.” You say to him.

“We have different jobs, sympathize with me here, MC.” He says to you.

It all started when Jumin invited you over in the chat room.

“Well.. you know MC.. if you’re feeling lonely, I have no problem providing company for you.”

“Thanks, but I shouldn’t.” You were a little on edge but at the same time Seven had been working so much he was barely in the chat room.

“Positive? Not even for dinner?”

“I guess I could use something to eat.”

That was your first mistake.

He was far more caring the Seven, never afraid to show you his romantic side.

He sweet talked you into a kiss and so much more.

You told him you couldn’t continue to sneak around like this without breaking things off with Seven first.

“I’m leaving you. All I asked for was a little effort and you couldn’t even give me that.” You said to Seven, before heading out the door.

He was crying

“I can be better.. I want to be better…” He sobbed, but you didn’t hear a thing.

dont cry bby I LOVE YOU

well he definitely didn’t SEE this coming

I’ll go home

It was complicated when you told him you had feelings for Jumin

He still had feelings for Rika

You couldn’t deal with all the emotional stress that came along with him and his whole situation with her

“I can’t Jihyun. How can you kiss me and still think of her.” You say, hurt inside.

v route spoiler maybe?

“It’s not like I want to…I’d loved her so much..I gave her everything. I gave her everything thinking she’d do the same. I can’t get over that..” He said.

“I’m not in the wrong either..” You admit. “I’ve been seeing Jumin.”

“What?”

his small little aching heart

he can’t right now

how will he ever love again

“He…He doesn’t compare me to her..He loves me for me. I thought you’d do that but I guess I was wrong.” You say, tears spilling from your eyes. You turned on your heel to leave.

Why does my heart hurt?

“MC.. I’m trying to learn… learn to love you..for you. Does that not mean anything to you?”

“It’s not enough.”

im sobbing

Unknown (Saeran)

He was already on edge about loving someone period

So when you told him that you were in love with Saeyoung, it broke him.

“Why..Why am I never good enough?” His gaze dropped to the floor.

“Saeran..”

“Shut up! You liar!” He spat. “You said forever.. just like everyone else..”

You didn’t know what to say.

“How long..?” He asked. “How long have you felt this way?”

“Since before I met you.. I think he’s always had my heart. But he insisted that he wasn’t good for me. My heart couldn’t just stop loving him.. and then you came along and-

“You felt sorry for me?” He laughed. “Sorry enough that you pitied me. You don’t give a shit about me..I don’t know why I thought you did.” He ran his hands through his hair.

i do care about you bby im sorry

He was sobbing and laughing all together.

“I can’t keep pretending to love you. I’m so sorry.” You say, leaving the room because you were on the verge on tears yourself.

im already crying

#mysme #mystic messenger #v route #mysme 707 #mysme jumin #jaehee #saeyoung choi #saeran choi #unknown #mysme zen #yoosung Kim #im crying

108 notes · View notes