#i am back to being deeply unwell about them
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i thought i'd finish off my nov 5th celebrations with a rewatch of The night we met destiel amv by sobredenatural and that. was a mistake
#nov 5th#i am back to being deeply unwell about them#full lovesickness#head in my hands ready to sob on my couch#we could've had it all#and now we will never know peace#take me back......#destiel#spn
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feeling absolutely unwell about how wendy’s love language is acts of service and cat’s love language is physical touch and how wendy is always making physical contact with cat and cat is always taking care of wendy and
#screaming into the void#I’VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH THESE TWO SINCE HIGH SCHOOL#I’VE KNOWN THEM LONGER THAN ANYONE OUTSIDE MY FAMILY#AND I AM STILL SO VERY DEEPLY UNWELL ABOUT THEM!!!!#universe: witchhunters#imagine casually and easily loving someone for 15 years in the way they best understand and being surprised to find they love you back#idiots
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also worth saying that this is driving me to writing thg fanfic bc I'm genuinely pissed off, but my favourite way of engaging with thg isn't even with canon characters at this point. it's through thinking about two ocs I've had for years that I mentally refer to as "toxic fishermen yuri", and I'm incapable of writing extensively abt anything related to thg that doesn't involve them lol
#toxic fishermen yuri is like:#what if we were childhood friends who grew up together in our working class neighbourhood and knew each other in a way no one else ever wil#but you were being indoctrinated into thinking that our evil fascist government and their child murder competition were actually cool#and that you should totally volunteer for them one day. and even though I unlike you am immune to propaganda I can't abandon you#I'll never abandon you. you're the only person who has ever truly known me and I'm the only person who has ever really known you#so even after you volunteer and I watch you become twisted into something I KNOW you're not and you come back as ghost of your former self#with blood on your hands and a dead look in your eyes I'm still here. I'll always be here. I promise.#even when I become more and more deeply involved in a plot against our government and you become more and more entertwined with it#and I watch you be used and abused by it even as you claim you owe everything to them. and so many ppl I know claim you're a collaborator#a capitol loyalist and a traitor I know you're not. I know you. you had good intentions and did what you thought was right#I know you're just scared. I know you just want to protect people and you're just trapped in a web of you're own making#and given the opportunity? I know you'd take a way out. I know you'd do the right thing. I dont care what you or anyone else thinks.#I'm still here. I can't abandon you even if I wanted to. and I know you won't abandon me#and also we were both girls#anyway. they make me unwell </3 I love toxic homoerotic friendships. I literally can't talk about them or I just. do what you see above#I go completely insane and I know literally no one else will care lol#op
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out of curiosity, what are the common qEtoiles mischaracterizations, and the accurate characterizations you wished people used more? Sincerely, an English speaking fan who is re-learning French!
honestly i kind of consider it a mischaracterization when people like... make etoiles into this team leader who always knows what to do and move things forward. or like that he has a bad attitude to like... match his fighting skills. or like the dark knight brooding warrior. he says he is these things. these are lies. he lies about himself constantly. i wouldnt trust a good 2/3 of the things he says about himself to be true. you read him clearer through his actions than his statements.
in my opinion etoiles is more like. sturdy second in command. he's not there to lead, he's there to fill in the holes where they pop up. he's there as cover. he's quick witted in shortchange scenarios, but that is so not the same thing as a genuine strategist. in another expression, if someone is a leader, the leader is a doctor, etoiles's role is more like... the EMS team in an ambulance. He's not there to fix your problem, he's there to keep your problem covered until you can get someone else to fully fix it. but that doesn't mean his role is any less important when he's needed.
Etoiles is also, like, so very much a team player if he respects and trusts a person. And it is so easy to have his respect and trust. His trust starts at 100% for everyone. he's also so very very very good at reading people (gesture to the bbh clip where bbh moves his mouse slightly downward and etoiles calls him out on being depressed). He read Mousey as enjoying dungeons and pvp way more and wanting to hang out with her. He's also one of the only people who like continuously runs in the girlies group and makes all of them pvp with him and they all love it so he keeps coming back to pvp with them. Thats how he started his whole thing with Tina and pvping with her constantly. Reading other people also, he loves finding other pvpers so he attacks roier constantly now bc he knows roier can pvp.
What else OH Etoiles loves whining (and this is because Rayou loves whining) that dude will just complain constantly. You haven't seen an etoiles stream if youve never seen him whine. Can't say I'm not kind of endeared by it. With this too he loves over explaining things (RIP armor powerpoint wish you couldve been given...) because he wants to help everyone....
OH and he's very over exaggerated too in replying to people in a complaining way and a self deprecating way and also likes to try to push the envelope with people and he does all of that to try and get a laugh out of others. like he's well aware people find him going "Oh so you don't give a shit about me and want me to die ? you want etoiles to die ?" fucking hilarious and also loves complaining in the first place thats why he does that. if your etoiles isn't complaining and whining then it isn't etoiles. the self deprecating thing is... its interesting bc he does have full faith in his abilities but will never say it out loud unless its trying to reassure someone who is worried. pushing the envelope is so specific he won't do it too much and its like........... from what ive seen (correct me if im wrong) heavily directed at non francophones where if they laugh at something wack he's done he'll try to do it again to make them laugh more. shoutout to the time he made bbh laugh so much when he cursed he didn't get languaged by bbh so he kept cursing to try to make bbh do it again. the dudes a total people pleaser.
smaller thing ive talked about extensively already (u can prob find it in my q!etoiles tag if i remember i'll edit a link to the posts in here soon lol) etoiles hates losing he looooooves winning he's very intense about it lol. its cute!
on a final note even if you don't become deeply unwell about etoiles like i am i think this highlight clip video has like everything he's like condensed into like 11 minutes. You should watch it. It's a good starting point.
youtube
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with regards to why chris is so unexpectedly popular, I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about their appeal to me specifically because they're not at all the kind of love interest I usually go for in interactive fiction, as both a character with a preexisting relationship with the MC and a "normal person" who doesn't have a personal stake in the main plot.
It mainly comes down to two things: the built in drama and catharsis of the scenario - in act one, the sense of being SO WRONGED and MISUNDERSTOOD, if only they knew what the MC has been going through, they would be so so sorry, etc. To me, it's a strong hook for their romance. Later, they are in a special position as the only LI to have known and loved the MC before they became a vampire, that they fall in love with them again is like. crazy. it drives me crazy. I'm the thing that puppets your dead lover's corpse - can you love me? if I travelled so far from you for so long that i lost myself, my very soul, would you know me? My circumstances have changed, I've had to compromise my ethics, I am dangerous to know, will you permit me to parent your our child? I am not what I was, take me as I am. god. I'm unwell.
number two is the main thing, and it's your wonderful ability to write characters who are both deeply, humanly flawed while remaining sympathetic and, crucially, interesting (Roe is my fave example of this in Blood Moon). IMO a common trap for love interests that have a history with the MC is for them to either be angels or the worst people on earth, in order to justify either the breakup or a desire to get back together. they also tend to lack development in comparison to the rest of the cast. But Chris is so immediately reasonable and intelligent, even though they are not at their best in the wake of the breakup and seen through the MC's biased and hurt POV. this impression only increases as you get to know them, and every conversation and encounter with them is revealing. Their strong boundaries, their love for their child and ability as a parent, the fact that their new partner kinda sucks tbh. they way they hold the mc accountable despite what you might call an imperfect understanding of the situation, lol. The full picture of them is so worthy of respect and affection and honesty.
Anyways. apologies for the love letter <3.
Never apologise for this. I love this. I am obsessed with this. I'm begging for more of this. I love it when people dive deep into my stories and characters. Chris was never meant to be a 'fully fledged' RO, but comments like this might just change that.
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𝓜𝓸𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓞𝓷 12
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader
Summary: Wanda and Y/n have decided to move in together, in Wanda’s house. Though Y/n is sad to say goodbye to her apartment, especially considering who used to live there with her, her friends help her say goodbye. Life goes on, even though bad things happen. And it’s true, bad things do happen. The most important thing is how you deal with them.
Warnings (Entire Series): This series deals with mature topics, including, but not limited to: death, mental health issues, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, grief, trauma, general unwellness, illness (both mental and physical), and a most likely inaccurate portrayal of group therapy (though it’s much better than whatever was going on in TFATWS.) Please mind the warnings below.
Warnings: fluff and the end. If you spot all the references to previous chapters I’ll kiss you on the mouth.
🌻Series Masterlist 🌻
𝐈 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐌𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐎𝐧
You walked down the aisle, your dress making you feel confident in every decision you’ve made thus far.
You felt beautiful as you glanced at the woman you love.
Looking at her made everything worth it. You continued to walk down the aisle as the music played.
The beautiful decorations still managing to catch your eye even though you’d obviously been there when they were picked out. Everything was perfect about this day, down to every second.
You were so excited to go home tonight with your favorite redheaded woman, who was wearing her own fancy dress. She looked beautiful and she smiled at you as you walked.
You hadn’t been to a wedding in a long time, especially one you were participating in.
You considered your role to be pretty damn important, considering where you were and what you were doing.
Even though your shoes were somewhat uncomfortable and didn’t fit exactly right, none of it mattered because you were happy.
As you reached the end of the aisle, you stood next to Bucky as he married the love of his life.
At the reception, you met up with Wanda again. She was wearing a beautiful dress, with a sunflower pendant necklace to match her sunflower earrings.
“They look so happy,” she smiles. “I’m glad.”
“Me too,” you smile warmly. “I’m glad we’re happy. All of us.”
She grinned, looking up at you. “We really are.”
“You look a lot better.” Sharon said as she took a sip of her vanilla latte.
“I feel a lot better.” You took a sip of your own drink. “Thanks. For everything. I don’t think I would’ve made it out if not for your texts every once in a while.”
She rested her hand on top of yours. “I’m glad I sent them. And I’m proud of you for signing up for therapy in the first place.”
“Thanks, Sharon. That means a lot to me. It does.” You smiled.
“I’m sorry. For ghosting you all. It was dumb of me, and I shouldn’t have just ran like that, and I’m sorry I hurt you, and—“ You were cut off by Melina wrapping you in a tight hug.
“We do not care, sweetheart.” She murmured affectionately in your ear. She then pulled away.
“We are just glad to have you back.” Alexei said, clapping his hand on your shoulder in an almost-painful way. You knew it was his way of being deeply emotional.
“I’m only kind of sorry for breaking in.” Yelena said after a moment. “But I am glad to see you again.” She hugged you.
“Yeah. It’s good to see you too.” You felt a sense of pure love fill you.
You’d developed a new routine with Wanda.
You get up. You get ready. You eat breakfast with Wanda. You go to work. You drive home. You make dinner with Wanda and eat together. You end the night by turning on the TV to watch your favorite shows together.
You didn’t need to divide your life into two parts anymore. The world felt whole, you felt whole. Things were okay.
Life was going good.
“Considering this is our last meeting,” Coulson began. “I’d like to talk about something special.”
“Oh, don’t do that, you’ll make me cry.” Clint laughed.
The whole group chuckled.
“Alright, alright.” Coulson grinned slightly. “In one of our earliest meetings, we played the secrets game. If you don’t remember, that’s when I had you all write down a vulnerable thought or secret down on a piece of paper and we read them aloud. I think now’s a good time to claim our papers.” He set out each piece of paper down on the small table in the center of the circle of chairs.
You found yours immediately and picked it up as the rest of the group picked up theirs.
“How about we go in a circle and read them aloud? To see how much we’ve changed as people.” Coulson guided.
When it was your turn, you read your statement out loud. “I wonder if they regret being with me,” you read from the paper. When Coulson asked how you thought you’d changed since writing the words, you smiled gently.
“I’m more sure of myself. And..I have faith in my relationships and connections now.” You explained. Everyone smiled at that.
Then it was Wanda’s turn.
“Everyone I care about gets hurt.” She reads.
You freeze. “That one—I read that one. That was yours?”
She nods, a sheepish grin on her face. “I know I’ve changed a lot since then. I’m not afraid of losing people I love. Well, I mean, of course I am, but I’m never terrified the world will just suddenly end. Not anymore.” She holds your hand as she says it.
You walk out of therapy with your hand tightly held in hers.
Maybe there had been a point to all of it. Just maybe.
“Anyone up to grab lunch?” Tony called out as he was hopping into his car, Bruce getting into the passenger side.
You chuckled and flashed him a thumbs up.
As you and Wanda hopped into the truck, you turned on the radio. As you pulled out of the therapy center, the soft song filled the car.
Then you're left in the dust
Unless I stuck by ya
You're the sunflower
I think your love would be too much
Or you'll be left in the dust
Unless I stuck by ya
You're the sunflower
You're my sunflower.
A/n: hoping I got somebody in the beginning. I have been thinking about that part since ch. 4 lmao.
Anyways I’m gonna start rambling about this series because it means a lot to me. I started this series in the summer (I think??), and I was in a completely different mental state. I love this series and I hope the people who read it do too. I’m glad I got to finish it.
In conclusion, it’s okay to move on. It will take a long time, it won’t be easy, and it’ll be hard. Maybe the things you deal with don’t ever go away, but they can improve.
Love you all. 💕🌻
#moving on#wanda maximoff fic#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maxmoff x y/n#wanda maximoff#wanda x reader#wanda fanfic#wanda x y/n#wanda x you#wanda maximoff fanfiction#wanda maximoff x you
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Sometimes when I’m so very sick like this, I get particularly sentimental, and so now as I spend the evening trying to avoid a trip back to the hospital, I’m thinking about the fleeting but meaningful, deeply impactful moments of queer love and community that have passed through my life over the years, like -
When someone I had just started seeing spent hours researching my illnesses to better understand my experience and to learn how to support me as best they could
When someone I had a rocky relationship with spent the whole day in the ER with me. We couldn’t say much to each other because the wounds were still fresh, but they cared about me, so they took me and then they stayed
When someone laid beside me on the floor for hours because I was so unwell. She had better things to do, but she didn’t want to leave me, and she didn’t want to rush me. So we just laid on the ground, and she told me stories until I felt well enough for her to drive me home
When a very touch-averse person became concerned about how rapidly I was declining when I was 19 and on my own. I was so scared, and they offered me - also pretty touch-averse - physical comfort in a way that gave me a sense of safety I couldn’t find anywhere else
These people were never in my life for long. We didn’t keep in touch, and I have no idea where they are now. But those moments of tenderness meant so much, still touch me so deeply. I wish I could send each one of them a little note to thank them for just being there, with me through the fear and the ache and the loss and the ugliness of it all
So if can’t thank them directly, I’ll just put it out into the world -
Thank you, queer loves
Thank you, queer community
We don’t have to hold each other together, but so often we choose to, and I am so grateful
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“The plan has changed. I’ve hired someone to do what you couldn’t do the first time.”
NONONONONONONONONO GRIAN PLEASE GRIAN NO GRIAN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GRIAN NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONNONONONONONO
THAT TEASER YOU POSTED SOME TIME AGO MAKES THIS SO MUCH WORSE NONONONONONONONONONONONO
He knows what he has to do, what he’s meant to do. It’s the role he’s been cast to play.
Secret life parallels oh lordy lord. i am SO UNWELL. no. NOOOOOOO. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i legitimately dont have any words. the only way i can properly express how im feeling right now is just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
He’s not naive and hopeful like Grian is, or as kind as Mumbo can be. He’s selfish and cruel, and his loyalty is fickle.
this is legitimately one of my favorite parts of scar's character actually. i don't have the brain power to properly analyze this, but something about how honest he is about this is so. augh. this trait is what's ultimately going to be his demise (at least, he thinks so). he'll lose grian and mumbo (possibly through death) because he chooses tubbo over mumbo and grian. he knows and he's not proud of it but it's vital to his survival anyways so he does nothing to fight it.
i dont think i make sense at all and theres a great possibility ive mischaracterized him entirely (it wouldnt be the first time, sadly) but i love it regardless. i love how flawed he is. how flawed they all are. i love how tragic their stories are. grian with his unwavering hope and optimism that gets constantly tested (and possibly crushed at some point) and scar with his insistence to not get close that eventually stabs him in the back and mumbo with his guarded but oh so big heart that he's tentatively given out only to get hurt in some way. please correct me if any of this is wrong, btw, id rather be corrected than live in ignorance of the truth
No amount of rope can pull him out. It’ll snap apart under the weight of his actions, so why try? There’s no real point in it.
this is why you need a grian, scar. sigh.
He needs to stop being Scar and start being the Grim Reaper. He sucks in a breath, throwing Scar away.
oh this is fantastic because scar cares so deeply for them and would do just about anything to protect them, because as much as he tries not to, scar cares and loves. but that's exactly the problem because he cares for and loves tubbo so much he'd do just about anything to protect him, including sacrificing grian and mumbo. but scar couldn't possibly do that when he cares for them so much. so he weaponizes the grim reaper, who doesn't care for anyone or anything besides getting the job done.
im genuinely just rambling here there's zero coherence to be found in any of this
“We figured we should take advantage of the peace while we can,"
wow youre really just pulling out all the stops to make this hurt as much as possible arent you
But even then… surely it wouldn’t take this long to heal.
this is SOOOOO CONCERNING are you KIDDING ME???? MUMBO PLEASEEEEEEEEE YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME MAN😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
“Maybe we can come back tomorrow earlier.”
i have you say you are incredible at setting the mood. having an idea of what's about to happen as a third party, watching it all unfold. grian and mumbo being right there and nearly getting to the truth, but not quite getting it because they trust scar. BECAUSE THEY TRUST SCAR!! grum and jrum being there adding to the innocence of it all and amplifying how unsettling scar's actions are. "maybe we can come back tomorrow" when there's not going to BE a tomorrow for them (assuming scar succeeds). it's so tense. it's so anxiety-inducing. it's such an intense sense of foreboding and it has my heart rate genuinely going up. infinite props to you.
He aims for Mumbo’s shoulder.
might be overthinking this but i hate that this implies the possibility that scar informed this assassin with ways to make the killing easier
He grits his teeth as he pulls another glyph from his pocket. He slams it between his hands, vines wrapping up around his arms.
GRIAN'S GLYPHS LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO!! IT'S EVEN COOLER THAN ID IMAGINED HEHE
“Did you get hit at all?” He does a quick scan of the changeling for any injuries.
you're really making this hurt
“Dad!” the two boys cry, the word not registering to any of them in the moment.
AAAAAAAAAA YOURE GONNA MAKE ME CRY STOP IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Blood splatters on the ground in thick drops, spilling in the grooves of the cobble path.
i havent read ahead and i swear to god if this is grian sacrificing himself for mumbo and he turns around and sees grian's body on the pavement and screams "GRIAN!" and that's what the teaser was and that's how it ends my brain is going to be filled with unspeakable screaming until it gets confirmation that he's okay.
“GRIAN!”
I WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE RIGHT. I WASNT SUPPOSED TO HAVE GUESSED CORRECTLY. I WASNT. THAT WASNT. IM. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
IM. I HAVE NO WORDS. I HAVEN'T A SINGLE COHERENT SENTENCE. I AM JUST. WOW. IM. WHAT. NO. NO?????? NO. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HFGJFHKFHGJFK WELL. HI LMAO
reading through all of this with a big grin because excitement and Also knowing what happens next >:3c I'd apologize about the teaser thing but I am Not sorry WHEEZE
but in regards to the scar stuff, you're 100% right, yeah, along with grian and mumbo. they're all flawed characters just trying to do the right thing with the cards they've been dealt. their best qualities are Easily their greatest weaknesses. and none of them realize it but y'know. that's what being human is all about! :D
aND THE GRIM REAPER YEAHHHH. I talk about it all the time but I genuinely love scar being the grim reaper. weaponizing it in this chapter. he's such an interesting character to both study and write
but !!!! very glad to see that the first bomb of three has landed appropriately! :D
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My little ham is being extremely cuddly tonight and I am very here for it, I was very sad earlier because I can’t remember what Jäger smells like anymore. I find myself smelling Denny often hoping I won’t forget him too. For some reason I’ve been thinking a lot about Jäger’s final moments lately which prompts trying to remember what he smelled like, what he felt like and I just can’t remember, all of those memories are wrapped up and laced with so much sadness and trauma I just can’t separate them. I don’t know what’s bringing these feelings back up lately, maybe because I haven’t been feeling well and have been unhappy because I feel unwell. I need a nice distraction and neither of the guys I’ve been seeing are providing it. Maybe I need a hobby? Writing seems too constricting lately and not fun. I’ve been thinking about crocheting again but a) I have to learn again which no biggie YouTube taught me when my niece was born 15 years ago, it can teach me again, b) I have no clue what to make? I’d make something for Denny but he has so many clothes lol I guess he can always use more? Maybe cute hats like Good Boy Ollie has? Denny deserves all the cute clothes and hats, he’s such a good baby. I don’t deserve him.
In non depressing dog stuff I made some video game resolutions for the year that I’m not sure I’ll accomplish. If you’ve followed me for a very long time you know I also love Soulsborne games, I’ve beaten DS3 and Elden Ring but my resolution is to beat the DLC for DS3, I want to beat Malenia and Placidusax in Elden Ring and finally play Bloodborne. I’ve never played Bloodborne despite absolutely loving it. The problem is I haven’t touched DS3 since I beat it so I can’t remember how to play it and Elden Ring I’m reasonably confident I can beat Placidusax but Malenia woof waterfowl dance am I right? THB I had enough health to tank most of it if I could avoid at least one but it’s her stage two form scarlet rot dive bomb that killed me. Admittedly I’ve only tried Malenia 2 or 3 times, my partner got Let Me Solo Her themselves to beat Malenia for them. I don’t know where to start though, I have to restart them all from the beginning because I’m on PS5 now, I guess I should go in order? So Bloodborne first? I’m so scared though everything is so fast 😭 I’m a big dumb, clunky over level and use the biggest axe in the game type player and I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up. I don’t know if I can do the DLC I don’t know if I can beat Lady Maria or the Orphan of Kos but I guess I’ll try. Wish me luck y’all, I’m not embarking back into Soulsborne until I 100% Season of the Cryomancer though and of course this will have no bearing on my MK lust/content or anything, I don’t really have Soulsborne husbandos/waifus though I guess there’s boy Anri and Vicar Amelia (yes I’m a monster fucker, deal with it) oh oh and my precious stingray boyfriend Lorian, I don’t write for any of them or self ship with any of them so there will still be lots of dumb egg jokes. Don’t worry I’m in no way taking a break from MK I’m just indulging in another franchise I love deeply too, multitasking. So I guess just a heads up that there may be an influx of rage posts about Soulsborne bosses lol Or me professing my endless love for Greirat and Boc lol Will I ever go back to Baldur’s Gate 3?? Who knows! Probably not tbh I don’t like anyone other than Gribbo and Scratch not to mention I’ve seen my partner put just hours into it. I’ve seen the game and maybe I’m just bad at it but it’s just not fun for me which is why I’m going back to Soulsborne games lol I’ll tag my posts with “Soulsborne” if you don’t wanna see my rambling about the games though but like I said I promise I will still be all MK all the time after all it’s my true love ❤️
This has been a pointless Sol rambles, thanks for reading 🩵
#dogs are the best#tw pet loss#we don’t deserve dogs#soulsborne#new year resolutions#gaming#sol rambles
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I just finished reading the new chapter and I am unwell (in a good or a bad way; I don't know either). What I do know, however, is the fact that your story made me feel all sorts of things.
I was sobbing when Doc reunited with her friends. Genuinely, I felt so many emotions at that moment and I couldn't hold back. When I imagine that scenario in my head, it still makes me wanna cry. This chapter ripped into pieces and put me back together all at once.
You're amazing, Jenn, for everything that you do, including this fic. Your writing is amazing and your ability to make me feel so many things is beautiful in a scary way. I'm so happy I came across this work of art of yours — because that's what it is.
Thank you so, so much for taking from your time to write and, not only that, but also share it with us. Thank you, dear <3333
Note: I had my reply all typed out and tumblr decided to be tumblr and erased the entire thing so…I’m grumpy about it.
Naomi, please let me know if it’s officially a good or bad way that it made you feel unwell lol because if it made you bad unwell I need to apologize immediately.
This is me reading the rest of you message. I felt overwhelmed reading it (in a good way) to the point it made me hug the book I was reading. I’m so grateful that my writing is able to make you feel all the emotions I was trying to convoke with every word.
Saying thank you for sending me this and being so lovely and so sweet doesn’t seem enough. I wish I knew a better way to tell you how deeply I love this. Thank you.
I’ll keep writing these stories as long as you want to read them. 🖤
#naomihatake#answered#Chaos in Their Bones review#thank you for always being the absolute sweetest#it is always such a pleasure to talk to you#I hope you had a wonderful day 🖤
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(X) he really likes leaving one unbottoned🥵 it makes me hot and bothered. Like sir do you want me to be in your office while being on your lap leaving marks
I am unwell, but here’s a headcanon to make things worse, enjoy:
Let them Know
There’s something about the idea of him needing you in his office to decompress after a long meeting or race and completely going wild letting all the stress go; filling you up, marking each other.
You grind vigirously on his lap as he traces every inch of your skin with his wet lips, biting down, sucking on your sensitive spots.
Eagerly you undo his shirt and dig your nails down his chest as you slide down between his legs.
With his full length stuffed in your mouth you suck him of, gagging on his girth and he groans deeply at every sensitive stroke of your tongue against shaft.
His hand strategically wraped in your hair controlled the pace of your movement and his moans became more erratic as he thrusted his hips up into you.
Within minutes he exploded in your mouth, the slick white honey covering your inside before you gulp it down and stick your tongue out als proof.
“Good girl- such a good girl for daddy,” he groans out of breath with a husky voice, not caring who hears or notices.
He just wanted you right then and there, and Toto always gets what he wants- Whenever he wants.
But then afterward; having to go out into the world again for media duties and what not, but he deliberately goes out with messed up hair, an unbuttoned shirt and a complete sex-glow around him.
He refused you to let you clean him up properly when you tried tucking in his shirt, “let them know baby, let them know I just got sucked off by the prettiest girl in the paddock.”
Not wanting to hide any of it.
You part ways having planned to meet up later tonight for a proper session, with a bit more time; but then you see him walk by.
Instantly he’s being reminded of what happened just minutes ago in his office because you swing your hair up, exposing a little of the lovebite he left behind in the back of your neck.
You bet the first thing he does is run up to you, grab you by the wrist and he pulls you into one of the private hospitality rooms.. perhaps for another round, or two.
————
TagSquad: @wetforwolff @panic-on-the-disco @black-repunzel99 @babywolff @amylizzy91 @misswolff @amylizzy91 @bekybekybeky @ritajammer21 @laura-naruto-fan1998 @washababe @piceous21 @fede18 @amoregia @jujugrins @hereforthegoodtimesx @nomnomnibblenibble @dr3-fangirl @isentyouanemail @langdonsluxiouslocks @liadamerondjarin @vroom-vroom-bitch @kepaxchillystars @tiredbuthappy @marwin-hitz @kissa-ki @lilozg-123 @mjw3 @purplewis44 @hannelchen @f1msc @shinywrites @the-lazy-leprechaun @witches-of-discovery-a @embersparklz @oliviahoneymoon @lizziesutherland1 @ihavegreycurtains @f1himbos @vettelwrites @totowolffpage @dannyr3 @umhaeva @professorkrasinski @still-i-rise-44 @lsspsunflower @f1thirsttraps @danielricciardhoes @marvel-f1-and-more @totostanxxx @lewisdidthat @whore4toto @tony-stank3 @mysticalnightenthusiast @18mlkysht @lewisthoughts @starlightoctavia @ihavegreycurtains @smoothoperator55 @lilpillow-06 @totostanxxx @18dmlk @totowlff @sunsetwolffs @fxshernoizu @sad-fridge2323
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Sick in Public - part 1 (new version)
I rewrote this story into first person POV for the sake of consistency, but you can still read the original version (third person POV) here if you prefer it!
Kinks: emetophilia, (a little bit of stuffing?)
OCs: Bernie
Summary: Emetophiliac Bernie shares his experience with purposefully vomiting in public.
(Warning: Bernie is a fucking degenerate. And so am I. xD Contains detailed description of nausea and vomit as always.)
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I threw up in public
September 20th 2009 | 21:59 | Bernie | My diary
I had a super exciting experience today. Let me tell you!
I woke up this morning feeling kinda unwell to my stomach. So, naturally, I decided to go shopping. :)
Before today, it had been two years and three months since I was last naturally sick so when I started feeling nauseous, I was very excited to experience natural sickness again! I love making myself throw up by sticking fingers down my throat, but natural vomiting is just so different and exciting!
I concluded this was the perfect opportunity for one thing: public vomiting. I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but I love to make a mess in public and watch the worried and disgusted stares of other people. I kinda like the humiliation of it. So I decided to try to get this to happen. :)
I thought that overeating was gonna make me more sick so I cooked one of my favourite meals - spaghetti with minced meat and vegetables. Normally I can eat a lot of this, but today I didn't have an appetite due to the weird feeling in my stomach. But I wanted to be sick so I served myself a larger portion than usual and forced myself to eat it. I was quite full after that meal, feeling a bit of pressure in my stomach, but I didn’t feel sick yet so I also ate a box of cookies. My stomach was becoming unhappy about being forced to contain so much food. I was starting to feel queasy, but I wasn't close to throwing up yet so I went back to the kitchen and took out an open box of strawberry ice cream from the freezer. It was a one litre box but there were only two thirds left as I had eaten the other third yesterday. I ate all of it, and I started feeling quite sick, maybe because it was so cold. I was shaking from the cold and my stomach started gurgling. This amount of food would have normally been fine for me, but I must have actually been ill because I already started feeling the increased salivation typical for incoming sickness.
That meant I was ready to go out.
I thought about calling my boyfriend so that he could enjoy this too, but he wouldn’t approve of me purposefully making a mess in public, surely he would try to talk me out of it, so I didn't call him.
I put on my less favorite jeans - in case I end up dirtying them - and a brown shirt, picked up my backpack and left for the bus stop. The outside heat worsened my nausea. As I stood at the bus stop, I was breathing deeply to try to stop myself from throwing up too soon.
The bus came and I took a seat close to the middle door, facing a large open space meant for strollers. The heat inside the bus was even worse, and I felt like I was choking on the heavy air. As the bus started moving, my queasiness rapidly increased. Three stops in, and I wasn't sure I was going to make it to the shopping center. I was salivating again and felt tightness in my throat.
When the door opened at the fourth stop, I wondered if I should run out to be sick on the sidewalk instead of the bus. The amount of saliva in my mouth increased and I started to get up from my seat-
The door closed.
I collapsed back in my seat. I desperately clenched my teeth to try to keep my food down for a little longer. “Only two more stops…” I thought. “Maybe I'll be able to make it to the shopping center.” Yet I couldn't help constantly eyeing the door.
Next stop, the door opened. As I stared at the open door, I tried to calm myself, “It's fine, I can keep it down… Only one more stop…” But I kept swallowing a lot of saliva.
As soon as the door closed, I knew I had made a mistake. The taste in my mouth grew bitter and I felt intensely sick. My body was preparing to reject all the contents of my stomach. Right now. I couldn't control it anymore, I couldn't stop it. I took a deep breath and my stomach contracted forcefully, sending a large wave of pinkish vomit on the floor in front of me, staining my jeans and shoes. It was the ice cream. A few people turned to me in shock and hurried to get away from me. But I couldn’t pay them much attention since I immediately doubled over as more food forced its way up my esophagus and out through my mouth. This time it was more brown, I think it was the cookies. I only had time to take in a short breath before my stomach spasmed for the third time. A waterfall of reddish liquid mixed with undigested pieces of spaghetti splashed on the floor and my shoes. I retched again, letting out a small amount of spaghetti, which dribbled onto the existing puddle.
I breathed in and coughed. My throat burned and I felt the acidic taste of vomit on my tongue. My stomach has finally calmed down and pleasant relief washed over me. I sighed and leaned back in my seat, closing my eyes. I enjoyed the blissful after-vomit relief. I was feeling so good! Getting rid of the food that was making me sick felt soooo nice!
I opened my eyes to look down at what I’ve thrown up. I was surprised to find that some spaghetti pieces were several centimeters long. I thought I had chewed more. When the bus took a turn, the pool of sick started flowing in one direction, people dodging out of its way. I looked up at the people. Half of them were staring at me, the other half pretending not to see me, but everyone had a disgusted look on their face. They all thought I was a gross pig! They saw an ugly guy who doesn't even puke into a bag and just pukes on the floor and all over himself. They thought I was so disgusting! The most disgusting person they've ever met! Or maybe they thought I was super ill. Were they worried about me?
When the bus stopped, I picked up my bag and ran outside, leaving a mess on the bus behind me. My clothes were dirty with barf and the people at the bus stop stared at me too. I couldn't help smiling.
I was standing in front of the shopping center but I didn't feel like shopping anymore. Instead I crossed the street to wait for a bus in the opposite direction, and went back home, satisfied.
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I didn't want to make the original sickfic too long, but in reality Bernie’s sickness wasn't over!
>> Part 2
(For the record, this story was not written in 2009. I just tried to make it look like a blog post consistent witht the timeline these OCs live in.)
#Bernie's blog#emetophilia#emeto writing#my kink writing#male emeto#emetophilic character#stuffing#OC: Bernie#vomiting in public
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rebranding.
.
hey, everyone!
gonna have a talk with y'all for a second.
this was something i've been kinda mulling over for a long time, to varying degrees. for around half the year, maybe longer?
at first, i wasn't sure if i wanted to just deactivate from this account and leave it in existence whilst never touching it again, or if i wanted to delete everything altogether and never resurface in this light again.
but after going through some stuff, thinking about things, and wondering what would make me happier, i've made a decision:
this account won't focus on spop anymore, but rather making my own remake for the original 1980s' she-ra. it is likely i will still bring up spop here and there, make comparisons and such, but this won't be an account centered around criticizing the show.
there's a number of reasons that are all personal to me, so, please, don't think i am attacking you if these reasons ring true to any of you to some extent. reasons being:
generally speaking, i've been unwell and have been set back a few steps in terms of recovering.
i personally feel too old to keep this going for longer than i have been ( i started this in october of last year, i believe, so almost a year since i started this account, but i've been making anti content for even longer ).
i don't feel as connected to the characters i defend. i love adora, bow, angella, kyle, etc. but the flaws that is this story have exhausted me. i don't feel quite as attached. rather like they are a memory of my life that i don't want to return to, but appreciate for what it gave me.
this sounds petty ( and it is, but the pettiness wasn't intentional at the beginning ), but i kinda found another show that deeply disappointed and enraged me for a variety of reasons ( might make posts about it sometime ).
and, despite my previous point, i would wanna make content that i know would make me happier in the long term, rather than letting some steam off in the short term, if that makes sense.
so, by the end of this week, i'll basically be a different account. none of the posts will be deleted ( even if i wanted to, i made too many, haha ), but posts that were made to be a series will be discontinued from here on out, and i won't be responding to the spop related messages sent in my inbox.
as for my spop ocs, i most likely will either make content of them very rarely, import them into my she-ra remake, or put them in different universes entirely. haven't decided.
thank you all, so much, for your support and love and for trying your best to help me through some pretty bad times.
i love you guys <3
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i'm the worst at thinking of things to send asks about, so what is your most favorite topic to ramble about? feel free to get into ramble territory rn i am here to listen >:)
Okay, allow me to take the mic real quick--
So. Mike Wheeler. That's what I want to ramble about right now. This boy is on my mind constantly and I'm genuinely terrified for him. But also there's a very real reason I kin him and I'm always being reminded of it because this boy is damaged. So is Will, which is why I kin them both. Anyway- Michael is so damaged for real. Emotionally and mentally damaged. I'm talking this boy has so much trauma and has me crying over him 24/7. The self sabotage? The internalized homophobia? The loyal/protective friend behavior? The little regard for himself? His eating disorder? His s*icidal tendencies all because he cares more about others' safety than his own? Guys. Come on. This boy is so selfless. He does not deserve all the hate he's gotten and I'm sticking to that. So what if he's flawed? It only makes him a more relatable, human, and realistic character. Obviously he cares about (*cough cough* is in love with) Will and would do absolutely anything for him. He came to Lenora trying to be normal and cool, but he dropped the act real quick because he just wanted his friend back tbh.
Will is his best, best friend (and the love of his life) and he cares for him deeply. He never wanted to hurt Will, it just happened because of the fact that he has a problem with accepting himself and self sabotage. He's a struggling 14 year old. What 14 year old do you know that hasn't gone through that? He's angsty and moody and i just want to love on him because he's got middle child syndrome and he's been a bit neglected. Not saying his parents are bad, obviously, just saying that Nancy and Holly were a lot more loved on because they were probably more open to their parents, unlike Mike who was more open to his friends and found himself identifying more with the party. Also, this boy has so much bottled up and I just need it to come out and be addressed in st5 or I will explode. #mike wheeler needs a hug.
Whenever people say Mike's been a jerk/asshole for the past two seasons, well, I can't exactly argue with that, because it's true. But you have to try and wedge your way into Mike's brain past his immediate appearance. He's really just misunderstood. He's dealing with a lot, like any kid his age. He's struggling with finding and accepting himself. He's losing himself in El because it's easy to do. He's trying to identify himself in her and be what he thinks he should be instead of what he actually his. So, in the end, I hope he leaves El and learns to accept and love himself.
Ugh. I'm sorry. I'm unwell. I'm just a broken record at this point but I love Mike Wheeler, he's misunderstood, he needs love. Thank you for your time.
#ask#byler#byler tumblr#mike wheeler#i will rant about him till i die#mikes mental health#hes just misunderstood#i love him im sobbing#stranger things#anti milkvan#thank you for your time
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Echo and Hunter for character bingo?
Oooooh yes
So, Echo:
Echo’s just. He’s so good. He’s just such a remarkably good person despite everything, and he never stops. There’s a lot going on with him just under the surface, and he’s a goldmine if you watch him in the background. As much as it hurt to see him go halfway through the season, I’m glad he and Hunter were able to handle the fact that they wanted different things in a mature way, and it was great to see him back at the end. I do think the writing team could do more with him, hence why I circled “not enough canon,” but I have a general rule of not criticizing a show for not doing something I want to see until that show is completely done, because nine times out of ten they either get to it and/or do something better, or the show goes down the crapper and I stop caring anyway. I almost didn’t circle “most fandom takes are incorrect” because, for the most part, the fandom is pretty good to Echo. He’s a little less deeply flawed than the other guys, and I think there’s a little less flattening of him as a character by the fandom because of it. But I’ll admit, I actually do get a little annoyed at how some of the refrains of, “Give Echo a hand you cowards,” come across. The fact that his old general was Anakin, a guy who has a prosthetic arm and loves to tinker, and that one of his new squad mates is Tech, another tinkerer who almost definitely built Echo’s headpiece to help him with interfacing while scomped in, and that Echo still chose to keep the scomp tells us something about him as a person. AND it’s a very visible on screen physical disability, which is good to see.
Beyond that, there’s an earnestness to Echo under all that grousing, and he wants to help so badly that it hurts. And every moment between him and Omega is GOLD.
I love this guy and I am going to fistfight half the fandom in the nearest parking lot about it. And I get it. I get why people don’t like him. I get why he doesn’t click with everyone, especially right now. They’re picking up on something that is there. I just. I strongly. Disagree. With many of the more negative interpretations. And find them to be based on what fanon says more than anything else.
But Hunter is difficult and deeply flawed, and what the team is doing with him is really idiosyncratic. And he actually doesn’t talk that much, not about his feelings, anyway. He spends the first half of season one making decisions that lead to compounding failures, and as those failures build up, he’s less and less sure of what to do, and by the time we get to season two he’s visibly unwell. He’s so broken by what happened with Crosshair on Kamino that he can’t bring himself to hope that they could ever get him back, and just. Watch the way he’s animated during all those scenes in the Kamino duology. He blames himself. There’s not an easy fix. He wanted it to be the chip—and it was in the beginning, even though Hunter has no way of knowing that—and when it turns out it’s not anymore, that it’s more complicated, that Crosshair has a very real grievance against him and he’s not wrong to feel the way he does, Hunter shuts down. He’s responsible for all of his siblings, not just Crosshair, and being responsible for all of them means he can’t do it all, because getting Crosshair back and keeping everyone else out of the Empire’s hands are at odds. He wants to stop living the mercenary life, but he’s not sure how. They’re fugitives with a very narrow set of skills, and they have to put food on the table somehow. He’ll stick his neck out for people, he’ll help, but he’ll avoid confronting the empire directly if he can. He tries so hard to keep everything together, but it falls apart anyway. He sees what’s happening and how bad it is, but the Empire is the Empire, and it’s no wonder he doesn’t see a point in throwing the people he loves against it; it’d be like throwing pebbles against a wall. He’s not equipped to deal with the situation he’s in. He tries his best, and his best isn’t enough.
And of course that’s not the right conclusion; it’s the smart conclusion, yes, but not the right one. It’s wrong and it’s framed as wrong. And it kills me that Crosshair and Hunter actually come to the same conclusion about the Empire at different moments; you can’t fight them, you can’t win, so you may as well just hide. The only difference is that Crosshair chose to hide inside the empire, until he couldn’t bring himself to do so anymore, while Hunter chose to hide away from it. But Crosshair got there eventually, and Hunter will, too, with time. He’s not the mentor character people seem to want him to be. He’s the protagonist, or the deuteragonist alongside Omega, which means that he’s going to flail around, meaning well but getting it at least a little bit wrong, until close to the end of the show. I need him to be okay. I need all of them to be okay.
#the bad batch#so anyway my heart breaks for both of them#blorbo bingo#thanks for the ask on this!#these were fun
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How do they express love for each other? Do they have compatible love languages? (For louhi!)
Louhi understands love as devotion. It is entirely tied up in her vows as a Nymian Scholar. I have. so many headcanons about how the relationship between SCH/WARs worked in Nym and it is Complex and it is Important, and those vows supersede everything else in life - which is why she has no idea what to do when her marine partner dies - not even in combat, but dragged beneath the sea.
This means that when she falls in love with the rest of her adventuring party (lmao), it is something she has to reconcile with her previous abandoned vows of eternal devotion (there's. there's also a necromancy plot here is the other bit of context LMAO).
More specifically: with Balor, it starts reciprocally - though she wants to get through to him that when she helps him acclimate to the wider world, it's because she *wants* to help and doesn't expect anything in return. There's some confusion, I'd imagine, about what exactly they're doing here and what they mean to each other that could be resolved through clear communication, but that's not a skill either of them have despite the desire to be more open and communicative. Also lots and lots of touch. He's a bit uh. not quite absent-minded but easily distracted and excited and gets into a lot of scrapes as a result so their first point of contact was healing and it just escalates from there.
With Leanashe, there's much more back-and-forth going on. Leanashe is a cynic and caustic and deeply grief-stricken and Louhi connects with him on that level in a way that Balor and Anatu don't. They're keeping an emotional distance while being aggressive with physical contact as a distraction from their sorrows. This changes over time - as they face the inevitable apocalypse, they both reach this place of like, quiet acceptance of their own individual sadness and are just. There for each other. oh god i like. wrote an essay about this at like 7 am i'm unwell-
And with Anatu, it's definitely like, encouragement and praise and verbal admiration - she wants Anatu to be Comfortable and Confident and i keep coming back to this image of Louhi kissing her knuckles as Anatu is Going Through It. Attentive. Devoted.
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