#hyper super lover
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the eighth sense is a very well produced show and they’re doing great w the lead’s relationship but smthing abt the way they wrote eunji’s character is so off putting 😭 like why are they writing her so 2 dimensional and villainizing her so bad 😭😭
#didn’t even let us hear her side of the story but they’re making her out to be a terrible person#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk#i feel like a lot of times i’m super hyper critical of bls now because misogyny is often very blatant and as a woman lover i just don’t#get it 😭
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I saw requests open and was maybe kinda sorta wondering if I could request Malleus, Lilia, Leona, Vil and Kalim with a reaaaaaally cynical s/o 👉🏼👈🏼 you don't have to if you don't wanna man this is so embarrassing
A/N: congrats! This is the first request I've done after my concussion! 😂 the fact that I made it exactly halfway through the event.... Anyways, hopefully this is what you're looking for
3k followers masterlist
He's like you sometimes. Every time there's an event he doesn't get invited to, he always feels like he knew it was coming.
But then you came into his life, and the world seemed a little bit brighter! Someone cares about him! Someone loves him!
He doesn't really understand why he doesn't have the same effect on you. He might even pout about it to Lilia, and Lilia will explain to him that all people are different. You know he loves you, even if it doesn't make you less cynical. You wouldn't be "wasting your time" otherwise.
As wise as he is in Malleus' section….the man has loved a long life, and wants you to see the upside of things from time to time.
If he has to do that through delightful pranks and hijinks, then so be it. If he has to drag you all over town, he will. If he has to dedicate a song to you at the music club, and then say "this one's for you, babe" before smashing his guitar while Cater and Kalim try to stop him, then it's gonna happen.
Eventually even the most cynical of people is going to start to see things a little bit from Lilia's point of view. Just be prepared, every time you let a smile or optimistic thought loose, he's going to pinch your sides, and kiss the tip of your nose, and laugh with glee. There is no escape.
Ha ha, same.
He feels so vindicated that his lover is just as dead inside cynical as he is. Now he has someone on his side. Someone to back him up. He can just sit back and watch as you explain to his sunshiney brother why his idea is stupid.
The only time he'll be bothered is if you ever say something like, "the odds of us staying together forever are really low." How. Dare. You. You are his perfect match, his mate. You'll be together forever, or so help him, he'll flop on top of you and never let you move again.
You're a lot like him. A realist. He likes to stand in front of Epel with you, both of your arms crossed like angry parents. It makes him feel powerful.
That said, sometimes you are cynical about a new look he has to model, and it's not fun when it happens to him.
Those are the only fights you two have in the relationship. About looks he is modeling. Which is really amusing to everyone on the outside, but not so amusing to Vil.
This is the man who lived with Jamil his whole life and never once thought, "hey, this guy is very angry all the time". He doesn't even notice your cynicism.
People try to point it out, and he releases that pretty laugh of his, and says, "haha, Y/N's just like that. Are they so silly?"
Boy is snuggly like an affectionate cat, and anything not super positive goes in one ear out the other. He means well, but being the hyper optimist he is, he only sees you surrounded by glitter and flowers and sunshine.
#3k followers#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#malleus draconia x reader#malleus x reader#malleus draconia#lilia vanrouge x reader#lilia vanrouge#lilia x reader#leona kingscholar x reader#leona x reader#leona kingscholar#vil schoenheit x reader#vil x reader#vil schoenheit#kalim al asim x reader#kalim x reader#kalim al asim
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based on that quiet reader x soap drabble you've written before I'd like to request something!! reader and soap being out with some of his friends who get too mean and insult Johnny because of how hyper and talkative he is:( and reader pushing away her timid and shy personally for the first time to defend him!! johnny being so so grateful, he really is! but the thought of his little angel going out of her comfort zone for him gets him so.fucking.hard. so he repays her at home if you catch my drift hehe
PLEASE!! YESYYEYSJSKSIDJ
sorry it’s short dyed my hair today and i’m tired
you’re out at a pub with johnny n’ his pals— sitting snuggled up against your lover in the crowded booth—face buried in his shoulder as you listened to the heated conversation continue, johnny yapping away like an excited chihuahua, he can’t help it!!
you’re so zoned out—but when you hear a vivid, ‘shut the fuck up, soap, you’re so loud.’ you’re snapping your head up and looking at johnny, watching his brows furrow before pausing his speech; your lips parting with soft trembles.
‘..shut up, he can talk if he wants to talk..!’
‘whatever.’
gets super awkward after that, none of his mates talk to you for the rest of the night, n’ you just feel like you’ve ruined it by speaking up :(( you should’ve just kept ur head down—let johnny defend himself, you’re always messing up—
‘y’alright, doll?’
‘yeken, thas’ brave what ye’ did back er’, specially’comin from ye’.
‘..you think?’
‘course, my wee lass standin’fer me? nothin’ braver, and hotter.’
that’s how you ended up with your cunt choking the man, crying out into your palm softly as you rode his face, listening to the lewd slurping sounds coming from beneath you, muffled by your pussy pressed against his tongue, his thick fingers digging into your hips!!
‘oh—johnny, ohmy—i need to get off..!’
‘dinnae’ do that, stay fer’me, toots.’
‘fuckin’ tasty, aye?’
he groaned into your folds, tongue lapping at the arousal forming, circling your clit like a precious pearl to be worshipped and protected; pressing it flat against the button before slowly moving it in languid movements.
‘ghaah—oh-oh, keep doing that, johnny..!’
‘that’s it.. spellin’ mae’ name on my girl, can hear her begging for more.’
his rough stubble rubbed against the insides of your thighs, tickling your cunny—the hair becoming wet with your excitement, whispering into your lower half.
doesn’t stop till ur gasping for air :3
#cod soap#soap mactavish#soap call of duty#soap cod#soap mactavish x reader#johnny mactavish#soap johnny mactavish smut#johnny mactavish headcanons#johnny soap mctavish x reader#johnny mctavish x reader#soap mactavish fluff#johnny soap mactavish x reader#johnny soap mactavish#soap mactavish x you#soap mactavish smut
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calling stray kids a pet name for the first time
⇀ genre fluff
⇀ style bulleted headcanons
⇀ warnings lots of pet names, hugging and kissing (felix), food mentions (lee know, i.n), all of the boys are simps for you
bang chan
honestly chan had used terms of endearment with you before you started dating, that had been part of his shy flirting to let you know he was interested in you, but he made sure you never felt pressured to do the same with him even after you became official
so it’s not to say he wasn’t excited for when you would first call him a cute name but he made it clear to you that he was fine if you didn’t want to refer to him by anything but his name
you tried to make it really casual when you called him baby for the first time, partly to reassure him that you weren’t uncomfortable calling him the sweet term, but chan couldn’t hold in his endeared giggles
he tries to hide his flushed face behind his hands as he breaks out in a dimpled smile but you feel the happiness radiating off of him and your own face flushes to match
his favorite terms of endearment to hear are classic if a little cliché: baby and babe with the occasional baby boy thrown in if you want to make him absolutely melt
lee know
to be honest you probably started using pet names for minho before he did for you, he’s just not the type of person to be super vocal with his affection, he prefers to show you his love through actions and so terms of endearment weren’t something that were at the forefront of his mind
this doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like using them or being called them, he just didn’t think about it until suddenly it was all he thought about
after you so calmly called him my love for the first time while helping him out in the kitchen he’s obsessed with all of the cheesy names you can call each other, of course he’ll still pretend like he hates it when you’re showering him with verbal affection but the red tint to his ears and neck will let you know otherwise
his favorite terms of endearment to hear are slightly possessive but impossibly sweet: my love, my heart, and lover but just toss my in front of anything and he’ll be putty in your hands
changbin
like most of your relationship, using pet names came easy with little stress about timing or worry about what would be right, calling each other sweet nicknames was just natural
so natural in fact that you both used them at the moment you confessed, punctuating your sweet words to each other with lighthearted labels that comfortably expressed your fondness for one another
you’ll never forget the way his face brightened as you called him bubs for the first time, his smile mirroring your own and the faintest blush tinting his cheeks
his favorite term of endearment to hear is simple but remarkably cute: bubs, although he’ll never admit how much he enjoys when you jokingly call him my hero anytime he gets to show off his strength
hyunjin
hyunjin adopted the habit of using pet names almost immediately into your relationship, partly as a way to fluster you but mostly to express how serious he is about his feelings for you
so while he’s fully aware that expecting you to instantly follow his lead might be unreasonable, he’s not afraid to have an earnest conversation about how important this aspect of your relationship is to him, although he allows you to participate in this form of affection on your own time
so a little while later, when you casually refer to him as darling while asking about your misplaced keys, he’s left a hyunjin shaped puddle on the floor as he dissolves into an emotional mess
his favorite terms of endearment to hear carry just enough dramatic flair without straying too far from classics: darling and honey but he’s certainly not opposed to the cheesy way you’ll call him good-looking when you’re in a particularly flirty mood
han
han is hyper aware of your comfort when it comes to your relationship, leading to his hesitation to initiate any nicknames or verbal affection of the sort, he is the type that would rather anticipate that relationship milestone in silence than express his want for any cute names
you’re quick to spot his hesitation as he calls your name and you easily see how he sometimes pauses at the end of sentences, seemingly wanting to punctuate his thoughts but not allowing himself to, leading to you sitting him down to ask what’s wrong
he’s reluctant to express his concern but once he opens up you’re quick to comfort him and you comfortably call him bug for the first time, which he instantly responds to with a bright smile and pink cheeks
his favorite terms of endearment to hear are a little silly but all the more unique: bug, my baby, squish, and cutie but there’s a special adoring look he gets in his eye when you excitedly call him dude or bro before you’re telling him about your latest obsession
felix
pet names are an important part of a relationship for felix and he made that clear when you’d asked him why he’d given you about a million nicknames only a month into your relationship, he’s the type of lover that likes to express his emotions in as many ways as possible and terms of endearment was just one of those
of course he encouraged you to tell him if the quantity of nicknames had you overwhelmed or if there were any you didn’t like but he also gently nudged you to return the gesture, practically bouncing at the anticipation for the labels you might give him
so when you uttered a hesitant sweetheart late one night as you tried to pull his attention away from his computer he was absolutely vibrating before he tackled you in the most delightful embrace, peppering kisses all over your warm face
his favorite terms of endearment to hear are as sweet as his baking and as bright as his smile: sweetheart, sunshine, babie, angel, and sugar to name a few, but you’ll probably catch him blushing the darkest after you call him freckles
seungmin
you’re not sure you would qualify any of the nicknames seungmin gave you at the start of your relationship as terms of endearment until you mentioned the lack of affectionate names between you two one day
he tried to defend his choice of monikers for you before asking you for examples if you thought you were such the expert at pet names
you were quick to call him love and watch his teasing attitude shatter, replaced by a flustered appearance as he avoided your stare and tried to hide his slowly reddening cheeks, although he couldn’t fight off the smile growing on his features
his favorite term of endearment to hear is simple but true: love, although he’s hesitant to admit that he’s felt butterflies in his stomach on the occasions you’ve jokingly called him loverboy
i.n
honestly jeongin has never been one to focus on pet names and he made it clear he didn’t find them to be a make or break for your relationship, he’s just the type of lover to keep things like nicknames and vocal affection private, partly to avoid being teased into oblivion
this mentality led to a late night conversation between you two over changbin’s leftover takeout and a few of felix’s baked goods when you jokingly called him cookie for the first time, you were severely underprepared for the deep blush that took over his face and the way he tried to hide behind his arms as you cooed at him
after seeing his reaction to your sweet words you’re satisfied keeping any affectionate names private, selfishly wanting to be the only one that got to experience him visibly soften at your admiration
his favorite terms of endearment to hear are unique to your relationship if a slight bit embarrassing: cookie, charmer, and crush, however the type of mushy he gets when you call him foxy is unmatched
↼ stray kids masterlist
note i hope you enjoyed this little thing. there will be a part 2 about them calling you a pet name for the first time coming soon
#stray kids x reader#bang chan x reader#bang chan x you#lee know x you#lee know x reader#stray kids headcanons#bang chan headcanons#lee know headcanons#fluff#stray kids fluff#changbin x reader#changbin x you#changbin headcanons#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin x you#hyunjin headcanons#han x reader#han x you#han headcanons#felix x you#felix x reader#felix headcanons#seungmin x reader#seungmin x you#seungmin headcanons#i.n x reader#i.n x you#jeongin x you#jeongin x reader#jeongin headcanons
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Chaos Crew MASTERLIST
(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥
ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ꜰᴏʀ: ᴀʀᴛʜᴜʀᴛᴠ, ɢᴇᴏʀɢᴇ ᴄʟᴀʀᴋᴇʏ, ᴀʀᴛʜᴜʀ ʜɪʟʟ, ᴄʜʀɪꜱᴍᴅ, ᴀʟᴇx ᴇʟᴍꜱʟɪᴇ, ᴄᴀᴍ ᴋɪʀᴋʜᴀᴍ, ᴀɴᴅ ɪᴛᴀʟɪᴀɴʙᴀᴄʜ!
☁️= fluff, 🔞= smut, 💢 = angst
REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!! Send litr anything in thru the inbox n i'll write it (or not)... No promises it'll be done any time soon tho :DD
Arthur ATV Frederick
☁️"Pub golf forfeit" - Chippo catches wind of your little YouTube crush on ArthurTV and decides to put you in a team with him to try and set you up- but when Harry, Chris and the rest of the boys do their best to embarrass you in front of your crush, how will the night really end as you fight the cameras, pints and awful pub gold forfeit cards... | ChrisMD half-sister!OC x ATV
💢☁️"Caught" - Months of sneaking around behind your brother's back with his best friend gets exposed as you and Arthur get a bit too careless and get yourselves CAUGHT...
🔞"Submissive" - pwp (porn w/out plot), desperate, whiny, sub!Arthur x dom!reader
☁️Head Scritches" - Short 800 word blurb of Arthur just kinda realising that he likes the feeling of your hands between his hair a lot.
🔞"Locked In" - Xtra long 7.3k word smutshot set in S3 locked in house. Y/n is set the strenuous task of ignoring Arthur all day by Sugarlips - yet when Arthur realises this, he does everything in his power to break her... Will you successfully pass your challenge or succumb to Arthur's antics?
🔞"Eating Out HC's" - headcanons of what the Chaos crew would be like giving head
☁️"Return from Sri Lanka" -inspired by Chip's Sri Lanka vids w ATV, a hyper-fluff oneshot of what it's like for gf!reader, seeing Arthur after a whole week of being apart
"Harry Potter x Chaos Crew HC's" - what these goofies would be like in a Harry Potter/Hogwarts Alternate Universe ✨
Chris Chrismd Dixon
🔞"ChrisMD NSFW alphabet"
🔞"Threesome" - W2s x reader x ChrisMD in a post-pub drunken mess of horny brains and hard cocks
🔞"Eating Out HC's" - headcanons of what the Chaos crew would be like giving head
🔞"Piercings" - in which gf!reader gets nipple piercings as a surprise for Chris, which leaves Chris battling his inner demons and resisting all urges to pull or touch those sensitive buds to see you scream whilst he pounds you | part of [KINKTOBER]
"Harry Potter x Chaos Crew HC's" - what these goofies would be like in a Harry Potter/Hogwarts Alternate Universe ✨
Alex Imallexx Elmslie
🔞"Eating Out HC's" - headcanons of what the Chaos crew would be like giving head
Cam Kirkham
<tbc!>
Arthur Hill
🔞"Eating Out HC's" - headcanons of what the Chaos crew would be like giving head
"Harry Potter x Chaos Crew HC's" - what these goofies would be like in a Harry Potter/Hogwarts Alternate Universe ✨
George Clarkey
🔞"Rodeo Ride" - Something about George riding that bull machine at the pub just looks so sinful, and the alcohol gives you an extra buzz of confidence when you're talking to him afterwards, leading to a good night with George...
☁️"Nights out" - Just a plain, fluffy cuddles n kisses style oneshot reflecting on what it'd be like when George came home after a night out- a huggy, touchy drunk bf ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
☁️"Christmas Imagines" - A note-form story of getting Christmas decorations out and celebrating alongside boyfriend!George... V fluffy and wholesome :)
☁️ "Snow!" - Friends to lovers, featuring ATV, ChrisMD, WillNE, Mia, Immallexx, Alice, Cam n Chloe all celebrating in the apartment when the snow starts covering the London streets which they race down to play in. Super fluffy G Clarkey x y/n festive Winter vibes
🔞"Eating Out HC's" - headcanons of what the Chaos crew would be like giving head
"Harry Potter x Chaos Crew HC's" - what these goofies would be like in a Harry Potter/Hogwarts Alternate Universe ✨
Isaac ItalianBach Smith
<tbc!>
ALL!! - silly little drabbles
"Chaos Crew as lawyers"
"Chaos Crew on a Roadtrip"
"Chaos Crew Cooking"
Cutesy lil platform roulette moments (1),(2),(3)
looking for someone you can't find?
Head back to the main masterlist to check out the other masterlists to see if the person you're looking for is there! Don't be scared to send a message via DMs or thru the inbox if you need any help xx
p.s. Customise which Oneshots YOU want to be tagged in by submitting your preferences on THIS GOOGLE FORM!
#arthurtv#atv#arthur frederick#arthurtv x reader#george clarkey#george clarkey x reader#george clarke#g clarkey#cam kirkham#immallexx#arthur hill#alex elmslie#chris dixon#chrismd#christopher dixon#commentary crew
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Your relationship trope
Joker:
Enemies/Lovers on sight.
God X Follower
Gremlin X Sunshine.
Rowdy delinquent X Sweet dork.
Harley Quinn:
Chaotic badass X Sweet badass.
Quiet listener X Lord always talking.
Aggressively supportive.
Ultimate mom friend X Feral gremlin.
Catwoman:
Each other's impulse control.
Loves talking X Loves listening
Crazy moron X Intelligent moronsexual.
Parents without kids.
Riddler:
Tall angry bastard X Short actual sunshine.
Partner in crimes that are polar opposites.
Dumbass X That's my dumbass.
Dense X Dense.
Penguin:
Angry and protective X Soft and concerned.
Asshole X Tired of it
Please stop X Too much energy.
Chaotic with a soft spot X Normal but Chaos enabler.
Scarecrow:
Sweet baby X Litteral demon.
Overthinker X Touchy drama queen.
Grumpy X Sunshine.
They probably hate me X In love just terrible at showing it.
Deathstroke:
Stoic and serious X Chill.
Feral dumbass X Voice of reason.
Ray of sunshine X Touch them and die.
Evil X Reason they haven't destroyed the world yet.
Bane:
Low maintenance X High energy.
Big evil bastard X Smitten idiot.
Tall X Small.
Pessimist X Optimist.
Mr. Freeze:
Morticia and Gomez.
Pure-heated bean X Cynical goblin.
Super hyper and loud X Loves them anyway.
Has a crush X Doesn't notice.
Two-Face:
Edgy baby X Soft bastard.
Idiot X Loves their Idiots.
Flirty X Flustered.
Quiet X Bubbly.
Poison Ivy:
Mutual pining idiots.
Confident flirt X Expert at not taking the hint.
Sun X Moon.
Cinnabun X Hot-head.
Killer Croc:
Monster X Monster fucker
Cinnamon roll X Guard dog.
Hand warm X Hand cold.
Cluess as fuck X Bad at expressing emotions.
#joker x reader#harley quinn x reader#catwoman x reader#riddler x reader#penguin x reader#scarecrow x reader#deathstroke x reader#bane x reader#mr freeze x reader#two face x reader#poison ivy x reader#killer croc x reader#dc hcs#dc headcanon#dc comics#dc#dc villains
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hi <3 id like to request larry johnson smut. i have this idea of just like laying around being lazy with him, talking about his art, music, maybe even smoking a little. as he’s comfortably rambling with you, he keeps trailing off getting distracted by looking at you. he starts grabbing at your thighs (super obsessed with them) and listing off phrases of adoration about you. just overall super lovey, entranced by you, almost can’t help himself but just being all over you. just some guilty pleasure lazy lovey smut plss 😭😭
Sorry for taking so long I was in art block for a hot minute, long intro,fluff,love making smut >>
•oO* •oO* •oO* •oO* •oO* •oO* •oO* •oO*•oO*•o
The Artist’s muse
Art credit: @deordah on instagram
You woke up begrudgingly to the buzz on your phone. The rectangular light emitted shadowed your bewildered, but sleepy features as you grasp your phone with your eyes still closed. Once you could lift the weight of your eyelids you could just see a text from your boyfriend.
‘Come to my room, I need your help.’
You muster a groan before slugging off the bed before putting on some more appropriate pjs to where before sliding on some fluffy slippers and exiting your apartment to trudge into his. Times like this you feel grateful that you live in the same complex as your lover.
The elevator shuddered and reeked of cigarettes and mildew finally stopped and you exited. Softly opening is shared apt door to not wake his mom up with the spare key she gave you a couple months back. In her words Larry made too much noise trying to sneak you in himself than you actually coming normally.
You lock the door behind you and shuffle to his bedroom. The deafening silence of your slippers and his music looming vibrations into the thin wall made you feel almost invisible like a ghost. The familiar smell of burning marijuana and incense filled your nose.
You open his door and slide in to close it behind you. He hadn’t notice your presence yet. You spotted his figure behind a canvas atop of his big easily that also blocked the door way. Most likely the cause of him not noticing you come in. His vinyl player playing a more low and somber tone in contrast of the typical metallic death metal.
You scooted to the side, he still doesn’t notice you. But now you see he’s hyper-focused and high painting something. You see the shapes and color of a figure but you can’t tell what it is yet. You see him put down his paint brush with his brows furrowed as he takes another hit from his blunt, reaching for his phone.
‘Hurry up’
‘I’m right next to you dumby.’
You waited for text to deliver, to ping his phone, and to fully read your one sentence before lifting his head up like a barn owl. You see him jump in his stool and almost fall back. “Jesus fuck, sals a bad influence on you, you know that?” You chuckle at his response and move closer, hugging his tall frame as an apology. “What did you need help with larva.” Larva was the nick name you gave him because you grimaced every time you used larr-bear. Larva being way cuter you argued. You boyfriend who had mixed feelings about being compared to a worm, got back to what he wanted to say.
“I need you to pose for me, I wanna paint ya.”
You paused and looked at him, looking in his features to decipher if he was messing with you or not. His eyes stared back at yours with honesty and the white of his eyes a more pink from weed.
He then wrapped his arms around you to pick you up. You wide eyed and flattered at first, now flustered and in the air. “How bout,no..actually hold on.” He muttered before he flopped you on the bed with heist as he rearranges the position of his easel. You were torn with emotion. Flattered that your boyfriend wanted to paint you, but tired because it’s almost two and half in the morning.
You steal the neglected blunt off his nightstand as he fumbled with his pants. Still lit and burning you inhale while just accepting what’s happing. Still half asleep as you stare off into space. “You’re so pretty you know that?” His voice dipping an octave with his brush against the canvas. “I’m tired.” You almost whispered, even talking normally felt like too much work right now. “I mean it, you’re so fucking beautiful.” You say nothing unintentionally,zoned out from sleep deprivation and the slow high as you inhaled the blunt with your lips touching the rolled up paper.
You’re unsure how much time has passed. Your mind brought back to Larry when you no longer hear the brush strokes and music from the player suddenly click off. You observe him turn of the lights, but still seeing his silhouette shuffle toward you. Climbing in the bed quietly, the light of your blunt being the only light emitting from the room.
He sits closer to you,not saying a word, but you can tell what he is doing. You give him the blunt, he cranes his head. you cup his cheek with your free hand and place the joint to his lips with your other hand. You two shared the dwindling blunt until it was just bits of burnt paper. Breathing smoke from his mouth into yours, feeling as if you’re sucking his soul.
“I love you.” He said. His head coming to rest on your shoulder as you put your hands around his neck. “I love you too, don’t ever wake me up this late again.” You hear his sudden chuckle, feeling his dopey smile on your skin. “I’m sorry, just miss you.” He continued. Pulling down your pj pants with your underwear. “You see me everyday.” You entertained him as you pulled his shirt off. “I know.” He huffed. Taking off your shirt he gave you years ago.
“I just want you here, I want your heart.. Your attention, I wanted to hear your voice. I don’t know how to put it. I even miss the smell of your clothes.”
He uttered through whispers. Shuffling his pants off to kick them away. Kissing the shell of your ear down to your neck. Hands on your waist as his legs intertwined with yours.
“I need you.”
He grabbed the lube from that laid on the covers from a couple nights before. Pouring a generous amount on his shaft. You lock his waist between you with your legs. He rubbed his cock between your folds,heat already emitting from the both of you. The squelching sound made by your mixture of slick and lube coating your lips as his tip plays with your sensitive clit. You let out a shuddered whimper from the teasing, earning a chuckle from the man above you. He then inserted the head in, pausing to give you time to adjust before sinking his length in. His thickness was something you never got used to, no matter how many times you two were together. He bottomed out with a huff. Pausing again to give you time to adjust. You ran your hands through his hair to signal him to go. He slowly thrusted but thoroughly pressed into your core when he made contact. Now spouting endless praise and encouragement to you. “You so fucking hot, fuck, your pussy is so good I could fuck you forever. Your noises are so fucking cute too. I love you so much baby you don’t even know.” He sped up to where you could hear the plaps and squelching of your skin together. Inching closer and closer before you were about to climax. “Larry I’m close-“ you could only warn too soon before you felt your legs spasm and shake as you gush around his cock. Hiding your face in the crook of his neck as he chased his high, thrust coming to a sloppy rhythm as he pumped his cum I side you, filling your pussy until it was spilling out as he pulled out.
“We can clean up tomorrow morning.” He exhaled, still lying on top of you as he drew the blanket covers over the two of you. “I love you.” You whispered with soft huffs. “Love you too.” He said, falling asleep with your arms around him.
#sally face#larry johnson fluff#larry johnson x reader smut#sally face larry x reader#larry johnson x reader#larry johnson sally face#sally face larry#larry x reader#larry johnson
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Mrvlbimbo's Eddie Munson Masterlist
hiiiiii everyone, I figured it was time I made a master list for all my Eddie fics.
For anything in the series and longer fics catagory y'all can send me requests to further those stories and/or HCs you have for them.
Everything other than the drabbles is explicitly xfem reader because I write in third person using she/her pronouns.
The summaries are bad but hopefully this is helpful for everyone.
Smut meter
🍓complete fluff
🍒suggestive
🌶smuttish
🔥full on smut
Other tags
☁️angst
🍬sub! Eddie
🧁sub! Reader
🏠established relationship
🎲virgin! Eddie
💎virgin! Reader
Series and longer fics
Secret admirer series, pt1, 2, 3, 4
reader leaves romantic notes in Eddie's locker because she's too shy to talk to him in person.
Rating: 🌶💎🎲 (will change when chapter 4 is posted)
Eddie x bimbo!reader series masterlist
based on this request: eddie and bimbo reader!! a unique pair, but reader likes metal and rock music, and they find other ways to bond later
Rating: there’s too many parts but it’s a mix of all
Incentive, pt 1
Eddie has a crush on the assistant coach of the Hawkins High women's tennis team. She's only a year older than him, only problem is she refuses to date a highschooler. Looks like Eddie has some incentive to graduate
Something isn't right here, pt 1/2
A few weeks after returning from the upside down, Eddie wakes up changed. His new bloodlust only rivaled by his regular lust for his best friend.
Bimbo!reader x Vampire!Eddie
Perv!Eddie thoughts,
some hcs
Just a little quid pro quo, Virgin!reader buys drugs from Eddie and just so happens for 'forget' her money
Eddie's neighbor gets drenched in the cold and he just neeeeds to help her warm up
Sub!Eddie thoughts,
using a vibrator on Eddie
making Eddie cry his eyeliner off
What’s the plot of Romeo and Juliet again?
based on this request: eddie X (cheerleader?) reader where reader is dating jason. they get into an argument and eddie steps in to protect her. maybe they end up breaking up and eddie is really happy about it.
Rating: 🔥💎🧁
And they were roomates (pt 2 eventually)
Eddie and the reader are roommates, she catches him jerking off. She offers to help.
Rating: 🌶🍬
You mean nothing (everything) to me
friends to enemies to lovers. They fuck in the hellfire chair. It's almost 5k words.
Rating: 🔥🍬☁️
Practice makes perfect, first times the charm (coming soon)
based on this request: Eddie fic? where poor baby is a virgin but his not-girl-friend is more than happy to let him give her head for ‘practice’?
Rating: 🌶🍬🎲
It’s about time someone wrote an Eddie Munson sex pollen fic
its an Eddie Munson sex pollen fic.
Rating: 🔥
Jason doesn’t know
Eddie and reader are fwb and she's cheating on her boyfriend (Jason) Loosely based on the song Scotty Doesn't Know.
Rating: 🔥
One shots
Don’t move
cockwarming with subby Eddie
Rating:🔥🍬🏠
Polar Opposites
based on this request: eddie with a hyper feminine, super spoiled girl? Like, everyone just being exhausted by the stereotypical girly thing she is, and her just sitting all pretty in his lap in the throne in the hellfire club room
Rating:🍒🏠
Oblivious
based on this request: Eddie coming home after a club meeting that went rlly well and he’s super pent up and energized and he gets into his room and he’s greeted with the sight of his sweet y/n on his bed in the cutest pink lingerie set waiting to have him basically rearrange her organs, and ofc he does cause how could he say no to his needy girl
Rating: 🔥🏠
I like-like you too
based on this request: eddie x fem!reader where they both like eachother and it’s sooo obvious to everyone but them? and they get teased all the time by everyone
Rating: 🍒
One more?
based on this request: Eddie fucking readers brain out and then taking care of her while she's in subspace
Rating: 🔥🧁🏠
Gummies
based on this request: u eat some of eddies gummy bears only to find out they were edibles, n now eddie has to deal with a very high y/n who wont stop gushing about him and being all giddy
Rating: 🍓
Road trip
based on this request: reader and Eddie aren’t really close but they both unknowingly think each other are attractive but reader thinks Eddie is way out of her league. So they’re in the car with dustin, max, mike and Steve, but there’s no room for the reader so Eddie offers for reader to sit on his lap. So they’re both really nervous and reader keeps shifting in his lap so he grips her hips to get her to stop because he’s getting hard and he’s really embarrassed about it
Rating: 🌶🍬
I’ll never leave
based on this request: eddie having a nightmare where his gf leaves him only for him to wake up with her drooling all over his arm in her sleep
Rating: 🍓☁️🏠
It goes both ways
based on this request: reader getting into a fight with a jock because he hit and/or upset Eddie? Like, maybe she could kick his ass but she would also have gotten her fair share of hits?
Rating: 🍓
Not so innocent
based on this request: y/ns like this good girl teachers pet-- pleated skirts and mary janes and all-- with straight a's and she's sent to tutor eddie bc man is failing with a capital F so they're studying in her pink room with a bunch of awesome stuffies (in my head a lot of them are dragons and gargoyles and eddie's nerdy lil heart fricken explodes but this is just me being stupid in love) and he has full intention to do absolutely zERO work
(corruption kink and dom!eddie if you couldn't tell by now jdjjd)
and the whole time he's just teasing her (cough degrading her cough) and flirting with her (cO U G H praising her ahem) and- oops now they're fucking *acts shocked*
Rating: 🔥💎🧁
Thoroughly
based on this request: idk idk i’m just imagining eddie being like bold bold
“you wish you could handle me”
“yes, i do. roughly…thoroughly…for hours…”
Rating: 🍒
Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry.
based on this request: eddie accidentally calling you mommy while you’re edging him? so u like slightly laugh cause ur like omg???????? and he’s just so embarrassed BYE
Rating: 🔥🍬🏠
Rings can’t go in there
based on this request: eddie having to fish his ring out of your coochie
Rating: 🌶🏠
Teenage rebellion
Based on the request: What if Jason’s sister flirts with Eddie just to annoy his brother but she ends up having sex with him (I like how you write, specifically submissive Eddie)
Rating: 🔥🍬🎲
Drabbles
Aftercare
Wearing his rings
Giving him hickies
Boobs, boobs pt2
Belly bulge
Thighs
Fingering
Your first time with Eddie
Praise kink
Sub Eddie with begging
Naked Polaroids
Eddie x plus sized reader
Eddie with a mommy kink
Eddie x y2k aesthetic reader
Role play
Possessive Eddie
Giving Eddie head scratches
Flirting with Eddie
Jewlery and tits
Eddie is needy and wants attention
Eddie doesn't want to share his cookies with Hellfire
Getting Eddie's name tattooed
(Plz lmk if any of the links don’t work)
#stranger things season 4#stranger things#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson stranger things#eddie stranger things#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson#eddie munson fanfiction#eddie munson smut#eddie munson fluff
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Kinktober Day 21 - Somnophilia
Another hyper fixation I had a fling with has to do with um..a Latino Spider-man. >///> Don't look at me, he's got nice...features....*cough* Enjoy!~
Warning! This work does contain pre-agreed to (although never directly stated) consensual non-consent! If that is not something you're okay with, please do not read! Thank you!
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Never in your life had you seen someone work as hard as Miguel did. You knew, of course, why he did what he did. The multiverse was a serious thing, and despite not being part of the Spider Society, you knew why it needed the protection it had.
Not that it wasn’t important, you do wish Miguel would give himself a break once in a while. It hurt you to see the man you loved so dear make it back to your shared home looking like he was about to drop to the ground. Yet no matter how much you argued with him about it, he never relented.
You even consulted Lyla about it one night when Miguel wasn’t in earshot. “You can’t just…lace the Rapture or something?” you asked, voice hushed. “Slip some melatonin in there or something to get him to just…relax for a second?”
“Sorry hun,” Lyla told you, the AI sighing heavily in her own electronic way. “I wish I could.” You flopped back against your shared bed at that answer.
Upon wandering through the halls of the society that day, you hadn’t expected anything different. You waved and said hello to a variety of different Peter Parkers and Spider-Mans alike. They knew you pretty well by now, seeing how often you brought food by Miguel’s office to be sure he was actually eating. Sometimes they’d keep you company while you waited for him to return.
The door opened slowly, and you expected the pedestal to lower with your super-powered lover atop it. “Miguel, I brought your favorite by,” you called. Yet as the chair he sat at turned around, you caught a sight that was beyond rare.
Head held up by his fist, Spiderman-2099 was out like an absolute light. You sighed quietly as you set the food down and approached him, doing your best to mute your footsteps. Once you were on the pedestal, you felt it begin to raise and panicked slightly.
Lyla appeared out of thin air, hushing you. You smiled in relief, settling yourself on the metal flooring between Miguel’s legs. “Yeah, you might not want to sit there sweetheart,” the AI told you quietly. When you gave her a questioning look, she points to the area of your lover’s crotch.
Even his spider suit did nothing to conceal the bulge growing beneath the synthetic cloth. You blushed a little, peeking your head around the chair to see if anyone else had entered with you. Upon realizing you were alone, you put your hand gently on the man’s inner thigh.
“You’re so worked up love,” you whispered, caressing the skin their. You watched with a knowing look as pixels slowly dissipated to reveal his prominent erection. You weren’t going to question though, taking your lover’s member in your hand and pumping slowly. “You need to relax more.”
Miguel made a soft noise in his slumbering state, but otherwise showed no signs of waking. Perfect. You did your best to be slow and quiet, licking a line up the shaft before swirling your tongue around the head. With enough saliva built up, you slid your way down, bobbing your head at a snail’s pace. You wanted this to be pleasurable for him, not a rude awakening.
And so far, it was. On the occasion, your love would buck his hips up, especially when your tongue swiped over a few specific veins. You did your best not to gag too harshly, tucking your thumb into your fist and holding it tightly.
Every once in a while you would hear him mumble something in Spanish or even your name, which you took as a good sign. One hand you kept on his thigh, massaging the muscles there. The other took to stroking his shaft where you couldn’t quite reach. You had your lover as covered as the multiverse ever would be.
You knew he was close when the little noises got to be more and more frequent. You focused your attention on the head of his cock, laving your tongue over the slit. “Mi amor,” you heard as cum began to hit your tongue and cheek. Miguel groaned softly as he came, hips rising off his chair.
The sound of the door opening caught your attention, causing you to panic. You’re not too sure what made the pedestal remain so still, but your blood was running cold regardless. “I’ll be with you in a minute,” came Miguel’s voice, sounding as cool and calm as ever.
You looked up only to be met with those tired ruby eyes you adored so much. Once the door shut, your hero bent forward a bit as he thumbed the cum from your cheek. He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before sitting up straight again.
“Thank you for the respite cariño. Now let me get back to work.”
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☕️Soul Story with Your Divine Counterpart ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card
A long, long, long time ago, in the harmonic realms of Pure Bliss, there was nothing but Dharma. Bored as whoa from a lack of strife, our Souls began to yearn for Drama. In the theatre of the Universe, Game Masters joined forces to create the most hyper-realistic Game of Polarity—of opposites and contrasts. We were told, we would understand Unity better if we could master Duality.
Divine Pairs were invited for the launch of the Game as the unbreakable bond between them was deemed the most powerful, enough to withstand the chaotic nature of Duality and Polarity. In time, we all jumped into the Game expecting all kinds of immersive experiences of playing knaves and heroes, destroyers and builders, enemies and lovers, et cetera, et cetera.
In the beginning, we played amongst many of our own Kind but eventually met those from other harmonics who had later been invited to the Game, too. In a world of illusions… we were dreaming all kinds of events and adventures with our cosmic avatars, and in time, all kinds of storylines intertwined to weave an even bigger cosmic narrative.
We all played for so long we were beginning to forget our true form. Many of us could no longer recognise each other’s Divine Counterparts. A multitude of shape-shifting had caused a distortion in reconnecting to our Original Memory. The game world had now become a second Reality.
🎧Alone Again, Wonderful World by Plastic Tree
🎧I Love You by Off Course
[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3]
[Patreon] [Paid Readings]
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
There is a super special behind-the-story for this PAC on Patreon. If you’re already subscribed, don’t forget to check the full post ^o^v
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 1 – Finally, Happily Ever After with You♥︎
MOVIE: Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)
your Home World – Page of Swords
I have a feeling your Home World (at least one of them that is significant in your current stage of soul evolution) was a relatively new world. You’ve come from a civilisation that prized intellectual pursuits more than anything. Your Kind loved to study; you enjoyed improving your environment and society. Researching plants—understanding them and making chemicals and potions with them—was a pastime of your people. You were working to understand your Planet.
Your Home World had many large, expansive libraries of all the things your people had come to learn. Many people loved to visit the library and read and just have fun studying. You were such big-brained folks. There was no school like we know on Earth. There were academies and laboratories for children to partake in research and new inventions. The weather on your Home World was always pleasantly sunny and you could see buildings that are similar to hot houses on Earth. There were gardens and open fields, of course. Vegs and herbs were your main interest and food was aplenty.
People had roles in society but nobody had any semblance of a concept of what we call ‘jobs’ on Earth. People didn’t work for money. People lived with the joy of knowing that they were alive and that the Planet had provided for them. Your people loved the Planet so much—you appreciated and cherished this new world you were beginning to understand. But… this also meant you didn’t have any concept of conflict, power struggle, and war… You didn’t have a military—never crossed your mind the necessity for such a thing.
And so, when warmongering space invaders attacked your Home World you couldn’t protect yourself.
a promise before birth – 4 of Swords Rx
From the moment the space invaders arrived, it was clear that there was no way your civilisation could stand a chance against the enemy’s warships. The imbalance of military power was too overbearing. You didn’t even have an army, not even a fighter. All you could do was try your best to evacuate your people and escape the Planet. Homes and gardens were destroyed and families were torn apart. Friends and lovers calling out names of lost loved ones. Sisters and mothers shielding children and escaping. Brothers and fathers staying behind to buy time.
This horror was etched in your Soul Memory for a long time. Your heartbreak became a default setting when you chose to be born on Earth. As if, you’d forgotten how it feels like to have peace. But you craved it from the deepest unseen well of your subconscious, and at one point in your soul evolution, you prayed to Infinite Intelligence. You prayed that you could be saved from the looping horror of being trapped in the same scenario of sorrows. You had come to resent the Game.
‘Please, salvage my heart from betrayals, isolation and loneliness.’ Infinite Intelligence heard your plea and whispered: ‘If you could remember your Divine Counterpart, they will remember you, too, and you will be calling out for one another. If you could remember your true form, you will remember what your Divine Counterpart feels (looks) like. And all will be fine in all of the worlds again when you meet.’ And you fell back into slumber to find yourself awake on Earth.
finding each other – 5 of Swords Rx
Earth is a world that is just as war-torn as your Home World, if not a lot worse out here. Being born into a world so reminiscent of all your traumas, navigating Life here has not been easy. As if Infinite Intelligence had played a cruel joke on you. But the truth is, Earth is the perfect place for you right now because by being here you resolve your traumas a lot faster than if you had been born somewhere comparatively better. You are in the midst of recovering from bad dreams of lives lost in wars.
Did it cross your mind that your Divine Counterpart has also been doing the same? You’re not alone. You’re working really hard to purify yourself from all of these bad dreams, bad memories, all so you wouldn’t mistakenly destroy each other when you meet. Infinite Intelligence had arranged for you to face your traumas head on so you wouldn’t have to show your ugly healing to each other. That scenario isn’t for you. Isn’t it so graceful?
Although it’s hard to face your challenges feeling like you’re all alone in the wild wide world, trust me, it’s better to have those quarrels and separations with people who mean little. I can hear a soft voice from the aether saying: ‘You’re… the only reason I’m still breathing… We will meet. When I’m good, I can make everything in your world good!’ So confident. So loving, indeed.
TURNING THE PAGES🔻💜
story behind your Union – Gold Physician (Hippocrates)
the rest of your days – Priestess of Ambition
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 2 – True Calm That Comes Only After the Storms
MOVIE: Grave of the Fireflies & My Neighbor Totoro (both 1988)
your Home World – 8 of Cups
Quite similar to Pile 1, you still carry deep sadness and heavy regrets in your heart that are, truthfully, only remnants of memories from your Home World. Your Home World was quite advanced technologically. Your civilisation depended on the Masculine energy—Yang energy. Societies were run on varying degrees of strictness but the modus operandi was clear: the masculine form and structural ways of running things were favoured.
Obviously, not everybody was happy about that though for a long time, peace was maintained. However, influences from visitors and ambassadors from other civilisations (by comparison they were freer; more fluid) eventually seeped into the consciousness of the main populace, and in time, underground rebellion groups were formed. These alliances were made amongst multiple races of beings that felt they weren’t accepted (or respected enough) by the main races.
Friction began to tear apart the establishment and government officials tried their utmost to crack down dissents. Many went to prison or got killed in the numerous conflicts that were becoming a plague in your Home World. In a last attempt to preserve the codes of freedom, many elders told their young warriors to flee and find refuge in other Worlds that were, hopefully, more balanced in their operation of Yin and Yang.
a promise before birth – 3 of Cups
You left your Home World carrying a promise to come back and make everything better after you’ve learnt enough about the ways of other Worlds. Tears were inevitable but the determination in your heart was solid. You were a new legion of Ambassadors from your own Home World. You didn’t really want to think of yourselves as refugees, after all, many of your Soul Family members were still living alright in your Home World though things were just… a little too unpleasantly unjust.
When you departed your Home World, you created a mirror image of yourself to accompany you across the Multiverse—a divinely ordained Counterpart. This was possible by the grace of the Infinite Intelligence, of course. In the beginning, you went to the same places and learnt similar things. Over time, your understanding of each other’s capabilities became clearer and, with confidence, you decided you would travel separately from now on.
You had this unbreakable bond and an immense capacity for telepathy, so you weren’t the slightest bit worried about losing contact with your Counterpart. You believed that it would be just as easy to call upon each other and reunite as you deemed fit. Alas, your travels brought you to Earth, finally, and things over here were just… slightly over-the-top chaotic for even you to handle. The level of evil on this new World was… NEXT LEVEL.
finding each other – 7 of Pentacles Rx
Crash landing on Earth! Coming here felt like a major accident. Your whole world upside down. The reason being something related to betrayal trauma. To find a World that’s even more polarised than your own; to see a World that operates on the highest level of toxic masculinity; to be in a World this corrupted by its own leaders; needless to say the whole being born thing was traumatising.
The shocks of being born on Earth made it difficult to reconnect with the essence of who you are on a Soul level. Thus you forgot how to contact your Divine Counterpart. You’ve felt like you have so little guidance living Life on Earth. But deep in your psyche, you’ve always known you’re here for something greater than the mundane. You know you don’t belong to this Earth. You’re here on a mission. You want to build something with someone… Someone dear, but you can’t remember.
Can you believe that you and your Divine Counterpart are meant to inspire the dissolution of anger? Yes, this World so deep in the clutches of aggression. You are special Souls who have been ordained to meet on Earth when the time is right to help inspire peace—after all, it is what you seek and Infinite Intelligence is arranging every couple’s rendezvous in the most magnificently mysterious ways. I think your finding each other is just gonna happen naturally by virtue of matching vibrations. So~ Keep focusing on your Life’s mission and just like that~ BOOM! There they are.
TURNING THE PAGES🔻💚
story behind your Union – Green Historian (Herodotus)
the rest of your days – Priestess of Inspiration
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 3 – ‘Kiss You Better; I’m Your Only Other’
MOVIE: Princess Mononoke (1997)
your Home World – 6 of Wands
The Home World that’s currently significant in your soul evolution was a world of glory and magnificence. Your Home World looked nothing like what we know of abundance and celebration on Earth; it was such a rich and happy World. It emanated so much pink, gold, blue, turquoise and soft violet. Back in your Home World, people didn’t even look… humanoid, per se. Your Home World was… fluid. It was a different type of consciousness. Life itself was fluid. Existence was simply flowing with the sweet symphony of the Cosmos.
Your Home World operated on the basis of Love. People were very kind and jolly most of the time. Your people didn’t really understand this whole concept of non-Love. Suffering and terror… what the heck are those? Manipulation and lies… for what? Taking advantage of someone else, murder and theft… but… why? All of those concepts were so foreign yet so fascinating to your people.
When you heard that Earth needed some high-vibe volunteers to ‘raise her vibrations’, actually, not that many people from your Home World were interested LMAO The risks of being separated and forgetting Love sounded not worth a good dime. Your World was so peaceful, loving and fulfilling. But the call from Earth felt a little too urgent! So… Some curious and courageous Souls finally decided to take a test drive. Just a preview. It couldn’t be that bad, you thought.
a promise before birth – King of Wands
With gleeful optimism, you promised people back Home that you would be back with grand stories! Off you and your Soul Mates went to a big academy (on another World) to study and prepare for a reincarnation on Earth. Yup, unlike the other Piles in which they couldn’t help but arrive on Earth, you chose to come here out of genuine curiosity. You were expecting dramatic fun!
You and your Divine Counterpart were giggling with anticipation as you prepared yourselves to dive into the Earth Matrix. You and your Divine Counterpart are powerful Souls; you were confident this Game would be between easy to medium difficulty, although you had been told Earth Game’s level of easy is the equivalent of extra hard anywhere else! Your optimism deafened you to that piece of information🤷🏻♀️
You kissed your Divine Counterpart and said, ‘I love you. Let’s find each other quickly in this Game. Let’s have fun and then go back to tell everyone what we’ve seen! It’ll be great!’ Your Divine Counterpart nodded in agreement and waved to all members of your Soul Family and they did the same. With great determination to serve your collective consciousness back Home, you dove into the illusions of Life on Earth🌎
finding each other – 5 of Pentacles
Arriving here, from the moment you were born as a child the world was already chaos. The reality of Earth was too shocking to bear alone. Who would’ve thought the density of Earth would cause you this much pain? Physically, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, everythingally. You thought, ‘Damn, my training at the academy told me nothing, NOTHING, of this!’ Literally you didn’t expect Earth’s negative polarisation would be THIS fucked up.
For you’ve come from a world of nothing but Love, Life on Earth was soul-shattering to say the least. Many moments you’ve thought it impossible to go back to the frequencies of Love and you became dejected as fuck. But you’ve only forgotten that YOU are Love. You carry the memories of all your collective consciousness that supports your coming here. As long as you tap into this Love deep within yourself, so shall you be reconnected to the essence of who you are on a profound Soul level. There, as well, you will feel the heartbeat of your Divine Counterpart.
For you’ve come from Love, it’s as if your Divine Counterpart had left a piece of their Heart in yours so you never feel alone. You are both a complete whole carrying a piece of each other’s essence everywhere you go—a perfect personification of the Yin-Yang symbolism. You are literally inseparable and have never truly been separated. A piece of your Heart in theirs is always reminding them of their ultimate goal in this incarnation: to find each other, weave stories together, and infuse a piece of yourselves into the collective conscious of Mankind as a token of gratitude—for all the experiences.
TURNING THE PAGES🔻💛
story behind your Union – Red Astronomer (Johannes Kepler)
the rest of your days – Priestess of Illumination
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 3]
[Patreon] [Paid Readings]
#Punk Panda Pick A Pic#pick a card#tarot pick a card#pick a card reading#pac#tarot pac#pac reading#future spouse#tarot future spouse#astroblr#tarotblr#writblr#witchblr#witchythings#soulmate#divine counterpart#desired reality#lightworker#starseed#girlblogger#girlblogging
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Craig Tucker headcanons!
{sfw+nsfw} {fem reader}
when you first met Craig your freshman year of high school you were put off by his “i don’t give a fuck” demeanor
but after getting to know him, you found out he was just a sweet kid with many walls
when you first started dating it came as a surprise to the school, that Craig wasn’t fully gay
Tweek was hurt at first to see his past lover move on but he decided to move on also
he is extremely territorial of you, he hates when other men try to talk to you
during football games he can’t stop staring at you on the sidelines in your cheerleading uniform
for homecoming week you wore his jersey for there homecoming game and he was smitten
pda is sometimes okay, he likes to hold your hand out waist when you walk
he is a secret admirer, even when you are dating he will sit there and admire your beauty
writes love notes to you for every month anniversary
since stripe passed away you guys got a new guinea pig and named him spot
his love language is physical touch, he loves holding you close
is super big on cuddles, every time you hang out there is a cuddle sesh
says i love you in the first month because he is smitten with you
plays with your hair
the first time you ever saw him cry is when you had your first fight,
it scared you at first because you have never seen him so vulnerable 
“the reason why i am upset is because they don’t have good intentions, they want to use you!”
“your the only person i love, i would give you the whole world if i could”
comforting him was a little bit of a struggle because you didn’t know how
when you cry it’s the same for him
he doesn’t know how to respond to your emotions
ok Fridays you and Craig’s gang hang out at Tolkien’s house because he rich, and they have a pool
you and Jimmy are besties 👯
he loves when he lays on your chest so you run your hands through his hair
is actually a very extroverted person when you get to know him better
6’3, fucker is tall
when he kisses you he holds your head with both of his hands on each side of your head
always updates you on what’s happening when your not in class together
“dude Cartman just swung at Kyle”
“ wtf why💀”
“because remember how we have a presentation about WWII?”
“yeah..?”
“well Cartmans presentation was about hitler being right about jews and shit like that and obvi pissed kyle off and he just swung out of nowhere and it was great”
“damn i wish i had history with you guys😭”
late night drives are very common for you, it’s when you can be alone and talk about anything
always kisses your neck or forehead
when you are stressed he will rub your back until you fall asleep
he loves movies and makes you watch them with him
is you do any activities, he is always there with a smile on your face watching your every move
for valentine’s day he gets you a huge bouquet of your favorite flowers and a poem he wrote for you
he sells vapes for easy money
gives you free ones if you want any
his family really likes you
his mom always tells you stories of when he was young, and you guys always gossip🤭
his dad thinks your a good match for his son
Tricia really likes you and asks to hang out with you guys all the time
Craig usually says no😞
your name for him in his phone is “Mrs Tucker🫶🏼”
will always listen to what you have to say he is more of a listener then anything
when he gives you a sweater of his or a stuffed animal, he sprays his cologne on it
he loves when you wear his hat he thinks it looks so cute on you
always tells you how beautiful you look, it is an everyday occurrence
he sees you being together for a long time in the future but he doesn’t want to say anything to jinx it
he really likes eye contact, it feels so sensual to him
tells you all about his hyper fixations, aka all the space facts he knows
always asks if you ate today
is extremely good at reading people and knows exactly when your upset
“hun what is wrong?”
“nothing is”
“yes, something made you upset your shoulders got tense”
“you know me too well”
his parents are pretty layed back so they let you have sleepovers
once his dad flipped you off and it scared the shit out of you because you thought you did something wrong
almost all the photos you have together, Craig’s flipping off the camera🤦🏽♀️
he really likes to lift it helps relieve stress
he has a photo of you in his car, locker, phone case and room
you made a scrapbook of all the things you have done together, it contains dried flowers, the love notes he gives you, pictures of you guys and special dates
he def listens to R&B
always play fights with you, he usually body slams you on the bed
when you facetime him he always puts spot on the phone so he can say hi to his mom
you babysit Tricia whenever his parents are away and Craig is busy
she loves you though so it’s always a win win
if you ever ask Craig to be in a Tiktok with you it always takes you begging him for 19 straight minutes
when he snaps you it’s always a photo of him doing this face 😐
he loves the simple things in life like taking a walk or a picnic with you
calls you Mrs Tucker in front of his friends
if anyone tries to flirt with you he will go psycho
he will rip that guy a new one and swing, and yes it’s happened before
he hums or taps his finger to a beat when concentrating
he loves music and has a collection of vinyl records
sometimes he will put on his Frank Sinatra vinyl and you guys will slow dance
NSFW!!
he is a dom 100%
low key a sadist, he is also very kinky (it’s always the quite ones)
he loves to see you a wimpering mess begging to be touched by him
his favorite is edging
to see you so excited about your release but then being able to take it away makes him feral
6’5 inches but he is pretty girthy
he loves toys, especially paddles
brat tamer all the way
if you have been bad he will bend you over his knee and make you count and say thank you after each spank
he is not lacking muscle, god no, his arms are very defined and he has a great v line and soft abs
is very rough during sex usually
if he is in a very romantic mood it will be slow and passionate
he loves to mark you up, especially on your thighs
loves degrading you,
“god your such a slut”
“you stupid whore, you like it when i fuck you senseless, yeah?”
“be quite slut, you don’t want to be punished, huh?”
loves face fucking
his favorite position is doggy style because he can pull your hair and arch your back
is very into bondage and always practices on you
when he does he makes sure to be careful the first time to make sure it’s safe, if he hurt you he would never forgive himself
nipple clamps are also one of his favorites and gags
he loves to see you tied up, a submissive mess, begging to cum
his favorite part about you is your boobs and stomach
loves to be called sir or daddy
when you first did he swore he almost died because of how hard he came
really likes to go raw, he loves how it feels and really likes to cum on your face
when you suck him off he holds your head so he can be in control
loves to give you head, usually overstimulates you on purpose
“p-please sir i c-can’t anymore!”
“yes you can, i need to taste you again”
aftercare is usually really sweet
he usually apologizes if he went to far or said something that hurt your feelings
will get you water and ibuprofen incase your sore
he will get you all cleaned up and dress you
holds you in his arms with a grip of steel
kisses your forehead and your lips
.
.
i really enjoyed writing this, and i’m always open to requests i love writing for you guys. i hope you enjoyed this❤️
#south park#sp craig#craig tucker#south park craig#craig x reader#south park headcanons#south park x reader#craig tucker x reader#craig tucker x you
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one way; cbg
part i | part ii | part iii
🖊️⇝ pairing; afab!reader x beomgyu
🖊️⇝ word count; 17.3k
🖊️⇝ genre; enemies 2 lovers, smut, & angst
🖊️⇝synopsis; things have gotten much more complicated in a relationship that spawned from simplicity
🖊️⇝ warnings; thoughts of suicide and murder, brief descriptions of gore, PIV, balls in mouth, lots of kissing, not super smut heavy, manipulation, betrayal, descriptions of depression, assault (the usual), passionate sex, the l bomb
📜⇝ aw man, this is very BITTERsweet. Idk how I feel about this. Ask me in a week and I'll either love or hate it. I didn't go into part one expecting to flesh out their relationship, so please forgive me if this long awaited finale doesn't reach your expectations. I am happy to finally say it's finished though!!
You didn’t remind Beomgyu of anyone. Maybe before you started having sex, that’s why he was so sure. He felt like he was experiencing deja vu from how similar you were to those groupies. Just awkward, quirky, and harmless. You’re only here to do your job and just happened to become friends with this celebrity. The romantic feelings that developed, oh those are to be expected. Of course you fell in love! But if another handsome, famous fella came around and was willing… that love is suddenly conditional.
But then you were letting Beomgyu bite your lip and rip your clothes off, you were shoving your tongue down his throat and letting him fuck you in every conceivable position. While still remaining kind and loyal to Soobin.
You were even open about the things Beomgyu did to you. You didn’t care how it made you look or if it would scare the others off. You didn’t present it as this passionate sexy moment, but the clumsy and somewhat comical situation it was. You were comfortable with them. Letting them see the real you even if it wasn’t exactly attractive. Maybe Beomgyu was wrong about you.
Then he’d catch these glimpses. Moments where he really saw Hyesoo in you. Everyone would be laughing and then suddenly you’d bring up a recent accomplishment of Soobin’s. It seemed weird to shift mid-conversation to boost him up. But when Beomgyu looked around, no one else saw anything wrong with it. He was hyper analyzing you and he was trying to stop. It was hard not to think about Hyesoo period, but with a new woman cozied up in their dorm it was even harder.
When you’d hit Soobin’s arm while laughing, buy only him snacks and drinks, laugh at his jokes harder than anyone else, fall asleep with your head on his shoulder. No matter how much he tried to stop himself, he couldn’t stop thinking you were buttering him up. Locking him in.
Here he was, staying up until 5 am dwelling on every thought that enters his brain. He lays stagnant in your bed, staring at the ceiling but really at nothing at all. His head flops to the side and he catches a glimpse of your peaceful expression. His eyes track down to your arms curled around his bicep. He looks back up at the ceiling with a lengthy sigh.
He needs to leave.
It started with him staying a little longer to eat up the food in your fridge. You staying to chat with some of the guys. Him staying to help clean up the vase that fell and shattered during your ministrations. You staying to clean yourself off and mentioning that maybe he should bring by a few spare items of clothing in case he wants to shower at your place. Now both of you have clothes at the other’s house and he’s spending the night.
He could dwell on everything he should or shouldn’t be doing right now or he could stop fighting how the warmth of your presence is lulling him to sleep.
-🖊️⇝
Beomgyu wakes up in the absence of your warmth. If his memory serves him correctly, you’re off to practice by now. He can’t help feeling pathetic as everyone rushes off to their duties while he lounges around. He only has one month left of his suspension before he’s back on the grind. He wants to just enjoy it, but the loneliness of it all after years of constantly being surrounded by hoards of people was undeniably crushing. The people he does see are usually rushing around before leaving him in an empty house.
He slumps out of your room and is hit with the scent of freshly made toast. He spots you in the kitchen, rushing around with a piece of toast dangling from your teeth. Upon seeing Beomgyu your eyes widen, brows raising as you prompt him.
“D’you like butter on your toast? Actually, don’t say anything, I’m doing it.” Your speech is muffled until you take a bite and set the piece down. When Beomgyu finally reaches the kitchen he sees you sloppily slathering butter onto two extra pieces of toast. You place them on a small plate before pushing it toward him. You quickly steal another bite of your toast before scowling at him. “You better not leave a mess for me to clean up.”
Once you finish chewing you’re still maintaining eye contact with Beomgyu. He stares intently, and you wonder if he’s still groggy from just waking up. Then his eyes break away to the state of your hair. He gives another second of thought before sweeping the unruly strands into place.
“You’re going outside, where people will see you.” He tsks.
“Said people should mind their business.” You punctuate by tearing off a chunk of your toast, maintaining eye contact pointedly. You throw the matching jacket to your sweatpants over your shoulder. “Lock my door before you leave!”
As the door shuts, the sound echoing through the now empty apartment, Beomgyu feels hyper aware of how much empty space surrounds him where he stands. The loneliness looms over him, a reminder no matter where he goes. He may joke around, but Beomgyu tries not to whine about his problems. It feels especially inappropriate since you were in this same situation, bound to this apartment with a suddenly empty schedule. But for you, you weren’t sure if you were getting fired or worse, getting stuck in the dungeon for years with no end in sight.
He thinks about that the entire time he stays within your walls. Where you stood, sat, and lied in limbo. From the couch, he glances over at the spot he found you lying in the day after you wrecked your house. A dark, malicious feeling crawls up his spine and he squirms. Staying in your house was already confusing for him, but with this feeling of what… guilt? He had nothing to feel guilty over. He was protecting his members.
Either way, it was overwhelming. He leaves your home, locking it on the way out. His dorm had his things. He can play video games all day until his eyes dry out. It was undeniably unfulfilling, despite it being what he craved since his trainee years. It felt as empty as his home.
He intentionally has his headphones only over one ear so he can hear when the door clicks open. It’s too quiet to be more than one member. Whatever, he’ll take what he can get. He leaves the game lobby, throwing his headphones off and rushing out of his room. When his eyes are met with blonde hair he stops in his tracks. Soobin silently regards him, not sparing him an ounce of emotion as he makes his way to the fridge. He grabs a soda, pops it open, and throws it back. Beomgyu waits patiently, he needs the interaction and Soobin has to give up this silent treatment at some point.
Soobin empties the can and tosses it, a silent conflict bleeding through his indifference to Beomgyu’s presence. Both men stand in silence, Beomgyu surveying each twitch in Soobin’s expression.
Soobin grits his teeth, hoping if he squeezes hard enough this aggravating feeling flaring up will pass. “You know what really pisses me off?” He snaps once he fails.
The relief he expected doesn’t come. There’s a pang of anxiety creeping up his spine in its place. “That I’m mean to your friend-”
“That I have a feeling this is all about that situation you refuse to talk about.” Soobin immediately shoots down his quip, sparing none of his valuable time for Beomgyu’s antics. Soobin finds that new trials and tribulations rear their ugly head just when he thought he’d gotten used to them. Recently Beomgyu has been one huge trial. He hasn’t been a good leader when dealing with this but Beomgyu is also his friend and roommate. Is he not allowed to just be upset by the actions of someone so close to him? Physically and emotionally?
When he looks over at Beomgyu it’s clear from the look on his face that he’s still not going to engage. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. Letting out a lengthy sigh, he decides it’s time to abandon his personal grievances for now.
“You slept over at her house?”
Finally, it felt like someone was clamping their hands around his throat. “What, are you jealous or something?” He melts back into his usual self.
“I’m your leader.” Why does he even remind him anymore? It’s becoming increasingly apparent that the title means nothing to him.
“Yeah, you love reminding me of that fact when it’s convenient but it doesn’t apply here.” Getting his fill of interaction, he leaves the kitchen in favor of the living room. “It’s none of your business.”
“It became my business when you got in trouble. You’re on suspension, Beomgyu.” Yet again reminding him of something he clearly doesn’t care about. At least, he thinks he doesn’t until Beomgyu stops. His back is turned toward Soobin but he can still tell that it got to him.
Beomgyu no longer feels isolated but he does feel trapped again. Like the exits are too far away for him to escape and he’s forced to face this. “I don’t blame you for not speaking to the therapist they provide us with the risk of your confessions being reported, but if you tell me what’s going on we can figure this out. I’m also your friend, Beomgyu. You can talk to me.” He says softly, jumping at the chance of an opening.
This is the same guy he would laugh with until it physically hurt but he still couldn’t stop. The one who’d sneak him extra food as trainees. He’s a lovable dork who has proved on so very many occasions that he cares about each and every one of his members. Beomgyu can see it, he can feel it whipping around in the air. Soobin is right and he’s being stubborn again. It’s like the walls are closing in and pushing him closer to Soobin’s hurt but hopeful eyes. Beomgyu shuts his own.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
Before Beomgyu can see the full transition of his expression he whips around, making his way to his room.
“Really? You’re still gonna pretend nothing is wrong?!” Soobin’s increase in volume is ignored as Beomgyu slams the door behind him.
-🖊️⇝
Tomorrow is Beomgyu’s last day in suspension. Yeonjun proposed they throw a party, just another excuse for Yeonjun to party. He invites anyone whose schedule is free which turns out to be a surprising amount of people. Friendly Yeonjun knows pretty much everyone in this generation and some from previous ones. This once empty building waiting to be bought was filled wall to wall with idols, models, and actors.
Everyone notable in Beomgyu’s life saw the suspension as a no-touch subject that dampened the mood, except for you of course, the delightful person you are. Here? People are coming up to him with a tone that can only be described as vengeful.
“HYBE seems like such tight asses. You guys should ditch that place and come sign with KQ.” Hongjoong delivers a solid pat to Beomgyu’s back as he guides him to the stacked liquor table. “Let’s forget about all of that tonight.” Hongjoong messily pours two shots, either from having too many already or from sheer excitement to let loose. He hands Beomgyu one before raising his into the air. “To freedom!”
It’s almost surreal. The music feels like it swells as reality starts to dawn on him. His containment is soon to be over and he is completely surrounded by people. Things were finally gonna start looking up again.
“To freedom!”
They both knock back their shots and submerge themselves back into the crowd of people with refreshed energy. His first instinct was to find you for some celebratory cum dumping, maybe fuck you into the wall of one of these fancy port-o-potties.
“Hey.”
The voice leads Beomgyu’s eyes to a pair of sultry eyes and plump lips curved into a flirty smile. She was a perfect ten with a rack sitting pretty, the round, soft spheres of her cleavage taunting his already horny brain. Jisun was always a nice piece of eye candy. “Catch up to me,” She gestures to the shot in her hand, “and then let’s play.”
-🖊️⇝
Beomgyu is strange. He clearly still holds some resentment toward you, or at least skepticism, but he’s still around a lot. And you are too, which feels like poking the tiger. If he suddenly decides he still hates you he can rat you out with proof this time. You did blackmail the man. But this is just easier. Being strict and clear about your relationship was exhausting. Sometimes you don’t want to journey right back home after getting your back blown out.
All it would take was one joke from Beomgyu about you being clingy and you would’ve snapped back to the strict rules. Then he spent the night over your house and you felt a little at ease.
That meant you could finally have a sleepover at their dorm, staying up all night with Soobin watching scary movies and then being too scared to sleep. It also didn’t hurt having something warm to snuggle up to. The strangest part? Beomgyu seemed to be easing up. He stopped giving you that look as much, as if he’s trying to catch you scheming.
The party was much needed, and judging by the vibe of literally everyone else around you, all the partygoers would agree. There’s this overwhelming sense of relief and it’s intoxicating. Nobody can be as relieved as Beomgyu, wherever he is. You keep an eye out for him, in case he wants to monkey around in some pocket of the building.
“Hey!!” Soobin grabs your shoulder to stop you as he maneuvers around you. “There you are!”
“And here you are! I can’t believe you’re here and not at home watching anime!” You lean a little closer for him to hear over the music.
“I know! I decided I could try and blow off some steam since I pretty much have the day off tomorrow.”
“Pretty much?” You ask, curious if a monthly diet and exercise report was a company-wide event.
“We’re having a meeting before Beomgyu is reinstated. They said it’d be a small one but I’m still blowing off steam in advance.”
“Yikes. Let’s get some drinks in your system.” You guide him to the alcohol like a nurse escorting a frail patient.
All four of you were downing shots like your life depended on it on opposite sides of the bar. Beomgyu was caught up far before you and Soobin drank your stress away, so away he went. Jisun was whisked to whatever private area they stumbled across first. The spacious storage closet behind the first door he opened seemed like stumbling across the gates of heaven. With a swift turn, he flashes Jisun a smirk and pulls her in.
“Have you seen Beomgyu yet?” You probe, trying to look casual and not let your genuine inquiry slip through. You’re realizing the longer you’ve gone without seeing him today that you may crave more than just a quickie. A flash of his signature smirk passes through your mind and your stomach fills with a joyous warmth. You find yourself smiling. You quickly drop the smile, peering at Soobin as he stares at the ceiling.
“Not yet. I decided not to look for him and just let him relax. This party is for him after all.” He speaks quietly and you can tell there’s a lot more going unsaid. “For all we know he might not be here.” You laugh, having to force it as this feeling you can’t– or won’t– describe dawns on you. Soobin sighs, not able to shake the conflict in his head.
“I don’t know what’s going on with this man. I don’t know how to get him to talk about it-” He stops, raising his hands as if the gesture will help him conjure his thoughts. He shuts his mouth, dropping his hands in favor of grabbing a shot and downing it. “Has he said anything to you? About anything bothering him?”
“To me? Yeah, that’s not really how our relationship works.” You shake your head, tossing your own shot back to try and dull the emotions begging to be unpacked. Is something bothering him? When is something not bothering him? Now that you think about it, you haven’t seen goofy Beomgyu with your own eyes. You’ve just heard about his harmless mischief through the grapevine. “Loveable brat” is how you overheard Chaewon describe him. You didn’t really get either descriptor at first. More like “punchable asshole”. Without the constant screaming and threatening to ruin the other’s career, you suppose you’re getting close to seeing that side of him. The night before he slept over you shared a kiss that was simple. So simple it was loaded. There was no lust behind it, just a tender gesture with no follow up. Just you waking up holding him. And him holding you.
“Did something happen?” You ask before chewing on your nail.
“Around when we first debuted. I haven’t thought about it in years because he refuses to talk about it. I really don’t think this is just about him wanting to protect us.” Soobin shoves his shot glass away, seemingly giving up on that method since it doesn’t appear to be working.
“Boy, aren’t you glad you got stuck with these guys?” You laugh and he lets one out as well, though unintentionally. He shakes his head, straightening his face. “No, I am. I really am. I’m lucky.” He knows you’re joking, but it doesn’t settle well when he remembers how he’s been acting. Beomgyu’s supposed leader giving him the silent treatment like a child or a frustrated lover. He sighs, letting out another laugh. This time it’s dry, expressing contempt for himself.
“I’m not really in the mood for a party anymore.”
Beomgyu did not ruin your career but he did ruin the mood for both of you and he wasn’t even there. You echoed his sentiments and he convinces you to come over. It wasn’t very hard, seeing as you could both use the company. There are no other members home yet so you didn’t have to share the blanket. You had it wrapped around the both of you like a cocoon as you tortured him with a scary movie.
“We could’ve been watching The Bad Guys and-” Soobin wails loudly right beside your ear at the world’s most poorly set up jumpscare making you jerk away from him. He clings to you but you pry him off immediately.
“Are you not ashamed? A baby could sit through this.” You deride, shoving him away again when he tries to lean into you. “You’re so mean!” He erupts after trying to grab onto you a third time.
“No, you’re just a pussy.”
Soobin stands from the couch and snatches the remote from the other side of you. He pauses the movie, ignoring your protesting. “Since when were you so comfortable with disrespecting me?” He scolds playfully, setting his hands on his hips. “Last I remember, I was still your senior.”
“Would you rather I kiss your ass like before?” You cock your head to the side with a raise of your eyebrow, speaking about your former crush for the first time to him outside of the initial awkward phase after the rooftop mishap. He finally collects himself, fighting through his shock. He sits back beside you, keeping his eyes on you as he wraps the blanket back around you.
“I like this version of you much better.” He admits quietly, eyes genuine as they gaze into yours. You breathe a small laugh.
“Don’t tell me you’ve got a crush now, Choi.” You reply at the same volume. The atmosphere felt a lot more volatile suddenly, it was as if you both were close to triggering something.
“You’re getting ahead of yourself.” His eyes leave yours, giving you a little time to breathe. “I am turned on, though.”
Your pussy clenches hard, feeling a vortex of pleasure swirl in your stomach. You suck in a breath subconsciously as your eyes become glued to how his tongue skits over his bottom lip. He must be wetting them in an attempt to maintain their softness, unlike Beomgyu who bites at them until they’re utterly ruined. Kind of like he’s doing now back at the party. He just needs some way to cope with the pulsing need overwhelming him when he needs to empty his balls. With two handfuls of Jisun’s tits, he gets a similar feeling. His teeth dig and tug at his poor bottom lip. Better it be his lip than her soft skin. He needs to remember this isn’t you he’s playing with.
Fuck, if it were you he’d sink his nails in until you yelped. Feeling his cock jump at the sound and ache at the thought of you loving the pain as much as he loves inflicting it. That delicious look in your eye exposing how much you want to absolutely ruin him in a way no one has before.
But the look you give Soobin gives Soobin pause. He raises his eyebrows before leaning back, letting his head fall back onto the couch. “You don’t still have a crush on me, do you?”
His eyes are like hot fudge drizzling over a mound of ice cream, melting every inch it touches. Still, something nags at you. You need something inside you and you need it bad… but this should be affecting you much more. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”
His eyes dip lower, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth. Nag nag nag. It’s just dick, you tell yourself. You just need some hard sex and this feeling will go away. You grab Soobin by his shirt and pull him on top of you. He happily engulfs you with his large body, caging you in as he devours your lips. They’re still slick with his own spit. They squish and slide against yours and your body ignites. You wrap your legs around him and push his bulge into your core. He groans and you grin against his mouth. So vocal.
Beomgyu would say the same about Jisun, except it wouldn’t be praise. It’s just noise with no rhyme or reason. She’s not reacting to the curl of his fingers inside her, her moans don't correspond with the clench of her walls, there’s no sign she’s being caught off guard by anything he’s doing. Just. Noise.
Everything about her just dissolves into meaningless blobs of nothing. His fingers sloshing inside a wet cavern, his hands squeezing doughy flesh, and his lips brushing against mindless flaps that omit noise constantly. It quickly becomes mind-numbing and he can feel himself going limp. If you were here instead, you’d gasp when he pushed his fingertips into your bundle of nerves. Not meaning to dig your fingers into his shoulders but not being able to help how your body naturally reacts. You don’t want to whimper when he sucks on that sweet spot on your neck but you just can’t help it.
He can feel himself get hard again, his fingers curling and pushing into Jisun’s heat fluidly with you vivid behind his clenched lids. Where are you? He’s suddenly pulled out of the heated moment he’s sharing as the question pops into his mind. If he searched for you, could he be inside you right now instead? Jisun’s noises pull him from his thoughts. How pathetic would it be for him to scramble out of the closet, pussy juice still on his middle and ring finger as he looks for you with his eyes wide like a puppy? First he cuddles you and spends the night at your house and then you see him like that? His eyes snap open.
He grunts, pumping his fingers with more vigor. He has a warm hole for tonight. There’s always tomorrow. That frustrating feeling of the intoxicating warmth leaving his groin as you dissipate from his mind is back and he chases it again. The image of Jisun’s exaggerated expressions flicker away behind his fluttering lids before his mind projects your face twitching to keep your bliss hidden. Pleasure so strong that even the raging flames of hatred can’t burn it away.
A penis entering a vagina was something you were taught was reserved for the pinnacle of love. When you were old enough you were promised tender touches and emotions so deep and complex they would bring you to tears. You and Beomgyu were swept up into the limelight long before you could get a chance to naturally build up such a relationship and experience such a transcendental feeling. Instead, the two of you bastardized the act with one night stands and relationships built on flimsy foundations only to come crashing down from neglect or simply not knowing who was under your sacred roof. How could you not? There’s no time, too much stress, and too much at stake.
So you fuck and fuck until the act becomes something so unrecognizable that you come out the other end. Letting someone tear at your flesh and tamper with your spirit as they touch you the way someone you love should. Yet here you are with someone who would treat you right, someone who you longed for for so long, someone who holds you like you’re porcelain with passion still flowing through every action. You should be falling head over heels again. Your crush should be flooding back with crashing waves wrecking everything in its wake until nothing is left but your undying need for Soobin. But no. He mouths your neck as he thrusts shallowing, checking in to make sure he’s not hurting you.
Everyone who taught you about how sex would feel were right about one thing. You were brought to tears.
“Beomgyu.” You blubber shamefully, gritting your teeth before hiccupping. You fail to suppress it. Everything becomes a blur as tears stream down your face. The self-pity numbs you beyond repair.
Your name leaving Beomgyu’s lips doesn’t feel real. He only realizes what he’s done after Jisun’s warmth is gone. He opens his eyes and she has moved as far away from him as she possibly can in the confined space. Her angry words don’t register as she fixes herself and storms out, brushing his shoulder on her way. Once he was old enough, Beomgyu was taught a little differently. His father would wait until his mother left the room to get filthy about it, wiggling his eyebrows. His friends would boast and fantasize lewdly in the back of the classroom about it. The pinnacle of sex was supposed to be casual with beautiful women. The only hate sex guys his age fantasized about were low-stakes scenarios you only see in porn. What the two of you had? No one with any ounce of self-preservation would touch this with a ten foot pole. They’d call you “psycho”, block your number, and avoid you like the plague.
Not daydream about you while experiencing a man’s definition of the pinnacle of sex.
-🖊️⇝
Soobin is a saint. He waited patiently for you to calm down, holding you and rubbing your back. He didn’t complain about his lack of finishing once and didn’t make you feel awkward. He just giggled at your swollen face after you finished. You sat quietly on the couch, staring at whatever movie had auto-played.
“You guys are very similar, you know?”
The urge to start crying again chokes you and you swallow it down. “Soobin, that's a horrible thing to say.” You sigh.
He laughs loudly, trying to stifle his overflowing amusement after seeing your eyes get glassy again. “That’s why you hate each other so much I think.” He says once the humor subsides.
“I hate him because he was horrible to me.” You correct, unable to suppress the annoyance flaring up at his ignorant assumption.
“He was horrible to you, right?” He looks over at you, looking back at the tv once he sees your stone-like expression. “But you still resent each other despite you guys not being at each other’s throats for about a month now.”
“Because I’m wary. He’s wary. We both are constantly remembering something horrible we did to one another.” You suck in a breath, ready to vent about all the ways he’s scarred your skin with proof, but which ones were the ones you encouraged? It didn’t feel appropriate to lie or guess no matter how much you wanted to. Fuck, you wanted to scream about Beomgyu and how much you should hate him. You whimper, resting your face in your hands. “What’s wrong with me?”
Soobin doesn’t answer, leaving you with your own thoughts. You find yourself appreciating the silence.
“Do you love him?”
Numb and hollow… yet throbbing and infected. The space between the skin of your forehead and the bone of your skull felt like it was swimming with complicated activity as your brain echoed the devastating question. Not because the answer was yes but because it had to be answered at all. You raise your head slowly from shaking hands before standing from the couch.
“I’m going to sleep.”
-🖊️⇝
Waking up that morning for both of you was somehow more loaded than waking up in each other’s arms. You couldn’t be with each other or away. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t simple anymore and the complication of it all was starting to get exhausting. You slip from beneath Soobin’s arm, careful not to wake him. Beomgyu trudges out of his bed, feet plodding heavily toward his door. Both doors close simultaneously with a dull, echoing thud, neither noticing the other as you both stand in silence. It’s only when you start to move that Beomgyu notices you. His chest rises slightly with a small gasp. There you are.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming.”
For a second your eyes meet his and there’s a flicker of something that excites him. You straighten up. “I was with Soobin.”
“But you could’ve been with me.” Beomgyu can feel himself get worked up at just the thought of something that actually gets him going.
“Believe it or not,” You draw nearer and Beomgyu’s eyes are locked onto your lips as they part. You lean in and the warmth of your proximity ceases his breathing “he kept me company.”
It felt like slow motion when you pulled away and winked at Beomgyu. A gesture that should’ve been harmless and maybe even cute made Beomgyu feel like hot curdled liquid was crawling down his throat.
Once you pull back Beomgyu’s expression hardens. His eyes prick you like needles. “What?”
His tone and glare make you flinch. Your smirk flickers away. This is usually how it starts, but a part of you just wanted to cut out all the bullshit and get to the part where he makes you scream his name. But the look in his eye… something’s different. Something’s wrong.
“I-I had a little fun with Soobin. It didn’t really go far though because I…” You choke on your words, feeling your heart throb when he tore his eyes away. He couldn’t read your mind but you couldn’t stop yourself from believing he somehow sniffed out the pitiful truth.
Beomgyu laughs dryly and each moment without proper words made you feel like screaming. Beomgyu flexes his hands, avoiding your eyes while he cracks his knuckles. He balls them into tight fists before staring at you with a level of fury that makes your blood run cold. “I fucking knew it.”
The words struggle to leave his lips as if they had to pass through a filter of his growing disdain for you. Quiet, yet still piercing enough to get you stammering. “Y-you can’t be serious. You’re not seriously talking about what I think you are right now are you?!”
And just like that the two of you are back to square one. Everything that happened in the last two months, hell, the last 48 hours feel like they mean nothing. Why would they? It’s Beomgyu’s fault for letting things get the way they are. Beomgyu feels this nauseating sensation curdle in his stomach and it’s strong. So strong it forces a lie out of him.
“I’m just trying to protect my members. God– is that a crime or something? Why am I the bad guy? You’re not gonna get away with using us like toys. Maybe you’ll have better luck whoring around Enhypen.” He spits out the words, hating the way they taste. This is your guys’ dynamic, right? Now you’ll start throwing things and screaming at him.
But nothing comes and Beomgyu realizes he hasn’t been looking at you. At what point he looked away again, he wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t get himself to make eye contact again. The lack of response clouds his lungs, a stabbing pain screaming in his temples.
After the silence suffocates him to near death he finally manages to look at you. He has to muster all his strength, but he does. And you’re crying. His body feels hollow. No arousal or sadistic pleasure is derived from this. He can’t even feign it.
Still, the silence won’t let up and as if to punish him, his body won’t let him look away. As if two hands are holding his head in place and as a sinister voice hisses in his ears.
LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.
How much time passes, he’s not sure. Enough time for him to realize how much chaos and stress he’s caused to his leader, his members, his company, and to an innocent person with an innocent crush.
More tears well and skit from your cheekbones straight to the carpet beneath both your feet. Darkening the fabric. The words you’ve been choking on finally release, though they sound frail and strangled. “Beomgyu. I don’t know how else to get through to you. I care about Soobin. Fuck…” You don’t attempt to wipe the tears away or cease them in any way. Your head falls as if your neck can no longer support it. “I was starting to care about you.”
Hostile would be putting it lightly. The activity in your brain and heart is like a dozen hornet’s nests being shaken and preparing to erupt, one for each emotion reaching its peak. You grit your teeth so hard you think they’ll crumble under the pressure.
“You wanna know something? The only person hurting someone by turning on them is you.” You hate the implications this leaves but your thoughts and emotions are on overdrive and you need to leave before it gets any uglier. “I’ll respect your wishes. Friends aren’t worth dealing with this, I’d rather be alone. Just promise me you won’t involve my career in your bullshit this time.”
As you storm away, barely able to look that man in the eye you realize this. This is what you were wary of the entire time. It wasn’t him ruining your career or biting you until he draws blood or turning your friends against you. It was this feeling you were experiencing. Pain so deep you’d almost call it heartbreak. However, it wasn’t earned from time spent with someone who cherished you and made you feel like you were worth something. All this heartache…
You let him do unspeakable things to you. You let him hurt you in ways you would’ve never let anyone else. You welcomed it.
In an alternate reality, you’d be kicked out of your company, stuck with a damning reputation, and banned from the only true friends you had. The man who would’ve caused all that turmoil in your life, with the intent to cause that harm, is the same one who your heart is aching for.
-🖊️⇝
The curtains across the room have become blurry blobs of color after being stuck staring in that direction for what felt like too long. You had to start, if you’re late sending this video in then there will be another crack. You manage to squeeze your eyes shut and jump start your brain once again from its brief hiatus.
The inhale you suck in shudders beyond your control. The more time that passes with that song out in the open for anyone to hear, the less you can hide your anxiety. You hold your breath until it hurts before blowing out a rushed gust of wind. You’re stagnant again, and before your brain can shut down for one more sweet break you force a smile and hit record.
“Hello precious moonbeams!~ I hope you’re all doing well. Thank you for all the support on Strawberry Jam. I was so worried!” You pout. “It’s a bit of a weird song, right? It’s very different from Laude so I was scared you guys wouldn’t like it. But… wow. The support is…” Sincerity bleeds through as you reflect on traversing your favorite store and then hearing your voice through the speakers.
“Pierce me, Bruise me, keep going until you see strawberry jam”
Your blood runs cold, and your eyes snap up as if you’re being caught saying something you didn’t mean to be publicized. A couple of passersby whisper or stare or gasp. You run out of the store.
Before you can get too sincere you force the smile back in place. “It’s overwhelming. Seriously.” Your eyes get glassy and you chew on your lip. “Thank you.”
All the cracks that have reared their ugly head so far have been mostly forgotten because of the overnight success of your first comeback. Your debut was deemed a flop in comparison to your colleagues, so this was absolutely necessary. It was mandatory. You finally feel like you’re making progress digging out of this deep hole.
There are signs your company still doesn’t fully trust you.
The first big sign was the debut delays. You were sure they were going to cancel it and that they saw you as a risk. The cracks were treacherous. Then you debuted and the reception was lukewarm. You sat in limbo for days, reading negative comments until your head span. A piece chips off revealing an inky black abyss.
Then you heard your comeback song. Instead of classy and subdued like your debut, this song was hard to swallow. It was asymmetrical and loud. It was raunchy.
“What do you think?”
You sat in silence, jaw dropped open, a truck sized lump in your throat. You could hear the sound of cracking. But why? This song was a clear hit. You could hear another idol performing it well.
But it’s yours.
“Ready to record?”
You nod, hoping that will become true with time.
The track plays and your fears ease a bit. You bob your head to the beat. Everything goes fine until the same lyrics that struggle to come out of your mouth approach. You power through. You need this.
“I should hate it but I don’t”
This will be a hit, you can get through this.
You continue powering through but the dread builds and builds. You hate this line, you hate it so much. Your breath gets caught in your throat right before it’s time and you know you’re about to choke.
“Can’t promise I won’t cry but I…” You sigh and drop your head. You already knew it was coming when they ask you to do it again.
“Can’t promise I won’t cry but I-I know that you like that…”
CRACK
The producer slides his headphones off with a chuckle. “I know. It’s weird, right?” He winces as if he’s mirroring your assumed feelings on the matter. He’s half right. It’s obscene and you hate it. You hate it so much.
“I’m sorry, let’s go again.”
The track replaying is like a death march. Your throat bobs, doing little to refresh your throat that feels like it’s filled with cactus needles and glass.
“Can’t promise I won’t cry but I know that you like that-”
The line processes in your mind and you connect it to the past despite avoiding doing so as if your life depends on it. You reflect on all the times he’s brought you to tears. How hot they felt rushing from your eyes after you frustratingly kissed him for the first time. How helpless and pathetic you felt crying as he restrained your wrists, only to spray you in his seed mockingly. And most frustratingly of all, you crying while revealing that you actually cared about him after he did exactly what you knew he would.
CRACK
The calls of your name are muffled as flashes of his face refuse to leave. You grit your teeth, feeling a frightening level of rage familiarly build up inside you. “I hate him.”
You rush out of the recording booth, mortified as tears stream down your face. He’s done it again. He isn’t even here and he’s done it again. If he could see you right now he’d probably smile. It would probably brighten his day. And you welcomed that monster into your bed.
You’re all the way back home once you realize what you’ve done. The producer is probably calling your manager who is calling the CEO about how much of a pain in the ass you are. You need to get yourself together quickly and get back there. You run to your bathroom and look in the mirror. You plant your shaky hands on the sink
“I’m…”
Your voice wavers. Your resolve dissipates as you stare at the cracks that have transferred to your very visage. A shard dangles where your eye resides before falling away. Again, the black nothingness is left behind and you’ve already forgotten what your face normally looks like.
Your phone starts to buzz and you slowly fade back to reality.
-🖊️⇝
“I have no clue who that is. Why can’t we collab with a Korean artist?” Beomgyu mutters. Soobin grits his teeth and elbows him. He rolls his eyes despite the instant regret. It takes only a minute of fading into the background as the other guys engage in productive conversation for the guilt to fully bloom. On one couch there were four employees and one temperamental child.
No matter where he goes he feels this way. The guys don’t bring girls to the dorm anymore. If they go out to see one, they nervously lie about it and rush out of the door.
Anytime they bring up a memory tainted with you, Beomgyu is greeted with shocked silence and finds four panicked eyes on him like they’re afraid they’ve poked a tiger.
All those posters, cardboard cutouts, and billboards that are fucking everywhere are like land mines. To anyone else it would be comical to watch four grown, big ass men tiptoeing around a mall like one wrong step will blow their leg clean off.
And the song.
Beomgyu… he is really trying to get better. If he didn’t attempt to, Soobin would probably choke him out. He’s been very patient, but anyone in his shoes would be exasperated. When they’re in public or in a meeting and Beomgyu is being a menace is one thing, Soobin lets him know then and there that he’s serious.
However, when they’re alone, it’s strangely peaceful. He asks Beomgyu about his day and his mental and emotional state. He hasn’t brought you up for a while now. Tomorrow will make 6 months.
Tomorrow comes, Beomgyu’s indifference is slipping. While everyone else walked on eggshells, Beomgyu coasted through the situation like nothing happened. But somehow, the fact that the boys are becoming more accustomed to not bringing you up is bothering him. He only sees you through screens or your likeness plastered on paper or cardboard.
The last time you physically entered his vision was during your goodbye stage of your debut promotions. It was a brief glimpse but it was enough to show you weren’t doing well. It was an image burned into his memory. None of the photo shoots could replace it. Even longer before that was the last time the two of you made physical contact. The feeling of holding you in your bed is long gone. Everything about you feels like a ghost now.
“Here he is!” Beomgyu looks up from his phone he wasn’t really looking at anyway to see Soobin walking over with some girl. Beomgyu slides down his mask to present the girl with a tight smile and bow.
“This is Jiwon from Cherry Bullet.”
“Hello.” Jiwon bows with a bright smile and somehow the common gesture illustrates just how efficient of a person she is. He has no clue what a cherry bullet is but something tells him she’s a stellar idol. But why was she talking to him? Beomgyu looks up at Soobin’s phony wide smile before getting distracted by the rest of his members frantically trying to stop what’s happening. Yeonjun tugs Soobin to the side, jaw jutting forward as he grits something out Beomgyu can’t quite decipher.
“I’ve heard people refer to you as a video game protagonist.” Beomgyu’s attention is ripped away from his members as Jiwon speaks again with a little more hesitance this time. What, does she think he’s a ticking time bomb too?
“What?”
“Your visuals.” She clarifies, seeming a little more relaxed now. “Now that I see you in real life I can say I see it too. I didn’t know before but I think that’s my style.” She looks down, still appearing resolute despite the shy action.
“I don’t usually do things like this, I value my job and image, but I was just so curious about you. I felt a bit weird asking Soobin to introduce me to you but…” As if she realizes she’s been having a one-sided conversation, she stops herself and looks at Beomgyu expectantly.
Every so often, Beomgyu catches wind of a rumor going around about himself. Whether it’s someone he’s cool with reporting back to him or rookies being way too loud and excitable. He supposes every idol experiences this, and most likely they’re as indifferent as he is. He’s a former thug, he’s gay, he’s fucking an executive, and the biggest one:
He’s a womanizer.
That one sometimes goes hand in hand with the thug one, but it’s mostly referring to his current idol lifestyle. He doesn’t know how it happened. He hasn’t been in a relationship since Hyesoo. He couldn’t be one if he tried. He lets his emotions get in the way. A part of him wishes it were true. Maybe he would stop craving nails raking into the flesh of his back or bite marks on his bottom lip and shoulders. Maybe he would stop waking up with soiled sheets because he has dreams about being ridden long after he’s already cum.
Of course now he’s thinking of you, despite chatting it up with Jiwoo– or no, Ji…
You’re probably getting relief every other day with how famous you are now. If you even have the time. In that case, you’re probably locking you and some guy in dressing rooms, closets, anywhere you can get privacy for a quickie.
But no… you’re not like that. You only let Beomgyu see the deepest, darkest parts of you because you were pushed to do so. Beomgyu’s face goes slack, staring deep into space. You hated him so much that you didn’t care about bearing the ugliest side of you to him. Gnashing your teeth with your shirt a tangled mess over your torso after you gave up on taking it off. Saying the most venomous things Beomgyu’s ever heard while milking him for all he’s got. Even after things cooled a bit, you would let him touch and taste you before you even showered. Opening the door to let him in with stains all over your shirt and leftover makeup from the day before.
“I thought about jumping off the roof at practice while I was on my break.” You had said to him after couch sex. You guys were watching Community and eating ice cream. You were just joking about one of the characters being dumb. Beomgyu had looked at you, completely bewildered.
“Isn’t this what you wanted? What you’ve been waiting for?” He asks incredulously.
You sigh dramatically.
“Yeah, but I’m so fucking hungry. My body aches and my hands shake so much I can barely hold a pen to write my own name. I made a mistake and my instructor cussed at me and called me useless.” You laughed sharply before letting your head droop over to face him. “D’you know they delayed my fucking debut again? Before I thought about offing myself I imagined slitting my manager’s throat and bludgeoning the dance instructor to death and stripping down so I could smear both their blood all over me until it covered every inch of my skin. It was so brief but so so vivid.” You rushed out the words in a crazed fashion and you looked at him with wide eyes. You smile. “Then I imagined you coming in, we had sex and then I strangled you until your eyes bulged out–” You catch your breath and look back at the tv. You looked down at your hand and groaned. Your ice cream had melted over your trembling hand.
“Fuck it–” You rush over to the trash can and chuck it before aggressively wiping off your hand with a tattered kitchen towel. You stomp over to the fridge and take out one of the multiple spoiled bags of salad mix and dump it in the trash to cover up the tossed ice cream. You throw a glance at him.
“Make sure you eat that all or cover your tracks if you throw it away.” You mutter, finding your voice wavering suddenly. You sniffle, slamming down on the couch. You refuse to look over at him as tears break free from your eyes. You feel him move closer to you on the couch and you grit your teeth. His hand curls around the column of your throat but he doesn’t apply pressure.
“I imagined killing my manager once too.”
You peer over at him, he’s looking down, his thick lashes on display. “Except I stabbed him over and over and over until he was an unrecognizable mound of mush. You’re right, it flashed by so fast. I was so sickened by it I pretended it never crossed my mind. Yet here we are…” He finally looks up with a smirk. He finally applies the pressure and you inhale a shuddering breath.
He moves his lips next to your ear, his breath fanning on it making you shiver. “Does it hurt?”
Immediately understanding what he meant you nod feverishly.
“I’ll distract you.” He answers quickly before swinging his leg over and resting his knee on your thigh. He sits all his weight on your thigh and he squeezes your throat. He repeats it again breathily as he stares down at you wistfully. Your strangled whimpers get him straining against his jeans.
“I-I…” You find yourself speaking against your will. No… this isn’t how this went. He squeezes again and you moan. You want to clench your thighs but his knee is pinning your leg down. You can’t think, it’s perfect. Still, you find your mouth moving. No! There were no more words exchanged after this. You fucked again and he slept over.
“I-I’m so lonely,” Your voice quivers before you begin sobbing uncontrollably. When you open your eyes and blink away your tears you see a twisted wide grin on his face. His eyes are wild. You tremble in fear, unable to speak anymore. No no no no no no no…
“I fucking knew it.”
You gasp for air, it feels like he’s crushing your windpipe.
“Just a sad, lonely, nobody coming to mooch off of us. Pitiful. You want friends? Huh?” You feel blood rushing up to your face. “Too bad. You don’t deserve love. No one fucking likes you and no one ever will. I’ll do you a favor.”
Almost as if he’s beating you to what you briefly daydreamt about, he applies his other hand and you want to scream. Your ears start ringing and you feel something warm trickle from your ears and all of a sudden there’s a bright light and a piercing noise–
You jolt up from your bed, continuing to sob like you did in your nightmare. You stumble out, nearly tripping as you reach to turn the light on. After doing so you slide down against the wall. Sobbing until your chest hurt and you had no air left in your lungs.
-🖊️⇝
There’s no doubt this song has gotten you some perverse comments and unwanted attention, but it must also get you positive attention too. He’s never seen you hang out with anyone else besides the guys but surely you have an entourage by now. Guys lining up to treat you right. Ones you wouldn’t feel are deplorable enough to casually bring up your murder fantasies to.
“Gyu?”
Jiwon has that confused tone in her voice. God, he tuned her out by accident again.
“Are you okay? It seems like you’ve been zoning out a lot.” She sounds cautious again. Beomgyu can tell that she’s trying to avoid what might set him off. Did Soobin tell her about you? How he’s just a screaming match waiting to happen?
“To be fair, I’ve had a lot to think about recently.” Beomgyu gives her a look, he knows she’s aware of what he’s referring to. Her awareness is becoming increasingly obvious.
She sits down beside him in the other folding chair backstage. Not dissimilar to when they first met. Even more similar, he notices his members frantically whispering to each other while looking at him.
“Are you still feeling bothered by that?” Jiwon places a hand on his but it doesn’t pull his attention away. Suddenly Kai is casting a fearful look to his right. Beomgyu, already feeling something stirring in his stomach follows his eyeline.
A pair of black docs accented with black opaque hosiery that almost stop where your red skirt starts. The skirt looks tattered, purposefully so. It’s asymmetrical and overlapped by a black, intricately designed corset top. Your hands that are running through your hair are donned in a red, loosely fitted pair of sheer gloves. Once your arms stop shielding your face and you lift your head, Beomgyu sees your mascara running. His stomach drops.
The stylist scolds you and quickly tries to fix the mess. You don’t react at all, face stone cold. Maybe you just had a bad day, Beomgyu thinks.
It’s cliche, but it never stops shocking you how blinding the stage lights are. They glint sharply, feeling like they’ve sliced your eyes. You shut them, only to quickly open them once you remember people can see you. You force a smile on your face, not caring if it looks like you have a gun to your head. This is all you have left.
The bright light nearly pricks tears back to your eyes but you hold them back just like you hold back the thoughts of the texts your parents sent you this morning. You don’t want to perform today, the last thing you want to do is sing this song that is now ruining relationships. However, now this is truly all you have left. So you flip the switch as soon as the music starts and don’t turn it off until it’s safe to cry again.
You almost melt away on your couch when a knock startles you. You race to the door, thinking it may be your manager. A part of you still expects her to scold you about something she found out. It’s been months but you still fear Beomgyu saying something. A shaking hand pulls open the door.
Myungsoo smirks lazily. Kim Myungsoo. You have to pinch yourself still, despite it being a month now since he first spoke to you. You’re used to people speaking to you first by now. You’d rather they stick around, hang out with you, but that never happens. When he came up and asked you about your song, you were positive you’d probably never see him again. A man you used to have posters of slipping right through your fingers. But then he suddenly stayed put.
“What’re you up to?” He asks before widening his smile. Your heart flutters.
“I was going to take a nap.” You say quietly, very much distracted. Him brushing some of your hair behind your ear doesn’t help.
He waits a beat as he presses his lips into a thin line. “Need help?”
Your heart drums against your rib cage, it almost hurts how much you need it. He’s been teasing you during this exciting yet excruciating month. Hinting that he wants to fuck you but never doing it. You nearly came when he put his hand on your thigh last week.
Now his hand is there again, and it takes every ounce of strength you have to not lift your hips and coax him to where it hurts. He insisted on leaving the television off so you can’t even pretend not to have your full attention on him.
“C’mere.” He whispers, his voice so warm it melts you. You scoot over and lean your head on his shoulder. You guys stay like that and you’re content– you really are… but it’s becoming increasingly more difficult not to shove his hand down your pants. You don’t know how long it’s been but your body is screaming at you. He should’ve been inside you already, you guys should have been done with your first round actually. Your impatience gets the best of you and you look up at him. He raises his eyebrows questioningly.
“Take a nap. Isn’t that what you said you were doing?”
You laugh dryly, too annoyed to take it back or be mortified at your outward display of your sexual frustration.
“Is something wrong?” He pouts his lips mockingly. You sit up from him but he pulls you back.
You let out a strained sigh. “I think I need to be alone to take a nap actually.”
“What, now you’re kicking me out? Did I do something wrong?” His cutesy act is nauseating right now. It pushes you to reveal how you actually feel.
“Aren’t you building us up to be just fuck buddies? Why are you beating around the bush?” You’re desperate, but it’s more than just being horny. At the moment you have no outlet for the overwhelming amounts of anxiety and growing depression. Despite what you had with Beomgyu being… what it was, you remember a wave of serenity after it was all said and done. You bickered as you got your clothes back on but then he left and your body was noticeably less tense.
“I never said anything about that. You know, you claim you had nothing to do with the song but I’m a little skeptical…” He traces shapes over your bare shoulder and you shrug it off with a scoff before sitting up. The annoyance was building towards being affronted, but you could feel something tingling like a spark crackling inside your stomach. It was back, a feeling you haven’t felt in quite a while.
“Excuse me?”
“I mean,” Myungsoo shifts toward you, “you’ve been practically begging to be fucked the minute we met. You’re not as subtle as you think.” His faux sympathy melts away once he sees fire glinting in your eyes. He can’t help but smile.
“Shut your fucking mouth.” You spit before mounting his lap and devouring his lips. This is it, there’s no mistaking it. But something’s missing…
Myungsoo sits there, barely moving his lips against yours. Your hands roam his entire body while his are still by his sides. You pull away, afraid that you were mistaken, but he’s smiling up at you. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before coaxing you to finish.
“You want it, don’t you?”
And so you strip your shirt off, the fabric pulled away to reveal your eyes blown wide with lust. You capture his lips again and it tastes so sweet. You nearly tremble after finally breaking through that barrier that never seems to leave. You feel powerful for the first time in months as you slide your hands under his shirt. You puff out a frustrated gust of air before sliding off his lap and kneeling before him. You look up at him as you unzip his jeans. He smirks the entire time, lifting his hips to let you slide his jeans and underwear down. He exaggerates the movement of stretching his arms back and resting his hands behind his head. You falter, suddenly self conscious.
“What’s your deal?”
He answers quickly, somehow knowing exactly what you were referring to. “I dunno… maybe I’m just not feeling it yet.” He sighs, reaching for his flaccid member and stroking it disappointedly. “Look at it, so pitiful.”
You swat his hand away, feeling challenged by his words. You start with his balls, licking in between them before circling your tongue around each one. You glance up at him and his cock twitches. His smirk flickers away briefly to revel pleasure while looking at the determination in your eyes.
You’re just so happy to finally taste someone. The way a cock feels in your hands and on your tongue, so silky and soft. So sinfully beautiful when covered in thick globs of saliva. There is truly nothing like it. But again, there was something missing.
Anywhere you and Myungsoo were together turned into a new spot for you to fuck. You’d give him the eyes which he’d ignore. Then you’d touch him. Kiss him. Whisper in his ear. None of it worked until you were pulling him somewhere secluded. Even when you were at his place or him at yours. It was like pulling teeth. But whatever, foreplay for you and Beomgyu was degrading and threatening each other. This was nothing.
It didn’t stop at foreplay, though. Throughout the entire act he’d be so smug, never reacting to anything. Only small glimpses of pleasure could be caught, but if you blinked you could miss it. You find yourself fighting for his passion. However, it remained one-sided.
-🖊️⇝
Jiwon’s ministrations were soft, almost like they weren’t there. She had a pretty pair of lips but they were like feathers against his.
“Noona…” He whispered, brushing his nose against hers.
“Hm?” She barely pecks his lips. Beomgyu inhales deeply before grabbing the back of Jiwon’s head and deepening the kiss. She makes a muffled noise of surprise but her eyes slowly flutter shut. She melts into the kiss for a few lovely seconds before forcing herself to pull away. She clears her throat before grabbing both of Beomgyu’s hands.
“Let’s take it slow, okay?” Jiwon gives him a pleading look and he only groans inwardly. It’s been a minute, and Jiwon is not a woman you come across too often. And they actually have a relationship he can brag about, someone he could see himself marrying. She’s pristine.
“Why, you didn’t like it?” He smirks and she scoffs.
“I did, but I just think it’s better for us if we don’t rush things.”
Beomgyu tries really hard to hide the cynicism threatening to rear its ugly head. Jiwon was finally not walking on eggshells around him. He thinks long and hard about what he’s going to say and panics when he thinks he’s said the wrong thing.
“Fine. But a deeper kiss won’t kill us.” Beomgyu brushes away his train of thought before smiling.
It wasn’t long before Beomgyu and Jiwon made it official, only telling people they trusted and not risking visiting each other anywhere but their dorms. Even that takes several days of planning.
“How does it work? We’ve never been.” Taehyun says, leaning forward in anticipation.
Jiwon takes a moment to swallow her sip of tea and to think.
“This will be my second survival style show. I think that they’re not dissimilar to being a trainee, honestly. The ferocity of everyone around you is still there. This new one is a little less intense, though. I guess the stakes aren’t as high.” Once she finishes talking she takes another delicate sip of her tea. Beomgyu watches intently, admiring how elegant she is. It’s so effortless for her. She continues her mature conversation with his members but Beomgyu is completely checked out. There’s a lingering sour feeling prodding at him as he watches her. It makes his smile flicker away.
“Right Beomgyu?” Soobin elbows him and Beomgyu is finally broken out of his daze.
All Beomgyu’s plugs slowly enter each outlet. “Huh?”
“You were so social during our trainee days, it was hard for people to hate you.” Soobin says, making everyone chuckle.
“Even when they saw you as competition, no dice.” Yeonjun chimes in. It was fun to reminisce until it wasn’t. He was smiling again and it seemed to immediately go away the longer he thought about it. He’s been told this. That he’s unhateable. He’s too silly, a loveable brat. But you managed.
“He could never do wrong. We make a mistake and it would start a fight. Beomgyu would do the same thing and they would just brush it off.” Kai adds, and everyone laughs again except for Beomgyu who’s stuck staring in space, his water bottle static in his hands.
“That’s so true!” Someone gushes through the laughter.
“Funny how things change, huh?”
The room goes silent as Beomgyu takes a swig from his bottle.
Jiwon looks panicked before laughing nervously. “What do you mean? I’ve never laughed this much before meeting you, and the girls love when you come over. Not to mention having four members who love you. That’s rare, you know.”
Soobin claps before pointing at Jiwon. “That’s exactly right!”
“What else could you need?” Jiwon rubs Beomgyu’s back, making him realize that she’s not miles away from him like it feels she is. She’s right. So everything will eventually get better.
-🖊️⇝
“Let’s go to a karaoke bar next!” Eunchae ugly laughs in excitement, already running ahead with Kazuha chasing behind her. Yunjin loops her arm with Sakura before following the younger members, engaged in a personal conversation. On instinct, Chaewon follows close by, yelling for the younger members to slow down.
The five of them have a warm dynamic that’s so enticing. Their figures growing further, soaked in the various vibrant hues of neon signs. It was like a scene out of films you watch alone on your couch. It’s right there.
Freezing as if something dawned on her, Chaewon swiftly turns around to face you.
“You coming?” She shouts.
“Ugh, she never comes. Let’s just go.” Yunjin whines dismissively. Chaewon looks conflicted as her gaze switches between you both. You stretch your mouth into a thin line.
“I have to get home. I’ll text you.”
Chaewon wants to protest but when she looks back at her members, they’re much farther away than she thought. Then when she looks back at you, you’re already gone.
From the corner of the bar, you send texts back and forth. Your head slips off your fist and nearly slams into the table before you stop it. Just an hour before, you were here with a group of people. The memory feels like particles of dust floating through the air that you try to clutch in your fist.
“Are you okay? I think you’ve had enough for the night. Call a cab and go home.” The stern, motherly tone of the owner doesn’t offend you at all. You don’t get to answer before she’s off sweeping the other end of the restaurant. You let your body completely slump over, resting your upper body on the table.
A tsk barely pricks at your foggy brain. “What a mess.” Myungsoo sighs.
“Take me home oppa.” You giggle with your cheek squished against the table. He raises his brow at you and you raise your arms. He groans before picking you up from the table and holding you bridal style. You rest your head against his chest, feeling tired against his warmth. You’re just about to drift off to sleep when he’s placing you into the passenger’s seat. You whine in protest but he’s already shutting the door. The gentle car ride makes your lids heavier until they shut completely.
Myungsoo picking you up again has your eyes slowly lifting open. You watch his face as he carries you. His body heat is intoxicating. You can’t stop your eyes from flickering down at his lips. You don’t want to mount him like you usually do, you feel something deeper. Maybe there was a reason he took so long to let you have him at first.
He lets you down to unlock his door before taking you by the hand and leading you in. You’re cuddling on his bed, still unable to take your eyes off him. He’s caught you a couple times and all he does is smile. This time his eyes linger on yours before whispering for you to come closer. You’re moving as soon as he says to, connecting your lips to his hungrily.
He smells and tastes so good. You trace your tongue over his bottom lip before pecking his mouth. He grins, letting out a warm, chesty chuckle.
“I love when you guys get like this.”
You laugh, a little confused. You peck him again. “You guys?”
He caresses the back of your neck before pulling you in for a deeper kiss. Your breath picks up as you climb on top of him, smashing your mouths together. He pulls away and whispers breathily in your ear.
“You have that twinkle in your eye. You need me. All you think of is me.”
You shudder, grinding down on him. You trail kisses all over his neck as he continues.
“If I were to leave, you’d be devastated.”
The thought makes you whimper, nipping at his neck. He hisses. “Stop it.” You say in a tiny voice. You feel his bulge grow more prominent.
“You’d do anything to please me, make me stay.” He moans through the sentence, bucking up into you. Your heart starts thumping, and the longer this goes on the more you realize it’s not because you’re turned on. You lift from him.
“I said stop.” Your face is hot. It’s right, he’s completely correct. You want to have your hands and lips on him at all times and your heart is constantly clenched by the fear that he doesn’t really care about you.
“What? Should I make you bleed instead?” He laughs.
Your chest constricts, your breath getting caught in your throat. Your lips tremble as you quirk your jaw trying to curb the anger bubbling up.
“What did you just say?”
“Babe.” He sits up on his forearms. “I’m just trying to rile you up a little bit. I’m just having a little fun.” He looks you up and down, he’s getting harder underneath you.
Right… this is something you’re familiar with. Something that could lead to even a moment of serenity. But it’s never that way with him. His eyes judge you and urge you to satisfy him. He doesn’t even have to say a word and you’re scrambling to make sure he’s pleased. You’re giving your all as he lazily lies beneath you, enjoying the show. Exuding passion with nothing in return is exhausting, that exhaustion finally dawning on you.
“Well I’m not.” You say before swinging your leg back over him. You slide out of his bed and start putting your clothes back on.
“Where are you going? Come on, you don’t actually want to leave.” He barely moves, just shifting a little to the side.
“I just need a little space for the night.” You hurriedly slip into your pants, wanting to leave instead of having this conversation.
“No you don’t. You need company like you need water.” His velvety smooth voice that once coaxed you into giving your all to him is gone. What’s left is harsh yet dismissive.
“You don’t know what I need, Myungsoo.” You shoot back, throwing your shirt on the bed.
“I know, everyone knows. You’re so lonely you walk around everywhere like a lost puppy but run away whenever anyone tries to get to know you. There’s a reason you were texting me and not your friends you were just drinking with. I’m all you have. So don’t be stupid.”
Just like that, the harsh lines in his face melt away and he’s back to smirking, patting the space beside him in the bed.
Is this what you deserve? They say you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. And he’s right. He’s so right, again. Maybe you should just sink into the warmth and turn your brain off. Turn on the switch to perform.
However, as you think, emotions build inside you. It feels like pressure behind your skull threatening to pop. Tears abruptly start gushing down your face as you grab your shirt and rush out of the door. You can’t stop the ugly noises from leaving you as you rush home in the cold night air.
By the time you’re in your own bed, your face and head hurt from the intensity of your sobs. There are no tears left as you continue to sob. It didn’t work. You were supposed to use him as an opportunity to take away some stress but somehow it’s worse. There’s nothing you can do. You’ll just have to live with this alone. Forever.
CRACK
-🖊️⇝
“I was so close but I didn’t make it.” Jiwon sighs dejectedly.
“I don’t know what they don’t see in you! I think you’re a great performer.” Kai laments.
“You did a great job.” Beomgyu rubs her hand and she instantly smiles.
“Thanks. And at the end of the day I still have my group and you guys.” Everyone gushes at her response.
Beomgyu’s mind wanders to the place it has been going frequently these days. He wonders what you’re doing. What it would be like if you were still friends with the members. If he didn’t make you cry. Would you be smiling as widely as Jiwon is even after failing?
“Look who’s lost in thought again.” Soobin pats Beomgyu’s back but he’s stuck. He’s nestled deep within thoughts of you.
“You know you could talk to us about anything, right?” Jiwon moves her hand to caress his. No. He doesn’t know this. In fact, he knows it’s not true.
“Why do you think she was crying that day?” Beomgyu doesn’t look up but the table goes quiet. The tension is lathered thick over the air. Jiwon laughs nervously.
“Wait, Beomgyu weren’t you just talking about–” Jiwon attempts to change the topic.
“You would think she’d be really happy right now.” He continues.
“Let’s not talk about this–” Jiwon tries but Beomgyu turns toward her.
“Didn’t you say I could talk to you guys about anything?”
“But Beomgyu… talking about her is only going to make you more upset.” Jiwon lowers her voice, going back to how cautious she was when they first met.
“Do I look upset? You guys are the ones acting like there’s a gun to your heads when she’s brought up.” Beomgyu resumes eating while everyone else is still frozen.
“Gyu. It’s because you should let go of her. It’ll be better for you.” Her hand that was once soothing on his now felt like an owner trying to calm their dog after someone knocked on the door.
“You don’t know what’s better for me.” Beomgyu grumbles.
Soobin stands abruptly. “Beomgyu, can we talk in the kitchen?”
“Gladly.” Beomgyu immediately follows the taller male out the dining room and down the hall. Before Soobin could start scolding him he had things to get off his chest first.
“Why did you introduce me to her in the first place?”
“She asked to meet you. She was interested.” Soobin expresses annoyedly.
“I’m sure plenty of girls have done that, why did you decide to do so for her.” Beomgyu probes.
“Because I knew her and trusted her.”
“Trusted her to be able to handle a project.” Beomgyu rushes out. And before Soobin can deny anything he’s rushing toward him with a finger pointed at his face. “I don’t need to be fixed.”
Soobin sighs, uneasy about how this conversation may go.
“You’re not broken, you’re hurt. Everyone gets hurt, Beomgyu. There’s nothing wrong with accepting help. We’re just trying to help you move on-”
“I don’t want to move on! You guys were so fucking anal about how I treated her and now you just pretend she doesn’t exist?” Beomgyu shouts furiously.
Soobin decides it’s better to just rip off the bandaid. There's no changing the truth.
“She’s gone. It’s been half a year and she’s made no attempt to reach out to any of us. It’s clear that part of our lives is over. Beomgyu, you need to focus on yourself right now. We can get through this together.” Soobin tries to coax a reasonable reaction out of Beomgyu but it doesn’t seem to be working. He’s only getting more worked up.
“Stop. Stop.” Beomgyu shoves his hands into his hair before gritting his teeth. “I’m so sick of everyone shoving me under a telescope. At least she never pried.”
“Are you insinuating that what you guys had was anything remotely healthy? Continuously hanging around someone who you despise that much isn’t good for either of you. I saw the marks all over her body.”
Beomgyu sees red, he’s grabbing Soobin’s collar before he could think it through.
“You shut your fucking mouth. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t know her like I do.” Beomgyu shoves him away, his glare hot like lava as he walks out of the room. Heading toward his bedroom he doesn’t see Jiwon on the other side of the doorway. She bites her fist as a tear trickles down her cheek.
“When’s Beomgyu coming over next?” Mao asks, switching to kneel on the couch toward a stone faced Jiwon. Jiwon takes in a quick breath, checking one last time if this is the right move.
“I don’t think he is.”
Mao and the other girls in the room all make a noise in surprise and crowd around Jiwon on the couch. “What the hell happened?” Haeyoon asked incredulously.
Jiwon lets out a small derisive laugh to pair with a tiny smirk as she drops her head. “He’s hung up over his ex.”
The girls all switch between comforting her and cursing him.
“Who’s the ex?” Chaerin asks angrily.
Jiwon thinks on it again. Fuck it.
“Do you know that song Strawberry Jam?”
-🖊️⇝
Something is unresolved. That much is clear as you both lay in your own rooms, tear stains on each of your pillows. And as long as it stays unresolved, you both will be unable to be loved.
You’ve denied four invitations to hang out with Chaewon, and you’re surprised she still asks. This month is a free schedule for you to rest after your song promotions are over.
Beomgyu either plays video games until his eyes are dry or lies in bed scrolling through social media. His members pop in to give him food.
Your stomach twists painfully as you watch tv in bed. The colors dance around blurrily as your eyes start to water again.
A month didn’t feel like a month, but you lost track of your days so it makes sense when your manager comes into your room.
“What’s that smell? Get up and take a shower. We’re going to go over this month’s schedule.” She shuts the door, trusting that you’ll follow orders. Even she used to be kinder to you. What’s the use of attempting to start relationships when they don’t work out. Even your own parents don’t talk to you anymore. You laugh hoarsely. The laughing grows louder and louder until you’re cackling.
You cackle in the shower as well. Is this what happens after you’ve cried so much tears don’t come out anymore?
Beomgyu regretted chasing away Jiwon the minute he did it. She had a similar hurt expression to you when he yelled at her to get out of his room. Look at how each of his relationships ended. Why the hell would Hyesoo stay with a guy like him. Beomgyu’s lip quivers before he’s crying into his pillow again.
You both carry out what’s scheduled for you numbly, so checked out neither of you can add anything valuable to any conversation.
“Remember how you signed up to be an MC? Well you got accepted! You can continue submitting songs for your next comeback but this should be your priority for now.” One of the women at the table inform you. Fuck, you did do that, didn’t you.
It turns out it’s pretty easy. Just smile and read your lines. It��s much easier to turn your MC switch on, it seems. You had even gotten comfortable with it. Your co-MC is friendly. Formal, but friendly. Everything was working out.
You lift up your cue card in the silence of your empty room.
“And here’s TXT with their new comeback...” Your enthusiasm wanes when you think about standing in a room with him again.
CRACK
It’ll be fine, just flip the switch.
You can feel that he’s there, everyone can feel the tension. The you that was involved with him is switched off right now. Right now you’re conducting an interview.
Beomgyu slowly fades to the background as you watch the other members, remembering the good memories you had together. Soobin does most of the talking which makes your chest unwittingly constrict. After this you’ll be all alone again.
The makeup artist finally gets done touching up your makeup and you get a moment to stew. Only a short moment as the other MC approaches.
“Hey, are you okay?”
The simple question forces your switch off. The two of you made eye contact at the end of the interview, and for some reason a whirlwind of emotions threatened to escape you. You’re not okay.
“It’s just, I know you have a past with Beomgyu.”
“Yeah–” You look up at him as your brain fog slowly dissipates. “What did you say?”
“I heard that you wrote Strawberry Jam about him and I…”
Everything silently shatters, the pieces remaining all clattering to the floor.
“Look at the back of her neck.” You whip your head around to see two idols whispering before looking shocked and scurrying away. You send a shaky hand to the back of your neck to cover it. Doing so makes your sleeve drop and reveal scratches on your arm. You begin hyperventilating as you scan your surroundings. Multiple people, staff, idols, everybody is whispering and looking at you. You block out the other MC yelling after you as you run out of the room.
Was it Myungsoo? Was he retaliating because you left him? You never mentioned Beomgyu though. No… it could only be one person. Tears stream down your face as you hunt for their dressing room. You pass a mirror on the way and get stuck staring at your void of a face. Only a pair of reddened, crazed eyes stare back. You refocus on your hunt and finally find their door. You swing it open and rush toward Beomgyu in a frenzy.
As you enter, everything around Beomgyu is a blur. The staff looking shocked, Yeonjun and Soobin jumping up to restrain you. And you. Your makeup is completely ruined with a look of utter fury on your face as you cock your hand back before striking him across the face. Time goes back to normal as the staff gasp. Beomgyu places a hand over his stinging flesh. It prickles, burning through his numbness. The initial impact of the slap was like a crack of lightning striking him. He feels a blur of emotions threatening to pour out.
“Why the fuck would you do that?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Yeonjun and Soobin had successfully restrained you but you thrash to get free. You curse and swipe at Beomgyu, yelling incoherently. Beomgyu slowly stands up and approaches you. Taehyun has to join and hold each arm when Beomgyu is in reaching distance.
“Let me go!” You shriek like a raging animal, trying to rip yourself free. You kick at him, your heels striking his shins and sending a piercing bout of pain up his legs.
“What the fuck are you doing?! Get away from her!” Soobin yells.
“Let her go.” Beomgyu yells over the commotion.
“What?! Why would–” Yeonjun starts but Soobin lets go.
“Just do it. Let him have her.” Soobin spits, scowling at the younger male whose eyes are still trained on you. Taehyun and Yeonjun let you go and you immediately slap him again.
“You just couldn’t help trying to ruin my career again? Do you really hate me that much after I gave you what you wanted?” You whisper shakily, your eyes wild as they take him in.
“Beomgyu… what did you do?” Kai’s voice is weak behind him.
Beomgyu takes your arm and pulls you out of the room. You yell for him to let you go and strike his arm. Each hit is like a jolt of clarity for Beomgyu, the pain an afterthought. He pulls you into an empty room where you begin banging your fists against his chest. He stumbles backward, slamming you against the door and shutting it.
He restrains your arms, squeezing them to keep them steady as you thrash again. “Why?! What else do you want?!”
“What did I do, he asked.” Beomgyu laughed. He throws his head against the door and laughs harder. You look on in utter disbelief.
“Is this funny to you?”
“What’s funny is that I didn’t do anything and somehow shit has still hit the fan. My members are questioning me again, you’re fucking hitting me again.” The amusement Beomgyu was expressing earlier is completely gone as he starts his rant.
“You told everyone that my song was about us!”
“I didn’t!” He shouts back.
“Then who did Beomgyu?!”
“I’m not the only person who knew about us.” Beomgyu yanks you closer by your arms. You finally manage to free your arms and you drive a finger into his chest.
“But you are the only person who has proven to be malicious enough to do something like this.”
“How do you know it’s not one of your friends? You’re all big and famous now, maybe you shouldn’t go around telling anyone your secrets.”
“I don’t have any friends anymore, Beomgyu!” You shout, your voice cracking as a lone tear rolls down your cheek. “Remember? You drove me away from my only friends. I didn’t go “whoring around Enhypen”. I have no one.” The last of the sentence shreds your throat. You run your hands over your face before pointing at him again. “I’m going through enough and you choose to fuck with me. This is all I have Beomgyu!” You pound both your fists against his chest and again you’re moving in slow motion. He can see it in your eyes. In how hard you clench your teeth. He can feel it each time you strike him.
“Why would you do it?” You sob.
“Slap me.”
You gape at him, chest rising and falling violently as you make up for the amount of air you lost.
Beomgyu is the one getting riled up now. “Do it. Slap me. Fucking do it–”
You strike him hard enough that the corner of his mouth splits.
“Do it again.”
Your hand is impacting his cheek as soon as his sentence ends.
“Again.”
You’re both breathing frantically as you slap him again and another time before he can even ask. He grabs your forearm and yanks you closer. “Do it. I know what you want. Fucking ruin me.”
You grab his face and pull his mouth to smash against yours. He lifts you up and you immediately wrap your legs around him. The taste of his tongue, his blood, it lights you up. All your emotions come flooding out as you grip his shirt and tear it apart. Your noses bump harshly against each other as he repositions you against the wall.
You can barely act on your urges with how intense Beomgyu’s actions are. Every ounce of passion you exude is given back to you tenfold. Within moments of letting you down you are both bare for each other.
Beomgyu’s skin being exposed is perfect for your nails dying to sink into it. You reach your arms under his that cage against the wall and slowly rake your fingernails down his back. He winces, letting out small noises of pain. The anger and sadness inside you has hit its peak. You’re so fucking angry, but the pained look on his face hurts.
You want to do something about your anger, but you still retract your hands and sink against the wall. Beomgyu looks at you confused before drawing closer. You shy away from him, whimpering as the bitter truth sets in.
Beomgyu didn’t force you to stop talking to Soobin. Beomgyu didn’t force you to ghost your friends. Beomgyu isn’t the cause of your loneliness.
It’s you.
He reaches out to touch you but you push him away. His saddened eyes make you ache which in turn makes you more angry. But you can no longer bring yourself to hit him. A surge of rage sends your own hand across your face. The sting is distracting, it’s something. You strike your other cheek harder and Beomgyu stops you before you can do it again.
“No.” He takes your hand and pulls it near his face. Your eyes follow your hand as it closes in on him.
“Hit me.”
Your eyes move slowly towards his lips as they form the words, then up to his dark, big eyes. They’re swarming with depth and emotion. You take in his entire face, reddened by your hand. Lips swollen from your mouth. Hair tousled in the chaos. You see him.
You thought tears would be a rare occurrence by now, but there goes another, skitting from your cheekbone to the floor. You smile bitterly.
“I can’t.”
The gleam of your tears brings life to your otherwise tired eyes. He wants to question why, to wallow in self pity with his own delusional reasoning. But no, in your face is all the answers he needs. The same reason he hasn’t hurt you once this entire time. You sigh, letting your head fall, your eyes darkening as they close.
“I don’t know what else to do.” You express weakly.
Seeing you tremble silently makes his previous attempts to pin his resentment on you seem absurd. Beomgyu lets go of your hand.
“I don’t either.”
It’s like clarity washes over the both of you at the same time as you both take in your surroundings. Assess the situation. You shake your head.
“Then what are we doing here?” You brush past him in pursuit of your clothing, pick up each article scattered around the room.
“It’s just like we said. We don’t know what else to do.” He says behind you.
You slow your collection as you let his words sink in. You’ve exhausted every other option. Therapy, rough sex, songwriting, diaries, crying. Then you feel his warmth behind you. Your eyes ease closed as you melt into him. Your mind goes blank and for the first time in a long time, it’s not out of force or sheer exhaustion. Both of you relax into one another. You’d have to go out eventually, explain yourself and face scrutiny. Risk people’s opinions of you degrading. There’s nothing to worry about here. You’ve already seen the worst of each other. There’s nothing to guard in fear.
You turn around to face him. He looks different. Softer. Unintimidating. He could say the same for you. You climb on top of him, shivering as his member brushes against your mound. Your lips meld together like softening butter. They glide, becoming slick with the other’s saliva.
He glides his nose up the side of your face as he slips inside you. Both of your mouths hang agape as he slots all the way in. He’s buried deep inside you, no space left unfilled. The two of you substitute kissing for pressing your heads together, feeling every part of the other's skin. You trail your tongue across his jaw before kissing up to his ear. Every sense is filled with Beomgyu to the point where you can’t think of anything else. His makeup, his cologne, his body wash, his deodorant, his lotion, his taste, his touch, him, him, him. Your heart swells as he showers you with as much attention as you give him and then some.
Your hips move in unison, grinding together. Once you kiss again there’s no longer any space in between. Disconnecting sends slightly louder pants and moans into the air as you both start moving faster. You’ve never heard him moan like this. It’s so unrestrained and vulnerable, exposing his eagerness just as much as his hands squeezing your ass does.
You find you feel full in more ways than one right now. He saw you at your ugliest and he’s still here right now holding you like he never plans to let go. As if reading your thoughts, he clutches you even closer. You feel a light, bubbly laugh float from your chest as your legs start to tingle. You gasp as you climax with a stutter of your hips. Your movements slow ‘til they’ve almost ceased as you drowsily rest your forehead on his. The two of you rock back and forth in the only clean circle of the room amongst the chaos.
A moment of serenity is all the two of you are granted when you hear a knock at the door. Soobin comes in, looking disappointed as he regards you both.
“Are you done? Everyone’s looking for you.”
-🖊️⇝
Beomgyu got an earful for disappearing that day. You could’ve gotten into an ungodly amount of trouble if the other MC didn’t stick up for you. He felt responsible and was beyond apologetic. You forgave him, of course. He did nothing wrong. Also, you've come to terms with the fact that you know you have nothing to do with that song. It's someone else's demo you got paid to perform. It doesn't define you.
“Hey, are you coming?” Chaewon asks. You go to answer but notice a couple of conflicted looks from her members. A quick thought that you “better not annoy them” crosses your mind. You imagine tagging along and making things awkward and it makes you wince.
“No, I-”
“Come on.” Yunjin says dismissively and pulls you by the arm to follow them to their next location.
You sit stiffly on the couch, clapping along to Eunchae’s loud singing as everyone around you cheers.
She concludes with two bows and a loud ‘thank you’ into the microphone.
“Go ahead and pick who’s next.” Yunjin yells gleefully. You’re too distracted to realize Yunjin’s hand is hovering over you with her finger extended down.
“Hmm…” Eunchae pretends to think about it for a comically short amount of time before yelling out your name. Your confusion is cut short by a cheering Yunjin and Chaewon pushing you toward the screen. She hands you the mic which you take hesitantly. Once they're seated again they initiate a chant.
“Sing! Sing! Sing! Sing!”
Your brain does the honors of going over all of the embarrassing ways this could play out. Regardless of that, you’re already singing. It’s either that or running out the door, and the latter would take much more effort and explaining. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?
You finish to cheers and applause and you bow in response.
-🖊️⇝
Things in the dorm have gone back to being tense. Soobin isn’t giving Beomgyu the silent treatment this time, but it’s clear he’s disappointed. Everyone is under the impression that they hooked up again only to go back to hating each other. Mostly because you haven’t come over yet. Beomgyu was giving it some time, but now he’s ready.
“Stop acting weird.” He sighs, rubbing his nose bridge. “I did have sex with her. No, the song isn’t about me. We don’t hate each other. You guys can stop tiptoeing around me now.”
The members visibly untense, but only to express confusion.
“Where is she then?” Soobin speaks up, casting a stern look his way.
“Why does her being here matter?” Beomgyu finally gets to ask.
“Remember when you called me naive for having faith in her?” Soobin grits his teeth. “After all that she’s still-”
You cautiously click open the door, slowly revealing your apologetic expression. “I was going to wait but I didn’t…” You stop when you see the hardened look on Soobin’s face upon seeing you. “H-hello everyone.”
Kai stands up and marches over to give you a crushing hug. The gesture makes your heart flutter.
“You didn’t even call.” He pouts.
“I’m sorry.” You squeeze out. Taehyun and Yeonjun come next. Taehyun gives you a side hug while Yeonjun pats your back.
“Welcome back.” Yeonjun says with a wide smile.
The moment is interrupted by Soobin walking out of the living room into his own and slamming the door. You immediately follow after him, an action that Beomgyu watches carefully. Of course he notices a sharp pain in his chest, but he sits with it. Studies it. You could be chasing after him to reveal your true feelings and this time he may accept. He doesn’t want that. It even makes him a little bitter, but he can’t stop you. He can say whatever ugly words come to his mind to try and scare you away, but this time they may not work. And you’re not doing anything wrong. Him cuddling with you and drifting off to sleep in your bed doesn’t mean you’re dating. Moreover, you’re not Hyesoo. He’s seen every part of you by now. Regardless of everything, he’ll still be happy to have you in his life.
“You have sex with me and then never show your face again? Do you know how that feels?” Soobin explains desperately with tears springing to his eyes. “I knew the sex was meaningless, that was the whole point, but for you to up and leave afterward like I was just some random guy really sucks.”
“I-I didn’t want to leave, Soobin. I was too mortified to show my face again.”
“Because that’s what you guys being together does! You break down each other and then turn to breaking down those around you just trying to help. It’s selfish for you to waltz back in here like everything is back to normal.”
“It’s not.” You state confidently. “Everything is very, very different now. I can’t go into public spaces without being recognized, I have more people around me than ever before, and Beomgyu and I don’t hate each other anymore. You said it yourself, we’re similar and we wreck everything around us. We do it to ourselves. Beomgyu realizes it now and I certainly do. I don’t want things to go back to normal, because that version of me is gone.” The more you speak, the easier the words come. You smile hopefully at Soobin.
“I’m moving on with or without you, but I’d really love it if you entered this new chapter with me.”
You grab both of Soobin’s hands as his head droops. He’s silent for what feels like decades passing you by. Then he squeezes your hands.
Epilogue 🖊️⇝
Chaewon: you should apologize.
You pass the phone to Beomgyu in the midst of his “advice”. He crosses one arm over his chest as he reads the very short text for an inappropriate amount of time.
“But you didn’t know, right?”
“That doesn’t mean I’m not in the wrong.” You groan, snatching your phone back. He snatches it right back and starts texting.
“Hey!” You go to take your phone back but he leans away further and further until his body is caging the phone against the couch. You climb over him and bite his shoulder but he just laughs as the text is sent. You frantically snatch your phone back and look in horror.
You: tomorrow at my house 6pm;’2[21
“What the fuck! Beomgyu!” You shriek.
“You didn’t know, therefore you didn’t intentionally do anything wrong. But you did hurt Kazuha’s feelings and the members are very mad at you.” He explains calmly, smacking on his food.
“Thanks for reminding me of my unfortunate situation.” You deadpan.
“You were worried they think you're a horrible person. Boom–” He motions at your phone with his sandwich. “You can fix that. You’re worried you’re actually a horrible person, but you had no intentions of hurting anyone.”
“Yeah but you weren’t there. The way I said it was so insensitive in context and the look on Zuha’s face,” You whimper and hide your face in your hands.
“You didn’t hurt her on purpose.” The finality in Beomgyu’s voice makes you look up at him. His face is serious. “I’m certain of it. Now come here.” He pats his lap and you’re eagerly scooting over to lay your head on his lap. He sighs.
“You idiot.” He brushes away the tear falling down your face. “Why don’t you listen to me?”
“Hurting someone as sweet as her is pure evil.” You whisper.
“I don’t have to know you to say that an evil person wouldn’t be this remorseful. But knowing you, you’re not the type of person to go into an exchange ready to hurt an innocent person. You’re the type of person who sits quietly thinking about what you could say that will make people laugh the loudest and smile the brightest. I’m very sure that’s what you were thinking that day as well.” He voices his thoughts as he strokes your hair, stroking your cheek with his thumb. He looks down to meet your gaze and you feel the singe of a fire starting in your heart. He smiles lazily and it's the cherry on top of the artwork that is his face.
You slowly lean up before capturing his lips. It’s slow, tender, loaded. Kissing him after all the chaos feels like lying in a field of dandelions, the seeds breaking away and dancing in the wind. His skin feels like the warm hug of sunlight. His voice is like birds singing. You pull away and look at him in awe. He seems to be mirroring your feelings if his drunken expression is anything to go by. He shuts his mouth and brushes the back of his hand against your cheek.
“You’re kissing me outside of us having sex?” Beomgyu sports exaggerated shock and presses his palm to your forehead. His antics force a giggle out of you. “Are you sick?!”
You swipe his hand away, unable to ignore the burning light in your chest as you look at him and he silently looks back. You lean in and kiss him one last time before risking it all once you realize what this feeling is.
“I think I love you.” You whisper, looking desperately at his face to catch anything unsavory. His smile drops, looking genuinely shocked this time. He grabs your face and pecks your lips over and over before moving to the other parts of your face until you're stuck in a fit of laughter. He pulls away with adoration in his eyes.
“I loved you first.”
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The really fun thing about shipping Lute with Charlie/Vaggie/Emily (aka 'Charlies Angels') is that it can basically gives us three separate flavors of spicy enemies-to-lovers plotlines happening concurrently:
With Vaggie you've got a whole potential 'we were kinda-sorta a 'thing' once in a hyper-repressed no-homo way and it's been a long time and we never really processed it properly', with Vaggie now recognizing what she once felt for Lute and in some ways still does while Lute is all bitter and jealous in ways she doesn't want to admit so it's all super angsty.
With Emily, particularly if we follow a potential Eve and Adam parallels and Lute tried rebounding on Emily as a 'replacement' for Vaggie before Emily became a Fallen Angel and hooked up with Charlie and Vaggie, we could have Emily trying to actively encourage Lute into a redemption arc and trying to help her and get her to open herself up and accept her own feelings just like Emily has done as a Fallen Angel while Lute is desperately trying to resist the 'temptation' and her own feelings for Emily. So everything gets all grand, dramatic and feelsies.
With Charlie, we could get something similar to Emily with Charlie trying to push Lute's redemption arc, OR we could have a 'we just FUCKING HATE each other (emphasis on both those)' situation. With Lute hating Charlie out of jealousy, both for 'stealing' Vaggie AND Emily from her, but also jealous of everything she has with them, and for the many 'sinful' thoughts Charlie brings out of her. While Charlie just kind of hates Lute for all the things she did to hurt herself, hurt Vaggie and also she killed Charlie's pet goat-dragon, while also being really annoyed that Lute is still kind of her type.
And when you have all three of these happening concurrently? Yeah, things get pretty fun XD
#hazbin hotel#hazbin rambling#hazbin ship rambling#hazbin lute#vaggie#emily seraphim#charlie morningstar#chaggily#unholy trinity#vaggute#emilute#charilute#charlies angels#enemies to lovers
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Can I add on to the Suicidal Peter thing? I feel like that would cause so much stress for reader? Like her hair would be going gray and maybe she faints from exhaustion because she's staying up all night making sure Peter wouldn't try to off himself again? Would he notice that she's extra clingy because she's that nervous of him being alone with his thoughts and whatnot? Maybe she wouldn't tell him because she doesn't want him to feel any more guilt that he already has? Sorry if that was alot, just thinking about how that would be for his girlfriend
Trigger Warnings: This is all about suicidal ideation, self harm, and losing yourself to take care of someone who is suicidal. Includes panic attacks, severe weight loss from lack of eating due to anxiety, mentions of blood and cutting, attempted suicide on top of a building. It's a suicide/depression/self harm/broken lovers fic. Be careful if those topics are difficult for you<3
Reminder: This is a depiction of an extremely toxic relationship. It is not cute or healthy or something to strive for. Just, like, as an fyi. Don't do it. Stop. Not healthy. No. Not even for Peter Parker. Don't do it. Stop it right now. Never get on a ledge for a man wtf are you doing.
I think she would be in a state of constant hyper vigilance and high anxiety. He would take over all her thoughts until she can't function anymore. Never eating. Not able to work. Doesn't even want to take a shower because she's afraid of having him out of her sight. Not wanting to sleep.
God forbid she wakes up in middle of the night and he's not in bed, she'd be thrown straight into a panic attack. There's been times when he's woken up to go to the bathroom and returned back to find her hyperventilating on the floor.
Peter dried his wet hands on his boxers as he turned off the sink. His eyes were squinted closed, still half asleep, and he shuffled out of the bathroom. He had no idea what time it was and he didn't care to turn on any bright lights to find the clock. He rubbed his fingers through his shaggy hair and let out a quiet yawn, fumbling with their bedroom door handle to push himself back inside.
A dull flurry of tingles ran up his spine as his hand grasped the knob.
Spider-senses. They weren't super intense or threatening but they let him know that someone was crouched behind the door. He knew it was her and not a threat. His senses always felt dulled down when she was around. His ears perked up to listen to her quiet, muffled sobs.
Peter frowned and gently opened the door so not to accidentally hit her with it.
She was curled up against the wall. Her eyes were wild, the whites flashing back and forth as they scanned the dark room. Tears spilled silently down her face and her body racked with heavy pants. Her teeth bit down on the sleeve of her shirt to keep her cries muffled.
"Baby, what happened?" He asked, quickly kneeling down in front of her. Five minutes ago she was sound asleep beside him.
He scanned her for any external injuries but came up with nothing. He placed his hands against each of her cheeks to get her to look at him. His thumbs brushed the tears from under her eyes.
"You-" she gasped, eyes wide, like she was forcing them to focus on him. "You...you...here...you're here."
Peter nodded. A weight of guilt dropped in his stomach as he realized what she was implying.
"Yeah," he whispered. "I'm here. I'm always here. Just went to the bathroom. 's okay. Are you hurt?"
Her chest heaved with each quickened breath but her shoulders stopped shaking the longer she took him in. Her mouthed moved like she was trying speak but no words ever came out. Only more sobs.
He flicked out his wrist to shoot a web against the light switch, tugging it on, so she could see him better.
"See?" He spoke softly, trying to soothe her the best he was able. "Look at me. I'm here."
Fresh tears welled in her eyes and spilled down over his hands. Peter sighed sadly, sliding an arm under her legs and the other behind her back to scoop her up into his arms. He carried her back to the bed. She cradled into his lap and he pressed the side of her ear against his chest so she could hear his heart. He was alive. There was physical proof she could hear.
"I'm here," he continued to reassure her. "I'm not going anywhere."
They both doubted that statement but neither of them dared to challenge it.
He slipped his hand under her shirt to gently scratch her back, humming softly against the side of her head.
Slowly, her breathing regulated. He felt her body melt against him. Her eyes closed.
"Are you okay?" He whispered.
She gave a soft nod, mumbling as sleep started to grip her once more, "Nightmare. Nothin' to worry 'bout."
He wrapped his arms tighter around her, feeling her drift off, and knew the nightmare she was talking about wasn't one that happened during sleep.
Some days are better than others. Some days he seems almost normal and she finds herself able to breathe a little easier. But she can never allow herself to fully relax. Relaxing means getting sloppy. Relaxing means she might miss the signs.
The dark circles overtake her eyes. Caking on makeup can only do so much. They still poke through until she eventually just gives up trying to cover them. The whites of her eyes have become a permanent state of bloodshot.
She's losing weight. At first people compliment her for it. They don't know why it's happening. All they see is a loss of weight and think it's purposeful and think they need to praise her for it like it's some great accomplishment. Soon it becomes a clear problem. Food doesn't want to stay down. Her stomach was too filled with anxiety to make room for anything else.
Her friends no longer text her. She never responded anyway. She can't go out. That would be the perfect time for Peter to lose it.
She struggles to keep working. Her job is suffering as a result of her mental state. Too many sick days taken. She's days away from being fired but she doesn't care. All she cares about is Peter. Nothing else matters. Keeping him safe becomes her obsession.
The lack of sleep makes her dizzy.
Peter stared at the television. He couldn't focus on what was playing. His mind was...elsewhere. He dug his nails against the skin of his thumb. It pissed him off that he cut them short earlier in the day. They weren't long enough to scrape against his skin with the force he wanted. He wanted blood. He wanted pain. His nails were giving him nothing but a mild annoyance.
He couldn't get up to find anything sharper when she was curled up beside him. She watched him like a hawk. If he moved, she moved.
His gaze landed on the steak knife thrown against his empty dinner plate still laying out on the coffee table in front of them. Once he caught sight of it, he couldn't see anything else.
He couldn't see that her plate was still full of food beside it, untouched. He couldn't see her eyes glazing out of focus as she stared at the television, equally unable to pay attention to what was in front of her as they "watch" their show. He couldn't see her shaking hands from lack of sleep or proper nutrition. He couldn't see the gauntness to her cheeks or the red tint in her eyes.
All he could see was that knife.
He imagined dragging it across his skin. Slicing it open. Spilling his blood. He imagined cutting it across his palm to mimic the color of Ben's blood on his hands. George's blood. Gwen's blood. He imagined stabbing it into his neck. So fast that she couldn't stop him. In and out. Real quick. Over and done just like that.
"Do you need more water?"
Peter's eyes snapped up to attention as she broke his trance.
"What?" He mumbled.
She nodded to his empty glass of water, "Want me to get you more? You looked like you were staring at it? Thirsty?"
He gave a slow nod, lost in thought. Good. Let her get up. Let her move away. He could grab the knife while she wasn't looking.
She reached for the glass and stood up. He was too focused on the blade to notice how she stopped to sway unsteadily on her feet before walking off to the kitchen.
He heard the glass crash a second before her body hit the floor.
He was up and leaping over the couch a heartbeat after, the knife immediately fading from his mind.
"Babe," he gasped, reaching her in seconds. He gently slapped a hand over her cheek. "Hey! Wake up! Baby, wake up!"
Peter fumbled for the cell phone in his pocket, ready to call an ambulance, when she groaned. He dropped it beside him to tend to her instead.
Her eyes blinked open, hazy and confused, "Wha-"
"It's okay," he breathed through the rising panic. "Try not to move. You fainted. Hit your head."
Oh god, her eyes. Had they always been that sunken in? When did her face start to look so skeletal? He couldn't remember. When had she changed? Was that...
He ran a hand over her hair.
...grey hair?
Sporadic grey strands slipped through his fingers. She looked sickly. She wasn't right.
She lifted an arm to rub her eyes with a muffled moan. A trickle of blood ran down the back of her arm where she had landed on the shattered glass. It painted a trail of red down her skin. His eyes widened at the sight, unable to look away. He tunnel visioned. His sight blackened around the edges as he stared.
Blood. Her blood.
His head twitched. He hurt her. He did this. He made her get up because he wanted that knife. He didn't even more water. He wasn't even thirsty. She was up because of him. She was...broken...fallen...Gwen fell...she broke...he broke them all...dead...all of them...blood...so much blood...always blood...
Her hands were pressed to the side of his head. She was sitting up now. He hadn't even seen her move. Was he-
Crying.
Hot tears streamed down his face. He was sobbing. Gasping. He couldn't remember starting that. Time was slipping through his fingers. He was losing bits and pieces. What year was it? How old was he?
He was sixteen, holding Ben's body.
No, no, no.
Eighteen, Gwen in his arms. Shattered.
No.
Twenty...six? eight? Had he turned thirty yet?
Fuck, he couldn't remember.
"It's okay, Peter." She was soothing him. "It's okay. I'm fine. I'm okay. Breathe, Pete. Deep breaths. Stay with me."
He was supposed to be the one taking care of her. What was he doing? What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he stop crying?
She was running her fingers through his hair, pressing her forehead against his, kissing away his tears.
He clung to the front of her shirt, tugging her closer, he couldn't get her close enough. He needed to feel her. He needed to breathe her in, touch her, fuse her through his skin until she melted straight into him forever.
She wasn't dead. It was just a cut. A cut.
She clutched onto his head, pressing his face against her breasts, holding him close. This was the wrong way around. He should be holding her. He was failing. Nothing was working right. Everything was backwards. Everything was wrong. He didn't remember who he was anymore.
"I got you, Peter. I'm okay. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."
She cupped his jaw in her palms to lift his head to hers. She placed soft kisses against his lips. It made his head spin. He wanted her closer but he was afraid if he reached for her, she would crumble away into a fading memory like the rest of them.
As she kissed him, his hand reached out besides him instead, fingers finding a shard of glass and silently slipping into his pocket.
For later.
Just in case.
Peter's stopped being Spider-Man because she asked him to. She's afraid to have him out of her sight. Spider-Man is too dangerous for someone who's suicidal. He can't be trusted. She struggles to breathe when he's not around.
They spend most of their time on the couch "watching" tv. She makes him shower with her. She stays up to watch him sleep, now. When she does doze off, any small movement or sound will jerk her straight awake. Her eyes only ever look for him. She can't see anything else.
At what point does she become an enabler to his behavior? There's being a caregiver and then there's letting someone ruin your life. He's not getting external help because he has her. They're eating each other alive. Sucking the life out of each other. Soon, there will be nothing left to leach off of.
By continuing down this path, it's only a matter of time before she hit rock bottom beside him.
I think that might be the only thing that pushes Peter out of the hole. Because he loves her. He's broken and depressed and a neglectful boyfriend but he does love her. Either they both end up dead or they end up alive. There's only two options here with them because neither of them will ever leave the other. Drag each other down straight to death or lift each other to something brighter.
It had been about an hour since he last saw her. That was unusual. The past five months, she had been his shadow. Attached at his hip. Never out of his sight for more than a minute or two. He dragged himself off the floor where he had been laying. He had bent down to reach for the remote that had fallen off the couch and ended up on the floor without the willpower to get back up. He had just laid there, staring up at the ceiling, letting time pass.
Except too much time had passed because she wasn't here.
Peter sat up, feeling a bit dizzy from the change of pressure in his head, and called out her name. When she didn't answer, he called her again, louder this time. Still nothing.
That worried him.
He jumped to his feet and focused his hearing to listen for her. She wasn't in the apartment. He didn't have to search. He just knew.
His heart began racing. His skin was exploding in tingles. Goosebumps. Anxiety swirled in his stomach. Colors intensified. His hearing dialed up to its full extent. His senses kicked into overdrive.
Trouble.
He hadn't felt his Spider-senses in months. They overwhelmed him and caused him to stumble back against the couch. He had gone so long without feeling anything. Suddenly, there was everything.
He gave a few rapid blinked, trying to focus his eyes and gain back control of his body.
He had to find her.
Peter stumbled out their apartment door, barefoot and sweating profusely, looking wildly up and down the empty hall. He yelled out her name once more. He knew she wouldn't answer but it burst out of him with a longing desperation anyway. He hadn't been away from her for this long in months. He couldn't breathe.
When had she left? Why hadn't he heard her open the door? How far gone had he let himself get that he wouldn't notice her walking out?
He forced his breath to steady as he paused, taking a deep breath, and letting those familiar senses work like they used to.
The roof.
He had to get to the roof.
She was up there. If anyone ever tried to ask how he knew, he wouldn't be able to tell them. He just knew. That's how his senses worked. They told his body where to move and how fast to go and where to be. They told him of danger.
And they were telling him that needed to be on the roof as fast as he could move.
Peter took the stairs two at a time, leaping over railings, and throwing himself up the three flights until he burst through the roof door.
It was snowing outside. When had it become winter? How long had it been since he looked out a fucking window?
His bare feet slipped on a patch of ice but he quickly righted the fall and lunged forward.
She was here. Standing on the raised edge of the building roof. Her hair whipped around her head from the freezing wind. She was in her slippers and pajamas. He hadn't even remembered what she had been wearing until this moment. It was like she had become invisible to him. Always there, always needed, but never truly seen.
He saw her now.
She had gotten so skinny. Almost skeletal. Her body stood on unsteady legs, the wind thrashing her around like she was nothing, and his heart leapt into his throat.
Instinctively, he arm shot out to shoot a web at her back, but nothing came. He had taken off the damn web shooters forever ago. They were lost on some dust filled, cluttered dresser under a pile of clothes. Somewhere completely useless to him.
He shouted her name, pain laced heavily in his voice, running towards her. If she fell before he could catch her, he would throw himself straight off this roof after her.
She turned to look at him.
Jesus, she looked like an entirely different person. Her eyes were dead. Her body might still be hanging on but the life inside of her was gone.
"Dont!" He a broken scream ripped from his throat. "Don't you fucking dare!"
She took a step back, her slipper sliding against the ice, heels hovering over the edge.
"I can't," she whispered, voice getting lost in the howling wind.
Maybe it wasn't the wind. Maybe his own horrified cries.
"I can't do it anymore." She took another shuffled inch back and teetered dangerously on the edge. "I'm sorry."
He reached her the second she stepped off. His hand latched onto her wrist at the last possible moment before it disappeared from view. The weight of her falling body lurched him foreword and he braced himself against the ledge, sticking his feet to the frozen ground as an anchor. He reached his other hand over to scrunch up the front of her shirt, using both her arm and shirt to drag her back up to him.
She didn't fight him. Didn't move. Didn't react.
He dragged her limp body over the hump of the ledge wall and tumbled her into his arms. He fell to the ground, collecting her in his lap, clinging her protectively against him in an iron clad death grip. He chest was heaving. Tears spilled hot down his red, windswept cheeks and blurred his vision. He was struggling to breath. He couldn't catch his breath.
Everything was her. All he could feel. All he could see. He held her close, frantically running his hands over her body, over her face, feeling her, making sure she was really here. It was her. She was here. In his arms. She was alive. She was breathing.
She looked so defeated. Broken. Gone.
"Why?" His voice cracked. "How could you-how-"
Why not?
He had.
She had learned from the best.
It hit him all at once. Clarity. Realization. Everything fell into place the second she stepped off that ledge.
His entire life flashed before his eyes when she fell.
This life they were living...this life was not sustainable. It was his fault.
He had brought them here. He dug the hole and led her straight down to the bottom after him because he was afraid of being alone. He brought her down to his level because he was selfish. Needy. Weak. Afraid. She didn't belong here. He didn't either. If he had his web shooters on like he always used to, he would have reached her before she even knew he was there. He had given up everything in his life. Family, friends, Spider-Man, her.
He given up on everything and almost lost it all.
He had dug this hole for them.
Only he could help them out.
a/n: HI! Of course you can add to it! It makes me so happy that anyone gives a shit to actually contribute and join in on the story telling. I am just very slow at replying sometimes, esp during the days that I work, but I will always get there!
I dipped a toe into exploring the role of caregiver in Nicest Thing too and what it can potentially do to a person. Because I think it can really eat someone alive to be on constant high alert until there is nothing left of them except a shell of who they once were. At some point, you're going to have to chose between losing yourself or potentially losing Peter. He has to be the one to help himself. No one can force someone to get help, they have to make that choice themselves, which is the sad reality of loving someone who's going through shit. And I say that as someone who gone through a lot of shit in their life and had to have people put my ass on suicide watch. Being a caregiver of someone suicidal is a lot of thankless, hard work. If someone doesn't want help, they'll find ways to weasel around everything you to hit them with, until they're ready to do it themselves. So, keep yourself sane and healthy.
I'd like to think that after this, he helps them both. He helps her by getting better himself. Since she followed him into the hole, I think she would follow him out. Slowly. But seeing him put in the effort would give her the strength to do it herself.
Go listen to Don't Try Suicide by Queen and don't fucking kill yourself, okay? Great? Great! xoxo Katie
#andrew garfield#tasm#the amazing spiderman#peter parker#tasm peter parker#tasm peter#tasm x reader#tasm fic#tasm angst#peter parker x reader#peter parker fic#peter parker angst#tasm peter x reader#tasm peter fic#tasm peter angst#tasm peter parker x reader
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Data is one of the rare times the hot robot being programmed with sex sub routines and built anatomically correct and shit doesn’t have Unfortunate Implications about like, his planned usage or whatever.
Like you know it’s both bc Noonien Soong is an unhinged freak who wanted this guy to be able to do Literally Everything He Could Think Of and Do It Well because he’s a hyper perfectionist and also because he’s a raging narcissist and no android with his face wasn’t gonna be an s tier lover. His pride just wouldn’t allow Data (and Lore) to not be as accurate a simulacrum of humans as possible or anything but super mega perfect at everything. And honestly it’s why I like him so much he’s a miserable little man <3
#data soong#lore soong#noonien soong#dr soong said ‘I’m making my boys fuck supremely nasty bc that will reflect back on ME’ which is unhinged thinking#but if anyone would think like that it’s him#tfw ur so egotistical u model ur android sons after u in ur physical prime and make their dick game insane
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Congrats Joe on the tonight show! Here this is for uuu
-
It was around 3am when your phone lit up and stirred you from your slumber, the contact name “hubby” flashed across the screen.
Groggily rubbing your eyes, you reached for your phone beside you and picked up.
“Baby!” Your boyfriend on the other end of the line shouted, sounded very hyper for how late it was.
Though you were in different time zones, it was still very late for where Joe was currently residing—or partying it seemed.
“Hi,” you groaned, really wishing you could be catching up on your sleep, but you were glad to finally be hearing his voice.
“Shit,” he laughed, “was my angel sleeping?”
He was definitely drunk and you wished you could be there to experience it firsthand.
“I was, but I’m glad you called, honey.”
“Of course,” you could picture the smile on his face. “Did I look sexy on television?”
You chuckled, loving his charm. “Why yes, I was nearly drooling over you in that suit!”
That was true.
He looked so handsome walking out on that stage, you were so proud to be his.
“Be sure to fuck you in it, love,” he growled into the phone, revealing how much he wanted you.
Though you were super flattered by the sentiment, you were awfully too exhausted to keep the sexy talk flowing. Instead, you were more focused on his surroundings and who might’ve heard what he said.
“Baby,” you asked, “where uh exactly are you?”
“Pffft, oh you know, just in a bar with lotsss o people,” he was slipping on his words, the alcohol going straight to his head.
“Ah, well you best stay safe,” you replied, not wanting anything to happen to your lover while you were miles apart.
“I will only ‘cause I’ve got my lady to get back to,” he gushed.
“Alright baby,” you cooed as a yawn escaped from your mouth. “I’m gonna go back to bed, but text me in the morning.”
“Boooooo,” he pouted, wanting to stay on the phone longer. “Okay sweetie, love ya.”
“Love you more,” you said as you heard the sound of a smooch come from his end, smiling as you hung up.
You could not be more eager for him to come home and wear that damn suit.
#so PROUD OF HIM#joseph quinn imagine#joseph quinn rpf#joseph quinn x y/n#joseph quinn x reader#joesph quinn#stranger things#eddie munson#eddie munson x reader
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