Do people not realise that using Vecna tormenting Will about his complicated feelings towards El to make Will out to be a bad person who just hates her is literally exactly what Vecna does lmfao. That’s his whole MO—he digs into the character’s pain and twists things, convinces them their worst thoughts and fears are who they truly are, tries to make them succumb to the black hole of their trauma. He doesn’t reveal some secret dark evil truth in the person, he exploits their internalised suffering and tells them they are an awful person for it. I fear the point of the show went straight over some heads…….

Reconciliation (Stan Uris x reader x Richie Tozier, Reddie)

I'm finally back! It's probably been a year since I posted Betrayal and shit has really hit the fan since then, but here I am a year later with part 2!

Here is a link to part 1

Warning: swearing

Aged up: 18/19

You tried to catch up with Stan as he power-walked out of the house. He stopped short when he realized his car wasn't there. "Stan" You catch his attention and he turns around. His chest rising and falling at a quick pace, "You heard everything in there?" Stan's voice was quiet, much quieter than just a minute ago. You nod and he sighs. "I'm sor-" You cut him off "Don't be" You take a step forward and bring your hand up to push some curls out of his face. He leans into your hand, not stopping himself for once. No yearning, no shouting in his head over his actions. Just the feel of your soft palm against his cheek. Stan takes a deep breath, feeling himself calm down in the wake of your touch. "Can we go somewhere?" Stan's voice barely above a whisper. "Of course."

Richie leaned back against the wall and slid down to the floor. He brushed his hands through his hair 'God I fucked up' "Man you really fucked up." Richie looked up. "Thanks, Bill your a real help." Bill put his hands up in defense. "I gotta say I really didn't see that one coming," Eddie spoke up. Bill and Mike nodded in agreement. "I mean I knew *something* was going on but holy shit I didn't think they were in love with each other," Beverly added. "We know Stanley's in love with her but is she in love with Stan? I mean she was just in a serious relationship like a week ago" "Yeah I wonder what happened to that relationship?" Ben's eyes sharp at Eddie, voice stiff and slightly viscous, "Alright! Alright!! None of that!" Mike's authoritative voice made it known he was seriously done with all the fighting. "She loves him" The group turned their heads at Richie's small voice, Ha stared down at the floor and spoke softly. "She may not be in love with him right now, but I could see it. She's falling for Stan."

Eddie looked over at Richie. A mix of emotions reached throughout the boy. He hated seeing Richie like this, but he also hated that it was about you. Mostly he hated that it was about you. He couldn't control it, no matter how much he wished that he could. What is it exactly that Richie is so mad at? Is he upset that he potentially ruined his relationship with Stan? Is he upset that Stan is in love with (Y/N) or that Stan claimed he neither loved nor cared about (Y/N)? Is Richie still in love with (Y/N)? If so is he mad that (Y/N) could be in love with Stan or that she is moving on so quickly? Eddie couldn't help but feel like he was still second to you. It's not like Richie chose to tell you. He kept telling Eddie that he would for at least 2 weeks, but then she found out in her own way. Eddie feared that maybe he was never gonna tell you. Or now that you found out does Richie regret it? 'Alright, Alright Eddie calm the fuck down! Just go talk to Richie.' "Eds?" "Yeah Rich." "I'm gonna go." Richie's tone sounded soft, defeated. It broke Eddie's heart to see him like this. "Yeah sure I'll go grab my keys-" Richie cut him off politely. "I'm just gonna walk. I think I wanna be alone right now. I'll call you later." Richie placed a hand on the back of Eddie's head pulling him close and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "OK. Be safe please."

"Where are we going?" You ask Stan who is driving and keeping silent. "You'll see. Um, go into the glove compartment a find the clear tape." You scrunch your eyebrows together. "You been stashing things in my glove compartment, Uris?" You found a clear tape and put it into the radio. Temptation by New Order flooded in through the speakers. A smile grew on your face as you turned the volume nob up. Stan looked over at you for a second just to see your growing smile. "I made you a tape and left it in here for the next time you complain that there's nothing good on the radio." A fit of giggles came from your mouth. "Stanley Uris made me a fucking mix-tape." You continued to laugh. It brought a smile, growing wider by the second, to see you so happy and blissful listening to your favorite music, a song he loved as well.

And I've never seen anyone quite like you before. No, I've never met anyone quite like you before.

Richie's emotions were confusing him now more than ever. He loved (Y/N). He truly did, but he just wasn't in love with her. Guilt consumes him every night before sleep and every time he sees you. He never wanted to hurt you. But when it comes to Eddie he's impulsive even a little reckless. Richie knew that he fucked up massively. Not only with you but with Stan and he even feels so with Eddie. He felt that if he just would have been honest with you before jumping into things with Eds maybe Eddie wouldn't have lost his best friend. He still couldn't wrap his head around how much of an idiot and a dick he was about Stanley. What in the fucking hell would lead him to believe that Stanley Uris of all people would fuck around with someone's feelings like that? He had already caused (Y/N) enough pain maybe he was trying to be a hero or something. Do something right for once, but of course, it was just another gigantic fuck up! Executed wonderfully by your very own Richie Tozier. Richie had noticed that he walked straight to the quarry. He picked up a stone and skipped it across the water.

Stan pulled the car over along where the road stopped and the tree's started. "Come on." Stan walked over to your side of the car and opened the door for you and held out his hand. You took his hand and walked beside him into the woods. "You trying to get me to some secret secondary location?" "What, you don't recognize where we're going?" You looked around a bit and shook your head. "Well, then I guess it will be a surprise." "I guess this is the day I get murder in the woods. Goodbye world you were never all that good to me but at least my murder is hot as hell." You almost couldn't see Stan's blush from how much he was laughing. You're hands brush as you walked close together. Stan felt a little nervous to take it, it's not like he hasn't held your hand before but right now he feels it holds so much more. 'Good' he thought to himself. 'It does mean more. Let it mean more.' He took your hand in his and warmth spread throughout the both of you. Just the two of you holding hands walking through the trees with Stan pointing out some birds to you, felt so blissful. At this moment you realized you had never felt this way with Richie. The two of you had a lot in common and play off each other well jokes and conversation-wise. But maybe that wasn't all a relationship needed. You had felt that's why Richie and you were so perfect together. Maybe this was finally the start to forgiving Richie and regaining some normalcy, realizing that maybe we weren't perfect or meant to be after all. If this is how Richie felt with Eddie you felt that you could somewhat understand why he was so in a rush to have it. It was scary how new this thing with Stan was yet how important it felt to you. You would go to the ends of the earth to protect what you had with Stan, no one in the world made you feel as safe and comforted as Stanley Uris. What Richie did, going behind your back, was in no way how he should've handled the situation. You let him into some of the most vulnerable spaces in your mind and life, entrusting him with your heart and your deepest thoughts, that you were his only person. That wasn't something easy to forgive, not something to easily recover from, especially having that trust broken with someone else with who you were very close. You may be happy and blissful at this moment, but you definitely knew the consequences of Richie's actions would come back to rear its ugly head sooner or later. But you believed that understanding was one of the first steps toward forgiveness. The more you walked the louder the sound of running water became. Soon you could even see the running water. You realized Stan had brought you to the barrens.'But why the barrens?' you thought to yourself. You reached the edge of the water and looked over to Stan. "C'mon" he grabbed your hand and stepped out onto a rock in the water. You did your best to follow, it finally dawns on you that you were headed toward the clubhouse.

When you got to the small clearing Stan went ahead and lifted the hatch to the small underground area where the losers used to hang out. "I've only been here a couple of times." You said as you climbed down the ladder. "Yeah, I guess we started hanging out other places more." Stan walked over to the hammock getting in. He smiled and reached his arms out like a little kid asking for a hug. You raised an eyebrow at him. "I know. I always feel like I'm gonna fall out of this thing, but it's safe I promise." "Okay," You say drawing out the word in a skeptical tone. You yelped as it wobbled and Stan gripped his arms around your waist as the hammock swung a little. "See, safe." You let out an amused huff and relaxed into Stan. Your back was pressed against his chest, both of your heads finding slightly uncomfortable spots in the crooks of the other's neck. "I remember one of the first times Eddie ever brought you to hang around with us was down here." Stan played with your hands in your lap. "I remember looking over and seeing you smiling, talking to Beverly. It was really hot out, your cheeks were pink. Richie gave you his shower cap and you, him, and Bill talked about comic books." You closed your eyes just listening to Stan talk softly into your hair. "Beverly came over to me when she noticed. She was joking around told me to stop staring, that it was rude. I hadn't even noticed that I was staring. I got nervous cuz, -hoping you didn't notice. You were so beautiful I couldn't help but stare." You blushed and let out a chuckle, your stomach filling up with butterflies. "I don't expect you to say back any time soon, and I in no means want to rush you, but I-" Stan paused, thinking about the impact of his words. He started to think maybe he should give you a little time, but then you leaned your head up to look at him. And when he looked down into your eyes there was no way stopping the words from falling out of his mouth. "I love you." The look in Stan's eyes was intoxicating, you could have stared in his eyes for the rest of both your lives, but instead, you brought your hand up to his jaw and tilted your head bringing yours and Stan's lips together. Equally as intoxicating as the look in his eyes. The two of you felt as if you were floating on clouds. Like you two were the only two people in the world. You pulled away and smiled, Stan pressed his forehead against yours. "I know" You and Stan laughed.

"Ok Rich. You just need to apologize. I'm sure they'll forgive you. They're your friends, basically your family." Richie walked back into town talking to himself. "And you hurt them and accused them of shitty things and now all your friends will hate you forever cuz you were a total dick and even their grandchildren will hate the name, Richie Tozier." Richie stopped for a second and groaned, rubbing his hands up and down his face under his glasses. He took a deep breath and continued walking.

Mike opened the door to Richie. "Hey man, come in." "Is Eds still here." "Yeah, he's in the living room. Rich," Mike put a hand on his shoulder. "He's worried about you. We all kinda are. There's been a lot going on with you four I just want to remind you that if you need someone to talk to we're all here for you buddy." "Thanks, man." Richie continues into the living room and sees Ben and Eddie talking. He breathes a sigh of relief, knowing how much it hurt Eddie that Ben wouldn't talk to him. They hugged and Ben got up off the couch and saw Richie. "I'm really sorry Richie. It was really rude to treat you like that-" Richie cut him off. "It's ok man really, I get it. She's your friend, I was a dick." "Yeah but you and Eddie are my friends too." "Well then what do you say Haystack," Richie extended out a hand. "Back to buds." Ben agreed and shook Richie's hand. Richie took a seat next to Eddie on the couch. "Hey, I'm glad your back I wanted to-" Richie leaned in and kissed Eddie. "As much as I love you and your adorable rambling I wanted to apologize." Eddie was suddenly very nervous. He thought to himself 'Shit this is it. He still loves Kassidy.' "Sure, Sure yeah. Umm a-about what Rich?" Richie took Eddie's hands in his fiddling with them out of nerves. "About everything. About not telling Kassidy. About not even being decent enough to break it off first so neither of you would get hurt. All of this would have been so much easier and nobody would've had to lose any friends. I'm just so sorry Eddie, I love you and I never wanted to hurt you like that." Eddie was so relieved to hear those words come out of Richie's mouth. He put a hand up to Richie's cheek and leaned to kiss him. "I love you too Richie." Richie chuckled in relief "Thank fuck."

You and Stan walked back to the car hand in hand. "So what do you wanna do now? " You leaned your back up against the car door "Oh I don't know maybe some more of this." Stan leaned himself against the car by his forearm and with his other hand lifted your chin, leaning down connecting your lips. You hummed against his lips. "Well, I do love doing that." "Do you want to go back to your place-" Stan pressed a small kiss on your neck "Watch a movie." "Shit!" Stan's head shot up. "I left my house keys at Bens." "We can sneak through your bedroom window." You push yourself off of the car, past Stan, and walked to the other side pulling your door open. "I don't wanna go back there either but with any luck, Richie won't be there." Stan groaned and got into the car.

You wrapped your knuckles on the door and Mike opened it with a smile. "I just forgot my keys." Mike let you in past him to the table where the keys sat. You quickly walked over to the table and grabbed your keys. Turning around back towards the door you catch Richie staring from the couch next to Eddie. For once you didn't feel the wind knocked out of you. But you couldn't say that the feeling of wanting to punch him had dulled any. You carried on toward the door when Richie called out your name. You sighed and banged your head on Mike's front door and contemplated for a second whether or not you should pretend you didn't hear him and keep walking. Apparently, you had stayed there a bit too long. Richie tapped two fingers on your shoulder. "I was just wondering if you would let me talk at you for a second. You don't need to say anything, or react in any way really-" You turned around and put your hands on his shoulders. He froze silent as you drew a deep breath. "I forgive you." It wasn't easy to say, you weren't even sure it was true. A part of you wanted to keep him dangling in wonder and guilt but you knew that you would eventually fully forgive him and the more you saw him moping around the more you would most likely enjoy watching him suffer for what he did. But if he just thought that you had forgiven him then maybe he would go back to his old trashmouth self and you all could move on.

Richie was taken by surprise, to say the least. He felt relief for a fleeting moment until he remembers Stan. "He's out in the car" He heard him speak softly. She somehow always knew what was going on inside his head, that's what made him think that she was so great, that they would be so great together. Against your better judgment, you grimaced and said, "I can give you five minutes. But he has the car keys so I can't promise he won't dive off on you." Richie threw his arms around you and squeezed you, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" "Yeah, sure get off me" He smiled at you, "Sorry." As Richie walked out the door he turned back to you, "He wouldn't drive off without his best girl." Richie started making trumpets sound in the tune of 'A Long Long Time' by Kitty Kallen and closed the door. You rolled your eyes as you and Mike laughed

Richie fell silent as he walked up to your car with Stan in the front seat. He raised his hand and tapped on the window. Stan kept his stare forward and locked the car door. Richie sighed. "Stan please." Richie heard the click of the car doors unlock and walked around to the other side and got in. "I'm so sorry. I was being a complete shit of a person and totally overreacted. I do care about her, I do! That's why I got so angry and it totally fucked up my judgment." Stan wasn't saying anything and it started to make Richie even more nervous. "I was angry and confused and I honestly don't know where all of that came from. That's not what I think of you at all, you gotta know that, Stan. You're one of my best friends and the best dude I know and I'm so sorry I said all of those things. I know I really fucked up." The two of them sat and stared out the windshield, Richie's leg bounced up and down from nerves until Stanley broke the silence. "I'm sorry too. That I turned my back on you. I couldn't understand how you had the most perfect girl right in front of you and seeing you hurt her made me angry too. I mean we all saw you and Eddie happening eventually, but I didn't think you two would go and do that. I love her and I guess I let that get in the way of our friendship." "I mean dude I don't really think I could blame you. I've seen the way she looks at you. It can make someone do stupid and crazy things." "Well then I guess that explains why you are so stupid and crazy," Stan laughed, "Eddie looks at you like that 24\7." Richie turned away laughing and hoped it hid the bright red flush on his cheeks. "I can't believe she actually forgave me." "Yeah me neither, to be honest." Stanley dead-panned. "Buuut," Stan took a calming deep breath, "If she can forgive you, then I guess I should too."

Eddie walked up to (Y\N) hesitantly as she was laughing with Mike. Mike saw Eddie and took that as his cue to leave, or rather to eavesdrop from the kitchen with Beverly, Ben, and Bill.

"Thanks for uh.. for forgiving Richie, he's been a wreck," Eddie said. "N-not that I've been fine! I-I feel completely terrible for what I did. But I mean I-I-I'm not trying to make you feel bad for me or anything. O-or for Richie. I just mean that we're both really sorry. I'm so, so very sorry (Y/N)." Eddie stammered through quickly. Man, do your shoes look mighty interesting at that moment. 'You forgave Richie why is it so hard to forgive Eddie. Maybe because we only gave Richie a premature apology so we could all get back to normal? Should I have to do that with Eddie too? Fuck that neither of them deserves it!' You fought back and forth with yourself in your head before finally looking up at Eddie. You took a deep breath, "I know...I-" Eddie cut you off "You don't have to." "I feel like I should." "You already kinda forgave Richie I know that's a big thing so you can hate me for as long as you need I deserve it." You smiled at Eddie and walked out of the house. Richie saw you walking towards the car and stepped out leaving the door open for you. You got in and leaned over to Stanley cupping the side of his face to bring him closer and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Stan started the car as you buckled. You tucked your legs up onto the seat and curled up to get comfy. Stan rests his hand over on one of your legs as you closed your eye

taglist: @elisaa-shelby @trashxqueen @igotahammer @pillowjj @screechinglawyer @campcampie

what do you think are gg's biggest flaws?

Ooh, Anon! It’s like you’re in my head. 

I’m busy making a video (that will probably never see the light of day) about this --  my distance from the show has really helped with some super objective clarity -- so I’ll use my notes from that to help me answer. 

I’ll preface this by saying what I was most shocked by after putting down all the points was that Rio isn’t even mentioned until really far down??

Anyway, let's get into it.

These are Good Girls' greatest flaws in my opinion (and relative to season 1 -- while I think it had its flaws too, the list is far smaller and I think that's a separate post)

1. It didn't stick to its guns

What set this show apart from others in the 'Everyday person does crime (poorly)' genre was its comedic lightness, strong friendship element, relatability and emphasis on girl power.

a) By season 2, the lightness was already slowly disappearing to make way for season 3's darkness. (Quite literally; this show said sunlight scenes for WHO.) It also stopped being as fun. Remember how it genuinely used to be fun? I mean let's not forget The Best Scene Ever where Ruby shoots Big Mike by accident and we all laughed our asses off. (Compare and contrast to a similar-in-tone-and-context scene -- or even the whole episode -- like Boomer popping up behind them as Rio's package in season 3.) I think season 3 had some great lines and laughs, but in general, the fun element was completely missing for me.

b) As was the friendship. We already know Annie and Ruby basically became Beth's backup dancers in season 2, but at least then they still seemed to have some type of agency. In season 3, they rarely question Beth's (truly questionable) decisions, don't talk to her about shit like why she's still with her horrible husband and have very few true friendship moments as they did in season 1.

c) Which made it less relatable, but what also contributed was the major plot holes (it's less easy to relate when you're constantly having to remind yourself to suspend your disbelief). And, to be honest, their stupid actions. Just the most common-sense things weren't followed, like not taking your children to a crack den or not putting a hit out on a gang leader. It's frustrating watching a TV show -- where characters are supposed to learn things, have arcs and improve over time -- and feeling like you have more logical sense than all the main characters in every scene. (WHO would think a hitman was going to use a sniper rifle on people in broad daylight on the side of the road???)

d) You don't have to look any further than the title or the stans who shout "THE SHOW IS ABOUT THE GIRLS" -- or, hell, the first 10 seconds of the show where Sara is literally talking about the glass ceiling -- to know that the main characters being women is very important to the show. If not formally feminist, it was at least supposed to be empowering or feel like "girl power" (a term I hate, but we won't get into that now).

And I think it did it pretty well in season 1 -- it actually played on my favourite theme of the show, which is the world's perception of these women being what ultimately allows them to get away with so much. (Rife with opportunities for commentary about white privilege, but also a genius way to upend patriarchal beliefs.) But more and more it seemed like the show was asking you to accept empowerment as simply "these things are being done by women, yay".

And, well.

2. Its marketing

I'll keep this one short because I think we all know how messed up this situation is. Basically they're selling a show (every week!) that they're not making while ignoring all feedback on every social media platform. Which brings us to...

3. The marriage of Death

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times -- Beth's character development starts with getting rid of Dean. Her growth is stunted by him on multiple fronts and it's frustrating to viewers since she's constantly put forth as the main character. Not to mention how the audience, separately from Beth, was originally conditioned to see Dean as the scum of the earth (think of scenes like him crashing his car because he was perving on a woman jogging) so keeping them together is really... a choice. To actively root for this marriage (which seems like what the show wants, at least for the protracted moment) means either thinking Dean is a great person (which, as I said, we've only seen the opposite of) or believing he's all Beth deserves. Which leads me to...

4. Beth's (socio)path(y)

Is sociopath a 'good' word? Probably not. Have I seen dozens upon dozens of posts talking about whether Beth is one? Yes. And I see it from a huge variety of people -- from viewers who just binged the show last weekend to those who've been watching for years, the question keeps coming up. And I entirely blame the writing of the show that, by the way, I don't believe is deliberately creating Beth to get this reaction. I think she's written (and, to an extent, acted) in a way that is much too aloof and I'm not convinced it's meant to come off as cold and unfeeling as it does. Everything else leads me to believe that the audience is supposed to root for Beth, but it's just so difficult.

Beth does a lot of messed up shit that requires dialogue to sympathise with her and the inner workings of her mind, but in the later seasons Beth rarely gets to express herself verbally. And every time she does get to speak about her emotions, the dialogue is a pick-your-own-adventure between "She's in so much denial", "This person feels no emotions" and "I'll go find an analysis/fic later to explain this" (scenes like "Nothing" or "I was just bored"). Compare and contrast with some of the great scenes in season 1 where she emotes, like her paralysing shock after they first rob the store or admitting she enjoys crime, or (one of my favourites!) the one in the park where she's mimicking the other mothers beside her.

5. Brio

I said in the beginning that I was shocked Rio doesn't get mentioned until this point and that's because I've always felt like he was an integral part of the show. When people say the show is about the girls, they're truncating -- the show is about the girls getting into crime. That crime is represented by Rio over and over again -- they never bring in another criminal at his level (which is another one of its flaws, but that's also a different post); Rio is it.

And though I stand by Rio's importance, the truth is that Brio isn't as essential to the show, by which I mean that if all of the above were done well, it wouldn't be as sorely missed. In lieu of riveting plot, a fun friendship, character development and empowerment, most viewers have glommed onto Brio like a lifeboat (or ship, heh).

Unfortunately it's also what the show has most stubbornly refused to develop significantly.

It's honestly a toss-up for why I feel Brio is a flaw: is the flaw that they got together? That they never got together well enough? That the writing keeps bringing in these 'chemistry-filled' scenes that are ultimately filled with air?

I don't know. Maybe all of them; maybe just one, depending on the day.

6. Its criticism falls flat without intersectionality

This is a big one because Good Girls is *trying* to do something very clever. As mentioned previously, my favourite theme of the show is how the women's apparent innocence/vulnerability in the eyes of society is their biggest strength. The show plays with this and other interesting themes with varying levels of success, but ultimately they all fall a little flat when they don't feel intersectional.

When Ruby gets sidelined. When Turner, who sees and all but calls out by name Beth's privilege, is portrayed as the villain. When Rio is told he's gonna "pop a cap" in his young child's "ass". When the racist grandma becomes a sympathetic character whom we must later grieve. (And she really didn't have to be racist, now that I think about it? It was just that one line for laughs and that was it.) When, despite the real-world implications, Dean can loudly announce in a store that he's buying a gun to kill someone with and the show just glides past it. When Ruby has to grovel for forgiveness from Beth for trying to protect her husband and family from the system, with no acknowledgement from Beth about how their realities are different. When Rhea gets booted off the show as soon as she's done serving Beth's plot. When Rio gets treated like a prostitute for absolutely no reason. (Oh, and is accused of raping Beth and is literally spoken of as an animal and starts only existing in zero dim lighting as a one-dimensional stereotype... the list goes on.)

7. PR/The actors

I'll risk my life here to sprinkle this in because I do think it's a massive problem. The Manny/Christina of it all is just the tip of the iceberg (although wtf Good Girls? There's nothing you could do to get these two into an interview together??). The main actors do the bare minimum to promote the show and it's weird. I also think it's the height of unprofessionalism to keep characters on the show against the wishes of the majority of the audience just because you enjoy their actors (Boomer confirmed; Dean highly suspected). While, on the flip side of the coin, limiting a character's screentime because you aren't best buddies with them. Having less and less Rio when he's such a fan favourite is dumb; as is not including him in any series marketing material. It feels personal and that isn't how a TV show should be run.

8. The entire hair and wardrobe department needs a stern talking-to

Hell Was The Journey

Summary: Max and Spencer's almost meet...two times before they do

Word Count: 1769

Authors Note: I love Max. I love Spencer and Max's relationship. I also LOVE Taylor Swift, so when I was listening to invisible string I couldn't help but wonder how that'd be a cute Maxcer fic. So here I am! I made a separate account to post this. I hope you enjoy!

p.s this isn't probably the first fic inspired by that song, but I am pretty sure it is the first Maxer one. Please correct me if I'm wrong!

4x8

Max let out a deep sigh as she checked her watch. She had an hour before she had to head to her student teaching placement, an hour she wouldn’t have if her professor didn’t end class early.

“Come on Max, let’s act like college students and do something on campus” her classmate Leah said.

Before Max could respond, Leah had already pulled Max off to a direction.

“You know we could be lesson planning. Or even better, go somewhere to eat!” Max grumbled as she would have preferred to spend the hour decompressing her teaching credential program’s tough schedule. Although she looked forward to seeing her students and loved being able to share the passion of art with others, Max still couldn’t help but wonder if this was what she was supposed to do with her life. She followed her mom’s advice about pursuing something she loved, but an art history degree unfortunately isn’t getting her job interviews.

Ignoring her, Leah stopped at a bulletin board that listed all the current events that were going on campus. “Max! They are holding an FBI recruitment seminar in a few minutes, we should go!”

“I don’t think the FBI will be impressed with my 5’2 stature and art history degree” Max snorts and shakes her head. “Besides, we are pretty knee deep in another career path.”

“I know that, but who knows who we’ll meet. Maybe some cute guys are interested, or better yet, maybe there’s some hot FBI agents here already. Let’s go!!” Without giving Max the second to respond, Leah at pulled her off to the direction of the building the FBI seminar was held.

They arrived a few minutes before it started. The presenter was an older man, who seemed to be already chatting with another attendee, who seemed to be dressed to impress wearing a suit and tie. It wasn’t until the younger man turned around that his holstered weapon was visible.

“What have I been doing wrong if he’s in the FBI. He looks about our age” Leah whispered.

Before Max could respond, her phone starting buzzing. Leah sent Max death glares as she picked up the phone, her brother-in-law Jared doesn’t call her unless it’s important.

“Hello?”

“Michelle’s in labor! We’re on our way to the hospital now. Meet us when you can!” Jared hung up right after his last words, probably calling the rest of the family.

After a few seconds of shock and the reality that her sister was going to be a mother, and Max would be an aunt registered, Max gathered her things right as the presenters started introducing themselves.

“Hello, good afternoon my name is David Rossi and I hav-“Leah looked at Max waiting for an answer as to why she was just leaving so quick.

“Sorry I’ll call you later” Max whispered, “let me know how it goes!” She slides out the door and starts running towards her car, knowing she will be meeting her niece or nephew very soon

10x9

Max couldn’t believe the news about her friend Jessica. Although her and Jessica haven’t been close ever since she went behind Max’s back and dated Mike Davis a week after they broke up, she was still horrified and saddened by the details of her death. Max knew that Jessica wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but she was a business owner, and her responses were always out of fear and stress about making ends meet.

She had already been in contact with other mutual friends she shared with Jessica, and she began scrolling through old pictures she had.

Max thought for a very long time that Mike Davis was going to be the man she’d marry. After a tough time getting a steady teaching job and losing her mother, Max so desperately wanted something she could say was hers. This led to her moving quickly with Mike and missing (and ignoring) the clear red flags. Even after the cheating and lying, Max was willing to forgive Mike. No matter how many times they broke up, Max always hoped for the day Mike would just pick her, and only her.

Feeling guilty about practically ending her friendship over a guy like that, Max sighed as she grabbed her keys to head to work. That’s when she jumped over her phone ringing.

“Hello?”

“Hello, is this Maxine Brenner?” a deep voice asked.

“Yes, yes this is her. May I ask who I’m speaking with?”

“My name is Aaron Hotchner, I work with the FBI and I’m calling to ask you questions about your friend, Jessica Harris. She had you listed as an emergency contact.”

Max’s heart stopped. She didn’t know. “Yes, yes of course. We haven’t been in contact as much, but I want to help however I can.”

“Would you be able to stop by our office this morning?”

Max bit her lip. She had already used all personal and sick days, and her current principal was everything but understanding. “I’m on my way to work right now, and unfortunately won’t have time until this afternoon.”

“I understand. Give me a second and I’ll connect you with another agent who can talk to you on the phone, and they’ll see if you should come down again this afternoon.” At the bureau, Aaron looks out his office window. He sees Spencer looking at the board of the case with the pictures of the victims and their location.

Aaron steps out of his office, enough for Spencer to hear him, “Hey Reid, I have a contact that knows Jessica on the phone right now, can you ask her some questions?”

Spencer doesn’t turn around. “I can’t right at this moment, I’m still putting together information about our other victim”

Aaron scans the room and noticed Anderson without a task. “Anderson! I’m gonna patch you with someone who knew one of our victims. If anything seems worthy have her come down this afternoon.”

Max twiddled her thumb until finally she hears another voice, “Hello, my name is Agent Anderson and I’ll be asking you a few questions about Jessica.”

During her entire commute, Max answered questions about Jessica truthfully. She winced when she realized she didn’t have many good things to say about her. Agent Anderson thanked her, and as of right now he doesn’t see a need for her to come down. Max thanked him and grabbed her things and walked towards her school. She knew her students would be able to make her smile.

15x4

It was Saturday morning and Max smiled as her nephew talked about school over breakfast. Her nephew was almost as tall as she was, but she still remembers how small he was when she first held him all those years.

She finally felt like she was in a good place. After many years of struggling silently Max got the strength to go to therapy and take the time and energy to truly heal. It was hard, she always found pride in her independence and her high walls. The decision to go wasn’t easy, but when she realized how much it was affecting her relationship with Sammy, she knew she had to go. For the first time, she talked about her childhood and the pressure of growing behind her sister Michelle’s shadow, losing her mother and her toxic, fast paced and short lived relationships.

For almost two years, she had been applying the advice her therapist had gave her. She took care of herself, began putting effort in her relationships with her family, especially Michelle, and instead of ignoring the topic of her mother, she talked and remembered her fondly. She even got in touch with a headhunter, considering maybe it was time to leave teaching and find something that was meant for her. The other day she even thought about asking her brother-in-law if any of his coworkers were single, but she didn’t because she still wasn’t sure she was ready for that.

“Max, can we get cinnamon rolls at the coffee shop we always go with my mom?” Sammy looked up with big puppy dogs eyes.

“Sammy, we just finished eating. You sure you have room?” Max raised her eyebrow as she paid the bill.

Sammy thought for a minute, “I actually don’t know. But the park is right there so we can always go there for a bit.”

“Mhhh,” Max thought for a minute herself. She looked out and saw that it was a beautiful day in D.C and she would appreciate more time with her nephew, “Alright, let’s swing by the park!”

When they got there, the parking was full. She did a few laps, and she was ready to give up, “Sammy, I don’t think it’s possible we’re gonna have to try again another time.” Max turned her blinker to turn on the road again to drop Sammy off at his house.

“Awe come on Max! It’ll be quick I promise!” Sammy gave his best puppy eyes and Max knew who would get their way.

She turned her car around and parked on a no parking area and turned to Sammy. “We have to be SO quick.”

Sometime past season 15

Max looked out the window of her dad’s house as she plans the summer programs for the Smithsonian. Spencer was teaching Sammy a new magic trick as the rest of her family preps dinner outside. It had been almost two years since that Saturday at the park. Something that wouldn’t have happened if she didn’t make that spur of a moment decision.

Spencer and Max had already realized the two times their paths would have crossed. It was more decisions that delayed their meeting, but they both agreed that they were supposed to meet on that Saturday. They had to go through things, change, hurt and grow to be the person they were today. The person that was right for the other.

Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven.

Max put her things away. There was something that connected her with Spencer, and today, she thanked that thing a little more. She reached her bag that had a positive pregnancy test. Holding it close to her heart, she thought back of all the things that had happened, and she would do it again to be with Spencer and grow their family.

Spencer saw Max walking down to join them, he grins and thinks to himself he will never get over seeing her. He still feels like that Saturday night when he found her again after waiting in the hospital.

“Took you long enough” Spencer says as he laugh

Change Your Mind

Summary: Calum runs into an old flame

Word Count: 2.4k

And away, and away we go!

__

“C’mon!” Calum laughed, grabbing her hand and breaking out into a run, the night air cool on his face.

“Cal, wait!” she laughed along with him, breathless as he dragged her along. “My legs aren’t as long as yours!”

“Here!” he said, an idea coming to him. He stopped in his tracks, crouching slightly. “Hop on.”

She jumped on his back, wrapping her legs over his hips and her arms around his neck.

“Aw!” Michael’s girlfriend, Amanda, mock-pouted at the blonde, swatting at his arm. “Why can’t you carry me like that?”

Michael side-stepped away from his girlfriend. “I can either hold you, or the baby. Which is it?”

“Don’t you dare drop my baby, Clifford. That’s precious cargo.”

“Your baby? Last I checked it was our baby.”

“Cutest boy this world has ever seen!” Y/N called out from her spot on Calum’s back.

“Hey!” Calum protested, loosening his hold on her legs like he was gonna drop her.

“Calum!” she shrieked.

He laughed as he tightened his grip. “Better watch yourself.”

“You wouldn’t really drop me, would you?” Her voice was a whisper by his ear.

He tilted his head to the side to flash her a grin. “Never, baby. I’ll always catch you.”

“Mmm, you better,” she warned, kissing at his cheek.

“Fuck, this is amazing isn’t it?” Amanda asked as she laid down in the grassy field. “It’s like the whole world is spread out before us.”

“Today, high school graduates. Tomorrow… who knows! We’ll make it up as we go!” Michael said with a grin.

“Tomorrow, London,” Calum came up with his answer. “We’re gonna be rockstars, Mike.”

In that moment, staring up at the night sky, the four friends’ futures never looked brighter or more tightly intertwined.

~Ten Years Later~

“Mike? You get one of these too?” Calum asked, flashing an envelope with their high school crest on it.

“Yup,” Michael responded, not tearing his eyes away from the screen and the video game he was playing with his son, Lincoln. “Can’t believe it’s already been ten years.”

“I can,” came Amanda’s slight scoff. “We got the time stamp to prove it, Mikey.” She ruffled both her husband’s and son’s hair with either of her hands.

“You say ‘time stamp’ I say ‘son.’”

“You say ‘son’ I say ‘winner’!” the ten year old boy gloated, rising to his feet for a victory dance.

“What?!” Michael stared at the screen in disbelief, setting his controller aside. “How in the?!”

“In yo face!” Lincoln continued to boast.

“Oh, yeah?” Michael asked before charging to tickle his son’s sides while the boy broke out into a high-pitched giggle.

“Mikey, stop. The boy can’t breathe. Look, he’s turning pink,” Amanda scolded.

Michael let go, looking over at his wife innocently. “So, did you wanna go to this reunion?”

“Yeah. I’d love to see Y/N again. She hasn’t seen Link since he was a baby. Oh! And we can finally meet her daughter!”

“Babe!” Michael hissed, but the damage was done.

“Y/N has a daughter?” Calum asked, body snapping to attention.

“Yeah…” his friends admitted.

“Hmm… good for her. How old?”

“Uh…”

“How old is she?” Calum repeated, gritting his teeth, his brown eyes darkening.

“Cal…” Michael started, keeping his voice low. “She made us swear not to tell you.”

“HOW OLD IS SHE?!” Calum barked, grabbing Michael by the front of his shirt. “TELL ME!”

“9! She’s 9!” The woman told him, her voice shaking.

Calum released Michael, slumping back like he had the wind knocked out of him. “9?” he croaked, tears springing to his eyes. “Is she…?” He pointed at himself

Michael nodded. “Yeah, mate. Look, this wasn’t how you were supposed to find out...”

“How the fuck was I supposed to find out then?! You two lied to me for 9 fuckin’ years! She lied to me!”

“I know! But we didn’t want to! We begged her to tell you. But she had convinced herself it wasn’t worth bothering you about. That she’d figure out a way to tell you. Mate, you gotta believe me. We wouldn’t have hidden this from you if we had a choice.”

Calum hung his head in his hands. “I can’t believe this… I can’t believe this is happening… I think I’m gonna be sick…”

“D- do you want to see pictures?”

The man nodded, and Michael fiddled around on his phone. “I saved all the pictures into an album. Here.”

Calum took the phone in shaking fingers, slowly scrolling through someone’s lifetime. His daughter’s lifetime. “Fuck… she looks just like Y/N…”

“Funny. Y/N says she looks like you.”

“Yeah, I can see it a little in her face. Are my cheeks really that squishy?”

“Yes,” was the laughed response.

Calum sighed, passing the phone back. “So, when do we leave?”

~~~

Calum spotted her the second he walked in the hotel ballroom, nostalgia hitting him like a tidal wave. Every promise whispered on skin they had broken with goodbye flashed in his head like a movie as he made his way to her. He didn’t know if he was more angry, or just flat out crushed. “What’s her name?” he asked once he was in earshot.

“Wow. That’s gotta be a record for the Cliffords. Never were the type to keep a secret.”

“Don’t deflect the blame on them. What’s her name?”

“Ari.”

“Why?”

“Cuz she needed a name.”

Calum breathed slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he rephrased.

“It wasn’t your business.”

“Wasn’t my business?! She’s my daughter, Y/N!”

“Lower your fuckin’ voice!” she snarled, looking around the room before gripping his upper arm and pushing him outside like a scolded toddler.

“I want to meet her.”

Y/N scoffed. “Yeah. Fat chance of that happening.”

“Oh, so you're just gonna keep me from her for the second half of her life, too?”

“Half of her life? She’s 9, Calum.”

“That’s halfway to 18.”

“Not everyone leaves their family at 18 like you did Cal! Some people actually stay!”

“Excuse me?! That’s why?! You kept my daughter from me out of spite?! Because I had the guts to make something of myself?! In case you didn’t notice, Mike had the same story we did, and he got to do it with his kid!”

“You think you’re the only one who could be somebody?! I’ve busted my ass for the last decade to forget about all the promises we broke! And I did it all while raising the reminder of everything we were, and everything we were too scared we could be!”

“We were supposed to be somebodies together!”

“You left me!”

“I didn’t do it on purpose! I had to do what was best for me!”

“I did too!”

“I’m never gonna forgive you for this…”

“Good thing I never asked you to.”

“Oh, I can’t believe you! Who are you protecting? Her? Or you? I’m not the bad guy here. You’re the one who made a huge ass decision about our lives without talking to me about it.”

“Kinda like you did?”

“When did I ever do something without talking about it with you first?! I asked you to come with me to London. You didn’t want to. I said let’s try to make it work. You didn’t want that either.”

“We didn’t talk through shit, Cal. You talked. But you always had your mind made up before you ever opened your mouth. And you still do.”

“Then you should know that I’ll do whatever it takes to meet her.”

“Fine. She has a soccer game in the morning. I guess you could come to that.”

“She plays soccer?”

“Of course she plays soccer. She’s yours, ain’t she? Memorial Park. 9am. Don’t you dare be late.”

“I’ll be there. And hey, you look good by the way.”

“Ew,” she scoffed, but even in the dim lighting he saw her cheeks pinken. “You look… alright I guess. Your curls always did suit you better in my opinion.”

~~~

Even if Calum hadn’t seen the pictures of Ari, he would have been able to pick her out of a crowd with her wild, dark curls held out of her face in a ponytail as she ran about the field. Calum and Y/N sat in tense, but not uncomfortable silence next to each other in the stands before Calum finally spoke up at the start of the second half. “You know you robbed me of 9 years worth of mornings like this?”

“5, actually. She’s been playing since she was 4.”

“Was talking about mornings spent watching our daughter, but I’m glad you agree with me.”

“I didn’t ‘rob’ you out of spite, Calum. I know you already made up your mind that I did. And if that’s what you’re determined to believe, I don’t particularly care all that much. Like I said last night, it’s not like I’m asking you to forgive me.”

“If you think my mind’s made up, then you shouldn’t see an issue with telling me why. Humor me.”

“It’s because we didn’t need you. And I don’t say that to hurt you.”

He scoffed. “Could’ve fooled me. Were you ever going to tell me?”

“I thought about it a lot. But the longer time went on, the harder it became. I mean, I didn’t find out I was pregnant until you were already gone. I was 18 and alone. Did I make mistakes along the way? Yeah, probably. But I did what I thought was best. And calling you up in tears so you could give up your dream of being a rockstar to rescue us wasn’t on that list. I didn’t want you to resent me more than you already did.”

“I couldn’t resent you if I tried. And trust me… I tried. You should’ve told me.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. But we didn’t need you, Cal. And you didn’t need us. And all three of us turned into the people we were supposed to be.”

“Agree to disagree. You may not have needed me, but maybe I needed you guys. And maybe the person I was supposed to be was supposed to be a dad to our daughter. And I may not be able to get these last nine years back, but I’ll be damned if I don’t get the next nine. And all the years after that.”

She shook her head, eyes rolling behind her sunglasses. “It’s not that simple, Cal. You can’t undo the damage we dealt with some inspiring words.”

“And who’s fault is that? Look, I’m not saying it’s gonna be easy. But I want to be in her life. You gotta trust me here.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, Cal. It’s not like you ran away. I mean, you did. But I had my chance to go with you. And I had my chance to try and make it work. And I haven’t asked you to forgive me because I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I had our two best friends lie for me because I was too scared to confront you myself. And I lied to myself by saying I was doing it for your sake. So you could live your dream. I saw how hard it was for Amanda and Michael in the beginning. I wanted better for us. And I’m willing to admit that maybe I went about it the wrong way. But playing these maybe/maybe not scenarios isn’t going to change the past.”

“I’m not looking to change the past, Y/N. I just want to be in her future. Don’t you think I have that right?”

“Yes. And that breaks my heart, Cal.”

“How does th-?” he asked in confusion, before the realization hit. “Oh… Because you made up your mind that I just want her. That I’ll never be over what you did to even contemplate wanting you too. Guess I’ll just have to change your mind.”

She blinked, not believing she heard him correctly. “Y- you want me too?”

“How could I want my daughter, and not the woman who gave her to me? Yes, I want you too.”

“Cal…” she warned tearfully. “If you’re lying, I’ll never forgive you.”

“And if I’m telling the truth?”

“I just might have to kiss you.”

“Pucker up, sweetheart. Been waiting 10 years for this kiss, so you can bet it’ll be a long one.”

“Who are you, and why are you trying to kiss my mom?” a small voice demanded.

Y/N snickered into her hand while Calum took in the girl with her hands on her hips and a fiery look in her eyes. “Ari, sweetheart, this is my old friend, Calum.”

Ari looked Calum up and down skeptically, her hands coming off her hips so she could cross her arms over her chest. “That answers the first part of my question…”

“Ari!” Y/N gasped in shock.

“What? I’m not wrong. Now, why are you trying to kiss my mom, Calum?” She cocked her head to the side waiting for an answer.

“Because that’s what adults do when they love each other,” Calum answered, taking the path of least resistance.

“No… when adults love each other they have se-”

Y/N’s eyes went wide as her hand flashed out to cover Ari’s mouth, pulling the girl towards her. “That’s enough out of you. Would you behave? Please?”

The girl huffed, rolling her eyes. “Fmm!” was the muffled response. She huffed again when her mouth was uncovered, hands brushing down the front of her jersey with unnecessary sass. “So, you love my mom?”

“Yes. Very much so.”

“Good. Because she loves you, too.”

“Oh, does she?” Calum asked with a smirk. “And how do you feel about me?”

“Mmmm… you’re alright I guess. As long as you don’t try to kiss my mom in front of me again.”

“Ari?” Y/N asked softly.

“What?! That was nice!”

“Get your stuff. I’ll meet you at the car.”

“Ew! You are gonna kiss him!” the girl squealed with a shudder, before running off to get her things.

“So, where were we?” Calum asked, rising to feet and closing the distance between him and Y/N.

“Right about here,” she breathed, stretching up on her toes to greet his lips.

“Ari! Who’s that kissing your mom?!” one of Ari’s teammates asked her as they giggled into their hands.

Both Y/N and Calum could hear the eye roll in their daughter’s voice as she answered with a sigh, “Oh, that’s just my dad.”

__

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Survey #433

“i really wish that you could help, but my head is like a carousel: i’m going ‘round in circles”

Would you rather visit Rome or Spain? Rome. Do you really care what’s going on in celebrities' lives? Depends on the person. If I have a big interest in them, like Mark, then yes, because I care about that person and want to know they're well. Have you ever broke a plate/bowl? Accidentally. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? I don't think so. Can you do a backwards London bridges? Hell no, I'd bust my ass and spine. Are any of your pets “overweight”? Why the quotations? But anyway, no. Has anyone ever bought you a ring? Yeah. What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? The breakup with my first real bf. And well yeah, it resulted in PTSD. It sounds so overdramatic, I know, but I'm not even remotely exaggerating. Live a day in my head and tell me it's not actual trauma. If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? God no, not right now. I am not in a position to be married right now. Think back to your most important relationship, was it all your fault it’s over? My damaged side wants to say yes, but I know to be realistic, we both failed in unique areas. He didn't communicate, and I just put too much weight on him. What was your first alcoholic drink? A Mike's Hard Lemonade. What were the first lessons you ever took? Ummm I want to say choir? Did you ever go to a mental hospital? Multiple times. Do you believe that weed should be legalized? Yes. Have you ever had a significant other with a mental disorder? Yes. If you could transform into something, what would that something be? Uhhh idk. Maybe a cat? Out of 10, (10 being really shy) how shy are you? Oh, easily a 10. When was the first moment you discovered love? I actually don't really know the moment I realized I was in love w/ Jason. It was a gradual thing, so no one occasion stands out. What’s the best mistake you’ve ever made? Well, I suppose accepting Jason's Facebook friend request because I thought he was a different Jason. I can't think of many good mistakes I've made... Even the one I mentioned, it's debatable how good that one was. I really do wonder how different my life would be if I declined it. What do you think of frogs? I love frogs! They're so cute and derpy. :') Who did you last worry about and why? My cat, because he was apparently hiding somewhere and Mom couldn't find him. Who did you last feel sorry for and why? Sara, because of health stuff she's dealing with. Is there a name that you can’t stand but it’s the name of a loved one? It sucks, I feel like this burning in my stomach a lot of the time when I hear "Ashley" because that was Jason's girlfriend after me. But I have a sister with the same name. Are you currently looking for a new place to live? I'm not, and I don't think Mom actively is, though we both want to move. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? I don't think I ever have. Well... maybe once? idr Do you believe there’s a devil? No. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Have you ever been on an island? Yes, actually. Did you watch the last presidential inauguration? I've never watched one. Have you ever been a fan of The Killers? I don't consider myself a true "fan," no. I only like two songs that I know. Do you have your own lighter (why or why not)? No, because I don't need one? Do you believe in miracles (why or why not)? No. I just don't. Everything has the have a cause and reason. How often do you sleep naked? Never. Are you looking forward to your prom? If you already went, how was it? I went twice, and it was fun. I especially loved having the pictures taken that I regret wiping from the face of the earth. Prom itself was pretty bland each time, like you can't hear shit and they just play awful music, but still. I was a teenager with a very fairytale outlook on love and wanted to just feel like I was in one I guess. Do you prefer Quizno's or Subway and why? I don't think I've ever tried Quizno's, actually. What’s one of your best memories from during a rain storm? I don't know. Why did you need your most recent x-ray and what were the results? It was to see if I broke my foot, I think? If that's the one, then no. I also had my legs x-rayed at some point to see if they could find any damage there because of my extreme weakness in them, but there wasn't. Do people more often mistake you as being younger or older than you are? I actually don't know. Have you ever made out with someone you weren’t dating? No. Do you know anybody who was abused? Yes. Have you ever touched an elephant? No. How many siblings do you have? I have five I "count," but I do have another half-sister on my dad's side that I don't know. I want to, but yeah... it just hasn't happened. Do you get bored of your girlfriend/boyfriend easily? I've never gotten bored of any s/o I've had. Who do you want for president? I voted for Biden. Do you think abortions are horrible? No. Forcing someone to undergo what can easily be considered a traumatic experience is horrible. Do you enjoy drama? Ugh, no. Have you ever had a guinea pig for a pet? I've had a few. Were you/are you popular in school? No. I was very much under the radar and mostly stuck to myself and a small group of friends. What brand clothing do you wear the most? No clue. Have you ever studied any new age or occult religions such as Wicca? Yes, actually, when I was leaning towards Neo-Paganism. I did research into some of its branches, such as Wicca. Are you a wrestling fan? Not at all. I honestly think it's dumb. What’s the longest movie you’ve ever watched? I want to say Troy? It never felt THAT long to me though because I love it. Have you ever been on a subway? No. Do you think spending a ridiculously large amount of money on one designer item is stupid? It sure as hell isn't for me; I lean towards people can spend their hard-earned money on whatever they want, BUT I do feel that they could still spend their money on more important things. Do you find baths relaxing? No, they gross me out. Do you have any hats? I probably still have the hat Dad got me at a Carolina Hurricanes hockey game somewhere, but idk where. Has any part of your house ever been flooded? Not on the interior, no. Have you ever been interested in learning about murderers or murder cases? Not especially. Is there anyone that you’re worried about right now? Who and why? I'm just about praying Sara's new med for her POTS helps. I think me worrying how Jason is doing after his mother's death is gonna be a permanent fixture in the back of my head... If you won a lot of money, would you donate any of it? To what organization would you donate it? Oh, absolutely. I'd have to do some research first, but the Trevor Project comes to mind immediately, as well as ones that protect wildlife, help the mentally ill, fight cancer... Are you a competitive person? What are you most competitive about? Not really, no. I have my areas where I'm more likely to feel it than others, but it's generally mild. I'm not too sure what I'm most competitive about, but maybe outdoing other hunters in WoW since that's my main class that I've played religiously for years. Have you ever adopted a stray animal? Yes. What do you appreciate most about your parent(s)? The fact they somehow still support me even though I'm like... this. I feel like I should've exhausted their faith by now. Do you believe America should legalize drugs? If you think they should legalize only some drugs, which drugs do you think they should legalize? I only support the legalization of weed. What is your biggest turn-off of a person (besides physically)? Arrogance, probably. Or being aggressive/explosive. What song cover do you like better than the original? "Sound of Silence" by Disturbed, for one. That one's easy. If you could find one long-lost friend of the past, who would it be? Megan. I want her to know I forgive her and miss her friendship. What holiday do you enjoy the most? Christmas. (: Were you born in the state you live in? Yep. Have you ever lived in a house that has been broken into? No, but almost. Who do you know that watches the most sports? Probably my dad? Idk. Do you like South Park? Not really. Are you good at bowling? No. Made out for more than 3 minutes? Three minutes is nothin' lmao. Have you ever gone snorkeling or scuba diving? If yes, what’s the coolest thing you’ve seen? No, but I'd love to. What’s your favorite filling in chocolates? Caramel. What do you remember from sex ed class when you were younger? Abstinence was the only option. Heteronormativity. What’s the first instrument you ever played? Ha, a recorder back in elementary school. Have you ever had a friend break up with a bf/gf for you? Essentially. We didn't date, but that's why he broke up with her, because he wanted me instead. Do you see a bright light at the end of your tunnel? I don't like thinking about this. I can only hope there is, but I doubt it a lot. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No. Is there such a thing as being too rich or too poor? "Too poor" is very obviously a thing??? "Too rich" is more complicated to me, as I can see both sides to it. Like it's your hard-earned money, but at the same time, is it really necessary at a certain point? Like start donating regularly or something. Do something good. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? Depends on how expensive, I suppose, and what you use it for. What’s your largest bill? Electric, gas, phone, etc. I don't have any of my own bills. It's embarrassing by this age. Do you like your job? I'd like to even have a job... What is your favorite song and why? "False Flags" by Massive Attack, because it's so poetically haunting in its message of how fucked up politics are. Its monotonous tone also adds another layer of sadness to it, like a reminder of how "normal" and bland and unsurprising everything is, no matter how horrible... I could honestly probably write an essay on how I interpret the song, especially if you add in the incredible symbolism of such a simplistic music video. Are you introverted or extroverted? I am very introverted. If you’re married and your spouse cheated on you, would you forgive them? Nope, byeeeee~ Who knows the real you the most? Sara, really. How old is the oldest person you’ve had sexual relations with? He'd be 27 now. Have you been upset the past few days? My PTSD has been kinda vicious the past couple days, especially today. Then earlier at my nephew's b-day party I had to nearly bite my fucking tongue off with that family's political bullshit. My anger really flared up a few times hearing despicable shit, but I think I concealed it fine by just not saying a word. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever thought of doing for a job? Nothing "crazy," really... Who was your first celebrity crush? Jesse McCartney had my young heart, ha ha. When did you last see or speak to someone you dislike? Why do you dislike this person? Today, at my nephew's aforementioned b-day party. I in specific don't like my sister's husband because he's sexist, racist, homophobic, bigoted... I could go on and on. We don't just have "different opinions," we have different morals entirely. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. I don't sing a lot. Can you remember the last time you felt emotional? What was the reason? Today. PTSD is a bitch. What if you were told that your life has to stay exactly as it is right now, and nothing will ever change? How would you feel about that? Quite honestly, I don't think I would want to live anymore. Have you ever been to the hospital for something really serious? I'd consider an OD on cold medicine to be serious, but then again, I experienced almost no effects from it. Idk if I just got fluids fast enough or what, but whatever it was, I'm thankful for. Are you excited for winter? UGGGHHHH BRING IT ONNNNNNN. Have you ever had a moment with someone you like that seemed like a movie moment? Many. What are you listening to right now? "Down In The Park" by Marilyn Manson. What’s your favourite flavour of iced tea? Tea is gross. Have you ever been to a casino? If so, which one(s)? No. Have you ever visited a sex shop? I haven't. Have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? NOOOOOOOO. I could never do that. What’s your favourite place to get pizza? Literally Domino's, lmao. I am so basic. Do you have a lock number or pattern for your phone? No. There sure isn't anything important on it. What’s the most number of people you’ve ever lived with? Five.

Sneak peak for next chapter ?

A sneak peak, you say? Why, don’t mind if I do.

(fair warning, if you think you’re gonna get any resolution out of this, you boutta be disappointed because ahead lies only pain - pain for as far as the eye can see....)

----------

It takes approximately half a nanosecond for Mike to realize just how much he fucked up.

Actually, to be perfectly honest, he knew he’d fucked up from the moment he snapped at El when she told him she knows about probably the most embarrassing experience of his entire life. 

Mike knows he was beyond wrong to lash out at her – knew it in the moment, too. But it was like El had touched on a raw nerve in an open wound and he swiped at her like a wounded animal backed into a corner, acting on instinct instead of reason.

But, for as much as Mike knows he’s fucked up, he’s utterly paralyzed as he watches El walk out of his room… and away from him. He can hear the sickening echo of their parting words loop over and over in his brain (I guess we’re done here, then – Guess we are). And, with each loop, it warms until it’s like the horror movie funhouse version: unrecognizably familiar.

Mike can hear himself agreeing with El’s far-too-cold declaration that their relationship or whatever it actually was – 

(relationship, partnership, forever, his heart clamors from the protective corner he’s locked it in, the part of him that knows without a shadow of a doubt that he’ll never feel about anyone the way he feels about el.)

– is over and he can’t fucking believe those words came from his mouth, that he so readily and easily said them.

And the fact that all of this has happened, all in the span of less than 10 minutes, leaves him numb and dizzy, brain flubbing with disbelief as he stands there frozen in place, El having just disappeared from view.

In fact, it’s only when he hears the distant sounds of the front door opening and shutting does any kind of movement come back to his limbs and his brain.

“Fuck.” The word spills from between his lips, tumbling out beyond his control. And it’s like the simple utterance unlocks the floodgates of his brain. “Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!” Mike kicks at the underside of his bed, shin striking the frame and shaking the entire thing. Pain slices up his leg, but it’s nothing compared to the pain pounding away in his heart.

The full weight of what just happened is finally dawning on him, revealing the gaping chasm of heartbreak and regret he’s in the middle of falling into. And, the worst part, is that it’s all his fault.

What has he done? God, what has he done?

Mike turns and collapses onto the edge of his bed, head falling into his hands. He closes his eyes, like it’ll block everything out. But the movie reel of the last 10 minutes just runs over and over again and the only thing closing his eyes does is trap the tears that spring up so they can burn against his flesh.

Mike presses the heels of his palms against his closed eyes, but the tears continue to flow, spilling out from behind his eyelids and past his hands.

Mike can’t believe – just can’t – how much has changed in what feels like a blink of an eye. One minute, he had everything and now he has nothing….

Only, that’s not true, is it? He hasn’t had anything in a long time. In fact, all he had was El and naturally he screwed that all up. 

The sudden shift in equilibrium feels like someone’s doused him with ice water and pulled off the blindfold at the same time, leaving him shivering among the ruins that lay in tatters at his feet. His family is broken – hell, he is broken; his friends are on their last nerve when it comes to putting up with his flaky bullshit these days; and El, the only good thing in his life, is gone, pushed away by his own self-destructive hand.

What does he have left? What can he possibly salvage from the wreckage of his failures and faults?

I have to apologize. I have to fix this. The thought rings loudly in his brain like a clarion call, realization zipping through him and leaving goosebumps in its wake. 

Somehow, Mike’s going to have to suck it up, gather every shred of bravery he absolutely does not have, and apologize to El like his life depends on it. 

Hopefully, she’ll be willing to listen to him – honestly, he wouldn’t blame her if she told him to fuck off for the rest of his life. But he has to try. The thought of a life where El doesn’t play a starring role is not a life he wants to have. 

God, he can’t believe the things he said, the things he accused her of, of being with him out of pity and not understanding him. 

It’s not true – Mike knows it’s not. He doesn’t feel like anyone gets him the way El does. And he knows she’s not the type to act out of pity. She was with him because she wanted to be, and he went and fucked it all up. 

He’d just been so hurt, first at finding out she’s known about Ashley all this time and then the accusation that he was selfish, that he had nothing really to be sad and angry about. 

Not true, the still wounded part of his psyche whispers in hissed undertones. She doesn’t understand what’s really going on.

Which, if Mike has to be honest with himself about, is his fault because he hasn’t told her. El has no idea about the things Mike’s been keeping from her and he feels like the biggest hypocrite for getting mad at her for keeping secrets from him when he’s been hiding a pretty big fucking part of his life from her. 

Not that it excuses what El did – she should have told him sooner about what she knew. But Mike knows he has to let it go because it’s only right. Hell, it’s only fair.

Mike groans at the thought of fairness, falling back into the bed as his strength gives out on him. At the core of this, all El wanted was to be treated fairly, to feel like she had a say, and he tossed it in her face. Yes, going to a school dance is still the last thing Mike wants to do, but he could have found some sort of compromise, some kind of middle ground. 

Guess it turns out I won’t do anything for her, when it comes down to it. The realization makes him unbearably sad and the tears that had just started drying up spring back to life. 

El deserves someone who will give her everything, who will move heaven and earth to make her feel like she’s as amazing as she is. Mike knows she doesn’t deserve someone like him, that she deserves better… hell, he also knows he will never deserve her, not after what just happened. 

But he has to try. Because he doesn’t think he can live without her. 

Because he thinks – no, he knows – he’s in love with her. He has been for months, but he hasn’t had the courage to face it until now, until he had no other choice. 

Mike just wishes he didn’t have to hit rock bottom in order to get here. But that’s where he is now and there’s no other path forward than this. Mike has no choice but to put himself out there. Anything else is just too painful to think about.

God, what if this doesn’t work? What if he can’t get her to forgive him, talk to him… acknowledge him?

Even though Mike wouldn’t blame El for doing any of that, just the thought makes his hope seem futile. 

You’d deserve it, that insidious voice hisses from the dark corners of his mind, piping up with its usual black tar of doubt and self-loathing. 

For the first time in a while, anger and frustration roar up inside of him to do battle with the voice. And Mike curses that there’s a part of him that won’t let him be happy, won’t let him have hope. It always, always, tries to pull him down to its level until he can’t ever get up again.

That voice has been the driving force of nearly every action he’s taken for the past several months and Mike’s tired of it. He’s going to have to figure out a way to muzzle that voice if he has any chance of making things right with El and that’s just as daunting a task as getting El to talk to him again. 

Ugh, fuck everything, Mike laments with a tired groan. He feels antsy and exhausted at the same time as he sits up in bed, shoulders slumped with the weight of everything piled on top of him. 

Mike isn’t sure what tortured impulse makes him do this, but he shifts where he’s sitting, one knee drawn up and folded in front of him so he can easily turn and look at the other side of the bed. 

El’s side of the bed, to be exact. 

When his brain assigned her a side, Mike doesn’t know, but the sight of it – empty, blankets rumpled, pillow still gently dented from where her head was resting – twists painfully at his heart. He knows if he picks up that pillow, he’ll still be able to smell her and that’s all it takes for his throat to grow thick, tears threatening to spill once more. 

Mike stands up in a rush, hurrying to look away. The hits feel like they’re coming way too quickly and he knows he has to get out of there unless he wants to risk a full-on meltdown. 

So he dresses in a clean pair of PJs and all but runs from the room in search of some sort of sanctuary. 

Which means the basement is out – too many memories of El down there – so Mike finds himself spread out on the couch in the family room, homework and textbooks discarded around him. He just doesn’t have the mental energy to do any of it. 

But he tries… or he pretends to at any rate. Turns out that without anything to distract him, there’s nothing to keep Mike from focusing on just how empty his house is… and how absent his family is. 

In fact, there’s nothing to distract him from just how fucked up this whole thing is and Mike can’t look away. 

Or, rather, everywhere he looks, there it is. It’s like taking El away has lifted the blinders and there’s nowhere for him to look but at the broken landscape spread out in front of him. And the emotions he’s spent so long avoiding are rearing their ugly head. 

Sadness swallows him, then – deep and unrelenting, the kind that is all too easy to drown in. Mike finds himself crying and unable to do anything to make it stop. Tears spill down his face, dripping off the edge of his jaw to fall onto the open pages of the textbook in his lap, the one he can no longer see because his vision is completely clouded over. 

The world swims all around him and Mike gives up trying to be useful. For a while, he just sits there, head tipped back to rest against the couch cushions while silent tears just pour down his face. He doesn’t sob, doesn’t cry out, doesn’t wail or whine or any of it.

He just… cries, overburdened by the weight of his grief that presses down on his chest until he can barely breathe. 

Mike’s not sure how long he sits there, grief working through him one inch at a time. He sets aside his homework, knowing that he’s not going to get any of it done, and eventually, he gets up to scrounge dinner together. 

His mom and Holly are at his aunt’s house and his dad’s away on a business trip, so no one’s there to see the slow breakdown he’s experiencing. And with no one there to check in on him, Mike’s allowed to wallow in depressing silence. 

Even though his grief isn’t explosive, it’s still exhausting – like a marathon instead of a sprint – and Mike crawls into bed somewhere around 9:30, eyes dried out and burning, lids both heavy from exhaustion and swollen from tears. 

At some point, as he lays there trying to fall asleep, he grabs the pillow that still has El’s lingering scent on it and holds it tight to his chest. It both comforts him and hurts him by equal measure, a painful reminder of the fuck up he’s turned his life into… the fuck up his life’s been for months, if he’s being honest. 

And yet, despite the daunting task ahead of him, despite the fact that he’s going to have to crawl out of this pit and learn how to cope with his family’s new normal head on instead of avoiding it, despite having to do all of that while keeping the other pieces of his life together (such as they are)... when he finally manages to fall asleep that night?

It’s the best night’s sleep he’s had in months.

Five and Nine dearie! ;)

since you asked about all my stories, I have around 13-ish so this is basically a giant commentary for everything:)🤘🏼😃

hidden in plain sight

what part was hardest to write?

The fucking letters, jesus christ. I thought, ‘hey, wouldnt it be fun to have Billy’s point of view with him reading what she admires about him and make it super lovey dovey and sweet?’ and I almost gave up so many times cause fuck it was hard. Took over a week with switching the wording around and finding what flowed best. Also finding what didn’t sound creepy.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Nah, I mean I could’ve had their places switch, where he’s the one that writes to her... but I loved writing him feel all blushy and giddy over someone thinking of him like that.

look what you’ve done

what part was hardest to write?

After the fight and the ignoring and all that pent up anger being released, there was an awkward moment with all this tension between the two in her room - that was challenging for sure. Cause he was being a piece of shit and he himself knew it, she knew it, everybody knew it. But what took some thinking was to be able to show the guy he was before the fight and his insecurities getting the best of him.

were there alternate versions of this fic?

I dabbled with a lot of reasons why they’d fight, but Billy as a person is just sensitive and insecure and him seeing something like that, no matter how innocent or short the exchange could’ve been in reality with her and some nameless stranger could still set him off and trigger the monster he’s got hidden inside. I can’t remember other scenarios I had thought of but that one stuck to me.

sixteen

what part was hardest to write?

The relationship felt natural, like I could hear all the conversations they’ve had and seen everything they’d done together, I really really liked that dynamic but one stupid small part that killed me was writing the douchey boyfriend lol. Ultimately it’s such an insignificant part, so I scrapped any further drama with him and his deal because the story wasn’t supposed to be about him; it was supposed to be about her and Billy, their past, how it affected them both when they saw each other again after so long.

were there alternate versions of this fic?

None actually! I had it in my mind right off the bat that I wanted him to be nervous and caught off guard for once. like I said in the commentary for this, I know his personality, I know he’s quite used to thinking/believing he’s the most powerful in the room but I wanted that to change for this instance, and I strayed away from having him be untouchable or macho in any way.

whipped

what part was hardest to write?

THE KIDS. I’ve never ever written them before, and I even debated watching a few episodes before tackling it.... but I didn’t and I think I pulled it off alright. I loved their humor. I knew Dustin was always being a paranoid goofball, Lucas as the same without all the anxiety or nerdy interests, Mike as impatient and pessimistic, and Will as being very quiet. So yeah, I overcame that doubt and just did what I thought felt right.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

I thought a lot about what movie they’d watch - like a rom com would’ve been pretty funny too, but I had to have him tease and scare the kids so I made their movie of the night thing be Nightmare on Elm Street😂

punch-drunk love

what was the hardest part to write?

A lot of this flowed easy and generally wasn’t stressful at all. Describing him as a fun drunk was a blast. Thinking of what he would he say if he had no filter and felt on top of the world. I can’t think of anything that I was held back by this time, it all came out in just a couple hours when I should’ve been sleeping lol.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

When I was brainstorming by myself I thought it would just be more smutty and desperate or even a little more sad. I had it planned that she’d reject him initially, but then I got an ask that changed the game and I’m really proud of how it turned out.

naive

what part was hardest to write?

I hardly went over it or stressed much other than tweaking a few details, but plot was pretty self explanatory - I think the most difficult part to write was all the possible ways there could’ve been scenarios where he could’ve mislead her

were there any alternate versions of this fic?

I almost wanted to write them in class but thought him on lifeguard duty would’ve been more engaging and had a lot more to go off of

old habits die hard

what part was hardest to write?

Literally everything. every. single. PART about writing people have sex is challenging, omg. Foreplay....down to kissing.....then down to actually fucking, I got red the whole time. Especially after posting it I’d almost pissed myself ‘cause it’s so nerve wracking putting smut out there holy christ.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

I wanted to get into their marriage and relationship but.... tbh I thought everyone would just skip it and get to the good stuff. So yeah there was probably an almost started version on my phone where I had backstory on how he proposed and all but thought no one would care too much lol.

obstacle 1

what part was hardest to write?

Hurt/comfort is a little challenging when you wanna do it differently. I wanted to sway away from her being this perfect female caregiver that knows exactly what to say and what to do cause that’s just so hard to picture when it comes to real life and all, not that I’m mixing fiction and life it’s just sometimes hard to believe that every girl is perfect at taking care of a guy breaking down.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Nothing too different, I reasoned in my head how he’d get into trouble cause there are infinite ways Billy could’ve fucked up but.... stealing chocolate is pretty funny and juvenile, and he knew it too, but he’d absolutely still get his ass whooped anyway.

playing hooky

what part was hardest to write?

I found it hard to know what they’d do after she got blasted, cause.....what would two teenagers do in a small town skipping school? Also easily taking personal experience for her snapping and getting tired of her careful image cause everybody had these impossibly high expectations for her, but what they’d get up to doing that was ‘illegal’ that they could get arrested for took some time to think about.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

At first I pictured them maybe like breaking in somewhere they weren’t supposed to, hence the ‘we could get arrested’ line, but skinny dipping was my favorite pitch.

thick as thieves

what part was hardest to write?

The ending gave me a tough time, I had to think whether or not if I’d forgive someone for doing that shit to me. It’s happened before, to everybody and myself, the pains of drifting apart and the jealousy that comes with seeing them blossom and become social butterflies, the joys of being in high school... Oh and I’m still working on another part:)

were there alternate versions of this fic?

I dabbled with lots of ideas but I knew I wanted two friends growing apart, a push/pull between their relationship...I don’t remember what else I had planned that I ditched.

the craft (1996)

what part was hardest to write?

Maybe the love spell part. I wanted to write it as severe and dramatic as possible, and really show how desperate and gone he was.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Hmm, I based this off the film and it does show a lot more about the girl group besides the love spell bit, but I wanted it to focus on that cause it was more interesting fucking with Billy. I liked how dark both the movie and the fic was

in utero

what part was hardest to write?

My obstacle with this one was creating this female Billy in my head, which to me was basically a flawed, outrageous, outgoing/promiscuous high school girl who makes a mistake. Writing him pining was definitely enjoyable, and him practicing his lines on how he’d say how he felt and stuff. The wording was switched around a ton, but I’m fairly happy with it. It’s not perfect, he stutters and trails off because he’s nervous, but in it’s own way I think it’s a perfect display of an insecure guy summoning up any courage he has and trying to shoo away any doubt.

were there alternate versions to this fic?

Oh man, tons of ideas came to my head with this one. I wondered if maybe she could’ve never gotten ‘rid’ of ‘it’ and then they run off in the sunset, raise ‘it’ together.... Billy maturing and finding a home with their own family. BUT the reason I chose the path she took was because she’s just a kid, fresh from high school, had no idea what she was gonna do with no money other than visit her best friend. I think she knew she didn’t want it and couldn’t stand the guy who put her in this position, so she ran.

— so there it all is, kudos to you if you actually read this far down and to anyone who has reblogged or commented on any of these.... THANKYOU🖤🥰✨

And especially thanks to Haiden cause you’re the best

TOTAL DRAMA ALL STARS season 5 episode 5

 this is what I think Gwen should have done and what should have happened in episode 5 and afterwards in Gwen’s perspective.I might do Duncan or Courtney’s next,and I might do another season,idk.And,yes,I know I’m like,10 years late.

this is my first story/fanfic,so please go easy on me

Ever since we got  there,Duncan only cared about getting under Courtney’s skin,and its TOTALLY ANNOYING!!!!The only reason I went back to that disgusting place was to make up with Courtney.Even though, I DID NOTHING WRONG!!!!!They were broken up WAY before Duncan and I started.And WHY WAS I A VILLAIN??????????

When Heather started acting all ‘nice’ in this weeks challenge,I knew something was up,but i just tried to keep my distance.Then i saw an opportunity to make amends with Courtney,or at least start to.I took it and I was SO close,but she just had to remember that she wanted to see my head on a spike!

I can’t believe my team were even considering crossing that rope bridge!It’s like, the most obvious thing in a movie!The rope bridge snaps,and most of the time,someone dies.I WAS NOT TAKING THAT CHANCE!So,I decided to take the long way.I might have been alone,against a bunch of killer,wild animals,but at least if I was gonna die,I wasn’t going to fall to my death off of a dang rope!

I have to admit, it was pretty cool of Duncan to save me from those chipmunks,or whatever they were.If only he had stayed that cool the whole time!I mean seriously!Why does he even care if Courtney said anything about him?Shouldn’t he be less focused on his ex-girlfriend and more focused on me,his ACTUAL GIRLFRIEND and the competition????But no,he’s WAY too cocky for that,and thinks that Courtney’s still obsessed with him,like he is about her.I mean,PUH LEASE!She’s happy with Scott,let her be!

When I saw Courtney in trouble,I really hoped that if I saved her,she would finally forgive me for the whole Duncan thing,and we could move on in our lives.Then,everyone would see that I’m really a Hero,not a VILLAIN,and that I really didn’t mean all of those horrible accidents that happened to her.Plus,even though Courtney and I were busy fighting of a deadly deer,we still won!I was SO happy!Another night in a luxury hotel!!!!!!

The last straw for me with Duncan was at the Elimination Ceremony,when Duncan tried to comfort me with a kiss on the cheek,AND ASKED IF COURTNEY WAS WATCHING!!!!!!!!!I finally snapped.”WHY DO YOU CARE????” I screamed.”Look Duncan,I know that you don’t like Courtney,and you’re trying to get under her skin,but I’m sick of it!Ever since we got here,all you’ve cared about is Courtney,YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND!You need to get this into your thick scull:the only reason I came back here is to make up with her,and the only reason you’re here is because I’m here,right?”Duncan nodded”Right,so you need to stop putting so much effort into your ex-girlfriend and more effort into me,your actual girlfriend and our relationship!Oh,and you need to stop caring what everyone thinks about you!!!!!Ever since you got switched over the the Hero’s, its all you care about.WHO CARES IF YOU’RE A BAD BOY OR A GOODY GOODY??I’ll still love you all the same!If you don’t stop,I’m done,I can barely take it anymore “

I turned to Courtney”Courtney,I am so sorry about everything that has happened between us,even though I really don’t think I did anything wrong,I am so sorry about how everything went down.I really only came back to make up with you,and I’m sorry if you can’t forgive me.”

After my ‘speech’,I stormed back to the hotel,and locked myself in a small bedroom.There was NO way I was going to sit through an entire Elimination Ceremony after that.

Courtney came to my room about an hour later.

She knocked and waited outside the door forever.I eventually opened the door.

“Hey.........”she said as she entered the room.

“Hi.....................”I replied.What was I supposed to say?

“Look,I’m so sorry I wouldn’t forgive you.Or at least hear you out about it.I really appreciate how you came back just to make it up to me!”Courtney said after a long silence.”And by the way,you were right,we were over before you started dating..........Can you ever forgive me????

I was almost in tears.Finally,someone admitted that I wasn’t the boyfriend stealing,new Heather!!!!!

“Of course!!!!!!!!I muttered,in between sobs

SEASON 5 EPISODE 6

I was so happy to wake up and find Cameron on our team.Finally someone nice!I really wasn’t in the mood for some dumb challenge,but,I also needed a distraction.Plus I was curious if Duncan would take my words seriously.

I got seriously scared when Chris told u what the challenge was.But,to my surprise,Duncan stayed with me the entire time,even though we’re on different teams.He was actually really sweet.Half way through the challenge,Duncan pulled me aside and apologized.He told me that he just felt self conscious about losing his ‘bad boy’ exterior,and he didn’t want me to think he was a sissy or that its not cool to be in a relationship with a ‘do-gooder’ or something like that.I told him he was sweet,but really stupid,I mean,as if doing something kind would put me off being in a relationship with him.The thing that put me off was his arrogance,cocky-ness and how he was pretending to be something he’s not.

Then he stopped me,pulled me in close and we kissed

After that,Duncan really started to change.He stopped trying to get to Courtney,and finally started to focus on our relationship.And the competition.When Duncan stopped caring what everyone thought of him,he actually did start to go back to being a bad boy,which I could see he was happy about.

SEASON 5 EPISODE 7

I was so focused on the whole Duncan and Courtney thing that I didn’t even really notice who was on my team.Courtney,obviously.Which now was great because she finally forgave me,Cameron,who I really didn’t know,but I was really happy to get to know,because he seems like a really nice person,Scott,who was one of the 2 actual villains on the Villain team.Yeah,he was weird,but it was so obvious that Courtney liked him,so,I had to be nice to him.If I was on his good side,I could stay on Courtney’s good side.

And last but not least,Alejandro.There was NO WAY I was ever going to trust that guy!There really isn’t much to say,except for the fact that he was definitely the most villainous of all the Villains.

“hey babe.”Duncan said as I walked over to him.He seemed really down.I knew Duncan seemed off.Something was bothering him,so,I asked him.I COULD’NT BELIEVE IT!!!!Mike was in JUVIE????But he was called Mal??That made no sense,I mean,MIKE!!!When I wasn’t focused on Duncan and Courtney,I did notice that Mike was acting a bit strange,but I still couldn’t believe that HE went to juvie.Duncan left to go tell Zoey.I didn’t think that was such a good idea.I mean if I was in doubt,there was no way Zoey would believe him.Especially since Duncan had gone back to his old ways of being ‘the delinquent’.I didn’t have time to ask Duncan how she reacted,because Chris started explaining the challenge.”Great,another day of pain.”I thought.

I knew something had to be up with this challenge when Scott had to fight Fang and Sierra had to fight her........creature’s mother.Scott was SO MESSED UP after his fight with Fang,and I was SO happy when Courtney let me help.I was really glad we were friends again!!

I have to admit,when I saw Alejandro’s older brother,I was in awe.I know he told us that he was better than him at everything,but I guess I had to see it to believe it.But it was no surprise how he felt about Heather.It was more obvious that they were in love than me and Duncan,and we’re an ACTUAL COUPLE!!!

When I saw Mike take down Izzy,I kinda started to believe Duncan even more.The Mike that I knew,even vaguely,WOULD NOT be able to take down that psycho chick!

I know it looked bad,that Duncan couldn’t take down some stupid bird,but I respected him for it.YEAH it was just a bird,but Duncan wouldn’t hurt something so helpless.I know he was disappointed in himself,but like I said,I RESPECTED HIM FOR IT and I told him so.He still seemed upset,so I gave him a hug and pulled him in for a kiss.He seemed to cheer up after that,but I hated that he was doubting himself so much.I thought he was really noble to turn down that fight!

It was my turn next,and I couldn’t believe they actually wanted me to fight Courtney!Right after we made up and were best friends again!

We obviously refused,until Chris pulled out those Gwuncan videos Sierra made.I could tell Courtney was getting angry,so I simply said:”Look,Courtney,we’re passed this,and we agreed to be friends!You told me you were OVER Duncan!”

There was a long pause.I had no idea what to do!”Should I be getting ready to fight?”I thought to myself

“You’re right!Sorry Chris,but I’m not fighting my best friend!”Courtney finally replied

I was so happy!!!!!!This was confirmation that she really did forgive me!!!!I pulled her into a huge hug and ran over to Duncan.I didn’t care if our team lost or not.I was SO happy!!!

When Chris told us that we got to choose who went home,it was an obvious choice.Sierra.She was going crazy without her phone and Cody.Well,crazier.

I was so glad Alejandro was gone for the night!I always felt uneasy with him around.

I felt horrible eliminating Sierra,but Duncan did help me through it and made me laugh a lot.He also reassured me that she would be happier,cause she would be with Cody again.

I know it sounds like Duncan’s gone soft,but he really hasn’t.He’s sweet around me sometimes,like when I’m upset,but with everyone else,he’s just how he used to be.Which I appreciate.I love that he is himself when he’s around me and everyone in camp,dark and spooky,but when he realizes I’m upset or need to talk about something,he switches.He’s kind,sweet and understanding.

I don’t want it to seem like I wanted him to change,I think he just needed a reality check,which I’m sure he would agree with now,and that’s exactly what I gave him.

SEASON 5 EPISODE 8

I woke up that morning feeling AMAZING!Courtney and I were friends again,everything was back on track with Duncan,I slept in the most comfortable bed ever,in the most amazing hotel ever and I had the best dream...........ever.I dreamt that I was riding a fluffy unicorn ,across clouds made of marshmallows!

Courtney and I started to talk and I confessed that a couple days before I was ready to quit,but because we were friends again,and me and Duncan had the best relationship ever,I never wanted it to end!

“I hope we make it to the finale together.”Courtney said,smiling.

“What about Scott?”I asked

Then,Courtney said something that made me even HAPPIER.I didn’t think that was possible “He’s cool and all,but like you say,you gotta put friends first!”

Like I said,I was really happy that she said that,and meant it,but what about Duncan?He was my boyfriend after all!

The more I thought about it,the more I realized that my dream was to have Duncan AND Courtney in the finale with me.After that,there would be no alliances,no bias.And we would all try our best and see who won.Before,those two in the finale with me would have seemed like a nightmare,with them fighting all the time,but,Duncan had realized that Courtney and I were friends and there was nothing he could do about it.And Courtney realized that Duncan and I were in love,and just because they didn’t work out,doesn’t mean that the same would happen to us.

Before the challenge,Duncan decided to drive Chef’s truck into the ocean,I don’t know why,probably because he was bored,or wanted to prove a point,but it was HILARIOUS watching Chef get all mad,which,of course,made Duncan happy,and then he saw me laughing and found it even funnier!He really was a sight for sore eyes!

When I heard that the teams were being merged,I was so happy!Now,not only could I spend time with Courtney,but I could spend time with Duncan,not just walking to,from,and during challenges!I walked straight over to Duncan and kissed him.

For that days challenge,we had to race all around the island in boats that barely floated!

Of course Duncan and I went together,but Alejandro got the best boat,so we jumped into the other speedboat.

I looked back and saw Courtney and Scott jump on to the raft with Zoey and Cameron.I would have gone back for her,considering she was my best friend,but we were too far ahead.

I don’t know how Mike got so far ahead of us in a measly fishing boat,but, I was glad to see Alejandro’s engine stalling.And so was Duncan.”Having a little engine trouble Al???”Duncan laughed as we sped past him.

We managed to avoid all of the coconuts in Coconut Alley,but when I looked back,I saw that Courtney got hit,and I got seriously worried!But she bounced back just like she always does.

Eventually,our engine stalled,and even the guys on the RAFT passed us with their new motor.Duncan went to the top of the boat and started paddling while I tried to fix the engine.And of course,to make a bad situation worse,Chris just had to swoop down and remind us that Mike was winning.........and we were in last place.

I eventually got the engine going again,and we went as fast as we could,but it just wasn’t enough.We came in second,and would have won,but Alejandro’s NOSE passed the finish line before we did.I was so sure we were gonna win,but Alejandro beat us by a split second.

I wasn’t that bummed when Alejandro was being a jerk about bringing someone to the hotel because as corny as it sounds,I just wanted to spend time with Duncan,and i couldn’t do that if one of us was in the 5 star hotel.Not that Alejandro would bring either of us anyway!

At the Elimination Ceremony,I was SO glad to hear that there would be no Boney Island!That place is HORRIBLE!!!!And then,when I thought it couldn’t get any better,Chris told us that there also wouldn’t be anyone going home.I knew there was probably a catch,but,I just didn’t care.

As we were saying goodnight,Duncan slipped a note into my hand and went to the guys side of the cabin.

I waited until I was in bed to read it,and I kept it from Courtney.I don’t know why,I just felt like she ‘wouldn’t approve’ or something.Anyway,the note said

     “Gwen,if you feel like having some fun,meet me at the mess hall at 2.A.M.Everythings funner at night <3 ;]Make sure no 1 sees u.Especially Courtney.</p>

When I read the note,I was so glad I waited till everyone was in bed.I decided to wait up until then.It was 10:30pm so I only had to wait 4 and a half hours..............no problem.

I dozed off a few times,but eventually the time came to go meet Duncan.I got  dressed and made my way to the mess hall.He saw me before I saw him,so Duncan decided to sneak up to me,grab me,and of course,kiss me.We walked over to where he was waiting for me,and I saw that he had a lot of toilet paper and eggs.I could see where he was going with this,but I decided to play dumb.

“Duncan,what are these for?”I asked,trying to sound as dumb as possible.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK BABE?We’re gonna tp and egg the camp.Especially the hotel.”Duncan replied.”UNLESS YOU’RE TOO CHICKEN!”and he started clucking like a chicken.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,great plan,bad boy,but first,I have two questions.

1.Where’d you find all the eggs and toilet paper.And 2.Why didn’t you want me to tell Courtney?”

“Oh come on,Pasty,you need to start comin up with better questions!

1.I was looking around the hotel last night,and found a huge cellar full of cool stuff.And 2.She would follow you,take a video of us and sue the show to have us kicked off.Just to get herself closer to the million bucks.”

I really didn’t wanna laugh,because we were friends again,but I couldn’t help it.It was so accurate it hurt!

We probably stood there laughing for the next 10 minutes laughing.

We finally got it together,grabbed as much toilet paper and eggs as we could carry and made our way over to the hotel.

It was so much fun TP-ing and egging the hotel.And it was the only time alone me and Duncan had since we got there.We finished,and one thing led to another.Next thing I knew we were on the ground making out.Don’t judge me,okay.I know we were outside,and I was still trying to secure Courtney’s trust,and she probably still hated me on the inside,but,I couldn’t help myself.

SEASON 5 EPISODE 9

We finally left,happy with our work,at about 04:30 in the morning and went to bed,only to get about 2 hours of sleep,when we were woken up by Chris’s screaming.We all went out to see what was wrong,and for a minute,I actually forgot everything that happened that night.........Until I looked at the resort.Duncan and I burst out laughing,until I remembered that Chris would probably make us clean it up if he knew me and Duncan did it,so I dug him in the sides and tried to cover my laughter with a fake cough.

It was seriously hard not to laugh at Chris and Chef’s reactions!

After we went behind the hotel and laughed ‘till our sides hurt,Duncan and I eventually went up to the library.I was going to go over to Courtney,but saw she was cuddling up to Scott,and thought it would just be better to ask her about it later,so I went to stand with Cam and Duncan.I had no idea why,but Cameron seemed really cold towards me,and acted like I didn’t exist.

I decided to think about it later,and to focus on the competition right then.I couldn’t believe that Chris was planning a PARTY.I was already getting scared when Chris was listing off the things ‘he hoped no one was allergic to’,but when I saw ZEKE,I kinda started to freak out.But as usual,Duncan was there to calm me down.Courtney even helped!

Like I said I was freaking out when I just SAW Zeke,but when Chef said he wanted us to HUNT FOR HIM,I really started to freak.NO WAY WAS I DOING THAT.I didn’t even LIKE Chris!

Then Chef agreed to that reward........................

There was no way I was going in there alone,so I naturally made Duncan swear on his life that he WOULD NOT LEAVE ME IN THERE,like Trent did when I was buried alive.And yes,I’m still mad about it.I’m really going to sound like Courtney right now,but,to make sure he didn’t leave me in a cold,dark pit,I tied a rope around both of our waists.Its not that I thought Duncan would leave me in there,but I had to be sure.I did think the same with Trent,after all.

We ran to the mines and tried to find a way in.I really wanted to win that reward,but,I was kinda distracted.Duncan noticed and asked me what was wrong,so I told him about Cameron,and that I had no idea what he could be mad about.As always,Duncan calmed me down,told me to forget about Cam and reminded me what was on the line.Aswell as reminding me that ‘I should be paying more attention to him,cause,he was much hotter’.As usual his joke made me focus again and I got my head back in the game.

“Hey Pasty,”Duncan called from a few meters away,still connected to the rope “This must me the entrance.Come on.”And before I could turn to look,I felt myself being pulled down a long,dark tunnel.

“DUNCAAAAAAANNNNN!”I screamed when I eventually hit the ground. “Where are you??????HEEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!!!!”

 “Babe,it’s fine,I’m right here.No need to panic.”I heard Duncan say as he hugged me tight.Again,he made me feel better,but after about 5 seconds I came to my senses and grabbed my flashlight.I tried to turn it on but the batteries were dead.I started to freak out again,and then we heard Zoey calling my name as she jumped down the hole.I moved out of the way,but she landed right on top of Duncan.

“OMG Duncan,I am so sorry!Are you alright??”

“Whatever,I’m fine!”Duncan said,obviously really annoyed at Zoey.

“Oh,thank goodness!”Then she turned to me “Gwen,are you okay?I heard you screaming.”Zoey said,clearly worried for me.

“Look,I’m fine Zoey,but we can’t just stand here in the dark,we,ve gotta get out of here.Try your flashlights.”

They tried them and suddenly,we had light.I’ve never been so happy to see a flashlight working before in my life!

We made our way down the mine,when I started hearing grunting sounds.Again,I was freaking out and didn’t even let Zoey or Duncan speak.Then,in the middle of my mindless yabbering,I heard Zoey screaming.Next thing I knew,her flashlight was on the floor and I couldn’t see Zoey anywhere.Neither could Duncan.

“You know what?,Forget this!”I shouted as I walked away,trying to find an exit.

“Gwen?Where are you going?”I heard Duncan call behind me.

“Where do you think?I’m not gonna sit and wait for Zeke to come and stuff me in a bag!” I said,rolling my eyes at him.

 “Good point.......”I heard Duncan say to himself.He thought about it for a second but then ran to join me.

“Then I’m coming with you.Where’s the exit?”

“My hero”I exclaimed sarcastically.”Anyway,I have no idea.Lets just have a look around”

While we were looking around,I saw Cameron laying in the river.Me and Duncan ran to pull him out,and,when he tried to hug us,Duncan pushed him back in the water.I helped him out again,and I was so happy when he said that he trusted me again,but,when he said that ‘Mike had him going’,I started to believe Duncan’s theory of Mike being dangerous even more.The old Mike wouldn’t want Cam to think bad of anyone!

I was going to tell Cameron that we were leaving,but he ran off before I got the chance.Duncan wanted to leave him and get out of there,but,I couldn’t just let my friend run into a radio-active mine and leave him there.So,we had to follow him.

We saw the streamers and I wanted to turn back,but,Duncan,Cameron and Chef ran into the mine.And I was NOT going to stay there by myself.

“I’ll distract Zeke,you get Chris,you saved my life.I owe you this!”Cameron told me and Duncan,before he ran in front of Zeke.

“Get Chris!”Duncan screamed as he ran out after Cameron.

Duncan was a few feet behind Cameron,so he was fine when Cam was buried in rocks.Duncan straight away started pulling them off of him while I shot Zeke with the Spaghetti Gun.

I threw Chris on the ground and ran over to help Duncan get the rocks off of Cameron.We ran out of the mine and went to the campfire for elimination,but,there was no need,because,Cameron was too hurt to keep going.I felt really bad,but,at least he helped me win the prize before he went.......

SEASON 5 EPISODE 10

“OMG,how much more dangerous can these challenges even get?” was all I could think when Chris was explaining the ‘Obsta-kill-course’.Before the challenge,Zoey told me how Alejandro LET Cam fall in the mines.Man,I knew he was evil,but I didn’t think even he was THAT evil.So,yeah,I agreed to voting him off with Zoey and Mike.Even if I didn’t know which version of Mike was in control.

“Oh,great,murderous tires”I thought when I was running through them.And on top of that stupid challenge,I had Alejandro wanting to form an alliance with me!Even after what he did to Cam.It made me sick just to look at him.

When I finally made it passed the tires,surprisingly still in 1 piece,I got to the ropes.What is wrong with those people?I mean,ropes made out of dog hair,electrical wires and LICORICE!?How were we supposed to climb a rope made of licorice?!

Me and Zoey were just laughing and joking about my DISGUSTING rope,when suddenly,I heard Courtney shouting below 

“You two better not be talking about me kissing Scott and Cameron!!”

“You kissed Cameron?!” I screamed.HOW COULD SHE?After all the crap she gave me for kissing Duncan,when they were broken up,she went and kissed Cameron......WHILE SHE WAS WITH SCOTT!!!!!

“I f we survive this,you and I are having a little chat,Courtney.”And I knew exactly what I wanted to say to that two faced little witch!But,at the moment I had to focus on winning.

I finally reached_ the snapping bars_,the thing I’m worst at.......When I was growing up,I could never get all the way across,so,I don’t know how I did it in the challenge.Probably had something to do with the fact that I was hanging above a pond filled with snapping turtles,and seeing Mike,or was it Mal,fall in and get bitten. 

And,of course,when I was SO close to winning,Courtney wanted to talk about her cheating on Scott.”Sorry Courtney,I don’t have time for your lies right now,”and I ran off,leaving her dumbfounded behind the rocks.

Because I ran off,I got to the zipline first.I opened my backpack and took my equipment out.I really thought I was going to win,but,Zoey passed me by an inch!I looked back and saw Mike(or Mal) hanging onto Alejandro.”Smart move”I thought.But,it didn’t end so well,and they fell into the water.Duncan came third,Courtney was fourth and Scott,was dead last.We were waiting for Scott when I realized that I hadn’t seen Duncan for the entire challenge. “Where were you all this time?”I asked.

“Don’t worry about it Pasty.”is all he would say,which got me annoyed,but,I had bigger problems so,I ignored his teasing.

On the way back to camp,I told Duncan about Courtney kissing Cam and Scott,and that I was really annoyed about it.He started going off!He was so mad.

“How could she,after all the kicks to the kiwis,all the screaming,all the arguments,all the hate we put up with!?!?”

“I know,just,let me talk to her later.If shes not voted off......”

“Fine,but you know I’m sure as Hell gonna vote her off!”

And that was the end of the conversation.

At the Elimination Ceremony,it was obvious who was going home,and I could tell Duncan was not happy about it.When Alejandro’s name was called,Duncan went red!I knew he was annoyed at Courtney,like a lot,but I asked him to let me talk to her before he said or did anything.

The night before,I decided I did not want to stay in that hotel anymore.Chris is so weird and as cheesy as it sounds,I missed going asleep and waking up with and near my best friends and my boyfriend.But,because I didn’t want my reward,Chris decided that I had to go to Boney Island!

SEASON 5 EPISODE 11

“Man,Boney Island was rough,well,up until that Woolly Beaver tried to eat me and I climbed a tree and slept in the canopy.It was actually pretty relaxing.” “Well,at least you got some kind of break from this dump,”Duncan said kicking a rock. “Wow”Zoey said simply.Then,Courtney did something really weird! “Yeah,what a nightmare.Luckily,Gwen is super smart and totally strong,so she lived to tell the tale” she said hugging me.I smiled,really weirded out while everyone else rolled their eyes.

“Well,welcome back Gwen.”Zoey said in her usual,sweet voice.I smiled,until I heard Courtney mocking her under her breath.”What!?” I shouted. “Oh,nothing,I was just noticing that cutthroat vibe Zoey has about her.So two-faced.We should shun her.” I was about to say no when I heard Duncan behind me.I turned and he said “Please don’t tell me you’re really gonna ‘shun’ your friend because Princess over here wants you to.” “No,no i’m not.”I said,leaving Courtney dumbfounded on her own.

Courtney caught up with us and I asked Duncan to go on ahead.I decided to talk to her there about kissing Scott and Cam. “Are you still mad at me for all the kissing I did,because Scott was an accident and Cameron kissed me!” she asked “Yes,I’m still mad at you!You gave me and Duncan so much crap because of World Tour even though you were broken up,but,when you do it,everyone is supposed to act like it never happened.And it’s even worse because you and Scott were actually together when ‘Cameron kissed you’ and everyone knew it!” “I know,and I’m so sorry,but I really don’t want to lose you as a friend over some guy again!Can we just put all this behind us?”she pleaded. “So you still wanna go all the way to the finale with me?” “Gwen,I promise.It’s you and me,right to the end.” “Ok then,but so I know I can trust you,you have to vote for whoever I tell you at the Elimination.” “Deal”.And we ran to catch up with everyone else.

Then we ran into Scott. “H-Hey Courtney,you’re looking really,uh,goop,AH,good!I mean,you know,gice,NICE!Agh........UGH!”I started laughing as Courtney really awkwardly thanked him. “Yeah,anytime.And,hey,if you need any help lifting anything,just let me know.”And he did dome cringe yawn and stretch thing,talking about his arms being like a cheetah’s.I started gagging and Courtney and I were laughing and joking,and I was so happy.I did what I went there to do.Courtney ACTUALLY forgave me!

Scott caught up to Mike and Zoey,while Duncan came over to Courtney and I and put his arm around me,like he usually does.I was happy with how me and Courtney’s conversation went,but I knew Duncan wouldn’t be,so I was trying to figure out a way to tell him about it and keep him calm,when I heard Scott talking to Mike and Zoey in the distance. “Hope you two got lots of sleep,’cause I’m feeling as strong as an ox.” “Don’t you mean ‘strong as a rat’?”Scott gave him a confused look,so Mike said “OH,you haven’t seen Courtney’s chart!?”Courtney gasped,and we ran over as Mike pulled out a chart,1st with Duncan drawn as a devil,then with Mike and Zoey drawn somewhat normally and me,drawn with horns and a red nose,all with big red X’s going through them,and finally,there was Scott,drawn with a rat tail,with a big green tick beside it.

“Second last!? ‘right to the end,my butt!”I said as I walked away,Duncan close behind,shooting her a dirty look.

I could hear Scott complaining about Courtney drawing him with a tail,then joining me and Duncan,and Courtney desperately tried to explain. “Oh please,even you can’t talk your way out of this one!”I shouted back at her,without looking back.We all ran to the ice-cream,and Duncan and I were almost at the top of the cliff when Scott pushed me down and ran ahead.I almost fell down but,as usual,Duncan was there to save me.

I was first to get my ice-cream and slid down the cliff all the way to the bottom.Closely followed by Duncan.We ran to the swap with the cherries,and again,I was first to reach them.When Duncan and I heard ‘Snappy’ behind us,I started to freak out and scream,but because Duncan was bottling up so much anger towards Courtney,he threw his bowl to the edge of the swamp and started fighting ‘Snappy’.I ran ahead,and as I was leaving,I saw Duncan getting out of the swamp,looking very satisfied,so I guessed he had one his fight,but,in the background,I also saw Mike swinging down and jumping on the alligator,just as he was recovering from his fight with Duncan.

That confirmed it for me.Duncan was right and Mike was Mal.There was no way Mike would actually fight SNAPPY!Manitoba or Vito maybe,or maybe Svetlana would swing down and grab the cherry,carefully placing it in her bowl,but Mike,would have tried to sneak passed the alligator.

I continued running and Duncan soon caught up.

“Hey,thanks for the save back there.”I said with a smile

“Hey,no problem.Needed to let some anger out anyway.”He said,rolling his eyes towards Courtney,who was desperately trying to get Zoey to be in an alliance with her.

We kept running until we got to the ‘crushed nut zone’.Somehow,Mal had beaten us there,and was already fighting off the robot.We almost sneaked passed it,and got away,but, Mal shouted “Hey guys,look out for the robot!”.It turned it’s attention towards us.I grabbed my crushed nuts as Duncan and I took turns distracting the robot.I ran out of the mess hall after Duncan and tripped over Courtney. “Gwen,I-” Courtney started. “No time to chat!”I said as I tried to run away and catch up. “Wait!I’m sorry.I never should have made that chart.I still want us to be a team,to be friends!Please don’t vote me off.VOTE FOR ZOEY!”She said desperately. “You’re right,you shouldn’t have made that chart,and I can’t forgive you,but I need as many allies as possible,so,if you vote for yourself,like you promised,I’ll vote for Scott,and I’ll try to get Duncan,Zoey and Mike to vote for him too.”I said as I was about to run off again.She stopped me again. “Get real!You’re just trying to make it unanimous!”She whined. “That’s a chance you’ll just have to take” I shouted back as I finally escaped and ran to catch up.

I caught up to Mike and Duncan when they were hiding behind a rock,at the ‘chocolate fire zone’. “Come on Duncan,we can take turns distracting it!”I called over.Duncan agreed,and I was about to run out and distract the fire plant when Mal piped up “Can I help?”he asked. “Sure Mike,but no sabotage this time,OK?”I said as sweetly as I could.He opened his mouth to  defend himself,but Duncan pushed him out to distract the plant.Duncan ran ahead,with his chocolate sauce and I ran and got mine.I considered leaving him there to fight off the plant himself,but decided to help him.I distracted the fire plant like I said I would and waited for Mal to get his chocolate.I was about to run ahead,after he got it,and expected him to follow me,but he dove back behind the rock.

I shook my head and ran to catch up with Duncan.He was almost at the finish line,but Courtney ran in front of him and won the race!I was furious until Chris said that we actually had to eat our sundaes and Zoey won. “Yes!Courtney is going DOWN!”I thought.

I decided to keep my promise and vote for Scott,but I didn’t say anything to Duncan,Zoey or Mal about voting for him too.I t wouldn’t have made a difference though.Everyone was super annoyed at Courtney after that chart,including me.I was seriously happy when Courtney was flushed down that giant toilet.It meant that I could become better friends with Zoey,and Mike when he gained back control.I also knew that Duncan was happy too.Now,we could also focus on our relationship with each other,not with Courtney.

“Welcome to the Final 5!Zoey,the spa hotel is all yours because......from now on,winners can’t take anyone along with them.”I heard Chris say as I walked back to the cabin.I was kinda disappointed.I never felt safe around Mal,ever since Duncan told me about Juvie.

SEASON 5 EPISODE 12

When I got back to camp,I was really excited,and was going to go to the confessional when Duncan stopped me.

“Where are you going,Pasty?”He asked.He looked kind of worried.

“To the confessional,why?”I asked.

“No reason.........I’m coming with you”He answered,kinda abruptly.

I simply answered, “Ok” and we made our way there.

I walked in and expected Duncan to just wait outside,but he came in and I really didn’t mind

“We’re the last 2 original cast members left on the island!”I said excitedly while leaning against Duncan,smiling up at him. “But,if we’re going to make it all the way,we need to get some allies.”I said thoughtfully. “Other than each other.”I butted in right as Duncan was about to say something. “But then again,Mike and Zoey are my friends,and they wouldn’t vote one of us off,just like I would never vote one of them off.Neither would Duncan,right babe?”I asked

“Well,honestly babe,Mal’s gotta go.He ain’t right.”He said.The more I thought about it,the more I realized that he was right.If it came down to it,I would probably vote Mal off too.

“Yeah I guess,but Scott needs to go!”

“Agreed!”

Then we left to go back to the cabins.

Even though we were gonna vote Scott of,I decided to be nice to him,so I went up to him and said: “Hey,Scott.How are you holding up?”He scoffed “What do you care?” “Sorry,I....”I started to apologize “I don’t want your pity.I want your head on a platter!”He threatened. Duncan came over and told him to back off. “Thanks,Duncan,but it’s fine.”I said as I walked away into the girls cabin.

I could here Duncan and Scott arguing outside,but I ignored them and tried to fall asleep.After I prayed that Scott would wake up in the morning.

We woke up to Chris screaming into the loudspeaker,as usual.

“Good morning Final 5!Gather on the dock,pronto-rooni-o.It’s crunch time!And by that,I mean your about to get crunched.”He said before he started laughing hysterically like the psychopath he is.

I walked with Duncan,as we made a list of all the horror movies we were gonna watch when we got home.

He eventually got to the point and told us what the challenge was.We needed to find something valuable on the island.I scoffed,turned to Duncan and said “Chris’ idea of ‘valuable’ is pretty skewed.He’s such an ego maniac,his most prized  possession is himself.” “Too true Pasty”Duncan replied as we tried not to laugh.

We had to find whatever was in the treasure chest we opened,and because Zoey won,she went first.I went next and had to find the gold key from Chef’s go carts from Season 4.Then,Duncan went,and he had to find Mr coconut.Apparently,he was lost after Chris threw him away in season 1.Scott went next,then Mal.Duncan and I decided that for this challenge,we would try and win it on our own,because,we’ve helped each other so much this season.

When Chris said that 2 of us were going home though,we decided to help each other just a bit. “OK how ‘bout this,whoever finds their treasure first helps the other?”Duncan suggested. “WOW,that’s actually a really good idea,Duncan!”I said,surprised.

We all ran to find our ‘loot’.I checked Chef’s kitchen first.I must have smashed every smashable thing in there!Good thing Chef didn’t catch me!But,no matter where I looked,the gold key just wasn’t there. “Oh man!”I thought. “Where else would Chris and Chef keep a key?”Then I remembered that the gold car was the car that didn’t work,so they probably threw it out. “It’s a long shot,but it might still be in the trash.”I said to myself.I made my way over to the dump and bumped into Duncan. 

“Wow,what are you doing?”I asked looking him up and down. “Isn’t it obvious?Chris threw Mr.Coconut into the water,so he’s gotta be there somewhere.”he answered,like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Where you goin’?”he asked. “The key wasn’t in the kitchen,and I figured they would have thrown the key out,since that kart didn’t work,so I’m hoping it’ll still be in the trash.”I said. “Cool,well,good luck Pasty.” “Right back at ya Juvie.”,and I made my way to the trash.

I got there and started digging through the dumpster.Suddenly,I heard someone moving behind me. “AHHHHHHH”I screamed,and hit the person over the head with a baseball bat I found.The person stood up and growled! “Oh my God!What are you doing here.......Mike?!”I was about to say Mal,but I stopped myself.He hesitated. “Oh,uh.......I.....was just..um.......looking for my treasure,yeah um.........I need to find an original golden Chris statue,so I......just...um.....figured it would be in the dump.......so............yeah”I looked at him suspiciously. “Whatever......”I finally said,after a long and awkward silence.I kept looking,trying to avoid Mal as much as possible.

“So..........ummmm.........you know,i was just thinking that me,you and Zoey should make an alliance.........or......something.”He said awkwardly,after a really long pause. “Let me talk to Duncan”I said back coldly. “Well........I mean,I like Duncan,you know that.........it’s just........I was thinking it would be just you,me and Zoey,you know?” “Ugh,yeah right!Fat chance of that happening”I said rolling my eyes.

I quickly found the key and got out of there before Mal could say anything else.When I got back,Zoey had already won, and Duncan and Scott were already there.Even though Scott didn’t have his treasure.Later,at the elimination ceramony,Zoey got to choose who to flush out of me,Mal and Duncan.Scott automatically got the boot for coming back empty handed. “I’m really sorry Gwen,but I promised Mike I’d take him to the finale if I won,and you’re a really strong competitor.”she said hanging her head in shame while Scott was sitting in the flush of shame.

“If Gwen’s going, I’m going too!”Duncan said suddenly,climbing into the flush of shame. “Fine,whatever,makes things easier for me!”Chris agreed carelessly. “Duncan?!What are you doing?You have a chance to win ANOTHER million bucks!”I gasped. “I don’t need it Pasty!Still have loads left over from TDA.Anyway,I only came back cause you wanted to.” “Awww,thanks Duncan!Hey,Zoey,I really hope you win!And watch out for ‘Mike’!”I said staring straight at Mal.He simply looked around cluelessly,whistling that annoying song.

I’m not going to do episodes now that they were eliminated

And just like that,we were all flushed down the flush of shame,and sent back to ‘playa de losers’.We washed up on the shore of the beach,and walked over to the villa.When we walked in,they were all sitting around the pool.Lindsay turned around first and squealed “OMG Gwen!What are you doing here?!And Duncan too?!”I rolled my eyes as she pulled me into a hug and I hugged her back. “We were eliminated,Lindsay,just like you were.”

I pulled away from the hug and walked over to Cameron,rolling my eyes at Courtney as I did. “Hey,buddy.How you feeling?” “Oh,I’m fine!The doctor said I’ll only need my full-body cast for another 2 months!”he said excitedly. “Um........wow...that’s so....great!”I answered awkwardly.

The three of us that had just arrived went around to everyone,catching up on everything that had happened since they were eliminated.Duncan and I avoided Courtney,while Scott ran over to her as soon as we walked up.Me and Duncan just looked at him,looked at each other,and rolled our eyes.

We found out which rooms we were in and went to unpack and relax.Me and Duncan had rooms right next to each other,at the end of the hall.Duncan winked at me when we were going into our rooms and I just laughed and winked back.I unpacked my suitcase and went to join everyone else at the pool.Duncan was there,dipping doing laps around the pool.I went and put my feet in the water. “Wow!I never took you as a swimmer!” “Yeah,well......you just gonna sit there all night?”he asked,staring at me jokingly.I jumped in and started splashing him. “Oh,yeah,that’s how you wanna play?”he said,splashing me back.We continued splashing each other,and were wrestling in the water,when we heard a camera click.We turned and were shocked to see Sierra pointing her phone at us,taking a million pictures. “O.M.G!You two are sooooo cute together!My followers on my Gwuncan blog are gonna LOVE this.” 

We both rolled our eyes again and got out of the pool. “Way to ruin the mood,Stalkzilla!”Duncan shouted back at her.I laughed and we talked and joked until we got to our rooms.I had a shower and got ready for bed.I only remembered when my stomach started growling like crazy that I hadn’t eaten anything since Chef’s slop that morning.Then,I remembered that I was in a villa,that had ACTUAL FOOD and ran down to the kitchen.

Right as I was about to enter the kitchen when I heard the cupboard opening and pots and pans clanking together.I shook my head,rolled my eyes and walked in.I was expecting to see someone in there,but there was only a half eaten doughnut,in the shape of............Cody......sitting there on the table.I shrugged it off and went over to the fridge.I stood there for a few minutes,in awe.I hadn’t seen that much REAL FOOD for almost 2 months!I grabbed all the ingredients for my favorite grilled cheese and went over to the pans.I opened the cupboard and screamed!

“SIERRA?What  are you doing?!”I screamed. “Gwen favorite food:Grilled Cheese!”she said into her phone. “Oh,sorry Gwen!I was just hiding in there so I could see what you were doing!”she said,as if that isn’t creepy at all!I rolled my eyes again and grabbed a pan behind her.I made my sandwich and listen her going on about how ‘me and Duncan are soooooo cute together,even though boyfriend stealing is wrong,and almost all of her followers love us together and blah blah blah.’ I can’t even count the amount of times I rolled my eyes from the time that it took me to make my grilled cheese to clean up afterwards.

Even though I felt like my head was going to explode,I stayed for a while and listened to her rambling on.I eventually got away from her at about 10 ‘o clock and went up to my room.I found the letters my family and friends sent me on the dresser.I opened up one from my brother,and he told me that my mom was acting crazy again,and told me that I looked really stupid chasing Courtney around the way I did.In another letter,he told me that he was had re-watched the episode where I screamed at Duncan and Courtney about 1 million times.I laughed when I read that.I opened the letters from my mom next,and she just went on and on about how much they both missed me.I got 1 letter from Pixie Corpse,Reaper and Marilyn,which they wrote together.Reaper wrote that I needed to forget that stuck up b**ch and ‘focus on my dumbass boyfriend’,so it was obviously sent before episode 5.Marilyn went on about how stupid Duncan was being,while Pixie went on about how much they all hate Courtney.

I finally decided to stop re-reading my letters at around 11pm and went to sleep.

The next morning,I woke up,got in my swimwear and went down for breakfast in the dining room.I sat beside Cameron and Duncan sat beside me.I had to help Cameron with his food because of his cast,but I didn’t mind.It was kind of my fault he was hurt anyway.After breakfast,I put on sunscreen and layed on a beach lounger near the pool.I was just getting comfortable,when Duncan ran up and drenched me from head to toe with a bucket of ice water.I screamed and pushed him in the pool.I laughed and jumped in beside him.Lindsay,Sierra,Sam,Joe and Lightning jumped in after us,and we were all having a great time,while Heather stared at us in disgust,Alejandro stared at her in awe,Courtney stared at her PDA and Scott stared at her,drooling.

After a while,everyone got out,but me and Duncan stayed.We stopped joking around and just hung out at the edge. “So,you’re really not annoyed that you missed out on a million bucks?”I asked,looking up at him,smiling curiously. “Nah.I don’t need it.I only put up with Chris because you were there anyway.”I laughed,and splashed him.This spiked up another water fight,and we eventually started wrestling again.

A while later,we stopped because the lunch buffet was served.

Every day was pretty much the same,for about 3 days,until the day of the finale came.That morning,we all got ready and had breakfast.Then,we were brought to the camp and put in giant balloons.As soon as we saw the balloons,Duncan and I stared at each other with fear. “Oh,man,what’s Chris gonna do to us now?” I asked myself.I thought for sure that Cameron was still too injured to participate,since he was still in a bubble,with a broken arm,but they shoved him into a balloon anyway.

We were left flouting there for a while,until eventually,just as my claustrophobia started acting up,we heard voices. Chris explained to Zoey and Mal that they had 30 seconds to try and shoot us down,and any one of us they got down,would be their teammate.My claustrophobia really started to act up and I screamed for help.I could hear Duncan trying to calm me down,but I continued screaming.In the background,I heard Zoey and Mal shooting at us,and eventually,Zoey shot me down.

I ran over to her and hugged her tight,thanking her the whole time. “No problem Gwen,but I kinda need to shoot someone else down!”she said in her sweet,soft voice. “Oh!Right!Sorry!”I said,backing away.Zoey shot down Cameron next and Mal was able to shoot down Alejandro and Heather.Chris told us time was up and told one of the interns to collect everyone else,right as a huge gust of wind came and blew them all away. “Oh my God,Duncan!!I screamed. “Chris!How are you going to get them down?!”I asked,as Zoey stroked my arm calmly. “I don’t know,the interns will handle it.”He said,shrugging his shoulders.

Chris continued explaining the final challenge,while Alejandro and Heather made goo-goo eyes at each other,I kept looking up worriedly,Zoey and Cameron tried to calm me down,and Mal stared at nothing,groaning Mike’s name a few times.I didn’t notice until Chris mentioned it that Alejandro and Heather were actually DATING!I laughed and cringed for a few seconds until I remembered Duncan.I can’t believe I didn’t notice how disgusting those 2 were!It was kinda sad to see their rivalry end....

We followed Chris onto the cart and over to the challenge.When I actually saw ‘The Moats Of Doom’,I decided that I had to forget that Duncan had just floated into space,and focus on the challenge.Unless I wanted someone to get mutated like that Dakota chick,burned alive and have to be stuck in a robot suit like Alejandro,or have a shark as an enemy like Scott.

“So......excited?”Chris asked. “This challenge is crazy!”I exclaimed throwing my arms down. “Let’s not try to hurt Mal!”Zoey said desperately to me and Cameron, “Mike’s still in there,right Cameron?”.Cameron sighed sadly and said “I don’t think so,Zoey.And it’s possible that Mal was always Mal and Mike was just one personality.Either way,Mike’s gone.”

I looked at Zoey sympathetically while tears started to form in her eyes.I was sad too!I didn’t really know Mike that well,since I had only spoken to Mike as himself a small amount of times,and I only really knew what I had seen on the few episodes I watched of Total Drama Revenge Of The Island.Suddenly,Zoey came to her senses,wiped her eyes and said “Well,if Mal really is Mal,let’s go out,crush him,and win this thing!”. “Yeah!”I exclaimed as I high-fived Zoey.

She tried to high five Cameron from inside his bubble,but he rolled down the hill and over to Mal. “Keep your garbage on your side!”Mal laughed as he kicked Cameron passed Chris.Chris did the outro to the break,and we all prepared for the final challenge.

Zoey and I rolled Cameron over to the opposite side of the challenge and we were waiting to start when Mal called over, “Good luck Zoey!You’re gonna need it!”and he continued with evil laughter.Cameron looked over at him scared,while I gave him the stink eye. “No way I’m letting this jerk win a million bucks!”I thought.

Chris started the challenge and we ran to the first moat. “It’s too wide to jump across!”Zoey yelled desperately. “Maybe we could use these as stilts,” I suggested.I picked them up and tried lacing them in the toxic goop. “Or not”I said throwing the sticks down.We stood there desperately trying to think of something when Cameron piped up. “I have an idea,but I’m not crazy about it.” Zoey and I looked at each other suspiciously,and the next thing I knew we were sailing across the moat on Cameron’s bubble.

Zoey and I jumped off of the bubble right as it started sizzling up and Cameron was shot into Zoey’s arms. “Zoey has crossed the first moat.Zoey is in the lead.Zoey!Winning!”Chris said loudly,trying to annoy Mal.It worked,and Mal pole vaulted over the moat as me and Cameron started climbing the ladder.When he landed,he almost lost his balance and fell into the moat. “MIKE?!”Zoey screamed when she saw her boyfriend almost fall into a pit of toxic waste.

“Hey!He’s not Mike!”I shouted. “Remember that or he’ll introduce you to a pool of lava!” I understood she was concerned,but honestly,I was more concerned about making sure Zoey won!And more importantly,making sure ‘Mal’ lost! “Ok.Right.I know that.I do.”Zoey answered,as she ran to the ladder.

I helped Cam and Zoey up the ladder,fairly confident we were wayyy in the lead,but Mal was right behind us.We thought quickly and put the ladder across the lava so we could get over it.Just as Zoey was across and I was starting to climb over,Mal ran over and threw Cameron down beside the toxic waste.The ladder began to burn just as Zoey was in the middle,but she ran across before she fell in the lava.After I was sure she was ok,I turned to Mal. “You’ve got some nerve,you know that?!”and I went to hit him,but he grabbed my hand and threw me down beside Cam.I got up and we made our way over to Alejandro and Heather.The pain in my ankle was horrible,so I was in no mood for Heather when she said;“What’s wrong with you?” in her usual,whiney voice.

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter 7 : I'm Loving You

“I didn’t think it was anything at first. I mean, I think I just didn’t want to believe it. The first time I felt it was at Day of the Dead.” Will started explaining, petting my hair softly. “Power went out that night, too.” Mike exclaimed. “And then I felt it again at the field near the Nelson farm the next day. Then again yesterday outside Castle Byers.” he continued, making me bite my lip. “What does it feel like?” Max questioned, curious. “It’s almost like You know when you drop on a roller coaster? It’s like everything inside your body is just sinking all at once, but this is worse. Your body it goes cold and and you can’t breathe. I’ve felt it before, whenever he was close.” Will continued, looking at me worriedly. “Whenever who was close?” Max pressed, making me shake my head. “The Mind Flayer.” Will answered, making me sob softly hearing that again. “I closed the gate.” El explained, shocked. “I know, but what if he never left? What if we locked him out here with us? This is him. All of him. But, that day on the field, a part of him attached itself to me. My mom got it out of me and Eleven closed the gate.But the part that was still in me, what if it’s still in our world? In Hawkins.” Will drew a sketch of the Mind Flayer, explaining everything. “I don’t understand. The Demodogs died when El closed the gate. If the brain dies, the body dies.” Max refuted, but I shook my head. “I can’t take any chances…W-We can’t take any chances…We gotta assume the worst…A-And if that fucker is back…Th-Then…Then…Billy…” I put my hands in my hair in desperation, pulling at it. “He’d need new me. A new host. And it’s possible that Fox found the host.” Will muttered, hugging me. “How can you tell if someone is a host?” El asked softly, looking at us. “Lets go to the pool. It’s Billy’s shift now.” I offered, driving them to the pool and getting out the binoculars, spying at him.

He was staying in the life guard chair, with a long-sleeved sweater, a towel over his legs and an ice cold drink in his hand, sweating like crazy, which made me hit my head on the car.

“That’s it…He’s the host…He likes it cold, remember? The Sun is hurting him…And…And Billy doesn’t wear long sleeved sweaters…He kept saying they’re for nerds and he’d rather die than wear any.” I choked out in a very depressed voice. “Yeah, but he’s lounging at the pool, which is, like, the least Mind Flayer thing ever.” Max tried to reason, but Will shook his head.  “Not necessarily. The Mind Flayer likes to hide. He only used me when he needed me. It’s like like you’re dormant. And then, when he needs you, you’re activated.” Will told us, ready for a fight.  “Okay, so we just wait until he gets activated.” the girl asked in confusion, looking at each of us.  “No. What if he hurts someone?” Mike asked, incredulous.  “Or kills someone. We can’t take that chance. We need to find out if he’s the host” Will said, hurrying to the pool with the other 2. “Where are you going?” Max yelled after them, but they paid us no mind. “I have an idea. Boys only. Just trust me on this one.” Mike yelled back, not looking back. “This is gonna end up so badly…” I muttered, sneaking inside the pool with El, while Max stayed behind to watch over her brother.

Inside, we started making our plan to work and we lay in wait for Billy to finish his shift, at night. Before anything, however, I looked at Mike and gripped his shoulders tightly.

“Mike. I think you’re the most physically strong from the party. Look, I-I…I know how I can be…Wh-When we do our plan…C-Can you please make sure I stay back? I…I’m afraid I might do something to destroy the plan when I’ll see him in pain…So if anything happens, can I trust you to stop me?” I asked, looking hopeful at him, my heart breaking at the idea. “Sure, Fox. We’ll all make sure everything will be okay. We promise.” he reassured me, and I could only smile and sit down, scratching at my legs, waiting.

After what felt like a million years, the pool closed and Billy went to take a shower, and after he was done, we started our plan. I and El messed around a bit with the doors and lockers, making noise, while Mike put the dummy in the sauna room and duct taped the walkie to its waist, and called out Billy’s name, making him follow the noises, until he went berserk and got in the sauna, where he confused the dummy with a human and threatened him. But then, Mike told him to look behind, and El used her powers to slam him to the wall behind, making me cringe at the impact, feeling his pain, and the rest secured the door locked.

Billy then pressed his face to the door window and glared at us, pounding on the door, which made me flinch, Mike and Will holding my hands.

“Kat…Kat, let me out…They’re holding you back, ain’t they?…You kids! You think this is funny? You kids think this is some kind of sick prank, huh? You little shits think this is funny? What is this? Open the door. Open the door! OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE GODAMN DOOR!!” he yelled again, but somehow slid down the door with a grunt, and that was the last straw and I ran to the door, planting my hands on the door and looking through the window at the collapsed boy. “Billy! Billy, are you okay? Baby, talk to me, please!” I raised my voice, trying to make him hear me. “It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault, Kat. I promise you, it’s not my fault.” he cried on the floor, pleading and praying at me to forgive him. “What’s not your fault, honey? It’s okay, you can tell me! I’m right here!” I reassured him in a sweet voice, despite my heart ripping itself in pieces. “I’ve done things, Kat. Really bad things. I didn’t mean to. He made me do it.” he implored, looking at me and sobbing. “Who made you do it, sugar? I’m here, baby, it’s gonna be okay, I promise! I’m here to protect you!” I put my forehead to the window, looking at him. “I don’t know, it’s like a shadow. Like a giant shadow. Please, Kitten, please forgive me!” he begged and begged, rocking back and forth on the ground, making me sob and rake my fingers on the door. “What did he make you do, sweetheart? I promise I’m not mad, so please, tell me what happened.” I tried to persuade him to tell me, “It’s not my fault, okay? Kitten, please. Please, believe me, Kitten, it’s not my fault. I tried to stop him, okay? I did. Please believe me, Kat. Please believe me!” he slid down on the ground, barely hanging up, holding the bench, which made my legs tremble. “Baby, it’s gonna be okay! I promise you, you’ll be alright, honey! I will save you, no matter what!” I cried, cursing myself for not being able to just break down the door and hold him.  “Kitten, please…” he chocked, sobbing, looking as helpless as never before. “It’s gonna be okay, sweety, I swear! We want to help you, we WILL help you, I promise! I swear on my life! We will to help you, just have to talk to us, okay? You have to talk to us, sweetheart! I know it’s not your fault, love, I know, I believe you! You are a good person, I know that. You let me see your good side, and you’re such a lovely and sweet person who deserves the world…We’ll figure it out together, okay? I promised I will always be there for you, and I will! Please, baby, I need you to trust me. Please…Please-” tears wouldn’t stop falling down my face so hard that I didn’t realise he wasn’t Billy anymore just like that, nor that the kids were talking, warning me to step back.

It was too late when I realised, as I was barely able to side step the glass shards from the window as he broke it, glaring, cursing and threatening me. “Let me out, you fucking bitch! Let me out or I’ll fucking gut you! LET ME OUT!” he kept repeating, and I swear I never felt my heart hurt so much than now, seeing him in so much pain. “Fox, get away from there!” Lucas yelled before hitting him with…Something. Something strong enough to make him fall back…And let the monster take over him.

Billy roared in pain as the monster took over him, and while I felt vulnerable as hell, I stood in front of the kids, wiping away my tears and standing my ground as he started pounding on the door like a mad bull, until he destroyed it.

“Billy…? I know you’re in there. Please…It’s me…Your Kitten…Please, baby, look at me and remember. You’re strong, baby, you’re strong, so fight that monster possessing you and come back to me, I beg of you!” I cried out to him, but it had no effect at all, his eyes remained unwavering…With the only exception of a stray tear falling down his face as he lunged towards me.

“I’m so sorry, baby…” I choked out, as I made the weights levitate and hit him, pinning him on the wall. “GET OUT OF HERE, ALL OF YOU! I’LL KEEP HIM BUSY!” I screamed at them, concentrating as hard as I could on pinning him but it wasn’t that easy, for the monster overpowered me and made him throw the weights back at me, hitting me in the stomach, kicking out the air from my lungs, and in turn, falling over El. I was barely able to take off the weights, that he took me by the hair and snapped my head back to look at him…But he wouldn’t look at me, but at the kids, as he slammed his hand on my throat and raised me high into the air, choking me.

“B-Billy…! P-Please, h-hon-ney…P-Ple-ase…”

I managed to choke out between gasps of air. My vision became blurry and I didn’t realise that El used her powers to hit Billy with the weights again, making him drop me to the ground like a rag doll, until I stood up when he strutted towards them, and I levitated him in the air, this time the strain an infinite times worse, for some reason that I suspect would be the Mind Flayer’s influence on his body. 

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF HIM, YOU MONSTER!!” I shriek in a shrill and desperate voice as I slammed his body so hard on the wall that he went through, running away, making me collapse on the floor, sobbing from the effort and seeing the love of my life in such a state.

“Fox! Fox, are you okay? Fox, look at me!”

Will shook me desperately, screaming my name, and I could only throw my arms around his frail body wailing in pain, emotionally, for my body felt numb.

“WHY HIM?! WHY?! WHY DID THE FUCKING MONSTER HAVE TO TAKE HIM?! FUCKING HELL, WHY?!”

I screamed my lungs out, letting out all my frustrations.

“It’s okay, Fox, it’s okay, I promise you we will save him. I promised you and I won’t back down on my words, okay?”

he held my face in his hands, looking into my eyes, and I could only nod and say a barely audible

“Okay”

, before they helped me on my feet and we got out of there.

We went back to Mike’s house where El and Max went to the bathroom to clean El up from the blood, while I just stood on the ground, looking at the ceiling, my mind completely blank, not being able to think of feel anything. I couldn’t hear what anyone around me was saying, arguing or doing, it was just me and my own world, thinking, overthinking, my head spinning and mixing like it was gonna snap and remain unfixable.

That is, until a sweet voice and a shook woke me up to reality, and I saw Nancy’s gorgeous eyes looking concerned at me.

“When did you get here…?” I asked in a shushed voice, tilting my head slightly. “We just got here. What happened with you…? Here, let me clean you up.” she helped me get on the couch and took some watered tissues and cleaned my face. “Billy happened. He’s been possessed by the Mind Flayer. Fox tried her best to get to Billy’s mind, but the Mind Flayer was stronger and it made Billy attack us…And her, especially.” Will explained, licking his lips, afraid he might trigger another panic attack for me. “It’s fine, Will…I’ll be okay…I am okay…He is not…As long as he’s okay, I am okay…” I said in a very robotic voice, my vision still not focused on everything and I felt like rolling around in a limbo state. “Your neck…Does it still hurt?” she asked, touching it gingerly. “A bit. More when I talk…No big deal, no worries.” I shrugged nonchalantly. “Look at the body temperatures.” Nancy said, showing us a paper with the victim’s weirdly cold body temperature.  “He likes it cold." I muttered, glaring softly at the paper.  "Okay, so this crazy old woman who was eating fertilizer. What time was this attack?” Mike asked, a bit frustrated. “Last night. Around 9:00.” Nancy answered, making Jonathan look at her.  “You waited all night to call?” he asked, a bit shocked. “I was waiting for the doctors to run some tests.” she explained, looking down. “You weren’t there?” Will asked, making his brother shake his head.  “Well, I’m here now, aren’t I?” he tried to defend himself, but Nancy was annoyed and dramatically exclaimed "Hallelujah!“, making Lucas go "Ooh.” and me to facepalm at how badly and awkwardly they were handling everything.  “Um, so, what time was your sauna test?” Nancy asked, making us all answer in unison "Around 9:00.“ "Well, that proves it. That proves my theory.” the girl clapped her hands together, nodding at us in victory. “She’s flayed, just like Billy.” Mike informed, making Jonathan look weird at him. “Flayed?” he asked in confusion. “The Mind Flayer. He flays people. Takes over their mind. Once they do that, they basically become him. If there are two flayed, we have to assume there are more.” Will explained to them the matter. “Heather Holloway. I’m sure she’s been flayed. I’ve known about both of them since I saw them at her house.” I muttered, biting my lip in annoyance. “Then let’s go to her house and see if we can find any clues!” Nancy exclaimed, rushing us to the car.

We drove back to Heather’s house, which was a complete mess, and we found a mix of chemicals on the counter and the scene of the crime, where we realised that Heather struck her father with the wine bottle, then Billy tied them up and dragged them to a place where the Mind Flayer wouldn’t want us to see, so now we have to unveil that secret.

Great!

And at the end…We went to visit the old lady that got Flayed, hoping that she’ll be able to guide us to the place where it all started and we can save every-…Fuck that.

I don’t care about everyone.

I’m not gonna lie anymore, fuck it.

I just want to save Billy and keep him safe.

Fuck the old lady.

Fuck Heather.

Fuck Heather’s parents.

Fuck everyone else that isn’t Billy Hargrove.

—

Back at home, El was in the other room, trying to locate Heather or someone so we could find out where the source is. I’ve been trying to make her let me do it in her stead, since I’m practically running on a thousand miles per hour with worry and I can’t stay still no matter what…So I just started pacing everywhere in the room, until she got back here and told us that she has to try another way to locate them.

“I am doing it. I’m done letting you do everything. I physically canNOT stay still any longer and I swear to fucking God that if I have to take another breath instead of looking for him, I will explode. So give me that scarf, forgive me for being such a bitch, and let me do this.” I panted, gripping her shoulders and peering so deep into her eyes that I could practically see her soul. “Are you sure, Kat? It could be dangerous. You’ve never done this before, right?” she blinked at me, worriedly, but I only shook my head. “Please, El, I beg of you. Let me do this. It’s killing me and I don’t know if I can take much more of this. He’s all alone out there and he needs me. It’s…It’s gonna be 4th of July, El. He promised he’d take me on a trip to the mountains, just us two…Just us, alone, with the forest, camping fire, the lake and or favourite rock songs that sing to me while playing the piano…He’s scared, and El, my heart can’t take thinking of him crying and hurting anymore. Please, let me do it. Please.” I fell to my knees, hugging her tightly and sobbing in her shirt, begging her to let me do something so I won’t feel as useless. “Okay, Kat…But please be okay. Be careful.” she sighed, petting my hair and giving me the scarf. “Okay…Okay…So…I just stay here, TV open…And you guys shut up while I try to focus…And I do my thing…Kinda like how I did with Will, right? That should be it…I hope…” I hyped myself, sitting on the floor as I tied the scarf around my eyes and took a deep breath.

It didn’t take long before the dizzying from searching vanished and I found myself in a dark place, walking on water, and there, in front of me, stood Billy on a bed. I rushed to him, taking in the cried face and the wound on his face, and my heart was so overwhelmed with emotions that I kneeled in front of him, taking one of his hands in both of mine, holding it on my face, calling out to him.

“Billy…? Baby? Can you hear me, sweetheart? …Honey, can you hear my voice…?" 

I called out to him again and again, letting a few stray tears fall down my cheeks, until his eyes, no longer fixed in one point, averted to mine. At first, I could see a flicker of guilt, fright and recognision…But it all faded away as soon as it came and with the other hand, he gripped my neck tightly again, making me choke and gasp for air, and without realising, I used my powers to push myself from his grasp, and I fell -

And I fell -

And I kept falling and falling, and it felt like I was in slow motion, like sleep paralysis all over again, as flashbacks coming from Billy’s mind, the car-crash, the fights, the victims, how he tried to escape the monster…Everything.

That is, until I found myself splattered on a beach, the waves wetting my clothes, making me get up…

I was scared, my head was spinning, the flying and croaking seagulls were making me feel sick and the sound of the water, trying to find a place to focus and stop the growing anxiety attack…

"Fox?! Fox, are you okay?!” I could somehow hear from outside this place. “Yeah…I’m fine now…” I managed to mumble, not sure if my voice was heard. “Can you see anything?” Will asked, trying to keep me grounded. “I’m at the beach…California…” I sighed, moving on.

Looking around, I could see a little boy with a surf board, running happily to his mother, a gorgeous woman in a white dress, wearing a hat.

That was Billy.

“What can you see?” he questioned, his voice firm, but still gentle. “I…I can see Billy…He’s so young…And he’s so happy…He’s…He’s smiling…And he’s talking to his mum…He’s going back to surf…” I informed them, before they both vanished as soon as I looked ahead and saw a huge storm with red lights. “I think I see the source.” I said sternly, making a run for it.

Running was never my strong point, but now, I couldn’t care less about my aching muscles or burning lungs. On my way there, I passed by that shithead Neil, yelling, insulting and reprimanding Billy, which made me try to push him away, but my hands when through the smoke-like figure, and it pissed me off to no end, continuing to run.

I couldn’t bear looking at the imagine of a kid Billy beating out a kid and calling him the same names his poor excuse of a father called him.

The storm kept getting harder and harder to pass through, the more his heart ached at those memories, including those where his father hit his mother, when she finally left them and he kept begging her to return over the phone, when his father remarried and showed him Max…And then…The car crash, how he got to that place…And that place had the monster take him.

I screamed out after him, but before I could process anything, that memory vanished and I was in the eye of the storm. I passed his broken Camaro…And got to this dubious building, with must have been the source.

“Brimborn Steelworks.” I told the kids as I looked at the huge letters on the building. “Okay, Fox, great job, now get out of there!” Will called out, making me try to get back, focusing on leaving.

This made my head spin like crazy, and the feeling of falling from earlier felt even worse, as it was reversed, and I could see everything that happened to him, from the car crash, how we went to the phone, how he got dragged inside the building…How he turned Heather and her parents into one of them…How he attacked me…How he screamed in pain…Everything.

By the time I was able to take out the scarf and finally breathe again, I found myself all alone in the house, which made me panic even harder.

“Will?! MAX?! NANCY?! HELLO?! GUYS, WHERE ARE YOU?!” I screamed as hard as my lungs kept me, crying and pacing around in circles, until I heard a sort-of demonic voice called out from another room. “They can’t hear you.” it said, as Billy came into the room, looking as robotic as ever. “You shouldn’t have come look for me.” he declared, approaching me. “Because now I can see you. We all can see you.” he pressed on, walking towards me in a very intimidating and threatening manner, making me back away as fast as I could, all while looking at the tears that kept trying to escape and flow down his face. “Leave him alone! Get away from him!” I barely managed to choke out as he smirked. “YOU let us in and now YOU are going to let us stay. We’ve been building it for you. All that work, all that pain all of it for you. And now it’s time. Time to end it.” he grinned manically, trying to get closer to me. “NO! SHUT UP! GO AWAY! LEAVE HIM ALONE! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!!!” I screamed as hard as I could, sobbing, crying, wailing like a cat in distress, but he didn’t seem to disappear no matter how hard I tried to focus on making him disappear. “And we are going to end you.” I kept shaking my head, screaming at the top of my lungs for him to get out, but to no avail. “And when you are gone, we are going to end your friends.” he said in an even darker voice, frightening me like never before. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!” I shrieked, falling to my knees, gripping my head in desperation. “And then we are going to end everyone.” he ended with a satisfied deadpan comment, making me let out a high pitched shrill scream, “GET OUT!!!”, making my vision start to twist, as I somehow made Billy fly and slam into the wall behind him, but just as my whole vision went black, I could hear a very faint “I’m sorry, Kitten.” making me scream in agony and somehow, fall to the ground in the real world, coughing blood and crying.

“Get back…Please…Please get back…” I managed to cry out barely audible, curling down on the carpet and wallowing in self pity. “Kat…? Kat, what happened?” Nancy asked, kneeling in front of me and helping me stand, hugging me. “You were yelling for something to get out of your head…Did the Mind Flayer get to you?” she peered on, making me nod. “Controlling Billy…He…He said that…They were gonna kill me…Me and El… And then all my friends…And then everyone…But…But at the end…I-I-I could h-hear h-his voice…Billy’s…The real Billy…A-And…H-He said…He said ‘I’m sorry, Kitten.’ a-and I knew he was still there…And I want him back…I want him back, Nancy, please, I want him back…” I cried in her chest as she tried to calm me down by saying reassuring words that I doubt she believed anyways. “Did he tell you anything else?” Will asked softly, trying not to scare me. “He…He knows we are here…We were right here…In this place…A-And he said he can see us…And…I think they might be coming over…What do we do…?” I questioned them, my mind completely out of it. “Also…He’s building an army…To kill me and El…So…I think I should leave this place before I put you in more danger…” I muttered, trying to get up, but Nancy held me tight. “You’re not going anywhere. We stand and fight someway. We need a plan.” she reprimanded me like a mum would, making me sit still and sigh. “Nancy…I-I think…I hear something from outside…Can you…?” I asked softly, looking up at her. “…I do. Do you guys hear that…?” she asked in a hushed tone as she got closer to the window.

She dragged me outside, to see the fireworks, but the bad thing was that we could see the monster hitting trees and getting towards us, making me let out a shaky laugh and mutter “We’re fucked.”

We ran back in the cabin and closed all possible entrances, giving everyone weapons as everything started shaking and the lights kept flickering.

All of a sudden, a huge tentacle came through the window, aiming at Nancy, but Jonathan managed to hit it. Instead, the tentacle got mad and slapped Jonathan into the wall, which got Nancy to shoot all the Shotgun bullets at it, which made her the monster’s trajectory. She backed into the wall, but I got in between her and the monster and used my powers to stop the tentacle and make it back away, before another show out and attacked me. I held both tentacles with my hands, but another came through the roof, biting my leg and I sure as hell wasn’t expecting that.

I kept screaming out to them to help me, and it took all of them to hold me back and El to use her powers to get the monster to back off, not before she got her arm scratched as well. But even after Lucas and El managed to sever that tentacle, making me fall to the ground, the teeth and head were still attached to my leg like a leech, making Nancy pull away at it, throwing it away, and me screaming in agony. How the hell do I still have a voice after everything going on…

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM US, YOU, FUCKASS!” I screamed at the monster as it returned even after that, which made me royally pissed, and pulling myself up by tugging at Will’s clothes, I use as much of my power as I can hitting the monster’s head on the roof, getting help from El to then split its head in two, and making it get the hell away from us…Well, more like drawing back for a few seconds as it roared in pain.

I collapsed on the floor, clutching my leg in pain and cursing away life as it is, before Jonathan helped me up and we all got to the car, somehow fitting all of us and driving the hell away to the nearest market, where the kids got some freaky fireworks and I asked Nancy and Max to give me some stuff to nurse away my wound, despite my vision being blurry as hell from the pain.

I’m a doctor in training, who cares if I can’t see, it’s just a bite, it shouldn’t be too bad, right?

As Max and I cleaned and disinfected my wound, El and the rest tried to see where the hell Dustin was, and in the end, we ended up driving to Starcourt, where El used her powers to knock over some Russians that were threatening Steve, Robin, Dustin and Lucas’ little sister.

Yes, the reunion was lovely, everyone was trying to explain and fill in each puzzle piece, but I couldn’t hear anything but a ringing, my leg hurt so much that it send shocks all over my body and I felt like throwing up worse than from those Vodka-days. The state of vertigo was so bad that I collapsed to the floor, barely able to call out for Nancy. The ceiling was rotating, maybe even I was, I couldn’t tell anymore. I gripped my head and started crying, my heart hurt in fear from this circling around, but my leg….My leg was killing me.

“Nancy…M-My l-leg…H-Help…” I managed to choke out, and the reactions they had as they revealed the wound was enough to scare me and not want to see it. “There’s something inside it. We have to take it out.” one of them said, making me scream and cry in pain. “M-Monster…I think…Out…” I tried to explain that I thought a bit of that monster was in my wound, but I don’t know what they understood.

The girl instructed Jonathan to get a pair of gloves, a knife and some wood and as they got there, I panted a bit, coughing a bit of blood, before scowling.

“Two hold me down…One cut fast…I take out…” I managed to say between sobs, and that’s just how it went down.

Robin and Steve held me down as I shrieked, biting on that wood piece, Nancy and Will were the emotional support while Jonathan managed to cut the swollen wound, shocking everyone.

“Me…Now…Off…” I panted after taking out that wood, trying to regain my courage. “Come on, Kat, you’re a strong girl! You can do it!” Robin encouraged me, hugging my side, and I could only nod absent-mindedly, screaming in agony as I used my powers to get that moving monster residue out of my wound and I collapsed again on the floor, sobbing. “My only fear in life for so long…Has been pain…So why…Do I have to endure this…? Why…?…I just want Billy back…I just wanna go to California with him…And be happy.” I tried to calm myself, closing my eyes, imagining my ideal life, away from all this mess. “It’s gonna be over soon.” a voice I haven’t heard in a long while called out, making me raise up my torso and see Hopper, with Joyce and another man, making me cry in shock and happiness. “Jim…? Why are you here…?” I asked, smiling through my tears. “Rescuing you, of course.” he let out an amused breath, getting me and El to sit on the bench, holding us both as everyone started explaining what the hell was going on here.

Frankly, I’m not sure that we actually know for sure what the hell is going on here, not even with the proper information, but even so, we had to do SOMETHING.

“I can help…” I found myself saying randomly, despite not even knowing what they were talking about. My mind was still hazy and I was trying with much difficulty to put back together my sanity…For Billy…And for everyone here. “No, missy, you’re staying right here and that’s an order. Both of you. We have a plan and we all gotta stick to it, roger?” he asked in a mock military voice, getting me to giggle. “Roger that, Captain Hopper…Please return to me safely. Please. I don’t want to live in a world without Captain Hopper, okay? There’d be nobody to visit me, call me regularly to make sure I’m okay and nobody to bring me food and water, 'cause I’m a forgetful klutz who forgets to breathe sometimes.” I laughed weakly, making him chuckle in return. “Don’t worry, kid, I don’t plan on letting the Russians get me…But…Here, take this. Don’t open it until you’re home, okay? Promise.” he made me promise like we always did…A pinky promise, and I nodded my head and grinned, my heart aching at the thought of letting him go again, but I hooked my pinky to his nonetheless. “And you please promise to take care of yourself and Joyce. Please.” I looked at him in the eyes, and despite his sorrowful look, he nodded and got up.

We were in 3 groups…Again.

Jonathan and Nancy told us to get in the car so we could drive to a safer place, but on a closer inspection, Jonathan realised that the ignition cable was taken away and…Billy was in his Chevrolet, about to bust into us, so we ran back inside and looked for weapons and ways to keep ourselves safe.

I noticed El trying to move the car or make a soda pop burst open, and she couldn’t, which panicked me a bit and I tried as well…

But I could do it.

Okay, okay, better reserve my energy for when the monster arrives-

Which is now…Through the roof…

A G A I N

“TAKE COVER!” I yelled at them, making Jonathan, Nancy, Lucas and Will hide behind a car, while I, Max, El and Mike behind a counter, trying not to breathe too loudly as the monster kept prowling around and Dustin was screaming into a Walkie talkie.

We distracted the monster so we’d go through the Gap, but we walked on glass shards which made loud noises, getting the monster onto our backs. We got saved by Lucas’ amazing ranger skills since he popped a balloon and we could run away.

We all ran outside, and somehow Steve and Robin managed to run into Billy’s car, making him stop following us, and got the monster to follow them, but at the same time, I and the other 3 had to get back in the mall because Billy was trying to attack us, and while sure, Max closed the gate, Billy was much stronger than all of us put together, and inside, he knocked all of us out and picked me up and offered me as some sort of sacrifice to the Mind Flayer.

“Billy! Baby! Honey! Sugar! Billy, love, can you hear me?! Please, don’t let him kill me! Please!” I tried to call out to him, crawling away, but as the monster tried attacking me, the kids used those gunpowder fireworks to distract the monster.

The fireworks seemed to hurt Billy as well, since he fell to his knees, screaming away in pain while I tried to crawl away from there, but I suddenly felt a strong grip on my wound and I shrieked in pain, clawing at the ground to get away, until I got thrown to the ground and Billy put both hands on my neck, squeezing, dragging me up and down and I panted for hair and screamed in pain and fright.

But then he stopped.

And he looked in my eyes.

And I knew this was the opportunity I was looking for.

“Remember California, baby? Remember the waves? The seagulls? The sand? The sun? The water…Was 7 feet, you said…You were surfing, remember? And…And your mum was there…So beautiful…Long blond hair, a long white dress, a nice straw hat, her sandals in her hands…She looked like a princess…I guess that’s why you are so beautiful, honey…You take after her…” I choked out, reliving those memories of his at the same time as him, as I put my hands on his face, wiping away the tears forming. “Baby, you were so happy back then…Happier than I could ever make you…And I’m so sorry I couldn’t make you as happy as you deserve, because you deserve the world, sugar. I promised I’d keep you safe, that I would protect you, but instead, I let that monster take over you…And I’m so sorry, Billy, it’s all my fault.” I cried, realising that all parts of the monsters were gone by now, but he was too stunned to say anything at all. “Remember "Christmas, sweety? Remember our first kiss? Remember when we first slept together? Remember how flustered I was when you first called me Your Kitten? Remember how happy we were when we got our scholarships? We said we’d move to Cali together…Have fun and be happy…Together…Just us…Baby, today is the 4th of July, do you remember? We said we’d be going on a trip to the mountains…Just us two, together, in love, happy, nobody and nothing to bother us…My love, do you remember these necklaces? I am yours, and you are mine and everybody knew it…” I choked on my words, my heart hurting so much from everything going on, until I realised that the kids were out of fireworks and I had to do something, or we’d get attacked. “I’m sorry, Kitten…” Billy managed to say, barely above a whisper, making me sob and throw my arms around his neck, holding him closer to me just for a few more seconds…I finally had my Billy back with me…And I was his Kitten once again. “Baby…I love you so much, Billy. I love you with all my heart and please, please, never forget me. I love you to the Moon and back.” I said between sobs as I pulled him in a deep kiss, before using one hand to push him away from me, while with the other I stopped one of the monster’s tentacles that was threatening us.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM AND MY KIDS! YOU HURT ME, THAT’S ALRIGHT, YOU’VE DONE YOUR SHARE, OKAY! BUT IF YOU TOUCH MY BILLY OR MY KIDS AGAIN, YOU’RE GONNA FUCKING WISH YOU DIDN’T EXIST, YOU PIECE OF SHIET!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, letting out all frustrations, all feelings, all the pent up rage that residued my heart as it threw another tentacle at me, now stopping them both with my hands.

“FUCK OFF! GO BACK TO YOUR STUPID DIMENSION AND LEAVE US ALONE! LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID! YOU HURT HIM! YOU FUCKING HURT HIM!! DIDN’T HE GO THROUGH ENOUGH?! YOU FUCKING MONSTER!!” I shrieked, holding it off as best as I could, not even caring that my face was smeared with blood from my nose and eyes.

“YOU MADE ME HURT HIM! HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME FUCKING HURT HIM?! AND WORSE, HOW COULD YOU FORCE HIM TO BREAK HIS PROMISE AND HURT ME AND THE KIDS?! AND HIS SISTER?! HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU FUCKING ABOMINATION!!” I had no idea if my words came out coherent anymore, for a 3rd tentacle circled around me and shot me through my right shoulder, making me writhe in pain, but I still stood my ground, crying.

“YOU THINK THIS IS GONNA STOP ME?! THEY’RE CLOSING THE FUCKING GATE RIGHT NOW! AND YOU’LL FUCKING DIE! YOU WILL BE GONE! NOBODY WILL REMEMBER YOU! DEAD! THAT’S WHAT YOU’LL BE! NOTHING BUT ASHES!” I raged at it, trying to stop my trembling legs as I coughed blood like never before.

“Guys…My vision’s becoming blurry…Warn me if there’s a new vine or whatevs shooting…” I mumbled, not sure if they heard me, until I heard a shrill “LOOK OUT!” and I felt my stomach get hit, making me vomit blood and choke for air, but still not breaking focus for one second.

“You fucktard…Really…Don’t want me…To be happy…Do you? You can’t…Let me…Enjoy my life…With the love of my life…And my friends…You disgusting piece of shit.” I cursed it, as one another vine shot my already damaged leg, making me fall on one knee, screaming in concentration and anger.

“ARE YOU FUCKING HAPPY NOW?! I CAN’T FUCKING SEE! BLANK! ALL BLACK! NOTHING! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED?! FOR ME TO OVERUSE MY POWERS SO YOU CAN KILL ME?! WELL, THINK AGAIN! I CAN GO BLIND AND DEAF AND MUTE AND I WON’T BUDGE FROM HERE! YOU’RE NOT HURTING ANYONE AGAIN!” I shrieked, not even bothering to feel fear from being completely blind and unaware of my surrounding, just trying to hold that thing off as long as possible.

“Kitten, you’re doing so well! It will be alright! You…We will be alright! Just hang in there a bit longer, and this fuckass will die! We’re gonna have our revenge, baby!” I could hear Billy’s voice called out from in front of me, confusing me slightly 'cause I knew he was behind me, but my mind wasn’t rational anymore.

“CLOSE THE FUCKING GATE ALREADY! I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN KEEP THIS UP ANYMORE! COME ON! COME ON! COME ON!” I raged on, even more motivated and angrier than before, but thankfully, it didn’t last long before all sounds stopped around me and there was no more pressure.

I was confused…Did I die, or did we win? Did they close the gate?

I found myself slowly turning behind me, licking my lips a bit, not sure how I was still standing anymore.

“Hey…Did we win…?” I asked, barely audible. “Yeah, Fox, we won! The Mind Flayer is dead! We won the Campaign! Fox, you’re the best Party Leader ever!” I could hear the kids screaming in genuine joy, making me laugh, but it felt more like coughing more blood. “Are you all okay? Hurt, anyone? Billy?” I questioned, feeling my legs give out. “We’re all fine, thanks to you. You saved us, Kitten. You saved us.” Billy’s soft and gentle voice echoed from behind me, which made me sob of happiness and collapse to the ground, finally feeling all the pain surge through my veins as adrenaline vanished and relief took over me. “I’m…So happy…So, so happy…That you’re finally okay…” I cried out, burying my face into his chest, as he caught me and lowered me to the ground, holding me tightly, just before I hit the ground. “We’re finally together, baby. We’ll move back to Cali together and there’s no more Hawkins or monsters or anything. And Imma take you on that mountains trip very soon, I promised. So baby, smile at me. It’s the only thing that kept me alive all this time.” he kissed my forehead gently, make me giggle painfully, finally feeling safe. “I missed you so much, Billy. Every day, every second, every time I’d blink or breathe, my heart ached so much for you…I was so afraid I wouldn’t be able to save you…But now you’re here, with me, and it’s all that matters. I can die happy now…I can be happy for once…” I cried softly, not knowing if it was water or blood anymore and nor did I care. “No, baby, no, you’re not dying on me, I’m not letting you die. The ambulance is on the way, you’ll be okay, I swear to you. I promise, so please, hang on, listen to my voice and don’t fall asleep.” his voice became shaky and I could feel his tears falling on my face, mixing with mine. “Please, don’t forget me, baby. Be happy, live your dreams, enjoy life…But don’t forget me. I’m scared of being alone.” my bottom lip quivered, barely able to speak. “What are you even saying, you’re not dying! I’m not letting go of you no matter what! Kat, stay with me!” Billy called out desperately, trying to make sure I stay awake. “I just…I wish I could see you one last time…Stupid powers…Blinding me like this…How stupid…And I just wanted to see your beautiful face once again…” I sighed, biting my lip in resignation. “You will see me again, baby, I promise. This isn’t the end, I promise you. I swear on my life.” he kept reassuring me over and over again, until he stopped dead in his tracks. “Time, it needs time to win back your love again…I will be there, I will be there” I began, straining my voice to sing the lyrics that brought us so many emotions throughout the year. “No, no, no, don’t you dare sing that song…” he took in a sharp breath, desperate for my life. “Love, only love can bring back your love someday…I will be there, I will be there” I kept panting for air as I put my hands on his face, smiling at him softly. “Don’t do this to me, Kitten, please, I beg of you, don’t do this to me.” he kept shaking his head, tears falling down his face like a river. “Fight, babe, I’ll fight to win back your love again…I will be there, I will be there” I gently wiped away his tears. “You already fought a whole war just to save me…So please…Don’t leave me now…” he kept sobbing, holding me close to his chest. “Love, only love can bring down the wall someday…I will be there, I will be there” I raked my fingers through his messy hair, trying to make him look at me. “You are the only one who saw me for who I was…Kat…Kitten…Honey, please…Don’t break my heart, please…” he sobbed in my chest, gripping my clothes as tight as he could, afraid to let go, as if I was going to disappear. “If we go again all the way from the start…I would try to change the things that killed our love” I sang in a softer voice, both out of energy, and only for him to hear. “You already killed all the monsters, that’s enough! Kat, keep your energy, stop singing! Stop this, you’re hurting me!” he cried out, letting go a bit, to look at my smiling face. “Is there really no chance to start once again…?” I managed to breathe out, clinging on his neck with dear life.

“I’m loving you” 

we both confessed in the most broken yet full of emotion voice that we manage to produce, before outright crying like two kids who scrapped their knees.

And that’s when everything began to spin around in my mind, and seeing nothing apparently made it worse than anything. Anxiety shot through me and I could fear the grip on conscience, on hearing, on my senses lose it’s strength, and I felt myself falling into a limbo…

Falling and Falling and Falling, with no way to reach the ground.

Just an endless abyss of darkness and fright and no way to get out of here, just like being shackled inside a cage.

My mind went blank.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 8

@klassickb

chapter seventeen (”...serum..”)

There’s the sound of a machine beeping right behind my head. I’m waking up to the clean smell of a hospital again, but there’s something else here. Something different.

I roll my head over the surface of the pillow to find there’s a silvery metal table of scalpels and a hefty glass syringe right next to me; underneath that is a big smooth gray block. A computer, maybe? There are little lights along the side and it’s making a quiet hum. My head aches me, such that it feels like someone hit me in the back with a hatchet or at least something sharp.

I try to lift up my arm to massage my temples, but I can’t. Something’s holding me down.

I take a look down to find I’ve been strapped down to a hospital bed. Actually no, it’s an operating table, complete with those tough, heavy brown leather belts. Someone also took my clothes and my boots, and gave me a hospital gown instead.

What the hell?

I blink several times so my eyes adjust to the pale yellow light casting over me. And then I catch the sound of a door opening to my right. I roll my head over again to find old man Mike Morlente, the curmudgeon down the street from Brick’s house, and the creepy old white-haired guy striding into the room. Surely this is just a bad dream.

The old guy sneers at me as he stands to my right. The curmudgeon is down by my feet. Mike rounds my head to meet up with me on the left side of the bed.

“Well, well, well,” he says to me. I swallow--I don’t know how long I’ve been laying here, but apparently I’ve been laying here long enough to have a sore throat.

“I should’ve known it was you who’s been trying to uncover everything that’s been going on with my company and my daughter. I was wondering what happened to those placebos, too--that little bitch.”

“No, you don’t understand--” I start, feeling my heart hammer inside of my chest.

“I think I do!” he snaps at me. “You met Maya one day and got curious, didn’t you? That’s what Walter’s grandfather tried to do with me, but now he’s pushing up daisies. Just like you’ll be doing soon enough. Joseph Bellardini. Former lead singer of Anthrax. Don’t think I don’t know.”

“What’d you do with Brick?” I demand.

“Nothing. But he’s living on borrowed time. So is your old band.” I want to know where Lars, Chris, and Nancy are, that is if they are in fact nearby. I don’t even know where I am!

“We tried to warn you in the church,” says the old man.

“Warn me?” I lift my head to look at him. “Warn me of what?”

“Don’t dig too deep, young man--you’ll hit the aquifer and get taken down with it.”

That line from the first copy of After the Watershed, the exact one about digging too deep down and drowning. Maya coming to a church. Of course.

“I’m Reverend Victor Newberry,” the old man continues, setting his hands down on the table on either side of my feet. “Maya and her sister came to my congregation with Michael here. You can just say we put the fear of the Lord into them when they were younger.”

I gape at him. Suddenly it makes sense. Maya duped me in Seattle... but she was making a cry for help, though. She knew I’d come back because I’ve been trying to help her. She saw herself in me. She believed in me.

“You disgusting sack of shit,” I blurt out; something I don’t say often because it’s easy for me to forgive people.

“That’s right,” he whispers to me.

“Just like what we’re gonna do to you,” the curmudgeon adds with a sneer on his face. “I’d like to take all of this curly black hair and make wigs for all of my kids.”

“And then smash his poor little cock with an old Bible!” Reverend Newberry adds.

“Remember, a dusty old Bible means a dirty life,” old man Morlente points out as he’s putting on latex gloves. “But first, I’m gonna stick this syringe of cybernetic serum right into his vocal cords--”

He picks up the syringe closest to me, the one with neon blue fluid inside of the chamber. Neon blue that’s glowing underneath the pale yellow light like it’s radioactive. It’s not a placebo, but the real deal. The same shit injected into Maya and Brick and Anthrax. The same shit that’s killing them all very slowly and very painfully. Moreover, the end of the needle is massive, like one of those needles used in bone marrow transfusions. 

“--stick it right into his vocal cords and take that obnoxious voice of his.”

“You sure you wanna stick that big fat needle into his neck?” the curmudgeon stops him. “It’s pretty big.”

“I’ve performed delicate surgery on Maya and Candace so neither of them would wonder too far from home,” old man Morlente assures him. That explains the scar on Maya’s forehead! Yes!

“Yeah, but you’re using a huge needle, though. Shouldn’t you use something a little smaller?”

“Now why would I do that? This shit is going to kill him anyways. It’s pretty much our equivalent of the lethal injection.”

“The same reason why you put a controller chip inside of Maya’s brain? You didn’t want to keep track of her--you want to control her.”

“Wait, what?” I ask him.

“Yeah. You didn’t figure that one out?” the curmudgeon chuckles at me. Old man Morlente chews on his bottom lip at the curmudgeon. And then he turns to Reverend Newberry.

“Get him out of here,” he orders in a terse tone. I look over at the sight of that white haired scumbag guiding the curmudgeon out of the operating room. Old man Morlente then holds onto my chin and tilts my head back so he can see what he’s doing.

He doesn’t put iodine or anything on the skin. He’s just going to do it. He’s just going to put a needle right into me and inject the serum into me!

I snap my eyes shut. Oh God.

Death, here I come again. But for real this time.

There’s a loud thud! outside of the operating room. I feel the tip of the needle come within a hair’s width of my skin when old man Morlente loosens his grip on my chin.

“What the hell--?” he mutters. I open my eyes and look at the syringe in his hand. Still full of that fluid. He didn’t inject it.

But the door to the right swings open and Lars and Hiro burst into the room, holding a rubber mallet and a brick, and that burlap sack in that respective order. Lars is also wearing my checkerboard shirt over his actual shirt. He leaps over me and tackles old man Morlente down onto the floor, knocking the table over and all the while brandishing that mallet.

“Get Joey out of there! Quick!” he orders Hiro. He hangs next to me, rummaging through the sack.

“Thank you,” I tell him in a broken voice.

“Chris called me and Kim from one of the payphones in the City,” he explains, taking out one of the magnets. “And there was a wormhole opened up for us in Seattle so we boogied here as fast as we could.” He holds the slender black magnet over the buckles fastening the belts down on the table. There’s a little clank! next to me and the one holding me down at the chest comes undone. Low tech belts, high tech buckles.

He follows suit on the other belts holding down my wrist, my hips, my thighs, and my ankles; meanwhile, I hear Lars and old man Morlente struggling on the floor, probably swinging the mallet around in hopes to knock him out. I sit up in time to see old man Morlente on top with the tip of the needle pointed right at Lars’ neck.

I reach into the burlap sack at the end of the table for the rubber hose and come up behind old man Morlente with it. I put it around his neck and tighten it. He gasps, and throws the syringe on the floor, hard enough such that it shatters. Lars closes his eyes so nothing gets into his eyes. I linger close to old man Morlente’s ear as he’s struggling to breathe.

“Tell me what you did with Brick and Anthrax,” I whisper to him, loosening my grip. “Tell me what you did or I’ll give you a war like you won’t believe. Tell me.”

“They’re--” he gasps for air. “They’re en route to Seattle!”

“Are you being sincere?” I demand.

“Yes!”

“They’re going to bloody Seattle!” Lars shrieks, sitting upright. There’s whole manner of beeps and screeches from the tower next to us. Little glimmers of pure white electricity shoot out from the sides. Lars looks down at the shirt, my shirt that he’s wearing. The computer is going haywire from the checkerboard pattern.

“Yes! That’s it!” he declares. I let go of old man Morlente so he can stand to his feet and run out of there, probably to look for Reverend Newberry and the curmudgeon.

I don’t where I am, and I don’t know if Brick and Anthrax are even here right now. But I help Lars to his feet and we put the mallet and the hose back into the burlap sack. Even though I’m still wearing this hospital gown, one thing’s for certain and that’s I’m getting the hell out of here.

Fic - Like You Wanna Be Loved 3/16

Author: darriness

Word Count: 1740

Summary: Kurt’s going to talk to Blaine, except...

Author’s Note: As always thanks to @darrenismydarcy for betaing! See you on Wednesday!

AO3 Link

As the week goes on, Kurt finds himself more and more intrigued by one Blaine Anderson. He now has a total of nine things on his ‘Blaine’ list and the list grows every day. He’s discovered that Blaine loves musicals (not really a surprise), is allergic to animals (so much so that he couldn’t sit next to Mike, who has two cats, during Glee club one day without sneezing continuously), and loves Hanson (Kurt can forgive him some atrocities).

Blaine is beginning to feel like one of them, like he’s been around since the beginning, and not just a little over four days. He’s like a shiny new toy that the whole glee club is dying to get a chance to play with, and Blaine appears to love the attention...to a certain extent.

Kurt has heard on at least four different occasions, one of the glee members ask Blaine to join them for a social event outside of school or rehearsal but Blaine has declined every invitation. He always does it politely and with a smile, but he still declines and Kurt finds that a little strange.

“Maybe he’s just shy. Or super religious!” Mercedes offers over lunch in the cafeteria. Kurt hums as he nibbles on his carrot stick.

“He doesn’t strike me as uber religious.” He says.

“He wears a lot of bow ties.” She says like it proves her point.

Kurt chuckles, “Bow ties do not equal religion.” Mercedes shrugs with a smile as Kurt shakes head with a smile of his own before sighing, “I just...wish he’d hang out.” He says.

Mercedes shoots him a knowing smirk that Kurt pretends he doesn’t see, “He does hang out.” She points out.

Kurt shakes his head, “During school doesn’t count. Well it does but...you know what I mean!” He huffs, embarrassed.

Mercedes nods, “Have YOU tried asking him?” She asks, with a twinkle in her eye.

Kurt immediately feels defensive and he’s not entirely sure why, “That’s besides the point.” He says.

“You like him.” She says, bluntly.

Kurt can feel his cheeks pink, “I don’t KNOW him.” He says, trying to forget the list he’s been steadily adding to all week that would suggest otherwise - at least to a certain extent.

Mercedes leans her cheek on her upturned hand, “You can like him without knowing him.” She says, softly, “It’s okay if you like him, you know.” Kurt fidgets with his lunch and doesn’t look up, “You deserve to like someone who could actually like you back.”

Kurt blinks at the table and thinks about all his past crushes. Straight, every one of them, and few things hurt more than discovering you have feelings for someone who could never reciprocate, “We’re not even sure he’s gay.” He whispers.

“Bow ties.” Is all Mercedes says but it’s enough to make Kurt laugh. It’s as if the fact that Blaine wears bow ties is a catch all explanation for everything about him. Mercedes winks at him with a smile before nudging him lightly, “Seriously, Kurt. Ask him out. It doesn’t even have to be a date. We can all go, I don’t know, bowling or something.”

“Nothing sexier than bowling.” He mumbles and Mercedes shrugs again with a smile. He sighs, “I’ll think about it.” He says and Mercedes nods, pushing up from her leaning posture and grabbing one of his carrot sticks.

“Have you figured out what you’re going to sing for glee tomorrow?” She asks and he’s so grateful for the subject change.

-- -- --

Blaine likes McKinley. Well, he likes it well enough. It’s not Dalton, but it’s pleasant enough so far. He’s almost a week in and he hasn’t really been noticed much, and he’s more than okay with that. The classes are easy, the building is clean, and the teachers are nice. It’s really all he could have hoped for.

And then there is Kurt. Blaine sighs as he makes his way down the hall to his next class. Kurt, who dresses better than anyone Blaine knows, is sassier than any one person should be able to be without being a complete bitch, and is, without a doubt, the most fascinating and beautiful person Blaine has ever met...and it’s only been four days.

This was supposed to be a simple move. This move was supposed to alleviate the stress, or at least some of the stress, in Blaine’s life. And four days in he feels so conflicted it’s keeping him up at night.

He suddenly catches sight of Kurt at the end of the hall, laughing with Mercedes as they make their way from the cafeteria, and his heart lurches. He grasps the strap of his bag tighter and sucks in a breath. He’s had crushes before, sure, but no other has drawn him in so completely without a single conversation.

They’ve exchanged words of course, and Blaine has filed away every piece of information about Kurt he’s been able to glean from watching him, but he can’t seem to make himself actually talk to the other boy. Because talking might actually lead Blaine to spewing his thoughts and feelings. And beyond the embarrassment of the actual act, Kurt might actually return said feelings and then where would that leave Blaine? He would be equal parts terrified that Kurt would reject him, and that he would actually feel the same way.

What he wouldn’t give to allow himself to have this. A regular teenage romance. Or potential heartbreak. But still, something regular. NORMAL. Something uncomplicated beyond the over exaggerated feelings of a seventeen-year-old.

His phone rings in his pocket and he pulls it out as he watches Kurt and Mercedes make their way out of his line of sight. He looks down at the screen of his phone and sighs once again as he answers. Oh right, that’s why he can’t have a normal teenager experience.

-- -- --

Kurt spends the rest of the day debating whether or not to ask Blaine out (not on a date, he keeps reminding himself). He doesn’t have any afternoon classes with the other boy, they actually only see each other during homeroom unless the glee club eats lunch together as a big group. But today is not that day as evidenced by it only being him and Mercedes. So far Blaine has only eaten with them once, but they do have glee today and Kurt has decided, as he makes his way into the choir room, that he’s going to do it. He’s going to ask Blaine out on a non-date.

Except Blaine’s not in rehearsal. Kurt purses his lips thoughtfully as they move through the rehearsal. Maybe he’s just late again. He knows he’d seen Blaine in homeroom so it’s not like the other boy wasn’t at school today. But as rehearsal goes on, it becomes clear that Blaine isn’t coming.

He tries to ask Mr. Schue casually why at the end of class, but the teacher just shrugs and says Blaine couldn’t make it. Kurt sighs as he leaves, feeling jittery after having psyched himself up, but figures he’ll just ask Blaine tomorrow.

...Except Blaine’s not in homeroom the next day either. Kurt sits on one of the stools in the science lab and looks around after Mr. Pembridge has taken attendance and the other kids settle in to catch up on reading or other homework. No one else finds it strange that Blaine isn’t here.

“I wonder where Blaine is.” He whispers to Rachel next to him who is scrolling through her phone and not at all looking at the math homework in front of her.

Rachel looks up and pouts, “Maybe he’s sick.” She muses before going back to her phone.

She’s probably right, Kurt figures, and tries to focus on A Prayer For Owen Meany.

-- -- --

“So how was the first week?” Burt asks that night at dinner, resting his hands wide on the table and looking back and forth between Kurt and Finn.

Kurt shrugs and looks across the table at Finn who shrugs in return, “It was good.” Finn says. Kurt just nods.

Burt looks back and forth between the two teenagers before turning to Carole with a raised eyebrow, “Okay, I know your’s isn’t always willing to share a lot but mine never shuts up…”

“Hey!” Kurt exclaims, indignantly, as Carole giggles fondly.

Burt chuckles and spreads his arms out to the side, “Well you don’t!” He defends, making Kurt purse his lips and shrugs again, “So what’s up?” He asks.

Kurt is still silent but finally he sighs, “It was good. Like Finn said.”

Burt narrows his eyes at his son, “Kurt met a guy.” Finn pipes up, causing Burt to look over at the taller boy quickly with raised eyebrows, and then back to Kurt.

“Finn!” Kurt shouts, “How are you obtuse about literally everything but this?”

Finn looks frightened, “I didn’t think it was a secret! We all talk about it.”

Kurt huffs and rolls his eyes. Of course they do. The room is silent for a moment before Burt lets out a puff of air, “So are you going to explain or am I gonna have to guess?” He asks.

Kurt crosses his arms tightly against his chest, “I didn’t meet a guy. Not in the way Finn is implying.” Kurt says with a glare at the other boy who shrugs with a hurt puppy look, “There’s a new boy in our grade. He joined glee. That’s all.”

Burt silently watches his son for a few seconds, “He gay?” He asks.

Kurt crosses his arms tighter, “I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter either way.”

“I didn’t say it did.” Burt says, putting his hands up in a placating gesture.

“Is he nice?” Carole asks.

Kurt nods but doesn’t share any more information.

Carole smiles, “Well that’s nice. Your dad is just curious and…”

“Protective.” Burt finishes for her and Kurt purses his lips again but can’t help but give a small smile.

He knows he’s being needlessly defensive about Blaine, he’s actually a little shocked by his reaction, but he can’t seem to help it. He resolves to get over himself and just talk to the other boy on Monday. Just talk. How hard can that be?

Kurt sighs as he goes back to moving his food around his plate. Who is he kidding? It’ll be a Herculean effort if there ever was one.

Author’s Note 2: I promise Kurt and Blaine actually talk next chapter!

Xenoforce III Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Xenoblade’s Finest Hour (Disclaimer! I own nothing of Xenoblade Chronicles!) I was taking a shower. Later I laid on my bed after having a long day. There was a knock on the door. “Michael, its me, Vivian,” said Vivian, “Please open up.” I opened the door. She embraced me with a hug. “Are you ok?” Asked Vivian. “I am now,” I said. I saw Lin and Russell with her. “I think I owe you an apology for earlier,” he said. “For what?” I asked, “You didn’t do anything.” “No actually I did,” he said, “I tried to keep you and Vivian apart, and I was too blind to see the compassion that you had within you.” “What?” I asked. “You saved my life,” said Russell. “Oh yeah, that was nothing,” I said, “But honestly I’m really sorry you had to see that side of me.” “Its ok Mike,” said Vivian, “You didn’t do anything, but I forgive you anyway.” “I don’t think I really deserve your forgiveness V,” I said. “Well you have her forgiveness, whether you think you deserve it or not,” said Russell, “And you have my gratitude for saving my bacon, whether I think you deserve it or not, which you do.” He looked down. “I think its time I told you why I’ve hated black people for all these years,” said Russell. “Vivian already told me about it,” I said, “And I’m so sorry about…” “That’s the story I told Vivian, but its time you both knew the truth,” said Russell. “What?” asked Vivian and I in unison. “Jinx,” I said. “The truth is… my first love was never killed by a black woman,” said Russell, “My first love left me for a black man.” Both of us were surprised. “I dated her for all those years and was about to propose to her, but she was seeing this new guy and he swept her off her feet,” said Russell, “I’ve been stingy about black people ever since.” “Oh man,” I said, “I’m so sorry to hear that.” “I also owe you an apology Vivian,” said Russell. “What do you mean?” asked Vivian. “The reason I tried to keep you from doing music is because…… I feel like I made a mistake,” said Russell, “With Zachary, and I didn’t want to be reminded of it.” “What are you talking about?” asked Vivian. “I didn’t lose Zachary to the band…. I lost him at home,” said Russell, “I let him think that the family business meant more to me than supporting him, and unknowingly pushed him away.” He looked out to the city. “I hurt him and I didn’t even realize it,” he said, “I don’t know what to do.” I put my arm on him. “You start by doing the hardest thing,” I said, “You forgive yourself.” “If I could see Zachary one last time, I would tell him that I love him no matter what,” said Russell, “And that….. I’m sorry.” “Apology accepted,” said a voice. We all turned around to see my friends, Vivian’s parents, and her older brother, Zachary. “ZACH!” said Vivian. She ran up to him and gave him a hug. He got a look at me. “And this must be Michael,” he said. Russell turned to Hank. “Listen I….” said Russell. “No its ok,” said Hank, “We both kinda acted like idiots and I’m sorry.” “Its ok son,” said Russell, “You were right though. I was wrong to assign us labels.” “Well, its about time you realized that its impossible to describe someone with a simple label.” “So how was the performance?” asked Zachary. “I didn’t really get to perform,” said Vivian, “Thanks to Edmund.” “Actually…… I kinda figured that Edmund would figure out that it was you who helped me expose him,” I said, “So Lin and I decided to get one step ahead of him.” “I took a copy of the CD you gave me and made more copies, then made the CD jacket look a tad bit like your diary, and swapped the copies of your Diary with the CD,” said Lin. “You what?” asked Vivian. “I told you I was gonna help you become amazing,” I said, “Edmund doesn’t know that he just helped you get one step closer to your dream, and now the pub wants you back.” “I gotta hand it to you V, this boys a genius,” said Talia. “I mean think about it; You got Edmund, Edmund thinks he got his revenge, and that’s it,” said Denise, “Bada-Bing. You’ve even.” “He may have gotten off easy, but at least he won’t win any popularity contests soon,” I said.

Johnny was as happy as could be. He finally paid off the money needed for the surgery. He was deciding what to do with the rest of the money. Edmund approached him. “Hold on a sec buddy,” said Johnny, “I’m thinking about something.” “I can guess what’s on your mind; what are you gonna do about that damn Xenoblade,” said Edmund. “Actually I’m thinking about what I should do with the rest of this money,” said Johnny. “Well I think I have something that’ll get your head out of that thought for a while,” said Edmund, “You’re…. gonna help me kill Xenoblade.” “Kill?” asked Johnny, “I never said anything about killing, and he already helped me with my situation, so count me out.” “I wasn’t offering you a choice pal,” said Edmund, “Allow me to introduce you to ‘our’ other half. We call ourselves…..” The black suit formed his new costume. “Leech!” he said. Johnny was prepared to fight him. “Let’s try to watch our temper here,” he said, “There’s girls present!” He knocked a tree down revealing Lola tied up in a web. He somehow leeched off of her abilities. “Lola!” said Johnny. “Johnny just do what he says,” said Lola, “He said he’d let us both go if you did.” “Aww true love,” said Leech, “Just like in the movies.” “What do you want from me freak?” Asked Johnny. “Its not what we want,” said Edmund, “Its what Xord wants. And he wants your help in building a stronger mech.” Knowing that he had no choice, Johnny subsumed. “Now, let’s talk about how we’re going to destroy… Xenoblade,” said Leech. Anela was on her way back to the lab to work on a project. She just got back from doing a play, The Library. “Now to do some finishing touches to my invention,” said Anela, “The early bird gets the worm.” She went into a taxi cab and saw Edmund. “So where to?” he asked. “What do you want Edmund?” asked Anela. “You see, I have this rodent problem, and I think you’re the only one who can help with it,” said Edmund, “I was trying to find out….. how to get rid of Xenoblade, and it just hit me; What better way to lure him than with his best friend.” He tied Anela to the back seat and covered her mouth. I was watching TV and then Micah came running in. “Michael you gotta see this!” she said. She turned it to the news. “Los Angeles is holding its breath as the hostage crisis continued to unfold,” said the announcer. We were looking at a giant black web in the middle of two giant buildings. “A young woman was held hostage suspended 30 stories above ground in a web,” said someone at the site. “Every attempt by the police to rescue th hostage has been thwarted by Xord,” said the announcer. Xord escaped and had a new powerful mech suit. “Joining him is a strange black suited figure earlier believed to be the black suited Xenoblade, but was now identified as something entirely different.” Leech was attacking officers. I saw that the hostage was Anela. I went back to get my suit. “You’re not going out there by yourself are you?” asked Denise. “I have to,” I said, “I created this, now I gotta stop it.” “Well then what are we waiting for?” asked Ratchet. “Guys I can’t let you get hurt for my sake,” I said. “I don’t believe you have a choice,” said Micah, “If you think we’re letting you take on that guy by yourself, you’re wrong.” “I’m going with you too,” said Vivian. “V….” I said. “You can count me in too,” said Samus in her new Varia suit. “Samus….” I said. I realized they were right. We suited up and headed to the twin building location. Dozens of people saw us and clapped their hands. “The Xenoforce has returned and answered the prayers of Los Angeles!” said the news lady. I looked for the car Anela was in and jumped on it. “Anela, I’m here to save you,” I said. She saw me. “Michael,” said Anela, “They’re gonna kill us both.” “Not if I can help it,” I said, “I’m gonna get you outta here.” Anela saw Leech heading towards me. “Watch out!” said Anela. He tried to attack me and I dodged. Part of the car was damaged. He revealed his true face. “Hey Xenoblade,” said Edmund. “Edmund… you bonded with the suit?” I asked. “Oooh we’ve got a vision coming up,” said Edmund as he snatched up Anela, “If you know what we’re talking about.” I jumped at him and he punched me. I fell on the web and balanced myself. He jumped down to where I was. “You knew this was coming buddy,” said Edmund. He tried attacking me and I dodged him. Aside from having Arachind Girl’s moves, he had some of my abilities as well. “We can settle this like men,” I said. “You have a point,” said Edmund, “We’re thinking about….. humiliation…. Kinda like how Michael humiliated us.” “What?” I asked. “You mean he never told you what he did to us, what you did to us?” he asked. Johnny was watching everything unfold. “I gotta help them,” he said. He rushed and got his suit out. “You made a mess of our life, now we’re gonna make a mess of yours,” Edmund menacingly said, “How does that sound?” Anela got a brick and threw it at him. I knocked him down and we were fighting each other. He managed to get free and I flew up and followed him. Johnny was heading up to find me while putting on his costume but someone knocked him out. It was Xord. “He gave you a choice boy, but you chose wrong,” he said. “Look I’m in a rush so I’m gonna make this quick,” said Johnny. He punched Xord but hurt his hand. He dropped his gauntlets. “I’ll be taking those,” said Xord as he put one of them on. Johnny saw another one and tried to grab it. “No you don’t!” said Xord. He pushed a car near him and he fell down. “I wasn’t so sure about this idea, but… damn!” he said. He kept beating up Johnny. Meanwhile I was still dealing with Leech. “Look Edmund its me you want,” I said, “Just let me get Anela to safety and we’ll deal with this afterwards!” “And what, let you walk away, after what you put us through?” asked Edmund as he was breaking through walls, “We don’t think so!” I got out my monado and Edmund got out some kind of strange red blade. “Look Edmund, you’ve gotta…” I said before being interrupted by almost being cut to pieces. “Stop calling us that!” said Edmund, “We’re Leech now!” Johnny tried to stand up but was to weak. “Why are you working with him?” asked Johnny. “I guess you’ll never find out,” said Xord. He was about to finish him but a web caught the gauntlet. It was Lola in her Arachnid Girl suit. She grabbed the gauntlets and gave them back to Johnny, then she webbed Xord to the truck. “You ok?” asked Lola. “Yeah,” said Johnny. “Then let’s go help our friend,” she said. She swung up to the building. “Johnny?” asked someone. It was his mom. “You need to get somewhere safe,” said Johnny, “I’m sure Johnny is fine ma’am.” “I’m not going anywhere without my son,” said Johnny’s mom. “I’m sure he’s safe,” he said. “Don’t patronize me, I lost my father, I won’t lose my son!” she said. “You knew?” he asked. “We have to leave,” said Johnny’s mom, “Someone else can risk their life on this, but not you. Not this time.” “I know somebody else can, but no one else will,” said Johnny, “If you know who I am, you know that I have to do this.” He went off to help us. I was still dealing with Leech. I was able to hold my own, but anything I could do he could do better. “I can do this all day Edmund,” I said. “We’re sure you could,” said Edmund as he pulled out his blade again, “But unfortunately we’re on a tight schedule and must bid you adieu.” He was about to attack but then a grenade was launched. It exploded releasing web. Leech broke free but then Denise sped in and attacked him. Vivian and Lin and the rest of the gang joined in. “Looks like you’re outmatched,” said Denise. “That may be true,” said Edmund, “But how will you fair when the stakes are raised?” The ground started to rumble. Xord was now in a giant mech the size of a building. Samus called her battleship and jumped in. “Now I will crush you all like roaches!” said Xord. He started fighting us and we all evaded. Xord started firing at us. Bryan caught a missile and crushed it. He didn’t get a scratch on him thanks to the armor. While they were busy I went up to save Anela. Leech was about to stop me. “OH no you don’t!” said Maddi. She shot a paintball made of ice. Lin then used her diffusion gloves to freeze him in place. I broke the car door open and got Anela down safely. “You ok?” I asked. “Yeah,” she said. “Good to know,” I said. “Hey Michael!” said EJ, “Am I interrupting?!” EJ carried Lola on one of her webs as she swung around fighting Xord. I jumped on the back of Xord and tried to find a weakness. “The guy’s strong but he ain’t so bright,” I said, “Now if I could just find a weakspot….” Edmund saw me. “Xord!” he said, “Xenoblade’s trying to stop you!” “God you are so annoying!” I said. He knocked me down. “This thing got anymore?” Lola asked. “Hang on!” said EJ. “To what?!” asked Lola. He swung her around and she landed on the back. “Every mech has a weakness,” said Lola. She used her eyes to scan for one. “Found it!” she said. She punched it hard and found a bunch of wires. The weapon defenses were shut down. “Samus now!” said Lola. Samus started firing at the mech. After a few blows it was shut down and started to crumble. EJ was looking for Leech. Behind him 2 eyes were glaring. We all met at the top of the building. “EJ, where are you?” I asked, “We still got one more to fight.” We heard laughing. Denise saw somebody with wings. “Ej if this is a joke, then its not funny,” said Ratchet. We saw EJ drop to the floor. Leech copied his flight abilities. “EJ!” I said as I ran to him. “You actually know this comic book geek?” asked Edmund. He looked at him then back at me. Then he looked at Anela and back at me. He realized something. “Michael…..” he said, “When I saw Xenoblade destroy my last resort….. I saw YOU destroy my last resort.” “Edmund…. Why did you do it?” I asked. “You left me no choice,” said Edmund. “Edmund, that suits trying to destroy your mind,” I said, “Its trying to take you as its own.” “Look at me, I’m a new man,” said Edmund, “As for you…. You don’t give this city hope, you take it away.” “No,” I said. “Now I’m gonna take away yours,” said Edmund. He flew at Anela and grabbed her. “Edmund!” I said, “Edmund put her down!” I chased him to the top and tried to stop him, but he was too quick. “Edmund stop this right now!” I said, “This isn’t you, put her down!” “Edmund….” Said Anela. “EDMUND’S DEAD!” he snarled. “Edmund this is between you and me!” I said, “Just drop her and we’ll talk! You wanna fight? Fight me!!” “Poor choice of words,” said Edmund. He literally dropped her. Denise jumped up and caught her. Edmund then flew at me and pinned me. Using the wings he managed to cut my mask and wound me. Everyone watched in horror as Edmund continued to pummel me. “Look at everyone’s favorite hero now!” said Edmund, “You stupid pathetic waste!” He gave me a scar on my face. “You’ve been #1 for too long Morrison, now your time is up!” he said, “And don’t worry, I’ll take good care of your friends!” Samus shot him in the back and came flying at him with a jet pack. She then used her Noise Beam on him and it made him weak. I remembered the black suit’s weakness. “I got it!” I said, “Johnny, you still got those gauntlets?” “Yeah,” said Johnny. “We’re gonna need them,” I said, “V, give me some cover!” “Got it,” said Vivian. She threw a smoke ball and made everything dark. The others moved in and started to pin him down. Lola webbed his hands to the floor. “NOW!” I said. Johnny used the stun mode and made Edmund weaker. He kept doing it and the suit slowly started to come off of him. Lola pulled him out using the webs. Micah made an ice slide for everyone to get down. I stayed to face the black suit that has now taken a physical form. “Get outta here Michael,” said Johnny, “I’ll handle this.” “No way,” I said, “We fight together.” “We don’t have time for this,” said Johnny, “Now go!” The black suit was about to lunge. “I’m not gonna leave you!” I said. “I said GO!” said Johnny. He pushed me on the slide and I slid down. He then faced the substance. “Eat this motherfucker,” he said. He slammed his staff on the ground causing the entire building to collapse. “NO!!” said Lola. The building fell down, and Johnny was running to the top and made it. The substance was destroyed in the debris. When the dust settled we spread out searching for him. “Johnny!” I said, “Where are you?!” We saw his staff, but we couldn’t find him. “No….” I said. “Johnny, you JERK!” said Lola with tears in her eyes, “You can’t leave me like this.” He was right behind us. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said. Lola ran up to him and hugged him. Edmund was lying on the floor. “Just finish me off,” said Edmund, “I don’t wanna live the rest of my life like this.” “That’s not the answer Edmund, that’s just the easy way out!” I said, “You think you’re the only one dealing with hard times?” “What?” asked Edmund. “There’s people all over the world dealing with similar problems, but the only difference is thye don’t have your money or anything else that you have!” I said, “Even if you can’t help yourself, you can still use what you have as a benefit for others.” Edmund was listening. “You have amazing talents, and now you have a responsibility to use them as a benefit to humanity,” I said, “The greatest man I ever knew taught me that.” “Michael….” Said Edmund before he laid down. Johnny’s parents showed up. “Son, I have one thing to say to you,” he said. “Oh boy,” said Johnny. “I have never been more proud of you,” he said. “We both are,” said his mom, “You said you were gonna make up for what you did and boy did you make up.” “I guess you don’t want me doing this stuff anymore?” asked Johnny. “That’s for you to decide,” said his dad, “For us to try and stop you just wouldn’t be right.” Johnny smiled and hugged them both. Vivian and Lin’s parents arrived. “Lin are you alright?” Talia asked, “We saw everything.” “I’m fine,” said Lin, “Thanks to Xenoblade.” “Well actually it was Lin who saved my life,” I said, “Guess that’s two I owe her.” I pulled out a little badge. “In fact, I think you’ve earned a spot as a junior member of the Xenoforce,” I said. She took it and placed it on her costume. “Lin I’m just so proud of you,” said Talia. “We both are,” said Hank. “Well Dad… I mean Hank,” said Lin, “If it wasn’t for you two believing in me, this wouldn’t have happened so thank you both.” Somebody was watching us. “Should I approach Captain?” he asked. “No, leave him be,” said his boss. Later at school, Vivian was cutting the ribbon for the new and improved Light Music Club. Everyone cheered. I scooped Vivian down and kissed her. “Thank you so much for this Michael,” said Vivian. “Who would’ve thought that Vivian and Michael would do this for us?” asked a club member. “Michael might actually make a good principal someday,” said Principal Gibson. “Y’know, you’ve always been like a father figure to Michael,” said Anela, “I’m sure he appreciates your support.” It was the night of the dance. Each of us were rocking it out in tuxedos. Vivian had a pink and purple dress that I bought her with some money. Ratchet came in the door with Denise holding hands. “It actually happened…. He’s dating that loser,” said a student, “Ratchet Lombax and Denise Richardson are dating?!” Everybody cheered. Everybody was having a good time. Denise and Ratchet were dancing with each other. Denise was no doubt impressed with the hard work Ratchet put in to the dancing. “Wow, you really are good at dancing,” said Denise. “Thanks,” said Ratchet, “Cara Lynn helped me a bit.” Denise chuckled. “You know, I forgot to give you something when you asked me to the dance,” she said. “What’s that?” asked Ratchet as he was blushing. “This,” said Denise as she smiled. She kissed him on the lips. I was outside looking up at the sky. “Thanks again for your help dad,” I said, “It really helped me.” (To the 4th wall) I became a famous hero, experienced the dangers of an alien substance, and did a lot of terrible things, but in the end, I’m still the man Dad wanted me to be. Vivian came out. “The party’s inside buddy,” said Vivian, “What’s up?” “Just thinking about what Dad would think of me if he saw me,” I said. “Well, he’d probably be proud of the man you are,” said Vivian, “I know I am.” I smiled. “Thanks V,” I said. She took my hand and we went back inside. Another happy ending. Well, till next time, this is your friendly neighborhood Xenoblade with this message; If you get lost in the shadows, there’s a fire inside you, and you know that I’ll find you. Torches by X Ambassadors Bring on your forces of nature Bring on the storm that's raging And if you get lost in the shadows There's a fire inside you Be the light that guides you Come on, carry your flame Carry it higher Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches Come on, carry your flame Set the night on fire Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches Bring on your bows and arrows Bring on your plagues and pharaohs Cause if you get lost in the shadows There's a fire inside you And you know that I'll find you Come on, carry your flame Carry it higher Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches Come on, carry your flame Set the night on fire Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches Torches Torches Torches Torches Ooh Come on, carry your flame Carry it higher Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches Come on, carry your flame (torches) Set the night on fire (torches) Leave it in the darkness (torches) Carry your torches (torches) Carry your torches (torches) (Torches) Carry your torches (torches) Torches, ooh Torches Torches Torches, torches, ooh Edmund was in jail walking to his cell. An olf friend saw him. It was Dargan. “Edmund pierce?” he asked, “I can’t believe my eyes.” “How are you?” asked Edmund. He noticed he had some mechanics on his left arm. “Now before you say anything, I want you to know, this is not on you,” said Dargan, “Its on our friend…. Xenoblade.” “Good to know,” said Edmund. “Listen, I got a couple of friends who’d really like to meet the little bastard, take his picture, get his autograph, and cut him to pieces,” said Dargan, “I also heard this interesting rumour that…… you know who he is.” Edmund was about to tell, but remembered what I said to him and that I saved his life. “If I knew he was, he’d already be dead,” said Edmund. “Just play it cool for now,” said Dargan as he walked away. “Edmund, your butler’s here,” said a security guard. As he walked over, a little bit of the black suit slithered down his back. Yesterday by Imagine Dragons Here's to my future Here's to my yesterday Here's to change Oh, here's to my yesterday No tomorrow without a yesterday Here's to my future Goodbye to yesterday All these years I've been searching For who I'm supposed to be All this time I've been wasting 'Cause I was right in front of me Oh, it's a crooked old tradition By a masterful magician But in all this trouble I've met I haven't got one single regret, no Here's to my future Here's to my yesterday Here's to change Oh, here's to my yesterday No tomorrow without a yesterday Here's to my future Goodbye to yesterday Yesterday Oh, I'm a hopeless crash collision 'Cause I'm a hostage to my pride And by my own volition I've been a saint, I've been the truth, I've been the lie Oh, it's a crooked old tradition By a masterful magician But in all this trouble I've met I haven't got one single regret, no Here's to my future Here's to my yesterday Here's to change Oh, here's to my yesterday No tomorrow without a yesterday Here's to my future Goodbye to yesterday Yesterday A new day you can go, you can do Anything you wanna It's your play, swing low, go high Anywhere you wanna You can reach for the moon Anywhere your dreams could take you Go astray, fade away Just leave it to yesterday Here's to my future Here's to my yesterday Here's to change Oh, here's to my yesterday No tomorrow without a yesterday Here's to my future Goodbye to yesterday Yesterday ‘Hi, I’m Nicholas Shay. I’m filling in for Captain Falcon since she’s on a mission, but I’m here to talk to you about the most important trait a soldier or student could have; Patience. Sometimes patience is the key to victory, sometimes it leads to very little and it seems like its not worth it. And you wonder….. why you waited so long for something so disappointing. ……..How many more of these?’ (In case you're wondering, yes this is a troll of a post ending scene) XENOBLADE WILL RETURN…….

Endless Summer Book 4 : Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter 5)

Description: Fun and games in Elyys’tel, but Alodia is starting to get worried as the Catalyst Reunion nears its end. 

Tagging: @xo-endlessmayhem-xo , @princesstopgun 

Chapter Five : The Pebble in the Pond

Estela

I probably should have known better than to get cocky. As the silence stretches on between us, her mouth twists sulkily. “Come on, Estela, I really didn't want you to look at me like that...”

“Sorry. It's just...my mother is...”

“Dead. I know. But so was Mike when I gave myself back to Vaanu. And he turned up alive. I think I felt guilty leaving Jake less than an hour after he watched Mike die again, and I begged Vaanu for that one favor. But...I can't imagine that I wouldn't have...no...I'm sure I did at least ask if you could have your mother back, too...”

She's speaking so quickly that her words barely have time to register before I'm focusing on her next sentence. But then she abruptly trails off, and my brain has a chance to catch up.

“...It's...been five years,” I say slowly. “If somehow my mother was restored, I can't imagine that she wouldn't have come back to San Trobida sooner than this...”

Alodia's shoulders sag. She looks disappointed. More disappointed than I feel. Perhaps I should be more crushed, but the truth is that it has been eleven years now since my mother's death, and such a fleeting, barely believable glimmer of hope is too little to excite me. It doesn't even feel disloyal to admit it.

“...I'm sorry, Estela. I just hoped...”

“It's all right. It's not your fault.”

“That whole moment is just...such a blur...”

“Why not come back inside?”

“...No...I think I need some fresh air. You go on, though. I'm just going to wander a bit.”

Quinn

No one can help being curious and worried when Estela returns to the audience hall alone, but she quickly assures us that nothing is wrong.

“She...was wondering if it was possible my mother had been restored along with Mike. I think she's a little disappointed that she wasn't.”

“I...should I go after her?” Jake asks uncertainly. “I...don't want to crowd her...but...”

“Let her have a few minutes to herself,” I reply. “She's in Elyys'tel. No one here is going to let any harm come to her.”

He shoves his hands into his pockets, pouting a little. “I know...It's just...”

Sean puts a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, we all get it, man. But you said yourself you don't want to crowd her.”

“She must be feeling so crazy disoriented right now,” Diego sighs. “A little solitude might do her a world of good.”

“Why don't we all go down to the beach?” Varyyn suggests. “Taari has been eager to play with you.”

As we make our way down to the beach, we spot Alodia on one of the far platforms, stretched out on her back with her hands laced behind her bed, staring up into the magnificent canopy above her.

On the beach, Taari immediately claims Estela and Zahra to team up with him for quuk'tanoi. Varyyn, Seraxa, and Diego volunteer to oppose them.

“You gonna earn your mask today, buddy?” Diego asks, grinning.

“I'm gonna try!” Taari replies.

“Do not imagine we will go easy on you,” Varyyn warns. Taari scoffs.

“You never do anyway. Even if I wanted you to, you wouldn't.”

“That's right.”

The six of them gather their sailboards and splash into the ocean. The others drift off towards various games and activities set up on the beach. It's like the Valinorim all over again. Except that this time, it's in honor of the Catalysts. I amuse myself with the children, playing a game that involves seashells and coconuts until I spot Alodia hovering near the treeline like a seventh grader at a dance working up the nerve to ask her crush onto floor. I smile, wandering over to her.

“Thinking of joining us? You're welcome to, of course.”

She smiles a little. “...The last time I played Vaanti games was at the Valinorim.”

I chuckle. “I was just thinking of that myself.”

“...I was more remembering what had happened before that.”

I feel my smile slip. “You mean when you saved my life with the Island's Heart.”

She nods. “...Do you remember much of what happened on that bridge?”

“Not...too much. I...I was fading. It was hard to focus on anything. I don't even think I really realized what was happening to me.”

“I knew exactly what was happening. I had seen it before, when we both touched your idol on Sharktooth Isle. That's why I started crying then. Because I had just watched you die in my arms on a bridge in Elyys'tel. I didn't realize then how soon it was going to happen. When it started to happen in front of me...I begged you not to go. I was furious and terrified that this was happening when I hadn't had a chance to stop it yet. And if I couldn't save you...”

“You did, though. You saved all of us. Everything.” She reaches out a hand to me, and I take it, squeezing.

“I never really had the chance to explain about those idols, did I.”

“Well, you told us that you were watching us die, and I think we all guessed those were visions of previous timelines, but...we never got details, no.”

“It wasn't just your deaths that I saw. I saw visions from your pasts, too. It's how I knew that Michelle never actually cheated on Sean...” She trails off, frowning. “...Wait...did they ever tell you guys about that? Did I just blab someone's embarrassing secret?”

“No, don't worry. Michelle told me. But I don't know how many of the others know.”

“...Right...well...I saw visions from your pasts. From before the island. Everyone's except Diego's. ...I don't know why I never questioned that...”

“Wait, but...you had an idol, too. Did...you see your own past?”

“...I saw myself talking to Diego, encouraging him to go to the party he'd been talking about all week. ...I suppose if that actually happened, he was talking to himself...”

“Did...you see your own death?”

“No. Worse. Just before you collapsed on the bridge, I saw myself alone, digging eleven graves.”

As the gravity of her words settles in, I shudder. “I guess that must have made you pretty desperate.”

“I would have been desperate either way. But yes. That vision made everything that much larger.”

“You know...I never actually knew you were the Endless, or the missing piece of the Island's Heart...but from the time I was cured, I was able to sense that you were...different somehow. That you were connected to the same spirit that was riding inside me. There was an energy in you that matched the one in me, but it seemed like it was...locked behind something.”

“In retrospect, that makes perfect sense. ...Why didn't you tell me?”

“Probably for the same reason you never told us about the visions from the idols. A combination of fear and a desire not to face a bunch of questions I didn't have answers to.”

“Fair enough.” She is quiet for a long moment. “Do you...feel anything of Vaanu now?”

“...Not that I can tell, no. I figure it took itself out of me when it left.”

“But presumably Silas Prescott's crystal had enough energy to bring me back.” She sighs. “I wish I could remember more about Vaanu's home planet...about what the crystals actually were. The crystals weren't Vaanu itself. They weren't actually part of its body or its spirit. That was the Island's Heart...and...the crystal pillar...” She hisses suddenly, grimacing, bringing a hand up to clutch her head.

“Are you okay?”

“I'm getting the feeling I'm going to get tired of that question,” she replies wryly. In spite of myself, I chuckle.

“I know the feeling.”

She lifts her head to smile at me. For a long moment, she is quiet, just looking at me. I look back, willing myself to be patient, to wait until she feels that she can say what's on her mind. I refuse to push her.

“...Do you remember after you were cured, when you told me about feeling a kind of...grief?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you ever feel...overwhelmed? By the thought of living a full life? Finishing school, finding a job, possibly getting married and having a family? Growing old?”  

“Of course. ...Is...that what you're feeling now?”

“Yeah. Of course. I mean, I didn't live with the idea that it wouldn't happen as long as you did. When things got hard, I would imagine my future. But...in retrospect, the future I imagined was all about you guys. Everything Vaanu showed us. You founding a non-profit, Diego writing a book, Jake clearing his name, Sean becoming a football star...all I really imagined for myself was living with Jake, and maybe having his kids...”

“Do you not want that anymore?”

“Oh, I still want it, don't you worry about that. At least, I still want him. And his kids if he wants any. I like the idea of having kids, but I don't need them if he doesn't. Either way, though...that might be something for further down the line. But my point is that because I was born for all of you...I never truly thought about a future for myself outside of you. And then that became moot. But now...”

“Now there's a world of possibility in front of you.”

“Yeah. And I don't really know where to start.”

I feel a kind of relief flooding through me at that. I expect she and the others may have felt something similar when I started to talk about the future as something I needed to prepare for.

“What was your major at Hartfeld?”

“History, I think. With a minor in dance.”

“Oh, that's right. You were a dancer, weren't you? I think I remember that...”

“Yup. And a gymnast. I was pretty good at it, too. But I didn't have nearly the dedication to make an Olympic career out of it or anything.”

“Do you know what you wanted to do with your history degree?”

“...Walk through the world and get to know the people who walked that ground thousands of years before me...”

I feel a chill creep over my shoulders. There's something terribly beautiful and haunting in the sentiment.

“Well...I'm sure you can take a little time to figure it out. As far as the world is concerned you've been lost for five years. I'm sure everyone will forgive you if you don't dive right into the business of paying bills and taxes.”

“You're probably right. ...But it's still scary to think about.”

“Of course it is. But that's why it's okay not to rush into it.”

She frowns a little. “...Hey...why is Murphy still around?”

“...I...think you would know better than I would.”

“T'kal is still here, too. What about the Yeti?”

“We...haven't seen her since Vaanu left. Or Cetus, or any of the Guardians. I think Cetus and the Shore Guardian are still dead. But I don't know about the Deep Guardian. We haven't had much reason to go into the volcano.”

“...But clearly, not all of the anomalies were taken away...”

“Maybe...it just wasn't possible to undo everything...”

“Maybe not. ...Vaanu's arrival sent a shockwave over the planet. Compared to that, T'kal and Murphy and I are just pebbles thrown in a pond. What concerns me is that any one of us has the potential to make waves.”

“But you don't think you have the power to break reality like Vaanu?”

“I don't think so, no.”

“And if you don't, I doubt that T'kal or Murphy do, either.”

“You're probably right,” she sighs. For a moment, she is quiet, looking out over the water. The quuk'tanoi game is tied two-to-two. Taari just barely manages to keep Varyyn from ending it with the winning goal. Her gaze shifts to further down the beach, in somewhat shallower water, a series of narrow wooden posts rise above water's rippling surface. I remember Michelle and Craig facing off against Varyyn and Diego in that event at the Valinorim. The dueling staves are lying on the sand. Alodia abruptly strips down to the bathing suit I've loaned her for the week and starts toward the water.

“Where are you going?”

“To see if I still have the right stuff.”

She wades into the ocean, swimming out to the posts and mounting the nearest one in a single graceful motion. She balances carefully on its flat, narrow top, barely large enough for the balls of both her feet. She starts tentatively at first, just stepping from one post to the next. Gradually, she starts to fold in a pirouette or two. Jake and Sean take notice and start to wander over, followed by a few of the others. Alodia starts to add in some handstands and flips. A crowd of Vaanti and Catalysts starts to form as she starts to move faster and more artistically. One of the Vaanti begins pounding out a rhythm for her on a traditional drum. She moves with it, dancing over the posts with cat-like balance and grace. Some of the Vaanti start singing and chanting. I find myself clapping to the beat of the drummer. It seems to motivate her. She is dancing for an audience now, aiming to impress and inspire. Finally, she stills, ending in a crouch on the center post. Even from the shore, I can see the sweat glistening on her skin and the way her breasts heave with exertion. The crowd erupts into enthusiastic applause and cheers.

I notice Jake starting into the water, his pace somewhat hurried as he swims out to the posts. I quickly realize why as Alodia wobbles slightly in her attempt to slip off the post and into the water. She could probably do with a little help getting back to shore. She's trembling a little as she climbs out of the water, leaning on Jake. She smiles sheepishly.

“I think I'm going to be feeling that in the morning.”

“Maybe, but that was frickin' awesome!” Craig exclaims. “Where did you learn to do that?!”

“Uh...gymnastics classes? I think the real question should be where I learned to do that in the timeline where I never existed before the island.”

“Well, that's easy,” Diego remarks. “Being able to do cool stunts was one of the superhero powers I imagined for you.”

She snorts. “That's not a power, that's a skill. Couldn't you have given me the power of flight or something? I've always wanted to fly.”

“What, time travel isn't good enough for you?”

“Well, you didn't dream that up for me, that was a side effect of being part-alien.”

Diego grins. “...I challenge anyone to say they've got a cooler best friend than I do.”

“Next time we play quuk'tanoi,” Taari declares, “she's on my team!”

I start a little at the sound of his voice. I am embarrassed to admit that I missed the end of the game.

“How did you do out there, Taari?”

“He has not yet earned his mask,” Varyyn says. “But it will not be long. He put up a good fight.”

“Say, I got an idea,” Jake pipes up. “I'm guessing Alodia needs to rest tonight after that display, but what's say tomorrow we get the old dream team back together? Me, Cap, and Princess against Varyyn, Seraxa, and Taari.”

“Well, I'm game if Alodia is,” Sean says, grinning.

“I...I don't know. It's been years since I played...”

“It's been years since you were on a balance beam, too,” Diego points out.

“After that display, I'd be more concerned about those two weighing you down,” Seraxa agrees, nodding at Jake and Sean with a smirk.

“Hey, watch it,” Jake retorts. “Remember what underestimating us got you last time.”

“Well...” Alodia smiles, and I can see her trying to hide her eagerness. “We'll see how my body feels in the morning. If I'm walking like an old lady, I'm out.”

Varyyn

We spend the last daylight hours in play on the shore. Alodia appears to have recovered from whatever melancholy mood had gripped her earlier. Though her performance on the sparring poles has exhausted her, she engages in conversation, laughing and telling jokes with the Catalysts and the Vaanti. She listens eagerly to Taari's stories of the last five years in Elyys'tel, and shares in the feasting back in the village.

The skies have turned dark by the time the feasting is over. Seraxa has shuffled Taari off to bed, and the Catalysts have drifted off towards their beds. When Diego begins yawning, I encourage him to wait for me in our hammock, but I am not quite ready to join him there. At first, I'm not sure what it is that compels me to make my way up the top platform instead of joining my beloved in blissful sleep, but the urge is to overwhelming to ignore. When I arrive there, I find Alodia, staring out at the stars glittering above the ocean. I stop dead in my tracks when I realize what precisely drew me up here.

… I can still feel her. Her presence remains on the edges of my mind, a consciousness separate from my own. For five years, it was gone. But I must have felt it return the same moment she did.

“Anlashokk,” I murmur.

“You feel it too, then?” she asks in Vaanti.

“I did not realize it until now. But yes. I do. We are still linked.”

“So we are.”

“Do you suppose it means anything?”

“As far as I can tell, it means that I am the daughter of Vaanu, and you are Vaanti, whose ancestors imbibed the sap from the tree nurtured by my parent's energy. It means that on a beach five and a half years ago, you touched my forehead and broke the barrier between our minds so that we could communicate. ...It means that we are who we are, and that has not been fundamentally altered either by Vaanu's leaving this planet or my returning to it.”

“...Do you want Diego or the others to know?”

She sighs, leaning back against Elyys'tel's massive trunk. “I don't think it should be a secret, but I don't feel the need to tell them, either. I don't mind if you tell Diego. Perhaps I will tell the others in time, if it feels necessary.”

I nod. “It is your decision.”

She is quiet for a long time. When she speaks again, it is in English. “Varyyn? How come you never turned on me? When you learned that I was the Endless?”

I could tell her that she was never the Endless, that the Endless was an alternate version of herself, but part of the advantage of having her in my mind is knowing when I would only be wasting words. It would not comfort her to hear that. But I believe the truth might.

“Because of Diego.”

She sighs. “I see. Because he loves me and you love him, you couldn't hate me.”

“No. Well, yes. But that's not why I didn't turn on you.”

“I don't follow.”

It is my turn to be silent for awhile, looking out over the still, peaceful water. “...Do you remember the previous timelines? Those lives you lived before?”

“Not all of them. And not all the time. I think they've been largely repressed as a matter of self-preservation.”

“...The Endless went back to change the Vaanti because the meeting between the Vaanti and the Catalysts always ended with the Catalysts slaughtered.”

“...Yes.”

“...Do you...do you know if I was ever there?”

The look she passes to me suggests that she had never considered the question before. “I...I don't know, Varyyn. I suppose it's possible some version of you was there. Though...you probably were not recognizable. Whatever version of Varyyn lived in those timelines before the Endless changed you would have been feral like the other Vaanti. Part of what makes you the Varyyn we know is your upbringing. And you were raised with the Endless' teachings.”

The relief that floods through me is so strong that I feel my knees weaken, but I manage to stay upright, gripping the rope support in front of me. A knot of tears crystalizes in my throat.

“...Since the Endless revealed herself to us in the temple, since she took off her helmet and showed us your aged face, since she revealed that it was in an attempt to keep her loved ones alive that she made herself a god to us...I have wondered if I was there when the Catalysts were slaughtered. I have wondered...” I choke, swallowing hard before continuing, “...In my nightmares, I can see the day Cetus killed my mother. That happened right in front of me. That memory is barely more real than the images my mind conjures up of the Catalysts being slaughtered by the Vaanti. I can see Diego. ...I can see him on his knees, begging for his life. For his friends' lives. I don't want to imagine things like this, but I cannot help it. My mind tortures me, filling in every detail. Who he has already seen die. Who is still living, still begging, still frightened, still fighting, still weeping.

“I can't bear to think of it, but I do. All the time. I see him die, Alodia. My mind shows me his death, and I want to tear apart the one who held the spear with my bare hands. ...But then I realize that it might have been me. There might have been a time when I heard his cries and his pleas and was unmoved. There might have been a time when I looked into his eyes and felt nothing. When I saw his fear and his anguish and never felt the desire to take him in my arms and fight any who would harm him.” I look at her, my tears flowing freely now. “...How could I condemn you for loving him more than I did then? For never wavering in that love, and doing everything in your power to save him?”

Her mouth twists, her eyes shimmering in the moonlight. “...It wasn't you, Varyyn. You did not come into being until after the Endless changed your people. I don't care if the Vaanti who killed Diego was the only son of your parents, it wasn't you. You are my best friend's soulmate.”

“...And you are the woman who brought hope to my people. You brought my soulmate to my side. And you will always have my friendship.”

“As you will have mine.” She smiles, wiping her eyes. “...I should probably find my own soulmate. I expect he won't sleep until he knows I haven't vanished again.”

I offer her my arm as we descend the winding platforms. She still looks worn out from her performance earlier, and I fear in her exhausted state that she will stagger and invite disaster. After seeing her safely into Jake's arms, I make my way to my own beloved.

He appears to be asleep already, his arms resting on his belly, his head lolled to one side. But as I climb carefully into the hammock beside him, he stirs, turning to nestle into me. I draw him to my chest.

“It has been too long since I slept with you in my arms,” I murmur, kissing his hair.

“It's only been three nights.”

“That might as well be an eternity, my darling.”

He snorts, lifting his head to kiss me. We lie nose-to-nose beneath the canopy of leaves and stars. He winds his arm around me and lets his fingertips trail gently up and down my back, making me shiver. His breath is warm on my face. I let my hand slip under his shirt, gently massaging along his narrow torso. I want to feel his body. I want to feel every inch of his flesh, warm with lifeblood. I press my palm to his breastbone, feeling his heart thump against my skin.

“You sure sleeping is all you want to do?” he chuckles teasingly. In spite of myself, I feel a hot blush blooming in my cheeks.

“...Sleeping is never all I want to do when you are in my arms, my love. ...But I do not think our present location is the proper place for anything else.”

“Maybe not,” he concedes, but I hear a note of mischief in his voice. He brings his hand up to stroke my cheek, and lets his thumb trail over my lips. “But we don't have to stay here, do we. We know all the secluded romantic spots in Elyys'tel.”

He shifts, kissing down my neck toward my chest. I can't help laughing. “An hour ago, you were yawning!”

“Maybe so, but I've had a nice little nap. And I've been dreaming of you playing quuk'tanoi. It's got me in the mood.”

“Well then,” I roll out of the hammock and offer him my hand. “The moon is beautiful tonight, my darling. Let us not waste it.”

He accepts my hand, climbing out of the hammock. As soon as his feet touch the ground, I sweep him into my arms, cradling him. He laughs, winding his arms around my neck.

“I think you're in the mood too, sweetheart.”

I bend to capture his mouth in a kiss. “Hold on tight,” I whisper against his mouth. “Don't let go of me.”

He tightens his grip. “Never, Varyyn. Not as long as I live.” He lets his head drop onto my shoulder. “I promise.”

may i please request a fic where brenner comes back and hurts el

“What?” Mike says.

Eleven takes a deep breath, meeting his eyes steadily. He doesn’t look like he believes her and that is a whole other level of pain. He knows her well enough, she has to make him believe.

“I’m leaving,” she repeats, grasping at straws, “I don’t belong here.”

“Huh? Of course you do,” he says and she wants to scream.

“No, I don’t,” she says.

“El—“

“I never have,” she continues, “I never should have listened—never should have come back. This is wrong,” she emphasizes the last word, “you are just a kid,” she says, “I am more. You don’t get it.”

The confusion is starting to leave and hurt is replacing it. She can’t watch this, she can’t. It hurts too much. But she has to do this, she has to. For him. She licks her lips and picks up her bag, more out of habit than any actual use. She can’t even feel it. She definitely can’t look at her keychains.

“Goodbye,” she says curtly and runs, using her powers to delay him just enough. Not that they’re needed. He’s so surprised he doesn’t move. Just stays there with the picnic he made in the av room because it’s the anniversary of the Snow Ball. She scrubs at her cheeks as she runs, pausing only long enough to dump her bag in the trash can. She stumbles out into the cold and tries not to react when a hand falls on her shoulder, “thank you,”she says numbly.

Papa looks at her critically. Eleven knows he didn’t have to let her do that, he could have taken her. Could have hurt them like he hurt Mama. Eleven knows it was a test, it’s always a test with him, but she’s still grateful. She meets his gaze and he tilts her chin, his touch doesn’t register but her skin crawls all the same.

“Good girl,” Papa says, “let’s go.”

Eleven nods her consent meekly, fighting back the urge to rip them apart when he grips her wrist too tight. Every step hurts but it’s a hollow sort of hurt, one that echoes in the empty space in her chest. He steers her towards the car.

“El!”

Horror crashes through her. She broke up with him, she said everything right. She was good. Papa glares at her and his grip turns painful. She actually whimpers, finds herself tugging against him. Rage colors his face as he sees her pulling. No powers, just her slight figure struggling in the most human of ways.

“Get in the car,” he orders, “do you remember what I said? Get in or he’ll wind up like everyone else.”

The doors crash open as Mike stumbles out. A ragged gasp of relief leaves her, even though this is the most dangerous moment. He knows, though. He knows and she clings to that with everything she has. He stares at them and Eleven tugs harder.

“Stop that,” Papa scolds.

“Hey!” Mike’s voice is loud, angry. Eleven knows from the look in Papa’s eyes that this only has one way to end, “You son of a Bitch,” Mike snarls.

“Let me go!” she cries suddenly, “let me go!”

No powers is the rule, no powers is the only thing keeping them alive but it’s not going to matter. The delicate stuff has become harder as she’s gotten older, she keeps tugging and struggling as she reaches inside the school and finds what she’s looking for. Mentally apologizing to everyone, she slams down on the button as hard as she can.

The fire alarm splits the air.

“You stupid girl!” Papa roars and backhands her.

Her wrist cracks in the fall, she feels that. Her own yell of pain is lost to the chaos. She recognizes Mike’s hand on her and scrambles towards it, they both wind up staggering backwards into the crowd. Her eyes lock with Papa and he gives her a vicious look that’s edged with enough triumph to make her blood go cold. That’s when she realizes Mike is doubled over making sounds like she does when she has a panic attack.

“Mike!” she wails, gripping his arms and lowering him down, “Mike!”

“Mister Wheeler! Mister Wheeler I need you to talk to me, what’s happening?”

Eleven looks desperately at Mr. Clarke. He’s always been nice, he didn’t tell anyone even when he recognized her. She isn’t supposed to trust anyone but Mike is still wheezing.

“I think he got shot,” she whimpers. Mr. Clarke stares at her, “they pushed me and—“ she holds up her wrist, ignoring the lurch it makes her stomach do. Mr. Clarke goes pale.

“Someone call 911,” he roars sounding alarmingly like Papa, “and get the nurse!” He turns back to her, his face softening, “it’s going to be okay.”

“They were going to take me,” she says, “Mike stopped them,” she looks down in alarm at his lips and the wheezing sound, “he can’t breathe!” she cries.

“Help’s on the way,” he says, relief flooding him when the nurse runs over, “Dustin, Dustin! Take Miss Hopper—“

“No!” she cries.

“I wouldn’t move her,” Dustin begins, “lemme get–oh holy shit,” he says when he sees, “did he get shot?! Mike!” the others all shove their way forward at his yell. Eleven looks at them helplessly, hoping one of them will know what to do. “what are you—“ Dustin grabs her and hides her and a moment later Mike gasps loudly.

“Mike!” she cries, pulling back, “oh no–“ there’s a tube sticking out of his chest, "oh–”

“I’m okay,” he gasps, fumbling for her, “I’m okay, El, it’s okay.”

“No, no! You weren’t supposed to get hurt!”

They’ve done nothing wrong but rage blinds her anyway.  They hurt him, she hurt him. Mike’s eyes widen and he groped blindly for something but the pain is still on his face. She’s killed before, it will be so easy and when Papa comes back, she’ll kill him too. She’ll kill them all. Above the sound of the fire alarm the building makes a terrible wheezing sound, the support beams groaning as she twists them. Metal is always easier. It taste’s like the metal in her mouth. Like it’s a part of her. She squeezes tighter and tighter. Like it’s her being squeezed and twisted. Like it can’t move.

Like she can’t move.

“Let me go!” She roars twisting, “let me go–”

Her words are muffled as she finds herself twisted around, face pressed against a broad chest. She snarls and kicks, tries to get any kind of footing but there’s none. It’s like fighting against something sticky, whenever she tries to push it just gets harder, when she tries to lash out, something hits her with a bright shock of pain that she can’t get by. Its like fighting a wall and she hates hates hates it. Until she’s clinging to it, even though a part of it expects to be hurt by it anyway.

“Jonathan!”

The wall moves.

Nancy is watching them load Mike into the ambulance and motions for her. She runs forward. Before anyone can say anything Nancy hauls her into the back of it. The EMT’s slam the doors and it lurches to life. It’s cold in the back, but that doesn’t matter as she grabs Mike’s hand. He’s breathing but all of the machines seem to be wailing. Eleven doesn’t like the noise. She looks at Mike desperately.

“You weren’t supposed to get hurt!” She cries, “you were supposed to stay inside.”

“You said you didn’t belong,” he says, “I knew you were lying.”

“But—“ her lip trembles and she remembers him wheezing, “Mike,” she says desperately. He shakes his head.

“I’m not just a kid,” he tells her, “I didn’t want to be either, not since we found you.”

She hiccups around a sob then, because when she found Mike was the first time she wanted to be one. She wanted to be pretty and go to the Snow Ball and have a normal bed.  Now everything feels ruined, Mike’s been hurt and her wrist is throbbing. And all she wanted to do was keep him safe. She doesn’t know why when she tries to do that, he’s always safe and always hurt. All at the same time.

“She broke her wrist,” Mike tells one of the EMTs. They look at her and she snatches the limb away, “let them look,” Mike says.

“But—“ she frowns, not liking the idea.

“It’ll be okay,” he promises, “please let them.”

The EMT takes her wrist into her hand. They brace it but it still throbs. Which doesn’t matter as much as Mike having an oxygen mask put around his face. She lurches forward, wanting to help but not sure how she can. Mike catches her hand and holds it close, like that will do anything. When they get to the hospital she can’t even manage that and it unleashes a whole new torrent of tears.

When they let her see him again she wastes no time climbing into the bed with him and burying her face in his chest. Mike hugs her close. She can hear herself whimpering, because she doesn’t know what to say. How to say it. Papa made her but she still did what she did. And now they’re both hurt. But under her cheek she feels Mike humming quietly, his hand going through her hair as he does. She knows he’s making sure she knows he’s forgiving her and she wishes he wouldn’t even as she cries for it.

“You’re hurt,” she protests feebly, after far too long in his chest, even though he won’t let her pull away still, “Mike.”

“I’m gonna be fine,” he tells her. Her face contorts because he can’t promise that, “as long as you’re here,” he says, “I’ll be ok.”

“But—“

“No,” he cuts in, something sparking in his eyes even around the drugs they must have him on, “I want you, ok? I don’t care about the rest. I need you.”

Desperation laces his words and it cuts her. She knows that he’s being sincere, that he means it and she wishes that he didn’t. It’s terrifying in the exact opposite way of what Papa used to say. But that doesn’t make it less terrifying. It maybe makes it more. Because she stopped needing Papa a long time ago. She’s only grown to need Mike more.

“I need you too,” she whispers.

and what you don’t know can’t hurt you (x)

→ word count: 2,279

→ prompt: three anonymous prompts asking for stenbrough fluff (sort of, it’s mostly angst, please forgive me), stenbrough appreciating each other’s perspectives, and stenbrough’s first time holding hands

→ warnings: spoilers for part two, angst, swears

It was one of those days again. One of those bitter autumn days where the chill in the air reminded Bill just how empty the Barrens were. Reminded Bill that the Losers club had grown fewer and farther between since the summer, cogs in a machine falling apart piece by piece. They all knew but didn’t mention how the good times just weren’t rolling quite like they used to. Beverly had already moved, and the boys never seemed to find the time anymore to all be there together. Two or three usually, sometimes six on a good day, but how good could it really be if they were still only six sevenths of a whole?

That day was a two-Loser kind of day, but he didn’t know that yet. He didn’t think anyone would come at all. He was skipping stones as best as he could across the shallow waters of the Kenduskeag, his eyes glazed, contemplating just giving up waiting and going home. It was getting late, anyways, and his dark green fleece and jeans weren’t enough to keep him warm when he was sitting idly like this.

“Bill?”

Bill started and whipped his head to the source of the voice, missing the fact that his last throw had actually skipped. “S-Stan! You s-scared the shit out of m-me…” The relief was evident in his voice. He missed Stan a lot, he came by the least. Stan gave him a half-smile, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. He was dressed as neatly as usual, with his pants longer to suit the weather and an unzipped burgundy jacket.  

“Nobody else here?” His voice was shaky.

“J-j-just us,” Bill said, “Mike was g-gonna come by b-but he had chores.” He looked back at the stack of smooth, rounded rocks that he’d picked out for skipping. He picked up another, glanced at his friend, and held it out to him. “I-is everything-okay?”

Stan seemed caught off guard, even though it would have been easy for anyone to tell, let alone one of his best friends, that he was on edge. “Of course it is, it’s just…” Stan folded his arms tightly, his fingers drumming against his own bicep, listlessly tugging at the fabric of his jacket, “do you… want me here?”

“Why w-wouldn’t I w-want you here?” Bill asked, his tone soft, good-natured. To emphasize his point, he shook his still-outstretched hand in the air, encouraging Stan to take the rock and sit beside him.

“I just. I guess I thought you’d be pissed off at me for being scared this summer,” Stan said as he did, his rock skipping twice, “and I don’t want you to think I didn’t want to help you, or Georgie, or the other kids. I know that’s what I made it seem like.” Bill was watching him intently now, but Stan couldn’t meet his eyes. He drew a long breath and let it curl in a wispy cloud of white from his lips. He looked like Beverly when she took a drag from her cigarette, and he felt a pang of hurt at the thought. Maybe that’s your type, he thought to himself. And then Stan was speaking again, and looking at him this time with earnest, “I really wish I was braver for you.” A hint of embarrassed realization in his eyes, a cough, and then a correction: “For all of you.”

He was sorry. He was sorry? This whole time Bill’s guilt over driving someone he cared about quite a lot into the arms of his worst fears had been gnawing away at him like termites, and Stan was sorry?

“Fuh-fuh-fuh…” The word he was searching for was ‘funny’ as in ‘har-har, funny you should say that’, but when it didn’t come, he settled for a defeated “fuck.” Har-har, funny how things worked out, because that fuck said everything. He grit his teeth, frustrated that his sentence was already all muddled in his throat before he was even a word in, but Stan gave him a patient, reassuring nod, and his frown weakened. Out of all of the Losers, Stan was always the one that made him feel the least pressured to ‘spuh-spuh-spit it out, Buh-buh-Billyboy’. “I thought y-you were m-mad at me for d-dragging you into all this sh-shit. It was s-selfish.” He threw a stone. Just threw it, didn’t even try to skip.

Stan’s concerned eyes searched his face. The crease in his brow said ‘I had no idea you felt like this’ without needing to say it at all. He shook his head, causing a curl to come loose from where it had been neatly combed to the side. Bill’s eyes focused on that curl. “It was not selfish, it was selfless. You were trying to do what nobody else in the town had the guts to do, which was anything at all,” he said, and another stone skipped along, “and it was fate, I think. You know? We’re the lucky seven, Bill. We needed all of us.”

“Shu-sure.” Bill gave up on the stones all together and braced himself instead, already knowing his stutter would wreak havoc with what he planned to say next. “B-b-but f-for the record, yuh-you’re not a cuh-coward. You’re one of the b-bravest puh-puh-puh…” Ah, crumbs. Bill clenched his fists, his mind briefly flooded with his mantra: He thrusts his fists against the posts. Posts. Posts. It’s a p-word, close, but not what he wanted to say. He wanted to say person, and even that wasn’t all he wanted to say… Stan, oh god, Stanley, you’re so much more than you think you are. You’re smart and you’re strong and I don’t want you to leave like she did, not when I’ve always felt for you what I felt for her. There’s a start. And fuck, even if his stutter had magically lifted, he couldn’t have brought himself to say that. He’d never get the chance, but he didn’t know that yet. “Puh… puh…” Spittle bubbled on his lips and the cords of his neck strained visibly as he tried to force the words out of him.

“Person?” Stan offered. His smile was already appreciative. It wasn’t hard to predict what Bill was trying to say.

Bill nodded gratefully. “Y-yeah. Thanks.”

Stanley’s warm smile lingered all too briefly, and then it was gone. Like his own half-finished sentences, Stan’s expressions were easy to read: He doesn’t mean it. He’s just saying that because he’s nice. I’m not even half as brave as Mike or Richie, or Bev for that matter.

And Bill thought ‘he’s wrong about himself, he just doesn’t know that yet’.

“I wuh-went into all this because of Guh-Georgie. And B-Bev, because of her d-dad, I think. A-and E-Eddie’s mom. IT wuh-was already i-in the p-people  in our lives, so w-we didn’t really h-have a choice. W-we were all ruh-ruh-running from something. But y-you had the choice t-to walk away, a-and focus on the puh-pressure you were under, and your bar m-mitzvah.” A flicker of hurt crossed Stan’s eyes at the mention of the ceremony, the one Bill had been too proud to attend. “Buh-but you decided to help us. N-not because you h-had to, but b-because you could. I don’t nuh-know about you, but that seems p-pretty brave to me.”

There was a clatter as a pebble tumbled from Stan’s limp hand, and when Bill looked over at his friend, he saw his eyes were red and brimming with tears. He wiped at them desperately with the sleeve of his jacket pulled over the palm of his hand. He had angled himself away so that Bill wouldn’t see.

Bill already knew exactly why he was crying. He knew that Stan was losing sleep. Hell, maybe he hadn’t slept at all. It wasn’t just in the circles under his eyes or in the way he would stare off into nothingness when conversation lulled, but in the fact that Stan’s smiles never reached his eyes anymore. Not since the blood oath. Only Bill had noticed.

Stan said something, but it wasn’t really Stanley, was it? That voice sounded too broken, too empty and quiet and distant. It sounded like a ghost (still insists he sees the ghosts, still insists he sees the ghosts), and for some reason that sent waves of hot dread coursing through the redhead, crawling just beneath his skin. And the ghost said: “I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

Go to him, god fucking dammit. You’re losing him and you don’t know it yet. Bill climbed closer until he could place his arm around the other boy’s shoulder. (he thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees) The ghost of his friend shook in the autumn air, in the grip of his sadness, in the warm embrace. That ghost of his friend melted into the touch, his head collapsing into the crook of Bill’s shoulder.

Bill thought maybe this was one of those times where saying nothing was actually better. Instead he let his hand slide from the shoulder and down in search of Stan’s trembling hands. When his fingers found purchase, Stan’s squeezed back tight. Don’t you dare let go. (he still insists)

They stayed that way until the tears stopped.

“I’m s-s-sorry I didn’t guh-go,” Bill finally blurted, “to your bar m-mitzvah.”

Stan sniffled, not lifting his head when he replied. “I’m not still mad about that.”

Bill grinned, knowing how stupid this sounded. “Ruh-Richie went! Richie.” This caused Stan to laugh silently, the vibrations spreading from his chest to Bill’s arm.

“You’ve got a point.”

“I wanted to be there for you.” Stan glanced up, and Bill nodded. “I did.”

Stan’s smile widened. “Honestly, I think Richie had more fun than I did, because I-” The Jewish boy interrupted himself with a sudden, uncharacteristic gasp of laughter, “I-I, uh, I held the Torah upside down.” He was grinning as he stared across the babbling stream into the growing shadows. Bill realized with a giddy sort of awe that the fact that he was grinning meant that he was smiling ㅡ the sort of smile that touched his eyes.

“T-Torah? Is that the book?” He made a square shape with his pointer fingers and thumbs.

Stan nodded and wiped his eye with his free hand, the other gripping Bill’s just a little tighter. “I was at a really easy part, too, but I messed up a lot because I was so anxious. You should have seen my dad, he looked about ready to disown me.” He fell silent for a few moments, still smiling contentedly. “And then they cut my dick off.” He punctuated this with a swift, downward chopping motion through the air.

Bill stared at him, wide-eyed with awe, honestly believing for a brief second that he was telling the truth (Bill’s knowledge of Jewish culture was… questionable, mostly because it all came from Richie). Then they both broke out in simultaneous howling laughter.

It was so easy to forget that Stan was just a kid. A kid who dressed and usually acted like a pocket-sized adult but could laugh at his own jokes until he cried. A sad, scared, incredibly brave kid.

When they did stop laughing, it died down to little wheezing, teary-eyed chuckles in between stretches of content silence. Stan forgot all about being scared. That fear was replaced by the pleasant roughness of the hand resting intertwined with his.

That was nice while it lasted, and then it was gone. A biting chill in the air chased them away from the Kenduskeag, just in time to find their way out of the Barrens in the last fading glow of sunset. It painted them orange and red, made everything seem fuzzy, not quite of this world. As they set off down the road together, their hands never left each other. It got dark.

Bill realized pretty early on that he had left Silver behind, but had half the mind to say nothing. He knew if he mentioned it, Stan would insist they go back and get the bike, and then he would have to wheel Silver home, but he couldn’t very well wheel a bike twice his size and hold hands with Stan at the same time, now could he? Silver could be missing by tomorrow morning for all he knew. Bill chose Stan anyways.

Even as they reached Stan’s house, they lingered for a while, careful to keep out of sight.

Don’t you dare let go, Bill.

“I should probably go,” Stan finally said, “… but I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

Bill smiled thinly, sadly. “W-will I?”

Stan took a few steps, walking backwards, his hand sliding out of Bill’s and immediately missing the contact. “Where else would I be?”

Bill didn’t answer. He just shook his head, shrugged, and shoved his now-cold hands into the pockets of his jeans (he thrust his fists).

“G-good night.”

“Bye, Bill.”

He leaned (against the posts) against the street lamp across from Stan’s house for a while, just thinking. Every time he found himself saying goodbye to Stan, he couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that this was the last time he’d ever see him. It wasn’t, of course, far from it. But the feeling persisted (and still insists).

Stan would lay awake that night missing the feeling of Bill’s hands in his. But Bill lay awake with that awful, sickly pit in his stomach. The feeling remained (still insists) through every goodbye for days, for weeks, months, years.

Until one day, when Bill was right, and it was the last time (he sees the ghosts).

He just didn’t know it yet.