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#hes seeing many horrible things

arunicdeath · 13 days

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Corrie Cal!

Featuring the Council deciding that, hey, maybe we shouldn't put a 9 year old on the front lines as a commander- we could just send him to the Coruscant Guard on, like... a work study, and he can learn how to handle failing tasks that way.

Cue a traumatized Initiate that is very quickly gaining abandonment issues ft. the Order, and a very stressed Fox who did Not know about the incoming child, because another commander signed off on it in his name while he was busy and then didn't tell him.

I'll post the fic that goes with this eventually... Someday.

#star wars #cal kestis #coruscant guard #commander fox #corrie cal #cal is in for a ride #hes seeing many horrible things #and is like “wow the order mustve known about all this”#“this must be totally normal”

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gideonisms · 4 months

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eowyn should have been a lesbian. Eowyn/faramir is like, fine, but it misses the point of eowyn for all baby dyke eowyn stans which is not that she longs for glory in battle and doesn't realize war is ugly and brutal, but that she's caught between two awful options and she doesn't want to be given one based on her gender. She's not in love with aragorn, she envies him because she finds the tasks he has in life more preferable and she hero worships him. Is this the point Tolkien was trying to make? Well, no,

#look it is LESS objectionable than other similar fantasy storylines because tolkien is making a point about the brutality of war #but i do think he correctly observes a particular impulse in some women without fully understanding the underlying tensions #he's like. for reasons unknown some women would prefer to face horrible dangerous circumstances than stay at home & tend the family castle #don't you see the castle is the important thing!#the castle is more important yes that's not the POINT #anyway. it will not be until many years later that some of those baby dykes will be able to articulate the vague feeling of betrayal #guy jobs are horrible and exploitative too on this we agree. but you see some of us will die if we have to figure out how to be nurturing

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muffingnf · 1 month

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forever thinking about how nothing will be the same as before this situation and george won't be the same ever again. i just hope he will take of his mental health after this, no matter what it takes, even if it means he will be far more distanced

anon this is seriously making me suicidal

on a real note i mostly worry about how this will impact his ability to form connections and make relationships with other people. like imagine feeling too cautious to go near non-ccs because oh god what if theyre a secret fan or what if they put something online and ‘expose’ me. but then u can’t go near fellow cc’s either because you cannot tell who has genuine intentions and who just wants to fuck you over later down the line. and none of this is even shit fans like me should even be thinking about i cannot stress enough how none of this should’ve been public and i feel so fucking bad for him that he’s had to be so publicly vulnerable after being so private his whole career.

on another note i suppose dnf will be trauma bonded for life now

#i see many people saying he’ll distance himself from his community and maybe he will #but this isnt even a situation that fans caused it was another cc #and yes many fans overreacted and took part in horrible things out of fear and panic initially #but george is genuinely so kind he is SO kind and i don’t think he would hold that first response over peoples heads #whether thats his fans or his ex-friends #i hope he’s taking care of himself and i hope he knows he’s allowed as much time to process as he needs #i was gonna say a good idea would be for him to go home for a bit and see his family but then j remembered his fawking OPPS would be just #down the road #fuck his stupid life #anyway #discourse #just in case #tw george situation #nova.ask

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throttlegainwell · 1 month

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Thinking about that fine line Jonathan walks re: Lonnie's impact on Will. Wanting to insulate Will from Lonnie's rejection and soften that blow as much as he's able, but not wanting to give him false hope and feed a dangerous fantasy where Lonnie has a place in his life.

Because who wants to look into those big, sad eyes and tell their little brother that Dad doesn't love him? That he will never care, and that Will is nothing to him. But he also wants Will to be prepared, and he doesn't want to lie to him. He respects this kid and he wants to impress that upon him--the world may not, but Jonathan will always respect his intelligence and ability to think for himself, and he will nurture that, would never hamper it even supposedly for Will's own good.

So he makes it about conformity. There's a life lesson in that. It's not just that Dad doesn't give a shit--it's that Will should be true to himself because fuck everyone who doesn't see it that way.

#jonathan byers #will byers #stranger things #i dunno jonathan knows that lonnie sucks and i think it's hard for him to see will pining for this horrible person #(or more like the idea of him maybe--the chalk outline of fatherhood that he represents)#who's damaged jonathan so deeply but more importantly (to him) hurt everyone he cares about and left so much wreckage in his wake #so there's a part of him that wants to prepare will & build up that armor the way that jonathan has for himself #and that's gotta be a tough instinct to supress (because lonnie has instilled so deeply in jonathan that the world is a dangerous place)#but he never ever *ever* wants to strip will of his innocence and hope so he knows he can't #and that's the narrow set of parameters he's working with #don't tell will that dad doesn't give a shit about him (but if he figures it out on his own then be there for him and don't deny it)#don't tell him dad's a piece of shit & not worth it--just redirect until will realizes that he doesn't have to care #all the while he's thinking #'no he doesn't love you but so many people do and so many will'#wishing with all his heart that that would be enough #he's so careful how he talks to him--because the truth isn't kind but jonathan can be #child abandonment tw

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baldurs-gate-official · 5 months

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Thinking about Astarion and trauma again (shocking)

He really is the first character I've seen that depicts PTSD/C-PTSD the way he does. He's angry. He's collecting the pieces of himself he had to chip away over the years and figuring out how to fit them back together again, and it's hard.

I rarely see good PTSD rep in media (and C-PTSD is even less depicted/understood). And when I do, it's always the soft pitiable side of it. The side of it that's more palatable and easy to accept. But the reality is that the trauma that stems from such abuse can be vicious, and messy. It can lash out and push people away. Bring out the worst in you, at times. It can be so, so angry.

I love that we see that in Astarion. Both because it's good representation, and because I'm a survivor too. I'm angry. I'm upset. I want to kick and scream about it, but I can't. I feel like I must always remain in control, or that displaying those feelings will only hurt those around me and push them away. I don't want that. I don't want to hurt others or be alone.

Seeing Astarion do those things, being angry and messy over it all... It makes me so happy. He says things to Cazador I wish I could say to my own abusers, with no regard to how others perceive it. He doesn't hold back. And I get to see a character with a very similar kind of trauma do/say the things I only dream about, and not be abandoned for it. He's given the chance to heal and grow as a person, and feel loved. He gets to have a happy ending.

And he gets to be mad. And that's ok.

#bg3 #astarion #text post #cw trauma #cw ptsd #ive never seen a character before with such a similarish past to mine #i feel so seen and understood #i hate that ive had to be silent about it #i hate it so much #it means SO much to see a character with such good CPTSD rep #and see so many people love his character #i recently escaped my own abusers so this sort of thing makes me very emotional #the way he talks about torture too and doesnt try to sugar coat it #i was tortured too. my bones were broken repeatedly for someone elses amusement and it was fucking horrible #years of that #and starvation #among other things #and ive never seen a character before thats been through something similar #ive never even seen a character before this that specifically has CPTSD #ive seen characters who *should* have been written with CPTSD but its as if the writers just googled PTSD and went with that #(C-PTSD comes from continued exposure to trauma over the course of months or years where PTSD is often from a singular event)#(the symptoms differ a bit. and Astarion is a very good example of C-PTSD)#it just makes me really happy. and it makes me feel like people might understand and not blame me for what happened #well. some people do anyway. but. this kind of representation helps a lot with helping people understand #seriously though ive had people act like theyd have fared better in my situation. or blamed me for what happened #how fucked is that???? i want to chew glass whenever it happens #its always people whove never had any experience with abuse too #but they have the audacity to tell me theyre built different or something #q

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randomnameless · 4 months

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Fates unironically did the "muhritocracy" schtick better than 3H lol; the vast majority of the playable Nohrian characters are commoners who got into high-ranking positions in the Nohrian army due to being exceptional soldiers and getting rewarded as such, whereas the only commoners on Adrestia's side that aren't turncoats (or fodder soldiers that are stated to exist only in throwaway dialogue from faceless NPCs) are Ladislava (non-character with no screentime, personality or even feats to support that she did anything to help the Adrestian army in any significant way), Fleche (slightly more of a character, still does nothing to help Adrestia), Randolph (does nothing to help and isn't even particularly well-recognized or rewarded for his skills, if him being jealous of his superiors is any indication), and Dorothea (only got to a high-ranking position due to prostituting herself in order to get into Garreg Mach, befriending the crown princess of the Empire, and being made into a general of the Adrestian army due to nepotism from that same crown princess).

What makes it even worse is that Nohr rewarding merit for anyone and everyone, regardless of social class or status, is an irrelevant bit of background worldbuilding, whereas Edelgard wanting to reward commoners' merits is one of her most consistently-repeated ideals, but the only non-nobleborn CF playable character only got so far in life due to (literal) peepee-sucking and nepotism, and even the NPCs are either featless non-characters (Fleche and Ladislava) or complain about not being recognized enough despite his skill/is recognized enough and Edelgard just decided a power-hungry, immoral dumbass was meritant enough to be made into a general in her army (Randolph); shouldn't the order have been reversed? Like, the game where one of the main characters' principle ideals is to recognize and reward anyone who's skilled should be the one to have most of her allies be commoners, whereas the one where the concept of merit is completely irrelevant to the story, themes and characters could have just had the characters be mostly nobles instead of consistently making them commoners just for subtle worldbuilding? It's weird.

Want to see an upstanding posterchild of Nohrian muhritocracy?

Chaos will always topple the ones who don't earn their status. It's folks like you and me who rise to the top. And the way we do that is by cutting down all our enemies.

I won't stop at captain. I will keep on climbing!

I'll be a king someday. I'll make it happen—you wait and see.

More seriously -

It's all about the what is actually rewarded.

I've already joked a bit about it, but basically Randolph and Nopes!Caspar want to demonstrate their muhrit by... invading countries, killing refugees or randoms who returned in their home after being ousted by the Imperial army.

Much muhrit, very uwu.

Take Whodislava, as you mentioned, bar being a named NPC who as less screentime than Kronya and is supposed to be a sad casualty for war, while being the posterchild of Supreme Leader's muhritocracy, we don't a thing about her. What has she done to be granted the rank of general? What are her achievements?

At times I'm pretty sure TS was partly written to laugh and mock FE16, but Avlora is basically in the same situation, save that Avlora has more plot relevance and exists bar being a sign the devs hold that's written "please feel bad about this character you've never interacted with and only has 5 lines of dialogue and is only here to garner sympathy when she dies I mean even Fates!Candace had more presence than her".

Avlora was an orphan, trained under Groma - a famous general - who continued to train even when Groma retired, became Adre- Aesfrost's top general and defeated Maxwell in a duel. We have her story - she came from nothing - her feats - she defeated the strongest warrior in Glenbrook - and the entire meritocracy angle sticks : Avlora was a nobody made general because she kicked asses.

The meritocratic Adrestia NPCs?

Randolph... tries to get muhrit, but fails as we protect people and only laments about his status in his House (as he is fucking killing people to gain more status, like dude, priorities?) - so in way, both Randy and Flèche are imo, counterexemples of Supreme Leader's muhritocracy : Randolph kills peons and invades an orphanage to demonstrate his "muhrit" because, otherwise, without any muhrit, iirc it's implied he and his sister will be demoted to randoms in House Bergliez (even if Flèche is supposed to be younger than Cyril iirc? Like how the frick do you want a kid of 12 to demonstrate her muhrit, else she'll be kicked out of her house?).

Whodislava... dies heroically, at least that's what we're supposed to get from her very "please cry" cutscene when she dies in front of Supreme Leader in Tru Piss - as Rhea and her family + knights tried to retake their ancestral home and she prevented them from doing so - or it's the same nonsense as "we killed Ferdie professor :(", we are supposed to feel bad about people who were fighting alongside a demonic beast when, in FE16, we fucking know what they are.

Since the FE5 banner released earlier this week, FE5 paints "honorable" Reinhardt as a pitiful man, because no matter how honorable or kickass or kind Reinhardt was, when it came to defect to protect children from being kidnapped or stop the general nonsense the Empire was pulling in Thracia... Reinhardt refused to do so, pretexting remaining by Ishtar's side, and when that became impossible, he choose death over rescuing toddlers. His situation is supposed to be compared to his sister's Olwen, who, when she discovers the truth of what is happening in Thracia, ditches the Empire to help Leif rescue the children - and, imo, Amalda (who's not in FEH yet!) who is also, basically, a commander who plays a larger Camus role as in, she tries to appeal to her Lord to stop the child hunts, her Lord tells her to eat shit, and when asked why she still fights and why she doesn't defect, Amalda says if she does so, her knights will be killed + Amalda appears as a NPC allied unit in a map to hunt bandits to save a village.

So, compared to those ladies who defect or try to protect whoever they can protect - their soldiers AND civilians who are being trampled by their own army - Reinhardt who doesn't do a thing and picks "death" is, as Olwen's ending puts it "pitiful".

Back to your ask anon, even if I disgress from the meritocracy angle - Flèche, Whodislava and Randy are such non-entities compared to characters with 6 lines from FE5 that even if they try to pull the "I have to do this for my family" or the "I came from nothing and still help my emperor because I am thankful to her for having raised me from being a commoner to a general", our Adrestians NPC feel very, very flat.

Are we supposed to cry for Hans's failed dreams of becoming a king when we kill him? No, but Randy and Whodislava's deaths are overplayed with so much pathos that the game is basically telling you "and here you should feel bad because they died" but... what is more important, the fact they tried to unlock a lot of achievments to demonstrate their "muhrit", or what the hell they were ready to do to unlock said achievments?

As for Doro needing to befriend people to enter Garreg Mach, remember that Doro, being touted as another example of the muhritocracy Supreme Leader's Adrestia aims to be, had to engage in sex work from a young age, to reach the diva status - which has very disturbing implications, that are glossed over because that's FE16 for you. Are we supposed to believe Doro "worked hard" to be able to catch the eye of some deranged fucks when she was a pre-teen to become a diva - or, as Manu puts it in a support that cannot be achieved in Tru Piss, muhrit alone doesn't work to become a diva, and it's actually a pretty font to hide the "dark" deeds young singers in Mittelfrank have to do to reach the "diva" status?

Minor tidbit though, Doro is famous enough for being Supreme Leader's dearest friend but she isn't promoted to "general" in Tru Piss, she's only BESF who's not, at least in her bio, a general Post TS.

Imo the question you raise is actually relevant to how empty Supreme Leader's muhritocracy's ideal is - in both game Ferdie has to remind her that to build "muhrit" or for commoners to be able to gather "muhrit" as nobles do, they have to start at the same lever, and receive education as nobles do.

IIRC, in Supreme Bullshit, despite their feats, Hubert tells Barney they're only a commoner - not even a worthy commoner like Doro - but a fucking random - when muhrit wise, Barney should at least be named general!

In both games, Linhardt is a general... but we don't see anything from him, bar his tropey "i want to study crests and nap and i dgaf about anything else" traits - if that's all there is to him, how and why the crap was he made general??

Why, it's almost as if "muhrit" is a smokescreen to hide the fact that the one who chooses/picks who gets to be important from who isn't does it on their own terms just like irl

What is merit, really? Who gets to decide what is merit from what isn't? Or who is the "best" at doing things, from another?

It's another instance of, imo, Fodlan's artificial feel, the game raises a question/issue, and starts some smoke about it, but without tackling said issues seriously we're left with "I agree and think starvation shouldn't exist anymore" milquetoast and cliché opinions that give the illusion this game is "very deep" when it's just, a puff of smoke.

#anon #replies #fodlan nonsense #those games are so ridiculous tbh trying to 'tackle' this issue with a spoon #and then people buy the 'see this game tackles this issue'#you won't drill a hole in a wall of concrete with a plastic spoon #Hans represents muhrit as in ok he can kill things dead yay #but morality wise? No matter how many people he can kill in one day he was arrested because there are more important things than #this 'he's the best at killing' muhritocratic angle #Amalda and Olwen defect when they are given the occasion and learn abotu the Empire's nonsense #but when Whodislava and Ferdie (and the BESF in general) side with Baldo'n'Waldi they don't?#And we're supposed to cry about their deaths when they fucking use mutated humans as fodder?#like I'm not following jjk that well #but i'm pretty sure Doro's not supposed to go full sad uwus “we've killed mahito professor :'( ”#FE5 #FE5 bestest game ever #they made me merciless on the Camus archetype lol #I really love Amalda and hope she'll eventually be added in FE heroes #FE16 #Avlora kicked ass in TS and even she has the realisation that the fuck she was doing was horrible #and faces consequences for demosntrating her 'muhrit' by slaughtering people

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stuffedsand · 4 months

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for the violence ask game: 8 common fandom opinion everyone is wrong about. for milgram. i know exactly what you're going to say i just want to see you go off again

Hiii bestie. You do know what I'm about to talk about. Yippee

Disclaimer that this whole essay is like. For fun and how I say things is ramped up to be funny. I don't mind if you disagree w me cuz like that's the nature of things! We disagree but we can get along.

Anyways short answer for people who don't wanna see the essay: organ harvesting theory. This is about shidou.

Idk how prevalent it is rn since not many people even talk about shidou but it was prevalent enough in June when I got into milgram that I believed it for a bit anyways the rest in under the cut cuz I'm insane sorrg

SO the main reason I think the theory is WRONG (hyperbole‼️) is because I just think it's unrealistic. Man works in a hospital in Japan. How would he pull it off. Scuff an operation bad enough to cause braindeath/death and I'm p sure they suspend your medical licence, if he participated in an organ harvesting operation pre-family-accident his case would then be black and white cuz he was doing it in complete sound mind with no regard for human life. Also it wouldn't justify the extreme reaction he's had to realizing, specifically, "what I've been robbing people of" (t1 voice trailer), and he wouldn't have as heavy a focus on the relatives' feelings and reactions. At least story writing wise it'd make less sense since it doesn't allude to anything if that's the end goal? Imo at least. Idk maybe this is because I really like tragedies in media. Also because it'd be a really disproportionately severe crime compared to every other direct murderer???? Like. We have strangled someone, stabbed someone, bludgeoning, bludgeoning, kicked someone to death. Organ harvesting looks cartoony in this context. It's also not a very prevelant issue in Japan iirc.

Also to prove my point further. If we use this theories the murders would be

Strangling, abortion??????, cyber bullying, stabbing, organ harvesting, toxic r/s, telling the truth (lmao), bludgeoning, bludgeoning, bludgeoning (minus weapon). Organ harvesting is goofy cuz it seems so.... Extreme,,,,,,,

ALSSOOOOO funny point. If he's not directly involved in his murder (as in, unintentional and indirect) that makes 5 direct and 5 indirect. Silly.

Also also his murder seems somewhat tied to how he feels about his job itself ("I wanted to contribute to society (about his career choice)/I had thought my work was a contribution to society", use of past tense) and to me it reads like hes disillusioned w his job esp since his reason for getting a highly sought after, high paying and high social ranking job is "I wanted to contribute to society". Doctors with that empathy can be affected by the death around them more severely and I think that's a fun topic to look at

I count this under "common fandom opinion" cuz it was common enough around June (whenyours truesly got into milgram) that I believed it. I mean I introduced shidou to my friend (hello clown) as "maybe Dr malpractice. Organ harvesting dude" and said friend (hello again clown) is also the one who's heard me bash the organ harvesting theory like 6 times at least now so. Yippee.

Take none of this seriously I just got off a plane and am so very eepy. If you like the organ harvesting theory good for you!!!!!!!💥💥💥💥💥 you do you bestie !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally do not think less of anyone who believes that theory I just personally dont lmao

#sand speaks #hiiiii bestie my silly mutual. youve heard this rant before now for it poorly formatted in text #i mean its better formatted than when i actually talk abt it cuz if i wrote it the way i originally did the points would not be organised #like at all. itd be so bad #anyways all of this is lighthearted i dont think less of anyone with different opinions i just. dont believe the theory at all #i like the tragedy thag comes woth it technhcally not being his fault but also kinda being his fault.#like maybe he had really bad manners towards relatives. or horribls bedside manner (youre in my way just die already“ like ok mr kirisaki.#dont say that to a comatose patient my dude. but yeah it can be argued that morally hed be in the wdong #or if he persuaded relatives to dknate patients organs. which is rude and also malpractice (coercion and taking advantage of ppl in vulnerab #and with his themes of lying (covers) i fhink it could wither be lying to relatives of patients OR. him seeing hsi work and the promise of #saving people from illness or death as a lie and a hoax becasye so many people died anyways despite those promises #anhwyas im insane about this man. characters with extreme worldviews entirely of their own making my beloved #like nothing told him to believe this. he just does and thats whats interesting to me #anywasy suuper sorry about the big essay and the many tags. i love this fandom #i have so much to say but so little phone battery. and mental battery its Zzzzzzzzz time #tell me if abything in here sounds mean or anything btw im too used to being mean as a jokiing thing so im worried ill offend someone

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ominouspositivity-or-else · 3 months

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i think one of my professors has realized that many of the students he teaches think he's a bit of a hardass. i feel so bad. he's genuinely such a sweetheart. he's spent the last two classes dropping comments like "please don't think i'm a sadist. if you're doing this project and thinking 'this is inhumane, but you know Dr. M', please, just come talk to me." like wtf i need to give a speech about how great a guy he is???? i genuinely need to give a persuasive speech about how fun his classes are??? like he's a pain at times and a tough grader but look at me. look at me. he's so reasonable. he has high expectations for everybody evenly. I got a 78 on a final that i thought i absolutely flunked okay? he's reasonable and he's funny in the driest way! it's not nice for people to think he's MEAN. he's not!!! he's just an awkward english professor!!!! be NICE to him FROM NOW ON!!!!

#psychoanalyzing my professor #i think it's getting to him #and i feel horrible #because the first semester i had him i literally thought he was so evil #he's NOT #in fact he's way less evil than a professor everybody likes because he's way more comfy talking to a class #dr m is NOT comfy with public speaking but genuinely he's so nice #he's a tough grader but do you know what he doesn't do????#expect more than you can give!!!#he wants everything from you but when you give everything its gonna be FINE!!!#and yeah on the tests and stuff he wants what he says repeated back to him but if you pay attention and think clearly about it its going to #dont give him more than exactly what he asks for #only bs if you have no clue whatsoever #you'll do FINE #lowest grade i've gotten on a test from him was a B-#and like. im proud of that!!!#Also when he wants things he's really good at explaining what it is he wants to see #also he's so insanely smart it scares me #anyways #there are many benefits to attending a catholic college

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bittersweetstargazer · 16 days

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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers :)

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my friends :)

fanfiction

the magnus archives

my cat

#house md #batman #and all the other many things that I enjoy seeing or being around #EVEN MY CAT!!!!! I LOVE HER SHE'S SO HORRIBLE #and I love espresso cookie too #he's number 6 in my heart

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autisticlee · 20 days

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sometimes I want to be more genderfluid and switch around to whatever seems right for the moment. but at the same time, while having a more masculine persona, immediately lose the support, trust, and kindness of fem peers. but when having a more fem persona, men treat me like a stupid, useless inanimate object they wouldn't be caught dead respecting. just want to be treated equally by everyone, the same way I treat everyone equally regardless of their sex/gender/anything else. so makes me mostly want to stick to a genderless form now, but generally people are obsessed with assigning a gender to me so get treated one way or other anyway. makes me wish to not be perceived at all and to blend in and treated equally by all. why's that so hard to ask for.

#lee rambles #gender #nonbinary #genderfluid #gender is hard because of other people. sometimes just dont want one!!!!!!#still think about time had a friend group who all moved in togther and pushed me put of the group. wouldnt wven let me visit #one friend from the group said they saw me as man (was trying out he/him pronouns at the time) so they no longer want me #they just want “girl time” or whatever so im not allowed to join. also lost another friend who decided “girls and guys cant be friends”#but when in “girl mode” guys treated me horribly or harassed and tried to assault me and wouldnt let me just be friends #WHY PEOPLE MAKE EVERYTHING SO GENDERED. STOP IT.#as time passes want more and more to be neutral and avoid all that shit. dont feel connected to any gender #seems im in the minority for this. don't see many others talk about this kind of thing #is hard to even put into words!!!!!

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