Corrie Cal!

Featuring the Council deciding that, hey, maybe we shouldn't put a 9 year old on the front lines as a commander- we could just send him to the Coruscant Guard on, like... a work study, and he can learn how to handle failing tasks that way.

Cue a traumatized Initiate that is very quickly gaining abandonment issues ft. the Order, and a very stressed Fox who did Not know about the incoming child, because another commander signed off on it in his name while he was busy and then didn't tell him.

I'll post the fic that goes with this eventually... Someday.

it is such a strange (good) experience reading the sw au for me because it hurts (good also)! This is fine and great, but the unusual part is that its so weird for me to read that and feel so at peace and reassured even— and I guess it’s partially a testament to the winning success of your writing of the « This Happened and It Must Happen For The Next Thing To Come » of it all, and partially because even in dark places, _especially_ in dark places, your care and thought for/about the characters shines through so clearly. so I think you mustve earned the simple trust from this simple reader (me) because I think i’d let you drag these funky little guys through the mud in faith that you will bring them to a just, fair, meaningful or at least sense-making place in the end.

Like, while i hope sw Lilith can find some kind of peace in the future one day, her path is obviously too fraught for it to be via an easy fairytale ending. BUT you love her, and imo (my experience from any kind of good media) the first and most important thing any broken character needs for healing (in whatever shape or form), is to be known and loved by the author ❤️❤️❤️

wow thank you anon. i am really feeling very speechless about this, but i'm happy beyond articulation that you trust me with these characters. i do love them very much, and i definitely believe that in order for an ending to feel earned it has to be challenged constantly by the narrative. it has to feel real.

and you know that i love lilith especially, and i will do the best for her that i can, though i also think it's important to take her seriously. i really like how her character is shaping up in this fic, actually, and the richness that the setting has to offer her (lilith's force powers are kind of awesome! i'll say nothing beyond the fact that i really love the game Dishonoured, & certain parts of star wars canon allow me to do interesting things)

i am also endlessly fascinated by narratives of healing, and you are absolutely right about the author's relationship to that

thanks again anon <3

Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?  

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone. 

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??” 

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance.��

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly. 

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

                                       /as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet. 

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed. 

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.   

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

                                                    Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience. 

P.S.  And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian.  i like it better and what will u do haha

EPISODE 9

As frustrating as the blind vote was, Timmy went home, thankfully. There wasn’t a lot of drama or anything, but I still want to touch base with everyone regardless.

Mark made a group chat comprised of all of the original Villains kinda out of nowhere. Named it "OG Villys", which is dangerously close to copyright infringement with the thing I have with Chris and Drew. They're targeting Tracey, which I'm not crazy about. She's really proven herself these last couple of days to me, and I'd rather see a villain go than a civilian.

I knew that "OG Villys" chat was sus. According to Drew, Ricky went rouge and told him that the plan isn't to vote out a Hero, it's to vote out a Civilian. Tracey is just an easy target, and after her, it'll be a domino effect. Not gonna lie, I feel a little betrayed, but at least I've got an excuse to work with the Heroes.

We love tea and our allies winning the special powers! Pat just told me he won the blind reward comp! So exciting. I do consider Pat a very close ally in this game. He has a Sapphire Idol and this is definitely something we can utilize down the road. I knew it would be some cracked ass idol knowing Monty specifically haha. I was worried someone like Sammy or Mark would have it but knowing where it is, is certainly helpful. I feel like I’m in a decent spot in this game, it’s just going to be tricky not being caught on both sides. I have my OG heroes on one side, and my civilian boys on the other side. Realistically Mark or Tracey going doesn’t really negatively impact my game in any shape or form. I think Mark going is big because it’s the first real big move of the game. It could open things up between Sammy and I and other OG villains that didn’t get swapped. It’s also a positive for Tracey to go because I literally have no allegiance to her. She hasn’t told me the truth about my name being thrown around (even tho it was fake) and she honestly just isn’t online as much as she should be to chat. I really don’t know which way I’m voting tonight, but it will likely be what’s best for my game personally without making any waves??? What that is??? Who knows.

Why does Ricky hate me so much like he comes for me in every game we play together, I just don't know what I did to him to make him hate me so much. 

A.T. told me that Mark should go home because we should vote a villain out, but i dont 100% agree with it. Now apparently votes are going for Madison which I 200% don't agree with because apparently Ricky wants her out. Idk who to vote for at this point but it sure as hell isn't for Madison. I might need to vote Mark but I'll still be upset if he leaves. Who else is gonna call me Mami?

So apparently AT is a rat? And so is stoner? And mark could be going home? Like what the hell is happening. I really need Madison or AT to go home and it ain’t fair I don’t get my way all the time ugh! I am perfect! 

Positives I won immunity I'm at least tying my worst placement, hopefully beating it I had a really good hiding spot Negatives: An ally is leaving tonight I have no traction in this game Getting out of double digits is gonna be nearly impossible I spent an entire day of my life defending a fucking hiding spot I'm sad like all the time Why am i here

This week has been fucking crazy. Dan is the only one that know that I TOLD MARK THATVHE WAS BEING TARGETED. And my final goal was to save Madison and mark and I think that me and dan and Chelsea actually pulled it off. I am SO BERVOUS for this vote. This has been one of the most hectic survivor days I have ever had ever. 

Whewwwwww so I survived blind week and timbo is goooooone! He was mad on his way out talking about big moves and stuff gfhgjgjbjh so immunity happened and drew got it which leaves me in a panic bc I feel like vulnerable and obvs my name was brought up but now everything is getting messy and I might be fine after all????? So initially I wanted to go for one of the heroes but then AT came to me and was like we should vote mark instead and I'm like wow he's really goin after his own ppl,?!?! So like Chelsea got wind of this plan and told mark about it which makes me wonder if they are close or if Chelsea wants the villains to self destruct ???? Either way it could keep me safe so idc!!!!!! So like Madison's name has also been brought up but I think with the two boys targeting each other she may be safe too, which sucks bc fuck the heroes but oh well. Anyway in conclusion this tribal is gonna be messy and idk what will happen cyrhdjfgg like my biggest fear rn is that the heroes are tricking both sides of the villains in order for us to split and then they have majority and vote for like me or smth idk if that's even viable at this point but I'm worrying anyway dhdjdjndjd I think my best bet may be with voting for mark but we'll see how it goes 

This week has been fucking crazy. Dan is the only one that know that I TOLD MARK THATVHE WAS BEING TARGETED. And my final goal was to save Madison and mark and I think that me and dan and Chelsea actually pulled it off. I am SO BERVOUS for this vote. This has been one of the most hectic survivor days I have ever had ever. 

okay so i has the hiding spot first bc i saw the rule where if you had it for an hour then like u win. So i was like okay y’all like I’m about to pop off and win this thing. Then the rule got changed  and I was like oop and pmed drew telling him to take it and he could have it LMAO. I didn’t tell anyone that tho bc I don’t want people to think I’m working w him. I wanna trust drew so badly but i know how smart he is and how he can snap crackle and pop my neck in a sec. so i ended up sleeping really good bc i didn’t care about the challenge bc i don’t think I’m in any real danger. In order to win this game tho i need to make some power moves. I really want to separate myself from mark even tho we have f2 but like i wanna be f2 with Dan or like Tracey or something. Or Charlotte/pippa. I just know that mark has a target on his back and i could potentially get one on mine by association. I have barely talked to any of the heroes so i gotta up my social game. Also AT has annoyed me a lot and I have my little alliance the suggestion of voting him out and they legit just turned it down. UMM NO YALL, I’ve been through this before and I’m not going through another alliance where what i day doesn’t matter. By the end of the night I’ll get what i want. That put up a red flag for me bc it shows that the alliance isn’t really like showing thought about my plan and that madison should go home tonight. I low key didn’t care much for madison and the start bc like we don’t talk but i want to work with her and like pat more. Umm i think that’s all that has happened but I’ve heard several names(Madison/Mark/Dan/AT/Tracey) as long as it ain’t me I’m good HOLLA.

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol andrew? ANDREW? fucking andrew tried to get me out. my goodness what a terrific joke that was. The second he brought my name up every hero came to me and told me. the best part is im not close with any of them other than pat lol. then he tried to be cute on call and i shut that down too. imagine how embarrasing that mustve been. so confident on call for absolutely nothing. the only thing that might come back at me on that vote was when i told madison that stoner targetted her last round LOL he def didnt do that but im a fucking villain for a reason so yolo. anyways the foursome of me sammy charlotte and ricky is like well known now but im p sure pat and chelsea want me to stick around and work with me. eventually well have to cut ricky so that way me and sammy dont look so suspicious. im gonna try and fade into the background for a couple rounds but that wont happen. if it were up to me the next three votes would be dan drew and then stoner. dan and drew are just such challenge beasts and it breaks up the alliance of chelsea pat dan and madison and stoner is just a flake and does whatever he wants which is scary.  ok im bored of typing bye