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lokislittlesigyn · 3 years

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// loki spoilers

This is basically a huge infodump on my thoughts about the first episode, because I doubt y’all want to sift through my trauma-ridden ramblings. I’ll make another post for the rest. This is just everything not related to the IW stuff/my reaction to that. It’s general thoughts, theories, musings.

1. When Loki gets first taken into the TVA. Is that Peggy Carter in the background? Others have suggested it might be. What would that mean??? Will we see the TVA fix the mess the Russos made with Steve/Peggy (not likely) or is it just a lookalike? Who knows..

2. A skrull at the main intake desk! Idk not super relevant just interesting!

3. I’m kind of glad they changed the... uncomfortable scene... with the robot burning his clothes off. He gets more time to react to seeing the machine itself, and he seems more shocked (”Now.. H-hang on just a minute.”) than angry (”Now hang on just a minute!”) i still feel.. horrible for him, i’m glad nobody Saw him and that the machine didn’t grab the clothes off, but still. Ehhh.. uncomfortable.

He is beautiful though, don’t get me wrong - I’d just prefer a shirtless Loki scene where he wants to be shirtless? let him do what he wants with his body?? he’s probably felt so out of control of his body, from being jotun to falling through space that any invasion of privacy like that hits extra deep...

That being said, I recognize the utility of the scene for the narrative - his lack of control, his literally being stripped of what he was before.

4. WHO IS THE MAN WITH THE CAT. What is his name. I love that he has a mug with his cat on it. But I want to know more. Who is he?

4.1 WHY DIDNT YOU LET LOKI PET THE CAT Please,,, I am begging you,,, let loki pet the cat and have something react kindly to him and purr all happily at his scratching behind their ears plea s e

5. The info sheet. Now this is just a little nitpicky tidbit, but in a previous promo they listed Loki’s height as 6′4 ft and weight as 525 lbs. This is taken directly from the comics if I’m not mistaken. However, in the actual show he’s listed as 6′2 (Tom’s height and Loki’s presumed height) but I don’t remember if his weight is the same. Is Loki 6′2? 6′4? please let me know i want to know how smol i am in comparison

6. His little aggressive shaking of the ticket at the guard makes me giggle each time.

7. The fact the turnstile hits so low on him reminds me,, I am short compared to him. Those things hit my stomach/waist. That one hit his legs. I am once again asking Loki to pick me up.

8. The cartoon with Miss Minutes introducing the TVA is wonderful, I love the art style especially. But it raises questions about Variants... I guess Variants can just, pop out of nowhere? Any action could be the wrong one? And then once you commit the wrong action you either get returned or pruned? Yikes??? And THIS ties into another thing later!

9. The trial scene. I have a hunch - a feeling, a suspicion. That one of three things may be true.

A. The Time-Keepers never actually existed. They’re fabricated, and now whoever runs the TVA is actually using the excuse of “The Time-Keepers decree it so!!!” to carry out whatever They think is right. The fact we haven’t seen the Time-Keepers makes me.. suspicious...

B. The Time-Keepers existed, but they have since passed on, however that may have happened. Now someone is doing the same as above, using the excuse of the Time-Keepers apparent dictations to run things.

C. The Time-Keepers do exist, and do run the timeline/TVA, but maybe they’re not infallible? Maybe the TVA info video is lying or incomplete in some way? Idk I just feel like, something about the TVA and how they run things has to be wrong. It has to? Something is off. Again, this will tie into another thought later...

I have no idea if any of these are actually true! But Loki’s questions of “Who’s in charge here? What do they do? What do you do?” punctuated by laughter leads me to believe he’s suspecting something too, or perhaps just trying to figure this mess out.

10. Seiðr/Magic. We see in this scene, Loki’s magic (”powers”) don’t work in the TVA. (and a quick side note, did he have to Flex like that? do you have to make me see Loki’s bare arms Flex like that? be still my heart. anyway please get that collar off of him and let him rest for five minutes) This makes me wonder.. Why isn’t Loki in his Jotun form? His pale skin and blue eyes are decided by magic, are they not? I suppose this is 2012, so perhaps Odin’s magic is keeping Loki looking like that. But if magic doesn’t work in the TVA, why would his spell reach so far? Clearly Loki’s magic isn’t what’s doing it. How is Loki not appearing as a Jotun? Is his Jotun form repressed - is pale skin his default now, rather than something hidden by magic? I need answers!

11. he sounds so scared about being “reset” please dont hurt him,,

12. cALLING LOKI A PUSSYCAT? (lokitty confirmed) I think Mobius was goading him (Mobius strikes me.. As extremely clever. He’s trying to push Loki’s buttons to see who he’s dealing with. At least, I hope so. Because if he really meant that “You were born to cause pain and suffering and death... All so that others can achieve the best versions of themselves.” and that line about killing Frigga??? No no no he is not guilty. He had no way of knowing what would happen. It wasn’t right to send Algrim up to Asgard (i think algrim wouldve found the way up anyway) but there was no intent to hurt Frigga. I really hope you’re trying to goad him, Mobius, because if you believe that I trust you much less. anyway i digress) but wow is he pushing Loki’s buttons a lot. I can’t... Blame him entirely, I understand he’s trying to make sure Loki’s on his side, maybe I’m just too soft for Loki idk. But some of that was very cruel to say. /:

12.1 AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT MOBIUS. That scene with the girl in the church?? Did that little girl kill the men? Is that young Sylvie? Or is she using an illusion to make herself look young and innocent? What’s going on!!!!

13. LOKI SNATCHING THE LITTLE TIME-TWISTER DEVICE AND STOWING IT IN HIS POCKET.... POCKET....... sorry sometimes i get so caught up about loki that i just say random words in between little noises and squeals,,, i am a silly thing

14. CASEY. CASEY??? That whole exchange is funny. Poor Loki, just trying to intimidate this guy so he can escape but - Casey doesn’t know what a fish is. to be fair.... thor doesn’t seem to know what a raccoon is... right?

15. That bit with the infinity stones is kind of funny until you realize

A. Natasha died for a paperweight

B. Tony died from paperweights

C. Loki was tortured for paperweights

D. Oh, and Gamora died for a paperweight too. And Vision. Need I go on?

Then it becomes less of exclusively “haha funny” and now it’s a mix of funny and pain and gosh, is that a good way to sum up being a Marvel/Loki fan sometimes...

16. Loki gazing at the timeline all “Is this the most powerful thing in the universe?” or something, i’m sorry i don’t remember exactly... made me think of a meme and i shall make it presently.

17. I love that Loki got to see examples of how his family loves him but the fact he’s all “I can’t go back.” really just breaks me. It’s like he can finally see they love him after all of this mess, and now he doesn’t have the chance. Please, please let him be happy. Give him some relief. This is the Loki that just came off finding out about being Jotun, falling from the Bifrost, encountering Thanos, attacking Earth, facing defeat, and now he’s being thrashed around in this wild place and has just found out he inadvertently caused Frigga’s death (he did not kill her: his actions, by mistake, lead to her murder, let me be very clear) AND Odin will die AND all the rest... And he wants to be with them.

18. Loki’s reaction to Thor suggesting the hug makes me soft. Please I want to hug this little mischief man so so so bad-

19. Skipping over the iw parts! That’s for another post because this one will be grossly long anyway.

20. “I don’t enjoy hurting people.” and “It's part of the illusion. It's the cruel, elaborate trick conjured by the weak to inspire fear. A desperate play for control.” was all so, so validating. I’ve been trying to argue on Loki’s behalf for almost a solid decade. Seeing the show recognize that Loki’s not all just violence and hurting for “fun”, that he’s not unhinged and bloodthirsty.. Is so nice. It’s just so, so comforting. and it gives me hope for future episodes that they won’t go the route of “oh haha loki bullied and mistreated and stabbed thor for years!!! :)” loki cries during basically every fight with Thor and you want me to believe he stabs Thor for fun? absolutely not.

21. Theory.. Just another hunch.. So we know a fugitive variant, aka Loki, is running amok. Refer back to 8 and 9.C. What if the Time-Keepers never actually fixed the timeline into a single timeline? What if there are other timelines, and these different Loki variants have hopped over to the current one? Or, maybe the Time-Keepers did fix the timeline into a single one, and these Lokis are remnants from that huge time-war at the beginning? Time runs differently in relative spaces, they may have Just Left that war from their perspective!

I say Lokis and not Loki because we’re pretty sure there’s Female/Lady Loki, Old Man/King Loki, and possibly Young/Kid Loki. That’s at least three. From the peeks of Asgard and NYC we’ve seen from the trailers, I think we’re also getting an Asgardian King!Loki and Midgardian King/Vote!Loki. (unless our dearest variant is hopping into timelines and situating into them, but I doubt Mobius would let that happen..?) That’s five.

To further support this, keep in mind, I believe recently six (i think 6 regular and 6 rare...) different funko pops were announced for the series? I’m not sure if they’re in addition to the Loki and Mobius already released. If they are, there’s enough room for each Loki and maybe a TVA agent. One of the pops is supposed to have a buddy/companion I think? Maybe they’re making the cat guy into one, or maybe there’s something else (Throg, anyone?).

22. That is totally Lady Loki/Sylvie at the end by the way. Has to be. But why does she want the reset devices? Why did she snatch that TVA Hunter? Again, WHAT’S GOING ON

ANYWAY this was a very long post if you made it this far, I commend you.

#no proofread only post #long posts about loki #loki #loki series #loki spoilers #sigyn says WORDS #SPOILER HEAVY

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isazulabaeorwhat · 4 years

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Different anon here but bruh c'mon... abuse is the behaviours and actions of a person not the intention of their actions. It doesnt matter if Azula was tryna be nice and friendly to Mai and Ty Lee, what matters is that she used fear and control to coerce Mai and Ty Lee to do her bidding (like you said) and that is abuse. Doesnt matter why. The army doesnt do this, theres consent and agreement. Pls dont be an abuse apologist... I like your blog :(. I want azula redemption but not like thisss :(.

The definition of abuse (noun):

1. the improper use of something.

2. cruel and violent treatment of a person or animal.

3. (More in-depth) interactions in which one person behaves in a cruel, violent, demeaning, or invasive manner toward another person or an animal. The term most commonly implies physical mistreatment but also encompasses sexual and psychological (emotional) mistreatment.

And then the psychological definition for abusive behavior:

1. Emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person. In general, a relationship is emotionally abusive when there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviors that wear down a person's self-esteem and undermine their mental health.

And this is from ReachOut.com:

“If you feel scared or confused around your partner, or doubt yourself when you’re talking with them, you may be experiencing emotional abuse. An emotional abuser’s goal is to undermine another person’s feelings of self-worth and independence. In an emotionally abusive relationship, you may feel that there is no way out or that without your partner you’ll have nothing. Emotional abuse is a form of domestic and family violence.”

The intention of the abuser and how it affects the victim is relevant. The actions that the previous anon you’re referring to can all be displayed by any person at any time whenever they’re angry or just petty, but the triggers of it widely differs from abusers. People say mean things or blame you when they explode under a lot of stress. An abuser doesn’t need to be under even any stress do this to you. They’ll just destroy your self-esteem whenever you show even a hint of independence. They want control over you. If you think that anyone who has ever been mean to you is abusive, then that means literally everyone in the world is abusive. People aren’t saints. We are all mostly driven by our emotions. The difference between us and abusers is, they aren’t. They’re driven by narcissism and logic instead of their emotions. Whatever works best solely only for their own happiness, they’ll do it because they don’t care about ethics. They basically live only in a ‘ME’ world. And just because abusers are often victims themselves, doesn’t mean they’ve never felt or known what a healthy relationship. They know what a healthy relationship is. They just don’t care.

Now, the abuse in the army. Abuse doesn’t care about consent. Not everything is about consent. You can give your consent to be treated like shit and that’ll still mean that you’re treated like shit and the person who treated you like shit should still be held accountable. The most common abuse in the army is verbal abuse. Definition of verbal abuse: the act of forcefully criticizing, insulting, or denouncing another person.

Examples of sergeants in the army verbally abusing their soldiers is when they call them maggots, scream at them and throw degaratory insults. Technically that is abusive on paper. But in real life with context, that is acceptable behavior and is called Discipline instead because first and foremost, the intention is different. Sergeants verbally abuse their soldiers to train their mental fortitude and to be able to cope under stressful situations. If you mess up during battle, you’re gonna get yourself killed and you’re gonna get your comrades killed. No one will take your bullshit if their life is on the line. If they can’t handle being screamed at while performing a simple task, then how do you expect them to follow even the most basic command while being SHOT at? How do you expect them to not reveal any intel to the enemy when tortured? All soldiers are trained to obey, and this is a fundamental part of being a soldier. Second, drill sergeants do not select who to treat this way. This is how sergeants treat everyone. It becomes abusive when that sergeant does it exclusively to only some people instead of the entire batch for absolutely no reason. If you compare a 21st century war to the Vietnam War or the World Wars or any other war before the 21st, you’ll see that it was actually more ‘abusive’ back then because of forced conscription which made recruits unwilling to fight, hence their superiors being more brutal. Nonetheless, conscription was necessary because of the advantage that manpower gives.

If we only see fear and control as the main indicators of abuse, then that becomes extremely flawed because then everything that pertains to discipline would mean that the whole system is abusive. The army would be abusive, the asian culture of discipline would be abusive, lol you can even call the criminal justice system to be abusive at this point. Context is necessary to put a label on something. Otherwise you’ll be calling someone worse than they actually are.

Azula treated Mai and Ty Lee the same way she treated her soldiers, using fear and control. When she was making a speech in the first episode, that was all fear and control— When she threatened her captain to continue on their journey, that was fear and control, same as how she threatened Ty Lee when she declined her request to assist her. In both of these times, she abused her power as Princess of the Fire Nation because she was doing those things in service of her nation. When she was OFF DUTY, we did not even see a single moment of abusive or disciplinarian behavior from her because in Book 3, none of them were soldiers and their mission was over. They were simply children of the nobility/royalty following their family’s wishes which was to have proper conduct and not dishonor the family.

HOWEVER, despite fear and control being required in war for everything to go as planned and efficiently, that does not mean that it makes it okay, hence why it should still be labelled as toxic. When someone is being treated like a property for their own personal gain, that is abuse. When someone is being treated like shit for that someone’s own good, that is toxic. The military culture can be seen as abusive if you compare it to society norms, but the thing is that soldiers are trained to incapacitate the enemy in the first place, and prepared to kill if needs be. And there is nothing normal about that. At best the military culture is toxic, but really that’s irrelevant at this stage because of the shootings.

What makes Azula toxic is how she prioritized the mission’s success over her friends welfare despite them having not been enlisted in the military (so they had the right to decline), thinking she knows what’s better for Ty Lee because she believed she was wasting her time in the circus, and then abusing her power to make them obey her. On paper her actions sound abusive, but when given war context, it really isn’t. That was how wars were won. By using fear and control to cultivate motivation. This is generally part of almost every Asian culture, hence the discipline. It’s also noteworthy to consider that the Fire Nation is based on Imperial Japan (and they were terrifyingly loyal and strict). Being abusive implies not caring about the person’s needs and happiness. There is no culture or family or group that can function under abuse because of this. None, but what Azula did is what most have done in the Fire Nation, and she behaved like an ordinary friend when she was off duty. The truth is that being a leader of a military and being a Princess during war is an occupational hazard. The control and fear that she used against her soldiers was also carried onto her friends when she was recruiting them.

And again, it’s canon that Azula did feel remorse and guilt for using fear to control her friends. Her hallucination of Ursa was the manifestation of her guilt, hence why ‘Ursa’ confronted her about her use of fear and control towards everyone. An abusive person doesn’t feel remorse for their actions which is why they’ll just do it again, unlike Azula who actually did feel remorse. That’s also why she acknowledged that she was a monster in The Beach, because she knows that using fear and control makes her horrible, but she still does it anyway because that’s the only security she believes she has. She didn’t use fear to control just her friends, but literally everyone. Abusers will constantly deny and deny confrontations about their abuse and gaslight their victims. Azula literally did the opposite of an abuser.

You cannot and should not separate abusive behavior from an abuser. If that person is abusive, that means they’re an abuser. Abuse is not normal, and you should not normalize it. That’s why being able to differentiate toxicity from abuse is important. In general, you shouldn’t have to put up with all that negative energy so it’s better if you just break off contact with both of these people, but abusers are more dangerous than toxic people. At the very least, toxic people at least will have the willingness to change (this requires you to be really thick skinned and patient if you want to be that toxic person’s therapist yourself), unlike abusers. Toxic people are just stubborn and petty, but they’re not deluded with themselves like abusers. Abusers don’t and rarely rarely ever change. The chances of an abuser ever changing is honestly extremely low because they rarely ever go to therapy themselves since they think they’re the ones in the right.

Things you go for therapy for are things that can be changed because either they realized that their behavior is potentially life threatening to their own, or it hinders them from doing everyday task, or it’s threatening to those around them. But again, like I said, abusers don’t just ‘realize’ that they’re abusive. If they’re confronted about their behavior, they will justify it in ways that will make you doubt yourself and think badly of yourself for making them ‘look’ bad. An abuser HAS a choice, just like murderers and rapists do. And yes, I do hold abusers to the similar lowest caliber of a human being as those criminals because they violate a person’s mental health. Abuse can lead to trauma and sometimes even PTSD, and that often is the case because that is how dangerous an abuser is.

An abuser, abusive person, whatever you want to call them is killing you mentally and emotionally, and you won’t even be aware of it till you’re so far in because you’ve been thinking that was normal behavior. And even if you have identified that your partner is abusive, at this point, you will return to their side several times because you believe that they just need to apologize and it’s all good or just go to therapy which is VERY UNLIKELY to happen or succeed. Very few abusers ever go to therapy and it can take months to years for them to even be remotely trustworthy to never be abusive again.

I’m not condoning abuse, nor am I an abuse apologist. I think it’s been pretty obvious that I loathe abusers. Right now, YOU are actually being the abuse apologist by supporting Azula DESPITE claiming her to be abusive. I want Azula to have a redemption arc too, but NOT if she’s abusive. Abusers don’t deserve a second chance just like Ozai doesn’t. If you still believe that Azula is abusive yet still deserves a redemption, then I don’t see why the same thing can’t be done for Ozai who is a model citizen of abusiveness 101 because since he just had a terrible childhood like his children, he shouldn’t be left out .-.

If you say that Azula is abusive, you are saying that Azula has been relentlessly destroying literally everyones’s self esteem, undermining them, gaslighting, denies that she’s a horrible person, blames everyone for every bad thing that happened to her, feels no remorse for her treatment of her friends, and literally does not care about anyone but herself. In which case, if you support an abusive character, be it fictional or real person, would be extremely harmful and it gives a terrible message to victims of abuse and encourage the behavior of abusers.

The victim of abuse or a third party shouldn’t decide whether the abuser deserves redemption. And it’s definitely not the victim’s responsibility to ‘help’ their abuser get better. That is entirely up to the abuser themselves IF they ever want to change and seek professional help which as you’ve seen in the present ATLAverse, does not exist because those with mental disorders are just sent to mental asylums and locked up in straitjackets with no actual chance of recovery.

Conclusion: If you say that Azula is actually abusive and still think there’s a chance for her, that will never happen because ATLA is not advanced enough yet to understand psychology, much less mental disorders. If you say that Azula is actually abusive and Ty Lee is the one who can help her because she can provide the love and security that Azula has never received, again, wrong and DEFINITELY a terrible message to send.

If you say that Azula is actually abusive, please please please stop liking her because that is disturbing and just so wrong on so many levels. It is WRONG to like an abusive character. It is WRONG to think there’s anything good, admirable or redeemable about an abusive person.

Just.

No.

Not everyone deserves redemption or forgiveness.

#avatar the last airbender #azula #abuse #this will be my last response to this issue #cuz we’re just going around in circles now #i just pray that none of you condone abusers #or at least will stop

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fluxedbuds · 4 years

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can you go off about lalnable

ugly bitch idiot becomes a serial killer instead of going to therapy

But seriously, my take with Lalnable has always been more on the ‘fuck this guy’ side than the ‘poor sympathetic monster’ side. I don’t like seeing this guy woobified, especially because it tends to go some really concerning directions. I won’t get into it, because that’d be like slapping a label that says ‘come have discourse at me’ on my face, but let it be known, this guy ain’t got any excuses.

I’m not touching Lalnable’s potential childhood, because THATS a whole mess with no canon answer, but I do think he started out as pretty much a regular Lalna. Keep in mind, even the nicest, softest Lalna, FB Lalna, thought it was completely fine to repeatedly dunk a live bird in molten metal, because it didn’t die. And I think it’s pretty much still the state he’s in when he gets hired into Yoglabs.

Now, this is where you might start to think, ‘well gee, tumblr user Fluxed Buds, wouldnt it be easy for Yoglabs to twist that lack of moral understanding into something worse? wouldnt it mean its not his fault?’ And you’d be like, five percent right! The thing is, though, even Bird Torturer Lalna wouldn’t be any kind of okay with the kind of shit Lalnable ends up doing- there’s no boiling the frog situation possible, because there’s NO easy transition point into being the kind of person Lalnable becomes. At least one Lalna has quit Yoglabs because it was too evil, theres no reason Lalnable wouldn’t have been able to do the same, or at Least escape somehow. What I think happened is Yoglabs provided an environment where Lalnable could get away with doing horrible things extremely personally, and Lalnable took that and RAN.

There’s no evidence that Honeydew, Xephos, or any of the testificate scientists end up doing the shit Lalnable does. This isn’t an environment that’s forcing people to become like Lalnable, it just doesn’t provide many roadblocks. So, like Xephos lying about Lalnable being a clone, he’s lying about why he got locked up. Employee death is just an inconvenience. Lalnable got locked up for disagreeing with how cloning should work. I’ve had a post about this in the works for a while, but my theory is that Lalnable thought clones should be a brainless workforce, mostly because he Absolutely Could Not Handle the idea of another him running around without being under his control. Which, yknow, isn’t super weird of a hangup, pretty much every Lalna has it, and I’d wager a lot of real people would have similar objections. The problem is, Lalnas are stubborn little fucks, and when Xephos wouldn’t listen, Lalnable went ballistic and started fucking Everything up. So, stick him in a cage, pry him for info until you don’t need him, then put him in stasis for stable DNA.

So, the one thing Lalnable is justified about is being pissed about all that, because Xephos was a jerk and betrayed him, and also fuck Yoglabs. And thats one of three times Lalnable has ever been right in his whole life!

So, yknow, once he’s out of Yoglabs, he’s super got no excuse to kill/kidnap/enslave entire towns and whatnot, so any chance of him being sympathetic is long gone. Dude’s a piece of shit and won’t wash his goddamn clothes. But he does have some interesting psychology I can pry apart at this point!

So, first off- the name and aesthetic change, the color contacts, the voice changer- He’s trying to force control over the clone situation. He knows he doesn’t have any hope of controlling his clones, so he tries to fix it for himself by trying to make it so there aren’t copies of him running around, because he’s now different from all of them. But that sort of evolves into hatred of his original self, his real voice and name and appearance. So, that’s a little sympathetic, but he could’ve decided to be like properly goth or something so I don’t feel bad for him he looks like an idiot

Lalnable doesn’t care about justifying his actions, which does mean he’s a lot more powerful than some other yogs villains. He’s got nothing holding him back, his only setbacks are directly caused by other people fucking with him. Lalnable is legitmately a scary threat! It’s easy to forget that when we get to see so much of him being a complete failure idiot, but he’s good at what he does, and what he does is crimes and evil.

He’s also excessively focused on revenge, which I think is kind of why he ends up abandoning it in the end. He was so focused on the concept that he didn’t even realize how generally impossible and ill-advised it is. Besides the obvious issues of time loops, after he creates Five, if he actually succeeded, he’d delete Five. And for once, he doesn’t Want to destroy someone. FB4 really skipped over so goddamn much of his development, and thats REALLY annoying, but it doesn’t seem like a wholly illogical endpoint. He’s kind of driven by an impossible goal- control over everything about how the world sees him. At some point, he probably realizes that destroying every single one of his clones wouldn’t bring him any more joy than just torturing the shit out of some rando! Or, at least, it’s not worth more to him than Five.

I enjoy the Lalnable-Five father daughter dynamic a lot (because it’s literally canon Lalnable says he’s her father dont TRY me), but it takes a while to really get to that point. When he first makes Five, he’s making her like any other clone he’d make for spying. She’s just another tool, a frail attempt to steal Nano from a clone who doesn’t deserve to know her.

Oh yeah, the second thing Lalnable has ever been right about! He seriously thinks Nano is cool as FUCK. Which she is! It’s not a romantic interest for sure, I’m pretty sure Lalnable hasn’t thought about romance in like 10 years, it’s more of a fascination. I don’t think he’s really interested in friendship, but he wants that kind of power on his side, he wants to see how it works, and most of all, he doesn’t want some clone getting to even be near it. Five offering the side-switch deal to Nano was something both the Baddies agreed on.

Anyways, back to Five. While she starts out as a tool, they do end up growing closer, and for once, Lalnable isn’t a total bitch idiot about it. Unfortunately, he does spend a lot of time pointing out how Five is better than Nano because he made her, and through that making Five obsessed with Staying better than Nano, because if she’s not, Lalnable might abandon her. So, he’s Dad, but he starts out as a truly awful dad that should be dropkicked. I think Five’s confusion and fear over how absolutely focused he is on destructive and impossible revenge is part of what makes him reconsider too, although I guess we’ll never know for sure. They’re both still comfortably evil as all hell, but it’s settling into a weird sort of manageable space for the buddies, and thats probably the best we’re gonna get. Lalnable has no desire to be a good person and he never will.

The last thing Lalnable is ever correct about, is loving and appreciating Five for who she is as herself.

And then he wears those sunglasses and he stops being correct for the rest of his life.

TL;DR: serial killer develops identity issues, gives daughter identity issues, trades identity issues for a second daughter and disgusting sunglasses

#theories #alt title: lalnable is a bitch and i love him so much #seriously he doesnt give a singular shit about any law or moral #dont woobify him he doesnt want it #mdl #anon

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terramythos · 5 years

Text

My thoughts on October Daye #12 “Night and Silence” oooor “Dammit, Janet!” (suggestion courtesy of @mistressofmuses ).

And with this I am officially all caught up! Well, I haven’t read all the novellas and short stories, but caught up on the main series. Now I have to wait for #13 this year like a normal person! Gah!

-So, leading off from all the horrible shit that happened last book, things aren't going.. great.

-You know that intense, extreme trauma 2 members of the main cast experienced @ the end of last book? Yeah that. Didnt go away

-There's a line about how Tybalt keeps seeing Toby as her mother Amandine... the person who kidnapped and basically tortured him last book. And he's basically terrified of shapeshifting at all and has just stayed in his humanoid form. And he's refusing help from anyone and disappearing for long stretches. And maybe going just a little bit Fuckening Crazy. G-great start, guys!

-And there's a flashback where he's just MEAN and like you can understand why but MAJOR YIKES and also pain.

Ok unexpected May feels ;-;

-Gillian Is Missing Again but I have a feeling this is not gonna be much of a retread...

-And.. boy this sure is a callback huh? May and Quentin being the found family, Gillian is missing, Tybalt is antagonistic...

-ok Jocelyn is a creepy fangirl character

-ok I'm 5 chapters in and wondering where this is going. Apparently there's Quite The Twist in this one or at least that's what I suspect is going to happen

-oooohkay they find like this weird pocket dimension with like. A miniature house that is also a chicken (and no one even mentions Baba Yaga). And idk what it is about the scene but it is fucking eerie and creepy as hell somehow.

Shade appeared in like book 6 as a Literal Cat so.. here she is showing up and being relevant for 5 minutes

-but what the FUCK is with this place. I got nothing and that exposition just raises more questions. There's no magic scent at all (except MAYBE cinammon), a bunch of rare fucking plants, and a fucking miniature baba yaga hut just wandering around

-that opens another rabbit hole because Golden Gate Park is ALSO completely unclaimed for no particular reason 🤔

This might be a waste of picture and might get deleted later but like, that's fucking creepy, right???

-god I know there HAS to be someone with cinnamon in their magical signature who we've MET but... it's been 12 books, dog. I dont fuckin remember

-The closest I can think is Simon with "mulled cider" because that's cinnamony... BUT it's pretty unlikely he did this, and that part of his magical signature is PRE corruption and we have the corrupted version running around.

-We just found a SECOND creepy unexplainable house hidden in plain sight so that's starting to feel Thematic.

-And she smells the false Queen's magic in this house :) someone supposedly asleep for 100 years in Silences. So that's great.

-Aaand there's Gillain! Not even halfway through the book. Way too easy.

-It's not Gillian. It's a Baoban Sith which is apparently *googling* a.. vampire. Ok

-My crack theory is pretty much dead in the water lol

There's more than this bit but ;---; fuck dude

-But yeah! After a book and a half of hiatus, Tybalt's back! A little.. broken and suffering from severe PTSD, but you know.

-They go to Goldengreen based on a hint and Marcia is there baking cinnamon rolls. It really stresses the fact that she's making cinnamon rolls.

UM.

-.... holy shit.

-Ok. Ok ok. Assuming that's the truth that means Amandine's mother was.. a human? Making her a fucking CHANGELING Firstborn? What the fuuuuuck

-Oh that is fucking hysterical with what a fucking blood purist Amandine is. She looks down upon changelings and the beast races SO MUCH. Janet implies Amandine has no idea her mother was human, or at least never knew Janet. I'd bet she figured out she was part human because the Dochas Sidhe's whole deal is messing with one's heritage for fun results. Gosh. Hmm.

-And this mirrors everyone hiding October's heritage from her BEAUTIFULLY.

-I don't remember quite when "Miranda" was introduced but it was pretty early on. And now that I think of it there was NO REASON for her to fucking exist! What the fuck! The story would have made just as much sense with Cliff being a single dad raising Gillian. Miranda was just an antagonistic extra detail who didn’t... really do much. God damn it.

-Cliff “accidentally” marrying Toby's maternal grandmother who is somehow Human and also like, alive, in order to help raise Toby's daughter is. Fucking Something, huh.

Oh lore??? (Oberon, King of Faerie, kinda a nice guy it turns out, accidentally knocks up a human. Uh... whoops?)

-Fuck dude, that was the blood memory flashback we had in book 9. The Luidaeg begging her mom not to leave on The Ride. Oof.

-So Janet is, yes indeed human and YES INDEED Toby’s grandmother. She’s cursed with immortality because of all that shit she pulled.

-And BOY does that lore regarding Janet make the whole "Amandine was doted on and given everything she ever asked for" make sense cause... THAT'S WHAT THEY DID WITH HUMANS. And here we have a fucking FIRSTBORN born from a fucking HUMAN. Gosh. Jeez.

-and Katy pointed out to me that that's a big book 3 reference because Toby's family holds her down when THEY try to remove her from Blind Michael's version of the Ride, and SHE wildly shapeshifts through dozens of forms.It was a Tam Lin retelling only I don’t think I ever expected the actual thing to be relevant.

-And FUCK Evening/Eira, by the way. I think that goes without saying at this point.

-So is Blind Michael's Ride supposed to be a replacement of the old one? 500 years ago the fae used The Ride to sacrifice a human every 7 years--until Tam Lin and Janet fucked it up. Fast forward to the present and we had Blind Michael showing up every couple years stealing children for what HE called The Ride.

-soooo Toby killing Blind Michael might have not been a great thing if you follow that line of reasoning. I mean, he was a fucking monster, BUT... Because The Ride is supposedly to maintain balance, hence the sacrifices. Whatever the fuck that ultimately means. And by stopping it...

-Add that on to all the stuff last book about how Blind Michael wasn't always such a shitty person, and... uh hmmm.

-OK this part might be a stretch but: the Dochas Sidhe are the only descendants we know of that are just... one hundred percent descended from one of the Three. The human part is largely irrelevant in fae terms. They’re directly Oberon’s, not some mix of Maeve/Oberon or Titania/Oberon. Would that mean Oberon is actually Dochas Sidhe? He did, after all, create the hope chests, and the Dochas Sidhe are literally living, breathing hope chests. IDK MAN.

Tybalt, PLEASE.

-So it is, predictably, the false Queen behind this whole situation, helped by Jocelyn. And I just FUCKING REMEMBERED that it was that dickbag Dugan who had cinnamon in his magical signature .-.

-The Baoban Sith just be like "yeah sorry about almost eating you I uh straight up hadn't eaten in 40 years lol. Anyway I'm Kennis, what's up?"

OH FUCK! I FUCKING *CALLED* THIS SHIT OUT IN BOOK SIX! I remember it being mentioned offhand as something that could happen. I fucking KNEW we were going to turn a character into a Selkie for plot reasons. But I gotta say I didn't expect it to be Gillian!

FUCK DUDE ;___; in this house we stan The Luidaeg. Best character. I'm not crying. (I am.)

-She has a line a few pages later about anxiety and catastrophic thinking, and how what you THINK will happen is never as bad as what actually happens. She compares it to "chasing the tide" and honestly that's such a useful metaphor, as someone often caught in that trap...

-They take down Dugan, yay, he was a loose end. He's not DEAD, but.. This is another one where the villain felt pretty secondary to the big plot revelations.

-And Tybalt stepped down (temporarily) as King. Jolgeir's daughter is apparently going to temporarily take things over so I expect we will be introduced to her later??

---

-And, like the last few books, theres a novella epilogue at the end. This one is "Suffer a Sea-Change" and looks to be from Gillian's perspective.

-ok so Gillian has this whole scene where she TALKS to Firtha (whose skin she's wearing now) and I can't help but wonder if all selkies have this weird scene with the Roane whose skin they inherit when they ascend or whatever?

-The Answer Is "No", The Story Explicitly Says

-Gillian is honestly pretty funny. She's up to here with this bullshit.

-The Luidaeg would like to remind everyone that she’s nice to October and Quentin but she’s not actually all that nice to most other people and Definitely Has Her Own Agenda. Although she seems to have taken in Poppy as an apprentice of sorts so... *vague shrugging*

-And The Luidaeg speaking fondly about her "little brother Michael" who liked interior decorating despite being entirely blind. This is my uncomfortable face based on all my Analysis earlier.

-So Gillian is a Selkie now! That's not a twist I expected. And the next book (not out until September) is about The Luidaeg finally calling in their debts. So uh. That was one hell of a way to make the stakes personal on that.

-Im probably gonna make a master post overview of the series now that I read the whole thing in relatively short order. I'm glad I'll have a chance to read other books, but I'm anxious for the next one too based on the recent developments...

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fairycosmos · 5 years

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So im going to be doing psychiatric inpatient tomorrow and im horribly frightened. My s.o. and friends want me to go, but the idea of being trapped without home comforts and the people I love scares me so much Ive considered running away from the hospital or convincing them I dont need it. I know that my depression and psychosis is getting worse and I probably need the help, but im upset that the people I care about would rather send me away than just, be supportive. Any advice?

hey love. well first of all i just want to say that i’m really fucking proud of you for reaching out in the first place. that’s literally a monumental step to take, and it requires unbelievable strength, which you obviously have. honestly, i think that you’re allowed to be scared. you’re completely allowed to not want to go, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. fear of the unknown, of change, of talking about what’s going on in your head, of not being around your family - those are all stressful experiences, and terror is a natural human reaction to them. you dont have to push it away, you’re not wrong for feeling it. it would be weird if you weren’t afraid, actually, especially at this point. it’s alright to just process it, and to work through it one hour at a time. or one minute at a time, if an hour seems like too much. but it’s not alright to let these emotions control you completely, or to let them blind you, or to cope with them in an unhealthy way. that’s the distinguishing line - it’s the difference between having a thought, and actually acting on it. the truth is, you don’t know what it’s going to be like. when you’re overly anxious, your mind kind of convinces you that negative thoughts are 100% true, but that’s not the case. your worries are not premonitions. the future doesn’t even exist yet, it’s not something that is currently in your control. while the hospital will probably be sad and uncomfortable, it’s likely that it will also be relieving and peaceful. you have to take the good with the bad, and let that be enough. think of the worst case scenario, and the best case scenario, and prepare yourself for it turning out to be somewhere in the middle, in actuality. it’s wonderful that you can recognize that you actually do need help. the level of self awareness you have could save your life. that’s a tangible fact that you can hold on to. when your brain tries to tell you that you dont need to talk to anyone, or when the anxiety takes over, you can always ground yourself in reality. and the reality of it is that you’re not well. but support is available, and your current situation is not where you’ll always be. you’re not alone. there’s no shame in needing treatment, you know? your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and sometimes it needs intense care in order to improve, just like any other bodily ailment. please, please try to constantly bring your mindset back to looking after yourself. please try to keep that your top priority, even when you don’t feel capable, even when you’re afraid. you’re not going to regret doing what’s right for you, ever. it sounds cliche, and it sounds like bullshit, and maybe it’ll take a while before you actually believe me but eventually, you will. seeking professional guidance and truly looking into your options will allow you to figure out the root causes of your mental illness, which will then allow you to finally confront them adequately. having someone to talk to consistently, working closely with people that are trained specifically to help you, figuring out your own self destructive patterns and then actively working on refuting them - all of that will add up. every single effort you make is going to pay off. your future self is going to thank you.

i know it may seem like the people that care about you are just ‘sending you away’, and i can certainly see why your mind would want you to believe that. but i really do think that they think that putting you in hospital is going to help you more than it will hurt you. they want you to be safe and healthy so that they can spend more time with you in the future, and so you dont have to live with all of the pain and heaviness that you’ve been living with so far. a depressive brain will ALWAYS make it look like everyone is sick of you, or like nobody understands, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. of course, i dont know what the dynamic is like with your family, but i’m certain that there are at least some people in your life that are genuinely doing this with good intentions. i’m not saying you shouldn’t feel the way you do, because i can 100% understand why you perceive the situation like that, i’m just saying there is more than one side to it. it’s not as black and white as just wanting to ‘send you away’, you know? in addition, you’ll be amazed at your own ability to adapt and to grow and to improve. if you’re honest with the professionals, and if you’re willing to just give it a go, then that’s what matters the most. the simple act of trying is more than good enough, man. not having home comforts, and not seeing your family as much will obviously be very upsetting. that’s to be expected, therefore it’s something you can prepare yourself for. something you can work through. you can come to terms with it at your own pace, in your own way. you will learn how to handle it because you have the tools to do so, and that’s really all you need. running away from the hospital wont change anything, and convincing people that you’re okay when you’re not could have disastrous consequences, and is also rather unlikely. it’s clear that the best choice you can make at this moment in time is to put yourself first utterly and completely. even before your own fear. it’s a lot easier said than done, i know. and since it’s the day before you have to go, this is the worst it’s going to be in terms of how scared you are. but you dont want to look back in a few months or a few years and regret not grabbing the opportunity to get help when it was right in front of you. and that fact is far more important than any temporary emotional turmoil that you’re dealing with. it may help to talk to your parents or a family member/friend about how you’re feeling tonight, so that you dont need to carry the worry all on your own.

again, i’m extremely proud of you. and i think you’re going to do so so well. you just need to give yourself a fair chance, that’s all. this process isn’t supposed to be easy or comforting, especially not at first, but it’s also not going to be anywhere near as bad as you think it’s going to be. i’m sorry angel, i get that it’s difficult, and i wish there was something i could actually do for you. but i’m rooting for you so so much. you’re strong, capable, worthy and loved. and you’re a good person. even if you cant see it at the moment. your happiness and mental well being is so important. the hospital stay isn’t going to last forever, but what you learn there might. i’m sending you all of the love in my heart. i seriously hope you’re able to find the peace that you deserve. i’ll keep you in my thoughts. i’m always here if you need a friend, or if you want to talk about it properly. hit me up any time.

#anon

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curly-q-reviews · 5 years

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FLIX FROM THE NET

Bird Box, 2018 (dir. Susanne Bier)

SPOILER WARNING THERE WILL BE SPOILERS DONT READ IF U HAVENT SEEN IT YET AND WANT TO

[TW: SUICIDE, MURDER, VIOLENCE, BLOOD, GORE]

well fuck its been a while!! happy new year y’all hope u had a Fun and Safe time!!! i for one was at a party where we started playing Shrek at exactly 10:39 PM to see if Smash Mouth’s hit song I’m a Believer started playing right at midnight and to my utter disbelief and elation it did!!! move over times square ball drop a new arbitrary way of celebrating the start of a new calendar year is here and it involves a large green monster with a scottish accent who really loves his onions (#me am i right ladies)

WELL ANYWAY heres a fun new series ive been thinking of starting cause ya girl watches a lot of netflix movies and has many opinions about them. i think i’ll do a separate post about the whole Netflix Original Film trend in general and how its changed the film industry at a later date but since i just watched the above movie not too long ago i wanted to get all my thoughts out there right fuckin now!!

netflix is without a doubt the OG king of streaming services, they were really the first to get the ball rolling and then dozens of other companies scrambled to latch onto this money train while it was rolling on the tracks full steam (or should i say.... stream EL;KGHS;EKFSH; please end me) ahead. it started out as a rental subscription service where u could pick out three movies at a time to rent and then they were sent to u in the mail (like blockbuster but now you never have to leave your house ever again to get that sweet sweet rental content). and then the decision was made to actually start online streaming, no physical DVD’s required! ISNT TECHNOLOGY GREAT

well whoooo boy this shit swept the nation, people couldnt get enough of such a convenient and relatively affordable service and netflix started really raking in the dough. and at some point they got rich enough to say “hey fuck it!!! lets make our own movies baby!!!!” and here we are now with Netflix Original Movies and TV Shows, which means a new player has entered the movie game in a very novel and innovative way. why pay money for a movie ticket and leave your house to go to a theater when cool new movies are being released on a subscription service u already own to watch movies you already know and enjoy? and then u can sit butt-ass naked in ur bedroom alone stuffing ur face with cheese puffs like an insatiable cheddar beast and see something new and fun and interesting

ok so. Bird Box. here we have a movie based off of a book (so i guess this also counts as a Book Movies review but I DIGRESS) starring hollywood powerhouse sandra bullock, featuring Supreme Lesbian Overlord Sarah Paulson and Resident Crazy Old Man John Malkovich, directed by a relatively unknown but competent female filmmaker Susanne Bier (who also directed Things We Lost in the Fire in 2007, a moving drama starring Halle Berry). this one definitely has a lot of proimse compared to what netflix has offered so far in terms of their original movies (im gonna get into Dumplin’ at a later date cause jesus christ what a mess) and i went in with pretty high expectations

did it deliver??? well uuhhhh yeah sort of i guess!! we got some pretty strong performances from our leading lady bullock who really does deliver it every time, a few strong supporting roles like newcomer Trevante Rhodes of Moonlight fame (his energy on screen is just so compelling and soothing), not overly obnoxious child actors which is really all u can ask for, and overall a solid story.

now heres where i gotta say that i couldnt help comparing this film to another movie of its kind, directed by the notorious M. Night Shyamalan. y’all remember The Happening? cause i remember The Happening. i remember that it was total shit and that the twist was that it was the fucking plants making everyone kill themselves. the PLANTS. and i also remember mark wahlbergs dumb-ass confused face that he used in every single shot no matter the context, im AMAZED i remember zoe deschanel in this movie cause she may as well have been one of the killer plants with how little she emoted, and i remember mark wahlberg yelling at a fake office ficus and apparently i was supposed to be scared while watching this clusterfuck.

the way that this movie was described to me by friends who had seen it before me was basically that Bird Box is a slightly better The Happening, and no truer words have ever been spoken. we basically have the same premise going on here: unknown force is causing people to off themselves, our lead(s) have to try and find a way to escape this unknown force without even knowing what it really is, and theres some sort of “sanctuary” they gotta try and get to (which is a common plot point in really all apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic films). now whereas The Happening’s rules for this scenario make entirely no fucking sense (how in the fuck are u supposed to be able to out-run WIND???), Bird Box has some rules for dealing with this Unknown Thing that make slightly more sense. when u open ur eyes while outside, the chance of the Thing making u kill urself in some horrific way is extremely high, so wear a blindfold when ur outside and keep all windows covered when ur inside. makes sense! thats something i can believe and get behind which makes me more immersed in the story!

unfortunately like The Happening there are still some little things that kinda dont make much sense and take u out of it. apparently some people when they see this unknown entity dont wanna die, but instead find it absolutely beautiful, which makes them want to make everyone else look at it to see how beautiful it is. and its insinuated that these people are mentally ill or have some sort of psychiatric issue. i get that this adds more stakes to the situation and ups the ante, but it doesnt really sit well with me that once again, mentally ill people are the villains in a horror-type story. and i also dont really understand why theyd then wanna go around and make other people see the thing?? unless the thing has them in a mind-control state or something and is making them do its bidding but that seems kind of a weird thing for an all-powerful evil formless entity to do.

and that leads me to the next issue i have with Bird Box. if ur gonna have an apocalyptic scenario where people do something as serious as kill themselves due to an unknown cause, it almost seems a little cliche and cheesy to have it be some sort of mythical celestial god-like or demon-like entity thats doing the damage. i actually really liked where The Happening was going with its source of all the chaos being something naturally made, like the Earth deploying some sort of self-preservation mechanism or something. the idea of that to me is actually loads more frightening than some invisible boogeyman that u cant look at. and then Shamalamadingdong had to go and make it stupid by saying that it was fucking plants trying to kill people by releasing pheromones or some shit. like why cant we have the best of both of these?? something naturally-occuring that maybe has even happened before in the planets history (maybe it wasnt a meteor that killed off the dinosaurs after all??), that isnt FUCKING PLANTS, and that doesnt do cheesy shit like make ur eyes turn grey and bloodshot and like whisper to u telling u to take ur blindfold off (i swear that happens multiple times it was pretty silly)

thats another thing, this movie’s tone is all over the place. there are some moments where a more light-hearted tone is needed to break up the tension, for sure, but it almost as if the writing and dialogue werent really taking this serious of a story as seriously as they should have. weirdly placed jokes are all over the place, there were some moments where the dialogue made me cringe cause it was so awkward. bullock’s character gets to have some good breakdown moments which help bring the tone to the level of somberness and despair it should be at, but all the other supporting characters dont really get the same space to process whats happening to them, so it kinda comes off like they arent really affected by, say, their wife throwing herself into a burning car right in front of their very eyes.

overall i’d still say this is a worthwhile watch, especially considering its a netflix movie. if you’ve ever wanted to see a not-as-horrible version of The Happening that has some deeper metaphorical stuff going on about motherhood and family and shit than this is for you. the production value is overall pretty solid (though when it comes to cinematography i actually prefer The Happening from an artistic standpoint) and sandra bullock knocks it out of the park. go check it out if this seems like something thats up ur alley!!

ok bye for now hopefully it doesnt take me six months to write another review but we’ll see!! my brain is a mystery and time is an illusion HAPPY 20-BI-TEEN Y’ALL

#curly q reviews #bird box #netflix #book movies #flix from the net #the happening #m night shyamalan #sandra bullock #sarah paulson #john malkovich #trevante rhodes #horror #thriller #movies #films #netflix original movies

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nainz717-blog · 5 years

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11/11 GIF Review: Suno Chanda

REWRITING THIS FOR THE SECOND TIME. Hi Guys! Long time no see, literally forgot the password to the forum some time ago and just really didn't have a reason to post anything. But I promised a friend and here I am. And since forum gave me a hard time, decided to open a tumblr and post it here! Lets see if this works!! Creds to Mina Birdie for helping me with layout questions!

When Abhi broke Pragya's fast during Karwa-chauth:

So the "OMG YES" Naina loved it. She was all about this! I have been wanting to see possessive, "she's mine" Abhi since Drunk Abhigya at Puliyah's engagment way back in 2014 when they were chotay motay bachay! You know, when he ridiculed her at every point in time? When he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her? When he had tried to minimize her rituals, including their first karwachauth and couldn't see beyond the materialistic things he thought he wanted. When he took forever in realizing theres more to her than just "Chashmish?" YEARS Later, we're seeing that same Abhi run around frantically trying to find a pot to fill water with so that he can make it in time for Pragz to see him first right after the chaand comes out so that he can break her fast and they can be bounded together religiously for saath janam.

HECK YEAH.

That really happened. HOW EPIC. The guy who didn't believe in God, the guy who thought rituals were a joke, the guy who didn't think these things could ever create an everbinding relationship is now HANGING ON DESPERATELY at all of these rituals for a chance to have any remaining bits of a relationship with Pragz. Y TO THE ES. Whether that be when he feels estatic after he accidentally fills her parting with sindoor, when he gets sad seeing Pragz buy an mangalsutra in Kings name at the jewelry shop, when he doesn't break Tanu's fast, when he doesn't put an mangalsutra on Tanu in front even as a show. He does another head bump cause Daasi had said bumping your head twice is auspicious! He's become as SANSKAARI as PRAGZ-BABY!!!

But then I realized alls not well:

Here comes the catch. SO in his mind, he fully thinks without a doubt that Pragya is married to King and has been for the last seven years. And even if he thinks there are residual feelings Pragz may have for him, she seems content with King and was fasting for him. And remember, this is the girl that was with Abhi through thick and thin and never gave up on him regardless of any poor choices and decisions he made....and yet after her surviving through the revenge part of the marriage, tolerating tanu as the constant third wheel in their relationship, being kidnapped countless times just for being Abhi's wife, losing a sister in the middle of this, having to re-develop feelings in Abhi's heart when he lost his memory and she was politely "kicked out" of the house, being doubted upon her intentions during many phases in the marriage...and yet she stuck by him rock solid. And yet after everything, she was still kicked out by Abhi in less than one minute and was never searched for for seven years. Can you imagine her going through that pregnancy alone? Where did she go after leaving his house? How did she manage to find shelter? When did she find out she was pregnant? Was her delivery normal or did she deliver early out of stress?

Do you see what I mean? She's gone through A LOT of struggles because of him but when she needed him most...he wasn't there. So for him to be possessive after seven years of not being there for her and wanting to have every right for the night when he thinks King took good care of her (and Im guessing he did for Pragz and Kiara to admire him so much)...its like, do you really have any right to be possessive? Yes, sure because I'm a hardcore Abhigya shipper, yes you do. But really, does a guy who kicked out his EXTREMELY understanding wife seven years ago and married her biggest enemy get to have any rights on her seven years later? Um...you can answer that for me.

When Aliyah and King show up on screen together:

Okay I get it, she's evil and he's pretty much a saint right now, why ship them and make his life miserable? But GUYS. Hear me out. At the end of the day, I think Aliyah is redeemable versus Tanu. Yes she hates Pragya, but there have been many moments in the show where you realize she cares about the Mehra family, in particular Abhi. She does get hurt when she sees them physically hurt. She has blasted Tanu in the past for dangerous tricks shes had up her sleeve. And it does kinda make me sad that seven years later, Aalu is still hung up on PURAB FOR WHO KNOWS WHAT REASON? Let him go babe, even the face has changed now (Arjit to Vin). Like come on writers, why can't we have Aalu move on when it comes to Purab and bring in a love angle for her? Because the Aalu-Purab-Disha-Bulbul triangle is static as it can be!

And here's why King would be great for her. Meet Aliyah, a girl who loves Abhi her bhai but dislikes Pragya. Meet King, a guy who admires Pragya fully but isn't a particular fan of Abhi. He's like the Raghav from Mina's fics He's the PERFECT balance for her! See, I dont want to see Aalu die at the end. I hope she does get redeemed and can be shown accepting Abhigya, because I don't want Abhi to lose another family member in the process of Abhigya uniting. Which for all of you who ship King and Pragya, I get it BUT IT AIN'T HAPPENING. And I would much rather see King as a supportive best friend 'til the end then a psychotic lover who now also hates Pragz. Because I really love the King-Pragz dosti so lets not ruin it. Lets find Aalu someone who give the wittiest replies to her sarcastic dialogues, who will not tolerate her cunning plans, who can put up with her negativity and someone who admires Pragya so that Aalu can start seeing the other edge of the sword.

Plus, Shikha and Mishal might look smoking on screen I'm ALL FOR THIS SHIP.

What Purab has been doing this fall season:

Not sure if its because Vin has been busy personally? But someones gotta give him something to do. He's becoming another wax statue in the back like Tau-ji and I'm already upset Raj became one, lets not let Purab become the third in line. Theres so much potential for him. Lets show him a different story line? Lets show how him and Disha are not getting along about something. Lets show him wanting to catch up on seven years with Pragya di. Lets show him trying to show Abhi what a TERRIBLE decision it is to keep Tanu in the house, regardless of whether he gets Pragz in the end or not. Writer-ji? Please kuch karein.

When kicking out Tanu from the house and his life is not the first option:

Maaf kiya Abhi threw Pragz out. Maaf kiya he didn't try finding her for seven years. Maaf kiya he pretended he didn't love her in front of his family all these years. My problem forever and always with Abhi has been, and this is more of a writer issue, that he can never be shown single. If he doesn't have Pragz with him, in some way or another he has Tanu by him.

Now disclaimer: I have no real issues with Leena being on the show all these four years. At some point in time I realized Tanu would be part of this show til the end and I'm not saying remove her from the show. I get from Tanu's point of view, that she's a desperate soul-less creature who doesn't see that there is no chance she's ending up with Abhi. For her, she's gonna keep trying in one way or another regardless of how many times she fails. But wait..why would she stop trying when Abhi does give her a chance every single time? Not that I'm Tanu, but if I wanna keep trying for the impossible and it does become possible for short periods of time MANY TIMES, um yes I'm going to keep trying! Problem isn't with Tanu? Problem is with Abhi. He GIVES her a chance. He knows she purposely created misunderstandings between him and Pragya constantly throughout the past, he knows shes capable of hurting people in order to obtain him, he knows she's tried failing the brakes and murdering Pragz in order to get our out of her way, he knows she's evil. And yet, when Pragz was kicked out, for some reason or another, he had "NO CHOICE" but to marry Tanu. Are you even serious.

The choice is not to marry anyone. Marry a turtle but don't marry her. Marry a poster of Madhuri Dixit but don't marry her. Marry your first cousin but don't marry her. Marry your clingy Meethu but don't marry her. Marry PURAB BUT DONT MARRY HER.

Or you know. Dont marry at all. That IS AN OPTION, Abhi. Staying single is a solid option, you know. And lets say Pragz is happily married with King for the past seven years and theres no chance of getting back together with her at least in this janam.

You'll just passively live your life with Tanu because Pragz isn't available? And how are you going to win her back with a horrible wife at the side? KICK HER OUT!! THAT IS ALWAYS THE WAY TO GO!

When Pragz shows sass and attitude post-leap:

I have full on been enjoying the Abhigya scenes. Every single one of them!! And while i do have some complaints with Abhi post-leap (okay many complaints), you do get to see the happiness that lights within him when she's around. In filmy terms, Abhi has everything- glam, lifestyle, respect, paisa, gaari, ghar, maal waal , ghar baar....but he doesn't have anyone who loves him for Abhishek Mehra. She's the girl in all these years that didn't give a fudge that he was Abhi the Rockstar, looked past every single flaw that he presented to her, and loved him for the child-like Abhishek Mehra thats buried within him. And for him, getting that kind of love...is rare. She wasn't in it for the money, she was in it for him. And you can see that even amongst the whole family, when she's not around, he's lonely. So I definitely feel for him and like that he's finally getting his Fuggi doses...he just need to make a few obvious decisions and then I'm sold on him.

But Pragz has been FIRE! She's not the same Pragz from seven years ago. This Pragz gives sassy replies. This Pragz shows anger and is not afraid to vocalize it. This Pragz isn't afraid to remind Abhi of the biggest mistake of throwing her out. This Pragz is no longer interested in EXPRESSING her love for him! Yes, of course, we know she's still totally latoo-fied by him. And sighhh. What can I say? The heart wants what it wants. But she's almost accepted that they're not going to end up together, for their own sakes and Kiara's sakes. And she's almost content with whatever little they have now. THIS IS DIFFERENT PRAGZ!! She's no longer running behind Abhi trying to gain his love. Its almost the other way around! She's the "girl that got away" and he's trying to win back anything he can with her! HOW FREAKING AWESOME. I love this dynamic where she's no longer running after him and its him trying to win her back.

The only complaint I have with Pragz-is not telling King who Abhi and Kiara are. Would make her life simpler. I do not advocate telling Abhi about Kiara though. Not when we all know he's capable of making the worst decisions and allows creatures like Tanu to swarm around him and create dangerous settings at all points in time. Yes, no thank you please. I would also prioritize my kid over telling the passive father just for the sakes of him knowing.

Okay lastly, can we take a minute to appreciate this:

THIS GIRL IS GETTING YOUNGER AND YOUNGER BY THE DAY!!!! DREAM GIRL IN EVERY ESSENCE! I know we like to point out days when the outfits are not par excellence. But then lets also appreciate the days when Tripti has gone beyond expectations! Everything about this is love!!! Also love how Srit's been incorporating some "raised eyebrows" and "suppressed smiles" and "biting lips" as new flirty connotations. LOVE LOVE.

Until next time, Cheers! -Naina

#kumkumbhagya pragyamehra pragyaarora abhishekmehra kkb abhigya

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lavasplashin · 6 years

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thoughtts on fullmetal alchemiste

ty cuzz!!!

god where to start um

The manga’s fucking perfect and I really wish more would be serialized as monthly 60-page chapters because reading that while it was coming out was infinitely more satisfying than ~19 pages a week!!!!! And it gives the creators so much more time to achieve what they need to!!

Story-wise I fell head over heals in love with it in 8th grade and it will always be one of the best stories I’ve ever read. If someone hasn’t gotten the chance to check it out yet….. im sorry i dont care who you are, If you like stories at all this one is a MUST. YOU GOTTA!!!! And most likely the manga is the best way to absorb it?? And Arakawa’s art is incredible like ofc.

And then theres the animes!!!!! which i got a LOTTA OPINIONS ON

For simplicity i’m gonna refer to the original anime as just “TOA” for simplicity.

first i’ll say, anybody who ever tells you that brotherhood is 100% better than TOA is a bastard. A foolish bastard.

Someone might think this is my nostalgia speaking but even recent first time watchers have agreed with me here:

First, Al’s dub voice is great in brotherhood but he’s my actual fucking son in TOA.

But more importantly:

The entire set up arc (like half of TOA/maybe 13 eps of brotherhood) is SIGNIFICANTLY better in TOA. There were serious pros and cons to the weird timing of TOA and the manga coming out simultaneously!!

The cons are pretty well-known. The anime caught up too fast and had to finish the story entirely differently than the manga (I’ll talk about that in a sec).

The pros re: following the manga storyline!! are that it had the chance to take it’s time on every introduction. We get to know each character in depth before things Really start to pop off and it’s done brilliantly, because they didn’t even know what was to come at that point, and they sure were not in a rush to get there.

The earlier parts of FMA are what have made it so iconic. The story of Al and Ed and their mother, every military character’s intro and Nina, Hughes, etc etc all made FMA what it was. Then the later parts just put all of the beautiful set up into motion & eventual collision.

This is why I highly recommend that people watch the first 20 or so episodes of TOA, and then start watching brotherhood from the SECOND episode or a little bit after that. Mostly BECAUSE ep 1 is just bad (most of all because it has a major spoiler IN ONE OF THE FIRST SHOTS that was never intended to be given away like that oh my god). But also because it’s good to see the difference in the other episodes, and since they are extremely concise it doesn’t take long to get through them at all. And then!!! you can just watch the rest of Brotherhood.

Anyway. That is a really strange way to do it that no one else has the energy for probably but I’ve been taking this route with my roommate who has never seen it!! and it has been really really good so far. I do gotta say this probably wont work if you havent watched it and you dont have anyone watching it with you that’s already seen it. That would probably be rather confusing so… might have to throw this theory out otherwise. i dont know i dont know…

Sorry that was a confusing explanation, but the point is, manga plot: first 20ish eps of TOA good, ep 8 or so on of brotherhood good.

The simplest option might be to just watch all of TOA and then Brotherhood if youre willing and want both stories?

TOA still has an interesting story that I enjoyed before I read the manga, but I gotta admit it’s not nearly as extravagant or impressive. I do still own conqueror of shambala on dvd though and i will never get rid of it.

If anyone is curious, my experience was TOA+shambala in 2007/8 (mostly dub) –> the manga until it ended –> kinda spiteful abt brotherhood because people shit talked TOA –> binged brotherhood (dub) in like 2014 and realized i was horribly wrong and that it was fucking beautiful save for the beginning.

I’m sure other people had great experiences however they first consumed the story, but tbh i cant imagine any other way because there are so many weird differences between all 3!!

Regarding the actual story of FMA, I cant say much of anything. It’s quite actually perfect and people really just gotta read/watch it and have their own experience with that.

Personal favorite characters: Alphonse (HAVE seriously considered naming a child after him… dont @ me), Ling yao (my old url was lingaring specifically because i love him so fucking much it hurts dude), Envy (not as much until i watched brotherhood for some reason?? brotherhood just made me fall in love with him as a character and he might be my actual fav character arc), and wow every single god damn female character. Like. damb. Maria, Olivier, Winry, Riza, Izumi like. holy shit. thanks Arakawa for my life.ANYWAY this got really long so I’m gonna stop while it’s an ok place to stop.

I could talk about specifics in the story a lot more but I will save that for another day.

#forgive my sentence structure but i couldnt spend too goddamn long on this i got other shit to do rip #fma #jotarora #imtalkin #thanks for reading my essay lol

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anarchy-in-the-pre-k · 3 years

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absolutely pissed at a few friends i know dont go on tumblr.

dont know anyone to talk to bc im down to two friends in my life so unless i want to lose them too then i guess i just have to scream into the void of anonymous blogging. ive had an crazy pathological FOMO for almost as long as i can remember. ive felt like an old old man since i was 15. all i can think about every day of my goddamn life is the passing of time and how my youth has been wasted in circumstances/a time and place where theres no cool counterculture/art for art’s sake/anything meaningful and social. im 20 now and ive been feeling like my best years are behind me for years. college is a nightmare. ive lost every friend ive had except for two and im not even entirely sure why. nobody wants to do anything. there are old friends in town, im always surrounded by old friends, but none of them leave the house. i dont want to live in a world where the only people in my life are friends from high school who blow me off every night for their millionth round of league of legends and my genuinely insane alcoholic dad who just goes on crazy rants that make me want to kill hiim and then myself. this is a crazy way to live. i cant move out. even if i could, id be miserable having a landlord/being a wage slave again. my god, all i want is the barest amount of social interaction that doesnt make me want to die. i cant believe ive never been to a crazy party, that almost all the friends ive ever had never wanted to do anything but sit around and play video games.

but onto what’s bothering me today. met up with the two friends i have left. known them for a while but we didnt use to be as close. they’re the closest to “interesting” or countercultural/artistic friends ive ever had, but they see all of that as mostly behind them. im incredibly resentful of not being “let in” on some of the more crazy times they had when we were growing up, but i can usually manage those feelings. today, they were just reminiscing about this secret spot in the woods they used to have wild parties at during high school. the way they described it made it seem like every stupid youthful experience that i’ve ever wanted. huge gatherings getting broken up by cops, a small pond for diving in from a gigantic vandalized cliff. glow sticks tied in trees for when it gets dark. ive known about this place forever, and ive always asked everyone to show it to me. i asked for years and years and years and nobody took the fucking 2 hours out of their lives to satisfy my curiosity. now i just have to sit there and listen to them talk about it like its the greatest thing that ever happened to them, so many life-changing experiences. so many true and completely authentic celebrations of being young and irresponsible. everything i always wanted, i begged them over and over to show me when we were all younger and they never found the time. now, they just talk about it, and i sit there, visually super uncomfortable, i tell them im annoyed that they never got around to taking me there- they dont take criticism well at all. they try to be polite, but they just want me to quit complaining. after the most hyperbolic shit you can imagine coming out of their mouths about this glorious place that shaped their young lives, i immediately hear a “oh, you wouldnt have liked it anyway, logan” just to shut me up. i didnt say anything to them for the rest of the day.

I know how crazy I sound, I dont care. I know there’s something wrong with me in the way i glorify those kinds of memories, how badly i want times like that to come back, but they know that about me too, and it was almost as if that whole conversation was designed specifically to torture me. it was like they took my deep-rooted, extremely sensitive pathological FOMO and said absolutely every combination of words that would set it off. i felt like some kind of incredibly cruel joke was being played on me at certain points. they went on for like 20 minutes. i think im really getting sick of this friend group, but if idecide to take a break from them, then ill be down to 0 friends. 0 friends and my only human interaction will be with my insane, narcissistic, racist, violent dad, who’s just looking for an excuse to kick me out of the house anyway.

I hate the kind of person i am now. I hate having this much hate in me. I know that absolutely nothing in this environment is doing any favors for me mentally, but i cant think of anything else to do. I say that now, even as I type it, I dont feel any better. there is nothing cathartic about this. I can say it over and over again “I dont know what to do now” but that doesnt change the fact that when im done making this post, i will have to keep living this. i have no power to change my life. there are no new friends to be had. i dont know how to meet women beyond dating apps, and staying on them makes me miserable. i have no other relatives to complain about my dad to. i have no other friends i can complain about these two to. all i do is list my problems in my head with nothing productive to be done even after identifying my problems. I know that so much of it is “just me”, but my environment is forcing all the worst parts of me to come out over and over. im horribly, incredibly lonely, but i hate everyone i come to interact with. i dont know if theres any hope for it to ever be otherwise for me. i thought i would use isolation, especially during quarantine, to make some money and prove my worth to myself as an artist. ive had my stories published bought by a few magazines now and i still feel horribly empty. i feel too world weary to even imagine myself having a positive relationship/friendship with anyone ever again. im just so tired of every single person that i meet. im tired of everyone, and the most amount of pleasure afforded to me is sitcom reruns and fast food. the safest, most conformist material pleasures that there are. i hate my own melodrama, i hate that i care this much about small thinngs, i hate that theres something so deeply wrong with my psyche that im this crazed by the mention of a punk hangout spot that nobody ever showed me when i was younger, but i am going to live the rest of my life resenting that everyone around me only wanted to game, and nobody ever wanted to go to the shady/weird spots of the woods with me. how can i have missed my chance to childishly self indulgence, only to come out a whining adolescent still? how can i still be such a kid while missing what it felt like to be a kid? i dont know. ive always felt this way, but its only been especially bad for the last 3ish years. if it keeps going like this i dont know what ill do. again, no catharsis. again, there is nothing healing about my writing this. life sucks at every moment and then, somehow, i decide to keep living. im going to build a ted shed soon i think

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extradan · 6 years

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Hey I like your art a ton and I was wondering just how long you have been drawing and working to improve as an artist.

Oh my gosh haha thank you so much for liking my art!

I have been drawing for the longest time, I think ever since kindergarten, well at least the artistic dedication!

I used to draw my when i was in middle school, starting from fourth grade i have been drawing more and more frequently until fifth grade in which I was drawing on a daily base, back then I would also be sitting and making animations on flash, which unfortunately I dont have backups of

but from middle school, up to high school 2012, my art never improved, it was just all the same all the time, I was back then on ritalin and I decided to start my first pony blog, while updating my blog, I couldnt consider yet Tumblr being part of the effective social websites that I go on as nobody was following me and I had no one to intreact with back, tumblr would be the thing i would check once every few days, it was nothing to me but a mere another google plus, until i was sponsored by catfood-mcfly back when he was running the Herpy Derpy blog, and thats where I got recognized and I was determined to continue my activity on tumblr as an ask blog, and I have gotten to become more interactive with people, being inspired by the many of the art I have been seeing from following other people, I would adopt and experiment with what I saw mostly shines through their art, and 2012 was the year I have made the biggest change in my art throughout the months, whitin 6-8 months I have improved by a ton! tumblr was a very resourceful to the evolution of my art! and I also made so many friends and I have as well learned to become a better person! I am a better person of who I used to be in the past, and i am still improving! there are still a lot of things I need to work about myself as a person!

Also stepping out of drawing in flash and starting doing my stuff in sai was revolutionary to my art, flash back then wasnt recognized fully as an animators program by macromedia and neither by adobe, as they saw it an all purpose program for making goptimized ames and ads, only until all browsers and webpages grew out of flash and flash officially was blocked by all browsers since you could have implanted malicious codes into flash files, only then flash recognized as an art and animation tool for creators.

So moving to sai allowed me to build sketches and bodies easily and paint and yadda yadda and it was all great and helped boosting my art upwards

Flash limited my improvement as I wasnt drawing sketches on flash since you couldnt just lower the opacity of the layer you drew the sketch on, you would have to go through several actions to achieve that, but you would be lowering the opacity of your selected drawing and not the layer, I couldnt also paint on flash and flash ever since the stone age had those horrible vector tools that SUCKED DICK unless you do stretching and smoothing and fixing, in my opinion at least, they did improve the vector system a bit BUT IT STILL SUCKS, i prefer bitmap brushes more, which why I prefer Toon Boom harmony as a program for animators.

If you have been back in the days, you could have watched me go through a several phases! like drawing like atryl, raikissu’s shading and coloring styles, florecentmoo’s shading techniques and eye pupil style, and I uhh.. dont remember the rest, but theres have been a lot of artists out there whom I adopted artistic traits like:

theflyingtacoz, kittentoots(drunk fluttershy), w300, Santi, belaboy, dr idiot, inzergue (big impact on my current style), David (the guy who now works on mighty magiswords along with kyle), fungasm, colorlesscupcake (known as caek now), ahappypichu (a pretty powerful current impact on how i paint my art today), uhh, also “pinkie in private” which, to this day, drawing the way the draw the cheek for their characters, and some other artists I that I couldnt come up in my mind but I did adapt a trait or two from.

My current big inspirations are artists who work on OK KO and as fake as it might sound, my own fiance! yes!! they have been an inspiration for me for quite a while even back at 2012, but to how I viewed it, I never really dared to adopt anything from them because I was so out of their league, and my art was still shaping and i already had ideas that I wouldnt think would work if i mixed some of their’s, but now that my art have been developed and has a solid state of how it looks, they inspire me so much!!

Drawing ponies was probably the best practice I have ever had that thanks to that I have pushed so far in the art that I do, ponies are so simplified!! and easy to draw! it allowed me to produce more and that means that it allowed me to experience differently with each time!

It helped me improve with a lot of stuff like gesture, facial and painting and other other minor stuff! drawing ponies was such a booster seat for me!

But unfortunately, from drawing ponies alot you wont learn how to draw humans, which understanding muscle, action line, figure and bones is so crucial for drawing, anything really! understanding how the body works is extremely fundamental and its there for you to know how to manipulate the drawings your making, of any specie, its not there to just teach you how to draw the anatomy of the human body, that will only serve as a plus.

I have learned a lot from ponies but how bodies work and draw clothes lmafo, to this day I cant draw clothes for days

in 2014 I ordered a really good book and I have polished my anatomy and human drawing skills, I yet dont know some stuff because i stopped practicing because of varios reason like relationship, access and physical health.

In the begging of the year I acquired a cintiq and it been nothing but dreadful to me, but im using it because i spent.. so much money on it.. and i have been so concerned about bringing it to my home country as well.. but it has the adventage of a screen so...

its just, I dont have a low enough desktop or high enough chair to draw on it, its always above my shoulder no matter the angle and it puts so much weight on my shoulders, the thing is heavy too so its not something you could lean on your legs while you draw, neither it is portable, it made work much more harder and difficult and I wasnt drawing as frequesnt because my time wasnt so so enjoyable, my 2015 as well become a dreadful year to me and I was feeling guilty and shitty everyday, and it was my fault because it was all my doing and i let myself feel that way, and I had barely the stamina to work on my art ever over the year, I also lost my passion and motivation to draw and basically it dragged also to 2016, I drew a few commissions but I didnt produce much art neither, then I flew over the united states and I didnt have acess to drawing for 4 months as i was away from my equipment, my fiance had the equipment, but that means that I would have to use their computer for all the dedicated hours I use to work on my art and they would have nothing but a mere phone to entertain themselves, also our time togehter was really precious and every minute counted, so we rathered having fun other than doing work work work

2017 came and I still had the sense of drawing lost in me, I would draw whenever i would have a piece of paper available to me since I find fun in that, since im comfortable and cozy and i dont have to concentrate the entirety of my body weight on my hand and arm as i draw, but I would never draw on the cintiq unless its a miracle or if had a crazy comic idea in mind that i had and MUST HAD executed, i almost didnt draw anything in 2017, and neither in this year but the ok ko drawing i have recently created, but I found a new comfortable focus and its doing 3d, I am using my mouse to do everything and i dont have to feel my horrible chair scraping againt my butt like sandpaper, and I dont to feel like my shoulders are about to give up, I did try Tam’s 13hd and it was so much more comfortable and nice to draw on as i could put it on the bed or on my legs, but I cant afford another expensive piece of equipment, especially not in this generation of technology, wacom fucking sucks but no other brand is willing to be their competitive because tablet is not the purchase the average person would make.

Another reason why I have been so held on drawing and using the cintiq, which was probably the most major thing was it’s total, hot flaming shitty garbage diarrhea poopy stank abysmal horrible disgusting nasty dumbass smelly drivers which made every chance i had to draw a miss because i would battle myself from 30 minutes to over a hour fixing my tablet to draw a single thing, and its been like that every time i would turn my cintiq on! the situation was severe and everytime i would find a solution, it would be later suppressed, it was so harsh that i had a few months in which nothing I would do would make the drivers function, i was basically tabletless, so many, and a lot of opportunities for me to create a piece of drawing was flushed in the toilet with the rest, and so it was a deeper burden on my passion, determination and motivation to draw.

But yeah, now im doing 3d and it feels like a fresh hobby to me since I felt that im not going anywhere in and with my art (even though I yet have to learn how to draw bodies better, let alone drawing limbs, feet and CLOTHES!!)

and now the future has yet to be revealed!

#kawaii-corvid

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wiccanscauldron · 6 years

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My job sucks and i have to quit

Sorry for the rant but i feel like i have to say this and i know my bosses wont listen.

I work at a dog daycare/ hotel. In theory its the best job ever and at first it was. However, as time went on I realized its a nightmare

Ill use different names to protect their identities but well call my supervisor lizzy. And the two girls who got promoted to shift leads rebecca and candice.

Lizzy is the lowest on the platform of managers. She’s considered a manager but doesnt make big decisions for the business like the managers do. Shes called a manager but shes just a supervisor.

Rebecca use to be nice when i was in training and candice always appeared to be timid/ laid back.

The owner recently gave people promotions and raises or bonuses and once rebecca and candice got their promotions they changed. Rebecca is now snarky and questions me 24/7. Candice is now bossy and always points out shit for me to do (even though we have the same job, hers just now includes a possibility of longer hours and a more flexible schedule).

Last Wednesday i went inside to do some cleaning (we always have a cleaning list) and Rebecca questioned why i wanted to clean. I told her its a part of my job and since there were 3 other people in the yard, it shouldnt be a problem for me to go clean something (it was an extremely slow day, dogs were all sunbathing and sleeping). Not 10 minutes later candice comes in telling me i have to go back outside because its too crazy out there and they need my help. So i go back out. Within a minute of being out there Rebecca says “im going to take my ten minute break.” When she comes back i go for a “bathroom break.” I check the cleaning list and the bitch did everything. THEY TOOK ME OUT OF DOING MY JOB SO THEY COULD GET TO IT FIRST.

A couple weeks ago i was on a closing shift with lizzy and i was going through the unwritten cleaning list we had to do before we leave. we had an hour left and it was actually getting cold because i was outside spraying the yard with enzyme (stuff that takes the pee smell away and replaces it with peppermint) and i went inside and put my work jacket on and started folding laundry that had just finished. The door bell rang and the last daycare dog was picked up. So i locked up and went back to folding laundry. Lizzy comes in and says “you know you have to clean rooms before we leave right? You cant leave rooms dirty over night. What are you doing?” I explained to her that i wanted all daycare dogs to go home before cleaning or id have to clean each room individually but i was doing laundry and wanted to finish them before moving on to cleaning. She then made it seem like i was packing up and leaving and abandoning my duties and cleaned the 3 rooms herself angrily. For the next week Rebecca and candice made me go inside and clean every single room that had been slightly dirty. Im sure lizzy told them and they took it as a way to pick on me.

At my job people talk a lot about their dogs and you can bring yours in if you want. My dog passed away last year and i haven’t gotten a new dog since but i still talk about her at work when the opportunity presents itself... or i try. Lizzy and candice bring their dogs in almost always. Rebecca only brings her dogs when they need a bath. They will talk to eachother about their dogs and the adventures they go on, their quirky personalities and funny stories. They always move away from me while talking and if theres a third person they always block me from the conversation by standing in front of me. When i start talking about my old dog they talk over me and pretend i don’t exist. Most recently they talked about going on hikes. Rebecca talked about taking her dogs on a concrete path hike on a very hot day and her dogs getting severely injured. I was shocked that she would do that. Thats not only extremely irresponsible but also mean. She talked about how stupid she felt afterwards and everyone comforted her saying “its not your fault, you didnt know” which could be true but when i start talking about taking my dog on a long walk next to the beach and railroad tracks and her chasing the birds they disperse immediately and ignore me completely. That day i left the yard without saying a word and made myself look busy inside until it was time to go home.

My last straw was today. We had a puppy bowl as a fun activity tying into the superbowl. Which really just means they put tape on the yard making it look like a foot ball field, gave bandannas on dogs and let them play with football toys. Rebecca, candice and lizzy used it as an excuse to not do any work saying the puppy bowl took a lot of their attention away from their duties and got away with it. Which left me to do all the cleaning for my closing shift. I started cleaning at 4 and didnt get fully done until 9:10. My shift was supposed to end at 9. I didnt stop for a break or even water. Sounds like an exaggeration but its not. I finished the cleaning list within an hour. One thing on the cleaning list took a lot of time after the hour but i included it as part of my other duties. Before we leave we have to let the dogs go to the bathroom one last time and i was gonna use that time to clean dirty rooms (there were 15 because Rebecca, lizzy and candice didnt do anything, normally there are only 3-5) i had to clean the glass on all the doors (each room has a glass door) refill the dogs waters, clean up any mess, feed some of the dogs that arrived late for boarding, dishes (which was doubled since no one did anything today) and laundry. All of that on top of front desk asking me to get daycare dogs to give to their parents (there were about 30 dogs at the end of the day). At the end I realized i was doing everyone’s work and chances are id still get criticized for not doing a good enough job. I started getting heavy chest pains accompanied extreme feelings of dread and depression. Im the only person at my job who does their job and gives a shit about the dogs. 90% of the time i clean up after the dogs. If there is a cleaning list, im on top of it. If a dog is injured im the only one who takes care of them, im the only one who cleans off their eye boogers and makes sure the shy ones get any attention. When they start picking fights i dont yell at them and pin them down. I get them to play with someone else instead of fighting (and ive been told im too nice in the yard). I give more of a shit than anyone, im picked on repeatedly and im ignored. Only one person has noticed my hard work and when that person told others they began to ignore him too. I have done nothing to make anyone dislike me and yet i am the outcast. Is it because im the youngest there? (im 21 btw) i think it is because they fired The youngest most recently and everyone picked on her too. (She was 20) i dont think i can tell management because they ignore anything they dont want to hear and they cherish Rebecca, candice and lizzy more than anything.

So now im looking for a new job because a part time minimum wage job should not have to make you feel like youd rather die or give you horrible chest pains.

#me #rant #worst job ever

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othernecessarythings · 4 years

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back on my bullshit again

and once more!! if you happen to stumble across these posts of mine, please just ignore them.. they’re a way for me to reflect on my life (and improve my english), and while i can’t stop you from reading them, can i say that you probably wouldn’t benefit much from it lol. anyways let’s go

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

my lots of songs list: the love club-lorde, river en vacker dröm-håkan hellström, living dead-marina, why we ever-hayley williams, snälla bli min-veronica maggio, take this lonely heart-nothing but thieves

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

oof um the person who will be the love of my life? no lol but like zendaya would be pretty cool ig

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“... and the top was red-and-white striped, and it all zipped up in the front.”

4) What do you think about most?

hmm my friends maybe?

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

not that i know of

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

nah i feel some trypophobia (?spelling) sometimes but that’s it

7) What’s your religion?

i’m kinda christian, but like i choose which parts to believe in and not, like i believe in the message of doing good and love, but not like homophobia or an actual god lol

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

sitting in the sun, listening to music

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

ah probably paramore, yeah it must be them

10) What was the last lie you told?

eh kinda basic but “i’m fine” i guess

11) Do you believe in karma?

ooh that’s a questioning worth discussing, no i don’t believe in the actual the-universe-is-constantly-judging-our-actions, but like that people who do good tend to get good things back? yeah that makes sense

12) What does your URL mean?

my main (neon-places) is from perfect places by lorde, and just neon bc it sounds cool

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

oh god if i only knew,,, i really need to improve my empathy, but my systematical skills are quite good

14) Who is your celebrity crush?

hayley williams

15) How do you vent your anger?

i don’t get mad😌😌 no but like when i get irritated do i just close my door to my room and like listen to music in headphones and solve a puzzle or something lol

16) Do you have a collection of anything?

i kinda collect things that mark an important/memorable event in my life, like my first pride bracelet, my favorite jeans from when i was like 15, lots of birthday cards,, yeah it’s not so unique, but they’re important to me

17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yes!!!! me a few years ago would’ve never thought that i’d be like this now, but i’m proud of myself and what i’ve become!!

18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

fun fact i HATE sleeping to the sound of rain. it makes me really anxious,, i love the sound of waves though, or my little sisters pure laugh :,)

19) What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if i’m just faking everything, what if this is not actually me but something i put up to please others around me

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

not ghosts really, but there must be some sort of life in the whole fucking space,, while maybe not what we traditionally would categorize as “life”, must it exist something, somewhere

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

i’m in my bed so like. my nightstand to the right, my wall to the left

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?

absolutely nothing, i’m so used to the smell of my house

23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

oo idk??? i’m usually quite content with wherever we’re going, although fotografiska in stockholm was shitty though

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

oh um like tyler joseph maybe? gerard way, frank iero? yeah i’m an emo slut

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?

no don’t go there,, thereisnomeaningoflifesoitsallaboutmakingasmuchaspossibleandliveashappilyaspossiblyuntilourfleetingexistenceonthisearthisover

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

.. yeah you could say that i drove, i have a driving license after all, and i’ve never crashed but i’ve been stopped by police a few times lol

27) What was the last movie you saw?

no idea, i never watch movies... or wait!! we had legally blonde on at my friends house a few days ago when we got home from a party, i didn’t exactly watch it but it was playing

28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

i’ve had some bad allergic reactions in form of severe eczema

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

‘the devil and god are raging inside me’ by brand new, doing my makeup a special way

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yeah, that i’m gay and together with my earlier best friend (we were not)

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

not really,, i’m really fucking scared of conflicts so i simply forgive and move on, it’s easier that way

32) What is your astrological sign?

pisces baby

33) What’s the last thing you purchased?

a blue skirt second hand!! v cute

34) Love or lust?

um idk i’ve never really experienced any of them, but maybe love

35) In a relationship?

nope

36) How many relationships have you had?

a whopping amount of zero

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I DONT KNOW someone tell me please how to get someone to like me,, but like more friendship-like is it usually to always choose my words very carefully to not upset anyone, it usually gets me quite far

38) Where is your best friend?

where? i hope she’s home? well like we took the bus home together a few hours ago, so i guess she’s home

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

aha ha funny,, i was having a small mental crisis so i sat and did math (by free will, school has ended for summer) while listening to melodrama.. yes

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

i don’t know, this is so hard.. but like. no? or it wouldn’t really work to have someone like me as a close friend, i’m to introvert, i tend to surround myself with extroverts who bring me with them to do stuff

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

oh um i call 112 (the swedish 911) and make sure someone else notice the dog too and help it while i hurry to my job

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) yes, i think so. only my closest though, to give them a chance to say goodbye properly, but i wouldn’t really like other just acquaintances to reach out just bc of the circumstances

b) i try to travel as much as possible, party all i can, tell everyone i love how much they mean to me and just. live

c) of course, i would be scared to death (see what i did there) but i wouldn’t have any other choice but to fully live my last month

43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

hard times by paramore!! it always makes me want to dance

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

45) How can I win your heart?

show any whatsoever interest in me lol

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

i guess,, i’m like the opposite of insanity though, i’m constantly numb and completely lacking any creativity, so it may work the other way too

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

hmm maybe my school application? i’m so fucking happy with my choice

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

hmm nothing too special i guess, just the usual loved and missed and so

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”

like the anatomy and stuff,,, i really like biology, more than romances lol

50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

usually different shades of blue, but right now all pastel colors, especially purple

51) What is your current desktop picture?

my locked screen is two of my best friends, and my home screen is paramore ofc

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

trump would be pretty nice

53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

oh um like “name a few things you don’t like about me” or something, bc as i said, i hate conflicts

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

the ability to change the probability!!! it’s the ultimate superpower!!!

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

my tøp concert maybe? i was really euphoric then, and i haven’t really felt like that since, but i’m afraid i’ll destroy that memory if i could go back so idk

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i’ve had quite a happy life yet, there’s no big thing i’d like to erase,, no i feel like every experience in my life has leaded me to where i am today, so i wouldn’t like to erase anything

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

hmm idk maybe alex turner. idk i feel like it would be pretty nice

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

italy maybe? my friends and i planned to go there this summer before the corona hit, so i’d like to go there lol

59) Ever been on a plane?

yeah several times

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

idk idk i’m not really.. attracted to anyone rn? it’s kinda weird but there’s no one where i’m like wow this person is HOT,, nah i don’t really feel anything like that at the moment

#julias mind #just for my own sake #self development

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