#hes just filling the gaps of a real family of people who care about him of somewhere he belongs
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Boys when characters will do anything to cling onto something that is only a hollow and empty imitation of what they really want because its the only thing they have left
#yes this is about sigma again who rlse#thinking ab. the casino#hes sooooo fucking desperate he'll do anything he'll do things that cearly make him uncomfortable and unhappy for the casino#but ultimately it isnt really what he wants or needs. there isnt anything for him there#hes just filling the gaps of a real family of people who care about him of somewhere he belongs#agrhehrhjdjrhdbdh#sorry im ill#does this make sense it is very late i am tired#sigma bsd#ramblings
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An Illicit Affair
Part One: My Boyfriend's Father
Pairing: Cillian Murphy (46) x Reader (23)
Warning: Age-Gap, Taboo Relationship, Infidelity
It was 15 months ago when you first met the man who, unbeknownst to you, would eventually become the center of your disastrous life and that man was not your current boyfriend Maximilian Murphy, a twenty-two-year-old Irishman from Dublin.
You had been going out with Max for about a year when you met the man who changed everything for you and, whilst Max was almost an entire year younger than you, you had both met at London's top medical school after he had transferred from Trinity College.
Max was energetic, confident and intelligent. He was popular with the girls and, although you were drawn to him because of his sense of humor and easygoing nature, it was quite obvious to you that he was much less serious about life in general than you were.
After a year of non-serious dating, Max eventually told you that he was taking you to Dublin for his father's 46th birthday and it was then when you first laid eyes on him. Cillian Murphy, your boyfriend's father.
The name "Cillian Murphy" didn't ring any bells for you at the time as you had never seen any of his films, but now, 15 months later, you knew everything that there was to know about him due to the publicity his movie Oppenheimer had received in recent weeks.
You went to see the movie too with some friends and whilst you had broken up with Max about a year earlier, you happened to recall the weekend you shared with him and his family in Dublin.
Both Cillian and his wife Danielle made you feel welcome when you arrived with their son Max late on a Friday afternoon at their large Victorian townhouse near the coast, just outside Dublin.
The house was decorated with tasteful modern furniture and a collection of modern art hung on the walls. The living room featured large windows overlooking the sea with heavy curtains blocking the view when needed.
You spent most of Saturday relaxing by the pool with Max, swimming and sunbathing before enjoying a dinner prepared by Danielle for her husband's birthday.
As you sat down at the table, Cillian seemed distracted, and it wasn't until the second glass of wine that he asked you more about yourself and your aspirations.
"So, what do you want to specialize in?" he asked and you looked down at your plate and replied softly, "I haven't decided yet. I think I might enjoy working in pediatrics."
"Working with children can be emotionally demanding," Cillian said, "but I am sure it's incredibly rewarding," he then went on to say before acknowledging that Max had told him that you were at the top of your class.
"It sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you," he told you and your heart fluttered a bit as you heard his voice, deep and resonant, filled with warmth and confidence. It was a contrast to Max's playful teasing, something about which made you feel comfortable and safe.
Danielle, Cillian's wife, chimed in with a question for you, "What got you interested in medicine in the first place?" she asked. You paused for a moment, considering how best to explain such a complex answer.
"Well, my dad was a doctor, so healthcare was a part of our household growing up," you began thoughtfully. "But the real turning point came during high school when I visited a friend who was hospitalized with leukemia. Her doctors and nurses took such great care of her, and it really opened my eyes to the impact that medicine could have on people's lives."
Cillian nodded along, seemingly genuinely interested in your response.
"That's amazing," he murmured. "You are genuinely empathetic and that's a good trait to have, especially as a doctor," he went on to say with a smile and you couldn't help but blush slightly under his intense gaze. His piercing blue eyes seemed to look right through you, making you feel vulnerable in a way you hadn't felt before. But instead of feeling uncomfortable, you found yourself strangely drawn to him. There was something magnetic about him, something that made you want to spend more time with him despite the fact that he was twice your age.
The day after his birthday party, while you were lounging around the poolside, you couldn't help but notice Cillian looking at you intently from across the lawn. His eyes held a mysterious glint, a curiosity that seemed to grow stronger every minute.
As if sensing your presence, he approached you and started a friendly conversation. The topics ranged from movies to books, and even personal interests. It was a pleasant surprise finding out that both of you shared a love for Jazz before Max pointed out to you that Jazz music was for "old people", causing Cillian to laugh.
The sound of Cillian's laughter was soothing and comforting.
You felt butterflies in your stomach as adrenaline surged through your veins. You tried to compose yourself, focusing on the casual exchange of small talk, hoping to distract yourself from the strong attraction you felt towards your own boyfriend's father.
But no matter how hard you tried, those enchanting blue eyes kept drawing you back in. The subtle smell of his cologne lingered in the air, filling your senses with a mix of excitement and shame.
Luckily for you however, on Sunday morning, Max and you travelled back to London, leaving behind the memory of the lingering gaze that Cillian gave you as you boarded the plane while, in hindsight, you realized that Cillian's gaze did leave something behind - a seed planted between the lines of your otherwise innocent encounter.
In the months that followed, you found yourself thinking about Cillian more often than you expected and, unfortunately for Max, at the same time as fantasizing about his father, you became more and more annoyed by his immaturities.
And then, one evening, after another argument between you and Max over whether you should go clubbing or stay in and study, you finally snapped.
"This isn't working out anymore, Max," you told it him straight. "We need different things in life and we would be better off breaking up now rather than prolonging something that won't work long term," you told Max, sitting on the bed of his dorm room, causing his chin to drop.
"You don't mean it," he said, sounding shocked.
"Yes, I do," you said firmly as you looked away from him, knowing that he wouldn't understand why you couldn't go on like this.
"No, please, give me another chance. We can make this work," Max pleaded, moving closer to you, reaching out to touch your arm.
"No, Max, I've made up my mind," you said firmly, avoiding his pleading eyes.
You knew that it was only a matter of time before Max would come to terms with the truth, but you also knew that the process would be painful for both of you.
Max moved closer, grasping your hand gently. "Maybe we just need to communicate better," he suggested, his eyes full of hope. "I love you, you know. I am happy to try anything," he continued but you shook your head.
You pulled your hand away, fighting back tears. "I just... I can't anymore, Max," you whispered quietly. "We tried to make it work several times, but our expectations are quite different. I am taking university serious, but you are not. You have different interests and I think that you would be better of with someone else," you confessed, averting your gaze.
"But... but, what about the future? What about us?" Max stammered, desperation seeping into his tone. You remained silent, allowing the silence to hang heavily between you two. Finally, you took a deep breath.
"I don't want to lose you, Y/N," Max pleaded, his voice quivering. "We have been together for a year, surely we can find a way to make it work. I promise."
You shook your head sadly, unable to meet his desperate gaze.
"We are both still young and year is nothing if you are in your early twenties. I'm sorry, Max," you managed to whisper, swallowing the lump in your throat. "I think it's best if we end things here."
He let out a choked sob, his face crumpling. "Please," he implored, clutching onto your wrist. "Don't leave me like this."
But you couldn't stand it any longer, pulling your arm free. "I need space, Max," you said sharply, rising to your feet.
"I need to focus on myself and my studies right now," you told him while, deep down inside, you knew that something was missing, something was holding you back from fully committing to your relationship.
And it wasn't long before fate intervened as, just over year after your breakup with Max, you ran into Cillian again at a jazz concert in London...
Tags:
@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn
@heidimoreton @nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts
@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter
#cillian murphy#cillian murphy smut#cillian murphy x reader#cillian murphy x y/n#cillian murphy x you#cillian murphy imagine#cillian murphy fanfic#cillian murphy fanfiction
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My friends i watched love for love's sake and I swear i don't have a fckin clue where even to start.
I know a lot has been said about the show already and i know a LOT more would be said about in the future, but i just can't help adding my own two cents to one of the most thought-provoking, moving and brilliantly executed pieces of art i have ever seen.
I'm not gonna go on about just how much I loved Tae Myungha's character and how he is one of the most interesting people I've seen on screen in a long time. I'm not gonna talk about how unbelievably squishable Yeowoon is and how his duality totally ruined me that I need him to get into my pocket and NEVER leave. And oh I need him to put Myungha in his pocket while at it. I'm also not gonna talk about precious 'of course i'm gay, i've always liked girls, you don't know how to be loved' Sangwon is to me, cos if i start I can promise you I will most certainly never stop.
So for the sake of the rest of this post, I'm moving on. (NOT REALLY THO)
I just LOVE LOVE LOVE all the interpretations that people are coming up with, LOVE LOVE LOVE the show for filling in the gaps but LOVE it more for still leaving room for pretty thought-flowers to bloom around.
You know those artworks or puzzles that have something obvious hidden in a maze of confusion and haze until somebody points out the pattern, you zoom out and realize wow it was this clear all along?? That's a LOT of what watching the show felt like to me. The pattern being how inexplicably inter-connected Myungha and Yeowoon are. Not because they are each other's blorbos, but because why they are eo's blorbos. Why they don't care for each other from a sense of sympathy, but from empathy, despite not knowing the depth of their connections explicitly.
Eventhough we do see glimpses of it from the start, it only gets more clear later how Myungha and Yeowoon really are mirror versions of eo. How the first time Myungha sees Yeowoon he's stopping him from killing himself, and then we later find out that Myungha ends up killing himself. How both of it was triggered by a series of disappointments in life, starting with a troubling family and ending with a grandmother who passes away. Of how both of them seem to really have no one else to call their own in the world. Of leading very lonely depressing lives, that seem to never have a glimpse of hope. How both of them seem closed off, but inside they really are so fragile it hurts to perceive the depth of their feelings. It all comes and hits you once you've taken the whole show in and have gotten a few 1000 seconds to think about it.
We start off with myungha's character wanting to make his blorbo's character happy, and he's in it cos he cares about him, he doesn't have to think about himself. A 'pathetic' character experiencing a lot of pain, what's not to love, Myungha thinks, not realizing that it's his own mirror self that he is feeling so much for. Myungha sees Yeowoon's problems as someone from outside and is therefore able to objectively look at it, and approach it proactively, taking so many steps to help him, my favourite (and arguably most important) of which is the effort he puts in to help form yeowoon a friend circle. Something that he couldn't do for himself cos he never even considered a possibility of that. Why would anybody want to be around him? He ruins everything right?
And then to go on despite believing that, to falling in love, to deciding to choose to save both his grandma and yeowoon, finally FINALLY taking control into his hands even if for a bit to say what he wants, to spending the last few days together, to breaking up cos he just thinks the worst of himself, cos he doesn't know better. And then to the eternal darkness, where moments before leaving, just like in his real life, he realizes he wants in, he wants to live, he wants to love, but more importantly this time, he wants to try being loved. Even if it's difficult, he wants to try.
I love how eventhough the show is heavily Myungha focused, we get meaningful dynamics with multiple characters. Round eyed gasp inducing moments dont just belong to the two mains but also to sangwon whose line to myungha post the stalker incident just ruined me and really set the tone for whatever the show was later revealed to be all about.
I love how complicated the narrative got while still telling a more or less coherent story, how in hindsight, a lot of it makes even more sense now. How as Myungha gets closer to yeowoon his self-hating tendencies manifest in the form of debuffs and errors, because of his own brain's inability to perceive himself as somebody deserving love. His childhood trauma and the numerous rejections life has given him, because of the kind of person he turned out to be because of those rejections, all appear to stand in his way of happiness, as if he can't help being a bundle of sadness and a harbinger of problems. Even as he says he doesn't believe in destiny or fate. Or as we initially are made to believe in the game as, yeowoon's happiness, when in reality this was never about yeowoon at all. Yeowoon never existed in the first place and in "real" life, he never does.
I was blown away by how Myungha is in fact no longer in the mortal world but that fact doesn't hurt as much as that he would have to leave a world where he could finally feel happiness, feel loved, feel cared for, even if he consciously tried avoiding them. They still came to him, they still cared for him, they still fiercely wanted to protect him, (Cos he is just a tiny meow meow, who has been hurt a lot in his life, who wouldn't wanna caress and nurse him back to health HUH) just as much as he wanted to protect them.
And coming to the question of what's the game, where is it happening and who orchestrated it? It's definitely set in the afterlife or the limbo between life and the life after. It could be the author friend doing it, or the author friend has given myungha's brain the power to control the game OR of course the possibility that this has all been happening in myungha's head the whole time.
Whatever it is, the whole point has been to take Myungha from a person not wanting to live his life, feeling so devoid of love and happiness, to a journey of love and friendship, of the importance of fostering connections, of making efforts, of helping others, but equally of letting others help you, of putting your hand out and asking for that help. And in my head I love it most when I think of it as entirely Myungha orchestrated. Of it being a desperate cry of pain to himself, from himself, to save himself. Yeowoon and the game and the missions and all of it was for him to see himself in ways he never allowed himself to be seen as, to take care of himself in ways he never has, to love himself like he has never known to. To finally run towards himself, even if pathetic and sad, the Cha Yeowoon of the game, the person waiting at the end of the finishing line was the Tae Myungha in him all along.
You know that tumblr quote 'do it for her' but its about your future self, right? Myungha rooting for Yeowoon is sort of like that? When he's protecing him, he's protecting himself? When he's cheering for him, he's actually cheering and rooting for himself? When he's loving him, he makes space and place to love himself?
I just love the idea of a (self) love story.
Eitherway Yeowoon x Myungha supremacy.
Extreme(ly accurate?) Interpretations apart, Love for Love's Sake is truly one of the, if not THE finest (self) love story I might have ever seen.
As a person who avoids fics/books with mcd or shows with tragic endings, it felt absolutely revolutionary to me that my biggest joy and relief came from the fact that the main character is dead (the thought of myungha having to leave the game was too much to handle) and he gets to live in this game where he has a cute boyfriend, a supportive, caring friend group and his grandma back. it wasn't the game that was temporary or non-existent, it was actually his life outside. And that's not bad? Cos this is a story and Myungha isn't real, but as real as he is, he got his happy ending.
The show taught us to love, to see love, to be loved and to share that love. It told us that maybe the afterlife is a videogame simulation where we all get to live in friendship and love forever, with our blorbo and our friends. There are a lot worse lives to live. And I'm glad he found it in himself, enough love, courage and hope to write himself a better one :')
#love for love's sake#love supremacy zone#bless this show#tae myung ha#cha yeowoon#korean bl#myungha x yeowoon#kbl#already 2024 favourite#i'd be shocked if anything could beat it#this is ofc just my own interpretation#meta#love for love's sake meta#okbai i have to post it now or i will be writing for EVER
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i said i was gonna post about it and i am. i don't think william afton hates his kids. i don't think william afton is a mad scientist that kidnapped and put children in hallucinogenic gas chambers. whatever the fuck dittophobia said about afton doing all that, plus not stopping/furthering the bullying between michael and cc, is just dumb & wrong. william wanting his kids to fight, even die, is comically evil in the "bad writing" way. him being characterized as someone who experiments on children (including his own with no regard for their lives) in order to achieve immortality or whatever his supposed motivation is, is just really... nothing? as a character there is nothing to make him feel real. in an attempt to flesh out this character, they made him into a cartoon villain with "evil" being his only defining trait. whatever, i could talk for so long about how dumb i think all the dittophobia stuff is but i think most ppl on tumblr are on the same page regarding that.
to me, william afton is best characterized as someone who, at the Very Least, Doesn't Want His Own Children To Die. he can be a shitty father all around, or he can be a genuine loving father who is also a serial killer, as long as he Cares if they Die? most of what makes william afton an interesting villain, and where a lot of people interpret his motivation comes from, is how despite all his best efforts, he cannot prevent the death or downfall of his own family. he is in a tragedy of his own making, a self-imposed hell crafted by his hubris and violence. if you take this away, why should i care what happens to him? william afton was scariest when he was just purple guy and we knew nothing. william afton is most interesting when we have all these relationships and dynamics where we can seriously study and speculate the circumstances behind/around his actions, when he has something to lose (and will lose). william afton is most stale when more things are added to his story without purpose, filling in gaps that were better unfilled or we didn't even know were there – anything after UCN, basically. bro isn't scary anymore because he's either peepaw afton who's brought back despite his story being over, or he's cartoon network's newest over-the-top villian that you can't take seriously.
okay anyway. ANYWAY. william doesn't hate his kids. even if he's a shitty father, i think he still loves his kids. why else would he try and scare his kids away from the robots if he didn't want them to die? why would he design circus baby after his daughter if he didn't care for her, adore her, even? if you believe the theory that he talked to cc through the fredbear plush (idr if that's actually canon), why would he be trying to protect/comfort him?
i don't think he's a perfect, or even a good father, by any means. if you interpret him to be on the better side, that's great and fine. i'd love to hear how other people interpret/characterize afton if you wanna share! continuing on for this post, i'm going to lay out how i personally see william afton.
to me, he is someone who is very concerned and preoccupied with his image and how others view him & his family. even if he's super shitty and awful towards his kids, he at least cares that they all look good as a family unit, that they're well behaved, that he can send family portrait holiday cards to all his business partners and investors.
he strikes me very much as the typical authoritarian parent of the 80s. harsher on his sons because "men don't cry," wants his kids to say "yes, sir," and "no, sir," believes in "tough love," often says "my house, my rules," he has the final say in everything, maybe thinks hitting them from time to time is a normal, necessary punishment. not all entirely malicious, but thinks he's doing what's best, what's right, acting like a parent and father Should act, perhaps how he himself was raised. unfortunately, a very common parental mindset (even outside of serial killers). maybe he was a little scarier sometimes though, a little more unhinged or violently angry. who's to say.
but he's still just a guy who could exist in real life. he still eats dinner with his family every night, hangs his kids' drawings on the fridge, had to turn the car around because they wouldn't stop fighting in the backseat, attended awkward parent-teacher conferences, everything. he was once a new father who happily came home with his first newborn, lost countless nights of sleep over the course of two more, loves them because they're his.
meticulously and senselessly killed children, then came home and tucked his own into bed and kissed them goodnight.
he can be abusive and still love his kids. he can be a murderer and still care for his own kids' lives. maybe the loss of his own kids is what triggered his actions, or maybe it was something else. i'm fine with not knowing because we don't need to know everything, and it's more interesting when we don't.
Something Is Seriously Wrong With This Guy And We Don't Know What or Why. when acquaintances find out he's a suspected murderer, it should be shocking and upsetting. he's such a great man and father, he wouldn't murder those kids! when michael discovers his father's crimes, he should be in denial. sure, he could be scary sometimes, but he wouldn't kill anyone... right? there's a great cognitive dissonance between who he appears to be and who he actually is.
whether william descended into grief-induced madness and obsession, or was just always some kind of freak, or both, i don't think he saw his own family as disposable. even if he didn't truly love them, he at least needed to keep up his own facade as a friendly family man. personally i like to see him as someone who was a shitty father but still loved his kids, because people like that exist, and it makes him a much more interesting, realistic, and nuanced character than if he just didn't care about them At All.
#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#william afton#purple guy#dontlistento me#sorry if this is so incoherent or all over the place or rambly. im insane.#fuck it im posting
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I wet you like water but she stained you like blood.
Chapter 2
Pairing: widowed!dilf!Jake Sully x younger!female!human reader
CW: angsty as hell, Neytiri is dead in this AU, unrequited love, older man & younger woman relationship (y/n is in her 20's), feeling like you're only there to fill in the gap someone else left (Neytiri, in this case), mentions of death and being a widow, complex feelings, talks of trauma, CAN BE TRIGGERING TO SOME, mentions of sex, mentions of sexual fluids, reader feeling guilty about being with Jake not long after Neytiri's death
Not proofread. And I can't even read what I just wrote, without even correcting it, because I have to feed my cat and take care of dinner right now. I'm just praying this stuff makes sense. I'll correct any mistakes as soon as I can. Sorry in advance lol This amateur writer here never has enough time on her hands...... 🥲
Chapter 1 𓆩♡𓆪
You're so much older and wiser
And I wait by the door like I'm just a kid
Use my best colors for your portrait
Lay the table with the fancy shit
And watch you tolerate it
If it's all in my head tell me now
Tell me I've got it wrong somehow
tolerate it (Taylor Swift)
𓆩♡𓆪
Jake was a widowed father of 4, he was an attractive, responsible, charming, older man. And he was also funny when he was just chilling, hanging around his friends or his family. Last but not least: he had a delicious "dad bod", a word people came up with to describe older men who are still toned but have some cute fat here and there.
You were a girl in your 20's, a young xenobotanist living in Pandora, who used to spend her nights alone, eating cup noodles, watching and rewatching old TV shows from when the planet Earth was still a place where humans could actually live in, and feeling lonely. So, when Jake Sully got his eye on you, you fell head over heels for him.
You knew well you could never replace Neytiri. Even after her death, she still had a place in Jake's heart that nobody, not even you, would ever be able to claim as yours.
Still, you could not let Jake go. Still, you insisted in staying. Still, you didn't seem to love yourself enough to say to yourself "I deserve better" and wait for a guy who actually loves you, not one that seemed to only love your company and well... your body most of all, as it seemed.
Okay, maybe you shouldn't think this bad of Jake. You knew he felt really connected to you, in a deep level. You two would talk late at night and he would always be vulnerable and tell you about real personal and deep stuff about his life - the one in the human body and the one in the na'vi body -, while the both of you would eat roasted meat and fungi, up in some tree in the middle of the Pandoran forests. But you knew he did not love you. Even if you could feel his heart beating fast through his chest when he kissed and touched you, away from everyone, never in front of anybody, because you two were adults and knew damn well that situation, him seeming like he was so happy and living his best life with another woman, a much younger human girl, who was at an age where she could actually be his daughter, wouldn't sit right with anybody, not human, not na'vi - given that he had children that were still mourning the death of their mother (one of them being a little girl, Tuktirey).
That sacred feeling, love, was saved inside of Jake's heart for Neytiri, his deceased mate, even after death. He bonded with her through tsaheylu. You, as only a human, no neuro queue to connect with his in sight, knew you could never compare to that primal bond he had experienced with her. But worst of all (you felt horrible saying "worst of all" but you knew you didn't mean it like that, like you didn't care about other people's feelings), Neytiri was the mother of his children. She might be with Eywa now but you knew Jake would always remember her looking all beautiful and incredibly feminine carrying his first born, Neteyam Sully, and his other two biological children in her belly (Kiri was adopted after her biological mom died, a dear friend of the couple, Grace Augustine. Kiri was a miracle kid. Her mother was bearing her inside of her body after her own death, inside the lab. That was crazy stuff your human mind would never understand, you thought. Only the na'vi could understand the magnitude of Eywa's power. You yourself knew she was strong and respected her but didn't love and worship her like they did.)
Thinking about the way Jake must still adore the memory of Neytiri and think about her and even cry missing her gave you a big lump in your throat and made you wanna throw up. You felt like the worst being in the Universe thinking like that, but you swore, truly, that feeling that way was not you being a petty selfish girl, jealous of the man you were currently in a situationship with and not even considering to have some respect for his grief and the grief of his children - who had just lost their mother -, but it was actually the love you felt for Jake manifesting in your body, in a psychosomatic way. The pain and desperation you felt thinking about the possibility of him never getting over Neytiri made you sick to your stomach, it made the bones inside of your flesh ache.
The first time you saw him talking to Norm one day at the lab, his tall, large frame in all its glory, his blue skin so beautiful, his dark blue stripes adorning his whole body in intricate patterns, his long brown hair falling on his toned back, his tail looking so cute, reminding you of a kitty cat.... "I'm fucked" You thought to yourself. "Am I really catching feelings for this older na'vi man who will probably never want me in this way?! Damn, he's still mourning his dead mate.... Neytiri died not even a whole year ago... I must be evil to be thinking about him this way at this moment. Stop that, you crazy stupid heartless girl."
You looked at him again and he was smiling, his fangs touching his lower lip. He had such a cheerful, precious smile, even though you knew he had been through a whole lot of pain and trauma in his life. "He must be really strong and resilient. That's beautiful." You thought to yourself
Jake Sully had the right amount of muscles but still had soft flesh in all the right places, his tummy just perfect enough for you to be able to squeeze it if you wanted to, his thighs thick but the muscles were balanced with sweet softness. He made you feel a raw kind of heat in your lower belly and think about him just before sleep, like you were a damn schoolgirl. Sometimes (okay, many times...) he made your panties slick with your own juices when you imagined him taking you in his arms and kissing you hard, dominating you like you were his. Which you wished you were. Until one day that wish was fulfilled. You were in cloud nine when that happened.
Jake had been in the marines back when he was human and lost the movement of his legs, being left needing a wheelchair to move himself around and do day to day activities. He lost his twin brother back on Earth, too, after he - Tommy - had been mugged. And now, he had just lost his wife to death too and was left alone to take care of his 4 children. Poor thing must have PTSD, if the na'vi brains were able to have the same disorders as humans brains had. You didn't know, to be honest. You were a xenobotanist. Your area of expertise was the biology of extraterrestrial plants, not the biology of extraterrestrial bodies.
The fact that he still was capable of irradiating happiness through his eyes, smile, voice and overall presence made you weak with admiration. And love, you must say. Because thats what you were: weak and in love, all for and with Jake Sully.
Too bad his feeling were not even close to being the same as yours. He loved you as a friend and he lusted over your body. He wanted to protect you from any harm anyone could ever do to you. The bitter part of it all is: he could never protect you from the harm he himself did to you. The harm being giving you pieces of what could be his love, but it wasn't. That was the worst crime he could ever commit against you. At least that's what the pungent pain deep inside the arteries of your heart told you. Every night. Every time you remembered he didn't love you, but he loved Neytiri. Everytime you got reminded of the fact that you were alive and she was dead but you still were not his favorite.
Goddammit. How did you end up competing with a dead na'vi woman over a na'vi man's love? You sure were losing your mind.
But falling in love with Jake Sully proved to you that you were not the nerdy science girl who used to always put reason first and feelings last, that you always thought you were. Not when it came to love, at least. Or not when it came to this relationship.
𓆩♡𓆪
If any of you wanna be in the taglist for this fanfic, just leave a comment 🤍 ily n hope you're having a nice day/night 💓⚘
#jake sully x reader#jake sully#jake sully avatar#dilf jake sully#avatar twow#avatar 2009#avatar james cameron#avatar the way of water#avatar pandora#jake sully x you#jake sully x human!reader#jake avatar#avatar fanfiction#avatar fanfic#avatar fandom#dilf jake sully x reader#avatar au#kxamtxomaw writes
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Possessive much?: forbidden au
Bts masterpost
Mafia yoongi x reader
Synopsis: how hard will it be to keep his cool when he saw an arm which wasn't his,wrapped around you? Certainly harder than he thought.
Genre/warnings: mafia yoongi, possessive yoongi, forbidden au, legal age gap, angry sex, unprotected sex,cocky yoongi
A/n: i know it's taking really long with the second part so here's a drabble! It can be readed alone but I'd recommend reading forbidden first. The time line can be confusing but let's say that yoongi and y/n haven't confessed their feelings yet.
Taglist (open)♡
@kissme-ornot @meow-min @kyojuro-ska @xmochiloverx @iheartsvt @yoonaasa @creatorspalace @shymagda-7 @rosquilleta @bunnyrhe @raineandskye
Author's pov
Yoongi sighed, leaning the bar counter with tired limbs as his bored eyes scanned the room filled with people flaunting their power. Taking a sip of whiskey, he groaned running a hand through his hair. Fuck he feels so fucking tired that he'd much rather be in his bed rather than in a room filled with dirty assholes. It would be nicer if you were there with him,cuddled up on his pillow just like you did a few days ago when you fell asleep on his bed. God he loved how innocent, pure and perfect you looked in his t shirt, sleeping on his bed without a care in the world. But he hated the way you panicked when you woke up. He hated how scared you looked, in fear of getting caught.
His eyes softened as you came in his mind. He wonders what you're doing right now. Will you be coming here? With his brother? All the softness disappeared as his eyes hardened at the thought. Gulping down the burning liquid he signaled the bartender to fill his glass before scanning the room in hopes of catching a glimpse of you. His lips parted and he felt his chest tighten when your eyes met. There you were. Walking in the room with your alluring beauty, completely unaware of the many eyes on you. Because even with so many eyes staring at you, you were only looking at him. His eyes ran over your body,not missing your blushing cheeks as you flushed under his gaze. Unknowingly, his lips curved in a soft smile as he watched you glancing at him with a shy smile. His eyes fell on the necklace with was resting over the curve of your chest, with just the right amount of cleavage showing.
You sighed softly, snuggling in his pillow as his scent wrapped around you like a sweet lullaby. Unaware of his gaze on you, as he stood in front of the bed, with a cigarette in between his lips. Usually he never smokes in front of you. But the amount of stress on his shoulder didn't let him control himself. But as he noticed your nose scrunching in your sleep, he crushed the cigarette and took something out from his side drawer. Sitting on the bed he softly removed your hair falling on your face, and smiled softly when you whispered his name in your sleep. Opening the velvet box,he took the delicate necklace in his hand and leaned down, gently draping it over your neck. As he closed the hook,your eyes fluttered opened, your breath hitching at the closeness when he pulled back, looking at you. The softness in his eyes caused thousands of butterflies to dance in your stomach as he mumbled "beautiful" but you weren't sure if he was talking about you or the necklace.
It was a delicate chain with a small diamond in the middle. Anyone would think it was a beautiful necklace worn by the future daughter in law of the min family. But only you and yoongi knew that there is a small 'y' engraved at the back of the diamond. It was his way of saying that even though his brother was the one who could hold you in front of everyone, he was the only one who could hold the real you. And by wearing that necklace in front of everyone, you hoped he would understand what you were trying to say. That even with his brother's arm wrapped around you, he was the only on in your heart.
He lips curved in a cocky smirk as he watched you touching the necklace while looking at him with those innocent eyes. But soon, something made his face drop, with his jaw clenching as he looked away with a sharp breath. You looked surprised as your fiancee suddenly wrapped his arm around your waist, your eyes gluing to your feet as his fingers rubbed the small part of your bare skin visible. You painted a smile on your face. A perfect fake smile that you've mastered. The smile which would work on everyone but yoongi. Yoongi scoffed with an angry smirk as he watched his brother's fingers digging in your bare waist,just below where he had marked you. If the dress was a revealing your waist a little more, anyone could see the multiple marks he had left on your soft skin.
Your eyes looked at him worriedly as you watched him gulping down another glass of whiskey with his jaw tight. Yoongi tugged his tie a little loose as he noticed hyunmin's hand traveling down. His breathing got heavier as he scoffed, wanting nothing more than to walk across the room and fucking rip his arm off. Your eyes connected with his as you tired to remove hyunmin's arm without looking suspicious and he swears he has never been more angry before as he watched your face. You looked uncomfortable. But it seemed like his idiot of a brother was too busy eye fucking some girl to notice. You looked back at where yoongi was standing, well atleast he was standing. But your eyes widened in worry as you didn't saw him there. Your heart clenched at the thought of him misunderstanding the situation. And you finally tugged his arm with a whisper "i need to go to the restroom " your future husband nodded without paying much attention and you immediately started walking towards where yoongi was before. Looking over the sea of people you kept walking towards the stairs, but suddenly, a hand pulled you in behind the huge staircase causing you to gasp. Your eyes widened even more when you saw yoongi looking at you with so much anger in his eyes. If you weren't wrong, you could see jealousy in his brown eyes too. "Y-yoongi-" he cursed under his breath, his large hands gripping your ass and before you could say anything, he suddenly turned you around so that your back was pressed against the wall behind the huge staircase and you felt your heart pounding. Both because of his gaze,and because of the fear of someone seeing you both. His jaw was tight as he squeezed your ass and growled "kiss me" your eyes widened at that. This was the first time he was acting like this. "B-but-" and your eyes widened even more when you saw hyunmin walking towards the both of you. Or you can stumbling around in a drunken haze. You gasped whispering "y-yoongi he is coming-" but he cut you off with a possessive hand wrapping around your throat as he grunted "fucking kiss me doll"
Biting your bottom lip you failed to notice his eyes following your movement as you looked at hyunmin one more time before taking a deep breath. Cupping his face in your soft hands,you stood up on your tiptoes and softly pressed your lips on his,a groan leaving his lips at the feeling as you carassed his cheek, momentarily forgetting about the risk of getting caught by your future husband. He wrapped his one arm around your waist and pulled you closer, your soft breast pressing against his hard chest as your lips moved against his smoothly. His lips tasted like whiskey as he kissed you firmly yet gently and a soft whimper of his name left your lips just as hyunmin reached in front of you which you failed to notice. "Hyung?" You tensed up,now knowing that he is standing right behind yoongi and the only thing covering you is yoongi's body as he easily hide you from his brother. Yoongi noticed the way you tensed up, and instead of replying to his brother, he only grunted, pressing you against the wall with his bulge pressing against your core which caused you to moan softly. Yoongi didn't paid his brother any mind who snickered saying "get a room hyung. I'm sure dad won't like seeing you fucking like animals " that made yoongi smirk. Who would have guessed that hyunmin will be telling his older brother to get a room with his future wife.
When he heard his footsteps fading, he slowly pulled back breathing heavily ,looking over his shoulder to see him disappearing in the crowd before looking at you again. You were looking at him with wide eyes, your cheeks flushed pink as you panted "aren't you a fucking sight to see flower?" He groaned wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you with him. You squeaked as he dragged you in one of the rooms. Of course he made sure no one saw you both and pulled you in an empty room, your back pressing against the door as he locked it before looking at you with his gaze filled with different emotions. Was it jealousy? You gasped as he suddenly unzipped your dress,pulling it off your shoulders with so much roughness which caused the delicate fabric to tear a little at the end. As the dress pooled at your feet,you watched him yanking off his suit and tie with his jaw clenched. You've never seen him like this before and that made you wonder what caused it. "A-are you okay?" You gasped as his hands gripped your thighs and he picked you up,your legs wrapping around his waist "no" he grunted, throwing you on the bed. His gaze falling on the many fading marks over your chest, neck , waist , thighs. "Fuck" he groaned pulling you up and unhooking your bra with one hand as your hands pressed against his bare chest. You moaned his name as his fingers rubbed your clit slowly over your panties causing him to chuckle darkly as he yanked his pants and boxers down and his large cock slapped against his abdomen "would love to eat this sweet little cunt angel. But need to be inside you now. Think you can take me?" You nodded almost immediately causing him to smirk as he teared your panties causing you to gasp "oh my god stop tearing everything! What will i wear after this-" "shut your mouth doll" your words halted immediately after hearing the dominance in his voice and you whimpered pitifully as he rubbed his hardened cock over your weeping cunt and just as you were about to cry out to stop teasing you,he suddenly thrusted in coaxing a loud moan from your lips as he let out a small gasp when your warm walls fully enveloped him "fuck. How are you still so fucking tight after how much i fucked you last night?" He let out a guttural groan as pulled out and watched his dick coming out completely wet. You whimpered as he thrusted back in, your hands flying to wrap around his shoulders as your nails scratched his skin with every powerful thrust leaving long, red marks on him. "O-oh yoongi " you moaned as his pace increased, he was almost animalistic as the whole bed started shaking with his balls slapping against your ass, his lips coming down to attack your sensitive skin. His hand gripped the same area in an almost bruising grip which was touched by his brother just a few minutes ago as he sucked dark purple marks every where he could reach.
"Don't hide them. You hear me?" He breathed heavily, gripping your jaw as you became a babbling mess, nodding while crying out his name "you look so fucking perfect like this. You look mine" he growled hitting your g spot with memorized movements while your eyes widened "yours?" You whimpered with hope in your heart. But soon you felt that hope crushing as he never replied. And kissed you passionately, which caused your heart to get heavier. Maybe he just said it without meaning anything. Even though your heart ached at the thought, you still held him tightly, feeling your high approaching as you sobbed because of the pleasure but also because of something else "y-yoongi i feel so close" you gasped holding his hand tightly as he groaned out "i know flower. Can feel you clenching around me. Fucking cum" a loud moan left your lips as your high washed over, and at the same time,his own climax approached and he came silently with a low growl against your ear "mine" was the word you thought you heard but you felt so lost at the moment. He pressed his forehead against your collarbones breathing heavily before he pulled out of you softly, frowning when you winced. "Hey" he mumbled as you slowly came down from your high and looked at him hazily "did i hurt you?" You shaked your head wiping a stray tear which managed to escape not noticing the way his jaw clenched at the sight. "Look at me" he muttered and you looked at him nervously "you need to tell me to stop if I'm ever hurting you doll. Tell me to stop. It's the only way i can control myself" his face looked pained as his eyes stared in your own with new emotions while new tears filled your eyes and you whispered "i don't want you to stop" he didn't say anything. Instead kept staring at you for a moment before looking away.
You pulled the duvet over your body as he stood up and walked in the bathroom. You thought he went to get a wet towel to clean you up just like he does everytime. But you were surprised when he came back and picked you up bridal style before walking towards the bathroom. You kept looking at him but he never met your gaze the whole time he bathed you. As you stood in the bathroom with a towel wrapped around your body, you waited for him as he mumbled "I'll be back" and walked out of the room. You didn't expect to get more surprises but then he entered the bathroom with another dress. This one a white satin sleeveless dress. With a pair of panties. Your panties. The one you wore the first time he took you. Your heart was pounding as you took the clothes from him and he left the bathroom without another word. You didn't think he would keep your panties for so long.
After you got dressed, you walked in the room after brushing your hair to look presentable because all your makeup was ruined so you were bare faced. You saw that he had already gotten dressed and he was sitting on one of the arm chair with his legs spread. You didn't say anything when you saw him staring at you as if you were the most beautiful woman in this world. You didn't said anything when he placed a hand on your lower back. You didn't said anything and only looked down when he pressed a soft kiss on your forehead.
You only walked towards your future husband and stood by his side,holding the necklace gently as a mark he left on you could be seen on your neck. But your fiance was too drunk to notice it. And everyone else who noticed it,assumed it was from hyunmin. Because who would dare to question the future daughter in law of the min family? Only someone who wants to die in the hands of Min yoongi. The same man would can kill anyone without blinking an eye,who was staring at you from the other side of the room. Not caring about people noticing him staring at his brother's fiance "atleast try to hide it you idiot " seokjin scoffed shaking his head as he stood beside the mafia boss "hide what?" Mumbled yoongi earning an amused laugh from the older man as he kept on staring at you "hide your love for her" that caught his attention.
Love huh? That explains the un denying urge to fucking blow his brother's head.
#bts#bts yoongi#yoongi x reader smut#yoongi x reader angst#min yoongi x reader#yoongi x reader fluff#yoongi x reader one shot#min yoongi x reader smut#min yoongi smut#yoongi scenarios#yoongi smut#forbidden yoongi#forbidden au#yoongi one shot#yoongi fluff#min yoongi angst#mafia yoongi x reader#mafia yoongi#bts smut
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Backseat Comfort
Summary - Part 11 in the Comfort series
Pairing - Dean Winchester x Reader, Reader x Sam (platonic), Reader x Bobby (father-figure)
Warnings - slight angst, mentions of pregnancy, implied smut
Series Masterlist | Masterlist
A/N - G’day guys, I just wanna start by thanking you for all the likes, reblogs and follows since my last post, I really appreciate it. I hope you like this one too. And remember my inbox is always open for requests or even if you just wanna chat. Until next week, enjoy!
You don’t know how long you both stand there in silence before Bobby finally cuts in. “Hell, this is childish! You two need to talk like real adults who are planning a future together. If you don’t start talking I’ll lock the pair of you in the panic room until you do. I haven’t seen two hunters, hell I haven’t seen two people so right for each other for a very long time. You two have a chance at something that very few hunters can only ever dream about and I’ll be damned if I watch you let that slip through your fingers because you’re scared!”
You chance a glace at Dean but you notice he’s not looking at you anymore, he’s glaring at Bobby.
“I can’t believe you let her come here in her state! What if a demon had found her while she was driving here?”
“Last I checked she’s a hunter and an adult and can make her own decisions and look after herself. She’s not dying, Dean, she’s pregnant.”
“All the more reason she needs to be more careful,” Dean spits out, his eyes darting at you quickly, “any number of demons would just love to get their hands on the newest Winchester.”
“You think I don’t know that, Dean? You think I’d deliberately put this baby in danger? I was careful! You can’t keep me locked up in our bedroom like some damsel in distress! Especially if you’re gonna walk out on me!”
Dean immediately softens and takes a step closer to you. “I’m sorry for walking out,” he whispers. “I was scared and hurting and I hurt you. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I just wanted to find a way to make it all better, so you don’t have to worry anymore.”
You close the little gap between you, as you reach for his hand, squeezing softly. “I know, baby, I know. I’m sorry too. I never meant to hurt you, I want to have a family with you, I’m just scared.”
Dean takes advantage of your hand in his and pulls you close and wraps his arms around you, nuzzling his face into your neck. “I know. I promise I won’t walk out like that again. I’m here for you. We’re gonna get through this together. There isn’t much good in this life, but the one good thing I have is you! When I picture myself happy, it’s with you and a couple of little ones running around.”
Tears fill your eyes as you rest your head against Dean’s and melt further into his embrace.
“And the two of you idjits were about to walk out in this?”
You looked over at Bobby and mouthed a “thank you”.
Bobby left you and Dean alone in the kitchen to supposedly go back to research. The second you’re alone Dean lifts you up as your legs instinctively wrap around his waist. He rests you on the bench and brings his lips to yours. You pull him closer as his lips trail down your neck.
“How about we get outta here? The doctor did say sex was fine…” Dean whispers in your ear before pulling your ear lobe between his teeth softly.
“You’re gonna hate my answer.”
“You’re gonna be the death of me.” Dean placed one last passionate kiss on your lips before pulling back and helping you down.
“You guys better not be getting up to any funny business in my kitchen!”
You giggle and hide your face in Dean’s chest. “Come on, sweetheart. We got work to do.”
“You’re gonna let me help?”
“I’m not gonna take you hunting, but you can read books. In fact, you’re damn good at that, among other things,” he says with a wink.
“You’re a dork.”
“Yeah, maybe, but I’m your dork.”
“Whatever, come on.”
You spend the next few hours making your way through Bobby’s books until your stomach growls. Dean’s hand immediately makes its way to your stomach. “The baby’s hungry, huh?”
You put your hand over Dean’s. “How about you take your baby momma out on a date?”
“You’re so much more than that. But I think I can do that. Bobby, you want us to bring you anything back?”
“Nah, I stocked up already.”
“Alright then. My lady?” Dean says as he stands up and offers his hand to you. You take it and he helps you up.
“Good luck with the research, Bobby. We’ll be back soon.”
“Have fun, love birds.”
Dean leads you out to Baby and opens the door for you. “So that sweet ride’s yours, huh?”
“I may have borrowed it…”
“It suits you. Although-“
“Baby’s still my favourite.”
“Good. I plan on spending some time with you in her this afternoon.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“I’m a gentleman though, so food first.”
He drives to a diner, picking up two burgers, fries, and pie. And then drives out to a remote field. You enjoy the food in the comfort of the Impala with some soft rock music filling the space.
“I can’t believe you’re letting me eat fried food.”
“The second you start to feel sick you let me know.”
“I will.”
Once you finish eating you both get out and go for a walk around the field hand-in-hand. When you get back to the car Dean lifts you up onto the hood and kisses you. “Please just don’t tell me to stop this time.”
“Deal.”
“Thank god,” he breathes out as he kisses down your neck. You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer as your hands file through his hair.
“Dean...”
“I know, come on,” he says as he lifts you up and carries you around to the back seat and lays you down. He climbs in on top of you, holding his weight up on his forearms. This was far from the first time the two of you had ended up squished together in the back seat of this car. You’d learnt how to manipulate the space well. You push his flannel off his shoulders as his fingers play with the hem of your shirt. As he pushes your shirt up his fingers splay out over your stomach. You help take your shirt off the rest of the way as he kisses down your stomach. You file your fingers through his hair pushing him down to where you need him most. But he resists and sits up.
“This feels wrong. The last time we were together we were fighting. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
“Dean, baby. Please. You begged me not to stop you, so now don’t you stop on me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Have I ever had a problem saying no to you before?”
“I guess not.”
“We do need to talk, Dean. But I know we will do that later. Right now though, I need you to get back over here and finish what you started.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Dean lays back on top of you attaching his lips to yours as he reaches around and unclasps your bra. As he kisses his way along your jaw towards your neck he whispers, “you’re so sexy when you’re bossy.”
“In that case…stop teasing and put that sexy face between my legs already.”
He groans against your neck before following your orders.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
You lay on Dean’s bare chest catching your breath and calming down, his fingers tracing absent-minded patterns on your back. After a while, you decide to break the comfortable silence.
“I’m sorry for not telling you about Sam suspecting the pregnancy, and for talking to him instead of you about my fears. It’s no excuse but I really just didn’t want to hurt you. Ever since I told you and we took that first test you’ve been really optimistic and I needed that. But I also needed to talk about my fears, and I was worried if I told you, you’d lose your optimism.”
You feel Dean nod above you before he reaches down to turn your gaze towards his face. “I get it, sweetheart, I do. I’m sorry for overreacting, I just … It hurt, you know? Especially just the thought of you not wanting this baby as much as I do. Even though, I know your reasons are valid.”
“It’s not that I don’t want it, I’m just scared.”
“I get that now, and I’m scared too. How could I not be? Most people I care about end up dead and I’m terrified of putting you or our child in danger or losing you. I’m only optimistic in our little bubble.”
“We’ll find a way. Even if we have to stay in the bunker. And if they’re brought up the way you and Sam were, it’s not the end of the world. The two of you ended up great men.”
“You promised. I can’t bring this child up a hunter, I won’t. Sam and I aren’t fine. We’re messed up beyond repair. I have nightmares almost every night, especially when I’m not with you. I don’t want our child to drink just to function, the way I do. If we’re gonna do this, I want better for them.”
“I know, so do I. But, I’m just saying I’d rather raise them and keep them safe in this life than try to pretend it’s all fine and then have them end up injured or dead. I don’t want to bury or burn my own child, Dean.”
“Nor do I. I just wish our lives were different.”
“But then I may not have ever met you. And that would be tragic. I love you, Dean Winchester. We’re gonna get through this together, you’ve been saying that all along and I believe you.”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
A couple of hours later you’re sitting on Bobby’s couch. The men each have a beer in their hand while you’re stuck sipping on a soda. Dean’s free hand is drawing patterns on your thigh, while he no doubt reminisces on your earlier endeavours. You rest your head on his shoulder and start to doze off.
“Looks like I should get this one up to bed.”
“Not quite the stamina you’re used to huh? Surviving on three to four hours of sleep a week.”
“She’s got plenty of stamina, believe me. But yeah, she does need more sleep now. And I gotta say I'm kinda glad about it. She needed an excuse to slow down.”
“I’ve talked to her about the whole thing. What’s your take on this new chapter? I see you proposed.”
“Yeah, it was an impulse thing. I love her of course. But I know marriage is off the table, I’m legally dead. But it’s a symbol. A promise. I want a future with her whatever it takes. I didn’t expect we’d be starting down the path quite so soon, but we’ll figure it out.”
“I’ve never met many people that end up with their soulmate. I believe your parents were. And if I had to place bets, I’d say you two are too.”
“I want to believe that.”
“With everything else, we’ve seen, why not? You both deserve something good. Anyway, you should get her up to bed, and get some sleep yourself while you can.”
“Yeah, alright, Bobby. Night.”
Dean placed his beer and your soda on the side table before leaning down to pick you up bridal style and carrying you up to bed. Once he lays you down he helps you out of your boots and jeans so you’re more comfortable. He then strips down himself and climbs into the bed beside you wrapping you up in his arms. You snuggle closer and place a light kiss on his chest before drifting back off to sleep.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Tag list: (Leave a like or comment on this post or let me know below if you want to be added to the tag list for this series)
@bitchwitch1981, @muhahaha303, @justrealizedimmascifygurl, @mcdowell-123, @leigh70, @marvelsmarauder, @losa12308, @tapedeck-hearts, @luvjaida, @peachtxa, @ambearsstuff, @shadow-of-a-cloud, @slut-for-buck
#dean winchester x reader#dean x you#dean winchester#supernatural#spn#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester imagine#dean winchester fic#dean winchester fluff
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I HAVE FOOD TO BRING!
let’s talk about Craig Boone, and my Courier Six: literal sixth child of a sixth child, ex-Empire of Shi golden child, grizzled, haunted-at-23 May Bells (not her real name, of course.)
(i want money to commission them together PLEASE..also you like angst? you like new beginnings? a couple who don’t realize they love each other? YOU LIKE WONG KAR WAI’S IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE?! you’re in the right place!)
firstly, May Bell’s already got a fleshed-out backstory—but I want to make another post for that, so that’ll have to wait!
all you need to know is that May is difficult. it’s what a difficult life does to you, after all; in broad strokes:
she was born in the Empire of Shi, with parents both influential in the spheres of its government and upper-class society.
her father wanted her to be the heir of his scientific legacy when he realized his two sons were incompetent (not even bad people—he just had extremely high and stifling standards: calm, intelligent, obedient. May only hit the Intelligent mark with that 9 INT stat and was naturally a genius, her tag skills being medicine, melee, and science.)
when she didn’t meet the mold of her father’s expectations, it coincided with the fact that her eldest sister got pregnant by a poor merchant’s son.
her father went berserk, killed everyone in the house except for May and her oldest brother because they were out. this incident happened when she was 17.
May and her brother were tried (mother deemed insane to stand trial) and her brother ran away. May was found guilty because of public clamor, but she managed to escape out Shi and never looked back, working as a mercenary in the California area—using Shady Sands as a base of operations for a few years—before eventually getting that damn courier job.
yes, these are broad strokes. who wouldn’t be haunted?
now, take all of that baggage and give it to a half of an extremely combat-capable duo, the other half of which is convinced he’s only destined for bad things because of all the misfortune that’s happened in his life. both have seen the horrors of death and the loss of life, as well as having a hand—direct or not—in the loss of their loved ones and family, having no power to stop it from happening.
what happens when they realize they realize they’re falling for each other?
it makes for a tragedy in origin, of course.
i originally wrote May independently, as opposed to my usual process of making a character in consideration of someone i want them to end up with, and encountering Boone in Novac as May just made it all click.
they would work so well together: Boone filling in the gaps of May’s small frame and 5 STR stat (she’d like for it to be 8, but alas) and May serving as his new partner as two snipers.
that’s the thing, too: May, for all her inability to be sociable (always had a grumpy expression on her face, quick to dismissive sarcasm and is generally unlikeable upon first impression because she masks her loneliness with being an asshat), finds it easy to care for Boone. She levels up her Survival skill to cook him food. She uses that high Medicine to patch him up after he runs into a pack of Cazadores guns blazing. She always gives him extra smokes, ammo, and the occasional bottle of Nuka-Cola.
in his own way, Boone cares for her, too. she always has a First Recon sniper watching her back behind her. He always takes care of enemies before she can even see them. He takes longer watches when they rest so she can sleep (after a lot of protest). Hell, by Honest Hearts, he watches her sleep just to see her breathing and alive.
And the fact she helps him process Bitter Springs, supportive but not overbearing? The fact that she knows his secrets, and cares for him anyway? it hits him where it matters.
this journey May’s embarking on and the dynamic they’re building reminded me of something as i was looking for inspiration for her story (Asian media): Wong Kar Wai’s In the Mood For Love.
if you’ll remember, Mrs. Chan and Mr. Chow only fall in love because they knew their spouses were cheating on them with one another. it all clicked so much, i’m telling you: what started as an agreement to find who sold Carla eventually led to the both Boone and May trudging against the harsh winds of the Mojave, realizing they had one person they cared about more than themselves—and to the both of them, it was nothing if not dangerous, given how self-depreciating and burdened they are with their past.
but who’s to say they won’t heal?
it’s the possibilities of their relationship that keeps me going, honestly: they’re so perfectly made for one another, and deeply care for one another, but they can’t see that, and it infuriates the people around them: Veronica, Arcade and Raul especially (who becomes May’s close friends) who sees this tension so palpable it wouldn’t have made a difference if Boone bent May over on a roulette table in the Tops and went to town with her knowing she’d let him anyway. that’s how well their chemistry works.
i’ll keep on exploring this, but god, the way the stars align for them even in my writing!!! i will be back for this it’s a PROMISE
#craig boone#fnv boone#fallout new vegas#courier six#fallout#fnv#in the mood for love#veronica santangelo#fnv veronica#arcade gannon#fnv arcade#raul tejada#fnv raul#I LOVE YEARNING WHAT CAN I SAY#and the fact boone hasn’t felt physical desire until he sees may in formal wear OOH#good FOOD!
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Headcanon...?
Spoilers for a fic I will write eventually?
Do not read if you do not like made-up, author-indulgent backstories for characters who exist in the GFFA. This one is almost hard to post because it's kind of personal. Like, a story so plot driven that I am nervous people will hate my interpretation and my ships. Oh well, I guess, it's happening.
A discussion in the Duros hoes chat, and then between me and @allsystemsblue, got me thinking about what is Cad Bane's real name? It sure as hell ain't Cad Bane. A lot of the fandom seems to agree on that. "Cad" and "bane" are both words in the dictionary that can be defined.
Cad: a man who behaves dishonorably, especially toward a woman. / scoundrel / rogue / rascal.
Bane: a cause of great distress or annoyance. / scourge / ruin / death.
We shall come back to this.
I have a scene mapped out for Stars Above in which I want Cad to run into his sister. I have a plan for his backstory that does not include this particular fanfic, but another, a series I am working on that will be entitled "Annuals of an Outlaw," and is essentially a collection of works I have outlined that will contain my version of Cad Bane's "story" from his beginnings on Duro in the Descent Ghetto, to after the Clone Wars and beyond.
Yes, it will have smut. And angst. Lots and lots of angst. Many character will appear, including Jango, Hondo, Aurra, Bossk, Embo, Zam, Dengar, Todo 360, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and even Boba at some point. Oh, and let us not forget Shriv Suurgav. :)
Yes, Shriv.
You cannot stop me. Don't even try. This is my magnum opus, and by God it will make sense narratively. Just you wait. Or don't. I don't care. I am still going to write this thing if it's the last thing I ever do.
First of all, I enjoy playing around with Star Wars name generators. That is how I came up with the name of my OC, Zulara. I started sifting through them, piecing last names together with other first names, and voilà, a new name appeared to me that caught my attention.
Originally, I was looking for Durese words that maybe meant something in relation to his occupation or personality, but none of them called out. It appears others had that same idea in the past, so it makes sense to go with something new.
Anyway, my name for Cad Bane is Lumoon Troks.
Here are the outpouring of thoughts I had on the matter before I could stop myself. I came up with this over the last hour or two, and I am digging it so far. Who knows, maybe I will change my mind. It's helping me to fill in a lot of gaps, anyway, that I had in the plot, and I am happy about that.
So, I am giving Bane siblings. Two much older sisters, two brothers who are 1-2 years apart, and a younger sister who is four or five at the time Lumoon finally leaves home.
His siblings call him Lu, or Moon for short. When they want to be annoying, they call him Moody Moon, or "Lemon" because of his sour outlook ( lemons are "canon" in SW, I checked).
To sum things up briefly, Bane's mother was a kindhearted woman and his father was a gruff workaholic. They both were employed in the factories and rarely had time to spend with their family, but had too many mouths to feed.
Cad gets into trouble quite often. He runs wild in the streets from a young age. Maybe he hooks up with the wrong crowd. Nothing too menacing; some petty theft, vandalism, etc, etc.
His father's angry about it. He refuses to take on work in the factories with him. He wants more for himself. He's not about that grind day in, day out life. Things get so toxic between them that he leaves to make his own way, stops coming home, worries his mother sick, and his little sister to boot.
So much so, his little sister ( talking maybe preschool / kindergartener age ) decides she has to "bring Moon home" and takes it upon herself to find him. She loves her big brother and sorely misses him.
This does not end well. At all. The worst possible scenario unfolds. The first of many tragedies in Cad Bane's life. It deeply affects him. He tries to go to his mother; she isn't the same Duros any longer. She coldshoulders him, ignores him, and she suffers from a broken heart.
Cad blames himself. "She went out to find you and never came home." This time, he really does leave and never returns. I am sure there is a final fight between him and his father that maybe seals the deal. He takes up random jobs, anything that pays, from sex work, to being hired muscle, to thieving, to murder, you name it, as long as the pay is good and it keeps his mind off his own problems.
He learns skills along the way, and he also learns from his mistakes. Things start being a little too easy. He's tired of being bossed around. He wants to be his own boss. So, that's exactly what he becomes.
He decides to try his hand at bounty hunting. He begins to make a name for himself, except, he hasn't. He needs a new one, something intimidating, striking, and rememberable. Plus, he doesn't want his birthname floating around; that makes him vulnerable, as well as the rest of his surviving kin.
Bane's mother, in the early days of his youth, used to scold him for misbehaving. She called him the equivalent of a cad in Durese, and it translated that way from basic, something along the lines of "Lumoon! Quit being such a cad, you naughty boy!"
It means something to him. He feels it embodies what he has become. It is also a tribute to his mother as well as a punishment; something he has to live with and that he brought upon himself.
The next thing you know, one of his many enemies makes a snarky comment, saying to him, "you are the bane of my existence," or simply, "you are a bane!" From there, his new name takes shape in his mind. He thinks if you put two and two together, it sounds kind of nice. It sticks. He starts to introduce himself like that, when before he had only referred to himself as Cad.
Another misfortune befalls him, which I mentioned I wanted him to run into his sister. This would happen off-world somewhere, years later, and during the reign of the Galactic Empire. She would say something to the likes of: "Mom died. She never gave up on you. She waited for you to come home, everyday. I didn't have the heart to tell her I had seen your wanted posters."
It tears him apart for awhile. His second great tragedy. Never getting to reconcile with the Duros who raised him and whom he loved. He harbors this for the rest of his life.
Of course, running in the streets, he learns not to trust people. He's jaded. He gets fucked over a time or two, badly, and by people he thinks he can trust. He develops a shell; a way of looking at the world that allows him to keep his guard up for his own protection.
In that same vein, I believe Bane can love and that he can love hard given the right circumstances. One of the many reasons he's kept from saying it, is because every person he has ever cared about has either turned on him or dies. The galaxy is a harsh mistress. He's afraid of a repeat scenario; he doesn't let himself get close. He tells himself he's better off alone, doesn't need anybody; he prefers to run without a pack.
That is, until he meets Jango.
And, that, my friends, is a whole other story, but I want to add that Cad Bane has bad dreams. Nightmares, even. Visions. Terrible things happen, old memories replay, he is haunted by his past. The sister he couldn't save; the mother he thought had stopped loving him; the father he was never good enough to please.
Hondo compares himself to a sun, and Bane is the moon. This would fuck with him psychologically, and cause him to react unexpectantly should the nickname stick - one that is reminiscent of his childhood. It is Hondo Ohnaka in my story that saves Bane from himself after Fett meets his untimely end.
Jango, Hondo, and Shriv may call him moody from time-to-time, or grumpy, but that also does not sit well, either, considering his past.
Once Jango dies, and once he fails at training Boba, Cad is even more a wreck than before. In my story, he also does not get to reconcile with his old partner and mentor after their falling out. He drinks himself stupid in the presence of Boba to the point the boy gets fed-up and they have their duel.
Bane, in my mind, can't accept Boba as Fett's son; he is a clone; he could never accept the clone contract from the get go - it put a rift in their relationship. This adds more fuel to the "look out for yourself" fire that is his quote in the Book of Boba Fett.
Sorry this got so long-winded, but, I had to get that out as it came to me. Now, to actually write the story all these ideas are for!
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My Girlfriend's Child - The Loneliness of Teen Parents
I'll admit that this is my first real shojo manga read in a very long time. I will say that this is a great title to get back into the shojo game with.
Mamoru Aoi's My Girlfriend's Child is a stand-out manga due to its coverage of an issue that is often misunderstood and/or draws a lot of shame - teen pregnancy.
My Girlfriend's Child is about a high school couple named Kawakami Sachi and Tsukishima Takara. Sachi and Takara are just your regular 16-year olds doing teenage things and learning to navigate adolescence together. However, after one intimate night together, Sachi starts to feel early signs of being pregnant. She takes a pregnancy test and discovers that she is indeed pregnant with Takara's child. The manga covers the two's suddenly complicated journey in learning how to manage their new lives with one they conceived.
What I love about the manga is how it covers Sachi's loneliness once she knows that she's pregnant. She starts to despair over how she will be able to support her child. Sachi also wonders how her education prospects will turn out. She initially thought about having an abortion and felt a great deal of shame on how to tell Takara and her family about it. In the beginning of the story, Sachi was worried about a missing cat named Nora. She somewhat compares Nora's life and the baby's life in a way as she seems to place more value in a cat's life than her own child's.
When Sachi decides to visit a clinic to inquire about an abortion and goes through an ultrasound, she starts to have second thoughts. Sachi finds comfort in Takara, who tries his earnest to be there for her and re-assures her that he'll always be by her side.
After reading the 1st 3 volumes of this manga, I decided to look up research on the mental health of pregnant teenagers. There's not a whole bunch of research on psychosocial interventions to help improve the mental health of pregnant teens or teen parents. A lot of knowledge is missing to fill in gaps for an increasingly under-served group of people.
The manga highlights how support can be helpful while complicated at the same. Takara's mother is shown to lack compassion over Sachi's pregnancy. She blames Sachi to a huge degree for putting Takara into a tough situation. Sachi's mother is happy and is somewhat conflicted on how to best help her as she knows that Sachi has to take responsibility. Sachi's older brother, Kou, tries to be very rational about the pregnancy saying that it's impossible for teenagers to take care of a child.
All of these interpersonal problems start to freak Sachi out as she remarks that there's no future where everyone will be happy. The only guarantee is Takara. I will say that Takara is refreshing because when I hear about teen pregnancy stories, the father is usually out of the picture. But Takara is there every step of the way even when he's not the one who's pregnant. He sadly has to deal with his mother's stress over his relationship with Sachi and is actually kicked out of the house, which makes him remark on how much teens still have to rely on their parents despite craving independence as adolescents.
Girls face so much more mental adversity than boys do because they're "expected" to be married before having children. That's not to say that teen fathers who do care have it that much better. They face a stigma in that they should be "wild and free" while struggling to make ends meet much earlier than they would have liked. There's many socio-ecological factors in play that affect both genders. It does not help that sex education in first-world countries is extremely lacking. Institutions in general seem to treat teenage parents as aberrations that don't deserve support. Children born to teenagers can experience health risks due to teens not being well-versed in various life skills, but people love to blame the parents for that.
I do notice that the manga provides a fresher perspective in that the child of Sachi and Takara might turn out okay. There's a lot of real-life evidence that goes against that, but I think that's because teen parents aren't given positive messaging about their experiences. It's okay for teens to want to be parents if they want to. We don't honor that enough. Parenthood is indeed stressful, but those who welcome it are able to fare better when they are willing to build the strength to do so and have others to help encourage that strength.
My Girlfriend's Child is a very thoughtful series because teen pregnancy isn't really discussed enough and there's definitely a community out there willing to support expectant teen parents. I do feel that teenagers are smarter/better than people think at times and not many people respect that enough. Birth is a part of life that can happen to anyone and teens can make the right decisions for themselves if we let them and respect their ability to do so.
#My Girlfriend's Child#manga#Mamoru Aoi#mental health#teen pregnancy#loneliness#adolescence#teen parents
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From the touches prompts, maybe "falling asleep on the other’s shoulder" for either Hawke? With one another or with whoever fits c:
Hi Laya! :D
Thanks for asking! We got the pair of them, why not. Some coping as they are reaching Kirkwall, why not. I am researching about ships and well, we are on a ship.
Tis the prompt list, if anyone else wants to send me one!
Runaway
Touching - 22. falling asleep on the other’s shoulder
[ Hawke siblings | Post intro, 1950 words - wow it's not long! ]
“It’s my fault.”
Raina said, whispering it as if it was a secret. Thinking better about it, it really wasn’t, everyone was there to see. And yet, saying it any louder would have made it more real, real for everyone around them.
The ship was crammed with people, desperate and fleeing a burning country. It swayed and creaked with the waves, and the air in the hold was stale and filled with whatever nasty smell you may expect from stacking too many humans in the same place for hours and hours on end. Some baby was crying, many people were crying somberly, sobs and hiccups raising in the air, coughs and sneezes covering the waves. The sound and smell of puke was the worst.
And in spite of everything, Raina didn’t hate it. It held some sort of comfort to see that they weren’t alone, that many, many other families had a story similar to theirs. It felt less alone and less heart-breaking not being the only one fleeing Ferelden and facing an unknown future in a different city, a different country, a different anything.
Thinking of it, Raina and her siblings had never seen a city.
Their mother had fallen asleep, holding Bethany in her arms like she would have died too if she let go for a minute.
A metre distant from Raina, which felt… It felt like they were on separate continents. It always felt that way, but right now, the distance felt the starkest, the gap between them the deepest.
And she had to say it out loud: the space was crammed, too crammed, she couldn’t move and she was getting crazy about it. The ship constantly moving felt somehow comforting -it couldn’t stay still either - but she wanted to pace and run.
Garrett at her side huffed and bumped her upper arm with his shoulder.
“Shut it up, would you?” He grumbled, voice pained.
“It’s true. I should have looked back, I charged onward.”
“Me and Beth as well. You weren’t alone, out there. It was an accident.”
He insisted, in that way and tone of voice he had just when he was upset and needed to convince himself as well of something. It didn’t feel much better, hearing that he was flailing himself as well. And how could it? It was even worse than father’s death. At least for father they have all been prepared and expected it to happen.
This…
“I am responsible, Gee. I should have thought about it, you and Beth already had stuff to worry about.”
She vomited, not knowing how to stop or better phrase it. She would cry, if she could: all her tears had exhausted the day Malcolm passed and she realised that her family needed her strong and stable. It left her even antsier, without a way to discharge the pressure and the grief, but there was little to do, right there and then, than talking about it.
“I just… I didn’t think and jumped forward.”
“Raina, please, stop it.”
“No. I should have been more attentive, I should have looked back, or been quicker, and instead I wasn’t and Carver-”
“Raina.”
Garrett punctuated, bumping harder against her arm as soon as she was raising her voice, her breath coming quicker and her foot bouncing frenetically up and down, up and down. She still was sore where a Hurlock had hit her with -thankfully- the flat of its sword, and the movement pulled at the muscle, but she didn’t care, right now. Physical pain was better. Particularly when Garrett used that tone. Father’s tone. Everyone kept saying she was the one who looked the most like him, acted the most like him. But Garrett had his voice, and that particular calming way he had of stopping her train of thoughts from spiralling lower and lower. The comparison and the memory, right now, weren’t sweet. Malcolm would have known what to do -he always knew- and Raina… Raina simply didn’t.
“Listen, not everything is on you. Stop with this convinction that the family depends on you and you alone, ok?”
“I’m the eldest, and mother-”
“-I’m one year younger than you, I’m not a baby. Just, stop. I’m not a child, Bethany isn’t either, and mother…” He sighed, deeply. “… She took a hit. Another one. She didn’t mean anything she said.”
“We all took a hit, Gee.”
“Yes, we did.”
He just replied, and leaned on her, placing a hand on her knee to stop it from bouncing. The weight and warmth brought some comfort, as well as his heavy breathing so close to her ear. It didn’t really help in erasing from right before her eyes the way mother had looked at her, holding Carver’s body close, and how she had yelled that it was all her fault. She didn’t know if that was something she could ever forget: she hadn’t forgotten what happened after Malcolm died, after all. How Mother fell into a pit and left her to pick up the pieces. And when she woke up, she became that much antsier to marry her off, dragged to dinners and meetings one after the other, tried to explain that they needed the protection and the money, they couldn’t lose the farm. And how she stopped speaking to her for 3 days when she beated the last bachelor in Lothering that was interested in her, and that was the end of all the favour the Amell surname could bring them.
She hadn’t forgotten, and she hadn’t forgotten how she had rolled up her sleeves and did thrice the work to keep the farm afloat. And how everything had been pointless, if all it was worth was being the one put to blame for Carver.
The worst thing was that in spite of Garrett, in spite of how much she appreciated him and his attempts to get between his sister and his mother and pacify the situation, the real issue was that a big part of Raina believed Leandra was right.
And in that ship, suddenly she was still out of place, out of time, the wrong person at the wrong time.
“Where you going?”
Garrett asked, drowsily, when Raina gently moved his hand away from her leg to his thigh, shifted his shoulders so he was leaning on the wood and not on her, and rose up.
“I need some fresh air.”
She stepped and hopped through people, slaloming around in a twisted path to the ladder that lead outside. The captain had told them that they shouldn’t do it: people on board not knowing where to stand and what to do could risk getting hurt and hurting others, and make navigation all the more complicated. Particularly since they were so many.
Raina was alone, tho: it couldn’t hurt.
The deck, indeed, was empty: the air was crisp and cold, the smell of salt hit her as the wind ruffled her hair, cut her cheeks and made her close her eyes. It was refreshing and nice, after the heath and the stale smell of the hold.
She closed her coat more closely on her body, crossed her arms to her chest and walked, in search for a place to curl away from the action, away from her family -she loved them, but there was just so much grief, right now- and hopefully away from ghosts, fresh and new.
Walking on a swinging wooden deck, damp and slippery in the night, wasn’t the best. A sailor passed her, grunting her to move, walking briskly as he had glue under his feet. It wouldn’t have been half bad, to be able to do it, she thought. Sailing away to the horizon, never to turn back. A dream, an impossible one.
And then there her spot was: close to the forecastle, a crook between two barrels, happily devoid of ropes and anything much that wasn’t the gunwhale and the floor. The barrels repaired it from the wind, and it mattered not that the deck was totally wet under her butt: she sat down, back against one of the barrels and both feet pressed high on the other, and looked up.
The lights on the ship dulled some of the stars, and the sails, puffed up from the wind, covered others. It was soothing nonetheless: it spoke of late nights in the farm, climbing on the thatched roof and falling asleep there, with the stars blinking up above and the crickets singing her to sleep.
She wanted to scream at the memory and at how much everything had changed. But looking up at the stars she felt little and insignificant: they were still the same constellations she knew, and they still sparkled at her, silent and peaceful. Something in this upside down existence, after all, was still right and at its place, and her problems, her mother that blamed her, Carver dead, the unknown prospects of the future in a city that wasn’t theirs, setting place in mother’s former aristocratic life -more marriages, more nastiness she wasn’t ready for- felt reduced in comparison with the vastness of the sky.
Garrett reached her after a while, grunting and complaining that the place was damp and cold, and that they would have woken up with a damn cold and it was all her fault and she was lucky to have such a good brother to look up for her and who most importantly remembered to bring a blanket.
Raina chuckled, and shifted to make space for him beside her, letting him curl on her shoulder and hugging his own with her arm, tucking him close after he covered the pair of them with the blanket. He circled her waist with his arms and curled against her, sighing. Raina fixed the hem of the blanked to cover him up to his chin. Like they did when they were children, even if he was taller than her and was letting his beard grow. Taking care of him made her feel better, a little bit.
“It’s not that bad, out here, come on.” Raina told him. The roar of the waves was louder and soothing, the creaks of the ship sounded less ominous, and the barrels repaired them from the worst of the wind.
“The stars are pretty.” He grumbled, half asleep. “I still prefer the fields and the smell of grass.”
Raina sighed. She knew it would have been difficult for him most of anyone: Garrett was the one that actually like growing things and working in the farm. He always had been. She hugged him closer. Being closed off and refractory to speaking feelings clearly ran in the family, after all.
“I miss home too.”
“You won’t miss it for long.”
“Why?”
“You always dreamed of getting away.”
Another hit.
“Yeah… Not like this. Not with you.”
“Bullshit.” He huffed, poking her between two ribs. She swatted him in retaliation. “What would you do without me? I would have come with you, of course.”
And that made Raina laugh, and swat him yet again.
“You’re so stupid.”
“Takes one to know one.”
They bickered some more, swatting and poking each other mindlessly. The blanket fell, and it was a while since they both shivered and decided that it was enough.
Still chuckling, they went back in curling against the other, huddling close under the blanket.
It wasn’t the farm’s thatched roof, there were no crickets around, the air didn’t smell like earth, but like salt. And yet, Garrett leaning on Raina’s shoulder, and Raina on Garrett’s head, they fell asleep, cradled by the movement of the ship and brought away by the roaring of the waves.
Tomorrow would have been better.
#dragon age#dragon age 2#da fanfic#hawke#female hawke#dragon age fic#male hawke#da2#raina hawke#garrett hawke#writing petrel
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Shattered Identity.
Chapter one. Chapter two. Chapter three. Chapter four. Chapter five. Chapter six.
Chapter seven: (Not) Gone, but not forgotten.
After the cats were fed, the packers stuff was sorted away, the office was cleaned (rebuilt), Dani went down to the labs to do the final chore she could; Build the hologram. She had been putting this off for several reasons, the biggest being that she didn't want to go into the lab ever again. It might have been her birthplace, but it was also where she found out her family as she had knew it was a lie. Where she discovered she was nothing more than a stepping stone to a 'better' goal, like a child made just so their parents could harvest their organs to replace the failing ones in the body of the parents' “real child”.
The thoughts made her feel angry, disgusted, and… sad.
She wondered if this was why her 'cousin' never told his parents about him being half ghost. Did he fear that they would treat him how Vlad planned to treat her if they knew he wasn't fully human? That they would treat him as… disposable..?
She shuddered and opened the door to the lab, each step feeling heavier and heavier as she descended.
It was cleaner than how she last saw it, no ectoplasm on the floor, the cloning machines were either destroyed or put away, almost no sign that she and her 'brothers' who didn't make it were ever created…
Almost, except for three urns that caught her eye, they were labelled “Aster”, “Brutus”, and “Clav”.
Morbid curiosity led her to open them, finding glowing ashes like she was half expecting. Underneath the urns themselves, there were files labelled 'Deceased'.
'Attempt 23, First cry of “life”. Using my own DNA to fill in the gaps that Danny's left was a terrible idea. The chimera had a case of Ectoplasmic necrosis that was so severe that all the flesh melted off his body almost instantly as soon as he exited the artificial womb. At first I thought he would be like the previous attempts but thankfully, he managed to stabilize himself as a ghost. Although incapable of taking a human form, he is stable and with proper training could be a valuable asset.' Clav's file read. 'Further testing revealed that he is capable of human thought, speech, and even dabbles in the act of creation, all promising signs for the outcome of this project in spite of the many failures.'
'Attempt 46, Et tu, Brutus? Playing it safe, I used Jack's DNA to fill in the gaps. The resulting hulking brute is unfortunately (or fortunately in hindsight) incapable of taking a ghost form and is mentally on par with a violent beast. While his strength and endurance far exceeds normal human limits, It might take weeks before he can learn the difference between food and people, let alone learn English. While a bitter reminder not to repeat my mistake of relying on Jack, a bitter fruit of my labor is better than none at all. Holo-Maddie recommends that I stop, that every failed attempt that melts away into nothing puts me through roughly the same amount of mental anguish a miscarriage does. She doesn't know that while this is painful, it is nothing compared to what I already endured because of Jack ruining my life.'
'Attempt 64, Star survivor. I couldn't stop myself from laughing as this one melted and re-stabilized as a fraction of its intended size. I was so close only to watch perfection melt away before my eyes. SO CLOSE. I held him in my arms as he melted, I do not know how he survived nor do I care at this point. He is here and stable, he is proof that I can make a perfect child, despite all these failures I CAN make that perfect son… I just need a few more tries and after I succeed, I will make Jack feel the pain he forced me to feel, a mere fraction of it, but something that will make it through that thick skull of his. Unfortunately, my work had to be put on hold due to an incident regarding the police being called on me by Holo-Maddie for a 'wellness check' apparently.'
Dani shoved the files back under their perspective urns as if they were on fire, his disregard for himself was… there was no other words she could think of to use for it other than terrifying and insane. He was completely insane, sane people don't… they don't put themselves through this type of thing over and over and over again even if they do get different results.
Close to them, she found a fourth file, one labelled 'MIA'. She bit her lip as she internally questioned whether or not she wanted to open it. On one hand, this was how she could find out if he really cared for her as his daughter, even the slightest bit but on the other hand…
She took a deep breath in, and opened the file.
'Attempt 97, Darling Princess. She's perfect, the closest one I've made that came to being a truly perfect child. At first I was concerned that I had unintentionally used foreign DNA in the gaps again but under closer inspection, double checking her strains, as well as investigating the Gene Donor's past, I discovered that she is indeed my most successful attempt. In hindsight, how did I not see this before?! The other surviving male clones are not true clones, but chimeras; one made with my DNA in addition to Daniel's, one with Jack's, and the third with foreign DNA that I strongly suspect is Skulker's. She is younger than intended by two years, but her testing proves that she is far above and beyond my expectations, she even appears to have similar interests as Daniel does, which was unexpected as I hadn't made those neuron connections in her mind, but happily welcomed. With her creation, I can finally stop. Thank the Ancients, this has been the most exhausting project of my entire life.'
She turned the page, knowing that this wasn't the end.
'I spoke too soon. The day after I had thought it was finally time to stop, I discovered her in her room half melted. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong! She was perfect! She was supposed to be perfect! I can't do this anymore! I admit it, I'm too weak! It's over!'
'After this project is done, I will be removing Holo-Maddie's access to emergency phone numbers.'
'Danielle appears to have no memory of the events after her first emergence out of her chamber, it is unknown whether this is because of memory loss induced by both enduring one traumatic event and witnessing another imminently after or because her reconstructed brain simply didn't make those neuron connections. Either way, I wont make the same mistake I did last time by getting too attached too quickly, while the best case scenario would involve getting to save her, it seems that the most likely scenario is that she will destabilize and fall apart once again, except this time she might end up unsalvageable..'
'According to Holo-Maddie's data, I need a mid-morph sample of Danny's DNA to complete this. Now that I have all the puzzle pieces in place, now that I finally know everything I need to to make the perfect clone of Danny, I can restore and complete my family.'
Dani put the file back on its shelf where she found it, not sure how to feel. She now knew that it was true that Vlad really did love her deep down, that he loved all of them to an extent, instead of forgetting her brothers altogether, he named them, he mourned them even if she didn't see it, he gave them their own urns… But if she listened to Vlad, if she overshadowed Danny and forced him to morph and if she survived, would she have been happy with this family Vlad wanted…? Whether she was loved or not, Vlad was mentally unstable and despite his well-groomed exterior, he took better care of his cats than he did himself. Could she handle the stress of knowing that her father was on the brink of taking himself out and taking other people down with him almost all the time? And could she handle the guilt of knowing that he took Danny's life not just to save her and the perfect brother that was never meant to be, but to hurt somebody else..?
At the very least, she knew that she had to give Vlad an ultimatum after the funeral: While she will give him another chance, he has to go to therapy or she's leaving him on his own for good. Regardless of if he had regeneration-induced amnesia or was a clone with more than the typical amount of his donor's memories in tact, it was very obvious to her that he still has major issues.
But first things first: The hologram, she's stalled more than long enough.
The only light in the hallways and other rooms was the soft pinkish glow of the ectoplasm encasing Vlad's left arm in some sort of makeshift weapon. It wasn't the charged beam of an ectoblast, but rather some sort of crystalized, spear-like structure ready to impale any intruders the on-edge halfa spotted.
He noticed the much barer looking walls of the estate (proof to him that he had been robbed), he noticed that the cats were fed before he could feed them (the robbers might have bribed Carmella and Maud for their silence as the former would've yowled like no tomorrow and the latter would've sought him out and gotten his attention otherwise.), he passed by the office and saw it's repaired state, that caught him off guard for a moment, he couldn't see the point of robbers going out of their way to fix this, he doubted the strange semi-living ectoplasmic creations of his was capable of doing this either, Danny and his friends surprising him with this might be a nice thought, but they weren't the type to help him out just because they could…
…Except for Danielle, who saw him as a brother like this and felt remorse over destroying the office.
The makeshift weapon on his arm faded to nothing as he continued to put pieces together, unless he was targeted by the second-biggest packers fan in the world, it would've made no sense for the thieves to only steal his packers related stuff (and the packed boxes that seemingly came out of nowhere that he wasn't paying attention to before did have the familiar colors of green and gold in them), his cats were too picky to be easily swayed by any ol' bribe… Dani stayed must've stayed in the house and decided to help out.
No… no betrayal to his knowledge, no reward that he was aware of that she wanted… she was just helping him out because she saw that he had a lot on his plate regarding the situation and wanted to help.
Because they were family, and… family helps each other.
KKKKKKSSSSSSHHHHHH…
His ears perked as he noticed light coming from the door to the lab. That's strange, packing up things, feeding animals, and fixing broken things were obvious things to take care of, but what on earth was she doing down there?
He opened the door and made sure his footsteps were light as to not grab her attention too soon.
Carefully,
carefully…
When he made it down to the lab, he was greeted with a strange sight: his older self made out of flickering filtered lights.
“I spoke too soon…” His older doppelganger spoke with a somber tone. “The day after I had thought it was finally time to stop, I discovered her in her room half melted.” His breathing hitched as both of them covered their faces, the hologram holding his head in his hands while the living halfa covered his mouth in shock 'his' voice getting louder and louder as he was losing it. “I just don't know what I'm doing wrong! She was perfect! She was supposed to be perfect! I can't do this anymore! I admit it, I'm too weak! It's over!”
He didn't say it out loud on that day, but if he did, that… would've been how he would've said it. And the way he lost his composure… While it also matched up with his actions on that day, seeing it through an outsider's perspective was chilling. He really was that far gone… At the time he was irritated that Holo-Maddie called the police reporting an attempt, but now he could see why she did it.
It was terrifying…
He was terrifying…
As the hologram flicked off, Danielle noticed the gobstruck older teen still mentally processing what he just saw.
“Jack! I uh… I overheard that you needed a hologram and I figured 'why don't I take a shot at it?' I mean… Holo-Vlad doesn't have a proper AI yet, or a Plasmius form, but it's a pretty solid first draft!” She smiled nervously at him, internally wishing that he didn't walk in on that emotion test given from what she could see of the older ghost's expression.
“A really good one!” He smiled at her, genuinely impressed. Existential crisis from witnessing himself from an outsider's perspective be damned, she really did a good job. “We don't need an AI as advanced as Holo-Maddie or Holo-Jack for him, an AI designed just to read out given scripts and emote as needed is perfect for the job! You did great!”
“Really?! You think so?”
“Yeah! It was like looking in a m- -er, a recording of security camera footage! And you didn't even use the spare Holo-generator! You made your own!” He gestured to the machine that the hologram came out of which he knew for a fact he did not build.
“Holo-Maddie helped.” She admitted.
“Yeah, but you still built it, stop downplaying yourself, squirt.” He ruffled her hair playfully before scooping her up. “In short, great job, great progress, but also, it's 2am and both of us need to go to bed.”
“Hey, are we at a point in our relationship where both of us can insult each other and know that it doesn't come out of a place of malice but affection displayed in a playfully rude way?”
“Eh… Sure, I guess.”
“Okay good.” She nodded before squirming in his grip. “Now put me down cheese-face!”
“Yeah, yeah, your human half will thank me.” he rolled his eyes.
“And what about my ghost half?” She smirked
“Will also thank me, doesn't matter if sleep is a placebo for ghosts, a well-rested ghost is a ghost who's a lot less likely to pass out from exhaustion and get jumped by ghost hunters.”
“Coming from the guy who hasn't slept since he was made.” She stuck her tongue out at him.
“I never said it was a good thing that I did.” he shrugged and took her to her room, putting her down right by the door. “Holler if you need anything, okay? I'll be either in the master bedroom or the guest room by the kitchen.”
“Okay.” She nodded as Jack left.
The room was in pristine condition unlike how she had left it, not even a speck of dust accumulated; a bed with star patterned blankets and a moon themed stuffed bunny, models of spaceships left half finished on her desk, a bookshelf with comics and video games neatly stacked on it, the TV mounted to the wall was replaced as the first one was blown up. It was welcoming, yes, but didn't feel like home. She never thought she'd see this place again willingly, but it seemed that fate was a weird thing at times.
She did her nightly routines and got in bed, the exhaustion of the long day finally catching up with her and the bed nice and comforting.
“Mwarh?” Maud 'honked' as she jumped up on the bed and started kneading the blankets on her legs. “Mrrp.”
“G'night, Mauddy.” Dani muttered as the cat curled up on her leg and started to drift to sleep.
…
The clock on her nightstand read 10:03 am when she woke up to the absence of a cat on her and the faint sounds of someone tinkering in the kitchen. Still groggy, she stretched and got out of bed, valuing breakfast above the other morning routines for now.
“And lets say that the ghost in question is one that you want to keep alive and conscious while extinguishing its fire. Would the… 'Fenton heckfire extinguisher' try to also extinguish the ghost or just weaken it?” The older halfa asked over the phone. “Oh hold on, I'll have to call you back.” He hung up. “Morning Sleepyhead” Jack greeted her as the blanket-wrapped girl walked into the kitchen. “Ready for a lot of errands?”
“Mph.” Was her incoherent reply as she sat at the kitchen's island, still mentally waking up before realizing that the older teen was cooking the breakfast of eggs and sausage by holding the pan like how a waiter would hold a plate, the hand underneath the pan glowing a bright magenta while the eggs and meat sizzled away. “YOU HAVE FIRE POWERS?!” She gawked at the casual use of supernatural abilities, something that normally in the Masters estate would've been the norm.
“No, right now this is just heated ectoplasm. It's a whopping 150 degrees Fahrenheit, sure, but no fire involved. However, this could become fire powers overtime with the right training…”
“I've never seen Vlad use fire powers before! Do you think that this means clones could develop different powers from their genetic donors?”
Sure, she didn't forget that Jack might not be a clone, but there had to be enough overlap in their situations to warrant asking.
“We both have- had fire cores but -I'm pretty sure the elemental aspects of his was stunted- …Due to… something… That's probably why you didn't see him use them. He couldn't even if he wanted to.” Vlad took a plate out of the cupboard and shook the eggs and sausages out of the pan and onto it. “But from what I saw of the notes of some of the other clones, Clav had a 'void core' whatever that is, Brutus had a neutral or elementless core that he was unable to use at all, and Aster had a metal core. I don't know what your core is, but considering how you and Danny didn't come into existence as halfas with the same method, I think that you developing powers different from his is less a question of 'if you will get different powers' and more a question of 'when will you get different powers'.”
“Really?!” she beamed.
“Yeah, after we get the errands taken care of we can even screen your core to figure out what type it is and stuff like that.”
“Thank you!” She pounced on the older teen in a hug.
“Careful! I'm still using myself as a stove!”
“Sorry!” She got off of him. “…So when did you find out you had these powers?”
“…When I accidentally set my bed on fire.” He sheepishly muttered. “Don't worry, I put it out before it got out of hand.”
Carmella hissed at him as if to say 'before it got out of hand my tail! look what you did to my beautiful fur coat!' before going back to grooming a singed patch of fur, the rest of the cat herself thankfully unharmed.
“Sorry…” He picked at his bath robe sleeves while the cat groomed herself and 'glared' at him.
Dani got herself some of the eggs and a waffle from the fancy waffle maker, drizzling the former in ketchup and the latter in strawberry syrup.
“So after this are we going to work on Holo-Vlad?”
“Nah, I'm going to get the documents taken care of and get some funeral preparations taken care of. You're free to come along or stay, but its not going to be fun.” He shrugged. “But if there's something you want to add to it, you can either come along, tell me what you want, or give me a call if you think of anything.”
“What would I want to add?”
“You know, flower types, food catered at the event, stuff like that.”
“Oh right.” She hummed in thought.
She knew that Vlad was a little… unstable to put it lightly the last time he thought he was left alone, but he might do better when he had tasks to occupy his mind and an image to keep up going out and about in public, but just in case, she might want to keep an eye on him, just to make sure he didn't have another breakdown but at the wrong place and time.
“Sure! I'll come!”
“Alright, get ready after you finish eating.”
She gave him a thumb's up and the two focused on their breakfasts.
___
Vlad was by no means a movie critic or anyone who made a living off of watching films and discussing them, but he did see enough to familiarize himself with the troupe of someone attending their own funeral, be it by strange or supernatural circumstance. Maybe if the doctors back then got their way, he also would have attended his own funeral as a full ghost twenty years ago.
Without foresight that troupe typically doesn't involve the deceased planning out their own funeral, getting all of the arrangements and documents done (a task which was semi-interrupted by the box ghost), going to morticians to ask about details, getting the police called and an investigation which unexpectedly turned up with nothing except a stirring pot of buzzing rumors among Amity's townsfolk.
It was strange to him, to be only one of two people planning out the funeral for himself. A sickening reminder that while he died as an important man, he did not die genuinely loved by anyone, not even his own living daughter. (He doubted Dani would go out of her way to do this if she alone would do it.) Even his 'sons' who the world would see as mindless animal-like ghost minions didn't get this fate. They died loved by their father even through the vitriol he felt for them at the time, watching so many failures time after time after time felt like madness…
He felt weird emotions looking at his own future tombstone that was waiting to be engraved. In those tangles of emotions he could name a sense of sorrow, bitterness, anger, and a strange peace, something sobering and tranquil. Like watching natural disasters destroy everything you known and loved, and watching them all fade away. The life you had known and cherished before was gone, but the chaos, the pain, the loss… that was over too.
Something that made his situation more… real. That after this was done, even if there was a way to somehow reverse this irreversible situation, he couldn't take it even if he wanted to, not unless he wanted to raise a lot of unnecessary questions.
He wasn't dead, at least, not entirely, but at the same time he was. But this time not in the sense that he was a halfa.
From this point onward, Vlad Masters was dead and gone for good.
"So Kid, what's the stone going to say?"
"Here lies Vladimir Masters; Gone, but unforgettable."
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Family
I’m running sort of late in my timezone, but here is a little something for day 3 of @rfaromance‘s Holiday Event!
How do you describe the relationship that has grown between these five strangers, all initially brought together just to throw parties? From the outside, it’s easy to write off their relationships as superficial, but look a little deeper and you’ll find that the RFA has formed a family of its own in the years they’ve been together.
Over her years of working as his assistant, Jaehee has come to know Jumin very well. Yes, he is the cause of much irritation, and doesn’t seem to understand standard work hours, but she wouldn’t consider him a bad boss. She, more than anyone else, can tell when he is distracted or distressed and has learned the best workarounds.
Zen keeps an eye on Yoosung, offers an escape and his support when everything in life becomes too much. He does his best to be the brother he never had (and secretly relishes having someone to take care of). In return, Yoosung cooks them meals that are better than what Zen has eaten in a week. They keep each other balanced.
Seven goes missing for days at a time, and despite whatever they might tell him, they’re not sure how to fill the uncomfortable silence he leaves behind in the chat. They can’t do anything but hope he’ll return to them sooner rather than later. When inevitably he does, they pretend to tolerate his dramatic stories recounting his adventures (and all the while breathe a sigh of relief).
They don’t see each other often enough. Jumin organizes meetings so he can see them in person and make sure that everything is alright and that nobody has gotten lost along the way (though it’s been getting worryingly close once or twice). He isn’t sure how to reach them all and tell them how much he worries about them, so instead he tells them to make sure they sleep and eat enough.
Yoosung visits Seven’s house often. His excuse is that he wants to play games, but he really just wants to see Seven’s face. It’s easy to pretend to be energetic and happy behind a screen, but in real life, Seven has deep dark circles and smiles without much conviction. He cooks for him too, and takes note of how his fridge is almost always empty. He leaves only when he’s sure that Seven is looking somewhat better. In return, Seven helps him with difficult coursework, and always offers a place to run when his little dorm room gets too suffocating.
Jumin and Zen have a difficult time understanding each other, but don’t mistake it for hate (no matter what Zen says). They don’t see eye to eye, but they try to bridge the gap in their own ways. When Jumin isn’t offering money or opportunities to Zen, he’s asking questions about he industry and listening intently. Zen’s world is so different to his own, and it fascinates him. He admires Zen for being able to navigate a place like that. He can relate to being pursued for what he has to offer people and not for the person he is. Zen would hate to admit it, but he’s impressed by everything Jumin has on his plate. He knows that if something goes wrong, he can rely on him for support.
Zen and Jaehee compare schedules every week to try and find a slot to meet up for coffee. It doesn’t often happen, but when it does, they can easily spend a whole afternoon catching up. He encourages her to vent about working under Jumin, and she enjoys geeking out about the latest show he’s starring in. He reserves whatever merch he can for her and makes sure the family tickets he’s allowed are given to her. Seeing her face smiling up at him from the audience makes him feel proud. If he can make someone as put-together and professional as her so happy, he must be doing something right.
Sure, they all started off as strangers. Sure, they have their differences (they’d be the first ones to tell you that). But they are now so much more than that. They are a family who will always be rooting for each other.
#better late than never right?#rfaholiday2022#mystic messenger#mystic messenger RFA#mystic messenger seven#mystic messenger jumin#mystic messenger yoosung#mystic messenger Jaehee#mystic messenger Zen#mysme seven#mysme jumin#mysme zen#mysme yoosung#mysme jaehee#my writing
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Bellarke and leadership
something i wanna talk about now that I’m rewatching s1 and perhaps awfully late realizing for the first time is the part about leadership and especially when it comes for Bellamy and Clarke to take up on those roles.
While yes, it’s true that when Clarke comes down, she tries to take charge and make the others listen to her, I don’t believe she’s in an absolute leadership position, not even when they decide to banish Murphy in 1x04. It’s interesting for her because the progression that’s happening there for her is a bit different-she loses her dad, then she’s locked up, then she comes to earth where she does try to take care of the people but in fact just kind of gets caught up in some personal problems. The first of which is the one with her mom, dad and Wells-it takes some time figuring out what happened there. The other one is a newly created problem that is Finn, falling in love with him, then Raven coming down and her having to first swallow down her feelings for him and then save his life and keep doing that for the good of him and Raven as she can see how much they mean to each other.
In other words, I don’t think she fully assumes the role as a leader until 1x07/ or maybe I dare say 1x08 where she 1st-decides to agree on torturing Lincoln for information which is a big step, a leader step where the decisions weigh on you and it’s not just maps and runnign around trying to find Mount Weather or being in the weird dynamic place beteween an old friend who’s in love with you and a new guy who’s interested in you.
She actually takes a step towards real leadership there and later absolutely fills in those shoes when she meets Anya.
But What I want to talk about here is Bellamy. I believe he assumes the real leadership position at first and carries it on a bit longer before Clarke joins him in. That is of course, a product of the circumestances-he has taken charge a long time ago when his mom put his sister in his hands and told him she was his responsibility. She makes him name Octavia and take care of her, promising to keep her quiet and safe. The whole reason why we were lucky enough to have a Blake siblings flashback was, I believe, because of that-showing where it all came for for Bellamy but not just the understandting behind his current actions (aka taking off the wristbands for his love for his sister) but also why he fits in the leadership position from the moment they hit the ground.
He had already been a parent and a leader for the past seventeen years. With a mom who made sure she did just enoug hto survive but offered no love, he had to fill in a gap between Auora and Octavia, while putting himself away from experiencing what a real family was in order to take proper care for his sister and please his mother.
When he comes to the ground he tries to ensamble his people, then convinces them taking off the wristbands is good for them (even though he is indeed trying to save himself here FOR Octavia, a part I think people forget often), he surrounds himself with people he trusts but also helps built this camp-organizes the delinquents to build a wall (remember 1x04 “If it wasn’t for her, those idiots would still be building a wall” when he talks about Clarke saying the truth about Wells;), He quickly realizes what’s good for the people-the truth and omitting it in the case with Charlotte because it will safe them in this unstable situation; He cares for them which is shown when he goes out to look for Octavia and Roma and Mbege die. (I hate when ppl say he only started caring about the delinquents later-he did, from the beginning), he went hunting with them, made them work on rations, etc.
He also makes some very big leadership mistakes-the first one being hanging Murphy and the second one-throwing the radio away in the river when Raven lands. Now that second one is a really big and very heavy decision, one that Clarke if you think about it doesn’t get to make until the end of the season where she agrees on Raven using the hydrozyne to kill the grounders. Yes, he does make it so he can save himself but his personal decision weighs on the whole camp because if the rest of the Ark doesn’t come down, how do they survive. The whole conversation with Jaha in 1x08 where he hallucinates him just proves all that. While for Clarke it’s her dad she sees and misses, Bellamy is the one already beating himself up for mistakes akined to someone who’s ruling and leading. (and who feels the same amount of guilt the council on the Ark does, aka the parallels between Kane and Bellamy starting here)
Then there comes Lincoln and I think that’s the moment that kind of glues Bellamy and Clarke as leaders which is concluded in 1x08 when they bring the guns back home and it’s quite clear and established who is in charge of those kids.
That is where they take their first big decision together (yes, I scartch Murphy because while he was a hard choice, he was one of them, he made mistakes, a kid died because of him and banishing him was the only thing they could figure out at the moment but Lincoln is an outsider, a grounder, the enemy. And this is their first time trying to decide how to deal with that.) You could see how new in it all they were, how uncertain-they argue and they do not want to do any of that. They are both mentally torn-you could tell so by the looks in their eyes but they’re also fighting with the new reality-the one where the world is cruel and those people out there already killed 10 of their friends and what is there to do?
What is the RIGHT thing?
And all of that was solidified in the last conversation they have in 1x07 where Bellamy picks her hand holding the screw he put in Lincoln’s hand and he says “Who we are and who we need to be to survive are very different things.” I believe this is the first time he’s being honest with her, basically screaming ‘I am not this person, I am not a killer, I’m not a torturer but I have to be this now. For my sister. For us. Do you understand?” but she’s lost herself and doesn’t know what to respond so he adds, shyly, almost as if he didn’t want to give himself away “It’s not easy being in charge, is it?” because he already HAS been in charge but now she truly IS too. Finally, in that moment.
#bellarke#bellarkeedit#the100edit#bellamyblakeedit#meta#the100 meta#idk why im writing this#it's been on my mind for two days so i had to let it out sorry
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Omg thank you for answering my ask! 😭🩷
To be honest, as much as I don't want the notion that Ominis died alone in the 1920's (or worse, probably killed), I also have the morbid curiosity to actually know what happened to him; canon-compliant wise. I mean, I could understand why the developers said he died just before Tom Riddle was born. It was out of convenience for the actual HP plot, that Voldemort truly was the last Gaunt out there. I think that's lazy writing but what's worse than that is the fact that Ominis seems like a character that was made to "fill in the blanks" of other people's stories. And that hurt me more than anything.
I suppose this is the reason why I'm personally as invested in the whole Gaunt family line as you are. It's either I'm in denial that what we know about his fate is truly what it is, or there's definitely something more to this. I believe there is a reason why Ominis is blind in the whole HL lore. If Avalanche decides to continue this game into a franchise, it would be extremely wise on their part if they dig super deep into all the characters' background — especially Ominis' and Sebastian's. There's too much plot holes in this that I can't imagine the developers leaving unexplored.
As a lot of people say, having the Gaunt Manor scrapped in the storyline was a bad decision because Ominis' character is such a goldmine for all of us. Just my ramblings I'm so sorry for spamming you 😖
I'm extremely happy to talk to you about all of this—no need to apologize, thank you for the second ask!! 💚
Yeah, the fact that Ominis even exists surprises me, given how much thought they put into adhering to canon. They were so careful with so many details that I also simply can't accept something wild doesn't happen with this boy in one way or another. Unless I missed a social media post, I don't think the devs have ever explicitly said he dies before Tom Riddle and it's purely extrapolation based on book canon? I'm very bad at keeping up with social media tho so if an official source did explicitly say it somewhere please let me know haha.
He definitely feels like a character that was just made to fill in gaps for other characters for sure, but it makes me happy that, as an NPC, he's second only to Sebastian in terms of fandom popularity. But I can understand why it would hurt anyway. I've definitely felt that with other characters in other fandoms and it's not fun.
I'll be real, I have been participating in fandoms for a very long time and I have a strong track record of being head over heels for the characters that audiences aren't supposed to get attached to (villains, unpopular characters, narratively insignificant characters, characters who die... usually all of the above...). Eventually, I learned that canon could make me sad and dampen my enjoyment, which has happened a couple times until I actually left those fandoms because I was too sad, or I could just say "well nuts to that, I don't like this one thing, so I'm doing my own thing." I absolutely understand the need to hold onto that canon compliance tho, I certainly used to be in your position with this kind of thing. And if more focus on canon compliance is what makes you happy, absolutely go for it—we all need to approach the source material in the way that makes us happiest. Fandom should be about having fun, after all :)
For me, I enjoy the mental exercise of remaining as canon-compliant as possible while also filling in the gaps with whatever I want. Like oh, canon very clearly implies Ominis died in/before the 1920s? Well to that I say "everyone else in-universe merely thinks he died and he's actually living a very happy, quiet life in the countryside with his spouse and kids because it makes me happy" lol.
Thank you again for the ask! I love getting to yammer endlessly about stuff like this with others and I adore getting to hear others' perspectives on this stuff. My inbox is always open for convos like this 💚
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Found a recorded performance of the Frankenstein musical and so naturally I have more thoughts to share about it
(Sort of a continuation on this post)
Like I've said before, the changes they make from canon in the musical always serves a very real purpose for the sake of the medium they're telling the story in, like the origins of the creature. Because, they'd have to have just one guy play him so it makes sense, and I really like how they executed it. It's made in such a way that it doesn't feel out of place at all, or jarring, as some adaptive changes very much can. So that's very exciting!! But it does, however, make him even more tragic. So, ouch.
This part. Just very fun lyrically. The condemned man asking for his creator (God) to claim him before he dies, and then after his execution, Victor does. So simple yet so effective. I love this musical. (Also just the rest of that line as well. The man accepts his death, only wishing for his cruel life to be over. Despite that, Victor continues and prolongs it, and consequently only fills it with more pain and suffering. Will not analyse and reflect on the "I'll trust in you" bit of the line as I believe that would cause me to implode. Thank you for your understanding)
Whoever decided that the same instrumental would play for Your Father's Eyes and Amen (Reprise), I HATE YOUUU. I AM IN SHAMBLES. Not only did they have the line "Forgive this foolish father" in there, but the fucking parallel itself of Victor's father reassuring him vs Victor seeking the creature's grace is gonna be the end of me. Genuinely. I am so so weak for family dynamics, this is NOT fair.
So far I have not found a single Frankenstein adaptation that doesn't do Henry Clerval outrageously dirty. People just hate friendships fr. I get that they change him for drama reasons, and to make him less like the other characters (since they all pretty much serve the same purpose, and therefore interact with Victor the same way. Changing some of them to interact differently with him adds some more dynamic to it all, which I do understand but it still annoys me). Henry absolutely adores him, and more importantly respects and wholeheartedly trusts him. Henry's death plays for the same reason as all the other deaths in the story: to hit Victor where it hurts and further fuel his grief and anger. Which, again, I get why you'd want more drama out of it. But the Clerval slander, man D: The slander.
Where are the adaptations with an overly affectionate Clerval?? The Clerval who cares for Victor in sickness and in health without asking any questions whatsoever, the Clerval who would rather be next to his best friend on his absolute lowest possible point than with strangers who lift him up indefinitely??? The Clerval who is always there when he's allowed, but respects Victor's wishes for the contrary when asked???? WHERE are the adaptations in which Clerval's trusting nature and his affections towards Victor is what makes him the creature's target??????? That CAN make good drama if you're not a COWARD. Oh yes, family bonds broken from the death of William, tragic. Oh no the loss of his romantic love in Elizabeth, how sad. But his friendship with Clerval?? Eh, just do whatever seems the most interesting. It's basically a gap to be filled with anything, really (/s). And, I mean, it could be. And I get it. But every goddamn time?? Friendships aren't boring dynamics. They have just as much love and pain as romantic and familial bonds, again, if you're not a coward. That is my main critique, because they really didn't need to do that honestly. But eh, whateverr, it's finee, I'm coolll. I just wish people would just let men be pals more often. Just let em be bros. Pls.
Anyway. The creature's origins also ties really well into how Victor would get his materials for the female version, since in the musical that whole bit is directly after Justine's trial (and the fem creature is played by her actress, at least in the version I watched, which seems reasonable).
Hm. I wonder if there was a time skip in there. Coulda been since the trial is in very end of act 1 and The Modern Prometheus is first thing in act 2, so the break could have functioned as a time skip I suppose. But if not, that would mean all of his guilty moping, which passed that time in between, in the book, wouldn't have happened in the musical version. Not even off-screen. Which does add up, I suppose, since I complained last time about how that whole portion of the story being overlooked by The Modern Prometheus anyway. Could expain why he was surprisingly easy to convince to make a second attempt at creating life. He wasn't quite as regretful, and the dream hadn't been dead for quite as long. Huh. Well I guess that doesn't matter then. Fair enough.
This specific performance of the musical painted Victor as this particularly selfish, pathetic little man and I'm kinda obsessed. I mean, obviously he kinda is in the book as well, but they really went all out. Especially on this one part (during The Proposition, I think) where the creature just grabs him by the collar, almost lifts him up and then throws him on the ground. Such a small little man. A little guy but slash neg. Short guy energy, but filled to the brink with self righteousness and the aspirations of greatness, mostly just for the sake of greatness. Very hubris indeed (especially as he clearly clings onto that hope of greatness, as showed in The Modern Prometheus). I mean he has enough empathy to feel human and real but man is he a little freak. That's almost peak blorbo material right there.
Also, the musical honestly drove home the theme of hubris better to me than the book did. Like, it was obviously prominent in the book as well, but Frankenstein's hubris in that only lasted for around a quarter of it at most. Then the rest of it was him just cursing himself for it in silence and hoping the world would just take him out of his misery already. Which is also peak blorbo material. But, a musical wouldn't have executed that particular well I don't think, so what they ended up doing was great. Again, adaptations whose main changes are made in favour of the medium are the best kinds of adaptations. The ones that preserve a lot of the story, or emphasize parts of it, while adapting it to fit their way of storytelling. The musical is one of those. It's pretty close to the book but most importantly it conveys the same ideas, shares the same vibes and tells the story of a longwinded book in such a way that it feels as if it always was a musical. And that, in my oh so humble opinion, is what makes it so good.
But ah. Oof. The ENDING. Alright, so- there was a lot of context to stuff that didn't quite land with me until I actually watched the thing, and the ending was one of those. Is it accurate to the book? No. Is it GREAT? I mean, that's a matter of taste, but I would definitely say so. But then again, I am weak to family dynamics. See, I didn't realise The Coming of The Dawn was practically just Victor having a parental epiphany. So you mean to tell me he travelled to the arctic in a haze of rage, and then that all that anger shimmered down into grief somewhere within that fatigue and exhaustion, and he kept going only to apologise on his deathbed?
Ah. Hahahah. Haha.
Yeah, no, I'm fine. I'm good. Especially with how the creature reacted to it, assuming to find his creator in the midst of the cold, forstbitten and crawling his way forwards with nothing but the desperation of revenge. Assuming to find hate and violence, and instead finding a grieving father using his last breath to seek forgiveness where he already knows there might be none. I'm especially fine with how caught off guard the creature is at that, not really sure how to handle that emotion, that sudden, unfamiliar softness. And then the regret seeping in, the grief upon gaining all he truly wanted (his father's love) and losing it just as quickly. And it was his fault, and it was too late to take it back (HMMMM parallels. Victor almost,, turns their dynamic upside down in a way).
Frankenstein still comes to a sort of peace of mind at the end of the book, but not asking forgiveness. He asks Walton to continue his hunt for the creature even. It may not be passionatly said, but it's still his dying wish. That "yeah I'd appreciate to see him wiped off the face of the earth but also, I get that it's kind of a big thing to ask of someone so I wouldn't blame you if you didn't". Then the creature comes, after his death, and talks some of his own sincere thoughts before running off with Victor to die somewhere (which, I would assume, is what These Hands have drawn inspiration from and just moved around. Which is wonderful. It flows better that way anyhow). It's totally not heartbreaking at ALL, I'm FINE, I'm GOOD.
Ahhg. And then the Workings of The Heart parallels and instrumental. Fucking hell. I could go on about that, I feel, but again. Gonna refrain from that as I would probably implode if I were to try.
Victor in the musical goes from being far more selfish and hubris-inflicted than book!Victor, to being empathetic enough to beg at the feet of the murderer of all his friends and family, for grace. Book!Victor is a lot more steady in his emotional journey in comparison (which really does say something), and both versions are great. Ahhg, the musical is such a masterpiece. Honestly.
Alright. As a reward for reading all of that, he's the links to act 1 and act 2, the version I watched, in case y'all wanna watch them too. The expressions and emotions are definitely the highlight :)
#Frankenstein#frankenstein the musical#scatterbrained rambles#frankenstein brainrot#mary shelly's frankenstein
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carbonatedcunt
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