#here I was thinking she could be ok again with treatment and time to recover. That might be a much longer timeline than I thought. Fuck
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trying to figure out the most concise way to google if my sister is going to be charged with attempted murder
#Trying to kill yourself with your children in the car is attempted murder right? Jesus Christ#I’ve never heard about what happens in these types of situations when the attempt isn’t successful#here I was thinking she could be ok again with treatment and time to recover. That might be a much longer timeline than I thought. Fuck
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Chapter Seven- Guilty Tears
Arthur Leclerc x Sofia Sine
->goodbye's have never been so hard for Arthur and Sofia, but this goodbye in particular held so much more behind it.
warnings: mentions of cancer, fighting cancer alone, mentions of death, I think that's it but please let me know if there is anything else, I don't know how cancer treatments actually go, I only ever heard of bits and pieces so if anything is wrong, I am sorry, I'm writing a fictional story regardless.
word count: 1500
a/n: I sobbed writing this one, sorry bestie boos
Seven days post treatment and Sofia was finally feeling somewhat normal again.
This past treatment had taken a toll on her, knocking her off of her feet for five days straight- only waking up to go to the bathroom or to try to get some food and water in her system.
Despite only sleeping most days, Arthur had never left her side once. Every time Sofia woke up, Arthur was in her bed, at her desk doing work, or even sitting on the floor reading a book.
Sofia had told him countless times that he didn’t have to stay- that there were far more interesting things he could be doing than being cooped up in an apartment with her all week long while she slept her treatment pains away- but Arthur insisted on staying.
When Sofia had finally been able to keep her eyes open for longer than an hour at a time, the two of them would watch a movie, talk about the upcoming F2 season, and eat food as long as Sofia could stomach it.
Sofia had appreciated Arthur’s company, it made the idea of treatments and recovery just a little bit more bearable, though she knew it wouldn’t last for long.
In a weeks time, the F2 season would be underway and Arthur would be home less and less, meaning that she would have to attend her treatments alone, recover from them alone, and fight off this horrible illness alone.
The thing she hated the most about it though was the fact that she would be unable to attend any of the races this year- at least not for the first half of the season.
Due to the intensity and side effects of her treatment, Dr. M had put Sofia on a strict no traveling ban.
Thankfully though, F2 did race in Monaco and she would be able to see parts of the track from her bedroom window, but that wasn’t the same as attending a grand prix weekend with him.
When Arthur came into Sofia’s room late that Wednesday night, she knew it was him coming to say goodbye. Arthur would be gone for three weeks, having no time to fly back home and visit in between race weekends.
Sofia looked up from her book and saw Arthur standing in the doorway of her room, his face holding an expression of sadness and sorrow- almost as though he felt guilty for having to leave her.
Arthur smiled sadly, walking over to her bed before sitting on the edge of it and picking up her hand gently. “I’ve gotta go… my flight leaves in an hour”
Sofia put her book down and nodded a little, her eyes meeting his for a moment. “Ok, have fun, I’ll be watching every session, you know that”
Arthur nodded and looked down at their hands as he felt himself getting emotional. “I’m sorry I won’t be here for your next treatment… I really tried to get some time off to fly here for the day but it’s just not possible…”
Sofia squeezed his hand a little and nodded. “It’s ok, Art. I understand. You’ve got a busy season this year, I can’t expect you to be here with me 24/7 nor can I expect you to be able to come with me to every appointment”
Arthur sighed and shook his head “This isn’t fair, Sof. You should be coming with me. You should be with me for my first F2 race”
Sofia teared up a little, the realities of how much this disease was truly taking from her finally hitting her. Arthur would never have a first F2 race again. She would be missing out on the start of what could potentially land him a seat in Formula 1- and she hated it.
“I know, Arthur. I know…” she whispered, her voice beginning to crack as a few tears managed to slip down her face.
Arthur pulled Sofia into a tight hug, not knowing what else to say or do. He hated the fact that he couldn’t even sit with her for very long-he was on a strict time schedule and this goodbye was already taking way longer than he had time for. “I’ve gotta go, but please know that I love you and that I'm here for you, even if I'm thousands of miles away, ok?”
Sofia nodded and pulled from the hug “I know, Arthur. I love you too”
Arthur sighed and let go of Sofia’s hand, pushing himself off of the bed as he made his way towards the door.
Sofia stared down at her fidgeting hands, already missing the hold Arthur’s hand had on them just seconds prior. Tears were falling down her face, a few drops landing on her hands in front of her. Silent cries, ones that she was hoping Arthur wouldn’t notice. She hadn’t expected this goodbye to be so hard- goodbyes were something her and Arthur were used to- but this one held so much more behind it.
It meant she would be alone for the next three weeks- Nobody to hold her while she suffers through her treatment, nobody to wake her up just to try to get her to eat or drink, nobody to keep her company when she felt alone or sad
It meant missing out on seeing Arthur start his F2 career, something he had longed for and dreamed of ever since signing his F3 contract two years ago.
But the one thing that weighed on her the most was the possibility that maybe this was the last time she’d ever see Arthur.
What if something happened when he was gone and she didn’t make it? The last memory she had of him would be that sad, guilt ridden face as he apologized for doing what he loved.
Arthur turned around as he was about to walk out of her bedroom. He didn’t fail to notice the few tears dripping off of her face and onto her hands, nor did he fail to notice the way her breathing had increased despite her being able to keep her cries silent. His heart broke at the sight before him, knowing that he was partially to blame for the tears falling.
Without saying another word, Arthur walked out of the room, knowing that even though it was the last thing he wanted to do right now, he didn’t really have a choice.
He got out to the car, climbing into the back seat as Charles and Charlotte occupied both front seats. “Someone really should have stayed with her, you know” he mumbled, sort of as a stab at Charlotte for choosing to attend a race instead of sitting with her sister, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he was doing the same thing.
He could’ve chosen to stay home with her. He could have chosen to take a year off of racing and hoped that Rene would give him his shot at F2 next year, but no.
He chose to leave her.
He chose to let her fight this fight alone.
He chose to fly thousands of miles away to pursue his dreams.
“Sorry, that was rude of me to say, I'm sorry..” he whispered, his voice shaking as tears began to form in his eyes.
“It’s ok…” Charlotte said as she noticed the pain in his voice. “She doesn’t want me anywhere near her.. She only trusts you right now… I hope you understand why i’ve chosen to attend the first grand prix”
Arthur nodded and looked out the window. Charlotte was right. Sofia had pushed everyone away except for him. She only trusted him. She could only be vulnerable with him. She didn’t want to be around anyone but him. “Do you think I made a mistake by leaving her? Should I have stayed?”
Charlotte shook her head. “You know she would be disappointed if you had chosen to stop racing to be by her side. That’s what she was afraid of in the beginning and the main reason why she waited so long to tell you. She wants you to do what you love, Arthur.”
“Yeah but I can always do it next year..”
Charlotte nodded a little. “I say we see how this first race goes and if she really can’t handle being alone, then you can reevaluate the situation, ok?”
Arthur nodded “yeah, ok” he said before staring out the window.
Was this truly the right decision?
Would Sofia be ok without him?
Would he be able to perform well with so much on his mind?
Maybe he should’ve stayed.
Maybe he should have Charles stop the car so he could run back to her apartment and hold her in his arms again.
Maybe she would be ok without him.
Maybe she can handle this on her own.
Maybe she wants nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms.
Maybe she’s scared of fighting this alone.
Maybe tragedy will strike and leave them both wishing they would have done something different…
#arthur leclerc fanfic#arthur leclerc fanfiction#arthur leclerc fluff#arthur leclerc imagine#arthur leclerc#f2 fanfic#f2 imagine
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No no you’re so right about the batfam thing, I thought I was the only one here. They’re all so mentally ill and have seen so much shit, this gray area of taking care of you (but at the same time never attempting to cure you) is so on brand.
Reader: ok so can I just go over this again. I was a grown adult woman with a job and an apartment and my own arguably shitty life and I was even a vigilante
Dick: yep sounds right so far
Reader: and I had a run in with a villain and maybe almost died and in the end i got turned back into a kid
Jason: yeah it was real scary, Damian totally cried
Reader: and after I was a kid again and i couldnt remember anything 'from the future', you gave me a new place to live, you fed me, you housed me, you even registered me in school and I literally went to high school with you guys
Barbara: yeah and the teachers love you ^^
Reader: i would have nightmares and PTSD and then one or even several of you would sleep in the same room as me, Alfred learned all my favorite dishes, we literally took family vacations overseas, you took me to all kinds of doctors whenever I was worried about my hair or my skin or wasn't feeling well to make sure I was literally in perfect health and wouldnt worry, some of you call me your sister completely unironically, and you guys did all of that, all of that for like FIVE YEARS--
Damian: well of course
Reader: and you NEVER attempted to talk to Dr Fate or Zatanna or Mr Terrific or like literally anyone about how to fix this and turn me back to normal literally NOT EVEN one single time? And what the fuck, are these ADOPTION PAPERS?
Jason:
Dick:
Bruce:
Barbara:
The dog:
Alfred, being as brutally honest as ever: it never came into consideration, no
Reader: man, fuck you guys, I'm gonna see what that "Earth-3" dimension is like, maybe THEIR Batman isn't a complete freak 😒
But gosh you wanna talk about morally gray, I was thinking of something when I was watching those Jason clips yesterday and you know, depending on the movie, people were discussing how he literally had head trauma that also could have altered his mental state and i began thinking: what if Reader got a concussion and it eventually spirals into the Batfam basically turning it into one big convenient excuse
Like imagine Reader is, you know a member or extended member of the fam, whether as is or attached to that age regression amnesia idea, and a villain just, REALLY gets a good move in, maybe the Joker himself brings his good friend the crowbar back and you take a good swing to the back of the head, and you have, like, CONFIRMED head trauma, definitely concussed, maybe you even need surgery or treatment for a fractured skull. Just the entire Batfam crowded around your bed comforting you as you lay there in bandages feeling just so weak and helpless and sad 🥺 and maybe not just the concussion but also the resulting months of bedrest until you recover directly result in you needing physical therapy so you're also physically weaker than before
And this goes from "oh gosh Reader is forgetting things more often and her ability to think and focus has obviously changed, what if this is permanent, we better make sure we support her and keep her company and try to help her and make things as accessible as possible" developing to "clearly you are only upset with us because your concussion scrambles you up sometimes and you're more emotional than you were before and you're not always in the right state of mind. what do you MEAN you want to move out and The Mission is stupid and none of us are actually fixing anything, youve never said stuff like this before, that's ridiculous, clearly you're just having another overstimulated meltdown but that's ok, we know you're struggling and you're still our family so we'll make sure you stay here and stay safe 🥰"
And you know, the Reader character is all emotional and stuff, but as the IRL Reader thats one of those situations where you kinda go "well shit, she DID have a traumatic head injury, from the Batfam's perspective you COULD legitimately just be suffering from a concussion and these 'aren't your real feelings'" and it's super morally gray because like yeah, you've been hurt real bad, and maybe you're still recovering, and maybe you do legitimately have a somewhat, er, slightly diminished mental ability now, but that's all manifesting in "you're literally having to break out of the house just to get some time to yourself because youre trapped or have a constant babysitter and Batman himself drags you back kicking and screaming while he's gently scolding how you shouldn't be out there by yourself and that you have to be more careful because what if you got hurt 🥺"
And even if Reader's emotions weren't being affected at all like, it brings THEM some sort of fucked up closure to believe that you're just a little unwell and not, like, you hating them because 'they couldn't protect you' and it is arguably their fault you even got brutalized in the first place. Bruce just internalizing the extreme guilt he feels until it manifests into you basically being treated even MORE like, like some kind of bubble baby, constantly kept safe in your perfectly handcrafted little prison of 'a peaceful life'.
#the joke being Earth 3 is literally the Everyone Is Fucking Evil dimension where Reader would be absolutely doomed#yandere stuff#sinprompts
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Savage Sunset Chapter 4S
In this chapter: Valen turns out to be one of those dogs who only like women and growls at men
Story masterpost
Here is the corresponding chapter in the complementary story.
Content/content warnings for this chapter: Nonconsensual bondage/restraint/being trapped, gag/muzzle, broken bones/broken nose
Note for this chapter: I want to be sensitive with regard to the way mentally ill villains are often portrayed in horror (with a villain being scary because of their mental illness.) The character in this story in question does not have a real life mental illness or any equivalent, so I believe this does not contribute to the stigmatization of real people and real disorders. This character also has other motivations that neurotypical people could also have. I just want to encourage my readers to be cognizant of this as an ongoing issue in the horror genre, and use some critical thinking. And of course if you think I've done something wrong in my portrayal, I'd love to hear some advice on how to do better in the future. Thanks for reading! Onto the story! :)
***
“Fuck!!”
The exclamation came accompanied by an unsettling crunching as the medic set Lex’s broken nose back into place. She let out a groan, scrabbling for the offered painkillers as Gabriel snapped his gloves off and went to wash his hands. “That should do ya.”
“Uhh–that’s it?” said Lex.
“Yep. You’re lucky that vamp didn’t kill ya. Most of ‘em are strong enough to just crush your nose right up into your brain.”
He’s also lucky he didn’t kill me, Lex thought. Because if he had, Ari wouldn’t have been as nice as she was to him. She still held the bloody tissue to her nose. “I’ll be sure to thank him, then,” she said wryly.
Gabriel slipped a full bottle of Tylenol out of the drawer. “No hunting for a few weeks, okay?”
“Won’t be able to till Ari’s leg is fixed, anyway.”
“Sure. Just take it easy. Take painkillers when you feel like you need them, but not more than 8 every 24 hours. Oh, and try to make yourself look a little less tasty, if what I heard about our newest guest is to be believed.”
Gabriel had already heard that they’d brought a vampire home. Of course he would have, everyone would be abuzz about it. No one had managed it before. They were very hard to handle live because of their ability of persuasion.
“Well, if what you say is true, apparently he has such delicate, gentle kicks that I don’t need to worry,” said Lex, tossing the bloodied tissue into the bin. “Thanks for the Tylenol. And the excuse to sit on my ass for a few weeks.” It would probably be a little difficult to squeak by on their savings for a while, since they would have to go without winning any bounties for a while until they could hunt again, but they could probably manage….Especially since the prize for bringing home a live catch had been pretty generous. And it would be nice to have some time to just focus on recovering.
“Sure,” said Gabriel. “Oh, and…if I were you, I would steer clear of the director for a bit. He’s not gonna be happy about this.”
***
Lex saw the other hunters gathered around the coffin when she came back out. They parted slightly to let her through, and she couldn’t help feeling a little upset when she saw the vampire had blood on his face.
This was what she was afraid of. There was no reason to hurt him when he was already all trussed up. Some hunters could be vindictive as hell, though. It was needless cruelty. Still…She didn’t want to be the one sticking her neck out to tell off her colleagues for their treatment of a vampire, of all things. She shook her head. “Where’s Nick?”
“He’s on the phone with the director,” said Jerome.
“Oh boy,” said Ari. “I bet he’s just thrilled with this new development.”
“I thought he gave Nick the OK to do this?” said Bailey, puzzled. “He authorized Nick to put a bounty on bringing a live vampire back.”
The other hunters laughed.
“Yeah,” said Jerome wryly. “To get him to shut up. He didn’t think anyone would actually do it.”
“The director was bluffing,” said Ari. “Because vampires are so damn hard to catch live because of persuasion, he thought none of us could do it. He doesn’t actually want a vampire in the building.”
Lex came over and put a foot up on the coffin, like she was posing with a hunting trophy. “Hah! That’ll show him. And he’s contractually obligated to pay out the bounty.”
One of the other hunters experimentally copied Lex, putting a hand on the coffin, and the vampire inside went ballistic, slamming his skull up and narrowly missing crushing a finger on the offending hand.
The hunter jerked his hand away, grimacing. “Yeesh…Well, Nick can have him.”
“Speaking of,” said Ari, and Nick appeared in the doorway.
His eyes sparkled. “You did it. Thank you! Thank you!”
He sounded like a kid at Christmas. Lex had always been a little bit creeped out by Nick. In fact, most of the hunters weren’t thrilled with Nick on a day-to-day-basis.
Nick seemed…like he wasn’t quite all there. They all knew why of course–Nick had been imprisoned in the vampire’s blood farms for an alarmingly long time before he’d gotten away. And anyone who spent too long in the blood farms eventually turned into a mindless husk as their brain melted from being under the thrall of vampire persuasion for so long.
Nick had apparently been…part of the way there when he’d gotten out. Part of his behavior was because of trauma, but part of it was because his brain had been supernaturally tampered with…
…and some of it was also just the sheer bitterness and hatred stemming from what he’d gone through. Looking at him now, at how excited he was to be presented with a vampire gift-wrapped, Lex felt unease crawling up her spine.
“Come on, Ari,” said Lex, tugging at Ari’s hand. “You have to get your leg seen to.”
“Wait, ladies, I have to give you the bounty for your hard work!” He clapped his hands together. “And, everyone, after some…heated discussion…with the director, he has simply given me the guidelines that, for safety, we can only open the coffin when at least two people are present. So who wants to be the lucky volunteer and help me take this specimen downstairs?”
“I will,” Lex volunteered instantly, and then felt embarrassed about the speed at which she’d done so.
“I see how it is,” said Ari. “Rather spend time playing with Nick in the basement than helping your poor, hurt girlfriend to the nurse.”
Lex blushed. “We can–We can do that together and then go help Nick right afterwards.”
Nick looked around. “Well, I don’t hear any other volunteers, so…” He beamed. “I’ll wait right here for you to get back!”
***
Tag list <3
@annablogsposts
@oddsconvert
@pumpkin-spice-whump
@soursagas
@whumpsday
#hurt/comfort#angst#vampires#whump#vampire whumpee#whumpblr#I have a long weekend okay maybe i can waste a LITTLE a time writing abt vamps
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liveblog containment post for aew dynamite 5/4/22
i wanted jeff hardy to win but was so sure bobby was going to win anyway. glad at the results and lmao @ cole's face
once again i love yuta's street fighter theme
REGAL EXCUSE ME LMFAO??? ok hes definitely trying to get excalibur to crack on purpose. scrummy scrummy scrumptious
regal was making that horny bcc video ive been trying to avoid because i wont be respectful about it not enough 4 u
"regal: whats the point of being a professional wrestler if you cant get the shit kicked outta you" yea ok
the worst part is that with that one bit with yuta on evil uno's vlog im reasonable sure theyre aware of what theyre doing with this behavior.
???: "[moxleys] making someone's heart sing [with this violence]" regal: "mine" lmao
damn moxley going all out hes throwing him at every out-of-the-ring surface he possibly can
i seriously love the triple beatdown at the end of BCC matches and so does the crowd. yes! yes! yes! yes!
love these violence perverts
people are rooting for evil christian. i dunno anythin bout him but want to see it. i love it when people go evil
jungle boy gettin spicy himself. good love to see it
keith lee: dubious
wardlow time!!
i say hes wearing full black now because hes ready for mjf's funeral
lemme see this tall guy
lmfao mjf and the mid five. mjf is such a clown hes great
wardlow moonsault... love 2 see it
wow just one powerbomb? restraint
YEAH WARDLOW!!!
ooooo we're moving on with the plot???
LMFAO "wardlow's gonna kiiiiill you ♫"
mjf you cant fool me twice youre not gonna fight wardlow straight up e_e
contract signing... long island... hm
whoa hangman is here. i thought he had covid. is he done with that? that was fast
omg dissin on punk? toughguy over here
whoaaaaa hangman!!!
damn dont be puttin two bad bitches up against each other. every international wrestler can be a cool
santana time!!!
i love hearing 2.0 matt talk for the JAS intro hes such a goof
my friend's comment here covers my reaction LMAO
stealing the camera-- lol what a good bit
oh man that was a cool backroll from santana
these 2.99 counts are taking days off my lifespan
nooooo!! not the distracted ref lowblow!!!!!
people chanting for eddie while hes still recovering from that devastating fireball attack
they keep on bringing up the NUMBERS. who is going to join pnp+eddie to even it out? who could possibly?????
oh my god billy LMFAO i love the gunn club and the acclaimed
OH IS IT EVIL JULIA HART TIME??? IS IT TIME????? FINALLY????? EVIL JULIA HART YES????? PLEASE???????????
-_- promo is long
theyre killing me. give me the payoff
DO IT. KILL HIM
DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
RRRRRRRRRRRRGHGHHGHGHAAAAGHGHGHGHH!!!!!
oh shes still in the ring with death triangle... that was a weird break to put two promos then, even if jade's outfit placated some of our immediate rage
while obviously i want to see evil julia hart i can also stand behind a "i dont want to be evil julia hart. not like this" thing too. its the kind of self indulgent story i can imagine myself writing as a teen, but it ultimately depends on what else they do with it. it can still end up going in a lame direction. i too am impatient, however. i do think its funny how im seeing a 50/50 mix of "damn wish that were me" and "i do Not like this treatment of julia" opinions tho
the heights in this dante martin vs rey fenix match. 20 foot vertical leaps
"couldve gone for the cover. just saying 😒" shush jr. i want to see the flips
oh shit samoa joe is gonna fight the jonker
thunder rosa :)c
:o serena deeb...
this back and forth is a little bit corny but like. mid corny? it either needed to be more corny or less corny
whoa... double or nothin showdown
OMG JOHN SILVER VS PUNK??? YES
im watching this match but boy is this crowd dead quiet.
lmao @ jr's russian leg sweep comment getting shut down
:o roh title...
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4 Lords headcanons- Donna Beneviento
Donna is just adorable to me. If she was real, she’d be the lord I'd most want to hang out with. We have the same sense of dress, the same love of dolls and we’re both depressed as fuck and we’re both very shy and quiet in person but more outgoing on our own or in comfortable company. She’s also a cutie pie! Scar or no scar! I love those big brown eyes and her round face!
Ok before i become a total donna simp, here are some headcanons, long post under the cut:
Donna is a twin. Or at least, she was. Her sister is the grave we see at the start with the cadou infested flowers, Claudia Beneviento. I want to believe Donna planted her hallucinatory flowers there because she wanted to see her sister again, but it's more likely she knew the corpse would fertilize the ground and cause them to grow better.
Twins are very common in house benivento, it is part of the reason for their focus on duality in their house emblem. However they seem to be unlucky. One of the twins is usually “cursed” in some way. Either by illness or disability or just general bad luck. For Donna it was her scar but arguably Claudia was more unlucky, since she never made it out of childhood.
Donna loved her sister but since she hid herself away due to her scar, she didn't really miss her sister when she died. I think she was a bit young to understand for a start, only being 9 when Claudia died, and didn't really feel her loss like her parents did. They weren't typical, inseparable twins. Claudia was outgoing, made many friends with the other village children. Whereas Donna was shy and quiet even before being the sole survivor of her family. She preferred the company of her dolls or to watch her parents work while the other children played.
How did her sister die? Well, Miranda, obviously. Claudia was Miranda's first choice of the twins. She wanted Claudia for Eva’s new vessel. Sadly, for whatever reason, Claudia died, so Miranda moved down the line to Donna. A successful experiment but still a failure as a vessel. As an adult, Miranda treats Donna like an afterthought, much like her own parents did when Claudia died.
Claudia being buried with the family chalice signifies the end of house beneviento. I doubt Donna’s parents thought she was capable of leading the family, given that Claudia had been groomed for that position.
I believe her sisters death sent her mother into a spiral. The concept art shows a woman who would have been Donna’s mother throwing herself into the waterfall behind house benivento. I believe her mothers body was never recovered and as a result her father drank himself to death leaving donna all alone at around age 12.
Some of donna/Angie's voice lines lead me to believe her father may have been abusive. “Papa stop it stop it” or words to that effect are said more than once. This could just be her messing with ethan but i thought i'd toss this in here as a headcanon anyway.
If Donna’s father was abusive or neglectful then I believe Angie was a guilt present. He built Her as an apology to Donna for his behavior or treatment of her.
Donna is the youngest lord, potentially born in 1987 which would make her 34 at the time of re8. She was infected in the early 2000s, not long after her parents died. Miranda treated Donna well as a child, it often made the other children miranda experimented on jealous. Since she was treated well, not like cattle, Donna has never had any friends, even amongst the other lords.
To me, Donna is autistic. Her shyness, her hyperfixation on and skill with dolls, her problems socialising , her covering her entire body to avoid being touched. I know not everything she does is definitively an autistic trait but it brings me joy to read her that way.
Donna is happy to send Angie away from or around her to deliver messages, she has quite a far range of control. However if Angie is forcibly taken away, Donna will become completely nonverbal. She will attempt to calm herself by stimming, often rocking in place or wringing her hands. If she is touched, overstimulated or Angie is not returned to her she will have an implosion.
Most of the time, these are harmless, if very distressing for Donna. However she has been known to lash out with her hallucination powers if Angie was taken maliciously. She can conjure some very frightening images but is limited by how many people she can manipulate at any one time.
The opening on Angie's forehead is a cadou eye. Donna can see through this, it often acts as a replacement for her own vision since she only has one eye herself.
Donna is a bit of a prankster. She likes to jumpscare the other lords, both as herself or with angie. She also likes to steal or move small items around to confuse people. Bela, Cassandra and Daniela are frequent victims and acomplices of hers.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the “severe mental illness” she has is possibly psychotic Depression. Basically serious depression with delusions, thoughts or beliefs that are unlikely to be true or hallucinations. In this case, it's Donna treating Angie and the other dolls as if they are really alive. I feel like depression runs in the family and the psychosis is a result of the cadou in her brain or as a result of trauma.
Her favorite food is strawberry shortcake. She has this often at tea parties with angie. She's also fond of ice cream/ icecream cake ( usually mint, pistachio or strawberry),and scottish shortbread. Her least favorite is anything with beans and key lime pie.
Since she eats so many treats, she bakes quite often. She’s fairly good at it but has mostly mastered the things she likes to eat, rather than try a lot of new things. She mostly makes deserts, not a lot of savory food.
When made to eat healthy or savory food, usually by alcina or miranda, she likes Soups like ciorba de pui (chicken soup) or pilaf. She has a dislike of thick textures so prefers light meals to anything heavy. These foods are what her mother would have made for her.
Her favorite drink, unsurprisingly, is tea, with her favorite blend being earl grey. Tea is quite hard to get in the village as it isn't normally grown in Romania. Miranda often has it imported for her via the duke. She would really like boba if she ever had the chance to try it. Her least favorite drink is anything cherry flavored.
She doesn't usually consume much alcohol but will drink Țuică before meals, particularly if invited to a meal with the villagers or lords.
Again, although she doesn't drink often, she is probably one of the best drinkers amongst the lords and can really hold her liquor . She and Alcina could drink heisenberg and moreau under the table.
Donna has big ace vibes to me but i actually don't hold a headcanon for her or any of the lords ( except maybe alcina). I like to be open to the idea that she could be partnered with anyone or that I can write her FOR anyone.
Donna is very good with her hands. She paints, sews and draws the designs for her dolls all by hand. If you notice on the floor as you go in, she also seems to be knitting and using a shuttle for a loom, implying she might make the clothes for her dolls by hand as well.
Donna herself only has 1 line in the entire game, the rest of the time she uses Angie to communicate. “Don't leave...i can't let you” is both a plea from her for real human company and fear of reprisal from Miranda should she fail her mission. She may not seem it, but she, like Moreau, craves Miranda's approval.
Donna is incredibly light on her feet. Even without her hallucinations hiding her physical form, she can move silently and sneak up on people, much like the ghosts she is based on. Karl has often said she needs to wear a bell or something.
Donna is the only lord who was born, raised and has never left the village. Romanian is her first language but given that she was raised in a lord's family, she had a lot more education than most children, meaning she can speak several eastern european languages.
Before Miranda came to power, the Beneviento family made their fortune in toy and doll making. Their toys found their way into the hands of the richest families all over europe. Ww1 rationing stopped production and Miranda forbade them from starting up again after the war. Since then the family fortune has been dwindling which is why the house is in a state of disrepair ( peeling wallpaper, outdated fixtures and furnishings etc)
She is the weakest lord with the least powers, not even having the standard regeneration abilities of most mold infected people. She is however, very skilled at botany, even before her infection. Her knowledge of plants and anatomy makes her the closest thing the village has to a doctor since the Moreau family fell.
None of her Dolls actually have knives in them, it's all a hallucination on Ethan's part. She finds weapons unnecessary and would never destroy her precious dolls like that.
Despite living by a waterfall, beside a lake and in a village surrounded by water, Donna has never learned to swim. Her parents thought it was too dangerous and too unlady like for the daughter of a Lord.
House Beneviento is more modern than it seems. As there are no fireplaces, it used to be very cold. Donna's father had someone from the factory install a heating system that was very advanced for the village. So because of that, despite being by a constant waterfall, it is usually pleasantly warm in her house.
In that vein, House Beneviento is also one of the few places in the village with electricity, needed to run the film reel, the elevator, the heating and some of Donna's doll making tools like the air brush or drill.
Despite being warped by grief, trauma and mother miranda, Donna is still a very kind person. Yes, sometimes it can backfire and yes sometimes her version of Kindness is very twisted but she’s trying her best.
She actually doesn't like horror movies, particularly haunted doll type movies. She finds them boring and doesn't understand why they wouldn't just get rid of the evil doll or put the evil in something else. Speaking of Movies, she has a habit of talking through them and asking too many questions.
Donna, despite only having one eye now, used to be good at hunting. The mounted buck in the main hall is hers.
Like Moreau, I believe she was quite hurt by the implication that Miranda didn't love or want her anymore after obtaining rose. She was too old to consider miranda her true mother, but she still looked to her as a maternal figure, the one who gave her the ability to make angie real
WELL! That was a lot. I think that's all i have for her for now, but when i open the asks again feel free to send me some stuff about her!
#donna beneviento#resident evil village#resident evil 8#re8#house beneviento#angie beneviento#resident evil#headcanons#donna beneviento headcanons#my headcanons#my stuff#my writing
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A Quite Different Attraction
Anna stood beside her best friend, Amber, reading the sign in front of the building her friend had pulled her over to! The two of them were on vacation, and had seen lots of sights and done lots of things, but they were looking for something different, and Amber thought she had found such a unique and unheard of experience when she found this "attraction" the two of them were now standing in front of.
"Instant Pregnancies!"
"Experience the wonder and sensation of being pregnant and giving birth, all in the span of 20 minutes! One of our staff will assist in putting a baby inside you and monitoring you during the process! Additionally, you may choose weather or not to keep the baby afterward, or donate it to our New Life clinics!"
"Cost: $30 a person, no more than 3 persons at one time."
"Disclaimer: This procedure requires intimate access to your body - Experience at your own risk!"
Amber brushed her long black hair out of her face and looked at Anna, her brown eyes twinkling. "Let's do it," she said excitedly!! "It's something neither of us have done, and it'll be quite the experience!"
Anna ran her fingers through her short blonde hair, thinking. "I dunno, Amber," she said apprehensively, though she was also curious, "I mean, it sounds a little suspicious."
"Oh, come on, Anna, haven't you ever just wanted to be pregnant??" Amber asked, beaming.
Anna shook her head with a snort of laughter. "No, I'm not you!" She responded, though in her mind, she was just as intrigued as her friend, though maybe more cautious than her.
"It's only $30, and we don't even get stuck with a kid afterward," Amber pleaded. "What's the harm in trying it out?"
Anna looked at the sign again, her green eyes scanning the advertisement. She WAS curious about this, both the sensation of being pregnant and how this "attraction" would manage to pull off pregnancy and birth in 20 minutes, something that normally took months. "Ok, I'm in!" Anna said, nodding.
Amber practically cheered, and the two of them eagerly entered the building.
They were greeted by a young woman behind a counter, who smiled at them. "We're here for the instant pregnancies," Amber said to her. The woman nodded. "Excellent," she said. "Both of you are participating, I assume?" Amber nodded, and as the two of them paid and gave their names, Anna asked, "How does it work??" The woman continued to smile, as if this wasn't the first time she had been asked this. "Well, it works like you'd expect any pregnancy to work," she answered. "One of our staff will insert his sperm into you, and impregnate you, it all just happens at a faster pace is all." She smiled at the expressions of shock, confusion, and wonder on the girls' faces. "I know, you are wondering what makes it so fast," she continued. "Well, our staff have all undergone special fertility treatments, which are combined with a pill both of you lovely ladies will be required to take before I let you back." The woman placed two pills on the counter, one for each of them. Anna, now almost trembling with excitement despite her previous reluctance, grabbed her pill and swallowed it, followed by Amber a second later.
"Daniel will be the one assisting both of you this evening," the woman said, looking at her computer screen as the girls took their pills. "Now, head down the hall behind me to room C!" "Go in, and Daniel will be with you both shortly!"
The girls made their way to room C and entered it. It was a moderately sized room, with two chairs and two beds inside it, along with a mirror on the wall next to the door they had used to enter. Amber sat in one of the chairs as Anna positioned herself on the foot of one of the beds, looking around. Not even a minute had passed when a young, dark haired man entered the room, wearing a staff coat, which he immediately took off!
"Greetings, lovely ladies," he said to them, smiling warmly. "I'm Daniel, and I'll be your support staff member today!" "Who wishes to go first??"
Amber and Anna looked at each other, both silently asking each other if they wanted to go first. Amber was thinking that, since she was the one that convinced Anna to do this in the first place, it was only fair that Amber go first, but then Anna spoke up timidly...
"I... I will go first," she said in a soft voice. Daniel smiled brightly at her and started to undress. "Very well, Anna, I think your name was! Please take off your clothing!"
Anna did so, removing everything but her bra, as Daniel had finished getting completely naked and approached her. "I'm nervous," Anna squeaked out, not making eye contact with anyone. Daniel placed a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, I will do everything I can to be gentle and make you as comfortable as possible!" Daniel said softly, and there was something reassuring to his voice. Anna nodded, as if giving approval, then Daniel entered her.
He really was gentle, and Anna found herself gasping as he bounced against her, once, twice, three times. She squeaked in surprise as she saw her belly start to swell instantly, as she felt Daniel release into her. Daniel didn't make a sound through the entire experience, and then a few minutes later, with Anna sporting a 9-month pregnant belly, Daniel pulled out of her, smiling.
"See?" Daniel said gently and warmly, patting Anna on the top of the head and ruffling her short blonde hair. "It wasn't so bad, was it??" Anna didn't respond, too busy looking down at her belly, admiring herself. She rubbed it, feeling the baby inside move around. "Oh wow!" Anna breathed. She looked up into Amber's eyes. "It feels great," Anna said to her. "You're going to love it!"
Amber immediately jumped up and said "Ok, do me now!!" She quickly undressed as Daniel laughed softly. Within minutes, Daniel was in her, thrusting softly. Anna watched them as she continued to rub her belly, smiling!! Happily, she thought, "I have a pregnant belly of my very own, and soon Amber will have one too!!"
Amber filled up just as quickly as Anna had done, and when Daniel pulled out, Amber was sporting a full term bump that rivaled Anna's, smiling happily and rubbing it. Daniel redressed as Amber started cooing and talking softly to her belly.
"My job is also to assist you with the births," Daniel said to them. "You'll have about 10 minutes to enjoy your pregnancy before labor begins." "I'm here to help any way I can, though some couples and even friends have found it a much more intimate and enjoyable experience to have only each other for support, and refuse the help of staff during labor." "If you would prefer that, then..."
"Yeah," Amber said, as Anna nodded. "We prefer to be alone during labor! Just us!!"
"Very well," Daniel said, smiling. "The room is all yours until the babies are born." "I will give you both some privacy!" "Make yourselves comfortable any way you can!" "When you are ready to leave, just press that button by the door and I or another staff member will assist you!" Daniel opened the door and said "Enjoy your pregnancies!" before closing it again, leaving the girls alone to admire themselves and each other.
It was the most glorious 10 minutes the two girls had ever experienced in their lives. They rubbed and felt each other's bellies, compared the sizes of them, (Anna's was slightly bigger), and talked about how much they enjoyed feeling pregnant, and wondering which of them would go into labor first.
Quite suddenly, Anna felt the baby drop into her hips and let out a cry of pain. "AAAHHH!!" "Amber, I think I'm in labor!!"
Amber responded with a loud moan of her own. "I...I am too!"
The two girls clutched their bellies, moaning and crying as the pain and pressure built. They decided to walk around the room, slowly waddling and whimpering as the contractions quickly worsened. Then, after a few minutes of this, Anna felt her water break, and a splash told her Amber's had too.
"AAAHHH, I NEED TO PUSH!!" Amber screamed out and immediately bore down, as Anna fell back onto one of the beds, panting!! "It hurts!!" She cried. "Amber, it hurts!"
"I know," Amber responded "But just push when you feel like you have toooooooo!!" Amber let out a long moan as the baby pushed through her birth canal. Using the mirror on the opposite wall, Amber could see the head already beginning to crown.
Anna was crying hysterically. She wailed when the baby pushed, and her legs trembled as a head began to poke out of her as well. Amber pushed hard, realizing that her friend needed her badly, to coach her. Amber tried to ignore the pain as she pushed the head out. "AAAAHHHHHH!!" she screamed as the head crowned and then popped out, just as Anna gave the most horrible scream yet. "I'm coming, Anna baby, I'm coming!" Amber said, panting, the head hanging between her legs.
Anna screamed and screamed as the baby began to emerge. Faintly, she heard a baby crying from Amber's corner of the room, and then her friend was there next to her, clutching her hand and trying to calm her. "It's ok, Anna, it's ok," Amber told her. "Oh, God, it hurts," Anna cried between heavy breaths. "Anna, you gotta push," Amber said to her, gently but firmly.
Anna pushed, and then let out a cry of agony as the baby crowned. "IT BURNS!!" Anna yelled. "AAAAHHHHH!!" Amber watched as the head emerged, realizing that this baby was bigger than the one she herself had birthed. Amber squeezed Anna's hand as the girl screamed and screamed, stretching her legs even wider to accommodate the large head. After another minute of this, the head finally popped out and Amber caught the baby as it slid from Anna's vagina.
Anna's baby was a 10 pound boy, Amber's a 6 pound girl. The friends found that whatever had accelerated their pregnancies and births also made them recover almost instantly. The two girls decided to send the babies to the New Life Clinic, where they would be adopted by families that wanted children but couldn't have them of their own. As the two girls left the attraction, chatting happily about the experience, they decided that they would one day come back and do it again, and maybe even bring friends!!
End!
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how would the ro’s react if newman got amnesia and couldn’t remember dating them? (love your game! so excited for the full release)
combining it with
pime i’m so sorry as soon as you said you had under 20 asks, which was probably to your relief, i immediately was like nows my chance to send more!! idk if we’ve had this yet but, ro reactions to newman getting amnesia and not remembering the ro? (in a relationship)
Hah! No problem, second anon.
Fiama: needs the doctors to tell her everything they know. She wants her Newman back and will follow whatever recommendation the doctors give her to a T to help Newman recover their memory.
Jonny: he thinks, The first person that falls in love with me and they get amnesia. It figures… He drives Newman around town and tells them why such and such place is important to them—“We had our first date here,” “We sneaked in here one time”—he thinks it will help them remember.
Roach: “Does this mean I have to make you fall for me again?” they wonder aloud. They also want to know just how much Newman has forgotten. Does Roach have to tell them they aren’t human? It’s a bit frustrating, but Roach tries to—for once—go slow and not push Newman. Human brains are so unreliable.
Horizon: listens to the doctors and does as they recommend, but there’s other treatments they could also try, such as hypnosis and, if Newman is ok with it, maybe psychedelics in small doses. They would be really patient and supportive too because they imagine not remembering big chunks of your life must be a very scary experience.
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The Veterinarian and the Werewolf - Chapter 1
Summary: Jessie has completed Veterinarian school, after the death of her aunt has moved back to her home town.
word Count: 2013
A/N hello How are you all doing? we are in lockdown again here in Victoria Australia, I hope that means more time to write :)
Prologue
Chapter 1
Jessie sank into her plush foe leather couch; it had been a month since she had returned to her hometown and surprisingly her business was thriving. Even though she had yet to treat any wildlife she had a steady stream of cats, dogs, birds, ferrets, and other assortments of domestic animals heading through her doors. A big surprise to her was the number of cattle ranchers who on her arrival had asked her to make house calls to assess their cattle. Normally they paid for someone to come out to their co-op from the neighbouring bigger city. Now she was here if she could gain their trust, she would be set.
She looked around at her aunt’s old house, so many beautiful memories, Bet had been her best friend apart from the animals and had encouraged her to follow her dreams, she had even pitched in to her college fund when her parents’ life insurances had not been quite enough. She pictured her aunt standing at the stove, cooking her pancakes, grey hair piled atop her head, apron wrapped around her tall slender body, excited to cook for “The Vet” as she had lovingly called her even before she started her degree.
The last time they had spent time together she had sat on the couch, pancakes in hand. Her honey brown eyes pinning Jessie to her seat as her age roughened voice pleaded, “You can’t keep shutting people out Jessie, you have to open yourself to the possibility that you might find love, or even a good friend. You’re an adult now, and I won’t be around forever.” Her eyes misting as she whispered, “I worry about you honey, I don’t want you living your life alone like I did.”
Jessie had hugged her aunt pulling her in tight as she felt her sweet Bet’s distress. She had never asked why she was on her own, caught up in her own dramas. She had loved that it was just the two of them. But now she wondered if she had been too selfish. Once she was at college, her aunt was alone again. As if validating her aunt’s concern’s, she had received a call, a week after returning back to her last month of college. Her Aunt had suffered a major heart attack at work. Even though she was in the hospital when it had occurred, they were unable to save her. It had been a hard few months no one had come by the house for the funeral, it had just been the two of them. The local lawyer had encouraged her to sell up and move to a more populated area saying they had no need for a vet, and she had considered it. But a part of her still felt connected to the land, connected to those buried deep within the woods around their house.
He phone buzzed bringing her out of her musings, shaking the tired fog from her head she peeked at the antique gold clock above the mantel 11pm, Picking up the phone she heard a timid voice answer “Is this the vet, the one that came to our ranch last week?” mind pulled into action she answered “ yes this is the Vet what can I do for you?” a shaky breath let out as the young man responded, “I’m sorry for calling so late, My name is Thomas, my dad owns Ride em ranch. I was out checking traps around the property line, I hate them so much but dad insists we have them, a wolf has been caught. If I don’t get him out of here soon my Dad or one of the hands will come and kill him. Please what do I do?” sitting up Jessie talked in a calm voice to the boy, “First thing how is the wolf behaving?” getting up Jessie pulled her coat on whilst heading for the car, “He’s growling and whimpering at the same time ma’am, I think he would bite me if I got to close, but I can see he is in a lot of pain.” Opening the door to her pickup she jumped in glad her veterinarian bag was already in the back. “Ok Thomas tell me where you are, I am on my way”
Jessie was focused looking for the a boy in a red checked shirt and dark blue jeans, a part of her was excited, she was finally able to help a wolf, but another part of her was worried she was too late. There waving his arms illuminated by the high beams of her truck she saw Thomas, he had blond hair, brown eyes, and stood around 6 ft 3 although he had not filled out yes so even with his height looked like a young man.
Pulling up she could see his obvious fretting as he didn’t stop to talk but rather, as soon as she had her bag, started moving back into the forest. The boy was so intent on getting her there he didn’t say a word, however the closer they got the more evident it was the animal was in great distress. Long lone howls could be heard along with whimpers, when Thomas broke into the area where the wolf was his whimpers changed to savage snapping of his teeth and loud growls interrupted by his whines. The was until Jessie stepped into the opening, She could have sworn the wolf looked right at her with shock before it laid its head down and quietened. Jessie was amazed, its behaviour was one of submission and in its current state was highly unusual. She walked closer, slowly talking to the animal, “Hey boy, your ok, I’m here to help ok. Will you let me help you?”
She knelt just outside of the range where the wolf could reach her and reached into the bag, the majestic creature watched her closely but gone was the snarls and defensive growling. All that was left was his pain filled whimper, quickly assessing his weight she pulled a small tranquilizer gun out along with some prefilled darts. On seeing the gun he let out a long mournful howl that tore at her heart, “I’m sorry, but this will make you feel better I promise.” Taking aim she shot into his flank. He let out a soft yelp, they kept eye contact as he slowly lowered his eye lids.
Ok Thomas we need to move fast, I had to guess his weight and even though I am sure I’ve have put him out for the night I can’t guarantee that.” Together they moved to the brown black creature, jessie made note as they together removed the trap from its leg that the creature had seen better days. His hair was matted in places and there were other areas where the fur was missing showing signs of fights that it had been in. Carefully after assessing the rest of its body, Thomas and Jessie lifted the creature which from tail to muzzle would have been 6 ft 5 however it showed malnutrition and was much lighter that she would have expected for a creature of its size and age. In fact had Thomas not been there to help she would have been able to lift the wolf herself which said a lot for its condition. Sadness filled her as they carefully placed it in the back of the truck. Once he was securely placed in the back she turned to the young man “Thank you Thomas, I appreciate your help and your kindness” Thomas looked down at his feet for a moment before signing, “Please don’t tell my pa, he would think I was a pansy for doing this. What he fails to understand is we need to work with the wolves without them….. well we need them. Thank you for coming, I hope he survives.”
Jessie watched the tall young man in her rear vision as she dove away, there was something special about him.
On reaching her clinic she bought out a trolley and carefully picked up the wolf playing him down and wheeled him into the treatment rooms. Her first priority was x-ray the leg and make sure it wasn’t broken, as she moved around the room her other patients called out to her. A small Tibetan spaniel who was in for cherry eye surgery whimpered at her before settling down in it’s cage, along with a tabby who was recovering from a broken leg, who at all the noise hissed at her. “ohh come now calm down, we have to help this poor creature ok. I expect you both to keep him company as he recovers.” She quickly took the x-rays dismayed to see that the trap had indeed crushed his ulna and radius on the right leg. The night was long as she reset the leg and applied a cast. The sun was coming up, and her young assistant joe was walking in the front door as she finished setting the wolf up in a special cage.
Joe taken aback walked around to peer into the cage, “OMG Jessie, where did you find this boy? He is gorgeous and yet has seen better days.” Exhausted she just stood wiping her hands on her apron and started cleaning, “you look like you need a break Jessie, why don’t you go home, I’ll reschedule your non important appointments and push the urgent ones back to this afternoon so you can get some sleep.” Grateful she nodded her thanks and left the Joe to care for the grumpy cat, and Tibbey.
Jessie’s dreams were plagued with images of the wolf, his eyes that held so much pain caused her heart to constrict. The resemblance to the those she had buried so many years ago could not have been a coincidence. As she tossed and turned the images grew bolder, the wolfs from long ago circled her, she felt no fear only curiousness as they sniffed at her before one by one they laid at her feet. She knelt and stroked each one, reassuring them that she would take care of him. A loud sound broke into the now peaceful dream, her mind now fussy she picked up the phone, “Jessie” the frantic voice of her assistant invaded her calm “Jessie you have to get down here, the wolf woke up and is tearing at the cage. I can’t even get close enough to change the fluid bag. I’m scared he is going to break out.” Jumping out of bed she ran to grab her bag, not even worried that she was still in her pajamas she ran to her truck. The clinic was only 5 mins by car, but she was the only one authorised to use the tranqu gun.
Running into the clinic she could hear the panicked snarls and snaps of the wolf, the sound of the metal clanging and it tried to escape. Gun in hand she ran into the room, as Joe opened the door and her eyes met that of the wolf the strangest thing happened. Just as it had in the forest, the wolf calmed, whined and laid its head down. “well I never!!” Joe breathed in exasperation, “Teach me Obi wan, Tell me your secrets” if she hadn’t been so socked herself she would have laughed at Joe’s comment. However this was not normal wolf behaviour. Taking a risk she moved forward and sat before the creature, an odd feeling settling in her stomach as joe handed her the new bag. Talking in a calm voice she addressed the canine, “This will help you feel better ok” his eyes locked with hers as he whimpered. Risking everything she hooked up the new bag then opened the cage, going against her training she reached in and caressed him. She felt his body relax the more she stroked his neck and flank until he was once again asleep. Replacing the latch on the door she looked back a Joe both confused and amazed.
Chapter 2
I have tagged people from my last story if you wish to be removed please let me know 😊
@legendarywizarddetective @blakerogue @ladamari68 @witcherfan @sillyrabbit81 @littlefreya
@stephartrave @angelcavill66 @fatefuldestinies @bageracat
@fortheloveoftradition
@kmuir1 @fanfictionaddiction99 @zealoushound @thenonrealloser @xobriellaxo24 @jessayw
@abschaffer2 @elena-myth @shy-violet-soul @hisnamewasmojito @tumblrninia @thereisa8ella@cavilladdict @its–fandom–darling @omgkatinka @leaena2go@littlefreya @elena-myth @bluedog63 @oh-for-fic-sake @legendarywizarddetective @foodieforthoughts @lady-love88 @ladamari68 @elena-myth @viking-raider @hisnamewasmojito @its–fandom–darling @fysaelys @zurcda @allthingsatlanta13 @bageracat @cecilegoestoparis
@meandmycherrytree
@f4iryerin @amberangel112 @silllyrabbit81
@crippledcatlady @multifandomlover1 @confusednerd09 @sycochick @littlefreya @absolutepie @jajphcfan @mandolover86 @ladamari68 @whereismymindlaura @antepatch @fanficforfun @thereisa8ella @davidbuddbg @ethandaddyramseyx@gayathriiii
@nemessisvoninpirian@kath94210
@ladamari68@fancysthings
@awallflowerstream @oddduckthatgirl@mcz02057
@gmfbaby @meanerface@adorable-hen
@hrrypinks @melaniqueen2 @f4iryerin @biancawlf@tayxbri
@whip111stuff@kellynkeskoski
@mzchievous-blog @pixie88 @marytudorbrandon @wolfsmom1 @amberangel112 @marantha
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{+18} – Cherry Blossom & Tangerines – Trafalgar Law x Y/n – Part 5
Modern AU. Trip to Jeju Island, SK. No spoilers.
Female reader. No physical descriptions. Everybody is +18, canon ages. Chopper is human.
Tw: NSFW, blindfolding, soft sub/dom, unprotected sex (this is just fiction, pls wear protection). Fluff. A little bit of ZoSan
A/N: I haven’t had the chance to visit South Korea due to Covid, so everything included is pure research. Excuse me in advance if there is something that’s not 100% accurate! Keep in mind is purely inspired ♥
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31059467
Word Count: 4.5 K
» List of parts: {P1} {P2} {P3} {P4} {P5} {P6}«
Chapter 5
“Y/n it's our turn, let’s sing!!” Vivi told me, while pulling me from my arm. “Vivi, wait”, I said. I kept watching how Law was still hugging the girl. “What is it?... Oi!”, Nami said, also witnessing the scene.
“Don’t go, just… wait”, I begged my redhead friend who was ready to kill him. I saw how the mysterious woman and Law laughed together. Zoro didn’t even care, he was more drunk than anything else.
The girl was ruffling his hair, pinching his cheeks. Law didn’t even look at me. I didn’t know if he was just simply so amused about the girl that he simply forgot about me, or, he was doing this on purpose, knowing that I’ll be watching, maybe to let me know he wasn’t going to commit to me in any way.
“That’s it. I’m leaving”, I stated. Vivi, Robin and Nami insisted on me shouting at Torao, but I couldn’t. I was so hurt, and, besides that, I wasn’t even his girlfriend, so I had no right to reproach anything to him.
The girls came with me, and we drove home. The boys didn’t realize we had left until long after we weren’t at the karaoke bar, when Sanji texted Nami asking what the hell had just happened. “Sanji, you should ask your stupid ass friend Torao, what the hell is he doing with a bitch?, plus, go get your boyfriend too, she is right next to him”, Nami said via audio.
Sanji sent an audio back, “Nami-swan! Zoro is not my boyfriend… wait, you were talking about him, right?, whatever, Torao is still with her, I’m gonna see who the hell is she and kick the hell out of stupid Law for hurting Y/n-chwan”.
I drove as fast as I could, at that point I only wanted to bury myself in bed and cry my eyes out. I was silent all the way. My friends knew there was no point in saying anything else, so they just strung along with me.
We got home, and Robin offered me some tea, yet, I politely turned the offering down and headed almost running to my bed. I covered myself up to my face, and pitiful tears sprouted from my eyes.
I heard my cell phone ring several times, I knew it was probably my friends asking if I was all right. But I didn’t have the strength to even see the screen.
“Why did you choose to hurt me like this, Law?” ... I whispered to myself, unable to understand why I was in that position, why after all the romantic stuff he has done for me he didn’t even care I was there…
I reached my phone and simply turned it off, I was fed up with it ringing. Some minutes, perhaps half an hour passed until I fell asleep, crying.
Suddenly, Nami’s loud screams woke me up. “TORAO, WHAT THE FUCK? WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THIS SLUT HOME?”.
I didn’t hear Law’s voice, but I did hear someone climbing the stairs, quickly, almost running.
The door opened suddenly with a loud sound, like someone kicking on it. I was still in bed, and the bang of the door made me take an upright position instantly.
There he was, the villain of my story with tears on his eyes, hopeless, shaking. “Y/n-ya!!! it’s not what you think, let me explain…” “STOP, what type of lie are you going to spit out from your stupid mouth?, plus, what the hell? I heard Nami saying you brought that girl home. Have you been drinking? Are you drunk? what the fuck?” I shouted at him, also crying.
Suddenly, before Law could say anything else, I saw a brunette, tanned, tall girl, with big eyes that resemble Law’s ones. She looked at me, smiling and peacefully said, “Hello Y/n, my name is Lami. Trafalgar, Lami”.
I opened my eyes, and mouth… “Trafalgar?”.
“That’s right! I’m Law 's sister! Nice to meet you! I’m sorry if you got things wrong!” she said to my stunned me. “Oi, brother, she is so pretty!! Even more than in the pictures!”.
“Oh God…”. I was somehow relieved that Law wasn’t flirting with a girl, yet mortified because not only me, but all my friends had called Law’s sister a slut… a bitch.
“I am… I am really sorry… And, uhm, N-nice to meet you…”, I said, wiping the tears on my eyes. “It’s ok, darling! I’m leaving you alone so you can talk in peace, I’ll be downstairs!”. “O-ok”, I said sniffing.
Law slowly approached to the left side of my bed and sat there, next to me, in silence. I wasn’t capable of saying anything to him, either. I had put up a show, he probably thought I was a toxic girl, jealous or even worse things. I had mistrusted him. It was probably the end of something that hadn’t even started.
Suddenly, Law hurled himself on me, hugged me and nuzzled on my lap. “I thought you wouldn’t believe me, I’m sorry, I really do. Lami lives in Jeju and I wanted her to meet you because she is not traveling to Seoul any sooner, we just decided that we will be meeting at the bar so… so you could get to know her”. He said, still with his head buried onto my legs.
“Law…”, I began to cry again. I petted his hair and told him “I am the one who should be sorry. I- I thought you were a bad guy, a typical man that doesn’t care about the girls. I am sorry…”. I felt horrible.
I could hear downstairs my friends laughing, Sanji and Zoro fighting, Luffy shouting. Luckily everybody would make Lami feel comfortable, after all. Law was still sobbing over my lap.
After several minutes I decided to speak up. “Law, stop, you are not the one who should be crying asking me for forgiveness. You did nothing wrong. I was completely mistaken. I hope you will be able to forgive me someday”, I said, gaining composure in order to make things clear.
He sat back, looked at me with teary eyes and asked, “someday? There is nothing to forgive. I want to be with you, I … L…”
“Oi, you two, stop crying, Lami is leaving”, said Nami leaning on the door frame, smiling at us. As she left, and Law wiped the tears off my cheeks, we stood up from bed. I was still dressed so we headed downstairs right away.
“Sis, let’s go, I don’t quite remember how to get your home from here, so you tell me”, said Law. Lami looked at him with loving eyes, and said, “My big brother is always taking care of me, I missed you doc”. Law’s cheeks became red, and he hid under the white with black spots cap he was wearing.
Lami said goodbye to everybody, except me, “she probably hates me”, I thought.
I was going to wish her a good night, when Lami held my hand and pulled from me. “Let’s go sister-in-law, come with us!”. I followed them into the car unsure if Law wanted me there, because he was still embarrassed as hell.
I let Law’s sister sit on the passenger seat, and I sat on the back seat behind Lami. A few seconds after Law started the car Lami said, “Oi, Y/n! did you know that Law has never ever introduced a girlfriend to the family before?”. I choked a little when I heard her say “girlfriend”, and simply chuckled. Law told her to stop, but Lami continued telling me how “emo” he was when he was an adolescent, making fun of his sibling.
We finally arrived at Lami's house. It was a traditional Jeju stone house, with big windows and a typical korean roof construction. On the entrance was a tall guy wearing a cap with “PENGUIN” written on it, waving at us. Law parked the car next to a black Hyundai Ioniq.
“Oi!! brother-in-law!!! How are you? It’s been a year my dear friend!” the guy at the door told Law. We descended the car, and the guy hugged Law in a way “man” do. Lami introduced me to the man, he was his boyfriend, and they had been living together for a few years, and apparently before dating Lami, Penguin knew Law since they were little.
We went inside, and had coffee while chatting about everything. I didn’t feel uncomfortable at any moment, Lami and Penguin were really warm people.
Law’s sister and I headed to the kitchen. It was a perfect opportunity to ask her about their parents so I thought of the best way to bring up the subject. I didn’t need to, because it was the first thing that Lami mentioned.
“Y/n, I’m sure my cold brother didn’t tell you anything about our parents… right?”, she said. I was helping her putting some mochi onto a plate, so I looked at her and said “Not really… At first I thought Rosinante was his father, but then I realized that his surname was Trafalgar, not Donquixote”.
“That’s right, Rosinante is something like Law’s dad. When my brother was 10 years old, my parents passed away in a car accident. They were both doctors, the best ones of this city. Law looks exactly like my dad when he was younger…”, she stopped for a little, and continued, “We stayed with our grandparents at the moment. After two years, Law became really ill and had to be taken to Seoul for some doctors to cure him. Luckily, Rosinante was a volunteer at the children’s hospital where Law was being treated. After six months of intense treatment, he recovered and forged a friendship with “Corasan” who took care of him… Oh sorry, I meant, Rosinante. Corasan it’s just a nickname Law gave him during… the chemotherapy...”, she concluded.
“Oh… poor baby…I’m sorry for your loss too, Lami” I said, feeling a lump in my throat. “Don’t worry, we are all right now, time has passed”, she said, grabbing my hand softly and smiling. She continued, “but let me tell you something, I’ve never seen Law with that type of twinkle in his eyes in the 24 years I’ve known him. He loves you; I can sense that. Plus, when you left the bar earlier, he became so desperate, he was truly worried about losing you”.
I blushed instantly, yet, I was so happy of hearing how he probably loves me that I giggled. And Lami, too.
From the living room we heard Law calling me, “Bab… Y/n-ya, let’s go home it is pretty late”. “Ah… my sweet loving brother and his ways…”, Lami said with a sarcastic tone, rolling back eyes. We both laughed and headed where the boys were.
“Oi Penguin, do you have a bottle of cold water? I tend to get thirsty when I drive”, Law asked Penguin and looked at me with some sort of look I can only label as… horny?. “Right, bro, let me get you one”, said the cool cap guy and headed to the kitchen. “He gets thirsty?” I said to myself a little confused, but dismissed the thought as my attention went to Lami who was showing me a photo of his brother when he was a little baby.
The happy couple invited us to the lantern festival that was taking place the next night at the historical center of the city. They told us to bring all of our friends too. We were excited about it, so we accepted the invitation and left the house.
During the ride along a road by the sea, Law asked me, “Babe, can you please turn the GPS on?, I don’t really know where I am going…”. I searched for my phone in my pockets, but realized I’ve left it at home. “I didn’t bring my phone… give me yours”, I told him. He grabbed his from the black jeans pocket and gave it to me. “Law, your phone is dead…”, I said, trying to turn it on.
“Yeah, my battery died after calling you twenty times when you left the bar���”, he said, kinda joking. “Oh…”, I gasped, and continued, “Well, let me enter the address on the car sat nav”.
I approached my hand to the little screen when Law stopped my hand and smirked. “It would be a shame if the computer wouldn’t work and we ended up lost…”.
“You clearly had this planned, right?” I said arching a brow. “Me, planning things? that’s not something I usually do…”, he said in a sarcastic way, but with a sexy tone that made me somehow fidget on my seat.
I came closer to his face and almost talking next to his ear I said, “Let’s get lost”. Law licked his lips, placed his right hand over my lap and said “Heh, sure… I can’t resist myself anymore”.
He suddenly turned the wheel and took a little road that took us to the beach. Finally, my lover parked the car, luckily it was a deserted zone, a cliff area, and there weren’t any houses or places nearer.
The beach ahead of us was lightened by an intense moonshine, the sea was choppy so the waves hit hard on the cliffs.
Law threw his seat back and patted his lap, “Strip for me, and come here, baby”. “Ah, so we are fucking on the car, nice…” I thought and began to take my clothes off.
“Don’t take that off, yet. You know that little bandanna you have on your head could help us…”, he said to me after I jumped over his lap. I felt a rock hard bulge under my core, he was already so ablaze for me.
He then untied the cloth that was holding my hair, smirked at me, and said “may I?” while covering my eyes with it.
“Lay you back on the steering wheel, baby girl”, he ordered me. I remember instantly how he likes to dominate me, so I followed his order to a “Yes, sir”.
His fingers ran from my mouth to my neck. He kept lowering them softly caressing my flesh. I could barely feel the touch of his fingers over my skin. He wasn’t talking, and I was unaware of what was coming next, I was blindfolded, but surrendered completely to this man.
All of a sudden I felt a cold sensation over one of my nipples, “Uhg…” I moaned, throwing my head back. Then the chilly stinging feeling moved to my other nipple. God, what is that?... and suddenly remember Law asking Penguin the cold water bottle. “Damn you, Law”, I said to myself but only being able to verbalize moans and grunts.
He began to trail an icy path from my breasts to my lower stomach. My heated skin mixed with the cold water that began to melt over my flesh, felt like a sweet torture.
“Your hot body is making the icy water melt and wet my jeans… or is it perhaps your own arousal for your Master, baby girl?”, he said to me, while running a thumb over my clit.
He then penetrated me with two fingers as he only knew how to, took them off and asked me to open my mouth. “Taste yourself, baby girl”, he commanded me, and I opened my mouth and sucked.
I heard - and felt- how he unzipped his jeans, and slowly took his member out. I could feel how he began to softly hit his manhood over my sex. He was playing with it, but my body couldn’t wait for it to be inside of me.
“Is it getting hot in here, huh?” he said and unbuttoned his black shirt. I knew it because he then grabbed my hands making me caress his skin. My hands wandered along his chest, but my mind was only focusing on how much I wanted to be penetrated by this man.
I was drowning in lust, I needed him to do something, but he didn’t. “Law… Sir… What are you doing?... fuck me, I want you to fuck me…”. He laughed, and violently but gently enough he pinched and twisted one of my erect nipples. A strike of intense pleasure hit my center, and it was so unexpected that I only purred at it.
He then ran his inked fingers through my hair and pulled me closer to his face, this time he wasn’t being gentle, he was being rough… and I loved it. “What do you think you are doing? I am the one who gives you orders in here, are we clear?” he said, whispering with a grunt in my ear.
“Y-yes sir, I- am sorry…”, I said, stuttering. “Good”, he said and kissed me. We made out, hard, feverishly. I could feel over my entrance how his sex became even harder.
He suddenly put his hands on each side of my waist and lifted me up a little bit, so I could place my knees on each side of the seat. He used his right hand to guide his pennis inside of me. It was just the tip of it, he was enjoying how I was probably miming the words “fuck me” repeatedly. After a few seconds of torture, he grabbing me again from my waist, pushed me down against his lap. “Ugh..” I said, opening my mouth, throwing my back to the steering wheel, so hard that I made the car horn sound.
I wanted to be penetrated, and he did it so roughly, yet so pleasantly.
I began to ride him, back, forward, up, down, tracing circles with my pelvis. My left knee hit the emergency brake handle, it hurt but I didn’t care. I placed my hands over his strong abs, letting all of my senses focus on the pleasure, imagining the expression he had on his face when I heard him groan.
Law pulled my hair and threw my neck back, again making me hit my back on the wheel, and used his hips to bang me, hard, burying himself into me. Every thrust made my body react with little spams; I was being sent to heaven.
Law untied the bandanna that was covering my eyes, and said in between the thrusts and an agitated voice, “I want to see your precious face when I make you cum”. My eyes slowly returned to its functions, admiring the sweaty thorax of Law, the way his stomach would go up and down picturing his rapid breathing. His face showed a red glowing, he was more than aroused. I was too, and as I reached for climax, placing my right hand over the steamy glass of the car window, Law did too with a hard “Huh”.
He bathed my insides once again. I remained still enjoying the warming sensation inside of me, trying to erase any worry at the time.
Law placed a hand on my back and pulled me closer to his chest, while lying his neck over the headrest of the yellow Sonata.
I rested my whole tired body over his, enjoying the touch of our warm skins, the scent of his body, with my lips wandering along his neck, leaving soft kisses over its skin.
“We should go back home; they might get a little bit concerned…” I told Law, still over him. “Yeah, you are right, let’s go back…”.
It was 4 am so once we got home and opened the door, we entered stealthily. I walked behind Law when he suddenly stopped, and I fell over him. “What is it, Law?!” I whispered, “I don’t know, this is kind of a slumber party…”, he whispered back at me.
Suddenly all the lights turned on. Everybody was sleeping on bare mattresses on the floor of the living room.
Little by little our friends but Zoro and Sanji woke up.
“Oh my god, finally…” said Nami and everyone began to laugh. They weren’t laughing at us, but at Sanji and Zoro who were sleeping cuddled.
Law looked at them and looked at everybody else and said, “Excuse me, is this something new to you? Oi Mugiwara-ya, tell them every time you three get to sleep at home they do the same”. Luffy nodded, still laughing.
No matter how much noise they made, nor Zoro or Sanji woke up, they seemed to be happily enjoying sleeping like this, so we didn’t want to bother them anymore.
“Let’s go back to sleep, guys. Y/n and Law you can sleep upstairs, we left Law’s bed intact”, said Franky winking at us. “Thank you!!” I said, and we went upstairs jumping through the multiple legs of our friends.
We climbed up the stairs, and went into the boy’s room. I was undressing when suddenly Law offered me a big loose t-shirt. “Don’t get me wrong I love your naked body, but what if the boys enter the room and see you naked?”, he said. “Oh, Law, are you jealous? hahaha”, I mocked him. “Well, let's not discuss jealousy…”, he said frowning.
I grabbed his white loose t-shirt with some kind of black power ranger called “Stealth Black” printed on it and put it on, giggling. I could have sworn he was a geeky nerd, and that was the proof.
Law and I jumped into his bed and muffled up with the bedding. He hugged me, kissing my head. “Thank you for making this the best holiday of my whole life…”, he said. “Thank you for paying the bus ticket that time…”, I whispered with my face pressed up against his chest. We both laughed and soon after fell asleep.
I woke up with the sounds of some birds chirping on the window. Law was still asleep beside me, with his ruffled hair, his cheek pressed against the pillow with his mouth open, snoring softly. I couldn’t help but drool over that image, so handsome even like that, the intimacy, the person I wanted to wake up to each morning.
I placed my head over the tattoos of his chest, following with my index finger the lines of ink on his skin. I remained there for a few minutes hearing his heartbeat, drunk of his skin scent.
Softly he began caressing my cheek, still without opening his eyes. He was probably half asleep yet.
I felt a million butterflies trapped on my stomach, I was so in love, I had fallen for this guy, hard. I felt a little guilty, I mean, how was I supposed to fall in love so quickly with a man?... I guess it was just love at first sight…
Law’s hand stopped moving, and suddenly I heard him mumble something like, “Mmmm- hum - I-I- love you Y/n-ya”. I widened my eyes, “did he just say he loves me? “I was completely surprised and even unsure if that was what he said or if it was just my imagination.
Some minutes later, he opened his eyes, slowly. “Good morning, baby girl”, he said, kissing my forehead. I was immobile, watching his face still trying to process what he had just said. “What is it?, are you sleeping with your eyes open? you are gorgeous but that would be a little creepy”, he said, surprised.
“N-No, uhm, I am awake, yes. Good morning”, I uttered. “Are you ok, Y/n-ya?”, he asked with a confused expression. “Yeah, uhm… Law… Do you sleep talk?”, I inquired him. “Oh… did I? I’m sorry... I do, yes. Sometimes. What did I say?”, he said this time with a worried expression. “Oh, no, nothing, I thought I heard something but I don’t know. It’s nothing”, I said, trying to settle the matter.
We remained cuddling up a little bit more, until we heard movements downstairs. They were probably waking up, so I decided to go to my room and get ready for the day.
“New pajamas”, I thought while taking off Law’s shirt. I folded and put it on my suitcase, I wasn’t willing to give it back to him.
I went ahead and showered. I let the warm water bathe my skin while thinking about Law saying “I love you” while he was asleep. Was he really? Did he really feel that or was it just a dream?... I guess I should wait…
After the bath, which clearly made me more anxious than relaxed, I went downstairs to the kitchen where Sanji was already preparing breakfast. I decided to help him with setting the table while chatting about the lantern festival of that night. Nami, Vivi and Robin joined us and were pleased that Lami and Penguin invited us to such a pretty event.
Our last day in Jeju passed with us visiting the Samseonghyeol Shrine, which is the oldest historic site in Korea. That place is considered as the birthplace of three demigods of the island, founders of the Tanma Kingdom that governed Jeju Island before the Joseon dynasty took over.
At noon we came back from the city and began to get ready for the festival that night. I received a message from Lami, “@TraffLami.06 > hello Sis! How is the day going? Is my brother treating you right?. Listen, we usually wear “hanbok” to the festival. If you want to too, you can rent them from a friend's shop. I send the location. See you tonight! ♥”. I got super excited for it, I loved cultural clothing and I wanted to see Law wearing those clothes too. I told my friends and we all agreed on renting one. Law, being the warm boy he was, wasn't so sure about it, but with a little kiss and a little begging I could convince him.
The night came and we all drove to the historical centre of Jeju. The place was all garnished with paper lanterns, string lights hanging from some bridges, lit inflatable displays, food courts, typical music being played that mixed with the buzz of hundreds of attendants that were enjoying the night.
I was wearing a hanbok in yellow and orange tones, while Law used a green and black one. He looked like a typical groom; I couldn’t help but fantasize a little about us getting married someday.
Luffy of course ran to the food stalls followed by everybody else, Zoro went ahead and attacked the stall where they were offering some kind of soju and Law and I waited for his sister and Penguin to arrive at where we were.
Law was more silent than usual and his face showed concerned. I thought at first about him missing his parents or family, maybe the festival triggered some memories, so I held his hand without saying anything. He squeezed my hand, and began to sweat.
“Are you ok, doc?”, I asked. He looked at me, I could sense he got really nervous and finally mumbled, “Y/n-ya we need to talk…” …
Part 6, FINAL
#trafalgardwaterlaw#trafalgar d law x reader#trafalgar law x y/n#trafalgar law x reader#trafalgar law#trafalgar lami#one piece law#one piece x reader#one piece x y/n#one piece#onepiece#law x reader#law x y/n#one piece zosan#zosan#nami x vivi#monkey d luffy#nami#nico robin#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke sanji#sanji#zoro x sanji#torao
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Oh, I'm sorry I didn't explain myself well, it's mostly Gardienne with a fever that makes her delirious (this mostly because it would be funny) but if you prefer one where she has difficulty moving (I love the physical contact with Lance, I apologize ) By the way I love how you write! I'm glad there are such talented people in the fandom <3
Don't worry about it! I wanted to check just in case I was reading the original ask wrong because this sounded like such a fun ask to write and I wanted to make sure it was what you were looking for lol.
Thank you so much for the compliment, it truly means a lot to me! ❤
I decided to write two headcanon topics; one for Lance taking care of Guardienne who's feverish and delirious and the second where she's too weak to move. They both sounded so tempting to write lol.
These both are a bit of a scenario-headcanon hybrid (it seems I’ve liked writing those recently), but I’m certainly not disappointed by it. I really wanted to be specific throughout for the sake of adding in moments of humor and adding depth (which made it a bit of a scenario), but they do sort of evolve into more traditional headcanons in time.
~Under the cut~
Lance with Guardienne who's feverish and delirious:
Oh by the Orcale; how did this happen?
Guardienne was feeling fine... and then she wasn't.
Ewelein wasn't very surprised - somehow she always gets hurt, or sick, or something. She tells Guardienne to isolate herself, rest, and overall not do anything. Ewelein knows there’s a risk that this advice will be ignored, but she figured Guardienne may at least have enough sense to heed her warning.
And then Guardienne starts complimenting the birds that are singing in the Infirmary...
"Get me Lance, I need to speak with him about Guardienne's condition."
Upon hearing news that his partner has fallen ill - and knowing that Ewelein wouldn't send for him about something so common and otherwise not of much worry - Lance entrusts a few last responsibilities of the day to a couple seasoned warriors and heads swiftly to the Infirmary. Upon entering, the Elven nurse immediately pulls him to a quiet corner of the room and explains that Guardienne has a very high fever that’s making her delirious. She’s been irritated, apathetic, and is even experiencing hallucinations, rambling about those hallucinations, then proceeding to forget about hallucinations that she was just rambling about, and she’s - despite having a fever - been restless and walking around, trying to chase after those hallucinations and putting herself in danger.
Lance is quiet as he looks at her like she just said that the sky was falling.
“What do you mean she has a major fever but is walking around? How is that possible, or safe? Shouldn’t she be subdued?”
“Illness is a strange thing, Lance. I can’t give a real reason aside from that’s just her way of coping with the discomfort of the fever right now, and again, she’s hallucinating so that doesn’t help either. I would give her a sedative but I’m not sure I trust the possible side effects with her current condition.”
“Eweleeeeiiiiin...” A hoarse, scratchy voice called for the nurse from an isolated bed further in the Infirmary. Ewelein looked towards where it came from before glancing back to Lance with a ‘please help me’ expression.
She led him back to the isolated bed and they found Guardienne - pale and heavily sweating, it was very clear that she was sick - sitting on the mattress, shifting through the thin blanket that was laid over her. It seemed like she was searching for something...
Ewelein did a few quick checks and let Guardienne nudge around the blankets as she explained to Lance that she needed someone to keep a consistent eye on her, as she couldn’t do that due to her other responsibilities.
Lance hesitated as his thoughts flicked to his typically busy schedule, but he couldn’t just leave his partner to suffer this without doing something. He could find someone to carry out his typical responsibilities, and Huang Hua will certainly understand when she sees Guardienne’s high-maintenance conditions herself.
“I can watch out for her. I’ll take a few days off-” “The birds - the birds are getting loud...” “-to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself by accident.”
“Thank you, I’m so sorry to ask this of you but with this illness going around-” “The birds are screaming.” “-the other nurses are too busy for us to have a constant eye on her. Fortunately she’s the only case this severe.” “Ewelein can you make the birds stop screaming? I think it’s upsetting the wall rat.”
Lance was about to reply to the nurse when Guardienne mentioned the birds and the wall rat, instead lowering himself by her side to try and look her in the eyes as alarm filled his being.
“What wall rat?”
Guardienne’s eyes flicked to his and she brightened, leaning to the side - teetering all too close to the edge of the bed - to rest against his abdomen and loll her head up to look at him as he straightened.
“Laaannce. Oh, you’re the pretty icy dragon, can you get rid of the birds? You have the big sword. The wall rat is angry at them and it keeps chewing at the rocks and the fluffy things are scuttl.... they’re around... in - trying to steal... why is it so bright, turn off the sun it’s burning.”
Lance nearly loses his breath as Guardienne just rambles and gazes dazedly around the room, shocked by how such a vibrant woman was now rendered nearly helpless. She’s making absolutely no sense.
He steels himself and decides here and now that he needs to take care of her. She has no sense of reality right now, and he needed to be here to make sure she would be alright. He gently took her chin to tilt her head back so he can look into her eyes again.
“What are the fluffy things doing? What rocks is the wall rat chewing at?” Guardienne stares at him for a moment with drifting eyes.
“What... the fluffy... no wall rat, no stones, the fluffy things... haha, how did you come up with that? You’re not usually funny, haha...”
Anxiety and distress for his partner settles heavily in his chest as he observed her continuously disturbing condition. He looks back towards Ewelein as she explains that she’s been providing Guardienne with a treatment. It’ll take a few days before it will begin to work, though - if it even does work. Lance was about to reply when Guardienne cut him off.
“The birds are loud, the birds are loud. Oww, someone please make the birds quiet.” She covered her ears with her hands and tucked her chin to her chest. Lance adjusted her gently and leaned her to lay back on the bed so she wouldn’t fall over the side.
“I’m not sure what to do about the birds... she’s kept talking about them. They seem to only be in the Infirmary because she didn’t complain about them when she wandered into the hall earlier.”
“She wandered into the hall earlier!?” Alarm shot through him again.
“Yea, Adalric seemed to argue her point though. He told her that the birds are everywhere, even inside her... Thankfully she doesn’t seem to have taken any attention to that.” Now exasperation.
“Ok, how about this; I’ll settle my plans with Huang Hua for the next few days and take Guardienne to my room so I can watch her constantly. I can stock up on a few basics from Karuto so I don’t need to leave her and set someone in charge of running meals to us from the Dinning Hall. She won’t ever be alone and she won’t need to go out anywhere. I’ll send a companion immediately if we need help of any kind.”
“May the Oracle bless you, Lance. You’re a lifesaver. Please don’t get sick, though.” She persistently thanked him more as she explained a basic routine so Guardienne can recover. Healthy food, don’t let her get too hot - not a problem, he’s an ice dragon - don’t leave her alone, and the medicine should begin to take effect in the next few days.
Lance responded by saying that it was no trouble - there was no way he was not taking care of Guardienne at this point - and quickly headed out to find Huang Hua while Ewelein could spend a bit of time watching Guardienne. Fortunately she was in the Dinning Hall, talking with a few other members of the Guard, including Karuto. He walked over with a brisk note in his step and stopped in her line of sight when he was a few feet away, signaling that he needed to talk to her.
Kindly, she stepped out of the conversation as the others kept talking - and Lance spotted a warrior within his guard that he trusts before waving them over as well. He quickly - but modestly - explained the situation and they both understood, Huang Hua even offered to persuade Karuto to share a few food items as Lance explained to his colleague what he needed to do the next few days. Once everything was set, he brought the food back to his room - storing it safely in a cabinet - and went back to retrieve the sick Guardienne.
Many strange and bizarre things happened over those few days he spent with his delirious partner - some things he thought he would never experience in his life. Like Ewelein said, she did ramble a lot about the most odd things that she’s hallucinated; ranging from watching Musaroses fly around the room (which may have stemmed from Floppy observing her from high surfaces, if he did in fact adopt Floppy, and I believe he did), the sun and moon rolling around the room, and even yelping incoherent words as she tried to run away from light flecks. When she did manage to make a coherent sentence, she was quite crass and tactless with her tone and words - she didn’t seem to be able to comprehend the idea of emotions, but her imagination sure ran wild.
When he first brought her into his room, she wandered around for a while - chasing shadows it seemed... and then she took interest in shiny things, like his weaponry.
“Ah, pretty!”
“Guardienne don’t touch that! That’s sharp!” He quickly leapt to her side and took her wrist as she reached for an axe hanging on the wall, gently pulling her towards the bed as she giggled giddily and danced around with him. He tried his best to reign her in without being harsh - she wasn’t in her right mind - while making sure she didn’t hurt herself on any surface as she flung her limbs around before finally managing to get her on his bed. She still burned with the fever as he settled her into the light blankets, but she seemed to be tempted to fall asleep as she curled into his pillows. Relief settled into Lance for a moment as he turned to quickly glance around the room, observing everything he would need to hide for her safety until she recovered.
He glanced back to Guardienne to find her gone. He’s never felt panic invade him so quickly.
Lance quickly scanned the room again to find her nowhere - actually it’s dread at this point, he’s definitely feeling dread - and then a feminine noise of surprise sounded from the floor before his bed. He rushed to the other side of the bed to find her laying on the floor, staring intently underneath his bed.
“I can see into realms...” She was probably staring through the gap underneath his bed to look at the other wall.
The thought of tying her to the bed to keep her still passed through his mind until he decided that that would be too inhumane for such a sickly woman.
Fortunately there were a few things that Lance felt he could do well. Occasionally he would ask if she wanted tea, or something to eat, and he definitely made sure she drank lots of cold water (being an ice dragon truly had some perks, like refreshing cold water at any time). She wouldn’t exactly respond - although on occasion she was brought back to reality enough to realize and comment that she was hungry at the mention of food - but Lance made sure to keep rigorous note of when she last ate and what anyways, so she stayed well fed. It was a bit of a struggle to get her to eat sometimes, but he found that she responded well to smell, so he tried to focus more on giving her warm (not hot) or stronger smelling foods. Once she caught the scent she seemed to snap back to reality a bit and nibble on it for a while - and when he’d sit beside her and eat a meal of his own she would catch on that it was time to eat and happily devour the food until she lost interest. He also realized quickly that her heavy sweating would mean that she’d need to shower more, so while it wasn’t always possible to wash her multiple times per day, he found that giving her a small bath with a wet cloth helped her - especially with cooling her down. He did make sure to shower her at least once a day, and he did join her for this. There was no way she’d be able to shower alone with her hallucinations...
These showers did lead to rather humorous events once in a while. The first time he showered with her, she tried to run away from the water because “the rain clouds are angry at her”, but she eventually calmed down - nearly going limp in his arms - when she realized how nice it was to feel the warm water on her skin. Surprisingly, when they’re out of the shower she seems to be brought back to her sanity a bit, being able to hold a... semi-normal conversation for a few minutes, usually remembering that emotions exist and being able to accurately describe her distress. However, Lance is perhaps most proud of the other times, late at night or early in the morning, when she’s burning hot in bed next to him and he helps relieve her of this.
He’ll lean up slightly, adjusting the pillows underneath him so he can recline back while somewhat sitting up and pull her gently into his arms, letting Guardienne rest her head on his chest or abdomen. She’ll moan in distress, dozing but not yet sleeping, and he’ll call forth his powers to help cool her. He’ll lay a cold hand on her forehead or the back of her neck, letting his body temperature drop to provide a cool presence that she can curl up with. Lance quickly found that she really enjoys this, she’ll cling to him all night as her breathing evens and her sweating calms down, and he finds that it even helps calm her during the day. Perhaps Ewelein was right; her restlessness was due partially to the fever.
Fortunately the medicine works, and within a week she’s feeling better. Guardienne woke up one morning; groggy, lethargic and overall feeling like shit, but she moves around to adjust her position anyways, rolling over to find Lance awake and watching her.
“Hey...” She greets him, her voice grating in a way that nearly makes her wince.
“Good morning. Did the wall rat wake you up?”
“...”
“Excuse me? What wall rat?” Lance looks a bit worried.
“Ok, she doesn’t remember the wall rat...” He mutters the words to himself as he glances away before meeting her gaze again. “Nothing, what about the Liclion under the bed? He’s not licking your hand again, is he? I can take care of him if you need me to. I could probably do something about those birds, too, if they’re here.” Guardienne stills mid-weak-stretch and looks at him with an off put expression, somewhat afraid of his random speaking. He blinks back with a calm expression before shock brightens him and he leans towards her a bit
“Wait, are you better!? Do you actually understand what I’m saying!?”
“Yes, Lance, but I’m not sure that you understand what you’re saying.” She looks at him in a concerned manner, but Lance is busy throwing himself over her in a desperate, gentle hug. She hugs back, still incredibly confused but thankful that he didn’t throw all of his weight on her as well - she was very weak and tired, she didn’t think she’d be able to breath if he rested his weight on her.
“Seriously, are you ok? What’s happened these past few days? I can barely remember anything.” Lance draws back to flash her a bright grin, overjoyed at the fact that he has his partner back.
“Yes, I’m just fine, but you’re not going to believe any of this...” He tells her the story anyways.
Lance with Guardienne who's sick and too weak to move:
It started slow. Guardienne was feeling a bit sluggish one day while training with Jamon, finding that she tired easier than normal and her reaction time wasn’t as fast as usual. She had to ask Jamon for a few extra breaks throughout, sparking concern from the Ogre. He asked if she was alright and she said that she was just feeling a bit tired. Jamon promptly reminded her of the time where she had the infected wound from the Warrifang, asking if she could have another bite like that that’s causing her fatigue.
“I don’t think so, I don’t recall fighting anything as of late. I suppose I should warn Lance if this gets worse, though, just so we don’t have a repeat of the market scene the first time I saw him again.” Her tone was light with humor, but she did dismiss herself from training. She didn’t want to push herself if she was getting sick.
She carried out the rest of the day with normalcy, but the following morning is where she was really hit.
Guardienne woke up sore, tired, lethargic, and nauseous. She should have seen Ewelein sooner. To make things even worse, she woke up with a headache and a pounding noise in her ears. Wait... no, that was her door.
She hauled herself out of bed, requiring much more strength than she expected, and immediately a flood of heat washed over her. Regardless of her swimming head and heavy limbs, she stumbled to the door and cracked it open as the pounding became more persistent .
“Oh, hey, you’re late for our breakfast! Mathieu was getting really worried - such a sweetheart! And Adalric started forming conspiracy theories of why you’re late. Karenn suggested that we - hey, you don’t look so good, are you alright?” Guardienne could barely pay attention to Koori’s rambling - her headache was terrible and she was reduced to clinging to the door frame to remain standing. She sighed, closing her eyes and groaning as she rested her head next to her hand on the frame.
“I need to go to the Infirmary.”
“Ok, come on, I’ll help you.” Fortunately Koori was a kind person - flirtatious, and bold - but caring for her friends.
Guardienne leaned her weight against the Kitsune as they headed to the Infirmary, nearly stumbling every other step as even the slightest movements took far too much energy - only to encounter Lance along the way.
Concern immediately struck him, showing clearly on his expression as he jogged to meet the two before asking what was going on. After a brief explanation, Lance offered to take Guardienne to the Infirmary. Koori put up a bit of a fight - not anything odd, she just wanted to make sure Guardienne would be alright (and she was curious of the illness) - but agreed to let Lance take her the rest of the way.
Koori gently let go of Guardienne, letting her stand on her own two feet a moment before she wobbled. Lance quickly took hold of her, gently taking her into his arms and lifting her from the floor as Koori dismissed herself from them, wishing Guardienne good health. He turned and set a brisk pace towards the Infirmary.
“You really don’t need to carry me. I know you’re a bit weird with touching in front of others.” Guardienne spoke softly - tiredly - as she rested her head against his chest, discreetly glancing around the room to see a few heads turning to look at them.
“Hush, I don’t care about that right now.” His tone said that there would be no arguing of that.
He walked through the doors, immediately calling for Ewelein - who was fortunately near the entrance. Within a few minutes Guardienne was rested on one of the many isolated beds - isolated to assure the sickness wouldn't spread if it was infectious. Ewelein began to check her over and verbally nipped at Lance to shoo him out of the room, only to be stopped as Guardienne requested that he stay with her. If he could, at least.
Lance paused, surprise written on his face as he let the knowledge that his partner wanted him around for this sunk in. He wasn't really expecting this. She's usually very independent and doesn't like to disrupt his responsibilities for the day, so her specifically requesting his presence was a bit of a shock
"It's alright if you don't want to stay, I don't want to get in the way of your job, but if I couldn't get here on my own then I don't think I'll be able to get anywhere else... so it might be helpful to have you around..." Guardienne gave him a gentle, fatigued smile before Lance softened and relaxed a bit.
“It would be a good idea. She shouldn’t risk walking around right now; she needs to rest. Fortunately this seems to only effect her energy - there’s no major fever or anything, only a faint fever, so she just needs rest - but if walking around will be a major issue then it would definitely be a good idea for you to be around to help her.”
A gentle warmth settled in Lance’s chest; his partner was asking for his help, she wanted him to lean on while she recovered from this.
How could he say no to that? How could he deny his partner who needed him right now?
“I’ll stay, I’ll take a couple days off. You’ll have my full attention.” He turns to walk towards her and sit down beside her on the mattress, taking her hand in his as Ewelein shuffles around the Infirmary. Guardienne squeezes his hand and looks gratefully at him through narrowed eyes, leaning against his shoulder slightly.
Ewelein returns after a few minutes with a vial in her hand and configures a dose for Guardienne, explaining what it is, what it should do and in how long it should start to take effect. After a few minutes - when Ewelein is still muddling around Guardienne but not saying anything particularly important - Lance excuses himself to find Huang Hua to notify her of his time off.
From there it’s the same as when Guardienne was sick with a fever and delirium; he notifies Huang Hua and sets up a replacement for himself, only excluding asking Karuto for extra food / tea as he can leave the room this time to retrieve food without worrying for her, but he does notify him that he’s taking care of Guardienne so he’ll need two meals to go. Karuto grumbles about the information, possibly not believing him, but agrees to it anyways. If anything, he can check with Ewelein later to confirm that Lance is actually taking care of her.
Eventually he returns to Guardienne - who was dozing peacefully - and gently picks her up after speaking with Ewelein before heading out of the Infirmary to settle her on his bed.
She curled immediately into the blankets and pillows on his bed, and Lance observed as she took in a deep breath, letting it out softly as though the sole reason for that was to breathe in his scent. A warm spark fluttered in his chest as he watched her - he’ll be sure to provide for her in the coming days.
And that’s exactly what he does; provides for her, in any way she needs.
He does this in a lot of similar ways as when she had the fever delirium; he’ll bring her food, help her eat if she’s too weak, will shower with her so she can lean against him (she really likes the showering with the handsome, wet, naked dragon), and watches her carefully when she insists on trying to take a few steps on her own to test how her strength is shifting - after all, his room certainly isn’t the safest with all the weaponry laying around and he promised to himself, for her sake, that he would take the greatest care of her, so he watches her without taking his eyes off her when she tries to shuffle around.
However, there are many other things that he does this time that he didn’t (sometimes couldn’t) do last time. He cuddles with her - a lot. After all, she can’t walk around on her own, so she’s bedridden most of the time, and what better way to pass the time than cuddling it out? If her minor fever acts up, he’ll use the same cooling technique on her by using his powers. Sometimes he’ll even entertain her by playing around a bit, forming delicate, glassy shapes out of his element and letting her explore his creations. He may lay a hand on her arm and let flat, snow colored tendrils drift across her skin like frost, a faint chill emanating from where they appeared as she watches with a fascinated smile when they curl elegantly around her arm.
He’ll let her sleep as much as she wants - which is a lot - and is just fine with being woken up at any hour for any reason. At first she was hesitant about this - she didn’t want to disturb his sleep when she woke up randomly in dark hours of the night with no sign of sleep threatening her consciousness again - so a few nights were spent messily nudging her body around to shift her position with the little strength she had. This woke Lance up a few times, and she was quite surprised when he decided to stay up with her and offer to occupy her time. Guardienne continuously told him that she was alright, he could go back to sleep, but he refused to do so. He was just fine with being woken up in the middle of the night - under this circumstance, of course, not on a typical day where he has responsibilities to carry out the next day - and eventually one night she found herself attempting this as she lay awake and unable to fall asleep again. She pondered over his offer to wake him up if she wanted entertainment, and after what felt like hours of trying to do anything else, she reached an arm over to brush her hand from his jaw, down his neck, and to his bare chest - eventually giving in to try and nudge herself closer to cuddle the sleeping dragon. He shifted slightly at this - waking fully as he noticed her movement - and grinned softly at her, pulling her closer to satisfy her wishes. They stayed up for many hours after that, talking quietly and nuzzling each other. Guardienne is a bit less hesitant to wake up him for company after that.
Sometimes his partner will grow a bit restless staying in one place, being moved only when she needs to use the bathroom, shower, test her strength limitations, etc. so Lance decided to take her into his arms one day and carry her around his room. Why? Well, she was tired of staying in one place, so now she’s moving around without moving around. Guardienne looks at him like he’s the greatest thing to ever exist, and then asks if he could take her to the Fountain Park. He happily complies, being sure to keep themselves a bit more distanced from others than usual for privacy and health’s sake.
A few heads turn to watch them as Lance casually carries his partner through the guard - but he doesn’t pay mind. He’s busy providing for his partner what she needs; fresh air and a change of scenery. They’ll spend a fair amount of time outside for a while before Guardienne eventually grows tired again, and he’ll carry her back inside to nest into his bed and cuddle.
Above all else, Lance is sure to remember the medical advice Ewelein gave to him - let her rest, don’t push her energy, keep her well fed with healthy food, exercise her a little bit per day so she doesn’t lose too much muscle function, and overall; be there for her. Lance is happy to provide for his partner, and he’s honored that she wanted him specifically to take care of her, so when times come where she’s sick and needs to be taken care of again, he doesn’t hesitate to offer his help. The last thing he wants to do is leave his partner to suffer alone.
Fortunately, within a week or two she’s usually feeling better, and after that they carry on their routine as normal.
She does still ask for him to carry her around his room on occasion, though.
I hope you liked these! I tried to add in a fair share of humor and fluff. The first scenario almost seemed to take on a few dark tones due to how heavily I made her hallucinate, but I tried to keep it light. That being said - if anyone is ever that sick and is hallucinating that heavily, take them to a hospital so they can have proper treatment and supervision. This is merely a story written for entertainment, so I can bend the rules of reality a bit.
Just as I thought, these were very fun to write. Thank you for requesting such an entertaining ask!
Have a request? Ask them here!
But first, please read the rules list for asks!
#eldarya#Eldarya ANE#eldarya lance#Eldarya Lance ane#eldarya lance headcanons#fenristheorem writing#askfenris
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Emerald City
OK, I still have doubts about the DID theories but I'm going to humor them in this post. See @kaypeace21 and @strangertheory for way more developed theories and @strangertheory in particular I was talking to when I started developing this into something worthy of posting. I did try to read kaypeace's stuff again but I am a busy (read: lazy) man and what I saw on a quick glance didn't resemble the newer stuff I plan to say here - apologies if I internalized some of your ideas so much that they feel like my own, kay, just tell me. I THINK this is going to be a new contribution, though.
So, I don't know enough about DID to use the terminology correctly, or even to be confident that what I'm proposing is a proper DID system. Let me just describe it in my own words and you all tell me. Suppose the events of the show take place entirely in someone's mind, and what's going on is a feverish mix of distorted memories (retold through events/descriptions of characters) and imagination. There is some main character whose mind this is taking place in, and we can infer some things about them/their life from patterns in the stories:
1) They had an abusive father (potentially very abusive as per @kaypeace21's theory, but at the very least emotionally abusive) and insistent that the main character be manly.
2) Their mother was harmed by the father and "left" (takes various forms across multiple characters, and could include Joyce if she dies off)
3) The character is gay or trans - this gets messy but it seems like the character was AMAB but El represents their female self, plus all the masculinity problems
4) The character is in love with their childhood best friend, but irl that wasn't requited, at least on the surface, either because of differing orientations or just the norms at the time. (Evidence: Will/Mike, Robin/Tammy)
Those are what I'm confident of so far under this framing. I suspect Hopper's family falling apart and his daughter dying could be relevant too, maybe even the loveless Wheeler marriage, but those aren't quite as clearcut. Nor do I think any of this is that original so far.
Here's what I think is new: this character could be actively under treatment, to bring them back to reality. And Hawkins Lab ("Emerald City" according to Officer Powell in S1) could be where that treatment is taking place. And the explanatory power of this framing is pretty cool.
Dr. Brenner and Dr. Owens represent two different psychiatrists/psychologists who are trying to get through to the patient. Brenner doesn't have much of a bedside manner, but is taking an exposure therapy approach. He wants the patient to face their inner demons ("demogorgons," to quote Bob from that Stranger Things Reunion video) to heal their wounds. That scene where he hands El the flowers and tells her "today we make contact" is about doing a deep dive to try to confront her past. But when she touches the Demogorgon, she can't handle it and freaks, and it's let loose on the population. Hawkins Lab spends the rest of the first season trying to recover El (spying on phone conversations = listening to different voices in the patient speaking?), but they seem to panic and take extreme measures in doing so (staging Will's death was more to stabilize the situation, but e.g., murdering Benny - which from a Rick and Morty-esque view of the situation isn't as drastic as it is utilitarian, definitely poisoned them in El's mind). This leads to Brenner being lumped in with the abusive figures in El's life and distrusted. (Remember: Connie Frazier did the murdering, and from memory Brenner seems to disapprove of her methods. I recognize painting Brenner in a positive-ish light is going to be unpopular here, but just humor me for now - it's not inconsistent with the evidence we have so far. That might change.)
S1E8: Brenner: "Shhh! You're sick. You're sick but I'm going to make you better. I'm going to take you back home, where I can make you... well again. Where we can make all of this better. So no one else gets hurt."
El: "Bad."
Brenner: "???"
So in Season 1, basically the patient rejects Brenner's approach entirely (I mean, it does fail pretty epically) and they bring in someone new ("Those people are gone now. They're gone. Okay? So if we're gonna get through this, I just need you all to realize I'm on your side. I need you to trust me").
Season 2 has Dr. Owens, a new psychiatrist/psychologist with a better bedside manner but whose approach is more tolerable to the patient (at first): just ignore it. Pretend everything's normal, and every now and then when something stirs in the wound, torch it back to where it was. Why fix things when you can keep them under control?
But of course, this wasn't enough: the patient's trauma managed to escape under the surface (subconsciously, is the metaphor) and ooze out all over Hawkins. By the time Owens realized it, the darkness had entered Will and nearly consumed him, and so there was no ignoring it and no way to extinguish it without harming the patient.
Around this time, there's another interesting Brenner scene:
S2E7: El: You're not real.
Brenner: All this time and you haven't looked for me. Why? Because you thought I was dead? Or because you were afraid of what you might find?
El: Go away.
Brenner: You have to confront your pain. You have a wound, Eleven. A terrible wound...
El: GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!
Another callback to being afraid of facing one's fears. Brenner is the unwelcome treatment, but he also seems to be being painted as the necessary treatment.
One interesting side effect of this framing: Kali actively tries to exterminate the staff of Hawkins Lab. If Hawkins Lab is trying to help the patient return to reality, is Kali the villain here? Certainly she and her group come across as rather villainous despite the attempted endearment in S2E7...
Other miscellaneous notes: Dustin/Lucas in S1E2 suspecting El is from Pennhurst, maybe not wrong. S4 taking place in a mental hospital for parts?? Just lots to unpack here.
And of course, this could all be totally wrong. I just think the explanatory power is unusually good.
#stranger things#strangerthings#stranger things theory#stranger things analysis#brenner#psychologist#psychiatrist
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HASO, “Your Choice.”
I am having a lot of fun with this arc. Writing it has put me in a good mood, so I hope you like it as well :)
He walked the halls of the Oxystation with a gun slung over his front hanging from a shortened tac sling around his neck and shoulder. He rested his arms and hands against the weapon as he walked down the hall. The gun was more of a redundancy than anything, if any unwanted alien was able to breach the hull of the station with the armored patrol outside than his gun was just a token sign of resistance. Of course, there was always the possibility that one of the patients would become violent and attack a staff member, but that possibility was quite low, even lower than it was in human mental health clinics. Only five percent of the mentally ill population was any sort of danger to anyone but themselves, and a large percentage of that would still, likely, never do anything bringing that number down somewhere closer to one percent.
With aliens it was even less likely, they weren’t naturally aggressive like humans, so when their mental health tanked, it tended to do it with extreme anxiety and something that looked sort of like depression, though the different species presented the illness differently.
Working at the Oxyclinic had been good for him. It hadn’t been long until his enthusiasm for alien life had come trickling back in, and his fear had been discarded like a sock with a hole in it. He had even offered to help with the oxytheropy that the psychologists were offering. If anything was gong to get rid of his lingering fear of aliens, it was probably going to involve spooning one.
A weird way to deal with internalized fear but there you had it.
The oxystation wasn’t just for the oxytheropy. Human and alien psychologists were taking the time to learn about other species, and put together differing treatment plans for their patients. There was a high turnover rate, and not all the people who came to the clinic ended up staying, not all of them needed oxytheropy, and not all of them would do well having it considering that some of the fear the patients had often centered their issues around humans. To his surprise, he found that a lot of it centered around the Drev war.
He looked down at his watch and took a sharp right turn down the nearest hallway entering the guard quarters just as his watch reached the hour.
“Morning LT.” Someone called and he waved a hand.
“Anything to report?”
“Nothing, all is quiet as usual.”
He ejected the magazine of his gun, and checked the chamber to make sure it wasn’t still loaded before racking it in the safebox as one of the other men stepped up to take his place on patrol.
The other group of men and women looked up at him from where they sat around a table playing cards, “Want us to deal you in.”
Adam shook his head walking over to his locker and pulling out a fresh pair of light blue scrubs, “No I promised the doc I would help today.”
The other humans shook their heads and rolled their eyes, “leave it up to you to want to spoon aliens.”
“Spooning aliens is a lucrative job. You should try it sometime, maybe you’d finally have enough money to buy the bag you’ve always wanted.”
“Bag?”
“YEah the nice one to cover your face.” he shut the locker and grinned at the car players to let them know it was all in good fun before turning towards the bathroom, where he changed and stepped back out. The scrubs were very breazy in comparison to his guard uniform and he shivered slightly returning to his locker.
It was important for people working on the ward to be completely unarmed, and for the humans to look as non threatening as possible. A strict list of instructions urged them not to smile with their teeth, and to keep their hands and feet covered at all times. He wasn’t entirely sure if the fuzzy socks and mittens were entirely necessary for that, but apparently some of the aliens interpreted human nails as claws, and some genius had thought that covering them up like this was very nonthreatening.
Looking in the mirror he had to admit it worked.
In his light blue scrubs and the fuzzy white mittens, he looked more like the easter bunny than he did a killer.
But then again, in real life he didn’t look much like a killer either.
He turned to walk out the door flipping off the people geering at him before remembering that he was wearing a mitten, which kind of negated the point of the gesture.
From there he wandered back up the hall and was buzzed into the ward after waving to the camera. He went through a few metal detectors which pinged on his leg, but they let him through anyway as he stepped into the hall and up to the staff room where the other workers and a few psychologists were having a break.
He took a seat in a chair and idly watched the TV.
HE looked around at the people who wore similar clothes as him and noted, not for the first time, that it took a special kind of person to do this job. All of these people were remarkably docile and relaxed people, and as far as he knew the vast majority of them had no shame. Despite humans being prone to cuddling pretty much anything and everything, its was pretty hard to spoon an alien and not feel awkward about it, but these people right here, they either enjoyed it or they were damn good at faking it.
Adam wasn’t good at faking anything so he was the former.
HE shifted slightly in his seat thinking about some of the aliens on the ward before his mind inevitably shifted to…. To him…. The alien that he dreaded seeing the most…. A big, tall hulking creature that wandered his nightmares and made his leg ache.
The Drev.
The Drev with eyes like the thing that had stolen his leg.
He put a hand to his head feeling a bit dizzy. He had only had one PTSD related panic attack since getting here, and that was only because he had been accidentally exposed to the Drev unexpectedly one day and without knowing that he was on the ward. It had been embarrassing for him as he tried not to let anyone know about his condition, but based on that incident he had been forced to come clean.
Ever since that incident he had been quietly forcing himself to get closer and closer to the Drev despite the psychologists telling him that it was perfectly acceptable for him to step off the ward if the Drev was on.
But adam didn’t like that mentality much.
He had always felt, ever since returning from the Drev war, that people were too soft on him. They always sat there and told him that it was fine and whatever he needed to do was important, that he couldn’t blame himself if he couldn’t handle something. They were all very forgiving and very understanding, but that's not what he wanted. At some point, he felt that it was acceptable to get up in someone's face and tell them that: no you aren't doing good enough and that you behavior isn’t ok.
He wanted people to ask more of him, not less, and he wanted to get better not stay stagnant.
If other people wanted to spend their days medicated and avoiding the things that made them hurt than that was their decision, but he planned on healing all the way.
It was a thought that he espoused only for himself and did not apply it to others.
Their mental health was their business.
Either way, he was going to make something out of this, and had slowly been approaching the Drev on the ward over time. He didn’t know if the Drev knew, and it didn’t matter to him so much, but he did have a bit of his own agenda.
The door creaked open, and one of the psychologists stuck her head into the room looking around for a quick moment before her eyes fell on Adam.
“Lieutenant, can I speak with you for a moment.”
For a second Adam’s heart stopped a little. Was he in trouble? Had he done something wrong?
He tried looking at her face to see any signs of displeasure, but she was a difficult woman to read, so he stood slowly and followed her from the room and back into her office where he took a seat.
She sat across from him at her desk hands folded together. SHe looked him over with eyes that seemed to bore into his sole, “How are you doing, Adam.”
He shifted nervously in his seat, “Er… I thought I was a staff member not a patient.”
“Just humor me.”
“I’m good.”
“Any panic attacks recently.”
“No ma’am.”
“Are you being truthful.”
“You and I both know I’m shit at lying.”
She grunted and clasped her hands together looking at him with a stern expression.
HE shifted awkwardly in his seat, “What”
“I have… a mission for you, though it is one I worry might jeopardize your mental health if it goes wrong, and the mental health of my patient as well. If it goes right however I think it would do BOTH of you a world of good. What I would be asking you to do is…. Of questionable ethicality.”
That made him nervous. “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean by asking you to jeopardize your mental health, I could be in serious violation of a couple of major statutes in my field, however assuming you do it willingly it might not be so bad.”
Despite his apprehension, his curiosity won out, “Go on?”
“Kanan.”
“Cannon, WHat?”
“No, Kanan, the name of the Drev on the ward.”
Adam shifted in his seat, stomach churning, “Oh…. go on.”
“Have you noticed he has a limp.”
“I…. suppose I haven't looked closely enough.”
“Well he does, and you want to guess where he got that limp?”
He had a pretty good guess, “The war?”
“Exactly.”
“And….. I suppose you think….” He trailed off
“He lost everything during the war Adam, his mate, his honor, his home. He is injured and exiled, and at this moment there are very few people in the galaxy that can even partially understand what he has gone through.” She leaned back in her chair looking at him, “I think, that having someone like you to speak with about what happened would be,.... Beneficial to both of you.” She paused, “DId you know that human and Drev psychology is surprisingly similar….”
He shook his head, “Well it is, and I think the two of you would recover faster if you had something to work on together.”
“With all due respect ma’am, my papers say I’m recovered.”
“The UNSC isn’t exactly known for their in depth medical reviews Lieutenant. I know they overlooked some things. Either way, it’s your choice.”
***
Adam stood in front of the door. His hands were sweating leaving the inside of the mitten’s sticky and unpleasant. He felt nauseous, but swallowed to hold it down eyes wide as he stared at the door. What was he doing?
What was he doing?
He took a deep breath.
Not being a coward, that’s what he was doing. He reached a hand up and knocked on the door before he could chicken out. There was silence and the knock seemed to echo down the hall for eternity. He waited, and waited, and waited, and assumed at some point maybe he had caught the large alien sleeping, but then the door opened.
His human knee went weak, and it was only the prosthetic that kept him standing as he stared up at the huge, hulking figure.
Adam was, tall 6,2 to be precise, but this hulking behemoth had to have been around or over nine feet tall, with blood red armor, and four bulging arms. It stared at him with bright golden eyes that brought echoes of his past welling up into his ears. He felt as if he was about to fall over, but then the creature turned and trundled back into the room, snapping Adam out of his trance.
He was breathing hard, and he thought about turning back, but instead, he stepped softly into the room leaving the door open just as crack as he moved inside.
The room around him was dark, and the floor was scattered with crumbled pieces of paper.
A box of markers lay on the ground to one side. He looked down to see he was stepping on a discarded piece of paper, and stepped back to look down, realizing the drawing there was of a tree, with striped bark and spiraling branches. It looked like something out of a Dr Seus book though he recognized it as an Anum/ Anin coiltree.
He crouched down to pick the paper up.
He looked up to see the Drev had returned to the edge of his cot and was sitting down, a shapeless form in the dark.
“You mind if I turn the light on?” Adam asked.
At first the Drev didn’t answer, but then he took a long breath through those strange holes in his neck and managed a deep, rumbling, “THe colors are too bright.”
Adam paused then, “Well neither of us can see very well in the dark and, he held up the page, drawing in the dark can’t be easy.”
There was a grunt.
“I’m going to turn the lights on.”
The Drev didn’t stop him, and as he did the room lit up showing even more pages scattered over the floor, all drawings of Anin some of them sloppy, some of them, quite artistic for a species he hadn’t thought practiced art.
He knelt down to examine a few of them, “Not bad.”
He picked up one of the pictures to examine it.
“This looks like the valley between the volcanic belts.”
The Drev turned to look at him, and when his eyes fell on Adam, the page slipped from his hand floating back to the floor.
The uncanny deepness of it’s golden eyes unnerved him.
“You were in the war?”
Adam’s hands were shaking, but he clasped them together to hide that fact.”
There was a long silence between them, and then he reached down pulling up the leg of his scrubs to reveal the titanium construction underneath, “I was.”
The Drev seemed surprised and looked up at him.
“You were one of them.” he said it very flatly, and Adam suddenly grew very worried that the Drev would kill him in revenge for being part of the operation that decimated his people.
“One of your number killed my father.”
Fuck
He went to back away but the Drev just looked down.
He sighed very deeply, “You were a strong and worthy opponent. We never had a chance.”
His voice was not bitter, or hate filled. There was some measure of regret behind his words but not enough to constitute anger. And when Adam looked at the creature, he could do nothing but feel sorry for him.
He quietly walked over trying to avoid the pages on the floor and then, unsure, sat next to the large figure.
Adam was not used to feeling small, but sitting next to the huge figure of the drev, he felt very tiny indeed.
The inside of the gloves were absolutely soaking, and with some measure of annoyance he tossed them off and onto the floor.
He wiped his palm on his shirt, reached out, fingers trembling and rested a hand on the Drev’s arm.
“You want to tell me about it? I.. My people didn’t exactly take the time to understand yours….. Now that I think about it it hardly seems fair.”
The Drev snorted ,”My mother believed that war was supposed to be fair, but my father understood that there was always inherent unfairness in battle…. The two of them didn’t get along towards the end. I think I agree with my father, to assume that your species would abide by our rules of combat was…. Ignorant of us.” The Drev turned to look at him, “Your species is much more efficient at war than mine is.”
His hands weren’t shaking anymore.
And he realized that, when he looked at this Drev, He didn’t see much of an enemy at all.
But he did see someone broken by the war…. Just like him.
He looked down at his feet, and when he did his eyes came across another drawing. This one of a drev, It really only had an outline since it’s carapace seemed to be white, and the way it had been rendered with such delicate care, made it pretty clear to Adam who it might have been.
He picked it up quietly.
“You…. want to tell me about her?”
The Drev turned to look his eyes resting on the picture. Adam didn’t think up to this point he could read Drev facial expressions, but the welling of sadness in the creature’s face was so poignant that Adam felt his own chest tighten,
Damn the human’s heightened sense of empathy.
For a moment he thought the Drrev was going to tell him to get out, but, instead, he took the image and stared down at it, “Nechal…. Named after the moon….. She was the most glorious fighter I had ever seen in battle, strong, and graceful and powerful. She was not afraid to die, but she didn’t let that lower her guard. On the battlefield she was a goddess of war, and off…. She was…. Kind in ways that aren’t common among our people. I may have been attracted to her because of her fighting prowess, but I loved her because of the kindness she showed. Especially towards my sister… someone who needed kindness more than anyone I know.”
He took a very deep breath and when he spoke again his words were thick.
Could Drev cry?
“In our people it is…. Custom not to mourn the dead who are lost in battle because their return to the spiritual realm will be glorious. It is a great honor to lose a mate in battle….” He looked down at his four hands, “But I do not feel honored…. I feel alone…. I miss her, ever day and every night I miss her, and I wish she hadn’t died…” He looked up and when he did Adam was struck by the expression of pain and grief on his face.
As if he was feeling the Drev’s pain in real time, he felt his chest clench again, and tears welled in his eyes. How could he not?
Anyone who didn’t feel the same must have had no feelings?
“I was exiled because…. I could not follow her into the afterlife…. With my injury I should have given my body over to the fire, and maybe then I'd be with her, but I just…. I couldn’t do it. I miss her every day and yet I don’t have the strength to go to her…. I am a fraud among my people, a coward and a fraud and….
“Hey! Hold on.”
The Drev went quiet and turned to look at Adam who was now gripping his arm tight in one hand.
“You think she’d want to hear you say that.”
That seemed to take the Drev off guard and he stared at Adam with some measure of confusion.
“You said she was kind wasn’t she….. Well then I doubt she'd appreciate you talking about yourself like that.”
He was quiet for some time.
“Look I…. I lost my leg during the war to…. To one of your soldiers and. It’s messed me up for a real long time. Hell you scare the daylights out of me, but I’m moving forward.”
THe Drev frowned at him, “Scared of… us… you won?”
Adam laughed, “We didn’t win anything. Nobody won, a lot of people died and a lot of people were crippled, and for what? I think about that a lot, for honor? Honor. Well maybe I don’t understand what honor means because to me, it would be something worth dying over.”
The Drev contemplated him for a long time.
“We may have won but we did it with scared soldiers like me, and broken soldiers like me. I’m probably never going to recover from the war. That’s the difference between you and me, you guys can make it through war in one piece but me…. Humans… we may be good at war but it destroys us.”
He sighed, “I guess what I am trying to say is, instead of feeling sorry for what you can’t change, why not move forward. Do something you think is worth it, do something Ne-” he stumbled over the Drev word, “Nechal would think was worth it.”
He didn’t know what he was saying, he didn’t know if what he was saying even made sense. Nerves had always made him ramble. He knew he was talking too much but he didn’t know what else to do.
The Drev looked down, and Adam. as was his training made a bit of a decision.
He shut up.
Which was a feat in itself.
Reached over and hugged the larger alien. His arms didn’t make it anywhere close to wrapping around him, but he hoped that maybe it would help?
He didn’t know.
He was kind of just a raging idiot most of the time, so his plans were usually half assed at best.
The Drev stiffened and then relaxed. Adam’s head was resting against the creature’s huge planted shoulder. It felt like hugging corded steel cables.
He would have to say that being hugged by something with four arms was a bit of an experience. Most aliens didn’t usually hug back, they were more the recipient of hugs, but it seemed that the Drev wasn’t unfamiliar with the concept, either that or he learned fast, and damn Adam felt even smaller encircled in the arms of the huge alien.
Kanan could have crushed him if he wanted, but let him go not long after to Adam’s surprise and relief.
The Drev looked at him.
He looked back
“You are strange creatures.”
He gave a weak smile, forgetting the rule about showing teeth, “So they say.”
It was a bit of a gamble but things had worked out better than the psychologist could have hoped. Drev are more receptive to self reflection than humans are. Humans like to internalize things, and their brains become obsessive. Drev have more control over their minds in many cases than humans do, so Adam’s encouragement for Kanan to do something his dead mate would think worthwhile showed results almost immediately.
To Adam’s grudging pleasure, the Drev seemed to be recovering faster than he was.
And was well on his way to recovering completely when the communication came for Adam one night while he sat lying on his bed next to Waffles, thinking about his future.
The pink roused him from near sleep and he sat up on one elbow to look at the time.
i t was only nine earth time, so he rolled onto his side and sat up, patching the communication through.
A light blue screen of holographic image filled his vision, and on the other side he could see Colonel Kelly sitting in front of him….. At least Colonel until he realized the star on her uniform.
His eyes widened slightly. He went to speak but she shook her head at him.
“I trust you are doing well Lieutenant.”
“Yes ma’am. I have no complaints.”
She nodded, “Good, good, I am sorry to intrude, but I am afraid this rest period is over for you. You are requested to return to earth on the next outgoing transport.”
He frowned and rubbed the back of his head, “Uh of course ma’am but…. Why?”
She stared at him long and hard, ‘I have a very important decision for you to make. It is one that is not going to be popular or easy, but I urge you to accept my request.���
He frowned and shook his head, “You aren't making sense, What is this all about?”
“Tensions are rising between our delegates and the GA, if we don’t do something soon, I am worried that this will devolve into infighting and eventually war. I have to work fast in order to stop this outcome, and you are the lynchpin that holds my plan together.”
“Me.” He squeaked.
“Yes, you, now Adam, be honest with me. What is your opinion on the GA and our involvement with them?”
He rubbed the back of his neck though his thoughts were adamant, “Cooperation wherever and however possible. We need them, and I believe they could due with being our allies, ma’am.”
“And if I gave you a job to try and reach that goal, would you take it?”
“I would do whatever I had to do ma’am.”
He was being truthful.
She nodded her head.
“Good then, it’s your choice at the end of the day, but if we act now, we can change everything.”
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Fever Dreams
NOTE: Sorry guys for the delay but work kept me from having free time but I was able to come up with this. someone requested a sick baby Danvers getting a fever after some stressful event and then being taken care by her sisters. Hope you like it, I now figured out I cannot do small stories or prompts. I kept writing until I saw the number of pages lol anyways, enjoy.
word count: 5937
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You were discussing some ideas with your boss, Regina, she laughs at something you said when suddenly she received a call. She holds up her hand signaling for you to wait for a moment so she can take the call.
Regina: “yes? , yes she is here. Oh, I see. Yes, I understand. Ok, I’m sending her downstairs right away. No thanks are needed.” - her smile fell and started at you with sorrow in her eyes. She walks to you and holds your hands looking straight into your eyes-
Y/n; “was that about me?” - you asked afraid of the answer.
Regina: “ y/n I need you to listen and don’t panic. There was a situation involving your sisters. I don’t know the details, but you are needed downstairs. Lena Luthor is here for you; you need to go with her. Don’t worry about work, please take off the time you need and don’t forget that whatever you need I’m here for you”
At the mention of situation involving your sisters, you pale and basically ran from your boss’s office to the reception area where Lena Luthor was already waiting for you, her face hard and imposing. Not really reflecting any emotion. So, you couldn’t really get how bad the situation was.
Y/n: “please tell me they’re are okay?” - you tear up not knowing what to expect.
Lena grabs ahold of you and hugs you hard and in very calm and soft voice for only you able to hear says: “they’re alive. They were taken to the DEO. Their condition is unknown, I came for you as soon as I found out. Come on sweet girl. We need to go”
You just nod and let Lena drag you into her car. Your mind and heart running a hounded miles per hour thinking of all worst-case scenarios possible. You are even dreading one them is dead or worse both and you are not being told the truth. You feel your anxiety rise and your hands are a tremble mess.
Lena notices but when you look at her, you schooled your emotions and try to look detached from your thoughts, you need to be strong for your sisters. You need to focus on them, and you can’t let Lena or anyone else worry over you on top of everything. So, you just swallow and bottle everything up.
Y/n: “I’m okay Lena, I just need to see them” - you say in a monotonous tone and hold your hands in your lap.
Lena: “I’m worry too sweetheart. But we are almost there” - she gives your arm a gentle squeeze and turns to look at her phone. You know she must be running all possible scenarios and outcomes in her head; Lena is a very analytical person. You take a deep breath and try to comfort her; Lena needs you too.
Y/n: “you know we are talking about the two most stubborn and powerful women we know. They are highly trained and one of them is basically indestructible. And the other is pretty much a ninja” - you give Lena a warm smile and you can see a hint of a smile on her and you grab her hand in yours.
You both arrive at the DEO and you are immediately received by Jon and lets you know what happened and the current condition of both Danvers sisters.
The mission was compromised, and Alex was taken out of the location unconscious, blood in the back of her head, a contusion and is currently in the intensive care unit because they are monitoring her heart. The worse of the attack was inflicted upon Kara. Somehow the unsubs got ahold of green Kryptonite lined spears and Kara was hit with 6 of them. She lost a lot of blood and she was currently in a coma due to the severity of the injuries and blood loss.
Lena asked to be able to see Kara and foresee the blood transfusion with the blood the DEO was able to get from Kara previously and she kept guarded in her lab for situations such as this.
You let her, not quite ready prepare to see Kara in such state. You also didn’t want Alex alone, so you asked to be taken to her. They were in different areas for their treatments and would take a while before they could be placed in the same room.
You are now siting next to Alex in the ICU, she has some bruises and cuts littering her arms and face. A bandage on the back of her head, she looks peacefully asleep. However, there’s a bunch of wires and tubes everywhere and they are keeping close watch on her heart rate and they have her under sedation. After a while of you holding your big sister hand, the door opens, and you can see Lena on the other side. you walk out of the ICU room to speak with her. She gives you a rundown of the status with Kara, and asks you if you want to see her while she stays with Alex. You nod and walk to your blonde superhero sister medical room. You steel yourself, prepare for what you are about to see and make sure you don’t show any anxiety or discomfort you sister can pick up on. They need to focus on healing, no worrying on their baby sister. You again put on a brave face and keep walking.
When you enter the medical wing where they have the sunlamps installed, you are face with the vision of your powerful and bubbly blonde sister, she looks so still and small in the bed, she is covered with a white blanket but you can definitely see bruises on her, bruises!!! She never bruises. She looks so pale, and there’s a bag of blood next to her arm, the transfusion they mentioned before. And you take a shuddering breath and walks further into the room, you place a gentle kiss on her forehead and sit next to her. You take her hand in yours, and you note she feels cold and she is never cold. She is quite the opposite; she is a furnace all the time. But her hands are cold, and she looks pale and she has bruises and cuts on her arms. You feel so sad and lost, she is supposed to be almost indestructible and somehow someone made sure to have available the one thing that could bring Supergirl to her knees, to hurt her …to kill her.
You push your worries and anxiety away and try to calm and look this the positive way, they are here. They are both alive and they will recover from this. You stay with Kara for a long time, you are not sure how long, but after a while you are being asked to step out so they can check on Kara and move Alex from the ICU to Kara’s medical room.
For the next two days you stay strong, keep a brave face and make sure to leave and get food and coffee for Lena and the team taking care of your sisters. You need to feel useful, make sure you don’t crumble under pressure and anxiety at looking at your sisters so beaten up. Alex woke up after 12 hours and she was very out of it for the concussion and looked terribly exhausted. Kara was doing better the sunlamps working their magic, but she did end up blowing off her powers and she was healing slower than usual, but on the mend. she was mostly recovered after 36 hours but was kept at the DEO anyways.
You walk into one of the labs Lena is working on some samples to bring her lunch. She’s been working nonstop on getting a suit or artifact to make sure Kara never gets affected by kryptonite like this again. She has her tablet on her hand and looks furious.
y/n: “knock knock… hi Lena, here I brought you lunch., I noticed you haven’t left this place so here. Salad, a chicken wrap and iced tea. Healthy enough right?”
Lena changes her demeanor instantly and covers her tablet, facedown on the table.
Lena: “Hi sweetie, you’re a Gods send, no I haven’t eaten so I’m starving. Thank you so much.” – she is about to dig into her food when there’s a phone call to one of the phones in the lab. She perks up immediately.
Kara: “Kara woke up from her nap, do you mind if I go and say hello? and then you can stay with her ill come back and eat lunch and you can have yours with Kara”
Y/n: “Of course, I don’t mind your dork, Ill stay here while you say hello and then we will switch spots.”
Lena almost runs into the med bay to see Kara and she forgets to lock and take the tablet with her. You notice the tablet and got curious, whatever Lena was watching seemed to make her very mad, so you decided to be nosy and took the tablet. It was a video, you hit play and what you see is the worst things you could’ve witness.
Is the footage from the mission, you can see how Kara is getting attacked by the spears, embedding into her skin like butter. She shouldn’t be hurt that easily and you see your sister bleed from different spots. Then there’s movement and lots of people getting hurt and all of sudden Alex and Jon run into the place Kara is kneeling and bleeding. Jon is now trying to control de attacker, Alex notices something and her eyes go wide with worry and gets in between whatever she is seeing and Kara. A sort of electric wave or shock hits Alex and she becomes airborne and then hits the floor hard, she is now unconscious on the floor. You can hear the most painful and devastating scream coming out of Kara, who is desperately trying to move to get to Alex the best she can with kryptonite om her body. She Is screaming Alex’s name and what follows makes your blood run cold.
[[Kara (voice from the video) “ Nooo Alex!!! Jon help her heart just stopped!”-Jon finishes to subdue the enemy and runs towards Alex and you cant look away from the footage. Jon is shouting orders and he is doing CPR and Alex. Some agent runs with a black box and looks to be a defibrillator and they began to work on getting Alex back. She is basically dead; she has no heartbeat. They shock her 4 times before you can see Jon’s shoulders sag with relief and then Kara goes limp next to Alex. ]]
You stop the video and lock the tablet. You have tears running down your cheeks, what you saw its just awful, you know your sisters are okay now, but they could’ve been killed, and they barely made it out there with their lives this time. how many times has this happened before? Are they always getting hurt like this? Would they die eventually on missions? Many scenarios began to pop up In your mind and how any day now you could lose them and become completely alone in the world. They are everything to you and now you just saw how bad things can get for them. You can breathe you feel like all air is leaving your lungs. So, you run, you don’t want for Kara or Alex finding out your saw that or that you need help, they don’t need to be looking out for you. You run to a led lined room and try to control your panic attack. You fall to the ground and pull your legs up towards your chest and try to control your breathing, you force yourself to steady your heart rate. You must control it; you need to shove it inside deep inside and don’t let it show. For them, you need to keep this from them. After a very long time you feel yourself drifting out from exhaustion and then you sit there alone until you can feel more normal.
You find a restroom and clean your face and then you look at your reflection, you look haunted and exhausted. You wash your face and try to compose yourselves. You leave the room and then you see Lena walking towards you.
Lena: “There you are! I’ve been trying to find you for almost an hour. Are you okay? Are you sick or hurt?” - Lena is looking at you from head to toes trying to see what’s wrong. You need to control it.
y/n: “I’m fine Lena. I was waiting for you, but I was starting to get sleepy, so I just left to walk it off for a bit and clear my head. I guess time slipped from me”
Lena didn’t press much, but you could see she didn’t buy it completely she looked suspicious of you but let it slide for now “Ok, that’s okay. Kara and Alex have been asking for you. Why don’t you go see them? They will be able to go home tomorrow”
Y/N: “Yeah totally I’m om my way and finally and can’t wait to have them home. Are you coming or what?”
You and Lena spend the afternoon with the Danvers sisters and Alex noticed something was off with you, so you tried to deflect and avoid getting any attention from them, they needed to focus on themselves. Not you.
Alex: “Kiddo you look tire why don’t you just jump in bed with me and sleep for a while? Come on!”- the red head pats the bed next to her and you want it so bad, to lay there and be comforted by your sister but you can’t. You need to show them you are strong and can be the one looking out for them this time.
y/n:”I’m not tired Alex, I’m okay. Do you need anything water, food or a snack?”
Kara: “Sweet girl stop, we are good. But you do look a bit run down. You been here for days and you haven’t slept or eaten enough. Just rest for a little; if not with Alex come on, you can sleep with me, Please? I really could use on of your certified hugs? - Kara gives you the best puppy eyes she can muster.
Alex “Hey, I asked first, and I want a hug too” – she pouts
You chuckle at her antics and you can see Lena looks quite suspicious of you and is looking more at you than any of the remaining Danvers in the room. So you walk to Alex and give her a hug and a kiss “I love you, but I will lay down with Kara because you still have burnt marks on your chest and I don’t want to hurt you”
Alex just pouts but she doesn’t really care about who you end up crashing on, she just wants you to rest and sleep for a while. So, you comply. Besides you lied, because you know Kara is always running hot, she hardly notices when you are running a fever and you can feel yourself getting a headache and you do feel a bit warm. But you think is just stress and if you sleep for a while it will go away.
Kara opens her arms and smiles broadly “Come on little one, jump in and give me some sugar”
You walk to Kara and get comfortable next to her and you inhale her scent, you can always find comfort in their smell and their touch. You let yourself drift off and then, you’re out like a light. You might be more tired than you pretended no to be.
The room becomes silent for a few minutes.
Alex: “Is she out?” - she asks Kara who nods in approval.
Kara is running her fingers through y/n hair and Lena walks towards Kara and y/n.
Lena: “She is out. Something is off with her. She’s been extremely quiet, not in a bad way but like she seems to be trying to avoid breaking down or look too preoccupied. She took into herself to run food and drink errands for everyone, trying to keep busy at all times. Even when she was siting with any of you, she would look a little detached.”
Alex: “she is deflecting, and she does looks exhausted. Poor thing. I bet it was awful on her getting both her sister hurt. She needs to rest too, and we will make that happened”
Kara just hums in approval; she is too preoccupied looking down at y/n running her fingers through her hair and hummin softly a song. Lena just keeps watching Kara make soothing strokes on y/n.
Lena: “well, I leave for now to make sure the fridge is stocked up and have your beds ready with fresh sheets. Alex, Kara and I think its better if you stay at Kara’s and Y/N for a few days. y/n said you can have her room, I will stay with Kara and even tough y/n said she was taking the couch, she is most likely than not be using you as her human teddy bear and sleep with you”
Alex: “ yeah, I guess that’s the best. I want to keep a close eye on y/n. make sure she really is okay. And she will feel better if she has us around for the next couple of days”
Y/n moves in her sleep and scrunches up her face in disapproval of the noises in the room.
Kara just hums and keeps the soothing patterns “Shh sleep little one. You’re okay”
Lena whispers “Ok I’m leaving I’ll be back in the morning to take you all home” – she then gives Kara a sweet kiss on her lips and runs down gently her fingers on y/n temple. –“Sleep good sweet girl”
Kara “Good night baby. See you in the morning”
Alex: “Good night Lena, thank you for everything. See you in the morning”
Lena: “None needed Alex, it’s my pleasure besides who kept everyone motivated and going was here our sweet y/n. She deserves the credit for keeping us sane and fed. Now she deserves a good night rest”
Alex and Kara nod and say goodbye and continue to watch over y/n during the night. In the morning Lena arrives early so they all can leave. But she is concerns when she sees that y/n still asleep.
Kara: “good morning my love. We are ready. I´ll carry the goober here I have pretty much all my strength back so I’m good to go. She woke up a little while ago to eat some fruit and a jell-O. But she pretty much passed out after that. She is completely exhausted”
Kara is now wearing pants and looks like she just took a shower. y/n is passed out on the hospital bed slightly snoring next to Kara.
Alex walks into the room also wearing DEO issued pants and carrying a small bag. “I’m ready to go”
They all arrive at the Danvers apartment and settle down for the day. Kara carries y/n to her own room to let Alex in y/n room rest for a while. Being human she is not at 100% like she is. Lena and Kara end up in the kitchen deciding on lunch and Alex is now napping for a little bit as well.
A little while after Kara walks into her room to check on y/n, she is still asleep which is now a bit worrisome.
Kara: “y/n baby. Wake up. Come on, just wake up for a little bit to eat something”
You began to stir in bed and give a cute yawn and waking up a bit more. You feel a headache and you don’t feel so good. But you remember what happened and notice you are in your sister room. You bolt upright.
y/n: “what happened? what time is it? Why I’m I in your room?- you look frantic.
Kara: “Calm down kiddo. We’re home. You were so tired, so we just let you sleep for a while. I brought you here to let you rest more. And Alex took your room. Are you hungry?”
y/n: “ohh ok, I guess I was more than tired than I thought. Yeah, I could eat”
You walk to the kitchen next to Kara and you see Lena there platting some food.
Lena “Hi there sleepy head, feeling better?” – Lena approaches you and gives you a peck on your cheek.
Lena frowns at the warm feeling on your cheek and touches your forehead and cheeks with her hands.
Lena: “Sweetie you feeling okay? You are a bit warm and your cheeks look a bit flush”
Y/n: “I’m good, just tired. I think I’ll grab a bite and sleep some more”- you sit on one of the chairs at the counter and slump yourself on the table.
Kara looks worried at you and she then looks back at Lena. “how warm, should I bring the thermometer?”
You just grunt- “No Kara, I’m fine I just need food and more sleep. I’m okay no need to worry. You and Alex are the ones that were attacked and are recovering. I’m just sleep deprived”
Kara: “y/n, don’t lie to me baby girl. Or I will go and get Alex to make sure you are really okay”
y/n: “NO!!!, don’t bother her with this. Let her sleep, she needs it. I’m fine but if it does make you feel better bring the thermometer but just let Alex sleep”
Lena and Kara look at you, confuse at your outburst. You seem to be a little on edge.
Alex: “No need to worry about me sleeping. I’m up. What’s this all about?”
Lena: “y/n feels a Little too warm and she seems tense”
You give Lena a dirty look – “No I’m not, and I’m FINE. I just need more sleep to feel better and that’s all”
Alex approaches you and feels your forehead and cheeks. She also puts her lips to your forehead, and you sigh in appreciation of having your sister near you. You rest your forehead on her shoulder and Alex just hold your near her.
Alex: “You are a little warm, but nothing too bad. I’m giving you Tylenol for the headache and mild fever. Just eat something first”. - she hugs you for a little bit more and kisses your head and sits down next to you.
After lunch Alex gave you Tylenol and the four of you ended up in the living room watching a movie. You avoided mentioning anything in regard the attack and the injuries your sisters sustain no wanted to let them know you saw what really happened to them. However, the movie you were all watching, was a Sci-Fi movie. Alex and Lena making remarks on how bad and unreal the effects were and you felt yourself tense at the images. There was one in particular, where a laser beam was aimed towards someone and you could see Alex being hit and then lying down on the ground dead. You couldn’t keep watching that it was all too raw. You could feel the anxiety and stress of those couple of days and you just turn into Alex to hold her close and hide your face in her neck, not wanting to keep watching or listening to the movie.
Lena noticed your demeanor change as well as your sisters. Kara got back her powers and could feel your heart rate increased and she paused the movie.
Kara: “You okay little one?”- she asks but you just shrug and hide further into Alex.
Alex is combing her fingers through your hair, but you nudge a bit to hard and you can feel Alex stiff a little and hiss in pain. You accidentally touched one of the burn marks on her chest. You sit up and release your hold on Alex.
You have tears in your eyes and feel so bad for hurting Alex: “I’m So sorry Alex. I, …I forgot you were still healing I didn’t mean it. I’m just tired. I think I´ll just go to sleep; I don’t feel like watching the movie anymore. I’ll get the air mattress so you can still watch the movie or whatever you want. And whenever you are ready you can take the bed Alex. Good night” - you rambled nonstop and try to leave as fast as you can, but Alex grabs you by your waist and pulls you into her and prevent from you to run way.
Alex: “hey hey none of that, you didn’t hurt me. It was an accident and I’m okay. Please calm down for a bit, take a deep breath. That’s it, deep breaths.” Alex holds you near and rubs up and down you back in a soothing way – “Don’t shut us out. You don’t have to pretend that what happened didn’t affected you and to be strong for us. We are okay, we are here with you and I know see us like that wasn’t easy for you. We know the risks but it’s different for you. So please let us in.”
And that’s too much for you to handle and you just break down completely all the fears and anxiety you been building up for days now comes out through Gut-wrenching sobs that tore through your chest and you cling to Alex like a lifeline. You try to follow Alex’s instructions, but you just can’t, you feel tightening in your throat and you take short intakes of breath. You starting to feel lightheaded and you faintly can hear her voice and now Kara’s, not sure who’s.
You feel your legs being swept from under you and you know its Kara strong and caring arms carrying you.
Alex: “Take her to the bedroom I’m getting her inhaler just keep trying to calm her down a little. Lena can you grab a cold compress and bring it to her room, please” – Alex says in a hurry and everyone moves.
Kara: “Little one, I know I know please try to take a deep breath”- and you try but you start to cough and try to take a breath, but you keep choking.
Alex: “I got it, here baby please take a puff” – you feel the inhaler being pressed to your mouth and try to get in the medication. You fail the first time and choke on air. “That’s Okay sweetie try again, here we go, breath in…” – this time you can get the medication in and you give rest to your burring lungs. A second time and you feel like you can breathe again.
Kara: “that’s it little one, slow but deep breaths. Just like that” – Kara soothing voices echoes through your head as well as Alex’s. You feel something cold being pressed to the back of your neck and forehead.
You feel the relief of been able to breathe properly and you began to calm down a bit. Your sobs turn into sniffling and you are limp against Kara. But then you are being moved one more time, you feel a second pair of arms, Alex. Her soft and firm arms are embracing you and you feel more relaxed now. You want to apologize for the outburst, but you feel so very tired you can barely keep your eyelid opens anymore.
Alex: “go to sleep sweet girl. We are here, you’re not alone and we are not going anywhere okay”
Kara” Just sleep baby.”- you feel Kara fingers in run through your head and neck. And then you are out like a light.
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You can see Alex lying on the ground dead, her eyes wide and void. No life in them. Just Gone. And Kara next to her barely alive, you run to her and put her head on your lap. Tears are running down your cheeks and you feel your chin trebling. Kara is so pale and cold; she is barely breathing. and you can see her eyes are so sad, she knows Alex is gone and now your about to lose Kara too. And then her eyes start to close. And you cant stand that,” Kara no, no, no,no,no please wake up. You can leave me, please hang on wake-up Kara”- but Kara is too weak and tries to give you a small smile “I’m sorry sweet girl…” and she is gone…
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y/n: “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!” – You bolt upright screaming and great tremor overtake you. Body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears. You try to move and then you feel arms around you.
Kara runs into the room followed by Lena who notices you are being cradled by Alex and you look to be completely out of out of it. Sweat pouring down your face and body. Your cheeks red and blotchy.
Alex: “her fever spiked, pass me the thermometer please”
Lena presses the device to read the temperature on you and when there’s a beep 104°F Everyone’s eyes go wide with worry.
Alex: “Kara take her to the bathroom; we need to lower her core temperature STAT”
You are mumbling incoherent things through choked sobs “No Kara, don’t leave, Alex dead. Please No…” -you keep crying and Kara takes you into the bathroom while Alex works on getting lukewarm water running in the bathtub, she steps inside and signals to Kara to lower you on her lap. You sister stripped you down to your underwear. You feel water on your body, and it feels like icy pricks all over and you try to move and scape the cold, but you can’t. you are being held down.
Alex: “y/n baby please calm down; you are going to be fine. I’m here. We need to bring your temperature down” -she keeps holding you and trying to sooth you while Kara keep pouring water down your head, back, neck and arms. You stay in the water for a very long time, you are not sure for how long.
y/n: “Why did you leave me Alex?” – you mumble softly and hide you face into the crook of her neck, Tears welled from deep inside and coursed down your cheeks.
Alex and Kara look at loss, obviously they know their sister is hallucinating from the high fever.
Lena: “I Noticed something was off since that day at the DEO and I couldn’t find her. I forgot my tablet at the lab, and she was there. I wasn’t sure if she saw the footage but guessing from how she thinks you are dead; I think she took the tablet and watch the video from the mission”
Alex nods and keeps trying to calm you down and bring down the fever “That’s okay sweet girl, I’m here. I’m here with you, I did not leave you” -she keeps her mantra of soft words and holding you. “Lena do you have the a FeverAll suppository.?”
Lena nods.
Alex: “Okay, Kara I need you to take y/n I’m going to dry myself a little bit. Take her into her room and change her into a clean set of under wear and just gently remove the excess water, don’t dry her completely. That will keep her cool enough. Don’t put any pajamas on her, maybe just a lose tank top. Lena if you could bring more cold compresses and water or if we have Pedialyte. And just leave the medication in her night stand I will administrate that in a moment”
Kara paces you in you bed and Lena walks in setting the things Alex requested on the nigh stand while touching your cheeks and forehead and you feel cooler to the touch. “She feels more cooler now, I’m going to leave the suppository here and the water. I´ll be in your room, so Alex and y/n have a little privacy for her to administrate the medication”
Kara: “poor baby, she hates those. But they better for her. Ok Love I’ll be there in a bit. I just want to make sure she is okay and comfortable after Alex gets here”
Lena: “Of course baby. Let me know if you need anything else”- Lena leans down to kiss your forehead and then kisses Kara and leaves the room.
Alex walks in and checks y/n temp. still a mild fever, but not in comparison to what it was before the bath in lukewarm water.
Alex: “She is definitely cooler now, but I need to administrate the fever reducer suppository. Lower her underwear and Can you move her to lay on her left side please, and just bent her upper leg towards her abdomen?”
You tense at Alex words; you really don’t like this kind of medication it’s too uncomfortable. You try to move away. Kara keeps you steady.
Kara: “I know you don’t like them, and you don’t need to be embarrassed, this will help you feel better soon.” – you just looked at her with glazed eyes and sniff, resigned you knew she is right. But still you don’t like it.
Alex put on a rubber glove and a bit of water-based lubricant on her finger to make things easier for you.
Alex: “This will be quick I promise sweet girl just relax take a slow deep breath through your mouth”-you feel Alex push your leg a little bit more into your abdomen and Kara holds you still. You take a deep breath and you feel the uncomfortable sensation of the intrusion of a foreign object being pushed into your body that way. Alex is very gentle and does a quick job and waits a moment to prevent the expulsion of the suppository and then removes her glove and goes to wash her hands.
Kara: “That was all. You did great little onel. Now close your eyes and relax, go back to sleep”
Alex returns to the room and you are almost asleep on Kara, but when Kara sees Alex walk back into the room she moves you so you can still be lying down on your side but this time near Alex. The red head in turn gathers you in her arms and begins running a hand up and down your spine so you can relax and fall asleep. You feel Kara move from the bed and you tear up.
Y/n: “Sissy can you stay too? Please, just tonight”- you don’t feel good and now you are definitely not trying to prove anything to anyone, you feel like shit and you want your sisters.
Kara: “Of course I can stay. Just let me go and say goodnight to Lena and I’ll be right back”
y/n: “okay”- you say in small voice and you began to move more into Alex. She holds you near and presses a cold compress to the back of your neck and face.
Alex: “Close your eyes baby, Kara will be right back. We are here and we are not leaving you sweet girl”- she keeps the soothing touches and you start to feel the heaviness of sleep and you are almost asleep when you feel the bed dip and a second touch on your temple.
Kara: “Lena says good night sweet girl and she promised to make chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, Yaaay” – Kara keeps her touch light and you feel her near, but not as close as Alex. They don’t want to overheat your skin and you feel their presence near you to be just perfect and you drifted-off into a dreamless sleep.
note II: all mistakes are mine, its late and I just finish this and post it like that. I need sleep.
#sickfic#baby danvers#baby!danvers#alex x baby danvers#baby danvers x lena#baby danvers x kara#alex danvers#alex danvers imagine#supergirl#supercorp#lena x reader#lena luthor imagine#lena x supergirl#lena luthor#kara danvers imagine#kara x reader#kara danvers
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Either Clow lied to Yuuko's face or Eriol lied to Sakura's face and the memories left behind for her were lies too.
Or maybe a bit of both?. Bear with me. Basically, the problem is there are conflicting versions regarding Clow's 'Death' and his motivations for it between CCS and Tsubasa/Holic:
I've said it in previous rants, but Yuuko states in the Holic Kei CD drama that his death came as a surprise to her ('Even though red wine was your favorite, I couldn't make you have some- by then you were already gone, all of a sudden') which- you'd think maybe if he and Yuuko are like the big masterminds behind everything that's going on along with Fei Wang, he'd like.... let her know what he's going to do??? Specially since he knows (Either because he decided or just foresaw it) WHEN he was going to 'Die'?? Like he let Yue and Kero know in advance and all??? He definitely knew WHEN he was going to 'Die' and just decided not to tell her. So that's one thing.
Then, when her time starts moving again and she's disappearing, she's expecting to reunite with him ('To death... to where you are...') which kind of makes sense within a simplistic vision of 'He died' that she's seemingly subject to... except, we know Clow is not as much 'Dead' as 'Nonexistant' by then. As per CCS canon shown to us through a vision Sakura has, at the time where he was supposed to die, he split into two separate, living beings: Eriol, who has all of his memories and magic (And yet is still a different person as per his own statement.), and Fujitaka, who is a common human being. In other words, he can't meet her ever again because he isn't anywhere. But she doesn't seem to know this.
(You could argue that he didn't as much lie to her as deliberately with-held information- an you'd have a point, but it's still a pretty shitty thing to do to the woman you're already leaving with a shit-ton of problems to solve in your stead, specially if she's under the impression that the two of you will eventually meet again when she's done playing her role cleaning after your mess.)
Not sure why Eriol didn't like- drop by and explain things to her but perhaps he didn't want to pain her further by letting her know Clow didn't exist anymore? And instead he left her with an empty promise. Charming. (To be fair, he's not Clow anymore, so technically this wasn't his business anymore, but like- he's just not gonna say anything because he's technically someone else? Bruh.)
Then there's the matter of Clow having spent some time (At least a good five years) as the king of Clow Country. By TRC's account, this would have happened after he told Yue and Kero that he was going to die- an here's where another contradiction enters because, as I've already stated, Sakura Kinomoto SAW the moment where he split into two happen. So we're left with- he either was lying to Sakura in her vision regarding WHEN his 'Death' happened (In reality it happened years into Yue and Kero being asleep and not on that same day.) OR he lied to Yuuko and was coming and going from Clow country for years, even as they were still making the Mokonas and later when they were sharing custody of them, making his final moment with Yue and Kero completely true.
(In the case Sakura summoned that vision by herself without his participation, this would make it the truth and mean he definitely lied to Yuuko.)
The only other options are: 1- Because time flows differently in each dimension, he managed to live a handful of years in Clow Country and then go back to his world to 'Die' within the same day. Or 2- Because logic was already collapsing, the timelines are not really meant to add up in any way that makes sense... which just sucks for the reader because everything else can more-or-less be explained in a satisfactory way, even if it's one that includes time paradoxes. This just feels lazy.
Now, timing aside, the contradictions between Sakura's account of his 'Death' and what Yuuko thinks it to be leave us with another matter: Either he, once more, lied to Sakura in that vision he left behind for her OR he lied to Yuuko, making her think he was going to come back to visit still when in reality he was going to 'Die' and THEN making her think he was dead and in the world of the dead when in reality Clow is completely gone and what's left of him is still among the living.
(Once more, Even in the case Sakura summoned that vision by herself without his participation, it'd only mean he definitely lied to Yuuko.)
Then, Eriol reveals that when Clow split himself in two, his wish was to 'Not be the most powerful magician in the world anymore', and the motivation behind this, he says, is that the knowledge of the future was too painful a burden for him. Meanwhile, Tsubasa establishes that the reason he begun to hate his power and his status as the world's most powerful magician was his accidental wish. So what is the truth?
Look, I know, OK? I know CCS predates Tsubasa and Holic and it's possible CLAMP hadn't really planned on explanding the Clow lore like that, but the matter still stands that these conflicting statements make Eriol look like a liar.
(UNLESS, an this is something I for whatever reason had stored in my memory as canon but I don't know WHERE I got it because it's nowhere in the manga and I don't think it's in the anime either, though it's been a good ten years since my last full rewatch... unless Eriol has lost all the memories of Clow's life and therefore completely forgotten about Yuuko. Which would make him an unreliable narrator more than a liar, but certainly adds insult to injury where Clow's treatment of her regards.)
Finally, there's the matter of Clear Card's current problem being that Sakura is growing too powerful to control her magic- which, Tomoyo HAD pointed out it sounded like it could happen when Eriol revealed he was wrecking shit up to help her become more powerful so that she could help him give half of his magic to Fujtaka at the end of CCS. What did the creepy little ferret say back then? 'Nah, we're good, she can handle it'. So, that was a lie. It's specially bad when you realize it's also stated that Touya is recovering his powers little by little- meaning their magic grows with time. Meaning there was no way Sakura's power wasn't going to grow enough to start being a problem eventually.
Again, Clear Card is a new work and CLAMP probably didn't plan on expanding CCS when they finished the original manga, but the fact that all of this happened despite Eriol straight out telling them it wouldn't makes him look like either an idiot or a liar, and one that threw Sakura under the bus to save himself. I have a feeling a lot of things in Clear Card are going to get reversed conveniently because the wand Sakura Kinomoto hands to her adult!clone self in Tsubasa is still the star one (which doesn't exist anymore in Clear Card), but right now as per April 2021, Eriol is not looking great.
Of course, it's always possible this is just CLAMP not quite fact-checking themselves as well as they could before referencing their other works in the newer ones or something like that but if I'm right... we just added another layer of fucked-up to Clow's character.
#CLAMP#xxxHoLic#CCS#tsubasa reservoir chronicle#Clow Reed#srsly this is another one of the reasons I have such a strained relationship with Clow x Yuuko#It just seems o me like she continuously got the short end of the stick whenever it involved him#cc rants
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Life stuff
this feels kind of weird, because i’ve never used my tumblr like this, but i would have written something on my livejournal, and i want people to know - i just dont want to have to tell people about it, or really talk about it at all.
but i also wanted to write this, idk.
(TW: impending death of a parent)
my mum has cancer.
it’s a rare form of cancer, called peritoneal cancer, which is similar to but different from ovarian cancer - i think it mostly gets diagnosed (like my mum’s) when it’s too late to do anything about it. all the treatment has been palliative only i.e. letting her live as long and as comfortably as possible.
she was diagnosed in september last year - about a year ago, a few months after running the ‘virtual’ london marathon on the isle of wight, where she lives, and obviously deep in lockdown.
as someone undergoing chemo, she was deemed extremely vulnerable to covid, and so she spent most of the early pandemic isolating. she also said she didn’t see any point in my brother and i visitng her, particularly given the risks, because we could talk via facetime - which is fair enough - all of which meant my brother and i didn’t go to visit her until May this year, after she’d done the first lot of chemo and was already doing much better again.
a few months after that, we found out that while she’d responded really well to the chemo, her cancer wasn’t responding at all to the maintenance drugs that were suposed to stop it coming back, so she came off the drugs completely. medical advice was basically chemo is as effective whenever you do it, so you might as well enjoy your life for a while, we’ll monitor it every month, and when things start to get too bad, we’ll put you back in chemo.
it’s friday tomorrow - so two fridays ago, i saw my mum in london after she’d just seen hamilton with her partner, graham. both of them loved hamilton. her hair had grown back, she seemed pretty normal. about a week later, she was in A&E - and she’s been in the hospital all week. she’s got a total bowel obstruction, which means she can’t eat and hasn’t eaten since last week.
now in a weird situation where there are a few tricky, difficult options (including being moved off the island back onto the mainland to a bigger hospital) that will mean that she stays alive long enough to get the chemo, which will probably get her back to hamilton-watching strength, or ... she could die really soon. like, in a few days.
we can’t visit. her partner can’t visit because covid - there’s this really sad-making photo of him looking happy on the phone through a window to my mum, also on the phone, inside the hospital.
i feel...
???? :( :( :( ....
i guess this is the main point of the post. i’m not writing this crying, i’m writing it pretty neutrally - because my brain isn’t really processing it right now, and mostly doesn’t process it.
i did cry earlier today while on the phone to various people, and then i went back to work. i hate crying, i hate being sad, and i dont like people comforting me, because it makes me realise that i have something to be sad about.
i’ve known she had cancer for a year. i haven’t been able to hang out with her most of that time. i would say, we are fairly close, although not nearly as close as some families. we don’t talk every week, but we talk regularly, and have seen each other regularly.
i’m so incredibly privileged that nothing that bad has ever happened to me, even though i’m 35. i’ve never been to a funeral, which seemed like a major life win and now i think was a mistake, i should have gone to funerals for people i card about less to help get used to it.
the literal only comparison i have to how i feel is when my cat Anton died suddenly about 3 years ago - i handled it with a mix of not thinking about it, being intensely sad for as brief a period as i could, and probably by thinking about how sad my girlfriend was about it, and sort of sidestepping my own feelings in comparison.
i remember when my last remaining grandparent died - and i was about 14 or something - i wasn’t sad for myself, i was only sad for her my dad being sad. for ages, i worried that i was not going to be sad enough about this - and i still sort of am.
but i also passionately hate the idea of being sad and i know i’ll look to avoid it as much as possible, and try and get on with my life.
i know my mum dying isn’t about me - when people write after death it’s about the person who died, obviously. that makes sense. but this post isn’t about my mum, who is a very cool person, much cooler than me - it’s about me. because i am self-obsessed and this is going to wreck my life for a while.
it’s weird, because i can see it on the horizon but it’s not happening yet. and i dont know whether that’s good or bad - i feel like it’s good, in a way. someone ages ago told me that the grieving period starts when you get the news. that seems very true to me - but also, i know that it’s going to ramp up, and so i’m like in the expectation of true grief right now.
it’s sort of like she died, but also is still going to die, but also i can magically still talk to her. which is really nice, in a way, it’s like a second chance, because i know i didn’t reach out enough before she had cancer. and i’m aware enough of my own actions that i know this is what’s been going on in my head the past year - i should reach out more, because she has cancer, but i dont want to make it seem like i’m reaching out because she has cancer, even though she knows i know she has cancer....... and also, i’m busy writing this fic. /o\
the fact that she seemed to recover (even though my mum insisted on saying ‘i am not recovered, i’m going to die soon’ like several time as a day as a disclaimer) also totally messed with my head, because i knew logically - ok, it’s happening. but also, things seemed so normal when we speak. even when i called her today, and she hasn’t eaten for a week, it seemed normal.
btw - i realised this week i had no idea how cancer killed people. my mum is a scientist and has looked up all kinds of things about what’s killing her; i’m clearly a simon snow and didn’t want to think about things i can’t help. if you’d asked me, i’d have said like... it poisons you or something, or blocks bloodflow to your brain. not what i think will actually do it which is.... starvation. or being too weak to survive being pumped full of the poison that is intended to kill the cancer. (that one i guess i could have predicted.) man - cancer sucks. i mean, we all knew it.
(i failed to get into cambridge university at interview stage, many years ago. the man who interviewed me gave me some extremely memorable feedback, which is that i needed to dial back the ‘defensive irony’ - which i thnk in that context meant i put myself down and tried to make a joke of everything. i remember when i got the phonecall to say Anton, my cat, was dead, i literally did not know what to do with my voice - because my instinct was to try and make the vet feel better, and also to present myself as bright and capable, and yet this unexpected and devasting news had just come through. rainbow wrote something sort of similar because she’s a good writer, for shepard as he tells penny about his curse. i feel like that.)
what else did i want to say?
i thought i had more time. ‘hamilton’ will probably always be tied to this moment in my mind, because of how much i’ve spoken to my mum about it in the past few weeks (i sent her the remix - she liked it, she listened to it in hospital while trying to drink more than 100ml of fluids) but yeah - this is basically a line from hamilton here. whatever. don’t make me feel my own feelings, let me just quote things. i dont like my own feelings. (no, i dont want to go to therapy - they’d make me talk about my feelings all the time, i’m british for god’s sake.)
i’m 35 - my mum is 68. i didn’t think she’d die this early or that i’d have to deal with this yet. but then i also don’t think bad things are ever going to happen to me - because mostly they haven’t, see above. i wear a mask and am double vaccinated because i’m not an asshole, but i dont really believe i’ll get covid because bad things don’t happen to me. i didn’t think my mum would die - maybe ever, but definitely not yet. she’s been retired a decade after teaching (science) and has enjoyed it.
i thought i had time to not have kids yet - which is the other thing (like hamilton) that this moment is really tied up with for me. i feel like 35 is getting quite old, but also not that old to still not have kids, but intend to maybe have them. my feelings about kids were basically like - up until like 25, i thought, yes, definitely. i mean, before i had a realtiosnhip (22-ish), i just assumed i would probably have a het marriage and have kids etc, like people do, but after that we were still talking, yes, children at some point.
didn’t prioritise it for a few reasons - none of my close friends had children until quite recently, so it just didn’t seem like an urgent thing in the way that it probably does for people with different friendship groups. waiting to be settled enough in a job to be able to take maternity leave without it feeling like a rip off for my employer. waiting for a good time in erin’s PhD writing cycle. and then pandemic. and then a few years ago, maybe as i turned 30, i thought - maybe we won’ have kids, because we still haven’t - and i vocalised that to erin.
also, i know a lot of people are gay and have children, so it’s not like it’s a thing that is impossible at all, but it’s much much harder if you have to leave your home and your relationship in order to get a child. it has to be a very very conscious decisions. i have friend who are men who have good genes, but we’re not so close i want to ask them for their sperm/to be involved however remotely in making a child - and (i was surprised to discover) (what a lot of things i dont know anything about) you an’t really just buy sperm, it’s not truly legal except through a clinic. and it’s extremely expensive to get inseminated in a clinic, and the NHS don’t really do that, so you do have to pay it. i thought kids would be expensive after they were born, but not before. and i REALLY wanted a house, much much more than - i think even today - i’ve ever wanted a child. i REALLY wanted a house - and now we have a house, and it’s pretty good. but - that’s where the money went, until the pandemic - thanks pandemic - so now we do have some disposable cash at last, because i didn’t commute.
but now erin is worried about climate change - and wheher it’s right to bring more children into the world, and other things. and.... i think i do want to be pregnant, it’s what i’m planning for - don’t leave this job (which admittedly i also really like, and pays me well - i dont thin i need to leave) because next stop maternity leave, but.....
i don’t know whether i am thinking, time ot have kids because my best friend just had a baby (the baby’s name is horatio - for real, i actually love this name) (i also haven’t seen her or the baby except over skype, because anna - my friend - is, like my mother, also scared of pandemic) and my brain is like - ok, well, if anna is doing it, i guess the time is here
AND - i know there’s a large part of me that was like, gotta be pregnant and ideally have the baby before my mum dies so she gets to see that she had a grandchild. my brother and i are both queer, btw, in case you were wondering - he’s considering whether he wants to transition right now (but is still happy with he/him pronouns) and - you may find this astonishing, but i genuinely don’t know whether he’d consider himself ace, or has been in relationships. he’s very private, he has OCD and is in therapy - but anyway, he’s probably not having kids anytime soon (i think!) and graham - my mum’s boyfriend/partner of 10+ years. -has grandchildren, but my extremely middleclass white (but definitely not conservative voters, always 100% not-tory) parents ended up with me and my brother.... and i don’t know, as i say, i don’t know whether my brain is saying ‘have kids before it’s too late’ - although i know by now that it will be too late. even if my mum recovers from this, this time, i don’t think i can produce a child before she dies - and she isn’t asking me too, she’s not like that, but i would have liked her to be there. i thought she would be.
so - i’m thinking about that. also, about getting a dog. i really want a dog - although i don’t want to upset the three cats (one we’ve had for eight years or so, the other two we got after Anton died). it’s ALSO really hard and expensive to get a dog. you’d think with all these ‘a dog isn’t just for the pandemic, a dog is for life’ type adverts around, that it would be easy to adcidentally get a dog - i’ve looked! you ccan’t get a dog unless you have no cats and you’re super experienced and can take a dog with lots of trauma or medical problems, or you’re willing to pay thousands of pounds. like - even for a regular not even pedigree dog - at least a thousand. pedigree dog - several thousand. i dont want a puppy either - i want a dog.
and - this is embarrassing to admit, but i’ve alrady told erin - i genuinely had a phase of being super annoyed when i’d read fics where someone just ‘got a dog’. it’s not that simple!!! it’s fiction, it doesn’t matter - chill out. the baby thing too - although weirdly not fics where magic meant it was possible to get a baby, weirdly it was smut. i had a brief week or so of crazy (and i don’t think i am that crazy) where i’d read about fictional semen and just be like - wtf, it’s so hard to get hold of that shit. (it’s not real, this isn’t real semen being wasted, calm down - and i dont even really know if i want kids, i might just think i do.)
the other thing about the bad thing being soon but not yet (but also being all the time, but not if you dnt think about it) is that i’m thinking - should i prioritise writing my remix now, in case my mum dies and i’m too sad to do it, and then i didn’t do my remix? i was definitely thinking this while writing classroom politics (i hope my mum doesn’t die becaue i dont want to be too sad to miss the deadline) and in the run up to AWTWB .....
today i wrote a list of things for work that would need to be picked up if i have to unexpectedly stop working, either because i’m too sad, or because i have to do funeral stuff, or .... i guess legal stuff about settling the estate. (i guess this happens to a lot of people, too, but it’s also a bit of a mindfuck that my brother and i will inherit her house and a bunch of cash when she dies - i’m pretty well off, my brotehr does virtual reality theatre stuff so really isn’t - we’ve talked about how much easier both of our lives will be with a huge injection of cash, and how we dont know what to feel about that) (great news, dogs and kids are really expensive! time to find out whether i really wanted to spend my money on those.) told people i like at work that it’s coming, and that i dont want to talk about it. and mostly just... carrying on with life, really. until it happens.
it’s so weird how easy it is to carry on most of the time.i know my mum’s partner is not doing nearly so well - he has to cope with an empty house and he’s retired. i’ve had periods - including right now - where i wake up every morning and check my phone to see whehter someone called me or texted me to tell me it’s over. but most of the day i’m actually really fine. i even had an ok day today. and i don’t know whether i want that to be the case, or whether i shouldn’t let myself do that. i dont know what i should prepare for in terms of where i’ll be - will i want lots of stuff to distract me (this is my guess) and work is very good for that, or i will want to clear time and space because i can’t operate and dont want people to offer me comfort. (FYI - this post isn’t written to make people say anything to me, i definitely dont want to talk about it, so please don’t feel you either have to comment or check in on me - i don’t really want you to. it’s enough to have written it, in my own time, in my own space.)
i think i wanted to write this post in a way because i thought i probably wouldnt want to write it after my mum died - because i probably wouldn’t want to say anything about it at all, for a few years.
my mum keeps telling me about the show ‘jane the virgin’ - which she’s half way through. shhe asked me to give it a try, so i did (she often tells me about shows on radio 4, which i rarely listen to. i thouht i had more time.) i’ve watched an episode (because she has cancer, i should listen to her recommendations)(but i dont want her to know that’s why i did it) and i do quite like - it’s light and frothy and well cut together (although about kids and artificial insemination, of course). i guess in a worse case scenario where i’m too sad to work or write, i will probably watch a lot of this show - which is incredibly not sad - and feel sad about how my mum never finished it.
BUT ALSO SHE MIGHT BE OK. for a while.
i dont know how i feel, blargh. anyway. this was a long post. i think i wrote it mostly for me. feelings are weird. covid really sucks and so does cancer.
going to order some chicken and watch inuyasha.
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