#he has a WAY of conveying feelings including extreme violence in so few words and leaving you in shock | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

justmeinadaze · 8 months

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Children of the Night (Steddie X You)

"Listen to them, the children of the night. What music they make!"- Dracula

A/N: "I present to you...this fucking thing." Lol always the TikTok that comes into my head when I try something new. I had started doing like a camboy Steddie thing but I struggled a lot with it and the feelings I wanted to convey. While listening to a song, this idea popped into my head so... I hope you enjoy it!

For the first half, everyone is referred to by their screen names.

Eddie is Dracula.

Steve is Renfield

Reader is Mina

I also set it in 2005 when things like streaming were relatively new and cameras weren't 100% clear.

Warnings: Camboys Steddie (Vampire Eddie and Human Steve) X Human Fem Reader, SMUT of the Steddie variety, Daddy kink (because im me lol), choking, biting. ANGST, blood is mentioned mostly from Eddie feeding, the reader has an abusive boyfriend so Domestic Violence Trigger, Eddie defends her and both boys take care of her. I think that's it.

Word Count: 4046

InnocentLittleMina: Hey sexy boys.

You grinned at your computer screen when you saw the long-haired boy smirk under his mane of hair.

“Hey, honey. How are you tonight?”, the other man smiled lovingly into the camera.

InnocentLittleMina: I’m alright. Can’t complain. What about you?

“I’m ok. As you can see Dracula is a little grumpy.”, he teases.

“I’m hungry.”, he growls making you giggle.

When you first saw these boys known only as Dracula and Renfield, you were drawn to them immediately. There was something about them that was not only attractive but confident as hell and it drove you wild. People around town talked about them constantly which was interesting since Los Angeles was a huge city. In 2005, there weren’t many people streaming, let alone broadcasting the content they were.

Everyone including police tried to track them down but never could. Their website itself was fairly generic but that’s not what their fans cared about. What they cared about was the content these two provided.

The man known as Dracula would feed of off the other man known as Renfield and nine times out of ten it led to something sexual. The first time you heard Renfield moan, your pussy clenched around nothing. It was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. Not many of their fans stayed after they finished but you always did, loving the way Dracula took care of Renfield after. They seemed to genuinely care about each other and that was something you appreciated.

When you created your account you hoped it would get their attention and as luck would have it, it did especially since a lot of the female fans that watched them named their accounts after the character Lucy always believing that was the girl Dracula fell for.

After a few months of back and forth, you actually came to know them as friends. Dracula didn’t talk as much as his friend but he did chime in where necessary and played his guitar for you once or twice making you swoon. Renfield always asked about your day and told you things about their time away from the computer but you couldn’t help but feel like they were holding information back.

You asked them constantly why they decided on this particular vampire style content and theme and every time they changed the subject. You asked once how they faked the blood that stained Renfield’s chest when they were done and they pretended like they didn’t hear you. You asked them for their real names and each time they said their screen ones making you sigh.

To make up for being obtuse and hoping to distract you, Renfield offered you a job as their moderator and paid you fabulously for your time. Since they trusted you enough with their business, you met their kindness with one of your own by turning on your webcam and showing them your face.

Dracula’s eyes had turned towards you, grinning at your beauty.

“Pretty girl.”

“Very.”, Renfield agreed.

It had been a few months since then and you were extremely fond of them both.

InnocentLittleMina: Ok, well, you have your stream in a few minutes so… don’t get too hungry! You need and love him.

“I do.”, Dracula smiles.

“We’ll talk to you after, honey.”, Renfield winks and you watch as they get into their places on the bed behind them.

***

A little sigh left your lips as both men removed their shirts. Dracula’s tattoos on his chest always had you entranced. You noticed the first time you watched them that they both had scars along their stomachs up to their necks but that was a question you knew better than to ask. Trauma like that was none of your business unless they chose to tell you.

The stream began and you kept your eyes peeled as fans began pouring in. They never said a greeting nor even said hello. You figured part of it was because by this point Dracula’s eyes were black like a shark on the hunt and those contacts had to be killing him.

Straddling Renfield’s waist, Dracula tenderly kissed the man’s neck before gripping his fluffy hair in his hand and tugging him back as he bit into his skin. Renfield’s palms promptly came around to cling to Dracula’s head as his eye’s rolled and he fell backwards onto the mattress.

A heavy exhale escaped you at the sight, licking your tongue across your lips as his hips began grinding up against his own.

“Fuck. That’s it, baby. Take what you need.”, Renfield moaned.

Something happened. Dracula’s head abruptly shot up looking vacantly in the distance.

“What? What’s wrong? Wh-What do you feel, honey?” He cooed underneath him as he ran his fingers across his cheek and moved some of his messy hair back.

“Mina.”, he growled.

That got your attention as you sat up straighter. They both swiveled their heads towards the computer before you heard heavy footsteps and immediately yanked the cord from the wall just as the door opened.

“John! Hey. I-I didn’t think you’d be coming over tonight.”

“You say that like you’re not excited to see your boyfriend.”

“Pfft. No, baby, I am. You just scared me is all. H-How was your day?”

His stern blue eyes flicked towards your little pink razor phone by your end table as it continued to vibrate. The boys knew your number. You gave it to them when they hired you.

Please don’t let him walk over there to see.

“Are you going to get that?”

“No, baby. I want to talk to you. Tell me about your day. I missed you—”

“Answer. The phone. Y/N.”

You sighed, pretending to be annoyed he was making you answer a random call as you flipped it open.

“Hello?”

“Mina?! Are you alright?!”

“I’m sorry. I think you have the wrong number.”

You can hear them arguing in the background, vaguely picking up tidbits as your boyfriend steps closer to you.

“I can feel her. I know where she is! Something bad is about to happen to her!”

“NO! You can’t reveal yourself and bring her into our mess! She deserves to have a better life!”

“She won’t have a fucking life, Steve, if this fucker kills her!”

“I always knew I’d catch you cheating on me sooner or later. Give me the phone.”

“John, I’m not… I would never…”

“Give it to me NOW.”, he snarls. You do as he says and as soon as your device touches his palm, his free one flies across your face smacking you so hard you fall on to the mattress. “Whoever this is, what you have with my girl is over.”

The growl that came through your phone’s speaker scared even you as you heard it loud and clear from where you were.

“You’re going to regret touching her. If I were you, little man, I would leave now.”

With that there was silence and John threw the phone across the wall hoping to smash it into pieces. You two began fighting each other but he was much stronger than you, getting a good hit to your eye making you dizzy.

The banging of the door caving in is loud and your eyes are half open when you see a blur fly into your room, tackling your boyfriend to the ground. You hear his screams but they sound so far away. After a few minutes, everything is silent again and your arms fly out defensively when a hand touches your side.

“No! No please!”

“I’m not going to hurt you, Mina. I never would. Just hold on to me, ok?” You feel your body being lifted and you press your cheek against cold, bare skin. “Clasp your hands around my neck, sweetheart.”

After barely registering his command, you feel a sudden rush of wind and after a minute you find yourself being placed on a bed that isn’t yours.

“Have you lost your fucking mind!? Killing someone and then bringing her here!?”

“How do you know I killed him?”

“Because I fucking know you!”

“Can you stop berating me and help her, please!?”

A much warmer hand tenderly moves your hair back as something wet is dragged across your face making you jump.

“Hey, hey now. Everything’s ok. I just need to clean your cuts here. Can you go get me some ice, please?” Wind lightly blows your hair back twice before you hear the pack slam into his hand. “Thank you. What, um, what was happening when you got there?”

“He was hitting her. I’ve felt his anger before but this was different.”

“So you did go hunting for her even though I told you a thousand times not to.”

“No.”, he snarled, voice deep with annoyance. “I can just…feel her. I don’t get it either ok?!”

“Oh wow.” The wet rag was replaced with the cool of the ice pack as the man’s voice beside you got louder. “You like her.”

“And you don’t? She’s beautiful, kind, funny—”

“Innocent.”

“Fuck. Off. Little boy. Or I swear to God—”

“You swear to God what? Finish that sentence, Dracula. I dare you.” The man scoffed as he focused his attention back on you. “Go clean up your fucking mess while I take care of her.”

There’s a whoosh of air and everything in the room stills.

################

You woke up the next morning in utter confusion. You vaguely remembered your boyfriend being angry and attacking you but then…someone saved you. Turning to your side, you noticed you were at home in your room tucked safely under the covers.

Carefully standing, you glance around the room to find nothing out of place except for your phone by your bed that was broken in half.

Loud knocking on the door, startled you before you power walked to see who it was before answering. Sighing, your best friend doesn’t even wait for you to fully open the door before she barges in.

“Ma’am! I have been calling you all morning and your phone goes straight to voicemail! What’s going—“ She freezes when she sees your face. “Y/N! Oh my god! What happened?!”

“Nothing, Lilly. I’m fine. I just—”

“Fell? You always say that. Where is that fucker? Is he here? I’m going to kill him.”

Lilly stomps towards your bedroom and you quickly run after her but you’re not one percent sure why. Him being attacked was a dream you had, right?

“Hm. Well, next time I see him he’s dead. Jesus, looks like he destroyed your phone. Come on. Let’s go the store so we can get you a new one. Maybe one of those sleek shiny new ones with the screen you touch.”

“But I like my razor phone. It’s shiny enough.”, you smile as you change to go out into the world.

***

As you amble around the phone store, you friend continues to babble about mundane things that you barely hear. What does catch your attention is a group of girls talking in the corner. Pretending to look at the devices in front of you, you slide closer to them as you listen in.

“Did you see their stream last night?”

“It started getting good but then Dracula disappeared to ‘save Mina’. Like are they kidding?”

“I hope they aren’t mixing plot with their sex-ca-pades.”

“Now if they want to add a Mina I think that’d be hot but don’t just cut a stream short like that!”

“Y/N! Did you find what you want?”, your friend practically shouts making you and everyone around jump.

“Yes! Good God, Lilly. Lower your voice.”

“Aw. I love you to.”

***

Staring at your blank computer screen, you debated on even signing on. All the clues were telling you what happened last night was real but that can’t be, right? You had called John multiple times to no avail and even went to his house with no answer. Checking the message boards of their fan group, others were saying what the other group had said about them cutting mid-stream and Dracula abruptly vanishing.

What happened?

“Hey, honey—Oh my god, Mina what happened?!”, Renfield asked as soon as you signed in. Dracula was sitting beside him, his arms folded as he starred off to the side. Turning on your mic, you decided you needed to know the truth.

“I was going to ask you that.”

“Us? Why? The last time we saw you was before our stream.”

“Really? I could swear I heard Dracula’s voice in my house and then you two fighting while I was passed out.”

“Huh. A dream maybe? I mean, we’re pretty far from you.”

“Oh yeah? Where?”

Your stern tone had Dracula turning to face the screen as Renfield sighed.

“Far, Mina.”

“How would you know? I don’t even know your names let alone where you live.” You glare at your computer, feeling a confidence you had never felt before. “Did you kill John? Or hurt him?”

“Who cares what happened to that asshole? You deserve better.”, Dracula answers in a deep tone of his own that made you a little bit nervous but you ignored it as you pushed forward.

“Again, how would you know? You never met him.”

“Don’t need to see him to see the damage he inflicts on you every time he comes over. Why do you put up with it, sweetheart? Because you think you deserve to be treated like trash?”

“How did you get here so fast? People are saying you disappeared after saying my name.”

“This was a mistake.”, Renfield whispers to the boy beside him.

“I’m not afraid of you…either of you. I just…I just want answers.”

Dracula’s eyes darken as he turns to Renfield.

“No. No! Don’t you fucking—”

Before he had finished his sentence, the long-haired boy was gone and you heard your front door open as a breeze hit your face.

“You may not be afraid of us now, little one, but you will be.”

With that, he lifted you over his shoulders like a sack of potatoes and in the blink of an eye you were back in a room you vaguely remembered.

##############

“Why am I even here? You never fucking listen to me!”, Renfield whined.

“Sit.”, Dracula commanded you as he pointed towards a chair. “Not a sound. Do you hear me?”

You nod completely frozen in fear at the speed of which he even brought you back to their house.

“You to. Sit.”

“Fuck you. Are you kidding me right now? After everything we’ve done to avoid getting caught—”

The man choked on his words as a strong hand wrapped around his throat and walked him backwards towards the end of the bed.

“I’m not in the fucking mood to have this argument right now, Steven.”, Dracula growled angrily. “I didn’t get to finish eating last night and I’m starving.”

“You…you didn’t…eat her boyfriend. I’m…shocked.”

Your eyes widened at his audacity to talk back even in the position he was currently in. Plus, he always seemed so gentle so hearing him talk this way startled and excited you.

Dracula’s eyes fluttered closed as he dropped Renfield who promptly gasped for air.

“Jesus Steve, if you could fucking smell what I smell you’d do anything for her to. You think she’s scared but she’s not. She’s turned on.”, he whispers as you watch him adjust himself in his jeans.

“Steve?” They both turn to look at you as you suddenly speak. “Renfield is Steve. W-Who are you, Dracula?”

The man can feel your heart beat slow as you find a sense of grounding in your current chaos. He wasn’t lying when he said he could feel you weren’t afraid but you were extremely confused, trying to make sense of a reality that they both had long accepted.

“Eddie. My real name is Eddie.”

Your hand shakes as you point to your chest. “My name is Y/N.”

Something in their room beeps as they give each other their attention once again.

“You’re insane if you think we’re streaming right now.”

Eddie points his finger at you once more as his voice deeply rumbles.

“No noise. Not even a squeak.”

They get into a position you’ve seen numerous times but this time the energy is different. The man you now know as Steve clenches his jaw as he tilts his head to expose his neck.

A ring laced hand reaches out to cup his cheek and turns his face towards his own as he leans his forehead on his.

“Please don’t be this way. I need you.”, Eddie whispers.

“Yeah. For this right? Because you sure as hell don’t listen or care about my opinion.”

As they murmur to each other, you imagine it’s too low for the mic to pick up but you can hear it and the pain in both their voice breaks your heart. The metalhead’s dark eyes flick towards the web cam before settling back on the man beside him.

“I do, sweetheart. I care about you and what you have to say. It’s because of you I’m still here…I’m safe.”

Steve’s eyes flutter slightly as his admission as he blinks back tears.

“I love you.”, he whispers as he kisses his forehead.

“I love you to, baby. Come here. Let me take care of you to.”

Eddie tenderly pushed Steve back against the mattress, pulling down his sweats and boxers, and tossing them to the floor. When his cock sprang free, Eddie wasted no time, licking and kissing his tip before enveloping him fully into his mouth.

“Fuck.”, Steve whimpered as he reached down to tangle his fingers in the boy’s messy hair.

Lifting his head, he spit on the man’s dick and twisted his wrist as his palm smeared his saliva along his length.

“Such a good boy for me always, aren’t you, baby?”

“Y-Yes, sir.”

“Sometimes I can be a bad boy and not think.” While pumping his hand faster, Eddie leaned in close to whisper in his ear. “But Steve, you were right. I like her so fucking much. You can’t tell me you don’t want to make her moan. Taste that sweet pussy I smell practically dripping from here.”

Steve’s eyes turned to meet yours as he continued to speak.

“Feel a beautiful woman’s tight cunt choke your dick again.”, Eddie tightened his fist as if to prove his point as he quickened his pace. “To have a girl in our lives again who isn’t afraid of us and makes us feel complete.”

Steve craned his neck back towards Eddie as he passionately kissed his lips.

“Take what you need, honey, please.”

Unbuckling his belt, he pushed his jeans down enough to free his cock, and both men mewl as Eddie guides himself into his entrance. You couldn’t help when your hand slid between your shorts and you rubbed your clit. Their moans, Eddie’s passion as he thrust into him, and Steve’s tenderness when he clung to his back drove you wild.

“Can—shit—can you hear it, baby? The sound her fingers between her legs.” Steve nodded as he waited for Eddie to truly take him. “Fuck, you feel so good. Are you ready?”

“Y-Yes, sir. I’m ready.”

From your angle you couldn’t see much of what happened next. Eddie’s head tilted slightly and Steve’s entire body arched as he held the man closer to him. The metalhead’s pace quickened as he slammed his hips into his partners.

“J-Just like that, Daddy, fuck.”

Eddie grunted as one of his hands came up to cup the boy’s cheek as if to hold him still as he sucked on his neck. Steve shuddered as his eye’s rolled and he came. Eddie’s own rhythm faltered just enough as his grip tightened on his boyfriend’s hair and released his seed inside of him.

Steve became limp as the man above him continued to roll his hips till he had given him everything he had and came off his neck with a loud syrupy smack. Your own body trembled as you came, covering your mouth as to not give yourself away.

Eddie crawled down the man’s frame as he headed for the opposite corner of their room to the mini fridge where he grabbed two water bottles and a power bar. Normally, they left the cameras on to show the aftercare but this time, he sauntered towards his computer and promptly ended the stream.

After handing a bottle to you without looking your way, he immediately focused on Steve.

“Sit up, sweetheart. There we go. Here eat this for me ok?”, he coos as he hands him his snack before leaning under the bed and producing a first aid kit. You watched with studious eyes as Eddie grabbed a rag and cleaned the blood from his neck while Steve daintily nibbled on the bar in his hands. “Good boy. Drink some water.” His fingers tenderly pushed back some of the boy’s hair as he kissed his shoulder.

“S-S-So, this is real. You’re really a vampire?”

He heavily sighs as he looks your way. “I am.”

“And what is Steve?”

“My boyfriend. He…he takes care of me.”

“How? What? I…I have so many questions.”

“Tomorrow, little one. He won’t be back to 100% for another few hours and even then he’s had a long couple of days. Here. Let me take you home.”

“NO! I mean…please. May I stay?”

“Um, yeah sure. I don’t see why not. Let me see if we have any clean spare sheets for that guest bedroom we have.”

Once he leaves, you sit by Steve’s side and glance over the wound on his neck.

“He should really cover these up since they’re kind of deep.”

“Pfft. They’ll be gone by tomorrow. Eddie uses vampire voodoo whatever he can to make sure he doesn’t leave a scar. As you noticed, honey, we have enough.”, he giggles. “He’s right you know. You are very beautiful. I’ve always thought so.” You softly smile as his palm lazily comes up to trace your now black eye from yesterday.

“Fucking asshole. He’s lucky I can’t run in the blink of an eye.”

“Steve, sweetie, why don’t you lay back?”, you grin as he limply nods and scoots his head up towards the pillows.

“Y/N. I have to keep saying it so I don’t forget. Y/N.”

As his eyes close, you lay on your side beside him and run your fingers along his cheek till your palm rests on his chest.

“He’s fine.”, Eddie announces from the doorway where he had been observing you two talk. “I never take enough that would kill him or turn him. That first night though I did the same thing.”, sighs as he gestures towards your hand.

“Is it ok if I stay with him?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll just hang out in this room here—”

“You can lay here if you want. I don’t mind.” He scans you over making you slightly self-conscious. “I mean…unless…you have a coffin you sleep in or…”

Eddie laughs as he comes to the opposite side of the bed and lays on his back.

“No coffins, princess. I sleep here with him.”

“I’ve never heard you laugh before or even seen you really smile. It looks good on you.”

He smiles as he turns on his side and brushes some of your hair away from your face.

“Y/N.”

“Eddie. I like your names better than your screen ones. Plus both Dracula and Renfield’s stories end tragically.”

“Maybe Eddie and Steve’s stories did end tragically…”, he muses. “Or it was the only book he and I actually read in school.”

You giggle as he grins your way before he’s taken aback when you roll over and pull his arm over your waist. Most people feared him especially back in their hometown. It had been so long since anyone besides Steve touched him without hesitation and he didn’t realize how much he missed the contact.

Even though he soothed your worries, your hand still rested against Steve’s chest making sure it was still rising and falling at a normal pace. There was a lot you didn’t know about them but you were dying to find out.

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nanasparadise · 3 years

Note

Can you do (aged up of course), Yandere Narancia x reader. [p.s can it include any of these prompts? “ Stop denying our love! Stop denying our future together!! ”, “ Please don’t cry. Show me the smile I love so much! ”, “ You can’t escape my love.”,” You will grow to love me back, I just know it!“] Thx so much <3

“You can’t escape my love”

“You will grow back to love me, I just know it.”

Hiya anon! I hope you enjoy it! <3

Summary: Your boyfriend doesn’t understand the concept of boundaries and keeps harassing you, until he stands in front of your apartment’s door...

TW: cyber harassment, implied stalking, gaslighting, mentions of a panic attack, toxic relationship, noncon touching, curse words, MATURE AUDIENCE ONLY/MINORS DNI

I do not condone any yandere behaviour in real life.

Narancia has been aged up, no minor content on my blog!

Word count: 2155

“No escape” Yan! Narancia x gender-neutral reader

Bling. Another one of… how many messages again? You have stopped counting a while ago. An exasperated sigh escapes your lips, wondering why you haven’t turned off the volume yet. Why is he so unrelenting? Annoyed, you take your phone in your hand, staring at the twenty-five texts Narancia has left for you. At first, they have started off innocently, asking you about your well-being and your day. But as time has passed, the messages have begun becoming more invasive and have ended up being straight-up creepy.

“Why aren’t you answering me, did I do something wrong?”

“Stop being so stubborn, I know you want to be with me, too!”

“I’m always near you, you’re aware of that, right? You can’t escape my love.”

An icy shudder travels down your spine while reading the last two sentences. Fear clenches around your heart, making your chest feel heavy, your breaths short and laboured.

“’’Try out this dating app!’ they said, ‘It will be fun!’ I see where this fun has lead me to”, you think gloomily. Why on earth did you ever sign up to that damned app and had to match with Narancia? You curse yourself, curse your naivety for having expected to encounter there a nice and healthy relationship.

The only thing that has waited for you is an obsessive stalker you can’t get rid of. Of course you didn’t realise Narancia’s disturbing nature at the beginning. No, you thought of him as sweet and energetic, although a bit tiring. Your first dates were pleasant: you went to a fair, sharing candyfloss and laughter between you, to a restaurant, where the Italian nearly choked on his pasta out of excitement, to a spring picnic at the local park, bathing in the gentle sunlight. It all seemed so beautiful to you back then, so innocent. But quickly, things have changed.

Narancia has become increasingly clingy to you until it started feeling as if he was glued onto your hip. Oh, you want to go grocery shopping? He’ll come with you and help you carry your bags! You’re planning on visiting your family on the weekend? He’ll join you, he has been dying to meet them anyway!

Setting boundaries with him was extremely challenging. Every time you hinted that you’d rather like to spend some time alone, he nearly threw a fit, taking your words out of context and twisting them around.

“So you want to toss me away? You don’t think I’m important to you?”, he shouted at you, tears of anger forming in his eyes. Back then, you didn’t notice his gaslighting methods, felt guilty for prioritising yourself. But now, you don’t want to hold yourself back anymore. There isn’t any reason for you to justify yourself, especially not to someone who clearly has no right to intervene in your life like this. Your gaze travels back to your phone. All these messages, these implications, are proof enough of his unhealthy attachment to you. Hell, he even admitted following you! No matter how much you enjoyed your time together, you can’t let Narancia continue with his creepy behaviour.

Quickly, you type a text, telling the Italian that if he goes on invading your privacy, you’ll block him. For a few minutes, sweet silence dominates your living room.

“Maybe he finally got it”, you muse hopefully.

Bling. There goes your hope.

“Are you messing with me? Why would you write that?! Please, stop with these jokes, we can talk about this!” Another sigh comes out of your mouth.

“No Narancia, we actually can’t. That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to tell the whole time, but it seems you don’t understand. I’m sorry, but I’m gonna block you for now, otherwise I’ll go insane.”

With these final words, you block his number. Relief washes over you as you realise that the Italian can’t harass you anymore.

“It‘s kind of sad how things have turned out”, you mumble to yourself. Though you do feel some regret – after all, the two of you had shared many beautiful moments together – you abruptly stop your pondering. “No use to cry over spoiled milk, Y/N. If he keeps treating you like this, it’s best to get away from him.”

Little did you know that Narancia isn’t letting you go that easily. The following days, he kept reaching out to you towards multiple phone numbers. Every time you blocked it, a new one popped up. At this point, you’ve simply stopped using your phone altogether, only relying on the device if it’s inevitable. In those cases, you’re helplessly exposed to the unnerving messages of the young man. The latest one keeps haunting your mind, initiating your anxiety.

“I’ve been really patient with you, Y/N, but this little game is making me lose my temper. I’ll be seeing you tonight and then we settle things straight. You will grow back to love me, we’ll make up again, I just know it.”

Nervously, you eye the nearest clock in your flat. 8 p.m. What does Narancia consider ‘tonight’? Will he even come? Are you able to face him right now?

“Oh god, I need to go”, you whisper desperately, nausea manifesting itself in your stomach. You could crash at your friend’s place, you’re sure they’d understand your situation. Quickly, you gather all your important belongings, ready to flee, as a loud knocking on your front door followed by an all too familiar voice interrupts your escape.

“Hey Y/N, could you open the door for me, please?”

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. You mutter an incoherent string of curses. Petrified, you just keep staring at the door, not daring move a single muscle in your body.

“If you don’t open the door yourself, I’ll just break it in, you know?”, Narancia shouts on the other side. The casualness of his tone scares you even more.

“How can he just be so blasé by his behaviour? Doesn’t he notice how wrong his actions are?” Actually fearing the Italian might damage your property, you accept your defeat and slowly walk up to the front door. Hesitantly, with shaking hands, you unlock it and pull the handle down. Nervousness creeps up on you, making your palms grow sweaty and your heart palpitating erratically. Soon – too soon for your liking – you meet a pair of familiar purple eyes. To your surprise, Narancia smiles upon seeing your face.

“Hi babe,” he greets you, carefree, “I’m so glad you opened the door for me! You have no clue how much I’ve missed you!” Without even waiting for you to invite him in – which you definitely wouldn’t have done – the young man marches into your flat, invading your privacy even further. Suddenly, two arms wrap around your middle and pull you close to the young man’s chest. Your breathing falters at the abrupt touch. “It’s alright, it’s only me, Y/N”, Narancia tries to comfort you. If only he knew that his presence currently gives you anything but comfort…

A few moments later, you find yourself sitting on your couch next to him. Narancia flashes you a seemingly reassuring grin all while you keep fiddling with the sleeves your shirt. You blankly stare at the floor in front of you. Even though Narancia’s behaviour is conveying sympathy, you couldn’t get rid of the intuitive feeling that this is all but a façade to lull you into a false sense of security. Who knows what he could do to you? Despite his overall sweet and fun nature, the young man doesn’t shy away from using violence if you test his – admittedly little – patience. His numerous messages flash up in your mind again. You’re painfully aware now how he made it clear that you’ve clearly missed your opportunities of being in his good graces. This realisation pushes you nearly over the edge, being on the brink of a panic attack. Would Narancia really hurt you?

“Look Y/N,” the sound of his voice interrupts your train of thought. A little startled, you immediately straighten your back and glance at his form next to you. The young man’s hand finds its way to yours, stopping your fumbling by securely grasping it. “I didn’t mean to frighten you, but what’s wrong? Why did you just ignore me like that?”, Narancia asks you. You don’t miss the hint of annoyance in his voice, indicating his true feelings. Though anxiety still has a hold on you, you try your best to fight against it and tell him the truth. After all, it’s not like you could escape this situation anyway. So you take a deep breath in and out again, before you spill your following words.

“Well, I know you’re more of a clingy person Narancia, but what you’re doing is unhealthy. You can’t expect me to give you my full attention all the time. And you definitely can’t follow me around! It’s just creepy and wrong. You know that’s considered stalking, right?”

The Italian stares back at you incredulously. You wonder what’s going on in his head right now.

“You gave me no other choice, Y/N! How am I supposed to see if you’re doing alright if you deny me like this? You really think me worrying about you makes me some deranged criminal?”, Narancia barks angrily back at you. The grip on your hand tightens. Listening to your previous gut feeling, you immediately retrieve your hand from his all while scooting away from him to gain more space between you. The dark-haired man’s jaw visibly clenches at your action, disapproval glistening in his eyes. Of course he would use his gaslighting tactics on you, he always does when things don’t go his way. Cautiously, you think for a while of what to say, not wanting to trigger Narancia’s wrath any further.

“It’s not the fact you worry about me, it’s the way you choose to show your concern. Narancia, it’s not okay what you’re doing, you’re actually making me feel very uncomfortable, even right now. Plus, you’re blaming me for your behaviour, which is, again, not acceptable”, You carefully reply, hoping to talk some sense into him.

He makes you uncomfortable? Narancia can’t comprehend your words at all. He’d been worrying himself sick the last few days, trying to reach out to you as best as possible while you cruelly kept on ignoring his countless messages. But he is supposed to be the bad guy now? The Italian scoffs intensely at that thought. He can feel the anger gnawing at his guts, ready to be released.

“You’re being ridiculous, Y/N,” Narancia reprimands you, “can’t I show you anymore that I care? That I love you? Even after you’ve blocked and ignored me? What do you expect me to do now, to just let you go?”

“Actually, I do,” you peep quietly, “I can’t continue with this madness. If you don’t want to understand and listen to me, then it’s best for you to go. Now.” Your voice grows stronger with every word you utter, finally regaining your confidence. Meanwhile, Narancia’s heart sinks to his stomach at your statement. Do you really want to leave him?

“No, no no no Y/N, you don’t mean this, right? You wanna stay with me, don’t you?”

“No, I really don’t think I do, not after you’ve shown me your true colours.”

With a force you don’t expect, Narancia pulls you suddenly against his chest again. His arms cage you in, leaving no room for you to move at all.

“This is just a misunderstanding,” the young man keeps repeating like a mantra while tightening his grasp as if you could dissipate into thin air if he didn’t cling onto you, “It’s normal for couples to fight from time to time, it’s fine. We’re fine, right? You wouldn’t abandon me for real, would you?”

“Narancia, I –“ you try to intervene, but your attempts remain futile as he cuts you off quickly.

“No, you’re not going to leave me! I’m not letting you. Look, this is but a silly fight, you’re not going to toss away our relationship for that, are you? Just remember all the beautiful moments we shared together, how happy I can make you, if you just let me!” Narancia nuzzles his head into the crook of your neck. “I love you, Y/N.” He eagerly plants kisses onto your skin, making you shudder and whimper helplessly. Your eyes grow bigger, your breath quickens as you desperately look for a way to escape this situation, to escape him.

“I love you more than anything in this world. I’d gladly give up everything if it meant to spend every second with you by my side. No one can love you like this but me. Remember that next time you’re thinking I’m going to let you off the hook”, Narancia whispers in your ear, the underlying threat being crystal clear to you. No, you aren’t going to escape from him any time soon…

#JJBA #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #yandere jjba #yandere jojo #yandere narancia x reader #yandere narancia #yandere x reader #jojo golden wind #minors dni #tw: aged up character #tw: yandere #tw: noncon touching #tw: toxic relationship #tw: gaslighting #tw: cyber harassment

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kerosene-insomniac · 3 years

Text

To Be So Lonely

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Midoriya Izuku

Warnings: Strong language, sexually explicit smut, violence, alpha/beta/omega dynamics, cancer sub-plot, major character death {not bakudeku}

Word Count for Chapter: 2,791

Summary: Midoriya Izuku has always wanted to be a musician. Something about the lyric working with a melody to convey his feeling just made his heart race. After his father died when he was three, Izuku has always relied on his mother. She worked two jobs to care for him and always supported his dreams. But when his mother is diagnosed with breast cancer just after he graduated high school, Izuku has to shift his focus. Now he’s working two jobs and takes care of his mother with the help of his gay neighbors.

In an attempt to learn self-defense, Izuku takes a few classes at a local gym. It’s there that he meets Toshinori Yagi, an older beta who used to be a professional heavyweight boxer. Yagi notices Izuku’s potential and encourages the small omega to eventually go pro. So, in order to make more money, Izuku eventually agrees.

Bakugou Katsuki has only ever wanted to fight. Orphaned as the young age of four, Katsuki has been fighting to live for his entire life. Fighting is all he’s ever known. After fighting underground for a couple years, Katsuki is noticed by Todoroki Enji. The older alpha takes him in at 19 and names him the official successor of his legacy (especially since all of his actual kids hate him).

Now, Katsuki is 25-years-old and the professional heavyweight champion.In a whirlwind of events, Katsuki meets Izuku in the unlikeliest of places. He watches the small omega perform and can’t help it feel extremely protective and absolutely enamored with him. The older alpha gets to meet him and say goodbye without even learning the omega’s name. Katsuki isn’t sure that they’ll ever meet again.

That is, until Katsuki officially meets Izuku at a professional lunch with his manager’s rival.

{OR}

The one where Katsuki is a professional alpha boxer with arrogance issues and Izuku is a stubborn omega that’s way little too reckless with his well-being. With a wacky cast of characters (including three idiots, a manly best friend, a traumatized bastard with daddy-issues, and many more) absolutely hell-bent on getting them together, neither men can seem to catch a break

***

———- Continue Reading ————-

{0.1} Sweet Like Honey

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”

― Laurell K. Hamilton

K A T S U K I

“C’mon, Bakubro! Smile a little!”

Katsuki scowled even more as Kirishima dragged him towards the run-down bar. On some level, he wants to be here and have fun with his friends. On another, however, he knows that he’ll have to deal with a hangover tomorrow.

And fuck that.

The shitty bar smells vaguely of coffee and beer, as well as a mix of pheromones. It has a decent amount of people inside, but not enough to feel overwhelming.

“How did Pikachu find this shitty place?”

Kirishima gave him a look, as if he was a scolding parent. “His boyfriend actually did. It has live music and decent alcohol.”

Katsuki huffed, pulling his hood over his hair. “Who the fuck would want to court Pikachu? He’s annoyingly dumb.”

“Well, not everyone thinks that.”

Before Katsuki can argue, sweet-smelling arms wrapped around his neck.

“Blasty!! You made it!” Mina screeched, already smelling of red wine.

Katsuki growled, immediately pushing the omega off of him and towards her alpha. Kirishima caught her easily. “Don’t touch me, Raccoon Eyes! Ever hear of personal space?!”

Mina giggled, whispering loudly into Kirishima’s ear. “He’s so grumpy already.”

“I know. It’s pretty funny.”

Katsuki bristled, baring his teeth. “Fuck off, Shitty Hair!”

Kirishima chuckled, ignoring Katsuki directing them further inside. Closer to the bar was Kaminari and a purple-haired beta who obviously didn’t get enough sleep the night before.

The audacity.

Kaminari glanced their way, his face lighting up. “Bakugou! It’s nice to see that Kirishima-“

“Shut it, Dunce Face.” Katsuki grumbled lowly. “I’m just here to babysit you idiots.”

Denki shrugged, taking a shot of something that smelled suspiciously like Fireball. “Whatever you say, Bakugou. Hitoshi is already our babysitter for the night.”

The purple-haired beta blinked in Katsuki’s direction, taking a sip of his water bottle. He looked like he was silently analyzing and judging Katsuki, which immediately made the older alpha bristle.

“Calm down, Blasty.” Mina snickered, leaning against Kirishima. “You scowl too much.”

Katsuki scowled even more, watching as everyone ordered drinks.

Kirishima glanced at him, offering a sympathetic smile. “Just chill, Bakubro. Shinsou says the live music is really good!”

That’s unlikely.

“I know the performer.” Shinsou murmured, still studying Katsuki. “He’s a childhood friend.”

Katsuki ignored the insomniac troll doll and took a seat next to Kirishima. “This better be good, Shitty Hair. You know how I feel about music.”

Kirishima nodded, accepting his drink from the bartender. “Well, Jiro also speaks highly of the dude. She’s as serious about music as you are, so I’m sure he’s pretty great.”

That’s a little reassuring.

Before Katsuki could speak again, a small voice came from the stage.

And god, Katsuki’s interest immediately heightened.

A small man climbed onto a stool with a guitar in his hands. He had dazzling green eyes and a head of green curls that made him look soft. He was wearing a grey hoodie with ripped skinny jeans, making him look even cuter.

And the freckles.

Katsuki took a deep breath, immediately freezing as omegan pheromones washed over the small bar.

Chocolate and cherries.

He’s so screwed.

“Our first request of the night is called ‘Save Yourself’.” The omega murmured, his voice sweet as honey.

The small omega started strumming a dingy guitar, making it look effortless. But Katsuki knew better than to assume.

It weighs heavier on one's heart

I could tell right from the start that sweet ones are hard to come across

Well there is more than meets the eye

A heart like yours is rare to find

Someone else's gain will be my loss

“Holy shit…”

For once, Katsuki could agree with Pikachu.

Shinsou chuckled lowly, earning glances from everyone else. “I’m glad that you think he’s good. I’ve tried telling him that, but he never wants to hear it.”

“He’s adorable!” Mina squealed, almost a little too loudly.

Katsuki gave her glare, which didn’t go unnoticed by Kirishima. In fact, the red-haired alpha grinned and followed Katsuki’s gaze.

Woah, woah, oh oh

Oh woah, woah

Woah woah oh

Hey hey

Well little things that make you smile

Dancing barefoot in the dark

If only I had strength to change your mind

Oh for what you need

You will not see

Choose your words before you speak

Can you see that all you've got is time?

Katsuki couldn’t fucking breathe.

The small omega sounded soft and sure, obviously confident and lost in the song. A stray curl rested on his forehead, moving as he strummed the guitar.

Whatever it was about him, Katsuki couldn’t look away.

Woah now

Save yourself

Oh you save yourself

Oh darling save yourself for someone else

Yeah, save yourself

Oh darling save yourself

Oh won't you save yourself from someone else

Woah

Don't give in to their feelings

Don't give in darkness and faith

You should be safe, yeah, with someone else

Tell your secrets to the night

You do yours and I do mine

So we won't have to keep them all inside

Oh, for one so pure

Count these off

Let your feelings take control

Hold on to the world that he's begging for

“What’s his name?”

Shinsou looked at Kirishima, almost as if he was bored. “He’s not comfortable with me telling people. He’s a very private person.”

Mina pouted, whining slightly. “But he’s so good! Wouldn’t he want people to know his name?”

“He’s going through a lot right now.”

Katsuki glanced at Shinsou, immediately meeting the beta’s gaze. “For once, I agree with Raccoon Eyes. Private or not, he’s obviously good enough to go somewhere with a voice like that.”

The beta raised an eyebrow. “I wasn’t aware that you complimented people, Bakugou. Not everyone is a cocky boxer with arrogance issues.”

Ex-fucking-cuse me?

“At least I know how to fight, you knock-off troll doll!”

Shinsou blinked, obviously unaffected by Katsuki’s words. “Just because you’re a professional boxer doesn’t mean shit, Bakugou. If I remember correctly, you were underground once.”

Katsuki glared, scowling harshly. “Underground?”

“He’s an underground boxer, Bakubro,” Kirishima murmured, looking amused with the whole interaction. “He’s pretty good.”

Whatever.

Katsuki focused on the musician again, obviously pouting.

Woah now

Save yourself

Oh won't you save yourself

Go on and save yourself for someone else

Yes darling save yourself

Oh won't you save yourself

Go on and save yourself for someone else

Woah are you going to break?

Are you going to break?

Woah aren't you going to take me?

Yeah are you going to break?

Are you going to break?

Woah what's it going to take?

Yeah, are you going to break?

Are you going to break?

The small omega strummed the last few notes, his voice cracking slightly as the last lyrics finished. He shyly smiled at the crowd, using his bandaged hand to brush his curls out of his face.

Wait.

Bandages?

Katsuki watched with narrowed eyes as the small omega talked with the crowd, obviously trying to take more requests. Something about him was off and it made the alpha slightly suspicious.

Why does he look like that?

I Z U K U

“-and thank you for coming out! Goodnight!”

Izuku waved at the crowd as he exited the stage, his heart in his throat at the small amount of applause. His guitar felt heavy in his small hands, matching his equally heavy shoulders.

Music doesn’t have the same relief it used to.

The small omega chewed on his bottom lip anxiously as he placed his ratty guitar in it’s case. Izuku had saved up two summers worth of money to buy it, so he definitely felt more attached to it than most.

“Here’s your tips, Midoriya.”

Izuku snapped out of his daze as the female omega handed him the money, his pretty green eyes looking a bit grey. “Thanks, Jiro. I really appreciate this.”

Jiro smiled warmly, her dark eyes completely gentle as she watched him place the cash in his case. “It’s no problem, Midoriya. Tell your mom and the dads that I said hi!”

“I will!”

Izuku waved goodbye and made his way towards the exit. Hitoshi normally waited backstage to take him home, but he’s currently on a date with someone. It wasn’t like Izuku was afraid, but walking alone at night did give him some anxiety.

After all, Izuku is an omega.

In their current society, it was extremely easy for omegas to be victimized. They were completely at the mercy of outside forces, which caused a lot of weaknesses. Dominant pheromones from an alpha could completely shut them down and make them vulnerable to orders.

Alphas didn’t lack in strength like many omegas did, so they could easily overpower anyone slightly weaker than them.

While alphas experienced ruts or periods of extreme arousal, that was nothing on omegas. Omegas experience heats every month, which was a mess of fevers and the need to be knotted.

Ruts could easily be controlled and ignored.

Heats were the opposite.

If an omega was to go into heat while in public, that left them at the mercy of any alpha nearby. An alpha could take what they want, regardless of consent, and not be held liable.

So, yes.

Walking alone made Izuku slightly nervous.

As Izuku walked down the dimly-lit street, he was aware of the different smells. He could smell cigarettes and cheap perfume, all containing a mix of omega pheromones. It was slightly fruity and stale, making his stomach churn.

Don’t focus on -

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?”

Fucking fuck.

Izuku’s blood ran cold as someone yanked him backward, grabbing at the soft skin of his cheeks. “I’m just walking home. I-I have people waiting on me, so-“

Bright blue eyes locked with his.

Dabi.

Shit.

“I almost don’t recognize you without the mask, bunny.”

Izuku’s soft green eyes immediately hardened as he shoved the drunk alpha off of him. “Don’t touch me, Dabi. We both know that I can kick your ass in or out of the ring.”

Dabi growled, grabbing Izuku by the hoodie again. “It’s a shame you got such a smart mouth, bunny. I might’ve considered marking you.”

So fucking gross…

“Get fucked, Dabi.” Izuku snapped, pushing him back again.

The blue-eyed alpha huffed, causing the intense smell of alcohol to waft over the omega. “Why are you being such a frigid bitch, bunny? Sounds like someone needs a nice kn-“

Izuku pulled his arm back and punched the alpha square in the jaw.

Dabi released him and shot back, muffling a bunch of curses as he rubbed his jaw. Judging from his pheromones, he was obviously pissed off.

But then again, so was Izuku.

“You little bitch.” Dabi growled, standing at his full height.

Izuku scoffed, widening his stance and shifting into an all too familiar position. In the street light, the bandages on the omega’s fingers were much more visible than before.

The small omega clenched his jaw. “I’d stop it with the insults, Dabi. I’d hate to kick your ass again.”

Dabi lunged, but Izuku quickly ducked.

In a quick move, the small omega landed a harsh kick to the alpha’s stomach. It was a cheap move, but Izuku didn’t care.

He’s always hated pigs, anyway.

Before the small omega could move, though, Dabi growled and grabbed him by the hair. He yanked Izuku upright and shoved him towards the wall of the alley.

Shit.

Dabi chuckled lowly, placing his knee between Izuku’s legs and wrapping his hands around his throat. “You look pretty with my hands around your throat. Maybe I should-“

“What the fuck are you doing?”

The scarred alpha froze, his blue eyes flickering to the entrance. After a few seconds, Dabi immediately scowled. “Mind your business, golden boy.”

Golden boy?

Izuku struggled under Dabi’s grip, feeling slightly light-headed as the seconds continued to pass. “Le-let me-“

“Fuck off, staple-face.”

And just like that, the pressure on Izuku’s throat was gone.

Izuku coughed and gasped as his world adjusted, his green eyes landing on the mess of fighting alpha’s in front of him. The smell of cigarette ash was now accompanied by caramel and cinnamon, which shouldn’t have made his heart race.

Alphas.

Izuku inwardly scoffed, rubbing his throat as he slowly made his way towards the exit. The sooner he got home, the better.

He really doesn’t want to be yelled at by Aizawa.

“I’m sure your dad would hate to watch me kick your ass, stitches. He probably wants to do it himself!”

Izuku snickered softly, glancing back to look at the fighting match.

Dabi was completely unconscious on the ground, nearly overshadowed by the mysterious alpha. This same alpha was dressed in a black hoodie and baseball cap, which hid his face pretty well.

The small omega made a mental note to remember this when he fights Dabi next week. These nicknames were top-notch.

The alpha fixed his jacket, spinning to face Izuku.

Shit. Shit. Abort.

Izuku squeaked and turned to bolt. At this point, plenty of people were exiting the club. Plenty of people would probably help him if he screamed.

“Not so fast, freckles.”

The small omega was pulled back yet again.

Izuku spun around, his green eyes sharp as he bared his teeth in an obvious snarl. “Don’t touch me! I’m not sucking your dick just because you felt the need to play hero.”

Red eyes locked with his.

And for a second, that split second, Izuku felt like the world stood still. Instead of some ugly alpha with questionable intentions, this alpha simply looked annoyed and frustrated.

Not the usual type to defend Izuku in an alleyway.

“What the fuck are you doing out so late by yourself?”

Izuku blinked, pulling himself out of his daze as sweet caramel greeted his nose. “Does it matter?”

The alpha’s eyes twitched. “I think it does. Any omega with a bit of common sense would know not to be by themselves at this time of night.”

“I’m not most omegas.”

Izuku’s words caused the tiniest smirk to dawn on the alpha’s face.

This mysterious alpha was much taller than Izuku and definitely stronger. The hood of his jacket covered ash-blond hair, but no amount of darkness could hide those eyes. And even more so, it was obvious that he had a resting bitch face.

“Hah?! A resting what?”

Ah, fuck.

Izuku blushed bright red, chewing on his bottom lip in an attempt to keep his mouth shut. “I-ignore that. I tend to mumble a lot.”

The alpha narrowed his eyes. “I can see that, freckles. But what the fuck were you doing out here by yourself?”

I’m not helpless…

“I can handle myself. I don’t need your help.”

The alpha scoffed loudly, his scowl becoming more prominent on his face. “Don’t be fucking reckless. If I wasn’t here, Stitches would’ve done worse than choke you.”

Izuku rolled his eyes. “I had it handled.”

“Stop lying to yourself, freckles.”

The small omega clenched his jaw and pulled himself free of the alpha’s grip. His skin felt hot with fury and annoyance, especially since this alpha seemed so arrogant.

Izuku walked out of the alley, adjusting the strap of his guitar case and glancing around. The sidewalk was still full of people, so he was probably safe to finish walking home.

Before he could do so, however, a warm hand grasped his arm.

“Hold on, freckles. Let me walk you home.”

Izuku froze, glaring suspiciously at the alpha next to him. “I’m not helpless, you know. I don’t need a big, strong alpha to walk me home.”

Thank god for sarcasm.

The alpha shrugged, releasing Izuku’s arm and waited to follow him. “I’d feel much better knowing that you got home okay. I don’t want to see your fucking face on the news, freckles.”

Freckles? That’s the best you got?

“Fine.”

The small omega looked away from the alpha and started walking home, his heart fluttering in his chest as the smell of caramel enveloped him. Izuku’s never been good with attractive people, though.

Especially alphas with red eyes, which is his favorite color.

“What’s your name, nerd?”

Izuku blinkled, adjusting his hoodie. “I have enough survival instincts not to tell you. Stick to the shitty nicknames.”

The alpha huffed. “They’re not shitty!”

“I’m not convinced.”

Blondie {which Izuku decided to call him} growled in obvious annoyance, easily keeping up with the short omega. “Don’t you want to know my name? I’m sure you’re curious, shitty nerd.”

Izuku shrugged, glancing both ways before crossing a dimly-lit street. “Not really. It’s not like I’ll ever see you again.”

“How can you be so sure of that?”

“Because it’s obvious that you’ve never been here before.”

Blondie gave him a sideways glance, his red eyes glinting in the street light. “I’m that obvious? What gave it away, freckles?”

Izuku chewed on his bottom lip, slowing down as his apartment complex came into view. “If you were, then you would’ve known that I can handle Dabi. This won’t be the last time he tries to kick my ass.”

Silence.

Hehe.

“So he does that often?”

Izuku stopped in front of his complex, turning to glance at the red-eyed alpha. “More than you’d think.”

The alpha nodded, looking up at the apartment complex. “Well, I’m glad that you let me walk you home. Should I follow you inside?”

“I’m not too comfortable with that, Blondie.’

Blondie froze, shooting Izuku a scowl. “Don’t call me that, shitty nerd.”

Izuku snickered, punching a code into the door and opening it. “Thanks for the entertainment, Blondie. I’m sure that you’ll get better with the nicknames.”

He went inside, leaving alpha outside.

Thank god that’s over.

*****

AUTHOR’S NOTE

I’ve caved and decided to cross-post here! I’m loving the community on here and definitely enjoy the responses I’ve received!

All the love love love,

Ash <3

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gayregis · 3 years

Note

this is kind of controversial so bear with me. as a slavic person i really feel like twn kind of “stole a part of our culture” (no not because there are poc, fuck the people who say that) like, the books and games have a really distinct slavic feel to them, even if they are inspired by europe in general, but twn kind of... throws all that out. it feels like just another western fantasy trying to be the next got. quite a few slavs have been trying to bring this to light but it’s greatly overshadowed by the numerous people simply being racist about the cast. this may seem dumb or like “white people pretending to be oppressed” but. slavs don’t really get the best treatment in western media as is and erasing us from one of our best known franchises kind of really sucks.

no i agree with this. i think the stupid fucking racists that are mad that there are actors of color in the series have totally taken this argument into red flag territory so that now it’s dangerous to broach this topic without attracting those freaks.

the witcher adaptation is not ‘slavic’ because it has no cultural reference to poland or any other parts of the region. both in writing and in visual design, it is incredibly generic and bland, as you said: “another western fantasy trying to be the next game of thrones.” this is disappointing and frustrating.

i’ll speak from my perspective as an american witcher fan: i did not know anything about polish culture/language/etc from my public school and postsecondary education. the only time we ever were taught about the region was in education about world war II and the cold war (in which they don’t teach us anything except that “poland must have been weak because it fell so quickly, and it then was part of the big bad soviet union :( ew communism ew”. the closest thing to poland that we learn about is russia (NOT conflating the two, i’m just saying the closest in proximity/language group/etc), and we learn very negative things about russia. and i live in a “liberal” area of the US.

of course i’m nothing near an expert now, but i have learned more from being in this fandom, mostly because i have looked into the publishing of the books, differences between original text and the english translation(s), cultural references and mythology. and of course i have had way more conversations with mutuals/friends from poland than i ever would have if i had not joined the fandom.

things that highlight the witcher books being “polish/slavic” to me, that weren’t in the netflix series at all: writing, humor, character tropes and mythology, specific foods, specific social groups and distinctions (peasantry vs nobility), governmental offices and organization, pacing.

and it seems like it was scrubbed on purpose to make it more ‘palatable’ to a broader american/british audience. ... which didn’t have to happen at all! a lot of what american audiences found interesting about the witcher (mostly demonstrated through the witcher 3) was its “uniqueness” in that it had a lot of cultural references that weren’t familiar to americans - for example the leshens in tw3 were quite popular because not many american fans had ever heard of them before, they sounded like a totally unique concept.

but they intended to take out the “distinct slavic feel” that you describe, ON PURPOSE:

this can be seen with people like alik sakharov running into conflict with lauren hissrich and the overall writing and visual direction:

The first season of Netflix's The Witcher was incredibly successful, but it did undergo a few changes on its way to the small screen, and that included a shift in directors. Alik Sakharov was originally going to direct episodes 1, 2, 7, and 8 of season 1, but only ended up directing episode 2 in full. Marc Jobst would reshoot significant parts of episode 1 and would take over 7 and 8, and up until now, we didn't really know why he departed. Showrunner Lauren S. Hissrich previously commented on his departure, but we finally heard from Sakharov in a new interview, and he broke down what he thought of his work on season 1 and why he ended up leaving

(...) Sakharov talked about the different points of view regarding the approach and vision for the show, and that conflict was the main reason why he left.

“You see, in my perception, Eastern-European literature has a completely different pace," Sakharov said. "It is no coincidence that Andrzej Sapkowski has so many storylines and characters. The producers set the task of setting the adaptation at an action pace and filling it with colorful special effects. That was their vision. My vision was very different and I tried to convey it to them, giving my arguments. Unfortunately, I was not considered convincing enough, so I decided to leave the project.”

The Witcher Director Explains Why He Left The Show

which is just so fucking annoying and disheartening because it’s part of what makes the witcher... the witcher. one can’t deny that sapkowski was largely influenced by the world around him (for better, or for worse... i’m looking at you, wwii antisemitism analogies with elves and dwarves instead...) and that was all taken out.

but they added so much sensationalist stuff to it - violence where it doesn’t make sense / isn’t necessary (the giant genocide that calanthe apparently carried out?), sex and nudity where it doesn’t make sense / isn’t necessary, all while taking away so much of the original text and dialogue, adding in cheap one-liners instead of paragraphs of emotion. the americanization of the media goes hand-in-hand with making it stupider, so it can reach the broadest possible audience to make the most possible amount of money.

and the effect of this is that all of the new fans coming in from the show don’t know anything about this and treat it like american media. one of the ways where this can be seen most prominently is how the fandom ‘affectionately’ nicknames jaskier “jask” ... and treats “buttercup” like a totally different pet name that geralt can call him... when... that’s not how... grammar and words work...

this is one of the reasons that i unironically like the hexer way more as an adaptation of the witcher books. one can’t deny that they’re more truthful to the original work.

before this i’ve also read a little about how the witcher becoming a big thing (not even reaching the western countries yet) was important because before it, only western fantasies like tolkien were considered to “sell well” by publishers so they wouldn’t take their chances with a polish author. it can’t be denied that the witcher is a cultural phenomenon and gave more international representation to poland just overall and in arts/culture. and the netflix series totally washed this all away in their interpretation.

what makes me mad as well is that they had a great opportunity to use traditional polish folk wear / motifs / art in the costume and set design and visual direction of the whole thing, and they just completely did some random bullshit that looks horrible and grotesque (no one looks like they come from the same planet or time period, much less the same continent). it’s not “fantasy,” it’s just random and nonsensical. extremely disappointing considering how much potential they had to consult polish artists, costume designers, historians and medieval scholars. (the witcher doesn’t take place in medieval europe but it is certainly influenced by it, and imo historical direction in series like this are always good for the art.)

it’s also really fucking annoying that the netflix staff think they’re so progressive and amazing for adding in like 5 characters of color that almost all serve to support or antagonize the main white leads. the netflix series isn’t even good representation for people of color by a long shot imo and yet it’s touted by its showrunner as something extraordinary. why can’t we have people of color involved while also keeping what is considered as polishness or slavicness. it’s entirely possible, but netflix didn’t want to do either of those things because it wouldn’t get them as much money.

#ask #anon #the witcher netflix

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 5 years

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Hi! As someone who’s literary opinion I really trust, I was surprised that you’re a twilight fan? I know almost nothing except commen knowledge things about that series, and I always assumed it was actually bad/un-feminist. What is it that you like so much that others seem to miss? I’m just genuinely curious about your take on the hate it always seems to get vs. it’s actual quality. I’m not gonna judge bc animorphs is also one of those books where you see it and assume it’s bad.

In over 14 years of loving this series, I’m not sure anyone has ever asked me why I enjoy it instead of simply trying to convince me that I’m wrong to do so. So thank you for that.

First and foremost, I love the Twilight saga because of the vivid detail in Stephenie Meyer’s writing style. The descriptions are so lush and dense with sensory information that you can practically bite down on them as you read. Bella and Jacob aren’t just sitting on the beach; they’re sitting on a gnarled log of driftwood, worn smooth at the top from where so many Quileute teens have sat upon it during bonfires but still uneven enough to rock on its branches when Bella suddenly stands to rage at her own mortality. Meyer describes that log in Twilight, so tangibly and with such economy of detail, that we recognize it immediately when Bella and Jacob return to that spot in Eclipse. I’ve always disliked the movies, because I’ve always felt that the best part of Meyer’s writing simply did not translate well to the screen.

Secondly, I love the feminism.

Okay, let’s take a quick pause to let everyone gasp and clutch their pearls over me calling Twilight a feminist work. I will address the criticisms later. For now, please just hear me out.

Twilight strikes me as a premier example of what Hélène Cixous means when she calls for “women’s writing,” or writing for women, about women, by women, with a strong focus on the concerns and strengths and desires of womanhood. This is a series about building and maintaining close relationships, both romantic and platonic. It celebrates beauty, and love, and care. Bella moves to Forks because she recognizes that her dad is lonely while her mom is quite the opposite, torn between family priorities. She doesn’t simply subsume her interests to those of other people, but instead actively chooses how and when and where to express her love for her birth family and her found families. Most of the other major decisions throughout the story — Alice “adopting” Bella, Carlisle moving the family to Alaska, Jacob becoming werewolf beta, the Cullens going up against the Volturi, etc. — are motivated by care and devotion for one’s family and friends. Even the selfish or morally ambiguous character choices are shown to be motivated by love. Rosalie tells Edward that Bella died because she genuinely thinks it’ll help him move on. Victoria creates an army that nearly destroys Forks because she’s avenging James. Alice abandons Bella and the others before the final battle because if she can’t save her entire family, then she’ll settle for saving her lover before letting him die in vain.

Not only is there a striking concern with love and care, but there’s also a strong commitment to avoiding violence. Bella’s eventual vamp-superpower proves to be preventing violence and protecting others, an awesome character decision that I’d argue gets set up as early as the first book. She lives in a violent world — this is a YA SF story, after all — but she has the power to suppress violence and create peace, both in herself and others. I was already sick of “power = ability to inflict damage” in YA stories well before I knew the word “patriarchy.” Twilight was one of the first books to convey to me that power could be refusing to do harm in spite of hunger or anger, that power could be shielding ones’ family, that power could be about building enough friendships and alliances to have an army at one’s back when facing an enemy too strong to take on alone.

Closely connected to all of that love and care, I love how much Twilight is about navigating teenage girlhood. Is it empowering, intersectional, or all-inclusive? Hell no. Does it still dare to suggest that a completely ordinary teenage girl could have valid concerns about the world? Yep. The main conflict of the story, as Stephen King so derisively explained, is about the romantic entanglements of a teenage girl, and the book therefore has no literary merit. (To quote my dad’s response: “Bold words from the guy who inflicted Firestarter on the world.”)

There is, indeed, a lot of romance in Twilight. There are a lot of clothes. Alice and Rosalie especially spend a lot of time on makeup, and hair, and choosing the prettiest cars and houses. Twilight embraces all the stereotypically “girly” concerns of adolescence, and makes no effort to apologize for or condemn them. Bella isn’t particularly good at performing them — she likes but doesn’t excel at shopping, fiercely defends her ugly car as ugly, hobbles through prom on crutches — but she can still enjoy the feeling of being pretty in a sparkly dress while dancing with her sparkly boyfriend. And Twilight, like Animorphs with Cassie, takes the daring step of treating that feeling as valid.

Speaking of sparkles, I love the commitment to the fantasy concept in Twilight, including the myriad mundanities that Meyer brings with that commitment. If you have super-speed, why not use it to play extreme baseball? If you’re a mindreader with a clairvoyant sister, why wouldn’t you two play mental chess games? I couldn’t tell you, after seven seasons of Buffy or eight of Vampire Diaries, what Spike or Damien or Angel or Stefan does all day when not brooding or lurking in the bushes to creep on human women. I can tell you what the Cullens get up to. Emmett and Rosalie work on their cars, usually by holding them overhead one-handed. Carlisle and Alice read plays, and sometimes talk the whole family into home Shakespeare productions. Edward and Carlisle debate theology, Emmett and Jasper have dumb athletic competitions, Edward and Esme play music, Alice manipulates stock markets, the twins go shopping online, etcetera. The Cullens feel real, feel like the vampires next door, in a way that Louis and Lestat simply do not.

To get to the elephant in the room — I just described Twilight as a feminist text! — let’s talk about the other thing the Cullens do for fun: they have sex. Weird sex. Kinky furniture-breaking sex. Sex that Emmett (who would know) compares to bear-wrestling. These books suck with regards to queer representation, but they are sex-positive. They feature an old-school Anglican protagonist offering his daughter-in-law a medical abortion. They treat Edward’s desire for sex only within marriage and Alice’s desire for sex outside of marriage as both being valid. Like I said, not groundbreaking, even by the standards of 2005, but still more than most teen novels do even today.

There’s a passage from Breaking Dawn that people love to pull out of context as “everything wrong with Twilight in two paragraphs” because it describes Bella waking up the morning after sex with bruises on her arms. That moment is shocking out of context, to be sure — but in context, it’s the end result of an in-depth consent negotiation that lasts four books. Bella says that she’d like to become a vampire. Edward says okay, but only if she spends a few more years living as a human and considering that choice. Bella says okay, but only if Edward, not Carlisle, becomes the one to turn her. Edward says they can use his venom, but that Carlisle, who’s an MD, really needs to supervise the process. Bella doesn’t love the idea of Edward’s stepdad cockblocking what’s supposed to be an intimate moment, and so agrees only on the grounds that she gets to have sex with Edward as a human first. Edward’s hella Catholic, so he requests that they get married first. Bella’s super horny, so she demands that the wedding happen within six months. Edward says that he might hurt her during sex, and Bella says that she wants a little hurt during sex. They marry. They bang. During the banging, Edward makes every effort to be controlled and courteous and gentile, while Bella goes wild and crazy. The next morning, she has bruises and he does not. Edward apologizes, but Bella’s actually really into it. She spends a while admiring her sexy vamp-marked self in the mirror, touches the bruises many times, and reminds us yet again that Bella Swan’s whole M.O. is being a monsterfucker. Her kink is not my kink, and that’s okay.

To be clear, I think there are other aspects of the romance that get criticized for good reason. Edward does not negotiate with Bella before sneaking into her room to watch her sleep, and he does make unacceptable use of their power differences when he thinks she’s in danger of being mauled by werewolves. The text condemns Jacob’s “don’t wanna die a virgin” ploy to manipulate a kiss out of Bella, but not the wider conceit of all the male characters as possessing uncontrollable urges. Bella’s struggles to adjust to a new town feel very feminine and realistic; her amused tolerance of Jacob’s and Mike’s sexual harassment as the price for their friendship does not. Werewolf imprinting might be mostly platonic, but that doesn’t make it okay for Meyer to depict it as a form of soulmate bonding that happens with child characters. Those are good points, all around. I just wish that most of them didn’t come up in the context of post-hoc rationalizations for loathing the femininity of a feminine text.

I’m not calling Twilight an unproblematic series. I’m saying that it gets (rightly!) criticized for appropriating Quileute culture, while Buffy’s total absence of main characters of color and blatant anti-Romani racism are (wrongly!) not remarked upon. I'm saying that I’ve been told I’m a misogynist for liking Twilight but not for liking James Bond. I’m saying that there’s a reason people tend to go “oh, that makes so much sense!” when I let them in on the fact that reactive hatred for “Twitards” started and spread on 4Chan, later home of Gamergate and incel culture. I’m saying that Twilight depicts problematic relationship dynamics as sexy — but then so do Vampire Academy, Blue Bloods, Supernatural, Vladimir Tod, and Vampire Diaries. All of which take the time to stop and thumb their noses at Twilight, smug in the superiority of having vampires that fly rather than vampires that sparkle, and for thoroughly condemning teenage girls for being girly while continuing to show men inflicting violence on them.

After all, as Erin May Kelly puts it: “we live in a world taught to hate everything to do with little girls. We hate the books they read and the bands they like. Is there anything the world makes fun of more than One Direction and Twilight?” No one has ever called me a misogynist for liking the MCU, in spite of less than a third of its movies even managing to clear the low-low bar of the Bechdel test. Because people are still allowed to like Harry Potter in spite of its racism, or Lord of the Rings despite its imperialism. Because hatred for Twilight was never about its very real sexism, or the genuinely silly sparkle-vampires, until it had to justify itself as something other than hate for everything that teenage girls have ever dared openly love.

I enjoy the novels, and I enjoy the fan fiction that tries to fix some of the problems with the novels. I appreciate the extent to which Meyer has elevated fan culture, and made an effort to acknowledge her own past mistakes. I would love to be able to talk about my love for the series as a flawed but beautiful work of literature, but for now I’ll settle for asking that the world just let me enjoy it in peace.

#twilight #the twilight saga #breaking dawn #eclipse #new moon #stephenie meyer #fandom #nothing to do with animorphs #misogyny #ableist language #sexist language #long post #sexism #romance #anonymous #asks

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comrade-meow · 3 years

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[‘Assignment to Slave Labour’, Auschwitz, Poland, c.1940. US Holocaust Memorial Museum.]

Menstruation and the Holocaust

Periods are a fact of life, but little talked about. How did women in the concentration camps cope with the private being made public in the most dire and extreme circumstances?

Menstruation is rarely a topic that comes to mind when we think about the Holocaust and has been largely avoided as an area of historical research. This is regrettable, as periods are a central part of women’s experience. Oral testimonies and memoirs show that women felt ashamed discussing menstruation during their time in the concentration camps, but, at the same time, they kept bringing the subject up, overcoming the stigma that is attached to them.

Typically, menstruation has been seen as a medical problem to be overcome rather than as a natural occurrence and a part of life. Medical historians, for example, have explored the forced experiments in sterilisation that were conducted in Auschwitz. Sabine Hildebrandt examined the research of the pathologist Hermann Stieve, who experimented on female political prisoners awaiting execution in Plötzensee. Stieve looked at the effect stress had on the reproductive system. Similarly, Anna Hájková has written about the Jewish Theresienstadt prisoner and physician František Bass’ research on amenorrhoea, the loss of menstruation, which focused on how it was caused by the shock of incarceration. Interestingly, however, almost all this research discussed ovulation (and its lack) rather than menstruation, even though both are part of the same biological function.

Periods impacted on the lives of female Holocaust victims in a variety of ways: for many, menstruation was linked to the shame of bleeding in public and the discomfort of dealing with it. Periods also saved some women from being sexually assaulted. Equally, amenorrhoea could be a source of anxiety: about fertility, the implications for their lives after the camps and about having children in the future.

A much-cited argument in Holocaust scholarship, made by Hannah Arendt, is that the totalitarian regime of the camps broke human solidarity, making them a very isolating place to be. But, contrary to this view, periods could provide moments of bonding and solidarity among prisoners: many older women gave help to teenagers, who experienced their first period alone after their families had been murdered. When we look for it, many survivors talk with great openness about their periods. Having or not having a period could shape daily experience of the camps.

What is a woman?

After deportation to camps and ghettos, due to malnutrition and shock, a significant number of female Holocaust victims of reproductive age stopped menstruating. Many were afraid that they would be left infertile after their bodies were forced to their limits, making the intrinsic link between periods and fertility apparent and increasingly central to their lives. Gerda Weissman, originally from Bielsko in Poland and 15 years old during her incarceration, later reflected that a key reason she wanted to survive was because she wanted to have children. She described it as ‘an obsession’. Similarly, the French publicist, resistance fighter and Auschwitz survivor Charlotte Delbo mentions a discussion that took place among a room full of women:

“It’s upsetting not to go through those unclean period … You begin to feel like an old woman. Timidly, Big Irene asked: ‘And what if they never come back afterwards?’ At her words a ripple of horror swept over us … Catholics crossed over themselves, others recited the Shema; everyone tried to exorcise this curse the German were holding over us: sterility. How could one sleep after that?”

These reactions reflected both religious and cultural diversity, showing that regardless of faith, culture or nationality, it was a worry all could relate to. The historian of Holocaust literature S. Lillian Kremer argued that, in addition to the fear of becoming infertile, the prisoners’ uncertainty over whether their fertility would return if they survived made the loss of menstruation a ‘dual psychological assault’ on female identity.

Upon entry into the camp, prisoners were given shapeless clothing and had their heads shaved. They lost weight, including from their hips and breasts, two areas commonly associated with femininity. Oral testimonies and memoirs show that all of these changes compelled them to question their identities. When reflecting on her time in Auschwitz, Erna Rubinstein, a Polish Jew who was 17 when in the camps, asked in her memoir, The Survivor in Us All: Four Young Sisters in the Holocaust (1986): ‘What is a woman without her glory on her head, without hair? A woman who doesn’t menstruate?’

[Untitled drawing by Nina Jirsíková, 1941. Remembrance and Memorial Ravensbrück/SBG, V780 E1.]

It is only due to the commercialisation of a natural physical occurrence that we now have resources such as pads and tampons that are specifically geared towards easing the ‘inconvenience’ of menstruation. Terms such as ‘sanitary equipment’ show that menstruation is treated as a health and hygiene concern - something to be sanitised. The reality of the camps, however, meant that menstruation was hard to avoid or hide. Its suddenly public nature took many women by surprise and made them feel alienated. An additional obstacle was the lack of rags and the lack of opportunities to wash. Trude Levi, a Jewish-Hungarian nursery teacher, then aged 20, later recalled: ‘We had no water to wash ourselves, we had no underwear. We could go nowhere. Everything was sticking to us, and for me, that was perhaps the most dehumanising thing of everything.’ Many women have talked about how menstruating with no access to supplies made them feel subhuman. It is the specific ‘dirt’ of menstruation more than any other dirt, and the fact that their menstrual blood marked them as female, that made these women feel as though they were the lowest level of humanity.

The humiliation was furthered by the struggle of finding rags. Julia Lentini, a 17-year-old Romani from Biedenkopf in Germany, spent her summer months travelling through the country with her parents and 14 siblings. She was placed on kitchen detail during her time in Auschwitz-Birkenau and later Schlieben. She discusses in her testimony how women had to learn tricks for survival when it came to menstruation in the camps. ‘You took the undergarment slip they gave you, ripped it and made little rags, and guarded those little rags like they were gold … you rinsed them out a little bit, put them under the mattress and dried them, then nobody else could steal the little rags.’ Rags were precious and, being so, they were not immune to theft. Some people compensated by using other materials. Gerda Weissman recalls: ‘It was a hard thing because you had no supplies you know. You had to find little pieces of paper and some things from under the loos.’

Rags could almost be considered to have their own micro-economy. As well as being stolen, they were given away, borrowed and traded. Elizabeth Feldman de Jong’s testimony highlights the value of second-hand rags. Not long after she arrived at Auschwitz, her periods disappeared. Her sister, however, continued to menstruate every month. Experiments involving injections in the womb were common, but if a woman was on her period doctors often avoided operating, finding it too messy. One day, Elizabeth was called to have an operation. There were no clean clothes as opportunities to wash were limited, so Elizabeth put her sister’s underwear on and showed the doctor, telling him that she had her period. He refused to operate. Elizabeth realised she could use her sister’s situation to save herself from experimentation and did so another three times at Auschwitz.

Shame and salvation

Livia Jackson, barely old enough to menstruate, felt repulsion at seeing blood flowing down the legs of another girl during roll call: ‘I would rather die than have blood flowing down my legs.’ Her reaction conveys a common attitude: although the lack of access to supplies to stem their menstrual flow was not their fault, many women still felt ashamed.

Scholar Breanne Fahs argues that women’s bodies are viewed as ‘leaky and troublesome’ and their bodily functions are seen as inconvenient, distasteful and unhygienic. Men, on the other hand, tend to receive praise for their secretions: urine, flatulence and semen can be seen as humorous, even sexy. Yet the very notion that periods are repulsive could save women during the Holocaust from being raped. Doris Bergen’s classic discussion of sexual violence in the Holocaust includes an interesting example of two Polish-Jewish women assaulted by Wehrmacht soldiers:

On 18 February 1940 in Petrikau, two sentries … abducted the Jewess Machmanowic (age eighteen) and the Jewess Santowska (age seventeen) at gunpoint from their parents’ homes. The soldiers took the girls to the Polish cemetery; there they raped one of them. The other was having a period at the time. The men told her to come back in a few days and promised her five zlotys.

Similarly, Lucille Eichengreen, a young German-Jewish prisoner, recalled in her memoir that during her imprisonment in a Neuengamme satellite camp in the winter of 1944-5, she had found a scarf and was thrilled: she planned to use it to cover her shorn head. Worried that she would be punished for owning a prohibited object, Eichengreen hid the scarf between her legs. Later, a German guard took her aside and, while attempting to rape her, groped her between her legs and felt the scarf. The man exclaimed: ‘You dirty useless whore! Phooey! You’re bleeding!’ His error protected Lucille from rape. In discussing these stories, we must discern the irony at hand: it is rape that should be viewed as disgusting and menstruation as natural and acceptable.

Camp families

Some teenagers experienced their first period in the camps alone, separated from their families or orphaned. In such cases, older prisoners provided help and advice. Tania Kauppila, a Ukrainian in Mühldorf concentration camp, was 13 when she started her periods. She did not know what was happening and shed many tears. She was scared that she was going to die and did not know what to do. Older women in the camp taught her and others in the same position about periods. The girls were taught how to handle it and what they needed to do in order to cope with the blood flow. It was a different learning process than they would have had at home: ‘You tried to steal a piece of brown paper, you know, from the bags and do the best you can’, recalled Kauppila. This story reoccurs across numerous oral testimonies. Many orphaned survivors who had just started mentioned the help of older women, who took on both a sisterly and motherly role in helping these young girls, before they experienced potential amenorrhoea; older women usually lost their period within the first two or three months of imprisonment.

Feminist scholars such as Sibyl Milton have pointed out the female ‘camp families’ that formed. It is striking, however, that the sisterhood of menstruation has not been written about. As Lentini highlights, if a girl got her period and did not know who to talk to, an older woman would usually ‘explain it very simply’. Twenty-year-old Hungarian Vera Federman spent time in Auschwitz and the Allendorf. She and a friend were able to get work in the kitchen, a precious job. Eating extra potatoes caused their periods to come back and then both girls stole rags from the female guards. This theft, of course, put them in great danger (not to mention the threat of losing their job), but Federman stressed the solidarity with her friend as they teamed up to help each other. In the often violent world of the camps, older women were willing to help educate unknown young girls, expecting nothing in return.

Gendered social networks of support and help developed in the camps. Arendt wrote that ‘the camps are meant not only to exterminate people and degrade human beings, but also serve the ghastly experiment of eliminating, under scientifically controlled conditions, spontaneity itself as an expression of human behaviour’. The female solidarity brought about by the shared experience of menstruation, however, tells another story.

After the liberation, the majority of those who suffered amenorrhoea during their time in the concentration camps eventually started menstruating again. The return of periods was a joyous occasion for many. London-born Amy Zahl Gottlieb was, at 24, the youngest member of the first Jewish Relief Unit ever posted overseas. While discussing her work with liberated camp members in her interview with the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum, Gottlieb described how women began to lead normal lives and started to menstruate again; they were thrilled to be able to start having children. Menstruation became a symbol of their freedom. One survivor spoke of it as ‘my womanhood returning’.

The study of menstruation, a topic that has until now been perceived as irrelevant, or even disgusting, gives us a far more nuanced view of women’s experience of the Holocaust. We can see how notions of menstruation, rape, sterility and sisterhood changed in the camps. It seems that periods, a long-stigmatised topic, became, sometimes in the space of only months, a legitimate topic for women in camps.

Following the recent turns to cultural history, the history of the senses and the history of the body, we also need to recognise menstruation as valid and as defining victims’ experiences during the Holocaust.

(via)

European Network of Migrant Women

#Anglo.txt

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hannahwaterman · 3 years

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Type and Language 1 - Choosing a quote, planning my project, brainstorming.

Selecting a quote for this briefing was something I tried to get done very quickly so that I could begin making work fast. At first I thought of doing the following quote by Bill Hicks:

“The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.”

It’s very long, but I think it’s a very beautiful and well meaning piece of spoken word. Bill Hicks was a comedian-philosopher, and he was a very influential person in the formative years of my life from about 10 years old onwards. Definitely too young to be listening to Bill Hicks, but hey - his words really stuck with me and I think this quote is a very important one in my life.

I thought I could do something funny like this quote from Come Dine With Me:

Dear Lord, what a sad little life, Jane. You ruined my night, completely, so you could have the money, but I hope now you spend it on getting some lessons in grace and decorum because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on.

But ultimately, I didn’t have faith that I would really be able to get excited about it!

I finally settled for this quote by Robert Sapolsky, a human behavioural biologist:

I am not worried if scientists go and explain everything. This is for a very simple reason: an impala sprinting across the Savannah can be reduced to biomechanics, and Bach can be reduced to counterpoint, yet that does not decrease one iota our ability to shiver as we experience impalas leaping or Bach thundering. We can only gain and grow with each discovery that there is structure underlying the most accessible levels of things that fill us with awe. But there is an even stronger reason why I am not afraid that scientists will inadvertently go and explain everything--it will never happen. While in certain realms, it may prove to be the case that science can explain anything, it will never explain everything. As should be obvious after all these pages, as part of the scientific process, for every question answered, a dozen newer ones are generated. And they are usually far more puzzling, more challenging than than the prior problems. This was stated wonderfully in a quote by a geneticist named Haldane earlier in the century: "Life is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine." We will never have our flames extinguished by knowledge. The purpose of science is not to cure us of our sense of mystery and wonder, but to constantly reinvent and reinvigorate it.

It’s very long, so I chose from it the most effecting and important sentences, and I was left with the following.

I am not worried if scientists go and explain everything. It will never happen. It will never explain everything. As part of the scientific process, for every question answered, a dozen newer ones are generated. And they are usually far more puzzling, more challenging than than the prior problems. Life is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. We will never have our flames extinguished by knowledge. The purpose of science is not to cure us of our sense of mystery and wonder, but to constantly reinvent and reinvigorate it.

Robert Sapolsky lectures on human behaviour, taking information from many different scientific avenues, including biology, endocrinology, sociology, criminology, neuroscience, etc, to build a massive and complex picture of why it is humans behave the way we do, looking at our behaviour through multiple lenses and disciplines, and combining them in order to answer some of the biggest philosophical questions, including questions about free will, about love, about hatred and forgiveness and family.

He is one of the biggest influences on my outlook towards life and my trauma and mental health recovery, because not only are his teachings grounded in extremely interesting research and knowledge, but they are able to explain and open up discussions some of the most confusing and difficult parts of the human experience. Sex, love, violence, free will, tribalism, trauma, fear - Sapolsky tackles all of these terrifying and wonderful parts of our lives with such grace and poise and intelligence - his lectures have coloured my world with a newfound respect for myself and those around me.

He delivers this quote or similar at the end of one of his books and in his lecture series, to help clear up some of the biggest fears that people have of scientific knowledge, and it is a sentiment that I hold very dear to my heart. We should not fear advancement and knowledge. It can only enrich our lives, and a better understanding of myself as not just another person in society, but my very own series of complex and intricate biological mechanisms, has completely enriched my life.

I began by experimenting with very basic black and white type designs on Procreate on my iPad. I tend to jump straight into making before I do research, or much thinking at all, because it is often the case that I can come up with some very raw, messy, and interesting visual ideas. The first few attempts I have at a task like this can really inform where my project will go, what I would like to work on over the duration of the project, and what techniques will or won’t help me.

I often start projects in black and white because it is a very basic and simple building block foundation for the shapes in the work, and makes it so that more complex parts of a visual identity can be added later, giving me more time to think about colours and textures before going ahead with them.

I had fun warping text like this - it makes the writing mysterious and mostly illegible. It did not yet communicate effectively, however, and I had a talk with Sarah to better discuss where to go with this project.

Sarah told me to really think about WHO said the text, and WHY. To ask questions about WHAT I am trying to convey. How will I bring the message of the words to life? How can I use type to emphasise and better explain the language being spoken? How can I use typography as not just a fun image, but a visual tool to really hammer home the intent behind the words being spoken?

Sarah advised me to sketch out “how to quote acts”, how it moves and it feels. Also to question, how do I want people to react to this type?

With this higher level of specificity, I was able to think much more clearly about the task at hand. My plan now was to take certain important words from my quote, and do visual research surrounding them. To really give this project a microscopic view to begin with, I am going to focus on smaller fractions of the text, to begin to build up a catalogue of how those words really feel, act, and speak to a reader. I need to bring into question, how can I communicate better using type? How can I make somebody listen with my typography? How can I use my skillset as a designer to translate information into something visually consumable and interesting to look at?

Once I’ve done visual research and sketches focusing on the very zoomed in parts of this quote, I am going to try to visualise those in context of Sapolsky’s life and teachings. He started off his practice as a field scientist, living amongst primates, and studying their movements. He went on to combine this knowledge with laboratory work, studying hormones and neurodevelopment in rats and analysing other studies. He now, on top of all of this, lectures at Stanford, and has written multiple books on the subject of human and animal behaviour, for the casual reader and scientist alike.

How can I represent Sapolsky’s life with design? Can I start off the quote as rough and messy and dusty and animalistic, representing the time he spent amongst apes in the jungle - then developing it into something very neat, tidy and clinical like his lab studies are? Can I make 2 different designs to represent these, then overlay them? Use colours to represent the two different stages of his practice? Can I make this into a screenprint? A series of 2 or 3 posters?

Or could I make a typographic mural to go on the wall at Stanford or another institute of science? A series of posters? A small book or leaflet? An animation? Who am I aiming it at? Over the next few days I am going to collate visual research and express it as a series of typographic works.

#type and language #typography #agp500

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hamliet · 6 years

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In This Fading World: How Shipping Solves Everything (in TG)

aka hamliet’s ramblings about what the point of all the romance is in the manga

*before my inbox explodes, the title is facetious, please don’t send me hate*

I like ships. A lot. Usually I view them as fun for a series but only a few, if any, are like, central to the plot/themes. But in TG the romance is actually extremely relevant to the series’ themes, and despite the common assumption that TG isn’t a romance manga, it... kind of is in a lot of respects, because TG is about life, and what makes life worth it is connection, and all kinds of connections--family, friendship, and romance. (I might do other metas on the family and friendships in TG and how they convey certain themes too, just as powerfully as the romances, but this meta is specifically about romantic dynamics.)

TG honestly has a lot of romance (like the whole story started with a date) and is basically Ishida’s “shoujo with corpses.” Each canon/likely to be canon ship is at its core driven by loneliness answered with empathy, and each ship allegorizes the story’s main themes and the importance of solving the ghoul/human conflict the same way: through an alliance based in empathy and self-reflection.

NB: there are some dynamics I consider subtextually romantic in TG that I won’t get into here, like Hsaiko (though Saiko’s feelings are not clarified) but since Hsiao and Saiko don’t have proper arcs it’s a little harder to extrapolate on whether or not they’re conveying a theme at this point.

I’m also not saying anyone has to ship these ships, or not ship certain obsessive ones I discuss (I ship several of those ones!), just simply explaining what I think Ishida is doing with them/why he included this dynamic in the story.

Kuzen/Ukina, Kasuka/Kureo, Hikari/Arata: Tragedy and Repetition

I debated whether or not to include these but ultimately decided to because I think they best represent the world everyone needs to move away from.

Kasuka and Kureo and Hikari and Arata were both truly in love, yet Kasuka was killed in the conflict by Eto and Hikari by Arima--both of whom are children forced into this conflict from birth but who decided to create a new world. The people who want to create a new world literally kill Hikari and Kasuka, both of whom can’t escape the role they were cast into in the world. Kasuka has more choice as a human, but chooses to fight and dies for it, and Hikari was a “wild” ghoul in her youth and it eventually sent Arima after her even after she changed, because the old, tragic world is unforgiving. Both Kureo and Arata then lost themselves to grief and fought to protect what they had and were taken from their kids as a result.

And Ukina and Kuzen show us that a relationship between ghoul and human was not possible so long as people keep to the rules of the old world, yet also suggests what might be possible if they break them.

We don’t know Ukina’s motivations--Eto seems to think she was simply motivated by her story, though Kuzen’s claims about what Ukina said to him cast doubt on this.Ukina empathized, and that drew him to her. But in the end he couldn’t break free of the cycle, and killed her, though she empathized again... maybe.

But forgot her daughter, and Yoshimura too then abandoned Eto. You can’t nurture a new world if you abandon it no matter your motivations. All three of these love stories, however simple they are in the manga, are tragedies that the rest of our cast is trying to avoid.

Touken: Humanity and Ghoulhood

Ah, the main ship, and a parallel of all ships in TG because everyone is a parallel to Kaneki (I'm not kidding. Everyone is). We begin with Touka and Kaneki refusing to empathize with each other. Kaneki calls her a monster. Kaneki is the living embodiment at this point of how humanity views ghouls: he draws them as monsters, but then Kaneki becomes one (because the monsters in TG are not ghouls nor humans; they are everyone and no one at the same time).

She tells him to go to hell when he has the nerve to ask her for help without any semblance of empathy. Because how can humanity dare ask ghouls for anything after what they’ve put them through?

Kaneki fears violence, but Touka uses violence to cope with her trauma, symbolic of how ghouls are forced to used violence to survive.. Kaneki is terrified of being abandoned, but Kaneki abandons people when he grows to fear them leaving him. That’s what drives humanity in fearing ghouls: losing the people they love (and their own lives, of course). Touka and Kaneki then both inflict these traumas on each other.

And yet throughout part one, they rescue each other. Why? Because both of them can't stand to see the world the way it is, and in each Touka refuses to accept that she couldn't do anything about Ryouko's death and turns into a murderer, in the process revealing to Kaneki just how little she values her life.

But Kaneki tells her even if she doesn't value her life, he does. And he helps her, even though he thinks it's wrong, because he empathizes. And when Kaneki can't let Nishiki and Kimi die, Touka shows up to help. But they can't be together in this terrible world. Like Ukina and Kuzen, they're separated by the selfishness of humans and ghouls and the entire conflict, a conflict that makes strength the only way to survive. They both just want to be with the people they love, because they’re scared of being alone. And Touka sees Kaneki's pain. She calls him on it, because she feels the same way, but she does it in the wrong way, and regrets it. Which is why it's so important when they reunite and she calls him on it again, but doesn't push him or force him.

It's also important that it was on Kaneki to come back and not on Touka to go to him. As a human (sort of) he's on the privileged side, and it's more on humans to make amends at this point because they're oppressing ghouls instead of seeking to talk to them. Kaneki can't ignore ghouls for humans (Haise) or humans for ghouls (OEKneki).

And when Kaneki and Touka get together, it's not perfect. Their relationship has codependent elements and they have communication issues because they are still both afraid of losing each other, of being alone. The human/ghoul alliance also has major communication issues and humans like Kaneki are still struggling to realize they aren’t better.

Touka doesn't want to lose Kaneki: hence, why she tells him she’s pregnant and doesn’t go to save Yoriko. Kaneki knows who she is; Yoriko doesn’t, because Touka’s afraid of being known just the same as Kaneki is.

And Kaneki doesn't want to lose Touka.

But Touka needs to learn to hold on a bit more now, because unlike before when Kaneki was Haise, this time he's married her. They've committed. And she does, digging him out. A ghoul saves Tokyo.

However, now that they’re reunited, they've got to communicate better, and trust each other more. They're having a baby. A life, as Yomo says, that gives him hope for the world. That's why we saw the fetus panel in 160.

If Kaneki died, there would be no future. If humanity dies, there is no future for ghouls, and same for ghouls with humans.

The baby represents new life (since the main theme is live, life=hope) directly from an alliance between ghoul and human (a marriage). But the baby who is both human and ghoul represents the fact that they have to overcome it, that they have a chance to break out of the cycle their parents perpetuated and that the word perpetuated. As the alliance overcomes their issues, so will Touken, I believe.

Akiramon and Seiaki: Justice and Sacrifice

To start with, it's impossible to discuss Akira and Amon’s relationship without Takizawa since he's an integral part of their relationship, and it’s impossible to discuss Seiaki without Amon, so I’m discussing them together. Through Akira and Amon, we see the CCG's two main sources of existence: traumatized orphans seeking to escape their legacies (Amon) and people seeking to honor their legacies (Akira). And then we have someone like Takizawa, who like Ui is neither and therefore an outlier of sorts, and hence is the one best able to have an honest perspective on the situation: it’s why he’s the most self-aware of the trio, though he has his own flaws.

Akira and Amon are both searching for justice, and specifically for answers. Takizawa from the beginning is a very stereotypical businessman, less about the noble aspects of the CCG. That’s why he’s the one who breaks down when facing the Owl Suppression Operation. He sees it for what it is and he doesn’t want to die.

Akira, in contrast, and Amon both believe the answer is to wipe out ghouls and therefore right the twisted world. Their idea of justice is black and white; there's right and wrong, and they want desperately to be on the right side of it. So they don't consider their place or role in the world. They are like Kaneki before the Steel Beam Incident, content to consider themselves separate from ghouls, yet unlike Kaneki they both choose to be a part of the conflict.

We also see the idea of sacrifice as it ties into justice in their relationship, and with their relationship with Seidou. Seidou is willing to sacrifice himself to save Amon--for Akira. Except both he and Amon wind up captured and tortured, and Akira believes them dead, and winds up alone. And then Akira sacrifices herself for Seidou, and Amon sacrifices himself for both of them, and Seidou sacrifices himself for both of them.

It's. A sacrificial cycle lol. But Amon himself said what he thought of redemptive death, because really they are all seeking redemption--Akira for not stopping Seidou, Seidou for what he did as a ghoul, Amon for Donato: it's trash.

Sacrifice is not justice. Justice is not served by looking outwards; it's served by looking at yourself.

Their refusal to consider themselves as part of the problem is brought to the forefront when Touka talks to Akira and makes her hug it out with Hinami. The thing is, I don't like this scene in many ways because I think it was disrespectful to Hinami, but like all things in TG it's gray, so there is good in it too, and basically it's that Touka was asking Akira to see herself in Hinami. The need to examine yourself is also tied to empathy, because it asks you to step into someone else's shoes and see yourself there. An orphan who just wanted her parents, like Touka, like Amon. What is justice, then, if it just leaves hurting children, no matter what they are? As Akira says, whom should I be hating, then?

Akira and Amon both struggle with this, and they see that in each other and know that the other one understands this struggle. They empathize with each other, standing by each other’s side.

It's convenient that Akira and Amon then get to disappear from the narrative while Touka and Kaneki get hunted by the CCG, because they've always represented the human privilege in parallel to the ghoul symbol of Touken. But everyone who's been ignoring the ghoul problem--like, everyone in Tokyo--is then called on it by Dragon, and they have to go back to the CCG and face what they tried to ignore. The fact that they forgot what justice was.

And again, it's gray, because it can also be seen as them returning to cling to their past safety, but Donato sees that that is shattered. And Amon faces him, and needs to realize that it's not the answer he's been seeking--no matter what his past is, he is the one who needs to examine himself to create justice. He needs to be honest with himself. And Akira needs to be honest with herself, and that includes taking this advice from Touka here:

And give those quinques back to Hinami, to allow her to mourn for her father as Akira mourns for hers.

Ayahina: Child Soldiers and Traumatized Orphans

Ah, our sweet lost children. One of TG's main themes has always been how children suffer the most in any conflict. We see that through how almost every child in the series pays for their parents' mistakes (Kaneki's mom taking out her anguish on him, Eto's abandonment, etc.), the Sunlit Garden, the Oggai. And then we have two sets of parents who love their kids: the Fueguchis and the Kirishimas, but neither are allowed to raise their children because the CCG hunts them down and murders/captures them. Both Ryouko and Hikari sacrifice themselves for their children.

Both Ayato and Hinami are traumatized orphans and child soldiers, but Hinami is initially presented as the former more so than the latter, and vice versa for Ayato. Hinami and Ayato both foil Touka in how they cope with trauma--Hinami grieves, but she isn’t allowed to grieve properly; Ayato is angry right from the beginning because no one allows him to grieve. Eventually both take a similar path in joining Aogiri both with the intentions of protecting the people they love. And it’s no coincidence the entire conflict is run on a diet of child soldiers in the Sunlit Garden. The conflict depends on hurting orphans like the Yasuhisas and Amon to populate the CCG and the soldiers created in the Sunlit Garden. And by creating orphans on the other (ghoul) side, they fuel the conflict on the other side as well, driving Hinami to join Aogiri as well as Ayato.

But the conflict doesn’t have to continue, as Ayato and Hinami’s relationship shows us. They both did terrible things as members of Aogiri, as it’s a terrorist organization after all, but they found a way out, and it wasn’t through learning to protect everyone and it wasn’t through fighting on their strength. It was through empathizing with each other.

Instead of fearing him as her superior, Hinami sees him for more than just a soldier. She sees him as someone with a sister (whom he’s desperately trying to protect in his own edgelord way). And so Ayato, who’s largely isolated himself from people who care about him, grows to empathize with her as well. They express the emotions the other cannot.

How can the world answer the wrong it’s done both of them? It can’t, not really. But they can find a way to live with each other.

The answer isn’t in Hinami hugging the daughter of her parents’ murderer; it’s in allowing her to mourn, and in empathizing with her loneliness. Which Ayato understands. He can’t fix her problems, he can’t fix what’s going on with Akira, but he can be there for her because he understands her pain. Even if the world never figures it out, they will have each other, and they can have hope in that.

However, that’s not enough, because the world keeps interfering in Hinami and Ayato’s relationship. Hinami almost dies sacrificing herself for other children against other children.

Because the cycle is going to repeat and repeat and repeat until someone says No. That’s why while Kaneki’s return was Bad for his personal development, it was good thematically, because someone was saying no to this child dying. That’s why Ayato is not going to get to sacrifice himself fighting kagune gremlins, either.

They find hope and comfort through their empathy for each other, but the world needs to be fixed in order for Hinami and Ayato to find peace.

Mutsurie: Duty and Compassion

Now let me talk about my favorite ship, Mutsurie. It parallels Touken ('I don't care if you die' instead of 'I don't want you to die' lol) and Ayahina ('let's go home' and plans to save bae from death in Cochlea/Rushima) explicitly in terms of structure, but also brings elements of Akiramon and Ayahina's themes. Mutsuki is a traumatized, exploited child turned into a child soldier like Amon, Ayato, and Hinami. Urie has a CCG legacy like Akira and prioritizes his job above anyone around him, shutting himself off and becoming cold. The first notion we have of what Urie thinks of Mutsuki is this:

A hypocrite. Worthless. Because that's what the CCG thinks of Mutsuki as well, as we see when Matsuri then orders Mutsuki to go on a death mission and Tokage warns Sasaki about him. Mutsuki is worthless, because he has mental health problems and because he is physically weak. The irony is Urie is projecting onto Mutsuki his worst fear about himself: that he is worthless, not enough for his father to come home to.

That he is a hypocrite, because deep down he knows none of this CCG promotion strength stuff will make him happy. But Urie refuses to acknowledge this and projects it onto Mutsuki and Shirazu.

But the ship all starts in chapter 29. That's where Urie fails. He's following exactly what Matsuri wanted him to do, and he gets in huge trouble because he simply isn't strong enough. He loses control, and he lashes out at Mutsuki, at the CCG's weak reality. But instead of lashing out back at him, even though Urie endangered him for selfish gain, even though Urie hurt him by punching through Mutsuki's stomach, Mutsuki reaches for him. Mutsuki tells him he is not alone. Mutsuki empathizes, the thing Urie refused to do with Mutsuki earlier though he knew inside that they were the same.

And that's the answer for the entire series, isn't it? Empathy. It's not perfect--Mutsuki is behaving like an abuse victim in many respects because he wants the pain to stop, but the thing is, Urie does stop. Urie does change in how he treats Mutsuki from there on out, going to protect him from Hakatori, worrying about him on Rushima, etc.

Mutsuki does not want revenge on Urie for punching him because he understands him--in Urie's pain, he sees his own, and that's the answer for humans and ghouls and their personal relationships between each other as well. For example, if we get a Mutsuki-Touka talk, it'd probably be similar in that Mutsuki and Touka both fear abandonment, and can understand that in each other.

Later on, Mutsuki and Urie reverse their arcs just like how Kaneki clung to strength at the end of the first TG like Touka did at the beginning.. Mutsuki clings to the CCG, but his trauma is only growing worse the stronger he gets in the CCG. To the point where the difference between himself and a ghoul is no longer evident, even in what he eats.

And the more Urie's trauma with his father repeats, the more unable to succeed he becomes: at work, and in everything. Symbolically, Mutsuki and Urie embody the alliance as well. The alliance is bound to an extent by ignoring wrongs, and there is good and bad in there. Urie blinds himself to Mutsuki's faults (like Mutsuki didn't acknowledge what Urie had done to him) and that leads to their issues boiling up and boiling over because issues have to be addressed, not swept under the rug. But what made the difference for Urie initially was that he took the lesson, and changed. Mutsuki is now showing that he, too, has changed. And that's what the CCG needs to do: change. Accept that they hurt ghouls, and ghouls need to do likewise, and change. But no change comes unless there is empathy.

Mutsurie having a proper resolution would include a conversation, and also leaving the CCG I believe since the CCG is limiting Urie's growth. They both need to leave in order to heal like the traumatized children they are.

Nishikimi: Desperation and a Holdfast

Nishiki and Kimi were introduced together and have always really shared an arc. Their entire relationship is blatantly about loneliness and empathy.

It's interesting to me how they go to such opposite, and both wrong, extremes post Anteiku Raid. Nishiki dumps Kimi, ostensibly to protect her, but when he hears she's working with Kanou he decides to search for her. Dude, you shouldn't have waited. If you wanted to be with her, regardless of the dangers, that was her decision to make, not yours for her. And Kimi goes too far in the other direction, committing atrocities for the sake of creating a world where she can live with Nishiki. They are both desperate people, as we see from their introduction:

The only thing they've had to cling to is the other, and that the other understands their loneliness. Kimi’s attempts to fix the world have brought more loneliness and pain into it, and exploited the loneliness of the Oggai orphans like Hajime. Nishiki’s attempts to avoid the conflict brought more loneliness to Kimi, driving her to do what she did.

Maybe working together, they can make a better world.

Yoriomi: Ignorance and Memories

I’ve jokingly called this a plot device more than a ship before but @aspoonofsugar wrote a great analysis of how Yoriko and Takeomi’s relationship contrasts Mutsurie, Touken, Akiramon, and Ayahina here. It is symbolic of how humans have a relatively easy time fitting in in society, in contrast to Kaneki and Touka, and also Urie and Mutsuki, even in terms of gender roles.

But like the entirety of Tokyo ignored the ghoul problem until Dragon erupted from below them, Yoriko and Takeomi’s relationship is not perfect and is founded in memories (childhood classmates) and what’s expected of them. They can’t escape the conflict, though, because Takeomi is a voluntary part of the CCG and even though Urie hates them for the fact that Takeomi’s father is still alive and he seemingly has it all as the perfect human, consequences start to hit Yoriko and Takeomi. Yoriko’s friendship gets her arrested and sentenced to die, and Takeomi loses his father.

Neither of them are major characters, and that’s why I find Mutsuki’s jealousy of Touka (that he projects onto Yoriko) and Urie’s jealousy of Takeomi a more interesting way of looking at their relationship. Yoriko even realizes how little she empathized with her friend, not realizing she was a ghoul, and empathizes now when she can’t even see Touka:

Takeomi still does not get it. He doesn’t understand Urie hated him for years, and to an extent, that belief in his friends parallels him to Yoriko, but it’s ignorance. He doesn’t get he helped create the culture that sentenced Yoriko to death. But he does do the right thing and springs her from prison, but returns to the CCG to fight. In the end, I would like Takeomi to empathize with Urie since they’ve both lost their fathers now and he can now understand the loneliness eating Urie, and I’d like him to empathize even with Urie’s love for Mutsuki because he’s going to have to face Yoriko’s platonic love for Touka soon. Now Takeomi will have to face someone who’s personally hurt him/tried to take away people he loved, and I hope he gives Urie encouragement even if he doesn’t ever forgive Mutsuki.

Utaren: Hope and Despair

Uta and Yomo's relationship is subtextual but it's definitely there so I'm including it 'cause I can. Their relationship was first categorized by anger and by a desire to be strong with each other. Firstly they used their strengths to fight each other, then united them in the hopes of taking down Arima for Renji's sake, and then Yomo left when his strength got him almost killed by Arima. The fact that they were equal in strength is not to be dismissed; it’s symbolic of how they see themselves in each other, of how they can relate.

But they also suffer from terrible communication issues, and Yomo isn’t able to understand Uta beyond the physical strength aspect. Uta didn't understand Yomo’s hope, how the world could be different, partially because Yomo completely failed to communicate to both Uta and Itori what it was about Anteiku, about ghouls and humans--and I think the reason for Yomo’s failed communication is because he was still clinging to the idea of living while losing. If Yomo can only find hope through watching others' happiness (Touken) then Uta can only find it when watching others' despair.

But don't they both deserve some happiness themselves? Yomo doesn't understand Uta, but he wants to live with him anyways. He wants to connect, because that makes them feel alive. I have hope they will learn to empathize with each other. Even if you can’t understand, living with each other, perhaps you can connect, perhaps that initial spark of empathy through even just physical strength can grow.

After all, they’ve saved each other.

Yomo was wrong, as he says now. There are things worth holding into, and he's starting to learn that. And Uta was wrong. He can't not live with Yomo and not live without him. He has to live with him. He couldn't, after all, let Yomo die, no matter how fun it might have been, and yet Yomo counters his exact worldview that life is despair. Like Nishikimi, they offer each other something to hold onto, and slowly, I would hope, that would mean branching out to get to connect with others as well.

Uihai: Lies and Comfort

Ui loves Hairu, but she's a mirage--or is she? Her personality is entirely hers, as far as we know. But she represents the Sunlit Garden, being the first character to introduce it to us. And Ui, being Ui (an Amon and Urie foil) is so focused on The Mission and justice it disrupts him showing his feelings to her, and his actions and assignments lead to her death.

Good job Ui. -__- And Hairu is the opposite. Her desperate desire for love and praise is what drives her to get herself killed:

Of course Hairu didn’t know Ui cared about her, and she was appreciated. Why would she? Ui never told her. And the thing about Ui is that after her death, he’s been unable to break out of his own pride, which keeps him trapped in loneliness. We see it here, when he cries:

Hairu is less of a lie than Ui is. Having people around convinced him that everything was fine, that he didn’t need to examine himself, but when they’re stripped away, he loses himself.

He sees no need for justice when he might just be able to get Hairu back, because he misses her, he misses closeness, because that’s what Ui craves. He doesn’t want to be known because like Kaneki, Amon, and more he uses the idea of being Just to justify the fact that he exists and deserves to be known, and yet paradoxically all he wants is for someone to be with him, for comfort.

Ui’s slowly starting to learn that justice may not quite be what he thought, but I’m not sure he entirely gets it.

Is she still Hairu to Ui, if she's only half-human, if he’s faced with the fact that justice was all a lie and he was never just? That's the question the manga still has to answer. He can’t truly empathize with her until he knows who she truly is, until he knows what the CCG is. That’s why it would make so much symbolic sense for Hairu to be ET, for Ui to realize that he was not fighting against the “other” of ghouls the entire time: he was fighting against people worthy of love. He was fighting against himself. And Hairu who was always fighting against her own kind, what with her virulent hatred of ghouls:

...despite being a ghoul herself--well, it’d be fitting for her to be turned into the very Beast she comforted Ui after his fight with in the first manga.

And that’s why I would like to see a moment for Uihai in that, wherein Hairu sees she is loved, and Ui sees that he is accepted even by a half-human he fought against.

Nakimiza: Nostalgia and Freedom

Nakimiza is a ship I’m still bitter about how it ended so bear with me. The themes of nostalgia and freedom from that nostalgia are Everywhere in the manga. Like, everywhere. Nostalgia is understood, but dangerous, and clinging to it prevents the conflict from ever being solved.

Naki is a very caring individual, but he doesn’t seem to get how much Miza cares about him, because he’s focused on Yamori, even when he’s saving her.

They’re both leaders of various ghoul gangs, and they care about each other and understand each other (at least, Miza understands him), and Miza expressly has feelings for him. But Naki never gets to overcome his nostalgia. It kills him instead. It kills him, ironically, as he’s idolizing Yamori, despite the fact that he’s fighting to save the Aogiri kids:

When Yamori killed an Aogiri child. But Miza after his death shows that she wants to move on from nostalgia, that she still can continue:

That’s why I think Miza will find happiness, but I’m still heartbroken.

Shuuneki, Tsukikana, Hairima, and Mutsuneki: Obsession and Mirages

And now, let’s discuss the ships that also are one-sided canon, but that I think unlike the other ships listed above, do not balance each other out and were obsessions because they focus more on an idea of who the person is, on what the person represents to them, rather than whom the person actually is (there’s definitely idolizing going on in every single ship I discussed above too, but I think these ships are more… it was not going to work out, let’s just say that).

What do all these ships have in common? They’re one-sided and extremely unhealthy, and you could add Hinakane to it too because though I don’t think that one has a romantic element to it there’s still something not healthy there.

For Karren, Hairu, and Mutsuki, the reason they loved their respective crushes was because, well, they showed them the kindness as a child no one else did. (Kaneki called the Qs his kids; it counts.)

Rather than true empathy, there’s idolization and an encouragement of bad behaviors thanks to a lack of equal connection and communication, amplified by a power dynamic that sets these ships apart from the other ships even if the previously discussed ships have at times encouraged each other’s flaws too. Hairu aspires to be like Arima, her mentor and very likely her relative--by killing and is killed for it. Shuu is a master to Karren, and she dies serving him--though beautifully, he empathizes with her in the end and shows he values her life.

Kaneki is a king and a boss to Shuu, and he’s forgotten his family following him--though I do believe Shuu’s love of Kaneki is moving in a more healthy direction having planned Touken’s wedding for them, as he’s no longer desperate to keep Kaneki all to himself--but while it was romantic it was completely unhealthy.

Kaneki is a father to Mutsuki, and Mutsuki became like him in abandoning the Qs pursuing him.

(Notably other ships like Uihai and Ayahina wherein Ui and Ayato were respectively above Hairu and Hinami in work, the power difference is not present, which we see in how Ui allows Hairu to call him Koori and Ayato and Hinami are equals in every sense.)

So what’s Ishida saying with this? The human-ghoul conflict is not ever going to be solved by people staying in their lane, nor is it going to be solved by people idolizing the other (and we see a lot of humans wishing they had the strength of ghouls and ghouls wishing they had that privileges of humans) or sweeping issues under the bridge. You can’t write the wrongs of the past if, like Kaneki, you fail to communicate to your children, or if you are too afraid to directly counter the system like Arima, or if like Shuu you pretend it never happened. The reason these obsessions all lead to death and destruction is because of this lack of communication. Connecting is vital to creating a new world.

Fururize: Obsession and Control

Ah, the Disaster Ship that started this whole manga. But it parallels all these other ships, too. It’s obsessive, so it parallels the unhealthy one-sided ones I mentioned, but it also foils the canon/likely-to-be-canon ones even though Fururize won’t ever be canon except one-sided. The reasons why Furuta and Rize have thus far not had a chance at happiness is because neither of them is capable of empathizing.

And how could they? As Rize says, as Furuta says, they were created to be used, and unlike Hairu, never had a chance. It’s really not surprising Rize uses Furuta to escape. She’d only seen people be created to be used as breeders or as soldiers.

Furuta then uses everyone around him. He tells Kaneki he was just a pawn in his game. Even Rize doesn’t show much care for Shachi despite the fact that he loves her and is a Good Dad, and it’s Shachi’s love for Rize that gives me a smidgeon of hope for her, because Shachi is honestly the best dad in the series and that should be rewarded, I would hope.

Rize uses pleasure to distract herself from ever feeling lonely, and whether she does or not, we don’t know. But we know Furuta feels lonely. He’s consumed by it, by how alone he’s been since his birth.

Eto points out he doesn’t get to call his father, father. He’s furious that Rize can be with other people instead of wanting to be with him. He’s destroying himself with his own loneliness (like Kaneki), and the world around him (unlike Kaneki), because he’s so lonely, and can’t empathize.

That’s why, before the ending, I really, really, really want to see Kaneki show Furuta some compassion, and think it would be fitting for both their arcs.

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pcnnydime · 5 years

Text

I’m Leaving Tumblr.

Dramatic? Probably, but it’s come to my attention (again, and again, and again) that a great number of people feel uncomfortable in my presence, so I’d rather the title sum up the post. You can read this and try to see things from my point of view, or you can move on with your lives. Either way, I hope this doesn’t cause much drama for anyone not involved, and I hope everyone regardless of involvement has a good day/night.

First, I apologize if this post seems robotic, but after countless anxiety attacks , multiple lost friends, and a few instances of self harm due to everything that’s been happening around me, I find myself lacking the emotional energy to put more ‘pep’ or ‘enthusiasm’ into this post. I’ve been on Tumblr since Red Thread was at its peak, however many years that may have been, and roleplaying, meeting people here, and developing characters that mean the world to me has helped me grow as a person. It brought me out of a near 2 year long depression that included an extremely abusive relationship, being left behind by all my close local friends, and a failed suicide attempt. Writing on tumblr introduced me to my best friend, many dear friends, and my current romantic partner. It’s seen me through a really tough job, two cross-country moves, and some of my worst and lowest points. But with the word ‘racist’ following me at every turn, I no longer feel welcome or supported by what was once my favorite hobby and best coping mechanism.

The reason being labelled a racist has effected me so deeply is because I come from a multi-racial home. I am half Puerto Rican, one quarter African American, and one quarter white. I have tan skin, very hispanic features, and very curly, thick hair with dark brown eyes. I don’t look white. I grew up in a rural area where I was one of very few people of color in BOTH of the schools I attended, and I’ve never lived in very diverse areas in all my 21 years. I don’t believe I was treated any differently because of it, I never had any race-specific issues in my childhood, and I’m very lucky because of that. Sure, I’ve had a few ‘playful nicknames’ but nothing that ever hurt me as much as being bullied about my height, weight, or chest size.

My Grandmother is white and my Grandfather is black - they got together in the 60′s and dealt with a great deal of prejudice and hardship due to being an interracial couple. They and my mother raised me to look past what people look like on the outside - weight, height, gender, age, race, religion - they believe, and I believe that it shouldn’t matter. People should be judged and valued or ignored based upon their personalities. In a near-perfect society, that’s how everyone would feel, but ours is far from perfect. People of color are faced with violence, hate, and even murder on a daily basis all over the world - not just in America - and by no means has it ever been my intent to diminish that, I simply am deterred by conflict because it hurts me to see.

Now that I’ve described myself, the way I’ve been affected, and my views on race and in/equality, I will explain my experience as a “racist”. For months, I’ve been blocked, shunned, and ignored due to this. I spent MONTHS not knowing why people were blocking me, why all of a sudden people I had been writing with and even admired for their graphic and literary skill were suddenly ignoring me and treating me like I was less than a stranger.

Because no one told me.

Not until sometime around perhaps September or October, when someone was finally kind and considerate enough to step out of their comfort zone and inform me that I’d made a comment about Black Panther without thinking about my wording. On Twitter, I said something to the effect of ‘Black Panther has too much black power for me’, something along those lines. What I should have said was: Black Panther was a good movie, and I liked Killmonger as an antagonist until he began building a highly advanced army of thousands of near-superpowered warriors and devastating militaristic technology to declare war on what was clearly intended to be Caucasians as a race. At that point, I became uncomfortable because racial war of any kind isn’t something I would have paid money to see in a theatre, had I known it was going to be included. But I didn’t say that because twitter has a character limit, and I didn’t think anyone wanted to read an entire thread of my review of what was, all in all, an excellent movie.

Another individual recently followed suit and gave me a few more examples of why people believe I’m racist and discriminatory.

1. I’ve used the “n” word on multiple occasions. This is not true. I am incredibly uncomfortable around the use of that word, in any form, even it’s reclaimed version. I don’t like it. I don’t know where or when I would have used it before, but even as someone who is African-American and has multiple African-American family members who say it ‘affectionately’ to refer to each other, I have not EVER said that word. Not as a joke, and certainly not as an insult.

2. I hold people who speak English as a secondary, third, or otherwise language to a higher standard than those who do not.

No. If anything, it’s the opposite. I strongly admire and respect anyone who speaks more than one language, as someone who only speaks English and very broken Spanish. I formerly had an RP partner whose first language is Spanish, and is very proud of their heritage. My father, who I’m no longer in contact with due to estrangement and abandonment, primarily speaks Spanish and I had no quarrel with him because of that. Some contradictory things you may have read can be found here and here. These are screenshots from the rules page on an old blog of mine that I would rather not explicitly name, for the sake of privacy for people who used to interact with me. In these screenshots, I say “[Does] Understand that English is not everyone’s first language. It’s okay if you have some errors with grammar or spelling, as long as you’re making the best effort that you can.” perhaps that can come off as me saying ‘you have to try really hard if you want to write with me’, but in fact, it just meant that I wanted some manner of effort to be present. I.E., if I write 2 paragraphs, at least write one in response, rather than a single sentence. Could I have worded that better? Absolutely. But since realizing that can be perceived incorrectly, I removed it from my rules page entirely to avoid offending anyone.

In the other screenshot, I mention not tolerating anyone who is ‘cis or heterophobic’. This ties back into my ideal of not seeing people for who they are on the outside, but rather, who they are on the inside. I’ve had great friendships with people who were either cisgendered, heterosexual, or both, and it upsets me to see all the jokes about ‘down with cishets’ and the hate that the LGBT+ community sends their way. I understand that being a ‘cishet’ doesn’t put them in any ‘legitimate’ danger like being LGBT+ does, but it doesn’t feel good to be judged for being LGBT+, so it doesn’t seem right to judge ANYONE based on sexuality or gender without personal experience. If someone has been repeatedly hurt, offended, or otherwise wronged by individuals of those designation, I understand, but mob mentalities frighten me.

I’ve apologized for these accusations, and explained my reasoning and my ‘side’ behind them, and there’s one last thing I’d like to address. My being perceived as acting like a victim. This, I can’t contest. Perhaps I have been overly dramatic over this hole thing. Roleplay is a hobby, at the end of the day, and while it may not be a great one, I do have a life outside of Tumblr and Twitter. What I don’t have, however, is friends. My only friends are miles and miles away, and they’re few and far between. The ones I did have began telling me I was a racist, to me, seemingly out of nowhere. I had no clue when these things began to spread because again, I wasn’t confronted. I’ve lost two people I consider to be good friends, and I’ve been doing my best to keep to myself ever since. I stopped reaching out, out of fear that people would find me obnoxious or abrasive, not knowing how far my reputation had spread. The absolute last thing I wanted was to hurt anyone, so when I vented to my friends I asked them not to make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want them with the label as well. I didn’t want to see them ostracized, or to be the reason they lost a hobby they enjoyed. When one of them went against my wishes and said something on their blog, it was deemed ‘public drama that didn’t belong on the dash’ and I was TERRIFIED that they would end up losing the chance to interact with others. Thankfully they didn’t, but that’s the example I have. No, something like that didn’t necessarily belong on the dash, but they were simply trying to look out for me while watching me have an anxiety attack and contemplate dropping all of my muses and completely deleting all social media. I’ve moved twitters multiple times due to trust issues this whole ordeal has caused for my own mental health. I’ve hidden behind locked accounts because the thought of people who are triggered by public drama having to see something of this scale was at the forefront of my mind. In short, if it seemed as though I was playing the part of a victim, it’s because I have, for months, been confused and hurt without understanding what was going on. When I tried to move past it and remedy my mistakes, I was pushed away and hurt even more by people I called friends.

To sum the entirety of this long post up, I’m upset. Far more upset than perhaps I’ve conveyed here, because I’m doing my best to remain logical and fair. I understand why anyone who has heard these things about me would block me and would want to avoid contact - I wouldn’t want to interact with a racist either. But I’m not a racist. I’m not judgemental. I’m open-minded to a fault, it seems, and my ideal of perfect equality is unrealistic in the world we live in full of murder and segregation. If anyone would like to talk to me in more detail about anything they’ve read here, they may do so at my open twitter which is solely for responding to inquiries about my reputation, my tumblr blog here, which will no longer be active, or my personal discord, which is mad dog!#6346 .

There are likely many issues I forgot to address, or simply don’t know about, but I’d like to thank anyone who read this far. Your attention means more to me than I can express.

#racism tw #segregation tw #murder tw #prejudice tw #self harm tw #suicide mention tw #attempted suicide mention #suicide tw #homophobia mention #war tw #anxiety tw #anxiety attack tw #n word mention #n word tw #anxiety mention #supremacy tw

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extrology · 6 years

Text

Get to Know Yixing (Lay)

(7 October 1991, Changsha (Hunan))

Our precious Libra prince♕

I’ve never seen a more libra person, almost all of the sign’s qualities apply to him. And if you ever have to give a Libra example just say Yixing without a doubt.

Okay, he might not express all these amazing libra qualities on screen as he (the same as Jongdae) doesn’t have too good television placements but trust me, irl he’s the most lovable person.

A few key libra qualities:

beautiful communication

real charmer with words

the sign of fairness and justice

Now let’s get into more details with Libra Sun, Moon, Mercury & Mars (Ego, Feelings, Brain, Communication and Energy/Aggression ) Everything mixed and matched for a more organized read

libra gives him an expensive taste be it art, food, clothing or about anything literally

a very diplomatic nature, a natural conflict solver and strives to maintain peace in his daily life

all aspects in life must be in harmony

gets along with absolutely everyone

that usually compromises his personality as he tries too hard to keep the peace and everybody happy

tries to understand other person’s point of view, often compromising, at his cost, to keep relationship happy

quite ambitious (but doesn’t like to show it)

a real charmer when he wants to be

libras are the funniest and most likeable people and he’s straight up a libra prince

usually well-liked by friends, loves to socialize

loyal and truly interested in your life~

does well in situations where surrounded by admirers

may be passive-aggressive, instead of being openly upset or mean

you usually don’t even realize when he’s mad at you, but his anger is terrifying so watch your back

gets stressed out by the tinniest little shits... like ugh

if he messes up, pls don’t point it out, he’s already beating himself over it

needs motivation, does best when paired w/ someone they admire

even though he may act spontaneous, he spends a great deal of time formulating his thoughts and opinions

also tends to keep his thoughts and worries to himself and not to tell others

which often results into increased anxiety and being misunderstood

happiest when in relationship and is especially sensitive to his lover’s needs

rudeness, violence and conflict drives this man crazy

will most likely get triggered by injustice and unfair behavior

likes arts, enjoys literature

culture and intelligent people are very important to him

he really likes women and is so romantic that often comes off as sentimental

probably has a great network of people as he’s talented at bringing people together

detail oriented and a dedicated planner

works hard but dislikes dirty work, prefers giving out orders

procrastinator

likes to have his way and will accomplish his goals with the support of others

can change his personality to fit who he’s spending time with, this makes others feel comfortable around him

will never try to force it and try to prove something

despite a lot of positive traits libra people tend to be quite flighty, shallow and flirtatious

rather indecisive and change their opinions every other day

lacks spine, is timid and too easy going to stand up for himself

often anxious, very high expectations on himself, critical thinking

this guy must work on his self-worth, he just puts too much focus on others and is too picky and hard on himself ;-; pls love him

often uncertain, doesn’t adapt very fast

must weight each side of the decision over and over even if he’s just trying to decide what to have for breakfast

this lack of decisiveness makes him miss some opportunities

moods change constantly yet manages to stay even-tempered throughout all that (usually cheerful and positive)

you’re basically his decision-maker

but if he feels like he doesn’t like your opinion will try to manipulate you into changing it (ofc you won’t notice with his libra sweet-talking and tact)

and after he’s FINALLY made up his mind becomes extremely single-minded

just don’t point out his physical flaws pls

really dislikes being alone

hates being alone SO much that would take somebody with him even for the little trip to the shop around the corner

he kind of expects his partner to read his mind about what he likes/needs

will hold a grudge if the need won’t be met

can be a bit forgetful

Now about his tiny virgo moon part, as his moon is on a cusp between virgo and libra

it would make it kind of hard for him to receive love as he feels like he doesn’t deserve it

even less likely to show his feelings (he already has such a hard time with them)

it also makes him a bit more down-to-earth

appears more logical/mental than emotional

even bigger perfection seeker and never-good-enough-for-himself

Bonus:

People with a lot of earth placements (including Yixing) tend to be great dancers

Mars in 2nd house usually makes one protective of his possessions. May come across as selfish or stingy. (I doubt he ever shares his clothes or any of his belongings, well at least he doesn’t want to)

as he has very strong air placements that’s a red flag that the person wears masks in public

Venus conjunction with Jupiter blesses with great beauty and wealth

now one of the biggest problems I see is lack of water in his chart

so even though he’s sociable and is all about others as a libra dominant

he doesn’t seem to have satisfying relationships with others and doesn’t really understand why

he just doesn’t know how to convey his emotions and finds it extremely difficult to feel genuine sympathy for others

that’s why he might come off as fake but trust me, he just isn’t very in touch with his feelings and prefers to listen to his justice seeking libra brain

lacks “tv star” placements (just like Jongdae) so is not as noticeable and attention seeking on screen

he actually is extremely creative!

the softest and most talkative member in exo FOR SURE

he could literally talk for days

This guy is your typical social butterfly

[Masterlist]

#yixing #lay #exo astrology #exo texts #exo #exo m #exo ot9 #exo zodiac #my after effects trial ended ;-;#rip gifs #was fun #exo lay

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kerosene-insomniac · 3 years

Text

To Be So Lonely

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Midoriya Izuku

Warnings: Violence, mature language, homosexual behavior, alpha/beta/omega dynamics

Word Count for Chapter: 2,342 words

Now, Katsuki is 25-years-old and the professional heavyweight champion.

In a whirlwind of events, Katsuki meets Izuku in the unlikeliest of places. He watches the small omega perform and can’t help it feel extremely protective and absolutely enamored with him. The older alpha gets to meet him and say goodbye without even learning the omega’s name. Katsuki isn’t sure that they’ll ever meet again.

That is, until Katsuki officially meets Izuku at a professional lunch with his manager’s rival.

{OR}

The one where Katsuki is a professional alpha boxer with arrogance issues and Izuku is a stubborn omega that’s way little too reckless with his well-being.

With a wacky cast of characters (including three idiots, a manly best friend, a traumatized bastard with daddy-issues, and many more) absolutely hell-bent on getting them together, neither men can seem to catch a break

{0.4} Ignorance and Cowardice

“Be careful not to mistake insecurity and inadequacy for humility! Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate! Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!”

― C. JoyBell C.

K A T S U K I

How the fuck did I end up here?

Oh, right.

My manager is an arrogant, abusive piece of shit with a huge ego and an incomprehensible need to show off.

“Stop scowling, Katsuki.”

Katsuki huffed loudly, his scowl deepening as he glared at Enji Todoroki. “I told you to call me Bakugou. We’re not fucking friends.”

Shouto, who (for once) looked as uncomfortable as Katsuki felt, plastered a fake smile on his lips. They were stuck inside a limo with his father, moments away from meeting his ultimate rival.

Basically, Katsuki and Shouto were here to be shown off.

“Sulking doesn’t suit you, Katsuki.” Enji rumbled, not glancing up from his phone. “Even Shouto looks excited.”

Katsuki glanced at the young Todoroki, who was obviously not excited. “What’s the fucking point of bringing him again? He obviously hates you and doesn’t want to fucking be here.”

Enji’s eyes flickered up from his phone. “He’s working on an article about my rivalry with Toshinori.”

“Of-fucking-course he is.”

The limo came to a stop in front of the venue where the tournament would be held. Katsuki could already see fans and paparazzi crowding the front, but he wasn’t all that worried about the interaction.

They were heading to the restaurant across the street.

I fucking hate the press.

“Boys.”

Katsuki froze at the serious tone in Enji’s voice. Even Shouto had gone completely rigid in his seat, which was more than concerning.

Enji placed his phone down and gave them a hard look. He looked incredibly intimidating. “Toshinori is bringing his successor to lunch. From what I can gather, the boy is a complete mystery.”

“So?’ Katsuki mumbled, earning a glare.

The older alpha took a deep breath, his expression full of untapped rage. “I don’t care how weak his successor may look. I wouldn’t be surprised if Toshinori has a few tricks up his sleeve.”

Katsuki swallowed, sharing a look with Shouto. “Both of them can fuck right off, honestly. The press alone is going to eat that successor alive.”

“Good response. Let’s head inside.”

Katsuki watched Shouto and Enji step out of the limo, his heart in his throat. Toshinori has always been his idol, so the idea of meeting was making his palms sweat. Even in his casual suit, Katsuki felt small.

With a racing heart, Katsuki exited the limo.

“I have to take a call, so you two head inside.”

Shouto, who had been silent the whole ride, simply nodded and kept his eyes on the ground. “Of course, father.”

Katsuki almost smirked at the sarcastic tone in Todoroki’s voice, but he knew better than to laugh. The last thing he wants is for a pissed off Enji to yell at them in front of potential press.

As soon as they were inside, both alphas visibly relaxed.

“What fucking airhead.”

Shouto chuckled at Katsuki’s words, adjusting his own suit. “I’m glad we can agree. Let’s just get this lunch over with.”

Katsuki nodded, scowling. “I just can’t fucking-“

The red-eyed alpha was cut off as a small body collided with his own. All at once, familiar omega pheromones (smelling heavily of chocolate and cherries) infiltrated Katsuki’s senses.

No fucking way.

“I-I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

The small omega’s voice was soft and familiar as he stepped away from Katsuki. He was just as beautiful as the alpha remembered, with wild curls and dazzling green eyes.

After a few seconds , green eyes met his.

“Freckles?”

The small omega looked just as surprised as Katsuki, paling slightly as they stared at each other. He was wearing a professional olive-green dress with a jacket, which accented his curves a little too well for the alpha’s liking.

Compared to how he looked a few days ago, Katsuki could barely process it. If anything, his inner alpha went mad with excitement.

“Blondie.” Freckles murmured, turning a soft pink.

Dear god, he’s so fucking cute.

Shouto cleared his throat, effectively ruining the tense moment. Freckles looked away from Katsuki, making jealous rage rumble in his chest.

“Do you know each other?”

Katsuki glared at Shouto, who was shamelessly staring at the small omega. “Not exactly.”

Shouto noticed the glare and smirked before looking at the omega again. “My name is Todoroki Shouto. And you are?”

“Um, uh,” Freckles looked uncomfortable. “I don’t like sharing my name. I should probably get back to my table.”

And that was enough to make Katsuki go rigid.

Is he on a date?

Is that why he’s dressed so nice?

No, the fucking Troll Doll said that Freckles has high standards with courting. He doesn’t seem like the type to lie…

“Of course. Enjoy your date.”

Freckles nodded at Todoroki’s words, his pretty green eyes glancing to Katsuki’s red ones. “It was nice to see you again, Blondie. You clean up nice for an airhead.”

And just like that, he was gone.

Airhead?

Katsuki could feel a colorful mix of curse words on his tongue, but he was much too surprised to say any of them.

“Are you having a stroke?”

Katsuki snapped out of his daze and scowled in Shouto’s direction. “I’m not having a fucking stroke, Icy-Hot! Where the fuck did you get that idea?!”

Shouto grinned smugly, which looked more than odd on his usually blank face. “I was asking because you went completely silent in that omega’s presence. Plus, he insulted you and you didn’t throw a fit.”

“What’s your fucking point, fuckstick?”

The younger alpha shrugged, turning to walk away.

Katsuki’s eye twitched as he glared at Shouto’s retreating back. “Don’t walk away from me, you half-n-half bastard!”

“Don’t scream, Bakugo. We’re inside.”

“I’ll fucking show you screaming, shithead.”

Katsuki followed Todoroki inside the main area, where the latter alpha gave them the name of the reservation.

The smell of chocolate and cherries hung in the air, which more than fucked with Katsuki’s senses. Freckles, who has consistently been haunting his brain for two days, was so close.

It was driving Katsuki mad.

“I’ll take you to your table. Your guests are already here.”

Of-fucking-course they are.

Katsuki silently followed Shouto and the beta waitress towards the private part of the restaurant. Now that he was on edge, the red-eyed alpha was radiating enough pheromones to make anybody submit.

The omega’s pheromones were stronger now, haunting Katsuki like an unwanted memory.

“Oh! We meet again.”

Katsuki snapped out of his pity party and locked eyes with their lunch guests. A familiar blond beta grinned kindly at him, but that’s not what made his heart stop in his chest.

An all too familiar omega was seated next to him, anxiously avoiding Katsuki’s shocked gaze.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Freckles was sitting next to All Might, anxiously stirring his tea as he avoided Katsuki’s gaze. Toshinori, who looked more than amused, chuckled loudly at the alpha’s words.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, young Bakugou.”

Shouto, who looked absolutely delighted, offered his hand to the beta. “Ignore him. My name is Todoroki Shouto. I’m Endeavor’s son.”

Toshinori shook his hand, smiling kindly. “Ah, yes! The last time I saw you, you were just starting primary school.”

“It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long.”

Katsuki ignored the friendly interaction in front of him and took a seat at the table. Freckles, who still said nothing, was seated right across from him.

The fucking audacity.

This better not be his fucking successor.

Toshinori watched as they both sat down at the table and glanced over at the omega next to him. “This is Midoriya Izuku, my successor. He’s a little anxious, so excuse his silence.”

“I understand.” Shouto spoke evenly, smiling at the omega. “We’ve already met, though.”

He’s an omega.

Omega’s aren’t supposed to be in this kind of work.

Katsuki clenched his jaw and studied the omega in front of him. “I hope that this is a fucking joke, nerd.”

Midoriya froze, finally meeting Katsuki’s gaze. The same fire that Katsuki saw the other night was blazing in his pretty green eyes. He no longer looked anxious, but annoyed.

“I’m not too sure what you mean, Blondie.”

Katsuki bristled, his hands clenched into fists in his lap. “Don’t call me that. Do you even fucking understand the risks of what’s you’re doing?”

Toshinori and Shouto shared a glance.

Midoriya glared, which looked so odd on his cute face. “I think it’s you who doesn’t understand, Bakugou. In fact, I don’t know why you’re so pissed off.”

“You’re a fucking omega, for one.”

The small omega huffed. “What does that have to do with anything? You didn’t have a problem with me when you were catering to your alpha ego.”

Toshinori cleared his throat, but both wolves ignored him.

“You’re fucking dumb if you think you stand a chance, Deku.”

For some reason, that name felt familiar on Katsuki’s tongue.

Midoriya’ s body went rigid and his eyes turned a dangerous shade of green. “Don’t call me that. You don’t have the right.”

Katsuki raised an eyebrow, smirking as he realized that he struck a nerve. “So this isn’t the first time you’ve been called that? I’ll keep that in mind, shitty Deku.”

“You arrogant, pretentious-“

Katsuki ignored him, focusing his gaze on Toshinori. “And what about you? You know better than anyone that boxing is a dangerous career. How do you expect an omega to stand a chance?”

A heavy silence hung in the air.

Shouto awkwardly looked at his menu, obviously wanting to stay out of the dangerous conversation.

Toshinori sighed, not even bothered by the tension. “Izuku has shown quite a bit of perseverance when it comes to boxing. He’s been training for a long time.”

Training is nothing like the real thing.

Before Katsuki could continue interrogating Toshinori and Deku, familiar footsteps made him shut his mouth. Enji sat down between Katsuki and Shouto, completely unaware of the tension.

Deku suddenly seemed more tense than before.

“Toshinori. It’s been awhile.”

The blond cleared his throat and nodded, shifting in his seat. “Call me Yagi, Enji. We’ve known each other a long time.”

Enji’s eyes narrowed. “Yagi, then. Where’s your successor?”

Dear god.

Deku hummed politely, plastering a fake smile on his lips as he studied the broad alpha. “My name is Izuku Midoriya, sir. I’m his successor.”

Silence.

Katsuki stared shamelessly at the omega in front of him, studying every inch of his face. He was looking for something extraordinary or even remotely worthy enough to earn the title of successor.

The only thing he noticed, though, was the lack of bandages on the omega’s hands. His hands looked small and calloused, showing that he had obviously been experienced in working.

But Katsuki still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that the same omega who sang like an angel was supposed to be a trained kick-boxer.

I thought that music was his passion…

How the fuck did he end up here?

“Are you joking?”

Deku’ s mouth immediately settled into an annoyed scowl. “Not in the slightest. Were you expecting a pea-brained alpha like yourself?”

Shouto fucking choked.

Enji, however, was not as amused by the insult. “I was expecting someone more qualified. You’re small and obviously ill-prepared in the strength department. There’s a reason omegas don’t fight.”

“Izuku is more than prepared, Enji.” Toshinori murmured, his tone serious.

“And what if he gets bitten, Yagi?”

Katsuki’s blood ran ice-cold.

For some reason, the idea of another alpha biting Deku filled Katsuki with rage. Not only is the act of biting an omega, without their consent, absolutely despicable; But the toxins from the bite itself could be life-threatening.

An alpha’s bite contained a number of toxins. Usually in a mating process, the alpha has to bite the omega on their scent gland. The scent gland is the only place that holds the correct anti-venom to combat the toxins.

Over my dead fucking body.

“They’d have to catch me first.”

Toshinori hummed in agreement at Deku’s words, keeping his gaze cool as he stared at Enji. “After today’s tournament, we were hoping to do more intense training at your gym.”

Enji raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve accepted?”

“Accepted what?” Katsuki growled, his jaw clenched.

Shouto, who was sipping water at this point, finally spoke. “Father extended an invitation for Toshinori to train Midoriya at our gym. We have better equipment, and Father wants to see you two spar.”

Katsuki’s chest rumbled with a growl. “I don’t fight omegas.”

“Why?” Deku muttered, his green eyes challenging. “Scared to lose?”

Why the fuck do those words make him look attractive?

Katsuki stiffened, glaring at the omega. “It wouldn’t be a fair fight. Omegas are supposed to be soft-spoken homemakers. Not fighters.”

Deku shrugged, sipping his own water. “Guess that means I get to prove you wrong. Ignorant alphas like yourself are exactly why I started fighting in the first place.”

“I’m not fucking ignorant.”

The omega smirked. “Then you’re a coward.”

I’ll show you coward, shitty Deku.

I’m not a fucking coward.

Shouto cleared his throat before Katsuki could release his wrath, obviously trying to keep the peace. “Why don’t we order some food and discuss specifics? I’m sure Father would like Bakugou to learn kick-boxing.”

Toshinori nodded, obviously glad to change the subject. “One of my other students is fully trained, and I’m sure she would be happy to help.”

“Excellent.” Enji murmured, also changing the subject.

Katsuki, however, angrily studied the omega in front of him.

Izuku Midoriya was a fucking enigma. He somehow made stubbornness look attractive, all while maintaining a soft appearance. His size made him the perfect omega to cuddle and protect, but he made it obvious that he didn’t want that.

And for some odd fucking reason; Katsuki was becoming more and more obsessed with Izuku Midoriya.

**********

#alpha/beta/omega verse #bakudeku #bakugou x midoriya #alpha bakugou #omega deku #bnha crack #bnha #fanfiction #fanfic #bnha fanfiction #boxer au

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ellacrossman96 · 4 years

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cavehags · 7 years

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how do you feel about marvel's runaways (2017-)? *i actually wanna know the dirt on it

thank you so much for this, i honestly appreciate it from the bottom of my grimy bitter heart

the backstory for those who haven’t been assaulted with constant subway ads for this show: marvel’s runaways is a new hulu drama series based on a 2003 series of comics that in retrospect may not have been very good but which i DEEPLY enjoyed back when i was a baby gay with bad taste. the idea of the series was to tell a story about a group of teenagers who have nothing to do with the main superhero dealings in the marvel universe - just normal kids who, on one otherwise uneventful evening, happen to find out that their wealthy los angeles parents are actually part of a secret supervillain ring. the idea is “every kid thinks their parents are evil - but what if they actually were?” it’s not the deepest metaphor by any means.

it was a really accessible and dialogue-heavy series that read more like YA than a traditional comic book and so really appealed to a heavy book reader like me since at that time i had never read a comic in my life. it also happened to make waves for including stories about sexuality through the lesbian character karolina and her partner xavin, a genderless alien (fun fact: joss whedon botched xavin’s story very badly). also, one of the main hero characters was gert yorkes, a snarky, sarcastic jewish girl who was fat and still got to do everything the other hero kids did, and she never got teased about it. i loved her so much.

anyway, maybe you already knew all that. fast forward to the new series, which first irritated me with the casting (gert: not fat; gert’s boyfriend chase: played by gregg sulkin; chase’s father: played by james marsters, who maybe we shouldn’t cast in projects with teenage girls anymore??).

the casting blows but i’m also much more irritated by the writing, which includes unbearably slow pacing, tons of sexism and generally anti-sjw content, and no end of characters saying things that no one would ever say. for reference, in the first issue of the comics, the kids watch their parents murder a young woman and run away from home that same night (hence the title); we’re now past episode 4 and they’re still dicking around at home and on average nothing happens in each episode?

a few new story elements are brought in that do nothing to advance the plot but simply add unnecessary gendered violence that makes the story far less approachable as an escapism narrative for girls. in the pilot, for instance, karolina passes out at a party and is almost raped. fortunately, right as the unnamed would-be rapists are taking off her clothes, chase saves her, then doesn’t tell her what happened! this is part of the story for no reason, since they don’t go after the guys who attacked her and it just is not dealt with in any way. the only thing this does accomplish is give chase a reason to be in the same vehicle as karolina so they can show up at the same other character’s house together after this scene.

a similarly ill-thought-out and corner-cutting approach is brought to address the suicide of a character who was newly created for the tv series. this character is first mentioned in the pilot, when, out of nowhere, a character tells his dad that the video game he’s playing is the one he used to play with “her.” no names are used. the writers are attempting to convey the importance of this character to him, but it’s important that we all acknowledge together that people don’t use pronouns in this way, when a name hasn’t previously been stated. lazy!

this character comes up again in a flashback scene in episode four, where we actually see the moment that her sister found her dead in her bedroom. i have an issue with the way this scene is filmed, so let me describe it. the sister walks into the room in the morning. we see the sister’s face, then the camera moves to slowly focus on a pill bottle. then we see a shot of the dead character’s face, but from the nose down. she could be sleeping. cut right back to the sister, who immediately screams for help. and like, i get it, she took pills. however, this scene was filmed with two priorities in mind: 1) to spend as little time on it as possible and 2) to get as much drama as possible out of it by adding zero elements that would contribute any humanity to the scene. typically, if i walk into someone’s room in the morning and they are laying in bed with their eyes closed, i don’t immediately look to the prescription pill bottle on their nightstand because my first move is to tell them to wake up. that they might have killed themselves overnight is not a realization that comes instantaneously, i think? it seems like a small thing but i’m really bristled by the way this scene was shot to tell us exactly nothing about either character. why even show it? why not just say it happened? because drama. fucking 13 reasons why looking shit

another thing before i wrap up is that the comic series had some kind of love polygon (if i’m remembering correctly, it was: gert loves chase, chase loves karolina, karolina loves nico, nico loves alex, alex loves nico back?) and this was thrown unceremoniously into the pilot over the course of about two scenes when we still don’t know the characters very well and could use some breathing room. meanwhile, although this is a story about six people who used to be friends and aren’t now and need to get back into a rhythm with each other, the only relationship that has any of the tension you’d expect is one between two women! because women be gossiping, right? their dynamic is painted as the religious prude (karolina) versus the dumb sjw (gert). in one scene in the pilot, gert stands up in front of class and gives a lecture about her sjw stuff in front of an extremely uncaring audience, just to show how out-of-touch and unnecessary her principles are! (btw, i’m using the word “sjw” because that’s how the writers are definitely talking about her in the room.) later, she bickers with karolina and we get the sense that gert is trying to be feminist; however, what she’s saying is just mean and uninformed, and no one would say any of this. it feels like an intentional way to demean her as well as karolina by making their rivalry this specifically feminine thing

then you know there’s just general stuff like the bad pacing, the confusing and highly questionable age of the youngest character, molly (she’s told by her mom that she’s having her first period in the pilot, but the actress is 14 and the character is in high school???), the insertion of a fucking SCIENTOLOGY analogue for no reason… it’s really a lot. it is very different from what the comics were to me, which was a very relatable series about teens acting like teens even while they’re juggling hard issues like morality and identity. and i’ll own that the comics may not have been written well and certainly needed updating! for one thing, karolina’s coming out arc; i was interested to see what they’d do with a 2003-era coming out story, since 2017 is not 2003! unfortunately it doesn’t seem like the writers have ever met a teenager or a gay person and are doing their best to keep the tv version as close to the bad comics version as possible; making the character religious in the tv series when she wasn’t in the comics seems like a guarantee that her coming-out storyline will be long and annoying.

finally, just listen to any moment of dialogue and you will want to die. a several-minutes-long scene in episode three concerns a conversation about LARPing, furries, and sex with animals. i should have led with that and closed with that, since there’s very clearly nothing more to say. i hate this fucking show, it sucks.

#ask #dancesong17 #thank you for indulging me because i feel significantly better now #og post

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daleisgreat · 5 years

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2018-19 TV Season Recap

Previous TV Season Recaps - (2013-14 | 2014-15 | 2015-16 | 2016-17 | 2017-18) 9-13-2019 Update: 2019 Summer TV Season Recap now online! Click here for recaps of latest seasons of GLOW, Veronica Mars & Jessica Jones! Greetings and welcome to my belated annual TV season recap! Got to this several weeks later than I wanted to, but glad to finally knock this out of the park! I will…attempt…to make this a little more concise than previous years so fingers crossed that I do not drone on forever! If you do have the time and want to check out my past year in TV breakdowns going back to 2013 please check out the links above! With that out of the way let us jump to the seasons of new TV I devoured from late summer/fall 2018 through spring 2019.

South Park – Like the past few seasons of South Park it features a season spanning arc, though it is not as prevalent as past seasons as the build up is for the town’s annual bike parade the kids are all stoked for. It was an interesting build up throughout to the payoff in the finale. A secondary, smaller season-spanning arc focusing on legalization of weed in South Park was a hokey plot thread to see touched on from time to time and had a payoff at the end I cracked up at. Other episodes were kind of a little lower fare than past seasons with the usual riffing on current events that South Park is known for with notable takes this season on the Roseanne Barr controversy conveyed through the return of Mr. Hankey and additionally ManBearPig making his deadly return and rampaging through South Park. Grade: B- The Conners – Previously known as Roseanne, but because of some ill-worded tweets from her last year lead to her removal of the show and being rebranded as The Conners. I am fine with how they wrote Roseanne out of the show by touching on her pill-addiction issues that were a focus in the first season. That said, I dug it more than its return season, primarily because the cast is gelling together far better now. Sarah Gilbert and Lecy Goransen both stepped up to fill the void with Barr's exit from the show. Darlene is the front and center star now, and she is nailing it holding the chaos at home down. It is good see DJ finally receive a marginal, but noticeable bump up in screen time this season after being an afterthought in a handful of episodes in the return season. I was glad to see an episode emphasize Dan dealing with Roseanne's storyline passing of the show. Also was fun to see cameos from recurring characters from the first run of the show throughout this season. Darlene finally gets a new gig at a newspaper and her boss there has tremendous chemistry with her character. A part of me still seems like that show is just not right with Roseanne not on there, but I understand why that is how it is and the cast is making the best out of a bad situation and are all bringing it with a pretty damn good second return season. Grade:B+

Orville – So I mentioned in last year’s TV recap I dropped off this show towards the end of the season because McFarlane’s humor felt a little too forced in an otherwise fine and occasionally pretty good modern take on Star Trek: The Next Generation. Eventually I revisited it and finished off last few episodes of the first season and I was glad I did because Orville stepped it up and dialed back McFarlane’s jokes and while still noticeable are better paced and not as nonstop as most of the first season was. The second season does a little cast swapping and position shifting around the Orville vessel much like the second season of TNG did. It leads to a better flowing second season with LaMarr now heading up engineering. I will miss Halston Sage’s kickass security character from the show, but Jessica Szohr proves to be a suitable replacement. Seeing the true nature of Isaac’s home planet was a two-part episode arc I will never forget that ranked near the top as my favorite TV all year and was highlighted by a huge CG-quality space dogfight of theatrical quality. As much as I loved this season there were still a couple head-scratcher episodes with one Bortus-themed episode that did not go over well with me, and another where Claire attempts to date Isaac in an intriguing arc, but eventually had a lackluster conclusion. Major props again to Seth McFarlane for restraining his humor which leads to the times when Seth does work in his jokes playing out far better and more memorable including a Twinkie joke ranking right up there with Twinkie references in UHF and Die Hard. Props also to Seth for portraying a pretty damn good captain too. Grade: A-

Castlevania - I cranked out both seasons of Netflix’s exclusive anime based on the hit videogame series at the beginning of this year. Both are really quick watches with the first season being four episodes and the second only eight episodes. I am not even going to attempt to elucidate the intricacies of the plot. Both seasons involve signature characters from the series such as Belmonts, Dracula and Alucard. Both seasons also have exquisite animation and all kinds of lusciously crafted gory medieval violence. I was not super huge into both seasons as the lore sometimes went right over my head, but both served as entertaining background noise to indulge. Grade: B Arrested Development - The second half of season five hit Netflix earlier this year. I consider it more-or-less season six since it launched about roughly a year after season five first started. It puts a nice bow on most of the Netflix-era arcs such as George Michael’s FakeBlock business, whether Joeb’s controversial magic trick really spelled the end of Tony Wonder, Michael’s repeated failed attempts at trying to save the family and yes it all wraps up with the breaking-ground ceremony for the Mexico/America border wall. For the most part I was a fan of this season although it is a victim of past Netflix-era seasons where they could not film with the entire ensemble cast present which leads to many odd camera angles and noticeable stand-ins present. I do not know if a future season is announced, but I am guessing not as this season had a nice sense of closure to it, and by that I mean in only the most pure, awkward nature possible that proved to be a worthy sendoff to Arrested Development. Grade: B+

Gotham - This was the fifth and final season of Gotham. FOX announced a year ahead of time they would be running a shortened final season of the show to give an opportunity to the creators and cast to wrap up all the story threads. Only problem was Gotham had a ton of threads and a huge cast. Season four’s theme was all about the ‘rise of the villain’ with Batman’s trademark wide range of antagonists coming into their own by season four. With the shortened season, several of those villains like Mr. Freeze and the…flamethrower girl do not appear whatsoever in the final seasons and some of my favorites like Poison Ivy and Zsasz are limited to only one or two episodes. Rest assured fan favorites Penguin and Riddler are featured throughout and both are awesome to follow along with in their constant love/hate relationship. This season-spanning arc features Gotham declared a DMZ and is ruled by gang warfare and Gordon is in charge of a resource-depleted Gotham PD constantly under siege throughout. Since the show presumably wrapped up three-to-five years early I understand the direction FOX went with having the final episode jump several years in the future so we can finally see Bruce Wayne’s destiny come to fruition and I loved the build to the memorable closing shot of the series. The final episode also has many other caps sealed to see how the rest of the fantastic cast evolved. While I could not help but get the feeling that this season was rushed, I felt the cast and crew did as best as they possibly could with the condensed season they were allotted to wrap it up. Grade: A- DC/CW ARROW-VERSE

Arrow - The seventh season of Arrow gets the distinction of being the only one of the four CW shows I started at their season premiere that I made it to the season finale of. Ollie’s compromise to serve time in jail at the end of season six had real consequences where he spends the first half of the season in prison and his journey to get out of there was an enticing ride that sees him making unlikely enemies and allies and having to go through the prison’s twisted underground fight club to stay in the warden’s good graces while Team Arrow looks through every nook and cranny to get his sentence repealed. I loved the flash forwards this season that focuses on the cast’s offspring coming together as future vigilantes to save Star City. The Arrow-verse crossover special this season, Elseworlds was another solid crossover and served as introducing the Batwoman character while CW primes up that show later this year. Seeing Barry and Oliver react to their introduction to Superman was priceless. The annual cameo of Tommy was the best yet this season, and I absolutely loved his final interaction with Oliver. The conclusion paved the way for what is announce to be Arrow’s final season debuting this fall. I was very saddened to hear one long-standing character will not be part of it, but loved the heartfelt way they were taken care of on the season finale.

Pen15 - This Hulu-exclusive show is a nostalgia trip for me. It focuses on two 13-year old girls in 1999 starting seventh grade. There is a lot of late-90s ‘extreme’ pop culture window dressing that I could not help but sink my teeth into since it is what I grew up with in high school. The episode dedicated to AOL Instant Messenger is spot-on and brought back so many memories. Pen15 focuses on all the craziness of middle school one could anticipate, including a few awkward pubescent encounters that got borderline uncomfortable to watch. For the most part though I am on board with following along with the adventures of Anna and Maya in future seasons. Grade: B+ Riverdale, Flash, Legends of Tomorrow - I dropped almost all of the CW shows I follow except for Arrow. Riverdale jumped the shark too many times this season and it seems like they are placing the Archie characters in some odd beast of a show that is a Warriors-Hunger Games-DnD hybrid that got progressively nuts-o by the week. I was initially on board with the new direction and twists on the Archie characters I grew up with, but as this seasons warred on it has gone off the deep end with a horrible intro thread that saw Archie in juvie and eventually on the run for the first half of the season and Veronica heading up a speakeasy underground at Pop’s. Without diving into too many spoilers I was not a fan of how Riverdale glorified certain things that rubbed me the wrong way and a few other characters overstayed their welcome who did not gel with the rest of the cast. The whole speakeasy scenes in the show never gelled, even with the new hard-edge drama this series has and finally when Cheryl ups and forms her Hunger Games tribute gang of archers was the line I finally went and threw my hands up and dropped Riverdale a few episodes after the winter break.

Flash was on a slow downward spiral of mediocrity past couple seasons and I could not take it anymore with new characters I could not get into and Flash looking like a buffoon every week. Chris Klein portrayed the season-long villain and I could not help but feel the producers had no idea how to implement him as he seemed like more of an afterthought. Legends of Tomorrow was my surprise favorite CW show last season, but this season gradually introduced a new character named Mona Wu that was a minor background annoyance at first, but grew into the major character to circle the season around and the character did not get any more affable and was still grating to endure and it also got to the point where I said no more! Like with Riverdale, I dropped both Flash and Legends of Tomorrow within a few episodes past their midseason break. Sorry CW, it is me, not you. Grade: Dropped MARVEL NETFLIX SERIES Punisher - People who know me, and if you have been following this blog long enough you know I am a huge Punisher fan, so obviously I am biased, but I still got to say I loved both seasons, and I will give the nudge slightly to season one. I loved the first setting the first few episodes of the second season takes place in to mix things up a bit from the other Marvel Netflix shows. The new love/hate sidekick, Amy took me awhile to warm up to, but I warmed up to her about halfway through and watching their relationship develop with Frank was a lot of fun and to see how some of their foreshadowing paid off later on in the season was pretty special. Curt's and Midani's interplay with Frank is still on the mark and they did not miss a beat in season two. The interplay with the therapist and Billy Russo could have been dialed back a little bit as I felt she was in one scene too many nearly every episode.

As with the first season, loved the action, loved the dialogue for nearly the entire cast and I thought they expertly handled the Punisher as a man of few words, but obviously they had to give him some dialogue to span an entire season, and Netflix got a ton out of his body language and cadence of the dialogue he does deliver throughout the season. I agree with many that John Berenthal is far and away the best actor to portray the Punisher, and I will forever remember all the little things he did to make him pop out and stand out among the rest as the way to play the Punisher. His final line of dialogue to close out the series is perfect! While I was saddened to see this get the inevitable cancellation announcement from Netflix along with the rest of its Marvel shows, I hope this one day gets picked up by Hulu or Disney+. Grade: A Iron Fist – I had no intentions of watching the second season of Iron Fist, but then I heard it got canned and after being a little optimistic for how he was portrayed in the episode of season two of Luke Cage he guest appeared in I decided to give it a shot. It is better than season one, but it still has a far way to go from being must-see. Finn Jones is far more entertaining this season as Danny Rand and is nowhere near as insufferable this season, although he does he have his moments on occasion. His Kun-Lun background is explored much more this season with some intriguing flashbacks. There is a new split personality character introduced this season who I became a big fan of by the end of the season. Ward and Joy are both more tolerable this season and by the end I was kind of won over by Ward with his whole NA/recovery arc. Davos returns as the main villain and with his background with Danny he winds up a more viable villain than Bakuto and the Hand. Also, no Hand this season!!!

The season loses points with me this season because Joy's arc was initially promising, but kind of falls apart by the end. Same with Colleen who was another character I was not big on, but won over this season...until the last couple of episodes anyway. Finally, Luke Cage’s Misty Knight is on several episodes of this season and I was never a fan of her before and she is equally unpleasing to endure here. If you got the time to kill and want to keep up with everything in the Marvel Netflix universe than I would say it is kind of barely worth it and is enough of a step up from the disastrous first season to check out. Grade: D+ (But a good D+ if there ever was a thing considering how big of an improvement this is from the first season) Daredevil - What a big step up from the disappointing previous season! Glad to see Kingpin as the forefront again as the antagonist this season and to see him go from prison to taking control of the reins of ‘Hell’s Kitchen’ again was a delight! Also a delight was the evolution of newcomer Dex to the show into a certain favorite Marvel character of mine. The way Daredevil handled Dex could not have been done any better. Coming out of the Defenders team up season, I loved the opening episodes focusing on Matt going into isolation as he recovered and gradually worked his way back into the fray. As with Punisher, all the action and fights here are masterfully choreographed and I was glued to the screen once a fight kicked off. I cannot think of a single person that is mis-casted since everyone delivers sublime performances. Karen and Foggy are awesome supporting characters and I loved their angles this season with more background into Foggy’s family struggles while trying to save the Nelson & Murdoch firm and Karen taking insane risks in her journalistic endeavors.

My highest praise is I think this is probably the sole Marvel Netflix season that could have went an extra episode or two because it felt like they kind of had to rush through a few scenes that felt a little condensed in the final episode. Another similarity Daredevil shared with Punisher is that it also unfortunately was cancelled by Netflix and I am super-bummed to see it go after this redemption season. Here is hoping it too gets picked up on another streaming service or maybe even by some stroke of luck both Daredevil and Punisher get incorporated into the Marvel Cinematic Universe. FINISH!!! That wraps up this past year’s worth of TV coverage. I tip my hat to you if you somehow managed to stick with me all this way through! I do not know if I will do my annual bonus summer TV viewing follow-up or not. I know Netflix still has to unload the last season of Jessica Jones, but I thought it would have dropped within the last few months so who knows when it will hit. I know season three of GLOW will hit Netflix this summer and that will jump instant viewing right away because of how much I enjoyed the last two seasons. I keep telling myself I need to do a one week trial of HBO Now to binge watch the final season of Game of Thrones and get caught up on Ballers so I might go down that well later this summer too. I am also tempted to do a trial of ESPN+ to watch that highly rated Love & Basketball docu-series and get caught on the last several 30 for 30s I am behind on. Got other suggestions for what I should watch this summer? Feel free to tweet them away to me @Gruel Past TV/Web Series Blogs 2013-14 TV Season Recap 2014-15 TV Season Recap 2015-16 TV Season Recap 2016-17 TV Season Recap 2017-18 TV Season Recap Adventures of Briscoe County Jr: The Complete Series Baseball: A Ken Burns series Angry Videogame Nerd Home Video Collections Mortal Kombat: Legacy - Season 1 | Season 2 OJ: Made in America: 30 for 30 RedvsBlue - Seasons 1-13 Roseanne – Seasons 1-9 Seinfeld Final Season Star Trek: Next Generation – Seasons 1-7 Superheroes: A Never-Ending Battle Superheroes: Pioneers of Television The Vietnam War: A Ken Burns series X-Men – The Animated Series: Volumes 4-5

#conners #roseanne #south park #tv/web series #orville #pen15 #Arrested Development #castlevania #Gotham #arrow #Flash #legends of tomorrow #riverdale #Iron Fist #punisher #Daredevil

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idreamtofmanderleyagain · 7 years

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Hellraiser as a Horror Fairy Tale

So for a while now I’ve been struggling to come to a clear, concise take on what I feel the classic Hellraiser’s are actually trying to be about. There’s a lot of themes here that are easy to emotionally grasp, but it’s been a bit of a struggle to try and build a coherent logical analysis on what all of these layers are conveying when properly understood all together (let alone figuring out how to verbalize what I was seeing). This is going to be a MASSIVE post, so buckle up for a long ride.

This has been especially frustrating because so many people have already asserted so much. There’s a lot of analysis out there that feels very unfocused and vague, or focuses far too much on very specific aspects that someone has isolated, like the unsettling theme of “pain and pleasure, indivisible.” The problem of course being that these aspects isolated like this are taken out of their full context, divorcing them of the very necessary emotional/psychological depth of the narrative, resulting in a rather simplistic, confused, or vague understanding of what kind of story we’re actually being told. This is problematic because it’s very clear that these films, the first two (and even three!) in particular, are deliberately using these horror elements as metaphor and analogy in a way very similar to traditional, dark and bloody fairy tales (see the outright fairy tale themes and references in H2). These are films that seem to function with a similar kind of gothic unreality that say, Angela Carter’s works do. And in any good fairy tale, a wolf is not a wolf.

Overall, I feel like the classic Hellraiser films are narratives discussing the nature of physical versus spiritual experience, the intersections thereof, and how this applies to the complexities of human suffering, trauma, abuse, etc. First, I should clarify what I mean by “spiritual.” I don’t mean “spiritual” in a faith/religious/superstitious sense, but as in humanity; in other words our personhood, the part of us that experiences emotion, empathy, craves human connection and emotional intimacy. So in turn, when I speak of “physical vs. spiritual,” I mean “physical” as the body divorced from it’s humanity. With me so far?

The first two films cover this this topic in different ways, with the second adding layers of spiritual complexity to the initial ideas laid out by the first film (and the third film, while extremely flawed, adds a few more intriguing elements that kind of bookend the themes for me), so there’s a lot of ground to cover. But hopefully, this will clarify my take on the themes of these films and how they suddenly became some of my favorite films of all time. I was actually quite surprised I enjoyed them so much, because I kind of expected something more akin to Nightmare On Elm St., or worst case scenario the subject matter would completely repulse and offend me, but instead I found something rather sophisticated and more fitting on the shelf where I put Cappola's Dracula, Labyrinth, Legend, In The Company Of Wolves, etc. It's much more like a gothic dark fantasy series than your general 80's horror franchise. I felt like I was watching a long-lost classic that nobody told me about, and nothing has really given me the same feeling I had back when I first watched all those nostalgic cult classics. Hellraiser 2 might even be ripping Labyrinth off a tiny bit, actually. If you're only familiar with Hellraiser because of the awful sequels (movies 3 to 9), you don't really know what the originals are like at all.

So without further ado, here’s my long-winded, [TOTALLY SPOILERIFIC, YOU WERE WARNED] analysis under the cut. ;P

[Warning for discussion of difficult subject matter from the films, including implications of past child abuse, attempted sexual assault, objectification of women (intentionally depicted, not as a failing of the films), allegorical kink-themed demons, etc. In the films It’s all imo presented rather tamely/tactfully outside of the over-the-top 80′s gore, but we’re talking a bit about all of this under the cut.]

I see the first Hellraiser film as dealing specifically with the evils of selfish, consumptive physical gratification, devoid of spiritual substance/humanity. Frank opens the door to Hell through a desire to reach new pleasures, because he’d exhausted all other avenues. He’s unsatisfied with what this world can give him, so he seeks out “the pleasures of heaven or hell,” he doesn’t care which. And I feel this speaks to what is at the heart of Frank, namely nothing at all. Frank is a being that exists purely for his own physical gratification. He is a textbook sociopath; essentially empty, devoid of emotional substance, and so he seeks to fill that void in him with physical pleasure. In that endless consumption Frank dehumanizes women; they become objects who’s humanity he disregards entirely. I’ve seen people try to call Frank a somewhat “sympathetic” villain (in the literary sense, not the ~redeemable~ woobie sense) even if he’s revolting, because apparently people can relate to his (and Julia’s) dissatisfaction with the banality of life, but Frank’s dissatisfaction comes from a place of spiritual emptiness. He is disconnected from his own humanity and the humanity of others, and so he wanders endlessly in search of the next base, physical high (so uh, personally, I find it hard to relate).

This is mirrored in Julia, who abandons the “emotional” roles of wife and step-mother in order to resurrect Frank, who gave her the physical gratification she holds above all else in her life, including her own morality and the lives of others. Julia is slightly more sympathetic because her dissatisfaction seems to stem from a sense of being pushed into traditional female roles that give her no fulfillment, so there are interesting elements of women’s oppression creating a human disconnect for Julia (particularly when it comes to the ways in which men dehumanize/use her). That said, I think it’s clear from Julia’s behavior across the board that her disconnect from her humanity is exacerbated by her obsession with the physical fulfillment she finds with Frank. There is an interesting line in the film from Frank, where he describes the relationship they have as being “like love, only real,” implying that he rejects the highly spiritual, emotional concept of “love,” as though he perceives what is purely physical as the only thing of real value. For Julia, I’d imagine that this has become a truth for her, because the traditional “loving” relationships of “wife” to Larry and “mother” to Kirsty brought her no fulfillment.

The men in general of the film seek this same selfish gratification - Julia seduces men home to feed to Frank, all of them seeking to consume her. You can see this underlying consumptive menace when the first man she drags home reveals his true colors, spitting angry words under his breath at her when she starts to seem hesitant. (it is interesting that she in turn is “consuming” them; they serve a material purpose to her that has nothing to do with their personhood. She’s feeding them to Frank, who literally consumes their life-force.) Larry also reveals a consumptive side when Julia tries to distract him with sexuality; she starts to shout “no!” (at Frank, who is looming menacingly in the shadows ready to strike at Larry), and it not only takes him way too many “no’s” to actually stop kissing her, he gets indignant at Julia’s “hot and cold” behavior, as if he was owed her body and denied. There’s little regard for her needs; he does not ask if something had hurt her, if she was okay, he only says with indignation that “he just doesn’t understand her,” rather than make any attempts at understanding.

H2′s Dr. Channard is another case of a consumptive soul, single-mindedly obsessed with his pursuits. However, unlike Frank, Channard’s obsessions are, for the most part, non-sexual. Channard has a sadistic, clinical fascination with the mind, endlessly consumed with a need for knowledge and discovery. But while Channard’s obsessions are focused in a mental space, it could be said that this too is a soullessly physical pursuit; he views the mind as an object to viciously plunder, and so human beings become objects for his purposes. So, like Frank, he is a character utterly incapable of empathy, humanity. The sexualized Male Gaze is unnecessary for dehumanization.

Despite all this objectification and abuse, despite the heavy underlying sexuality in these two films, they both seriously lack any Male Gaze whatsoever. In fact, all images of sexuality are pretty much entirely given to us from the perspective of women. There is a single exception of Male Gaze bullshit in H2, where there's a woman hanging topless for no justifiable reason in Julia's murder room, though you could actually blink at the right moment and miss it entirely (and we don't see a man or monster perpetrate violence against her, it's just Julia who promptly eats her). While Clive Barker directed the first film (and is a gay man), the second film was directed by Tony Randall (who is I believe a straight man), and it's things like that one little topless moment and the mild focus on Channard's enchantment with Julia that makes H2 lean slightly further away from H1's Male Gaze-less track record. That aside, Hellraiser 1 and 2 are rather unique for their time period in this way, because it's such a hard-hitting focus on women's experience of sexuality, or how women experience male sexuality in particular, which in Hellraiser is almost always predatory, un-self-aware, or in Steve and Kyle's romantic designs on Kirsty, a little bit too self-focused and limp. This is starkly contrasted with Hellraiser 3 and pretty much all Hellraiser films after it (particularly the constant callous objectification and violence perpetrated against women in Revelations, which surprise surprise, is the most recent film. Thank's modern cinema. Don't fucking remake Hellraiser you sociopaths). Hellraiser 3 was the first film to feature Pinhead committing violence agains a woman (that fact right there? that's fucking amazing for an 80's horror franchise. Especially one featuring these themes.), who in the moment is scantily clad and just had somewhat graphic sex with J.P., and the visceral and negative reaction I had to this dumb, cringey scene is very different than any of the reactions I had to the gore of the first two films. It's nothing too hard to handle (he rips her skin off with a hook in a bad effect and then the evil pillar eats her, so it's very gory but nothing shocking), but I mention it because the first two films really stand out as horror films that managed to deal with the abuse and objectification of women as a subject without actually objectifying them or showing us gratuitous, fetishistic shock-value surrounding that abuse, the way so many contemporary horror, thriller, and crime-procedural media does.

Beyond Frank and Julia, the other half of this story deals with Kirsty and the Cenobites. First of all, Kirsty is someone directly harmed by the consumptive, selfish gratification of both Frank and Julia - with Frank, there are fairly blatant implications of child abuse that may have occurred years prior (and if not, most certainly he intends on abusing her now). As for Julia, Kirsty likely wanted a mother figure after the death of her biological mother, and she was denied this emotional connection from Julia. Later, Julia becomes a direct agent facilitating Frank’s attempt at abusing Kirsty. Julia doesn’t seem to care who is harmed in the wake of Frank’s consumption, as long as she can still receive gratification.

Kirsty is the major character who breaks this mold of reckless obsession with the physical. All of Kirsty’s dilemmas are focused in a spiritual, human place. She lost her mother years prior and is still struggling with her grief. Her relationship with Julia is strained, so any hope of a mother-daughter connection after that loss has been entirely torn asunder for her. She loves her father dearly, but she’s just gained her independence and is dealing with worry over her father. Her father wants her to play mediator in his strained relationship with Julia, who she dislikes. She’s starting out a new relationship with Steve, possibly her first adult relationship ever. She’s dealing with either a secret abuse trauma and/or traumatized over Frank’s re-appearance and physical assault of her. Where Frank and Julia are obsessively absorbed in their need for physical gratification, Kirsty deals with many layers of spiritual/emotional realities, positive and negative.

The Cenobites, as we know them in the first film, are cosmic beings that exist in extreme, grotesque excess of sensory experience, far beyond any human comprehension of “pleasure.” All they truly understand is pain. Their function is to reap the souls who intentionally open Hell’s door and enact literal eternal torture; Hell consumes souls like meat to rend and tear (an interesting juxtaposition of flesh and spirit that I’ll discuss more when I get into H2). These creatures seem almost devoid of anything recognizably human in terms of emotionality (in the first film anyway), they are Borg-like. But again, a wolf is not a wolf. These beings, and Hell itself, are supernatural allegories for the human character’s dilemmas. In this film, they are the looming threat of eternal consumption devoid of humanity, given face. The oblivion on the other side of the threshold. You invoke their presence, they come at your call.

There’s more to say about how all this plays out in the first film, particularly when it comes to how Kirsty is the second person (after Frank) to summon the Cenobites and how she uses them against her abuser, but first I want to bring up aspects that are more prominent in the second film to pull this whole picture together (the films really are a “Part 1 and Part 2,” to me).

The second film (my favorite, if you couldn’t tell) focuses much more heavily on spiritual themes. It’s set almost entirely in either a mental hospital or Hell, respectively. So immediately, we’re given two pictures, one of a place of spiritual/emotional healing, and one of eternal spiritual and physical torment, the lines between the two blurring and distorting as we get further into the story. This is important because this film seems to focus much more on the experience of psychological/emotional trauma.

“The mind is a labyrinth,” Channard says, as he artfully performs a grotesque procedure on the brain of a patient. And so too is this reflected in H2′s depiction of Hell as an endless cthonic Labyrinth, where lost souls experience hallucinatory reflections of their traumas and vices, subjected to psychological and physical punishments eternally under the watchful eye of Leviathan, the “god of flesh, hunger, and desire.”

Leviathan as an entity is a rather interesting and ambiguous being. Certainly, it is a “god” of baseness and physicality, but it’s realm is made of psychological torment, perhaps more so than it is a place of physical torture. Whether you are a “good” or “bad” person is utterly irrelevant; if you are in Hell, your soul gets reflected back to you, often with a heavy focus on traumas of your past. For Kirsty this manifests in her childhood home and images of her mother, which begin bleed and transform into an image of Julia - and perhaps it manifests in Frank’s presence. Although according to Frank, Kirsty has stumbled across “his” little corner of hell which manifests “his” punishments, the first time I watched the film (before he explained where they were) I initially was convinced that behind this second door was another reflection of Kirsty, that it was another trial for her to face. It looked to be the exact same door as her own, and well, the writhing ghostly women under sheets seemed to be an image of sexual repression or fear of sexuality (the brief glimpse of the woman who Kirsty pulls the sheet off of has her hair, as well). Is this piece of hell reflecting Frank’s punishments, or Kirsty’s fears, trauma, possible repression, etc? Or is it reflecting both simultaneously? It’s still rather ambiguous to me, actually. But I digress.

The point is that there is this heavier focus on trauma in H2, where H1 was much more tightly focused on the folly of reckless, single-minded physicality without human connection. This focus on trauma adds a whole new layer of dimension to the narrative because “pain” itself is something much more complex, here. Here, it is revealed that the Cenobites were once humans, and that humanization of these creatures that were once presented to us as allegory and pure cosmic evil is very interesting. Rather than present the Cenobites as the ultimate culmination of personalities like Frank when consumed by Hell, it’s presented as if these Cenobites were perhaps relatively innocent people. Why then, do some people become Cenobites, while others stay as tormented souls? To me, the answer is still unclear. I'm not sure there actually is an answer, beyond the whims of Leviathan. (Channard is the obviously monstrous person who was changed, but he seemed to me to have been chosen as a tool in the moment and then discarded. ) That said, “suffering” itself is more than just the experience of physical pain; the psychological nature of hell implies that this is also internal suffering, and the Cenobites aren’t just entities there to enact physical torture. They are beings that exist in this eternal, perpetual suffering of all kinds, who speak of that experience as something sublime.

The Cenobites spend the majority of their time in both films popping up periodically to speak to Kirsty, from ominous threats of eternal torture, to invitation of joining them, to mocking her with insinuations that some part of her wants their world. For Kirsty, they are demons that reflect back to her all those fears and repressions, all her internal confusion and torment, which is what they spend most of their time doing in the first two films. In Hellraiser 3, there's more of this element of Cenobites as psychological reflections: Pinhead acts as a tempter, using the psyches of the humans he encounters to ensnare souls, which is why with J.P. he's literally consuming women, and for Terri, he switches gears to be the voice of female vengeance.

Earlier in the film, we are given multiple references to fairy tales, usually as used by older adults to mock and belittle Kirsty. The detective mocks her for making up fairy tales about “demons,” and Julia mocks her by comparing Kirsty to Snow White and herself to the Wicked Stepmother/Evil Queen. These side characters demoralize Kirsty in her idealistic efforts to rescue her father from Hell and fight back against forces much larger than herself that a more cynical person could scarcely imagine overcoming. Later, quite similarly to the west wing sequence in Beauty and the Beast (I think coincidentally so, Disney’s BATB came out a few years afterwards), Kirsty explores a dangerous place (Channard’s home) and finds an old, faded picture of a man who she recognizes as the monster she has previously encountered. Ultimately, Kirsty saves herself and another girl through an act almost unbelievably idealistic and naive, especially for such a dark story. She finds a way to transform a monster back into a human being. This was a victory won not with physical violence, but through humanity; a fairy-tale-esque triumph that flew in the face of those who tried to demoralize or deny Kirsty’s reality. Furthermore, this victory is not about the tragedy of Pinhead, but the triumph of humanity and empathy overcoming darkness.

There are a few expressions of human connection and empathy in these two films, like the care between Kirsty and her father, or the attraction between Kirsty and Steve, Kyle’s attraction and care for Kirsty, or Tiffany holding Kirsty as she cries over her father, But for me there was never quite a moment as striking and emotionally raw than when Kirsty and Spencer are looking at each other across the darkness once his human face is revealed. It feels like very artful, deliberate visual contrast to the circumstances and surroundings. But I digress.

So to clarify this picture: Kirsty is faced with monsters personifying everything that represented her trauma and fears, etc. They represented all-consuming physicality without humanity, they represented the things in herself she may have tried to suppress (sexuality, trauma, etc.). Monsters that wanted her to be as consumed by their world as they were. She then utilizes her demons to destroy her abuser, and later recognizes the humanity in her demons and transforms them, frees them from their spiritual and physical eternal torment, and in turn is saved from the same fate, herself.

The third film (which I enjoy despite the fact that it is admittedly a raging trash fire) features a cast of characters all dealing with similar situations. J.P. is our endlessly consumptive user, and Joey and Terri are two women dealing with spiritual trauma. Joey through the loss of her father, and Terri through a broken home life and later abuse at the hands of J.P. The reason why I include the third film in this is because of those additional elements and the insight it gives into Pinhead’s human self, Captain Spencer, and how he perfectly bookends the narrative. Spencer is another person who once opened the box, but it was never clear why he did so in the second film. In the third film, he explains that he was trying to escape spiritual suffering (war trauma/PTSD) through physical means ("forbidden pleasures,” aka kink). At some point he came across the box and opened it. While there are plenty of monstrous men in all three Hellraiser films, and Pinhead himself is a literal monster bent on taking any soul who opens the box with some form of desire in their hearts, my take away from H3 was not that Spencer himself was ever an abuser like Frank or J.P. (and indeed his behavior when lucidly himself in H2 and 3 is decidedly in immediate defense of women he cares about, up to and including two counts of total self-sacrifice), but that Spencer was perhaps pushing his explorations into unsafe realms of self-harming. He was punishing himself, and was thus made into a cosmic punisher of others by Leviathan. So, unlike Frank or Channard or J.P., people who are susceptible to the box/Hell’s temptations because of their need to endlessly consume, Spencer was susceptible because he was so effected by spiritual suffering that he turned towards unhealthy physical means of escape. In my mind, there is something in this idea of self-punishment/self-blame that is also potentially true of, say, Kirsty. How else would she be genuinely susceptible to the box (beyond basic desire having opened it initially), if not that she was teetering on a similar edge, herself? (However, I think perhaps her darkness also veers into a streak of sadistic vengefulness.)

This actually makes the extended cut of the H6 Pinhead/Kirsty reuinion scene a lot more tragic and distressing for me, because underneath all the bullshit, there’s this subtext of Kirsty still running from her Hell and yet still encountering consumptive, abusive men and being pushed off the deep end into untempered vengefulness and violence. And Spencer, who once was freed by her and in turn sacrificed himself to free her from Hell, trapped once more in his monsterous form and obsessing instead over dragging Kirsty down with him to be as endlessly consumed by her pain as he is within his own. No thanks on that grimdark noise, H6. ...but fucking wow, tho. If you've seen Hellseeker but have never seen the extended cut of this scene, I'm linking it Right Here. Warning for...just...ugh. Badly written infuriating creepy grimdark bullshit that genuinely sounds like a bad fanfiction writer wrote it. But at least you have that one moment right at the end where you can hear Spencer's voice come through to help her get free.

In conclusion, I think Hellraiser is a story about, well, Hell. But Hell not as nebulous place where the really bad people go, but Hell as an allegory for eternal spiritual suffering, that absolutely anyone can reach and be effected by once a gateway is opened for them. Particularly so when it comes to reckless physical indulgence, or consumption, or unsafe vice overtaking one’s humanity to others, or towards one’s self. So ultimately, the “moral of the story,” if you’d like to call it that, is that in order to protect one’s self from being consumed by spiritual suffering, one must cherish and cultivate their own humanity, and in the case of people who have been traumatized and/or victimized, one must fight back against the consuming force of that spiritual suffering through confronting the hell that exists within. Sometimes that doesn’t mean blasting the darkness away and ignoring it’s existence, it means reminding the darkness that it is only human.

[Regarding the content of the films, feel free to message me if you decide to watch them but you feel you need a total break-down of what to prepare for.]

#Hellraiser #This is my meta post for this weekend #some of you are not as keen on DW or are on it less often I know #so here you go my dudes #if you see me around too often call me out on it #Horror #Meta

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