#grishaverse kaz oneshot
Note
Hii Lisa my beloved!💕💕 I'm in my Kaz phase again and some stupid ideas have been running through my head constantly. Hoping you could turn it into a wonderful fic, if you like the idea of course.
Kaz x reader with slight Nikolai x reader😌
So, reader is a Grisha with healing abilities (hidden like Alina). After a tragic event, the loss of their family hit hard and they were taken into care by some people that worked at the palace. That's where reader met Nikolai, they became best friends and later enrolled in Army, became lovers all of that. Reader's healing powers were slightly special in the sense that when they used them there was a golden glow all around, making the wrong people believe reader was a sun summoner. After being madly in love for some time, reader got kidnapped for their powers. Tortured for 2 years, reader was saved by our lovely Crows. Reader believed Nikolai never looked for them (false because he did desperately until he ran away and became Sturmhond after believing that reader died)
Reader becomes a Crow, falls in love with Kaz, they have a relationship for 2 years or so and then, one day they fight about something and right at that time, Nikolai makes his way to their bar. Reader and Nikolai have an emotional meeting that leaves Kaz insecure and jealous.
The ending...well I think reader should stay with Kaz buut I'm not opposed to something else👀
Whatever you want my dear Lisa. I hope this makes sense and it's not too insane. I love you and thank you💕
my beloved!!! this request is literally incredible, why are your ideas always exquisite????
masterlist
You don’t like it when Ketterdam is quiet. This jilted city of yours is always loud, always rowdy, and on the few instances in which it isn’t, the whole place seems to hold its breath, just waiting for something bad to happen. Sometimes you hear things you shouldn’t when there’s no background noise to cover it up. Sometimes, worst of all, you dream.
This dream is not a good one. You only know this after waking. The dream leaves quickly, as all dreams do, slipping back away under cover of night to haunt some other sleeper. You let it pool in your trembling hands, dripping out through your fingers despite your best attempts to stop it from abandoning you. It must have been a tumultuous dream indeed, because for a moment you thought you were back. Back in Ravka. Back with him.
Ravka is not yours anymore. It was, once upon a time, or so you let yourself believe. You were born in a small village near Adena, home mostly to craftsmen without merit and tradesmen with a fear of leaving their homes. It was a quiet, get-what-you-will existence for the most part, up until the point when you reattached a woman’s severed leg with a wave of your hand and discovered you were a Grisha.
Healers are valuable commodities in a war-torn nation, and you were shipped off to Os Alta before you knew it. It would have been lonely there in a city fiercely divided between Grisha and non-Grisha, were it not for the one friend you made there. A prince, of all people. A second son who wanted nothing more to run. Nikolai Lantsov.
You and Nikolai were just children when you met. It took years of close friendship for you to trust each other enough to fall in love, and even then, it was your best kept secret. Princes do not fall in love with witches. Grisha do not fall in love with mortal men. You kissed him behind locked doors and swore it would be enough for you, even if it wasn’t.
Perhaps it would have been, if Fate had been content to let you rest in mere complacency. There was one singular trait that separated you from the rest of the Corporalnik Healers at the Little Palace, one minor mark of difference. You can heal a patient just as well as anybody else, but for some reason, you glow when you do it. A warm, golden light emits from your palms whenever you use your gifts. His sunbeam, Nikolai used to call you.
Maybe people listened in too closely when they shouldn’t have. Maybe someone connected dots that didn’t exist. Maybe it’s just that in a country like Ravka, a country split by the Shadow Fold, a country in desperate need of Saints, it would be easy to overlook someone’s mortality in the hopes of discovering their own salvation.
That’s your best guess as to what happened to you. What you remember best is the aftermath, not the reason. You were taken from Os Alta in the dead of night, your hands bound in chains so you couldn’t fight or use your gift. You tried to scream, but they had a Squaller, a damned traitor, who stole the breath from your lungs before any sound could be heard.
They tortured you for two months, hoping you’d break and show that you really were the Sun Summoner they’d get paid to sell. It never happened, so they dug harder, cut you more, cared even less. You waited in dark and squalid rooms for someone to rescue you, someone like Nikolai, but no one came. No one Ravkan, at least.
You always wondered if you could put a time cap on the love of a prince. It turns out you can: four months and six days is all it took for Nikolai Lantsov to give up on you. You spent four months and six days waiting for him before hearing that he’d officially stopped mourning you in public to go to university, and the remainder of those two years in wondering how little he must have cared for you to give up just like that.
You have no doubt that your captors would have spent far longer than two pathetic years in trying to extract a Sun Saint from your exhausted spirit were it not for your rescuer. A far different savior than you expected, to be sure, far more bloodthirsty than any guardian angel you’ve ever heard about, but he did the job. He always does.
That’s Dirtyhands for you, you suppose, he gets what he wants. And if what he wants is a Healer at the low cost of having to break into a smuggler’s ship while it paused briefly in the Kerch harbor for supplies, so be it. Kaz Brekker was there for money and he was there for a new soldier to serve in his gang. You happened to fit both bills.
At first, you hadn’t known if you were actually safe or in even more danger than before. At least Kaz wasn’t torturing you outright– that was a start, wasn’t it? You didn’t trust him in the slightest at first, nor him with you. It took months of slow, apprehensive acceptance for that to happen.
It took longer for hesitant acquaintanceship to turn into friendship, and for friendship to turn to something more. Something like happiness. Something like the pure contentment of knowing that there is one person out there who would burn the whole world down if you were ever hurt. Nikolai mourned you for an appropriate time, but if the roles were reversed and you were in Ketterdam when you were kidnapped, Kaz would never accept your loss.
He’s all but told you this himself. There was one instance in your first six months of being in the Barrel when another Grisha hunter decided you would make decent prey. You were only an hour later than expected, but ten men were killed and a pleasure house burnt to the ground by the time Kaz got you back. You never feared getting taken again. You think he’s quite proud of that, even if he’ll never admit it to a living soul. Only the dead tell no tales.
So the Barrel is your home, so bloody kruge becomes your daily bread and butter. You wouldn’t want any other life. There is always the fear that you would someday lose that confidence, but you swore that time was over. Apparently not, though.
All that time spent learning to live again, and you still wake up in cold sweats, half sure that you’re back in your birth country and no better off than when you started. Kaz doesn’t deserve that. Your guilty conscience makes you want to beg his forgiveness, so you slip out of your room and up the stairs to his office without a second thought.
You know better than to think that Kaz Brekker would be asleep a few hours past dawn. You’re not entirely sure that he ever sleeps at all. It wouldn’t surprise you if he found a way to optimize his waking hours such that he never needed to close his eyes. Being able to capitalize on the time everyone else spent sleeping would certainly give him a leg up in the race of the Barrel rats.
Sometimes, when he’s feeling charitable, Kaz lets you heal him just a little bit, not the sort of injury reduction associated with broken bones but that of eliminating exhaustion. You’ve learned how to use your gifts without touching skin. Maybe that’s why he wanted your skills on his side in the first place, just in case.
The door creaks slightly when you come in. It is well within Kaz’s powers to oil the dratted thing, but you think he likes the sound. It serves as a warning of an intruder if he needs one, a reminder that he is no longer alone. It tells him that you are here now, and he looks up from his seat at his desk. The only sign that these aren’t normal working hours for anyone else is the slight dishevelment of his appearance, dark hair falling haphazardly over his eyes from being frustratedly pushed out of the way one too many times, his clothes rumpled and jacket removed.
“Couldn’t sleep?” He asks.
“Could you?” You return.
Kaz rolls his eyes. “I don’t need sleep.”
“Of course you do,” you say matter-of-factly, “You’re still human, Kaz, despite your best efforts to turn yourself into a machine.”
“I think it would be less productive to be a machine,” Kaz muses as he considers the stacks of ledgers before him, “think of the rust. Also, I don’t trust any gadget not to break down when you need it most.”
You snort, closing the door behind you and walking to the window behind his desk. “Machines aren’t the only ones breaking down all the time. People do that too.”
Your voice trails off on your last sentence, and Kaz cuts off his stare with his ledgers, turning his chair to face you. When he speaks again, his tone is gentle. It would surprise anyone but you.
“You’ve had another nightmare about Ravka again, haven’t you?”
You deliberate over your words, opting instead to perch on Kaz’s window seat and draw your legs up to your chest. He already knows the answer, anyway. “Yes,” you reply at last.
Kaz nods once. “It’s not real. The dream.”
You laugh bitterly. “I know that. I just hate the way I keep thinking about that place. It makes me feel weak.”
Kaz frowns. “You’re not weak. If you were, I never would have hired you.”
You can’t stop a faint grin from flitting across your face. “So romantic, Kaz.”
“Isn’t it?” He asks.
You glance at him over your shoulder and register genuine bewilderment on your face. To Kaz, you suppose, that is the height of romance after all. A true validation of your worth, a promise that you are enough.
It makes you smile. “You’re right,” you decide, “it is. It’s good to know my position is safe.”
“You’re safe,” Kaz repeats. He stands, walking over to the window. He doesn’t lean against you, but you can feel the exhale of his breath on your shoulder, the ghost of the touch you will never force him to give. “I will make sure of it.”
The two of you stare out the window at the rising sun. A new dawn is coming, bringing with it a new day, new surprises. Some of those surprises, as it turns out, will be far more shocking than you could have ever envisioned.
You’d like to say that you recovered from your nightmare pretty quickly after that, and you did collect your wits, but the jittery feeling stays with you well into the evening. You decide to stop by the Crow Club once dusk sets in, both as a favor to Kaz and for yourself. Once you do your usual perusal of tables, only having to point out one particularly gifted cheater to the guards, you allow yourself to drift over to the bar and order your favorite drink.
You see Jesper briefly in between rounds of Makker’s Wheel and talk idly for a few moments before he drifts off again. The Crow Club, albeit one of the fastest places in Kerch for money to leave your pockets, still feels like home to you. The rowdy hubbub, the dim lights, all of it is yours and has been for some time now. The Barrel is not safe, but this is Kaz’s place, and that means you never feel threatened so long as you’re within its walls.
Maybe that’s why you don’t register the new presence until it’s too late to run. The thought that the young man standing before you could ever be here at all is utterly bewildering. This is the Barrel, this is your mess of dingy canals and hopeless cases. What reason could Nikolai Lantsov possibly have to bring him down these parts?
You blink and he’s standing there staring at you like he’s seen a ghost. All the cockiness drains from his step as his jaw unapologetically drops. It is loud in here, but you swear the volume drops just long enough for you to hear him with perfect accuracy as Nikolai whispers:
“Y/N?”
He says it like a prayer delivered by a dying man, every syllable infused with impossible hope. You don’t respond, but something in your expression must confirm his question anyway. Either that or your face has changed so little in the five years since you saw him last that Nikolai can recognize you anyway, even in the smoke-filled haven of the Crow Club.
He draws forward by impulse, steps quickening the closer he gets to you. In all honesty, you have no idea what he is about to do, nor how you would respond, so you find yourself unquestionably grateful when Kaz emerges out of nowhere to stand in between you and Ravka’s younger prince.
Nikolai pulls up short to avoid running into him. “Who,” Kaz says, voice low but cold as a blade, “are you?”
Nikolai’s gaze darts past Kaz to lock squarely on you. You find yourself answering in his stead. “This is Nikolai.”
You can’t see Kaz’s expression from this angle, but you can imagine the way his eyes must narrow anyway. “Nikolai from Ravka?”
“The very one,” Nikolai replies, a touch of that same bravado in his tone you remembered so well.
Kaz scoffs. “Impossible. How’d you cross the Shadow Fold, then, prince?”
Nikolai gestures to himself, and only now once the initial shock of seeing him is starting to fade away do you realize how absurdly he’s dressed. “I left Ravka when I thought Y/N died. I go by a different name now. Sturmhond.”
You laugh in spite of yourself, a high sound bordering almost on fright. “You became a pirate?”
“Privateer,” he corrects, and judging by the quick answer you’re guessing it’s the same knee-jerk response he gives to everybody.
Kaz shifts slightly, allowing you to see the glare he’s not bothering to hide. “And what are you doing in my city, privateer?”
Nikolai swallows hard. “I heard a rumor about a Healer. A Healer whose hands glowed when she saved someone’s life. I had to know.”
Kaz looks like he wants to physically cut the source of this information out of Nikolai’s throat, but you beat him to it. “Why would you care now? You never tried to find me.”
Nikolai’s eyes flash. “I tried every day until I heard you were dead. I mourned for months.”
“Heard,” Kaz comments, “you never found a body?”
“Obviously not,” Nikolai says, glancing towards you again, “Why didn’t you come back to Ravka, Y/N? Why didn’t you try to find me? I missed you. I loved you. I still do.” He holds out a hand to you. “My ship leaves in one week’s time. Come home with me.”
You find yourself flinching back. Since your first days on the shores of Ketterdam, you’ve long since learned to disguise any sign of weakness, but Kaz knows you well enough to look for signs of trouble in even your slightest of expressions.
The small catch of your breath now tells him all he needs to know regarding Nikolai’s offer. Kaz’s hands curl around his cane, causing the black leather to crease like skin. “Y/N is safe here, Lantosov. She doesn’t need your war-torn country.”
Nikolai’s brow furrows. “Who are you to speak for her?”
“I’m the one who actually saved her instead of giving up,” Kaz says simply, “I’m the one who gave her a home.”
Nikolai’s eyes flit to you again, and you nod. “I loved you, Nikolai, it’s true, but I moved on when you did. Ketterdam is where I belong. My time in Ravka is over.”
You see Kaz straighten up imperceptibly by your side. From the way he’d spoken to Nikolai, you hadn’t thought he harbored a shred of uncertainty regarding where you would want to go, but it appears that his worst fears were assuaged by you asserting that you wanted to stay with him.
Nikolai swallows hard. “I won’t blame you for wanting to come home.” Only myself, you can sense him mentally adding on. It is a shame that time has not robbed you of the ability to tell what he’s thinking.
“I already am home, Nikolai.” You tell him.
He nods and leaves without another word. You watch him go, and he does not look back. Nikolai has had quite a long time to mourn your absence. Tonight may have set him back a little bit, but you have no doubt that he will recover just as he did before.
“Thank you for staying,” Kaz murmurs when Nikolai disappears from the club.
“Thank you for fighting to keep me here,” you whisper back.
Kaz’s eyes are sharp when they meet yours. “I will always fight for you.”
That, you think, is the difference between him and Nikolai in the end. Nikolai will carry your memory with him wherever he goes, but Kaz would never allow someone to take you from him in the first place. He would go to war to keep you safe. In a way, you think he already has.
You have the perfect view of Fifth Harbor from Kaz’s office window. You wonder if he planned it that way, so he could see both who was entering his life and who was leaving it. The two of you stand and watch Nikolai’s ship leave for Ravka once more. You wondered if it would hurt to see a ticket back to your place of birth evaporate from between your fingers, but it doesn’t. It’s just like you told Nikolai, isn’t it? You are already home. There is no need to leave.
requested by @zaypay, i hope you enjoy!
grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @retvenkos, @thatfangirl42, @amortensie, @story-scribbler, @gods-fools-heroes, @bl606dy, @auggie2000
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Hiii, could you write a nikokai fic where reader is like in love with kaz but he doesn't really pay attention to her. And then the crows meet sturmhond because of a heist and he takes interest in the reader form the first moment he sae her and makes her fall in love with him. And then whatever you want lol. Maybe kaz being jealous idk.
Sorry for any grammatical mistake, english it's not my first language.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞
Masterlist<3
Summary: After years of being in love with the one and only Kaz Brekker, breaking her own heart, Y/N meets someone else...
Pairing: Sturmhond x fem!inferni!reader, Kaz Brekker x fem!reader
Warnings: The usual crow violence, DRINKING, jealous Kaz, mean Kaz, "unrequited" love for a little while, Matthias is alive and well like in the books duh but this is ofc before Nikolai becomes king, idc I just want my Fjerdan hunk happy in Ketterdam, curse words, kind of a messy timeline. HURT AND NO COMFORT. Lmk if I missed any.
Word Count: 2.9K!!
Requested: Yes
A/N: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! :( I've been looking forward to getting to this specific request because oh my god, also, I changed it up a little; making Kaz actually be in love with reader but never really trying anything. Tysm for requesting love! Hope you enjoy :)
˚ · • . °
Exhaustion. That's what she felt, and to be honest, it was even more frustrating when Y/N knew she was doing it to herself. Those persistent yet futile attempts at reading Kaz's silence or gaze as something else; a love message, a confession of his sins, any sign of vulnerability reserved for her. However, these attempts, though fervent, ultimately proved fruitless.
How could she confirm what she thought she saw if, after, say, he appeared distressed at her being in danger or fumed when some dick was being extra disgusting at the bar that night; he went back to being his usual cold self?
When she finally obtained concrete evidence that disproved her misconceptions ("Jesper, she prefers black coffee" or "Y/N, could you join me in my office for a moment?" simply to spend time together in quietude), he strategically distanced himself throughout the week, transforming those precious moments of tranquility and companionship into ordinary occurrences, leading her to, somehow, misunderstand them.
Another shot of vodka and the pain her thoughts evoked was replaced by the burning, bitter sensation in her tongue and throat. "A hangover won't make Kaz let you stay behind tomorrow, you know that?" Matthias smiled next to her.
Since he joined the crows, the Fjerdan had taken a special liking to his girlfriend's best friend; she was funny, kind hearted and could keep up his pace in drinking games. Nina couldn't be happier to see her loves get along so well, saying it's her dream come true. "Oh don't even start, Matthias" Y/N answered, feigning annoyance as she poured more of the burning liquid into her glass and pulled out another for her friend.
They silently toasted to nothing in particular and chatted about their books as they usually did. Matthias' romance novel had an interesting love triangle Y/N was eager to read when he was finished. From how he talked about it, the girl knew it was just her type of story. They were in the middle of a playful argument about a plot-hole Y/N thought she found when Kaz approached them.
His usual demeanor seemed a bit... shaken. If you asked the blonde, he'd say he only looked more agitated, but Y/N/N knew better; his hair was covering his forehead slightly, but he wasn't brushing it back. The limp was prominent still, yet he wasn't using his cane. Kaz was in a rush to get to her, maybe?.
"One of your fellow countrymen is starting a turmoil outside, doesn't speak Kerch. Will you please, for the tree's sake, go and talk some sense into his thick blonde skull?" Saints, why did she like him so much? Even like that, Y/N thought he looked rather divine. Matthias stood up from his seat and directed himself to the entrance.
"Since when do you care for what happens outside that door?" She asked with a grin, genuinely curious. "I wouldn't if he wasn't scaring off the pigeons. No wealthy tourist will endure the trouble that some drunk Fjerdan means just to get inside a place full of people that'll take his money" the boy explained, looking down at her.
Kaz's complexion, kissed by the soft glow of the candles, is pale yet flawless, as if untouched by the harshness of the world he inhabits. His sharp, well-defined features give him an air of enigmatic sophistication, further heightened by the way the light dances upon his cheekbones, emphasizing their elegant structure.
Y/N realizes she's staring. She looks away.
The bastard smirks. "Finding something intriguing, are we?" And oh, she wanted to stab him to see if that would wipe the stupid grin he carried. "Oh, please, Kaz. You give yourself too much credit. I was merely lost in thought, contemplating the mysteries of the world. Your face happened to be in the line of sight, that's all."
Quick, sarcastic answer, as if the seconds between her silence confirmed even further what he was saying. He scoffed, drinking the remains of alcohol on Matthias' glass and fixed his hair in the process. "Stop drinking, a hangover won't spare you from our meeting tomorrow".
˚ · • . °
She should've listened. The crashing waves outside only intensified the discomfort, while the salty breeze seemed to carry a tinge of regret. Even the beauty of the sea she was now too used to felt distant and inaccessible, overshadowed by the haze of her post-indulgence remorse.
Nina, taunting Matthias with a mature Ravkan song and Jesper shooting bottles in the warehouse, created an uneasy atmosphere for hungover Y/N. This unsettling environment made it difficult for her to focus on evaluating any potential deals they were to discuss with the privateer Kaz said they were meeting that day. Also, they had been waiting for over an fifteen minutes now! She was surprised Kaz was waiting still.
He checked his pocket watch subtly, sighing at the tardiness of their Ravkan guests. Then, he looked over at Y/N. Even with those deep baggy eyes and with her head on her hands in exasperation, she managed to awaken that odd feeling in his chest. He hated it. No, he despised it.
If he ever accepted that he was down hard for the girl, he could also get over the fact that she, too, liked him. Well, he wasn't dumb! There was no denying that Y/N's actions warmed his heart. He just knew loving was a dangerous thing to do, a weakness he couldn't afford after spending years building a reputation in Ketterdam.
Then came a loud bang on the heave wooden doors of the warehouse. "Fucking finally" Y/N sighed, going to open the door herself before anyone would, wanting nothing but to end this as soon as possible so she could go back home to sleep. She grabbed the handle and pulled, the bright light outside blinding her momentarily before seeing the privateer and his crew.
"Hello gorgeous! Here to see Mr. Brekker. I'm guessing you're one of his associates?" A sharp, slightly deep voice greeted. The girl shielded her eyes from the light and found captain smily offering his hand out. In Ketterdam, rumours ran as quick as blood on pavement; Sturmhond knew that. He needed no introduction. Every person involved in not so legal activities who didn't live under a rock had heard at least once about the dog of the sea.
She took it, shaking gently. "Y/N Y/L/N, but if you prefer nicknames, call me Haepha". Then she stepped aside, pretending not to notice the smirk on Sturmhond's face so his partners could come in. The rumors hadn't done justice to his captivating presence.
The charismatic privateer stood tall, his dark hair falling in unruly waves that added to his allure. His piercing blue eyes seemed to hold a world of secrets, and a mischievous smile played across his lips. Dressed in opulent garments that exuded confidence and flair, Sturmhond commanded attention with every step as his crew and he approached the rest of the crows.
"I'll stick to your name for now doll, too pretty not to use," And the bastard winked at Y/N, making a Shu girl who was walking behind him with the same confidence giggle. The worst thing about pretty men is they know they're pretty, and knew damn well how to get away with being cocky. She knew his type, so she brushed the wink off and walked towards her friends.
Kaz and Sturmhond shook hands. Everyone who was fast enough grabbed a seat in old boxes or even on the floor. Jesper offered Y/N his seat, knowing that the vodka she drank last night was no merciful rival, and stood behind her alongside his boyfriend. Inej lingered sitting in a window near them as Matthias and Nina remained standing, contrary to all the privateers' team.
Kaz started making introductions, all a mere formality, Y/N knew. "You've met Y/N, our inferni. Behind him are Jesper, sharp-shooter, and Wylan, our demo-man. The blonde wall-resembling man over there is Matthias, and Nina is a heartrender. Inej in the window, our Wraith" he pointed, everyone nodding or waving at the dark-haired man.
"A Wraith alright, didn't notice you were there sweetheart!" He pointed out and then introduced the twins; Tolya and Tamar. As well as Anya and Andrei, who were two members of his ship's company who wanted to come by and see who they were working with. When that was taken care of, plans were strategized by both leaders and positions were given to each member.
Y/N knew Kaz was characterized by having plans from A to Z for very elaborate heists, but even this one seemed out of his reach, almost too ambitious. But if Sturmhond's name lived up to the myth, nothing was quite impossible for him and Kaz's love for money could get him to plot even the tiniest detail.
Their objective this time was to steal some kind of jewel called "the moon's tears". It was a gem said to be worth four million kruge, to be bargained for even more; the crows' biggest heist yet. The vault it was in was widely known for its impenetrable security measures, including seemingly impenetrable barriers, intricate lock mechanisms, and a team of highly skilled guards.
Those two were absolutely insane! Even before one considered the noble who owned the vault and therefore the gem they were trying to steal, knew Kaz from the past. It was an extremely peculiar coincidence that a masquerade ball was taking place some distance away from the location of the vault, which represented the perfect opportunity for the work.
This would allow them to exploit the lack of security and sweep the gem away. Nina would ideally take care of the distraction, to keep the nobleman from returning home too quick, but her heartrending abilities would be helpful to make a quick work to make the few officers guarding the vault doze off.
So it became Y/N's job. A job she was to complete with Sturmhond.
After the meeting ended and Y/N's headache had worsened, a deep voice was heard from behind her. She turned to find the charming privateer flashing a smile at her. "Looking forward to working with you, darling" He commented, offering his hand out and all. She took it and shook half-heartedly, eager to just go home and sleep for the rest of the evening.
"Me too, handsome" Irony laced in her tone. "Doesn't seem like it, you alright? You look like a ghost. Lovely, yes, but still ghostly" The comment made her smile, tightening the grasp on his hand but not shaking anymore "Just hungover s'all" "Told you so!" Jesper proclaimed from their side as everyone directed themselves to the door.
The privateer smiled sweetly. "Got any plans this evening?" "Other than rotting in my room until my body stops hurting? Not really. Why?" Y/N looked down briefly, realizing she still hadn't let go of his hand and then released her grasp "Well, if my days at sea have thought me anything other than how to read the stars..." he started, tapping the necklace with a star charm the girl sported.
A "gift" from Kaz (some jewelry that wasn't redeemed from a heist he let her keep). "...is how to cure a hangover. Mind coming with me to a bar? You can decide which". Going to a bar with a complete stranger who had a reputation of being in trouble most of the time and who she were to work with? Sure thing.
"Promise youll make it go away?" "Promise".
˚ · • . °
And what a plot twist he was. Jesper had jokingly said to the girl that she shouldn't take a privateer's word but he did termiante her hangover with some strange, black-ish liquid she didn't dare to ask the composition of. Then they drank more.
As the drinks arrived, they raised their glasses, the clink of crystal breaking the spell of their silent connection. Sturmhond smiled, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "To new adventures and unexpected encounters," he proposed, his voice smooth and velvety.
Y/N couldn't help but return the smile, feeling the warmth of excitement spread through her veins. "To embracing the unknown," she replied, raising her glass in agreement. They took a sip, the flavors dancing on their tongues. A comfortable silence settled between them, allowing the sounds of the bar to envelop them. After a moment, Sturmhond leaned in, his voice low and captivating.
"So, Y/N, what brings you to this lawless corner of the world?". He asked, genuine curiosity lacing his words. Y/N's eyes sparkled as she recounted her journey, the challenges she faced, and the dreams that fueled her determination. Sturmhond listened intently, his attention unwavering, as if she held the secrets of a hidden treasure.
As she spoke, Y/N couldn't help but notice the genuine interest in Sturmhond's eyes. He asked thoughtful questions and shared stories of his own adventures, effortlessly weaving tales of daring escapades that left Y/N hanging on his every word.
The conversation flowed effortlessly, a seamless exchange of ideas, dreams, and aspirations. Time seemed to melt away as they delved into deeper discussions, finding solace in the connection they were building. Laughter intertwined with their words, a symphony of shared amusement and understanding.
They became lost in each other's company, entranced by the way their thoughts aligned and their hearts danced to the same rhythm. And as the night wore on, their conversation continued, their new found connection growing stronger with every passing moment.
She couldn't help but think of Kaz, when exiting the bar, and on the way back to The Slat. When would he ever, in a million years, make her feel so seen? How could he? He seemed to be nothing but cold and a bad type of confusing to the girl.
Y/N was not blind, either. Sturmhond was known for his endless romantic encounters with women across the sea, and he was interested in her. Now, she could not deny the guy was a charming boy too pretty for this Earth, sharp as a knife and, as she found out that evening, shared a lot of ideals and interests with her.
Could he maybe work as a rebound? Maybe. Would she shamelessly use him as that? Could be. Having his eyes on her that whole meeting was no coincidence, and she liked his attention. Maybe what mends a broken heart was a handsome privateer.
They agreed to meet up the next day, his treat.
˚ · • . °
Back at the Slat, Kaz was fuming. No, not fuming; seething. A bar outing? She just met him! He could not believe his eyes when they were talking hand in hand like they had known each other from a previous lifetime.
In the little time that had passed since (most of) the crows had returned from the meeting, Kaz had already gotten four drunks kicked out, death-stared a group of dregs twice so they'd shorten their break time to get them to work and downed four vodka shots.
Why was he this mad? She wasn't even his and as far as she knew; he had no intentions of being hers either. The boy couldn't be mad at her, but he was, and Kaz knew very well he was being a big selfish shit. He could not blame Y/N either; the bastard she had been crushing on gives no signs of interest but a privateer handsome as the devil shows up with his attention completely focused on her? Of course she'd fall.
He just hated that feeling.
It's presence looms, heavy and suffocating, wrapping its tendrils around the heart, constricting with an iron grip. It whispers sweet poison into the mind, distorting reality and fueling irrational fears. Like a tempestuous storm, it rages within, lightning crackling with envy, thunder rumbling with resentment. It paints the world in hues of green, tarnishing every joyous moment with a bitter aftertaste.
And then his heart sunk into the depths of his dark soul when he saw them walk in hand in hand. That was the first time Y/N had walked into a room and not looked for him, he noticed. She was laughing at something Sturmhond had said as they walked up the stairs until they reached the door of Y/N's room. He kissed her hand and she kissed his cheek.
The privateer then walked down the stairs, noticing Kaz staring.
"She's one of a kind, that one... Might stay a bit more after the job's done. See you tomorrow, Brekker"
The feeling was now leaving an empty, bottomless void in his soul. He bottomed his shot glass then poured another one.
˚ · • . °
Time kept ticking and the void intensified, but Kaz learnt how to deal with it.
He learnt how to deal with it when he kissed her after the job was done.
He learnt how to deal with it when Y/N took a break from the crows to leave with him for six months.
He learnt how to deal with it when she returned from her trip, beautiful tan skin and a diamond on her finger.
He learnt how to deal with it when he saw her crying herself to sleep because she missed him.
He learnt how to deal with it when she left for good.
He learnt how to deal with it when she was named queen of Ravka.
Kaz just learnt how to live with the shame and regret of not recognizing that the one thing he needed was right in front of him, hoping she'd have a place next to him.
˚ · • . ° .
Hi! Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed:) I'm actually sorry for this one...
Remember, the best way to support writer’s works on here is by REBLOGGING WITH TAGS. I’d very much appreciate it if you did!
Thanks again, stranger. Hope you have a nice day<3
NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO REPOST AS THEIR OWN/TRANSLATE/OR COPY MY WORK IN ANY PLATFORM OR SPACE WITHOUT MY EXPLICIT CONSENT.
#kaz brekker#six of crows#kaz brekker x reader#shadow and bone#grishaverse#six of crows x reader#grishaverse x reader#kaz brekker imagine#kaz brekker fic#kazbrekker#kaz x reader#kaz brekker fanfic#kaz brekker angst#kaz brekker smut#kaz brekker oneshot#nikolai lantsov imagines#nikolai lanstov#prince nikolai#nikolai lantsov#nikolai lantsov fluff#nikolai lantsov smut#nikolai lantsov x reader#nikolai lanstov x y/n#nikolai lanstov x reader#grishaverse oneshot#grishaverse headcanons#grishaverse fanfic#grishaverse imagines
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Kaz Brekker x gender neutral!Reader (oneshot)
Coat Buddies
In which Kaz and Y/n go back and forth sharing a coat and little messages. (Fluff)
Author's Note: yes, I'm well aware there are plenty of these, but I figured I'd try my hand at it. It's also a hold over until I work on "Dirtyhands and the Bloodbender". Enjoy! 🧡 Not related to DatB at all, just a little oneshot I wanted to write. I've also decided that all oneshot author's notes will now be in orange, just because I think it looks cool.
Kaz Brekker has an incredibly nice coat. Warm wool lining, pockets galore, even a secret section where a dagger could perfectly fit. So, naturally, like the thief they are, Y/n decided to steal it. They planned on returning it, of course, so one could consider it merely borrowing. It's not as though they did a job with it on and got his coat torn to bits in the process. There were only a few scratches and maybe one or two tears, if you were really looking.
The next time Kaz wears his coat, (noting how it looked worse for wear right away) he'd found a little crumpled note in his pocket. The words were written in slanted, hurried cursive, ink smudged along the parchment. "Your coat is nice. Unlike you." His lips quirk at the message. It's not untrue, and it's phrased as more of a random observation than an insult. After all, who really expects the bastard of the Barrel to be nice?
Y/n slips on the coat, fingers fumbling over the buttons. Black stitches close the damaged parts of the coat, nearly invisible in the soft cloth. The bloodstains have been washed, like the coat had never been worn in the first place. They shove their hands into their pockets, winding their way through the crowds in the streets. Snow comes down in sheets, the ground two steps away covered with white. Their gloved fingers close over a square of paper. Y/n pulls it out, squinting at the note. It's not their own; the paper is too smooth, the handwriting too neat. "Oh? I'm not the one stealing coats."
"I can't help it. For someone called Dirtyhands, you keep your coat surprisingly clean," reads the next note, tucked between a small tin of jurda and a bar of dark chocolate.
The next note is written on the paper wrapping of a new chocolate bar. "I keep it clean so I can find things. Unlike you, who keeps shoving things into my pockets."
"What can I say? I'm a talented lockpick and thief. I need somewhere to put my stuff. If you don't want me to steal from pigeons, you should have never recruit me to the Dregs." A little smile is scrawled next to the words. Kaz can't help but grin as he carefully pens out his response.
Y/n finds the next note in the special knife pocket, beside the double edged dagger they'd stashed there earlier. "I don't care if you steal things, love. Maybe your next target should be someone with a nice coat, hm?"
"Well that's no fun. After all, these exchanges are the best part of my day."
The back and forth exchange goes on for months. The snowy months give way, melting over the cobblestones, the days becoming as sunny as possible in Ketterdam. This time, when Y/n goes to pull Kaz's coat off the hook, eagerly awaiting a note, it's not there. Kaz is, hands in the pockets of his coat.
"Hey boss." Y/n sheepishly waves. They have no real reason to be nervous. It's not like Kaz knows their the one taking his coat.
"You've been taking my coat." Kaz says with a deadpan expression. Of course he knew.
"Is there a problem with that?" They cross their arms. It's always dangerous to stand up to Kaz Brekker, but Y/n's never been one to stay on safety's side. Kaz shrugs, pulling out a package from behind his desk. It's wrapped in black paper, tied with silver ribbon. "What's this?"
Kaz doesn't respond, only tossing the package to Y/n, who catches it after fumbling. They rip into it with a bit of effort. In the midst of the torn paper, folded and still new, rests a coat. It's identical to Kaz's, only in their size, and orange thread on the cuffs of the sleeves the bright color of jurda. "So you don't keep stealing my coat."
"Thanks." Both teens stand in the silent. Even though both of them are deadly, both broken and torn, they're at peace. Y/n turns to leave when Kaz calls after them.
"Y/n. If you wanted to keep borrowing my coat, I wouldn't be against it." Y/n grins, before nodding and leaving Kaz's office.
#kaz brekker#six of crows#grishaverse#bookworm center#fanfic#kaz brekker x reader#oneshot#six of crows oneshot
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SNEAKY LITTLE FOX
| Kaz Brekker and fem y/n|
Y/n, a secret Crow for all the team but Kaz, finds her boss jerking off in his dorm after she goes to visit him for job matters only.
You can find part 2 here
⚠️ Warnings: obscene words, masturbation.
I apologize in advance for any misspelling/grammatical error🥲 I did proofread it a thousand times before posting it but just in case you find one I'm truly sorry, my main language isn't English. Now let's spice things up a bit bahaha
Kaz Brekker was known for many things as nicknames he has been given. The complete opposite happened with y/n, "the fox", as he once called her.
She was one of the Crows, but no other member of the group knew of her existence, only Kaz knew, part of it was due to the deal they made where she prohibited Kaz to tell anyone else about her.
Kaz was good with it, but he was doubting that feeling now. It's been over a year, and this weird sensation has only gotten bigger, more condescending, and more... impossible to hold back.
He was 23 years old now, it's been years since Inej left Ketterdam and he was good with it, he knew he wouldn't be able to give her what she deserved anyways. Currently, his mind was foggy with y/n face more than usual, his ears repeated her sarcastic, yet captivating voice. And when it came of her body... ohh.
He has found himself craving for touch as much as he despised skin-to-skin touch. He has made some progress with it through the years though. He would sit on his desk chair or his bed and would find himself stroking his cock after a long day to get rid of the huge stress.
But what he didn't know, is that y/n was nearby in every one of those moments. She didn't stand there much of course, but it was as if the saints would lead her to see him touching himself just to make her panic. She has caught him doing it several times in the last 5 months. Every time it happened, y/n would leave the second she saw his bare hand grabbing something between his legs, she would never break his privacy like that.
And, as she never stood over 3 seconds, she never got the chance of hearing her name leave his mouth. Sometimes as low growls, other times as whimpers, and right now, it was a mix of both.
His mind had a good side beside the terrible one. The bad one was his memories frequently tormenting him, and the good one, was the ability he had to imagine her body like a picture, one he has never seen yet found printed in his mind.
He could imagine how her light brown eyes would look up at his body while his thrusts got faster, going in and out of her, the throbbing sound mixed with the moans echoing in the room. He also imagined how her eyes rolled to the back of her head while she muttered his name, or even better, screamed it.
"Hmmm Kazz!" he imagined her yelling, begging for more, and squirting when she felt his tongue doing magic on her cunt.
He bit his lower lip, his hand wet with his arousal. Shaky, uneven whimpers followed.
A minute later he found himself whimpering, leaving soft moans of pleasure as his eyes rolled to the back of his head.
At that moment y/n was heading to check on him, her second weekly visit to see what schemes Kaz had planned for the Crows to work in, or to see if he had settled a specific mission for her, and her only. She was some paces away from the window of his dorm when she heard him calling her name. At first, she didn't get the words right, it wasn't until she got a bit closer that she heard her name being spoken by a voice, his. She wasn't certain of what was going on in there, it sounded... soft... unusual in Kaz's icy voice.
She swallowed hard when she realized it after reaching the window. The dim light of the moon enlightened the dark room. The brighter spot was hitting Kaz's body.
He was holding his erect length, his hand going up and down, touching the pink tip of his dick as he kept breathing heavily. He was calling her, pleasing her in his mind. He was picturing himself touching her skin, her breasts. Licking her nipples as she grabbed his hair asking for more.
"Y/n... Oh ... fuck" he mumbled, a shaky rough whisper loud enough for her to hear at the window.
She froze, she didn't know what to do. She wanted to leave, run and pretend this never happened as she managed to do several times before.
But this time was different, her light feet were glued to the floor, she couldn't move, and the sight was too... pleasant. Like a tower full of Kruger she couldn't stop staring at. That was until he locked eyes with the figure standing at the entry of the window. He recognized her immediately. His eyes took in an intense feeling of embarrassment mixed with lust.
He wasn't Kaz Brekker anymore, he was Dirtyhands now. He didn't stop his hand movement. The environment grew hotter, his cheeks were flushed from the intensity of the moment. A part of him wanted her to look, the other part wanted to run and never have to look into her eyes again due to the embarrassment he felt.
Y/n looked at him in awe, with flushed cheeks as she never had before, and wide eyes as he jerked himself off in front of her. He never stopped doing it, nor did he avoid eye contact with her bewildered big eyes. Instead, his eyes got darker, deeper, and full of desire.
She felt something growing inside her. The heat was evident. Until he came. It wasn't just a growl, he leaned his head backward, his mouth opened and his eyes shut closed. The vein of his neck was marked showing how intense the pleasure was.
"Oh fuuuck" he whimpered, the white cum splashing over his stomach and covering his bare hand. She, on the other hand, was crossing her legs and biting her lower lip as hard as she could to not let out the loud moan she was holding back. All thanks to the(as much as she would like to deny) oddly appealing sight.
He opened his eyes again, now a small amusing grin plastered on his face. He was enjoying her look. Her still shocked face as she swallowed hard, her mind thinking on what to say.
He was still panting, sweaty loose strings of hair fell over his eyes, he took a deep breath as he grabbed a napkin and cleaned his hand covered in cum, and spoke, eyes locked in hers:
"My sneaky little fox, d'you liked the view?" Again, a crooked smile.
She didn't say anything, but deep inside, she knew she'd liked it. Indeed:
It was quite appealing, Brekker.
_____
Part 2 here
Any who, did you like it? Let me know in the comments, this is my first one-shot so if you have any suggestions on how can I improve my writing I'll take them happily 💓
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Sitting in bed doing nothing as if I don't have a multi chapter fic to cowrite, two flirt!Kaz fics waiting in my notes app, a show canon divergence au where Kaz performs magic to get into Os Alta with the troupe to plan, a dad!Kaz fic where Kaz adopts a little girl off the streets of the Barrel to continue planning, a pre-canon prison fic to start, and a heart-to-heart Kaz&Jesper fic plan to continue working on.
#i have so many wips#most of those are oneshots#because multichapters scare the crap out of me#but one of the flirt!kaz ones is a 5+1#so six chapters#six of crows#grishaverse#six of crows duology#soc#kaz brekker#jesper fahey#inej ghafa#nina zenik#wylan van eck#matthias helvar#soc fanfic#six of crows fanfic
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Dead: Kaz Brekker x Reader
Description: 5.8k wc, for the prompt of "You're supposed to be dead" originally for this request but I went overboard so I separated Kaz's!
Warnings: passive suicidal thoughts (NO action), mentions of death and injuries, trauma references, drinking, grief, loss, etc. and typical SOC/SAB trigger warnings
Maybe in the end, Kaz was meant to be alone.
It would make sense after all.
He certainly deserved to end up alone.
Yet, he must have done something right along the way.
After all, the universe, one of Inej’s saints, or whatever other force allegedly existed, had granted him y/n.
He never thought he’d be with anyone.
Kaz thought he was too far gone, too broken, too cruel, too numb, etc.
He never thought he'd be able to love someone; not after Jordie.
He thought he'd never let himself experience that sentiment ever again; much less express it.
He never thought he'd be able to become the person he now was.
That is until some unknown force brought the wonderfully undeserved presence that was Y/n into his life.
Despite his most aggressive and resistant behavior towards forming anything with her, he did.
Despite his toxic actions and inactions, she stuck around.
It was as if there was nothing that could tear them apart.
Not even Kaz’s phenomenal self-sabotage skills could make her give up on him.
However, at some point, Kaz allowed himself to become naive, ignorant, and lovesick.
In other words, Kaz Rietveld has taken control over the bastard's heart and mind when it came to her.
So much so that he’d allowed himself to fall into the position in which he was now facing.
A situation he swore he’d never find himself in.
Not again, anyways; not after having been there before due to Jordie.
Yet, here he was.
Alone in his chaotic mess of an office.
Drinking whatever Saint-forsaken thing he could find.
He knew he was cutting deep into the Crow Club's profits.
Kaz Brekker’s voice tauntingly scolded him despite Kaz Rietveld’s mind still being in control of his emotional state.
He desperately wished Dirtyhands would take over his mind and heart entirely.
It wouldn’t hurt then; or at least not as much.
He’d sworn to never let anyone get close enough for this to happen.
And yet, it had; she did.
He let her get close to him; he needed her to.
So, his naive Rietveld mentality had convinced the Kaz Brekker mentality he formed to learn to accept it.
Oh, how he wished he could go back and undo that acceptance.
But did he?
Is that really what he wanted?
To undo accepting her into his life?
Sure, he’d not be experiencing an excruciating sense of loss right now.
But was the lack of an excruciating sense of loss worth her absence in his life?
No.
Neither part of him believed that he'd choose anything over her.
Ironically, it didn’t matter.
He’d have to experience her absence one way or the other.
For now, it wasn’t anything he even had a choice in.
She was gone.
He could’ve saved her.
He should’ve saved her.
But he hadn’t.
And now, the Bastard found himself alone again.
For the first time in a long time.
And nothing, and no one, could cure the aching and longing loneliness he felt.
Not his sharpshooter, Jesper.
Not his Wraith, Inej.
Not his heartrender, Nina.
Not his demolitions expert, Wylan.
Not his Fjerdan, Matthias.
Not the countless bottles of alcohol he’d downed.
Not the overpriced scented candle Kaz gifted Y/n days prior that used to make him grin over how excited she would be to light it.
Not now that it sat on the nightstand, never to be used again.
Not the throwing of papers and plans he'd done upon entering his room.
Not the reminder that he'd experienced something similar before.
For while that was true, having chosen to risk this type of loss all over again made it much worse now.
And nothing, absolutely nothing, could erase the flashbacks in his mind.
They were there even if he didn’t close his eyes.
They were always there.
But she wasn't.
No one could pull him from the ceaseless sense of drowning inside him.
Not even himself.
None of his previously formed coping mechanisms worked.
No one could get him to open up and talk.
No one could get him to accept it.
No one could get him to heal from it.
No one could get him to move on from the immediate aftermath of her death.
Though, they’d tried.
Jesper had offered to show Kaz how to let go and decompress the way he would after a bad heist.
He knew the Bastard wouldn't talk to him about what he was experiencing, so he tried to help through action.
Yet, Kaz refused to follow Jesper around from gambling den to gambling den.
So, Wylan stepped in and tried to play some relaxing music for him.
Wylan knew music could be healing and calming, but despite his best efforts, Kaz remained the same.
Nina was the next to try but when she tried to loosen his muscles, Kaz snapped at her.
It was the one time he truly said much of anything since that night
But, it told them all they had to know.
Kaz Brekker was gone.
They didn't know who, if anyone, would form over time.
But, their boss -and dare to say it, friend- was no longer there.
Inej merely left a note on his desk that she was there to talk if he wished to do so; not wanting to push him when he was already suffering.
Matthias normally couldn't care less for the demjin, but when Kaz shouted for Nina to leave him be and that he didn't want the pain to leave his body, even Matthias felt sorry for him.
The Fjerdan knew immediately what Kaz was meaning.
He too was willing to feel the pain of his losses (his parents and sister) as it acted as some torturous connection to the person they'd lost.
So, he helped Inej make sure the Crow Club kept operating so Kaz would have one less worry whenever he came back to them.
So Kaz once again found himself alone.
It wasn’t truly the being alone that bothered him.
It was the fact he was alone because she was gone that was painful
He could handle being alone.
But he couldn’t handle being without her.
He couldn't stand living in a world in which she didn’t exist.
He’d contemplated removing that possibility.
After all, he'd taken down Pekka Rollins already.
And now that Y/n was gone, he truly had no purpose here anymore.
But he knew it wouldn’t matter.
Even if Inej was right about their being some form of afterlife, he wouldn’t see y/n after his death.
If such a thing existed, she’d have earned a spot in 'Heaven'.
She'd be somewhere Kaz would never be allowed.
Somewhere almost deserving of her presence.
He wasn’t sure where Jordie had ended up, assuming Inej was right.
He wanted to believe his brother would also go to 'Heaven'.
However, due to Kaz's lack of faith, he didn’t know what behaviors amounted to earning a spot in 'Heaven'.
Nor did he know what behaviors would remove someone from such a place.
For all he knew, the Saints could have some tally sheet of behaviors that they kept track of throughout one's life.
Perhaps y/n wouldn’t get to the highest level of afterlife either.
But, if you asked Kaz, he knew she deserved far higher than him; no matter what she may have had to do to survive before they'd met.
Y/n was far better than him.
Far better than he was.
Far better than he is.
Far better than he ever could’ve been.
Far better than he ever would be now.
And far better than he deserved.
So, regardless of what the Saints might demand to get in, he knew that he’d never see her again even if there were an afterlife.
That didn’t stop the thought of attempting to get to wherever she was from occurring day in and day out; despite the constant alcoholic buzz he had.
No amount of paperwork, liquor, Kruge, heists, etc. could distract him enough from missing her.
He felt her absence everywhere.
The same way he’d felt her presence just days before.
The presence he’d never feel again.
It wasn’t that he had forgotten it was possible to lose her.
He just pushed aside the fear of that pain for the -at the time- current comfort of being with her.
The guy who cared only about his own survival found someone he was ready to die for.
Yet, he was denied the chance to show her that.
Instead, he was forced to watch her die while he stood by helplessly.
He always accounted for everything.
But losing her was not something he could have seen coming.
It should’ve been.
He knows that.
But the idea was far too terrifying and painful to even contemplate, much less anticipate or prepare for.
So he hadn’t.
He always took measures to ensure her safety.
Certainly during heists.
Yet, it wasn't enough.
It wasn’t enough to save her.
He wasn’t enough.
He hadn’t been calculated enough.
He hadn't been smart enough.
He hadn’t been focused enough.
When it came down to it, he hadn’t been enough.
And now she was gone.
And the only person he could truly blame was himself.
Of course, by now each of the opposing parties had been dealt with in a very Kaz-like manner.
He hadn't done so with the hopes that it would’ve eased his pain or his guilt.
He knew it wouldn’t.
But he couldn’t let them get away with it either.
She deserved better.
The least he could do was take their lives the way they took hers.
Yet, it did nothing to lower the waves -that normally rose to his chest- that now nearly reached his nose.
Nor did it do the one thing he was truly desperate for.
The bastard of the Barrel was never one to be seen as desperate.
Well, apart from having been desperate for revenge against Pekka; and perhaps Kruge.
But even so, that desperation was kept in check.
However, this was not.
And Kaz didn’t bother to pretend otherwise.
He couldn’t muster the energy to maintain his normally stoic demeanor to the full extent.
To most who didn’t know him, he probably looked like the same careless Barrel boss as before.
But those closest to him, his crows, and even some of the closer dregs saw the drastic change in him that night.
He’d always been troubled and plagued with his past and his losses.
But he now seemed haunted and hallowed by them.
No one knew what to do and they’d all been grieving in their own rights so no one found a way to truly comfort him.
Not that any attempt would be successful; as Kaz did not see himself coming back from this one.
Y/n had helped him with the trauma surrounding his brother Jordie.
But no one would be capable of helping him with the trauma of losing her.
He knew she had more power and impact on him than he’d ever care to admit.
But by the time he knew this, he was too far gone to effectively resist.
Losing her was like not only losing a part of himself but himself altogether.
He lost the drive that Kaz Brekker had.
His immediate anger and heartbreak had alleviated the people who played a role in her passing.
He now had no one to hunt, scheme against, nor harm.
No one to blame.
No one but himself.
And yet, even he knew that no one could have seen this coming.
Not even Dirtyhands Kaz Brekker.
Yet, he was the only option he had as a source to assign blame to.
Nonetheless, he lost the confidence and passion that the Barrell boss once had.
He lost the small spark of light that y/n instilled in him.
The light that made him believe even Kaz Brekker deserved a happy ending.
Now he was resigned to the fact he was clearly meant to end up alone.
If only he’d stuck with that belief, perhaps she would still be here.
He lost the happiness he’d worked so hard to accept from her.
She had been his one true source of happiness.
The crows and successful heists brought similar emotions.
But, only through y/n was he able to truly appreciate all of it.
He also lost what remained of poor, pathetic, little, Kaz Rietveld.
Any innocence that may have lingered deep down inside of him after Jordie’s death was now undoubtedly erased after y/n’s.
Any kindness or compassion he felt towards others felt ripped away from him as he fell into a numb state of being.
He hadn’t accounted for what his life would be like if she’d passed.
If anyone had asked prior to that night, he’d have told them he would be fine.
Of course he would, he’d have said, after all he’d experienced loss before.
And it drove him.
But even with Jordie, he didn’t truly survive.
A new version of him did, but he wasn’t the same.
Not until y/n had managed to resurrect what remained of the original version of himself.
Now both versions were destroyed and he didn’t know where that left him.
Other than in his office, endlessly drinking liquor as if it were a life source, and feeling sorry for himself.
Oh, if only Dirtyhands Kaz Brekker could see himself right now.
------
Kaz had drunk himself into such a stupor that he didn't hear the knock on his door.
It was now several nights after the incident and he hadn’t emerged from his chambers in well over 48 hours now.
So, unbeknownst to him, their home had an unexpected presence.
After much debate, the crows had agreed to step back and allow Kaz to contact the presence first.
Hence why Wylan's knocking increased in tempo; as if trying to show the urgency behind it.
Yet, the sound merely reverberated off the walls of Kaz's room without him noticing.
From the other side of the door, Jesper huffed loudly.
He signaled for the others to move back; ready to take whatever drastic measures it took to alert his best friend to the news he knew Kaz needed.
Nina gently placed her hands on her friends' shoulders and guided them away from the doorway.
Jesper smirked at the girls beside him before he aggressively kicked the wooden door, his smirk growing as the wood splintered and the door swung open.
“Kaz” Jesper said firmly as the crows all squinted in order to adjust to the dim lighting of his room.
Kaz either didn’t hear Jesper or chose to ignore him.
Instead of responding, he merely sipped on the amber liquid in his glass.
“We should leave you to it” Inej suggested, giving her friend a smile and shoulder squeeze before having to all but drag the others away.
Kaz’s eyes never changed from the distant look they had seemingly taken on before they'd entered.
He hadn’t moved one millimeter other than to take another sip of his drink.
Anyone could see the state of distress the Bastard had been in by just seeing the state of his room.
There was broken glass and other debris around the room, empty liquor bottles piled up in an overflowing garbage bin, an unusual lack of papers/plans on his desk, etc.
The phsyical state of his room along with the completely dissociated gaze his eyes held broke y/n’s heart as tears slowly rolled down her cheeks.
She wasn’t sure what she expected after that night.
She knew he likely thought she was dead.
After all, she thought she was going to be.
She should’ve been.
She knew Kaz loved her, in his own way.
So she expected some kind of reaction to her apparent death.
But, she hadn’t expected this.
She hadn’t wanted this.
Shed made her way back to their home as quickly and safely as she reasonably could.
It had taken over a day to do so, but she didn’t want Kaz’s crew or their fellow Crows to spot her.
She knew they’d immediately tell Kaz and given that he’d seen her fall after being shot, she knew he’d lash out at the reporting party for spreading gossip.
She hoped she could make it to him undetected but quickly enough to prevent him from much grief.
But even though it hadn’t taken her much more than a day to reach him, he seemed to have already spiraled.
She took a deep breath and slowly walked closer to his desk.
Y/n hated how his eyes never left his glass despite her movements.
He was never this unobservant.
Or perhaps he no longer cared nor had the energy to bother with his surroundings.
Either way, she hated this.
Y/n cautiously set a hand over the far side of the rim on his glass as she tried to block him from taking another slug of the beverage.
She watched as his body reacted slowly.
While it took much longer than normal, his reaction was enough to show Kaz had been able to sense a change, which was more than she’d gotten so far.
Kaz’s glazed eyes dragged upwards from his glass to her face in a painstakingly glacial pace.
When they finally landed on her, he froze for a moment, his eyes now appearing needy and hungry.
Once his eyes seemed to take in her presence, they shut tightly as his body shook.
Y/n swallowed thickly as uncharacteristic tears pushed their way through Kaz’s closed eyes and down his face.
“Kaz” y/n whispered.
She wanted so badly to kneel by his desk as to be closer to him, but her wounded leg wouldn’t let her.
She watched as he slammed his glass down, the liquid splashing out the rim onto his desk.
He drug his hand down his face and gripped the edge of the desk “fuck”.
Y/n saw he was wearing his gloves despite being alone in his room and her heart somehow hurt even more.
He hadn’t done that in years.
Yet, here he was, unable to handle the feeling of even his own skin.
“Kaz, please talk to me” she tried again, desperately wanting to help him.
She watched as a sob shook his body and barely squeaked past his lips.
The sound made her own tears fall faster.
“Love, I want to help-“ y/n whispered after giving themselves a moment to regain their composure.
“You’re not real! Just fucking stop” Kaz shouted, both of his hands flying to his face.
One of his hands began pulling at his hair until it hurt, the other pinching the bridge of his nose.
He felt insane.
He knew he’d been drinking far too much.
Perhaps this illusion before him was somehow his consequence.
Y/n watched him closely, unsure how to reach him.
They’d worked on his touch aversion before but now hardly seemed like the time to push it.
“Kaz, I am real” she spoke tenderly, watching his body language for any signs of him listening to her.
He only shook his head and stifled another sob.
Y/n sniffled and audibly took a deep breath, “I know… and I’m sorry, I came as fast as I could-”.
“It… it isn’t… it is not possible” Kaz repeated to himself.
“Look at me, please. Kaz I need to see your eyes” y/n begged.
It would usually work as Kaz knew how comforting it was to look into her eyes so he’d always returned the favor when prompted.
However, y/n watched his fingers grip together tightly as he resisted looking up at her.
“Look I tried to… I know I was bleeding…-“ she began trying to explain but was uncertain how to do so.
“Hey, see my leg? That’s from the fall, but I’m not dead” y/n attempted, pointing down at her excessively bandaged leg.
Kaz shook his head defiantly, not glancing up from the desk.
There was no way she didn’t die, he’d seen her fall.
He’d never have left her if he didn’t know she was dead
Even when he knew, Mathias had to shove and push him back to the club as his body froze at the sight.
All of his survival instants evaporated when he watched her fall to her death.
He threw up the contents of his stomach once he’d made it back and realized Matthias had been touching him the whole time.
So, he knew this illusion before him had to be wrong.
But he couldn’t figure out why his mind would do this to him.
Because, despite the illusion of her presence in this moment, Kaz had the image of her death burned in his mind.
The image had played in his mind on endless loop for hours, hence the never ending flow of alcohol.
Seeing his once again distant stare, y/n sighed, “Kaz I’m alive… it’s me, I promise. I’m okay, I’m not dead”.
Kaz’s brain replayed the torturous flashback upon hearing her words.
His eyes stared blankly ahead at the wall as his mind once again recalled the night he’d lost her.
The heist had gone wrong, the crows were detected far earlier than planned due to the sudden rainfall.
The intense rainfall diminished the fog Wylan’s explosives were supposed to offer, prompting the guards of the house they were fleeing to spot them much faster than anticipated.
This meant everyone was rushing back to the Crow Club and not as attentive to their surroundings.
Well, everyone but Kaz.
Kaz, of course, stayed as attentive as always.
He saw the way the water was gathering in the sight depressed areas of the old roofs.
He warned y/n and Inej to be cautious and aware of them.
But they still had to hurry nonetheless in order to not be caught.
Kaz was a few feet behind on the ground when it happened.
He watched in horror as a bullet pierced her left shoulder, making her dodge to the right in response.
But as she did, she lost her footing when she stepped into the small puddle of water that had formed in a small bowl shape indentation on the roof.
Kaz watched as her ankle buckled and she fell to her side, her upper body hanging over the edge.
Kaz had unconsciously begun to painfully climb the stairs on the side of the building.
Despite the pain in his legs he needed to reach her before the situation worsened.
So he pressed on, reaching the top rather quickly.
But as he pushed himself onto the roof, he could only watch as the guard shoved her lower body off the slanted roof.
It took only seconds for Kaz to disarm the guard and turn him into a bloody withering mess.
As the man slid off the roof, Kaz neared the edge only to see the exact thing he feared he’d see.
Her limp body was laid there, eyes open but blank, blood puddled around her shoulder and head.
He pressed his cane into the roof more to stabilize himself as the rain continued to gush down on him.
He stared at her, waiting for her chest to begin rising and falling again.
It had to.
She had to be okay.
He wasn’t able to think clearly enough to even question it when something suddenly shoved him away from the scene.
His eyes may have physically left the scene at that moment, but the image of her limp frame was already burned into his retinas.
And that image was all he saw until he’d arrived back at the club.
And that image was what continued to haunt him now.
Kaz slowly came back to the present moment, his body trembling and lip bleeding from biting it so aggressively.
He looked up at the illusion of her and glared, “I don’t know what alleged Saint I’ve wronged, but what kind of Saint does this to someone?!”
With a sorrowful look in her eyes, she shook her head, “Kaz, there’s no Saint involved. It’s me, it’s y/n”.
Seeing the anger and disbelief still in his eyes, she closed the distance and smiled softly.
She set her hand palm upwards on his desk, as an invite for him to touch her and see that she was real; if he were able to.
It took several silent minutes of him staring at her hand before he moved.
But, when he did, he reluctantly removed one glove and placed his fingertips against her palm.
His chair squeaked against the floor as he jumped at the feeling of her hand against his fingers.
The feeling he knew and cherished.
As his eyes became glassier, Kaz adjusted so he could firmly place his fingers over her wrist in search of her pulse.
When he acknowledged there was in fact a pulse, his grip on her wrist tightened some.
“B-but-..” He cleared his throat, eyes fierce as they looked up at her in frustration, “You’re supposed to be dead!”
“I’m not though, Kaz” she assured him with a delicate smile.
When he removed his hand from hers to out his glove back on, she waited for him to speak.
However when he didn’t soften his intense glare, she spoke again.
“If you prefer that though..” She teases hoping to break the tension, “I can just-“
“Don’t” Kaz’s raspy voice demanded as he abruptly stood.
He let his eyes scan her whole body slowly.
Both in search of injuries or signs of her fall, and in searches of all the tiny details only he knew.
Like the way she had a faint scar on her elbow from a fight she’d won the night Kaz met her.
Or the details he memorized in the way that she would stand when nervous.
Once he’d had adequate time to take in her appearance, she softly assured him, “I’m here Kaz. It’s me”.
“I thought…” his voice broke and he cleared his throat as to not sound weak when speaking again.
“I lost you” He stated, eyes furrowed as he looked at her.
“Kaz you didn’t-“ she sighed sympathetically as she scanned the pain in his features.
“Yes I did” He corrected, sitting down when his legs shook.
“Losing you was a nightmare that I begged every day to awake from." He admitted, resting his sweaty forehead in his gloved palms as he propped himself up with the support of his desk.
She drug over a chair, her chair that was across the room when she’d arrived.
Sitting beside him without touching him, she spoke softly, “you’ve awakened from it now Kaz. I’m so sorry it to me so long to-“.
“How?” He cut in, eyes dazed as he looked at her.
“How?” She asked, uncertain which topic he was referencing.
“How did you survive? You- he cleared his throat you stopped breathing and the … blood..” he whispered, his gravely voice thicker than normal.
She nodded, “Nina’s friend, Lieke, from the little palace? Well, she happened to be nearby”.
“She’s a heartrenderer?” Kaz asked, racking his brain to see if he already knew this.
Y/n nodded again, “I’d never met her, but Lieke said she owed Nina a favor”.
Kaz was silent as his mind tried to play through it to make sure this wasn’t some twisted scheme.
Y/n knew from the look on his face what he was doing
So, she continued her weak attempt at explaining the situation she barely came to terms with herself.
“I guess she recognized me and us all, thanks to Nina’s stories and your reputation, so when she saw me … fall…” she whispered.
“She waited until it was safe and then she took me in and patched me up. She said I wasn’t awake for a few days… So,.. so I had a late start getting here. I’m sorry-” y/n frowned.
“Don’t” Kaz barked harshly, closing his eyes in guilt at his outburst.
After a moment of tense silence, he took a shaky breath and continued.
“Do not apologize for that” Kaz demanded, “I don’t care how long it took”.
She gave him a thankful timid smile as he glanced up at her.
“I shouldn’t have left you” he said, his voice laced with guilt.
“Kaz, you thought-” she argued, her voice far more sympathetic than Kaz felt he deserved.
“I know what I thought” he snapped, his eyes glazing over again.
“There is no greater terror than watching something you love fall right in front of your eyes” Kaz remarked, staring straight ahead.
“L-love?” Y/n asked, a small gasp escaping her lips.
He nodded once firmly, moving so his eyes were now staring into hers.
She knew he loved her but he hadn’t been able to say it before.
“I love you too Kaz. I’m here, you can breathe now” she calmly said, giving him a tender smile.
Kaz stared at her silently.
He needed to say it.
He wanted to say it.
He thought he had missed his chance before.
He couldn’t risk missing it again now that she was here.
This wasn’t how he thought he’d finally say it to her whenever he found the nerve to.
But, he supposed it was also kinda fitting for them.
“I do” he started, taking a deep inhale upon seeing her confusion, “I do ..love you.”
Her lips snapped up into a wide grin as she gazed lovingly back at him.
“I love you” Kaz repeated, more confidently this time.
She stood up beside his desk, setting her wrist out on his table again.
Kaz glanced at her before tugging off his gloves and gripping her wrist, fingers splayed crossed her pulse.
He closed his eyes as he fought the urge to puke.
But, as his fingers met her skin, her warmth and steady heartbeat under his fingertips was distraction enough.
And the fact it meant she was here and alive was rewarding and calming to him.
When he opened his eyes he saw she’d been switching between watching him and looking at the room.
Kaz instantly became aware of the state of his room.
He felt kiss cheeks warm faintly, “I’ll clean it up”.
She shook her head, tentatively reaching her fingers toward his forehead.
They had touched more than this before, but he was appreciative that she was cautious given everything that’d transpired the last week.
He wasn’t sure how he’d react either.
He nodded at her in approval and his heart fluttered warmly as she delicately pushed some stray hairs from his forehead.
For a few minutes they silently stared at each other, staying like that with her fingers minimally touching his forehead.
“I can’t imagine what you’ve been feeling Kaz” she told him sorrowfully.
Dirtyhands fought with him to stay silent, the way he’d done since the incident happened.
Yet, the fragmented pieces of Kaz Rietveld crawled their way through his walls and told him to open up to her.
He could see the look in her eyes and knew from the tone of her voice that she wanted to understand how he’d been since they last were together.
So, despite his reluctance, he let the pieces of his former self - the ones he thought had died with her-reignite.
“I wanted to scream” he began shyly.
“ I wanted to burst into tears, I wanted to die, but all I could do was stare at the wall in silence and drink” Kaz admitted, motioning to the bottles scattering the floor.
She hummed softly, moving her hand that was near his forehead to place it on top of his hand that had been resting in her other palm.
Kaz closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, but as she went to pull away, he pressed his other hand over hers silently to keep it in place.
When he reopened his eyes he lifted a hand up to cup her cheek, “you’re here”.
She moved closer, “I am. I’m here”.
Kaz gave her cheek a tender stroke with his thumb as he offered her a smile; the kind only she ever got to see.
“No more rooftops” Kaz said, abruptly pulling back and writing something on a piece of paper he grabbed from the floor.
Y/n smirked and rolled her eyes.
Normally she’d argue with him about his overprotective behavior, but she knew better.
She didn’t want to imagine how she’d have been if the roles were reversed.
So instead, she nodded slowly when he looked up at her waiting on her annoyed argument he expected.
He let out a soft sigh of relief and gave her a small nod before he resumed scribbling, “The heartrender was Lieke, you said?”
Y/n smiled and nodded, “Lieke Abspoel. Super nice, from the Little Palace. That’s all I’ve got. Nina probably has more information on her.”
Kaz nodded and made a note to have Zenik bring this heartrender to him later.
For now, he planned to let himself enjoy the moment.
Sensing he was staring at her as she looked around the room, y/n turned back to him.
Smiling softly she walked to the bookshelf across the room and grabbed the hard spine of a book.
Kaz only realized in that moment that when he’d been staring off at the wall, he has actually been staring at that particular book without realizing it.
When she sat on the ledge of his window perch, Kaz routinely joined her, taking the book from her hands.
As he read the title, he felt his face warm and he grinned faintly.
The book he’d been unknowingly staring at the whole time was her favorite book.
Of course it was.
Dirtyhands wanted to smack himself for the loving and soft thoughts floating through his mind right now, but Kaz didn’t care.
He was just glad he hasn’t an actually lost her.
After reading the first line, he abruptly stood up and placed the book down.
Y/n watched in confusion as he dragged his desk chair over to her.
With her nonverbal approval, Kaz tenderly lifted her leg up onto it.
He glanced from the injured leg to her face and she smiled reassuringly “she could only do so much, she said it’ll take another week or so to fully set, but it doesn’t hurt”.
“You shouldn’t have walked here “ Kaz told her, almost scolding her.
She shook her head, “I needed to see you, couldn’t have you thinking you should be moving on without me”.
His eyes snapped to hers and he gave her a firm stare even if she’d been teasing, he wasn’t, “that wouldn’t ever happen”.
She hummed softly and nodded.
He slowly rejoined her, opening the book and holding it just above her leg closest to him as he prepared to read to her.
While he knew things would likely return to normal in the coming weeks, he would always cherish this moment.
Kaz had his girl back.
And now, he knew of additional ways to keep her safe.
Including, perhaps hiring a second heartrender to be on call should the need arise.
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#kaz brekker x fem!reader#kaz brekker x y/n#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker#kazzle dazzle#kaz brekker angst#kaz brekker hurt comfort#hurt to comfort#grishaverse#grisha#kax brekker fanfic#kaz brekker oneshot#shadow and bone#shadow and bone kaz brekker#sab#sab kaz brekker#six of crows imagines#six of crows x reader#six of crows duology#six of crows#kaz brekker soc#soc#soc angst#original post#kaz brekker x oc#kaz brekker imagine#kaz rietveld
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In which five times Kaz bakes for the crows
#Six of Crows#Kaz Brekker#Oneshots#Inej Ghafa#Wylan Van Eck#Jesper Fahey#Matthias Helvar#Nina Zenik#Baking#SOC#Grishaverse
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BURY ME FACE DOWN || Kaz Brekker
Words count: 1.5k words
Summary: Who’s the only one capable of putting Kaz Brekker down if not Kaz Brekker himself? The moment he recognises the end.
Warnings: Mentions of violence, blood and death.
Author’s note: I apologize in advance for any errors but English is not my first language, hope you like it.
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[...] Thinkin' that they've won
It's only just begun
When I go
Into the ground
I won't go quietly
I'm bringing my crown
And when I go
Into the ground
Oh, they gotta bury me
Bury me face down [...]
What lies behind silence? Messes, truths, lies, secrets, anxieties, fears, or, maybe, nothing important.
Silence can be a weapon, but at the same time a weakness; full of unspoken words and unheard thoughts, so scary.
In that moment Kaz couldn’t decide whether could works on his favour or not; blood dripped from the knife he was holding, one drop after another fell to the ground causing a slight tic, not caring about what was surrounding her at that moment.
The pool was expanding more and more under the boy's indifferent gaze, the red of the blood was reflected in his deep dark eyes. The two colors mixed together as if they had both found their place to be.
Tic, tic, tic.
The only sound that punctuated Kaz's thoughts, the only thing that kept him grounded in reality and reminded him of the situation he found himself in. He eyed the figure in front of him with a slight hint of challenge, his lips curled into a grin. The blood stain on his arm spread like wildfire and he couldn't help but look at it with satisfaction. "Come on, make your move," he wanted to say, but remained silent and waited. The Guy in front of him was holding a dagger in his hands, like him; the hilt was completely hidden by his hand, making the blade seem like an extension of it. Stopping to observe it more carefully he noticed his name engraved in a fine and elegant handwriting.
Kaz Brekker. Dirtyhands. The bastard of the Barrel.
Many names, all correct if it was talking about him.
He was the terror of the people who dared to touch him, the monster who hid under the bed and who tormented people's sleep, the shadow hidden in the most remote parts of the mind. He was the stranger that parents warn their children about. He had been raised by the demons of hell and put on the path to destruction, it was a paradox and a constant question.
He wasn't good, he wasn't bad. He simply was and would continue to be until the day he took his last breath, and probably even after that.
He looked from the person in front of him to the knife he held tightly between his slender, ungloved fingers; his grip was so tight around the handle that his knuckles turned white and his hand trembled slightly. “Restrain yourself,” a distant voice screamed in his mind.
The blade glinted in the dim moonlight and, for some reason, seemed even sharper and more deadly. In the past it had happened that he was stabbed, even if there weren't many people who could tell about it. He remembered the initial sensation of the cold covering his limbs, he remembered the pain that arose from it and that increasingly grew and the sensation of the flesh being sliced, the nerves severed and the screams suffocated in an evil laugh.
He remembered the blood. So much blood staining hands and clothes. Blood that couldn't be cleaned up, that he was forced to wear like the pair of gloves usually glued to his hands like a second skin. Because the blood could not be cleaned up, just as the pain could not be erased, he knew well. He had learned so well to live with it, to court it and cultivate it within himself that he no longer understood where it began and where it ended. He happened to recognize it inside himself as he twisted himself between his limbs and tried to re-emerge, he heard him screaming and pawing his feet in an attempt to make him collapse, to make him collapse on himself, gasping in a desperate attempt to survive.
Living... What a word, yet no one knows what it really means. What does it mean to live? Feel the air in your lungs? The beating heart? He, who had thrown away his heart long ago, didn't know it. He had dedicated his life to creating a name and stories to leave behind, he had cultivated fear in the people who met him and who should never forget him.
After all those years, living had almost become a privilege, something he should be grateful for, even if he never had. It had become a concept that he didn't take for granted, especially after the numerous times he had found himself in plea deals.
Kaz continued to look at the boy with the dagger and the more he watched him, the more he realized how much he looked like him: the raven hair pulled back, the dark eyes, the tattoos clearly visible, but also the look, the hunger, the torment. Now he wondered if it wasn't all a trick his mind had played on him to punish him for his sins, the shadow that Inej spoke of and that had crawled out of the worst part of him.
"Who are you?" The question came spontaneously from Kaz's lips and hung in the air in the few meters that separated him from his other self, from his Copy. He saw it flutter through the air and then fall to the ground along with the pool of blood that slowly continued to expand. “Pick it up,” he thought, “I want to know who you are.”
He tried again, ignoring the fact that if it was really like him then he wouldn't answer. Why do it, after all? Why collapse that enormous sleight of hand when you have other tricks up your sleeve? Why reveal the cards when you can still keep playing?
He saw him grin as he approached the blood-stained question, saw him pick it up and put it in his pocket. He was still smiling as he took a first limping step toward him, the hand holding the knife swinging at his side while the other gripped the crow's-headed stick. Kaz approached him with the same confident step, in his eyes they looked like two hungry wolves about to jump at each other's throats and, if so, who would make the first move?
They were so close that he could feel his breath hitting his face and his heart beating a little faster, "Fear or anger" he muttered to himself.
Without warning a new awareness dawned on him, the thought that he was going to die. He expected to hear some concern, but that didn't happen. He was about to die but it didn't bother him, as if he had always been ready for this moment. He had played with Death for so long, one deception after another and now she had come to ask for his ransom. He had a blood score to settle with her and it was time she paid it.
The Copy placed a hand on his shoulder, his lips curved in a smile he didn't think he'd ever seen on him.
They looked at each other for the last time, then it all ended.
The blade pierced his stomach, he felt the cold and felt the pain.
He suppressed a groan as the blood stain spread across his shirt, but he wasn't the only one to get stained. The Copy was bleeding and pawing, agonized screams filling the silence as he watched him cling to himself. The blade pushed even deeper, breaking his breath as it burned deeper and deeper in his lungs.
He felt it squeeze his shoulder as he continued to push the knife, twist it, pull it out and stab him again. He whispered words in Kaz’ ear as he accompanied him to the ground, they seemed like reassurances, like a brother hugging you after a bad day.
Kaz saw him bleeding and falling to the ground, he was dying with him. He killed him and killed himself.
Slowly he felt his strength fading and his breathing slowly leaving him, he felt his eyelids heavy as he tried to keep his eyes open.
"I want to look at him" he said to himself, "I want to see him as life abandons him".
The Copy crawled ungracefully next to him, staring straight into his, his hand still resting on his shoulder.
"Who are you?" The question left his lips again in a hoarse and weak gasp, even his voice was abandoning him. He continued to fight against the darkness, feeling it clinging to him and trying to take him with them, but he wanted, had to, stay awake.
The Copy smiled at him again, moving his gaze upwards, observing something that Kaz, however, could not see. A solitary tear made its way down his pale cheek, reaching the angular line of his jaw, then reaching his neck, before disappearing under the collar of his shirt.
It was in that moment that he heard what he never thought he would hear, what he hoped he would never hear. "I am you, Kaz. I am what Life sent to redeem your debt to her" They were the last words he heard before he felt his eyelids become too heavy to keep them open.
In the end his death had come by his own hand, because only one person could put an end to his existence and that person was Kaz Brekker.
"I will not go quietly to my grave, I will wear my crown and when I go underground they will have to bury me face down. Just like that I will be able to look the devil straight in the face."
#kaz brekker#six of crows#imagine#oneshot#crooked kingdom#shadow and bone#kaz brekker imagine#six of crows imagine#shadow and bone imagine#fanfic#kaz brekker fanfic#grishaverse#kaz dirtyhands brekker#six of crows duology
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crestfallen on the landing
summary : he was really grateful that she didn't ask anything of him, but one day, she finally does.
pairing : kaz brekker x reader
warnings : language, angst
author's note : HIIIIIIII!! im so fucking sorry everyone for being so inactive on updating here, i really am. but im here now!! i'll try my best to be on here more regularly :'),,, so kaz might be a bit ooc here and this is pure angst okay?? let me know if u want a part ii,, love u a sm <3 requests are open!!!
tagged : @xhanthexzoria @ateliefloresdaprimavera @ell0ra-br3kk3r @slut4benbarnes @0oolookitsme
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y/n y/l/n had her fair share of regrets in her life.
she had made mistakes—some of which she could never come back from but in the end, if someone were to ask her if she was happy, she wouldn't have thought twice about saying yes.
she hadn't had the perfect life, but in the rundown building, full of life with her closest friends—family was a better word; she knew that it wouldn't get better than this.
but then kaz came along.
it wasn't as if he wasn't there before—he was, but he was just kaz then. kaz brekker, bastard of the barrel, dirtyhands, owner of the crow club, leader of the dregs—an asshole to the ones close to him.
but now, he was kaz.
the love of her life, the man who could talk hours on the hand about the most complex and near impossible heist and she would consider it music. the man whom she had loved more than she had ever loved anything, the one who made the dark alleys of the barrel seem like her home and it was.
her home was wherever he was.
he made the small rundown building with a crooked structure and broken staircase feel like home. just like he made the four walls of his office appear like a paradise to her.
their relationship hadn't really been a surprise to the crows, but still, it was a pretty big deal. curses were thrown around, people were threatened and money was made but the crows had never been happier with these two.
their relationship at first was stolen glances, half quirked lips, small nods and feather like touches on the shoulders. it was searching of the other's eye in a room full of people and it was staying awake till three in the morning, waiting for your other half to come back from a job.
then, it was calm. it was catching your lover's eyes from across the room and feeling your heartbeat slow down. it was looking over your shoulder and knowing that they had your back. it was finding your favourite coffee on the dining table in the morning when you woke up late and it was having your favourite thing for lunch at your desk without asking.
and now, y/n hoped it would be eyes that spoke a thousand words, meaningful glances and a lifelong aggreement on the roof where they had first met.
she hoped it would a lifetime of happiness.
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if there was one thing kaz brekker liked about y/n y/l/n, it was that she never asked anything of him.
she never complained about lack of physical contact, she never disagreed with him on the topic of his job and she never asked him to push more than he could.
she understood and he swore that for a moment, he believed that he could love her.
never in a million years to come, he would've been able to guess that he'd have someone. someone he could truly call his own.
in his mind, his relationship was pretty simple. it wasn't kisses in the dark and hands on her waist, it was small whispers in the alleys before a job and it was the slight touch of his gloves on her hands before he went off on a job.
they were great together, kaz knew that much. and they didn't really have problems in their relationship except for the occasional fight about changing the wallpaper in his office and decorating the slat—something both jesper and nina backed her up on.
which is why, he was surprised when she asked him to meet her on the rooftop where they had first met.
and he was even more surprised to see her sitting with her back to the railing, fiddling with her fingers and tapping her foot rhythmically.
"y/n?" kaz called out, his voice a rasp from the december cold. he was wearing his usual attire but regretted not wearing more layers when y/n told him to.
"kaz—hi!" y/n stood up from her place on the ground swiftly and made her way to where he was standing near the exit with her satchel clutched tightly in her hands.
"you wanted to meet me here?" kaz questioned, trying his absolute best not to let his voice come out all cold and demanding but he knew that y/n wouldn't make anything if it.
"oh, yes—" y/n trailed away and for a moment, kaz thought he saw panic and fear in her eyes but she quickly turned away and kaz decided that it was just a trick of the moonlight. "—one second, it's here. please, saints, don't tell me i forgot it—"
kaz watched her with slightly upturned lips as she looked through her satchel and shook his head to remain more serious.
"what is it?"
"have patience, i almost found it."
"found wha—"
his voice trailed away as y/n sighed with relief and turned to him with something in her hand and kaz almost wished that the moon was tricking him and that it was just a play of light.
"it's a ring?" kaz swallowed as he felt the world grew hot and held his cane a bit tighter.
"it's an antique ring," y/n corrected.
"and—" kaz struggled to say the next words, praying to all the saints that inej believed in that she would just say that she had brought it to show it to him. that's all. "—why do you have it?"
y/n's smile had faded a bit but she she shook her head, smiling more brightly than she was before and held out her hand, a good few inches away from kaz, holding the ring up so that he could see it.
"it's—uh," y/n spoke in a whisper, her eyes flickering across kaz's face in uncertainty, "it's for you."
kaz sucked in a sharp breath and looked down. when he looked up, there was not trace of a smile on y/n's face.
"i—" kaz stopped as he tried to string sentences together in his mind in a way that sounded the least harsh, "don't know what to say."
"you and not knowing what to say?" y/n laughed sadly and kaz wanted nothing more than to take back what had already escaped his mouth and make it right. "i mean—deep down i knew this was a possibility but i—i ruled it out. my mistake, right there."
"y/n—" kaz started but she help you her hand and he grew quiet.
"why—i mean, i know that we're still young but we're almost in our late twenties and i know that our lifestyle is not ideal for having a life full of domesticity but we don't have to do that—" y/n spoke rapidly, sounding like it hurt to speak, "—we can be kaz and y/n, stealing from the rich and living in the slat. why, kaz? why?"
kaz brekker didn't have a reason.
he didn't have a reason as to why he couldn't say yes to her. he didn't have a have a reason why it was so hard for him to finally accept something good and something pure and not tainted in life.
but because he was kaz brekker, he always had to get in the last world but this time, he almost wished saints cut his tongue cause nothing would ever make him forget the look on her face as he spoke.
"because in order to marry someone, you actually have to love them. we don't have that."
it had been a blur after that. there was a door slammed and he could practically hear inej sharping her knives to kill him. it had started raining but kaz took no notice.
guilt blossomed in his chest, regret was wrapping like poison ivy around him and cutting off his breath till he was was choking in the blood of the love that he may had killed.
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for y/n, it had been months since she was not able to tell the difference between the rain and her tears.
she made her way threw the narrow alleys, her dagger out and positioned in her hand like it was meant to kill and on a night like this, it was.
she quickly reached the slat and made her way up the stairs to her room, just wanting to lay in bed and add another regret to her list.
she had just finished changing from her wet clothes when a knock sounded at the door—a rhythmic pattern that she herself had taught the sharpshooter.
"jes, i really don't wanna talk right now," y/n called out weakly, her voice giving out halfway between and she cursed as she knew that he would definitely come in now. "just—close the door."
"hey," jesper peeked out from behind the door, taking in her tear stained cheeks and frowned. "what happened?"
"uh—i," y/n's voiced cracked and jesper instantly took a seat beside her on her bed and placed a hand on her should, "i messed it all up."
"don't say that," jesper protested as he wiped her tears. "no, whatever happened, we'll figure it out. what did he say?"
"he didn't have to say anything for me to know that it was 'no' from him," y/n said as she sniffled, the ring feeling so heavy in her pocket. "it's about what he said after."
"oh no, what'd he say?" jesper's face dropped and y/n almost wanted to smile at how horror struck he looked.
"he said that in order for people to marry, they have to love eachother and him and i don't have that," y/n said and her eyes instantly started to sting as his voice played on a loop over and over again in her head.
"okay, wow," jesper scoffed as he looked away. "i—i cannot be—"
his voice muffled after that as y/n pulled out the ring from her pocket and stared at the initials she had gotten engraved. a small 'k' for kaz and a crow next to it.
she looked over it in her hand and wondered that if that ring was so ugly that it made kaz say no.
"—and to say that—"
"is the ring ugly?" y/n interrupted jesper from his rant as she shoved the ring in his face.
"...what?"
"the ring. is it ugly?" y/n repeated slowly.
"uh—no, it's not," jesper spoke, although a bit confused.
"am i ugly?"
"what?! no, of course not, y/n/n," jesper said seriously, looking at her through crazed eyes. "what made you think that?"
"is there something wrong with me then?" y/n ignored his questions, her head running wild.
"no! no. no, listen to me," jesper started as took the ring out of her hand and placed it on her bedside table, "there's nothing wrong with you. you're perfect and anyone would so lucky to have you. kaz is an idiot who doesn't know what's in front of him and i'm telling you, he's gonna regret it—letting you go, that is.
"now, chin up and get some rest," jesper finished with a soothing smile as he stood up. "saints know you need."
"i'll tell the others in the morning," y/n nodded, moving the stacks of papers on her bed to the floor, "yeah, that sounds good."
"okay," jesper agreed, "but don't feel compelled to do so, alright? tell everyone else on your own accord."
"i will," y/n smiled at her friend gratefully before getting up and hugging him. "thank you, jes. i honestly don't know what i would do without you."
"you won't have to ever find out," jesper said, hugging her just as tightly, "i promise. i'll be here, forever and a day after that."
y/n couldn't say anything but with the way she hugged him with everything in her and whispered a 'thank you', she knew that jesper understood everything she wanted to say.
the two parted for the night and y/n returned to her bed, and stared at the ring in silence.
a moment passed and then another one and before she could stare any longer, she quickly placed the ring in one of the many drawers and turned off the lamp.
sighing heavily, she stared at the ceiling and before she even knew, she was clutching her stomach, and her hand was on her mouth, muffling the heart shattering sobs that slipped out like red wine and tainted her pillow.
her whole body shook as she drew in shaking breathes—or at least tried to. before she could even inhale properly, another sob made its way out of her chest and it hurt all over again.
she felt the pain in her chest, in the stomach and in her head. it was excruciating and painful and the worst of it all was that she believed that it was fine.
it was fine because that was how she had expected it be—loving kaz.
she knew that she'd never have the that love that nina and matthias had or jesper and wylan and she was fine with it.
she had always thought that in that end, it'd be silencing screams and painful words and barbed wired voices. but she never would've thought that it'd be a muted decison, ragged breaths and silences that felt deafening.
as she drew in another shaky breath, she swore that for a moment, she wondered if this was what the poets meant by death by a broken heart.
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#kaz brekker angst#kaz brekker x y/n#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker x you#kaz brekker x fem!reader#kaz brekker oneshot#kaz brekker#kaz brekker blurbs#kaz brekker blurb#six of crows x you#six of crows x reader#six of crows imagines#jesper fahey x platonic!reader#jesper fahey#grishaverse imagines#grishaverse#kaz brekker imagines#kaz brekker imagine
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So apparently, I'm never leaving my hyper fixation on the grisha verse yet again. I have an oc one shot that I had not planned on writing but loved too much not too keep and will eventually realse it because it's been sitting at already six pages long, I wanted to knock it out. However, ignoring the rabling, I am taking requests for Kaz Brekker slash any crow ideas and Nikolia Lantsvo. School has restarted college is tame as of thus far I will try my best to keep up if y'all want anything.
#grishaverse#six of crows#privateerprince#kaz brekker#inej ghana#imagine your otp#booklore#shadow and bone#sturmhond#x reader#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#oneshot#nikolai lantsov#the crowned prince#nina zenik#matthias helvar
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Grisaverse Masterlist
Jesper Fahey Masterlist
#grishaverse#grishaverse imagines#grishaverse oneshot#grishaverse series#grishaverse masterlist#masterlist#shadow and bone#shadow and bone imagine#shadow and bone oneshot#shadow and bone series#shadow and bone masterlist#six of crows#six of crows imagines#six of crows oneshot#six of crows series#six of crows masterlist#jesper fahey#kaz brekker#mal oretsev#nikolai lantsov#jesper fahey masterlist#kaz brekker masterlist#mal oretsev masterlist#nikolai lansov masterlist
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Someone's Brother, Someone's Sister
Based on this request: "y/n’s motivation for joining the dregs is that she has a sister with a work contract with pekka rollins. she wants to break into pekkas office and destroy her sisters contract. when kaz finds out he talks about his brother and y/n gets the impression he’s projecting his relationship into theirs and she resents that?"
masterlist
It is surprisingly easy to enter the home of the Dregs. The building affectionately referred to as the Slat looms on the horizon; oil lamps shine in its crooked windows like gap teeth, and the stones and brick of the exterior are unwashed and dark with soot. All who pass by it do so with great unease, tugging coat lapels over mouths lest the devil get in on a stray word that wasn’t a prayer for salvation.
You would think it would be some kind of impenetrable fortress, but you walk right in. There are guards loitering by the door, relaxed in the knowledge that someone who wanted to be here would have tried to kill them already, and any intruder who wasn’t trying to start a fight would lose their money if not their life when they tried to leave again. People don’t just bother the Dregs. You beat them or you die trying. There is no peaceful coexistence.
The wooden boards creak under your feet, but no one casts you longer than a fleeting glance before moving on to better, brighter things. It would be a stupid idea to come here unless you were invited. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy for you to navigate up to the top floor, taking the staircase level by level until the stitch in your side tells you that you’ve reached the summit.
Kaz Brekker is not expecting you. Not officially, anyway. Still, for someone who supposedly has no idea you’re coming, he looks rather unsurprised when you enter his office after knocking once on his door. You think you see a flash of black at his window, but when you double take, it’s gone. Kaz does not acknowledge the shadow’s absence any more than he points out your presence.
Instead, he tilts his head back, knocking a wave of raven-black hair from his cold gaze. “Can I help you?”
It’s a pleasant thing to say. Were it not for the fact that he’s eyeing you like you’re a lamb before the slaughter, you’d almost believe that he genuinely does want to help you. However, this is, of course, the Barrel, and no one would go out on a limb for anyone unless they had an idea of a pound of flesh they could extract for themselves.
“I have a younger sister,” you begin.
Kaz cuts you off irritably before you can progress much further than that. He waves a gloved hand, annoyed already, which isn’t a good sign. “Everybody does. Do you know how many people beg me for jobs every day? There are scores of brothers with mouths to feed in this city. If I wanted to help someone’s sick mother or dying cousin, I would run a hospital, not a gang. Get a better excuse or get out.”
You fold your arms across your chest. “Fine. I know someone working in Pekka Rollins’ office. Is that better?”
Kaz lifts one shoulder. “I have spies already.”
“Not this one,” you tell him. “My sister works in Pekka’s buildings every day. Cleaning, polishing, that sort of thing. Who knows the kinds of papers she might see? Or the people feeding him information? No one suspects the help.”
“I don’t need you to tell me the importance of spies in the shadows,” Kaz scoffs, but he’s less dismissive than before. Good. You need this to work, even if it’s a sob story he’s both heard and told time and time again.
“Is that why you sent some of your men to follow my sister and I?” You ask slowly.
Dirtyhands doesn’t smile. Kaz might, though. When the corners of his lips twitch upwards, you’re not sure if it’s a declaration of his good humor or just an indication of a wolf ready to feast on blood and gore, but either way, it’s better than the barren stare.
“Why would I send my own Dregs after a maid and her sister?” He questions you.
You meet his gaze coolly. “Because you were already looking at us as a potential source of information. I’m here to accept your job.”
“I haven’t made an offer,” Kaz points out.
You shrug. “Don’t, then. There are plenty of other gangs in the Barrel. I just need a way to get my sister out of Pekka’s grasp before it’s too late. If you won’t help, I’ll find someone else who will.”
Kaz leans forward slightly. “It isn’t the best idea to flaunt your disloyalty. If you’re just as willing to go to other gangs, why should I trust you in mine?”
“I’m as loyal as I need to be once I’m hired. Once that happens, you won’t have a reason to doubt either of us. That I can promise.”
He cocks his head at you, considering this. “Making your sister into an informant could kill both of you. One misplaced sense of familial duty isn’t worth the agony Pekka Rollins could cause you if you fail.”
“It would be worse not to try,” you assert. “I owe her that much.”
Something passes over Kaz’s face, a shadow of something he won’t say aloud. For someone who’s heard this story before, he seems affected by it regardless. Perhaps that’s why he’s so cold and calculating outright; if his candidates are scared off by him, they won’t trouble him with their siblings and parents and relatives any longer.
At last, Kaz places his hands carefully on the desk. “I have entertained the possibility of your sister feeding me information before,” he admits, “I consider it for every new hire of his. You were already a possibility before you even knew I existed.”
He proves this statement by pulling a piece of paper out of his desk. You scan it quickly, realizing it’s a contract with a blank at the bottom for you to sign. “And what, me showing up sealed the deal?”
He nods indifferently. “It proved you were willing to face the risk of this job. I don’t want my spies to be cowards.”
“Trust me, you’ll find that both of us are brave enough,” you tell him, and sign the contract with a flourish.
Kaz takes the paper back, eyeing you appraisingly. “I suppose we’ll find that out soon enough.”
He’s as good as his word. Not two days have gone by before you’re given a set of instructions. Your sister must find a select document in Pekka’s office while she’s cleaning and report back a series of names to you, who will in turn feed the information to Kaz. Your sister already informed you that she would be more than fine with taking this sort of risk if it would get her out, but you can’t help a knot of guilt from twisting around your stomach when you think of the disastrous consequences should she get caught in the act.
She isn’t caught, though, and soon enough you’re hurrying back to the Slat. Kaz looks microscopically more welcoming on your second visit, but this quickly shuts down when, instead of telling him your sister’s information, you start out instead by telling him that you want your sister out of Pekka’s grasp in a month or less.
“That’s absurd,” Kaz says flatly. “Why would I terminate such a useful asset?”
“Because I want her safe, and even if you won’t have her, you’ll still have me as a member of the Dregs, and I’ll be more familiar with Pekka than most of your other employees,” you argue. “Besides, you had me sign a contract, not my sister. She has no responsibility to you.”
He arches a brow. “And how exactly would you go about removing Pekka’s influence from your sister? He’s not the kind of man who gives up easily, that I can assure you.”
“It won’t be that difficult,” you assure him, “my sister’s a maid, not one of his higher level employees. I just need to get in his office so I can destroy the contract she signed with him. After that, he’ll have no reason to keep her around, and he’ll still be under the impression that she knows nothing, so she’ll just slip out from his fingertips.”
“Of course,” Kaz muses sarcastically, “it shouldn’t be any trouble at all to get into Pekka Rollins’ office. It’s not as if that office has been the object of my attention for quite some time.”
“So we’ll make a heist out of it. Fine. Send other guys with me, we can take money or documents or whatever while I tear up the contract. One month, though, and she’s out.”
Kaz is silent for some time. “You really think you can protect your sister from Pekka Rollins? No one can. No brother is strong enough to protect their family from him.”
“I have no brothers to protect me,” you whisper, “just me. If I lose my sister, I have no one.”
“You are not the only one,” he says slowly, “with no one. You would not be the first one to underestimate what you’re getting yourself into. This sort of thing can drown you.”
He shivers when he says drown, a whole body spasm. You’re not sure that he’s aware of it. You’re not even sure that he is aware of you anymore. Wherever Kaz is, it’s not here, not anymore. He is in the thrall of some memory you could not dream of understanding.
“You can’t keep anyone safe from Pekka,” Kaz mutters. “You can’t. He couldn’t. J–”
He cuts himself off abruptly, knuckles curled into such tight fists that you almost expect the gloves to tear. Instead, he speaks up again, voice hoarse but controlled. “You may try. The information. Now.”
You tell him what your sister learned, afraid to hold back anything. When you leave the room, Kaz looks unsettled again, eyes wide and haunted. There is something he knows about Pekka Rollins that he will not tell you, something he’s reminded of whenever you speak of your sister.
You see this shadow of his again and again in the coming weeks. Sometimes it lingers for longer. Other times he blinks it away in a flash and he’s back again like nothing ever happened. When one month passes and your deadline comes to save your sister, he actually agrees with a plan to break into Pekka’s office. You weren’t entirely expecting him to accept such terms, but you think there is something compelling him to do this more than mere greed.
Then again, maybe greed is all. When the announcement is delivered to a select group of Dregs that you’ll be breaking into Pekka’s office, Kaz gives no mention of your sister nor her contract. In fact, when you bring it up to him, he just waves his hand and listlessly says that you can do what you please in there so long as you don’t ruin the mission.
At the beginning, maybe this casual dismissal would have stung, but you’ve grown accustomed to Kaz’s varying tempers by now, so you nod and take your leave. He’s standing by his window when your group leaves. You can see his silhouette when you look back, and although he’s too far away for you to see much other than a black shadow against the gold of lantern-light, you can sense the deep furrow of his brow as if he were right there before you.
Kaz is not your concern now, though, the heist is far more important. Still, you can’t help but turn to Inej Ghafa, who was appointed to lead this little expedition, and ask her why Kaz isn’t coming with you. It’s a foray into the stronghold of his enemy, why wouldn’t he be there?
Inej has always been kind to you, and the soft downturn of her frown when she speaks to you emanates calm sympathy. “He doesn’t want to mess with your task,” she says simply, “Not what the rest of us are doing, but how you’re freeing your sister. He says he doesn’t fare well with family disputes, not when Pekka’s around.”
You shake your head. “That makes no sense. Kaz isn’t superstitious. He doesn’t believe in luck, bad or otherwise.”
Inej lifts a shoulder, the movement a ripple of shadow against shadow in the dark of night. “I know. It’s all he’d tell me, though.”
You can feel her eyes on you even after the conversation ends, even after you walk away. So Kaz is afraid to mess with this, then. If you dared to put a finger on it, you think it might– well, it might even have to deal with Jordie.
You’re not entirely sure that Kaz is aware he has spoken the boy’s name aloud. It took him a long time, many long nights and early mornings. He has taken to musing and mumbling when you’re there. On one of those times, you heard a name. Jordie. Between that and his unnatural fixation on your relationship with your sister, you’ve been able to guess at a story. You may not be aware of any other Brekkers in the city, but that does not mean there were never any before you joined the gang.
The air inside Pekka’s headquarters is fraught with peril. Still, your sister’s information is good, and you’re able to find your way to the man’s office without too much trouble. There’s a filing cabinet in the back, full of contracts, and you quickly leaf through them to find your sister’s. You burn it with the very candle on Pekka’s desk, and after thoroughly checking to make sure there are no duplicates, you rejoin the rest of the gang without another word.
Kaz is waiting for you when you come back. The rest of you stole other important documents from Pekka’s office, just as you proposed when you first mentioned your need to liberate your sister, but Kaz quickly shoos everyone out of his office but you.
He sits there, stiff as a corpse, and stares at you. “Did it work?” He asks hollowly, “Did you save her?”
You nod. “The contract was destroyed. She’s safe.”
“The contract may be gone, but there’s no telling of her safety,” Kaz muses, half to himself, “No one is safe, not really. You think you’re alright and then he disappears, and then it’s over.”
You close your eyes for a moment of strength, but when you force them open again, Kaz still has the same weary expression on your face. It’s starting to rub you the wrong way, if it hasn’t since the first day. “My sister is fine, Kaz. I’ll find her work somewhere else. We’ll both be okay.”
Kaz’s eyes flash to you. “How can you promise her safety? You can’t do anything to save her. Not here.”
“I just did,” you argue, “I destroyed the contract. I did it. Pekka’s hold on her is over.”
“And what about the rest of us?” Kaz questions. “Can you find the rest of our contracts, too? Can you act like a Saint and save all of us?”
His tone is bitter, mocking. It cuts you to the bone. “I’m not your Jordie, Kaz. I can’t fix you.”
“I know,” he says, the words gut-wrenching, “I know.”
You stand abruptly. He does nothing to stop you. “I’m still honoring my contract,” you tell him, “I’ll carry on as a Dreg unless you kick me out. But don’t you ever even think about putting my sister in harm’s way. Her days as a spy are over.”
Your rooms seem even smaller than usual that evening, despite the fact that your sister is overjoyed at the thought that her life won’t be at risk anymore. In every one of her smiles, though, you hear Kaz’s warnings rattling in your ears. You can’t protect her. None of us can. Who are you to think otherwise?
You still show up at the Slat. You’re given jobs from down the ladder of command, never from Kaz himself. You haven’t haunted the top floor office in days, then weeks. It is fine, sort of, except for the fact that you do not want it to be just fine, you want– you want him, and that’s not what you expected at all.
A month goes by with no word from him, and then one night you’re out strolling by the harbor, looking over at the relentless surge of the tides, and he materializes from the gloom to stand there beside you.
He doesn’t look at you at first, just stares out at the water. “Your sister is alright.” Not a question, just a statement. You wouldn’t be surprised if he has taken it upon himself to find out that information already.
“Yes,” you answer.
He tilts his head up to stare at the empty sky. “This city has a way of wrecking us. You have enough bad turns and you think they’ll never end. You don’t trust it when someone has something good. I have been waiting for your rescue attempt to be ruined. It hasn’t.”
You nod. “Not all good things are a trap, Kaz.”
“I know,” he says, “I know. I’m sorry.”
You glance over at him in surprise. Dirtyhands doesn’t apologize. Kaz might, though.
Kaz meets your gaze for a second longer, then starts to walk away. “My door is open,” he tells you over his shoulder, then disappears back into the gloom of night once more.
You watch him until he’s long gone, then turn back to the water once more. The Barrel is not a good place to cultivate your dreams. More often than not, you’ll end up drinking poison instead of wine. Tonight, though– tonight, you think it might not be so bad after all.
grishaverse tag list: @rogueanschel, @deadreaderssociety, @cameronsails, @mxltifxnd0m, @story-scribbler, @retvenkos, @mayfieldss, @eclliipsed, @bl606dy, @auggie2000, @baju69, @crazyhearttragedy
#kaz brekker#kaz brekker imagines#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker oneshot#grishaverse#grishaverse imagines#grishaverse x reader#grishaverse oneshot#shadow and bone#shadow and bone imagines#shadow and bone x reader#shadow and bone oneshot#kaz#kaz imagines#kaz x reader#kaz oneshot#grishaverse kaz#grishaverse kaz imagines#grishaverse kaz x reader#grishaverse kaz oneshot
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Hi!! I would like to request Kaz x f!reader
I’m so sorry that this is so long and if this isn’t making any sense I can’t explain things for the life of me😭 If you do write this, thank you so much, ily :)
Anyway picture this, a reader who is quite sneaky decides that it would be very funny if she snuck a little note with something like „I live for the way you smile so brightly” into Kaz’s coat when he’s not looking. She manages and when Kaz doesn’t bring it up at all, she sneaks another note in. This continues bcs the reader just thinks Kaz is ignoring it and automatically throwing out the notes without reading them or smth. Over the time the notes get a little bit more brave like „you looked very pretty today, Brekker” and become genuine copmliments. Now i have two ideas how could the ending go. Kaz just casually mentions in a conversations with reader the sweet notes which reader is completely shocked by Or reader finds themselfs curiosly looking around Kaz’s office and stumbles upon a little box on his table. Thinking it’s gonna be some kind of jewelry she opens it and sees ALL the notes she snuck into his coat. But uhoh Kaz steps into the office and his eyes widen when he sees reader standing over the box. Reader gets flustered trying to explain what the fuck was she even doing there but is greeted by Kaz’s silence. He’s embarrased about her now knowing that he has been keeping the little notes since the very beginning ijsksjdks istg I’m going insane
𝐒𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐲
Masterlist<3
Summary: The one where Y/N thinks she's being sneaky.
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader
Warnings: None I think!!
Word Count: 2.3K
Requested: Yes
A/N: YES YES YES YES I LOVE THIS!!!! I wanted to use the one where he mentions it casually in a conversation but it all led to reader finding out by accident. Tysm nonnie, enjoy, I'm sorry about the huge delay. Tough couple of months, hope u understand and that I did justice to this beautiful prompt, ily2 <3
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It all started as some stupid game. One only Y/N knew about. Everything about it was very silly, the sneaking around, coming up with what the note would say and when to put it inside his coat's pocket. The first time, the girl snuck the neatly folded paper when he excused himself to go to the restroom and left his jacket behind. Easy.
It read 'Your smile lights up the room, Brekker'. Cheesy, untrue and quite simple. She'd bet all her kruge on it, though. That bastard had a wickedly expressive smirk, so his full smile must be as sentimental as his smirk, right? Maybe her note would make him giggle in the confines of his office, maybe Kaz would burn the paper or toss it in the trashcan he so neatly kept under his desk. Truth is, Y/N didn't have an explanation or reason as to why she started all this nonsense.
The prospect of making Kaz angry or laugh even when she wouldn't witness it was probably it. The girl happened to be a sucker for the adrenaline rush of delivering her teasingly sweet notes, too. She got bolder and more creative, even getting the chance to sneak one during a job where she and Kaz had to pair up.
None of the crows knew except for Jesper, and surprisingly, he didn't tease her about it. When he caught her tucking a little pink piece of paper into the inner pocket of his boss' coat, he scoffed with a little smile and downed his whiskey glass.
"What on earth does it say and... why?" Jes smirked as Y/N returned to her seat next to him. "Not relevant, my friend. Don't snitch," "I could never, love." He laughed at his friend's eccentricities and let it slide. Another little secret shared between them wouldn't hurt nobody. Plus, her favorite sharpshooter had plenty to say when he was there to see Kaz discover the notes.
"I'm telling you, he smiled!" "Jesper, I don't care if he did," the girl giggled. She did. She cared a lot. "Kaz Brekker doesn't smile" "He did that weird upside down frown, not quite a smile, but he wasn't exactly displeased." Y/N had to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks by turning around, downing her glass of scotch. Had she really made Kaz smile? Or, somewhat, change that angry expression he seemed to keep, like it was carved carefully and perpetually on the sharp features of his face? There has to be an award to that, she thinks.
That note she remembered; there was a playful banter happening like many times before at the slat between the crows. They were all sitting down at one of the tables after a long day of kicking out pigeons upset because they lost all their money, drinks and giggles shared in a tired, dazed stupor.
"There is no way we could've made it without him. I mean, imagine me trying to carry Nina's dead-weight down two flights of stairs and out of that house." Y/N laughed as they recalled how useful Matthias turned out to be. "He's my favorite" Nina smiled, kissing the Fjerdan's cheek as he smiled proudly with a light red tint on his face (could be from the alcohol but they all knew his girlfriend made him nervous).
"And Inej, dear, I know I'm yours" the grisha teased her friend, pulling her close as the Suli girl smiled, not confirming or denying the allegations. Then Wylan, a bit tipsy and, for some reason defensive, hugged his boyfriend and declared: "Well, Jesper's my favorite," downing his glass. Jesper pulled it aside, pecking his head lovingly. "Inej's mine".
Wylan perked up from his place in Jes' arms with his mouth agape, making everyone break in laughter as the couple argued, their demo-man leaving the table with his boyfriend chasing after him trying not to laugh "Wait, dear I-I'm joking!" "No you were not! Take the couch". After they all calmed down, Matthias finally spoke. "Demjin, tell us, who's your favorite?".
Theatrical silence fell over the group. Kaz's heart sped up a little and Nina could tell, but said nothing. Then, as he scanned the group with a light smirk and his eyes lingered on Y/N for a minute longer, it sped up even more to then recede. "Oh, I know," the heartrender laughed, grabbing her glass to pour more alcohol on it. "You don't, Nina. I don't have favorites. You're all pretty solid assets," he said, voice deep and Y/N wondered how it would sound whispered in her ear.
"That's the closest we're getting to an 'I love you', guys. Hate to break it to you" Inej joked as everyone agreed. After a few more minutes, too tired to keep going, they all went to bed. Kaz woke up the next day to a note on his doorstep that said 'you're my favorite'. It was a bit different from the others he kept in his office. The letter was cursive, written in a rush on a slightly yellow piece of paper. Black ink.
"You plan on ever telling her?" A voice came from his side. Jesper stood, still in his white sleep shirt and trousers. "No one makes you smile. You should tell her, you know, at least." He was greeted by his boss's silence and the sound of his door closing.
Now, of course he knew. In fact, he figured it out after the fourth note or so, but Y/N didn't need to know that. Selfishly, he had been keeping that weird aching in his chest the girl brought all to himself for almost a year and it was getting tiring. Until he figured it out. He just hoped, to anyone who was willing to listen, that the notes weren't some joke for her.
He hoped that all those nights they spent enjoying the silence, the conversations where he'd let the wounded boy talk instead of the bastard of the barrel and she would listen attentively, almost lovingly, meant something to her. And that the notes were her way of saying 'I'm here and I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon'.
Y/N knew the game she came up with ended up being a breath of fresh air for all the compressed feelings she had for the boy. She had no problem with it. In the end, she was telling him every single thought that crossed her mind when those icy blue eyes turned into warmth when they were alone and he let his guard down. The things she knew she'd never say to Kaz's face.
Or so she thought.
It was a big coincidence, like a butterfly effect. Y/N came back from one of her many investigations (a trip to the Geldstraat to gather some information) and was walking up the stairs to Kaz's office to tell him what he found out. "Turns out you were right, he has two kids" she began, entering to an empty room. She should've left, see if he was in his room or downstairs watching the tables. Yet she didn't leave. Instead, with a heavy sigh, she sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk.
It gave off more of the energy from a studio rather than an office. He seemed to appreciate neatness, from the bookshelves with books arranged alphabetically to the candles placed in the appropriate places so the room could be lit perfectly at night. So, of course, she was going to notice the rectangular red box sitting messily on top of a stack of papers right in front of her.
Again, would've, could've, should've stayed in the chair. She got up and peeked. A shock ran through her body, suddenly feeling so very cold she almost turned to see if the window was open. There sat all of her notes, some a bit more used, probably from him folding and unfolding them several times. At the top was the one she sneaked just that morning; "I sometimes wonder if you think about me just as much as I do. Probably not. Have a good day, though".
A million questions running through her head. Why was he keeping them? Did he know she sent them? And most importantly, why was she so stupid!? Y/N could've just... not! Just not write those stupid notes like she had some stupid teenage crush on stupid Kaz and keep her stupid feelings to her stupid self. But no. She always had to be too much, huh? Her words and emotions spilled out of her like a river. The thing was so big it showed over her wrist.
The creek of the door. She was so inside her head she didn't hear Kaz's steps. Shit. Shit. Shit. Hoping it was her imagination playing tricks on her, she turned around. Hope died and there stood Kaz Brekker, wide-eyed and pale as a corpse. She felt like she had to say something and saints she tried, but the knot on her throat only let a choked, unintelligible sound.
It could've been hours, really. Both of them just stared at each other. Kaz was so unbelievably embarrassed he wanted to ask Jesper to just shoot him in the head to end his suffering, begging on his knees for someone to come and help him. He was never this careless, not with things like the notes. He left them out, going through them for the fourth time that week, to get a drink downstairs. How did he miss Y/N walking through the door?
"Kaz I was just here t-to uhm tell you what I found out on G-Garson. I promise I didn't mean to snoop around l-like I wasn't looking through your stuff. A-anyway who a-are these from? They're very swe-" "You don't have to pretend, Y/N."
He knew. A new dread consumed her, and she dropped her eyes to the floor as quick as humanely possible. So stupid. So stupid. "So stupid" "What?" said Kaz, letting out a breath he didn't realize he was keeping in "I'm so stupid, I'm sorry, Kaz. I-I don't know why I wrote those". Was she truly apologising to him, her head bowed in shame? For what? He looked forward to discovering one of those sweet little notes every day, wondering what kind of message she had left him this time.
Hope. He remembered the hope. Maybe he was this upset because the notes would stop now that she knew he knew? His eyes widened even more when he realized Y/N was standing right in front of him, waiting for Kaz to step out of the way so she could escape this torture. "You're right. You shouldn't have. Y-you should've just told me"
"Tell you what, Kaz?" the girl asked, taking a step back and looking straight into his eyes like he was doing. Kaz Rietveld spoke before Brekker could. "Tell me I am your favorite, that I'm on your thoughts nonstop every single fucking day, and that you consider I look lovely even with my hair in my face. If it is true, tell me right up front. I don't think I could stomach it being some crazy game, so please tell me it is real." Perplexed, she stared.
Kaz wanted it to be real, and she knew damn well it was. "You know I don't like games, Brekker. I mean it. All of it. Every single word is just me trying to catch my name in a whisper in your reactions... counting on making you smile, or at least, to temporarily jolt your thoughts from the generally dreary state they seem to be in."
He led a leather hand to grab hers, tangling their fingers with his. The boy couldn't help but notice how beautiful her eyes looked under the candlelight, warm y/e/c welcoming him home. Making him feel at ease in that saint forsaken land, knowing that with her by his side, everything seemed to be just fine.
"Y/N, since you entered my life, I have been acquainted with a new kind of light. Your presence has brought a certain innocence and laughter that I have not known before. Your character is resilient, as if it has been shaped by the hardships of this city. In my eyes, you are the embodiment of light, and I cannot help but find you lovely at all times, too"
It was a love that defied all logic and reasoning, a love that transcended the boundaries of time and space. They had each found in the other a place of serenity, a sanctuary where they could be themselves and forget the chaos of the world outside. With every passing day, their bond grew stronger, until a little piece of heaven was crafted, right there in their midst.
It was their own personal heaven, a place where they could bask in the warmth of knowing glances and brief touches, and where the mere presence of the other was enough to soothe their souls. They had found a love that whispered "I'm here" in the moments when it was necessary, a love that made a home for a broken boy and a shelter for a scarred girl who would go to the ends of the earth for him.
And as they stood there, hand in hand, they knew that they had found something special. They had found a love that was strong enough to weather any storm, a love that would see them through the trials and tribulations of life.
Together with time, they had created a world that was perfect in its imperfection, a world that was full of love, laughter, and joy. And as they gazed into each other's eyes, they knew that they had found their own personal piece of heaven on earth.
˚ · • . ° .
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#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x reader#six of crows#grishaverse x reader#kaz brekker imagine#six of crows x reader#grishaverse#shadow and bone#six of crows fanfic#kaz brekker fluff#kaz brekker oneshot#kaz brekker fic#kaz brekker fanfic
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Hey! Idk if you’re still accepting requests for one shots but here it goes
Y/N was one of the crows for some time now and to everyone she always seemed happy or unfazed by the bad things.
She usually goes to the roof right in front of Kaz’s door and just sings her heart out and this time she sang her own song (The pretender by Lewis Capaldi) what she didn’t know was Kaz was listening from his desk
And maybe some fluff after she sees him? Idk
Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader
Fake A Smile
In which one of the Crows is not as happy and carefree as she seems.
Author's Note: Oh I am so down to do this! I am still accepting requests, I just might be a little slower than I was before. I did kinda change your request, I hope it still works. I made the lyric lines smaller since I put a lot of them. Yeah, it's sorta long cause I got carried away... So sorry this took forever!
I will be your shoulder to cry on
I will make you laugh if you need
I will play the part if you say so
Yeah, I'll be anybody but me
There's a smile plastered on Y/n's face. It's so obviously fake to anyone really paying attention, but no one notices. Not the pigeons, going about their day, not the Dregs, scamming those poor pigeons, not even the Crows, her closest friends. Kaz Brekker doesn't even notice, despite taking pride in his attention to detail. She laughs along to Jesper's jokes, however bad they are, lends a shoulder to those in pain. She plays the role of a happy, carefree Crow so perfectly that even her friends don't see through her act.
To tell you the truth, I'm a mess, I'm a fool
You don't know that
And you never will
In my mind, it's instilled not to show that
It's funny that Y/n can be so happy and kind in Ketterdam, the home of the cruel. It's funny that inside she's crumbling apart and can't risk anyone knowing. Ketterdam has engraved its cruelty into her mind, and she refused to let anyone see. Brokenness in the Barrel means weakness and Y/n wouldn't allow herself to be seen as weak.
I spend almost all of my time
Feeling like I'm falling even further behind
And I know I'm so good at seeming
Like I'm not on the edge of a knife
I'm the pretender, what can I tell ya?
Designed to deceive
So tell me who you want me to be
Thoughts circle around Y/n's head as she climbs up to the roof of the Slat. She's not Inej-sneaky, though it doesn't really matter since she's not the Wraith for a reason. Y/n's a Crow, no doubt about that, but she wasn't skilled like them. She wasn't a Grisha, wasn't a sharpshooter, wasn't druskelle. She wasn't the Wraith, wasn't a demo expert and definitely wasn't Dirtyhands. She was just... Y/n L/n. She was the ordinary in a group of extraordinary, the touch of reality to their magical fantasy.
I can wear a million faces
'Cause I don't like the one underneath
Always found it easy to fake it
Yeah, I'll be anybody but me
It takes her a little while but Y/n finally reaches the roof, and then and only then does she tear away her facade. Tears stream down her cheeks, her sobs coming loud and unbidden and all she can do is sit there and cry. Then, once the tears aren't so bad anymore, she starts singing. The words she sings are shaky and her voice cracks between every few words, but right now it doesn't matter because right now she doesn't have to be perfect. Right now, she just needs to get her emotions out in the form of the song that's been cultivating in her mind for that last few months.
To tell you the truth, I'm the fraud in the room
And I know that
But you never will
In my mind, it's instilled not to show that
Kaz hears something from the roof. As per usual, it's Y/n singing. Kaz redirects his attention back to his work but then notices the difference in Y/n's voice. It's not the usual cheery song or Kerch working tune or even an old Ravkan song Nina had taught her. This song is filled with so much heartfelt emotion and sadness and pain that Kaz can't help but listen closer. After all, he may be the Bastard of the Barrel, but he's just a man, just a human whose heart aches for the person he loves.
I spend almost all of my time
Feeling like I'm falling even further behind
And I know I'm so good at seeming
Like I'm not on the edge of a knife
I feel like everything I do is a lie
And all the words just further pull the wool over eyes
I know I'm no good at being who I am away from the light
I'm the pretender, what can I tell ya?
Designed to deceive
So tell me who you want me to be
The door to the roof slams open. Y/n quickly cuts herself off, brushes away her tears and stands. She can already tell who it is by the rap of their cane but she needs a couple of seconds to collect herself. Kaz stops beside her, looking out at the horizon rather than at her.
"Kaz! Wasn't expecting to see you here!" Y/n turns her head away, just to make sure Kaz can't see any lingering tears. "Is there a new job you need me for?" The question hangs in the air. Kaz doesn't answer, doesn't even look her way. "Kaz?"
"That song. It's a new one isn't it?" He noticed her singing. It wasn't like she'd been singing quietly, but she hadn't thought he would notice. A new one? He must have been listening every time she'd come up here and she didn't even know. Maybe he had been paying closer attention than she gave him credit for... "Y/n. What's going on?"
It takes everything Kaz has for him to even ask the question and this time Y/n is the one who doesn't answer. How can she, when this is Kaz Brekker she's talking to? Kaz Brekker, the heartless Bastard of the Barrel, the infamous Dirtyhands? He wouldn't understand.
"Y/n. Answer me."
"Why?" Y/n can't help her outburst. She's been bottling this up for far too long. "Why does it matter?"
Kaz may be good with negotiations, but he's terrible at anything emotional. "I protect my investments."
Y/n scoffs. It's so unlike the Y/n Kaz is used to, but he honestly doesn't care because at least now she isn't hiding behind a mask. "Is that all I am to you? An investment?" She almost starts to walk off when Kaz's cane blocks her path.
"You're an investment." Before Y/n can interrupt in a fit of fury, he continues talking. "To the stock market, an investment is more valuable than a treasure. To the stock market, an investment is something that keeps rising in value. To the stock market, an investment is something that means the world to them. Without an investment, the stock market would crash and burn." With every word Kaz says, every word that is practically a confession of love from his mouth, Y/n steps closer until she's in front of him.
She doesn't move too close, she knows that he isn't good with touch, but she's close enough that she can see the little golden flecks in his coffee brown eyes, close enough that she can see his lips curl into a just-barely smile. "I get the feeling we aren't talking about the actual stock market." Y/n whispers.
"No. We aren't." And to both of them, that's as close of a confession as they are going to get.
And no, this doesn't heal the hurt in either of their hearts, it doesn't make Jordie any less dead or Ketterdam any kinder, but at least now they have a little place of safety. At least now they have a place where they don't have to pretend, where they don't have to fake strength or fake a smile.
#grishaverse#bookworm center#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x reader#i tried my best#i got kind of carried away lol#this song hits hard#hope you like <3#six of crows#my writing#im actually really proud of this#its probably my favorite grishaverse oneshot ive written so far
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Seawater (Kaz Brekker) part 2
Summary: After escaping from a trader who deals in human trafficking Ira finds herself drowning in more than just the ocean. When she thinks she's going to die - She stares into the endless depths of the Leader of the Crow Club and suddenly she is drowning in more than just the sea.
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!Oc
Warnings: Mention of SA, Angst, Slight Kaz Brekker OOC?
A/N: I have never read any of the books but have seen most of the show; it had been a while back but I hope I do this one-shot justice. I've revisited the show again so I wanted to write something.
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Part 1 here
She was crying. She was screaming; beating at the man with everything she had but the man wouldn't budge. Like a boulder with the mind of a bull. She hurt and no matter how much her voice raised in protest he wouldn't stop. They never do. They come and they go; using her up and throwing her away like an old rag once their money's worth was spent. And she'd be left alone, cold, and feeling as if no amount of soap, baths, or even the damned holy water of a priest would cleanse her body or mind from the horrors she endured. She saw the figure looming above her with that familiar glint in his eye that she'd come to know real well as he bounced a bag of Kruge in his palm while he leered at her.
"I think I'll keep yah gurl. You're worth more than I paid for yah."
And then she was screaming. Screaming bloody murder as he walked away. The terror she'd never felt before now tearing into her like hot iron when she realized she'd never escape this man. This hellhole just wouldn't let go of her; whatever shred of hope or light she had snuffed out in that one sentence. Her fist banged against the dirty floor as her sobs echoed in the dark and dank room she'd been held in for the last few years. Her saints have forsaken her now and she was alone.
~
Hands gripped her and it felt as if spiders crawled along her skin. She screamed out a broken sob as she fought with all the desperation she had in her body. She hated the feeling. She hated it so much; the feel of their skin along her own. Were they trying to hurt her? Were they going to use her like so countless others have? She wouldn't let them! She'd die before she'd let a man use her ever again!
"Hey! Calm down, it's alright. You're safe! You're alright little dove!"
The words were spoken frantically as hands grappled hers that flailed; smacking and shoving as if fighting off an offender. And then her eyes opened; they blurred and unfocused around the dimness of the room. So sparsely decorated with a single bed, a desk by a window, and a large trunk of drawers at the foot of her bed. A nightstand sat beside her bed where a single candlelight illuminated her surroundings only a few feet around her and for a moment her foggy brain thought she was back in that godforsaken cell.
But then the scent of familiar spice came on a shaky inhale into her lungs and rewired her brain. Citrus-like lemons, heady spice-like cinnamon, and the familiar gunpowder smoke. Each descriptive scent played on a loop in her head until her mind cleared and she slumped back into the man's arms like a dead weight.
Jesper.
It was only Jesper. Jesper wouldn't harm her. Jesper was safe. She was safe, Jesper was here with her. She repeated those words over and over in her head like a mantra as she tried to steady her frantic heartbeat. A pair of familiar bronze-colored hands hesitated as they released her arms that had been pinned in an X against her chest to keep her from flailing and instead slowly released her completely allowing the girl to pull her body from where it leaned against his.
"I'm sorry," she whispered closing her eyes. "I just - I thought-"
"It was just a nightmare." Jesper assured softly with a smile that slowly bloomed with a hesitant reassurance as brown eyes watched warily while the girl shifted to lean against the headboard; pulling the pillar in front of her and hugging it close as if shielding herself.
She looked down at her shaking hands as they gripped the pillow to her and they clenched even tighter still until her knuckles turned white and she had to bury her nose into the fabric to ground herself; inhaling the scent of the soap used to wash them - grateful beyond words when they smelled crisp and clean instead of the musty scent of that disgusting cell she'd been left to rot in.
She knew Jesper wouldn't hurt her but she was still so skittish when it came to trusting others - let alone allowing physical contact. It had taken her so long just to gather to courage to be in the same room as the man and it was only because he was the one to have jumped over that banister into the cold water to save her from drowning after the Heartrender stopped her heart. She'd owed him that much at least.
She was grateful that Jesper knew his limits, though. He'd seen the terror in her eyes on the most animalistic level that had his gut-wrenching to imagine what she'd been through to have such a reaction to a man so close to her. Ira didn't like to be touched; a fact clear as day and a thing he'd respected because she was not the only one in Jesper's circle that abhorred physical contact. The only difference was that he knew in his gut her reasoning.
He'd liked to think he earned a scrap of her trust - to allow him anywhere near her. Even in her two weeks of living with the Crows, it had been an uphill battle. It was so evident that Ira was still a girl who had lost much and Jesper found himself needing to protect her like a little sister. She wasn't particularly close with any of them but besides Jesper, the only one who'd given her any resemblance of comfort was Inej because she was a woman who had been through similar events as Ira herself. The brilliant thing about how Ira thought was how she could sense the intent in a person before she interacted with them; a trait she no doubt had learned through countless years of trauma. That trauma reflected in her eyes but he was not a blind man - more observant than people gave him credit for and he was ever grateful that he'd allowed her this closeness; little as it was right now, to allow him to stay close to her.
Then there was Kaz. Jesper couldn't wrap his head around the tension in the room whenever Ira and Kaz faced off. As if two wary animals stood on either side of the room wary of the other and hackles raised. Ira and Kaz Brekker were similar in their mistrust of people and of their touch aversion you'd think they would be on the same page. But it was as if they walked on eggshells around each other.
"D-did you just come back from another job?" Ira's big green eyes focused on the sharpshooter who looked as if he was out in thought again while he sat at the edge of her bed.
He blinked at her and gave her that ever-charming smile. "Why would you say that?"
Ira made a show of leaning over and dramatically sniffing him before her nose began to scrunch up and she pulled away. "Because you stink like you haven't bathed in a week!"
"My pride is wounded! I always smell nice!" Jesper's brown eyes widened in equal dramatization as he clasp a hand to his heart.
He wouldn't deny the fact that he felt such warmth in his heart whenever Ira had to courage to actually play like that with him regarding her past with men. She was starting to warm up to him at least and he felt such relief from that; it gave him the courage to push just a little bit to see her smile.
"I'm fine Jesper. Maybe going a little stir-crazy being locked away in this room all day...I've been reading the same two books for the past week." she gave a little shrug as she played with a string sticking from the blanket across her lap.
She knew she wasn't a prisoner here at the Slat. Inej would visit her when she wasn't scouting jobs. Jesper would pop in every few hours to check in on her and bring her food; the mother hen that he argued he wasn't. She'd only ever had one visit from Kaz a few days after she'd woken up in this room and it was a tense affair to be sure. He never did stop by again; any messages were sent to the more agreeable of his crows - he never sent one of his Dregs though, a fact that Ira had taken notice of and felt a small shred of gratefulness and respect for the boss man.
"Why don't you go upstairs to ask for another book from Kaz? I'm sure the boss man won't mind! He won't even miss it with how much work he buries himself in. If you take a look at his shelves you'd find those poor spines have more dust on them than an abandoned church." Jesper leaned back on his hands and looked over at her with a teasing smirk.
Ira didn't laugh at his joke even if her lip tipped ever so slightly upward to show her amusement. She did look up at him though after a moment but he could see the way her body tensed at the very notion of leaving this room to go see him. Kaz had done nothing to make her distrust him. Perhaps it was the dominating or cold look he always wore that made her wary of him but Jesper knew she didn't like going near the man in black.
"If you could-" Ira swallowed thickly but was unable to finish her request.
Jesper fell back on one elbow and craned his head to meet her green eyes as his own softened on her face.
"He won't hurt you Ira. No one will hurt you again. Never. "
"I know."
But did she? She was so scared of everyone; less fearful of women but like a caged animal who fell back on its primal instinct for survival she couldn't find it in herself to try and trust anyone knew. Kaz was like the dark figure in the corner of her eye she feared to turn her head to look at in case those piercing blue eyes and that crow-shaped cane would be there waiting to lash out at her.
"It's okay, whenever you're ready. I'm going to go hop on some tables and gamble away more of Kaz's money." he patted the bed between them and gave her a playful wink before he was up and heading for the door.
"So if you need me-"
"I'll holler." she finished for him. A statement of assurance they both needed as much as it was a routine. Her lips curled just a tad more as he shot him a look.
"Thanks Jesper."
"Anytime, little dove." the door snapped closed with a flurry as he left.
~
It was late - she could tell with the pitch darkness outside of her window but it didn't matter; her inner clockworks were all out of sorts. She slept when she wanted to, ate when she needed, and stayed up whenever she couldn't sleep regardless of the time of night or day. Hours after Jesper vacated her space she lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling with the book she'd been reading laid across her chest. She could hear the droll of the patrons at the Slat in the deafening silence in her room and she suddenly felt as if she was no longer alone. Knowing that just below her feet were dozens of men. Even when her door was locked from within she still feared the unknown below her.
So, she did what she didn't do often enough. Crawling from the bed she dressed in her a pair of slacks and her button-down shirt Inej had left for her; tucking the hem into her pants before slipping on her boots. She wished she had some weaponry to defend herself with if needed or at least have a dagger hidden on her to make her feel safer; instead, she armed herself with the two books she'd held hostage for the past week and with the familiar weight of them in her arms, Ira left her room - locking it securely behind her before she was heading towards a set of stairs down the hallway towards the attic where she knew the owner of the Slat and masterminds behind The Crows resided in his office/bedroom.
She was grateful when she no longer heard the sound of men's voices behind her as she finally stood in front of the door she had only ever once been standing at. Her knuckles wrapped lightly on the wood before a voice called for her to enter. She opened it just enough for her to slip through before closing. She never trusted an open door to allow anyone else to slip behind her unaware.
Kaz sat at his desk; right where she imagined he'd never felt most of his day. He looked up at her - and she froze like a deer in the headlights of a car. That familiar intensity of his cold blue eyes and sharp cheekbones would cause any other person to feel fear but Ira only felt tense; perhaps a little fear but she had to remind herself what Jesper said - Kaz would never harm her.
He was studying her without a word and she stared right back until those blue eyes were too much and she had to drop her head to avoid it; god those blue eyes had gotten her every time. So guarded and cold but if she had the strength to look deeper into his expression she'd have caught the minuscule of details. But it was just a little flicker in his eyes and the way his head tilted just a centimeter that gave him away to a sense of mild concern and curiosity as he dropped his head back down to his paperwork.
She breathed a silent sigh of relief when he no longer stared at her; the feeling of pinpricks easing from her skin and she took this as her invitation to stay. The flame of the candlelight flickering around the room cast shadows as she stepped up to a bookshelf off to the side of the room. She was not facing him but she could feel his intense stare whenever he glanced up at her watching as her hands visibly shook while she began placing the books where she'd imagined they went on the shelf.
"What is it?" his voice startled her despite the softness of his tone - it sounded larger than the familiar gunshots of Jesper's guns and Ira dropped one of the books at the sound before spinning around to stare at him. That familiar sense of danger urged her to run but Kaz never left his position at his desk; instead, he was openly staring her down.
"I-I'm sorry?" she stuttered out feeling her breath come in sharp inhales as she prayed for the panic to keep at bay.
But Kaz said nothing about her reaction and instead gave her a hard stare before setting his pen down to give her his undivided attention. That was never good when he did that and Ira knew this; she hated being pinned under men's stares. She bent down to grab the fallen book and fiddled with the edges to stop her nerves as she looked anywhere but at the man.
"You don't come up here. I'm surprised to see you out of the room."
Ira breathed out a shaky laugh and crossed her arms; hugging the book to her chest. "That's what Jesper said but he encouraged me to come up here because I'd finished the books...I-I mean I'm just returning them to you. Jesper didn't want to do it for me so he-"
"Ira."
her mouth clicked shut and she swallowed casting her eyes down to her boots. They had ever interacted once upon her first initial night awake at the Slat and he knew he made her nervous so he was trying not to be too cold towards her. Not yet; he didn't trust her but he understood her story now thanks to Inej and Jesper's interjections. He reached to grab the cane at his side and tapped it against the floor twice to get her attention; the sound made her flinch but her attention was drawn to him all the same.
"Sit down Ira. We have a business to discuss."
#six of crows#Shadow and Bone#Six of Crows#grishaverse#Kaz Brekker#fem!oc#Freddy Carter#SaB oneshot#SoC oneshot#should i make more?#angst#slight fluff#short fic?#Give me feedback for more?#Tag list open#requests open
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Birdsong: Hollow Moon
Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows
Summary: Jesper likes taking little odd jobs, they let him meet new people. Very pretty people, that he likes collecting. Despite the fact that he already has four of them waiting for him back home, he can't help but flirt with the woman that just walked into his friend's bar.
Warnings: implied unhealthy relationships, implied ableism, alcohol, and implied sexual content
Word Count: 6,388
Ship(s): Nina Zenik/Jesper Fahey/Kaz Brekker/Wylan Van Eck/Inej Ghafa/Matthias Helvar
Archive link!
A/N: I edited and got this ready to be uploaded on the same day that I'm posting it so if there are typos and spelling errors please be kind to me because I wasn't able to spend as much time on it as I wanted. I hope that you guys enjoy this installment! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3
Jesper Fahey had been taking odd jobs for as long as he could remember. Back when he was living with his father, across the country from where he was now, he had always signed up to do whatever had sounded interesting. Several of the farmhands that were the same age as him at that time had dedicated jobs that they had to check on every day, but Colm understood that wasn’t right for his son. Jesper was allowed to drift from job to job as long as he completed the tasks correctly and on time. It was what had worked best for him, which is why his schooling had struggled so much before he had the supporte he needed from his partners.
Jesper’s favorite job was working with the local theater near where he lived. It was the first place that he had managed to secure a job while trying to figure out what he wanted to do with his life now that he was no longer twenty miles from the nearest other living person. Poppy was the child of a family friend of theirs and had taken him in, but had also pushed him towards the theater.
He liked acting well enough, but memorizing the lines under the more strict directors that wouldn’t let him improvise was dull so he had to make sure that he avoided them. That limited the amount of acting jobs that he was allowed to take, but he was good when it came to the props as well. The stage crew was always so light that he was allowed to drift from job to job to job while completing about half of each. Sometimes he would leave them and someone else would come and pick them up, sometimes he found himself scrambling to get them finished the night before they had to be used. He liked the rush-rush-rush and changing nature of the theater jobs. It was alway something different and new, never the same show and rarely ever with the same premise.
He had a soft spot for the specific theater that he had been working in not just because it was the first place that really let him thrive as an adult, but also because it was the job that he had when he met Matthias. The other man had just barely moved from Denmark and was struggling to speak English, let alone hold down a job that required him to decipher the language through reading as well. Jesper had been a wonderful conversationalist and helped him adapt to a culture that he didn’t really understand.
They had both been rather lost in the big city, Jesper having grown up on a farm and the new place that Matthias lived being so different than his last one. It didn’t take long before they became as thick as thieves, and then only a week after that was when they had shared their first kiss. Things had been a little complicated in the moment since Jesper was also navigating the relationship that was beginning to develop between him and his two best friends in the entire world.
Tonight brought him a job that he was enjoying at least a little bit, though he was excited for it to end. A friend of his owned a bar close to the one that his boyfriend ran, so Jesper had agreed to be a stand in bartender during the interim of the last one quitting and the owner being able to hire a new one. He hadn’t anticipated that quitting to happen directly when Inej was getting back from the shows that she had been doing in Germany, which made him a little antsy to get back to his home.
They had all finished moving into the estate that he and Wylan had cleared out, which meant that they were all finally back together. It was a bit of a steep learning curve but they each had their own rooms and space so that they could be away from each other when they needed it. Still, of course, they were living together which meant that they had to learn and work around the new quirks of every person in the house.
Jesper had tended a bar before, usually at the Crow Club after Kaz asked him to with those puppy dog eyes that he just couldn’t ignore. Kaz was better at begging with his eyes than Matthias’ dog Djel, which was saying something.
This establishment was different than Kaz’s in the aesthetic and the types of people that it attracted. The layout had tables scattered around the main floor, all of them the same color of dark cherry wood with a different numbers of chairs littered around them. They were all stocked with a bowl in the center that could be filled with peanuts, fries, or chips depending on what they ordered. The walls were lined with booths that had red coverings and silver outlines, along with a couple of tasteful art pieces. There were also TVs littered around the space, pointed in different direction so that people could catch the news or a variety of sports games playing on the cable channels that the bar paid for. The bar itself had the three regular flavors of juice that were mixed into cocktails, as well as the soda gun. The rows and rows of alcohol behind him were kept in place with a thin clear plastic band so that he could see the label for when someone asked for something specific. In front of him were a couple of stools for people to sit on, which Jesper half hated despite his general love for people and communication.
He had been serving drinks to people for the better part of two hours and was growing bored with it. He wished that he could switch the TV to something else to distract him from the growing pile of texts in his pocket. Inej and Wylan were being bad influences on each other and encouraging him to skip out on the rest of his job and come home early so that he could spend time with them. Inej had only been back home for a couple of days so having her around them was relatively novel again, which made the fact that he was away from her during that returning honeymoon period all the more annoying.
The people milling around the bar were still far and few between for how early it was in the night. He’d see a much larger surge in the crowd leaning towards midnight, when the bar closed. His friend owned one of those places where working people were supposed to come after they got dinner with their friends to get a drink before they returned to the monotony of their lives. That meant that he was making a lot of whisky and not a lot of the cocktails that he enjoyed making.
He had recently been experimenting with his recipe’s on Matthias’ behalf to try and find him a non-alcoholic version of the drink that he had gotten at The Blue Jay when he and Kaz had met up a business partner a few weeks ago.
Despite the time, things seemed like they were about to get a lot more interest as a big group entered into the bar. There were two men and four women from what Jesper could see. He didn’t like to assume that kind of thing more than he had to, but he also liked to looked for the stereotypical dramas that played out in a lot of people’s lives. He was always open to being corrected, but speculating about what was happening in groups he wasn’t a part of was one of the only things that kept him sane during the monotony of this kind of job.
Jesper continued to work on the drinks that had been ordered from him, keeping his eye on the group as they found one of the booths towards the back of the bar that was big enough to fit everyone. They were discussing something between themselves, obviously already very close based on the way that they were knocking against each other and grabbing things out of each other’s hands.
It reminded him of being back home with his partners, which made his heart ache. He didn’t realize how much being out of the house at night just a few days after Inej came back home was going to be tearing him up, but it was.
He tried to distract himself as he focused on making the drink that he had been sipping on himself for the last hour. He made a point of not drinking when he was at work even if Kaz could very easily coerce him into having a drink or two when they were having date nights, but he would allow himself one if he fucked up a cocktail in a very slight way. It felt like a shame to waste alcohol and juice just because he had accidentally messed up the ratio away from the vodka.
“Barkeep!” a sultry voice from behind him said. It was rich and deep in a way that would have made a wonderful second alto if she was singing, and entrenched in a very nice accent.
“Yes?” he asked, a smirk playing over his lips as he turned around to face her. She had the looks to match the voice that she had, absolutely gorgeous and very obvious that she was somewhat aware of that.
She had long brown hair that was curled around the side of her face and woven intricately back into a bun on the back of her head. Her jawline was just sharp enough to be accentuated with a tiny bit of bronzer but still soft enough that it highlighted the beautiful plumpness of her body. She had a smokey eyeshadow and perfect catwing eyeliner to bring out the pop of her gray-blue eyes and a matching plumb lipstick. She was wearing a black suit jacket with nothing underneath other than a red lace bra that clung to her skin in just the right way, flush but not squishing anything. Jesper could see the sneaking curve of a feather tattoo resting above her heart, hidden mostly but still visible enough to be tantalizing.
“You’re not the regular bartender,” she commented when he turned around fully.
Jesper pouted at that, tilting his head to the side, “Sorry to disappoint.”
“I don’t think that you could disappoint me if you tried, darling,” she replied easily as she folded her arms on the edge of the bar and leaned forward.
Jesper had been working with enough sexually promiscuous and exploitative people for long enough that he could tell the difference between someone trying to hit on him and someone trying to get something out of him. She didn’t want free drinks like the last group of women he had tried to flirt with while bartending had, she was genuinely interesting him.
She sighed as she toyed with a single lock of her hair that had been left out of the updo, winding it around her finger until she released it so that it bounced next to her naturally freckled face. “I do have to actually tell you what we want now, though.”
“Oh, do you come here often?” Jesper asked. He had been washing down the bar, and it felt oh-so-terribly cliche to do so, but he moved his arms out wide with the towel grasped in one hand so that he was lower down and closer to her.
The woman tilted her head to the side as a beautiful little smile toyed at her lips. She was clearly enjoying the attention that she was getting, and he loved giving it to her. “I played a show here last week. Something small and intimate to help drive up nighttime numbers,” she supplied. “A friend of mine recently went through a bad breakup and she liked this place so we decided to come back this evening.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. About your friend, that is,” Jesper pointed with his head back towards the table where the rest of her group was waiting. He knew that she had come in with them because he had gotten a decently long look at them, but he was glad he got to see her much closer than he had before. “I could never be sorry about you coming here again because it meant that I got the pleasure of meeting you.”
A rosy glint took over her cheeks and the catlike smile painted on her plumb-colored lips widened. “I can’t say that I’m particularly sad about what happened to the other bartender either, you’re much nicer than he was.”
“I do try my best for pretty ladies such as yourself. Can’t say that I take great care of the dodgy old men that come to leer at the sports,” he smirked back in reply. He was, of course, at least courteous to all of the patrons that came in so that that bar could keep up its business, but it was more fun to pretend that he wasn’t to her.
“Well, I do feel special,” she tilted her head down towards one shoulder as she did a half-shrug. The gesture was cute and it made Jesper feel warm inside to know that it was directed specifically towards him.
“Good, someone was pretty as you certainly does deserve to feel special,” he smiled. He remembered that he was there as a worker and not another patron, so he did have to work. “Now, what can I get you?”
“Well, the table wants a load of shots while they decide what they want to be drinking all evening. And then I’ll just take some soda water for myself,” she replied, a little bit of a pout taking over her beautiful features.
“Soda water?” Jesper wrinkled his nose. He tried not to judge other people for what they wanted, but it was such a bland drink for a woman that outwardly seemed so rich and complicated. He knew that type of dichotomy did exist in some people but it was also the first time that someone had ordered carbonated water from him while he was tending.
The woman sighed, toying with the strand of hair again as she shifted her weight to her other foot. “Unfortunately, I’m the designated driver so I will not be drinking tonight. Someone has to stay sober enough to make sure that Nikolai and Zoya don’t fall into bed with each other. Again,” she cringed, wrinkling her nose cutely.
Jesper had the impulse to kiss her on the nose for just a moment before he pushed the thought from his mind. He had developed crushes on people very quickly before, but that had mostly faded now that he had four partners of his own waiting for him at home. They kept him busy and fulfilled enough things in his life that he never felt like he had to continue looking for anything else.
He cleared his throat and stood back up. He grabbed one of the shot trays from behind him, a wooden plate with indents for the glasses. He placed ten of the shot glasses down in it while he asked, “How about you tell me your favorite cocktail and I’ll make a virgin?”
“Are you really going to be able to do that?” she asked, eyeing him nervously.
Jesper tried not to be offended. A lot of the other bartenders that he had met were so focused in with the alcohol that they didn’t know what kind of flavors could supplement them when it was removed. He also had no precedent with her, so while he hated people doubting his ability to do his work he couldn’t really fault her for it. So he smiled confidently at her and said, “Yes, I can.”
And, because he had so much trouble being able to contain himself, he said, “One of my boyfriends recently got into vintage cocktails. He doesn’t do very well when it comes to kitchen work and doesn’t want to be getting wasted every night so I’ve been making him virgin cocktails for the better part of two weeks.” It was a bit of a curveball when it came to flirting. Matthias liked to hide the fact that he was polyamorous until he was sure that the relationship was going to lead to something romantic or sexual because his Christian upbringing made him feel so awkward about it. Kaz never flirted with anyone, which was probably for the best. Inej and Wylan usually brought it up towards the end of the first date that they were having with a prospective partner, which didn’t happen very often. Jesper liked to throw it in at the beginning of his flirting so that he could talk about the partners that he adored without it convincing the person that he was pursuing that he was off the market.
She raised her brow at him, “Just had to slip that in there, didn’t you?” Her accent got thicker when she teased him, which he thought was absolutely adorable.
“I thought that it was worth mentioning,” he winked. He was letting the flirting go on a little bit longer than he probably should have as some of the other patrons were nearing the end of their drinks, which usually meant that he’d have an uptick in things that he was supposed to do. Still, he was validating it to himself with the fact that he had brought the shot set and the glasses over with him.
Something that he couldn’t quite read crossed her face as she stood up to her full height. Jesper wondered what kind of heals she was wearing and how tall she would be compared to Inej and Matthias, the extreme end of the spectrum in height out of his polycule. He hadn’t been able to see the bottom half of her outfit when she was walking over to him since he had been trying to distract himself from the heavy heart in his chest.
She glanced back towards the booth where her friends were getting restless before she drilled those piercing eyes back on him. He felt like she was trying to peel him apart so that she could see exactly what made him tick, examining the mechanisms of his heart with the eye of a clockmaker. “You’re not trying to flirt with me so that you can get to one of my friends, right?”
“Darling, if I wanted to flirt with one of those boys over there then I would flirt with them directly,” Jesper said honestly. It amazed him that someone was divinely beautiful as her thought that she would be passed up for the others that she had come into the bar with. While they were generally handsome, none of them held the mystique and grace that she did.
“Really? You’re not trying to make me feel so special and doted on that I get flustered and send someone else to the bar so you can pounce on them?” she asked, eyeing him suspiciously. “Because Nikolai isn’t the type that you should date and David is engaged.”
“Do you think that I’m gay?” Jesper asked, realizing the mistake that he had made. In trying to tell her a little bit more about his romantic life to show that he was interested, he had made the mistake of leaving out the fact that he could be and was interested in her that way. It was a flub that he had made before, and it would not be the last time, he was sure.
She raised her perfectly penciled brow at him as she placed both of her palms flat down on the table. “What else was that line about your boyfriends supposed to do for me?”
“I may have misspoke,” he replied awkwardly. “I was simply trying to come on to you a bit harder, beautiful. You’re a very pretty woman, it’s easy to get tongue tied,” he winked at her.
Her shoulders dropped as she became more relaxed. He wondered how often someone had overlooked her despite her obvious beauty and wit, to try and get to someone that she cared about. She tilted her head to the side again and said, “I’m Nina.”
“Jesper,” he replied as he mirrored her look. “Now what can I get you, before my boss decides that I’ve done a horrible job and you have to spend the next night getting to know a new bartender.”
She laughed at that, her beautiful eyes sparkling. “I’ll take a virgin pina colada if you think that you can make that.”
“What kind of shots would your friends like?” he asked as he got out the class that her served those drinks in.
“Vodka,” she supplied. She moved to one of the stools and got up on it so that she was able to continue to talk with Jesper without being in the way of the other patrons that might need to come and speak with him.
He got out the vodka that they kept for when people didn’t give them a specific brand and then filled up all ten shots easily. He moved the plate up towards her on the bar as he got to work on mixing her drink. “Is this something that you do often?” Nina asked, placing her elbow up on the bar so that she could rest her head on her hand.
Jesper shrugged, glancing at her while trying to focus mostly on his work. “I have a bartending license, if that’s what you’re asking,” he replied. “I don’t usually hop from bar to bar to startle people that are used to seeing a certain face back here. Though mine is usually an upgrade.”
“It certainly is for me,” she winked playfully at him.
He felt heat pool in his veins, dripping down from his heart. The longer that he spent time around her, the harder it was to deny. Nina was magnetic.
“Well I’m glad that I can be a bit of change in decor for you. You said that you had played here the other week?” he asked, trying to get to know her better. The flirting in between the conversation was usually his favorite part, but flirting just to flirt got a little boring after some time.
She toyed with the edge of the plate with one hand as she said, “I’m in a band with all of the people I came in with, sort of. Alina, Zoya, and Nikolai are my bandmates but Genya styles us to make sure that we don’t look like a complete disaster.”
He wasn’t able to put the names to faces, but it was nice to be supplied with a bit of information anyway. “I could never imagine you being anything other than immaculate.”
“You’re quite the sweet talker,” she commented. “Not that I’m complaining now that I know you’re not trying to get me involved in yet another relationship drama I can’t even have the fun of being part of.”
“Two of your bandmates sleeping together whenever they’re left drunk or unsupervised does sound stressful,” he nodded. Before he had gotten into his current polycule, it had been a hassle to try and navigate the friends-with-benefits relationships that he tended to become a part of back when he was doing theater full time.
“It’s not quite that,” she rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed at even the memories that were popping up in the back of her mind. “I do love my bandmates and I’m so happy that we’re back together but Nikolai and Zoya having the weird on-again-off-again thing that they do is the least of my worries.”
“Do tell,” he supplied as he finished up with her drink.
She took the glass with her nimble fingers and then smiled. “You better hope that this is good enough for me to want another so that you can find out more of my drama,” she winked. She slipped off of the barstool and disappeared to the back of the bar with what she had ordered.
Despite barely knowing anything about Nina, he desperately hoped that she would like what he had made her. Both so that she had something to cheer her up since she seemed to be so upset with the way that her life was going and so that she would come back to talk with him more.
---
Jesper tried to get lost in his work. He made sure that he was focusing on all of the patrons equally instead of keeping his eyes glued on Nina, who was sitting with her friends and sipping on her drink. She had sent the blond man over to the bar so that he could order martinis for the drinking members of the group, but Jesper had made sure to just be professional with him as he was taking the order and preparing it. He wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a test of some sort so that she could confirm that he was focused on her, but he hoped that he had passed it.
Given that it was a weekday, even the large rush of people towards the evening who wanted to pregame before they went clubbing was relatively small. Jesper had to card two teenagers that thought enough makeup and a suit would make them look adult enough to avoid that. He had just finished sending them away, rubbing out the headache that was beginning to form on his temples, when he heard Nina’s voice again.
“You were right, you are rather good at this,” she purred as she set her now empty glass onto the counter. “Would you make me another?”
“Only if you spill your secrets for me, beautiful,” he said teasingly.
She was already positioning herself onto the stool that she had been on before, directly in front of his workspace. “My band is called Shadow and Bone. We’ve been together for four years, but we had to take a huge break in the middle because one of my bandmates got into a relationship that wouldn’t let her play with us. It’s not my place to talk about that, but it meant that we couldn’t even practice, let alone make our own stuff. Each of us went and made our own side bands so that we could continue creating, other than Alina, but it’s left things a little twisted now.”
“Something you’re still untangling?” he asked.
She nodded. “I got very popular with my music, but it isn’t something that can work with the type of music that we play as a group. Just the other day I had someone try to accuse me of changing the sound of our music even though Alina and I switch off singing and all four of us write everything together,” she rolled her eyes.
A mischievous look overtook her face as she said, “If you’re interested in looking me up then my solo work was under the name Heartrender. I wasn’t nearly as good as Nikolai, but he passed on the name of his work to a mutual friend of ours. Have you heard of an artist called Sturmhond?”
She was assuming that he worked in bars more often than he did by asking that, but by some stroke of luck he was actually familiar with the name that she had just given him. “I am. My friend Poppy did a set with him during a drag show she did,” he supplied. He hadn’t been able to attend said show because Wylan and Kaz had both ended up getting a cold and he was the only one that was able to take care of them, but she had told him all about it the next time he was able to show up for rehearsals.
“You know Poppy?” Nina asked, her face illuminating with an excited look. “Small world!”
He chuckled alongside her, basking in the brightness of her warmth. He wished that she could sit by him the entire time that he was working, but he knew that she had come to help comfort her friend through a breakup. Jesper had been around enough broken hearted people and been consumed by it enough himself to know the importance of having support during those times. “Your drink, my dear,” he handed over the finished cocktail that she had ordered.
“Thank you, handsome,” she winked.
---
For the rest of the night, Jesper worked alone. He poured what felt like a thousand glasses of beer and a million shots, until his arms and wrists were sore from the repetitive motion. Nina hadn’t strayed over to the bar again as she continued to nurse the singular refill that she had gotten on her virgin cocktail. He was right about the rush happening closer to midnight, but everyone had already trickled out by the time that they hit eleven.
When they were at the height of the crowd, the owner had slipped behind the bar to help him out. They had worked in tandem with each other, silent but efficient. Jesper was terribly exhausted by the time he finally slipped into the back with a plate of fries and a water to rest up before the last stretch of his shift. He brought his phone out and connected the wireless earbuds that he kept with him in his pocket for when he got overstimulated. He opened Spotify, searching up the band that Nina had given him.
He chose the one that she was in with other people first, clicking on the first song that popped up, obviously their most popular. He could tell that it was her voice crooning to him immediately as the first couple of lines played, “Late at night, when the stars don't look quite right. In the darkness, slowly crawling over my skin. Whispers at the door ‘Let us in, let us in.’ I'm a fool! I've been howling at a hollow moon! There's something burning in the empty room inside of my head. Fill it up with doubt, let it in, let it spread. I won't be sleeping, there's too many monsters in the backyard and I feel them creeping closer, closer, closer. I'm afraid. Is this a bunker or a shallow grave? Either way I'm left holding onto the shovel and rope, digging in the dirt, finding bones, finding ghosts. I won't be sleeping, there's too many monsters in the backyard and I feel them creeping closer, closer, closer. But if I made my bed did I make the demons in it? Set 'em free from my head, did I make the demons in it?”
She sang the chorus over and over again, the notes seeping together and burrowing their way into Jesper’s soul. He had always been a fan of music, which was how he and Wylan had met in the first place. They had been attending the same small music course and immediately hit it off, even if the other had a harder time reading music and instead just memorized a song. He wondered what it would be like if Wylan and Nina performed together, if Jesper would be able to handle it or if it would kill him on the spot.
He favorited her band so that he could come back and check it out later as he searched up the name that she had told him she used for her solo work. It was easier to listen to the more manufactured, pop-leaning stuff while also finishing up the other business than the more raw sounding classical that her band made. He let the songs play in the background as he flicked through the messages that his partners had sent him. He replied to a few and then took a screenshot of the song that he had listened to from Nina and sent it to Wylan so that he could get his boyfriend’s opinion on it.
Almost immediately afterwards he got a text from Matthias, which meant they were like watching one of their medical drama shows while waiting for him to come home. Inej and likely coaxed Kaz into the bath with her, the only person that understood the touch issues he had well enough to have that kind of special intimacy with him.
Jesper felt the fry that he had been eating become lodged in the back of his throat as Matthias informed him that the girl he had been flirting with over Instagram for the better part of the last two weeks also happened to be the woman that he had met at the bar. It really was a small world afterall.
He rushed through the last part of his break so that he could hopefully get back out in the bar before Nina left. He hadn’t want to be so creepy as to obviously check to make sure that she had stuck out the busy part of the night, especially since she would have been there for hours if she had. He made sure to calculate his walk so that he had slipped back into the persona that he used when he was working, suave and smooth, much like acting. He didn’t want it to seem like he was too frantic or desperate to get back to work lest he freak her out.
He had stepped back behind the bar and served two other patrons, switching out with the owner, when Nina finally came back up. The relief that he felt upon knowing that she hadn’t left despite having been huddled in the back corner for hours at that point made him feel a little embarrassed. He ignored it as he looked up to her, waiting for what she had to say.
“I was wondering when you were going to be back,” she smiled as she took the same stance that she had when they had first begun their interaction.
“Sorry for leaving you, baby, but I had to take a quick break,” he explained as he set down the glass that he had just finished cleaning.
“I understand, being that handsome has to take quite the toll on someone,” she winked back in reply, which made his heart flutter. He hadn’t known how Matthias had fallen so hard and so fast for Nina, especially since it had taken him almost a week to get to the point where they could even hold a conversation with each other. Now that she was standing in front of him in all of her smooth, gorgeous, suave glory, he understood.
“If you keep this up then I’m going to fall in love with you,” he grinned. He was telling the truth, of course. If she continued to treat him like he was something special then he was going to fall head over heels for her the same way that Matthias had. He’d be tender smiles down at his phone and one earbud in to loop the sound of her crooning musical voice into his mind while doing mundane tasks.
Nina had the common decency to look a little bashful at that as she shifted awkwardly. “I have to admit that the idea of that doesn’t sound too bad. I came over here to pay my tab but I was also hoping that I could possibly get a way to stay in contact with you?”
Excitement burst through him like fireworks as he leaned forward like he was going to share a secret that no one else was allowed to hear. “If you ask Matthias then he’ll give you everything,” he winked.
She looked a little confused and scared, as if he had found out that she was somehow trying to give him the runaround. He tilted his head back towards the door he that led to the back room, “When I took my break I searched you up and sent one of your songs to my partner who likes music. Turns out that he was with Matthias and we found out that we had been flirting with the same woman. So it sounds like you’re going to fit into our relationship quite well if you’re serious about pursuing us.”
Immediately the panic left her and she laughed. It was louder than the quiet giggles that she had given her before, all rosy tinkling and shaking shoulders. She then shook her head, causing a few of the curls that had come loose from her tight bun to bounce around her beautiful face. “I should have known when you mentioned the cocktails, it’s all Matthias has been talking about lately.”
“He gets like that sometimes,” Jesper agreed. It was endearing how one thing could take over Matthias’ entire personality until he had discovered how it worked or how he could navigate it properly and then moved onto the next thing.
Nina shifted and handed him her card. He processed it for the tab that the table had wracked up and then handed it back to her. She said, “I don’t want to take up all of your time tonight, but I would like to see you again. I’ll ask Matthias for your handle and then we’ll talk more, alright?”
“I think that the both of us would like that very much,” Jesper nodded. Even if he didn’t actually develop a romantic or sexual relationship with Nina, the idea of getting to have someone as wonderful and mysterious as her in his life was very enticing. He leaned across the bar so that he was closer to her, giving her the hint of what he wanted. Jesper asked, “May I kiss you?”
A pretty smile split across her face and she said, “Polite as well as handsome, color me surprised. You may.” She placed one of her hands on his cheek, letting him feel the calloused nature of her hand. She then leaned in and pressed their lips together in a quick, chaste kiss. She smelled like green apples and lavender, mixing together distinctly to make her smell overall sweet. He could taste the vanilla of her lipstick and the pineapple clinging to her tongue from the drinks that he made her throughout their evening of flirting.
#fanfiction#fanfic#writing#ao3#archive of our own#grishaverse#six of crows#soc#oneshot#jesper fahey#nina zenik#jesper x nina#nina x jesper#polycrows#polyamory#poly#kaz brekker#alina starkov#genya safin#inej ghafa#matthias helvar#wylan van eck#nikolai lantsov#zoya nazyalensky#david kostyk#jenina
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