#goodbye emotional stability it was so nice to have known you even if for just a short while | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yoonpobs · 3 years

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we don't talk together | myg

pairing: min yoongi x oc

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, growth! exes that remain exes

words: 2, 842

summary: it's hard to say it's over

What they don't tell you about goodbyes is that it isn't the end.

It's far from the closing of a book. Goodbyes are the itch that urges you to pick up an old book from the shelf just to feel what you first felt when you re-read certain parts of a book; the same remorse you felt when a character you grew attached to didn't get the ending they deserved. Or, maybe it was the villain that was misunderstood—your own heart wishing to reach out to the sad soul that couldn't even be recognised when all they do is speak.

But some books will end up dusty, forgotten, tucked away in the corner of your shelf; or in the most drastic of cases: lost.

"The park looks ... different," Yoongi speaks up for a lack of a better conversation starter.

You hum. What would you say? That it wasn't the same from when we used to spend our Spring's blended into Summer's until it got too hot for us to lay in each other's embrace?

It was still too fresh even though it's been nearly a year.

"There are more dogs," You point out the moment a tan pomeranian runs past the two of you, the owner an old couple laughing away under the cherry blossoms.

He nods, fingers stuffed in his trench coat. You note that it's the same one he wore on your anniversary, plans abandoned when there was a mix-up with the reservations until the two of you stumbled across a hidden gem that soon became your go-to date place.

You will yourself to look away so no more memories can resurface. It seems like every part of your life has somehow seamlessly intertwined itself with traces of Yoongi that it was impossible for you to exist as just yourself.

"How are things at the firm?" He asks after the two of you walked side-by-side in complete silence as more and more chatter fill your ears.

"It's ... going," You chuckle dryly.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at you, shooting you a brief glance over until the two of you reach a bench. You dare say it's muscle memory that dragged your heavy feet into the direction of the only bench that you've known in the park. The compressed reminder of the initials of your names that you carved as teenagers likely still staining the years old wood. It was meant to be an emblem for wisdom, the ring of growth that meant to be the endgame for the two of you.

You almost laugh in bitterness and how literal the metaphor was.

"Everything okay?"

Yoongi takes the first step to sit on the bench because he always did. Ever the gentlemen when he opened doors for you, let you into the car first, waited until you stepped ahead of him to trail behind like a shield.

The first date, first kiss, first confession.

The first one to decide that it was over.

"My boss is just being sexist, as usual. I thought I'd get used to it after spending two years there but ... there are some things that you just stay unfamiliar, you know?"

It was very like you to speak in double-entendres without intending to. But it was also like Yoongi to pick up on it, especially after years of learning all the best and worst parts of you; he was and probably will be one of the few people in your lives that will always foresee your next move.

The two of you sit a fair distance apart on the bench even if it was a battle for space anyway. You didn't have the liberty to lean into his embrace anymore and he wasn't in the position to say that it was okay for you to breathe, to relax.

"You shouldn't get used to those remarks. There are times where you learn to grow used to constructive criticism but if what he's saying makes you question your worth because of very arbitrary reasons like your gender then that isn't criticism, nor is it constructive. It's bigoted and chauvinistic."

You look down to your thumbs as you fiddle with it, his words comforting you. It was woeful that you still chased validation from him even after learning to be that person to yourself.

"Yeah, I guess."

Then how did you get used to things?

If time didn't make things familiar then what did? Was it not the five years with Yoongi that led you to see him build an empire for himself all the while destroying the relationship that you had? Or was it because he was the person that you thought of doing the most minuscule things?

"By the way," He clears his throat, eyes still set forward, "Namjoon says hi."

You raise an eyebrow, surprised to hear the name of a mutual friend—or more appropriately, friend by association and acquaintance when that link was broken.

"He knows that you're with me?"

Yoongi nods his head.

"I needed to let someone at the studio know and ... well, he's the only one that knew of our situation."

You chuckle bitterly.

Of course. The suggestion of his work only made your heart drop because as much as you wanted to be supportive of him, even after the break-up, the name of his studio or songs only reminded you of the battle that you helplessly lost.

"You can tell him that I'm still a text or phone call away. No need to play messenger," You return.

The atmosphere is more reflective than awkward. You know that the two of you had your pieces to say, your own narrative to tell but neither brave enough to break the calm that you were settled in. It was a nice difference from the way that things ended, and you supposed that you were similar enough to believe in a mirage than the inevitable truth.

But you didn't call him out after six months to sit in silence to walk away with your heart feeling heavier, nor did you invite him out just to remember what it feels like to have him next to you—even in complete silence.

"Would you have really quit?"

This time, you gather all the bravery that you've built over the past few months to ask the question that has been mulling in your mind since the night you decided that it was officially over.

It was a painful break-up. Even if you expected it when Yoongi came home earlier one night with bags under his eyes and his keys that he usually left at the studio because he knew you'd always be home to open the door for him.

"I'm sorry?" He seems taken aback.

You don't blame him. You've always been more passive in dealing with confrontation due to your conflict-averse nature—but that didn't mean you didn't get angry or annoyed—or hurt. But if you learned anything, it was to stop asking yourself questions that you'll never have the answer to.

"Would you really have left the company to save our relationship?"

You chose your words carefully. Instead of saying to be with you, knowing that he lost the love, he had for you somewhere along the way—you point out the one hole that he held on to for the sake of stability. The one thing that was constant in his life with how unpredictable the music industry was.

"Yes."

Somehow, the answer doesn't make you feel better because even with time apart you knew he was lying to save your face.

"You don't owe me anything to lie to my face, Yoongi." You frown.

Yoongi sighs, rubbing his hands across his face as he leaves your statement hanging in the air to mull over his answer.

You prefer the silence that way. It showed that he was at least listening, or cared enough to decide his next set of words. Nothing like how much it pained you to acknowledge the responses you got from him when you were crying were just out of obligation than sincerity.

"No, I wouldn't have."

You nod your head, expectant of the answer but you needed to hear him say it himself rather than drowning yourself in ruminating thoughts of how there was still a semblance of hope that he would've given it up for you, for your relationship—or the life that you were meant to build.

"I wouldn't have asked you to, anyway." You confess.

Yoongi turns his head to look at you and for the first time since you've met at the park, he notices the absence of a necklace around your neck. The necklace that you never took off. He wants to comment on it, ask where it went or if you've pawned it off out of pettiness but he held no remorse towards you. You were tolerant with the break-up even as you sucked in your tears when he knew that it killed you on the inside. Yoongi didn't have the heart in him to ask you.

"Oh."

"You were the one that said you'd quit so we could stay together," You say softly.

Yoongi doesn't respond as he looks back to the night where the two of you sat down to talk about the standing of your relationship. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that started off with an amicable discussion that eventually led to the two of you yelling until you surrendered to your tears and just left the battle completely.

He said a lot of things that night. From things that he's been bottling up for months, to things that he's always wanted to tell you and things that he didn't remotely mean, and things that he's regretted the moment it left his lips.

"I guess I did."

You sigh, leaning back into the bench as you observe a couple walking in front of you, passing your bench as they share an ice cream on a cone; bickering on who'd get the first lick. To anyone, you and Yoongi would've looked just like a couple that has reached a comfortable point in your relationship where intimacy was just sitting next to one another.

But you admit, there was something oddly intimate and heart-breaking about sitting next to someone you've loved with your whole heart and feel nothing but ... weightlessness. Like the burden of your concerns was lifted ever so slightly just being here.

"I wouldn't have made you choose between your relationship or your dream, Yoongi. I would never have done that to you."

Yoongi knew you would never have made him do something as abhorrent as that. You were far too understanding. But you had wanted from him too, that he wasn't willing to provide just yet. He didn't know if it was because of the expiration date to your relationship or because of the stress he was under at work—but he convinced himself that it was you that was asking for too much instead of him compromising too little.

"I ... I know," He whispers, "I'm sorry."

You purse your lips. You try not to let your emotions appear on your sleeve. You were tired of allowing your face to speak before you did. You needed to use the voice you had.

"I loved you so much, Yoongi," You murmur, "I loved you so much that I would have taken anything I could've gotten with you just so I could be with you."

Yoongi stays silent at this.

"I didn't mind if you spent more time at work than at our home. I just wanted to know if I was ever in the picture when you were talking about the future. I know how much you love music and I supported you through every audition and failure ... and to know that I was just—" You swallow, the words still painful to say. But you needed to make your peace with it, "—that I was just someone that would wait for you instead of your partner. That's when I knew that you didn't love me the way I loved you."

Yoongi chokes to speak up but you shake your head.

"No, Yoongi. You loved me, you did. But somewhere along the way you stopped and you just pretended that we were okay even when I was trying my best to fix the seams. I wasn't your girlfriend anymore, I was just someone familiar to you and I didn't deserve to feel that way." You tell him sternly.

Yoongi surrenders to his silence as you take a deep breath to continue.

"Maybe I loved you too much in a way that you couldn't understand."

"_______, don't say that—" His eyes widen when he tries to reach a hand to yours to comfort you, but your body language remains stoic as you keep your hands in your lap.

"—and that's okay Yoongi. I loved you but not in the way you needed. I'm not here to make you feel bad about what I chose to do on my own because it wasn't my fault that I couldn't be what you need." You say sadly, but a small smile on your face as you finally say the words that have been eating at you for months.

"... okay," Yoongi accepts.

"We all have different ways to love and be loved. I loved you and that was enough for you at one point but love isn't all a relationship needs. You loved me too, in your own way and I accepted that but just because it was enough for me doesn't mean it was enough for us." You glance over at him to see him staring at you intently.

"I'm sorry that things turned out this way," Yoongi says softly, eyes gentle.

You wave him off.

"I don't think I'll ever love someone as much as I loved you, though," He confesses, eyes returning to the scene in front of him filled with different colours of life that seemed to look vibrant under the Spring sunset.

You shake your head and chuckle softly.

"You say that now but you'll meet someone one day and you'll remember all the reasons why you love in the first place. And it'll be enough for you, and them."

He shrugs, a small smile itching on his face.

"I really did love you," He says, "But I'm sorry for not being honest with you. I owe you that much of an apology."

"We're not here to forgive or forget, Yoongi," You look at him kindly, "We're here to move on."

He purses his lips and hums, nodding his head.

"I hope you get that promotion at work you were talking about months ago, ______." Yoongi offers, a gentle grin marring his face.

"I did," You shrug.

It feels liberating to have achieved something and only feeling content by acknowledging it yourself. Months ago, you would've hurt at the fact that Yoongi didn't know. But the change you welcomed after the end only showed you that there was a new path for you to walk on.

His eyes widen, but eventually, he chuckles and shakes his head, muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like knew it.

You push yourself off the bench, dusting your hands on your pants as you offer him one last smile before you say goodbye for the second time.

"I hope you find someone who you'll love more than you ever did with me." You tease.

He rolls his eyes.

"Impossible," The grin on his face is easy, and your heart still clenches at the nonchalance, but you don't expect the feeling to go away so easily—nor do you mind. It just shows that you needed to wait and that you were willing to do it.

"Of course you will. You're a musician, Yoongi. You need a muse," You smirk at him as you turn around, a small wave on your hand to say goodbye.

As you walk away and his body gets smaller and smaller from your vision, you turn around to say:

"We don't talk together is a beautiful song."

Yoongi's smile is genuine, and so is his goodbye. A gentle acknowledgment of his hand as he stands up himself, walking to the other direction of where you were headed.

You still had a love for Yoongi, and you suppose you always will. Just like how you would feel pleasant when rediscovering a childhood hobby that triggers a fond memory, or how you love different things in your life in different ways. Whether or not you love someone more than you've ever loved Yoongi isn't your concern, because when love comes in one form, it goes in another.

When you still take the same route you'd usually take with Yoongi after your walks back home, you pass the cafe you used to frequent to see that it's replaced with a new bar. You smile fondly to yourself, shaking your head.

You loved that place.

But eventually, you'll find another cafe with a beautiful interior and a latte to match, and you'll love it too.

#bts fic #bts imagine #bts fics #bts imagines #bts yoongi #bts fluff #bts angst #yoongi x reader #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #yoongi exes #yoongi imagine #yoongi fic #yoongi breakup #angst #fluff #yoongi #min yoongi x reader

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ninjaboy13779546 · 3 years

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Never Alone💚🖤(Sylki)

***Lamentis-1***

It was over, all hope now lost. Loki and Sylvie had just ran and fought through what seemed like a small army of guards, all the while dodging falling meteors and debris from buildings around them. And yet, it was all for nothing. For the Ark that they fought so hard to reach had been destroyed by an incoming meteor just seconds after takeoff.

The sight left Loki and Sylvie there, shocked, winded, and hopeless. To the point where Sylvie had left Loki to stand there in shock while she walked off.

It took a moment to come down from his adrenaline rush for Loki to realize he was alone. Looking around, he noticed Sylvie was nowhere around and ran off to go find her. That didn't take too long as he soon found her in an abandoned bar that they had ran through for cover a little earlier. He walked in and joined her at her place at the bar and took a seat.

"Well, other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?" He joked.

That earned him a confused look from Sylvie as she looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"That's something I heard back on Earth." He explained, "Humans use it when a situation turns out to their misfortune."

"Right," she replied, still quite surprised as she poured him a drink as well.

When she finished pouring, she pushed Loki's glass to him and he took it with a half smile. "Thank you." He thanked her and she nodded back.

"To us, then," he stated, holding his glass up. Sylvie snickered at that and clinked the butt of her bottle with his glass and they both took their drinks. However, she actually 'bottoms upped' the bottle and took a few gulps which took a whole half of the bottle within those gulps, almost like superspeed. Seeing this surprised Loki and made him laugh lightly. "Well, you certainly drink like an Asgardian." He joked.

Hearing that, she paused and let out a hearty belch before slamming the bottle down onto the counter, but not too hard to break it.

"I'll take that as a compliment." She replied, giving him a momentary smile before leaning forward on the counter. With that she sighed heavily and shook her head.

Loki noticed all of this and could tell her mood was down. He knew it might not be the best question, but he still wanted to show some form of... compassion to Sylvie. So he went ahead and asked, "Are you alright?"

The blonde lifted her head and look at her counterpart before looking off and shaking her head.

"You know, I honestly don't even know why I'm so upset about it right now." She stated.

Loki furrowed his eyebrows at that. "What do you mean, upset about what?"

"This, Loki! The Ark, trying to get to it in time! I already knew it wasn't going to work, and yet I still ran..."

"We both did. You didn't do it alone. I was there too, remember?"

"Yeah," she hummed, "I suppose that's true."

"And yet you still went along with the idea, my idea mind you, and we both ran and fought together to try and get there."

As much as she hated to admit it, Loki was right. She had done all of that. "Touché." She replied, earning a laugh from them both. Loki's more lively than hers and hers was more suppressed.

Their laughter was cut short when the ground and building shook on account of another meteor impacting in the city outside. The quake lasted only seconds before slowly calming down. As it did, Loki let out a sigh of his own. This truly had been quite a day. First he'd met "The Variant", Sylvie she called herself. And she was quite fetching, formidable too. Just like him...no pun intended. They'd snuck onto a train, shared secrets, thrown from the train and tried to reach a rescue vehicle known as The Ark. Failing miserably in the end. And now, here they were. In a bar, awaiting their fate.

With that thought in mind, Loki's thoughts seemed to drift to him and Sylvie. All that they were able to do when they worked together. They actually worked so in sync, quite the dynamic. In fact, it actually made him...curious. "So why'd you do it?" He asked.

Sylvie looked at him with a side-eyed look. "Do what?"

"Run with me, go with my idea? If you knew the Ark was going to be destroyed regardless, why did you go along with it?"

And right there, Sylvie couldn't speak. Well, not that she "couldn't", but the answer to that was somewhat hard to put into words...for her, that is.

"Oh, I figured a good run would be fun before we die." A sarcastic smile showing as she said that, but Loki wasn't amused. Instead he still sat there with an eyebrow raised, awaiting an answer. Seeing this made Sylvie sigh and reach up to rub the temples on her head. Finally coming to terms with it, she reluctantly spoke it. "I was ready to give up and just about kill you too, to be honest...but, when you said that thing about the Ark never having us on it, it...it made me think...'maybe, just maybe we could do it.'...But it's over now and turned out to be a waste of time."

Hearing Sylvie explain that gave Loki a warm poke to the heart and a bit of pride too. One of his signature devilish smiles made it's way to his face and he gave a light chuckle. Sylvie noticed this and looked at him curiously.

"So you're saying that I...gave you a bit of hope, as it were."

Sylvie rolled her eyes at that but couldn't fight back the smile that came to her face as well. "Oh shut up, you!"

"Oh no, it's quite alright." The God of Mischief said, still holding that smile, "in fact, it's quite flattering to know."

His counterpart laughed and looked at him unbelievingly and shook her head before he gave her a wink.

This made her laugh a little harder at him, as did he With the moment. But their laughter was cut short by another piece hit outside, making the whole pace shake.

This made them both perk up, having almost forgotten what was happening outside. The shaking only lasted about two seconds before it slowly died down.

As it did, the two slowly began to settle back into their spots.

Loki, not wanting to end so...quietly, thought up a way to somewhat ease the tension. "Well, seeing as how we haven't got much longer, is there anything you'd like to say?"

"What're you talking about?"

"You know, like any last words. Maybe of sentiment, regret... confession." He gave a shrug.

Sylvie merely scoffed at that and held her look confusion. "Since when did you become so emotional? If you're anything like me, you ought to know that I don't do teary goodbyes or anything like that."

She had Loki there, that was true. But he also had a hidden ace to toss back. "And if you're anything like me, you know that you don't because those kind of moments make it to where we merely choose not to." When he said that, Sylvie knew she was cornered...so to speak. "Come on, Sylvie. We may not be honest to many others, but can't we at least be honest to each other?...I thought we trusted each other."

It was that last sentence, that last sentence that did it for her. Her breath hitched in her throat and her heart began to beat like a drum. Deep down, Sylvie sadly knew Loki was right. This might be the only chance she'd get to have some last tender words...and be honest about them too. And if there was anyone she could share them with, Loki for sure would not be her first choice. But he was currently all she had at the time so he'd have to do.

Before she could actually reply, the ground vibrated and the building shook as another meteor hit the moon outside. The shockwave from it hit them and shook the place once again before stabilizing soon after.

"Right, well...I didn't get to finish my mission, and now I get to die with a stupid parallel version of myself."

Loki simply closed his eyes and chuckled to himself before opening them again to see Sylvie smiling cheekily at him before wiggling her eyebrows at him as she had done earlier that day on the train.

"Now that wasn't so bad, was it?" He asked.

"No, you're right, it was quite nice." She smirked, her words dripping with sarcasm and tease. "Your turn."

Loki actually took some time to "Well, to be honest, I don't have much to say."

"Well that's a first." She quipped with a smirk.

Loki looked to her, feigning hurt before expanding. "What I mean is, I've only a mere handful of actual good memories, the majority of them were before I grew into my adolescent years."

As he spoke about that, Sylvie listened and her breath hitched a bit. Because that was exactly how it was for her too.

"But, I can say that...well...as far as family goes, my parents were quite... interesting...I do suppose I'll miss them...more or less. And as for Thor, as annoyingly valiant as he may be...he was always trying to look for the good in me...sometimes even at the cost of his own life." Loki thought back to his video file he watched back at the TVA headquarters, when saw and heard Thor say that he believed that there was good in him and that her still stand with him, despite all he'd done in the past, he still would. Tears began to well up in Loki's at that, and it seemed to hit him. He actually missed Thor, he truly did. "I honestly couldn't have asked for a better brother...one I don't even deserve...but I'm glad I had him...yeah."

And that bit right there made Sylvie's heart pinch, and a tear began to form in her eyes. From the sound of it, Loki had had people try to be there for him since Day One. Even when he did bad things, they still showed him loved and mercy, giving him another chance...something she never had.

"Wow," she said out loud, "sounds like you had it all."

Loki shrugged at that and wiped his tears, composing himself. "Well, what about you?" He asked, getting the topic off him, "What about this 'postman' of yours? If he was here right now, what would you say to him?"

"That uh...that was really a joke. I said it to try and shut you up, but that obviously didn't work."

"Ohhh. So then, you don't have anyone waiting for you after all, do you? No family, no lover...not even any friends?"

Sylvie merely gave him a silent shake of the head and began to feel tears forming in her eyes. "When you're on the run from an organization that has control over all time for over twenty years...you doing exactly have much time to stop and make friends."

"So you truly are alone..." It was more of a 'realization' statement than a question, and it was confirmed by the silent nod and saddening look forming I'm her face.

Now, Loki felt a few years coming himself, or at least the need to. Here was a girl who had everything taken from her, lost much in very painful ways, and...who wanted to belong. All of these, seemed to define him currently right now. It was then Loki felt something he hadn't for quite a while...empathy.

"I'm sorry..."

Sylvie lifted her head at that and looked at him. "For what?"

"That your life was broken by the TVA, that I've intruded on your plan...And I am especially sorry that you've been alone, all this time."

Hearing this fro. Loki hit Sylvie like a ton of bricks. These was something she hadn't really heard throughout her years much. They were words of comfort and empathy, she was able to see. But she felt as though there was more.

"And for what is worth, I promise you," Loki continued, reaching for her hand and giving it a firm squeeze, "you won't be alone when this moon is gone...not this time."

Looking into him deeply, Sylvie could see there wasn't one hint of deception within his words. They were all sincere, caring and compassionate. She couldn't help but crack a smile at his words. "Thank you." She tearfully replied, sniffling a little.

Loki gave a short nod and smiled, not letting go of her hand. And she didn't let go of his either, instead holding it tightly herself.

Since the moment was tender and open, Sylvie felt a sense of safety and comfort with her next words. "Listen, Loki, since we're dying soon, I think I should confess something to you. About you, actually."

"Alright, what is it?"

"Back on the train, when you tried to tell me what love is, or how you understood I should say," she tried.

"Yes?"

"Well, your dagger metaphor was actually quite... accurate."

Once again, his smile returned and he had a light chuckle. "Did you just compliment me?"

Sylvie rolled her eyes and chuckled herself. "Don't let it go to your head."

"Oh no, but that's the best part of it! Not letting that go, ever."

"Well since we're confessing something, I guess I can share this." The God of Mischief let out a breath before continuing, "I do feel bad that there isn't anyone waiting for you... because if they were, they would have...quite the enchantress to expect. And I mean that in every sense of the word."

A twinkle in her eyes as Sylvie took in those words and felt her cheeks hear up. "That may be the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Well I'm honored to be the first." Loki smiled and took a dramatic bow, earning a other laugh from Sylvie.

Suddenly, another ground shake came, this one more severe than the last. And then more kept coming simultaneously. From this the two Variants could tell, the moon's end was among them.

"It seems as though our time is up."

"Yep," Sylvie agreed.

"Not exactly how I pictured dying this time, but, looks like there's no escaping this one."

Suddenly, an idea popped into Sylvie's head. "What if there was?" She asked Loki.

"What?"

Sylvie held up one of her hands and tapped her temple, referring to her power of enchantment, "If you let me in, I could use it to send you to a place within your memories and you won't feel it when the pain comes. It'll be just like a light turning off and turning a room dark...A peaceful ending."

While the idea did sound quite an appealing alternative to what was coming from outside, there was still one thing that worried him. "Well what about you?"

At that, a soft smile came to Sylvie as she heard the worry in Loki's voice. "It's ok, I'll be alright."

"No!" Loki retorted, determination in his eyes. "I will not let you send me off to some mental paradise while you stay here and endure this death alone! No, I made a promise that when you died, you would not do it alone. That I would be RIGHT HERE to suffer through it with you, and by Odin, I'm sticking to it!"

Like a hunter after prey, Loki was determined to stick with Sylvie. Now truthfully, she could've put him into his trance as he was ranting to her. Yet, she was mesmerized by the loyalty and compassion that Loki displayed in this very moment. Dare she say, she actually found it...attractive.

"Well what do you propose we do then?" She asked sweetly.

Almost instantly, Loki thought of an idea. "We could both could go. We could send each other into my memory and ride it out together."

From this a light smile came to her lips and a tear escaped from her eyes. Yet again this " idiot" she'd grown fond of thought up a way for them both still to work together and still have a peaceful ending. However, there was also one more sad factor that was left out. "But you don't know how to do it."

"Teach me, right now. Crash course lesson."

A look of hesitation appear in her eyes, but another squeeze from Loki's hand seems to break the ice as she let out a sigh and gave a short nod. "All right. First thing, go into your mind and think about a place you've been that you want to go. Once you find it, hold it there."

With those instructions, Loki them closed his eyes and began to think of a place. It took a moment and his thoughts surprised even him, but he finally found one and held on to it. "Ok, I've got it."

"Got it? Ok, now," Sylvie brought her hand up and positioned it as though she was getting ready for an arm wrestle. Fortunately, Loki knew what this meant and met her halfway, locking his hand with hers. "for this part, you need to clear your mind. Clear it out and focus on my voice. You should be able to see into my mind now...can you see me...can you?"

Loki searched and searched through the darkness, at first nothing. But what he found that helped was focusing on the sound of Sylvie's voice. He listened to it and it echoed throughout his brain. Focusing on it seems to make everything thing else around them slip away. Suddenly, a green spark of power emanated from his fingers and against her temple. He could feel her there and mentally moved towards her. The more he did, the brighter a small light which represented her presence seemed to shine until it shined purely within the darkness. He'd found her, he'd done it!

Eyes still closed, he smiled happily as he nodded. "I did it, I found you!"

Sylvie smiled at this and shed another tear of joy. It was working! She could feel him within her mind and he her too. "Good job! Now think back to that place you want to be...And take us there."

Finally, Loki focused on the place in his mind and also Sylvie, bringing her with him. Aaaaannnd...

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It seemed to happen almost like a flash, but when the two opened their eyes and looked to see where they were, they could see that they weren't in the bar on Lamentis-1 anymore. Well, at least not physically.

They were now on a cliff that was somewhat familiar to Loki. He learned of it at the TVA when he watched his file on video. And now, here it was. A mental reality for him and Sylvie.

At first glance, Sylvie could tell they were in the countryside of some area. But curiosity still plagued her.

"Where did you bring us?" She asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Looking out to the open sea before them, Loki began to feel tears form once again. "...This is where my father died."

Sylvie's head swiveled to look up at Loki, her eyes wide with surprise after hearing his words. "What?" She breathlessly asked.

Loki silently nodded, letting out a heavy sigh through his nostrils. "I saw this place in my file at the TVA...It's actually from my...well, what would've been my future."

Sylvie's heart began to ache for Loki. He truly had, in a way, come full circle, and yet it was still fraught with pain.

"I'm so sorry, Loki."

"It's ok. I'm sure my father was peaceful here when he died...He told me and Thor to remember this place...home."

"And you did," Sylvie lovingly commended Loki, looking him straight in his eyes, "and for the next few minutes or however long we have, it's our home now." She hugged him from the side to which he tearfully smiled and immediately hugged her back.

As he did, he thought about her previous words. Those were truly sincere and, well, loving. And he loved it. Opening his eyes to look at her, he noticed how close his face was to the top of her head which was buried in his chest. Feeling a sense of boldness, he lowered his nose into her hair and took in a good whiff of her scent. This did not go unnoticed by the woman as she perked her head up and eyed Loki with a teasing look.

"Were you just sniffing my hair?" She asked, already knowing the answer, but she still wanted to hear what he'd say.

Loki tried to play it off, but failed miserably. "No." His crooked smile was almost a dead giveaway.

Sylvie lifted an eyebrow with an "Oh really?" look before looking at his chest where his heart would be and smirked, she could feel his heart beginning to speed up. "Liar. Your body betrays you."

I'm that moment, Loki chuckled nervously and began to blush. Something that didn't really happen to him very often, if at all. "Can you blame me?"

Back in the real world, the two variants, while still in their deep-minded states, shifted their hands to interlock their fingers, strengthening their bond.

A small burst of green energy flashing their interlocked hands.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

***Cliff, Loki's Subconscious***

Loki and Sylvie were still locked in their embrace until they say down on the huge boulder, still holding hands and looking out onto the open sea.

"It's beautiful, " the blonde variant stated, smiling at the water that reached all the way to the horizon.

"Right, beautiful," Loki agreed. But Sylvie felt that they weren't talking about the same thing. Turning her vision to him, she saw him staring at her instead of the horizon. He obviously found this view far more beautiful than the nature about them.

This caused to Sylvie to smile shyly before blushing herself. She lowered her to hide the red coming in her cheeks, but it was brought back up by Loki who had a finger under her chin. The feeling giving the blonde a warm feeling in her face and all over, while it gave Loki another small burst of courage.

Taking the hand already under her chin, he moved it to cup the back of her neck and slowly lean forward. To his surprise, Sylvie followed suit and leaned in as well. They kept nearing until they were just a lips distance away from each other.

"Loki?"

"Yes, Sylvie?"

"Thank you for not leaving me alone."

"Never."

With one final smile thanks to that, it was Sylvie who leaned the rest of the way in and brought her lips to his, cupping his cheek as she closed the small gap between them. Once their lips collided, Loki felt a strong wind blow, as did Sylvie. But this was the good kind, the kind that came when your heart is bursting with excitement.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

***Reality***

The green swirls that surrounded the two grew stronger and shined brightly as the meteors outside came hurtling down, cracking the ground and taking out multiple buildings in the process. The moon had only seconds left.

Everyone outside had either sought shelter or ran frantically to avoid the incoming shower from above. But in this building, these two, Loki and Sylvie were oblivious to the forthcoming horrors of the outside world. For they were happy within their own little sanctuary, content with each other.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

***Loki's Subconscious***

After what seemed like a glorious eternity, the two variants finally broke their kiss and came up for air. They breathed heavily and leaned their foreheads against each other and looked into one another's eyes, breathless smiled coming with them.

And though they wanted to continue, they resisted the urge and kept their eyes looked on each other and decided this was how they wanted to end. Looking into one another's eyes, the eyes of the one they had...the one they had fallen in love with.

"This is it." Loki stated.

"I guess so," Sylvie agreed.

The two took the other's hands and held tightly. Their end close at hand.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

***Reality***

A huge junk of the cracking planet was now hurtling toward the moon, and it's landing point would be RIGHT in the city of Lamentis-1. None of the people within a mile of there would survive, more specifically, Loki and Sylvie, who were still in their enchanted state, would not survive.

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***Bar***

Suddenly, a golden time portal opened up within the bar and Hunter B-15 and two other Minutemen came through and Saw the two variants they had searched relentlessly for.

"Get them!" She ordered.

The Minutemen complied and marched over to the bar and grabbed Loki and Sylvie, pulling them apart.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

***Cliff, Loki's Subconscious***

Loki and Sylvie awaited their fate, hands together and foreheads connected. With eyes locked in each other until...

Everything went dark.

#Loki #Sylvie #loki x sylvie #Sylki #MCU #tom hiddelson #Sophia Di Martino

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shewillreadyou · 3 years

Text

Becoming: Chapter 11- A woman’s worth

As always. I hope that you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing.

A/N: Will Karis break under Madeleine’s pressure?

Disclaimers: All characters are property of Pixelberry

Warnings: Language, sexual content, tw character death

Catch up: Becoming

Word Count:2638

Pairings: Liam x MC (Karis Vasquez

Song inspiration: A woman’s worth- Alicia Keys

Be Kind: Hit the heart button, leave a comment or reblog. It makes a writer so so happy.

“Excuse me, may I have this dance?”

“Raymond, wow of course, well if it’s okay with you Liam?”

Liam smiles but it does not reach his eyes.

“Of course. I’ll catch up with you soon,” he says as he heads towards Rashad.

On the dance floor

“Karis, you look…damn.”

She blushes furiously but her blush quickly fades.

“Raymond, you look great too. But what are you doing here?”

Raymond looks around to see who is within earshot. He pulls her close and speaks in a low voice in her ear as Liam eyes him from across the room.

“Are you ok? Just squeeze me if you are not. I got a phone call from some chick named–”

“Let me guess, Madeleine?”

“Yeah, she wants you out of the way. She asked me what was going on between the two of us. I told her that we were colleagues. She insisted that I come here tonight as her plus one and talk you into going back with me. I was about to hang up the phone on her when I realized that you might be in danger.”

“Really? You are just as bad as Liam? You flew here to save me? Well thank you but I’m fine, really.”

“Kar, these people don’t want you here. They were willing to fly me here, on the off chance that I could talk you into leaving. Is this really the life that you want? Come back to Paris with me. You can finish school, go to law school and come work at the firm. You don’t have to have drama for the sake of love. Come back with me tomorrow, I can’t offer you a palace but once your internship is up my flat is yours.”

“Raymond, you’re sweet. Clueless but sweet. I don’t care about living in a palace, or whether Madeleine wants me here or if my relationship looks like drama to you. All I want, all I ever wanted was Liam. So, I’m sorry you wasted your time coming here, but if you would do me a favor, go tell Maddie, that she can go to hell.”

At the head table

Liam approaches Rashad with fire in his eyes. “I want answers. Why is he here?”

“Why is who here, Li?”

“Raymond Perry!”

“You mean Madeleine’s plus one? I have no idea? Do you know him?”

“Yeah, we’ve met. He’s Karis’ co worker.”

“Wait, he’s that Raymond? And you let him dance with her?”

“Yes, because I didn’t want to cause a scene and I trust her.”

Karis saunters up to Liam, her expression is unreadable.

“Rashad, Russell, thank you both so much for your hospitality. This has all been lovely. I look forward to seeing you both soon. Liam, a word?” she said calmly.

“Sure angel.”

“Can we go now? I can not be sure I won’t embarrass you if I run into Madeleine.”

“Absolutely. I’ll say a few goodbye’s.” He makes the rounds and instructs his guard to escort Karis to the car.”

While she is waiting for Adonis, the door to the car opens and Madeleine gets in and closes the door.

“Madeleine.” Karis never even looks at her.

“You know Karis, I have tried being nice to you. I even flew your little boyfriend here to talk some sense into you to no avail. There is no reasoning with you. What would Liam think if his little miss perfect was caught in a compromising position with her boyfriend?”

“Oh, you think i’m perfect? Liam knows better. Besides, I have never been in a compromising position with Raymond or anyone else for that matter. And you know Madeleine, I could say the same for you. You are impossible. No wonder Leo left you for some random girl he met on a cruise. You want Liam?” She turned to stare at her with an icy gaze.

“Take him from me.”

Just then there is a knock on the window. Madeleine opened the door to find a livid Olivia standing in the breezy night.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing Maddie? Liam is going to flip his shit. Is this what you think is going to win him over? What did you do, threaten her? Give it up. She isn’t afraid of you?”

She pulls Madeleine out of the car by her arm and the two of them head back into the estate arguing quietly. Moments later Liam joins her and they head back to his apartment. The moment the car starts to move Liam reaches for her hand and she begins to sob uncontrollably.

“Whoa, Karis. What’s this about?” He slid closer to her on the seat and wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed on his chest.

She was so overwhelmed with emotion she could not get out a coherent sentence. When they arrived a short time later at his apartment, he held her close carrying a great deal of her body weight as they entered the elevator. When they made it inside, he helped her settle on the couch and got her a box of tissues and a glass of water.

He sat next to her rubbing soothing circles on her back. When she was finally calm enough to speak, she took several cleansing breaths and turned to Liam.

“I didn’t come to Cordonia to be arrested for murder. Keep Madeleine away from me Adonis.”

“What did she do? Is this about Raymond?”

“No, it’s about you. It’s about the crown. She is relentless. Raymond was just a pawn. She doesn’t have an issue with me, outside of I am in her way. She sent for him thinking that he could talk me into leaving tonight with him and when that didn’t work, she threatened to blackmail me.”

Liam’s mouth falls open, he wipes her tears.

“I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I will handle it. Promise.”

He kissed her lips sweetly and they settled into a comfortable silence.

“So, it’s still early. What else did you have planned for tonight?”

“It’s funny that you asked. I’ll be right back.”

Liam disappears onto the terrace and is gone a few minutes before he comes strolling casually back into the living area with a devilish smirk on his face.

“What are you up to?”

“Oh, nothing dear.”

“You’re lying, but ok. Have you checked on your Dad today?”

“Yes, he is stable. But they still aren’t releasing him.”

“I was thinking we should get up early tomorrow and go see him. Maybe take him a decent cup of coffee and a heart healthy breakfast.”

Liam stares off in the distance, lost in thought.

“You have to forgive him, you know.”

“Huh?” Her words snatch him from his reverie.

“Not for him. For you.”

He nodded his head, still not focused on her.

“Earth to Adonis!”

“I’m here. I’ve never had anyone I’ve wanted so badly to please.”

“Most people want to please their parents.”

“Not him.” he finally focuses, looking at her with adoration.

She looks confused.

“You.”

“Me?” she looks puzzled.

“Yes, you. Have I told you how incredible you are today?”

“Nah, but i’m listening.”

“After the day you’ve had, you’re still thinking about me.”

“Of course I am.”

“You are discerning, and sincere, and quick-witted, and courageous, and diligent, and capable,” he dotes on her as he peppers her neck with kisses. She squeals with a smile from ear to ear.

He picks her up, throwing her over his shoulder and smacks her ass.

“Where are we going?” she giggles.

“You’ll see. Patience my queen.”

When they stopped out on the terrace he sat her down they were met with a large hot tub with candles lit all around.

“Did you do this for me?”

“Yeah, I did. I wanted it to be romantic. Is it cheesy?”

“No, it’s sweet. But aren’t we a little over dressed?”

Before she could get the words out he had shrugged out of his suit coat and was reaching for the zipper of her dress. When it pooled at her ankles she stepped out of it and he held her hand helping her into the steamy water of the hot tub.

“OMG, it’s amazing!”

He looks at her and slowly takes his clothes off piece by piece until he is standing in only his boxer briefs.

“You know, It’s not nice to tease, your majesty.”

He joins her in the water and shivers as his body adjusted to the temperature. He sat on one of the underwater benches and pulled her on to his lap. She straddled him and he gazed into her eyes for what felt like an eternity. She poured them both a glass of champagne.

“What?”

“I was just thinking…What does love mean to you, Karis?”

“Love is…sacrifice, dedication, loyalty, compromising, and commitment.

“All important to making a relationship work.”

“What does it mean to you?”

“You know it’s funny. I never even gave it any real thought before I met you. I certainly wasn’t raised to have any expectation of romance in my life.”

“That’s funny coming from you. You are incredibly romantic.”

“You think so?”

“I do. Now, answer my question.”

“Hmm, love is patient, honest, kind, protecting, giving, thoughtful and trusting. I have never known love in this sense until I met you. I knew that I loved you the morning I left your apartment back in New York for the airport.”

“Really? Day one?”

“Absolutely. You didn’t feel it?”

“I clearly felt a strong connection. I don’t think it was love. But it was something. That’s probably why I was so hurt.”

“When I found out what Madeleine did, I knew that her character was not one of a queen. Leo tried to warn me to keep an eye on her. Let me ask you this, when did you know?”

“I knew the moment I smelled your cologne in Paris. It was like every bit of logic went out the window. My emotions came storming back in, like a flood. I was hurt. But longed for you, I craved you, I missed you.”

She tried to blink away the tears but, alas it was in vain.

‘No, no crying right now. We are being romantic.”

She smiled.

“That’s what I want to see. Let’s talk about something else. I know we briefly talked about it and you said that you wanted kids and I know my father mentioned it, but… How many kids do you think you want?” he asked as he sipped his champagne.

She takes a moment to consider her answer.

“I dunno, maybe 7 or 8,” she said casually.

He spit out his champagne.

“How many kids?”

She smirked. “Your father did say that heirs equal stability.

“Clearly you intend to be very stable.”

She takes his glass from his hand, and places both glasses carefully on the side of the hot tub. She turned to him and clasped her hands behind his neck.

“I don’t have a set number of children I want. I will be happy with whatever number of children we have.”

He breathed a sigh of relief and she kissed him sweetly.

“Does it freak you out at all that this time next year we could be married and expecting our first child?”

“Only slightly. Definitely not as much as I expected it to freak me out.”

He kisses her again. This time it was urgent and deep. His hands traced her curves and found the clasp to her bra. It plopped into the water and floated at the top as his mouth moved openly down her pulse line. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

His tongue teased her collarbone before he took her perky breast into his mouth. His tongue flicked her nipple while his hand gently massaged the other. The water lapped around them as she grinded on his lap. He lifted his hips and slid his boxers off freeing his hardened length. She took him in her hand stroking him as he groaned in pleasure.

He lifted her by the waist to stand on the bench. He pulled her black lace thong to the side as his mouth found her center. Her knees buckled and his strong arm circled her waist pulling her closer and supporting her at the same time. “Je veux seulement te plaire.”

“Adonis!” she screamed his name as she rubbed his bald head. When she was starting to come undone he pulled away with a smirk.

“You are teasing me again,” she said slightly shivering.

He pulled her back down into the warm water and wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m not teasing. I need to be inside of you,” he says as she straddles him again.

She reaches for him guiding him to her entrance. She took in a sharp breath as she stretched around him. Her eyes widened at the sensation.

“Go slow. We have all night.”

“Like I have a choice.”

“God, you feel incredible. It’s so tight.”

“You feel large.”

“Sorry.” He grinned sheepishly.

“Don’t be,” she said as she picked up the pace.

He lifted his hips, winding them slowly at first, then rolling them thrusting harder.

“Am I hurting you?”

“No.”

“Well, stop running from this dick.”

“Oh my god. Adonis, I can’t!” she moaned.

“Yes you can. Take it,” he said as he began thrusting like a jack hammer.

She wrapped her arms around him tightly and began contracting around him as she plunged up and down on his length.

“I’m, I’m soooo close. Give me every inch of you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, please love.”

“If you insist..”

Her once straight hair was now dark and curly from the way the water was splashing, just how he liked it.

He tangled his hands in her dark wet curls exposing her neck. He didn’t know if it was the way the moon was glowing against her caramel skin or the way the water beaded up as she bobbed up and down out of the water, but he couldn’t have been more turned on. He thrusted into her completely filling her. Her eyes went wide.

“Take it. Take this dick.”

She was sure she felt it in her stomach. After a few more powerful thrusts they fell over the edge together. He carried her bridal style to bed where slumber found them both quickly.

The next morning they arose early to visit with Constantine before they got their day started. Karis had made breakfast and snuck it into Constantine, in her purse. She also had a canteen full of his favorite dark roast coffee.

“She is thoughtful, smart, beautiful, fearless and can cook. Keep this one Liam.”

“That’s the plan, father.”

“Thank you, sir. You flatter me. Adonis, I’m going to give you two sometime alone.”

A few moments later, Liam joins her in the waiting area where she is chatting with Kenyon, the guard charged with looking after her while she was visiting.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, nurse Emily is in with him. I told him I would come back when she was done. Karis, what do I say to him?” he asked, his eyes threatening to spill tears he had been holding a lifetime.

“Keep it simple. Tell him that you love him. That you forgive him and that you hope that you have made him proud. Remember, this is for you.”

She gives him a hug and whispers, “I’m so proud of you,” in his ear as she squeezes him tight, before he heads back in to chat with his father.

About thirty minutes later, Karis was sitting checking social media when there was an announcement on the intercom.

Tagging:

@txemrn

@pixie88

@khoicesbyk

@blackkingliamstan

@mom2000aggie

@shannonwrote

@shanzay44

@bbrandy2002

@hopelessromanticmonie

@fanjessfic

@dcbbw

@lucy-268

@choiceslady

@twinkleallnight

@blackkingliamstan

@bebepac

@shanzay44

@mainstreetreader

@romereadingshop

@romewritingshop

@lem-20

@texaskitten30

@maurine07

@queenjilian

@secretaryunpaid

#trr #trr au fanfic #choices fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #fandom #king liam #adonis x karis #Meet Karis #king of cordonia #the royal romance #shewillreadyou #kim reads #kim writes #kim reblogs #follow shewillreadyou

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shawnsassymendes · 5 years

Text

Father’s Day

synopsis: father’s day was always hard for you and your daughter, until Shawn came along.

wc: 1.8k

{Masterlist in Bio}

____________________

Your heart dropped more and more every time your daughter had to explain why her dad wasn’t here to her fellow camp mates.

It was Father’s Day and your daughter’s summer camp was holding a little event where fathers could come and spend the day with the kids. It wasn’t really a camp since it was in the city and she came home every night, but camp nonetheless. There were a few moms here and there, but they weren’t alone like you were.

Evangeline’s father had left before he even knew you were pregnant. When you told him, he insisted it wasn’t his but you knew it was. You managed to take him to court for the child support, but that was the last interaction you had with him. He didn’t even want visitation rights or anything. Didn’t even come to see her when she was born.

“Angel, baby. Come here for a second.” You called to your daughter. She skipped over and saw your knees bouncing, something you did without noticing.

“Hey, Mama.” She slyly placed a sturdy hand on your knee to stop the nervous tick.

You smiled softly at her and nodded towards the door. “You wanna leave this place? Have a girl’s day, just you and me.”

“If you want to, but I don’t mind staying.” Evangeline spoke quietly, playing with the rings on your fingers.

“You sure? You’re ok, being here with everyone?” Your hand came up to hold the side of her face, thumb wiping at her cheeks.

“I don’t really care. Not everyone here has a dad, you know. Eddy has two moms. And so does Lizzie. And I got you, so it doesn’t matter. But if you wanna leave, we can leave.” You hoped the empathy your daughter had came from you, because it was the only thing keeping you strong.

“Another half hour and then we can go get ice cream.” Your daughter nodded and gave you a sloppy kiss on the cheek before running off again.

You made small talk with the other parents in the mean while. Everyone kept asking where the man of the hour was. You were keeping count of how many times they sent you sympathetic looks with a pat to the shoulder after you answered them.

You didn’t really care for him. That’s not why you were emotional today. Days like this one made you feel like an inadequate parent. Like you needed a partner to raise your daughter. You were raising her in the best way possible for your circumstances. But you saw the way she looked at her friends with their fathers. You knew she wanted someone like that in her life.

That’s when your mind went to Shawn. Shawn was more than your boyfriend at this point. You hadn’t discussed that yet, but you knew there was something special there. And the way he was with Angel was something else. He was the closest thing your daughter had to a father and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Shawn had been a childhood friend. You were never close, but he fell in love with your daughter when you bumped into him at the grocery store a year ago.

__________

Shawn was looking through the boxes of cereal when he saw a little girl squeeze her way in front of him. She did say sorry, he’d give her that. She began to jump to try to reach for the box of Cap’n Crunch that was eye level with Shawn.

“Excuse me, Mister?” She looked up at him, doe eyes and all. “Can you please help me get the peanut butter Cap’n Crunch?”

“Sure, honey.” Shawn grabbed the box and bent down to give it to her. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Evangeline. You’re Shawn Mendes, aren’t you?” She smiled and put her finger to his chest.

Shawn’s grin grew even bigger when she said his name. He forgot people could be this tiny and know who he was. “I sure am. Where’s your mom, Evangeline?”

Evangeline looked to the side at the aisle in front of them. When she saw it vacant, her eyes grew wide and her nose began turning red. “She was- She was right there. She musta gone- I have to go find her.” She exclaimed, turning to run off. She had barely moved before Shawn held her little hand in his.

“You shouldn’t run off alone, honey. Come on, I’ll help you find her.”

Shawn put her on his shoulders and let her lead the way. After a few minutes of walking around, she told Shawn that she had found her. She pointed you out and Shawn put her down. She ran towards you and you had never felt more relieved.

“Angel, never do that ever again! You scared me half to death!” You wiped away the tears that were running down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Mama. I thought- I thought I could go get it and come back super quick.” She said and brought up the box of cereal in her hand. You took it from her and put it on the floor beside you.

“Next time, you tell me what you want and we go together. Okay, baby?” You scooped her up in your arms and stood back up.

“Okay, Mama.” She pulled your head towards her and whispered in your ear. “Mama, we have to say thank you to Shawn Mendes. He helped me find you.”

“Shawn Mendes?” You looked up and saw a giant man with a familiar face.

“y/n?” Shawn asked as soon as your face became clearer. “Oh my god, is this your daughter?”

“Uh yeah, this is my daughter Evangeline. But I see you two have already met.” you chuckled. “Shawn Mendes. I don’t think I’ve seen you since-”

“Since high school graduation.” He finished your sentence and nodded.

“Yeah, but I’ve been seeing you all over. Billboards, radio, tv, everything. You’ve been a busy man.” You smiled, putting Evangeline on your hip properly.

“I have, I have. It’s been crazy. And you- you have a daughter! That’s amazing! How old is she?”

“How old are you, Angel?” You asked your daughter.

She promptly held up five fingers. “I just turned five!”

“Five! You’re so grown up!” Shawn replied, playing along. “Angel’s an adorable nickname.” He mentioned as he looked back at you.

“Yeah, it’s in her name. And she’s my angel, you know. She saved me.” Evangeline smiled and gave you a big smooch on your cheek, eliciting laughs from you and Shawn. “Well, we gotta get going. It’s been nice bumping into you, Shawn.” You said after a beat of silence

“Yeah, you too. I hope to see you two around.”

You found yourself bumping into Shawn at the grocery store more often after that. He would never admit this to you but he was going to the store every day after he knew you went to the same one, hoping to see you again.

__________

You were pulled out of your little flashback when the parents around you turned to the door and gasped. You looked up and saw Shawn at the door. His eyes scanned the crowd before they fell on you and a smile bloomed on his face.

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” He said, pulling you into a hug.

“Shawn, what the hell are you doing here?! You’re supposed to be in Alberta!” You whispered into his shoulder.

“Thought I’d drop by really quick for Evie’s summer camp thing.”

You should have known not to voice your insecurities about this day to Shawn because he always does this. Swoops in and saves the day when his schedule was already jam packed.

“Andrew’s going to murder you.” You mumbled as you melted into his embrace.

“He’s waiting outside. We’re getting on the next plane out of here to Edmonton as soon as this is done.” He nodded to the window where you saw Andrew leaning against a large black car.

“When’s your flight back?” You asked, looking back up at him to make eye contact.

“Our flight back is in five hours. That’s enough time for you to pack a bag for the week, right?”

Before you could answer, Angel let out a squeal as she ran towards you and Shawn.

“Shawnie!” She exclaimed. “You’re here!” Shawn grabbed her and pulled her into a bear hug and spun her around. Her giggles brought a much needed smile on your face.

“I missed you so much, I just had to fly back to come and see you.” Shawn told her.

You felt the beady eyes of all the parents on you and Shawn as the whispers flooded your ears.

“Shawn Mendes is the dad?”

“No, he’s just her mom’s sugar daddy.”

“Wow, he really went for a single mom?”

“Mama, we have to go!” Evangeline exclaimed, climbing Shawn’s torso to sit on top of his shoulders.

“What, baby?” You snapped back into reality. “Go where?”

“Go with Daddy. To Edmaton.” She pleaded, puppy dog eyes on full display.

“It’s Edmonton, Angel.” Shawn chuckled, holding on to her feet to stabilize her.

“You wanna go to Edmonton, baby?” You asked, receiving a vigorous nod on her end. “Guess we’re going then.”

You wrapped up at the summer camp and started heading out. Evie was saying goodbye to her friends when it hit you. “Shawn.”

“Yeah?”

“She just called you daddy.” You looked over at Shawn to see the blood drained from his face.

“What?”

“Evangeline just called you daddy. Back there. She said we have to go to Edmonton with daddy.”

“She called me daddy.” He replied in a breathless whisper. “Oh my god, she called me daddy! y/n, she called me daddy!” He turned to you and pulled you closer to him.

“You're okay with her calling you daddy?” You asked, placing your hands on his chest, confused by his reaction.

“Only if it’s ok with you.” You felt the warmth in your chest spread. He was prioritising your feelings over his own and it made you fall even deeper in love with this man.

“Of course, love. You’re the best person to be that for her. I wouldn’t want it any other way.” You felt your eyes well up with tears.

“Hey, don’t cry on me. Then I’m gonna start crying.” Shawn chuckled, wiping away your tears.

“I’m sorry, I don’t even know why I’m crying.” You laughed, voice thick with emotion.

“Mama, you ready to go?” Your daughter said as she walked up to you. As soon as she saw your face, she gasped. “Why are you crying? What happened?”

“It’s ok, Angel. Happy tears, not sad ones.” You said as you bent down to be on her level.

She looked quizzically at you and Shawn. “You sure?”

“I’m sure, Evie. Come on, we gotta go home and pack our bags.” You reminded her.

Her face lit up at that. “We’re going to Edmaton!”

“It’s Edmonton, baby.” Shawn said again, picking her up to buckle her into her carseat.

“That’s what I said, Daddy.”

____________________

thankyou for reading, my loves. im sorry this was so crappy but i was hit with inspiration and thats a rarity for me lol. ik father’s day was like a while ago but whatever oopsie daisy. anyways feedback is greatly appreciated as always.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes writing #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes x you #shawn mendes x y/n #shawn mendes oneshot #fluff #writing #fanficti #shawn peter raul mendes

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wongxiexie · 5 years

Text

Discard

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x Reader Genre: Angst Word Count: 2.003 words Warnings: Just a very brief mention of sex Note: The photo’s from EXO’s website.

His touch burns you.

The spot where he grips your wrist hurts not because of the pain from his tight hold, but from the mere contact of his skin on yours. The hands that used to bring you sparks and fireworks bring you now only pain and uncertainty, insecurity and dejection.

Once, there was a time when just a mention of his name sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach -- after all, Byun Baekhyun was that - giddiness, excitement, butterflies and rollercoasters. It used to be a good kind of nervous whenever you were around him, but now? Now you only know fright about what things you will need to question again because of his actions.

Is it your fault? Do you assume things? Are you needy? Are you unbearably clingy? Do you embarrass him? Are you together? Is he just being nice? Do you make his actions out to be something that they’re not?

If you start listing all your questions down, you will confidently bet your apartment, car, degree and life that you won’t be able to finish writing them within a day. Each question just elicits even more questions when you try to answer them and instead of reaching proper conclusions, you always end up with even worse uncertainty than before.

You were raised in a wonderful environment and you grew up knowing your own worth while still maintaining what you think is proper humility, but the years you spent fostering that right mindset all came crumbling down the instant he decided to play with you and your feelings.

… but wait, is he leading you on? Or did you just assume?

There go the questions again.

The sound of the party is becoming more and more like white noise the farther Baekhyun drags you away from the house. You want to stop and just scream at him in frustration but admittedly, there is a part of you that is a tiny bit hopeful about this concern he seems to be expressing.

When you are about two blocks away from the alcohol and music, he halts and you almost bump into him with how sudden he stopped walking, but luckily you get your wits enough at just the right time.

You want to talk, you really do. There are so many things you want to say to him and even more things you want to ask him about but you remain silent. It’s rare for him to pull you for a private talk when there are people around, so you don’t want to scare him away with what is sure to be a nonstop barrage of queries about where you stand with him.

You just want confirmation and affirmation, is that so difficult to give?

He turns towards you and you are surprised to see the frustration that is apparent on his face. Lithe fingers run through his hair as he paces in front of you, seemingly deep in thought about how to formulate what he wants to say.

“You…” he starts, breathless and shaking his head in disbelief. He stops walking and looks at your eyes. “Just what do you think were you doing with Chanyeol?”

A gasp escapes you and you bite you lower lip to physically prevent yourself from yelling at him.

“Me?” you say with a scoff. “What did I do with Chanyeol, huh, Baekhyun?”

You raise your brows at him, challenging him to say out loud whatever stupid thing he thinks will justifiably warrant his anger.

“You were--” he gestures his hands around, clearly irritated about the whole ordeal. His brows are furrowed and his lips look almost curled to a sneer. Heaving a disbelieving sigh, he scoffs back. “He was all over you! You were practically fucking each other back there in front of all those people!”

“We were just dancing--”

“What, you’re so desperate for a fuck that you’d just whore yourself out to any guy that--”

He feels it before he can register what you did. Next thing he knows, his head is forced to the side as his left cheek throbs in pain.

You had just slapped him, he realizes belatedly, and when he looks at you, you swear you can see that he almost wants to take his words back… Almost, because Byun Baekhyun would rather swallow glass shards than admit that he is wrong.

Hands balled into tight fists and eyes flickering in an effort to prevent tears from spilling, you are the epitome of hurt, betrayed, and belittled. Even with your attempt to not cry, a couple of stubborn tears cascade down your cheeks as you stare him down.

As much as you don’t want to admit it, in the back of your mind and in the depths of your heart, perhaps you’ve always known that he doesn’t really care much about you. But for him to actually voice out how little he thinks of you? The jealousy he’s showing might say otherwise, but you know that he’s angry solely because you embarrassed his reputation the moment you decided to go near another guy.

To an outsider, the scene might look like one straight out of a romantic movie. The two of you stand near and facing each other with the yellow glow of the lights casting a gentle glow over your forms, the moon high above and the people far away enough to leave the conversation a hushed secret only known to the two of you.

And how you wish that is true, but the fact remains that it isn’t now, and won’t be any time in the near foreseeable future.

Sniffling, you inhale deeply to try and stabilize your breathing but it seems like you aren’t having any luck with that. You open your mouth to speak but all that comes out is a soundless form of his name.

You sniffle again and meet his gaze with your own, “I don’t need to explain myself to you, but if you must know, I was only dancing with Chanyeol, who’s a really good friend by the way,” you wipe your eyes with both hands and continue, “We weren’t doing that you thought we were doing… or what you were actually doing with that girl you’re with earlier.”

Baekhyun scoffs. “That was no one. She was clinging to me the whole night so I indulged her a bit.”

“Yeah?” you say as you let out a humorless chuckle. “Indulged her a bit? As in kiss her, tell her things that would make her feel special and have sex with her as if you’re actually making love to her?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you so hung up about this anyway when you were about to do the same thing to one of my friends!”

The annoyance is clear on his face and it takes almost all of your self-restraint not to give into the urge to pull your hair in frustration.

“I told you, Chanyeol and I were just dancing!” you scream at him. “And why are you even jealous when last time I checked, we were never together, right?”

That makes him stop. You gulp and lock eyes with him, deciding to bare your emotions at last. If it’s going to end, whatever it is, you want to end it yourself and in your terms.

“When it’s just the two of us, you turn into the sweetest person,” you say with a pained smile, “It almost makes me believe like you actually feel something for me…”

“...but you never tell me anything. Whenever I try to ask you what we are, for some reason, you always evade the question.” You wipe the stray tears that drip from your eyes. “And then you go around hooking up with other women… and you don’t even try to hide or deny it…”

Closing the distance towards him, you approach him and take his hands gently in yours. “I knew how you treated women and yet I still thought I can have a relationship with you. Or is it even a relationship? I don’t know, since we never once talked about it… and I know you’re mad because you want to keep me to yourself, not because you like me, but because you’re not done playing with me yet.”

When you look at his face, your heart breaks even more upon seeing the clear discomfort painted on the features you loved so much. Seeing his desire to just flee the situation makes you want to do the same, but you decide that you need to let him know how you feel… not for his sake because who knows if he even cares, but for yours, so you can get the pain and negative emotions out of your system. You need to break it off so you can move on from him, so you can completely free yourself from him no matter how even just the thought of it already hurts.

“I won’t fool myself anymore, Baek, so just… goodbye.”

You turn around and walk away knowing full well that he won’t follow you or even try to make things right because no matter how hurtful, the truth remains that he never once cared about you, only about the idea of having one more spare notch on his belt that he can add to his brag count and play with when he gets bored.

That, you figure, is where you've done wrong.

You believed him - everything he said and everything he did, you put to heart. He always made you agree with him without being the first to suggest an arrangement. Somehow, he had the ability to make you be the one to say that you should meet up, to say that you missed him.

He made it so that you would be the first to suggest everything, but he did it in a way where you wouldn’t notice because of the excitement he gave you with his words and actions.

Manipulative. That’s what he is.

Baekhyun made you chase after him and you never suspected a thing for he was always so sweet, so thoughtful, so attentive. He was everything you wanted and more, but he made sure to always be like that with others so when the time comes when you’ll demand an explanation, it would be so easy for him to deny anything because after all, he’s like that with everyone.

But he also never said anything about a relationship. Never confirmed nor denied that there was something between you. That way, he could flirt his way with others because what then, would you say to him? He wouldn’t be cheating on you because you weren’t together, and you wouldn’t have the right to complain or be jealous because after all, he never actually told you that you were together, right?

He made it so that you would blame yourself for everything.

The worst part? He was such a good guy all throughout, that even when you got slapped with the truth - that he was nothing but a manipulative playboy - there’s a fool’s gold of a hope that has embedded itself in your heart that makes you hold onto the chance of him being a nice guy deep inside.

You’ve been trapped and even though you’ve freed yourself from him physically, you don’t know if or when your heart and mind would be free from him any time soon.

Thrown into the ocean that was him, you got sucked in and it was already too late when you realized you were already drowning. And when you tried to get out, you swim up above only to be pulled back in, deeper and deeper every time.

Today, you walk away, but tomorrow… you’ll see what will fit Baekhyun’s needs. Will he want you back again because he’s bored with his other collections, or will he finally discard you permanently because you’ve turned into one of those things that he hates - the kind that demands commitment from him?

#exo #exosnet #baekhyun #byun baekhyun #exo angst #baekhyun angst #byun baekhyun angst #exo x reader #exo x reader angst #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun x reader angst #byun baekhyun x reader #byun baekhyun x reader angst

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laceymorganwrites · 5 years

Text

Rag Doll

Word Count: 3,705

Pairing: Akutagawa x reader

Warnings: swearing i guess

A/N: i love this edgy Boy, don´t think i wrote him well tho...

(Y/E/O/N) = your enemy´s organization´s name

The headquarters of the Port Mafia illuminated the city of Yokohama, keeping control over it in its central location. Being an organization of this size and importance could be stressful at times, especially if certain members were to go on their own all the time. But in the end they fulfilled their missions and kept everything how it should be. Missions could be tiring however and even the Port Mafia needed to rest and relax sometimes.

If one were to turn in a little corner by the train station, they were to encounter a certain bar, the Rag Doll. It wasn´t just an ordinary bar, oh no, it was the base of an underground information gathering organization that had close ties to the Mafia and worked together with the major organization.

The organization was led by none other than (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Being a former soldier and spy for several organizations you were sick of following orders and fighting for a cause you didn´t believe in.

It did have its perks working in a bar visited by infamous criminals who were dependent on you, such as gossip and protection.

Oh and the poor souls who entered the bar on this very night…

“Could you spare some chlorine?” Dazai asked with gleaming eyes, making you roll your eyes.

“Didn´t you want to die without being a burden to anyone? What kind of image would my bar have if people heard I served chlorine? I have normal costumers too, believe it or not” you scolded the brunet, crossing your arms and shaking your head. Dazai squinted his eyes. “You´re not making this easy for me...” he mumbled.

“People like you don´t deserve an easy death, that´d be quite anticlimactic now, wouldn´t it?” you giggled, having known Dazai quite a while throughout your carrier of changing carriers so often.

Dazai smirked. “I guess you´re right...” he gave in and you placed a glass of whiskey before him.

He stared at it lost in his thoughts while you served the other costumers, meanwhile learning new info on several enemy organizations from your colleagues. “(Y/E/O/N), huh? They´ve been a pain for quite a while now actually...” you thought out loud.

As you stepped in front of Dazai again, his face lit up. “So you´ve been having trouble with them too?” he asked, a suggestive undertone in his voice. You rolled your eyes but couldn´t help but smile. “Wanna team up?” you finally asked… but didn´t get the reaction you anticipated.

“Maybe you can teach my subordinate how not to be a complete failure” he chuckled.

Your happy expression changed into a stone cold one. “He´s just a kid, Dazai” you said through gritted teeth. “He´s not that much younger than me, you know? And yet… he´s just too… unstable” he said in a disgusted voice, it enraged you. “As if you´re one to talk about mental stability! He´s from the slums, you have to understand how hard it must be for him… but instead you just had to make him a perfect weapon, a soldier… you disgust me, Dazai” maybe Akutagawa´s situation made you this emotional because he reminded you of himself, ripped out of a shitty environment, forced to work in a worse one. He didn´t have a chance to choose, he didn´t even have a say in it. You sure pitied the kid. “Do you know how dangerous he would be with an ability like this if I didn´t raise him right? He´s far too uncontrolled with his ability to let him out of my sight” Dazai defended himself, but you weren´t going to give in that easily. “Don´t give me that crap, Dazai! If you would actually have some decency and kindness, hell patience would be enough! If you keep treating him like you do, he´s gonna grow up feeling like a worthless piece of shit. You know, I´m really asking myself why you saved him when you couldn´t care less. People like you shouldn´t be put in charge of people like him!” you glared at him. Dazai just tilted his head, chuckling.

“You seem to care very much about him” he noticed.

You started cleaning the counter, grunting at his comment. “Maybe it´s just because unlike you I´m a decent fucking person” you grumbled.

“I doubt that...you´re a master at your craft after all, and that is deceiving people. But I have to give it to you, nobody does it quite like you” he sighed dreamily.

You clenched your jaw and stared him down. “Why thank you” you chuckled bitterly.

He knew damn well why you did the things you did, it was out of the need for money and because you were forced, to be fair you did it because you liked it now but that was a different story.

Dazai stared at you for a while with an amused expression on his face while you still held your cold one. “Well, that was a fun night. I´ll see you tomorrow” Dazai put down the money for the drink on the counter and left the bar, leaving you with a headache.

When you arrived to work in the next morning Dazai and Akutagawa were already there.

“Good morning, (Y/N)” Dazai smiled at you, but you didn´t respond. Instead you checked in on your coworkers and caught up on the information needed for the mission.

“As you all should know by now, today is the day we raid (Y/E/O/N)´s base and attack them! We will crush them, I don´t accept failure today. This is too important. Alright everybody, commence your positions and don´t die on me, we´re already short staffed. Good luck, guys, see you in the evening” you gave a little pep talk and were about to get ready for your part of the job as well.

That was when you remembered Dazai and his subordinate were still there. “You´re still here? Don´t you have your own plan on taking them out? Starting a massacre or something?” you teased to which Dazai scoffed.

“I wish you were wrong… most of us follow the plan you assigned to us, but we do have our little troublemakers” he shot a glare at Akutagawa who clenched his jaw.

“Okay then, why are you still sitting around here? Don´t you have something useful to do? Come on, Dazai, you must have planned some wicked scheme” you placed your hand on his shoulder. He just chuckled. “Maybe I do… but more importantly, could you take care of my subordinate today. I can´t risk him screwing up again” he muttered, making you frown.

“Don´t give them any trouble and follow their orders, do you understand?” Dazai turned to Akutagawa. He nodded, still not looking up.

You sighed. “I´m getting dressed, Dazai, explain the plan to him, I´ll be right back” you rushed into the backroom and put on the clothes you picked out for the mission.

(Y/E/O/N) was known for holding illegal auctions and you planned on infiltrating one and destroying them from the inside.

After you joined them again, Dazai left you alone.

“It´s nice to finally meet you, Akutagawa” you told him. “I heard very much about you. And before we begin I need you to know that you´re not a failure. I know that we will succeed. You just have to trust in your own strength, because others won´t always be there to do so” you said, but didn´t get any reaction out of him.

“The weak don´t have a right to live” he replied like a mantra.

You frowned, slowly placing a hand on his shoulder. He shuddered at the contact but let your hand remain.

“But you´re not weak…” you reassured him.

His eye twitched at your words but you paid it no mind.

He irritated you, of course you got why he would have such a mindset, growing up in his environment it was only natural. But being saved from such circumstances one ought to be utterly traumatized, grateful to their savior. Normally such Darwinism should vanish from his thoughts, so why was it that he still strove to be the strongest? As if he wasn´t worth being alive otherwise.

Dazai must´ve fucked him up worse than the slums, you thought.

“You´re under no obligation to prove anything to anyone” you told him in all honesty.

“I know. Let´s finish the mission” he said through clenched teeth, apparently you hit a nerve.

In silence you walked to the location and infiltrated it successfully.

“Secure the entrances, make sure nobody can leave. There´s gonna be a massacre here shortly, it would be a shame if anybody missed it” you smirked, distracting people while Akutagawa imprisoned the people.

“Now that was easy, let´s get to the fun part, shall we?” you smiled and started slicing people up with the knives hidden in your clothes.

Akutagawa joined you with his Rashomon and you finished the mission in short time.

Your colleagues would clean up later.

You had a few hours before you had to head back to work so you went home to relax a bit. Akutagawa was gone before you could even say goodbye.

Somehow you felt as if you screwed up, you´d never get to know him now.

But who could blame him? The act of surviving that was his life so far couldn´t be called living, he merely existed, it was easier with thick walls all around him. It was easier if he didn´t let anybody in.

Hell, it even made sense, so why were you so glum about it?

Why was it that you cared so much about him? Why did you want to understand him so badly? You never wanted to be the person to fix other people and force them to face their problems but why did you feel like that was who you were right now?

In the course of the next weeks you ran into Dazai and Akutagawa multiple times, the Mafia and your organization worked close together very often nowadays.

Akutagawa still was distant towards you, not even looking at you while doing missions together.

Your current target was Mimic, Dazai and his friends were involved very closely.

After researching their base and handing the information over to the Mafia you considered your job done and in the evening you wandered through the city, not feeling tired at all.

Something was keeping you awake.

Well, you still couldn´t wrap your head around Akutagawa, but that was silly.

You walked to your favorite spot in the hills where you had a beautiful view of the city.

Sighing you sat down on the bench and stared at the city lights that gleamed in the night sky.

“Dazai-san partnered us up for the mission tomorrow” you didn´t even hear him coming.

Staying in your position, now forcing yourself to look straight ahead and not at him, you nodded.

“Beautiful, isn´t it?” you mumbled, talking about the view.

Akutagawa nodded, thinking about you.

“Dazai must really hate you, huh?” you chuckled, finally looking up to him with sad eyes.

He frowned. “Why?” he asked, stalking closer to you, eventually sitting next to you on the bench.

“Come on, every time we have a mission, we get paired up. Because Dazai´s twisted like that, you know?” you shook your head.

Dazai was another person you couldn´t wrap your head around. Were you friends? Were you enemies? Something in between?

“So that´s how you see it…” he mumbled.

“Dazai´s so sadistic, everyone can see you hate my guts, but no he just has to have us work together. I don´t know what he promises himself from that, but it´s Dazai, you never know with him” you thought out loud.

“If you say so…” Akutagawa said in an annoyed tone.

“Why are you even here? I mean, I could´ve found out we were paired up again by myself tomorrow, there was no need for you to tell me in person like this.” you thought out loud.

“I like this place, didn´t know you were here” he lied, looking down to his feet.

You groaned, you really didn´t want to say anything but you just had to.

“You told me the weak don´t deserve to live when we first met, remember? But I´ve always wondered: did you mean the mentally weak or the physically weak? And what about those who evolve to be strong? Either way, you should´ve killed me after that statement” you rambled.

Akutagawa held his breath, how were you able to scratch at his walls like that? Question him like that? And bring up his past and personal issues? How could you read him like that?

“Being weak and thinking you´re weak are two different things” he said flat out, making you laugh.

He frowned. “What´s so funny?” he crossed his arms.

“Nothing, I just didn´t think you actually had a reason not to kill me” your words came out sounding more annoyed than you actually were.

“Tch, you irritate me” Akutagawa said through clenched teeth.

You groaned. “Oh really? Why is that? Because I speak my mind? Are you so unused to that? I have so many more reasons to be irritated by you than you!” you raised your voice, turning to face him.

“I don´t think I have the same effect on you as you have on me” he told you plainly, making you even more confused.

“What the hell is that even supposed to mean? Can´t you just say what you mean once in your life?” you fumed.

“Why should I do that if I don´t know its consequences?” he questioned, now that perplexed you quite a bit. He didn´t seem like a guy who thought about the consequences of his actions.

“You know, maybe I should hate you. It´s easier that way” Akutagawa stated, not waiting for you to say anything, he just vanished without another word.

He left you wondering what just happened.

Great, the day before the mission you really wanted a good night´s sleep, but now he ruined it.

You hated your brain for it but you would think about him all night, unable to sleep.

You also hated your predictions to become true in the next morning when you had to meet up with Akutagawa.

Luckily his declaration of last night also meant he ignored you, you really weren´t in the mood for talking.

All the talking was broken down into information necessary for the mission.

In silence the two of you walked to the location, at first you thought you were too late, but in fact you were just in time.

Well, too late for the plan you worked so hard and long on, but just in time to step into action and stop Mimic´s leader who was about to kill Odasaku, Dazai´s friend.

Normally you would´ve waited and hidden in a safe spot before raiding the enemy´s base.

Now without thinking, with a mere second of analyzing the situation, you dashed forward in between the two men who were about to shoot each other.

Everything that happened happened in an instance, so fast, it almost felt like forever.

You saw something rushing toward you from the corner of your eye and the next thing you knew, black matter stabbed Mimic´s leader to death and red light illuminated you, acting as an armor, a shield of sorts.

It felt warm and yet it was over as soon as it began.

“What are you guys doing here?” Odasaku spoke up before you could voice your confusion.

Quickly you pushed the thought of what the fuck just happened to the back of your head and gave a short mission report.

“Well, some bird told us you got yourself in trouble and it´s our mission to take out Mimic anyway, so it´s kinda like killing two birds with one stone, right?” you smiled at him.

“I guess, but I had it under control” he defended himself.

“You were just about to get killed, I wouldn´t say that gives the impression of being under control”

You commented, still not grasping how lucky you were, how perfectly in time. You had to commend yourself for thinking so fast, you didn´t think you still had it in you.

“Yeah, you might be right. Well, thanks for saving me again” he showed his gratitude and went back to the mafia´s base with Akutagawa.

“Wait a second, Akutagawa!” you caught up to him.

“What was that just now? I didn´t know your ability is able of defense, you have to tell Dazai, I think he´ll be proud of you” you complimented him.

He stared at you for a while in his cold, emotionless manner, but his eyes were different than normally, there was something soft in them.

“I didn´t really think about it” he admitted.

“Well, either way, you did a good job today. Intentionally or not, you saved me, thank you. I mean it” you told him, trying to look him in the eyes but it was like he was looking right through you.

“Like I said, I didn´t mean to do it, I just did” he said sharply and joined Odasaku on his way.

You didn´t know what you expected, but some part of you had hoped he did it intentionally.

And that part hurt like hell right now.

It was ridiculous and you knew it but for some reason he got to you and you despised it.

This feeling made you so unable to concentrate and feel dizzy and it was just horrible.

You felt utter defeat when you walked back to the Rag Doll.

And as if that wasn´t enough, Dazai was the first thing that caught your eye.

He sat at the bar, flirting with the barmaid and when he saw you, he gave you an amused look.

“What´s so funny, Osamu?” you weren´t in the mood for his twisted schemes today.

“Oh nothing, just the way you can break people. I never thought my subordinate would let you get to him, and yet… and yet he hasn´t been able to think straight ever since he met you.” he sounded disgusted, like a child whose toy has been broken. Maybe it was boredom as well, you could never tell with Dazai.

You sighed and shook your head, you didn´t know whether you should laugh or cry.

“What are you trying to achieve, Dazai? I can´t handle your bullshit today, so why don´t you just tell me your true intentions for once?” you groaned, oh how you wished you could just be at home in your bed right now, away from everything that´s been going on.

“I could ask you the same thing. You accused me of not caring about Akutagawa, but if I didn´t care why would I have saved him? And yes, maybe I did fuck up in raising him, how could I not? I have never done this before. But I know one thing: if he wants to survive in this cruel world, he has to be strong. And he has to be selfish, because the world is too, nobody will care about him and he has to learn that. I can´t have you breaking his heart, I can´t have you trying to fix him, I can´t let you make him let his guard down. Because that way the world will eat him alive” Dazai told you and for once he was honest. That didn´t mean his words didn´t hurt you.

“I´m sorry, Dazai. For doubting you. You´re right, I shouldn´t be around him… but why do you keep pairing us up if you know that?” you felt your lungs squeeze together, cutting off the air, making it hard to breathe. Your heart ached and your hands started to shake as you desperately tried to fight back the tears, it was semi-working.

He chuckled, looking at you with something you could only identify as pity.

“I see the way he looks at you, Akutagawa is always so angry and stern. You somehow manage to calm him down. I´m not stupid, (Y/N). I know what you feel for him. I´m sorry about the way my words came out before, I just wanted to make sure your feelings were honest. I don´t think there´s anyone better for him than you. I have a feeling that you can tear down his walls, maybe make him more sociable… we´ll see. Either way I´m excited to see where this is going”

Dazai smiled at you.

“You´re making this seem as if I actually stand a chance...” you mumbled, you knew exactly what Akutagawa thought of you, he wouldn´t ever see you the same way you saw him.

“Dazai-san, is it true what you said? Does (Y/N) really….? Oh, excuse me”

Akutagawa came rushing through the entrance, he didn´t even see you until Dazai cleared his throat and pointed at you.

“Yes, she likes you back. I´ll leave you two alone now” Dazai mentioned casually before he left.

You almost choked on your breath and blushed heavily, you thought now was a good time to escape but your legs wouldn´t listen to you.

Both of you said nothing for a while and who could blame you? This was what one would call an exceptional awkward situation.

Akutagawa was the first to find his voice again while you were still thinking about your escape route.

“So… is it true?” he asked, not meeting your eyes. His voice was low, like he was trying to suppress something.

You gave up trying to run, what was the point in it?

“Yes” a simple word, taking a leap of faith, you let out the breath you didn´t know you held.

You couldn´t even look into his eyes, too scared of what his reaction might be.

Whatever horrible things you imagined didn´t happen.

Instead Akutagawa was… coughing? And that rather heavily.

You rushed over to him and placed your hand on his shoulder gently.

“Are you alright? Can I do something?” you asked, but he just shook his head.

After a few minutes he was done coughing and looked sideways in embarrassment.

“You too make me feel… things” he bluntly stated, making your heart beat faster.

You smiled at him and took his hand and he let you.

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs imagine #bungo stray dogs oneshot #bungo stray dogs akutagawa #bsd #bsd imagines #bsd imagine #bsd akutagawa #akutagawa #akutagawa ryuuonosuke #ryuunosuke akutagawa #akutagawa x reader #reader insert #imagine #oneshot

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spanishskulduggery · 5 years

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What are some cultural differences you (or your follwers) have discovered while studying spanish?? I’m curious, i’m from the US & recently talking to my latina cousin I realised that when she says she is going clubbing she’s talking about going out after 2am and coming back at like 8am!!! Which is mental to me, i need my sleep lol. So now i feel like there are so many things we do different & i’m so eager to find out more 😂

Is this a culture thing or a language-y thing. Either way, in no particular order:

- Weddings are a big one. Latin American weddings are a BIG thing and go on at least 24 hours pretty much.

- Another I’ve noticed is that Spanish uses a lot of nicknames that sound really demeaning if you used them literally in English. Like in a lot of countries, you could just be known as el gordo/la gorda if you’re fat, or judío/judía “Jewish” if you’re Jewish. In English, if you went around calling someone “Jew” it would make you sound like a Nazi, and if you just referred to someone as “fat” without any context you would sound like a monster. English is very PC at times and Spanish sounds very rude when translated literally. [I definitely took that one from Joanna rants but I knew someone who went by Flaco growing up]

- I’ve also found out that sometimes these nicknames just last for life? Like I don’t know where I saw it but someone had been hearing their relative’s nickname all their life and thought it was their actual name.

- Last names are very unique. I had no idea that so many Spanish-speaking countries had women keeping their own last names even when married.

- Names in general. I didn’t realize that so many people seemed to have multiple first names. I have met people in the US named like “Ann Marie” or “Mary Margaret” but it wasn’t as common as Spanish.

- Also English tends to assume the last name you mention is your last name, while Spanish tends to have the first last name mentioned be the father’s surname and is the one you’d use most often. Or like… if your name was Miguel Díaz Vega or something, in English-speaking culture you’d call him “Mr. Vega”. In Spanish-speaking culture, you’d say “Mr. Díaz”.

- I didn’t realize that for a time Franco made it so you had to give a child a Christian name in Spain.

- That Spain and Latin America don’t always get along, which I did sort of know but I thought it was like how the US and the UK don’t always get along but it’s a lot more intense.

- Also, not all of Spain gets along with all of Spain. And all of the autonomous communities have kind of a reputation among each other. It’s kind of like how in the US everyone thinks of California as one way. Except in Spain it’s a little more serious and contentious at times.

- And some Latin American countries are like… openly hostile about other Latin American countries, which again, the US and Canada are neighbors and generally both speak English but we’ve got stereotypes and not seething hatred. Not to say all Latin American countries hate all other Latin American countries, but I knew someone who nearly got disowned because they were dating a Colombian person.

- That “racism” in the US is almost always black or white, literally. In Latin America most racism comes out as “colorism”. In the US and a lot of English-speaking places, people think of anyone from Latin America being a person of color. In Latin America, everyone realizes that some people have European ancestry, some people have African ancestry, some people have indigenous ancestry, some people have Asian ancestry, and some people are any combination therein.

Meaning that you could be “white” by US standards like a blonde and blue-eyed person who just happens to be Mexican or Puerto Rican, but the US assumes outright that you’re a person of color.

But in Latin American society, the colorism comes out in that everyone seems to understand that most people are mixed in some way, but there’s preferential treatment or more representation for people of lighter skin tones. This comes out especially in families where some family members might just not associate with other branches of the family or ignore they exist. And that there are all kinds of words in Spanish (different words in different countries at that) for people who are light skinned or people who are darker, or people who are light skinned who act like they’re darker and vice versa.

- Also there are weird superstitions and things that are kind of vaguely racist by US standards. Like in some countries if you see a black person it’s customary to pinch someone you’re with for good luck.

- In some places you’re supposed to pinch a redhead when you see them for good luck which is less racist but more invasive I guess?

- People are also very relaxed about certain words or traditions that I as an American have some politically correct visceral reactions to. Like in Spain it’s not that uncommon to see someone in blackface when it’s Three Kings Day, or how in the US it’s no longer considered acceptable to say “gypsy” you’re supposed to say Roma or Romani, but in Spanish gitano/a is not seen as anything that bad except for when it is

- Also Three Kings Day is a thing and very important. I mean we do have the Epiphany in the US but unless you’re religious, it means nothing for you. On Three Kings Day, it’s kind of like Christmas because you get gifts and you leave out grass or food for the camels.

- I was not prepared for Pascua being used for both Christmas [also Navidad] and Easter by the way. That’s real difficult for me.

- You also kiss your elder family member’s hands in some places. I’m not totally sure if it’s like la bendición exactly, but in some countries it’s a sign of respect or how you ask for someone’s blessing

- “Heal, heal, frog’s tail/ass, if you don’t heal today, you’ll heal tomorrow” when someone - especially a little kid - gets hurt or sick. It’s kind of like “kissing a boo boo to make it better” except it is literally phrased like a magical spell

- In most places, the idea of “Friday the 13th” is “Tuesday the 13th” in Spanish countries. Unless you literally mean a date, “Tuesday the 13th” is the unlucky day, which kind of makes me think of Ides of March I dunno

- Being told not to walk around barefoot because your ovaries will freeze

- Gross, but if you’re a girl being told to “serve” your male relatives like your cousin or your brother; sírvele

- Sometimes there are terms of endearment that translate very badly in English. I could never call someone mi gordito/a or mi negro/a as a term of endearment, regardless of body type and regardless of skin color and it translates as “sweetie” or “dear”. I would never feel comfortable saying those words to anyone at anytime for any reason because it took me years to get over feeling weird about negro/a being “black”

- Trying to figure out whether to use a comma or a period when talking about thousands because some people will do 100,000 and some people will do 100.000 and then SOME people will just do 100 000

- It’s not a “party” if there isn’t dancing. If you’re just standing around talking, it feels like a funeral. You at least need a space where people can dance if it’s a party.

- Las Mañanitas being the Mexican Happy Birthday song and if you listen to it literally you’re just like “why are we talking about dawn so much??”

- “suburbs” in the US are nice places where people live who work in a big city, they’re like nice slightly rural communities and they’re the dream of the middle class. A suburbio in Latin America is a “shanty town” or a “slum” usually, like makeshift houses built out of sheets of metal and bits of wood.

- “Middle class” in general just means something completely different for the US than it does for Europe and parts of Latin America. In Europe especially the “middle class” are the snobs who act like they’re better than each other and are obsessed with materialism. In the US “middle class” is “I’m not poor because I worked hard and I’m not rich because I’m self-made and I picked myself up by my bootstraps and I now live in comfortable stability with a wife and 2.5 kids and a picket fence and this is the American dream”. Europe is like “the middle class is the worst part of humanity” and is more like how the US would describe “keeping up with the Jones’s”

- Trying to explain the times Spaniards eat is very difficult because in the US you have breakfast when you wake up, 12 noon is lunch, dinner is sometime between 5-7 usually. In Spain there’s a breakfast, a snack, a second breakfast, a huge lunch, maybe another snack, dinner if you’re hungry but it’s late and probably tapas. I’m like 90% sure that the US definition of meal time was based on a factory schedule because it is so weirdly strict and on a timetable.

- The US cares more about Cinco de Mayo and the majority of us don’t even know what it symbolizes for Mexico, or that the majority of Mexico doesn’t celebrate it

- The US is very rushed as a culture especially in big cities. If you make people wait for you, you’re the rude one and you should be ashamed. In a lot of Spanish-speaking countries, it’s more relaxed. Like I’ve heard “Spanish time” or “Mexican time” etc when people are saying they’re operating slower but I think the US is just VERY rushed

- The US is very weirdly affectionate and loving but also very prudish. Like we smile at each other, we laugh and say “I love you” as a goodbye. But when sex comes up we act like it doesn’t exist and it is so bizarre because it is the exact opposite in Europe because many countries would consider you being weirdly inappropriate or disingenuous for smiling at strangers or asking people how they are as a greeting [and make no mistake, in the US except in the South, we say “how are you?” and if we don’t know you, we aren’t looking for an answer other than “good”]… We really must seem like overly emotional liars sometimes to people in Europe.

- The grading system in general

- I can’t even get into the metric system and Celsius. I’ve seen fear when I tell someone it’s 98 degrees outside.

- La chancla

- There are some superstitions that most countries have about not putting your wallet or purse on the floor and itchy palms meaning money coming your way

- People making jewelry out of baby teeth

- Speaking of, the Tooth Fairy is a mouse named Ratoncito Pérez

- el hombre del saco is a common thing to scare children with if they misbehave

- You’re gonna learn real quick that in Latin America if you’re from the US and you say soy americano/a you might get some nasty responses about how they’re also Americans living in the Americas, which is valid and why I say estadounidense

Spain on the other hand says americano/a pretty often and also norteamericano/a which I guess is closer but also I guess canadiense is distinct enough? I dunno. I usually stick with estadounidense because I don’t want to be That Gringo

- Along the same lines, generally avoid calling people in Latin America “Hispanic”… that’s a term that really only Spanish-speakers in the US use. For everyone else it sounds kind of like you’re calling them “subjects of the Spanish Crown”

- SPANISH REGIONALISMS THAT NO ONE TAUGHT ME AND NOW GROCERY SHOPPING IS THE WOOOOORST IT’S NOT EVEN A CULTURE THING ALL THE TIME BUT I JUST WANT SOME BEANS AND WHY IS BANANA A PLANTAIN THEY ARE DIFFERENT

-Also Chile. Just Chile. Just Chile in general. Shout out to my lovely Chilean followers, you know what why you’re on this list and not just because yellow is your lucky color, ya po

Anyone else want to add some because I want to learn

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baseborns · 5 years

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( ORLANDO BLOOM, THIRTY EIGHT, CISMALE, HE/HIM. ) did i hear whispers of the arrival of ( KOL STONE ) in king’s landing ? apparently the ( SELLSWORD ) is known to be ( AUDACIOUS ) and ( CHARMING ), however they’ve also been seen being rather ( MACHIAVELLIAN ) and ( AVARIOUS ). they hail from ( THE VALE ), and it’s said that they are loyal to ( WHOMEVER PAYS THE HIGHEST ). only time will tell if that will last.

time for round 2. hi ! i’m nae ( she/her , twenty , from good ol’ australia ! ) and i’ll be playing alyse greyjoy and . . . this jerk kol stone :/ click below to find some more Stuff abt him + some wc’s !

biography !

tw : prostitution , child neglect , implied death / murder.

the story surrounding kol stone is a slightly complicated and somewhat despondent one. for nothing was waiting for the young child when he entered the world besides his own arrogance to keep him warm. beginning in the vale of arryn , all the way to the pits of braavos ---- KOL STONE was not a name you’d have acknowledged ( in fact , you may have frowned at the bastard name. ) but it would be one you’d come to know.

his mother , to put it frank , was a prostitute at one of the gulltown brothels. and his father? well , his father was a lord from HOUSE LYNDERLY. their union , as brief as it was , would come to conceive one of the most dangerous sellswords in the entire of westeros. but to begin with , kol stone was simply a bastard ; with a mother whom was often more preoccupied with other activities and often wouldn’t have noticed if her son was even alive, and a father he had never met but received monthly funds from.

raised in a brothel , and often kicked out into the streets when the place got too busy , SURVIVAL was something kol had to learn early on. from a child he was often seen scavenging the streets , and thieving from merchants wherever possible ; and often he succeeded with ease , for many commented on how swift , nimble , and quick the little bastard was.

he was ten when his mother disappeared. although , he never knew for certain if his mother simply left with one of her many customers or had died in some ditch somewhere in gulltown. nonetheless , kol took the opportunity ( or much rather , was forced to take the opportunity. ) to leave gulltown for better things.

BETTER THINGS was a far more hopeful word than anticipated. the road from gulltown to snakewood was a long & difficult one , but it was kol’s first taste of the real world and some true independence. whatever possessed him to think he would be accepted into his father’s home with open arms , he doesn’t know , but he was an ORPHAN looking for some stability for a change. house lynderly housed him for a full year ---- at the time , kol was the only living son of his father & people were beginning to think he’d be the only lynderly child they’d be blessed with. his father was an honorable man , but a desperate one , and at one point : had even considered asking the queen for legitimacy.

but then , his father had a child. his wife had finally given him a legitimate son , a legitimate heir. the wife , whom had despised her husband’s bastard the moment he shuffled in through the doors , banished him from her home . but his first taste at wealth & prosperity lingered. his father said ‘ TAKE THE BLACK ’ and urged him towards the wall , but kol had other ideas. instead , towards the coast , kol managed to gain ( or perhaps manipulate. ) employment from a braavosi merchant in exchange for passage across the narrow sea.

BRAAVOS was where kol flourished. between street fights he managed to pick or organise , and a few minor contracts after that , he began to get a reputation for his success in swinging a sword or throwing a punch. many flocked to watch , and within a few year he was beginning to sell his title as a SELLSWORD within essos.

he returned home to westeros in his early thirties. although braavos had become more his home than the vale had , he traveled western westeros ( mainly throughout the stormlands , the reach , and briefly through dorne. ) taking up whatever contracts nobility or commoners threw at him , and for the right coin? he could turn a blind eye to any morals or decency ; especially as long as his belly was full & he had a roof over his head.

shitpost.jpg !

swiper from dora the explorer is a Big inspiration. not gonna lie

loyalty? love? what’s that? homeboy only knows how to love HIMSELF.

that being said , he is actually loyal to a certain extent. as long as you pay him well , he will always honor his word. ( he’s much like bronn ! ) so really :/ you gotta’ pay for your loyalty. isn’t that Nice.

literally heard the queen was inviting houses to king’s landing and saw dollar signs. he was in king’s landing at the time , but stuck around hoping to earn some $$ but either way , he adores king’s landing.

he doesn’t Care about your house or title , but he’s very touchy abt his own. he’s a bastard from house lynderly from the vale ; he was disowned by his father following the birth of a Lynderly heir , and although kol has gotten over that , he still doesn’t like talking about his bloodline. he keeps it all very hush , hush !

he’s pretty good at his job ! really the only thing goin for him :/ but he mainly fights with his sword ! although he does have daggers he hides somewhere on him at all times.

wanted connections !

ENEMIES : hi i’m nae & i love ANGST. kol is . . . a Jerk Trash Raccoon. he’s a liar , manipulator , con , and general asshat. if he hasn’t pissed dozens of people off over the years , he’s ripped them off in some way or the other. ( he’s traveled all over westeros so his collection of enemies? phew ) he’s also a sellsword so it could even be someone coming back for revenge for someone kol has taken out. 👀 * OPEN !

EMPLOYER : as a sellsword , kol is hired out by others to take out their enemies , but he can also be hired out as a personal protection of sort ! kol can be rough , a little negligent at times , but he’s good at his job ---- so someone who has or is planning to hire him as their own personal guard ! * OPEN !

BUDDIES : kol , , , doesn't have pals. he travels too much & he’s just not good Friend Material. but someone he can share a Cold One with?? maybe someone he’s seen around frequently over the years?? maybe someone who was in braavos?? * OPEN !

LOVE INTEREST PART ONE : sigh. he definitely has left a trail of broken ( ? ) hearts in his wake. he’s moved around westeros a LOT so he was never consistently in one place for any longer than a few months. he can be very charming , he can even be lovable to a certain extent when he wants to be , but commitment? don’t know her ! he’s definitely been the type to make all these promises / lie to / manipulate someone only to leave them without even a goodbye , sleep around , and general Man H*e capabilities. this is more of an Angsty one b/c? kol probably has no emotional attachment to these people ! but we can definitely plot something out?? * OPEN to male , female , non - binary !

LOVE INTEREST PART TWO : ok part 2 because i would love to see someone that actually had an effect on kol ! kol has actually formed some emotional attachment w/ this one & is probably a MESS. * OPEN to male , female , non - binary !

there’s so many more that i haven’t mentioned but , I’m a grandma and i need a nAP. but feel free to hmu and we can plot anything out !

#crowns:intro #!

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fcnna · 5 years

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❝ Even if you are a small forest surviving off of moon alone: your light is extraordinary. ❞ MILENA TSCHARNTKE? No, that’s actually FENNA VAN DEN BERG. A SIXTH YEAR student, this HUFFLEPUFF student is sided with THE NEUTRALS. SHE/THEY identifies as GENDERQUEER and is a MUGGLEBORN who is known to be FICKLE, ESCAPIST and DISTANT, but also ARTISTIC, STEADY and INDEPENDENT.

LINKS: stats, pinboard, character tag. CHARACTER PARALLELS: susanna kaysen (girl, interrupted), chidi anagonye (the good place), pam halpert (the office), riley blue (sense8) HELLO gang, so this is a rewrite/repost of my old intro. fenna is now sixteen, not twenty six, and she’s a puff rather than a beauxbatons graduate. some of this will be the same, some will not! yeet!

history

fenna is born to a dutch family in the city of utrecht as the youngest of three. her family is a rich one --- one of the richest, actually. they’re ambitious and cunning and success and reputation are words that fenna is all too familiar with growing up. there is no room for oddities or rebellion or putting a toe out of line and fenna doesn’t mind. they’re good at rules and doing what is expected and falling in line, anyways. it’s safe. it’s easy.

her father has to go abroad for work. a lot. germany, france, belgium, the uk ... he’s more away from home than he’s not. when the company he works for (or, well, partly owns, really) has a great opportunity to become even more global, he drags his family with him to england, where they settle in manchester. it’s an exciting thing, to move across europe when you’re seven, but a sad one, too. fenna says goodbye to all their friends and teachers and weeps in the car and refuses to learn english.

they do learn, eventually. fenna doesn’t have much of a choice, as they attend muggle private school. and once they know their way around the language, they do well in school. unaware of the fact that they’re a wix, there’s a lot of pressure on their shoulders and they work hard, their focus iron-like, their wish to please their parents great. but in moments of stress, their magic shows --- and fenna is scared of it. fenna does not tell their parents, out of fear of disapproval and raised eyebrows, not wanting to admit that this is something real in the first place. in stead, they get the best grades and play the piano and keep their worries locked in their heart. magic isn’t real.

and yet, the truth comes out one day. fenna is a witch, they’re all told, and it’s a shock. they are to go to a school in scotland and study magic there. it’s a shock. it’s like a bomb goes off in their home. but here’s the thing --- their parents didn’t stop loving them. and yet, something did change in the way she was loved, and fenna -- quiet and observant -- noticed it all too well.

because here’s the thing --- when you’re a witch, you can’t go to one of the top universities in the uk and become a doctor or lawyer or politician, you can’t fill the mold that comes with being a van den berg, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t. and that was what life was all about for fenna up until now, and what it is still all about for their family, and suddenly for them, that was over. so things changed. slowly but surely and eventually disastrously ( but we’re not there yet ).

so fenna was off to this boarding school, with their eyes wide open and their heart hammering. from day one, a wedge started growing between them and their family. whether it was disapproval, insecurities or the distance that forced it, no one really knows --- but it was there, from the beginning, and only grew bigger. meanwhile fenna did find themselves at hogwarts, falling in love with magic and the feeling of control they got when spells went right. the pressure was off from her family ---- what did they care if they succeeded in magic? it’d not mean anything in the muggle world. doing well at hogwarts was something fenna did for themselves and yes, that still made them stressed and anxious and the pressure was still there, but it had lessened, changed.

fenna started sending less owls to home. they and their family grew apart more and while that happened, they found something called independence and that it came quite easily to them. fenna learned what living for themselves was. they learned that, damn it, there were no dreams for great successes in law or politics living inside of them. there was a passion for art, though, for all kinds of it. painting especially, was what they fell in love with.

queerphobia tw / after her fifth year, fenna had grown into an independent, but solitary person. their art had become better, their passions grown bigger, their relationship with their parents as fragile as a bomb. fenna spent the summer at home, trying to see what was wrong, what was happening with them and their parents. in the end, they decided that something was just horribly wrong. their parents were no monsters, but they struggled with fenna’s magic, and their wishes to become an artist, with their gender and sexuality, with everything, really. there were fights. there were disagreements. fenna felt terrible, being home, and longed for the end of summer, for a return to hogwarts, for a place to feel at damn home end of tw

it was just hard, with their family. there was never any real confrontational harsh destruction, never a moment of outspoken disapproval or disappointment. everything was kept in the shadows. in their home, there was no room for honesty, and if there was, it was like a bomb exploding, with everything coming out. it was suffocating. fenna couldn’t do it any more.

i do think that this moment during summer break was significant. it was a push for fenna to grow more serious about their passions. they want to go to art school, want to do what they want to do, because they know that they will never be happy doing what their parents want from them. they’re ready for the world, to chase their dreams --- i mean, it’s utterly terrifying, but fenna is finally daring to think about a future in the arts, rather than a future with more stability, one that fit in the image they always had of their own future.

and then they return to hogwarts and the war breaks out. the war is ... well, it’s fucking terrifying, frankly. fenna is no fighter, they know that. they’re no good with dueling or offensive spells. they’re no good in any of this, frankly ---- fenna craves control in everything in their lives and they dont have that with this war, especially as it does target people like them. for now, they are neutral, cowardly hiding in the shadows. they know that there’s things to do, that there should be things she could do, that she should not hide in fear but --- how do you not do that, if that is your instinct?

personality & ramblings

meet fenna --- your local tortured artist! sad pal, with a good heart but a lot of insecurities and doubts clouding it. i’m going to try and just summarise their general personality here!!

fenna is first and foremost independent. they don’t rely on anyone but themselves, and like it that way. they don’t feel independent, they feel absolutely bloody lost, but they are. this partly comes from the fact that they like to feel in control and at this point, they do hold a lot of the reigns when it comes to stuff in her life? they also rly like things that are logical because of this, like maths and arithmancy and potions

fenna is ... both incredibly emotional and completely rigid? in their private time, they cry and rage easily, but to the outside world they’re definitely quite composed and rigid. fenna is good at pretense and masks and not showing all that is going on.

as a friend, they’re nurturing and kind and always down for a spontaneous night of shenanigans. doesn’t like DANGER but does like shenanigans.

idk i can go on for forever theyre such a mess

nsfw / fenna’s genderqueer/femme. they use both she/her and they/them pronouns --- it depends on how they’re feeling, but also who they’re with, tbh. they’re pansexual/panromantic and very easy when it comes to sex. puts the ho in art ho! nah but for real they sleep around and they don’t think much of it at all tbh, sex is fun and it relaxes her and it’s a good time for everyone involved / end

oof such a romantic, deep down. just aesthetic wise for sure, but also ... fenna does love like, jane austen and the bronte sisters and old romance novels and shitty romcoms and ahhhh. does believe in true love but ? have they given it a shot? really? not rly. too afraid of it.

also, def has some stereotypical muggleborn stuff going on. never used quills, thinks the wizarding world is a mess always, etc. they also love muggle culture in general and is addicted to netflix tbh. VERY MAD ABOUT THE PHONE BAN! they miss pinterest and netflix big time.

depression & anxiety tw / fenna is depressed & has general anxiety disorder. both are undiagnosed at the moment, as they don’t really . understand that something might be going on, or rather are in denial about it. i mean, to a certain extent they know that something’s not right, but they don’t want to take any steps to find help, because they downplay it Big Time in their mind. the war is definitely contributing to all this. end of tw.

honestly they just want to move the fuck away from this war, either back to the netherlands. they dont! like! this! war.

i could see them joining the MA, somewhere along the line? but rn fenna just. likes sitting in their corner. escaping from this shitty reality. smoking some pot. painting some shit. ignoring the reality of the world.

ALSO I RLY STRUGGLED W THEIR HOUSE BC LIKE FENNA WOULD DO SO WELL IN RAVENCLAW BUT! I THINK THEY WORK WELL AS A PUFF BC IF YOURE THEIR FRIEND THEY ARE SO LOYAL! AND THEY DONT MIND HARD WORK when its GOOD work and also theyre just. a nice person.

#iidyintro #here to bring you the NEW fenna ig!!#not much has changes theyre just younger

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longingfreesia · 5 years

Text

more modern au. wc 2443, ao3 mirror

He should've known things would end up like this, with Bluhen inviting them both over to stay the night. Things had been mostly fine thus far, but without Bluhen around to stabilize themー

“What the fuck do you want?”

“I don’t want anything from you, and I never will.”

“I hope you choke.”

“The feeling’s mutual.”

“Can I please at least get dressed before you two start this?” comes Bluhen’s sleepy-sounding voice from somewhere around the living room. Right, he had slept on the couch last night.

Shit, he was awake? How much did he hear? Either way, he was probably already upset… It's not long before a mess of curly hair peeks in around the doorway.

Richter is the first to speak. “I'm sorry, Bluhen. I didn't intend to be so harsh, especially not to our family.” Herrscher scoffs audibly. Richter shoots him a fast glare. “Please excuse us.”

Bluhen yawns. “You don't have to talk so formal to me… We grew up together, silly.” He half-mumbles. Richter gains a confused expression. Herrscher may not care much for him, but growing up together with him along with Bluhen means he knows that Richter can't help it. He's not good at speaking already, but being casual or familiar was near impossible. He feels a bit sympathetic. Ugh.

Bluhen stretches as he yawns again. Herrscher notices he slept in an oversized t-shirt instead of pajamas. He doesn't think he recognizes this one… And it doesn't seem the type of thing he'd buy. A phoru…? Ah, it wasn't his business. “Do you two want breakfast?”

Richter nods. “Yes, that would be lovely.” Herrscher feels a bit annoyed that he answered for them both, but it didn't matter. His answer was the same as his anyway.

Bluhen gives a sleepy smile. “Alright. Go ahead and sit down or get comfortable or whatever. It shouldn't take long.”

Richter nods for the both of them again, and follows up on the instruction shortly. Everything about him is so prim and proper. It's nine o'clock in the morning, dear god, does he have to be like this so early? Herrscher opts not to sit down, rather to lean against the wall where he could see most of the house. The silence is mostly comfortable.

That is, until Richter breaks it. “I need to discuss something with you.”

“What?” Herrscher’s attention along with his gaze is drawn to Richter. He holds the coffee mug he'd been making earlier. He doesn't know how Richter stands the stuff.

Richter taps the mug in his hands one, two, three times, then actually picks it up. “I’m sure you already know by now that Bluhen does not appreciate how we… act.”

“‘Appreciate’ is a weak word for it.”

Richter scowls. “I don’t need your attitude. In any case, I don’t…” His face scrunches up in the way it does when he’s frustrated and trying to figure it out. “...want to upset him any further.”

“And?”

“I am suggesting… we put aside our differences. Or at least attempt to.”

Herrscher scoffs. “Are you willing to stop harassing me whenever I don’t kiss Ishmael’s feet?”

Richter’s grip on the glass tightens. A small impulsive motion only those who'd been around him for years would be able to notice. “Do not speak of Mother in that way,” he hisses. Herrscher only rolls his eyes, not acknowledging him.

Richter takes a breath, composing himself. “Are you willing to compromise with me, here?” He sighs softly. “If not for any reason other than Bluhen’s sake.”

Herrscher mulls over it for a moment. It was true that despite how much Richter annoyed him, Bluhen did get rather upset when they fought. He always pleaded with them to cut it out, and who knows what he asked of Richter when Herrscher wasn’t around. If he told him aboutーWell, whatever.

He didn’t like when Bluhen was upset. (he was all he had, after all. when his sun went out, what was left for him?) He nods with a soft grunt.

“Fine. For him, not for you.” he adds.

“That’s alright by me. Just as long as Bluhen is happy.” With this, Richter stands up, and makes to leave. Herrscher didn’t care where he was going, didn’t bother to watch. He supposes, though, that he should find Bluhen. (truthfully, he was the only one who knew how to cook, and… he’d probably like it if he ate today.)

It takes him a good few minutes to drag himself up out of his thoughts to go look for him. He finds him half-passed out strewn across the couch. Did he not make it to the kitchen? He must not have slept well after all, since he wasn’t in bed… He feels somewhat guilty about it, but Bluhen had insisted. He sits down next to him and gently nudges him.

“Mmh?” Bluhen mumbles before sitting up, albeit immediately drooping onto Herrscher’s shoulder once he’s upright. He’s still sleepy… “Whassit?”

“...Breakfast. Looks like Richter left, as well.”

Bluhen yawns. “Ooh, yeah… Yeah, I saw him go out the door, but I wasn’t really… conscious… to say goodbye. He was probably going to work or somethin’.” he waves his hands around lightly as he speaks. Herrscher knew it was the way he did when he was trying very hard to communicate his thoughts (and failing). He usually tries to reassure him that he’s understandable, but he stays frustrated anyway. He feels Bluhen’s arms wrap around him in a sleepy hug.

“...What’s this for?”

“‘s not for anything. You’re just warm and I like you.” He nuzzles into him. “And, I’m still sleepy… I wanna sleep on you��”

Herrscher, thinking about it honestly, didn’t mind that idea too much. But, still, he should probably confirm… Bluhen has responsibilities, right? (did he, actually…?)

“You don’t have anything you need to take care of?”

Bluhen hums. “Nooo... At least I don’t think so… ‘s probably not important if I do, anyway.”

“...Alright.” Herrscher assures, and Bluhen drops into his lap. Herrscher stiffens a bit in surprise. “You don’t… want to go back to your bed?”

“Mmm… It’d be nice, but… Don’t wanna move.” Bluhen mumbles. Herrscher smiles. He really is kind of lazy… Well. If this was all alright by him, then… He supposed they were staying here until Bluhen woke up. He carefully brushes Bluhen’s hair out of his eyes. He found it admirable that he could be so peaceful. (he wishes he could be as happy as his brother, as well.)

Judging by the fact he wakes up later, he guesses he must have fallen asleep as well. He doesn't know how long he slept for. However, finding out would require moving Bluhen, and considering the fact they had at some point moved to where Herrscher was leaned against the armrest and Bluhen’s head rested against his chest, that wasn't happening. Taking a look at him, his cheek was mushed against his chest. He looks so… tranquil. Herrscher finds himself wondering if he's alright lately. He never did show his emotions wellーno, no, that wasn't right. Herrscher was the one bad at that. Bluhen was wonderful at itーand just as skilled at hiding the ones he didn't want others to see. He knew that if Bluhen was in a bad place, he wouldn't ever tell anyone, maybe not even if he wasn't safe.

(but bluhen was stronger than he was. bluhen wasn't so weak as to be unsafe because of his own head.) He wonders if it would upset him to ask. He could never tell how his words would affect people.

In any case, he should probably wake him. Whatever time it is, it's probably later than he needs to be sleeping. He tries to do so by gently poking his cheeks. Bluhen eventually comes to life, giggling lightly upon realizing what was happening.

“What was that?”

“Waking you up.”

Bluhen hums, sits himself up. “Oh, sorry. I didn't mean toー”

Herrscher shakes his head. Bluhen's smile turns soft. “Oh, shoot, you asked about breakfast but Iーoh!” he gasps and jerks upright. Herrscher starts to say it's fine, he doesn't need to worry about it, then remembers how upset he'd likely be if Herrscher didn't eat. He relents, for now. Bluhen gets up and makes his way into the kitchen, seemingly uncaring of the world around him now. Herrscher watches for a moment before following him with heavy steps.

He finds Bluhen pouting. Herrscher makes a soft noise of questioning, and he turns to look his way.

“Ah, it's just… He used the coffee machine, but there's a lot left… And I don't drink it. So I don't know what to do with the rest…” His shoulders droop as he sighs. “Oh well. I don't know if he'll be back, so I guess I'll have to live with wasting some this time.”

Come to think of it, he didn't drink what he made before… Or did he take it with him? Either way, how rude. Bluhen sets about cleaning up and getting things out. Herrscher suddenly feels a bit awkward not knowing what to do with himself.

Thank god for Bluhen and his intuition. “Oh, I only just realized he left without staying to eat… Ah, I guess it can't be helped.” Herrscher refrains from commenting on what a rude, stuck-up prick Richter is, in favor of not upsetting Bluhen. “Speaking of... Did Richter… talk to you at all?” ...Nevermind. Herrscher doesn't like his intuition anymore.

But he couldn't lie to Bluhen. “...Yes.”

“Was he as… rude as he was when I woke up?”

“No.”

“Oh, that's good,” accompanied by the clattering of a pan on the stove, “I won't pry as to what you talked about. I'm just glad to hear you two aren't always at each other's throats.”

Herrscher can't see his face. (he wouldn't be able to read it anyway if he could, but it still disconcerts him.) His voice sounds odd in a way he can't place. The room soon fills with the sound and smell of cooking. It always felt comforting to Herrscher. A feeling like home and being taken care of, and entirely welcome to him. Even if he wouldn't admit it.

Though the unfamiliar tone of Bluhen's voice still worried him. Maybe he could ask now…?

“...Bluhen.”

“Hmm?” He stays with his back turned.

“...Are you…” Suddenly his throat felt as if filled with clay. What was it about asking that was so difficult?

“Huh? Am I what?” Bluhen glances over to him before quickly returning to the stove.

“...I'm… worried.”

“Ooh…” Bluhen pauses for a few moments, then, “Hold on a minute.” With that, he tries to get everything settled and onto plates. It takes a few minutes, but when it's dealt with, he sighs softly. “Will you come eat with me?”

Herrscher nods. “Thank you,” Bluhen beams. He scoops up the plates he arranged and moves with them to the table in the dining room. Herrscher still feels unsure of what to do with himself.

Once they settle down, Bluhen starts to speak. “Okay. First of all, don't you worry about me, okay?” Herrscher starts to object, but he continues, “I'm fine, okay? I would tell you if something was wrong.”

Herrscher takes a moment to gather the words he needs. “...You wouldn't.”

Bluhen cocks his head. “Huh?”

“You don't. Haven't. You never do.”

“Herr… That's not… It's because it's never real problems! I just, y'know, sometimes it's justーa lot. And it's overwhelming. That's really all.”

Herrscher knows he's lying. He doesn't know if he's aware of it. “...That's not true. You don't tell us about anything until it's bad enough that it’s impossible not to notice.” His words are slow. He at least appreciates how Bluhen lets him find his way through his words like he needs to. “You don't tell anyone that you're being overloaded until you've curled up in a ball on the floor, to name a minor example.”

“That's…” Bluhen sighs. His cheek comes to rest against his hand. “No one needs to deal with my things. So it's okay.”

“...It's… not. You wouldn't… ever let me say that.”

Bluhen runs his hand over his face. “...Alright. I guess you're right about that… ...I'm sorry.”

Herrscher simply shakes his head. Bluhen always understands. He would also likely be able to tell that speaking this much is tiring for him. Bluhen leans over and takes Herrscher’s hand in his own. “If you're worried about how I'm feeling… I promise I really am fine. Maybe a bit tired, but I'm okay.”

“...Promise.”

Bluhen laughs softly. He links their pinkies together and shakes their hands. “There.”

Herrscher finds himself blushing. He knows no one else was around to see it, but it was still embarrassing for Bluhen to have him do something like they would've as children…

“And what about you? You don't exactly tell anyone how you're feeling, either.”

Herrscher feels a bit of dread sink through his chest. Of course he would flip the script on him… He should've expected this. Perhaps he should be a little worried about it, wondering if Bluhen was doing this just so that they wouldn't be talking about him anymore, butーAh, well. “...I'm alright.”

“Is that the truth?”

“...Of course.”

Bluhen’s face scrunches up. “No, it's not, I can tell.” He squeezes Herrscher’s hand. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

Of course he could. Bluhen was the only person he could tell anything.

Now, though, he doesn't want to. He knows Bluhen will just worry. Ah… He can't lie to him.

“...I know. It's never… really… good, but… it's not the worst it could be. I'm not going to hurt myself. Don't worry about it.”

Bluhen gently clasps his other hand around Herrscher's. “Promise?”

Herrscher nods subtly. “I stopped doing that ages ago.” (maybe he had simply replaced it with starving himself, or not getting out of bed for three days at a time, but… it was better. it had to be.) “I don't plan to go back.”

Bluhen squeezes his hand again. “That's good. You promised you'll tell me if you're upset, too, just now.”

Herrscher raises an eyebrow, amused. “I did.”

Bluhen nods firmly. “Yes, you did. And I expect you to keep it.”

Herrscher almost laughs at how determined he is. He's a bit like a child. He never has really changed since he was one. “Alright.”

“Great! Then will you eat with me now?”

Herrscher nods. He's always happy to see Bluhen’s smile. This time is no exception. (and, of course, his cooking was always goodーbut the look on his face was much better.)

#elsword #f #i GUESS #ainchase ishmael #another light

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lavenderblossom74 · 5 years

Link

>>Start from the beginning here

"Bruce, Dick is your son."

And it was as if a powerful wave crashed into Bruce and left him disoriented and gasping for air because Dick was his son? Multiple thoughts swirled inside his mind but he couldn't process them all at once, couldn't figure out this puzzle that made absolutely no sense.

Because Dick had known, and oh God, Dick had known all along. From the first moment he'd met Bruce, he'd known that Bruce was his dad.

And Bruce- and Bruce… how much had he hurt that kid? His kid?

Suddenly the sound of a shrill beep pierced Bruce's thoughts and drew him back into reality. He looked at his wristwatch and his eyes widened, "The antidote's done," he said.

As he went to retrieve it, he could only hope it worked.

The half hour it took for the antidote to work seemed like an eternity to Bruce. And when the tests finally showed that Dick's hemoglobin levels were no longer decreasing, Bruce didn't think he'd ever been more relieved his life.

About an hour after that, Dick began to stir and Bruce saw Rebecca lean anxiously over her chair, ready to comfort and reassure her nephew.

But when Dick blearily opened his bright blue eyes, it was not his aunt's name on his lips.

"Brss?"

Bruce jolted in surprise but moved forward nonetheless, "I'm right here, Dick. You're okay."

The kid closed his eyes and smiled a little, "Kay" he said before falling back sleep.

Rebecca looked up at him with shock written all over her face but Bruce was in no mood to appease her. Instead he ignored her and chose to continue watching the boy who he'd almost lost.

Word spread fast around the watchtower though and several of the Leaguers dropped by to see how the kid they'd come to know as Robin was doing.

The first to visit were Dinah and Ollie who brought some balloons. Bruce was tempted to ask Dinah to stay with Dick so as to keep up appearances but in the end decided against it. Dick deserved better than that.

Next came Barry who merely raised an eyebrow at Bruce and placed some candy next to Dick's bedside. After him came J'onn who calmly phased through the door (much to Rebecca's surprise) and deposited some Oreos. He gave Bruce a knowing look before leaving the way he'd entered.

Finally Clark showed up with Conner who was holding a small robin plush in his hands. Conner settled it on Dick's pillow and quietly said, "You better be okay, alright? And you're not allowed to ever get sick like that again," he shuddered and Clark placed a comforting arm around his shoulders. A moment of silence passed before he continued, "I'll come back when you wake up, okay?"

After they'd left, Rebecca gazed at the door fondly, "It's nice to see Dick made friends in his time here. He'll be sad to leave them but it's for the best. He needs to go home."

Bruce's eyebrows furrowed as he said, "He can come visit"

Rebecca whirled on him instantly, "No, he can't. Are you serious right now?" She looked him up and down in disdain, "I don't suppose you mean just to visit his friends?"

Bruce set his jaw, "I want to be able to see him, Rebecca."

"No." Her tone was final and there was fire in her eyes but Bruce had a fire of his own.

"I have missed more than 8 years if my son's life and if you think that I plan on losing anymore-"

She interjected before he could finish, "Actually, that's exactly what I plan on you doing. You weren't interested in 'seeing him' before you knew he was your son. Now suddenly, because he's a Wayne-"

Fury ignited inside Bruce at her implication that he only cared about Dick because he was his son. "I didn't think I had a right to see him." So he hadn't asked because what right would he - the man who had pushed Dick away for a large part of the time they'd been together - possibly have? "Now I do."

And he'd changed, he was aware he still had a long way to go - even now, he still had amends to make - but he was willing to try.

Rebecca gave him a cold glare, "Bruce, you hold no rights to that boy."

Bruce shot back a glare of his own, "My blood says otherwise."

"Listen Bruce, the thing about kids? They need stability in their lives. Either you're there for them or you're not but in both cases, you need to be consistent. Because if you aren't, you destroy the kid. And that's exactly what you've been doing!"

"I'm not blind, Bruce. As soon as I got here, I could see that Dick was uncomfortable around you and I thought, 'Well at least Bruce picked a side'. But then Dick woke up and the first person he looked for was you. I don't know what happened these last few months but at some point you were there for him. Then—I'm guessing when you found about his lies—you flipped your switch to uncaring. You can't do that! And if you won't choose a side, then I will … stay out of my nephew's life."

"I know I made a mistake-"

Rebecca gaped at incredulously, "A mistake? Bruce, look around you! All you've done is cause your son pain – Dick almost died because of something he would've never been exposed to if you didn't parade around Gotham dressed as a bat. And then you top on emotional pain above everything else…" Rebecca shook her head, "Just stay away."

And Bruce wished he could deny her accusation, he wished she didn't have a point.

But she did.

/0\0/0\0/0\

When Dick finally joined the land of the living for longer than five minutes, he was pretty sure he'd already awoken like four or five times. His aunt had been there the whole time but Bruce…

Dick had thought he'd seen him the first time but he was starting to think his foggy brain had just imagined it all. Bruce definitely wasn't here right now.

Aunt Becca offered him a cup of water with a straw and a reassuring smile. Dick did his best to smile back and took a sip.

He was fine. And also dumb for thinking that because he'd gotten pretty sick, Bruce would actually be in here with him. While he still wasn't sure of all the details of said sickness, he knew it'd been serious enough to bring him to the watchtower (because where else was he going to see a view of space this real?).

Regardless, Bruce was absent and it was fine.

He leaned his head back on the pillows and sighed.

His aunt nudged him, "What's wrong, bud?"

He shrugged, "Nothing,"

Aunt Becca frowned at him but instead of pressing the issue, she said, "Would you like to speak to your friend? Conner, I believe his name was?"

At this Dick's eyes lit up and he nodded enthusiastically.

His aunt chuckled, "Okay then, give me a second," she stood, "He should be a couple rooms over."

Not even a minute after she'd left, the door burst open and Conner ran in. His face broke out into a grin as he saw Dick sitting up, "You're awake!"

Dick grinned back, "Nope, I'm asleep with my eyes open."

Conner rolled his eyes and bounded forward, "Whatever, Mr. Smart Comeback,"

"I am smart, thank you!"

"Sure"

"No, really, I am."

"Well I'm smarter."

"Conner, you do realize I skipped a grade, right? At a private school."

At Conner's put out glare, Dick burst out laughing. After a minute, the other boy joined him.

After they finally calmed down, Dick decided to ask about his sickness. He hadn't wanted to ask his aunt because he knew she wouldn't tell him much and considering she had yet to come back, he was going take advantage of the opportunity and ask Conner.

"Um, so what was wrong with me?"

The easy grin slipped off his friend's face and Dick started thinking that maybe this wasn't a good idea. But no adult was going to tell him the whole truth in an attempt 'to protect him' or whatever… expect maybe Bruce because the man just plain blunt but that obviously wasn't an option.

He knew Conner would.

Conner shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he began to explain, "You were losing blood, like not through an injury or something, but because your blood cells were getting destroyed in your body. Bruce called my dad when they were going to bring you here and because it was so last minute, my dad had to bring me too."

His expression somehow became more sad, "It was scary, Dick. You were like chalk white and and your aunt was freaking out and everybody was running around trying to get you situated."

Dick opened his mouth to stop him because it was obvious it bothered Conner to talk about this and yeah, that made sense because Dick would hate to see Conner almost die and then have to talk about it but Conner continued to talk, seemingly wanting to just let it all out.

"It got worse because they were suddenly talking about a blood transfusion only to find out there wasn't any available blood. Wally's uncle was about to go to nearby blood bank when Bruce suddenly showed up," At this, a small smile settled on Conner's face, "And his blood was the the same type as yours… isn't that crazy? You got the blood transfusion and I guess they figured out a cure because you got better."

He stopped and looked at Dick directly in the eyes, "But you better not get sick like that again, okay? You're not allowed to."

Dick shakily laughed, "Okay. Sorry for scaring you."

"S'okay, at least you're better now," Conner said.

"I guess"

There was small silence before Conner spoke again and this time he was the one with the hard questions. "Your Aunt's back… does that mean you're leaving soon?"

Dick bit his lip before answering, "Yeah"

"Oh. Wait-"Conner's eyebrows scrunched up together as he though, "Whenever you were at the cave, you knew you were gonna leave, didn't you?"

"Conner, I-"

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" His expression was so hurt as he asked, "Were you just gonna leave without saying goodbye?"

"I wanted to say goodbye, I was going to but then I just… I couldn't. I'm sorry."

"Why not?"

"Because I wasn't ready to say goodbye." Dick shrugged helplessly, "I'm still not."

Conner expression slowly cleared and he nodded, "I get it - I don't want to say goodbye either."

Dick smiled sadly, "I'll miss you,"

"Me too"

Conner's sad look was back so Dick held out his fist and grinned as cheerfully as he could, "Best bros?"

Conner smiled a little and bumped it with his own fist, "Best bros"

The door opened and both boys turned to see who had entered. It was Clark and behind him… Bruce.

Clark smiled at Dick and asked, "How are you holding up, Dick?"

Dick shrugged, "I'm doing good, I guess."

"That's great," Clark's expression suddenly became more somber as he said"We're really going to miss you when you leave though,"

"Me too," Dick said softly.

"You know, what? I bet you can come-"

Bruce suddenly shot him a glare so dark Clark stopped speaking. They both engaged in what Dick assumed was a silent argument but he didn't even try and read it.

Because Clark had been about to tell him he could visit and Bruce had glared at him… Bruce didn't want him coming back.

"Um," At Dick's voice, both men turned to look at him, "I'm actually kind of tired so if you wouldn't mind…" he trailed off.

"Oh, of course." Clark said,

Conner for his part looked at him with concern so Dick put his hands together and tilted his head to the side in a traditional sleep gesture, crossing his eyes as he did so. Conner smiled before waving and following his dad outside.

The lights turned off and the darkness allowed Dick the freedom of letting his tears fall. He tugged his covers up and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fall asleep before his crying became worse.

The tears continued to stubbornly fall though and Dick swallowed a sob. It was okay, it was okay… it was okay.

ooo

He was allowed to return the the manor the next day as he was apparently on the road to a full recovery. His aunt was with him most of the time but it seemed like Bruce couldn't even stand being in the same room as him.

Before, Bruce had either ignored him or acted completely indifferent but now it was as if his body language was speaking through a megaphone and clearly saying, "I don't want you here."

And sure, nothing new there... even if before the whole shebang with his aunt happened he'd thought that maybe, maybe...

But even after the that happened, Bruce still hadn't acted like this! What had happened?

So when Mia came to visit him one day, he knew it was his chance to get some answers. It took a bit of work but eventually she relented. And Dick wished she hadn't.

Because his Aunt had told Bruce that Dick was his son... and that had led to Bruce's change in behavior.

(Was it really such an awful thing to have Dick as a son?)

Apparently, it was. Something inside Dick's chest broke and and his breath hitched as he came to his realization.

He and Mia sat in silence for a few minutes before she pulled him into a tight hug and whispered, "I'm sorry."

But Dick didn't cry. He just squeezed his eyes shut and held it all in.

After she left, he quietly got up his bed and walked over to his shelf to get his Rubik's cube. He sat back down and proceeded to begin solving it, the puzzle distracting him from the ache inside him. With an intense determination, he twisted and turned it oder and over, unwilling to leave it unsolved.

And finally, all the sides were the same color. For the first time ever, he'd been able to solve it. He hadn't given up and he'd actually been able to do it! A shaky grin spread itself across his face as he took in his accomplishment. Then, drip, drip, drip.

He blinked in surprise at the drops on the surface of the cube and gingerly touched his cheeks only for his fingers to come back wet. The tears continued to fall and suddenly his whole face crumpled. With a sob, he launched the Rubik's cube across the room and sank to his knees.

It wasn't fair!

... It wasn't.

/0\0/0\0/0\

Bruce was in the middle of his meeting when his secretary stuck her head into the room, an apologetic expression upon her face. "Mr. Wayne? I apologize for the interruption but your butler is on the line and he is quite insistent that he speak to you."

Before she was even done speaking, Bruce stood. He offered a polite smile at those in the room, said, "Excuse me for a moment," and quickly followed Mrs. Lacy out the door.

He took the offered phone with a grateful smile and moved to stand in a corner. He took a second to brace himself – if Alfred was calling the office it was because he couldn't reach Bruce through his personal phone and usually when that was the case, it meant Bruce was in the middle of something really important. If Alfred was interrupting that…

He sighed and placed the phone to his ear, "Alfred?"

"Ah, Master Bruce, thank heavens! I am deeply sorry for the interruption but Miss Rebecca has just informed me that she intends to leave for the Gotham Airport in approximately two hours. Apparently, she booked a commercial flight," despite you offering to let her use your private jet or at least pay for the flight went unsaid.

Bruce sighed an ran a hand over his face, "I see,"

"I wished to inform you so you could come and say your farewells."

And it seemed like a rock sank in Bruce's stomach, "I can't, Alfred."

"Master Bruce, you may never see that boy again. Will you not reconsider?"

"It's not that, it's just I'm in the middle of finalizing a merger and if it goes wrong, thousands could end up losing their jobs, some being the only source of income for their families. I can't, Alfred."

Because apparently, Rebecca refused to even allow him saying goodbye to Dick. In the end though, maybe it would actually result the better. It was definitely a more favorable outcome than Bruce having the chance to say goodbye and not doing it. Which considering everything…

"Very well, sir."

The call ended and with it Bruce's mask was set in place. He gave the phone back to Mrs. Lacy with a simple nod before going back to the room, his face seemingly composed.

And if he lost his patience faster than usual or became an even fiercer shark while negotiating or growled when one of the members wasn't on board with an idea… well maybe he wasn't as composed as everyone seemed to think.

A couple of painful hours later, the merger was complete. Bruce glanced at his watch but what was the use? The two hour deadline had come and gone a while ago. He sighed and went to leave but was stopped when Lucius came up to him and said "Everything alright, Bruce?"

And what was Bruce supposed to say? No everything's not alright, I'm a horrible person and an even worse father? Was he supposed to say, I distance myself from others so I don't get attached but in the end I do anyway? Was he supposed to say, I'm pretty sure my son hates me or will eventually grow up hating me and he was every right to?

What was he supposed to say?

That he'd broken a kid's trust in him and that he screwed up everything he touched? That a little boy had managed to worm himself inside Bruce's heart but when things became tough, Bruce acted like he hadn't?

Was that was he was supposed to say?

Instead he looked up and said, "Everything's fine, Lucius."

The man seemed like he wanted to say something else but in the end only sighed with resignation, "Alright"

When he arrived it at the manor, there wasn't a little boy to greet him. And even though there hadn't been one for the past week, this time it was different. Because before, Bruce would know that he could go upstairs and Dick would still be there; now he was gone and he wasn't coming back.

Despite everything, he found himself discarding his briefcase and standing inside Dick's room moments later. And it was as if the kid was still there.

Everything Bruce had bought him - all the clothes and the toys - remained in their place. The boy had only taken what he'd arrived with.

Bruce sighed and sank onto the bed only to narrow his eyes at the paper he rustled. At first glance it was just a piece of notebook paper folded in half but when he opened it, a blank envelope was revealed.

And so was the messy scrawl on the notebook paper:

Hi Bruce

The envlope has a letter from my mom that's for you. I don't know what it says, just that it's for you. I figured you deserved this much after all my lies.

I'm sorry.

I know you found out that you're my... you know.

I'm so sorry.

I know you're mad and I am so so sorry.

I shouldn't have lied - I shouldn't have even come here!

But you still took care of me so thanks for that. Bye.

- Dick

Bruce blinked hard at Dick's goodbye letter and forced himself to look at the envelope instead. It was from Mary...

He opened it and began to read.

Dear Bruce,

I have no idea how many times I've written this and never finished. Each time I start the words just seem to leave but I know need to press forward this time. You deserve that much, our child deserves that much.

Yes, Bruce, we have a child - a son. His name is Richard 'Dick' John Grayson and he is the sweetest boy any mother could ever ask for. He carries his heart on his sleeve, not like his father who hides it behind thick stone walls. But nonetheless, he's still so much like you; brave, kind, smart, and oh so stubborn. He's athletic and simply adores soccer, so very much like you did. He has your black hair and handsome looks, I know he'll be a real ladies man when he grows up, just like his father.

Forgive me for not telling you when I found out - for leaving instead - but I just didn't know what else to do. I knew you wanted to make a change in Gotham in a way only you would think to do and I also knew that because of that, you wouldn't have time for a family. The truth is we would just have been a burden to you but you would've stuck with us either way. And I knew that no matter what I wanted, the greater good was more important so I called things off between us.

Afterwards I had no idea what I should do… that was when I met John Grayson. He was an acrobat at Haley's Circus and what better way to disappear tha to join the circus? And so that's what I did. Then I had Dick – a tiny little thing born two months early – and John was kind enough to let me put him down as the father on Dick's birth certificate. He also let me use his last name so I could change my own name as well. For the next two years things went pretty good, I was adapting well to life as an acrobat thanks to my gymnastics roots and Dick was growing up into a cute and healthy baby.

That was when John's trailer caught fire - a tragic accident that took his life. I was devastated for a long time after and eventually made up my mind to come back. The next time Haley's Circus came to Gotham I went in search of you, fully intent on telling you about Dick (who was 5 at the time) and maybe beginning anew. But then I found out about well, you know. You'd already set all your plans into motion and even though you'd just began, I could already tell you were making a difference. And so I left it at that.

Now, I write this as preparation for the future. The next time I am able to see Rebecca, I'm going to give her this letter and make her promise that she'll show it to you if anything ever happens to me.

That's why I know that if you are reading this, it must be because I no longer live. Please Bruce, I implore you, please help Dick. He needs you.

With love,

Mary

Bruce had to fight the onslaught of emotions threatening to overwhelm them... she must've never gotten the chance to give the letter to Rebecca before she...

He shook his head before burying it in his hands. Because yeah, Dick had needed him and Bruce- Bruce hadn't been there. He should've tried harder, he shouldn't have let anger blind him, he shouldn't have-

He looked up and a small object near the wall caught his attention. Slowly, he stood and walked closer; the colors flashed-

"Bruce, Bruce!" A yelling nine year old came bounding out of nowhere, holding a Rubik's cube in his hands.

"I can't do it!" He complained, "I've tried over and over and each time it messes up!"

Dick pushed the cube into his face and declared, "Bruce, fix it!"

Bruce wryly rose an eyebrow as he took the offered object and within two minutes, he had it solved.

Dick gaped at him but his eyes were shining with admiration... and Bruce wasn't sure he deserved the admiration of this kid but he had it anyway.

"How'd you do that?!" The kid exclaimed.

"Practice. You have to keep on trying even when you fail... you can't give up."

The boy stretched out his hands and wiggled his fingers, "Okay, okay, let me see!"

Bruce held it out of his reach, "Not until you promise you won't give up."

Dick looked at him seriously, "I won't, I promise!" he said.

Bruce nodded in satisfaction and gave it back to him. The boy immediately messed it up before proceeding to try and solve it. His tongue stuck out in concentration as he twisted the cube over and over and with a small lift of his mouth, Bruce left him to it.

As long as he didn't give up, he'd figure it out.

Bruce grabbed the cube from the floor and studying it - all six sides were the same color.

The kid had done it. He hadn't given up just like he'd promised.

Bruce leaned his back against the wall and slowly lowered himself down.

Staring at the cube in his hands, only one thought ran through his head:

What had he done?

/0\0/0\0/0\

AN: Oops?

(In other news, I got a tumblr! My username is the same one I use here so you can go check it out for updates and/or teasers for future chapters!) (And uh... yeah. Oops. Again. I have a plan! ... *raises eyebrows* Any guesses?)

~LB

#BatScheme #Young Justice #Fanfiction #daddy!bats #I have no idea how to use this thing

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multiphandomunnies · 6 years

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Blackpink reacts: S/O joining the military (Angsty Ending)

Requested: Can you make a blackpink reaction where they got a news where their s/o died because of the military?

Admin: Heather

A/N: It’s a second ending to Blackpink’s S/O in military. I wasn’t sure if you meant for it to be a separate story or another part, but I put it in my small universe. So Blackpink is in love with Y/N, but they are not together anymore. If you want a version with Blackpink and Y/N being together, all you have to do is ask and I’ll happily write another one! Hope you all enjoy this piece of angst. (I’m kinda proud about it)

Jisoo

Three months after the breakup Jisoo was doing fine. She was planning to quit her current job and start working in a nearby library. Her friends were very supportive and tried to set her up on a couple dates, but she always politely declined. Right now, she wanted to focus on her life and find happiness on her own. That was the official version for everyone. Of course Jisoo wanted to build a life, but a couple months wasn’t enough for her to forget about you. She didn’t blame you for anything and was happy that you two ended things like grown-ups. Sometimes the memories would come back, like when she was drinking your favourite coffee or walked around the park near your apartment, but it was always a nice and nostalgic moment. Right now Jisoo was organising her books. She always had an obsession to keep them sorted by authors in alphabetical order. You used to be marveled by her dedication and always said that she should make a living out of it. Now was finally the time for her to follow your advice. A loud ringtone interrupted her moment of peace and she reluctantly picked it up, a little surprised by the name on the screen. “Byul?” It has been a while since she talked to her friend as she was always busy. “Do you know Y/N Y/L/N?” Moonbyul asked immediately. Jisoo blinked in confusion. “Yeah, why are you asking me that?” They weren’t close enough for Moonbyul to know about your relationship. “We were in the same team in military.” she explained and cleared her throat. “Do you know her well? It’s important.” Jisoo didn’t know how to answer that. Your relationship status was complicated. “We were... we are in love.” Moonbyul gasped a little and fell into silence. “I should have known. We found a picture of you under her pillow.” She admit quietly. Something was definitely wrong. “Byul, is everything alright with Y/N?” Moonbyul didn’t respond at first, but after a while she started talking. “Our base got ambushed yesterday. I wasn’t there, but I heard that it was a massacre.” Jisoo’s heart was beating fast and she almost didn’t hear her friend’s words. “She died, Jisoo. They all did.” The phone was dropped on the floor and Jisoo slid on the wall right next to it. She was staring into space frozen and didn’t pay attention to Moonbyul’s concerned voice. You were gone. You will never come back and live your life. You will never hold her in your arms again. You will never smile at any joke. She was okay with you not coming back to her, but not coming back at all? She will never be okay with that.

Jennie

Working with people was a therapeutic experience. Jennie had no time to focus on your failed relationship. Well, maybe the relationship itself was not a total disaster (it wasn’t at all), but your last moments together were the worst minutes of her life. She wouldn’t her you see her break down, but right after you left she burst into tears on the floor. It hurt as hell to even think about losing you and you were standing in front of her, announcing that you might not be back. Jennie felt angry, betrayed and confused. She knew it wasn’t your fault, but she couldn’t forgive you for disappearing like that. It meant changes in her life too and it didn’t seem fair that she had to abruptly rearrange her daily routine and everything. Finding a way to cope was a priority. When Nayeon saw how devasted she was, she found her a job in a coffee shop she was working in. Jennie didn’t want to tell her about the relationship and Nayeon didn’t pressure, but she knew her friend needed help. And there she was, making coffee with a group of awesome girls and finally felt like she could get through life. Even though her heart stung a little when she saw her coworkers Irene and Wendy exchanging shy looks, she believed that it was only temporary. She will move on and maybe even find a girlfriend someday. “Jen, can you take this order to the customer?” Nayeon called from another room. Jennie put down the cup she was washing and moved towards the counter. She scanned the room and noticed that only one customer didn’t anything on his table, so she moved towards him with a smile. He thanked her and moved his hand with a groan. “Excuse me, do you need anything?” Jennie asked politely. “It’s nothing. An old wound from the front.” “Oh, you’re a soldier?” She asked curiously. He seemed very young. “Yeah, got shot two weeks ago. I got better, but my friend Y/N didn’t make it.” His words made Jennie’s blood run cold. “Y/N? She didn’t make it?” The man nodded sadly. “It was a sudden attack, she jumped in front of me and pushed me away. I only got a minor wound, but she had no chance.” “That’s brave.” Jennie whispered and the man smiled a little. “Y/N Y/L/N was definitely brave. You know she dumped her girlfriend before the service? She said she’d rather have that girl hate her than grief if she died.” He stopped and frowned. “It’s sad that it really happened.” Jennie couldn’t say a word and the soldier seemed to notice something was off. “Are you alright? Did you know her by any chance?” he asked and Jennie wiped her face from any emotion. “No.” she whispered, pushing the tears away. “Never heard of her.”

Rosé

Sitting and reading in a café became one of Rosé’s favourite things to do. Maybe because of the great beverages, quiet venue and great service. Or maybe because it used to be your favourite spot to hang out in the afternoons. It felt right to sit there by your favourite table and slowly go through chapter after chapter. Rosé could swear she felt your presence when she spent time here. Almost as if you were sitting next to her and reading the same lines. Maybe it was just the way your minds and souls were connected even if the bodies were so far apart. That’s why she kept telling people that she was taken and couldn’t go on a date with them. Rosé came here almost every day to read and patiently wait for any news from you. One day she got to the café soaking wet and freezing. Rain was pouring heavily and she missed the bus. “I guess you didn’t have a great day?” inquired Sana, her favourite barista and the sweetest person alive. “Could be better.” Rosé admitted and smiled a little as she saw Sana already preparing her favourite tea. “You’re an angel, do you know that?” she said seriously and Sana giggled a little. “That’s sweet, but you still have to pay.” she answered and winked at Rosé. “Sit down and get warm, I will bring you your tea when it’s ready.” She didn’t have to tell her twice, Rosé took her usual spot and started looking for the book in her bag. In the meantime Sana brought her drink and turned up the TV to hear the news. “Two soldiers were killed in the explosion that occurred in the morning. Kang Daniel and Y/N Y/L/N unfortunately didn’t make it.” Rosé choked on her drink and glued her eyes to the screen. You couldn’t be gone. She was sure you two could reunite. It was meant to happen. You were meant to happen. Tears were streaming down her face as she struggled to breathe. How could she when all air just got sucked out from her lungs. What even was the point of waiting? What was she waiting for? That was exactly what you were warning her about. That you could never come back. The tea didn’t taste warm anymore. It felt like acid on her tongue, but she forced herself to swallow it. Every sip, bite or breath would be painful from now on. “Chaeyoung?” she heard Sana’s voice and suddenly she was sobbing into her apron. The girl was holding her, but didn’t say anything. It’s not like Rosé would hear her. She couldn’t even hear her heartbeat. Maybe because of the stress. Or maybe because her heart just died.

Lisa

The music stopped and Lisa struck a final pose. She was practicing a new routine and it was far from perfect. Joining a dance group was the best decision she could make, but it required a lot of work. They still had two months till the performance, but Lisa didn’t even think about stopping before she was satisfied with the results. She promised herself that she would never leave any matter unfinished. Last time she did that was when you parted ways and it still bothered her to this day. Lisa thought that not saying goodbye would be better for both of you. At first she was assured it was a good decision as she didn’t feel any pain from the official break up. After a couple weeks the emptiness came and started swallowing her daily life. No amount of work, fun and hanging out with friends could fix that. Even the busiest day ended with her coming back to the empty apartment and trying to ignore the silence hanging in the air. Lisa didn’t realise earlier that no goodbyes meant no last memory to hold on to. Lack of closure made everything worse as it felt as if you could just walk through her door and join her on the couch. But you didn’t and she had no idea if you ever would. Your relationship was technically over, but she still felt uneasy when other people tried to flirt with her. The unsolved issue between you two made her dangling and chasing any stability. Only thing that kept her grounded was her dancing, but now her muscles were burning which meant it was time to take a break. Lisa looked at her phone and started answering the texts from her friends. A couple party invitations, reminders about schedule and casual messages. But one notification made her curious. It was from the news website she subscribed a long time ago. The post was about a car accident near some airport. Apparently a group of soldiers died in the crash and a few others were injured. Lisa winced at the graphic description, but then she scrolled the photos of the victims and froze. There was the face she knew too well. Your face with your name below. She frantically scrolled back to see if maybe you were just injured, but it was very clear that you died in that accident. Lisa’s legs were already tired from practicing and now she collapsed completely, but didn’t really care. She didn’t even try to stop the tears from streaming. Your face staring at her from the screen was like a painful reminder that she won’t be able to forget. You two will always be unfinished business.

#kpop #blackpink #kpop reactions #blackpink reactions #blackpink reacts #angst #blackpink angst

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spaghetticonfettiregretti-blog · 5 years

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Here are 50 questions answered mediocrely (if at all) for me to get to know myself.

1. What moment changed your life forever?

It’s really hard for me to think of one specific moment that stands out as changing my life as I knew it forever. Obviously there are events that have happened sporadically over the years that have impacted me but nothing really jumps out as being something that seemed to alter the course of my life dramatically. With that being said, the one moment for me that time has a definite “before” and “after” was when my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It was August 2015, and until that point I had only really had friends who’s parents had battled cancer or had known distantly other people who had had it so it never really felt like something real and tangible to me, it was just something that was devastating but only happened to other people or in movies. I got the phone call from my mum when dad was on the operating table and once she said that they were pretty sure it was cancer it was like a bomb went off. All of a sudden this thing that didn’t happen to us was real and happening and I had no idea how to emotionally deal with it other than to lock myself in my college room and cry. That was probably the moment when life began to feel real, and confronting, and scary so I would say that that was probably the moment that changed my life forever. So far.

2. What does your ideal day look like?

My ideal day would be to wake up early in some cool and rainy town, take my dogs for a walk along the beach, stopping somewhere to get coffee. I would go home and tend to whatever other animals I’ve accumulated while my partner makes breakfast for us both before they leave to work. I would have a home office and be doing either home counselling or maybe even something to do with beauty therapy - or both - and I would love it and feel proud of my work. Possibly catch up with friends in the evening, with lots of wine and lots of music. I think that would be nice.

3. What is your favourite book/movie/show/song and why?

My favourite book would be the Mortal Instruments series purely because I loved them so much as a teenager. I fell in love with the characters and the world and the action and it really got me through the stressful shit heap that was high school.

Favourite movie at the moment would probably be Interstellar. That was the only movie that has left me speechless in my entire life so kudos to that.

Favourite show currently is Umbrella Academy. I watched season one once and I’m hooked already.

Favourite song literally changes all the time. Currently keen on Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon by Urge Overkill.

4. What are you most afraid of?

Something happening to my family or friends without the chance for me to say goodbye or telling them that I love and appreciate them so much and they are my everything. That would kill me inside. I’m also terrified that I won’t live up to any of the expectations I have for myself or that everyone else seems to have of me. Or that I’ll forever feel as though I’m just floating through life with no real purpose or sense of direction. The thought of feeling like that for the rest of my life terrifies me.

5. What are you most proud of?

Probably the things I achieved as a kid, being smart and curious and studious and loving to learn. Sometimes I really want to go back and just watch younger me be her little nerd self and tell her that she’s the bomb and she shouldn’t ever let that fire go out. If I had to pick something about current me I think it would be that I can be trusted. People open up to me and tell me their secrets and I can lock them away in the vault.

6. What is something that you cannot live without?

My close family, and close friends. Also my phone at the moment, I think i’ve got a mild addiction which I need to work on.

7. What do you wish you did more of?

Open up. Speak the truth. Experience emotions. Establish boundaries. Eat. Actually converse with myself. Exercise. Tell people they’re doing a great job and that I’m proud of them. Tell my parents I appreciate and love them. Read. Say no. Have original thoughts and ideas. Stand up for others. Put myself outside of my comfort zone. Say what’s on my mind.

8. What's a hobby that you wish you could do?

Blog. Or paint. Or play an instrument well.

9. What's your favourite part of your life right now?

I honestly don’t think I have a favourite part of my life right now. I’m feeling very ambivalent towards it all. Which is why I really hope this experience with getting my emotions out there will help to some degree.

10. Where do you see yourself in five years from now?

I honestly don’t know. I will be turning 27. Holy craaap. Hopefully I would have followed up with counselling study or found something that actually sets my soul on fire and all that. Hopefully I’m happy, or at least content.

11. What makes you laugh?

Stupid things on the internet and fart jokes. Nonsensical conversations always get me too.

12. Who is the one person that you can call, no matter what happens to you?

My mum, of course. But honestly I’ve been in a few situations where I’ve felt completely helpless and like my world was falling apart and that there was literally no one I could turn to. Obviously my friends would all be there for me in a heartbeat but I’ve just never felt comfortable opening up to them or contacting them when that happens so I think that’s something that I need to work on. That’s obviously me not being willing to open up and actually acknowledge that there’s a problem or situation in my life that I need to address - but go me for realising this? Progress, woo!

13. If you could go back and change one part of your life, what would it be and why?

I really would like to go back and make me a little shit of a child. Well not too much of a little shit but a kid who wasn’t so afraid to get in trouble, I feel as though the kids who were cheeky and naughty are actually pretty well rounded? Maybe that’s the wrong way to phrase it but they definitely seem to not give so much of a damn which I could use. I’ve always been so afraid to get in trouble or to do things wrong and that has really followed me through to adulthood.

14. If you could make one change in the world, what would it be?

Wake people up to the planet dying and actually get them to make changes to their behaviour.

15. What is something you feel passionate about?

Literally nothing. I’m an emotional void. I’m hoping that this is just a thyroid problem or something...

16. What is your dream career?

Something where I can be my own boss. But I also have this innate desire (need?) to help people so it would have to be something that fulfils that, which is why I’m thinking counsellor.

17. What piece of advice would you give to your younger self?

Don’t be so afraid to balls things up! Get in trouble! Fall over and hurt yourself! Don’t take yourself too seriously and stop wanting to grow up so fast. You know what you love doing, make sure you keep doing it and don’t stop loving it! Because now my passions have been vacuum sealed and I have no idea what I love. Also don’t be afraid to tell dad to shove it.

18. When was the last time you did something that you were afraid of?

The fact that I can’t remember means too long.

19. What do you do to relax?

Netflix. Which I know is not sustainable. I really need to get into exercise or reading.

20. What's a long shot that you have taken that has paid off?

Let myself fall in love.

21. What are you tired of hearing about?

How much of a worthless heap I am and that I’m doing nothing with my life. Or hearing about how my life will sort itself out.

22. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why?

To not be a coward.

23. Who has completely lost your respect?

I don’t think anyone has completely lost it but there are definitely people who are not at all who I thought they were and I wouldn’t lose sleep over them not being in my life anymore.

24. What do you hope never changes?

My ability to not get hangovers.

I guess the stability and privilege of my life as well (as much as I talk trash about it), though you don’t grow unless you’re outside of your comfort zone so they say.

25. Where is your favourite place to visit?

Home. Literally the walls of my childhood house with my mum, dad, and Charlie. That’s where my heart is.

26. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

Somewhere cool and rainy would do me nicely. I’m not too fussed beyond that. Though I would feel extremely guilty leaving my mum.

27. What is something that you would make a scene in public about?

I’m such a little bitch so probably nothing. Unless it was something very extreme.

28. What are you most afraid to lose?

Family. Friends. Body parts. Sentimental items. Charlie.

29. What are you most insecure about?

I blush way too easily, even when I’m not even remotely embarrassed, which I honestly think is why I’m such an introverted social spud. It’s pretty much developed into a phobia so I always make sure I avoid situations where something could happen to make me turn into a tomato. It literally makes me want to die. And my nose is huge. I also have this feeling that nothing I say is original or that I have my own ideas so I often feel as though I have nothing to contribute to conversations which I hate. I also feel as though if I do contribute and it’s something stupid or wrong i’ll blush and then want to die. It’s a vicious cycle.

30. What chance of fate changed your life forever?

Probably just meeting all the people that I have in this world of 7 billion.

31. What is something you regret doing?

Way too many things.

32. What is the best and worst thing about getting older?

Having more life experience. Having your body betray you.

33. What part of your life do you miss the most?

Having feelings and emotions and passion about things. Also being young and not having any real awareness or responsibility.

34. If you could go back and fix a relationship with someone, who would it be and why?

A few boys from my past who I didn’t end things well with. I needed to be straight up and honest and I wasn’t and that hurt them.

35. What's the hardest lesson you have learned?

Always tell the truth, even if it hurts at the time it’s so much better than lying to someone. Also that people don’t care about others as much as you do so watch your back. And you’re getting old so look after your body!

36. What do you do to feel "alive"?

Alcohol.

37. What's the most exhilarating thing you have done?

Probably just nights out, when you’re pretty wasted and you’re able to do dumb shit like a proper delinquent. It’s exhilarating because you don’t really worry about any of the consequences you just act on impulse and that is such a refreshing feeling. Even if you feel like pure shite and regret the dumb stuff the next day. I wish there was just some switch you could flick in your brain that let you feel the same way without completely incapacitating you like alcohol does.

38. What inspires you?

People who are passionate and believe things down to their core. And who aren’t afraid to speak up and stand up and get shit done. Pretty much everything I am not is what gets me going.

39. What do you believe is a "good life"?

Being happy, or content. And finding something that gives your life meaning or purpose and doing that.

40. What do you take for granted?

Everything. I’m going through a selfish phase too which I really need to work on. But probably the thing that does bug me about myself is the crazy access I have to education that I am in no way harnessing or using in my favour. That is a fucking privilege that I am wasting. I feel like because it’s something that has always been there and provided for me and I never had to fight for it that I’ve just taken it for granted my whole life.

41. What risks do you believe are worth taking?

Anything that will challenge you and that you can learn from. Life is experience.

42. What was the hardest loss you have ever experienced?

Pets.

43. Was there ever a point where you felt like giving up, but didn't?

My mind instantly went to cross country events, my lord. There have been a few times where I’ve felt like I couldn’t go on and have which always feels good.

44. What are some events in your life that made you who you are?

I honestly don’t think I’ve had many profound events. I really should work on that.

45. What is your favourite season, and why?

Winter because it’s cold and rainy straight up.

46. What do you spend most time thinking about?

Life and the universe. What i’m wasting it all on. The usual.

47. Where would you spend all your time if you could?

A bookstore.

48. What qualities do you admire about others?

Courage, bravery, honesty, integrity, accountability, vulnerability, openness, conscientiousness, compassion, and empathy.

49. What was your closest close call?

Almost got abducted as a kid in Melbourne. That was pretty close.

50. If you died today, how would you want to be remembered?

Someone who made people laugh and who had a bright future. That way I won’t let anyone down by not having one.

All of these questions are taken from: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/50-questions-ask-yourself

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katelides · 6 years

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Bechloe Week Day 4: Why?

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13011277/1/Bechloe-Week-2018

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15404181/chapters/35751621

Bechloe Week Day 4: Why?

“I can’t believe you’re actually hanging out with that freak.” Alice says with a disgusted tone. “She’s actually not that bad.” Chloe tries to defend Beca Mitchell, the tiny alternative DJ she has had a crush on since forever, the little brunette she had kissed the previous night. “You’re lucky that we actually need her to DJ at the dance, thank our lucky stars she’s a decent DJ.” Aubrey can see the conflicted look in her best friend’s eyes. She has known that Chloe has had a crush on the DJ since she moved here 3 years ago. Sadly the brunette was shunned into exile by the popular girls so Chloe never really go the chance to get to know her, until the dance that was.

Chloe want’s to protest the leader of the group but quickly shuts her mouth when Alice starts speaking again. “Good call in trying to seduce her to DJ for free, I knew you had it in you Beale.” Chloe meekly nods her head. “I’ve got to give it to you Beale, I never thought you’d have the guts to do it.” Clair another semi leader of the group chimes in. “I guess being able to manipulate a scrawny senior isn’t as hard as you make it seem.” Chloe says in her most fake voice she can muster, almost being in pain having to say the sentence.

Beca is almost in tears, staring at the one person she thought she could trust, the one person that would never hurt her. How could Chloe betray her so badly, toy with her emotions as if it was nothing. The worst part was that the redhead never had the chance to see the brunette in the door opening. If only she had seen the broken expression on the young DJ’s face she could have fixed this. She never even realised anything had happened until she heard the door slam shut behind her.

Chloe turns around with a start and lets out a soft ‘oh no’ before running after the brunette. Aubrey quickly follows her best friend because she knows she’ll need it. Chloe really messed up and even Aubrey knew that the brunette wouldn’t forgive her easily. According to Beca’s best friend the DJ didn’t trust many people and Chloe is one of the biggest exceptions so after what she had heard just now it would be a miracle if she ever spoke to Chloe again.

It takes them a few minutes to actually catch up with the brunette, Aubrey a few paces behind to give the two some space. “Beca... Beca please wait, please!” Chloe shouts after the brunette but gets ignored completely. If it wasn’t for Beca trying to unlock her bike Chloe wouldn’t have caught up to her. “Beca please you have to believe me, I didn’t mean any of that stuff.” The only reaction the redhead gets is a scoff. “Please let me expla-”

“No, you don’t have to explain Chloe, I heard enough back there.” Beca snaps, really holding back the tears. “Out of all the people that could have done shit to me, you were the last one I’d expected it from.” Chloe wants to take a step closer but Beca instantly takes a step back. “Do you even realise how much it hurts me when I hear people talk about me, you... us? But every time I pushed it aside and actually believed your words.” Beca clears her throat trying to find some stability yet not being able to stop one stray tear from rolling down her cheek, quickly wiping it away.

“I know I hurt you Beca but you have to bel-” Once again Beca cuts the redhead off. “You don’t even know why I’m angry Chloe, it wasn’t about all the things you said that might have been true or all the things you said that might have been lies. You don’ t even realise how badly you hurt me, I’m angry because you’re the first person ever that made me cry.” Chloe can’t stop her own tears from flowing down her cheeks. “Why Chloe, why did you do it in the first place? Why did you say it?” Beca whispers in such a pained tone that it’s enough for Chloe to break down. “I-I can’t do this anymore, this is goodbye...”

Beca doesn’t look back when she steps on her bike. It’s only when she knows she’s far enough she lets her tears flow freely. The last 3 weeks of school were going to be pure hell for her but it won’t stop her from following her dream of going to LA, now nothing could get in her way.

Aubrey slowly walks up to her best friend who had fallen to her knees when the brunette had ridden of on her bike. She has no idea how to calm her best friend down, she had never seen her this heart broken. “I love her Bree and I fucked up, I need her.” Aubrey’s heart shatters into a million pieces. Her best friend was dead serious and there was no denying it after the f-bomb she just dropped. “We’ll fix this Chlo, I don’t know how but I know we will.” First I need to find out where she lives.

-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,

Aubrey rings the doorbell to a tiny house that is supposed to belong to the Mitchells. Surely a few minutes the door opens with a loud creak. “What the hell are you doing here?” The blonde isn’t completely surprised by the reaction she just got. “I need to talk to you.” She calmly says. “If you’re worried about the stupid dance don’t worry I’ll still do it.” The blonde shakes her head. “No, it’s not about the dance. It’s about Chloe.”

Beca tries to slam the door in Aubrey’s face but fails when the blonde puts her foot in between. “Please, I only need 5 minutes, I’m begging you.” Beca lets out a sarcastic chuckle. “Never thought I’d hear Posen beg.” With a heavy sigh Beca opens the door again and lets Aubrey inside. “How did you even find me?” She asks as Aubrey makes her way into the living room. “Being the head of the student council has its perks.” Aubrey answers with a shrug.

“Ok, anyway... do you want some lemonade? I just made some.” Aubrey cocks her eye brow in surprise. “Yes Posen, I’m not that hopeless as you might think.” The blonde casts her eyes down in embarrassment. “Besides, I know this is going to take more that 5 minutes so you might as well make yourself comfortable.” The blonde looks up in surprise. “I uhm I guess some lemonade does sound nice.” Beca rolls her eyes. “Do you want something to eat as well?”

Aubrey shakes her head but quickly realises that Beca can’t see it from the kitchen. “No thank you, that’s nice of you to offer though.” Beca returns with a pitcher and two glasses. “I’m actually not sure why you’re here though, I know that Chloe is your best friend and all but I thought you’d be happy that she won’t be hanging out with me any more.” Beca says casually as if today never happened. “That’s where you’re wrong. Ever since you moved to town 3 years ago Chloe has had a crush on you, and you have no idea how excited she was when she got the task to talk to you about being the DJ at the dance. She saw this as the perfect opportunity to get to know you.”

Beca sighs. “Look, I don’t care whether she had or has a crush on me. Today she betrayed my trust and that’s something I hold very high. What she said today really hurt my feelings, I didn’t expect her to admit anything to you guys but I at least hoped she would stand up for me a little.” Aubrey nods her head. “I guess she never really cared as much as she made me believe. You can tell her not to worry about the dance, I won’t bail on you guys but I don’t want to talk to her.”

“Isn’t there anything she can do to make it up to you?” Beca shakes her head. “This wouldn’t have worked anyway, she’s the most popular girl in school and I’m the outcast, I’m still surprised you’re here at all.” Aubrey rolls her eyes. “That doesn’t mean I don’t like you.” Beca raises her brow challengingly. “Ok, I used to hate you but ever since Chloe got to know you and I heard her talk about you I started to hate you less and less.” Beca rolls her eyes with a smirk. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me Posen.” Aubrey chuckles. “I guess you’re not half as bad as I thought’d be.”

“Alright, now you’re just being mushy.” Beca says with a growl. “I guess that now were on these awkward ‘I have no idea what we are’ terms I should warn you about Bumper.” Aubrey raises her brow questioningly. “I heard her wants to throw water balloons at the cheerleaders when you enter the ballroom.” Aubrey’s jaw drops. “That little rat.” Beca chuckles. “I know he’s your brother and all but I thought I’d let you know so you can save yourself and Chloe.”

Aubrey smiles genuinely for once. “Never thought that I would ever say these words but... thank you Mitchell, you’re a great person and Chloe would be damn lucky to have you in her life, I just hope you’ll give her a chance to make it up to you.” Beca lets out a sigh. “Like I said before Posen, she broke my trust and it will take more than an apology to fix this.” The blonde hums in agreement. “I understand, I’m just asking for you to listen to her when you’re ready.”

Beca agrees and shows Aubrey out the door. “Oh and Mitchell?” The brunette hums to show that she heard the blonde. “That lemonade was aca-awesome.” Beca frown at the ace prefix. “Oh god it’s contagious.” She semi jokes. “Shut it Mitchell, you find it charming when Chloe does it, don’t deny it.” Beca just shrugs her shoulders. The mention of the redhead’s name still send chills down her spine.

-,-,-,-,-,-

1 WEEK LATER

It’s prom night, all the seniors are arriving in their hired limousines and fancy tuxes and dresses. The popular kids are showing off while the nerds make sure no one sees them. Beca looks around the different social groups and rolls her eyes. She hates the big school events and if it wasn’t for her DJ-ing that night she would have probably stayed home. The brunette checks her watch and sees that the playlist she put up was almost at it’s end, which of course meant that she had to go do her thing.

Beca walks back into the gym and makes a beeline to her little set up. They put her on a platform so she could look over the crowd with a little stage next to her where the huge king and queen announcement would be made later that night. “Mitchell...” Beca internally growls as she hears Alice shout her name over the music. She slowly turns around to face the other girl. “What do you want?” She asks in between gritted teeth. “First you need to clean up your attitude and second you’ll need to change.”

The brunette looks down at her outfit. It’s a black pantsuit with a white semi corset underneath that really showed off her assets. Not that she cared or anything but she though that at least once she could look decent. “First of all, you have no taste in music so I’m going to ignore you and second you can go fuck yourself, have you even seen what you’re wearing? It looks like something died on you.” Without giving the other girl a chance to say anything else, Beca turns around and climbs up to her place for the rest of the evening.

The evening is pretty slow at first but 2 hours in and the party is fully in place. Beca had received many compliments from many of her classmates and others who she had never even seen before. She had seen Jesse and Benji dance in a corner, Stacie flirting with the entire football team and a girl named Fat Amy or at least that what she was told pour something in the punch.

When the room grows quiet, except for the music playing, Beca knows something’s up. She looks up from her laptop and her stops breathing for a second. Chloe walks in with a guy named Chicago at her arm. They looked like the perfect couple, except they never dated. The redhead looked amazing in her navy blue gown that flowed around her, making her look like she floated on air. Beca can see the fake smile in the girl’s face and the pain in her eyes.

The two girls lock eyes for just a brief moment but that moment was enough for both to realise how empty they are without the other. They had already known before but now, seeing each other at what is supposed to be the most memorable night of their high school lives it really hit them hard.

Chloe is the first one to break the eye contact as she has to say hello to all of her friends. “She misses you.” Beca jumps up at the voice behind her. “Dude, what the hell.” Aubrey lets out a laugh and climbs up to stand next to the DJ. “I know you’re still angry but please talk to her, even if it’s just a second. She needs you, I have never seen her this broken in my life.” Beca sighs. “I can’t promise you anything Posen, but I can tell you one thing, I don’t want the last time I talk to her to be because I hate her.”

Aubrey nods her head and looks down at the crowd. “You’re doing a great job tonight, you really surprised me.” Beca smiles while changing to another track. “I guess I’m full of surprises Posen.” The blonde playfully pushes the brunette before making her way down to her best friend.

20 minutes later the principal walks up the small stage and Beca hands her a microphone. “Students, settle down. I know you’re having fun so I want to do this as short as possible. The prom King this year is... Chicago Walp.” The crowd erupts in loud cheers and some weird chants can be heard from the football team. “As for the... Ok, as for the prom queen...” The principal says while putting a crown on the brunet’s head. “We had 2 nominees and I would like both to com up on stage... Alice Young and Chloe Beale.”

The crowd goes wild and many shout either Chloe’s or Alice’s name. Beca just glares at the black haired girl while trying to avoid Chloe’s eyes. “This year’s prom queen is... oh my, I did not see this coming, the prom queen is ... Chloe Beale, congratulations.” As hard as she might try, Beca can’t help the tiny smile forming on her face. Of course this doesn’t go completely unnoticed by Chloe.

Alice throws her hands up in the air before lunging forward to grab the crown from Chloe. “That’s supposed to be mine!” The girl scream but the minute she even reaches Chloe she gets pulled back by someone who easily pins her down. “Miss Young, I would like to see you in my office... now!” The girl stands up and finally sees who pinned her down. Beca grins as she sees the angry yet defeated look on her greatest enemy’s face. “I will get you for this.” Alice hisses at the brunette before being escorted out of the room by the principle.

“I believe this is yours.” The brunette holds out the crown, slightly higher so she can put in on Chloe’s head. “Thank you.” The redhead whispers gently. “I guess now it’s time for the traditional royal dance. King take your queen away.” Beca retakes her place behind the turning table and waits for the couple to make their way down. Chicago has a funny look on his face and takes a step back. Before anyone can question what’s going on Chloe starts talking.

“I know everyone is probably wondering why we’re not going down to have the first dance, and I will explain right now. Last week I hurt someone I really care about. When she confronted me about it she asked me one thing... Why... why did I say the things I said. I thought about it for a very long time and came to one conclusion...” Chloe finally turns to face Beca who is staring at the redhead with a slacked jaw.

“... Beca, I’m so sorry for what I said, and I know you won’t forgive me but I have to tell you this. I was terrified of what other’s thought of me, I let Alice dictate my life. I would do anything to please her because that’s what I thought I had to do. But when I started hanging out with you, you showed me what it was to be a real person. You made me laugh and actually listened to what I had to say. So my answer to your question... I did it because I was scared to be outcasted but I really couldn’t care less about that if I lose you in the process.”

Beca has no idea what to do or say yet her body decides for her. The brunette walks up to the redhead and wraps her into a long hug. “I don’t want to lose you either.” She whispers quietly and presses a gentle kiss on Chloe’s cheek.

Chicago taps the DJ on her shoulder and looks down at her with a smile. “I won’t be needing this, you’re the queen to our queen.” And he places the crown on Beca’s head which results in the entire gym to cheer. Beca thanks the quarterback and turns to face Chloe again. “Can I have this dance?” She asks the redhead with an insecure smile. “With you, always.” Beca wants to go and put on some music but stops when she sees Luke already in place. “Go have fun Becky, I got you covered.”

The two girls don’t wait for anything else to be said and descend to the middle of the room to have their first dance. Nothing could have been more magical. Or so they thought until they danced their first dance on their wedding day.

#fanfiction #fanfic #bechloe #beca and chloe #beca mitchell #chloe beale #bechloe week day 4 #bechloeweek #bechloe week

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sadbeautiful-tragic · 4 years

Text

All Too Well

Pairing: Maria Menounos / Derek Hough

Rating: T

Word Count: 7230

Summary: Almost a decade has passed since they met, and with it has come boundless changes. Does love conquer all? Is timing the true test?

A/N: It has been yeaaars since I last wrote menough. So much has happened in Maria and Derek’s lives. My heart still aches over its tragic rupture. And I will never, ever get over it. I learned this while writing and reengaging myself in their gradual departure (although I’m sure they still talk casually, just not as much as before). But anyway, here’s a menough fic. Even though the fandom has disappeared, writing this was a great way to release my emotions into a story and I hope even non-shippers or non-watchers appreciate it.

For you all interested in reading even without being acquainted with menough; or for those who would like a refresher on the untouchable chemistry that was Maria Menounos and Derek Hough, I (re)introduce you to the tributes I had made years ago. I believe watching at least one or two of them before reading will make you feel more wrapped up in the story. (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

Finally (sorry these notes are so long), I have sort of a songfic section written into this fic. I insist with my entire being that when it comes to that part that you pull up the song and listen to it with accordance to how it is written in the fic. I recommend having the fic side by side with the song. Or if you are reading on the app, pull up spotify and click play when you’re ready. Otherwise the lyrics I had included will seem like empty words which is not the way I intended them to feel like.

Francois Klark - Please Stay

Thank youuuu and enjoy!

_______________________________

“So, it’s really her, huh. The brunette beauty. The woman you met through dance.”

“Absolutely, I couldn’t be more sure of it.” Derek beamed as he and his best friend looked over at their women standing and laughing on the balcony together.

The night was almost like a peek into the rest of their lives as a foursome: the women were off chatting about their outfits for the engagement party while the men were discussing their childhoods. Derek and Mark were in their hometown in London which had brought back a lot of memories. And just three hours ago, the blond had proposed to the love of his life.

The four of them had celebrated over dinner and now the two long term best friends were sitting at the round dining table in Derek’s hotel room.

“When we were here as kids,” Derek smiled, a glow in his eyes, “I couldn’t have imagined us being so lucky. I don’t know what I did to deserve her. But I’m so glad I do.”

Just then, the infamous brunette beauty walked over to Derek while the other woman walked over to Mark. Derek grabbed the brunette’s hand and kissed it. “Your hand looks even more beautiful with the ring on it.” He raised an eyebrow to her and they both laughed.

She leaned her forehead against his and giggled against his lips.

“I love you so much, Hayley. I’ve never been happier in my entire life.”

“You mean that?”

Derek hummed with happiness against her lips. “Couldn’t mean it more.”

Mark and Derek had both decided to marry someone who shared the same lifestyle as them. Values, interests, hobbies, aspirations all matched their partners’. The two couples served to disprove the idea that opposites attract.

“Ok, ok, ok lovebirds. We need to get to sleep or we aren’t going to catch the plane in the morning.” BC Jean grabbed Mark’s hand and helped her husband up. “See you at breakfast tomorrow. 7am?” They nodded. “Awesome,” she said succinctly, grabbing her purse. “I really am stoked for your happiness, but it’s about time I got some action of my own.”

“Oh really?” Mark cocked an eyebrow, reaching to wrap his arms around her.

“Fuck no,” she responded bluntly, slapping his arm away. “I’m exhausted. It’s an hour past my bedtime.”

Mark rolled his eyes and laughed. They had definitely been married for too long; the honeymoon phase had far ended. He took his wife’s hand and led them to the door. They said goodbye to the newly engaged couple and walked back to their suite across the hall.

_______________________________

“You could have said no like all the other times.”

“It isn’t that easy.”

“And that’s what makes this thing between us so hard.”

Going into the closet, her fingers traced the outline of an intricately detailed wedding dress hanging for all to see. It was on a mannequin that stood at the far wall of her closet. Surrounding it hung picture frames of the brunette modeling the dress at her wedding. A magical night indeed.

The night when her parents’ dream had come true.

Known for throwing some of the best parties in Hollywood, Maria knew her wedding, though intimate, needed to be the wedding of the decade. It definitely had not come short of extraordinary. The event, by requirement, took place in Greece and centered around not only her heritage but most importantly her family. Her parents, after all, had been the ones who had especially pushed her to get married.

At the back of her mind, Maria always wondered the importance of marriage. She acknowledged some people did it for things such as insurance or tax deductions, but she knew the financial aspect of life was no issue for her. She had questioned, decades into a relationship, how important it was to have the government check mark yet another married couple. After all, what about common law marriage? Yet, her Greek heritage and her parents whom she loved more than anything else in the world thought otherwise. And for her parents, she would do anything. Besides, why not throw the biggest party of your life and look flawless doing it? As an added bonus, Maria had understood how nice it would be for the tabloids to lay off the constant pestering once the question was settled once and for all.

Yes, annoying magazine, after 19 years, we finally tied the knot. I told you I loved him.

That magical day, Maria had been dressed head to toe in nothing but glam. Her hair was in an updo and she had been decorated with an off the shoulder silk dress with hand-painted flowers and a veil made from silk tulle. It held a slight difference to the dress she had worn for the first ceremony that had taken place on New Year's Eve. That dress, slightly girlier, had been a Pronovias' lace "Randala" wedding dress. It had a mermaid silhouette and lace long sleeves. Each dress was now worn on separate mannequins, located beside each other.

Throughout her wedding night, attention was drawn on her, as family and friends joined her to celebrate her special day. And yet, every now and then, she had stolen glances at the venue door, waiting, wondering if the two people she was most anxious to see would eventually arrive. She remembered feeling bad because she’d be mid-conversation, mid chaste kiss with her new husband, the other end of the interaction asking if she was okay as her eyes remained searching the door for any glimmer of hope. She would respond, yes, of course, “I’m married to a man who loves me,” but the people she really wanted by her side never came. And neither did the truth in her response.

Maria knew despite all odds, she would say her vows to Keven. She knew she would live the rest of her life in the dream mansion with her dogs, her parents, and her business partner. After everything her parents had gone through, she knew stability was key. She knew she was living and helping her parents live the life they had always dreamed for her. She knew she needed Keven by her side to continue to let that happen.

Similarly, she knew the amount of joy Derek brought to her life. A kind of joy she once didn’t think existed. She knew the way a simple touch of his hand would send goosebumps rising all over her body. She knew of the taste of both his gentle and passionate kisses and how breathless both would make her feel. She knew how instant their chemistry was the second they met, how open and welcoming each of their families were of the other person, and how unbelievable it was the two of them could somehow cycle through all the vital aspects of a relationship. She knew she could be goofy and literally roll on the floor laughing with Derek; she knew how fast a simple peck on the forehead could lead to them goofily wrestling and within minutes begin fighting off the urge to tear the other’s clothes off; she knew how after a stressful night, the one person that could make her smile and put her back together with an arm around the waist and soft words of reassurance in her ear was Derek.

She also knew she shouldn’t have strung him along for years. She knew she shouldn’t have let him find out through a live interview that she had accepted another man’s proposal; however, she knew that if she had told him, she wouldn’t have been able to handle the broken heart on both ends of the… friendship.

She had broken his heart and consequently betrayed one of her best friends, his sister.

Of course the two of them didn’t go to her wedding.

Although she had tried to convince herself there could be a slight chance they may want to go, it was just a fool’s wish.

That, she knew too.

Maria smiled sadly, a breath falling out as she rummaged further into her closet. She swiped her fingers across the different sections of her capacious closet, passing through casuals, evening wear, business casual, gala wear, and then finally event costumes. She felt a lump form in her throat and she subconsciously gulped. She unzipped the black clothing protectors that had been shielding both dresses. Maria had saved two important costumes from her Dancing with the Stars days: her rumba dress and her paso outfit. The latter had been salvaged as their paso was the season’s first 30 and the dance and its theatrics had been one of her favorites. Her rumba dress, however, held a different meaning to her.

The first time we kissed.

Unlike what America and even their castmates had believed, however, that first kiss wasn’t during the live performance. No, it was actually an accident during their dress rehearsal. Derek had intended to quickly mock a kiss on her forehead, but when pulling himself down, his lips had, like a magnet, locked onto hers. When that happened, Maria, for the first time in fourteen years, felt her heart skip a beat. She felt her stomach tie in knots and her body flush red. And she knew he felt it too.

It was a mental thing. Since the moment they met, they knew what each other thought or felt and somehow managed to understand what the other needed in times of extreme stress. Maria had never felt so naturally connected with someone before. Most of the time they had been laughing or goofing off but when things got serious, the other person always knew exactly what to do to help the other person cool off. Simultaneously, they knew just the right thing to say to make the other person blush or cause a shiver to fall down their spine.

And as Maria had exited the dress rehearsal that morning and felt a hand find its way into hers to pull her in, she knew Derek was going to do it yet again.

They were in a dark corner backstage, away from cameras and other cast members. Derek’s back was against the wall and there was sweat across his forehead from the routine.

“Hey, I’m sorry about what happened back there, I must have gotten distracted and slipped up.”

Though she had been listening, Maria realized she had been staring at his lips and forced herself to shift her gaze to his eyes. She simply chuckled in response.

Derek smiled at her laugh. “What’s so funny?

For a moment, Maria didn’t say anything as she looked back down at his lips. Her arms wrapped around his neck, she pressed her body against his. “You’re cute when you do that.”

“Do what?” Derek questioned again, relishing in the feeling that Maria’s touch brought him.

“Excuse what happened by saying that you ‘slipped up.’”

Derek looked like he wanted to refute her response but couldn’t find a justifiable answer.

“You were caught up in the moment.” Maria said matter-of-factly as she began stroking circles on the back of his neck; a few seconds later, she felt as Derek gulped down nerves. She smiled brighter, noticing the effect she was having on him. Maria then moved her hand to run her thumb against the corner of his lip, rubbing off remnants of her lipstick. “It’s okay,” she responded when Derek had remained silent. By this point both of their faces had faded red. “I was too.”

Derek smiled slightly, his eyes subconsciously falling down to her lips and then back into her eyes. “Let’s, uh, let's just do it how we rehearsed, alright?”

Maria noticed the shakiness in his voice and she smiled. Derek sensed a sort of mischief behind it but blamed the suspicion on the sudden acceleration of his heartbeat.

Maria had done the dance just as they had rehearsed – dress rehearsal version. An act which had led America to wonder for the rest of the season if they’d ever be together. During the live dance, she had intensified her movements, nudging Derek even more to “unintentionally” kiss Maria during the reenactment. Why not? She had simply followed the directions of her dance instructor.

_______________________________

Julianne was sitting on the balcony alone, sipping red wine from her glass every now and then. After saying her hellos to the other party guests and watching the surprise first dance between the newly engaged couple, she had escaped to the balcony. A lot had been running through her mind since she had received the news. Recently, she had been having marital issues with her husband. Though she knew she’d always love him, recently she had been questioning the meaning of love. She used to be a hopeless romantic and had once believed in soulmates but for the past few months she had been reexamining the significance behind marriage. Maybe, just maybe, it was just a social construct forcing two people to commit to each other.

Suddenly, Julianne heard a knock on the sliding door, bringing her out of her thoughts.

“Hey hun,” she heard a voice. Instantly, she realized it was her soon-to-be sister in law.

“Hey Hayley,” Julianne smiled softly at the younger woman.

“What are you doing out here alone?”

A question Julianne had been hearing a lot lately.

“I just wanted to get away from the noise for a moment.”

A half-lie.

While Julianne always found herself searching for solitude, especially in recent times, the party had reminded her of back when she and Brooks were at their own engagement party, the time in which they were their happiest. The constant reminder and endless display of love had caused her to need a break from the restlessness.

“Brooks couldn’t make it, huh?” Hayley asked as she sat down in front of Julianne.

“Yeah, he’s out of town for the weekend.”

A full lie.

Truth was, Julianne hadn’t even invited him. They had remained in touch and contacted each other on a daily basis, but they’d been living separately for the past few months. It was only for the time-being so they could work on their relationship. Of course, she had updated him on the engagement news, but she hadn’t even thought of asking him if he’d like to go to the party with her. She already knew the answer.

Hayley adjusted herself in her seat as she looked down at her glass, nervously swirling her champagne around. She had examined Julianne for a moment, knowing something was off. But she didn’t know what it was.

“Are you okay?” Hayley asked, concern clear in her voice.

Surprised by the sudden question, Julianne finally gave Hayley her full attention.

“I mean, I know things have been hard on you recently. You know you can tell me anything or vent to me. Or, you can let me in on something embarrassing from Derek’s childhood,” Hayley joked with a small smile. They both recognized she was trying to ease the tension in the room.

Hayley’s last sentence caused a genuine smile to rise on Julianne’s face. “I’m sure I’ve told you the best stories already, but it’s nice that I now have the rest of our lives to tell you everything.” They shared a laugh. After a moment, Julianne finally admitted, “It’s been tough recently, but Brooks and I… we’re working through things. At the end of the day, we know we love each other. Sometimes that’s all that really matters, yknow?” Julianne smiled softly at her words, meaning them wholeheartedly.

Julianne wanted to add in how much she missed her dogs – the true loves of her life – but everyone already knew that. Plus, mentioning or even thinking about her loss shattered her to pieces. Losing them truly broke her world more than she could have ever imagined. She wished she had her old best friend with her to mourn with her; the one person who loved dogs just as much as she, if not more. Her former friend constantly crossed her mind, especially recently, and Julianne wondered if the woman missed her as much as she did.

Hayley reached over and patted Julianne’s hand. “Y’know what, Jules?” She looked up from their hands and back at the blonde. “I’m fortunate to soon be able to really call you my sister.”

Julianne grinned at that. “Ditto,” she winked back.

They sat in silence for a moment – a happier, more peaceful silence. Julianne sipped on her glass of red wine as they stared off into the night sky. It was 10pm and the only light that hit the sky was from the glow of the stars.

Eventually, Hayley looked over at Julianne again. She hesitated, Julianne noticed, before she admitted, “You know… I used to think you weren’t a huge fan of me.”

Julianne laughed softly, seemingly forced. She was caught off guard by the accusation and turned her full body back to the brunette. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know… You just, you used to seem so distant.”

Julianne winced at her words. She squinted, at a loss for her own. She scrambled her mind for a response to propitiate her but couldn’t find one.

“When we were on tour, everything seemed fine. We were all friends. But then the second the news hit that we were dating and we told everyone… something about you, about our friendship, it just sort of changed.”

Julianne closed her eyes for a second before looking back at the sky. She took her glass in hand and downed a big shot of it. She immediately missed the sense of peace they had shared just minutes earlier.

“I’m just overprotective.”

Hayley shot her a look.

Wrong, try again.

“I just didn’t want to see him hurt again.”

Not quite, try again.

Julianne looked over at Hayley and let out a deep breath. Her eyes found those of the newly engaged woman and she found solace. “Truth is,” Julianne paused, mulling her words over for a moment, “Derek has entered certain relationships and there have been times I think, ‘oh wow, this woman really is the one.’ I befriend her, we get along, she fits in the family, and then Derek gets left in the dust. It’s hard, seeing him get his hopes all tied up in a knot only to be left for someone else.”

Hayley gave her a look of complete empathy, not only for Julianne but for her fiancé. She didn’t mind hearing about Derek’s past. She was just happy to know she was finally receiving the truth.

Julianne eyed Hayley for assurance that she could continue. “And when that bond is broken and they don’t speak at all anymore, it’s a bit selfish on my part I guess, but I for one am not only losing the ability to see my brother happy but I lose a best friend too.” Julianne returned Hayley’s earlier gesture and patted her hand in return. “I do give him credit, though. Each new girl he became serious with was always better than the last. Of course, that only made me more curious about the new girl and whether she would meet the level that his prior relationship had.” Julianne smiled reassuringly at Hayley. “I didn’t want to see your friendship with him break, and I didn’t want to lose a friend. But after a year or two and seeing you guys in love and engaged, I truly am happy for you guys. You’re everything he ever needed.”

Hayley grinned at Julianne as a thank you for her honesty. She found relief from her words; the happiness she felt from what she had just said was radiating off of her. She then looked past the sliding door, the two of them suddenly remembering the rest of the party. An even brighter smile came onto Hayley’s face just then. Julianne felt a small one rise on hers as she watched her friend meet the eyes of her brother; the brunette winked and her fiancé smiled. Somehow, Julianne thought, even years later, there was still a slight tint of red that had fallen on her tan cheeks.

_______________________________

Once the engagement party was over, Hayley and Derek began getting ready for bed. It had been nice to see their closest family and friends gathered together to celebrate them and they were excited knowing it was only a preview for their wedding. They planned to have the ceremony within a few years, but they were in no rush to jump into things. Both valued the excitement of each day and acknowledged that the small moments mattered just as the big.

Still, Hayley was eager to start planning and had actually begun the night Derek had proposed. A romantic at heart, she wanted to have the fairytale wedding she had dreamed of since she was a little girl.

“Hey Derek,” Hayley started, looking through their desk. “Have you seen my journal?”

Derek was in their master bathroom, shaving. Shaving cream covered the lower part of his face as he turned to look at Hayley. “Can’t find it?”

She looked at him and shook his head before continuing to search.

“Uh, hey Der,” Hayley began again, but a bit more hesitantly. Her fingers slid down a 24” silver pendant. “What‘s this key for?” she asked, referring to the diamond encrusted key dangling from the chain.

Derek stopped in his tracks when he saw what she was talking about. He became silent. Hayley had access to just about everything Derek owned, so it was out of the ordinary for Hayley to find something she didn’t know about. “It’s just an old thing, it doesn’t really have a use anymore,” he shrugged off.

Hayley studied Derek knowing something was off about him. She thought she knew him better than anyone else did which also meant she knew he wouldn’t be giving her any answers right at that moment. She would simply have to ask him later. She then went back to examining the necklace, knowing it didn’t belong to Derek. “Well, it’s beautiful,” she murmured under her breath.

_______________________________

After her talk with Hayley, Julianne realized she needed to do more than just think things through. And she knew just where to start.

A few days after the party, Julianne was sitting in her bedroom, alone as usual, no dogs, no husband. She was staring at her wall, trying to build the courage to go through with her plan. After a moment, she grabbed her phone and searched through her contact list. She hesitated, but with the help of two glasses of wine, she had been able to finally call Maria.

A week later, Julianne and Maria met up. It was 9pm and after having dinner, they decided to take a walk. For dinner, they chose to grab burgers and beer: Maria’s favorite. When Julianne brought up the idea, Maria had initially turned it down, insisting that Julianne pick as she knew she was the one who had the making up to do. Julianne still persisted, and Maria decided to even the deal by volunteering to pay for both of their meals.

It was dark outside and they were being guided by the streetlights. They had been walking for ten minutes, talking about anything and everything. They loved being able to finally catch up on each other’s lives.

Eventually there was a short silence and Julianne looked over at her friend. Spending quality time with the journalist for the first time in years gave her a sense of comfort she hadn’t felt in weeks.

“Maria?” Julianne murmured softly.

“Mhm?”

“Thank you for agreeing to spend time with me.”

Maria smiled. “No, thank you for inviting me.” Maria teasingly nudged Julianne’s shoulder with her own. “It’s been nice to get out of the house. I really missed you.”

Julianne grinned in response. “I missed you too.” Part of her wanted to admit that she wished she had reached out to her sooner, but she decided otherwise.

All night they had managed to avoid talking about the falling-out between Maria and Derek. Maria was surprised Julianne hadn’t brought it up; thinking that was why she had invited her, she had even gone through a few lines in her head to prepare for the conversation. She had been on edge all night, expecting one of them to bring up the subject—but nothing.

While they continued walking, Maria's eyes eventually landed on Julianne’s finger. Since the moment she saw her that night, Maria had sensed something may have happened, but the sight of a missing ring confirmed it. “I can tell you don’t want to talk about it,” Julianne looked at her, first confused and then stunned, “but I’m always here if you ever need me.

Maria could always tell what was on Julianne’s mind. She understood what to say and when without pushing it too far too early. Julianne realized that even with Maria and Derek not being on the best terms, Maria was still going to be there for her, always. Their friendship wasn’t and had never been conditional on Maria and Derek’s relationship. She then affirmed that maybe it was possible Maria could continue to be the honorary Hough.

Maria grabbed Julianne’s hand in comfort. “Also, my babies do miss you. The pups could use some Aunt Jules time.”

Julianne couldn’t help but smile. “Well, they are cute,” she giggled with Maria.

When Maria began looking around her again, a sudden sense of familiarity hit her.

“Jules… isn’t this—”

She was so distracted taking in her surroundings, she hadn’t noticed that Julianne had left her side and was now in front of her, against what looked like a hidden wall.

Julianne smiled. “Derek’s old apartment?” She pointed to her right, and nodded. Before Derek and Hayley became serious and moved in together, Derek had lived in the apartment and it hadn’t taken long for Maria to learn the code to it. They used to sneak inside for extended alone time, during and after their season ended. “But this, this is something separate.”

She pushed past branches just then and opened what had actually been a door.

Maria raised her eyebrows, surprised by the reveal. Julianne motioned her to go inside and she complied.

“Wow,” Maria said under her breath. The moment she entered the room, a chill crawled down her spine. Whoever said that weddings were the most beautiful settings were terribly mistaken.

This place was by far the most magical thing she had seen in her entire life.

This felt like home.

Maria had only taken a few steps in before becoming frozen in place. She was absolutely mesmerized. Maria’s eyes wandered the expansive space and quickly she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. The room was currently dark with string lights providing the only true light source. On the left and right walls lined all of her Dancing with the Stars costumes. There were speakers in the left and right corners of the wall closest to the corner door. In between, at the back wall, blue and pink, separated by purple, paint splatters were found. The mirror wall was on the far wall; above the mirror was a large neon light spelling the words “menough said.” In the left corner between the mirror and the barre were mannequins with the shirts Maria and Derek had designed that had the same phrase written on them. There was slight dust in the room, she had noticed. But it definitely didn’t distract from the captivating space.

Last but not least, behind the costumes hung framed pictures. Maria could feel a lump build in her throat as she realized that her wedding photos she had framed in her closet had never elicited this much emotion from her. There was a range of pictures of her and Derek goofing off in rehearsal, dancing on stage, from their trip to Las Vegas, and even from them just goofing off post-season at one of their houses.

“Julianne, you did all of this?” Maria’s voice cracked. She had walked to the right wall and was eyeing the picture of her and Derek eating burgers in New York. Pain struck through her heart from the simple memory of how perfect things had been during that trip. When they were able to be in their own little world, even for just a little bit.

“Still giving the other Hough all the credit, are you?”

Maria’s eyes widened. She froze again, her eyes glued to the frame. Part of her was terrified, anxious, to turn around, while the other part of her felt as if her heart had just jumped out of her chest and she was physically incapable of moving.

The voice was deeper. The scent, familiar.

She felt hands push her hair to her left shoulder before tying around her neck what felt like a necklace. The touch had caused her heart to skip a beat and chills to rise up her arms. The soul-stirring sensation couldn’t be mistaken.

“Derek…” she murmured more to herself than to the voice.

Maria closed her eyes for a moment and tried to catch her breath before turning around.

“Do you like your new dance studio?” Derek asked once his eyes met hers. He caught himself smiling at Maria; just like all those times before, it was helpless. Simply seeing her lifted his spirits.

Maria, still speechless, turned to look from Derek to his sister.

The night of the engagement party, Julianne had stayed the night in the guest room. As she went to grab a glass of water, she heard Derek and Hayley discussing the key and she had pulled Derek aside to talk about it. He had mentioned the idea to Julianne years ago but she hadn’t known he would go through with it.

Julianne realized this was the last time she could play matchmaker.

Julianne looked at Maria; she grinned and shrugged in response. “Coffee date, Monday, 8am. Don’t forget.” She winked at her friend, pressed play on the remote, and closed the door behind her.

Derek chuckled, looking down shyly before looking back at the beauty in front of him.

“I got this studio for you a few months after our season ended. I was thrilled that you were so passionate about dance and I wanted to think I was a part of that.”

Maria gazed deeply into his blue eyes, her own eyes glowing. She nodded slightly at his last words before he continued.

“I realized you could just add a studio to your house, but I thought it’d be nice for us to continue dancing together here, just for our own enjoyment.” He paused. “I mean, it’s been years and I know things didn’t quite go like how I had hoped and now we don’t really have a reason for privacy and you have your own personal instructor and…” He stopped, noticing he was rambling and upsetting himself with his own words.

Maria took a step forward. “Derek, this is—” Maria began, but her voice got interrupted by the music. She instantly recognized Julianne had chosen the song, Please Stay, by Francois Klark.

These four walls became a home

Since the day you walked in

She was ready to express how much the gift had meant to her. How it was genuinely the most beautiful thing she had ever seen — far surpassing any party she could ever throw, including her own wedding. How she could see how much time and thought he put into each little detail, details that not only meant everything to her, but for him as well.

But as they saw a matching twinkle in the other’s eyes, they knew that conversation could be saved for later.

My heart ceased to be alone

“Would you like to dance?” Derek asked, reaching out his hand.

Since the moment that you took my hand and

Maria could feel her heartbeat quicken, a flash of red hitting her cheeks. Her eyes were still wet with tears and she sniffed.

She took hold of his hand.

“Always.”

pulled me closer

Derek pulled Maria in close to him, his arms naturally falling around her waist, her arms around his neck.

He pressed his lips against her forehead, causing Maria to blush redder.

Kissed me unexpectedly

And told me it’s ‘cause you want me to know what I'd be missing

If I didn't call you back

They held each other and swayed to the music, cherishing the moment between them.

I picked up the phone,

How could I have known that one day I would be the one to say

Please stay, don’t go

I can't live inside these walls if it ain't you that I came home to

“This is nice,” Maria said softly.

“The studio?”

“Yes, but also…” Maria pulled back slightly so her eyes could meet his. “Just being here with you. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I missed you.”

“We still talk sometimes,” Derek replied, though perplexed by his own words.

Maria raised her eyebrows at him in disbelief and they both smirked. They both understood he was alluding to the very few social media interactions and how minimal meaning they held. Especially recently.

Maria lay her head on Derek’s shoulder. In his ear, she murmured, “You were my best friend, Derek.”

I don't think we will survive

“I know,” Derek whispered, reversing his earlier statement.

on just hello every now and then on a small screen

“I really missed my Greek Goddess.”

Hearing Derek call her by the nickname he had once coined caused Maria to smile softly.

I say goodnight when by you the morning rise

and another day will pass by

Derek dipped Maria and as she came back up, he found himself pressing his forehead against hers. “You always did bring a different light to my life.”

That I can't kiss you quietly

Like I used to when you came to bed,

Laid your head upon my chest

Instead I lie here on my own

Trying to forget that you already left

as my words echo in this empty bed

Please stay, don’t go

For the last few beats of the song, Derek decided to lead Maria through different moves from their Viennese Waltz. He was pleasantly surprised that she had remembered a lot of it. As they listened to the remainder of the song, they could feel their heartbeats rising with awe of its relevance.

I can't fall asleep without the shape of you that I fit into

Julianne knew just how to get to them.

I wish I met you at a different time

When neither one of us would have to go

Is it wrong of me to hope that someday we might meet again

And that our stars would realign

As the song came to a close, they remained in a tight embrace. Neither of them wanted the moment to end. Eventually, Derek kissed her cheek before pulling away and smiling softly at her. It was his turn to turn a bit red. He bit his lip; Maria looked as gorgeous as ever.

“Mar…” Derek breathed, looking down before looking back at Maria.

Please stay, don’t go.

Maria looked back at him expectantly.

Please stay, don’t go.

He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked and the eruption of feelings that had returned to him; but instead he shook his head at the thought. “I’m really glad you like the studio and that I could be your first dance.”

Please stay, don’t go.

Maria let out a nervous giggle; the same one that Derek had fallen in love with all those years back. “Somehow you were a lot of my firsts,” she joked back, which caused him to turn redder. She smiled at that.

I can’t fall asleep without the shape of you that I fit into

Derek looked at her peacefully until his brain and the end of the song brought him back to reality. “I do have to go though,” he declared regretfully. “But let me know if you ever want a dance lesson or someone to grab a bite to eat with. I’m—” Derek stopped himself from casually saying the words “I’m your guy,” and instead revised it to, “I’m always a call away.”

Maria smiled and nodded, though sad their time had to be cut so quickly. She murmured a thank you and Derek turned and made his way for the door.

Maria watched as her former dance instructor walked one foot after the other to the door. Her fingers reached to the key dangling on her necklace. It took a moment but she worked up the courage to speak.

“And Derek?”

Derek stopped walking, a foot away from the door.

“I’ll be sure to be there.”

There was a short silence before Derek finally turned to look at Maria. He wore a look of absolute puzzlement.

“At your wedding. You know, if you decide to invite me.” Maria forced a small smile. Derek hadn’t told her he had gotten engaged. No one had. She just knew. Maria did know him better than anyone. No one would change that, at least. Not even his fiancée.

“That’s why you’re here, right?” she continued as she took a step forward and looked at the professional dancer. “You wanted to do the one last thing so you could move on.” Maria traced the edges of the key. She walked over to Derek. She looked into his eyes, hesitating before pressing her lips against his cheek. “Thank you. Not only for the dance studio. But for everything.”

Derek looked down and found his hand gravitating to hers. He couldn’t stop it even if he wanted to. There was a small silence where their eyes locked and they got lost in each other. It reminded them of when they were in the Dancing with the Stars studio, when everything was simpler yet not so simple; when they’d take a break from rehearsal, their hands interlaced together, when just gazing into each other’s eyes and grinning cheek to cheek had said more than words ever could.

“I… I have to go, she’s waiting in the car.” Derek shook his head at his inability to say Hayley’s name. He was too choked up.

Maria smiled. “I know.” She knew Derek wouldn’t have just snuck around with her. Of course he’d tell his true love everything. She rubbed her thumb against his. “I really am happy for you, Derek. You deserve someone who can love you with their entire being. Someone who would never leave you or have you guessing their next move or force you to lie to the universe about your love for her.” Maria released her hand from his. “You know… like I had you do.”

Derek closed the distance between them again. He felt tears well up in his eyes, a feat hard to accomplish. His lips curled into a small but sad smile as he pressed his lips to her forehead.

Without realizing it, Maria felt her hands clasp back behind Derek’s neck as she wrapped her arms around him, the same feeling of home returning to them both. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, as Derek kept his forehead pressed against hers, his hands finding the small of her back.

Maria and Derek felt like they were taken back to 2012. They could feel their hearts beating in synchronization. Their hearts were throbbing, aching for more. Maria bit her lip as she found her eyes looking down at his lips.

Just like all those times before, Maria could feel the two of them moving, inch by inch, their stomachs twisting in knots as they felt their lips gravitating to each other.

Whatever it was, it felt right, Derek had once said about their rumba kiss.

Maria sighed against his lips and Derek felt his lips go dry.

Flashbacks of their rumba, salsa, rehearsals, argentine tango, trips to Vegas and NYC, and several moments outside of the show flashed through both of their minds. The oh-very-familiar tension between them was very present and they could feel their bodies preparing themselves for what was coming next.

However. Something happened that had never happened before.

Derek brushed his lips against Maria’s before decidedly forcing himself away. He kept his arms around Maria’s waist, not wanting to let go; Maria kept her head on his shoulder, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to escape. A few minutes passed between them as they took in what had just transpired.

Not once since they met had he turned Maria down.

Derek shut his eyes, trying to sort through the thoughts jumbling through his mind. He wanted to kiss her. After all these years, he still wanted to kiss her. Even when he was truly, deeply, happily, in love with his fiancée, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her.

But he couldn’t.

After a moment, Derek could feel Maria’s body shake slightly, followed by a small whimper. And then a sniff.

Derek raked his fingers through Maria’s hair in comfort. He rubbed circles across the small of her back as he whispered in her ear, “I love you, Maria. I always will.”

Maria stayed silent for a moment and Derek could swear he felt a tear drop onto his back.

He continued running his hand through her hair as he laid a gentle kiss on her shoulder.

“I’m always going to be in love with you, Derek Hough.”

It was at that moment that Maria realized for the first time why she had allowed herself to fall for Derek. She wasn’t in love with Keven. She had never been in love with Keven. She never wanted to be around or let her walls down or be as intimate with someone as much as she wanted to with Derek. All those years, Maria had been physically attached to Keven but her heart had always been elsewhere. The feelings and connection she had with Derek were irreplaceable, untouchable, unimaginable, unseeable with anyone else.

But Derek? Maria knew the one thing in the entire universe that stopped Derek from kissing her was the woman whom he had given the engagement ring to. He was truly and completely in love with Hayley Erbert. And once Derek hugged Maria long enough for her to stop weeping, he slowly let go of her, inch by inch: first the forehead, then the arm around the waist, and finally the hand she had long lost privilege to.

Please stay, don't go.

The lyric echoed, achingly, in her ear as if Julianne had pressed play again.

Maria watched it all fade away. The foreseeable future she had once dreamed of was now nothing but an unachievable dream. She didn’t know it until just then, but once Derek left and she was all alone in her own personal studio, she realized that she may have fulfilled the dreams her parents had long aspired for her, but her own personal dream, the one she valued the most, was now lost forever.

I can't live inside these walls if it ain't you that I came home to.

And she knew. She knew the only thing at fault was herself.

#maria menounos #derek hough #menough #menough said #dancing with the stars #dwts #fanfic #fanfiction #mine: fanfiction #mine #julianne hough #it literally hurt my heart writing this #i had to take multiple breaks just to recollect myself #i feel like i'm the only one whose heart will be broken reading this but stillll #also this is far longer than i had imagined i really had no idea where it was going to go at first #tbh it's sort of a combination of multiple random thoughts and ideas that ended up going well together i think

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