#i had to take multiple breaks just to recollect myself
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A hidden despair (Richard Papen fic)
This story is inspired by chapter 3 of the secret history, which is one of my favourites of the entire book.
I just want to give a little warning before this begins that there are multiple mentions of suicide in this story. So if that might upset you keep scrolling
(Word count: 1126)
I felt as if I was fading away, like a plastic bag discarded on the ground, no longer serving any purpose other than floating aimlessly; the wind carrying it so far away it is forgotten about entirely. Any notice of its existence is minute and uncaring.
I was being carried away by this wind myself. With each passing moment the hurricane enveloping me would grow in size, massive gusts of wind causing any recollection of any memory that ever brought me joy to vanish; and it was as if this perpetual misery is the only feeling I have ever known or ever will know.
The sun began to set at around four o’clock, so in the weeks leading up to Christmas I spent the majority of my time in darkness as I would wake up at the crack of dawn to walk to Dr Roland’s office and I would lock myself away like a recluse and work until dusk. On my exhausting and desolate walks to Hampden each day, I couldn’t help but reminisce over the peacefulness of Autumn; and how I would go about my days without this staggering amount of unhappiness clouding my mind.
Previously my life had been quite miserable. Miserable but bearable. Recently it had transitioned from disconsolable to utterly unbearable. I began to frequently fantasize about my death. At first they were quite distressing thoughts and would be rather upsetting. But soon they became my sole source of comfort on freezing nights in the warehouse, as depressing as that might sound.
As the weeks progressed and the temperature steadily dropped, the idea of throwing myself off the footbridge overlooking the river that I walked across on my way to work became increasingly more appealing. It was quite a thrilling thought to know I wouldn’t have to endure the rest of Winter and my mind would quiet; I would be still and silent until I was found in the Spring.
I thought about my friends, who were enjoying spending this Christmas in a warmer climate, likely not giving me much of a passing thought, and wondered if they would even acknowledge my absence when they returned to school; or if they would miss me at all when they found out what had happened to me. I tried to guess how long it would take for the people in my life to get over my death and return to their normal lives, to stop dwelling on the things they could have done differently and accept that I’m gone, if they would do that at all. The only remaining proof to passers-by that I ever lived at all being my name scrawled on a piece of stone; the person I once was and the life I lived long discarded in my half-hearted eulogy.
I decided that evening, sitting in Dr Roland’s office, that I would write a few letters to my friends. They were more letters of confession than apology. I ended up writing much more to Henry than I previously thought I’d be able to; and it made me think more about my relationship with him. Although the amount of words we exchanged were minimal, I always felt comfortable in his presence. Would Henry miss me?
I remember at the end of one of my last classes with Julian before Winter break, he told me that Henry is a much more emotionally complex person than he allows others to see. Thinking about this made me realize our friendship wasn’t one sided at all, Henry just found it terrifically difficult to let people see him in any other light than a cold-hearted and stoic individual who spoke infrequently.
This discovery made me think about the implications of my plan in a greater depth, and if it was worth all the trouble. The warmth of the office seemed to permeate through the solid ice my body seemed to have become; and the ice melted for a moment. That feeling was enough for me to second guess myself, until I looked out the window and was reminded of the harsh cold that had sunk deep into my bones, fixating me in this endless winter and subsequent incessant melancholy. This presentiment caused my heart to sink to my feet at the reminder of the merciless January wind awaiting me, and the fact that I wasn’t sure I could bear another night in that warehouse.
As I was packing my books, I sealed the letters and tucked them away in my jacket. I said a goodbye to the office that had treated me so well the last few weeks and locked the door a final time. I replaced my brisk walk for a slow stroll, trying my best to admire the bare trees and the crunch of the snow under me that dampened my socks with each step despite my boots. Tonight being a particularly grim and miserable night did not do much in aiding me find a good reason to wait until morning to call Henry.
I reached the phone box and stepped in, the wind slamming the door against its frame with a jarring crash. I fished in my pockets for quarters and punched in Henry’s number. As I let the line ring, I shuddered as the unrelenting gusts of wind blew in through the gap in the door of the phone box. I leaned against the wall and slumped to the floor, hearing the line ring for what must’ve been the thirtieth time. I looked at my watch under the dim light of the streetlamp and saw it was half past two in the morning. Henry wouldn’t be awake. I went to replace the receiver to begin my walk to the bridge.
‘Hello?’
My eyebrows shot up in equal parts surprise and relief.
‘Hi Henry.’
‘Richard? What’s the matter? Are you okay?’
Tears immediately pricked at my eyes as I heard somebody else’s voice for the first time in five weeks. A greater comfort that it was Henry’s.
‘Sorry for calling so late. I hope I didn’t wake you.’ Was all I could manage.
‘You didn’t.’ He reassured me. ‘What’s happened?’ His tone alone caused an audible sob to wrack my body.
I felt a little bit of that weight being lifted off my shoulders at the sound of his voice. God, I missed him.
‘I need your help.’
‘Stay where you are Richard, I’ll be there as soon as I can.’ He hung up the phone.
And I did what he said. I sat down in that phone box and waited for him. Hearing his concern through the phone put all my other thoughts to rest. I ripped up my letter to him, leaned my head against the cold glass and waited.
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Day 142,
Mists are out this morning. It’s been hard to track the moon phases to predict them with all the cloudcover lately. No class then today I suppose. No rain either. Even the weather takes a break for the mists it seems.
It may be ill-advised, but I think I’ll take the opportunity to stop by and pay Pat a visit. It feels strange to just stop by for a social visit unannounced, but I’ve gotten the impression that’s fairly normal around here; I just don’t get much of it myself living in the outskirts. And if showing up while the mists are out makes it strange even by local standards, well, despite his age - or perhaps because of it - Pat seems less bothered by breaches of tradition than most.
*******
The visit with Pat went well, and I only got a little bit lost on my way back to the library. He was surprised to see me, sure, but welcoming. To his question as to if I wasn’t afraid of the shades I replied that I was but that I also had come to realize I needn’t worry overmuch about actually encountering them as long as I take proper precautions. Within the Village anyway.
When he asked what the occasion was, I said there wasn’t one, only that it occurred to me we hadn’t talked in a while and I ought to check up on him. It can get lonely on mist days with your plans for the day suspended. That answer wasn’t even entirely a lie; I’d already resolved to save my questions about births and deaths for another time.
And so it was that we whiled away the morning hours into the afternoon sipping tea and helping ourselves to small baked goods in Pat’s living room, warming ourselves against the damp outside.
I spoke of my new experiences teaching. Of the children. Of the tablets. Of keeping towels at the library to help dry the ones who lingered outside too long at recess and return drenched by rain. Of the blackboard. Of Cass’s assistance. Of this week’s plan to try the tutoring system.
Pat spoke of his own nostalgic memories of those classes. Of the hazy recollection of his own youth there. Of dropping off and picking up his children. Of his grandchildren staying with him during the rainy seasons. Of the time an outsider washed up unusually young and wound up attending those classes herself. Of the passing of the mantle of archivist multiple times. Of the previous archivist’s early days, much like mine save for the lack of an assistant and a stronger desire to keep with tradition. Of his own brief stint teaching alongside Theo (who’s apparently less intimidating around Village kids than with outsiders, if still an old grump).
None of it was in that chronological of an order though. It’s a little surreal at times listening to him reminisce; without context you can never tell what happened a few days ago and what was over a century. A testament to how little this place changes. Will my own experiments last or will they be forgotten with the next archivist? Or the one after? Or will I find my own reasons a few years down the line to return to tradition? Thoughts too existential to bring up and bring down the mood of the moment.
As the afternoon wore on Pat started to ask if I’d tell him a story for once, but then noticed it was getting dim out and it’d be best to save it for another time so I could get back home. Without thinking, I made a promise to do so next time and not to wait so long until the next visit. With a chuckle he said he’d hold me to that and added that he had a specific story in mind. When I asked which his only response was a grin that said keeping me guessing was part of the game.
Fair enough then. An excuse to do some more reading.
<==Previous Next==>
#writing#original fiction#serial fiction#sliceoflife#Writeblr#daily writing#epistolary novel#writers on tumblr#WIP#creative writing#literature#prose#writers#web novel#novel#journal#isekai#epistolary#fantasy#slice of life#fiction#my writing
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All Too Well
Pairing: Maria Menounos / Derek Hough
Rating: T
Word Count: 7230
Summary: Almost a decade has passed since they met, and with it has come boundless changes. Does love conquer all? Is timing the true test?
A/N: It has been yeaaars since I last wrote menough. So much has happened in Maria and Derek’s lives. My heart still aches over its tragic rupture. And I will never, ever get over it. I learned this while writing and reengaging myself in their gradual departure (although I’m sure they still talk casually, just not as much as before). But anyway, here’s a menough fic. Even though the fandom has disappeared, writing this was a great way to release my emotions into a story and I hope even non-shippers or non-watchers appreciate it.
For you all interested in reading even without being acquainted with menough; or for those who would like a refresher on the untouchable chemistry that was Maria Menounos and Derek Hough, I (re)introduce you to the tributes I had made years ago. I believe watching at least one or two of them before reading will make you feel more wrapped up in the story. (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
Finally (sorry these notes are so long), I have sort of a songfic section written into this fic. I insist with my entire being that when it comes to that part that you pull up the song and listen to it with accordance to how it is written in the fic. I recommend having the fic side by side with the song. Or if you are reading on the app, pull up spotify and click play when you’re ready. Otherwise the lyrics I had included will seem like empty words which is not the way I intended them to feel like.
Francois Klark - Please Stay
Thank youuuu and enjoy!
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“So, it’s really her, huh. The brunette beauty. The woman you met through dance.”
“Absolutely, I couldn’t be more sure of it.” Derek beamed as he and his best friend looked over at their women standing and laughing on the balcony together.
The night was almost like a peek into the rest of their lives as a foursome: the women were off chatting about their outfits for the engagement party while the men were discussing their childhoods. Derek and Mark were in their hometown in London which had brought back a lot of memories. And just three hours ago, the blond had proposed to the love of his life.
The four of them had celebrated over dinner and now the two long term best friends were sitting at the round dining table in Derek’s hotel room.
“When we were here as kids,” Derek smiled, a glow in his eyes, “I couldn’t have imagined us being so lucky. I don’t know what I did to deserve her. But I’m so glad I do.”
Just then, the infamous brunette beauty walked over to Derek while the other woman walked over to Mark. Derek grabbed the brunette’s hand and kissed it. “Your hand looks even more beautiful with the ring on it.” He raised an eyebrow to her and they both laughed.
She leaned her forehead against his and giggled against his lips.
“I love you so much, Hayley. I’ve never been happier in my entire life.”
“You mean that?”
Derek hummed with happiness against her lips. “Couldn’t mean it more.”
Mark and Derek had both decided to marry someone who shared the same lifestyle as them. Values, interests, hobbies, aspirations all matched their partners’. The two couples served to disprove the idea that opposites attract.
“Ok, ok, ok lovebirds. We need to get to sleep or we aren’t going to catch the plane in the morning.” BC Jean grabbed Mark’s hand and helped her husband up. “See you at breakfast tomorrow. 7am?” They nodded. “Awesome,” she said succinctly, grabbing her purse. “I really am stoked for your happiness, but it’s about time I got some action of my own.”
“Oh really?” Mark cocked an eyebrow, reaching to wrap his arms around her.
“Fuck no,” she responded bluntly, slapping his arm away. “I’m exhausted. It’s an hour past my bedtime.”
Mark rolled his eyes and laughed. They had definitely been married for too long; the honeymoon phase had far ended. He took his wife’s hand and led them to the door. They said goodbye to the newly engaged couple and walked back to their suite across the hall.
_______________________________
“You could have said no like all the other times.”
“It isn’t that easy.”
“And that’s what makes this thing between us so hard.”
Going into the closet, her fingers traced the outline of an intricately detailed wedding dress hanging for all to see. It was on a mannequin that stood at the far wall of her closet. Surrounding it hung picture frames of the brunette modeling the dress at her wedding. A magical night indeed.
The night when her parents’ dream had come true.
Known for throwing some of the best parties in Hollywood, Maria knew her wedding, though intimate, needed to be the wedding of the decade. It definitely had not come short of extraordinary. The event, by requirement, took place in Greece and centered around not only her heritage but most importantly her family. Her parents, after all, had been the ones who had especially pushed her to get married.
At the back of her mind, Maria always wondered the importance of marriage. She acknowledged some people did it for things such as insurance or tax deductions, but she knew the financial aspect of life was no issue for her. She had questioned, decades into a relationship, how important it was to have the government check mark yet another married couple. After all, what about common law marriage? Yet, her Greek heritage and her parents whom she loved more than anything else in the world thought otherwise. And for her parents, she would do anything. Besides, why not throw the biggest party of your life and look flawless doing it? As an added bonus, Maria had understood how nice it would be for the tabloids to lay off the constant pestering once the question was settled once and for all.
Yes, annoying magazine, after 19 years, we finally tied the knot. I told you I loved him.
That magical day, Maria had been dressed head to toe in nothing but glam. Her hair was in an updo and she had been decorated with an off the shoulder silk dress with hand-painted flowers and a veil made from silk tulle. It held a slight difference to the dress she had worn for the first ceremony that had taken place on New Year's Eve. That dress, slightly girlier, had been a Pronovias' lace "Randala" wedding dress. It had a mermaid silhouette and lace long sleeves. Each dress was now worn on separate mannequins, located beside each other.
Throughout her wedding night, attention was drawn on her, as family and friends joined her to celebrate her special day. And yet, every now and then, she had stolen glances at the venue door, waiting, wondering if the two people she was most anxious to see would eventually arrive. She remembered feeling bad because she’d be mid-conversation, mid chaste kiss with her new husband, the other end of the interaction asking if she was okay as her eyes remained searching the door for any glimmer of hope. She would respond, yes, of course, “I’m married to a man who loves me,” but the people she really wanted by her side never came. And neither did the truth in her response.
Maria knew despite all odds, she would say her vows to Keven. She knew she would live the rest of her life in the dream mansion with her dogs, her parents, and her business partner. After everything her parents had gone through, she knew stability was key. She knew she was living and helping her parents live the life they had always dreamed for her. She knew she needed Keven by her side to continue to let that happen.
Similarly, she knew the amount of joy Derek brought to her life. A kind of joy she once didn’t think existed. She knew the way a simple touch of his hand would send goosebumps rising all over her body. She knew of the taste of both his gentle and passionate kisses and how breathless both would make her feel. She knew how instant their chemistry was the second they met, how open and welcoming each of their families were of the other person, and how unbelievable it was the two of them could somehow cycle through all the vital aspects of a relationship. She knew she could be goofy and literally roll on the floor laughing with Derek; she knew how fast a simple peck on the forehead could lead to them goofily wrestling and within minutes begin fighting off the urge to tear the other’s clothes off; she knew how after a stressful night, the one person that could make her smile and put her back together with an arm around the waist and soft words of reassurance in her ear was Derek.
She also knew she shouldn’t have strung him along for years. She knew she shouldn’t have let him find out through a live interview that she had accepted another man’s proposal; however, she knew that if she had told him, she wouldn’t have been able to handle the broken heart on both ends of the… friendship.
She had broken his heart and consequently betrayed one of her best friends, his sister.
Of course the two of them didn’t go to her wedding.
Although she had tried to convince herself there could be a slight chance they may want to go, it was just a fool’s wish.
That, she knew too.
Maria smiled sadly, a breath falling out as she rummaged further into her closet. She swiped her fingers across the different sections of her capacious closet, passing through casuals, evening wear, business casual, gala wear, and then finally event costumes. She felt a lump form in her throat and she subconsciously gulped. She unzipped the black clothing protectors that had been shielding both dresses. Maria had saved two important costumes from her Dancing with the Stars days: her rumba dress and her paso outfit. The latter had been salvaged as their paso was the season’s first 30 and the dance and its theatrics had been one of her favorites. Her rumba dress, however, held a different meaning to her.
The first time we kissed.
Unlike what America and even their castmates had believed, however, that first kiss wasn’t during the live performance. No, it was actually an accident during their dress rehearsal. Derek had intended to quickly mock a kiss on her forehead, but when pulling himself down, his lips had, like a magnet, locked onto hers. When that happened, Maria, for the first time in fourteen years, felt her heart skip a beat. She felt her stomach tie in knots and her body flush red. And she knew he felt it too.
It was a mental thing. Since the moment they met, they knew what each other thought or felt and somehow managed to understand what the other needed in times of extreme stress. Maria had never felt so naturally connected with someone before. Most of the time they had been laughing or goofing off but when things got serious, the other person always knew exactly what to do to help the other person cool off. Simultaneously, they knew just the right thing to say to make the other person blush or cause a shiver to fall down their spine.
And as Maria had exited the dress rehearsal that morning and felt a hand find its way into hers to pull her in, she knew Derek was going to do it yet again.
They were in a dark corner backstage, away from cameras and other cast members. Derek’s back was against the wall and there was sweat across his forehead from the routine.
“Hey, I’m sorry about what happened back there, I must have gotten distracted and slipped up.”
Though she had been listening, Maria realized she had been staring at his lips and forced herself to shift her gaze to his eyes. She simply chuckled in response.
Derek smiled at her laugh. “What’s so funny?
For a moment, Maria didn’t say anything as she looked back down at his lips. Her arms wrapped around his neck, she pressed her body against his. “You’re cute when you do that.”
“Do what?” Derek questioned again, relishing in the feeling that Maria’s touch brought him.
“Excuse what happened by saying that you ‘slipped up.’”
Derek looked like he wanted to refute her response but couldn’t find a justifiable answer.
“You were caught up in the moment.” Maria said matter-of-factly as she began stroking circles on the back of his neck; a few seconds later, she felt as Derek gulped down nerves. She smiled brighter, noticing the effect she was having on him. Maria then moved her hand to run her thumb against the corner of his lip, rubbing off remnants of her lipstick. “It’s okay,” she responded when Derek had remained silent. By this point both of their faces had faded red. “I was too.”
Derek smiled slightly, his eyes subconsciously falling down to her lips and then back into her eyes. “Let’s, uh, let's just do it how we rehearsed, alright?”
Maria noticed the shakiness in his voice and she smiled. Derek sensed a sort of mischief behind it but blamed the suspicion on the sudden acceleration of his heartbeat.
Maria had done the dance just as they had rehearsed – dress rehearsal version. An act which had led America to wonder for the rest of the season if they’d ever be together. During the live dance, she had intensified her movements, nudging Derek even more to “unintentionally” kiss Maria during the reenactment. Why not? She had simply followed the directions of her dance instructor.
_______________________________
Julianne was sitting on the balcony alone, sipping red wine from her glass every now and then. After saying her hellos to the other party guests and watching the surprise first dance between the newly engaged couple, she had escaped to the balcony. A lot had been running through her mind since she had received the news. Recently, she had been having marital issues with her husband. Though she knew she’d always love him, recently she had been questioning the meaning of love. She used to be a hopeless romantic and had once believed in soulmates but for the past few months she had been reexamining the significance behind marriage. Maybe, just maybe, it was just a social construct forcing two people to commit to each other.
Suddenly, Julianne heard a knock on the sliding door, bringing her out of her thoughts.
“Hey hun,” she heard a voice. Instantly, she realized it was her soon-to-be sister in law.
“Hey Hayley,” Julianne smiled softly at the younger woman.
“What are you doing out here alone?”
A question Julianne had been hearing a lot lately.
“I just wanted to get away from the noise for a moment.”
A half-lie.
While Julianne always found herself searching for solitude, especially in recent times, the party had reminded her of back when she and Brooks were at their own engagement party, the time in which they were their happiest. The constant reminder and endless display of love had caused her to need a break from the restlessness.
“Brooks couldn’t make it, huh?” Hayley asked as she sat down in front of Julianne.
“Yeah, he’s out of town for the weekend.”
A full lie.
Truth was, Julianne hadn’t even invited him. They had remained in touch and contacted each other on a daily basis, but they’d been living separately for the past few months. It was only for the time-being so they could work on their relationship. Of course, she had updated him on the engagement news, but she hadn’t even thought of asking him if he’d like to go to the party with her. She already knew the answer.
Hayley adjusted herself in her seat as she looked down at her glass, nervously swirling her champagne around. She had examined Julianne for a moment, knowing something was off. But she didn’t know what it was.
“Are you okay?” Hayley asked, concern clear in her voice.
Surprised by the sudden question, Julianne finally gave Hayley her full attention.
“I mean, I know things have been hard on you recently. You know you can tell me anything or vent to me. Or, you can let me in on something embarrassing from Derek’s childhood,” Hayley joked with a small smile. They both recognized she was trying to ease the tension in the room.
Hayley’s last sentence caused a genuine smile to rise on Julianne’s face. “I’m sure I’ve told you the best stories already, but it’s nice that I now have the rest of our lives to tell you everything.” They shared a laugh. After a moment, Julianne finally admitted, “It’s been tough recently, but Brooks and I… we’re working through things. At the end of the day, we know we love each other. Sometimes that’s all that really matters, yknow?” Julianne smiled softly at her words, meaning them wholeheartedly.
Julianne wanted to add in how much she missed her dogs – the true loves of her life – but everyone already knew that. Plus, mentioning or even thinking about her loss shattered her to pieces. Losing them truly broke her world more than she could have ever imagined. She wished she had her old best friend with her to mourn with her; the one person who loved dogs just as much as she, if not more. Her former friend constantly crossed her mind, especially recently, and Julianne wondered if the woman missed her as much as she did.
Hayley reached over and patted Julianne’s hand. “Y’know what, Jules?” She looked up from their hands and back at the blonde. “I’m fortunate to soon be able to really call you my sister.”
Julianne grinned at that. “Ditto,” she winked back.
They sat in silence for a moment – a happier, more peaceful silence. Julianne sipped on her glass of red wine as they stared off into the night sky. It was 10pm and the only light that hit the sky was from the glow of the stars.
Eventually, Hayley looked over at Julianne again. She hesitated, Julianne noticed, before she admitted, “You know… I used to think you weren’t a huge fan of me.”
Julianne laughed softly, seemingly forced. She was caught off guard by the accusation and turned her full body back to the brunette. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know… You just, you used to seem so distant.”
Julianne winced at her words. She squinted, at a loss for her own. She scrambled her mind for a response to propitiate her but couldn’t find one.
“When we were on tour, everything seemed fine. We were all friends. But then the second the news hit that we were dating and we told everyone… something about you, about our friendship, it just sort of changed.”
Julianne closed her eyes for a second before looking back at the sky. She took her glass in hand and downed a big shot of it. She immediately missed the sense of peace they had shared just minutes earlier.
“I’m just overprotective.”
Hayley shot her a look.
Wrong, try again.
“I just didn’t want to see him hurt again.”
Not quite, try again.
Julianne looked over at Hayley and let out a deep breath. Her eyes found those of the newly engaged woman and she found solace. “Truth is,” Julianne paused, mulling her words over for a moment, “Derek has entered certain relationships and there have been times I think, ‘oh wow, this woman really is the one.’ I befriend her, we get along, she fits in the family, and then Derek gets left in the dust. It’s hard, seeing him get his hopes all tied up in a knot only to be left for someone else.”
Hayley gave her a look of complete empathy, not only for Julianne but for her fiancé. She didn’t mind hearing about Derek’s past. She was just happy to know she was finally receiving the truth.
Julianne eyed Hayley for assurance that she could continue. “And when that bond is broken and they don’t speak at all anymore, it’s a bit selfish on my part I guess, but I for one am not only losing the ability to see my brother happy but I lose a best friend too.” Julianne returned Hayley’s earlier gesture and patted her hand in return. “I do give him credit, though. Each new girl he became serious with was always better than the last. Of course, that only made me more curious about the new girl and whether she would meet the level that his prior relationship had.” Julianne smiled reassuringly at Hayley. “I didn’t want to see your friendship with him break, and I didn’t want to lose a friend. But after a year or two and seeing you guys in love and engaged, I truly am happy for you guys. You’re everything he ever needed.”
Hayley grinned at Julianne as a thank you for her honesty. She found relief from her words; the happiness she felt from what she had just said was radiating off of her. She then looked past the sliding door, the two of them suddenly remembering the rest of the party. An even brighter smile came onto Hayley’s face just then. Julianne felt a small one rise on hers as she watched her friend meet the eyes of her brother; the brunette winked and her fiancé smiled. Somehow, Julianne thought, even years later, there was still a slight tint of red that had fallen on her tan cheeks.
_______________________________
Once the engagement party was over, Hayley and Derek began getting ready for bed. It had been nice to see their closest family and friends gathered together to celebrate them and they were excited knowing it was only a preview for their wedding. They planned to have the ceremony within a few years, but they were in no rush to jump into things. Both valued the excitement of each day and acknowledged that the small moments mattered just as the big.
Still, Hayley was eager to start planning and had actually begun the night Derek had proposed. A romantic at heart, she wanted to have the fairytale wedding she had dreamed of since she was a little girl.
“Hey Derek,” Hayley started, looking through their desk. “Have you seen my journal?”
Derek was in their master bathroom, shaving. Shaving cream covered the lower part of his face as he turned to look at Hayley. “Can’t find it?”
She looked at him and shook his head before continuing to search.
“Uh, hey Der,” Hayley began again, but a bit more hesitantly. Her fingers slid down a 24” silver pendant. “What‘s this key for?” she asked, referring to the diamond encrusted key dangling from the chain.
Derek stopped in his tracks when he saw what she was talking about. He became silent. Hayley had access to just about everything Derek owned, so it was out of the ordinary for Hayley to find something she didn’t know about. “It’s just an old thing, it doesn’t really have a use anymore,” he shrugged off.
Hayley studied Derek knowing something was off about him. She thought she knew him better than anyone else did which also meant she knew he wouldn’t be giving her any answers right at that moment. She would simply have to ask him later. She then went back to examining the necklace, knowing it didn’t belong to Derek. “Well, it’s beautiful,” she murmured under her breath.
_______________________________
After her talk with Hayley, Julianne realized she needed to do more than just think things through. And she knew just where to start.
A few days after the party, Julianne was sitting in her bedroom, alone as usual, no dogs, no husband. She was staring at her wall, trying to build the courage to go through with her plan. After a moment, she grabbed her phone and searched through her contact list. She hesitated, but with the help of two glasses of wine, she had been able to finally call Maria.
A week later, Julianne and Maria met up. It was 9pm and after having dinner, they decided to take a walk. For dinner, they chose to grab burgers and beer: Maria’s favorite. When Julianne brought up the idea, Maria had initially turned it down, insisting that Julianne pick as she knew she was the one who had the making up to do. Julianne still persisted, and Maria decided to even the deal by volunteering to pay for both of their meals.
It was dark outside and they were being guided by the streetlights. They had been walking for ten minutes, talking about anything and everything. They loved being able to finally catch up on each other’s lives.
Eventually there was a short silence and Julianne looked over at her friend. Spending quality time with the journalist for the first time in years gave her a sense of comfort she hadn’t felt in weeks.
“Maria?” Julianne murmured softly.
“Mhm?”
“Thank you for agreeing to spend time with me.”
Maria smiled. “No, thank you for inviting me.” Maria teasingly nudged Julianne’s shoulder with her own. “It’s been nice to get out of the house. I really missed you.”
Julianne grinned in response. “I missed you too.” Part of her wanted to admit that she wished she had reached out to her sooner, but she decided otherwise.
All night they had managed to avoid talking about the falling-out between Maria and Derek. Maria was surprised Julianne hadn’t brought it up; thinking that was why she had invited her, she had even gone through a few lines in her head to prepare for the conversation. She had been on edge all night, expecting one of them to bring up the subject—but nothing.
While they continued walking, Maria's eyes eventually landed on Julianne’s finger. Since the moment she saw her that night, Maria had sensed something may have happened, but the sight of a missing ring confirmed it. “I can tell you don’t want to talk about it,” Julianne looked at her, first confused and then stunned, “but I’m always here if you ever need me.
Maria could always tell what was on Julianne’s mind. She understood what to say and when without pushing it too far too early. Julianne realized that even with Maria and Derek not being on the best terms, Maria was still going to be there for her, always. Their friendship wasn’t and had never been conditional on Maria and Derek’s relationship. She then affirmed that maybe it was possible Maria could continue to be the honorary Hough.
Maria grabbed Julianne’s hand in comfort. “Also, my babies do miss you. The pups could use some Aunt Jules time.”
Julianne couldn’t help but smile. “Well, they are cute,” she giggled with Maria.
When Maria began looking around her again, a sudden sense of familiarity hit her.
“Jules… isn’t this—”
She was so distracted taking in her surroundings, she hadn’t noticed that Julianne had left her side and was now in front of her, against what looked like a hidden wall.
Julianne smiled. “Derek’s old apartment?” She pointed to her right, and nodded. Before Derek and Hayley became serious and moved in together, Derek had lived in the apartment and it hadn’t taken long for Maria to learn the code to it. They used to sneak inside for extended alone time, during and after their season ended. “But this, this is something separate.”
She pushed past branches just then and opened what had actually been a door.
Maria raised her eyebrows, surprised by the reveal. Julianne motioned her to go inside and she complied.
“Wow,” Maria said under her breath. The moment she entered the room, a chill crawled down her spine. Whoever said that weddings were the most beautiful settings were terribly mistaken.
This place was by far the most magical thing she had seen in her entire life.
This felt like home.
Maria had only taken a few steps in before becoming frozen in place. She was absolutely mesmerized. Maria’s eyes wandered the expansive space and quickly she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. The room was currently dark with string lights providing the only true light source. On the left and right walls lined all of her Dancing with the Stars costumes. There were speakers in the left and right corners of the wall closest to the corner door. In between, at the back wall, blue and pink, separated by purple, paint splatters were found. The mirror wall was on the far wall; above the mirror was a large neon light spelling the words “menough said.” In the left corner between the mirror and the barre were mannequins with the shirts Maria and Derek had designed that had the same phrase written on them. There was slight dust in the room, she had noticed. But it definitely didn’t distract from the captivating space.
Last but not least, behind the costumes hung framed pictures. Maria could feel a lump build in her throat as she realized that her wedding photos she had framed in her closet had never elicited this much emotion from her. There was a range of pictures of her and Derek goofing off in rehearsal, dancing on stage, from their trip to Las Vegas, and even from them just goofing off post-season at one of their houses.
“Julianne, you did all of this?” Maria’s voice cracked. She had walked to the right wall and was eyeing the picture of her and Derek eating burgers in New York. Pain struck through her heart from the simple memory of how perfect things had been during that trip. When they were able to be in their own little world, even for just a little bit.
“Still giving the other Hough all the credit, are you?”
Maria’s eyes widened. She froze again, her eyes glued to the frame. Part of her was terrified, anxious, to turn around, while the other part of her felt as if her heart had just jumped out of her chest and she was physically incapable of moving.
The voice was deeper. The scent, familiar.
She felt hands push her hair to her left shoulder before tying around her neck what felt like a necklace. The touch had caused her heart to skip a beat and chills to rise up her arms. The soul-stirring sensation couldn’t be mistaken.
“Derek…” she murmured more to herself than to the voice.
Maria closed her eyes for a moment and tried to catch her breath before turning around.
“Do you like your new dance studio?” Derek asked once his eyes met hers. He caught himself smiling at Maria; just like all those times before, it was helpless. Simply seeing her lifted his spirits.
Maria, still speechless, turned to look from Derek to his sister.
The night of the engagement party, Julianne had stayed the night in the guest room. As she went to grab a glass of water, she heard Derek and Hayley discussing the key and she had pulled Derek aside to talk about it. He had mentioned the idea to Julianne years ago but she hadn’t known he would go through with it.
Julianne realized this was the last time she could play matchmaker.
Julianne looked at Maria; she grinned and shrugged in response. “Coffee date, Monday, 8am. Don’t forget.” She winked at her friend, pressed play on the remote, and closed the door behind her.
Derek chuckled, looking down shyly before looking back at the beauty in front of him.
“I got this studio for you a few months after our season ended. I was thrilled that you were so passionate about dance and I wanted to think I was a part of that.”
Maria gazed deeply into his blue eyes, her own eyes glowing. She nodded slightly at his last words before he continued.
“I realized you could just add a studio to your house, but I thought it’d be nice for us to continue dancing together here, just for our own enjoyment.” He paused. “I mean, it’s been years and I know things didn’t quite go like how I had hoped and now we don’t really have a reason for privacy and you have your own personal instructor and…” He stopped, noticing he was rambling and upsetting himself with his own words.
Maria took a step forward. “Derek, this is—” Maria began, but her voice got interrupted by the music. She instantly recognized Julianne had chosen the song, Please Stay, by Francois Klark.
These four walls became a home
Since the day you walked in
She was ready to express how much the gift had meant to her. How it was genuinely the most beautiful thing she had ever seen — far surpassing any party she could ever throw, including her own wedding. How she could see how much time and thought he put into each little detail, details that not only meant everything to her, but for him as well.
But as they saw a matching twinkle in the other’s eyes, they knew that conversation could be saved for later.
My heart ceased to be alone
“Would you like to dance?” Derek asked, reaching out his hand.
Since the moment that you took my hand and
Maria could feel her heartbeat quicken, a flash of red hitting her cheeks. Her eyes were still wet with tears and she sniffed.
She took hold of his hand.
“Always.”
pulled me closer
Derek pulled Maria in close to him, his arms naturally falling around her waist, her arms around his neck.
He pressed his lips against her forehead, causing Maria to blush redder.
Kissed me unexpectedly
And told me it’s ‘cause you want me to know what I'd be missing
If I didn't call you back
They held each other and swayed to the music, cherishing the moment between them.
I picked up the phone,
How could I have known that one day I would be the one to say
Please stay, don’t go
Please stay, don’t go
Please stay, don’t go
I can't live inside these walls if it ain't you that I came home to
“This is nice,” Maria said softly.
“The studio?”
“Yes, but also…” Maria pulled back slightly so her eyes could meet his. “Just being here with you. I never thought I could miss someone as much as I missed you.”
“We still talk sometimes,” Derek replied, though perplexed by his own words.
Maria raised her eyebrows at him in disbelief and they both smirked. They both understood he was alluding to the very few social media interactions and how minimal meaning they held. Especially recently.
Maria lay her head on Derek’s shoulder. In his ear, she murmured, “You were my best friend, Derek.”
I don't think we will survive
“I know,” Derek whispered, reversing his earlier statement.
on just hello every now and then on a small screen
“I really missed my Greek Goddess.”
Hearing Derek call her by the nickname he had once coined caused Maria to smile softly.
I say goodnight when by you the morning rise
and another day will pass by
Derek dipped Maria and as she came back up, he found himself pressing his forehead against hers. “You always did bring a different light to my life.”
That I can't kiss you quietly
Like I used to when you came to bed,
Laid your head upon my chest
Instead I lie here on my own
Trying to forget that you already left
as my words echo in this empty bed
Please stay, don’t go
For the last few beats of the song, Derek decided to lead Maria through different moves from their Viennese Waltz. He was pleasantly surprised that she had remembered a lot of it. As they listened to the remainder of the song, they could feel their heartbeats rising with awe of its relevance.
I can't fall asleep without the shape of you that I fit into
Julianne knew just how to get to them.
I wish I met you at a different time
When neither one of us would have to go
Is it wrong of me to hope that someday we might meet again
And that our stars would realign
As the song came to a close, they remained in a tight embrace. Neither of them wanted the moment to end. Eventually, Derek kissed her cheek before pulling away and smiling softly at her. It was his turn to turn a bit red. He bit his lip; Maria looked as gorgeous as ever.
“Mar…” Derek breathed, looking down before looking back at Maria.
Please stay, don’t go.
Maria looked back at him expectantly.
Please stay, don’t go.
He wanted to tell her how beautiful she looked and the eruption of feelings that had returned to him; but instead he shook his head at the thought. “I’m really glad you like the studio and that I could be your first dance.”
Please stay, don’t go.
Maria let out a nervous giggle; the same one that Derek had fallen in love with all those years back. “Somehow you were a lot of my firsts,” she joked back, which caused him to turn redder. She smiled at that.
I can’t fall asleep without the shape of you that I fit into
Derek looked at her peacefully until his brain and the end of the song brought him back to reality. “I do have to go though,” he declared regretfully. “But let me know if you ever want a dance lesson or someone to grab a bite to eat with. I’m—” Derek stopped himself from casually saying the words “I’m your guy,” and instead revised it to, “I’m always a call away.”
Maria smiled and nodded, though sad their time had to be cut so quickly. She murmured a thank you and Derek turned and made his way for the door.
Maria watched as her former dance instructor walked one foot after the other to the door. Her fingers reached to the key dangling on her necklace. It took a moment but she worked up the courage to speak.
“And Derek?”
Derek stopped walking, a foot away from the door.
“I’ll be sure to be there.”
There was a short silence before Derek finally turned to look at Maria. He wore a look of absolute puzzlement.
“At your wedding. You know, if you decide to invite me.” Maria forced a small smile. Derek hadn’t told her he had gotten engaged. No one had. She just knew. Maria did know him better than anyone. No one would change that, at least. Not even his fiancée.
“That’s why you’re here, right?” she continued as she took a step forward and looked at the professional dancer. “You wanted to do the one last thing so you could move on.” Maria traced the edges of the key. She walked over to Derek. She looked into his eyes, hesitating before pressing her lips against his cheek. “Thank you. Not only for the dance studio. But for everything.”
Derek looked down and found his hand gravitating to hers. He couldn’t stop it even if he wanted to. There was a small silence where their eyes locked and they got lost in each other. It reminded them of when they were in the Dancing with the Stars studio, when everything was simpler yet not so simple; when they’d take a break from rehearsal, their hands interlaced together, when just gazing into each other’s eyes and grinning cheek to cheek had said more than words ever could.
“I… I have to go, she’s waiting in the car.” Derek shook his head at his inability to say Hayley’s name. He was too choked up.
Maria smiled. “I know.” She knew Derek wouldn’t have just snuck around with her. Of course he’d tell his true love everything. She rubbed her thumb against his. “I really am happy for you, Derek. You deserve someone who can love you with their entire being. Someone who would never leave you or have you guessing their next move or force you to lie to the universe about your love for her.” Maria released her hand from his. “You know… like I had you do.”
Derek closed the distance between them again. He felt tears well up in his eyes, a feat hard to accomplish. His lips curled into a small but sad smile as he pressed his lips to her forehead.
Without realizing it, Maria felt her hands clasp back behind Derek’s neck as she wrapped her arms around him, the same feeling of home returning to them both. She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, as Derek kept his forehead pressed against hers, his hands finding the small of her back.
Maria and Derek felt like they were taken back to 2012. They could feel their hearts beating in synchronization. Their hearts were throbbing, aching for more. Maria bit her lip as she found her eyes looking down at his lips.
Just like all those times before, Maria could feel the two of them moving, inch by inch, their stomachs twisting in knots as they felt their lips gravitating to each other.
Whatever it was, it felt right, Derek had once said about their rumba kiss.
Maria sighed against his lips and Derek felt his lips go dry.
Flashbacks of their rumba, salsa, rehearsals, argentine tango, trips to Vegas and NYC, and several moments outside of the show flashed through both of their minds. The oh-very-familiar tension between them was very present and they could feel their bodies preparing themselves for what was coming next.
However. Something happened that had never happened before.
Derek brushed his lips against Maria’s before decidedly forcing himself away. He kept his arms around Maria’s waist, not wanting to let go; Maria kept her head on his shoulder, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to escape. A few minutes passed between them as they took in what had just transpired.
Not once since they met had he turned Maria down.
Derek shut his eyes, trying to sort through the thoughts jumbling through his mind. He wanted to kiss her. After all these years, he still wanted to kiss her. Even when he was truly, deeply, happily, in love with his fiancée, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her.
But he couldn’t.
After a moment, Derek could feel Maria’s body shake slightly, followed by a small whimper. And then a sniff.
Derek raked his fingers through Maria’s hair in comfort. He rubbed circles across the small of her back as he whispered in her ear, “I love you, Maria. I always will.”
Maria stayed silent for a moment and Derek could swear he felt a tear drop onto his back.
He continued running his hand through her hair as he laid a gentle kiss on her shoulder.
“I’m always going to be in love with you, Derek Hough.”
It was at that moment that Maria realized for the first time why she had allowed herself to fall for Derek. She wasn’t in love with Keven. She had never been in love with Keven. She never wanted to be around or let her walls down or be as intimate with someone as much as she wanted to with Derek. All those years, Maria had been physically attached to Keven but her heart had always been elsewhere. The feelings and connection she had with Derek were irreplaceable, untouchable, unimaginable, unseeable with anyone else.
But Derek? Maria knew the one thing in the entire universe that stopped Derek from kissing her was the woman whom he had given the engagement ring to. He was truly and completely in love with Hayley Erbert. And once Derek hugged Maria long enough for her to stop weeping, he slowly let go of her, inch by inch: first the forehead, then the arm around the waist, and finally the hand she had long lost privilege to.
Please stay, don't go.
The lyric echoed, achingly, in her ear as if Julianne had pressed play again.
Maria watched it all fade away. The foreseeable future she had once dreamed of was now nothing but an unachievable dream. She didn’t know it until just then, but once Derek left and she was all alone in her own personal studio, she realized that she may have fulfilled the dreams her parents had long aspired for her, but her own personal dream, the one she valued the most, was now lost forever.
I can't live inside these walls if it ain't you that I came home to.
And she knew. She knew the only thing at fault was herself.
#maria menounos#derek hough#menough#menough said#dancing with the stars#dwts#fanfic#fanfiction#mine: fanfiction#mine#julianne hough#it literally hurt my heart writing this#i had to take multiple breaks just to recollect myself#i feel like i'm the only one whose heart will be broken reading this but stillll#also this is far longer than i had imagined i really had no idea where it was going to go at first#tbh it's sort of a combination of multiple random thoughts and ideas that ended up going well together i think
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Two Peculiar Admirers | Shuntaro Chishiya, Suguru Niragi
PART 1 | PART 2
{Alice In Borderland Masterlist}
Characters: Chishiya, Niragi (ft. Kuina)
Summary: Niragi finally finds some time alone with you, but of course, Chishiya is right on his tail.
Warnings: swearing, suggestive themes, conflict, angst, mention of sexual assault
Word Count: 3.3k
Author’s Note: The ending is a little unrealistic because I wasn’t sure how else to conclude it. This is for you anon!
You and Chishiya slowly made your way down to the pool to spend the next few hours at with Kuina. On the way, Chishiya had to keep sniffing and wiping his nose to stop the blood dripping. It made you frown. There was no way just smacking his nose would make it bleed that much.
Chishiya soon asked you a question that was itching in the back of his mind. “So, you know Niragi huh?” he questioned, looking at you.
You looked back at him confused. “Huh?”
“I said so you know Niragi?”
“Oh,” you understood, turning your head ahead of you again. “Yeah, I know him. We aren’t close, but he seems to think we are.” You laughed at the statement, seeming to find it as a joke almost. But Chishiya was not laughing.
“Yeah, I know,” he said bluntly. “Look I know you may think he just has some harmless crush on you, but he honestly is a really evil person Y/N.”
Chishiya wasn’t sure what he was going to get out of telling you that. Was he generally worried for your safety around Niragi? Or did he just want you all to himself? He didn’t know his aim himself.
You furrowed your eyebrows. You didn’t like the way he was talking to you, like you were stupid or something.
“Chishiya, I know. I’m not an idiot,” you said, matter-of-factly.
Chishiya had a small moment of panic. He was afraid he had offended you. “Yeah, I know! That is not what I meant at all,” he recollected himself, waving his hands in front of him in worry.
You both then walked in silence the rest of the way down to the pool. It was rather awkward after that, making the air a bit tense. Chishiya wanted desperately to restart a conversation but he couldn’t think of anything to say.
When you arrived at the back entrance of the hotel that led out to the pool, as soon as the large glass doors opened your ears rang from the loud music. It was the same as every night, people drunkenly dancing and trying to make the best of their own lives while they lasted.
Chishiya quickly scanned the area. There was no way he’d be able to keep an eye out for Niragi in this kind of crowd. He thought it was best he just stayed close to you in case the insistent man decided to approach you.
He turned towards you to see you distracted by a few rowdy people by the pool. He reached out and carefully linked his arm with yours and pulled you towards him.
You turned around, surprised by the sudden bold move and looked up at Chishiya, but he didn’t meet eyes with you. You shrugged and just thought it was his attempt of flirting.
Chishiya dragged you around the area looking for Kuina. He kept you joined as his hip, sometimes accidentally pulling you a little too harshly by the arm and making you wince in pain. He was lowkey freaking you out. He’s never acted like this before.
When he found Kuina over on a small, secluded table near the wall, he breathed a sigh of relief. At least he wouldn’t have to face Niragi alone now if he found him.
“Kuina!” you yelled out as you saw her too. She shifted her eyes and saw you and Chishiya, a smile painting itself across her attractive face. You pulled your arm out of Chishiya’s grip and ran over to her.
Chishiya watched and grinned happily at you two as you jumped into her arms for a big hug. He was glad to have you with him. At least when you were by his side, he can protect you from that homicidal prick.
You all sat down, sipping drinks that Kuina went and got from the bar for all of you. All three of you enjoyed yourselves and laughed at each other’s jokes and stories from life before the Borderlands. It felt nice to connect with your friends more emotionally.
You stood up after a while and turned to the two of them. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom,” you said. After drinking multiple margaritas, you were a bit dizzy and desperate for the toilet.
Chishiya stood up quickly. “I’m coming with you,” he said, already climbing out of his seat.
You shook your hands towards him. “No, no, no! Chishiya it’s fine! I can go by myself. Thanks anyway though.” You sent a cheeky wink his way and started walking away from the table.
Chishiya watched as you started getting further and further away from him. He began slightly panicking. He knew that if Niragi saw a chance to get you alone, he wouldn’t hesitate to take it.
Before he could even stand up again, Kuina grabbed his arm, making him turn his attention towards her. “Oi, what’s your deal tonight? You’ve been bouncing your leg under the table and fiddling with every little thing. The hell has got you so worried?” Kuina asked with a curious look on her face.
Chishiya glanced quickly back towards you to check you weren’t that far before turning back to Kuina. “I think Niragi’s been stalking Y/N. I’ve been keeping an eye out because I’m worried that he’ll snatch her the moment she’s alone,” he whispered to her.
Kuina’s eyes widened in shock. “Niragi’s after her?! For what?!” she whisper-yelled.
Chishiya shook his head in uncertainty. “I’m not too sure, but he seems to show a lot of interest in her,” he said, turning to see you making your way through the entrance to the hotel.
“I have to go.” He shot up out of his seat and tried to evade his way through the crowd that suddenly appeared near the entrance. His anxiety spiked as you left his sight, and he began panicking on the inside. He had to get to you before Niragi did.
But through his panic, he failed to notice the tall man follow you inside, closely behind with his usual rifle slung over his shoulder. He finally caught you alone, and he wasn’t going to waste the time he had.
*************
You happily strolled down the few hallways to reach the lobby. There was a women’s bathroom nearby there that you could go to, so you slowly were making your way there.
You didn’t expect your path to be so abruptly interrupted by a sudden hand over your mouth. Your eyes widened and you instantly gripped the hand’s wrist, attempting to pull it off. You thrashed around violently and your heart pumped adrenaline through your body widely as the stranger locked their other arm around your waist, beginning to pull you backwards into a nearby room.
You kicked and bashed your body against them to try and break free, but nothing was working. This person was much taller and much stronger than you.
As you saw the door frames appear on either side of you, you reached out and gripped it as tight as you could, attempting to pull yourself out of their grasp urgently. You were panicking, screaming against the hand that was over your mouth to alert someone nearby, but no one would’ve been able to hear you.
Your stomach dropped as your attacker pulled harshly suddenly, almost breaking your fingers gripping desperately on the door frame from the force. They slipped from the wood and you fell backwards into the stranger’s chest. They quickly regained their balance from your fall and kicked the door shut with their foot.
You still had fight in you, giving them a painful jab to the ribcage with your elbow. They groaned in pain and their grip loosened on you, allowing you to take your chance and crawl away towards the closed door.
But they saw your plan and grabbed you by the ankle, pulling you back violently towards them causing you to almost faceplant onto the floorboards below you. They got to their feet quickly and jumped over you to the door, locking it in a rush then turning back to you.
As you regained your strength and kneeled back onto your heels to get away from, you noticed their familiar face. Of course, it was him.
“Niragi?! What the fuck?!” you exclaimed, stumbling to your feet and holding onto the wall for support.
“I thought you were someone else! What the hell was that for?!” you yelled at him.
Niragi dropped his rifle to the ground. How he managed to still have it on him after that you had no idea. But the look he was giving you now made you not care so much.
“I did that because I wanted to do this.”
Before you could even retort against his statement, Niragi rushed to you and pressed you harshly against the wall with his hands on your waist while pressing his lips against yours.
Your heart stopped. You didn’t know what to do. You stayed completely frozen in his arms as he began moving his mouth against yours, sliding his tongue along your bottom lip. That’s when you came to terms with what was happening.
You pressed your hands against his chest and shoved. Niragi stumbled back with a smirk painted on his pierced face.
You couldn’t say anything. You were so in shock.
“Aw, have I left my little mouse speechless? It would be a first for you wouldn’t it sweetie?” he cooed, cradling your cheeks in his hands and lifting your head so you were looking directly into his eyes.
“You’re so beautiful, I just want to eat you up.” He pressed his lips against yours again, placing a gentle hand on your neck to turn your head sideways to make the kiss deeper.
You slowly closed your eyes and melted into his kiss, making him smirk against your lips. It felt strange. This man has done nothing but annoy you and stalk you the whole time you’ve been at The Beach, yet that moment felt so right.
You wrapped your arms around his upper back and balled his buttoned shirt into your fists as you leant closer to him, making him snake his arms around your waist to pull your closer, if that was even possible.
You pulled back from him after a couple of minutes, leaving a trail of saliva between your lips. You laughed and wiped your mouth before looking into his darkened eyes.
Niragi growled as he felt your hands slowly make their way under his shirt. “Are you sure you want to do this now?” he asked, raising a suggestive eyebrow to you.
“Isn’t that why you tackled me into this room with you?” you fired back, running your hands along his broad back.
Niragi chuckled and smirked. “I guess so.” He yet again crashed his lips onto yours, continuing where you left off.
Just as you felt him moving his hands lower on your body, the door handle suddenly jiggled violently from the other side, making you and Niragi jump in surprise. Someone was trying to get into the room.
“Y/N?! Are you in there?!” you heard them yell. It was Chishiya, you could recognize that voice anywhere.
You turned your head towards the door, thinking whether you should answer him or not. Niragi groaned in front of you, annoyed about being interrupted. “Just leave him, he’ll leave soon,” he said, leaning his head down and running his tongue along your neck to get your attention on him again.
You thought for a second before turning back to him again. “Okay.”
Before you knew it, the door suddenly erupted with a huge bang, making it shake violently. “What the fuck?!” Niragi yelled in surprise. He wasn’t expecting Chishiya to get so insistent so quickly.
“Y/N?! Y/N are you in there?! Answer me!” He sounded a bit desperate. He probably heard Niragi swear, making his suspicions rise.
You pushed on Niragi’s chest to get him to give you space to move. But he refused staying tightly pressed against you, almost covering your entire body with his.
You frowned up at him. “Niragi, please move!” you begged him, pushing against him with more force.
“Why? Why does it matter if Chishiya sees us?” he questioned you.
He had a point. Why did you care so much if Chishiya saw you? It should not matter to you, but why did it?
You took too long to think about what to do before the hinges of the door came loose from Chishiya’s barging. It gave way and he stumbled in, locking eyes with the scene before him.
There you stood, pressed up against the wall by Niragi with dark bites littering your neck. He felt sick from the sight.
Before you could even defend yourself or say anything, Chishiya barged his whole body towards Niragi, causing him to lose his footing from the impact and fall onto the ground, his temple narrowly missing the corner of the bed.
“How fucking dare you! You really think you can act all sleazy and creepy towards Y/N without me noticing?! As soon as she left the table, I knew something was bound to happen! And look where I found her! Forced up against a wall by you with fear all over her face! You really think I’m that fucking stupid Niragi?!” Chishiya spat out harsh words to Niragi over and over while you stood there awkwardly, trying to think of something to say.
After Chishiya had finished he turned around and had a worried expression. “Oh my god, Y/N are you okay? Where did he hurt you?” he asked in a panicky tone. He checked all over your body for any more bruise marks or any other injuries, worried that Niragi had harmed you.
“Um…” you said, not knowing what to say.
Chishiya stopped in his actions when he heard a sickening laugh behind him. He turned around to see Niragi throwing his head back and letting out the loudest and most psychotic laugh he had ever heard. Anger boiled in his blood.
“What the fuck are you laughing at?” he said harshly.
Niragi regained his breath and pressed his hand against his chest, trying to calm his heartbeat. “Oh Chishiya, you’re so idiotic. Trust me, she wanted it,” he chuckled, climbing back to his feet.
Chishiya frowned at him. “What do you mean? Of course she didn’t.”
“Oh, then how do you explain her kissing me back? Or running her hands up and down my back? Or her moaning underneath my tongue on her neck?” Niragi licked his teeth like a dog to annoy Chishiya.
You knew that last part wasn’t true. Niragi was most likely telling fibs to push Chishiya’s buttons.
Chishiya turned back to you with a hurt expression. You couldn’t look him in the eyes. You were now feeling ashamed for even being attracted to the deluded man in the first place.
Your actions spoke louder than words as he understood what you meant. He looked down and shook his head before lifting his feet and walking towards the broken door briskly.
“Wait, no. Chishiya,” you said, grabbing his arm to stop him from leaving. He stopped and looked you in the eye with his empty orbs.
“I-I… I don’t know what to say,” you admitted, lowering your head in shame and loosening your hold on his arm.
“No, it’s fine Y/N. You don’t have to say anything,” he said in his usual careless tone. “I get it. I just think you could’ve told me that you weren’t interested in a nicer way than this.”
He ripped his arm out of your grasp and made his way out of the room. You felt your heart rate pick up as you watched him disappear around the corner. You couldn’t let him leave like that.
As you were just about to chase him out, you looked back to Niragi, who had watched the whole ordeal that just happened between you and Chishiya.
“So, you want to meet me at my room at one?” he asked in a suggestive tone.
You cringed at his words. “Go to hell,” you spat before following Chishiya to try and reason with him.
Niragi smirked at your words. “Ah, there she is. There’s the flame I fell in love with,” he mumbled to himself. He leant down and grabbed his rifle off the ground and slung it over his shoulders. “Maybe next time, when we don’t have any interruptions.”
***************
“Chishiya!”
You jogged to keep up with his fast pace down the hall, making his way back to the pool to see Kuina again. He ignored your yelling, wanting to be far away from you at that moment.
“Chishiya can you please just listen to me!” you said desperately, grabbing his shoulder to turn him to you.
Chishiya suddenly whipped his head around to meet your saddened eyes. “For what Y/N?! Why are you following me?! Why don’t you go back to Niragi?! You seemed awfully comfortable with him when I found you!” he exclaimed. His yelling echoed down the hall, making it seem louder than it was.
You felt tears begin to make their way down your cheeks. You felt helpless in that moment.
You knew that Chishiya liked you more than a friend, but he had always remained such a gentleman to you. He never made you uncomfortable or overstepped your boundaries, so why did you kiss the man that had been stalking you? Who had been saying creepy comments towards you every day? For crying out loud he forced you into an empty room with him. Why did you kiss him when you already had such a lovely and attractive man right in front of you?
You couldn’t help yourself. You grabbed Chishiya by the collar of his hoodie with both hands and pulled him towards you, crashing your lips against his. He didn’t react at first, probably due to shock. But soon, he relaxed and placed his hand on the back of your head and another on your waist.
This felt right. Kissing Chishiya felt more loving and more compassionate than kissing Niragi. Why didn’t you kiss him first? It was honestly a stupid mistake.
You two stayed in the hallway for some time, moving your lips against one another’s passionately. Chishiya was the first to pull away.
He was angry at himself. He shouldn’t have enjoyed that after seeing you with Niragi. But at this point, he was so desperate for the smallest bit of love that he didn’t care.
“Why?” he asked, brushing a piece of hair out of your face gently. You looked into his eyes deeply and smiled sadly at the small specks of tears growing in his eye sockets.
“Because Chishiya, I didn’t realize what I had until I almost lost it,” you said, wiping your thumb underneath this eye to collect his tears before they escaped.
Chishiya kept a neutral face, not knowing how to respond. He was so happy that you liked him back, even if he had to go through a free trial of hell to find out.
He could feel more tears building up in his eyes, so he brought his lips back to yours to distract him from crying. He closed his eyes and let the waterfalls cascade down his face, some mixing with yours that remained on your cheeks.
You both stood in the hallway alone, no one around to interrupt or come between you. Chishiya cherished the moment while it lasted. If having you like this in his arms every day, pressed as close to you as possible both physically and emotionally, then he thought life would be worth living a little longer.
He could deal with a punch to the face from Niragi every now and then if he’s got you to look after him.
#alice in borderland#alice in borderland imagines#alice in borderland imagine#alice in borderland one shots#aib#aib imagines#aib imagine#aib one shots#chishiya#shuntaro chishiya#chishiya imagines#chishiya imagine#chishiya one shots#chishiya x reader#niragi#suguru niragi#niragi imagines#niragi imagine#niragi one shots#niragi x reader#chishiya x reader x niragi#niragi x reader x chishiya
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We meet again? Boy wonder.
tags: No smut, more or less fluff but not pathetic fluff, gender isnt specified because im nb and that would be hypocritical.
‘ My my, retired the robin attire Mr Grayson?’
Dick Grayson attempted to break himself out of the restraints he woke up in.
An hour or so before, Dick Grayson was thoroughly enjoying a cup of whiskey, the amber liquid shining in the lights of his kitchen.
He done this often after your sudden disappearance, your apartment completely empty and your workplace haven’t heard much either.
Yet now, here you both were, him tied by rope onto one of his smaller chairs, trying to look at whoever had put him in such a situation.
‘ What? You don’t remember me now?’ You asked with a more deadpan tone, his eyes widening as he looked at you. You’ve certainly changed.
Unlike your original, loose fitting black ‘work’ attire which consisted of a long leather jacket, black doc martens and various gun holsters, you wore a tight-fitting white suit that also contained a hood which drooped over most of your forehead and maybe even your eyes.
‘ H-How did you get into my apartment?’ He wondered with furrowed brows, now deciding to not wriggle against his current restraints seeing as though it was only you.
Your question caused you to laugh, now removing the white mask that covered your mouth, even taking out your white eye contacts.
‘ Out of all the things you’d ask me after all these months- you ask about how I got here?’ You arched your brow as you spoke, finally making eye contact with Grayson after many months.
His lack of response had said enough, he was still fairly adamant to know how you got here. Understandable.
‘ You gave me a spare key when we first started talking more, insisted on me popping in to check on you’
‘ Yeah I meant check- not smoke up my house and tie me up’ he almost exclaimed, looking up at you as you stepped closer towards him.
‘ My my, we meet again boy wonder, you miss me at all?’ You asked with your signature smile, finally allowing yourself to be off guard seeing as though you left a broken bottle of whiskey right next to his chair.
‘ I’d be lying if i said i didn’t’ He admitted with a slight smile, his auburn eyes transfixed on you with admiration.
You carefully took your white brass-knuckled gloves off, revealing the new scars that decorated your fingers, causing Grayson’s eyes to widen.
‘ What happened? and could you get me out of these restraints for god sake?’ He inquired, both eager and concerned. Willingly, you cut him out of the multiple ropes you tied him in.
‘ Sorry about the ropes boy wonder, I wanted to surprise you’
‘ You certainly did’
Once Grayson was fully released, he aggressively pushed you into him, hugging you with a breath of relief.
‘ I thought you fucking died’ He admitted, your mouth curling into a slight smirk as you bit your lip at his words.
‘So you really did miss me, I mean I was told you even came to my work place Grayson’ You relayed to him, his eyes averting from yours in embarrassment.
Not listening to any muttering he may have shared, you slowly walked around his house, observing the pictures he had placed around his house, eventually getting up to a large board about your disappearance.
‘ Went all FBI on me? Jesus you could’ve just waited’ You almost laughed, leaning back on your leg as you crossed your arms, Dick Grayson eventually walking towards the board in referral.
Scanning the board diligently, you came across the various ‘villains’ and anti heroes you’ve ever come across in your career- post it notes with words in annotations surrounding their pictures.
‘ Did you interrogate all of these guys? Do you want me killed?’ You asked, turning to his direction, his posture almost nonchalant at your questions/complaints.
‘ It was a last resort’ He admitted, causing you to role your eyes before going back to his half drank glass of whiskey.
‘ What’s the drink for? I was just gonna sleep on your couch to surprise you but I saw you were awake- mind telling me what you were doing?’, Your words caused Grayson’s eyes to wonder around vigorously, almost as if he was dreading the question.
‘ Thinking’ He answered dismissing any excess discussion, in which you continued regardless.
‘ About what? you know you can talk to me Grayson’, your face softened, an expression that Grayson hadn’t gotten the privilege to see in what seemed like forever.
‘ I was thinking of you’
‘ As you do.’
‘ I thought you were in serious shit, and by the look of your eye-bags and scarred knuckles you clearly have been’ He stated, taking his hand in yours in order to look at the scars dusted across them.
‘ Had some unfinished business’
You removed your hand from his, opening the lid to a bottle of red wine.
‘ In Gotham’ You added on before taking a swig of wine; not caring enough to pour it into a glass. Grayson was displeased by your words, eyes narrowing in slight disappointment.
‘ What? with who?’ Grayson asked with almost wide eyes, hands now placing themselves on his hips.
‘ You aren’t going to like what I’m saying, and I’m letting you know that it was because I had to’ You disclaimed, tone breathy as you built courage to say the name.
‘ I don’t care- just who?’ Dick asked with furrowed brows, curiosity occupying him.
‘ Deadshot’ You spoke with a sigh, eyes closing as Grayson began to speak.
‘ What? Do you know how dangerous that man is? Are you asking to be killed?’ He whisper shouted due to the time at night.
‘ It was his daughter okay, she was in danger and I owed him a few favours’ You excused, hearing an almost disappointed sigh.
‘ Listen, as long as you’re alright and have no loose ends- you’re okay’
‘ About that- I may or may not had been arrested at some point’
Grayson’s eyes widened, if it wasn’t for the time he would’ve shouted his head off; but you could already tell that he was fucking pissed.
‘ I know I know it was only for interfering with evidence alright God- It’s why I was out for so long and so off radar’ You admitted, now taking your nth swig of wine.
‘ I could’ve bailed you out’ He spoke confidently, surprised at your un-caring response.
‘ No need, Mr Bruce did that for me’ You admitted again, Graysons eyes widening more than you thought was possible.
‘ What?? Is it on your record?’ He asked almost fully pissed off, his longing for you almost sugarcoating the severity of his tone.
‘ Nope, didn’t have the chance to install it before Mr Wayne came to my rescue’ You answered, tone slightly impressed.
‘ So that’s where you got the suit? Alfred whip that one up for you?’ He asked, eyes scanning you up and down in which you grabbed his shoulder tightly and said;
‘ I know you like it, and yeah he did’ You answered in a low tone, looking down at yourself even more impressed than when you first got it.
‘ Fairly impractical for a vigilante like you, don’t you think?’ He asked, brows contorted in both amusement and confusion.
‘ Right, also about that- I’m off that kinda shit now, thought i’d take up your offer about helping you and the others out’
And with that, Nightwing’s face almost lit up like a flashlight, a genuine smile painted across his face.
‘ You’re fucking with me’ He almost shouted, you having to cover his mouth as you nodded.
You hadn’t expected Grayson to be as happy as he was, let alone even keep you here for as long as he was.
Realising his boyish excitement, he coughed to recollect himself.
‘ So could you explain the scars on your hand?’ He asked, now confidently taking your hand in his and holding it up to his face.
‘ Got into a bad bad bar fight, little did i know the guy had a knife’
Truth be told, you had no clue of the pocket knife in that man’s hand.
After a few moments of observation, Grayson raised his hand in order to lower your hood, your eyes narrowing at the contact.
‘ What on earth are you doing’
Unlike the last time Grayson saw you, your hair was a redder tint that suited you more than he anticipated.
‘ Nice hair’
‘ Why thank you.’
With a swallow, you observed the time on the clock in his dining room, now deciding to leave.
‘ It’s getting late, I should probably get myself to the motel downtown’ You dismissed, now collecting all your belongings from his couch and countertop.
As you began to leave, Grayson decided against letting you go, now stopping you by pushing on the door, leaving you no choice but to turn around.
However when you did finally pivot to face him, his expression was almost disheartened.
‘ Don’t think you’re leaving to some shitty motel, not tonight’
‘ So where would you rather me stay? back in Gotham?’
‘ Stay here. With me’
And you did just that.
A/n: if theres anything specific anyone may want let me know because summer break is so damn boring
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JACQUES’ RUMOURED DAUGHTER BREAKS SILENCE, INSISTS QUEEN’S CONSORT IS HER FATHER IN NEW INTERVIEW
While the Brindleton and Rennaux Royal Families have seemingly embraced a vow of silence in relation to allegations about Prince Jacques’ infidelity, his rumoured daughter, Natalia Anouelle, is back with more explosive revelations.
A Champs les Sims television programme, LeMonde, aired an exclusive interview where Natalia shared more details about her claims that she is the ‘secret’ daughter of Prince Jacques and her late mother, former model, Margaret Anouelle. The interview was conducted by veteran reported Raoul Grandegueule, and filmed in Natalia’s living room. The 30-minute segment talked about Natalia’s childhood and her “memories” of her father.
Part of the interview has been reproduced below.
Raoul: Why have you come forward? What triggered the end of your silence?
Natalia: I am all alone in this world. My mother was all I had. Every day, I find myself feeling empty and lost. Seeing my father being a wonderful father to his other children breaks my heart. I would like to experience what it’s like to have a father like him.
R: Why are you so sure that he is your father?
N: My mother told me stories. Growing up, she made sure that I knew who I am and who my father is. She told me that he is a great and powerful man from a powerful family. Although she didn’t name him outright because she was afraid of our safety, I was able to piece back the clues in her stories. It’s clear that my mother and my father dated when they were younger, there are photos to prove it. My mother said that they met when they were young, but broke up after a few months. However, they kept in touch. They saw each other again when he came back home, but he was already married. By then, spark was still there, and they fell madly in love again and maintained a relationship. My mother told me that my father, on multiple occasions, offered to leave his wife for her, but my mother knew it would ruin him and us, so he begged her to stay with his wife. Who else could that be? A powerful man who dated my mother when they were younger, who married into another powerful family?
R: Did your father ever visit you? Do you have any recollections of him as a child?
N: My mother told me that he would send me gifts when I was younger. But when his wife started getting suspicious, the gifts stopped. I remember seeing a man when I was about 4 or maybe 5 years old. He visited us in our flat. He had green eyes and was very handsome. My mother told me he was my Papa, but that it would be our secret. I don’t remember seeing him again, since.
R: Does the prospect of being siblings with the Brindleton Royal Children scare you? How about the idea of having Queen Emilia as your step-mother?
N: Not at all. Look, I do not hate my father for being absent all these years. I know and understand the situation. Having Anya, Eleanore, Alistair, Nicholas, and Ingrid as siblings would be wonderful. I always get told that I look like Anya, so I think we both take after our dad. I’m really excited to meet them, if they’ll have me. I’ve only heard wonderful things about Queen Emilia, so I am looking forward to speaking to her, and maybe even having her as a second mother. Things don’t have to be difficult. I’m not here to ruin things. I just want a family.
R: In coming out, what is it that you really long for?
N: I just want to have a family to call my own. I want to belong. I guess all I really want is a chance to prove my truth. I want a DNA test. But because of Rennaux law, I cannot simply demand a sample from a member of the Royal Family. That’s why in coming out, I hope I can convince them to voluntarily submit one so the truth can finally be revealed. I know I am a Princess, and I am here, standing my ground, and letting the world know the truth.
The world seems divided on whether or not Natalia’s claims are true. If it is proven to be true, and Natalia is, indeed, Prince Jacques’ daughter, what would the future hold for her? A royal expert weighs in:
“If, in any case, her allegations are correct, as the illegitimate child of a Prince, she will not be styled “HRH” or given the title of Princess. She will remain to be Miss Natalia Anouelle, and if Prince Jacques will consent to her use of his last name, she may have it amended to “Natalia Anouelle Montcroix.”
“Prince Jacques let go of his Rennaux princely titles when he married The Queen. He is a Prince now, because he was made a Prince of Brindleton by King Leopold on the occasion of his marriage. Although as per Rennaux’s Royal Family, he remains to be an official member of the Rennaux Royal Family, since he has renounced said Rennaux titles, Natalia will also not be a “Princess of Rennaux” if it is found that she is actually Prince Jacques’ illegitimate child.”
As of writing, the Rennaux and Brindleton royals have continuously refused to comment on the matter. However, rumour has it that the royal legal teams are hard at work to ensure that whatever happens, The Queen and Prince Jacques’ marriage come out of this drama intact.
#ts4#theroyalsims#ts4 royal#ts4 royals#ts4 royalty#ts4 royal family#ts4 royal story#ts4 royal simblr#royal simblr#ts4 monarchy#simblr#ts4 edits#ts4 screenshots#ts4 story#ts4 stories#ts4 storytelling#ts4 legacy#brindleton bay#the sims#the sims 4#royal sims#mystory
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—blaster shots & confessions
[sabine wren x fem!reader]
a/n: this was a self-indulgent piece bc there’s barely any sabine content out there but i guess y’all can enjoy it too🙄🙄
warning: mention of injury, slight angst, sabine is a worry-wart, emotional fluff
word count: 1.7k
—
the first three things [y/n] noticed when she woke up was a slight pain on her side and head, the mop of colorful hair resting on the edge of the bed she was laying in, and a hand holding hers. speaking of which, a bed she had no recollection of getting in.
she tries to sit up but stops as a sharp pain erupted in her side. the girl winces, at the slight sound of her discomfort sabine’s head shoots up, “hey, hey don’t try to move.”
“what happened?” [y/n] asks as sabine helps her lay back down with the hand that wasn't clutched, “do you remember that kanan assigned us to intercept an imperial shipment?”
“yeah, we were supposed to get relief supplies but…” [y/n] trails off, unsure of what happened during the mission. she looks to her friend to fill in the gap in her memory.
“we got into some trouble and had to split up. you got shot [y/n] when we were apart, the blaster shot hit your side. you fell over and hit your head really hard.” sabine explains, “you’ve been out for six days.” [y/n]’s eyes popped out, “oh karabast” she exclaims.
“we were all so worried.” sabine says with an unreadable expression on her face. “well it's a good thing i’m awake now,” [y/n] smiles.
“how are you feeling?” sabine asks. “like shit.” the two girls laugh. it was good that she at least still had her humor.
“i’ll go get the medic and let the others know you’re awake.” the mandalorian says before giving her hand a squeeze and leaving her friend in their recovery room.
her face heated up as she thought, was sabine with me this entire time? was she also holding my hand the entire time?
the thought of the girl she’d been crushing on for the past year and half staying by her side for days brought butterflies in her stomach. she stares at the hand that sabine had been holding ever since she had awoken.
“hey there stranger.” a voice jokes bringing her out of her thoughts. “hera!” she beams, instantly recognizing the voice. the twi’lek sits down at the edge of the bed.
“you gave us all a scare, especially sabine.” hera says, [y/n] lets out a noise of acknowledgement. “you know she barely left your side when you were unconscious, she cares so much for you.” hera noted. a small flush creeps onto [y/n]’s face, “yeah she’s a great friend.” she agrees, pursing her lips, it almost physically hurt her to call sabine her friend when she harbored such strong feelings for her so called friend.
hera gives her a quizzical glance. [y/n] notices the weird look on hera’s face, “what?” she asks. the twi’lek laughs to herself, “nothing.”
moments after, the rest of the crew piled in along with the medic to check up on her.
—
slowly but surely [y/n] was recovering, sabine had practically been glued to her side the entire time. sabine had been there to bring her food and help her change her bandages once she was discharged out of the recovery room.
the fall to her head had messed up her coordination and balance but after a few weeks with the help of sabine she had been able to regain her ability to walk again.
currently the girls were in an intense game of sabacc in their shared quarters.
“hey [y/n], kanan needs you.” it was hera, the twi’lek enters room. [y/n] gets up to leave, “let me help you.” sabine says swooping in to help. “sabine, i can walk by myself.” [y/n] says, shooing her away and leaves the room.
“how’s she feeling?” hera asks as she sits down across from the mandalorian. “good, she can walk around now and her spirits are up, she’s really been liking to play card games recently.” she smiles motioning to the sabacc cards sprawled over the table.
“you should tell her,” hera says blunty, the girl gives her a puzzled look. “tell her what?” she stammers feigning confusion.
the twi’lek laughs, “don’t play dumb with me sabine. i’ve seen the way you look at her. it's painfully obvious to everyone but her that you like her.” sabine felt her face flush.
“i don't know what youre talking about,” she denies. hera chuckles, “whatever kid. just do it before it’s too late.” with that [y/n] came back in, leaving sabine to understand hera’s slightly cryptic message.
“are you ok? you look a little lost” [y/n] says looking at her friend. “yeah i’m fine, its nothing” she lies.
—
it had been over five weeks since [y/n] got shot and she felt good as new. hera and kanan had been unsure about assigning her to a mission so soon, after all she had just recently gained fully coordinated mobility. but with the reassurance of the medic, the pair now had full confidence in her.
[y/n] sat in her room preparing for her mission when sabine burst in. “what the hell [y/n]?! hera and kanan just told me they assigned you to a mission with ezra!” she shouts with a furious expression on her face. [y/n] jumps in surprise, clutching at her chest.
“force sabine! you scared the shit out of me.” [y/n] laughs but she quickly stops as she realizes the expression on her friend’s face.
“you can’t be going on missions without me.” she exclaims with her hands on her hips. the girl frowns at her friend’s behavior.
“thanks for the concern but i'll be fine sabine. the medic already cleared me for missions last week.” [y/n] reassures her friend. she gets up to leave but the mandalorian’s hand grabs her wrist.
“the last time we were apart, you got shot.” she scoffs giving her a hard gaze. [y/n] sighs, “sabine, i’m ok now, there’s no need to worry. plus i’ll have the galaxy’s most annoying jedi with me.” she attempts to joke.
“no, you’re not understanding.” the mandalorian’s voice was stern but had a slight quiver to it. “then help me understand.” [y/n] pleads softly.
sabine struggles to put her words together, she has never been an outwardly emotional person, hell, it took her months to fully be comfortable around [y/n]. with their friendship she’d always been more of a listener than a talker, she recalled on multiple occasions when [y/n] would tell her about personal and intimate topics. sabine always appreciated those moments, it was just a little reminder of how [y/n] saw her as trustworthy. but now it was her turn to let out what was eating her up from the inside.
“i thought you were going to die for a moment,” her voice was a whisper, for all the time [y/n] had known sabine she had never seen her so emotional and vulnerable. “when i found you there was so much blood on your head. my heart was beating so fast i thought it was going to jump out. i was so scared. even when we got back to base and the medic stabilized you, i was terrified, i couldn’t leave you. kanan and hera basically had to force me to eat and sleep. seeing you like that was my worst nightmare. and it’s all my fault, i left you.” she cried out her emotions.
that's when [y/n] understood, sabine wasn’t angry at her, she was scared and blamed herself.
sabine’s eyes were glassy and her breaths were shaky. [y/n] cups sabine’s face with her hands, the mandalorian leans into her touch. “i just can't lose you.” she cries out, her eyes shut and tears fall. “sabine. please look at me,” she breathes out. the colorful haired girl opens her eyes, sniffling a bit. “none of what happened was your fault, it was just bad luck. don’t blame yourself.”
the two girls now stared at each other, neither of them being sure what to do in their position.
it was now or never
“[y/n] i need to tell you something,” the mandalorian says as her shaky hands reach up to grab [y/n]’s. “i never thought i would ever say it to you but...” her jittery voice trails off. she takes a deep breath to compose herself,
“i love you, [y/n], i’m so in love with you”
the mandalorian kept her gaze down, waiting for a response. [y/n]’s eyes widened, she almost couldn’t believe the words that just came out sabine’s mouth, but a smile creeped onto her face.
“i love you too” she says, squeezing their hands together. sabine’s head perked up, a small smile graced her features.
“really?” she muttered, “yeah, really, like a lot.” [y/n] giggles. their faces were mere inches apart, the mandalorian’s eyes flicker down to her lips.
and without a thought sabine presses her lips to hers. [y/n]’s arms instinctively wrap around sabine’s neck, pulling her closer. the mandalorian’s arms snake around her waist to hold her. the kiss was sloppy because of the excitement between them but they didn’t mind one bit. the kiss seemed to go on forever, so many buried feelings between them were spilling out.
the two pulled apart, both of them having goofy, love sick grins on their faces.
“i can't believe it took me getting shot for you to confess.” [y/n] laughs out. “i know.” sabine sniffles out but with a smile on her face.
“[y/n]!” she hears hera call her, breaking up the tender moment. the two girls laugh at the awful timing.
“i guess that's my cue.” [y/n] turns to leave their room but a hand stops her again, she turns around to sabine. “come back to me in one piece.”
“you got it.” she says then giving her now girlfriend a peck on the lips. as [y/n] leaves the room, sabine sits back down on the bottom bunk. both girls having a smile plastered on their face as they continued on with their day.
#star wars#star wars fanfic#star wars rebels#rebels#sabine wren#sabine wren x reader#sabine x reader#sabine wren imagine#star wars x reader#star wars rebels x reader#star wars rebels imagine#ezra bridger#hera syndulla#kanan jarrus#soggyjulpod’s fanfic
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Love Letters || V x Reader
A/N: I love this movie with all my being and decided to write for V from ‘V for Vendetta’. Hope you all enjoy.
Warnings: Hurt-comfort, mentions of abuse, foul language
word count: 1.6k
Tip Jar (every bit helps)
The sound of your bare feet hitting the ground echoed through the dark street. It was far too late for anyone to be out, but here you were, running from yet another abusive lover who had taken a bad day out on you. For years you’d been receiving strange letters from a man you had no recollection of. He called himself, ‘V’, which he signed so neatly at the bottom of every letter. Sometimes he wrote to you multiple times a week, other times it was only a few in a month. In either cases, you always looked forward to that small envelope with a dried wax seal on the back. You always wrote back and watched as the mailman came to pick up the letter with no destination; yet V always managed to receive them.
It’s like I’ve known you my whole life, V. Even though I don’t know what you look like or who you are, I know you. I wish there was a way I could be with you, but I’m afraid of what he’d do if he found out how I feel for you. He destroyed the wonderful roses you gave me, burnt them all but I managed to save some of the petals....
I hope to see you one day, maybe that day you can take me away from here to that beautiful place you were talking about the last time you wrote me....what I would give to simply hear your voice call out to me....
With all my heart,
(Y/N)
The letters were always full of wonderful stories that made even your worst days, better; they were all locked in a wooden box you kept hidden until your newest lover found them and destroyed them all. You cried and tried your hardest to fight for even one, but that only ended with you getting stuck across the face and the urge to run coursing through your veins. Your heart ached for the desire to be held by the one man you knew would never lay a finger on you in such a way. There were many nights when you would lie in bed and dream about V, seeking comfort in the man you didn’t know.
My dear, I apologize for not writing to you sooner, my days grow crazier by the second but rest assured, when I think of you, everything is clear.
I hate how much you get hurt by these men and I promise you, one day I’ll save you from their vile hands. I promise to only ever give you love and the passion you have never known. That day will be soon and I swear to you, (Y/N), I will take care of you.
V
“Come back!” You heard your lover yell and you ducked into an alleyway, your heart hammering in your chest. You cupped your throbbing cheek, knowing very well it was wet with blood from the rings on his finger catching the skin there. You shivered from the cold night air and saw your breath in smoke around you when you exhaled, pressing against a wall and hoping he’d pass. “You can’t hide from me, I’ll find you sooner or later.” He growled, kicking a trash can and sending it flying around the corner opposite of you. You held your breath, hoping he would go away soon and wishing that you life had been better.
Your eyes stayed trained on the night sky, wondering if V was looking at the same moon you were and feeling your heart break at a horrible thought. There would be no more letters, no more sweet words from the only man who’d ever said them to you; no more flowers, no more nights when you felt a little less lonely. Tears flooded down your face as you realized this was it; the sound of a gun cocking coming from your lover who was nothing but a monster. He would kill you and V would never know that the light of his life had been ripped from him.
You ran down the end of the alley, turning another corner and sliding down the wall in submission. You couldn’t get out; there wasn’t an out for people like you. This was all you’ve ever known so of course just as you thought it would get better, everything goes to waste. “I’m so sorry, V.” You whispered, hearing him near you and feeling the barrel of the gun press against your head.
“Fucking whore, I should’ve killed you when I had the chance,” He growled, kicking you to the side and enjoying the cries you gave. “That guy who wrote you those letters, you think he’d want someone like you?” You tried to block his foot as it came into contact with your stomach but you weren’t as strong as him. Your pleas did nothing but make him laugh as he kicked you again and again until you started coughing blood onto the stoned pavement.
You gasped for air as the metallic taste filled your mouth, the tears in your eyes blurring your vision as you looked up at the man. “He loves me,” You sobbed and watched as he knelt before you, feigning pity.
“I think I can speak for him and say that he most certainly doesn’t. I loved you, but you ruined everything.” He scoffed and pressed the gun against your head.
“I speak for myself,” Another voice echoed in the alley and your head snapped up, eyes straining to see the figure who was standing a few feet away. Your lover stood up and faced him, keeping the gun pointed at you. “And you most certainly did not love her. You abused her to the point where she fell in love with another.” Coming into the light, you let out a gasp seeing the masked male; he titled his head to look down at you and tipped his hat.
“Hello, my love, pardon me for my interruption but I do believe it’s time we go.” He said calmly, clicking his tongue in annoyance when your lover shoved the gun to your head.
“V,” You let out a breathy sound of panic, locking eyes with the masked man and watching him pull out a knife.
“To the right, please.” He said to you and you sent him a questioning look but understood when he threw the knife at your lover. You rolled to the side just in time as the bullet flew off the ground where you just had been, the sound deafening you. Pressing your hands against your ears, you cried out from the painful ringing in them, the pain in your body from being kicked ran through you like liquid fire, burning every part of your muscles alive.
And then, as if everything became clear, a pair of gloved hands cupped your face, making you open your eyes. “I should’ve never let it amount to this, I hope you can forgive me-”
V had no time to respond before you tackled him in a tight hug, knocking his hat off and causing him to sit instead of kneel. He wasted no time in hugging you back, feeling your body tremble and shake in his grasp. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you know that, right?” He said to you gently and you cried harder, nodding your head in response. V could feel the movement against his shoulder and hummed, “I’m here now, my love, I’m sorry I took so long.”
Pulling back, he cupped your face again, wiping the tears away. “You saved me.” You sniffled, touching the mask gently. “You did what you said you’d do so there’s no need for you to apologize.” V stared at you deeply and you felt him start to get up, offering you a hand to which you grabbed.
“I’m going to take you away from here, you will never know pain like this ever again, and I will make sure I spend every waking breath filling your life with all that you deserve.” He spoke to you as you stood, grimacing at the pain in your abdomen. “I’m taking you home, to the place you should’ve been all along.”
“As long as I’m with you, I don’t care where we go.” You shivered against the cold air, letting V drape his coat over your shoulders. As you both started to walk, stepping over your ex-lover’s body, you stared at the masked man in wonder and need. It wasn’t until you made it out of the alleyways and into the moonlit street, that you paused.
“V?” Your voice wavered a bit as your nerves grew and the man stopped, turning towards you in concern.
“We must keep moving-”
“Kiss me.” Your breath sent a cloud up with how cold it was and V touched your cheek gently. “I’ve longed for you all these years,” You said, tracing the features on the mask and feeling his hand circle around your wrist. “Please.” Your eyes flickered to his and you could see the strain he was trying to put on himself slowly breaking off.
And then it happened. He didn’t take the mask off fully, but he lifted it enough to press his warm lips against your cold ones and that was enough. He kept his lips against yours for a moment before pulling back and moving the mask back, grabbing your hand and placing it on his arm. “That should keep you satisfied until we reach home.” You blushed at his words but held onto his arm, your heart content with finally being with the man you loved.
There would never be another letter, but there wasn’t a need for one; he was with you now and there was nothing in the world that could tear you away from him.
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The Struggle of Loving You - Chapter 25
Chapter Selection
"I'm so proud of you", Aaron whispered into my ear as I laid down on his chest.
I was finished... everything. I passed top of my class in the academy and I couldn't be happier. He was by my side the entire time. I wanted to just stay inside the whole day.
But that couldn't happen, "I got to go to work sweetheart."
I shook my head and mumbled, "Five more minutes."
"I can't be late", I rested my chin on him and glared. "You're the boss... you can be a few minutes late."
He rose his hand to rub up and down my spine, "But I know you're perfect so... I guess you can go."
Rolled off of him, laying down on my back. He chuckled and stood up going into his closet and changing into his suit. The grey suit, white dress shirt and black shoes. "You're staring again."
"Cause you have a nice ass." We laughed and I sat up, crossing my legs.
"What am I going to do today", I muttered to myself. I really had zero clue, I could go out with Chloe and them but they have jobs now. Ones that require a lot of attention.
I was living at the apartment by myself since Chloe moved out a few months after we graduated.
Before I knew it Aaron pressed a soft kiss to my lips, "I'm going."
"Bye."
"Bye", I heard the door close and he was gone. I felt lonely within seconds, being bored out of my mind even though Aaron just left. He'll be back later.
When he left it was 6am, Aaron was always getting in extremely early and because he had just gotten back to work he was eager to catch up on the paperwork that he missed.
It was 8am when I actually looked back at the clock. Only taking a peak at the time when I got a phone call. I lifted my phone and brought it up to my ear, "Hello."
"Hello this is Section Chief Erin Strauss. Am I speaking to y/n l/n."
"Yes ma'am."
"Good Morning Miss. L/n. I'm calling in regard to a position in our Behavioral Analysis Unit. Could you be by FBI headquarters in an hour?"
I was in disbelief, believing in the fact that this woman was calling me. I only knew it was really Strauss because Aaron had mention her before. She had finished talking and was waiting for my response.
"Yes ma'am."
"I look forward to meeting you." She ended the call and I tossed my phone on the bed. I was practically jumping up and down. "Hell Yeah", I darted to my closet and started looking for clothes to wear.
I laid them on the bed and jumped in the shower. Wanting to look my best, getting out I put on some light makeup. Definitely covering the faded hickeys on my neck. After I was finished I locked up the apartment and got into the car.
Still having 20 minutes to spare, I was so excited I forgot to call Aaron about the offer.
Once I was there I got a visitors pass and found Strauss's office. I knocked on her door, "Come in."
I opened the door and took nervous steps inside. She was sitting at her desk, "Agent Y/l/n?"
"Yes ma'am", she stood shaking my hand as I got closer. Both of us taking a seat; she gave me an interview but I could tell she already was going to give it to me. Asking me questions on my education and personal experience.
"Let me take you to BAU", I followed her out of her office and down the hallway. Seeing multiple people, almost every single one of them looked intimating. "Here we are", holding open the bullpen door I walked in first.
Passing the desks sitting in the middle of the room, I saw what I assume was the team. Why does he look familiar.
We walked up the stairs and I read the name on the door, Aaron Hotchner...
And there he was, sitting behind the desk scribbling notes down on his paperwork. "Agent Hotchner this is Agent Y/l/n she'll be filling in the spot of Agent Jareau", Aaron stared up at me. He was holding it together for everyone else but I saw behind that.
He wasn't crazy about me being hired in his unit, he seemed more... upset. I swallowed hard, my mouth felt dry, "Well I'll leave you two." Strauss walked out.
Aaron stood up closing the blinds, "Shut the door." I did as he asked.
"What are you doing here?"
I was in front of him as he stood his ground, "She called me a few hours after you left saying she there was an open position for the BAU... I didn't know you would be here though."
His face got even sadder, "Y/n..." He said quietly. "We can't keep doing this if you're here-- working with me."
I was taken back, my heart sank with every word that spilled. "What are you saying?"
Taking a step back he put his hands in his pockets, "Keep dating..."
I felt the tears welling up and I could tell he could too, "Why?" I tried to keep my composure but barely held on.
"If you were here before we got together it wouldn't matter but y/n... you just got hired." He paused.
"Sleeping with your boss, the unit chief of the place you work isn't exactly going to go well-- for either of us, I'll be seen as the boss that took advantage of a younger new hire. The bureau will think you slept your way in and that's not how I want people to see you."
"You didn't have a problem when you were my teacher... remember that. Wasn't exactly a good spot to be but we made it work." He lifted a hand to his forehead, "That was different, I didn't work at the university."
My voice was strained, trying to hold back the tears. "Bullshit."
"Don't make this harder than it needs to be... please." I scoffed and the tear rolled down my cheek. I could see the restraint in Aaron. Trying to hold himself back from walking over to me and wiping my face.
I stepped towards the door, "You know what-- you're right." I pressed my back to the wall and stared at him.
Right there, that's when our hearts broke. I understood his position and what would happen if we were caught. His reputation would be ruined and mine would dissipate even though it hadn't even gotten started yet.
Although we both wanted to keep seeing each other this was a way of protecting us. I knew this job was important to him. We would still be able to be around each other even if we couldn't do anything about it.
Knowing deep down this was complete and utter bullshit... both of us thought that. Aaron was breaking up with me for the sake of my future career and that was...
I really didn't want to walk out of the office. I wanted to convince him to try anyways but this was a mutual agreement, this needed to end if we wanted to keep our jobs.
"So this is it." I muttered.
"Yeah", he said quietly like he wasn't saying it to me but himself. I stayed where I was recollecting myself before I put my hand on the handle.
"Goodbye Aaron."
"Bye", whispering. I walked out to the bullpen and joined the team. Throwing on a happy face I went to their desks.
They all crowded around talking about the new hire, "There she is." Garcia whispered before they all turned around to look at me.
"You were in there for awhile, was Hotch treating you okay?" Morgan said and I smiled and nodded.
Sucking in a small breath, "Yeah he was fine it. Told me a little about you guys." I lied trying to seem normal about what actually just happened a couple of minutes ago.
Everyone introduced themselves one by one. Each of them welcoming me with open arms, I heard the door open behind me.
My turned my head to the side and saw Hotch against the rail. Both of us getting a wave of regret.
I slightly nodded and went back to the conversation the team and I were having.
——————————
Permanent tag list : @errorcosplay67 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @wanniiieeee @oreogutz @qtip-blog @aberrant-annie
#aaron#aaron hotchner#Aaron Hotch Hotchner#aaron hotchner fanfic#hotchner#SSA HOTCHNER#hotch#writing#fanfiction#fanfic#aaron hotch fanfiction#hotch x you
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The Pogues - Prologue
Pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader
Warnings: toxic relationship, swearing
Word count: 2k
Summary: You were a kook, born and raised but when a messy breakup with your boyfriend takes place you find comfort in the people who you’d been taught to despise and keep away from your entire life, the Pogues.
(A/N): Soooo here it is the prologue to my upcoming series i’ve literally been working on this for the last couple of days and the first chapters are almost finished but I just wanted to post this as a kind of introduction to the story and the life around Y/N,, and pleaseee don’t be afraid to give me any feedback I love when y’all come in my inbox (not my gif creds to the owner)
series masterlist
You were seated out on your patio opposite your mom and dad enjoying the nice weather, your tanned skin practically glistening in the sun rays “so Y/N, is Rafe going to be escorting you to Midsummers?” Your father asked, you groaned at the idea of even having to go there mostly at the part about Rafe being your escort “do I have to go” you frowned playing with the salad blades that lay untouched on the plate before you “we’ve already talked about this Y/N you’re going” he replied sternly, annoyance evident in his tone. Most of the time you could talk your way out of almost every single one of these events but since Ward was your fathers best friend and the event was practically being held in his honor you had to go otherwise it would ‘reflect badly on your father’s image’.
You and Rafe had been an on and off thing for about a year now, maybe even longer since it was hard to keep count of all the breakups, currently you guys were on another off stage after you’d found him and another girl going at it in his bedroom when you had planned to surprise him on his birthday but instead ended up crying yourself to sleep in Sarah’s room who held you as you sobbed and being the loyal friend she is she ended barging into her brothers room to yell at him as soon as you fell asleep.
You and Sarah were the same age and had been best friends long before you and Rafe got together, considering your fathers were close friends you spent almost everyday over at the Camerons when you were younger and now you two were glued at the hip, you didn’t know what you’d do without her since you’d done everything and anything together since the age of 3.
“Yeah well I don’t think Rafe’s gonna be my escort, we broke up” you stated blatantly, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked back up at your displeased father “come on Y/N can’t you fix it just for that night and then you never talk to him again I don’t care but it’ll look really bad for me if my daughter ditches my best friends son at an event that’s being held in his honor” you looked over at your mom hoping she would back you up since there was no way you were going to get out of this without her help, but instead she just sat there pretending not to notice your lingering glare.
“Fine i’ll fix it” you mumbled knowing that there was no point in arguing with your father “thank you sweetie” he smiled “whatever” you rolled your eyes pushing the chair out from behind you and making your way back inside and up to your room. Closing the door behind you, you sat down at the edge of your bed dreading dialing Rafe’s phone number since you really didn’t want to be the one crawling back after he cheated, you had some respect for yourself.
It’s for dad you thought as you pressed call on his contact your back colliding with your mattress as you felt your heart sink more and more with every ring. Just as you were about to hang up he answered “hey baby” the nickname made you sick to your stomach, did he have no recollection of your break up “can we talk?” you asked getting annoyed as you heard nothing but silence on the other end of the phone.
“Yeah uh i’ll be home in like ten minutes want me to pick you up or something?” he asked, it was obvious in the way he spoke that he had no interest in going out of his way to come get you, you rolled your eyes “no Rafe i’m perfectly capable of getting myself to your house by myself thank you very much” you spoke before hanging up groaning as you went and got dressed pulling a black hoodie over the white crop top you’d been wearing and struggling to get into your converse attempting to squeeze your heel into them as you trudged down the spiral staircase in your house.
You grabbed the keys to one of your dad’s cars, opening the front door you slammed it shut behind you making your anger evident to your mom and dad.
Walking out into the cool summer air you quickly unlocked the car and pulled the handle, opening the door and placing your self down into the drivers seat. You turned the engine on dreading the soon to be conversation with your ex boyfriend as you slowly backed out of your driveway and out onto the main road.
As you stood outside of the Cameron house you contemplated driving away and never looking back but knowing you’d have to face the wrath of your father if you did that was enough to make your knuckle connect with the door and slowly but surely tap onto it, seconds later Rafe’s deranged figure stood before you moving out of the way allowing you to walk in, you put on a fake smile as you followed him up to his room.
It was silent between the two of you when he closed the door behind him neither one of you knowing what to say as you both stood facing each other “Y/N i’m really sorry for what happened the other day I-I was drunk” he stumbled over his words the lie evident as sweat started to form at the top of his forehead “I don’t care, I don’t want to get back together” he looked puzzled at your words “then why are you here?” he questioned sitting down onto the bed that was placed in the middle of the room.
“We’re going to go to Midsummers together and then we’re over and you’ll never hear from me again” he simply sat there not giving you any reaction whatsoever, so you turned to walk out but before your hand could reach the door handle he grabbed you and pulled you back to him “so we’re over just like that?” he practically barked down at you fingers tightening around your wrist clearly not pleased with your words “yes, my dad just wants me to go to this stupid thing with you and I know you want to impress your dad just as much as I do mine so it’s a win win for both of us” ripping your hand out of his grasp you tried to read his facial expression but it was blank the part about his dad clearly striking a nerve within him “whatever” he stated coldly turning away from you. You had to admit it hurt after almost a year of being with him that he didn’t even try to stop you or fight for you, but what were you expecting it’s Rafe.
You exited his room tears profusely falling from your eyes, you weren’t crying because you guys we’re no longer together but because you had just now realized how toxic the entire relationship had been and you were more then disappointed in yourself for letting anyone treat you that way for that long.
You made your way down the stairs towards the front door but before you could reach it an arm grabbed you stopping you from moving any further, thinking it was Rafe you turned around prepared to cuss him out but immediately calmed down once you noticed Sarah standing before you, it was obvious by her facial expression that she knew something was up with you and Rafe.
“What happened?” She frowned as she pulled you into a tight hug, you quietly cried into her shoulder as your arms rested weakly on her waist. “I don’t know what I ever saw in him” you sniffled pulling away from the hug so you could look back up at her “you know what I don’t either” she smiled wiping away the few tears that continued making their way down your cheeks.
“Come on lets go do something” she smiled intertwining her hands with yours dragging you out of the house behind her “like what?” you asked opening the passenger side door of her car and stepping into it not to worried about leaving yours behind, you’d come and get it later. Sarah got into the drivers seat shortly after you “first we go eat, can’t do anything on an empty stomach” she replied putting the key in the ignition and turning the car on “there’s this place that I absolutely love it’s called The Wreck” she spoke as she exited the driveway “isn’t that the restaurant that Kiara’s parents own?” you questioned raising an eyebrow at her since Sarah had told you about their previous feud multiple times. “Yeah but i’m pretty sure she’s not working right now and either way it doesn’t matter if she is i’m a customer so i’m sure we’ll both keep things strictly professional” she huffed causing you to chuckle your mind quickly forgetting all about Rafe and his stupid antics.
As Sarah parked in front of the wreck she involuntarily groaned noticing Kiara and the rest of her Pogue friends all sitting in front of the entrance enjoying their fries and hamburgers some you recognized, some you didn’t. “Shit” Sarah mumbled “strictly professional” you joked copying her words from before, she lightly hit you in the shoulder before grabbing her purse and getting out of the car you following behind shortly after.
As you walked past the Pogues and toward the entrance all you received were dirty looks and glares especially from Kiara, the only one who wasn’t glaring was JJ who not so subtly let his eyes wander up and down your body, Kiara clearly noticed as she hit him in the back of the head scolding him, “what the hell” you heard him mumble as he rubbed the back of his head causing you to let out a small chuckle.
The only reason you knew who JJ was, was because of the multiple fights you had to break up between him and Rafe, you could never understand how two people could hate each other that much.
Turning away from them you followed Sarah inside the restaurant and just your luck you were seated right next to the window that was facing them, “Oh god” Sarah groaned hiding her face behind the menu that had been placed in front of her “she’s still staring” you looked over your shoulder, and sure enough you got a perfect look of Kiara’s face and oh boy if looks could kill you’d both be dead by now.
“Is this all seriously because you didn’t invite her to your birthday party?” you questioned turning back around “yup” Sarah replied resting her chin in her palm “I kind of miss her though she was fun to hang out with, you’d like her” Sarah smiled causing you to look back one more time making direct eye contact with JJ who subtly winked at you, you felt heat rising to your cheeks and quickly turned away eyes diverting to the menu in front of you.
“So what do you wanna do when we finish eating?” you asked looking up at Sarah who only gave a shrug in response “you wanna go buy some dresses for Midsummers, I literally have nothing to wear?” she groaned taking a sip of her water giving you a hopeful look “sure” you chuckled looking out the window once more only to see the Pogues were no longer there, you felt slightly disappointed at the lost sight of the Maybank boy.
I’m gonna make a tag list for this series so let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters!! xx
#jj maybank#jj x reader#jj maybank imagine#jj obx#jj#jj outer banks#outer banks#outer banks netflix#outer banks fanfiction#jj maybank x reader#outer banks imagine#kiara#john b#pope#rafe cameron#rafe cameron imagine
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CLEAR THE AREA - Chapter Twenty
Previous Chapter here
Warnings: language and the usual angst
Summary: I made it! My first story at an end. Thanks for stopping by and sticking by me over the last few months. I'm strangely quite proud of myself for sticking with this even when I had zero idea of how things were going to go. I have plans for a sequel of sorts and I hope you come back for that (when I get my ass in gear to write it!).
Tags: Thanks to @kelbabyblue @jennmurawski13
Chapter Twenty
The hot shower was a welcome relief when she finally stepped inside. It had been a hell of a long day. Far longer than she could recall and she had battled plenty.
Sarah had been back at work for a week or so and trying her hardest to deflect questions. Audrey had, she realised, kind of figured most things out without having to awkwardly impose the third degree on her pal. She knew everyone in the family knew and while at first she was happy and possibly even a little excited by that knowledge, her enthusiasm soon turned to concern when Sarah informed her that Shanna had been ignoring all of her messages and calls ever since. None of Audrey’s queries beyond that were met with much more than a non-committal shrug. How could Sarah be expected to answer any of Audrey’s questions when she didn’t have any of the answers to her own?
“She’ll come around. She has to.” Audrey said, in her soothing tone that always seemed to work no matter what news she was giving. “She won’t want to lose you. You’ve been friends for years.”
A few people had said variations of the same thing to her lately. That Shanna will come around, that she was just shocked but she’ll eventually understand, and that things will get better. Carly said Shanna had a wicked stubborn streak in her that even she struggled with at times but she also knew she loved Sarah very, very much. It was just a tough time but she’ll learn to understand. It would absolutely be OK, she would bet money on it Sarah wasn’t so sure.
She already knew Shanna was as stubborn as they come - she’d lived with her long enough - so when exactly was she expected to “learn how to understand”? More importantly, why did she even have to? They had been best friends for years but Sarah had betrayed her trust and flat-out lied to her face. Multiple times. “White lies” Scott called them, shrugging them off as though they were a big pile of nothing and just something people do when they need to get out of awkward situations. Sarah wasn’t sure sleeping with her best friend’s brother counted as an “awkward situation” or something that could be casually brushed aside with a sweep of the hand but nevertheless, she appreciated his efforts.
These were the conversations that kept circling around her mind as she stood under the shower head. Normally, she wasn’t one for wasting water but she allowed herself to enjoy it a little more this time. The soapy lather and fragrances of lavender and sandalwood surrounded her senses and was very soothing to her brain.
She barely noticed the fog steaming up the bathroom and focussed on the feel of the hot water cascading over her tired, worn-out body instead. If she died right here, right now, they could say she was probably the most relaxed she had been in months.
“Shall we pick you up from the airport? It’s no trouble.” Jocelyn fussed on the end of the line. There was a loud scraping sound somewhere in the near-background so Sarah figured she was back on the DIY again. That, or she had given the pottery classes another go. Recollections of Shanna laughing herself silly at Jocelyn “doing pot” flooded back into her memory all of a sudden and only served to leave her feeling sad in the pit of her stomach.
“No, Mom, it’s fine. It’ll be late. I’ll just get a cab.” Sarah calmly affirmed, one hand holding the phone to her ear and the other shoving yet more clothes into her suitcase. She’d given up on folding like an adult. “The flight could be delayed so I don’t want you hanging around the airport any longer than necessary.”
“But you’ll have bags, Sarah. Heavy bags and that’s no good. You don’t want to give yourself an injury.”
“Mom, I have one suitcase. Don’t be so over-dramatic.” She eye-rolled.
That was the…fourth lie? Perhaps the fifth since this conversation had started? Who knew. Sarah glanced down at the suitcase on her bed currently lying next to a smaller, overnight suitcase. There was also a backpack and a laptop bag sitting ready by her bedroom door. It was just easier this way. If she had to explain her real intentions, she would never finish packing and her parents would be on the red-eye to Boston.
“OK, well, keep us posted when you leave and when you land and I suppose we can go from there.” Jocelyn sighed. Whatever she had been doing had now stopped and Sarah could imagine the look of concern on her face. She was momentarily consoled by the fact that her Dad would at least see things from her point of view and hopefully Jocelyn would learn to just drop it.
Sarah hung up the phone and went back into the bathroom to finish drying her hair currently wrapped up in a towel. Shanna had shown her a trick with a towel and an old cotton t-shirt some years earlier after she had eventually agreed to stop cutting her hair. “It’s so beautiful and curly but, like, it’s a nice curl? A gentle curl. Honestly, girls would pay so much money every day to have waves like yours.” enthused Shanna at the time. It was a sweet thing to say. Jocelyn had said much the same thing as she was growing up but Sarah always preferred shorter cuts because she couldn’t be bothered to spend time styling it every day. And it would always take time. Too much time.
Her longer hair felt so lifeless and dull by comparison, she thought, except when Audrey would blow-dry it during one of their all-too-rare girls’ afternoons and rub this coconut concoction into her roots so it smelled delicious for days afterwards. Or when Chris would gently comb his fingers through it when he thought she was asleep. She didn’t mind it so much then.
She finished the last brush-through and switched off the dryer, wrapping the cord around the handle ready for it to be packed. A dab of foundation under her eyes and she looked reasonably well-rested now; well enough so as not to draw attention to any stresses or worries. Jocelyn always had a knack for sussing them out and it was frustrating and unwelcome at the best of times. That she was usually right was beside the point.
She mentally ticked off a list of items she made a point of packing; some comfy sweatpants, a couple of books, her particular brand of coffee because her folks now apparently hated the stuff. She located her passport and boarding pass for the tenth time, making sure they were safely zipped in the side pocket of her backpack. She was pretty much done. If it wasn’t for the looming feeling of regret, she would call a cab to take her to the station right that minute.
Looking down at her phone, she decided to call Shanna one last time. It rang a few times before a groggy voice appeared on the end of the line.
“Hey….” Shanna offered, cold but not totally unhappy to hear her, Sarah thought. The last few times she had tried calling Shanna, it would ring for a lot longer. The shortness here was a small step in the right direction.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Sarah asked with some trepidation, trying not to sound overly familiar and casual. She was trying to follow Shanna’s lead with regards to friendly small talk.
“Better. Mom’s been making soup every day. Sick and tired of the stuff to be honest.” Shanna had come down with a small cold and had used it as an opportunity to stay in the relative ease and comfort of her mother’s house. Sarah would much rather have seen her in person before she left but speaking on the phone without one of them, or both of them, ending up in tears was also good.
“Well, at least you’re in the best place. Your Mom always makes me feel better when I’m unwell.” Sarah smiled down the line.
“I’m not unwell, Sarah.” she said, defensively. “It’s just a cold. I’m just tired.”
Sarah feared she’d overstepped the mark. “OK, well, still, it’s good that you’re there. ‘Cos…Lisa would just worry otherwise. Probably.” She was babbling now and she knew it but she couldn’t think of anything to say. Shanna had put up something of a wall between them now and while she was talking to her and not completing freezing her out, it felt different and not altogether pleasant.
“Yeh, that’s true.” Shanna responded after a brief pause. “But you’re a nurse so you would think I would be better in my own home.”
“Nah, I’d just be bringing back all kinds of infectious things.” Sarah joked and was relieved to hear a laugh on the end of the line, a laugh that very quickly turned into a harsh cough. But it had definitely started out as a laugh so she’d take that as a win, too.
“So, have you been really busy?” Shanna asked after she managed to clear her throat.
“Same old. We have a new intern and she’s pretty eager to get stuck in which is great. Audrey is impressed so that should tell you how amazing she is.” Sarah offered. It had in fact been busier than most days but now wasn’t the time to relay the usual information she wouldn’t normally think twice about offering to Shanna when she had asked.
“That’s cool.” Shanna coughed again and cleared her throat. “Have you been working all the time or, um, have you had much of a break?”
“Pretty much all the time, yeh. I did those double shifts I was meant to do last month so I’ve cleared my flexi-time now which is good. I’m back on track.”
“That’s cool.” Shanna said.
“Yeh and I built up some more which is good, too. It’ll come in handy at Christmas perhaps.” Sarah was trying to keep the conversation going as best as she could.
“Cool. Do you just come home and crash, then?”
“Most of the time, yeh.”
“You don’t go out anywhere or anything?”
“Um,” Sarah had a vague idea of what she was getting at. “I don’t really have time to do anything else. I wanted to get my hours back up to a healthy point. You know what O’Brien can be like.”
There was silence on the end of the line. Sarah could hear her shuffle about in what she assumed was her bed. Shanna coughed again, gentler this time, and sighed as she tried to think of what to come back with. She knew she was probably being a little obvious now.
“Well,” Shanna started. “I hope you’re getting through it all OK. Y’know, the work and stuff. I hope you’re doing alright.”
“Thanks. Yeh I’m…I’m alright.” Sarah replied, touched by the slight concern she could hear her speak. “I hope you feel better soon, too. It’s not fun having a cold particularly at this time of the year.”
“I’m sure Mom has been crushing aspirin and vitamins into my food so I’ll be Wonder Woman before you know it.”
Sarah laughed. “Absolutely you will. I’ll, er, let you get back to resting. Are you up to much?”
“No, I’m just watching Netflix.”
“Ah right. That’s cool. Lots of new murder shows from what Audrey tells me.” Sarah nodded. She knew Shanna wasn’t about to launch into a description of what programme she had been binging the last few days so they both vocalised their goodbyes and hung up. It was the first call that had ended on a mutual note and not Shanna making a lame excuse to cut off Sarah’s equally lame attempts at small talk. Again, Sarah took it as a positive.
Sarah looked down at her phone, a photo of them both in their graduation gowns on her home screen. She hadn’t changed it since she’d gotten the upgrade a year earlier and she had no intention of doing so now. It was a nice day, a nice memory. The hangover she suffered for days afterwards was more than worth it.
She was unsure why Shanna had felt the need to ask her what she’d been up to. She had seemed very specific, more so than about anything else they talked about lately. Naturally, Shanna knew Sarah well enough now to know she relied on work whenever she was dealing with something upsetting and difficult so surely it would have been obvious that she had had zero contact with Chris. He probably would have said as much to her in person. Or he would have talked with Scott or Lisa, and Shanna would have eventually found out by default.
The more she thought about it, the more anxious she felt. Knowing how she and Chris had left things, it was almost entirely likely that he hadn’t spoken to Shanna too much. Perhaps he had holed himself up in his apartment like he did following a tiring shoot, trying to sleep and rest and eat whatever carbs he could get his hands on. Maybe the opposite and he’d thrown himself into some training again. Maybe he’d gone back to Los Angeles for work, that he’d finally given in to Matt’s nudges and agreed to accept one of the many lucrative endorsement deals brands would throw his way every so often. Maybe he had been entertaining himself with the boys. Or with someone else. Someone…
No. This had been Sarah’s fault. There was no point trying to find justification for his absence. She had created a rift between a brother and sister where one should not have existed. He should have talked to Shanna but from Shanna’s probing and what little information she could gleam from Scott, evidently that didn’t appear to have taken place. She briefly considered googling his name to see if any news outlets had a scoop before deciding against it. She almost made it to her kitchen before giving in and bringing up a search on her phone. No. Nothing. He’d gone radio-silent as per usual. As she suspected. Normally, it was quite impressive of him to go under the radar with such precision but now it was just inconsiderate. How dare he not make his whereabouts publicly known so Sarah could come up with a half-convenient lie as to why he and Shanna hadn’t seen each other. A comforting lie that could make herself feel better about the mess.
It would have made her feel so much better to know they were getting along again. Selfishly, it would have made it easier for her to leave knowing that they were finding their own way of getting back on track with one another. Sarah could imagine Lisa fretting to Scott and Carly at night, wondering how she could help her two most stubborn children become pals again. Sarah would rather she had been forgotten completely in favour of them piecing their relationship back together, for everyone’s sake. If there was one thing Sarah hated more than drama, it was knowing she was the root cause of the drama. Separating herself from the family now would be preferable than being made increasingly aware of the glaring hole setting up home in their house. A meteoric hole that she had been responsible for. A hole inside a family unit that had gotten through a lot in their forty-plus years together. A wonderful, loving, generous family that had taken Sarah in without question and had accepted her as one of their own just because Shanna had once said she was “pretty cool”.
No, Shanna did not deserve to be frozen out by her brother. Chris didn’t deserve to feel like he couldn’t speak to his baby sister.
*
Another day passed and Sarah didn’t feel much better. She did, however, feel momentarily relieved by Audrey’s personal admission that she had googled Chris a couple of times as well. Another sip of steaming hot coffee and she further admitted to having set him up on her Google Alerts “just in case”.
“For safety. I’m just looking out for you.” Audrey declared before smirking at her across the table. “I didn’t want you waking up one morning to photos of him draped over some starlet or whoever. And don’t think for one second that I will not come for anyone who dares to speak ill of you online. You are beautiful and kind and funny and sweet and absolutely good enough for him. I swear to God and he can quote me on this. Think of me as your own personal hype-woman.”
“Wow. Thank you. That’s a lot to take in but it’s very kind.” Sarah laughed nervously. “I think.”
“All I ask in return is dibs on designer dresses for the wedding.” Audrey winked at her as she left the staffroom. She didn’t catch neither the eye roll nor the middle finger Sarah proffered in return.
A few moments of quiet passed and Sarah pulled up Scott’s number on her phone.
Sarah 10.45am: Is Shanna feeling any better?
Scott 10.52am: So so. She’s terrible at being an ill person. I don’t know how you manage it xx
Sarah texted a laughing emoji back in response followed by a couple of red hearts. She’d give anything to “manage” an ill Shanna right now.
Scott 11.04am: But how are you??? We miss you Xx
Sarah could feel the tears forming at the back of her eyes. It had been a couple of days since she had last cried but as her departure flight loomed ever closer she was feeling it more and more.
Scott 11.08am: Seriously………
Scott 11.09am: Please come see us soon. Mom is super worried about you and threatening to bring you her tiramisu
Scott 11.11am: don’t worry, I stopped her xx
She bit the inside of her lip a little too hard.
Scott 11.13am: but you owe me one. I had to eat half that thing xx
Chris loved tiramisu, she remembered. Maybe he was responsible for eating the other half.
It was no good. She was going to have to call him soon. Against the promise she’d made to herself about not thinking about him, it only served to keep her worrying about him more and more.
Sarah 11.20am: I know, I’m sorry. Tell her I’ll call her soon, I pormise xx
Sarah 11.21am: *promise
Scott 11.24am: not sure that’ll do much honeybun. You know what she’s like. Love you xx
She texted him a kiss emoji and felt relieved that he didn’t respond again. She pulled up Chris’ number and contemplated sending him a message. How would she even start? A simple “hey” was not going to cut it at this point, nor was a “how are you?”. Time was running out and as Ryan peered his head round the door to check on her, she shoved her phone back in her locker and left to finish off her day.
Sarah 15.58pm: Are you still alive?
She stayed staring at her phone for what felt like an eternity. Just before she resigned in disgust at her pitiful attempt at casual humour, she saw the tell-tale three dots appear at the bottom of her screen. They flickered for some time before stopping then starting again. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was composing some irate response at her pathetic joke or if he was deleting a message in favour of ignoring her altogether. She wasn’t sure which option she would prefer had she had the choice.
No response came through. She pulled a cup from the cupboard and set about making a small pot of coffee for herself. She still had a little time yet before she was due to leave for the airport and she had made plans to clean the place up a little before Shanna returned home, presumably a day or so later when she figured Sarah was safely out of the picture.
She picked up some daffodils and daisies on the way home from the hospital and separated the bunches between the living room, the kitchen and the hallway. She had visited two different grocery stores to find Shanna’s favourite flavour of ice cream and the fridge was stocked with some healthy veggies and yoghurt so she could make her breakfast smoothies in the morning. She also set about steam-mopping the hard floors so the clean, floral smell could spread through the entire apartment. It was a nice welcome home, she thought. She would appreciate it if someone had done the same for her.
Her phone started vibrating in the back pocket of her jeans as she folded the bedding that was fresh out of the dryer. She wasn’t altogether able to name the feeling she experienced at seeing Chris’ name flash on her screen alongside a photo of him smiling like the goof he was. A beautiful, sweet picture taken from Shanna’s birthday party three years previous. There was a time recently when she’d let it ring a little longer than was necessary just to allow herself the chance to stare at it for a few seconds more. But now was not one of those times.
“I genuinely didn’t think you were gonna answer me.” He said, his voice displaying the disbelief he was feeling.
“You would have kept ringing me otherwise.” It wasn’t an accusation as such, and he knew it.
“Yeh, probably. But I would have tried not to.” He said, matter-of-factly. “I’m not great with sussing women out but I figured you didn’t want to talk to me that much.”
She felt sad to hear him say it out loud even though it was true to an extent. He seemed submissive in some way. “Really?” She asked, more beseeching than she had intended.
He paused and she could hear him sigh. “Yeh, I would have. It would have been tough but I’ve thought about it a lot recently and I do have a little pride left, believe it or not.” She heard him straighten up and realised he’d been either lying on his couch or on his bed. “But you messaged me first. I’m kinda surprised to be honest.”
He wouldn’t be as surprised or impressed if she said it was just to check he hadn’t died in his sleep. She decided to keep that little tid-bit to herself.
“You’ve been quiet lately.” She said. “I mean, I thought...I don’t…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t actually know what I meant to be honest. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t haven’t contacted you out of the blue like this.”
“It’s fine. I’m glad you did.” Chris was feeling generous and decided to help her put out the fire. He knew she was panicking a little and no matter what else he was thinking right now, hearing her sound apprehensive wasn’t going to make him feel any better.
“I just wondered how you were doing, I suppose. I’ve been talking to Shan a little bit. Not a lot, not like we’re back to normal or anything but I wanted to check you were OK as well.” She tugged at the end of her sweater sleeve currently stretched between her fingers. “I haven’t really asked you that.”
He thought for a second. How was he feeling? He wasn’t sure he could give her an answer. He didn’t really know and he couldn’t make it sound half-positive even if he did. He had thrown himself into his work a lot more, much to the joy of Matt and some producers who had been trying to get his attention. When he wasn’t working out, he was reading scripts and when he wasn’t reading scripts, he was watching his diet. He had been very quiet on social media to an extent that someone in his PR team had taken to posting a couple of things on his behalf. Just two or three charity posts and something NASA-related to let his fans know he hadn’t completely disappeared. The team had notified him earlier that day that a cute dog video they had posted just 24 hours previous had gone viral and he had received more marriage proposals than usual as a result.
By now, he had learned how to fend off his mother and his brother. To be fair, it wasn’t all that hard to do with Scott. Scott had been understanding enough recently and he had the benefit of knowing when to shut up and let Chris go at his own pace. Pushing him was only going to have the opposite effect. More than once, he found himself wondering if Scott had spoken to Sarah. When he tried to hint around the situation to see if that had in fact been true, Scott had shut him down just as quickly. He didn’t mind that all too much. He appreciated Scott’s discretion and no doubt Sarah needed him just as much as he did.
“I’m alright, Bernette.” He said. “You know, fine.”
“Fine?”
“Yeh. Just fine. Nothing more.” He said. He didn’t much care about sugar-coating things but maybe that was out of a little tiredness and boredom. They were way past protecting each other from the other person’s feelings at this point.
“Anyway,” he shook his head. “What about you? How’s things with O’Brien?”
“Oh y’know. Yeh, fine, I guess.” She replied. “How did you know there was any issue with O’Brien?”
“You gotta love that Audrey.” He chuckled.
O’Brien had come under fire last week for yelling at a couple of interns and one of them, unbeknown to anyone else, happened to be the niece of a local congressman. Rumours were circling but Sarah and in fact most of her team had no time to pay attention to anything going on above their heads. That’s the thing with medical emergencies, you see: they never stop just because somebody’s job is on the line.
“Right.” She said. “What else has she said?”
“Nothing much.” He said. “She said you were worried about me.” There was a smugness that she decided to gloss over. Why was Sarah so surprised they had been talking about her behind her back? Why was she surprised that they had each other’s phone numbers?
“And you didn’t think to get in touch?”
“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”
Sarah chewed her bottom lip. If he could only see her now. He’d get a kick out of it for sure.
“Alright. Fair enough.” She sighed. “You’re OK. Good to know. I’ll let you get on with whatever you’re up to.”
“Is that it? That’s all you wanted to say to me?”
“Apparently Audrey has been filling you in.”
“Oh fucking-” He stopped himself. “You cannot be mad about this, surely. Listen, all she said was that you weren’t sure if I was OK because you thought I hadn’t been in touch with the guys. That’s all. She was doing the very thing you should have done yourself.”
She paused and swallowed. “Right.”
“Come on, Sarah. She thought she was helping. She’s just being a good friend.” He pinched the skin on his forehead between his thumb and forefinger. “And it was like yesterday or whenever. It’s not like we’ve been in touch constantly and talking about you all the time. She hasn’t said anything about how much you’re in love with me or how you can’t sleep for thinking about me.”
“What?!”
“It was a joke.” He deadpanned.
“Oh.” She said.
His heart sank – it wasn’t that much of a joke, he had hoped. He slid his hand down his face in frustration, pinching his nose slightly before leaning back on his sofa and staring up at the ceiling. He held his phone tightly to his ear and waited for her to speak.
“It’s OK.” She finally spoke. “I get it. I shouldn’t have been so distant these past few days. I’m sorry, Chris.”
He certainly wasn’t expecting that apology but he could roll with it. “This isn’t all on you, Sarah. I could have been in touch more, too. With everybody, I guess. I had a couple of meetings I had to prepare for so I think I just took that as an excuse not to be more present.”
“Anything fun?” She asked, taking the opportunity to change the subject.
“Kind of. Nothing massive. It’s an ensemble piece that a director wanted to talk to me about. It actually sounds pretty cool.” He scratched the side of his beard in contemplation. “It’s your cup of tea for sure. You like those murder-mystery-type films, right?”
“Oh yeh! Like Agatha Christie and Poirot? Love them.”
“I thought so. It’s a great script and I get some funny lines for a change. It’s something a little different and Matt keeps telling me that I need to think outside of the Marvel box, so…we’ll see how it goes.” He could feel himself growing a little more enthusiastic at the prospect of doing the movie. He should probably call Matt and tell him the same thing. He sounded like he was having a rough day so a contrite and grateful actor would cheer him up no end.
“Anyway, that’s about it. I’m kinda bored to be honest. Have you eaten yet today?”
She had all but emptied the fridge last night to remove anything that might go off in the next couple of days. Now it was filled with some of Shanna’s favourite things and there wasn’t anything in it that really appealed to her at this moment in time. She hadn’t thought much about food all day to tell the truth. She figured she’d grab a bagel while waiting for her flight.
“Um, no.” She said. “But I’m not that hungry either.”
“You don’t want waffles? With white chocolate? Raspberries?”
She did want that now he mentioned it. “No, I’m good.”
“That’s a lie.”
“It is not a lie.” Even she knew she wasn’t being convincing.
“Everybody wants waffles.” He implored. “It’s God’s way of saying he wants you to be happy. Come on, it’s my treat.”
“I just think…we probably shouldn’t see each other for a while.” She looked down the hall at the packed bags currently leaning against her bedroom door.
“It’s waffles, Sarah. I think I can control myself.”
“Um…”
“That’s good enough for me. See you in twenty.”
He hung up before she could respond. With no opportunity to persuade him otherwise, she stayed put in her kitchen, waiting for waffles.
*
“Hi.”
“Hi,” She smiled at him openly and saw his shoulders relax. Without prompting, he walked in past her and placed the take-out boxes on the counter. They were the size of pizza boxes and she felt her tummy rumble in anticipation.
“So, I’ve been thinking.” He started as he turned to face her again.
“In the few minutes since we last talked?” She spoke in jest.
“Hush, Bernette.” He eye-rolled. “I’ll have you know, I’ve been thinking very seriously these past few days and I know it’s tough right now but just hear me out, OK? Because I think I know a way to make things a little easier. Maybe if you get some time off from work, get some time away from everything, from Boston perhaps, it could actually make things a little better for the both of us. For everyone. I’ve been trying to think about things in a different way and not in my usual blinkered view or whatever the fuck Scott says I have, and I honestly think I’m seeing things a little clearer now, and…”
He glanced away from her face for only a split second but it was enough for him to visibly shrink a little in his stance before her eyes. Sarah followed his eyeline to the bags currently resting down the hall. The angle of the suitcase was hiding the other bags behind it but if he shifted a mere foot forward, he could possibly get the full picture.
Turning back to look at her, he furrowed his brow in confusion. “What’s going on?”
Sarah visibly swallowed and he knew the answer before she even opened her mouth. He became all too aware of her hands and arms hanging limply at her sides.
“I’m going to see my parents for a few days.”
“A few days? That’s a lot for a few days, Sarah. You normally travel light.”
“I just packed for a little longer ‘cos I wasn’t sure what I was going to-”
Chris didn’t give her time to bend the truth. He turned and walked back into the kitchen. She watched him move to the window before looking down at his feet and shaking his head in frustration. He rubbed a hand solidly over his beard. “You’re leaving.”
“Well, yeh, I’m going to see my parents and the two usually go hand in hand.”
“Oh, fuck off, Sarah.” He spat. “Don’t get smart with me. You’re doing a runner. This looks like a fucking cop-out.”
“No, you’re wrong. It’s not a cop-out and I don’t appreciate that tone either. If I was doing a runner, do you think I would do it in broad daylight and tell everyone what I was doing? I literally just told you where I was going.” She retorted.
She grabbed the last bottle of water from the fridge. She wasn’t particularly thirsty at that moment in time but she knew that he would eventually want it and she didn’t much feel like being accommodating right now especially not to a man who was calling her out in her own home. That he was entirely accurate in his assumptions was, well, irrelevant.
“How long are you really going for?” He asked as he watched her disappear from view and back down the hall to her bedroom.
“I just told you. A few days, maybe a week or so, and then I’ll figure it out from there.”
“Figure what out?”
“Just…” She turned back to face him, waving her hand vaguely in front of her in the vain hope he would suddenly understand everything she was trying to say. Either he did and didn’t want to give her an easy “out” or, most likely, he had zero clue because neither did she. Giving up, her shoulders slumped from their squared-off position just seconds ago when she was trying to give the impression of strength. “It’s just a lot, all of this, and I need some time out.”
He took another couple of small steps towards her before stopping by her bags. Looking down, he could see her intentions as clear as day now but as he looked back into her eyes, he could see her exhaustion ever clearer. They should be on the same side. He shouldn’t be picking on her this way.
“You just said I could do with a break, right?” She shrugged. “So, this is what I’m doing. You should be pleased. You could even say I’m taking your advice if you wanted to.”
“Yeh, but I actually meant taking a break together.” He conceded. “I came here to say I thought we could go to L.A. for a little while. I need to check on a couple of work things and I thought you could come with me. Nothing funny, I promise. Some proper sunshine might be cool, right?”
Sarah was struck by the kind gesture and the glint of hope now showing in his eyes. Despite what they had both said, he clearly hadn’t lost the small possibility that maybe they could try and forge something out of the ruins and, under different circumstances, she might have been tempted.
“Thanks for thinking of me.” She offered, merely giving him a small smile. It didn’t seem like there was much else to say. The bags were packed and now that he could take in his surroundings, it felt a little emptier somehow and like it had all been wiped clean. Except he didn’t feel so clean. He could feel her on him, on his skin and in his head, and he doubted he could remove her as easily as she was clearly hoping she could remove him.
“Do you think you’ll let us know when you come back?” he asked.
She looked passed him and down the hall, focussing on nothing in particular. “Yes, of course I’ll let you guys know. I’m not going forever.”
She tried her best to convince him but she knew it wasn’t going to do much.
“I know that,” he sighed. “but it’ll be weird not seeing you every day. It’ll be sad. I’ll be sad about it.”
He let out a deep breath and shuffled his feet awkwardly as he tried to think of something to say that might drag things out a little more, that might cause her to rethink her plans. It was one of the more frustrating things about her, that she could keep a secret so well. He briefly wondered if he could think of some more frustrating things about her that might help him cope with the current situation but no. Who was he kidding?
“I like this apartment.” He finally offered. “Some good memories.”
“You know that Shanna will still be here, right?” She chuckled.
“But you won’t be.” He said. “And between you and me? You’re kind of my favourite.”
“I won’t tell Scott you just said that.”
“He knows already. I wouldn’t worry about it.” He said. “Hey, do you think I could come and visit you?”
“Um-”
“-Just think about it. You don’t need to answer right now. It’s been ages since I’ve been to Maine and I hear they have amazing seafood.”
Sarah laughed again and regarded him like the small puppy he so obviously was. A small puppy that she realised she had been kicking ever-so-slowly over the past few weeks and it made her feel like shit. As much as she tried to convince herself otherwise, she knew she was running away and she knew she was a coward.
“I am sorry, Chris. For everything. I can’t really explain it in a way that means anything right now but I just wanted to say it clearly one more time to you in case I hadn’t really said it before.”
Chris held his hand up to stop her from saying anything more. He didn’t need an apology from her. Hearing her apologise only made him feel worse. Of the multiple times she had been caught under his gaze, nothing was quite like the way he was looking at her now.
“Sarah,” he started. “I need you to know that whatever it is you want from me, I’ll never say no.”
“Chris, I-”
“-Honestly, that’s….that’s the only thing I really wanted to say.” He held his hand up again to stop her if she was thinking of interrupting him again. “I’m gonna go and I hope you have a safe trip, OK? Enjoy your waffle. Maybe send me a text or something, let me know you made it there in one piece. If you want to. Maybe we’ll see each other again sooner rather than later.”
She saw his eyes glance behind her and into her bedroom. He turned and glanced once more into the bathroom like he was taking a mental picture of the place which seemed crazy to her until she remembered that he wasn’t strictly talking to Shanna and it was unlikely he’d be back here anytime soon. God, she hoped they’d fix things. She needed to at least believe her leaving would make things a little better for them. Otherwise, what would be the point?
*
They didn’t say goodbye in the typical sense or any kind of sense, really. She was almost relieved to watch him walk away quietly without looking back and equally as relieved to have made it to the airport without much more fuss.
Like it was said, she was a coward.
Audrey had called her to wish her a safe journey and then spent fifteen minutes complaining about O’Brien and a patient who had taken to calling her “princess”. Sarah was glad of the distraction as she made her way through the airport towards the waiting lounge. It was pretty busy for the time of evening but she was glad to feel invisible once again as she moved through the heavy criss-crossing crowds of people, each with their own issues to deal with. Something about strength in numbers perhaps. A couple more hours and she’d be home again. A couple more hours and Jocelyn could stop texting her messages that made little sense.
Oh God.
Living with her mother again was going to try her patience. Maybe this was the price she had to bear? It wasn’t too late to change her mind, Audrey had said before pleading in a half-joking, half-serious manner that surely, she wasn’t going to leave her to handle the hospital by herself? It was almost like she was expecting never to see Sarah again. A few weeks. That was all it was going to be. Then she’d figure out what to do from there, with a break and some fresh Maine-air to clear the cobwebs. Chris was right about the seafood and the closer she got to her departure time, the more she started looking forward to it. She was sure she was making the right decision.
Chris 19.46pm: Don’t forget about us xx
She was sure she was making the right decision.
It was 100% the right decision.
Right?
*
#chris evans#chris evans fic#fanfiction#clear the area#sarah bernette#chris fic#chris evans x original female character#evans fic
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Demons
- Your eyes, they shine so bright, I want to save their light
I can’t escape this now, unless you show me how -
“Mac, please don’t-”
Detecting your will to prevent Mac from taking that hard choice, Taylor held your arms and pulled you back away.
“Leave me!” you wagged, with all your strength left.
Heat statistics were finally dropping. “What have you done?” you whispered, the same moment Mac pressed the red button.
No answer. You three just stood there: witnesses of the death of a good man who was just trying to do his job, in order to save the city and his family. Not moving his eyes from the screen until the very end, Mac half turned to you, lowering his gaze right after. Russ lose the hold on you, and you got close to the screens and those deadly buttons. But the “reverse” button wasn’t on that console.
“There had to be another way!” you burst out.
“Y/N, that was the only way-”
“It’s okay, Russ.” Mac stopped your British colleague with a little hint of his hand, then turning to you: “Y/N, if you want to fight me, if you hate me...I won’t blame you.”
Russ newly set it, trying to calm spirits down: “It was him or the city. It’s mathemat-”
You screamed: “Well, fuck math! When guilt of having watched a man dying without moving a finger will strike tonight, it won’t be math that’s going to help me sleep”
——————————————————————————
You lay your hand on the shower’s silver knob and turn it on. The warm water jet hits your skin as you close your eyes.
The feeling of two strong arms rounding your waist, and pulling you in. Back against his chest, you rest your head on Mac’s shoulder. His breath caresses your neck’s skin as he whispers something that makes you smile. He can literally make you smile out of nothing. You look at him through your wet eyelashes, and meet his blue eyes. The same blue eyes stuck on that screen, so still, despite of being filled by tears.
You open your eyes with a gasp. When this job has become so complicated? You remember times of getting home to drink a beer with Mac and your friends around the fire pit. Evenings, holidays, birthdays filled by jokes and laughters.
You close the water and get out of the shower. With just a towel wrapped around your body shape, you walk around the house, alone, in the darkness. You head for the kitchen, take a bottle of wine and drink a couple of glasses: the ultimate remedy to make you sleep since your thoughts had become more persistent.
The bruise of the door opening and the light from the street get your attention. Mac leaves his keys on the little dish and walks in the kitchen, sure of you already being sleeping.
He slightly widens his eyes seeing you standing there.
“Hey, you still awake?”
Despite of you not having been the best in showing your affection lately, you still want Mac to find a caring person when he gets home. You’re tired of falling asleep alone and waking up to him sleeping on the couch.
“Guess who couldn’t fall asleep without you by her side?” you speak softly, putting your arms around his neck.
He’s surprised by your reaction, but a genuine half smile shows up anyways.
You go on, joking: “I’ve heard you always coming back late from work these past nights. Has Matty been covering you with work or is it just you and Russ looking for conspiracy theories as usual?”
After a silent moment, he cautiously answers: “Since you seemed to need more space, I offered Matty to finish some extra work.”
“Well, if this means you doing crazy hour at work, I am not okay with it anymore.”
Mac spots a drop of water falling from your hair, and follows with his thumb its path down your neck, collarbone, shoulder. “You’re so beautiful. I don’t deserve you.” he whispers, kissing you where he started.
You breath out of relieve of that much needed contact. He grips the towel on your sides pulling you closer, as you cup his face moving down to the collar of his shirt. His hands run up your back, to stop below your nape, fingers locking in your wet hair. You kiss him fondly for a moment of pure, unadulterated bliss.
Detaching his lips from yours and giving you a corned look, Mac murmurs: “Have you drunk?”
“Just a couple of glasses before you got home” you state, without giving too much weight to that detail.
As you get closer for another kiss, he takes up the subject: “Why?”
“I felt really tense and I thought this could have helped us to relax” you caress his arms, trying to keep a contact with him.
“Wow, I am such a fool. I really thought all of this came naturally. That you needed to be with me again.”
He walks towards his room, letting the distance between you grow.
Not being able to keep the true for yourself any longer, you explode: “It’s just, it’s just I keep seeing that man falling on the ground, dying under our eyes, again and again. The image on that screen is stuck on my mind. But I don’t want this to ruin everything between us.”
“Well, it already happened. You stopped seeing me in the same way after that day. You are barely able to look me in the eyes. I know that you blame me for that death...”
“I’m just scared this job could have changed us. I feel like I can’t move on, not yet, at least.”
Tears fall from your eyes as Mac answers: “You’re right. I’ve changed, and it’s wrong making you to accept what I turned into.”
------------------------------------------------------------
“So, how’s your relationship going? Have you managed to fix things with your partner?”
“Pretty bad.” You answer your therapist’s question “I’ve tried to establish a connection with him, instead of keeping avoiding the problem, as you suggested me, but it didn’t work out very well. I feel like I ruined everything.”
“Why do you talk like this?”
“I had drunk, then we had a moment but he noticed it and thought everything happened just because I wan’t completely sober. But it’s not like that, I really wanted to be close to him as we used to. Then, I told him how I felt since we came back from that mission and he started saying I blame him from all that happened back then...” You massage your temples, closing your eyes and forcing you to breath in and out regularly.
“Y/N, it has been awhile now, and I’ve read all the files about your past missions multiple times...Could it be you can’t get over what your partner was obliged to do, because you still can’t forgive yourself for that one time you had to take the same decision by yourself?”
One tear fall from your eyes: “I had promised to myself that I would have never let that happen again...”
Before you can add other words, Matty breaks in the room: “Y/N, I’m sorry to interrupt your session, but we need you on the field, now...”
“O-okay” You discreetly wipe your tear and get up, nodding to your therapist and to your boss.
“They’ll explain you as you go. Now please take this and leave it in the war room.” Matty handles you a file and disappears in an office of the Phoenix’s base.
Once in the war room, you lay it on the small table and look for your bag to put away files from your past missions and your therapist’s report about the sessions. You’ll consign them to Matty after the mission.
“Y/N, we need to go” Mac enters in the room.
“Yes, I just need to arrange some things”
“Please, just do it later” he prompts you.
“Okay, but remember me to pick up these things before going home” you reply, leaving all the dossiers on the table and following him out.
------------------------------------------------------------
Despite of the tiredness due to the long day and mission, you keep replaying the words of your therapist and the memories that they made surface on your mind, on a loop.
You get in the hallway and stand in front of Mac’s door. You raise your fist, ready to knock. Once done, you receive no answer. You change your mind multiple times, repetitively approaching the door and stumbling back, until you lower the hold and get in. You look for a sign from Mac, but he seems peacefully asleep on his side. Your gut tells you to go on, so you crawl on the mattress and lie next to him.
Rubbing an hand on his face, Mac asks: “Y/N, what are you doing?”
“Checking you’re okay.” you whisper.
“I am. Good night.” He lets slide an arm under the pillow, and close his eyes.
You caress his hair, then his cheeks, noticing he cried: “I knew something was wrong. But I won’t let you face your demons alone”
“That’s not on you, Y/N. I made my choices and have to take the burden.”
“It was the right choice. I’ve always known it. I guess I wasn’t able to forgive myself for something I did much time ago, and seeing you doing the same was like history repeating without having the power to change things.”
“Y/N, I have to confess you a thing...”
“Of course”
“You left those files in the war room today, and then you forgave to recollect them, so I thought to bring them back home for you...I opened one of them to see if it was work related, and then I read they were about you having suffered from PTSD in the past and resuming therapy...I’m so sorry, that was so not me, but I wanted to know you were okay...”
“Mac, you don’t have to worry about me” you reply.
“So why you didn’t you tell me you were seeing a therapist? I’ve read you talked to her about us. I could have helped you. I could have come with you.”
“Mac, we haven’t talked a lot lately, don’t you think? It would have been unfair to let you know about my problems, seen what you were going through, too...”
“Okay, but why you never talked to me about that mission? The one you had to shoot to that girl?”
“I should have done it, I know. I should have let you know everything about my past, so you could have chosen if staying or leaving. It’s just, when I met you everything changed. It took me so much time to move on, that I wasn’t ready to share this with anybody. Relieve all the guilt, the pain...”
“I wouldn’t have changed my mind on you, even if I knew that.” he reassures you.
“Well, maybe I can tell you now...”
“You don’t have to do it-“
You interrupt him: “I want...Me and the team I worked with at that time were following a group of terrorists. Late teenagers brainwashed since young age, in order to make them enroll and commit crimes. We had been reported they would have attacked civilians on a public event. Once on the place, the situation escalated quickly. They have already hurt some people, my colleagues were able to separate and catch most of them, but it missed a girl. I was able to follow her and noticed she got a very dangerous weapon with her, one able to make way worst damages than what they had already caused to those people. As soon as I got her under fire, I shot to kill. The stakes were too high. I didn’t think about it twice. Just when paramedics brought away her body, I realised. If she only was born elsewhere, or met different people, maybe she would still be alive, she would have had a family... »
« So why do we feel so bad? It’s like I can’t go back to be the person I was, the person you loved. » Mac asks, resigned.
« The person I love is right in front of me. I love you, Mac, and nothing in this world will ever change that. »
« Neither me deciding who lives and who dies? »
“ You would have never done it, if there only had been another way. It would have been less painful for you to sacrifice yourself, rather than pressing that button. And your tears make a clear example of it.”
“Yeah...”
“I wish I would have acted in your place to save you this feeling...” As you cup his face and kiss him, Mac takes you under his arm like you were his last and most important thing left.
“Do you trust me?” you wonder.
“With all my life.” he replies.
“Nothing inside of you has ever changed.”
#macgyver#angus macgyver#angus macgyver x reader#macgyver x reader#mac x reader#macgyver reboot#macgyver 2016#macgyver fandom#fanfiction#fanfic#macgyver fanfiction#macgyver fanfic
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Congratsss!!🤩🤩
And 💚 (forbidden looovee!)
Thank you!! <3 <3 <3
Okay so I'll name the characters Z and X and use they/them pronouns for both because it's gender neutral (feel free to put any other names or pronouns in your head as you read it). Since you didn't specify any specific type of forbidden love, I'm gonna do royalty/servant. Anyway, enjoy!
X- Royal Heir
It was itchy and uncomfortable. The fabric scratched my skin in a way that make me squirm. And all the squirming got me was multiple jabs with the needle that the dressmaker was holding. She was a tall severe looking lady with thick brows and a thin mouth. She gave me a glare that could send an armed soldier running away so I held still.
"This is just to take your measurements before the actual fabric arrives. Now, raise your arms." And so it went. It was a beautiful afternoon, the sun dawdled in the sky, casting its benevolent gaze upon the grass. I wanted to go out and ride or maybe just lay upon the grass and read. But for now, I was stuck getting measured for the Equinox Ball, dedicated to Moon.
There was, at the beginning of time, a fiery being providing light and warmth to all the world. But after some time, the creatures living beneath this being were too warm and unable to get any rest from the brightness all the time. They went to the fiery being, Sun, and asked for some respite, just a few hours in a day with less light and warmth. Sun was offended at first, how dare those creatures ask for respite from her. She scrutinised them for hours and hours and realised their plight.
So she took a small portion of her light and created another smaller being, Moon. She decreed that she and Moon would take turns blessing the creatures with their light. Moon's light was gentler and dull enough for them to rest, and Sun's light was bright enough to work. To celebrate these two beings, we hold two Equinox balls every year, one dedicated to Sun and the other to Moon.
I stood there sulking (inwardly. I don't want to invite more jabs from the dressmaker). I didn't want to waste this glorious afternoon being cooped up inside. Also, how could the dressmaker not know my measurements already? She only makes clothes for me. (The extra cakes I had this past week might've made her want to measure again).
And then, they walk in. My gaze darts to theirs, two attractive forces, helplessly drawn to one another. My gaze holds onto theirs as they walk and nearly end up crashing into a table. I laugh discreetly (not so much) as they glare at me. Oh, how I love that fiery gaze. I watch the swish of their skirt as they move around the room and feel my heart race in my chest.
Z-Servant
Did X have to stare so obviously? I could feel the weight of the stare, like a shawl tenderly sitting on my shoulders. I try my best to ignore it and collect the clothes I came here to collect. As I gather them in my arms, I sneak a peak at the Royal Heir. They look perfect as always, dark hair and dark skin gleaming in the sunlight. Their eyes look mischievous and flirtatious and I quickly pull my gaze away, if I don't look away now I'd lose myself entirely in that endlessly alluring gaze. That's how this whole thing started after all.
I'd gaze at the Royal Heir whenever I could. I'd enter a room and my eyes would be drawn to them magnetically. I'd watch their graceful walk and their masterfully braided hair. I'd watch the way the sun caught on the gold threads of their robes and my heart would flutter. I didn't even have to be subtle, nobody notices the servants. But then one day, I saw them looking so sad. Their shoulders were drooping and their eyes seemed melted. So I arranged their cloth napkins at the dining table into a swan.
They walked in slumped into the chair and suddenly brightened up upon seeing the swan. They smiled gently and ran one finger along its wings. They then looked around to see who'd done it. I was staring happily at them, not expecting them to suddenly turn around like that and their eyes caught mine and how could I have ever been expected to look away? We stared at each other for a small eternity and then I grinned at them forgetting for a moment that they were the Royal Heir. They seemed shocked, eyes widening and mouth opening a little (they later told me it was because I had a bewitching smile), and I thought they were appalled at my breaking the rules and I quickly left the room.
We had an interesting way of courting. We'd both leave things at the table for the other to find. A flower, a note, a biscuit. And somehow, suddenly and oh-so slowly, we fell in love. Treasonous, dramatic, tender love. It seemed as impossible as two stars crashing into each other, but crash, we did.
At first, it all seemed so exciting, the thrill of doing something you knew you weren't supposed to and getting away with it. But then, we has a very close call. They'd left a note at the table but that day I was waylaid with other work so another servant picked up the note. Luckily for us, the servant assumed the Royal Heir was writing it for someone else and left it in their chambers, but at that moment it was terrifying. The realisation that we could be caught so easily was sobering and chilling. I might be removed from the palace, and then how would I support my family?
It scared me so much I refused to see them or meet with them for weeks. I was miserable without them, but I was also relieved that I didn't have to hide anymore. So I sulked about, my heartbreak invisible to everyone.
Then they started leaving notes everywhere, so specifically placed, only I'd find them. I couldn't even be angry anymore because it was as clear as anything, they watched me as much as I watched them. They cared. So I decided then and there, circumstance might rip us apart but I wouldn't be the one to do it.
I hurry out of the room, nearly tripping on my skirt again (why do I always act like this in front of them?) and race to the washers to deposit the clothes. I slam my hands on the wall and take deep breaths. I hate that they can make me lose my composure like this (I don't hate it. I don't hate anything about them).
I calmly walk away towards the dressmaker's workrooms, sneaking glances discreetly to see if the Royal Heir is still here. As I'm walking I catch a glance of a gleaming silver crown and see my chance. I wrap my hand around a fine-boned wrist and yank the rest of their body into the alcove where I am.
"Ahh- Oh! Oh, it's you," they say, eyes wide.
"It is," I reply grinning, loving that their eyes catch on my mouth.
I pull my hands gently through their hair and they sigh, wrapping their arms around my waist. I open my eyes to see theirs closed and their face the picture of relaxation and contentment. Now that's gotta change.
X-Royal Heir
They bend down and bring their lips to mine and my knees go weak. The kiss is fierce and gentle and it makes butterflies erupt in my belly. It feels like the whole world has been shaken thoroughly and then suddenly stood still just for us (how does it feel this way every time? I hope it always does. I hope we get to have an always).
I pull back to breathe and just stare at the rosy flush on their cheeks. They look so happy, it takes my breath away for a moment. That smile could conquer whole armies.
"You are stunning, I hope you know that," I say.
"I can tell by the way you're looking at me," they respond, smirking a little.
I press their forehead against mine and just breathe the air they are breathing. It feels like I'm absorbing a little bit of them, just a little bit to last me till the next time we get to meet.
"The Son's light pales in comparison to yours, and the Moon's silver sheen can't hold a candle to the way you glimmer," they say and place a soft kiss on my forehead. Then they saunter off.
Z-Servant
I sneak a glance behind me to see their hair completely dishevelled and their mouth open a little. My heart soars and my hands are twitching to bury themselves in Z's hair again. I still can't believe I get to make the Royal Heir look like that.
I sink against a different alcove and close my eyes. I recollect the words they told me last time. "I love you, and I'm not ashamed of you. I'd show you off to the whole world if I could. I will show the whole world one day and until then, I'll give you all the love my heart can hold."
The sneaking around is not easy, it makes me paranoid and twitchy sometimes, terrified and jumpy at others, but whenever it gets hard those words play over and over again in my head. They love me. They love me. They love me. Three tiny words, but they feel larger than the Sun and Moon. Holding them in my heart feels like carrying my very own universe in my chest, eternally alive and shining. This entire affair may ruin me, but now that I have felt their love, not having it would ruin me just the same.
#this was a delight to write#I hope you enjoyed it#thanks for the ask#feel free to ask more any time#I love getting writing based asks#forbidden love
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hi!! i love your work! can i request a nsfw scenario with chuuya and fem s/o topping or pegging him ? thank you !!!
Genre: NSFW, Little Scenarios
Tags: Pegging, Femdom, Strong language, A bit of degradation
▮ ❝ Hello, anons~ I hope you don't mind that I'll collectively answer your requests. I'm truly not well-versed in the act of pegging and tbh it's not my cup of tea. But I wanted to challenge myself so I hope you'd like this~ (>︿<｡) ❞
It was no secret to anyone who has met you that you certainly are always on top of everything that you do.
You're ambitious, driven and independent. That's what magnetized him towards you in the first place, and he will never try to change that.
He's proud of who you are and to be honest, it kind of inflates his ego– because behind close doors, he gets to be the one with the most control.
That's how it is usually, anyway. Tonight, however, is anything but usual.
·⊹⊱— 「 𝙳𝚊𝚣𝚊𝚒 • 𝙾𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚞 」 —⊰⊹·
“Careful, my darling. You might hurt me with that.” Dazai chuckled nervously.
He spoke as if you're pressing a knife against his throat, but you really can't blame him. After all, you are pressing the lubed up tip of your strap-on dildo on his barely prepared asshole.
“Don't worry. Believe it or not, I've done this before.”
Dazai harshly sucked air through his gritted teeth as you slowly pushed your way inside the tight passage of his anus. Pain and pleasure instantly mixed and coursed within the blood on his veins, foiling his attempt to recollect the bridge of events that led him to be bound, naked and face down on your bed like a sacrificial offering. Which he probably is given the lack of foreplay and regard for his overall well-being, he's sure you're doing this as a punishment more than anything.
“I'm not stupid, Dazai,” you declared as you push the last inch of the dildo inside him. “I know that you keep flirting with other women in front of me to make me jealous, even if I've warned you multiple times.”
You don't have to be a detective to notice the side glances he would give you while running a finger on some other girl's jaw or how he would deliberately comment on someone else's beauty even if you're right beside him. He's been acting up like a spoiled brat ever since you got a big project that you've been working on most of the time and barely paid him any attention. You supposed that you underestimated how needy your boyfriend can be but you really wouldn't tolerate such bratty attitude from anyone. It's time for you to put him in his proper place.
Dazai scoffed arrogantly, preparing to give you a snappy comeback. But with just one hard thrust, his words dissipated into nothing but a pained groaned. You didn't really want to give your boyfriend a chance to sweet talk his way out of this, so you followed up with your actions. Blow after blow, thrust after thrust– Dazai was trying his hardest to keep himself stable while you recklessly plow him.
His cock was flushed against the mattress but it still manages to achingly twitch every time you hit that special spot deep within him. The small friction his erection is getting from your movement is enough to make him cream, and he's very conscious about the possibility that he has already stained your sheets with the pre-cum he failed to prevent leaking out.
“I hope by now you've understood that you belong to me as much as I belong to you,” you stated. “I can fuck you as hard as you fuck me.”
Dazai sneered, “That's for sure.”
Despite the beads of sweat rolling down his face and the awkward way his usual smirk is quirked up on his lips, it gave you much delight to know that your seemingly confident boyfriend enjoys being dominated over like this as much as you do. You smirked and gave one of his ass cheeks a stinging smack before re-adjusting your position and burying your dildo deeper inside him.
Dazai cried out, choking in between chanting your name and vocalizing his moans that won't stop escaping his throat.
“So good,” he said in a low whisper but somehow still made its way on your ears.
His moans began to be more relaxed now, he's definitely feeling more of the pleasure than the initial sting of being pegged. You pinned yourself in position by grabbing on Dazai's hips and began to pound him even harder than you already have.
Each one of your violent pushes knocked the wind out of Dazai's lungs, but he couldn't care less because, as your dildo reach the deepest parts of his hole, it sends him flying in to the sky. You're hitting the places he himself never knew existed; spots that makes his eyes roll so far back in his head and make his whole body numb from the overwhelming pleasure.
Dazai clenched his jaw hard as you hit a specific bundle of nerves over and over again, taking him higher and higher, further and further to the edge, and before he knew it– his defenses crashed down on him.
With your dildo still planted deep inside him, Dazai screaming out your name was your only warning before he tightly pressed his lips together and let his cum unload, spurting wildly out of his cock. Visible white lines are made after another, painting a some sort of pattern of strokes on your sheets that could be considered artistic if it was made by a different material.
You smiled proudly with what you've done, keeping your thrusts deep and controlled as you let your boyfriend finish his release. While Dazai is still dazed and high from such an explosive ejaculation, you took the chance to lean in to his ear. With the sweetest voice you could do, you gave him another threat if he ever decided to pull such an act on you again.
“Maybe next time, I'll have you wear a butt plug when you go to work and make you play with it while your co-workers are around.”
In which, your mischievous boyfriend replied with an amused chuckle.
·⊹⊱— 「 𝙲𝚑𝚞𝚞𝚢𝚊 • 𝙽𝚊𝚔𝚊𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊 」 —⊰⊹·
“Shit,” he exhaled, tears collecting at the edges of his eyes. “Slow down, babe.”
Chuuya's soft plea was tantalizing but given the way he looks beneath you, slowing down isn't really something you'd want to do. Both of his hands are handcuffed on either side of the bed frame, trembling legs splayed wide open for you and his cock visibly twitching with every brutal thrust you gave him.
You smirked at him, eyes darkened with lust as you ignored his contorted face to go in an even faster pace. Chuuya growled and cursed, eyes shut tightly and fists clenched as he tries to get accustomed to being the one taking all the blows.
“What's wrong? Isn't this what you wanted? A little excitement?” Your tone was sharp like daggers and along with the burning sting on his ass hole, he felt a prick on his chest.
It's true that lately he had been neglecting you, he even thought about breaking up. He didn't think it was fair to keep all of this from you though, so he decided to tell you about it. The spark between the two of you is starting to die, he says. He needs a bit more excitement in his life, he says. Well maybe he just need a reminder as to who he's exactly talking to.
With every sputtering curses, shaky whimper and throaty groaned that Chuuya let's out, your pride swells up. Your attention dropped from his flustered face and down to his needy cock, its pre-cum already threatening to trickle down his shaft.
You grabbed it with vigor, instantly pumping it as mercilessly as your thrusts. Your reward came from your boyfriend's little cries and begs for a little break.
“(Y/N)... Please... I–” he choked out.
“What? Are you going to come? I guess you really liked being fucked hard, don't you?” You asked but Chuuya can't give you a coherent answer even if he wanted to. All he can muster is a string of broken curses and pleads.
Still feeling unsatisfied, you ordered him.
“Say it. I want you to beg me to let you come.”
You saw his frown deepened but nothing left his lips but drawn out moans. You gave him a particularly rough thrust before stopping everything at once. His eyes shot open, and looked at you with some degree of horror.
“Alright, alright. Fine,” Chuuya blurted out, taking a deep breath and then sighing.
“I–” another deep breath. He clenched his jaw on the thought of throwing every ounce of his pride as a man out of the window but his ache for a release prevails over his logic. “I– I want to come, okay? Wait, no. Please let me come.”
It made you scoff with how pathetic he sounded like, but you still didn't have him exactly where you want him to. So, you rub your thumbs along the swollen tip of his cock and demanded: “Again.”
Chuuya's face once again contorted in agony. Any residue of what once was his dignity is now wiped off as he let himself completely surrender to you.
“Just fuck me and let me come, goddammit!” He exclaimed. “Please just let me come.”
“See? That wasn't so hard.” You smirked at him, and he just clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Now, you get a reward.”
Once your hips started to move, Chuuya's head planted once more on the pillow underneath him. His abs constantly clenching and unclenching as his breathing gets more uneven with every one of your swings and strokes.
You remained silent as you picked up on your pace, letting your boyfriend's screams and moans occupy your ears. You let the hunger for lust and power blaze a fire in your core and consume you as you watch Chuuya's features tighten. His cock started to twitch wildly on your palm, his cried got louder and more desperate and as you gave another one hard push inside the walls of his abused anus, Chuuya came unraveling in front of you.
His voice rang throughout the four walls of the bedroom as ribbons upon ribbons of his white, warm cum squirted out his cock and decorated his own toned body.
The rest of his ejaculation was squeezed out of him by the shallow pulses of your dildo deep inside his ass, and he let out an almost animalistic growl as he spills every last drop that he have.
When he was done, he cursed you in the most loving way as he tried to stabilize his own breathing.
You pulled out unannounced, making him hiss for the last time. Without saying a word, you left him there to think about what he told you about his feelings. Maybe he'll change his mind whilst he soaks on his own cum.
#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd imagines#bsd scenarios#bungou stray dogs imagines#bungou stray dogs scenarios#bsd hcs#bsd fanfic#bsd chuuya#bsd dazai#bsd anime#bsd#chuuya nakahara x reader#nakahara chuuya x reader#bungou stray dogs chuuya#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#osamu dazai x reader#bungou stray dogs dazai#dazai x reader#dazai osamu x reader#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#bsd soukoku#soukoku
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Whiskey and smoke | KTH & PJM
Pairing: Taehyung / Named OC / Jimin
Rating: 16+
Warnings: Bartender Taehyung!au / Rich Jimin!au / vague mentions of sexual assault / drinking / smoking / Written in OC's POV
Summary: She has been bound to follow orders all through her life. Living a life of restraint, Taehyung had become her only source of relief. And one day, he and a very handsome stranger from the bar take a decision that rocks her damned world.
Word count: 2.9k
I swirl the amber liquid in the glass. Pegs after pegs of whiskey already In my system. It does me more good than harm. Has been doing it for the past 4 years.
It has become my companion over the years. I don't lose myself it. Never will. I find myself when have it by my side. I find the confidence I crave for. The world becomes brighter than it ever possibly could.
The bartender keeps a close eye on me, his lips forming a pout. He's sometimes the only one who cares about me. And I'll gladly indulge myself knowing I'm not unwanted.
"I'm alright Tae. It's not my first time drinking." I wave him off.
"That's why I'm worried, noona. Another family gathering?" He inquires.
"Hmm. And a few important clients from his company."
"You should tell them this isn't the life you want, Val. You're drinking yourself to death at this rate."
"It's not that easy." I sigh.
"It is that easy. You've never tried to know that." He whispers harshly.
"Don't act as if you care." I sneer. He talks as if it's that easy to confront them. Them. My manipulative parents.
"I do care, okay! You think I asked you out thrice because I don't care? All you've done those times was throw the same shitty excuse at my face. You won't understand how much I care, Valeria. You're too drunk to even try and understand how hard I'm trying to see you as just a bestfriend when we know we both are not just that." He looks disappointed in me for the first time and it breaks my heart. I look straight into his eyes without letting myself waver and he stares with the same intensity. He finally gives up, slamming the shaker on the counter before heading to the other side of the bar.
To hear him call me by name and not 'noona' or 'Val' makes me almost tear up. I sniffle, pulling my hair towards my face. The world blurs and the scenes from my first time meeting him take over.
It was in high school I first saw him. My bestfriend introduced me to this club. Back then this building had been used as a hangout spot for people interested in motorsports. Jungkook and I sneaked out from school on multiple occasions to meet with the people here. It was everything I had ever wished for. I had nothing to hide about among those people. Didn't have to pretend who I was. There was always free alcohol here. And the first time Jungkook brought me here, a guy had draped his arm over my bestfriend's shoulder and said "Who have you brought here with you, Jungkookie?"
He had smiled so wide at me, I wondered for a second if I was in heaven. How could someone have been so beautiful and been a human?
Jungkook had introduced us to each other and left us alone to get along. And we did. We got along so well and so fast, we were surprised. He talked my ear off about a girl he loved. Narrated so many stories about their happy life together. They sounded so happy and in love, that it struck me like a flash of lightning when he said she cheated on him multiple times. His eyes that had been scrunched up in a smile all afternoon and had suddenly taken a glossy sheen to them.
It had been the first time I had seen a man cry. I remember wondering if I could ever soothe him. If I could see him smile once again that day. But he recovered pretty quick. He had found something else to hold onto and love. Motor racing.
The sound of a throat clearing rings beside me and I lift up my face to look at the person. A man about my age peers at me from above his glass of scotch. There's a slight hint of a smile on his lips as if he's watched the previous conversation with Tae and finds our little fight amusing.
I sniffle and glare at him, which only makes him smile more openly. He sets down the glass on the counter and wipes the liquid off his plump lips with the back of his palm.
"Don't worry about him. He'll come around soon." He says, voice gentle and laced with a teasing smile.
"And I don't need a stranger telling me that about my bestfriend." I snicker. It makes a foul emotion crawl through my skin. To see an outsider talk about Tae, my Tae, as if he knows him better than I do.
"My my I should've probably introduced myself first. I'm Park Jimin. Taehyung's roommate." The smirk that's settled on the man's lips is so frustrating, it makes me want to punch him square in the nose.
"Do you smoke?" He asks. For once it feels like he's not mocking me. I nod, placing my hand in his when he extends it.
It's then I realize that I'm following a man that I've met for the first time outside. Beneath the arrogance, he seems like a gentleman by the way he's curled his fingers around mine. A fragility in the way he handles me.
We walk a few blocks away from the club. Music from the place we just left still faintly following us. Jimin then sits on the clean sidewalk, looking at me to sit down too. And I do. Sitting so close to him, I take to opportunity to really absorb his features into my brain. 'He's beautiful' is the conclusion my mind comes to.
He holds out a cigarette, waiting for me to put it between my lips. I part my lips open for him to do so. He gulps before doing so and then proceeds to take out his lighter. The orange light the flame produces shines on his face making him look handsome in a different way.
His eyes lift up from the cancer stick in my mouth to my eyes and fall back on my lips. He's quickly moving away from me as if he's scared of the effect I would have on him.
I take in puffs of the smoke, let it fill my lungs with the toxins. I still don't understand why it relieves me, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't. It's just as good of a friend of mine as is the alcohol.
"So you're the one who's been hooking up with Tae for so long." He says, pushing away the silence that had engulfed us. I nod, letting out the smoke I'd held in my mouth.
"I've known Tae my whole life. And I've seen him cry only a handful of times. The first time was back in high school. When he cut his ex-girlfriend out of his life. For good." He grits out the final part, eyes unfocused as he recollects his memories.
"And then a couple of years later. When you told him about your family. He didn't tell me anything other than how he thinks they're the shittiest people in your life. Didn't go into much detail about it. Just cried in my arms all night until he fell asleep." He's now looking at me with a soft look in his eyes.
"He told me he loved you that night. I always teased him about this Valeria who had his heart. Still has it. The last time I saw him cry was when you rejected him. The first time." I remember that day, I considered it the worst moment of my life. And Jimin wasn't the only one that saw him cry that day.
I woefully smile, feeling a lump in my throat grow bigger. Taking another long drag of the cigarette, I flick it onto the road. It doesn't fall far from me though. Jimin is stretching towards it and tossing it into a waste bin close by without lifting his ass up. He's smirking once again, winking at me. I laugh at his attempt to impress me with his aiming skills.
"They are shitty people. My family. I'm only something they use for their publicity stunts. Attending their business parties, walking around in rich gowns for the men to see. They never for once asked me what I wanted. All they've done is throw things at me and demand at me to be what they wanted me to be." I laugh, but it's anything but with happiness.
"I've abandoned my dreams to be a living doll for those people. I've had strangers my father's age run their filthy hands over my body. And he watched, that man. Watched his friends make his daughter feel like dirt. Can still feel the fingers of the guy my dad wants me to marry on my bare back from just hours ago." My voice cracks, tears no longer being able to be held within the confines of the waterline. As they tumble down my cold cheeks, I wrap my arms around myself. Feeling naked in my backless dress.
Jimin rustles beside me, shrugging his blazer down his shoulders and wraps it over me. He giving me an apologetic look which I wave off. I'm too tired to deal with the problems in my life.
"Why won't you agree to be Tae's girlfriend when you love him? The guy your dad chose is obviously a pathetic excuse of a man."
"I'm not the kind who stand up for themselves. I kept telling him that I'll never be able to turn down my father's order if he asks me to marry a rich businessman. I'd have to cut Taehyung out of my life and I can't do that to him. He deserves someone way better than that." I sniffle, wiping my face free of the moisture. Jimin's letting my words sink in, thinking of a response.
"Look, I've not had a great family either. Left them behind when I was really young. I let them know how forcing their decisions on me was not worth losing me. So, I understand how you must feel. But it's always nice to have someone fight for you, fight the whole world with you. And with Taehyung in your life, I don't know if there is anyone who'll be as careful with your heart as he is."
"Stop trying to set me up with him." I laugh.
"Just saying." He replies, his eyes closed into crescents as he joins in my laughter.
"Got another cigarette?" I ask as I move in closer to him. He worriedly looks at me and then nods. Once again lighting it up, he places it between my lips.
I take in a long drag and hold the smoke in my mouth. I watch Jimin gulp as I move in even closer to him. I blow it to his face, his eyes growing hooded as he looks at me through the toxic air. I pass the stick to him, asking him to do the same. He follows along, hollowing out his cheeks and blowing it to my face.
It makes my core thrum from the intensity of the scene. A hand with the number '13' tatted on the wrist holding a cigarette and the puff of smoke encasing the two of us. We've come incredibly close to each other, faces just centimeters away. He's slowly leaning in, eyes locked on my lips as mine on his. Our noses brush, a spark going straight to my brain.
I shift my head to the side, eyeing his soft ears. I lift up a finger to gently tug at the earring, toying with it as I breathe in his cologne. The soft flesh of his earlobe tend me irresistible and pull me in to press a kiss there.
Jimin's arms have wound themselves around me, his nose buried in my hair as I kiss his ear. Somehow, my mind has deemed him a safe place. Him being Taehyung's roommate playing a large role in my trust in the man I've met for the first time today.
"Val! Jimin-ah! Is that you two?!" Taehyung calls out, rushing towards us. I jump up from the sidewalk, walking towards him with Jimin trailing behind. As Taehyung nears us, he opens his arms. My eyes blur with unfallen tears and I smash into his chest.
He wraps himself around me, forming a protective embrace. I fist his black shirt at his chest, cuddling and making myself smaller in his arms. His hands run through the length of my hair, his cheek smushed at the top of my head. He's my warmth on a cold night and without him, I'd fall into a pit of eternal winter.
"I'm sorry, Val." He says, not letting go of me and I'm glad he didn't. I wasn't ready to leave his embrace yet.
"You had a tough time and came to the club for some relief and me being a dumbass lectured you." He says against my hair.
"Don't call yourself a dumbass." I pout, weakly hitting at his chest. His laughter fills my ears, along with Jimin's quiet chuckle. I look up at Jimin from where I'm buried in Tae's torso. He looking at us with newfound adoration.
"I'm sorry though." He mumbles.
" 's okay."
I'm being moved away from Taehyung's chest after a minute, but still held towards him by my waist. Taehyung looks at Jimin, a quiet conversation between them. And Jimin walks closer to the two of us, his hands going around Taehyung's shoulder.
"Hi baby." Jimin coos, making a faint red dust across Taehyung's cheeks. Jimin then places a kiss on his lips, a quick peck before they're both looking at me.
"I've been wanting to tell you something noona." Taehyung starts, his hands tightening around me.
"I and Jiminie have been roommates since high school. And we've decided to move to The States."
It hits me like a flash of lightning when he says so. He's moving away. Far away from me. And somehow it invokes a deep fear in me. Jungkook also moved to the US after college. I feel dizzy realizing I'd be left alone in the hands of my family. And I'd rather die than let that happen.
"Tae..." I whisper, the tears running down my cheeks almost instantly. His eyebrows pinch in worry, hands holding my face. His thumb brushes my cheekbones, catching the tears as they fall.
"I found an amazing photography program at one of the colleges and it fit right in my budget. I won't even have to get a student loan for it. It was our dream remember? Me taking photography while you took business courses." I nod. I remember talking about it right after we hooked up for the first time. I had laid on his chest, his arms holding me as close to him as possible.
"We're both being stagnant in our lives, Val. How long do you think we can keep hooking up? You're going to leave me behind the second you get engaged to a stranger." His eyes are filling up in pain.
"I'm coming with you, Tae. I'll suffocate here without you. Don't leave me, Tae. Don't leave me." I'm sobbing hard in his arms, clutching hard at his waist as if it would stop him from going away.
Jimin moves in, taking both me and Tae into his arms. He places a gentle kiss on both of our foreheads.
"We'll take you with us if you want, moonlet. You've got a week to yourself before we move. You can take some time and think about this decision, alright? We need you to be sure you want to come with us." he speaks benignly.
"I don't need more time. I want to come with you." I say with determination.
"That's good, Val. Jiminie will take good care of us. He's got a huge apartment in New York. Got a shit ton of money. He's really kind too. And god the things his dick makes you feel." Taehyung groans, throwing his head back and then breaking into laughter. Jimin and I join in, basking in the warmth his smile provides. We both love this adorable boy with a boxy smile and I'm sure it is seen in our eyes.
"You're making me sound like a sugar daddy, you idiot." Jimin says, hitting him softly at the back of his head.
"It is true though." Tae laughs. "Looks like lover boy's starting to feel things for you, noona."
Jimin blushes, trying to stand tall and not shying from our collective gaze. In the end, he gives up, stuffing his face in the crook Taehyung's neck.
"He doesn't have a problem with polyamory too. He's the full package, this guy." he smiles, ruffling Jimin's hair.
We don't stay there for long after our conversation. We head to Jimin and Taehyung's apartment and I stay the night. We all spend time getting to know each other better. Me and Jimin bond very fast, learning we're both similar in a lot of ways. I and Tae let Jimin in on our stories from years ago. I and Jimin even kiss for the first time that night, leaving us warm and blushing.
As the night progresses and we lay in each other's arms on the living room floor, I realize I'm being given another chance at life. Maybe running away from the people who birthed you isn't the best way to start your life again. But it feels good. To finally leave behind the toxicity. In a week's time, I'll be free. And I intend on making the most out of my life after.
#books & libraries#writers#writing#wattpad#bts fanfiction#btsboys#bts fanfic#bts wattpad#wattpad writer#bts taehyung#taehyung fanfic#bts jimin#jimin fanfic
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Abandoned (2)
*Doubt comes in*
~~~
It felt like I was walking into a trap as I ventured into the jungle in search of the music. For days it had been calling out to me, bidding me to follow it. Now here I was doing just that. I tell myself I’m doing this to end the music. If I stop the music then I’ll stop forgetting. Simple as that.
The deeper into the forest I went though the more my confidence wavered. The music was getting steadily louder and more hypnotizing. My steadfast march turned idle like I was taking a leisurely walk. The grip on my sword slackening. I hadn’t even realized I sheathed it again until the music suddenly stopped.
My senses started to return and panic began to set in. I was in the middle of the jungle in the dead of night with no recollection of how I got there or how to get back to my hut. How could I be so careless? I’m smarter than this! Okay. Deep breath. Don’t panic. All I needed to do was start backtracking. I must have left a trail, I just needed to find it.
If I did that though then what would have been the point of me coming out here in the first place? I came out here to stop the music for good. It must have stopped because I was close. I needed to keep going. With a deep breath I turned back around and searched high and low for anything or anyone that could be playing the music. Not exactly easy since everything was shadows.
“There in the field stood a flower rare. Its petals bright with beauteous flair. Along came a bee buzzing through the air. And sat on the flower without a care.” A voice in the shadows spoke and from them emerged Pan, “Then the flower closed and became a snare. The moral of this story I now will share. Even pretty things can cause a scare.”
“Aren’t we a little old for nursery rhymes?” I wrapped my hand around the hilt of my sword.
“Never.” He grinned.
“Is it you?” I asked, “Are you the one that makes the music every night?”
“Oh, so you can hear it. Good. You never moved from your camp on the beach so I was wandering if you could yet. How long have you been able to hear it?”
“A few weeks. Why?”
“And you held out this long. Gotta say, I’m impressed.” He pulled a set of pan pipes off his belt. “These are enchanted. Only certain people can hear the music when I play it. The music itself has interesting side effects.”
“What people? What side effects?”
He brought the pipes up to his lips and played a short tune. Immediately the melody wrapped around my brain and the world around me softened out of focus. When he stopped I blinked as if waking from a daydream. He smiled at me.
“The music attracts those that feel unloved and unwanted. It softens the heartache of such a sad life, erases all the bad memories. All you have to do is let it in.”
“But I--I’m not--I’m not unloved or unwanted! I don’t want my memories erased!”
“If you can hear the music then I have to say different. Ever since your father left you’ve been spiraling further and further down. Wondering when he’s gonna come for you. Holding onto a useless hope that you’re ever gonna see him again. But you know the truth, don’t you? All the evidence adds up but you’d rather hold onto a childish hope than accept it.” He circled me like a beast of pray. Even in the dim light of my lantern I could make out the wheels turning in his head. “You’re lost, spitfire. So helplessly lost.”
The flame of my lantern blew out casting everything into darkness. I drew my sword listening for any snap of a twig or breath of air that indicated he was near.
“Boo.” His voice whispered in my ear.
“Raaah!” I swung and my blade hit another. Pan had blocked the hit with a dagger.
“Quick reflexes, swordfish. But mine are quicker.” He disappeared again.
“Come on out and face me like a man you codfish!” I shouted.
“Who wants to be a man? Grown ups have such little fun.” I tried to pinpoint his voice but it seemed to echo from all directions. “But us, the young blood, we can make games out of anything. Just like we are now.”
“This isn’t a game, Pan.” I growled. “If I get the chance I’ll run you through.”
“No you won’t. Want to know why?” My lamp flickered back to life and Pan stood before me just inches away from the tip of my blade. “Because you’re having fun.”
I lunged the sword at him and he side-stepped it with ease making me stumble forward.
“There is such fire and fight in you. It’s been bottled up and suffocating on that ship. Now you’re free.” He kicked me to the ground. “Free as you are, you still don’t know what to do with yourself. My poor little Lost Girl.”
“I’d rather tie boulders to my bootstraps and throw myself into the mermaid lagoon before I became part of your dumb crew.” I spat, shooting back to my feet. “I came here to stop that infernal music and I plan to just do that. Either by destroying those pipes or by killing you. I don’t care which.”
“The only way you’ll destroy these pipes is if you pry them from my cold dead hands.”
“Then I guess that only leaves us with one option.”
“I suppose it does.” He grinned wider. Like the prospect of dying was thrilling to him. “To die would be an awfully big adventure. I look forward to it. The first move is yours, swordfish.”
With that he was gone.
That bilge-sucking, arrogant, underhanded, codfish! This was not some game! What was it going to take to get that through his thick skull?! Maybe a knife to the eyesocket. I gathered my lantern from the ground and turned around. The path I had taken here was much clearer than it had been earlier.
Another trick of Pan’s.
I came here to stop the music and I think I may have just made things between Pan and I worse. Before he left me alone but now he thought there was fun to be had with me. A part of me wanted to continue my mission and charge further into the jungle until I hunted down Pan again and fight till the last breath. The more rational part of me told me to pick my battles carefully.
I turned around and took the path back to my camp. I would deal with Pan tomorrow after I had devised a new plan.
Storming his camp wasn’t a good idea for multiple reasons. One, I didn’t know where it was. Two, even if I did know where it was the Lost Boys would outnumber me twenty to one. My only hope was to get him alone but I didn’t know when that could be. The only time I’ve met him alone is when it was on his terms. He had either drawn me in or showed up on his own. If I wanted the upper hand I’d have to take him alone and by surprise.
For that to work though I’d have to know his pattern of movement. He has to have one. There’s no way he’s around Lost Boys all the time. But to learn his patterns I’d have to track him down and try not to be detected while I spied on him. That in itself was another headache seeing as how he could appear and disappear in the blink of an eye. I could be tracking him for hours and then he’d blink away to the other half of the island and I’d have to track him down again.
Maybe a betrayal? Pretend to want to be part of his camp and get him when his guard is down. No, that wouldn’t work either. Not only would Pan’s trust take too long to obtain but if I started acting nice now he’d know I was planning something. What am I supposed to do?
At the very least I should find out where his camp is. I don’t know if he moves it but I can’t see why he would since there are no enemies on the island. None except for me. I don’t see him moving his entire camp because I came upon it though.
In the morning as the first light of the sun started to creep up over the horizon I gathered my things and ventured into the jungle. I had no idea how long it may take but I wanted as much time as possible before any of the Lost Boys woke up. I didn’t know a lot about Pan and his Lost Boys outside of what papa and the crew mentioned but I did know that they stayed up very late. So early morning was probably not their friend.
I was hiking through the jungle for maybe a good two hours before I noticed paths naturally leveling out around me. Well worn, some even had fresh tracks in them. I was getting close to the camp. I followed along the path until I noticed a break in the dense forest of trees. Sticking to the morning shadows and creeping as quietly as I could I got closer. I stepped over a tripline and scanned the ground for any other traps or alerts that may have been set up.
This was it, Pan’s camp. Lost Boys were abundant and all soundly asleep either in tents, swinging in hammocks, or passed out on the ground. The remains of what looked to be a bon fire sat in the middle of the camp. I crept around the perimeter searching the faces for Pan’s but I couldn’t spot him. Was he in one of the tents?
Best not to go looking. I knew where the camp was now, that was enough for today. I should get out of here before the boys wake up. I made not of the way to get back as I retreated to my own camp on the beach. Maybe if I can find Pan while he and the boys are asleep then I could get him. It was bad form to attack someone while they’re sleeping but this boy had already taken so much from me. I didn’t care about bad form anymore.
I hunted down some breakfast on my way back to my camp and sat down to relax. I stared out over the ocean praying that I would see the Jolly Roger come sailing out over the horizon. As long as I watched though it remained the same.
I pulled out my pocketwatch and clicked it open again, listening to the metronomic ticking sound it issued. He has to be coming for me. He has to.
The next few days I spent getting up early before any of the boys awakened and hiking back to scope out the camp. No matter how many times I went or how hard I looked I could never spot Pan among them. Did he sleep somewhere else? Why? Wouldn’t he want to be with his camp in case of an emergency?
This was useless. I wasn’t gaining any new information and it was clear that Pan wasn’t here. I’d have to think of something else or else try to find where he does rest his head if not in his camp. With a sigh I turned around back towards my own camp and check the traps I set. I never had much use for snares on a ship but I was thankful that papa taught me now. Not a whole lot of wildlife was on the island outside of birds, frogs, snakes, and a whole lot of bugs. There were some boar but they were very inland so most of my food came from fishing. Hopefully something good had taken the bait I put out.
I checked the traps and felt my stomach constrict when they turned up empty. I guess it was berries for breakfast...again. I never thought I would miss cook’s dried herring jerky so much.
I grabbed a pouch and wandered back into the jungle. I was trying to forage for more than a handful of berries when I felt a small chill go up my spine. Someone was watching me. I slowly reached for my dagger and turned around.
Pan was standing behind me looking bored. “Really?” He gestured to the dagger I had aimed at him, “Aren’t we past this yet?”
“What do you want?”
“Hungry?” He held up an apple. “Probably more filling than a handful of berries.”
“And the price?” I raised an eyebrow.
“No price.” He tossed me the apple and I caught it. “I figured you might be hungry.”
“What brought on this unexpected generosity?” I cut off a slice with my dagger. “Hoping to get on my good side?”
“What if I am?” He pulled out another apple for himself. “Would that be so terrible?”
“Wasn’t it a couple of nights ago that you looked forward to me trying to kill you? Why would you want on my good side? Doesn’t that ruin your little game?”
“Can’t play the game if you die of starvation.” He shrugged. He knelt down next to me studying me from a distance. “Also, seeing as how you won’t make a move in this game I’m getting bored.”
“You don’t know what I may be planning, Pan.” I don’t even know what I’m planning.
“Oh no, I know what you’re planning. Isn’t it bad form, even for a pirate, to do someone in while they’re sleeping? Very bad form, Lady Jones. I’m a little disappointed really.”
“I--” There’s no way he could know that! “How did--”
“You’re up at the crack of dawn every day scoping my camp. You’re more than welcome to come by at a normal time for people to be awake if you’d like. We have plenty of food to share.”
“You knew?!” I fumed. I thought I had been so quiet and clever! No one had ever spotted me. No one had ever been awake. How could he have possibly have known unless... “The reason I never saw you sleeping…”
“If it makes you feel any better it was an accident that I came upon you that first day. I woke up earlier than I expected and saw you skirting the perimeter of the camp. I thought about scaring you or something like that but I wanted to see what you would do. Then you didn’t do anything and that was boring.” He groaned with a great roll of his eyes, “The next day and the day after that you kept coming back and not doing anything. I left out food close to the perimeter to see if you’d try snagging it but you didn’t. I never would have thought the daughter of pirates would be so frustratingly cautious. Shouldn’t recklessness be part of your blood or something?”
“I’m not dumb enough to charge into situations and conflicts blind. Reflexes and being able to adapt to a tough situation are one thing, researching and planning is another. I’m not in an immediate life and death situation so I prefer to be methodical.”
“Life and death, huh?” He turned the apple core over in his hands. “Let’s test that, shall we?” He chucked the apple core at my head. I ducked out of the way just in time.
“What was--” He charged at me with his dagger and I rolled out of the way. It was too early for this!
“Come now, spitfire!” He grinned like the devil, “Life and death situation, what are you gonna do?”
“I’m going to kill you is what!” I pushed to my feet and unsheathed my sword.
“Sword versus a dagger?” He asked as I took a swing at him, “Isn’t that a little unfair?”
“Coming from the boy with magic.”
“I’m not using magic now.” He teleported behind me and prodded his dagger at my back, “But thank you for reminding me.”
“Don’t.” I thrust my blade behind me making Pan jump out of the way. “You know if any real harm comes to me then my father will have your head.”
“I doubt that.” He scoffed. The dagger in his hands grew until it was a sword the same size as mine. “Do you still believe he’s coming for you?”
“I know he is.” We moved over the terrain of the jungle fighting blade to blade. The metallic sound echoing over the otherwise quiet island. The area around us grew more open and the ground softer as we stepped out onto the beach. My footing was less sure here but then Pan’s had to be too.
“You really do not want to face the truth do you?” Pan sighed. “He left you, swordfish. Your rum drunk father left you here to rot.”
“No! You’re lying!” I let my anger fuel me as I started to regain ground and go on the offensive.
“I’m not.” Pan blocked my attacks with a frustrating ease, “You wanna know how I know that he isn’t coming back for you? How I know he abandoned you here?” He twisted my blade around and knocked it from my hands. “He left because I told him to.”
“What?” I stared down the sheen of the blade he had pointed at me.
“I told him that if he abandoned you here on the island then him and the rest of his crew could go free.” Pan said.
“No.” I shook my head, “It’s another lie. You’re trying to trick me.”
“No tricks here, swordfish.” He held up his hands and the sword shrunk back to that of a dagger that he put on his hip, “I swear on my life. I came to him with an offer. A trade: you for freedom.”
I tried to go for my sword but Pan kicked it further away. My hands fisted into the sand. “Even if you are telling the truth why would you want me?” I demanded “You could have asked for anything. Why me?”
“Well at first it was because I thought that it would be funny. Hook giving up his precious daughter would cause him the most pain after all.” Pan chuckled, “But then I imagined how much fun it would be having you around. I only ever got to meet you once but you had such fire in you. Needless to say I was not disappointed. I am having so much fun with you.”
“Cause that’s what it always comes down to with you.” I said, “Everything is a fun game. You might think that but I sure don’t! These mind games you play are not fun and I will not give into them. You really think I would believe that my own father would trade me away to someone like you?”
“You should. Cause he did.” Pan looked past me further down the beach where my camp was set up. “I never thought that he’d actually do it but I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. Adults are so disappointing, especially parents. Selfish enough to sell their own children off to make their lives easier.”
He spoke with a malice that bordered on vengeful. I think that was the first time I had ever seen him look truly angry. As quickly as it came upon him it left to be replaced with his cocky smile. “Consider yourself lucky. You could have ended up somewhere much worse than here.”
He waved his hand and a sack was now in his hands. He tossed me it and I almost fell back with the weight. Inside was a variety of food. “Since you’re too stubborn to come to the camp for food this should last you a couple of days. Have a nice morning, Lady Jones, think about what I’ve said.”
Then he was gone again.
I took the sack of food back to my camp and happily munched on some boar jerky within. I looked around at my camp with a growing sense of doubt. Papa...he wouldn’t trade me for freedom. He wouldn’t.
Would he?
---
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