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borisbubbles · 4 months

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Eurovision 2023: #20 - #19

20. AZERBAIJAN TuranTuralX - "Tell me more" 34th place

youtube

Decade Ranking: 58/116 [Above Achille, below Anxela]

lmfao, the twins made my top 20?! I mean, yeah 2023. Of course they made my top 20. [AlexaVoice] PLEASE LEAVE A VOICE MESSAGE WITH YOUR COMPLAINT FOR VERTICAL CLASSIFICATION IN THE COMMENTS BELOW. [/AlexaVoice]

Now here's an entry that serves as a physical embodiment of the "Presence That Was Liked". Yeah it was mid, but a pleasant mid. The twins were never leaving the semifinal alive. They were always going to be the sacrificial lambs of the newly invented "No Jurors During Semi's rule" which specifically targeted Azerbaijan (and... props to Azer for accepting their fate? lol) Turan and Tural were never being more than passengers along for a ride, which they took to heart.

"Tell me more" was all it needed to be. An inconspicuous NQ that was still cute and endearing in its own sort of way. The dreamy and drawly vibe

The imitation 70s aesthetic that convincingly sells the 90s softrock.

Add in a rap verse during minute one, a couple of fashionable scarfs, good camera cuts,...

Yeah "Tell me more" had zero televote appeal (this 100% dies even with juries being in), but as an entry it's refreshingly unpretentious and especially from Azerbaijan, wtf? Usually Azer pick some shitty Swedish pop track and force it on a conventionally attractive jazz muppet who then can't be bothered to do preparties or interviews. This year, their rep was a pair of homely deer-in-headlight twinkbeasts operating under a myspace name who were actually happy to be there and actively mingled with the fans. There some delicious irony and melodramatic twang to be found in the knowledge that by effectively throwing their 2023 qualification, Azer have shown more respect to the contest than they'd ever done before.

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19. FRANCE La Zarra - "Évidemment" 16th place

youtube

Decade ranking: 56/116 [Above Anxela, below El Diablo]

Yes I know what you're here for;

But you'll have to wait because I am here to rate the performance first. Yep, slightly ahead of the MySpace Twinks on my list seems just about right for a La Zarra. "Évidemment" represent the other side of "mid", the one where the promise is large and the delivery not quite as large. As a song "Évidemment" was kind of a blueballer: Sure, it had a lot of poise, flair, drama, a wee bit of camp and yet...barely any substance. It was The French Entry, like that was its entire identity, almost to a point of parody. And well, France competes every year and is usually better than "LES POISSONS LES POISSONS HI HI HI HÔN HÔN HÔN". donc, pleurez-moi une rivière de pute. I'm having a laugh but seriously, not picking a lane between serious attempt and self-deprecating satire that was the difference between a sixth place and a sixteenth place.

Still, I at first thought France were headed towards a disastrous bottom five result, especially after that rehearsal clip implied LaZarra was on the same Vocal Rest Tonics as Mae Muller. I WAS GONNA BE PROVEN RIGHT AND VINDICATED!!! and well, I was but not about her. (ty Blanca Paloma, we'll rank you soon enough)

When it mattered most, La Zarra got it together, and NAILED that epic big note.

No complaints from me about that live. It was a good live and did what it needed to do. I like it when the headliners deliver what they're supposed to (see also: Azer delivering a pleasant NQ) because it makes the show better overall. Obviously that doesn't erase the fact that (1) the song was mid as fuck (2) the staging was daft at best. ("MON DIEUX I WEAR HAUTE COUTURE, ACT LIKE A DIVA, AM THE EIFFEL TOWER, SOUND LIKE PIAF, LOOK THERE'S A TRICOLORE I AM SOOOO FRENCH!!" um no ur not, ur from Montréal stfu).

Okay so now we address this:

Sure, an uproarious voting moment and it was sooooo stank, but was it fun stank? 🤔 idk.

On one hand, LMFAO WHAT AN ENTITLED FUCKING SOW. 😍😍😍😍😍. The Xwitter trolls immediately began spinning their fanfictions all "WELL ACTUALLY what she did was a secret gesture of respect in Maghrebian cultures" like bitch, she's (1) a QUEBECOIS (2) who cosplayed as the Eiffel Tower and a disco ball unironically, how hinged do you think she is? Her gesture definitely was the sort of melodramatic Egomaniac reaction I'd expect from someone who deliberately caused a pre-show stir by posting an Insta Story all "It's getting to me!!! I'm QUITTING 😭😭 // Cigarettes: "Eurovision?! 😨" // La Zarra: ".... non i meant the gluten, mdrrrr!!!!! 😆". So yes, the moment itself was pretty funnay 2 me, esp since she got twice points I thought's she'd get.

On the other hand, um take a seat you entitled fucking sow. There is serving cunt and then there is straight up being a cunt. The difference is that you have to earn your glamourcunt label and you, madame, were always in "Good but not Great" territory. Be grateful there were any scraps left for you after Käärijä and Loreen gobbled.

In conclusion, lmfao i kinda dislike her as a person (but better she show the world how rude and misguided she is after losing than after getting a top ten) and I genuinely enjoy thinking about her messiness more than listening to her music. 🙂 (so I guess that makes her Taylor Swift.)

Besides, around 16th is where France usually ends up at anyway, so I think they got precisely what they were aiming for, GJ France. 🙂 Now let's not think about this country until the end of March, when it becomes semi-important for me to remember what their entrant's (who?) song (what?) sounds like again.

THE RANKING

#Eurovision #Eurovision Song Contest #ESC #ESC 2023 #Eurovision 2023 #Liverpool 2023 #BorisBubbles #France #La Zarra #Evidemment #Azerbaijan #TuranTuralX #Tell Me More #Youtube

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scover-va · 2 years

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The fandom-determined The Hex Sexyman (among other things)

The google form has been open for, what, a month ish now? So I'm documenting the results now. Hoorah. Edit bc I forgot to add a read more and this is fairly long

Sexyman Results

Am I surprised by this one? No, absolutely not.

First place goes to Irving! I am in no way whatsoever surprised, I'm very aware of the grip that guy has on this fandom, so hey, kudos to him. Proud of him, or whatever. His prize here gets to be art. Kinda. If any of you have been following a recent trend here on good ol' Tumblr then I'm sure you know what to expect here.

Second place goes to both Lazarus and Vallamir, which I'm once again not surprised about in the least. I wouldn't exactly give mr wet paper towel of a man the title of sexyman, but hey, the guy probably has the highest or the second highest kill count of the main characters. So, he gets that. Vallamir doesn't surprise me, though. I mean all this in the nicest way possible btw

And then finally, third place goes to both Bryce and Lionel! Which! Both of those surprised me! Especially Lionel. But hey, glad to know y'all like him or whatever.

If enough people ask I'll add the written explanations for everyone's picks. I'm gonna wait til people say it's okay, just in case

Sexywoman Results

This one obviously had much slimmer pickings compared to the guys, and I would be lying if I said I was surprised by the results.

Sado gets first place, which was expected, she IS on the Sexypedia Wiki AND fits the criteria much better than a lot of other options. I mean. Colour palette, being evil, being chaotic, clown, suit, blah blah blah. She fits the bill perfectly, and I'm sure she'd be flattered. Or she'd kinkshame you guys. I don't know.

Rebecha got second place! Also not surprised! I'm, like, 99% convinced at least half of the fandom played the game post-Inscryption just for Rebecha content, so her coming up right behind Sado is NOT a surprise to me. She's fucking earned it though. Her reward is some goddamn sleep, because holy FUCK.

And then third place goes to Chandrelle, which to be fair, she's the only remaining reoccurring female character with a design. So, her getting third doesn't surprise me, especially since she's up against Sado and Rebecha.

And also shout out to my girlfriend, who voted every single female character. Without her, Catarina, Town Girl, Trish, and The Kraken would be forgotten about. Which, fair. Catarina appears the most out of the four by a whopping, what, 5 or so times? Maybe 6 or 7. Actually now that I'm thinking about it she does kinda pop up a considerable amount. Huh. Anyways,

Dilf Responses

And surprising no one at all with who got the most votes for this,

Rust! Who's winning by a whopping 60%! Good on him, he's earned it, despite technically not having a kid anymo-

And while Reggie getting a couple votes doesn't surprise me, VERY surprised to see the gay dads both get a vote each. By different people, too! But they've been through a lot, they've earned it.

Genderless Swag Results

A simpler one than above, but the canon nonbinary/agender character vs the one who's commonly hc'ed to be nonbinary.

I'm not really surprised. I mean, Steambot Willy's never acknowledged by the fans meanwhile FPP obviously is, so hey! I'm just happy to see Steambot Willy managed to score two votes. Good on them <3

Babygirl Results

Now. Usually, this is where I'd insert an image, and continue on talking about it. But. For some reason, the short answer question results are formatted like. This.

So. I'll just list them

Lazarus: 6 votes

Lionel: 1 vote

Rust: 1 vote

I'm not surprised Lazarus is #1 babygirl, I mean LOOK AT HIM. Like one person said, he's a pathetic wet cat of a man. Absolute sopping wet piece of paper towel. He is THE malewife AND babygirl. No one's doing it like him. AND he scored second on the Sexyman section. Shout out to him fr, I'm so proud of him

Twink Results

Wizarro: 3 votes (Deserved. I mean, look at him)

Moji: 2 votes (Personality wise? Yeah I can see it)

Junior: 1 vote (Like father like son, ig?)

Rust: 1 (Fair. His dietary options in the Wastes couldn't have been the best)

Irving on account of people don't know what a twink is: 1 vote (God, yeah,,,Granted skinny dudes always get beef'd so ig it's a 2 way street. If the fandom was popular, Irving would DEFINITELY be woobified, though)

Reggie: 1 vote (Yeah fair he can't exercise and his diet probably consists mostly of fucking root beer. What the fuck, Reggie)

Closing Statement Or Whatever Idfk

And THAT, everyone, is the results. Obviously Lazarus got 10 votes on malewife, he was the only option because really, who's a better option than him? So he doesn't get his own section on that, but yeah! Again, I'll post the typed up explanations if people want me to, up to you guys! But that's about it for now. Expect some celebratory art for Irving soon

#the hex #the hex game #scov.txt #im never doing this again /j #im not tagging everyone. thats too much #daniel mullins games #this has been a scientific experiment brought to yall by urs truly. im gonna go collapse now #the hex sexyman results #tagged in case anyone wants to find them in the future #including myself in case i edit this

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phantomphangphucker · 3 years

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Phic Phight - The Weird Little Shit

For: @darks-ink

A class discussion held by Wes about Danny’s weirdness was never not going to be an absolute cluster fuck

Wes smacks the board, “alright, fuckers, thank you for coming-”.

“We’re only here because we lost a bet”.

“Shut up, Dash. You shouldn’t have to be strong-armed into learning the truth”. Everyone rolls their eyes at Wes pretty actively. “Anyway, since you all refuse to see or even listen to the truth of what Danny Fenton is. Instead, this. Weird shit about Danny Fenton one oh one”.

Dash snorts, “now this I can get behind, little shit weighs, like, ten pounds or some shit”. Wes points at him aggressively, “exactly”. Scribbling down ‘weighs less than a sack of potatoes' on the board. Star throwing in her two cents, “yeah and I’ve seen Sam just pick him up under her arm and run off”.

Brittney smacks her desk, “half the time he makes food directly in home ec it’s fucking cold, which ew, but also really weird”.

“Oh yeah he does that with his drinks too. He whole ass ‘drank’ a solid chunk of ice, major power move honestly”.

“And remember that snowball fight? I don’t think he ever actually made any snowballs, he just kept acquiring them”.

“Kid made for a great air conditioner when all the windows got stuck shut though; guy runs cold as fuck”.

Wes is just aggressively scribbling more down with a mildly manic grin.

“We should totally invite him to parties so he can keep the fucking beer cold”.

Dash laughs loudly and smacks Dale on the arm, “now there’s an idea!”, deadpanning, “still not inviting freaky Fenton though”. Dale chuckles very awkwardly.

“Well he’s an ice sculptor so that’s not surprising”.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘ice sculptor’? He clearly lifts weights in his spare time”.

“Oh yeah, he lowkey picked up the back end of my car once”.

“James, your car is a tiny little piece of shit. I could lift that damn thing”.

“Hey”.

“Anyway. Like I was saying, people who handle cold shit all the time, you know, like ice sculptors, usually have cold hands”.

“He lifts weights! Not ice sculpts!”.

“Here I though he was a painter”.

“Why the fuck would he be doing that?”.

“Well he’s always randomly splattered in green paint”.

Basically everyone pauses to look at Hanna. Kwan blinking, “the green is ectoplasm, duh”. Emilie shrugging and nodding, “everyone knows that”.

“Well I thought it was paint”.

“Well you’re clearly stupid”.

“Shut up”.

Dash waves everyone off, “so clearly not a painter or weight lifter, because have you seen his goddamn noodle arms?”.

“He lifts weights!”.

“No he doesn’t!”.

“Who cares! Have you seen his dad? Of course he’s a strong little shit! What really gets me is him getting out of locked rooms”.

“Oh he whole ass climbs out windows and shit”.

“All that ecto that gets on his skin makes his hands all sticky, hence why he can climb the side of buildings”.

“When the heck did you see him doing that?”.

“Oh I totally saw him showing off knife swallowing to some elementary kids”.

“I think he hangs out and does drugs or some shit on the roof”.

“So he climbs up the school building to do drugs? Why wouldn’t he just use the hidden steps like a normal person?”,

“I’m pretty sure the kitchen staff actually include him in their budget for missing utensils cause he eats so many of them”.

“Julie, no one’s saying Danny’s close to normal. Also kids got an iron stomach damn”.

Dash has to jump in there, “I totally made him eat my underwear once”. Earning him a round of judging glances. “What? I didn’t expect him to actually do it. I was planning to mock him for pussying out. But then the little fucker went and did it”.

“Power move”.

“Shut up”.

“You fed your underwear to a guy who builds guns?”.

“Excuse me but what?”.

“Maybe him doing so much dangerous shit is why his heartbeats all slow and stuff”.

“Again, excuse?”.

“Well we totally tested everyone’s heart rates and breathing and shit and he’s super low. He blamed his corn supper”.

“That’s stupid”.

“His corn supper had teeth, Todd”.

“Back to the gun making because what?”.

“FentonWorks is a weapon company what do you expect?”.

“James, he made a shotgun out of a pencil, two toothpicks, an elastic band, and a snapped in half penny. The thing was magically welded together”.

“You can’t weld a fucking pencil. It’s wood, moron”.

“Well it was goddamn wielded”.

Wes grumbles, “yeah he welded my binder zipper together once, stupid pyrokinesis”. Star glares at him, “I thought this wasn’t about your crazy conspiracy crap?”. Wes glares at her like she’s stupid.

“Ignoring Wes being crazy again. You guys do know he has laser beam lipstick right? He could totally weld stuff with that”.

“Didn’t he have a tail that one day?”.

“Huh?”.

“That lipstick of his is the plasma peach one right? Because girl I so need some, it makes amazing blush”.

“Oh no a dog just crawled under his shirt. I think he was trying to hide the treats or some shit?”.

“Fucking where? in his shoulder blades?!?”.

“Oh my god that’s right, he can totally pop all his joints out so probably yeah”.

“Since when could he do that? Better yet, why? Fucking ow”.

“His fingers also glow green when he cracks them”.

“Right Right I remember that! We also got him under a black light, totally wild”.

“I wish I could pop out my joints randomly”.

“He probably just eats glow sticks and they leaked into his joints and shit”.

“THAT MAKES NO SENSE”.

“Who cares, take him to a rave”.

“Oh my god yes he does amazing makeup”.

“Wait Fenton does makeup now too?”.

Wes points at Dash, “he’s got to cover up the dead parlour to his skin somehow”. With half the class shouting, “HE’S NOT DEAD”.

Emilie pursing her lips, “but what if he was, that would be hot”.

“EXCUSE ME!?!”.

“Oh get off your vanilla basic bitch high horse, Karen”.

Wes rubs his forehead, “not this shit again”. Smacking the board, “weird shit about Fenton, people! Not y’alls weird necrophilia fetish!”.

“Hey that’s just Emilie”.

Jesse looks genuinely offended, “bitch what? Have you seen a ghost? That glow? Mmmmmh yeah, daddy”.

Star chokes, “oh my god. I love our town”.

Wes sighs, “I should just start blocking you people from seeing ghosts at all. Cover those eyes until you stop BEING FUCKING BLIND”.

“Eyes never stop seeing, they just get covered”.

“NO! NO! BAD!“.

“That weirdly reminds me that Danny can totally walk with his eyes closed”.

“That’s weird how?”.

“How ‘bout you fucking try it then!”.

Dash shrugs, “well his eyes go glowy green all the time so no surprise he can just see through his eyelids”. More than a few people look to him, “why did you not add that to the weird list?”.

“Because it’s not weird”.

“Dash... do you know anyone with goddamn glowing eyes... besides ghosts”.

“Uhhh the entire Defect Quartet”.

“Excuse?!?”.

“Honestly him biting open pop-cans is weirder”.

“Oh god yeah, that’s horrible to hear”.

“He dead ass cut his lip up once doing that and just... kept doing it. There was blood all over his neck”.

“Why the heck didn’t anyone take an edgy aesthetic photo of that? Goddamn”.

“I feel like this is more an off-the-books class on discovering that Danny might actually be hot”.

“You wanna say Fenton’s hot again? I’ll goddamn choke you, motherfucker”.

“Do it you fake ass bear dom”.

A couple of people shuffle out of their desks and away when Dash actually throws a punch at Jasper.

“On a side note, once saw Danny sleeping in a trash can”.

“How is that weird”.

“How isn’t it? It’s a trashcan”.

“And he’s trash, your point”.

“YOU'RE GONNA HAVETA HIT HARDER IF YOU WANT TO MAKE AN IMPRESSION ON YOUR TWINK BOY! HE’S DURABLE AS FUCK!”.

“FUCK YOU!!!”.

“Huh, he did survive falling from the ceiling multiple times and that drowning once”.

“Fucker wasn’t drowned, he can breathe underwater”.

“Excuse me?”.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?!”.

Dash snapping his head around, “IM TEACHING HIM A LESSON!”. Jasper just smirks, “I DON’T NEED BREATH PLAY TIPS FROM YOU!”. Dash tries punching him again.

“This is ridiculous, I mean really, Danny would be the dom”. That silenced the entire room.

“What?”.

“Come on, he ate Skulker once ‘cause the guy was coping him an attitude”.

“DANNY EATS GHOSTS?!?”.

Wes turns around and slams his head on the board, “God fuck this is such a cluster fuck”.

“You’re hosting this and holding us hostage here”.

“YOU’RE NOT MY HOSTAGES! YALL LOST A BET!”.

“Oh suck my toes”.

“WHAT?!”.

“While Wes loses his mind for the fifth time this week, what we’ve got is he’s icy as shit, likes welding and makeup and ice sculptures and weight lifting, weighs fuck all, just vores goddamn everything, and climbs shit weirdly well?”.

“You’re forgetting all the glow shit”.

“HA! Glowing shit”.

“Fuck Todd, you are a dumbass”.

“IN SHORT LOCAL ELDRITCH TEEN BUT HE’S STILL NOT A GODDAMN GHOST WES!”

“FUCK YOU! IT’S SO GODDAMN OBVIOUS HOW ARE YOU PEOPLE LIKE THIS OHMYGOD!”.

Just then Danny Fenton opens up the door, the class going dead silent while he glances around slowly. Him looking to the whiteboard, then slowly back to his fellow teens, speaking “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no”, while slowly backing out and closing the door.

At first, no one says anything before Star snickers, “pffft”; the entire classroom bursting out into laughter directly afterwards.

Wes turning around and smacking his head on the board once again, “why. Just. Why me”.

END.

Prompt: Wacky reveals (ex: Danny drying up too quickly bc intangibility, Danny's drink stays cool way too long, people's electronic devices are always more charged when they've been near Danny, etc)

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tigerkirby215 · 3 years

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5e Rakan, the Charmer build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Riot Games)

Happy day after Valentine's Day friends. I wrote this build in August, and a lot has happened to my little bird twink during that time. Along with a damn good new skin (and you know: new season) he’s become one of the more sought out supports in pro play. Also I got him to Mastery 5 at time of writing (December 13th, 2020.) Who knows: I might update this little blurb to say I got him to a higher mastery.

Sadly I don’t have a Xayah to duo queue with. But I’m always ready to be the support that you need~ 💓

GOALS

Am I not magnificent? - Rakan’s title is literally “the charmer.” Of course we’re gonna need some charms.

War is in the dance - With an ability called “Battle Dance” we’ll need to be quick on our feat, dashing around our foes and popping them up with a Grand Entrance.

Nothing's fun without risk - While he may not be the best enchanter Rakan has a ton of heals and shields for both himself and his allies.

RACE

Rakan is half bird, but he doesn’t do a lot of flying which leaves Aarakocra out of the picture. He’s also incredibly chatty (holy shit have you seen how many voice lines Xayah and Rakan have?) so Kenku is definitely not an option. So when in Rome as a furry look no further than a Shifter.

All Shifters have Darkvision and their Shifting ability to gain temporary hitpoints, but everything else is determined by their subrace: to be ever quick and ever charming go for a Swiftstride. As a Swiftstride Shifter your Dexterity increases by 2 and your Charisma increases by 1. You are Graceful and have proficiency with the Acrobatics skill, and your Shifting feature lets you get down with The Quickness, moving 10 feet faster and being able to move 10 feet as a reaction if an enemy ends their turn within 5 feet of you, all while not provoking oppertunity attacks!

ABILITY SCORES

15; WISDOM - Rakan is all about the spirit of the wild and the subtle magic of nature. Wait Nature and Arcana are Intelligence skills? Uhhhhh...

14; INTELLIGENCE - Rakan certainly doesn’t show that he’s smart but Nature and Arcana are Intelligence skills. That, and this is a requirement for a very particular class.

13; CHARISMA - A charmer of course needs to be charming. (Feel free to swap this with CON if you want more health but worse RP.)

12; DEXTERITY - Even if Rakan is normally shirtless this is enough for good ol’ Medium Armor thanks to our Racial stat increases.

10; CONSTITUTION - Even though Rakan plays up close and personal he’s certainly not a tank.

8; STRENGTH - You wouldn’t risk ruffling your feathers by doing heavy lifting.

BACKGROUND

While Rakan didn’t start out a rebel like Xayah he gladly joined her cause, and while a background like Entertainer might make more sense for him he’s without a doubt a Freedom Fighter now... unfortunately there’s no Freedom Fighter background so Faction Agent is the next best thing.

You get proficiency with any Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma ability and naturally we’ll be going for Performance. You also get proficiency in Insight but we’re actually going to be replacing it with Arcana for knowledge of the magic of the wild. Additionally you can learn two languages of your choice: unfortunately Aarakocra isn’t an option but Auran (or rather Primordial) is. And to learn the ancient language of Ionia I’d recommend Sylvan.

As a vastayan rebel you can gain access to a Safe Haven for you and your allies. By using secret signs and passwords you can identify other rebels who can bring you to a safe house, give you a free place to stay, or assist you in finding information. They won’t risk their lives for you but as long as you remember the password they’ll be willing to help. You... did remember the password, right?

(Artwork by Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - CLERIC 1

Starting off as a Cleric, the king of supports. As a Cleric you get proficiency in two skills from the Cleric list: this is actually where we’ll be grabbing Insight proficiency from along with Medicine to keep Xayah safe.

Clerics get to choose their subclass at level 1 and there are obviously a lot of options to go for: Peace to bond with Xayah, War to better your battle dance, Nature or Arcana to further your connection to natural magic... Bet you wouldn’t expect the choice to be the Order Domain from Guildmasters’ Guide to Ravnica! (Also reprinted in Tasha’s Cauldron.) (I’ll go over why Order whenever we get abilities important to the build.)

For a start Order Clerics get proficiency in Heavy Armor as well as either Intimidation or Persuasion; Xayah’s got the scary part down so go for Persuasion, since someone’s gotta be the smooth talker! You also get Voice of Authority, letting you set up for an ally with a Grand Entrance. If you cast a spell with a spell slot and target an ally they can use their reaction to make one weapon attack against a creature of your choice. You have to be able to see the enemy you want them to target, and if you target multiple allies with a spell only one of them can use their reaction to attack. But setting up for friends to cut through foes is what you do best!

Speaking of spells and set-up Clerics get access to Spellcasting! You can learn three cantrips at level 1: for a Gleaming Quill grab Sacred Flame which does Radiant damage (not Fire damage!) to a foe. If you’re getting surrounded however Word of Radiance will let you shine on your foes for more Radiant damage! And to be a good support and help your allies out of combat Guidance lets you add a d4 to ability checks.

You can also prepare a number of spells equal to your Wisdom modifier plus your Cleric level. As an Order Domain Cleric you have Heroism and Command as part of your Domain Spells, meaning that you don’t have to prepare to be the hero and force your enemies in line. For a close range heal look no further than Cure Wounds. For a shield grab Shield of Faith to make it harder for enemies to kill your allies. And to set up for your friends grab Bless, making it easier for them to hit and survive.

LEVEL 2 - CLERIC 2

Second level Clerics can Channel Divinity once per short or long rest, invoking the power of the gods to help them. All Clerics can Turn Undead, forcing undead within 30 feet to make a Wisdom save or run away from you. However Order Clerics can charm their foes with Order’s Demand. You can charm (yes charm!) anyone of your choice within 30 feet until the end of your next turn, or until they take damage. Additionally you can force them to drop whatever they’re holding so they don’t shoot Xayah!

This is one of the many abilities I wanted out of Order Domain. A big AoE charm that also stops enemies from hitting you and your friends is right up Rakan’s alley.

You can also prepare another spell and while Rakan doesn’t have a ranged heal in-game Healing Word is just too good to pass up on as an Order Cleric. Bonus action let your friend whack an enemy!

LEVEL 3 - WIZARD 1

Didn’t take Rakan as the bookish type, did you? Well, he isn’t, but we need some abilities from Wizard that we can’t get elsewhere except Clockwork Sorcerer which makes even less sense for Rakan. Regardless Wizards also get Spellcasting. You learn 3 cantrips from the Wizard list: for a more direct autoattack grab Firebolt because I like having a variety of damaging cantrips, to add some pizzazz to your dance Prestidigitation will let you add a bunch of funky visual effects as you please, and for some coordination in Team Chat grab Message! "Did you notice the sky?" "It's lovely." "Not as beautiful as you."

You can prepare a number of spells equal to your Wizard level plus your Intelligence modifier, but when you multiclass into Wizard you can learn 4 spells to put in your spellbook. You can only prepare spells in your spellbook is the long-and-short of the class. Anyways: to bedazzle your foes grab Color Spray and blind them with your beauty. For a little owl companion take Find Familiar. To run when you need to Expeditious Retreat will help. And finally to detect the magic of the world take... Detect Magic...

Wizards also have Arcane Recovery, letting them recover a spell slots of a combined level equal to half their Wizard level rounded down. In short every spell slot counts the same number of “points” as the spell’s level, and you can recover a number of spell points equal to half your Wizard level. So a third level Wizard can either recover a 2nd level spell or two 1st level spells. Oh and you can’t recover spell slots past 5th level.

LEVEL 4 - WIZARD 2

Second level Wizards can choose their Arcane Tradition, and to protect yourself with Fey Feathers the School of Abjuration is here for you. Along with being an Abjuration Savant (letting you learn Abjuration spells in half the time for half the cost) you have an Arcane Ward to shield you: when you cast a leveled Abjuration spell you can also create a magical ward on yourself that lasts until you finish a long rest. The ward has a hit point maximum equal to twice your Wizard level plus your Intelligence modifier. (So currently 6 HP.)

Whenever you take damage, the ward takes the damage instead. If the damage reduces the ward to 0 hit points, you take any remaining damage. Whenever you cast an abjuration spell of 1st level or higher, the ward regains a number of hit points equal to twice the level of the spell.

You also learn 2 more spells so how about some Abjuration spells? Shield is a reaction Abjuration spell to protect you from melee attacks, while Absorb Elements is a reaction Abjuration spell to protect you from magic. AR and MR!

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 5 - WIZARD 3

3rd level Wizards can learn second level spells but I’d actually suggest learning Alarm back at 1st level. Why Alarm? It’s an Abjuration spell you can cast as a Ritual, so you can just cast it continuously to refresh your Arcane Ward even without preparing the spell. For your other spell Mirror Image is a quick and easy way to keep the baddies from whacking you.

LEVEL 6 - WIZARD 4

4th level Wizards get an Ability Score Improvement but I’m actually going to suggest the Observant feat to increase your uneven Wisdom score. Every Support’s gotta pay attention to their wards!

You can also learn another two spells along with a cantrip: take Dancing Lights to set up a stage! As for spells you’re the loud and proud sort so to make a Grand Entrance grab Knock to make way for your party! Meanwhile if you want to keep yourself and your allies safe from ranged harm Warding Wind will do just that and more, but it will also make it harder for Xayah to hit. "What the hell were you thinking?" "Back there?" "Yes." "I wasn't. I never think. Ugh... thinking."

LEVEL 7 - WIZARD 5

5th level Wizards can learn third level spells so it’s time to grab our first mass charm: Hypnotic Pattern, which isn’t an Enchantment spell but in fact an Illusion spell (which will be important later.) If you want to get down with The Quickness however there’s nothing better than some good old-fashioned Haste.

LEVEL 8 - WIZARD 6

6th level Abjuration Wizards can finally protect their party and their girlfriend thanks to Projected Ward, letting you use your reaction to reduce the damage an ally takes with your Arcane Ward. “Thank you honey!”

You can also learn two more spells from the Wizard spell list. Xayah need to call someone? Help her with Sending. Want to go full AP for the traditional D&D Grand Entrance? Fireball.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 9 - CLERIC 3

We’ve spent enough time down in Nerdsville so how about some more Cleric levels? Third level Clerics can prepare second level spells like Aid to boost up your teammates with a Knight’s Vow. Speaking of Knight’s Vow Warding Bond will let you bond with Xayah so you take some damage for her.

Additionally as an Order Domain Cleric you have Hold Person and Zone of Truth innately prepared. Keep enemies at bay and let them know the truth!

LEVEL 10 - CLERIC 4

4th level Clerics get an Ability Score Improvement and I’m going to suggest further increasing your Wisdom, as it’ll help us more with our Cleric abilities which will be important later.

You also learn another cantrip such as Mending to keep your outfit in check. Additionally you can prepare two new spells with your increased Wisdom: Lesser Restoration can give you or Xayah some Tenacity when needed, but I’d suggest holding off on the other slot.

LEVEL 11 - CLERIC 5

5th level Clerics who use Turn Undead now Destroy Undead of CR 1/2 or lower. It’s unlikely that you’ll be fighting CR 1/2 enemies at level 11 but hey: it’s still useful!

What’s more useful however is that you can now prepare third level spells! As an Order Cleric you have Mass Healing Word for Redemption, or Slow to... slow the enemy. Maybe you grabbed Righteous Glory? Who knows.

Regardless the important thing is your charms so grab Fast Friends to charm single targets and Incite Greed to get a whole crowd to follow your Fey Feathers!

You may be asking why we’re grabbing Enchantment Spells of all the spells that Clerics get a third level. Well for one it’s because you’re The Charmer, but more importantly...

LEVEL 12 - CLERIC 6

At 6th level you become an Embodiment of the Law as an Order Domain Cleric. The law of dance that is! If you cast an Enchantment spell of first level or higher you can choose to make that spell a bonus action instead, and can do it a number of times equal to your Wisdom modifier. You regain these fast charms after a long rest.

This was the main reason I went into Order Domain. Being able to quickly charm foes is textbook for Rakan, which made this subclass ideal for this build.

You can also prepare another spell at this level: Dispel Magic with Mikael's Crucible in case of any strong debuffs. Also more Abjuration spells for your shield!

(Artwork by Yusuh on DeviantArt. You have no idea how hard it is to find solo artwork for these two.)

LEVEL 13 - WIZARD 7

7th level Wizards can learn 4th level spells like Confusion; something that fills my allies whenever I take Rakan into the jungle. For your other spell I’d actually suggest hopping back to third level for Counterspell to keep your allies safe with more Abjuration. Trust me it’ll be important later.

LEVEL 14 - WIZARD 8

At 8th level you get an Ability Score Improvement and despite being a Wizard we’ve kinda been ignoring Intelligence: let’s fix that with a +2 so our Ward can be stronger as can our Wizard spells.

You can also learn two new spells: more Charms? Charm Monster, so even the mighty Volibear can’t resist you. Other than that there are tons of great Wizard spells but I’m never going to say no to Dimension Door.

LEVEL 15 - WIZARD 9

9th level Wizards can cast 5th level spells like Dominate Person for charms on-par with mind control! (Because it is Mind Control.) For more combative 5th level spells Synaptic Status will let you bedazzle everyone in a 20 foot radius sphere, making it harder to hit as they’re stunned by your beauty. Rakan can have some AP; as a treat.

LEVEL 16 - WIZARD 10

10th level Abjuration Wizards get Improved Abjuration, letting them add their proficiency bonus to any ability check to Dispel Magic (such as with Dispel Magic or Counterspell.) If you wish you can also have Bless active on yourself for a d4 + 5 to any counterspell check. When you consider that the DC is equal to 10 plus the spell’s level and you have up to a +9 to the check it’s more than likely that you can be a Guardian against any dangerous spells!

You also get another cantrip at this level: do you already have too many cantrips? Yeah probably, but to get more props for your dance take Minor Illusion.

As for your two new Wizard spells Hold Monster is like Hold Person, but it works on Baron! And how about something to keep Zoe in her dimension? Banishment is a 4th level spell that works like a super CC that knocks an enemy out of the fight completely. You can’t attack them while they’re on another plane, but if they’re not native to the plane and spend a full minute Banished they go back to their original plane.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 17 - WIZARD 11

11th Wizards can prepare 6th level spells. Want to keep Xayah safe from a falling temple and shadow ninjas? Globe of Invulnerability blocks all spells of one level lower than you used to cast the spell. In general. The globe surrounds you but you can dive in to protect Xayah. But what if you just want to dance? Look no further than Otto's Irresistible Dance! It’s a spell that forces everyone to dance; that’s all you need to know! But seriously read the description of your spells.

LEVEL 18 - WIZARD 12

12th level Wizards get another Ability Score Improvement: seeing as we are going deep down the Wizard path it only makes sense to get a bit more Intelligence.

You can also learn 2 more spells: Contingency will let you cast a spell in case of emergency. Choose a spell of 5th level or lower that can target yourself and a trigger for the spell: when the trigger happens the spell activates. Backup plans are more of Xayah’s thing, but something like “Banish myself if I’m about to die because Xayah would kill herself if I died” is a good plan.

There are tons of other good Wizard spells; so many that I can’t choose any that would particularly fit Rakan or the build as a whole. You have a limited number of prepared spells anyways so take something you think will be useful.

LEVEL 19 - WIZARD 13

13th level Wizards can prepare 7th level spells: want to do a conjoined recall? Teleport will let you and up to 8 willing creates teleport to a location, such as your fountain. There’s a table of places you can end up which I suggest looking at for the full details of the spell, because it’s a rather overwhelming spell to explain without copy-pasting the description. But because I further suffer with what spells to give you in a high leveled Wizard build how about a fancy light show? Crown of Stars lets seven stars orbit your head which you can shoot out at enemies or light up the night!

LEVEL 20 - WIZARD 14

Our capstone is the 14th level of Abjuration Wizard for some much needed MR. Spell Resistance lets you resist all damage coming from spells and have advantage on all saving throws against spells!

Speaking of spells you can learn your final two but... pick for yourself this time! Xayah will love you despite all your faults, and I’m sure that you can make a choice for yourself. This is my way of saying I’m sick of picking Wizard spells.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

You will see my dance - You are the master of keeping your friends safe with charms to keep fights from happening and both shields and heals to keep your allies from being hurt.

Look at me now! - You are incredibly elusive: 18 AC (Scale Mail + Shield) you can bump up with the Shield spell, a 32 HP ward to protect you and your allies, and even Shifting for Temp HP and more dodging.

You put us in a cage? I put you in the ground - And of course as a caster with full caster levels you are more than capable of putting down the hurt, especially due to the added efficiency of being able to cast two spells in a turn (well a leveled spell and a cantrip) thanks to Embodiment of the Law.

CONS

I don't have to remember the plan if you do - You are essentially mixing two spellcasters who want you to use extremely dedicated spell lists. Abjuration spells to make Abjuration Wizard work and Enchantment Spells to make Order Cleric work. Sure you don’t only need to cast Enchantment and Abjuration spells but there also aren’t that many Abjuration spells to power up your ward.

I can't die looking this good! - The vast majority of your levels being in Wizard combined with a 0 Constitution score results in a health bar that’s easily under 100. You may have advantage on all saving throws but Power Word Kill has no save.

Woo! You animals are dumb! - The other problem with mixing two full casters together is that you can’t get the best of both worlds. You aren’t getting 9th level spells in general (even if you get the slots for ‘em) and both your Wisdom and your Intelligence aren’t maxed out. Sure if you aren’t using Standard Array that isn’t an issue but you’re bound to drop something.

But if you were perfect why would you need Xayah? She completes you, and you complete her. Fight along side her and together you’ll be unstoppable. There’s nothing you can’t defeat with the power of love... But a plan would also probably be good. "I think Xayah told me to improvise. At least, that's the only part of the plan I remember."

(Artwork by Riot Games)

#dnd #dnd 5e #dnd build #dnd guide #valentine's day #dnd wizard #dnd cleric #League of Legends #League of Legends Rakan #xayah and rakan #love

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yikesharringrove · 4 years

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There's a Jersey Mike's ad that says "your favorite sub, delivered right to your door" and it made me think of Steve.. Maybe Steve is some sort of sub for hire and Billy comes across his ad?

This made me LAUGH.

Sub for hire meet cute.

Smut

Holy SHIT this got really long omg

Ao3

Billy was scrolling aimlessly, holding his dick in one hand, stroking lazily.

He was looking for something good, some pretty boy twink getting fucking destroyed.

He scrolled to the end of the page, and accidentally clicked on the add at the bottom of his screen.

“Oh fuck.” He tried to stop it loading, but then a dark webpage had loaded.

Subs 4 U - submissives for hire Your favorite subs delivered right to your door

He snorted, screenshotting the site, knew Heather would get a kick outta this.

He scrolled through, just curious about this site, the kind of work they did.

It was all laid out in steps.

Step 1: Pick your Sub

There were about twenty pictures, different people of different genders, all with bios and kink lists. He stopped on one.

The guy was hogtied on a bed, a ball gag in his mouth. He was looking at the camera with his big dark eyes, was basically saying fuck me, please through the photo. Billy read through his bio.

Steve, 24, he/they. Steve is a bratty sub that likes being bound, gagged, and fucked. He likes being tied up, chained down, suspended, slapped, and spanked. He likes a big cock and an even bigger toy. Into painplay, full domination, humiliation, and sissifiaction. Looking for a Sir/Ma’am, a Mommy/Daddy, or a Master/Mistress.

Billy stared at his bio.

Would it, would it be fucking stupid to do this? To hire a sub to come to his door?

Billy had never really done the BDSM thing. Sure, he was naturally dominant in the bedroom, and liked a bratty little bottom, but, for how much hardcore porn he watches, he’s never, tied someone up, or flogged them, or whatever.

He clicked on Steve’s name.

It pulled up a schedule, with the title Step 2: Book your time. Steve was booked three weeks out. Billy can see why. This page has even more pictures, pictures of him fingering his ass, or in pretty lingerie, even one where he’s cuffed to a bed, and fucking crying. Billy booked a time.

Step 3: Pick your scene.

There were a few levels.

Level 1: Light domination. Perfect for beginner dominates. Subs will bring a collection of toys and gear and discuss scene options before hand.

Level 2: Mild domination. For more experienced dominates that just like an easier ride.

Level 3: Full domination. For experienced dominates. Full control (within reason) of the submissive.

Level 4: Extreme domination. For regular dominates looking for more. Please discuss boundaries with submissive.

Billy clicked on level one.

He entered his phone number and address, and put in his credit card information. It was expensive, getting a mail order sub for three hours, but he looked back and Steve’s pictures and thought fuck it.

Billy was making himself breakfast when his phone went off.

Unknown number: Hi Billy, it’s Steve, your sub for hire! I wanted to confirm our scene appointment and begin discussing expectations.

Billy stared at the text. He bit his lip.

Hi, Steve. Yes, you can confirm our appointment.

Steve (Sub): Great! You selected level one, meaning I’ll bring a selection of toys and gear I like to play with. Do you know much about BDSM?

I mean, I watch a lot of porn.

Steve (Sub): lol 😊 I mean like, for reals.

I’ve done some research, but very little.

Steve (Sub): Do some more before we get together. We’ll just stick with cuffs and stuff so you don’t have to worry about rope. Please get tested if you haven’t after your most recent partner, think about a safeword so you can have that ready, and what you want me to call you. Let me know if there’s anything special you want me to bring or wear. Can’t wait! 🌷

Billy stared at the little pink flower.

So he was really doin’ this. Huh.

Billy got a few books on BDSM to peruse during the next three weeks.

He did everything Steve asked, watched videos on some of the things Steve had listed in his bio, tutorials on how to do them safely. He got tested, came back clean as a damn whistle, and thought a lot about what he wanted for their scene.

So by the time there was a knock on his door, he was ready.

He smiled at Steve, who grinned brightly at him.

“Hi! You’re Billy, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me. Come on in.”

“Thank God. You wouldn’t believe the amount of times I’ve gone to the wrong apartment.” Billy laughed. Steve was easy to be around. He was light and happy and made some of the tension ease from his shoulders. “So, you wanna get right to it?”

“’Course.”

“You’ve got three hours. That includes set up and aftercare. Did you do some more research?” Steve had placed his big duffel bag on Billy’s coffee table, was pulling out cuffs and dildos and gags and impact toys.

“Yes, I did. Real research.”

“Cool! You got any ideas?” Billy looked at the spread Steve had brought.

He doesn’t really feel comfortable with impact yet, has been known to lose himself in things like that, and he really didn’t want to hurt Steve. He eyed a big dildo while picking up the set of nice leather padded cuffs.

“I want to start fairly easy. Cuff you up, stretch you open, fuck you.” Steve had a serious look on his face.

“Yeah, that’s cool. What would you like from me?”

“I love a good brat, so if you wanna play that up.” Steve smirked at him. “And, uh, any of the names you listed in your bio are cool.”

“Sir, is kinda my go to. And my safeword is licorice. Did you think of one?”

“I was thinkin’ Radagast.” It was the first thing that had come to mind. Steve grinned at him.

“You’re a nerd. That’s so cute.” Billy tried not to flush. “Okay, cool. So like, do you have any hard boundaries? I don’t fuck with piss and shit, and I don’t like being left alone, especially while bound or in subspace.”

“That all sounds good. I uh, I don’t want to be hit at all, and I don’t want to hit you.”

“Okay, cool. And what are you looking for in terms of aftercare?”

“Isn’t that, like the dom’s job?”

“Nah, doms need after lovin’ too. I like cuddling afterwards, but if that makes you uncomfortable, I’m good with that. I got a cat at home that’ll snuggle with me.” Billy pictured Steve curled up in a thick sweater, a cat curled into his chest.

It was cute.

“I like cuddling.” Steve smiled at him, nodding once.

“Alright, let’s walk through our scene step by step. What are you looking for?”

“Uh, I think I wanted to strip you, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah! Just don’t rip my clothes.” Billy huffed a laugh. “I’m not kidding, some asshole cut off a dress I was wearing, and I was so mad.”

“Alright, I’ll be careful.” Steve raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay, so after that, I want to cuff you. Like, arms behind your back?”

“That works.”

“And then, uh, make you suck me off, then get you stretched open, make you take this,” he held up the big dildo. “And then fuck you.”

“Great! Feel free to play into the scene, if you want to do some orgasm denial, prostate milking, whatever strikes you along those lines, is good with me.”

“Okay. I think all of that sounds good.” Steve smiled brightly at him, standing up. “And I got tested. I’m clean and I have the test results if you’d like to see them.”

“No need. I believe you.” Billy nodded once. “We can begin when you’re ready then!”

“You’re all good?”

“Yep.”

“Alright then, let’s begin.”

“Go ahead.” Billy grabbed his face, made Steve’s breath hitch in his chest.

“What was that?”

“Go ahead, Sir.”

The switch was immediate. Steve’s eyes were hazy, his body deflating just a little bit, submitting to Billy.

“Say it again.”

“Yes, Sir.” Billy let go of his face. He reached for the hem of his shirt, yanking it over his head. Steve made a disgruntled noise. “Oh, what, Baby? Don’t like it when I get rough?”

Steve shook his head.

“Words.”

“No, Sir. I don’t like it when you get rough.”

“That’s too bad, Princess. ‘Cause this isn’t about you.” He undid Steve’s jeans, pulling them down, slapping Steve’s legs to indicate which one he should step out of.

He brushed his hands along Steve’s body as he stood up.

Steve was watching him with dark eyes.

“Turn around.” Billy leaned to pick up the leather padded cuffs. Steve pouted. Billy cock stirred.

“Don’t wanna.” Billy grabbed his face again.

“Wasn’t a fucking question.” He was fully hard now, his dick flushed a pretty pink color. “Turn. Around.”

Steve did as he was told, hands behind his back for Billy to cuff.

They were each secured with a shiny silver buckle, and Billy silently thanked Steve for bringing them, not making Billy figure out rope.

He finished cuffing Steve, plastering himself to the back of his body, grinding his hard dick into Steve’s ass.

Steve sighed out a moan.

“Feel how hard you’re makin’ me, Sugar?” He leaned forward to nose along Steve’s neck. He titled his head, baring his neck for Billy. “What’re you gonna do about it?”

“Anything you want, Sir. Let you do anything.”

“Of course you will. ‘Cause you don’t have any choice.” Steve whined, pressing his ass back against the front of Billy’s hips.

Billy pushed off him, sitting heavily in his armchair.

Steve looked over his shoulder, eyes all big and pouty.

“C’mere, Baby.” Steve was on his in a flash, nestling in his lap, looking through his lashes at Billy. Billy sighed. “Did I say you could sit on my lap?”

“Just, just wanna be close to you.” Billy grabbed his face again.

“What did I say?” He spoke slowly.

“This isn’t about me.” He let go of his face, petting softly over his hair for a second. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”

“Good boy.” Steve melted. Billy leaned forward, his breath ghosting over Steve’s neck. “Now get on your knees.”

Steve slid off him, settling between Billy’s thighs. He leaned forward right away, nuzzling his face into the hard line of Billy’s cock.

Billy grabbed his hair, yanking him back.

Steve whimpered.

“You’re not listening to me, Brat. I didn’t give you permission to touch me.” Steve’s bottom lip trembled.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Sir. I’ll be good, I’ll listen. Wanna be good for you, Sir.” His eyes were all gooey with tears. Billy was fucking delighted, wanted to make him cry.

He leaned back, opening his belt slowly.

Steve watched with bated breath as he undid his jeans, pulling his cock out.

Billy stroked over himself, made a real show of it, swiping his thumb over the head. Steve was watching him intently.

“Go get me the lube, Sugar.” Steve flicked his eyes up to look at him.

“But my hands-”

“Figure it out. Go on. Be a good boy.” Steve’s breath caught in his chest.

He turned around on his knees, shuffling awkwardly to the coffee table. He was totally gonna have rug burn on his knees.

He bent over the table to pick up the lube with his mouth. Billy admired his ass, his skin pale and smooth.

Steve came back to him, bottle of lube in his mouth.

Billy took it, petting over Steve’s hair some more.

“Go fetch your toy.” Steve rolled his eyes. Billy leaned over, grabbing his face again.

He spat right on Steve’s face. His lashes fluttered.

“Did you roll your eyes?”

“I’m sorry, Sir.” Steve’s eyes had gone bright and watery. Billy resolved to make Steve cry at least once before their time was up.

“Go get your toy, and I’ll decided if you deserve to play with it.”

Steve shuffled to the coffee table, picking up the dildo, his mouth wrapped around the side of the toy like a dog with a bone. He brought it back to Billy.

He sat ramrod straight, looking up at Billy through his lashes. Billy set the dildo with the lube on the little side table.

Billy began stroking himself again.

“Open your mouth.” Steve’s doe eyes were wide as he opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out.

Billy grabbed the back of his hair, and slammed his face down onto his cock.

Steve choked when Billy hit the back of his throat. Billy pulled him off.

“You want me to fuck your face like that, Baby?” Didn’t want to get too rough, wanted to give him an out.

“Yes, Sir. Use my face. Use me.” Billy grinned, pushing Steve back onto his cock.

He guided him up and down, shoving Steve’s head down as far as he could. He could feel Steve relaxing around him, breathing deeply through his nose, keeping his throat open.

He moved his tongue expertly against the underside of him.

“How many cocks you had in this little whore mouth a’ yours? I bet lots. Such a slut.”

Steve whimpered against him. Billy tugged his hair to pull him off.

“Your ass feel as good as your mouth?”

“Yes, Sir.”

He took one moment admiring how red and swollen his lips were, shiny and slick with spit, a thread of saliva still connecting him to the head of Billy’s dick.

“Ask me to touch you. Beg for it.”

“Please, Sir. I want-I need you to touch me. I’ll do anything you want, Sir. I’ll make you feel so good, just please touch me, please.”

And they were the tears.

Billy’s gut roared as a few dripped down his cheeks, as his bottom lip trembled.

“Shh, Princess. So pretty when you beg.” He leaned back in the armchair, patting his lap.

Steve scrambled to sit on his lap, looking at Billy through his lashes. Billy wiped at his tears, sliding his hands down his body, digging his fingers into his soft hips.

“Ask me again.”

“Please touch me. I’ll make you feel so good. Let you do whatever you want.”

“‘Course you will.” He made a big show of slicking up a few of his fingers. Steve’s breaths were short as he reached around him.

One finger went it easy, Steve’s body giving in to him.

“Such a perfect little cockslut. Sucking me in, so greedy.”

Steve melted against him, tucking his head in Billy’s neck.

“Feels so good, Sir.”

He curled his finger, gently brushing against Steve’s prostate, just teasing.

Steve pressed a soft kiss to his neck.

Billy pushed in another finger, pulling them apart, spreading Steve open.

He pressed them in deep, curling them, drilling the tips of his fingers into Steve’s prostate.

Steve keened and whined, his back arching, fucking himself back on Billy’s fingers.

“Thank you, Sir.”

“Being so good for me, Sugar.”

Billy crammed another finger inside him, Steve’s body fluttering around his digits.

“You want another one? Or do you want your toy?”

“Whatever you think I deserve, Sir.”

“Good answer, Slut.” Billy pulled out his fingers, slicking up the big pink dildo.

Billy lined up the dildo, using one hand to spread his cheeks open.

Steve’s back went stiff as he began to push the toy inside.

“Relax, Princess. Be good for me.” Steve was taking deep breaths, relaxing his body as the toy pushed inside, stretched him open.

He pushed the toy in as far as it would go, the flat base of it sitting flush against Steve ass.

Steve’s breaths were shaky.

“Did so good for me. Took your toy so nice. Does it feel good?”

“Feels so good, Sir. Thank you.” Billy pet over his ass, just left the toy shoved inside Steve.

And then he tugged on the base, began slowly fucking Steve with it.

Steve just took it, a pliant little mess in Billy’s lap His cock was hard and hot against Billy’s, smearing pre over both their stomachs.

“You wanna cum on your toy? Or do you want my cock?”

“Want, want your cock, Sir.”

“Do you deserve my cock?” He pushed the toy in a little harder, a little faster, making Steve gasp sharply.

“No, Sir. I don’t deserve anything.”

“No, you don’t, you little brat. You don’t deserve anything I give you.”

“I know I don’t, Sir. Thank you for giving it to me anyway!” Steve was writhing in his lap, Billy could tell he was close.

“Such a spoiled little Princess.”

“Yes! I’m so spoiled.” Billy was moving the dildo fast in and out of him, slick sounds and Steve’s moans filling the apartment.

“You gonna cum?”

“Yes!”

“Beg for it!”

“Please, Sir, I need to cum. I’m so close, please.”

Billy kept fucking him with the toy, leaning forward to speak right into his ear.

“Cum.”

Steve just about screamed when he came.

He covered the front of Billy’s shirt with his spunk, his hips stuttering and grinding, his back arching.

It was beautiful to watch, he fell apart so completely, his eyes squeezing closed.

Billy slowed his hand as Steve’s body relaxed, his chest heaving.

“Thank you.” His words were slurred together.

Billy pulled the toy out, made Steve gasp and whine.

“Gonna use you like the little toy you are.”

“Yes, Sir.” Steve was limp against him as Billy rolled on a condom, shifting Steve to seat him on his cock.

Billy leaned back against the armchair.

“Move.”

Steve blinked up at him.

“But,” his voice trailed off.

“Said I was gonna use you like a little toy. Means you’re gonna get me off.” Steve poked his bottom lip out a little. “Go ahead.”

His thighs were shaking as he lifted up, dropping back down onto Billy’s cock.

Billy was close, watching Steve fall apart had made him painfully hard.

Steve just kept fucking himself, his eyes hazy.

“Tighten up.” His muscles contracted around Billy. He kept going, taking sharp gasps every time Billy hit his prostate.

Billy reached down to play with his over sensitive cock.

“Sir, please-”

“I take what I want, Stevie.” Steve clamped his jaw shut, his bottom lip wobbling.

Billy so wanted him to cry.

“Faster.” He let out a little sob as he moved faster. “Faster.”

And Steve starting crying for real, his cock an angry red, hard again in Billy’s tight grip, his thighs shaking, his inner walls fluttering.

“You gonna cum for me again?”

“Don’t, don’t think I can.” Billy tightened his hold on his cock, jerking him fast.

“Cum, Princess. Wanna see it.”

He sobbed out, his sore cock giving a valiant kick some cum spurting onto Billy’s hand.

Billy bucked his hips, spilling out into the condom, breathing heavy.

He lifted Steve to pull out of him, uncuffing his hands.

“How you doin’?” Steve took a few deep breaths, wrapping his arms around Billy’s shoulders.

“Real good.”

“Everything okay?”

“Everything was fucking great.” Billy laughed, rubbing up and down Steve’s back. He checked his watch.

“We still have an hour, if you wanna cuddle. We could go to bed.” Steve nuzzled into his shoulder.

“I’d like that.” Billy took off the condom, tucking his cock back in his jeans.

He shuffled Steve about, lifting him up as he stood.

He dumped the condom in the trash on his way to the bedroom, putting Steve softly on his bed.

He took off his clothes, sliding under the covers to tangle around Steve.

“That was a good scene.”

“Yeah? I do okay?”

“Yeah, first timer. Did real okay.” Billy huffed a laugh. Steve took a shaky breath. “We could do it again sometime. If you wanted. I’d give you a uh, discounted price.”

“How good of a discount we talkin’?”

“Buy me dinner, get a free session.”

“I think that sounds like a good deal.” Steve smiled up at him. Snuggled a little closer.

#i wrote this and then accidentally deleted like half of it bc I'm Dumb and I don't htink it's as good as it was rip #yikes writes #lemons #steve harrington #billy hargrove #steve harrington x billy hargrove #billy hargrove x steve harrington #harringrove #harringrove fic #harringrove ficlet #harringrove drabble

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jorts-lad · 3 years

Text

If you haven’t already, may I suggest watching the the post TMA episode 200 live stream. You can find it on the past live streams on the Rusty Quill twitch page. It’s a great time and many fun chats about the show from many of the people at Rusty Quill. If you need more of a reason below I have some fun quotes throughout all 3 parts of the stream.

Slight tangent before that, I do suggest continuing watch their streams, they are pretty great and also if you haven’t yet the other RQ podcasts are amazing.

I might not have the exact quotes but eh, I got them mostly.

In character Among Us (Start)

- “I realize we could end up with like 10 Martins at this point, or 10 Johns, but I feel like that will add to the drama”

- “I hate it already”

- “And it will give Robbin Lennox more screen time then he did in the show so it will be really good!”

- “Hey everybody look at me, I’m hot, I’m the fun one, I’m sexy. Sexy Tim.”

- “Keep adding to canon, that’s right, keep adding canon”

- “Your voice has changed a lot over the years, it’s like you’ve lost track of it”. “I’ve started smoking *laughter*”

- “i like fan fic”

- “All season 1 Tim round”

- “You mean a notTim?”

- “What a Tim to be alive”

- “We can’t have John as the imposter because you’d always hear from a distant corner of the ship, ‘Ceaseless Watcher’ ”

- “If I were the Corruption I guess I would just say, *corruption noises*”

- “Enjoy space black?”

- “That’s the key with Elias, just very British”

- “Hot John rights”

- “This is Elias Shiteatinggrin Bouchard”

- “I don’t suppose there’s an open position at the Archive?”. “Fun-ally enough there’s quite a few”

Jackbox

- “Aww, I love those” “Motion Sickness?” “Yeh”

- “I refuse to say Dino Nuggies”

- “So how is everyone?”

- “I cyber bully Martyn a lot”

- Question: A rejected fear from Smirke’s list. Answers: Vacuuming or The Fandom

- “I’m not voting for either because I don’t understand either joke!”

- “Alex told me to turn it on” “Alex isn’t the boss of you!”

- Question: Ah, yes, Elias Bouchard’s only weakness: Answers: Loose Morals and Fast Women or Mirrors and Thigh High Boots

- Question: What did Martyn photoshop Alex as this time? Answers: The Entire Cast of Glee or A Dinonuggie

- “Keen as mustard”

- “I really thought I had it with Senpai”

- “Hello, I’m Alasdair, the unsung hero of The Magnus Archives.”

- “In a real way aren’t you always playing Helen?”

- Question: It’s all fun and games until Daisy... Answers: Runs Out of Bullets or Kills a Cockney Delivery Driver

- “Wow. Wow. Wow. Jonathan.”

- “I took over the Stellar Firma transcripts and I come into the series at episode 60, I have no idea what the hell is going on. And then I have to describe the noise Tim makes with his mouth.” “It’s technically called speech I think”

- “Someone in the chat said, ‘Content warning: Tim Meredith’”.

- “Original recording of Rick Astley doing what?”

- Question: Martin’s favorite sweater had THIS written on it: Answers: This is what a Tea-Drinker Looks Like or Twink

- “I forgot about the good cows” “How could you forget about the good cows?!”

- “Crawdaddy”

- Not a quote but all i’m gonna say is, Autumn PHRASING

- “Alex. But wrong”

- “Content Warning: Daddies”

- “Martin wearing a shirt that says ‘Tea Daddy’”

- “The two genders: Crawdaddies and Regular Daddies.”

- “It’s alright it’s just a podcast” jonny please don’t i’ll start aggressively crying at you.

- *Jonny and Sasha discus what they are gonna eat for dinner*

- *Jonny messing everything up*

- “I used to play Martin, but ya know”

- “Oh wait does that mean Tim is now kayaking with John and Martin?” STOP IM CRYING

- “Do you here the raw capitalism in his voice”

- “Aw Daisy Chains”. “That’s not what it says”. “That’s what I choose to read”

- *everyone making Alex uncomfortable with words*

- “Oops all Ben”

The Huge Chinking’ Quiz of the Season (End)

- *everyone ominously saying Martyn*

- “Episode 69” “And what is the title of that one?” “Nice”

- “Jacky-B”

- “It’s just a spin off where nothing bad happens and ya’ know cause like Gerry Keay said the fears were the only entity and I said no, fuck you that’s wrong”

- “Alexander J. Bone”

- “Dino nuggets”

- *zooms in on Mike’s face* “You’re doing what? On my stream!”

- “Magns Achves”

- *extended sounds of chicken noises*

- “Spider [nonbinary] is my gender”

- “Over 9,000?”

- “Everyone go home Twitch is over”

- “Tim, I mean Mike”

- “Can we not make Tim a verb”

- “Swoon, swoon, swoon, Adelard Dekker”

- “not a soup store, just soup!”

- *talking about Jonah Magnus* “Cause he’s a bitch!”

- “You can’t just pop in a contact lens, ya got to bring in the whole man”

- “I was covered in disinfectant before I stroked him”

- “Don’t just straps your friends down and pull things out of them, I guess”

- “Rusty Quill Streams is a podcast”

- “Rusty asmr hours”

- “Ceaseless Watcher, turn your gaze aping these ribs!”

- “The Twilight universe is actually set in the Magnus universe” *disapproving* “NO”

- “I thought you said Shrek shaved her”

- “how’s it feel to get the last line in the show?” “VINDICATION”

- “And for the last time, Statement Ends”

#tma #the magnus archives #rusty quill #mag 200 #tma spoilers

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delfinodreams · 3 years

Text

OKAY i said i would make a post about my thoughts on paper mario a while ago and im finally writing it out

ill put it under a break because its probably gonna be long-ish

update: yea this bitch is LONG

okay so overall i really really enjoyed it!! it was really solid for the first entry in the series and i could definitely see the inspiration that ttyd later took from it. one thing that i didnt know about was partners not having HP, which threw me for a little bit of a loop. partners as a whole in this game don't play as active of a role as i wouldve expected because they have so little lines but using them in battle is still very fun! another small thing but i also hadn't expected mario to be completely silent, but it later grew on me!

i'm also gonna list my experiences and opinions on each chapter so here we go!!

chapter 1 - pretty alright for an introductory chapter! i didnt find anything especially notable, apart from getting 2 partners in one chapter. navigating the koopa bros. fortress was fun, and i loved the battle at the end!! their theme is SUCH a banger i had to sit back and listen to it for a bit when the fight actually started ehe

chapter 2 - not quite a fan of this one imo? i liked the first part through the mountain, but the trek though dry dry desert kinda took it out of me. BUT the addition of my favourite partner made up for it! parakarry my beloved <3 also the cutscene where dry dry ruins rise up??? that shit was SPECTACULAR. i absolutely loved how it turned dark when it first came up, i wish it stayed like that for more than just until you entered the ruins. the boss itself wasn't too exciting for me, probably because there wasnt much of a story?? i dont know how to describe it. actually its like that for quite a few of these bosses, but its the first entry for this series, so i wont fault it too much.

chapter 3 - this might be my FAVOURITE chapter- the suspense buildup throughout the entire chapter was AMAZING holy moly!!! first through the forever forest when you have bootler ask for you, and then wandering the mansion itself. i TOTALLY thought that boos were gonna be actual enemies when i saw them floating around. sneaking around tubba blubba's castle was so so fun to do, and i legitimately panicked when you ran into him in the hall and also when he wakes up and chases you back to the windmill. i didnt actually think the heart itself was the boss, just a miniboss, so i freaked out when i left the windmill and was immediately thrown into a battle with tubba blubba. i cannot express just how much i enjoyed this chapter, seriously!!

chapter 4 - coming back to toad town with the music change threw me for a bit; i wasnt expecting action to pop up so soon! figuring out that you could actually go into the toybox was such a "wait, what??" moment for me, but like, in a positive way. it was really cool to navigate this chapter and the lantern ghost encounter genuinely creeped me out at first because it was COMPLETELY dark. the fight against general guy is also a BANGER i could listen to it all day

chapter 5 - man i LOVE the whale. just a big guy willing to take u across the ocean :^) i really appreciated how you weren't stranded on the island too, like how you were on keelhaul key in ttyd. the ravens are also funky little guys, love them too. again, the lava piranha didnt really have any substance to it BUT it was a nice fight nonetheless! when it popped up again i was shocked but i made it through!! also fuck kolorado he doesnt deserve his wife

chapter 6 - this one's formatting is really neat- one central area with lots of branching paths, which i hadnt seen in my past pm experiences! i loved the quest leading up to the big beanstalk, plus the environment was so pretty!! the little part with the sun tower popped out to me, i'm not sure why though. maybe it was the music, it was so different from the flower fields theme. at first i had actually expected to go up to the clouds earlier, maybe like midway through the chapter. i thought that would be the "dungeon" of this part, so i was a little bit let down when i realized that the fields were the majority. however, the bit of the clouds we do see is SO good i LOVE the atmosphere!! huff n puff was actually relatively easy, using parakarry and lakilester for their all-around attacks. the guitars were a nice touch for his theme as well!

chapter 7 - oh dude i LOVED this chapter. i didnt know what i was expecting when i first went into the pipe in the sewers, whether it would put me into a village immediately or if i would have to make it through some screens before. needless to say, i was relieved when it popped me out into shiver city. the whole place felt "warm" which was really nice!! i was comparing it to ttyd's chapter 7 and fahr outpost which i didn't really vibe with, so it was a nice change! the whole murder plot was also unexpected but i enjoyed the whole "whodunnit" mystery! omg as im typing this i realize just how many aspects of this chapter i love this is gonna be long,, the entire snowy atmosphere is just so PRETTY and starborn valley felt so solitary to the rest of the land, like its own little bubble. i also had no idea that ninjis were in this game so when i saw one at merlon's i was like HUH?? anyways the way up the mountain to the crystal palace kept me on my toes; i thought that was the dungeon at first! the small bit where you see madam merlar and she tells you the story of the palace really got to me i have no idea why. the music and mysticality of it all was just SO good. dont even get me started on the crystal palace itself HOLY MOLY. the whole reflection bit was SO SO clever and the moment you realize its NOt actually a mirror?? fucking magnificent. this has to be my favourite dungeon in the whole game because it has such a NEAT gimmick!! it also has my favourite mario enemies, duplighosts! FUCK the crystal king though. he stunlocked me with his freezing move because i could not get the hang of blocking it. my partners really carried me for that battle; thank god for quick change

chapter 8 - THIS CHAPTER DELIVERED. the buildup for the entire game leading to this point. OUTSTANDING. i had to sit back and admire star haven because its so pretty- did i mention i love the water graphics in this game?? it has a pixelly look but it works SO WELL. going to the ship to take you to bowser's castle really felt like a "this is it" moment. the entirety of bowser's castle was So Good, it kept me on my toes the entire time!! slowly advancing as the music got more intense REALLY pumped me up. tracks that start off with only a couple instruments and eventually add more as you progress is one way to make me go BONKERS. the one bit where you make your way outside on the bridge and the music dials down and then you re-enter on the other side to it SLAMMING you in the face- that was Great. and then the complete silence as you get outside peach's castle HOLY SHIT. and then you actually enter the palace and the music is SO EERIE and youre like OH SHIT THIS IS REALLY IT. seriously, the buildup for this entire castle is done SO magnificently. i hadn't expected to fight bowser twice, i guess it was the game's way of letting u level up One Last Time before u got to the big bad. that being said, i wasn't too worried on getting a game over since i was fucking stacked on items. but that's besides the point- the fight itself got my heart POUNDING. the effects for the star rod and the star's powers were really nice to see in action, and the little section with peach and twink was so cool! i was expecting a little interlude where you would get your stats maxed out because thats how its like in every pm game, but it was still moving :)) bowser's final battle theme fucking SLAPS. the guitar especially sounds AMAZING. you really see him as a threat here and its so badass. his healing move fucked me over multiple times- i probably ended up having to deal with double his base HP over the course of the fight.

after the fight was over and you got to see peach's castle float down with the soft music in the background, it really hit me that its done, its over. again, the effects in this game are so pretty and theyre utilized SO well for the n64. visiting toad town one last time with all the npcs was a really nice touch- for some reason i really loved being able to interact with vanna t. (chuck quizmo's toad assistant) she's ADORABLE and i will probably end up drawing her sometime :)) the credits were also something that i really enjoyed- i LOVE the ongoing theme of parades at the end. seeing everything and everyone in the game condensed into a short 8 minutes really got me, i cant remember but im pretty sure i was smiling the whole time! and a small sidenote- TOADS WITH GLOWING SPOTS ON THEIR HEAD HELLO?????? I WANNA DRAW THAT SO BAD.

the ending screen with peach and mario looking at the fireworks made me really soft and i teared up a little because i was finally finished. the addition of pop diva's solo in the track was also so touching, it was my favourite sidequest in the game so hearing it again brought up Emotions :')

one thing i wasnt sure of was if there was a post-game mode and my completionist heart was disappointed a little when i found out i couldn't advance from the end screen and was forced to reset. although not many games from this era had post-game content so i cant dock too many points for that.

the paper mario series has a fond place in my heart, and finally being able to play the game that started it all really was a special experience. it really cemented my love for the original formula and i could see many places where ttyd took inspiration from. this game really is fun, and i would highly recommend playing it yourself if you have the means!

#i just finished typing this out #i did not mean for it to get this long omg #i just have Many Thoughts #and you guys get to deal with them #i just checked and this is nearly 2K WORDS HELLO??????#paper mario #paper mario 64 #dreamy convos

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berrymeter · 4 years

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hi everyone this is my first fic be nice to me <3

in which y/n gets to bully mark tuan for free - somewhere over 1k words

It’s getting a little late, isn’t it ? You check your watch— just kidding, you don’t have one. What year is it, 2006 ? Don’t make me laugh. Rather than a clock bracelet conveniently placed around your wrist you lower your eyes to the bottom right corner of your laptop to confirm your suspicions… Ah, yes, the passage of time. You spent the entire damn afternoon scrolling through social media like some kind of zoomer-millennial-loser, again. (Chances are you’re one.) Still that doesn’t negate the fact that it is assuredly late now ; shouldn’t that passive aggressive twink-passing dude be back by now ?

Okay, it’s not that late. Just about time for dinner, the good ol’ almost-nine in the evening. Realistically you shouldn’t be complaining, you never actually have dinner with your problematic roommate nor do you eat dinner at an appropriate time yourself, but you open your notes app nonetheless and add another bullet point to your list: “Things I Get To Throw In His Face When We Have An Argument”. Build up your arsenal and release it all when the time is right, that’ll show him. An exaggerated sigh escapes your lips. Is it so hard to be punctual, after all ? He told you he’d be back by eight ! You’d planned to watch a movie together ! Not that it ever amounted to anything since an argument always broke out mid-film, but plans were nice every once in a while. You bite your bottom lip in annoyance, zoning out for a brief few seconds ( minutes ? Are you aware of time ? I’m not) as your eyes lose focus over the screen emitting all that nasty blue light, before deciding to just brush it off – at the very least, until he gets there. Once the door opens, it’s on. Some more scrolling and it gets you thinking, since your brain doesn’t have much better to do while he’s not here to get his ass jumped by you. You think. You think about how you referred to him as a “twink-passing” dude just a few paragraphs earlier. (You are currently in the mind of the narrator. I get to be y/n.) Why so ? Well, very simply, a twink would refer to a man who engages in romantic relationships with other men, or would at least be willing to. You’re unsure whether he would consider it. He sure looks like you could snap him like a twig though, so you call him a twink anyway. What’s he going to do ? Punch your kneecaps ? (Even if you are short, I, the writer, am shorter than you. I am offering you the ability to be taller than Mark Tuan. Use it wisely.) You think a little further, and think of how ‘twink’ has been used so many times as a joke, like it’s a funny insult. Is it right ? Are we not taking the term seriously enough ? You drop that train of thought soon enough. It doesn’t matter: twinks should be bullied. What convinced you of this is that twink from that NCT group, the one with the monosyllabic name. You nod to yourself. Yes, twinks should undeniably be bullied. (Note that I am a twink too, it’s okay, relax, I’m not calling for twink oppression. I mean I kinda am actually tho.) Within a few more seconds, your eyelids start to slip shut. Ah… What was that about the zoomer-millennial-loser thing ? You know it’s not easy these days to be productive, to find things you enjoy when you’re not in the right headspace, and being in the right headspace is not easy itself either. Work is tiring. You need those bucks, though. You struggle to work and then on your day off you scroll through social media. It doesn’t actually make you a loser, does it ? That’s what the bitter older generations will try to feed you, but it’s all wrong. You’re just living. Yes, you are. I’m proud of you. You made it this far ! Keep scrolling. Maybe get off Twitter though, that’s not how you’re going to make yourself feel any better in any capacity, unless your thing is pissing off ARMYs and getting terminated within the hour… The door unlocks. Your mind snaps back in. Wow, gee, at least you managed to pass time ! And it’s… yikes, you probably dozed off too during that time, because it’s past ten. An offended frown graces your features as you turn to look at that little bastard, that short fucking stick, that— “ Wha ! ” You get hit in the face with a purse… Damn, gay ass, he’s carrying a purse around now ? Wait, hold on. Why the fuck— “ Why the fuck did you do that ? ” you exclaim as you throw the purse aside. The devil’s looking at you with that passive aggressive smile of his on his face. Sickening. “ I heard what you said about Virgo men the other day, ” he responds, his voice barely hiding the pent up anger, “ and that wasn’t really nice, (y/n). We actually shower, you know ? ” “ Yeah, well, you’re gonna need to prove that, bitch boy. ” He grabs his keys and throws them in your face. Ouch, hey ! “ Stop that ! I wasn’t even lying, I— " His hand goes through his pocket while you speak and this time his phone hits your head. It’s enough. Quickly you stand, pushing your laptop aside and throwing the phone right back in his face… but it’s too late. He’s seen it. Your laptop. He gets a flash from the past ; years ago, when he was just a young Virgo man navigating this cruel world, although the world was at his fingertips by virtue of being a FUCKING Virgo man (tells you a lot about why the world is cruel), back when he met that so, so young Taurus boy, and he grabbed his laptop… You notice his glare. Your eyes narrow, and before you can yell out “No” he’s leaping for your laptop, grabbing it and holding onto it tight as you try to pry it from his hands. “ Let it go or I’m calling Jaybee ! “ the words shoot right out of your mouth. “ You think I’m scared of that catboy ? He showers even less than me ! ” “ Did you just admit to not showering ? Fucking nasty ! Go shower, stinky ! ” He roars in response, but it’s really embarrassing because he’s not a lion in any way, shape or form. He is, fortunately, very much human. You move your foot to rest it on his back (picture it: he’s on his stomach, across the couch, holding onto your laptop. So it is possible for you to rest your foot on his back). You put a little pressure on it, and his back cracks a little ; he goes “Ouch, fuck !”, and releases his grip. Yes, good, the laptop is yours (you knew that but I mean it’s in your hands again, don’t be annoying). Once again you put it aside – he uses that time to straighten himself up a little – but you have no mercy. You rush to the fridge as he follows suit, grab the bottle of milk, open it and throw it in his face. “ Jesus Christ, dude ! ” he yells out, completely inconsiderate of whether or not you’d like to be addressed as such. Don’t forget: as hot as he may be, he is a Virgo man. He does not care about you. Stop loving him right now. “ Guess you’re gonna have to shower for real this time, ” you comment, the satisfaction of this battle you just won seeping through your words. “ Fucking loser, lmao. ” “ Fuck you, (y/n). ” “ You look stupid as hell right now. Boo! Take a shower, you and your crusty musty ass ! That’s what you get for making me wait two hours ! You can’t even find the beat though, I guess you couldn’t find where to read the time on your phone. ” The court jester known as Mark Tuan proceeds to exit the scene under these humiliating claims, wiping some of the milk off his face with his milk-drenched shirt. “ Ew, ” is what you have to say to that. “ I beg you to shut your mouth right now, ” he responds from the bathroom.

But you don’t shut up. You’ve got your list, after all. You come closer to the bathroom door and lean against it, opening your handy dandy notes app – it's actually a Drive file so you can open it both on your laptop and your phone, handy dandy ! – and beginning to go through it all. " You remember when we moved in together and you stubbed your toe ? You thought I wouldn't notice how you blamed me for stubbing your toe on YOUR table that I hadn't even touched, and just casually didn't do any chores the next week ? Or the time I asked you to not touch my food and you went and ate all of it without even thinking about it, the time you threw my phone away because you thought it was too old and cheap to still be used by someone... Or worst of all, the time you said Zuko wasn't a 'compelling' or 'well-written' character, and that you found the Joker much more relatable... " " Go away ! " He kind of sounds like a child, not as in cute but as in immature for a grown ass man, and next thing you hear is the sound of rushing water. He's actually showering ? Damn, guess all that bullying paid off at the end of the day ! You smile to yourself but in an evil way. “ What a fucking embarrassing manlet lol, “ you mutter to yourself. Your job here is done (for now). All is well in the world. You go sit back on the couch, grab your laptop again, and browse AO3 for self-insert fics where you help Jinyoung and Jaebum hide their relationship by being Jinyoung’s beard. No way you’d get that close to Jaebum even in the dreamscape ; Mark was kinda right about him not showering…

#perth.txt #perth writes bullshit for fun #it's a masterpiece <3

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freakandgeekuniverse · 5 years

Text

Kims

September 1, 1989, first day back in hell…nope, not hell, just high school. Dear Diary, why is it that when I look at these kids I’ve known since kindergarten I can only see the assholes and bitches they grew into instead of the friends we all were?

Why are the weak to suffer through humiliation by the strong when in reality it is the strong ones who are weak?

Who allowed this to happen to us? Who allowed jackasses such as Hoseok Jung and Jeongguk Jeon to reign as lords of the school?

You guessed it…the Kims. They are the rulers of this school as if it were their own kingdom. They decide who’s hot and who’s not. Taehyung Kim, as leader of the pep squad, he’s known for his boxy smile despite his shady personality. Namjoon Kim, his façade of being the studious nerd has granted him an all-access pass to the secrets of Westerburg High. And above all, the one and only, Seokjin Kim, he is the mightiest dick. Like Kevlar, they are bulletproof to the bullshit.

God, I would kill to be one of them.

Anyway, I have to go to school now, so we’ll talk more after I’ve suffered another horrifying day at Westerburg.

Sincerely yours,

Jimin Park

“Jimin, you’re gonna miss the bus,” Jimin’s mother called up the stairs to his room.

“Coming, Mother,” he sighed as he made his way down the steps. Clad in his usual oversized sweater with distressed jeans, he grabbed his overstuffed backpack and left the house. On his walk to the bus stop, he was tackled into a bear hug by his best friend since diapers, Taemin Lee.

“Hey, Mini Min. Ready for another year of torture at the hands of the Kims,” he asked.

“Who’s ever ready for them,” Jimin scoffed. “They shit on whoever they want with no regard to the people they demolish. Remember when they absolutely tore into that substitute creature last year?”

“That was brutal, but hey, at least we all agreed it was necessary. We don’t call him the Substitute Creature for nothing,” Taemin snickered just as the bus reached them.

As they entered the Carriage to Hell, slurs and insults were immediately thrown their way. Having been through this gauntlet three years already, most of the insults rolled right off like oil in a gulf. “One more year of this and it’s off to college for us,” Taemin remarked as they sat down.

“That’s if I don’t off myself before graduation.”

“Well, maybe the new kid we’re supposed to be getting will help curb your suicidal urges.”

***

Standing at the front gate, the two best friends stood side by side as students hurried to greet their friends after three long, depressing months of isolation. “Do you ever just wanna strike a match and watch it go up,” Jimin questioned as they walked up the front steps.

“Can’t say that I have, my little homicidal maniac,” Taemin denied, ruffling Jimin’s raven hair.

“I’m not that short,” Jimin rebuffed.

“Whatever you say,” Taemin chuckled before getting shoved by Varsity quarterback, Hoseok Jung.

“Watch it, Twink,” the jock hissed as if Taemin was truly the bane of his miserable existence.

“Ah, Hoseok Jung, how’s your third year of being a huge dick,” Jimin shouted after the hurried jock. Hoseok stopped to face the shorter with a scowl on his face.

“What’d you say about me, whore?”

Just as Jimin was about to tell the jerk off, Taemin stepped in to protect his friend. “Nothing. He said nothing, Hoseok.”

“That’s what I thought, nerd,” Hoseok sniffed before going inside the building.

Jimin was fuming as he smacked Taemin’s hand away from his mouth. “How could you just let them get away with this kind of stuff?”

“I remind myself that if I suffer now, I can only be happier later in life. The best revenge after all is to live your best life despite what they might say.”

“Ugh, you’re such a sap.”

“Who cares, we’re seniors now. We’ve survived this long, we can make it one last year.”

Jimin conceded with a roll of his eyes and a fond smile on his lips. They continued into the building, practically numb to the insults being thrown their way. Before either could speak again, Hoseok’s asshole best friend, Jeongguk, decided to plow through the two of them, causing Taemin to drop the books too big for his backpack.

“Hey,” Jimin called after the jock. “Pick that up right now.”

“Are you talking to me,” Jeongguk growled out.

“Yeah, I’m talking to you. What gives you the right to just push us like that? You’re a high school has-been waiting to happen. A future gas station attendant,” Jimin ranted.

Jeongguk hesitated for a moment before speaking, “…You have a zit, right there.”

Jimin took a moment to compose himself once more before he exploded on the other. “This is complete bullshit. I mean, why do they get to act all high and mighty when they’re dumber than a box of hair? Who says that we’re the bottom and they’re the top,” at Taemin’s slightly affronted expression, Jimin backtracked. “Sorry, poor choice of words.”

“No, I get it, but it could be worst. They could be the Kims.”

“Oh, please, I’d rather the Kims than Dumb and Dumber.”

The warning bell rang, cutting their conversation short. “I will see you tonight,” Taemin bade his farewell, walking in the direction of his homeroom. Jimin continued down the hallway, stopping when he heard the telltale signs of vomiting coming from the bathroom just ahead.

“Ugh, grow up, Joon. Bulimia is so ’87,” the unmistakable voice of Seokjin Kim sighed from the crack in the door.

“Maybe you should see a doctor, Joon,” Taehyung Kim soothed as he rubbed his best friend’s back.

“Yeah, Tae, maybe I should,” Namjoon Kim rasped, throat raw from the expulsion of stomach acid.

“Well,” a voice drawled out from the door to the boys’ bathroom, prompting Jimin to hide around the corner. “If it isn’t Jin and Tae,” the teacher was cut off by Namjoon hurling once more into the toilet, “and Joon. I don’t know if you heard over all the vomiting, but the bell’s already rung. You’re late.”

“Mr. Choi, Joon wasn’t feeling well. We were just helping him,” Jin explained in a saccharine tone.

“Not without a hall pass you’re not,” Mr. Choi smirked. And there it was, the blissful opening that Jimin had waited for since sixth grade. His chance to get into the most popular clique in Westerburg. Quickly, he scribbled up a forged pass to give to the teacher.

“Uh, actually, Mr. Choi, we’re all out on a hall pass. Yearbook,” Jimin lied clean through his teeth. Choi snatched the note out of the smaller’s hand, looking it over.

“Mm,” he hummed, “You’re all listed. Hurry up and get to where you need to go.” Mr. Choi all but shoved the forgery into Jimin’s chest, brushing past and leaving the quartet to themselves.

Snatching the note from the smaller’s hand, Jin took a closer look. “This is an amazing forgery. Who are you?”

Jimin opened his mouth to respond, but Namjoon beat him too it, “Jimin Park, not really well known, has one friend, doesn’t really do much in terms of extracurriculars. A nobody.”

“Uh, yeah, what he said. Basically, I crave a boon,” Jimin began fiddling with his fingers, a nervous tic of his. He was truly starting to regret this.

“What boon,” Jin clipped.

“Could you please let me sit at your table at lunch? Just once, please. You don’t even have to talk to me. It’s just, if people think you guys like me, hell, just tolerate me, they’ll leave me alone and by extension, Taemin,” after Jimin’s long explanation, Jin smirked deviously. “Oh, also, before you answer, I happen to also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes…equivalent exchange,” Jimin chuckled softly at the end, hoping the Kims would agree to his terms.

“How good are you at prescription notes,” Taehyung asked, hand still rubbing the back of Namjoon.

“Shut up, Tae,” Jin commanded.

“Sorry, Jin.”

Jin gripped onto Jimin’s chin tightly as he examined the other’s face. Finding nothing obtrusive or immediate, he let the smaller go. “I mean, if you’re going to sit with us, you’ll have to look the part. It’s a good thing a greasy nobody like you has such a good bone structure.” Jimin’s eyes widened at the implications. He was actually going to do the impossible.

“And an almost symmetrical face,” Taehyung piped in. “If it weren’t for that tooth, I could take a meat cleaver straight down your skull and have matching halves. At least the crooked tooth gives you character.”

“Plus, you are slightly chubby, but I guess we can work with it,” Namjoon inputted. Ok, so maybe Jimin had a slight pudge, but it’s not his fault he’s attached to it. It hasn’t bothered him before, but he knew it was going to come up eventually.

“Hey, you know what,” Jin questioned his friends. “This could be the start of something beautiful. Add a bit of mascara, maybe a bit of blush on those cherub cheeks. Tae give me your lip gloss; Joon, let me see your pomade. Let’s make him hot.”

“Let’s make him gorgeous,” Tae squealed in excitement.

“Let’s make him beautiful,” Joon tagged on.

“Do you agree to our terms,” Jin asked. Jimin nodded so fast, he was pretty sure he got whiplash.

The following lunch, the Kims walked into the cafeteria in their usual triangle formation, not to showcase their power but to hide their newest addition.

“Hey, who’s that with Tae,” Hoseok asked Jungkook as they watched the quartet move through the cafeteria. “Looks like a fresh piece of ass.”

“I don’t know. Think it might be a new kid?”

“Nah. That title belongs to dark and broody over in the corner. Wait, Taemin the Twink is walking up to them.

Just as Hoseok observed, Taemin moved closer to the intimidating quartet. “Um, hi, Jin, I know you probably don’t know me, but, um, I was wondering if you had seen Jimin around? Last I heard from him, he said he was catching a ride with you.”

Jin smiled warmly at the blonde, reaching a hand up to tousle his hair. “Oh, Minnie,” he sang, “Your friend is looking for you.”

From behind Jin, Jimin stepped out sporting a new blue outfit. That wasn’t all that was new with Jimin. In fact, Jimin had been used as the Kims’ personal dress up toy and sported new accessories courtesy of the three. From his blue hairclip to his black Doc Martens. “Hey, Taemin. Sorry for canceling last night. I hope it’s okay that I sit with these guys today,” his innocent eyes looked up at his best friend for the past seventeen years, hoping the other would understand that he was doing it for them.

“Uh, yeah, sure. I’ll just, um, I’ll just go to the auditorium,” even though Taemin gave his approval, Jimin could see the hurt in his eyes. Not giving Jimin the chance to explain further, Taemin took his lunch to the auditorium in some hopes of escaping his rumors.

“Taemin,” Jimin whimpered out as he watched his best friend leave.

“Come on, Minnie. Lions don’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep,” Jin said, steering the smaller towards their table. A deep unsettling feeling began to burn within Jimin’s stomach. He had probably just made the biggest mistake of his life.

#geegee's giggles #i did it #heathers au #BTS jin #bts namjoon #bts v #BTS jimin #shinee taemin #big bang T.O.P

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suburban-satan · 5 years

Text

shit my friends say

So I made a list of all the wild shit my friends say, started in January 2018 and still going. It's one year old I guess? Well, enjoy what I have so far!

2018 -d a d d y w i s e -well there’s chains on the ground so that must mean this was a kinky sex dungeon -GORSH MICKEY NOT MY G SPOT -I can wait until I turn 40 so I can troll Japanese Girls on roblox -what if we all looked like mike wizowski but our heads were the same size as they are now -I wanna give pot to a bird -I take pills without water -daddies cummie wummies are the best cummie wummies -enjoy your nonexistent stomach acid -cum glaze -I hope you choke on MY meat -who hasn’t been on pornhub -(wipes tears away and starts belting despacito) -MY GAY IS BEING TRIGGERED -that omelet looks delouse -is semen a liquid or solid -iTs nOt aQuaNauTs yOu uNculTurEd fOoK -vaginas are scary -what is menstruation -you should change your name to pussy something -my gay has been activated -“have you ever owned a vibrator?” “No” “would you like to rent one” -“do you like glazed or cream filled” -wHaT dOeS cUm sOuNd LiKe -he is on too much fertilizer -sometimes cum is hot I know from experience -if you jerked off at the speed of sound would your dick be on fire -I don’t have a sonic fetish -can your dick ignite because of the heat of your cock -aren’t dicks like cannons -who the fuck draws a glowing peepee on a skeleton -honey Freddy freaker is dancing in the living room -does penis smell like garlic -she don’t swallow in this household -*downloading garrison nudes* -don’t you realize that tentacle porn is just using octopus arms as a dildo -frickle my nipples -Minecraft porn consists of the male genitalia replaced with a stick -OOPSIE WOOPSIE!! Uwu We make a fucky wucky!! A wittle fucko boingo! The code monkeys at our headquarters are working VEWY HAWD to fix this! -“I’m big for an asian” -cockilicous -“His anal glands need milking” -fready flipper -FREADY FAPPER -daddy better make me choke -does Freddy freaker have a mutated alien dick -sonic breaks the sound barrier by beating his meat -the sun looks like it’s gon vore you -bootyhole exploration -is megalovania sex music -i like to drink cock -cum is just genital snot -penis musk -Shid piz and farbt -Bull + shit = sis it don’t add up -Hey don’t tell me at least once in your life you haven’t thought about being gently caressed across the genitalia by the kraken -I swallow boba like i swallow cum -I wuv fungus kun, the way he waps a awond my tosie wosies so tight! He’s gibing me a huggie!!!! Fungus kun gibes my tosies a new color too!!!! Wat a good fungus kun make my doki doki go “ UAU” heeheehee -eating banana with the banana peel -orang juce -father I want cheddar -don’t you just look at someone and think about how long their neck is -breathing is just boneless vaping -get outta here juuling criminal -yall ever succ a dick for juul pods -unironically drawing miss piggy -“Jack don’t let go 😱🤭🤭, jack sweetie 😐👀 if you let go 🙊🙈 you’re weave 🙀🙀 gone 😇😘💅” -I've been watching spooky movies for 5 hour -omg it’s daddy sans undertaker!!! -bröther -I ate my sister -are you'd's't've kidding me? -oh youtube please don't show me the shrek movies rn -My brother is calling me out on the family group chat for eating a bowl of peanut butter -Hamilton is best girl -get outta here you fuckin loyalist -what doesn’t cum have -drink flex seal and you won’t have to worry about a marriage -I feel water. -“Superfood or supergross? Is Sperm good?” -coochie hands gucci bands -just imagine trying to cast a spell and then you get disturbed by a banjo -toto africa is sex music now and everytime they say rain it’s just cum -y'all ever burp in your mouth and exhale it through your nose like a vaper -how dare them make my green senpai an honorable member of society -If you didn’t search big boobs video on google at least once are you really a Gen Z kid????? -laugh pussies -i’m watching the history of japan on pornhub -we have the same name because we are secretly the same person -what if you eat your phone and it’s all in your tummy -why would you ever think i’m not serious all the time you silly dragon but we’re both (my name) so we can be the silly dragon together -why would you wash your face before you go to bed when your tears wash it off for you *wooshing noises* -I want to drive a bus because I like busses -my shoe broke -why does everyone talk about the drugs i’m eating -i’m going to break her because she’s talking about smoking cocaine and I don’t like drugs -(stage whisper) metal heads live among us but we don’t know because they look like normal people -oh bye mr music teacher -the pussy? designer. cucci, if you will. -DID I HEAR S A N S P O R N -"i'm about to nay nay on your dead fucking corpse" -alert alert the toes are coming -you got a fucking problem with my 𝐩𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐬? -imagine using an oven for something designed for a microwave this post was made by the doesnt have much motivation gang -Please take my Minnesotan snow Wait that sounds like Minnesotan cocaine -when you funny scream -"dating the Bill of Rights for fun" is now exactly how I'm going to describe my hyperfixations -the penguin from fruit loops is a twink (bitch its a toucan) -if white cheese exists is there black cheese -What’s rosum opossum -whale cum -dicko mode -(GETTIN SOME CHRISTMAS SPIRIT UP IN THAT PUSS) -pennies more like penis amirite -It’s Sunday don’t forget to squeeze cheese on the cat -the grinch is dr seuss’s fursona -everyone is gangster until the trees start speaking vietnamese -big chungus is my dad -“if the apocalypse happened what would you do” “eat bees” -I'm tired as fuck but I gotta wait until it's 4:20 to go to bed -mom: you need to be reasonable and wait two hours before having another brownie me, stuffing my mouth full of brownie: br o w n y s -This honey in whole foods is in fucking comic sans -it's more likely that I'll guess someone is gay before I remember the existence of women -im gonna say it again for the people in the back:

i eat bees -Thanos penis, it's actually called a thenis -yort -uwu its the mowst thorstiewst time of the yeaw uwu -It is I Teh gromc -The gronk is here to say eat all the dish soap in the house -the grinch but he's wearing crocs the entire time -answer my question or else i will establish sans porn -You make him doki doki uwaaaaa!!!! -birdbox but all the bird sounds are replaced by cardi b noises -THE GROMPK IS TOO POWERFUL -consume ocean sauce -square up in judge judys court -half consumes ocean sauce -ice juce -frick stick -you guys wanna read undertale fanfiction -2019- -it might be 2019 but thats not gonna stop me from terrorizing my family's groupchat -(pineapple voice) first date idea: digest eachother -Wait dennys will arrest you for doing illegal things?? -pls purify me -my toes are very succulent today -two succs having flex two succs having sex my muscles my muscles involuntarily checks -f u r r y , N a s h . -Perfect for all occasions! Spill something on your nice shirt, give a messy blowjob, and sphagetti!!! -Do you want cum on your nice shirt??? -it would be nice if i had cum on my shirt -cocc succ machine -I KNOW TONGUE JUTSU -I feel like i’m in a meat prison -hi you obese elephant -plant porn is just flowey porn -We all love the out of the box 4am messages we get -YOU LIKE SNAS PEEPEE

#shit my friends say #shitpost #please help me #sans #I guess???#theres a lot of sans sorry #too many about peepee #enjoy #please dont be offended #bees #thanos #so sorry

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dilfhakyeon-moved · 6 years

Note

please hit us with coffee shop au number 4 with ralbert 😩😩

Gang gang bitch I did it

Gonna add the tag list regardless bc hey I do… what I can

Warnings: some mentions of some nsfw stuff I guess uh, maybe language ? idk

It’d been quite a few times now, that this specific customer had been coming. Yes, a new “regular”, right ? At least that meant they were making money, Anthony clearly wasn’t about to complain about that. The guy was kinda cute too, wasn’t he ? He didn’t mind taking his order everytime he came in.

Or he wouldn’t mind, if that moron wasn’t giving a different name everytime, which was getting quite ridiculous.

What, he really had to write ‘Batman’ sometimes, that wasn’t something he enjoyed doing. Felt kind of stupid, like he was being played ; not once he had given his real name ( or at least the poor barista clearly doubted he’d gotten even one name right at this point ) and while it could be a fun game, he really… wanted to know what was the name of that ridiculously cute guy he saw come in more than once a week. Especially considering that guy was obviously doing it on purpose to bother him, he saw how he was being looked at ! He wasn’t stupid !

And since he wasn’t stupid, he’d decided to give it a shot and establish a strategy. Taking in account that guy had a schedule and only came on some days, he’d just hidden in the back room on a day he was meant to come, and… he did come !

But his disappointed, almost sad face as he realised the blond was nowhere to be seen, maybe it made him feel a little bad. But now he’d walked in, he couldn’t walk out without looking like an idiot. He was going to do the usual, and maybe give yet another different name ? Anthony listened closely from behind the door, but didn’t hear anything. Once the guy had gone to take a seat though, his coworker came to the back room and quickly the situation was sorted out.

He’d gotten the new name, but this time it felt like it was real. Poor guy probably didn’t want to mess with everyone, huh ? He’d just set his yes on that one specific twink and he’d decided it’d be so much goddamn fun to take his time. Unluckily, that one specific twink really wanted to spend time on him.

It was to say, he wasn’t the least attractive guy he’d met, right ? No, yeah, maybe he’d spent… quite some time just observing him from the counter, maybe he’d just gotten himself flustered with just how good he looked, these wild red curls framing his face so well, their hue somehow matching his dark brown eyes in warmth. They were so expressive too ; it was easy to read how mischievous he felt, or even what kind of day he’d been having. And all these beauty marks he’d managed to spot, they looked cute, didn’t they ?… his build, how frankly fit and even muscular he seemed to be, and… and his lips, they– they looked good, didn’t they ? They were soft - or that’s what he thought - and a nice pink, and… and, what if they happened to be pressed against - oh no, his skin ? No, no, his lips ? And his own lips, yes, Anthony’s, they could be wandering around that skin of his, and his hands racking through the mess that was his hair, and pulling on it when the redhead’s own hands were just perhaps, maybe–

Maybe that was too much and he really needed to stop being a creep, but everyone deserves to know his thoughts included cheesy romantic interactions ; well, how could he not picture himself having fun with a guy who was messing with him by never using his goddamn real name ? Maybe he’d just gotten himself a little turned on thinking about all this again, but he was also horny for cuddles and pretending they can dance tango. He won’t take constructive criticism.

“So, Albert.”

Before he’d even realised himself, he was sitting in front of… Albert. The grin on his face was quickly turning into a smirk, his freshly named friend was now giving him half of what could be called a death glare. He didn’t seem to upset though, his cheeks showed he was more flustered than anything else - which definitely got Race to laugh.

“What ‘bout that face, huh ? Did I insult you or what ?”

“There’s a reason I don’t use my name usually, jerk.”

“Yea, right, aside from playin’ with me ?”

Anthony leaned in his seat, eyebrows as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “It’s my break, you’re lucky, ain’t ya ?” He then added, like it was actually his break. It wasn’t. They didn’t even close in that long, it was just pretty dead at the moment and he enjoyed wasting time there.

“Real lucky, Anthony.”

“We finally get to talk, Albert.”

“We sure are talking, Tony.”

Ouch, a nickname already ? A shiver was sent down his spine. Yes, he was indeed absolutely weak for these, what could he say ! Not that he often got them anymore, but that only made it better. Or worse given the context, and maybe this time it’d be on the “worse” end of the stick. He just stuttered out an answer, which kind of sucked in itself.

“Right back at ya, … Albitch.”

Albert had to try really hard not to spit out his coffee as he heard that. Anthony could see it, and it wasn’t that it made him feel ridiculous, but… bleh.The next few minutes were just spent with them making eye contact constantly while the other was finishing his coffee. And once he was done, they stayed quiet for a little longer, just gazing into each other’s eyes. And maybe the blond was getting a bit lost in thoughts there again, but could he be blamed ? He was staring at this guy he’d been pretty much waiting to know for… months, at this point. THIS was ridiculous. He agreed he was a silly person in general, but he’d waited so long, it wasn’t even funny anymore.And in that time they just spent not talking, it just so happened it was time for the shop to close. Great, right ? No, okay, he was actually going to get to it, pretty boy…. hot guy could wait a little.

Fast forward to when the shop had finally closed, after his one coworker had taunted him about the quick looks he gave their good ol’ customer while the latter was just constantly staring at him… no, checking him out.

Everyone was out, and everyone’s favourite twink was now free to talk with his… acquaintance, who was leaning against the wall outside ( duh ).

“So, day’s ending.”

“Yea. Pretty cool, it was boring.” Act casual, yeah ?

“No plans tonight, I’m expecting ?”

Frankly, he’d have accepted it very easily, hadn’t Albert sounded like an ass about it. How dare he assume he didn’t already have a very good lover, or even friends, or… or that he wasn’t going to go out partying ?

“I mean, you’re working tomorrow too, so I figured.”

Ah, well. Fair, with that reasoning, he couldn’t deny it.

“Even though you don’t seem like the kind'a guy to do reasonable stuff.”

… Fair again. He was being insulted there, wasn’t he ? He had no argument against it, but at the same time it kind of made him feel bad, until he felt the other’s hand on his own. He blinked, and quite snapped back into reality instead of drifting away in his own thoughts.

“So I’m decidin’ I’m taking you out tonight. Sounds good ?”

Well, fucking sure it sounded good ! If he had to be going out after work with anyone, it better be with that goddamn chaotic redhead.

“Hopin’ it’s a date ‘cause I ain’t got money,” the blond eventually answered, his smile slowly making its way back to his face. “Don’t care about the place, by the way. Can’t be picky when you make coffee for a livin’.”

Once again getting a laugh out of Albert, he decided to properly hold his hand. Even if that meant his cheeks were more colourful just for a few.

“So we’re going on a date ?”

“Yea.”

“Anywhere ?”

“Don’t care.”

“Good, 'cause I don’t know where we’re going yet.”

“You’re stupid.”But he was quite happy with going on a date with that stupid guy.

Tag list:@well-the-kids-do-too@racetrackcook@i-got-personality@imjusttheoutgoingsidekick@thatfancyclam@we-dont-sell-papes@ben-cook-can-cook@not-your-cigar@fuckinviral@jackhasdreams@racescoronas@suddenly-im-respecsable@purplelittlepup@hopeful-broadwaybaby@broadwayandbookblog@crazymecjc@maiawakening

#ralbert #racetrack higgins #albert dasilva #newsies #androlomew writes stuff

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nyruratchet · 5 years

Text

Notes 4 - The Morning After

“People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

There are pills for straight couples to avoid pregnancy after a few moments of bliss, there are pills to help people stay safe from contracting HIV, there are pills to recorrect the chemical imbalance for people struggling with mental issues; there are pills for EVERYTHING, but no one has derived a magical pill to fix the pain one feels when forced to wake up the morning after valentine’s day alone.

Actually, this problem doesn’t just exist on Valentine’s day. But, seeing as how I’m perpetually single, I can attest to the fact that this day is the most painful (all other holidays come second). Just yesterday, someone asked a question, “yall fall in love with niggas y’all meet on apps??”

My response: Honestly, what are the other options? This is a legitimate question...

Him: Go meet someone in real life...apps aren’t real life! You don’t know that nigga til u see him. In real life, u see everything you as over and over on the app.

Me: You do (meet them), but those are the same guys on the apps. And no one gives you the time of day at bars, events, etc. So, ur stuck with friends of friends, coworkers (nope) and apps...really (WTF?)

Him: Idk who y’all meeting but niggs stay tryin to see wassup on the low when I’m out...especially the damn gym!

Now, I then had to check him and remind him that, just because YOU are so attractive and have thousands of followers that men just flock to you, THAT IS NOT the average gay man’s reality. Just recently a black man on Grindr says he doesn’t like black men. Only whites and latinos. Yep, this is the world I live in. So when you all think I’m crazy to think I’m not in someone’s league, please know there are factors in the chess game that I’m aware of that you have NO CLUE about. Being the darker brother in the gay community is not easy and constantly I am made to feel like I’m not worthy of inclusion in it. Being dark is not acceptable. Nor is being skinny. Nor is not having a BBC (which is all anyone seems to value from us). Nor is being open to love; I’ve been faulted way too many times for that tbh. Almost as many times as I’ve been skinny-shamed or considered fem. Guys in our community are looking more for TS girls than black men. Period. I see “girls” on Grindr far too much. THERE, I said what I said. Grindr’s way of dealing with this influx...ask me to list myself as a CIS man. NO THE FUCK I WILL NOT! I’m a man. These labels are too much. can’t meet men in bars or apps or work. So, let me know...HOW?

To lose my virginity I had to get on craigslist and whore myself out like a rentboy (no money involved) only to get this catfish older man to respond. I was 21 years old and saw this as my only chance before moving to NY. Guys throughout my life up until this point (as i wrote about in my last post) had been ignoring me. I was invisible in the world of gay sex. I might as well have been a eunuch or a monk. I was always the “friend”...still am. So, I took this less then adequate gentleman and let him penetrate me for the first time; give me my first kiss (yuck, it was awful); and teach me a few things. I thought, after this, I’ll never have to settle for less than I deserve...BOY was I wrong.

Back to the part about me being invisible for a moment. Throughout high school, people knew I was gay. I told a few guys and expressed interest and they paid me no attention. COME TO FIND OUT, my (at the time good) friend Jonathan, had slept with a quite a few of them. (Backstory, I fell for Jonathan, he spurned me too, we became great friends, he then transitioned into being a woman, and now we don’t really talk). So, When I found this out, I was devastated. TO THIS DAY, I will never understand why I was not enough. I was SOOOOO nice to these guys. Dustin used to get picked on in middle school, and I used to stand up for him. Nick was the most beautiful boy in the world in high school with a smile that could like up the darkest soul and I would always root for him, etc. But, I wasn’t who they wanted. I mean, You think I’m a good guy now, you should have known me back then. I was such a kind spirit. My soul is so dark now and I don’t think that will ever be rectified.

These next instances are the reasons I will never be untainted. THESE STORIES ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. If you don’t want to cry, feel sorry for me, or worry, stop reading now.

I have been abused mentally, physically, and emotionally. These stories are in sequential order.

When I was traveling once, I was drinking and felt like fulling one of my fantasies. I don’t remember why, but i know that I hadn’t been touched in a WHILE. And for a person who needs that, just a moment where someone can use you to “get off” is enough to make it through the night. One fantasy that is very popular in the gay community of being fucked by visitor who comes in the unlocked door and fucks you, then leaves after he finishes. No strings attached (NSA), photos presented beforehand (pics), usually some time of safeguards in place. I was new, and it was my fault. This guy sent me pictures on whatever app I was using, think it was Craigslist. He told me all his information, I told him where I was staying and said I’d be blindfolded, ready for him to fuck me when he walked in. As SOON as he walked in, I heard the door close and lock and I had a feeling something was wrong. He came up behind me, naked and grabbed my neck chokingly and SHOVED into me. And this guy’s body was WAY bigger than what he said. He was chub/stocky and nothing like what he had sent me. I tried to tell him to stop, that I didn’t want HIM. But clearly, he had done this before. And this was before catfishing was a THING. So, he wasn’t going to stop no matter how much I struggled. So, I resulted that this was a part of the “fantasy” that I had signed up for. I could NOT call this rape. I will never call that rape. Yes, someone lied to me, wouldn’t stop when I said so, but I was totally in the wrong here. I put myself in a situation to be taken advantage of by a stranger. That is one of the things that makes this fantasy so hot. Just happens in my case, that it went terribly awry, So, I went limp and let him finish. He left. I locked the door and took down the posting I had made. My throat was on fire and he had pulled my hair too hard. But he was gone and I was alone again.

Another time in a hotel room, laying over in Washington, Dulles I was getting ready for bed. I was hungry, so put my iphone on the charger, grabbed my food and went for the microwave on another floor. When I came back, my phone was charged enough to check my facebook. As soon as I opened it up, on my timeline it says “PAUL IS IN A RELATIONSHIP”. I said, wait...what? My Paul? the one who I helped move? The one I got a xmas tree for? The one I held while crying? The one I protected from himself? The one whose bed I was JUST in? The guy I had been talking to like every day? My heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn’t breathe. Now, I’m not nor have I ever been naive. We weren’t a couple. He wan’t mine. But I wanted him, made it known. He said lots of things that didn’t add up to much. But, I was in his life, so I accepted that until he could give me more. But when I saw THAT status. I LOST it! Why? because he had told me WORD FOR WORD: “I don’t want a relationship right now. I have some little twink guy from this broadway show who likes me, but I’m not interested.” I always did status checks to make sure I didn’t get blindsided. But alas, here I was despite all my effors. My body went NUMB. Tears ran down my face. I dropped to my knees and asked God or whomever was in charge of things WHY the FUCK was it not me?? Am I not cute enough? Am I too poor? Not successful enough? What did I do? I immediately texted my friend Ant and told her what was up and that I was ready to end it. Before I knew it, I was on a 3 way call. What no one knows is, at one point I was bathroom, in the tub, with a razor, a full bottle of advil, a bottle of wine to hopefully make the blood run faster. I had never contemplated killing myself. This was a knee-jerk reaction to someone I loved with every fiber of my being choosing to give his love to someone else who didnt even have to try! If he could throw me away after I gave all I had and more that I didn’t even know I had in me, and he STILL didn’t want me, how is anyone else gonna love/choose me? So, I was ready to end it. Cuz I knew, this would not be the last time this would happen; guys don’t seem to care who they hurt or how. Paul texted me and said he didn’t owe me any explanation “dude”. But my friends talked me down from that ledge I was prepping to jump off. I also was terrified of doing it. I didn’t know if it would even work. And I didnt want my family to go through that. Till this day, that is why I could never commit suicide. I do think about it, yes. My life sucks. And try as I may, I don’t see a reason for me being here. And yes, I’ve been to many therapists ever since college. Its not a problem that can be talked out. I suffer from depression that can only be assuaged by fixing the problem; the problem is my life. (love, money, music). So, I just try to keep on. I’m not bi-polar; although, sometimes I wish I were. That is a diagnosis that can be managed with medication. My life, cannot be managed. But I’m trying...I am trying.

Now, as I mentioned before, not a big fan of coworker dating/fucking/etc. HOWEVER, there are 2 people I have always said I’d try if I had the chance. Because they may be reading this (doubt it, but I will fight my petty urges), We’ll just call them Trip and Kurt. Now, Trip and I have been messaging off and on doing this whole cat and mouse thing for years. He winds up telling me he’s interested but we couldn’t tell anyone at work; which I agreed to. And would have tried to keep his confidence, FOR HIM. He is really against work relations as well. This all started with grindr and just escalated to us talking off and on. Finally one day, he texts ME and asks “Hey sexy, you in NY?” I wasn’t. Was working. But I never post my whereabouts on FBOOK so, the question was warranted. He said he really wanted to fuck. Our paths kept not being able to cross. So, LONG story short, I rearranged my schedule and we set up a “date” at his place when I got back. I was working a redeye. Told him I’d get home, run my errands take a quick nap and be over to make a full day of it. Trip agrees with everything. I do exactly what I say (I’m a Leo, it’s what we do. We’re consistent. We’re straight forward). I pick up a bottle of $20+ wine to show him I really give a shit and to be courteous because a good southern boy doesn’t arrive at someone’s house empty handed. I knew he had been done wrong and I wanted to put my first foot forward, even if it was just sex he wanted. I message him when I was on the way back home...no response. Ok, I wanna shower. Text him again...tells me he’s out. I say, “ok well just tell me when to head over. I’ll be at home” He says “ok sounds good baby.” Ok, so I take my hour nap so I don’t miss his text. (For me, you KNOW that is no small feat!) I get up and he still hasn’t messaged me. So I wait...and wait...and wait for 5 hours. Then I text him “Ok...well, headed to bed I guess. Hope you had a good night. (he’s scheduled to work the next day so I KNOW no late fun was happening) But beforehand, my spidey senses were tingling. So, I got on facebook. OH, he’s out living his best life! Fuck MY time right? Awesome. I had a drink then went to sleep. Next day, he messages me that he fell asleep after getting home. BOO, so...you left your friends (after you went out...yeah, I saw the check-ins), hopped a train, got home, and never NOT ONCE thought to text me to tell me a damn thing?! But you say “sorry” and I’m supposed to just accept that? No. I wanted you past the point of that barrier I placed up barring all guys I worked with. You just took a big dump on that AND made me feel shitty in the process. I took that bottle of white wine to the head by myself at some point btw...

Now Kurt, he’s special...I met him and was immediately entranced. To keep this one shorter, he also told me HE DIDNT WANT TO DATE ANYONE. Guys need to stop telling these motha fuckin lies! Ok, so I’ll be your friend. But I really like him. So, I’m minding my own business and facebook again notifies me, Kurt is in a relationship. OH? with WHOM? Oh! someone we work with? Someone you met AFTER ME?! Interesting...now, when this boy confessed a secret to me, I was totally loving and told him my past experiences and that he’s and amazing person, etc. So, the next time we work together, I don’t mention his new BF. He brings it up and explains how and why he fell for him. WOULDNT YOU KNOW IT, the boyfriend said the same thing I did about his secret but just BEFORE he happened to conceal it. I tried so hard not to roll my eyes when he told me that. It was like a smack in the face. If you don’t think I’m cute, just say that. But don’t talk about how someone’s heart won you over. Cuz I was here loving on you before. I went back up to my room (tipsy) turned on some Aaliyah and cried myself to sleep. I am never gonna be enough for these boys/men. I saw that now. Paul had recently resurged and re-exited my life after telling me he loved me. I WAITED for that! He was the first man to ever say those words. And they were supposed to mean something! And shortly after...he ghosted me again. So, I’m feeling pretty worthless at this point.

No matter what I do, I’m never good enough. I keep trying to be the best me and there is always someone there saying, nah...this other dude is better. Swipe left. “Thank you, Next” (I don’t like Ariana Grande btw.) I have this fear that when I’m old, some guy I’ve loved forever will find me and say, I married someone else. He’s gone now, he did me wrong. We can be together now. Like I’m only going to be someone’s choice after their first choices have bit the dust. That is NOT okay with me.

So, here I am on Valentine’s day trying to explain to all of you who have someone to “come home to”. EVEN if you don’t like Vday, do not pretend that this day doesn’t matter or make people feel a certain way. I’m alone AND I’m lonely. Don’t tell me I shouldn’t feel this unless you tell me how to not feel that way; and your explanation better not involve friends. Sorry, friends have their own issues and while checking in and venting is great, they can’t be your life support. They can’t help you take care of your heart. Especially if they are married, have kids, etc. You’re the single 3rd wheel.

I tried to take myself to the movies. The movies I wanted were all sold out by couples. Dinner, tables full. So, I ate leftovers from yesterday’s dinner I cooked and am halfway through this bottle of wine. You cannot fault a person for wanting love. Finding it may have been somewhat easy/happenstance for you. And I try not to fault YOU for that. Everything has been hard for me. Literally, everything. That’s the only reason I’m still here. Because when something happens, I yell, scream, vent, handle it like Olivia Pope, then continue on. No one is there at night when i lay down. No one said Happy Valentine’s day to me today. No one is gonna smile at me when i wake up in the morning. Nope, I have to survive my morning after by myself. No pill in hand to help.

“Children needing other children, yet letting our grown-up pride hide all the need inside...acting more like children, than children.”

#valentines #love #unrequited love #dating #relationships #wine #sexy #fantasy #blog #broadway #feelings #mental health #survival

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the-art-pile · 6 years

Text

The Golden Boy

Ship: Ryan Haywood/ Gavin Free (Freewood)

Word Count: 1,999

Prompt: Gavin has the whole crew wrapped around his finger. His words flutter around them and they do as they command. Why would they deny their golden boy?

Notes: This started as a kind of character study of my favorite headcanon of Golden Boy!Gavin and turned into a self-indulgent Freewood thing that makes no sense. Anyway, enjoy!

AO3

Most of the other crews and gangs saw Gavin as a side piece, an accessory that the Fakes lugged around, and who could blame them? At meetings, he hung off Geoff’s arm and simpered. He crooned into Geoff’s ear about wanting something and later others would seem him with said item, whether it be some sort of jewelry or fancy gadget. Some tried to use that little detail to their advantage, a way to hit the Fakes at their weak spot but little did they know, Gavin wasn’t a weak spot, and every other crew had to learn this the hard way.

Their first mistake was assuming that Gavin was Ramsey’s twink. To be fair to them, the evidence they were presented with gave them no indication that he wasn’t. In meetings, Gavin was plastered to Ramsey’s side. He would stroke his hand up and down his chest and fan his eyelashes up to the kingpin. A picture of sinful innocence. They never realized it was an act. They watched as the blonde-tipped male flirted with the leader. None of the others of the crew made any movement of discomfort at the display and a couple would roll their eyes in annoyance. They were none the wiser.

When the Fakes first started up, it was just Ramsey, Pattillo, and the Golden Boy. They watched as the Golden Boy earned his name. His finery becoming finer with each successful heist, and jaws dropped when the golden pistol made its appearance. Reports of Ramsey appearing in the jewelry shops starting springing up, and they were surprised to find that it wasn’t to case them, but a legitimate purchase. The procured items soon making an appearance on the Golden Boy. Thus, the idea of the Golden Boy being a sugar baby and Ramsey his sugar daddy was born.

This idea was shut down immediately by those that spent an iota of time with the Fakes. Whether it be a gun for hire or held for interrogation, these people tried to dissuade the rumors. Many even claiming that Ramsey wasn’t even the leader. They yelled about how it was the Golden Boy. Gavin was the one who pulled the strings, but no one believed them. To them, Gavin was simply the Golden Boy, a glorified kept boy.

When Mogar joined the Fakes, people were understandably afraid as he was a known pyromaniac, but at the same time, their fears were quelled as the arsonist would be on a leash under Ramsey. They were fucking wrong. If Mogar and the Golden Boy were seen within an inch of each other during a heist you fucking ran if you knew what was good for you. A well-placed word or two from the Golden Boy and suddenly the building was exploding and you were watching your hopes and dreams die. If you had made it out that is.

If you saw the two at a bar, your alcohol intake dropped drastically. You weren’t having a good time anymore. You’re cautious and watchful, waiting for the newbies that don’t know any better. You see the nudge and the whisper and suddenly Mogar’s eyes are burning. It’s 5 v 1 and the five are losing. No one intervenes. The fight only stops when the others are unconscious or the Golden Boy decides the fun is out of the moment. He then takes Mogar by the arm and saunters out.

If you receive a report of the Golden Boy and Pattillo being seen, you avoid the streets. There’s no telling when one of the speed demons will come flying around the corner. Or even come in guns blazing with a new attack chopper. There were no restraints on the two.

Monster trucks barreled down the roads. A jet swoops too close for comfort. No vehicle or location is entirely safe while the Golden Boy and Pattillo are out.

Most outside the crew didn’t see the effect the Golden Boy has on Rimmy Tim. They only saw the aftermath. The ever-changing rainbow of hair. The reduced amount of words one week that was later met with the rumor that he had basically fried the inside of his mouth with sour candy,

The list went on. Little dares and bets that Gavin would present to Jeremy and would accept with little hesitation. Gavin knew not to go too far, but he couldn’t help but test it once or twice. See how far he could push the purple and orange man.

He wasn’t disappointed with the results.

Most can’t pick up on the Golden Boy and Vagabond dynamic. Even the crew couldn’t until it was thrust into their face. Gavin’s hypotheticals and seemingly idiotic questions were met with groans and eye rolls from the other members of the crew, including the Vagabond. There were those times though when the crew saw the Vagabond’s eyes sparkle a bit and suddenly he and Gavin were at each other's throats debating the everything to do with the little question. Multiple times the rest of the crew feared they were going to have to stop Ryan from killing Gavin. What shocked them the most was they would be in the middle of an intense verbal battle when would say some inane line, and they’d both stop, laugh, then go their separate ways while the crew stood blinking in awe.

They all knew that Gavin had all of them wrapped around his ring clad fingers, even Ryan. They could be driving somewhere for a heist, nothing going wrong, a simple peaceful ride. A motorcyclist would appear aways in front of them, and Gavin would lean over, hand caressing Ryan’s arm. A ‘please’ pressed to the mask covered ear and suddenly the cyclist was pasted across the window and hood of the car. The rest of them would laugh at the poor man’s demise, but they’d miss the knowing smirk pasted across their Golden boy’s face.

No one really questioned why Ryan listened to Gavin, seeing as they all did it. Blinded by their own trapping, they missed the gentle touches and whispered words before both disappeared. Later, they’d assume they were just hooking up, something they didn’t put past Gavin. No one visited Gavin’s or Ryan’s apartment, if they did, they’d realize they didn’t have a separate apartment. They lived together. In a house. With two cats and a dog, that the neighbor girl was all too enthusiastic to watch when they got busy. In fact, the couple was well liked in their neighborhood, and the crew never knew about it till they were forced to bunker down there one day. They soon learned that Ryan and Gavin had each other wrapped around their fingers, with silver bands.

~ “FUCKING GET DOWN!”

“WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY!”

The heist had been going well. The stealth part had gone phenomenal, the rest following through with their parts perfectly. That was until another crew showed up. They knew too much about their whereabouts with the heist meaning that they had to take care of a mole once they got out of this situation.

In a bullet-riddled vehicle, the crew is screaming through their coms. Talks about where to go as they race down the streets, a few of them being bandaged as the conversation goes on. If they had a mole, they obviously couldn’t go to any of their safe houses. They were probably already compromised. The talks turned to going to someone’s apartment. Michael vetoed his, as it was mostly just a front for civilian life and he mostly stayed at the penthouse. Geoff and Jack obviously lived at the penthouse. Jeremy had an apartment and volunteered, but was shot down because it was too small. They then turned to Gavin. He liked to spend money and the crew was assuming that he probably spent tons of money on some sort of bachelor pad. Their questioning leads to a blushing Gavin.

“Um, Ry? Can we fit everyone?”

“Probably, though they might have to bunk together in the guest rooms.”

This lead to them freaking out because holy shit they live together?! The long drive to their neighborhood brought up even more frantic questioned that was simply met with a silent Gavin and Ryan. When Ryan stops them in front of their house, the two turn to the crew and sigh.

“You’re gonna have to wait a bit until you can come in. We had a dinner party planned with the neighbors, plus we gotta pay the babysitter.”

“YOU HAVE KIDS!?”

“Furry kids, yeah,” Ryan snorts, “Hope no one is allergic to cats or dogs.”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“No Geoff, I’m fucking Gavin, very lovingly I might add.”

Four hours later and Gavin and Ryan return to the vehicles, dressed up and smelling of home cooked food. The crew watches as they wave at some of the people down the street before ushering them inside. What greets is so domestic that some of them feel like they stepped through a portal into an alternate reality. They can see the touches of Gavin and Ryan respectively throughout the humble abode. There’s a cat curled up in an armchair and one staring down at them from the cabinets. The giant ass dog that bounces up to them makes them all recoil. The animal bowls through them in excitement.

“THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

“This good girl is Strudel. The lazy ass is Pancake, and the lurker is Raspberry.”

“Why are your animals named after food?”

“Why not.”

Lindsey descends on Pancake, causing purring to overlay the current conversation. Slowly the crew settles down and Raspberry comes down from her perch to be pet after a bit. The panic of the earlier ambush seems to be completely gone now and a different panic sets in. Geoff is the one that breaks the silence.

“Since when did you two live together?”

“I think we’re coming up on seven years.”

Any and all movement that had been occurring grinds to a halt at that.

“We, uh, we’ve only been a crew for, um, three years?”

Simultaneously, Ryan and Gavin raise their left hands, displaying matching silver bands. There’s no sound for a second or two before suddenly they all break out screaming and yelling, a few going over to the pair to examine the jewelry more closely.

“Kinda surprised you guys didn’t know… I mean we were in the newspaper and on the news for a few days after our wedding because someone wanted Ry dead, and shot it up with a bunch of hired guns. News crews were hounding us for weeks.”

“THAT WAS YOU GUYS!? I WAS FUCKING ON THAT JOB!”

“Small fucking world, huh?”

“Can we go back to the fact that they’re fucking married?”

“Yeah, the fuck you guys?”

“Well, we obviously started by dating.”

“No fucking shit.”

“Gav was just a hacker when we met, but he still had a mouth on him. We both were freelancing and got hired for the same job, and just kinda clicked? We’d meet up outside work and stuff. It was kinda an unspoken thing that we were dating, and then about a year after meeting, I proposed. Moved here, adopted our kids, became the token gay couple here, met you guys… Short and sweet.”

“Why the fuck did you act like you haven’t met before when we brought you into the crew?”

“Eh, just a game we like to play.”

“YOU SPENT ALMOST A YEAR AT THE PENTHOUSE CAUSE YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T HAVE A HOME?!”

“Again, little game. Gotta spice life up sometimes, and Ryan and I may have been fighting at one point during that and I stayed at the penthouse as a way to cool off.”

“Un-fucking-believable.”

“You try living with his snore denying ass and then tell me that living in the penthouse wasn’t justified. Took a fucking sleep study to convince him to buy snore strips.”

“This is too fucking domestic for me. Show me where I’m sleeping.”

#freewood #fake ah crew #fanfic #FAHC #fahc!Jack #fahc!Ryan #fahc!Geoff #fahc!Michael #vagabond #ragehappy #golden boy gavin #my writing #fahc!Jeremy

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your-fantasy-alive · 6 years

Text

Divide-Pt1

(Blonde haired Jin for this story. Ignore the Mic please.)

“Hey, cuckoo, get up, its lunch time”

“My name is Jin” I say, sitting up, walking to my cell door and sticking my hands through the slots, allowing him to put cuffs on my wrist.

“Right cuckoo, let’s go.” He then says as he opens the squeaky jail cell door pulling me by my arms, slowly guiding me down the stairs till we finally reach the landing with the other inmates. Apparently, I can’t be around anyone else because they think I’d kill them or something.

If I wanted to kill them, I would’ve by now

“You know, birds are very beautiful. The cuckoo bird especially with their very unique sound.”

“YOU PSYCHO MOTHERFUCKER”

“YOU DESERVED TO DIE NOT GO TO JAIL’

“WHEN THEY LET ME OUT OF THIS CELL, YOU’RE DYING”

“Wow, they are all kind of loud don’t you think?” I say, as I look along the rows of inmates.

I’m searching for a specific person, the one who threatened me. Once we make eye contact, I smirk.

“Don’t you smirk at me you crazy motherfucker. Just wait till I get out.” He said, trying to reach out and grab me. I stop right in front of his cell, causing the guard to stop with me.

“Hey cuckoo, we gotta go. No stopping.” He says, trying to pull me along. I elbow him in the stomach, making him crouch and hold his stomach, letting my arms go. I then slowly walk right up to the cell with my new friend in it.

“What’s your name friend?” I asked, gazing at his face, seeing the scar in his left eyebrow, the mole under his bottom lip, the horrible haircut.

“You don’t need to know my name, all you need to know is my face. “

“Why is that?” I ask, tilting my head to the side, gazing into his dirty brown eyes.

“Because this is the last face you’re going to see before you die” he says, sneering at me.

I could feel the blood boiling under my skin by the threat thrown at me. How dare this piece of shit threaten me? I then walk all the way till I’m nose to nose with him, my hands holding the bars in a grip, wishing it was his throat.

“What way is that to talk to someone. I’d really hate to see something happen to you in here.” I say, lowly. I gaze back to see my guard starting to stand back on his feet and make his way towards me.

“You’re dying in here” he says back, and spits in my face.

I raise my hands and wipe the spit from my face, feeling such anger that I haven’t felt since I last killed someone. I could feel it swallowing me whole, but I can’t let it, I have plans for him.

“I just might die in here but not before you do.” I say, and I feel the guard drag me back. I then start laughing. “By the way, my name is Jin. Remember that name. It’s the last name you’ll plead to. Mark my words, I have a lot more fun when I have someone who thinks they can win. Lets play” I say, laughing at the fear I see leaking into those nasty eyes. Oh how I wish they were gazing blindingly, no warmth at all.

“This is the last warning for you cuckoo, you do anything else and you’re going in the hole.” My guard says as he grabs my arm with one hand and the back of my neck with the other, dragging me away from new friend.

“You have one more time to call me cuckoo and I’ll stick that bat so far up your ass that’s all you’ll be screaming. One more time” I leer at him making him grip my neck harder and push me through the doorways, towards the cafeteria. Once inside, he grabs my hands and unlocks the handcuffs.

“Don’t do anything stupid Cuc- Jin” he corrects himself at the end. He then walks away and stand on the furthest wall with the other guards that are on lunch duty.

I rub my wrist as I make my way into the line. I grab the ugly orange tray and a plastic fork. I then go and stand behind a guy who looks to be about a head shorter than me. He has the greasiest black hair that I’ve ever seen. Slowly the line starts to move and I can make out what there is for lunch. It’s… mystery meat... and broccoli, with a orange and some water.

“Great cuisine we have here” I say out loud, staring at the bubbling…meat?

As I slowly make my way through this line, I hear people whispering about me from all ends of the room. Its crazy how you could kill a couple people and then all of a sudden become a house hold name.

Is this considered a household?

I then feel someone tap my shoulder to bring me back from zoning out. It was greasy haired dude.

“She asked if you wanted an extra orange.” He says, pointing to the older lunch woman.

“Oh, actually yes please, do you have salt as well?” I ask her, trying to complete my dining tray.

“Salt? You actually think that a jail is gonna have salt for you all? Who the hell do you think you are? No wonder your crazy ass is in here.” Said the lady, then she walks away from her post to the back of the kitchen.

“You could’ve just said no” I say, pouting by how rude she was to me.

“You of all people are pouting in jail? Never thought I’d see the day.” Says, greasy hair boy.

“What’s wrong with pouting, it’s a normal thing to do, am I wrong?” I asked, as our line starts to move

“Not from a serial killer it isn’t’”

“I’m still a person,” I exclaim, gripping my tray

“A person who kills people….. for fun. Yay for humanity.” He says, slowly walking away from me, to find a seat in the overly crowded jail.

I then get out of line, and look for myself a seat, somewhere far away from all these annoying people.

I find a seat in the very back, by the locked window and stair case that leads back to our cells. I slowly start to eat and gaze out the window, wondering where all my time has gone.

“It seems to me that we have another crazy person on our hands. Hey cuckoo, what’s ya name?” some nasty burly guy as, as he makes his way to my table, pulling me out of my reverie.

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked.

“I asked for you name cuckoo. Do you not understand English now?” he asked loudly, catching the attention of in mates that were the closest to us.

“Well if you must know, my name is Jin. I’m surprised that you don’t know it.” I say, blinking up at him.

“Do you think you’re famous now cuckoo?” he asked, making my eye twitch.

“You know, I really hate that word uh….. What is your name again, I didn’t catch that.” I say, sizing him up finally.

I wonder how much it’ll take to kill him with a lunch tray, he looks small maybe if I..

“You didn’t catch it because I never said it cuckoo.” He said, making me realize that he was actually holding a conversation with me.

“ I told you that I don’t like that name yet you still call me that. “

“Maybe its because I don’t care about you or what you say. I just wanna know the little twink that I’ll be fucking tonight”

“Ill cut off your dick and shove it up your ass if you think that’s happening” I say, my voice becoming low and hard.

“Oh really?” he says, slowly inching up to me and my table where I was enjoying my beautiful view.

“I don’t think you want that now do you? Id rather not make you just like every other victim I’ve had. I’m trying to be a good boy from now on but don’t test me. I’ll make you swallow your shit, figuratively and literally. Don’t”

I then see greasy hair dude walk up and place his hand on shittymouth’s shoulder.

“Hey, there is no need to be trying to dominate people around here right, I’m sure one of your hoes will gladly take you right?” He says, distracting shitty mouth.

While he is distracted I slowly break my plastic spoon and rub it against the table, until I get a nice sharp point.

“I don’t want my hoes, I want him. Ill get him either way.” He says, turning back around to face me.

“ I don’t think you want that” Greasy says, trying to pull him away.

“I want him, and Ill have him, Isn’t that right cuckoo”

Once I heard that word once more I saw red. My arm swung out and cut his wrist and then I stabbed the fork straight down into his left had and grabbed him by his collar, getting us nose to nose. Before he could scream, greasy covers his mouth with his hands, making it seem like he had his arm around his shoulder while we talk.

“I can kill you in a thousand different ways and I can make sure you’re alive until I want you dead. I have time to waste and I can add you on the long list of people who I’ve taken off the earth with no regrets. I could make you MY bitch if we want to get technical. So, I repeat, don’t. Are we clear, nod if you understand me” I say, as I slowly grind the spoon in his hand.

He nods his head quickly while tears run down his face

“What type of rapist cries from pain? Don’t you realize that you cause this to your victims? Or can you not take what you dish out? I hate those type of criminals.” I say, yanking my spoon out of his hand.

He then grabs his hand and stumble away to his little posse in the back while greasy sits across from me at my table. I slowly take my seat, thinking that he was gonna send someone to retaliate but didn’t

“Bitch”

“Hey, Jin, I’m not sure you’re being a ‘good boy’ by fucking his hand up. He probably wont ever be able to jack off now” Greasy says, trying to lighten up my mood,

“Hey, seriously though, calm down. The guards are eyeing us right now.”

“I know, that doesn’t make me feel any different. I want to kill them too” I say, as I finally gaze at him in his eyes.

“See, maybe we need to teach you how to push those feelings aside, it’s not healthy.”

“Are you trying to joke about my urges? I could easily kill you too….whats your name?”

“Jimin.”

“well Jimin, my time out is up. I’ll see you the next time I’m out for lunch or something” I say, as I see my guard heading my way.

“Does this make us friends?” He asked, with glassy eyes.

“ No, It makes you a potential victim.” I say, smirking down at him, hoping he caught my joke.

“Oh, look who makes jokes now…..that was a joke right?” he says, getting nervous.

I stand up as my guard grabs my arms and cuff me.

“You tell me” I says as I get pulled away.

“Im hoping that was a joke. Im too young to die.”

“That’s what they all say”I mutter as I make my way back towards my cell. I pass the same group of people as I did on my way but this time, they’re all silent as I make my way to the top floor , my cell. The only cell on the floor.

I go in and turn, letting him take the cuffs off of my wrists.

“Lights out” he says, then turns to go back to the normal floors.

I make my way over to my cot and lay down. It’s just now dawning on me that I’m spending the rest of my life in here. Its crazy how you could kill a few people and people think you’re so horrible. I killed the rapists, the pedophiles, the worst people on the Earth for the good of the Earth. How come the government does the same things that I do but I get in trouble for it. They say that they are doing the right thing, but so am I. I have saved people from molestation and abuse yet I’m the bad one. I help people’s lives.

I stare up at the ceiling and slowly start to recite my favorite quote.

“I am the punishment of god…if you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.”

I look at the four walls as I slowly fall asleep in my cell that night.

“This is only the beginning”

I didn’t realize how right i was.

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