Update - 3rd year anniversary! (and some future plans, a reflection, etc.)

Hi everyone! π here.

By the time this post is up, it'll be the 13th of May. Three years since I began my writing journey and this Tumblr blog. Three years. Time flies by so fast. I was close to graduating senior high after it was delayed because pandemic, had my graduation in an empty room basically, now I'm hitting my third year of college. Crazy stuff.

With that said, here are the stats + timetable of the blog so far:

First work: Sandwich (Wendy) (published 05/13/21, 4:03 a.m)

Highest note count: Tell your friends (Yujin x Wonyoung) (published 01/14/23, 1274 notes)

Number of works published: 91 fics (1 fic every 12.03 days)

500 followers: June 18, 2021 (36 days)

1000 followers: October 12, 2021 (152 days)

2000 followers: June 18, 2022 (401 days)

3000 followers: November 12, 2022 (548 days)

4000 followers: May 22, 2023 (740 days)

5000 followers: December 18, 2023 (950 days)

Current follower count: 5615 (1 new follower every 5.12 days)

It's been a hectic final month of college, so I apologize for the lack of activity in recent times :< But summer is coming up very soon, so hopefully I'll have all the time in the world to write more till then! I will say, a new fic is on the near horizon, so please be on the lookout!

I would like to take the opportunity to thank every single of you, whether reader, lurker, or a fellow writer for your support! Especially during these lull times, your unwavering support has kept me afloat and has been a motivation in continuing to write. Love you guys as always. Here's to another fruitful year <3

From this point, this part will be an overall reflection and life summary of the previous year, my thoughts on some personal matters, and some ideas I've been contemplating. If you don't wanna read this, you can stop here.

I miss 2023 quite a bit, not gonna lie. I know nostalgia can quickly grow warm and fuzzy, seeing the past through rose tinted lens, but I'll admit that 2024 hasn't been off to the start I envisioned it to be. That year was mostly peak for me, and I could even argue it's my favorite year to live out based on all my experiences. Traveling to new places, finally attending live events, interacting with my K-pop biases, and so on—it really felt like the best was yet to come with how 2023 flowed and transitioned into the new year.

Five months in, and I am struggling. Horribly. Most plans, dreams, and ideas have gone up in smoke, and it's just one devastating gut punch after another. I have a shitty professor in one major that basically made me check out of that class, and I don't know my family will react when I tell them I have to repeat said class because that professor was a dick. My family's been infighting on a daily basis, and I'm mostly collateral damage to them. Not one week can go by without some serious confrontation between them. There was a brief health scare with my mother, but that seems to be a nothing matter; thank God she'll be okay.

All this just makes life so deflating, in all honesty. I get that no life is without struggle, but I genuinely don't know when we'll be in the clear. Not anytime soon, I reckon. In these tough times, there's very little comfort except the past, when everything was pretty all right for the most part. It's been demotivating to write when mom comes forward with another grievance with my sister. It's hard to write when you have a professor who likes to power trip their students into submission. It's hard when you don't know how to admit to your mother that he failed his one class because of said power tripping professor.

But that doesn't mean I will let it eat me alive. I know we've been through some utter lows in the past. And we always get back up. If no one has us, then God does.

Summer break is fast approaching and I want to fix things. Even in my own little way. I know none of what I'm saying has anything to do with writing degenerate stories about hot K-pop idols, but real life circumstances have definitely affected me more than I can brush off. I should be calm, unfazed, undeterred.

After all, some stories are meant to be finished. They just take a more unconventional route. Ask Cody.

With all that being said, I will finish these commissions over the next two months. I'm really sorry to everyone who requested and paid for their stories months and months ago; I genuinely feel bad for not getting these out on time, but I am very mindful of quality control, and I have no one to blame but myself for being a slacker and lazy worker. Despite my feelings, I should remain professional—that's what being a worker means.

A lifestyle overhaul is definitely in my list of things to improve over the summer too. Figuring out how to get writing done, finding ways to alleviate my PokeRogue addiction (GOTY), whilst having a healthy work/life balance and not losing my sanity over it. Or worse, burning out.

And I want to take this opportunity to thank all my friends—peach, caps, majorblinks, chunk, frisky, raf, c.o, levi, sins, iz, ken, v1n, ddeun, notions, kevin, eros, brandon, kaede, svn, frisky, cray, rpg, prael—for putting up with my shit for another year. This life is tough, but you guys make it tolerable. Thank you for letting me air out my grievances even when it wasn't the best time to. I pray that when everything passes, I'm able to repay you all in some shape or form generously.

And to you, dear reader, for making it this far, thank you. Whether you've been with me since day one, or day 1094, as a commenter, reposter, liking, or just passing by/lurking, thank you for giving me a chance. Without you, all of this would have been for nothing. I don't know where I would be now if I didn't take that chance, that leap of faith back in 2021, and it's because of you I am able to keep doing this for the love of the game.

With grace,

Peter / π

PSA: If you are depressed and/or suffer from a chronic illness for longer than a short amount of time,peole will grow tired of you and leave you. So you either have to fake being well or die of loneliness :)

SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW — act I, scene v

nonidol!hwang intak x f!reader

when summit poster boy hwang intak's car breaks down in the school parking lot, it sets off a chain of events that leads to you, someone he was perhaps always meant to find. the only problem is that the two of you are far from the ideal couple, and your peers are apt to keep that status quo.

▷ genre, chapter warnings. s2f2l, classism and discrimination, forbidden romance au, minimal swearing, angst, humor, mentions of grief and terminal illness, written in third person pov

▷ word count. 2.8k

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a/n: whenever i come back to this series, i remember how hard it is to write it

SUMMER (RISING SENIORS).

Yn had not sent a picture back to Intak. In fact, she hadn't even opened his messages. Intak couldn't decide which was worse—being left on "read" or on "delivered." Both were equally quite horrible, but as the day went on with radio silence from her end, he continuously had to remind himself that she had responsibilities and a life. She couldn't be at his beck and call, and she certainly wouldn't ever entertain the idea of being so.

But one little text would have eased his mind. Just one, little text.

Intak flopped onto the couch in the living room of his house, the entirety of which remained just as cold and empty as it always was. In a way, the quiet was good because it meant that his father wasn't home, taking with him that thick, haunting presence of his. Intak sometimes imagined that he walked around with a massive cloud of fog clinging to his legs and feet, and that image had engraved itself into his head since he was an adolescent, more so now that his father's murky fog would soon consume Intak in all of those heavy expectations.

He lifted his phone up to catch a glimpse of the time. He would have to leave for that one dance class soon, the one that he and his friends had signed up for together to occupy themselves during the summer. If Intak wasn't forced to take over the company after his schooling, he would be dancing, or maybe even reading shit, like proper literature, and writing poetry about dead older brothers and forbidden friendships with strangers who felt closer to him than his own family.

He was tempted to text Yn just to check in. Something like 'hey bff i'm bored as hell and sad as fuck hbu' or 'miss u and worried about u text me back?' or god forbid, 'i've been trying to imagine what u look like but i have a feeling a picture won't do u justice.' God, he really needed to stop watching those cursed romcoms when he was bor—

Bzzzzz. Bzzz. Bzzzz.

Intak leapt out of his skin in surprise.

He reached into his pants pocket to withdraw Jaehyuk's phone. The notifications from Yn came in rapid succession at the top of the screen:

yer a wizard yn!: sorry i went mia for like a day

yer a wizard yn!: smth came up

yer a wizard yn!: cute pic btw :') ig i owe u a pfp too

yer a wizard yn!: *sent a photo*

Intak held his breath, then forced himself to turn away from the phone screen. Was he ready for this? Was he ready for her reveal? This felt like an invasion of privacy, especially with how carefully she kept her identity hidden the first few weeks they'd been texting each other. It hadn't been until recently that Yn had begun to let him learn things about her.

It wasn't like he forced her though… right? It was out of her own want and will. It was her choice and he—

He was going to fully indulge in that.

Intak finally opened up the full chat to view the messages she'd sent.

And lo and behold, there she was. It was a casual selfie, seeming to be taken in front of a window by the way the sun shone over her face in a gold-colored glow. She wore a dark T-shirt with a logo Intak couldn’t quite make out from the way her arms and hair were positioned. In fact, he could only see about half of her face from the way she hid the lower half behind her pulled-up knees. But her eyes crinkled enough that he could see that she was smiling.

The soft smile on his face was a stark contrast to the sharp palpitations of his heart in his chest. Before, he could never imagine the face he was speaking to across the phone—rather, it had always just been a person with blurred features. Now that he could put a face to the name, and the voice, and the character…

Intak saved the picture and set it as Yn’s contact photo. He wondered if he should have even been doing this since Jae didn’t even have a contact photo saved for her. (But now that she had sent it, it wasn’t like Intak was going to resist setting that photo as her contact, especially since it was an excuse to stare at it while he was texting her.)

jae’s phone: that photo is not fair that’s like… half ur face dude >://// /j

jae’s phone: but thank uuuuuuu i KNEW u were cute

He chewed on his bottom lip, quickly adding onto his previous texts since it seemed like Yn wasn’t going to reply back any time soon.

jae’s phone: ik ur the one who suggested swapping photos, but i hope u didn’t feel obligated to. ik u were never super comfortable w sharing personal info abt urself w me, but i’m genuinely really happy to get to know u better

jae’s phone: lol idk y that got kinda sappy ? but i hope everything’s good on ur end!!

jae’s phone: i’ve gotta go to a dance lesson rn tho so ttyl ynieee!!!!

Intak sighed as he forced himself to click out of his and Yn’s direct messages, and to haul his ass off the couch. He had, at multiple instances, contemplated why he felt so attached to Yn. Perhaps it was because she was so close to his brother and this truly was just his own kind of closure. Or it was something else, too.

Yn's eyes burned holes through the notifications that sat at the top of her phone screen. It had been several hours since Intak had sent them, and she knew exactly what they said. She'd even mentally written out and sent several replies, but never physically carried them out. She just couldn't bring herself to do it.

The heavy weight that had settled on her chest from a day ago still rested there. Usually, privileged shit Summit kids did to her and in front of her were annoying, but she'd learned to grow thick skin. She didn't know why this time affected her so poorly. Then again, the fact that neither Jongseob nor Shota had gotten over it could have contributed to her own mood, too.

Her brothers in arms had been quiet since then, barely speaking unless necessity prevailed. The shop had never been so quiet before, and even when customers and neighbors came by with a friendly word or joke, they would force a smile onto their faces or a laugh from their throats. She could hear the strain, the grudge and emotions tugging at the corners of their mouths.

"If I had the money…" Yn remembered hearing Jongseob muttering under his breath the night of the incident. She knew exactly what he was thinking then and there. All the bitterness in the negative space.

They'd all grown to have thick skin, but it was bound to crack at some point. They weren't made of steel, after all.

After a long, grueling day at the shop, Yn, Shota, and Jongseob returned to Yn's house to wash up for the evening. The walk home had been quiet, and she'd been itching to reach for her phone and finally open up Intak's messages…

She cleared her throat. "Go get cleaned up and meet me in the living room," she voiced aloud to the two of them as she unlocked the front door.

Jongseob grunted, "Why?"

"We're watching Clueless."

Shota let out a snort as Jongseob threw his head back in a loud groan. "You're shitting me. Any other movie than that one, Yn. We've watched that, like, fifteen times."

With her back still to them, she could let herself smile just a little. All she had been looking for was that reaction from him. "Okay, well, if you can be on the couch in fifteen minutes, then you can choose a different—"

She hadn't even finished what she was saying when the two of them bolted past her, exclaiming at each other as they raced for access to the closest bathroom. Yn laughed under her breath, nudging the door closed behind her with the toe of her shoe. She hadn't even been sure whether or not the two would stay here with her or not since they basically stayed shut up in the old extra bedroom instead of hanging out. Though they would have been in the house, it had sounded like no one else was home.

But now? Yn made her way into the kitchen to get dinner started. Hopefully she could get something on the stove by the time one of them hopped out of the shower. Knowing Jongseob though…

She estimated that it was about five minutes later that Jongseob's elephant stomps sounded down the hall, nearing the living room and kitchen at high speed. Seconds later, a blur of orange and white launched himself over the back of the couch. As she expected, it was Jongseob with that freshly showered glow, damp hair, and a white towel hanging around his shoulders.

Her amused gaze clashed with his, and though his face was pressed into a deadpan, she saw the glimmer in his irises. He told her, "We're watching Star Wars."

Yn grinned. "Deal's a deal, kid."

Right on cue, Shota came sliding into the living room with his dampened locks tied up and out of his face with a Hello Kitty hair tie he no doubt found in the drawers of the bathroom. She wondered how he found stuff like that, stuff that she had ditched so long ago when she was much younger. She raised her eyebrows at him. “I’m starting to think that neither of you actually use soap when you shower.”

“I’m productive when I’m given motive,” Shota replied, collapsing onto the couch next to Jongseob. She could already hear the tell-tale explosion of sound that was the Star Wars main theme.

It was several hours later when dinner was eaten, dishes were washed, and the lot of them were one and a half Star Wars movies in that Yn stared at her notifications again. Intak hadn't sent anything else since those last messages, and there was a distinct feeling of guilt stewing in the back of her brain. At this point, it overpowered any feelings of annoyance or bitterness from the other day's incident. It was always at evening hours when the overthinking started.

Intak had been good to her thus far, though, and it wasn't fair that she took out her annoyance on him. He had done nothing bad—a part of her countered with “yet.”

She could see the start of his messages: That photo's like half your face dude… I've got to go to a dance lesson though so…

It was all completely harmless, and yet, her heart pounded in her chest from not being able to fully read his reaction to her face reveal. Of course she cared what he thought. She chalked it up to the fact that Intak himself was a pretty face, and it was perfectly normal to be self conscious.

Yn raised her head for a moment when she caught a flash of quick movement from the TV, then felt a pair of eyes on her.

While Shota was curled up at the far end of the couch, Jongseob was seated next to her and saw who's messages sat at the top of her screen. The two of them connected gazes; he said nothing, showed nothing.

A different type of guilt rushed into her head.

Jongseob turned back to the screen, and she was back to square one.

The house was quiet by the time Yn tucked her friends beneath quilts on the couch. Her mom had come home sometime between Return of the Jedi and The Phantom Menace, then crashed immediately after disappearing into her room, leaving Yn to haunt the hallways of her house in the dark and silence by herself.

She perched on the edge of her bed with the light of her phone screen illuminating her face. There were those unread messages at the top of her screen again, yelling at her to just take a peak. There was no harm in seeing what he said—but there was. He would see the Read sign beneath his messages and think the worst.

With nothing else stopping her but her own thoughts, she tapped the notification.

The text chain opened up before her in full. There was nothing out of the ordinary, as she expected. He was just being his bright, sweet self here. Her lips pursed into a slight smile as she read over his sappy talk at the end; it was appreciated though.

But now it was a matter of replying.

He probably thought she was busy all day again, but the guilt of “punishing” him for something that people from his community did and not him personally was eating her up inside.

“Ahem.”

She stopped, eyes widening as her head shot up like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. A drowsy Jongseob stood in her doorway with his eyes at half-mast and his mouth widened in a yawn. Sometimes she forgot that her friend was still a kid—that they were all just kids. “Hey,” she whispered to him. “Did I wake you up or something?”

He shook his head and suddenly looked a lot more awake. “The text messages you got earlier,” he drawled, inclining his chin at her phone.

“Oh.” She glanced down at the screen, then back up at him. “Seob, I—”

“He's gonna hurt you, Yn.”

Her chest felt so hollow all of a sudden. What?

He folded his arms in front of himself, cupping his palms under his elbows. Jongseob's eyebrows furrowed together as if in thought or in an attempt to look firm. “He's gonna hurt you like Jae did.”

No, the hollow feeling was because her heart fell into the pit of her stomach. Everything felt like it was falling out from under her with that statement. Yn said slowly, gently, “Jongseob, Jae didn't mean to hurt us. He didn't mean to get sick. He couldn't control it, Seob. You know that that's not fair.”

Sometimes it was hard to not let the anger seep through into blame and misunderstanding. That was just the grief talking. When those thoughts resurfaced, it was just as difficult to deal with the resulting guilt of ever blaming them later on.

Losing someone was just devastating.

Jongseob sniffled though, and she backtracked on her previous thought. But this wasn't that, was it? “Yeah, well—it seems whether they do it on purpose or not, that's all they do up there: hurt people.”

Her mouth felt so dry then, so helplessly wordless. Her throat was just as voiceless. These kids—her friends—had gone through all that pain just as she had. She couldn't blame them most of the time because she knew where they were coming from.

Jongseob poked his tongue in his cheek. “I know you miss him.”

Yn's fingers curled around the edges of her phone, like she could hold onto whoever was on the other side.

“I miss him, too,” he said.

A stinging sensation erupted in the corners of her eyes and she reached up to staunch the tears like they were cuts, and they were bleeding.

“But no matter their intention, a ghost can only haunt,” he muttered. He let that thought simmer for a second before citing his source, “Got that one off of Pinterest.”

The last comment made a laugh sputter out of her mouth, wet but touched. She sniffled at the same time he did. “I was gonna say,” she said, her voice watery, “when'd you get so smart?”

“I've always been smart,” he scoffed. He exhaled, still lingering on the threshold before waddling over to where she was perched on the bed. Awkwardly, he brought his arms around her upper body and gently patted her back. “Is this helping?”

Yn wrapped her arms around him to reciprocate. “Yeah.”

“Thank god.”

A ghost can only haunt. Maybe it was how fast it had all happened that none of them really got proper closure or got to say goodbye. They would never get a chance to see him ever again, to tell him they felt something for him close to love, and enjoyed his company despite his being from the Summit. There was no chance they'd be invited to the funeral, and there was little possibility of ever visiting his grave. There were only memories and a phone number.

One day he was here, and the next… well the next, Yn was texting Intak. Was this history repeating itself, or would this ending turn into a new beginning entirely?

When they both pulled back from their embrace, Jongseob poked her cheek. “You know I never know what to do when you cry, right?”

She reached up to swipe her palm across her dampened cheeks. “Yeah. You did good, kid.”

That made the corners of his mouth curl up a bit. “I just don't want this guy to be another reason you cry.”

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I don’t want to hear thoughts... Unless they’re yours

Chapter 7: Forbidden longing Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader Word count: 4.2k Warning: NSFW, 18+ just in case, angst, dark thoughts, depressive thoughts, Wanda using her magic in a questionable way, Mommy!Kink, Summary: Wanda wanted to live the normal life she was never afforded, but something was always missing. Something she denied herself and buried deep inside. But watching you move next door, she quickly realizes that this may not be possible for much longer. Especially with all the interesting things she found in your thoughts. Chapter summary: Being alone in a new town can be hard. Especially when your past comes back to remind you of all the things you’re missing out on in life. Would Wanda be able to look the other way? Would she be able to stay away from you? Part 1; Part 2; Part 3; Part 4; Part 5; Part 6; Part 7; Part 8; Part 9; Part 10 Series materlist                                     Masterlist of all my works

On a Wednesday night you sighed as you sat on your balcony, a glass of wine resting on the table in front of you. You looked down at the pool, the lights at the edges giving the water a brilliant quality to it that you could easily get lost in. It was a beautiful view. You had many reasons to be happy, including the fact that you managed to hire the last needed person on your team today. By next Monday morning, everyone would have started onboarding, relieving some of the pressure this project had been putting on you, but you were feeling down. The days blurred together on weekdays and they dragged torturously slowly on weekends and you couldn’t find your balance. You needed an escape, a way to recharge in some way, but the one person who offered you respite, you had to cancel on, and now you didn’t have the courage to speak to her again, asking for some company, even when you needed it. Especially after the way you couldn’t tear your eyes away from her body every time she wasn’t looking. You couldn’t deny the woman her beauty and the allure of her maturity was obvious, which only made you shy away from her more. But this wasn’t the only thing weighing you down. You knew the source of your current frustration. You looked at your phone for a brief moment again, the image on the screen daunting. Your eyes lingered on the face of a blond woman, smiling at the camera. She looked happy. Really happy. God, why did that make you feel so dispirited? She hasn’t been in your life for years now. Perhaps it was her, that made you scared of thinking of Wanda, you thought distractedly. That blond woman, who had a cute girl on her arm, the two of them taking a selfie to the background of a sandy beach, she was your first girlfriend, your first ever love, the first woman to claim your heart and body. And she had destroyed you. You knew her since you were little. She was a friend of your mother’s and always so amazingly beautiful. Her glacier, icy blue eyes often seemed as cold as her demeaner, but you knew the woman had a soft side, she often kept hidden. To everyone else, she was one of the most influential, respected business women in your town, but when she was with you, her voice grew soft and sweet, her lips forming into a kind smile that very few knew, her touch so gentle, it almost felt like she was afraid you’d break. That soft side is actually what you fell in love with. You were awfully young, but that attraction stayed with you and during the summer after you turned 18, she finally admitted she knew of your feelings. You tried to deny it, of course, your heart hammering in your chest and your cheeks turning pink at the mention of it. You weren’t sure what you expected, but hearing her say that she shared in your feelings certainly wasn’t it. Yet, she told you she’d give you her heart. That you had it already and she’d do everything in her power to convince you that she was worthy of your affection. Her words and the sincerity behind them had your heart leaping. You wanted her love desperately, so you hid your relationship from your mother, knowing she would be against it. You spent afternoons after school sneaking though town, so you could meet her and your summer “interning” for her, having the time of your life. She knew how to lead, knew how to take control almost effortlessly and you were so happy to give in, so happy to let her take charge and guide you. She took her time to build your confidence and trust in her, took it so slow and steady, until you were ready. Eventually she became your first and you were thrilled to experience love and intimacy with her for the first time. You were happy with her, happy to be hers. And she was happy too. Having a pretty girl on her arm, one that looked at her with so much love and adoration, with so much affection, was all she wanted. When she asked you to take a gap year, between high school and college, so the two of you could spend more time together, you happily agreed, letting her make the decisions and choices you weren’t ready to face. She gave you a more permanent position with her, allowing you to save some money for college, while spending each day with her. She took you to so many of her “business trips”, which were no more than excuses, so she could take you on vacations and spoil you. It all looked wonderful on your resume too, so despite your mother’s very vocal disagreement of your choice, she let you go ahead with it… Now, years later, she told you, it was because she knew of your relationship. Disagreed with it wholeheartedly, and even almost threatened your now ex-girlfriend, but wanted you to be happy. And you were. You would have been happy to be with her for the rest of your life. But the things you loved about her and made you happy, were the same things she grew to dislike about you. In her eyes you were indecisive and rarely took initiative, always relied on her to help you and she was growing frustrated. After a couple of years into the relationship, she kept telling you that you’re a grown up, that you should be able to do things on your own, to deal with life on your own. You were so co-dependant and it was suffocating her. It was almost time for you to go to college and you kept asking her opinion for every decision, kept begging her to accompany you for every small thing, her presence providing calmness and reassurance, that you didn’t know how to function without. If only you knew how to tell her that. How to make her understand. One day, when you needed to go and shop for all your textbooks and supplies, you asked her to join you and she snapped. God, she looked so furious. For the first time since you’ve known her, she was as cold to you, as she was with everyone else, her voice a growl as she told you that you were such a useless little thing, incapable of doing even the smallest of things on your own. Your co-dependency was too much for her. She told you how sick she was of having to decide everything for you. Sick of carrying you through life, sick of seeing that pleading look in your eyes, waiting for her to save you. That day she broke up with you and broke your heart in the process too. The things she said echoed in your head for months. They fed your darkest fears, heightened your insecurity, until you couldn’t recognize yourself. You couldn’t pick yourself up from the floor, spending the remainder of your free weeks before college trying to grow the confidence to even attend. It was the worst pain you’ve ever known.   Eventually you thought of it as a lesson you had to learn. No one would want you the way you were with her. She told you that. And you believed it. You fought social anxiety and insecurity, trying to be independent and strong, trying to never be the way you allowed yourself to be with her. You were raised to be strong, your mother always reminded you, you were meant to lead, to be in control, to be powerful. And you were often told you’re good at it. People trusted you, you had a highly developed sense for justice and you cared about people. Yet, that was never what you wanted. You always felt safest under the blanket of another’s authority. Your next relationships were very different, but never worked out. You were never really yourself with those women and in return, they grew distant and eventually you broke up. At this point you thought that having a relationship that made you happy was impossible. No woman would care for your true self, would she? Your first girlfriend was the most patient of them all and even she had trouble to sometimes accept you and especially your kinks. She always hated it when you called her ‘’Mommy’’. You didn’t mean to, in fact it just slipped out sometimes, but it never failed to turn her off. She tried for you, of course, talked it through with you, but she always had a distaste for it, so you learned to keep it to yourself, never letting it slip out with other partners. No matter how much your other exes asked you about your fantasies or kinks, you never shared that one. You were sure that you would never meet a woman who would accept you, let alone share your preferences, choosing to forever keep them buried. And to keep them that way, you avoided the type of women, who actually attracted you most, knowing that sooner or later you’d slip… Perhaps that’s why you avoided Wanda? But she was kind, sweet, caring, she was always so gentle with you, yet assertive and strong, confident in herself and what she wanted. God, she was perfect! She was everything you ever imagined in a partner. Although that thought was absurd. You didn’t even know her… Truth be told, you shouldn’t even think of her. If you let yourself imagine what it would be like to be with her, you knew you’d fall for her so desperately. And she would snap your heart like a twig. Yes, thoughts of Wanda were a dangerous thing. So, you did your best to ignore any idea of her that would pop into your head. Keeping your distance would be in everyone’s best interest. Especially yours. In the long run, it was much kinder to your heart. Somehow that saddened you more and you gulped down the glass of wine in front of you, pouring yourself another. You were in a self-pitying mood and you allowed yourself to look at the picture of your ex and her new girlfriend and how happy they looked together, a lump in your throat. God, when would it be your turn to be this happy? To find the person, who would look at you with so much love in their eyes? Why was it, that you had to look at the happiness of others, never being allowed to taste it yourself? Was there truly no one out there for you? What was it about you that pushed people away? Were you not pretty enough? Not smart enough? Or were you simply unlovable? You often thought so. And the prospect of walking through life alone had you feeling disheartened quite often throughout the years. You’d smile for the world, observing it quietly, pretending to be content. And when you’d get home you’d cry for hours and hours, wanting to scream so hard your throat would go sore. But you’d take another sleeping pill instead and you’d sink into nothingness. It could be worse, you used to think… But nothing was worse than what you felt inside. It’s a good thing you found help when you did, you thought bitterly. Therapy helped you pull yourself out of the darkness and to start living in the light. But there were always days like this from time to time. Just as you thought of that, a movement inside the Maximoff’s house, a sudden shift, followed by the lights in the entire house going out attracted your attention. You could have sworn you saw the lights on both floors go out at once, but you could see nothing suspicious or out of the ordinary, so you shrugged, your eyes moving back to the pool with its brilliant blue water, entirely unaware of being watched by a pair of green eyes.                                               *             *             * After she came home from that disaster of a date, Wanda spent the whole night thinking. Her thoughts spiralled for hours, her heart protesting the thought that she should just pull away from you. She certainly didn’t want to. But could she keep this a friendship? After everything she saw, everything she did? After sharing so much intimacy with you, could she go back? Of course, she could, she decided. It meant a lot to her, yes, and God, she wanted to take everything else, but nothing was set in stone. You never had to know about Wanda’s transgressions.   But she knew… She knew about all those wonderful things inside your head and as she watched your movements from a distance, her mind closed to the outside world and to your thoughts, and she felt deprived. It was almost like withdrawal. Just like right now… She could see you there, on your balcony, sulking… And she wanted to know what you were thinking about. She wanted to know what made you seem so sad. But she couldn’t allow herself to probe, not if she wanted to stay away from you. Annoyed, as much at the situation, as she was at herself, she huffed, red magic erupting from her fingers and taking out the lights in her house. You were off limits. A place where she shouldn’t wander. If only she had seen the dark thoughts that swirled in your head, the pain that you felt as you sat there, perhaps things would be different. Perhaps she’d know just how much you longed to reach out to her, longed to text her and ask for a moment of her company. But such a thing was not meant to be. Despite the proximity, the two of you were worlds apart, each one engulfed by her own doubts and fears. You, so oblivious and blind and completely consumed by the fear of rejection that resided in your heart, and Wanda, who could see you so clearly, but couldn’t bring herself to take another chance with her barely salvaged heart. As Wanda walked up her stairs, her feet silent in the darkness, she felt a sudden sense of anger. It was the quiet, deeply unnerving kind, the kind that crawled up your skin and made your body suddenly heat up, but just wouldn’t boil over. It was the kind of anger that lingered. It stayed with her while she undressed herself, throwing on only a t-shirt, instead of her pajamas, it messed with her while she brushed her teeth, while she sat up in her bed and watched you through her window… You looked so sad. You looked so fucking beautiful in your sadness too and it made her want to blast the walls of this house with her magic, just so she could be closer to you. She wanted to know what caused your sadness and she wanted to find a way to make it better. Resentful of her own reservations, her own rules that restricted her, she huffed, closing her eyes and trying to push the thought of you out of her head and find some comfort in sleep. But sleep never came. And every time she opened her eyes, she was met with the same sight. The same out worldly beauty, the same terrible sadness written all over it. And she couldn’t stand it. Why did you have to be so beautiful? Why did that look in your eyes have to affect her so much. Wanda watched you for another 5 minutes, her eyes unblinking and her thoughts surprisingly empty, before she decided that she couldn’t stand this anymore. Rules be damned. She wanted to take care of you. She wanted to be good to you tonight. Wanda’s astral body levitated out of her physical one with surprising ease, despite the fact that she hadn’t projected in years. Some things just couldn’t be unlearned over time and magic came way too easy to her now, so perhaps she shouldn’t have been surprised. She walked in front of the mirror in her bedroom and her head tilted as she examined her reflection. Yes, some things never changed. Those scars, gained in magical battle might have disappeared from her skin, but she could see them clearly here. Her red eyes glowed in the darkness, her skin covered in angry, jagged lines, the blackened fingers, that twitched with unused magic, the tattered crown over her head and the suit that she hasn’t worn since mount Wundagore... All those things from her past. She was a true horror, even in her own eyes. How could she ever ask a girl like you to love a monster like the one she so clearly was? But she wasn’t going to ask you to love her. In fact, you wouldn’t even see her. You had no magical abilities, she checked soon after you moved in. So she had nothing to worry about tonight. With a final glance that lingered on her face, Wanda flew out of her house and hovered over your balcony, examining you up close. You were almost in a stupor and Wanda’s astral form flew closer, landing near you and taking the last few steps to you. “Poor, sweet girl. You look so tired.” She said with a note of melancholy understanding, knowing you wouldn’t be able to hear her. The dark circles under your eyes gave you a grave expression that didn’t sit right with her, that didn’t even seem to fit in the image she had of you and the way your body sagged looked so unnatural, like you were a misshapen doll, that it made Wanda shudder. Only your eyes gave away that there was still a spark of life in you, a tornado of feelings and emotions that scrambled your thoughts. As if to show her you’re alive, your hand moved, blindly taking the glass of wine and dawning the remainder if its content, the sharp taste making you shiver as you swallowed it. In a gesture of gentle compassion, Wanda reached out, her fingers stroking your hair softly. “That’s not good for you, darling girl.” She said with a tenderness that looked almost macabre, considering you couldn’t see or feel her. To her surprise, you put the glass down, pushing it away with an apathetic gesture and Wanda crouched down in front of you, eyes studying you with a curious expression. She wondered for a moment if perhaps you had sensed her, but nothing actually gave that away. Your eyes looked unseeingly through her and into the blue water of the pool. But perhaps on some level you could feel her, she hoped, standing up straight again and moving to your side, her forehead touching your temple softly as she breathed you in, while one of her hands circled your shoulders and embraced you gently. Her blackened fingers looked so grotesque next to your unblemished skin, but she couldn’t help herself basking in your proximity, in your presence, in your smell, in your warmth. Despite what she might have looked like, she only wanted to get a moment of gentleness from you. She wanted to hug you, to lay your head on her chest and stroke your hair, a gesture she knew would soothe both of you. God, she probably looked deranged right now, but as soon as your body tilted to the side, as if to lean more against her, Wanda lost all ability to care. Some part of you did sense her, she thought, a surge of excitement passing through her body. She wondered just how much she would be able to influence you in this state. You were obviously more susceptible to suggestion in your tired drunkenness, but she was only in her astral form, her own capabilities limited. And she didn’t really want to manipulate you in any sinister way, just to get you to bed, so you could rest a little. You still had work in the morning and it was already so terribly late… “Sweetheart, do you think you can go to bed for me?” She asked softly, still holding you. It was an empty feeling, her astral form incapable of feeling the way she did, but it was better than nothing. With a soft, affectionate smile, she felt you yawn, your arm making the instinctive motion of covering your mouth, but coming up a few seconds late. “Yes, that’s right. You’re feeling very sleepy right now and you want to go to bed.” She whispered, detaching herself from you. She watched you try to stifle another yawn, but it didn’t quite work. You seemed almost ready to fall asleep right on the chair. It was downright cute, the way you tried to snuggle into the chair for comfort. But Wanda couldn’t let you sleep here. “Your bed would be much more, comfortable, darling.” She whispered in your ear, feeling elated. She felt free. To speak as she wished, to say the things she wanted to say, without fear, without restrictions, without limit. In the cover of darkness, in a state, where the whole universe was her witness, yet no human around would ever hear her, she could say out loud the things she kept hidden. Your body refused to move, your eyes opening and closing in uneven intervals as she watched you. Poor baby was so tired. She would have picked you up and carried you if she could, but she only had her voice to use, so she tried again. “Go on, baby. Go to bed. You’re not supposed to stay here.” She said again, stroking your hair. God, it felt so good to be able to say this out loud. To show you the affection you deserved. Perhaps in her freedom, she could use the words she had never spoken out loud… “Come on, darling, Mommy will cuddle you to sleep if you go to your bed.” She suggested, feeling a shiver pass through her at how good it felt to say those words, already feeling the rush of excitement at the thought of having you in her arms. She could talk to you like this for hours. At this, you stirred, straightening in your chair and trying to keep your eyes open and Wanda smirked. Such a sweet, pliable girl… “Let’s get you into bed.” Wanda smiled, repeating her instructions, until you finally stood with a tired sigh and another stifled yawn. “Such a good girl.” The witch praised you, following your steps into the house and its master bedroom.   The space was dark, but you couldn’t be bothered by the lights, not wanting to irritate your eyes, instead standing in front of the bed and reaching to undress yourself. “No, don’t undress, baby. Mommy won’t be able to stop herself if you take your clothes off.’’ Wanda rushed to stop you. It’s not that she didn’t want to see you, the temptation to let you strip yourself down and expose all your beauty almost too great for her to resist. But she didn’t want to take advantage of you like that. “Just lie down, now darling.” She instructed in a gentle voice, coaxing you to lie down. She watched you take a deep breath, before you reached behind your back, unclasping your bra and taking it off your shoulders and from underneath your clothes, throwing in carelessly on the nearby armchair, before you climbed into bed, not even bothering with the covers. It was such a warm night anyway. You pulled down one of the many pillows at the top of the bed and hugged it, your body needing the feeling of proximity and Wanda’s eyes swelled with tears. God, she couldn’t even remember how many nights she had fallen asleep in just the same way. True to her words, she climbed into bed, facing you and she draped one of her arms over your body. “Sleep now, little angel, Mommy’s here.” She whispered softly. She watched you fall asleep in mere seconds, clearly exhausted, and she watched the features in your face grow softer and more content, once you had drifted. You were still so gorgeous, so precious, cuddled up into bed. She could stay and watch you like this all night. She certainly wanted to. She wanted to let her physical body sleep in her bed, while she stayed here with you, watching you, soothing you, admiring you… But she couldn’t do that… She was meant to keep herself away from you, not learn a new way to be close to you. Staying would only tempt her further. Bargaining with herself, feeling reluctant to leave your side, she spent another half an hour next to you, her hand stroking your cheek affectionately as she watched you sleep, but eventually, she left. Her astral form returned back into her body as if slammed by invisible force, leaving her breathless and full of half-felt emotions. Wanda felt so unfulfilled, knowing you were so close to her, sweetly curled around a pillow and sleeping peacefully. Leaving your side truly left a bitter aftertaste in her. She had gotten a glimpse of being so close to you, of being so utterly herself and now she wanted so much more. She wanted to throw away all her restraint and just fly back to you, where she felt whole, felt a sense of serenity that’s been missing in her. As her eyes snapped open, she groaned. Giving you up, would be much harder than she anticipated. ______________________________________________________ As always, I’d love to know what you guys think about the chapter and the story in general.  Disclaimer: Gif is not mine. I’d be happy to give credit if I knew who made it...

Past Lives (Hoseok x OC)

Summary: Faced with an ambiguous relationship from your past, you start to doubt your blossoming relationship with Hoseok.

Pairing: Hoseok x OC

Genre: I wish I could tell you what genre this is but let's go with contemplative flangst (fluff + angst)

Word count: 4.6 K

Rating: 18+

Warnings: mentions of parental death

A/N: A lot of OC focus in this one. Takes place about a month after Caterpillar, the same weekend as A Day in the Life.

Tagging: @bbl32 @quarter-life-crisis2 @meirkive  @faearchives @margopinkerton  @dreaming-with-happiness  @confessionsofamarshlily  @purpleseoul7 @sumzysworld @xjoonchildx @infinitehobi @handfullofcandids

Listen to: "it's hard to get around the wind" by alex turner

hoseok masterlist | main masterlist

Chaeyoung spots the restaurant across the street and checks the map on her phone to make sure it’s the right one. A notification pops up on the top of her screen at the same time.

Hoseok [12:40] This interview is taking a bit longer than expected. I’ll keep you posted. 

Her heart leaps lightly, unexpectedly. It’s not that she’s looking forward to hanging out with him exactly, but amidst the chaos of his tour, it’s the friendly thing to do to catch up with him during the few days he is in town.

Right below Hoseok’s message, though, is the one she’d gotten earlier today - unexpected, but unavoidable.

Hi, Chaeyoung! How are you, darling? I’m in Seoul for the weekend and I was hoping we could grab lunch if you’re free? I would love to see you. Let me know!

Hesitating for a fraction of a second outside the restaurant, she wonders if she can still fake an excuse and make a break for it. But then she sighs, knowing she won’t do that. Once, she might have - and she wouldn’t have thought twice about it. But the years have passed and Chaeyoung has grown, and while the past may not have escaped her mind entirely, her reaction to it certainly has.

Stepping in, she’s about to ask the hostess about a possible reservation but then spots a table for two at the far end next to a large window, already half-occupied. Taking a deep breath, she walks over, waving when her companion looks up and spots her.

“Chaeyoung!” Soyeon’s face lights up, the faint smile lines creasing around her eyes. She stands up and moves towards Chaeyoung as if about to give her a hug but hesitates at the last moment. Chaeyoung pauses as well, before leaning forward a bit and meeting her stepmother in a slightly awkward hug.

“This is a really nice restaurant,” remarks Soyeon as they sit down. “Especially these little menus on every table,” she adds, touching the framed cocktail menu with white waves around the edges, a little trinket hanging on the side with a string. “Good choice.”

“A friend told me about it,” says Chaeyoung, glancing out of the corner of her eye at her stepmother. In her late forties, she looks fresh out of a lifestyle magazine, her long summer dress modern but with a subtle bohemian print along the edges. Years ago, that kind of clothing used to make Chaeyoung fume, for it wasn’t what the rest of the mothers wore and Soyeon stood out like a sore thumb. Today, she can’t help but appreciate the originality, wondering if trends really had changed so much over the years. 

“Oh, before I forget -” Seoyeon rummages through her white tote bag and retrieves a clear box with gold tape around it. “Tim Tams. They restocked it at the Foodhall in the mall after ages.”

It takes all of Chaeyoung’s willpower to not lunge for the box. Hands trembling slightly, she takes it at a normal pace, exhaling at the sight of her favourite dessert in the whole wide world. “I - oh, my God. I haven’t had these in so long. I’d given up on ever having these again.” She bites her lip. “Thank you.”

Soyeon beams. “I haven’t seen them in a long time either but I had to go to the mall yesterday to buy a couple of things for the trip, so I thought I’d stop and check.” She shrugs, clearly relieved at Chaeyoung’s reaction. “Guess I got lucky.”

“I mean, I’m dieting right now but Tim Tams I can make an exception for.”

“Why -” Soyeon frowns but stops abruptly. “Well, as long as you enjoy them.” She smiles as Chaeyoung sets the box to the side. There’s a few seconds of silence; now that the initial bit of this lunch has gone without any major hiccups, the pressure to keep the delicate cordiality going is surfacing. A waiter appears and a couple of minutes are occupied while they order drinks (margarita for Soyeon, mojito for Chaeyoung), and then the silence returns.

Soyeon speaks first. “So… how’s work going?” She leans forward with her hands clasped under her chin. “Are you enjoying it?”

“Um, I guess.” Chaeyoung shrugs. “It was a bit daunting at first but I think I’m getting the hang of it.” Not sure how to elaborate further, she lets her eyes wander to the rest of the room. She was right: it is a nice restaurant, breezy and floral, with tons of natural light.

“Your brother mentioned you might have to start travelling a bit,” she says, as their drinks arrive. At that moment, Chaeyoung’s phone lights up on the table.

Hoseok [12:55] The blooper reel for this interview is going to be so embarrassing. Who serves drinks and then tells jokes?

“Cheers?”

“Oh -” Chaeyoung, who had been about to absently take a sip, sheepishly clinks her glass with Soeyon’s. “I don’t know. No one’s said anything yet. I did have to go to Busan last year to cover the arts festival but -” She shrugs. “Nothing since then.”

“You covered the arts festival? That’s amazing!”

“Well, not really covered,” she clarifies, not really wanting to get into something she’d been bemoaning for a while last year. But then she catches sight of Soyeon’s full attention on her and something loosens in her stomach. “I’m still just doing research. It’s not bad, but… you know what, it’s fine. Not everyone in Conde Nast who wants to become a columnist actually becomes one,” she mutters, taking another sip of her drink.

Soyeon nods sympathetically. “I understand. Everyone starts at the bottom but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t get frustrating now and then. But don’t give up,” she adds after a moment. “You have the talent.”

Chaeyoung frowns. “For research?”

“For writing.” She gives her a look. “You used to always do so well in your Korean language class - oh, and you won that essay competition, too.”

Her memories stir. “That was… eighth grade,” she murmurs, touching the edge of her fork. “I think the quality of writing at Conde Nast is probably higher than that.” She glances up to see Soyeon nod and look away. “But… you’re right. I didn’t even remember that competition,” she admits.

Soyeon raises her eyebrows. “It was a beautiful essay. The one about the mother searching for her children after the tsunami? Drove me and your father to tears when we read it.”

“Really?” Chaeyoung frowns, a faint smile appearing on her face. “My dad?”

“Oh, yes. He pretended he didn’t but I saw him tear up.” She grins. “Everyone was very proud of you that day.”

Chaeyoung says nothing. It’s coming back to her now, the fact that her father couldn’t make it to the middle school award ceremony because he worked long hours back then. Soyeon had offered to come but Chaeyoung had immediately rebuffed that by claiming only babies brought their parents along to things like this. The only person who had been cheering for her in the audience was Chanyeol - and his best friend who had been begrudgingly dragged along.

As the waiter stops by again to take their food order, Chaeyoung sneaks a glance at her phone, hoping to see another message from Hoseok. But there isn’t one; pursing her lips, she locks the screen and places it next to her plate.

“So what else is going on with you?”

“Oh, um -“ Chaeyoung tears her eyes away from her phone. “Nothing, really. How’s my dad?” she asks after a moment.

“He’s okay. Getting a little restless after retirement, but he’s adjusting.” Soyeon gives her a small smile. “He really misses you two.”

Chaeyoung tries not to scoff. “Chanyeol, maybe.”

But Soyeon shakes her head. “You, too. He tells everyone that his daughter works for a big magazine in Seoul.”

“But his son works for a tech company in Busan. The saddest day of his life was the day my brother moved out,” she points out. She looks up to see Soyeon’s expression shift to resemble something like sympathy, and immediately changes the subject. “Do you talk to him often?”

“Chanyeol? Sometimes. I travel to Busan every few months so we catch up if he has the time.”

Chaeyoung frowns slightly, unsure of what kind of answer she was expecting. It was no secret that as kids, he got along with their stepmother much better than she did, making an effort to be polite to a grown-up. 

The food arrives then and Chaeyoung clings to a couple of minutes of silence as they dig into their plates of pasta. She wonders briefly why her brother hasn’t brought up Soyeon in their conversations if they indeed talk that often. 

“He told me about his new girlfriend,” says Soyeon, sprinkling some oregano on her plate. “She sounds great.”

“Hayoung? Yeah, they were in the same class in school. She, Chan, Hoseok - all of them. She’s nice.”

“What about you?” She raises her eyebrows with a smile. “Any special boys in your life?”

Ignoring the weak jolt of her heart, Chaeyoung shakes her head. “From high school? Not a single one. I don’t think boys started liking me like that until college.”

“Well, Chanyeol was quite protective of you,” says Soyeon in a matter-of-fact way. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the boys in school thought twice about messing with you.”

It’s not that it’s a surprise, really, but she feels a sudden rush of affection for her brother. She remembers the ice creams and the free use of all his toys and his generosity with pocket money, but maybe it extended further than that. Maybe, just maybe, her childhood idea of she and her brother being a team against the world wasn’t entirely in her head.

“He can get annoying sometimes, too,” she says nonchalantly, recolving to call him later tonight, just to chat. “He pesters me endlessly to download this app that’s supposed to track my spending and savings for me.”

Soyeon doesn’t say anything but the look in her eyes makes it clear she isn’t fooled by the blasé tone. “Would you excuse me for a moment? I’m just going to run to the ladies’ room.” She scoops up her phone and slides out of the chair, walking away as her dress flows behind her.

Chaeyoung picks up her phone. There isn’t a message from Hoseok yet, but she sends him one anyway.

Chaeyoung [13:30] Having one of the stranger afternoons of my life. I’ll tell you about it later. If you’re ever done with your interview, that is.

She sends both messages, hoping a second later that she isn’t coming across as desperate. She begins to panic but then a reply appears.

Hoseok [13:32] Can’t wait to hear all about it.

Her heart leaps as Soyeon returns, a faint citrus scent following her. “Sorry about that. What is it?” she asks.

“What is what?”

“You were smiling just now.” 

“Oh.” This isn’t a topic she wants to get into with anyone, least of all her stepmother. There’s the latent fear that whoever she talks to will automatically think she’s regressed into her obsessive teenage self, while the much more real fear is that it might just be true.

It’s not just you. He kissed you, too. He’s texting you, too. He wants to hang out with you, too.

The mantra repeats itself in her head, objective truths that make all the difference between their old dynamic and their new one.

“It’s nothing.”

Soyeon pauses but evidently lets it go. “Okay. Actually, there is something I wanted to talk to you about. It’s not really the kind of thing I wanted to say over the phone.” She licks her lips, looking slightly nervous.

“Okay,” says Chaeyoung slowly, setting down her phone and sitting back in her chair.

“Um… so, your father and I… well, we’re doing our estate planning. You know, working on our wills.”

“Why?” Chaeyoung asks sharply, hearing the sudden anxiety in her own voice. “What’s - what’s wrong with -”

“No, nothing!” Soyeon shakes her head immediately, holding up her hands. “Your father is fine. It’s just run of the mill stuff, you know. Just so we have all our affairs in order. Nothing is wrong,” she clarifies, waiting for Chaeyoung to nod before continuing. “So… he is, of course, dividing his assets between you and your brother, but since I don’t have children of my own…” She clears her throat, eyes flickering downward.

Chaeyoung says nothing. This conversation is taking an unexpected route and this is the last topic she wants to deal with today.

“Well… there are some things I own that I would’ve probably left to my daughter, if I had one. Jewellery and the like, things I got for my wedding - and I’m not saying you’re my daughter or that I’m your -” She clarifies quickly, and Chaeyoung nods again, wordlessly. “But… I would like to leave that to you, if you’re alright with it.”

Her phone lights up again, another message from Hoseok.

Hoseok [13:45] Fucking hell. There’s a road blocked on the way to the airport so I’ll have to leave earlier than planned. Filming might get pushed up but I’ll still try to make it. Letting you know just in case.

The disappointment in her stomach feels faint, like she’s imagining it - or hoping for it. Chaeyoung forces herself to respond in a steady voice.

“Um, I think you can leave your things to whoever you want. I don’t think you need to ask.”

Soyeon nods, and her eyes fall slightly. “I know,” she says softly. “But I want to ask. We aren’t very close and… I don’t want to presume anything.”

Chaeyoung bites her lip. Her chest feels uncomfortable, and she tries to work out which road on the way to the airport might be blocked. Why it would, today of all days, how much earlier Hoseok would have to leave to catch his flight, and what the odds might be of him actually meeting her at Sephora later today. 

“Chaeyoung?”

“I -” Chaeyoung clears her throat. “Of course, you can. Thank you.”

Soyeon raises her eyebrows for a moment, as though surprised at this quick response. “Oh. Okay. Wonderful. That’s - that’s really… thank you.” She smiles and reaches for her drink, taking a quick sip. “I should ask for some more ice. What about you? More ice?”

“Sure. And… I know we aren’t very close.” Chaeyoung looks down at her plate before forcing herself to meet her stepmother’s eyes. Her stepmother, who made sure that not a single birthday went by without wishes and a gift. “But that’s on me,” she mutters.  “You did your best.”

The waiter stops by and it seems to take Soyeon a moment to remember why she had called him. As she requests him for more ice and to clear their plates, Chaeyoung glances at her phone out of the corner of her eye and feels the knot in her chest loosen. Maybe the road will get unblocked by the evening. Maybe filming will end early, or maybe there won’t be traffic between Big Hit and Sephora.

“You know, you can leave jewellery to Chanyeol, too,” she half-jokes when they get their dessert menus. “He’s not bad at accessorising.”

Soyeon chuckles. “You might be right. I am planning to give him something, though.” She hesitates. “In a year or two, if everything looks like it’s going well… I was thinking of giving him my engagement ring. I’m hoping he’ll propose to Hayoung with it, if he wants.”

Chaeyoung raises her eyebrows. “Wow. That’s… wow, an engagement ring. Oppa’s growing old,” she remarks in wonder, making Soyeon laugh. “He and Hayoung make a good couple, though. I could see her as my sister-in-law.”

“Yes, but I want to ask him when the time is right.” She leans forward slightly. “Can it stay between you and me till then?”

Chaeyoung nods, somewhat endeared by the prospect. They order a tiramisu to share and return the menus, when another message pops up on her phone.

Hoseok [13:55] Interview just got done. Do you think you can meet me at Sephora in about an hour?

Chaeyoung grabs her phone and immediately types out a reply. “Sorry,” she mutters to Soyeon, hastily sending a Yeah, I’ll be there to him.

“No problem. Everything okay?”

“What?” She sets her phone down. “Yes, everything is… okay. It’s good.” But she can feel the smile starting to spread across her face, suddenly glad she had the foresight to bring the gift card with her to lunch.

“Yeah? Someone interesting been texting you all afternoon?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” she answers automatically. “I mean, not interesting, just… it’s Hoseok,” she admits lamely.

“Our Hoseok?” Soyeon looks both surprised yet somewhat knowing. “Chanyeol mentioned you two were friendly now, but are you…”

“Friends?” Chaeyoung guesses. “Yeah, I guess. We both live here and I guess we started hanging out last year…” She shrugs, trying to ignore the fluttering in her stomach. “It’s not a big deal. But, yeah… we’re friends.”

“That’s nice,” she says. But there’s that knowing look in her eye again, and Chaeyoung isn’t sure if it’s a guess or if she’s being that obvious. “You two kind of… clashed growing up.”

Chaeyoung rolls her eyes, grudgingly appreciating Soyeon’s attempt at being diplomatic. “That would be an understatement. But, yeah, I guess once I stopped being a creepy stalker and he got his head out of his ass… we actually get along pretty well.”

Soyeon waves her hand as the tiramisu arrives and they each grab a small silver spoon. “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she says as they attack the dessert together. “You were a kid - and everybody that age wants validation from someone they look up to. You had a crush,” she tells her. “We’ve all been there.”

Chaeyoung knows it’s meant to be comforting, but it struggles to get through. What if I’m still there?

“Can I tell you a secret?” she blurts out. It suddenly occurs to her that there are two people at this table who lost their mothers when they were children. “You can’t tell anyone - especially not my brother.”

“Of course,” says Soyeon instantly. “Is everything okay?”

At this pivotal moment, Chaeyoung’s voice seems to give up on her. It’s happened before, the couple of times she’d been about to confide in Sooah before chickening out, for there was no guarantee anymore that she wouldn’t tell Jimin. Sunmi would be no help in general, her work friends weren’t close enough and had zero context, and Chanyeol was simply out of the question.

She clears her throat. “Hoseok and I… kissed,” she confesses before she can lose her nerve. She sees Soyeon’s face start to relax and hurriedly continues. “It was the night of my birthday. He came over, brought me a Sephora gift card and cupcakes… and we hung out. He offered to go skincare shopping with me and told me about his tour. And then right before he left… he kissed me. Or we - we kissed,” she finishes awkwardly, wishing she was less incoherent about this.

“Oh. So, are you two dating?”

“No,” she answers immediately, realising now that she was also possibly dreading an over-the-top reaction by Sooah, one that would make her want to crawl under her bed covers and never reappear. “No, we’re still friends. We haven’t really talked about it. He’s been abroad ever since. It’s… kind of confusing, that’s all.” When Soyeon doesn’t respond, Chaeyoung worries she may have overshared. “What?”

“Nothing…” Soyeon bites her lip. “I’m trying to decide between the advice I should give and the advice I actually want to.”

“The second one.”

“Okay, then.” She sets her spoon down, their half-eaten tiramisu abandoned between them. “I watched Hoseok grow up and while I love him like family… I would tell you to protect yourself.”

Chaeyoung pauses, not expecting this. “What’s the advice you should be giving?”

“You know…” Soyeon shrugs. “Follow your heart, tell him how you feel, don’t be ashamed of your feelings.” She purses her lips. “I’m not saying you should be ashamed of your feelings or that you shouldn’t follow your heart, but… maybe you want to see where this goes before confessing anything? He’s doing so well for himself and we’re all very proud, but I can’t imagine that that life would be a walk in the park to put up with. Just… don’t be in a hurry, especially if you’re not sure how he feels.” She pauses. “Or how you feel.”

There are too many grudging truths in this piece of advice. For the first time all day, she doesn’t immediately glance at her phone when it lights up with a message.

“Did I spoil your mood?” Soyeon asks as they’re heading out. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention. I was just trying to -”

“No, I know.” Chaeyoung interrupts her. It’s raining now; the sunniness of the day has disappeared as though it never existed and they stand under the roof right outside the door of the restaurant. “You didn’t spoil anything. Maybe… maybe we’re just meant to be friends and nothing more.”

“Maybe. I’m not pretending like I know everything about your relationship with him. I know that he’s a good kid with a good heart, and so are you. And teenage reactions don’t mean much when you’re grown up.” Soyeon tilts her head and places a hand on Chaeyoung’s shoulder. “I’m not at all surprised that you two get along. And he would be incredibly lucky to be with you. But maybe I’m biased.”

They exchange a small smile. It feels a bit more real now: the kiss, the feelings, the fact that Jung Hoseok isn’t just a teenage fantasy anymore. 

“Thanks. That’s good advice. I could’ve used more of it over the years,” she adds. 

Soyeon averts her gaze for a moment before looking up again and smiling. “We have time,” she says. “I’m just a phone call away.”

Chaeyoung nods. One of the stranger afternoons of my life. “And thank you for the Tim Tams.”

Soyeon laughs. “Don’t worry. I bought a second box just for myself.” Chaeyoung grins as Soyeon’s phone pings and a cab pulls up in front of the restaurant. “How are you getting home?”

“Oh, I’m going to Sephora - er, the mall. I’ll take the bus,” she says, pointing at the bus stop across the street. “It’ll be here in a few minutes.”

Soyeon raises her eyebrows. “Alright. Text me when you reach. And… say hi to Hoseok for me.” Her eyes twinkle and without thinking, Chaeyoung steps forward and hugs her stepmother. Soyeon seems to freeze for a fraction of a second before hugging her back. “Take care of yourself, sweetheart,” she murmurs, stroking her hair. “And have fun at Sephora.” Stepping away and tucking a strand of hair behind Chaeyoung’s ear, Soyeon hurries out into the rain and into the waiting cab. 

Chaeyoung waves to her as she leaves, too many mixed feelings churning through her. But it’s lighter somehow and as she crosses the street in the rain, cringing slightly as her hair gets wet, she suddenly feels older and more capable.

There’s too much to unpack from this afternoon so she decides to keep it aside until she gets home. As she nears the mall, the city caught in an unseasonal shower, the only part of her lunch with Soyeon that seems impossible  compartmentalise is the bit about Hoseok.

He would be incredibly lucky to be with you. Part of her knows she’s jumping the gun; apart from the one kiss they shared and the innocent flirting at best, there has been nothing to indicate that they’re anything more than just good friends. 

But there’s the other part, the part where he’s been texting her whenever he can, joking around with her, moving his schedule around just to shop with her. She isn’t imagining it, but the more she has to convince herself of it, the less special is feels.

It’s still raining when she reaches the mall. Splashing through the small puddles in the pavilion, she hurries into the mall, the AC making her shiver.

“Shit,” she mutters, tugging her thin cotton shrug around her. She catches her reflection in a mirror by the door of a clothing store and groans inwardly; her long hair, painstakingly shampooed, conditioned and straightened this morning, is damp and wavy down her shoulders, strands sticking to her forehead. Her eyeliner seems to have smudged as well, making her look like a drowning raccoon.

Hoseok [14:30] Just reached. Where are you?

Chaeyoung sighs and glances back up at her reflection. Taking a selfie of herself scowling, she superimposes it on a dramatic graphic of a stormy sky and sends it to him.

Chaeyoung [14:32] [photo] Got caught in the rain. I look like a crack addict.

Hoseok [14:33] OMG You still look cute, haha. Very punk. Like, bubblegum punk.

Chaeyoung feels a smile spread across her face at the response. Looking back up at her reflection, she shakes out her damp hair so it falls tousled down her shoulder. A lot more confident than she was a few moments ago, she makes her way to the escalator.

Sephora is on the second floor of the mall, with all the other cosmetics and skincare stores. It’s the biggest one, though, looking shiny and expensive.

As she approaches the store, she spots Hoseok inside. He’s wearing a hoodie, a baseball cap and a mask, but Chaeyoung recognises him instantly. He’s standing a bit to the inside of the store, in a corner by the eye creams, rubbing his eyes and looking down at his phone.

At the exact same time that Chaeyoung’s heart flutters at the sight of him, a different part of her conversation with Soyeon resurfaces out of nowhere. She takes a step back so she’s behind a pillar; she’s sure he can’t spot her now. Opening the camera of her phone, she holds it up to her face to look at her reflection again.

It can’t be. A simple text from Hoseok can’t change her opinion in an instant, not this much. Is it true, though? Is she, after all these years, still looking for validation from him?

It’s a more humiliating thought than any memory of her childhood crush. Liking Hoseok all over again is something she can handle; wanting his validation, his approval - it’s a path she can’t go down again.

Chaeyoung lowers her phone to sneak a look at Hoseok again. He’s taken off his mask now. A few people seem to have recognised him, but his attention is on his phone, face pensive.

She realises she hasn’t replied to his last message. Her thumbs hover over the screen; it’s not her finest moment, but she knows she can’t do this until she’s had some time to reflect, alone.

Chaeyoung [14:38] I might need to take a raincheck, literally. It’s pouring and I can’t get a single cab. I’m sorry.

With a heavy heart and hoping she doesn’t regret this, she sends the text. Peering from behind the pillar, she watches as Hoseok gets the message. He stares at his phone for a few seconds, his shoulders falling, before visibly sighing and taking off his cap. He runs a hand through his dark hair and puts the cap back on.

Hoseok [14:39] Oh. That’s cool. Let me know when you get back home safe, okay?

Chaeyoung almost gives it up right then but when she sees Hoseok exiting the store, she immediately flattens herself behind the pillar. Taking great care to not be seen, she watches Hoseok go down the escalator and disappear into the crowd.

—

Thanks for reading. Don't forget to drop a review :)

Another Tim as batman’s secretary please? I hope your summer’s going great!

~C

thank you!!! sorry for the late reply 😅most asks that are sent take some time for me to reach them because of the volume of asks i have and i want to make sure i answer all of them!! i was a little buy in the summer but it went well❤️❤️❤️!!! i hope everyone else had a good summer as well!!!!!

tim being bruce's secretary is such a beloved genre of mine!!! often in au's where tim is a civilian finding a way to associate him with the bats is very difficult because aside from the whole 'knowing about robin' there's little opportunity for him to cross paths with them. and tim is fully the type to keep the batman secret and take it to his grave. but him being bruce's secretary??? such a perfect set up!!!

because WE is the most fair employer and the highest paying for entry level work in the entire city??? and if all things in tim's life go as they would have without having bruce or the others involved its likely he would've been orphaned pretty young and without his training from bruce wouldn't have likely been successful with some 'fake uncle' thing. and so tim ages out of the foster system and manages to snag a job at WE, he ends up being bruce's secretary after being picked out of a whole pool of candidates and its just!!!!! he's working for batman!!!! and its hard to shed that thought while bringing bruce his meeting notes and discovering how he takes his coffee!!!! tim as bruce's secretary is just so good!

especially if tim takes great pride in his work. he's working for batman afterall! and part of tim never really quite shed that wonder no matter how disillusioned he grew with the world and everything in it. tim will admit that maybe time in foster care had made him...bitter. it'd made him possessive, and maybe it had infected him with some thin layer of cruelty to protect himself. so tim has a hard time making friends with other workers. he's a no nonsense type of individual. he likes everything be a certain way and making sure everything is efficient so that bruce is never inconvenienced because it's the least tim can do. doing his part to help batman protect the city by making sure his coffee is always hot and his papers are perfectly filed and that he's always at his side ready to take his coat.

tim's attentive to bruce in a way previous secretaries weren't. and that's not to say other secretaries hadn't been paying close attention to bruce. but that was more from a desire to live out some 'boss-secretary' fantasy with one of the wealthiest men in gotham. its why bruce went through secretaries like toilet paper. but with tim...there's a sincerity in his actions, a real concern that flashes in his eyes when bruce's dark circles are a little more visible than usual. and bruce...god bruce might just be having a hard time of it all because his children have basically all flown the nest with the exception of damian who was really only around to go to school and left most weekends with the titans. so...god. so bruce gets lonely. and with tim there's no need for a front or to pretend and sometimes its nice to have company during lunch or to have someone to talk about during long nights in the office.

tim is young and sweet and around bruce's sons ages and maybe he likens himself to something of a father figure to tim because he heard the young boy had lost his quite young. so bruce tells himself its okay to get close to tim. that they have a parent child like relationship so the two of them developing inside jokes and sharing personal numbers and hanging around together outside of work hours. its just nice...having someone young and lively in his life again. someone who will spend time with him because those zoo passes he bought for himself and damian go unused and its such a shame to waste them and those season baseball tickets he often invites jason to but he never turns up because he has another paper due or because he's planning out his lectures or complaining about the administration. bruce loves his son, he does, but there's only so much he can listen to his son talk about 'bullshit tenure contracts' before it gets old. and with dick...if they could even stand to be around each other long enough to spend quality time together it would be a miracle.

so....so bruce asks tim if he'd like to joing him on those things. its not like he's doing anything wrong,...taking a young boy under his wing. but...bruce can't deny they grow closer. he gets to know tim better.

tim tells him things. private things. his dreams. his fears. how his life hadn't panned out the way he'd wanted it to but he had a nice job and a roof over his head so who was he to complain? and bruce...he...starts allowing himself to be...honest.

with tim it's easy. its like he could tell tim anything and he wouldn't judge him.

bruce finds himself going over to tim's apartment sometimes. after a long day out they'll go back to tim's comfy little home filled with thrifted furniture, trinkets, personal items and bruce is always so fascinated with tim's home. it's like he can tell a million things about him from his basket of unfolded laundry and his collection of throw pillow and pinned up paintings he'd made as a teenager.

bruce is at ease with tim, feels lighter, comfortable. he knows tim's home like the back of his hand. knows tim's food and drink of choice order. bruce and tim take refuge in his apartment when a freak blizzard hits gotham and they managed to make it out of WE before they were trapped inside. bruce borrows tim's phone and informs alfred about staying the night.

and...bruce makes himself at home. he knows where the remote is, he has a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, a change of clothes from when they were caught in a rainstorm, knows the fridge carries the root beer he once confessed to loving but stopped drinking because it was "unrefined".

bruce is comfortable. he feels at home with tim. relaxed. putting a hand over tim's shoulder and holding him close while watching a movie on tim's little tv feels...natural.

bruce isn't sure when it turns romantic. just that the progression is so natural and easy that he barely notices when he's started pressing kisses to tim's mouth, holding his hand, and simmering with interest. it doesn't hit him until he's in a drug store picking up some milk and slows to a stop in front of the condoms. he's picking up boxing and expertly identifying the best one when it hits him that he's weighing a choice between his favorite brand and the 'ribbed' ones while wondering if tim would enjoy them.

bruce isn't as shocked at the realization as he thought he'd be. still. a haze follows him home, plastic bag full of a carton of milk and a hastily chosen box of condom swinging at his side while wondering what tim will say when he finds that box.

bruce had a lapfull of tim the night before, the two lazily pressing kisses to exposed skin and paying half attention to a documentary.

bruce knows tim wouldn't bawk at the boldness. but...some little part of him can't help but feel nervous at a rejection he's certain won't come.

still. the butterflies remain and bruce continues his walk home.

SteveTony Weekly - October 22

Hey, friends!! I hope you’re having a great week--here’s what I read this week, which is--a short list. Hopefully you find something you like--if so, please remember to comment and kudos! 

~*~ 

you'll wait a long time by nanasekei 

Steve and Tony share a moment during a wedding. Things escalate from there.

-

Alternatively: Four weddings, a funeral, and one very emotionally stunted idiot.

Love Handles by fohatic

Steve notices that Tony really likes to grab onto certain parts of him. He thinks it's just a sex thing, but, like most things with Tony, nothing's ever that simple.

Summer Wine by KandiSheek

Tony had mentally prepared himself for a lot of weird things that could happen on their trip to Asgard. What he wasn't prepared for was a drunk Steve Rogers crowding him against the nearest wall and kissing him within an inch of his life.

Take a Little Love Where You Can by Mireille

There's an alternate version of Tony in Tony's lab.

There's an alternate version of Tony in Tony's lab, flirting with Tony's Steve, and Tony doesn't like it.

He's going to have to do something about it.

Stranded by Neverever

Steve and Tony get stranded in Minot, North Dakota and have to share a hotel room. Tony gets bored and discovers things about Steve.

Screen Test by isozyme

Here’s the scene: Tony’s drunk in the backseat of a car, doing something he shouldn’t.

Shakedown by Sineala

The problem is, Captain America won't stop shivering.

the hope that kills you by meidui

Steve used to go on so much about freedom and choice.

If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose.

Some of the freedom he loved was big, big enough for him to lay his life down for over and over, and some of the freedom he loved was small, like the wind in his hair when he took his motorcycle out, but now he has to sob and take it when Tony sucks a deep flowering bruise where his prison uniform couldn’t possibly cover and whispers in his ear, “Who’s gonna help you now? Where are you gonna run?”

Old Dogs And New Tricks by KandiSheek

Steve discovers the joy of his prostate during a SHIELD required medical exam. He definitely wants to find out more about it. Turns out Tony is one hell of a teacher.

Pull It Up by KandiSheek

Tony temporarily gets Reed Richards' powers. Of course he's going to use them for sex.

No Barriers To Entry by KandiSheek

Silver fox Tony is too old to always get hard when he and Steve have sex anymore. That doesn't mean he can't enjoy himself when Steve sucks him off. Especially when Steve is so obviously into it.

at his side by Areiton

He meets Steve on a Sunday, wearing his old Eagles jersey and shorts so short his Mama fusses at him, and he grins, tousled curls and a devil may care grin, bare-faced and bare foot.

“Hi,” he says, and then, like an introduction is necessary, like the whole world isn’t learning his name, he adds, “I’m Tony.”

how he got here by Areiton

Tony had said, “Do you know how pretty you look, when you’re stuffed full of my cock, Steven?” 

False God by iam93percentstardust 

We might just get away with it

The altar is my hips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship this love

~

The first time Steve meets him, Gillian has all sixteen dancers sitting in a circle on the floor of the rehearsal studio, where she makes them go around the room and introduce themselves. Tony is the youngest of them at nineteen, has two cats currently in his sister’s custody, and got his start in ballet before being so inspired by the 1989 tour that he cross trained just in the hopes that one day he could dance with Sharon. Steve had made a note of it in the way that he makes a note of everyone he works with, felt a little old because he had been a dancer on the 1989 tour and now this baby is saying he was inspired by them, and then gotten distracted by the next girl.

between you & me by welcoming_disaster 

In which Tony solves puzzles and Steve punches a wall.

wildfires in the spring by meidui

Steve is pulled out of the ice on a summer morning in 2010.

(“Keep each other alive,” Colonel Fury says when Tony comes to pick Steve up.)

Role of a Lifetime by Annie D (scaramouche)

It’s been almost a year since Tony was rescued from the Ten Rings by SHIELD. In this time, Tony has forged a new path for Stark Industries and taken on a new under-the-radar role as a consultant for SHIELD. Tony’s SHIELD job eventually brings him into contact with the newest Captain America, who’s a pretty cool guy, though for security reasons Tony can’t know his real name or see his face without the Captain America mask. This is also about the time that Tony notices a certain Mr. Stevens, a new hire in SI’s corporate office...

A Just Reward by KandiSheek

Steve is sick and tired of his love life never working out. So he creates the perfect man for him, the statue of Antonio. It would be great if a man like that actually existed in real life.

Turns out there's a solution for that.

would luv more general steven(or s!3v3n) x reader hcs..

i am so sorry you caught me in the middle of vc. some of these. also i accidentally closed the fucking tab and had to rewrite all of this. i hate being a writer on tumblr.

some of these are by my friends. some of them r by me. some are funny. some are serious. Some are all and or both

i just realized these are only general steven headcanons i am so fucking sorry i was tired and it was like 4-6 am. take them anyways i'll edit like a few actual x reader ones in

_______

he doesn't get outwardly super scared, but he DOES shiver or make discontented noises when he's scared. playing horror games with him is kinda funny. if you make him play a vr horror game he will hate you forever and ever. it's rly funny tho.

he tries way too hard. with everything. pre-incident? being a role model, being cool, being a trainer, being a champion for like one month, being stereotypically romantic, etc. post-incident? being scary, being intimidating, etc.

despite this he is still very dorky and awkward. at least pre-incident. it was common. type of guy to lean on a wall but he falls

he wears light cologne. i'd say he wears axe 3-in-1 but that'd be way too rude to both me and other stevenlikers.

pre-incident he trips over his words sometimes, sometimes his tones too flat, sometimes he speaks too loudly or quietly, etc etc. Basically. 'tism.

he's good at clue, the board game.

pronounces gif like "g.i.f" ( like it's an acronym ). please, god, make fun of him for this.

his hands are always cold for no fucking reason post-incident. if you hold his hands in the summer it kind of helps the heat go away. love wins

really wanted a guitar. he's a dork so he does air guitar sometimes when no ones looking or does guitar motions while holding a long thing that isn't a guitar. He would play guitar hero and be absolutely mid at it but blue and red think he's the coolest fucking thing ever for it. This is inspired by somebody elses hc i think(????). if u read this. ur a real one and r so true.

because of this if you actually got him a guitar i think he'd make a small genuine smile. he has executive dysfunction and depression so itd probably take a while for him to actually do anything with it, but he rlly appreciates the gesture.

also kinda has a good singing voice but is better at backing vocals.

he organizes things a bit too much, which stopped during his spiral phase, but for example his pc boxes are like. a living dex, or just by pokedex number. he prob never completed his dex tho. mike though who did/almost did, has Entirely unorganized boxes. after the incident he obviously stopped caring bc depression so like. yeah. so his rooms a little unorganized and his house in general. he will silently appreciate it if you organize it for him.

never allowed miki to have eggs bc 1; gen 1 limitations. idk how that'd work in universe but that'd probably be why it didnt happen in the pokepastas. 2; as you can tell. he's kinda overprotective of miki. also charizards aren't like. very regular pokemon you find and he wouldn't want to breed her with a ditto. and would only want to allow her to if she actually found a for-life mate.

and for the x reader-ification of this in the edit bc i misread the ask, he'd also do it if ur dating him and u have a pokemon. for example, whatever starter you have and miki would b cute. straight couple.. yuri couple.. yaoi couple... love is love and miki doesnt care. its cute and they act all cuddly and snuggly with eachother probably. kinda reminds you of u an steven too

speaking of miki is larger than normal charizards and probably is built a little different literally and figuratively. stevens tall. miki is taller though. at the very least post incident Corpse Miki is. how unique she was did not help stevens rage ( getting a new one would not be nearly the same especially due to that + he would never. ) but it was a smaller factor in everything. also i do not think that thang can lay eggs post-incident. sorry if u wanted a fucked up missingno charmander.

even if the trade incident happened but miki came out alive he'd still go on a depression spiral. he probably wouldn't kill mike in the end, but he'd be much quieter, and would be even more paranoid. would probably willingly move away from mike or separate their rooms at the least. if u were dating him during this time you could probably at least still recover him from this state since its less serious but the tension would be palpable for a while.

mike is your number 1 wingman for steven swooning. he's kind of bad at being a wingman. or he's good at it. whichevers funnier in your opinion tbh. but he knows what steven likes ( at least he hopes he does ) so he gives you tips and tricks for wooing him. or he gives steven tips and tricks on wooing you because he knows both of you n hangs out with both enough to know.

this is a headcanon with basically no basis but theres a part of me that kind of likes steven and mike being born in johto or somethin'. which is why he goes to johto in doors open after the incident. he's running away from his past + kanto + it's his home region. At least for a while. so he sometimes likes to travel around with miki and you there, or to other places.

he double-checks a lot of things way too much. like if things are locked, if things are properly in place, and if wires are properly connected and not fucked up or tangled or broken ( iykyk ). if you check for him and reassure him everythings fine he'll calm down slightly, but his paranoia goes "okay but what if they didnt check enough."

if you told s!3v3n he was being a bad boy like a fucking dog when he does smth you dont like he probably would actually look like a dejected puppy for a moment and sit in a corner ( /j. maybe. )

s!3v3n's got big fuckin shadowy hands. and claws. good for backscratching or massages oddly enough, if asked for....????

steven will try to impress you by playing a videogame and doing something cool. he probably fails or almost fails at it. but its kind of endearing and cute anyways.

he's left-handed ( definitely not projecting ). for symmetry, mike is right-handed. also miki is ambidextrous. How can a Charizard be ambidextrous you ask? You know. For fun. Daisy is also ambidextrous though which is the more normal option.

i mean... steven is probably also ambidextrous with anything other than writing/drawing ( PROJECTING HARDER ).

ultimately kind of silly ( He has murdered three )

hope you enjoy :)

It's funny about the homeschooling thing: I had friends who were homeschooled and I cannot express how badly many of us wish our parents had the means to do so.

I was sick so often (bad immune system, endometriosis before they had a term for it) we had to go to court to defend ourselves for "truancy." I had straight A's. When I was there, I swept the tests. But they want you there in person, or else.

To not have had to wait in the cold or blazing heat without gear because poor and our parents had to be at work at 6am......

I know there are plenty of parents not cut out for it or who weren't trained and would give a subpar education, but wouldn't it be great if as humans we had so much time on our hands that we COULD?

Like every adult had so much time they could educate themselves on at least one or two subjects until a little human comes around and then Get Excited to tell them!! About the thing they learned!! Some adults really like space, some love crochet or woodworking - to see all your teachers (adults in your community) passionate about subjects and to have the freedom to express your own like or dislike or take breaks when you need to without judgement? To work at your own pace?? God I want for that future. Also tech can cut down on infections/flu and illness spreading because idiot schools INSIST on keeping 100's of students locked into tiny rooms with poor ventilation. Our school wouldn't let us open the windows during the heat of summer. Because reasons?? Note, we didn't have air conditioning.

thanks for sharing this.

so here's the thing: although i was homeschooled (really, more "no schooled" than anything), i was able to teach myself on the internet. when i was growing up, the internet was just really taking off (jesus christ i feel old saying that) and it enabled me to really just kind of teach myself whatever i wanted. so as i grew older, i grew more resourceful, more digitally literate and crafted my own education.

now the downside to this is that if you want to go into a highly-skilled field or something like science, mathematics, etc. that kind of thing is hard to pull off in a home setting.

for instance, i had absolutely no science "classes" during my school life because the amount of equipment and knowledge needed is far surpassed what my truck driver father and leasing agent mother could provide

keep in mind, i didn't have tutors. i didn't have in-house teachers. it was my fucking dad teaching me between his time working from 3 PM to 1 AM and my mom checking my homework when she remembered and after she got home from work at 5 PM. most days, i didn't have "school." i slept in and did whatever i wanted throughout the rest of the day. luckily, i was addicted to knowledge regardless, so it all worked out for me.

i'm not opposed to the idea of homeschooling, i should stress this. i won't necessarily go to the extremes of calling it child abuse or something like that. but i do think it's wise to remember that a school has entire staff dedicated to teaching your child and that perhaps it takes some hubris to assume you can fulfill your kids learning needs the same way that a staff of (hopefully) trained professionals can.

i think homeschooling is more possible than ever in the current digital world that we occupy. but my parents definitely didn't have the time, money, patience or any other of the valuable resources that you need to teach a kid from 1st grade to their senior year of high school. especially in the late 90's, early 00's, which is when i grew up.

and the problem is often that most parents don't actually have these resources, but still think that they're more than capable of meeting all of those needs that i mentioned before. unfortunately, this ends up hurting their kid the most when they go out into the world with absolutely no clue how to function in it socially.

Hello and happy holidays! A mutual of mine recommended me this blog and so far I'm enjoying it!

Anyway, to the question/advice.

I've been struggling with writing for a long time now due to procrastination, stress and other factors. But when I write, the inspiration is there, but the motivation is lacking. So, I ended up writing with little motivation I have.

Like this:

Life at Auradon

Chapter one draft

Anxelin waited anxiously for the bell to go off, so that she can leave this godforsaken class called Grammar.

“Who on earth named this class Grammar?” the Goth girl thought.

Anxelin carefully took out her phone from her khaki pants pocket, and turned on the phone to check the time, under the desk of course.

The time reads: 10:55 A.M.

Anxelin groaned softly. “Just 5 minutes left to leave this class. Why can’t it be now?”

The school year just started and the Goth princess already hates it. She wished she had the power to disappear from this class and appear either in her dorm room or at the Enchanted Lake where she can be more at peace.

Anxellin took a look at her work that was laid on the desk in front of her; an essay of how this year’s summer went for everyone. In addition, the teacher said that the essay should be grammatically correct.

Bollocks.

To say Anxelin’s summer was bad would be an understatement. Over this past summer, Anxelin had to go back to summer school because she failed her physics exam in late May. Anxelin tried her best to explain herself to her parents that she studied and didn’t waste any time whatsoever. Also she never wanted to go summer school anyway but Rapunzel and Eugene insisted that she must go or else repeat her previous grade, to which Anxelin didn’t want but went anyways. She honestly had no idea how she failed and she studied hard for two weeks with her friends just to get a D on her exam result. Just perfect.

Anxelin quietly slid her phone back into her pants pocket before any nosy kid sees her with it because God forbid if someone saw Anxelin using her phone in class, they would report her and she would be sent to the Headmaster Godmother’s office. And Anxelin couldn’t bother to hear a long lecture about how you’re not supposed to use your phone during class, blah, blah, blah.

Geez, she only took out the phone because she wanted to check the time, as she forgot about her watch this morning due to rush. Give her a break.

In addition, I feel like my writing isn't good enough.

What do you think of my little writing and do you have any advice for a struggling writer like me?

Writing is hard.

But, the fact that you're inspired to write is a step in the right direction! And your writing isn't bad for a beginner. You slip from past-tense into present-tense a few times, but your prose is at a reasonable place for someone who is at the beginning of their writing journey.

It's very likely the procrastination and stress you're feeling in relation to writing is being caused by confidence issues, which are very demotivating. This is normal and it's normal to feel like your writing isn't good enough. Most writers experience these feelings, especially when they're starting out.

Unfortunately, the only way to improve your writing and your confidence is to push through those feelings and write. You become a good writer through practice, and you practice through writing.

Watch this video:

So, push past your fears and write. Create a large volume of work. You'll get better and better with each and every story you write and complete.

Best of luck to you, and please let me know if you have more questions! ♥

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maybe it's a little bit early but i'm ready to do the Review and Reflection of my 2022!!

where the past two years were very static years for me with only subtle changes (yes there's a pandemic but i still had to go to work and it all blended together into a soup), THIS year set off the rube goldberg machine of Theo Quit His Job To Move To Sweden And Started Watchmaker School. SO YEAH i think i can make a list again >:)

- I QUIT MY HOTEL RECEPTIONIST JOB THANK FUCKING GOD!! on one hand, i've been incredibly glad to have had the income and stability, especially during a pandemic even though holy fuck i sure had to go to a public facing job during a pandemic, and there were many aspects of my job that i genuinely enjoyed, and i felt quite good at it. that said, thinking about my job now triggers a spike of anxiety through my brain, and i was planning to quit sometime already last year. all of my good and cool coworkers quit shortly before me and i had to train all the new ones (including the new manager!) and i hope i never have to work at a hotel ever again or interact with cops that much. i gave myself so many headaches trying to accomodate all the guests to the best of my very limited abilities - there's only so much i can do with old building inaccessibilities (the elevator didn't even go to the top floor) (most of the bathroom doors were not wide enough for wheelchairs) (COULDN'T WE AT LEAST BUY SOME SHOWER STOOLS?) and the lack of AC. and while my wages were livable enough, i don't think i got paid nearly enough to compromise my personal morals and ethics on a regular basis. that's capitalism for you i guess. ANYWAY GLAD TO BE OUT OF THERE

- i got into watchmaker school!!!!!! i was looking into this and preparing for it already last year, trying to figure out what to DO and where to GO, and it's a huge relief to me that i actually got in!!! a new and exciting step for whatever my future will turn out to be!! :D

- as a result i didn't only move out of my town but out of my country. for now. but now i get to live in an itty bitty garage-turned-house by myself and it's WONDERFUL. this is my first time living entirely by myself!!! i love it!!!!!! yes i will have to temporarily move out in the summers when the houseowner wants to use the space as a tourist season airbnb, but getting to be in control of my own environment is very healing and affirming to me. i spent so much of my teenage/early adult years thinking i'll never be able to handle adult life, but here i am!! thriving!!!!! i am more self sufficient and capable than i ever thought i'd be!!!

- my summer was incredibly chaotic due to all of the moving out and moving in and uncertainty of whether i'd get into school or not et cetera, BUT i did get to visit the czech republic again for the first time since december 2019. it was good to see my family and my childhood best friend again.

- i got to meet several close friends i haven't gotten to see in person for a long time. i got to spend some good quality time with friends i lived close to, as well (that i now miss so so much). i made some new friends that are very dear and important to me.

- i got really super into S & D tier this year, and my brainworms have calmed their wrigging since i've been busy with school and all these other life things, but it's such a wonderful series that i'm absolutely thrilled to have discovered. it even got me making fanfic, and it felt really good to get back into writing again!!

- i think i got a new tattoo earlier this year? so much has happened since march that it feels like a completely different year! it's also very small compared to all the tattoos i got during 2020 and 2021, but i didn't have much else going for me then. so.

- i wish i had like, anything to report regarding my gender transition, but all i've done has been like... 2? video consultations with the trans clinic? and zero progress? i don't want to think about it too hard because it makes me want to tear my hair out. I'M HANGING IN THERE

TO CONCLUDE. this year has been one of huge changes in my life!! i am thoroughly overwhelmed by it but doing my best to ride the waves!! i am being so so brave and pursuing the things i want to do!!!! every now and then things turn out Good and i have to confront the reality of Sometimes Things Are Very Good and it's a little bit like a blinding light too bright to look at directly, because i'm a little burnt out, i'm lightly toasted, and i'm taking on these big things and trying to change along with them, and it's a lot but ultimately worth it, yes? yes.

So, it is the last day of the year... Let's reflect, shall we... You probably all know what happened at the end of last year. My husband got sick, I brought him to the hospital thinking it is an easy fix and then he was basically dying with sepsis. So yeah, that was... not great. Especially with all the complications that arose. He is home now, but he is not healthy yet. We have at least one surgery left and it will happen in January and then I hope he can finally go into rehab for good. The good news are, he is getting better and better at home, he even can stand for a few seconds, so I am positive a proper rehab can be done towards the end. He will be disabled for a good while though. Anyway, this year has been a challenge, both emotionally and physically, because I was suddenly alone and had to handle things that my husband normally does. I kinda realized I am stronger than I look then because carrying two sixpacks of 1,5 l water bottles was impossible for me once. It isn't anymore. I tried being creative when I found time, but I had to admit to myself that it isn't happening somewhen in Summer, so I went on hiatus, only writing when I truly had nothing else to do and going on a complete art hiatus. I miss it though. I want to write and draw regularly again, but there are still too many things in my mind. Mainly the stuff with my driver's licence because for some reason me running to my husband in hospital while in distress and accidentally damaging a car while parking which I didn't even notice is a warrant to punish me really really hard. I am still salty about that, yes! So how did I cope? Easily with indulging myself in video games: Let me put that under the cut:

When the thing with my husband first happened I barely was able to do anything. I was mostly cleaning and tidying up the apartment and then watch videos on Youtube because if I broke out in tears during this it was easy to pause and blow my nose. It took a few days and my husband getting better so that I could try and do other stuff again. And I really really indulged myself into Pokémon Scarlet. The games were pretty fresh during that time and I played them a little but not much, but now... I was hooked. I had days off work and if I wasn't visiting my husband, I would sit in front of my Switch and play Pokémon Scarlet and my god, did I love it! The story, the characters, the open world, the music... yes they are technical not well programmed, but I did never mind because that game gave me a peace of mind. Even after I finished the story I sat there each evening doing the Tera Raids. I love the Tera raids. Gen. 9 games are easily my favourite Pokémon games since Gen. 4 and funnily enough, when Gen. 4 came out I also had a hard time in my life, so I guess Pokémon is like my therapy game now... But of course I wasn't playing Pokémon the whole year. After I was done with it, I decided to finally finish Darkest Dungeon with a little help of one of my Discord servers. I pretty much only had the Darkest Dungeon left, but it takes a while because a group that went into it will never enter it again, so you basically have to level up four teams for each quest and that only if you don't fail it. Anyway, I had the game on hiatus for a whole year, so it felt good to finally finish it. And then I was like "Oh, I remember Anno 1800. I bought the History version a while ago but never played it. Let's do it." I then installed the game and was like "Hmmm, maybe I should get the other DLCs as well?" and they were on sale so I just got the last pack and started Anno 1800 with all DLCs activated.

And I got hooked for the first part of 2023. God, I played this game a lot. I also streamed it to friends so they could indulge in the towns that are being build up. Me and my friend Panda called it the "Autism game" because it basically is like building up your own miniature model town, only that everything is alive and moves around. The game however, can get overwhelming, especially with all DLCs, so I wasn't able to play it lately. I want to come back to it though. I also got myself into the Cooking Mama games when I was depressed and browsed Amazon for used DS games to see if I can get some nice deals. I bought the first Cooking Mama, tried it and was hooked. After a while I decided to buy the rest of the series and had five games to play for my DS and 3DS. I finished them all and they were a really good time. They also renewed my interest in trying new recipes at home, but that has to wait until my husband is better. And then I downloaded Final Fantasy 14, in an attempt to connect better to my husband because he played this game a lot before he became sick. I quickly got hooked, mostly because of the music. I upgraded to the full game even before I finished Heavensward (which is included in the free trial) and am currently at Endwalker and wow, just wow! There are flaws of course, but this story has been a roller coaster and I really have fun with the group content like the dungeons and the alliance raids and stuff! I hope my husband can go back to his character soon (his hands bother him still so he doesn't want to play) so we can play together. And that after I was like "Nah, after WoW I will never play a MMO again." Whoops... Speaking of Final Fantasy, in February TheatRhythm Final Bar Line released and I played the shit out of that game! I love the FF music, I love rhythm games, it is a match made in heaven. I even tried my hand on the supreme scores and they are truly super duper hard! Could only clear them with a full healer team, but playing them also meant that ultimate felt easy... I also played a charming indie game named Ato at the start of the year. It is basically a Metroidvania bossrush, but a really really good one with hidden lore you can find in the world. The final boss had me in tears and the music was so so good! I wholeheartedly recommend this game. It isn't super long either, you can finish that game in eight to ten hours depending on your skill.

In summer there released the new Harvest Moon and Story of Seasons games, but I kinda wasn't hooked with them. I will probably play them more once my husband is better. Instead, however, I got hooked by Rune Factory 3. I bought both 3 and 4 Special Edition for my Switch and decided to play 3 for and this game is so charming and I love the characters a lot and the gameplay loop is fun and ugh, why didn't I play these games sooner?! Yeah, I played RF3 a lot and I still have to finish it, but my husband mostly has the Switch at the moment and he deserves it after being away for a whole year ^^ Speaking of the Switch, Metroid Prime Remastered! My birthday gift for myself. The game is as fantastic as ever and even though I didn't 100 % it, I got a lot of the items and then beat the final boss. And speaking of big Nintendo IPs, Zelda Tears of the Kingdom. Like BotW it needed a while to grip me, but once it did, I was fascinated! I still have to finish it however, it is a big game and it will keep me busy for a while longer. Now it is the end of the year. I am still busy with FF14 and Zelda ToTK. Pokémon DLC released and I wanna play that. And I bought Lies of P for my PS5 and love it so far! I am updating you guys about Lies of P regularly and sometimes about FF14 and Zelda. Also, I decided to use my Steamdeck more, so I play a dungeon crawler named Silent Hope on it (from the Story of Seasons developers, that got me interested) and I started a cozy game named Potion Permit. Of course I threw my Laurence into it. Feels fitting for him to be a chemist xD What will the new year bring? Hopefully my husband will be better and will be able to walk again. Other than that, I hope that I keep my licence. And then... I just hope that I can continue being creative and if not... I keep playing my games.

Hi, I'm in dire need of advice (if you feel like providing it). How does one get over a crush? I have the biggest crush on a friend and I'm ace so this never happens to me, but somehow I am just mesmerised by her. And I thought I finally got over it during the summer when we didn't see each other at uni all the time, but now she has invited me to join her in a christmas play inspired by the grimm fairy tales (we study german) and said that I'd be a perfect princess, a beautiful belle from beauty and the beast and now I can't wait stop thinking about her again

god, i wish i had some solid advice like 'oh this thing x helps for sure' but from one person who rarely gets curshes to another: moving on is hard and sucks big time. and there is no 'one method fits all'. from what i read between the lines, the crush being reciprocated doesn't seem a possibility? (because if it did there wouldn't be a reason to move on just now? or at least not until you tried to figure out if she is interested or not... 👀). so. i found that, for me, putting distance between me and my crush doesn't really work (unless the distance stretches for years. then it's different. but with people you see regularly it never worked for me). the moment the person reenters my life, echos of the feelings are reignited until they return in full force. it's very, very annoying. it's almost that, when i don't see someone for a while, the feelings Do get less but i also Don't Deal with them in a way that helps me to move on. in a weird way, exposure therapy is the way for me to deal with feelings for people, especially when i want to keep in my life. and i don't mean hangout with them one-on-one and make yourself miserable, but don't Don't hang out with them. personally, i hung out with these crushes in groups. depending on your crush and the hang out setting it can work like a cold shower in many different ways. and just being around them without there even being the possibility of things happening always gave me moments to kind of reorganise my feelings about them over time. it's not as much that the feelings went away completely, more that they transformed into something less romantic and more platonic. it usually takes some time tho. and just like so many things it's uncomfortable and painful and awkward at times. and to end up having a platonic crush or just platonic feelings in general for someone is different.

so, i'd probably take the opportunity to do the play because it sound like a great opportunity to meet new people and maybe even make some new friends! live your life, do your thing, hang out with friends, have fun.... the feelings will pass eventually. as contrived as it sounds it is true. at least they'll change. and that's something.

i think with feelings of any kind it's often just sitting with them and in them and waiting them out. as a little aside, i always look for refuge in literature and poetry when i am in the thick of it. it's a great way to remind yourself that you're not the first and by far not the last person to experience these feelings. there is solace in that, at least for me. if you have someone in your life you trust with this, it's also always great to share these unrequited crushes with friends/family. everyone has had them, and sharing stories and feelings about them can help as well in the same way literature can help. sometimes just having someone give you a hug and tell you that yeah it sucks can make you feel better.

i know this advice is not very action based, but i haven't found something that helps in a more immediate way. i hope that whatever happens you'll be able to come out more you on the other side of the experience <3

oh my god tolerate it by taylor for denzo!

Enzo getting out of the cell but still not over Damon while Damon has a whole life without him now

"While you were out building other worlds, where was I?"

But Damon cared about him so much in 50s? what happened?

"Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire?"

but Enzo obviously cares about him as much even now while Damon cares about Elena more

"I made you my temple, my mural, my sky

Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life

Drawing hearts in the byline

Always taking up too much space or time"

don’t even get me started on whole “what if i took this dagger in me and removed it” because enzo quite literally killed himself to get damon to care

YOU'RE RIGHT!! YOU'RE SO RIGHT!!

The lyrics fit a little too well but honestly, that's the case for a lot of Taylor Swift songs and Denzo. They just go hand in hand, really. I will prepare you, I did just sit for roughly 6 hours going through every single Taylor Swift song and working out which specific lyrics fit Damon and Enzo, so this is a rather lengthy answer to... a question that you didn't even really ask, to be honest. But I hope that you get some enjoyment out of this anyway!

From her first album, we have "Tim McGraw" but only these lyrics below because imagine Damon and Enzo on their murder spree, so it gets a rating of about 2/10 for Denzo vibes

"On backroads at night And I was right there beside him all summer long And then the time we woke up to find that summer gone"

Coming in with some heavier Denzo vibes, we have "Pictures to Burn" which is already off to a good start considering it has burn in the title

"State the obvious, I didn't get my perfect fantasy I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy"

"There's no time for tears I'm just sitting here planning my revenge"

Tell me that doesn't sound like Enzo. 3/10 because those lines are perfect but none of the other lines really fit.

"I'm Only Me When I'm With You" gets a solid 8/10 because nearly the entire song is just written for Damon and Enzo

"Sometimes we don't say a thing Just listen to the crickets sing Everything I need is right here by my side

And I know everything about you I don't wanna live without you

I'm only up when you're not down Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground It's like no matter what I do Well, you drive me crazy half the time The other half I'm only trying To let you know that what I feel is true And I'm only me when I'm with you"

"Living in the crazy world Trying to figure out what is and isn't true And I don't try to hide my tears My secrets or my deepest fears Through it all nobody gets me like you do

And you know everything about me You say that you can't live without me"

"When I'm with anybody else It's so hard to be myself And only you can tell"

And on a similiar note of songs just being written for them, "Invisible" is another great example, scoring at a beautiful 7/10 for angsty Enzo point of view and his jealousy of Damon and Elena, ESPECIALLY if his own feelings are unrequited

"There's a fire inside of you That can't help but shine through She's never gonna see the light No matter what you do And all I think about is how to make you think of me And everything that we could be"

"And I just wanna show you She don't even know you She's never gonna love you like I want to"

"A Perfectly Good Heart" also has a similarly angsty feel to it, focusing on the fire of Augustine and scoring it a 5/10

"Maybe I should've seen the signs, should've read the writing on the wall And realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall No matter what you say I still can't believe That you would walk away It don't make sense to me but"

ONTO ALBUM 2. FEARLESS.

Only about one verse from "Fearless" fits the Denzo narrative so we're gonna give it a 2/10 because while the verse is good if you imagine it during their murder spree, it takes a bit more imagination than canon

"So baby drive slow 'Til we run out of road in this one horse town I wanna stay right here in this passenger seat You put your eyes on me In this moment now capture it, remember it"

"Love Story" scores a good 5/10 with the focus on them going on their murder spree together (but also the lyrics can fit well with Damon's call to Enzo telling him he'll go to Cape Horn with him)

"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes" Romeo, save me, they're tryna tell me how to feel This love is difficult, but it's real Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes""

"I got tired of waiting Wonderin' if you were ever comin' around My faith in you was fading When I met you on the outskirts of town"

"White Horse" again doesn't have much of a denzo vibe unless you're looking at the chorus with angsty unrequited lenses so let's go with maybe a 4/10 or a 5/10

"As I paced back and forth all this time 'Cause I honestly believed in you Holdin' on, the days drag on"

"Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes And never really had a chance My mistake, I didn't know to be in love You had to fight to have the upper hand I had so many dreams about you and me Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet Lead her up the stairwell This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town I was a dreamer before you went and let me down Now it's too late for you and your white horse To come around"

Let's be honest, "You Belong With Me" is kind of hilarious to imagine as a Denzo song but at the same time, part of the chorus does work again for an angsty, jealous Enzo! Gonna give it a 2/10

"If you could see that I'm the one Who understands you" "So, why can't you see? You belong with me"

"Breathe" is like... THEIR song okay. But specifically from Damon's point of view after leaving Enzo in Augustine and then proceeding to spend 50 years with no humanity because he left him. 9/10

"I see your face in my mind as I drive away, 'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way" "It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see 'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down, Now I don't know what to be without you around"

"And we know it's never simple, Never easy Never a clean break, no one here to save me You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can't, Breathe, Without you, But I have to, Breathe, Without you, But I have to"

"Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt" "It's two am Feelin' like I just lost a friend Hope you know it's not easy, Easy for me"

"Tell Me Why" feels like Damon thinking that Enzo thought it was easy for him to just walk away and leave him in Augustine and that it didn't hurt him, but it did, and then Enzo feels like Damon doesn't want him around once he comes back. 6/10

"I took a chance, I took a shot And you might think I'm bulletproof but I'm not You took a swing, I took it hard And down here from the ground, I see who you are" "I'm feeling like I don't know you You tell me that you love me, then you cut me down And I need you like a heartbeat" "I'm sick and tired of your reasons I got no one to believe in You tell me that you want me, then push me around And I need you like a heartbeat"

"You're Not Sorry" is again an angsty Enzo song. Actually, most of these are, aren't they? Scratch what I said about all Taylor Swift songs being written for Denzo, they're written for ENZO. 7/10

"And all you do is let me down And it's taking me this long Baby but I figured you out And you're thinking we'll be fine again But not this time around" "And you can tell me that you're sorry But I don't believe you baby" "Could've loved you all my life If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold"

"The Way I Loved You" honestly has more Bamon vibes with Enzo being the charming other man, but the chorus also works for Denzo. 5/10

"But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain And it's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name So in love that you act insane And that's the way I loved you Breaking down and coming undone It's a roller coaster kind of rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you" "And you were wild and crazy Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated Got away by some mistake and now"

"Forever & Always" I'd give about a 4/10 because these particular lyrics make me feel some denzo things

"'Cause one second it was perfect, now you're halfway out the door"

"Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure

So here's to everything coming down to nothing Here's to silence, that cuts me to the core Where is this going? Thought I knew for a minute, but I don't anymore"

"Change" as an Augustine Denzso song specifically is... so interesting. 6/10

"So we've been outnumbered Raided and now cornered It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair We're getting stronger now" "But we're faster and never scared You can walk away, say we don't need this But there's something in your eyes Says we can beat this" "Can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down It's a revolution, the time will come For us to finally win

Tonight we'll stand, get off our knees Fight for what we've worked for all these years And the battle was long, it's the fight of our lives But we'll stand up champions tonight"

"Jump Then Fall" starts off with an Augustine Denzo vibe, and the verse I've included feels sort of like Damon after Enzo came back and he was sticking by him even though Stefan and Elena and literally everyone wanted him to give up on him. 2/10

"Don't be afraid to jump then fall Jump then fall into me Baby, I'm never gonna leave you Say that you wanna be with me too 'Cause I'ma stay through it all So jump then fall

The bottom's gonna drop out from under our feet I'll catch you, I'll catch you When people say things that bring you to your knees I'll catch you"

To be fair, a lot of "Come in With the Rain" feels like Denzo to me but I can really only pinpoint two lines that actually feel like I could explain WHY, and that's because I imagine it as Damon not wanting to remember or talk about Enzo because it would also mean remembering and talking about Augustine. 1/10 but to me it's higher

"I could go back to every laugh But I don't wanna go there anymore"

ALBUM 3. SPEAK NOW.

"Mine" but specifically this one verse because it reminds me of Damon being infected with the ripper virus and telling Enzo to leave, but Enzo refusing and staying with him even at risk to himself. 2/10

"Braced myself for the goodbye, 'Cause that's all I've ever known Then, you took me by surprise You said, "I'll never leave you alone""

"Sparks Fly" from Damon's point of view because yes. 3/10

"And you stood there in front of me just Close enough to touch Close enough to hope you couldn't see What I was thinking of" "My mind forgets to remind me, you're a bad idea" "I'm on my guard for the rest of the world But with you I know its no good"

"Back to December" is also very much THEIR song, from Damon's point of view of course after leaving Enzo in Augustine. 9/10

"Your guard is up and I know why Because the last time you saw me Is still burned in the back of your mind" "So this is me swallowin' my pride Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night" "It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright" "You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye"

"Maybe this is wishful thinkin' Probably mindless dreamin' But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't"

This one verse in "Mean" from Enzo's point of view, but also a little bit of Damon in that scene where he has his hand in Enzo's chest and they're going for each other's throats and Enzo asks if he ever even thought about him and Damon said no with tears in his eyes. It would be a 2/10 for the whole song but for this verse specifically it's 4/10

"You, with your words like knives And swords and weapons that you use against me You have knocked me off my feet again Got me feeling like I'm nothing You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard Calling me out when I'm wounded"

Huh, "The Story of Us" actually does kind of feel like the story of Denzo in a way. 6/10

"And I'm dying to know Is it killing you like it's killing me? Yeah

I don't know what to say since the twist of fate When it all broke down

And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now" "I'm starting to think one day, I'll tell the story of us How I was losing my mind when I saw you here But you held your pride like you should've held me" "This is looking like a contest Of who can act like they care less But I liked it better when you were on my side The battle's in your hands now But I would lay my armor down If you said you'd rather love than fight"

"Enchanted" BUT it's only this verse and it's the scene where Damon sees Enzo again for the first time at Whitmore. 2/10 (but again, that verse alone is more of a 6/10)

"Your eyes whispered, "Have we met?" 'Cross the room your silhouette Starts to make its way to me The playful conversation starts Counter all your quick remarks Like passing notes in secrecy"

Take these two lines from "Better Than Revenge" out of context and put it in Enzo's point of view of Damon leaving him. 1/10

"I never saw it coming, nor would I have suspected it I underestimated just who I was dealing with"

I think I've done it. I've found the most Denzo Taylor Swift song, and I think it is "Haunted." Think Augustine. Think angst. 9/10 (Maybe even 10/10, to be honest...)

"You and I walk a fragile line I have known it all this time But I never thought I'd live to see it break It's getting dark and it's all too quiet And I can't trust anything now And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake Oh, I'm holding my breath Won't los you again Something's made your eyes go cold Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Something's gone terribly wrong You're all I wanted Come on, come on, don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Can't breathe whenever you're gone Can't turn back now, I'm haunted Stood there and watched you walk away From everything we had But I still mean every word I said to you"

"Last Kiss" is another Augustine song. 4/10

"I still remember the look on your face Lit through the darkness at 1:58 The words that you whispered for just us to know You told me you loved me So why did you go away? Away" "Never imagined we'd end like this Your name, forever the name on my lips"

"Ours" is more of an optimistic one but also similar to how Damon felt when Stefan and everyone were telling him Enzo was bad news and shouldn't be in his life. And I included that last verse because I thought it was funny in the context of Lily. 5/10

"Seems like there's always someone who disapproves They'll judge it like they know about me and you And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do The jury's out, but my choice is you"

"The stakes are high, the water's rough But this love is ours You never know what people have up their sleeves Ghosts from your past gonna jump out at me Lurking in the shadows with their lip gloss smiles"

And here we have another Augustine song: "If This Was A Movie"

"Six months gone and I'm still reaching Even though I know you're not there I was playing back a thousand memories, baby Thinking 'bout everything we've been through Maybe I've been going back too much lately When time stood still and I had you Come back, come back, come back to me like You would, you would if this was a movie" "Come back, come back, come back to me like You could, you could if you just said you're sorry I know that we could work it out somehow But if this was a movie you'd be here by now" "If you're out there If you're somewhere If you're moving on I'll be waiting for you Wary, since you've been gone I just want it back the way it was before"

"Superman" because this verse just makes me think of Damon not caring how everyone else feels about Enzo, just that he cares deeply about him and that's all that matter.

"Something in his deep brown eyes has me singing He's not all bad like his reputation And I can't hear one single word they said And you leave, got places to be and I'll be okay I always forget to tell you I love you I loved you from the very first day"

"State of Grace" 6/10

"We are alone with our changing minds We fall in love 'til it hurts or bleeds, or fades in time

And I never (never) Saw you coming And I'll never (never) Be the same" "You come around and the armor falls" "We are alone, just you and me" "So you were never a saint And I've loved in shades of wrong We learn to live with the pain Mosaic broken hearts But this love is brave and wild" "Love is a ruthless game Unless you play it good and right These are the hands of fate You're my Achilles heel"

"Red" is from Damon's point of view and his regret after Augustine. 5/10

"Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly" "Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong" "Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go But moving on from him is impossible When I still see it all in my head In burning red Burning, it was red"

"Treacherous" SCREAMS Damon and Enzo. 9/10

"Put your lips close to mine As long as they don't touch Out of focus, eye to eye 'Til the gravity's too much And I'll do anything you say If you say it with your hands And I'd be smart to walk away But you're quicksand This slope is treacherous This path is reckless This slope is treacherous And I, I, I like it I can't decide if it's a choice Getting swept away I hear the sound of my own voice Asking you to stay" "Two headlights shine through the sleepless night And I will get you, and get you alone"

You would expect "I Knew You Were Trouble" to have more of a denzo vibe, and there are a few lines that it comes through in! 4/10 it gets an extra point for the general vibe being Denzo-like.

"'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in So shame on me now"

"And the saddest fear Comes creepin' in That you never loved me"

"All Too Well" is a painful song in general, but adding a little layer of angst from Enzo's point of view just makes it more painful. 2/10

"And maybe we got lost in translation Maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well"

"22" fits the vibe of happy, murder husbands Denzo. 2/10

"We're happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way It's miserable and magical, oh yeah Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks It's time, oh-oh"

"Stay Stay Stay" from Damon's point of view. 3/10

"Before you, I'd only dated self indulgent takers"

"You took the time to memorize me My fears, my hopes and dreams"

"It's been occurring to me I'd like to hang out with you For my whole life"

"The Last Time" because Enzo just wants to know that Damon wants him after Augustine. 3/10

"And right before your eyes I'm breaking No past, no reasons why Just you and me

This is the last time I'm asking you this Put my name at the top of your list This is the last time I'm asking you why You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye"

"Sad Beautiful Tragic" 2/10 but owie.

"We had a beautiful magic love there What a sad beautiful tragic love affair" "And time Is taking its sweet time erasing you"

"Everything Has Changed" but it's just those two lines as Damon's thoughts upon meeting Enzo for the first time in Augustine. 1/10

"All I know is a simple name And everything has changed"

ALBUM 4. 1989.

"Blank Space" because a little bit crazy and toxic Denzo is one of my favourite flavours. 5/10

"So it's gonna be forever Or it's gonna go down in flames You can tell me when it's over, mm If the high was worth the pain Got a long list of ex-lovers They'll tell you I'm insane" "I get drunk on jealousy But you'll come back each time you leave 'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream"

"Style" for the same reason as above. 3/10

"Could end in burning flames or paradise Fade into view, oh It's been a while since I have even heard from you" "And I should just tell you to leave 'cause I Know exactly where it leads, but I Watch us go 'round and 'round each time"

"Out of the Woods" as a whole, but specifically these lines because OUCH. 6/10

"Remember when we couldn't take the heat? I walked out, I said "I'm setting you free" But the monsters turned out to be just trees When the sun came up you were looking at me"

"All You Had to Do Was Stay" for angsty purposes, once again post-Augustine and from Enzo's point of view. 5/10

"Hey, all you had to do was stay Had me in the palm of your hand Then why'd you have to go and lock me out when I let you in?"

"I Wish You Would" 5/10 for Enzo angst.

"I wish you would come back"

"I wish you knew that I'd never forget you as long as I'd live"

"We're a crooked love In a straight line down Makes you wanna run and hide"

"Wish you knew that I miss you too much to be mad anymore"

Basically all of "Bad Blood" which makes a lot of sense. 10/10

"'Cause baby, now we got bad blood You know it used to be mad love So take a look what you've done Now we got problems And I don't think we can solve 'em You made a really deep cut" "Did you have to do this? I was thinking that you could be trusted Did you have to ruin What was shining? Now it's all rusted" "Oh, it's so sad to think about the good times You and I" "Now did you think it all through? All these things will catch up to you And time can heal, but this won't So if you come in my way, just don't"

"Wildest Dreams" 8/10 maybe even a 9/10 because, again, this is my favourite flavour of Denzo to daydream about.

"He said, "Let's get out of this town Drive out of the city, away from the crowds" I thought Heaven can't help me now Nothing lasts forever" "He's so tall and handsome as hell He's so bad, but he does it so well I can see the end as it begins" "I said, "No one has to know what we do"" "Nothing lasts forever But this is getting good now" "You'll see me in hindsight Tangled up with you all night Burning it down Someday when you leave me I bet these memories Follow you around"

This part of "How You Get the Girl" just makes me think strongly about both Damon's and Enzo's persistence to stick by the other, no matter what has happened in the past (and even because of the past). 3/10

"And then you say I want you for worse or for better I would wait for ever and ever Broke your heart, I'll put it back together I would wait for ever and ever"

"This Love" has some haunted Damon vibes but from Enzo's point of view. 6/10

"High tide came and brought you in And I could go on and on, on and on, and I will Skies grew darker Currents swept you out again And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone In silent screams In wildest dreams I never dreamed of this This love is good This love is bad This love is alive back from the dead, oh, oh, oh These hands had to let it go free, and This love came back to me"

"I Know Places" satisfies the Murder Husbands side of Denzo fairly well, with them on their murder spree but trying to hide at the same time. 7/10

"Baby, I know places we won't be found and They'll be chasing their tails trying to track us down 'Cause I, I know places we can hide I know places" "Just grab my hand and don't ever drop it My love"

"Wonderland" is kind of perfect for their murder spree actually. Those last two lines also feel kind of Augustine-era because 'Wonderland' could be an interesting metaphor for that. 7/10

"Flashing lights and we Took a wrong turn and we Fell down a rabbit hole You held on tight to me 'Cause nothing's as it seems And spinning out of control" "We found Wonderland You and I got lost in it And we pretended it could last forever" "So we went on our way Too in love to think straight All alone, or so it seemed But there were strangers watching And whispers turned to talking And talking turned to screams" "I reached for you But you were gone" "You search the world for something else To make you feel like what we had And in the end, in Wonderland, we both went mad"

"You Are in Love" AUGUSTINE. And that last one makes me think of the scene where Damon changes his mind about killing Aaron and he and Enzo are just out on the road, and you can see it on both their face. 7/10

"One look, dark room Meant just for you Time moved too fast You play it back" "You can hear it in the silence" "And for once, you let go Of your fears and your ghosts One step, not much But it said enough"

"New Romantics" is a fun Denzo vibe in a kind of twisted way when you think about these lines as Damon leaving Enzo. 5/10

"We're all here The lights and noise are blinding We hang back It's all in the timing It's poker He can't see it in my face But I'm about to play my Ace "We need love But all we want is danger We team up Then switch sides like a record changer The rumors are terrible and cruel But honey, most of them are true" "Please leave me stranded It's so romantic"

ALBUM 5. REPUTATION. (This'll be fun.)

"Ready For It" is SUCH a Denzo song, I mean, COME ON. 8/10

"Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted But if he's a ghost, then I can be a phantom Holdin' him for ransom"

"I see nothing better, I keep him forever Like a vendetta-ta"

"But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist And we'll move to an island, and

And he can be my jailer, Burton to this Taylor Every lover known in comparison is a failure I forget their names now, I'm so very tame now Never be the same now, now"

"End Game" okay for some Denzo reunion angst. 3/10

"Reconnected when we were little bit older Both sprung, I got issues and chips on both of my shoulders" "And you understand the good and bad" "For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities I've made mistakes, and made some choices that's hard to deny"

I declare "I Did Something Bad" to be Damon's theme song. 8/10

"I can feel the flames on my skin Crimson red paint on my lips"

"They say I did something bad But why's it feel so good? Most fun I ever had And I'd do it over and over and over again if I could It just felt so good, good" "This is how the world works You gotta leave before you get left" "I can feel the flames on my skin He says, "Don't throw away a good thing""

"Don't Blame Me" is a 10/10 Denzo Murder Husbands son.

"Don't blame me, love made me crazy If it doesn't, you ain't doin' it right" "Something happened for the first time, in The darkest little paradise Shakin, pacin', I just need you" "For you, I would cross the line I would waste my time I would lose my mind They say, "She's He's gone too far this time"" "And baby, for you, I (I) would (would) fall from grace"

"Delicate" my GOD, the beauty of this song paired with post-Augustine Denzo. 8/10

"My reputation's never been worse, so You must like me for me We can't make any promises Now can we, babe? But you can make me a drink" "Just think of the fun things we could do 'Cause I like you" "Handsome, you're a mansion with a view Do the girls back home touch you like I do?" "Stay here, honey, I don't want to share" "Sometimes when I look into your eyes I pretend you're mine, all the damn time"

"Look What You Made Me Do" is an Enzo song. We may have just found his theme song as well. 8/10

"I don't like your little games" "The role you made me play of the fool No, I don't like you" "But I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time I got a list of names, and yours is in red, underlined"

Okay, but "So It Goes..." is THEIR song now. I know I've said that like three times now, but I MEAN it. 9/10

"See you in the dark All eyes on you, my magician" "You make everyone disappear, and Cut me into pieces Gold cage, hostage to my feelings Back against the wall" "'Cause we breakdown a little But when you get me alone, it's so simple 'Cause baby, I know what you know We can feel it" "And all the pieces fall Right into place Getting caught up in a moment Lipstick Blood on your face So it goes I'm yours to keep And I'm yours to lose You know I'm not a bad girl boy But I do bad things with you So it goes" "Met you in a bar All eyes on me, your illusionist All eyes on us I make all your gray days clear" "You did a number on me But honestly, baby, who's counting? I did a number on you But honestly, baby, who's counting?"

"Gorgeous" because Enzo will pine forever. 5/10

"Ocean blue eyes looking in mine I feel like I might sink and drown and die"

"And I'm so furious At you for making me feel this way"

"You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have"

"Getaway Car" for angsty Augustine reasons. But also Murder Husbands. 5/10

"It was the best of times, the worst of crimes"

""X" marks the spot where we fell apart"

"Don't pretend it's such a mystery Think about the place where you first met me Ridin' in a getaway car There were sirens in the beat of your heart Should've known I'd be the first to leave Think about the place where you first met me"

"It was the great escape, the prison break The light of freedom on my face"

"We were jet-set, Bonnie and Clyde (Oh-oh) Until I switched to the other side To the other side It's no surprise I turned you in (Oh-oh) 'Cause us traitors never win"

"King of My Heart" this specific part again makes me think of them meeting up on that road in the middle of the night, and the look that they give each other after killing Aaron where they literally look a second away from kissing. 2/10

"Late in the night, the city's asleep Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep Change my priorities The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury"

"Dancing With Our Hands Tied" is such a beautiful song and while the whole thing doesn't fit with them, the parts that do just fit so well. 7/10

"I, I loved you in secret First sight, yeah, we love without reason Oh, twenty-five years old" "People started talking, putting us through our paces I knew there was no one in the world who could take it I had a bad feeling" "I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us" "I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted" "Swaying as the room burned down"

These first five lines of "Dress" from Enzo's point of view, and the last two in Damon's. 6/10

"They've got no idea about me and you"

"All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation My hands are shaking from holding back from you"

"Inescapable, I'm not even gonna try And if I get burned, at least we were electrified"

"Everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about"

"Flashback when you met me"

"Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me Flashback to my mistakes"

"Even in my worst lies, you saw the truth of me"

"This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" 2/10

"It was so nice being friends again There I was giving you a second chance But you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand" "And here's to you 'Cause forgiveness is a nice thing to do"

"New Year's Day" for some post-Aaron murder husbands vibes. 3/10

"There's glitter on the floor after the party"

"You and me from the night before"

"But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes"

"Hold on to the memories They will hold on to you"

ALBUM 7. LOVER.

Starting with "I Forgot That You Existed" the first line is from Enzo's point of view, then the rest are from Damon's, of course, and how he turned off his humanity to leave him in Augustine. 5/10

"How many days did I spend Thinkin' 'bout how you did me wrong, wrong, wrong?"

"But then something happened one magical night

I forgot that you existed And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't And it was so nice So peaceful and quiet

I forgot that you existed It isn't love, it isn't hate It's just indifference"

"Cruel Summer" 1/10

"Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes What doesn't kill me makes me want you more" "He looks up grinning like a devil"

"Lover" from Enzo's point of view because we need some fluff and sweetness 2/10

"Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?" "Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever?" "My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue All's well that ends well to end up with you Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover"

"The Archer" has more Enzo vibes than Denzo, but some of the lines fit in nicely for them, so I'll include it. 3/10

"Dark side, I search for your dark side" "The room is on fire, invisible smoke"

"I've been the archer, I've been the prey Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? But who could stay?" "'Cause all of my enemies started out friends Help me hold onto you"

"I Think He Knows" just for this one part because it once again just screams that night on the road, and Enzo convincing Damon to come along with him. 1/10

"So where we gonna go? I whisper in the dark Where we gonna go? I think he knows"

"Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince" because Danzo running off together is one of my favourite things, and also sad, pining Damon phoning Enzo begging him to run away with him. 1/10

"We're so sad, we paint the town blue Voted most likely to run away With you" "And I don't want you to (go) I don't really wanna (fight) 'Cause nobody's gonna (win) I think you should come home"

"Paper Rings" again because them running away together makes me very happy, this time with a side of pining Enzo. 2/10

"I want to drive away with you I want your complications too I want your dreary Mondays Wrap your arms around me, baby boy"

"Cornelia Street" just for a sliver of angst. 1/10

"And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends" "That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend"

"Death By A Thousand Cuts" for some more Augustine/post-Augustine angst, mostly from Enzo's point of view, but the second line is more Damon. 2/10

"Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts" "I get drunk, but it's not enough" "I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up Chandelier's still flickering here 'Cause I can't pretend it's ok when it's not It's death by a thousand cuts" "Gave you too much but it wasn't enough But I'll be all right, it's just a thousand cuts"

"London Boy" because Damon loves the English as much as Taylor does. 3/10

"But something happened, I heard him laughing I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent They say home is where the heart is But that's not where mine lives" "He likes my American smile Like a child when our eyes meet"

"False God" mainly for the last one because I can already see a future gifset with those lyrics over the scene of Damon telling Enzo to leave him. 2/10

"We were crazy to think Crazy to think that this could work" "But we can patch it up good Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness Got the wine for you" "And you can't talk to me when I'm like this Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you"

Listen to "Afterglow" and think of Damon. Think of Damon in the moments before turning off his humanity. Think of Damon right before Enzo turns off his own humanity and begging him not to leave him, even though he thinks he would deserve it if he did. 9/10

"Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there's no us Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say" "Hey It's all me in my head I'm the one who burned us down But it's not what I meant Sorry that I hurt you I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you I need to say, hey It's all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow" "It's so excruciating to see you low Just wanna lift you up and not let you go This ultraviolet morning light below Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh" "Tell me that you're still mine Tell me that we'll be just fine Even when I lose my mind I need to say Tell me that it's not my fault Tell me that I'm all you want Even when I break your heart"

"Me!" because this particular verse fits both of them, really. 4/10

"I know that I went psycho on the phone I never leave well enough alone And trouble's gonna follow where I go"

"It's Nice To Have A Friend" God okay thinking about them with this song makes me feel many things mainly because it's such a soft song. 3/10

"Twenty questions, we tell the truth You've been stressed out lately? Yeah, me too Something gave you the nerve To touch my hand

It's nice to have a friend"

"Daylight" a lot of the lyrics to this one remind me of Damon, specifically the second verse I've included and the third one, and the fourth one's bit about breathing in the smoke of course makes me think of Augustine. 5/10

"My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in" "There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye" "I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night And now I see daylight, I only see daylight" "I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke"

ALBUM 8. FOLKLORE.

"The 1" from Enzo's point of view because he just couldn't leave Damon alone after Augustine and everything they went through, he still wanted to be in his life. 3/10

"And if my wishes came true It would've been you In my defense, I have none For never leaving well enough alone But it would've been fun If you would've been the one" "If one thing had been different Would everything be different today?" "And it would've been sweet If it could've been me In my defense, I have none For digging up the grave another time"

"Cardigan" + Denzo is a recipe for some light angst, especially when put into the contest of Damon regretting everything he put Enzo through and then trying desperately to save him the second time around. 4/10

"You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'" "Marked me like a bloodstain, I I knew you Tried to change the ending Peter losing Wendy" "I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs The smell of smoke would hang around this long"

"Exile" Because who doesn't want even more angst regarding Damon's betrayal, and his regret and determination not to repeat history? And some angst from Enzo with the fifth verse. 6/10

"I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending" "Now I'm in exile, seein' you out" "Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me" "Second, third, and hundredth chances Balancin' on breaking branches Those eyes add insult to injury" "I'm not your problem anymore So who am I offending now?" "We always walked a very thin line You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out)"

"My Tears Ricochet" tell me this entire song doesn't scream their love story in an unheard ghostly telling from a bitter Enzo? 10/10

"We gather here, we line up Weepin' in a sunlit room, and If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe All the hell you gave me? 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you 'Til my dying day" "I didn't have it in myself to go with grace And you're the hero flying around, saving face And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed" "You know I didn't want to have to haunt you But what a ghostly scene" "And I can go anywhere I want Anywhere I want, just not home And you can aim for my heart, go for blood But you would still miss me in your bones" "You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same Cursing my name, wishing I stayed You turned into your worst fears" "And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain Crossing out the good years"

"August" That middle one is making me feel things because hope really was all they were living for in Augustine. 3/10

"But I can see us lost in the memory" "Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all"

"'Cause you weren't mine to lose You weren't mine to lose, no"

"This Is Me Trying" Damon's point of view. Need I say more? 4/10

"I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that" "And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that" "And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you"

"Illicit Affairs" 2/10

"And clandestine meetings and longing stares It's born from just one single glance" "And you know damn well For you, I would ruin myself A million little times"

"Invisible String" because I agree that isn't it just so pretty to think that Damon and Enzo were always meant to continuously find their way back to each other? It always felt like the universe must be against them in some way, and then they miraculously make their way back to each other again whether through persistence or simple patience. 3/10

"And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?" "Time, mystical time Cuttin' me open, then healin' me fine" "Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold tied me to you"

"Mad Woman" Enzo deserves to be bitter every now and then. 3/10

"What did you think I'd say to that? Does a scorpion sting when fighting back? They strike to kill and you know I will You know I will" "Now I breathe flames each time I talk" "They say, "Move on", but you know, I won't"

"Epiphany" These lines had some soldier vibes to them and that just fits Enzo's whole mentality towards Augustine really well. 3/10

"With you, I serve With you, I fall down, down Watch you breathe in Watch you breathing out, out" "Only 20 minutes to sleep But you dream of some epiphany Just one single glimpse of relief"

"Betty" okay so the first part is obviously Damon, as is the last one, but the two in the middle are Enzo right before reuniting with Damon. 4/10

"The worst thing that I ever did Was what I did to you" "But if I just showed up at your party Would you have me? Would you want me? Would you tell me to go fuck myself?" "But it's finally sinkin' in Betty, right now is the last time I can dream about what happens when You see my face again" "The only thing I wanna do Is make it up to you"

"Peace" something about these lyrics in a Denzo context make me feel things, specifically through Damon's point of view. 6/10

"I never had the courage of my convictions As long as danger is near And it's just around the corner, darling 'Cause it lives in me No, I could never give you peace" "All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?" "And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches" "But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me"

"Hoax" Angst upon angst, from switching point of views, but both very Augustine based. 5/10

"My best laid plan Your sleight of hand My barren land I am ash from your fire" "You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart But what you did was just as dark Darling, this was just as hard As when they pulled me apart"

"The Lakes" the general vibe of this song gives me so many denzo fic ideas, specifically something really soft and wistful, but these lines actually do fit in a bit with canon and how Enzo wanted Damon to go with him. 4/10

"Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you" "I'm setting off, but not without my muse No, not without you"

ALBUM 9. EVERMORE.

"Willow" starts us off with some wistful vibes, mainly from Enzo once again just wanting Damon, but ALSO from Damon willing to literally go anywhere for Enzo, just so long as he doesn't lose him again. 3/10

"Wherever you stray I follow I'm begging for you to take my hand Wreck my plans That's my man" "Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark"

"gold rush" I only included this one because these lines give me heavy Odyssey vibes and I can't just ignore that when talking about Damon and Enzo. 2/10

"Gleaming Twinkling Eyes like sinking ships On waters so inviting I almost jump in"

"'tis the damn season" 3/10

"There's an ache in you put there by the ache in me But if it's all the same to you It's the same to me"

"You can run, but only so far I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave But if it's okay with you, it's okay with me"

(You already covered "tolerate it" so I can skip that one but it is one of my favourites for them)

"happiness" that third section from Enzo's point of view kills me. 5/10

"There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true" "Haunted by the look in my eyes That would've loved you for a lifetime Leave it all behind" "I can't make it go away by making you a villain I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven" "After giving you the best I had Tell me what to give after that All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness"

"dorothea" 1/10

"Do you ever stop and think about me?" "It's never too late To come back to my side"

"coney island" for some regretful Damon. 6/10

"And if this is the long haul How'd we get here so soon? Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?" "Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?" "Did I leave you hanging every single day?" "Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray?"

"ivy" that last part hurts a little too much 4/10

"Oh, goddamn My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand" "I'd live and die for moments that we stole On begged and borrowed time" "So yeah, it's a fire It's a goddamn blaze in the dark And you started it You started it"

"cowboy like me" more Augustine angst. 7/10

"I've got some tricks up my sleeve Takes one to know one" "You're a cowboy like me Perched in the dark Telling all the rich folks anything they wanna hear" "You're a bandit like me Eyes full of stars Hustling for the good life Never thought I'd meet you here It could be love We could be the way forward And I know I'll pay for it" "And the skeletons in both our closets Plotted hard to mess this up"

"marjorie" because ANGST 6/10

"And if I didn't know better I'd think you were talking to me now If I didn't know better I'd think you were still around What died didn't stay dead What died didn't stay dead You're alive, you're alive in my head"

"closure" but from Enzo's point of view. 8/10

"It's been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn't right The way it all went down" "Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled I'm fine with my spite" "I know I'm just a Wrinkle in your new life Staying friends Would iron it out so nice Guilty, guilty reaching out across the sea That you put between you and me But it's fake And it's oh so unnecessary"

"evermore" oh the pain of Enzo clinging to thoughts of Damon so as to not lose his humanity in Augustine. 4/10

"And when I was shipwrecked (can't think of all the cost) I thought of you (all the things that will be lost now) In the cracks of light (can we just get a pause?) I dreamed of you (to be certain we'll be tall again) (If you think of all the costs) It was real enough (whether weather be the frost) To get me through (or the violence of the dog days) (Out on waves being tossed) But I swear (is there a line that we could just go cross?) You were there"

"right where you left me" is another wonderfully angsty song when put into Enzo's perspective in Augustine. 9/10

"But I'm right where you left me Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other" "Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight"" "Everybody moved on I, I stayed there Dust collected on my pinned-up hair They expected me to find somewhere Some perspective, but I sat and stared" "Right where you left me You left me no, oh, you left me no You left me no choice but to stay here forever"

"And it's been so long But if you ever think you got it wrong

I'm right where you left me"

"it's time to go" so the first part is Damon convincing himself that leaving Enzo in Augustine was the right thing to do for himself, and then the other two parts are Enzo's point of view. 5/10

"Sometimes giving up is the strong thing Sometimes to run is the brave thing Sometimes walking out is the one thing That will find you the right thing 15 years, 15 million tears Begging 'til my knees bled I gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all" "Now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones Praying to his greed He's got my past frozen behind glass"

And from the vault, we begin with "You All Over Me" because this part just has Damon and Enzo written all over it. 7/10

"I lived, and I learned Had you, got burned Held out, and held on God knows, too long And wasted time, lost tears Swore that I'd get out of here But no amount of freedom gets you clean I've still got you all over me"

I don't even need to list the exact lyrics from "Mr. Perfectly Fine" that reminds me of Damon and Enzo because let's be honest, it's the entire song. 10/10 for angst and emotion.

"We Were Happy"another little dose of angst but with a touch of wistfulness to it, I'm feeling in Enzo's perspective. 6/10

"No one could touch the way we laughed in the dark" "Oh, I hate those voices Tellin' me I'm not in love anymore But they don't give me choices"

"That's When" very much makes me think about when Enzo found out Damon killed Maggie and decided to turn off his humanity rather than hate him. (Aside from the line at the end because that is basically what Enzo asked Damon when they reunited for the first time.) 9/10

"You said, "I know" When I said, "I need some time, need some space To think about all of this" You watched me go And I knew my words were hard to hear And harder to ever take back And I said, "When can I come back?"" "I said, "I know" When you said, "I did you wrong, made mistakes And put you through all of this" (through all of this) Then through the phone Came all your tears And I said "Leave those all in our past"" "And you said, "Honestly When you were gone, did you ever think of me?""

"Don't You" painful but fitting for how Enzo felt when reuniting with Damon. 9/10

"But don't you, don't you Smile at me and ask me how I've been Don't you say you've Missed me if you don't want me again You don't know how much I feel I love you still

So why don't you, don't you?" "Sometimes I wish that I could hate you I've tried, but that's just somethin' I can't do My heart knows what the truth is I swore I wouldn't do this" "So I'll walk out of here tonight Try to go on with my life And you can say we're still friends (But I don't wanna pretend)"

Once again, basically all of "Better Man" fits them, I recommend just listening to the whole song and picturing Enzo talking about/to Damon. 9/10

"Run" Murder Husbands on a roadtrip. 9/10

"We shouldn't be in this town And my so-called friends, they don't know I'd drive away before I let you go So give me a reason and don't say no, no There's a chain 'round your throat, piece of paper where I wrote "I'll wait for you" "And run, like you'd run from the law Darling, let's run Run from it all We can go where our eyes can take us Go where no one else is, run"

And so that concludes our list of Taylor Swift songs written for Damon and Enzo! It is much longer than I actually thought it was going to be, but here we are. I'm just surprised Tumblr hasn't crashed in the (6-hour) process of me writing this.

Hi Jade, I always thought of writing here and I was thinking of waiting till the next chapter (like mate stop procrastinating) but here we go... I've seen some people bad mouthing fanfics here and you saying that Tumblr hasn't been a happy place for you but I want you to know that your writing was one of the few things that helped me during one of the hardest times I've went through this summer. This is a bit embarassing for some reason lol but since I'm writing anonymously I can talk freely. Let me warn I may talk about some triggering topics and I don't know if you even want to read such things but my depression and anxiety became worse and I was also diagnosed with an eating disorder this summer. I really felt like giving up a lot this year and I feared that I'd. Thankfully I found some things to hold on for in life especially with uni starting. But during the summer I felt really alone and hopeless. This is half joking and half serious but I spent most of my time online and everytime you updated I was like "omg thank god I didn't do stupid things, here's the new chapter." "oh i should hang on a little more so that i can see the end of the fic." I always look forward to new chapters and I can imagine how hard it is to focus and be inspired when life goes on, responsibilities shows up and people try to degrade your work. But in the end I really hope and believe that nothing breaks your soul and your love for writing because you can always be an escape from reality and a peace of mind to someone who's in trouble without even knowing. I even made goddamn streusel cakes lol (unfortunately I had no strawberries left but apples weren't that bad either). Sending so much love to you and pardon me if I made any grammatical mistakes while writing to the greatest writer <3

trigger warning; depression, anxiety, ed

oh my god. first of all, thank you so much for feeling comfortable enough to open up and share this with me. i can’t thank you enough for telling me something like this, and how your message turned my week around.

its definitely strange to not have it to be a happy or safe place at the moment, because tumblr, for me, since years, has always been a safe space where i felt like i could share the writing i like, in a form that’s interesting to me. i love writing fiction, films and building stories about love, and with something like fandoms and fanfiction, its so simple to share with people. but currently with the hate threats, it’s definitely not feeling like a space where im comfortable anymore, so your message really impacted me, because it reminds me what i write for.

im so sorry to hear that you went through such a time, and i truly hope you’re doing much better now. ive had people close to me who have been through such situations and im so proud of you for not giving up and for still holding on. for you to say that my story helped me is a lot, perhaps way too much credit than i deserve, but honestly if my stories make you happy even just 1%, that’s enough for me.

i have been writing my entire life, but only shared on tumblr for a couple of years, with reservations because when you share any form of art or writing on the internet, you’re always inviting hate and anonymous comments from people who may not understand the intent of the work, and i could always go back to not sharing my writing since first and foremost i always write to express my ideas of love and receiving hate for love stories kind of negates that, you know? this week has made me feel like not wanting to share my writing anymore in the future, so thank you for telling me this.

i am grateful to have been an escape and piece of mind for you when you most needed it, and just that makes me feel like i was successful in sharing some love into the world.

you made streusel cakes from slwy? im honestly going to cry, ive never made streusel cakes myself but i will for you, im serious. going to get the recipe and coerce my best friend into doing that with me, just to celebrate you and slwy, and love.

once again, im so proud of you for getting through this and im so happy to have been there for you, even if unknowingly.

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