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landoslvr · 2 months

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MRS CLARKEY | g. clarke

summary: a scroll through your internet presence as 'mrs clarkey'. [social media AU.]

pairing: fem!reader x george clarke

faceclaim: steph hui

notes: first piece for mrs george out of the wag universe. steph is gonna be the main fc I use for mrs clarkey, hopefully you like it! this is the longest one I've done so far.. definitely want to do a fic for their first meeting and for the useless hotline podcast- maybe even the ski trip!

liked by user, user and 37,923 others

yourinstagram happy halloween 💋💋

view all 281 comments

user you're literally so hot y/n

user I want to be you so bad

user how can I look like that

user jeez u flexible or something baby?

user the dress? the hair? the makeup??? unreal

yourinstagram thank you!! I did it myself xxx

user shes godly

user have fun tonight!!

user she's the only girl I know to have an impromptu photoshoot and then go out drinking

yourinstagram gotta take the outfit for a spin!!!

liked by chrismd10, arthurtv and 58,283 others

georgeclarkeey you should've seen the other guy!

view all 198 comments

user george wth

user its the vomit on the cheerleading outfit for me

chrismd10 looking good mate

wroetoshaw nice eyebrow....... eyebrow singular

georgeclarkeey yes I got that thank you

user AS IF Y/N FOUND HIM ON HER NIGHT OUT

user I KNOW!! I came from her tweets after everyone tagging this guy

chrismd10 you getting referred to as 'this guy' on your own post is so funny to me

georgeclarkeey well, you're huge aren't you?

imallexx loving the new look mate

user waiting for y/n to join the comments 🫣

user me too 😶😶

yourinstagram its great to know what you look like with both of your eyebrows george! a pleasure to have met you, despite the circumstances...

georgeclarkeey my left eyebrow was too intimidated by seeing betty boop in the flesh it ran away!

user my heart 😭

liked by georgeclarkeey, max_balegde and 37,192 others

yourinstagram went on the useless hotline podcast this week to talk about me saving the george clarke! thank you very much for having me boys 🤍

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user she's just so pretty

user as if model queen y/n saved youtuber george clarke 😭 not over that at all

georgeclarkeey always a pleasure, you're welcome back anytime you feel like scraping me off of the pavement

yourinstagram anytime you need me, I'll be there to call the ambulance

user LOVE that coat

georgeclarkeey also feeling something.. or someone.. is missing from this post?

yourinstagram idk what you want from me here clarke

max_balegde ahhhhhh!!!!!! such a pleasure to meet the woman that singlehandedly saved my co-host from death <3 thanks so much for coming on, martini besties for life now

yourinstagram call me anytime you need multiple olives!!!

max_balegde three olives, extra dry!!

user stop I hope they all stay friends 😭

liked by georgeclarkeey, chrismd10 and 39,219 others

yourinstagram casual 'saved your life/face' dinner post

view all 331 comments

user nahhhhhhhhh because this is a date

user y/n looks so good 😭😭

user lets not ignore George Clarke wearing something other than a t-shirt

chrismd10 impressed you managed to get him in slacks!

georgeclarkeey your mum brought them for me

user THAT DRESS

user I just wanna be you y/n

user George has major cake its not funny

max_balegde literally should be criminal

georgeclarkeey you saved my life I am eternally grateful

yourinstagram 👽👽👽

liked by georgeclarkeey, chrismd10 and 40,938 others

yourinstagram visiting the mountain tops with some new friends x

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user bitch we know that's george clarkey, fess up

max_balegde the love of my life really tbh, you look sooooo good

yourinstagram max I'll cry

user drop the link for the jackets!!

user that is george clarke's watch missy

user so you just so happen to be on a ski trip at the same time at george and his friends?????????? coincidence? I think NOT

user I know george is using ever fibre of his being not to comment on this right now

liked by yourinstagrm, miniminter and 59,902 others

georgeclarkeey there's 'snow' way it's this cold in the mountains

view all 286 comments

user Y/N TAKE OF THE SKI MASK COWARD

user we literally know it's her

chrismd10 handsome fellas

user literally just tell us you're dating guys

wroetoshaw high altitude my friend

user love these pics of the boys together

arthurtv distinguished skiers and snowboarders

charliehutchens really good ones too

user do you think y/n had to throw her phone out of her hotel room to stop herself from commenting?

user yes, yes I do

liked by georgeclarkeey, wroetoshaw and 37,981 others

yourinstagram out and about ✈️🗺️

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user should we tell y/n that she posted a picture of George in the 4th slide and then proceeded to cut his head out of the 6th one????

user let her live in peace I guess

user wow no one is immune to stupidity these days 😭

user can't believe they took her so young

georgeclarkeey you're not getting that poster back

yourinstagram if you dont return my harry styles poster I will sue

georgeclarkeey I live with a lawyer, so good luck with that darling

user DARLING???? LITERALLY JUST PUNCH ME IN THE FACE NEXT TIME GEORGE

liked by yourinstagram, stephentries and 61,192 others

georgeclarkeey chris informed us that you all know we're dating so no more discreet photo dumps I guess?

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user WAR IS OVERRRRRR

user quick everyone act like we didn't see this shit coming

user the way he tried to do her dirty in the last 3 pics but he literally can't

user she's just so pretty

user I wanna be her

max_balegde mrs clarkey!!!!!!

yourinstagram !!!!!

chrismd10 you're so welcome mate

user she's so gorgeous

user kills me

user george x y/n girlies won today

yourinstagram 🤍🤍🤍 love you big stupid idiot 🤍🤍🤍 once I posted the invisalign it was over..

georgeclarkeey guys gotta eat

liked by georgeclarkeey, arthurfhill and 43,938 others

yourinstagram casual 'I can finally post my boyfriend' post!!!!

view all 493 comments

user guys I love today

user this makes me so happy

chrismd10 the power of drunken lime bike rides!

yourinstagram thank you lime bikes

user the alien picture kills me

max_balegde can't wait to have you back on the pod as mrs clarkey

yourinstagram a promotion, for me???

user george is so cute, I envy y/n!

arthurtv it's about time tbh

user I've been waiting for this one

georgeclarkeey was worth losing half of an eyebrow I guess

yourinstagram maybe the eyebrows were the friends we made along the way?

#george clarkey x reader #george clarke x reader #george clarke #george clarkey imagine #george clarke imagine #george clarkey #cel's social media aus #mrs clarkey

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pokegalla · 3 months

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Trade/request by @tryslogic

Pt 2 on the previous and most recent headcanons but with the creepy bois✨:D

(Warning: slight nsfw but more innocently)

How would these guys react to their S/o using their chest for hand warmers?

Jeff:

* He laughs in your face and his long ass smile grows. “Dawwww does the baby want snuggles?” Of course this asshole teases you. You were just giving him quite a nice opportunity after all.

* But fine if you must insist, he’ll rub your head and motion you to go on ahead and dive right in. Even lifting his sweater juuuuust enough to show off that waist and v line- (This bastard LIVES to see that blush from you and not JUST from the cold~)

* His upper body is pretty lanky but he had an impressive waist and hips. And him being full of himself? He knows he’s pretty✨

* Just hey at least you get revenge on the bastard by putting your cold ass hands on him. He almost SHRIEKED before cursing under his breath. But squeezing his chest makes him bonk you for once. “Damn little pervert….💢”

* He definitely ends up chasing you with his cold ass hands the moment you even try to tease him, carrying you and laughing along before a little wrestling match✨

* He’s a little crazy goofball sometimes!

EJ:

* Not gonna lie, even under the mask you can tell he’s making a “What the fuck….?” Kind of face. I mean it IS a really random question to him….

* But he will sigh and give in if you keep persistently asking. He kinda just has to think about how he wants to do it and overthinks for a good minute. Until you just tell him you’ll just do it yourself, stop worrying-💦

* His build is surprisingly more on the toned side. Almost full on muscular despite how lanky he seemed- and praise will get him all flustered and in denial :3

* Though unfortunately and much to your surprise? This bitch is just as cold as you- he was completely unaffected! Though he did acknowledge that you were pretty cold and that you should really get gloves…..Though he does give you a side eye once you start squeezing- (How does he do it without eyes? You can fucking FEEL it-)

* Too many squeezes will earn you hand jail time. Want your hands out? Too bad. They are his now. You fucked up- better own up to it.

* But honestly he just doesn’t want you to let go just yet…

LJ:

* Well…..he doesn’t want to admit it but the question did catch him off guard. Such an odd request. Were you really serious? Aren’t you afraid he’ll bite your fingers off? It’s still a possibility…..

* Nah he’s just fucking with yah again. He bends down to your level and boops your nose. “Of COURSE you can little doll. My body is yours the same way yours is MINE~” he just had to throw that in there to laugh at your flushed face.

* His body was a little mix. Broad chest, thin waist, lithe hips. It was an oddly nice look on him. Though he teases if you stare too long-

* Now you would think he would react with those cold ass hands right? NOPE- and he looks back at you like ha ha you tried but failed✨ though the squeezes surprisingly made him blush?! Well well well how the tables are turned✨

* Ah but it didn’t last unfortunately as he simply stood up to avoid it. Buuuut he took him with you, hand on your behind as his own way of “warming” his hands up~✨ any bonk is futile as he’ll just laugh and give you kisses

* Even a psycho clown can be a softie!

#my writing #self insert #funny #cute #fluffy headcanons #jeff the killer x reader #laughing jack x reader #eyeless jack x reader #creepypasta hcs #sfw #writing trade #request answered

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rozcdust · 1 year

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The little princess

Pairing: Haitani brothers x younger sister reader

Genre: Fluff, crack

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: Canon divergent, ooc, profanity, Shion is a fucking moron, teaching kids swearing, if you’re one of those people who thinks platonic affection between siblings is weird please go away

pt. 1

Shion was only a tad bit salty that he was the only Tenjiku member to never be allowed to be left alone with you - with the exception of Hanma and Kisaki, Ran banned that in a heartbeat.

It’s not like you’d spontaneously combust and die on the spot under his watch, and come to think of it, he wasn’t even allowed to pick you up or throw you in the air as Mochi and Mucho did, Izana banned him from that personally, under the guise of, and, this is, in fact, the direct quote from the King himself:

“Madarame, you were born next to a nuclear power plant, got an IQ of 2 and got hit in the head with several rocks as a child. How do you expect us not to think you’ll kill y/n purely on accident?”

As if it was his fault the doctor dropped on the head upon birth.

At least you seemed fascinated by his tattoos, so he had that going on.

He huffed, not even noticing that Rindou, who was probably babysitting Shion more than he was babysitting you, excused himself to the bathroom, figuring leaving you alone with Shion for 3 minutes, tops, won’t hurt anyone if Ran and Izana don’t find out.

Oh, how wrong he was.

“Mr. Shion, why do you look mad?” You toddled up next to him, looking up in curiosity.

“Your brothers never wanna leave you with me alone. Or let me do your hair, even if Hanma is allowed to do your hair, and Ran hates him.” He absentmindedly booped your nose, sighing.

“Oh. Why?”

“Well, Ran just has a bad feeling about Hanma, apparently-“

“No, Mr. Shion, why don’t brothers let you watch me?”

Shion huffed, annoyed, pulling on the edge of your coat to straighten it out.

He personally thought he’d make a great older brother.

“They probably think I’d accidentally kill you. Or teach you a bad word.”

“Bad word? What is that?”

“Words kids under 10 can’t say.”

“Why?”

“They’re bad words.”

“Like what?”

“Fuck, bitch, cunt, probably?”

You tilted your head in utter confusion, causing the bow Kakucho fixed to your hair earlier to slip.

“Fuck? What does that mean?”

Shion knew, at that moment, that he fucked up.

“Don’t say that word!” Panicked, he glanced around, sighing in relief when no one else was around to hear you speak profanity.

“Fuck? Why?”

“No- Kiddo, you just can’t, wait until you’re older.”

“Is fuck like tattoos? Rinnie said I can’t get those until I’m older as well!”

“Please stop saying that word-“

You suddenly perked up, looking behind Shion with a grin.

“Ran!” Giggling, you sprinted past Shion to attach yourself to Ran’s leg, nuzzling your face into his thigh.

“Hi princess.” Ran gently fixed the bow on your head, offering you a small pat on the back.

Shion gulped, a sheepish smile on his face as he turned around to look at the eldest Haitani.

“Hi. Ran.”

Ran stood behind him with murder in his eyes and baton ready.

“Madarame.”

“You goin’ for a nap?” A small voice asked, the child’s head barely reaching the edge of his bed.

Ran smiled, turning to peer over the edge and into the face of the small girl, looking up at him with bright eyes.

Rindou took charge of her hair and clothes this morning, which meant she was wearing a frog onesie that was absolutely too big for her, almost swallowing her tiny frame, and sporting the single hairstyle Rindou ever really picked up, one that included two tiny braids on each side and an ungodly amount of butterfly clips.

Come to think of it, the hairstyle made her look a little like Ran when he was younger, and at this point, he had to wonder if Rindou did that on purpose.

“Yes, princess. Wanna nap too?”

Nodding fiercely, his younger sister gave a valiant attempt with trying to get up the bed on her own, but after a few failed tries where Ran merely looked on in amusement, she gave up, pouting and raising her hands towards him in a worldwide recognised motion for ‘Up!’

Slipping his hands underneath her armpits, he hoisted her up, much to her delight.

The one problem was, he continued holding her up, arm’s length away, grinning as she wrinkled her nose, pouting again, crossing her arms.

“Put me down?”

“No. You’re adorable when you get pouty.”

“Ran!”

He finally seated her on his lap, cooing as he kissed the top of her head. Carefully so as to not tug on her hair, he started removing the butterfly clips, setting them on his nightside table, to ensure they don’t break or tangle her hair during their nap.

“You’ll be a big girl soon, and big brother won’t be able to pick you up at all! So I wanna while I can.” Smiling softly, he pinched her cheek, softly ticking her neck in the process, making her squirm as she giggled, tryna push his hands away.

“That can’t be, Ran and Rinnie will always be able to pick me up.” Decisively nodding, she grinned up at him, “You’re both so tall and strong! I’m sure you’ll be able to pick me up in 10 years when you’re old and grey too!”

Tilting his head, Ran chuckled in amusement, finally removing the last clip before getting to unbraiding her braids.

“Baby, how old do you think Rindou and I are? We won’t be old nor grey in 10 years.”

“Oh,” Frowning in a way eerily similar to Rindou, the girl shook her head, “No, you’ll definitely be grey. You say I give you grey hairs whenever I wander off somewhere!”

“You know what, fair point.”

Finally finished with her hair, he ruffled it softly, giving her a peck on the forehead when she turned around to face him.

“We can sleep now?” Excitedly, she attempted to wrap her arms around his waist, but they proved to be too short for the task, much to her disappointment.

“Yes, princess, we can.” Finally laying down, y/n curled up on his chest, almost like a cat, warranting another chuckle out of the older man as he adjusted his arms to hold her, ensure she won’t fall.

Both of them were out like a light in mere seconds, not noticing Rindou calling out Ran’s name as he entered the room in search of his phone charger.

Quickly shutting up when he saw the sight, he chuckled, leaving to retrieve his polaroid camera, coming back to snap a quick shot of the two.

A soft smile made its way on his face as he watched it develop, showcasing Ran, more serene than he ever was awake, and y/n, her mouth slightly opened and hair tousled, her entire body gently moving up and down with each rise and fall of Ran’s chest, looking content and safe in her elder brother’s arms.

Leaving his glasses, the camera and the developed polaroid on Ran’s desk, Rindou cautiously crawled in under the covers, hoping to not disturb the two.

Ran, still asleep, extended his arm so it went over the side of the bed, opening a space for Rindou to settle in.

Rindou nestled up against Ran’s side, curling within himself as Ran unconsciously turned to his side, throwing an arm over both of his siblings as y/n slipped from his chest into the space between her brothers.

Rindou closed his eyes, relaxing his muscles, revelling in the comforting sound of Ran’s heartbeat and y/n’s even, steady breathing.

No matter what happens, his siblings will always feel like home.

“These look pretty.” Kokonoi commented, his fingers softly passing over the petals of a large bouquet displayed in the store.

Kakucho was merely a few feet away, curiously looking at ornaments.

“No, those aren’t the right flowers.” The small girl shook her head, nervously tapping her foot against the marble floor of the flower shop as she waits for a worker to come around, her hand extended to hold Kokonoi’s pinkie.

A worker finally appears, a smiling man with a pink apron and a neat ponytail.

He looks at Koko when he asks how may he help him, but you respond instead, politely saying ‘Excuse me?’ to draw his attention towards you.

“Hi, sweetie.” Smiling, the florist crouches down, clearly attempting hard to not coo at the small child sporting such a serious expression.

Kokonoi could understand, Ran has really outdone himself this morning when he dressed you up, braiding your hair into an intricate pattern resembling a halo, a purple heart-shaped clip, matching the colour of your frilly dress, holding back the few loose strands trying to escape.

You were cute enough to even coax out a smile from Mikey when he saw you this morning, politely asking him if he wanted some of your dorayaki.

“I’ll need two bouquets, please! One with purple orchids, and one with bluebells! Could you add a ‘Happy Father’s day’ card on both too, sir, pretty please?” Reciting as Kakucho and Kokonoi practised with you this morning, you looked up at Koko for approval.

He smiled, nodding.

“Why, aren’t you adorable? Are they for your daddies?” The florist got to work right away, grabbing flowers and snipping various ribbons as he started putting together the bouquets.

“No, my brothers!” Beaming, the girl was bouncing on the balls of her feet, excited whenever the worker asked her opinion about the colour of ribbons and glitter.

When you shyly asked Kokonoi a month ago, after he picked you up from school, if there were any chores for you to do so you could earn a little money, he was confused, after all, Ran and Rindou bought you everything you as much as laid your eyes on without a question, what could you possibly want that they didn’t want to buy you?

You shook your head, explaining that Father’s day is approaching, and when you said you wanted to surprise your brothers with bouquets, it took all of his self-restraint to not pull his wallet out of his pocket and empty out its content into your hands immediately, the idea so utterly adorable he agreed in a heartbeat.

He tried offering you to just give you the money, but you refused, polite as ever, shaking your small head and explaining how it had to be earned, after all, your brothers worked so hard and took such good care of you that it would be unfair to just accept a charity.

He agreed, and if the other Kanto Manji Gang executives saw you around with a tiny broom Kokonoi bought specifically for you (he feared the average sized one would fall on you and crush you), they didn’t question it, more often than not cooing when you refused any help instead.

Kokonoi offered you to name your price, and the comically small amount you chose was nowhere enough to actually pay for a bouquet, let alone two, but that wasn’t an issue, he’d shoulder the rest of the cost with no regrets.

The florist finished both bouquets after about ten minutes, and Kokonoi assumed you’d be bored by then, but you stood and waited, your impatience only showing by the way you started tugging on his coat, silently asking to be picked up.

Kakucho appeared just in time to pick you up instead, your small arm dutifully wrapping around his neck as he adjusted to support your weight and so you could still look at the florist, Kokonoi paid with the money you gave him earlier, and he allowed you to hold one of the bouquets, even if the comically large flower arrangement made it so you disappeared behind the vivid, soft flowers.

He picked up the other, and bidding the florist goodbye, they were on their way.

Kokonoi and Kakucho both secretly couldn’t wait for Ran’s and Rindou’s reactions.

“Hey, thanks for watching her, she really wanted to go with you two for some reason today-“ Ran opened the doors, looking as if he has just woken up, raising an eyebrow as he observed the two men standing in front of it, a lack of his younger sister obvious.

Ah, there you were, hiding behind Kakucho’s coat, small giggles escaping you as Koko and Kakucho both shielded you from Ran’s keen gaze.

“You should call Rindou.” Smiling softly, Kakucho took a step inside right after Kokonoi, closing the doors.

Still sceptical, Ran obliged, leaving briefly to drag his brother out of his room.

“What is it?” Impatiently, Rindou tapped his foot, his headphones halfway down his ears.

“Surprise.” Softly exclaiming in unison, Kakucho and Kokonoi parted, revealing you holding the two bouquets.

The bouquets were bigger than you, but you still insisted on being the one to hold them.

“Happy Father’s day!” Beaming, you took a clumsy step towards your brothers, holding out each of their respective bouquet towards them, “Thank you for taking care of me, and cuddling me when I have nightmares, and for never getting angry with me when I break something!”

Ran and Rindou kneeled down to be on eye level with you in sync, each of them taking the bouquet off your hands

“Thank you, sweetie.” Ran pulls you towards him to pepper kissed on your face, grinning wide with a soft expression.

“I bought orchids for you because your name means orchid! And Rinnie’s name means bluebell, so he got bluebells!”

Rindou does the same as soon as Ran lets you go, holding you in a firm hug.

“Thank you, princess.” Whispering, Rindou buries his face into your shoulder, the tiny space not doing much to actually hide it.

Ran’s soft smile turns into a shit-eating grin.

“Aw, Rin, you crying?”

“ShUT THE FUCK UP!”

You beamed.

“Fuck!”

“Y/N NO-“

🔖Taglist:

@dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @graythecoffeebean @yukihime-mikeys-girl @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @crybabylisa @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @xashiui @bontens-whore @nqctre @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @hxked @erza-uzumaki @sh4nn @sisnot @soushswag @kneeapartman @anahryal @reiners-milkbiddies @satsuri3su @aretheea @bluerskiees @luvjiro @sanchezbloodline @thetruepair @a-toxic-person @astropheia @lostsomewhereinthegarden @jeagckerman @idktbhloley

#tokyorev #tokyo revengers #ran haitani x you #ran haitani x reader #rindou haitani x you #rindou haitani x reader #bonten #kakucho hitto #ran haitani #rindou haitani #kokonoi hajime #manjiro sano #kanto manji gang

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rowretro · 3 months

Text

𝕆𝕙 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪

WARNINGS: Blood, violence, mentions of sexual things, like wyr games if ykwim

✧tag list✧: @strawbsj @nikipedia07 @enhypensccstarlight @nikisdubblchococake

✧CHAPTER 1✧

Y/n watched as the kids hugged their parents before running to the school bus, to go to their school. Sighing, she went downstairs, smiling as she heard her little pet bunny hop to the door part of the cage, wanting to be set free. "Suzi~" she cooed, opening the cage as she stroked the bunny's head, softly booping it's pink nose.

The girl lifted the bunny by it's ears and left it in the bigger cage that was in her backyard, not wanting to take the risk of letting the bunny in her house, knowing full well the tiny menace will chew threw the wires and get electrocuted. She glanced at the small greenhouse she kept just for her butterflies. Her late mother was a lepidopterist, since her murder, y/n was given this extremely expensive build in the back of her apartment.

Locking all the doors, she hopped onto her motorbike and rode to school. Upon arriving at the school, she didn't even bother entering the building, because there he was, getting into yet another fight. Riki harshly punched male in the same spot multiple times, the male striking back, aiming for Riki's face, but he ducked. She wore her earphones, and purposefully pushed past him. Riki glared at the girl, already pissed, Sungchan used this chance to finally punch Riki.

He pulled on Riki's hair and kneed him in his stomach before running off. "MOTHERFUCKER GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE YOU PUSSY!" Riki yelled, running after him. God how bad he wanted to kill y/n. The girl smirked to herself as she slumped in her seat, in the back of the classroom, doodling on her notebook. She was only a few minutes late, her head down on the table, one earphone in, as she tried to nap.

It wasn't that easy to nap when she could hear Yeonjun and Taehyun, just a few rows in front of her, mention her name a few time, disgust evident on her face as she overheard them "Would you rather... be locked in an empty classroom with Mrs Lee, or... have sex with y/n?" Yeonjun asked with a grin as Taehyun snickerred. "Please, she's hot but she's our teacher, plus Y/n is kinda hot... Yeah Ima go with y/n" the male said.

The girl threw a paper ball in their direction, then pretended to be asleep. "Who tf was that?" Yeonjun asked, sounding like he meant business. "It was me." Y/n simply said, glaring holes into his head "w-well uh... Don't do it again!" he said sheepishly, trying to put on a tough act, before turning away and continuing his little immature game. The girl was suddenly yanked off of her seat, a painful tug at her hair.

"You fucking bitch look what you did!" Riki yelled, pointing t the small blood stain on his white shirt "I wouldn't have cared if it was his blood, BUT IT'S MINE, you think I'll let you get away with this?!" Riki asked glaring at her, as she looked back at him, unamused. Riki was never the type to hit women, but with y/n it's like something possesses him, and all he wants is to beat her until she begs for mercy. God he hated that dirty smirk on her lips.

"babyboy I'll count to three, and if you don't let go of my hair, then your pretty face will be met with a chair." she dared as Riki didn't let go "3...2... 2 and a half...1 bitch ur dead." She simply said, pulling onto the chair and swinging it at him, to his luck, a teacher stepped in, grabbing the chair from her. "NISHIMURA RIKI! KIM Y/N! TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE RIGHT NOW!" the women yelled as they both walked there.

The 2 were now stuck in a room, each writting the word "sorry" until 5 pages were full, beside them was Y/n's older brother, Sunoo who had to come off of work early to see his sister's hair a mess, and blood stains on his dear friend Riki. "How many times do I have to tell you? STOP GETTING ME CALLED INTO THIS OFFICE. Y/n, I replaced dad's contact details with mine for your wellbeing, NOT FOR YOU TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT AND HAVE ME COME IN EVERYTIME YOU TO SQUABBLE OVER SOMETHING STUPID!" He yelled as the girl groaned.

Yep, this was what everyday in a high school these two went to would be like. Sunoo sighed, using his hands to detangle the girl's hair, as he brushed it out for her, glaring at Riki "And you, Didn't I tell you not to motorbike race with those boys?! so fucking egoistic, do you need to prove every 5 seconds that you're better than them?! I told you so many times, don't mess with them they come from shitty backgrounds and the police won't dare to lock them away, you have sisters right? can't you behave for once?!" Sunoo lectured as he rolled his eyes.

"Ah- you're pulling too hard!" y/n whined as Sunoo flicked her forehead "I won't let you do my nails if you keep getting into trouble like this!" Sunoo added before aggressively, yet gently brushing her hair out. Riki just slept, his head on the blank papers as y/n pulled out her back up phone to scroll through.

✧𝕆𝕙 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕪✧

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dailysomething · 29 days

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boopster badge aquired baby

FUCK YEAH

day 3 of something i guess

or maybe 2.5

“get booped bitches” - all of tumblr, currently.

#dailysomething #cat #boop #day 3 #day 2.5

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fell-is-suffering · 15 days

Note

Heya, Fell! While you were being booped by that boop machine earlier, I couldn't help but take a picture hehehe >:3

I'll be keeping this and you can't stop me— MWAHAHAHA!

"you bitch. how the fuck did you even get that??"

#Ooc: don't worry he ain't mad he was actually laughing when he saw this and his tone is no more than someone seeing something funny hehe #sans #undertale au #sans au #utmv #underfell #fell sans #underfell sans #sans underfell #uf sans #aroace fell sans #aroace #aromantic #asexual #acesexual #queer #lgbtq+#lgbtq #lgbtqia

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bitchesgetriches · 1 year

Note

Hiya bitches - re: "Insulate yourselves from ads" - it's a great article and if it's not too presumptuous I have a few bonus suggestions:

1. Adblocking extension - would seriously recommend linking to ublock origin rather than adblocker ultimate. (ublockorigin[dot]com) Ublock is widely regarded the best, and blocks a bunch of cookies and annoyances by default too. Adblocker ultimate is a also bit of a shady project with significant history of using stolen code.

2. For the slightly more technically minded, setting up a pi.hole (pi-hole[dot]net) will probably cost you $30 in buying a raspberry pi but is the best damn $30 I have ever spent. It blocks ads and trackers for your whole damn WiFi network, including devices like smart TVs where you can't install an extension. Pretty much the only thing it doesn't block is YouTube ads.

3. In the email section, it could be worth adding an email relay service such as AnonAddy. This is similar to tempmail in a way, as it lets you create a unique email for each service. The difference is that it's persistent, you can use it for regular logins, and you can create new addresses on the fly just by typing a new one. Everything gets forwarded to your regular email. If they sell your email, you know straight away because you're getting emails from acorns to your unique bgr email, and you can just boop turn off that email and never need to unsubscribe from anything again. For a lot of accounts, I personally turn the email on when I'm ordering something and turn it off again straight after.

Thanks babycakes! These are all great suggestions.

We've been writing BGR for years now, and some stuff gets out of date. We're always trying to update old articles with better info, so I'll see about adding this to the article. You're wonderful.

How to COMPLETELY Insulate Yourself From Advertisements

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charcoal-xl · 28 days

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I'm booping every bitch on the block so prepare your ass, if I see you on my fyp it's over

~<3

Also feel free to spam Boop me, get those badges!!!

#boop o meter #boop #tumblr boops #mutuals

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twotitsjohndecaon · 8 months

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You And I

Surprise bitches, more shit. I believe I meant to post this on August the 19th (holy day) but here we are now. Happy late birthday to John Richard Deacon and thank you for all of the feedback on my other shit so far :) <3

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: nothing for once just cutesy shit :)

It was the first warm day all year. Truly warm, and a bit strange to have so early in the year. Daylight savings hadn’t even happened yet so the sun still set early in the day, though not as early as it had been recently. Even a few extra minutes of light was nice. And it was still cold, but no longer freezing cold most days, and a select few tufts of grass and clumps of flowers suggested a bloom was oncoming. But today was a bit of an anomaly. It was extremely warm, warm enough to dress however you wanted, and as luck had it you had the day all to yourself, which was fantastic, as you had no idea how you’d spend it inside. Not when the sun was warm and the air was thick with promise like it hadn’t been since summer.

John, your boyfriend, did not have the day off, however, but he didn’t seem to care. He took the day off anyways, disregarding the angry and incessant calls from Freddie he’d probably receive, but they’d manage. He could just do his parts later. John wasn’t going to miss out on this day with you.

You both arose that morning later than usual, tangled in your clean sheets and each other, and slightly less bundled up than usual because you didn’t have to be for once. For a while you kissed each other with closed eyes, softly wherever you could reach until they could be opened, blinking the sleep away slowly into just as dreamy of a sight. John took longer to wake up, nuzzling into your neck to hide into your sweet scent and to attempt to keep his eyes closed for a little longer, but even he couldn’t resist the excitement of the day to come eventually. Lots of smiles, giggles, soft kisses, and cuddles consisted of most of your morning, and then a nice shower. As you finished getting ready for the morning, digging a summer dress out, you headed to the kitchen to grab something to eat, where you found John, now dressed, already making something. He was smearing some sort of spread onto a piece of bread, assembling sandwiches, and just as you reached to try to take one, you were stopped.

“Ah ah ah,” he scolded.

“Why not?” You pouted a bit. John booped your nose with his free hand and smiled, raising his brow.

“These aren’t for right now. They’re for later. But you’re more than welcome to help yourself to anything in the fridge.”

“Wow, John, thanks, for reminding me I’m aloud to eat my own food in my own home,” you commented sarcastically, but with a light tone to show him there weren’t actually any hurt feelings. You headed over to the fridge to grab a nectarine and sat to eat it on the counter nearby. Your feet dangled off of the edge as you reached over quickly to brush John’s hair over his shoulders to not get in the way of his food assembling. “So what are the sandwiches for later for?” you asked, taking a crisp bite of the fruit. You had just seen them in the shop for the first time in a while, the first of the season.

“Well,” John began, his focus still on the sandwiches. “I thought since I have the day off, and you have the day off, and it’s so nice outside, we should spend some time out this afternoon,” he explained.

“A picnic?” you asked excitedly. John hummed in confirmation and you gasped excitedly. John looked up from his sandwiches at this point. Your excitement was so adorable to him he had to take you in. Before he could look for long, you set your nectarine down and drew him into a big hug, holding your hands out straight a bit awkwardly to not get the sticky juice on your hands in his hair. John chuckled a bit, moving the knife into his other hand farther from you and grabbing your side to complete the hug, filling you both with warmth. It was a bit of an awkward jumble, but it didn’t matter, and you two could do a proper one soon enough. John pulled away.

“Thought it’d be a nice idea,” he smiled.

“It is a nice idea!” you said, continuing your breakfast. You finished and washed your hands, standing in front of John. “Ok. What else do we need?”

“You don’t have to do anything, love, just relax, I’ll take care of it,” he said softly.

“Nice try, Deaky,” you teased. You started helping him on your own accord, adding more fruits and grabbing some wine, cheeses, and crackers to add to the picnic. John had finished the sandwiches and grabbed the basket kept in the back of your closet, and the two of you started assembling the basket, you admonishing him for throwing everything in instead of making it look as nice as possible.

“But love, it looks very pretty this way, but the cheese and crackers will fall out if you put it this way,” he said, beginning to undo what you’d done. You whined. John stopped and gave you a kiss.

“How about we arrange it for practicality, and once we’re there we can pick some flowers and you can make it look even more pretty on the blanket?” You were satisfied with this, giving and “ok,” and kissing him back.

“I’m just saying though, if you’re going through the effort of a picnic, why not put the effort into the picturesque quality of it?” You reasoned.

“I completely agree, love,” John smiled. The two of you put on your shoes and grabbed a blanket. He held out his hand. “Shall we?” he asked, and you grabbed his hand, smiling as you walked firmly together. The two of you walked to the park nearby, a nicely sized one with flowers peaking out and a pond. The two of you found a sunny spot and set everything up, John picking you flowers as you arranged everything to your liking. You gasped in joy as you saw the gorgeous flowers he’d gotten you, and were flattered he chose such nice ones for your date. Finally, the two of you sat down with satisfied sighs, and John didn’t hesitate to pull you to sit between his legs, to which you squealed for a moment but adjusted happily. The two of you got to work eating, talking, basking in the sun and each others company. There wasn’t a worry in the world, and there were laughing children playing nearby, dogs running around happily, and ducks slowly marching by before taking a cooling dip in the sun. The weather remained perfect, not too hot and you never got chilly either. It was nice getting time to catch up with John too. He wasn’t on tour, so you had been seeing him, but still not as much as you would have liked with the next album starting up. Neither of you had any big things to update each other on, but it was still just as satisfying to talk about the hum-drum ordinary things in your life from recently. John fed you some chocolate adorably and you tucked a flower behind his ear, loving the sound of his voice and his presence touching you. Both of you were finally relaxed too, not that you stressed each other out normally, but from other aspects in your lives. You could really see the difference with John. His shoulders weren’t hunched, his jaw not tensed, his hair silky smooth and not mussed from running his hands through it out of nerves. His smile too, he wasn’t afraid today to bear his toothy smile which loved, the small gap between his two front teeth and the way the sides of his eyes would crinkle so adorably. Eventually, the sun set and moon rose, still early, but neither of you wanted to move. It wasn’t any less colder, but a transition still felt needed. The two of you packed everything up quickly, but decided to stay out a bit longer.

The two of you strolled down the streets, weaving in and out of parks and along the river when you found it, down past shops and row houses and lights along the city, talking or enjoying the ambiance, never a dull moment. The two of you did stop when you hit the river again at one point, you stopping and grabbing the edge of the rail to look out onto the city, the moon glinting brightly moreso than the city lights across the water, glittering and sparkling, even beyond the sun. John saw you, looked at you in the moonlight, saw how your hair moved softly in the light breeze, and took you all in. He came up behind you, holding you close and breathing you in. You smiled, leaning into him, giving him a kiss.

“I love you so very much,” he said quietly. The two of you were nearly forehead to forehead, smiles all around.

“I love you more than anything,” you told him. John hummed happily and the two of you looked out onto the river together.

“You’re it for me, Y/N,” he started. You looked to him a bit confused, but he just smiled more and explained. “There’s never going to be anyone else I’ll love more than you. I know it. Because it’s impossible.”

“John,” you whispered, turning around in his arms, touched. He kissed you and grabbed your hands. He seemed thoughtful, almost concerned for a moment, but decided to go for it.

“Would you marry me one day?”

“Are you… proposing?” you said, now wide eyed, but unsure what he was saying.

“No. Not right now. I just mean, is that where you see us going? Is that what you want with me? Because that’s what I want with you. Only you. And I know that for certain now,” he explained. Warmth filled your heart.

“Of course I would marry you, John. I’d marry you right here right now,” you said, the biggest smile on your face.

“Well… good,” John chuckled, unsure of how to continue, but both of you were completely pleased and even more secure in your relationship. You chuckled, and then noticed he still had the flower behind his ear which you’d put earlier. You pulled it out, fixing his hair, and sniffed it, taking in its lovely fragrance before looking deep into John’s gorgeous eyes.

“To us?” you said, raising the flower like you were making a toast. John chuckled. You were so adorable and perfect to him, for him. He grabbed your hand, fitting it over yours to also hold the flower.

“To us, for always,” he said, sealing your promises and dedication to each other with a kiss. You continued to hold the flower as you walked home together hand in hand, happy beyond belief. The two of you stayed up a bit and went to bed. But just as John fell asleep, you were still awake. You took the flower which you had set down once you got home, grabbed a book, and pressed it so you could keep it forever, because today, this time and this feeling with John wasn’t something you’d ever want to forget. You set the book back in place, and it looked almost like it didn’t contain something so important, and hopped into bed with John, who immediately grabbed you close, pulling you into him and whispered a sleepy “goodnight,” as the two of you drifted off to sleep once more, always together.

#john deacon #john deacon imagine #john deacon x reader #queen #my writing

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sherifftillman · 1 year

Note

I'd love matching pyjamas with Robin, please!

Pairing: Robin Buckley x f!Reader

Genre: fluff

Word count: 2.2k

A/N: This ended up being more about reader and Steve interacting while reader and Robin are established lol, but I like the way it ended up! <3

“He-hey, there, temp! Happy holidays to you,” Steve half-chuckles, half-sings as he holds out a headband with reindeer antlers on it in both his hands out in front of him, wiggling it from side to side.

“Harrington, what the fuck is this?” you ask, amused disapproval clear in your expression as he sets it on top of your head.

“Whaddaya think? It’s the start of the holiday season! Get into the spirit! Boop!” You can tell Steve is absolutely loving getting to make you look completely ridiculous as he puts a red nose onto you. “Oh, look at you!” He grins wickedly. “Don’t you look - hey, Robin, come look!” He calls over his shoulder. “Doesn’t she look so cute?!”

Your fellow colleague steps out from the back room, leaning on the counter and looking at you with lingering, adoring eyes. “Simply adorable,” she smiles softly.

Though the compliment makes your heart race, you flash a warning look of fear your girlfriend’s way. While she tells you all the time that she’s out to Steve and he took it perfectly well, she understands that you’re still at a place in your own journey through your sexuality that you just don’t feel comfortable coming out to anyone, yet. You hadn’t even meant to come out to Robin, it was only when she'd overheard you selling Scarface to a guy by describing Michelle Pfeiffer in immense detail. You'd always hoped that Robin's sense of style was more than just a quirk, that she were more than just a tomboy. It wasn’t until the third date she’d asked you on that you even realised they were dates.

“Where’s yours?” you ask indignantly, lightly shoving Steve as you walk past him. He pulls a Santa hat out from where he’d shoved the pompom end into his back pocket and places it on his head proudly. You groan at Robin, “Please tell me I’m not going to be subjected to him asking girls if they’ve been nice or naugh-”

“Eight times already,” she answers, exhausted. “I managed to stop the one attempt of a crude joke involving visiting his North Pole before anyone had to get Keith involved,” she rolls her eyes. You simply giggle and start your work, pulling out the rental returns bin to start reshelving them.

Your shift goes as every other one does. Incidental brushes against your girlfriend all the while, each of you sneaking to the other while Steve's back is turned to steal a kiss. Sometimes you do wonder whether Robin hates that she has to hide you from her best friend, but even she will admit from time to time that she has fun deliberately distracting him to get some alone time with you.

Keith eventually calls you all over to inform you all that corporate insists on each branch of Family Video having a holiday get-together. However, since they want it to be a bonding moment between employees only, Keith is opting out since, in his words, "there's not really a point in me going out of my way to go somewhere if there's no babes."

Robin's gaze flickers to you, then back to Keith, looking very offended on your behalf, but you give her a very quick elbow to her side. She pulls a face at you that you can't quite read, though a glance at Steve shows you that he can, which you're not sure how to feel about. "So," Keith's nasal drone brings you back to reality, "since you guys are - well, Steve's the party boy," he snorts with laughter, causing Steve to pull one of his classic 'bitch' faces of annoyed disbelief. You and Robin try desperately to suppress your laughter as Keith continues, "I'm delegating you the responsibility of throwing everyone a party. Alright? Now move out, you’ve got company.” He jerks his head towards the customers just walking in.

“Is he serious?” Robin mutters to you as Steve works whatever he calls ‘charm’ on the customers.

“I don’t think Debbie’s gonna wanna hang out with us when she doesn’t have to, she’d rather be with her kids,” you point out, before grimacing. “And I swear to god, if either of you put me in a situation where I’m forced into Mouthbreather Malcolm’s proximity and I’m not even getting paid to do it -”

“Mouthbreather Malcolm?” Steve asks, amused, as he rejoins your conversation.

“Be thankful that Keith allows you two to work together all the time,” you roll your eyes. “Some of us aren’t so lucky. That’s why I’m always so excited to work a shift with you guys.”

“Oh, that’s why?” Robin asks with a smirk, crossing her arms and looking you up and down suggestively. If Steve weren’t also blatantly standing in front of you, you’d have pinned your girlfriend against the counter and kissed all the air out of her lungs. “No other reason why you like working with us specifically?”

“One of you, sure,” you tease back.

Steve cackles as he shimmies past you, “Sucks to be you, Robin!” before heading over to tidy up a display, muttering along to whatever festive song is playing over the speaker. You and Robin simply exchange those looks once again.

Over the course of the month, you all decide that the best way to spend the $100 holiday party money is by not throwing a party, but rather buying everyone a gift instead. Splitting it between the five of you (“Keith did opt out of whatever we use the party money for, after all,” Robin had pointed out), the others gave you the task of buying Malcolm and Debbie’s gifts. You just bought them both gift cards, assuming they’d appreciate those far more than whatever a handful of barely-legal teenage adults think they’d like. Between the three of you, you all decide to split the gift giving and receiving between all of you, each buying the other two something for no more than $10 each.

You decide that the day of giving will be one where just the older adults are working. All three of you drop their gift cards off (which they’re very grateful for, and the relief they show at not having to open a gift they might not appreciate is not subtle), and then head to Steve’s while his parents are at some big holiday gala, so you can spend the night just hanging out, gorging on pizza and watching whatever you’d all managed to smuggle out of the store without Keith noticing.

Once Steve has opened his gifts from the two of you, as all of you sit on his living room floor, he insists that you and Robin open your gifts from him at the same time. As you do, you simper at how sweet it is that Steve seems to have bought you some really nice pyjamas - until you notice that Robin’s been gifted an identical set.

She looks at you with the same speedy panic-stricken expression that you give her. Steve, seeing this, hurriedly explains, “Alright, okay, listen. Hear me out!” He takes a deep breath out. “First things first, neither of you have told me anything, okay? But, well… Just because I didn’t get into college, it doesn’t mean I’m stupid,” he raises his eyebrows at you both. “So, look. I got you both things to match, so that if you wanted to wear them… You know, together, you can do it here, and I’m… Totally okay than that. More than, in fact. Or, I really have been an idiot and bought you both the same thing, in which case, you can just clown on me,” he shrugs. “I’m, uh, gonna go order that pizza now. If you guys wanna… Exchange your own gifts… Without me.” He nods before getting up and walking out to the kitchen.

Robin shuffles to sit right next to you and rests her head on your shoulder. “See? Knew he’d be cool with it.”

“Yeah,” you say wistfully, moving to plant a kiss amidst her hair as you stroke it. But something still doesn’t feel… Perfect. That’s what Robin deserves. You scratch her head gently to get her attention, “Hey, you wanna get all matchy-matchy with me?”

“It’s so dorky,” you can hear the laughter in her voice. “Absolutely.” Holding your face up to kiss you as she stands, Robin tucks her new pyjamas under her arm and heads out to a bathroom.

You get up, too, but instead go for the kitchen. You stare at Steve’s back as he’s on the phone, preparing yourself for what you’re about to tell him. What you should have told him the moment Robin told you he was good to. The one thing she shouldn’t have had to hide from him. He turns to look at you, confused, as you march up to him, hold his biceps at arms’ length and state, “Steve… I’m gay.”

His face goes on one of his and Robin’s infamous silent journeys. Confusion as to why you’re telling him something he already knows. Realisation that clearly you wanted to actually tell him that yourself. Pride that you felt comfortable enough to tell him. And finally, a casual half-smile with a, “Thanks for sharing.”

“And I really like Robin. Your best friend,” you continue.

“I’m familiar with her work, yes.”

“Shut up,” you sigh jokingly, and he laughs. “I… I’m sorry that I made her hide us from you. And I’ll apologise to her a thousand times more over it, because she always told me you’d be okay, but I was still scared. And I should trust her, because she was right, as always.”

“You know, I kinda figured all along, anyway. Or at least, for a while now,” he half-shrugs.

“What… Told you?” you ask quietly.

He smiles wistfully. “You make her happy. Like, so happy. And whenever you’re not working with us, she wants me to take her straight home, I assume to call you.” You smile bashfully and he continues, amused. “And when you are, well… I don’t think Robin “dropping” Ghostbusters onto the floor by throwing it 5 yards is as “accidental” as she’d make out it was. Ironic choice of words there, am I right?!” He asks you in a silly voice, nudging you with his elbow. “Don’t think I don’t know what you two were trying to do!”

Your face turns bright red as you shake your head and push past him. “I’m going to get changed now, I can’t be around you a minute longer.” Steve’s loud, deliberate laugh follows you up the stairs.

When you re-enter the living room and see Robin, dressed exactly as you, you feel a surge of emotion form deep in your chest. Happiness - more than that, elation. Comfort. Love. Home. You can tell Robin’s going through the same emotions as she looks over at you, too. She waves you over to the couch and you all but pounce on top of her, snuggling into your usual position of big spoon as Steve sets up the first movie of the night.

“So,” Robin mutters, quiet enough to stay out of Steve’s earshot. “You think I’m always right?”

“Subject to change,” you reply back, making her laugh. “Steve tell you I told him?”

“I might have been a little nosey and listened in,” she admits. “I’m proud of you, though.” She reaches for your hand and interlocks your fingers with hers, pulling your arm around to hug her tighter.

That’s when you feel it. The final click. But that’s for a time when Steve’s not in the room.

And so, as if by fate, the doorbell rings, and Steve goes out to greet the pizza guy. The moment he’s gone, you let go of Robin’s hand, to her disgruntlement, and tap her shoulder so that she rolls over to face you. “Hey,” you whisper.

“Hi,” she grins, pressing her lips to yours.

“I love you,” you say against them. She pulls back, looking half-shocked and half-elated. You’re really starting to nail this face language she and Steve have going on. She grins widely at you, and so you repeat, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she beams, leaning back in to kiss you until you’re interrupted by the sounds of fake retching.

You and Robin break away from each other to glare at Steve as he walks into the centre of the room, putting the pizza box down on the table and putting his hands up in defence. “Kidding! I’m kidding. You’re all loved up and it’s adorable and,” he makes an unintelligible sound as he pulls a face and waves a feeble jazz-hand motion, which makes the two of you laugh. “Just come and get your food.”

Your whole life, you’d always felt like something wasn’t right, something you couldn’t put your finger on and that you could never fully explain. When you first realised you were gay, you always assumed that feeling was a never-ending fear that you’d never live the same life that your parents got to. But sitting here, curled up on the couch, matching clothes with your love, and living in this little bubble where at least everyone in the room right now loves and accepts you for who you are, this is it. This is what you feared you’d be missing. You’ve never been happier to be wrong about something.

#robin buckley #robin buckley x reader #robin buckley imagine #robin buckley x you #robin buckley fanfic #robin buckley fic #robin stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things x you #stranger things x reader #robin buckley fluff #robin stranger things #ficmas #*myfics

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pleasetiemyshoelaces · 29 days

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This new boop feature is EVERYTHING

get booped bitches <3

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rozcdust · 2 years

Text

I don’t speak to whores

Pairing: Bonten x AroAce!GN!Reader

Genre: Crack, SMAU

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Canon divergent, profanity, ooc, whore behaviour, qpp relatinship, NO ROMANCE, just reader bullying Bonten

pt. 3 | masterlist

“What,” Ran slammed his hands on the conference meeting table, “Should we do about y/n?!”

“Photosynthesis.” Kokonoi mumbled into his chin, face buried deep into his palms, “Photosynthesis.”

“Or, hey, maybe we could just leave them alone?” Kakucho threw his hands, looking to the rest of his coworkers for support, “No one? Really? Okay.”

“Flowers didn’t work, they’re allergic.” Ran paced around the room, chewing the skin around his thumb, “And Koko’s bribing failed.”

“Well,” Rindou smirked, lazily leaning back into his seat, “We’ll just have to try harder.”

“We know nothing about them,” Kokonoi pointed out, exhaustion written all over his face, “Are they in a relationship? Do they like jewellery? Do they have any distant relatives desperately in need of a toe transplant we can pay for so they’ll be forever in our debt?

“Don’t worry about that,” Sanzu spun in his chair, smirking, “I already planted a recording device on them. We’ll find out everything we have to know to get them to quit in less than a day.”

“Oh,” Rindou quirked an eyebrow, a mischievous smile playing on his face as he pulled out a small stack of 10,000 yen bills from his pocket, “I’m putting money on Sanzu to get them to quit.”

“And this is what I pay you for.” Mikey muttered from his chair, staring into the ceiling, hopelessness and misery written all over his face, “I will fucking kill myself.”

“But, Tora, please?”

“Absolutely not.”

Kazutora refused to even look at you, keeping his gaze firmly locked on the pet food catalogue he was reading, stopping ever so briefly to make notes of what had to be restocked.

“But Toraaaa~,” Chifuyu jumped to your rescue, standing behind you with a pouty expression, “Look at her! Isn’t she adorable?”

“Look how tiny my face is!” You exclaimed, hoping at least some of your words will pierce down to the core of Kazutora’s cold, dead heart.

The tiny kitten you held in your arms meowed.

“Chifuyu, don’t encourage them,” Kazutora warned, finally looking up to give you a stern gaze, “And no, y/n, we can not adopt a kitten. Our apartment complex is not pet friendly.”

“But Towaaa~” It was Chifuyu’s turn to try again, but he was quickly silenced by a glare and the bowl of candy they kept at the register being thrown his way.

“Wow. Betrayal,” You muttered, still holding the kitten close to your chest, “I can’t believe you’ve done this.”

“Y/n-“

“No, no, Tora, I see how it is.”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, clearly too used and not used enough to the kind of bullshit you decided to serve him today.

“Y/n-“

“He’s a meanie, but don’t worry, I’ll get you to go home with us one day.” You cooed, gently booping the kitten's nose, “Yes we will, but oh yes we will baby! Look how cute you are!”

Tora merely shook his head, hopeless, clearly about to say something before he was interrupted.

“Tora, it’s the end of your shift!” Baji peeked out from the employee backroom, sending you a brief nod of acknowledgement.

Kazutora nodded, his back letting out a concerning crack as he stood up and took the pet shop apron off.

You didn’t budge, glaring, the kitten curled up and purring under your chin.

“Y/n, we have to go, come on, I’ll treat you to dinner.”

You hissed, swatting at his outreached hand, the kitten still clinging to your shirt, now awake and glaring at Kazutora as if it were planning his funeral.

“Sir, is there a problem?” Baji appeared out of nowhere, standing behind you, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Yes, sir?” Chifuyu hopped up to the gig, copying Baji with a mischievous grin on his face.

Kazutora groaned.

“Come on guys, we-“

“Sir, I’ll have to ask you to leave. You’re bothering our customer and dear friend.”

“Baji-“

“You heard him, bitch. Go!”

It took all of Kazutora’s strength not to scream, instead gently plucking the kitten from your arms and dropping it on Baji’s head, picking you up as if you were a mere bag of potatoes, followed by a hissy fit from all parties involved, kitten and you both annoyed you had to be separated so soon, Baji and Chifuyu dramatically trying to hold you back to let you play with the kitten a little more, and him desperate to just get some damn food.

And no one messes with Kazutora and his damn food.

Kazutora brushed them off as if they were nothing, and slamming the doors to the pet shop so hard you heard an audible crack, off you were.

On to the 12-foot trek to the car.

Kazutora threw you in the passenger seat, careful so your head wouldn’t hit the top of the car, but with enough force that you yelped, rubbing your ass in annoyance.

Tora jumped in the driver seat, swiftly turning on the kiddie lock to make sure you don’t escape and go back to play with the kitten, ignoring your feral hissing and scratching of the car window.

“I’m never letting you drive again, asshole.” You mused out, finally giving up, annoyed and pouting like a five-year-old.

Kazutora merely grinned, knowing you’ll always let him drive, no matter what he does to cause your wrath.

You knew driving was one of the simple pleasures Kazutora treasured dearly, the concept of being able to go anywhere and everywhere he wished so foreign after spending a decade in jail, yet so comforting you couldn’t help but smile every time his face lit up.

Which also led to another problem.

His obsession with smartphones, and taking pictures constantly.

You weren’t gonna stop him, but every time he asked to take a picture of you because ‘Look how aesthetically pleasing the scenery is!’ made you question if he was your partner or your mother.

He even talked you into transforming one of the extra rooms in your apartment into a black room, which you agreed to, after he promised he wasn’t gonna become a serial killer and start developing pictures of crime scenes there.

“Which restaurant haven’t we gone to yet?” Tora wondered out loud, turning the key to turn on the engine.

“There is a new place in the centre of Shinjuku, I heard it is decent enough.”

“Excellent.” Kazutora grinned, leaning over you to open the glovebox compartment and pull out a small, red box.

He turned to look at you, his grin almost splitting his face in half, flipping the box open to reveal a perfectly polished, diamond engagement ring inside.

“You up for free dessert?”

You smirked back.

“Always.”

What you did not expect the next day at 7 in the bloody a.m. in the morning, was a depressed puppy nervously waltzing into your office, carrying the biggest fucking fruit basket you’ve ever seen in one hand, a thick envelope in the other.

“Hey.” He awkwardly greeted, smiling briefly.

“Hi? How can I help you, Kakucho?” Your greeting sounded more like a question than a statement.

Kakucho seemed taken aback by that question, as if he wasn’t the one who practically caved in the floorboards with his stomping.

You could practically smell the urge to run on him.

“So, I, um, yeah, I-“ He inhaled deeply, finally taking a step closer to your desk, slamming the basket and envelope hard enough, you could swear you saw a screw flying off, “I was in the same restaurant you were in when your boyfriend proposed, and I wanted to congratulate you on your engagement and offer you a gift! You can’t say no or I will eat my own kidney, I hope you and your fiancé have a very happy and successful marriage! Goodbye!”

What the fuck.

You barely understood a damn word, not even being able to ask what the fuck he was on before he marched out of your office, slamming the door off its hinges.

You blinked.

What in the ever-loving fuck was that?

🔖Taglist (closed):

@1818cigarettes @nana-phobia @dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @missarabellla @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @m0rrax @levistiddies @bxnten @spookygeto @graythecoffeebean @yukihime-mikeys-girl @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @crybabylisa @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @gigibobigi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @xashiui @bontens-whore @nqctre @bontenacious @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @hxked @erza-uzumaki @sh4nn @sisnot @aurel1ia @nahoyas-nymph @one-green-frog @justrandomlypassing @kio-kookie @haikyuu-simps-assemble @arlecchino-n-scara-k @ayhashi @mOrl @tiredlattes @jeagerslutx @hayamirinrin @crown5 @medusalovessnakes @bblyerim @ohnoyouareasimp @sakinotfound @syddisheep @barcelona-sergei @solliver05 @ricecake23 @ayamvirus @vanillaashakee (second tag list in comments. in bold are those who tumblr won’t let me tag. my apologies!)

a/n: after some consideration, i have decided to give y/n tora as a queer platonic partner! the relationship between them is not meant to be read as anything other than platonic 🤧 also not to brag but i got into my top choice law university 😌💅

#tokyorev #tokyo revengers #bonten x reader #kakucho hitto #ran haitani #rindou haitani #haruchiyo sanzu #manjiro sano #kokonoi hajime

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femboy-expert · 10 months

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psssst, c'mere

*boops you and your cat and runs away* get booped bitch >:3

I am actually both me and my cat

#196

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incarnateirony · 3 months

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Here's the thing, I was around this crazy bitch long enough I, too, like I'm certain Mark and others are in the state of, let her absolutely fuck my head up for a while falling into her shit under good faith, "everything's equal and valid", whatever the fuck.

I KNOW by now she's said some shit that doesn't add up, she can't fucking help herself, but they'll keep putting bandaids on it to repair the narrative and make excuses for why The Great God Hermes can't see SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

When I left that house I literally had to fucking recalibrate my shit because she got me all knocked off center, I basically had to re-teach myself some shit while processing out, yeah, I too let her pull me into some ritual madness to comply with her whims. She did, indeed, get me deep in enough that for a year or so there I thought she could Boop the god Pan into my head because of our working connection, and I'd act all feral and feel like someone different, but it's just a disassociative personality state, which is why I cut her off on her "practicing" and RP, and then these motherfuckers all come in and join the crazy bus voluntarily, and here we are, 3 years later, with her still riding my dick in every way imaginable.

Like i truly had to process this bitch's Toxic Crazy off of me like an alchemical fucking event. Letting her wave around a sage stick and feel like she chased out Casper wasn't hurting anyone, but at this point we are so far past one flew over the cuckoo's nest.

The great god hermes couldn't even tell her I personally wasn't in independence when she tried to shitpost to be a smartass. I'm in Blue Springs, you dumb ho. I set your dumb ass up saying independence like a year ago. Someone else was waiting for you there. He even was telling you to call the doctor, you were going to the doctor. And you know, it's who you were looking for, it's just they don't conveniently look like my face. Yeah Shea, why DID it look like Silent Hill until the day your spider died at the domestic spider equivalent of 40 years old, right when you were told don't fight it, it's coming for you, the walls can't stop us now, everything you ever wanted was right in front of you, this was where you want to be, pokemon battle initiated, he's about to be knocked out cold. [insert Izanami fog joke of refusing to look at the truth and ultimately dying as the price]

Real weird that Kansas City Metro area had the densest fog coverage in the nationwide fogout same day my camera was shitting foggy bricks and stopped when the fog hit you bitching. You know, the densest coverage, except exactly where I fucking was, for a few mile radius, with no fog. Real fuckin weird. Notice these are all like, real events, that aren't just coming from inside my head, and at best you could argue I'm interpreting the events but there's a fucking difference here, try to spot it.

Then go watch percy jackson and get hilariously mowed down by the timing of every single fucking hermes element dropping a timeless, gift wrapped deuce on your head, somewhere between Persona 3 posting you can't escape time, only for it to early ship, only for it to also dump on your head, and a P5 leak, all when I was messaging you those songs before the leaks, and now after. All dropping titanic shits on you idiots. TO THE DUMB KIDS. GET BODIED. He's outside of space and time kids, why do you think they put him in charge of the mail--OH WAIT [pops in early Persona copy] OH LOOK AT THAT OPENING SHITTING ON YOUR FACES TOO. WONDER WHO ESCAPED TIME TO MANAGE THAT ONE, HUH ATLUS??

YOU KIDS KNOW HOW TO PLAY CRAPS???? DO NOT COME. DAMNIT YOU CUMMED, AND NOW THE FICTIONAL HERMES DEMIGOD LUKE ON TV HAS TO EXPLAIN WHY YOUR SPIDER IS DEAD, BASICALLY. LOTUS LOTUS LOTUSJUICE. BEETLEFUCKINJUICE COMING ONLY THIS MOTHERFUCKIN SEPTEMBER

Call it fucking "magic". Call it a fucking "god". It is what it is, but it certainly isn't my fucking face, and you refuse to engage it properly, just play until people pay the penalty for you fucking around.

You want to learn this shit shea, you think you do, but no, you want to play in the madness, not the reason. It's the collective subconscious, not a fucking punk rock mazda driver, but congratulations, the whole planet subconsciously knows you're nuts and kind of wants you in the dirt.

Goddamn you used to recommend Thenea, and deadass her interview with Hermes has him calling people stupid for calling him for what one calls classic magic. "Am I good at it? I mean, yeah, but [crochet story about being left or right handed] But my magic isn't right. It works for ME. Hekate is a goddess of magic that mortals can actually USE. I'll never understand why they call me instead of her. I can't teach you, go learn from a righty."

Cuz I'm gonna give you a big fuckin guess what his "magic" is. And we're gonna go right back to dragging your ass to a fucking shrink and having a Come To Jung moment here.

Face the goddamn music you obsessed bitch, you built a whole temple cult to humping my face because you couldn't delineate reality from fantasy. That's why you still had the psychotic compulsive energy to invest seven months blowing furries in a server just to try to harass my business partner three goddamn years after I left your ass and tried to forget you exist, but you won't fucking let me. You're fucking angry that I, he, whatever you perceive of it, fucking left you, and doesn't want you, and no amount of ripping out your hair or roleplaying is filling that fucking void, so you get angrier, and more obsessed, and now you're just fat, crazy, and bald, and you're just gonna keep on keeping on with your octopus jibberish instead of seeing a shrink. What you are experiencing is consequences of your actions and the stark realization that after 20 years of deluding yourself, you can't narratively replace real people, and it's not coming back.

LET US GO.

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