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#funny lil robot man
ifra-strawberii · 7 months
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Raspberii
A cute, well-meaning robot boy who works for an evil scientist! Raspberii's a sweet little critter, a Robot designed after a Temayn - a big fluffy eared creature - who was made by Dr. River Nile, a mad scientist who decided he needed an assistant around the lab. Someone who could help with his biggest projects, be there for him when he needed them, and just in general keep him on an evil path that DOESN'T lead to accidentally destroying his own lair, sort of like a moral compass! Raspberii's an innocent goof though and isnt' really capable of evil himself, though he does try his best!
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"I think this is the most inhuman; and human, that I've ever felt.." MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN A YEAR. IN FIVE YEARS. A DECADE. imagine how much can happen in a century. just ONE (1). How will you grow? what phases do you find? even in 5 years, you will find patterns.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#jrwi the suckening#arthur bennett#HEY SO THE REALLY FUNNY THING THAT THE CHARACTER DID THAT SEEMED RLY SILLY N GOOFY IN THE MOMENT?#LIKE THE WHIPLASH BETWEEN SERIOUS N SILLY ALMOST PISSED YOU OFF? WHAT IF I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE YOU SAD ABOUT IT#this was meant to be a scribble that would be a bigger part of a bigger page.might leave it on that page.#but still. bc o that i nearly posted it onto my wacky side blog.BUT NAYY I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME N ENERGY N YOU GOTTA SEE IT#ARTHUR BENNETT DRIVES ME CRAZY. I FEEL LIKE ITS ODD FOR HIM TO BE SO TECHNOLOGICALLY OUT OF TOUCH#WHERE HAS HE BEEN. HAS HE BEEN IN WAR? IS THAT WHERE MAGNUS CAME FROM? WHERE WAS HE WHEN HE WAS WITH EDWARDS CREW?#ARTHURRR I HAVE QUESTIONS ARTTHUUURR!! HEY CAN I ALSO ASK; WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BECOME#DO YOU THINK HE HAD ANY IDEA HE WOULD VEER CLOSER AND CLOSER TO THE MONSTER HE DESPISES. ALL BC HE DESERVES IT. OR WATEVER#HE FASCINATES ME SO MUCH. TO LOOK AT THE STONE COLD STOIC FOOL FROM THE START OF THE SHOW#AND TO FIND OUT THAT HE USED TO BE A BAD BOY.. A DELINQUENT... A LIL PRANKSTER.... MY GODDD THATS ADORABLE#I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW MORE.... BUT I DOUBT THE LAST EPISODE IS GONNA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS..i love arthur bennett so much....#AS FOR THE ART!! i mostly used the fire alpaca watercolor brush. tbh im not a brush guy. anti aliased default pen tends to be my main game#but LATELY IM SQQQUIRMIN OUT OF AN ARTBLOCK so expirimenting like this is helping#DONT LOOK TOO HARD AT IT!! im still proud tho. colors are fun :3 im also very proud of the backgrounds#I LOVE THE CARTOON THING where the background looks all fancy n painted but the characters are solid colors#what else can i ramble abt. OH YEAH. i looked up the bikes to make sure they were time accurate tehehehe. 1913 to 2012.#almost a century apart!! isnt that neat? ALSO FUUUCK CAN I JUST MAKE A QUICK CONFESSION. DOWN HERE IN MY TAGS.#only the strongest can read my tags anwyay. SO I REALIZED WHY I LOVE ARTHUR SO MUCH. TIME IS A FLAT CIRCLE#while arthur is a Stoic and Cool vampire w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORs#THERE HAPPENS TO BE A ROBOT FROM A BAND W A TITANIUM ALLOY SPINAL COLLUMN#WHOS A Stoic and Cool ROBOT w a knack for being playful/silly; who alsos been alive fora century thus witnessing HORRORS#the fuckkkiiinnngggnn The Spine from steam powered giraffe. WHATEVER. i cant escape from my heart. i guess.#i think The Spine and Arthur could be friends. Arthur saw the band perform back when they were the Steam Man Band#EDIT: WOOPS I DIDNT REALIZE THIS WOULD END UP IN THE SPG TAG. HI GUYS DIDNT KNOW U WERE STILL ALIVE SORREE 4 THE CROSS CONTAMINATION
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wave-man · 4 months
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ok since uncovering the old ocs ive been thinking about how they could be like. better and i kind of want to use them again help
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catsburgers · 5 months
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i cant believe mumbo was brought back to life and proceeded to carry the mounders to victory....... wow...
full bodies under the cut, will break down their designs for fun too
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bee double oh one hundred!!
moss on shoulders from his moss skin
compass became a lives count
dinnerbone nametag in pocket is a reference to his upside down house, and the red is specifically referring to what life hes on. if he was green it would be green etc
earth keychain referring to his house
2 zombie bites referring to how he died to a zombie twice LMAO
shovel for the mounders BAYBEEE!!
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mister mumbo jumbo
i already posted this design but didn't include any info so
im obsessed w/ the robot hcs iv seen so i decided fuck it why not. redstone powered cyborg. he had his parts replaced during lastlife after all the time he tinkered w/ end crystals
the knot of his tie is a heart, and his tie is burnt after he died in the lava
heart cufflinks. idk man i loved sneaking in hearts wherever i could on the designs
sewn on patches on his book bag. redstone, a book and an apple (god i WISH i remembered why i put an apple on that??)
heart bookmark!! like bdubs, it shows what life he's on :3. his tie would also change colors
monster shoes stolen from a pin on my pinterest feed. idk hes a vampire he'd have funny shoes.. like its in the contract did u not read it
ANVIL. comedic anvil squash sfx. yeah
shovel!!! mounders!!
umbrella looks like the deep dark :^)
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pearl pearlescentmoon my aus bff
fanny pack. like a true aussie.
keeps her book in there!!
AND THONGS (flipflops). she'd wear them i just know it
moth wings too ykyk
SHOVEL BABYY!!!!!
enchanted flame bow!!
wearing tilly's collar too
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joel small beans
listen bro didnt give us anything to go off so i just went basic
heart on shoes, red streak and red eyes yk how it goes
pumpkin patch for lizzie... ough..
diamond shovel!! the only mf to have a damn diamond one in this whole group...
dumb lil antenna i FORGOT TO COLOR but im too lazy to fix.. srry
he keeps his book in his pocket bc i was too lazy to draw another book
yeah thats all rlly :P
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sapphicdib · 9 months
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Your cycle consumes itself. What have you become?
(ˡᵒʳᵉ ᵈᵘᵐᵖ ᵇᵉˡᵒʷ ᶜᵘᵗ)
SO THIS IS MY INV VS SAINT AU!! It started as a shitpost and uh. Spiralled. Out of control. And now it’s genuine lol.
Enot and Saint are basically mortal enemies, and Saint needs to get Enot OUT OF THE CYCLES in order to continue his work, because this damn horny bastard won’t stop hunting him down…for some reason. Isn’t ascension the greatest gift you can bestow upon the creatures suffering in this barren wasteland? At least Saint thinks that. Inv, on the other hand, does not.
Enot stumbles upon Pebbles while passing through the silent construct, trying to find food one day. He takes a liking to this half-dead pink toaster, bringing him scraps of fabric as blankets and lanterns, and the best part…talking to him. Inv, somehow, can talk to iterators. And despite Pebbles’ very limited ability to reply, he does appreciate the company, and slowly the cycles become less agonizing. Pebbles has a friend. However, when Saint finds him, his immediate reaction is to attempt to ascend him—and he is tackled by a very angry slugcat, hissing and spitting at him in defence of its friend.
When Saint attempts to ascend him, he misses, just barely clipping Enot’s tail and glitching him half-out of reality. He then realizes, to his horror, that his karma seems to be draining. Whatever the hell this thing is, it’s dangerous, and Saint retreats to restore his karma (and heal some of the nasty wounds Enot gave him).
Inv turns back to see Pebbles, staring at him in pure fear, before he simply whispers out a “Thank…you…”. And that’s when Inv makes it his mission to save Pebbles (and everyone else) from Saint.
This leads to Inv running around the map, hot on Saint’s heels, trying to get any and all the iterators to figure out a way to get off their damn strings and LIVE again! Most of them are collapsed or semi-collapsed, so it’ll be an uphill battle, but when a glitchy, teleporting slugcat with the ability to speak tells you to do something…you’d be kinda inclined to do it.
Anyways the reason Enot can’t be ascended is because he is happy to give in to every single one of the great taboos. Wrath, Lust, Friendship, Gluttony, and Self Preservation. He revels in them. And if he can help the others experience them, and become happy with living again, they’ll be immune too! Also he is ridiculously OP to the point of him basically just having DevTools active because I think it’s Funny. He can glitch-teleport and drains the karma of beings around him. He also talks super casually and I think it’s funny.
A little bit of their dynamic hehe:
“Hey, pal!”
“I would like you to stop calling me that, please. You may call me the Saint.”
“Ahah. Not happening.”
“You are incredibly disrespectful.”
“Hey man, I’m not the one calling myself a saint but then running around killing shit and acting like it’s a good thing.”
“You use such vulgar words. I ascend beings, freeing them from the torment of these endless cycles. It is my purpose.”
“Even the ones who don’t want to go? Bro, you don’t even ask. The last robot you almost merked was screaming “no wait” at you, and you still think you’re in the right here? You’re not some kind of righteous saint, that’s called being a fuckin’ serial killer.”
“You do not understand what you are talking about!”
“Whoa, buddy! Are you gettin’ mad? Ain’t that…a lil taboo? PFFT look at your face!”
“I am not tolerating this any longer. Goodbye.”
That’s all I can think of rn! Send asks if you like!
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ticklishprincey · 1 month
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Helluva Boss Tickle Headcannons
Have some headcannons because I'm bored Blitzo -DEVIOUS LER -Main targets are Moxxie and Fizz (after they made up) -If he’s in a ler mood you need to RUN (luckily it doesn’t happen often) -Loves to chase -Loves to sneak up on Moxxie and tickle him while claiming it’s “just a hug, what’s so funny?” -Favorite teases have to do with his lee’s laugh/reactions -”Oh, is this a bad spot? Too bad!” -Very giggly lee -Has a very giggly and bubbly laugh when tickled, a big contrast to his usual snarky and sarcastic cackles -Main lers are Stolas, Moxxie and Fizz -Favorite ler is Moxxie but won’t admit it to save his life -Will never outright say he’s in a lee mood, but if you know him well enough you can tell -He’ll lay across a ler’s lap with his shirt slightly exposing his tummy -Or he’ll instigate a tickle fight just to have someone get revenge -Worst spot is his knees, he’ll go into hysterics if they’re squeezed -Can say the word but it’s embarrassing so he’d rather not Stolas -Very teasy ler -My man has feathers all over him you think he’s not going to use them to torture his lee? -Main targets are Blitzo and Octavia -Gets his target into a lee mood then makes them ask for it  -”I don’t know what you want, darling, you’ll have to tell me~” -Only tickles Octavia with consent, Blitzo isn’t so lucky (not that he minds) -Isn’t ticklish, much to Blitzo’s disappointment. Millie -Absolutely loves to tickle Moxxie when he’s upset or stressed out -Loves to tease -Flusters the hell out of Moxxie and enjoys every minute of it -Likes to point out how flustered he gets around the word -”Awww, hun, it’s just a word! Tickle tickle tickle! Awwwww look at that blush!” -Loves to give raspberries -Not very ticklish but her neck gets a few giggles out of her -Moxxie is the only person who can tickle her without getting hurt Moxxie -Very rare for him to ler -Mainly only ler to Millie and Blitzo if he’s being extra annoying or upset -Can’t say the word even when he’s ler -THE BIGGEST LEE IN HELL OMG -The cutest laugh in history -Main lers are Millie and Blitzo -Favorite ler is Millie -Cannot ask for tickles to save his life -Cannot handle teasing but loves it at the same time -THE CUTEST LIL SNORTS IF YOU GET HIM GOOD AGHHHH -Worst spot is his tummy but he’s ticklish basically everywhere -Won’t ask his ler to stop until he literally can’t breathe and has to tap out -Can you tell who my favorite character is? Octavia -Cannot ler to save her life -Main lers are Stolas and Loona -Hates her laugh but her ler will reassure her it’s adorable -Blushes very easily -Worst spot is her tummy -Raspberries will send her into hysterics Loona -Octavia’s favorite ler -100% tickles Octavia when she’s sad or particularly angsty -Big fan of using raspberries -Not really fond of babytalk but she will tease the living shit out of her lee -”Oh wow, I never knew someone could be this ticklish, how do you survive?” -Not ticklish anywhere except behind her ears -Blitzo is the only one who knows this
Asmodeus -OMG THIS MAN IS A LER 100% -Only to Fizz though -Loves to use petnames in his teases -”Aww~ Is my little fizzy frog ticklish here?” -Gentle tickles, then big raspberries out of nowhere just to throw his lee off their game -THE KING OF BABYTALK OMGGG -He’s a rooster and 100% uses his feathers to his advantage -Bigger and stronger than Fizz so pinning him is super easy -As soon as his lee says anything close to stop he’s cuddling them and asking is he went too far -Only ticklish on his hips -May or may not have accidentally hit Fizz the first time he was tickled -IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZED AFTER BECAUSE HE WILL NOT HURT HIS FIZZY FROG -Doesn’t particularly like being tickled but he loves everything Fizz does so he enjoys it nonetheless Fizzarolli -Crazy ler -100% uses his robot arms to pin his lee -Main target is Blitzo but if he’s feeling brave he’ll go for Asmodeus -Definitely has been kicked in the face before by a certain imp -Lovesssss to tease and babytalk his lee -”Aww~ Is the wittle baby too tickwish? Can he not handle the tickle tickle tickles?” -Second place to Moxxie for cutest lee -Main lers are Asmodeus and Blitzo -Ticklish literally everywhere but his worst spot is his spine and upper back -CANNOT HANDLE BACK/SHOULDER MASSAGES -Asmodeus found out he was ticklish after offering to give him a massage after a hard day -Blushy and giggly lee -Like all you have to do is wiggle your fingers in his direction and he’s blushing and giggling up a storm -100% will retaliate and get revenge tenfold -Use his own teases against him and he will die -Tell him how much it’s gonna tickle and he will also die Did I forget someone? Probably. I’m tired.
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Self Care Day with the V3 Boys!
Because taking care of yourself is important, loves 😌
Shuichi Saihara
You want him to have a self care day with you? He has a lot of stuff to do... well, okay. Sure!
Blushes when you apply the mask to his face.
Jumps at first because it's cold.
Smiles bashfully, cheeks red, while applying yours to your face.
While that's drying, you guys put on a movie quietly and just talk.
Sometimes it's nice to just be together :)
Kaito Momota
Pls he's so excited when you ask him 😭
Wants to make it perfect
He literally puts so much effort in
He's got candles, he puts on calm music, grabs your favorite snacks and drinks, he's got movies lined up, face masks and lotions are already on the table.
Please let him put yours on you 😭
Lowkey wants to cuddle you and watch a rom com. Please do that with him.
He will also slow dance with you. Music or no music.
Ryoma Hoshi
What's that? Taking care of yourself? He's never heard of it.
He'd be rather against the idea of putting anything on his face, but he would absolutely keep you company while you do your self care routine.
If you beg him, he'd probably sigh and let you put a face mask on him.
"If it makes you happy, I guess you can."
You can probably convince him to lay down with you and watch tv, too.
You guys talk about anything and everything.
He could get used to these "self-care days".
Gonta Gokuhara
Smiles and happily agrees to spend time with you. That's Gonta's favorite thing to do!
You want to put a face mask on him? Okay!
Flinches because it's cold 🥺
He really likes the way it smells.
Wants to help you do yours, too!
He will ask you about your day. Not just to make small talk, he really wants to know!
Tell him stories or ask about his day in return and he will smile so wide.
Kiibo
He's a robot, so you probably don't need to put anything on his face. It may damage the metal!
But he will keep you company, if you'd like!
He will offer you suggestions on other things you can do to relax.
"Candles offer a relaxing atmosphere. You may also take a warm bath or get a massage!"
Will probably offer a massage, despite being made of metal.
Surprisingly does a really good job, tho.
Korekiyo Shinguji
Speaking of massages,,
This man is a massage GOD.
He somehow gets knots loose that you didn't even know were there in the first place.
He delicately applies the peeling mask to your face, leaning in extra close to make sure he gets it all.
Chuckles when you blush from the close proximity.
Will also braid your hair. If you have short hair, he gently brushes it for you.
This man knows about self care.
Rantaro Amami
He's so good at this.
If you ask him to paint your nails, he will light up. He would love to!!
Especially if you're nervous/embarrassed. He adores when you're flustered.
You're just so cute~
He will tease the living shit out of you.
He will also do face masks with you!
When you tell him you need a self-care day, he absolutely takes it seriously.
You two listen to quiet music and talk about your talent, his adventures, media you like, anything and everything.
Kokichi Ouma
First of all, why would you think this is a good idea?
Self care and this little gremlin do not mix. Self care is supposed to be calm and relaxing, and Ouma is, well, the exact opposite of that.
I think the best thing he can do for you on self care days is just... leave you alone, to be honest.
But if he's around, here's what he'll do:
He asks about everything you do. What it is, why you use it, what does it do, can he try it?
Tells you that you look funny with a face mask on, then asks if he can use some, too.
Wants to put on a sheet mask and hide somewhere to scare Gonta.
You have to keep him from doing that.
Hope you enjoyed this! I had a self care day today and it inspired me to write this lil thing! Take care of yourselves!! 💖
Mod Kirigiri
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deadghosy · 3 months
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Not a request, but I wanna know from you...
HOW THE HAZBIN HOTEL CHARACTERS WOULD ACT DURING NIGHT 5 IN FNAF.
(Including the Vees and the angels).
Please do it my brain is rotting/pos and ur the only type of blog I can ask these questions lmao
Mmmmmh, I haven’t played fnaf since i was gah damn 6 years old and I only saw like night 1. But I heard about how damn hard night 5 is. So here we go.
Lucifer, this man…..THIS SHORT LIL FUNNY MAN IS MOST DEFINITELY TRYING TO NOT BLOW UP THE WHOLE THE WHOLE RESTAURANT. But he fails as Freddy turned off the lights only to get knocked by a big ass apple Lucifer had thrown. Lucifer is staying in his palace watching cartoons.
Charlie, what makes you think she would be in there without her father who is telling her “GET YOUR ASS BACK HOME!” With her lovely girlfriend. But nah honestly she’ll try to pull a Snow White and try to talk to the animatronics that wants to kill her as freddy’s eyes start to flash its light.
Vaggie, I mean she would be so skeptic to even take the job. So when it reaches night 5, you better believe she turned into the meme of “fuck this shit I’m out.” Immediately she is stabbing them with the spear.
Alastor, PFTTT- this man is burning the place down dead ass😭. This man will probably so just sit and drink tea as he causes another fnaf 3 😭😭
Angel dust, mosttt definitely will try to flirt his way out of being skilled and put into a suit. If that fails. He’s running max speed in them damn high leg heels his got while clutching his pearls and purse 🧍🏾
Husk, he’s too drunk for the damn job 😭 he probably acts like that Mike version that like got bite by foxy? Yk that Version? Uuuh what’s her name rebonica? Yeah that mike version but just grumpy and an alcoholic
Sir pentious, he’s crying as he curls up. 😭 poor thing, and his egg boil ate trying to survive the night as one of them dead by being cracked. But chica probably wants to adopt one of them eggs lol
Cherri, she’s blowing that bitch up if foxy tried running towards her.
The Vee’s, they are the trio who argue who is doing what duty to watch them robot fuckers. But mostly I think Vox will make them haywire and just walk out as if he is some badass
Adam, “yeah fuck no” is what he would say if one of them try to get him. He’s dead ass throwing them out the office and closing all the doors.
Lute, …..she’s straight up leaving the minute the power goes out. Not in fear, but she is tired of this shit and wants to just relax.
Sera, What makes you think she would even be in that place- 😭 she’s literally in heaven just minding her business when she gets teleported surrounded by robots. She might as well just opens portal and go to heaven and leave them looking dumb.
Emily, no. Just no. This sweet BABYYY😭😭🥺 but if I had to, she would be like Charlie and pull a Snow White while trying not to cry in fear.
THATS ALL I GOT!
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you know the transformers fan to objectum pipeline always blows my mind, particularly how short it is
Oh dude absolutely. This series is built for people to speedrun objectumization the same way space jam speed runs the furry pipeline.
Like. You get a whole metric fuckin of series to choose from with incredibly entertaining, distinctive, and well designed characters. There's variety in tone so the net gets cast to a really wide range. Most shows have good character writing so it's super easy to get attached. And since there's a lot of variance in design too, it's not particularly hard to find SOMEONE to be attracted to in robot form.
But you can't really ignore how they turn into vehicles. It's just an intrinsic part of their species, of their character. And it's really easy to go from "oh this is a weird novelty." To "man if I was dating this robot he could give me rides all the time haha" to "wouldnt it be nice to take a little nap in back of his altmode? He could even give me hugs by squeezing the seatbelt <3" to "oh dear god I'm attracted to a truck"
And it goes even further because not only do they turn into vehicles, but they're based off a toyline. It's so easy to get your hands on the figures, and more often than not in the current era of tf, they're built to be media-accurate. They capture the character and all their personality that you've come to love really well. Definitely helps that there's probably a figure for every possible fave you might have, well-known or wildly obscure. If you fantasize about snuggling up with shockwave, holding hands with acidstorm, or giving ratchet a lil forehead kiss, guess what! You can!
There are so many ways Transformers leads to objectum territory it almost feels intentional. Helps that the series has been for the weirdos since the start (like c'mon if they weren't trying to make the robots attractive they wouldn't have had two different bot on human romances in g1 alone), but its still very funny to think about.
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gimmethatagustd · 2 years
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If you are still taking requests I found this and I thought it was funny so I wanted to see if you could please write something with demon Hoseok and this idea thank you😊
satan: I HAVE COME TO TAKE YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF H-
me: wow you're tall
satan: thanks?
me : how tall are you?
Satan : i dunno like 6'6 6'11 with the horns?
me [ twirling hair] omg with horns! You are so funny
NOT TODAY, SATAN | JHS
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If you had known the demon tasked with reaping your soul would be a total #daddy you would have gone to Hell sooner!
» pairing: demon!hoseok x reader
» genre: BTS | 18+ | supernatural | humor | a lil bit of smut
» wc/date: 3.7k | october 2022
» warnings: christian religious themes | discussions about how people have died | some cock fondling | sexual tension | namjoon is the ultimate cockblock and also satan | reader likes one direction serial killer AUs lol
» notes: THIS REQUEST MADE ME CACKLE. i decided to post it for spooky szn~ so i hope that's ok �� (i'm also dying cuz there's like lowkey unintentional parallels to this and my hobi idol au that's really killing me)
» masterlist 
» what was jai listening to? all the good girls go to hell - billie eilish
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
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Purgatory looked like the DMV. 
You should have expected it, honestly. Wasn’t it represented as some type of waiting room in Beetlejuice? Or maybe you were misremembering. Ever since you’d stepped through the front doors, your mind felt foggy. When you looked back through the windows, no parking lot met your gaze. Instead, a soft gray haze was pressed against the glass, causing a bit of condensation to gather. 
How had you gotten here? 
The answer to that seemed a bit foggy, too. 
“Are you going to take a fucking number or just stand there like an idiot?” 
The bristled voice shocked you into action. Stepping forward, you ripped a number tag from the stand directly in front of the door and moved to the side for the voice behind you. A few droplets of water splattered against your ankles when the person reached for their tag. 
You suppressed a gasp. 
She was completely soaked, so wet that she left a trail of water wherever she walked, like some kind of snail or slug. It was difficult to tell what her original complexion was because her skin was now a deep turquoise. Bits of twigs and what looked like seaweed twisted into her hair. 
You followed the stranger’s water trail through the folding chairs lining the large waiting room. The speckled brown carpet squished beneath your sneakers. A bit of water was leaking inside to wet your socks. 
“Number 746!” 
A robotic voice beeped out the number over the speakers just as you sank into an empty folding chair. A man with large, dirty bandages wrapped around his head and over one eye stood from his seat beside you. He clutched a folder of papers to his chest and limped to the counter at the front of the room. 
Three people in matching black professional uniforms sat behind the counter. You thought they resembled bank tellers from how they were spread out with glass barriers separating each person’s portion of the counter. The first two employees sat too far away to make out important details of their faces, but the third was only a few feet away from you. 
He was easily the most beautiful person you’d ever seen in your life. The sharp cut of his jawline and the thin length of his nose slicing through high cheekbones and deep-set eyes made it difficult for you to pull your gaze away from him. Luckily, he was none the wiser of your ogling, for his attention was spent on assisting the person standing in front of the counter. You were free to marvel at his angular features, eventually shifting your eyes from the bow of his lips to examine some of his gentler features. His hair was dark like his outfit and fell soft against his forehead. Poking out of the layered waves were two thick… horns. 
You pressed your thumbs into your eyes, but when you moved them away the horns remained. 
They twisted at the tips, spiraling in opposite directions. A swirling pattern was etched into each of them. It reminded you of fingerprints. 
“Number 749!” 
You glanced down at the crumbled tag in your hand. 749. 
With a sigh, you trudged up to the counter and stood in front of the beautiful man with twisted horns poking out of dark, luscious hair. 
“I need an official form of identification and your death certificate.” 
You stared at him blankly. 
“An official form of identification and your death certificate,” he repeated with more force. 
“I… don’t have a death certificate.” 
Were you dead? How had you died? How could you have possibly received a death certificate if you were dead? You assumed your mother would have it; that was how things went, right? 
The name badge clipped to his shirt read Hoseok, Assistant Manager. Assistant Manager of what? Purgatory?? What in the fuck was going on. 
Hoseok turned to the computer sitting off to the side of his desk. 
“What is your full name and date of birth?” 
You gave him the information he was looking for and leaned forward to watch him tap away at the keyboard. What appeared to be a profile of you flashed across the screen. There was a photo of you, the one from your driver’s license. A few stats about you like your height and where you were born. Toward the bottom of the screen in large red block letters read TIME OF DEATH. You were pretty sure the date was recent, but you didn’t know what day it was currently. Before you could read further, Hoseok closed out the page. 
“I need you to come with me,” Hoseok said abruptly. He gestured for you to step around the counter. 
You took a look over your shoulder. No one else needed to go behind the counter, as far as you could tell. Although, you hadn’t paid much attention to the other people waiting for… whatever it was everyone was doing here. You still didn’t know. 
With a nervous inhale that tickled your throat, you followed the… man? Whatever he was, through a door marked for employees only. 
(So they were called employees. Hence the Assistant Manager badge, and all. What the fuck kind of job was this?)
Scurrying behind him to catch up with his long gait, you noticed that this person was tall. Like, impossibly tall. Come to think of it, it wasn’t just his height that was staggering. Everything about his presence seemed larger than life, like the very walls of the hallway needed to shift and expand to accommodate the power radiating off of him as he walked. You kept your eyes trained on his lean shoulders, watching the way his shoulder blades and back muscles made his shirt ripple when he breathed or turned around the corner. 
“Ahem.” You cleared your throat. 
Silence. 
“Ahem.” 
You did a little skip to speed up your walking and finally fell in line with the man. You flashed him what you’d consider an award-winning grin. 
“Hoseok, right? You’re really fucking tall.” 
He glanced down at you out of the corner of his eye. 
So, a man of few words. Unless he was snapping at you about IDs and death certificates. Apparently. 
“Where are we going?” 
Hoseok immediately halted, catching you by surprise and nearly causing you to trip. 
“Here.” With an outstretched arm, Hoseok opened the door to a simple office. He held it for you as you crossed the threshold. 
“Please, take a seat.” 
You eased into one of the chairs in front of the desk, which Hoseok sat behind once he snapped the door shut. The fabric scratched into the back of your legs. 
Up close, Hoseok was even more breathtaking. You found that the horns weren’t as much of a creepy turnoff as you may have initially thought. Somehow, paired with the shimmering red tint to his eyes and the slits he had instead of proper circular pupils, you were rather turned on by this… otherworldly look he had going for him. It was spooky, in an “emo kid who works at Hot Topic and thinks Happy Tree Friends is edgy” kind of way. So… not spooky at all. Just endearing to the part of your brain where you’d locked up all your teen angst. 
“Do you know why you’re here?” 
You watched a transparent film slide sideways across Hoseok’s eyes and you realized he blinked with a third eyelid. 
Weird, but kind of hot. Fuck conventional beauty standards! You could dig it.  
“Because a handsome stranger brought me here?” You took a shot in the dark, though Hoseok didn’t appear to have followed you. He stared at you with his third eyelid and his slitted pupils and his sharpened teeth. 
Wow, he had really pointy teeth. 
“You’re here because…” Hoseok drummed his fingers against the surface of his desk. His nails were black and chipped. “You were never reaped.” 
“Reaped? Like, the Grim Reaper?” 
A low hiss came from the back of Hoseok’s throat. The sound made your skin prickle. 
“The Grim Reaper is not real.” His voice slithered out of his mouth at the same time his tongue did. It was red and forked. “You were supposed to be reaped by one of us when you died,” he gestured to himself, “a demon.” 
Well, obviously he was a demon. Or else he had a great sense of fashion. 
You leaned forward to rest your arms on Hoseok’s desk. If he thought his freaky tongue and animalistic eyes were going to scare you, he was terribly wrong. You’d been on Vampirefreaks.com back when it was still a social media platform. 
“Listen, Hoseokie. Can I call you Hoseokie?” Silence. “I don’t know why I’m here and I don’t know how I got here, but I promise you, I am not dead.” 
With a sigh, Hoseok flipped open the laptop on his desk. After a few moments of typing, he slid it toward you, adjusting the screen to make it easier for you to see. 
There was your profile again. Hoseok quickly scrolled down to the section you hadn’t gotten to read earlier, the part about when you’d died. 
“In my records, it states you are dead. As of,” he turned the screen toward himself for a moment, “As of 7 PM yesterday. Yet there is no record of how you died, where you died, nor which demon escorted you here. And no death certificate on file.” 
Clearly, the missing death certificate situation had rubbed the guy the wrong way. 
Maybe you should have felt more concerned that you had a snake-eyed self-proclaimed demon trying to convince you that you were dead and chilling out in Purgatory unchaperoned. But this was all fake, obviously. A dream. There was nothing to worry about. 
“I don’t know what to tell you, Hoseokie.” You gave the man - demon - a shrug. 
Hoseok’s eyebrows pulled toward each other, causing the skin on his forehead to crease. 
“Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter.” 
“Oh really?” 
Hoseok pursed his lips and gave you a curt nod. 
“It already states here that you’ll be going to Hell, so I may as well just reap you myself since no one else has. I need to go downstairs anyway. We’ve been getting a high volume of damned souls recently and working overtime can be sustainable for only so long…” 
Whatever else Hoseok had to say about “demon burnout” during a time when debauchery was at its highest on Earth (“Aside from the 70s, wow, the 70s was a time.”), you didn’t hear the rest of it. There were more important things to worry about. 
You were going to Hell. 
“Wait, wait, wait, Hoseokie, wait a minute.” You curled your fingers around the edge of his laptop screen. “I’m going to Hell? For what?! I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.” 
This was the part where Hoseok was supposed to say, “I know this, and I love you.” 
Except he didn’t! The bastard just let his gorgeous mouth hang open and flicked his freaky forked tongue over those pearly fangs. 
“I beg to differ.” 
“How would you know?” 
A small smirk flitted across Hoseok’s face and you felt your stomach twist into knots. 
“Your memories, your experiences, your life - none of that belongs to you.” 
You couldn’t tell which was more unnerving, the words he said or the dark tone he said them in. With a shiver, you chose to ignore whatever riddle he was speaking to you in and tried to change your strategy. 
“Hoseokie, baby.” You ran your perfectly normal tongue along your lips and leaned even further into your companion’s personal space - as much as you could with a desk in between you. “Let’s not get carried away here.” 
“Proper protocol was not followed, so we must rectify that,” Hoseok huffed. His shoulders sagged slightly, causing him to lean inward. Maybe your cute nickname was finally breaking him. 
“Do we really?” 
“Yes.” 
“But, really? Hoseokie, babe, do I look like I belong in Hell?” 
The demon blinked with his third eyelid a few times. You watched the slit of his pupils flicker as he genuinely took the time to look you over. It was a hypothetical question and now you were scared of the actual answer. He was a demon, after all. He’d know what a damned soul looked like, right? 
“Well.” You watched Hoseok’s throat bob as he swallowed. “You did read a lot of serial killer fanfiction on AO3.” 
You scoffed, leaning back in your chair and crossing your arms against your chest. 
“Are you kink-shaming me right now?” 
Hoseok mirrored your scoff and busied himself with tidying up a stack of loose papers on his desk, but you saw the way his cheeks turned a healthy shade of pink. 
Interesting. 
“So, I’m going to Hell because I read One Direction serial killer AUs? Really? That’s why I’m going to Hell?” 
“No!” Hoseok huffed again, louder this time. He ran his fingers through his hair and gave you a pleading look. “I don’t know! I don’t decide who goes to Hell, I just take them there!” 
“Then don’t take me.” 
It seemed like the obvious solution, but Hoseok looked at you like you’d threatened to kill him. 
“I have to take you.” 
“Oh yeah? Or else what?” You were back to leaning against his desk, your head in your hands and your elbows on the surface. “Satan damns you to some horrible eternal punishment?” 
Hoseok turned his head and mumbled to the side, “Something like that.”
You wanted to ask him what it mattered if he was already a demon working for Satan, but you figured that would push him a bit too far. Instead, you were just going to beg. Considering the circumstances, you allowed yourself to do it without hurting your self-respect. Dire times, dire measures. 
“Hoseokie, please,” you whined with your bottom lip jutted out. You reached out to hook your finger around one of his, pulling his hand away from where it rested against his chin. “Please, don’t take me to Hell. Let me stay here, with you.” 
“With me?” Hoseok’s eyes widened, slitted pupils dilating into ovals. 
“Mhmm, wouldn’t that be nice?” you purred, lightly tracing the lines of his palm with your index finger. “You’re so pretty and you look so stressed. What did you say earlier, about burnout? They aren’t taking care of you here, are they, Hoseokie?” 
The demon bit his lip. His razor-sharp teeth pressed deep indents into what you knew were soft pink lips. 
“I could help you out, Hoseokie, baby.” 
Those dark eyes shimmered red and finally met your gaze, though his face was still flushed and his expression almost… timid. 
“Help me out?” he murmured, almost as though he were talking himself through the conversation rather than asking you a question. 
“Mhmm…” 
You pressed your hands flat against the desk and hoisted yourself on top of it. The stack of papers Hoseok had just fixed went flying. He weakly reached out to stop a few of them from slipping off and floating to the carpeted floor. 
“I don’t know.” Hoseok’s voice wavered, though you had to give him credit for his ability to maintain eye contact with you as you scooted across the desk. 
“I think you do know, Hoseokie.” 
Hoseok shook his head, third eyelids putting in work to blink away the shock when you eased yourself into his lap. 
You’d been so caught up on how tall and menacing he’d looked in the hallway that you hadn’t stopped to consider the rest of his details, like how firm and comfortable his thighs were. You wiggled your ass to get settled, eliciting a low groan from the demon whose red eyes still rounded under your gaze. 
“I’m going to get in trouble,” he pleaded with you when you dug your fingers into his hair and yanked his head backward. “I really don’t want to get in trouble.” 
“And I really don’t want to go to Hell.” You dug your teeth into the soft skin of his throat and Hoseok let out a whimpered hiss. “Do you see our problem here?”
Of course, he could see the problem, but Hoseok was driven mute by your free hand palming his cock through his pants. His hold on your waist was bruisingly tight, but you kept a firm grip on his hair and a hot hand on his crotch. There was no way he was getting an upper hand in this, not that you expected him to. He was whimpering and pliant underneath you already. 
Maybe you were absolutely insane, but if you had to suck some demon dick to get out of Hell, you were going to fucking do it. No matter how weird it probably looked. 
“Y/N, wait.” Hoseok shuddered as you popped open the button of his pants and dragged down the zipper. “Listen to me, it’s not, it’s not a good idea.” 
You let your fingertips dance along the waistband of his underwear. You weren’t sure why it was funny that he was wearing underwear; it just seemed like such a silly thing for a demon to need. Out here reaping souls and getting angry over death certificates, and going to the store to buy underwear after work. 
It was just funny. 
“Why not, Hoseokie? Don’t tell me they don’t let you have a little fun around here.” You batted your eyes at him and slide your hand beneath the fabric. 
“It’s not- fuck.” 
Hoseok tried to lean forward, to curl into himself, when you pressed your thumb against his leaking slit, but you kept his head pulled backward by his hair. 
“Now, I’m gonna tell you what we’re gonna do, okay Hoseokie baby?” 
The demon opened his mouth to speak and you shivered as his forked tongue wet his lips. 
“Okay.” 
“Good little demon, thank you,” you cooed praise that made his face flush an even deeper red. “I’m going to suck your dick and then you’re gonna delete whatever record you have of me and we’re going to forget I was ever even here, alright?” 
When Hoseok didn’t speak, you squeezed the head of his cock. 
“Fuck, yes, yes, yes, alright,” he sputtered. 
“Good.” 
The bright side to all of this was that his dick didn’t look any different from any other dick you’d ever seen, although it did seem a bit long. Which was fine. You had hands, didn’t you? You knew how to do a little two-hand twist when needed. 
Just as you were about to slide off Hoseok’s lap and get on your knees, the door to his office flung open so hard it slammed against the wall. 
“Oh fuck,” Hoseok gulped. He quickly stuffed his cock back inside his pants and zipped his pants up with trembling fingers. 
“Oh fuck is right. What the fuck is going on here?” 
You turned to look over your shoulder at the person who owned such a smooth, sinister voice that dripped enough malice for you to drown in it. You felt your entire body grow cold when you were met with slitted eyes that glowed even more brightly than Hoseok’s. The eyes roamed your face, your body, your position still straddling Hoseok’s lap. And you did the same, your human eyes taking in the man’s black fitted suit, the swell of his thighs beneath the fabric, the pout of his lips, the craters his dimples made in his cheeks as he sucked on his teeth in seething anger. 
“I-I-I-I, Your Majesty,” Hoseok’s tongue fumbled over the words as he tried shoving you off of him. 
Oh shit, was this God? He was way too hot to be God. 
You stood when Hoseok did, the two of you blinking with your eyes wide and mouths hanging open like idiots in front of the sharply dressed man. Just past the doorway, you could see a few other men flanking the entrance, as though they were guarding it. 
“Don’t fucking call me Your Majesty while your cock is twitching in your pants, Hoseok. Have some decency,” the dimpled man chastised with a snort. 
Was God allowed to curse? You supposed he was, but multiple F-bombs and a casual “cock” thrown around seemed like a lot for a guy who was meant to be the holiest of the holy.
“And you.”
You poked your index finger against your chest when the man suddenly loomed over you. 
“Me?”
“You’re supposed to be with me.” 
You rose your eyebrows and shot Hoseok a look, but he had his eyes on the floor. 
“Oh… you’re not God…”
You felt fire lick and burn up your chest and across your throat when the man leaned his head back to bellow a laugh so deep you swore the walls moved just as they had for Hoseok when he walked. 
“Sweet of you to think so highly of the Devil, little human.” 
Aw, fuck. 
You were going to Hell.
“Now, listen, the One Direction serial killer AUs weren’t actually that bad. Like, if you’d just give it a chance, you’d understand,” you began. 
“Reasoning with me is futile, pet.” 
The sound of your teeth clamping shut echoed through the room. You probably should have been scared of how poisonous his tone sounded, but excitement thrummed in your stomach. 
No one had ever called you pet before. It was kind of cute. 
“Now, let’s go, shall we?” 
If Satan had a problem with the way you whimpered when he wrapped a smooth, tan hand around your bicep to haul you out of the room, he didn’t make any indication. If anything, you thought he squeezed you a bit tighter. 
“I didn’t think Satan would be so buff,” you murmured and you heard Hoseok choke. 
You’d all but forgotten about the guy. 
“Oh! Hoseokie!” You twisted your neck around to face him as Satan began leading you away. “Thanks for hanging out! I forgive you for being such a rule follower!” 
You turned up to look at Satan’s face which was a bit hard to do considering he was so tall and all legs and pecs that looked better than any boobs you’d ever seen. It was very distracting. 
“You’re not going to damn him to some horrible eternal punishment, are you?” 
“I think working here is punishment enough, don’t you?”  
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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
all rights reserved © gimmethatagustd on tumblr & ao3
do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my work 
559 notes · View notes
tgcg · 6 months
Note
DAVE WHY THE *FUCK* SHOULD WE TAKE OUR WRIGGLER TO THE PIZZERIA WHERE IF YOU FUCKING *DIE* ITS SAID YOU GO MISSING?
the animatronics are badass
absolute badassery
YOU SAID THAT ONE OF THE ANIMATRONICS FUCKING BIT OFF A HUMANS FRONTAL LOBE!
thats badass
one of them was like
hey free frontal lobe
and bit into that shit like it was a burger
ARE TOU SURE THE ROBOTS WONT FUCKING KILL OUR WRIGGLER?
YOU SAID THAT A FUCK TON OF HUMAN CHILDREN WENT FUCKING *MISSING*!
karkat dont worry freddys my guy
he wont bite
HE BIT SOMEONE IN 1983
no that was fredbear
this is freddy
the faziest fucking bear to ever bear
fazier than fredbear
because hes freddy fazbear
FUCK
lil man needs to meet the badass bear himself
UGH *FINE*.
referring to freddy as the "badass bear" is makin me shit&giggle man this is really funny thank you for this
i go to freddy fabear pizza and im kinda thinking like "man why is this bear kind of chill af with it though"
and he tells me "you know im gangsta badass freddy but i got a soft and sensitive side"
92 notes · View notes
Text
Mammon's Magnificent Reaction pt. 1
did they censor 'fuck'?
nah, I'm sure it was 'cunt' *honking noises*
a clown pageant announcement...
"New talent I'll exploi- uh um wait I mean enjoy!"
what experience did he have for Mammon to say that women aren't funny?
sex robot reference... I'm not weird, you're weird!
Fizzy's young voice is a slightly higher pitch than Pugsley's. He sounds like a ninja turtle.
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Hmmm.....
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Creepy fuck stalker huh
*channel changes*
"So many Fizzy's! And if you wanna fuck him, you can! (dishwasher safe)
So what about the heart symbol on his forehead?
Poor Ozzie, he cares about Fizzy's being so much even when he grimaces making sexy dolls based on his likeness
Man that insecurity and fear of Mammon replacing him is getting to him
"Mammon can eat my ass! In a bad way!"
Ozzie: 🤔
"Is this Fizz's former bestie, then lifelong enemy, then recent hero, now newly rekindled sort of friend, Blitzo?
Blitzo:
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Later, near Mammon Theatre
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Lil' sus babe
Blitzo can see through this shit Mammon's inflicting on Fizz
Mammon might as well drop thousands of dumbells on Fizz. It's equivalent to the pressure he's been creating all those years.
"World's Best Sugar Daddy"
61 notes · View notes
avbeyy · 8 months
Text
Jack of All trades quirk Izuku
But he’s just bullshitting
Analysis? Oh ya super easy always love that
When did he learn to knit? Oh ya know jus quirk things
Wtf where did that robot come from??? Oh nvm Izuku’s quirk helped him
how tf did a child get into the HSPC and find hawks file??? Oh shat it’s his quirk man
That explosion the other day that totes wasn’t just a rigged trap for funnies but actually stopped villains??? Nah bro just a little side effect of izu’s quirk
Oh??? Flawless in many languages???? Just comes so naturally
Can bench press like five ppl??? Workouts, nah! Just have a lil super strength
Omg did he just tone down my quirk how how how how how??????? Oh nvm it wasn’t him disabling me jus his funky lil quirk
Woa bru how’d he just ace that assignment it’s so hard? Oh not studying just intelligence aspects of his quirk lol
Where did this man learn to BUILD, HACK, SEW, FLIP, FALL, PUNCH, MATH, LANGUAGE, HISTORY, SCIENCE, EVERYTHING
He just knows how to do a lil bit of everything and is bullshitting his way into the hero course
Mama Inko is having a heart attack a day
Extra
Denki: hoky shit bro he can totally read minds
Kiri: ikr he destroyed that villain the other day
Bkg, fed tf up: HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE A QUIRK
Iida: wtvr do you mean???
Tsu: ofc he does it’s so cool
Kiri: ya man
Deku, giggling internally: ya ofc I do what do ya mean kacchan?????
57 notes · View notes
etheries1015 · 3 months
Note
If you find the time; how would you describe the TWST guys in less than 5 words, badly.
Example: Cater - Selfie Gemstone
Oooo I like this HAHA I'll try my best but IDK IF I CAN PURPOSEFULLY DO IT B A D because I'm not that creative and funny. But I can for sure give a short lil' thing about each character of kinda how I feel about them.
Heartslabyul
Riddle- Mommy issues. Must protect <3
Cater- Slay girlboss gatekeep
Trey- just some guy
Ace- definition of a "man" (eye roll)
Deuce- sweet baby angel jesus Amen
Savanaclaw
Leona- annoying, but pretty (sorry leona lovers he doesn't do it for me)
Ruggie- real
Jack- Just some guy pt.2
Octavinelle
Azul - Capitalism, but he's cute so it's okay
Jade- Lawful evil (plotting)
Floyd- Chaotic Evil (horrifying)
Scarabia
Kalim- Chaotic good, bbg, classic sunshine
Jamil- Bag of unresolved issues
Pomefiore
Vil- bro i've been sitting here for the past 20 minutes trying to think of something but I really can't. I guess I can put "bag of trauma/unresolved issues pt...2 million" but that just isn't unique LMFAOOO (i love him sm)
Epel- Yeehaw, ur kneecaps r mine (me 2.0)
Rook- If the word "what" was a person (ynow what I mean?)
Ignyhide
Ortho- Sweet little robot angel, chaotic good.
Idia- Discord mod incel (it's a joke), gigabrain (genius)
Diasomnia
Lilia- Silly old man bat child anomaly (all of them simultaneously)
Malleus- Bag of unresolved issues pt.2, autistic (probably)
Silver- Could do no wrong (sweet angel pt.2)
Sebek- If the word "why" was a person (I don't even think I know what I mean by this but it felt fitting)
Let me know if you'd be interested in an actual analysis of how I feel about each character bc these don't do them justice HAHA
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jackfrombaskinrobbins · 11 months
Text
baking contest w/ the avengers!!
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type of writing: headcanons / scenario
word count: 1k
request: yes / no
original request: OMG CAN U PLS DO THE AVENGERS IF THEY HAD LIKE A COOKING OR BAKING CONTEST?
dynamic: avengers x teen!reader (teenage avenger series)
characters: reader, scott lang, nick fury, clint barton, harley keener, peter parker, miles morales, tony stark, pietro maximoff etc
a/n: HECK YEAH I CAN!!!! i loved this idea sm i was so excited to get this request :D i'm getting back into writing so sorry if it's a lil bad lol. also guys i'm gonna open requests again so feel free to submit!! i have a lot of muse for spiderverse stuff atm hehe so i may post again today!! tysm, hope u enjoy!!!
taglist: @shefollowedthestars @thecloudedmind @ayohitmanddaeng
(fill out this form to be on my taglist!)
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so there’s this thing that the avengers do
in order to do team bonding
they’ll assign partners in the beginning of the year
& each month, a new set of partners will choose something to do
and it’s always super fun
like that’s how u ended up at the trampoline park last month
& how scott ended up with a broken arm rip king
so this month had to be something a little less dangerous
kinda funny when u think about it like it’s literally the avengers they’re in dangerous situations all the time
and while you wanted to do something different, certain ~forces~ kept preventing that
like y’all were watching a movie a couple weeks ago
and fury came on the screen 
how he could hack into it idk hes nick fury dude he can do anything
but he just looked at the camera and said “no more dumbass trampoline parks”
HAH
so yeah it had to be something tame 
anyway so this month was you and scott!!!!
best duo ever!!!!!!
so you had to plan what to do
& scott refused to go skydiving bc that was your first choice
smh scott it would be so fun!!!!
his arm was still broken & he said that was why he wouldn’t go but like…. scott we know ur a scaredy-cat
anyway you were trying to decide when suddenly he was like
“y/n!!!! i totally forgot! the great british baking show just premiered and i promised clint we could watch it together!”
and that gave you an idea
scott LOVED it
but y’all needed a couple things before 
first of all, u needed baking supplies
when i say baking supplies i mean BAKING SUPPLIES
there’s like a thousand avengers at this point bruh :’)
scott almost got one of those instacart orders for it but u hated the thought of an instacart person getting ur crazy order
so it was store time :D 
let’s just say tony’s credit card was used very well that day 😛
then it was time to pick teams
not everyone had to participate
wanda said she wanted in
so pietro joined too which was slightly concerning
the man literally burnt a bowl of cereal once
and ur probably thinking “how—”
EXACTLY
only you and harley saw it and honestly it rendered u both speechless
tony joined too
but you and scott made sure he knew that there could be NO robots 
vision asked to be a judge
scott said “vis, we really appreciate that but… uh… don’t you like not eat?”
“ah! you are correct, scott. i do not consume food in the traditional way. however, given my vast knowledge & global database, i do believe that i would be a very good judge of presentation and overall ingredient chemistry.”
“alright, you do that buddy!”
also off topic but why do i just know that tony would give vision the nickname “chat gpt”
 sorry i had to get that out ANYWAYY
you got a few more people to participate 
sam and bucky wanted to be a team, and harley peter & miles wanted to be a team too
yknow what that was fine by you
so the day came.
you had turned one of the empty conference rooms into a crazy kitchen setup
thx party city for the confetti & balloons!!! ;)
in came your loyal hosts, scott & clint
(clint begged you and scott to let him host, he kept using a british accent until you said yes & just trust me it was good that he finally stopped)
you, natasha, and vision were the taste & presentation judges
you surveyed scott’s & your work, pretty proud of how it turned out
“ALRIGHTY THEN, READY, SET, OFF THE BLIMEY!!”
vision shot you a quizzical look, but you just shook your head.
scott & clint rly were a…. hosting duo
yep, the most… hosting duo of all time
the hostiest hosters to ever host
omg the funniest thing was that they kept eating the cookie dough from harley peter & miles’ station
they literally had to push them away
peter & miles webbed their hands shut HAHA
everyone else seemed to be doing pretty well though
aside from their usual arguing, bucky & sam seemed to actually be making something good
wanda was perfect as per usual
and pietro was zipping around the kitchen, causing tony’s flour to rise up in his face
steve came over, blowing a whistle and pointed at pietro
you and scott had enlisted him to be the referee
yes, cooking shows don’t normally have referees, but think abt the ppl we’re dealing with here 😀
anyways finally time was up!!!
but you and scott still had a trick up your sleeves.
“and now presenting our special guest judge… GIVE IT UP FOR NICK FURY!!”
yes that’s right, he had said yes to this
after you promised to finish a mission report for him
and bought him some new eyepatches
which was why he was wearing a navy blue one complete with rhinestones
pietro was up first, and he placed four slices of chocolate cake in front of all the judges.
“i gotta say p, this actually looks really good!” you spoke, and he beamed.
natasha didn’t look so sure
“as y/n says, it does look alright on the outside. however, it does seem like there’s some sort of… strange ingredient in the chemical makeup… i am going to analyze for a moment.” said vision
“aw, let’s just eat the damn thing already!” fury spoke, and so you all did.
“mm, it’s good!!” you said, and natasha nodded in agreement.
but did not have the same reaction. 
he had stopped chewing, and his eye had narrowed. he was giving pietro a death stare.
“uhm… fury? what is … jolly wrong with you?” scott asked, his british accent wavering.
“yeah… guv’nr?” said clint.
“who the hell puts hot sauce in a damn chocolate cake. you better start runnin’ maximoff, because i’m comin’ for you!!” fury spoke, getting progressively louder.
“that one was supposed to be for y/n- i mean vision! yeah! oops. um…” pietro spoke, before disappearing from the room in a quick streak.
after that, fury left. 
and that's why now cooking/baking competitions are banned on the premises of SHIELD!!
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rustic-space-fiddle · 3 months
Note
Why do you want to fight BEN from treasure planet?
Oh boy. LEMME JUST RANT A LIL’—
He’s just rather… abrasive? Granted, Ben in the original Treasure Island was also loud and obnoxious, but I think the difference between them is the tone they both brought to their respective stories. Ben from Treasure Island was funny in that he said outlandish phrases and kept trying to touch people (which I admit I LOVE that they kept about B.E.N.), but his character wasn’t ever explicitly used for comic relief. He was more tragic that comedic, even to the very end of his story. Jim at the end of the book tells that he spent all his money at once and was homeless again in just a few weeks. It’s funny-ish, because you’d think he’d be a bit smarter with his money after being marooned for 3 years, but mostly it’s tragic because he’s still wandering and poor with no one, even though all that treasure was rightfully his.
B.E.N. on the other hand is blatantly used for comic relief, which I really don’t think was necessary. It’s not like the story was exceptionally dark up till then. Captain Amelia’s dry wit, Doppler’s bumbling earnestness, Jim’s teenage sass, Silver’s crude pirate-y commentary, and even Morphy are all plenty of fun! They seamlessly inject comedy into the story without taking you out of it. But when B.E.N. is funny, it’s just “WOOO HE’S CRAAAAAAZYYYYYY” comedy. Granted, a lot of his one-liners are really funny! I quote him often, even though I don’t care for him very much. Nevertheless, some lines just feel out of place in the story, and he acts so much like a person that you wonder why he’s even a robot (he’s robot to explain why he’s still around after 100 years [yes, I get that he’s programmed extremely well. But still!]). For example: “WAS I EVER DANCING WITH A DROID NAMED LUPÉ?!” just SCREAMED out in the middle of the moment when it feels like our heroes are losing. Silver has gone full dark side, showing no mercy; Doppler and Amelia are tied up, apparently hopeless, and Jim is being used as a human GPS, being lead for all the world like a dancing bear (geddit?). If B.E.N. was gonna shout something, it didn’t have to be so uselessly funny. Just him shouting would be inappropriate enough in that moment. But nope, because he’s voiced by Martin Short, Mr. Comedy Man, B.E.N. has to be 80% idiot, 20% accidentally useful. The more accidentally useful a character is, the closer to Jar Jar Binks they are. And I cannot stand Jar Jar Binks.
OPPOSITION: He’s just that stupid because his brain is gone! He’s smart at the end of the movie! — Yes… but he’s still obnoxious. He’s a little better, but talks just a little too long. His “I know you don’t like hugging, but get ready cuz I’m gonna hug ya—“ THAT was actually humorous and kinda sweet. Then when Jim hugs him back, it’s wholesome! But then they have B.E.N. go on to cry (badly) and ask for a tissue—AS JIM IS REALIZING SILVER IS LEAVING. Maybe I’m an idiot, but I thought that exchange was funny and wholesome and I wish B.E.N. had been reeled back a bit in his surprised reaction to getting a hug back. His surprise is warranted, but dang.
That’s all just a very long way of saying that I wish he’d been played a little quieter (still loud, but quieter), and that he’d been more purposefully helpful. Ben from Treasure Island was like a geode. He was crusty on the outside, but showed himself to be actually quite clever (though not financially savvy) and basically secured the treasure all by himself. He just needed a ship and a crew. B.E.N. from Treasure Planet was like a Wish.com quartz crystal. A rather useless fellow dressed up in a shiny comedy crust. “I have to pee!” (A thing robots can’t even do?) —BOOM! Hiding place! “I like this fresh air door I have!” —BOOM! Gateway to the center of the planet. The only time I really like that dynamic is when he’s lamenting that he can’t remember something super important (the booby traps), and then immediately after Jim reinstalls his brain, he’s like “HOLY FRICK THE BOOBY TRAPS—“.
Again, this is all just my opinion! I don’t fully hate him, and he is funny, but I think they over exaggerated him in an attempt to appeal to kids and they just didn’t need to do that! If they’d dialed him back just a tad, I think it would’ve made that last part of the movie feel less like a tonal rollercoaster. What do y’all think?
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