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hangesfavles · 4 months

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Kitties and Compromises

4.3k words. nonbinary hange x fem reader, but readers gender is only mentioned twice.

Summary: Hange really wants a cat, and you don’t. On your way to work one day, you hear a distant meowing in a sewer drain.

No warnings btw! This is sfw and just fluffy <3

a/n!: hi! i don’t usually write fanfics. this is actually my first time seriously sitting down and trying to write a fic, but i was inspired by an experience that happened to me fairly recently!! i’m not sure if i’ll write any more fanfiction, but if y’all like my writing you can send in a request, but i can’t promise it’ll be done quickly 😓 i’ll probably only write wlw, nblw, or nblnb! as for characters, i’d be interested in writing for hange, yelena (from aot), moira o’deorain, junker queen, chloe price, or hazel callahan! also ik not that many people will probably see this, but if you like hange fanfics puh LEASE check out @abbyslev on tumblr and @sweetgirl_r on ao3! bc i love their works and they’ve both indirectly inspired me so much! pls read their work its amazing <3 cross posted on tumblr and ao3, pls don’t steal my writing btw :3

What were the odds of something like this happening to you? Hange simply must’ve been manifesting this into the universe. The day started just like any other, waking up in the morning next to your spouse, Hange. You always wake up before them, reluctant to leave the warm comfort of Hange’s embrace. Even when they’re asleep they find ways to be clingy, whether that be trapping your body against their own as they cage you with their arms or simply latching onto your back and nuzzling your hair, it always makes mornings that much harder. You always admire their sleeping face before leaving your shared bed; Their peaceful expression and lack of their usual eyepatch reminds you how much they trust you. You groggily slip out of their arms, eliciting their normal whimpers and sleepy pleas for you to rejoin them. You kiss their cheek, not even bothering to respond to their words. You know they won’t remember their words or your own regardless. You get yourself dressed in your boring, formal work attire required for your office job. After fixing your hair in the mirror, you head to the bathroom first. You grab your toothbrush from the holder, smiling as you do so. The sight of Hange’s toothbrush next to your own always makes your heart flutter. Despite having lived with them for quite some time, you always fall victim to the butterflies in your stomach when you see your items mixed with their own. Simple things, like their “Best teacher” mug gifted to them by one of their students next to your plastic and faded Hello Kitty cup you’ve had since childhood, or your coat hanging on the same rack as theirs.

Your next stop is the kitchen. You always make lunch for yourself as well as Hange the night before, otherwise they’ll skip lunch entirely or on rare occasion buy fast food. It never bothers you, though. You love being able to do nice things for them. You know they appreciate it, because they send sweet ‘thank you’ messages along with a photo of them eating it every day without fail. Seeing their smile while eating the food you prepared specifically for them makes your effort completely worth it. You grab your food, placing it into your bag.

The third and final place you head towards is the living room. You grab your laptop- previously discarded- from the coffee table and place it in your bag as well. You groan softly with annoyance as you remember how Hange had distracted you last night from finishing a particularly long assignment from your boss. You had been working diligently for a few hours before Hange arrived home, demanding attention from you. You can’t even blame yourself, because how could you say no to your loving spouse’s puppy eyes? Not to mention the fact they had also enticed you by offering to watch a new movie with you until it was time to make dinner. That’s another action that never fails to make your heart beat faster in your chest. They make dinner while you prepare tomorrow’s lunch, always on the counter closest to them. You sigh as you think about the fact you’ll have a little bit of extra work to do while you leave the house and enter your car to drive to work.

Hange loves you. Everything about you, and anything that comes with you. They love your day-to-day routine, never growing bored even when doing monotonous tasks and chores. Things they had hated previously have magically become more interesting, like grocery shopping or doing laundry. But even so, something felt… missing. They were 100% sure this feeling has nothing to do with the love they have for you, or the love you have for them. They undeniably and unconditionally love you, otherwise they wouldn’t have proposed to you. They knew early on into your relationship that they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you by their side. Because of this, they want to have a family with you. Neither of you had been particularly fond of the idea of having children- at least, not yet. Having a child is a lot of work, as well as an incredibly big time and financial commitment. They want a cat. They knew that they wanted a pet cat before they had even moved out of their parents’ house… However, they also knew that you were against the idea. They’ve been begging for the past few months about how badly they want to adopt one, only to be shut down by you, saying how expensive it would be to buy one, as well as the essentials for it: a collar, carrier, grooming supplies, litter box, litter, a scooper, toys, food bowls, food in general, as well as occasional vet visits. Between both of your jobs, you and Hange live comfortably. If the two of you agreed to cut back on recreational spending, they were sure buying a pet was within reason, but they knew you didn’t want to. You enjoyed being able to go on nice dates with them on occasion, to the movies, aquarium, dinner, art museums, and sometimes you even do escape rooms together. They also savor the dates you go on together, but that doesn’t stop them from asking you at least twice a week if you’ve warmed up to the idea of owning a cat. Spoiler alert, you haven’t. So imagine their surprise when they receive a video call from you in the middle of class, revealing you holding a dirty, gray kitten with one hand.

Really, what were the odds of this happening? After getting out of your car when you arrived at the office building, you hear loud, high-pitched cries coming out of a nearby sewer. Your kind heart wouldn’t and couldn’t ignore it. You follow the sound, crouching in front of the drain, that’s when you see it. The tiniest kitten you’ve ever laid eyes on, seemingly trapped at the bottom of a sewer drain. You jog as fast as your heels can take you, alerting your boss about the situation, telling him you’ll clock in as soon as you can help the poor thing. He graciously allows you to do so, a perk of being a dedicated manager. You jog back towards the drain, kneeling down to look at the kitten again. You were sure if you called the cops that they would take hours to show up, if at all. Instead, you search for the phone number of your local fire department.

Saving this goddamn cat was a long process. Who knew removing the cover of a drain would take so long? It had taken over two hours to remove the cover, and then another forty five minutes to lure the kitten close enough for the firefighter to grab. The kitten was left in your care after it was safely removed from the drain. Luckily, it was dry except for its paws. You were considering what you should do at this moment. The kitten doesn’t seem to have a collar, and you can see a few fleas crawling around on its back. You realize that you simply can’t place it on the ground to roam free once more, what if it’s hungry? What if it gets hurt or stuck again? You’re not sure you would be able to sleep at night knowing you abandoned the cat. You figure you should first and foremost take it to the vet to see if it possibly has an owner who microchipped it. Before doing so, you decide to do what any rational person would do, call Hange. You feel bad for bothering Hange when you know that they’re working, but you wanted to tell them what you’ve dealt with for the past three hours.

When Hange feels the vibration of their phone in their pocket, illuminating from your call, they know that they should answer. They hold their phone in their hand before glancing around their classroom, the eyes of their students peering at them curiously. They chuckle nervously. “...Ah, pardon me for a minute! My wife is calling me. Feel free to chatter while I’m away, just be sure to keep it down, okay?” They give the class an awkward thumbs up and a matching smile. They aren’t sure if you’ve ever called them while they were working, and they feel a pang of worry as they step out of their classroom and into the hallway to answer the call.

The look on their face was priceless. Their eye widens a little with confusion, their lips parting as if they wanted to say something, but they clearly have trouble finding the words. You speak before they do, explaining briefly how you heard the kitten crying, the amount of time it took to save the small creature, and how you plan to take it to a vet to see if it has an owner. After you’re finished speaking, Hange is quick to ask you “Can we keep it if it doesn’t have a chip? C’mon, pretty please? This opportunity is perfect! We won’t have to pay hundreds of dollars to adopt one, we just gotta cover the essentials!” They beg you, barely even stopping for breath as they plead quickly. “I don’t know, Han… Let me take it to the vet first. I’ll let you know what happens from there.”

Hange has been on the edge of their seat all day. You’ve been sending them updates, albeit slowly, considering the kitten is being tested for multiple things, like parasites, ear and eye infections, and other long term health conditions like feline leukemia. What they know so far is that the kitten is- according to the vet- probably a girl, not microchipped, and the poor thing is infested with fleas. You had mentioned to Hange that the vet said it’s a little bit early to tell if she’s really a girl, but that she currently looks like one. Hange has never been so attached to their phone at work before. They can’t help but glance at it between sentences, hoping to see their screen lit up by a message from you.

Today has been tiring, despite not even truly having gone into work. You’re stressed, nervous, and worst of all, bored. Your boredom doesn’t help your running thoughts. Instagram can only distract your brain so much when all you can think about is this kitten you’ve unwillingly bonded with. The longer you sit in the waiting room, the more you realize how worried you really are about being able to keep the kitten, despite your initial reservations about keeping a stray animal. She was just that cute. Throughout the whole car ride to the vet, she sat in your lap obediently, even curling up into a ball and purring. Not once did she cry or try to escape your lap. She had only started crying once you left her alone with the vet, and that broke your heart more than you’re willing to admit. You already feel like you have a bond with her, and it would be devastating if she happened to be sick or injured. What you’re waiting for right now is for her to use the bathroom. Number two is preferable, but they would work with number one if that’s all she could do. You silently thank yourself for stopping by a grocery store to get her some canned cat food, which she had eaten in the car on the way here. After waiting in the vet for a whopping 4 more hours, they had concluded all of the proper tests. The vet calls you back into the exam room, ready to talk about the results. Apparently, she ended up doing number 2 when she was left alone in a kennel. “Hello Mrs. Zoe!” He says with a friendly smile. “So, I’ll start with the bad news. Our little friend here has plenty of fleas, which I’m sure you saw already, and after running tests on her stool, I found that she does indeed have a parasite.” After hearing his words, you feel your nervousness festering more than ever. You nod at his words, urging him to continue. “But, there’s plenty of good news. The parasite is nothing life-threatening. She just needs to be medicated every day for a week. Other than that, she is entirely healthy. Do you plan on keeping her?” You think about your answer for a moment, but inside, you knew your mind was already made up. You had plenty of time to think about it in the waiting room, and you can’t deny the fact you’re already smitten with the small animal. You nod at him, a small smile appearing on your face as well. “Well, that’s great! You’ll have to come back tomorrow or the day after to pick up her medicine. We’ll give you a call when it’s ready to be picked up.” He flashes you another award-winning smile before leaving the room to retrieve the kitten. “Congratulations, she’s very well behaved.” He comments as he hands her back to you carefully. “Thank you, doctor. My spouse is going to be absolutely over the moon.” You giggle softly as you hold her once more and leave the office. You hold the kitten in one hand, and reach into your pocket to check the time on your phone. By now, it was almost time for Hange to get off of work. You sit in the car, the kitten once more making herself comfortable on your lap. You try not to think about her fleas as you take a moment to video call Hange once more.

Hange had just finished their last class of the day when you called. They were sitting at their desk, grading some old assignments before they officially left school. This was typical for them, because they absolutely hated dealing with the traffic caused by all of the other teachers, as well as students and school buses leaving the area at once. They see your call and immediately answer with a huge, dopey smile on their face. “Hi, love!” They exclaim, evidently excited for whatever updates you’re going to give them. When the video loads, they aren’t met with your dazzling beauty, but another small, adorable face. You can’t help but giggle as you look down at your phone, the angle making the kitten look funny. She paws the screen in front of her. “D'aww!! She’s so cuteee!” Hange squeals with excitement at the view. You giggle lightheartedly at Hange’s childish excitement. Their enthusiasm for the world around them was something that drew you in immediately about them, and it is still a trait that you adore. “Isn’t she? She’s so sweet and well behaved.” You move the phone away from the kitty, instead showing Hange your face. “Has she melted your cold heart already?” They tease with a soft chuckle. “Oh, shut up Hange!” You giggle at their joke anyways. “I’m just teasing, love. Soooo… Is she ours? Is she healthy?” They ask excitedly, but they already assume that the answer is yes, considering how happy you seem to be. “I just got done speaking with the vet, apparently she has a parasite.” You notice Hange’s lips part into an ‘o’ shape as you say this. You can also notice the concern morphing its way into their features. “But he said that after being medicated for… like… a week or so, she should be perfectly fine.” Hange’s earlier excitement makes a comeback, the worry melting off their features as they squeal a bit. “C’mon, we have to keep her!” They whine and plead. “You love her already, it’s obvious. Stop avoiding the question.” A pout forms on Hange’s lips as they try to convince you for the umpteenth time to have a pet. You sigh softly at their cute expression, giggling breathily at their antics. “I do love her. And you’re right, this is a perfect chance for us to have a pet since we didn’t have to buy her. I guess love is about compromise, or whatever… And since I know how much you’ve always wanted a cat, we can keep her.”

Hange had rushed home in record speed. It’s shocking that they got home in one piece without any tickets or crashes. You were right in the assumption that they would be over the moon about this perfect coincidence, Hange wanted to meet her more than anything. You have been home for a bit by the time Hange arrives at your shared home. They practically launch through the door, before realizing their excitement might startle the kitten. When you hear the door opening, you greet them at the door with your arms open wide. They quickly rush into your embrace, lifting you up and enthusiastically shaking you around. They place a chaste kiss on your lips before putting you on the floor once more. “Not that I’m not excited to see you, but where is she?” They ask with childlike excitement. They’re practically bouncing off the walls. As if on cue, a high pitched cry emits from the bathroom. “I have her in the bathroom right now and I put a blanket in there with her. We’re-” Your sentence is cut off by Hange making their way to the bathroom, carefully opening the door. You smile at their excitement, following after them. “Make sure she doesn’t get out. We’re gonna need to give her a flea bath before she can leave the bathroom.” Hange mumbles out a ‘mhm’ before kneeling beside the bathtub. The kitten is looking up at them with big doe eyes. Hange is doing all they can not to squeal and shout from how utterly adorable she is. You decide to take a seat on top of the closed toilet, simply content to see your partner so lively. Hange carefully outstretches their hand to the animal, who seems to back away the tiniest bit. “Heeeeyyyyyyy baby…” They whisper quietly. “Pspspsp…” The kitten sniffs Hange’s finger skeptically, but doesn’t react otherwise. They take this as a sign that it’s okay to pet her. Two of their lithe fingers scratch at the top of the kitten's head, much to her content. Hange mumbles sweet, hushed words to the animal that you can’t really hear. The world around you seems to grow blurry, as you tune out everything else that isn’t your partner and your newfound pet. There wasn’t anything else worth caring about at the moment. The tenderness Hange displays, a stark contrast from their typical erraticism, has your heart thumping in your chest. Hange has always been equally caring as they are observant. While Hange will probably always be excitable, they’re very aware of other’s emotions. They know when someone is overwhelmed or tired, or maybe shy and nervous, meaning they always know when they should turn it down a notch. Quiet moments with them were always your favorite moments. Moments where you two could simply be, without the need for conversation or action. Moments like this morning, where you can stare at their tired face without any ounce of uncomfort. Hange scoops up the kitten into their arms, holding her near their chest, seemingly unbothered by the fleas littering her body. They look up at you, smiling with their teeth and giggling. Their eyes are squinted shut by how much they’re smiling. Even as you’re lost in thought, not fully aware, you smile back at them unconsciously because it’s second nature. You snap out of your trance when you see a flea jump off of her body. “Yuck.” You say, squishing the bug with your shoe and picking it up with a piece of toilet paper. “I picked up some flea shampoo when I went to get her something to eat.” You say, holding up a purple bottle. “She won’t like this, but put her in the sink.”

The two of you have spent the better part of an hour picking the rest of the bugs out of the kitten's fur. The flea bath helped substantially, but there were still some that crawled around. Neither of you have spotted bugs for a few minutes, so you retire from your task, wrapping the small animal in a towel as Hange holds her, trying to transfer their own warmth to her. “She’s such a sweetie.” They coo softly, bouncing the kitty as if she’s a small child. “We should feed her soon. Did you get anything else from the pet store?” They ask, tilting their head at you as they ask. “No, she got really antsy when she was alone for too long, so I tried to run in and out as fast as possible. We’re gonna have to go back.” “Oh, but we can’t leave her to go out, what if she thinks we abandoned her!?” They ask you with puppy eyes. “We can’t take her out, she could still have fleas. I can ask someone to watch her while we go out.” You say, pulling out your phone to text one of your and Hange’s shared friends.

Levi and Erwin step into your home, the former appearing to be intensely displeased. “I can’t believe you’re making me do this on a weekday.” Levi grumbles, while Erwin smiles politely at you and Hange. “He’s being dramatic, it’s no trouble. You two will only be gone for an hour before we head home again.” Erwin chuckles, walking to the living room, where the now dried kitten sits on the couch. She runs and hides at the sight of so many people. “Thank you guys for doing this, I know it’s last minute.” You chuckle nervously at Levi’s obvious irritation. “We didn’t exactly have the luxury to give you notice, Shorty.” Hange teases, grinning as Levi rolls his eyes. “Whatever, three eyes. Get going so we can get home already.” Hange pouts, not only from the nickname, but also at the fact they’re being rushed out of their own home. You try not to burst out laughing at the nickname. “Three eyes is diabolical.” You choke out, opting to take their hand and head out, hopefully so Hange doesn’t feel embarrassed. “We’ll be back soon, thank you again!” You wave, before hopping in the car with a pouting Hange to get supplies for your currently unnamed pet.

Who knew shopping with Hange would take so long? You knew, actually. You were vaguely aware of the fact that Hange’s erraticism isn’t the best trait when trying to go shopping quickly. You’ve only been shopping with them a few times, and after an hour of bouncing around the store, it becomes a little bit tiring. This doesn’t even account for the many different random items they tend to pick up and insist they need. A similar thing happens when you attempt to shop for your cat. You asked Hange to find a decently sized litter box, and they come back to beg you for toys they think look funny, a bed shaped like a ramen cup, a hat for the kitten, and a matching onesie for her. You have to refrain from twitching your eye as they entirely forgot to get the litter box you tasked them to find. You end up putting the toys, bed, and hat in the basket, since you planned on buying her these things anyway. “Han... My beloved... You forgot the litter box.” You watch as they chuckle nervously, rubbing the back of their neck. “Right... Be right back.” They turn away, determined to get the litter box, (and only the litter box,) while you decide between two bundles of kitten food.

Hange finds you once more, looping their arms around your waist. You’re momentarily shocked, but you quickly recognize the scent of them surrounding you. They place their head on your shoulder, proud of the fact they managed not to pick up anything except the litter box. They poke your cheek, giving you a grin. When you turn your head towards them, they tap their finger against their cheek, silently asking to be rewarded for completing the task you gave them. You roll your eyes playfully and give them a soft peck.

You return home after an hour and a half, being slightly delayed by Hange’s typical short and ever-changing attention span. Erwin helps you and Hange bring in the bags of cat necessities. You and Hange tiredly plop down on your couch once you’ve finished, feeling tired from all the events of the day. Levi sighs from beside you. You and Hange look at him, seeing the cat curled up and sleeping on his lap. “This damn cat wouldn't leave me alone. Always craving attention, like it can't survive without constant petting. Needy little furball.” He grumbles. Despite his attitude, he still allows her to sleep in his lap, which you and Hange are both grateful for. He carefully picks her up, shifting her into Hange’s lap instead. They both try their best to ensure she isn’t disturbed by the transfer. You stand up as Levi does, seeing the couple out. “Thank you both again for doing this. We’ll see you guys on Sunday for dinner. It’s our turn to cook this week!” You giggle. Erwin pats your shoulder in a dad-like fashion. “Don’t mention it. Levi was loving the attention she gave him. See you Sunday.” He smiles. To this, Levi rolls his eyes, elbowing his lover lightly as you see them out.

Once again, you plop on the couch beside your own lover. They look at you with worry. “What are we going to do with her? She’s gonna be so scared if we leave her at home, all alone...” You raise your eyebrow, wondering where this conversation is leading. “I’m sure she’ll get used to it. It’s impossible for us to have someone watch her every day while we’re at work.” In response to your words, they cover the kitten's ears. “You’re evil! How could you talk about our daughter that way?” They pout, giving you puppy eyes. You laugh, rolling your eyes playfully at their joke. “You know...” They start. You look at them tiredly, knowing you probably won't like whatever comes next. “We could always get another to keep her company.”

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pearlcigs · 6 months

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⋆ mutuals

idea credit @valsthea

what color and song i associate with each of my moots + cute little messages (pls lmk if you want me to delete you off this list for any reason)

dm me if you wanna know why i associate you with your color and / or song ! :)) most songs only have 1 or 2 specific lyrics that i associate with a moot or just the melody but its okay

i only included moots from this acc incase the moots from @poionsedprose want nothing to do with me LMAO i didn't realize i had so many mutuals

ALPHABETICAL ORDER

𝐉𝐎 ( @abbysribbon ) : we've only just become moots but your art is so incredible ??!?! like you draw the characters so perfectly ?!?! im obsessed with your art !??!? i can't wait to get to know you more !!

𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 ( @ali3n00 ) : i guess i have to include you on this list ...

𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 ( @baumbii ) : we haven't really talked much but you seem so nice and cool ! your blog is so cute and you are also so gorg omg , your writing is also literally so good i love it sm , esppp your ellie fic ! wish we could talk more !!

𝐋𝐎𝐋𝐀 ( @coqvttes ) : i loveeee everything that you write sm and your blog aesthetic is acc so pretty ! i really really hope that you're doing better now , i'm so sorry that men are so gross to you , im so glad we're moots , we should def talk more !!

𝐌𝐀𝐗𝐈𝐍𝐄 ( @dizzyntrr ) : max my loveee, i love when your posts pop up on my dash, esp your mood boards !! your themes always eat, i love coming onto tumblr after waking up and seeing if you changed it yet :3 i also love your writing smm, i always reread your works

𝐄𝐃𝐄𝐍 ( @edensdahlia ) : love love love your account theme and your writing, your fics are so comfy like their vibe is just so good ! i love that you include both male reader and a female reader as a genderfluid fanfic consumer :))

𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐔𝐑 ( @fawnpires ) : first of all im so obsessed with your user, literal username genius, second i loveee your aesthetic it's so cool?? and also your writing oh my goddd , guilty pleasure fr ! i wish we talked more but you intimidate me (bc you're so cool)

𝐇𝐀𝐙𝐄𝐋 ( @fxllfaiiry ) : you were one of my first mutuals and i was so excited when you followed me back bc your writing is so good?!? we haven't really talked much but trust your blog means a lot to me + your themes always eat !

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐒 ( @heartmorgue ) : your reblogs are always so real , i have to fight the urge to reblog everything that you reblog LOL you seem so fun to just hang out to do nothing (does that make sense ???) like just watch a movie in silence or smth if yk?

𝐌𝐈𝐙 ( @hermizery ) : your blog theme is so cool / navigation , it's one of the reasons i followed you in the first place ! i love your leon fic sm you should def write more if you want to obvi but you're gen so talented

𝐋𝐔𝐍𝐀 ( @killuintense ) : i don't interact with a lot of your posts cause most of them are nsfw but i love your sfw work ! also your blog theme is super cool i love it , i love ada >.<

𝐊𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐕𝐑 ( @konigsluvr ) : you write konig so well ! your headcanons are always fun to read and i hope you post more in the future !! i like seeing your reblogs pop up on my dash cause some of your responses are so out of pocket they make me laugh

𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 ( @kxjbr ) : i wish we interacted more ! i loved the comments you would always leave on my tatta fics , they would always make me smile and it was one of the reasons why i kept witting for alice in borderland for so long :)) also i love your fics you deserve way more recognition

𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀 ( @leemonsblog ) : maliaaa we don't really talk anymore but i cherish every one of the conversations we had , i love talking to you and although you don't know it , you helped me through some tough times and i appreciate you sm for that + your fics were peak and i love them sm still , i miss you 'n i hope you're doing well ml !!

𝐒𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒 ( @lovers-rck ) : we're fairly new to being mutuals but i love your content sm ! your art is so good first of all , and second of all , your fics are so entertaining ! i can't wait to get to know you more !

𝐃𝐄𝐕 ( @loveheartarthur ) : im so fr you and your blog alone have convinced me to watch rdr , its on my list of games to watch :3 your blog is so pleasing to look at and i love the farmer's daughter aesthetic !! i wish we could talk more , you seem so cool

𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐍𝐍 ( @meravalemoi ) : i love your reblogs ! sometimes i'll just scroll through your blog at the end of the day when im super sleepy and just see what funny posts you reblogged :)

𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐈 ( @nadiasgf ) : we haven't really talked much but im glad we've had the few convos that we've had bc you're so easy to talk to (im just socially awkward) i'm so glad we became moots !!

𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐋 ( @naivegh0ul ) : your ghosts fic feed me like im starving victorian child , everything you write absolutely slaps and i love reading it i would read your fics / blurbs all day if i could !

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐒 ( @ouchvns ) : venus ml , you are such a big inspiration for me and i remember following you and being totally shocked when you followed me back , i thought you were so cool (still do) and im so glad that we're moots !! :3 you're so talented and i love talking to you + themes always devour

𝐑𝐈��𝐄𝐘𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐕𝐑 ( @rileysluvr ) : reading your fics n' stuff is like a little treat for me , i will read everything you write and lowkey your stuff's got me kicking my feet and giggling while i read it

𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐍 ( @saintlulls ) : your cod ficsss bro , literally one of the reasons i decided to start writing for cod characters ! you're so talented and i wish nothing but the best for you , would love to interact more with you :)

𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐀 ( @solutopia ) : i love the fact that we both have guts series (obvi on my other acc) and though i have absolutely no clue who the character you write for is, your writing is so good so it doesn't even matter

𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐄 ( @spiderst4rgirl ) : first of all you're genuinely so pretty likeee , second you seem so chill to talk to , i feel like we could have like a good movie marathon if yk what i mean

𝐑𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍 ( @starryririn ) : i love reading your poems !! you're such a talented poet i really enjoying reading them :)) im so thankful that you included me on your fic recs , it really means a lot and im glad that we're moots !

𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐁𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐌 ( @the-verbatim ) : i love talking about cod characters with you and listening to you ramble about your hcs n' stuff , it makes me so happy to read :)) i can't wait to talk to you more !!

#🏷️ ⋆ mutuals #🧺 ⋆ to the moon and to saturn

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shadecrux · 1 year

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Bad Day (Bucky Barnes x Reader -drabble)

----------------˚ * •̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙* ˚＊------💜 💚 💜------＊* •̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙ * ˚----------------

°•★Pairing: Bucky Barnes / Reader °•★Rating: SFW

°•★Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Established Romantic Relationship, Pet Names, Doll, But Otherwise Gender Neutral Reader °•★ Words: 669 (nice!) °•★ Notes: Hey all, so this is the first fic I’ve ever published on tumblr, pls be nice! I finished up my own bad day today and sort of, ended up writing this drabble as a way to get out those feelings. This is the first time I’ve written as Bucky, so I hope I’ve done him justice!! Despite the use of pet names I tried to leave out physical descriptions of the reader as much as possible so anyone can envision themselves in that role. If anyone has any notes for how to do it better I am definitely open to that! ~All writing unless otherwise noted is my own. Please do not post or reupload my work to other websites without my express consent. I do not consent for my fics to be used in AI creations. I do not own any of the characters featured in my works unless they are stated to be OCs.~ All of my fanworks are intended for adults aged 18 and up only! Minors please DNI. ----------------˚ * •̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙* ˚＊------💜 💚 💜------＊* •̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙ * ˚----------------

You were curled up on the couch when he got home, eyes glistening with tears too stubborn to fall, hugging your knees to your chest. It had just been such a bad day. It seemed as though nothing was going right, and by the end of it, everything hurt.

Bucky walked through the door and saw you, immediately dropping the bags he had been holding and rushing over to sit beside you and pull you into his arms.

"What happened doll, what's wrong?

"You shake your head, turning your body to curl against him, burying your face in his shoulder.

"Can't..."

"Hey, hey it's okay. You don't need'ta talk about it right now if it's too much ok? Just hang on to me, I've got you."

You nod and wrap your arms around him, sliding yourself closer to him until you're halfway in his lap. Bucky simply hums and squeezes you more tightly, his arms around you strong and steady and solid, an anchor to hold you there with him.

Finally, finally, the tears come, and your body is wracked with sobs as he soothes you, gently stroking your hair, and pressing his lips to the crown of your head.

"Shh, shh... it's alright. That's it... let it out." He whispered, his breath warm against your skin.

He didn't really speak, just murmured soft, soothing sounds into your ear, rocking with you on the couch until tears stained his shirt , until you began to still against his and he could feel the tension draining out of your shoulders. His hands gently slid up and down your back, kneading your muscles, grounding you until he finally heard you sigh, and you lifted your head to look at him.

Seeing the large wet patch on his shirt your face twisted into a frown, and you look up at him apologetically.

"Bucky, I'm so sorry, your shirt..."

"Don't you worry about that sweetheart. It's just a little wet."

He reached up to cup your cheek in his hand, lifting your chin slightly until you were looking at him, his bright blue eyes piercing as they gazed into yours.

"How are you feeling now?"

"A little better..."

"Well, that's a start." he leaned forward to press his forehead against yours, pausing a moment before his voice took on a lighter, more teasing tone. "But I'm not exactly satisfied with that answer. I think we're gonna need to do a little bit better."

"Oh really?" you asked, the barest hint of a grin tugging at your lips.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Well, for starters..."His breath fanned your face as he tilted his head, kissing you sweetly, his lips impossibly soft as they connected with yours. Bucky kissed you slowly, hand gently cupping the base of your neck, holding without forcing. Your lips moved against his, and by the time you pulled back for air you were dizzy and lightheaded, and what's more... you were smiling.

"How about now?" he asked with a lazy grin and just a hint of smugness in his voice.

"Definitely better." You laughed.

"And how about after a bath, dinner, and a movie? I'll cook tonight." He gently nudged his head against yours.

"Right now? That sounds like a perfect night." You replied, and he didn't waste another moment, scooping you up into his arms and standing to carry you through the apartment toward the bath.

There would be plenty of time later to talk about the things that had gone wrong if you wanted to. For now, Bucky's only concern was making sure you were okay - he would take care of you, and give you the space to relax and recover

. By the end of the night, the two of you would be cuddled up on the couch, doubled over with laughter at some dumb movie, the hurts of the day slowly fading into the past.

By the end of the night, when you were laying down beside him to sleep, you would still be smiling.

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x reader fanfic #fluff #drabble #sebastian stan #gender neutral reader #he does call them doll once though #shades fics

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arabaka · 2 years

Text

━━━★ ALL WORK AND NO PLAY...

:*ੈ♡‧₊˚:･reigen arataka x fem!reader

【 cw 】 18+, edging, toy use (on you), overstimulation (you), reigen already came in his pants, unprotected sex, creampie 【 wc 】 1.3k

｡･:*:･ﾟ★ umm hi first fic here !! been writing for myself for a long ass time and got the bug to post >w> pls be nice. or don't and keep it to yourself >__0 i originally wrote this using she/her pronouns from the 3rd perspective but changed it to 2nd person since that's more common on tumblr eek so some stuff may be unedited lol

"I know sweetheart, but you gotta endure." His soothing words might have meant something if he was even looking at you but he couldn't be bothered to give your writing form a passing glance while typing away on his computer.

Biting your lip, you spasm and jerk on your spot on the freezing, long safe by his desk. You're folded over your knees with your ass in the air, face craned and your eyes dead set on Reigen. A trembling hand balled up in a fist tries to reach over to him for aid but finds none when he chooses instead to continue to edit a ghost out of yet another swindled client's photo."R-Reigen, p-please…" Your meek whimpers seemingly go unnoticed, his cold shoulder only making the relentless tingle on your clit more intoxicating. The chilled air nips at your most intimate parts, your folds shivering under a building film of your own juices.

It’s only when you manage a grasp on the corner of his suit’s sleeve does he pay you a sliver of his attention. His eyes don’t linger on you for long as his hand hovers away from his mouse, taking up an inconspicuous pink remote and casually pressing down on one of its buttons. Instantaneously, you cry out, your voice soon giving way to the much louder buzzing resonating from the toy between your thighs. Your overworked bud convulses under the vibrations but your whimpers go unanswered. At every rumble, your clit cries for relief but the vibrator continues to rub your bud raw. When you open your mouth, attempts at his name drown in drool as your hole flutters, desperate for something more than the tail end of the vibrator currently nestled inside you.

“Need you Reigen… P-Please.” You plead in-between your panting, the searing hot coil in the pit of your stomach threatening to come undone any moment now. You're soaking wet at this point, overflowing into a nice little puddle on safe's silver surface. It's almost too much, your face building a thin film of sweat from the overwhelming tsunami waves of pleasure. He catches the glimmer of your slick from the corner of his eye, his chest tightening with his breath caught in his throat. His finger trembling over the mouse scroll button, he tries to resume his work but when the shaky whisper of his name, Arataka, dreamily floats off your tongue he has to heed your siren call.

Curling and tucking a finger just under your chin, raising your head, he gives you a once over. Glossed over eyes looking into his, your jaw slacks with ecstasy and he knows you're just inches away from reaching Heaven and he’s going to take you there.

"C'mere." Reigen gently orders, giving a quick peck to your parted lips and he feels a throbbing twitch in his slacks when he watches you crawl over to him. Situating you on his lap, it's not long before your juices start to leak onto his slacks but they were already dirtied; he'd come once just from withholding your own orgasm. Leaning you against his desk, his aching member comes to throb just from the rub of your sweet cunt on his pelvis. “Let’s take care of this first, hm?” You can’t nod fast enough, taking your bottom lip between your teeth as the vibrator is removed, first from your clit and then from inside you. He moves so slowly, you would never know he’s been dying to plunge deep inside you from the get go.

You're impatient and so is he but Reigen is going as fast as he can, hastily unbuckling his belt and popping loose the button of his slacks. He swears he sees hearts in your eyes when his cock springs forth, still damp from his own cum, and he visibly shudders when the fresh air hits his skin. “Ready?”

Now’s his favorite part– watching your pussy sink down his fat girth, never once struggling even as he spreads you out. The burn is familiar, nice even, and he fills you up better than any toy ever could. “Never gets old.” Reigen grumbles to himself, hissing as the walls of your cunt cling to him, its ridges massaging his foreskin with relish. Your eyelids are heavy with euphoria and your lips are pressed together tight but a moan pops them open as the engorged tip of his penis runs against your cervix with ease. He’s decided the wait has been too much and he starts to thrust into you, first slowly and with the low tilt of his hips but it’s too intoxicating for him to keep going at that speed. He needs more and he needs it now.

And besides, he's earned it hasn't he? He's waited long enough for you, for you to decide that the edging had run it's course. He knew it would be hell, watching you wriggle and squirm but it's what you wanted. He thought you were kind of mean for this. But you'd make it up to him. You always did.

Smacking your ass, Reigen digs his fingernails into your plush seat, anchoring you to him as he bucks wildly into your sopping wet heat. You have no choice but to squirm and lurch forward, pressing your body flush against his while your babbling moans tickle the shell of his ear. You bury your head in the crook of his neck, nipping at what little skin you could get to. He huffs hot exhales along the back of your neck, treating himself to the tantalizing view of your jiggling backside. “God, you’re so good.” His words ride shockwaves down your spine as you continue to feel the full force of his thrusts all the way to your core.

Shutting his eyes tight, Reigen can feel his orgasm building up at the base of his shaft. He can feel you coming undone as well, your delectable cunt squeezing tighter with every movement. All the edging has made you sensitive, your walls clinging to him like a vice and spasming as he hits your cervix over and over and over again. You're drunk, sloppy and desperate, on his cock; he thinks you look like a dream. He wishes he had his phone at hand to take a picture.

“R-Reigen…” Managing the strength, you pull away from his neck and stare at him through half-lidded eyes. “P-Please. Cum inside me.”

It doesn’t matter that he’s heard those words countless times before. They light a fire in him all the same, his heartbeat thunderously shooting up as he jerks haphazardly into you. Wetting his thumb with spit, he swipes circles around your puffy clit, immediately seeing the effects with the convulsion of your hips. A hand comes to cup your chin, the pads of his digits pressing deep against your cheeks until your lips jut out in a pucker. You look so good, all fucked out and ready to burst, he thinks to himself as he captures your lips in a fiery hot kiss, ravishing your mouth with his tongue. He swallows all your moans, every squeak of his name until the only thing you can manage to say is “I’m cumming, I’m cumming!”

His balls tighten and his cock swells, forcing loaded strings of his cum deep inside you while continuing to lap up every noise you give him. Tasty. Pulling away, he sets his sights where your hips meet. He’s mesmerized, watching strands of cum break and settle in a pool on his pelvis. You love how clearly you can see him drink up your joined bodies and you giggle, albeit breathlessly, and then murmur against his lips in a sweet kiss, “Thanks for indulging me. Felt good, right?”

He's spent. “Yeah, but that was torture. Having to pretend to ignore you took a lot out of me, you know that?” Still inside you, his cock bobs and it won’t be long before the blood rushes to his member once more. “Can we go again?”

#FINAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #reigen x reader #reigen arataka #reigen x you #reigen arataka x reader #reigen arataka x you #reigen #mp reigen #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #mob psycho 100 x reader #mob psycho x reader #x reader #reader insert #female reader #.˚�� ੈ ʚ 🍰 ɞ ₊˚. ꒰ a little treat for reigen. ꒱

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fumifooms · 2 months

Note

do you have any character analysis posts you're working on? i'm currently mulling Daya/Dia over in my head right now. In general, I'm thinking a lot about Kabru's team because they don't show up much in the manga and won't be in the show much longer as noticeable players, but have quite a bit of outside-the-manga content to comb through. Personally, I like the idea of Rin and Dia becoming friends with Marcille post-canon, but I want to know them better first. I know Rin pretty well already. 1/2

(for example, Rin/Dia/Marcille seem to like clothes, and i want to draw them clothes shopping.) And I ask this not to put all the work on you! I want to discuss these characters with somebody, and you're one of the only ones I can think of who enjoys doing in-depth dives into the side characters of Dungeon Meshi. You, summerboletes, shisurus, and ambrosiagourmet are some other blogs i can think of that made great meta posts. You can reply to this privately if you want! 2/2 (think about it. daya has a boyfriend and marries him post-canon. marcille loves romance and loves clothes. it'd be adorable if she helped daya find a wedding dress. like kabru introduces them and dia (god i'm so used to writing 'daya') mentions her wedding and marcille immediately pounces on her with eyes sparkling in excitement. i plan to write this fic one day)

This idea is so cute! I’ll also check out those other blogs you mentioned when I have the time to hehe~ I do latch onto minor characters easily but it doesn’t mean I have much to say about everyone. Dia (agreed btw, the situation with Daya vs Dia is confusing)… I do like her, but I feel like her Adventurer’s Bible profile sums it all up quite nicely and straightforwardly honestly. You’re right though her reaction to the treasure bugs was so cute and honestly surprising considering her appearance and demeanor, she does like pretty things and jewelry I could def see her going shopping. More content of her would definitely be fun, I’d read your fic!! I do love imagining how everyone’s relationships are like in Kabru’s party, the intricacies of it… I haven’t mulled it over enough though. I’ve been thinking of Mickbell more because of recent posts though, also Rin… If you’d like, the dunmeshi discord I’m in would be a good place to brainstorm about it I think! Hmu for an invite if you want

Summing up the posts I’m working on was long so here’s a cut out of mercy

I have 78 drafts on tumblr currently oh boy… The thing about my process is that I ramble easily but then I need to compile panels to illustrate the points and that’s real tedious… Character analysis wise - I’m most hyped about a Falin one on the topic of if she’s a people pleaser, how much does she care, what’s her way of thinking etc etc, also her differences with Laios because I hate seeing people seriously say they’re the same person. - Also a Cithis one that I just need to streamline at this point. I want to analyze her demeanor, poke at her psychology and analyze her relationships, she’s fascinating. - Oh I’m so stupid I almost forgot to mention the one I’ve been working on currently about Thistle, the age shenanigans but in an in-world way where yes it’s wonky and it means something. He hauntssss me I have so many thoughts on Thistle & Falin lately. Like, offtopic for the analysis but… Falin loves nature and Thistle is named after a flower… Imagine her post-canon coming across wild thistles and feeling a rush of fondness and she doesn’t know why… Thistles have thorns but they taste sweet… Peel of his thorns and eat him pls.

I have more Chilchuck & family thoughts coming, and more Toshiro & family, but these will have more of a casual brainstorm & speculating tone to them, I also just need to streamline these… Like I am obsessed about Toshiyuki and Chilchuck’s alcoholism I’m sorry

Beyond those the topics of the character analysis become more specific, like - How much social awareness does Laios have? Not none, not a lot, but the specifics can be blurry in ways I think are interesting, he was sensitive to people’s judgements in his hometown after all, and he does worry about others’ perception of him… He does know that buzzcut guy was taking advantage of him, etc etc. - There’s an extensive one I want to make on how the winged lion reflects abusive relationships, like how he targets all his ‘meals’'s specific weaknesses and draws out the worst in each of them. A lot of Dunmeshi is about unity and overcoming prejudices & differences & flaws and forming deep and long-lasting bonds despite it all, and amongst all of it it’s like… How flawed relationships with flawed people can still be made into somehing good and healthy that make the world brighter… Except the winged lion there to represent abusive relationships which you need to fucking DITCH, lol. - And on the topic of Dunmeshi & relationships I want to talk about it and queerness, especially in the queerplatonic sense of blurring lines, and Izutsumi + Laios’ relationship to touch should feature in those.

And my crown jewel but I’m soooo hyped about the Marcille & Chilchuck’s arcs one I’m working on it’s gonna go over so much stuff I’m obsessed about, like the importance of books in Marcille’s life, what the succubi reveal about the characters in what ways, the theme that’s so prevalent in Dunmeshi of idealization, Marcille’s imagery as a dungeon lord, a shepherd a general a princess a monster a damsel a woman in mourning…

But that’s enough for heavy ones, side characters wise: doing quick posts like for the gold-stripper characters has been great, but those usually come to me on the same day that I post them. I might make some analysis posts on say Mickbell or Holm or Otta, but I don’t have the thread I want to follow yet. Flamela’s been on my brain so much too…

Mostly though there’s just a lot that I wouldn’t write analysis for, but that I’d love to explore in fanfics! For example, the hienbeni I want to write the most rn is about the surges of anger that Benichidori gets, impulsive and stressed out. I haven’t made a post on my Izutsumi & Benichidori brotp and all the interesting parallels I think I have, but I’ve written a fic on it! Same about Chilchuck’s daughters and their relationship with his alcoholism, etc. I explored the guilt and confliction he may feel about his wife in my fic Enough as well, etc etc. You can see my fics here! For Kabru’s party lately mickrin has been having a chokehold on my brain, I’d love love love to explore Rin’s and Mickbell’s characters and issues through fics for them. As I think you might have figured, I love to explore characters through the lenses of relationships they have with others (Cithis & Mithrun and Pattadol, Thistle and Falin, etc), and that’s why for example I love to make posts that pitch ship ideas, I think specific dynamics can really have a lot to say about either characters. Oh another one’s toshimari, I want to make a fic about them and their feelings of being foreigners and not being able to integrate well to The Island, through the plot of them going to a restaurant as coworkers and the food they eat there~

These are only the ones I have at the top of my head though………. Someone help me Hopefully this post wasn’t boring lol, but yeah those are my wips rn. Need to make posts on toshimari, kabushuro, cithaios, cittadela and ships like that I think have interesting potential too. Many of these I’ve mentioned here I’ve had in my drafts for like 6 months btw gdvd 😭

#Fumi updates #Rinsha fana #marcille donato #diamond of sadena #Ask #wips #I like to have a ‘narrative’ of sorts when doing analysis posts so things feel like they have an aim #which is why finding an angle or focusing on specific scenes or a dynamic is important #Like i might make a dia x holm post that details what i think their personality traits and life experiences are and how i think that could #explore their characters in interesting or fun ways but a dia or holm analysis on their own eh idk. I do think Holm’s more cryptic though #What do his spirits mean to him? How does his religion affect him? He freezes up when there’s too much going on… I love you #I’m just rambling now though save me

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jakekiszska · 2 years

Text

guitar pick

jake kiszka x female!reader

a/n: i hacked tumblr so hard to get this fic back, the most popular gvf fic i ever posted. dedicated to my sweet @bluevelvetgvf for the request that inspired this nearly a year ago. i hope you all enjoy this one again. 🥹

warnings: explicit sexual content, minors dni! teasing, dirty talk, penetrative sex, horny for pick in mouth jake.

tags: pls let me know if you’d like to be added or removed. @alwayzthere @strangersingold @garbagevanfleet @harmonyhous @obetrolncocktails @godlygreta @gardenvanfleet @singingmangoes @tripthelight-fanfic @theweightofstardust @teddiie @gretavanfleas @brokenbellz @jordierama

you’d just been hired on as a roadie for one of your favorite bands, greta van fleet. it felt so surreal to finally be working in your dream career, and having your first tour with a band you loved made it that much better.

you’d instantly bonded with a few members of the road crew, they’d taken you under their wing, and for the first few days you learned the ins and outs of the boys equipment and how to get them rigged.

after about a week you’d gotten the hang of it, and you loved to watch the boys play. you didn’t get to stay and see it all very often, though you wanted to, but what you had seen live was just as good as their studio recordings.

right before the tour kicked off, some of your fellow roadie friends and the boys decided to have a few drinks, and they invited you along, to which you happily agreed. you dressed simply for the evening, and you were excited to get to see how they were off stage and in person.

you rode along with your friends, and they took you to the boy’s apartment. you stepped inside and the four of them greeted your crewmates, and then turned to you. josh was the first to speak up, asking your name, and after you told him he gave you a tight hug.

“it’ll be nice to have you join us on tour,” jake said, running a hand through his hair, “it was impressive to see how quickly you learned everything.”

you tried your hardest not to swoon at his words— jake was your favorite member of the band by a longshot. you loved all four of them indefinitely, but there was something about him. he had a certain je ne sais quoi— you couldn’t put your finger on it. all you knew was that he was probably the hottest man you’d ever laid eyes on, and he was talking to you.

scanning the room, you noticed everyone having separate conversations, and when you looked back to jake he had a smug look painted on his face. he leaned in slowly and whispered “pick your jaw up off the floor” before walking across to the kitchen to grab himself a drink.

as you watch him walk away, you feel a blush creep to your cheeks, but you try your hardest to play it cool. you walk over and join into a conversation between sam and a few friends, and you find that his laugh is just as delightful in person. he tried to include you in the conversation often, and you appreciated that.

you suddenly had the sinking feeling someone was watching you, so you looked up from your conversation and made eye contact with jake. he shot you a wink as he blew out the smoke from the cigarette he’d been puffing on, so you rolled your eyes in response.

you hear him laugh from his place in the kitchen, but you can’t be bothered to look at him anymore. you just ease back in to the conversation around you and try to pretend that you aren’t getting bothered by jake’s teasing demeanor.

about twenty minutes later, some of your friends begin to beg the boys to play something for them, so they reluctantly agree. you walk down the hall and see their studio room. you watch as sam and jake get ready and hook up to their amps, and daniel pulls out a box drum and takes a seat on top of it.

they begin to play and josh starts singing, and you can feel serotonin wash over your body. it’s been amazing every time you’d heard them play, but in this setting it was even more incredible. you bobbed your head along to the music, and you were happy to see everyone was enjoying themselves.

once they were done, everyone except jake left the room, and he asked you to stay back with him. he said he needed to show you something involving his rig, so you walked back into the room and over to where he was.

he smiled at you, and to your surprise he did have to show you something. you tried your best to memorize what he told you, and you made a mental note of it. when he was done explaining he walked over to a couch against the west wall of the room, and sat down on the edge of it. “you seemed to enjoy the music a lot, i saw you mouthing the words. were you a fan before you got to come on tour?” he asked, and you shook your head yes.

“hmm… interesting” he teased, leaning forward so his elbows were on his knees. “who’s your favorite?” he taunted, and you felt the back of your neck get hot. “you are, jake” you say reluctantly, and you see a sly smile spread across his face. “oh yeah? that’s cute.”

suddenly, feeling bold, you decide to tell him you’d wanted to come see them on tour before, but you’d never been able to. “i’d always fantasized about being at the barricade, being one of those girls who screamed ‘i love you jake! can i have your pick please?’”

he smiled at your confession before laughing and digging a pick from the front pocket of his jeans. “like this one?” he asked, and you told him yes. “you want it?” he questioned again, tone still cocky, and you respond “yeah, you gonna give it to me?”

“you can have the pick,” he says, leaning back on the couch and putting his arms behind his head, “but you have to come get it.”

“uh, i-i” you stutter, unable to form a coherent sentence at the boldness of his words. “okay, look,” he begins again, “maybe i read the tone wrong. if you don’t want me like i think you do, say so. in that case i’ll hand you the pick and we can be done with this. but if i didn’t read it wrong, and you do want me, then come and get it.”

he flicks the pick between two fingers teasingly and then places it in his mouth, holding it with his teeth.

you move towards him, though the actions feel foreign to you, and when you approach him you reach out to pull the pick from between his teeth with your fingers. he catches your hand, rubbing slow circles into your wrist with calloused fingers, and uses his free hand to pull the pick from his mouth. “if you want it, you gotta get it the way it’s being given” he says, and places the pick back into his mouth.

you suck in a sharp breath before leaning in to him, attempting to grab it from his mouth with your own. before you can close your teeth over it, he lets it fall into his mouth, and you see it laying on his tongue. you realize he isn’t going to play fairly, so you bite the bullet.

you climb over him, straddling his body with your thighs on either side of him, and you connect your lips to his. you feel him press the pick against your lips, and you let him push it into your mouth and onto your tongue. once it’s in your mouth, you reach up and grab it, taking it out and slipping it into your pocket. you look down and make eye contact with jake, and you decide you’re already here, so fuck it.

you connect your lips with his again, this time with a purpose, and you smile as you feel him run his hands along your sides. a soft moan leaves his lips as you push yourself forward into him, and you slowly tangle your fingers into his hair as you deepen the kiss.

he prods his tongue against your bottom lip and you allow him entry, so he licks a hot stripe against the roof of your mouth before rolling his tongue around your own. he slides his hands up the back of your shirt and unclasps your bra, so you work to quickly remove it so that he can continue his plan of action.

he slides his hand beneath your shirt and uses his thumb and forefinger to pinch one of your nipples and then slowly roll it. you moan into his mouth and he swallows the sound, continuing to kiss you fervently. without realizing, you begin rocking your hips into him, desperate for some friction.

“you okay baby?” he asks, breaking the kiss. “you getting worked up?”

you blush, but you don’t let him take the upper hand this time. “i don’t know, jakey. judging by the tent you’re pitching in your pants it seems like you’re getting worked up too.”

“those are bold words you’re using, young lady” he quips back, and then stands without warning. he lifts you effortlessly and places your back against the seat of the couch before getting on top of you, his body hovering over yours. you wrap your hands around his neck and pull him into you, kissing him again, and you feel him laugh into you.

“what’s so funny?” you question, arching up into him to gain more friction, and he laughs again before asking you, “don’t you think they’ll be wondering what we’re doing in here?”

at this point, you didn’t care, and you made that known to jake. you felt him slowly work his hands down your body before reaching the clasp of your jeans, and you nodded at him to signal that it was okay. he undid them and pulled them swiftly down your legs before chuckling at the panties you’d chosen to wear. “i like your flowers,” he said, kissing your jaw, “they’re so cute. you’ll have to let me keep this pair.”

you smacked his arm and reached down to pull them down your legs, kicking them off once they were around your ankles. he moved off of you so he could rid himself of his pants as well, and then he returned between your legs. “you wanna just go for it?” he asks, and you reply, “just fuck me already.”

he slowly drags his length through your folds, teasing you, and taps the tip of his cock against your clit before he enters you agonizingly slowly.

the stretch of him burned, but the pain faded quickly to pleasure as you adjusted to his size. he rocked into you slowly a few times before grabbing your hips and beginning to set a ruthless pace. you brought an arm over your face and bit into your wrist to stifle your moans, and when you looked at jake his cocky smirk had returned. “what’s wrong, princess? you don’t want everyone else to hear who your favorite band member is?”

at his words, you almost scream, biting into your arm as hard as you could. he removed a hand from your waist and pulled your arm from your mouth, and you whimpered as he continued to drive into you. “jake, please,” you whine, “i’m gonna cum, please.”

he leans down to press a kiss to your throat before telling you “cum for me baby, let me feel you.”

you curl your toes and arch your back as your orgasm hits you, and jake presses his lips to yours to help you keep quiet. a few seconds later he pulls out of you, and uses his left hand to hike your shirt up your front while his right hand strokes his cock. moments later he’s shooting hot strands of cum all over your stomach, and your jaw drops at the sight. he moves from above you to go grab some tissues from a table in the corner, and helps you clean up.

you both get dressed together and you reach into your pocket to grab at the pick, stroking at it softly. “this is gonna be an interesting tour, isn’t it?” he asks you. “i don’t know,” you say, and this time your tone is teasing, “you tell me, pretty boy.”

#greta van fleet #greta van fanfic #greta van fleet fic #gvf smut #jake kiszka #danny wagner #greta van fleet smut #josh kiszka #sam kiszka #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka smut #jake gvf #jake smut #greta van fleet blurb #gvf fanfiction #gvf imagine #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka gvf

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ccrites · 3 months

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about me

Hi, i'm CC (she/they), i'm twenty-[wilhelm scream] and i've decided to create this side-blog to post my writing, bc my Google docs is getting cluttered, and I want to make a step in feeling less self-conscious about my work. We'll see how long I last.

I've been writing since i was like 6, and have gotten into a bad habit of never finishing stuff unless I forced myself to post it somewhere, so I'm hoping this blog will help me go through with it. some stuff will be edited, some not, some ideas, some plots, some horny pwp, some dark stuff, whatever, I just want to get my stuff out there.

currently writing about: call of duty (i know, shocker)

MASTERLIST

MDNI. 18+ only, if you don't have your age in bio you will be blocked

You can find my old fics on AO3 here and any new stuff from this blog cross-posted on AO3 here or on my Tumblr writing tag here (if the link does not work, it's tagged under "cc writes").

(more info under the cut!)

this is a sideblog, so follows and asks from me don’t come from here. If you find my main, I don't care no you didn't.

i am not a native English speaker. If you ever think something sounds wrong please tell me

i am both a full time student and have an adulting job at 80% for my master's. if i ever disappear for a few days do not worry, if I post a lot out of a sudden, i might have a deadline coming up and that's me procrastinating (pls yell at me to go back to work)

might be presumptuous of me to assume my stuff would ever get plugged into AI but if it does I will haunt you and move all the stuff in your house one inch so you always stub your toes Update: privated my AO3 for this reason because I'm paranoid.

if you leave a nice comment I might just combust, I bookmark all of the AO3 emails relating to comments!! I love you!!!

I will always try to answer asks, but like, I have to get them first lol

things i don’t write: I am pretty vanilla but depending on the mood I might venture into dark-er stuff. but if anyone asks for piss stuff I will not judge and gently redirect them away from my ask box

greatly inspired by @391780, @soapskneebrace, @ceilidho, @charliemwrites, @ohbo-ohno, @peachesofteal, and so many others talented writers around here i am forgetting right now. I am a big fan and read almost all their stuff, and it has gotten some of my own brain worms wiggling around in here. let's just hope I don't embarrass myself

#general #cc writes

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mold-ridden-heart · 2 months

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Tea Time

———

A/N: first fic on tumblr! Hope you love my writing, consider giving me a follow if you want more :3

Alastor + gender neutral reader fluff (they have a little tea time)

———

{Reader} had been somewhat close to Alastor ever since they got to the hotel. {Reader} worked there as the receptionist, because ever since the extermination BS went down the hotel had been getting a lot of attention. Charlie needed a receptionist, and {Reader} was probably the ‘best’ fit.

Lore aside, {Reader} noticed how.. distant Alastor had been acting lately. He was always locked away in his radio tower, and wasn’t even broadcasting.

{Reader} thought it was strange. Very, very strange.

So, being the good person they were, they made Alastor’s favorite tea for the two to share.

{Reader} found themself at the door of Alastor’s radio tower (which ever since the rebuilding, was more of a room). They knocked until Alastor opened the door, which took him a good 40 seconds.

“What is— oh, {Reader}! Nice to see you.” He gave that big jackass smile he always did. “What do you need?”

“Don’t pull that ‘nIcE tO sEe YoU’ bullshit on me. I know you’re not fine and I brought your favorite tea.” {Reader} put a hand on their hip, holding the two tea cups in the other. They always knew what was wrong with someone, and what they needed. Alastor’s fake ass grin softened to one of… caring? Happiness? {Reader} couldn’t tell, but it seemed positive.

“You… remembered it?”

“Yup,” {Reader} smiled. “Of course I’d remember.”

“Come in, then!” Alastor was somewhat excited. He got out of the way of the door and let {Reader} come in.

Alastor softly shut the door, sitting down at his radio table or whatever the fuck you call it. {Reader} sat there, the cups on the desk.

Without a word Alastor started drinking his. The man couldn’t really help himself, he liked the tea. The flavor hit the back of his throat, the warm feeling going down his throat.

“Are you going to tell me what’s been going on?” {Reader} asked, taking a sip of their tea.

“Well, I…” Alastor paused for a moment. He hadn’t really been honest like this with someone before. “I guess I’ve just been burnt out lately, all of the work going on at the hotel, all of the people, all of the attention, hell— even my broadcast— it just kind of overwhelmed me.” Alastor paused for a moment, expecting {Reader} to say something.

{Reader} looked at him for a second, before talking. “Are you gonna tell me everything or are you just gonna sit there?”

“Well… I guess I’ve also been thinking about my whole life and afterlife leading up until this point…” Alastor paused to take a sip of his tea. “Strangely, I’ve been in kind of a rut of sadness.”

“Is that all?”

Alastor sighed, “Yes.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

{Reader} looked away, taking another sip. “Alright. Well, want to hear about what’s been going on ever since you isolated yourself?” They smirked, shifting the conversation to a happier note. They knew Alastor hated dwelling on the negative, and preferred to joke about shitty situations. He laughed at this before nodding.

The two talked for what felt like hours, even after finishing their tea. They talked until the sun noticeably went down.

When {Reader} left, Alastor had a content smile on his face. {Reader} knew that the next morning, they’d see Alastor in the lobby.

———

(A/N): Hope you enjoyed my first tumblr fic :3 pls leave suggestions in the replies of the post, I’ll try and get to most of them!

Thanks for reading :)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin fanfiction #fanfiction #Hazbin #hazbin alastor #alastor #fanfic #Hazbin fanfic #fluff #writing

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wheeboo · 10 months

Note

Talk about your moots; what do you like most about them (could be a paragraph or a single sentence, spread the love!!)

omgomg okay lets do this guys. just know i luv every single one of you and without any of you i would not be where i am rn today!! i'm sorry if u were not included its prob bcuz we haven't interacted much yet but i also suck at communicating lmaosdjfldjkkfds i really do not deserve any of you istg

@ylliris-hanniehae - ylli is so sweet n comforting :(( like she's been with me since almost the beginning of me posting on tumblr here and she's been so supportive ever since!! i love the conversations that we have together and she really feels like a little sister to me!! she deserves all the happiness in the world fr

@fairyhaos - yena was the first person i asked to be moots with on here LOL and i remember being like "omfg should i send the ask should i send it" and well i don't regret it one bit!! she's so bubbly and sweet and i will never not say this- she always puts on smile on my face as well as everyone elses!! her fics are also soo comforting and so creative i love it sm

@etherealyoungk - skye is SOO lovely like i remember the moment she liked my mingyu fic and me freaking out like I RECOGNISE THAT NAME RIGHT THERE and i dont regret asking to be moots with her!! i love when she checks in with not just me but everyone else around her she's just so sweet n caring :(( i also love when we randomly scream abt different dramas together lmaoo

@slytherinshua - zanna and i just clicked like a snap the moment we started talking and istg she's so entertaining and funny like there's never a dull moment talking to her!! i love screaming about park jihoon and kdramas w her!! she’s also introduced to so many new groups i’m grateful for that. i also adore our late night music sessions and when we watch dramas together and cry and laugh and just everything

@mirxzii - roxie deserves all the happiness n love and she's so supportive n so silly too !! also i think she's soo relatable w some of the stuff she has said lmaoo it's so goofy and she's also been with me since the very beginning and i very much thank her for that

@rubywonu - nia i miss her so much she's been busy w school so we haven't been able to talk a lot so everyone SEND LOVE TO HER RN. i remember silently gushing abt the love series she made with svt members and being moots and getting to know her i see she's so sweet n chill but ik she got that lil chaotic side to her

@icyminghao - noelle every time i interact w her i just have this giddy smile on my face like its so refreshing to talk to her!! she's busy these days cuz of exams so everyone PLS send love to her too. shes so sweet n i lLOVE it when she screams in caps its the most hilarious thing ever

@wqnwoos - hana her writing istg literally the best thing ever?? its like so delicate but also gets me giggling n kicking my feet fr HAHA like i love it sm. she's such a sweet n chill person to interact with i really hope that i could talk to her more. i also love the poems and words that she reposts because YES i see them it reminds of those poem slideshows on tiktok that either got me crying or the most relatable thing ever

@hannyoontify - kie is so lovely i really hope i can talk to her more!! she's just so sweet n nice n very supportive! also shes like a drum major so hella kudos to her for that such a hardworking queen fr!! i can't wait to interact w her more because ik she's a very fun person to talk to

@toruro - mika i still don't understand how i managed to be moots w her like i admire her sm!! her writing never fails to amaze me like i NEED her brain rn and shes just so pretty?? will never deny that i have a platonic crush on her lmaoo!! and whenever we talk it feels very comfortable and natural it kinda reminds me of catching up with a friend over coffee tbh

@kyeomyun - jada is SOO LOVELY N SUPPORTIVE i always love seeing her pop up in my notifs or inbox and when we scream at each other sometimes LMAO. she's just such a very fun person to talk and i hope we can have more one on one conversations w each other bcuz ik for a fact we're both gonna be screaming over SOMETHING

@blue-jisungs - axe is SO funny and bright and whenever she pops up in my notifs it literally brightens my day sm. like she's just soo infectious that i just can't help but smile?? also she loves kdramas so i hope one day we can scream at each other abt it because YES. her nails and hair are also slay ik for a fact she rocks anything

#i love every single one of u and if u werent here...#i still love u as well dont worry #ylli!#yena!#skye!#zanna!#roxie!#nia!#noelle!#hana!#kie!#mika!#jada!#axe!#friends ༊

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mamaestapa · 3 months

Note

this isn’t hate so don’t take it as such but it’s really confusing seeing you have one foot in, one foot out of the fandom and then getting mad when people don’t follow or understand where you’re at

I don’t read everything you post, I’m not on tumblr often but i saw you said you’re not writing for joe rn (completely fine and valid) but you answered an ask the other day about how much of a dream it would be to have him fall in love with you (when anon said you looked like liv) AND hes still your profile pic and username. I understand the username is effort to change but he is still all over your blog and some days it seems like you’re in a good mood to talk about him and the next you’re so done and it’s just really confusing at this point. if you’re done with him, that’s fine, just pls say so bc it’s confusing when you’re like “u never know!” but also “im not in a joe mood rn” but also “I’d love him to fall in love with me and that would be a dream” and then get mad when we send asks like I genuinely just don’t understand if you love or hate him? you’ve kinda given the impression of both and it’s fine either way but pls just be clear bc it seems like we’re pissing you off but you’re not clear on where you stand and idgi cjdjdmd i thought you were done with him but then I saw the liv ask where u said it would be a dream for him to fall in love with u, so I thought ‘ok ur not writing for him, but you still like him and wanna talk ab him’, and he’s ur prof pic and stuff so I was like ok safe assumption, but then it seemed like u got mad when I sent u a tweet so im just confused fjfjffjd

i hope you understand this isn’t hate and i genuinely love your blog. i just think being clear would be helpful and if ur rlly done with him, even just for now, being straight up would be better than saying youd love him to fall in love w u and then basically telling us to shut up ab him the next day bc ur in ur hockey era rn 😭

sending this with love! once again not hate just don’t like being chastised

“this is the only ask i’ll answer regarding this. “

felt like I was being told off by a teacher in school when I just didn’t know bc u said he’s your favourite last week and some other positive things the other day😭

🤍

i don’t really know how to answer this lol. first of all, i’m not mad at anyone. i just get a little annoyed.

i want to start by saying, i don’t hate joe. i hate what the joe community on tumblr has turned into. you can’t post anything anymore without receiving hate or some sort of comment that isnt so nice. it’s frustrating to see so many good blogs and genuinely nice people receive hate because of the things they post.

we’re all on here just trying to have fun and post positive things about our favorites!

i do not expect you to read every single thing i post on here. i don’t expect that out of anyone that reads my stuff or follows me.

yes, joe absolutely is all over my blog. i’m a fan of his, i write for him, he has been my blog for a whole year now. i don’t mind receiving asks about joe, literally at all. when it comes to his personal life and what he’s doing though…it’s different.

i didn’t create my blog to talk about or speculate anything about joes personal life/life outside of football. i made this blog to write about, see pics of, and meet other people who shared a love for him and the sport too. all this community has turned into the last few months has been drama and speculation which is NOT what im here for.

i’ve moved onto hockey because football wasn’t my interest anymore and that’s okay. i didn’t say to shut up about joe, you absolutely can talk about him. i simply just said i’ve moved on.

i get a little frustrated when i get asks about when in writing fics or updating for him because i’ve said multiple times that im taking a step back and taking a break from writing about joe. am i not allowed to be a fan and say i love him without him being the focus of my blog anymore? lol.

i didn’t mean to “chastise” anyone, i just was simply saying i’m not going to answer anymore asks about what the tweet was about because it’s ALL over tumblr right now. many blogs are receiving hate, talking about the subject, etc. and i just don’t want to be apart of that. i did not create my blog to talk about his personal life or have any drama.

i’ve stopped writing about joe because of what the community has become. he has nothing to do with it.

i appreciate you being honest with me on how you feel about my blog and my approach with this! i didn’t mean to come off the way i did when i answered your ask about the tweet, i just didn’t want to contribute to the conversation anymore and make it a bigger deal than it already is.

with that being said, it’s been great on here with yall but i’m stepping away from the “joemunity”. thanks for being so amazing🤍

#asks #joey b asks #joe burrow

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youphoriaot7 · 9 months

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helloooo!! i am sen, nice to meet you all :D i've never actually used tumblr for fandom before, but i'm dipping my toes in here on qsmpblr and i've been having a BLAST (y'all may have already seen me in the tags lmao). figured i'd set up a pinned post so that you guys know a bit more!

sen – they/them – over 18 i write fic on ao3 here, and cosplay over on tiktok here! if you want more links, you can check out my carrd here! i'm a cellbit main, with frequent backup from tazercraft and fit! i jump povs a lot though, and i care a lot about lore events, so i'm always down to watch just about anyone. (i've watched a lot of etoiles, tubbo, antoine, roier, jaiden, foolish, bbh, and baghera clips, for example!)

making a tags masterlist below this (because things got out of hand on here VERY quickly lmaoooo) i'll add tags as things happen!

i'll make a fic/studies masterlist soon, as well!

GENERAL TAGS

[just wanted to put a quick notice here! i know i'm doing these little recaps, but i don't generally catch everyone and every stream. and i don't pretend to! which is why if there's ever something i missed/explained incorrectly (or if you just want to go even further in depth about whatever pov you watched) please feel free to explain more in the rbs and/or tags!!! i always love reading the stuff because at the end of the day i'm invested in everyone's lore, but there's only so much i can catch. :') i'll always reblog it with the same #qsmp recap tag as usual!! <;3]

CHARACTER TAGS

DUO TAGS

PLOT TAGS

disappearances (TW: KIDNAPPING – kidnappings) the federation are evil (federation-related) 00100001 (code related) isla quesadilla (history of the island)

pl;fuga (fuga impossivel—tazercraft, cellbit, felps) pl;childhood (TW: KIDNAPPING / CHILD ABUSE – baghera's past) pl;anarchy (fit's past) pl;presidency (forever's term) pl;paradise (fit's lore) pl;missing (missing federation employee) pl;bluebird (jaiden's past) pl;existence (TW: POSSESSION[?] – romero richas) pl;perfection (TW: DRUG USAGE – federation happy pills) pl;worse (whatever this black concrete/evilrucho thing is)

ev;chainsaw (yeah i have so much angst about this it needs its own tag shush) ev;corruption (TW: MANIPULATION – cellbit's corruption arc) ev;fedescape (cellbit & felps) ev;manipulation (cellbit's original black box missions) ev;jaidens (the dungeon, first and second times) ev;dinner (the election dinner) ev;jailbreak (TW: JAIL – tazercraft) ev;resgate (TW: KIDNAPPING – pac's disappearance/rescue) ev;arrival (arrival of nine new members) ev;memory (TW: MISSING EGGS – cellbit's forgotten egg investigation) ev;arena (etoiles arena fight) ev;watchtower (TW: KIDNAPPING – mike's disappearance/rescue/whatever the hell is wrong with him now) ev;hatch (TW: MISSING EGGS – whatever tf is happening to the eggs/couch codes—events may not be related though kgjfs)

#pinned post

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tennessoui · 3 months

Note

hi kit! long time no see lol jk I spend so much time on your blog and ko-fi its not even funny (in a nice non-stalkerish way I promise) I subscribed to your kofi and was wondering if you planned on continuing any of those AUs or were they meant to be sorta one shots? because I *literally* cannot stop thinking about healer anakin going about this day with that brightest blue silk blindfold?? oh all the potential for pining and hurt/comfort and ALL THE ANGST here?? ooof pls I need more - 🦊

hiii kit it's 🦊 again I am back because I just had an epiphany about the healer anakin AU I am obsessed with currently. so is the blindfold like a hijab where your close family (so other healer peers in private I suppose?) and your significant other is able to see you with the blindfold off? I started thinking that keeping it on 24/7 is probably not ideal and there has to be some time that it comes off, and who gets to see you then.. I am south asian so I kinda dig this tbh! 😊 (2/2)

hello hello this is such an interesting ask!! for the first part, i'm really not sure - i think there are fics on ko-fi that i would love to expand and write more for (the healer anakin au being one of them) but at the same time, i think while i am running the ko-fi fic thing, then those stories need to exist only on there - or i need to talk to everyone who supports me monthly on there and see if they would be ok with me posting those stories somewhere else (like on ao3 or tumblr) and expanding on them more. as of right now, they're really just one shots that act a bit like slices of life in the au - just enough information that the characterizations are apparent and just enough setting and premise that it feels like a story but overall stand alone

but yes i too am sorta obsessed with the idea of healer skywalker showing up to healer functions with a bright blue silk bandana over his eyes while everyone else has the standard issue gray or white cloth. of course they wouldn't know, but just imagine like. mace windu attends to give a debrief of the next few battle plans and anakin is just...sticking out like a sore thumb lol

as for the second part, in my mind i'm sort of waving the logistics of keeping the blindfold on for long stretches of time because im leaning more into the fantasy side of star wars tbh - i think it's more angsty as a concept if healers sort of...give their eyes away forever/until they retire and never open them. they change the bandages and shower without them on, but the force is supposed to act as their eyes for menial daily tasks like telling apart shampoo from conditioner and cooking (and they just get used to it)

like that feels so much more angsty because obi-wan will never ever get to see anakin's eyes again and he has to just. make his peace with that which he's obviously struggling to do in the ficlet on ko-fi. he has to figure out how to love anakin as he is, with his vows, or he won't get him at all and obi-wan wrestling with that is a key part of the ficlet. im not sure how strongly that angst would hit if they could reach a certain point of closeness and then he could get anakin the way he had him when they were in the creche, sight and all you know? he needs to accept who anakin is to really have a chance at loving him without getting some other version of him back

but that being said i also do dig the idea of the blindfolds being taken off in the company of one's family or loved ones and am open to it--it explains a lot of logistical questions for sure lol

i just also really like the angst and acceptance that comes from the idea that obi-wan must become ok with never seeing anakin's eyes again....only for anakin, who loves him so much, to break his vows because obi-wan is dying and needs him or obi-wan is dying and asks to see his eyes one last time (only for obi-wan to categorically survive)

#asks #jedi healer anakin au #healer anakin au #? cant remember which tag ive used for tumblr posts about this #anyway now im torn haha!!#but you know i love some angst ....#obikin

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tehmichi · 11 months

Text

Massages and Happy Endings - Part 2 - Beautiful

Notes: I wrote this back a few months ago, and I went over it a little now to touch it up. Hope you enjoy it! Can be read as a female reader insert. (Also, I'm new to posting fics on tumblr. pls forgive formatting errors) Part 1

Tags: Body worship, praise kink, cunnilingus, vaginal fingering, p in v smexy times, female ejaculation

Gaz had been a little nervous since the night before. While he was excited at the idea of getting a long overdue massage, he was worried about it being too much work for Stella. It’d been a good few years since his last one, so he was certain there were was going to be a lot of pent-up tension to work through.

Stella disappeared that morning after breakfast and didn’t come back until after lunch. She’d returned with a few bags of things and assured everyone she’d eaten before coming back. Right after that, she disappeared into the med bay and requested to not be bothered until Gaz’s appointment time.

He knocked on the door shortly before three.

“Come in, it’s unlocked,” Stella’s voice called from the other side. Gaz turned the knob and stepped in, surprised at how the base medical wing had been transformed. Soft music played through a small speaker, while the room was adorned with dimmed lights and candles.

“Wow,” Gaz said, impressed.

“You can strip behind the curtain and get in the bed when you’re ready,” Stella said from her desk. Her back was turned towards him as she read on her tablet.

“Underwear?”

“Your choice. Though I will need to lower it slightly to massage your lower back.”

“Alright,” Gaz said, seeing the curtain. “Music’s nice.”

“It’s one of those weird lo-fi stations on youtube,” Stella said with a giggle. “If you want anything else let me know. I’m not too fond of those Zen music stations. The singing bowls distract me,” she continued as Gaz started to take off his clothes. He chuckled at her admission, feeling a little more at ease.

“Thanks for doin’ this for us, Stella,” Gaz said as he finished removing the last of his clothes.

“Of course. You all deserve it after all the shit we’ve been through these last few months.”

“Agreed,” Gaz said as he climbed onto the bed.

“Do you want me to start with your back?”

“Yes, please,” Gaz answered.

“Okay. Any area, in particular, you want me to focus on?”

“My shoulders.”

“I feel like that’s what all of you are going to ask,” Stella chuckled.

“Probably,” Gaz said, laying down and covering himself as much as possible. “I’m settled.”

“Alright,” Stella replied. Gaz heard her set down the e-reader before slowly walking toward him. “Close your eyes, relax, and it’s okay if you fall asleep,” she said. Gaz heard a bottle open before the smell of coconut and almond invaded his senses. “I’m going to start on your legs and slowly work my way up. After that, I'll ask you to flip over. Deal?”

“Yes,” Gaz answered as he felt the blanket being lifted up on his left leg. Her hands were warm as she started working through his foot first before reaching his calf, applying gentle pressure as she massaged the muscle. Gaz groaned as she continued forth up to his thigh, feeling knots coming undone with minor pressure and pain. “Fuck,” he groaned as Stella undid a particularly stubborn knot mid-thigh.

“Good?” Stella asked softly.

“Yes,” Gaz breathed.

“Moving onto your right leg,” Stella said, covering him up before moving around the table. “Is the oil good?”

“Yes,” Gaz answered, closing his eyes. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Stella said as she resumed massaging him. The calming tunes helped as he melted under her hands. After she finished with his right leg and covered him up, Stella moved the blanket down to get to his back. “Pressure okay?”

“Yes,” Gaz breathed, coming back from his nearly asleep trance.

“Let me know if it’s too much. This is going to take me a while.”

“Will do, Stella,” Gaz said as he heard the bottle opening once more. Her hands returned as she started with his lower back, varying in pressure. As she moved he could hear small little grunts and sighs as she worked on him.

“Jesus,” she whispered.

“What?”

“Your back is absolutely wrecked. This is going to hurt.”

“Can’t be worse than a bullet.”

“You’d be surprised, Kyle,” Stella said, finding a particularly stubborn muscle. Gaz tensed at the sound of his name coming from her lips instead of his callsign.

“Fuck!” Gaz cried, now fully understanding what she meant.

“If you want me to stop, I’ll stop,” Stella said, withdrawing her hands.

“No, don’t,” Gaz insisted.

“Alright. Your call,” Stella said, as she got back to the massage. Gaz kept breathing through it, feeling each knot come undone with some minor pain. “Doing okay there, Kyle?”

“Yes,” Gaz replied, feeling more relaxed as Stella finally finished. He liked the sound of his name coming from her. It sounded sweet. She started working on his shoulders and arms, causing more pain to slip through while she massaged his pent-up stress away. “Oh, fuck,” Gaz groaned as another knot came undone. “Your hands are magic, luv,” he added.

“Thanks,” Stella said, feeling the color rise to her cheeks. She cleared her throat to remind herself that now was not the time to fantasize. As she’d expected, Gaz’s arms were the hardest muscles to work with. After a long few minutes, she felt the stress come apart thanks to her hard work. “All that’s left is your neck and I’ll ask you to flip over, alright?”

“Yes, luv,” Gaz said, moaning after he felt her hands on him again. Stella pressed her lips together as she worked, adding a little extra oil to her hands before getting back at it. Gaz closed his eyes again, relaxing under her hands and feeling the warmth radiating from her.

“Flip over,” Stella whispered, as she released him. Gaz carefully flipped himself around, laying down on his back. He felt that he was semi-hard, something he was already somewhat used to from massages. “How are you feeling so far?”

“Great,” Gaz answered, smiling slightly. Stella had stepped aside for a moment, grabbing some more of the massage oil. He took a moment to admire her under the dim lights. She was beautiful, dressed down in a loose shirt and tight shorts. Her hair had been swept up in a messy bun that rested atop the crown of her head. The team had all previously discussed how stunning they found her, and seeing her like this added fuel to fantasies he’d had previously.

“Good,” Stella said as she set the bottle aside. “I’m glad,” she added, slowly walking over toward him once more with a bright smile. “I’m going to go over your arms again and finish at your stomach, alright?”

“Yes, that’s fine,” Gaz answered as Stella grabbed his left arm and got back to work, starting with his hand. Her soft little noises returned, Gaz feeling every single one of them down to his length. She was focused, Stella’s expression mostly serious. Her plump lips slightly parted as she kept going down his arm. Gaz took the time to keep his eyes on her, admiring the little freckles that dotted her face, the small scar above her left eye from shrapnel a few months back, and the smallest smile that seemed to permanently rest on her face. “Luv?”

“Yeah?” Stella whispered, releasing his left arm and going around to grab his right. Gaz noticed the slight flush of her cheeks, finding her even more precious than before.

“You’re very good at this.” .

“Thanks,” she said softly. He could feel more comforting warmth radiating from Stella, grounding him in the present and the intimacy of this moment. Gaz closed his eyes and lost himself in the moment, wandering into some of his fantasies thanks to the added soundtrack. Visions of Stella under him as he fucked her good, feeling her soft skin under his lips as he kissed every inch of her, those sweet little sounds that were setting him on fire and causing him to get harder under the blanket. “I’m almost done,” Stella said softly, startling him back to reality.

“Shit,” Gaz said, opening his eyes and seeing his new problem. “I’m sorry, Stella,” he said, looking from his painfully throbbing length to her.

“Gaz, this is one of my side gigs when I’m not on deployment, I’m used to that,” Stella said, still working on his stomach.

“It’s not because of the massage,” Gaz said, swallowing nervously. Stella pulled back, her cheeks flushed once more.

“Oh,” she said, struggling to find her next words. “Um, okay,” she said, swallowing nervously.

“I can leave if you-”

“No, it’s fine,” Stella said quickly. She was avoiding his gaze, more focused on the tented erection under the blanket.

“Stella?” Gaz asked, slowly sitting up.

“Sorry,” she apologized, panting.

“Where did you go, luv?”

“The same place you probably did,” she answered, finally looking at him.

“You’ve thought about me?”

“Yes. All of you.”

“Oh?”

“I’m one woman in a team of six very attractive men and I can’t bring a fucking toy on deployment,” Stella mumbled. “I’ve seen plenty, and over this whole time, I’ve built considerable connections with all of you. Attraction followed right after that.”

“All at once or…?”

“No, not all at once. I prefer the intimacy of one on one. Have not had more than that,” she said, avoiding Gaz’s eyes as she felt the tension in the room starting to spark.

“We’ve all thought about you,” Gaz admitted.

“What?” Stella asked in disbelief.

“Stella, you’re beautiful. Inside and out. We’ve all had fantasies about you but out of respect, none of us have dared to approach,” Gaz answered. Stella slowly walked over toward him, swallowing nervously. “You’ve taken care of us since this whole mess started. We all want to return the favor you’re doing for us this week. Would you let us?” Gaz asked.

“You all like me that much?”

“Luv, you have no idea,” Gaz said. “Hell, last night we all agreed that unless you said or did something, we weren’t going to make a move on you.” Stella laughed nervously, still in disbelief.

“If I say yes, each of you will give me a happy ending after your massage?”

“In so many words,” Gaz said with a chuckle. “What do you say?”

“Sure, why the fuck not?” Stella said, noticing how his gaze darkened at her consent. “I wasn’t exactly done, Kyle.”

“Yes, you are,” Gaz said, reaching out and wrapping his fingers around her wrist and pulling her toward him. “I’m relaxed enough.”

“How long have you guys been thinking about this?” Stella whispered.

“Months, luv,” Gaz admitted, releasing her wrist and grasping her by the neck gently. “Months.”

“Wow,” she whispered, still stunned this was happening. “All of us are in for a fun week, aren’t we?”

“Yes, we are,” Gaz said, guiding her down to his lips in a kiss. He pulled back slightly, watching how Stella slowly opened her eyes and smiled. “Beautiful,” he whispered. Stella giggled, climbing onto the bed. “Please tell me you have condoms in here.”

“Current IUD,” Stella said. “Last partner was years ago. I’ve only used toys or my fingers since.” Gaz growled at her words, feeling his length twitch.

“You’re going to be full of us by the end of the week,” he said huskily.

“Fuck,” Stella breathed. Gaz chuckled darkly, claiming her lips in a searing kiss. Stella quickly grabbed the hem of her shirt, slowly tugging it upwards. She broke apart from Gaz’s lips to cast it aside, latching back onto his lips as Gaz reached over and undid the clasp of her bra expertly. It slid off her arms before he threw that aside, in the opposite direction of the candles.

“Lie down, luv,” Gaz asked as he pulled back for air. Stella nodded, her lust driving her wild as Gaz lifted the sheets off the bed and gave her room to do as asked. “Gods, you’re stunning,” he whispered, cupping her left breast before taking the right one in his mouth. Stella gasped at the contact, moaning as his tongue swirled the soft nub, bringing it to a peak.

“Oh, fuck,” Stella gasped as Gaz switched his mouth from one mound to the other. Her soft pants and moans were sweeter as he kept building her up slowly. He released her breast and slowly trailed his fingers down to the hem of her shorts and underwear, finding her slick with arousal.

“How long have you been this wet, sweetheart?” Gaz whispered after releasing her peaked nipple.

“A bit,” she admitted, panting. “Talking about how much you all have wanted me helped. And uh…that little wild thought I had earlier too.”

“This cunt is goin’ to get so much attention from us,” Gaz said as his fingers carefully circled around her clit. “Tonight, it’s mine,” he growled, sliding a finger inside of her.

“Yes,” Stella gasped, a soft whimper escaping her.

“Don’t be quiet, luv,” Gaz encouraged her, placing soft kisses up her chest until he reached the pulse point on her neck. A second finger joined the first, filling her up further. Sweet pleas escaped her lips as she was built higher. Months of yearning, finally being fulfilled, With each curl of Gaz’s fingers, her release drew nearer. “That’s it,” he panted onto her neck, inserting a third finger. She bucked against him, gripping him by the arm as she came, digging her nails to ground herself as his name escaped her. “Beautiful,” Gaz breathed into her ear as she slowly came down from her high.

“Oh, Kyle,” she panted.

“I want to taste you, that alright?”

“God, yes,” Stella moaned. “I love being eaten out.” Gaz smirked, placing a chaste kiss on the corner of her lips as he withdrew his fingers.

“Thank you,” he whispered, leaving soft kisses as he lay Stella flat on her back and continued downward. In one swift movement, her shorts and underwear joined the rest of her clothes on the flooer as Gaz positioned himself at the apex of her thighs. He licked along her slit, groaning at her taste. “Sweet, just like you, luv,” he said, placing a soft peck on her right thigh. “I want to hear you enjoyin’ yourself. Let them listen, they know what this means.”

“That-that’s the hottest thing anyone’s ever said to me,” Stella admitted with flushed cheeks.

“You’ll be hearin’ that all week,” Gaz said with a smirk, nipping at the plush flesh of her thigh.

“Don’t tease me,” Stella whimpered.

“I’d never, luv,” Gaz said, kissing his way slowly to her folds. His tongue darted between, using delicate licks to savor her taste before dipping his tongue inside of her. Stella moaned at the welcome intrusion, gasping as Gaz’s thumb slowly circled her clit. Another whimper escaped her lips as Gaz withdrew his tongue from her core and released the pressure on her clit, his mouth arriving at her sensitive bundle of nerves and lightly sucking on it.

“Fuck!” Stella mewled, panting as Gaz built her up. Stella gripped the sides of the bed, arching her back as ripples of pleasure kept coursing through her. “Kyle,” she moaned, whimpering as she felt another orgasm drawing nearer. She squirmed beneath him, riding his tongue measured movements. The feel of his tongue and mouth were driving her wild, nothing else mattered right now but Kyle taking care of her in the way she was craving. Stella cried out her second orgasm in a loud cry of his name, squirting all over his face. The sargeant lapped up all of it, groaning at the taste as he licked her clean. “Oh God,” Stella panted.

“Feelin’ good?”

“Yes. And I’ll be better once you fuck me,” Stella answered.

“Our gorgeous girl,” Kyle said, removing himself from her center and placing a soft kiss on her stomach. She let out a soft giggle as she slowly sat up. Gaz carefully wrapped an arm around her neck, angling her face towards him to capture her lips in a kiss as he positioned himself at her entrance. He slowly worked his way in, groaning at the way her walls gripped him. Stella’s soft little grunts returned, fulfilling his earlier fantasy as they sounded better in real life as he filled her. Kyle sighed once he was fully sheathed, giving himself and Stella a moment to collect themselves.

“Fuck,” she panted. “I forgot how good this feels,” she moaned. He started slow, savoring the feeling of being inside of her.

“You feel so good, luv,” Kyle groaned, cunt-drunk and moving faster. He tightened the hold around her neck, keeping his eyes on her. Her cries of ecstasy were music to his ears, and knowing he was the cause brought a dark smirk to his lips as he slammed into harder. The way she could barely speak, only chanting his name over and over again as Kyle kept pushing into her with fervent need. Stella came loudly, clenching around his length as she released herself all over him, adding more wet friction to their union. “That’s so fuckin’ hot, Stella,” he grunted, the sounds of his wet thrusts overpowered by her blissful sounds.

“Ah, ah,” Stella whimpered, her voice going up a pitch. “

“Me too, luv,” he grunted.

“Harder,” Stella urged. That was the only word she could form, rendered speechless. He did as asked, no longer holding back. With a long-drawn-out moan of his name, she came once more. Kyle groaned out his own release as Stella’s walls tightened around him, taking everything he was willing to give.

“So good, luv, you did so good,” Kyle encouraged with delicate whispers as they came down. He lowered himself down to kiss her, whispering soft praises as he heard her breathing steady. “How are you feelin’?”

“Tired,” Stella breathed into his lips. Kyle chuckled, planting a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth and slowly untangling himself from her.

“Wet naps?”

“Next to the speaker,” Stella answered softly. He found them quickly, going back toward Stella to clean her up. He took care of her in gentle strokes, watching as Stella recovered on the bed.

“Did you fall asleep on me?”

“Almost,” Stella mumbled. Kyle chuckled, planting a soft kiss on her thigh.

“Want one of us to bring you dinner?”

“Yes, please,” Stella answered. He straightened up, looking for water for her. It was a short walk to the med bay fridge, where he found a bottle for her.

“Luv, drink some water,” Kyle said softly. Stella groaned as she sat up, taking the bottle from his hands and drinking from it. “Thank you,” he whispered, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Thank you, Kyle,” Stella said softly, smiling before taking another swig of water. He started to get dressed, keeping his eyes on the dazed female on the massage bed.

“Eat all your dinner and rest up.”

“I will,” Stella said, smiling. “You’re not going to tell me who’s coming in tomorrow?”

“Nope. Where’s the fun in that? Now that you’ve said yes to us, we’re goin’ to make it even more fun by keeping the mystery.”

“Can’t wait,” Stella grinned. Kyle walked over to her, tucking his fingers under her chin so she could look up at him. “This week is a fantasy come true.”

“Indeed,” Kyle said, placing a soft kiss on her lips. “Take it easy, alright?”

“Yes, Kyle,” Stella beamed. He smiled back at her as he walked over to the door, unlocked it, and left the med bay.

___________________________________________________________

Kyle stepped into the dining room to the entire team waiting for him. They all stared at him expectantly, eager to hear anything about how his afternoon had gone. Dinner was ready, various steaming plates were set out on the table, untouched.

“I told them she said yes,” Soap said quickly. “They don’t believe me.”

“You heard her?”

“Gods, yes,” Soap groaned. “I hate that it’s not my turn tomorrow.”

“Wait, Soap isn’t kidding?” Alejandro asked.

“No, he’s not. I told her to be as loud as she wanted, that you’d all know what that meant if you heard her,” Kyle answered. “She said yes.”

“Fuckin’ hell,” Price said in disbelief.

“Where is she now?” Ghost asked.

“Resting. She needs dinner,” Kyle answered. Simon immediately sprang to action, grabbing a plate and filling it with food. “Thanks, Ghost.”

“Of course. I’ll make sure she gets to bed,” he added, making sure he had enough. “I’ll be back later, save me some,” Simon said, quickly heading toward the med bay. Once he stood before the door, he knocked lightly.

“Come in,” Stella’s voice called out through the door. Simon carefully opened it with his free hand, admiring the dimly lit room and the soft music. He found her on the massage bed, relaxed. “Si,” she said softly, smiling.

“Gaz told us you said yes,” he said softly.

“I did,” she replied, slowly sitting up, clutching the blanket as she covered herself up with it. “You’re not going to tell me when you’re up?”

“No,” he chuckled. “We all promised to keep it a secret.”

“Jerk,” she giggled.

“Here, dinner,” Simon said, offering her the plate of food.

“Can you get me my shirt?”

“Of course,” Simon answered. He set the meal down at her desk, finding her discarded clothing items around the room. “Someone was eager.”

“Simon, it’s been years since the last time I had sex,” Stella scowled. He chuckled, giving her what she’d asked for.

“I’ll go get you more water,” he said, turning around to give her privacy to redress.

“Thank you,” Stella said. Simon turned around with a new bottle of water for her. “Are you going to keep me company while I eat?”

“Yes, and that you get to bed.”

“I’m not a child.”

“No, but we want to take care of you and make sure you rest,” he said softly, helping Stella off the massage bed so she could sit at her desk and eat. “Just like you do for us every day.”

“That’s something similar to what Kyle said earlier.”

“Because we all agree,” Simon said, removing his mask finally and watching her eat.

“I need to wash the sheets,” Stella said between bites.

“I’ll take care of it. You know I’m the one who sleeps the least.”

“Hopefully, you’ll be able to get some rest at some point this week.”

“I do too, star,” Simon said, gathering up the sheets. “I’m going to put this to wash and be right back.”

“Okay,” Stella said smiling as she kept eating. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” Simon said, putting on his mask. “Finish that.”

“I will, Si,” Stella said, rolling her eyes.

“Good girl,” he said, noticing how a blush quickly built on her cheeks. “Figured you were one to enjoy praise,” he teased as he opened the door. Stella narrowed her gaze at him, growling slightly.

“Shut up.”

“You know you like the sound of my voice, dove.”

“It was one time.”

“You fell asleep to me reading you a book twice,” he teased her. “Once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern.”

“Fine,” Stella groaned. “I like the sound of your voice. Especially when it’s unobstructed.”

“Wait until you hear it in your ear praisin’ you for how good you take my cock.”

“Fuck, Si,” Stella groaned. He chuckled darkly as he left the med bay to start the load of laundry.

His turn couldn’t get here soon enough.

#fanfiction #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick x oc #kyle gaz garrick x reader #kyle gaz garrick #simon riley x oc #simon riley x reader #smut #cod smut #cod fanfic #cod modern warfare ii #cod modern warfare #cod modern warfare ii fanfic #no beta we die like men #no beta we die like OG Ghost

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dreamofbecoming · 2 years

Text

pale shadows of forgotten names

so people seem to be enjoying my writing lately, and i realized i never properly posted my first witcher fic on here when i first wrote it- i posted a link to the ao3, but i wasn’t super active in the fandom yet and i didn’t make it readable on tumblr. so i thought i would share it here now, in case anyone is interested, and because it’s nice to have all my writing together in my tag on here

pls note i knew even less about the non-netflix canon then than i do now, so everything about spying is just made up lmao

ao3

geraskier, post-s2, getting together

rating: t

wc: 13k

“Might be best if I stay out of Redania for a while, actually.”

“If you get arrested, I’ll just break you out again. There’s a book there I need, the copy in Kaer Morhen’s library was destroyed. Vesemir said he knew someone in Oxenfurt who might be able to get his hands on one.” Geralt’s tone, as usual, leaves very little room for argument. Luckily, Jaskier has never needed much room when it comes to arguing. Certainly not with Geralt.

“It’s not just that, I really shouldn’t get close to Tretogor anytime soon, either. Especially with Ciri being hunted by half the Continent.” He’s hoping desperately that they won’t ask why, but who is he kidding. His luck is never that good.

“And why, exactly, is Tretogor a problem? Not that we would want to parade around a capital city regardless, but I’m curious. Oxenfurt I get, they’ll be looking for the Sandpiper, I’m sure, or at least the twit that broke out of their jail, but what’s in Tretogor?”

Damn the fucking witch, always too perceptive for her own good. And to think he was almost starting to like her. Well, at least the familiarity of wanting to claw her eyes out is comforting.

Jaskier sighs. He should probably be honest with them if they’re going to travel together, though who knows how long that state of affairs will last this time. Still, he’s not going to risk Ciri. He’d have kept his silence if it were just Geralt and the witch- he already has, in fact, and it worked for nearly 20 years, after all- but Ciri is precious cargo. The rules have changed.

Plus, Yen could probably just read his mind now that she has her magic back. Fucking sorceresses.

Speaking of, “Alright, but not here,” he sighs. “Wait until we make camp and Yen can set up wards or silencing spells or something.” He hasn’t noticed any white owls following them, but she’s always been good at avoiding being seen. That’s sort of the point, he supposes.

“Who do we need wards from, Jaskier? Are you being followed? Should I have left you behind? Did I put Ciri in danger by trusting you?” Geralt’s voice is hard, and Jaskier feels hurt pool in his belly for a moment before cold anger takes its place again.

“Considering I just traipsed halfway across the continent and back, no questions asked, and nearly died trying to help stop a fucking demon from killing her, what the fuck do you think, Geralt? I’ll remind you that only one of us has known and loved her since she was small. Do you really believe I would do that to her? To you?” And maybe that last bit wasn’t really meant to come out, certainly not in that small, sad little voice, but Jaskier is nothing if not a master of pushing through slip ups and missed lines. He’s a goddamn professional. He doesn’t let his expression change where he’s glaring up at Geralt’s stupid, angry, handsome face. Fucker.

He’s traveled with Geralt a long time. Almost a quarter century, on and off (including this last year, which was most decidedly off), more than half of that physically by his side. He knows the Witcher’s face better than he knows his own, and he can predict Geralt’s reaction in almost any scenario you care to name. A perceived threat met with scorn will make him double down on his anger, almost guaranteed. Jaskier knew this going in, but he didn’t spend half a year belting his rage and betrayal to every student and passing traveler in a hundred miles (not to even mention the whole ‘living through a massacre’ thing) to be cowed by Geralt’s glower now, no matter how distressingly sexy it may or may not still be. Or how it maybe still makes his stomach twist with something sick and anxious at the idea of having disappointed him. Again. Fuck that. Geralt has no right to be disappointed in him, not this time.

So naturally he’s a little shocked when, after a few more seconds of unreasonably attractive scowling, Geralt, improbably, backs down.

He heaves a sigh where’s he’s perched on (new) Roach, a sleeping Ciri safely ensconced in his arms on the saddle in front of him. His eyes fall shut for a moment, and when they open, the cold fury is gone, replaced with something that looks a lot like…regret? Sadness? It’s hard to tell in the dark, but regardless, the air of melancholy around him right now is out of character for this particular situation, and extremely disconcerting. Jaskier is definitely disconcerted.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Jaskier. I do trust you. There’s a cave not far from here, it shouldn’t be too hard to secure. We can make camp soon.”

Was that…an apology? An actual, genuine expression of remorse, unprompted and freely given? He pokes Geralt’s upsettingly firm calf, staring incredulously.

“Are you really Geralt? Do I need to check you with silver or something? Yen, read his mind. Is he some kind of Doppler? Is this actually our Witcher?”

Geralt’s face is flatly unamused, and he kicks out to swat Jaskier’s hand away. Luckily, Jaskier has decades of practice avoiding Witcher speed for annoyance purposes, and pulls his hand back before Geralt can accidentally break his fingers or something. At least, he thinks it would be accidental. Probably.

Atop her borrowed mare, curtesy of Kaer Morhen’s surprisingly impressive herd, Yen raises a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at Geralt’s obvious irritation. “It’s a fair question, Geralt. Immediate, unsolicited apologies for bad behavior are not exactly your brand.” Jaskier is grudgingly impressed that she manages to keep the arch look on her face despite his current frigid distance from her. Apparently they’re not back to mutual teasing levels of familiarity yet, though he’s sure it will only be a matter of time before they’re back to forgetting he’s there mid-sentence to go fuck like stupidly attractive, scary, powerful rabbits. Won’t that be fun to live through again.

Geralt glares harder. Jaskier can’t actually see his face well enough to be sure, but he can always feel when Geralt is glaring, and the angry face quotient in the air definitely goes up a few degrees.

“Cave’s just up here. Jaskier, start setting up camp. Yen, wards. I’ll get Ciri and the horses settled and find something for supper.” He nudges Roach’s flanks and pulls ahead, aiming for a little gap in the trees near a rocky outcropping Jaskier can just barely make out in the scant moonlight. Conversation over then, at least for now.

Yen looks vaguely affronted. “Is it always like this? Traveling with him?”

“What, the glowering? Or the barked orders and being left behind?” If perhaps those words are a touch more bitter than they would have been a year and a half ago, well. That’s no one’s business but his own.

“Both, I suppose? The time I’ve spent with him has rarely been on the road, but he’s never been quite so…demanding. We didn’t exactly do much talking on the way to Kaer Morhen. I’m quite sure he would happily have killed me, or at least have been actively trying to shake me and leave me in the dust, if he hadn’t been so focused on getting to Ciri as quickly as possible.” There’s something brittle and harsh in her tone that feels uncomfortably familiar. It’s far too much like the heavy weight in his ribcage these days, sharp-edged and desperate and miserable.

“If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands!” The hurt and dread freezing his blood in his veins, ice cold and inexorable. The awful silence, waiting for him to take it back, to laugh, to say it was all a horrible joke, or even a dream. The yawning pit of heartbreak and despair that started to rend his chest open, as the reality set in that this was actually it, actually the end, after everything-

Nope. No. Absolutely not. He is done with that, thank you. He is quite finished reliving that moment again and again (and again), he has put it behind him, he is a different man now. A stronger man. A man who won’t betray the loyalty he promised so long ago, but who refuses to let his heart back into the mix this time. He wrote a song about it and everything.

Funny how he almost believes it.

“Oh, I’m sure he was always far more…solicitous with you, darling. This is pretty much standard. The apology is new, and I’m a little surprised he’s letting me set up camp unsupervised,” (this is said with an impressively deep eye-roll, of course), “but besides that, yeah.”

He should be offended that he’s surprised to be given that responsibility, probably. He’s actually a remarkably competent traveler, both with company and without, but even towards the end it rarely occurred to Geralt that Jaskier managed to survive by himself for months or years at a time, or that the camp ended up much the same as it started even when he felt the need to redo all of Jaskier’s work, or that he wasn’t the one cooking the food he hunted or patching his own wounds when Jaskier was around. Not even the handful of times their camp was targeted by bandits, and several of them were already dead by the time Geralt got to them, seemed to register. Or all the times he came back addled and injured from a hunt, and Jaskier knew exactly which potions he needed to recover, and where to find them. Jaskier isn’t sure the great White Wolf ever even noticed a difference. He’s once again a little amazed that it took him so long to see it, that those furious words on the mountaintop actually managed to catch him by surprise. Love really is blind, he supposes.

The cave isn’t huge, but there’s enough room for four bedrolls and a small fire pit without having to snuggle up too close to each other, and it’s dry and lacking in horrid smells or angry monsters, so Jaskier has definitely seen worse.

Roach is tied near the cave entrance, under a small overhang jutting out from the rock to provide her some shelter from the elements. He wants to ask what happened to the old Roach, his- well. Not his Roach anymore, he supposes, not for a while, but he was still fond of her. It had taken years to win her over, but they were good friends by the end, he thought. Certainly she was freer with her affection than her rider. (Which, he realizes now, probably had more to do with his dearth of affection actually available than with his crushing emotional incompetence.) It isn’t really his place to ask, not anymore, but he wishes he could. New Roach is fine, she’s admittedly beautiful and probably a lovely animal, but he misses his friend.

Jaskier has the camp fully set up and a small fire going, near enough to the entrance not to fill the cave with smoke, but far enough inside so as not to be easily seen, and Yen has left her mount next to Roach, filled their waterskins, and is finishing up with the last of the wards shielding them from being found or overheard, when Geralt returns bearing…an entire deer. Fucking overachieving cockhead. He’s cleaning that shit himself, Jaskier isn’t interested. It definitely isn’t sexy seeing Geralt stride in, slightly blood-spattered, biceps bulging, thighs flexing, evidence of his prowess slung easily over his shoulders like a king’s mantle…nope. Not sexy at all. Jaskier isn’t even looking. He certainly isn’t biting back an embarrassing whimper.

He turns around hastily to begin rummaging through his pack for his spices and cooking supplies, filched from Kaer Morhen, of course, since all he had on him when Geralt found him in Oxenfurt was his charm and good looks. He wishes he had his lute, but it’s probably in pieces, rotting in a rubbish heap in Redania. He’ll mourn her at some point. Besides, he’s not sure he would be able to stop himself playing Burn, Butcher, Burn just on reflex, so it’s probably for the best.

They eat a decent supper of venison stew, Ciri waking just long enough to scarf down a bowl and collapse back onto her bedroll. Demon possession and Sphere-jumping really seem to take it out of a person.

Yen tosses another silencing charm around Ciri’s bedroll (they’ll fill her in tomorrow- they don’t intend to keep secrets from her but she deserves her sleep) and Geralt gets to work packing the leftover venison in salt for the road, before they both look up at him expectantly with eerily similar, piercing gazes. Violet and gold, a royal combination if ever there was one. Oh, that’s nice actually, there’s a song in there somewhere. Not one he wants to sing, really, but he’ll probably end up writing it at some point anyway.

“Alright, sharing time, I guess. Always figured this was coming eventually. Not that I imagined anything like this, what with the demons and the horrible rock monsters and the dimension hopping and- yes, yes, alright, I’m getting to it. Calm down.” He heaves a sigh. Hopefully they don’t toss him out on his arse after this, or just kill him. He doesn’t think they’d kill him. Would they? No, they wouldn’t. Probably.

“So you know I’m technically Redanian.” Yennefer nods expectantly while Geralt just. Blinks at him. Fucking gods, honestly. “Wow, ok, you really never paid attention at all when I talked, huh? That makes sense, actually. I guess I should have figured that.” He’s staring into the fire to shield the hurt in his eyes, so he misses the matching look on Geralt’s face before he presses on.

“Anyway, yeah, I’m Redanian, from Kerack, Lettenhove to be specific. Seriously? I’ve introduced myself to a dozen people in front of you with my full name, you really never- ok, yeah, right, never mind. Moving on. Julian Pankratz, Viscount de Lettenhove. That’s me. Or, it was. Technically it still is, but I never wanted the title. I never wanted that life. I left for Oxenfurt as soon as I was old enough, and when I graduated I went on the road, and then. Well. Then I met you, and, well, you know. You were there. For the rest. Some of it, anyway. Right. Well, Vizimir, or more likely someone on his council, since Vizimir is about as savvy and creative as a garden slug, and almost as charming, and I’m not sure if Dijkstra was advising him at that point-“ He catches Yennefer’s sharp look at Dijkstra’s name, but barrels on, “-anyway, someone noticed that a minor Redanian noble was doing a lot of very visible traveling all over the Continent and associating with a lot of people the Crown wouldn’t normally have an in with, and figured that would be useful. I think at this point, we’d been traveling together…2? 3 years? Something like that. Long enough that I’d started building a name for myself, definitely. Or, for us, I suppose. That’s why they noticed me in the first place.”

He knows he’s babbling, but there are nerves roiling in his gut like a cauldron, and that feeling has always translated into more words, for him. Like a pressure valve. He pauses and risks a glance at the person whose reaction he’s genuinely worried about.

Yen will understand, she’s been in and out of courts and noble circles and political tangles for decades, she knows how this works. She probably won’t trust him, but he’s fairly sure she doesn’t trust him now, so that’s no great loss. He doesn’t trust her either.

Geralt has a more…rigid concept of morality. In Geralt’s world, there are Right Things and Wrong Things. Sometimes you have to do Wrong Things to prevent Wronger Things, but that doesn’t make them not Wrong. And anything to do with kings and courts is usually Wrong. There’s a good chance Geralt might never forgive him for this, or if he does, he won’t be able to look past Jaskier keeping it from him so long.

Geralt’s eyes are fixed on his face, sharp and intent, and utterly unreadable. Jaskier thought he had gotten pretty good over the years at reading the subtle shifts in Geralt’s expressions- the tiny crinkles around his eyes when he wanted to laugh, the minute furrow between his brows when he was confused, the slight tick in his jaw when he was frustrated- but his face is as blank as new parchment right now, nothing but the glint in his golden eyes that says he’s listening to every word out of Jaskier’s mouth.

What a time for him to start doing that, he thinks bitterly. Decades of tuning him out when he thought they were friends, and now that Jaskier might be driving him away for good (again, a tiny voice whispers viciously), he’s hanging on every syllable.

“I was approached by a member of the royal intelligence service, and told that the king had ordered that I be recruited as a spy. Technically I am still nobility, and as such I’m obligated to obey the crown. And while I would gladly give up all the trappings of my title and never be anyone but Jaskier the bard ever again, at the time there would have been serious consequences for refusing, and not the kind that would fall on me. I’m technically a Lord, and I do have people I’m responsible for. I left people in charge that I trust to take care of them in my stead, but it’s my name they’re working under. And if I refused a direct order from Vizimir, I wouldn’t be the one to suffer for it. It wasn’t an option.”

He doesn’t look up from the fire. He doesn’t want to see the expressions on their faces, so he presses on, heart thumping wildly in his chest.

“I did my best to keep my reports…not vague, exactly, but mostly useless, I guess? Obviously I have no interest in being a part of whatever bullshit Vizimir or any other king feels like stirring up, but I had to send them something. Little stuff, mostly, frivolous gossip from the taverns I played in, details of drama and rivalries I picked up in various courts or nobles’ beds. Sometimes accounts of monster populations or incidents if there was anything especially notable, since they knew that’s a lot of what I was doing with my time. Nothing actionable, but useful enough that I couldn’t be accused of shirking my duties.” He’s suddenly struck with an awful fear, and he looks up desperately into slitted golden eyes. “I never said a word about Ciri, Geralt, you have to believe me. I told them about that night, and I had to mention that Pavetta had magic because there’s no way that wouldn’t get out some other way, but I never said a word about a Witcher claiming a Child Surprise. I would never risk her like that, or you, you have to believe me. Please say you believe me Geralt, whatever you think of me, that I would never betray you like that. Please.”

He knows he sounds frantic, that he must look insane, that he can’t stop his begging mouth like a runaway cart, but the thought of Geralt thinking even for a second that Jaskier would ever put orders from a king he cared nothing for over Geralt’s own life, over the life of a child, is a knife in his gut, twisting and pulling until Jaskier thinks he might vomit if Geralt doesn’t say something.

The blank expression is gone, and Geralt looks somewhat taken aback. His brow furrows a little in what looks like confusion, before settling into resignation, or maybe chagrin. Jaskier thinks for a moment that he sees a brief flash of what almost looks like…grief? That can’t be right…in his eyes, but it’s gone as soon as it appeared, and Jaskier thinks he must have imagined it.

Geralt takes a swig from his waterskin and draws in a deep breath before speaking.

“I wasn’t worried that you betrayed Ciri, Jaskier. I know you would cut off your own arm before you did something like that. I don’t love where it sounds like this story is going, but I promise, I’ll never be concerned about that.”

That’s…well, those are more words than he was expecting, surely. And different words than he was expecting, too. He would assume that Geralt is placating him, to calm him down and get him to finish talking, but he can hear the sincerity in his voice. Geralt’s eyes are almost imploring, as if he’s as anxious for Jaskier to believe him as Jaskier had been to be believed. He…isn’t sure what to do with that, actually.

He knows Geralt came back for him, knows he was at least not lying when he said he missed him (though how much is anyone’s guess), knows he trusts him to travel with his…his little family, to help keep them safe or at least not make things worse, but he never assumed it went beyond that.

Geralt was clear, on that mountain. Even if he’s sorry now, even if he missed having him around, he meant those words at the time, and Jaskier has no illusions that he won’t get to that point again. Geralt may have spat those words in helpless anger, may have turned his ire on someone who had nothing to do with the state he was in at that moment, but Geralt doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. He says plenty of things he regrets, but he always means them at the time. He did, at one point, believe Jaskier to be a curse and a burden, and Jaskier is fully aware that he will come to that belief again, eventually.

He knows what that particular heartbreak feels like, now. He knows he can survive it, even if he wishes he wouldn’t, sometimes. Mostly, he knows that it will always, always be worth it. Geralt will always be worth it.

Gods but he’s a lovesick fool.

But now, instead of cold distain, or fiery wrath, or, worst of all, blank indifference, Geralt is looking at him like…like he’s sorry. Like he’s desperate for Jaskier’s forgiveness. Forgiveness for what? Jaskier is the one who hid the fact that he was a spy for most of their relatio- friendship. Acquaintanceship. Association. Whichever one wouldn’t piss Geralt off. Geralt hasn’t fucked up here, this time at least.

But he could never resist when Geralt asked him like this for anything, with genuine emotion instead grunted contempt, with even the vaguest hint of affection, like maybe Geralt enjoyed spending time with Jaskier, too. Like maybe Jaskier mattered to Geralt, at least a fraction of how much Geralt mattered to Jaskier. Gods above, he’s so weak for this man.

“Ok. Alright, good. That’s good. I’m glad. Thank you. I know I- anyway. Thank you. Right, where was I? Yes, ok, reports. So I kept myself mostly useless for pretty much the whole time we were together. I mean- not. Not together, obviously, but traveling together. As friends. Or not friends. Whatever. What was I saying?” He’s spiraling, fuck, he’s spiraling, he needs to get out of this, how does he get out of this?

Geralt is looking even more confused than before, but Yennefer is definitely laughing at him in her head. Witch. Like she isn’t just as much of a mess for him. She should be on his side! They bonded over this already and everything!

At least the indignation is enough for him to pull out of the whirlpool of awkward babble and self-sabotage he was trapped in, and he manages to right himself.

“Anyway! Ok! So! Right, well, things changed not quite a year ago, now, after the raid on Bleobheris.” He sobers at the memories, the scent of blood and the sound of screams suddenly heavy in the dry air of the cave. “It was…brutal. I’ve never seen anything like that, not in all my years Witchering with you. I wanted to help. I needed to do something, to…fix something. Anything, no matter how small. That’s when I was contacted by an anonymous benefactor, who offered to fund an effort to smuggle refugees to Xin’Trea. Word had spread about Nilfgaard’s alliance with the elves, that they could be safe there.”

“So the Sandpiper was born,” Yennefer says.

“Right. But I don’t like not knowing where my help is coming from and why. I may not have been a very useful spy in Redania’s eyes for the last 20 years, but it actually takes quite a bit of effort to be ineffective without being useless enough to fire or kill, and as it turns out, I’m actually quite good at it. Call it the performer’s heart in me, or something. So I was able to ferret out that the man behind the money was Sigismund Dijkstra, who had managed to get himself appointed spymaster to Vizimir, which, interestingly, made him my employer, as well as my benefactor.”

Yen looks up sharply again at Dijkstra’s name. Jaskier turns to her, curious.

“You’re familiar, I assume?”

“He’s been causing rifts at Aretuza, riling up the Brotherhood,” she says, brow furrowed. “Pretending to bring counsel and information but really just sowing discord. I’m not clear on the details, but I know elves were mentioned. There are those on the council who take issue with my heritage, so I try to keep on top of the rumors. I wasn’t at Aretuza for long, though, and I…didn’t exactly leave on good terms. I haven’t got many friends left there.” Geralt glances at her sympathetically.

Jaskier nods. “That sounds like him. I wouldn’t trust that man to clean my privy, much less provide thousands of crowns, probably from Vizimir’s coffers, for a worthy cause with no expectations of repayment.” He shakes his head. “I kept my suspicions to myself, though, the network needed the coin and regardless of his motivations, we really were helping people. I wasn’t going to let that go to waste.

“I guess, with me finally settling in one place for so long, and probably Dijkstra feeling like I owed him for the funding, even though I wasn’t meant to know it was him, they started expecting more from me, in terms of intelligence. I didn’t really have a choice, since now they always knew where to find me if they wanted to cause me problems, and besides, Dijkstra was already privy to the network’s efforts anyway as the main benefactor, so I figured it was mostly alright that I’ve had to give more…comprehensive reports to Vizimir the last several months.

“Since Cintra fell, most people know about Ciri, or at least that she’s on the game-board somehow. There are rumors of Nilfgaard searching for a Witcher, so I’m sure some people have put together that you’re involved somehow, but I don’t think too many of the courts, at least, have details. Just that Nilfgaard wants her and maybe there’s a Witcher involved. I made sure not to include too much information that they didn’t already have, but I can’t say for sure what every Northern king knows, or what the Brotherhood knows.” He glances at Yen, who shakes her head and shrugs.

“Anyway, so that’s the meat of it. The concern is that since I became an actual useful asset for them, they’ve been keeping a much closer eye on me. That’s why I was worried about the wards.”

“Alright, I can understand all of that,” Geralt cuts in. “I don’t like that you kept it from me, but I can’t fault your choices. You’re right that we can’t have them sniffing around you, not with Ciri in your orbit.” He frowns. “Would it be possible for you just…fall off the map? Disappear? Redania can’t demand anything from a missing viscount.”

Jaskier winces a little. “I would love to do that, the problem being that Dijkstra works closely with Tretogor’s court mage, who has the charming little talent of transforming into a bird whenever she wants.”

Yen’s eyebrows both go up this time. “Phillipa? She’s quite impressive. A little too entrenched in political intrigue for my taste, but I can’t deny she’s talented. Tissaia speaks very highly of her, certainly.”

She looks thoughtful as she gazes at him over the fire. “You’re worried she’s following you, then? For information on Geralt, since everyone knows Jaskier the Bard is the man to talk to if you want to know about Witchers.”

Her tone is…teasing? Is she teasing him? First hugging, and now teasing? Yeah, he’s not dealing with that right now. He sticks out his tongue at her (he does still have a bantering streak to uphold, after all) before nodding.

“I don’t know for sure if she was in Oxenfurt when Geralt broke me out. I don’t think so, but I certainly wasn’t combing every tree for owls, and there’s no chance of me noticing her out here in the woods. I’m just hoping that if she were around now, you’d sense her, Yen, and that she wasn’t able to bring back anything about Ciri or Geralt or Kaer Morhen to Dijkstra. Or you, either, since the Brotherhood are so unhappy with you.”

Yen looks surprised and very slightly pleased to be included in Jaskier’s concern. Or at least Jaskier thinks that’s the expression he can parse under her normal very scary murder face, which he finds is almost a relief to see. The soft regret and concern of recent weeks has been…unsettling. The sun rises, the rain falls, Yennefer of Vengerberg is gorgeous, aloof, and terrifying. This is the natural order.

Geralt is wearing a pensive expression, frowning slightly at where Ciri lies, sleeping peacefully. Dear girl, Jaskier hopes she isn’t having any nightmares. She’s been through hell lately, and she’s always had trouble sleeping anyway. Jaskier wonders if he can find the name of that tea Mousesack used to give her to help her sleep. Jaskier even tried it once or twice, when winter nights in Cintra without his Witcher’s soft, even breaths became too much; the stuff worked wonders.

“Alright,” he says eventually, nodding. “I’ll see if I can go to Redania myself, and leave you two with Ciri until I can get back. We’ll keep our campsites warded if we can, Yen, I don’t want you to wear yourself out, but some protection would probably be best. Are you able to see if you can sense anyone from here, or do you need to go outside the wards?”

“I’ll do a lap around the area, but there’s a chance anyone who is out there will sense me as soon as I start casting about. It would be best if you all stayed here, to protect Ciri in case someone actually has come for her.”

“I don’t like any of us going out alone, Yen, especially with the express intention of seeking out danger. I should go with you.” Geralt makes to stand and grab his swords from beside his seat, but Yennefer waves him back down.

“You’d only distract me, and besides, do you want to leave the totally untrained sorceress and the normal human alone here?” Jaskier makes an affronted squawking noise.

“Hey! I’m plenty competent, thank you!” He prudently ignores the minor inaccuracy of his humanity, and instead huffs at the matching incredulous looks he receives. “Rude. Honestly, I get no respect around here. I survived just fine on my own for years, you know! Besides, I traveled with a reckless idiot Witcher for 20 years, you pick up more than you’d think.” He glares at them both until Yen smirks and Geralt looks baffled and vaguely offended, but at least they both look away, which is an improvement.

Until the two of them end up in a stare off, clearly having some sort of emphatic conversation with their eyes alone, and Jaskier has to turn away to start putting away the cooking supplies they won’t need for breakfast tomorrow. He’s warming up to Yennefer, much to his chagrin, but he’s had quite enough of watching the man he loves eyefuck someone else, for this lifetime and the next, thanks ever so.

He hears Geralt huff, a sound he recognizes as him realizing whoever he’s arguing with is just going to do as they please anyway, and he might as well make the best of it.

He made that sound at Jaskier a lot. Usually when he talked his way into coming along on hunts, but really any time Jaskier wanted something from him beyond some seared rabbit, a fire to sleep beside, and monosyllabic grunts in response to questions (if he was lucky)- a night at an inn, a stop at a local festival, an actual hot bath with herbs and flowers and scented oils. Arms to hold him on especially cold nights, when blankets weren’t enough to warm (mostly) human skin.

Jaskier used to think it was cute. A game, just for the two of them, Jaskier pushing, Geralt pulling, or the other way around, always meeting in the middle (or, more often, closer to Jaskier’s side) with what Jaskier had always assumed was mutual amusement and affection. He knows better now.

There’s the telltale swish of Yennefer’s skirts, a strange popping sensation in his ears, and then the feeling of the wards coming back up behind her.

The silencing spell around Ciri is still up, as far as he knows, and she’s dead to the world besides, so it’s just him and Geralt now.

It isn’t the first time they’ve been alone since Oxenfurt, but it is the first time since Jaskier was invited (by Ciri, it should be noted, not Geralt) to travel with them as a companion, not as backup.

That one still stings, if he’s honest. He held out hope for months that Geralt would come back for him, would seek him out with a stuttered apology (or more likely a silently offered ale and an invitation to come with him to his next hunt). Maybe at a tavern, or the Seat of Friendship, or even a ball or musical competition where Jaskier was playing. He knows how much Geralt hates getting dressed up, how much it would have meant for him to go to that effort just to see Jaskier.

He imagined seeing him sitting silently in the back of one of his lectures one day, watching the lesson with quiet affection and waiting for him to be finished so they could talk. Imagined hearing the sound of Roach’s hooves coming up behind him on some backroad to nowhere while he strummed his lute in the sunshine.

He imagined a thousand different reunions, a thousand apologies, a thousand ways for them to turn back the clock. (During some of the longer nights, when he was alone in his rooms staring out at the moon through the window, wondering if Geralt was lying on his bedroll in a forest clearing somewhere staring up at the same moon, he imagined a thousand different love confessions. But he has no intention of admitting that to anyone but his own foolish heart. He may be a bard, and a hopeless romantic, but there’s no need to bare all of his weeping wounds, especially when there’s no hope of healing them.)

For all his daydreaming, he never imagined that Geralt would seek him out only when he needed an extra set of hands and all his other options were exhausted. Never imagined he would be not just a tool to be used, but the last resort as well.

He shouldn’t be surprised, after everything, but the knowledge that he was never really anything else to Geralt still aches like a broken rib, flashes of pain shooting through his chest with every inhale.

This is the first time they’ve been alone together without an immediate crisis, without a clearly defined mission beyond the open road, just like it used to be.

Except nothing like it used to be, because how it used to be is gone. It will never be that way again. Geralt burned those memories down, with words as sharp as swords and as destructive as dragon fire.

Jaskier has no fucking idea how to deal with this.

“Jas-“ Geralt cuts off and clears his throat. Jaskier can hear him gulping from his waterskin before trying again. “Jaskier.”

“Yes?” He tries to keep his voice light, but he doesn’t turn around.

“Jaskier, can we. Can we talk? Please?”

It’s the ‘please’ that does it. Geralt so rarely says please. Jaskier may need more than his fingers to count the times he’s heard it directed at him, but he can still remember each one in perfect clarity. Besides, they had more than 20 years together, “more than 10” is still not exactly a stellar ratio.

Jaskier’s resolve breaks (did he ever really have any? Has he ever had any when it comes to this man?) and he turns, schooling his face into something meant to look bright and open. He’s not sure how well it works. “Of course, Geralt. What’s on your mind?”

“I-“ Geralt looks…lost. He looks like he has absolutely no idea how to get where he’s going, and it’s killing him. Jaskier crumbles.

“You’ve already apologized, Geralt, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve forgiven you. You were angry, you needed a target, I was there. It’s behind us.” He looks at the fire, for lack of anything else that isn’t Geralt’s stupid awful gorgeous face, wishing desperately he had his lute. He never felt awkward with his lute. Never rubbed anxious circles around his calluses for lack of anything to do with his hands. Never sat in a silence so painful he wondered if his ears would bleed.

Geralt lets out a breath like he’s trying to remember how. “That’s not. I mean it is. But. I. Fuck.” Jaskier looks up from the fire to see him scrubbing a hand through his hair in an uncharacteristic display of emotion. The adorable fool manages to get his hand tangled in the locks when he forgets about the band holding half of it back from his face.

“Oh for Melitele’s sake- stop moving, you lug, I’ll fix it. You’re going to tear it out in chunks if you keep pulling like that, just hold still, or I’ll have to rewrite all the songs to be about The Bald Wolf instead. Ye gods, Geralt, how did you survive without me? Honestly.” He’s across the cave and kneeling behind Geralt on the other side of the fire before he consciously registers the decision to move. Fucking hells, even his own body is against him.

He has his hands in Geralt’s (soft, silky, gorgeous) hair, untangling it gently from where it’s wound itself tightly around his (scarred, strong, beautiful) fingers. He thinks he hears Geralt’s breath catch, but he’s too distracted trying to keep his own lungs working at all to focus on it.

Once Geralt’s hand is free (and does Geralt seem as reluctant to let go and put his hand back in his lap as Jaskier is to let him?) Jaskier sets to work on the much more finicky task of removing the band without pulling half of Geralt’s hair out with it, which would honestly be a crime against…well, anyone with eyes really. Jaskier may be in love with him, but he’s also seen a truly exorbitant number of beautiful people across the continent, many of them naked, so he thinks he’s fairly qualified when he says that Geralt is one of the most singularly stunning people on the face of the earth, bias or not. Especially now that he seems to be taking better care of his hair than he used to when Jaskier wasn’t around.

Jaskier is actually rather shocked at how well-kept Geralt is. His hair is smooth and soft and clean, and smells like…is that apple blossom? That’s one of Jaskier’s favorite scents. It never fails to make him feel light and warm, like spring sunshine. He uses it in his own hair more often than the other oils he carries.

Back when washing Geralt’s hair for him was an occasional but deeply treasured privilege of his, Jaskier used to use it for him, as well. That Geralt has somehow, for some reason, gotten some of his own to use during their separation…it makes something warm and fragile stir in Jaskier’s chest. Warm and fragile and dangerous. Hope is easily crushed, and when it is, it takes everything else down with it. Jaskier isn’t doing that again. Not so soon.

He finishes detaching the tie as efficiently as he can, and hands it over Geralt’s shoulder before sitting back on his heels and exhaling violently.

“There you are darling, all fixed. Now,-“

“I didn’t.” Geralt interrupts him, whisper quiet but still somehow deafening over the crackling fire.

“What?”

“Survive without you. I didn’t. Or, I guess I should say I did, but that’s all I did.”

Jaskier has, for once, absolutely no idea what to say, so he tries something new, and says nothing. He’s barely even sure he’s breathing, staring at the back of Geralt’s head and all his moonlit hair like he’s staring into the jaws of a barghest as he waits to see if he will continue.

He does, words falling out of him in a rush like a river pouring through a broken dam, desperate in a way Jaskier has never heard him before.

“I knew I’d fucked up, on the mountain. As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew it. It’s like. It’s like I was a bottle of juice, gone off, going ranker and ranker until the cork flies right out and takes someone’s eye out. I thought I was angry at Borch, at Yen, at Calanthe, at fucking Destiny, at everything. Even you, who hadn’t done one thing wrong. But really it was just me. I was just angry at myself, and there’s. There’s not. There isn’t anywhere for that kind of anger to go. It just builds up and up and up until it explodes, and you with it, and I knew I was going to let it out at someone. And then you were there, and you were trying to help. Like always. You always help. You make everything better, like you were just trying to make me feel better. But I was so angry, and it was all my fault, it was all my stupid selfish choices, the djinn, the wish, Ciri, all of it my fault, and I didn’t deserve to feel better. I didn’t deserve it and I had to make you stop and so. I did. I did it on purpose. I did it because I knew that was the thing to say that would hurt you the most. That would make me a monster like I know I am. Monsters are easy. Easier than mistakes and bad choices. So I made another bad choice and hurt someone else and decided to be a monster.”

There might be tears streaming down Jaskier’s face, but he can’t tell because he can’t breathe, can��t think, can’t hear anything but the rushing in his ears and Geralt’s voice ripping into him with savage, gentle claws.

“Once Yen was gone- It’s hard to think with her around, sometimes. It’s the wish, I think. Everything else gets duller, quieter, a little out of focus. Like in a dream when the only thing you can see clearly is the person you know the dream is about, the person you’re supposed to talk to.” Oh this…this is actually torture. Geralt might actually be killing him because he still can’t fucking breathe and he just keeps talking.

“It’s better now. Maybe it’s Ciri, my Destiny is split between them now so it’s not so overwhelming. Or maybe Ciri is her Destiny too, and now that we’ll always have her, the both of us, the wish doesn’t need to force us to be in love for us to stay nearby. I don’t know. It’s easier now, though. And even easier when you’re here.”

Wait, what? Now Jaskier knows he’s dead, or dying, or hallucinating, or something, because there’s no way that means what he wants it to mean.

“After Yen left, my head started to clear. Things came back into focus. I realized what I’d done, but suddenly I could also see that it wasn’t just what I yelled at you. It was so much more, so much deeper. I had been so awful to you, for so long, and you just. Took it. All of it. Everything I had, all my anger and my fear and my loneliness. You just let me. You always came back. You kept choosing me, even when I was cruel. I was ashamed, but I also thought…” He breaks off with a great shuddering breath, his head hanging.

Jaskier feels a little like he’s floating. Like he can see his body, kneeling there in the dirt behind Geralt, staring at his sculpted shoulderblades with a blind, devastated look on his tear-streaked face. How odd.

Geralt, somehow, impossibly, keeps going. This is more words than Jaskier has heard him say in the last two decades. This is more words than he knew Geralt was capable of saying. Where are all these words coming from?

It’s like all this time, he had been saving these. Stockpiling them, though for what Jaskier can’t begin to guess. A rainy day? An emergency? This? And now the doors of the granary have come loose and the winter stores are flooding the yard and Jaskier thinks he might end up buried alive.

“I thought you’d come back.” Geralt’s voice is thicker, somehow, and oh, gods, is he crying? “I thought you would come back, like before, like always, and it would be ok. And I would try to be better. I would try to be the man you thought I was. And it would be ok. But you-“ He cuts off with another great shuddering breath, and seems to center himself. “You didn’t come back. And that’s when I realized I had finally gone too far.”

Jaskier has been trying to process all of these many, many, many, mostly incomprehensible words, and he’s maybe fallen a little bit behind, because he hears himself cut in with an incredulous “Wait, are you saying that every time you were rude or dismissive to me, it wasn’t just because you don’t know how to conduct yourself in a normal friendship because you’ve never had one, but actually because you knew you were being cruel and you knew you could get away with it because I would always come back?”

Geralt’s head hangs even lower, and Jaskier has to strain to hear his gravelly whispered reply.

“Yes. Maybe not consciously, or in so many words, but yes.”

Jaskier flounders for a moment, wounds he spent the last year trying to close tearing back open even wider than before.

“All this time? You thought so little of me, all this time? I was just a- a- a practice dummy? Something that won’t fight back or feel pain, so you can hit it has hard or as many times as you want?” His voice began at a whisper, to match Geralt’s, but has gotten steadily louder and more tear-filled the more he speaks.

“No, that isn’t-“

“I can’t- I’m not- I need a moment. Please, Geralt I need- Please.” He can’t keep sitting this close to him, feeling his body heat just as warm as the fire he’s blocking Jaskier from, can’t keep listening to his low rumbling voice, like thunder and gravel and home, like a silver sword through the midsection. Not when the pain and the anger and the hope are all bleeding together and he doesn’t know how to feel them properly and he still can’t fucking breathe.

Geralt’s breath hitches, a tiny little wisp of sound, and Jaskier is going to fucking lose it.

“Please, Geralt.” It comes out in a broken whisper, which is more revealing than Jaskier was hoping, but it’s not like he’s managed to hide anything anyway, so it hardly matters.

Geralt nods, back still to Jaskier in front of the fire, and stands smoothly to walk over to a corner near the entrance, where he can see all four bedrolls and the cave mouth clearly. Ready to protect. Always ready to defend. He sinks to his knees and his breathing takes on the familiar cadence of meditation.

Jaskier takes a moment to look at him. At the way his hands are clutched a little tighter on his thighs than they normally would be while he mediates, like he hasn’t managed to purge all the fear from his body the way he has his mind. At the new scars he can see on his forearms and one snaking over his collarbone, scars that Jaskier wasn’t there to bandage and fuss over. At the way his hair spills over his shoulders, still tousled from Jaskier’s fingers. At the single tear track carving a path down one marble cheek.

Jaskier sucks in a breath and turns away before he breaks down and Yen comes back to find him catatonic on the ground.

He ends up standing at the mouth of the cave, stroking New Roach’s neck and petting his hands through her glossy mane gently. Her slow breathing and the familiar warm, earthy smell of horse help ground him, bring him back from that awful frantic-floating feeling, where he was nowhere and trapped all at once.

He chatters to her quietly, just like he did to her predecessor. She, at least, warms up to him much more quickly.

A warm, black nose thumps gently into his chest. “Yes, my love, I know I need to protect my heart. I’m trying! Can’t you see how hard I’m trying?” She nickers softly, more of a puff of breath than a proper sound.

“Well aren’t we feeling smug this evening, sweet thing.” Another thump. “It’s alright darling, I don’t blame you. I think I’m ridiculous, too. I just don’t know how to fix it.” He strokes a hand down her forehead, scritching lightly.

“No, me either. You know what the problem is, don’t you?” She lips at his hair, which he takes as an invitation to continue.

His voice is even quieter now, the barest thread of a whisper, quiet enough that even Geralt might not overhear if he comes out of meditation. “The problem is that I’ve spent all this time coming up with plans and strategies and contingencies for not giving my heart away again, when the truth is I don’t think I ever got it back in the first place.”

He rests his forehead against hers in defeat, tears falling silently again. He’s going to dehydrate at this point, but what does he care when he has a beautiful lady providing him such warm, solid comfort right here?

“I have to say, songbird, this is not what I expected to find when I came back tonight.”

Jaskier does not flail. He is a professional performer, he has immaculate control over his body at all times. And he definitely doesn’t squeak, no bard would ever be caught dead making such an undignified noise unintentionally.

So no, he neither flails nor squeaks, and if New Roach gets very slightly spooked and a lot disgruntled, it was from Yennefer sneaking up out of bloody nowhere like a wraith in the night, and certainly nothing Jaskier did. If either of them say different, they’re lying.

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Is this your plan to kill me and make it look like an accident? I’ll tell Ciri, she’ll come after you with her dagger, see if she doesn’t. Ciri likes me. Ciri would avenge me.” He’s clutching his chest, heartbeat gradually beginning to slow.

New Roach is still giving him a dubious look. That’s rude, this is hardly his fault. It’s Yen she should be grumpy with.

“Well, I was rather hoping that by this point in the evening, you wouldn’t need a miniature Witcherling-sorceress to defend you, since you’d have your big strong Witcher back, but somehow things seem to have gotten worse in my absence. Did he not manage to tell you his real feelings? Bloody Witchers, trust him to be resistant to my recipe, it’s never bloody failed before, if he’s made this worse somehow I’m going to bloody dissect him to figure out where I went wrong-“ She continues muttering darkly while Jaskier stares at her in shock.

His mind is valiantly trying to shake off enough of the lingering fog of tears to pull some of those threads together and figure out what the fuck she’s talking about.

Recipe? Real feelings? Make what worse? Did she…did she dose him with something? Did she put a fucking spell on his Witcher? He might have to have Ciri stab her after all, since he has no illusions about his own abilities to take her in a fight.

“What the fuck are you talking about, witch? What did you give him? What the fuck did you do? I’ll kill you myself you vicious little shrew, see if I don’t!”

She waves a hand dismissively, scoffing at his threats. Admittedly he is not at his best, though in his defense it’s hard to adopt a proper fighting stance when you’ve just spent half an hour kneeling in the dirt while your still-beating heart was slowly diced into bite-sized pieces. Tough on the knees, you know.

“Please, you should be thanking me. It was fucking exhausting, these last few weeks, watching you two throw longing glances back and forth when you think no one’s looking. I’m just trying to help things along.”

“Help- what? What things? Help things along how?” He’s trying very hard to hold onto his righteous anger at her for (possibly?) drugging the man he loves, but she keeps saying things that dredge up that dangerous warm feeling from before, and he’s losing his resolve.

“Nothing sinister, songbird. I’m done with that, I’m on the side of the White Knights now, remember? Have a little faith in me, for Lilit’s sake.” She rolls her eyes, but either he’s getting better at reading her or she’s making an effort to be easier to read, because he can feel the sincerity in her words. “We both know all that nonsense about Witchers not feeling is horseshit, yes?” He nods. Obviously it is, Geralt feels more deeply than anyone he’s ever met. “But I know you also understand how much he struggles to make sense of what he’s feeling, or to make himself heard when he does.”

She’s right about that, too. Jaskier knows the emotions are there, has always known, since the moment he saw Geralt in that tavern in Posada. But he’s watched Geralt get lost in the tangle of feelings inside him so thoroughly that all the words get stuck and nothing comes out. He’s seen it happen hundreds of times. That’s part of why he’s always wanted to badly to sing about him, to tell the world what Geralt can’t, to be the words when he can’t find them.

Yen gestures to the corner where Geralt is still meditating peacefully. “I didn’t do anything to his feelings. Couldn’t if I tried, that’s not really how my magic works, anyway. But I knew there are things he’s been wanting to say, and he’s been suffering for not knowing how. And as antagonistic as we may be, I don’t actually hate you nearly so much these days, and I find myself discomfited by your very obvious pining, as well.” Well, that’s…actually quite sweet. And rather disquieting, if he’s honest.

“So I gave him something to help him articulate himself. It won’t make him say anything he doesn’t want to, won’t force him to reveal any truths against his will or create any feelings that weren’t already there. It just…smooths the way. Untangles all those knots in his head so something coherent can make it out of his mouth. But you two aren’t cuddled up by the fire making me want to vomit, which means it didn’t fucking work, and I have to figure out why!” She looks rather like she would huff and stomp her foot at this, if the great and powerful Yennefer of Vengerberg would ever stoop to something so childish.

Jaskier thinks very hard about the last hour or so of his life. He thinks about Geralt saying “please,” and he thinks about the way all those words fell out of him and just kept coming and coming and coming, like a pot boiling over, piling up in a heap at Jaskier’s feet. He thinks about Geralt crying.

“Well- uh. Hmm. You know, it occurs to me now- it’s funny really, I think you’ll laugh, definitely laugh, not look at me with that petrifying glare you’ve got on right now, no you’ll be laughing I’m quite sure- Alright, yes, ok! Yes! Right, well, um. I think, looking at recent events, fresh eyes and all that you know- I’m just saying, it would have been helpful to have some of this information going in, is all- Ow! Melitele’s tits, that hurt! Do those nails come standard at Aretuza, or were you just born lucky? Ouch! Ok, ok, stop pinching me, witch! Like I was saying, with the benefit of this new information, I think it’s possible your magical intervention whosit thingy may have worked exactly as expected?”

She narrows her eyes. “If it worked, why are you crying to a horse instead of snuggling with your man?” His man. That can’t be right. Can it? Geralt isn’t his. Except. Except for all the things he sounded like he might be gearing up to say when Jaskier cut him off. Fuck.

“I, uh. I maybe. I maybe stopped him partway through and told him I needed a break?” He winces back as her already truly impressive glare intensifies even further- yep, she’s still got it.

“I did not go to all the effort of brewing that fucking potion, tailoring it for Witcher metabolisms, and making it fucking tasteless and odorless so he would drink it, not to mention standing out here in the fucking woods in the middle of the night with nothing to fucking do, just so you could chicken out halfway through getting everything you ever fucking wanted.” Her eyes are glowing violet now, which is. Wow. Scary. She’s so scary. He remembers now why he always thought she was so so scary. She jabs her finger towards the kneeling figure by the wall. “Get the fuck back in there and finish the damn conversation, bard,” she hisses. “I will not deal with this bullshit all the way to the Redanian border.”

She turns to leave again, and Jaskier shoots out a hand to stop her. She looks at his hand on her elbow and he briefly worries he’s going to end the night as a slug of some kind, but she just looks up at him questioningly.

“I just. Fuck. I know- I know this probably wasn’t easy for you. You know I know better than most what you’re feeling right now. But you’re helping anyway, so. Thank you, Yennefer. Even if it doesn’t go like you think, like I hope, you were willing to try even though it hurts, so thank you.” He isn’t sure what his face is doing, but he hopes she can see how genuinely grateful he is.

She smiles a little sadly. “Come on, songbird, We both know he was never really mine. And besides, I’m not the settling down type. Now go, don’t make me curse you.” She shoots him what would be a very passable glare if it weren’t for the slight glimmer of tears in her eyes, then spins on her heel and stalks off into the night.

He turns back to the cave, hesitating for a single moment before there’s an irritated huff, a nip to the sleeve of his jacket, and a frankly unnecessarily forceful shove to his back. He glares back at Roach, who seems unperturbed. “I’ve got entirely too many black-haired gorgeous women trying to run my life right now, do you hear me? Too many!” Roach huffs again. “Fine. I’m going, are you happy?” He takes another step and looks over his shoulder. She looks smug. Of course she does. “I think you’re just the old Roach reincarnated. Never seen another horse look so damn satisfied with herself,” he mutters, but he’s already heading back into the cave, so he figures she’s won this round.

He feels slightly guilty about grabbing Geralt’s waterskin before going to him, but he isn’t sure how long Yen’s potion lasts, or if meditating will have burned more of it off. Maybe it’s disingenuous to give him more without telling him what’s in it, but, weirdly, he trusts Yen when she says it won’t force Geralt to do or say anything he doesn’t want to, and Jaskier isn’t sure he’ll ever get to hear the words otherwise. He’ll tell him afterwards. He won’t keep this secret forever.

He sits down quietly next to Geralt, leaning up against the wall of the cave. He takes one deep breath, then another, and another. He rests his fingers gently on Geralt’s hand where it sits on his thigh. Geralt’s breathing gradually picks up until he’s back to almost his normal, slow rhythm. His eyes open, landing on Jaskier’s hand on his and following the line of his arm back up to his face.

Jaskier hands him the waterskin, and Geralt takes it with a nod of gratitude before taking a long drink. “I’m alright now,” Jaskier says. “I’m sorry I stopped you.

Geralt searches his face, eyes searching Jaskier’s for signs of dishonesty. Apparently finding none, he nods slightly, golden eyes closing again for a moment. When they open, he’s not looking at Jaskier any longer.

Jaskier looks at his hand, fingertips still resting ever so lightly on Geralt’s palm, and considers taking it back. He thinks about what Geralt has told him so far tonight, about the conviction in Yen’s voice when she insisted Geralt had feelings for him. Fuck it, he decides, and lays his hand more firmly in Geralt’s, lacing their fingers together. Geralt draws in a sharp breath and looks up at him in shock, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he grips Jaskier’s hand tighter, like he’s worried Jaskier is going to try to run.

“I know you,” Jaskier says slowly. “I’ve known you for more than half my life, and I know that you aren’t cruel, or callous, or unkind. I know that there is always a reason behind the things you say, and the things you do, even if no one else can see it.” He swallows hard, closing his eyes briefly. Geralt squeezes his hand lightly, which…helps, actually. It helps a lot. “I’m sorry I accused you of hurting me on purpose, for the sake of causing me pain. I was overwhelmed and having trouble processing things, but I shouldn’t have jumped to a conclusion I know wasn’t true. If you still want to talk, I’m ready to listen now.”

“It wasn’t an illogical conclusion to draw. And it wasn’t even completely wrong.” His voice is calmer than before, measured and even. Not as frantic. The river is still flowing free, but it’s calmed, no longer the violent rush of a broken dam. He sighs, a great, world-weary thing. “It was because you’re safe.” Jaskier looks at him quizzically.

Geralt draws in another deep breath before continuing. “I can’t ever show emotion. Not to humans. Not anger, or fear, or sometimes even joy. The myths about Witchers not having feelings…they aren’t just vicious rumors made up by bigots. They’re there to protect us. From them.”

Jaskier frowns. “You mean Witchers put that rumor out yourselves? But why?” Surely demonstrating how human Witchers really are can only help matters, right?

“In a way.” Geralt tilts his head in the way Jaskier knows means he’s remembering something long past. “It’s part of how we’re trained. We’re taught to suppress emotion, to hide it from everyone, including ourselves. It’s how we’ve done things for 400 years.” His thumb sweeps little arcs across the back of Jaskier’s hand, and Jaskier’s heart trips in his chest. He knows Geralt can probably hear it, but it must not worry him and he keeps talking.

“The first Witchers were experiments. Men twisted by mages hoping to combat the monsters that plagued the world. The process has been…refined, since then. At first, they really were- well. More monster than man.” Geralt tips his head back against the rock wall. “Humans were terrified of them. One and all, right down to their bones. The first Witchers didn’t take contracts, because no humans would even speak with them. They just wandered around until they found a monster to kill, and then moved on to the next. Eventually, people started to realize that Witchers were only killing monsters, and leaving humans be, so they slowly started reaching out for help.”

“Ungrateful sods, the lot of them,” Jaskier mutters, and hears Geralt’s quiet huff of laughter in response.

“You’re. You’re so special, do you know that?” Jaskier jerks his head up in surprise to see Geralt’s eyes on his face, liquid gold lit like sunrise by the light of the fire, a tiny smile playing around his lips. “You’ve never been afraid of me. Not once. Not even when the only things you knew about me were that I scowled a lot and I had two very scary swords.” Jaskier flushes at the reminder of the babble that spilled out of his mouth the moment he laid eyes on the single most attractive person he had ever seen in his 18 years of life.

He drops his eyes, knowing there’s no hiding the blush on his cheeks but ignoring it as hard as he can anyway. “What’s there to be scared of? You’re a puppy, not a wolf.” He expects a grumble, or a glare, or for Geralt to ignore him completely. Certainly not the bark of laughter that would have woken Ciri were it not for Yen’s charm. He stares at Geralt’s face, firelight flickering over pale skin, honest joy written in the curve of his mouth, and grins back helplessly.

“You’re the only one who’s ever thought that. Except maybe Eskel.” He laughs again, more quietly this time, then sobers slightly. “Humans are afraid of us. They always have been. Less now, since you,” he squeezes Jaskier’s hand again and Jaskier flushes even darker, “but the first Witchers were barely more than feral, and that impression…stuck. Humanity never got past it. Even when new generations of Witchers were made, when we became something closer to men than to monsters, their fear never went away. Any emotion, even the faintest irritation, was enough to make most humans think a Witcher was about to go berserk, to start tearing out the throats of anyone who got too close. So, we learned to shut them down.”

His eyes are downcast now, and Jaskier thinks of a tiny Geralt, just a boy, younger than Ciri, excited about the world, curious and clever and mischievous, thinks about him learning to hide his heart away until even he couldn’t find it anymore, and he wants to scream. He wants to cry, he wants to rage, he wants to find every human who ever judged a Witcher by his eyes and not his deeds and mount their heads on spikes. He wants to tear out their hearts and make them watch as he throws them on the pyre, burning them out like so many boys were made to burn out their own.

Geralt can smell his turmoil, he knows, and he clings to the comfort offered when he holds Jaskier’s hand as tightly as he can without hurting him, still tracing circles into his skin with his thumb.

“It isn’t safe, to have feelings. Humans may spit on a mutant with a heart of stone, but they’ll hunt and kill a monster with teeth they think will harm them. It’s safer to be cold, to be hard. To let all of it roll off of us like snow off a mountain. And after a while, you forget how to be anything else. You forget that it’s a lie, that it’s something you had to learn. You start to believe it too.” There are tears dripping off of Jaskier’s nose now, but he doesn’t dare interrupt again. “I had forgotten, until you.”

He looks at Jaskier with such naked feeling in his fiery eyes that Jaskier can’t fathom how anyone could believe this man has no heart. “You made me feel. You walked into my life and just-“ He huffs another low laugh, the faraway look on his face impossibly fond. “You just didn’t listen to a fucking thing I said. Ever! Not once! And it drove me up the godsdamned wall. I was going out of my mind, I was so fucking annoyed. You never stopped talking, or singing, or playing that damn lute, you never stayed out of the way on hunts like I told you to, you ignored me whenever I said I didn’t have feelings or I didn’t need anyone or we weren’t friends. And you wouldn’t leave! You just kept coming back, no matter how much of an arse I was, even when I acted in ways that would have made other humans shit themselves, or come after me with torches and pitchforks, or both. You just kept coming back, and you kept not believing me when I told you I was a monster, and you never smelled fucking afraid, and after a while I realized that irritated wasn’t the only thing you made me feel anymore.”

He seems to withdraw into himself a little, his shoulders hunching and his head hanging slightly. He tries to withdraw his hand, but Jaskier isn’t sure he can get through this conversation without it, so he hopes Geralt will forgive him for pushing yet more boundaries and simply holds onto him tighter.

Geralt sighs again, but stops pulling away. “But there’s still so much shit in the world. There are so many humans who hate me, or fear me, or try to cheat me, or who end up being monsters worse than the ones they want me to kill, and the problem with having it smacked over my head that I do actually have feelings, is that it makes it so much harder to ignore them. And there’s so much anger in me, Jaskier, and grief, and loneliness. And I can’t ever show it to anyone, or it will confirm everything they think they know about me. It will make me a monster. It will make me the Butcher all over again.” He looks up again, his expression anguished. “You’re the only one who’s safe. You’re the only one I can be angry around, or sad, or scared, or just annoyed, without thinking the worst of me. You’re the only one who ever comes back.”

Jaskier is back to feeling like his heart is being fed through a sieve, but he thinks he understands what Geralt is trying to say this time. He feels a renewed rush of guilt for assuming the worst of him before. Is he any better than the rest, jumping to the foulest possible conclusion while Geralt wrestles with his tongue to try and make him understand? He turns his head away, closing his eyes against the tears and trying to breathe through the shame.

Fingers grip his chin gently and coax his head back until he’s looking into Geralt’s slitted eyes again. The look on his face is so soft, so open, that Jaskier feels like his ribs are being pried apart at the sight of it. “You have no idea how much of a blessing you have actually been in my life, Jaskier,” and those words just crack his chest wide open and bare his heart to the whole room, don’t they? “I took advantage of you. I wanted so badly to have someone in my life I could show all the darkest parts of myself to, without them running away, that I forgot to show you the rest. And I forgot to help carry your darkness in return. I left you with such a burden, Jaskier, and you never once complained or asked me to help. You have done nothing but give, for as long as I’ve known you, and I wish I could show you how sorry I am that I was content for so long just to take.” Jaskier is pretty sure he’s openly sobbing now, but Geralt is sliding his hand up from his chin to cup his cheek, sweeping the tears away with his thumb, so it’s probably ok.

“Let me make it up to you, Jaskier. Let me be the one to give to you for once. Let me carry your burdens for a while. Let me give you a reason to forgive me. A reason to come back.” His eyes are pools of molten gold, wide and dark and shining with- emotion. An emotion. Jaskier isn’t going to hazard a guess at which emotion, because he isn’t sure he can handle the answer.

“I’ve already forgiven you, you great lummox. For all of it. A safe place is all I ever wanted to be for you. I only ever wanted to give you a home. Like you gave me. Just- just share it with me next time, please? The anger, or the fear? Share it with me first, instead of letting it fester and burn us both. That’s all I need from you.”

Geralt’s hand on his cheek guides him forward until their faces are inches from each other, foreheads resting together. Jaskier’s eyes want to close but he can’t bear to look away, too afraid this is all an impossible dream that will disappear as soon as he opens them again. He can see the way the firelight glimmers off his silver hair, the scars through his eyebrow, the tears clinging to his eyelashes as they sweep gently over his cheeks. He’s never seen anything so beautiful in his life.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever deserved you, but I would do anything for the chance to try to be someone who does. I’m yours, Jaskier. You need only say you’ll have me.”

Jaskier is a man of words. He’s a bard, words are his trade, his weapons, the blood in his veins. No matter what else is happening around him, no matter what he has or what he’s lost or what needs to be done, there are always words ready to spring forth from him like water from a spigot. He has never, in all his life, been out of words.

Until now.

Fuck it.

Geralt’s lips are softer than he imagined, given that his skincare routine seems to consist primarily of monster innards. But they’re soft and they’re warm and they move so gently against Jaskier’s that he thinks he might simply melt into a puddle, to be absorbed into the earth and never seen again. The kiss is tender, and sweet, and longing, and not at all how he imagined his first kiss with Geralt would be. It’s perfect. Jaskier breaks it with a watery laugh, keeping his forehead pressed to Geralt’s.

Somehow his free hand has found its way back into Geralt’s silky hair, and he threads his fingers deeper into the moonlit locks and hopes he’ll never have to let go.

“You’re mine?” He knows he sounds a little pleading, disbelief coloring his tone, but he can’t help it. He’s had this dream so many times, he needs to be sure it’s real this time. “Really?”

“Really, little lark.” Geralt is smiling just as wide as Jaskier is, his cheeks just as damp. “I’ve always been yours, I was just too stupid to admit it. I won’t make that mistake again. I love you. I’ll never leave you behind again, not for the rest of your life, if you’ll let me.”

And, oh, there’s a conversation they should maybe have, because after all the revelations of tonight, Jaskier is fairly sure Geralt thinks he’s completely human, and is probably in pain over his supposed mortality. At some point before they go to sleep Jaskier will mention it, because apparently Geralt hasn’t noticed that his face hasn’t changed a lick in 25 years, the stubble he wears these days notwithstanding.

Because Geralt is a ridiculous, incredible, oblivious, stupid, wonderful fool, and Jaskier loves him so much he can hardly breathe. So he tells him so. The rest can wait.

#the witcher #twn #geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #dandelion #julian alfred pankratz #yennefer of vengerberg #cirilla fiona elen riannon #the witcher fanfiction #my writing #i'll do the same with sleep now eventually i think but i want to finish it first

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